Chapter Text
‘Please, please, please stop’ the woman whimpers. ‘I’m sorry, I hate myself for it too. Please! PLEASE!’
Peter jolts awake, his heart pounding and ears buzzing. His mind replays the woman’s pleas over and over again. He can’t shake the sobs out of his head.
This nightmare isn’t the worst he’s had, but it might be in the top three. The woman’s crying still disturbs Peter every time the memory worms its way through his brain. The sounds she made when Peter hit her with the bat were heart wrenching. He sped through that interrogation not for just his own sake but so Clint would put an end to her misery.
A drug addict who crashed her car while high…killing her two-year-old daughter in the process. There were other things in the record Wanda had given him, but that is the main reason the witch brought the prisoner in. It was by chance that the woman even came across the Avenger’s radar. She had gotten mixed up in a guy Wanda was bringing in, so she took the opportunity to get two in one. The woman sat in a holding cell for almost a week before Peter was ready to take her on.
He remembers walking into the interrogation room and coming face to face with his next victim. With one look, Peter knew he was going to struggle. The woman was going through withdraw and was already in agony before he laid a hand on her. She was twitching and making sounds of misery, her body already putting her through hell. Peter almost turned around and exited the room. It took quite a bit of coaching from both Steve and Clint to continue. Tony was out of town for the day. Steve threatened to call him, which pushed Peter to move forward with the interrogation. He didn’t want Tony to be upset, afraid of the consequences.
‘They’ll kill her whether you do anything or not’ that’s what Peter kept repeating to himself. Once someone is strapped to the metal chair, there is only one way out for them.
Running to the bathroom, Peter splashes his face with cold water. Trying to freeze the heat of guilt that wants to set him aflame. He’s gotten better at pushing it down, but he still has to actively repress that emotion. It isn’t naturally going away as Tony and the Avengers would like. Whenever Peter lets his guard down, his mind rest, the shame and realization of his actions come back to haunt his thoughts and dreams.
It takes a few more splashes of water to regain control of himself. When Peter does, he turns and slumps his back against the bathroom counter to sit on the floor. He rests his head and lulls it to the side to look out the floor-to-ceiling window. The sun is just coming up, making the sky a shade of dark orange/red. A color that reminds him of someone.
Mom.
That’s what her hair looked like the last time he saw her in person, although now she looks a bit different. She and Tony were photographed together since then when they’ve gone on a couple dates. Of course, it being the only glimpses the public have gotten of Virginia Stark, the pictures went viral. A new nose and lighter hair have taken residence on him mom’s appearance.
It brings a mix of reactions out of Peter. At first, he was sad to see the face that raised him for the last ten years disappear. Not completely, Pepper is still a mother that he recognizes. Just like he has distant memories of Tony, Peter remembers Pepper Stark cuddling him close and bringing him comfort. He’s always felt safe in both Pepper and Mary’s arms. Even though they are technically the same person, they still feel different in Peter’s mind. He can’t put a finger on exactly why that is, but they do.
His mom has seemed to step into her role as Pepper Stark a lot faster and easier than Peter has into being Howie. A strange thought: going back to who he was when he was three. Although, not necessarily reverting back to a three-year-old, but rather who Howie would be at fourteen.
What would Peter be like if he grew up as Howie?
What if he never met the Parkers, or Ned, or MJ? If he never lived in Queens. If instead he grew up in luxury receiving the best of everything. If his mom never had to work. If instead of having Uncle Ben and Aunt May, Peter grew up with Uncle Rhodey, Uncle Happy and the other Avengers as family.
If Tony had raised him and instead of speeding through this hellish training, Peter could have slowly done it over time like his father intended. That would have been easier overall…right? Instead of having to completely change who he is at fourteen, Howie would have never known anything outside of Tony’s teachings. This internal war of identity and morals wouldn’t be currently tearing Peter apart inside.
Once again, Peter finds himself questioning if he really wants to change. He doesn’t…he mostly doesn’t…yeah, he does…n’t.
Outside of the interrogation training, life has been pretty good since striking the deal with Tony. Peter is still struggling to accept a lot of the Avengers, especially Rhodes and Banner who he might never be able to see the way he used to. As much as Rogers scares him and pisses him off at times, Peter has found himself appreciating the man for what he is. A hard ass, but one that is pushing Peter past what he thought were his limits and unlocking an entirely different side of himself. In Queens, Peter was never strong, agile, or competitive. Since training with Steve, Peter has found himself overcoming every physical trepidation or restriction he’s ever had. The same goes for Natasha who has skillfully incorporated Peter’s new spider abilities into combat training. Clint has been a good middle between pushing Peter and helping him cope with the change. In subtle ways, the archer has kept up helpful encouragement that has kept Peter from falling back into a black hole of remorse and sorrow. The same can be said for Strange who coincidently crosses paths with Peter at least twice a week and strikes up a conversation. Sometimes about how well he’s progressing, but most of the time it is something mundane that gives Peter a few minutes of feeling human again.
