Chapter Text
When they returned to Nur, things were much like they had been before and yet very different. Fourteen had her duties and training on the moon, but her distrust of the other Inquisitors - particularly the Seventh Sister - meant that Kanan was no longer relegated to sitting alone in her cabin. Instead, she dragged him along, all throughout the Inquisitorious so she could keep an eye on him.
On one hand, it was kind of nice to know that he had a guardian at all times to protect him. But mostly, it was terrifying. On a practical level, he understood that he was safer staying with Fourteen at all times, but it also meant he was constantly under the eyes of the other Inquisitors. Most either ignored him or regarded him with disgust. The few others... well, they were not so different from Seven. It was a look Kanan knew well.
But none of them dared to make a move on him under Fourteen's watchful eye. Particularly since she seemed to have some of the Grand Inquisitor's favor. From his few impressions of the Grand Inquisitor, Kanan didn't think he would appreciate the other Inquisitors wasting time with the likes of a thing like him.
Kanan was not clear on the nature of their relationship. They would train at times, yes, but it did not feel like a master and apprentice sort of relationship. But the few times Kanan saw him with other Inquisitors, he seemed.... colder. Less forgiving.
Perhaps Kanan was just seeing things. Or making up little narratives in his head to occupy the boredom that plagued him as he watched Fourteen go about her day.
It made their evenings all the more to be savored. Even if she had run herself ragged, Fourteen still made time to train Kanan further. Although thankfully she didn't push him as hard as she had after they had left Maze and the others back on Alderaan.
Countless days and weeks passed like this. Really, the only thing that marked the passing time was Kanan's improvement in his training. While Fourteen focused on combat (and frankly, he couldn't tell if he was making improvements on that front), Kanan had found that it was becoming easier to stay focused. His mind didn't feel so much like a jumble of mismatched pieces. He had even begun to meditate during the day, which helped pass the time.
And then things changed.
"I've been given a mission," Fourteen said, her voice clipped. "We leave tomorrow morning."
Kanan nodded slowly as he followed closely behind her. This was her purpose, to serve the Inquisitorious and by extension the Empire. In the past, she didn't seem particularly bothered by this fact, fully accepting her role as the Fourteenth Sister.
But from the way she spoke of this mission, the agitated twitch in her lekku, it was different. How? Kanan had no idea, and he wasn't particularly inclined to ask.
They went through their normal evening routine, although it was obvious that Fourteen was distracted. When going through the forms, she didn't bother trying to encourage Kanan to be more aggressive like she usually did. They just went through the base forms... before she declared that they were done, ordering him to clean up and get ready to sleep, stating that she wanted to get an early start tomorrow.
Again, Kanan didn't question it. He had hardly built up a sweat, so he didn't bother with the sonic shower. He brushed his teeth and washed his face before retreating to his corner. He curled up in his nest and waited for Fourteen to turn out the lights.
Fourteen spent longer in the refresher as usual. The sonic shower could be heard running for nearly an hour. When she finally came out, she looked annoyed, rubbing the tense muscles on the the back of her neck.
"Are... Are you okay...?" Kanan asked hesitantly.
"I'm fine," she snapped. She turned the lights off before tucking into her bunk.
Well, that certainly put an end to that. With a small huff, Kanan curled up on the ground. For a while, he kept an eye on Fourteen's form in the darkness, wondering what she was upset about. Of course, it was pointless to speculate, so eventually he closed his eyes and tried his best to fall asleep.
When he did, it did not last long
She shivered and rocked herself in the corner of the cell. It wasn't just cold, there was something wrong with this place. The Force was quivering with cold intent, and all she wanted to do was go home.
Of course, what home? Clone Troopers had invaded their temple, they had shot some of her friends... It was only because of Master Cere and Trilla that she and a few others had escaped at all.
Until Cere abandoned them.
She jumped as the door to her cell opened. Scrambling to her feet, she put up her fists in a useless gesture that she would not go down without a fight. As if she had any chance.
It was a tall Pau'an, clad in black with yellow eyes. He was flanked by two troopers clad in black plasteel armor not dissimilar from clone armor.
The Pau'an stepped inside, not at all concerned by the small girl's silent threat. "Hello there, child," he said with a slight smile. "I am the Grand Inquisitor."
She had nothing to say to that except to raise her fists higher, hoping the shake in her limbs wasn't too obvious.
The Grand Inquisitor chuckled at that. "That's good. You've got some fighting spirit along with that fear. We will help you learn to use those properly." He turned to the troopers. "Take her to the interrogation chamber. We will begin immediately."
They descended on her, and she reacted instinctively, crying out as she flung her hands forward. Both troopers were thrown backward with startled yelps, their bodies crashing against the far wall before crumpling to the ground.
Her heart was pounding as she darted for the door. She had no idea where she was going, but surely anywhere would be better than here.
There was a sudden sharp pain at the base of her tchun as it was grabbed and yanked. She screamed as she was dragged backwards and then lifted off the floor by her lek. Sobbing at the intense pain, she reached up desperately to try and free herself from the punishing grip.
"I see that you're going to need a firmer hand."
Kanan woke up with a slight start. He pressed a hand against chest, feeling his racing heart. For once, his body was trembling with fear and pain that was not his own. It was echoes, memories, that belonged to...
A small moan drew his attention to the bunk. Fourteen was curled up on her side, her back to him. Her lekku were stiff and pressed firmly to her back with distress.
It was her nightmare, her memories. A small insight - the only one he's gotten - into how Fourteen became.... well the Fourteenth Sister.
He gazed at her back, at a loss for what to do. It was obvious that she was suffering. It seemed cruel to keep her locked away in that nightmare, but to touch his better, to shake her awake, would risk punishment.
But then there was a small whimper and his mind was made up. He crawled over to her bunk, holding a hand over her shoulder, hesitating for only a moment before grasping it. "Fourteen," he whispered, giving her a little shake. "Fourteen, wake up..."
There was a sharp cry and a flurry of movement. Kanan gasped in shock, blinking rapidly as he realized that he was pinned to the ground, Fourteen on top of him with a hand around his throat. Her teeth were bared and her eyes were wild with fear and anger.
Surprisingly, Kanan wasn't afraid and he relaxed beneath her. "Sorry," he apologized weakly.
Just like that, the feral expression melted away as her gaze fully focused on his face. She was panting as she gave a small frown. "Kanan? What are you doing?"
He swallowed, fully aware of the hand still around his throat. "Y-You were having a nightmare..."
Several quiet moments passed before she realized what had happened. With a harsh scowl, she abruptly got up and began to pace the small space, her lekku stiff and twitching in frustration. "I was fine," she growled. "Nothing I haven't dealt with before..."
Kanan slowly propped himself up onto his arms, watching her warily. As a couple of the ill-fitting pieces in his mind began to fit together, he wanted to ask her about the dream, the context, the timing... But he was still a cowered. While she had never hurt him before, he had never inquired about her past. It was a topic neither of them particularly wanted to dwell on.
