Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The morning light is warm on Neku’s face.

His curtains, drawn closed, obscure it enough that it’s not blinding, but nonetheless he finds his eyes fluttering open and a soft sigh escaping him. He pulls the blanket down with his feet as he stretches and yawns, fumbling around for his phone - right, nightstand on the other side now - and checks the time. It’s just past ten, which means Joshua will tease him about sleeping in - again - but whatever.

It’s Neku’s fault, of course, for staying up too late. But he had been in the zone. His eyes drift to the canvas on an easel in the corner. Maybe it’s just being here, specifically, or maybe he’s been less tired as his body has… mostly adjusted to the changes. Regardless of what it is, he’s had the motivation to move past just his sketchbook lately. Painting was never something he thought he was particularly skilled at, preferring to just sketch or sometimes try out chalk pastels, but he had to start somewhere, right?

Neku swings his legs over the side of the mattress and stretches once more. They barely reach over from the center like this, and it strikes him, as it does every morning, how the bed feels - big. It’s hardly larger than the one in the dorm had been, but… it would fit another person easily. How long had Neku been here? Almost a month? Which means he and Joshua had also been - like this, for a bit over a month. Which also means that Neku had been Composer for a bit over a month. Maybe that’s what should have come to mind first, but -

The space just feels so empty.

Well, it’s not like Neku had asked, but for one, Joshua doesn’t sleep. Even if Neku had recently learned that he could, as he had definitely fallen asleep against Neku on 104 the other day… so maybe Neku should ask. But to ask to do something like this after only a little over a month seems - fast. Maybe. Though it’s not like Neku has any experience to base this off of, and being with Joshua is anything but within the realm of standard practice, surely. They spent so much time together anyway, it was basically like they lived together… right? So Neku’s not all too sure why he’s hung up on sharing a bed.

Whatever. He’s not. He pulls open the drawers under the bed frame and takes out the first thing he finds. Before changing, though, he just tosses the clothes onto the bed and walks over to the easel, pulling off the drape that hangs over it.

It’s mostly just practice for the medium, so it’s nothing more than a simple cityscape of Shibuya. When he’s struggling with what to draw, it’s always one of the first things that comes to mind. Some aspect of the repetitive shapes, the familiarity… and maybe some other things made it comfortable, easy, calming. Still, Neku feels better about it than most other times he’d tried oil paints, and he’s hoping some of that can translate into spray painting, maybe.

Regardless, he had fun with it. He enjoyed it. Pushed himself, a little. And even with that alone, he’s happy.

He lets out a little sigh. All he has to do is ask Joshua. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, no doubt he’ll be hit with the “Neku, I don’t sleep,” and Neku is already rolling his eyes at the Joshua voice in his head. Even after a month, Neku and Joshua hadn’t really… they kiss, sure, and sometimes they even - embrace, hug. It’s fond. There’s clearly feelings going unspoken, which in a lot of ways is nice. They don’t need words to understand how they feel. Not a lot of people can claim to have that with another, Neku knows that much.

But it could be nice just to - Neku closes his eyes - hear some words, sometimes. Honestly, though, what can Neku really expect, given Joshua’s… Joshua-ness, his clear disdain for any kind of explicit emotional openness - even if laying in the same bed together didn’t necessitate talking, it’s still intimate, more intimate in a lot of ways than kissing, holding hands… and he knows Joshua’s trying, Joshua’s changing, changed - a small smile finds its way onto Neku’s lips - because how else would Neku be in the position he is now? Getting to see Joshua every day, to not worry in the slightest if he’s going to suddenly disappear, to laugh together and talk and not just exist with each other, but as - what they are, and as the Composers of the city, no less? Neku should just be thankful. And he is. But…

He glances at the empty bed again. He can still picture vividly, like he’d imprinted it into his mind, Joshua’s eyes fluttered shut against him, face in a peaceful repose Neku had never seen before. He thinks of what it might be like to plant his lips on his forehead to rouse him, to wake in the morning with his arms around Joshua, never having separated all night long.

And when has Neku ever been anything but pushy with Joshua?

He can do this. Just ask. If Neku had some kind of leverage, anything to goad him with, he’d feel better, but… well, why should he need leverage with his - partner?

It hits him, as it has a few times before, that maybe anyone else would refer to Joshua in this case as his… boyfriend, but… it’s not like Joshua had ever called him that. Neku’s friends called them as much, but that was entirely their prerogative. Neku hadn’t even put a name to their relationship when he told them, just trailed off and they seemed to come to the obvious conclusion.

And it’s not like Neku really cares, because again, he and Joshua don’t need words. Which he’s glad for. They have something special. They’re partners. There’s something deeper that only they can understand, unspoken things that mere words could do no justice.

Neku opens his eyes and looks at the mostly finished painting again, the push of his boundaries.

He would really like something as simple as waking up next to Joshua.

Neku quickly covers the painting again, changes, tosses his pajamas into the hamper, and grabs his coat off his door.

The stairs creak a bit with his steps, but Neku likes the noise. Obviously there’s no way a building can have feelings, but he likes to think that maybe if it could, it’d be happy to have a resident again.

He turns on the lights to the base level of WildKat.

Empty, as it always is, but free of any dust, looking as if it would be ready to open for business if Neku would only unlock the door. Of course, he’s only paying for his stay here in maintaining it, not running it. He’s not sure if Mr. H has any plans in the near future to reopen it, but when he learned Neku was going to drop college he had offered him the upstairs room for the simple exchange.

Which Neku should think is a bit odd, seeing as Mr. H has powers far beyond what Neku or likely even Joshua can do, so he obviously doesn’t need Neku here taking care of things, but…

Neku had simply thanked him with a small smile, and Mr. H’s warm grin told him enough.

He walks behind the counter and turns on the coffee pot, which is another benefit of being here. As it boils, he flips through his short list of notifications on his phone - mostly some photos Eri sent from yesterday’s hangout at Miyashita Park, and Neku smiles a little as he briefly scrolls through them. Joshua had actually come to this one, which Neku realizes is probably going to be used as ammo against him if he asks Joshua about the bed thing - “Neku, I already come to your hangouts since you had been begging me, are you really asking for more favors -”

He rolls his eyes at the Joshua voice in his head once again, but finds a smile on his face as he gets to a picture that’s a selfie Eri took of her and Shiki - but in the background, on a bench, are Neku and Joshua, Neku staring at his phone and Joshua’s turned toward him, a smile on his face that can only be described as soft -

Neku’s face feels a little warm as puts his phone down and gets out two styrofoam cups, pouring coffee into each and then covering them. Finally, with a deep breath, he unlocks his phone once more and texts Joshua.

Neku Sakuraba
where you at?

