Archive of Our Own ^beta

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On April 23, 471 A.D, Ygraine Pendragon (née de Bois) died giving birth to a baby boy in a city called Camelot. Unbeknownst to her or her desperate husband, this boy would become the greatest King to ever exist. But he couldn’t do it alone.

Months before, his destiny was born in a small village called Ealdor. Emrys, they called him. He was crowned the protector of his people, the savior of magic. But when the King of Camelot’s men came searching for his father, the boy’s mother took him and fled to a kingdom called Carenid, using their former noble status to gain protection and hospitality in the castle. Upon seeing them, Queen Edith took pity on the poor mother and granted her the position of a court lady while King Algar generously took the boy in, making him his ward.

When Queen Ygraine died after the use of magic to conceive her child, King Uther of Camelot flew into a rage, attempting to pass a law to ban magic from the realm. But with much persuasion from his friends and allies, including King Algar with his new magical ward, the law was never passed. The court sorceress responsible was executed and King Uther never appointed another one, but magic remained free in the kingdom.

21 years later, is when the true story starts.

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“Arthur, as your twenty-first birthday was two months ago, I believe that, for the good of our kingdom and for your future security, it is time for you to find someone. Not just anyone but someone to rely on, someone to trust, to give you strength. Someone…”

Arthur was sitting in the dining room eating dinner with his father who was droning on about another thing he had to do, on top of his mounting responsibilities. He’d just been crowned official Prince of Camelot and his workload was more than it had ever been in his life. As his father droned on about compatibility and alliance, he figured he should probably tune back in.

“... and they will arrive in two weeks' time. I think this alliance will be good for making peace and continuing order across the realm. I believe your marriage will benefit everyone, don’t you?” Uther said and Arthur’s eyes shot up from where he was staring down at his plate. What?!

“Marriage?” he yelped and his father gave him a look of disapproval.

“Yes, Arthur, marriage. Have you been listening? In any case, you should have that servant of yours get you some new tunics. You want to look presentable for the suitresses.”. Arthur nodded as Uther excused himself, Arthur following suit. When he got to his chamber, he told his servant, a younger boy named Morris, about what the King said about the clothes before dismissing him for the night.

Arthur flopped down into bed, exhausted already. He didn’t really fancy getting married with some noble girl he only had a few months to get to know. And he didn’t suppose it would be any better to marry some noble boy either, if he’d had the option. Which he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

He sighed into his pillow. Arthur knew the day would come when he’d have to marry some rich man’s daughter to make heirs and keep up appearances but he didn’t think it would be so soon. He’d secretly hoped he’d have more time to experience the… other side of his attraction. He wondered if he should have accepted Gwaine’s flirtatious advances, before deciding against it. The man was insufferable. He was also Arthur’s best friend and closest confidant, aside from his foster sister Morgana.

Maybe his wife would let him have a mistress. Or mister? What did you call a man mistress anyways? And obviously he would let her have one too, if she so pleased. Whatever it was called. He smirked and rolled over. Well, that was certainly an idea. Arthur knew he wouldn’t be able to fully love the woman but he could damn well try. He tried not to think about it too much.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep. He knew the two weeks he’d been given to prepare would go by all too quickly so he needed all the rest he could get. This was going to be a long few months.

Merlin

Merlin was not looking forward to the coming months. One week ago he’d gotten notice that he was traveling to Camelot with the Princesses so one could marry Prince Arthur. Why he had to come when it was one of his not-sisters getting married, not him, he didn’t know. But here he was, sitting in one of the royal carriages, stuffed into royal dress and only half listening to King Algar talk about the political benefits the union would bring and how excited he was about one of his little girls getting married.

Ok, so maybe his white tunic and stiff brown breeches bothered him but the cloak he’d been made to wear was not half bad. What was he saying? It was his favorite cloak, of course it wasn’t half bad. It was dark blue with a sheer light blue layer over-top that flowed behind him when he walked. His favorite part was the small silver, leaf shaped brooches that held the cloak to his shoulders. It made him feel rather handsome and the blue matched his eyes so he wasn’t complaining. At least not about that part.

He stared out of the window, nodding and smiling when acceptable but he’d really rather be anywhere else. It wasn’t like Merlin didn’t like his King, in fact he loved the man like his own father, but he’d heard all these things in council and in the halls and even from his Druid tutor, Siofra. He was just a little sick of it.

For a time, he’d tried to convince himself he wasn’t jealous that Helen and Celeste got to marry nice Princes or noble boys freely and openly, without having to think about public image, but he just couldn’t deny the twisting feeling in his gut. He wanted to love and be loved. He wanted to marry a nice boy too. And that was the problem. Merlin couldn’t love girls, though he’d tried so valiantly in his youth. He’d thought he was cursed before the whole concept of homosexuality was explained to him by his mother and Siofra. Sometimes he still thought he was cursed.

All he wanted was love in his life. He’d long since accepted the fact that he’d never get it.

He sighed and Algar stopped his rant. “Is something troubling you, my boy?” he asked and Merlin forced himself to smile at him. After all, he didn’t want to worry the older man.

“No, nothing, my lord,” he said politely. Still sensing something was wrong, the King reached across the carriage and put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’ll only be for a few months. But if that’s not the source of your troubles then you can tell me. In your mother’s absence, I will listen.” he said and Merlin smiled at him, genuinely this time, with a shrug. The Queen and his mother hadn’t been able to come along because apparently it wasn’t necessary but that wasn’t what was troubling him. He could never tell the King what was wrong but he was glad for the support. King Algar was the father he’d never had.

The carriage stopped with a jolt and he pulled the curtain back from the window a sliver. They were stopped in a cobble courtyard and he could see the stairs to the castle were lined with red clad men. He’d heard stories of the nobles of Camelot, brash and aggressive men with a greif mad King and a supercilious and arrogant son. Merlin was not looking forward to this. He stepped out of the carriage after the King, squinting in the morning light, before moving to help the Princesses out of their carriage.

The four stepped closer to the stairs and Algar stuck out his hand to a straight-backed man with graying hair and a golden crown. He must be the King. Merlin figured, taking in his regal aura and wrinkled eyes. The two men shook hands and the man, King Uther, turned to the side and put a hand on the shoulder of a younger boy, pushing him forward.

“This is my son, Arthur,” he said, proudly, and King Algar turned around and pushed Merlin forward too. When he got a closer look, the Prince was surprisingly attractive with golden blond hair, a roman nose and sparkling blue eyes, just a shade or two lighter than his own. He had his own golden circlet resting on his straight hair and Merlin almost pushed a hand through his unruly curls self consciously, before remembering proper etiquette and sticking out his hand with a small smile.

“I’m the King’s ward, Merlin,” he said and Arthur nodded, briefly shaking his hand with a rather uncomfortable smile. They stood there for another second in awkward silence before Merlin turned back and took Helen’s hand, bringing her forward. Algar did the same with Celeste.

“These are my two daughters, Princess Celeste-” the King said, presenting Celeste who curtsied with her signature straight face, “-and Princess Helen,”. The younger girl copied her older sister with an overly enthusiastic smile and much batting of her eyelashes. Merlin groaned internally at the girl as Arthur smiled back at her, though Merlin noticed it was more uncomfortable than the one he’d given him which was seriously saying something. After they were finished, a few servants stepped forward to lead them to their individual guest chambers.

When Merlin got to his room, he took his trunk from the serving boy, Morris, with a small thank you and sent him away. Then, he flopped down onto the bed with a tired sigh. This was going to be a long few months.

Arthur

After introductions were done, Arthur made his way to Morgana’s chambers thinking of the new castle guests he’d inevitably be expected to entertain. Or rather, one guest in particular. King Algar’s ward had caught his eye with his prominent cheekbones and striking blue eyes. His expensive deep blue clothes and sparkling headpiece had only added to his looks. It wasn’t like he was attracted to him or anything but Arthur wouldn’t deny he was kind of… he didn’t know how to describe it. He decided on pretty. He’d never seen a boy so pretty before. He’d be a good ally to have once the whole marriage ordeal was over, the boy being a warlock and all.

Maybe they could be friends.

When he knocked on the door, Gwenhwyfer answered before Morgana called to let him in. When Arthur walked in, he practically fell into the nearest chair and huffed. He heard Morgana laugh from where Gwen was continuing to apply powder to her face.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist now, Artie?” she snickered and he glared at her even though he knew she couldn’t see it.

“I don’t want to marry either of the Princesses,” he stated bluntly. Morgana rolled her eyes.

“Well don’t just state the obvious. Tell me more.” she prodded and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Celeste is plain. Boring, even. Plain brown hair, plain brown eyes, plain blank face. It was like she hadn’t felt a single emotion for years. I mean, I guess her dress was nice, all white and flowing, but there was nothing compelling about her. And don’t even get me started on Helen. She was nice looking, lighter hair than her sister and nicer cheekbones, I suppose. But she must have taken all Celeste’s emotions because, God, no one had ever flirted with me as much as she, and she didn’t even say anything. I could practically feel the horny radiating off of her, ‘Gana,” he ranted and both Morgana and her maid burst into laughter at the last comment. Once Morgana was finished laughing at his distress, like the harpy she was, she clicked her tongue at him.

“Come on, Arthur, it’s probably just a first impression. You’re judgemental,” she stated simply and Gwen nodded along. Arthur scoffed. Judgemental? Him? She was probably right but he would never admit that, not even to himself. And the point still stood so who cared?

“If I may, sire,” the maid began and he nodded for her to go on with a sigh, “You are being a little harsh on them. Perhaps they’re tired from their travels. Carenid isn’t very close to Camelot, as you know, so it must have been quite the journey. You must marry one, mustn't you? Maybe try to open your heart a little more?” she suggested from where she was pinning her Lady’s hair in place. He huffed again and stood up.

“Maybe,” he said sourly, heading to the door. He bid the girls farewell until the feast later and trekked back to his room to bask in the last bit of peace he supposed he’d ever feel for the rest of his life.

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Merlin

That night Camelot held a welcome feast for the Princesses- or, the suitresses, they called them- and Merlin was invited to tag along. From left to right sat Celeste, Lady Morgana, King Uther, King Algar, Helen, Prince Arthur and himself. He tried not to knock elbows with the Prince as he ate in silence at his side. Celeste and Morgana were making light conversation on one side and Helen was trying way too hard to impress the Prince, her crush on him as obvious as the day was long.

The food was good and the music was too but Merlin was tired. He just wanted it to end. Arthur knocked his elbow as he called for his servant to fill his glass and it took all of Merlin’s patience to not glare at him. The boy scurried over hurriedly and began to pour before he turned to Merlin’s glass, filling it in turn. Then, Helen laughed, a high-pitched giggle that Merlin had never heard from her in all his years of knowing her (which were since she was born) and hit Arthur on the arm, fondly. Or, as fondly as she could make her obsession with him seem. Unfortunately, Arthur recoiled, knocking his servant’s arm and sending wine spilling all over the table. Arthur turned around and grit his teeth.

“Morris, you idiot, what are you doing?” he hissed and the boy- Morris- looked like he wanted to either cringe or cry. Possibly both. The boy bowed his head, muttering apology after apology. Arthur rolled his eyes and glared at the boy.

“Well don’t just stand there useless, clean the damn mess up!” he commanded and the boy winced. Merlin put a light hand on the servant’s arm, directing him away from the spill. Upon seeing the fear and glistening tears in the younger boy’s eyes, he smiled softly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up,” he said lightly before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper, “The Prince is probably just tired. That’s why he’s being a bit of a prick right now. It was no fault of yours anyway, you were just doing your job.”. Morris smiled back at him and nodded before turning away and walking back to his corner at the back of the room. When he left, Merlin was greeted by Arthur’s annoyed grimace. He gave the Prince a pointed glare and cleaned up the mess with a few muttered words and a flash of gold in his eyes. Arthur scoffed at him.

“You should have let him clean it up. He was the one who spilled the drink, after all.” he said and Merlin turned back to him, trying very hard not to slap the man.

“You were the one who knocked his arm. Why should he have to take the fall for it? And anyways, it’s just easier to use magic than waste good cloths and poor Morris’ time.” he said, waving his hand and turning back to his dinner. Arthur went silent for a second before shoving his shoulder into Merlin’s with considerable force, sending the piece of meat on his fork flying across the table.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. That was an accident. I should definitely go clean it up for you, no harm done.” Arthur rambled, tone dripping with sarcasm. His attitude was already fraying on the edges of Merlin’s patience but this was the final fucking straw.

“You’re an asshole, you know that? Like, can you seriously not be a decent human being? I’ve heard all kinds of things about you and so far, you’re proving everyone’s points perfectly. I pity the woman forced to marry your rude, ugly, arrogant arse. Have fun being hated forever.” he spat. Arthur stared at him, shocked into silence. Merlin glared right at him without abandon.

Someone cleared their throat from behind the Prince and they both turned to look at Helen who was looking between the two of them, her bottom lip between her teeth. Arthur plastered on a ridiculously fake smile and apologized in a sickly sweet voice. Thankfully, Merlin only had to endure the wretched feast for another half hour before the King’s ward, Lady Morgana, excused herself, Merlin following suit. He was so tired he flopped onto his bed, fully clothed, only remembering to take off his shoes, cloak and crystal headpiece Siofra had forced him into. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Arthur

They could not be friends. Merlin and Arthur, that is, could never be friends. He sat down heavily in his chair and tried to focus on the report he was meant to be writing. The feast had ended an hour ago and yet he still had so much to do. And the worst part was he couldn’t keep his mind off of it. He mildly regretted being an ass to Merlin but not really. He was just so tired of Helen’s constant talking and her obvious flirting. Couldn't she see he wasn’t interested?

“Some people just can’t take a hint,” he muttered under his breath, scratching out a few sentences on his report. There was a knock at his door before his father walked in. His head shot up from his report and Uther nodded at him.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your work but I have a request. You must take our esteemed guests on individual tours of the castle tomorrow. I expect you to have the invitations written and delivered by tomorrow morning.” he said and Arthur nodded, internally sighing. He hated the idea of having to endure Merlin’s presence again after that disaster of a first real meeting.

“All of them?” he asked. The King chuckled.

“I understand Princess Helen was a bit overbearing tonight but I hope you can look past that. She has a strong mind and a good heart despite her… disagreeable advances. You may want to get to know her, after all.” he said sympathetically before turning around and making his way back to the door. Arthur didn’t mean Helen but he didn’t have the heart to correct the King.

“Goodnight, Arthur,” he called, closing the door behind him. Arthur sighed and got to work on the invites, shifting his report to the corner of his desk. Once he was done, he went into the hallway and called a passing servant, ordering them to deliver the three invites before morning. Then, he climbed into bed, drafting a generic speech about the castle in his mind, the boredom drifting him to sleep.

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The next morning, Arthur knocked on Merlin’s door first. He’d set up the tours from most to least awful to endure, with Algar’s ward at the very top. Merlin exited, wearing the same cloak as the previous day but a slightly different outfit underneath. He’d also abandoned his glimmering headpiece. He was still- though now infuriatingly- pretty. And he was shorter than Arthur by a few inches, he realized, now that they were right in front of each other. Merlin narrowed his eyes at him.

“Have you decided to be less of an arse today?” he asked and Arthur bit his lip to stop him from scoffing. Why did he ever think this might have gone differently?

“Sure,” he said, smiling a fake smile, “Come on, we can’t stand around here all day, now can we?”. They began walking through the castle, pointing out various places and naming boring facts. He didn’t blame Merlin for not listening. Though he was nodding and humming with interest when required, Arthur knew he wasn’t paying attention. He’d done the same exact thing in so many meetings, he knew the look. He stopped outside the physicians’ chambers and turned to Merlin who, he was surprised to see, was actually listening. For real.

“So here we have-”

“The physicians' chambers!”

“Yes, Merlin, good observation,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes as the shorter boy interrupted him, “Anyways, as I was saying, Gaius and Alice are our court physicians and they-”

“Gaius and Alice?” Merlin interrupted again.

“Yes, that’s what I just said, weren’t you li-”

“The Gaius and Alice? Like Gaius and Alice Blaise, the famous magic medicine authors?” Merlin interrupted again, a hopeful smile forming on his lips. Arthur sighed before nodding once and Merlin clapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh My Gods, Arthur can I please talk to them? They are literally my idols, I just have to meet them! You’ll let me meet them, won’t you?” he gushed and Arthur noticed this was the first time he’d seen Merlin so genuinely happy. He decided it was kind of endearing annoying.

But he pushed the door open anyways, entering the room with Merlin trailing eagerly behind. The next ten minutes consisted of Arthur standing in a corner and watching as Gaius and Alice, bless their hearts, entertained every single question Merlin had with patience and understanding. He checked the time out the window and realized he’d have to get to Helen soon. Arthur had to practically peel Merlin away from the old physicians as they promised him to let him visit again soon.

As the two were walking, they passed by Gwen. Arthur smiled at her briefly and Merlin waved at her beside him. After that, he didn’t miss the way Merlin smiled all the way back to his room. Was it the visit to the physicians chambers? Arthur pondered. Was he thinking about something? Someone? No, he only got like this after we saw Gwen… Gwen. Oh my God. He likes Gwen.

Arthur stopped waking abruptly and Merlin stopped too, turning to face him.

“What?”

“Do you like Gwen? The girl we passed a few minutes ago?” he blurted and Merlin shrugged.

“She seems sweet. Isn’t she Lady Morgana’s maid? I’ve heard good things about her.” he said and Arthur shook his head. Merlin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“No, idiot, do you like her?” he asked, lowering his voice. Merlin's eyes went wide and he bit his lip. It looked almost as if he was biting back a smirk.

“Arthur… I’m a raging homosexual,” he said and it became more clear he was definitely biting back a smirk. Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again. Maybe they had more in common than he originally thought. Merlin cleared his throat, smirk gone.

“That won’t be an issue, will it?” he challenged. Arthur shook his head. He was probably one of the last people to judge, next to Morgana and Gwen.

“No, don’t worry. I just didn’t expect it, is all.” he reassured him and Merlin seemed to relax a little. Then, he narrowed his eyes on Arthur.

“Wait, how did that come as a shock? You have seen me haven’t you?”

“Yes, unfortunately I have,” he quipped. Merlin rolled his eyes, glaring at him like the night before.

“You’re such a prat,” he huffed and Arthur gaped at him. Who was this scrawny excuse for a nobleman to insult him, the Prince, in his own home?

“Excuse me?”

“I said you’re a prat,”

“You’re not even a Prince and you’re a guest in my home! You can’t speak to me like that!” Arthur cried, in utter disbelief.

“Two out of three. I can do whatever I want.”

“What, by batting your eyelashes and whining like a girl? I could take you apart with a single blow.”

“I could take you apart with less than that,” he retaliated and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Oh no. I’m so scared.” he said, tone dripping with sarcasm. Merlin clicked his tongue and shook his head, a warning, before walking off. Arthur scoffed at his retreating back.

“Insufferable idiot,” he muttered under his breath, turning to begin his walk to Princess Helen’s chamber.

###

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. Arthur wasn’t wrong in his first impression of the Princesses. During their respective tours, Helen got too close and tried to flirt with him every other sentence and Celeste seemed constantly bored.

“She looked like she’d never smiled in her entire life!” he complained and Morgana chuckled. He was eating dinner with her that night because his father and King Algar were having a private meeting. “I don’t fancy any of them!” he huffed and Morgana smirked.