Fourteen came to an abrupt halt, huffing as she reached up and squeezed the base of her lekku. "It's fine," she muttered under her breath. Then she turned to Kanan. "Go back to bed," she ordered. "And next time... just let me sleep."
With a curt nod, Kanan quickly crawled back to his pile. By the time he had curled up and settled onto it, Fourteen was already back on her bunk, laying with her back to him.
He couldn't know for sure, but he suspected neither of them got any more sleep that night.
Everything was fine. There was no reason this mission in particular should be upsetting her. It was as much a part of her duties as any other mission objective.
She hated that a small part of her mind was stubbornly aware that she was lying to herself.
Fourteen glared at the swirl of hyperspace. Usually it soothed her, feeling like she was back in her element. In hyperspace, one could even imagine that they were in a dimension outside of time and space, a temporary reprieve from the chaotic and cruel galaxy. That wasn't true of course, but it was a nice thought.
Today it offered her no such comfort or delusion. And that made her even more angry and frustrated. Her muscles were tense and her mind refused to calm down. She was in desperate need of a distraction. Unfortunately, she had already gone though every possible diagnostic, tweaking and calibrating every corner of the ship. The only distraction left was Kanan, and she just... couldn't stand to be around him right now. The man was too perceptive for his own good, and his concern and worry was grating against her nerves.
And it wasn't just that. In the last few weeks of training, something had begun to shift. While Kanan hadn't had any more outbursts, his skittishness and irrational fear was gradually beginning to fade. Little by little, the man Kanan could be was slowly being brought out, although she would not be able to describe who exactly that man was. Whoever he was, it was making Fourteen increasingly uncomfortable. He was oddly... familiar. She felt like she was being seen, and she did not like it.
It's not like they really needed to train anymore. Kanan might still shy away from aggression, but it was obvious he was capable of fighting and defending himself. In fact, between his old training coming back and his physical size, Fourteen had become uncomfortably aware that Kanan was capable of besting her in combat if he wanted to. So the original purpose of their daily sessions was now defunct. She had simply continued with them because...
Because...
Fourteen groaned, curling in on herself slightly as she squeezed her lekku to the point of pain. She didn't want to give this feeling, this knowledge, any sort of acknowledgement. Not even in the privacy of her own mind. Even so, shame burned in her belly. The feeling had been growing steadily in recent days, and her mind had been circling around it, terrified to touch it. If it had been fleeting, it would have been easier to accept it. But no.
This was what she had wanted: to undo the psychological damage and trauma that had destroyed Kanan's sense of self and personhood. To build him up into the man he would have been had he never been taken by Jabba. But now that it was happening...
She scowled. "Don't think about it."
But what else could she think about? The mission?
She hit the console with a fist. "Of course it had to be me," she murmured. There had been no rhyme or reason for her to get this particular mission, they tended to be random. Perhaps distributed based on one's skill level, but even then. This mission was nothing. One of the Purge Troopers could have carried out this mission.
Kanan was going to be a problem. How much of a problem remained to be seen. Ironically, he probably would have been less of a problem if he was fresh from Jabba's palace.
Although, after that incident with that Twi'lek child, perhaps not.
This was ridiculous. Training Kanan was better than chasing her own mind in circles. Feelings be damned, they were in the last stretch of their three day journey and she couldn't take it anymore. Some distraction from her brain was better than none.
She marched down to the cargo bay, and Kanan stood demurely. "Let's train," she said bruskly.
Kanan didn't bring up the fact that she had been avoiding him these last couple days. He just nodded and raised his arms in ready position. Fourteen both appreciated and hated it. Repeatedly, she had to tell her self not to think of this mission, of Kanan, of anything.
It was actually nice. They went through the forms in a mechanical manner. It did not pass her awareness she was now using the same the coping method Kanan had used in the beginning. Focusing on the movement, the action and reaction of the pseudo-fighting, it filled her brain enough to push out all of her problems.
Then she was suddenly pushed up against the wall. She blinked rapidly, having no recollection of what just happened. They were both panting heavily, their clothes damp with sweat. Fourteen wasn't even sure how long they had been sparring for.
Kanan was right there, one of his arms raised and pinning her wrists above her head, the other bracing against the wall. He was a wall of muscle, his grip on her ironclad. If he had wanted to keep her pinned, she would have had to resort to using the Force to get him off of her. This show of strength was in stark contrast to the soft expression of concern Kanan had as he gazed down at her.
And it made that infernal feeling stir.
"You're unfocused," he said simply. "What's wrong?"
It should have been at this point that she pulled away, fully disengage from this fight. Instead, she let that feeling grow into warmth in her belly. For a moment neither of them moved or spoke, only the sounds of their panting filled the space between them.
Despite having briefly surrendered herself to this feeling, she managed to give him a slight glare. "Nothing is wrong."
Then, the slave in Kanan suddenly returned, his eyes widening as he quickly let her go and took a couple steps back. At least he didn't scramble to apologize. That was progress. He worried his hands together as he looked away slightly. "I can tell something's wrong." His face still pointed away, his eyes swiveled back up to not quite her face. "Something's changed."
"Nothing has changed," Fourteen said curtly. "Yes, this mission isn't strictly one that I've done before, and it might be throwing me off a bit, but I will be fine." She let out a harsh sigh as she reached up and squeezed the base of her lekku. None of this was what she wanted to be thinking about. At least now that feeling was gone. Although the look Kanan was giving her promised that it was never too far away.
"I'm going to wash up," she grumbled, making her way over to the ladder to the upper level. Hopefully enough time had passed that once she had showered and changed her clothes, they would be close to their destination.
She just... needed her mind to stop.
Chapter Text
There was definitely something different about this mission. Not only did Fourteen continue to have nightmares, their old routine had broken, Fourteen ceasing their daily training.
The lack of a routine didn't bother him as much as it used to. Now that he had figured out how to properly meditate again, he could spend the empty time doing just that. And now that they were off Nur, he could do so without exposing himself to the sickly cold that permeated the entire moon.
It was reminiscent of days long past, days he hardly let himself think about. It was a relief to be able to finally meditate, to find his center and slowly stitch his stray thoughts together into something coherent. It was also a little terrifying. The last time he felt like this much of a person was during the Clone Wars, a time he would really rather not think about.
Which he knew was absurd. He couldn't think about his recent years on Tatooine, he couldn't think about the Clone Wars, he couldn't think about his life back at the Temple... all too painful for different reasons. All he could think about with safety was the present.
Although that slipped into a precarious cycle. Flashes of memories he wasn't quite able to acknowledge yet. Recently, every time he would catch sight of Fourteen, those memories would stir. And each time, he had to undo himself just a little to keep from them from truly taking form.
It almost happened again when Fourteen finally decided she did want to spar. Her form had been sloppy, her reaction time slower than usual. It was obvious that her mind was not actually here in the present, and Kanan's old fighter instincts got the best of him. It was almost shocking how easy it had been to pin her and cut their session short. He had looked down at those red eyes wide with shock, so unnatural on a face that was so familiar...
