Chapter Text

Everthing is going to be fine in the End

If it’s not fine .- It’s not the End

Prologue: Loneliness

156        missed calls

3042     unread messages

The efforts of my friends on Duskwood to get in touch with me. However, I had ignored it all.

Successfully ignored!

The shock was still haunting me. Richy had been behind the kidnapping of Hannah. Moreover, he was to blame for Amy Bell Lewis' suicide . Although he didn't mean to do it at all.

I really wasn't able to explain this. I felt pity for him. After all, he wasn't a bad person. All of this just had happened because he felt responsible for the death of Jennifer Hanson in the accident. He

wasn't even at the scene. Instead, he had handed over the AMC Gremlin to Amy and Hannah.

Knowing neither of the girls had a driver's license. In fact, he was drunk at the Pine Glade Festival and wasn't fit to drive.He was well aware that Hannah was able to drive a  car. After all, she had practised her driving skills several times on the grounds of Roger's garage.

Believing in Hannah's ability to handle the vehicle, Richy had left the AMC Gremlin to the two girls.

I couldn't blame him!

Admittedly, even as hard as I tried. Richy couldn't have known that Hannah would fail to spot Jennifer on the roads in the dark. Even so, it was within the realm of possibility that an inexperienced driver overestimated herself and her skills. However, who expected the worst? I would have been so naive, too. I would have probably acted the same way.

There is no way I could justify the fact that 10 years after this tragic accident he had pretended to be a man without a face in order to scare Hannah and Amy....

Well, why did he scare them at all?

to teach a lesson?

For getting revenge for his guilt?

I couldn't help but think about all this. I didn't just think about his motives, I also thought about how I would have acted in his situation. Our fates were connected in a strange way somehow. As Richy, I was also innocently involved in a case, whose control I had invariably lost in the end. Granted, I was not responsible for a suicide the way he was.

I gulped.

Of course I was!

I saw it on the cameras. I could clearly see Richy spilling the gasoline. I had tried to reach him a thousand times by phone. But he didn't pick up the phone.

Helplessly I had to watch how he had lit the gasoline.

Helplessly, I screamed at him to stop this crap.

Knowing he wouldn't hear a single word I said.

I couldn't save him!

Because of my involvement in Hannah's missing case. There was blood on my hands from now on.

Richy's blood!

I had to live with this burden forever now.

Still, that wasn't the reason why my hatred for Richy overshadowed my compassion for him.

It wasn't because I felt betrayed. I did, without a doubt. All this time searching and worrying for Hannah, he had lied to us.

And actually, I should be furious about THAT....

Still....

There was this one thing...

The one thing for which I never could forgive Richy. Jake had also been in the mines. I was 100% sure something had happened to him!

Jake stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I never ever should have let him go into those mines. Clearly, I need to have been more forceful.

To me, the only enemy was the Man Without a Face.

We all thought Michael Hanson had appropriated this old legend to get revenge for the accidental death of his daughter.

In retrospect, it was pure mockery to say the man with no face was Richy. I guess I would have never been in any real danger if I had gone into those old Duskwood mines.

In contrast to Jake.

His pursuers had been close enough on his trail.

Soo…

I stopped my thoughts. Still, it was tough for me to finish this thought. I wasn't sure if Jake could leave the mines before Richy's inferno. If he had, however, he had probably run into the his pursuers, the FBI.

Sure, had been this little glimmer of hope. That little inconspicuous glimmer of hope that turns into an inferno of desperation with every second of waiting. Jake would have called if he had been safe.

There is no way, never in his life, he would have left his last message just like that.

Especially as I had already shown with my answer that I was returning his feelings. The three magic words he wrote to me made me believe I was heading towards my happy ending.

Instead, now I was literally drowning in despair. Not knowing if he had even seen my last message - it was hell. Regardless of which of the two end scenarios was the truth. Jake should know that I loved him too.

In case the FBI got a hand on him, surely it would give him strength. He would know I was waiting for him. He needed to know that he would be the one and only forever. The only one who ever mattered and always would. He meant exactly as much to me as I did to him.

This must have given him hope. He wouldn't drown in his despair and helplessness with this knowledge.

As am I.

My salty tears felt like they were burning on my skin. I was unable to fight back the worst of all thoughts.

What if Jake hadn't escaped from the mines?

But was it peaceful knowing that I loved him?

Was it hell?

Would it make him suffer even more?

If I were in his place in the mines, I surely had suffered. At exactly the moment I realized I wouldn't make it out of the mines alive. Knowing that I would be leaving him alone would have been worse than my own death sentence.

Increasingly more tears rushed down my face. Breathing was getting harder and harder for me with every new draught.

Of all people, why did I have to be dragged into the Hannah Donfort disappearance case?

Until today, I didn't have an answer to this question. Honestly, I didn't want to have one either. The reason I had been torn from my carefree and happy life seemed so insignificant. Just like the fact that I had saved Hannah.

All that didn't matter.

The price I had to pay was just too high!

I had lost Jake!

Maybe forever...

Otherwise he would get in contact with me. He would never take that long to reach out to me! So long had already passed. So much time that I' d lost track of everything.

Wait.

This was a lie....

I was well aware that it was seven weeks, three days, fifteen hours and thirty-eight minutes!

It was pure self-protection...

When I thought about the exactly period of time, I was still destroying all the seeds of hope that I had inside of me.

Three days without contact could still mean that something or someone had prevented him from getting in touch with me directly. But almost two months just makes this unlikely.

I gasped as I heard the ringing of my cell phone. Enthusiastically, I grabbed it, just to hit the hard ground of reality in the next moment.

Of course, it was not Jake.

Jessy has been missed call number 157

Admittedly, I probably her most attempts to reach me to speak. The fact that her attempts to contact me increased in the last time didn't make it easier for me. However, I couldn't and didn't want to talk to any of them.

I know I was lying to myself to some part. After learning Richy had been the kidnapper all along, I really didn't know how to face them. My greatest fear was that someone might tell me that they had also found Jake's body in the mines. The only thing I didn't want to admit to myself was that I wasn't quite yet able to give up this glimmer of hope.

Once again my cell phone rings.

Once again its Jessy.

Again, I didn't have the mental strength to answer her call. In fact, I didn't want to ignore them for such a long period of time. All my thoughts, instead, were currently centered on Jake.

I wouldn't be any help to Jessy. I wouldn't be supportive in the way that she needed and deserved. Quite simply, I was an emotional wreck. The day before yesterday I smashed my bathroom mirror out of anger. Hitting it with full power with my fist. Not even the injuries I had inflicted on myself bothered me.

So I didn't really even feel the physical pain.

The little squeaky voice in my head tried to make me aware of the fact that I had reached all the warning signals and urgently needed professional help. But I managed to block out this quiet voice perfectly.

If I was completely honest with myself: I wanted to suffer!

The feeling that I deserved to suffer felt too intense. For the way it all ended was entirely my fault. Richy would have never seriously harmed Hannah.

I should never have reacted to Thomas's message.

I shouldn't have let myself get tempted to play detective.

And above all, I should never have given in to my fascination with this mysterious hacker.

If I hadn't wanted to make his acquaintance...

If we hadn't got to know each other better...

Then we never would have fallen in love with each other.

Jake wouldn't go into those damn mines in place of me. Well, he would be safe now. There was no way he would have been in any danger at all. Still hiding from his pursuers.

Why didn't I mistrust him from the start, like the rest?

Why had I been so generous as to trust him immediately?

 Let's face it, he didn't deserve that!

How was I unable to see just that he was behaving so suspiciously?

No, I had to fall in love with the hacker who was wanted by the government!

Definitely should rethink what kind of men I prefer….

Once again my mobile phone rang

Once again it was Jessy

Missed call 159...

160...

161...

162...

163...

164...

This time she was really pushy!

165...

166...

167...

I guess Jessy hoped that I would get weak and not continue to ignore her. In a way, I had been on the verge, too.

I wanted it to stop...

That everything would stop...

In retrospect, not taking the call had been a good idea. My self-destructive phase might have led me to yell at her to leave me alone. It wouldn't have been fair to her and her situation. After all, she had lost Richy....

She and Richy were....

The doorbell of my flat startled me.

Who the heck was ringing the doorbell at that time?

Staggering, I made my way to open the door for my unknown visitor.

"I'm coming!" I groaned annoyed. I didn't even entertain the possibility it could be Jake. After all, he didn't even know where I lived. Not to mention he didn't even know my surname.

So how could he find me?

And especially why show up here after almost two months of absence?

"I'm here!" I yelled, angry rather than annoyed by the disturbing sound of my doorbell.

"What the fuck?!", I yelled the moment I opened the door. I didn't care about who was there. The person was allowed to know how much their behaviour was driving me up the wall.