“Even Merlin?” she asked, raising her eyebrows and he scoffed. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about that idiot again. Though it had been the easiest walk to get through… No. Nope. He was not going to have a single nice thought about him. No way. Arthur shook his head.

“Least of all Merlin. He’s insufferable, Morgana! You know what he called me today?”. She raised her eyebrows in response and he continued. “A prat. He called me a prat and said he could get away with anything he wanted. Then he threatened me!”

“Arthur, did you threaten him first?”

“Why would you-“

“Did you?”

He hesitated. “....Yes,”.

Morgana burst into laughter. He rolled his eyes and, in his anger, stabbed a piece of chicken a little too hard, sending it flying across the table which only made her laugh more. He huffed.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up all you want, I don’t know how I’m going to survive the coming months,”

“You’ll be fine. You don’t even have to see him. Unless you go to Gaius and Alice’s because he’ll probably be there most of the time. I’ve heard he’s a huge fan of their books.”

“A huge nerd more like,”

“You’ll come around, I’m sure,” she said, continuing her dinner.

Arthur didn’t believe her.

Chapter Text

Merlin

After his disastrous first encounters with Arthur, he didn’t really see him anymore. Mostly because he was cooped up in the physicians’ chambers learning everything he could about healing magic and definitely not because he’d also been actively trying to avoid the blond prat. He knew he should be building a good relationship with him but it was Helen or Celeste getting married, not him. He was at least grateful for the lessons Alice had been giving him. She was a nice woman with a caring heart and she reminded him a bit of his mother when she spoke. Things were going well.

He was reading a book Gaius had recommended to him when there was a knock at the door. He called for them to enter and the very boy he’d been so valiantly trying to avoid came walking through the door. He deadpanned.

“What do you want from me?” he asked, looking back at his book. Arthur walked forward and pushed the book down so Merlin was forced to pay attention to him.

“You’re coming on a hunt with me tomorrow,” he said and Merlin huffed. He could fish, he could read, he could ride, he could write, hell, he could even bake a decent loaf of bread if he put his mind to it but the one thing he couldn't do, to save his own life, was hunt.

“And what if I say no?” he shot back and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Then I’ll kidnap you tomorrow morning and you can come in your underclothes for all I care. But you’re coming either way.” he said. Merlin gaped at him.

“I hate hunting! Take Celeste with you, she’s quiet and she loves riding, she’ll adore it!” he protested. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed down at him.

“As much as I’d love to take anyone but you, my father says that hunting isn’t for women, which is bullshit by the way, and that if I took you instead of going alone, like I originally planned, then it would be a good… what did he call it? Oh right, bonding experience for the both of us.” he explained, throwing up air quotes. Merlin scrunched his nose. He hated people who weren’t open minded. Arthur seemed over it but his father? Not so much. Though it didn’t seem like Uther could even try to be open minded without spontaneously combusting anyways so, honestly, what was he expecting?

“So I have to come hunting with you tomorrow?”

“No,”. Merlin shot him a confused look. What?

“What do you mean no? You just said your father wants us to go hunting and you said you’d kidnap me if I refused. I really don't feel like getting dragged out of bed at the ass crack of dawn in my underthings so I’ll have to come with you.”

“I wasn’t going hunting, I just wanted an excuse to get out of the castle for a while,” Arthur said. Merlin stared at him.

“You mean to tell me that you could have just told me we’re going out and not had to threaten me? Because I would’ve agreed much quicker and we wouldn’t have to be having this argument.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that? Men are supposed to like hunting!” Arthur huffed, exasperated and Merlin rolled his eyes. Seems the apple didn’t fall that far from the tree after all.

“Only knights like hunting and they're a bit thick aren't they,” he stated with a shrug. Arthur scoffed.

“I’m a knight, Merlin,” he stated and Merlin smirked up at him.

“Makes sense then,”. Arthur glared at him and shook his head.

“Gwaine will love you,” he muttered. Merlin sat up a little straighter at this.

“Who’s Gwaine?” Merlin asked, questions already forming in his mind. Who is Gwaine? Is he Arthur's secret boyfriend? Does he have a secret boyfriend? This is so great I can use this against him! Merlin thought with a cackle.

“Oh my Gods, is he your lover?” he laughed and Arthur spluttered, waving his hands out in front of him like a fool.

“No! No, no,no! He is not! He’s just a friend of mine. But I'm not really allowed to have friends who aren’t nobles so I see him in secret.”

“Sounds pretty secret-lover-ey to me,” Merlin smirked and Arthur’s face went red before transforming into a look of horrified shock.

“Just because I like boys does not mean I like Gwaine. He’s insufferable, as are you. Meet me in the courtyard in something you can ride in, tomorrow morning. Got it?”. Merlin rolled his eyes and went back to his book as Arthur left the room, slamming the door a little too hard behind him.

Wait- He likes boys?!?

###

The next morning Merlin met Arthur in the courtyard and they mounted their horses. They rode a bit into the forest before Arthur turned his horse around almost completely.

“Just follow me. And when we get there, I expect you to stay by the horses and leave me in peace. Got it?” he said and Merlin nodded. They rode for another hour in silence. It wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable either. Merlin broke the silence.

“How did you meet Gwaine?” he asked. When Arthur didn’t respond he figured he was ignoring him and so he didn’t ask again. Arthur spoke up a minute later.

“I was on patrol and I broke up a fight outside a tavern near the border. Gwaine had socked the guy for trying to take advantage of a girl and they got into a fight.” he said. Merlin sped his horse up a bit to ride next to Arthur. “Gwaine refused to be arrested. Like he literally would not let us get at him. So I let him go because it wasn’t such a horrible thing, you know? Anyways, then he asked me to have a pint with him-” Arthur laughed, as if remembering the night, and Merlin stared at him. He couldn’t deny he was handsome. Too bad he’s such a prat., Merlin thought, tearing his eyes away from the Prince’s perfect jawline.

“He wouldn’t stop flirting with me and I was mildly uncomfortable because up to that point I thought I only liked girls. I think it’s safe to say that he was my ‘oh God, I like men’ awakening. Nothing happened after that because he left shortly after- he doesn’t like to stay in the same place for long- but it was a little shocking for sure.”. Merlin laughed and Arthur turned to him with a, shockingly, genuine smile. “What about you? Do you have any friends?”

Merlin paled. “Um… A few druids. And Celeste, I guess…” he trailed off. Arthur smirked at him. “Shut up!”

“I didn’t even say anything! So how about you? Surely you didn’t just wake up one morning deciding to be a raging homosexual. I know that’s not how it works.” Arthur said. Merlin gaped at him for a second before breaking down into a fit of laughter, doubling over on his horse.

“Raging homosexual? Is that what you truly think of me?” he asked, gasping for air. There were genuine tears in his eyes and Arthur was beaming at him.

“Those were your words, you idiot!” Arthur said, though it lacked heat. Once he’d managed to catch his breath, Merlin turned to him.

“There was a stable boy-” he began but Arthur interrupted him.

“It’s always the stable boys!”

“I know right! Anyways I was really into him and apparently he felt the same. Yada yada, stuff happened and we dated in secret for at least 7 months before he left me for some seamstress! Said he was bored of me! I was so upset! It took me two days to come out of my room after that, if you can believe it.” he told Arthur. The Prince seemed to consider it before saying

“Actually, I can believe it. You seem like the sulking type.”. Merlin gaped at him. Arsehole. Infuriatingly handsome arsehole.

“Rude. Well, you seem like the brooding type.” he retaliated and Arthur rolled his eyes at him.

As they came up a ridge, a small stream came into view. A man sat against a tree with his legs outstretched on the shore and his arms behind his head. He must be Gwaine. Merlin thought, craning his neck to get a better look. He was rather handsome but that could have just been a first impression. When the two got closer, they dismounted and Merlin took the reins of both their horses, tying them to the tree. Arthur gave him a swift nod before walking down the small path to the stream. Merlin turned to his mare and patted its head, giving the two some privacy.

Arthur

As he walked down the path to the stream he called out.

“Gwaine!”. Gwaine turned around and grinned at him. He jumped up and pulled Arthur into a hug, patting him on the back.

“How’ve you been, Princess?” he asked, grinning at him. Arthur rolled his eyes with a shrug.

“Things have been alright. How are you? How many fights have you gotten into, dare I ask?” he chuckled. Gwaine's smile grew and Arthur dreaded the answer to his last question...

“I’m doing better than ever! Also, don’t even ask, I can’t even count. But I did get in one last week and this huge hunk of a man steps in to help me. And I turned to him after and I go ‘I didn’t need your help but thanks anyways,’ with a wink as usual because, you know me, I can’t resist being a flirt. And, he was actually quite handsome mind you, anyway he starts spluttering and blushing and anyways now I have a new boyfriend. His name is Percival and I think he might be the one.” he rambled excitedly. Arthur smiled and clapped his friend on the shoulder fondly.

“That’s great! I’m happy for you, mate! Let’s hope you don’t scare him off like the last one.” he joked. Gwaine gasped dramatically and clutched his hand to his chest.

“How dare you! I thought we were friends! You wound me, Princess.” he laughed. Then his eyes caught on something behind Arthur and he glanced back to where Merlin was with the horses, on instinct.

“What?”. Gwaine turned back to him.

“Who’s the pretty boy?” he asked, smirking and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Something came up at the last minute that I couldn’t tell you in my last letter. ‘Pretty boy’, or so you called him, is King Algar’s ward. From Carenid. He’s here with the King’s two daughters. As you probably remember, I came of age last month. Well, my father wants me to marry.” he sighed. Gwaine raised his eyebrows at him, glancing between Merlin and him.

“Well he ain’t a bad looking fella’” he said and Arthur blanched.

“Not to Merlin! God, Gwaine, to one of the King’s daughters.” he cried, waving his hands in front of him. Arthur shook his head as the man laughed and glanced around again. As if feeling their gazes on him, Merlin glanced back at them.

“Oi! Pretty boy! C’mere!” Gwaine called, waving him over. Arthur turned to him, eyes wide.

“Gwaine what the hell are you doing? I only brought him because my father insisted. He’s almost as insufferable as you!” he hissed, trying to step into his line of sight.

Gwaine simply looked around him, standing on the tips of his toes, to hold Merlin’s attention. At this, Arthur huffed in resignation and turned to watch the interaction play out. Gwaine called out to him again and Merlin pointed to himself. Gwaine nodded and beamed at him, excitedly, continuing to beckon him over with flailing hands. He looks like an utter fool, flailing about like that. God, it’s a wonder he hasn’t gotten himself arrested yet. Arthur thought, exasperated. Merlin strode over, ruffling his hair as he went. He looked at Arthur and mouthed ‘pretty boy?’. He merely shrugged exasperatedly in response.

“I’m Gwaine, pleasure to meet you,” he said, bowing to Merlin. Merlin shot Arthur a look and he clapped Gwaine on the back, a little roughly.

“Come on, that's not necessary,”. Gwaine straightened out, pulling a flower out of seemingly nowhere as he went. He handed the flower to Merlin who gave Arthur another look, this time more amused.

“Want to know how I did it?” he asked and Merlin nodded, humoring him more than anything. Gwaine twinkled his fingers dramatically, waving them in their faces. Arthur batted his hands away.

“Magic,” he stage-whispered and Merlin pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, shaking with just barely restrained laughter. Gwaine pouted dramatically and Arthur couldn’t help but smile.

“Not impressed?” he asked and Merlin shook his head.

“No, no, it was very impressive. It just wasn’t magic.” he said and Gwaine scoffed playfully at him.

“And how would you know that?” he tested and Merlin raised his eyebrows. He turned to Arthur and pressed the flower into his hand.

“Hold this for me,” he said before turning back to Gwaine and rubbing his hands together. “I’ll show you some real magic.”

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and a bouquet of flowers appeared in his hands. Arthur had to stop himself from gaping. There were at least 7 different types of flowers in it, half of which he had never even seen before. Gwaine’s eyes lit up and he clapped enthusiastically as Merlin beamed, a little flustered. He handed the bouquet to Gwaine who sniffed it in an over-exaggerated manner before sneezing loudly. He wiped his nose and straightened out.

“My boyfriend will love them,” he said and Merlin beamed at him again.

“Well, I’ll be off then. Take your time.” he said to Arthur, brushing his shoulder lightly as he walked away. He turned back to Gwaine. “It was a pleasure meeting you!” Merlin called and Gwaine waved.

“I dunno man,” he told Arthur, eyes still on the other boy “He seems like he’d make one hell of a husband,”

Chapter Text

One month. One month was all it took for Arthur to reach his God forsaken limit. Between his father’s overbearing lectures about how to woo a woman properly, Helen’s seemingly endless flirting and Merlin- just Merlin’s entire being and existence, Arthur was going to die. And on top of that, he still had speeches to write, patrols to lead and meetings to attend. As he walked into the council room, his eyes landed on familiar blue ones and he honestly considered just turning around and walking out. But he didn’t, instead going to stand beside Sir Leon on the King's right side.

“Why is he here?” he hissed to the knight who shrugged and leaned closer to him.

“Merlin? Well, Algar said something about wanting him to experience court and for you two to get along. I suppose that’s why.” he whispered back and Arthur looked up. Merlin was running a hand through his already messy curls, mussing them further. The meeting started and as it went on, he stayed quiet, giving Arthur a sense of peace and normalcy for once. But, like seemingly all the good things in the Prince’s life at the moment, the peace came to an end. Leon was reporting on some disturbances near their eastern border when his father spoke up.

“Then we attack the village. I have reason to believe the criminals are hiding out there. We may be able to draw them out.” he said. Merlin stood up straighter at this.

“My Lord, if I may?” he spoke up. Uther nodded for him to speak, looking mildly impressed. “If you want to draw the criminals out, you shouldn't take such drastic measures. It will only give you a bad reputation. I would suggest interrogating them instead. The criminals will hear of this and most likely want to run. You could set up an ambush of sorts.” he continued. The King’s face turned from being impressed to being filled with shock. Arthur cringed. He knew what came next.

“Do not suggest to me how to run my kingdom, boy. You know nothing of what it’s like to be King.” he hissed venomously and Merlin looked like he wanted to flinch but stood his ground. He nodded and ducked his head. He really should have just held his tongue. Arthur sighed internally as the meeting went on. After the meeting was over, he saw Merlin walking hastily out of the room and he followed him.

“You can’t disagree with the King, Merlin,” he said, slowing down his pace to walk beside him. Merlin looked up at him.

“Why not? It was unnecessary to be that harsh. There are other ways of doing things to guarantee the same outcome.”

“He’s the King, no one trumps his opinion,”

“Well, why can't I suggest something?” Merlin questioned and Arthur sighed, leaning down closer so Merlin could hear him.

“Because he wont listen” he muttered. Merlin leaned in as well.

“Why not?”

“Merlin, you don't know what my father is like. It would be best if you just kept your smart mouth shut from now on.”. Arthur saw his jaw clench before he spat out a reply.

“Well if you’re not bold enough to speak up against your own father then I’ll be glad to do it. I don’t understand how you can just stand around accepting his belligerent injustice but I’ll have you know I won't.”. Arthur clenched his fists, fighting the urge to punch him.

“You don’t even live here! This isn’t your kingdom to protect!”

“That doesn’t mean I don't care,” Merlin hissed and Arthur rolled his eyes at that. Of course Merlin felt that way, ever the soft hearted. But what did that have to do with him? A village was a village. He did what he was told.

“Oh I’m sorry,” he murmured sarcastically, “But it’s not my responsibility to care who lives where. I just do my duty as Crown Prince.”. He heard Merlin take a jagged breath and only then registered how close they were. The two were brushing shoulders as they walked, voices low so no one could hear them though there was no one left in the hall and Arthur knew there wouldn’t be for a while.

“We’ll you’re not doing it very well, seeing as you’re supposed to be protecting the people of the realm but you’re going to have to attack them instead,” he said, tone sharp and full of malice. Arthur was done with his stupid smart mouth and witty insolence. He turned to Merlin, grabbed the collar of his tunic and shoved him up against the stone wall of the corridor.

“How dare you speak of me like that. You forget I’m the one with all the power here!” he hissed and Merlin smirked at him plastering on a patronizing look.

“Oh come on, what are you going to do to me? Kiss me?” Merlin snickered and Arthur took a breath.

Merlin’s smile faded and he looked up at Arthur, lips parted, a question in his eyes. He hated Merlin. He hated him so much. So why did he want to kiss him so badly? He stared at Merlin’s lips until he couldn’t take it any longer. He surged forward, smashing his lips on Merlin’s who kissed back eagerly. Arthur’s hands traveled from his collar down to wrap around his waist, holding on for dear life. Merlin’s hands found their place on his shoulders and their teeth clacked together as he pulled Arthur impossibly closer. When they separated to breathe, Merlin pushed off of the wall and grabbed onto his wrist, pulling the Prince into an empty room to the left. He locked the door behind him and spun back to face Arthur, dragging him close by the collar.

“This doesn’t mean I hate you any less,” he whispered and Arthur could feel his lips brushing his own. It did things to his insides.

“Likewise,” he replied before Merlin pulled him into another round of bruising kisses. Arthur placed his hands on his jaw this time, tilting Merlin’s face up so he didn’t have to lean down so much. Merlin thread his fingers into the back of Arthur’s hair and tugged as hard as he dared. It pissed the Prince off a little bit. He bit down on Merlin’s bottom lip in retaliation, the boy emitting a pained noise. Despite that it made him pull Arthur closer and he suspected that if they got any closer they might fuse.

Suddenly, there was a noise in the hallway and the two pulled back panting, ears straining to hear what was going on. There were heavy footsteps coming down the hallway. He shared a look with Merlin before his eyes flashed gold. Arthur raised his eyebrows and Merlin pulled him in by the collar again, this time to whisper in his ear.

“Your father and King Algar,” he mumbled, breathing tickling Arthur’s ear. He tried not to think of what the feeling did to his insides, rather on how the hell to get out of the room without being spotted. He figured the only thing they could do was wait until the two turned the corner to run out of the room. So that’s what they did. When the two heard the footsteps retreating, they opened the door a sliver and Arthur peeked out. After determining that the coast was clear, they pushed the door open and walked down the hallway, trying to look like they were meant to be there.

When the two got to Merlin's chamber, they stopped in front of the door. He turned to Merlin who stared back at him. There was no rule book for what you’re supposed to do after making out with the person who’s made your life a living hell since day one. They settled on an awkward nod with equally flushed cheeks before Arthur turned to go back to his room to start writing a cancellation document for the village raid. And definitely not to just sit and think about a soft pair of lips on his. Just writing. No boy...

Maybe a boy.

Ok, he would think about Merlin.

Chapter Text

Merlin

What Merlin thought would be a one time thing with Arthur was not. One week later, as he was walking from the physicians’ chambers, a hand grabbed his wrist, pulling him into a dark alcove. His magic flared to his fingertips, ready to attack. Merlin looked up to see who it was and he was met with the regal face of his recent daydreams. He huffed and pulled his arm out of the Prince’s grasp.

“Gods above, Arthur, you scared the living shit out of me. What do you want?” he hissed. Arthur shot him a smug smile.

“You’re not nearly important enough to be kidnapped, Merlin, so don’t get your knickers in a twist. Now if it was me on the other hand-”

“What. Do. You. Want?”