Josh
Morning to you too, finally, sunshine. I’m at 104.

Neku should have assumed as much. And of course, if he focused, he could tell with ease where Joshua was, but he liked to ask. In case Joshua ever wanted some time to himself.

It never seemed like he did, though. Which is fine, because Neku didn’t either.

It’s a bit like going through the routine of changing, keeping his dirty laundry in a hamper, walking downstairs and making coffee by hand. They’re all things Neku didn’t strictly need to do anymore - but they’re things he’s used to, even after three years without them, especially after three years without them, and while Neku wouldn’t change anything about his current position, maintaining normalities like that has been - nice. Comforting. Simple gestures that illustrate a Composer can be, and is, just as human as anyone else.

That part of the sentiment isn’t exactly a reminder for himself, though.

Neku closes his eyes. 104. Likely the trip he’s made the most frequently, so it’s something of second nature. He wonders, actually, why so often there in particular - he doesn’t mind, but -

The world shifts around him and unlike only weeks ago, Neku’s head doesn’t spin with it.

It’s a crisp day, sunny with only a few clouds but a somewhat chilly breeze nonetheless. Neku’s honestly a little surprised Joshua is here given the coolness, but figures maybe it’ll make the coffee a more valuable offering before he asks him - what he wants to ask him.

“About time,” Joshua says, not even bothering to look back at Neku. He’s sitting on the edge of the building, as per usual, legs dangling off. Neku joins him, holding out one of the coffees as he sits, and Joshua takes it without a word.

“Why are you here so much?” Neku asks. Joshua will probably just say it’s a nice view, and in all likelihood leave his answer there, but - Neku has a feeling, maybe, there’s a little more to it.

“It’s a nice view,” Joshua says, and Neku can’t help a satisfied smile from forming on his face as he’s proven correct. It’s only a brief pause after, but it’s enough for Neku’s mind to wander - how many times had Joshua sat up here, alone? How long had he stared down at this same scenery, separated from it all in an unshareable isolation?

Neku wonders if he could ever sit here long enough with Joshua to truly make up for that. Probably never, as no amount of time would overwrite what’s already happened, but…

Neku wants to get as close as he can.

He scoots another inch toward Joshua.

“And I thought it would be a fitting place to tell you something,” Joshua goes on.

Neku raises an eyebrow. He had wanted to lead into asking Joshua to start spending the night with him, which should have been easy since they usually sat here talking about nothing and everything - never had Joshua opened with something like this. “What is it?”

Joshua isn’t making eye contact, which tells Neku it’s not something Joshua really wants to bring up, but more of a necessity. Honestly, overlooking the Scramble like this, Hachiko in sight, on top of 104, and the fact that a certain something hasn’t come up in these past weeks yet gives Neku a pretty good hunch -

“We need to run a Game,” Joshua says unceremoniously. Which is as Neku expected, and it’s something that’s crossed his mind several times at this point, but - he figured Joshua would bring it up when it came to it, and honestly these past few weeks just… existing with Joshua and his other friends without much of a real concern had been so nice that Neku hadn’t really been eager to bring it up himself, either.

But here they are now, and so Neku just nods. “Right. So… what do we do?”

Maybe his readiness to just go with this surprises Joshua a little, because he glances over, head slightly tilted, eyes in a passive study. “Well, we don’t need to do much of anything. I’d like to let Uzuki take the reins for the most part and see how she does.”

Neku’s lips play into a wry smile. Yes, it’s probably true to a degree that Joshua wants to see how freshly crowned Conductor Uzuki fares, but somehow he has a feeling that Joshua not having to do much is more than coincidence.

“But I’ll at least want to closely watch the beginning in two days,” Joshua goes on, looking back out at the Scramble, “and this is a great viewpoint, so likely from here.”

“Wait,” Neku stops, holding his free hand up. “This is starting in two days?”

“Indeed.”

Neku narrows his eyes. “How long have you known this?”

Joshua shrugs, tapping his heels against the building. “Is that relevant?”

Neku will take that answer as a while. “You could have mentioned this sooner,” he says, casting his own eyes out toward the throngs of people below them. It’s not exactly a big deal and doesn’t really change anything, but it’s still the sort of thing he’d prefer not to have sprung on him next to last second.

He feels Joshua’s eyes on him, and Neku turns his head to meet them. Again, Joshua is staring at him in an obvious study, as if trying to physically see Neku’s feelings. He’s placed his coffee down and brought his legs up toward his chest, arms holding them up, and his head is leaned towards his knees. “There’s no need for you to do anything,” Joshua says. Neku waits a moment to see if he’s going to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

So Neku says, “I mean, we must have to do some things.”

“They’re things I can take care of.”

“Hold on,” Neku says, putting his own coffee down so he can cross his arms. “We’re not - sharing this,” he goes with, gesturing between them, “just for me to not do anything when it’s time to do the actual job I signed up for.”

“I’m just saying you don’t have to do anything,” Joshua effectively repeats, this time looking back out at the Scramble. “If you don’t want to.”

His voice ends a little softer. Neku takes in the words for a moment, this time - ah. He didn’t have to do anything, if he didn’t want to - he didn’t have to be a part of the Game, he didn’t have to - see anything.

If Neku’s being truthful - entirely truthful - he’s not exactly incredibly eager about this. But it’s a part of the job, and even if Joshua is offering this… well, for one, Neku knows he and Joshua are already skirting a line, and somehow Neku thinks that one half of Shibuya’s Composer having nothing to do with the Game won’t exactly paint them in an any more positive light.

Then again, Joshua always is skirting a line for Neku, it seems like.

More importantly, more than his hesitation - this is exactly why he’s here. So Joshua isn’t doing this alone. Even if Joshua doesn't have the aversion Neku does, it still isn’t something one should be doing alone.

Neku doesn’t think so, anyway. That’s why he’s here on top of 104 with Joshua, sitting closer than he needs to, sharing the same, isolated view.

“If I shirk my duties, how can I be sure you’ll keep me around?” is Neku’s response. Playful, with a slight smile on his face.

Not needing words is nice, sometimes.

Joshua’s lips curl into their own easy smile, relaxed, and Neku feels as warm as he would if he’d taken a sip of his coffee. “Well, you’re nice to look at, if nothing else.”

Neku lightly elbows him, and Joshua stifles a little giggle. It’s only been a night since they last saw each other, but even that feels like too long, and what Neku would give to just -

He pauses in sudden realization. This is it.

“Wait,” Neku says, leaning forward and looking at Joshua as seriously as he can muster. “I have a condition.”