But most of all, things have been better with Tony since making the list of goals. While still tough, Tony has been a lot more pleasant to be around. Mostly because Peter isn’t actively trying to argue with his father or be constantly angry at the man. Meals together have been nice, so has shadowing Tony around SI. It’s been fascinating watching Tony work. Just like the lab, he is masterful at maintaining a well-oiled machine. His staff runs at an incredibly fast pace when Tony enters the room. Every member working as efficiently as possible to not waste their boss’s time. Unlike the relaxed atmosphere Peter saw the day Happy gave him a tour, R&D buzzes with excitement and determination to impress Tony when he enters the room. They present the genius with all their progress and let him know of any major hiccups. Just like Happy had said, Tony takes one look and can solve most problems within minutes.
Tony has also slowly started to revert back to what he was like when Peter was three. Just hints and peaks. There have been a couple times when Tony has left the tower, returning with a gift in hand for Peter. The first one was a Rolex watch that Peter was surprised by. Tony had just shrugged saying, ‘I had one at your age.’ The next was a LEGO set of the Eiffel Tower. This time Tony’s excuse was ‘It’s rare and I didn’t know when the next time I would have a chance to buy it would be.’ It was a small gesture that meant a lot for both of them. It wasn’t difficult to see the parallels of that moment to many of the past. Tony had given Howie dozens maybe hundreds of LEGO sets, that moment felt just like Peter had remembered as a toddler. If they don’t get lost in their work in the lab, it isn’t uncommon for Tony and Peter to find themselves watching movies together on the couch. Lately, Tony’s been trying to introduce Peter to some films from the 80’s. Die Hard, Breakfast Club, Top Gun. Some have been good; some Tony finds himself slightly embarrassed for recommending when they don’t hold up as well as he remembers.
Through everything, there is still the never-ending emptiness Peter feels whenever he thinks of the one person he misses most. Mom. Even in his most content moments the past few weeks, there is always that wish that she was with him enjoying it. Or at least accessible so he could tell her about it after, just like he used to after school every day.
That changes today, or at least for the next few days. Today, he, Tony and Pepper head to the Hamptons for the weekend. Peter’s prize after completing the first list. It couldn’t come soon enough. Peter has held himself together this entire time, but the second he was done with the fifth interrogation for goal five, he was ready to break. The instant he realized he was finally going to see his mom again, all Peter wanted to do was run into her arms and sob his heart out. His heart that he is morphing and transforming into something he doesn’t think is right. The only thing he wanted then and needs now is for the one person who understands both this world and the one outside SI to tell him what to do. To assure him that he’s not crazy for doing this.
“Friday?” Peter calls out. “What time are we meeting Mom today?”
“Mrs. Stark is currently in the penthouse kitchen.”
“Wha…” She’s here? “What?”
“Your mother wanted to make sure you and Sir had a nice breakfast before your car ride.”
With that knowledge, Peter leaps off the floor and bolts out of his bathroom, then bedroom, down the hall and staircase to the kitchen.
Sure enough, just as JARVIS said, his mom is at the counter mixing something in a bowl. She looks up when he freezes in the doorway. “I wanted to surprise you…”
She doesn’t finish her sentence when Peter nearly crashes into her wrapping his mom in a hug. Very quickly, he feels Pepper’s arms around him and a kiss in his hair. “I missed you baby.”
“I…” Peter nearly chokes when trying to talk.
“Shhhh” Pepper whispers, running a gentle hand up and down his back. They stay like this for a long time until Peter is ready to let go. When he does, Pepper urges him sit and asks, “Why are you up so early?”
“Nightmare” Peter explains.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Peter goes into everything that happened with the five interrogations he had to participate in. This is the first time he can actually articulate and explain everything he felt throughout the process. The guilt, the anger, the uncertainty. More than once does he find himself suffocating on words and being calmed down by his mother. He can’t imagine what his face must look like with all the tears. Probably red, puffy and covered in grime.
“The worst was the drug addict” Peter tells Pepper, his face buried in his hands. “She was already so remorseful about what happened and in so much pain from the withdrawal. It was awful. Right before Clint killed her, she kept repeating her daughter's name. Mom it…God! I…”
Once again, Pepper stops her cooking to pull Peter in for a comforting embrace. “It wasn’t your fault” she says. “She made decisions that ended that child’s life.”
“She just kept saying she was sorry…”
“She could have just been saying that, Peter. You don’t know if she was telling the truth.”
“She sounded…”
“People can be liars. Now she won’t hurt anyone ever again.”
“But…”
“It is not your responsibility” Pepper lifts Peter’s chin to look her in the eye, “to make excuses for others. You also are not the one to take the blame or guilt for their punishments. That is for your father and the Avengers to decide their fate.”
