Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sunghoon moaned as Heeseung swallowed around his dick. His back curved off the bed, mind completely blank and void of anything but Heeseung. He pulled at where his hands were tied, high up behind his head and onto the bed, he couldn’t help struggling a little bit. It was a lot; they had been going at it for hours and he had come three times by then. He simply couldn’t take it anymore. He was shaking, muscles tensed, drool running down his chin, tears down his cheeks; a big stain of slick, semen, saliva and lube underneath him. But Heeseung didn’t seem like he wanted to stop.

It had been Sunghoon’s idea. They were alone at the dorms, no risk of getting caught by anyone inside Heeseung’s room, it had seemed like a great idea. Now, though, as Heeseung continued to stimulate him while holding him still, both hands at his hips, with great strength, he was starting to realise he hadn’t thought this through.

“You have to come one more time, princess, or you are not getting fucked.” Heeseung stopped sucking him just to say that. Sunghoon took a moment to understand Heeseung’s words.

“I c-can’t…” he sobbed. He was tired and everything hurt, and he loved it but he honestly just wanted Heeseung’s dick in him.

Teasingly, Heeseung brought one hand down slowly only to abruptly push two fingers into Sunghoon, who choked on a moan at the sudden movement. “Then I guess you don’t want my dick…” Heeseung was taunting him, pressing and moving his fingers around so he couldn’t think. Sunghoon just wanted to be knotted.

“I- I do! I w-want, please, Heeseung, alpha… I need it,” he cried, falling onto Heeseung’s plan.

“You have to come one more time.” He pressed harder against Sunghoon’s sweet spot, making him cry and curl his feet.

“Please!” Sunghoon screamed, “p-please, t-the others will be back s-soon.” He said between broken moans and gasps.

“You better hurry, then,” Heeseung whispered, sounding almost mean. Sunghoon should have known better than try and get Heeseung to give in.

Sunghoon wanted to scream at him, he just wanted to get fucked. Heeseung had a great, big dick and he was amazing with it, but Sunghoon was questioning if it was worth all of this. Yet, Heeseung didn’t let him dwell on it for long as he began stroking his dick while continuing to stimulate his prostate. Sunghoon couldn’t help the almost pained moans that came out of his mouth, and Heeseung was enjoying every single sound he was making.

He squirmed under Heeseung’s touch, and as much as he would like to complain, he enjoyed it as much as Heeseung if not more. He liked the way Heeseung played with him however he wanted and that he couldn’t do anything about it. He loved the way Heeseung’s hands just knew where to touch him to set him on fire. They had the time to explore each other and what they liked, get to know what made the other go insane with pleasure.

Right in that moment, Heeseung was torturing him in the best way possible. But they really didn’t have the time for it, if they didn’t want the others finding out. He was aware Heeseung wouldn’t fuck him like he wanted if he didn’t do as he said, so he had only one option.

Forcing an orgasm was an ability he never really thought he’d need. Yet, there he was, making a conscious effort to come just so he could get fucked. All his muscles were contracting sporadically when he felt it. With a soundless cry, Sunghoon finally came one more time. It seemed, though, that he may have been putting too much strength into it. A moment or so after he came, he squirted onto Heeseung’s face and hands. He couldn’t stop it, he just let it happen and then went boneless onto the mattress.

His body quivered all over and he could barely breathe. It had been a lot and he didn’t have any strength left in his body to either stop the trembling or get himself up. It didn’t matter, Heeseung would be doing all the work after that.

“Good boy, I knew you could do it,” Heeseung kissed his thigh before moving his legs further apart. “You can get your reward now,” and with only that as a warning, Heeseung pushed his cock right into Sunghoon’s sensitive hole.

No matter how many times they’d done it, Sunghoon would never get used to Heeseung’s size and strength. He moaned and basked in the way Heeseung’s cock made him feel so small. The truth was, Sunghoon wasn’t as small as most omegas and when compared to Heeseung, they weren’t that different. Yet, whenever Heeseung was inside him, he never failed to make him feel like he was five times smaller than he actually was. And he loved it. He loved feeling so small and fragile, like Heeseung could split him in half if he wanted to.

Heeseung wasn’t giving him any room to breathe, thrusting into him without stop and without waiting. He knew Sunghoon could take it, so he had no reason to. Even if his moans had become just gasps for air that constantly got cut off by the force of Heeseung’s pounding, Sunghoon didn’t want it any other way. Normally, he’d hate how messy, wet and dirty everything was, but he could make an exception for when he was getting fucked dumb like this. So, he didn’t even stop to think or notice that he was drooling heavily by then.

Heeseung, though, did notice. “So dirty…” he muttered, pulling a hand up to forcefully grab Sunghoon’s chin. Heeseung pressed his thumb onto the trail of saliva harshly and moved it upwards into Sunghoon’s opened mouth. As if by instinct, Sunghoon closed his lips around Heeseung’s thumb and started sucking. “Such a well-behaved pup, didn’t even have to tell you to suck,” Heeseung mocked him, he knew he was being made fun of, but Sunghoon didn’t care. “Come on, you have to swallow,” Heeseung pushed his thumb hard against Sunghoon’s tongue, which made it hard for Sunghoon to do as he was told, but he still tried.

A laugh escaped Heeseung at Sunghoon’s desperate attempts to swallow the excess saliva, before finally releasing his chin. He put both his hands behind Sunghoon’s knees and pushed them as far against Sunghoon’s chest as they would go. Sunghoon knew this meant he’d be fucked hard enough to feel it for at least a couple of days. He couldn’t wait to still feel like his legs would break during practice, and he wasn’t even being sarcastic.

“F-fuck, alpha,” Sunghoon managed to choke out as Heeseung relentlessly drove into him. “I’m- I’ll c-come,” he couldn’t be sure Heeseung could understand what he was saying, he wasn’t even sure if he was saying it. What he did know, though, was that Heeseung could tell that he was close, he could tell as soon as Heeseung spread his legs apart and fucked even harder and faster into him.

Sunghoon knew he wouldn’t be able to manage coming and continue to be fucked by Heeseung at this pace. If he came before Heeseung again, he knew Heeseung wasn’t going to stop and he’d be ruined. He closed his eyes trying to shift his focus away from Heeseung’s huge cock abusing his most sensitive spots. Away from the ache and pleasure. It just wasn’t working.

“Come on, omega, come like you always do,” Heeseung dropped one of his legs to start jerking him off. “You love coming while I’m still fucking you,” Sunghoon wasn’t conscious enough to notice Heeseung’s ragged breathing, but he was concentrated enough on the feelings from his entrance to tell Heeseung was starting to knot him.

He let go then, because if Heeseung’s knot was starting to grow it meant he was close himself. Heeseung probably didn’t want him to notice, so he pretended like he didn’t know. He let his head roll back and his back arched off of the bed as he came one last time. His moan sounded painful and harsh; his throat hurt but nothing that would last. As much as he wanted to be completely consumed by it, he still had a job and both knew that.

Heeseung continued to fuck him as hard as he could before he couldn’t even move anymore. And if Sunghoon loved how Heeseung’s cock made him feel small, that was nothing compared to how his knot felt. He felt like he was going to die every time Heeseung knotted him. His legs shook and so did his arms, even if he wasn’t entirely sure about that. His arms had been up and tied for long enough that he didn’t feel them anymore, except for the occasional involuntary movement that came from them.  

Sunghoon was almost sure he had blanked out for a second, because the next thing he knew, Heeseung had untied his arms and was breathing with difficulty on top of him. They were still connected, and would continue to be so for a couple of minutes. Heeseung always wore a condom, so Sunghoon was left feeling a little incomplete at not having Heeseung’s cum in him. He never said anything, it was just instinct that made him feel that way and it usually didn’t last long. Sometimes it did, but Sunghoon chose to ignore those instances.

He had asked once if they could fuck raw, but Heeseung had refused quite strongly. Sunghoon took the pill after all, more so to regulate his heats than to prevent pregnancies, but it still covered that as well. Yet, Heeseung preferred to be safe than sorry, a pregnancy between them at this point would be quite disastrous.

After a couple of minutes had passed, Sunghoon’s mind getting clear, he noticed that Heeseung’s knot wasn’t going down like it normally would. As much as he loved the feeling while they fucked, he really wanted to take a shower and wash off all the fluids covering his body. The longer they stayed like that, the more he felt like crawling out of his skin. There was also the problem of the others returning and finding them like that; Heeseung may have his own room, but that wouldn’t stop anyone from barging in and he didn’t remember if they had locked the door.

“Hyung, why hasn’t your knot gone down yet?” Sunghoon asked, already feeling uncomfortable with Heeseung between his legs.

“I… I don’t know,” Heeseung admitted, he was freaking out a bit himself.

“Make it go down,” Sunghoon said and Heeseung looked at him like he was stupid.

“It’s not like I can control it,” he complained. “It’ll go down on its own,” or at least that’s how it always was.

“The others will come back and we need to clean all this up,” Sunghoon hurried him, but it didn’t seem to be working.

“I know!” Heeseung sighed, getting mad while his dick was inside the other wasn’t a good idea. “Are you trying to stress me so it’ll go down faster? I don’t think that’s how it works,” Heeseung accused him.

“I’m just pointing out what we have to do,” Sunghoon huffed and hissed when he accidentally tightened around Heeseung.

“That definitely doesn’t help,” Heeseung commented, after moaning at the unexpected sensation.

“Don’t you dare get hard again, my legs are literally about to fall off,” it was a threat and Heeseung knew it. “Come on, take me to the bathroom,” he urged.

“What?” Heeseung almost laughed at the request.

“Well, I can’t fucking walk like this and I can’t stand all this anymore, so take me to the bathroom.” Sunghoon explained and Heeseung realised it hadn’t been a request, it was a demand.

“Do you really think I can carry you all the way to the bathroom while my knot is still inside of you?” If he was honest, Heeseung didn’t think he could or that it was a good idea.

“Yes, get moving,” but Sunghoon insisted, and Heeseung always had problems telling him no.

Sunghoon held tight to Heeseung’s shoulder and braced himself for everything he would be feeling while Heeseung tried to get up while holding him. The short walk to the bathroom was filled with stumbling and hissing from both of them, but somehow, they made it. They got into the bathtub with Sunghoon sitting on top of Heeseung. After some more effort, they got the shower handle and attempted to clean themselves as much as possible. Sunghoon was starting to actually panic as Heeseung’s knot didn’t seem to be getting smaller at all.

“If you relax, I think I can pull out,” Heeseung said with a finger touching his stretched rim. “I think it went down a little,” he added, as if that helped at all.

“Not to stroke your ego, but you are kind of huge, ‘a little’ isn’t going to do much,” Sunghoon couldn’t help his tone.

“Don’t be like that, you’ve taken me enough times that it should work,” Heeseung rolled his eyes. One look from Sunghoon and Heeseung was taking it back. “Fine, we’ll wait a little more, but if it still doesn’t go down, I’m doing it. I don’t think I can get us out of here without killing us.”

“Fine,” Sunghoon conceded. “Why isn’t it going down, though.”

“I don’t know and it’s worrying me a little,” Heeseung admitted. Then he hit his head on the wall, startling Sunghoon, “my rut is close.”

“What? No, it’s not, it should be in…” Sunghoon tried to do the mental maths. “Oh, yeah, it is close,” he realised.

“How did we forget? We never forget,” which was true. They were always extremely careful around their heats or ruts.

They had an arrangement, and part of it stated clearly that they would not spend their cycles together. Was it painful and frustrating? Absolutely, but that was a line they weren’t willing to cross. Their arrangement started off simple, they just wanted to fuck. That’s all it was at first. They even had a no kissing rule they quickly got rid of. They still tried to keep kissing to a minimum while they had sex, but every now and then they liked making out. Sometimes they were too tired to do anything more than just that.

And at first it was just that, sex and the occasional make out session. Then they started getting more experimental while they fucked. And then they started taking advantage of any amount of free time they had, no matter how little time they had. Because of that, they started with random blow jobs in bathrooms and the sporadic hand job. Which at first were all out of the agreement.

The two things they had kept from their original agreement were no heat or rut sex and no marking. It was well known that alphas and omegas that spent these times together or that consistently marked each other tended to get attached. That’s something neither of them wanted.

Sunghoon told himself he didn’t want that. This was good.

Because as much as he loved Heeseung’s dick, he didn’t love Heeseung. Not like that, at least. And Heeseung didn’t love him and that was just perfect for them. This was perfect for them.

Because they weren’t together and they didn’t want to be. Yet, they trusted each other enough to do all these things their bodies wanted, without having to look for someone outside the group. Without the fear of a scandal and having to find the time to meet up. This was better, this was good and this was enough.

Another reason as to why they didn’t spend heats or ruts together was because it would be hard to hide what they were doing from the others. Under no circumstance, could the others find out. They didn’t want to explain what they were doing and they knew the others would approve too much of their decisions. It wasn’t up to them, but Sunghoon didn’t want to have that conversation. He didn’t want to feel judge.

Which meant he had to get Heeseung’s dick out from inside him as soon as possible, or they would be having a hell of a lot to explain.

“Fuck, okay,” Sunghoon muttered, legs asleep and body hurting. “Let’s try this,” Heeseung understood right away, nodding.

“I think it’s even smaller now, so just… relax?” Sunghoon refrained from growling at Heeseung. Instead, he took a couple of deep breaths and tried to relax his body as much as possible. “I’ll lift you up, okay?” Sunghoon nodded, holding onto Heeseung’s shoulders.

Unintentionally, as Heeseung started to lift him, he clawed at Heeseung’s shoulders out of pain and discomfort. It wasn’t extreme, but his eyes started prickling with tears and he had to put all his focus on not tensing up. Damn, how could they forget about Heeseung’s rut? They would have known this would happen and they could have avoided it. While Heeseung’s knot was smaller than before, it still hurt. He held onto Heeseung with more strength and he was sure he was leaving scratch marks all over Heeseung’s back. But he couldn’t care less about it now, Heeseung deserved it for putting him through this.

“I hate you,” Sunghoon murmured, Heeseung kept trying to slowly pull out of him. “Just do it already.”

“I’m being careful, okay, it’ll hurt more otherwise,” he hissed, while it probably didn’t hurt as much for him, it was still uncomfortable.

Finally, Heeseung managed to pull out his knot, and after that it was easier. Heeseung was still incredibly big and it was still a little painful, but Sunghoon was all stretched out from the knot, so it wasn’t that bad. Sunghoon had to calm his breathing after that, Heeseung trying to calm him down and rubbing his lower back gently to soothe the soreness.

“I fucking hate you,” Sunghoon repeated. Heeseung just laughed at him.

“Sure,” he said, “let’s finish washing up and I’ll carry you to your room,” Sunghoon shivered at how gentle Heeseung sounded. It was wrong.

“We have to clean your room,” Sunghoon reminded him.

“Can you even keep standing without help?” Heeseung asked, knowing the answer was most likely no. Sunghoon groaned and threw his head back. He felt a kiss over his throat and immediately flinched away. Heeseung looked as shocked as Sunghoon, “Sorry, I don’t know- must be my rut.”

Sunghoon nodded, choosing to ignore it. If he didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t affect him. As promised, after they were done washing up, Heeseung carried Sunghoon to his room and helped him get dressed. Once Heeseung left him in his bed and walked out of the room, Sunghoon allowed himself to think, just for a second, how he had felt when Heeseung touched him so gently. About the soft kiss over his throat. When his stomach turned into turmoil and his cheeks heated up, he closed his eyes and dismissed all thoughts about that.

If he didn’t think about it, he didn’t feel it.

Chapter Text

The days leading up to Heeseung’s rut were hell, honestly, he was glad it happened only once a year. Sunghoon was starting to consider they might have an actual problem with how hard it was not to fuck. He didn’t understand why it was hard, it used to be easy. They’d avoided having sex effortlessly in the past, but now it was torture to stay a couple of days without doing anything. And just thinking that they’d have to wait for Heeseung’s rut to be over plus a day just to be clear, frustrated Sunghoon more than anything else had before.

Thinking that he was a potential sex addict was a lot better than the alternative. Because he was not attached to Heeseung, he was not in love with Heeseung, he just wanted to get dicked down good. And Heeseung’s dick was the best for the job. That was all it was. It was only natural to think he was a pretty good fuck as well, since Heeseung seemed to be as frustrated as he was. Of course, with the added layer of his rut starting any minute from then.

During Heeseung’s rut, and the subsequent three days, Sunghoon had to fight every instinct in his body telling him to go to his alpha. He had to remind himself multiple times that Heeseung was not his alpha and he would not be helping him during his rut. Everyone seemed to have noticed the little shift in him during those three days, like he was always in a bad mood. He often caught himself spacing out and wondering how Heeseung would be during a rut. Which just pissed him off even more, what was his mind doing to him? 

Nothing, however, was harder than the day Heeseung came back but they still couldn’t do anything. He was there, Sunghoon could reach and touch him if he wanted, but he couldn’t. He was not allowed to. Worse of all, Heeseung still smelled a bit of rut and it was driving Sunghoon’s already confused mind insane. He just wanted a little taste, but it was forbidden. Again, he took solace in the fact that Heeseung seemed to be having just as hard a time as he was. At one point, Sunghoon witnessed him choking down a growl when Jake smacked Sunghoon’s butt. His rut probably still lingering, which was why they couldn’t fuck.

Once all of that was over, though, nothing could stop them. Not even the fact that they had practice, they were using their fifteen minutes break to relieve each other in a bathroom stall somewhere on the same floor as the practice room. As Sunghoon was kneeling in between Heeseung’s legs, who was sitting on the toilet, he was glad the floor seemed to be pretty clean at least. But at that point, not even a dirty floor would stop him from sucking Heeseung off. 

“You’ve gotten so good at this,” Heeseung commented, words dragged on as he tangled his fingers in Sunghoon’s hair. That’d be a pain to style back before returning. 

Sunghoon just hummed, sucking harder and swallowing around Heeseung’s dick. He still hadn’t managed to get all of Heeseung’s dick into his mouth, but he really didn’t have the time to try then. It would also be a terrible idea, since they still had things to do and that would totally screw his voice. He focused on licking and using his tongue more than anything, he knew how Heeseung liked it the most. He found pride in knowing he could make him come in under five minutes. It was rushed and not very satisfying, but it did ease the tension between them a little. 

Heeseung came with a low and muffled grunt inside Sunghoon’s mouth. If Sunghoon were to be honest, he’d have to say he hated the taste, but swallowing Heeseung’s thick and hot cum did excite him too. It was hard to swallow, as Heeseung tended to come quite a bit, but Sunghoon had practice.

“Couldn’t wait for this,” Heeseung murmured, holding Sunghoon’s head still. “Get up so I can get you to come,” he demanded as soon as he was done emptying himself into Sunghoon’s mouth. 

“Don’t rush me,” Sunghoon grumbled but he stood up anyway. He hadn’t been on his knees for long, so it had been fairly easy to get up. 

“We don’t have time for this,” Heeseung reminded him. “Do you want me to suck you off or should I eat you out?” 

“Eat me out,” Sunghoon didn’t even have to think about it. God, he was desperate and he also knew this was only the prelude to what would come later. Better start getting ready to take Heeseung’s cock. 

Heeseung nodded and had Sunghoon turn around, bending him forward and making him place his hands against the stall’s door. He worked on Sunghoon’s pants quickly and pulled them down to his ankles together with his boxers. Sunghoon shivered slightly at the cold and at the way Heeseung spread his cheeks apart. Knowing they didn’t have that much time left, Heeseung dove in hurriedly and a little messily. Sunghoon had to bite his lips to stop his moans as Heeseung’s tongue made its way inside him. It was a bit harsh, but he was wet enough from sucking Heeseung that it didn’t really bother him. 

He breathed in harshly as Heeseung sucked against his rim and drank up all of his slick. Heeseung had as much practice with what Sunghoon liked as Sunghoon did with what Heeseung liked. So, it was no surprise that he had him at the edge of coming in only a couple of minutes. He didn’t try to stop himself from coming like he normally would. When he felt it pooling at the bottom of his stomach, he brought a hand to cover his mouth and nose to avoid moaning too loudly. He came all over the door and he groaned at the thought of having to clean it.

“Shit,” Heeseung cursed as Sunghoon attempted to clean the cum off the door. “We have like 3 minutes to pull ourselves together, your hair’s a mess.”

“And whose fault is that?” Sunghoon accused him. Heeseung’s response was to try and fix Sunghoon’s hair a little, only managing to get Sunghoon to swat his hand away. He didn’t like the feeling that came with Heeseung gently combing his hair.

“I was trying to help,” Heeseung pouted. Sunghoon ignored the fluttering of his heart.

“Help by getting out of here before anyone comes looking for us,” Sunghoon avoided Heeseung’s eyes, focusing on fixing his pants. “Maybe wash your face before you go,” Sunghoon commented. He was sure everyone would be able to smell his slick on Heeseung otherwise.

Heeseung nodded and, with some difficulty, walked out of the stall. Sunghoon could hear the water running for a moment before Heeseung left the bathroom entirely. After what they had done, he wasn’t entirely sure if he felt better or worse. Now he couldn’t stop thinking of getting fucked by Heeseung again, he couldn’t wait for it to happen. He ran his hand through his hair and left the stall, determined to look as flawless as ever. After a couple of attempts at taming his hair, he decided to get it wet and comb it with his fingers. At least like that it looked intentional. He checked for any cum stains anywhere before returning to practice. He was late, as expected, but Heeseung had covered for him, so no one questioned anything. 

A couple of minutes later, it became obvious that they shouldn’t have done anything before practice ended. They were a literal mess. Sunghoon was so distracted he almost didn’t notice that Heeseung was just as bad as he was. They were making mistakes left and right, forgetting where they should be and what they should do. Sunghoon had the decency of looking ashamed, while Heeseung just excused himself with his rut. 

“Ah, not this again hyung,” Riki complained. “We’ve been over this part, like, fifteen times, please focus.”

“Sorry guys, I think my rut is not completely out of my system yet,” Heeseung said sheepishly. 

“And your excuse, Sunghoon-hyung?” Jungwon looked at him snappishly, probably mad at him since he had accidentally step on him twice. 