"I wanna go again!"
He shied away from both her and the memory. Undo himself just enough to keep himself sane.
He knew he couldn't do it forever, but for now...
The hyperdrive powered down, and Kanan opened his eyes as he came out of his pseudo meditative state. Leaning the back of his head against the wall, he waited to see if it would power up again - indicating that this was just another jumping point - or if the Hannigan would begin to shake, indicating that they were entering atmosphere and thus had arrived at the location of Fourteen's mission.
It turned out to be the latter, which had Kanan letting out a shuddered sigh. He still had no idea what Fourteen's mission was. If not killing a Jedi or freeing slaves - as he highly doubted the Empire gave a kriff about slavery - what in stars would be important enough to send an Inquisitor?
Only moments after the engine powered down, there was the sound of boots against durasteel as Fourteen descended the ladder. "This shouldn't take long," she said, avoiding looking in his direction. "Really it's just paperwork."
Kanan frowned. That only brought up more questions. An Inquisitor being sent thousands of parsecs to do paperwork?
The ramp began to lower as she finished tightening her armor and secured her saber to her back. She straightened and was about to walk out before she stiffened, her lekku twitching with agitation. Slowly, she turned back toward him slightly, although still avoiding eye contact. "Kanan, go upstairs and stay there until I retrieve you."
His stomach clenched uncomfortably as he slowly pushed himself up to his feet. "Why...?"
"Just do it!"
Kanan flinched at the harsh snarl, instinctual fear shooting down his spine. "O-Okay," he stammered quickly.
That was enough for her, not bother to respond as she walked off the ship, the ramp closing behind her.
Kanan was shaking slightly as he climbed up to the upper level. Usually when Fourteen accidentally scared him, she would take a moment to either apologize or try to calm him down, and the fact that she hadn't this time...
He paused on the ladder, hitting the side of his head. "Stop it," he growled. With a huff, he finished the climb before wrapping his arms around himself and trudging into the common area. He got to the middle of the small space and just stood there, unsure what to do with himself. Fourteen was officially starting to freak him out. The lack of routine might not bother him much anymore but she had still been an anchor. Now she wasn't. Because of this damned mission was doing something to her, and it made him feel a little unhinged.
Kanan groaned as he sank to his knees, tucking himself in the small space between a bolted down stool and the wall. He grabbed at the longer strands of hair and pulled at them, upset that the pieces in his mind were starting to drift apart again. He felt stupid for feeling neglected just because she yelled at him. It was his fault for not just following her orders, for questioning them. Really he was lucky she hadn't given him proper punishment.
No, she wouldn't do that, she's shown over and over again she won't hurt him. Fourteen was the kindest master he could have ever asked for. So she had barked at him for being disobedient. So what?
Letting out a shaky sigh, Kanan forced his fingers to let go of his hair before tucking his hands between his thighs and calves. He was rocking slightly as he closed his eyes and tried to find his center again. Stop thinking about what was going on around him, the ifs and whens. There was no point in trying to overthink and figure out what was going on. He needed to go back to his old ways of shutting down and just let the universe move around him.
But it wasn't happening. Minutes passed, feelings and anxiety and thoughts were still floating through his head, sticky as they brushed against each other. They wanted to badly to come together, to turn the world around him into coherence.
Kanan growled, digging his nails into his legs. It used to be so easy. It had been his entire existence for so long. Why couldn't he go back to it now? Why was his brain so insistent on continuing to think?
There was a loud groan of straining metal that made him startle. He sat up slightly, his heart pounding as he kept himself from dashing down to greet his master. The order was clear: he was to wait up here. All he could do was listen to the slow opening and closing of the ship's ramp, the distant echo of footsteps that became ever less distant...
Kanan scrambled to his feet, shame burning his cheeks at this pitiful state he had been languishing in. "Y-You're back..." he stated dumbly.
"It's done," she said curtly, her body moving stiffly and her lekku twitching. "I want you to stay up here until we get back to Nur, you understand me?"
Kanan just nodded slowly, although curiosity was gnawing at him. She was hiding something from him, and he was scared to know what that could possibly be. She's never had reason to hide from him before. What was different?
It wasn't until she shoved a pile of stuff into his arms that he realized that she had brought up his bedroll and enough rations to last him the trip back. "If you're more comfortable, you can set up in my cabin. I'm going to take off." Fourteen didn't wait for a response as she turned and marched toward the cockpit, her lekku actively stabbing into the center of her back.
That had Kanan cringing away. He wasn't exactly fluent with the lekku sign aspect of the Ryl language, but he knew that it was a sign of something beyond annoyance. It - probably - wasn't directed at him, but it certainly didn't make him feel anymore... hinged.
Mechanically, he carried his stuff to his keeper's cabin. Surprisingly it was unlocked. This was his first time seeing it. It was smaller than her quarters on Nur. What would have normally been his corner on Nur would take up half the open floor space in here. Even so, he would rather stay in here closer to Fourteen. Her behaviour might be confusing and frightening but it was better than languishing in the limbo that was the galley.
Frankly, Kanan was shocked that Fourteen was okay with cramming him in here when there was an entire cargo bay just below. What was down there that was so important he stay away?
He hit the side of his head again. "Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking..." he chanted as he set up his temporary corner. Why couldn't he just go back to being that dumb useless whore?
By the time he had the bedroll spread out, sitting in the corner nibbling on a ration bar, the hyperdrive had powered up. There was a soft jerk, and the Halligan was sailing in hyperspace. It would be three long days languishing in this small cabin. Would he be alone? Would Fourteen just stay in the cockpit for long hours, like she always did when she was upset? Would she want to spar or train in this tiny space? If Kanan is left on his own, he could probably work out a bit, maybe meditate...
Not in this mental state.
It had been a long day, so it wasn't long before Fourteen was marching back in. A brief glance was the only acknowledgement he got before she stripped off her armor. Once she was down to her body suit, she turned off the lights and collapsed onto her bunk with a soft thump.
Kanan remained where he sat, gazing in the direction of Fourteen's body as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. By the time he could actually see her body, it was still and appeared relaxed. He could have reached into the Force to confirm whether or not she was actually asleep but he was too sheepish to do that right now. Too scared to reach out, to scared to look inward...
Stars, he wished he could just be.
With a frustrated huff, Kanan shimmied into his bedroll and curled up on his side, his back to the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to force all his muscles to relax. His mind began to wander along innocent threads. Fantastical plots or boring wanderings through technical routines... Eventually, he would be able to naturally drift to into blissful unawareness.
But just as he began to relax, his mind naturally flowed along some Force eddies. It wasn't noticeable at first. In fact, Kanan assumed that this meant he was actually falling asleep, and that helped him relax even further in relief.
Then there was a hum. A strange spot of warmth at the base of his neck. Kanan's head twitched slightly, his brow furrowing at this unusual sensation. On one hand, it was distantly familiar, like a memory that he couldn't quite recall. He was about to dismiss it as just that... when the center of this humming sensation suddenly turned cold.
