Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When (y/n) joined Ouran on a scholarship, they didn't expect to be seated near the "prince" of the school OR the guy who could have destroyed the social lives of every single person in the school if it benefitted him. They also had not expected the aloof blond, Tamaki, to be quite so simple minded yet clever or for the serious one, Kyoya to be a sarcastic little shit that was funnier than anyone seemed to realize. What they had expected LEAST was to have to witness the two of them stealing glances at each other when the other was not looking.

{the seating situation but the desks are slightly closer together}

Tamaki Suoh, only son of the principle and heir to his empire, was far more enthusiastic than any other student (y/n) had encountered but at the same time had a distant and somber look to his face when left alone. He looked at Kyoya the same way a child would look at their first and only friend, like he held the entire world in his eyes.

Kyoya Ootori, (y/n) learnt, was the third son and youngest child of his family. Heir to nothing but regret and a feeling of never being enough, though that was something (y/n) had gathered on their own and did not have to be told. He looked at Tamaki as if he held the key to his salvation, or the last piece of his heart.

Though our dear protagonist was by no means a "loner" and did not have too many issues talking to others once getting past the language barriers, they were by no means close friends with anyone due to the class difference, least of all two of the most influential people in the school.

Having been sat between the two lovebirds-to-be for about a year now, (y/n) was sick of seeing these two idiots ogle each other shamelessly out of their peripherals, sick of walking in late to have their seat hogged by the blond till the teacher walked in, or the two convening at their desk between classes to discuss their club (read: flirt without realising it). They were also fairly certain that Kyoya-san seemed to know how irritated it made (y/n) to be stuck at their seat and not even have some peace and quiet between classes, if the smirks sent their way by the shadow king were any indication. But that wasn't even the worst, no no no. At least THAT made them feel included in some way. What was worse was the fact that NO ONE else seemed to pick up on their little romance. Not even the boys themselves. THEY EVEN HAD THAT "MOMMY AND DADDY" GAG GOING, YET NO ONE EVER ACKNOWLEDGED IT???

Somehow, if there was one thing they knew, it was that these boys deserved the world. And that was exactly what they were going to get. (y/n) would just have to intervene, even if it meant going against all odds

Chapter Text

"Only those with excellent social standing, and those from filthy rich families, are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite private school, Ouran Academy. The Ouran Host Club is where the school's most handsome boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands - Just think of it as Ouran Academy's elegant playground for the super-rich and beautiful."

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It started as all things do- with complete and utter disdain for the state of things and being bothered to the point of taking things into your own hands.

Really, what Kyoya Otoori and Tamaki Suoh did or felt was no one's business but their own. So why was it that their longing stares and poorly concealed feelings frustrated our reader so damn much? It could have been the way neither of them took notice of the other's feelings or (y/n) being stuck smack dab in the middle of the one-sided, bashful staring. It certainly did NOT help that no one else in the student body seemed to share their sentiments in the slightest . And don't even MENTION that "mommy and daddy" gag of theirs. So our dear (y/n) decided to take matters into their own hands.

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"You wish to apply for the position of my assistant as vice president of the host club?” The slightly older male raised a brow at his companion, “While we are more than happy to cater to the whims and fancies of our customers, I do not believe that the position is open, nor that it ever was."

Kyoya Ootori was no stranger to people trying to get an "in" with himself or his peers. Business was, after all, built and fostered through connections. What he did not understand was why the honour roll student in his year - who had never shown interest in the host club before and might have even been somewhat pleasant to talk to - was now interested in being involved.

"Well, yes. That is what I said, is it not? I'm in desperate need of extra credit through club activities, and all other clubs are either at max capacity or just not cut out for me - so really, this is something of a last resort." And they weren't exactly bluffing either - every single word of that spiel was true.

"What about the english literature club and study group? Surely, that is more suited to your skillset."

"Ayanokoji-san would decapitate me socially and emotionally in an instant." At this, the black-haired male seemed to reconsider his earlier suggestion.

"Ah. Of course. and her being banned from the host club would also give you a break from... tolerating her person, yes?"

at this, (y/n) nodded sheepishly. "I do think I'd be able to help diversify and streamline the club's focus based on the demographic as well."

As much as Kyoya wanted to deny these claims - the host club had Haruhi at their disposal after all - he knew that though also a commoner, not only was his current companion slightly higher middle class than Haruhi, they also had a very different outlook. The other student was more perceptive than most and had the uncanny ability to identify and describe others' emotions better than they could, as well as being in good standing with the occult club and several of their more progressive peers.

All that is not to say that the shadow king did not sense the presence of an ulterior motive, but simply that he simply knew he would always have the upper hand when facing an opponent such as this, who had little to gain and everything to lose.

"Well, Kyoya-san? Of course, I am happy to start small with almost any duty, and you do not have to make a decision without thinking it over and discussing it with the others, you're just the VICE president, after all . " Now (y/n) didn't usually make it a habit to antagonize people on purpose, but they'd been around Kyoya enough to know just what made him tick. And THIS was a matter of preserving their sanity.

Kyoya, who had till now been packing up his belongings to make his way to the club room after class, froze for just a moment before plastering on the fakest smile (y/n) had ever seen and turned towards them.

"While i know what you are trying to do, (y/n), I am choosing to ignore that last comment. After all, what makes you so sure you are fit for this job in the first place?” He turned and started walking, gesturing for (y/n) to follow. “If you cannot even handle being in the same clubs as another student, how do you plan to navigate being the target of several of similar young women that will want you out of the club? Besides, you have no prior experience in handling money or organising events, do you?"

‘ Damnit, he has a point!’ - is what they would have thought if they hadn’t already known their senpai would have no qualms going straight for the throat. “Honestly, senpai. It’s like you don’t pay attention to your poor friend here at all! For one, it’s not like I am failing economics you know? And I have far more experience budgeting than most after all.

“Not to mention, I already have a basic understanding of how the host club works because of you as well. Kyoya-san is very good at breaking down concepts and ideas.” That’s right. It was time to use the annoying boy’s own actions against him - maybe he will learn not to bother innocent students just so he does not have to suffer Tamaki's antics alone.

“Tch” Kyoya lightly shook his head in annoyance (though there was a smirk settling on his face) and picked up his pace. He seemed to have either seen this coming or realized that the other student would not give up easily.

(Y/n) might have been smiling (read: grimacing) on the outside, but their head and heart were just about ready to burst.

'Come ON you lovesick idiot, I can NOT take all this contemplation; Just let me help you already!!'

The odd pair came to a stop in front of the needlessly decorative doors of Music Room #3, and finally, Kyoya looked over at our poor, silently suffering protagonist.

AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO CHUCKLE??

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Meanwhile, in music room #3~

“Oh Haaaruhi, daddy’s got you the most wonderful dress for the dance on Friday~”

“Knock it off, senpai. You know I have to dress as a boy to pay off my debt! Besides, Kyoya-senpai will probably add the cost to my quota anyways, damn these rich people.”

“Yeah boss, quit being a weirdo~” “Yeah or we’ll tell mommy you’re wasting club funds again~”

“YOU TWO ARE THE LAST PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY THAT, YOU NO GOOD TROUBLEMAKERS! NOW STOP HANGING OFF MY SWEET DAUGHTER!”

“For the last time senpai, i already Have a dad. I don’t need another one!”

“Hey Takashi, you think this paper is cutesy enough? Should we add some more heart stickers?”

“hm.”

Chapter Text

"The odd pair came to a stop in front of the needlessly decorative doors of Music Room #3, and finally, Kyoya looked over at our poor, silently suffering protagonist.

AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO CHUCKLE??"

'Why would you do this? This is such a terrible idea, I should have just tried to shove them into a closet and locked it till they kissed- Oh god, now you're thinking in second person AND trusting rom-coms. Not to mention Kyoya senpai could probably ruin our life in a heartbeat. Even if there's not any truly incriminating information or actions tied to us-'

It might be a good time to mention that through the doors of the (allegedly abandoned) music room, one could hear faint shouting getting progressively louder as if about to reach a crescendo. 

It may also be a great time to mention that this had worsened (y/n)'s nerves enough to make them visibly frazzled.

Their thoughts are interrupted by a chuckle from the other boy's direction.

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*silence*

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a manager of sorts-"

'Oh, thank f*ck. My only other option was seducing senpai's sister, and she's married. Wait.'

"Really? thank you SO much Kyoya-senpai, I won't let you -" Kyoya, who seemed to be making it a habit to interrupt (y/n)'s thoughts AND ramblings, cut in with the worst words you could hear out of the shadow king's mouth.

"NOT so fast, you absolute child. There will of course be conditions - Do NOT interrupt me - which we will discuss inside. "

'THAT HYPOCRITE" >:(

"Fine then, lead the way, your highness." Somehow, that seemed to gain (y/n) a smile from their classmate, which was both delightful and downright terrifying in its own right.

Magically, Kyoya actually cooperated and threw open the double doors EFFORTLESSLY. Only (y/n) to be... Pelted with rose petals and glitter? 

'Why is the whole room pink? Why is there so much glitter and roses and-' " ACKH-" 

The poor student started heaving and coughing their lungs out due to being assaulted by the most potent stench of perfume they had ever endured, while Kyoya - the smug bastard that he is - laughed at their misery.

Every single person in the room stopped whatever argument they seemed to be having as their vice president cleared his throat.

'Oh so just screw me dying over here, huh?' The breathless student kept heaving as Kyoya talked to his club members, only stopping to look up as they felt eyes on them. At some point, Kyoya had gestured expectantly at (y/n), and now everyone was staring into their empty soul. Everyone, it seems, but a certain brunette that was trying to look reassuring but only managing a horrified expression. 

"hI." is all the student managed to strangle out before collapsing onto a conveniently placed chair.

