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Chapter Text

I’ve carried much shame in my life. Inherited shame, of Archbishop Thordan, of my nation’s failure to act during the 7th Calamity. The greatest to date, one I could never hope to redeem myself from, was the way that I left her.

I wrote to her daily. Some messages simply information about the progress of the housing district, others longer to describe the things I would do next we met. Those failed to illicit a response, and I wondered if our distance had given her pause.

I had neglected my duties. My travels to Alliance meetings extended by an another hour, another day. I would return to the aetherite plaza with tousled hair and loose armor, citing aetherite sickness. I had begun keeping her things with me. Incense burning in my office, her paintings displayed in frames. Missives sent past their due date in favor of admiring the brushstrokes, my late arrival to meetings as I laid in her bed to smell her sweat before the scent faded away.

Many trusted me, electing me to the newest and highest office. A smaller number, no smaller in their strength, doubted my worthiness of the position. I was no stranger to this. What sort of man becomes Lord Commander of the Temple Knights? One who comes from good stock. I did not, yet there I was. I had become shrewd and measured, I was asked to be more than any other man if I wanted to hold my place.

–

It began subtly, so subtly that I missed every warning. Emmanellain suffered indignities among his peers, snide comments about the quality of his house’s integrity. Questions about our previous support to Revenant’s Toll, about our soldiers’ commitment to Ala Mhigo’s war came to light. My initiatives failed, by one vote more each time. A number of adventurers were expelled from our city, citing a conclusion to their work on the Firmament and a lack of documentation for residency beyond their temporary labor.

Before I could grasp the gravity of it, a visitor arrived at the Congregation.

–

As I stood to greet him, Ser Valhourdin made his way to my desk. He refused to meet my eyes, instead taking interest in the framed painting I kept with me. He held it indelicately, twirling it between his fingers until he stopped to gaze at Rhalgr. He scowled, placing it back.

“Merde! To be taken in by unreliable allies and left to lead a city without your father’s guidance. It is all a shame.”

“I beg your pardon?”, I had enjoyed the straightforwardness of my friends for many moons, I bristled at the backhandedness that was once familiar to me.

“Oh, come. You have become curt. The common language lacks the elegance of our mother tongue. It follows that the Eorzeans speak indelicately. As you prefer, I will speak to you so.” his face spread with what I have learned to call 'a shit eating grin’.

“It is no secret that I resent you and your republic. I have long wondered how the young Lord of house Borel, a bastard at that, could be seen in place of Zepherin. He was a man of good stock, one in a long line of Temple Knights. Each bead in our rosary, ripped off the string. Replaced by less worthy men, and now roi des cons”, he spat onto the floor next to my feet.

I held my silence. Zepherin had taken much from me. I remembered every insult, every indignity. I would not allow his father to take more.

“You have allowed the words of a foreign whore to cloud your mind. From her lips to your ears, and unto the Holy See. It will not be condoned. Though the Brotherhood of the True Faith may have failed, the intent in their actions grows within the hearts of your countrymen.”

I tensed my body, fists clenched at my sides. I struggled to keep my silence at his cruelty, I would not let him have my emotions. He reached across my desk to place a firm hand on my shoulder and whispered into my ear, “If you cannot be killed in the Vault or on the streets, I will kill you in all the ways that truly matter.”

–

Requests came, each of which I wholeheartedly refused. My vote to reduce our military commitment to our allies and a reinstatement of our isolationist policies. When all was finished, there would be no housing for adventurers, reduced trade to other city-states’ retainers, and no citizenship for those born outside of Ishgard.

I questioned the nature of the requests. I had taken a dagger to the ribs for those who disagreed with my politics, but I had won many changed hearts in return. Could there truly be so many who regretted our course? When the truth of it was revealed to me, my scar ached as if the knife tore through my flesh once more.

The next I saw Ser Valhourdin, it was not within the Congregation but my own home.

“A visitor, my Lord. He is quite insistent.” Mielle called from beyond the doors of my study.

Valhourdin found his own way in as Mielle eyed me with concern. I nodded to her silent plea to leave the horrid man’s presence. My scar ached as I felt the dagger approaching once more.

“Lavette, you have disappointed me so!” he shouted against the slamming of the heavy oaken door. “You could have given our requests an onze of consideration.”

“They were not worth a moment.”

“Still, you insist. I will speak plain once more given your love of indelicate words. You have played both Lord Commander and politician for too long, your silly game costing much. You will be allowed to stay on so long as a course correction is in place.”

“A course correction?”

I could feel the blade readying in his mind, preparing to find its’ way to my core. “Your interests within the Holy See have been determined. You will present initiatives for vote, the prepared documents will arrive to you tomorrow. There will be no argument against them, I assure you.”

“As I have seen, you seem to have bought my colleague’s silence with the same methods your Zepherin would have used.”

Valhourdin errupted, closing the distance between us as splitting pain broke out across my face. He lowered his open hand, “You will not speak his name. You will never hold my son’s name in your mouth. You have played your silly game for long enough, you will pay for all we have lost and much more.”

His eyes were wild with grief, giving way to delight. He held the knife above me, ready to strike. “You are not wrong, roi des cons. Torture is the surest method. But truly, there is no more potent torture than uncertainty. To not know the safety of your loved ones? Your colleagues have taken this to heart.”

“If this torture has succeeded with the Houses, what is in store for me if I choose not to comply?”

“Ah- impatient once again. Let me finish. I concede, the beast of Garlemald has been awoken and Ishgard has been seen among the fools eager to rouse it. I am not ignorant to the fact that Garlemald has designs on Coerthas, and they would arrive on our doorstep at some time. However, we must compensate for the early war you have wrought. You will be allowed to continue your role among the Alliance as seen fit by the Holy See.”

“Your communications will be monitored. If your putain de lumière is seen to assist you in this matter or your foreign allies become aware of the situation, you may find yourself uncertain of their safety. Your Lua is fond of fullflower mead, is she not?”

The dagger flew, meeting its’ mark. Valhourdin grabbed me by my collar, gazed directly into my eyes as he said “For the vulgarity of her language, it was rather sweet how she put it in her missives. 'to pass from nature into eternity’. The knives above everyone you love, within and without the Holy See, dangle above them waiting to drop if you fail.”

He let go of my scruff as I breathed shallow breaths. He had intercepted her missives, what else could he know? There was no secret I could hold, no safety I could offer in ignorance of his reach.

“Has my grand speech won your compliance?”

I held my silence.

“A grimace is not an answer, boy.”

“I will do what I must.”

–

I weighed my options. If I continued this dreadful course, I could hold my commitment to our allies. I could refuse, warn my allies of the interference and seek their support. Even if I could reach them without my messages being interfered, could I reach them before a plan for retaliation had begun?

Lua’s face entered my mind. I tried to imagine her loving me still if I had robbed Ala Mhigo and Doma of aid. I could not fathom that she would let me hold her face nor kiss my hands as I told her that her friends’ bodies lay broken in the fields of Gyr Abania because I had failed. What I could imagine, in cruel detail, was her own body broken. Passing from nature into eternity, frightened and confused from an assassin’s poison. She had been poisoned before, simply to punish her for her part in my work. She was more careful now, but were they all? Did Alphinaud or Alisae consume whatever drink offered them among friends? Did Lyse or Tataru accept meals gratefully without question in their travels?

I could not bear the vision in my mind’s eye to come to pass, I could not give it any chance.

–

My movements and my missives were monitored as promised. I had not been allowed any time, no passage to Othard to say any words to her myself. No time to ask for her presence for the last intimate discussion we might have. My last letter to her, vague and cruel. I fought the dark images in my mind, picturing instead her body below the weight of mine, coming out of doubt and to life with pleasure.

I thought of her swiftly cutting through the Heaven’s Ward beside me in the vault, dancing atop a table at the Forgotten Knight. Helpless to her own laughter, clutching me to stay upright in the Pillars at night. I passed the envelope to the post moogle, praying to Halone that I would see her alive again.

Chapter Text

I would see her again, alive, as we met with the Eorzean Alliance and our new comrades from the East. I saw her in the stone Ala Mhigan quarter, her hair longer now. Half of it braided behind her head, some still falling into her eyes. Rushing up the steps, early to the meeting, almost dancing. She wore the deepest red, a dress in a fashion I hadn't seen before.

I saw the reason for her eagerness. I had heard of the prince of Doma, lost to time existing only in memory until now. Shorter than I, wrapped in more muscle than I. He gleamed with sweat, glistening along the tanned arm that he brushed across her. He leaned into her, a smile blooming across her face. I wondered if she laid in his bed at night, playing her strange music as he read her stories aloud. Perhaps he'd seen the other books in her bag, the ones I hadn't had time to lay eyes on.

--

He was well studied, and a stalwart ally. Kind eyes, but formidable nonetheless. Across from them both, I admired his furs, wondering if he had felled each beast himself. She loathed being powerful and admired. In private, she loved to feel small in the arms of someone strong.

His words passed through my ears without much retention. The shape of his lips as he said her name, I could smell her on his breath. Roses and the musk of their sweat clouded my mind as I feared every embrace they may have had, more intimate than the one I saw that day. Words spilled out of my own mouth, polite. Giving as little of myself as I could, aware of the eyes on me friendly or no. My eyes caught hers as she slipped out of the room, surrounded by Yanxian comrades in similar dress. My own face, red again in her presence as I realized she was not mine. She had gone off again, performing her miracles for someone else. Another man standing proud of his champion, victorious and wearing his colors.

I held my convictions, remembering Valhourdin's promise to monitor my engagements with the Scions and the Alliance. I spoke as honestly as I could, as carefully as I could. Still, I felt a powerful relief to be in the company of friends without ulterior motives if only for a day. As I turned to leave at the end of our discussions, Hien extended a hand to me, "A shake, as Eorzeans are wont to do!"

I excused myself from him, catching the door before she disappeared. I asked her to speak with me, she had places to be, I insisted on walking her to her destination. To the city gates at least, I pleaded.

She finally stopped to hear me after she lost her way, red faced and frustrated confused by the maze of the Ala Mhigan quarter. "Please stop. I just wished to speak with you."

"Your missive was clear enough, I think we covered everything else in the meeting. Nation building and friendship, as you wished." she spat, turning away from me.

I reached for her hand as she acquiesced to my touch. “My missive was cruel and thoughtless. I only ever wish to speak to you as myself. Not as Lord Commander, not Lord Speaker. Just as myself. I couldn’t then, and I promise you will have the truth one day.” She pulled her hand away with a grimace and disappeared past the gates.

The next morning, three Temple Knights failed to arrive at their posts. Two were brothers, all three had trained with me as squires. One was found in the Brume. He feared Halone with much fervor, he was one of the most pious men I knew, but still he was found in a place he would never deign to be of his own volition. The other two were found outside the Gates of Judgement, fallen to wild beasts it was said. I had spoken privately to her for just a moment, yet retribution was swift.

I apologize if I am curt in my description of this time. Again, I have carried much shame in my life but truly, this was the greatest.

--

Ishgard continued on in some measure of chaos. I fielded meetings with Francel, poor Francel. He failed to understand why I would walk back my commitment to housing for adventurers and the citizenship required for their long term residence in our city. Count Edmont visited frequently for some time, eagerly seeking information about how my courtship with his ward was playing out. His questions stopped after my speech in the House of Lords, prepared for me, explaining my deep regret for allowing foreign intervention in the affairs of our nation. I slept little, ate even less.

A number of adventurers were expelled from our city, citing a conclusion to their work on the Firmament. A not so small number of adventurers had spilled into the city after the conclusion of the Dragonsong War, eager for work and new sights. So much time had passed that engagements, marriages, births had taken place. The birth registries were invalidated retroactively, our nascent citizens declined a homeland. Many Ishgardians chose to leave, seeking the acceptance of other nations, better nations as they spat at me in the streets. Another speech, prepared for me, attempted to quell the anger of our city explaining that housing for adventurers was not feasible and their continued residency would not be possible without such housing.

I talked in nonsensical loops, dancing around each question begged of me. Nothing but the truth would make sense. I wanted to scream that truth in the aetherite plaza, but Ser Valhourdin loomed large everywhere I went. His dagger hung over my friends as they planned for the assault on Doma Castle, many pieces laid carefully. Their aims to bring Doma's might to Gyr Abania, a show of strength to drive Garlemald from their lands and hopefully allay any aspiration to infringe on our own realm.

In the days that followed, the woman who accosted me in the street some years ago sought me out. She was no longer on the streets with her child, instead enjoying a new home in the Firmament. She tore into me with the most cutting words she could find. The adventurers had given her a home, the renewed trade had given her a business to feed her child. I had promised, she wept as she slammed her fists into my desk. I had promised that I would protect us all. I was grateful when she left before I could speak, there was nothing truthful I could say to her.

--

The Alliance campaign in Ala Mhigo continued, giving me the passion and purpose I craved. I spent more time away from Ishgard, opting for meetings with our allies and brokering peace with the beast tribes of Ok' Zundu. I relished my time away from home. My guilt for leaving my all consuming love waned, I left the Holy See to the fate of men who believed themselves better and wiser than me.