Joshua raises an eyebrow, legs going back to dangle over the building as he crosses his arms. “I don’t think doing your job is something you can afford to lay out a condition on,” he says. But Neku remains firm, still, even as Joshua studies him, tries to gauge what it might be. Neku has a feeling he won’t be able to. “But fine, I’ll at least hear you out, if you’re going to twist my arm. What is it?”

Neku opens his mouth and - is about to say sleep with me, but realizes that certainly won’t sound the way he intends, and - Joshua’s tilting his head, lips curling into a more smug smile, just ask -

“Come to bed with me,” Neku all but blurts, and Joshua, predictably, looks as if he’s suddenly got an endless list of fun things to say, but Neku shakes his head and continues on before Joshua has a chance to. “At night.” Not much better. “I mean - you know what I mean. I’m not asking you to sleep.” Not yet, anyway. “But I’m - tired of waking up alone.”

That’s not quite how Neku meant to phrase it, though it’s true, of course. He had wanted this to come off stronger, like a demand - no doubt Joshua is going to rebuke him regardless, and Neku’s realizing he didn’t plan any rebukes for the arguments of imaginary Joshua, let alone the real one -

Joshua isn’t looking at him anymore, though, resting his chin on his hand, elbow propped on his crossed legs. “Alright. Deal.”

Neku stares. No way it’s that easy. “What’s the catch?”

Joshua’s eyes look at him, purposefully, shimmering a bright violet in the morning light. Neku wonders how warm they’d be in the softer luminescence of his room. “Wow, there’s no catch. Believe it or not, Neku, I’m just that kind.”

It’s dripping in mock sincerity, but in return, Neku smiles softly, and leans his head right onto Joshua’s shoulder. “Yeah, with me.”

He has a feeling that Joshua’s rolling his eyes, but despite that, Joshua leans his head a little onto Neku’s.

And they stay like that, a while. They chat about this and that, about the hangout yesterday, about the movie Beat and Rhyme want to go see next week, about the new banner dropping in Tin Pin in a few days, about how Mr. H could stand to stock some other types of coffee, and everything in between.

Mostly everything, anyway. Neither of them makes any further mention of the Game. And even if they’re letting Uzuki take care of most of it, Neku assumes there has to be more to talk about, but -

They can save it for tomorrow.

Eventually they’re back at WildKat and Neku is making a quick lunch, and another coffee for Joshua, and for a while they actually don’t talk - Joshua leaning one elbow against the counter and reading some book, and Neku curled into booth seats with his sketchbook. It’s quiet, comfortable, and Neku’s pencil moves on its own as he sketches Joshua’s relaxed form and the surrounding scenery. Just for some observation practice.

It’s getting close enough to dinner when Shiki texts him, insisting that Neku and Joshua join her and Eri at Curry Don, and to Neku’s slight surprise, Joshua agrees. Not that him acquiescing to come is much of a rarity anymore, but two days in a row certainly is. Maybe because it’s just the four of them, or maybe Joshua’s warming up to the curry that much.

It’s not all that long, because Shiki and Eri have got some Gatto Nero stuff to do, but it’s still well into the evening by the time Neku and Joshua return to WildKat, since they walked both ways. Which no, they didn’t have to do, but - they just did, sometimes. It was just another unspoken thing, though honestly, Neku’s not a hundred percent on Joshua’s reasoning for this. Neku likes being in the streets, most of the time, they’re familiar, they’re comfortable, and every day he feels more in tune with it all, like every sound is a part of a song playing deep in his head.

Today, though - for Neku - it’s more than about enjoying the feeling of home, Joshua next to him. He thinks, more than usual, as the hundreds of people pass him on the street. The Game. He can do this - can’t he? He can’t imagine he’ll have to do much, but he knows it’s not about what he has to or doesn’t have to do.

It’s just the idea of the Game - the life or death Game - going on, so close, under him. Yes, overall, it had obviously been a net gain for Neku - in more ways than one - but it was still something he wouldn’t exactly be excited to do again, and the idea of dozens of people’s lives on the line in an environment he can control, affect, people just like the anguished Souls of Shinjuku -

It’s not the same. He knows it’s not, but still - does he have any right to do this? And more than that, is he going to - be normal about it? For the most part, he’d been able to push thoughts of wailing Souls and terrified, confused ghosts into the back of his mind, to try and make a peace with it, but being so close to something like the Game - and he’s supposed to be Joshua’s partner here, his equal -

He realizes somewhere along the walk that Joshua’s taken his hand, and that he’s giving it a little squeeze now. Neku glances at him. Joshua doesn’t make eye contact, and he doesn’t ask anything.

And Neku’s thankful. He likes the simplicity of Joshua’s hand on his now, close. Affirming. He squeezes back.

“I suppose I’ll leave you, then,” Joshua says as Neku closes and locks the WildKat door behind them.

Neku faces him and crosses his arms. “Hey. You said it was a deal.”

To which Joshua also crosses his arms. “And it is. But obviously it doesn't go into effect until your end does. Surely you can keep it in your pants for another forty-eight hours?”

“I said that’s not what it’s about,” Neku says, but can tell based on the smirk on Joshua’s face that his face is coloring nonetheless. Regardless, Joshua had agreed, so Neku won’t push it. He guesses.

It’s actually probably for the better, anyway. After all, Neku has something he needs to do tonight, and by extension tomorrow if he’s lucky, and he’d rather it be without Joshua’s prying eyes.

“If you say so,” Joshua says, looking satisfied enough with himself. Enough that Neku steps forward, pressing their lips together before Joshua can get out some other comment. It certainly wipes the smirk off his face, and they stay like that for a few moments, while Neku laces his fingers into Joshua’s.

When Neku pulls back he’s wearing a soft smile, and Joshua lets out a small, mock sigh, though it’s betrayed by the clear tone of fondness, and by the way his lips are ever so slightly curved. “Good night, Neku.”

“Good night,” Neku says, and then Joshua is gone and Neku is alone.

He makes his way upstairs. Honestly, why did Joshua even bother to leave? Even if he doesn’t sleep, he could at least hang out in Neku’s room, or even on the bottom floor… there had been more than one occasion anyway when Neku had dozed off as they sat in one of the booths, only to awake and find himself upstairs, alone… or they’d been hanging out in his room and Neku had fallen asleep without realizing, only to wake up in the morning - alone. Would it kill Joshua to just stay? It just seems like a weird thing to have an aversion to, but -

No, it’s not weird, it’s very Joshua. Neku supposes he can’t expect the guy who wouldn’t even come to Hachiko to suddenly be eager to spend the night with him, to do one of the most - coupley things Neku can imagine, really.

He opens his bedroom door and shuts it with a sigh. Maybe he’s being too pushy. Impatient.