~After a well-needed glass of water~

One of the twins - Kaoru? The other one was hanging off Haruhi's shoulder - carried away a needlessly pretty glass now devoid of water as Tamaki got into (y/n)'s personal space.

"So~ Mommy dearest said you had a proposition for the host king, is that so?"

(y/n) tried to squish themself further into the chair provided to them as they answered, "Technically, I had a proposition for vice prez, but I guess you ARE the deciding authority... Look, I need to join a club, and I KNOW how overworked Kyoya-senpai is, so I just thought I could help out here? Wouldn't it be nice to take some weight off 'mommy's shoulders? please, Tamaki-kun?" They gave him their best puppy dog eyes and wobbly lip. Total overkill, considering the boy was whipped AND couldn't say no to someone who needed help, but whatever.

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Tamaki had pulled back and stood up straight (ha!) in a 'thinking' pose, the one that usually comes right before him having a lightbulb moment and making a fool of himself.

"Are you. . . going to say something?" They could SEE Kyoya's smug expression from here, damn it. 'Kyoya-senpai's clearly already made up his mind, so I'm not too worried, but I'd rather blondie be happy about this too, or else *shiver*... they'll never find my body.'

Finally, the slightly (very) aggravating blond let out a sigh. 'No seriously, what are YOU sighing for when I'm the one about to be killed by your not-boyfriend for bothering you?'

"well, as king of the host club it is my duty to make every one of our patrons happy, and that includes our favourite classmate-"

'favourite classmate? yeah right, more like the only one that won't kick you off their seat every morning'

"but! I'm afraid we can't make a commitment like that since you don't have experience with the club, and Kyoya chan ("-CHAN???") will have to spend more time teaching you everything than working so-"

"WAIT, HOLD UP, I know more than enough to be okay working with minimal guidance, you two literally hog my desk all day to talk about the host club!!! AND I'm good with collaborative documents and excel AND with creative stuff, just - give me a chance." 'i cannot take another day being unable to stop this stupid pining, please let luck be on my side.'

Tamaki blinked once. Twice. (y/n) swore they saw a lightbulb go off in his head.

"Oh. So that's why you look familiar."

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"Kyoya-senpai I am going to punch your petit ami right in the face if he's being serious."

Chapter Text

Tamaki blinked once. Twice. (y/n) swore they saw a lightbulb go off in his head.

"Oh. So that's why you look familiar."

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"Kyoya senpai i am going to punch your petit ami right in the face if he's being serious."

 Every Single Day, you invade my personal space and steal my desk, AND YOU DON'T EVEN RECOGNISE ME?"

[(Y/n) had to be physically restrained from throttling one Very Guilty Tamaki while Haruhi gave them a subtle thumbs-up]

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"So not only are we hosting a soiree in the, what, third week of the semester? But we are also setting up a girl with her fiancé? aren't they both, what, 15 at max??"

Kyouya continues writing in his ominous black notebook as (y/n) questions their seniors.

"Mm." 

"Where?? do you find these people?? (mumbles) rich people drama istg" They pick a heart-shaped sticker from a large sticker sheet, handing it to honey-who promptly sticks it onto Mori's forehead.

Kyouya finally looks up from his probably-completely-normal note-taking and looks at his watch as he speaks. "You realize Kasugazaki-san is a musical prodigy and sits One table away from you most lunch periods?"

(y/n) slowly inches away from the bespectacled boy and closer to Mori.

"Ohhhhhh the girl that looks at teacups a little too longingly, right? Also I'm not even going to question why you know that second part."

'just because it's right doesn't mean they have to say it!!!' "please do not say that in front of our guest, else we might just have to start fining you."

The twins plopped onto the couch in front of the four, clearly bored of whatever their blond leader was whining about.

"Wait you don't even know who kanako-san is?" "Yeah what are you doing at a host club if you don't know the guests?" 

"In my defence-"

(y/n) was once again interrupted by the hosts' (barre Haruhi) heads perking up as they shushed them and rushed into position in front of the double doors of the clubroom.

"???" 'what are they, blood-hounds?'

A young brunette with a short bob walked in, looking half-distracted even as Tamaki swooped in to welcome and thank her.

Mori and honey directed a confused Haruhi to the middle of the conveniently empty area in the middle of the room, presumably for non-sacrificial reasons. if one (such as our protagonist) glanced at one Kyouya Ootori's face, you could see his brows just slightly furrowed, and his mouth pulled back into a tight smile as he looked at Tamaki. Said boy had moved on to sulking in a corner not far from where the new non-host was seated, and the rest of the club followed suit once Haruhi and Kanako-san began their dance lesson.

Haruhi had just fallen onto their unwitting "client" when one of the twins spoke up.  “ Why so gloomy, boss? ”

Hikaru - as far as (y/n) could tell - smirked,   “ I bet it’s because  he  wanted to be the one Haruhi practices with. ”

The new assistant glanced at Kyouya at this to gauge his reaction, but he had already been glaring at them (uh oh).

“ I think you may be right, but he’s way too tall to stand in as a woman. ”

At this, Kyouya needlessly pushed his glasses further up his nose for dramatic effect (and it worked).

"That said, he can use that energy to teach our newest member to dance, unless you have prior expreience, of course."

"Wait, i'm just an assistant, i'm not going to have time to dance with your guests, much less any reason! besides-"

"are you saying you aren't dedicated to being a part of the club? we hold our members to very high standards, you know."

(Damn vice prez, interrupting me with his completely reasonable points.)

(y/n) sighed before attempting a last-ditch effort, "I am  not  paying for dance lessons I won't need and don't want, though."

"Well then, we'll count it as an exchange- I don't have to deal with Tamaki's whining, and you can learn to dance~"

Oh no.

"But daddy can't bear to dance beside his little girl while she's taught by some stranger. no, I shan't have it!" For once, the blond's words sounded like a blessing to our protagonist. (score!!) But not for long~

Unfortunately, Hitachiin Kaoru and Hitachiin Hikaru were on the same wavelength, and that has only ever meant trouble.

The redheads grabbed (y/n) by the shoulders (but not kyouya because he's just that scary) and dragged them to their feet. " well now, as the vice president of the host club- " " it's your duty to teach the newbie when the boss is busy " " right, Kyouya-senpai? " the twins were rising quickly to the top of (y/n)'s hitlist as they mentally pleaded Mori-senpai to take Kyouya's place instead.

Kyouya, just as annoyed at the others, seemed to have already seen this coming and was already getting up. "I suppose I have no choice then, you  are  my responsibility after all. I suggest you follow my directions clearly to prevent any... mishaps."

( this is it. Kyouya Ootori is going to bury me alive.)

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While their dancing lesson went "smoothly", (y/n) had actually spent the entire time nervous under the boy's calculating glare, but was also too scared to mess up by stepping on his feet. the boy looked them in the eyes as they made their way to Kanako and Haruhi, and said, in the most nonchalant way possible, "oh and next time, try to watch your tongue, or I can't guarantee I will be as forgiving." with that, he smiled and used his ridiculously long legs to speed-walk to his not-boyfriend.

Mori senpai, catching up with (y/n) found them standing still, white as a sheet. "??"

"Mori-senpai I think I just narrowly avoided death" the tall boy turned his gaze to Kyouya, who was now handing Haruhi a tray with tea and snacks. "hm." Mori looked back at the other student for a moment before nodding in understanding ( of what??? ).

The two took their places beside the other hosts as Haruhi thanked Kanako, “ Thank you so much for allowing me to practice with you. I really appreciate it. ”

“ Oh, no problem. I heard that you’re not seeing any customers today so that you could practice dancing. I’m glad I got to spend this time alone with you. ”  Kanako took a sip of the offered tea before stopping to look at it in a weirdly fond way.  “ Oh my. This is a new tea set, isn’t it? It’s Ginori. ”  

Haruhi shared a confused look with a curious (y/n) before questioning the other girl. "What's that?"

However, the commoner's question was interrupted by the king of interruption himself- Kyouya Ootori. “ You have a keen eye, Mademoiselle. In fact, we just received them yesterday. We decided it was about time for the club to upgrade its tea sets. ”

“ I see. What a pretty color. Lovely. ”

Haruhi raised an eyebrow at the longing look the brunette gave her teacup,  “ You must be  really  into tableware, huh? ”

( Fujioka you dense, dense child, she's clearly sensitive about the topic. oh, AND thinking about her fiancé. wait, did anyone even tell Haruhi about her love life? )

Kanako set her cup down a little too hard onto the table, enough to make the commoners wince at the possibility of cracking.  “ Not really, I mean no of course I’m not! Whatever would give you that idea? ”  the girl forced a strained smile.

'wow, defensive much?'

(y/n), keen to save both the girl and her friend Haruhi from further embarrassment, joined the conversation. "Oh, I suppose it's just because we don't really see a lot of people that can identify and appreciate fine china unless they are hobbyists or collectors is all."

at that moment, several things happened-

Kyouya quickly wrote down what was probably a note about giving the club's resident commoners a crash course in tableware and cutlery; Tamaki put together the pieces to a puzzle he didn't even realize existed; and the ridiculous double doors to the clubroom opened to reveal one very regular (and borderline forgettable) Toru Suzushima.

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“Hello? I’m here with the new teacups you ordered.”

Chapter Text

The ridiculous double doors to the clubroom swung open to reveal one very regular (and borderline forgettable) Toru Suzushima.

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“ Hello? I’m here with the new teacups you ordered. ”

'Well this should be interesting...'  Kanako went on high alert as soon as she heard that voice, and Kyouya made a (very obvious) scheming face before sauntering over to meet Toru Suzushima halfway.

“ Ah, thank you very much. Every item you’ve just chosen for us has been extremely popular with the ladies. I’m quite impressed ”,  He took the boxed tea set into his own arms and directed the boy-of-the-hour closer to their other "guest".