I hadn't given a thought to how inappropriate my behaviour might be. This wasn't just because I was shouting my frustrations of the last few months in the face of a stranger. After all, there was also the likelihood that I was putting myself in danger. The FBI, for example, would certainly not be squeamish if they weren't shown the necessary respect. Especially when you almost had your own love affair with a wanted hacker.

Probably I wouldn't have cared about all the consequences either.

Jake was gone and that was all that mattered to me. I had lost the love of my life.

So what could happen to me that was more terrible than that?

 I froze as I realised who was standing in front of me.

"J...J...J...J..." I stammered. I was completely speechless. I couldn't believe who was standing in front of me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: Romantic and action-packed

My shock stupor seemed to amuse my unexpected visitor. My own blinking told me that I was slowly becoming able to handle myself again.

"Jessy?!", finally I had found my speech again.

"What are you doing here?", my own question had caught me off guard. The first question uttered was followed by a thousand more questions in my head.

Why was she here?

How had she come here?

Above all, how did she know where I lived?

I had never given my address in all that time. Not to her, not to anyone else in the group. Even about the town I lived in, I never mentioned it.

Not even to Jake!

 Wait…

Had Jake found out my address?

But why hadn't he come himself?

Was he still in danger?

Or did he think I refused to see him?

Did he really had no idea how much I missed him?

  That had to be obvious to him!

After all, I had revealed my feelings for him in the same way.

And if he was still in danger, he would never take the risk and research my address.

Or would it?

Or was I in danger?

Had his pursuers found out my address?

And was Jessy here to warn me?

 Wait!

None of this made any sense!

I wouldn't be able to give the FBI any information. 

Apart from the fact that I no longer had any contact with Jake, I hardly knew anything about him. I didn't know what he looked like. The only thing he had told me was that he had black hair. 

I had only ever heard his voice through a voice eater. 

In general, he had been very sparse with information about himself. A fact that I had always accepted. He wanted to protect me and I knew that. At least since his pursuers had tried to hack my smartphone. Thanks to Nymos, a programme that he had installed on my mobile phone for my protection, they hadn't succeeded.

I wondered if Nymos was still active.... 

Jake would still protect me, wouldn't he?

Even though I knew absolutely nothing about this man, I knew that he was my soulmate. I didn't realise how weird this sounded. However, I probably wouldn't have cared about that fact either. I loved....

"You look awful!", Jessy snapped me out of my thoughts. 

Crap!

I had completely forgotten about her presence.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated my question and noticed how my tone became more and more unfriendly with every syllable. 

" Why don't you let me come in first," Jessy said in a good mood and didn't let my dismissive attitude bother her.

"Yeah, sure...", I finally mumbled, still overwhelmed with the situation. Jessy's light-hearted, cheerful manner didn't exactly make it easier for me to sort out my thoughts. I had met her like this, but due to recent events I had not expected this.

Quite simply, it overwhelmed me....

Of all people, she was the closest to Richy. The last video call between the two of them had really broken my heart. I couldn't talk to her about it, after all, thanks to Jake, I had been able to watch it secretly. It had been terrible not to be able to comfort her at that moment.

I had literally felt her pain... 

This should be gone by now?

After less than two months?

Could she so easily overlook the fact that Richy had burnt to death in agony?

Was she even happy about his death in retrospect?

Somehow I couldn't even imagine that!

Maybe I just didn't want to allow this thought either....

The others had been friends with Richy for years. Then to learn that he was Hannah's kidnapper couldn't have passed them by without leaving a trace. 

But that couldn't mean that Jessy and the others were happy about his suicide!

He was still their friend!

Or was I simply too sensitive? 

And did the whole situation affect me more than the others? 

I couldn't imagine that either. 

He had been their goddamn friend!

For years!

Decades!

Jessy's sceptical look brought me back to reality. 

I had forgotten her presence!

Again...

I sighed. 

"Sorry for the mess...", I said as I opened the door completely. "But I wasn't expecting any visitors..." 

To my amazement, Jessy giggled. " If you had ever taken my calls, you would have known I was coming," I couldn't place her statement. Her chosen words sounded like an accusation. But her cheerful, happy tone of voice suggested more the opposite. 

"Oh my God, [MC]" she said in horror as her eyes fell on the piles of food wrappers. I hadn't noticed till then that there were now a few flies buzzing around them.

"You really have shut yourself off from everything and everyone," strangely enough, her words sounded as if she had expected nothing else.

Suddenly, a strange feeling arose in me that literally tightened my throat. I couldn't explain this. It was a mixture of my sadness, my despair and my guilt. She had made me realise with that short sentence just how wrong my reaction to the whole situation had been. But I was still trapped too much in my emotions to change anything.

"I...well...actually we...figured you weren't doing so well." Jessy must have been reading what was on my mind in the expression on my face. Otherwise I couldn't explain her quick reply.

"You haven't responded to our messages or calls," Jessy continued calmly and I turned my guilty gaze to the floor. 

"At first we thought you needed some time... Especially because of Jak-", she faltered abruptly. 

At first I didn't understand.

But then my own body language penetrated my consciousness. My eyes were wide open and my gaze was directed from the floor to her. My whole body was trembling. My vision became increasingly blurred. But she couldn't have seen the tears in my eyes. She had caught me in an embrace. An embrace I would have liked to return, but my body was paralysed. 

No, that was wrong. 

My body no longer felt like my owner.

I could hardly breathe. 

I wanted to scream. 

But, the empty shell that was my body just stood there. 

Motionless, unable to move. 

No chance to escape the situation. 

I knew what Jessy would say to me now.

Jake was dead....

Again, that movie played in my head. 

She would tell me right now...

I wasn't ready for that...

I would never be ready for that... 

I struggled for air. But with every attempt to breathe in the vital oxygen, my throat purred more and more.

Jake was dead...

Jake was dead...

Jake was burned in the mines....

All because of me....

I was no longer in this moment, no longer in the embrace. That's why I didn't feel Jessy pressing me closer and closer to her. My mind was going crazy....

"He's certainly fine...[MC]...probably...," Jessy whispered in a soft tone.

"Jessy...", I sobbed without knowing what I wanted to say. The first thing I felt on my body again was the flood of tears that ran down my cheek. I couldn't hold on any longer, so more and more tears found their way down my face. Finally, I clung to her embrace.

"I was really hoping that you two had forgotten to contact us during your honeymoon..." she giggled in her attempt to cheer me up. But she achieved the opposite...

Again I struggled for breath, again the pain paralysed my body....

But I managed, for whatever reason, to get a grip on myself.

"He was in the mines, too," I cracked weakly.

"He had trouble finding an exit...", my voice failed.

It wasn't easy to say my greatest fear out loud.

"And then there was the fire..." I finally stammered. Another flood of tears ran down my cheeks. My fear about Jake was growing by the second. I opened my mouth. I finally had to say it. 

For me…

I finally had to realise for myself that Jake's trip to the mines didn't have a happy ending, there wouldn't be a they live happily ever after for us.

"He certainly didn't get out in time...", my words didn't give the relief I had hoped for.

They actually just made it worse....

Jake's death felt real all of a sudden...

"It can't be!", Jessy managed to get both a serious and calm tone in her voice all at once. I knew she was trying to comfort me, but her words triggered anger in me.

I knew she was lying.

She said that just to give me hope. 

An unrealistic hope...

I released myself from the embrace and shouted at her: "Why can't that be? Richy started the fire! Jake was in the mines! I haven't heard a word from him since then! So he was still in the mines! So how could he get out in time!!!"

"No dead body was found!", Jessy's voice was calm, but also emotionless. 

"No dead body found?", I snapped at her. "And Richy has magically survived, huh?!"

"Yes...", she said curtly. I thought her last sentence had been emotionless. But this one word contained no expression of emotion at all.

I blinked in confusion.

It took me a few minutes to understand the meaning of this yes. 

"Richy is alive?!", I was stunned.

Jessy confirmed by nodding her head in a certain way. I couldn't help but stare at her with wide eyes. 

"How?" I managed to say.

She just shrugged her shoulders. 

My facial expression must have told her that I wouldn't be satisfied with her answer. She quickly added: "I don't know what exactly happened. Hannah had only noticed how everyone had suddenly made their way to the entrance of the mine. Then she saw that ambulance staff had taken care of Richy." Jessy paused for a moment. "He was then taken to hospital." She lowered her gaze. "Severe smoke inhalation."

I lowered my gaze as well. 

"I understand," I murmured finally. 

The feeling of relief spread through me. I wouldn't have thought it possible myself, but there it was. The relief. Richy had survived! I was so happy. All the guilt, my helplessness, all that fell away from me. The weight which had almost crushed my body.

