Chapter Text
The dwarves shut the door behind him. In the nice little entry hall stood Hawke. Already she had replaced her black dress for some less tight clothes, a short sleeveless, white dress and soft silken trousers. Her make-up had already been washed away. She’d let loose her hair too and it was now streaming down her shoulders and chest like the day he’d first met her. She was always gorgeous but seeing her this natural almost felt like coming home. She looked sweet somehow, innocent. The word cute came to mind, but it was almost ridiculous to describe the mighty Spider Queen as ‘cute’, as if she was some sort of pet animal.
“I decided I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to send for you,” she said amiably. “I was just about to have some late night tea, if you would join me?”
Cullen looked over his shoulder. “I should report back to the Gallows. There is a lot to be relayed to Meredith and I …” Hawke turned away from him and he saw her round backside reveal its curve through her night gown. “I suppose I could stay for a night cap … uh cup! Of tea.”
She smiled and led him inside again. The remnants of the party were being cleaned up by a red-haired bearded dwarf and a young elven girl. When they saw Cullen, they froze and stared inquiringly at Hawke.
“Relax, Bodahn, Orana,” Hawke said and went past them. “The Knight-Captain and I have a few things to go over. I’ll take tea in my room tonight, be a dear and bring a cup for the Captain as well, Orana.”
“Of course, mistress,” said the young elf girl and hurried off to the kitchen. Hawke started up the stairs, and Cullen followed. The only thing he could fix his eyes upon was that of her behind, directly at the height of his eyes. His hands were shaking and his mouth was dry. He felt like he was going to get punished, as if he was in trouble for something.
They passed the door of the senior Lady Amell, her name and white lilies were painted on it. Hawke saw him looking that way. “Don’t worry. She is fast asleep. She won’t hear a thing.”
Hear what exactly? He supposed he could guess what she was referring to, but he hadn’t the guts to hope for it. Ever since their first meeting, he’d wanted her. Passionately, fiery, desperately. He would have her over and over, until she no longer wanted her other lover. He wanted all of her, forever, and all the time. But she was in love with Anders and would never touch Cullen, would never kiss him with those red, full lips, never let her hands caress his every inch, never moan into his ear, never suck his tongue or bite his earlobe, never …
“Cullen, are you alright?”
Hawke was standing in front of the fireplace, the light of the flames lighting up her face and reflected upon her evening robes, even shining through the thin fabric to reveal her form. Cullen found himself standing straight-backed near the door, his face red and flushed, and body aching from wanting to take her on the nearby bed.
Stop it. She’s not yours!
“Why did you call me back here?” he asked, trying to sound more self-assured than he felt.
There was a careful knock at the door, and clinking of cups, as Orana opened the door placed a tray with two cups just inside, then left again.
Hawke gave a sigh, strode right past Cullen to pick up the tea, handing him one of the cups. When their fingered touched, by accident or by her design, his body felt as if it had caught fire. He began to sweat.
“I didn’t feel like being alone tonight,” she said and sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace. She patted the floor beside her to coax him into sitting down next to her. How unconventional, especially when there were a couple of armchairs at the other end of the room, and even a table. “Anders is away with Prawley on something. He’d throw a fit if he knew you were here.” Cullen hated when she said Anders’ name. It made him feel small and insignificant. “These nights when he’s away and won’t say where and for how long … I am constantly worrying. I was hoping you might keep me company.”
He sipped at his cup, trying to delay his answer for as long as he could. Mostly because he feared what he might say to her while being so close and not in any sort of armour. But also because he had no idea what else to say to sound normal. What would someone say in this situation? A beautiful woman you craved had invited you over to her room to intimately drinking tea together on the floor next to a burning fireplace.
“Company,” he said suavely, eventually as he stared into the flames, trying to avoid her gaze which he could feel was on him. “Is that all I am?”
Hawke scooted closer to him. He couldn’t tell which was warmer, the fire or her. Finally, he couldn’t avoid her gaze anymore.
“It feels nice to have someone to talk to, you know,” she said sweetly. “The others … they don’t understand. They judge me. I know you wouldn’t do that.”