After quickly changing into some pajamas, he walks over to his desk, figuring maybe he’ll sketch until his eyes get too tired, do something to occupy his mind. He turns on the lamp and opens the drawer, pulling out his most recently used sketchbook -

And stops. Beside it lay the two Player Pins. One, of course, is rather bent out of shape from Megumi’s actions - but nonetheless, Neku kept both, as did his parallel self, apparently. Back then, in that short time Neku had before Shinjuku - he never bothered to try and justify why he kept them. He just - did.

Now, he’s glad for it.

He sets the sketchbook down and picks up the pins. One, his own, and the other Joshua had given - well, “given,” Neku supposes. It of course had protected him in the end, even if it was to further Joshua’s own agenda. Although Neku hadn’t realized it until afterward, they had always symbolized a tie between him and Joshua from the very start.

He thinks, suddenly, of only a few weeks ago, with the wall behind him and Joshua in front of him, quietly telling him that he wanted Neku’s okay.

No. Neku’s fine.

If he doesn’t push Joshua, who will?

He takes a deep breath. And who’s going to push him, if Joshua didn’t?

Not that what he’s about to do is an intentional result of Joshua’s actions, but - he needs this, all the same, and today had made him think about it.

He puts down the pins and then takes out his phone, unlocks it, and swipes open his messages, until he’s found Rindo. Before he can think twice - not that he would, not anymore - he types and sends:

Neku Sakuraba
hey. you free tomorrow?

Chapter Text

Neku has the lights on and the coffee up and going almost twenty minutes before Rindo is supposed to arrive.

It’s the middle of the day anyway, but obviously he didn’t want to make Rindo be here too early. Yet still, it’s the first time Neku’s left his room since he woke up. He’s spent his morning making sure he doesn’t back himself out of this, first by trying to sleep some more and when that failed, by drawing, and when he couldn’t focus on that, he just sat scrolling on his phone, interspersed with some pacing around his room.

But now he’s finally down here, dressed and ready to go. Perhaps he should eat something, just to put something in his stomach, but he really can’t find it in himself to – somehow he has this feeling like it’s just going to come right back up.

Which, honestly, is odd. It’s not like Neku to be nervous. At least not over something like this. Maybe later on he’d admit to himself that he was anxious, but if there’s anything he’s good it, it was that when push comes to shove, he can bury what he needs to and get the job done.

Okay, phrased like that, it doesn’t sound like this amazing thing, but – it’s what got him through a lot, and the Twisters had looked up to him largely because of his ability to keep his cool, no matter the situation. Just because they’re not in a Game anymore doesn’t mean Neku is going to let that image slip, especially not when Rindo still comes to him seeking advice sometimes, or just to talk.

And maybe even more so than Rindo, there’s someone else he’s definitely not going to show even a smidgen of weakness to.

Neku slides his hand into his jacket pocket, and takes out his two Player Pins. There’s no reason for him to carry them around even today, but…

He slips them back into his pocket.

Despite the fact that it’s a public building, and there’s a bell on the entryway, Neku eventually hears Rindo knocking gently at the door pane. He lets out a soft snicker and then calls for him to come in.

Rindo waves shortly as he enters, making sure to close the door behind him before he approaches the counter. “Hey,” he says, hopping up onto one of the stools.

“Hey,” Neku says, pouring a cup of coffee and sliding it in front of him. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” Rindo says. “What’s up?”

Neku considers striking up some more normal conversation first, or at least asking him how he is. But he has to do this right now – partially because he’s psyched himself up, and partially because telling Joshua that Rindo wanted to meet up and chat only buys him so much time.

Neku looks at Rindo. “I want you to call Hazuki here.”

Rindo blinks at him. “Uh… like, right here? Right now?”

“Yeah. If it’s you, he’ll definitely show.”

Rindo raises a quizzical eyebrow. “First, what does that mean? And second, why do you need me to do this? I don’t mind, I just… you can’t like, magically contact him now? Or even normally? Or something?”

“He’s always showing up to hang out with you,” Neku says. “And no, I can’t. I don’t have his number or anything, and having you ask guarantees he’ll be here fast.”

Rindo’s already taking out his phone, but he still asks, “Joshua doesn’t have his number?”

Neku shifts on his feet a bit. “I’m not getting Josh involved in every single thing I do.” Obvious code for “I don’t want Joshua to know about this,” which Rindo seems to get or at least not question, as he goes along typing into his phone. And in all honesty, Neku wouldn’t put it past Joshua to deliberately not have Hazuki in his contacts.

Rindo stops typing, looking up at Neku. “So why do you need to see him? I sort of thought Joshua and he were…” He trails off, clearly trying to search for whatever might describe their relationship and failing. “I mean, since you and Joshua are… close, I thought you wouldn’t really want to see Hazuki anymore.”

Now Neku is eyeing him curiously. “‘Hazuki?’ Not ‘Mikagi-san’ anymore?”

“Oh… well,” Rindo says, slowly, sinking his chair a bit further, “I mean – he drops by a lot. It started to feel weird. He kept insisting…”

“Right,” Neku says with a little smile. Glancing down, it seems like Rindo’s text is all done, just waiting to be sent for the last several seconds. “Everything okay?”

Rindo follows his gaze, and hovers his finger over the send button. “Yeah. He just…” He shakes his head, looking back up at Neku. “But really, I’m curious. Why do you need to see him?”

Neku lets out a sigh. “I actually… have to ask him a favor.” Unfortunately.

Honestly, even if yesterday had been the push, Neku had spent not just last evening and this morning thinking about this, but the last few weeks, as well. But now that there’s finally going to be a Game – what sort of Composer would Neku be if he couldn’t be at his best? Not just a Composer, but… Composer with Joshua.

And Neku’s pushing him by asking him to sleep with him. He knows he is. So this is only fair.

There’s another moment before Rindo actually sends the text, where he’s clearly watching to see if Neku will elaborate. But Neku honestly doesn’t want to say this more than once, mostly because it’ll probably open up a slew of questions.

He sees Rindo send the message, so… any second now –

A brief flash of light accompanies Hazuki’s arrival, even quicker than Neku would have thought. “Hello,” he says with a smile, sitting next to Rindo without a hint of reluctance. “This is a surprise. Rindo’s said you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah,” Neku says. And he takes a last moment to take in a deep breath before he goes through with this, because there’s really no going back after.

This is a mistake, of course, because before Neku can go on Hazuki is talking again. “Curious. I assume this is a secret from Joshua? You know he can’t detect me even here, and he’s definitely absent, and you went through Rindo, not him. Very curious. I have to say, I’m not sure how comfortable I am keeping something from him, especially in his city.”