“They…”
“…are adults who have been running this country for ten years. They have much more experience than you. I know it’s difficult sweetheart, but don’t put that burden on yourself. You are training, practicing. That is it. You don’t owe the people in that chair anything.”
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but Peter tries to ingest his mother’s words. They fight against his natural ideology, but that is what he needs. He’s fighting up river and hearing anything but support would just drag him back. He takes a sip of the water Pepper had given to him. They continue to talk for another couple hours. Peter doesn’t necessarily feel better as the conversation goes on, but it does unload a heavy weight that was straining on him.
They hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Pepper quietly tells him, “Go get yourself cleaned up. I’ll see you in a bit.” She ushers Peter to the other entrance to the kitchen, rerouting him around Tony. Peter waits in the hall before he hears Tony greet Pepper in the kitchen,
“Hey” his father says cheerfully.
“Good morning” Pepper says before the sound of a shared kiss on the lips.
“I see Peter’s been up.” Shit, he must have seen the cup of water. Although…Tony doesn’t sound angry.
“He was down here for a while.”
“Is he…”
“He’s working through everything. You know this isn’t the only time the two of us will need a bit of privacy.”
“I know.”
“And you’ll…”
“Make myself busy when Pete needs some space” Tony says before a pause. “I’m glad you’re here. He really needs this weekend.”
“I thought you said…”
“He’s doing well, but still. He more than deserves some time to unwind in a way I can’t help him like you can. Anyway, did you start coffee?”
Making his way to the living room discreetly as to not be noticed eavesdropping, Peter silently goes to his room. While he changes into some loungewear and tries to clean his face of any sign of his crying, he ponders over his parents’ conversation.
Tony wasn’t upset at all knowing Peter and Pepper were talking. That alone isn’t surprising, but he clearly figured out that Peter had a breakdown. Only alone in his room is Peter allowed to do that. That’s what the rule has been. However, Tony didn’t seem to mind that he did that with Pepper in the kitchen.
When Peter reenters the kitchen, both of his parents smile to greet him.
“Want a cup” Tony asks, pointing to the coffee pot just finishing a roast.
“Yeah.”
“Pep?”
“Please.”
Peter frowns inquisitively at his mom, “I thought you drank tea.”
Pepper shrugs, “I can drink either. May and Ben preferred tea, so I just kept to that while in Queens.”
“In her early twenties, your mom was the only one keeping the local Starbucks open” Tony jokes, not acknowledging the comment about the Parkers.
Sending her husband a playful glare, “Who’s the one who got me addicted?”
“I think we all should take responsibility for…”
“You were the one constantly sending me on runs…”
The two begin almost talking over each other, yet still maintain a steam of coherent conversation.
“…our own practices. It’s funny how one credit card suddenly means…”
“…every day. It was not just giving me a credit card…”
“…that I’m solely responsible for what you drink on…”
“…I had maybe one cup for every four you drank.”
“…a daily basis.” Tony turns to face Pepper, cup of coffee in hand. “Splash of cream, no sugar.”
“Thank you” Pepper smiles, they share a small peck.
It’s fun to see them like this. After years of imagining their fights as screaming matches, Peter enjoys seeing his mother and father have light banter back and forth. It paints a completely different picture of irritation and annoyance he remembers Pepper having back in Malibu. What he looked back on as animosity now just seems to be their unique form of endearing communication.
Pepper hands out three plates of banana bread, sausage, and fruit. The three eat in a pleasant atmosphere filled with jokes and teasing. Once they are done, the three head down to the garage, ready to head to the vacation home. Just like last time, Tony lets Peter pick the car. Only this time he has to sit in the backseat so his mom can take the front passenger. He doesn’t mind, especially once they’re on the road.
Only minutes into the trip, his parents get into another humorous squabble.
“He crawled for the first time in the Hamptons” Pepper asserts. “His first steps were when…”
“It was on the beach at the vacation house.” Tony argues, “I remember because I was impressed that Howie did it in the sand. Why are you…”
“…we were on the beach at the Malibu house. So, it was in sand…”
“…denying…he hated the sand at the Malibu house. It was too course…”
“…but not the beach you’re…he did not hate the sand in Malibu…”
“Yes, he did.”
“No, he…”
“He used to cry every time I put him down…”
“…loved it. Oh my god Tony, he didn’t cry because of the sand…”
“…I’d have to hold him…”
“Yeah, because he that all he had to do was whine and you’d pick him up…”
“You make that sound like a bad thing…”
Peter doesn’t talk much during the car ride, much preferring to just listen to his parent’s dialogue. For years, his early childhood felt like a dark mystery. One he’s only gotten clues about from time to time. The pictures at the Hamptons house had seemed almost impossible to believe as authentic. Hearing Pepper and Tony confirm through their debates the validity of the long-ago memories makes them finally feel real.