Kanan's eyes flew opened. This he could immediately identify it as the cold pit of despair that has haunted Kanan for most of his life. Except it wasn't coming from him.
He sat up, throwing the cover of the bedroll off as he stared at Fourteen. His Force awareness immediately zeroed in on her, and all he could sense from her was calm. Her breathing was deep and even, her body slack in the bunk. She really was truly asleep.
Kanan's breathing hitched, a shiver running down his spine. If this feeling wasn't coming from him and it wasn't coming from her... then where was it coming from?
Slowly, he lowered his head and swept his gaze downward. The cargo bay.
His limbs trembling, Kanan slowly got up from his corner. He stood there, paralyzed by indecision. His breathing hitched as he looked between Fourteen's sleeping form and the door. There was a pull, whether it was Force related or simply the strength of his curiosity, it was powerful. Irresistible. But what if he tried to walk out and the hiss of the door woke her up? He could only imagine her fury at so brazenly disobeying her orders. It could be the final straw that finally forces her to properly discipline her...
But the pull got even more insistent, so Kanan mustered up what little bit of courage (shocked that there was any) and slowly walked over to the door. With just a moment of hesitation, he opened the door. The hiss as it opened seemed so much louder than usual, making him cringe and look back. His heart was pounding, and he was sure it was echoing around the small cabin.
By some miracle, Fourteen didn't stir. Reaching out with the Force, he confirmed that her mind was at rest. With a shaky sigh, he quickly tiptoed out of the room, his stomach clenching when the door closed behind him. He remained frozen for another moment, waiting to see if that woke her up.
Nothing happened. The Force didn't stir except for the intensity of the distress radiating from the cargo bay, stabbing incessantly at the base of Kanan's skull. So with a shaky sigh, Kanan slowly walked through the common area and over to the ladder. It was at that point that he could hear noise coming from the cargo bay. Crying to match the distress...
Kanan's stomach dropped, his breathing coming in short pants. The pieces were all right there, but he still couldn't quite put them together. He had to force himself to move forward, turning around to step onto the ladder. He kept his gaze resolutely forward as he descended it, step by step. The thought of looking for the source of these noises filled him with terror. What of, he wasn't sure.
Then his feet were on solid durasteel. He just stood there, still staring forward. And there he stayed until a small voice rang through the cavernous cargo bay.
"W-Who are you?"
Chapter Text
It was a human child.
Kanan was still glued to the spot, staring at the boy. He was so small. Smaller than Maze. His longish black hair was plastered to his skin with sweat, his face flush and tearstained. He was staring up at Kanan with wide blue eyes filled with hesitant fear, the bags beneath his them dark as bruises. Beside him was a bedroll and a few rations, all of it untouched.
Kanan's mind was blank, unable to process any more than the visual information before him. All he knew was that this wasn't right. This was very very wrong.
The child's shoulders slowly hunched up to his ears. "Did... did the scary lady t-take you too?" he whispered loudly.
Kanan blinked and shook his head slightly, broken out of his brief reverie. "Take me?" he echoed. "N-No, she saved me. Are you...?" He looked down at the boy's clothes. Maze and the other slaves had been dressed in dirty and worn clothing. Kanan had been dressed in Jabba's favorite outfit, one that exposed his body to be pleasing to his masters eyes.
But this kid was wearing clean pants and jacket with only a few scruffs. They weren't patched up or second hand... new clothes bought for a fast growing child.
"You're not a slave," he said dumbly.
The kid frowned slightly as he slowly shook his head. His eyes became shiny with fresh tears. "Am... am I slave now?" he asked, his voice going high pitched. "Is this because my parents don't like the Empire?"
"No, you're not... I mean..." The horrible fact that this ship was going straight to Nur suddenly clicked together with the knowledge of this boy. Fourteen was taking him to the Inquisitorious. Coupled with the all too keen sense of the boy's emotions... The kid was Force sensitive.
No. No, she couldn't...
The kid began to cry in earnest, pressing the heel of his palms to his eyes, trying to wipe away the falling tears. "I just want my parents!"
"Shh, shh, shh!" Kanan hushed, quickly, surging forward and falling to his knees in front of the boy. "You need to stay quiet!" he whispered, his hands out pleadingly. "We don't want to wake her up."
That had the kid's crying shuddering to a stop, hiccupping as he wiped at his face. He looked back up at Kanan, blinking rapidly. "Is she gonna hurt us?" he whispered back.
"No," Kanan said. There was a lot of uncertainty around Fourteen right now, but of this he was certain. Fairly certain. At least, he couldn't imagine her hurting a child. No, the problem was where they were going. But he wasn't about to talk about that horrible place to a kid who was already terrified. "I just..." He needed to change the subject, he couldn't even think about Fourteen right now, let alone speak about her. "W-What's your name?"
The kid swallowed compulsively, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. "Ezra," he said miserably. He sniffed. "What's gonna happen to my parents?"
Kanan shook his head slightly. "I don't know, kid." Of course, if they were dissidents, chances were they were already dead, executed for treason.
He groaned, running his hands over his hair. This was all a horrible mess, and he was completely at a loss. While some of the pieces were clicking together in his head, others were remaining stubbornly errant. All he could focus on was the young terrified child that was headed to a fate worse than death... and the fact that it was Fourteen that was delivering him to that hellish fate.
Another sniff drew Kanan's attention. Ezra's eyes were a little more focused as he looked Kanan over. "W-What's your name?" he asked, still whispering.
The corner of Kanan's mouth twitched upward. "I'm Kanan." This kid... he wasn't really like Maze, but he still kind of reminded Kanan of her.
"W-What's gonna h-happen to me?" Ezra asked hesitantly, a shiver running through his body.
"I don't know," Kanan lied. "But I know she won't hurt you."
Ezra let out a shuddered sigh. "She wouldn't answer my questions..." he mumbled, his chin tucked up against his chest. "She wouldn't even look at me." Another tear fell down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. "I-I thought she was gonna kill me."
Kanan crawled forward a little so he could put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hey hey, you're safe here." For now.
Sniffing, he looked up at Kanan with a slight frown. His eyes wandered as he searched Kanan's face. "Do... Do I know you...?" he asked softly.
"No," Kanan said. The only child Kanan had met in the last five years of his life has been Maze. However, the moment he asked the question, Kanan realized he was also feeling this strange sense of familiarity. And it echoed an old feeling from a very long time ago.
Caleb felt a strange hum in the center of his chest. It pulled him deeper into the medical wing, and he followed it with a frown. Then he rounded the corner and saw a bacta tank in the corner. Inside was dark skinned woman with long black hair flowing around her like a halo.
Caleb's frown deepened as he stepped closer. The hum in his chest got stronger and he had the strangest sensation... an inkling... like he knew this woman, though he was fairly certain he had never met her before.
Kanan paled in horror. This buzz in the back of his head, the fact that he could feel this child's emotions so keenly even though they had never met before... a Force bond had formed between them. He suddenly pulled his hand back, as if he had been burned. He shook his head in denial. Why? Why would the Force connect them like this, especially knowing what this child's fate was going to be...
