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Chapter Text

Phastos’s Rules When Babysistting Jack

Authorized Babysitters:  

1. Ajak 
2. Sersi 
3. Gilgamesh (please do not feed Jack too many sweets. Resist the puppy eyes)
4. Dane (just make sure to leave your Ebony Blade out of reach of 10 year olds)
5. Kingo (please leave the camera crew at home)

Unauthorized Babysitters (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!; YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO BABYSIT IF YOU ARE WITH ONE OF THE AUTHORIZED BABYSITTERS)

1. Sprite (it is not appropriate to teach Jack how to use my cloaking technology to prank the neighbors. The HOA already have it out for us.)
2. Ikaris (No unsupervised flights with Jack; please do not break anymore furniture or set the kitchen on fire because Jack wanted to see you use your heat vision to cook a chicken.)
3. Makkari (It is not appropriate to teach Jack how to gamble or steal)
4. Druig (Do not egg Makkari on and please be a good role model for Jack. please do not mind control the Amazon Delivery Driver. They are not intruders.)
5. Thena (Weapons are not appropriate toys for children. They should not be playing with knives.)

*please provide hourly text updates with pictures. 

*If any emergency happens, please call my cell phone number 312-555-0188

*If its life, death, alien invasion or Celestial related, activate the alarm code, use the secret bunker and/or head to the Domo.

Name: Jack Stoss 

Age: 10 years old

Allergies: grass & tree pollen; bees

Favorite Toys & Activities: dressing up as Captain America (Sam Wilson) and fighting robots; building legos especially Star Wars; cooking (with supervision); dress up

Bed Time: 9:00 PM (no exceptions on weekdays)

1. Homework and chores must be finished before any leisure time.
2. If it’s a school night, bed time is 9:00 pm. If it’s a Friday or the weekend, he may stay up until 10:00 pm.
3. No weapons in the house.
4. Jack is only allowed 90 minutes of screen time when not doing homework. The only exception to this is PG or G rated movies. *The Exorcist, The Ring or Get Out are NOT appropriate movies for kids, Druig.
5. Bed Time Stories should be appropriate for a 10 year old. Makkari, telling Jack how you stole a herd of cattle or the time you slaughtered a Deviant who ate Greeks is not age appropriate
6. As stated above, any form of gambling in the form of cards, dice, etc. are not appropriate games to play. Monopoly is banned this house due to the March 2023 Monopoly incident. Due to . . .
7. 1. Sprite using their illusions to steal money from the bank
   2. Makkari causing all the cards and paper money to fly when she ran to the front door to get pizza.
   3. Sersi accidentally turning my IKEA collection table into plastic because Druig bankrupted her.

The Game of Life, Charades, Heads Up, Scrabble, Catan and similar games are still allowed.

     7. Please keep the noise level to a minimum. As mentioned above, the HOA is not a fan of us. Yes, that means not recreating the Macaulay Culkin guitar riff from the Michael Jackson music video of “Black or White” Kingo.

     8. Do not curse in any language in front of Jack. He is very impressionable and it is not appropriate. I’m looking at you, Sprite.

     9. For the love that is all sacred and holy, please try to blend in as humans. I do not want to be that neighbor that is known for superhero shenanigans. Our house insurance premiums will go through the roof and Ben says its unethical to make easy money off the stock market using my own algorithms. 

                               With Love ❤️ and a Buttload of Patience,

                                Phastos & Ben Stoss

Chapter Text

After all the craziness with the emergence and the terror inducing thought that his human family would be sacrificed for the birth of a celestial, Phastos needed some alone time with his husband.

Ben took everything in stride, even his family of crazy eternals and the fact that he had to leave for a few days to save the world. When they reunited, he grabbed Ben and gave him a “oh-my-celestial we’re alive” kiss and they spent half an hour in Ajak’s barn making out like teenagers while the others watched Jack.

He still can’t believe how lucky he was to have met Ben and Jack. After Hiroshima, he couldn’t bear to stay in Manhattan and moved to Illinois. It was the 1950s and with his accumulated wealth over the years, he started his own architectural and engineering company called Stoss Enterprises. As time went on, he moved around the state and ended up settling in Chicago in 2010. In 2016, he was looking over some renovation plans for the Northwest Tower aka the Robey for its grand opening when a toddler ran over and ran into his table, spilling coffee all over the plans. 

