Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You can’t help but admire the sunset as you ride home after a long day at work. With the road fairly quiet and your motorcycle helmet keeping the sun out of your field of vision, you’re free to stare dreamily at the orange-and-pink sky up ahead. The café had been particularly busy today, so this easy ride home was just what you needed to unwind after hours of taking orders and cleaning tables. 

It feels like no time at all when you turn down your street and roll to a stop beside your home, turning off the engine and removing your helmet. You’ve been living in this house with your family for about five years now - which you’re pretty sure is the longest stretch of time you’ve lived in one place throughout your entire life. Your family moved around quite a lot when you were a kid - not just across the country, but across the world. By the time you turned 10 you were pretty sure you had lived in more countries than most people would visit in their entire life. But that was normal for you. Your family had to move around a lot thanks to their job, and even though it was tough growing up every time you had to move to a new place… you understood why it had to be that way. 

Pretty much as soon as you arrived, you found your eyes drawn to the extra bikes parked outside of the house. One is your mom’s, of course, and there are two more that have you breaking into a grin as you dismount your own bike and walk to the front door with a skip in your step. Twirling your keyring around your finger, you almost miss the keyhole when you go to unlock the door. Almost? Yeah, we’ll say almost. There’s no one watching to say that you definitely did.

“I’m home!” you call out, big smile on your face as you remove your shoes and walk further into your house. It doesn’t take you long before you find everyone in the kitchen.

“Grandpa 1 and 2!” The sight of your beloved grandfathers somehow only serves to heighten your excitement even though their bikes outside had already alerted you to their presence. Perhaps it’s because you haven’t seen them in so long - Grandpa 2 swung by for a few days three months ago, but Grandpa 1… you’re pretty sure you haven’t seen him in at least two years! Your family’s frequent absences bugged you as a kid, but now… well, you understand that it’s necessary. They have to save the world and stuff.

“Oh, you’re finally home!” Although you can’t see his expression, Grandpa 1’s voice is filled with warmth at the sight of you. “I was getting worried… have you grown taller?”

“I don’t think so?” Your expression turns wry when Grandpa 2 approaches and ruffles your hair with a gloved hand. He, 1, and your mom - everyone else calls him Skyrider, but to you he’s always been Mom - all laugh at the face you make. 

“What birthday do you think this is, 1?” Skyrider asks your grandpa teasingly. Grandpa 2 continues with the ribbing:

“Yes, the kid stopped growing years ago. I think your memory is starting to fail you, old man.”

“Impossible! Besides, I’m hardly a year older than you, 2!”

“Hey, I’m not a kid anymore!!” you whine. “I’m an adult with a job now!!! …oh hey: cake.”

The Riders laugh as you approach the birthday cake on the kitchen counter with intent. Skyrider blocks you from going any further.

“Ah-ah! No cake until the other Riders get here. I’m not even finished it yet…”

You groan in childish, exaggerated disappointment. But your disappointment doesn’t last long. “...who’s all coming?”

Today is your birthday: one of the few days of the year where multiple members of your family come home. It’s never all of them, of course, but it’s certainly more than you’re used to seeing. The other day of the year everyone gets together is the day some world-ending villainous plot happens, but those days are unpredictable… aside from seeming to occur on a yearly basis.

As Skyrider moves the cake to the fridge for safekeeping, he rattles off the list of Riders who have RSVP’d to your birthday: “Well, both of your other grandfathers will be here… so will Amazon and X Rider.”

Grandpa V3, Grandpa Riderman (sometimes you call him Grandpa 4), Uncle Amazon, and… your dad!! Wow!! That’s everyone except Uncle Stronger and Uncle Super-1 - the latter of which is to be expected: you haven’t seen him since you were a kid. Uncle Stronger though... well, you love him but a birthday without his pranks is typically a good one. You don’t think you’ve ever had a birthday where everyone was together at once - though you’d usually still get gifts through the mail or from a visit a few months later. Maybe one day you'll get to see everyone together again...

“And it’s not just them,” Grandpa 2 adds, “Taki is supposed to be stopping by as well.”

“TAKI’S COMING OVER??” Your excitement increases tenfold. Taki isn’t really part of your family - he’s a friend of your grandpas from way back in the day - but he still visited you as often as the rest of them. He always gave you the best gifts and told you cool stories about his life as an FBI agent. He was like a cool uncle - except he wasn’t your uncle at all. Everyone in your family was a bugman or lizardman, while Taki was human like you. He’s human, and yet he was able to help out your grandpas with fighting evil… soooo cool!! You hope you can be like him one day.

