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Lost in Flame and Found in Ash

Summary:

Dwarves have Ones, but that doesn't mean life is a fairytale.

Notes:

The idea is that Ori has taken pages from his journal and his art notebook and put them together scrapbook-style, probably as an outline for a narrative telling of the story.

His journal contains author's notes, added for the sake of the reader; and personal notes, which contain his own internal monologue.

Chapter 1: From the Desk of Ori Child of Vuori, Head Scribe Under The Mountain

Notes:

Bombird art by my partner
Picrews are from Bright's Picrew Hell
I'm not profiting off of this fanfiction

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

From The Journal Detailing The Events Experienced By Thorin's Company

3 days since Beorn’s house. Another 3 at least to Mirkwood.

Not much of note throughout the daylight hours.

Mainly the same flora & fauna as of late. As we are still on Beorn's land, we remained cautious of hunting. Ate cram and some rations the great bear sent with us.

Saw an interesting bird. Fluffy feathers made it look round. Dull bronze mostly but copper-chinned, breasted, and haired. Kíli said it looked like Bombur and got a smack to the head. Sketch in Vol. 2 shows that Kíli's eye is keen, but his mouth is hasty.

From Ori's Quest Sketchbook, Vol. 2

From The Journal Detailing The Events Experienced By Thorin's Company

Evening conversation was eventful. Lit a more successful fire than average of late. Ate dinner—stew.

That was when Glóin mentioned Dala. Everyone groaned, because Glóin’s love for his spouse is a thoroughly-hammered topic of discussion.

Bilbo prompted him for more. He asked about the word Glóin used to describe his One, which Glóin would not have said in front of Bilbo if not for Bilbo saving the life of Thorin Oakenshield, rendering him honorary dwarf-friend (ceremony pending).

Author's Note: The Reader either knows the word or does not. This text will not reveal the secrets of dwarves. Dwarrow feel comfortable translating the word to One in Westron, and the mechanism for realization is translated to the Pull.

After Glóin explained how he had met his partner, courted and bonded Dala in the traditional way—ceremonies and all, Bilbo asked whether all dwarves found their One and married them, to which Óin snorted. His One had been a fellow healer, one he worked with for many years, and they had only felt the Pull moments before their death. Óin explained that he would not have wanted anything more from the time he spent with his One, only more time. 

Bilbo asked if the rest of the Company had Ones, and if we would indulge him in speaking of them.

[Personal Note: He claimed 'politeness', but he did not need to prompt Thorin with as much enthusiasm as he did.]

Thorin said something along the lines of "Oh, well, you know," and waved his hand as if to pass. To which Bilbo said, "No, I don't! And if it is not against some taboo, I'd quite like to hear about the personal lives of—all my esteemed companions."

[Personal Note: Laying it on a bit thick, perhaps.]

Thorin stared at Bilbo for several poignant moments, as he is wont to do, and then elaborated that he is unmarried and as he had two half-decent heirs, there was no need to bother with courting. Then he asked Bilbo if that had answered his question. Bilbo stared at Thorin for several more moments, and said that he supposed Thorin had said all that he wanted to say, so it would be rude to press the issue.

[Personal Note: This was certainly an attempt by Bilbo to press said issue, but Thorin took him at his word.]

The eyes of the Company turned toward the young princes. Kíli was making it clear he wanted to speak, but Fíli was winning their impromptu wrestling match, pressing an arm to his younger brother’s loud mouth.

[Personal Note: I am entirely aware of what Kíli wanted to share about his brother’s personal life, and frankly I think he should keep his nose in his own business. Luckily for Fíli and I (and Kíli’s jacksie), Thorin Oakenshield is the type of uncle who believes that the less he knows about his nephews’ personal lives, the better. Certain older brothers might do well to consider a similar approach.]

“Tonight is not the night to invest ourselves in the personal lives of youths. Master Bofur, why don’t you share your relationship status with the hobbit.” Thorin’s tone was a little bit pointed. 