Sunghoon had to think for a second before answering, “Honestly, I don’t know.” Because he really couldn’t come up with an excuse, “maybe it’s just not my day,” he added.

“Seriously?” Jay sounded offended by Sunghoon’s statement. 

“I’ll just stay late to get some extra practice in.” To most, that sounded genuine, but Sunghoon knew better.

“Yeah, I think I’ll stay with you,” Sunghoon commented while looking straight at Heeseung. 

“Or you could try to focus now,” Riki offered, managing to sound only a little annoyed.

“I’ll try, but I still think some extra practice would be good for me…” Sunghoon said, looking over at Heeseung and hoping he got what he was implying. The little smirk that formed on Heeseung’s lips told him they wouldn’t be practising much, if no one else joined them. They looked tired enough already that they would most likely not stay past what was demanded of them.

“Suit yourselves, the second we can leave I’m going back to the dorm.” Jake commented, sitting on the floor. Sunoo agreed with him enthusiastically. 

They kept making mistakes for the rest of the day, only managing to be slightly less clumsy. Now it wasn’t because they were pent up, but because they were eager for their extra practice time. Sunghoon couldn’t wait for everyone else to leave and Heeseung to bend him forward against the mirror. Or over the small table that was next to the door for them to leave their stuff. He’d even let him fuck him on the floor, honestly, he didn’t care as long as he got Heeseung’s dick in him. Heeseung wouldn’t be knotting him, though, they couldn’t risk someone coming in with them literally locked together. 

Riki was the last one to leave, staying behind just a couple of extra minutes. Sunghoon was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. He was so desperate and horny it was a tad bit pathetic, but he couldn’t care less even if he tried. They really had become too dependent on the other for this, if only a week apart caused him to feel like this. 

They pretended to practise for a total of five minutes after Riki left before Heeseung had him pressed against the floor with his ass up in the air. Everything in his body would hurt the next day, from Heeseung’s dick and the hard floor, But Sunghoon couldn’t and wouldn’t wait for another minute. With Heeseung’s hand pressing down over the back of his neck, Sunghoon searched for comfort by placing his arms under his head. His forehead resting on his forearms. 

With how desperate they both were, they didn’t bother getting undressed more than what was necessary. Heeseung hooked his fingers on Sunghoon’s waistband and pulled his pants and underwear down enough to have access to his hole. If he wasn’t so horny, Sunghoon would be dreading the lack of lube. As things were, Sunghoon was looking forward to the burn and pain. Hopefully, his slick would be enough not to hurt him too intensely. If he could walk the following day, he’d count it as a win. 

Far in the back of his mind, he considered the fact that they didn’t have any condoms with them, so this could be their chance to fuck without one. That he’ll finally be able to feel Heeseung’s dick without that layer in between. His illusion was crushed instantly as he saw that Heeseung was prepared. He did not have lube, but he did have a condom. Either way, he wasn’t able to think about it for long, as Heeseung rammed two fingers into him. 

“A warning would have been nice,” Sunghoon complained after he bit on his lip to avoid moaning loudly.

“We don’t have time for that.” Heeseung moved his fingers skilfully inside of him and made it impossible for Sunghoon to remain focused. 

“There’s always time for warnings,” he managed to grumble, but the sound that came out of him right after nullified any validity his annoyance could have held. “Fuck, hyung,” he moaned softly. It was unfair for Heeseung to be that good with just his fingers. 

“You are so wet already,” Heeseung sounded amused. 

Preparation was important for them; nothing could give them away, and a limping Sunghoon would cause suspicions. Especially if it happened every other day. This time, though, they were rushing it. The way that Heeseung was opening him up, completely disregarding the fact that they weren’t in a private room, told Sunghoon that Heeseung was as needy as he was. Neither caring that anyone could walk in, at any point. Heeseung not caring that if in his hurry he made it hard for Sunghoon to contain his moans. They needed to feel each other and it was driving them insane.

Heeseung was more focused on stretching him out than bringing him pleasure, and yet he had him squirming under his touch. Sunghoon’s t-shirt had ridden up towards his chest and Heeseung used that to move the hand he had on Sunghoon’s neck over to his nipples. Sunghoon was really there just to take everything Heeseung wanted to give him. He writhed and arched his back from the stimulation, pushing his ass towards Heeseung’s fingers. 

“Enough already, just fuck me please.” Sunghoon didn’t mean to beg, but he was willing to do it again if it would get him what he wanted.

“Calm down, baby, we can’t have you getting hurt,” Heeseung said, but his harsh breathing gave away how he actually felt. Sunghoon, however, chose to focus on how Heeseung had called him. He’d never called him baby before and it got him feeling weird all over. 

“Hyung, please…” He begged more desperately. 

“You liked that? Like me calling you baby?” Heeseung seemed to notice his reaction. “What else do you like being called? I know you like pup,” he mumbled as he fingered him more powerfully. “And you tighten all up with baby…” As if to prove his point, Sunghoon did it again. “What about kitten? You are mewling just like one, have your back curved and ass up like one, too.” He was being mocked, but Sunghoon whimpered with arousal anyway. 

“Please, please , I need it,” he pleaded.

“Yeah? What does my kitten need?” Heeseung chose that moment to press his fingers further into him. Sunghoon chose to ignore the way Heeseung’s possessiveness made him feel, focusing instead just on his arousal. 

“Your cock,” Sunghoon almost screamed. “Please, give me your cock.” He was desperately trying to hold onto anything, but the floor didn’t offer him that.

Heeseung pulled his fingers out, “such a good boy,” he whispered before ramming into Sunghoon. Both moaned as Heeseung’s dick got buried deep inside Sunghoon, finally getting what they wanted. What they had been waiting for.

For a moment, Heeseung stayed still. In part it was because he wanted to avoid hurting Sunghoon as much as possible, but he also just wanted to enjoy the warmth and wetness of Sunghoon’s hole. He had wanted to fuck him for the entirety of his rut and it had drove him insane. He was enjoying what had taken so long for him to get. That is, if you considered a week to be a long time. However, Sunghoon didn’t have that kind of patience. When he noticed Heeseung was taking his time, he started rocking his body back and forth, fucking himself onto Heeseung’s dick.

It made Heeseung moan and hold onto Sunghoon’s hips to stop his movements. It was for a second only, and after that, Heeseung let him continue. He just needed to compose himself, so much wanting and waiting would have made him come right away. Sunghoon didn’t care about that, he wanted to feel good and get to feel Heeseung in him again. 

The moan that came out of Sunghoon the moment Heeseung slapped his ass was obscene, and probably loud enough for people outside to hear him. He rushed to cover his mouth, biting onto his arms to muffle his whimpers. 

Eventually, Sunghoon’s movements became faster and harsher. He needed more and Heeseung wasn’t doing anything. “You are not fucking me,” he complained, looking over his shoulder At Heeseung.

“You said you wanted my cock, there you have it.” Sunghoon groaned, frustrated. 

“Fuck me with it,” he demanded. “Please, just- you said we didn’t have time, why are you doing this?” He bit onto his arm again when Heeseung slapped him harder.

“One day I will actually punish you for speaking like that, baby,” he grumbled and Sunghoon trembled. “But you are right, we don’t have the time for this,” he agreed. 

Maybe Sunghoon should have kept his mouth shut, because if he was having trouble restraining his moans before it was nothing compared to when Heeseung actually started thrusting into him. He forcefully held onto his hips and pounded as hard as he could into him. His thrusts were hard and fast, almost like he was rushing for them to come. Like he knew once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Sunghoon could only hope there was no one nearby, there was just no way they wouldn’t be able to hear what was going on inside that practice room. Be it the continuous moaning from both of them, the sound of their skin hitting against each other or the constant gush of slick that was coming out of Sunghoon and making the most indecent noise; everything was just too loud.

And then, suddenly, Sunghoon was coming. It took him by surprise, so much so he pushed away from Heeseung’s thrusts as his body seemed to spasm all over. He had never come so unexpectedly in his life, but Heeseung seemed to catch on rather fast as he made quick work of his own dick with his hand, removing the condom and coming over Sunghoon’s back. 

In his weak and exhausted state, Sunghoon let himself feel disappointed at the fact that he’d have to get the smell of Heeseung’s cum off of his skin before returning to the dorms. A second after recovering his breath he groaned at the thought of how hard that would be. Almost as hard as cleaning the room and making sure no traces of what they had done were left behind. Especially the smell of sex that had gathered in there. 

It took them a while to get everything and themselves clean, and by the time they got back to the dorms it was past midnight. Everyone had gone to sleep except for Jake, who had been waiting for them. They apologised for being so late and watched as a very tired Jake left to sleep as well. They stayed up just long enough to have something to eat, then each left to their own room. 

Heeseung was lucky, having no roommates meant he didn’t have to be as careful changing into his nightwear. Sunghoon, on the other hand, had to do it in the dark and trying to not wake any of his three roommates. He wasn’t worried about Riki, he had a very deep sleep, but Sunoo and Jungwon did not and they would kill him if he woke them up. What was worse was that he was starting to feel sore all over. From his ass and lower back to his knees and arms. He managed to successfully change and get into bed without waking up anyone, but he could already tell that it would be hell once he woke up.

Chapter Text

If there was one thing Sunghoon hated more than Heeseung’s rut, it was his own heat. Because not only they couldn’t fuck, he was horny as hell and in that moment, he had a weird ache that just craved. Sunghoon wasn’t quite yet in heat, but like with Heeseung’s rut, hey had to stop fucking a couple of days before it actually hit. He was not entirely sure if they’d become addicted to sex, if it was just him or if it was because they got used to being able to do it whenever. What he is sure about is that he hated not being allowed to and that he needed something inside him.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t go to Heeseung. Not when everyone was still awake and would continue to be for a while. Sharing his room also meant he couldn’t just do whatever he wanted, or that would be the case if he didn’t share his room with two other omegas. Riki was still unpresented, Sunghoon believed he was a late bloomer, so he was a bit lost about these things. One look at Sunoo and Jungwon and the two omegas immediately understood what was happening. They nodded and that was all Sunghoon needed to be assured that Riki wouldn’t come into the room for a while. Neither would anyone else.

Not having to worry about being interrupted, he closed the door to the room, and just in case, he locked it. He walked over to his stuff and looked for his toys, he had a couple for his heat. However, he was looking for one in particular, one he got after he started the whole arrangement with Heeseung. It was big. Definitely not as big as Heeseung, but close enough. He just really needed to be filled and being used to Heeseung’s size, nothing too small would work.

He threw a towel over his bed, there was no way he was letting it get all messed up, and pulled down his sweatpants and underwear. Pouring lube on his hand, he managed not to feel too self-conscious while he teased himself. He had forgotten how it was to do it by himself; the only reason he even had trimmed his nails was because of his heat, knowing Heeseung couldn’t be there. Slowly, he opened himself up, making sure to stretch himself out properly. It didn’t take as much time as it used to, which only made him think of how often he really was having sex with Heeseung. In no time, he was putting lube all over his biggest dildo and pushing it into himself.

He moaned, as quietly as he could, but it somehow felt wrong. It was not enough.

Trembling as he got the whole thing inside his hole, he started moving it in and out of himself. For some reason, and as good as it felt, it wasn’t enough. It was not big enough, not warm enough, not the right shape, it was just wrong all over. Before he realised it, he was crying and desperate because it just wasn’t right. 

It wasn’t Heeseung and he refused to acknowledge what that meant for him. 

He tried, though, to concentrate on what he was doing without comparing it to Heeseung. Trying to feel good just from the physical pleasure and ignoring everything else. But he was still crying. As much as his mind understood, knew that it would be dangerous to go to Heeseung, his body didn’t give a shit. If he could have something bigger, warmer and real, why would he settle for this piece of silicon. At that point, it wasn’t even about feeling good or being filled, his body just wanted Heeseung. 

With a frustrated groan, he pulled the dildo out and threw it away. He’d clean it in a bit, for now he just wanted to stop the tears and hiccups from continuing. He blamed it on his heat, it was so close and he was so used to Heeseung his body just wouldn’t be satisfied with anything else. It obviously was his heat’s fault, Sunghoon would not be listening to the tiny voice at the back of his mind telling him it was more than just that.

Ignoring reason, he made up his mind. He pulled his sweatpants and underwear back up and changed his t-shirt for a longer one, one that would reach his mid-thighs. This, what he was planning, was risky and he wasn’t sure Heeseung would agree. He hoped he would, because he was frustrated and it would only get worse once his heat started. With this, he went to clean his dildo and subtly nodded at Sunoo to let them know he was done. He wasn’t, but they didn’t need to know that. 

He didn’t even knock before walking into Heeseung’s room. Like he had expected, Heeseung was just playing on his computer, so immersed in it he didn’t even notice when Sunghoon walked in. He didn’t even notice when Sunghoon closed the door behind himself, though he didn’t lock it because that would be too suspicious. Sunghoon walked over to Heeseung, and he only looked up from the screen when Sunghoon placed a hand on his thigh.

“Hey, didn’t hear you come in,” Heeseung said, surprised. 

“Could tell,” was the only thing Sunghoon said. He watched as Heeseung paused his game and just then did he push Heeseung’s chair away from the computer.

“Did you need anything?” Heeseung asked, though he allowed Sunghoon to do whatever he wanted. 

“Yeah,” he placed his hand full on over Heeseung’s crotch. “Your dick.”

“Sunghoon, we talked about this,” Heeseung sighed. “We can’t do anything before our heat or rut and we shouldn’t do stuff while the rest are still awake.” That second part changed, it used to be while the rest were around, but they eventually became too impatient for that.

“I know, but- I- hyung, you don’t even need to fuck me, I just need your dick.” Maybe it was the desperation in his voice or maybe Heeseung saw how frustrated he was, either way, Heeseung gave in.

“Alright, fine,” he said as he pulled out his dick. Sunghoon was embarrassed by how he almost whined just at the sight of it. “Help me get hard.” It was like a spell that had Sunghoon on his knees. He didn’t want to take too long, he wanted that dick in his ass as soon as possible, and thankfully, Heeseung seemed to be in the mood. 

“That should do,” Sunghoon said, pulling off of Heeseung’s dick. 

“Hold on, let me get a condom.” Sunghoon pouted at that, but was not going to complain. He was used to it already, and had accepted Heeseung wouldn’t stop wearing condoms any time soon. “Come sit, I assume you are stretched out already,” Heeseung said, patting his lap after he got the condom on. “But remember, you can’t move, let me finish the game.” 

Sunghoon was nodding as he pulled his pants down just enough for his ass to be exposed, holding his t-shirt up and to the front. With his back towards Heeseung, he lowered himself over Heeseung’s lap. Heeseung helped guide him so he’d get his dick inside. He knew the longer they took the more dangerous it would be, that someone could walk in at any point, but this was something he couldn’t rush. He felt the head of Heeseung’s dick stretching him open like his dildo had, but this time it was better. It already felt ten times better.

Breathing was hard, for a second, as he got the entire length of Heeseung’s girthy dick inside of him. He spread his legs so Heeseung’s would be in between them and let his t-shirt fall down, covering what they were doing. He swallowed down a moan when Heeseung moved to get more comfortable and closer to the computer. Heeseung circled a hand around him and pushed him backwards, so Sunghoon would be resting against his chest. 

In all honesty, Sunghoon felt himself relax almost instantaneously. His body felt incredibly good and the ache that just wanted completely banished. He relaxed so much, at some point he started to doze off. For a while, he tried to focus on Heeseung’s game. It seemed fun and all, but his eyes kept going down towards Heeseung’s hands and all his concentration went away. It was worse when, unintentionally, Heeseung would move as a reaction to something happening in the game. He had to bite down moans and that was the only reason he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. 

Sunghoon’s heart stopped when the door opened. He looked over and saw Jake coming in; he prayed Jake wouldn’t notice anything. Wouldn’t be able to smell anything.

“Hey, hyung, mind if I join you two for a bit?” And there was no way Jake was asking what Sunghoon thought he was asking. 

“Sure, Sunghoon’s not really playing, just watching,” Heeseung answered naturally. That made more sense, Sunghoon thought, that Jake was asking to play and not to have sex with them. 

“Why are you on his lap though?” Jake directed the question at Sunghoon, who struggled to focus on his words.

“Wanted to annoy him,” Sunghoon managed to speak in a relatively normal tone, even if his heart felt like it was about to come out his throat. 

“That doesn’t seem to be working,” Jake commented with a chuckle. Jake had brought a chair to sit on. Sunghoon had to hold in any whimper that may have come out, as Heeseung made space for Jake. 

“Yeah…” He sighed into his answer and hoped Jake wouldn’t notice the pleasure underneath. “Got comfy,” He admitted and Jake laughed hitting him lightly. It was enough to make him whine, but for the way Heeseung’s dick pressed inside him at it.

“Relax again,” Heeseung whispered into his ear. Sunghoon had no other option but to obey him.

He didn’t know how long it passed, Heeseung and Jake could play for hours, and Sunghoon was once again falling asleep. He was so at ease, so full and content that he almost started purring. He’d never purred around Heeseung, much less because of Heeseung. So, when the purr started to form at the back of his throat, he choked it down. It was more out of surprise than a conscious decision, but it was still stupid. Because as soon as he choked, he started coughing, which caused his whole body to move. Heeseung had to hold him down against him, just so Jake wouldn’t see anything, but at the same time that made his dick press further inside of Sunghoon. 

He had to make an inhuman effort not to let out a loud moan, he gripped Heeseung’s chair tightly to ease some of the tension. Jake was startled as soon as Sunghoon started coughing and was looking at him with worry. 

“Holy- do you need water?” Sunghoon nodded, anything to get Jake away for a couple of minutes. 

As soon as Jake was out of the room, Sunghoon let out a wanton sigh. “Are you okay?” Heeseung asked.

“Y-yeah.” Honestly, he was just glad his hard on couldn’t be seen. “S-sorry for moving,” he said as he tried with all his strength not to shake.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t intentional, was it?” Heeseung pressed him down even further, the grip around his stomach getting tighter. Sunghoon covered his mouth quickly and let out a loud exhale from his nose. 

“N-no, of course, n-not,” Sunghoon answered when he thought he’d be able to without moaning in the middle of his sentence. Heeseung nodded and in that second, Jake came back.

“Here,” he handed him the glass of water.

It took Sunghoon a second to drink it, trying to keep his lower half as still as possible. “Thanks, Jakey.” He placed the glass on top of the desk in front of him.

“Sounded like you were about to die there,” Jake exaggerated, probably. “It’s pretty late already, I didn’t even notice,” he commented, seemingly, out of nowhere. “We should go to sleep; you were already half asleep anyway.” 

“We don’t have to get up early tomorrow, we can play for a little longer,” Heeseung said. Sunghoon wasn’t sure he meant Jake and him on the computer or if he wanted to play with him for longer.

“Na, we still shouldn’t fuck our sleeping schedule too badly anyway,” Jake reasoned. 

“I’ll stay for a bit…” Sunghoon hoped it didn’t sound or look suspicious. “Unless you want to sleep?” he directed his question at Heeseung.

“No, I’ll play some more,” and this time, Sunghoon knew he didn’t mean the game. 

“Do as you wish, don’t complain tomorrow,” Jake shrugged, but Sunghoon had the feeling Jake knew, or suspected, something.

When Jake left the room, Heeseung hastily pushed Sunghoon forward and off his dick. “Get on the bed, Sunghoonie…” Heeseung ordered and Sunghoon didn’t have any reasons not to follow his command. As he got on the bed, Heeseung checked that everyone else was asleep, or at least in their room, and closed the door. 

“Hyung…” Sunghoon mewled as Heeseung undressed him.

“You did so well, baby,” Heeseung mumbled against the skin of his stomach. “Holding still for me, even with Jake around, such a good boy,” Heeseung continued, kissing over the area. Sunghoon fought the part of him that wanted Heeseung to bite and mark him.

“T-told you I didn’t need any more,” he gasped at the end of the sentence, Heeseung parted his legs and continued trailing kisses down in between them. 

“Are you sure about that?” Heeseung teased him.

“I-” Sunghoon swallowed, “I want m-more now…” he admitted.

“Thought so,” Heeseung said and flipped Sunghoon around. “Hold yourself up,” he told him, and Sunghoon made the effort to stay up on his hands and knees.

That didn’t last, though, as Heeseung thrusted into him and Sunghoon had to lower his face into the pillow to avoid screaming. He wouldn’t be lasting long, after his coughing fit and having Jake almost discover them, he was ready to burst. Heeseung’s insane speed and strength weren’t helping at all. If he was right, Heeseung was probably in a similar state to his. He knew Heeseung’s habits already, so he was sure. 

“Y-you can’t knot m-me,” Sunghoon mumbled against the pillow, but Heeseung understood him anyway.

“I know, kitten, but I had to fuck you,” Heeseung answered back, voice as unstable as Sunghoon’s. “Had you on my dick for so long, being so good,” he groaned. 

Sunghoon was holding back with everything he had to avoid being loud. He wanted everyone to hear how good Heeseung was fucking him, how good he was making him feel. It was irrational, a thought that came out from the deepest parts of his brain. The part he usually ignored. Yet, it seemed to be getting louder and louder every day. Sunghoon blamed his nearing heat, this and the purring, it had to be. The alternative was still something he absolutely refused to accept as even a possibility. 

His thought process was cut off by a particularly hard thrust against his prostate. His focus returning to Heeseung and how loud he was being. If any of the others was awake, there was no way they wouldn’t be able to hear them. Heeseung might have closed the door, but that would do little to muffle their cries and moans. And maybe it was because it was the middle of the night and they were supposed to be quiet, but Sunghoon could swear everything sounded louder than usual. The sound their skin made when it got in contact, the wet sound from his slick, Heeseung’s moans, his own moans. He could hear it all five times louder than what it usually sounded like. Somehow, that turned him on even more. 

Heeseung was over him, chest almost pressed against his back. Heeseung was breathing over his neck, almost kissing the skin over his scent gland; Sunghoon had to ignore the way that made him feel. He had to ignore the way the idea of Heeseung marking him there made him shiver and moan. He had to ignore the fact that he almost seemed to wish that would happen. Because he didn’t want that, not one bit.