“What gave you that idea?” he huffed and finished the tea all too quickly, it burnt his mouth. He tried to not let it show. He breathed hard feeling like bumbling idiot. Even here, even in her own quarters, she was powerful and graceful and he, was little more than a peasant boy turned Templar, within reach of some sort of deity. It was too good to be true. “I thought you hated Templars.”
“But you’re not just a Templar anymore,” she insisted. She sounded almost insecure, as if she thought she didn’t deserve him. It was puzzling. “I might even consider you a … friend.”
“We can’t be friends,” he said hesitantly. His mind fought her with every beat of his heart as he tried to come up with reasons to keep her at a distance. “Your real friends are probably out setting more mages free. Tomorrow, we’ll get the report. Tomorrow, things will go back to the way they were.”
Hawke smiled and chuckled slightly. “Tomorrow, yes. But what about tonight?”
She scooted even closer, as if that was possible, and looked up at him with pleading eyes. “Don’t you want me?” she whispered. Her eyes moved down to his lips and she breathed heavily.
Cullen stared at her lips as well. Those red, plump lips parting ever so slightly to reveal her white front teeth brushing her lower lip. But the image of the Desire demon with her fangs and glowing purple eyes were still fresh in his mind and he dared not hope for the real Hawke anymore. Furthermore, he knew her loyalty was elsewhere, her heart belonged to someone else, this could never be anything more than one night and he wanted more than that from her. He reluctantly slid away from her.
“You’re with Anders,” he said.
“And here I thought your name was Cullen,” Hawke jested, but Cullen didn’t find it at all amusing. “Anders is not here. You’re here, I’m here. You can have me for tonight. You’ve won.”
“For tonight, and that’s it?” said Cullen, all the while cursing his own honour. He could’ve just gone with it, but it felt wrong. He got to his feet setting the cup down on the mantle. Hawke stood as well, shifting her eyebrows in confusion. “First of all, I’m not a toy you can summon, use and discard. I am not one of your subordinates. If you want casual intimacy, ask anyone out there on the street. They would gladly come to your aid. Second of all, no, you’re not a prize I was hoping to win. You’re a complicated person and I would rather stay away from your antics.”
Hawke huffed. “Is that what you think of me? Some sex-addled maniac who uses men for her pleasure alone? I summoned you back because I want you. You keep me grounded. You keep me honourable. I feel like I’m slipping away and I …” She hit the air around her with her fist causing a wave of wind to flow around them. “… damn it! It’s all gone to shit. That fucking Prawley, corrupting everything. Destroying us. I wish I could…”
“Then why don’t you?” said Cullen. Hawke shook her head, and there were tears in her eyes. “Yes. You have an army. Why can’t you challenge Prawley and kill him? I’ll even …” He stopped himself unsure if he was really capable of aiding. But he wanted to comfort her now and even if it was a lie in truth, it wasn’t a lie in his heart. He would help her if he could. “… Get some Templars to help. Together, we can stop this madness.”
“It’s no use,” Hawke wept and sat down on the bed. “It’s all ruined. Anders is in far too deep to see. If I kill Prawley, and if you bring your fellows, he’ll die, or get captured. I can’t risk it.”
She put her face in her hands, sobbing and shaking. Cullen wanted to sit beside her and leave in equal amount, he settled for staying where he was. His heart twisted for her, seeing her so despairing and he began to realise there was something else, something deeper than desire between them. Here she was sat on a very large, inviting bed and yet what had first been longing to take her, had become longing to belong to her and for the moment he wanted nothing more than to try and solve her problem. “Have you considered alerting the City watch?”
She snorted. “Now you sound like Aveline. Yes, I have considered. But that would bring death to more good people and I can’t have that. She hates me for it but knows I’m right.”
Cullen silently agreed. “So, what’s your best option here? Do nothing?”
Hawke rubbed her face in her palms. She looked flustered, but still the most marvellous thing he’d seen in his life. She stood up. “There is nothing I can do but wait. And use all my resources to make sure the casualties are kept to a minimum. Keep the pawns on the table.”
“It’s all a game to you?” he asked. “That’s all we are to you? Pawns? Moving where you see fit? Who are you playing against, pray tell?”