The little boy who he soon learned was Jack landed on his butt and started to cry and Phastos’s annoyances and alarm melted in to concern and worry. He kneeled closer to the kid and started comforting the small child.

Footsteps rushed over and Phastos looked up to see cedar brown eyes glancing back at him in embarrassment, worry and alarm. He started apologizing profusely with a flushed face and Phastos assured him it was ok. He introduced himself as Ben Sleiman and that was his son, Jack. After buying Phastos a new cup of coffee and spending the rest of the afternoon Phastos asked to exchange numbers. And the rest was a blur of deepening mutual attraction and a life changing journey with Ben and Jack.

Glancing back at their wedding rings with a smile, Phastos and Ben straightened their clothes and came back into Ajak’s cramped house to find Jack eating some chili, biscuits and cinnamon rolls with the rest of the Eternals. Phastos almost had a heart attack when he saw Thena showing him the proper way how to hold a knife. Which led her to be #5 on the unauthorized list of babysitters.

They soon returned back to Chicago after helping Ajak expand her homestead to fit all the Eternals and return to the hum drum of human life. Little kisses in the morning from his husband and kid and having to reorganize some projects and contracts for his company. He thought they would get some peace and quiet after the averted apocalypse. But Phastos should have known better. Should have known that his Eternals family did not know the meaning of chill.

No sooner than a few days later, did Makkari zip by and deposit a bag of candy and a Star Wars lego sets for Jack. Druig on the other hand, strolled in to the house later that day and stole all the apples in the house after Jack complained about eating apples all the time. He also decided to check the security of the house and made sure all the neighbors weren’t a threat to the family. All he found out was that Helen across the street wanted to swap Ben’s recipe for Manakeesh and Baklava for her award winning meatloaf and peach cobbler. Ajak sent in the mail, a cowboy hat for Jack and an offer to teach Jack how to ride horses.  Gilgamesh and Thena deposited organic home made snacks for the family while Thena specifically had procured a plastic lightsaber for Jack. They also left homemade fermented beer for him and his husband which Ben quite enjoyed despited being fermented in spit. Kingo sent all his movies that he starred in and an AMC gift card for him and Ben. Sprite had spent a week with Jack in his classroom undetected. Until they were found out. It was a total nightmare having to explain to the principal of the school that Sprite was not their unknown child from a previous marriage but his younger sibling. Lastly, Sersi, Ikaris and Dane (who were all apparently trying to date one another), had done the most normal thing and took Jack out for ice cream and to the park while also having the foresight to call ahead. He was tempted to move to Wakanda at this point to avoid his family’s shenanigans. Wakanda could always use more engineers especially intergalactic alien engineers that knew about other precious metals like adamatium, darganite and etc. But Jack was so close to graduating elementary school and Ben liked working at the hospital a few minutes away. . . so Phastos relented.

Resigning himself to his crazy family he decided if his family was going to drop in unexpectedly to hang out, he might as well take advantage of the free babysitters. Especially with the way, Ben’s eyes had lit up at going out to eat after his shift at the hospital at a restaurant without a kid’s menu. And maybe they could even see the new James Bond film. Jack was ecstatic to have another grandma and a whole host of super-powered uncles, aunts and an auncle. 

But that left the question of who to choose? Who to choose to babysit Jack?

Ajak had the most experience in being a mother and leader for at minimum of a million years. Last time she babysitted, they came home to Ajak teaching Jack how to dance but he found his workshop had been cleaned. Despite what Ben said, Phastos had a system. A system full of organized chaos but a system none the less and now he couldn’t find anything were it was supposed to be. Thank God, for surveillance videos in his workshop.

Pros: experienced mother. Cons: Had a habit of mothering him and Ben. Made him feel like a teenager.

Sersi. One of his favorite and most levelheaded siblings. But her love life was complicated and thus brought chaos. The last time she babysitted she went outside of the house to take a conference call with the Natural History Museum about an arriving artifact.  But when she came in with him and Ben, the boys were hustling, trying to clean up a broken vase, footprints off the ceiling and Mr. Fluffynutter, the stray cat that came and went, watched the unfolding chaos with glee in his eyes. 

Sersi had put her hands on her hips and stared down her lovers and Jack and said, “Boys. . .”