“I need your help with something,”

As it turned out, Arthur was horrible at writing speeches. Why he chose Merlin would forever be a mystery to the boy but he went along with Arthur anyway. Ten minutes of bickering, insults and walking to the Prince’s chambers later, Merlin was sitting at his desk, poring over a speech for a wedding he didn’t know why he was attending in the first place. He supposed this was his contribution, other than being there. While he worked, Arthur worked on a patrol report, the two working in an almost comfortable silence. Except whenever he looked up to take a break or think, his eyes always landed on a pair of light blue ones that suggested the Prince wanted to be doing something entirely different from writing. It was making it quite hard to focus.

Eventually, Merlin was able to scratch out a semi-okay speech, elegant and neat but not too blunt or boring, before he huffed and flopped down onto the chair to the left of Arthur’s, sliding the scroll across the table. He hummed in approval as he read the speech, even nodding when he came across the parts Merlin was especially proud of. When he was finished, the Prince turned to Merlin and nodded.

“Surprisingly, this isn’t too horrid. It’s almost like you’re competent.” he said, raising his eyebrows in a look of approval.

“Was that a compliment?” Merlin asked, raising his eyebrows. Arthur scoffed, leaning in close.

“Shut up, Merlin,”. Merlin scowled and leaned in as well. They were sitting close again. How is it that they’d gotten that close?

“Make me, prat,”

He glared at Arthur who glared right back at him. He wanted to either slap him or kiss him senseless because the tension between them felt electric, hot. The Prince’s eyes drifted downward to his lips and Merlin licked them on instinct. After what felt like years, a pair of strong hands on his jaw pulled him forward and his lips crashed onto Arthur’s. He sighed into the kiss, easing the remaining tension. After a whole eight days of being torn between fantasizing about his stupid lips and stupid jawline and being completely annoyed by the prat, Merlin had come to the conclusion that nothing would come of it so there was no harm in kissing. And besides, it had been a while since he’d really kissed someone like this.

He tipped their foreheads together, twisting his fingers into the golden hair at the base of his neck. Arthur’s hands slipped down to his hips, tugging him closer. Gods, he needed to get closer. Merlin broke off the kiss, putting a finger on the Prince’s lips when he opened his mouth to speak, before climbing right into his lap, knees bracketing his hips on the chair.

“Better?” Arthur mumbled against his lips. Merlin smirked, eyes slipping closed again.

“Mmm much,”

His hands returned to Merlin’s hips as he brought their lips together again. Arthur smelled faintly of sandalwood and parchment. Merlin wound his arms around his neck, parting his lips slightly to deepen the kiss. This is nice, he thought, only half focused on Arthur who was slipping his tongue into his mouth, one hand back on his waist, the other resting on his leg somewhere close to his upper thigh. It was almost like they tolerated each other. Liked each other. Obviously it wouldn’t be a thing and anyways, Arthur didn’t think that... Did he? Now Merlin was itching to ask but he was a little preoccupied with snogging the life out of the Prince of Camelot like his life depended on it. Finally, he managed to pull away but Arthur began pressing swift kisses onto his jaw and down his neck.

“This isn’t going to be a whole thing, is it?” he asked, taking Arthur’s jaw into his hands and detaching his lips from his skin. He looked up at him and Merlin almost lost his breath at the sight. Arthur stared up at him with his crystal blue eyes, lips parted and slick. He took a breath and the Prince furrowed his eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“This isn’t some big deal, right?”

“What do you mean?”. Merlin rolled his eyes. Will I have to explain it all to him? I knew he was stupid but not this stupid.

“Us. Are we something?” he asked and Arthur’s face flooded with understanding before twisting into a smug smirk.

“No, never with you,” he said, squeezing the side of Merlin’s waist where his hand was still resting. He rolled his eyes. Of course Arthur would have said something like that. But then again, did he expect anything different?

“I’m serious. You have to get married. This is all just fun, yes?”

“Yes. Of course. I have to marry.” Arthur said shortly, averting his eyes. It almost seemed like he had forgotten about it. Or like he was dreading it.

“You don’t seem pleased,” he pointed out. Arthur merely shrugged.

“So what are the ground rules?”. Merlin didn’t miss the way he changed the subject but didn’t say anything. He didn’t think he’d be too pleased about being forced into marrying against his will either. He let it go.

“I don’t know. Just... no boyfriend things. It’s not like we’d want to… Oh, I don’t know, cuddle or give gifts or something.” he huffed. Now that he thought about it he didn’t really know what people did in relationships. The only one he’d ever been in was kept very secret so there wasn’t much… courting... to be done. He focused back on Arthur and the boy rolled his eyes at him.

“No, obviously not. Glad we got that settled. Now come here sweetheart.” he said, taking Merlin by the back of the neck and shoving their lips together again. The pet name was new. Did they not just agree to not do that sort of thing? But when Merlin thought about it, he found he didn't really care.

Chapter Text

Arthur

“We’re going on a hunt,” he declared as he stepped into the physicians’ chambers.

The morning was bright and warm, sun streaming through the windows, casting a golden glow on everything it touched. Merlin was no exception, porcelain skin glistening in the morning light as he read, head resting on his palm. Arthur hated to admit he was still maddeningly pretty underneath his awful personality. With a sigh, Merlin looked up from his large volume.

“Is this a real hunt or just an excuse to drag me out somewhere to get out of what you’re supposed to be doing?” he asked and Arthur rolled his eyes. Of course it was an excuse, who would want to sit in their chambers writing stupid reports on a day like this anyways? It wasn’t like he wanted to spend more time with Merlin. He just happened to be the person he was taking with him to make it less suspicious to the King.

“Shut up,” was all he said and Merlin scoffed.

“So I’m right,” he said, boredly. “Great. When do we leave?”

“Now, preferably,” Arthur answered and Merlin cocked his head at him, narrowing his eyes. He seemed to assess Arthur for a second before his lips curled up into a small smirk.

“I know you aren’t very observant, or bright for that matter, but I’m sure you can look past your obscenely large head and realize that I’m busy,” he sassed, holding up the book for Arthur to see. Arthur gaped at him, trying to find an adequate response.

“Fuck off,” was what he resorted to. Eloquent as ever, Pendragon., he thought to himself as Merlin’s smirk grew.

“You wish,”

“How about this,” Arthur said, using his subtle political bargaining abilities to his advantage, “you can bring the book as long as you stay quiet. Deal?”

“Deal,” Merlin sighed, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

###

It didn’t take them long to reach the lakeshore, sun bouncing off the crystal blue water. Wordlessly, Arthur dismounted his horse and strode over to the rocky edge of the lake, beckoning for Merlin to do the same. He didn't really know what to do next so he sat down on the grass, facing the lake. He’d told his father he wanted to learn more about his suitresses but that was a total lie. He couldn’t be more apathetic about the marriage and he didn’t know why. It wasn’t like Arthur was opposed to getting married. He wasn’t opposed to the Princesses either though one was decidedly more bearable than the other. At least he got a choice?

Arthur sighed as his eyes scanned the calm lake surface. He glanced over to where Merlin was silently immersed back in his book to the left. His legs were crossed and he was bent over it worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. A wind blew through the clearing, rustling the leaves and greenery and sending their hair and clothes billowing lightly around them. Merlin didn’t even seem to notice when a strand of his carefully pushed back hair fell into his eyes. After what felt like forever of trying to keep his hands to himself, Arthur huffed and leaned over to tuck the curl out of his face. Merlin's head snapped up at him and he uncurled from around the book.

“What?”

“You had hair in your eyes,” Arthur said, motioning to his mop of raven hair. Merlin merely rolled his eyes before shutting the book and moving it off of his lap. Arthur didn’t miss the way a pink flush crept onto the other boy’s cheeks. He ignored it.

As Merlin moved to get up, Arthur snuck a glance at the cover and it was written in a language he didn’t recognize. The cover was illustrated with small vials and bottles of multicolored liquids. He assumed it was written for medicine. There was a rustle of fabric beside him and he looked back up, squinting against the sun, to see Merlin taking off his cloak and boots. Then, he rolled up his pants to his knees and walked over to the rocks lining the water's edge and positioned himself on the biggest one, sticking his legs into the water. He turned back and grinned at Arthur, beckoning him over. The Prince rolled his eyes but smiled despite himself, already shucking off his own boots and jacket. Once he was done, he sat down on the same large rock as Merlin, about a foot away.

“‘S nice isn’t it?” he asked as Arthur dipped his toes into the cold water. It was a refreshing contrast to the warm rock underneath them and the sun up above and he nodded.

“Not so bad, I suppose,” he answered as another light breeze blew through the area again creating small ripples on the lake’s surface. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, the smells and sounds of nature filling the air around them. Arthur leaned back on his palms and took a deep breath. Some of the tension bled out of his shoulders and he turned to Merlin. He was also leaning back on his palms with his eyes closed, facing up at the sun. His hair shone in the light and his pink lips were curled up into a small smile. He was, once again, infuriatingly pretty. It was intoxicating.

“Is King Algar your real father?” he blurted in his daze. He didn’t even know where it came from or how it came to relevance in his mind but it had and was something that was nagging at the back of his mind. Merlin opened his eyes and turned to face Arthur.

“No, I’m just his ward,” he replied before chuckling, “Though that doesn’t stop Helen and Celeste from treating me like they’re my sisters. Annoying me like ones too.”

Arthur smiled at that. It wasn’t so far from how Morgana acted toward him. At first his father had tried to separate them but she was too stubborn for that. She’d joined him on the training field the next week and had given him a run for his money in a duel. Uther was less than pleased about it but Arthur had taken to her immediately after. Though she was older by a year, he always felt protective of her. Not that she needed it of course, she had proven that within two weeks of knowing him.

“I know the feeling,” he said and Merlin returned his smile. “Morgana is a harpy,”

“She can’t be that horrible. She seems so nice.”

“Oh yes she seems it until you really get to know her,” Arthur chuckled. Merlin turned to look back out at the lake and the conversation went dead. It felt… kind of alright opening up to someone. Relating to someone. Even if that someone was more insufferable than Gwaine.

“Going back to your original question, Algar is not my father but my mum is at home with the Queen.” Merlin said, breaking the silence minutes later. He turned back to Arthur with a smile. The Prince hummed.

“And your father?” he asked. Merlin laughed but there was something bitter about it. It wasn’t a true laugh.

“No idea. Ran for it when I was young. Never came back.” he sighed and Arthur frowned because, despite his large amounts of dislike for Merlin, he knew how hard it was to grow up without a parent. It wasn’t something to tease about, he was at least better than that.

“Sorry,”

“Don’t be. If my father had wanted to come back, he would have. No one’s fault but his.” Merlin said with a shrug. Arthur hummed. Well, if it was ‘let’s be vulnerable at the lake with our enemies’ day then he wasn’t going to miss out.

“I know how you feel. Well, not exactly but I’m sure you’ve heard, I lost my mother when I was born. It’s just been my father, Morgana and I for as long as I can remember.” he shared and Merlin nodded before they both went silent. What exactly did one do after sharing something like that? Change the subject? Lighten the mood? Crawl into a hole and never be touched by the light of day again? He voted for the lighten the mood option, face forming into a smirk

“Wow Merlin, I almost thought for a second that we had something in common,” he teased and Merlin raised his eyebrows.

“Us? No way.” he deadpanned and Arthur laughed.

“Oh, I know, you’re too much of an idiot to live up to my great standard,” he nodded and Merlin rolled his eyes, suppressing a laugh of his own. God, was that his only reaction to anything?

“If you keep rolling your eyes like that they’re going to get stuck,” Arthur said and Merlin glared at him, leaning back on his palms. The spot on Arthur’s shoulder where his hand had previously been resting tingled lightly.

“You sound like my mother,” he said, turning back to face the lake with a small smile.

After that, the conversation dropped and the two sat in comfortable silence, soaking up the sunlight and listening to the sounds of nature around them, feet turning to prunes in the cool lake. Hours could have passed with the two sitting on the rock. As the sun dipped lower in the sky, Arthur ran a hand through his hair and pulled his legs out of the lake. It was getting late and if they weren’t back soon the Kings would get suspicious. At the thought of his father the bitterness returned but Arthur pushed it down. There was no point in resenting his father. What was done was done though the thought still weighed on him a little. With a sigh, he began drying his legs with his shirt sleeve. The movement made Merlin look over and then frown slightly.

“Leaving already?” he asked, squinting against the sunlight. His hair was ruffled from the wind and Arthur fought the urge to reach down and fix it. Instead he nodded silently and hopped off the rock, Merlin following suit soon after. They pulled on their shoes and jackets in silence and untied their horses from the tree they’d left them at. The ride back was just as silent. Arthur didn’t mind. It wasn’t as if he particularly enjoyed being left with his own thoughts but at least he didn’t have to deal with Merlin’s mindless prattle.

When they entered the courtyard, his father was waiting at the stairs. Something twisted in his gut but he pushed it down. It will be fine. Arthur thought to himself as they approached. He didn’t miss the way Merlin lagged behind. He wouldn’t want to deal with the King if he were Merlin either.

“Arthur, how was your hunt?” Uther asked with narrowed eyes and Arthur felt himself go cold. They were supposed to be hunting. He’d completely forgotten. And now he had nothing.

“Not exactly fruitful but, um, I learned a lot about the Princesses,” he lied quickly, dismounting to avoid his fathers eyes, hoping he would buy it. He felt a hand clap his back and he looked up to see a look of approval on his fathers face. He smiled slightly to try and look less uncomfortable.

“Good, I’m glad,” the King said, shaking him a little before letting go.

“By the way, I have invited King Algar and the Princesses to dine with us tonight. Be ready in one hour. Bring Merlin too. Maybe you can use your new charms on the ladies.” he chuckled and Arthur forced a laugh. He had no new charms. He had no idea how to woo a woman. Or a man for that matter. But that didn’t matter. Despite it, Arthur nodded to seem like he knew what he was doing and Uther turned back to the castle, thoroughly fooled.

Well, that went well.

Chapter Text

Merlin

Merlin watched as King Uther talked with the Prince and felt a wave of second hand discomfort. There was absolutely no denying Arthur was uncomfortable as all hell as the King clapped him on the back. Merlin pet his mare, listening with half an ear as Arthur faked a laugh. He cringed internally again. At last, the King walked back toward the castle and Arthur’s shoulders sagged. Merlin handed the reins of his horse to the stable hand that had come over and slid up next to Arthur.

“What did he want?” he muttered and Arthur sighed, leaning in a little to mumble a response.

“He has invited us to dinner and expects me to try to flirt with your sisters,”

“You don’t know how to flirt with my sisters,” Merlin stated, starting up the main stairs in step with the Prince. Arthur scoffed.

“No shit, Merlin,” he hissed and Merlin bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. The Prince of Camelot, famed for his beauty and skill, can’t flirt for the life of him. Who would’ve thought. As they began up the stairs, Merlin bumped Arthur’s shoulder.

“Follow me, I have an idea,”

“Oh no,”

“Shut up,”

When they reached Arthur’s chambers, Merlin shut the door behind them and clapped his hands together with a smile. Arthur leaned back on his table, eyeing him skeptically.

“Since you are so clueless, I thought I should give you a hand. And anyways, I’ve always been known to help the needy. Now is no exception.” Merlin snickered and Arthur glared at him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I hate you,” he huffed and Merlin’s grin grew.

“So you’ve said,”

Merlin cupped his hands and muttered the same spell he’d used to produce the flowers for Gwaine, just slightly less complicated. It was one of his favorites. He uncupped his hands with a smile and presented one orange flower and one yellow flower. They were pretty little things but it was better that way. Simple but effective.

“Orange for Celeste, yellow for Helen,” he said, holding them out between his fingers. Arthur’s eyes narrowed again.

“You can do better than that,” he said, upper lip curling in contempt. Merlin gaped at him, eyes flicking back and forth from the flowers in his outstretched hand and Arthur. The audacity.

“Ex- excuse me? Don’t be rude!” he sputtered, glaring up at the other boy. Arthur’s expression softened into a frown.

“What about the ones you made for Gwaine?”

“They’ll know you didn’t pick them yourself. Half of those flowers you can’t even find anywhere close to Camelot!”. Arthur sighed, eyeing the flowers in his hand again.

“Fine then give me those” he huffed, snatching them out of Merlin’s hands before turning back to his mirror. Merlin rolled his eyes. What an asshole.

“There is just no pleasing you sometimes,” he muttered and Arthur turned back to him and narrowed his eyes.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Merlin replied, throwing his hands up in surrender before striding past Arthur to the door. “We should go,”. Thankfully, Arthur nodded and followed him out of the room without protest.

###

When they got to the hall, two tables had been pushed together, creating one long table. The two Kings were seated at the head and Helen was seated at the third chair from them. There were four empty seats, both in pairs. Merlin felt a tug on his sleeve before Arthur went and sat down next to the Princess. He greeted her with a smile and a graceful “My Lady” before pulling out one of the flowers from his pocket. He handed it to her and she thanked him, blushing and beaming.

After a second, Arthur looked back at Merlin expectantly and he finally understood what the tug meant. He flashed his sister a small smile before taking his seat to the right of Arthur’s. She didn’t return his smile but that was probably because she didn’t even see it, too transfixed on the Prince. With a face like his, who wouldn’t be completely mesmerized, Merlin thought, glancing over to where Helen was batting her eyelashes at a visibly uncomfortable Arthur. He turned to King Algar, shooting him a look before glancing over to Helen and back again. The man pressed a hand against his mouth, a telltale sign he was holding back a smile.

“Helen, why don’t you go find your sister? Give the poor Prince a break.” he said with a gentle smile. She blushed fiercely before nodding and shooting up from her seat to exit the room in a hurry. Merlin partly felt bad for her. As the two Kings lapsed into light conversation Arthur leaned over and whispered into Merlin’s ear.

“Thank God she’s gone. I don’t know how much longer I can stand her for. And dinner’s just started.”. Merlin leaned in as well.

“Don’t be a prat,”. Arthur kicked him under the table. He kicked back. The two kept kicking each other until Celeste and Lady Morgana arrived, Helen trailing behind them, most likely still embarrassed. Arthur greeted Celeste with the same elegant smile and the orange flower from his pocket. She took it with a graceful expression, not quite a smile but not a frown either, before going around the table to sit on the other side with Morgana.

After that, dinner went smoothly. Uther mostly ignored him but that was alright. He made pleasant conversation with Morgana and Celeste instead, hiding a smirk every time Arthur kicked him under the table. He would do this because Helen had regained her confidence and with that her love of making flirtatious advances towards the Prince. After a particularly hard kick that he knew would at the very least break skin, Merlin grit his teeth and turned to his sister.

“Helen, go easy on the poor man. He’s going to start blushing like a girl.” he said, flashing Arthur a malice filled grin. Helen chuckled, finally turning to Celeste to strike up a conversation. The Prince leaned in again to hiss something in his ear.

“You didn’t have to put it like that, idiot,”

“Don’t ask for help if you aren't going to be nice about it. I think a thank you should do.” he hissed back, his smirk evident in his tone. Arthur pulled away and rolled his eyes but gave no thanks. When dinner was over, Uther cleared his throat from across the table and Merlin looked up at him.

