Chapter Text
“You know I don’t see how going on a date in your apartment will help Tad realise that you’re off-limits,” Ronan said, stretching out on the tiny couch in Adam’s loft, watching Adam cook. Did it even count towards their date total if no one else saw him?
Adam rolled his eyes, tossing Ronan a dirty look. “It’s about the overall believability, Ronan.”
“But no one can see us,” Ronan said, confused at the prospect. He thought he was here just to pick Adam up and that they would be going out somewhere public for some Hallmarkesque date. That was what they were doing the last few days. Not that he minded that he got to spend time with Adam alone, but it made it harder to determine what the rules were. Was he supposed to act like they were dating or just friends? This was so much more complicated.
“People go on all kinds of dates. This is more realistic,” Adam said defensively. Ronan decided to stop pushing before they actually got into an argument. Adam probably had all sorts of well-thought-out rationale for all of their fake dates.
“I didn’t even know you could cook,” Ronan said, watching his practised hands stirring a big pot. He didn’t even know what he was making but it smelt good. Ronan loved seeing Adam in his apartment since he looked so much more comfortable here. His drawl was more pronounced, his jokes less refined and his laugh was louder. He wasn’t trying to hide any part of himself when he was just in front of Ronan. His apartment was small but it was all him, every last square inch of the place had a piece of Adam in it.
If he had it his way, they would never leave. He didn’t like the way Adam changed whenever other people were there.
“I can’t, except for a couple of things,” Adam said, “But it’s cheaper than eating out.”
“What can’t Adam Parrish do?” Ronan mocked despite being impressed. Gansey and Ronan lived off of frozen pizza, delivery from their favourite Chinese restaurant and a baffling amount of boxed mac and cheese.
Adam ignored him, concentrating on whatever he was doing in front of the stove. Ronan would offer to help but he quite liked the view he had from here. He’d likely be more hindrance than help anyway.
Adam came over to him, carrying a small spoon of sauce. Ronan stood up prepared to take the spoon from him.
“Here, how does this taste, babe?” Adam asked, sliding a spoon between his lips before he could move or register the pet name. Ronan’s mouth involuntary shut, tasting the sharp garlic mixed with the sweet tomatoes. It was good, flavourful and balanced.
“It’s good, Parrish,” Ronan said, looking at Adam as he drew back the spoon. They were still standing close together. Adam took a sharp breath in, looking right at Ronan’s eyes. He wasn’t making a single effort to move away. There’d been so many moments like this recently but there was no one else around. Why would he be faking this?
Ronan leant forward on impulse and pressed his lips against Adam’s. He had to lean slightly down to be level with him, sliding his arm around Adam to get closer to him. Adam’s lips were chapped but soft. He fit perfectly against him, he was a little cold but he was warming up against Ronan.
It was everything he always thought it would be except Adam wasn’t kissing back. He wasn’t kissing back. He didn’t want this. What was Ronan doing?
He jerked back at once and felt the blood drain from his face. Somehow he’d forgotten that this was all a ruse. He had let his heart get invested and tricked himself into believing it was real. But Adam didn’t want him like that, he never had. He was standing completely still, his eyes wide open in shock. He must be disgusted with Ronan. How could they be friends after this?
He was such an idiot, Ronan had to get out of here.
“Wait, Ronan-” Adam finally started saying. Ronan didn’t stick around to hear the rest of it.
Ronan raced out of the apartment, getting into his car haphazardly. He took a few moments to breathe, trying to suppress the tears he felt coming out. This wasn’t the place to cry. He started the car, driving aimlessly, just to get out of there.
He ended back at Monmouth though he barely remembered the actual ride there. Ronan ran up the stairs to his room, ignoring Gansey’s call of concerns. He couldn’t handle Gansey right now, not his smugness at being right nor his concern or overprotectiveness. Gansey would surely blame Adam but how could he tell him that this was no one’s fault besides his own. He was the one who kissed Adam when he didn’t want to be kissed. Ronan was a monster.
He blasted his music loudly to drown his thoughts and Gansey out. He felt like the room was caving in on him. There was this weight on his chest, he could barely breathe. Was this what heartbreak felt like?
Gansey banged on the side of his wall, his typical passive-aggressive way of asking Ronan to keep the volume down. Ronan banged back to spite him, not bothering to lower the music.
A knock came from outside the door. For fuck's sake. He really didn't like being around other people when he was like this. He ignored the knock, knowing from experience that Gansey would stop.
The knocking stopped as expected as he walked away, probably going to look for someone else to bother. That left Ronan alone again, with only his thoughts, the blaring music and a pounding headache.
The door opened all of a sudden. Did he not lock it? He leant up to flip Gansey off but it wasn’t him. How did Adam get here so fast? Ronan had definitely been speeding the whole way.
“Ronan, would you talk to me?” Adam said. He was barely audible through all the sound but he could read his lips. Ronan shut his eyes and turned the dial up to increase the volume, waiting for Adam to leave. Everyone did in the end so Ronan just had to wait him out.
He didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to hear whatever bullshit rejection he was going to give him. The worst part is that he knew Adam would be nice about it; he was never cruel to Ronan. He didn’t think he could handle looking in his eyes while knowing that he didn’t have a chance, knowing that the door to their relationship was closed forever.
He should never have agreed to his stupid plan. Ronan was an idiot; Gansey was right. Of course, this would hurt. What was he thinking?
Suddenly the music cut out and he squinted his eyes open in response. Adam was still standing in front of him and he looked pissed. Anger was better than pity. Ronan knew how to deal with anger.
“What, Parrish?” Ronan asked, his chin jutted forward defensively as he prepared for what he had to say. He could handle this.
Adam immediately deflated, the fire in his eyes leaving. Adam never backed down so easily. “This was stupid, I should- I should go.”
Ronan reached to grab Adam’s hand as he turned. He wanted nothing more than for Adam to leave but the thought of watching him turn away from Ronan was too hard to bear. He was a mess of contradictions.
“Parrish,” he bit out, shutting his eyes before grinding out, “I’m sorry.”
Ronan didn’t apologise for much but if anything called for one, it was this. He shouldn’t have kissed Adam especially not without his permission.
He felt Adam’s hand curl around his cheek. Ronan kept his eyes closed, waiting for something to happen. If this was anyone else in the world, Ronan would’ve been scared that he was about to be decked. But this was Adam. Adam who wouldn’t punch anyone, Adam who he trusted.
“Don’t be sorry,” Adam said softly before shuffling closer.
Ronan felt a soft pressure against his lips. Adam was kissing him. Adam was kissing him.
Ronan kissed back fervently. Maybe he had a chance after all. It was probably too good to be true. Ronan wasn't going to let him go, not again. This was even better than before. Adam was a good kisser, good at this as he is in all things, and Ronan felt dizzy with want.
A little moan escaped Ronan’s throat when Adam brushed his hand over Ronan's short hair. Adam kissed him back hungrily, reassuring him that he wanted this. He tasted faintly like garlic and tomatoes. Ronan wanted to bury his face against Adam’s and stay here for eternity.
Adam pulled away but only slightly, letting his forehead rest on Ronan's while his other hand tangled with Ronan’s hair.
Ronan wrapped an arm around Adam’s waist, wanting to pull him even closer to him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t kiss back right away,” Adam whispered, his voice hoarse and low, "I was surprised."
“I was surprised too,” Ronan admitted. He wasn’t planning on kissing Adam. He didn’t know what came over him.
“The only reason I asked you to be my fake boyfriend was because I already liked you and I thought if we went on dates, it would be easier to ask you out for real. Maybe you’d say yes if we were closer and I proved that I could be a good boyfriend, ” Adam said quietly, not meeting his eye.
Ronan huffed out a laugh at the thought of that. “Are you kidding? There’s no world in which I would’ve said no to you asking me out.”
“Oh,” Adam grinned, lighting up. How could he have expected any other answer? Ronan was genuinely surprised he didn’t know, his feelings were hardly subtle.
“Yeah, oh,” Ronan replied, pressing a quick peck on Adam’s dimple. He was allowed to do this. He didn’t have to watch all his reactions and guard his every action in case it was too revealing. He was allowed to like Adam now.
“We were idiots, weren’t we?” Adam said.
“Speak for yourself, I was just being a phenomenal friend.”
“Is that what we’re going with?” Adam asked, laughing. He was so beautiful like this, carefree and light.
“Blue is never going to let us live this down,” Ronan realised, already wincing at all the jokes she’d surely make.
“Speaking of our obnoxious friends, we should probably go tell Gansey that everything is alright. He looked like he wanted to murder me,” Adam said. Ronan felt guilty that he came between their friendship but a little warm at Gansey's response nonetheless.
“Do we have to?” Ronan asked, tempted to let Gansey languish in uncertainty for a little longer.
“Ronan," Adam said firmly, narrowing his eyes at him.
“Alright,” he caved in quickly. There was little he wouldn't do for Adam. He pushed open his bedroom door and saw Gansey immediately.
He was sitting on the couch, unsubtly staring at the door, and twirling his phone. He perked up at the sight of them, setting down his phone to stand up. Gansey pulled them into a warm hug before either of them could protest. He pulled back quickly, overjoyed and bristling with excitement.
“Finally,” Gansey grinned, eyes swerving between both of them. He seemed as happy as Ronan himself felt.
“What do you mean, finally? You were so unsupportive,” Ronan replied, unwilling to let him go this easily.
“Yeah, after I found out it was fake. I am, of course, supportive of your real relationship. I love Adam. I love you,” Gansey said, nodding at each of them respectively, “You’re perfect together.”
Adam squeezed his hand and Ronan looked back at him. He didn’t know if perfection existed, but this came awfully close. It was all worth it in the end.