Grandpa 1 chuckles. “Why don’t we move to the other room? Let’s sit down and you can tell me everything that’s happened since I last saw you.”

“Uhh… not much, really,” you reply, though you oblige and you and Grandpa 1 walk to the living room to sit on the couch. Your mom and Grandpa 2 remain in the kitchen - presumably to finish your birthday cake. 

“Is that so? I heard you got a job.”

“Oh yeah, Pops hired me at his cafe.” ‘Pops’ is what you call another one of your grandpas’ friends - like Taki, he’s a family friend who’s been around for as long as you can remember. Your mom had been uneasy at the idea of you getting a job, but one day while he was visiting, Pops suggested you get a job at his cafe. Having a family friend nearby put your mom at ease. 

“That’s good! Working will help you grow your independence. How are you finding it?”

“It’s… good?” Well, there’s certainly never a dull day over there. You probably shouldn’t mention how much your boss tries to keep up with local monster activity - it would just make your grandpa worry about your safety there. “Oh, do you remember Mari? My friend from when I was a kid?”

“Mari… oh, she was your best friend in school, correct?”

“Yeah! She works there too - I didn’t even know until my first day!”

Your grandfather makes a sound of disbelief. “Incredible! It certainly is a small world.”

“Yeah, apparently she moved here a couple years ago. It’s so crazy…” Your family moved around so much that you had trouble keeping friends. There had been a lot of people in your life that you just considered to be lost forever - including Mari. The two of you had a lot of fun catching up. Unlike you, she stayed in the same area all throughout grade school, so she got to tell you all the details about what happened to your old classmates over the years.

“I’m glad to hear you have some friends at your job,” Grandpa says… even though you didn’t say anything about your other co-workers yet. Although you do get along with them pretty well too - you all have a lot of fun together. Pops is a cool boss too - he thinks you have what it takes to be a racing champion, but you're not sure if that's what you want to do with your life yet. Before you can discuss your work life any further, Grandpa 2 enters the room.

“Whatever happened to that one boy in your class?” he suddenly asks as he walks in. “You know, the one that 1 injured so severely that he couldn’t pick up a pencil for a month?”

Grandpa 1 looks up frantically, upset by the memory. Grandpa 2 is laughing. “Th-That was an accident! You know that!”

When you were a kid, most of your classmates liked you. Probably because everyone in your family was a legendary Kamen Rider. The Riders would even pick you up from school - EVERYONE knew about your connection to them. But there was this one kid in particular - his name was Masato - who was so mean to you. You have no idea what his problem was, but he’d always say stuff like “you’re not special just because your mom and dad are Kamen Riders!”. He would take your lunch, push you around, say hurtful things… just a total and utter bully. You were raised to be nice and never hurt others, so you let all this happen thinking that if you just kept being nice to him, he would stop. You didn’t even tell any teachers or your family about it.

But then one day you had to explain what happened, because you came home with bruises.

“You should give that bully a taste of his own medicine,” your mom suggested as you wept softly after explaining everything. “If he pushes you, then you push him back!” 

Grandpa V3 and 2 had been there at the time - back then the family was around more often - and you remember they were both amused with the idea. V3 had put a hand on your mom’s shoulder, voice laced with approval despite his words.

“Skyrider… you are a terrible role model,” he said, chuckling. “But I think you have a point. We should start teaching the kid self-defence.”

“...Ah.” As if he had just remembered something, Skyrider paused. Then he put his hands on your shoulders, looking you in the eyes and speaking in a soft voice. “Your grandpa is right. But what we’re going to teach you… you can’t use it to fight school bullies or anyone else, okay? Only fight if you’re in real danger.”

“O…Okay…” You didn’t really understand at the time - why were they teaching you how to fight if you couldn’t use it?? - but you agreed anyway. 

“Oh, and,” Grandpa 2 put a hand on your head, “don’t tell your Grandpa 1 about this. Let’s keep these lessons a secret between us for now.”

Ever since that day, your family trained you how to fight. You knew you could never be as strong as them - what with them being cyborgs and you being a human - but you could say with pride that you could break a board with your bare hands or toss some creeps over your shoulder. You’re pretty sure at this point you’ve learned at least one move from each of the Riders. After that day, they were all pretty eager to train you… but always stressed that you should seek the pacifist solution when possible. Which you have done! …when possible.

The first time you ever intentionally used violence on someone was that bully. Although your family’s words echoed in your mind, one day you just couldn’t take the verbal abuse and just… pushed him. 