Suzushima expressed his relief as a flicker of what (y/n) could only hope to be understanding shone in her eyes.

 “ So, do you sell tea sets? ” 'Damnit Haruhi, of all the days to not be using your contacts.'

“ No. I’m just a regular student. Can’t you tell by the uniform? ” The boy sweatdropped as he lingered unnecessarily by the table.

Kanako actually BARKED with laughter at that, and patted Haruhi on the back, “ Oh, Haruhi. You’re so funny. I can’t blame you for not knowing- ” she stood up and turned, "-After all, he doesn’t really look like an heir to a first-class company."

'i REALLY don't want to stick around to witness their lovers "quarrel" right now' (y/n) tried to discretely scoot backwards and escape through the door to the dark arts club, but was stopped by a VERY smug Kyouya. he leaned downs slightly and whispered, "You don't really think you can bail out early on your second day after that little comment earlier, do you?"

And so they moved back to their previous position beside the Hitachiin twins with minimal protest and slowly tuned back into the conversation.

"- ridiculous! We hardly know each other and what makes you say that, Haruhi? Now, if you’ll please excuse me! Take care! ” The brunette power-walked out of the room and the club members could hear the slap of her heels on the marble floors as she sprinted away once out of sight.

after not even a beat, honey jumped on Haruhi's back ( 'I am SO glad that is not me' ) “ Haru-chan! Guess what? They do know each other! Suzushima is Kasugasaki’s fiance! ”

" So you really didn't know, huh?" (y/n) looked back just as Tamaki sprung into action.

“ Kyoya. ” " hm?" “ How long have you known about this? ”

"about the two of them being engaged?" he flipped back to some page in his Black Book of Secrets, “ Well, as you know I conduct general searches on all of our customers. The two of them were childhood friends. It seems that their engagement was arranged by their parents. I didn’t think the information would benefit us. So, I disregarded it. ”

'Like hell you disregarded it, you knew exactly what Tamaki would want to do and you already started to prep your plans with Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai!!'

“ I see. ” Tamaki looks somewhat thoughtful as Kyouya pulls up what looks like personally compiled student biodata and recites from it. “ Toru Suzushima. Outstanding grades, bare social status. He’s ordinary-looking, but he’s reliable. If I had to fault him for anything- ”

And suddenly he's flanked by Hikaru and Kaoru, as per their signature pose.

“ He doesn’t have much presence. ” Hikaru speaks up first, as usual, followed by Kaoru, “ And he’s faint-hearted. ”

“ So in other words, he’s boring. ” The vice-prez finishes for them as he snaps his folder shut.

'Merciless as ever, but I have to admit they're spot on.'

(y/n) shares a look with Haruhi to confirm they're thinking the same thing, before standing up and walking over to the fired-up blond. "Alright, what's the plan chief?" 

“ Men, it is our responsibility as members of the elite Ouran Host Club to make every girl happy! ”

~~~ Some Days Later~~~

(y/n) stood at the bottom of the stairs, equipped with a bag full of bandaids, water bottles, glucose, and an emergency pack of cookies, while the hosts made their little welcome speech. It was finally time to be useful, and maybe get the mommy-daddy duo to dance if time allows.

the hosts made their way down to where they were standing, bickering as usual.

“ Well, excuse me, you guys. Sorry I’m not used to this sort of thing - I’ve only ever gone to the festivals held in my neighbourhood park! ” ( 'well I HAVE been to fancier weddings so I can't really defend you there, bud.' )

“ I don’t think you can really consider that a party... Well, since you’re already here, you might as well get yourself something to eat. We’ve got quite a spread. ”

"A spread? with fancy tuna?" at this, every club member paused in their tracks, and (y/n), who had been on their way to grab the shorter girl a plate, shook their head. Haruhi had just supplied these boys with a major weakness that would be exploited.

Kyouya's pen literally snaps in half as the boys spring into motion.

“ Get some fancy tuna here right now! ”

“Add some deluxe sushi.” (surprise surprise, he's already on the phone)

The twins hugged an embarrassed Haruhi as (y/n) gave Mori a plate of the healthier snacks to carry for himself and honey, knowing the latter would otherwise eat desserts exclusively.

Sometime later, the student flags down a very flushed Tamaki crowded by girls even as he dances.

"Ah, excuse me. Excuse me, girls!!" they hand the boy a bottle of cool water as they address the crowd while holding a plate, "Tamaki's been dancing a while. would you girls be so kind as to make sure he eats something solid? he's been so busy making sure everything is perfect for you all that I don't think he's eaten at all today, and we don't want him to fall sick, do we?"

(y/n) handed the plate to the one closest to him as the gaggle of fans begins cooing at the boy and taking turns feeding him as they walked away.

('Next stop, hikaru and kaoru')

(y/n) is content to find that the two have already taken a sort of break from dancing, and are showing off(?) instead.

"beep beep, special delivery for Kaoru and Hikaru Hitachiin!!" the twins, and by extension their fangirls, turn their heads in the direction of the new voice as (y/n) quickly hands a plate each to the brothers. 

"Sweet and spicy chicken for Kaoru, and some pasta for Hikaru. of course, I brought enough for you guys to share too." they then dug two water bottles out of their bag and handed them to the girls closest to them, "And, of course, some water since you've been dancing so long!! You girls take care of them now, byeeee."

(y/n) proceeded to once again speedwalk away from the large cluster of people, completely missing the dumbfounded looks on the twin hosts' faces.

('Okay, just two to go now. Then I should be fine to just find a quiet place to sit and watch the drama unfold.')

They had just grabbed a plate full of snacks for Kyouya (who is technically more their boss than Tamaki) when they were dragged over to an empty classroom by honey and Mori.

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"Huh." (y/n) watched silently as the hosts shoved a dress into Haruhi's arms and told her- or him?- to change, before walking over to their last v̶i̶c̶t̶i̶m̶ target. Plate in hand, they stood before the boy and waited for him to shift his attention to them.

"When was the last time you ate? Or drank anything?"

"you realise you don't have to interrogate me to get me to eat?"

"So it was before you arrived to oversee the preparations for the party, then."

"Make your point, (y/n)-san, we are on a schedule."

"Just eat what's on the plate, you absolute workaholic. And here, I got you some of that fancy coffee too." Handing him the plate and a travel mug they procured out of thin air, (y/n) stepped back and leaned on a nearby table.

They focused on Haruhi's newly revealed getup, once again missing the other character's side-eyed glance in their direction as he took a sip of his newly acquired coffee.

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"I swear to- Listen, if you pull anything shady tonight, I Will sell your bones to morally disturbing and ambiguous sources, vice prez."

"Well you're an absolute delight today, aren't you?"

Chapter Text

They focused on Haruhi's newly revealed getup, once again missing the other character's side-eyed glance in their direction as he took a sip of his newly acquired coffee.

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" -ask how he feels, okay? ”

The twins moved on to doing her makeup surprisingly well as they chattered on, “ Uh, we know this is the boss’ strategy, but it’s kind of unsettling... ”

"What's actually unsettling is how you two are better at makeup than half the girls in this school, really." (y/n) moved closer to observe their work as they spoke, when Tamaki finally decided to show up.

*swoosh*

He threw open the doors in one fluid motion, “ Gentlemen. Here you all are. What are you doing? The guests are waiting for you- ”  Aaaand he finally noticed Haruhi. (The bi panic is real with this one if you couldn't tell.) Tamaki continued to stutter as (y/n) snuck a glance at an amused kyouya. 

'Good to know he's not the jealous type, I suppose.'

“ So, what do you think, boss? ”

Haruhi waddled to the door awkwardly as Honey-senpai and the twins cooed at her. 

"My face feels heavy and it’s hard to walk in these shoes. ” She makes a face at the hosts as the twins herd her out the doors.

“ A little accident towards the end of the night would be quite thrilling. And remember, Haruhi, your time limit is twenty minutes before the party reaches its climax. Suzushima is already waiting for you in the classroom across the hall. ”

"Isn't that a little... risky having him so close?" (y/n)'s words went unheard as the twins wish the brunette good luck.

“ I can’t believe it. She’s so cute… ”  

(oh, Tamaki...)

"wait"

(y/n) turned to the megane character slowly, and hissed at him.

"I swear to- Listen, if you pull anything shady on that kid, I Will sell your bones to morally disturbing and ambiguous sources, vice prez."

"Well you're an absolute delight today, aren't you?"

.

.

.

A quiet Toru Suzushima was standing in a dimly lit room, staring through one of the large windows, its only source of light, when Haruhi, in her fully wigged and made-up glory, walked in.

He gasped quietly as he turned to face her, “ Oh, you’re the one who wrote this letter? You seem totally different from what I imagined. ”

"Letter?" Haruhi trailed off as the boy produced a folded piece of paper from his blazer, handing it to her.

“ I’m in love, love!

 From the first time I saw you, I’ve been head over heels in love! teehee~

 It’s like my heart is stuck in a neverending typhoon. All these feelings of love keep flipping around in my heart like breaking waves! 

When the typhoon’s rising waters come, I want to rendezvous with you on Noah’s Ark! I do! I do! ”

'Who would write such a stupid letter?'

The letter was in Honey-senpai's writing, littered with drawings and stickers, but the words...

The words came unmistakenly from Hikaru and Kaoru. (And Kyouya, though Haruhi would never have guessed).

A few meters away, Tamaki led an unsuspecting Kanako to the same room.

“ You know, you’re not the type of girl who’s good at manipulating others. ”

"huh?"

.

.

.

Meanwhile, the other hosts returned to the party, (y/n) trailing off after the twins with a certain request that spelt their doom.

"Heyyy, Hikaru-kun, Kaoru-kun..."

"What's with the sudden honourifics?" Hikaru slung an arm over the teen's shoulder as Kaoru followed suit.

"Yeah, you never respect us like this." The two had a deadpan look on their face, but (y/n) quickly saw the underlying disappointment and betrayal.

"Wait, hear me out!! I have a plan, but I can't do it alone. And you two are my best bet with this. You see..."

As they hastily explained their plan, the twins' expressions relaxed, before morphing into matching devious grins.

" we'll do it."

"On one condition," (y/n)'s face went slack in surprise. ('Oh no')

"You have to play..."

"The 'Which One Is Hikaru?' game!!"  

"Oh. Okay."

.

.

.

Kanako and Toru seem to have sorted their issues while dancing by the time the hosts assemble back at top of the stairs, this time with their new club member.

Kanako gasps as she and her fiance are suddenly blinded by spotlights directed right at them.

“ It is now time for us to begin the final dance of this evening festivities. The last waltz of the night has been chosen by the host club for this couple. ” Tamaki makes the announcement before joining most of the hosts on the dance floor.

He makes a beeline for Haruhi, who is standing by the twins and kyouya at the refreshments table, most likely to try and steal a dance while the guests are preoccupied.

"May I have this dance, my lady?" He extends a hand to the once-again-crossdressing host, but she is pulled away before she can answer.

"Sorry boss, the kid hasn't had a chance to eat any of the fancy tuna yet, and the party's almost over. maybe another time!" (y/n) hand Haruhi a plate of food as the twins take over and push the shadow king into the blond boy's arms and shove them to the middle of the dance-floor.

"Hey, I'm only a few months younger than you!"

"Sorry senpai!"

"It's kinda rude to leave a man hanging, you know~"

Kyouya Ootori, with all the patience of a saint, glared at his assistant who was surely behind this act and braced his face into a tight smile. He corrected his posture and resignedly began to dance with the host club king, almost blending in with the crowd if it weren't for a few girls gawking and giggling giddily at the scene.

after a disappointingly short amount of time, the hosts gathered back at the stairs, Kyouya standing menacingly beside his "assistant" and smiling right at them.

Tamaki sighed contently, whether it was due to his recent dancing experience or at the newly reconciled couple was anyone's guess. “ Ah, may this awkward couple be forever blessed! ”

Hikaru took the mic with one hand, holding a banana peel with the other. ('Well that can't be good news.') “ And now we’ll announce the Queen of the ball!"

“ Congratulations, Princess Kanako Kasugazaki! ”

Everyone claps as Hikaru continues speaking, his hand now suspiciously empty.

“ And for her reward, a kiss on the cheek from the King! ”

“ Haruhi Fujioka will stand in for Tamaki! ”

“ Dah!? ” The two looked at each other and then the twins in surprise.

The twins put up their arms defensively, “ Kyoya did say a little accident towards the end of the night might make the night more thrilling for everyone! ”

('I thought we already took care of that??')

To her credit, Kanako looked as conflicted as Haruhi, and Toru put a comforting hand on her back. “ It’s just on the cheek, right? You should accept it. It will commemorate your graduation from host hopping. ”

Haruhi still had doubts, however, “ There’s no way I can kiss her! ”

“ If you do it, we’ll cut your debt by a third. ”

"Kyouya-san!!"

“ Well, it is just a peck on the cheek. ”  

"Haruhi!"

Haruhi stepped down the stairs toward Kanako, while (y/n) whined about rich people exploiting the (only slightly) younger commoner.

Haruhi slowly cups Kanako's face in her hands as Honey-senpai pipes up. “ Hey, you don't think this is Haru-chan’s first kiss, do you? ”

"I don't think cheek kisses count that way?" the more level-headed (y/n tries to add, but the damage is done.

Tamaki quickly loses all colour from his face and starts sprinting toward the two girls.

“ Wait, Haruhi! ” The boy trips on the banana peel Hikaru (unsophisticatedly) had discarded earlier, bumping into the brunettes and causing them to kiss. On the lips. Which is a worse outcome than the one he was trying to prevent.

"Huh?" Toru suzushima utters his last words on-screen, unsure of how to react, while girls all around start squealing and blushing.

Haruhi pulls back and apologises profusely, as Kanako waives her off for the accident. the hosts, soon joined by Haruhi, tease and admonish Tamaki for his actions.

"-Besides, who Haruhi kisses and how is for Haruhi to decide, not you. Really, you need to understand that-"

Haruhi looked up at the sky, thinking of the events of the past week. 'I never would have thought I end up giving my first kiss to another girl. But it was such an amazing night.'

She looks at a crying Tamaki surrounded by the host club, at all the girls cooing over Kanako, and smiles. “ So, I guess it’s just as well. ”

.

.

.

*by the school entrance as the hosts insist on dropping the two commoners off after the evening*

"Haru-chan, it's really late!!"

"Guys it's okay, really, I'm fine!"

(y/n) stands slightly off to the side, weighing their options. On one hand, they could just get a cab, maybe drop off Haruhi on the way considering the girl didn't want to give her address to the hosts yet (not that Kyouya couldn't easily find out if he wanted, of course), but then they could just call someone, but the hosts might feel obligated to wait with them (Unlikely, considering they were preoccupied with Haruhi at the moment). Before they could make their decision, however, their thoughts were interrupted by a hand resting on their shoulder.

"hmh??" (y/n) turned abruptly to see the shadow king beside them, probably ready to devour their soul. "It wasn't me!! Whatever you think i did anyways, not that I'd be deflecting out of guilt-"

Kyouya just smirked as he tilted his head, "I have informed your parents we will be escorting you back, so you needn't worry about that. "

'THAT JUST IMPLIES THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE TO WORRY ABOUT!'

Unfortunately, (y/n) wasn't one to reject hospitality from their rich club members. They followed the boy to his car and silently slid into the back seat after him.

"You realise I ought to rescind your position in the club after your little stunt , yes? Unfortunately, it did lead to increased positive feedback from the ladies, so I will have to overlook it just this time. "

"The twins snitched?"

"The twins snitched."

"Well, you did say a little accident towards the end of the night would be thrilling. And I knew you would do something at Haruhi's expense, so..."

The boy adjusted his glasses as he huffed. "I suppose I did underestimate you."

"thank you?"

"I will admit you were somewhat useful during the event itself as well. But don't think you're off the hook for today and the comment from earlier either."

(y/n) hummed at that and the two sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Wait, did I ever even give you my address?"

"I think you already know the answer to that."

"I do." They fidgeted for a few moments before deciding what to say next, "Tamaki-kun's face when i pulled Haruhi away was funny though, right?"

"... I suppose so."

"Was your petit-ami any good at dancing, at least?"

"Get out of the car."

"Aw but I bet you had fun~"

"Out."

Chapter Text

Tuesday-

*After being accepted for a trial run of working with the host club*

"Okay google, how do you use a spreadsheet?"

"Alright, this seems easy enough. so now I just-

.

.

.

DAMNIT!"