Richy was alive. Jake might still be alive too. After all, his body had never been found. 

The only thing that remained was that the FBI had got hold of him after all. 

At last I felt hope again.

If he were actually in prison right now, I would get him out of there. 

Somehow. 

I think I could manage that. 

It might all work out after all.

"Thank God!", I breathed out my relief. 

Jessy looked at me with a confused, as well as hurt, expression on her face.

"How is Richy now?", I asked joyfully. 

But Jessy was silent for a long moment, a few seconds, almost a minute.

"He's in the psychiatric ward now. Still seriously suicidal," it was frightening to hear Jessy, who was usually so cheerful and happy, in a voice that was cold with emotion. Of all my friends from Duskwood, the whole situation must have hit her the hardest. Richy and her were so close that I always thought they had these sweet, innocent, romantic feelings for each other.  So sweet and innocent that neither of them dared to express these feelings openly. By now, it was more of a terrifying fear that I was correct. At first I thought it was cute to play the matchmaker a bit. But now I regretted it. 

A regret that brought me back to reality. 

I had interfered in matters that weren't my concern at all.

All the hope that had been building up in me fell away.

If I was completely honest, I had probably only made it worse by my behaviour. Once again, I had clearly exceeded my competence. In the end, I had only brought more suffering on her.

Just as I had done with Jake....

Everyone would have been better off if I hadn't interfered in this whole story.  

I didn't want to imagine the emotional chaos Jessy had to be in. To know that the man who had comforted her the next day had attacked her the night before. Knowing that her best friend was behind it all.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and couldn't say exactly what I was apologising for. 

Actually, it didn't matter...

There were enough reasons to justify an apology. 

Too many 

Far too many...

I heard Jessy sigh. My empty gaze probably had to disappear slowly, because I could slowly recognise her contours.

"I just haven't decided if I can forgive Richy," she said in a pained voice. "All of us, actually." Jessy paused again for a moment to speak. It seemed as if she was considering whether to say or keep quiet about something. 

"Right now, none of us are ready to talk about it either. So we're just avoiding it," Jessy smiled mischievously. 

"But this isn't right! Not well at all! You're totally repressing it! It will come back to you like a boomerang one day," I admonished, startled, realising why she had hesitated to tell me. In the past I had often enough proved my talent for telling off. I could hardly restrain myself now either. They couldn't just pretend the whole thing had never happened. I had just opened my mouth to continue with my lecture, but Jessy cut me off.

"You don't even have to start, as if crawling away, locked up in your own flat and ignoring all of us is definitely not the better option," she said snappishly. 

Touché...

I looked down at the floor in shame, but immediately looked up again when I heard her giggle. 

"It's okay. Sort of," she said, smiling kindly. "That's why I'm here." 

I had never seen such a wide grin on her lips. The corners of my mouth started an attempt to return her smile with one of my own. However, the attempt failed at the first muscle movement. 

"Your saviour in shining armour, come on my romantic and action-packed adventure to take you, my fair maiden, to my castle at Duskwood," Jessy spoke theatrically. It wasn't just her exaggerated way of speaking that made me laugh, but her gestures as well. 

An honest, upright laugh. 

Something I no longer believed I would ever be able to do again.

"I have a few objections," I snorted. 

" Which are?", Jessy raised an eyebrow contemptuously, but her wide grin betrayed her.

"First of all, you are my saviour in times of need. I have to have that much time," I emphasised the word in times of need.

"Objection sustained," she said with feigned snootiness. Moreover, she punctuated her statement with a waving hand gesture, as if she were the Queen herself. 

"Then you're wearing a dress, not armour," I tried to play up my indignation at this fact, pointing to her yellow, flowered summer dress. But most of my words were probably lost in my chuckle. 

"I took those off," she sighed playfully. "Way too heavy."

"But at least you rode a white steed here, right?", I giggled.

Jessy rolled her eyes. "The horse broke down before I left Duskwood..." she giggled.

I pulled an exaggeratedly offended face.

"Then your adventure wasn't romantic and action-packed at all," I pouted, giggling.

"What?!" my best friend retorted with exaggerated indignation. "I travelled five hours by train to get here! What could be more romantic and action-packed than that?!!!"

"Nothing at all!", I laughed at the top of my lungs. I couldn't help myself, but I had to hug her at that moment.. Jessy had managed to be the needed ray of sunshine in my gloomy, dreary world. I was really lucky to have found a best friend like her.

"I do have one more objection, though," I finally said. "Actually, I promised to rescue you from Duskwood in a romantic and action-packed way and bring you to Colville."

"Oh, that's fine!" said Jessy good-humouredly. "Now you just needed to be rescued more."

Jessy intensified our embrace. Actually, I wanted to tell her that my promise was only postponed and not cancelled. That we would soon be going to Colville and I would help her build her dream life there. In her dream flat, with her dream job and everything else she would want. A personality like Jessy deserved more than anything to be happy.

But before I had a chance to say anything, she said in a sad voice, "I'm sorry I'm not the prince charming you were hoping for."

"Oh Jessy!", I sighed and then smiled and added: "You're better!"##

Of course, in a way she was right in what she said. Deep inside I had hoped all along, especially when the doorbell had rung, that Jake would show up here at my place. But Jessy, who had taken the place of my best friend in the short time I had known her, was somehow better.

Her visit showed me that I shouldn't concentrate on the one I had apparently lost forever. Instead, I should focus on the ones I still had left.

"I'm sorry it's been so long since I've been in touch. I must have caused you a lot of worry," I mumbled my apology guiltily but sincerely.

" You know, I understand you...[MC]" she replied calmly, yet sadly. "It took me a few days myself... processing everything and all" Jessy broke away from my embrace. Immediately I noticed that her smile was only fake.

"Now we just have to find Jake and our little group is finally complete," I couldn't interpret her voice. She didn't sound particularly happy. Especially as it didn't sound like she completely rejected Jake as a member of our group.

"Oh Jake...who is Jake?", I tried to joke. However, I didn't succeed at all. Just thinking his name ripped a deep hole in my heart. I quickly tried to cover the situation with a shrug of my shoulders.

Jessy curled the corners of her mouth strangely. Again, I couldn't place her reaction.

It almost seemed as if she knew something about his whereabouts....

Something that she probably wanted to keep away from me. 

Perhaps I was just seeing things in my own mind.

It wasn't that improbable. Especially because I was so desperately grasping at any straw.

"By the way, he hasn't contacted Lilly either," her voice sounded as if she was afraid of my reaction.

But why?

"Lilly is sure that he would have contacted her as well," she added hastily and uncertainly. I didn't understand anything anymore.

What was Jessy getting at?

Jake's disappearance wasn't new information!

It was also more than understandable that Lilly was also hoping for a life sign from him. I would have understood Jessy's strange tone if he had contacted his younger half-sister. After all, that would have meant Jake had finally got cold feet.

Of course, that wouldn't be nice...

Horrible, in fact...

However, it would be a much better alternative than being burnt in agony or spending a long time in prison.

If he had really abandoned me, I might eventually hate him and forget about him.

But this way the question would always remain what if

"But I can't tell you why," Jessy followed so hastily that she almost swallowed a few syllables.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

Now I understood her hesitant reaction. She had seriously feared that I might become jealous of Lilly.

I opened my mouth and wanted to contradict her. But I remained silent. I had remembered in time why this thought was so absurd for me but not for her. Only Lilly and I shared his secret with Jake. Not even Hannah, with whom he had been in close

email contact years ago, had he revealed to her that he was her half-brother.

He probably wouldn't have even confided in Lilly if he hadn't been forced to by her video. She had thought Jake and I were the kidnappers. In the hope of getting her sister back, she had published personal information about us. It hadn't been particularly pleasant for me. All those strangers who thought I was a lousy kidnapper and their messages were accordingly unfriendly...

But for Jake it also meant that his pursuers finally had a lead. For his own safety, he had to go into hiding as quickly as possible. Something the insults were much more bearable. In a way, this made the tense situation between Lilly and me even more tense.

But Jake had succeeded, despite his absence, in making us friends after all. He had deliberately set up his puzzle in such a way that we were only able to solve it together. So Lilly had the final proof and left the video offline, thus complying with his request.

I, in turn, finally understood why Jake cared so much about finding Hannah in the first place.

I was a little ashamed that I thought he was her affair at the beginning.

After visiting her parents, Lilly had also understood why Jake hadn't originally planned to let her know his secret. It was very hard for her to look her father in the eye. After all, Jake is living proof of his affair.

With this thought, I answered a question which was just now sprouting up in me.

Lilly wouldn't tell Hannah the truth about Jake. As much as her sister deserved that information, Lilly wouldn't do that to her in the current situation. Hannah would only have gained a brother for that one millisecond, only to immediately realise afterwards that she had lost him forever.