[Personal Note: Ironically—because of the anti-youths comment—I was forcibly reminded of when Fíli not-at-all gently or subtly encouraged his brother to inform me that Kíli preferred tall, fire-haired warriors, a description which does not fit me. It was clearly his plan to convince me that attempting to court Kíli would not be worth my time. This was completely unnecessary, because I had been in love with the kind-eyed, gold-haired, (marginally) more mature child of Dís for as long as I can remember and would never have feelings for Kíli, regardless.

Steadfast and courageous though the Durin line may be, they are silly, jealous dwarves when in love. (I would never presume, however, that Thorin had some secondary goal with getting Bofur to speak of his One in front of Bilbo Baggins. Of course not). 

Oh, I do adore my silly son of Durin, though. In fact, I may have to ask Bofur to refresh me on his love story, as I clearly missed some details. A certain heir of Thorin’s was staring at me coquettishly, so I spent several minutes winking and otherwise making eyes at my One. And after this recorded conversation, I find that I cannot regret taking advantage of the opportunity to do so.]

Bofur’s One is of the Stiffbeard clan, with dark skin and black instead of whites to her eyes. She is apparently extremely gorgeous, though her people’s beards grow in an odd fashion—a short tuft on the chin, and no more. 

Author's Note: Bofur insisted on the Author notating that her skin, hair and beard are comparable to obsidian and the irises of her eyes to bronze.]

Bofur is in part here to impress N'haî'la, which is a part of courtship in her culture, although she personally thinks that’s stupid.

[Personal Note: I understand the concept of impressing my One, though. I killed an orc with Dwalin’s hammer, and Fíli informed me that he was very impressed, and wondered if I could throw him around. Unfortunately for him, Dori heard, so when I obliged it was not very romantic, although everyone (including Thorin, the brooding old grump) was thoroughly entertained and Kíli asked for a turn.]

From Ori's Sketchbook, Vol. 4

Bofur and N'Haî'la at their bonding ceremony, upon exchanging hand-crafted gifts of wood and cobalt. Note that N'Haî'la's skin is a truer obsidian, but my medium does not suit.

Notes:

Ok so I headcanon that dwarves don't really have gender roles, but they use masculine westron pronouns in public so they either avoid using pronouns for their spouses or go along with feminine ones. This lead to the records making it seem like Thorin's company was entirely cishet. I'm doing the whole 'I'm just translating the records' thing here, so I'm implying that Ori chose to use masculine pronouns.

Kudos & comments are appreciated! Subscribe & bookmark for notifications when I post the rest. Subscribe to my profile for more Tolkien works—I have another active Dwalin/Nori fic and several completed lotr fics posted already.

Chapter 2: From Ori's Desk, Cont.

Notes:

Picrews are edited versions of Crowesn's Tiefling and MPOM's Fantasy Character Creator. Again, not making money off this.

CW: discussion of sad backstories. Mentioned spousal death to war and illness.
also, these accounts were assembled after the battle & in this fic the results of the battle are up to interpretation, so there's authors note angst if you want there to be.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

From The Journal Detailing The Events Experienced By Thorin's Company

Bombur was married to his One. Bombur stated that he missed Païa quite badly, along with his children. Bombur professed that he often feels guilty for leaving them behind, but he couldn’t let Bofur and Bifur go without him.

From Ori's Sketchbook, Vol. 4

Bombur and Païa. Portrait done on Durin's Day TA 2943, two years anniversary of Erebor's reclamation.

From Ori's Sketchbook, Vol. 7

Bombur's Dwarflings in their twenties. TA 2962.

Author’s Note: At the time, Bombur only knew of Anaïa and Caïa. Anaïa was too young to carry a weapon (even by Nori’s standards) and Caïa a babe in arms. He—and the rest of our merry company—would learn about Vaïa after the reclamation of Erebor. Enclosed is a more recent depiction of Bombur's family.