He wasn’t an exhibitionist, at least he hadn’t thought he was. But with these new found feelings and thoughts, the way he wanted everyone to know what Heeseung did to him; the way he wanted everyone to hear how Heeseung made him sound, it was something he’d have to consider. And maybe he was choosing to ignore the little voice telling him it had nothing to do with that. The voice that told him it was an animalistic instinct to show off what was his. The voice that whispered that he wanted everyone to know Heeseung was his alpha, and he was his omega. The voice that told him he wanted to show off his alpha.

Because Heeseung wasn’t his. Heeseung wasn’t his alpha and he wasn’t Heeseung’s omega. 

He also chose to ignore the way his heart broke a little at that thought and the single tear that escaped his eye.

Instead, he focused on the way Heeseung felt inside of him. He focused on the way Heeseung was moaning and grunting. He focused on the growing heat at the bottom of his stomach and how ready he was to come. He focused on the feeling of Heeseung’s knot growing and him pulling out to avoid knotting him because they couldn’t risk it. He focused on how he came just from Heeseung’s command. He focused on the way Heeseung came inside of the condom instead of over his back, like he usually would.

Realistically, he knew it was to save them some time cleaning up, but it still felt weird. 

After they got cleaned up and they aired out Heeseung’s room, Sunghoon left for his own room. Again, he had to be extremely quiet not to wake up any of the other three sleeping inside the room. He was honestly surprised he had managed to do so as often as he did, he had thought one of them would wake up at some point. Especially after such a good fuck, when his legs were wobbly and he could barely walk. 

He lied in bed, shutting down the little voice that always became louder when he went to bed. The little voice that wanted him to return to Heeseung and sleep there with him. It was absurd, he told the little voice, he didn’t want to sleep with Heeseung, not in the innocent way. He didn’t want to cuddle him and stay in his arms after fucking. And maybe his heart wavered a little, but the little voice was not going to win. He knew better than to listen to it.

Chapter Text

Sunghoon’s heat began two days after he last had sex with Heeseung. 

It started like any other of his heats, really, it took him a second to realise it had already started. He was feeling dizzy and heated since he woke up, and by noon he caught on that it was his heat. Like the other members, he didn’t spend his heat at the dorm, instead going over to one of the special rooms the company had for them. He had taken his toys with him and hoped that would be enough to satiate him. He had a feeling this heat would be worse than the previous ones. 

Like he had stated, he hated his heats. Even if, lately, it seemed like he was always irrationally horny, his heats made it worse. A lot worse. What he hated the most was that he always ended up exhausted and filthy after his heats. He was so focused on pleasuring himself, on having something in him, he hardly ate and, during the three days it lasted, he wouldn’t even touch a shower. He wasn’t even entirely sure he took the time to properly go piss, and he had a growing suspicion that he simply pissed himself most of the time. 

And that’s the other thing he hated about them; how absolutely out of it he was. To the point he wasn’t aware of what he did and didn’t do. He’d remember bits and pieces of it, but for the most part, it was a blank period for him. He was only left with the feelings and filth of it to deal with. 

He had packed a bunch of clothes into his bag before he left, too. This was, of course, for the nest he would be building in the room. Most of it was for it, anyway, he had one change of clothes specifically for after his heat was over; something clean he could change into. As soon as he got into the room, he dropped all the clothes and toys onto the bed, except for that one change of clothes. He closed the bag again and hid it under the bed, he tended to look for more stuff once his instincts took over. 

It was as he was building his nest, arranging all the different fabrics in a way he liked, that he noticed something was off. By that he meant, something was not his . In between the mess he had of shirts and sweats, he found a hoodie that was definitely not his. And with the way its scent overpowered all others in the room, he could immediately tell whom it belonged to. Because that hoodie, that had somewhat gotten into his bag, was Heeseung’s.

Sunghoon just stared at it for a moment. He could not, for the life of him, remember putting that into his bag. He would never do such a thing. It would be too out of line; it would imply too many things that simply weren’t true. Having, intentionally or otherwise, put Heeseung’s heavily scented hoodie in his bag to have it with him during his heat would mean he wanted Heeseung there with him. And sure, he could admit to wanting to have someone, an alpha, fucking him through his heat. Yet this, packing something for his nest from Heeseung meant more than just that. It meant that he wanted more than just an alpha with him; it would mean he wanted Heeseung to take care of him. It would mean he, plainly and simply, wanted Heeseung .

And that he did not want, not at all. Not even hypothetically. 

Yet, with the hoodie in his hands and his heat having practically already started, he couldn’t stop thinking about Heeseung being there with him. While he probably has thought of Heeseung before while in heat, it had never happened while he was conscious. He wished he wasn’t conscious, so he could stop feeling so much on his chest. He wished what he was feeling was just arousal and sexual desire amplified by his heat. He refused to believe it was anything other than that.

He quickly discarded the hoodie to the side, if he couldn’t see it, he didn’t have to think about it. Besides, there were way too many things he had to prepare before his heat rendered him nothing more than a moaning and lustful mess. Kind of like Heeseung did.

After everything was set, it was only a matter of waiting for his heat to hit. He could already feel his temperature raising and the subtle need to pleasure himself. He ate some food before just lying on his nest, waiting. At some point, he fell asleep and when he woke up, he was covered in sweat and was already panting heavily. He’d turned to the side in his sleep and had clung to Heeseung’s hoodie. But, by then, he didn’t care what it potentially meant for him, his mind just knew the scent belonged to his alpha and he needed it to survive. 

Shamelessly, he buried his head against the hoodie and inhaled sharply, taking in as much of Heeseung’s scent as possible. He moaned loudly and wantonly, shoving a hand into his pants, which he promptly discarded. Only being able to smell Heeseung, he fisted his cock desperately and pushed himself over the edge in seconds. It wasn’t enough, though.

With his mind focused just on pleasure and Heeseung, apparently, he reached further behind himself and pressed two fingers against his hole. He felt how it twitched and leaked, how it fluttered and almost begged for something to fill him up. So he did, without any hesitation, he got both fingers inside himself. He was always grateful he had long fingers, though they couldn’t compare to the way Heeseung’s made him feel. And they would never be as good as Heeseung’s cock. 

He cried, pained and distraught that Heeseung wasn’t there to fill him how he wanted. To fuck him hard and get so much cum in him he’d be bloated. He pressed his nose further into the hoodie, trying to compensate for Heeseung’s absence with his scent. He pushed another finger inside and panted while closing his eyes. It felt so good, but it wasn’t enough. 

Blindly, he grabbed the first toy he could reach for with his other hand. Risking hurting himself, he removed his fingers and pushed the dildo into him right away. He simply couldn’t wait to feel full. If Heeseung were there, he’d be touching him all over. He’d tease his nipples and caress his skin. He wouldn’t mark it, not intentionally, but sometimes he was so rough some marks still appeared. Rough fingerprints, a couple scratches… If Heeseung were there with him, while he was in heat, maybe he wouldn’t be able to resist and would bite him everywhere. 

He’d bite his stomach and chest, his back and shoulders, his thighs and his ass. He’d bite his neck. It was embarrassing how much he wanted Heeseung to bite him, but in that moment, as he drove the dildo in and out of himself and gently wrapped his fingers around his neck, he didn’t care. He came, fast and loud and messy. He came all over himself and he didn’t even bother to take the toy out as he caught his breath. 

It wasn’t long before he was pleasuring himself again. And again. He slipped in and out of consciousness several times and he kept his nose close to Heeseung’s hoodie. He needed to be smelling Heeseung at all times. 

At some point during the night, he started fucking himself onto his biggest dildo. He had already confirmed that it wasn’t as big as Heeseung, that it wasn’t as good as his alpha, but it made for a good enough substitute when paired with Heeseung’s scent. He felt exhausted, but it was as if his body didn’t care for any other need that wasn’t sexual. In fact, it wasn’t until after he came again that his body finally acknowledged the ache from his bladder. He didn’t get up, though, knowing his legs wouldn’t be able to carry him to the bathroom, and instead just went there. He didn’t care, the nest and all the clothes were a mess of slick, cum, sweat and saliva, what was one more thing added to that?

For the following three days, that was his routine. He’d sleep, wake up, fuck himself with any of his toys and occasionally piss himself and drink some water. During the second day, he managed to stay conscious enough to eat some energy bars and weird pre-made food, but nothing more than that. He lost count and stopped thinking of how much he’d been imagining Heeseung touching him. The fact that he knew what his touch felt like didn’t help at all.

When his heat finally broke during the third day, Sunghoon was exhausted, hungry and disgusted. He wished heats could be less of a mess, for them to give him enough time to take a shower. He bet Heeseung would have cleaned him up if he had been there.

The thought shocked him so hard, he got up despite the pain and fatigue. His heat was over, he should not be thinking about Heeseung again. Not like that.

Completely ignoring his brain, Sunghoon looked for his only clean change of clothes and headed towards the bathroom. With his mind blank and void of any thoughts, just in case, he filled the bathtub. He’d be taking a long and relaxing bath, one that would guarantee his mind wouldn’t come up with thoughts of Heeseung again. He also needed to take his time because he’d be washing off three days of heat, his skin simply felt disgusting. 

He spent over an hour in the bath, but he thought it just made sense. It might have had to do with him not wanting to pack everything back into his bag. Sighing, Sunghoon finally emerged from the bathroom, cleaned and changed. His hair was still wet, but he’d take care of that later. First, he had to pack. Even if everything had come out of him, it felt absolutely filthy to be touching it. Mostly, he just threw everything into the bag, he had to wash it all anyway so he was not going to be careful. The last thing he had left to put away was Heeseung’s hoodie. By the state of it, he wasn’t sure how he was going to return it, or if he was going to return it at all.

It still faintly smelled like Heeseung underneath all the layers of his own scent. He hated the effect it still had on him, which made him conclude he absolutely could not return yet. It was very likely he’d just jump Heeseung as soon as he was back if this was the effect his faded-out scent had on him. 

He’d have to find a way to get a clean space to sleep. The things he was doing because he didn’t want to blow up their cover. He knew the others would question them and possibly not believe that they were just friends. Or they’d make it awkward for them and then they’d have to stop; Sunghoon didn’t want to stop. Their arrangement was just convenient, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he had struggled to put Heeseung’s hoodie away for a couple of minutes.

If that night, when he went to sleep, he wished he wasn’t alone in the room, no one had to know. If he wished Heeseung was there with him again; if he imagined Heeseung’s arms around him as he fell asleep, he didn’t have to think about it. Even if his intention for staying one extra night there had been to stop thinking about Heeseung so much, he’d allowed it as long as the thoughts stayed in that room.

“Jesus, hyung, that bag smells,” Sunoo said as soon as Sunghoon entered the dorm. He was scrunching his nose and frowning, yet he sniffed again. Sunghoon felt paranoid, like Sunoo could smell Heeseung’s hoodie in between all his stained and smelly clothes.

“I don’t know what you were expecting,” He commented, moving the bag away from Sunoo. “I’ll wash everything later.”

“Don’t leave that thing in our room,” Jungwon said, sounding as serious as he could. “It’ll stink up the whole place.”

“Fine, I’ll just wash them now,” he groaned and walked past them, towards the laundry room.

Briefly, he made eye contact with Heeseung, and that was enough to remind him of everything he had thought of. He quickly averted his gaze and hurried to the laundry room. It was early in the morning and the rest would probably leave soon, so he’d be able to take his time with his clothes.  Plus, he’d be able to decide what to do with Heeseung’s hoodie without anyone seeing. 

At least, he had expected that, but ten minutes later he found Heeseung walking into the laundry room. He hadn’t been paying attention, but he was almost certain everyone had left, so Heeseung entering the room startled him. He became even more shocked when Heeseung grabbed him by the waist and pushed him against the washing machine. 

“I was expecting you back yesterday,” he murmured. Sunghoon didn’t know why he liked the idea of Heeseung waiting for him so much, especially when he knew it was just because Heeseung was horny.

“Couldn’t wait an extra day?” Sunghoon teased him, Heeseung just breathily laughed.

“You have no idea,” Heeseung said before leaning in and kissing Sunghoon deeply.

“W-wait, hyung,” Sunghoon pushed him away. He had to focus, and by that he meant he had to make sure Heeseung didn’t see his hoodie between his clothes. “As much as I’d love to fuck, I still have to finish this.”

“I’ll help you later,” Heeseung offered, but Sunghoon wanted him as far away from his clothes as possible. 

“You know I hate the mess…” Somehow, though, his need for Heeseung’s touch was winning against his logic.

“Please?” If there was one thing Sunghoon couldn’t resist, it was when Heeseung begged. “Please, we’ll do it fast and everything,” he reasoned. “Everyone else has left, please, Hoonie, we rarely have this kind of opportunity.” Heeseung’s eyes were doing more than half the work convincing Sunghoon. 

“Fine, but we are being quick,” Sunghoon gave up, he wasn’t really offering much resistance to begin with.

“Sure,” Heeseung returned to kissing Sunghoon.

Sunghoon was used to the way Heeseung kissed him, like he wanted to devour him. He liked it, a lot. The way Heeseung would prove for him to open his mouth, the way he sucked on his bottom lip and tongue. Heeseung would bite Sunghoon’s lips occasionally and lick over them after. Sunghoon always responded to the kiss with as much intensity as Heeseung put into it, but sometimes that wasn’t enough and he’d press for more. 

Like he was doing right then, as he fisted his hands on Heeseung’s t-shirt and pulled him closer by it. He felt how Heeseung’s hands went from his waist to his back, then down to his thighs. Sunghoon already knew what Heeseung was about to do, knew how much Heeseung enjoyed lifting him up and on top of whatever surface was nearest. Just like that, Sunghoon found himself half sitting on top of the washing machine, Heeseung pressed in between his legs and keeping him up. He didn’t wait for Heeseung to guide him or ask him; he locked his legs behind his back like he usually did. 

“Hyung, hurry,” Sunghoon mumbled over Heeseung’s lips. 

“Ah… let me enjoy you.” Heeseung was still squeezing his thighs, but at Sunghoon’s insistence, he moved them to be under Sunghoon’s t-shirt.

Sunghoon was not going to wait for Heeseung to hurry his pace, so he did it himself, pushing Heeseung back and taking off his own t-shirt. “You promised we’d do it fast,” Sunghoon reminded him. 

Heeseung groaned before leaning in to bite Sunghoon’s lower lip. Then, in one swift move, so fast Sunghoon didn’t even get how Heeseung managed it, he pulled of Sunghoon’s pants and underwear. It made Sunghoon gasp when his skin made contact with the coldness of the machine underneath him. He went to hook his legs behind Heeseung again, but he was stopped by Heeseung who needed a little of space between them.

“I’ll finger you,” Heeseung said. Even if Sunghoon wanted to complain for them to hurry, he had been fucking himself for three days straight on quite a big dildo after all, he didn’t. It hadn’t been a suggestion, and there was something in the way Heeseung’s voice had sounded, in the way he had looked at him, that left Sunghoon unable to speak.

So, he let Heeseung stretch him open, a process that went by fast as he was already pretty stretched. He moaned and pushed against Heeseung’s fingers whenever it felt good. He struggled to keep his legs spread and high enough for Heeseung to keep fingering him, he was still too sensitive from his heat and everything he had done. Plus, he had really missed the way Heeseung’s hands felt on him. 

“Okay, t-that’s e-enough,” Sunghoon breathed heavily. He was not going to last long.

Heeseung didn’t listen to him, though, continuing to move his fingers in and out of Sunghoon, pressing everywhere he knew Sunghoon loved. He only stopped when Sunghoon whined loudly while gripping his shoulders harshly. He pulled away from Sunghoon, who had to find his balance on top of the machine for a moment, to pull his pants down and put a condom on. Sunghoon wasn’t even surprised he had one at hand, it seemed like he always did.

As Heeseung entered him, Sunghoon told himself this was what he had truly missed during his heat. Not Heeseung or his touch, just a dick inside him. Maybe he had thought of Heeseung because he trusted him, but that was it. Heeseung was an alpha he knew, trusted and was comfortable having sex with, it was only natural that he’d think of him during his heat. It didn’t mean anything. 

His thoughts were completely thrown to the side as Heeseung started fucking into him with more strength. Sunghoon was unable to form any coherent thought as he felt himself getting closer to his orgasm and he held onto Heeseung as it continued to build up. 

“Oh, g-god,” Heeseung moaned. “Baby, you have to let go,” his voice was rough and forced, like he didn’t want Sunghoon to let go. “Can’t knot you like this,” he said, but didn’t stop pounding into Sunghoon. 

Logically, Sunghoon knew it was a terrible idea to have Heeseung knot him on top of the washing machine, but his body didn’t seem to care. Still, he forced himself to release Heeseung from his grip so he could pull out before his knot locked them together. Removing the condom, Heeseung jerked them off together, moaning as he came over Sunghoon’s stomach. That was all Sunghoon needed to come as well, their cum mixing over Sunghoon’s body.

“Fuck,” Sunghoon said after just breathing for a bit. “You are helping me with the laundry,” he told Heeseung. “In fact, you’ll do the laundry while I take a shower,” Sunghoon glared at Heeseung. 

“Okay,” Heeseung easily agreed. He had said he’d help Sunghoon before they had sex. “Take your time.” Sunghoon continued to glare at Heeseung as he got down from the machine.

He tested his steps before walking over to his room. His steps were wobbly, but he could manage. He was glad they were alone, so he didn’t mind being naked around the dorm. Since Heeseung told him to take his time, he did just that, and only came out of the bathroom after half an hour. He didn’t even shower for that long, he just wanted to annoy Heeseung. 

Most of his laundry ended up being done by Heeseung, and by the time everyone returned, Sunghoon was just starting to put away his clothes. He noticed Heeseung’s hoodie was gone, but Heeseung hadn’t mentioned anything. It was strange, but Sunghoon wasn’t going to ask.

Chapter Text

The day after Sunghoon returned, he felt eyes on him. Like someone was observing him. Someone other than Heeseung, of course, at that point, he could tell when it was Heeseung looking at him. And it wasn’t the fact that he was being observed that bothered him, but that it felt like someone was ready to ambush him. Not in the sexy way, Sunghoon felt honestly threatened.

Since he had just gotten back, he tried his best to ignore the sensation and focus on what he had to do. Strangely, he didn’t feel it the whole day, just at some points through it. However, it was intense enough that when he did feel it, he wanted to hide. He really started to worry when they got back to the dorms and he could still feel it. He was sure it wasn’t Heeseung, but it had to be one of the members. Otherwise, they were in serious problems. And it couldn’t be the cameras, first because he was used to that already, and second because they didn’t have any cameras on at the moment. Not that he was aware of, at least.

While everyone else did their own thing, playing around in the living room or talking about the day, mostly complaining about the day, Sunghoon casually sneaked away into his room. He hadn’t known that was exactly what the person who’d been watching him all day was waiting for.

“Hyung.” Sunghoon almost jumped out of his skin when Sunoo called him, he’d been on edge all day, it was to be expected.

“Don’t do that!” he complained, softly. 

“Sorry, but uh… can we talk for a second?” Sunghoon thought it was weird, the way Sunoo was approaching him, how he wouldn’t move from the door. 

Belatedly Sunghoon realised, he was trapped; whatever Sunoo wanted to talk about, Sunghoon would probably not like it. More importantly, Sunoo wasn’t actually asking if they could talk, he was demanding it. He wasn’t giving Sunghoon an option, they were having this conversation, whether Sunghoon wanted to or not.

“Sure…” Sunghoon recognised that he had no way out and he wasn’t going to argue, for the moment.

“Are you and Heeseung-hyung dating?” Sunoo asked. Sunghoon was taken aback by how straightforward the question was.

“Sorry, what?” Sunghoon needed to rewind, just to get to know where Sunoo was coming from. He was pretty sure no one had caught them doing anything yet, but if Sunoo somehow had, it would make sense he’d think this.

“So, you are not?” Sunoo pressured him. Sunghoon didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t reveal too much if Sunoo wasn’t aware of their activities.

“Absolutely not,” he settled for denying, he’d figure out Sunoo’s knowledge little by little.

“Don’t say it like you don’t want to date him,” Sunoo snickered. Sunghoon’s entire existence froze.

“I do not ,” he said firmly. “Why are you even asking these things?” he winced internally, he knew he sounded defensive.

Sunoo raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t mention anything about his tone. “A lot of things,” Sunoo started, but left it there.

“Like what?” Trying to get information out of Sunoo was more difficult than Sunghoon had thought it would be.

“Well, I thought you were dating because of how weird you both behave during each other’s cycles,” Sunoo explained, but to Sunghoon, that wasn’t enough. “Like, Heeseung-hyung was all fidgety while you were away for your heat, as if he wanted to be gone as well, like he missed you.” Sunghoon thought that had to be normal, they spent so much time together, of course they would miss each other. “And you were the same during his rut, you know? Like you couldn’t wait for him to be back.” 

“Are you saying you didn’t miss me?” Sunghoon faked feeling hurt.

“Hyung, you were gone for four days,” Sunoo said sounding borderline sarcastic. 

“Maybe we just miss people more,” Sunghoon tried to justify their behaviour. He was not about to admit they were just too used to having sex every other day. Had Sunghoon not have felt as observed, they would have probably fucked during the day as well.

“But that’s the thing, you are not like that with any of us, it’s just Heeseung-hyung, and it’s the same for him.” Sunoo accused him.

“I- that’s just how we are…” a weak excuse, but he couldn’t come up with anything else. “Wouldn’t we be together during our cycles if we were dating, though?”

“I don’t judge how you manage your relationship, every couple has its own pace,” Sunoo shrugged. 

“Either way, we are not dating.” Sunghoon made sure his tone really showed he was being final about it.

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to date him,” Sunoo insisted. At least, Sunghoon thought with relief, Sunoo didn’t seem to know anything about their arrangement and what they did.

“Okay, but I also don’t want to date him.” Sunghoon mocked Sunoo’s tone. 

“You totally do,” Sunoo laughed incredulously as he spoke. It irritated Sunghoon.

