Chapter Text
Inko stares at her son for about ten seconds before saying, "fuck you! you'll always be my daughter and don't bring this random young man into your gay shi-"
"actually ma, that isn't a random young man," izuku says with a feral smirk that sends shivers down her spine.
"don't go lying to me-"
katsuki clears his throat, "uhm inko-san? it's me, katsuki."
inko pales as realization crosses her face and katsuki and izuku try to not snort at how stupid she looks right now. "b-but I thought Izumi hates you?!"
"meh, he's not much of a bitch as he was." izuku shrugs his shoulders and inko goes red immediately.
"Izumi, get in the car. you're going home."
"Nope."
"Izumi don't make me repeat mysel-"
"Actually it's izuku." One of the police officers pipes up and izuku can't help but smirk.
"This is outrageous! you are my daughte-"
"actually by law, I'm izuku's new guardian." Aizawa shrugs his shoulders, sipping his coffee with a blank expression as inko gasps.
"y-you cant do that!" inko stammers.
"Actually, he can. you've neglected, abused, and have been overall an abusive prick to izuku." Tsukauchi replies with an obviously fake grin.
inko stares at everyone in the room as her eye twitches before huffing, "fine. get that disgrace out of my life for good."
"We were planning on that," izuku mutters and Tsukauchi tries to hide his laugh with a cough. inko sends one last glare at her son before storming out of the police station and leaving everyone t start laughing their asses off about what just happened. until shoto comes through the door.
"i- bakugo? izuku? man, I swear I gotta stop interrupting you guys when your on a date."
"WE AREN'T ON A DATE YOU FUCKING CANADIAN FLAG!" Katsuki yells and shoto doesn't even flinch.
"Anyway, I gotta bail my brother out."
"what the fuck?! since when do you have a brother?!"
"I have two, Touya and natsou- well technically I had three brothers but fuyumi is a girl now." shoto explains shrugging his shoulders, and katsuki nods. candyca- I mean, shoto then walks into one of the rooms to find his brother casually sitting there on his phone that he should probably not have right now.
"sup sho," Touya says not looking away from his phone where he seems to be texting someone on discord.
"stop talking to our discord kitten and get your ugly ass up, I'm bailing you out."
Touya makes a humming noise, "and who's fault is it that I'm in the slammer right now? yeah, you! Mr "I'm gonna run faster than my older brother who has asthma and a nic addiction in an alleyway running away from the police and leave him there!"
"hey, I did not say that!"
"yeah but you totally thought it!"
"y'know what? fuck this I'm leaving you here." shoto sighs and turns around about to walk out of the room.
"I was just joking lemme outta here!" Touya whines.
"nope, you deserve it."
"can you guys shut up already?! jesus christ," katsuki grumbles, running a hand through his hair.
"random question bakugo, if I have sex with a dude, am I gay?" shoto asks with a grin as Touya gets up from his chair and tries to hide the smile on his face.
"obviously icy hot! what are you high or something?!"
"no, I'm shoto."
"......... I want what he's on," says Aizawa earning a smack on the side of the head.
"kats, can I call you kats? I'm totally calling you kats. anyway, can you drive me and this little shi- I mean, older brother back to our house?" shoto asks calmly.
"what? why the fuck me?"
"because that dumbass is totally not high right now and if I drive I get sick," Touya explains, putting his hands in his pockets.
katsuki groans, "fine. but on the way back we're getting some fucking food alright?"
touya and shoto nod excitedly as katsuki whispers to izuku that he'll text him later and then walk out the door and to the car (that they totally won't crash into 6 fire hydrants, a tree, and a poor ladies window just to get some damn food).
the police officer stares at the door in complete silence before Aizawa asks izuku, "wanna go home now?"
"wait so we're all just gonna ignore the fact that an arsonist, an angry teenager, and a high candy cane just went out into a car that they probably stole?"
the policemen all shrug their shoulders and one of them speaks up, "we've dealt with worse."
aizawa and izuku drive in aizawas run-down car in silence other than izuku occasuanly asking, "have you ever heard of Ligma?" or "Excuse me, but do you like Wendys?" or the classic, "do you know who Candice is?" with each question from the green-haired little shit, it feels like a piece of Aizawa's soul is being torn apart inch by inch.
izuku points to Aizawa's apartment when they pull up, "damn! you live in that dump?"
"yeah, I do. besides it, only me and my boyfriend- holy shit I forgot to tell zashi I adopted you oh my good." Aizawa whips out his phone and doesn't notice the feral grin that is spread across his face.
hizashi picks up the call, "hey sho what u-"
"yknow that vigilante I always talk about?"
"jinx? yeah, of course, you've talked about the little shit for months now. why? is he hurt?"
"nono he's not don't worry," Aizawa explains.
"...okay then what is it?"
"i- uh, imayhaveadoptedhimwithouttalkingtoyouaboutit-" Aizawa panic explains only to realize that izuku isn't next to him and there is now a 5'4 sized hole in their apartment window, and if that isn't crazy by itself, they are on the 5th floor.
"HEY, NEW DAD!" Izuku yells and hizashi activates his quirk and lets out a horrified scream.