I found myself speaking truthfully, powerfully. I felt freedom I hadn't felt since I was a Temple Knight, fighting alongside my comrades in the fields of Gyr Abania. New winds on my face, breathing new life into my lungs. There was nothing to speak but the truth, only plain descriptions of what was. The brutality of it all, the hope tucked in many moments. I understood why any adventurer would choose this, that this was the love coming before all others for so many of them. Adventure was an easy lover, embracing all kinds. She let me dance with her every day, never turning up her nose at me. She never asked me to withhold the truth threatening to burst from my heart.

I began to see the fear that undercut my love for Ishgard. She was a beautiful woman, holding me at arms' length as I begged for her touch. I needed desperately to prove my worth, that I was not from good stock but made of something equal. What great feat would make her embrace me if my acts thus far weren't enough? What title would impress her? I had shed my blood and my integrity to keep her confidence. I had given her years of my life, forsaken anyone who attempted to offer their love in her place. How much was left for her to take?

I could not allow her more. Just as I could not allow Valhourdin, she could take no more. If I held my silence a moment longer, I could not be the ally any nation asked me to be. I could not be the friend anyone wished me to be. I could not be the person I needed myself to be. Every day I spoke unrestricted, the truth in my heart beating loudly for all in the room to hear, I saw the life I needed. Not shorn of my dignity or my passions, not denied another year of precious time.

--

Estinien was a hard man to find when needed, but I sought his counsel regardless. When he finally arrived to me, I took great but necessary risk allowing myself to go missing from the eyes of the Holy See for short periods of time to meet with him. Lucia allowed herself the same, along with our trusted few in the Temple Knights. We spoke plainly. I gave him the brutality of our moment, the hope tucked away for Ishgard free of these schemes. I told him how much my great love had taken from me, and what precious little I must protect.

--

Evidence was assembled slowly. Ser Valhourdin's reach was revealed to me as we questioned all we could. Few wanted to speak to us, rejecting small missives passed below tables. I did not know how many of us there were until Estinien gathered them together, through what means I have not had the heart to ask him.

We met in plain sight, loudly interjecting notes about the day's business for any attentive ears seeking the truth of our conversation. I learned of the ransoms paid by each. One Lord was pressed to publicly disavow his child for marrying an adventurer and siring non-citizens. A member of the house of Commons sold her vote, promising to vote as the Lords wished so long as their retainer would be allowed to stay within the city. Her wife required specialized medicine only available from Thavnair's alchemists. She failed to attend a vote losing a day to sickness, an honest mistake. That week, an embargo was placed on Thavnairan goods.

Ser Valhourdin's lust for blood and swift punishment would prove to be his downfall. There would be no silence, only justice. Our trusted few grew to many ready to turn the dagger back onto him. We knew what we risked, but if we moved swiftly, we could prevent the worst outcome. I thought of the horrible visions of weeks past, my comrades meeting early deaths. I fought it away, out of my mind. I replaced the vision with their faces, bright and victorious after trusting in me before.

--

When we arrived at the Vault, I considered the humor of the fact that it was not me locked away below. It was Ser Valhourdin, scheming in a decrepit basement. Lucia joined my side, drawing steel with Valhourdin's many accomplices. Estinien moved from the shadows, clearing a passage to the offices within the depths of the Vault.

When I found the man, I expected to find him prepared to strike me down. He looked up at my calmly from a table, ale in hand. "King of fools, come to strike down an old man?" he said into his drink. "No one fears you any longer, Valhourdin." I said, my confidence wavering. We were all aware of the depths of his treachery, all moved to act. Yet, I still feared him. Small failures rewarded with death, what might this act earn us?

"I think you will find ta putain de lumière to be matched in the coming battle. A peerless warrior, they say. We will test if that is the case."

I raised Naegling above my head, both hands vibrating with rage. I howled as the blade lowered, burying itself into the table. I would not let him take any more from me. He would not have my fury, nor my dignity. I would not betray mine own principles for the satisfaction of cutting him down. He would have justice.

--

Ishgard did not immediately return to its' course, many felt the unsteady ground below us. Our nascent republic was held by a weak foundation. Our confidence was shaken, unsure that we could press on without the doubts of some dragging us all back to theocracy. We took our time, speaking more plain than I ever believed we could. Many spoke to their fears of a changed Ishgard, many more spoke to the hope of what we could be. Our honesty gave way to trust, paving the foundation a strong republic requires.

The chains that had bound my communications and actions no longer bound me. I felt the shame of my silence, but I knew that I did what I could with what I had. I called an audience with my allies and spoke truthfully. Powerfully, I hope. My honesty earned forgiveness, and it birthed a new promise to earn trust. To be the ally they so deserved.

In our parley with Emperor Varis zos Galvus, I spoke earnestly once again. My words did not affect him as I hoped, and he spoke to my nation's failings. His words rang truer than he knew. I wore my shame without the dread I had known shame to bring before, but with the commitment to be worthy of the world we dreamt of. To be worthy of what we had tried to convince him of.

Chapter Text

"Your Eorzeans are strange indeed. Is the Holy See typically so cold to new friends?" Hien asked softly. Measured, weighing the information available to him.

I looked up from my grim book to sip my tea, letting too much into my mouth and burning my tongue. I had seen the moment, but hoped that Hien would not ask my counsel about it. I spied Aymeric outside of the halls, standing in the Ala Mhigan quarter as he waited for our meeting to begin. I ran as fast as I could to be in the company of friends again, avoiding his attentive gaze. I thought of Hien's laugh, considering what he might say about being trapped in a stone city after his freedom in the Azim Steppe.

My wish answered, Hien leaned into me as he regarded the endless masonwork and the people within it. He noted Lyse's growth, her ease among pirates and seedseers. His words had reached her ear, Hien buckled with laughter of the sight of our friend's blushing face. I felt his sweat brush me as his arm wrapped around me, throwing his head back in a howl.

I considered my response, not eager to give Hien what his hungry eyes searched for "Not everyone is as free as you, Hien."

"Free? Me?" he scoffed, glancing at the paperwork before him then back to me.

"You're shaping your nation alongside adoring citizens who eagerly awaited your return. You aren't fighting friends turned against you or receiving a dagger to the gut for speaking truth to power."

"A dagger to the gut? I suppose I would be grim as well."

I nodded, hoping I put our conversation to rest.

"He appeared lost in thought when I mentioned your name. I simply offered my gratitude that a mutual friend made allies of us."

"Perhaps he was tired from the trip to Ala Mhigo." I said, refusing to meet his eyes as I scanned my own pages.

"Perhaps, but I had heard much of him before our first meeting. He was described as a powerful, inspiring presence. An advisor apprised me of how warmly he received the Scions, I thought a new alliance with Othard would merit equal warmth."

"They say your heroes are disappointing in person."

He raised his eyebrows, shrugging, returning to his tea.

--

My friends began to disappear, one at a time. Thancred first, weakened by headaches and dizzy spells. He laughed it off at first, blaming my insistence on saying out late the night before. Urianger and Y'shtola next, claimed by the deepest sleep. My gut churned as Alphinaud was claimed by the same, peacefully resting in the Waking Sands, unbothered by the world beginning to burn around him.

Before long, I would be plagued with my own splitting headaches. My body felt heavy, begging to hit the earth below me. A familiar voice called to me, but I couldn't place it. "Throw wide the gates", the voice called.

Each time, I was plagued by visions. In my mind's eye, I was running. In a cold, dense forest, I felt my body break sharply from a trail. Up a hill, thick with ferns and evergreens. The air was absolutely frigid against my sweat laden skin. I heard a horrible growl behind me, I couldn't place the exact distance. Running so hard that my teeth hurt, my legs throbbing about to give. Still, I ran down the other side of the forest hill. Where was I going? Where had I just been?

--

After our first nights together following Doma's liberation, our return from his first Alliance meeting, after tea turned to questioning, I felt his hands lose their curiosity. He had searched me with all of the passion he could, I had nothing to give up. I didn't know it at the time, but I had given much to love. In my life before Eorzea, I had loved deeply. In my brief dalliance in the Holy See, I thought I had given all that I had left.

Our nights blended together, often ending at the hot springs. I questioned his time on the Steppe, closing my eyes to picture his journeys for myself. Hunting carefully with a bow, using distance and unmatched sight to compensate for the lack of cover. Praying quietly to his kami in thanks for the creature that would provide him what he needed. For all of his strength, he was so gentle.

"Might my candor be requited?" he asked, making his way over to me as I sat at the edge of the water. "What do you want to know?", I said opening my eyes. His hand met my face, brushing hair out of my eyes and resting on my cheek.

"You have drifted away from me, have you not?"

Ruthlessly honest. I moved closer to him, leaning to wrap my arms around his body. "I don't know how to stay. I'm sorry, I- I don't think I've ever learned."

"Would you try? Do you wish to stay?"

"I can't give you that," I whispered, staring into the water. "We'll be confronting the Empire again soon, my friends. My friends are disappearing, I have to search for a cure. I can't stay in one place."

"Not your body, Lua. I'm asking about your heart. Neither of us can offer much time, we can't offer our presence often. But is your heart with me?"

I climbed in his lap to kiss him, hoping for an answer. I hoped that my kiss would tell him, would tell me something I didn't know for sure. I wanted to give him all that he had given me. I wished I had any passion left, even an onze of what he had every time he held me. I was so tired. Not of him, not at all. I was just so tired.

Before our last voyage to Gyr Abania, I settled my matters in Kugane. I had never trusted Hancock entirely and confirmed that all of my belongings were as they left them. They were not, a single painting missing from my book.

--

At our camp on the frontlines of Ghimlyt Dark, I kept my canvas bag by my side as often as possible. I wanted my memories with me as much as I could have them. If the fires of our next battle reached the camp, I would likely already be dead. No shame to lose my books and paintings then.

My misplaced painting reappeared, I spied it poking out of Hien's own belongings. I slipped it out of its' hiding place and saw my carefully recreated image of Aymeric staring at me from a window. Half of his body leaning through, eyes drunk with love. I wondered what Hien thought when he found my collection, how long he had harbored the knowledge, why he hadn't confronted me. He could have anyone's company, his practiced hands taught me much of what he had learned from lovers on the Steppe.

I thought of Zenos, not bitter at the idea that the Empire might best me on our next meeting.

--

I found my own tent some time after I discovered my missing painting in Hien's belongings. He didn't question me, he held no bitterness towards me. I was a terrible friend to him, and a worse lover. In the time since those days, he insists that he has forgiven me. He cites that we were young, that neither of us were capable of more than we had given. It is seemingly impossible to wound the man's pride. Still, I attempt to do right by him.

Many years past, I would tell him all of my truths. We would dance again, under different circumstances, to all of my strange music. I would tell him all that I felt, all that I couldn't feel. In that moment, however, I was the worst that I could be to him.

Chapter Text

We blessed few, born from blood,
With tired hands do toil

Ala Mhigo assembled before us, soldiers and returned citizens. Full and low, their voices gathered in unison. I thought of the trepidation of my own people upon our liberation from the mistakes of our fathers, faltering voices questioning how we would move forward. Lua stood before me in our small crowd atop Ala Mhigo castle, her hands sliding past bodies to hold Lyse's and Raubahn's. Lyse's hand became red with the tight clutch they held for each other.

To shape this rugged land of ours
And build a home for all

I had long marveled at the miracles The Warrior of Light showed me. She could easily arrive in a strange land and promise to move mountains, but she showed me with her own hands what could be done. For some small amount of time, I was jealous of other lands that would have her. I winced as she was spirited away to new places to perform her miracles for others.

To ye who help your brothers,
Shrink not from Rhalgr's flame,

But on that day, we were Eorzeans. No more pretense, no waiting for the fires of war to meet our gates. No indifference, only justice. I reveled in the freedom of Ala Mhigans, as if mine own brothers were free.

But those who scorn their fellow man
Shall surely share his pain

--

"I wondered where you had disappeared to!" her light voice chimed behind me. Her hair stuck to the sides of her face with drying sweat.

"I wasn't much for dancing tonight." I said to her.

"Ah...exhausted from helping end a decades long military occupation?"

"Something of the sort" I laughed.

She sighed, resting beside me on the railing. She turned to the Lochs, closing her eyes as a wave of salty air hit her face. Slowly, she opened her eyes once more, cast straight ahead at the water.

"You called me your friend earlier, before the battle. I... I was glad to hear that."

"It's true, you are my friend and I was full glad to get the news from you. Even gladder to fight alongside you."

"I was doubtful for some time. After your letter, I- Oh, I thought you were being..."

"That I saw you as a conquest?"

"Yes. Yes, I did. That missive was horseshit. You woke up in my bed three days in a row and suddenly all you can see is 'friendship and nation building.'"

"But you know why that happened? I did not write that missive."

"I know. I heard, but you were so cold after the fact."

"I thought you to be angry with me, I tried to tell you what I could in the moment. Here in Ala Mhigo, I didn't speak to you after that meeting to be cruel to you, to dig the dagger deeper. I had hoped you would understand my intentions."

"I understood, and I was hopeful. Angry, mind you, but hopeful. Still, you were cold after that, after the truth came out. You never sought me out, we haven't had real time with each other. If you would have asked, I would have made the time."