“Merlin, I’m so relieved that you and Arthur get along,” he said. “You will make good diplomatic leaders when my son marries one of your sisters,”. He smiled politely at the King, hoping his mounting discomfort wasn’t showing. He glanced at Arthur who was also smiling at his father. Well, it was more like a smirk but Uther would never be able to tell. Merlin felt a touch on his left thigh. He didn’t need to glance under the table to know who’s hand it was.

“Yes, I do believe we get on quite well,” Arthur said innocently. His thumb stroked the same spot Merlin’s thigh in small, teasing circles. He fought to keep himself from glaring at the smug Prince. He also fought to keep himself from crawling into Arthur’s lap and kissing him in front of everyone. It was driving him absolutely insane. Throughout the rest of the after dinner conversation, his hand stayed. It was infuriating and extremely distracting and Merlin felt like he was either going to scream or punch Arthur square in the face. Only after the clocktower chimed 11 did Arthur finally stand up, removing his hand from Merlin’s thigh. The spot where his hand had been resting tingled. The Prince turned to Helen.

“May I walk you back to your room, my lady?” he asked her, giving Merlin an almost unnoticeable yet meaningful glance over his shoulder. Merlin left alongside Celeste, bidding her goodnight to turn down the hallway leading to Arthur’s chambers. When he arrived, the Prince still wasn't back. He leaned on the table in front of the doors, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting.

After a few minutes, the door opened and Arthur entered with a smug smile. Merlin glared at him.

“Don’t tell me you aren’t happy to see me?” he teased, stalking forward. Merlin took a good three strides forward, pushing Arthur against the door behind him. With a flash of gold, the door locked.

“You test my patience, Pendragon,” he said, poking a finger in Arthur's face who chuckled.

“It’s because I hate you and I like to see you suffer, sweetheart,”. Merlin rolled his eyes, tugging at the collar of Arthur's jacket to pull him in for a kiss. He was stopped by a finger on his lips.

“How rude. You aren’t even going to say it back?” Arthur provoked with an over-dramatic pout, voice lower than it had been moments before. Merlin ignored the swooping sensation in his stomach and stayed silent. They were glaring at each other viciously, neither letting up. He would not be the first to look away, to break the moment. But he would be the first to give in.

“I hate you too, asshole,” he muttered reluctantly. Smug satisfaction spread across Arthur’s features. He took Merlin by the shoulders and spun him around, shoving him against the door with a thud. When he got over his initial shock, Merlin scoffed at the Prince who simply smirked back down at him.

“There’s a good boy,” he breathed, leaning in. Merlin couldn’t help the hot flush that crept up from his neck to his ears as he felt Arthur’s lips brush his jaw. The Prince’s lips were soft when they finally connected with his, albeit a little chapped, but soft. That didn’t last very long as Arthur snaked his hands down to his waist and pulled them flush against each other, deepening the kiss. Merlin wound his hands around Arthur’s shoulders. It was becoming a favorite thing of his and he didn’t exactly know why.

His heart beat hard against his ribs as the snog became more desperate, a mess of slick mouths and wandering touches. It was dizzying and Merlin brought his hands up to clutch the collar of Arthur's tunic, afraid that if he didn’t the moment would slip away and be gone for good. He knew that wouldn’t happen based on the simple fact that Arthur was clutching at him with the same frantic energy Merlin was currently clutching at him but he still couldn’t help himself. He wanted it to last forever.

But when the dizziness began to come from their lack of air rather than desire, they finally pulled away to breathe. Arthur leaned forward and rested his forehead on Merlin’s shoulder, hands lowering to rest latched on his hips. There was barely a part of him the Prince that wasn’t touching. It was completely intoxicating.

“Why are you so obsessed with me?” Merlin whispered, shivering under his touch. He felt the Prince smirk against his neck.

“You know what they say; keep your friends close but your enemies? Keep them closer.”

Merlin scoffed lightly, ignoring the furious blush that was climbing up his neck, before grabbing the Prince’s shoulders and pulling him back in. This time it was his turn to lick lips open, Arthur’s jaw going slack almost instantly as he licked around inside of his mouth. Arthur’s hands came up to his upper back, cushioning it from the wooden door behind him. Merlin trailed the tip of his tongue over the roof of Arthur's mouth, marveling at the way his breath hitched. He pulled back before pressing swift kisses to Arthur’s bottom lip, the corner of his lip and up his jawline. When he reached the spot where Arthur's pulse thrummed against his neck, Merlin grazed his teeth across it, eliciting a breathy noise from the Prince. Arthur’s hands slipped out from behind him to turn his face back towards him, pressing their lips together again. A noise sounded outside that Merlin vaguely registered as the toll of the clocktower bell. He didn’t comment nor did he care.

When they finally pulled away again, it was Merlin’s turn to rest his forehead on the other boy’s shoulder. They stayed still, listening to the tolling of the bells in the clocktower outside. 1… 2… 3… 4… all the way until 12. They’d completely lost track of the time. Merlin pushed Arthur away from him. It would be awkward and much harder to explain walking around the castle in slightly disheveled dinner clothes now than any later and he was getting tired. As if on cue he brought a hand up to stifle a yawn.

“I should probably go, it’s late,” he said, taking a step out of Arthur's space. The Prince pouted and brought a hand up to stroke Merlin's cheekbone with his knuckles.

“Need your beauty sleep, do you?” he teased and Merlin deadpanned. No one liked him when he was overtired. He’d been told one too many times he was an absolute menace to deal with and if he could avoid Arthur seeing one of his most unglamorous features, he would. Not because he wanted to look perfect or anything, no they were long past that, but because the teasing would be absolutely endless if he did.

“Yes. That and the fact that if I don’t get enough sleep, I will want to skin someone alive tomorrow, most likely the person who prevented me from getting enough sleep which would technically be you. Better hope I sleep well.” he smirked, crossing the room towards the door. Arthur grabbed his wrist and he turned around.

“Arthur, I swear to all the Gods, I will-” he began but the Prince held up a hand to silence him.

“No, no, I totally understand it’s just do you, by any chance, know how to become invisible? Or something akin to it?” Arthur asked hesitantly. Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, racking his brains for a spell of that sort. Nothing.

“... No. Why?”

“It’s just that if people see you coming out of my chambers in the middle of the night they might start to… talk,” he said and Merlin understood the implication immediately. It wasn’t like they’d be too wrong. But, really, did the whole castle need to know they were snogging?

“So you’re saying I’m stuck here. With you.” he deadpanned for the second time. Arthur let go of his wrist and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t like it any more than you do,” he sighed. Merlin shrugged. It could be worse.

“Alright but I’m taking your bed,” he said simply. There was no way he was taking the floor. Arthur made a choking noise before recovering and clearing his throat.

“And what gives you the right? I could say no.” he challenged. Merlin crossed his arms over his chest. It wasn’t like it was his fault in the first place. Why did Arthur have to be such a prat about everything?

“Fine. If you’re going to be like that then we’ll just have to share.” he said, heaving an over dramatic sigh, resting his hands on his hips. Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face before shaking his head.

“Fine, fine. Whatever you say. Just stay to your side.” he warned and Merlin smirked internally. He’d gotten his way. And it wasn’t like he was going to particularly enjoy sharing with the Prince but it was a damn sight better than sleeping on the floor. Then he was reminded of his words from a few weeks ago. No boyfriend things. Well, he hardly thought sharing a bed was inherently romantic. Friends did it all the time. Enemies? He wasn’t so sure but he pushed the thought from his mind and began unlacing his boots instead.

Next came his favorite cloak, his silver brooches and his belt and before he knew it, he and Arthur were settled awkwardly next to each other. This was much worse than he thought it would be. The bed was big enough for them to have enough room so that if they tossed and turned in the night, they would barely even touch but it was still awkward. After many, many minutes of lying in silence, Arthur huffed from his side. Merlin turned his head to look at him.

“You can’t sleep either?” he asked quietly.

“I wonder why,” Arthur snapped and Merlin rolled his eyes. He’d somehow temporarily forgotten just how much of a prat the Prince was, despite his good looks and his even better kissing ability.

“This was your idea so I can hardly see why you're allowed to complain,”

“Shut up, Merlin,”

He rolled his eyes. There was a pause before Merlin asked,

“Do you like flowers?”. Arthur turned his head to look at him with a look of confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, I know you did. Now answer the question, Pendragon.” he prodded. Arthur scoffed.

“No, obviously not, Merlin, I’m not a girl,” he sneered. Merlin huffed at him.

“Gods, Arthur, you don’t have to be so mean about everything,”

“Stop being sensitive,”

“Shut up, Arthur,” Merlin murmured before turning his head back to stare up at the red canopy that draped over the Prince’s bed. He suspected Arthur had finally managed to fall asleep after minutes of no response. Or rather no snide comment or surly retort.

“Daisies. They were my mothers favorite.” came Arthur’s voice, quiet enough he almost didn’t hear it. Merlin looked back over at him and found that he was already looking. Maybe he never looked away in the first place. Merlin smiled slightly.

“I’ve always liked forget-me-nots. They’re nice.”

“I can see it. You seem like a blue fanatic.” Arthur noted and Merlin hummed. He only wore so much blue because Carenid’s colors were mainly blue and silver but he supposed he liked it enough for his favorite cloak to be of that color.

“I actually prefer the purple ones but blue is alright too,” he said and Arthur smirked.

“Well, it doesn’t matter because daisies will be infinitely better anyways,”. Merlin scoffed.

“They will not,”

“Will too,” Arthur whispered with a smile. Merlin couldn’t help but smile despite himself.

“Will not. Not ever.” he said with an air of finality.

“We’ll see about that,” Arthur smirked and he rolled his eyes.

“Sure,” he said, turning away. He heard Arthur do the same and though the space between them felt less tense, it was still hard to sleep. He could hear Arthur tossing and turning beside him and before he knew it half an hour had passed. He began to feel uncomfortable so he turned back around and almost startled to see Arthur staring straight at him.

“Lords above, Arthur, why are you staring at me?” he hissed and Arthur shrugged.

“Looks like you still couldn’t sleep either,”

“Well at least I was trying,” he huffed. They fell silent, staring at each other in some sort of unspoken staring contest. The Prince was still handsome, he noted, and still infuriatingly so. He was too arrogant to have a nice face. It was annoying. He didn’t know how long they sat there before Arthur broke the silence again.

“If you don’t like hunting, what do you like?”. Merlin didn’t have to think long before he answered.

“Learning. I like reading and I like practicing my magic, among other things. As you can probably tell I like learning medicine and I like reading about history, again among other things.” he said with a slight smile. Arthur seemed to think for a second before nodding.

“Nerd,” he ribbed and Merlin scoffed.

“Jock,” he quipped. They glared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. Merlin covered his mouth with his hands to muffle the sound as the Prince smiled toothily at him.

“God, we’re awful,” Arthur laughed.

“Oh totally. I don’t know how anyone puts up with us,”

“I don’t know how I put up with you,”

“And I you,” Merlin sassed. Arthur sighed and his smile fell a little. There was a pause and Merlin took a breath. After a minute, he was sure Arthur had finally fallen asleep before the Prince spoke up again.

“Do you ever get lonely?” he asked earnestly. Merlin stopped to think about it. Did he get lonely? There were so many people always bustling about the castle so it seemed near impossible. And he did hang around Helen and Celeste quite a bit. But sure, it could get lonely in all of the empty, quiet rooms and halls away from the general hustle and bustle. But everything buzzed. Life was all around. Though Arthur probably wouldn’t know what he was talking about.

“Sometimes. I spend a lot of time with the forest. It’s full of magic so you never really feel too alone even if you’re by yourself. Like a constant buzz.”. Arthur hummed and Merlin shrugged the best he could while staying in his curled up position. “I suppose you wouldn’t feel it, would you. Do you? Ever get lonely I mean.”

Arthur paused, mouth opening and closing once or twice before he took a deep breath. Merlin shifted closer slightly. He didn’t know why he did it. Maybe to comfort Arthur? Just for the sake of it? Arthur didn’t seem to notice before he started to talk, so softly Merlin had to get even closer just to be able to hear him.

“All the time. You’d think because the castle was so full at all times, you’d be surrounded. But that’s the thing. When you’re finally alone, you realize how big everything is and how small you truly are. You have your own quarters, your own duties, practically your own life away from what others are doing. There’s just… so much. But no one to share it with, y’know?” Arthur whispered. Merlin reached a hand out and put it on his.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. Well, once you get married, that is.” he reassured him. It didn’t seem to work as Arthur sighed.

“But in the meantime?” he asked. Merlin smiled at him a bit but he didn’t return it.

“In the meantime, you have me. Even though I don’t particularly like you, as you know.”. This time Arthur did return his smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. His hand closed over Merlin’s.

“Glad we feel the same,” he said with a slight chuckle. His eyes fluttered closed and Merlin’s did the same. And so hand in hand, sleep finally took them.

Arthur

When Arthur woke, the first thing he noticed was that his arm was asleep. Very, very asleep, though the rest of him was awake. And it was tingling like all hell. The next thing he noticed was that there was definitely an arm around him, coming from the same side as his tingling arm. He peeled his eyes open and instantly spotted a mop of black curls in the corner of his eye to his left. So, the mystery of why his arm was asleep had been solved. He was being cuddled. And was cuddling back, he noted as he realized his very awake right arm was draped across Merlin’s middle. Exciting, he thought sarcastically. He turned his head slightly and was met with the sight of a very asleep Merlin. A part of Arthur wanted to shove him off but it was overwhelmed by the part of him that screamed about how absolutely precious Merlin looked in the morning light.

His long eyelashes cast shadows on his porcelain cheeks which were dotted with light freckles. As Arthur’s eyes roamed over his face, he noticed more freckles along his chin and jaw that he hadn’t noticed before. One of Merlin’s arms was tucked under his head and the other was, like Arthur had previously noted, flung across his chest as he crushed Arthur’s arm. His unruly curls stuck up in what looked like a million different directions with some falling over his eyes. Arthur slowly reached up with the arm that Merlin wasn’t squashing and carefully tucked a lock behind his ear before placing his hand back around the other boy.

He couldn’t think about anything else. Not about how they’d promised not to do this kind of thing and not how damning it would be if they were caught. His mind was clouded by thoughts of Merlin, Merlin, Merlin and how beautiful he really was, no matter how annoying. Oh, how Arthur would do literally anything for him so long as he asked. And, sure, he hated him, he was insufferable but, God, Arthur was such a fool for this boy it was driving him insane. And in one fellow swoop he came to the realization.

He was in love.

It wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be. Every scoff, every insult, every kiss was I love you. Inescapable. Unavoidable. And completely unplanned. But then came the issue of his marriage and everything came crashing down. How would he ever get around it? He didn’t have time to figure it out because Merlin’s soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Why are you staring at me, Pendragon?” he asked, voice slurred with sleep. Arthur panicked at being caught. He just needed a proper excuse. He didn’t want to reveal his feelings just yet.

“You look horrid when you sleep,” he blurted before cringing internally. Not what he wanted to say and definitely not what he was thinking. Merlin rolled his eyes before they fluttered shut again.

“Sure, uh huh, totally,” he said, tone dripping with sarcasm. “I know what you’re really thinking,” he accused. Arthur felt himself blush and thanked every God he knew the name of, that Merlin’s eyes were closed.

“And what is that?” he asked. Merlin smiled softly and Arthur had to try hard to stop himself from kissing him right there and then.

“You secretly think I’m the handsomest,”

“The handsomest what? The handsomest demon from hell? Because, I don’t know if you know, but that isn’t cute, sweetheart.” he teased and Merlin frowned over exaggeratedly, opening his eyes again.

“No. The handsomest person. You think I look soooo great.” he said confidently, propping his chin on Arthur’s shoulder.

“What are you trying to do, hypnotize me?” he laughed and Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s shoulder, most likely to hide the blush that was already creeping onto his cheeks and ears.

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m bullying you. That’s what I’m doing. Because I hate you.” he murmured, though it lacked heat and Arthur could feel him smiling against his shoulder. He smiled too, before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Merlin’s head.

“Ok sure,” he said before they lapsed back into silence. It was nice, being so close to someone. He’d been longing for even a simple touch and now that he was being given an abundance of it, he couldn’t get enough. Sure, it was pathetic but he was the Prince. Shouldn’t he be allowed to get what he wanted sometimes?

“You know,” Arthur started again, with a smirk, “even though that birds nest that you seem to think is hair is up my nose and you’re one hundred percent drooling all over me and probably have been all night, you are quite a lovely cuddle buddy,” he said and he meant it. Merlin was warm and soft and his breaths tickled Arthur’s shoulder, making it tingle slightly. Uther was never a big hugger and neither was Morgana. It was almost as if touch was the only luxury he wasn’t privy to. Merlin looked back up at him- or rather glared up at him- resting his chin back on Arthur’s shoulder.

“I don’t drool,” he scoffed and Arthur’s smirk grew.

“You do to,”

“Well you snore,” Merlin countered and it was Arthur’s turn to scoff at him.

“I do not, how dare you suggest that,”

“You do, I was up half the night listening to you. It’s horrible.”

“No you weren’t, don’t lie,”

Merlin huffed and tucked his head back into the crook of Arthur’s neck again and the Prince began tracing shapes on the back of his tunic. He didn’t know how long they stayed that way, only that he knew he could stay like that forever. But, eventually, the spell was broken when Merlin tried to wiggle out of his arms.

“I should leave,”

“It’s too early, no one’s even awake yet,”

“That’s precisely why I should go,”

“Probably,” he sighed after a moment, finally loosening his hold. Merlin climbed out of the bed, bringing his warmth with him and Arthur watched as he slipped on his boots and cloak before he came back to the table beside the bed to collect his accessories. He slipped the silver jewelry into his pockets before turning back to Arthur. He seemed to hesitate for a second before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on Arthur’s cheek. Then, he left the room without saying a word.

Arthur sat there, a bashful blush on his cheeks. He reached up to touch where Merlin's lips had touched his cheek. It was still tingling.

Chapter Text

Merlin

If he were to have written a list of things he predicted he would do before he died, waking up in the Prince of Camelot’s arms would not have been on it. But it was a rather welcome surprise.

The day after their night spent together, Merlin was reading at his desk when there was a knock on his door. A part of him hoped it was Arthur but he squashed that feeling quickly. The Prince had better things to be doing. When he opened the door, he was met with the smiling face of Lady Morgana’s maid, Gwen. She was holding a bouquet of white flowers in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.

“From a secret admirer, sire,” she said as he took the flowers and note, confused.

“Do you know who it’s really from?” he asked and she shrugged.

“No idea, sorry,” she apologized. She seemed just as confused as he was. Merlin nodded.

“Ok, well thank you anyways,” he said before closing the door. He placed the flowers down on his table before opening the note.

Forever better.

There was no signature but the handwriting was the unmistakable neat scrawl of the very Prince he had just been thinking about. When he looked back at the flowers, they were all daisies. Merlin scoffed. Fine, if Arthur was going to be like that, then he would too. He summoned up the biggest bouquet of purple forget-me-nots he could and grabbed the note, scribbling out Arthur’s words.

Don’t test me, dollophead.

He wrote underneath before going out into the hallway and stopping a servant who was passing by.

“Could you deliver these directly to the Prince please? There’s no need to concern the King or anyone else, it's just a sample for the wedding.” he lied easily and the servant nodded and smiled, taking both the flowers and note out of his hands. He thanked the boy before heading back to his book with a satisfied smirk.

