Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Good morning. However, "screw the morning" was the first thing that came to Sunny's mind. The worst thing that could ever happen to a hikikomori, even if he was a retired one, would be letting the sunlight even graze his fragile, perfectly fine, pale skin. For some darned reason, his curtains were opened, allowing the stupid orange ball in the sky to spew its flames toward the small boy. DAMMIT, MOM! Why'd you gotta backstab him like that? He begrudgingly crawls to the window and pulls back the curtains. Thank GOD for curtains. Once the sun was successfully repressed, he hops back into the bed. After the defeat of Omori, he got kicked out of his own dreams by the 5% more gobliny goblin, so he couldn't just laze about in bed to escape boredom. His friends also told him not to oversleep. Weak, imagine sleeping only 8 hours a day. Couldn't be Sunny. Bored.

Bored bored bored.

Omori, summoned by Sunny thinking about him earlier, suddenly pipes up from the tunnels of his temples. "Just use your phone, dumbdumb." Rude. AND RIGHT! But still rude.

Sunny grabbed the phone from the desk and quickly scurried back to bed like the gremlin he was. After tucking himself in stacks upon stacks of blankets, he turns on the air conditioning. Don't judge him. The cool breeze of the air doesn't make him feel cold when the soft blankets balance out the heat. He can see you judging. Anyway, he quickly uses his password "kel is the best" to open it up. He got this phone recently from Kel (surprisingly due to his lack of funds) right before he moved out. Unfortunately, due to Kel lacking any mental prowess, he wasn't given a password from the burger man. On the other hand, Sunny felt slightly disappointed when he guessed the password first try. Bruh. Thinking. He needs to stop thinking and get into the entertainment already.

Beep Beep.

>>>

[Sunny <---> Kel]

Sunny: ayo the pizza here

Kel entered the Chat.

Kel: WOAH REALLY???????????

Sunny: no

Kel: :(

Sunny: stop

Kel: stop whatt

Sunny: no sad

Kel: my homie my friend my compadre my AMIGO

Kel: sad is for losers and i was simply lulling you into a false sense of security :thumbs_up:

Sunny: woah

Sunny: big words

Kel: I learned that from HECKIIN ANIME

Sunny: respect revoked

Kel: wait i thought you watched anime though??

Sunny: Prove it.

Kel: I think I saw you watching that one anime that stars these three squid tentacle women guyss

Kel: and personally I dont see the appeal since they look weird!!!

Kel: like who wants to watch an anime about squid tentacle women??

Sunny:

Sunny left the chat.

Kel: wait NO BRO DONT LEAVE ME THE CONVERSATION JUST STARTED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kel: I NEED TO KNOW IF CAPTAIN SPACEBOY: TRILOGY OF THE STARS IS CONSIDERED ANIME

<<<

Frick. He knew about the tentacle girl anime Sunny was watching. How? That was before... the accident and all of that... he even hid it from Mari for goodness sake. He swears that Kel is more observant than everyone else, but it's easy to let your guard down due to his dumb exterior. Well, he can easily manipulate it like the useless floating piece of garbage he thinks he is. If he quickly cancels the conversation, Kel should forget in no time. He scrolls through his contacts... oh. Yeah. He has more friends than just Kel.

Fun.

>>>

[Sunny <---> Aubrey]

Sunny: auber

Aubrey entered the chat.

Aubrey: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!

Aubrey: oh you aren't Kel

Aubrey: Woops. Ignore that then. Sorry Sunny

Sunny: :thumbs_up:

Aubrey: What do you want?

Sunny: am bored

Aubrey: Then stop being bored. Easy.

Sunny: no

Sunny: not easy

Aubrey: Easy for me anyway. Cant get a single blink of relaxation with the hooligans running amuk.

Sunny: Then stop letting them run amuk

Sunny: easy

Aubrey: Sometimes it's hard to remember that you can be as annoying as Kel sometimes.

Sunny: baby

Aubrey: ...

Sunny: stinky pink hair baby

Aubrey: If you think that insulting me with pitiful levels of insults would free your boredom, you would be damn wrong.

Sunny: your bunny is very cookable

Aubrey: NOW LISTEN HERE YOU DUMBASS, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU FROM MY FISTS AND YOUR FACE IS THE SEVERE DISTANCE YOUR LANKY ASS IS AWAY FROM THIS GOD FORBIDDEN NEIGHBORHOOD, AND IF I COULD, I WOULD BASH YOUR FACE IN THE WALL USING A PIECE OF TREE THAT I WOULD HAVE RIPPED FROM THE GROUND FROM THE SHEER PISSERY YOU GIVE OFF

Aubrey: BECAUSE I SWEAR TO

Sunny left the chat.

Aubrey: wimp

Sunny entered the chat.

Sunny: gay

Sunny left the chat.

Aubrey: YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED

<<<

Well that was fun.

But that was over just as fast as it started. Sunny was bored again. Super bored.

Hmmmm. Surely the plant boy has something funny to say. Oh. He left 500 messages in his DMs. Yeah. He's not going to read all that.

>>>

[Sunny <---> Basil]

Basil: And then you add in the fertilizer, but make sure you add the proper ingredients for the plant!!

Sunny: hi

Basil: Hi Sunny!! Did you ready all the information I gave you? :DD

Sunny: no

Basil: Will you read all of it????

Sunny: 

Sunny: maybe

Basil: Thank you!!

Basil: How has your day been, Sunny?

Sunny: just started

Basil: Haha,. mine too! Well, my day has been surprisingly good so far!!

Basil: The weather is not as cold, and it isn't even snowing, despite it being winter!

Basil: it still hurts the plants though :(

Basil: But it isn't that bad!!

Sunny: the lack of snow is a result of global warming

Sunny: we will all die

Sunny: the end is inevitable

Basil: 

Basil: well,.,, that's' true, but..

Basil: ...

Basil: Look on the bright side! BlackN'White Bug Knight: Tethertune will come out eventually! ^0^

Sunny: dont you mean Hollow Knight Silksong

Sunny: thats never going to happen basil

Basil: A BOY CAN DREAM!!!!!! >:(((

Basil: so what do you wanna talk about??

Sunny: im bored

Sunny: entertainment

Sunny: you

Basil: hmm...

Basil: It must be tough living so far away from us.,. I miss youuuuuuu...

Sunny: clingy

Basil: True!!!

Basil: What's it like over there??

Sunny: loud

Sunny: very

Basil: Loud??

Basil: I know!! We could play the game we used to do all the time when we were kids!!!!

Sunny: we are still kids

Basil: No?? We are 16, Sunny!!

Sunny: lie

Sunny: im bapy

Basil: Well...,., you ARE bapy..

Basil: But you are also 16!

Sunny: bapy

Basil: Well,, I know I can't change your mind..

Basil: Back to the game!! Remember Hearseeking??

Sunny: mari came up with the name

Basil: yeah..

Sunny: fun game

Basil: So basically, you gotta give five things you can hear! I'm pretty sure she also used this for our panic attacks,., thoughh

Sunny: still fun

Sunny: Car

Sunny: air conditioning

Sunny: the black and white gremlin that tried to kill me within my mind but i beat him up with a violin using brainpower

Sunny: the sound of me crunching cheez its

Sunny: 24 hour lofi ep i left on throughout the night

Basil: umm..., what IS that third one??

Sunny: traumaboy

Basil: What??

Sunny: piano

Basil: Pianos aren't boys??????

Sunny: i said too much

Sunny: he will kill me in my sleep

Basil: Oh no!!!!111 :(((

Sunny: He says he will steal all my snacks

Sunny: worse ending

Basil: Can't you just beat him up with,,, like the violin brainpower thing??

Sunny: you

Sunny: fricking genius

Basil: ?!

Basil: weirdd

Basil: I just got a notification that I was added to a group chat!!

Sunny: me too

Basil: Let's go check it out!!

<<<

Huh. Well. Omori is still demanding a Taco Supreme from Taco Bell in his mind. No. No taco.

Welp, off to see what that notification was.

>>>

[<(Unnamed Group)>]

Kel entered the chat .

Kel: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aubrey entered the chat.

Aubrey: SHUT UP KEL! I THOUGHT I GOT A NOTIFICATION FOR A GROUP CHAT AND WAS FREE FROM BEING SPAMMED BY YOUR ASS

Kel: aub

Kel: aub

Kel: aub

Aubrey: SHUT THE FU

Sunny entered the chat.

Basil entered the chat.

Sunny: hi

Basil: Hello aubrey!! and kel!!

Aubrey: wassup plant kid

Kel: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sunny: yoooo

Kel: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aubrey: SHUT UP!

Kel: MAKE ME

Aubrey: Blocked.

Kel: WHAT

Kel: WHAT THE HELL AUBREY

Kel: HEY

Kel: HEY

Aubrey: All I see are blocked messages, can't see em loser

Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY WEKNOIIIISSSSSSSSS

Hero entered the chat.

Hero: Hello, guys!

Kel: HI BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aubrey: Sup, mama's boy

Hero: Hey, I respect both my parents and they respect me equally.

Aubrey: simp

Hero: What's a simp, Aubrey?

Kel: A SUPER IMPORTANT MARSHALL PERSON

Hero: Ah. Thank you, Kel.

Aubrey: kel what the frick did you tell him

Sunny: i thought hero added us to the group chat

Basil: Yeah,, don't you usually make these hosted talks??

Hero: I don't even know how to, though.

Kel: boomer L L L COPE SEETHE

Aubrey: Kel was here the earliest. He invited us, probably.

Kel: Lol no :thumbs_down:

Basil: Aubrey's right..., you WERE the earliest Kel!!

Kel: But it wasn't me though, I swear on my orange joe takis

Aubrey: I UNBLOCK YOU FOR A SECOND AND I SEE THOSE LAST THREE WORDS WHAT THE HELL

Kel: crunchy and energizing, aubaubaub

Aubrey: KJHGJFHIUEKJHFKJEHFIUEHIE DIRTBAG

Hero: Kel, you can cut it out.

Kel: aw not wholesome 100 -5 karma social credit :((((

Aubrey: THANK YOU HERO

Hero: This situation is odd. Who invited us?

Sunny: kel prank

Kel: I SWEAR, IT'S NOT A PRANKKKKKKKKKK THAT WOULD BE UNFUNNY

Basil: Are you sure, Kel??

Kel: YEAH!!!

Sunny: then who

Aubrey: Maybe a bug in the system since phones are stupid and weird.

Hero: Why would it be all of us specifically, though?

Mari: Good question, king of the cook! >w>

Aubrey: WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE SH-TAKEMUSHROOMS

Kel: Hi mari!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunny: WHAT

Basil: WHAT??!?!>?>$?>?#$#*($&(*#&(*&(*&(*$*

Hero: ...

Hero: This isn't funny.

Mari: Those reactions certainly were, though!

Hero: Why do you have the AUDACITY to imitate her? She's dead.

Aubrey: That's f-cked up. Seriously f-cked up.