Had I really been so cold? I felt at the time that I was in shock, shock that she could move on so quickly. Fear that perhaps I was the conquest and all I thought to be special about our time was now showered on Doma. My mind passed through each memory of her in that time as she reached out to hold my hand.

"I can forgive the deception, but why did you pull away? After all of this, I thought you would still be my friend."

"I-I'm so sorry, Lua."

"Please be honest with me."

A starry night slipped into the dawn without our notice. All secrets between us, laughed into the brightening sky. Her face reddened as I told her my fears, as she explained that she had tried to keep her relationship subtle. My own reddened as I explained how I realized what had blossomed between she and Hien, as I apologized for letting a petty jealousy keep our friendship broken.

She rested her head on my shoulder as she asked "So, after the dust has settled, what do you want? Not as a Loooord Commaaander or a Looooord Speeeeaaaker. What do you want for yourself?"

I gazed down at her, unable to meet her eyes. I traced the shape of her lips in my mind. "I-"

"Lua! Come help me carry this wee drunkard!" Lyse bellowed from atop the stairs.

Lua laughed, "Wee drunkard? Who?"

"Alisae, she got into some mead and fell asleep."

"Who let her have mead? I told her she isn't allowed."

"Well, you weren't there!"

Away again, off to perform some miracle for our friends.

--

There is truly nothing like a fight of that magnitude. Old comrades and new, holding one single vision. I had put to bed any hesitation about Hien, he truly was - and is - a skilled swordsman. My trepidation about him faded as we became one with the rhythm of battle. I felt no awkwardness, no tension, with the both of them at my side. We were more than any pettiness, united as a single strength.

I had considered Valhourdin's last words to me before he and his comrades were delivered to the Vault's gaol. In our last battle at Ala Mhigo castle, she had not been tested as he warned. Perhaps his words were simply meant to dig his dagger into my side, empty and cruel.

I stayed alongside my allies as we pressed on, though some fell back to hold gained ground. Time slipped through my hands as if it were naught but water, I knew not how much had passed between Lua at my side and Estinien delivering her limp body to me. I had not seen her move on ahead, I searched for her until I was told that Lord Zenos had met her on the field.

He had wounded her greatly, preparing to deliver a fatal blow. I was not practiced in aether manipulation, but even I could see the gravity of her wounds. She was hanging onto her life with just a finger. I had seen death many times before, I had seen her on the opposite side of this exchange. I held her as Estinien apprised me of the situation, hardly absorbing the words. I could not watch her pass. Not here, not now.

--

I held her to my chest, I ran as fast as I could. Her limbs were limp, her head knocked against my shoulder. I ran, ran, ran as long as I could. Voices attempted to reach me, I did not listen. The healers came to me, gently trying to pull her from me, settling for guiding us to their tent. I would not let go, I could not. They pleaded with me to let her lie on a cot, I gripped her cold hand as they attempted their ministrations.

"Let me take her home" I begged.

"She cannot be moved" they insisted.

--

She had left the forests of immediate danger and entered the next, deep sleep. I finally let go of her hand as the medics pulled me away from her, left to wait outside the tent as Lucia apprised me of the results of the campaign. Our allies assembled outside of the tent, each more grim than the last. I could not look at Hien. For all of my new good will, I could not look the man in the eye.

"Please, she must return to Ishgard." I recommended once again. I did not care what colors she had worn for another man, nor how he gazed at her as she performed her miracles. All that mattered was the promise I had made to her, to myself.

"She must rest."

"Please, let her wake up somewhere familiar. The Scions are gone, she would wake up alone here. She has family in Ishgard, please let them see her."

I would make the time. If she were to pass from her wounds or fall to whatever ailment had claimed the Scions, it would not be in a barren wasteland. It would not be surrounded by death and flames, I would make the time. I would not let her pass there.

She had slept soundly on the airship, hardly stirring when we hit turbulence. I held her hand once more, warming slightly. I ran with all haste when news was delivered that she had awakened. She would not make eye contact with me for some time. She asked where Alisae had gone, I promised her relative safety though I did not have the answers Lua sought. If I could not be what I had been to her, I could be her friend. I begged that she rest. That no one, not even someone as strong as she, didn't need rest.

--

When I'd heard from the Eorzean Grand Company that she was preparing to disappear to a new world, that the Scions were once again fighting for the fate of the star in even stranger lands, I had none of the worries I'd held years past. I was a wiser and a better man than first we met. My faith no longer lived in the shadow of fear, it lived in the light of what she had shown me to be true about people, about what we were capable of together. My faith was born of what I had proven for myself.

Tataru and Krile allowed me privacy in the Rising Stones, to lay eyes on her myself. She slept, brows furrowed once more as if the concept frustrated her. I held her hand, warm and alive. I had spoken to her in Old Elezen on some night at some inn many moons ago, she laughed and said she had heard the language somewhere before. Another link between us, I suppose. I whispered my deepest wish to her, hoping that she could hear me as she wandered the deep forests of her dreams.

"Vous êtes à la dérive dans la galaxie d'un étranger, mais vous nous retrouverez. Je le sais. Tu reviendras à la maison."

Chapter Text

Lua

Silence and stagnant air held me. I woke in the forest, assaulted by the blinding light. I was awake from my dream, it felt so vivid. I had followed the voice where he asked me to go, I threw wide the gates. I followed the gentle voice, eon became instant. As I fell through the gate, I was surrounded by shards. Each held faces and voices, memories. Many I remembered. Haurchefant, telling me not to cry. The Warrior of Darkness crying instead, that still- still it came to what it had. Some, I could not place. The strange forest I found myself running through in dreams, running harder and faster than I thought possible. My legs failing me, dropping to my knees as I cried. Another day, running through a burning city. Impossibly tall buildings, crumbling around me.

Ardbert

I had nothing but time to think on what we had done, what we had tried. I lost track of the decades as they slipped between my hands. My body failed, only temporary, a cruel reminder of the Ascian’s magic that brought us to the Source. My mind disintegrated, Lamitt’s words echoing in what remained. I had made so many choices, one after another, that left me alone. Nothing was worth it, not this eternity. Her voice faded after some time, lost to the waves of my consciousness returning to me. It was pounding, like the waves of Kholusia against my ears. It sounded like the first day I saw Lamitt, standing on the shore as her warm aether embraced me. Bringing life back to me when I thought all had been lost, that the beast I tried to challenge on my own would best me and leave me lost to the sea.

It was not Lamitt who greeted me. It was her, the Warrior of Light. Last I saw her, she was bathed in the blue light of her mothercrystal, eyes twinkling as she watched my humiliation. After all I had done to her, all she held for me was kindness. Not pity, not rage. Kind eyes, the last eyes that would see me for what felt like eternity. Lua, several ilms shorter than I but stronger than I cared to admit at the time. Something like the humes I had seen on the Source or on my own star, but not quite. I watched her with a small bag, carefully pulling books out of it one by one. Reverent to each, placing them beside her at the window.

I marveled at her presence, at the room I had found myself in. She tensed her body, backing away from me. In all this time, no matter how loudly I screamed, no one had reacted to me before. “You…you can hear me?” I asked her softly. I half expected her to draw her weapon, ready to strike me down. Truthfully, I would have. Instead, she reached out to me, hands falling through what was left of me.

Lua

"We fought, we fought, and we fought until there was no one left to fight. We won. And then came the Light. A flood of pure, blinding radiance annihilating shadow and color and life itself, leaving naught in its' wake but blank perfectio-"

"You've told me that part before. I mean after, what was that day like?"

"After the flood began? Absolute horror." Surprise at my question gave way to straightforwardness, his honest assessment. "We learned of it as a whisper of unanswered missives and ships lost on their way back to Norvrandt. It crept slowly, like an early dawn over the horizon until the wave was inescapable. It washed over village after village. It claimed the mightiest cities, swallowed whole continents."

"Precious little was spared. I would call Norvrandt lucky, but..." his voice softened, "the islands were lost. West of Kholusia, all gone. The coast and inlands still stand, though."

I had felt his hesitance for some time, it surprised me every time he was willing to share something personal. How cruel it all must be. He left to quiet the screams for mercy, screams he felt responsible for, only to fail. I stood in his way, and now I was the only one able to hear his laments in a hundred year purgatory. Still, I delighted every time he shared these truths with me. The feeling in my gut the first we met hadn't disappeared. A small flutter rose up again and again every time he offered some new light to the story of the First, to his story. Sometimes the gentle flutter of excitement would give way to more, something painful. I didn't want to be a monster who tore through his story as his fingers brushed against victory. If I could comfort him, if I could help him find his rest, I might not be the villain he thought I was.

"What were the islands like?" I pried, testing our limits. He sighed, eyes darkened. "They were beautiful. Rich farmland, unspoiled fishing spots hidden in every corner. You could lose an entire day there without noticing." I held my hand back against instinct, how deeply I wished I could touch him. He turned his back to me to gaze out of the window at the searing light blanketing the hills of Lakeland. I knew my fingers would find nothing, but I couldn't help myself. I reached out, I nearly grazed where his hair might have been before he began speaking to me once more. I snatched my hands back as he turned to face me.

"What of your home? Where did you grow up?" he asked, masking his reverie with cheerfulness.

"Not an island, sadly." I laughed. "My grandmother came from a beautiful string of islands in the south of my country. I loved to visit, I'd sit in the trees to collect coconuts."

"Coconuts?" he gasped. "Why?"

"The water is tasty."

"That's disgusting. You don't loathe the texture?"

"Of the pulp? Oh, Ardbert. The Warrior of Darkness, peerless warrior, too much of a baby to eat coconuts?"

If he had any blood, it might have risen to his face as he cast it down to avoid my eyes.

I laughed, "Oh, the fearless warrior is a picky eater!"

"You didn't answer my question. Where did you grow up when you weren't on your grandmother's island?"

"A farm, malms and malms away on the other side of the country. The trees were always green, very few changed colors with the seasons. The ocean was close, you could always smell it on the air."

He closed his eyes briefly, perhaps imagining it. I tried and failed to describe the taste of the red fish we caught in our streams, smoked on boards made of our most fragrant trees. He kept his eyes closed, laughing at my poor descriptions. I tested his candidness once more, "The island you spoke of, with the lush farmland. Was that your home?"

"Yes. It would seem we're similar in yet another way. We weren't odd enough to cook fish with smoke and fragrant trees, though."

"You missed out, then."

"Terribly. I thought you couldn't remember any of this. The first day, you told me that you couldn't remember any part of your life before waking in the Source."

I sighed, turning my back to him, avoiding his eyes to stare out of the window myself. "I...I've had strange dreams of late. Dreams that feel more like memory." I turned back to him, shuffling his hands awkwardly. "Why did you ask in the first place if you thought I wouldn't have an answer?"

"I thought my questions might jog your memory."

Ardbert

At the very least, our hobbies were similar. I'd follow her into the woods as she would forage, deftly seeking the best spices from bushes, lamenting the First's lack of fragrant trees. She was a terrible fisherman, though. I tried my best to guide her with words, but I dared not reach out for the fishing pole myself. Obviously not. She heeded my words, but the fish outsmarted her every time.

Chapter Text

Ardbert

I hadn’t held that level of consciousness in so long, I could hardly remember the feeling. For the first few nights, I didn’t know what to do with myself while she slept. I paced, I cleared my throat loudly in the hope that she might wake for a moment. I feared that I would disintegrate again, like my existence was dependent on her perceiving me. I sat on the floor beside her bed, listening to her low whistling snore. At first, it was a light sensation. How long it had been! I felt cold wind brush my face, slight but sure. As the nights passed, I heard sounds. Raucous music, gleeful bards. Laughter, the cacophony of a busy market. Pained cries, a loud crack seemingly splitting from the earth below us. Finally, I saw images. With enough time, I felt it all.

On one such night, I felt cold earth below my back, a thin bedroll trying to give my sore body comfort. My body ached as I rolled over to my side, Lua’s sleeping face ilms from mine. I scrambled to my feet, a rush of blood returning me to the ground in a dizzy spell. I gazed at my hands, examining many healed cuts and healed scars. I ran my hands along my body, thinner than I knew it. I tried to take in my surroundings, but it was all so much. Hooting nightbirds and a chorus of frogs vibrated in my ears. The chill of the air lit up the exposed skin of my forearms and face, the smoke of a dying fire overwhelmed my nose. I lost myself, breathing heavily as I drowned in the many sensations I thought lost to me forever.

Lua moaned, twisting around on the bedroll as she extended a searching hand to where I had lain. “Mm where did you go?” she mumbled. “I-where are we?” I asked.

“The same place we were an hour ago. Get some rest. It’s almost morning.”

Sure enough, the stars were beginning to fade. A loud snap sounded within the forest around us. Lua lifted herself up quickly, gathering a revolver from beneath the bedroll. She eyed the forest cautiously, hands shaking as she searched for a second gun. Her hands revealed it to me, her eyes pleading with me to take it. She stood, scanning the trees as the branches swayed in the wind. A body met my back, cold metal driving within me. Warm blood spilled onto my clothes, into my shoes as I crumpled to the ground. Her scream cut through my ears as she leapt to reach me. Another body pulled her away, her feet dragging into the dirt as her fingers dug into her assailant’s face. I lost consciousness, drifting once more into eternity.