~~~~~

Wednesday-

"Kyouya-san have you cross referenced the list of allergies and food preferences for the guests with the menu yet?"

"While that is the job of the catering service, yes. I have."

"Oh. Can I help with decorations then? I'm done doing inventory for tomorrow."

"... Fine, I suppose you commoners would be useful to find a way to stay under budget."

"Thank you?"

.

.

.

"Senpai why does the school have a hall this big?"

"Why do you insist on calling me senpai?"

"It pisses off your- tamaki-kun. it pisses off the boss."

"The  boss  is also the one with the final say in whether you stay or we feed you to the wolves."

"do- do you  have-"

.

.

.

"Why don't we just get some fairy lights for the outdoor area? Those will be pretty cheap, AND we can reuse them for the clubroom. The Black Magic club just got some recently too~"

"I'm not sure that makes the convincing argument you think it does."

.

.

.

"Tamaki-kun do we really need to hire an entire orchestra for a school dance?"

"Ohoho, my dear apprentice-"  ("I'm not your apprentice though? whatever.")  "A gentleman must not spare any expense or effort when catering to such fair maidens, much less when the wellbeing of such a lovely couple is at stake!"

"Okay, first- speakers and recorded music exist. Second- why do you talk Like That, you know, all patronisingly? Oh and thirdly, you didn't even know about this lovely couple till your 'mommy dearest' told you about them?? OW-"

"I heard that."

"Killjoy."

.

.

.

"Kyouya-san why do I feel like you're punishing me for something by making me learn how to dance?"

"you realise I took to learning french after meeting tamaki, right?"

" o h ."

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"Haaaaruhiiiiiiii, your senpai is so scary~"

"Maybe don't piss him off after begging to join the club then."

"Hmph. Meanie."

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.

"Man, if i didn't know about her fiance, her obsession with teacups would be so much more concerning, huh?"

"What's so concerning about it, (y/n)-senpai?"

"No."

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"Mori-senpai, what's it like being so tall? I bet you never have to worry about getting lost in big crowds!!"

"... I guess not."

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Thursday-

"Tamaki-kun, why did a gaggle of schoolgirls think I am capable of harassing you into letting me join the club?"

*gasp* "My dear second child would neve-"

"I mean realistically I'd just need to cry a little while telling you my sob story, or say something about being a good influence on Haruhi."

*Tamaki deflated mode activated*

"Now, now, (y/n), no need to bruise his fragile ego before club hours."

"MOMMY!"

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.

.

"Wait. Shit. I forgot to ask Tamaki-kun what I should be wearing tomorrow."

"Hm? Oh, formals should do."

"I mean, yeah, but how formal? i have a suit and some dresses, but do i need to match the club?"

"Awwww, we'd have been happy to let you loan a suit if you asked earlier~"

"I don't think anything you could have had would fit properly, anyways, I guess I'll just wear my suit since it's black."

.

.

.

"Wait so they're just putting you in a dress and wig? Won't anyone recognise you?"

"(y/n) senpai do you really think rich people pay attention to anyone other than themselves?"