Hawke sighed again, trying to get back her composure. “I don’t know. Figure of speech. What do you care? You kill hundreds of mages without flinching. You rob them of their minds and magic, all the while claiming it to be the will of the Maker. You don’t know His will.”
“Neither do you,” he countered. He moved towards the door. “Well, I’m leaving. We’ll get nowhere tonight. I apologize, but whatever you summoned me back for isn’t happening. I’ll probably see you tomorrow. Good night.”
Cullen felt flushed but was beginning to calm down again. It felt right to leave now, before he would say or do something he would regret. Her offer lingered in his heart. But he had to stand by his word, else he was nothing. Without his word or his honour, he was nothing.
“Wait!” Hawke strode quickly towards him. “Thank you. For respecting me. Even if I wish you would respect me less.”
Cullen half-smiled. “You’re welcome, Mistress Hawke. Or Amell. I remember what you told me so many weeks ago when we first met. And I’m not about to overstep that one rule of yours.”
“What rule?” said Hawke cocking her head at him. He loved it when she did that.
“You don’t take Templars in your den, do you?” he reminded her.
Hawke chuckled slightly and strode even nearer, their arms touched and he could feel her radiating heat. He stared down at her biting her lower lip and imaging it being replaced by his own. She purred. “Well, we’re not in my den now, are we?”
Cullen didn’t know if he was the one who went for it, or if it was her, but suddenly, their lips had locked together. Her face was in his hands. She was warm, so warm it was unbearable. He put his hands on her, desperate to feel, to know every curve. His hands wandered down to her hips, her ass which he couldn’t help but squeeze. She smiled into his mouth and rewarded him with her tongue, slipping in between his lips, conquering him. It was wrong, so wrong, so against his morals, so against his Templar training, but in this moment, morals and the Order could go fuck themselves. He wanted this. Lust won over duty.
It wasn’t his first time. There was a secret tradition among the Templar recruits, where upon the eve of your initiation, you would lose your virginity to another recruit. He’d been with a female recruit, her name was lost in his memory, but they’d shared the night exploring and learning. The morning after, just before their initiation, they promised to never speak of it again. Then they went their separate ways and he hadn’t thought about her until now. He wondered if she remembered him at all.
She pulled his shirt over his head. He returned the favour tugging her modest dress off her to see those round, pert breasts peeking out at him in the half-lit room. While he was distracted, she pushed against him he fell and she pounced on him, quickly removing her silken trousers as she did. She ground against his groin, and his own trousers suddenly felt too tight. Thankfully she soon made short work of them. He rolled her over onto her back and continued to kiss her fiercely, all while gently exploring her chest, stomach, hips, placing his fingers in between her legs, she moaned and pulled him in deeper.
He had never felt as happy or lucky as he did right now. Her hands were everywhere, touching everywhere, lips caressing where they could, tongues darting in and out of each other’s mouths, legs hooking onto hips, rolling over, feeling, hurting, aching. It was so dream-like Cullen doubted it was even real. Perhaps the Desire demon had ensnared him again? But here she was, fangless, no purple glow, the Spider Queen, wanting him. Wanting to be consumed by him. He wondered if they would do this again or if tonight was all she would give him. If this was all he could get, so be it. There is no hope of resisting now and if he only had one night he’d consider himself lucky until the day he died. She nudged him onto his back, straddled him, took his full length inside her, and all other thoughts fled as he relished the marvellously beautiful woman on top of him.
Their love-making was passionate, desperate, like clinging to life aboard a ship on a stormy sea. He never wanted it to end. The flow of the room changed with every sigh, every moan, and every touch. When it was over, they laid quietly facing each other but without touching. She looked calm, serene, like a burden had been lifted off her. Her purple eyes stared into his. He never wanted it to end, and wondered if the mighty Spider felt the same way. Would she cast him aside now, that she’d gotten what she wanted? The thought seared at his heart before he’d even asked her because he knew what the answer might be. He opened his mouth to say something, but their tender moment was interrupted by a hasty knock on the door.
“Mistress! Master Anders is here to see you!”