Neku meets Hazuki’s gaze – his unreadable, ever present small smile, the curious glint in his eyes. It’s highly unfortunate that there’s no way or Neku to do what he wants to do without Hazuki’s assistance, but at the very least, he’d like to avoid as many questions as possible – since it’s not like Hazuki would understand anyway. So Neku merely takes a breath and says, “I want you to take me to Shinjuku.”

Even out of the corner of his gaze, he can see Rindo’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull. And for as surprised as Rindo looks, Hazuki looks entirely unfazed. “I can do this for you. Now?”

Neku nods, and sees Rindo looking from him, to Hazuki, and back again. Hazuki gives him a little head tilt, smile widening just a bit. “Did you want to come too, Rindo?”

“Huh? No!” Rindo says, shaking his head quickly. “I mean, isn’t it… it’s all destroyed, right? It’d be like –” He stops short, brow furrowing, and shakes his head again, staring at his lap. “No, I don’t want to go.” He looks back up at Neku, face still knit with concern. “Why do you want to go, Neku?”

Ugh. Neku doesn’t really mind Rindo asking, especially when it’s clear it’s out of genuine care, but Hazuki is still looking at him too, with a pure inquisitiveness that’s jarring right next to Rindo’s worried frown. “It’s a bit complicated,” Neku settles on, hoping Rindo will catch on.

Rindo gives a little nod, eyes flickering to Hazuki. “Then… I guess I’ll let you guys go.”

“Is this going to take long, Neku?” Hazuki asks, before looking back over to Rindo. “Where are you headed? Assuming this doesn’t take very much long, I’ll come and meet you and we’ll still be able to spend some time together.”

“Uh… I’m not really sure,” Rindo says, fingers fidgeting along the edge of his mask. “I’ll text you.”

“Don’t worry,” Neku says, and despite the nervousness bubbling in his stomach, a tiny smile plays at his lips. “I wouldn’t dream of keeping you separated too long.”

This seems to genuinely please Hazuki, smile growing wider and eyes closed in happiness, whereas Rindo just sort of gives an awkward half-laugh, half-clearing his throat sort of sound. “Right… see you, then.”

Neku waves and gives a thank, and Hazuki nods his head. “See you soon, Rindo.”

A bit quickly, Rindo scoots out of the stool and hustles for the door. “So,” Hazuki says, though despite this his eyes are completely glued to Rindo as he leaves, watching him out the window until he’s well out of sight. Only then does he turn to Neku and continue, “If you’re all set, let’s be off.”

Neku raises his eyebrow a little. Not that he wanted it, but he certainly expected a bit more questioning. He’ll take his blessings where he can get them though, so he just nods.

Hazuki stands up, and of course instead of simply walking around the corner, he flashes in an instant from one side to the other, right next to Neku. His hand takes Neku’s – and there’s a surprising amount of warmth to his touch, but somehow just doesn’t feel right – like Neku’s put his hand on a hot coffee cup, or a lampshade, and not – a person.

But that’s absolutely the least of his concerns when the too-familiar rush crashes over his body, though it quickly becomes extremely unfamiliar. It’s like a static prickling his skin, and it takes longer, more than just one second – several seconds may not be a long time but they certainly feel like it when it’s as if his body is being pushed and pulled and Hazuki’s touch is hot like a burn and doesn’t ground Neku at all –

At last it’s over, though, and Hazuki lets him go, so when Neku stumbles like he’s landing a jump he nearly falls forward. He regains his balance and –

Of course, here he is, in Shinjuku. It’s exactly as Neku remembers – a red, dismal sky, buildings laying in ruin, and an eerie quietude hanging in the air.

Neku’s skin feels like it’s crawling.

“So?” Hazuki asks, tone still sounding as if they’re simply chatting away at WildKat. “What are we here for, Neku?”

Neku turns to face him. Maybe he owes Hazuki at least a bit of an explanation – after all, he couldn’t be here without Hazuki’s help. And Hazuki is the Composer of their neighboring district. It would do well for Neku to try and help foster a good relationship, surely.

Though again, it’s not like Hazuki is going to understand. But perhaps that’s presumptuous of Neku to say – he hardly knows Hazuki, really.

But he does know that Hazuki is the reason that all around them, it’s as if the world is falling apart. Not a thing hangs in the air, not a sound or breeze or scent or anything – yet it reeks of the stench of death. It reeks in the way the sky is painted out of blood, in the ruins, in the way that Neku knows of all too well, that Neku could hear if he just focused, and he’s surprised he can’t even just standing here.

Does Hazuki even notice these things? Had Hazuki ever listened, even once?

Neku clenches his fists. This – isn’t what he’s here for. Not exactly.

Hazuki is still smiling. “Neku? Is something wrong?”

And in fact, Neku thinks Hazuki’s smile widens a little.

“You’re an ass,” Neku says, fists balled so hard they may be bruising his palms. “You’re a complete ass.” Hazuki stares at him, not a modicum of change in his expression. “I’ve been nice – because I kept telling myself I didn’t know you that well, even though from the moment I saw you, you made my skin crawl. I’ll keep being nice, because you’re Rindo’s friend, and because I don’t want to cause problems for Joshua. But you’re an ass, and I don’t like you.”

Hazuki finally nods slowly, as if taking the words in, and then he actually lets out a small, amused laugh. “I don’t think we had to come here for you to tell me you don’t like me.”

Neku narrows his eyes. “No, we didn’t. I came here to tell you that if you ever try and mess with Joshua or mess with Shibuya again, it will be the last decision you ever make.” Neku steps forward – straight, hands still clenched – a contrast to Hazuki, hands in his pockets, posture still relaxed and at ease. “I don’t care who you are.”

Neku’s sure of this. He would have been sure of this months ago, before he was Composer. He’s fought scarier things than Hazuki.

Though he doesn’t forget the way Hazuki held his own perfectly fine against Joshua, in that brief clash Neku got to see in at the river. And for a moment, right now, Neku does feel something – he feels it in the way Hazuki’s lips curl up just a fraction further, he feels it in the way the air becomes just a little heavier, as if it’s converging. Neku is no stranger to feeling a raw collection of power, but even for someone who’s stood toe to toe with Megumi, even for someone who has – with friends – fought a physical embodiment of lost souls and failed timelines – what Neku even feels a shred of now is nothing quite like anything he’s felt before.