“LEAVE ME ALONE!!” 

You didn’t think you had pushed very hard, but the boy had toppled to the cement in a spectacular fashion. When you saw all the scrapes and bruises and how he started crying… you instantly felt bad. His arm was bleeding, so when a teacher came over to see what was wrong, they instantly took his side. His side being: you pushed him for no reason!! For some reason, you couldn’t get the words out to explain the truth.

Grandpa 1 picked you up that day. The teacher told him what happened - or, what she believed was the real story.

“I don’t know what could have happened, the kids usually get along so well,” the teacher had said, totally oblivious to the weeks of torment you experienced. Your grandpa nodded at her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to them.”

You remember feeling so small that day. Smaller than you usually felt, your child-sized hand wrapped in 1’s silver gloves. The two of you walked silently until you reached his motorbike, where he picked you up and sat you down on the seat. 

“Tell me what happened.” Your grandpa’s voice was kind as always, but there was a hint of sternness to it, like a parent (or grandparent) trying to get answers out of their child. “Why did you push that kid?”

“He was being mean to me…”

“You know that’s not a good reason to hurt other people, right?”

“But he’s mean to me every day!” Tears spill from your eyes as you explode, frustrated by the unfairness of it all. “He pushes me and takes my stuff and never gets in trouble for it!!”

At this, Grandpa’s voice grows more understanding. “Did you tell your teacher about this?”

“...no…”

“Why not?”

“Telling on people is mean… everyone makes fun of you when you do it…”

Your grandpa is silent for a moment, processing your words before he comes to a conclusion. 

“Alright. I’ll talk to this kid and his parents. He won’t bully you anymore.”

You weren’t there for the conversation but, well… the next time you saw Masato, both of his hands were in a cast. As cyborgs, your family is ridiculously strong, and sometimes they forget their own strength… While talking to him, your grandpa must have taken his hands firmly and accidentally… smushed them a bit. Grandpa 2 and V3 laughed so hard when they heard what happened. Since then, it’s been a goofy memory that everyone likes to bring up to make fun of Grandpa 1 - much to his chagrin. You try not to do it, but… it was kind of funny. And hey, you were never bullied again after that! 

Back in the present, Grandpa 2 has joined you two on the couch, still snickering at the memory. Grandpa 1 has his hand to his forehead, embarrassed to remember his horrible mistake. Although, amused by his reaction, you spare him any further teasing and instead answer Grandpa 2’s question: whatever happened to Masato?

“Mari told me he was studying to become a lawyer,” you reply, and 2 let’s out an impressed noise. “She doesn’t talk to him anymore, but apparently he got into a really good school right after high school.”

“Oh! Good for him,” Grandpa 1 says, clearing his throat to wash away his flustered feelings of regret. “Good for him… I’m glad that boy managed to find something a little more constructive to do with his life.”

Yeah… hopefully he’s not going to shift to bullying people in court though. As a little joke, you reply with: “Maybe once he becomes a full fledged lawyer he’s going to try to sue Kamen Riders…”

“N-No!”

You and Grandpa 2 both laugh. It is now that you hear the roar of a motorcycle engine outside - actually, make that three engines. That must be… Grandpa Riderman, Uncle Amazon, and your dad! You learned how to tell apart the sounds of their bikes when you were quite young - a feat that not even some of the Riders can do themselves. With a grin, you leap from the couch and rush over to the window, peeking outside to see those very three rolling up to the house. Your eyes can’t help but fixate on the big present tied to Uncle Amazon’s bike…

Grandpa 1 gets up to join you, looking out the window as well - although less stealthily than you. “It looks like V3 is going to be late… hmph.”

Grandpa 2 chuckles. “Sorry kid, looks like you’ll have to wait a bit longer to have your cake.”

You make a face at him before hurrying to the front door to greet your relatives. A long time ago, you discovered the Kamen Riders aren’t your “real” family - that they adopted you after your parents were killed by monsters. Despite that, they always raised you as if you were their own flesh and blood. Protecting you, teaching you life skills… How different would you have turned out if you hadn’t been raised by nine superheroes? Maybe your situation isn’t considered “normal”, but still…

…you love your family. Today is your birthday, and you wouldn’t rather spend it any other way, with anyone else.