Before he knows it, Peter recognizes the gate they pull up to. Excitement courses through him as they drive up to the house. Pepper was the only one to bring a suitcase which Tony carries upstairs for her. While he waits for the two to come back down, Peter grabs some juice from the fridge and heads to the back patio.
Just like the last time he visited, the ocean breeze brings a gust of soothing energy with it. Peter relaxes at the wind gliding on his skin and the salty taste to the air. He falls into a lounge chair and watches the waves of the water crash onto the beach.
“Already in vacation mode?” Tony asks, exiting the house. He takes a seat in the chair next to him.
Peter smiles, “It’s easy to do that here.”
“Good. So, anything specific you want to do today?”
“Um…honestly I haven’t really thought about it.” Peter was so focused on earning this weekend, he didn’t think about what to do once they actually got here.
“Well, how about today we just hang around the house. Then I was thinking tomorrow we could rent a yacht for the day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah” Tony shares Peter’s smile. “Nothing too big. Just something to drive us around the area. We can park it in the ocean and do some swimming and snorkeling. I’m sure your mom doesn’t want to cook all weekend. The crew on the boat can make us some lunch and dinner. Sound fun?”
Nodding, Peter asks “Can we take out the jet skis today?”
“Anything you want.”
Both make quick to change into some swimsuits. Before heading back downstairs, Peter examines the suppressor bracelet on his wrist. At the tower, he hates taking it off. While he has gotten better at taming the tingle in many situations, it doesn’t ever fully go away unless using the suppressor. But here...the Hamptons are different. The closest Peter came to fully ignoring the tingle that first month was when he and Tony were on vacation. Now with Mom here too…
Peter takes the bracelet off. He won’t need it and besides, it’ll be a lot more fun to swim and run on the beach with his powers.
Downstairs, he is met with Tony and Pepper loading some snacks into a bag to take to the beach. The crew who prepped the house must have had more of a heads up than last time. The fridge is full of cut up fruit, veggies, premade sandwiches, and salads. All they have to do is load up a basket and off they go.
They don’t return back to the house until dark, choosing to watch the sunset next to the ocean. Pepper opted not to go more than waist deep in the water, unlike Tony and Peter who spent quite a bit of the day wave crashing. When Peter goes upstairs to his room to change, he is almost grateful for the shower. Even with his enhanced stamina, he’s exhausted. Taking his time to let the warm water wash away the salt and sand, Peter relishes the weightlessness he feels.
Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine having such a fun day with both his parents. It never once seemed like a possibility while he was growing up in Queens. To spend an entire day where Tony and Pepper not only got along but were happy to be together.
After changing into some gym shorts and a t-shirt, Peter grabs a bottle of water from a mini-fridge (new addition since his last visit) and heads to his balcony. He can’t get enough of the ocean air. He downs the water, needing the hydration and listens to the waves crashing. Until his enhanced hearing picks up something else.
“I’ll get on a paddleboard or something tomorrow” Pepper says. Peaking over the railing to his balcony, Peter sees the doors to the kitchen below are still open to the outside. Allowing him access to his parent’s conversation. “I just didn’t want to get my hair wet.”
“I’m just saying, would have been nice to go farther than five feet offshore for frisbee” Tony has a tease to his voice. Softly, Peter can hear little knocks, sounding like a chopping board.
“Well, we still have two days.”
“Besides, plenty of time to toss you into the water on the yacht tomorrow.”
“Don’t you dare” Pepper laughs. “You know, if you make this vacation too perfect, the ones to follow will be disappointing.”
“You underestimate my creativity when it comes to…”
“I am not underestimating…”
“…planning bigger and better surprises…”
“…you on anything. Just keep in mind…”
“…that’ll blow the kid’s mind.”
“…he might expect too much. Like what Tony?”
“Well, I know the deal was he completes a list and gets a weekend here. But I was thinking, in a list or two, maybe try something international.”
“Such as?”
“Start off with something small, easy. Probably the Caribbean. We watched one of those pirate movies last time we were here.”
“He enjoys those…”
“Then after that, the kid hasn’t been to Europe since he was two.”
“He hasn’t…”
“South of France or maybe Greece if he wants to stick with the beaches.”
“Italy also has great beaches.”
“Pete’s going to take Italian once he’s done with Spanish. I want to take him there once he’s more fluent.”
“You’ve thought about this…”
“I was also thinking Tunisia…”
“What the hell is in Tunisia?”
“They filmed the Star Wars movies there. You don’t think Peter would enjoy seeing the building Luke Skywalker grew up.”
“He would love it. But I can’t imagine spending…”
“A day there then quinjet over to the Maldives for a week.”
“Ah…”
“I was thinking that would be a good fifteenth birthday.”