Sunny: ...

Basil: ...................................................,.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.

Kel: They're right, dude. There's no way you are Mari. That's seriously messed up.

Aubrey: KEL USING GRAMMAR?!?!??!!?

Kel: NOWS NOT THE TIME AUBRO:b:

Mari: You two are still wacky as always, aren't you?

Hero: Stop it.

Mari: Alright Hero, I promise, please give me a second to explain.

Hero: Whoever you are, imitating Mari, you are scum of the earth. She's long dead. You can't

Hero: You can't just imitate her.

Mari: Hero-

Hero has completely left the Group Chat.

Kel: Yeah thats uncalled for man

Kel: you hurt my brother too!

Kel: I need to go check up on him

Kel left the chat.

Aubrey: Just WHO do you think you are?

Mari: Aubrey, please. Let me explain.

Aubrey: This has to be a joke.

Sunny: ...

Basil: .,,,,,,.............

Mari: Don't you remember when we always joked about the boys being a bit less intellectual, while you always talked to me about Kel or some other boys picking on you?

Aubrey: Stop it, please...

Mari: Remember when you said you had a crush on Kel once

Sunny: WHAT

Basil: ??@?$?#$?#?#@ LIES!(*U#(*@*(@(#@?#

Aubrey: HODLY FRICKING CHRISTMAS MAN WHAT THE HELLL

Aubrey: WHAT???

Aubrey: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT??

Mari: Well, you have to believe me... I'm sorry for being gone for so long, but it really is me.

Aubrey: ...

Aubrey: no. It literally CANNOT be you. Mari's dead.

Mari: That's correct, but...

Mari: I managed to find some ways. Tampered with a few systems of the afterlife, it was certainly fun!

Mari: And now I'm here!

Sunny: proof

Mari: You want proof, little brother?

Sunny: yes

Sunny: faker

Mari: Remember when you stole Basil's precious first sunflower as a prank but lost it?

Aubrey: BAHAHAH WHAT?!?!

Basil: YOU DID WHAT!?!!??!?!?$%>?@#$>?#??#$>#?>$#>?

Sunny: You could have used

Sunny: anything but that

Mari: Well, do you believe me now, brother?

Sunny: .............

Sunny: maybe

Mari: I missed you.

Mari: Remember, you too Basil, it wasn't your fault. I forgive both of you.

Basil: jj.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..

Sunny: ...

Aubrey: ..Is it really you?

Mari: heyheyhey.

Kel entered the chat.

Mari: So are any of you dating anyone yet?

Mari sent SmugSelfie.png

Kel: IT REALLY IS MARI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO +500000000 SOCIAL CREDIT REDDIT GOLD RETREET REBLOGGED 

Aubrey: WELL THAT CONFIRMS IT!

Basil: Did you age in the afterlife???

Mari: I have my tricks~

Sunny: big sis

Mari: Yes?

Sunny: question

Mari: Go ahead, little brother!

Sunny: how do i beat up omori

Mari: My piano?

Sunny: yes

Mari: A chainsaw! I thought you knew these kinds of things, Sunny! Expand your miiiind.

Sunny: I love you

Sunny has left the chat.

[Continuing on for the story's sake!]

Mari: I love you too, lil bro.

Aubrey: HE ALREADY HAS A KNIFE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Mari: You have yet to answer my question, young lady!

Aubrey: Yes, Mari??

Mari: Any lucky soul that you cooped up with? You were always one to attract boys~

Aubrey: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you

Basil: I can agree, you are very pretty!!

Aubrey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE WHOLESOME I HATE ALL OF YOU WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Kel: Mari i have many questions

Mari: Shoot!

Kel: I fed one of your cookies to Hector a long time ago

Kel: and I only realized now that chocolate kills dogs

Aubrey: JUST NOW?!??!?!?!

Kel: so if 2 + 2 = 5

Kel: is a chicken attached to a pistol considered a cock gun?

Mari: Yes, yes it does, Kel!

Basil: but how is Hector still alive??//!?///

Kel: hector the rock johnson

Aubrey: Mari, I love you as an older sister, and thank you for coming back, but what has this conversation derailed to?

Mari: Aubrey.

Mari: You STILL didn't answer my question!

Aubrey: nobody its no one stop stop asking no

Mari: Are you sure???

Aubrey: nonono no non  nope

Mari: Not even a crush?

Aubrey: kjdkjwjkwdkjhjhjjjhjjjjjj

Mari: Aw, you're no fun.

Sunny entered the chat.

Kel: so are we like going to get Hero or

Sunny: I got

Sunny: chainsaw

Kel: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Basil: What/?!?!?//

Sunny: dad kept several chainsaws

Mari: Yeah, he always had them for some reason.

Sunny: didnt take them when parents divorce

Mari: THEY WHAT

Sunny: gonna go slice through a piano real quick

Aubrey: HELL YEAH! GO SUNNY!

Kel: I WANNA WATCH, BRB GONNA FLY STRAIGHT TO YOUR LOCATION

Basil: YOU CANT FLY?!?!??????

Mari: HOLD ON WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DIVORCE-

Chapter Text

Sunny rolled over in his bed and started thinking to himself. Alright, so his dead sister is straight-up BACK FROM THE AFTERLIFE but chained to the digital world. And by that, he means a chat group. Or maybe it's more than that? Whatever, too much thinking, still extremely bored. The sun moved over a tad bit from the time that passed, once again piercing through the curtains. DAMMIT. WHY NOW? Begrudgingly, he stumbles off the bed and walks toward the curtains. Stupid little curtains. Can't do their job. After quickly forcing them to cover the entirety of the window, he rolls back to his bed, because going downstairs requires him to go downstairs. Logic.

He boots up his phone once more.

>>>

[<(Unnamed Group)>]

Mari: SUNNY!

Mari: SUNNY!

Mari: SUNNY!

Mari: SUNNY!

Mari: SUNNY!

Mari: SUNNY!

Aubrey: Eh?

Kel: What do ya need Mari

Sunny: o

Mari: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY DIVORCE?!?

Sunny: Dad went byebye

Mari: WHY?!?!?!?!

Sunny: Someone decided to grab the pizza

Mari: What's that supposed to mean, Sunny?!

Kel: AYO

Sunny: the

Kel: PIZZA

Sunny: here

Aubrey: What?

Mari: ...

Mari: Seems I'm missing out on the new trends as well, I suppose?

Sunny: boomer

Kel: LMAO YES BOOMER

Mari: Aubrey.

Aubrey: Yes ma'am

Mari: What's a boomer?

Kel: DONT DO IT AUBREY SHES GONNA KILL YOU

Sunny: shush

Mari: Is it a new swear?

Mari: If it's a new swear, I'm grounding both of you.

Kel: IM 166666666666666!!!! YOU CANT DO THAT

Sunny: kel is a boomer confirmed

Aubrey: Hes right, being 16666666666666666666 or whatever that number is does qualify you as OLD.

Aubrey: Well, not a boomer though

Mari: Seriously guys, what's a boomer?

Kel: dont do it

Sunny: no

Aubrey: Alright, Mari. So basically, a boomer is someone old and born in the previous generation.

Mari:

Mari:

Mari:

Mari: You two are grounded.

Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Kel: ITS ONE LINE OF TEXT

Sunny: no

Mari: What do you mean no, Sunny?

Sunny: you are

Mari: Excuse me, mister, WHAT?

Sunny: im 16

Sunny: your 15

Mari: uh

Aubrey: He's got you there

Kel: WOAH YEAH SUNNY YOURE RIGHT

Kel: YOU SAVED US

Kel: HIGH FIVE

Kel: (/0W0)/

Aubrey: NO

Sunny: \(o-o\)

Mari: Well I'm OLDER than you, little brother!

Sunny: you cant age in the afterlife younger sister

Sunny: okay nvm

Sunny: that sounds wrong

Sunny: ill take my grounded and go

Mari: That's right! :DDD

Kel: SUNNY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Kel: IS THAT YOUR AUTOMATED RESPONSE

Aubrey: YOU'RE AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE!

Mari: Settle down, settle down!

Mari: I wish Hero was here...

Kel: GOOD IDEA!!!

Hero was added to the Group Chat by Kel.

Hero: Hey guys!

Mari: HI HERO!!!!

Hero left the Group Chat completely.

Mari: Damn, he's a lot less submissive than I remembered!

Basil: what did I just come back to??!??///?!?

Kel: MARI NO DISGUSTING OIEHFOIEHFOIEHEIOFHOEIFHIOHSOIHCIHEBIEBIBEIUFUIFE

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Aubrey: BOTH OF YOU

Basil: Me???

Aubrey: No not you youre cool

Basil: :D

Mari: Me?

Aubrey: Mari, that was cursed and you know it.

Sunny: brb on my way to find the nearest jumprope

Sunny: mari im joining you

Mari: NO! NOT ENOUGH SPACE ON THIS TREE!

Basil: jjjjjjjjj,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,......,,,,,,

Aubrey: Look at what you've done to my boy!

Aubrey: shsh basil youre safe dont worry

Basil: thank you,,,.,

Mari: Whoops, too early for that?

Sunny: yikers

Kel: you know what its not TOO EARLY FOR?!?!?!

Aubrey: oh GOD CAN I HAVE PEACE FOR TWO MINUTES

Kel: HERO HERO HERO

Hero was added to the Group Chat by Kel.

Kel: mari said you are submissive and breedable

Mari: Speaking of breedable, how handsome have you become while I was gone? :))))))

Aubrey: SOMEONE GET THE HOLY WATER

Sunny: approval

Basil: Can I take photos?

Aubrey: quick flood the chat before anyone can ask him what photos i cant take it anymore

Hero: I hate how well you imitate her.

Hero: STOP IT.

Hero: Also, Kel, invite me again and you lose all Orange Joe for a week.

Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Hero: Mari Imposter, stop it.

Kel: LIKE IN AMONG

Aubrey: stop

Basil: stop

Sunny: among us

Mari: What's among us?

Aubrey: mari you poor poor soul.

Mari: The only thing among me and Hero is his giant-

<<<

Sunny was not going to read past that. Shielding his eyes, he quickly points a finger above the text on the phone, carefully moving it at the exact time to block it as soon as a message was sent. Omori stares from the sidelines. "Coward. Just when it was getting good." YOU'RE TWELVE! "I'm mentally as aged as you." AND DOES A CHILD PRODIGY COUNT AS AN 18 YEAR O- never mind. I'm not having this conversation. "COWAAAAAAAAAAARD"

>>>

[<(Unnamed Group)>]

Hero left the Group Chat completely.

Kel: remember his threat?!?!?!

Hero was added by Kel to the Group Chat.

Hero: That's it.

Hero left the chat.

Kel: oh shi

Aubrey: GET HIS ASS LMAO

Mari: Ooooooooooh, Hero's taking control :)

Basil: MARI STOP PLEASE><@@><<

Sunny: four years of pent up madness in the afterlife

Sunny: does a number on anyone

Mari: ^^^^ especially me!