Like children, Jack pointed at Dane who pointed at Ikaris who pointed at Jack. They all proceeded to say “IT WAS HIS IDEA!”

Pros: Sersi was the most normal of his Eternals family and had experience with wrangling Sprite and teaching human children.

Cons: She came with two guys who had a habit of having little common sense and were lovestruck for Sersi. This meant that sometimes the boys would get out of hand and Sersi was the only one with a brain cell.

Since Makkari and Druig were banned from babysitting Jack alone after breaking into the Field Museum of Natural History in order to reenact Night of the Museum with Jack, they usually babysat Jack with Gilgamesh and Thena. For the most part, Gilgamesh and Thena were a calming influences to Makkari and Druig but Phastos and Ben did walk into the house while Thena was trying to put out a fire and Gilgamesh was trying to break up a playful fight between Druig and Makkari. Jack was cheering on the sidelines and had given them a sheepish smile when he saw his dads. He’s made sure to leave a few fire extinguishers since then.

Pros: Jack is fed well with home made organic food. He’s one of the most well protected kids in the world. Gilgamesh and Thena can usually stem the chaotic duo that is Makkari and Druig.

Cons: Property damage. Possible B&E charges though thank you Druig and Makkari for leaving no evidence for those charges to go through. Possibly a corrupting influence in regards to gambling, stealing and problem solving. He’s been given a few strongly worded letters from the HOA about noise complaints and possible property damage. It’s a good thing that he and his family has enough money to cover any HOA fines levied against them.

Kingo and Sprite were his last resorts. When there was no other option, they were who Phastos called. Kingo and Sprite were dramatic theatre nerds who vibed well with Jack’s nerdy side but tended to make a mess. Kingo and Sprite both act like children and Ben and he once came home to a blanket fort, feathers and pillows strewn everywhere and Jack on a sugar rush. It took a few hours to put him to bed.

Pros: Jack is always excited to spend time with his cool Auncle and Uncle. He got to teach Sprite what it was like to be a human child and helped them blend in. 

Cons: There’s always a mess. Always . . .

With a great big sigh, he dialed a number for one of his family members.

Chapter Text

Ben would think that he handled things well.

When he finally got the courage to ask out the handsome man that was so gentle with his son and who he kept “running into” at Sip and Savor, he was shell shocked to find out that Phil Stoss was actual a 7,000 year old robot deity named Phastos whom the Greek God, Hephaestus was named afterwards.

Phastos/Phil had told him the truth after Ben had asked him to move in with him and Jack. It had taken him multiple conversations with lots of arak to be able to ask all his questions. He had needed a day or so to process the information and instead of driving himself into a never ending spiral of doubts and worries, he had figured out it was better to ask from the source. 

Despite the new information, it didn’t change that Phastos was still the lovable dork who had cried the first time they introduced Star Wars to Jack. Or whose favorite Pixar movie was Wall-E. He could almost hear the petulant look on Phastos’s face as he defended his favorite.

“What’s not to love? Robots? Characters learning to fall in love. Robots learning to live life beyond their function?”

He loved riling up his husband up by asking where did all the food come from then? He started putting his hands over his ears and singing “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” when Ben asked if the people on the Axiom were cannibals. 

Ahhh. Youtube theorists. His habibi. So fun to see him get passionate about movies and into papa bear mode when anything remotely bad happened to Jack. It had been hard finding a someone as a Emirati-born Lebanese gay man with a son. He had moved to the United States in his 20s and finished nursing school. He was so grateful to have supporting parents who loved him and supported his decision on being a single parent and then later marrying the man that he loved.  

The only hiccup in their current mundane and fulfilling life was Phastos’s immortal baggage that came with 9 other immortal robot deities, a sentient genetically designed apex predator and a fucking spaceship. Like Ben knew life was never going to be the same after Iron Man and aliens poured out of the sky but sometimes he wondered if there was a support group for spouses who dealt with weird shit including the big three of wizards, androids and aliens. Don’t get him wrong. He adored Phastos and everything that made him him but his meter for weirdness had expanded drastically since they started dating.

