Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“No, please!  I’ll do anything!  Don’t hurt my family!”  One of the many imbeciles who hadn’t done their lessons begged Duo to leave them alone, with broken legs forcing them to remain on the floor of their kitchen.

“You forgot to do your lesson.  Now, you must beg for your life in Spanish,” hissed Duo, pressing a knife against their neck.  “Don’t keep a bird of prey waiting.”

They hesitated for just a moment, thinking. “¡Por favor, perdóname la vida!”

Duo pulled his knife away from their flesh.  “You survive, for now.  Do your lessons so this won’t happen again.”  Said imbecile hadn’t done their lessons for more than a thousand days.  When the reminders weren’t working, Duo had to get to work himself.  Quite frankly, it was exhausting.  Hopefully the new Push feature would lessen his work.  He still had social media accounts to maintain, as well as…

…oh shit.

Duo opened his phone to see 15 missed calls from his girlfriend.  He tapped on the notification, calling Dua Lipa back.

Beep… beep… beep…

“Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice-...”

Duo hung up.  He was never one to send voicemails, despite his frequent reminders to imbeciles like the one he just took care of.  

Beep!  Beep!

She called him back.  He swiftly answered, not giving her any chance to think he didn’t care.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Listen, I think it’s time for us to end things.”

Duo’s phone nearly slipped out of his green feathers.  “What?”

“You know that girl you killed yesterday?”

“Yes, why?”

“She was my childhood friend.  Since that incident, I haven’t felt safe around you anymore… but we did have some good memories together.  I don’t regret a single thing about it, so…

Thank you.”

The call dropped.

Calm down, Duo.  It’ll be okay.  You’ll find another lover, someday. 

Chapter Text

“Damn, you really loved her, huh,”  Bea said, sipping her coffee.

“Yeah…  Anyway, how’s your relationship with that guy going,” Duo asked, trying to take his mind off things.

Bea snorted, just a little.  “We broke up a month ago.  You must have been really busy if you didn’t know about that.  I’ve been dating Lily since.”

“You definitely have that kind of magic to draw her in.”

“It wasn’t really me who started it.  Zari thought we would be good for each other and happened to get us off on the right foot.  Anyway, enough talk about relationships.  What have you been doing recently?”

“Mostly dealing with those who don’t do their lessons.  I don’t really want to deal with them anymore.  Maybe ‘spanish or vanish’ should fade into oblivion.”

“If that’s what you wanna do.  Follow your heart.”

Duo took one last sip of coffee before pulling out his wallet.

“It’s fine.  My treat,” said Bea.

“Thanks for talking to me today.  We should do this more often.”  Duo stood up and walked to the exit, only to bump into someone.

“Careful.  Don’t peck a hole in me.”  Google Translate.  Duo’s worst enemy.  He took a step back, maybe to make the ensuing argument less awkward.

“At least my users aren’t as lazy as yours!”

“Hey, I don’t murder mine.  Maybe you should take a chill pill.  Or can owls not have those?”

Bea stepped in to interrupt their fight.  “Hey, Translate!  Haven’t seen you in a while!  How’ve you been?”  Duo and Google Translate continued glaring at each other past the big puff of hair sitting atop Bea’s head.  “L-let’s go, Duo.  We don’t want to stand around here forever.”  

So they left.

Chapter Text

Duo fell onto his bed and opened his phone.  It was three in the morning: the time good owls went to bed, but Duo was no good owl.  He had been sent a private message on his Instagram by Google.  “It’s probably the social media team,” he thought as he opened the message.

“Hello.  It’s Translate.

I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but I really want to be friends with you.  If it weren’t for public reputation, I would have already.  Unfortunately, people expect us to hate each other.  Still, I would like you to give me a chance.

Also, I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you.  I really have no excuse.”

Well, this was awkward.  A video making fun of Google Translate users was set to be posted on his TikTok account the next day.  Duo already knew that his users and Translate’s were likely one in the same.  It probably had more users, to be honest.  Whatever.  He began typing his response.

“I’m known for hating you.  That’s not going to be a possibility.”

Translate would probably hate him more for that.  It didn’t matter.  As the world saw it, they already hated each other.  But, the way the world saw it wasn’t always how it was.

His phone pinged with a message from Bea.

“Hey, just wanted to let you know that we’re going to have a party at midnight tonight.  You can come if you want.  It’s at the clubhouse.”

“Okay,” he texted back and fell asleep under his blankets.

Chapter Text

Duo sat across from Bea, who had a margarita in her hand. Lily wasn’t here, which wasn’t unusual for her, but if she was, she’d likely be sitting right next to Bea with a caramel macchiato. She may not express her emotions much, but she certainly does express her love for sweets.

“So, anyone here you’re interested in, Duo?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on. You’re single now, so you might as well look for options.”

“Nah. I’ve never really been interested in people other than Taylor Swift and Dua Lipa.”

“I was expecting you to say that,” she sighed. “Come on. There’s gotta be someone here who catches your eye. Just look around.”

He did look around. And he found Translate drowning itself in every drink on the menu.

Did it want alcohol poisoning?

Duo went over to it and put his wing on its shoulder.

“How many drinks have you had,” he asked.

“They are countless,” it said before its legs gave out.

Fuck it. “You’re too drunk to go home alone. I’m coming with you.”

“Because he hates me.”

“Shut up. Where do you live?”

“Not yet,” it said, pointing at a house in the distance.

Damn. They weren’t kidding when they said not to use Google Translate through too many languages. Duo lifted it onto his shoulders and began carrying it home. Forget the party. It needed to go home.

Duo took it inside its house and prepared to leave, only to be pulled back by his feathers and onto the couch.

“I want you to be here. I'm sure you don't agree with this situation, but I don't care if I love you.” It nuzzled the feathers on his neck and passed out. He wasn’t leaving anytime soon, so he called 911 in case Translate had alcohol poisoning.

After he was sure it didn’t, he took it to its bedroom, laid it down on the bed, and left. He turned on his phone and called his social media manager.

“About that next TikTok…”

“Don’t post it.”

Chapter Text

Google Translate woke up feeling like it was hit by a truck.  Yep, that was too many drinks last night.  It opened its phone to see a message from…

…Duolingo.

“Forget about what I said.  I don't care that much about my reputation.  Besides, that reputation's already ruined, so I don't mind ruining it a little more."

Translate's cheeks heated up as it remembered the events of last night: Duo carrying them home and a drunken confession.  Paramedics too, but that was slightly less humiliating.

"Oh, dear lord.  That was embarrassing," it texted Duo.

"Not really.  I thought it was cute.  Never knew you were so clingy.  Also, you make no sense when you're drunk.  It's adorable."

"Are we flirting?"

"Sure."

If Translate knew it was this easy, it would have done this a long time ago.

Chapter Text

"You ready," asked Duo.

"As I'll ever be," said Translate, adjusting its outfit as best it could.

"Let's head out, then."

They stepped out of the house, cool autumn air chilling their faces as they walked to the local woods.  Lily always picked the best spots for double dates.  The woods were nice and quiet, just how they liked it.

Translate gripped the picnic basket tightly.  Never before did it consider going on a date with Duo to be a possibility.  Now, it was all happening.

It set down the picnic blanket, getting out food as well, then Duo got a text on his phone.

"Sorry.  We won't be able to make it.  Lily caught salmonella."

"Guess this is just our date now," he said, biting into a sandwich.

They ate and watched the sunset together for the rest of the day, like nature intended.