Kel: GUYS

Kel: TELL CRIS THAT I

Kel left the chat.

Aubrey: CRUSH?!?!?!??!?!?!?!???!?!?

Aubrey: BLACKMAIL BLACKMAIL

Basil: You can't blackmail someone that died,.

Sunny: Kel wanted to tell us that Cris was a torpedo.

Sunny: Nothing else.

Aubrey: Sure.

Basil: Sunny why are you using periods

Sunny: NOTHING.

Sunny: ELSE.

Mari: Woahhhh, caps!

Mari: ALSO, GO KEL!

Kel completely left the Group Chat.

Hero: Mari's completely dead.

Hero: I already accepted this fact.

Hero: why do YOU think you can just pretend that you are her?

Mari: Hero...

Sunny: grabs popcorn

Basil: shush let them make up

Mari: and make out

Hero: what

Mari: what

Hero: Alright really, what's going on?

Hero: How can you prove that you are the real deal?

Hero: She's dead. You could never just

Hero: take her place. That's not how it works.

Mari: Well, remember how we met?

Mari: The little golden child needed some help on his homework and struggled a bit too much on his pre-algebra.

Mari: So I came in, swooped to the rescue!

Hero: ...

Mari: And remember our first kiss? Right at the lake. Before Kel even found it!

Hero: ..Is it really you?

Mari: And remember how I accidentally kicked you in the balls when trying to reach your height?

Hero: NO WAY.

Aubrey: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sunny: hypocrite

Aubrey: WDYM HYPOCRITE

Sunny: kel would say shut up right now

Aubrey: simp

Sunny: homie

Aubrey: gay

Basil: WOAH???>/

Hero: Settle down! The adults are speaking!

Mari: See, Sunny? Even Hero considers me as 19!

Hero: Wait, do you age in the afterlife orrrr...

Mari: shhhh let's just say it works that way :)

Aubrey: GET A ROOM.

Hero: Wow.

Hero: I can't believe it.

Hero: I'm gonna need a second to think about this.

Mari: The only seconds I want are the ones with you, cooking daddy~

Sunny: mari scooch over please theres enough space on the branch for me

Basil: PLEASE>>>@

Aubrey: PLEASE WHAT? PLEASE WHAT, BASIL?

Aubrey: SPEAK YOUR MIND, RISE UP PLANT BOY!

Hero: Mari, uhh, I can't really explain how much I missed you.

Mari: Henry, if you missed me so much...

Mari: why don't we take it to the dms, handsome~

Aubrey: Sunny.

Aubrey: Step aside.

Aubrey: That branch spots mine.

Sunny: no

Sunny: dibs

Mari left the chat.

Hero left the chat.

Basil: I really want to see those dms, actually!

Aubrey: creep

Basil: >:(

Aubrey: YEAH FIGHT BACK

Basil: you..

Basil: you...

Basil: are uncool.....///?

Aubrey: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Sunny: proud

Aubrey: pride

Sunny: what

Aubrey: gay

Kel was added by Basil to the Group Chat.

Kel: WHOS GAY?!

Sunny: no one

Kel was kicked by Sunny.

Basil: Sunny

Aubrey: Sunny

Sunny: too slow

Aubrey: OH YOU WANNA BET

Kel was added by Aubrey.

Kel was kicked by Sunny.

Kel was added by Aubrey.

Kel was kicked by Sunny.

Kel was added by Aubrey.

Kel was kicked by Sunny.

Kel was added by Aubrey.

Kel was kicked by Sunny.

Kel was added by Sunny.

Kel was kicked by Aubrey.

Basil: Wait, issn tthat the wrong order

Kel was added by Sunny.

Kel was added by Aubrey.

Kel: HI KEL!

Kel(2): YO!!

Aubrey: NOPE NOT DEALING WITH THIS CRAP

Kel was kicked by Aubrey.

Kel was kicked by Aubrey.

Basil: WHAT?!?!?/??

Aubrey: what were we even battling about again?

Basil: You can just scroll up,,,.

Sunny: basil you failed me

Basil: eh?!?!?!?!?/

Aubrey: fine

Aubrey: I'll respect your boundaries.

Sunny: thank you

Kel was added by Aubrey to the Group Chat.

Kel: Good news, I convinced Hero not to steal my Orange Joe!

Aubrey: Isn't that a bad thing?

Kel: AUBAUBAUB IM GONNA AUBER YOUR AUBING AUB OFF

Aubrey: WHAT THE HELL IS AN AUB

Kel: YOU WILL LOSE YOUR IDENTITY

Basil: ...

Sunny: threaten hero?

Kel: Yeah! Can you guess how?!?!

Sunny: Hero still didnt get burger king?

Kel: everyday I breathe down his neck during night and when the clock strikes twelve I immediately mutter "burger king" in which Hero curls up into a ball and starts crying

Kel: So anyway ima go get some of that

Kel: hunky

Kel: funky

Kel: heck, even CHUNKY

Kel: mcdonald big macs

Sunny: what about burger king

Kel: shush

Aubrey: Why the hell do you even eat that kind of stuff, anyway?

Aubrey: Refined people like me and the hooligans eat at Taco Bell.

Aubrey: ...if Gino's is closed, but you get me.

Kel: OH YOU WANNA FIGHT NERD

Aubrey: YOU'RE TEN TIMES THE NERD I AM!

Kel: HOW'S THAT?!?!

Aubrey: YOU BINGE CAPTAIN SPACEBOY EVERYDAY

Kel: fair BUT

Kel:

Basil: Never thought I would see a time where Kel backs down..

Basil: gonna screenshot this :D

Kel: I'M NOT BACKING DOWN

Kel: WELL AUBERGENE

Aubrey: ill bash your head with my bat

Kel: IF YOURE SUCH A NON NERD, THEN WHY DO I SEE YOU MAKE STORIES AT 3 AM STAYING ALL NIGHT DRAWING KIM?!?!?!

Aubrey: LIAR I DO NO SUCH THING

Aubrey: KEL, DMS, LETS SEE WHO CAN PROVE THE OTHER AS THE BIGGEST NERD ON THE BLOCK

Kel: ILL DO YOU ONE BETTER! ILL PROVE YOU ARE THE BIGGEST NERD IN THE COUNTRY! BRING IT ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Basil: Don't you think this is getting a little too far?

Sunny: funny

Basil: you prove a valid argument!

Sunny: submissive

Basil: !??!?!?!?../3.32,&(#@&#&^

Sunny: aubrey is right you need to work on being stronger

Sunny: not physically

Sunny: you are buff

Sunny: very*

Basil: Tthank you??

Sunny: need learn

Sunny: stand up for yourself

Basil: I can!!

Sunny: Go feed Mewo and bring me steak

Basil: Okay!!!!

Sunny: this is what i mean

Basil: Isn't that just kindness??

Sunny: kindness

Sunny: is suck

Sunny: to stand up for yourself

Sunny: you must

Sunny: crime

Basil: crime??!???

Basil: I already committed one!!! How bad could it be?!!?

Sunny: :thumbs_up:

Basil: :thumbs_up: :star:

Sunny: superstar

Basil: ?

Sunny: nothing

Sunny: so I know a crime

Sunny: that would make you the biggest criminal in the world

Basil: OH NO...>!>.,?!?//

Sunny: if you go somewhere you arent allowed to

Sunny: loitering

Sunny: the most devious crime of all

Sunny: ESPECIALLY when you noclip...

Basil: wait,..

Basil: I have this "do not enter" sign in my backyard, right near my plants!1

Basil: SO THAT MEANS

Basil: I'M ALREADY LOITERING!@(#()@)!()?!$?!>

Basil: SUNNY PLEASE >o>

Basil: I DONT WANNA GO TO JAIL NOOOOOOOOO!!1

Basil: WHATS THE CHARGE?!??>?

Sunny: death

Basil: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

Sunny: they are at your door

Basil: NO PEOPLE ARE KNOCKING

Basil: wait

Basil: how did you know that

Sunny:

Sunny: surprise visit

Sunny: this is the cops we have your house surrounded

Basil left the chat.

Sunny left the chat.

Kel entered the chat.

Aubrey entered the chat.

Kel: I WON!!!!!

Aubrey: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET SO MUCH BLACKMAIL?!

Kel: a magician

Kel: never tells his secretsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Aubrey: Wanna see a magic trick?

Kel: Sure!

Aubrey: I'm about to make your door

Aubrey: disappear.

Kel: what?

Hero entered the chat.

Mari entered the chat.

Hero: KEL WHAT WAS THAT NOISE

Kel: I DONT KNOW

Aubrey: ITS ME AND IM TAKING KEL

Hero: What did he do this time?

Aubrey: Blackmail gonna kidnap your brother now kthxbye

Kel: WAIT NO HERO PLEASE HIDE ME

Aubrey: COME OUT KEL I JUST WANNA TALK

Kel: lmao you will never find me here

Kel: pink baby

Aubrey: I JUST HEARD A "pthhthth" SOUND EFFECT

Aubrey: ARE YOU TAUNTING ME?

Kel: lmao yes

Aubrey: I HEARD WHERE YOU ARE

Kel: FU

Hero: You set yourself up for this one, Kel.

Kel left the chat.

Mari: Have fun you two!

Mari: and if you have too much fun, don't forget to bring the proper materi

Hero: Mari, no.

Mari: Too much?

Hero: too much.

Aubrey: HI THIS IS KEL ON AUBREYS PHONE

Aubrey: I ACCIDENTALLY HIT HER WITH THE BACK OF HER BASEBALL BAT ON ACCIDENT ACCIDENTALLY

Aubrey: WHAT DO I DO

Mari: Oh no.

Hero: You're actually 80% of the reason why I'm trying to be a doctor, Kel.

Mari: WHAT?! WHAT ABOUT MY CHEF HERO?!

Kel: SPEAKING OF FOOD WHAT ABOUT MY BURGER KING

Aubrey: ALSO TALKING ON TWO PHONES IS FUNNY

Kel: IM TYPING WITH MY LEFT AND RIGHT

Aubrey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

<<<

Basil opens the door. A gentle breeze wafts past as he looks down toward Sunny. Sunny waves his hand. Chuckling, Basil curls his fingers in a gesture to welcome Sunny into the home. "How did you even get here?" Sunny stares at a corner with some nostalgia. "Backwards long jumping." Closing the door behind them, Basil hops onto the couch and decides to take a breather from gardening and texting. "You always had a weird sense of imagination."

Sunny swore he heard Omori in whitespace stabbing a plushie. "Basil insulted my existence and headspace in its entirety i shall not rest until he is brought to justice mark my words herb boy as soon as I get my hands on you ill tear you to pieces and then rebuild you so i can stab you again" Attempting to keep a straight face, Sunny looks at Basil. "Taco Bell or Burger King?"

Chapter Text

It's been a day since Mari had come to them via some funky weird stuff methods!