“What, do you know more about what I want than I do?” Sunghoon moved closer to Sunoo. “Do you know more about what I feel than I do?”

“Feels like it, at least.” Sunoo’s words fuelled Sunghoon’s annoyance and exasperation. “Besides, I can hear you coming in and out of the room late at night, I just thought-”

“You are wrong, I don’t know what you think you know, but it’s not like that.” Sunghoon tried to walk past Sunoo, but he stopped him.

“It’s not wrong to have feelings, hyung,” Sunoo commented. “And I’ve seen the way you look at him, how you treat him, how you act around him. It’s okay if you like him.”

No, Sunghoon thought, it wasn’t okay. “I know, but I don’t like him,” he lied, though now he wasn’t sure which part was the lie. Sunoo let him go and Sunghoon started walking out of the room.

“Are you going to Heeseung-hyung’s room?” Sunoo asked, tone teasing, like he didn’t believe Sunghoon at all.

“Shut it, I’m not.” This time, it wasn’t a lie.

He hadn’t planned on going anywhere in particular, but he needed to get away from Sunoo and his questions. They were making him think things he had banned himself from thinking about, things he didn’t want to consider. Because he didn’t like Heeseung, he couldn’t. That was the point of their arrangement, that was why Heeseung couldn’t be with him during his heat, so he wouldn’t develop feelings. So, they wouldn’t get attached to each other. 

And if he had feelings for Heeseung, he’d have to end what they had. With how against he was to ending things, he should have realised whatever he felt was way deeper than finding Heeseung to be just a convenient dick to sit on. With how much he wanted to hang on to this arrangement of theirs, Sunghoon should have realised that maybe it wasn’t just for pleasure. He wasn’t ready to admit or even think about what it actually meant, but Sunoo had opened that door for him and he couldn’t close it no matter how much he wanted to.

Actually, it was because of Sunoo’s questions that he didn’t go to Heeseung. Sunoo had implied that Heeseung felt the same way as Sunghoon did, whatever that meant. Because Sunghoon was pretty adamant about not liking Heeseung, not as more than a friend. He had to push those thoughts far away, he couldn’t begin thinking about how Heeseung might maybe feel about him when he wasn’t sure what he felt for Heeseung. 

Maybe he’d been denying it to himself for so long he couldn’t admit to it now; or maybe he truly didn’t feel anything for Heeseung, like he so strongly believed. Now, with Sunoo’s words in his mind, he was doubting himself. He hated it so much and he had no space to think about it. He had no space to even think if he wanted to think about it. He couldn’t go back to his room because Sunoo was there, he couldn’t go to Heeseung because he was part of the confusion. 

But maybe that’s what he needed. Maybe he needed to go to Heeseung and actually pay attention to how he felt, then he could confirm he didn’t like him. Then he could go back to what it used to be, no more doubts. No more threat of breaking what they had.

He’d been pacing around, pretending to have a destination in mind or like he was looking for something. Now he actually did have a destination in mind, and he didn’t care if he had to wait for everyone else to go to sleep. He went to the living room and sat next to Riki, who was playing something on the TV. Sunghoon didn’t care, he wasn’t going to pay attention, the only thing he was doing was avoiding his thoughts until he could be alone with Heeseung.

Eventually, everyone left to sleep, leaving Sunghoon alone in the living room; he had stayed pretending to be watching a series. Honestly, he didn’t even know the name of what he was, in theory, watching. He only moved once he was sure everyone was asleep, and he had one place in mind. He entered Heeseung’s room without knocking, Heeseung was already in bed, but Sunghoon could tell he wasn’t asleep. He closed the door and walked over to Heeseung.

“Hyung…” he whispered. “Hyung, I want to ride you.” Initially, that hadn’t been his idea, but once he got closer to Heeseung he decided to take the opportunity. 

“Are you needy again already, baby?” Heeseung opened his eyes and stopped pretending to be asleep. As much as he was teasing Sunghoon, anyone would be able to tell he wanted it just as much.

“Mm, we didn’t do anything today,” it was as weak an excuse as his whole logic, but it was good enough for Sunghoon. It seemed it was also good enough for Heeseung.

“You know I can’t say no to you riding me,” Heeseung said as Sunghoon got on the bed.

It was almost a routine for them and it showed in the way they just knew what to do and when to do it. They were used to the act and to each other, knowing were to touch and how to ask for more without saying anything. This time, Sunghoon let his body run on autopilot as he tried to focus on the way he felt. He was looking for anything that would confirm to him that it was just physical pleasure. 

Admittedly, this hands-on approach he had one for wasn’t the best idea, seeing as he could hardly concentrate on anything that wasn’t Heeseung. His thoughts were a mess and trying to follow one logical line of thinking seemed almost impossible as Heeseung continued to explore his body with his hands. It didn’t matter that he already knew every last bit of it and where Sunghoon was most sensitive, Heeseung just enjoyed touching. 

The reason why he had wanted to ride Heeseung was because he had hoped that like this, he would be able to retain some rational thinking. He had been mistaken, though. Heeseung had put on a condom, which continued to bother Sunghoon, and as soon Sunghoon had started penetrating himself with Heeseung’s dick, his mind seemed to disconnect. It’d been so bad, he had closed his eyes and almost moaned loudly. Fortunately, Heeseung managed to make him choke on his moan by abruptly thrusting up.

“D-don’t move,” Sunghoon demanded. He was already struggling enough, Heeseung had to let him use his brain for once.

He wanted to believe he was just feeling a lot from Heeseung’s dick. To be fair, he was, but it wasn’t the only thing. He loved the feeling of being full, but that wasn’t all there was to it. He couldn’t figure out what it was, or he didn’t want to admit to it. Because if he did acknowledge it, it’d be just him. Up to that point, Heeseung and him had been on the same page with their arrangement; if he accepted what Sunoo had suggested, he’d be in a completely different book to Heeseung. He couldn’t have that.

He’d cling to any indication that nothing more was happening, that there wasn’t anything else for him than just the physical aspect of it. But as he looked down at Heeseung, he almost started crying. His big eyes were taking in everything that was Sunghoon, every little expression he made. He was completely focused on him. Sunghoon couldn’t stand it, so he threw his head back as he rode Heeseung the way he liked it, slow and deep. His hips stuttered as he paid attention to the way Heeseung had his hands on his thighs, soothingly rubbing at them, encouraging him. 

It didn’t make sense, but it also made absolute sense. They knew what the other liked, what would get the best reaction, what would bring the most pleasure, so why wouldn’t they do it? But this was supposed to be something fast and easy and it should have helped Sunghoon realise that Sunoo was wrong. Nothing was going according to plan and it got him mad. 

If his mind wasn’t going to cooperate with what he wanted, then he’d turn it off completely. If he couldn’t think and find what he wanted, what he needed, then he was not going to think at all. Disconnecting his mind from the situation, he focused only on getting to come. In his chase for pleasure, he forgot about Heeseung’s knot.

“Shit,” Heeseung grunted as he came into the condom inside Sunghoon. He grabbed onto Sunghoon’s hips and forced him to stay still, his knot having grown enough that it was starting to become painful for both of them.

Sunghoon came as soon as he realised what was happening. It was risky and irresponsible, but Sunghoon didn’t care as much as he should. Anyone could have heard them, anyone could have walked in at any point, and Sunghoon didn’t care. He didn’t care that it still was a possibility. It scared him of what that implied, but he had decided that Sunoo was wrong and as long as he didn’t really think it was fine.

“Tell me it’ll go down fast this time,” Sunghoon spoke after a minute or so of silence.

“You could always just sleep here,” Heeseung joked. However, Sunghoon didn’t appreciate it given his current mental state.

“No.” Sunghoon tried not to move even though he just wanted to leave. Or maybe he wanted to stay, he didn’t know. He was confused.

“Okay, let’s pretend that didn’t hurt,” Heeseung laughed it off, but Sunghoon could tell it had actually hurt him. Sunghoon didn’t like the feeling he got from that. 

“Sorry, I just… we are just not the best at waking up in the morning,” Sunghoon apologised, even though he didn’t know how sincere the apology was. 

“It’s fine, I was just joking,” Heeseung reassured him, and it made him feel worse. “You seemed a little out of it tonight, is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine,” Sunghoon was quick to lie. He hated lying to Heeseung and he’d done it twice in a row.

“If something’s bothering you, you can tell me,” Heeseung pressed on. “I promise I won’t judge,” he smiled and Sunghoon didn’t know if he wanted to kiss him or hit him.

“If I wanted to talk about anything, I would.” He tried to end the conversation there, but Heeseung wasn’t having it. He was also taking advantage of the fact that Sunghoon was stuck there with him, literally.

“But something is bothering you,” Heeseung pointed out. 

“Nothing is bothering me, cut it out.” He sounded harsher than he had intended, but he was honestly just irritated. He was frustrated and tired and he wanted people to stop asking questions.

“Okay…” Sunghoon managed to remain firm even if Heeseung’s voice had sounded so hurt. “I just wanted to help, don’t get mad at me,” Heeseung said.

“I…” Sunghoon sighed, defeated, “I’m not mad, just… tired.”

Heeseung nodded, but neither said anything else. They waited in silence for Heeseung’s knot to go down, and Sunghoon decided to rest against Heeseung, to show him he truly wasn’t mad. Heeseung held him by the waist and kissed his shoulder softly, whatever the little fight was that they had just had was easily forgotten. Sunghoon found comfort in Heeseung’s arms. It terrified him, but he wasn’t thinking about it.

Sunghoon left Heeseung’s room without saying any word. They weren’t fighting, he knew that, but it felt like there was some sudden distance between them. Something wasn’t right, and Sunghoon feared it was his fault. That it was because he couldn’t feel and be like they had been in the past. That it was so hard for him to focus just on what he had, what they had, and for that to be enough. They’d taken all the precautions so nothing would affect their relationship and Sunghoon was somehow ruining that. 

As he sneaked back into his room and looked over at Sunoo, he blamed him. He blamed Sunoo for making him think things he hadn’t considered before, things he could ignore just because he didn’t focus on them. He blamed Sunoo for making him believe Heeseung was in a similar position to him. For wanting to make him believe things that simply weren’t there. Now his head was a mess and Heeseung had noticed. He was a mess and it had strained his relationship with Heeseung when none of it should have been a problem to begin with. When none of it would have been a problem if Sunoo didn’t make him think.

Deep down, though, he knew it was unfair to blame Sunoo for his own thoughts. He knew it was unfair to blame Sunoo when he was just trying to look out for him and wanted to see him happy.

Deep down, he knew it was his own fault and that he had no way out of it. Unless he found the way to completely stop thinking and ignore his own thoughts.

Chapter Text

Exactly three days after his conversation with Sunoo, Sunghoon once again felt observed. This time, though, he knew it was Heeseung; he could always tell when it was Heeseung. However, for the first time since he met Heeseung, he was intentionally avoiding him. Heeseung’s eyes felt different than usual, and Sunghoon knew that meant he hadn’t let go of their conversation from the last time they had sex. The fact that it had taken three days for Heeseung to even attempt to bring it up told Sunghoon he probably had waited for Sunghoon to bring it up himself.

That was just not going to happen.

If it was up to Sunghoon, they would not be picking up that conversation, ever. Avoiding Heeseung, yet, was not a particularly easy task. First of all, they worked together, and even if they had individual schedules, they also lived together. There was just no way to completely escape an encounter with Heeseung, which did not mean Sunghoon wouldn’t try. He couldn’t even say he’d been able to relax since that conversation, and that was without having to think about Heeseung. Well, more than he already did. That was a different thing, though. Related, but not the same. 

Surprisingly, Sunghoon managed to avoid Heeseung for two more days, but it seemed evident to everyone by that point that something was up. Sunghoon was on edge almost at all times and extremely fidgety while Heeseung was around. Sunoo looked the most concerned about it, probably believing he was at fault. While Sunghoon did blame him partially, he mostly blamed himself for giving in to Sunoo’s nonsense. 

Seriously, Sunghoon needed to stop thinking about it. The more he thought, the less he understood and the more frustrated he became. It was bad enough that everyone was starting to notice. Hell, everyone had already noticed. But Sunghoon wasn’t willing to do anything about it, there was nothing to do. 

Honestly, he didn’t want to mention what Sunoo had told him to Heeseung. And he didn’t want to continue his conversation with Heeseung, because there was nothing other than Sunoo’s words messing with his mind to talk about. So, really, it’s something he had to deal with himself. If he could just make his brain stop reminding him of them, the whole problem would just disappear. Because the problem wasn’t anything deeper than that. Just Sunghoon’s brain misbehaving. 

Heeseung didn’t seem to think so, and he kept trying to get them to talk. Sunghoon was starting to pull out ridiculous excuses not to be alone with Heeseung. The number of times he had turned around and walked in the opposite direction just to avoid Heeseung was starting to be ridiculous. Even with all his weird and sudden attitudes, everyone seemed to understand he didn’t want to talk about it. Everyone but Heeseung. Or maybe they had put Heeseung up for the task of talking to him. 

Unfortunately for Sunghoon, he ran out of strategies to avoid Heeseung, who had literally trapped him in the hallway of their dorm late at night. Heeseung had caged him against the wall, and even though Sunghoon knew he could push him away, it’d been over a week since he last had Heeseung that close. 

“Will you tell me now what’s wrong?” Heeseung asked, keeping his voice a whisper. 

“I told you that nothing was wrong, that hasn’t changed…” Sunghoon lied, being this close to Heeseung, it was hard for him to maintain eye contact. He imagined Heeseung could tell he wasn’t being sincere.

“Please, Sunghoon, I just want to help you,” Heeseung begged. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure I can help somehow,” he insisted. “And even if I can’t, sharing your worries is supposed to be good, helps you with the burden of it.”

“Hyung, really, nothing’s going on, nothing’s bothering me,” Sunghoon kept avoiding Heeseung’s eyes. 

“But you’ve been avoiding me,” Heeseung pouted, Sunghoon could see this up close and it made him want to kiss him. “You’ve been avoiding me for over a week, and I just… does it have to do with me?” Sunghoon froze at Heeseung’s question, but tried to remain calm and not show he was starting to panic. 

“Hyung…” Sunghoon started, but he really didn’t know what to say. It had to do with Heeseung, but it wasn’t about him.

Fortunately, Heeseung kept talking. “Because if I did anything you didn’t like, or didn’t want, you can tell me, you know? You should tell me, actually,” he said, and he sounded so hurt and worried, Sunghoon almost gave in.

“I keep telling you, nothing’s wrong,” Sunghoon was undoubtedly stubborn. But so was Heeseung.

“But something is wrong!” Heeseung raised his voice for a second. “Something’s wrong,” he repeated.

“No, there’s nothing—” Heeseung interrupted Sunghoon in an unexpected way, he growled at him.

“Don’t lie to me.” Heeseung sounded angry, Sunghoon had never seen him like that. “If you don’t want to talk about it with me, if you don’t want me to know… I’ll understand, just don’t lie.” Within the anger, Sunghoon could hear sadness. He could almost smell it in Heeseung’s scent. 

“It’s not that, there really isn’t anything to talk about,” it might have still been a lie, but at least it was one Sunghoon believed himself.

“Then why haven’t you come to me?” Heeseung asked. “Why haven’t you come to my room since that time? Why have you been running away from me these past days?”

“Maybe I just wasn’t feeling like it,” again, a lie. Sunghoon wanted nothing more than to go to Heeseung, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he felt that if he did, it would prove Sunoo right. And Sunoo wasn’t right, he didn’t like Heeseung.

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Heeseung’s forehead was resting against Sunghoon’s shoulder. “If you had just talked to me, I wouldn’t have forced you, I’d never do that… But you’ve been coming so often I had started expecting you, and suddenly you weren’t there anymore. Suddenly, you were walking away…”

“If this is about sex, I just needed a break,” Sunghoon started excusing himself. Heeseung didn’t seem happy about it.

“It’s not about that!” He had to remind himself to keep quiet. “It’s not about that, I- I’ve just missed you.” 

Several things happened at once then. Sunghoon’s mind couldn’t seem to process Heeseung’s tone, something between sweet, tired and sad. His heart, on the other hand, had decided to go as fast as humanly possible at Heeseung’s confession. And lastly, his whole body had just completely stopped functioning because he could not read that much into Heeseung’s words. They did not mean what his heart seemed to think they meant. They couldn’t mean that. 

Yeah, Heeseung was probably just horny. 

“What are you saying? It hasn’t been that long, learn to control yourself a little, you horny alpha,” Sunghoon awkwardly laughed. “If you want to fuck, we can do it now,” Sunghoon offered and Heeseung almost looked offended.

“No, Sunghoon, that’s not it, I’ve missed—” Heeseung could not finish his sentence as Sunghoon gave in to the temptation and kissed him. 

Sunghoon had missed this, if he was honest. He missed Heeseung’s lips and his touch, missed his scent so close and thick. He missed his cock. But he didn’t miss Heeseung, or at least he wanted to convince himself of that. He didn’t need Heeseung, he didn’t want to be with him, he didn’t want him. It was for convenience and pleasure. Just that.

Heeseung resisted the kiss for less than a fraction of a second, and then he melted right into it. Moving his hands to hold Sunghoon’s neck and waist, licking into his mouth, sucking on his tongue. He wasn’t holding back at all, like he had longed for it. Sunghoon felt a bit overwhelmed, but he didn’t want Heeseung to stop. And even if he had been the one to initiate the kiss, it was obvious Heeseung was in control then. 

It was perfect. Sunghoon could finally shut his brain for a bit as Heeseung took care of him. The only thing he wanted was to be consumed by Heeseung, breathe him in and never forget how all of it felt. He never wanted to stop what they had; it was almost like a drug by that point. 

“Oh, so this is what was going on.” They heard a voice coming from their side and they jumped apart in an instant. Sunghoon hit the wall with his back a little too hard. “So, what was it? You two had a fight or something? Made up already?” Jungwon looked at them, unimpressed and lacking sleep.

“That is not what is going on here,” Sunghoon immediately excused them.

“Sure, let’s talk about this tomorrow, it’s too late now,” he said as he turned to go back to sleep. “I don’t want to hear you two,” he warned them and Sunghoon wanted to die. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. Now not only Sunoo had the wrong idea with no evidence, Jungwon was thinking the same and he had out of context evidence. 

After that, Sunghoon didn’t go with Heeseung to his room, instead following Jungwon back to theirs. Jungwon looked at him curiously, but Sunghoon ignored him. If they were already going to talk about it the following day, there was no reason for him to start explaining anything now. Sunoo looked over at them as they entered the room, and it seemed to be Sunghoon’s trend at the moment to ignore people. He was not going to acknowledge anyone until after waking up. 

Sunghoon got into bed, determined not to think too much about the future conversation that he would not be able to avoid. He did, as he attempted to fall asleep, start mentally preparing himself for the next day. He could already hear Jungwon’s voice asking him and Heeseung a million different questions. He could hear him doubting their answers and questioning them even more. He could hear the light judgement once he finally accepted what they were doing and the unwanted advice that would follow. 

Then he’d have to talk with Heeseung and probably call off the whole thing, maybe they could rearrange it so they could keep doing it. Sunghoon didn’t want it to end, but it would probably become awkward knowing someone knew. Since it was Jungwon, he guessed the others wouldn’t find out about it, but even one person knowing made it weird. The thrill of almost getting caught or being found out was good, but either actually happening was never part of the plan.

When he finally got to fall asleep, it felt like a blink and Jungwon was already waking him up. Groaning, he got up and ready for the day. During breakfast, he could feel how Heeseung and him were a little tense, not just with each other, but in general. He was aware of the slight glances both Jake and Jay were sending his way, so he was also aware that he was not being subtle at all.

It was after they had lunch that Jungwon took Heeseung and Sunghoon to the side to talk.

“First, I want to know how long has this been going on?” Jungwon went straight to the point.

“Uh… I don’t know, it’s been like a year?” Heeseung looked at him, clearly uncomfortable but less tense than Sunghoon.

“Definitely more than a year,” Sunghoon said. They had started a long time ago, before Heeseung had his own room which had been challenging at the time.

“O-okay,” Jungwon sounded taken aback. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? I mean, obviously it’s not our business, but we would have all been okay with it… maybe help you out? So you could go on dates without having to hide so much…” 

“Oh, well… we don’t really- we aren’t, you know?” Heeseung was not being clear, probably not knowing how to tell Jungwon they didn’t go on dates because they weren’t together.

“Jungwon,” Sunghoon sighed, he had to do it. He wanted the whole thing over with. “We are not dating.”

“What? But I saw…” Jungwon referred to the previous night. 

“We have sex, sometimes,” Sunghoon was as direct as possible. Heeseung was visibly uncomfortable.

“And that’s it?” Jungwon asked, sceptically. “There’s nothing more?”

“Nothing at all,” Sunghoon answered, maybe a little too fast.

“You’ve been having s-sex for over a year and there’s no feeling at all?” Sunghoon knew Jungwon wouldn’t believe them, he had expected this.

“None.” Sunghoon was so focused on making his point clear, he didn’t notice Heeseung hadn’t been answering.

“And you are both sure about this?” Jungwon didn’t look convinced.

“Yes.” No matter how much Sunoo’s words had made him doubt, he would not let that show. He’d keep his confusion to himself, until he could prove to himself that he didn’t feel anything for Heeseung.

“Y-yeah,” Heeseung took a second longer to answer. Somewhere in his mind, Sunghoon thought Heeseung sounded unsure or even hurt, but he was not going to fall for any delusion.

“In that case, I’ll just ask you to be careful,” Jungwon said sounding slightly disappointed. “This could end really badly.”

“We know,” Sunghoon answered for both of them. He wanted out of the conversation already.

“Yeah, we know…” Heeseung’s voice was low.

“If you are sure, it’s not my place to tell you what to do,” Jungwon said, looking at Heeseung with concern. Sunghoon didn’t get why. “If anything changes or you just want to talk about it… you can count on me, you know? In any of us,” he added.

“If necessary, I think we can solve it between us,” Sunghoon wanted to avoid any possible future talk like this.

“I know you can, I’m saying you don’t have to.” Jungwon said with a pointed look at Sunghoon. At least the conversation was over.