Peter can hear the smile in his mother’s voice, “I think that would be a perfect fifteenth birthday.”
For the second time today, Peter wants to cry. This time for nearly the opposite reason than the first. He doesn’t allow the tears to fall but does let the emotions run through his system. Listening to this conversation, one question sticks out in his mind.
‘Is this how life was supposed to be?’
Rhodes wasn’t kidding when he said the Hamptons was only a taste of what Tony has in store for future trips. Peter’s birthday was only a little over a month and a half ago and Tony already is planning his next one. The biggest thing they ever did to celebrate his birthday in Queens was going to the aquarium with Ned one year. What would Peter’s birthdays have been like with Tony? Surely over the top and extravagant. But also…thoughtful? Not even Peter had even thought of visiting the Star Wars set, it seemed like an impossibility.
“Didn’t they film one of the movies in the Redwoods?” Pepper asks. “You should take Peter next time you visit California.”
“Good idea” Tony agrees. “The only thing I have planned right now is just an overnight to check in on the LA branch, Pete won’t find that too exciting. Next time I have something longer though. Maybe show him around LA and San Francisco.”
Now Tony and Pepper are planning together. A bitterness irks it’s way in. For the first time in ten years, Peter wishes this had been his childhood. Only for a moment does he let that pity take over. The dream of growing up with both his parents happily together and raising him with the best vacations, houses, holidays.
Did they always talk like this? The last week in Malibu has always stuck out in Peter’s head. Him being terrified of Tony every time his father walked in the room. Tony snapping and growling at Pepper for disobeying him. Peter remembers spending his entire day either crying or trying not to shed a tear in front of Tony. The one night his parents were angrily arguing in their bedroom after Peter woke up from another nightmare sobbing and them being too preoccupied fighting to check on him.
Peter tries not to think about that. He focuses on now. This moment. Being far away from the tower, having spent the day on the beach, his parents affectionately chatting while making dinner. This is a moment better than any dream he had of a possible future. This is what he’s been working for. This could be permanent one day. This is what Peter’s doing everything for.
“You know, our anniversary is only a few weeks away” a passionate hint in Tony’s tone.
“It is. Any plans for that?”
“Well, you did say you loved our trip to Paris…”
“Which one?”
“The one that was the best.”
“Oh, well there are a few contenders. The one after our engagement of course…”
“…mmm…” Tony hums huskily, sending a sickening feeling through Peter.
“Our one-year anniversary is up there…”
“If you do the math right, I’m pretty sure that’s where Pete was conceived…”
NOPE!
Turning on his heels, Peter walks himself back into his bedroom and closes the balcony door as fast as he can. Once he gets that disgusting picture of his parents out of his head, he heads to the hall. He’s purposely noisy going down the stairs, jumping the last few to make a loud ‘thud’ at the bottom.
“Thought you fell asleep on us” Tony jokes when Peter enters the kitchen. “Was about to check to see if we had to fish you out of the shower.”
“Just wanted a minute to relax” Peter says, sitting on one of the stools at the island his mom is prepping some food at.
“We figured, here” Tony hand Peter a white slush drink in a tall glass similar to what he and Pepper are drinking. “Pina Colada. Don’t worry, I already cleared it with your mom.” Pepper sends Tony a side eye. “Okay, she’s not happy about it. But you’re fine.”
Eyeing the drink, Peter hesitates to take a sip. He doesn’t want to upset his mom but also doesn’t want to disappoint Tony.
“How about instead of pushing underage drinking” Pepper chides, “you go put these on the grill.” She pushes a plate of meat and vegetable skewers Tony’s way.
“Fine, fine” Tony grabs the plate and heads to the patio where the grill is located.
Peter is still eyeing the alcoholic drink. “Go ahead honey” Pepper says. “I don’t mind.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure” she says, tossing together some fruit in a bowl. Peter takes a sip of the drink and his eyes pop open at the delicious sweetness that hits his tongue. At the sight, his mom laughs, “So I take it you like it.” Peter nods. “Tony always had a knack for cocktails.”
Pepper continues prepping the side dishes as Peter watches. A small grin has taken residence on his mother’s face, has been since they got in the car back at the tower. He thinks back onto the pictures the internet has gotten ahold of. Tony and Pepper at a restaurant, a few from a day they went shopping around the city, even a shot of them walking around the construction site of Avenger’s compound. Being candid, most of the photos aren’t anything necessarily special, just them walking. However, there are a few of them laughing or smiling while Tony has an arm wrapped around his wife or they are holding hands. They look just like a normal couple in those. Not what Peter has been imagining the past ten years.
Something about Peter’s expression must have alerted Pepper to his internal struggle. “JARVIS” she calls out. “Close the doors.” The doors Tony had just exited from shut, leaving Peter and Pepper alone. “Sweetheart, what’s bothering you?”