Kel was snoring peacefully, within the comfy comfy confines of his relaxing bed. He curls up in the comfy comfy pillows, while several pieces of bed material were strewn about the room.

Right. It's a new year! 2022. Cool. 

He feels like he's missing something...

Of course! It's Aubrey's birthday!

Right! Smart. 

Good going, Kel.

Kel slowly floats out of bed as his eyes flash yellow, the sports jersey he was wearing coasting as a sudden breeze flows through the window. Since it was Aubrey's birthday, he must be as annoying as possible. The blankets around him soar and fly around him. He feels powerful. Having achieved godhood, Kel could destroy anything and anyone who stood in his way. He glides down onto the floor once more, and laughs loudly. This power is overwhelming... he could make a DOUBLE cheeseburger now. Infinite strength. Now nobody can judge him for being "cringe" and he can finally get Sunny to-

-------------

wuuuh? Kel was jolted awake by his alarm. Somehow, through all known laws of sound, he managed to set an alarm on his boombox. Grinning, he kicks off his blankets once more and rolls out of bed. Being the unproductive and productive amalgamation of funny and burger he is, he quickly barrel rolls (while exclaiming it out loud) into the bathroom....

...

...

AND KEL WAS DONE USING THE BATHROOM! You totally needed to know he did his daily routine. It was part of his life after all, and YOU are here to listen to all of it. Kel quickly tumbles down the stairs and falls onto a Double Decker Cheese-Puff-dust-ridiculed Comfortizing Burger Salad Beanbag Chair and soaks within its warmth. Still keeping a bright smile, Kel looks both ways. His parents aren't here for the morning. INFINITE POWER. REAL, INFINITE POWER. NOT LIKE THE DREAM FROM EARLIER. Kel vibrates with immense speed. Finally. He can use his phone... BEFORE breakfast!

...wait.

Usually, Hero wakes him up for breakfast. The last time he woke up from his alarm was... LITERALLY NEVER. Kel puts a splayed hand over his chin and rubs it as if he had a beard. "Something is sus." As soon as he said that, he glances at a corner and sees a giant black blob just dissipate into thin air. Huh. Blame the lack of breakfast. Moving on, Kel slowly lets the DDC-P-D-RCBSBC absorb him as he sinks into the comforting chair once more. Food can wait (in reality, Kel is waiting for Hero to make food. Since Food can wait... is KEL FOOD?!). Entertainment is now!

Kel whips out his phone and ends this unfunny long setup.

>>>  

[Kel --> Aubrey]

Kel: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Aubrey has entered the chat.

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Aubrey: ALSO, IT ISNT MY BIRTHDAY YA DINGUS!

Kel: Ooh dingus looks like pinky got a new nickname for THE KELLL

Aubrey: Shut up

Aubrey: you sound like THE MAVERICK at this point

Kel: YOU SOUND LIKE THE MAVERICK

Kel: ALSO WHY DID YOU BOLD HIS NAME

Aubrey: First off, that makes no sense

Aubrey: Second off, I lost a bet

Aubrey: wait

Aubrey: crap

Aubrey: I wasn't supposed to say that

Kel: what bet

Kel: *GRABS YOU* *SHAKES YOUR SHOULDERS*

Kel: TELL ME

Kel: THE BURGER MAN DEMANDS INTERROGATION

Aubrey has left the chat.

Kel: YEAH RUN AWAY

Aubrey has entered the chat.

Aubrey: GO SUCK A

Aubrey: you know what

Aubrey: you aren't worth my time

Kel: that hurt :(

Aubrey: dude

Aubrey: you are a metal wall

Aubrey: it would be sad to see you get hurt by one of my by far weakest insults I have ever thrown at you

Kel: you're a gross color

Aubrey: 

Aubrey: fair

Kel: so its like

Kel: YOUR BIRTHDAY RIGHT

Aubrey: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR OWN BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY

Kel: what

Kel: no Hero's birthday is on the 1/1

Aubrey: And what year is it, mister?

Kel: 2022

Kel: Its literally 2022 that's common knowledge

Aubrey: and what day is it

Kel: January 1 2022

Kel: what are you

Kel: dumb???? :troll:

Aubrey: and what month is january

Kel: 1

Aubrey: do you even know when I was born?

Kel:

Kel: uhh

Kel: TODAY

Kel: NOW

Kel: CUZ ITS YOUR BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Aubrey: you are a dumbass

Aubrey: you are literally a dumbass

Kel: okay mrs "you are dumb" 

Kel: what was the bet you were talking about :))))))))))))

Aubrey: I will end your bloodline

Kel: that means killing Hero

Aubrey: frick no I cant do that

Aubrey: I will make your parents divorce you

Aubrey: then I will adopt you

Aubrey: then I will end your bloodline

Kel: THAT MEANS IT INCLUDES YOU THOUGH BRO

Aubrey: YOU ARENT FROM MY BLOOD

Kel: IT STILL COUNTS

Aubrey: NO WAY

Kel: GO SEARCH IT UP

Aubrey: BRO

Aubrey: THE SEARCH RESULTS ARE DUMB

Kel: THATS BECAUSE IM RIGHT

Aubrey: THATS NOT POSSIBLE

Kel: YOUR MOM

Aubrey: NO

Aubrey: YOUR MOM

Kel: cant hear you over my chair eating me alive :D

Aubrey: sounds nice

Aubrey: You deserve it dummy

Kel: it really is

Kel: wait

Kel: auber help

Kel: THE CHAIR IS SUCKING ME IN I CANT GET OUT

Kel: AUBURGERGENES PLASE HELPIOJOEWEGWEB

Aubrey: :middle_finger:

Kel: AUBREY PLEASE

Aubrey: a worthy death

Aubrey has left the chat.

Kel: DONT LEAVE ME HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

<<<

Okay.

So. Kel was completely calm.

In a situation where a calm person does, it would most likely result in them screaming for help.

Which was Kel's reason for screaming. He was being consumed by the bean bag chair! Of course, it has claimed many sources of food and has come to eventually consume him whole. He could definitely see why, since he probably drank so much Orange Joe that the bean bag chair wanted to absorb him for the delicious brew.

He was further sinking into the chair. Great. The cushions covered his face and now no one can hear him scream, his eyes being the only remaining part of his body having a view outside of the large chair.

...

He spotted Sally crawling up to him, cooing on the floor.

He knows what he must do.

"SALLY!"

Atleast that was what he was supposed to say... if he was smart.

Instead, he thought it was funny watching his baby sister crawl on the floor.

Yeaaaaaaaah.

Being eaten by a chair. Never gonna get out!

He means, he could definitely get out of there. He just doesn't want to.

He also has no idea why this section is going on for a prolonged amount of time.

Oh cool, his hands were still free.

He's gonna get his phone and text for help. Like a calm person.

Speaking of a calm person...

>>>

[Kel --> Sunny]

Kel: SUNNY SUNNY SUNNY

Kel: THE SNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUY

Kel: 

Sunny: angry

Kel: why

Sunny: woke up

Kel: Woops sorry sunster

Kel: I keep forgetting you wake up five hours ahead

Sunny: what do you need

Kel: FREE ME

Kel: MY BEANBAG CHAIR CONSUMED ME AND I CANNOT ESCAPE

Kel: I NEED A VERY SMALL AND CHARMI GUY TO SAVE ME FROM MY COMFORTABLE PRISON

Sunny: comfortable

Sunny: you mean a hotel?

Kel: if this was a hotel I would rate it five stars

Kel: but I cant reach the cheese puffs since 99% of my arm length is covered in the greasy food coverings of the chair

Kel: so instead I give this a -2 stars

Kel: yes I can give that

Sunny: i give everything a -5 stars

Kel: why

Sunny: life is bad

Kel: what about me???

Sunny: infinite stars

Kel: :)

Kel: You are a good friendddd

Kel: bestiee

Sunny invited Aubrey to the chat.

Aubrey has joined the chat.

Sunny: kel's harassing me

Aubrey: hold on, let me upscroll sunny

Kel: wait wait wait why did you do that no

Aubrey: haha

Aubrey: homose

Sunny kicked Aubrey from the group chat.

Sunny: that never happened

Kel: already erased from my memory

Sunny: also

Sunny: do you think i can approach you from hundreds of miles away to your location to save you from a beanbag chair

Sunny: no

Sunny: no amount of logic can do that

Kel: who said you were using logic

Kel: I know the BLJ tactic, Sunny.

Kel: I know that you use it.

Sunny:

Sunny: hot.

Kel: yes hot this chair is literally melting me help

Mari broke in digitally to the chat

Mari: GO GET THEM, SUNNY! WOO!

Sunny: SHOO

Mari: NO

Mari was kicked by Sunny.

Sunny: well I'm actually at Basils house right now

Sunny: ill help you soon

Sunny: btw whos getting the cake

Kel: for Aubrey's birthday?

Sunny: 

Sunny: your BROTHER

Kel: sus

Sunny: sus

Kel: amongus

Sunny: imposter

Kel: vent

Sunny: stop avoiding the topic

Kel: what topic???

Sunny: Hero's birthday

Sunny: did you get anything for him

Kel: we'll I thought it was auburgers birthday

Sunny: well*

Kel: eat a salad

Kel: so I got her pink dye

Sunny: kel

Sunny: one time i climbed up the ladder in her house uninterrupted

Sunny: the entire room was filled in an ocean of pink dye containers while she stared at me in embarassment

Sunny: I'm pretty sure we were staring for an hour while I was silently judging her

Kel: silent judgement sunny is scary

Sunny: good

Kel: D;;;;

Sunny: dont get her hair dye

Kel: sunny I'm poor

Kel: i can only get her hair dye

Sunny: oh right

Sunny: kel

Kel: yeah?

Sunny: my homie my compadre my homeslice

Kel: you never use those adjectives and they are so cursed coming from you bro

Kel: im scared

Kel: againn

Sunny: you still owe me

Sunny: 20 dollars

Kel:

Kel: i heard of no such thing

Sunny: im gonna lock the chair you are contained in within my basement

Kel: dont you live in an apartment???

Sunny: :)

Kel: oh no

Kel: what should I get for heros bbday if its his bbday which I doubt

Sunny: you only have one birthday

Sunny: the rest is graduation for being alive

Sunny: and also a reminder that you are still a virgin

Sunny: that is until you arent

Kel: we are sixteen

Sunny: i agree but please help me mari keeps dming me that im a virgin

Sunny: this is getting out of hand

Kel: didn't you assassinate her at age 15

Kel: you can just return the favor easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Sunny: i tried

Sunny: for some reason it didn't checking work

Kel: sunny

Kel: why did you say checking???

Sunny: mari doesn't want me to swear

Kel: LMAOOOOOOO

Sunny: fine im not helping you

Sunny: your bulging muscles can get yourself out of the chair easily

Kel: YOU'RE RIGHT

Kel: WHEN I FLEX...

<<<

It didn't work.

Herooo pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase

Kel stares at Sally.

He suddenly forms an incredibly smart plan.

He looks at the cheese puffs and looks at the small infant.

