Chapter Text
If there was anything Sapnap saw himself doing, it was not this. He was a vulgar guy yes, he loved to joke about sex and dicks and pussy, loved to act like he knew shit. When in all reality...
Sapnap knew nothing, he was a precious virgin with little to no experience in any field along the lines of sexual stuff. He was honestly embarrassed when it truly came down to it, some of his friends were comfortable mentioning their sex lives but by god Sapnap could never. Everytime the topic came up he turned all sorts of shades of red with a terrible stutter. It was cute to most though so they kept their teasing going a lot despite Sapnaps constant detest.
Sapnap was a virgin and all of his friends knew it. So what made him do the very stuff he tried to keep away from? Money.
Being a college student was expensive, especially in America when the government hated you. A small dorm was also very expensive and so was just living, his current job not doing much for him. Any job nowadays couldn't pay enough, so this was his last option, especially when his friends encouraged it a bit. Some say it as a joke and others fully serious.
Being a camboy, was his plan,
going onto the more popular camboy streaming sites and starting up. His friends Ant and Velvet, a couple he might add, suggested he try it. They're a duo on some porn site and get a decent amount of views, very okay with the idea of sex and all that comes with. Especially sharing it with the world. That included their closest friends such as him.
The idea made him want to throw up though, he stared at his body in a mirror way too long too many times pointing out his worst features. Wondering just how anyone could possibly want this. He fully despised his body but maybe, just maybe, he was willing to risk humiliation and harassment for a couple of bucks. Some people liked the sad desperate ones. If it happens to work he can get enough cash to have what he needs.
Even his streaming friend, Sylvee, edged him on. Giggling in a call about how he'd be an absolute natural at it as a half joke, and with how people like the younger boys. Innocence. Complimenting bits about him he had never thought to even think of, blushing profusely and calling her names to make her shut up. Quickly changing the topic so they could continue their valorant match.
He'd been thinking about it a lot and to be honest, he's not completely against it, just insecure. Severely. The idea of people, random people, looking all over him in his most vulnerable just seems sexy but scary. Sapnap never explored his desires, never wanted to. He watched vanilla porn embarrassed and that gets him so far, too scared to try anything else despite it peaking any interest ever. Some things grossed him out such as the daddy and mommy kink, he still called his parents that which to then turn it sexual is gross but he'd do it if it brought money. He'd do so much for money..
What's wrong with him.
Again, as sexy as it seems and as useful, the whole idea seems beyond scary. He's had so little experience in life and immediately getting shoved into sex work is like 10 leaps ahead of the pace he wants to go. And if his college catches him? All his scholarships will be fucking gone and he can kiss his chances at college again gone. So as the week goes on sapnap debates. Even in the most simple settings his mind is occupied.
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"So, I'm saying how about we finish the project at my dorm? Or the Cafe down the street Ant works at?" Sylvee mumbled with some chips in her mouth. Paying little attention around her, mostly adorned to her phone. Scrolling and giggling at whatever pops up. Sapnap took sips of his soda and occasionally looked out the window or around the lounge they were in rubbing his thumb gently over his other hand. Too lost in his worries. Sylvee not really caring, just wanting her shit done.
Finally, after a too long silence from her usually loud friend, she put her phone away, slightly annoyed but curious and now attentive.
"So Sappy, what's the news with ya?" She teased eating more of her chips, leaning her head to the side a bit. Sapnap looked back to her, tapping his fingers a few times debating what to say.
"Uhm, I.. don't know.." Sapnap bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. He knew he shouldn't be stressing this much over it, but to him it's a big deal. Giving his body away for others' pleasures. Making a show online of purely sexual actions. It sounds like a lot.
Sylvee nodded slowly, raising an eyebrow with a smile before getting back to her phone. She scoffed quietly, eating more chips, uncrossing her legs under the table to let them rest.