That would leave only the realisation about the affair....

"Yes, I suppose he would have," I tried to say lovingly, but my concern for him drowned it out.

I heard Jessy exhale in relief only to hear a horrified "Wait, what?!" from her the next moment.

"Jake has his reasons for contacting her too," I didn't realise how secretive my choice of words was.

"That's what Lilly said," Jessy grumbled, annoyed.

I understood her. Certainly it was anything but nice to know that your own friends were keeping secrets from you. She certainly thought we wouldn't think her trustworthy enough to let her in on it.

"I'm sorry Jessy...", I sighed. "But it's Jake's secret. I'm sure you'll find out once the right time has come."

Her giggle made me jump. I had definitely not expected such a reaction.

"You're starting to sound like Jake," she grinned and I blushed. I hadn't even realised I'd used his exact choice of words.

once the right time has come

I wondered how many times Jake had written that one sentence....

I definitely hadn't counted.

But I knew it had been many times.

Too many times...

How this one sentence had always driven me up the wall in our investigations....

"I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you," I was annoyed with myself. Now I had noticed for myself how much I sounded like Jake. My face colour only got darker now.

Jessy giggled all the more. "You're a good match."

I would have liked to have sunk into the floor. It was very embarrassing to be told something like that to my Face. Jessy had probably noticed that this topic made me very uncomfortable, so she added: "And I'll be maid of honour at your wedding."

"Jessy!" I cried out indignantly. She had been aware that the subject of Jake and me made me uncomfortable and yet she had continued to tease.

I punctuated my displeasure with a grumble.

"A little payback for the secrets," she now teased.

"Unfair!", I protested.

" Just because you don't know what Lilly's punishment is.", she grinned conspiratorially.

"Poor Lilly!", I laughed and Jessy joined in.

But she stopped abruptly. Nervously, she looked at the floor.

"There's something else...", she mumbled sheepishly.

"Yes?", I asked uncertainly.

Did she know something about Jake?

Something she had trouble telling me?

I quickly realised how ridiculous this thought was.

Just because my world revolved completely around Jake didn't mean hers did....

"When we get to Duskwood, you have to see Alan Bloomgate," she explained nervously.

"Why?" I asked, seriously unsure.

"You still have to make a statement...", she explained further.

I was so stupid!!!

How could I have forgotten that Alan Bloomgate was the head of Duskwood's police headquarters. I had also seen that Alan had contacted me. Of course he wasn't just going to chat....

I really was that stupid!!!

Finally, unintentionally, I had put myself in danger after all.

I had broken my promise to Jake....

Alan was certainly anything but amused by the fact that I ignored him again.

"We just managed to convince him not to issue a warrant for your arrest," Jessy confirmed my thoughts.

"Isn't that a bit exaggerated?", I tried to downplay the situation.

"He was really furious!", Jessy continued. "Said he'd find a reason and all..."

With an annoyed roll of my eyes, I tried to cover my fear. I definitely didn't fancy a spell in prison, even a short one.

"But I convinced him not to do it if I took you to Duskwood," she told me.

I let this information sink in for a moment.

"Wait!" I said, startled. "You got my address from Alan?!"

The realisation had hit me like a blow. Everything suddenly made sense.

Well, almost everything...

At least how Jessy had found out my address.

"Exactly," she confirmed.

"I guess the Duskwood police don't think much of privacy," I grumbled.

"Is it bad that I'm here?" Jessy asked, startled.

I shook my head. "Not at all!" I smiled in response. "I'm honestly glad you're here."

"I'm glad too, [MC]" she replied with a smile. "Finally, we get to meet in person."

"Yes.", I smiled.

"The others are also looking forward to seeing you! You know, after your statement to the police, we want to go to the hut and finally have a holiday," she told me about the plan.

"But you don't mean the hut, do you?", somehow I couldn't imagine that she or any of the others would want to return to that hut again voluntarily. Not that that hut wasn't beautiful.

That idyllic atmosphere....

Somehow I would have liked to have been there then.

Even if it was really just a hiding place from the man without a Face.

But somehow, just at the beginning, the atmosphere had been so harmonious.

Lilly had called me especially when everyone was sitting around the campfire and Thomas was playing his guitar.

I would have loved to have been there...

With Jake...

Fittingly, we had just been writing to each other. The call had interrupted us, but I could lose myself all the more in the thoughts of Jake and me cuddling by the campfire with the guitar music.

Jessy's giggle brought me back to reality before I got lost in my fantasy again. I wanted to find out whether she or the others really thought it was a good idea to take a holiday in the refuge hut.

But Jessy had managed to change the subject beforehand.

"Well, we have to go to the Aurora first. My brother literally insists that you come by," she grinned meaningfully.

"Why?" I asked, puzzled. I really couldn't explain why Phil was so keen to meet me.

"Well, because he was able to leave prison again thanks to your investigation," she fluted cheerfully.

"Well.", I said quietly. It seemed, with all the crap I'd spouted, there was something right about it after all.

"...At least something," I sighed.

But I didn't feel particularly comfortable with the idea of meeting Phil.

It wasn't because I didn't like him.

On the contrary.

Phil had been very nice and polite.

But...

I knew Jake wouldn't like it at all.

He was so jealous of Phil.

Even if he didn't want to admit it.

His groundless rejection against Phil could only be explained in this way.

Oh, Jake, where are you?

"Youuuu?", Jessy suddenly started. "How about you take a shower and I'll start cleaning up around here?"

"Um well a shower really wouldn't be a bad idea...", I began. I must have stunk terribly. After all, I had also neglected my personal hygiene a lot in the last two months.

On top of everything else.

"But I can clean up in a minute myself...",I said now ashamed.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll do it," she smiled. "And now get in the shower!"

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: The journey begins

I watched the raindrops pouring down the window of the train. Jessy earphones were stuck in my left ear. The right counterpart had my seat neighbor in hers. We listened to her soft pop music. Actually, I didn't expect her to prefer this stereotypical girly music. Especially with her love for dusky legends, I had rather expected that her preferences would go in the rocker direction. On the other hand, this form fit more with her light-hearted personality. I was privileged to experience this in the flesh during the last three days.

It had really been a fantastic time. We had goofed around, watched horror movies and also rom-coms. I showed her my hometown. Combined with a shopping trip, we visited meaningful locations in my life. It was quite amusing to return to the old schoolyard of my elementary school as a young adult. I was able to be as carefree as a child once again. Especially because she didn't ask any unpleasant questions. Not a single one about my friends or family. Even after she had swept up the broken pieces of my bathroom mirror. I noticed her glance at the injury on the back of my hand. No doubt she could figure out what had happened. However, in this respect no word hardly crossed her lips.

Thankfully.

Last Friday night
Yeah, we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar

I heard Katy Perry singing. Inwardly I had to grin, this part reminded me of Cleo and Thomas. Then the question came to my mind whether the house ban in the Aurora was still active for the two of them. Of course, I understood Phil. After all, the two had broken into his cellar. Nevertheless, it would be very unfortunate if the two of them couldn't accompany us. After all, I had really grown fond of the two of them.

Thomas had his heart in the right place. I realised that immediately. In contrast to the others, I never suspected him. It hadn't taken me long to realise how much he loved Hannah. Under no circumstances could he have laid a finger on her. His actions and decisions, no matter how questionable they may have seemed at first, turned out to be understandable. Whatever the cost, he wanted to take his love back into his arms. I was simply a collateral loss he was willing to pay by asking me to go to Michael Hanson. I couldn't be angry with him about it. My life in exchange for two.

This was a fair price.

Saving Richy and Hannah was my main priority, too. Her message with my contact ID was what had brought me into the whole story in first place. I still didn't know her exact reasons. Probably I will get an answer to this unanswered question at least one day soon. That wasn't the only reason I was excited about finally meeting Hannah. I also wondered what kind of person she was.

Richy would be able to answer the questions I still had. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him or not. I only blamed him for Jake's disappearance. If it hadn't been for that circumstance, I would probably even forgive him for the whole man-without-a-face thing. I didn't give a damn about what the others would say anyway. Richy and I had always connected well. This one thing, this single mistake, had gone so bloody wrong. In spite of his ambition to do the right thing.

I had no idea visiting him would soon be unavoidable....

 After all, I had forgiven Lilly too. Even if she had done awful to me. I had always understood her motives. In the meantime, we had grown to be really good friends. So, to give her the chance to erase her mistake definitely paid off.

The upcoming events will deepen our friendship even more.

Cleo had been right, after all. Under different circumstances, if Lilly and I had met, without these teething troubles, we would have hit it off right away. I would also meet Cleo in person pretty soon. In the last three days, her cooking and baking skills were touted to me by Jessy. Something my stomach was looking forward to, and so was I.