From The Journal Detailing The Events Experienced By Thorin's Company

Bifur’s whole family died during the War of the Dwarves and Orcs. Bifur was part of a group of Ones, which makes less sense in the common tongue, but the concept is surely not unheard of among non-dwarves despite the linguistic lack. He and his azaghal baruf shield-brothers had been a team for many years, since long before they reached sixty.

Author's Note:  Why that translation? It would be very different, were they brothers. And 'brothers' in such a usage implies one of the human genders, does it not? Warrior family does not sound very good, either. Writing in Westron was a terrible idea.

Bifur swore himself to his unit of warriors, for they all felt the Pull toward their group. Together they fought better than most groups, but it was not enough to protect from war. After they buried the first member it was as if the—spirit of the bond itself began to fade, leaving the members feeling... drained, depressed. The rest of them fell before the Battle of Azanulbizar, which Bifur did not expect to survive, but, he assures us, he is grateful he did, as he has met his cousin's children and found a cause at Thorin's side.

Author's Note:  And for some phrases there is no translation at all, so the elaboration 'spirit of the bond' will have to suffice. Furthermore, no adjectives quite encapsulate the feeling of losing a One, but that is true in our language as well.

When Bofur translated Bifur’s words into Westron, Bilbo solemnly rested his hand on Bifur’s shoulder.

“I’m not sure if all hobbits have Ones, nor indeed whether any ever have, for we generally don’t experience any sort of Pull, though—well. Anyway, if there have been any hobbits found exactly who they were meant to spend their time with, it was my parents. When my mother died… well, it takes a very strong person to go on without their love. My father followed her soon after. I’m sure your Ones would be proud of you, Bifur—and you as well, Óin, and any of the rest of you in similar positions—for pushing on. For taking… for taking care of yourself, and finding joy in life, where you can.”

Bilbo delivered his sentiment earnestly, and for this he earned a great hug from Bifur, who (along with several other members of the company) wept.

[Personal Note: I remain unsure whether all the members wept, as I was among those brought to tears. Master Baggins has a way with words which would ensorcel any dwarf, so ’tis likely they did weep, save Nori, who—quite understandably, given tonight's revelations—had a bit of tunnel vision regarding the whole concept of Ones. I am certain that Master Balin shed a tear, for he blew his nose loudly before his own story.

Master Balin patted Bilbo on the back.

[Personal Note: I know I decided not to use titles, but it feels far too weird to call Master Balin anything else. He was my teacher, after all. I dropped Dwalin and even Thorin’s titles long ago, by virtue of being friends with Fí and Kí, but Master Balin simply cannot be anything else.]

"No, Master Bilbo. You've got it wrong, though just slightly. Although the pull draws us to a significant relationship, it is my experience that it should not be equated with courtship and marriage."

Master Balin informed the group that his relationship with his One did not last long. They bonded before their courtship was over—not unheard of, but the ceremony is practically mandatory for members of the house of Durin—but broke things off before they were betrothed.

It was then that Nori elbowed Ori, and muttered something unintelligible to all others. He suspected Ori of planning to bond with the princeling, but his attitude toward bonding with or even pursuing courtship between Ones was overwhelmingly negative.

[Personal Note: For once, Nori's snooping hasn't paid off. I have already exchanged Names with Fíli before the courtship rituals and proper ceremony. We are on a quest, after all, and what if he got hurt? I must be able to find him. That's why we did not mention the Pull before we set off. Between Dori and Lady Dís, we would not have been allowed to leave until we were fully courted, bonded, betrothed, and probably married, too. I cannot say I regret it. Even if Fí and I did break things off, I'd want to see him.]

Master Balin married another and had a good marriage, though it ended some time before Erebor was lost.

Master Balin said that both his One and his spouse are in the Halls of their Maker, and he looked forward to seeing them again. 

Then he placed his pipe in his mouth as a signal that he was finished speaking. It seemed just about everyone was left with questions, but nobody dared ask.

