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It was the sort of night that made Kenji want to nestle into Shirou’s chest and pretend that they were in some kind of romantic movie. The rain was lashing the windows, and Kenji kept making happy little noises to himself as he dozed in Shirou’s right side. It was rare for him to spend the whole night in Kenji’s room.
He could sense that Shirou was appreciating the coziness too, although no one else would’ve ever been able to tell. Kenji had spent years figuring out how to decipher Shirou, and by the imperceptible smile on his face as he scrolled on his phone, Kenji could tell that Shirou was as happy as could be.
Kenji didn’t want to spoil the moment. Absentmindedly, he began to fiddle with the cotton of Shirou’s t-shirt.
“Shirou-san…” He began, in the singsong voice he knew was Shirou’s weakness.
“Hm?” Shirou replied - a deep and sonorous sound that made Kenji’s heart flutter. He didn’t take his eyes off his phone.
“Um…can we talk about kids?”
Shirou stopped scrolling and his body tensed. Beneath his hand, Kenji could feel his partner’s breath hitch slightly in his chest.
“What about them?” Shirou said, pretending to be casual.
Kenji sat up and batted him softly on the cheek. “Don’t be silly.” He said, before settling back down and exhaling heavily.
“Okay, okay. Let’s talk.”
“I just wanted to ask…if we were allowed to have children…would you want to have children with me?”
The paused that followed, in which Shirou contemplated and his eyes began to glaze over, was one of the longest of Kenji’s life. He was afraid of what was about to come out of Shirou’s mouth. It could be something so small, but Kenji knew he would take it deeply to heart, good or bad.
“Yeah.” Shirou said, at last. “Yeah, I think so.”
Kenji flushed with delight and disbelief. “Really?“
“Yeah. We’d have to move into a bigger place, though. That would cost a lot. Kids are expensive, you know.”
How typical of Shirou, to be thinking of the costs already. But Kenji wasn’t annoyed, he couldn’t repress his smile. He placed his head onto Shirou’s chest, and breathed in his smell with a contented sigh.
“I think we could stay here!” Kenji said. “We could work it out. You move permanently into my room, since it’s bigger, and then the baby could have your room.”
“Hm. Maybe. We’d have to get a double bed for our room, and then it would be a squeeze.”
Kenji had to repress a squeal of delight at the words ‘our room’.
“I think we could do it. Oh my god, I would decorate that baby’s room with my entire soul. It would be a baby paradise.” Kenji brushed the top of his head, the pleasant scratch of his hair, against Shirou’s chin. “Adoption or surrogacy, though?”
“Hm.” Shirou considered again, and finally put down his phone properly. “Well, proper fertility treatment would be nice, but adoption is the cheaper option. And you know that you’re doing a good thing by giving a baby a good life. Surrogacy is incredibly expensive.”
“Hmm…” Kenji raised his face to look Shirou in the eye. “I get that. Adoption would be lovely…but I’d love our baby to look like us.”
Shirou smiled at this, and Kenji could see a faint pink blush blossoming on his cheeks. “That would be nice.”
He put his arm - strong and solid - around Kenji’s shoulders and pulled him in closer. “Boy or girl?” He murmured.
“I don’t mind.” Kenji replied. “But a girl would be nice. Then I could brush her hair and style it and braid it and all sorts. That would be lovely.”
“I think any little girl would be very happy to have a hairdresser for a dad.” Shirou said, and they both chuckled.
Unexpectedly, Shirou raised the hand that wasn’t around Kenji’s shoulders and brushed his palm tenderly across the other man’s cheek, appreciating the familiar feel of the stubble.
“You would be a wonderful father.” Shirou said.
Kenji couldn’t hide the tears as they rushed into his eyes. He simply nodded, and patted Shirou’s chest.
“You’d be a wonderful father, too.” He said, voice thick with completely unselfconscious emotion.
Shirou withdrew the arm from Kenji’s shoulders, and turned onto his side, so as to face Kenji more directly. He folded in on himself slightly, as he always did when he was being vulnerable.
“Sorry that I don’t talk about that stuff very often.” He murmured into the sheets, his voice quiet and reserved. “It just makes me sad, thinking about all the things we might never get to have. Even though we deserve them.”
“I know.” Kenji replied.
“We’ll probably be too old to have kids if a law is ever passed. We’re both almost fifty. I…I think about it sometimes. That the time for that has passed. It’s sad.”
Kenji pulled the sheets high up over their shoulders, so that they were both thoroughly swaddled and cozy. “But hey…” He began, putting on that winning smile. “There’s still a good chance we’ll be able to get married in our lifetime!”
“Kenji…even if it takes until we’re one hundred and we’re in our rocking chairs, I will marry you.” Shirou said, his eyes sleepy and full of love in the faint, fluorescent light of the room.
Kenji was taken aback, he wasn’t used to such candid expressions of love from Shirou, far from it. He stumbled over his words for a second before gathering himself, and placing a warm, comforting hand on Shirou’s neck.
“Thank you for talking to me about this.” Kenji whispered. “I love you.”
Gently, he kissed Shirou on the mouth. Shirou - who would have usually pulled back in embarrassment - instead leaned into Kenji’s touch.
“Sleep.” Kenji said, and Shirou gave him one final, adoring smile, before throwing an arm across Kenji’s waist and closing his eyes.
Yet another barrier broken down, one of the biggest of all. Kenji took a moment to kiss Shirou’s forehead, before he too fell asleep, the two of them surrounded by the sheets, the rain, and the faint glow of the Tokyo lights.