Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.” Ezra’s eyes were fixed on Kanan through the doorway, his mind working furiously.

“Yes, I do,” Ahsoka said calmly. “You can’t save–”

“We just have to hold back the flames long enough to pull him through the door!” Ezra interrupted. “I’ve been thinking about this for days – replaying this moment in my head – there is time!”

“Ezra–”

“I can do this!”

He stopped listening to Ahsoka. Closing his eyes, Ezra reached forwards with the Force, through the doorway to where Kanan stood. Both of his master’s arms were outstretched, one holding back the flames that were licking their way up the cracked fuel pod and the other holding back a desperate, frantic Hera. Ezra could feel the fire’s energy, the intensity of it, and was struck with the same awe he had been when he’d lived this night for the first time. Kanan was holding this inferno back one-handed. He, Ezra, would only be able to do that for a few seconds.

He got ready to pull.

Kanan turned to face away from the blaze and used all his strength to push Hera and the patrol transport out of harm’s way. That was Ezra’s moment. He braced himself to hold the flames back and pulled on Kanan, stumbling as the sudden intensity of the explosion his master had been restraining hit him. He felt Kanan come flying towards the doorway with more speed and less effort than he expected – Ahsoka was helping him.

A split second later Kanan’s body struck him and Ezra crumpled under the impact. He lost his focus, feeling the fireball expand unrestrained. Flames filled the doorway’s line of sight, but none came through.

“Kanan!” Hera’s broken cry still came through over the roar of the inferno, as well as another sound – was that a howling wolf? Then it all faded; the door had closed.

“Kanan?” Ezra groaned, winded.

He shoved Kanan off with a grunt and rolled over. Ahsoka came to stand beside him.

“Kanan?”

He hadn’t moved. Ezra grabbed his shoulders and shook, but the scarred eyes remained closed.

“Kanan! Wake up!”

Ezra felt Ahsoka’s hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think we were supposed to do that,” she said. Her voice was the same calm, even tone it had been before, but there was a slight shakiness to it now.

“What do you mean? We saved him!”

“Use your senses, Ezra. What do you feel?”

For the first time, doubt spiked Ezra’s heart. He sat back on his heels and closed his eyes, reaching out through the Force to his master. He ignored the way the Force seemed closer in this place, and how strangely devoid of life it felt; he focused only on Kanan, and on the bright beacon that was his presence.

Except… It wasn’t as bright as it had been before. It wasn’t darker, exactly, but it was somehow… Less. Like it was missing something.

“What – what happened?” Ezra asked, starting to feel afraid. “What’s wrong with him?”

Ahsoka looked uncertain. “I don’t know.”

They were interrupted from saying anything further by a distant rumbling sound.

Ahsoka was immediately alert. “We can’t stay here. You opened the door to this world. Do you know how to close it?”

“Sabine will know,” Ezra replied. “We can do it together. They’ll be so happy to see you and Kanan.” He started moving around Kanan, getting his arms under his shoulders to lift him.

Ahsoka made no move to help. “I can’t go with you, and I don’t think Kanan should either.”

“What?” Ezra froze in surprise. “No, I can’t leave him. I can’t leave either of you after I just–”

“You’ll see us both again. But I have a feeling we should all return to the real world through the doorway we came through.” She bent to help him with Kanan. “I’ll help you put Kanan back into the wreckage of that explosion, and then I must return to Malachor.”

“Alright. I trust your feelings.” They picked up Kanan’s unconscious form between them and moved back towards the doorway. It started to open as they approached, onto the rubble that gleamed in the light of the two moons. “When I’m back, I’ll go straight to the factory to get him back. It’s only been a few days, and we didn’t see any stormtroopers checking the ruins. How will I find you?”

“Perhaps I can…”

They both turned to see a strange blue light coming from a distant doorway. In unison, they turned to each other and reached an unspoken understanding. Quickly yet gently Kanan was lowered to the ground beyond the doorway and to relative safety.

Then, Ezra and Ahsoka ran.

—

Hera was working on maintenance. That’s what she was telling herself. It didn’t matter that there hadn’t been anything wrong with the caf machine before she’d started; it was always playing up, there was bound to be some part of it that needed fixing. That it was a useful distraction from the grief that clawed at her insides and threatened to drown her from within was only a bonus. She wouldn’t take apart a perfectly functioning piece of machinery just to avoid being left alone with her thoughts. That was ridiculous.

She heard the sound of the Phantom’s engines outside and put down her tools. That would be Ezra and Zeb returning, and she was curious what they had been doing. As soon as they’d all returned to the Ghost from the incident at the Jedi Temple (or the area where the Temple had formerly stood) Ezra had been acting strange. He’d insisted on going on some mission that was vitally important but he’d refused to give anyone any details, including the only person he would allow to come with him.

As Hera stood up to leave the galley she realised she could hear the shuttle landing outside. That was strange – why wouldn’t Ezra dock with the Ghost? She gladly let the mystery of Ezra’s behaviour consume her thoughts as she walked down the ramp.

Outside, Ezra was emerging from the back hatch of the Phantom. He had a slightly dazed expression on his face, like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Behind him Zeb was following, holding something in his arms. That would explain the landing – it was often awkward to get cargo down the ladder.

Actually, was that cargo? It looked like–

Ezra stood aside to give her full view of what – or who – Zeb was holding. Hera gasped.

“Is that – is he –”

“He’s alive,” Ezra said.

Hera let out a strangled sob and ran forward. His name caught at the back of her throat, unable to come out. She reached Zeb but her hands hovered over the body in his arms, unsure of where to go – there were no visible injuries, not even burns. Half of her wanted to touch all of him at once, and the other half was scared that if she did, her hands would pass right through and he wouldn’t be real. Eventually they settled on his face, and a soft cry escaped her lips as her fingers brushed warm skin. Kanan was alive.