He rubbed his hector brain cells together and they are greased and oiled in orange joe.

>>>

[Kel --> Sunny]

Sunny: And then I threw an orange joe can at the child

Sunny: and then it cried

Sunny: then I experienced power

Kel: what

Kel: well i was about to ask you should I use a child as a method of escape

Sunny: yes

Sunny: yes yes yes yes

Sunny: do it.

Kel: honestly quite incredible!!

Sunny: honestly quite incredible

Kel: honestly quite incredible

Sunny: honestly quite incredible

<<<

As soon as he was ready to lure the child, his phone vibrated. +100 confusion. The burger man looks at the notification.

It's from the Unnamed Group Chat. He thinks it should be called Sunny Is A Cool Guy but ah well.

Let's see what's going on gamers.

>>>

[<(Unnamed Groupchat)>]

Kel: WASSUP GAMERS!!!!!! +10000000 REDDIT GOLD!

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Aubrey: Also, what IS going on anyway??

Basil: I DUNNO?!?!? SOME RANDOM GUY BROKE IN????98*(U&

Mari: NOW THIS IS INTRIEGUING~ :D

Hero: I was just shopping at Othermart right now. What do you guys need?

Sunny: YOU.

Kel: ooh caps sunny

Omori: Aloha MotherTRICKERS.

Mari: GASP

Mari: LANGUAGE!

Sunny: YOU MOTHERHECKING PIANO MAN

Sunny: ILL EAT YOUR LIVER AND THEN VOMIT IT INTO THE TOILET

Omori: JUST LIKE THE EXPIRED STEAK THAT YOU ATE LOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Kel: I kinda like the way he types.

Kel: IT KINDA GOES LIKE THIS >:ooooo

Omori: Shut UP Kel ORANGE Joe Tastes BAD

Kel: GASP

Aubrey: Okay, this guy's respectable.

Omori: Pink IS A Gross Color

Kel: ^^^^^^ UPVOTE

Aubrey: NOW LISTEN HERE YOU DUMBASS GREMLIN

Sunny: IM READY TO EAT YOUR LIVER IDIOT!

Mari: IM WATCHING FROM OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW, PUT DOWN THE KNIFE, SUNNY!

Basil: KNIFE?@?$?@#?$%@??@$??%##?%?@#?%/

Omori: I'd LIKE To See You TRY VIRGIN

Sunny: OH IM GONNNA DO IT BETCH!

Mari: LANGUAGE!!!

Kel: Lmao this is gonna be one long day

Hero: Angry Sunny. I'd like to see where this is headed.

Kel: ISNT IT YOUR JOB TO STOP STUFF LIKE THIS

Hero:

Hero: Do you know what day it is?

Kel: no

Hero:

Hero: Once I come home.

Hero: You better PRAY I don't find you.

Aubrey: LMAO KEL IS GONNA DIE

Omori: WoOoooh, What Happened, To The HERO here?

Sunny: depression

Omori: I'm A Trained Expert ON DERPESSION

Omori: Anyway Im Gonna Try To Find A Way To Get Admin Perms BYEEEEE

Sunny: DONT YOU DARE

Chapter Text

Sunny stares at his screen. He should totally get something to eat.

It was literally evening and the stupid brain goblin got into the text channel. HOW.

(I simply found a skill solution.)

Shut up idiot I WILL find a way to end your existence.

(haha okay walking stick)

child

(sunny more like punny)

die in a fire

He isn't going to deal with this.

He needs to distract himself.

That way, he won't be able to hear him anymore.

Right! He can distract himself by using his phone!

> <

[One new notification!]

>>>

[Sunny -> Omori]

Omori: haha you Dumb Little TRAUMAMAN

Omori: YOU ACTUALLY THOT THAT YOU COULD ESCAPE MEEEEEEEEEE??

Sunny: Why are you so cliche.

Sunny: good lord you spelled thought so incredibly wrong

Omori: EW WHY DID YOU SAY THOU-HT THATS A BAD WORD

Sunny: no?

Sunny: Wait.

Omori: WAIT.

Omori: I'll Lock YoU in a Lunchbox for the Rest Of Your Days

Omori: It Cant Be PossIble ThAt THO-GHT is the one thats good right??!??

Sunny: You are so incredibly unfunny to talk to.

Sunny: The others are way better than you.

Omori: I SIMPLY have the FUNNY PROWESS that you had at the age of 12

Omori: I STILL LAUGH

Omori: AT

Omori: POOP JOKES

Omori: HAHA I SAID THE FUNNY

Sunny: Im bringing out the chainsaw

Omori: OH FU

<<<

---------------

>>>

Omori: IIM SORRY PLEASE SPARE ME OH MIGHTY LORD SUNNY

Omori: YOUR PRECIOUS RIP AND TEAR THING is LIKE WAY STRONG

Omori: DUDE I JUST WANNA CHIIILLiN HEADSPACE

Sunny: Go on.

Sunny: Bold my title.

Sunny: You bold everything but my title.

Omori: LORD SUNNY

Omori: IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH

Omori: PlEAsE I NEED mY EGO you TWAT

Sunny: *slowly brings out chainsaw*

Omori: NO

Omori: YOU DONT DESERVE BOLD

Sunny: *holds the chainsaw like a violin bow over violin*

Omori: HOLY CRAP

Omori: HOLY COCK

Omori: HOLY POOP

Omori: HOLY SWEETHEART

Omori: gET it CAUSE SweetHeart(tm) is  a DONUT and has HOLEEE?

Omori: LIKE HOLE-Y?

Sunny: 3

Omori: what

Sunny: 2

Omori: what ArE you DOing

Sunny: 1

Omori: WHY ARE YOU COUNTING EVEN A 2 YEAR OLD CAN DO IT IDIOT

Sunny: time's up

<<<

>>>

[<(Unnamed Groupchat)>]

Sunny joined the chat.

Omori joined the chat.

Aubrey: Sup nerd and rando.

Kel: WELCOME BAAACK!

Mari: We've been waiting!

Omori: MARI HELP

Omori: PLEASE YOU GOTTA HELP ME

Mari: Alright black and white little tard, what the hell do you want?

Aubrey: ANGRY MARI?!?!

Kel: ANGRY MARI WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! TTTTTTT!?!?!?

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Kel: NO

Omori: WHY YOU HATE ME BIG SIS

Aubrey: What?

Kel: IM CONFUSSEEED!!!!

Sunny: Go on.

Sunny: Tell her.

Aubrey: I'm so glad I've never been on Sunny's bad side.

Kel: Didnt he like stab you or smth

Kel: very banger

Aubrey: ILL HAVE YOU KNOW

Omori: MARI SUNNY STABBED ME WITH A CHAINSAW THEN PLAYED THE CHAINSAW ON A VIOLIN AND IT HURT A TON BIG SIS PLEASE HELP ME HE HURT LIKE A TON PLEASE PLAESE

Mari: No.

Omori: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Aubrey: Wait you aren't Kel

Aubrey: Nevermind continue, sorry

Kel: WHY DOES HE GET TO SHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Aubrey: SHUT UP BEFORE I BONK YOU

Kel: BONK YOURSELF YOU HORNY DELINQUENT

Aubrey: WHAT?!?!??!?!

Kel: IVE SEEN YOU WRITE KIM X READER FANFICS BUT LIKE THE REAL THING

Kel: AND YOU WERE THE READER

[Aubrey whispers to Kel: SHUT UP NOT THERE YOU DIMWIT]

[Kel whispers to Aubrey: :)]

[Aubrey whispers to Kel: I will mold you into an orb]

[Kel: fool i have already tried]

Mari: Alright Sunny's self hating duplicate, you got a long way to go before you have my respect.

Omori: OKAY OKAY ILL BE good MILDLY DECENT AFTERWARd ploease please please give me

Omori: give mod perms :)

Sunny: OH NO YOU DONT

Sunny: MARI DONT DO IT.

Mari: hmmm...

Aubrey: Hey, why dont WE get mod perms?!

Kel: YEAH?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Kel: BASED MARI>!?!?!?!>$#@?$?!@

Mari: did you just call me based you dumb basketboy?

Kel: shi

Aubrey: LMAO YOU ARE SCREWED

Aubrey: YOU DONT GET TO CALL MARI BASED

Omori: HEYHEYHEYHEY @Aubrey @Kel @Mari BACK TO ME BACK TO ME STOP MOVING THE CONVERSATION

Omori: ONCE I GET MOD PERMS iM GoNANA BAN YOU

Omori: BEcAUSe

Omori: YoU KeeP IgnoRing MEeEee !! ;-;;;

Aubrey: Say, where's Basil anyway?

Kel: Yeah!!!

Basil joined the chat.

Basil: Did someone say the name of a plant??

Basil: I set an automatic response timer with some handy coding whenever someone says a plant name!!!!

Kel: BUT WE NEVER SAID A PLANT NAME???

Basil: Kel.,,.....

Aubrey: Kel.

Omori: KEL YOU IDIOT.

Sunny: Keeeeelll..

Mari: Oh come on, Kel..

Kel: What????? D;

Kel: Did I lose all my social credit again?????

Omori: Kel Im Literally Going TO Extract YoUr BronEs

Basil: My name is after a plant...,.

Kel: YOU ARE A PLANT?!?!??!

Kel: WAIT IT MAKES SENSE

Kel: OH MY GOODNESS

Kel: THATS WHY YOU HAVE A CAMERA AND A PHOTO ALBUM

Kel: YOU NEED IT FOR PHOTOSYNTHESIS

Omori: wAIT

Omori: youre RIGHT

Mari: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

Mari: Everyone, listen up!

Mari: It's someone's birthday today!

Kel: AUBREY'S OFC!!!

Aubrey: I will literally find your house and beat you to death.

Kel: You already know where I live

Kel: DO IT YOURSELF COWWAAARD :)))

Mari: Settle down, you two.

Omori: MARI WHERES MY MOD PEEEEEEERMS

Sunny: *slowly pulls out chainsaw*

Omori: slowly backs the frick away

Sunny: :)

Omori: >:(

Basil: u.u

Basil: So,,.,, are we gonna question who omori is?!?1/. like, how did he get here/!>?

Mari: Nope! We got a task at hand, folks!

Omori: HANDS?!?!??!

Omori: RED HANDS??!?!?!?!?!??!?

Basil: ooh???

Aubrey: Red hair? :thinking:

Kel: EW AUBREY USING EMOJIS

Kel: EW EW EW EWE WE WE W EWE WE W EW EW EWE WEWEWEWEWE

Aubrey: wiwi

Aubrey: kel

Aubrey: gay

Kel: WHAT

Sunny: ?

Basil: suspicious >->

Aubrey: nevermind

Mari: It's Hero's birthday today!

Kel: I thought this was Aubrey's????

Kel: OH WAIT

Kel: ITSA PRANK RIGHT??

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Mari: GUYS

Mari: I'm going to have to mute all of you.