###

The next morning, he found a single daisy on his bedside table when he woke. There was also a note. When he opened it, he saw that it was the same note as before. His writing had been crossed out, like he’d done to Arthur’s and below it was more writing.

Dollophead? Is that a real word or just something you made up in Merlin-land, idiot?

Merlin scoffed. Sure, it was a made up word but it fit Arthur perfectly. He summoned up two of his favorite purple flowers and scratched out an insult of his own.

It fits you perfectly, prat. In fact, it fits you so well that its definition, in two words, would have to be “Arthur Pendragon”.

###

The next two days passed without another flower incident and Merlin thought Arthur had actually forgotten. But no, his peace was disturbed when the Prince himself stepped into his room while he was practicing his regeneration. The door banged open and the pot he was trying to work on fell to the ground with a smash. The parts duplicated on the floor. Good enough, he thought, turning to face Arthur.

“What do you want from me?” he asked with a glare. Arthur smirked at him

“Just wanted to hand deliver a special gift,” he said with poorly feigned innocence before he pulled his hand from behind his back. In his hand was a small pot filled with dirt and a single, white daisy and he held it up for Merlin to see before promptly dropping it, letting the pot smash and dirt fly everywhere. If Merlin’s magic wasn’t so tired he’d have stopped it mid air but seeing as he’d just been practicing, his spell didn’t reach the poor thing fast enough. He gaped at Arthur.

“What did you do that for?” he exclaimed as Arthur cackled at him.

“Have fun cleaning that up,” he smirked as he sauntered out of the room. In a wave of his hand and a muttered spell, Merlin cleaned up the mess. Sure, it was easy, but it was still annoying. Especially the way Arthur had come in to do it himself. A note and a few flowers wasn’t going to do the trick this time.

That night, Merlin took a trip to Arthur’s chambers when he knew the Prince was eating dinner with his father. Instead of doing something large and immediately noticeable, he went straight for Arthur’s closet, searching for the casual jacket Arthur usually donned. When he found it he summoned a few forget-me-nots still on their roots and planted it in the right pocket along with a note.

Have fun, clotpole.

Then, he cast his newly refined regeneration spell and hung the jacket behind his screen to make sure the Prince would wear it. He left and went back to his room to enjoy his dinner. Now all he had to do was wait.

###

Just as he’d planned, Arthur came bursting into his room the next day, clutching at least 5 flowers in each hand. He was wearing the enchanted coat. Merlin could see more poking out from his pocket and he smirked.

“Having fun?” he sneered as Arthur glared at him.

“Undo the spell, Merlin,” he commanded, throwing the flowers onto the desk in front of him. Merlin tapped a finger to his chin in a display of over exaggerated thought before he spoke.

“No, I don't think I will,” he said simply, returning to the book in his hand. Said book was promptly snatched from his hands and he stood up, reaching out for it. Arthur pulled it out of his reach and he scoffed. “Give it back, Pendragon or I swear to the Gods I-”

“Not until you undo the spell and get rid of these blasted flowers,” the Prince interrupted. Merlin went around the table and tried to make another grab for the book but Arthur held it up above his head. “Uh uh. Not yet. Flowers go first.”. He made his way over to the fire that was burning a few paces away and held the book close to it.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing! It’s going to catch on fire!” he warned and Arthur nodded.

“Very good, Merlin. Glad to know you know the consequence if you don’t get rid of these damned flowers.” he said, deadly calm. At once Merlin cast the spell and, once he’d checked his pockets again, Arthur returned the book.

“That's my boy,” he glared before closing the door in Merlin’s face.

###

The next morning, Merlin got an invitation to go speak to King Algar so instead of retaliating for almost burning his book, as he’d planned, he made his way over to the King’s chambers. The man called for him to enter when he knocked so Merlin made his way inside.

“Merlin, it’s good to see you again,” he said and Merlin nodded.

“It’s good to see you too, my lord. What was it that you needed to speak to me about?”

As it turned out, the King just wanted to know how he was doing and how the wedding preparations were coming along. It was a simple conversation but it was good to catch up as Arthur would have to be making a decision in just another month. Time had passed so much faster than Merlin had thought it would and sometimes he just didn’t want it to end. Some part of him wished Arthur weren’t getting married. Then maybe when he left, they’d be able to keep in touch. He liked the Prince, maybe a little more than he’d vowed he would but it was alright. He deserved nice things once and a while.

When they were finished talking, Merlin made his way back to his chambers to plot Arthur's demise. But when he opened the doors, he immediately stopped in his tracks and gaped silently at what he found. White daisies lined every available surface, including his pile of nice books and parchment. He could practically smell the pollen that was coming off of all of the daisies and ruining his things. On his desk sat a note and he crossed the room to read it.

Fuck you, sweetheart.

He had to do something and he had to do it now. He had to kill Arthur Pendragon.

With another exasperated glance around the flower filled room, Merlin turned to the door, entering into the hallway. He stopped abruptly, thankfully not crashing into the figure that was walking by. He smiled when Gwen looked up at him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, my lord. I didn’t mean to be in your way.” she apologized quickly. He shook his head in reassurance.

“No harm done. It was my fault for coming into the hallway when I did.”. They smiled at each other for a second before he turned down the hallway towards the Prince’s chambers. The maid also turned that way, walking a little behind him. Merlin slowed to walk beside her.

“Do you, by any chance, know who Arthur is planning on marrying?” he asked, thinking back on the conversation they’d had a while back. She shook her head, hoisting the basket she was carrying higher up on her hip.

“I’m not privy to that kind of private knowledge, I’m afraid,” she said. Merlin smiled at her. He knew she was closer to Uther’s son and ward than she let on.

“Ok but if you had to make a guess. Because you’re friends.” he prodded, a mischievous smirk forming on his lips. Gwen turned to him and slowly returned the smirk.

“If you want my opinion, my lord, I honestly couldn’t say. In fact it almost seems as if-” she looked around to make sure the hall was empty and lowered her voice, beckoning him closer. “- As if he doesn’t like either of them. Hell, Lady Morgana and I would even go as far as to say he likes you more than either Princesses.” she laughed quietly. Merlin grinned at her in disbelief.

“Well then,” he said, still trying to process. That didn’t explain why Arthur avoided the question. He looked back at Gwen and her smile faded.

“I’m sorry, have I overstepped? I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to, my lord, it’s-” she began rambling. Merlin stopped her with a gesture of his hand and a soft smile. She was exactly as Arthur had described. Sweet and a little shy with a strong personality lurking underneath the layers of decorum. He liked it.

“No, Gwen, you didn’t overstep, don’t worry. I was just deep in thought. Also, I’d like for us to be friends. But only if you’d like. It’s just you seem so… nice.” he said for lack of a better word. He shot her an awkward smile, hoping he didn’t come off too strangely.

“Of course! Arthur speaks of you often according to Morgana. Says he scarcely wants to talk of something else. You seem to have captivated him, sire.”. He opened and closed his mouth. Captivated?

“I hardly think captivated is the word for it. He’s always saying he hates me. And I hate him too. Obviously.”. Gwen smiled.

“My lord-” she started but he cut her off.

“None of that,” Merlin said, waving his hand. She ducked her head, confused. He realized how that might have come off and his eyes widened.

“Oh no, Gwen I didn’t mean you. I’m so sorry, I meant the titles. I’ve never cared for them. I’m no Lord, I’m just Merlin. No need for the decorum. We’re friends aren’t we?” he explained hastily. She looked up at him, still confused.

“Well it’d be hardly appropriate-”

“Who cares for appropriateness anymore? I certainly don’t. And you called both the Prince and the King’s ward by their names so what’s the difference?” he asked with a grin. She returned his smile.

“Alright then, Merlin,” she said. When the two got to Arthur’s door, he stopped, remembering his original mission. To kill the Prince. She turned back to look at him.

“This is where I leave you, unfortunately. It’s been great talking to you. Now I’m off to murder the Prince for filling my room with flowers. I suppose I did fill his pockets with other regenerating flowers… but that’s not enough to warrant all the pollen on my books is it?...” he trailed off. “Anyways it’s been a pleasure but I really must go. Goodbye Gwen.” he said, turning to open the door to Arthur’s chambers, unaware of her suspicious smirk. He was also unaware of the fact that he’d just given her and Morgana gossip material for the week. He was too focused on the bloody daisies in his bloody room, getting bloody pollen on all of his nice books.

Merlin stormed into the room, shutting the door behind him with magic. Arthur looked up from whatever he was reading at his desk with an amused smirk.

“I see you got my gift,”

“Fuck you,” he spat, crossing his arms over his chest. Arthur threw his head back in a laugh and Merlin had to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling. He was supposed to be angry, not… captivated.

“Oh how very elegant. Is this you surrendering?” the Prince asked. He allowed himself to smirk, leaning on the desk with his palms.

“You wish. No, this is me calling a truce,”. He leaned in and kissed Arthur once, twice, before pulling back to cross his arms again. Arthur let out a burst of surprised laughter as Merlin turned towards the exit

“Anything else I can help you with or was that all?” the Prince called, amused, as he walked to the door. Merlin flipped him off as he walked out of the room. He could hear Arthur laughing as he shut the door behind him. As he turned down the hallway, he couldn’t stop a stupid smile from making it’s way onto his face. Captivated, hm.

Chapter Text

In the next week, life seemed to move slowly, filled with stolen glances in the time they barely had with each other. Arthur was busy wooing the Princesses and training and Merlin was busy studying and spending more and more time with Gwen and Morgana. Honestly, it was nice. He was happy to have friends in the castle that weren’t just his sisters and two old physicians sick of his rambling but too nice to say so. He was also a sucker for gossip and the girls seemed to have an abundance. He wrote frequent letters to his mother and found himself doodling daisies on the corners of his paper which he would hastily scribble out.

And if he had a small crush on the Prince? Well, no one needed to know.

###

One morning Arthur set out for a two day patrol with his knights. Merlin thought nothing of it, Carenid’s knights and mages did that all the time, so he went about his day like usual. That was until the third night the party still hadn’t returned and he was pacing in Morgana’s chambers with his fingernails between his teeth.

“Merlin, sit down, you're going to make yourself dizzy,” Gwen said gently and Morgana nodded her agreement.

“The party’s been late before. I’m sure they’ll be alright.” she reassured him and he finally flopped down into a chair beside her, barely convinced. There was blood coming out from under his now too short pinky nail and he tried to staunch it on the hem of his tunic. It would be fine, he told himself. He’d seen Arthur train over the months he’d been in Camelot. He could take care of himself. But some part of him couldn’t help but worry.

Six days after the party set out, Merlin knew he was right to have worried. There was no word from Arthur of his knights and even Uther was getting worried, sending out smaller search parties to look for the men along the borders. Everything seemed jumbled and confusing and he couldn’t focus on anything. Algar seemed to notice this and called him into his chambers later that day.

“Merlin, my boy, are you quite alright?” he asked and Merlin put on his best smile.

“Of course, my lord. I’m just a little tired today, I apologize.” he lied but the King made a face that indicated he didn’t believe him. The man heaved a sigh.

“I understand I’m not a suitable substitute for your mother but I am your guardian. I hope you know you can tell me things.” he told him and Merlin froze. He felt guilty for not telling Algar what was troubling him but he also didn’t know how to explain it. He decided to be semi-honest and hoped Algar wouldn’t pry.

“I don’t know how exactly to describe it,” he said slowly, looking down at his bitten and red fingernails. Algar chuckled a little.

“You really care about him, don’t you?” he asked and Merlin looked up at him, eyes wide. “I understand you two are close, maybe closer than I originally thought, but don’t fret. He’ll be back to you soon, I’m sure of it.” he smiled. Merlin couldn’t help but smile back, letting out an internal sigh of relief.

“Now you should probably get back to your duties. Lots to do before your Prince’s big day.” the King said kindly. Merlin nodded, a smile still present on his face.

“Of course,” he turned to go before turning back, “Thank you,” he said before leaving the room.

“Maybe they’re right. Maybe he’ll be totally fine.” Merlin mused to himself under his breath as he walked back down the hallway. He waved at Helen as she flitted past and she smiled at him before returning to the shorter girl struggling to keep up with her insane pace. The girl’s arms were full of fabric and Helen was rambling about something to do with yellow dresses with flowers on the hemming and it suddenly hit him that maybe he was the only one so worried about the Prince. Sure, some were on edge but not like he was.

He flopped down onto his bed with a sigh. His legs dangled off the sides but that was alright, he wasn’t planning on sleeping. Just thinking. About Arthur- Gods, he was acting like a lovesick fool. It took him a second to realize the exact nature of his thoughts and he shot up into a sitting position.

He wasn’t in love. He wasn’t. And he knew because a) Arthur was a prat. Sure he was attractive, funny, thoughtful, a good kisser- ok he needed to stop- and b) he wasn’t allowed. They weren’t allowed.

But... some nagging part of him knew that he was wrong, that, after everything he’d pledged to himself, he was in love with Arthur. And it was frustrating. But there was also something nice about it. The funny little feeling of giddiness that came with all of its funny little complications. And he supposed it was good enough for him.

###

So, in good lovesick fool fashion, he sat at a window, waiting for his heart to return. And that window just happened to be in the very Prince he was waiting for’s chamber. Merlin could almost laugh at how stupid it was. If only he wasn't so worried. He just wished Arthur would return soon. His poor nails deserved a break.

And as if the Gods had heard his silent prayer, the sound of hooves on cobblestone filled the courtyard along with 6 figures in their Pendragon red cloaks. Merlin lit up. 5 knights, 1 Arthur. Finally. He watched as Helen ran down the stairs to greet him and flung into his arms. Something akin to jealousy sparked in his heart as Arthur slowly and reluctantly placed his arms around her as well. Merlin hadn’t even known she was waiting for him too. Maybe she was more worried about him than she looked.

As if sensing him watching, Arthur looked up and locked eyes with Merlin before peeling Helen off as gently as he could and rushing up the stairs. In no time, he walked seemingly calmly into his chambers, barely shutting the door behind him before Merlin had his arms around him. And when Arthur placed his arms around Merlin, there was no hesitation, no reluctance. Just relief. When they finally pulled away from each other, they did so almost unwillingly.

“Where were you?” Merlin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Arthur smirked down at him.

“Were you worried about me?” he asked, half teasing, half genuine. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“No, now answer the question Pendragon,”

“We encountered some bandits in one of the bordering villages,” he said and Merlin’s gave him a once over to make sure he wasn’t hurt. It didn’t look like it but he couldn’t know for sure. Before he could even open his mouth, Arthur held up a hand.

“And before you ask, yes, I’m alright. It’s going to take much more than a few thieves to finish me off.” he said before glancing down and spotting Merlin’s wrecked fingers.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed then added. “See I knew you worried for me,” with a small smirk, though there was something else Merlin couldn’t pinpoint underneath. Something that almost sounded like pity or maybe even care. He yanked his hand away and held it close to his chest, curled tight into a ball to hide his chewed up fingertips.

“Well, that’s none of your business,” he said, a little more sharply than intended. Arthur frowned at him and gently reached out and took his hand again. Merlin didn’t know why he let him. He just did. Arthur slowly brought his hand up to his lips and kissed all of his fingertips in turn. Not once did he break eye contact with Merlin, not even when he reached down and took his other hand, holding up and doing the same he had to the other one. Merlin could feel a furious flush creeping up his neck and his heart stuttered in his chest. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, trying to find his voice.

“Thank you,” he said quietly and Arthur brought his hand up to his lips again to press a kiss to his knuckles before letting go, allowing Merlin’s hand fall back to the side.

“My pleasure,” he muttered back. The room felt hot, though the window was still open where he’d left it and he swallowed hard. Arthur looked absolutely stunning in the low evening light and it made Merlin want to do stupid, stupid things. Like confessing his new found feelings. Just as he worked up the courage to open his mouth, there was a knock at the door and they both jumped at the sound. Arthur crossed the room and opened the door to see Morgana standing in the doorway. Her eyes traveled past Arthur and landed on Merlin who was standing where the Prince had left him.

“Merlin, I was wondering where you’d gone off to,” she smiled, completely ignoring the Prince in the doorway. He realized it was deliberately as Arthur scoffed and she began to laugh at him. “You look well,” she said simply as Merlin crossed the room towards her. She linked her arm around his and began dragging him off down the hallway.

“Oh I’m doing great, thanks for asking” Arthur called after them and by that point Merlin and Morgana were wearing matching smirks. The tension that had accumulated between him and Arthur from before she’d knocked had dissipated already. Morgana turned around, flashed him a cat like grin, and said

“Oh wow I would have never guessed,”. The Prince scoffed again and Merlin turned around to blow him a teasing kiss. He and Morgana laughed as they retreated down the hallway. Thinking back on the tender moment from back in Arthur’s chambers made him feel hot and flushed again and Merlin was secretly grateful for the escape. He didn’t know what he would have done if Morgana had come just a minute later but he knew he was glad she hadn’t.

Chapter Text

Arthur

It had been about a week since he’d gotten back from the long patrol and he couldn’t stop thinking about Merlin. Merlin who waited at the window for him, Merlin who worried for him, Merlin who let him kiss his wounded fingertips without saying a word against it. Merlin who did things to Arthur that set his heart on fire. How was he to cope? How was he to think? How was he to focus? When all he wanted to do was long for something- someone he promised he’d never have?

He supposed he’d go crazy.

###

As it was the Mabon season, King Algar and his father decided to host a ball. Why in God's name they needed or wanted to, Arthur would never know. He just knew that he would have to stand around in stuffy, fancy clothes because he was the Prince and he would be expected to attend. Morgana had gone off to dance so he had no one to distract him. He’d thought about talking to Merlin but decided against it because every time he thought about him Arthur’s heart sped up and he felt flushed and warm. Sometimes he hated feelings. After what he guessed was an hour, his father came to stand beside him.

“Arthur, how are you enjoying the ball?” he asked. Arthur turned to look at him.

“Just fine, father,” he lied easily, plastering on his best court smile. Uther raised his eyebrows at him in disbelief.

“Really? You haven’t danced all night. One might think you aren't enjoying yourself. Go dance with someone. Perhaps Princess Helen? Or Princess Celeste?”

“Yes,” he nodded, “Perhaps,”

When Uther asked for things, he knew they weren’t requests. Arthur turned away from his father and walked off into the crowd. He didn’t want to dance with either of the Princesses. Arthur didn’t want to dance at all. But his father expected him to dance so that’s what he’d do. He considered asking Morgana to dance but she was already twirling her maid across the dance floor so his next best option was… Merlin. He sighed internally but really there was no one he’d rather dance with now that he thought of it. Arthur shook his head and spotted Helen in the crowd. He walked up to her and her face lit up.

“Do you know where I could find Merlin?” he asked. Her face fell immediately and she pointed across the room to where Merlin was leaning against a pillar watching the dancers, drink in hand. Arthur turned back to thank her but she had already stormed off. He shrugged and made his way across the floor, dodging various guests and dancers in the process.

When he got to Merlin, it was only then that he could truly take the sight of him in. and God, he nearly stopped in his tracks. He was wearing a pearl white blue tunic with dark trousers and had ditched his signature cloak for a glittering baby blue one. His wrists and neck were adorned with silver and white jewels that matched those of his circlet and dangling earrings. Black shadow lined his eyes and made their crystal blue stand out. He was fucking gorgeous. Quickly Arthur shook his head to rid himself of the perfect distraction that was Merlin’s outfit and walked forward, sticking out his hand with what he hoped was a bored expression.