And yet Neku doesn’t budge an inch. He continues to meet Hazuki’s gaze evenly, and in fact, he takes a step forward. “Don’t forget that. And I’ll be watching Rindo. If anything happens to him either…”

This actually seems to give Hazuki pause. His smile fades just a bit, and he tilts his head, as if this sentiment in particular confuses him. It makes sense – Neku himself is not all too sure what he means, exactly, or what he thinks may happen. If anything, Hazuki has clearly been a positive for Rindo – he’s the one who gave him the last chance to turn back time, and he kept to his word and took care of Shoka after the incident when she was turned into Noise. And yet – Neku just can’t shake it, especially not when Hazuki is standing calmly and perfectly unperturbed backdropped against the destruction of his own willing, like he can’t understand even a shred of the suffering all around them, one that chokes the air and in that way, Neku supposes it makes sense why it wouldn’t bother someone who he’s not even sure breathes.

“Speaking of Rindo,” Hazuki says, turning to look around about them, “I am disappointed he didn’t join us.”

Neku raises an eyebrow. He can make a guess, but… “Why?”

Hazuki is quiet in thought. He looks up at the sky, humming once before finally saying, “I wanted to show him this place where I come from. I think that most clearly articulates it, though I couldn’t exactly explain to you why.” He smiles again, looking back at Neku. “How curious.”

Now Neku is quiet. He had expected this to be harder – this certainly wasn’t a place he saw himself ever coming again out of his free will. Before he returned to Shibuya, he had sort of adjusted to it – to the oppressive air, to the sadness etched into every corner, to the confusion and downright despair of lost souls that never ended. But after so many months away, back in Shibuya, surrounded by light and life and all emotions, Neku wasn’t sure he could take it again.

Which is all he more reason he has to be here, now, on the threshold of a Game, one of the ultimate duties of a Composer. That is why Neku has to put every single doubt behind him, and why standing here, saying this to someone like Hazuki in the midst of Shinjuku of all places, is the best way to do it. If Neku can prove to himself that he can hold himself to another Composer here of all people – a place he’s avoided thinking of for months, what couldn’t he push himself to do if it came to it?

Though standing here now, in the quietude – eerie as it is – Neku wonders if he blew it out of proportion. It’s not pleasant, but it’s – not as bad as he thought it would be, as he remembered it being. Was he mistaken? It hadn’t been that long since he was here. Is it that whatever the Shinjuku Reapers are up to is already having some kind of effect? He’s not that crazy. Something is different here, something he can’t quite describe. The place looks the exact same, definitely. But Neku almost feels like if he wanted to hear the lost souls, or feel the true weight of that oppressive air – he’d have to really, really focus.

Is it that Hazuki is here? Is his mere presence enough to quiet the city? That wouldn’t make much sense.

“It’s quiet,” Neku says, slowly looking around. “Quieter than I remember.”

“Is that so?” Hazuki asks. His eyes drift up to the sky once more. “I can’t say I find it quieter than usual since the Inversion. It’s nice.”

Neku’s gaze snaps to him. “No, it’s not.”

Hazuki gives a soft chuckle – but it doesn’t ring quite as hollow, having an almost sardonic note to it. “You know… I have a feeling Rindo might say the same thing.”

Neku watches him. Hazuki doesn’t meet his gaze, head still tilted up, looking up with an unreadable expression. Hazuki Mikagi… Neku is pretty sure he’ll never like him. Not after witnessing firsthand each and every life here lost to something to cruel and pointless – no matter what kind of background Hazuki has. And Neku really can’t say he’s compelled to ever want to know anything more about him, not when they’re standing here in the middle of it all the ruin again.

But he will, maybe, someday. And for now – for the sake of Rindo and everyone else – Neku will just continue to hope that Hazuki’s usual, impassive expression becomes more of a thing of the past, and what becomes familiar is the soft smile he wears when Neku sees him with Rindo and his friends.

“Are we all done here, then?” Hazuki finally says, looking back to Neku.

Neku takes a deep breath. He looks around once more – taking in everything in its dilapidated, broken state. Could the Shinjuku Reapers actually do something here?

Neku hardly knows them, but by now he knows much better than to underestimate the strength of friends with a common goal. He smiles a little.

All the same… again, he had expected this to be a little different. He had expected to have to push himself just to exist here – it doesn’t feel like quite an adequate final hurdle for himself before being Composer during a Game. Maybe if Hazuki left, if he was alone?

The cool flash of light is so familiar that it doesn’t need to take a real shape before Neku knows what’s going on, of course, and his stomach sinks a bit. Great.

“If you’re going to sneak behind my back with another man,” Joshua says, striding casually toward them with his hands in his pockets, “you should have at least treated yourselves to a more romantic spot than this.”

Hazuki laughs, and Neku just rolls his eyes. “Good to see you, Joshua,” Hazuki says, smiling at him. “I’m surprised you’re here.”

“I have my ways,” Joshua says. “So what are you two up to here, hm? If it’s not a date, then I suspect Hazuki has harassed you into some ludicrous business.

Hazuki shakes his head. “No, I have no interest in Neku in that way, worry not.” He smiles. “This was Neku’s idea, though he hasn’t disclosed to me the exact reasons.”

More than usual – no doubt due to Hazuki’s presence – Joshua attempts to conceal it, but to Neku, the subtle change in his eyes is clear as day, a testament to not just how well he knows him but exactly how much that fact surprised him. “I see,” is all Joshua says, though. “Well, whatever it is, I trust we don’t need Hazuki himself here any longer, yes?”

Neku shakes his head, and again, Hazuki chuckles. “Well, you’ve allowed me in Shibuya for far longer, so I suppose I can’t say no to you two lingering here for a while. Though you can return without me?”

“We will manage without you somehow,” Joshua says flatly, and Neku has to fight the small laugh teasing inside him.

“Very well,” Hazuki says, giving a short nod of his head. “I hope to see the both of you soon.”

With flash of gold, he’s gone.

And expectedly, Joshua wastes not a second, crossing his arms and taking a step closer to Neku. “So? You’re here because…?”

“Because I have bodily autonomy and I don’t have to report everything I do to you,” Neku says, but he’s smiling, even as Joshua pouts at him. “How about you tell me why you’re here, chasing me all the way to another city because you can’t spend a second without me?”

Joshua’s eyes narrow and Neku has to fight back a little laugh. “Gee, Neku, maybe next time I won’t be concerned when I suddenly can’t seem to sense you anywhere and you’re not with the person you said you’d be with.”

“There’s not going to be a next time, for one,” Neku says, taking a step closer, “and two, aw, you were concerned about me?”

Now Joshua is rolling his eyes and Neku is openly giving a soft laugh. When had it became to easy to tease Joshua like this? He recalls all the times Joshua so readily ruffled Neku’s feathers instead, all the times Joshua teased him and Neku would flush.