The child shied away from him slightly, his eyes wide. "What's wrong...?"
Everything.
Kanan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He couldn't do this. Ezra was about to enter a literal hell. The very least Kanan could do was give the kid some comfort, some strength for whatever laid ahead. But in order to do that without completely going insane, Kanan was going to have to ignore everything. Push everything that was horrible and wrong about this deep into the back recesses of his mind and pretend that everything was okay.
It was actually easy to detach himself from these terrible realities. He was just a broken thing along for whatever ride the universe had in store for him. It was how he stayed sane with Jabba, and it was how he was going to stay sane now.
He opened his eyes and saw that the kid had his back pressed up against the corner. No doubt Kanan's bizarre behavior was making him even more confused and frightened. "I know things don't make sense right now," Kanan said calmly. "I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. Just... here."
Moving slowly so not to startle the boy, he reached for the bedroll, slowly unfurling it. "You've had a long day. You should try and get some rest." Picking up a water pack, he offered it to Ezra. "Drink this. You need to stay hydrated."
Ezra gazed at the pack for a moment before hesitantly took it from Kanan. "What's 'hydrated'?" he asked quietly, slowly opening the pack and beginning to sip from it.
Kanan's mouth twitched upward. "It means that you're drinking enough water."
Ezra hummed as he continued to suck water from the pack. After it was half empty, he pulled away to respond. "What's enough water?"
Kanan smiled. "Just finish the pack. Then you should try to sleep."
Ezra finished the pack mechanically, tossing it aside when it was empty. "I'm not sleepy," he mumbled.
"Just try," Kanan said, opening the bed roll and gently pushing Ezra towards it. "Just lay down and close your eyes."
But the boy insistently shook his head. "N-No! I don't want to go to sleep, I don't want them to come for me!"
"Who?" Kanan asked quietly, slowly rubbing the boy's back.
"Th-The stormtroopers..." Ezra sniffed and rubbed his nose before wrapping an arm around his middle, wincing slightly. "I don't know what I did wrong, Mom and Dad just wanted to make the world a better place..."
Kanan frowned slightly, leaning forward to look Ezra over more carefully. "Are you hurt?"
Ezra just gave a small nod. "They kicked me..." he murmured.
Kanan huffed, absurdly relieved that it was a 'they' and not 'her'. "Can I see?"
Ezra looked up at him warily for a moment, before he slowly uncurled and lifted up his shirt to reveal a large mass of purple and red bruises along his side. Kanan cringed in sympathy as he gently probed the injury. It was swollen and hot to the touch, eliciting a small whimper.
"Okay, let me get the medkit." Kanan immediately jumped up and ran to get the necessary supplies. This was good. It was a solid task he could focus on and actually carry out. It would keep him from thinking about, well, anything else.
By the time he returned, the kid was a little bit more relaxed. He was gazing at Kanan intently with a mixture of confusion and uncertainty. At least he didn't seem afraid of Kanan anymore. Small victory, all things considered.
"This is a bone knitter," he said, holding the device up. "There's going to be some vibration, but it's shouldn't hurt much more than it does right now. Then we can rub some bacta over your skin to help with the pain, okay?"
Ezra licked his lips and nodded. "O-Okay..."
Thankfully, Ezra didn't have any serious breaks, just a few cracks. Of course they would still be very painful for the kid. Still, Ezra didn't even whimper as Kanan treated him. He just screwed his eyes shut and breathed through the pain.
"How old are you?" Kanan asked, hoping to provide some distraction.
"Seven," Ezra said, his voice strained.
Stars he was so young. "You're being very brave," Kanan said, not just to comfort him. It was an honest statement. After everything he's just been through, to accept help from an adult stranger so easily was remarkable. He reminded Kanan a little of Maze and her entirely unearned cheerfulness.
The bone knitter finished its job, and Ezra sighed as he relaxed and opened his eyes. "I'm not brave," Ezra mumbled, gently poking at his bruise. "I just screamed and cried when the stormtroopers took my parents away..."
"There's nothing you could have done," Kanan said quietly, handing the kid the tube of bacta. "Not against the Empire. None of us can," he whispered.
Ezra smeared the bacta on her fingers before carefully rubbing it over his skin. Once he was done, he pulled his shirt back down and looked up at Kanan curiously. "Did the Empire take your family away too?"
Kanan looked down at his hands. Of course he had never known his birth family. Even so...
"Yes," he said, his memories of the Temple and his friends floating to the surface. He rarely thought about his youngers days. It was painful, more painful than thinking about his years with Jabba. There would be no going back to those years, to being 'Caleb Dume'.
"Caleb!" Her lekku were bouncing as she ran up and hugged him. "Come back soon, okay?" she said, voice muffled against his chest.
Kanan frowned slightly, looking back up to the direction of Fourteen's cabin. A couple other floating pieces in his mind that hadn't quite clicked together. Pieces that were too closely connected to the conundrum that was in front of him.
He closed his eyes. No. Not right now. He huffed and returned his attention to the kid. "Here..." He dug through the medkit. "You really need to get some sleep. I can give you something to help you."
"I don't wanna sleep," Ezra murmured stubbornly.
Kanan loaded the hypo with a mild antihistamine. "I know you're scared... but you'll feel better if you do." And Kanan would feel a lot better if the kid was asleep before sneaking back up to Fourteen's cabin.
The kid looked unconvinced, eyeing the hypo.
"Drinking water made you feel better, right? Trust me," Kanan encouraged.
Ezra finally slumped and nodded. "Okay," he murmured. The kid might not want to go to sleep, but it was so obvious that he was exhausted and overwhelmed. Kanan knew the feeling.
He administered the medication before helping Ezra into the bedroll. Once he was settled in, he looked up at Kanan with wide eyes. "Will you stay?" he asked, his voice small.
Kanan smiled and nodded. "Sure, kid." If this is what it took...
As expected, it wasn't long before Ezra's body went limp, his breathing evening out. In the Force, his signature ceased being agitated as he entered a deep sleep. Sighing and rubbing his face, Kanan stood and put away the medkit before tiptoeing back up to Fourteen's cabin to take his own advice. He still didn't want to think or ponder the circumstances. It would do him absolutely no good right now.
He just... needed to get some sleep. Maybe when he woke up in the morning this would all be a bizarre dream, and he could go back to his old routine with Fourteen without worrying his stupid head about things that were too much for his stupid brain to handle.
He was in luck. Fourteen remained unconscious as he snuck back in and curled back up into his corner. There was a tinge of regret that he hadn't taken some sort of sedative himself, but he would make do.
Closing his eyes, he forced his mind to go blank and prayed for oblivion.
Chapter Text
When Fourteen woke up, Kanan was thankfully still asleep. She was able to sneak out and avoid his confused looks and potential questions that she didn't even want to think about.