He couldn’t wait for tonight. He and Phastos were celebrating their fourth annual wedding anniversary. They had been planning their anniversary for a few months in advance. They were going to Alinea to try the most cutting edge molecular gastronomy techniques in food that fascinated the scientist in Phastos and the foodie in Ben. With the 3 Michelin Stars and 6 James Beard awards it was a miracle that they were able to score a reservation. Though Ben had an inkling that Phastos had favors owed to him over the past century and if not, his sister and brother, Sersi and Kingo, had connections all over the world. The perks of having an immortal husband.

After that, they got tickets to Hamilton at the CIBC theater where the original Broadway cast of Hamilton was premiering for a one time reunion US tour. Usually, Ben would protest against Phastos spoiling him with such lavish and expensive outings as he was just a simple man who had immigrated with his family to the US from Lebanon when he was in his 20s. But Phastos got that stubborn look on his face and said, “Darling, I would build you a kingdom to treat you like the King you are. You and Jack are the reason I love who I am today and love humanity.” They spent the rest of the night after that declaration, making love. Jack had fortunately been at a friends house for a sleep over.

He had just finished a 12 hour shift at the hospital and was heading home in his tricked out 2022 Silver Subaru Forester that Phastos had added his own modifications too. Short of vibranium weaponry, the car was basically missile proof and with a defense system that could put any army to shame. Ben had joked that the car could destroy any James Bond car which Phastos had nonchalantly replied that it could defeat a tank. At Ben’s wide eyed look, Phastos had jokingly said that if they wanted, he could turn it into a space ship. He had then ignored Ben’s inquires about whether it could actually fly. Phastos’s teasing and secretive smile was not amusing.

Coming home, he couldn’t wait to greet Jack and Phastos and get ready for their anniversary date. They had been married for almost four years now and he was always pleasantly surprised when Phastos did something as simple as bringing him his favourite tea to helping him decompress after a rough shift at the hospital. He was an ER nurse at the Advocate Christ Medical Center in their trauma department. Some days he was lucky that the injuries and illnesses weren’t that bad. Other days, it could be like a war zone.

Pulling into their driveway, he grabbed his work duffel and used his fingerprint to unlock the smart lock on the door. Their house was tricked out with technology, decades ahead of its time carefully hidden under a facade of a normal family house. On the days that Phastos’s Eternal family arrived, he was thankful for the reinforced structure and sturdier furniture. After Ikaris broke their last table, Phastos had asked Sersi to turn the table into vibranium and after carefully assembling and mimicking the old table. After a bout of monopoly, Phastos had goaded Ikaris into breaking the table.

Ikaris’s face had scrunched up in pain as he failed to break the table. His surprise and dumbfounded look was captured on video and was carefully squared away on Phastos’s computer. The betrayed look he shot Sersi as she laughed was smoothed away when she kissed his hurt hand and gave him a chaste kiss. He even blushed when Dane did the same. From then on, Ikaris had looked at every piece of furniture in the house with suspicion.

He entered the doorway and heard the pitter patter of 10 year old feet. 

“Baba! Welcome home.” Jack yelled and launched himself at his dad.

If Ben wasn’t used to his hyperactive son, he probably would have been bowled over. He dropped his duffel and caught Jack at the last second with a small grunt. His little boy was growing every day.

“Hey Jack. Welcome home. I see you’re working out the mechanics on how to fly.” Ben remarked.

“YEAH! Ikaris told me that there were certain positions that were more aero-dyanmite than other positions.” Jack wiggled excitedly, wanting his baba to put him down.

Instead Ben threw him lightly and caught him with a laugh as Jack squealed. 

“He means aerodynamic,” his husband said with a grin as he leaned against the wall, eyes warm with affection.

Ben put his son down and took a moment to drink his husband in.

Phastos was wearing a royal purple dress shirt tucked under an asymmetrical dress coat with purple highlights, black slacks and black dress shoes. He had a gold chain necklace and a white and gold pendant that Ben had gifted him for their 1 year anniversary. In addition, both wrist were decked out in a multitude of gold, black and white bracelets. Ben was almost tempted not to go to the show and just get a hotel room. 

“You’re staring,” Phastos commented with a sly grin as if he could read Ben’s thoughts.

“Well, it’s part of the perks of having such a handsome . . . gorgeous . . . breath taking husband,” Ben punctuated each compliment with a kiss as he cradled Phastos’s face with both hands. Phastos lips were warm and eager. If it wasn’t for Jack whining “Daddddddssssssssss”, Ben would have loved to have spent at least an hour making out with his husband.