There was one thing Jessy had already prepared me for. Dan was still in a wheelchair. He still reassured her and the others all along that this was just a short-lived condition. Lately, he seemed to be reacting more and more irritably to any questions concerning this subject. At least it was Jessy's impression and it was something I could imagine very well. Hard shell, soft core - a description that fits best. Of course, he didn't like to talk about the possibility, or rather the fact, of being tied to this medical device for the rest of his life. He definitely didn't want his friends to be worried about him. Acting the strong one. A fact that made me never expect the wheelchair to be short-lived.

Poor Dan!

Although he wasn't completely innocent of this misery. You shouldn't drive a car with several whiskeys, no matter how good and expensive it was. He wasn't going to listen to me anyway. It didn't matter how hard I tried to convince him not to drive.

Even the gloomy rainy weather didn't take away my anticipation. Finally meeting them all.

Jessy's carefree spirit had really rubbed off on me.

Jessica Hawkins - the best antidepressant on earth.

I never took SSRIs or similar pills in my life. But I was sure none of them worked as quickly as Jessy. Somewhere deep inside I knew that I was simply suppressing my negative thoughts and problems. That's where Dan and I were of the same mind. Never show weakness in front of your loved ones.

Something which would return to me as a boomerang....

As I had actually predicted for Jessy and the others.

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere

Of course, Journey was also on her playlist. I kept on watching the raindrops on the glass of the window.

The weather felt so damn wrong to me.

After all, I didn't know that the current weather situation would perfectly reflect my little journey.

Gloomy, as the dark black clouds in the sky....

Dull, as the rain that just wouldn't end....

Hopeless, as the sun, which didn't succeed in breaking through the cloudy sky with a single ray. No chance of getting the light I needed and the warmth I longed for in my life.

Even the thunder announced to me that my life would once again and forever be derailed by a deafening boom.

I didn't even notice these signs of disaster.

Anyway...

I couldn't know at the moment that as soon as I was on my way home, I wouldn't be alone again. Except that it wouldn't be Jessy who accompanied me.

How could I know the cruelty with which my fate was going to torment me...

Had this knowledge been available, I wouldn't have ever got on that train.

Not even for the beautiful moments....

Confused, I turned to Jessy as I didn't hear any music. I was so engrossed in trying to find out if the song was performed by the Backstreet Boys.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I thought I'd get something to eat. Do you want some?"

"Maybe later," I replied, watching Jessy rummage in her backpack for a sandwich. As she leaned back in her seat, she handed me the headphones she had ripped out of my ear a few seconds ago.

You're never not on my mind, oh my, oh my

I'm never not by your side, your side, your side

I'm never gon' let you cry, oh cry, don't cry

I'll never not be your ride or die, alright

I was about to turn my gaze out of the window again.

"The others are looking forward to seeing you too," a happily munching Jessy called for my attention.

She pointed to her mobile phone with a finger and indicated I needed to read the group chat. As a courtesy, I pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket.

39 unread messages.

All of them from the group chat. I didn't hear my annoyed groan. But I did notice Jessy's raised eyebrow. I leaned towards her.

"Selfie!", I prompted her, grinning into my phone camera. After snapping the photo, I quickly texted, "On my way, everyone. Happy to meet you!"

Afterwards, I wanted to put the phone back in my pocket immediately. But I was unable to avoid reading Dan's quick reply.

"Sexy"

A slight smile conjured itself on my lips. Dan was being so typical Dan again. I turned my gaze back to the window. But my attention didn't stay on the rain for long. I wasn't sure why, but I squinted over at Jessy. Somehow my gaze lingered on her conversation with Dan. I probably lost all my scruples to respect the privacy of a chat. In the process of the investigation, it had been necessary to read all the chat conversations between my friends.

In their unawareness...

They would probably not be my friends if they had known. Even though it wasn't really my fault. If they wanted to be mad about it, they should be mad at the person I didn't want to think about...

Jake…

Damn, he had sneaked into my thoughts again....

I quickly concentrated on what I was actually doing.

"Hey honey, everthing fine?", Dan had texted.

What kind of question was that?!

Of course everything was fine!

How could it be otherwise?!

We were on the train...

In less than three hours we would arrive at the station.

We would finally be able to meet in person.

Maybe I would finally meet Jake too....

Damn, why was I suddenly so optimistic again? There was a reason why I had decided to stop thinking about him....

Irreparably, my heart would break as soon as reality crushed my hopes.

That's why I made the rule of thumb: Hopeless equals happy.

 "I dunno," Jessy had typed.

What was that supposed to mean?!

Hadn't we had the fun of our lives in the last three days?!!!

I was happy all the time!

How could she not notice that? !!!!

"She's been soooo calm since we' ve been on the train!", she had added the emoji with the downturned mouth to her message.

Excuse me!!!

What was that all about?!

Just because I was 10 minutes without talking, shouldn't everything be all right?!

My fingertips pressed convulsively into the palm of my hand.

I was happy!

Fucking hell!

Had she been stupid or what?!

I was on my way to a holiday with probably the best friends in the world.

How could I feel anything but happy?

Snorting angrily, I turned my gaze out the window. I felt Jessy's worried gaze on the back of my neck. In retrospect, I probably should have paid more attention to my friends' worries.

But who knows if it might not all end up differently...?

Now, for once, I had no clairvoyant abilities. Even if I did, I would have dismissed it as intuition. I didn't believe in charlatans like fortune tellers and their female counterparts. I even doubted Ladylotu's entirely accurate predictions. I convinced myself that what she had written in the Darkness Forum was purely coincidental. Of course, also because such statements as something terrible was happening or something that was unspoken were very general.

I didn't know exactly why, but my thoughts drifted to the video call with Richy. He, had made me believe that he had been killed by the man without a face. I hadn't cried back then. All the time, this strange feeling had accompanied me. My intuition, my gut feeling or my common sense had been screaming at me something was wrong. Somehow I had always known it: The face behind the mask. So much had suggested it.

Richy had been the first to suspect Phil. And he had known ahead of time Jessy would be out on her own, talking to me on the phone. Then she was attacked as a warning to me. It had been so suspicious that the sign of the raven didn't bother him. Although this idea hadn't occurred to me until Jessy had said Richy would never be going with them to the cabin in the woods.

He had to leave his parents behind. A fact I had missed all along. Everyone in the marked house was to be taken during the first night of the new moon.

Somehow I always had the feeling that the group of my friends were the only ones in danger.

And somehow it had also been like that...

Richy wouldn't have involved an outsider in this affair. No single outsider except me. Although I should probably thank Hannah for that.

It was super-duper fun, all the anxiety, the sleepless nights, the threats. I couldn't imagine anything better. Especially because everyone had relied on me and thus had the feeling of having to give my life for a stranger.

So thanks, Hannah!

Above all, my intuition told me that I had really only been drawn into the whole thing accidentally. Perhaps it was also simply my common sense. After all, she was a stranger to me. I hadn't even heard of the small town of Duskwood until Thomas' message. I didn't have much investigative knowledge or any contacts in that line of work.

Well, except maybe an affinity for true crime. But that didn't make me special either.

Which woman didn't show an interest in this topic?

Besides, all the Youtubers and podcasters were much more interested in this field.

Jake could say I was the key as many times as he wanted.

Yeah. Key, up the ass.

Nobody needed me.

As time went on, I was increasingly certain...

Mr. Super-Smart Hacker must have been mistaken for once. I had never been the key.

An ordinary human being...

A nobody...

I didn't have any special abilities.

Of course I would have liked to be Jake's key. Well, somehow I had already been the key to his closed heart...

I was biting my lower lip angrily. Once again I had allowed Jake to sneak into my thoughts like this....

Actually, worse than that...

Once again I had allowed that little glimmer of hope to sprout inside me....

What was I thinking about?

Oh right, Richy.

I guess I could rely on my gut feeling. After all, it had been Richy all along.

Thank you gut for raising the alarm when he texted Jessy telling her he had to mention something about me. At a time when he had barely exchanged a word with me.

I don't know exactly whether it was my heart or my brain that had protested loudly. There wouldn't be a motive. Actually, it didn't matter which of the two had screwed up.

Probably both of them.

In that case, it must have been a majority decision.

Gut outvoted.

Not followed up on suspicions.

Well, there was one thing that gut, heart and brain had collectively screwed up.

Annoyed with myself, I groaned and heard Jessy busily typing on her smartphone.

However, I didn't risk a glance. I simply didn't care about whatever nastiness she was spreading around about me.

I was facing a bigger problem. Jake had come back into my mind and wouldn't go away.

Once Pandora's box was opened...

Okay, it had probably just been closed in the first place.