There was still a conversation to be had with Heeseung, about how they would continue, if they were even going to continue. Sunghoon wanted to believe that given how the everything had gone with Jungwon, they wouldn’t stop. They had no reason to, Jungwon had seemed a little upset, but nothing as grave as Sunghoon had anticipated. However, Heeseung had seemed rather quiet and tense, so maybe he would want to call it off.

“Hey, Sunghoon, could you come with me for a minute?” Heeseung asked later that day, just as Sunghoon was about to go to bed.

“Sure,” he answered, knowing what Heeseung wanted.

This conversation was a lot more nerve wrecking than the one with Jungwon. It was probably because he didn’t know what to expect, contrary to the one with Jungwon where he already had an idea. He had been able to mentally prepare himself for that one, but for this one? He was lost. He was lost and scared that they would stop. 

That was the only thing he knew for sure at the moment, that he didn’t want to stop having sex with Heeseung. Through his whole crisis, that had been the only thing that hadn’t changed.

“Listen, Sunghoon, I…” Heeseung sighed, like he didn’t know how to say what he wanted.

“Do you want to end our arrangement?” Sunghoon tried to help. He asked the only thing he could think of, because he couldn’t imagine why else Heeseung looked so nervous.

“What?” However, Sunghoon seemed to have been wrong.

“I’m asking because you looked uncomfortable when Jungwon talked to us,” he explained part of his reason. He couldn’t really tell Heeseung he had been fearing such an outcome since the night before.

“Do you want to end it?” Heeseung asked back.

“I- no, I don’t want to, but I’d understand if you wanted to.” Sunghoon was so surprised he couldn’t even lie.

“I don’t want to either,” Heeseung admitted. “I… I wanted to know if you really meant what you told Jungwon.”

“Um… what part?” Sunghoon tried to remember, find a part of the conversation that may have stood out to Heeseung, but couldn’t come up with anything.

“About there being no feelings?” Sunghoon couldn’t decipher Heeseung’s expression.

“Oh, that,” he swallowed. “Yeah, of course.” Heeseung had probably noticed his doubts recently and just wanted to confirm their arrangement was still intact. That he wasn’t breaking any of the rules.

“Okay.” For some reason, Sunghoon didn’t like the way Heeseung’s voice sounded. Something was wrong and made his heart hurt. “Would you—” 

“I’ll come back later, once everyone’s asleep,” Sunghoon interrupted Heeseung. Hopefully that’s what he had wanted to ask.

Heeseung exhaled, seemingly in a toned-down chuckle. “Okay,” he said while shaking his head. At least he sounded better. Happier. Maybe it was because Sunghoon wasn’t avoiding him any longer.

Sunghoon went back to his room and pretended to go to sleep. Well, he pretended he was going to sleep while wasting time on his phone, scrolling through different apps. He wasn’t even looking at his phone, his mind thinking of Heeseung and everything that had transpired during the day. Trying to figure out why Heeseung had sounded so dejected. Trying to figure out why it had felt so wrong to deny having feelings for Heeseung when he clearly didn’t. It wasn’t until he was sure everyone had fallen asleep that he finally stopped thinking and got up to walk towards the door. 

“Are you spending the night in Heeseung’s room?” Jungwon asked in a whisper, apparently, he had also faked being asleep.

“I’ll be back later,” Sunghoon told him. He never stayed with Heeseung, though sometimes they spent some time cuddling. 

“Just- be careful, please,” Jungwon pleaded, Sunghoon didn’t understand why he was so worried. They’d been doing it for long enough they knew how to deal with it.

“We always are,” he reassured him.

“That’s not what I mean,” Jungwon sighed, “Just go, don’t hurt him.” Sunghoon almost scoffed, he would be the one hurting afterwards. They hadn’t done anything for over a week, with Heeseung’s size, it had passed enough time that Sunghoon probably would need a lot of prep before he could comfortably take him. 

He didn’t say anything, though, just nodded and walked out of the room. 

Chapter Text

Sunghoon fell into Heeseung’s bed as easily as he always did. Heeseung wasn’t in bed yet, though, so he’d have to wait for a bit. Heeseung was playing games with Beomgyu as far as Sunghoon could tell, and he wasn’t about to interrupt that. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to wait, sometimes he just walked in at really inconvenient times. While there was no real hurry, Sunghoon was kind of impatient at the moment. With his heat and then his crisis, they hadn’t really done much in a while. A couple of weeks was a while for them, plus the times they did do anything, Sunghoon’s brain was somewhere else and he couldn’t enjoy it as much as usual.

He almost regretted avoiding Heeseung for as long as he had. 

So, yes, Sunghoon would wait for Heeseung to finish his game, but he would still make it obvious that he wanted Heeseung with him right away. He got himself comfortable on Heeseung’s bed, not getting naked yet. He did start softly touching himself, over his clothes and sliding a hand under his shirt. His touch was barely there, teasing himself; he sighed quietly as he brushed his nails over his nipples. He knew not to be too loud or Beomgyu would be able to hear him through Heeseung’s microphone. He was loud enough for Heeseung to hear, plus, he was sure Heeseung could smell him already. 

Sunghoon felt so needy, there was no way Heeseung couldn’t smell him. While he was focused on getting wet and in the mood, to the point that his thoughts wouldn’t interfere again, he was also paying attention to Heeseung’s reactions. To the way he would occasionally lick his lips after breathing in deeply; he paid attention to how his leg had started bouncing with anxiety a while ago; how he would look over at him unconsciously and how he had to force himself to focus back on the game. He could see the exact moment Heeseung broke, hurriedly ending the call with Beomgyu and turning off the computer. 

“Aren’t you a tease?” Heeseung muttered as he, finally, got on top of Sunghoon.

“Always am,” Sunghoon easily admitted. “I told you I was coming,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Heeseung’s neck.

“I know, sorry I made you wait,” Heeseung leaned down and started kissing Sunghoon. 

“Doesn’t matter, I was having fun,” he chuckled into the kiss. Heeseung bit Sunghoon’s lower lip to try and stop him from talking. 

“Hey… do you mind if we do things a little differently today?” Heeseung asked suddenly. 

“Mm, sure, do whatever you want,” Sunghoon agreed. “I’ll tell you if I don’t like it, but…” 

“But?” Heeseung prompted him.

“Uh, you can say no, but,” Sunghoon started. He wanted to ask; this was his chance to ask. “Can you… not wear a condom today?” If he really thought about it, he knew it was a bad idea. Not only for the obvious reasons, but also because he wasn’t in the right mental state to handle all of it. But if Heeseung wanted to change things a bit, this was his chance to ask. Besides, Heeseung could always say no.

“A-are you sure?” Heeseung didn’t seem against it.

“Yes,” Sunghoon answered quickly. “I’ve always wanted to try,” he confessed.

“Okay,” Heeseung said and leaned down to kiss Sunghoon again.

With the amount of pent-up need and sexual desire that had accumulated in them, the kiss escalated quickly. Lips parted and tongues sliding against each other, Sunghoon loved it. When Heeseung sucked on his tongue, Sunghoon buckled his hips up unintentionally, parting his legs to accommodate Heeseung better. The kiss continued to be messy and passionate with added grinding and touching. One of Heeseung’s hands slid under Sunghoon’s shirt and continued the work he had started earlier, his touch so gentle it did something to Sunghoon’s heart. In contrast, Sunghoon tangled his fingers on Heeseung’s hair and he was lightly pulling on it. 

They’d never kissed so much before when the objective was to fuck. Sunghoon tried to urge Heeseung to do more, to touch him more and get to it already, but Heeseung just chuckled and moved to kiss down his jaw. Unconsciously, Sunghoon bared his neck for Heeseung, who eagerly moved over to kiss all over it. Heeseung was making sure not to leave any marks, but he still nibbled on the skin to get Sunghoon to gasp in pleasure. That hadn’t been the direction Sunghoon had been expecting, he wanted more but having Heeseung nibbling at his scent gland was a lot.

“Hyung, please…” Sunghoon begged, that usually got Heeseung to do what he wanted.

This time, Heeseung kissed his way up again and planting a sweet kiss on Sunghoon’s nose he whispered; “let me take my time.”

A little disoriented, and having Heeseung’s big eyes staring straight at him, Sunghoon had no other option but to nod. He was at Heeseung’s mercy and he knew he’d regret it later; for the moment he’d enjoy it, no matter how desperate he got.

So, he enjoyed all of Heeseung’s subtle and soft touches. He let himself drown on the way Heeseung’s lips and tongue felt against his skin, over his neck and shoulders. He let Heeseung control the pace, like he usually did, but this time it was slow and it felt almost intimate. Intimate in a way it had never been before, and maybe that’s what Heeseung had wanted to try. Maybe Heeseung craved a kind of intimacy that the physical touch alone just didn’t provide. And Sunghoon let himself enjoy all of it, take it in and hold onto it for as long as he could.

It took an incredibly long amount of time for his clothes to be removed. It happened so slowly, Sunghoon almost didn’t notice the moment Heeseung got his shirt off. For Sunghoon, his mind was completely taken over by Heeseung’s careful and caring touch, to the point that everything else simply didn’t matter. 

The only reason he noticed was because Heeseung moved his kisses down to his stomach, softly kissing his way down. Heeseung’s hands felt hot against his skin, burning him almost. He hoped Heeseung felt it as much as he did. He hoped Heeseung was finding as much pleasure in what they were doing as he was. And maybe it was because he was desperate for Heeseung’s everything, but he could swear he’d never felt this much please before without having Heeseung in him. 

Maybe it was something else, maybe it was because they’d never spent this much time in foreplay before. Maybe Sunghoon’s feeling weren’t as clear as he wanted to believe. 

He inhaled sharply when Heeseung bit onto his skin, right above the waistband of his pants. It was unexpected; it went against the no marks rule even if he wasn’t sure the mark would last more than a couple of hours. Sunghoon didn’t care, he wanted Heeseung to do it again. And again, if possible, everywhere on his body. 

“How much longer do I have to wait, hyung?” Sunghoon rushed, trying to get his thoughts back under control. 

“We have nothing to do tomorrow morning,” Heeseung shrugged before pulling on Sunghoon’s pants a little. Not enough to reveal anything, but enough to be teasing. “Be patient, baby,” he said before licking a wet stripe over the newly exposed skin.

Sunghoon shuddered as Heeseung began a new game, pulling down Sunghoon’s pants slowly and biting, kissing or licking at the skin as it got bared. He moved torturously slowly. When Sunghoon’s dick finally came into view, Heeseung changed his actions. He removed Sunghoon’s pants in one go and moved down to his thighs. Sunghoon groaned in frustration, yearning for more but not willing to complain. He loved what he was getting, he just wished Heeseung would get to it faster. 

He wasn’t used to this pace. Sure, Heeseung would make him beg for it every once in a while, but this was different. Heeseung wasn’t doing it to get Sunghoon to break and plead, he wasn’t doing it with the same naughty smile and playful eyes. No, it was as if Heeseung wanted to appreciate every bit of his body and he didn’t want to move forward until he was done with that. As if Heeseung wanted Sunghoon to know just how much he liked him. How much he liked his body, not him. 

“Alpha, come on…” Sunghoon needed to stop thinking, Heeseung’s cock was good at making him stop any and every thought.

“Fine,” Heeseung huffed. Like he didn’t want to stop what he was doing, but would for Sunghoon.

Getting on his knees, Heeseung took off his own shirt; Sunghoon couldn’t help but slide down a hand over Heeseung’s chest and abdomen, he needed to feel Heeseung against him. Inside him. Heeseung went back to his previous position, down and dangerously close to Sunghoon’s dick. Sunghoon couldn’t do much while he waited for Heeseung to do something. He could feel how wet he was already, in both places, and Heeseung hadn’t done much yet. 

He was grateful that Heeseung decided to have mercy on him as he went to suck him off. Almost as if to make sure Sunghoon was getting what he wanted, Heeseung decided to start fingering him at the same time. Sunghoon knew it was coming the moment Heeseung started playing around with his fingers over his entrance. It was obvious, and yet he had a hard time holding back his moans as Heeseung’s finger entered him. 

“Ah, missed this…” Sunghoon sighed. 

Truth be told, he had gotten used to Heeseung taking care of him. He was so used to it, he hardly ever fingered himself anymore. Only when his heat was near and, obviously, during his heat. Outside of those times, Heeseung was always the one fingering him open, making sure he was stretched enough. It had only been a little over a week since they had last done anything, yet he felt like Heeseung hadn’t touched him in months. 

It took longer than usual to get Sunghoon relaxed and opened enough for Heeseung’s cock. Sunghoon suspected Heeseung had intentionally prolonged it, though, for some reason. It would make sense considering how much time Heeseung spent just kissing him. He wouldn’t complain, but Heeseung was exceptionally good at giving head and Sunghoon was close to coming. He had to put a lot of effort not to, he wanted Heeseung in him when that happened. Especially since Heeseung wasn’t going to wear a condom, he wanted to come with Heeseung’s cum in him. 

“Hoon…” Heeseung called for his attention as he was about to thrust into him. “Are you sure about this?” 

“About what?” Having Heeseung’s dick so close to where he wanted it, but being deprived from it even longer wasn’t helping his brain.

“No condom.” Sunghoon nodded, enthusiastically. “100 percent sure?”

“Hyung, we are clean, haven’t slept with anyone else since we started this and I’m on the pill,” he managed to sound certain and like his mind was thinking of more than just Heeseung’s cock. “Can I please have this?” 

“Everything you want,” Heeseung said and then moaned as he thrusted into Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon didn’t even have time to process what Heeseung had said and what it made him feel with how good it all felt. He had to hold onto Heeseung as he started moving, his hole a lot tighter than they were used to. It might have only been a week and a couple of days, but Heeseung was that big. So much so that Sunghoon could only concentrate on how different it felt after a few minutes. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or it really was that different, that much hotter. He’d taken Heeseung innumerable times, yet it felt like it was the first time he actually felt him. All of him. 

“Shit,” he cursed as he tightened his hold on Heeseung. “F-fuck, alpha,” he moaned, “you better come in me.”

Heeseung’s thrusts stuttered, “is that what you want?” His voice was rough and laboured. Sunghoon nodded, biting his lips. If he had spoken, he would have moaned loudly enough to wake everyone else in the dorm. “You want my cum to fill you up? Want it to drip out of you?”

“Y-yes, please,” Sunghoon answered unconsciously.

“Why?” Sunghoon was confused by the question, he didn’t realise Heeseung was probably teasing him. “Want to see if you get pregnant from it?” Sunghoon hadn’t even thought about that, but now it was the only thing in his mind. 

“A-alpha…” he begged. Heeseung wasn’t close to coming yet. 

“Is that it? You want me to breed you?” He did, Sunghoon wanted that and it scared him. Not enough to ask Heeseung to stop, but it was there in the back of his mind. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Intentionally, Heeseung thrusted harder and aimed at Sunghoon’s sweet spot. “You want to be full with my kids, so everyone would know,” Heeseung continued. Sunghoon was only partially listening, but Heeseung didn’t seem to mind. “It’s why you are always so loud; you want everyone to know…”

“Please, please, please, alpha ,” Sunghoon was trying to keep his voice down. If anyone was awake, they probably heard him anyway. 

“What do you want, baby?” Heeseung asked, voice breathy and jagged.

“Knot- cum- please, I want to come,” he begged. Heeseung hadn’t even intended for him to do so, but he was so frantic and desperate and thinking of having Heeseung’s children he just did.

“Okay, love, come.” Heeseung hadn’t even finished saying the word that Sunghoon was already coming, and hard. Hard enough that his moan got stuck in his throat and he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t get to calm down from his intense orgasm that he felt Heeseung’s knot getting caught inside his hole. He’d tightened down while he came and had gotten Heeseung closer to his own release. Then he felt warm inside of him as Heeseung came; he had wanted it for so long, he had a second smaller orgasm on the spot. His whole body was shaking and convulsing, no matter what he couldn’t stop it. Heeseung was trying, calmly caressing his body, but it wasn’t working. 

It got worse when his mind got to calm down, remembering everything that he felt and everything that had been said. Heeseung had just mentioned getting pregnant and his body reacted so strongly, Sunghoon couldn’t believe it. Now that he wasn’t distracted, that his mind wasn’t just focused on cock, he was terrified of his reaction. He was horrified by how much he had wanted it, to the point he had forgotten about everything else. 

To the point he had forgotten he wasn’t supposed to want Heeseung.

What’s worse, he couldn’t even run away since he was locked in place for at least a couple of minutes. Minutes his mind used to race a thousand thoughts at once that amounted to him having fucked up. He fucked up and Sunoo was right and he had no way out of it. He’d fucked up and he could not let Heeseung know at all. Not if he wanted to keep doing what they were doing. 

It was a terrible idea, he knew that, but he still didn’t want to stop. He couldn’t lose it, he couldn’t lose Heeseung’s touch. He’d learn to deal with the aftermath with time, he wouldn’t freak out every time he enjoyed it more than he should. He wouldn’t freak out every time he felt more than he was supposed to. Not like he was at the moment. 

He could see Heeseung talking to him, he could see his lips moving as he formed words, but he couldn’t hear him. All the thoughts rushing through his mind, the guilt and denial, were louder than anything around him. Definitely louder than Heeseung, whom he couldn’t even talk to in fear he would say something and he’d realise. Heeseung would pick up so fast on Sunghoon’s feelings and then he would be done for. There wouldn’t even be a point in keeping his feelings quiet. Heeseung would gently let him down and break off their arrangement and then… then they would be awkward with each other because Sunghoon couldn’t keep it together and not fall for Heeseung.

He wasn’t going to deny it any longer. He was so in love with Heeseung it was absurd. It was ridiculous. He’d tried so hard for it not to be the case, he wanted so badly to believe that wasn’t the case, but he had to give up the lie at some point. He reached his breaking point when he realised how much he had wanted to get pregnant with Heeseung’s child when that would risk everything he had worked for. 

Realistically, he knew he didn’t actually want to get pregnant right away, there was way too much he still wanted to do as an idol, so many dreams to fulfil. Plus, he was in a group, he wasn’t going to do that to the others. But the thought had still popped up in his mind and the possibility of it drove him crazy. The possibility of it happening in the future, when he was ready. The fact that he wanted it in the future when they were ready. 

He wanted it all, everything with Heeseung. He wanted his mark and he wanted everyone to know they were together and that they would be for a long time. But they weren’t and they wouldn’t be . 

With cum up his ass and on wobbly legs while limping, Sunghoon left Heeseung and his room as fast as he could. He locked himself in the bathroom to get cleaned up and cry away from Heeseung’s worried eyes. Away from any possible questions while he tried to sort himself out. He knew he was undeniably in love with Heeseung, which went against their arrangement and all the rules they had placed to avoid just that. He’d complicated things unnecessarily and he knew Heeseung would even blame him, like he should, he wouldn’t be mad either. He’d accept that it had happened and would put Sunghoon’s comfort above his own, he’d let him down and then would try and get things back to normal. 

Sunghoon wasn’t sure he could deal with the rejection and act like everything was fine.

He needed to distance himself for a while.

Chapter Text

The thing with Sunghoon was that he, sometimes, got a bit extreme with his decisions and was way too stubborn. So, when he reached the conclusion that this was the best course of action, he took it a step further and started avoiding everyone unless it was absolutely necessary for him to speak to them. This was because he was sure Heeseung would ask one of the others to talk to him, and they would try to convince him to stop ignoring Heeseung. He couldn’t have that. Even if only one person told him to do so, he would cave in. Besides, this all happened because he listened to Sunoo, he’d have stayed oblivious to his own feelings if Sunoo hadn’t made him think about it.

He wasn’t blaming Sunoo, though, he went through that already and he wasn’t going to lie to himself again. Regardless, the truth was that he had feelings for Heeseung. Deep, strong, consuming feelings for Heeseung he could no longer ignore and he had to deal with it. How he, or who got him to realise this didn’t matter. What did matter was that he had to avoid Heeseung at all costs until he could control his emotions. At the very least, until he could be close to Heeseung without feeling the need to either cry or tell him everything he was feeling.

It was a lot harder than he had imagined. Way harder, actually, and he already had an idea of how complicated it was to avoid Heeseung from the previous week.

For some reason, this time he just would constantly, unconsciously, move towards Heeseung or where he knew Heeseung was. His own body was going against him trying to find Heeseung. It wasn’t even to just have sex with him, he craved Heeseung’s presence near him. He craved Heeseung’s attention and affection, things he couldn’t allow himself to indulge in. 

Evidently, Sunghoon wasn’t the best at managing the situation, because it didn’t take long for Jungwon to try and talk to him. It was natural for Jungwon to be the first one to get involved. Partially, because he was the leader, but also because he was the only one who knew about what they had been doing. At least, as far as Sunghoon was aware, he was the only one to know. Sunghoon didn’t even let him start talking, smoothly avoiding the conversation by running away from the room. Terrible mistake on his part, it caused more confusion and curiosity in the other members. 

It seemed Jungwon was reaching his limit for dealing with Sunghoon’s bullshit, and it scared Sunghoon. He didn’t know what Jungwon’s next move would be, and he didn’t want to find out. Which meant, in the simplest of senses, that he was avoiding two people. Heeseung, who didn’t seem like he’d give up any time soon, and Jungwon, who seemed ready to murder Sunghoon. He wasn’t looking forward to talking to either of them.

Unsurprisingly, the next member to try and get Sunghoon to talk was Jay. Sunghoon suspected Jungwon had set him up for the task and Jay is unable to say no to Jungwon. More than once Sunghoon had the passing thought of if they’d ever get together. He thought they would look cute together, plus he was sure they, at the very least, liked each other a lot. If they ever got together, Sunghoon would be happy for them, they deserved that kind of happiness. He was reconsidering that thought after being chased down the company’s hallway by Jay.

If it hadn’t been obvious that he was hiding something before, Jay had made it more than clear for everyone else. Somehow, Sunghoon did not only manage to lose Jay, he also got himself lost. 