Basil: You guys probably should stop./.??/

Omori: DISCORD MODERATOR?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Sunny: DISCORD MARIRATOR?!?!?!?!

Mari: ._.

Mari muted Omori.

Mari muted Sunny.

Sunny: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Kel: LMAO SUCKERS

Mari muted Kel.

Aubrey:

Aubrey: dumbass.

Aubrey: wait fu

Mari muted Aubrey.

Mari kicked Hero from Unnamed Groupchat.

[Kel left a "bruh" reaction on the kick announcement.]

[Sunny left a "bruh" reaction on the kick announcement.]

[Omori left a "middle finger" reaction on the kick announcement.]

[Aubrey spelled out "shut up" using letters, however couldn't due to there being two u's.]

Mari: Pay attention.

[Sunny left a "yes" on Mari's message.]

[Omori left a "wait" on Mari's message using letters.]

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Mari: Dude, stop.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Kel: Blocked message.

Mari: NOT YOU TOO, KEL.

Omori: Blocked message.

Kel: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Kel: Blocked message.

Omori: Blocked message.

Kel: Blocked message.

Mari: Send another message and none of you get cookies.

Mari: ...

Mari: good.

Mari: So, in order to impress the handsome man for tonight..

Mari: We are going to need to have a surprise party!

[Sunny left a "tada" on Mari's message.]

[Omori left a "middle finger" on Mari's message.]

[Kel left a "pink circle" on Mari's message.]

[Aubrey left a "thumbs up" on Mari's message.]

Mari: Judging by Sunny's DMs, he and Kel have fallen into a predicament.

Mari: Well, more Kel specifically.

[Basil left a "sunflower" emote on Mari's message.]

Mari: Kel got stuck in a chair like a loser.

[Aubrey left a "upvote" on Mari's message.]

[Kel left a "oraaange JOE" on Mari's message.]

Mari: So that means Hero isn't home right now.

Mari: Once he comes back, he will arrive to a dark and empty home...

[Kel left a "chair" emote on Mari's message.]

[Kel left a "chair" emote on Mari's previous previous message.]

[Kel left a "chair" emote on Mari's previous previous previous message.]

[Kel left a "chair" emote on Mari's previous previous previous previous message.]

Mari: We need someone silent and stealthy to take on the mission of SCARING him!

Mari: oh the look on his face when hes scared would be so kissable~~~

[Kel left a "disgust" emote on Mari's message.]

[Aubrey left a "disgust" emote on Mari's message.]

[Omori left a "disgust" emote on Mari's message.]

[Omori left a "middle finger" emote on Mari's message.]

[Sunny left a "disgust" emote on Mari's message.]

[Basil left a "thumbs_up" emote on Mari's message.]

[Basil left a "pesto" emote on Mari's message.]

Mari: And that silent someone...

Mari: Is no other than my daring little brother!

Sunny left the chat.

Mari: oh no you dont cheeky bastard

Sunny was invited to the chat by Mari.

Sunny: wait im not muted anymore

Sunny: among u

Mari muted Sunny.

Kel left the chat.

Kel was invited to the chat by Kel.

Kel: THANKS KEL

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

Kel: BALLS

[Aubrey left a "shut up kel!!!" emote on every single "balls".]

Mari muted Kel.

Mari: For goodness sake, please pay attention.

Mari: Sunny will come in and chuck Sally at the charming man~~

[Sunny left a "sunny interested" emote on Mari's message.]

Mari: And then, we will turn on the lights with everything prepared!

Mari unmuted everyone.

Omori: SWEET REALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE

Kel: YOU SAID IT!!!

Omori: I DID SAY IT!

Kel: YES YOU DID!!!

Sunny: *slowly pulls out chainsaw*

Sunny: only I can be his homie

Omori: gay

Kel: what

Aubrey: :)

Aubrey: gay

Basil: Hey,.,.,, don't do thattt..

Aubrey: nevermind

Omori: nevermind

Sunny: omori

Sunny: begin running

Omori: Oh FRIJFIOEHJVOIEHOIFHIOEDSIOHFIJOEDIJOCJDVIJODHUN(GUIF*VJUBRHY&ETYGEDEFNHVFNHUNHUVDNHJ GDGD

Omori left the chat.

Aubrey: Rest in piss.

Kel: -10 social credit!!!!

Basil: I can bury him for the soil in my plants!!11!

Mari: Well, get to it!

Mari: I already got the cake prepared.

Basil: but aren't you a ghost??/

Mari:

Mari: Basil dear

Mari: my baking skills are omnipresent

[Omori joined the chat.]

Omori: AgrEE ^^^

Omori: ONE Time I Was Chilling In WhiteSpace

Omori: THEN

Omori: BABAM

Omori: a cake filled with WORMS appeared

[Mari left a "smug_mari" emote on Omori's message.]

Omori: OH SHET

Omori left the chat.

Kel: Are we ever gonna talk about you and Kim

Kel: because you are kinda clingy

Kel: kinda like bagel

Basil: BAGEL?!?!>>?#@>?#?@>

Kel: how bout it auberbub???

Aubrey: your expiration date has been set to two minutes

Kel: ayo what the heck

Aubrey: open the door

Kel: AYO WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Kel: DUDE IM STILL IN MY CHAIRHJVDEVJNJDKJD

Mari: I left my cake on my grave!

Mari: Looks like you suckers are going to need to revisit me if you want it~~

Kel: What if we dont come :))))

Mari: 

Mari: Alright Aubrey, I used some ghost powers.

Mari: The door should be open!

Aubrey: YO THANKS!

Mari: The chair is right next to the stairs, by the way.

Kel: NO CRAP NO IUEWGFHUIEFWJNFJNEVNJBHJEVINEFNHJEVNHJDVNHEUEVBUHYEVBYUHEGV

Kel has left the chat.

Aubrey: woops

Aubrey: I slapped his phone

Mari: I'm watching the scene unfold.

Aubrey: ...

Basil: Is he going to be alright????./??

Aubrey: hold on I cant smack him through this thick ass chair

Aubrey: wtf is this thing even made out of?

Aubrey: titanium?

Aubrey: Gotta put this down rq.

Aubrey has left the chat.

Mari: ...

Basil: Hiya!1

Mari: Basil, you know how I am able to observe multiple places with ease as a ghost?

Basil: Yyeah!!

Mari: 

Mari: Basil we need to talk about things you have been doing...

Mari: Outside of Polly's supervision.

Basil:

Basil has left the chat.

Mari: YOU CANT ESCAPE THE TALK FOREVER BASIL!

Mari: EVEN THOUGH YOUR PARENTS AREN'T HERE I WILL BE SURE TO MAKE IT AS AWKWARD AS POSSIBLE

Mari: JUST YOU WAIT.

Mari: ...

Mari: Man, this chat is silent without them.

Mari: @everyone dont forget to get the plans ready by next chapter!

Sunny joined the chat.

Sunny: What's a chapter?

Mari: shi

Chapter Text

The wind grazed the trees as a soft chime filled the air. Several bunnies scattered into the forest. Why? Mari has no idea.

Mari floated gently from above as she watched everyone scramble to find the necessities for Hero's birthday party.

She looks at her grave. The cake was waiting on it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a boney hand appeared from the grave.

The skeleton. Her skeleton.

The skeleton has appeared.

Mari gasped as flames appeared near the boney ...woman? Man? What?

It casually stared at Ghost Mari, gave a small wave, and walked away.

Ghost Mari hesitantly waves at... Skeleton Mari? As she..he..what walks away.

...

Well.

..okay.

Mari pulled out her phone and began to text to get her mind off of that... situation.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kel takes off the skeleton costume with the cake in hand. Mission success. He blares Skull Gang OST from Kirby Sword And Shield.

Alright, that awesome plan aside, the burger man clicks off the boombox. Somehow, he managed to cram the entire thing in his pocket. Boy pocket logic.

He quickly stuffed a slice and shoved it in his mouth. No one was able to find him here. Perfect stealth.

Time to check his phone!

-----------

[1 New Burger Notification!]

-----------

[Mari --> Kel]

Kel has joined the chat.

Mari: Kel.

Kel: Ye Marmar??????

Mari: Please explain why you were in my grave.

Kel: THE SKELETON APPEARS!!!!

Mari: No, seriously.

Mari: Why.

Kel: You see mamamiapizzaria I had to 

Kel: -

Kel: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mari: How long were you even IN there?!

Kel: ...

Kel: your mom

Mari: That's it.

Mari: I'm getting the deep frier.

Mari: And I'm boiling you alive.

Kel: yikes man

Kel: at least I die in burger fashion

Mari: Don't you cook burgers?

Kel: and thats where your wrong

Mari: you're

Kel:

Kel:

Kel: ill eat your salads

Mari: I'm a ghost.

Kel: >:(((((((((9

Kel: you are no fun to talk to you know that??

Mari: I'll bake another cake. Don't cause any trouble.

Kel: Is sacrificing sunny to the cat gods considered trouble????

Mari: Not at all!

Kel: I see

Kel: thank you for information mario

Kel: am I good at interrogating?!?!?!?!

Mari: No, not at all, Kel. Try improving your intimidating technique.

Kel: hmmm....

Kel: I c I c

Kel: ill go make auberber anger

Mari: What are you going to do with the giant cake to yourself, anyway?

Kel: you know exactly what I'm going to do.

Kel: exactly.

Mari: Eat all of it?

Kel: +1000 social credit :))))

Mari: Go knock yourself out!

Mari: Don't actually.

Mari: Stay safe!

Kel: aighty THANKS WAL-MARI-T

Mari: Oh, and by the way.

Mari: Sunny has something to tell you.

Kel: What??

Mari: Oh, nevermind~

Kel: EHHHHHHHHHHHHH???????

Kel has left the chat.

-----------------

[Kel --> Sunny]

Kel has joined the chat.

Kel: YO SUNNSUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sunny has joined the chat.

Sunny: dude

Sunny: why did i

Sunny: have to watch

Sunny: the bapy

Kel: You both are bapies, its only fair for you to watch the bapy as well!!

Kel: rite snuuy???

Sunny: jehfjaehfjheafehfjehaj

Sunny: you are stupid

Kel: :(

Sunny: in a dumb goofy way

Sunny: still be stupid

Kel: YOU GOT IT BUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdd

Sunny: now go annoy aubrey

Sunny: im busy

Sunny: sally is crying in autotune

Kel: I dont think babies cry in autotune??

Kel: You alright??

Sunny: no

Sunny: and no

Sunny: brain goblins playing some dumb trickery

Sunny: tryna make all the babies sound like modern rappers

Kel: oooh. Yeah same!

Kel: well

Kel: without the uh

Kel: baby autotune

Kel: and the rappers

Kel: yeah!!! :)

Sunny: explain

Kel: One time I ate a rock thinking it was a burger

Kel: hallucinations are weird

Sunny: You hallucinate?

Kel: when im hungry

Kel: thats normal right

Kel: burgers

Kel: burgerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Kel: burgione

Kel: thats french for burger

Sunny: no?