[Personal Note: It was more than he had ever shared before. I did not even know he had married! Even Thorin and Oin looked a bit surprised that his spouse had not been his One. The only dwarf who looked unaffected was Master Balin’s brother, and I'm honestly unsure whether that was because he was previously aware of what Master Balin shared or because Dwalin was more focused on what he himself was about to reveal.]

Notes:

Just here to brag that I found the cheesiest parchment image ever. I definitely feel like it brings major 2000s LOTR fandom vibes which was the goal.
Also my OCs will eventually be major characters in my Durin Baggins verse series—which this soulmate AU is not a part of—but its the same OCs and you'll be able to see adult versions of them heheheh. A lot of the fics I have planned for that will be similar vibes to this with images and varying styles of text.
Note that dwarrow come of age at 60 so I figure they're like, teenagers/apprentices in their 20s.
3rd person Ori finally in the text!!! This is because he journals in third person like a freak.
If the khuzdul is bad, blame Tolkien for not making yet another fully fleshed out language. cmon man, you've got dialects and dialects of elvish but khuzdul isn't fully usable?

anyway! leave comments and kudos. bookmark and subscribe if you're interested in chapter 3 (which will be when the real drama goes down). I've got ofmd wips that are taking over my life but ch 3 (and ch 4-6 of my other Nwalin fic) will be up someday!

Chapter 3: From Ori's Desk, Cont.

Summary:

this chapter is dedicated to the reader who asked for more. <3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

From The Journal Detailing The Events Experienced By Thorin's Company

Dwalin cleared his throat, shifted a little, and then sat in silence for a long moment before finally speaking.

“I never told anyone, but I bonded with my One the night before the dragon came.” This revelation startled every member of the Company, including Thorin and Master Balin. 

"You bonded? With whom!?" blurted the latter. 

"That's the question, innit? We were soused when we met and felt the pull. And I think there were celebratory drinks afterward. Guess we figured we'd introduce ourselves sociably after the hangover was over, but that day never came. I woke up in a seedy bar an' ran toward the battle horns." 

“You don’t remember anything else about them? How does that work, if you bonded?”

"That's how it works, lad. You feel the pull, you can find them while alive. You introduce yourself politely, give them your name and address, introduce them to your family. Then you bond by exchanging True Names, the Pull fades, at least until you're both in the Halls." 

"I had no idea if they were still among the living, or if they had gone to live among Men, or the Iron Hills, or anywhere else Durin's folk had gone."

"WHY did you bond so quickly after feeling the Pull?" 

Dwalin couldn't say for sure. "We were drunk, and I canna know for sure until I meet them in the Halls, but... I have a feeling 't was cos I liked 'em. Always thought it was romantic to elope."

All the dwarrow in company had something to say, but one voice rose above the rest. 

Personal Note: Nori thought dwalin was lying! he could barely believe his ears, he's horrified and upset and in this moment he HATED him.

dwalin, irked, repeated "I don't know, we were DRUNK and then there was A DRAGON" 

Nori pushed it a little too far “That’s ridiculous. Nobody forgets their One.” 

Quickly: Dwalin was visibly hurt, someone told Nori to back off, and Dori told off nori for always being rude, but this was taking it too far. Ori shouted and told them all to calm down.

Dwalin, thoroughly offended, said "alright, where’s your One then? If your thief's tongue can even spill a truth."

Personal note: I noticed Nori's upset, he was more rattled than I'd ever seen before. He'd been anxious all evening but now... He was lashing out. I didn't know WHY but I knew he wasn't being senselessly cruel, even if I'd never seen him despise someone like he despised Dwalin. I chalked up the rest of the interaction to their ongoing sexual tension. Despite being bonded already, Dwalin was more invested in his question than he meant to seem.

Nori, just as insulted, said “fine! I met my One and we Bonded. There was a time when I thought we were going to court, all traditional-like; but when he learned more about me, he was disgusted by my lifestyle. I learned too late, Ones of the soul cannot always overcome the prejudices of the mind.”