Chapter Text

Trapped. Can’t move your arms or legs. Above you stand masked figures, though you can’t make out the details with the bright light behind them. Their hands, armed with medical weapons, slowly close in on you. No matter how you struggle, you can’t break free--

You awaken with a jolt, heart pounding as you look across your room, absorbing the familiar landscape. That nightmare again… You used to have it a lot as a kid, but the frequency dwindled as you got older. Unfortunately, age doesn’t make it any less terrifying. With a deep exhale, you sit up in your bed and take a look at your phone for the time. Ah… it’s an hour earlier than when you normally wake up for work. Only… you don’t even work today! You’re awake at this unholy hour for no reason. Awful. If your heart wasn’t pounding in your chest right now, you’d simply go back to sleep, but your usual nightmare has made your mind want to stay awake. If you don’t, you’re sure to have it again. So you get up.

Your sleepy-yet-alert body takes you downstairs to the kitchen, flicking on lights as you go. The house is quiet, and not just because of the hour. This month your mom has gone to South America in pursuit of one of the generals of SOULLESS - the hot new evil organization that’s been causing terror worldwide in the last couple years. A lot of these evil organizations have grown and fallen during your lifespan, and you’re sure the Kamen Riders can handle these guys as easily as all the rest. Still, in order for them to “handle it” they have to travel for long periods of time… 

…but as much as you miss them, they make sure you’re never lonely. Even after you became an adult, the Riders are adamant on making sure you’re never home alone for more than a couple days. This time, Uncle Amazon has been staying with you! You’ve always loved Uncle Amazon - he’s a lot of fun! He’s one of the kindest people you’ve ever met, and he’s taught you so many wildlife survival tricks - like homemade antidotes for poison among other things. 

As you’re about to pour yourself a bowl of cereal, the front door opens and Uncle Amazon walks into the kitchen with a paper grocery bag in his arms. He freezes at the sight of you.

“You… awake already?” he asks, voice gruff as if he’s not used to this language yet. You heard that your uncle grew up in the Amazon, never exposed to human society until he was a young man. Pops told you that he impressively managed to become completely fluent in Japanese in the span of a mere six months, which was when he returned home to the Amazon and… well, the next time everyone saw him a year later, he had almost entirely reverted back to the behaviour and speech patterns of a feral little wild man. He must prefer living that way. He’s so valid.

“Yeah, I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep,” you reply, neglecting to reveal the part about the nightmare. Uncle Amazon has tried to help you with nightmares before. There’s this weird drink he makes out of herbs that he claims helps keep them away. It… tastes bad. And you think it actually makes the nightmares worse. Best to avoid it if you can, really.

Amazon grunts in acknowledgement, then looks down at the cereal you are about to pour and puts down the paper bag right beside it. “Not good enough. Baby need eat more. Amazon make good food.”

You make a face at him referring to you as a baby - he’s always done that, but like with the other Riders calling you “kid” and “kiddo” you’ve learned to deal with it - and put away the cereal and the milk. When you turn back to face him, you see your uncle placing a frying pan on the oven and turning the burner on. Uncle Amazon returns to the paper bag on the table and pulls out a carton of eggs, taking out three eggs and putting them in the frying pan.

He doesn’t… he uh, doesn’t break the eggs or anything. Just places them in the frying pan.

“...Uncle?” After watching him stare at the eggs in the frying pan for about ten seconds, you feel like you have to step in. “Are we… What kind of eggs are we having? Hardboiled? Soft? Sunnyside?”

“Eggs,” he replies simply, nodding in satisfaction. He turns to look at you. “Eggs good.”

It’s always a toss-up which pieces of technology Uncle Amazon understands. He’s very learned for someone who grew up outside of human society, but… there’s always something that catches you off-guard whenever he visits.

“Um…” You try to think of the most polite way to correct him. “I think… I think usually you’re supposed to break the egg, or put it in boiling water…?”

“This way is good,” Uncle Amazon says confidently, firmly turning down your suggestions. Before you can push the matter further, he changes the subject: “You see old man Tachibana today?”

“What? No, I’m not working today…”

“Going out with friend?”

“I didn’t have any plans to…” Your eyes are still fixated on the whole eggs resting in the frying pan. All you can think about is what could be happening inside. 

“Hmm… not going anywhere…” Your uncle nods. “Okay. Amazon stay home too. Amazon make more food for the baby later.”

Oh no. Are you going to get food poisoning today because your uncle can’t properly cook food? “You don’t have to do that! I can make my own food.”

To your dismay, Uncle Amazon shakes his head disapprovingly. “No. Baby bad at eating good food. Just eat chips all day. Amazon make sure you eat good food.”