I didn’t speak to her of what I saw at night. I wondered if she had always had these dreams, passing them off as simply that. Dreams, not memories. But if she had truly awoken in the forest alone with no recollection of how she had gotten there, I thought these visions must be useful to her. I turned away each morning as she got dressed for the day, staring out into the window wondering how I might share my nightly journeys with her.

Not all of the dreams were as terrible as the first. Some were beautiful. Some I couldn’t act in, I wasn’t a character in every story. Sometimes, I would see her as a slightly younger woman, listening to music from a strangely small orchestrion as she laid in a field with other people, as odd looking and joyful as her. Climbing her trees for coconuts and apples. Laughing, playing foul jokes, falling victim to equally foul ones. Each one flashes of the pride and shame of youth. In the dreams I could act in, I was the same man. I felt her skin under my hands, her breath against me as she softly moaned into my ear. I saw her in a tavern sipping tea, drawing into a small book. I felt the sense that in this other life on a strange star, I was seeing her for the first time. I felt the man’s heart pounding against his chest, mouth dry with anticipation. The first time and every time after.

Every morning that followed my trips within her mind, if I could feel anything outside of her dreams, I’m certain I would have felt hot under her gaze. The shame ran deep, it was a violation of sorts to not just see or hear her most intimate memories, but to know the feel of them. Yet, I was hungry. It had been a hundred years and some days since I had felt another’s touch on my skin, the passion of another's lips telling me they loved me. I was not the man she saw in her dreams, she had not asked me to visit these memories with her. Still, I did, learning where she had come from.

Lua

I began to have the strangest dreams, more real than any I’d had before. The worst began some weeks after my arrival in the First as I tried to sleep on a cot at The Inn at Journey’s Head. I remembered damage. I was in a home, overstuffed and too hot. The strange images I saw on my device lined my walls, the smiling man and woman cutting a cake smiled at me from a frame. A song I recognized from my orchestrion played softly. A man laughed on my couch, laughing at yet another strange device mounted to the wall. I felt like it was nice to laugh, like there hadn’t much to laugh about of late. I fell into his arms, begging to be let in on his joke. We laid like that until the lazy afternoon became dark night, silent as the city died down from our windows. My body became limp, drifting until a deep crack sounded. It cut through the air, almost screaming from the earth.

I saw much and more every night, each dream increasing in clarity and pain as I lost control. Each Sin Eater defeated, the string holding me back from a blinding abyss snapped. I remembered damage, then escape. I followed the man through burning cities as even the skies burst into red flames, stars giving up their place to crash into our own. Others ran past us as we fled our broken home, tear streaked faces contorting into images of horror. Regular people, some I was sure that I had known becoming vile beasts, tearing at each other with tooth and claw. Running through the strange forest, covered in that man’s blood, still feeling his kiss on my lips and wondering how so much could happen between our last night together and the end of his life. I felt my eyes burn, my face hot, losing control of whatever had held me back from giving into the finality we all faced then. I dropped to my knees, reaching the end of all I could run to. I screamed the most foul scream, frightening myself.

Every night, I tried to remember the sweetness of life on earth. I could, in brief moments. Drinking coconut water in a tree. My father, I think, laughing. Running through a market after succeeding in a particularly good prank alongside a friend, howling with laughter. My first kiss on a muggy evening under an orange and purple sky. The first time I wore a ring on my finger and felt pride in it. Stronger still, I remembered damage. I stood looking over my damaged home and cursed whatever terrible instrument of fate made me remember any of it. I cursed myself for how deeply I had wanted to remember.

Ardbert

At night, I felt her terror. I watched her on her knees before a steep cliff in a forest, screaming like a wounded animal. She cursed her god, begging to be taken with the man, his warm blood haunting me. She demanded an explanation, why she had been cursed with mercy. Why fate would leave her alone here at the end of the world, in the Final Days. I ran to her, my hands suffering all futility, clutching nothing as I tried to hold her. I watched her frightened as all of her disappeared into pure and blinding light. I heard the voice of another, “Welcome and well met, my brave little spark…”

Her cruel dream ended, I found myself in her room once more. I knelt beside her bed, wishing I could wake her. That I could touch her, that I could comfort her somehow. I had decried that same mercy, to survive alone and set adrift. Every day, I gave her all I could. All of my words, all of my strength. I finally saw what was common in us. We were two shards, two reflections neither so terrible nor so great.

Lua

I didn’t think it to be possible. He touched me. Ardbert had touched me. In the Crystarium, he offered more wisdom, all the kindness he had come to show. One unexpected gesture of comfort, his extended fist. I laughed at the thought, I couldn’t take his suggestion seriously. He insisted, so I raised my fist to his own. I felt his knuckles meet mine as he gasped, “As I thought! What happened between us was no coincidence. My story may be finished, but the fates have gifted me a minor role in yours.” I held his gaze and his touch as he told me, “I suspected as much the moment I realized you could hear me!”

I wished to ask him more before Feo Ul arrived. I returned to my room at the Pendants, hoping I would find him. He didn’t appear until late that night as I rested, waiting for the uncertain day ahead of us all. His ghostly light appeared beside the window, soft against the drawn curtains. I sat up on my elbows, watching him for some time. He turned to look at me, “I didn’t mean to wake you. You’ll need your rest.” I slid out of the warmth of my bed, cautiously stepping towards him with bated breath. What could I say? I can finally feel in the ways I'd hoped a long string of lovers and friends would make me feel? That I would stay if I could, if only I could make you stay as well? I don’t know what will happen to you once this is over, but I’m grateful to have you now?

Ardbert

She always looked so small, smaller still with loosened braids and her thin night dress. For as little covered her, I felt naked myself as her steep gaze washed over me. Silence held us for some time until I broke it, “Are you afraid of your dreams?” I suspected that I had not woken her at all, that she feared to go on her nightly journey, learning more than she might want to know about herself. “Not always,” she whispered. “It is not so terrible when you’re there.” I gasped, hoping that I had been as invisible to her there as I had been to all of Norvrandt for a hundred years. She stepped an ilm closer, arms crossed before her. “I didn’t…I hadn’t meant to pry” I confessed.

She shook, from the cold, from the truth finally spoken between us. For all any others might know, she was impossibly strong. For my eyes alone, she was soft. I broke as I watched her vulnerable once again, not only in her dreams but in waking life before me. Just as adrift as I had been for so long. I closed the distance between us, picking her up off of the cold ground to hold her in my arms. She wrapped herself around my neck, hot tears dissolving into my hair. I thought of Lamitt, disappearing into Minfilia’s light. I thought of Lua’s love, feeling his blood in my shoes as she screamed. No hero, no matter how valiant can stand alone. I wouldn't leave her now.

I carried Lua to her bed, sitting beside her as I brushed her tears away. I fingered a curl of her hair, relishing the sensation. She grabbed my hand, gently running her thumb over mine as I closed my eyes with a sigh, “You must rest. The most terrible dream could come, but I’ll be there. I promise.” She bristled at the thought, enclosing my hand with both of hers, holding it to her chest.

“Do you remember when you hated me?” she asked.

“I didn’t hate you. I did what I had to do.” I whispered.

“You tried to bury an axe in my head.”

I hadn’t wanted to tell her how I had truly felt. I knew I had been wrong, she had proven that to me many times over. Every kindness she had shown the First, each of my mistakes that she had righted. I confessed, “Alright. I thought you to be quite terrible. In truth, I watched you for a long time, convinced that you and your Eorzeans were petty, consumed with mindless problems.”

“I thought the same of Kholusia.”

“Fair enough.” I said, considering Vauthry’s pleasure city at the end of the world. “I saw you at the Grand Melee, dancing like a drunken dolt with your pompous comrades. I called you the ‘hero of fools’ among my friends.”

“Hah! I just called you an asshole among my friends. Who's pompous now?” she laughed.

I melted in her gaze as she lay beside me. She lifted the edge of her nightdress quickly, her mouth opening to speak before it closed, hand lowering the nightdress once more. “Ah…hah. I’m not wearing pants. I was going to show you the scar you gave me.”

“I could just look at the scar, I wouldn’t…I-” I lost my words, curious to see the scar but desperate to see the skin surrounding it. She lifted her nightdress, holding it above her ribs to display a jagged line of scar tissue. I fought my eyes to stay on the line, her eyes, anything but to look lower. She held her pose, meeting my tense gaze. “It’s healed pretty well, I think.” My whole body stiffened, I ached with curiosity as my control faltered. I couldn't help myself. Her bare thighs lit against my ghostly cast, her smalls, her stomach, her breasts pressed against the nightdress and her hands holding it up for my view. She laughed as I finally exhaled a long, slow breath. I reached out my hand to gently trail the scar, pulling a soft moan from her. “Does it hurt?” I asked. “You could do worse” she laughed. Oh, how I wished I could. I lowered myself to slide my body against hers, meeting her face with my own.

“I haven’t done this in a hundred years” I chuckled. A hundred years and some months now, I hadn’t felt someone in love with me, pressed against me in anticipation. Me, truly me, not a memory that I slid into to feel warmth, to feel anything at all.

“But many times before, of course!” she chuckled as she ran a finger against my lips.

“Yes, the Warrior of Light doesn’t do so terribly, as I’m sure you know.”

She howled with laughter as she wrapped her legs around me. I littered her with kisses as she ripped off my armor, armor I'd worn so long I believed it to be a part of me then. Each piece removed, I took back a curse I had screamed at my gods, at Minfilia. Every ilm of her thighs was a blessing as I ran my hands along them, every bite along my earlobe a reason to believe the twists of fate that lead us here were not cruel after all. I turned her words into unintelligible moans until she cried my name, no one else’s. Not a fancy lord, not a memory of lost love. I promised her with my lips, with my hands, with all of me that I would go nowhere. I would not fail her as I had failed so many. For once, I would keep my vow.

Chapter Text

His hands roamed wildly as he kissed her, absorbing every sensation. Her bare skin, her teeth biting his lower lip, her own hands eagerly seeking every ilm of him. She whimpered softly as he left her lips to explore her fully. He had traversed her Eorzea, treating with strangers and hiking across lands stranger still to learn her weaknesses. Alas, all this time, it was simply gentle bites along her inner thighs. He sat back on his legs as she whimpered once more, legs hooked around his hips and squeezing in protest. Ardbert chuckled, taking in the sight of her. Flushed, nightdress pulled up below her breasts in her ruse to simply show off her battle scar. Ha! Admired by so many, unstoppable even to him, nervously laying before him as she pondered how to confess to a boy she liked. This allegedly peerless warrior, fearsome in the eyes of the Source and the First, meekly whimpering. Nearly begging for his touch!

He couldn't contain his laughter as he slid his hands over her warm thighs, still amazed that he could feel warmth at all. "What's so funny?" she asked. His laughter gave way to wheezing, "That you thought you had to tell me you were just 'showing off a scar', I was yours already!" She laughed in turn, "Really? When did that happen?" "I'm not sure." he confessed as he ran a finger over her smalls, fingering the waistband, one finger tempted to rip the delicate fabric off of her hips. He beamed as he watched her shiver in response. "When you...when you defeated the Cardinal Virtues. My friends..." he trailed off. Lua sat up to meet him. "They wouldn't have wanted..." her calloused hand met his face. "Thank you." he whispered, not meeting her eyes. "Think nothing of it" she replied, a thumb softly grazing his lips.

He sighed deeply, "You got to know the truth of me, and I hoped that in those journeys, maybe you might know me better. Might understand my choices more fully." "Aye," she whispered. "But I never blamed you. You called it yourself. Of anyone, I should understand. I did, I did. Your words never left me." He pulled her closer, onto his lap. His lips found her neck as his growing excitement pressed against his smalls, greedily seeking her warmth. Lua's hands ran through his hair, gripping him tightly as he rolled his hips against hers. She eagerly matched his rhythm, delighting in his low growl as he grabbed handfuls of her nightdress to slip it over her head.

He lifted her up and off of the bed, pressing her gently against a wall. He knelt before her, eagerly pulling her smalls from her hips. Her knees buckled as his kisses and bites trailed higher, his hands gripping her thighs as he placed a long and slow lick along her wet folds. He groaned as he tasted her, oh to taste something again. He dove his tongue deep within Lua, his hungry mouth savoring every drop of her. His hand reached to find her bundle of nerves, thumbing it gently as he reached as deeply as he could. He could feel her begin to come undone, desperate to feel the gentle pull of her against his fingers. He lifted her, half pressed against the wall, the rest of her weight against him as he placed her thighs on his shoulders. One finger as she exhaled heavily, a second threatening to make her lose all control. She lost herself as his tongue licked and sucked across her bundle of nerves, lost to pleasure as she squeezed his knuckles.

Lua found her way to her feet, shaking as Ardbert stood to hold her. She kissed him deeply, gasping as he lifted her once more, her legs settling along his hips. She pulled the strings of his smalls as he rushed to slide them away, sighing roughly as her hands met his cock. He attempted to plunge within her, forgetting himself in his excitement. She yelped, unable to take him as slick as she was. "Oh, oh. Lua, I'm so sorry-" he apologized profusely, meeting her eyes in horror. "So eager, Warrior of Darkness!" she laughed. He growled, catching her laughter in his mouth. Gently, slowly, he rolled his hips into her until he was within her to the hilt.