Nori's brothers gaped at him. 

Dori didn’t know Nori met his One.

Ori finally understood what had plagued Nori for so many years. Nori had always said he didn’t really believe Ones work.

Years ago, Nori gave Ori a very depressing and pessimistic talk about courting a One.

Every sad moment of the Company's stories has had Nori sighing in a way that Ori knows means he thinks they are proving him right. 

Now, everyone stared at him with horror and pity. Despite everyone else's struggles, this was far from typical.

Bilbo inquired why.

Dwalin declared "Any dwarf with honor intend to support and care for their One no matter the cost."  

Dori and Ori both had an arm out. Nori's bicep was tense under Ori's palm. His hands were curled into fists, gripping his legs. 

Master Balin, ever the historian explained, "Ones receive unconditional love! Not everyone courts and marries, but Bonding is a contract nevertheless. A Bonded One who has done something truly abhorrent, which means they are a prisoner for all their days, deserves a One who treats them humanely." 

Dwalin said firmly: "But none of this matters here. It's disgusting to think of a dwarf who would reject their One for a minor crime like stealing. If I found mine, I'd accept my One even with a record of arrests like Nori's."

Nori stared at Dwalin with huge eyes and finally said “You're either the worst fucking liar I've ever met, or now I'm the one who's never been so wrong before in their fucking life.”

"Fucking thief stole the best apology of my entire life," grumbled Thorin, "and what is he talking about, anyway?"

"Hush, Thorin, and I suspect you'll see," said Bilbo, who might also have put together what was about to happen.

Nori said, with a steady voice that did not betray the tremble Ori could feel, "I met my One at Soxa's tavern in Erebor, on an evening where they served moonshine dirt-cheap, and we traded Names in case we died of alcohol poisoning. I didn't see him again until the refugee circuit. His name was [redacted]. 

There was a reflexive outcry against saying a dwarf’s true name.

Ori recalls Master Balin exclaiming, “Lad—wa—?”

Dwalin stood and the group went silent. 

He said a name.

Ori recognized it, even though he knew Nori did not like it to be spoken aloud. Ever.

He had thought it was a crime/insecurity/vigilance thing but now he began to realize it was the pain that was even deeper than Ori had ever suspected.

Nori and Dwalin sat staring at each other, stunned like trolls in the yellow light of dawn. Finally Thorin threw something at Dwalin. Nori's brothers pushed him until he stood to take Dwalin's hand.

Dwalin fell to his knees and his voice returned, now a string of apologies in a mixture of Khuzdul, westron, and a mannish dialect which sounded vaguely northern.

Nori tried for dry levity, and asked, "well, is it your apologies I need or isn't it?" to which Dwalin said "..okay, I won't apologize for the dragon; I'll kill his ass; but I am sorry for ever allowing you to believe I would be a bad One to you, for misrepresenting myself; for whatever I said that made you lose faith in my honor. I would be the partner I promised, if you would let me, starting now."

Nori released a dry sob. Dwalin pulled him into a hug without standing, but his head still reached past Nori's shoulder. 

Personal Note: I will never forget the look on Nori's face. I cannot describe it. Decades of relief and hurt and anger flickered across his face. His muscles slumped and he leaned into the embrace.

"I'm just glad this happened before I tried to ask you to court without being Ones," Dwalin said quietly, before waling his One away from the group and into the forest. 

 

There’s a lot of kissing and arguing and Bilbo goes “so… dori?”

And dori goes “oh im craft wed” and they talk about that. Bilbos like hm. Maybe that’s me. Or maybe... im hugely gay

Notes:

is it even a The Hobbit fic if you DONT have to read that line for the millionth time, dear reader? god knows IM a little tired of it, but it was fun for Nori to steal it. and you just know Thorin was irritated as fuck.

 

no images, I'm just finally posting the rough draft years later with a few quick edits. Shoutout to the reader who asked for more!