Aaah, he’s noticed your bad eating habits… You thought that maybe he had been out fighting baddies enough that he wasn’t paying attention to stuff like that, but apparently not. This is very unfortunate! What should you do?

You don’t have time to think about it right now, because everything is interrupted by the sound of glass breaking. Both you and Uncle Amazon frantically turn towards the direction of the sound and in moments, a stranger rushes in the doorway!

It’s… one of SOULLESS’ monsters!!!

“Amazon Rider!” The purple humanoid stingray-like monster points at your uncle, and Uncle Amazon instinctively holds out an arm to shield you. “Bet you didn’t expect to see me again, did you?!”

“Perseverance Stingray Man!” You can hear the anger in your uncle’s voice. “You still alive?!”

The stingray monster chuckles. “That I am. Now you see why I’m called Perseverance Stingray Man… you can’t take me down that easily! This time you’ll meet your end - along with the kid you and the other Riders have been raising!”

Uncle Amazon roars and leaps onto the kitchen table, crouched in a fighting stance and ready to pounce at any moment. He spares you a look before the battle.

“Go! Hide in secret room until safe!”

“Oh no you don’t! Get them!” Perseverance Stingray Man brings a tentacle to his chest before flicking it out. Pulling out fragments of the human soul within his cyborg body, he flings them to the other side of the room and three faceless violet goons form from the light. All three of them get into battle stances, focused on you.

“Don’t worry about me, uncle!” you assure him, readying yourself for a fight. This is not your first rodeo - you’ve had to fight off the Riders’ enemies plenty of times before. “I can take care of these three if you take the monster!”

As one of the Riders who trained you, Uncle Amazon knows your strength. He nods and without further comment, lets out a battle cry as he leaps onto Perseverance Stingray Man, clinging onto him as he bites him and punches him repeatedly in the head. The two of them tumble out of the kitchen, leaving you with the three faceless grunts. 

Grunt 1 rushes at you with a punch, which you avoid with a backstep. Grunt 2 hangs back while Grunt 3 leaps over the table to your other side, trying to close off your escape routes. You still have the kitchen’s second exit behind you though - which you back into the doorway of. Grunt 1 lunges again, but this time you grab their arm and punch them square in the gut. They keel over from the force, and you use this moment to shove them away. You aren’t given a moment to rest though - before Grunt 1 hits the ground, Grunt 2 mimic’s their predecessor’s lunge grabbing you by the arm. You instantly grab them as well, flipping them over your shoulder with a powerful shout. Reading Grunt 3’s attack, you blindly kick out your leg behind you and hit them square in the chest. All three grunts are now on the floor, but the first one is halfway back to their feet.

Purple… they’re not the worst colour to fight. But ugh they always take the longest and it sucksss!

You roundhouse kick Grunt 1 back to the ground so you can leap over him and grab the broom. You immediately turn around and bring down the hard end of the broom on Grunt 1 a couple times before Grunt 2 grabs it, initiating a tug-of-war as you try to wrench it away from them. Grunt 3 approaches, clearly trying to jump you while you’ve got your hands full. You let go of the broom with one hand to try and defend yourself, but Grunt 3’s punch socks you right in the upper arm, then the shoulder, and you have to completely let go to block the next one from hitting your face. Grunt 1 comes out of nowhere and grabs you by one arm, while Grunt 3 grabs you by the other. Grunt 2 has the broom. 

The hands holding you are thrumming with soul energy - warm and pulsating like a heartbeat. This violet soul used to belong to someone - someone you probably don’t know and never will know. If SOULLESS captured you, you’re sure they’d use your soul to make a cyborg as well.

Good thing you’re not going to let that happen!

When Grunt 2 brings down the broom at you, you use the grunts holding you as leverage to do a leaping kick, snapping the end of the broom clean off. You’ve been in tighter situations than this, and regardless you’d NEVER let yourself be beaten by measly grunts!! You weren’t trained by nine legendary Kamen Riders just for you to lose to the lowest of the low! Tearing your arm from the grip of Grunt 3, you punch Grunt 1 square in the face again and again until you have your other arm back, then knock them away when the heel of your palm connects with their chest. Grunt 2 smacks you with the remaining half of the broom which causes you to falter, but you manage to grab it when they go to swing again. You use the broom to pull them closer and deliver a series of punches before kneeing them in the stomach. When the plastic broom shattered, the handle ended up with a sharp tip, so without hesitation you stab it through Grunt 2’s stomach. Even though it’s only plastic, SOULLESS’ goons are just beings of pure energy - there’s no bone or muscle in there - so pretty much anything with a sharp tip can slice through them like butter. Grunt 2 falls to the ground, already crumbling.