“Ok, albi. Baba is going to get ready for their date tonight and your babysitter should be coming soon.” Ben informed Jack as they broke apart. Ben shared an intense look with Phastos who seemed to regret that he hadn’t asked the designated babysitter to stay the night to look after Jack.

With one last longing look, Ben headed towards their room and stripped off his work clothes and took a nice, long hot shower. Afterwards, he applied his favorite cologne and cleaned up his close shaved beard and mustache. He then, dressed in a white dress shirt and put on a black jacket, belt, slacks and dress shoes. Leaving the first two buttons undone, he ran a hand over his hair and gave the mirror an award winning smile.

Heading out, he saw that Jack was at the dining room table while Phastos was going over the expectations of Jack’s responsibilities as a student. He was to get his homework done before he could play. And he was not to try to get extra dessert or cause any of trouble for the neighbors.

As he was about to ask, who was going to babysit Jack, the doorbell rang.

Chapter Text

To any onlooker, Phastos’s house looked like any normal house in the neighborhood. If it wasn’t for the three immortal robot deities and the superhero in training standing at the front door, would anyone look twice at the house.

As Sersi, Dane and Ikaris exited their Phytonic Metallic Blue BMW 750, they looked on in confusion as Ajak was deposited by a speeding Makkari. Makkari gave a quick wave in greeting and cheekily stuck their tongue out as they sped back to the homestead.

Ajak was dressed in light blue jeans, a dark blue v neck shirt and a sunflower yellow cardigan. She gave a warm smile and came over to the throuple. Sersi was wearing black combat boots, black skinny jeans, black shirt that was covered by a juniper green overcoat. She also had a juniper beanie. Dane wore a black turtle neck, red scarf and dark blue jeans with black boots. Ikaris wore a dark blue overcoat, a pear green scarf and a black long sleeve and black jeans with black shoes.

“So I’m guessing, we’re all Jack’s babysitter today?” Dane remarked wryly.

“Ay. You’ll learn quickly but Phastos has always rather been a safe than sorry kind of person.” Ajak said fondly.

Ikaris scoffed but his eyes were bright as he retorted, “Safe? More like paranoid and overkill.”

“Darling, are you still upset over the table incident?” Sersi poked while running her right hand soothingly over his hair. Her left hand engulfed in Dane’s right hand.

“No,” Ikaris said petulantly, his lower lip jutting out into a pout.

“Table incident?” Ajak questioned.

Before Dane could answer that questioned, Ikaris clamped a hand over both of their mouths. Shaking his head, he gave a warning look to his wife and lover.

With a defiant look, Dane licked Ikaris’s hand who quickly took back his hand in disgust. Sersi instead cupped Ikaris’s hand and gave it a kiss. She mimed locking her mouth and throwing away the key. Ikaris’s eyes softened as he leaned in for a kiss. Dane had no such compunctions and signed that he would tell Ajak later while Ikaris and Sersi shared a kiss.

As they walked towards the house, Sersi rang the doorbell. The door swung open and Phastos gestured them in.

Ben and Phastos were sharply dressed and Ajak gave a long whistle in appreciation.

Spreading his arms out, Phastos preened and twirled his husband.

“Look how dashing my husband looks.” Phastos boasted with pride.

They oohed and awwed at all the right moments. Before long, Phastos and Ben were grabbing their bags and were heading out to make their dinner reservations.

“I got the four of you because I need this evening to go perfect. With the exception of Ikaris, you three are the most normal and level headed ones of our family. No fires or laser vision. No parties. No property damage. And no pissing off Brianna Hanson, our neighbor. Her father and his husband and their ex wives are a whole hurricane of trouble that we do not need. The two husbands are lawyers and the ex wives are known for causing chaos.” Phastos listed out as Ben tried to drag him out the door.

Ajak gave him a kiss on the cheek and gave a light pat to usher him out the door. Have fun was shouted from the other three.

“And also Sersi is in charge. Mom, please do not clean my workshop again!” Phastos yelled out with his head stuck out the car window.

With a wave goodbye and smiles plastered on their faces, they did not turn around in till the car was out of sight. Turning around they spotted Jack who was dressed in a black hoodie with DC Comics embossed across the chest and a camouflage puffy vest and grey sweatpants.