"Slowly, slowly" he chanted to himself as he felt his heart pound against his chest. "You know..." she whispered into his ear, pulling back from a series of bites each harder than the last. "We never had round two of our little battle" she taunted. She squeezed him from within, eliciting a hoarse moan from him. She pulled back to gaze deeply in his eyes as she begged him, "Wreck me." He could hardly stand it. He pressed one hand against the cold stone wall, one gripping hard against her hip as he picked up his pace. He rolled his hips up, as deep as he could within her, feeling the light squeeze as he reached the end of her warmth. Harder and faster, riding the line for as long as he could, nearly losing himself every time her roaming hands dug deep scratches into his back. She rolled her hips against him, her bundle of nerves pressing into his pelvis as she became tighter, threatening to push him over the edge.

He panted roughly, losing his sight to the sweat in his eyes, "Stop" he sighed. Her hips stilled, legs clasping against him for stability. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "I-it's been so long, Lua. I can't hold on much longer if you keep doing that." She gave a mischievous grin, her hand reaching to brush sweat and hair from his brow. "We have all night." He groaned deeply, reaching his arms around her ass to hold her as close as he could have her. He thrusted violently, bouncing her until his movements became erratic and his legs shook. They collapsed onto the floor, panting until their breathlessness gave way to laughter.

"Fuck" she whispered, laying on her back as she placed a hand to her chest. "To think we could have done that instead of fighting." Ardbert chuckled. "Oh, but I liked the chains!" Lua cried. "I suppose we'll have to see about bringing those back into the fold." he chuckled as he turned his head to watch the soft rise and fall of her chest.

She sat up to rest on her knees, finding a place between Ardbert's legs. "Round three?" she asked. "I can't do the thing with the chains right now, if that's what you mea-" he lost his words as she littered his stomach and pelvis with kisses. Kisses gave way to soft bites and slow licks as she found his excitement growing once more. She gazed up at him from beside his cock, slick with them both. He grinned at the sight of her, eager to feel what other worldly delights she could bring back from the hazy depths of memory. He sat up upon his elbows with a soft moan as she licked the tip of his cock, her tongue lighting up every nerve as it drifted lower and lower. He sat up further as she took him within her mouth, reaching his hands into her hair as he felt the back of her throat close in on him. In and out, slowly and excruciatingly soft, gazing up at him as she held all of his girth within between her lips. His hands held large grips of her hair, pulling her curls as he lost himself to her, feeling his seed pool in her mouth as she rapidly swallowed to take all she could.

He pulled her up and into his arms as he scanned the room. "There-the chair" as he stood, pulling her by the hand. He sat, grabbing her hips to bring her into his lap once again. He felt the heat and slickness of her sweaty back against his chest as he reached his arms around to spread her legs. She rested each on the armrests, shivering as she became aware of how exposed she felt. His breath along her neck warmed her, his rough hand reaching for her clit. Gently he rubbed, beaming as he felt her quiver atop him. His excitement grew as he felt her become wet once more, dribbling onto his cock. His other hand cupped a breast, fingering her nipple as she tried to speak. Each word, a nonsense stretch of moans. His cock pressed against her ass, insistently, hungrily searching for her warmth, eager to fill her completely.

He rested his cock at the edge of her back passage, teeth nipping her ear as he sighed into her "Is this alright? Do you want me there?" His fingers continued to play along her nerves as she whimpered "Yes, god yes. Please." His cock slick with her, he slid in gently as she shuddered against him, grinding her hips to receive him. Ardbert groaned loudly as she engulfed him, as hungry for him as he was for her. She grew wetter still, his fingers drenched. He rested his thumb along her bundle of nerves as he thrusted mercilessly within her, two fingers finding their way ilms lower, pressing deeply within her core. He groaned deeply as he felt the stretch of both holes, tightening as her words began to fail her "Mmmmmore. Hh! Haar-aharder. Mmm Aard-" He slid his other hand away from her breast, higher, wrapping around her throat. He growled into her ear, "What do you want, my Warrior of Light? Use your words." She cried, "Harder, fuck me harder."

His voice softened as he considered how sweet it must sound on her lips, how the word alone could push him over the edge. "Say my name" he whispered into her ear. She moaned as her hips twisted with pleasure, pressing herself into his hand. Tears welled in her eyes, trailing down her cheeks and onto his hand, "I-I lov...Ardbert. A-ardbert-" she gave an almost inhuman howl as she lost herself to the pleasure of his hands and the sensation of him thrusting within her. He felt her squeeze his knuckles once more, his name still ringing in his ears as he could hold on no longer, filling her deeply. He removed his hands from their disparate locations and gripped her tightly within his arms as his orgasm continued spilling, spilling, dripping down her legs as she lowered them to press against him. He held her there for what felt like yet another eternity, savoring every aftershock.

Chapter Text

Sheets. Something as simple as sheets. I hadn't realized that I missed the feeling of them against me, even the rough kinds at the Inns. The feeling of cold stone walls against my hands, the floor against my back as a lover laughed beside me, both of us spent from our exertions. Of all the things, it was the simplest sensations that I had missed the most. We snuck out of her room afterwards, but in truth, I hoped that someone would find us. Someone as sleepless as we were, perhaps someone we had kept awake with our sounds. A chide to keep the ruckus down, a glare to confirm that I was truly real. I followed her to the showers, clasping the fibers of the towels we had collected near the door. The feeling of the faucet responding to me, rickety plumbing that turned cold water scalding with a half an ilm turn was nothing short of a miracle to me then. I could feel even the light vibration of the aging mechanics of it, rumbling to life as the water heated. Everything that night was a strange blessing.

Sure, as I said, the Warrior of Light doesn't do too terribly. I had been with a number of people across the First. I say this not to brag, simply telling the truth. Some were intimate, heart shatteringly beautiful experiences. Some less so, a fewer number absolute nightmares. Of all of them, I'd never felt...oh. I'd never felt so vulnerable. In the chair, against the wall, in her bed, I felt so powerful over her. My impossibly strong Warrior of Darkness, she melted to my touch. In every other moment, I couldn't play the stronger one.

As the water hit my skin, my eyes burned with tears. I had hardly noticed my ghostly cast disappear in the night, I had slowly realized the sensation of her room and the objects within it. The hot water slapping into me, running along me, yielding to me rather than bursting through me was what finally did me in. I shook, low sobs escaping me. She held me for quite a long time. She ran a soapy sponge along my back, my arms, my chest. Her fingers scrubbed soap into my hair, her silly rose soap. I made my fuss about it, insisting how little I cared for smelling like one of her fancy lord lovers or princely escapades. She smirked, knowing full well how much I loved having more of her. The next day, I would sniff the air as we made our way through the Ondo Cups, pleased to feel her presence, even when she was not around.

When we finally returned to her room, dawn had come. She dropped onto the bed, sighing deeply.

"This was always my favorite feeling" she confessed.

"Soreness? A limp?"

"Hah! No, a soft bed after a long shower. When I was small, I'd play in the apple orchard all day, climbing trees. I'd go to the barn and feed the animals, go to the fields and gather the corn. Then I'd take a long hot bath and drop into my warm sheets."

"Then have a long sleep, I hope. You should try to rest as best you can, your comrades will be calling on you soon."

"Ah. I don't know how we'll explain you."

"That's a problem for me to solve later. Sleep, Lua."

Without another word, she fell into deep sleep. Strangely enough, so did I. I had promised to be present for her dreams, no matter how terrible they may be. As eagerly as I'd promised, I failed, sinking into a dream of my own.

--

"Long ago, when I was just a boy so alone then. Last of my kind in the world. I believed futures could be reborn, I would go back in time, change what's to come."

That night, I saw my own terrors and delights. A dying, pitiful world. I was the last, the very last. Surrounded by old age and death, only one other person my age. I watched as she fell to death too, neither of us immune to the end of things. I watched her lose her legs and fall to the ground as I rushed to hold her, her hand clasping mine. She sang to me, "Valhalla is calling me to the end, I can hear now the beating hearts of lost friends" I felt the vibration of sound building in my chest, a voice spoke though not my own. "I promise you, I will break this cycle. We-" his voice broke as the world began to collapse in on him. The walls shook, rubble loosening from the hidden place they chose to say their goodbyes. "We'll shape the future with our own hands."

Another day, another life. A violent monster, larger than I had ever seen swept a terrible wave across a trail of islands in the sea. I saw bodies, floating in the water as crying faces reached out hands to grasp them and wrap them up in cloth and flowers. I saw a woman, dancing atop the water. I felt so...so angry. Angry that she was dancing. Not anger at her, anger at the dance. That the dance needed to be, that it would happen again and again. Yet another vision, somewhere I could remember. Within the mothercrystal, the cursed voice spoke to me once more. "Welcome and well met, my brave little spark," Hydaelyn spoke to me. "she heard your promise and the gods heard it too."

--

I woke with a startle, a pounding knock hit the door to Lua's room. She scrambled awake, nearly falling out of bed to find her clothes. "I-I'm coming, hang on" she shouted as she wiggled into her night dress. She poked her head out of the door before it gave way to a small hand pushing it wider. "What are you hiding in here, Lua?" Alisae's impatience brought one leg into the doorway, bent her body under Lua's outstretched arm attempting to bar her entrance. Her eyes became wide as I made my ill fated attempt to quietly exit the bed and hastily put on my clothes.

Lua caught her gaze, her words sputtering out of her "A lot-you see, he's been stuck here for a hundred years and I've been able to see him but I don't know why and yester-"

"Oh my GODS" Alisae howled. She made her best attempt to straighten her face as she held a laugh. "Well, I suppose I will allow you a moment to collect yourselves and prepare for the coming day. I do hope you got some rest."

"Thank you. I- We can discuss the logistical part of this later, but I hope you'll respect my privacy."

The two held their silence for half a second as I held all of my armor in front of me, attempting to keep some measure of modesty though I knew neither was about to break their focus on each other.

Alisae's straight face gave way to a grin before she turned to run down the hallway as Lua hopped into her boots and gave chase. "THAAAANCREEEEEED" Alisae bellowed, knowing precisely would eat up her gossip.

Finally clothed, I made my way down to the lobby of the Inn. A man bumped into me at the final set of stairs, apologizing profusely. Another at the desk asked if I enjoyed my stay though he was certain he didn't recall checking me in. Do I have a key of my own, does my room have enough towels? I fought the urge to weep. Urianger spoke with Lua near the entrance, his mouth hanging open as he noticed me.

"I hath wondered what giveth young Alisae such cause to run so swiftly."
"Ah, where did she go?" Lua inquired.
"She maketh for the tavern, our remaining comrades will arrive ere long."
"So shall we, then." Lua sighed. "You're not the only one with secrets, my friend." she confessed as she looped her arm in between Urianger's. He laughed softly, "It appears as such." She reached her other arm out to me as she sighed, "Let's have a drink and unravel this odd tale, yes?"

--

Fully assembled, Lua revealed her truths to them. Unburdened, lighter than I had seen her. Her candor made me hungry to share my own truths, for eyes to be on me, for my words to catch yet another ear. I revealed my story, telling my tale to the room rapt with attention. "How sad that it would be your enemy as the only one who could hear you." Ryne mused to herself. Alisae and Thancred shared a knowing look as his eyes widened, brows raised. "W-what am I missing?" Ryne asked. Alphinaud overruled with his own question, one that would set the tone for our day, "How is it that we can see you?"

"He has tampered with our friend's already perilous aether, I'm afraid" Y'shtola said from her spot within the shadowy corner of the table, hardly hiding her glowering face. "I'm sorry, I'm not practiced in aether manipulation. I don't catch your meaning." I said to her, suddenly aware of her displeasure at my reappearance. "Oh...oh no. I thought... I thought that it was just her condition worsening. I didn't think- How is that possible?" Ryne asked, slight panic in her voice.

I had known about Lua's battle to sustain all of the light she held from slaying the lightwardens, I had even shared my hopelessness about her ability to outlast it. In the last few weeks, however, I became lost in my admiration for her. I believed that she might find a way, that she must. That my words and our shared strength would lead her to succeed. Selfishly, I wished that if she did fail, she might drag me along with her to the Sunless Sea. If she could see me after all of my time in this purgatory, all was possible, wasn't it?

"She has given you some of her aether, making hers much thinner. To sustain your corporeal form, you have thrown away all of our tireless days and nights of searching for a solution that would have her survive this." Y'shtola spat at me.

Alisae howled, "How is that possible? How could you do such a thing?"

"It wasn't my intention, nor do I believe it was hers. I- I can't control that she can see me, nor that we had any connection." I howled in return.

"Don't yell at my friends," Lua hissed at me, her face becoming red as she turned to me. She looked back at her horrified party, "Neither of us intended this, and I promise that I will finish what we set out to do. I'm sorry...I'm sorry everyone. You put your trust in me, and I won't fail you or the First."

"I apologize" I said, looking directly into Alisae's eyes. "What can I do to make this right?"