Jay was a lot more persistent that Jungwon, though. Jungwon had given up three days after Sunghoon started avoiding him as well; jay, on the other hand, spent a whole week going after Sunghoon whenever he got the chance. He was grateful Jay didn’t bother him while they were working, but it was still exhausting. He was now avoiding almost half of his group whenever they weren’t explicitly working, because he knew that if given the chance, they would absolutely question him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” The fourth member to try and get something out of him was Sunoo. 

“I’m trying to sleep?” Sunghoon answered, hoping Sunoo would leave. Maybe not leave, but hoping he wouldn’t ask anything.

Sunoo was, in comparison to the others, a lot better at catching him off guard. He should have expected something like this, but his mind hadn’t thought anyone would bother him while he tried to sleep. That’s not entirely true, but he mostly thought they’d see him sleeping or attempting to sleep and would leave him alone. Sunoo didn’t care one bit. 

“No shit, you know that’s not what I’m asking,” Sunoo sounded angry. He probably was as willing to hunt down Sunghoon as Jay and as ready to kill him as Jungwon. It was a terrible combination for Sunghoon.

“That’s literally what I’m doing, though.” Sunghoon wasn’t going to acknowledge what Sunoo wanted him to.

“I’m talking about Heeseung-hyung,” Sunoo said harshly. “Since our conversation you have been weird with him, if you are trying to prove your point—” 

“Not trying to prove anything, and this has nothing to do with that conversation,” Sunghoon lied. This had everything to do with that conversation, but he really wasn’t trying to prove anything. He had done that already and it did not end well. 

“Then what are you doing? Why are you acting so strange? Why did Jay-hyung have to literally run after you the other day?” Sunoo kept asking questions Sunghoon didn’t want to answer.

“It’s really none of your business, Sunoo.” Sunghoon made sure his tone was final. Sunoo didn’t appreciate that.

“I would say it is when you are putting the whole group in this awkward tension all the time,” Sunoo scoffed. “You won’t work alone with Heeseung-hyung, run away from Jay-hyung as soon as you see him and hide from Jungwon the second we are taking a break. You are making things hard for everyone.” Sunoo’s accusation hit Sunghoon hard.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know those things. He knew he was complicating things for the group, that working had gotten harder since all this started. Yet, he also knew how much worse it would be if he had that conversation. Maybe he was being selfish, but he wanted to protect his heart more than he wanted a comfortable working environment. With time, he would be able to get over it. For the time being, though, he would protect himself as much as he could. He didn’t want to rip away his feelings in one go, he couldn’t do it and he couldn’t take it. Instead, he was pulling away slowly and carefully, he didn’t feel any different yet, but eventually it would be worth it.

“It’s not that bad,” Sunghoon mumbled. “And I don’t want to talk about it, so let me sleep.”

“Not that bad? Are you dumb?” Sunoo said, unbelieving. “You—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Sunghoon put a lot more emphasis into his words, he wasn’t going to talk about it. “I just want to sleep.”

“Fine, but this is not over yet,” Sunoo sighed. “You are hurting yourself and all of us, we just want to help.” With that, he left the room even if he would return later to sleep in his own bed.

Sunoo didn’t bring it up again after that night, but Sunghoon could feel his eyes following him whenever he skilfully avoided any of them. Two weeks into his new routine and Sunghoon was tired. He didn’t get a moment’s rest, constantly tense and on high alert. If he were honest, he didn’t know if he could continue like that for much longer, and his feelings for Heeseung seemed to only grow with the distance he had put between them. He longed for him in every way and now that he didn’t even have him physically it hurt. 

“Hyung…” Riki had approached him during a break from practice, Sunghoon had been too tired to even attempt to hide from the members.

“Don’t even try it.” Sunghoon cut him off quickly. 

“Okay,” he gave up. “Sunoo-hyung told me to try and talk to you, but he didn’t say I had to put effort.”

“Tell him I’m working on it,” Sunghoon couldn’t even look at Riki.

“You can tell him that yourself,” Riki said before they had to get back to practice. They both knew he wouldn’t talk to Sunoo.

Things got worse after that. Sunghoon was basically avoiding his whole group unless necessary and the tension between them kept increasing. Not only that, but since Riki tried to talk to him, they all were looking at him weird, as if they felt bad for Sunghoon. It wasn’t good for him. He kept thinking that maybe Heeseung or Jungwon had told them everything, they had put two and two together and knew about Sunghoon’s feeling for Heeseung. He kept thinking they knew how hopeless he was and that they pitied him.

Sunghoon hated it, all of it. He started locking himself in the bathroom to cry without being seen. He started staying behind to practise so he would be too tired to even think once he was back home. He started looking for excuses to not be in the same room as any of the members at any given time. He would space out all the time, worrying about everything. The isolation he had inflicted on himself was starting to affect him. 

“Sunghoon, are you okay?” Wonyoung asked him as they were about to finish their work. Sunghoon almost laughed, everyone was starting to notice he wasn’t okay.

“I don’t know,” he said instead, hopefully she would understand what he meant. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked carefully.

“No.” Wonyoung dropped the subject after that, instead trying to distract him. Sunghoon appreciated the effort.

A couple of days later, he was hiding in one of the bathrooms at the company. He had become overwhelmed by everything while practising and had bolted out of the room. Not wanting to be followed, he went to a bathroom far away from their practice room. Everything had been too much, the stares, the sounds; he could almost hear them thinking. Worse of all, the scents. Heeseung’s scent, specifically. It had been strong and everywhere, Sunghoon had almost fallen to the floor when Heeseung’s scent engulfed him. He missed it so much he wanted to run to Heeseung and bury his nose in Heeseung’s neck, which is why he had to leave.

He felt ashamed of himself, of not being able to control his reactions and needs. He realised he never had to, Heeseung had always let him do whatever he wanted and now that he couldn’t, he didn’t know how to act. So, maybe, he had ended up in a random bathroom crying on the floor. He felt and probably looked pathetic. 

And that’s how TXT’s Taehyun and Beomgyu found him. Sunghoon wanted to become one with the floor. He was so worried about the potential judgement he didn’t even stop to think what Taehyun was doing in the omega’s bathroom; his mind didn’t even try and come up with a reason for Taehyun, an alpha, and Beomgyu, an omega, to have come into the omega’s bathroom together.

“What happened?” Taehyun asked, Sunghoon wasn’t sure he should be glad at least he knew them or if he should be even more mortified because of that. It didn’t seem like they were judging his choice of a crying spot, so that was good.

“Do you need anything? Tissues?” Beomgyu offered, taking a couple from his pocket. 

“Thank you,” Sunghoon mumbled. He didn’t even know how to answer the previous two questions. 

Technically, nothing and everything had happened, but he had no way of summarising everything without giving any details. And he needed Heeseung. He couldn’t have him, but he needed him.

“Can we help you?” Sunghoon shook his head, they didn’t need to get involved. He also didn’t know how they could help.

“If you want, you can tell us what happened,” Taehyun started, “but if you don’t want to talk about it, we’ll pretend we didn’t see you today.”

“A lot happened,” Sunghoon said. “And just- I know what I’m doing isn’t the best, but I don’t know how else to deal with it… without hurting myself.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling them this, but he believed it was because of how tired of everything he felt.

“Sometimes… the right thing to do hurts,” Beomgyu told him. “You don’t always have to go through that, but I don’t think you are doing much better right now,” he commented. Taehyun elbowed him softly.

“What do you think you should do?” Taehyun looked at him, calmly, patiently. 

“I have to talk to Heeseung-hyung…” he admitted easily. “But I don’t think I’m ready for… that conversation,” it was hard to speak, but he got all the words out.

“Then do it when you feel ready, but if you wait too long it may be worse for you,” Taehyun advised him. Sunghoon knew he was right.

“Now we’ll pretend this conversation didn’t happen and you’ll pretend you didn’t see us coming together to the bathroom.” Beomgyu clapped startling Sunghoon. Now his brain made the connection, and if he saw them walking into the same bathroom stall, he’d pretended he didn’t.

The small conversation with them helped him calm down, enough to be able to return to the others. He washed his face and tried to fix himself so the others wouldn’t notice how distraught he was. He had a feeling his scent would give him away, but it was worth a shot. Thankfully, either no one noticed or they were kind enough not to mention it. Sunghoon sighed and tried to focus on practice, completely ignoring everyone else. Especially ignoring Heeseung and his scent that kept calling to him. 

Back at the dorm, he was tired. He was exhausted from ignoring everyone and avoiding conversations. He was tired of having to walk out of a room because everyone was looking at him, because Heeseung was looking at him. He was tired of watching Heeseung try to approach him but being unable to because Sunghoon would run away. He was tired of shutting everyone off, of shutting himself off. He was tired of hiding through the day, going to sleep early and then sneaking around to eat something in the middle of the night. He was tired of his mind, which wouldn’t shut up and would point out how hurt Heeseung looked. How miserable he felt, he was tired of everything.

So, when Jake walked into his room, Sunghoon didn’t immediately throw him out. He looked at Jake from where he was sitting on his bed, drained and defeated. Jake walked over to him, sitting next to him and gently offered a hug. Sunghoon’s body moved on its own, wrapping his arms around Jake and hiding against his shoulder. As Jake started soothingly rubbing his back, Sunghoon closed his eyes. He wasn’t crying, and he didn’t think he would cry, but he felt so relieved that he was finally close to one of them again. 

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Jake asked after a couple of minutes of them just holding each other. 

“I just want things to go back to normal without talking about it…” Sunghoon admitted. He missed them and what he had with Heeseung, but he couldn’t get it all back without at least talking to Heeseung. But he knew talking to Heeseung would mean the definitive end of what they had.

“Oh, Hoonie… I don’t think that’s possible,” Jake said sadly. Sunghoon knew he was right, but it still sucked to hear it.

“I know,” Sunghoon sighed. “I know, but talking about… it won’t get things back to normal,” he couldn’t tell Jake what he would be losing, he couldn’t admit to it out loud yet.

“You can still try, right?” Jake was, perhaps, blindly optimistic.

“I wish I could…” Sunghoon couldn’t shake off the sadness and wistfulness from his voice.

Jake took a moment before he spoke again, “we are your friends, you know? Whatever it is, we’ll understand, we’ll try to help you.” Sunghoon wished it was that simple. “Even if you think there’s no chance of this turning out how you want, you’ll always have us, we’ll always be there for you, no matter how hard you try to push us away.”

“Jakey,” Sunghoon felt sorry. They just wanted to help him and he was here making everyone suffer because he was selfish.

“No, listen,” Jake stopped him. “It’s okay, we are your friends and we can see that you are hurting, so we want to help,” he started. “But you don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to, you are allowed to have your own secrets, just don’t let them consume you.” Now Sunghoon really felt like crying.

“I- I can’t tell you what’s wrong,” it was a step forward, he was at least admitting to something not being okay. 

“That’s okay,” Jake said softly. “Can we help you?” Sunghoon shook his head.

“Not really,” Jake’s scent was helping him relax a bit, but it also made him realise how much he truly missed Heeseung’s scent. He had gotten used to having Heeseung’s scent around him at almost all times, and now it had completely worn off. “I thought I needed some distance, but it’s not really helping.”

“Then stop,” Jake told him. “Stop distancing yourself, figure out what to do later, but don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

“I have to talk about it,” Sunghoon said. 

“Eventually, but don’t force yourself, I’ll tell the others to stop trying to get you to talk, okay?” Jake squeezed his back gently to reassure him. Sunghoon hugged him tightly just for that. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, “I’ll try to make things better, I promise.”

“Do it for yourself, Sunghoon, you don’t deserve this much pain.” Maybe, Sunghoon cried a little.

Sunghoon refused to let Jake go after that; he’d been starved of any sort of affection for over two weeks, so Jake would have to cuddle with him to sleep. Jake wasn’t really complaining, he liked cuddling in general. Besides, he could tell Sunghoon needed someone there with him, for him, and he was glad his friend trusted him enough to be that person. As they fell asleep, Sunghoon made up his mind. Although he dreaded the idea of telling Heeseung everything, he knew there was no other way around it. He’d have to talk to Heeseung.

Chapter Text

Thinking about talking to Heeseung and actually doing it were two very different things, Sunghoon concluded. Frustrated with himself, he attempted to gather the strength and courage he needed to go talk to Heeseung. He wanted to solve things, he wanted them to be okay even if they never had sex again or if Heeseung never reciprocated his feelings. He was ready for rejection, but he wasn’t mentally prepared to confess. When he had decided he would finally do it, he hadn’t expected it to be this hard.

The worst part was that he couldn’t talk to anyone to get some much-needed support. He just had to do it.

Stopping his brain from coming out with the worst possible scenarios, he pushed Heeseung’s door open and walked into his room. Heeseung’s surprise was evident all over his body, not just his face. It was obvious he hadn’t expected Sunghoon to come into his room, but it was also clear he welcomed him there. It was apparent that he was happy Sunghoon had finally come back to him, even if just to talk about what had happened.

For a moment, Sunghoon stood awkwardly at the door. All the confidence he had gathered left his body as soon as he stepped into the room, and now he couldn’t get closer to Heeseung. The alpha had to surely resent him a little, even if they weren’t anything, Sunghoon knew the way he acted looked bad. He had ignored the alpha for a week, gone back for sex and ghosted him again for even longer. Heeseung had to, up to some extent, feel used. Sunghoon didn’t have much hope of their arrangement to be continued, but the more he thought about it, the less likely it sounded. He was sure Heeseung would kick him out if he tried to get closer.

To his surprise, Heeseung gestured for him to get on the bed. Sunghoon had never been so uncomfortable in Heeseung’s bed before, and it was all his fault. He sat anxiously as far away from Heeseung as he could, playing with his fingers and looking at his lap. While he had been the one to come into the room, he didn’t know how to tell Heeseung everything he had to. Everything he wanted to say, all the words, had left him.

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon’s head shot up to look at Heeseung, as if he couldn’t believe he had spoken first. As if he couldn’t believe Heeseung had just apologised.

“What?” Sunghoon was not having his brightest day, unfortunately.

“I made you uncomfortable and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Heeseung explained, but Sunghoon was still just as lost.

“No, hyung, it’s okay—”

“It’s not, I could tell I made you uncomfortable and that’s something I never wanted to do,” Heeseung interrupted him. “I took it too far with the whole… breeding thing, I was too into it because we weren’t using a condom, but that’s no excuse.”

“D-don’t worry, I wasn’t- it wasn’t that bad…” Sunghoon didn’t know how to tell Heeseung he freaked out because he liked it too much, not because he had been uncomfortable.

“Still, I didn’t talk about it with you beforehand and it obviously affected you,” Heeseung continued. “I should have noticed sooner and stopped.” 

“Heeseung-hyung, I- It’s okay,” Sunghoon settled for calming Heeseung down first, he had to reassure him that he wasn’t the problem. “I wasn’t that bothered, mostly… surprised,” he explained, he’d been surprised by his own reaction. Surprised by his own feelings and the realisation he should have had way earlier. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was,” Heeseung insisted. Sunghoon wanted to scream. “If it wasn’t my fault, you wouldn’t have run away right after, you wouldn’t have avoided me for two weeks, you wouldn’t have—”

“Hyung, I promise, it wasn’t your fault,” Sunghoon stopped him before Heeseung could say any more. “I was a bit overwhelmed, that’s it, I needed some time to process,” he partially lied. 

“I still overwhelmed you…” Heeseung pouted and that wasn’t good for Sunghoon’s heart, which wasn’t yet used to liking Heeseung. Well, which wasn’t used to acknowledging he liked Heeseung.

“Stop blaming yourself, hyung, I wouldn’t be here if you had done anything wrong,” Sunghoon tried to sound as if he was joking. Heeseung didn’t get it, still sulking. “Would you believe me if I got closer?” Sunghoon surprised himself, he had not expected he’d offer that so openly. 

He wasn’t ready to be that close to Heeseung, not with how his heart was beating and how good Heeseung smelled. But, as soon as Heeseung nodded, Sunghoon was crawling over the bed to get as close to him as possible. He got so close he was practically on top of Heeseung’s lap. Once Heeseung sat more comfortably against the bedframe, Sunghoon ended fully on his lap. Every nerve in his body was telling him to run away, that he was taking advantage of Heeseung, but he shut that down and enjoyed the closeness to the alpha.

“I missed you, Hoon,” Heeseung whispered as he wrapped his arms around Sunghoon. 

Compared to how Jake had hugged him, this wasn’t that different, except because Sunghoon was on top of Heeseung. However, Sunghoon felt different from Heeseung’s touch. Plus, Sunghoon couldn’t help but notice Heeseung had said he missed him . Heeseung had missed him and not what they did. It was not a good idea for him to think too much about it, he’d start hoping for more and he couldn’t afford that. He had already back down on actually telling Heeseung what had happened, he was not going to go there now.

If he didn’t say anything, maybe they could return to what they had been doing. Maybe, he could get Heeseung physically back.

“I missed being like this,” Sunghoon admitted, because that was as much as he would allow himself to say.

Heeseung’s response to that was to hug him tighter. He brought Sunghoon closer to his chest and planted a small, hopeful, kiss on his cheek. Sunghoon swallowed, he couldn’t let his emotions get to him, he couldn’t let Heeseung know yet. All those little signs of affection, he had to ignore them for the sake of his heart and his mental state. He’d end up running away again if Heeseung kept being so sweet and caring. 

It sounded ridiculous, even to himself, but he knew himself too well to not know how he’d act. In an attempt to stop this, Sunghoon turned his head to the side enough to capture Heeseung’s lips with his. Heeseung didn’t resist at all, eagerly responding to the kiss, sitting Sunghoon more comfortably on his lap. Sunghoon welcomed the distraction, he got two things out of the kiss. The closeness he had been missing to Heeseung and it took his mind off of his feelings.

In no time, Sunghoon was straddling Heeseung while they made out. He was sure this was not what they were supposed to be doing right after making up, but neither wanted to stop. The kiss was intense, it had Sunghoon drooling and he could feel himself starting to get wet as well. It was evident that the distance he had put between them made them more desperate, just like the previous time. It was as if they couldn’t stay away from each other. 

Sunghoon loved every bit of it. He loved how Heeseung’s hands slowly got under his shirt and slid up his back, caressing his sides and went on to fondle his chest; fingers playing lightly with his nipples the way he liked the most. He loved the soft feeling of Heeseung’s hair between his fingers as he messed with Heeseung’s hair. He loved the way Heeseung’s tongue got into his mouth, the way he would lick his lips and bite them after. He melted hearing Heeseung sigh and moan lowly into the kiss from the way Sunghoon was grinding down on him. 

At the same time, everything that made him feel ecstatic and almost delirious with pleasure, burnt him. It felt wrong to have Heeseung like this, have Heeseung pleasuring him so much while neglecting a whole part of why he wanted Heeseung there. While ignoring part of why he enjoyed it as much as he did. He didn’t want to stop, but he couldn’t indulge in it, his mind kept reminding him it wasn’t right. Because if there was something he didn’t want to do, was to trick Heeseung. 

Even though Heeseung had agreed to, and seemed pretty eager to have sex with him, Sunghoon felt like he was deceiving him. Sunghoon was breaking their rules. He was breaking the rules and it was wrong. 

Sunghoon was holding it in pretty well, ignoring whatever feeling inside of him that made him want to pull away and focusing solely on the ones that made him press closer to Heeseung. It was hard, but he wanted this, he needed it. But then, Heeseung started kissing down his jaw, licking up his neck and nibbling at the skin. Sunghoon felt the tears starting to form, yet refused to let them fall. He loved this and wasn’t going to give it up. 

“I want to mark you up so bad, baby,” Heeseung mumbled against Sunghoon’s neck, placing an open mouth kiss right next to Sunghoon’s scent gland.

It was too much. Sunghoon swallowed, throwing his head back so Heeseung wouldn’t see him crying. He bit his lip to stop his sobs, but let it all loose when Heeseung swiftly and smoothly pressed a finger against his wet whole. Sunghoon had to stop.

“S-stop, stop!” Heeseung froze instantly, pulling his hand away. “I can’t-” a cry interrupted his sentence. “I w-want to, but I- Hyung… I can’t,” he blubbered. Sunghoon hated how conflicted he felt, wanting something so much but feeling so wrong about it.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” Heeseung tried to console him. He was shushing him and softly rubbing his back. “We don’t have to do anything,” Heeseung reassured him. But Heeseung simply didn’t understand what Sunghoon meant, and he wouldn’t for as long as Sunghoon kept his feeling to himself.

“I don’t- I…” Sunghoon tried to speak, but he kept crying. “I want- but we can’t,” Sunghoon said. Heeseung hugged him close, inadvertently making Sunghoon’s conflict worse. 

“We can talk later, yeah? Calm down first, baby,” Heeseung’s voice was calm and soft, caring in a way that sounded almost loving to Sunghoon. He just cried harder. 

He stopped resisting Heeseung’s hug, though, pressing against him instead. As Sunghoon cried on Heeseung’s shoulder, Heeseung moved them down on his bed, so they were comfortably laying on it. Heeseung hugged Sunghoon closely and tightly, unconsciously releasing pheromones to help him calm down. Unfortunately for Sunghoon, that made calming down harder. It wasn’t fair that Heeseung cared so much about him, that he showed it in every way possible. It wasn’t fair that he could have Heeseung, but also not. 

It wasn’t fair that he had been the one to fall in love, that he had fallen so hard and so deep there was no escape from his feelings anymore. 

It wasn’t fair that his body automatically relaxed against Heeseung’s, while his mind wouldn’t shut up. With Heeseung’s fingers carding through his hair tenderly, Sunghoon was reduced to hiccups and stray tears. He hadn’t completely stopped crying, but he was getting there. What he wasn’t sure about was if he could stay calm while talking to Heeseung. Because he knew, with how things were, he had to either tell Heeseung about his feelings and have him break off their arrangement, or break off their arrangement himself. 

It wasn’t what he wanted, but it had to be done. Heeseung would never agree to have sex with him if he knew about his feelings, he was too kind and nice for that. He’d think of it as taking advantage of Sunghoon and that simply wasn’t like Heeseung. Sunghoon loved and hated that about him. 

He couldn’t even have one last night with Heeseung while being aware of his feelings. He couldn’t enjoy one last time being held by Heeseung and pretending it was more than what it was. There was nothing he could do, and he didn’t want to do what he had to.

