Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ronald McDonald hated his rival

Harland Sanders his name was...

Ronald hated him, he hated how his restaurant was doing better than his..

But he wanted to talk to him.. talk about his life, talk about hobbies,

Ronald hated thinking like this...

And he knew that Harland Sanders hated him too but..

Sometimes he would check on him..

This started happening when he got a divorce with his ex husband..

dr. Doofenshmirtz left him after falling in love a a platypus

which he's still confused about...

Then he heard a knock at the door

Ronald: ugh why today

He assume that it was his landlord telling him to pay up next week or he'll be evicted.
He went down stairs, he looked terrible, his hair was a mess, his face had some leftover clown makeup on from the other week, he had bags under his eyes

He Stand in front of the door and then open it

It was Starbucks and Harland.

Starbucks: "oh thank god you're ok, I thought you died because you didn't pick the phone up when I called."

Starbucks was like a mother to him, she would come by every other week to check on him, she would make drinks for him, clean up his house when he didn't have motivation to, so it wasn't a surprise that she was here but why was harland here.

Ronald:"Starbucks why is he here?"

Starbucks:"oh he wanted to come with me to check on you."

Ugh not this again McDonald's thought to himself.

Ronald:"ugh what do you want now Harland"

Harland:”I was just coming to check on you, no need to be so aggressive.”

Ronald:”I'm sorry, I've been a mess lately so I apologize for me being aggressive”

Starbucks: “anyways have you eaten anything today Ronald?”

Ronald:”uh no.”

Starbucks:”well let me come in and make you something”

Starbucks ran to the kitchen and started making Mac n cheese, leaving him and kfc alone

Ronald:"listen buddy I don't like you and I know you don't like me so what do you want"

Harland:"dude I was just coming to check on yo-"

Ronald:”I don't want to hear it you want the pickles again right?"

Harland:"yes get them for me and I'll leav-"

Before they knew it, the smoke alarm went off.

Starbucks"SHIT SHIT SHIT IT'S ON FIRE!!!!!"

Starbucks was holding a pot of mac'n cheese on fire which confused the both of them because

“HOW TF DO YOU START A FIRE WITH MAC N CHEESE IN A POT OF WATER” Ronald said.

Ronald, Harland, and Starbucks, ran out of the house and soon the whole house was in flames

Ronald:”STARBUCKS OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS THE THIRD TIME YOU BURNED MY HOUSE DOWN"

Starbucks:"Well I-"

Harland:"i can take you in McDonald's"

Ronald:"EXCUSE ME??

Chapter Text

Ronald didn’t know what he was hearing, Harland offering him to live with him was completely crazy, he would be quite fine if he was living with Starbucks, how ever she had around 5 cats that he was in fact allergic to.

He sigh as he stood next to his burned down house, looking at Starbucks and Harland.

“I mean you don’t have anywhere else to go, and I doubt you’ll enjoy having your allergies acting up at Starbucks house, so why not?” Harland said while looking at Ronald

“I mean… you don’t really have a choice here…” Starbucks sighed.

“I mean I would rather stay with Starbucks if it weren’t for her cats…so i guess ill stay with you Harland” Ronald groaned.

“Alright then, we should get going, it looks like it’s about to rain.” Harland said as he got into his car.

Ronald immediately looked at Starbucks, “Starbucks what have you gotten me into?” Ronald muttered under his breath as he walked up to the passenger side of the car.

He got into the car and buckled up as Harland pulled out of the driveway.

“Man I knew Starbucks was a handful to deal with, but I never expected her to burn down your house three times now, huh?”

“Harland just to let you know, I will not act “friendly” with you, Even if we’re living with each other now, I’d rather die.” Ronald looked out the window on his side.

“Fine by me.” Kfc said as he kept driving to his house, Ronald swore he saw him muttered “emo”

Around 30 minutes has passed as they finally arrived at Harland’s house, it was pretty fancy looking, and it had a kfc ad in front of the house.

“This is it, Follow me.” Harland Said.

Ronald sighed as he followed Harland into his house, it was amazingly decorated, much better than his now burned down house.

He followed Harland into a room. “This is where you’ll be staying in until you can afford a apartment, also if you see 7-11 just ignore them, they’re a handful to deal with.” With that being said Harland left the room and closed the door.

God he did not anticipate this happening.

Chapter Text

Ronald was currently in the guest bedroom of Harland‘s house, the room he was staying in was much better then his house before Starbucks burned it down...again.

He laid on the bed while looking at the ceiling, it was around 6:36 in the morning, the sun was starting to rise up, and birds were chirping;

It was quite peaceful, that is until a loud noise was heard, it sounded like glass falling into the ground then shattering; he immediately ran out of the room that he was staying in.