Giving you no time to rest, Grunt 3 grabs you by the shoulders and heaves you across the way, slamming your entire body into the fridge. You expertly throw their hands off you and do a kick! Instinctively you reach for a weapon and grab the frying pan on the stove, slamming it into your opponent’s head without a second thought. Soul dust flakes off of them - a sign that this grunt is on their last legs - so you hit them again. With the last of their strength, Grunt 3 somehow manages to grab the frying pan, unflinching to the heat. Before they can do anything though, you kick them in the waist and then get them with the pan on the upwards smash. The chin explodes in purple dust that dulls to grey, the rest of the body following suit to become a pile on the floor. 

Grunt 1 is still alive, stepping through the dust of their comrades to approach you.

“......Wait I just realized this was the pan with the eggs in it,” you say aloud, staring aghast at the frying pan in your hands. As if to answer the question you were about to ask, egg yolk drips down from the ceiling and lands on Grunt 1’s head. Despite being a mindless soldier, this catches them off guard, and they look up to see what just hit them.

Without wasting another second, you take this moment to finish off the last goon with a powerful smack! to the head, making them crumble into dust like the others.

You exhale, relieved and proud of yourself, and go to hold the frying pan over your shoulder like it’s a cool sword and you’re an anime protagonist and OW oh god you forgot it’s still hot. The frying pan clatters onto the floor thanks to you throwing it after it literally burned you. 

…Well, this isn’t the worst your home has been after a surprise villain attack. Another broken broom, some things fell off the top of the fridge, and there are three eggs broken… somewhere. One is on the ceiling and another is splattered on the table, and assumedly the third will be a surprise to find later. Oh, and there’s soul dust all over the floor. Well, it may as well be just regular dust now. That’s fine. Wait, the broom is broken. You guess you’ll have to vacuum it? Ah well. Again, could have been worse.

Since Uncle Amazon isn’t back to check on you yet, you’re pretty sure he’s still fighting Perseverance Stingray Man. There’s always a chance he’s not the only monster lurking around your home, so it would be safest for you to go to the secret room now. You think you’re a pretty good fighter, but the monsters are a different story from the grunts! You’re not superhuman like the Riders are - you’d be no match for them! 

…But like… you should probably clean the kitchen first. You gotta clean up those eggs before they start going bad. And-- oh geez, the oven is still on! Good thing you remembered to turn that off. Man, you’re hungry…

…Oh! What if you cooked breakfast? Then your uncle will have something to eat once he’s done fighting! And you know how to cook eggs, so you won’t get food poisoning from strangely baked eggs! This is a fantastic plan. Aw yeah. Time for the Egg Master, baby!! Egg time, egg time! Time to get up and... make 'n bake time! Woohoo! Hahaha, yeah...!

An hour later, you’ve finished cleaning the kitchen and are almost done cooking. You hear a faint explosion outside and a few minutes later, Uncle Amazon rushes into the kitchen.

“Ah! Baby still here…” He looks around, noticing that the grunts are nowhere to be seen. “Amazon defeat bad monster. Everything safe here?”

“Yup! I took care of it, no problem.” You give your uncle a cheeky grin and he nods approvingly, having always believed you could handle yourself. He enters the room further, looking at the stove curiously.

“What this?”

“Oh, uhhh… your eggs were lost in the fight, so I started over and made a victory feast for the both of us!” You still have not found the third egg that got launched in the fight. Hopefully you’ll find it before it starts rotting. 

Uncle Amazon stares at the feast you’ve prepared - you’ve not only prepared several styles of eggs, but also threw in some pancakes and bacon. Oh, and you washed some fruit! It’s a breakfast of champions! …And perhaps the healthiest you’ve eaten all week.

Your uncle can’t hide the disbelief from his voice. “...You cook all this?”

“Yeah! I do know how to cook, after all.” You kind of have to learn these things when your family is always out fighting bad guys.

He looks between you and the food a few times before saying - in a somewhat sarcastic tone: “Wow. This is miracle. Amazon proud.”

“Ummm! I mean if you’re going to be rude, you can cook your own eggs and I can have all this other food myself.”

“Not if Amazon eat it all first!” Without missing a beat, your uncle grabs some fruit off the table and the finished pancakes and starts eating it all ravenously. No forks or anything, just with his gloved hands. Fruit juices dribble everywhere - it’s like watching a feral animal eat for the first time in days.

The two of you have a lovely breakfast.