“He won’t wake up,” Ezra continued, and Hera could hear traces of a scared little boy in his voice. “And I don’t know why.”

“He’ll wake up.” She swallowed. “He has to wake up.” If she said it confidently enough; if they all believed it hard enough…

“What do we do with him?” Zeb asked.

Hera could feel the maelstrom of emotions building inside of her, but there was no time for that now. Her crew needed her. Kanan needed her.

“Take him to his bunk. There’s not much we can do for him right now – we can’t even get off Lothal. But he’ll be safe there.”

Zeb started walking, but Hera was unwilling to let go of Kanan. She ended up walking backwards, the three of them awkwardly manoeuvering through the Ghost until they reached Kanan’s bunk. As they passed Sabine’s room she heard the faint sound of music and the hiss of spray paints. She couldn’t wait to tell Sabine.

Hera only needed a little nudging from Zeb to move out of the way so that he could put Kanan down. She desperately wanted to go back to him, to lay down next to him and physically feel his body next to hers, warm and alive and here. But she held herself back, and when Ezra called to her from the corridor she went out to speak to him.

“Hera – about Lothal…” he began. “I have a plan.”

He gave her a serious look.

“I know how we can get rid of the Empire for good.”

—

Kanan woke up.

It took a few moments for him to register that there was anything wrong with that. He was lying in his own bunk, with the Ghost’s engines a quiet background hum and the distant sounds of other people coming from elsewhere in the ship. Then he moved his head slightly and felt the short stubble on his head and the air moving against the bare skin of his chin.

He was awake.

The last thing he remembered was the heat. The intense, searing heat of the burning fuel, and the light… it had been so bright. And he had seen it. For a few moments, he had seen. He could remember Ezra and Hera’s faces, the sight of them blissful and yet heart-wrenching at the same time. Ezra’s eyes had been wide with horror, and Hera’s beautiful face had been twisted in agony.

When the wolves had told him that he was going to die, he’d known it would hit his family hard. But he also knew how strong they were, Hera most of all, and how they would help each other through it. At least they would be alive to get through it, he had told himself. That was all that mattered to him.

So how was he alive too?

He sat up. He was still blind, that much was obvious. Whatever had allowed him to have those few moments of vision just before he’d let go of the flames had apparently been temporary. He ran a hand over his face; no burns, just the old scar over his eyes. Physically he felt fine. He felt around the bunk, feeling how the blanket over him was rumpled and folded back beside him, as though someone else had at one point been sleeping next to him. He swung his legs out to stand on the floor, and that was then he realised what was missing.

The Force was gone.

The vast web that connected him to the universe, the energy that constantly flowed around and through him, the extra senses that helped him to see without his eyes – it was all gone. How could that happen? Was it somehow related to his miraculous survival? Had he somehow given up his Force abilities in order to return to his family?

He wouldn’t find the answers by staying here. Carefully, he made his way to the door. He didn’t need the Force for this; the interior of the Ghost was as familiar to him as his own body. Out in the corridor he could tell that the sounds of people were coming from the cockpit, so that was where he directed himself.

He reached the end of the corridor through the crew quarters and stood before the door to the cockpit. Through it he could hear Ezra’s voice, though it sounded strange – tinny, as though coming from a hologram. He hit the door controls.

“I couldn’t have wished for a better family. I can’t wait to come home.”

He recognised the sound of static cutting out, as though a recording had been switched off, and Kanan remembered the other things the wolves had shown him. What would happen to his family after he was gone. What his sacrifice would allow to happen. They must have done it – Lothal was free, and Ezra was gone.

No-one seemed to have noticed his entrance; he assumed they were still recovering from Ezra’s message.

“Did I go a bit too hard on the self-sacrifice stuff?”

He heard the rustle of five heads turning towards him.

“Kanan!” Sabine’s overjoyed shout came from the co-pilot’s side of the cockpit, but he didn’t hear her move. Instead, he heard the familiar creak of the pilot’s chair and braced himself a moment before someone was throwing herself bodily into his arms.

He held her as tightly as she gripped him, her face pressed against his, their tears mingling on their cheeks. After a few moments, Kanan drew back enough to stroke a hand reverently over her cheek.

“You’re alive,” Hera whispered, her voice breaking as more tears began to flow.

“I’m alive,” he murmured back, doing his best to wipe them away with his thumb.

“And you’re okay!”

He could feel her cheeks forming a smile under his palm. “Well, I can’t see you any more.”

“What have I told you, love,” she said, but didn’t give him a chance to answer. Her hand cupped his face as she pulled him down for a kiss.

Their moment on the fuel pod didn’t seem that long ago, yet the kiss was the sweetest Kanan could remember. He could have spent forever in that moment with Hera.

“Okay, that’s enough of that!” Sabine called, and Kanan heard the others finally moving towards him.

He felt Hera let go reluctantly, though she kept one hand on the small of his back as the rest of his family moved in for their reunions. Sabine wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, Zeb almost cracked his ribs with his crushing embrace, Rex gave him several slaps on the back with his and even Mart Mattin came in for a hug. Everyone was talking excitedly over each other, exclamations and questions filling the air, none of which Kanan knew how to answer.

One voice that caught his ear, however.

“At the end of his message, what Ezra said…” he heard Sabine say. “‘I’m counting on you’. Do you think he means to go after him?”

Kanan didn’t know who she was talking to, but he answered anyway.

“I think he does. And I think I know where you should start looking.”