"touche, haruhi. So, Ranka-san is just okay with you attending a party late at night when he can't come pick you up?"

"Senpai i'll be fine, i'm used to going everywhere on my own."

"doesn't mean i have to like it! you're still only barely 16 you know..."

"I'll be fine, promise."

"you better. I'll see you tomorrow then!"

.

.

.

Friday~

"Wow, you look like shit, Kyouya-san."

"You must be mistaking me for a mirror, (y/n)-san."

"No, seriously, did you sleep at all?"

"Go take your seat before the teacher arrives, (y/n)-san."

"I'm telling Tamaki-kun you're not taking care of yourself~"

"Tamaki is not my mother, and neither are you, now please let me be in peace"

.

.

.

"Woahhh, aren't  you  extra chipper today, boss-man?"

"Oh, I could hardly sleep thinking of all the love that will be blooming tonight!!"

('Oh, love will be blooming, alright. As long as I can get to the twins in time.')

"Man, I'm sure Kyouya-san would love to share some of your energy right about now, he seemed really tired when I greeted him in class just earlier. You want to switch seats for today?"

"(y/n)... mon ami(e)... So cosiderate!!! Oh, daddy is so proud of you!!"

"????? TAMAKI PUT ME DOWN!"

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.

.

"Alright, I'll head to the floor while you guys make your speech, yeah? Holler if you need anything." (y/n) heads down a small staircase at the side of the grand ballroom (that for some reason graced their school grounds), and slipped inside.

('I'm glad i went for my simple suit, because i would have been  severely  overdressed otherwise.')

.

.

.

"W e'll do it."

"On one condition,"  (y/n)'s face went slack in surprise.  ('Oh no')

"You have to play..."

"The 'Which One Is Hikaru?' game!!"  

"Oh. Okay."

" Oh, okay?  What kind of under-reaction is that?"

"Well, I was expecting something more sinister I think, but I guess that's because I usually only piss off Kyouya-san."

"you know"

"you do have a lot of guts to be so casual all the time-"

"-especially with the shadow king."

"I mean? he's not that scary if you're not a  threat , since he's not the kind of person to ruin your life for fun, is he? Plus he's pretty funny if you're not the one his comments are directed at. Anyhow, we should really move this along if we want to make it in time, yeah?"

"Sure."

The twins take out their green caps from who-knows-where and twirl around (y/n) to make them lose track of which twin is which.

"Okay, now which one is Hikaru?"

(y/n) took a few moments to look intently at the twins and think about their answer.

"The one on my right should be Kaoru, and the one on my left should be Hikaru, I think."

"Wow, you're not even sure?"

"Well I haven't known the two of you long but... I'm trying and i just don't want to be wrong about this, not just because of this little plan, but also because you two are my friends!"

"..."

The twins look at each other for a moment and nod,  "Alright, we'll do it."

"Huh? You're not gonna tell me if I was right?"

"You're trying, and that's what matters right now."

"I... Thank you but then how will I know if I was wrong?"

The twins look at each other again before smiling and walking ahead of (y/n) back to the ballroom.

As they rush to catch up to the twins, they don't see them take off their caps and set their hair back to how it was styled, proving (y/n) was indeed correct.

.

.

.

"(y/n)-senpai, why do I get the feeling this was your doing?"

"What was?"

Haruhi gestures vaguely at Tamaki and Kyouya dancing together as the girls around them ogle the boys with hearts in their eyes.

"Haru dear, would you rather switch places with Kyouya-san right now? Because I'm sure Tamaki-kun would LOVE a do-over with you in that dress."

". . . I have no idea what you're talking about." Haruhi turns on their heel and walks away. Leaving behind their uneaten fancy tuna.

"... Can't say I didn't try." (y/n) shakes their head, glancing down at the plate of food in their hands.

.

.

.

*in the car with Kyouya*

"Are you going to add the cost of that pen to Haruhi's debt?"

". . . I  will  admit I hadn't thought of that before you said it."

"I won't mention it if you don't."

Chapter Text

'It's been a couple weeks since that party... I heard Kanugazaki-san gushing about the letters Tooru-san and her have been exchanging. Though, I have to wonder- do these rich people not have phones?? So why pay for express mail when you can save money?'

.

.

.

"So half of you are wearing traditional Japanese clothing, but the rest of you will be in western server/waiter outfits? How does that even work together?"

"As long as Tamaki-senpai doesn't try to shove me in a maid dress I'm fine with the theme." Haruhi shivered at the mental image provided, and (y/n) chuckled at the idea it gave them.

"Kyouya-san can we put the boss in a maid dress?"

"Wait, can we?"  The twins chimed in from across the table on which the host club was sat at after club hours.

Kyouya seemed to consider the request and file the idea away for later before refusing and guiding the hosts (and assistant) back to the topic at hand.

"We should take full advantage of the sakura in full bloom!! After all, these flowers represent our budding youth, the incandescent beauty, unrivalled by any other... yes, we MUST. And... I've always wanted to experience a cherry blossom viewing with my family..."

The entire club looked at Tamaki with resolve in their eyes, already convinced.

Kyouya,  ever  the optimist, added, "Additionally, these special themed receptions are always well received with the ladies, boosting our popularity and income by 13% through themed merchandise and memorabilia."  (Read: I found an excuse to pander to every request of my idiot crush and I  will  stick to it till the end of time.)

"That means we can have lots of sweets and tea outside, right Takashi?"

"hm."

.

.

.

Since officially joining the host club, (y/n)'s new duties had expanded into a few simple tasks:

• Check in with the hosts at the end of the day and take inventory of supplies the club was running low on, along with special requests, before sending the list to Kyouya;
• Input all special reservations and planned guests for the day in a shared excel sheet with any required information, and make sure they were pencilled into the physical records.
• Double-check any documents to do with the club once Kyouya was done with them (not that he needed it).
• Just help around in general.

So a lot to do with trying to lighten the shadow king's workload- which was precisely their excuse for joining the club, and what won over Tamaki.

Things they had started doing on their own, however, were more things like pestering Kyouya and the twins outside of club hours (Kyouya was sent regular reminders to sleep on time, which went mostly ignored, and unexpected gossip about their classmates, while the twins were just fun to hang around and send memes to); talking to Honey and Mori while sneaking some snacks, and trying to knock some sense into Tamaki. Some of these tasks were, of course, more frequent than others.

The people they had gotten closer to since starting their new position were surprisingly Mori, Kaoru and Hikaru, and Kyouya himself. Which of course left Tamaki- the second half of the couple (y/n) was trying to bring closer.

.

.

.

Unsurprisingly, Ouran Academy had a large open field lined with strategically placed Sakura trees, which were at the time in full bloom. The soft pink petals fluttered gently with the wind, aided generously by the fake petals and hidden fans supplied by the host club.

(y/n) had just carted out some new teaware for the guests when the day's drama began to amp up.

*plink*

"ah!"  Kaoru gasped as his and Hikaru's guests made various sounds of exaggerated shock and concern.

"Kaoru!"  Hikaru kissed Kaoru's boo-boo and began their brotherly love act as Tamaki preened at his guests in the background. "Geez… It’s because you were looking somewhere else. All you need to look at is me."

"Huh? Wouldn't he just get hurt more if he kept his eyes on you? What kind of flawed logic is this?"  (y/n) asked, as Mori pulled them back, shaking his head to indicate they shouldn't question it.

"Hikaru…" 

"Ahh, I can’t take it anymore! It’s too beautiful!" One of the girls looked away and the other forced her face back to face the twins. "That’s such a waste! You should take it in carefully! This is a very important scene!"

Kyouya, the king of butting into conversations that he is not part of, slid (yes, slid. man walks like an animation asset in a PowerPoint presentation being dragged around the screen) into the scene, photobooks in hand.

"Exactly, dear guests! Just like these cherry blossoms, beauty is such an ephemeral entity. It waxes and wanes every moment of the day. And so… I have made a photo collection that captures all these beautiful scenes that go on every day."

The girls, as well as a curious (y/n), flip through said magazines as he continues his pitch.

"But the way, while there’s a version for each one of our members, if you buy them all, there is also a special set price."

"How much of a difference could there be? Wouldn't it be smarter to have different smaller bundles instead of one big bundle?"

The girls shoot right out of their seats, and (y/n) hurries out of their way as they crowd around Kyouya.

"I’ll buy them!"

"All of them!"

"So that’s how we fund ourselves."

"but also-"

"When did you even take these pictures of us?"

"Just don't question it. It will be a  lot  healthier for everyone involved."

Kyouya shoots the trio a sly  (read: evil)  look while still racking up the sales.

"Doesn't he have any customers of his own to entertain? Gosh. Oh, hey, you first years should have gotten your forms for your elective subjects by now, right?"

.

.

.

"Yeah so you just pair up the albums for the hosts that are normally together for normal bundles, then you throw in postcards or posters with them together, so-" (y/n) had resumed their actual job of trying to alleviate Kyouya's work by planning how to make more money.

"Ah, I see. the guests will be enticed to buy more copies in order to collect all the exclusive postcards." The king of interruption was living up to his name.

"Exactly! And it's not like any of these people are hurting for money either. Well, except the club."

"I see letting you join the club is actually paying off."

"As opposed to?" 

The two bickered good-naturedly while packing up their belongings and making their way through the temporarily placed furniture. They noticed the twins begin heckling Tamaki and Haruhi and moved closer to the drama.

"Haruhi! Have you decided on what to take for your elective courses this semester?"  The twins were once again in the brunette's personal space, vexing Tamaki greatly.

"How about Conversational French?"  "Hey, that was my idea!"

Haruhi did the classic anime hand-holding-chin pose while humming in thought. "Hmmm. Maybe-"

"We should take the same subject, because, you know..."

"We're in the same class." 