He ran to the kitchen to see somebody with Pajamas on... Was this Harland‘s sibling he mentioned ?

“SHIT, NOT MY FAVORITE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MUG!!!!!! They screech as they looked at the now broken yellow mug on the floor.

“What the fuck?” Ronald said confused as The person in front of him continued to screech.

7/11 jumped when they saw Ronald starring at them

7/11 stared at him.

McDonald’s stared back

“What the fuck, who are you??????” 7/11 Screeched as they just stared at Ronald

“Didn’t your brother tell you I was staying here???” Ronald spoke loudly so 7/11 could here him.

“OH SHIT! Fuck I’m so sorry, you must be uhh Ronald?”

“Yeah that’s me, Ronald McDonald” Ronald spat. Before 7/11 and Ronald knew it they saw Harland running down the stairs

“7/11 Why the FUCK are you screami-” Harland said before he saw the broken square yellow pieces on the ground, then he saw Ronald

“Oh.” Was the only thing Harland could say.

“Harland, I dropped my spongebob mug!! Can you get me one?

“Uhhhhhhhh” Harland started “sure?????? Can’t you buy it yourself?? Why do I have to buy it?”

“Because, it’s a gift from you to me!”
7/11 replied annoyed

“Oh my god, how loud can you guys be?” Ronald sighed “I’m going back to my room.”
Ronald walked back to his room leaving Harland and 7/11 alone.

“That guys a dick” 7/11 said as they started to pick up the broken glass up

“Agreed” Harland sighed.

Chapter Text

Ronald can’t sleep.

His mind just won’t stop jumping around from one topic to another topic, and he’s sick of it he just wants to sleep.

It’s around 3:00 in the morning, most people would be asleep especially if they ran a business like Harlan… god that guy just won’t leave him alone even if he got paid all the money in the world.

Ronald finally gave up on sleeping after what felt like another hour of tossing and turning. He sat up and looked outside of his window next this the bed he was staying in.
The sky looked… more prettier that it did usually, maybe because he was in a rich neighborhood instead of a rotting house he could barely afford to live in as he slowly rotted away in debt- ‘No don’t think about that’ he had reminded himself

Maybe he should take a walk, maybe that would take his mind off of things. It would also help him to get familiar with the neighborhood he was in.

He had gotten out of his bed and grabbed a pair of shoes and his phone before jumping out of the window, luckily the room he was staying in was on the first floor so he could easily go in and out.

He felt the coldness of the grass on his bare feet before putting on his shoes. He carefully snuck out of the back yard before heading to the sidewalk. You could tell this was a rich neighborhood just by the way the houses looked all fancy and all that shit.

Ronald couldn’t deny that he was jealous of Harland, he was rich, successful, handsome… only if Ronald could be like that..

Without realizing where he was walking he accidentally bumped into someone, and proceeded to pathetically fall to the hard concrete.

“Shit!? Sir are you okay?” A woman with a Swedish accent and blue hair stood above him, there was a girl with red hair next to her.
And before he could stop himself from talking the words came tumbling out of his mouth “Of course you have blue hair and pronouns”

And then regret instantly came as he felt someone kick him in the stomach very hard, he found himself curling on himself as he looked at the blue hair girl looking shocked before pulling the red hair girl back.“Target! You can’t just do that, even if he said that he was probably joking!”

“Well we were trying to help him and he said that out of the blue, I mean who does that??” Ronald tried to lift himself up as he tried to talk. “I’m so, so sorry It was the first thing that came to my mind” he wheezed out.

“Its alright truly! I thought it was funny” Ikea presumably proceeded to glare at target

“Let me help you up!” Ikea grabbed Ronald’s shoulder and pulled him up “thanks I guess..” “you’re welcome! Oh where are my manners.. I’m IKEA and this is my girlfriend Target! I assume you recently moved here if I’m correct?”

Ronald cleared his throat before speaking “Uh yeah, It was kinda of a sudden thing to happen, my house kinda got burnt down and a fri- acquaintance had been letting me stay with him.”

“OH DAMN I’m so sorry that happened to you” Ikea apologize non-stop

“Uh.. no need to apologize the landlord sucked and I had nothing of value in there” Ronald awkwardly said.

“Well we should get going to our place, Wendy will probably kick our ass if we don’t get back soon”Target took Ikea’s hand

“Oh shoot! Well it was nice to meet you McDonald’s hope to see you again sometime soon!” And just like that IKEA and Target walked off leaving Ronald very confused about what just happened.