It would be three days before they got back to Nur. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to keep the boy hidden away. Kanan, timid as he was, was too observant and shrewd for his own good. Even before they got to Lothal, he had already divined that this mission was different, that it was bothering her, even when she wouldn't admit as much to herself.
But even if she wasn't willing to acknowledge these things, they were really none of Kanan's business. He was still eager to obey her, so as long as she could keep him in her cabin, even when they got to Nur when she would have to hand off the child, neither of them would ever have to think or address it ever again.
In the refresher, she leaned against the sink as she stared at her reflection. "Why do I care?" she whispered to herself. Kanan was her charge, his life was completely in her hands and control by both the power of the Empire and Kanan's own will, or lack thereof. What did it matter if Kanan knew about the boy? It's not as if her role with the Empire was a secret. He knew she killed Jedi. What did it matter if he knew about this side of the job as well?
She was trying to glare at herself, to convince herself that it did not, in fact, matter. But that wasn't what looked back at her. Her eyes were slanted and strained as she tried to cling to her anger and pride. But to her great alarm, her true emotions - fear and grief - were beginning to shine through.
With a scowl, she ripped her gaze away, turning on the sink and splashing her face with water. Rubbing it with a sigh, she gripped the base of her lekku for a moment, squeezing them to the point of pain. She felt a little untethered. Her mind kept going back to those first days, when the clones had found them, dragging them away in chains rather than shoot them dead. They had been 'young enough' to be turned into assets.
She punched the edge of the sink, straightening and drying herself off. There was no point in sulking. She already was making a mental list of potential diagnostics and repairs she could busy herself with. That is, once she made sure Kanan stayed up here.
She sighed. That required actually talking to him. Straightening her clothes, she gave one last look in the mirror. "You can do this," she whispered.
With that affirmation, she left the refresher and went back to her cabin. She was neither relieved or upset to see that Kanan was awake, sitting up on his pile of blankets. "Good morning," she said as upbeat as possible.
"Morning," he replied quietly.
"Look, I'm going to need you to stay up here," she said bluntly. "At least until we get back to Nur. What's in the cargo bay is... sensitive. Understood?"
"I..." Kanan's jaw clenched, his lips pursed together. "Yeah, understood," he said, his voice even and measured.
That had Fourteen frowning slightly, but she didn't want to question it, else it might evolve into an actual conversation. "I'm to work on some repairs. If you need me, I'll be in the cockpit. If you can't find me there, you'll be able to comm me in the engine room."
She didn't wait for a response, turning and leaving Kanan alone. Walking directly tot he cockpit, her mind zeroed in on the diagnostics to be done.
Unfortunately, there was very little to be done in terms of repairs. She had addressed most of the issues and mis-alignments on the way to Lothal. But the diagnostics would fill up some time, which was better than nothing.
After they all came back clear, she sat in the pilot's seat and stared out at the blue swirl. It had been a few hours, it was now mid-day cycle. Reluctantly, she acknowledged that she should check in on the child.
She just hoped he remained quiet enough that Kanan wouldn't hear anything.
Sliding down the ladder to the cargo bay, she found him curled up in the far corner. He was awake, sitting with his back pressed up against the corner, his legs pressed up to his chest and his arms cradling them. His head had been buried in his knees, but had popped up at the sound of her landing on the floor. His brow furrowed slightly as he tried to glare at her. It wasn't much of one, but Fourteen could appreciate the small show of defiance.
She didn't bother saying anything as she appraised his little nest. The ration bars had been consumed, their wrappers littered around. She would clean that up later. For now, she silently grabbed more food and water and placed them down a good distance from the boy, certain he didn't want her too close. Then she regarded him for moment. "Did you find the refresher?"
The kid's glare faltered briefly, his eyes flickering to the back of the cargo bay before giving a small nod.
That was good enough for Fourteen. Eager to not think about the boy, she turned and promptly climbed the ladder back to the upper level.
The child would be fine on his own. Really, he should enjoy the time alone before being thrust into Inquisitor training.
Returning to the cockpit, she started slightly when she saw Kanan standing to the side. He was hunched over slightly, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.
"Is there something you need?" she asked, annoyance leaking into her voice, making Kanan grimace. She couldn't help it, she was starting to feel at the end of her rope.
Kanan took a deep breath. "Just... let me say my piece, then you can punish me in any way you see fit, I just... I have to say something."
Fourteen frowned at that, her stomach dropping. "... You know about the boy, don't you?"
That elicited a full body flinch from him, and he pressed up against the side wall even more. He looked impossibly small. "Last night... I sensed him," he mumbled, barely audible under the ship's hyperdrive engine.
Fourteen sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She shouldn't have bothered with this ruse. Of course Kanan was going to find out, and now he was going to ask questions she did not want to answer. If she had just been up front about it, at least she could have had this conversation on her own terms.
"You're taking him to Nur," Kanan stated.
"Yes. As an Inquisitor, my secondary function is to make acquisitions."
Kanan gazed at her in disbelief. "Acquisitions? He's a child."
"And he will learn to serve the Empire just like the countless other children who enter Academies."
"That place isn't a school, it's a pit of pain and despair!" Kanan snapped. "To put a Force sensitive child in a place like that - !"
"He will be fine. Just like I was."
Kanan gaped at her, his expression twisted in pain. "Please." He fell to his knees, unwrapping his arms to completely surrender and expose himself to her. "Don't do this. Don't take him back there. Say he was killed in an accident and take him to Alderaan. I'm begging you, Hera...!"
Any words he might have said after that were drowned out by a roaring din in Fourteen's ears. The name bounced around her mind, ripping through her and dragging her back to memories she only visited in her nightmares.
Kanan seemed to notice the change, his mouth ceasing movement as he frowned up at her. Hesitantly he reached for her, saying something. She still couldn't hear or process the words, feeling glued to the spot, trapped by emotions she had purged from herself years ago.
Then a single burning question brought her back to her sense, rage boil beneath her sternum. "How?" she seethed.
Kanan pulled back slightly, his eyes widening a little with fear. "H-How what...?"
"How do you know that name?!"
There was a brief flash of confusion, his eyes going unfocused for a moment as he tried to remember his words. Then upon realization, his expression softened as he gazed back up at her. "It is you," he said softly.
"HOW?!" she demanded. "I've never met you before in my life!"
But just as the words left her mouth, ancient memories niggled at the back of her mind. Little moments from the last few months echoing those memories that she had always viciously pushed aside. It was only now that she began to put two and two together.
Even so, she shook her head in denial. Even as she gazed at Kanan's face and could not deny the resemblance. "C... Caleb?"
Kanan flinched and looked away. "Caleb's dead," he murmured. "He died with his master."
Fourteen was reeling, taking a step back to give herself space. That Kanan was not just a fellow survivor, but someone she had known? She didn't like it. It meant he knew who she was before and who she was now, and that made her feel very ill.
"But... But this isn't about us," Kanan went on, imploringly. "We went through hell, we didn't have any choice, but we do now! We can choose to not give him over, to not have his life be completely ruined by the Empire..."