“Can we talk about it tomorrow?” Sunghoon asked, hopeful. He needed more time if he wanted to remain calm while breaking things off.

“Of course,” Heeseung agreed instantly. “We can just sleep now,” Heeseung added, his voice barely above a whisper, his hand never stopped combing his hair. 

“I… I should go to my room…” Sunghoon didn’t want to leave, but that was the problem to begin with. 

“Why- why don’t you just… stay here tonight?” Heeseung didn’t seem to want to let him go either, his hold on Sunghoon getting tighter. 

“I shouldn’t.” Sunghoon didn’t attempt to pull away.

“Just for tonight, it would be best if you didn’t sleep alone,” Heeseung weakly offered as a reason. Then it was like something clicked in his mind, “if- if you are uncomfortable… with me, because of earlier…” Sunghoon understood immediately.

“No!” he stopped him a little too fast, “no, that’s… it’s not that…” he moved closer to Heeseung, inhaling his scent. “I just never stayed here,” Sunghoon explained, “I don’t think this is included in our deal.”

“Well… it’s not,” Heeseung conceded. “But it’s included in our friendship,” he added. And it shouldn’t have hurt Sunghoon, but it did.

“Okay…” Sunghoon relaxed further in Heeseung’s arms. He felt exhausted, emotionally and physically. Hopefully, that would be enough to get him to sleep fast. He could deal with the consequences of sleeping cuddling with Heeseung once he woke up, together with the termination of their arrangement.

He fell asleep breathing in Heeseung’s scent and with his warmth all over, feeling safe and cared for. In his half unconscious state, he could almost swear he felt Heeseung kissing the top of his head and murmuring; “It’ll be okay, love,” but that just couldn’t be real. For a moment, nothing mattered, and that was enough to let him fall asleep. In his dream, he was happy. He couldn’t really remember what it was about, but he could still feel his heart being content as he woke up. He didn’t open his eyes as soon as he woke up, instead indulging in Heeseung’s closeness and scent. 

They weren’t in the exact same position as they were when they went to sleep, but Heeseung’s arms were still secured around him. Sunghoon analysed his position without opening his eyes, he could tell he was still on top of Heeseung, but it seemed like he had slipped down a little; his feat reached the bottom of the bed and his head rested low on Heeseung’s chest. And he had Heeseung’s boner pressed against his stomach. Even with that, he found himself feeling extremely comfortable and not wanting to get up or move at all. 

Maybe he didn’t want to move because he knew, the moment he would be fully awake, he’d have to talk to Heeseung about what had happened the previous night. Maybe it was because he knew it all would be over once he woke up. The little fantasy he could believe while he continued to pretend to sleep would disappear in an instant. Heeseung usually took a long time to wake up, and Sunghoon wasn’t even sure of what time it was, so he could keep pretending for longer. He’d pretend for as long as Heeseung stayed asleep.

He nuzzled against Heeseung’s chest as a reflex when he felt Heeseung squeezing him tightly. Sunghoon wasn’t sure if that meant Heeseung was waking up or if he was simply dreaming of something. He hoped for the later, but he wasn’t that lucky. Heeseung lifted one arm from where it was resting against Sunghoon’s back and used his hand to move Sunghoon’s hair out of his face. It was sweet and Sunghoon did his best not to start crying right away, instead, he slowly opened his eyes.

“Good morning, baby, how are you feeling?” Heeseung’s voice was rough from just waking up, and Sunghoon could not handle that plus his words.

He pressed his lips together and instead of answering just shook his head and covered himself with the blankets. It was hard, given his position, but he succeeded, somehow.

“Come on, I know you don’t want to talk about it but we have to,” Heeseung softly talked to him, trying to coerce him out from under the blankets. “If it was something I did or said, you can tell me, you know?”

“It’s not that,” Sunghoon mumbled, his voice muffled by the blanket and Heeseung’s chest.

It took a moment, but then Heeseung gave up on trying to guess what Sunghoon had said. “What?”

“It’s not that,” Sunghoon repeated, louder and popping his head from under the blanket. 

“Are you sure? Because it seemed like—” Sunghoon sat up, interrupting Heeseung unintentionally as he was now sitting on top of his hard dick.

“Sorry, I…” He moved backwards before deciding to get completely off of Heeseung. 

“It’s okay, nothing new there,” Heeseung tried to joke. “Just… let’s talk about last night, please?” 

Sunghoon sighed, “I think… we should stop.”

“Stop?” Heeseung questioned. Without looking at him, Sunghoon nodded.

“What we are doing… I think we shouldn’t do it anymore,” he clarified just in case.

“Was… was it something I did?” Heeseung asked, clearly conflicted.

“No,” Sunghoon reassured him quickly. “I mean, kind of? It’s… we had rules, hyung, and at some point, or another we broke most of them,” he explained. “At some point, the only one that remained unbroken was the heat slash rut one, and that’s… can we really keep the arrangement when neither is respecting what we agreed on?” Sunghoon hoped Heeseung would not catch that he hadn’t excluded the rule about their feelings. Or maybe he hoped he would notice and say something about it.

“I- well, I guess you are right…” Heeseung sounded and smelled dejected. “I just thought- I don’t know, if we were okay with it, did it really matter? If we didn’t follow all the rules… but you are right.” Heeseung wasn’t looking at him, “you are right and I- I can’t- I’ll miss it. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss it, too, but I think this is for the better,” Sunghoon tried not to sound sad. He tried not to sound disappointed. He tried not to show how badly it was affecting him. “Maybe… we can talk about this again, some other time, but it just… it got to be too much and… I had to stop it.”

“Okay,” Heeseung said, voice so small Sunghoon could barely hear him. “Yeah, I… I understand…” his tone was distant, like he was thinking about something else. “I don’t know if that’ll work, once some… things are involved, it’s hard to get rid of them.” Sunghoon thought Heeseung had definitely caught on to the no-feelings rule being broken.

Maybe it was for the best.

Chapter Text

Sunghoon had held some sort of hope that things would swiftly settle by themselves; that somehow, Heeseung and him would be just fine after breaking things off. That hope was rapidly crushed. Instead of becoming close again, they were more distant than ever before. It wasn’t as drastic as when Sunghoon was avoiding Heeseung, but they could barely look each other in the eye. They’d exchange awkward greetings in the morning and then not speak to each other again until the following day. If they had to, they would nod at each other or vaguely gesticulate instead of talking. 

The others let them be, not wanting a repeat of what happened with Sunghoon. Their scents were as dulled as their presence and mood. Sunghoon couldn’t stop blaming himself, it was evident to him that his feelings were a burden for Heeseung and he was just trying to be polite and let him move on at his own pace. His feelings were straining the group, and he hated it.

It came to the point, after a couple of days and as he was lying in bed, that he made the impromptu decision of speaking his thoughts out loud. Sunoo was the only one in the room with him, and he thought, maybe unconsciously, that Sunoo may listen to him without judging. That Sunoo may listen without putting any pressure on him, maybe give some advice. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust or want to talk to the others, but Sunoo felt like the best person for this particular topic.

“Would it be easier if everyone knew what happened?” Sunghoon spoke into the silence of the room, not necessarily directed at Sunoo, but very obviously expecting an answer.

Sunoo remained quiet for a moment, so Sunghoon thought he wouldn’t answer him. “I don’t think anything could make it easy,” Sunoo said honestly. 

“Then what can I do?” Sunghoon’s voice was low in volume, but desperate. “What would make things better? I- I don’t know what to do, and the times I tried to do something I fucked up.” Sunghoon was close to crying, but he had done too much of that already. “Can’t things go back to how they were? Is that even possible?”

He heard Sunoo get up and approach his bed, silently, he moved to give the other space. Slowly, Sunoo got in the bed and stirred around until they were both comfortably lying on the bed. Sunghoon could feel Sunoo’s hesitation as much as Sunoo could feel Sunghoon’s sadness. 

“I don’t know.” Sunghoon feared those words, it almost sounded like there was no way to fix what he had broken. “I don’t know, but there has to be a way to make things better,” Sunoo added before Sunghoon could really break down.

“But… I can’t figure out how,” Sunghoon admitted. “And I- I can’t stand whatever is going on right now, I’m tired.”

Sunoo cuddled closer to Sunghoon, “we all are, but I can’t imagine how much it’s affecting you.” Sunoo kept his voice soft and his scent calm, anything to help Sunghoon even a little bit. “And while I don’t think… us knowing will make things in general easier, it may make it easier for you.”

Sunghoon wasn’t sure that would be the case, yet he didn’t want to keep everything to himself any longer. If it brought the possibilities of his pain being lessened even if just by a tiny bit, Sunghoon would take it. So, he told Sunoo everything. From how they had started, how he hadn’t realised his own feelings, how he had let everything get to him and how he had fucked up. He told Sunoo how he had helped, unintentionally, become conscious of the love he felt. He told him how Jungwon had found out about their arrangement and how everything started crumbling down. He recounted what had made him finally break and call off their arrangement.

And if he was crying while retelling everything, Sunoo didn’t comment on it and just let him get everything out. To some extent, Sunoo felt like it was his fault, even if Sunghoon was making everything to not let it sound like it had been. Sunghoon had come to accept that, as much as he wanted to blame someone else for everything that had happened, the one who had developed feelings and had been dumb enough not to notice was him. He was the only one to blame for what happened. 

“Now I don’t even know if that was the right decision,” Sunghoon finished talking and didn’t feel any different from before. At least he had someone he could talk to about it all, since the only other person who knew was Heeseung.

“It was hurting you, hyung,” Sunoo comforted him, “it would have been worse if you hadn’t stopped.”

“But it’s still hurting me… at least before—” Sunoo stopped Sunghoon right away.

“Don’t.” Sunoo couldn’t let Sunghoon say what he was thinking. “I know what you are thinking, and that’s not good for you,” he said. “That would have made things worse, way worse,” Sunoo made sure Sunghoon understood that. “But I also think… you still have some things to tell Heeseung-hyung.”

“I don’t have to tell him anything else,” Sunghoon said, confused.

“You do, you haven’t told him how you feel,” Sunoo clarified. 

“I don’t need to tell him that,” Sunghoon chuckled wetly, “he knows.”

“You don’t know that,” Sunoo insisted, firmly but remained comforting. He made sure to be hugging Sunghoon tightly. “You’ll only know if you tell him directly.”

“He knows…” Sunghoon repeated. “I can’t make things worse.”

“That won’t happen,” Sunoo reassured him. “You know hyung… he wouldn’t let it affect things more than it already is.” 

“But what if I do? What if I let it affect us more? What if I fuck up even more?” Sunghoon asks, “we shouldn’t have gotten into any of this to begin with…”

“Do you really regret it?” Sunoo surprised him with his question. “Because I don’t think you do, and I think you should tell him how you feel, make everything clear,” Sunoo insisted. “Just think about it.”

“I’ll… try,” Sunghoon conceded. “Thank you, Sunoo.”

Sunghoon was being honest, he would try. Whether it was a good idea or not, Sunghoon wasn’t sure, but Sunoo had been right. He couldn’t be sure if Heeseung actually knew how he felt if he didn’t tell him directly. He also knew Heeseung would never make things even more awkward and strained just because he knew about his feelings. Knowing all that, however, did not mean Sunghoon was willing to put himself through the stress of telling Heeseung. 

At the same time, Sunghoon wasn’t sure how much longer he could take the situation as it was. Nothing would make them go back to being friends with benefits, that was certain. If Sunghoon was honest, he didn’t want to go back to that either. Sure, he missed Heeseung’s touch, but their last experience together told him he wasn’t made for that while being aware of his feelings. As much as he craved the intimacy, he wouldn’t accept it if it was only physical. 

He wasn’t optimistic enough to believe Heeseung would return his feelings, but he was optimistic enough to believe Heeseung would think about it. In his mind, he didn’t believe it would actually work out, but maybe that’s what he needed. Maybe he just needed Heeseung himself telling him they wouldn’t happen, not romantically at least, and then he could move on. They could then return to before all this mess happened and be friends like they used to. They used to spend time together outside of work and only half of the times ended up with them having sex. Well, maybe more like two thirds of the time, but still. 

Oddly enough, he did feel a little better after talking to Sunoo about it. Nothing had gotten solved and things weren’t easier just because Sunoo knew, but he felt less pressured and less stressed. The following day, he still felt like shit, but it was bearable. He did remain mostly close to Sunoo and Heeseung was still not talking to him, yet not having to pretend at every given second that he was okay helped. 

Sunghoon caught Jungwon and Jay looking over at him a couple of times, worry written all over their faces, but whenever he saw them, he just shook his head. He’d tell them, eventually, he just wasn’t ready for two consecutive days of revealing everything that had transpired between him and Heeseung. Besides, Heeseung seemed to be doing okay, outside of his interactions with Sunghoon which were kept to a minimum and as short as possible. As long as they could still work together, things weren’t too bad.

Two days after his conversation with Sunoo, they were told they’d be preparing for a comeback soon. Internally, Sunghoon panicked. They had been able to work together just fine until then, but that was because no one was pointing out the very evident tension between them. There was absolutely no way the fans, and others, wouldn’t mention it as soon as they saw them together. 

That night, Sunghoon made two decisions. First, he needed to tell Jungwon about everything that had happened, explain to him why they were so uncomfortable with each other all of a sudden. He already knew part of it, and as the leader and their friend, Sunghoon thought maybe he’d be able to help them get past this. The second decision was to actually talk with Heeseung, even if he didn’t want to be rejected, it felt like he had already been, so it couldn’t be much worse. 

“Jungwon, can I…” he started saying as he entered the kitchen where he thought Jungwon was. And Jungwon was there, he just wasn’t alone. Sunghoon stared for a whole ten seconds without blinking at the scene before him. Jungwon was sitting on the counter with Jay between his legs, both their hairs were a mess and their lips were slightly swollen. Their faces were flushed as they attempted to cover up what they had been doing, like Sunghoon wouldn’t be able to tell if they fixed their clothes a little. 

Jay, finally, gave up, “can you at least stop staring like that? You are creeping me out.”

“I was pretty sure fucking on the kitchen counters wasn’t allowed,” he commented while holding back his laughter. He had always known there was something going on with them, he just wasn’t sure to what extent. 

Jungwon glared at him, and Sunghoon knew he walked himself into that one. “We are not going to pretend you and Heeseung-hyung haven’t fucked on the kitchen counter at least once,” he accused him. Sunghoon couldn’t even deny it.

“No comments,” he said instead.

“Wait, so that’s what’s happening between you and Heeseung-hyung? Did you fight or something?” Jay asked, still unaware of most of the story.

“Well, not really, but we stopped fucking,” Sunghoon tried to sound calm and nonchalant, he probably failed but neither said anything about it. 

“Because of a fight?” Jay was trying to get all the pieces to understand what was going on.

“No, I… I am in love with him, so we had to stop.” Saying it out loud for a second time, actually admitting it in front of people, felt nerve-wracking and liberating at the same time. 

“That,” Jay started, “makes absolutely no sense.”

“They weren’t together, Jay,” Jungwon said, still sitting on the counter. 

“Oh… Oh! I forget people do that,” he admitted. Sunghoon wasn’t surprised, but that also confirmed that him and Jungwon were dating.

“So, what happened is that you told hyung about your feelings and you two are now weird with each other?” Jungwon tried to guess.

“Well… sort of? I broke off our arrangement and implied it was because of that, I think Heeseung-hyung understood,” Sunghoon explained. “But I talked with Sunoo, and he thinks I should actually tell him—”

“You should definitely tell him,” Jungwon interrupted him.

“Hyung definitely did not understand,” Jay added to Jungwon’s point. 

Sunghoon was taken aback by how certain they sounded, “okay, yeah,” he agreed. “That was the idea, anyway,” he shrugged.

“Good,” Jungwon nodded. “Please, do it before things get too hectic.”

“Yeah… which is why I came here in the first place, could you… help me?” Sunghoon looked pleadingly at Jungwon. “He’s not really talking to me,” Sunghoon further explained why he needed Jungwon to do something.

“He’s in my room right now,” Jay commented. “Jake’s there, too, but I’m sure you can corner him in there if you wanted, Jake will help you out.” Sunghoon nodded, Jake would definitely help him.

“I’ll let you keep doing your thing, just remember to clean after,” he said and ran out of the kitchen.

As Sunghoon approached Jay and Jake’s room, he started getting nervous. He wasn’t going to back down, though. He’d made his decision and he was going to stick with it; besides, it was as much for himself as it was for the group. It wasn’t something he could postpone doing. He needed to be brave, and the faster he got all of it over with, the faster he could move on and Heeseung and him could go back to normal.

But then, he got close to the door and he could hear Heeseung speaking. He was telling Jake about their situation, which he couldn’t really be mad about because he had told Sunoo, Jungwon and Jay. What irked him was that Heeseung was making it sound like he was the one suffering the most from the end of their arrangement. Sunghoon was starting to believe Jay was right, Heeseung had definitely not understood why he had called it off. That had to be the case, otherwise Heeseung would be complaining because he couldn’t have convenient sex whenever he wanted and believing that was worse than having your heart broken. 

Sunghoon didn’t want to believe Heeseung would be like that, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

“Just… did he really have to call it off because of feelings? I was doing just fine, so he could have ignored it, right?” Sunghoon heard through the door and gave no time for Jake to answer, roughly pushed the door open.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sunghoon shouted, startling Heeseung and Jake, who were sitting on Jake’s bed. “ You were doing fine? I could have ignored it?” Sunghoon was angry, this sounded nothing like Heeseung, he couldn’t believe he had actually said those things.

“Wait, Sunghoon—” Jake tried to calm him down.

“Out, get out.” He pointed at the door, he was going to solve this with Heeseung, even if he was fuming at the moment.

“But—” This time, the one who interrupted Jake was Heeseung.

“It’s okay,” he told him and pushed him lightly so he would leave. He looked at Sunghoon once Jake had closed the door, “listen Sunghoon—”

“No.” Heeseung flinched at Sunghoon’s tone. The room reeked of anger and distress. “No, you will listen, because I refuse to believe you really meant that.” Like Sunghoon had told him, Heeseung remind quiet. “Because you would never make me go through that, you are not an asshole,” Sunghoon’s voice lowered, but he was still mad. “And you know what? Jay thought you hadn’t understood what I meant, but evidently you did and now you think I should have just ignored it?”

“Would it have been hard? We were doing fine—” Sunghoon wouldn’t let Heeseung finish that thought.

“We weren’t. We were not doing fine, Heeseung, far from it,” he said. “It was eating me from the inside and then… then that night I just couldn’t, okay? It was too much and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it any longer.”

“I’m sorry…” Heeseung whispered. 

“I know you just want to keep at it, but I really can’t,” Sunghoon told him, most of his anger gone. “I’m sorry it turned out like this, I’m sorry this is all my fault, but we can’t keep going like this,” Sunghoon managed to be calm enough to remember why he had come to Heeseung.

“I- yeah, you are right,” Heeseung agreed with him. “I haven’t been really fair to you, I just… I needed some space to stop- stop wanting you, and I didn’t realise how much harm I was causing.” Heeseung apologised. “But don’t say it’s your fault, I think I’m more to blame than you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you did, well, a lot of things wrong, but it wasn’t your fault that I had to break it off. That we had to stop.” Sunghoon resisted the urge to get closer to Heeseung, he wanted to be back in his arms so badly. “If I hadn’t fallen for you, things wouldn’t be so complicated, so it’s definitely my fault.”

Heeseung’s head shoot up and he stared widely at Sunghoon. It took half a second for Sunghoon to understand that Heeseung hadn’t known, Heeseung had really been clueless about his feeling for him. He didn’t know what Heeseung had meant by his words earlier, but that didn’t really matter to him at the moment. Sunghoon took the other half of the second to turn around and ran for the door. He could think about it all later, once he was away from Heeseung and his persistent eyes.

However, Heeseung had other plans, and he had quickly reacted to Sunghoon’s movements. As fast as he could, he got up from the bed and didn’t even think when he trapped Sunghoon between him and the door. That way, Sunghoon couldn’t open it, Heeseung had both his arms at either side of Sunghoon against the door and the rest of his body was almost pressed against Sunghoon’s. 

Sunghoon’s heart was beating loudly, both from the rapid movements and from Heeseung’s closeness. It took him a moment to compose himself with Heeseung’s scent surrounding him. He was fucked.

Chapter Text

Everything felt extremely tense. Neither Sunghoon nor Heeseung were saying anything, but their breathing was loud. Having Heeseung so close to him, his lips just a couple centimetres away from his, Sunghoon’s mind could not focus. It was taking everything in him not to just give in and kiss Heeseung how he longed for. He had to keep repeating to himself that it wouldn’t be right, and he had to keep shutting up the voice that told him Heeseung would not mind.

Heeseung may have still wanted the physical stuff, but that wasn’t enough for Sunghoon anymore. 

“Hyung, just…” Sunghoon placed his hand on Heeseung’s chest to try and push him away. He needed space before he did something he’d regret. “Please, don’t do this… I don’t know why you think I can ignore it or- I don’t know if I can’t, but I don’t want to, so give me space.”

“I didn’t know you liked me,” Heeseung breathed out, ignoring everything Sunghoon had said, they could get to that later. “Why- why didn’t you tell me? Since when?”

“I- I don’t know, hyung, for a while, does it matter?” Sunghoon sighed, he didn’t take his hands off of Heeseung.

“When… Jungwon asked if there wasn’t anything more and you denied it, did you like me then?” Sunghoon didn’t get why Heeseung was so hung up on it.

“Maybe, probably,” Sunghoon admitted. “I don’t know, I was confused and pushed through and lied to myself because I couldn’t like you- can’t like you,” he said, there was no reason for him to hide anything anymore. “But I do, so why does it matter when I started liking you? You seemed pretty okay with continuing in spite of my feelings—”

“In spite of my feelings,” Heeseung corrected him. 

“What? No, I heard you…” Sunghoon looked into Heeseung’s eyes. Heeseung always looked at him like he was everything.