“Never thought you to be the dancing type,” Merlin remarked, a smug smile forming on his lips. Arthur glanced at his father who was laughing with Gaius and Alice and a few other nobles he recognized from court.

“I’m not. Father is making me.”

“So you decided to choose me?” he sassed. Arthur rolled his eyes and shook his outstretched hand. Yes, yes he had decided to choose Merlin. But was he going to admit that? Hell no.

“Shut up and let me get this over with,”

“As you wish, sire,”. Merlin took his hand, placing his goblet on a nearby table, and Arthur led him onto the floor just in time for the next song to start. It was a waltz.

“You do know how to waltz, don’t you?” Arthur asked and Merlin nodded, a bored expression already forming on his face.

“I was brought up a noble, just like you, of course I know how to waltz,”. Arthur nodded his approval and brought their intertwined hands up to shoulder level. He placed his other hand on Merlin’s waist, tugging him closer.

“What are you doing?” Merlin hissed and now it was Arthur’s turn to smile smugly.

“I’m leading, sweetheart,” he smirked.

Merlin glared at him and placed the hand that wasn’t in Arthur’s, on his shoulder as they began to dance. As they swung around the room, in formation with the other dancing duos, Arthur looked around. He locked eyes with Morgana who was dancing with Gwen. The shorter girl was trying to keep up as Morgana gracefully danced her around the room and she was doing rather well. When Morgana got close enough to the two for the Prince to see, she cocked her head in Merlin's direction and winked. Arthur scoffed at her before his face was turned back in Merlin’s direction with two fingers on his jaw.

“Attention whore,” he muttered and Merlin rolled his eyes. He seemed to be very fond of doing that. Too fond, in Arthur’s opinion.

“If you keep rolling your eyes like that they’re going to get stuck,” he chimed, turning his attention back to their waltz.

“I hate you,” Merlin retaliated with a false sweet smile, batting his eyelashes the way Arthur hated.

###

Arthur took Merlin by the collar and shoved him against the wall, smashing their lips together hungrily. The dance had ended 10 minutes ago and he and Merlin had slipped out of the hall when nobody was watching. The two had hidden away in a broom closet where they were sure no one would find them, though Merlin magicked the door locked just in case. Arthur thread his hand into the back of Merlin’s hair and tugged, eliciting a whimper from him. Arthur cupped the side of his jaw with his other hand Merlin wound his arms around his neck. They pulled away, gasping for breath but not straying far, resting their foreheads together. Merlin tugged him back in for another kiss but as he heard the next song begin, Arthur pulled away, pulling himself completely out of Merlin’s reach. The boy scoffed.

“You can’t just kiss me like that and then walk away, Pendragon!”

“But I just did,” Arthur smirked. Merlin ran his hands through his tousled hair and smoothed down his tunic. He put his silver circlet back on from where it was hanging off his elbow.

“Well now I look like a right mess and who’s fault is that? Surely not mine.” he bleated, crossing his arms over his chest to half-heartedly glare at his not-boyfriend. Arthur stepped closer and wiped up some of the devastatingly gorgeous black eyecolor that had smudged under his eyes with the tip of his thumb.

“All my fault,” he purred. “Alllll mine, sweetheart,”

Then, Arthur turned away and smoothed out his own clothes before walking to the door of the closet as if nothing had happened. When Merlin didn’t follow, he turned back and shot him a false sweet smile.

“Well, are you coming? Or are you just going to stand in here all night?”. Merlin shook his head and followed him out of the room. As the two walked back into the ballroom, someone cleared their throat.

“Arthur… A word please?”. Arthur turned to see his father staring at him from a few paces away. He swallowed hard and squeezed Merlin’s elbow discreetly before walking towards his father. The King led him to a corner of the room that no one was milling around and Arthur knew he was going to be scolded.

“Yes, father?”

“When I said dance with someone I meant with one of your future wives. I’m glad you and Algar’s boy-” he spat the last bit out bitterly, “-get along but he is not the one you will marry. Try to show more interest in the women, not the men.”

Arthur nodded, blank-faced, as Uther rambled. He’d fallen victim to this lecture too many times in his teenage years. Morgana had too, but not as much as Arthur had as she was always better at hiding her feelings than him. He wanted to leave. He wanted to talk to Merlin who had been dragged away by Morgana and Gwen shortly after he’d been called by his father. He really just wanted it to be over already.

Merlin

Arthur squeezed his elbow softly and went over to his father who was calling him. He rolled his eyes and was immediately reminded of what he’d told Arthur when they danced earlier. He smiled to himself but was pulled out of his thoughts by two people at his sides. It was Lady Morgana and her handmaiden Gwen.

“So, Merlin,” Morgana started. “You disappeared on us. We thought you’d been taken or something. But no, you’re back and the only thing that seems to have been taken is Arthur’s heart.”

“By you of course,” Gwen clarified with a giggle. He looked between the two and shook his head with a laugh. There was completely, absolutely no way. Not in hell.

“No. Nope. No way.” he thought out loud. The girls merely laughed at him. “Guys, I’m serious. There is no way!”

“Is that why you two snuck out to snog each other’s faces off?” Morgana innocently. Gwen clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp. He stopped and gaped at her.

“I- We- No- I- We didn’t- I- No-” he stammered but memories of lips on his and a hand in his hair were clouding his sense of- well, everything. Morgana cackled at him.

“You did, didn’t you! I figured it was either that or you were getting into a fist fight! I guessed right!” she exclaimed. Gwen looked between the two a few times before glancing over to where Arthur was still talking with his father and back at Merlin.

“You scored Prince Arthur! Oh my God, Merlin, do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position?” Gwen gasped. Morgana laughed at her, a fond smile playing on her features.

“Quite a lot,” Morgana told him, not taking her eyes off the giggling maid. He looked between the two of them and then back at Arthur who was still being chastised by his father. He just wanted the lecture Arthur was currently forced to endure to be over with already so they could get back to their usual routine of banter and flirting.

But as the night dragged on, it never happened. Arthur stayed away from him and every time he tried to get close, the Prince would turn away from him and start up a conversation with someone else. Merlin started to wonder if he’d done something wrong, though Morgana assured him time and time again that he hadn’t. After another hour of standing at the wall watching the Prince- his Prince- waltz his sisters around the room, he excused himself and went to his room.

His heart hurt but that was nothing unexpected. After all, funny little feelings had their funny little consequences. And, in a small, dark corner at the back of his mind, was the looming knowledge of Arthur’s matrimony. Maybe there was a world where they had their happy ending, their forever. Together. Dancing at a ball with all eyes on them, celebrating them not scrutinizing them for simply being. Matching rings on their fingers and elated smiles on their faces. Arthur looking at him the way he always had but now Merlin knew the light in his eyes was because of him and not just some trick of the light. They were truly in love. Happy. But that was a foolish thought, a foolish dream and Merlin quickly purged it from his mind. There was no way. And that’s how it would always be.

He didn’t know how long he sat in front of the hearth in his room. He just knew he was warm and slightly tipsy, making him feel sticky and pensive. At one point he’d shed his fancy blue cloak and summoned up more alcohol. If he was going to throw himself a pity party, he had to do it properly. He just barely registered the knock at his door and only turned around when the person entered.

“Thought I might find you here,” Arthur said and Merlin gazed listlessly back at him. He took another sip from the bottle in his hand and registered that it was much lighter than it had been when he’d first summoned it. Good. He didn’t want to be sober and heartbroken. That would be too much to bear. There were many sarcastic retorts playing on his lips but what came out was weak and pathetic sounding.

“You left me,”. He looked back into the fire as the Prince frowned. Arthur reached forward, placing two fingers on his chin and turned his head to look at him.

“Merlin, I-”, he twisted out of Arthur’s grasp before he could finish his sentence and the Prince shut his mouth with a snap. The warmth of the hearth in front of them was doing nothing to warm the apathetic coldness curling in Merlin’s chest. He knew he was being stupid about it. But he was bitter and drunk and he really didn’t need Arthur’s pity right now.

“It’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal, actually, I don’t know why I’m being sour, Arthur, I’m so sorry,” he rambled, scrubbing a hand over his face and further smudging the color he’d rimmed his eyes with. Gods, he was a complete mess, wasn’t he. How could Arthur, forever perfect Arthur, love someone like him. Just how drunk was he anyways?

“Come here, you idiot,” the Prince murmured before Merlin felt a tug in his shoulders as he was pulled backward. The bottle in his hand was snatched away from him and his head landed in Arthur’s lap with a soft thud. He tensed. That was until fingers snaked into his hair, brushing through his curls gently and the warmth of the room returned tenfold. For a moment, he hoped and prayed to every God that Arthur might just stoop so low as to love someone like him.

“Talk to me,” Arthur said gently, “If you won’t hear my apologies then I have nothing to contribute. But you always have something to ramble on about, don’t you? I don’t want to leave you just yet. If that’s alright with you of course.”

The snarky retort Merlin had been planning to throw Arthur’s way died on his lips. The things he’d do to be loved by this boy were infinite. He wanted to be drowned in it.

“Sure. What do you want me to say?” he asked with equal softness. The dark orange glow of the room almost made it look as if the Prince’s eyes glimmered when they met Merlin’s. He’d seen many many people from many many places- more than he could count on his fingers and toes- in his years of traveling and learning with the Druids but none as beautiful as Arthur. Lords above, he was pining and lords above he was drunk. It was Arthur’s voice that pulled him out of his semi-trance.

“I don’t know. Tell me anything and everything or tell me nothing at all. I only wish to be here with you.” he smiled down at Merlin, tucking a stray curl behind his ear.

So Merlin began to talk, slowly and quietly, about his time traveling and learning. It wasn’t every day that you traveled the whole realm with some of the most powerful people ever. Including yourself. The Druids had always called him Emrys and for a while after he’d returned home, his own name felt foreign to him. So Arthur said it to him. Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. Like a magical chant, a sweet and reverent prayer on his lips. And for one short moment, he felt as if Arthur really did love him, like this God of a Prince was truly meant to worship him and him only, the remnants of his bitter jealousy burnt to ashes just as the oak logs of the dying fire in the hearth. Forgotten. Irrelevant. In this moment, there was no Helen, no Celeste, no Uther, no Algar. There was no one but he and Arthur and their shared whispers in the dark. Merlin sorely wished it’d remain this way forever.

###

He didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep, only that he had and now he was waking up with a raging hangover and faint memories of dancing and drinking and soft fingers sifting through his hair. Immediately he wracked his brain for memories, hoping and praying he hadn’t said anything cringe worthy or worse. Worse being a love confession of course. When he was certain he hadn’t made Arthur hate him forever or made an utter fool of himself, he slowly peeled his eyes open. Thankfully, the curtains were closed though he never remembered closing them. He also never remembered taking off his boots and climbing into bed. In fact, the last thing he remembered was his eyes drooping closed with a sigh and after that, a soft and feather light touch on his forehead. He sat confused for a second.

Then the realization hit. Arthur had kissed him. On the forehead. When he thought Merlin was sleeping. Dear Gods, wanted to curl up in a ball and wilt away but not exactly in a bad way. He was certain he’d be a puddle of sap on the floor by the time he’d overthought all of the previous night’s events with the way he was melting at the moment. The things Arthur did to him without even a clue.

Well, he’d have time to ponder later. Right now he just needed water. As he glanced around the room for a goblet, his eyes trailed over his bedside table. He did a double take before straightening up slowly and reaching toward what was there. Other than a few of his pieces of jewelry- that he had most certainly been wearing the previous night and did not remember taking off- there was a goblet of water and a note.

Thought you might need this.

                                                - A

And next to his initial, there was a small, scrawled heart. Merlin wanted to scream from the top towers of the castle, to the trees, to the Kings, to the world.

He fucking loved Arthur Pendragon.

Chapter Text

Arthur

He fucking loved Merlin Ambrosius.

And he couldn’t even see him. Wedding preparations stacked upon his original duties were hellish and had him staying up to all hours of the morning just to get everything done. Merlin didn’t seem to be doing any better from the small, tense smiles he sent him every time they crossed paths, both engaged in their individual tasks.

Though he was so swamped, all he seemed to truly be able to think about was Merlin. It was distracting.

His father knew that the mounting duties and responsibilities being pushed onto his plate were keeping him busy but still insisted on his and the Princesses’ courting to continue. The next thing that was planned was a picnic. He supposed getting out of the castle would be nice though he’d rather it be with Merlin than any of his sisters. He’d have to be cautious about their time spent together after the lecture he’d gotten from his father. It was harder and harder to excuse their extensive companionship.

Arthur had been doing some thinking- ok who was he kidding. a lot of overthinking- in the little free time he’d had to do so and he’d come to the conclusion that proposing marriage to Princess Celeste would be beneficial. She was a kind woman with a strong mind and a calm personality. He supposed he could live with that. Or at least that was what he was trying to convince himself of. Because, despite his active ignoring of his deep desires in the day, they still crept into his dreams. Dreams of walking in the forest and by the lake with Merlin or placing a crown on his head. Kissing him at the wedding altar and everyone cheering for their Prince and his new husband. It was devastating but something he’d grow to live with, like an ill feeling stitch in his heart.

###

The morning of the picnics came and he decided he would bring Celeste out that day and Helen the next, making the excuse that he was too busy for both in one day. It was a lie, of course. He’d have to deal with Helen later when he broke the news of his and Celeste’s engagement. Those two things were not something he was emotionally ready for in only one day.

When he entered the courtyard she was waiting, petting the nose of her mare with her hand. If Merlin were here, he’d probably be mumbling to it under his breath like a total lunatic. Arthur shook his head, clearing his mind. He was here for Celeste.

When they made their way to the cliffside picnic spot, he laid out the blanket and settled down beside her in semi-awkward silence. After a moment she cleared her throat and he turned to her.

“You know, Arthur, I couldn’t help but notice that you do not seem pleased with your upcoming marriage as of late,” she mentioned with an innocent expression. He didn’t answer at first, trying to find a suitable answer. What was there to say? That he didn’t want it in the first place, that he’d been leading them on? That he was dreading his wedding day more and more the closer it approached? That he was utterly and hopelessly in love with a boy he knew he couldn’t have but desperately wanted anyways? Something must have shown on his face because Celeste said

“Arthur, are you ok? Has something happened?”

“I’m in love with your foster brother,” he blurted out before covering his mouth with his hand. I was not supposed to tell her that. He searched her face for ridicule or judgment but all he found was a small soft smile. It was probably the first time she’d ever smiled in front of him.

“Well, I’m happy you figured it out because it seems you two have been pining for each other for a very long time,” she said. Might as well tell her the whole truth now that the ‘embarrassing feelings’ bit is over. he figured.

“We’ve been snogging in secret for months,” he blurted again, face red hot. She opened her mouth and closed it again.

“Well, I can’t say I needed to know that but it makes a lot of sense looking back,” she said, nodding, “I am glad you got that out there,”

“Thanks,” he sighed, turning back to face over the cliff to hide his embarrassment. Celeste put a hand on his arm.

“Well, whatever decision you make, I’ll trust you with. You seem like a good man.” she said gently. He paused. Decision?

“What decision are you talking about exactly?” he asked and Celeste chuckled. He smiled, still confused. When she realized he wasn’t joking, her smile faded a little.

“The engagement?”. His hand came up to his face again. God, today really wasn’t his day. But he was glad it was brought up. He’d been meaning to talk to her about it. He cleared his throat.

“Of course. The engagement. I was hoping to speak with you about it. I feel the best possible decision would be for-” he hesitated. Did he want to do this? There was no other way. Right?

“- for us to marry.”. Celeste looked at him, shocked. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before covering it with her hand.

“I apologize for being so blunt but… what?” she gasped before laughing a little, “I thought you said you were in love with Merlin,”

“It’s more complicated than that. Starting with the fact that neither of us can produce an heir and ending with the fact that he doesn’t have a true claim to Carenid’s throne. Another complication is that I don’t even know if he likes me the way I like him. And there’s my father and the fact that he obviously isn’t a girl. There’s too many factors.” he explained with a sigh. Celeste frowned a little.

“Well, in my opinion, I think that you’re taking the easy way out,” she said. He gaped at her.

“Excuse me?”

“Well I just think that if you aren’t willing to put in the hard work, are you really in love?” she asked, not in a rude way but in a matter-of-fact way. At first, the statement had shocked him. But after a moment, he supposed she was right. And when he really thought about it, he would. For happiness - for Merlin- he’d do it all. He was just… scared.

“I am. I’m ready. I’m just… uncertain about it.” he said carefully and Celeste raised her eyebrows. “Not about Merlin!” he amended. “Just… about how I- we- are going to get there.”. She smiled at him.

“Well, like I said, I’ll support you. Perhaps I could talk to my father. He’d surely understand. He only wants what’s best for us. Including Merlin. He’s as good as his son.” she suggested. God, he was so grateful she was a decent person. Because if all else failed- though he was praying it wouldn’t- she would be his second choice. Maybe he could come to love her? He doubted it but she wasn’t the worst backup option he could have.

“Thank you Celeste. Thank you so much. That would be great. But um… first I have to ask.” he said with a nervous smile. She returned his smile and took his hands in her own.

“I’m sure he’ll say yes. I’ve never seen him so infatuated with anyone ever. There’s no doubt in my mind that he loves you. Trust yourself and give yourself more credit Arthur. You’re not a half bad option.” she teased. After that the mood lightened because after that, there was no pressure to perform. They were friends enjoying a sunset as friends. And Arthur hoped to God that was all they’d ever be.

###

After dinner that night, Arthur sought out Helen in her chambers. He had to make sure he took everything- and everyone- into account before it happened. And that included Helen. When she opened the door, she leaned on it and flashed him a wide smile. It was less flirtatious than ones she’d given before so at least he had that on his side.

“Lady Helen. I apologize for bothering you but I have something rather important I’d like to speak to you about. May I come in?” he asked politely and she nodded before opening the door for him. When he walked inside, she brought around a chair for him and they sat at the small table.

“What is it that you wish to speak to me about, sire?” she asked lightly. He looked down and fidgeted with his hands, stalling. He knew she liked him and she probably knew he didn’t feel the same way. Unless she was totally and completely oblivious. Which wasn’t out of the question.

“It’s… about Merlin,” he started. She deflated a little and her smile saddened.

“You like him a lot, don’t you?”. So she wasn’t oblivious. That made things a whole lot easier on Arthur’s part he supposed.

“That’s what I came to you to talk about. I… want to propose to him. I spoke to your sister about it and she said I had her full support. I was just wondering what you’d think as you know him best.” he explained before adding, “Oh and please don't feel pressured to agree with Celeste. I’d much prefer it if you were honest rather than silently unhappy.”. She seemed to think for a moment before saying

“Well, I can’t say I’m thrilled. Because I really do like you, Arthur.” she began, “But I don’t think I like you as much as my brother does. And I am certainly not foolish enough to believe you like me as much as I do you. So as long as he’s happy, that’s good enough for me.” she said with a shrug. Arthur smiled gratefully at her.

“I am sorry, you know. You’re a really lovely woman.” he said. And he meant it. He was sure some meek man would truly love her… interesting personality.