Haruhi might have been actually considering this proposition, but Tamaki looked ready to collapse. He curled up at the base of the nearest Sakura tree with his watery eyes and wobbly pout and turned instinctively to Kyouya.

"... Say, mommy dear..."

"What is it now,  daddy? " Kyouya had that smug smile on his face as he made direct eye contact with (y/n) while speaking.

'Is  he  onto me, or am  I  onto him?'

"This is... Yes, this is all just conjecture, but… compared to me, who only spends time with her in the club - Do Hikaru and Kaoru, who are in the same class as Haruhi-chan, spend more time with, and consequently, get more chances to get to know her more?" Tamaki got closer to Kyouya's face with each word he said, and the other boy-to his credit- only looked away once the blond was practically in his face.

"Mm? You're just realising this now?" Kyouya kept a steady face, only raising an amused brow, but (y/n), who was observing the pair intently, spied the hints of a blush creeping up his features.

Tamaki collapsed dramatically on the ground as Kyouya pulled out a whiteboard and chart from who-knows-where, and (y/n) moved to console the blonde.

'The dry cleaning on these trousers is gonna be so expensive if the grass stains them oh no...'

"Come on, Tamaki-kun! Look on the bright side. Haruhi-kun hasn't studied french before, so you could offer to help her and the twins!! No one would pass on the opportunity to practice with someone who knows the language so intimately!!"

"Y-You mean it?"

"Mhm!! I'm sure even Kyouya-san would be glad to improve his skills with you!!"

" Mes amis ...." The boy started tearing up gratefully.  (hook, line, and sinker, baby.)

(y/n) is somehow saved from being crushed in the blond's grateful hug by the sound of Kyouya clearing his throat.

"Right, sorry."

"In one day, those three people spend nine hours together on campus. However, your interactions with Haruhi are limited to the two-hour time period in this club, one hour of which is spent with you entertaining your own clients. Another way to put it would be that the amount of time you actually take part in Haruhi’s daily life is but a mere 3%."

The boy pointed at the relevant parts of the graph as he spoke, and a cloud of gloom surrounded the blond again. Meanwhile, (y/n) wondered if the dark-haired male had made this graph to placate himself about his significance in the blond's life.

"Waahhh, I don't want to hear it!! Haruhi, you shouldn't spend any more time with those shady twins from now!!"

"Hey, who are you calling shady?"

"Yeah, I don't want to hear that from you, m'lord."

"Oh yeah? Oh- yeah! All faults lie in the fact that you're hiding your gender as a girl from everyone. You need to return to your normal female student life, be surrounded by female friends, and have a healthy lifestyle! That's what daddy wants!"

"And who's this  daddy? " Haruhi finally joined the conversation, already regretting coming to this school. 

"Yeah, please don't call yourself that in third person, it's very cringe."

"Revert back! Revert back now!!"

"What is this, an exorcism? Besides, there's really no need to freak out, Tamaki-kun-" The assistant/manager was making an attempt to de-escalate the situation, but was rudely interrupted.

"That's right, there's no need to hurry. They'll find out soon anyway~"

"Don't you remember? The day after tomorrow is the physical examination."

"Physical... exam?" Haruhi looked confused, as if the information had presented itself for the first time.

"Wait, already?" (y/n) was also surprised, but more because of a poor perception of time than anything else.

Kyouya was also taken by surprise for once, though it was bound to happen with how busy he was with preparations for the flower viewing event. He flipped through his planner and said, "Oh, yeah. It's in two days."

'HE DIDN'T REMEMBER????' 

"Then... I guess they really will find out... that I'm a girl."

.

.

.

"Do you hate being a host that much?! Do you hate this club that much?!"

"Well, if I had to decide, then yeah."

Chapter Text

"Then… they really will find out… that I’m a girl."

.

.

.

"Well is that really so bad? I mean, I doubt it really matters, and Haruhi-kun's gender is Haruhi-kun's business, and Haruhi's alone."

The assistant looked over to the other club members in what they hoped was a reassuring way, only to find them transfixed at Tamaki being lost in what was probably a weird fantasy.

Honey piped up from his spot in Mori's arms, "Looks like Tama-chan is enjoying himself!"

"I hope he knows Haruhi isn't a doll to play dress up with," (y/n) turned to Kyouya with an unimpressed look, "I mean it's not like the club ever denies his requests."

" The club would not be here if not for him, and you better stop being snarky unless you want to join us."

"I don't know, depends on if you make me pay for it, Ootori-san~"

The two tuned back into the conversation as the twins took turns roasting the poor (rich) blond like they were at a cookout.

Tamaki smirked at the group as he pointed dynamically at the twins. "Don’t be jealous, Hikaru! I knew all along this would happen. Even without all your jealousy, I saw this result from the very beginning. Yes! This anime is a school love comedy to begin with! Haruhi and I are the main characters of this Romance!"

'Oh, this boy has got it so wrong...'  The commoner looked at the nearest host with the flattest look that can be achieved humanly.

The twins took a step closer to the other boy and spoke in unison, "Oh yeah? Then what are we?"

The blond smiled earnestly before delivering what he thought to be the final blow- "Obviously, you boys are the homosexual supporting cast!"

He put some distance between himself and the rest of the host club as he somehow used a stick to draw a line in the floorboards as if it were mud. "So don't cross this line, m’kay?"

'Well he got half of that right, I'll give him that. But he Does realise he's only as straight as a noodle, right?'

"Hey, now, this is starting to piss us off a bit."

"A nd besides..."

"You don't really understand, do you, m'lord?"

Honey graced his fellow blond with an explanation perhaps more polite than he was owed, "If they find out that Haru-chan is a girl, she won’t be able to stay at the Host Club anymore." he made a sad face before continuing. "Buuuuut~ If Haru-chan wears girls’ clothing, I bet she'd look cuter and cuter!!"

*tamaki.exe has stopped working*

"Guys please, aren't you going a bit too far here? Guys? Don't ignore me!"

The twins got into Tamaki's personal space to goad him further, which would have been a lot funnier if (y/n) wasn't worried about their friend. "In junior high, she walked around in girls’ clothing normally, so she must have been popular among the guys, huh?"

Kyouya saw his chance to flaunt his Grade-A Creep skills and flipped through his Big Journal of Doom, "Yes, according to my investigations, she usually received a confession from someone about once every month."

"creepo. stalker. weirdo. scary-" Mori had to physically restrain the assistant from speaking further as Kyouya glared at them, the silent threat in his gaze clear through his smile.

"Ahh, then our lord won’t be able to get close to her anymore."

"Well, we don’t mind since we’re in the same class as her."

Tamaki staggered back, reeling from this revelation. He clutched his shirt right over his heart, wrinkling the perfectly ironed surface, "But... how can that be?"

His dark-haired ~paramour~ wheeled out a rack full of spare shirts for Tamaki to change into, as the double doors to the clubroom crept open.

"Heyyyyyy guys, sorry I'm late, I got stuck-"

"Don’t worry, Haruhi! At tomorrow’s physical examination, your secret about being a girl will be protected by us! So please stay as our very own princess!"

"Say wha-?"

"Boss, I think you're mixing her up with a doll again,,,"

"It’s true that we’d find it irritating if other guys spoke with Haruhi…"

"So it's settled then!"

(Y/n) deadpanned at Tamaki and the hosts planning some convoluted scheme to keep Haruhi's biological sex a secret and turned to the only person in the room with a brain cell- the shadow king himself.

"Can't you just ask for Haruhi's checkup to not be public? I mean i don't think they even need to reveal any sensitive information so we can just say the kid is too shy, right?"

"Killjoy." The boy smirked as he made that comment and turned back to the hosts. Just in time for Haruhi's resolve to break in the name of fancy tuna. Damn rich kids...

*the next day*

(y/n), who had previously been chatting with Honey and Mori, walked up to Kyouya as he rattled off his usual rich people talk to Haruhi, glancing over at what the twins were doing.

"Man, I'm glad I don't have to deal with a horde of fangirls like you lot, I got my checkup done with plenty of time to spare before all the drama~"

"You're certainly in a jovial mood, one would think the checkup would make you as unsettled as Haruhi over here." Kyouya raised his brow just a fraction, clearly only making small talk as filler to avoid the silence.

"Well- I did get told to get some bloodwork done soon-ish, but the twins were still in middle school last year, so I haven't seen their whole song and dance yet. Besides, I'm excited to see what the club has planned- I know you're a vindictive little shit underneath that cool exterior, Kyouya-Kun."

"(y/n)-senpai why are you like this? Have you no fear for your life?" The short brunette pulled her senior away from Kyouya, almost used to the shenanigans yet still fearing for the fate all those involved.

"Well-"

Before (y/n) could finish their sentence, Honey whisked Haruhi away with the help of Mori, leaving the two second years alone.

"Nevermind then..."

"About your comment just now, Mx. (y/n)..."

"Unless you can truthfully say you haven't planned out Tamaki getting knocked down a peg before you reveal your master-plan, I don't wanna hear it" They deadpanned before leading the way to 'haruhi's' examination cubicle.

"Fujioka-sama? We’ll be doing chest measurements now. Please come out when you’re done taking your clothes off."

(y/n) joined the ranks of the hosts as the air buzzed in anticipation, the excited chatter of the audience almost fading into a blur as they leaned forward.

"Fujioka-sama? Are you done undressing?"

*beep*

"Yes. Fujioka Haruhi here." Tamaki's voice rang out bright and clear as he parted the curtains.

.

.

.

*deleted scene*

"Obviously, you boys are the homosexual supporting cast!"

'Well, he's only half wrong, so.' The assistant squinted involuntarily, trying not to laugh.

"ow! what was that for?"

Kyouya squinted dangerously and smiled at the other student, "You know what you were thinking."

"But YOU don't."

"Don't I?"

"Wait, do you?"