"You're still thinking about the camboy thing aren't you? I already said Sappy Nap that you would be good at it and to just try it at least. I mean you can try hiding your face like some of the cam boys do. Just check em out." Sylvee suggested looking some up on her phone for him. Quickly tapping one live and her phone emitting very loud lewd noises to which Sapnap widens his eyes and practically pushes her away. Rushing to turn down her volume or shut it off, whichever comes first.
"What the fuck is wrong with you! We're in public you stupid bitch. Oh my god can you at least wait till we're back to the dorms?" Sapnap whisper-yelled, hiding his face in his hoodie. To which sylvee just laughed. They're both like siblings but right now Sapnap can't deal with public humility. Ironic a little.
"Well then answer my question, bitch." Sylvee giggled, waiting to see if he even heard her.
"Yeah the Cafe at Ant's work seems fine, do you wanna go like- like when Ant is working? Or?" The dark haired asked, biting his straw gently as he played with his hands some more.
"Yeah that seems more ideal because then we get free drinks so that's cool." And so the two finished their planning for their project. Making a small trek to their dorms which isn't too far. The two sharing tiktoks and stupid clips off Sylvee and Punzs streams eventually making it to Sapnaps dorm, he shares it as most do, though his roomie wasn't home yet so he's probably at work.
"Okay so back to the camboy business, here lemme show you some 'faceless' ones." Sylvee quickly pulling out her phone again and going to her closed tab knowing sapnap would have less retaliation now that they're alone. She scrolled through a couple of accounts, some live, others not. Some got unique when going faceless, using full mask, or the anime face ones, or cosplay, or just having their head out of the screen. There are plenty of ways to hide your face he learns but he's still scared of the risk.
"See, like you can totally hide and no one has to know! Except me and like your best friends of course." Sylvee rambled a bit more about his faceless options to probably help him relax more to the idea but being faceless gets you so far.
"I don't know Sylvee, listen I do want to do it, but I want to be completely rid of Sapnap. Sapnap cannot exist in any form." Sapnap stated firmly as sylvee nodded.
"Okay, well then I guess you could try cosplay or..OH!"
"What?"
"I have an amazing idea, okay listen. "
"Listening."
"How are you on feminine stuff? Like will you wear it?"
Now sapnap really didn't expect that question. Furrowing his eyebrows with a shocked expression he looks at her and takes a second of consideration. He's not opposed, femininity is sexy, he could work with that but whatever idea she's got has to be crazy.
"What do you mean?"
"Okay, ever heard of cross dressing?"
A totally new term to which he heard of like once. Oh boy.
"Uhm no, not really, and what exactly is your point?"
"Okay okay, Sapnap cross dressing is basically dressing as like another gender. What I'm saying is you could pretend to be girlish or a cross dresser, if you pretty yourself all up and pitch your voice there is no way in hell anyone would recognize you! It's a perfect plan." Sapnap reviewed her words in his head and he felt his interest peak so much, he's always liked the idea of feminine clothing but he's never really leaned to his desires as stated before. Fear holding him back. Hiding as a girl or pretending to be one sounds lovely he personally finds. The fantasy immediately took space in his brain. Sapnap felt himself shuffle a bit, being a little excited by the idea. Awakening a couple things he isn’t fully ready to dive into yet wants to.
"That could work, you're not so stupid after all. "
"Hey! Be a little nicer to me as I'm helping you with your porn career asshole!" The two giggled and then went back to business.
"So you want to test out cross dressing? And like if you're scared about ur penis don't worry, there's this like kink called fem-? Feminine? Feminization I think, basically as a guy you pretend to be a girl and call your own body parts girl parts and junk. I don't know, like I said, do your own research a bit." Sapnap could not understand how Sylvee is so okay with just suggesting this stuff to her best friend. What the hell's wrong with her, yeah Sapnap and her are close. Like so close they've kissed before and gave each other hickeys to make exes jealous but seriously?