I didn't have the strength to fight against it any more.

Only thing I managed to do was to smother that little glimmer of hope myself.

Again, before I let myself indulge in unrealistic dreams.

Jake would be standing in front of me in Duskwood, just like that, at some point.

I preferred to indulge in a much more realistic scenario.

What if a body was found in the burnt iron mine? The dead body of a hacker whose enemies were the FBI...

This institution in particular would have been interested in keeping this matter under wraps.

And above all: They also had the resources.

Officially no corpse, unofficially the problem had resolved itself.

No one would ask uncomfortable questions. It was a happy coincidence that Jake had been the victim of someone else's suicide attempt. They saved the money of prosecuting him and probably more importantly, the public scorn. Regardless of the matter he was involved in. I had heard from Alan it must be something serious. Although I had already thought so. The funniest thing about it was that I didn't care.

No matter.

My heart, my brain and my gut, those three miserable traitors of organs, had decided I should trust this mysterious and creepy hacker. It wasn't like he had ever abused that benefit of this doubt.

On the contrary...

Well, he was as interested in me as I was in him.

That' s what I got out of it.

A pain that ripped me apart from the inside.

But how could I ever get over this loss?

My phone buzzed thrice in my pocket.

Did Jake finally answer?

My heart jumped to cloud nine. I quickly pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket to check whether my intuition was right. I had praised my gut feeling regarding the man without a face. Just to be disappointed by this. I really should wave my organ donor card around. As a little threat, so they would make an effort to avoid further missteps.

I had been so foolish as to even begin to think that my happy ending would come. After so many years on this Planet, I still hadn't realised that unconditional happiness just wasn't meant for me.

"Hey babe", only one person ever nicknamed me such a primitive name.

I opened Dan's chat.

" Is everything alright with you"

 „?“

I stared blankly at the display of my mobile phone. A few, several seconds later, I pulled myself together to type a reply.

"Everything's fine" with one emoji grinning broadly.

I sharply inhaled through my nose as Dan started typing not a millisecond after receiving my message. He couldn't possible read my message that quickly.

His answer confirmed my suspicions: "Jessy said you were so quiet".

" I am just tired!", for no reason, my message felt like a lie to myself. Actually, after all, an empty phrase to block off a conversation. Besides, I was really tired. Since the showdown in the mines, I was haunted by nightmares every night.

Well, maybe it had been going on for a while...

The fact was, I hadn't slept through the night for the last few weeks. Even in the last three days, since Jessy came back into my life.

Lost in my thoughts, just now I noticed Dan had already replied-.

"It's because of Hackerboy, isn't it?"

The same anger that I had just sensed while reading along unobtrusively rose in me. Blind with anger, I deliberately typed in capslock.

"HIS NAME IS JAKE!!!"

 „J“
„A“
„K“
„E“

"FINALLY REMEMBER!!!!!"

There was so much more I wanted to add....

I felt liberated. Just to unload all that anger inside me that way. But the three teary-eyed laughing emoji from him stopped me. For a brief moment I stared at my display. I didn't need to think much about an answer. After all, it showed me that Dan was still typing and deleting his messages occasionally.

Until I received the following:

"Cheer up honey!"

"Your boyfriend might show up again."

"If not all mothers have handsome sons..."

I rolled my eyes. Probably Dan was just trying to cheer me up. In fact, I was aware of that. But instead, somehow it created a new, unknown fear in me. Jake used only an anonymous mask as his profile picture for his personal protection, so I didn't know his look. This was precisely what made my love so special.

Blinded by outward appearances...

 No one could ever take Jake's place. I realised myself that it sounded cheesy...

Jake was my soulmate!

Irreplaceable, then…

If there was never an us between me and him, I would spend my life alone forever. Unfortunately, until Jake came into my life, I had never been bothered by this circumstance. Similar to him, I was used to loneliness in my life. I guess our one difference is that I still had a few friends, so I wasn't completely on my own.

" Don't tell me that Hackerboy is the one and only."

" Or some such bullshit!"

Was Dan's response to my endless typing and deleting the message. Hopeful that I could get out of this conversation quickly, also to save me having to think about a response, I sent the eye-rolling emoji.

But my hope he would be annoyed and leave the chat was destroyed as Dan typed the message.

" Sweetie!"

"I'm serious"

"It only exists in trashy romance stories!"

" I know it hurts "

" I won't try to deny you that! "

" But you gotta look ahead "

"Okay?"

"I dunno why you like him anyway"

Dan was right, I knew. However, I didn't want to, or rather couldn't, accept it. Hollywood, obviously, provided us with a glorified perspective on love. If Jake hadn't stepped into my life in this manner, I think I would agree with Dan. I was never the type of woman who believed in the one and only true love. I often smiled at my friends saying that the right one would come along.

Then Jake appeared...

All of a sudden, everything was so fluffy. A kidnapping case that I was involved in solving.

For whatever reason...

My intuition was literally yelling at me and telling me that it was all just a coincidence. My heart hoped that this coincidence was connected to Jake. A sign of fate that had brought us together. He had made everything so much easier to bear. The threat calls, the fears of losing my friends, the sense of helplessness, as sometimes I could do nothing but watch.

 „:)“

A single Smiley was enough for me to feel all right again. How childish, for such a thing as that I was on cloud nine. Not to mention my emotional high as our conversations went more and more in the direction of our affection for each other. It was beyond words.

Everything culminated in his declaration of love.

As high up as I was, however, the impact into reality merely increased. I almost texted Dan that I wasn't quite ready to close the chapter on Jake. Especially because the bookmark of uncertainty was holding me back from closing it. Then I saw he had written something else.

"Babe, my offer still stands."

"You."

"Me."

"And a nice horror film."

A feeling of oppression spread through my chest. Dan had asked me before. He seemed to have a sense for inappropriate times.

Then and now...

Apart from the fact that I believed he liked Jessy this way.

It hadn't been that long since he'd knocked himself off with countless whiskeys. All because she'd dumped him. The consequences, his place of honour in a wheelchair, were probably something he would have to live with permanently.

I wonder if this was the reason why Dan was now focused on me?

As a replacement for Jessy?

At least the first time he was really interested about me and my role was when he was transferred to Black Swan.

Or Dan's prey pattern consisted of women who had already given their hearts away....

Anyway, I didn't get why his hopes were up. As obvious as the feelings were between Richy and Jessy.

Perhaps as obvious as the feelings between me and Jake.

So many people had noticed: Lilly, Jessy, the FBI. And even Dan knew that I had refused his invitation because of Jake.

I was so sick of it, the broken record in my head.

Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake…

A thousand times more Jake...

Each time, this unbearable sting. I realised the futility of fighting it.

But I couldn't give up.

For me!

 I pulled Jessy's headphones out of my ear. I wasn't really listening to the music any more anyway.

"Too soon?", Dan had added to his last message. I smiled, not noticing Jessy's worried look.

" Nah. It's fine."

"But I'll pick the movie!"

"And better not cry like a baby!", I accepted his invitation. Nothing was wrong with spending a movie night as friends. But it wouldn't be more than that. Dan was like a sarcastic brother to me. Or rather, the kind of brother I would have loved to have had.

„Jow“

"After all, I'm more afraid of you than any legend"

In order to give his messages the emphasis needed, he added the winking emoji.

"You can count on that," I replied with the sunglasses emoji.

I opened the group chat to read the ignored messages. A smirk appeared on my lips and I felt Jessy's relief on the back of my neck. The pictures from Cleo and the corresponding texts told me that she was baking a welcome-to-Duskwood cake. Likewise, there were pictures of the packed travel bags of the others in the group chat. Thomas had even taken a photo of his guitar and commented with "Of course, it can't be missing either". Dan couldn't help himself and replied: "Tommyboy, you've got to learn to fall asleep without the bedtime melody.

The smile on my face widened. All of them didn't hold back about how much they were looking forward to seeing me. Not to mention their regret that Phil had the honour of picking me and Jessy up from the station. The decision was made by his little sister. She had already told me yesterday evening. For one, Phil probably owed it to her and was most fair to the others. My popularity seemed endless. To be honest, I enjoyed my bit of celebrity status.

Even though I wasn't sure I really wanted to meet Phil. Perhaps, however, it was just this way that was best. Jake couldn't blame me. After all, it wasn't up to me. Although blame is the wrong word, too. Jake hadn't hidden the fact that he didn't like Phil. And I knew it was based on his jealousy. Just as I had triggered it by accepting the invitation to the Aurora in the first place. Back then, he hadn't been around at the time he had to go into hiding. At that time, none of us really had the courage to talk about this beautiful feeling. It was especially hard for Jake to admit it to himself. He didn't want me to share the consequences of his actions. No wonder, then, that he feared I would move on elsewhere. Falling for Phil's flirtations, since I was no longer interested in him.