“I love you, Sunghoon.” Heeseung’s words were so simple, so concise, yet they caused a huge impact in Sunghoon’s heart and mind. 

“You… don’t…” Sunghoon was having a hard time accepting Heeseung’s words, even if they were just what he wanted to hear.

“I do, I love you so much… for a long time, too.” Heeseung chuckled, “I thought you broke things off because you figured that out.” Heeseung let his arms slide off the door, he was no longer trapping Sunghoon there, but neither attempted to leave. “You… always let me do so many things to you, I became greedy and took advantage of it,” he explained. “I thought you noticed, the biting and scenting, god when I talked about breeding you, Sunghoon, I thought I had seriously fucked up.”

“Heeseung-hyung…” Sunghoon decided not to think for a second and just do as he wanted. He reached out and held Heeseung’s hands.

“I thought I scared you with how intense I had become, I kept pushing the line and- I thought you figured it out and wanted out.” Heeseung wasn’t looking at Sunghoon as he spoke, focused on Sunghoon’s hands.

“I did get scared,” Sunghoon told him. “But because I was liking it too much… I- I really don’t know when I fell for you, but by the time I noticed I was in too deep.” Sunghoon searched for Heeseung’s eyes, “when I realised, I panicked. And you weren’t helping, making me feel things I shouldn’t,” he complained. “And then I couldn’t take it, because I had you but you weren’t mine. I want you as my alpha so much, but I can’t have you…” 

“You can, you definitely can have me,” Heeseung was quick to say. 

“But I didn’t know that,” Sunghoon told him. “I didn’t know and I couldn’t take it when every touch reminded me of what I couldn’t have,” he continued. “So I pulled away.”

Heeseung looked down back at their hands, softly caressing Sunghoon’s. He looked up at Sunghoon’s eyes again before speaking; “So what do we do now?” 

“I… I don’t want to pull away,” Sunghoon started. “I want to be with you, I want to be your omega and for you to be my alpha,” he continued. “I want to spend our cycles together and to leave marks on each other, I want the others to know that you are mine and I’m yours.” He paused, “I want everything.”

“Okay,” Heeseung agreed. “I want everything, too, we can start over.” Sunghoon stopped him right there.

“No, listen, we are still going to have sex like we used to,” Sunghoon said, seriously. “But we are doing the romantic part as well.”

“Anything you want,” Heeseung said and leaned over to place a kiss on Sunghoon’s nose. 

“I’m spending your next rut with you,” Sunghoon declared. “And you are spending my heat with me.”

“Okay.” He placed a kiss on Sunghoon’s cheek.

“We are going on a date after our comeback,” he demanded, Heeseung just smiled at him.

“Of course,” he kissed Sunghoon chastely on the lips. 

“Kiss me how you used to,” Sunghoon pouted. Heeseung gave in immediately.

Sunghoon closed his eyes as soon as Heeseung’s lips were on his, resting more of his weight against the door. He had missed Heeseung so much, especially the way he made him feel. Now he realised that Heeseung really put his whole heart into his kisses. Now he could tell that the reason he felt so much from his kisses was because Heeseung truly loved him, and he told him so through his touches. He licked into Heeseung’s mouth, tasting him again after so long and freely enjoying everything. 

A knock on the door startled both of them, sending them away from it, Sunghoon pressed against Heeseung as he got his arms around Sunghoon.

“You two better not be fucking in there, it’s neither of your rooms.” Jay’s voice came from the other side. Sunghoon glared at him even if he couldn’t see him. 

“And how do you know we haven’t fucked on your bed already?” Sunghoon said just to annoy him. Heeseung looked at him confused; they had never done it in any of the other members’ beds. Sunghoon just smiled and put his finger against his lips to keep Heeseung quiet.

“What the fuck, Sunghoon?” Jay opened the door angrily and slightly disgusted. “You haven’t.”

“Well, not yet,” Sunghoon shrugged.

“Not ever. Hyung has a beautiful, spacious, room just for himself, don’t have sex here,” Jay warned them.

“Fine, but we are having sex in the living room.” Sunghoon could tell Heeseung was lost in the conversation.

“Okay, I’m willing to bet you’ve done that already,” Jay grunted. “Glad you got your shit together, now out of my room.”

“It’s better if we finish this conversation in Heeseung-hyung’s room, anyway,” Sunghoon smirked as he said that just to spite Jay. 

Before Jay could say anything else, Sunghoon pulled Heeseung out of the room. On their way to Heeseung’s room, Sunoo almost bumped into them. It took him one look at Sunghoon’s face to deduce most of what had happened and he seemed happy they had solved their issue. They still had a lot to talk about. Sunghoon wanted to make everything clear between them, because nothing would have happened if Sunghoon had been honest from the beginning. He may be dumb, but he was not making the same mistake twice.

So maybe they spent the night cuddling like Sunghoon had wanted to multiple times, but they also spent a lot of time talking about everything they had kept to themselves. Their feelings, their desires, their wants. Everything was left out in the open for the other, Sunghoon was happy. He was happy and free, but he still had to say one more thing.

“During my last heat…” he started, voice barely a whisper. “I took one of your hoodies…” he confessed.

“Uh… you… didn’t,” Heeseung bit his lip. “Maybe… I… put it in your bag,” Heeseung admitted.

“What?”

“I wasn’t trying to invade your space or anything, it’s just… I couldn’t control myself? I really wanted to go with you, but that was a big no, so I… put a stand-in…” Heeseung tried to explain his reasoning at the time, which seemed to have been mostly instinctual. 

“Well… I definitely wanted you there with me, even if I denied it, so thank you.” Sunghoon smiled, kissing Heeseung softly.

That night, Sunghoon slept better than he had in over a month, which was great because they had a lot to do for their comeback and he would need all the energy. In relation to their comeback, they might have solved their problems, but that just brought a whole new kind of suffering for them. And a whole new kind of suffering for their group. 

For them, it was practising restraint. Not only had they been apart for way longer than they were used to, they now could do it unashamedly. They didn’t mean just sexual, of course, now they could do all the other things they had been holding back on just because they weren’t together before. Like they now walked around holding hands. They’d scent each other whenever they felt like it, because it didn’t matter if the others found out. They’d randomly kiss when they had the time, and they had to be stopped a couple of times before things could escalate. If they couldn’t be seen together before, now they couldn’t be seen apart for longer than necessary.

It was to be expected that this new development would bring the group exasperation. Some things were cute, but neither Sunghoon nor Heeseung were too good at keeping their hands to themselves. Nor their tongues, for that matter; Jay was ready to cut their tongues off if they didn’t need it to sing. All of them had stopped Heeseung and Sunghoon from being indecent in public at least a handful of times each, it was getting ridiculous. Jungwon had started worrying about their comeback for other reasons than them fighting, and he was honestly starting to wonder if them getting together was for the best. He was happy for them, but he was seriously considering murder.

Their comeback was a success, Heeseung and Sunghoon managed to behave during their showcase, and things were looking great. Yet, things didn’t last, they realised this when Sunoo caught them trying to fuck in a bathroom stall at their first music show presentation.

“Heeseung-hyung, Sunghoon-hyung, I’m honestly happy for you,” Riki had been the one to call them out on their way back from the music show. “But please tone it down a bit, at least until we are done with promotions.”

“We’ll try…” Sunghoon murmured, nuzzling against Heeseung’s shoulder. It gave absolutely no reassurance to any of them.

“No,” Sunoo looked at him seriously. “No, you will not, and I repeat, not fuck at any music show or any other public space for the duration of our promotions.”

“But—” Sunghoon attempted to reason, even if there was no good argument he could think of to defend himself.

“No making out either,” Jay added. “We are all cool with you two, but I doubt you want to announce this to the public by someone from the media publishing an article about it,” Jay backed up his point.

“You are not wrong, but…” Heeseung, reluctantly, conceded.

“You cannot tell me you’d rather have your relationship exposed than holding back for a couple of hours,” Jake said, turning on his seat to look at them. “It can’t be that hard,” Jake could easily tell he was wrong just by the way Heeseung was avoiding his eyes and Sunghoon was glaring at him.

“Don’t give us that, it’s just for a couple of weeks and you can still do whatever at the dorms,” Riki pointed out.

“Without us hearing,” Sunoo added quickly. He was not going through that again.

“Or seeing,” just in case, Jay further clarified. 

“Can we go back to before they knew?” Sunghoon complained.

“Wouldn’t that just be the same?” Heeseung asked, earning a small push from Sunghoon. 

They continued to lightly banter on their way back. At every turn the car took, Sunghoon got a little bit more on top of Heeseung, as much as the seatbelt allowed him to. Maybe, once back at the dorms, they were too tired to do anything, but the rest didn’t need to know that. Maybe, Sunghoon did his best to make them believe they would be doing stuff, when the only thing they got to do was kiss a little and cuddle to sleep. Sunghoon had essentially moved into Heeseung’s room, but he still pretended that wasn’t the case.

The entire period of promotions was exhausting and fulfilling. Sunghoon loved it as much as he wanted to rest. As much as he had complained and argued, with everything they had to do, Heeseung and him had little energy left to do anything at any point. Sure, they still kissed, a lot, and scented as much as possible, but anything else required way too much effort for them to even try. Which meant, by the end of it, that they were both extremely pent up. 

Safe to say no one bothered them once they got a couple of days off. 

Now, while Heeseung’s rut happened once a year, Sunghoon’s heat did not. Which meant he was glad they were done promoting because he did not like taking suppressants. However, there was also something else in his mind. He’d basically demanded Heeseung to spend his heat with him, yet he was starting to become unsure. He loved the idea of Heeseung there with him, but maybe it was too soon for them, maybe Heeseung would think it was too soon. From their previous experience, Sunghoon had learnt not to keep things to himself.

“Are you going to spend my heat with me?” Sunghoon should have checked if Heeseung was alone in his room before asking, but he didn’t care that much. Heeseung seemed as unfazed about the question as Sunghoon, meanwhile Jake had flinched hard enough to fall off the chair where he was sitting. 

“Well, that was unexpected,” Beomgyu’s voice came out of Heeseung’s phone. “Is this what you had to talk about with Heeseung?” Sunghoon was surprised he even remembered.

“Yes and no,” Sunghoon answered. Heeseung looked confused as to how Beomgyu knew anything, but didn’t question it.

“Things turned out okay, I see,” Beomgyu commented.

“Yeah, better than I expected,” Sunghoon affirmed with a smile.

“I feel like I missed something,” Heeseung said, way too confused not to say something about it.

“I feel like I shouldn’t be in this conversation,” Jake was still on the floor. “If you are talking about this, I’m leaving.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like you won’t know what he answers,” Sunghoon points out. After all, if Heeseung agreed, he would be leaving with Sunghoon for his heat; if he didn’t agree, he’d be staying at the dorm.

“We agreed that I would,” Heeseung answered simply.

“I know, but do you… do you actually want to? You don’t think it’s too soon?” Sunghoon voiced his fears.

“Do you?” Heeseung countered.

“I don’t care,” he admitted. Jake didn’t know whether to get up or stay on the floor until the conversation was over.

“Then I’ll spend it with you,” Heeseung said. Beomgyu sighed from the other side.

“I see now the problem,” he huffed. “Heeseung, you have to tell him you want this, too.”

“Oh,” he turned completely towards Sunghoon, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto his lap. “I thought it was obvious.”

“Nothing is obvious, hyung, not when it comes to this,” Sunghoon pouted. Jake was now completely laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. 

“I want nothing more than to spend your heat together,” Heeseung stated with confidence and sincerity. “I’ve been wanting to for a while.”

“Okay, then please take care of me through it,” Sunghoon’s voice was a little airy with excitement.

“I want to disappear,” Jake mumbled, but neither Heeseung nor Sunghoon heard him, too lost in each other. 

Chapter Text

It was the following Tuesday night when they both left to spend Sunghoon’s heat together, far away from the dorm where they wouldn’t disturb the rest and they wouldn’t be bothered. Sunghoon would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous. Not only was this the first time he’d be spending his heat with an alpha, it was the first time he’d be spending it with Heeseung. While he trusted Heeseung with his life, he didn’t trust himself, especially not during his heat.

Just remembering how he had acted when he only had Heeseung’s hoodie made him cringe inside. He just knew he’d be annoying and clingy the whole time. Worse than that, he knew he’d become super demanding, more than just sexually. Their relationship had developed nicely and they were pretty mushy with each other, but neither was all that open in that regard. Sunghoon feared it would be too much for Heeseung, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it if Heeseung walked out on him during his heat.

He did his best to ignore the fear and worry, but decided that, before they got there, he had to talk with Heeseung about it. He was still working on remembering to communicate his feelings openly. 

He breathed in deeply and loudly, catching Heeseung’s attention. “Will you be okay?” 

“What do you mean?” Heeseung asked, confused and surprised.

“I mean, you’ve never been with an omega in heat before,” he started, rubbing his hands against his pants and not looking at Heeseung. “And I…” he paused to swallow, “I’m scared… that you’ll think it’s too much…” he admitted. “Because it’s- it’s more than just sex, I’ll need so much more and—”

Heeseung interrupted him, accidentally, by pulling him towards himself and into a hug. For a moment, Heeseung didn’t say anything and focused on calming down Sunghoon. The poor guy driving them could both hear them and smell them; the mix of Sunghoon’s scent reeking of anxiety and Heeseung's overpowering calming scent could not have been an easy scent to smell. Plus, their conversation had to make anyone uncomfortable.

“Listen, I really don’t know much of what I’m getting myself into,” Heeseung spoke with honesty. “But I want to do this with you, I want to be there for you, give you anything and everything you need,” he said. “And I may make mistakes, but I won’t leave you alone; I don’t want you to deal with this alone when I can help.”

“But what if you can’t handle me?” Sunghoon asked, uneasy.

“I’ll find a way,” Heeseung stated, full of conviction. “I’ll always find a way for you.” 

Maybe, Sunghoon melted a little. He allowed himself to believe and relax. He allowed himself to trust Heeseung’s words in spite of his worries.

When they reached the place they’d be staying at, Sunghoon built a nest big enough for both of them. It consisted of their clothes combined, and this time, he did it without any guilt. Heeseung looked at him as he focused on building the nest, staring fondly at him. Sunghoon was slightly self-conscious about Heeseung watching him, he had the unbearable need to impress Heeseung with his nest. Deep down, he knew Heeseung would love whatever nest he built. 

To be honest, they didn’t even wait for Sunghoon’s heat to start before they were already having sex. They were horny enough on the regular, with Sunghoon in pre-heat, they couldn’t resist. They also didn’t try too hard to hold back themselves. 

Sunghoon was so consumed by his desire for Heeseung, he didn’t even realise his heat had started. Once it had started, though, Sunghoon got completely lost in it. Heeseung had him pressed against his nest and was already fucking him as deep as he could when his heat hit. He started whinnying more and his slick kept flowing out of him and Heeseung thrusted into him. It sounded filthy, but Sunghoon just didn’t care. He needed Heeseung to do more, so he pressed up with his ass to incite Heeseung to go faster and harder. 

The message was understood by Heeseung in a second. He probably could tell Sunghoon had started his heat even before that simply by Sunghoon’s scent. Heeseung’s thrusts made Sunghoon lose his mind even more, after only a couple of seconds, he could no longer think at all.  

Heeseung also took care of him in as well as Sunghoon had expected him to, at least in the sexual sense. He made him scream and moan until his voice wouldn’t come out anymore. Heeseung just couldn’t resist making Sunghoon’s skin all over. For the moment, he had access just to his shoulders and back, but that wouldn’t stop Heeseung.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long…” Heeseung groaned as he bit down onto Sunghoon’s shoulder. 

In his state, Sunghoon couldn’t tell him how much he had wanted it as well, but Heeseung probably understood by the volume of his moans. Sunghoon loved it. Now, once they were back, everyone would be able to tell who his alpha was. The people who would see already knew, but that wasn’t what was important. For every time Heeseung had wanted to mark Sunghoon’s skin and hadn’t been allowed, he left a hickey. 

Later on, when they changed positions, Sunghoon would do the same. Soon, they were both covered in bite marks, hickeys and scratches. 

“My beautiful omega,” Heeseung mumbled as he left a hickey particularly close to Sunghoon’s scent gland. They wouldn’t be mating anytime soon, but they would both be lying if they said they hadn’t thought about it. Sunghoon was a little too gone to think about the consequences; thankfully, Heeseung was still conscious enough.

That did not mean, though, that he wasn’t tempted. He caught himself more than once kissing over Sunghoon’s scent gland or dangerously nibbling over it. Fortunately, he could always stop himself before he did something stupid. 

“Alpha,” Sunghoon moaned against the nest, drooling over their clothes. “Need you- your knot,” he pushed harder towards Heeseung. 

“Just a little more,” he whispered, kissing behind Sunghoon’s ear. “Hold it a little longer,” he grunted.

“But I want it,” Sunghoon said with difficulty. “I want to come, want your cum…”  

“You can come,” he said, his thrusts becoming erratic.

“Want to come on your knot,” Sunghoon could barely keep his eyes open and string words together, but he was determined. During his first time with Heeseung while in heat, he wanted to come only after he had been knotted. He was sure Heeseung would make him come multiple more times later on, he wanted to have this one. 

“Okay, love,” Heeseung held Sunghoon by both his arms and started thrusting as fast and hard as he could. It didn’t take him long to start feeling his knot growing, movements becoming slower and more uneven. His knot made pulling out hard, and so he restrained himself to just pushing forward into Sunghoon. 

“Please, please, please, ” Sunghoon was almost chanting. He couldn’t hold it for much longer, no matter how strong his will was. He was still in heat after all. He came as soon as he felt Heeseung’s knot reach its limit. He was familiar enough with it that he could tell once it was done growing. That plus Heeseung had buried himself as deep into him as he could while biting down on the back of his neck, barely avoiding his scent gland. 

He felt how Heeseung cum filled his insides, it was warm and deep and it made him curl his toes and legs as much as he could. His own orgasm rippling through his body more intensely than ever before. He could feel pleasure coming from every nerve in his body, and it left him completely blind for a moment. He felt Heeseung all over him, around him and inside him. It was as if Heeseung was the only thing that existed, and Sunghoon was completely okay with it. 

After such an intense orgasm, Sunghoon passed out for long enough that Heeseung’s knot had time to go down and Heeseung managed to clean him up a little. Sunghoon was in between glad that he didn’t feel as gross as he normally would, and disappointed that he didn’t wake up with Heeseung’s dick inside of him. At least he was in Heeseung’s arms, so he didn’t complain.

“Let’s do it again,” Sunghoon said as soon as he woke up, turning around in Heeseung’s arms. Heeseung had been drifting off to sleep as well, so it took Sunghoon kissing him to wake up and understand Sunghoon’s words.

“Drink some water first, baby,” Heeseung slurred, reaching over Sunghoon to where he had prepared a small bottle of water. Sunghoon pouted but complied, if drinking water would get him sex, he would drink the whole bottle. 

Heeseung made sure to fulfil every wish Sunghoon had, while compensating for the time they hadn’t been able to do anything. He fucked him in every position he could manage to get Sunghoon in and knotted him just as many times. 

It had been a little hard for Heeseung to keep up with Sunghoon’s intense demand for sex, but he had managed, somehow. It did drain him from most of his energy, but there was more he had to do than just fuck him. 

As soon as they were done fucking, after his knot had gone down, he made sure to clean up Sunghoon and himself as best as he could. He fed Sunghoon throughout the day and gave him water after every round. At one point, he carried Sunghoon to the bathroom to give him a bath and make sure he remained relaxed and content. With how much Sunghoon had complained as he did that, Heeseung decided to continue with the wet cloth and towel after that. 

Sunghoon’s favourite parts were the brief moments of clarity he got, when he could feel Heeseung’s arms around him as they cuddled to sleep. He loved how comfortable and safe he felt. He loved how loved he felt. Heeseung made him feel so much and he wasn’t scared of it anymore.

For the rest of his heat, Heeseung made sure Sunghoon ate as much as possible, and more than just energy bars. He made sure that Sunghoon drank enough and helped him get to the bathroom so he wouldn’t piss in his nest. It might have still happened once or twice while Heeseung fucked him senseless, though. 

Once Sunghoon’s heat was over, he could confidently say that it had been the best heat he had ever experienced, even if he couldn’t walk back to the dorm on his own. Heeseung was more than happy to carry him back. Jay groaned at the state of their necks as soon as he saw them, while Jungwon shook his head knowing Sunghoon would be out from practice for at least a couple more days. 

Sunoo looked like he was proud of them, which was a little weird, but it probably had to do with him being the first to confront Sunghoon about his feelings. He had been right and he had been the reason they got to where they were, at least partially. That had to bring him some satisfaction. Jake, on the other hand, looked like he knew too much. He looked like he had seen more than he had wanted to. Sunghoon was utterly confused, because none of them had seen anything. When he asked Jake about it, he wanted to be buried alive.

“We were talking about you two and Jay is sure you’ve done it in front of us at least once,” Jake confessed. “And it made me think to that time you were sitting on his lap while hyung was playing and how weird you were,” he continued, Sunghoon did not like where this was going. “And then I remembered how you had acted when you choked on absolutely nothing and I-” he stopped, sighing and rubbing his face. “I can’t stop thinking about it and whether Heeseung-hyung was in you or not.”

“Jakey…”

“No, do not tell me, I prefer not knowing than to get it confirmed, I’m not risking it.” Jake stopped him right away. 

“Okay…” Sunghoon bit his lip and fidgeted, not knowing how to continue the conversation.

“God, I really didn’t want to know,” Jake almost teared up. Sunghoon didn’t know if he should feel mortified or relieved that Jake didn’t seem to care that much. In the end, he decided to be honest.

“I won’t lie, it’ll probably happen again,” he admitted. Jake groaned, but he obviously had been expecting that. “You’ll get used to it, probably.”

“I doubt you’ll give us another option,” he wailed, lowly. “Just don’t be too obvious, please.” Sunghoon shrugged, unable to give him the reassurance he sought.  

Even if he should, Sunghoon didn’t care, he was pleased and happy. And later that night, while Heeseung hugged him tightly to sleep, he was still feeling the same. But more than that, he felt love and loved back.