Chapter Text

"Fujioka-sama? We’ll be doing chest measurements now. Please come out when you’re done taking your clothes off."

(y/n) joined the ranks of the hosts as the air buzzed in anticipation, the excited chatter of the audience almost fading into a blur as they leaned forward.

"Fujioka-sama? Are you done undressing?"

*beep*

"Yes. Fujioka Haruhi here." Tamaki's voice rang out bright and clear as he parted the curtains.

.

.

.

"is that? that's tamaki!"

"oh my, what's he doing?"

"tamaki-kun is always so funny!!"

The boy froze and pointed an accusing finger at the Hitachiin brothers.

" You guys! You two said they’d never find out this way!"

Predictably, the crowd saw right through Tamaki's weak farce and he retreated behind the curtains looking like a sad puppy. Somewhere beside (y/n), the twins were losing their shit laughing at the situation- doubled up, knee-slapping, choking laughter, but the assistant only vaguely registered it as they focused on the device in their hands.

*beep*

'Aaaand- saved! Thanks a lot, boys. I knew you'd never disappoint.' (y/n) tried to sling an arm over Mori's shoulder as the club members moved to regroup with Haruhi and Tamaki- but their attempts were in vain due to his height, and the fact that they had only to walk a couple meters at best.

"Great show out there, eh Haruhi-Kun?" Ruffling the honour student's hair, (y/n) pulled them toward the group as Kyouya checked his clipboard one last time before speaking.

"Now then, Haruhi, I’ve arranged for a special doctor in another room and asked her to keep a secret." (read: mind her own business instead of being bought over by teenage girls)

"Yeah, apparently all the doctors that are here today are employed by Kyouya-senpai's family."

"He could have told us that in the first place," Kaoru grumbled and pouted a little as he spoke, gaining a smile from the hosts that noticed.

Kyouya smiled playfully as he spoke, "It's the same for me as with you two. I'm sorry, but I just don't think I'm "supporting cast". Homosexual or otherwise~"

While the boy spoke with a practised ease, it was obvious his words were a lot more sincere than he let on, confirmed by the way Honey and Mori exchanged a look with each other, and (y/n) tightened their jaw at the weight of the information the boy had willingly offered. Kyouya locked eyes with them, gauging their reaction and, seemingly satisfied for now, moved on.

"Welp, I guess I'll go monopolise this free time and be actually productive, just call me over once you guys are done, yeah?"

"And by that, you don't suppose you're really just gonna sulk in the black magic clubroom, right?"

"First off, rude. Secondly, I am going there to READ because the ambiance is," they pause for a moment to find the right word, and settle on using English,- " impeccable ."

They (fortunately) lingered awkwardly, shuffling their feet- unsure if the hosts wanted them to stay.

"It’s true!"

And stopped in their tracks beside a group of girls panicking about something as a nurse tried to calm them down. "Mm?"

"There was a doctor that grabbed my shoulders, and he was saying weird things and I got scared and I ran away… I was so scared!"

"Wahhhh, how scary!"

"it must have been a pervert!"

"Wait, we have those over here?"  The host club all turned their full attention to the girls and glanced at each other. Kyouya then adjusted his glasses and spoke up.

"Well, it seems I was right after all."

"After..all?"

"That guy I just saw… Although he was wearing a white coat, he definitely wasn’t from our hospital, so I did think it was weird."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"Do you just have the entire staff list memorised, then? And the hell is wrong with you? Someone could have been hurt!" (y/n) moved toward the boy but was, as was becoming the custom, held back by Mori before any damage could be done.

"Oh well, security guards will get him right away."

"The security guards shouldn't have allowed him to enter in the first place! This place is full of people from wealthy backgrounds, the least they could have is competent security!!" At this point, Honey grabbed their elbow in a comforting gesture to try and calm (y/n) down. "There's nothing we can do about it, (y/n)-chan. It's not our responsibility, and it's not Kyou-chan's fault either. So don't be mad at him, 'kay?"

The taller student looked down in embarrassment and nodded, trying to relax their posture. "well-"

"-did this pervert head?"

"He went toward the special boys-clinic!" for the moment it took the club to process this information, there was pin-drop silence. 

"Haruhi"

And then they all collectively tensed up before moving to action.

.

.

.

*One sob story and collective action montage later*

"I don't care, just get out! All of you."

The club made their way out, bickering and laughing as Haruhi finally went through the medical exam. And that is where we would fade to pink if there were no questions to be made and no characters to be developed. 

"Well that was a bust. Plus, what if the daughter doesn't want him just showing up at her school? He wouldn't have been sneaking around unless he knew what he was doing was wrong..." (y/n) was clearly agitated after all the excitement of the day, apparent in the way they had been picking at their fingers and nails, and the way they were getting increasingly jumpy and restless.

"You worry too much. He wouldn't just be allowed contact with a student if he isn't supposed to, right?"

"Maybe you worry too little. He got in here , didn't he? Actually, never mind. Honey-senpai is right, none of this is meant to be our responsibility." The student started pacing as they spoke, looking for an outlet for their energy.

At this, Tamaki moved forward and held the other student by the shoulders. "No, you're right. The moment we involved ourselves in his business, it became our responsibility too. if something goes wrong... Well, that's a risk we have to take. No loving parent should have to be seperated from their child, after all." He gave the assistant a beaming smile that could have rivalled all the stars in the sky, and (y/n) suddenly remembered every reason people admired this boy.

"Tamaki-san...I'm sorry. I know you only had good intentions; I suppose I've just been very stressed lately, and it's not fair to take it out on all of you. I'm sorry, I really am."

"(y/n)-kun..." Tamaki began to tear up for unknown reasons (a very eventful day) and squeezed their shoulders in support rather than going in for a hug like he usually would have. The moment is disrupted by Honey soaring through the air and trapping the two in a tight hug. The teens stumbled at the added force and weight, nearly falling to the ground.

"Waaaah, (y/n)-chan!! We're sorry too! Good friends should know when their friends are upset!!" 

'Because me repeatedly stating it wasn't enough, I guess?' (y/n) clenched their jaw in annoyance at the thought. This wasn't fair. They knew they couldn't hold the hosts to normal standards, everyone at this school belonged to a whole different world. Things worked a lot differently for rich people.

"Honey-senpai... I- it's fine. We've all been a little restless at the possibility of Haruhi having to leave, yeah? Let's just. Leave it at that." They were offering the hosts an olive branch and hoped to all powers in the universe that they take it.

"(y/n)-chan-"

"Mitsukuni." The blond looked over at Mori, who shook his head- clearly asking him to disengage from the conversation.

At that moment, the door to the special boys' clinic crept open, and Haruhi stepped out. Clearly oblivious to the tension that had built up in the span of a few minutes, she started nagging at the boys for their teasing from earlier. Quick as it appeared, the tension vanished, and the club members joked around as they all made their way to the gates of the school building.

Haruhi suggested to the group in passing that they should do a pokémon themed session at some point, a joke that only the other commoner was able to immediately process.

"pffft. Yeah, what was that discount Team Rocket speech, anyway? Wait, the boss came up with it, right?"

"How'd you know?"

"It was definitely cheesy, but don't you think it (we) sounded cool?"

"It wasn't a discount anything either"

.

.

.

.

.

Later that evening, a particular black-haired teenager was disturbed from his homework by a series of texts, causing his phone to buzz incessantly and fall off the edge of the table.

Commoner #1

So

Eventful day, huh?

Sorry about being a downer btw

That was some stunt you pulled, too

Letting the boss make a fool of himself

What is this about?

And please stop beating around the bush, I really do not have time for this.

Don't think I didn't notice how good this would be for the club's revenue and attendance this next week either

I have no idea what you mean, I'm sure.

Oh really? Then you wouldn't be interested in this at all, I suppose. *attached 1 image file*

Did you actually manage to film the whole thing?

Mhmm

I'm almost impressed

Yeah, yeah, just check your email. I sent you the whole video and some of the better frames you could print out with a few touch-ups for quality

(y/n)...

Why is there a folder named “kiss kiss fall in love already”?

Wait

Shit

That wasn’t supposed to

Listen-

LISTEN-

I’m listening.

Ignore it till I have my presentation ready?

Why am I not more surprised?

Because you knew I had ulterior motives for joining the club?

Also you two kept making goo-goo eyes at each other right OVER my desk

I’m not entertaining you this time of day

You don’t even have dinner for another hour

You’re lucky the increase in sales is worth putting up with you

Yeah, yeah

We both know you don’t mind having me around

Don’t test my patience, (y/n)-san

Can we at least agree he’s much better off blond?

-read, 17:45 PM

*one conversation has been deleted*

Chapter Text

Two days remain

"y'know, Haruhi-Kun, I  did  get you some fancy tuna that day. You're the one that stormed off."

"It's not  about  the fancy tuna!"

"I know. Sure would've been nice though, huh?"

"I guess.."

"Let's get you some for your birthday!"

"I can't- Senpai, I can't ask you to do that!!"

"Who said I'll pay alone?"

"Senpai... please don't drag  those  people into this."

"Too late- I'm putting it on the calendar as we speak."

.

.

.

"I just can't believe you never thought of practising your french with Tamaki-kun before."

"Is it really so surprising when I can afford an actual tutor?"

"You just don't seem like the kind to pass up an opportunity like this, is all."

"An opportunity like what?"

"Getting closer to Tamaki? Pandering to his every whim? Getting a genuine smile out of that boy?"

"..."

"Sorry, it's really none of my business, is it?"

"No. No, it's not."

.

.

.

One day remains

"-and I'm just thinking about the dry-cleaning fees if his trousers get grass stains, and so I manage to get him standing, right?"

"mhmm"

"And then!! Kyouya-san gets out this large pie-chart and???? he sets it up??"

"no?"

"YES!!! And!! Then, he's just,,, rubbing salt in tamaki-kun's wounds, really. It's wild he even had that poster on hand."