"You can't just dissipate him into aether without killing him" Ryne offered.

"I don't see why that isn't on the table. It's been done before and can be done again." Alisae growled.

"Alisae!" Alphinaud cried. She glowered at him, folding her arms and slumping into her chair. "I propose that we work together. The Warrior of Darkness offers his strength in the coming days as we travel to the Tempest and he will help us find the Exarch. Beyond that, we will see."

"We will see?" Alisae shouted as she sat upright.

"He's right. What's done is done, and we know our course. If godsforbid...if Lua were to turn and become a Lightwarden, it would take someone with Hydaelyn's blessing to do what needs be done. The only one present is The Warrior of Darkness." Thancred conceded.

"You have my axe." I said, "I will do all that needs be done. I will not leave her to become one of those things." I eyed Urianger, "I will make it quick." I looked over to Lua, she wouldn't meet my eyes. I reached for her hand under the table as it trembled, not at my touch, but once again in response to my actions. I could not fail, I would not.

Chapter Text

Lua

For a night that had gone so beautifully, the day was quite ugly. I slumped my way out of the tavern, considering Alphinaud's plan. I hadn't tried to make Ardbert real again, he was always real to me in a way. We were both surprised when our fists met that day, the night that followed was just as surprising. I didn't know I could share my aether, I wondered how soon I had begun. When did it start? Could I have touched him months ago, I had just given up trying? Would I have let the night go on as it had if I knew the repercussions?

Sharp headaches plagued me as we made for the Tempests, blinding white light stealing my vision from me. The vision and the motion as we traveled with the Bismark made me heave my breakfast into a bag as Ardbert rubbed my back. I could feel Alisae's thousand malm stare, words slamming against her gritted teeth, threatening to slice the silence open between us. I cleaned myself up, readying to speak with her, but alas, there was no time. I weighed the things left unsaid, fearing how little time we might have left to us. For once, I was not afraid of losing someone else. Others were afraid of losing me. I thought of Haurchefant in my arms and his request that I smile instead of grimace and sob. I couldn't say that to anyone here, they'd slap me so hard I'd reach my grave a few moments early.

For all of the water we had stolen from them, the Ondo were kind. We set about our tried and true method, we started on small tasks to ingratiate ourselves with them. Alisae offered to take Ardbert on, and for a mercy, Thancred offered his company instead. I went with Y'shtola, wondering if she desired my company or if she'd simply like to monitor my condition. We walked in tense silence, feet struggling to stay atop the waterlogged earth beneath us.

Y'Shtola

I admit, I chuckled when Alisaie arrived breathless in the tavern. "Lua will be late to our meeting this morning" she spoke through her breaths. "Why is that?" Thancred asked, looking up from his towel as he cleaned his blade. "There is..." she laughed heartily, "Oh, she found company last night." Thancred's brow raised with a smirk, "I thought she had made enough of a mess in the Source." "You're one to talk! I can't announce myself as a Scion anywhere in Ul'Dah thanks to you. The last time I did, a bar maiden charged me double for my drink citing your misdeeds." Thancred sighed, choosing to press Alisaie for more detail. I attempted to ignore them, but their voices carry easily. A hyur, she thought. A laugh from Thancred, "So she has a type, I see". Chiding from Alisaie, "In your dreams, she favors elezens. He looked quite average, I've seen many of his sort around Kholusia."

I stiffened when Lua and her conquest arrived, her aether changed even further. I saw his, about the shape of an average hyur, I suppose. It resembled hers, strongly so. I listened to Alisaie's gasp as she realized where she had seen him before. Not an aetherite plaza or the Pendants' lobby, not anywhere in Kholusia. Gone was his own aether save for a small measure, contorted in the pain and rage I had seen on the First. It was enveloped by hers, kind and determined. I burned silently, seizing my opportunity to lash at them both once it was asked how he might be visible to us. He had slinked around in the darkness of our star, plotting our demise. Now in his own world, he had slinked around in the darkness of her secrets. Gaining her trust for whatever ends, convincing her of a hundred years of repentance. I loathed her gullibility, the trust she had shown him for months but failed to confide in us, in me.

Lua

"Y'shtola, I wouldn't have upset the balance of my aether if I had any control over it. I didn't know I was doing it."

She sighed, "I know, but that's hardly the issue now."

"I'm going to find the Exarch, and Emet-Selch. We'll end this."

"Are you so swept up in this infatuation that you've failed to see the ones who love you?"

I stopped my march, pausing to take stock of her. "Y'shtola, I..."

"We've been traveling together for years. Do you know how much we would lose? Not a warrior, but a friend." she snapped quickly, bowing her head down. I spied a single tear slip down her cheek as I reached out to embrace her. She pulled away from me to cry, "You do not know how hard we have worked to see you through this. For you to survive this. We could not bear...I could not bear it."

"Y'shtola, I love you. I love you all. I-" I stuttered, not truly knowing the depth of her emotions or any of the others until she screamed, "Every day, you hide in your books and give one sentence answers to any question. Yet you discover the truth about yourself, where you came from, all of it and you tell him, not your friends. Some man comes to kill you then somehow charmed you for a few months, and he is the first person you think to confide in. Not the Scions, not after years of friendship. I tell you of my time in Raktika, my most secret feelings, I tell you what Runar means to me..." her voice softened, "I take you to meet Master Matoya, but you cannot give a shred of honesty yourself."

Y'shtola

You could describe me as guarded, I suppose. I am not as incapable of love as some might describe me. As Thancred would describe me, at least. I am not so passionless, I had confided as much to her over the years. Long after the others fell asleep, I let myself speak plain. I laughed with her at the beginning of things as we marveled at Thancred's advances towards us in the Waking Sands. Tempting as his offer was, she told me it felt more like a joke than an earnest request for company so she declined every time. I hadn't thought the same. I'd long admired his swiftness in the shadows, eyes only spotting him when he wanted to be seen. Tactless though he may be at times, he did have a way with words. At night, we would gaze out at the deserts of Thanalan, she giggled as I imitated him, "Shtola, my sweet. A flower unplucked, dripping sweeter than any I have tasted in my 3-er, 28 summers!" Horrible, snorting laughter as she played my part in the tale, "Oh my, Thancred, we musn't, the Scions will return ere long" More laughter still as I imitated his swagger, "But Shtola, the table will hold, I only need two minutes." Terrible, howling laughter.

I gave her my confidence once more, not certain that she would return with her own, "Lua, you finally came to us in earnest. We've spent years together, and you finally opened up. Why not this?"

She reached out to me once more, this time grasping me tightly as I finally acquiesced to her embrace, "I didn't want you to look at me the way you look at Emet-Selch. Like any of the Ascians since we learned about the Sundering. The Final Days came for my world, and I couldn't stop it. No one could. I wouldn't do what they have done, I don't harbor the same ideas about the worth of different lives but I thought you might see me differently."

"You fool, you absolute idiot. Of course I would not." I said as I returned her embrace.

"I started remembering things as I came to the First and I've had strange dreams since. I'll tell you every one of them." She did, in great detail as we sat upon the ruins. "At first, I thought perhaps I'd just been reading too much of my book and began dreaming about it." I heard her bag open as she slipped a slim tome into my hands. "It's about a young woman who sees the beginning of the end and begs the people she loves to come with her, but they won't believe that the end is real." I turned it in my hands, intrigued by the premise. "I'd read it to you if you like. I always wanted to share my books with you, I just...trust isn't natural for me. But..." she faltered. "You deserve it. You all do."

Lua

There was a sick truth in Y'shtola's words. Sex was easy for me. After the first time, it was easy to fold myself into physical desire, to speak truth to my lovers. Some of them, at least. I had long feared failing to speak before I lost the time to do so, I had paid that price several times over. I had vowed that I would not, yet I did again and again. This time, I could show up before I lost her, before I lost the others. I read the first few chapters of my pocket sized parable to Y'shtola as we made our way back to the Ondo Cups, pausing briefly to sit and explain small details. The strange devices, the cultural differences. For some, she would laugh in surprise. For others, she would scowl at me. Perhaps amazed that my people would write such horrid things, that our world must be truly lost to create dreadful fiction like this. Or perhaps, she thought that of me, that I must be the product of my star. I hoped not.

Y'Shtola

The story was truly grim, I wondered what kind of person might conjure something like that from their imagination and into the world. Lua insisted that it was written before the Final Days, long before. That most people had an instinct decades before the fact that it was coming, they just didn't know how. She read the entire tome that night, her voice catching as she described the atrocities committed between neighbors. Her voice changed as the story did, as the protagonist discovered the only thing that would save her people even if it couldn't save their star. Kindness. I considered Lauren, the brave protagonist, calling on the weakest of survivors to bear them to safety, viewing them as equals and not a hindrance. Not like the Ascians, no life deserving death to save a precious few. Lauren's words lingered with me, "the only god is change". Not Hydaelyn, not the twelve. A singular god, unrelenting in their power. Though I could not enjoy it alone, I asked that I keep it with me. Perhaps we would read it again together as the road became more challenging, if ever we needed a reminder that we would never consider forsaking any life to save a precious few.

Chapter Text

I couldn't help myself. How absurd it was! The Warrior of Darkness, Ardbert he went by, had found his way into my friend's bed. Long dead Ardbert, not dead after all. When I said as much, he found it as amusing as I had. I took some comfort in the fact that he at the least had a sense of humor.

"How was it that you charmed her?"

"Hoping for a chance yourself?"

"You wound me! I ask simply out of concern for my friend."

"Aye. You've been traveling together for years, she said."

"Indeed."

"I suppose it just happened with time. It was relief beyond imagination for someone to finally be able to see and hear me. I'd had an eternity to consider what had happened, it was a mercy to finally speak it all aloud to someone."

I couldn't imagine. In the years after the death of Minfilia's father, I had considered what happened, my part in it. That felt like an eternity, but a hundred years without the chance to make things right was more than that. I couldn't fathom.

"You received a tongue lashing of the highest order this morning and I won't repeat that. I trust you understand why it happened."

"I would have done the same had I been in the same situation."

I nodded at him vaguely as we continued our walk through town, mindlessly completing chores. I'm sure he would have, he might have done worse. The ferocity he unleashed on me the first we met didn't seem to be that of a cruel man, simply a desperate one. I thought of his tall friend, Blanhaerz, he had called him. "I've died before, Arbert, I'm not afraid to die again." I'm sure Ardbert had done far worse for him, for all of them.

--

I watched from the shadows as Alisaie unleashed her fury on Ardbert. I'd harbored many suspicions about Alisaie's feelings, settling on what became known to all of us as fact. Lua was a sister to her, and her small stature could not betray the ferocity with which Alisaie was willing to release just to keep her sister beside her a little longer. I thought of where I had been, shortly after losing Minfilia.

I did not wish to see Alisaie nor any of the others there as well, but she was wrong. Ardbert was not a villain to us now, even though he was partially the cause for Lua's tentative hold on life. He was under the same burden as us, afraid to lose her. For as little time as they'd spent together, a drop in the ocean of our years with her, he loved her as we had. I couldn't be angry with him now, not in the slightest.

Before we all laid down to rest for the night, I watched him sneak over to Lua's belongings. Not well, mind you. He pulled a book out of her bag, another. He pocketed one, held open the second. Ardbert rummaged through her bag, finding a quill. He wrote quickly, messily before returning the book and quill to her things.

--

We woke shortly after the dawn, assembling our party for the day ahead. I left my tent to find Lua outside of the Ondo Cups, Ardbert showing her proper forms for wielding an axe. She tensed as he strapped it onto her back, his hands slowly leaving her shoulders. She fell backwards from the weight as he howled with laughter, "I thought that might happen. Your center of gravity is lower than mine, let's try again. You'll need to bring your shoulders and chest forward a bit." She gave him a scowl that crumbled into an adoring grin. How could I be angry with him?

Chapter Text

"She was my friend." Alisae said to me, speaking to the ground as her head hung low.

"She still is" I said as I turned around to face her. I suspected she had followed me for some time after Thancred split off from me to complete his own tasks.

"But you...you. You came to the Source to kill her, and now you're chums? More than that? What do you want from her?"

"Nothing, I-"

"To have your body back? Save us all some time and dig it up from the crypt." she spat, daggers boring holes from her eyes into my skin. I had long missed being seen, but I forgot this sensation. Perhaps I didn't miss it all as much as I thought.

Her voice broke as she lowered it, "She's going to become a Sin Eater because you ruined the little balance she does have. The First will be ruined, all over again. Congratulations, you have finished the shoddy job you began a hundred years ago."

My hands balled into fists beside me, tears began to well in my eyes. For a child, she truly knew how to make a person feel like one themselves. Half my height, I felt her tower over me still.

"I love her, Alisae. I know that isn't believable to you right now, and I know you love her too. All of you do, a great many people do."

She laughed mockingly, "Love!"

"I do. I won't insult your intelligence, you're not too young to understand love. I love her and I've had a hundred years to think about what I've done. A hundred years to hope that she takes a different course than I did, and she has. I'm committed to the path you all have chosen. I'm committed to making things right, for all that I've done, including this. I'll pay whatever price I must."