He smiled innocently and asked, “Uncle Ike, can we go flying? I finished all my homework?”

***

Sersi was tempted to turn her husband and all her siblings into stone. (Not Dane though. He did nothing wrong.)  To be like the mythical Medusa (who had the unfortunate fate of pissing of Thena and was actually not a bad mortal) and stop their antics with her transmutation powers.

Things were peaceful for the first hour as Sersi and Dane had persuaded Jack to instead have a lego building competition and the winner got to go all Godzilla on the losers buildings. Ajak had volunteered to make a dinner of pasta and cheese while Ikaris made the dough for cookies.

Dane built a castle that was a good replica of his uncle’s castle, while Sersi built an eerie replica of Buckingham Palace. Jack on the other hand blew the others away by building the city of Chicago entirely out of Legos. They turned a blind eye to the holographic interface that helped Jack use an outline of Chicago that Jack could fill.

Before Dane and Sersi could declare a winner, a Tiny Godzilla starting roaring its head off and blew illusionary beams at Sersi’s Buckingham Palace. Jack jumped up excitedly, yelling “AWESOME!” and started mimicking the Godzilla. 

“Sprite!!!” an annoyed Sersi admonished as an unrepentant Sprite appeared. Kingo had jazz hands out and said, “Surprise!”

Karun who wasn’t used to Sprite’s illusionary powers, accidentally stepped on Dane’s lego castle as Dane jumped to his feet to steady the valet. 

They were the first of many surprises.

Next came, Thena and Gilgamesh who were sloshed. They had broken into the house and even though, they seemed mostly functional, they had still devolved into fits and giggles at the sight of Ikaris wearing a pink apron that said “don’t be afraid to to take whisks” with two gigantic white whisks. Ikaris had then proceeded to lightly singe them with his heat vision.

It was at the exact moment that Ben and Phastos had decided to call. 

Bloody hell. With a quick hand gesture, Ikaris and Dane quieted them down as Sersi gave a status update about their evening. As the call was winding down, a rainbow portal flickered into existence and what looked like a CGI mess of a troll who was drunk crashed into the only non vibranium item in the room, splitting the coffee table in half and flipping the couch over.

“What was that?” Phastos asked suspiciously.

“What was what?” Sersi answered nervously as she motioned Sprite and Kingo to silence the drunk troll that was announcing titles for Eros despite the fact that they had all met before. Fucking Gil and Thena. This was not the place for a drunken meeting with other Eternals.

“That banging noise. Sersi, do Ben and I need to come home?” Phastos inquired as he gave a warm smile to Ben who had a look of content on his face as the dishes were cleared away. All they had left was dessert.

“Oh, that noise. You know how Ikaris is with human tools. He was smashing the cookie dough for our sugar cookie designing contest a bit too hard.” Sersi lied as she mouthed sorry at the offended look on Ikaris’s face.

“Ok. Tell Jack we love him. Bye.” Phastos said warmly.

“Bye.” Sersi quickly ended the call. With a sigh of relief she exchanged a look with Ajak who gave her a knowing look. Sersi swore right at that moment that she would take Ajak out for a nice spa day and dinner. After wrangling the Eternals for millions of years, Ajak surely deserved it. Sersi would rather turn everyone except Ajak, Dane and Jack into stone so that she could get some peace and quiet. Thank Arishem, she wasn’t the prime Eternal.

Next came Makkari and Druig who had felt left out of the fun and who appeared in a flash as Kingo and Sprite were trying to teach Jack how to create Tiktoks after a surprisingly peaceful dinner. Ajak had had the foresight to cook for nine and Sersi had given their mom a tight hug. She was glad that she couldn’t get gray hairs, as she was sure she would have had dozens after she had to scold Pip, Eros, Gilgamesh and Athena for tossing Jack around like a football. They had thankfully been surprisingly gentle despite their inebriated states.

Makkari zipped in with Druig who had lit the bonfire that the Drunk Squad was building and yelled, “TFTI!”.  Sprite had flipped off Druig as they had wanted to be the one to light the bonfire as Dane explained to Ikaris that TFTI stood for “thanks for the invite” and was meant to be used sarcastically especially by people who weren’t invited.

It was a blur of s'mores, chanting and dancing around the bonfire before Sersi managed to wrangle the rest of the Eternals and Jack to ask a very important question as it seemed that no one had thought of the repercussions of all the Eternals being in one place.