I sighed.

A good point was that Jake couldn't actually read that I already thought Phil was attractive. But that didn't count as anything anymore. My heart belonged to him forever....

Although we would never have the pleasure of physical togetherness.

More importantly, I finally had to get myself together.

Permanently.

For Jessy and the others.

I continued to stare at the open group chat. The mood, full of anticipation, had quickly turned when I didn't answer. I had so much on my mind that I could have written. Instead, I couldn't summon up the strength.

I couldn't even muster the courage for a sincere and necessary apology.

I was a lousy friend...

The last thing I could do was lie to myself.

Keep telling myself that Jake's disappearance wouldn't bother me.

Not for myself, but for them.

So that I could finally be the person they deserved.

They were supposed to be happy and carefree.

After everything that happened...

I turned to Jessy with a smile. "I'm starting to feel hungry too."

"[MC]," she said, startled, and I looked at her in the same way.

"You have to finish every sentence with moo, moo".

I giggled: "So the cows finally achieved world domination, moo"

She nodded to confirm.

" Well, I've always told you, moo," I grinned broadly.

"All power to the cows, moo," Jessy confirmed.

" Yeah, all power to the cows!"

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: The Arrival

I pulled my ponderous suitcase out of the train. When I was packing, I was happy I didn't get stuck with the 20-kilo limit for a flight. Actually, I wasn't the type of woman who had much trouble with packing. Usually, I even managed to stay far under the said limit. So I was occasionally able to help out my friends. It had become so established that a wide-grinning emoji was all I needed to know. The organisational talent I was, I always responded immediately with my free capacity.

But this time, a different thought pushed me while I was packing.

Jake…

This silly fantasy of him waiting for me in Duskwood. He would take me into his world. And start our life of escape.

It would be us against the world! Like Bonney and Clyde...

For this scenario I had to take all my favourite clothes with me. And for other scenarios, I also needed special underwear.

I made a fool of myself as I stood in front of my wardrobe wondering which colour Jake would prefer. But it didn't stop me from packing my entire collection of lace underwear.

So really stupid...

Just the very unlikely case of Jake showing up out of the blue. It wouldn't mean that he was willing to be involved with me.

Emotionally as well as physically...

I was ready!

For so long...

He, on the other hand, had been fighting his feelings for so long. Of course, there was fear on my part, his fears had taken over.

It hurts...

But I hoped for his well-being. No matter how much that thought tore me apart from the inside. I wanted him to be safe and free.

What was love doing to me?

As selflessly as I would give my life for his. Everything for his happiness. Even if it might mean I wouldn't be a part of it. But this didn't necessarily mean I couldn't indulge in any fantasies. On the other hand, I couldn't because Jessy was watching me almost 24/7.

I don't know whether I should be grateful to her for this or not.

"Let me help you," said a familiar male voice behind me. Well, as familiar as a voice could be after one phone call. A call from prison by the way.

A disturbing call...

Jake and I had taken our conversation in a more intimate direction at that point. Well, what intimacy meant to us. I had managed to get over my imagination how it would be to finally meet him. I had even dared to say that I hoped for a kiss. All my words directed at him based on his courage to ask me out to dinner.

Someday...

Chinese...

Absolutely a cuisine which I strongly preferred. Or at least the western kind of Chinese cuisine. Jake was so damn sweet. He was trying to avoid inviting me to a restaurant whose food I didn't like.

How thoughtful...

Especially since I really would have travelled everywhere with him. Even somewhere deep in the woods of Duskwood. The important point is that I would have been able to meet him.

But I never would!

So I needed to concentrate on the present...

Instead of doing something stupid...

Phil was standing right behind me. Without really taking my personal space into consideration. His hand touched mine. A pleasant shiver went through my body.

This really couldn't be the case!

Did I really desire male touch so much that I settled for my boyfriend's adversary?

This damned heart needed to stop beating so fast.

Is that why I didn't dare turn around?

Because I knew perfectly well that Phil was attractive?

Or didn't I want to be deprived of the illusion of his profile picture?

Was I seriously afraid Jake would burst with jealousy if I did?

So what if he did!

Merely in the hypothetical case he really got cold feet. And he didn't even have the courage to communicate it openly.

So if he had really dumped me...

He really had forfeited all right to jealousy!

And especially for such a trifle!

I finally managed to turn around to Phil.

It wasn't that difficult to lie to myself...

He was about the same height as me. Maybe just an inch taller. His stature was lanky and slender. My gaze met his bright green eyes. So trustful. The bat tattoo on his neck looked even more wicked in the flesh. The pictures in his profile definitely hadn't given the false impression. Rather, they downplayed his attractiveness.

"Thank you..." I stammered nervously. It was discreetly embarrassing to look at Jessy's older brother with my gaze like that. Especially in her presence. Quickly and slightly panicked, I turned my gaze back to my overstuffed suitcase.

"Are you planning to stay in Duskwood for a while?" he joked as he helped me lift the heavy piece of luggage off the train. 

"I...", I started and a soft shade of pink appeared on my cheeks. It was unfair tattoos made a man's attractiveness level so incredibly high. And Phil just had lots of them.

"That's exactly what I asked her," Jessy giggled. The light pink colour on my cheeks turned a bright tomato red. "But I think she has other plans."

I wanted to sink into the floor. And for some reason, I was sure her comment was based on the collection, my lingerie for special occasions.

"Well.", was the new beginning of an attempt to explain. "It's not like I knew what to expect. Weather and stuff.", I said after an awkward moment of silence.

" Yeah, the weather," Jessy giggled, her emphasis suggesting no other conclusion. So hypothetically, she would be found dead, with strangulation marks. In that case, the likelihood would be relatively good that I wasn't entirely uninvolved in this circumstance.

As much as I would have liked to wring her neck at that moment!

After all, I already had to justify myself all the time. Every time I indulged in my daydreams. And then knowing other people around me were realising how crazy I really was. Well, for my theoretical murder of Jessy, there would be too many witnesses anyway. I didn't need to hope for a hole in the ground to hide in either. They usually never opened up when you needed them. Okay, actually they never did. Escaping into the train was no longer possible. The doors were already closed. Jumping between the platform and the train just before departure could end up being unnecessarily painful.

So I had to endure the embarrassing situation and, at best, cover it up.

"I wouldn't need to understand, would I?" Phil had turned to his younger half-sister. "Jessy is crazy," I replied in an attempt to make Jessy's statement appear meaningless. Moreover, I glared wickedly at her.

"Just as beautiful as intelligent. You got my beloved sister's mental status right at once." I was unsure if Phil was actually flirting with me or just teasing his sister. My heart had quickened its beat for at least a few seconds. But maybe it was also because I felt like I was being observed. An absurdity which wasn't just due to the fact that the likelihood of Jake looking over at me at that exact moment was below nothing. But also because the station was about 1.5 hours away from Duskwood. I mean, in case Jake was eagerly waiting for me in Duskwood, which was already unlikely...

Then why would he be at Coleville Central Station?

Except if he' d hacked the location of my mobile phone.

Stop! He wouldn't even have to. Apart from that, he wouldn't be able to get here so quickly then.

He was still in the group chat. He didn't even have to be the gifted hacker he was. Even someone like Thomas could manage to read messages.

Automatically I looked around. To be disappointed just the next moment. Not one of the other people at the station seemed to be interested in me. Nor did any of them fit his profile. No man with black hair or even a black hoodie.

Oh, what was I thinking.

"[MC]," Jessy pulled me back into the present. "Did something happen?"

"No.", I dismissed. Well, she offered me an uncertain smile. Phil had taken a few steps forward with my suitcase. Jessy took the opportunity to lean over to me.

"You thought he might be here," she whispered in my ear. Especially careful Phil couldn't hear her.

I deliberately ignored the concern in her voice.

In order to regulate my emotions, I made a fist with my left hand. I couldn't lose my temper right now. Certainly not in public and not in front of Phil. However, I didn't care about the fact that all my anger was directed at Jessy again.

"Bullshit!", I snapped at her. In such an aggressive and loud tone that it wasn't just Phil who turned to me, startled. My right hand clenched into a fist as well. I stamped by so quickly that I passed Phil with just a few steps. This one stopped abruptly.

"What is wrong with [MC]," he asked, addressing his youngest sister in confusion.

"She's having a hard time at the moment," Jessy sighed.

" And you don't?" Phil inquired sceptically. Of course he was right. Things were anything but easy for Jessy, too. Because of the whole Richy-is-the-man-without-a-face thing, she had lost not just her best friend, but also her job on top of it.

I was aware of it. Deep down inside, I was aware. She actually needed me as much as I needed her....