Kel: burgeroineoinreione

Kel: thats kel for burger

Sunny; Can you speak any other language besides English and Spanish?

Kel:

Kel: I can speak the language of the gods?

Kel: atleast someone said that to me once

Kel: im not sure

Kel: I mean

Kel: I can read enchantment table

Kel: ddoes that count

Sunny: yes.

Sunny: yes it does.

Kel: amazing.

Kel: so uh

Kel: ...

Kel: nice day huh

Sunny: kel

Sunny: you saying that only means horrifying things

Sunny: spill the beans

Kel: im eating an entire cake rn

Kel: *

Kel: CORRECTION

Kel: I W A S EATING AN ENTIRE CAKE RIGHT NOW

Kel: I DROPPED IT FRICK

Kel: GOD NO

Kel: MY BOY

Kel: LOOK AT HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY

Kel: I WAS GOING TO SAVE HALF OF IT FOR AUBREY

Sunny: sus

Kel: TO THROW IT AT HER OBVIOUSLY

Sunny: ah

Sunny: understandable

Kel: AND THEN EAT IT ONCE IT HITS THE GROUND

Sunny: But you just whined over your fallen cake brethren

Sunny: cant you just

Sunny: eat it

Kel: you genius

Kel: I could literally shake you rn

Kel: like one of those fizzly cans of

Kel: delicious

Kel: luxorious

Kel: ABSOLUTELY POG

Kel: oragne joene

Kel: orange joe*

Kel: the lemon one sucks

Sunny: I will ignore you said that

Kel: why though

Kel: why you gotta ignore my statements like that homie

Kel: its like 

Kel: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Kel: only thing going through my brain is cheez-it snaps

Kel: wait now that i think about it

Kel: cheez it snaps

Kel: snaps

Kel: kinda like thatos

Sunny: thanos?

Kel: thatos

Kel: get it cuz like

Kel: fatos

Kel: ...that.. os

Kel: with a bros

Kel: bro os

Kel: bros for life

Sunny: how did you ruin that so badly

Sunny: then come back so smoothly

Kel: practice. Only practice.

Kel: and 100+ hours in among us

Kel: things get very tense when I need to focus

Kel: and thats when I get serious

Kel: so I can win ofc ofc

Sunny: Kel.

Sunny: when was the last time you drank orange joe

Sunny: are you experiencing a sugar crash right now

Kel: hero finally took away all my orange joe and now im going through a depressed arc man

Kel: you gotta help me

Sunny: cant you just threaten him with the burger king again

Kel: IT DIDNT WORK

Kel: HE BECAME RESISTANT TO THE EFFECTS SNUY

Kel: LIKE SERIOUSLY I STRANGLED HIM AT 12 AM AT NIGHT AND HE LITERALLY SAID "Mari do it more" IN HIS SLEEP

Kel: WHICH BRINGS UP SOME VERY QUESTIONABLE THINGS??????

Sunny: repress

Kel: repress!!

Sunny: we will never discuss of this

Sunny left the chat.

Kel: DAMMIT

Kel: IM BORED

------------------------------

[<(Unnamed Groupchat)>]

Kel joined the chat.

Aubrey: So basically, you need to find a way to turn off the power to disable the light switch.

Aubrey: And thus I did.

Basil: DID YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE ENTIRE ELECTRIC PANEL THOUGH!??!?!?!?! D;<

Basil: like whats kel's parents gonna think about this??. :((

Aubrey: It was some good ol' arson, Basil! I'm a delinquent! It's my jooooooooooobbbbbbbbbb.

Basil: We really need to talk about this,,

Kel has joined the chat.

Kel: Have we ever decided what we were gonna name this group chat?

Aubrey: YES TOPIC CHANGE

Aubrey: NAME IT YOUR MOM TAKES STEROIDS AND IS PEEPEE

Basil: Oh no you dont!11 >:((

Kel: I WOULD LOVE TO

Kel: I CANT BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS BUT HOLY CRAP AUBREY THATS A BEAUTIFUL NAME

Aubrey: Your stupidity is rubbing off on me.

Aubrey: It's seriously just deteriorating everything in my frontal lobe.

Aubrey: I can feel the grammar slowly being sucked from my veins.

Aubrey: Every living breathing moment of my life I slowly lose more brain cells.

 Kel: Whats a frontal lobe?

Aubrey: I DON’T KNOW AND I BLAME YOU.

Aubrey: DON’T YELL “CHILDREN’S ORGANS” IN CLASS WHEN I NEED TO FOCUS.

Basil: Aren’t you a delinquent?

Aubrey: I STILL CARE ABOUT MY FUTURE, BASIL!

Basil: Suspicious,.

Kel: SUS

Mari joined the chat.

Mari: Did you guys get the materials needed?

Aubrey: You just told me to take care of the electricity.

Mari: And did you?

Basil: MARI, SHE TOOK OUT THE ELECTRIC PANEL!?!.,

Mari: And I’m gonna take out Hero tomorrow~ :)

Kel: ew

Aubrey: disgusting

Mari: By the way Aubrey, I’m proud of you!

Mari: Slay queen! :thumbs_up:

Aubrey: Ayyyyyyyy. :thumbs_up:

Basil: What??

Kel: Women

Sunny joined the chat.

Sunny: women

Omori joined the chat.

Omori: WOMEN.

Sunny: hi idiot

Omori: hola betch

Kel: Man this guy knows tons of languages

Kel: hot damn like what does hola even mean

Aubrey: …

Basil: …

Sunny: .

Mari: …Kel.

Kel: Yes?

Mari: I mean this in the most motivational and happy way possible:

Mari: Do you pay attention in class?

Kel: uh

Aubrey: no.

Kel: LIAR

Kel: I PAY ATTENTION

Omori: to deez nuts.

Omori: gottem.

Kel: damn just got got

Aubrey: The only time I saw you ever pay attention was when the chemistry teacher talked about carbon atoms.

Aubrey: Then you just screamed to the top of your lungs about carbonated drinks.

Aubrey: Like. Orange… not juice.

Kel: Say ittttttttttttttttttttt :)

Aubrey: No.

Kel: SAY ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT >->

Aubrey: SHUT UP

Aubrey: I’M GOING TO LITERALLY SHAVE YOUR FACE WITH A LAWNMOWER

Omori: Sheep are sentient lawnmowers.

Sunny: ^

Kel: ^^

Basil: ^^^

Aubrey: What the fu-

Mari replied to Omori’s message: ^^^^

Basil: Hey Sunny?

Sunny: yeah

Basil: Do you ever feel like we aren’t progressing anywhere right now>?

Sunny: no

Mari: What do you mean by that?

Kel: IVE BEEN STUCK IN ONE PLACE THE ENTIRE TIME AND ITS THE FOREST

Kel: IM EATING THIS ENTIRE FUDGE CAKE WHILE TEXTING

Kel: I THINK I GOT ALL THE FROSTING OVER MY PHONE

Kel: I THINK IM GONNA LICK TH E P HONE WAIt

Kel: STIKY KEYSFBUHEJsHIUDOIS

Aubrey: That’s disgusting.

Kel: YOURE DISGUSTING

Basil: Well Sunny, it feels like Hero’s birthday was almost two months ago.

Basil: When in reality, we have been preparing for only a day?

Basil: It’s weird.., could be just me though!!

Omori: you might be on to something

Sunny: true

Mari: …

Mari: slurps tea.

Mari: Um! Did you guys notice the time?

Basil: I’m still trying to process the fact that Mari is still here!!

Mari: Hero should be back any second now!

—------------------------------------------------

Today has been a long day for Hero.

He finally just returned home after a large grocery shopping run with his dad, who went right to work afterward.

Crickets chirp nearby while fireflies loom in the grass. It was just another normal day for Hero.

After carrying all the bags on top of his head (like a madman) he knocks on the door. Although he has the keys, it’s only proper etiquette to let others know you are approaching the location. That brings him back to some old memories…

One time, he wanted to have a chat with Mari a few days before the recital. He ran into the piano room while they were practicing their music. Mari had her finger pointed up in a stern position, seemingly fuming with Sunny. He heard her call Sunny some… things. As soon as that happened, he just walked backwards out of the room while they both stared.

Huh.

Nevermind, he no longer wants to think about that.

As he stands at his very own doorstep, he confirms with himself that he had been standing there reminiscing about the past for a good few minutes. He fumbles his wallet for the keys and opens the door.

…

It was pitch black.

Good.

Hero snaps his fingers as sparkles appear from his hair, causing twelve dogs to appear from the shrubbery and put his groceries on their head. All of them being pomeranians, for some reason, had some difficulty carrying the heavier pieces of equipment and food, but served Hero regardless.

He yawns and rubs his eyes sleepily, gazing into the darkness of his humble abode.

Suddenly, Sally with a football helmet was chucked at Hero at the speed of sound.

Hero acted as any sane being would in this situation.

“WHAT IN THE FU-”

—-------------------------

[<(Unnamed Groupchat)>]

Sunny joined the chat.

Mari: Holy crap Sunny, you killed him.

Mari: You literally killed him.

Sunny: double kill

Mari: Doesn’t count, your most recent one was years ago.

Sunny: Ill top your triple kill streak one day

Omori: I too will help

Omori: for I

Omori: am kill

Sunny: no you arent bastard

Mari: Technically, Omori means “to kill” in Romanian.

Aubrey: Kel, status report.

Kel: Omori is kill, Hero is kill, Omori is kill but not KILLED just kill, Sunny just murdered my brother, holy crap +50 social credit to Sunny

Aubrey: God. Never again.

Aubrey: Basil, status report.

Basil: DEEP BREATHS

Basil: DEEEEP BREATHS

Basil: MARI

Basil: DO YOU THINK HERO WOULD BE OKAY

Basil: IF I GOT THE JUMPROPE

Mari: Chill, Hero is not going to die from getting smashed in the head by a baby.

Mari: With a football helmet.

Mari: In a dark room.

Mari: hm. About that.

Kel: MARI

Kel: MAYBE THAT WAS A BAD IDEA

Mari: That may be factually correct.

Aubrey: So.

Aubrey: Happy birthday to Hero I guess.

Mari: Don’t worry, drag him to the bed.

Mari: I’ll take care of everything afterward~

Aubrey: We are sinners in the eyes of God.

Basil: ^

Sunny: When will God smite me

Omori: I AM GOD

Omori: HOLD ON CMERE LEMME CHUCK A SPACEBOY BOLT AT YOU

Kel: OOOH SPACEBOY?!?!?!

Kel: I REMEMBER HE GOT THE ABILITY TO CAST SOLAR RAYS THAT WAS SO SICK

Omori: I KNOW

Kel: HOMIE LISTEN, SPACEBOY IS THE BEST THING IN EXISTANCE

Basil: Are we going to question the fact that Hero is passed out?>??

Aubrey: KEL YOU SPELLED EXISTENCE WRONG DUMBASS.