“Thank you, Arthur. There are plenty of other men from where I came from so I’m sure I’ll get over you soon enough.” she chuckled. He heaved a sigh of relief. Two down, one to go. He could do this.

“No, thank you, Helen. I’m glad to have your understanding. Now for the hard part.” he chuckled, getting up from his seat. As he opened the door, Helen called his name and he turned back.

“You know, Arthur, I’ll have your back if it comes down to it. Merlin is as good as my brother. We’d do anything for him. Even if we aren’t so close.” she told him with a small smile. He smiled back before turning back to the door and leaving.

When he got to his chamber, he began drafting a note inviting Merlin to dine with him the next night. Then he went out into the hall before stopping and retreating back into his room. He looked down at the cleanly sealed invitation clutched lightly in his hands. What if it was too hard? What if things didn’t work out? What if he says no… he stood there reasoning for some time before he shook his head as if to get rid of his doubt. Arthur thought back to what Celeste said to him that afternoon. The easy way out…

He took a breath and opened the door again, calling out for a passing servant. He thrust the note into the girl’s hand before he could change his mind. It wasn’t even the hardest part, he figured as he shut the door. The next step was a ring. He pulled on a dark cloak without the Pendragon crest and made his way into town. I can’t believe it’s come to this, he mused as he wove his way through the lower village. When he reached the shop, it was thankfully empty. He entered and took down his hood. The shopkeeper bowed immediately.

“My Lord,” she said, straightening out, “What brings you to my shop at this hour?”

“I’m looking for a ring for… someone special to me. I was hoping I could find one here.” he said, looking around at all the display cases. The woman smiled and walked over to a smaller case to the right. Inside were lavish and glimmering rings with large jewels and intricate designs.

“Fit for a Princess,” she said, holding out her hands as if to say voila.

Arthur studied the rings. Some were so large and gaudy they almost looked tacky. He didn’t want to make a big statement. His confession would hopefully be enough. He needed something simple and less materialistic. He shook his head and turned to look at another case to his left. Inside were gold rings encrusted with jewels that seemed to sparkle effortlessly even in the low light. He suspected it was magic and strayed away from them. He came to a case with simple silver colored rings, most with engravings and smaller designs.

“These are our pure silver rings, sire. Many don’t have jewels but you’ll find they hold the same value.” the woman explained. He smiled in thanks and leaned down to get a closer look at what seemed to be closer to what he was originally thinking. As his eyes scanned over the silver bands, his eye caught on a thin one with a leaf design on it. It reminded him of the brooches that held Merlin’s cloak in place. He pointed to it.

“Could I take a look at that one there please?” he asked the shopkeeper and she nodded and carefully pulled it out of the display. She handed it to him and turned it over in his palm. It was cool to the touch and a little heavier than he thought it would be, but not overwhelmingly bulky. It wasn’t too flashy but it was a pretty little thing and it would match Merlin’s other jewelry. Arthur smiled up at the woman.

“How much for this precious thing?”

Chapter Text

The next day felt like it flew by and dragged on at the same time. Arthur was in a loop of overthinking and not thinking at all. He just needed to calm down. His only saving grace was the fact that he and Merlin were too busy to ever see each other those days. His thumb kept tracing over the outline of the ring in his pocket. Even Morgana could sense he was on edge.

“Arthur, are you quite alright?” she asked after lunch. He shrugged. “You were quiet the whole time. It’s not like I particularly enjoy your endless chatter about training and such but something seems off.”. He sighed and pulled her into the closest room.

“Arthur?” she asked, genuine concern lacing her tone.

“I’m planning on confessing tonight. And um… and proposing.” he admitted. Her face formed into a smile and she began to laugh.

“That’s all? Dear Gods, I thought you were in actual trouble,” she said through a fit of laughter. “Trust me, you’ll be alright. Merlin really likes you. I wouldn’t worry so much about it.”. Arthur’s eyes widened.

“I- when- How do you know?” he stammered and she laughed again.

“Honestly, Arthur, the only people who don’t know are the both of you. I’d honestly be surprised if the whole lower town wasn’t gossiping about it. And anyways it didn’t take me long to figure out you two have been… sucking face for quite some time. You’re about as subtle as a warhammer about it.”

He flushed a furious red and she laughed at his misery. Typical. He’d thought they were being subtle about it but… He ran a hand down his face with a sigh which made Morgana laugh more. Well, news did get around quickly. There was no doubt that if they were truly... as subtle as a warhammer like Morgana had said, the whole castle knew. Arthur blanched, all humor of the situation fading. Did Uther know? He must, seeing as Morgana was under the impression everyone did. He bit his lip.

“Do you- do you think father knows?” he asked and her smile faded into a pitiful frown. He searched her face for any sign that she thought the King did know but he found none.

“I don’t think so. And if he does, he’s obviously working hard on suppressing the knowledge as if he thinks it’ll go away if he doesn’t think about it.” she said and he heaved a sigh. That was the part that had been troubling him. He knew everything would be relatively easy, relatively being the key word. But his father? That man was as stubborn as he. Not many things swayed him or what he thought was his ‘best judgment’.

“You know I’ve always had your back against Uther. I’m not going to change now, not when you need me.” she input kindly and good lord was he so grateful to have her in that moment. Sure, she may be a harpy but they grew up like siblings. They had each other’s backs when they needed it most.

“Thank you Morgana. I’d hug you but I wouldn’t want to run the risk of being stabbed.” he joked and she laughed again, thankfully not at him this time.

“Of course. You have a big proposal coming up. I wouldn’t want to ruin it by pushing you out of a window.” she smirked. They left the room and Arthur felt even more reassured. He had friends on his side. He wouldn’t be alone.

###

That night he paced around his room waiting for the knock on his door to come. He’d had dinner brought up for them as promised in the invitation and now all he had to do was wait. Many things ran through his head as he waited. He had a surefire plan but what would his father think? Would he believe Arthur had been enchanted? Would he try to hurt Merlin? He was always taking drastic such measures. But then there was Celeste and Helen and most importantly King Algar who would never let anything happen to him. And that thought calmed Arthur.

That was until there was a knock at the door and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He opened the door to see a smiling Merlin and couldn’t help but smile. He decided to ignore the mounting anxiety in his gut and let him in.

“So, I suppose this isn’t just a social call?” Merlin asked, sitting down next to him.

“Never with you,” he joked and Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur opened his mouth to call him on it but he held up a hand.

“Yeah, yeah, they’re going to get stuck or whatever,” he chuckled and Arthur’s grin widened.

“You read my mind,”

After that, dinner went smoothly, both complaining about their respective days and all the stuff they had to do to prepare for the upcoming wedding. Everytime the topic of the bride came up Arthur fought hard not to correct him and just propose then and there. As the sun set they laughed and talked and drank maybe a little more wine than they should have but they were having fun. They lapsed into a comfortable pause before Merlin broke the silence again.

“Don’t tell me you brought me here just to cuddle with me again because if you just asked nicely…” he trailed off with a smile and Arthur rolled his eyes fondly. The ‘you know I would’ went unsaid but they both knew it was there.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, matching Merlin’s grin. The other boy scoffed.

“Did you just make a pun?” he deadpanned and Arthur burst out laughing.

“I didn’t mean to,” he laughed and Merlin seemed to smile despite himself. Arthur sighed, sobering a little. “I’m really going to miss you if you leave,” he said and Merlin’s smile faded as well.

“I’ll miss you too,” he said softly. Arthur cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter, attempting to breathe through his nerves. He could do this.

“I want you to stay with me… here in Camelot.” he hesitated. Merlin perked up as well and the corner of his mouth tugged a little. A blush crept up both of their cheeks.

“I’d… I’d really like that,” he said almost shyly. They sat in silence for a moment before Arthur took a breath and stood up. This was it. It was now or never. He pulled Merlin gently to his feet before taking both of his hands in his own. His heart was beating so hard he was sure Merlin could hear it from where he was standing with a confused expression on his face.

“Merlin I-” he stopped before deciding to continue. No easy way out.

“I love you,” he confessed, “much more than I told myself I would. These past few months have been… possibly the best of my life with you. I don’t want you to leave me just yet so…” he pulled the ring out of his pocket and held it between them. His hands were shaking so badly it almost fell from between his fingers.

“Marry me? Please?”

The hand he had dropped to get the ring flew up to Merlin’s mouth and the boy’s eyes glistened.

“Oh my Gods,” he said quietly, “I- Arthur, I love you so so much it’s actually stupid,”. Arthur smiled so wide he thought he’d have permanent smile lines until the day he died.

“So?” he asked. It was only a matter of time. He would say yes and they would be engaged. They would be so happy.

So happy.

But then Merlin hesitated.

“No,” he whispered. Arthur’s face fell.

“W- what?” he spluttered. Merlin shook his head. Tears fell down his cheeks and he sniffed. What?

“I’m so so sorry Arthur. But I- I can’t”. He wouldn’t meet Arthur’s eyes. Merlin said he loved him. He said he wanted to be with him. It didn’t add up. He was supposed to say yes. Wasn’t that how proposals were supposed to go?

“What do you mean you can’t?” he asked, feeling as helpless as he sounded. Merlin tried to look away but Arthur took his chin in his hand and gently forced him to look up at him. “Talk to me. What am I doing wrong?” he asked, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat.

“Nothing. Nothing it’s just-” he reached up to wipe the tears that had fallen down Arthur’s cheeks. He didn’t understand. If not him, what was the matter?

“Just what?” he asked, an edge creeping into his voice. He pulled out of Merlin’s grasp. He didn’t understand.

“There are- there are so many things- factors- in the way of this- of us,”. Oh. so that was it. He wasn’t willing to put in the work. Wasn’t willing to fight. Not like Arthur was.

“So that’s it. You don’t want to try. You’re ready to give up. Just like that?”

“I’m not- I don’t- It’s just-”

“Oh just this! Just that! Just what, Merlin? I don’t understand! What do you want?”

“I don't want to drag you down!” he exclaimed. Arthur recoiled like he’d been hit. And he felt like he had been. Drag him down? What did that even mean?

“Drag me down…” he said testily.

“You need a queen to support you, to support your image. Not me, I’m not even a prince. And even if I was, the simple fact is is that I’m not a woman. I can’t- I can’t give you a proper heir like one of my sisters could.” Merlin ranted, flailing his hands around to try and emphasize. “And on top of that, what would your father say? I wasn’t even meant to be here! I’ll have you remember that this wasn’t even supposed to happen! We were not meant to happen!”

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Merlin. You fell for me too, you said it yourself. Or were you lying to me?” Arthur said, feeling dangerously calm. Merlin lowered his voice as well, matching Arthur’s threatening tone.

“You know I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that.”

“Well my point still stands. You’re as much to blame as I am for all of this. If not more! I’m willing to work for this. You clearly aren’t.”

“I never said that!” Merlin countered, voice rising as Arthur provoked him. “I am trying to save your reputation!”. Arthur scoffed. It wasn’t even his problem. Why did he insist on getting involved in things he didn’t know anything about? It was Arthur’s life to live!

“That’s not your choice to make!” he bellowed. “We could be- would be supported by so many people! Then it’s our word against my father’s. If he wants this alliance he has to comply!”

“It doesn’t work like that and you know it!” Merlin argued and Arthur grit his teeth.

“You don’t know that!”

“Well my answer still stands!”. He deflated and his lip trembled. “I’m sorry, Arthur,” he said quietly before turning away and speeding out of the room before Arthur could get another word in.

After Merlin left, he stood there staring at the door. He had half a heart to call after the other boy but he stopped himself. Instead, he replayed the whole interaction out in his head again and again, thinking of what he did wrong, what he could have done differently. He stood there until the candles burned low and the ring clutched tightly in his palm left an angry red mark. A reminder of his failure. When he finally managed to pull himself out of the trance, he got ready for bed, feeling almost dizzy. He was completely spaced out, not even noticing when the pouring rain started. Arthur didn’t cry. It wasn’t his thing. But that meant he didn’t really feel anything at all. He wanted to be angry, to scream and break things and tear his hair out. He wanted to yell at Merlin until his throat went hoarse, until he finally understood just how much Arthur was willing to risk for him. For them. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

And with that heavy in his heart, the Prince drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter Text

The next morning Arthur woke with the crust of dried tears gluing his eyes shut. Though he hadn’t cried he suspected he might have in his sleep. God, he was a wreck. But he wasn’t going to give up yet. He slipped the ring into his pocket, a comfort turned sour by foul memories and hurt feelings. He knew he had to do something. He just needed a plan.

As he was forcing some fruit down his unwilling throat for breakfast, it hit him. So when he made sure he didn’t have anything to do that morning, he made his way to where King Algar was staying and knocked on the door. When the man called for him to enter, he pushed open the door and the King raised his head to look at him.

“Ah, Prince Arthur. What brings you to my chambers this morning? Nothing bad I hope.” he chuckled lightly. When Arthur did not return his smile, it faded. “What’s troubling you, young man?” he asked gently.

“It’s… it’s Merlin,” he started and Algar nodded in understanding. Or, in understanding of what he thought he knew.

“You’ve come to ask my permission to marry him? No need to fret about it. Between you and I, I am not like your father.” he said, pure approval coloring his tone. Arthur shook his head, memories of his rejection a bitter taste on his tongue.

“I already did. He-” Arthur took a fortifying breath before he continued to explain what happened. King Algar listened and nodded, a pitying frown on his old features. When Arthur finished, there was a lump in his throat and he discreetly blinked back his tears, schooling his face into something neutral. The King wasn’t fooled by his act though.

“I can see how hurt you are, you needn't pretend you aren’t. Have you tried talking to him and telling him all that you’ve told me?” he asked kindly and Arthur shook his head again.

“No. As I said, it only happened last night. I just… want to give him space. Don’t want to overwhelm him, y’know?”. The King nodded.

“I understand. You’re a good man, Arthur, I hope you know that. And if my boy ever comes around, which I suspect he will sooner rather than later, you will make a fine husband for him. A word of advice for you; He will seek you out when he wants to. Merlin knows what he wants and what he has to do to get it. So give him space, but don’t expect it to stay that way. And don’t try to speed things up. You’ll know when it’s time, I’m sure.” he said gently and Arthur felt like crying again. Is this what fatherly love feels like?, he thought pathetically.

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” he said with a watery smile. King Algar nodded at him, returning his smile with a warm one of his own.

“Any time, young man. Now I’m sure you have things to be doing so I wouldn’t want to keep you.” he told him.

As Arthur walked down the hallway to the council chambers to meet with his father for lunch. He knew a marriage lecture was coming so he braced himself, thinking up a dozen different lies to keep his father from finding out the truth before he was ready. He knew things would go slowly, waiting for Merlin to come around. Algar said he’d know when he had so now all he needed to do was be patient. But he would endure it. So long as it gave him a second chance with Merlin.

His Merlin.

Merlin

The door closed behind Merlin with a slam but he barely heard it over the ringing in his ears. He kept walking, trusting his feet to lead him where he needed to go. He was only half aware as his hands came up to wipe the tears from his cheeks and muffle his sobs. He didn’t know if he felt bad for leaving Arthur like that after rejecting him so brutally. So he kept walking, faster and faster until he broke out into a sprint. The leaves and twigs of the forest stung his face as he ran head first into them but he didn’t notice. He kept his head down and kept running until he reached a soft spot to collapse in.

He stared up at the now dark sky and his whole torso shook with between his panting and sobbing. He couldn’t stop himself, just as he couldn’t stop snippets of his and Arthur’s argument from playing on loop in his mind. He felt the guilt pressing down on him, choking him and eating him alive.

Don’t want to try.

Hypocrite.

As much to blame… if not more.

Gods, he was pathetic, wasn’t he? Did he even deserve self pity? He’d hurt Arthur and he’d hurt himself. He’d hurt Arthur. His love. And Gods, if that didn’t hurt like hell on earth, he didn’t know what did. But surely Arthur had to see that it wouldn’t work? Surely. Or was Merlin just not trying hard enough. He’d always been damned for being a pessimist. But he was just protecting their hearts.

How dare Arthur give him false hope? How dare he tell Merlin all the nice things he wanted to hear? How dare he think that everything could just be fixed so easily? It was a nice thought but it wasn’t realistic. Surely Arthur knew Uther better than him? But no, he told himself, it’s a nice thought but it isn’t realistic. Arthur is as much a fool for hoping as you. The thought crushed him.

So Merlin made it pour. It rained and it rained and it rained, even when his anger had fizzled out like the last embers of a flame and the weight that had settled in his chest became almost bearable. He didn’t know how long he lay down in the wet moss but he didn’t care. He let his feelings overtake him, drown him, until he drifted off.

Chapter Text

Merlin blended in the black liner he’d just rimmed his eyes with with shaking hands. Two nights ago he’d never have thought he was doing this. But he was. He was going to ask- beg- for a second chance. If he was to possibly lose the little dignity he had left in Arthur’s eyes, he sure as hell was going to look good doing it.

When he’d emerged from the forest two nights prior, he’d been a disheveled wreck with red rimmed eyes and slightly damp hair, making his curls look even more unruly than they normally did. Thankfully, it was early enough that no one was awake to see his walk of shame back to his room. Well, no except Celeste, ever the early riser, who took one good look at him before taking him by the arm and pulling him into her room. He let her sit him down in a chair and waited as she sat down in the one next to him. Celeste gestured to him with both hands and a confused expression.

“Care to explain?” she asked and he looked down at his, surprisingly unbitten, fingernails.

He debated whether he should tell her or just tell her to leave it be. But he did anyway, revealing every moment, every painstaking detail of how he most likely shattered the Prince’s heart, the guilt coming back to him tenfold. Surprisingly, he didn’t break down. He held it together even though he hated every moment of practically reliving their argument. At the end, he fell silent, waiting for Celeste to speak. She didn’t.

“Don’t be angry, please,” he muttered, twisting his hands in his lap. He heard Celeste sigh.

“Oh Merlin,” she sighed, “How could I be mad at you? You don’t even know the whole story.”. His head shot up to look at her.

“What?”. She shook her head and smiled slightly.

“Boys,” was all she said. He gaped at her before she waved a hand in front of his face and proceeded to explain. How Merlin understood it, in the most basic terms, Arthur had put in so much work for them and Merlin threw it all away in one swift motion. He felt like an asshole. He supposed he deserved to feel that way.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” he whispered, scrubbing a hand over his face. Celeste gave him a look of pity.

“Don’t say that to me, say that to him,” she said, placing a hand on his. He shot her a grateful smile and turned to the door.

“Oh and Merlin,” she called and he turned back to face her. “Clean yourself up, would you? You look like a right mess.”

So, finally he’d worked up the courage to do what she’d advised. He swallowed hard, trying to fight his mounting guilt and anxiety as he walked through the twisting hallways of the castle. When he reached the Prince’s room, he took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to second guess himself and he most certainly wasn’t going to turn back. He wouldn’t run away this time.

Merlin reached a hand up to knock, stopped, took another breath to fight his internal cringing and then finally knocked thrice on the light wood. When the door opened, Arthur’s eyes widened but only slightly before his face turned neutral again. Merlin’s hands twisted in front of him as they stood in silence. Arthur gave him an expectant look and Merlin started. He was there for a reason after all.