At first, Peter doesn’t know how to answer. He sits and contemplates his thoughts of everything today. “Mom” he starts, “are…are you happy being back?”
Pausing her cooking, Pepper glances up at Peter with a look of confliction. “I…” she takes a heavy breath. “I miss you every day. That takes precedence above all else.”
“I miss you too but…outside of me. Are you happy being back?”
Again, Pepper hesitates to answer. “I loved our time in Queens but…there were people I missed greatly while we were away. People who I had a lot of guilt about hurting.”
“One of them being Tony?”
“One of them being Tony” Pepper confirms. Peter isn’t surprised by this. His mom confessed her continued love for Peter’s father on his birthday. At the time it was hard to accept, but now…why does now feel so different than back then? “Are you happy being back?”
Peter contemplates the question. How does he feel? At times he feels fine being at the tower and living with Tony. But those good days don’t bring him the sense of joy or peace that memories of Queens do. A normal day in Queens, while boring and slow, brings a feeling of ease compared to a day at the tower. Life was less complicated, less stressful, less…terrifying. Back then Peter lived in an ignorant bliss that has now been shattered by everything he has learned over the past couple months.
“No” Peter tells his mom. “I…I know things will eventually get better but…” What is he willing to tell Pepper that won’t have her worry. How much can Peter divulge about everything going on before its too much for her? Will it upset her to the point she yells at Tony. Those two have become a lot closer and Peter doesn’t want to ruin that. That would only make Pepper’s life at the tower harder. “I miss our old lives.”
“What about it?”
“Um…” So many things. “I really miss you…and May…and Ned and MJ. I just…there’s a lot of things I want to talk about but there’s nobody…Happy tries but…even then I have to be careful. It’s like…I spent ten years not being able to talk my life in Malibu and now I can’t talk about Queens. And when I talk about my life now… I can’t contact you. I can’t be completely honest to Tony or the Avengers. The ones that try to give advice…are either pushy like Rhodes or assholes like Rogers.”
“Sweetheart” Pepper’s eyes are full of sorrow. “I know you feel lonely right now, but I do think there are people you could reach out to.”
“Harley and Kate?” Peter asks. Not just those two, but the entire group of teens have taken up a lot of Peter’s internal contemplation recently. “I just…how am I ever supposed to trust them?”
“They’ve been trained…”
“Exactly. They’re being trained by Tony and the Avengers. Some of them since they were born.”
“So, who better to understand than them? There are a lot of things you are going through that I never experienced. As much as I wish I did, I don’t have answers to all your questions. But they might. You should give them a chance Peter. They may never be what Ned and MJ were for you, but maybe that’s a good thing. They’ll be something different. What you needed back in Queens might not be what you need now.” Pepper leans in for her last statement, “There is no benefit to you feeling lonely through this.”
Peter picks at his nail. He knows his mom is right. But how is he expected to open up to a group of kids he doesn’t know and has no clue of their intentions. From everything he’s seen, the teens do seem to want to support Peter. But what does that support entail? Is there a limit to it? What are the repercussions for Peter if there is and he hits it. What are the chances the others would turn on him to save their own necks?
Ned and MJ did. The two people he thought would be there through thick & thin ditched at the first sign of trouble.
Eventually Peter and Pepper allow JARVIS to open the door again. Shortly after, Tony walks in with the fully cooked kabobs, pretending he didn’t notice his temporary banishment. Dinner goes well, Tony and Pepper back at their lighthearted banter.
The rest of the trip goes well. Really well. The three have a wonderful time. Better than any had imagined possible. A few times Peter and Pepper stepped away for an emotional chat while Tony found something to keep himself preoccupied. But after, they would come out, ready for the next fun activity or wanting to relax. Only once did Pepper and Tony get a bit heated after Tony gave Peter his third alcoholic drink their last night. However, Pepper gave in, not wanting to end the trip on a sour note.
There was one hiccup that had put Peter on edge. It was during the yacht trip. The three had just finished eating lunch and were getting ready to jump back into the water. Peter was sitting at the back of the boat, his legs dangling in the water as he waited for his parents. That is when the tingle in his neck started to slightly flare.
Before he thinks too much of it, Peter feels a foot playfully push on his back. His hands grasp the boat’s floor with his sticky fingers, stopping him from being pushed in. Tony then sits down next to him. “Couldn’t resist.”
“Good thing I took the suppressor bracelet off.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask…”
“Tingle doesn’t really bother me here.”
Right as he says that his neck flares again. What the hell? It’s been fine up until this point. What’s so different in this moment? Maybe it’s Tony wrapping an arm around Peter, but he’s done that multiple times on this trip.
“So, what are you thinking, snorkeling? Paddleboards? Or do you just want to relax a bit, let the food settle. The crew has some inflatables we could float on.”