The nausea grew, and Fourteen closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. "Kanan..." she said softly. "We don't have a choice here. The Empire already knows about the kid. They know that I've retrieved him. If I show up empty handed..."
She wasn't even sure what they would do. It was doubtful they would kill her, she was too valuable an asset. They probably wouldn't even bother with torturing her. No, with her recent reputation, it would be Kanan who would receive the blunt of the punishment. At best, he would be tortured. At worst... he would be killed.
And she would not let that happen.
"I'm sorry," she said genuinely. "There's nothing we can do."
Kanan's arms went limp, falling to his sides as his face fell. With a long sigh, he deflated, sitting back on his heels and slumping in defeat. It made the nausea roil hotter in Fourteen's chest. There was nothing more she could say. She truly wished things could be different... but they weren't.
"Can..." Kanan gulped, his voice quiet and strained as he stared at Fourteen's feet. "Can I at least stay down there with him?" He looked up at her, eyes filled with tears. "I-I don't want him to be alone before..." He choked, unable to finish the thought.
It would be a mistake. After all, look at what happened with just a couple days with that Twi'lek child. And these were even more emotionally fraught circumstances and would certainly make things worse for the both of them. Particularly the child. She wanted to point that out to him, to explain that the separation was for the best.
But gazing down at Kanan's broken expression... denying him this after dashing his hope that Fourteen could actually change, she couldn't. So with a resigned scowl, Fourteen shook her head. "Fine. You can take responsibility for the boy until we get back to Nur."
Kanan gave a strained smile as he looked away. "Thank you," he mumbled as he quickly half-crawled half-stumbled out of the cockpit, leaving Fourteen standing there all alone.
She felt... cold. Paired with the nausea, she was even more miserable than before. With a shaky huff, she rubbed her face and fell back into the pilot's chair. This was too much. It wasn't even the revelation that Kanan had been Caleb Dume that had shaken her. She had always known he was a survivor like her. It had not been out of the realm of possibility that they had known each other.
No, it was that look of defeat and resignation. It was burned into her brain. She hadn't thought it possible, but it was so much worse than the old fear and helplessness that used to be a permanent fixture in Kanan's demeanor. This was personal, and it made her feel disgusting and wrong, and she wanted to do everything in her power to fix this.
Except there wasn't anything she could do. To do so would be to likely sacrifice Kanan himself, and that was not an option.
She was stuck. Trapped.
Seconds later she was on her knees in the refresher, spewing the contents of her stomach. Even when it had emptied, she continued gagging, her body hot and sweating from the strength of her heaves.
Finally, the nausea passed and she slumped against the edge of the toilet, tears streaming down her face. She would have blamed it on the painful heaving but that was a lie. She wasn't sure why, but she felt as if she had betrayed him, which is not what happened! She had just been doing her job, just like she has been for the last few months.
A sob bubbled out of her as she buried her face in her hands. What was she supposed to do?
Chapter Text
Something inside of Kanan was breaking. Had he really expected her to spare the boy? This wasn't like when she rescued slaves, which had nothing to do with the Empire. This was something the Empire had ordered her to do, just like when they ordered her to hunt down and kill Jedi. This was simply the first time seeing her carry out those orders with his own eyes. He should have been expecting this.
So why did he feel this way?
He hit the sides of his head with both fists. It didn't matter. He didn't matter, his feelings didn't matter, none of it did. All that mattered - all he should be thinking about - was the boy in the cargo bay.
So that's what he did.
First he wiped his face off, hoping he looked relatively presentable. It was unclear how much Ezra could actually sense in the Force, if anything at all, without training. But at the very least, he didn't want the kid to see how upset he was. Then he made sure his clothes were straightened out before climbing down into the cargo bay.
The boy was curled up in the corner, although his head popped up at the sound of Kanan's footsteps. He perked up upon seeing him, giving a small hesitant smile. "H-Hi."
Kanan managed to smile back at him. "Hey there kid. How are you holding up?"
"M okay," he mumbled. As Kanan walked over, he leaned over and glanced upward at the top of the ladder. "Where's the scary lady?"
Kanan's heart ached. "Fourt... She's going to stay up there until we arrive," he assured as he took a seat beside him.
Ezra bit his lip. "Arrive where?"
Kanan gazed at him for a moment, considering what to tell him. It didn't seem right to lie. It might spare the boy some fear for a couple days, but it might make it so much worse once he actually got there. It's not like there was really anyway to truly mitigate the horror that was that place, but...
Well, he might be a child, but children could be strong. Like Maze. She had lived through all sorts of awful things and had still been carrying on.
"We're going to a place called 'Nur'," he said quietly and hesitantly.
"Is it your home?"
Kanan frowned at that. "It's... where I live."
"Is it where the scary lady lives?" Ezra asked, his voice a hushed whisper.
"Her name... she's called the Fourteenth Sister, but you can just call her Fourteen. And yeah, she lives there too."
"What's Nur like?"
At this point, Kanan curled up on himself and pointedly looked away from the boy. This was apparently going to be interrogation, and he couldn't stand to face the boy as he answered these questions. "It's a moon covered in water. We live in a fortress that's underneath the water."
There was the sound of rustling fabric, and Kanan could feel some of Ezra's body heat as he scooted closer. "W... What's gonna happen to me?"
That was when his mouth went dry. The question he dreaded most. He still didn't want to lie, believing it would do more harm than good. And it's not like Kanan really knew what was going to happen to Ezra. But he wasn't stupid. He knew it would be a living hell. How can you prepare or talk about such a thing to a seven year old?
There was a small sigh. "It's gonna be bad, isn't it?"
Kanan's eyes burned, and he still wasn't able to look at the kid. "Yeah," he whispered back. "I don't know exactly how but... yeah."
There was a brief stretch of silence, and all Kanan could do was stare at the opposite wall.
"Am... Am I being punished...?" Ezra asked, his voice barely audible over the engines.
"No," Kanan said instantly, finally having the nerve to turn and look down at the boy. He was curled up as well, into an impossibly tight ball. It served to emphasis just how little and young he was. Kanan put a hand on his shoulder for emphasis. "This isn't a punishment. Your parents being arrested wasn't a punishment, it's the Empire." Anger began to stir in his chest. "The Empire is responsible for everything bad that's happening. It's not your fault, it's not my fault, it's not..." He sighed, biting his lip as he kept the words back.
Ezra was looking up at him with large eyes, taking in what he was saying. "I guess that's why my parents kept doing all those broadcasts," he mumbled. "They kept saying the Empire is bad. It's why they got taken away."
Kanan gave a strained smile. "Yeah, probably," he murmured back. "Your parents were very brave to do that." His smile relaxed a bit as he gave the kid a playful shake. "Just like you're being right now."
Ezra gave a small smile back, his cheeks darkening slightly. "M not doing anything."