Her face softened as much as her voice had, "I hope that's true."

"I promise you."

I didn't have the heart to see Lua for the rest of the day. We all quietly finished our tasks, gathering our information. We found our path to the Tempests, making our plans to set out in the morning. To think, at that time the night before, I was somewhere else. I was in Lua's bed, amazed by the fact that I could feel anything at all. Laughing at her absurd weakness to me. Fearless, peerless, unmatched in the eyes of so many. Perhaps the truth of her fragility was larger than I'd seen that night, that it all was as the Scions had said. I had broken something, I had stolen something from them. My hunger for her, my need to feel again through her dreams, my unrelenting desire to touch her once I realized I could. Perhaps in the back of my mind, I'd always known I was taking something from her, violating some privacy. Stepping over some line held by the universe, lying to myself that it was not so immutable.

--

My dreams that night were as strange as the night before. I saw her, but with a different face. A new voice. She gazed out at a city wearing the color of a sunset, a knife in her hand. She took her long hair into the other, slicing into it as she discarded the lengths over the side of a balcony. She smiled gently, unburdened by something I couldn't remember.

Another day, I felt the hum of a forest. No breeze, but a hum as if it were alive in a way forests typically were not. I felt like we were being watched. Like she was separate from herself, watching me as I searched for her in the trees. She peeked out from behind a thick trunk before me. Her long hair grazed her face, "Oh" she gasped, "can you hear me?" My voice, yet not my voice answered that he could, that he was sorry. Gently, she told me not to worry. That she'll come back once it's all over.

--

I awoke to her hand on my shoulder, Lua's lips pressed to my ear as she whispered "It's almost dawn, can we talk?" I followed her out of the Ondo Cups, silently not to wake the village. Silently not to give away my growing shame. The distance between us grew a few paces as she slipped between rocks and ruins. I lost sight of her for a moment, jogging to keep up. She peeked from behind a structure, "I'm sorry yesterday was so strange."

"It's not your fault. It's not theirs, either." I said.

"Nor yours," she said lifting herself up onto the top of a rock, "I hope you don't blame yourself."

"I do. I saw your dreams for weeks, and I knew it was wrong. I didn't know how wrong, what I was doing, but I just wanted..." I cringed at the thought of telling her how comforting her touch felt, even if it was just in imagination. I'd been made to feel like a child already, I need not do it to myself.

She patted the place beside her on the rock. "Are you sure that's safe?" I laughed. "What does it matter anymore?" I pulled myself atop it, settling in beside her as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"There's this expression in my world, I heard it in a story. 'All of this has happened before and will happen again.'"

"Do you think that's true?" I asked her as I considered my dream, watching her in another life then waking to watch her here.

"I don't think either of us, the Scions, the Exarch, nor Emet-Selch can control fate. That's out of our hands. What's happening is beyond us now."

"Hah. The Exarch travelled through time, that surely counts as bending fate to your whim?"

She shrugged.

"I suppose you're right. We keep ourselves together, keep our comrades close though they might loathe the thought of me being in that number. We press on."

"Oh, stop it."

"What?"

In a mocking tone, she said "That they might loathe me! Oh, Ardbert."

"They do! And I understand it! I loathed Cyella for her lie, that she would put all I loved in jeopardy."

"But you wouldn't let your rage betray your heart. You chose mercy. You don't know them well, but trust that they would do the same. One day, we'll be laughing at this over an ale in the Rising Stones."

"Let's add another stop."

She pulled away to look up at me as I cast my eyes towards her. "Perhaps there is a way to undo the flood. Then, the islands will be freed from that horrid light. I'll take you to my favorite place. All of my favorite places. I'll take all of the Scions."

She laughed, "Yes! That will be our first move after we stop Emet-Selch."

"We'll get the Exarch to cut loose for once."

I had left purgatory, I suppose but instead traded it for this fresh hell. Every second I touched her, I was compelled beyond my reason and painfully aware of the cost. That time, the last time, was excruciating bliss.

Chapter Text

My village was small, not for lack of trying. I was the last to be born, the very last of my kind. When I was called that, they would not count the one other.

My very first memory was the first of many events where we gathered in the square at the center of town. Every year, our foul goddess would choose to speak to us. Etro's blessing, a young girl, the oracle, trotted out before us to speak the goddess' words to the rest of us. It was never anything of substance, just continued pleas for hope amid the end of things, the final days for us all.

My grandmother told me once before bed about the day they all knew it would be over. For years before that, there was dread. Fighting over resources, petty regional conflicts over land. But one day, a sharp crack met the ears of all. Across our entire world, a crack like a scream coming from the planet itself. Sometime after, the crops began to fail. In a sick twist of fate, it mattered little because there were fewer people to feed.

Children arrived earthside without taking their first breath, many couldn't fall pregnant in the first place. Try and try as they might, no more children were born in our village or any other. I was the very last.

--

I was a small boy, maybe five summers. My mother scraped a comb through my hair to be presentable for the oracle. I scowled, kicked my legs, cried. I didn't see the point of it then, and I would loathe the event more as time wore on. No expense was spared this year. The previous oracle had passed some years before as they are wont to do after seventeen summers. Finally, our new oracle was ready to speak before us.

A band played music too loud for my ears, wilted flower petals showered before the priests as they walked ahead of her. Finally, after much fanfare, I spied a palanquin emerging as I watched on from my father's shoulders. A girl, purple haired as all oracles. About my age. She cried and shrieked, frightened by the crowd. She spoke her same speech, a plea for hope at the end of things. Rejection of the final days.

--

My father passed in my fifteenth summer, his body crumbling and fading like the world around him. I watched him by the firelight, coughing and straining as he passed from nature into eternity. I didn't cry then, I watched my mother cry for us both.

He trained me with his bow for years before that. I'd had my own, but I took up his after we laid him to rest in the barren fields. I traveled far to hunt. Few animals remained, preferring their odds in the deepest forests away from the ruins of civilization.

It was there that I found the oracle. Purple haired, legs dangling in a rushing river. "You'll get caught up in the water if you're not careful" I said from a few yalms behind her. She shook her head, escaping whatever daydream she had been caught up in. She stood slowly, not breaking her eye contact with me. She was beautiful, her eyes the green of my forests. The oracle backed away slowly as she raised her arms, shaking heavily. "I'm Noel, you must be ..?"

She wouldn't answer me. She turned to run, but not as carefully as me. She tripped on one of the many traps I'd set, thankfully the least lethal of them. I caught up to her, straining to free her leg from the trap. She shuddered as my skin brushed hers. I wondered if she had ever had contact with a person outside of the temple.

"Let me go!" she cried.

"I'm trying!"

"They'll be angry if they know I left."

"I'm sure. Here, I'll hold it open if you can pull your leg."

She whimpered before her soft sound gave way to a scream as she pulled her limb away from the steel trap. Her leg was absolutely mangled.

"I-I can't go back like this." she stuttered, her eyes welling with tears.

"Here, I'll run back to town and grab some supplies. Let me...hm." I paused to open my bag, but none of my supplies would help in the short term. I took off my sash and wrapped her leg. She followed my gesture to rest against a tree as I brought her my bag to prop her leg upon.

--

I returned, and gratefully she got to keep her leg! Jokes aside, she returned many times after that. Not immediately, of course. Some months after, she would return to tell me about her ruse to hide her injury. She insisted to the priests that Etro had called her to meditate deeply in silence and solitude for a period of months. She opted to wear long robes in this quest, all to hide her healing injury.

She told me much and more after that. I showed her the locations of my traps, and she found me safely on each of my hunts. I showed her how to use my bow, in return she told me how foul it was to be an oracle. The dismissiveness of her eternal guardian, Caius, the coldness he showed her.

"It's probably not a pleasant experience to raise a child every seventeen years only to watch them die." I told her.

"Certainly. Still, it's so lonely. I wish..." she paused to gaze out at the same river I'd first spied her at. "I wish I really knew anyone. I wish I could speak as myself, not a mouthpiece for some fickle goddess. Even you, you just call me 'The Oracle'"

"You've never told me your name, you just complain about being a pampered prince-oh, forgive me, oracle."

"Yeul. My name is Yeul."

--

Yeul loathed Etro. She loathed the visions Etro showed her, of our skies burning red, of stars crashing into the surface of our world, of every day people becoming foul beasts. She told me her deepest wish.

"If I could end all of this and set the world right, I think I'd live on a beach."

"A beach? How do you even know what a beach is?"

"I've seen them in books. There's a painting of one in my favorite story. I think I'd fish all day."

"I'd fish with you, I'm quite good."

"So I've seen. Would you live with me?"

I blushed at her suggestion. She was truly quite beautiful. Her face was so soft, her eyes so kind. At the world's end, we cast off tomorrow. We had cast off yesterday. I hadn't considered anyone to be a lover, nearly everyone was vastly older than me. I hadn't considered Yeul, she was approaching her seventeenth summer. I knew that she would die, and that she was not mine. She belonged to our horrid little village at the end of the world.

"I would, if you'd have me."

"Then we'd live there, on the beach. And we'd fill the whole house with babies."

My face grew hot. "I-Yeul" I stuttered. She laughed heavily, more heartily than any day past. I softened at the sight of her. "Is seven enough?" I asked. "No, fourteen. Twenty."

--

Our village was small, but not for lack of trying. My visits with Yeul were weekly until they were every few days, until they were daily. She had become skilled at sneaking out of her prison to navigate the forests. We built a small...house is too generous a word. But it was ours. We built a small house in the forest. I met her there every day to insist my love for her, to try to give her all she wanted. I gave her myself, I gave her my dignity as I apologized for my inexperience. She gave me her forgiveness in my fumbles and my overexcitement.

--

Our visits ended with a visit from Caius himself. I proudly marched into our home in the trees to find not my lover, but her guardian.

"Yeul is not as clever as she thinks. Neither are you, boy."

I tensed as I watched the man sit atop our makeshift bed. He bounced slightly, judging the craftsmanship. "I will not tell your parents, nor the priests, nor the village." he said, eyes washing over Yeul's things on a shelf.

"How did you find this place?"

"Like I said, she is not as clever as she thinks. She leaves a clear trail, never thinking how it came to be that she could escape in the first place."

My brow raised, he answered my silent question "How do you think it was that she could leave the temple in increasing frequency? How is it that the windows are left unlocked, that the gate is left attended at the correct hour?"

"Why would you help her leave?"

"Do you really think I'm so cruel, boy? I have watched her live and die. I have watched her take her first breaths and her last a thousand, thousand times. Do you think I wish this? Do you think this was my choice? Do you really think me so stupid that I would choose to be the puppet of a foul god?"

To tell the truth, I hadn't thought much of him at all. He was simply part of the parade that rolled through my town each year, an obstacle to Yeul reaching me. "No, sir."

"Relax, Noel. If you wish to see her again- yes, I would allow you to see her. If you wish to see her again, you must prove that you can do what is required."

"I would do anything."

"I hope for us both that is true."

--

I spied Yeul in the temple. Her eyes widened as she saw me walk with Caius, mouthing words I couldn't interpret. Every day, I trained with him. I thought that I was good with my bow, but Caius proved my inability with knives and swords. I read until my eyes burned, I punched targets until my hands bled.

"When will this be done?" I asked through panting breaths.

"You will receive the Heart of Chaos when you can prove that you deserve it." he replied.

"What does that take?"

"Everything."

I loathed his riddles. When I thought he might not be watching, though I'm sure he always watched from some distance, I explored the temple. I found my way to Yeul's chambers. Incense burned, hanging thick in the air. I found her paintings, paintings of me as I nocked my bow in focused determination. So many paintings of me, of my village. One of a cottage on a beach.

I heard her footsteps rushing towards me as her door slammed shut. She held me tightly, arms wrapping around me from behind my back. "How did you get in here?" she said in a bitter whisper.

"I came with Caius."

"Why?" she begged.

"I'm going to...I'm going to take on the Heart of Chaos. To be eternal like him."

"I-I just...Noel, why would you do something so stupid?"

"To free you from this."

"He's been alive for an eternity and he can't."

"Because he won't, because he hasn't tried everything. Yeul, if I had that kind of time, I would...I would do anything."

--

Our world had dragged on for so long. Years after that horrid crack sounded from the earth, we found ways to survive. We found food, we found shelter, we kept each other alive for as long as we could. We had forsaken our gods, praying to one alone. We held parades, we listened to every word, we sacrificed her emissaries to dutifully honor her. Still, we could not forestall the final days.

I trained from sunrise to sunset every day. My grandmother passed, my mother passed. I vowed that Yeul would not. The sky began to burn red, the laws of nature twisted as the gentle animals of our forest became foul beasts. Soon, our remaining people would find the same fate, our dread made manifest. They grew fearful, descending into madness before they transformed. The land buckled, our village burned, the waters ran red with blood. What little we had left fell away, naught was left but the temple.

On the final day, the beasts began to breach the walls of the temple. I dragged Yeul behind me as we ran to the crypts. I felled beast after beast, friend after friend. Neighbor after neighbor. I begged that I would not fall to my despair, that I could remain to protect her.