“Um…yeah that sounds good” Peter gives him a smile, even though his neck is slightly intensifying.
“What are the chances you think we could get Pepper to jump off the upper deck?”
That makes Peter laugh. Earlier his mom didn’t have the best reaction to Peter and Tony jumping into the water from the top of the yacht. “Not likely.”
“I think with the two of us working together, we could convince her.”
“Not a chance.”
“Well definitely not with that attitude.”
Another flare causes Peter’s hand to cup his neck. Immediately, Tony grows concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t…” this time the tingle directs his attention off to a boat a short distance away.
Tony follows his gaze, spotting the vessel. He quickly gets up and grabs his phone from one of the seating areas. “Vison” he says into it. Go check out that white dingy getting closer to us. The one without a flag.”
Peter has no clue where the android was hiding, but he suddenly appears flying towards the boat. A hand ushers Peter to stand. His father directs him inside. Pepper was on her way to join them but stops when she sees the worry in their expressions.
“What’s going on?”
“Suspicious boat” Tony explains. “You and Pete stay in here for a bit. I’ll be right back.” Digging through his bag, tony pulls out some repulsers that he equips to his hands and feet. He heads to the deck and flies off after Vision.
From a window, Peter watches his father land on the other boat. He joins in an argument Vision is already having with the occupants of said vessel. Tony grabs something out of one of the men’s hands. Not long after, he returns. Vision is directing the boat away from the yacht.
“Fucking paparazzi” Tony growls as he enters. “You two can go back out. I’m going to have a word with the captain to figure out what crewmember is about to lose their job.” He storms to the upper floors.
“C’mon honey” Pepper tries to distract Peter. “Let’s go.”
She guides Peter back to the deck, but his attention is still on Tony. With his enhanced hearing, Peter listens to Tony start questioning the captain, wanting answers for the leak of their whereabouts.
“This is completely unacceptable. I made this reservation yesterday, nobody outside of your company and my team knew we would be here. I even booked it under a different name so only a few people at your office know. I want everyone’s phones checked. I swear to God, if one of them made money on this…”
“Peter” Pepper tries to grab his attention. “Let it go. How about we grab one of the rafts and go float?”
Only half paying attention, his ears still listening to Tony’s argument, Peter joins his mother on a larger inflatable that they can sit next to each other on. Even with his mom trying to start up a conversation, Peter can’t get his mind off the photographer.
Him and Tony laughing and joking around with his father’s arm wrapped around him on an expensive yacht in the middle of paradise. That is the picture that would have been sold to the press. A happy father and son enjoying each other’s company on vacation. While not untrue, there are so many layers to their situation that the public would have no idea about from that image. They would have no idea everything Peter’s gone through in order to earn that minute of joy.
He thinks over all the pictures he’s seen in the press. Him and Tony shopping with bags from expensive stores. Same goes for Tony and Pepper. Both shopping and going out to eat at nice restaurants. While social media thought Peter’s reactions to being on the big screen at the Yankees game humorous, there were also a lot of pictures circulating of him and Tony jollily chatting in their seats. Not to mention the one Tony posted of them on the field.
Spoiling. Indulging. Pampering. All words that would describe what the public sees Tony doing. Showering his wife and son with luxury while Peter and Pepper happily accept. No hint at the horrors and harm Tony has inflicted on them. The outside world has no clue about the truth of anything.
What must people think of them? Everyone Peter and Pepper knew back in Queens…what are they thinking? Sure, many acquaintances such as Peter’s old schoolmates and Pepper’s former coworkers are probably glad to see them ‘doing well.’ But what about the others? The ones that know the truth. Ned, MJ, their families. What are they thinking when they see those pictures? Confusion? MJ already called Peter a liar, does she see those pictures as proving her right? That Peter had lied to her and Ned about Tony’s abuse. Ned must be confused. He believed Peter when they talked on the phone. Maybe he's relieved to see Peter at least seeming to be happy. At least that’s what Peter hopes. But after Clint and Natasha threatened their families, Peter can’t help but think they probably feel resentment.
God…what does May Parker think?
The woman whose life is ruined because of Peter and Pepper. Who is on the run to save her skin while the two people who put her in that situation are floating on this raft while being catered on. Who probably doesn’t feel safe to sleep at night while Peter and Pepper are walking around in designer clothes. Who is watching from afar as they laugh and embrace the man putting May through hell.
“Do you think May hates us?” Peter asks his mother softly.
Pepper’s head whips around, “What?”
“I would. She’ll never have a life again, meanwhile we’re…”
“Don’t think that way.”
“But it’s true” Peter can feel his eyes well up. “She’s lost everything and here we are acting as a happy family with the Tony who…Mom. The things he’s lied to the world about her…”
“May and Ben knew the risk that came with taking us in” Pepper tells him. “We had numerous discussions about what would happen if Tony found us. They…honey, she doesn’t hate us.”