“Um... can I come in?” he asked tentatively. The Prince nodded and stepped out of the way, letting him enter. His silence was more than uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t he just say something? Was Arthur truly that upset at him? He had every right, Merlin supposed. When the door closed behind them Merlin took a deep breath and began.

“I have something to say to you,” he started a little lamely, carefully taking Arthur’s hands into his own. He paused but when the Prince didn’t pull out of his grasp, he continued with a small spark of hope in his heart.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Arthur. I know I messed up. I said a lot of things that I’m not proud of. I never meant to fight with you. I never meant to hurt you.” he paused to take a shuddering breath before continuing, “I love you. And I do want to be with you. So so badly. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life. I was a fool for trying to convince you otherwise. So please, Arthur, I’m begging you, give me another chance.” he pleaded, clutching Arthur’s hands as tightly as he dared. Every word felt like a stab to the heart but he wouldn’t cry. He didn’t deserve to. He wasn’t the one who had been hurt. So he stared at the ground waiting what felt like years for Arthur’s reply.

“I hate you so much, I can’t even stand to see you,” Arthur stated softly. Merlin’s stomach dropped but there was something about the Prince’s tone that suggested he was… smiling? Another spark of hope wormed it way in with the grief that had settled his heart but he didn’t dare look up.

“But that’s the thing about you and me, isn’t it,” Arthur continued, reaching a hand up to cup Merlin’s cheek, tilting his face up to lock eyes with him. He was smiling.

“When has that ever stopped us?”. He stroked his thumb once and it took everything in Merlin not to lean into his touch. “So say it back. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you despise my guts and want me to burn for being so stupid as to love you back. That's all I need.” he begged in an almost whisper. Merlin already had the answer at his lips before he even finished. He understood now.

“I hate you and I love you and I think I always have and I know I always will.” he rambled, jutting out his chin with what he knew was a completely besotted smile. Arthur’s small smile widened, resembling the one he’d given Merlin when they’d confessed. This time, Merlin knew he’d do anything to keep that smile on his Prince’s face. He reached his hands up and placed them carefully on Arthur’s jaw.

“You said you wanted to be with me…” the Prince trailed off, question obvious in his voice. Merlin nodded and Arthur bit his lip, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out the silver ring and held it up between them.

“So, I’ll ask you again… and I pray to God I know the answer…” he laughed. Merlin laughed too, anticipation making him jittery and giddy.

“Will you be my husband?” Arthur asked quietly. Merlin smirked, pulling them a little closer together.

“Is that an order, your highness?” he asked, looking up at the Prince through his lashes. Arthur scoffed, moth hanging open in an expression of amusement and indignance.

“Merlin,”

Merlin stroked his thumbs over his cheeks, tipping their foreheads together.

“Yes. Forever and always, yes.” he said and Arthur wasted no time in pressing their lips together. He could feel Arthur smiling into the kiss and he was sure the Prince could feel him doing the same. The press of lips on lips was simple but said one million things. One million sorrys, one million I missed yous, one million I love yous. It was heaven on earth. And sure, things wouldn’t be easy but they’d have each other. That’s what mattered.

Chapter Text

Later that night, Celeste, Helen, Merlin and Gwen sat in the Prince’s chambers together. Earlier that day, he and Arthur had gathered them and Morgana to reveal the engagement and everyone had been thrilled for them, all expressing their congratulations. Arthur had been kind enough as to not say I told you so. Merlin had sent a letter explaining the situation to his mother using magic so it would reach her chambers instantly and she’d sent one back almost immediately, expressing her excitement- and lack of surprise- for he and Arthur.

Now the Prince was at dinner with his father and Morgana. At first, Arthur had wanted to go alone but Morgana convinced him to let her be there too, just in case things got out of hand. The four sat in tense silence, awaiting their return. After what felt like ages, the door handle turned and Arthur practically stumbled into the room looking pale and sullen. In an instant, Merlin shot up from his seat to grab him and pull him into his chest.

“It’s as we suspected. He’s furious. Morgana got into a screaming match with him and told me to leave her to it. I didn’t want to but she practically pushed me out of the room.” he sighed, pressing his forehead into the crook of Merlin’s neck. They had suspected this would happen. Now it was Merlin’s turn to try. He led Arthur over to a chair and deposited him into it. He pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I’m going to go talk to King Algar. Don’t lose hope.” he said before opening the door to the room and turning out into the hallway. Merlin twisted the ring on his finger. It was gorgeous and he’d told Arthur so as he slipped it onto his finger earlier that day. He felt infinitely more confident than he had making his way to Arthur’s room that morning. He supposed he hadn’t exactly come down from the high of being engaged to the love of his life. He knocked on the door and entered when the King called for him to.

“Ah, Merlin,” he said when he saw him. He held up two tunics, one blue with silver patterns embroidered into it and one darker blue with simple silver hemming. “Could you help me with something? I don't know-” he stopped when he spotted the ring Merlin was fiddling with on his finger. He put down the tunics and circled around the table. For a second Merlin was scared he was upset but all his worries were quelled when Algar pulled him into a fatherly embrace.

“I know we don’t do this kind of thing but I just want you to know that I am so so proud of you, my boy. You have my full support wherever you need it.” he said, pulling away and keeping his hand on Merlin’s shoulders. He felt like crying, smiling up at the King’s proud words. Then he remembered why he was there and he sobered a little.

“We actually do need your help. It’s King Uther. He’s being… rather difficult.” he explained, treading lightly in his phrasing just in case. He went into a little more depth on Uther’s reaction and by the end King Algar was shaking his head in disapproval.

“I’ll talk to him. You get your boy and meet me in front of the council chambers in ten minutes.” he said and Merlin nodded.

“Thank you,” he said, turning to the door before glancing back down to the two tunics. “Also the light one with the designs suits you best,” he smiled. Algar looked up and smiled back.

As he turned down the hallway to Arthur’s chambers, he saw Morgana storming into the room. He could practically feel the fury radiating off of her as she closed the door behind her. He entered the room a minute later to a fuming Morgana being calmed down by Gwen. Arthur was sitting in the same place Merlin had left him and looked up when he entered.

“Algar is with us, we’re going to talk to your father in a few minutes. Is that ok?” he asked, sitting down beside him. Arthur nodded and Merlin reached for his hand, holding it between both of his own. “It’ll be alright, trust me,” he said quietly. Arthur looked up at him and smiled slightly. They’d be ok.

When the time came, they met King Algar outside of the council room, he nodded at them and pushed the door open. Uther was standing at the end of the table, his fury evident between his rigid posture and stormy expression. Arthur’s knuckles brushed against his as they made their way into the room behind the King.

“King Algar, what is the meaning of this?” he asked practically through gritted teeth. Algar stopped in front of him, calm as ever.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he said, “I was under the impression you wanted this alliance as much as I,”. Uther scoffed.

“I did. I do. But I will not let my only son be ruined by such a thing. You have the power to stop this yet you let it continue?” he growled. Though he was getting riled up, Algars calm disposition stayed. He was right though. Algar may not have been his father but he was his guardian and King so technically he did have the right to put an end to any relationship he didn’t approve of. Though this was true, Merlin knew he would never.

“I have no need to put an end to it. It is not preventing them from completing their duties and it isn’t hurting anyone. I must say, Uther, I do not understand your point of view.” he said plainly looking between the two boys.

“Arthur needs a Queen. Not some useless farm whore from nowhere!“ Uther spoke as if they weren’t in the room. For that, Merlin glared at the King without abandon but when he searched himself for any sort of anger or embarrassment, he couldn’t find any. What he found was that he simply didn’t care. Merlin opened his mouth to defend himself but Arthur beat him to it.

“Don’t you dare speak of him like that. You have no right.” he hissed, marching forward to stick a finger in his father’s face who recoiled as if he’d been burnt. It was a bold move and Merlin’s heart sparked with pride for the Prince.

“Arthur, are you out of your mind? This boy has no father, no powerful name and no wealth! Most of all, he has no certain claim to the Carenid throne!”

“So what if he doesn’t?” Algar interjected. “Neither do my girls. They need a husband to rule the land and manage the affairs. Do you not think it best to let them find a man who is not the sole heir to another kingdom? Then Arthur wouldn’t have to try and rule two kingdoms at once.” Algar explained. Merlin thanked every God he knew the name of for the King’s level headed thinking and sound logic. Uther slammed a fist down on the table.

“Arthur is not a child, he can deal with it!”

“And you’d rather put that on him than let him marry someone he loves?”

“Yes!” Uther cried. The silence that followed was loud and heavy and tense with judgment. Arthur’s shaking hand came to grip Merlin’s who silently squeezed back. Uther seemed to feel the thick tension because he shrunk, coming down from his rage a little. After a moment, Algar shook his head.

“You are a sick, sick man, Uther Pendragon,” he deemed. Uther was shocked into silence. Algar sighed before leaning on the table with his palms. “If you want this alliance, our sons will marry. That is my decision and it is final.” Algar stated, glaring at the other King. Uther’s mouth opened and closed once, twice before he spoke.

“If it is the only way,” he forced himself to spit out through gritted teeth. Algar nodded and stuck his hand out. Uther shook it stiffly before turning and leaving the room without a word or a second glance towards his son. When he was finally gone, relief washed over Merlin like an enormous tidal wave. Arthur seemed to be feeling the same way because he turned to Merlin and scooped him up into his arms with a short laugh. Algar laughed too as they clung onto each other. They broke apart and both turned to him.

“I want to say thank-” Arthur began.

“Thank you so much, we-” Merlin started at the same time. They stopped and shared an amused glance before Merlin gestured for Arthur to speak first. He nodded and turned to King Algar with an immensely grateful smile.

“I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For us. I am immensely grateful for your support and I can’t thank you enough. When I am King, I promise I will reward you and your kingdom greatly for this act of alliance.” he said and Algar smiled.

“I doubt I’ll still be around when you are King but I will hold you to that anyways,” he joked before sobering a little. “You are a truly exceptional man, Arthur. I am glad Merlin has you.” he said, placing a hand on Arthur’s shoulder who looked just about ready to cry. Then, Algar turned to Merlin.

“I know I am not your father but you are as good as a son to me. Words cannot express how much I love you. Have you told your mother? She will be so happy.” he told him and, unlike Arthur, Merlin wasn’t able to contain his tears. He wiped them away with a small laugh and said,

“Thank you. I’ll go tell her now.” he said sincerely. Algar nodded and walked with them out of the room. Arthur took Merlin’s hand and threaded their fingers together. With one ast thank you, the two made their way back to their friends in Arthur’s chambers. Before they could reach the room, Merlin felt a tug on his waist, pulling him into an alcove where he came face to face with his smiling betrothed.

“I’m getting deja vu, sweetheart,” he said and Merlin laughed, also remembering the first time Arthur had pulled him into an alcove. He thought he’d hated the Prince when all he could think about were his lips. He was almost certain it was the same for Arthur. It felt like just yesterday but also so long ago.

“No one’s fault but yours,” he whispered, tracing the line of Arthur’s jaw with his finger. He honestly thought he’d never get over how perfect it was. It was starting to become a thing.

“Can I kiss you?” Arthur asked, reaching up to take his chin between his forefinger and thumb. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Do you really have to ask?” he answered. Arthur smirked and pulled him into a soft kiss.

They were ok.

Chapter Text

Merlin’s heart wouldn’t stop racing as he studied himself in the long mirror Morgana had lent him from her room. He looked almost unlike himself even with his hair unruly as always and his face plain like usual. His off white tunic hung around his frame elegantly and was tucked into a pair of black trousers. It had neat frills at the sleeves and a wide collar, exposing his collarbone slightly. Around his waist was a thick black belt made of two belts, on top of the other, outlining the dip of his waist.

Merlin had always imagined his wedding day to be a quick and sad affair where he was promised to a rich man’s daughter. He’d imagined garish decorations, wilting flowers and a dowry too large for him to bear. He’d imagined his own discontent and sometimes the bride’s as well. Merlin from months ago would be crying tears of joy if he knew that wouldn’t happen.

There was a soft knock at his door before it creaked open. He gasped as his mother stepped into the room with a sweet smile. She was wearing a baby blue dress and a shawl held together with the Ambrosius seal. He ran over to her and she wrapped her arms around him with a chuckle.

“Someone’s excited to see me,” she joked as they pulled away. The truth was, Merlin was excited to see her. Confused but excited.

“How are you here? It takes days to get from Carenid to here.” he asked in disbelief and she chuckled again, reaching up to brush a curl that fell into his eyes.

“Siofra has her ways,” she said cryptically and he shot her a confused but amused look. She shook her head. “Never mind that, sit down. Your hair needs taming.”

Merlin sat down, trying to keep his posture straight so as to not wrinkle his freshly pressed top. His mother grabbed a comb from the pile of things on the table beside him and began to pick through his curls, styling them into some semblance of neatness as they caught up. It wasn’t like they hadn’t sent each other letters. There were just some things you couldn’t put on paper.

A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door and two men came into the room carrying a trunk. Hunith directed them to the table in the middle of the room and they placed the trunk down. She dismissed them with a kind smile and a small thank you before turning to the trunk. Merlin craned his neck to get a look at what she was doing. Hunith opened the trunk and pulled out a sparkling silver-blue garment. She turned to him with a smile.

“This was your father’s before he had to leave. It was his favorite cloak. I thought you should have it on your special day.” she told him, glancing down at the cloak fondly. Merlin reached out and took the fabric in his hands. It was soft to the touch and when he looked closer, it had silver runes embroidered into the hemming. He flipped it over and the inside was a darker shade of regal silvery-blue. He didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you,” was all he could muster up in his awe. Hunith smiled hesitantly at him.

“I understand if it’s a lot. You can wear a different one if you’d like, I brought more.” she suggested but he shook his head. It was my father’s, he thought, still trying to process. A sort of buzzing feeling seemed to radiate off of the fabric and Merlin clutched it closer to his chest. It felt like old magic, comforting and serene.

“I’d be honored to wear it,” he smiled. There was yet another knock and Merlin’s first thought was Gods, does it ever end? He placed the cloak gently down and crossed the room to open it. In the doorway stood Helen and Celeste, arms linked, wearing similar blue dresses in roughly the same shade as Hunith’s.

Merlin let them into the room and Helen gasped when she saw Merlin’s mother, rushing forward to hug her. When the girls pulled away, Celeste kissed Hunith on both cheeks, effortlessly grateful as always despite her evident excitement. When they were finished asking her the same things Merlin had, Helen eagerly pushed him down into a chair and began putting color around his eyes, smudging it into place with her forefinger. Merlin sighed lightly as the girls fawned over him. It was nice to be back with his family.

When Helen was finally finished, Helen pulled him out of his seat and shoved him in front of the mirror and Celeste came behind him to drape the cloak over his shoulders. And for the second time that morning, Merlin was taken aback by his own appearance. He looked regal and… and pretty. A smile worked its way onto his face as he placed his silver circlet on top of his styled hair. He turned towards his mother and saw she had tears in her eyes.

“Don’t cry yet, mum, the wedding hasn’t even started,” he laughed, suddenly giddy. She shook her head and sniffed.

“I’m just so happy for you,” she sighed and Helen and Celeste nodded their heads in agreement.

Outside the clock chimed 11 and all three women ushered him to the door as the wedding would take place in just half an hour. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, quelling some of Merlin's anxieties. It was considerably warm for early November and he wondered if he was making it happen subconsciously. He wouldn’t put it past his magic to do something like that. As they walked, Merlin linked arms with his mother and before he knew it they were standing before the doors to the great hall. He waved them goodbye as they left.

Then he was alone, standing in front of the doors, waiting for them to open. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart before realizing he wasn’t actually nervous. He was excited. For the first time since he was a child, he was actually excited by the prospect of getting married. Because this was someone he’d willingly spend his life with. Merlin chuckled to himself as he thought back to how it all began. He hadn’t even wanted to come in the first place but then he found himself snogging the Prince in an empty hallway and it wasn’t so bad after all. Gods, time really did fly.

He looked around the hall as he entered. He knew roughly what it would look like, having worked on the plans for most of his time in Camelot but it felt much more… alive in person. The hall practically glowed with the large rays of sunlight streaming in through the windows. White flowers decorated every wall and the banners of Camelot and Carenid hung at the front of the room.

King Algar and his mother stood side by side, both beaming with pride alongside Celeste and Helen who also stood to the left side of the platform, hands clasped behind their backs, similar expressions on their faces. His eyes traveled over to the other side and he spotted Morgana standing straight-backed and graceful as ever. He also noticed Uther, standing to the right with his jaw clenched so hard Merlin was sure all of his teeth would fall out before the end of the ceremony. He was surprised the King had even shown up at all but it wasn’t a completely unwelcome surprise. He was pleased Arthur had his family there.

Speaking of Arthur, the very Prince himself was standing at the front of the room, regal in his chainmail and golden circlet, a golden halo atop his head. He looked positively radiant in the morning light and Merlin’s heart swelled with pride, with admiration, with love. That was the beauty of it all. He would get to spend his life with this stupid, noble, brave prat and he didn’t have any regrets about it. If he could do it all over again, he would, no questions asked. Because they were stupid and reckless and fucking perfect and he couldn’t have asked for anything more.

All he wanted was love in his life. And now he’d finally gotten it.

Chapter Text

The wedding had been a quick affair with just enough celebration to be appropriate for the only heir of Camelot but not enough for people to think Uther was particularly happy with the decision. Despite that, it didn’t bother Merlin. He hadn’t been as keen on the idea of a banquet as he had been on the idea of the wedding anyways. The expression Arthur sported as he received oily smiles and stiff congratulations from various stuffy nobles he didn’t know half the names of told him that the Prince felt the exact same way as he.

After the celebrations were over and all of the guests had left, Merlin and Arthur ran off to Morgana’s chambers, slightly tipsy and still riding the high of their wedding, where their friends had been waiting with ale and wine and many sincere congratulations. Needless to say, they had all woken up with spectacular hangovers.

A few days later, Merlin had bid his husband (Gods, thinking about that was such a strange and good feeling) farewell with many promises to write to him and left with the rest of the original party back to Carenid. He had to sort out his affairs, pack his things and visit his mother for a month before going back to Camelot. He’d never known a life outside of Carenid so the thought of moving to Camelot scared him slightly. But more than that, it excited him. Being the physicians’ official apprentice, being so close to real friends and being able to spend every day with the love of his life would be… Gods, he didn’t know how to even put it into words. It felt like the bonfire on Beltane and like a good Yule snow. It felt like the sweet wind of spring and the waves crashing on the shore of Lake Avalon. It felt ethereal, unreal.

As his horse trotted back into the cobble courtyard for the first time in a month, Merlin spotted a figure in red standing at the front steps of the castle and his face broke out into a foolish grin. He sat up straighter on his saddle as Arthur approached, cloak billowing behind him, an impossibly wide smile on his face. Merlin dismounted quickly, handing the reins to the knight that had come with him and all but ran towards his husband, flinging his arms around him the second he was close enough.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?” Arthur whispered, twisting his arms around Merlin’s waist who chuckled as he buried his face in his neck. The people were happy, Camelot and Carenid both prospered in their new alliance and Merlin was in love. Everything was as it should be. Everything was perfect.

“Yeah. Everything’s alright. I missed you though.” he whispered and Arthur squeezed him closer. He thought- no, he knew that he could have this kind of heaven forever and never get tired of it.

Arthur. His to hold. His to keep. His to love. As it should be.