It was too late. Yeul had begun to lose control of herself for some time, I prayed that some way, some how, she could hold on longer. Perhaps she was special, perhaps by sheer force of will, I could keep her from the fate that had befallen every oracle I could.

She collapsed as I sealed the crypt's door behind us. I ran to catch her, to hold her as the light began to leave her. I held her tightly in both arms, begging her not to leave. I begged her not to leave me here at the end of the world. The walls of the crypt began to crumble around us, rocks falling from the ceiling.

She looked into my eyes, and I caught hers. Deep forests, piercing through me. She sang softly, "Valhalla is calling me to the end, I can hear now the beating hearts of lost friends" I promised her, I would see her alive again. I would find her. I would break this cycle, and we would find our home on the beach.

A splitting headache overtook me, I lost my vision until I found myself somewhere else. I thought perhaps I'd died, that a rock had hit my head. I was weightless, swimming in a sea of stars before a crystal as tall as the buildings of old. A voice called out to me, "Welcome and well met, my brave little spark. She heard your promise and the gods heard it too."

"The gods?"

"Yes, my poor, suffering dear. I would offer you another chance. Another chance to make good on your words."

I searched for a face, a body, anyone. Anyone to unleash my fury upon. "Another chance? I will not-I will not hear this farce. Now you choose to offer help?" I struggled, to no avail.

"Do not struggle, my sweet child. I will take your soul to the beginning of things, to the days before this madness. l will give you another chance and bear you to a perfect world, a world unsundered. Your souls together, whole, you can stop the Final Days before it ever begins."

I weighed her offer. How could I trust Etro, foul and fickle? How could I trust this god that would birth new oracles, throwing them into the fire since time immemorial? She spoke to me again, "If you fail, the world will be sundered once more. The tragedy that has befallen this star will take place once again. You will be caught in the same cycle, like Yeul, like Caius. You will live and die, struggling against fate. You will watch her die time and time again until you succeed."

I would not fail, I could not. Even if I tried many times, I had promised her I would break her cycle of death and rebirth. I would give her peace, fishing on the beach, a house full of life. She asked me "What would you do to make good on your promise to her?"

I had trained, I had given all I had. I had given Yeul all of myself. Still, I would do more. I would have done any task Caius asked of me, I would have hoped against hope to give Yeul her wishes.

"I would do anything."

Chapter Text

If she needed a push, I would be right there behind her. If she lost control, I would try my best to stop her. We continued our walk towards the Ondo Cups as she reflected on her lack of skills, "I've always been afraid to tank."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Oh, so much responsibility." she lamented.

"You were a white mage for years, deciding who lives and dies is responsibility enough."

"I know, but I can't really read maps. I'd hate it if everyone relied on me to know my way around a dungeon."

"Truthfully? I never did. I just guessed and was frequently lucky."

She laughed at me then, stopping to look on at my axe. "I've been meaning to ask..." she stiffened, preparing for her question, "What's going on with the blood? Is that paint? How does it stay on? Why is it there?"

I had waited so long for anyone to ask. I launched into my tale, talking with my hands as I described the terrible deeds of a Dark Lord, brought low by my very axe. It had been sealed away for ages after each wielder had been driven mad by the cursed blood that remained upon it. Her eyes widened before her face split apart into a grin, raucous laughter leaving her lips. "That explains much" she cried.

"Ha ha. Would you like to go mad as well? You've truly never wielded an axe?"

"Not ever."

I held it before her as she grasped the handle, considering the blood along the blade. I showed her my forms, something easy enough for a beginner. I carefully strapped it to her back, insisting that she try the very first step, swiftly retrieving it for battle. My hands gripped her shoulders as she adjusted to the weight. Confidently, she said "Yes, I've got this. Okay." As soon as my hands left her shoulders, she fell backwards. I could not control myself, I howled with laughter at her expense. I thought as much would happen, I did not correct her posture when she leaned her shoulders back, proud to carry my axe.

She could not help herself either, her scowl was weak, yielding to a grin as I helped her onto her feet. We tried again and before long she showed me her attempts at my forms. She would make a fine warrior, I thought.

--

The Tempests were breathtaking. An entire city, conjured up from memory. I thought of the places I'd seen, wishing I could recreate the vast lands of my star. That I could even recreate the places from my dreams, all the strange cities I had found Lua in.

I felt the book hiding in my armor, Lua's book. It burned as I held the secret from her. I could have asked her to read them aloud to me, but she had done enough during my time of incorporeality. Instead, I secreted it out of her belongings the night before and hungrily read about an adventuring sheep herder. She slept yalms away from me as I thought of him, seeking his life's purpose as the beautiful maiden trusted the winds to return him back to her. Perhaps I would not be called upon to do the unthinkable. I would not need to cut her down as the light overtook her. We would end Emet-Selch, we would return to the Pendants as heroes, showered in ale and flowers. She might never need return to the Source, she might stay and help me banish the light from this star. She might let me build her a cabin near the sea, she might cut my hair as we sit in the grass rather than laughing at me for cutting it myself with an axe. Though I wasn't a fancy lord or a prince, she might stay and be nothing but an adventurer with me.

--

A piercing headache siezed me, my vision lost to blinding light before it was replaced with something else. Another place, another time. A moment from a dream I'd had weeks before, though this time I was not a character, merely the audience. This time, Lua watched beside me. We watched a boy, not even 18 summers, holding a girl of the same age. She sang to him, her voice breaking as the life began to leave her.

"Valhalla is calling me to the end, I can hear now the beating hearts of lost friends"

I came towards them, but my gestures caught no eye. I could hear him whispering as he leaned into her limp body. "I promise you, I will end this. I would give anything. I will end this. I will see you alive again, I will give you all that I said. We will be alive again together, and I will end this." Another voice spoke, our fickle Hydaelyn. "She heard your promise, the gods heard it too."

Our presence returned to us as the headache subsided and our shared vision disappeared. "A promise?" Lua asked to herself.

We pressed on further, to confront Emet-Selch.

--

When she needed a push, I was behind her. She faltered as we watched Emet-Selch's memory of the Final Days, impossibly tall buildings crumbling around us.

"The land buckled, the cities burned, the water ran red with blood."

She paused to consider his words as a foul beast raced to meet her. I shoved her away before I held the monster's fury with my axe. We ran, as fast as our feet would take us. We ran as we did in dreams before, now in the Ascian's nightmare.

--

She fought valiantly, she always did. The warmth of her aether consumed me, I felt only a thud as Hades struck his blows as she danced her samba to shield me. Valiant as she was, as the dreaded night continued, I saw her weakness begin to overtake her. I thought of the night before, slinking around in the darkness to be alone with her one last time. I thought of the night before that, desperate to feel something again. I hadn't meant to steal her aether, I hadn't. The second night, I knew, but I couldn't stop myself.

I watched her knees buckle as she held her head, I heard a faint crack as she began to come undone by the light. I hadn't meant any of this. Alisae's cruel voice spoke in my mind just as clearly as if she was saying it to me again. I looked at my hands as my own head began to ache, cursing myself for what I had done, what I had stolen from her. From them all, from all the shards if she were to fall that day. We collapsed together, stricken by the Echo. I saw Lua again, bathed in the light of the Mothercrystal.

"Well come and well met, my brave little spark. How long you've wandered." Not Hydaelyn. Another.

"Adrift in a stranger's galaxy. For how long? Why?" Lua asked.

"My most pitiful. My suffering dears. The gods heard your promise, to end this cycle of birth and rebirth. Unto you I have given a chance to make good on those words. I plucked you from ruin, from the end. I brought you into a loop of time, reborn to try again together."

I thought of the many lives I had lived in dreams, alive alongside Lua until suddenly, terribly, I was not.

"I gave you all I could offer. I let you reenter the stream of life at the beginning, on Etheirys. Alive together as one soul in a perfect world. I thought that you could overcome the challenge destined for this star, by the sheer strength of your conviction."

"My conviction?" I asked.

"On that star, the thirteenth. I brought you back from that place, back to the beginning for a chance to make things right, to save your kind. Yet, you failed. The world was sundered, and you were cursed to live in shattered reflections. Separate from each other, living again in all of your failed lives until you could make it right. Many times over you failed, countless times your chances squandered. On each star, you lived as neither truly you nor the other, an imperfect combination of both your souls, struggling to be made whole again."

"Yet another chance, I bore your souls unto other stars, more distant stars. I had hoped that if I freed you of the yoke of Etheirys, you might have a chance. Perhaps you would learn there and I could bring you to this place when you were ready. I tried. I truly did believe in your promise, in the strength of mankind."

I watched Lua, eyes twinkling in the crystal's glow. "I won't fail this time. I won't let her fall this day, we will save the First. We will save all of the remaining shards, we will stop the Final Days."

"Truly? What would you give to make that so?"

"I would give anything."

--

I watched her on the floor of this horrible dream Emet-Selch had conjured for our battle. I lifted her up by her hands, I asked her, "If you could take another step, would you?" Her words wouldn't come, I watched her mouth try to form them but fail to make sound. "We fight as one" I told her, holding her face in my hands. I felt the weight of my words, my promise, as I began to lose myself. I lost the sensation of her skin against mine, the feeling of the ground beneath me. I lost it all to blinding light, becoming one with hers. I had vowed that I would never leave her, I had promised her my axe. I had promised so many things, that this time on this star, I would not fail.

The last sensation I would ever feel in that life, I felt her hands as my own, casting the axe into Hades, splitting into his chest. My voice from her lips, "This is not your world to end. This is our story." Our story. Words I'd said in another life, several lives. The last I spoke it in battle with her by my side, I meant it then just as deeply as I had as we faced Hades. I'm not so high minded to say that I know about the strength of mankind, of all our bretheren among these many stars, but I know the strength that I gave her that day. My last, all I had left. I gave everything. I promised I would.

Chapter Text

When my mother died many years ago, I felt her death weeks before the final day. She had been clever, her humor sharp. She was shrewd with people, always knowing their ways as soon as she saw them. She was shrewd in situations, always knowing what to do. I hardly felt that myself. In the days before her death, so much was asked of me. Before her body was even cold, I was asked to plan all the tasks of the days after. People to contact, arrangements to be made.

I thought I would crumble under the weight of it. She had always known what to do, but now she was lost to a deep sleep in a bed across the country. Every day, I felt her. I felt her life leaving her body and entering mine. I felt her strength. I made her final arrangements, settled her matters. I went to her, holding her cold hand as the last of her shrewdness, her ferocity, her strength left her and found me.

--

I felt Ardbert's aether, I felt his spirit leaving him. I thought that he would leave me. I thought he had broken the promises he had repeated to me in dreams, before the Mothercrystal, to my face in our waking lives. I grasped at him, my hands finding nothing to hold onto as he faded away. I put my hand atop his, trying to hold my face. I felt the last of his life leave him as it found me. I used his strength and settled his matters, our matters on the First. We ended this calamity together.

I made vows of my own that day. I would remember for Emet-Selch, for Hades. I would remember that the Ascians had lived, all that he had done to try to keep them with him. I remembered for Ardbert and all that his party had done to try to keep the First safe, to keep their world from shattering once more.

I took up an axe for a while, I think my forms improved. I practiced in the clearing outside the Crystarium for some time before I hid it away below my bed.

--

Once we arrived home, G'raha returned to us, all Scions in tact, I slept a long dreamless sleep. At least twenty hours, I was dead to the world. The next day, I made for the aetherite plaza. I wrapped myself in my thickest coat and braced myself for the cold. As promised, the winds of Ishgard nipped at my nose on arrival. I pulled my hood over my head and quietly walked off to House Fortemps. Two, four, six hands pulled me into the house.

"Lua! Not a single missive!" Emmanellain cried.

"How could she? She was on another star." Artoirel shouted in my defense.

"Ah ah, no, I had heard that there was some communication. A-forgive me, a fairy? A fairy was communicating on your behalf?" Lord Edmont asked.

"What would you have believed if I sent you missives by fairy post? How ridiculous does that sound?" I asked.

"I would have liked to know something. The last I saw you, you were recovering from a nearly fatal wound." Edmont scowled.

"I'm sorry. I-god." I leapt up to embrace him, one hug of countless over the next several days.

--

With the dawn, I found my way outside to search for Aymeric. With luck, his door keeper told me that he was finishing breakfast and guided me to the table.

"My friend!" Aymeric bellowed, "I had not heard that you were home!"

"I snuck in last night. I wanted to catch some time with you before work."

"Full glad I am that you did. Sit. You must be hungry."

Like many days past, we traded stories over a meal. When the bell tolled, I walked him to the Congregation arm in arm. Something was the same. My feelings had changed as I'm sure his had, but after it all, I had my friend back.

--

Another day, another battle. The Scions traveled to meet the Telophoroi, to confront the beginning of the Final Days. At night, I would bring out my notebook. I would read the stories Ardbert asked me to write down and make good on my promise to remember for him. I read his horrible chicken scratch hand writing, wondering when he had the time to do it. I read the poem he left, bringing my guitar to play his melody, wishing he could sing the words to me again.

One brings shadow, one brings light
Two-toned echoes tumbling through time

One brings shadow, one brings light
Wandering ended, futures aligned

One brings shadow, one brings light
One more chapter we've yet to write

Chapter Text