“WAIT, wait, waitttt, if everyone is here? Who is watching over Kro?” Sersi asked in an alarmed tone. 

“Oh SHIT!,” Druig cursed. Looking down at Jack, who was mouthing the word, “Oh double SHIT! Everyone keep their mouths shut. I don’t want Phastos to ward us from entering the house. Again. Come on Makkari.”

Makkari’s face had slacken in surprise at the question and she signed, You mean ward you from the house. I’m welcome anytime. Looking at the clock she signed,  FUCK! FUCK! We got to make sure Kro didn’t try giving Hector sentience and unleash an animal uprising. We don’t need a Planet of the Apes situation.

In a flash, Makkari picked up Druig bridal style and zipped over back to the Homestead. They had decide to rehabilitate Kro who had wanted to save the rest of their brethren once they contacted the other Eternals across the universe. They had found out that Kro could talk to other creatures including horses and Kro had made a friend in Ajak’s horse, Hector.

Everyone froze as Sersi’s phone rang with Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”. Oh fuck, they were screwed. Putting a finger to her lips, Sersi said, “Hey Phastos and Ben, how was Hamilton ?”

“Talented. Brilliant. Incredible. Amazing. Show stopping. Spectacular. Never the same. Totally Unique. Completely not ever been done before! By they way, you’re on speaker phone.” Phastos crowed in a relaxed tone.

“Hey Sersi. It was spectacular. So glad we got to see Lin Manual Miranda and the Broadway cast in person. We’ve been waiting months to see this. How’s Jack? Is he asleep? Did you guys have a good evening?” Ben questioned.

Phastos glanced over to his husband who was glowing and who gave Phastos a loving look. Kissing his knuckles, Phastos waited for Sersi to respond. A slight niggling feeling in his head. Hmmmm. The line sounded quiet. A bit too quiet.

Eyes wide and staring at the rest of the Eternals, she motioned with her other hand for them to start cleaning up. “Jack’s great. He was a perfect angel. We finished his homework early. Had a dinner of pasta and cheese that we made into Simba and Mufasa and had decorated some sugar cookies for dessert. We then watched Luca. All the boys behaved and Ajak was a life saver.”

“That’s good to hear. We’re glad that we’re able to trust you with Jack, Sersi and that we won’t have to worry about any complaints,” Phastos said happily.

“Uh huh.” Sersi said with a nervous smile on her face as she watched as Pip and Eros drunkenly flip the couch back into place. 

“We’ll be home in 10 minutes. Thank you guys so much. We owe you guys.,” Ben interjected.

“It was my pleasure. See you soon.” Sersi calmly said. She ended the call and pinched her nose. Counting to 10, she glared at Kingo and Sprite who were stuffing their faces with the leftover sugar cookies. Red, white and blue frosting all over their lips. Smacking both of their heads, she scolded, “Clean up the kitchen. This place needs to be spotless before they come home. I’ll check on the rest of the Eternals and make sure Jack is in bed.”

She then grabbed her boyfriends and told them to start fixing the scorched backyard that was covered in toilet paper and had a charred bonfire in the middle of it.

As the clock ticked by, Sersi, Dane and Ikaris managed to portal the Drunk Squad back to the homestead to continue the festivities. Jack was safely asleep in the bed and was bribed with a coupon for a flight with Ikaris, a promise to meet Dane’s vampire friend and Sersi helping Jack find or make a birthday present for his daddy Phastos as long as he didn’t rat them out about their unexpected visitors.

The car drove into the driveway and Sersi, Ajak and the boys gave Phastos and Ben a quick run down. Everything looking spick and span. Even the hastily glued together table that Kingo and Sprite swore would hold after they and Karun drove towards a hotel in Chicago. 

Quickly trying to escape the house, Sersi, Ajak and the boys almost made it home free until the coffee table cracked in half and Phastos’s phone blew up with calls from their neighbor Brianna. Something about an unregulated and huge bonfire in their backyard. 

“Drive Dane, drive!!!!” Sersi commanded as Phastos exited out of the house with an indignant look holding Pip in his hand who had drunkenly teleporting back to the house to get back his town crying bell.

And that was time that Sersi, Dane and Ajak were demoted to the unauthorized babysitter list for a month.