"Okay, yeah I'll uhm. Look into it but yes I want to at least try the cross dressing. From my 5 minute Google search as of now, it's a pretty popular thing and guys do it all the time. For fun and porn wise."
"See!! Nothing to worry about, seriously sap try it out. I can lend you some skirts and stuff but I don't think they'll fit because like I hate to admit this but you're a lot thicker than me. Look at your thighs! Holy shit." She complimented. So many people he's known have liked his thighs and a couple of his exs, he doesn't get the rage but whatever.
"Shut up, I can get my own stuff, also I'm not wearing a wig. Maybe I could if I start to enjoy the camboy stuff and do it for like a special but they're sucky and my hair is long enough anyways. Though I'll need you for makeup because god knows I can't do that shit." So that's settled. Honestly sapnap had no idea what he was worrying about, the whole thing makes him feel fuzzy and floaty? Safe even. He's not sure of these feelings but he cannot wait.
Maybe he's always been a little freak he debates but who cares he gets to indulge it all now and he's absolutely enthusiastic. The excitement keeps him giddy. Between his excitement his insecurities start to peek through but for now he will focus on the simple stuff he needs to get. Pushing back his problems as usual.
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Now here he was, in a dressing room trying on skirts and skimpy dresses in front of a sort of dirty mirror in some mall. Trying on his first skirt, he felt so nervous and so shaky. Slowly pulling it past his hips with some struggle, he zipped the side, and patted it down. All with a constant tremble, anxiety flowing all throughout his warm body. Stalling if he's honest. Eyes trained to the floor. The skirt. Anything but the mirror in front of him.
What he saw though had amazed him. Finally glancing up and he genuinely gasped. Looking at himself, made him feel fucking hot.
The skirt lifted a bunch in the back and showed off his ass nicely, the soft fabric rested on his thighs, and the skirt accented his waist so cutely, he could fall in love with how he looks right now. He felt good. Believed he looked good even. He loved skirts he learned this second. Loved his legs and loved his body. Doing many different poses to show off his ass or under the skirt better. Running his hands over his body. Debating taking photos at some point even.
Though the more he looked away from the skirt and to his actual body the more he saw things he had considered his flaws. Such as his pudge, hisi hairy body, how unperfect it truly was. He wanted to cry at that but pushed through so as to not embarrass himself pathetically in this mall, planning on buying some razors today and shaving. Hiding and changing for others as he usually would.
Sapnap sighed as his happy imagination was ruined by his actual body. His own terrible brain. He feels he’s gonna sob at the thought of himself naked on lives, but for now he tried on more skirts and some crop tops, even some leggings and thigh highs. Tempting himself.
He got really heated when it came to picking out a bra and panties. Sylvee said it was necessary to the aesthetic and although it turned Sapnap on so much he was incredibly anxious. It meant more commitment and more to giving into his weird 'to be' occupation. However, originally this was to give into the cross dressing vibe, but he's learned it's something he just enjoys sexually and in general. Yet, he's also scared he's gonna hate it. Convinced his mind is playing tricks on him. Hating his own body is like a hobby. He has too many problems with his body to truly believe it’ll all work. The idea seems less appealing the more he thinks of himself, the more he buys, thinking he also should have brought Sylvee for her opinion and especially her support.
Huffing he puts together at least 3 outfits and some extras together that way he has stuff to mix and match. So even if the cam boy, or 'cam girl' thing doesn't work out he can still enjoy the feeling he gets in those clothes in private. He does enjoy being a man and would never consider changing that but the idea of pretending is so sexy. To fake it and act like a girl. Be treated like one and called one. He's never wanted anything more! Smiling a little now, getting over some of his worries, he buys his clothes and some more to help blend in as a 'girl' finally he heads home. Only with a quarter of the things he needs Sapnap makes it to his dorm, quietly opening his door spotting his roommate awake. Rushing to stuff his clothes into his drawers and quickly get into bed, he honestly could squeal with his excitement. Though he hides it, and for now he will fantasize of the good this whole thing could be.