“I’m sorry, though,” Neku says, a little softer, placing a hand on Joshua’s arm. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Joshua gives a little shrug, not quite meeting Neku’s gaze. “I knew nothing was probably wrong. I just figured Hazuki had roped you into something inane.” His eyes flicker up to meet Neku’s, and he adds with a little smile, “and I thought I’d get the chance to not only give him a hard time, but also come swooping in to give you an out, and you could repay me when, as you so eloquently put, you’d take me to bed –”

Neku sighs, loud enough to cut Joshua off, sliding his hand off and taking a step away. “Okay, okay,” he says, turning around on the slim chance Joshua hasn’t already caught the flush rising to his face. “I just…” He take a deep breath – it’s not like he has any real qualms sharing this with Joshua, it had just – been something he wanted to do on his own. And he had… he supposes. Even though again, it wasn’t quite the hurdle he’d thought it would be. “When I came back… suddenly, I had to kind of take care of the Twisters and kind of… lead for them, in a situation where the city was about to be destroyed… again. And I could barely keep myself together. I don’t think any of them picked up on it, but it was taking everything I had just to stay in the moment. I could hardly focus on what anyone was saying. I…” Neku shakes his head – bits and pieces of those few days flash in his mind, or as much as they can, anyway. Even now, Neku can’t really remember a lot of the in between moments – just the fighting, the end result, and doing everything he could to keep himself present. “I can’t be like that as a Composer. Being like that back then was a close enough call. And you –” he takes a steady breath, turning back to face Joshua. “You – and Shibuya – deserve better than that. I’m here to help take weight off you, not add more.”

Joshua is quiet. He’s looking at Neku intently – nearly unblinking, not moving another muscle. An analyzing stare Neku is all too familiar with – though unlike what now feels like a distant past, Neku sees – feels – a softness in it.

“I see,” Joshua eventually says. He takes a step closer, close enough now that Neku can see every strand of his artfully messy hair, every shade of lavender in his eyes. It strikes Neku how very out of place Joshua looks here – the red and the darkness clash with him so badly, and the heaviness is so very at odds with Joshua’s air of lightness and grace. “Do you feel alright?”

“Yeah,” Neku says, taking a look around him once more. “It’s weird, actually. I remembered this place feeling… worse, I guess.” He gives another, softer sigh. “I’m kind of worried. If I’m desensitized to this… how can I be someone who watches over a whole city of people, when I can’t even perceive the feelings around here anymore? At first I thought it’s just different here now, somehow, but… there’s no reason for it to be.”

Again, Joshua is quiet, but for just a moment. “I thought the same thing,” he then says, looking around as well.

Thought the same… Neku stares at him. He had never asked Joshua much about that time he apparently came here with Hazuki himself – it certainly didn’t seem like Joshua wanted it brought up, and Neku was content to leave that one his business. But since Joshua is kind of bringing it up now… “You mean like it’s quieter than before?”

“Mm,” is all Joshua replies.

And then they simply stand there, quiet once more, as if trying to listen and make sure of what they’ve said. But Neku continues to let his eyes flicker to Joshua – how had Joshua felt back then? At the time, Neku would have thought that perhaps being Composer would make it so the city had less of an effect on him – and it would make sense why Neku feels better this time – but Joshua had just said it feels quieter now, so back then – had Joshua felt the same as Neku did? Maybe being the Composer made it worse? But again, then that wouldn’t line up with how Neku feels right now. And he recalls the way Joshua had been stumbling when he returned, clearly not at his best…

He closes his eyes. Maybe he can feel this out. He focuses – the air starts to feel more familiar, and the weight becomes more noticeable. Like it was never gone, not exactly… no, instead it’s like Neku is feeling it through some kind of bubble, and there are sounds, yes, but they’re muffled, as if far away.

“You are something like Shibuya’s favorite,” Joshua says – quietly, but it breaks Neku out of his focus nonetheless. “Now that you’re Composer, you’re more connected to the city than ever. It wouldn’t surprise me if even a district away, it’s trying to keep you safe.”

Neku takes in the words. Shibuya’s favorite… the statement feels weighted and complex. The city is certainly alive – Neku saw that with increasing clarity every day. Not alive in the sense of a person, an individual, being alive, but… it’s also more than a the simple collective consciousness of the denizens of the city. It’s the more that Neku feels when he listens – the tying unification of everyone’s Souls in their eclectic, chaotic harmony. The city does have a will of its own, somehow, Neku is sure – so he doesn’t have a hard time believing that it’s protecting him right now.

But of course, the only person more connected to the city would be Joshua. Neku could never understand it wholly – emotions and related things never followed any rule book or laws – but the “coincidences” were too many and too often, from the way vending machines had more than once given Joshua two of his drinks after he’d beaten Neku at a Tin Pin game, or the way that Neku’s trains and buses always seemed to be right there when he needed them, especially when Joshua knew he was in a hurry. Or how when Neku had a bad day, and only Joshua knew, the weather always seemed to perk up, as if trying to remind him of beauty and wonder and how life is good.

There’s no way they’re things Joshua is doing, that’s just not possible. And yet they were things that happened.

But so why would Joshua feel as if things are different here now? Wouldn’t the city have afforded him the same care when he came here with Hazuki back then, and not just this time?

“Why did you come here back then?” Neku asks.

He’s not sure Joshua is going to reply, and for a good minute, Joshua doesn’t. He just paces a few steps past Neku, slowly, either as if taking in the surroundings or gathering his thoughts. “I just had a feeling it was something that was bothering you,” he eventually says, so quietly that Neku hardly hears it. “And I couldn’t really understand. And since you make such an effort to try and understand me…” He lets it trail off, giving a tiny shrug.

Despite the many times Neku had speculated why Joshua may have come here then, the answer he gets at last somehow doesn’t surprise him. That is very Joshua, isn’t it? Willingly stepping into something like that. Regardless of his intentions or mindset at the time, Joshua had willingly and deliberately become Composer – willingly and deliberately shot Neku – willingly and deliberately brought him to Shinjuku, and willingly and deliberately took a step back so as not to endanger the city further. So it’s not surprising that he knowingly came to Shinjuku at that time, conscious of what awaited him. How different to Neku – shoved into the Game, hoist up as the city’s savior, thrust in as the Twisters’ mentor, though Neku thought it wasn’t too full of himself to say he’d stepped up to the challenge each time.

He eyes the back of Joshua’s figure. Joshua, who felt for him in a way that reflected in the city – a way that Neku thinks is giving the city power to do what it’s doing now, to shield him in a way that makes even the desolation of Shinjuku habitable –

He steps forward and places a hand on Joshua’s shoulder. “You’re also Shibuya’s favorite,” he says. “You must feel it, too.”

Joshua turns his head, enough to look at Neku out of the side of his eye – and Neku can see the way his lights curl a bit, turning into that small, genuine smile that makes Neku’s heart spin. “I do,” Joshua murmurs. “Thanks.”