"Ootori-san has always been extremely prepared for everything. A truly admirable trait, it  is  a shame he refuses to join the dark side."

"Oh his side is plenty dark enough- I think a little bit of light might even be good for him."

"Well then, we'll just have to trust your judgment on that."

"Thanks, Nekozawa-senpai. How's Kirimi-chan?"

.

.

.

Morning of

before the drama

"Honey-senpai. Mori-senpai."

"(y/n)-chan!!! are you done with your checkup?"

"mhmm!! You two are probably done too, considering those coats."

"Do you like 'em? I thought they were cute!!"

"Cute? Yes. Subtle? No. Probably a tripping hazard too, please be careful."

"Don't worry, (y/n)-chan! Takashi will catch me if I fall!!"

"I guess. Better not to take chances and get it hemmed next time, though."

"(y/n)-chan..."

.

.

.

"-and then the first generation was only 151, right? But now it's around 1008, I think, the point is!!! Team rocket is only  the  best and one of the most iconic-"

.

.

.

the aftermath

"Tamaki-kun... I know I've already apologised, but... I think it's really admirable, you know? Your drive to help people. It makes  me  want to be better too."

"Mon ami..."

"Please don't hug me right now- I'm not feeling too good.

"aaAAh, NO-wait- I'm just tired please don't cryyyyy!"

.

.

.

"You know, Kyouya-san, I'm glad  the club  is here. I'm glad Tamaki-kun gave everyone a reason."

"You know, I believe I would have to agree with you for once."

.

.

.

The next day

"Nekozawa-senpai, Kanazuki-kun, you will not believe the day I've had yesterday. Here, I did get a video though."

"Is that so? Let's bring out the projector then."

"And the good snacks?"

"of course~ Kanazuki-san?"

"On it."

.

.

.

deleted scene:

*ring ring*

*ring ring*

"... y-es?"

"What happened to, 'it's none of my business'?"

"i... made it... my business? No, wait, I mean. you. it's. I wasn't meant to send that."

*sigh* "I'll pretend this didn't happen if you stop acting like one of the guests."

"they  do  that?"

"you did, too"

"I was gonna make it into a scrapbook if you two ever got together!"

"you-"

"this is so embarrassing, I can't believe you saw this bye"

*beep*

"Am I.. really that obvious?"

Chapter Text

"Wait wait wait, I'll have to wear a kimono too??? I don't know how to do that!!!" Another average day in the host club. Two commoners surrounded by the weight of rich people's whims and fancies- battling peer pressure day in and day out. The innocent assistant manager that tries their best not to be associated with the club they joined of their own free will. The new host trying to conceal their gender from the rest of the school to pay off a debt.

"Well then, I suppose we can make an exception," Despite the sliver of hope presented to them, (y/n) feels their sins crawling up their back at the shadow king's words. "... And let Haruhi help you put it on correctly. Remember- the rent for your kimonos comes out of the club's budget and not your pockets, so you don't have the liberty to refuse."

"Dang rich boy throwing my own reasoning in my face. Hmph! Fine. You win this time." 

"Aww, what's wrong?"

"You'll look adorable."

" I'll look weird. "

Honey vaults over the table and squishes (y/n)'s cheeks. "Don't be silly, (y/n)-chan! You're super cute!!"

"Yeah obviously I know that, but it'll feel awkward still. Thanks though, I really do appreciate it." 'And aren't you getting too comfortable squishing my cheeks like that?'

"Such confidence... I'm glad to be a good influence on you, mon ami!" 

(y/n) sidesteps a hug from Tamaki, pulling Honey away as well.

"What influence? Stop preening at your misplaced sense of accomplishment! I'll bite you!!"

If this fic was in a visual format, the scene would fade to black at this point. Since it is not, we are left with the lingering image of Tamaki and (y/n) squabbling like children. Which, by the way, they are.

.

.

.

"Oh Tamaki-kun, why are you so beautiful?"

"So that I can stay in your eyes every second I can."

"Why is your voice so mellow?"

"So that my feelings can reach the depths of your heart."

"Oh my god, what is this? Little red riding hood and the big bad wolf? Wait, that would actually make a good theme for an event- fairy tales." (y/n) makes a little note in their little patterned notebook. Almost an imitation of Kyouya, if only it weren't covered in more doodles than notes.

One of Honey and Mori's regulars bumps into the assistant on her way out of the clubroom, clearly distracted by the waterworks put on by the club.

"Oh, (y/n)-kun! You're matching with the hosts today? Cute!"

"Huh? Thank you! They were kind enough to rent me a kimono to match the theme, even though i was afraid of looking awkward. I'm glad you like it! I didn't know kimonos were this fun, hehe!"

"Aw, it's really just the truth! You look great! The host club really is generous too." The guest stares back at the hosts with fondness before returning their attention to the assistant.

"That they are, Ayano-san. Thanks for coming!"

*ba-dump* 'They remember my name?'

The assistant walks over to the scene created by the twins, Tamaki, and Haruhi, unaware of the guest's glistening eyes as she carries on out of the room. Tamaki is tearfully (for some reason) piling sweets in Haruhi's hands as the twins gush in the background, almost one with the fangirls.

"Are you guys bothering Haruhi-kun again? Come on you three, we've talked about this."

One of the guests pipes up before the boys can offer an explanation, "(y/n)-senpai, it's not like that! Tamaki-kun is giving him sweets because he mentioned it would be a nice offering for his mother's altar!"

"Cute. But you're more likely to drown the alter and give Haru's mom a stomach-ache at this rate, so slow down, dummies."

"Thanks, senpai." 'I think?' "Ah, look- a new guest?"

As the chaos gremlin twins invade the new and mysterious guest's personal space, both Kyouya and (y/n) check their rosters for her identity. Coming up blank, the two go with the flow and follow Tamaki over to the blonde(?) as well. She looked like a doll with her huge bow and puffy yellow dress. Not like any of the other students were any different, of course.

Tamaki strode up to Hikaru and Kaoru and pulled them back into their "New customer initiation" position, pulling out his spare rose.

"Hey, I keep telling you to be more courteous of our first-time guests, so listen up, will you?" He sidles into the same position as the boys he so gracefully yanked back earlier and extends his hand out towards the girl. So far she had been watching passively, maybe with a hint of annoyance, but now dodged Tamaki with a confused expression. 

"Don't be afraid, my princess. Welcome to the ouran host club." His hand rested on the girl's face as her brain finally caught up with her body.

"you- NO! Get away from me, you phoney!"

'A pony? oh. A phoney. Wait.'

"HUUUUUH??"

The blond flew back in shock. Teary-eyed and embarrassed, Tamaki pointed back at himself. "I'm... a phoney?"

"YES! You're a phoney! I can't believe they let you be the prince figure in this club!"

("That's king-figure to you, young lady. Yeesh, who does she think she is?"

"Way out of your league, that's for sure. Now shh.")

"There's no way a prince figure would go around spreading his love so easily! You incompetent narcissist!

 Disgusting! 

 Mediocre!

 Dim-witted!

 Commoner!"

Each word sent an arrow of pain piercing through Tamaki's self-esteem, and once the barrage of unnecessary insults had ceased, he fell in a stunning slow-motion display of core strength and dedication to drama. His gorgeously patterned kimono pooled around him, and (y/n) wondered if he might have hit his head and needed medical help.

"He's mastered a new technique!"

"One man slow motion!"

As the hostile girl turned towards the host club, finger still stretched accusingly, a light bulb seemed to go off in Kyouya's head. "Are you... perhaps-"

Tears welled in her eyes as the girl gasped and flung herself forward- stepping squarely on Tamaki as she did.

"Kyouya-sama!!!"

As she stumbled into Kyouya's arms, time seemed to slow, and the clubroom's magical rose petals showered upon the scene. "I've been waiting to meet you, my prince."

The taller boy's eyes widened as he nearly failed to balance himself, gently stabilising her once he processed what was happening.

Noticing the guests' whispering, (y/n) ushered everyone back to the seating area, having to pull Tamaki along after the injuries (both literal and metaphorical) he had received. "Why don't we talk about this after the guests leave?"  

The hosts all made their way to their respective areas for the final 10 or so minutes of club time, and as (y/n) sat the brunette down at their own little 'workstation', they wondered why every bit of drama happened conveniently at the end of the day; and if setting two teenagers up was really worth the emotional damage. 

They engaged the brunette, now introduced as Renge Hoshakuji, in conversation. With her father engaged in work in France, she had arrived alone in Japan just the day before. That is, of course, if you count the presence of an entire legion of staff as travelling "alone". 

"Ooh, travelling alone is so intimidating for me- and that too internationally. That's so impressive! What do you like to do for fun, Renge-san?"

The girl, clearly uninterested in talking to the assistant, stared dreamily at Kyouya, and (y/n) took the moment to follow her gaze to the hosts. Clearly, no one was able to focus on their guests- despite playing up their drama on being interrupted, the twins snuck glances at the assistant and her temporary guest; Tamaki was understandably upset, and his guests tried cheering him up as best they could; Honey and Mori seemed restless and impatient even through their carefully maintained demeanours. Kyouya sat by Haruhi's table despite being done for the day, and while his eyes were trained on his notebook, his mind was clearly elsewhere. Though their new guest seemed to have come looking for him, (y/n) couldn't blame him for taking time to compose himself- he looked far wearier than anyone their age should have to feel outside of exam season. 

"So. what brings you to japan, renge-san?"

"My fiancé, of course! Oh he's just so dreamy!"

'So dreamy that you can't pry your eyes off our vice-prez, huh? Wait... does she mean.. No. No way. He didn't even recognise her, but then it could be years since they saw each other- That's how it works with old-money families, right?'

"I'm sure he is. Does he go to this school?" 'please please be wrong!'