With a small chuckle, Kanan shook his head in amusement. "Kid, if someone told me I was headed to a bad place right after getting beaten by stormtroopers, I would be freaking out." Ezra giggled at that, and Kanan's smile widened. "Being brave isn't really about doing anything. At least, not always. Sometimes it's just being able to face bad things."
The kid looked contemplative at that, his brow scrunched slightly. "I don't feel brave."
"I don't think anyone ever feels brave. It's not really an emotion."
Ezra's face scrunched further at that. "Why does everything have to be so confusing?"
Kanan let out a light chuckle at that, leaning back to wrap an arm around the kid's shoulders. Despite everything, he found that the boy's manner put him a little at ease, warmth filling his chest and the back of his head.
His smile faltered and his mirth faded as he was once again reminded of the bond that connected the two of them. He didn't know much about Force bonds, all his master had told him was that they were unique and powerful. It had enabled him to sense her presence more keenly than others, and it helped them fight more fluidly as a team on the battlefield. Force bonds were unbreakable by any means except death.
When his master had died, it had been a physical pain in the middle of his chest, as if his sternum had been snapped in half and his heart ripped out. And now he was connected to this child? A child who was about to be thrown into the likes of the Inquisitorious.
He knew he shouldn't, he knew it was pointless, but his imagination began to run wild. His mind went back to his first day at Nur, when the Grand Inquisitor had dug through his mind to make sure he was a harmless invalid. He wondered if Ezra would be able to feel the unnatural cold of that place. They obviously meant to train Ezra as one of them, what would that training be like?
What could have possibly turned that sweet and eager little Hera Syndulla into the Jedi killer, the Fourteenth Sister?
"Kanan?"
He flinched, his arm reflexively tightening around the kid. "Sorry," he said quickly. "Got distracted."
Ezra was gazing up at him with concern. "You're afraid," he said quietly.
Kanan grit his teeth. He did not like this. That was not how this was supposed to work. It was just like with Maze, with her comforting him. But now Kanan was losing control, allowing his emotions to leak out, and with this damned bond, Ezra was feeling every bit of it.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He carefully began to build up a mental shield. After weeks of consistent meditation, he's been able to maintain one against the cold of Nur for a while. But right now his nerves were so frayed by the last couple of days that he was struggling to focus.
Ezra suddenly shifted, and Kanan's eyes fluttered open as he looked down and saw that Ezra had turned and wrapped his tiny arms around Kanan's middle.
Once again, Kanan felt something inside of him break. His body trembling, Kanan wrapped his arms around the child and pulled him up against his chest, holding him tightly. Ezra gave a little squeak of surprise, but then he tucked his face into the embrace, tightening his own hug.
Kanan's breathing shuddered as he pressed a hand to the back of Ezra's head, hot tears freely falling down his face. This kid really was incredibly brave, certainly braver than Kanan. Dread and horror continued to plague Kanan, the knowledge of where they were going haunting him. Even during the worst days at Jabba's palace, he had never felt this disgustingly helpless.
So he just continued to cradle the child in his arms, trying not to focus on the injustice of it all.
Fourteen spent the remaining few days in the upper level. She did not bother to check in on Kanan or the child. Kanan knew where all of the supplies were, he would be able to care for both of them just fine.
Besides, she could not bare to look at either one of them after that disastrous exchange.
She tried not to think about it. Any of it. After all of the unnecessary diagnostics and repairs she had conducted, she struggled to find something to keep her mind occupied. At one point, she considered sabotaging her own ship, then she would actually have something to work on...
But that would also stretch out how long they would have to live together in this oppressive atmosphere. And so she grit her teeth and bared the anxious boredom.
Kanan Jarrus. Caleb Dume. The Fourteenth Sister. Hera Syndulla.
Try as she might, the horrible lull of travel meant her mind could not help but wander back to this latest revelation. That and the horrible task the Inquisitorious was having her carry out. That boy - Ezra Bridger, according to the records - had essentially shattered the rapport she and Kanan had once shared. And while she kept telling herself that things would go back to they way they had been before once she handed the child over, she knew that was a lie. Everything had changed, broken. Perhaps beyond repair.
Which was why the view of Nur filling the Hannigan's viewport was both one of great relief and horrid regret.
For a moment, she just sat there, staring at the ocean moon. She had no idea how this was going to play out. No doubt it would be hellish for all involved.
Her console beeped, one of the light beginning to flash as she was hailed. With a defeated sigh, she hit her fist against the comm. "This is the Hannigan. I have the cargo."
"Copy that. Bring the Hannigan to Training Center Besh for transfer."
"Copy. Hannigan out." She turned off the comm and grabbed the spoke, guiding the ship to the Southern end of the Inquisitorial Fortress. She breathed in and out evenly, emptying herself. This was going to happen one way or another. It would be easier as long as she didn't allow herself feel anything. Just carry out the rest of her mission and bring Kanan back to her chambers.
The moment she landed, she promptly got up and marched over to climb down into the cargo bay.
Kanan and the child were already standing, waiting for her. The kid was standing in front of Kanan, looking exhausted but also surprisingly resigned. Kanan must have said or done something to help prepare him. That was... nice of him. Of course, what else had she been expecting? Kanan was an impossibly caring person, of course he had done his best to help the kid.
For Kanan himself, he couldn't even look at her, his head pointed to the side. His hands were on Ezra's shoulders, his fingertips white with how hard he was squeezing them.
Fourteen pursed her lips as she marched over. "Kanan, you're going to stay here," she ordered, her voice clipped. "Kid, you're with me."
Ezra looked up at Kanan with wide frightened eyes. Kanan returned the gaze, giving him a strained smile and an affectionate shake before pulling his hands away and gently pushing him forward.
A bit of tension unwound in Fourteen's stomach. She had been anticipating more of a fight, more frayed and naked emotions thrashing about. But it looked like this was going to be a smooth transition, better than she could have hoped for.
Still, she didn't have the wherewithal with be pleased. Just a little relieved. Stepping up to the kid, she grabbed him by the arm and led him to the front of the ship, opening the ramp.
The kid's breathing was shuddering as they waited for the ramp to descend enough for them to continue marching forward. She didn't look at him or glance back. Her gaze remained resolutely pointed forward as she dragged him out into the cold and harsh spray of the crashing ocean waves. A Purge Trooper was standing not far from the ship. "Good evening, sir," he said. "I can take the cargo from here."
That was fine by her. Ignoring the bitter fear and panic emanating from the boy as she handed him over, she immediately turned heel and marched back to the ship. She cleared the ramp and hit the control panel, standing just beyond the threshold as she stared at nothing. The kid's emotions lingered on her like an echo.
"I see that you're going to need a firmer hand."
The ramp slammed closed, ringing throughout the cargo bay until there was nothing but silence. In her periphery, she saw Kanan was still standing in the corner. They should be leaving, returning to the heart of the Fortress, but the silence rang too loud, pinning her to the spot.
"I had no choice," she whispered.
More suffocating silence. And then...
"There's always a choice."
Her eyes burned, her throat closing up. With a small nod of acknowledgement, she forced her legs to move.
There was nothing else to say.