Maybe Neku shouldn’t be going in for something like this right now – not in the middle of a sort of vulnerable conversation – but he really, really can’t help it, not when he sees Joshua like that and feels so affirmed that no matter what may lay in front of them, they’re together and have Shibuya and home so it will all work out, somehow – so he leans forward and presses his lips to Joshua’s cheek. It’s a bit warmer than the rest of him, and Joshua gives the softest little laugh and Neku is really going to melt.

“Let’s go home,” Joshua says. Neku nods.

Joshua turns and they hold hands. Although – “How did you get here?” Neku asks. He just sort of figures that maybe it’s because Joshua’s a lot more experienced with this sort of thing, but it sounded like even Hazuki was surprised that Joshua got here without him.

Joshua smiles, a little. “I needed to be here, silly. So I just… did what I had to. And I think with the two of us, it’ll be pretty simple.”

Neku thinks so, too.

Their hands tighten a bit around each other, and Neku takes one last look around them – because he’s sure that the next time he’s here, the place will be better.

He then closes his eyes as Joshua does, and his body rushes and leaps without moving at all, Joshua’s touch grounding him all the while in the brief moments it takes for them to return to WildKat. Neku opens his eyes and allows relief to wash over him – even it it hadn’t been as bad, it’s nothing like being home, in Shibuya. The air welcomes him, warm and freeing, and a familiar hum waltzes to his ears.

“Sit,” Joshua says, gesturing to the other side of the counter. “I’ll at least make you coffee.”

“Who went and replaced you?” Neku teases, and Joshua gets in a good nudge of his arm before Neku walks around the corner and scoots onto one of the stools.

“Don’t think so much of yourself,” Joshua says. “I want some for myself, too.”

Neku doesn’t doubt it, but he gives Joshua a disbelieving eyebrow raise all the same.

He stretches as the coffee pot flips on, noting the tiredness creeping into him. It’s still far from late, but Neku supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that a trip like that would take something out of him. He’d best turn in early anyway, since tomorrow…

“Don’t think too little of yourself, either,” Joshua says, a little quieter, leaning his elbows on the counter. “I think you’d do well not to forget how much weight you’ve already taken off the city’s shoulders… and that of others’.”

Neku meets his eyes – and sees how well Joshua seems to fit here, how the warm café lighting seems to embrace him, how his soft smile goes so well with the inviting and comforting scent of the brewing coffee. “Thanks,” is all Neku says, though he smiles back at Joshua with every inch of warmth he feels inside himself.

Joshua pours the coffee a minute later, sliding one across to Neku and one into the spot next to him. Like a normal person, he walks around to the other side to join Neku and sit, and they talk, and talk, and things are nice.

Eventually Joshua says he’s got to go chat with Mr. H about some things he assures Neku up and down are borderline pointless and extremely boring and Neku will have plenty of opportunities to be present for tedious humdrum, so really, Neku should at least spend the rest of the day having some fun in Joshua’s honor. Neku thinks about hitting up one of his other friends after Joshua’s gone, but he really is a bit burnt out, so he just heads up to his room and decides to draw a bit and wills himself into some laundry and other small chores since he supposes he’s not sure how busy he’ll be exactly in the next few days. When it’s finally night, Neku turns in earlier than usual as he’d wanted.

But of course, he doesn’t sleep. How is he supposed to? As sure as he is that with Joshua will be with him, that everything will be fine – how can he help but have anxiety crawling in his stomach? With death running through the city, with peoples’ lives in the balance and – it will be fine, Neku is sure, but – but –

He sits up and takes a look at his phone. 23:56… he groans. He had laid down over an hour ago, and now sleeping early is well out the window…

Since just laying here isn’t doing him any good, he gets out of bed again and decides to go downstairs for more water. Once he’s done that he heads back to his room, and –

Pauses, because there Joshua is, laying in his bed and under his covers like he’d been there the whole time. “What a night owl you are, Neku,” he says.

Neku’s mind is far too tired to try and make sense of this. He walks over to the bed, as if not entirely sure if he’s downright hallucinating, but it’s unmistakably Joshua, unmistakably real and here. “What are you doing here?” Neku asks, tone in utter bewilderment.

“This was the deal, silly,” Joshua says, as if it’s obvious. “It’s past midnight, so it’s officially the first day of the Game. I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain.”

Neku stares. He’s not objecting, but – ugh, if he had known, he would have maybe put a little more effort into tidying, or making his bed, not that it’s messy, but – oh, that’s just silly –

“Well don’t just stand there,” Joshua says, patting the spot next to him. “It’s late.”

Wordlessly, Neku walks to the other side and scoots back in. The bed is bigger than what he’s used to – not the tiny single he had growing up or that was in the other Neku’s dorm – so he and Joshua fit neatly, with a bit of room to spare. Neku glances over and – his heart jumps a bit. Why is he feeling like this? This is natural. They’re a – couple. Couples sleep together. He literally asked for this.

And he does want it. His heart is jumping, but – looking over and seeing Joshua next to him – he feels warm from the inside out, he feels so compelled to turn and throw his arms around him and just lay here and exist together.

But god, he’s supposed to be sleeping. He really needs to sleep. How on Earth is he supposed to do that now?

“You should sleep,” Joshua says, as if reading his mind.

“I know,” Neku says, groaning a little.

Joshua turns on his side to face him. The blanket falls a bit and he realizes Joshua’s got on a dark, long-sleeved shirt that Neku doesn’t recognize – at least not on Joshua, because it’s one of Neku’s own pajama shirts.

Joshua follows his gaze and giggles. “Sorry. I didn’t exactly have pajamas of my own, so I figured you wouldn’t mind if I borrowed.”

“I don’t,” Neku says. Joshua’s probably expecting a tease, but – honestly, Neku is too caught up in wanting to pull the blanket down, to see how his clothes look on Joshua – Joshua wearing something that belongs to Neku –

God, he is never sleeping.

“Just relax,” Joshua says. “Close your eyes. Sleep will come.”

Neku lets out a short, quiet laugh. “Yeah, somehow I don’t think the guy who literally doesn’t sleep is going to have the best advice about this.”

Joshua rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling nonetheless. “Just do it, Neku.”

Neku does, since he really has to sleep, though he’s not expecting much since that’s what he’s been doing for the past damn hour or so. Butterflies still flit in his stomach, and his heart is still rather loud in his chest – and it all but leaps when he feels Joshua’s hand lightly on his chest.

But somehow, Neku’s eyes feel far too heavy to open, and his heart doesn’t jump again, and all the anxiety in his stomach seems to still as sleep washes over him, easily and gently.