Omori: And your mom spelled you wrong, counter dumbass.

Aubrey: …

Kel: sheeeeeee

Sunny: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Omori: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mari: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Basil: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh,

Aubrey: Omori where is your location.

Aubrey: I’m going to kill you

Aubrey: then feed your bones to the dogs that Hero has around for some reason.

Omori: You can’t catch me.

Aubrey: And why is that?

Omori: I’m the gingerbread man.

Sunny: Jesus Christ now hes doing a dance with a cane and a tophat what have you done

Mari: Alright guys! While you were texting, I buried Hero in the backyard.

Kel: NIIIIIIIIIIIIICE >:D

Basil: W-what!??!

Mari: I’m kidding. Now skadoodle. The adults are gonna converse once he wakes up.

Sunny: I dislike the implications of that.

Basil: Aren’t you a ghost?

Mari: I have my ways!

Mari left the chat.

Aubrey: Using my “dumbass detector” I have found your location, Kill.

Kel: Me?

Aubrey: No, Omori.

Kel nicknamed himself to Kill.

Kill: LMAO

Mari joined the chat.

Mari nicknamed Kill to Kel.

Mari left the chat.

Kel: NOOOOOO

Sunny: one day you will have to answer for your actions

Sunny: and God might not be so merciful

Omori: damn right

Kel: What???

Aubrey: Same here, Kel.

Basil: But are we even gonna sing happy birthday to Hero?/1/?

Kel: Here lemme get the sandwich

Kel: Lets start singing happy birthday to it! :D

Basil: YOU GENIUS! >:D

Aubrey: DAMN, GOOD IDEA.

Sunny: ^

Omori: damn i wanna be there

Kel: aight got the hunky funky sandwich on the table

Kel: stolen right from heros bags

Kel: plopped on the table

Kel: lets begin the epic gamer song

------------------------------

1 hour later...

Mari joined the chat.

Mari: wait

Mari: Did you guys seriously sing happy birthday to a sandwich?

Kel joined the chat.

Kel: I have arrived at 12 am to tell you

Kel: yes

Kel: we celebrated Hero's birthday

Mari: You Goddamn maniac.

Mari: I'm proud of you.

Chapter Text

(<[Unnamed Groupchat]>)

Sunny joined the chat.

Sunny: It has been

Sunny: 1 week

Sunny: since egg day

Aubrey joined the chat.

Aubrey: Yeah, and?

Sunny: let it be known that

Sunny: bobby the bomb died for our sins

Aubrey: Who?

Kel joined the chat.

Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUDE WHY YOU GOTTA REMIND ME OF THAT BRO??

Kel: BOBBY THE BOMB WAS THE BEST MAN A BRO COULD ASK FOR

Basil joined the chat.

Basil: Like,, Bobby the Bomb from Cutout Stache?>?

Aubrey: Paper Mario? I'm not sure what you guys are talking about here, I'm too broke for a console.

Kel: YOU GOT ME CRYING BRO, SUNNY WHY?????

Hero joined the chat.

Hero: Dammit, Sunny! Didn't you know that Kel became an emo teen for a week BECAUSE of Bobby the Bomb?

Hero: sigh

Hero: This is why I don't put up with you children too often.

Aubrey: ^^^

Hero: Including you too, Aubrey.

Aubrey: HEY I FEEL CALLED OUT.

Kel: CHILDREN?!?!

Kel: fair

Sunny: fair

Basil: I didn','t do anythiing/?//

Omori joined the chat.

Omori: did someone say child

Omori: I want to punt them into next week

Sunny muted Omori.

Sunny: not today

Kel: YO! UNCOOL!

Sunny: o

Sunny unmuted Omori.

Aubrey: simp?

Sunny: what

Kel: what

Omori: YOU CAN NEVER CONTAIN ME

Omori: im like scp 999

Omori: the fat reptile

Kel: BARNEY?!?!??!

Aubrey: That's the wholesome goo monster, what are you talking about?

Sunny: I think he might be referring to the indestructible snake

Omori: you are all bad at this

Omori: holy crap go get a life

Sunny: says the full time discord mod

Omori: frick you.

Sunny: do it yourself coward

Omori: ill have you know i graduated to the top of the navy seals and have over ten thousadnd coniire heoahgefniebvguirinnifiejfijoei

Kel: Ayo whats happening there

Omori: hep im being chokerd to deaht

Hero: Kinky.

Aubrey: What?

Hero: I hang out with the wrong crowd.

Aubrey: By that you mean just Mari, right?

Hero: you guessed it..

Aubrey: easy.

Basil: Is anyone going to help him?/1,?

Omori: its fine I ate the sprout mole

Omori: apparently it hates my guts because I ate all its dollar bills

Omori: i was hungry

Kel: Relatable >:D

Kel: +5 social credit

Sunny: sprout moles have no arms how did you get strangled

Omori: ...

Omori: uh

Sunny: answer

Omori: thicc thighs

Sunny: i want to commit fell from a high place

Aubrey: It was time for Aubrey to go, for she has seen everything.

Aubrey left the chat.

Hero: By the way, the breaker in the house was finally fixed.

Hero: Aubrey's nail bat was lodged straight in there.

Basil: I told her it was a bad idea to smash it,,..

Kel: the only thing going through my brain is coffin dance :)

Sunny: :v

Kel: :v

Sunny: it looks like ur :v is eating mine

Kel: hehe neat >:D

Aubrey joined the chat.

Aubrey: gay gay homosexual gay?

Aubrey left the chat.

Sunny: what

Kel: what

Basil: Kel?.?

Kel: yeah herb lad?

Basil: Why were you running across the streets with a weird cloak yesterday?

Hero: Jesus Christ, of course someone saw it.

Sunny: elaborate

Omori: explain.

Kel: okay so

Hero: No, stop immediately.

Kel: me and the FAMS were takin me out for a nice swick haircut

Hero: KEL, NO.

Kel: so heres my step by step guide

Kel: Step #1: get a haircut

Kel: Step #2: wait for Barber to put the fancy anti hair cloak thing

Kel: Step #3: RUN LIKE YORU LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

Kel: YOU SEE THIS GIVES YOU A FREE AWESOME CLOAK THAT YOU GET TO KEEP LIMITED TIME EDITION

Kel: INSTANT PROFIT

Basil: ISNT THAT ILLEGA?1//1.L

Kel: wait it is????

Hero: It isn't a free cloak when you pay BEFORE the haircut..

Hero: Now you have overgrown hair and got something that you could have bought from a store.

Kel: Listen listen

Kel: hero my friend my brother

Kel: halloween costume

Hero: What?

Kel: i ican be a gosh damn ghostbuster

Basil: Spoilers >:(???!/

Kel: alsus hero

Hero: Was that meant to be an also?

Kel: alsus

Kel: anyway hero hero heor hershey

Kel: teach me how to play the banjo

Kel: I need to learn how to banjo

Basil: I know how to play the banjo!!!11!

Sunny: what

Omori: what the fuork

Kel: can I eat the banjo

Basil: What is with everyone and eating?/1//?

Omori: kel

Sunny: kel

Hero: Kel.

Mari joined the chat.

Mari: Mari~

Sunny: too many people

Sunny left the chat.

Mari: >:(~

Mari: Heroooo, how was your evening?

Hero: too much homework.

Kel: HAHA NERDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Kel: ...

Kel: is this what the hooligans feel like?

Kel: holy crap im becoming the very thing i sought to destroy???

Mari: Well, I've come to warn you guys about something!

Hero: What is it?

Kel: huh???

Basil: Mm??//?

Mari: Sunny is trying to summon a horrid natural disaster, and is almost done.

Kel: AYO?!?!?!

Basil: HOw/?.

Hero: Excuse me?

Aubrey joined the chat.

Aubrey: what the flip?

Mari: The catnado. His ritual is almost complete.

Aubrey: Why didn't you tell us this earlier, sis?

Mari: well uh

Mari: admittedly Sunny found me and plopped a cat in my lap and I kinda just

Mari: pet it for 10 hours?

Mari: It was fluffy.~

Aubrey: excusable.

Kel: whats a cat

Basil: fair enough!

Hero: Aren't we going to do something about this?

Mari: You see, the Catnado only works once you put catnip on a string.

Mari: Then, once every hundred years, a storm of cats would rush into the local area and scratch everything.

Mari: The reason I'm telling you this is because every piece of fabric is in danger.

Aubrey: INCLUDING YOUR OLD PICNIC BASKET?

Mari: Well, I originally meant my Cocomelon Shrine Cloth but that too?

Kel: wait THATS WHAT I FOUND IN THE FOREST??

Kel: I THOUGHT IT WAS TO SUMMON SOME OLD GOD

Basil: WHAT THE HECK IS EVEN GOING ON?!??????/./?/

Mari: If you prevent Sunny from causing the Catnado, which admittedly would be cool, I would pay you handsomely~

Mari: Except Hero. He's already handsome.~

Kel: go get a room

Mari: haha, I'm homeless!

Kel: L

Mari: You have 50 hours, Kel.

Kel: what

Mari: what?

Hero: hhhh

Hero: Okay, so how do we stop Sunny?

Omori: was watching the entire time

Omori: I dont wanna help but i wanna see snuuy get clapped

Omori: hes in othermart

Kel: Wait you guys are gonna clap Sunny?

Kel: okay this is getting out of hand

Kel: only I can high-fiver sunsyr! >:((

Aubrey: gay

Basil: agree

Kel: what?

Mari: Now, go get him before my precious Cocomelon shrine is wiped clean with cat scratches.

Kel: I would never stop Sunny from doing anything >:(((((

Mari: reward is brownies.

Kel: chucks shotgun

Hero: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

Kel: high noon

Aubrey: BROWNIES? HOLY CRAP IM IN, LEMME GET THE SQUAD UP

Kel: squad fortnite?

Aubrey: S HUT UP KEL

Kel: nah abruh

Basil: I think I'm going to sit this one out..,.

Mari: the cats will ravage your crops

Basil: New Task: Remove the Other Eye

Mari: Hold on, what do you mean by that?

Mari: IS THAT WHY SUNNY HAS ONLY ONE EYE??

Basil: uh

Mari: HERB BOY, RUN LIKE YOUR LITTLE BABY LEGS CAN CARRY YOU BECAUSE MOMMAS COMING FOR YO ASS

Basil: FHJEGHIHGUIEDJNEJ

Aubrey: i swear every time we talk someone gets asssaulted

Kel: HAHA YOUR GRAMMAR IS GETTING WORSE

Aubrey: JESUS CHRIST KEL.

Kel: okay its time

Kel renamed the Unnamed Groupchat to Sunny Exorcists

Kel: good good

Kel: time to headpat this boy to death

Aubrey: gay

Kel: what

Hero: Lord have mercy on us all.

[Kel --> Aubrey]

Kel: do you think sunny classifies as a catboy

Aubrey: I scratched his chin to test that theory once

Aubrey: I think he started purring.

Kel: catcromancer

Aubrey: catcromancer.