“We’re betraying her…”
Pulling Peter into an embrace, Pepper asserts “We are not. Just like she is doing everything she can to survive this new normal, she knows we are doing the same. If anything, she’d be relieved to know that it isn’t all bad. That Tony isn’t keeping us locked away in some dungeon. She wants you to be happy baby. Don’t think for a second that she wants you miserable and living every day in agony for her sake.”
“But…”
“May loves you. She always will. She knows that our futures are not in our own hands anymore. The way to make her proud is to get through this and become the best leader you can be. Be someone that the country looks up to. Someone who inspires hope. You are not betraying May by going through Tony’s teachings. You are adapting to a different life. One we couldn’t prepare you for in Queens.”
One he couldn’t be prepared for in Queens. The emotion Peter feels right now isn’t the one he was expecting. Once again, he wishes his mom never left Malibu. So much heartache and suffering could have been avoided. The Parkers would be better off, his parents would be better off, and Peter himself would be better off.
There wouldn’t be a sudden need to adapt to a completely new environment. There wouldn’t be a rebuilding of relationships that should have never been broken. There wouldn’t be this shock of a completely different outlook on the world Peter thought he knew well. All the people who have been hurt along the way wouldn’t have had to go through that pain.
The inevitable change of Peter’s identity and being is a future he’s been dreading since the moment Oscorp put him in an ambulance. To know that the two women who raised him hold no judgement or distain about it takes a load of Peter’s shoulders.
Eventually Tony makes his way back onto the deck, a lot calmer than before and with a drink in his hand. Pepper and Peter paddle their raft closer so Tony can join them. He sits on the other side of Peter, the tension in his body releasing as he takes a swig of alcohol.
“Everything okay?” Peter asks.
“Yeah” Tony pats him on the shoulder. “New receptionist at the office was the culprit. Apparently, we did them a favor, she also disclosed the bookings for a couple other clients over the past month. Still a pain in the ass I wasn’t planning on this trip.”
The three soak up the sun for a while before Pepper declares she needs to use the restroom and gets back on the yacht.
“Ocean’s right there” Tony points out.
“That’s disgusting.”
“It’s already filled with dead fish, whale vomit and pollution. You really think a bit of urine is going to make a difference.”
Peter lets out a light chuckle at his father’s observation. At the sight, Pepper says “Don’t you go corrupting him to think that way.”
“It isn’t really something that needs to be taught” Tony jokes. Pepper rolls her eyes and heads inside to find a bathroom. Once she is out of sight Tony offers his drink to Peter, “Mojito?”
Accepting the glass, Peter takes a sip. The fresh taste of the beverage brings a smile to his face. “Oh, I like that one.”
“One of my favorites for vacation. Although bartenders tend to hate you because of the mint.”
“Hmm” Peter hums before taking another sip. He feels Tony’s arm rest behind him.
“You okay after the whole paparazzi thing? You seemed a bit shaken when I peeked out the window earlier.”
“Oh uh. Yeah. I wasn’t worried just…lost in thought. Mom and I talked it through.”
“Good” Tony leans his head back, enjoying the sun’s warmth.
There’s a question on the tip of Peter’s tongue that he debates asking. Tony’s in a good mood and he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. But his curiosity and confusion outweigh that desire. “Why are you okay with me breaking down with Mom?”
“Because she’s your mother and it’s her job to comfort you” Tony says nonchalantly. Not even a hint of irritation or anger.
“But…you said at the tower…”
“It’s one of the reason’s I agreed to your idea about the list” Tony explains, turning his head towards Peter. “Just like you said, if you know you get to see Pepper after, you can get through the training. It’s not a unique sentiment Pete. I was the same way with Grandma. Sometimes the only thing getting me through the rough days was knowing she’d be home to comfort me after. That’s how things were supposed to be with you. But with everything that’s happened…you’re having to put in more effort to get those moments. Unfortunately, being older means you have to learn to handle things on your own. Especially if you want to patrol next year.”
Another reason why staying in Malibu would have been easier overall. To have his mom there after every lesson instead of after every hundred.
He lays his head back, staring at the blue sky above. After this weekend, how long will it be for the next trip? How long will Peter have to wait to see his mom again? He debates asking Tony about what to expect out of the next list but doesn’t want that weight on his mind until after the vacation. The conversation he and Pepper had last night resurfaces in his mind. While he isn’t allowed his mother’s comfort throughout the training, there are people who can at least offer him advice and give guidance to what to expect going forward.
“Kate had asked if I’d like to go to the movies and dinner with the other teens when they visit for training this week. Would you be okay if I went?”
This surprises his father, “You’d really like to go?” Peter gives him a nod. “Figure out the restaurant and theatre so I can arrange security, but yeah. I think you’ll have a good time.”