But I just saw my own problems. That's why I hadn't even listened to the two of them. I thought I had been caught out by Jessy. Yet I already felt foolish in my own thoughts. So my emotional thinking was telling me she thought I was just as stupid.

That I was not particularly intelligent was confirmed when I stood in the car park. I had no idea which car belonged to Phil. I was standing there as if I had been ordered and hadn't been picked up. I guess I should have thought about that when I left in a huff.

So I had no choice but to wait.

Even though it was only two minutes at the most, it seemed like an unbearable eternity. Especially since my stupid hope that Jake would be here was still not fully pursued. I bit my lower lip to suppress my desire to look around.

He wasn't here!

Why didn't I want to understand this?

I wanted to scream. It was exactly what I wanted to protect myself from. That was why I had resolved not to hope. Not to have to feel this unbearable pain in my chest all the time. My teeth dug deeper into my lower lip. I fought the tears, but I couldn't start crying. Not in front of all the strangers around me.

I just want to go back home. I just wanted to crawl back into my bed.

Preferably for good.

And all because of a man I had met on the internet. My true-crime affinity told me that these were the dangerous kind of men. How many women have fallen for scammers and murderers. My heart told me Jake was the diamond among all the glass stones. The irony wasn't that women who fell victim probably thought the exact same thing. No, the irony was that knowing Jake was a wanted criminal...

Who was wanted by the fucking FBI!

His crime was no trifle. He must have done something serious. Although he claimed to be one of the good guys. But so would a serial killer, I suppose. So it was a thorn in my side every time men on dating platforms claimed they were the good guys. I hated it so much that I lost all interest in them.

With Jake, though...

I immediately believed him.

Still do...

I fell in love with a criminal.

So madly in love...

I dug my mobile phone out of my pocket. There was something I had to check. Finally, I could look ahead.

I opened the group chat.

My gaze caught on my last message. It had only one hook. A lump formed in my throat. I had to check it out. My fear had been confirmed. It hadn't been delivered to Jake. I scrolled to another older message. Exactly the same as the other message.

Read by everyone except Jake.

He was really gone.

Death, trapped or cold feet....

He wouldn't show up here. He didn't even know I was on my way to Duskwood. I opened the group chat menu.

I took one deep breath.

"Are you sure you want to remove Jake from the group?"

"Yes"

"No."

Hesitantly, I moved my forefinger to the "Yes" button.

Should I really?

Somehow it was harder than I had imagined....

I wanted to finally look ahead. To leave the past behind me. At least take this small step. If I couldn't even manage to remove him from the group. Which he didn't really want to be in. He had never seen himself as part of the group. Therefore, it shouldn't be difficult for me.

If I couldn't even do that, how could I delete our chat?

"[MC], are you coming?", Phil called over to me. Just at that moment, my finger touched the display. All because I had been so startled. Overwhelmed with my emotions, not knowing whether to be angry or grateful, I stood there, befuddled.

"Um yeah.", I said in a dejected voice, walking over to the van labelled "Aurora."

Okay, I might have guessed that this van belonged to Phil.

Phil opened the passenger door for me.

"Get in, pretty girl," okay, it really was flirting. It would really only have been dismissed as politeness if he hadn't still winked at me.

"Thank you.", I giggled sheepishly and noticed myself turning slightly red around the nose.

I climbed into the passenger seat and fastened my seat belt. I had put my mobile phone on the dashboard. Jessy and my suitcase were in the back of the van. " Let's go to Duskwood," Jessy squealed gleefully as Phil took the driver's seat.

"Yes, let's go to Duskwood," I confirmed with considerably less euphoria. Which caught a sympathetic look from Phil. Jessy had probably also given me this regarding her expression. The idea alone made me feel uneasy.

"[MC], your phone.", Phil pointed out to me that my device was still resting on the dashboard. It might fall off at the next sharp brake or bend.

Nobody needed a broken phone these days.

I took my smartphone at the moment Phil started the engine. It was finally about to start. The nervousness flooded through my body. Anxious to see what would await me for the next two weeks. And whether I would manage to forget the love of my life in the strange place of attachment.

Unlocking the screen automatically, I said.

"You removed Jake from the group???!" These words stabbed me in the heart.

I had actually done it for real....

Jake was no longer a part of the group conversation. On the bright side, if he were to read the messages in the near future after all, no second hook would tell me of this fact. No more hope would settle in me. The next step was to delete our chat. Actually, I should block his number altogether. I lied to myself saying that Jake would find a way to unblock it.

My hacker would already find a way to get in touch with me if it wanted to.

Jake as a scapegoat was the easiest solution. Much easier than admitting to myself I was still too far away from willing to let him go. Hope was just too high that he would finally contact me after almost two months.

I just didn't want to miss the chance to do so....

Fully motivated, I opened our conversation. Only to get the next stab in the heart.

"[MC]",

"I love you"

My eyes were glued to his last message.

Damn it had been two months....

Okay, almost two months...

Back then I was still experiencing an emotional high, now there was only pain....

An unbearable pain...

My whole body flooded with these three magic words. Abruptly, I realised that I was not ready. I couldn't let go of him yet.

And I hated myself for it...

This phantom, this fantasy, mourning after him like this. Frustrated with myself, I was about to plug my phone back in when it vibrated again.

"?"

I opened the chat with Lilly. She must have seen that I was trying to ignore her last message. Defiantly, I sent her just one question mark as well.

"Why did you remove Jake on the group?" she replied with the raised eyebrow emoji, as well as the angry snort one.

"Because he's gone!", I refrained from any emoji in turn.

"You can't know that"

"He'll be back"

"I'm sure he will"

So his younger half-sister still had hope.

How foolish...

She probably didn't want to admit to herself that if his pursuers got him, she was partly to blame. In retrospect, the #IamJake campaign hadn't helped at all. Lilly and her video had given the FBI the clue they needed in the first place.

"Lilly, face it! Jake is gone!"

"He's not coming back," even typing those words into my phone ripped my heart out of my chest. I didn't want to argue with her. It wouldn't do any good anyway, except to get my hopes up even more.

"He'll be back"

"I'm sure he will"

"He would never do that to you"

"He loves you"

I felt my phone vibrate four times after I put it in my pockets. But I stayed strong and disregarded Lilly's messages.

Instead, I observe the surroundings. We were still in Coleville. Jessy had told me that this was the easiest way. From the main station in Coleville we still had a slow train to take us. She said it would have taken us a little over three hours to get there. Then we had to take the bus.

Duskwood was really a backwater...

We were standing at a red light as Phil took the opportunity to turn to me. "Your appointment at the police station is tomorrow at eight," he finally said.

"So early," Jessy squawked agonisedly from the back row.

"Our precious Mr Bloomgate was actually going to make the appointment at 6 o'clock. Just to spite [MC].", one could tell from his voice that he didn't exactly claim the presidency of Alan Bloomgate's fan club. But who could blame him. It would be the same for anyone who went to prison innocently. Judging by Phil's reluctance, Dan probably still hadn't come clean.

The cowardly bastard!

It was his false accusations that got Phil targeted in the first place.

"But I managed to convince him that it was a bit too early after all," Phil boasted proudly.

"Thanks. I guess," I mumbled meekly. I had long since repressed my overdue statement.

"You couldn't have negotiated later?" pouted Jessy.

"Sorry, but for the sake of the occasion, I just want to talk to them the bare minimum," Phil replied defiantly.

"It's all right. The sooner I get it over with," I said with a feigned smile. Because of the long car ride, I had little desire to get into a sibling fight.

"Thanks in any case for sticking up for me," my gratitude was genuine. Even if I hadn't already forgotten, I probably would have put it off.

That was probably the reason for my sudden forgetfulness....

"I'll take you there tomorrow," Phil said in a way that even I could interpret as flirting.

" My sister can sleep longer then," he added teasingly.

"That's really not necessary," I retorted sheepishly.

" For you it is, [MC]," there he was again his flirtatious tone.

Overwhelmed with the situation, I looked around the car for the perfect distraction. Then I caught sight of the USB stick on the car radio. I knew it from my car.

"Can we listen to music?", I asked.

There it was, the perfect distraction.

Music, any music, could prevent unnecessary conversation.

That's why I hadn't even waited for an answer and turned on the music.

I widened my eyes. I recognised the guitar riff immediately.

"That's not noise.", I countered Jessy's comment that her brother only listens to noisy music. "That's My Chemical Romance."

"You know MCR?" asked Phil, puzzled.

"Of course! You could even say it's my favourite band," I grinned widely.

" She' s not just beautiful, she' s got a damn good taste in music too."

My cheeks glowed with embarrassment. But I didn't reply to his attempt at flirtation, instead hitting the reverse button. I wanted to enjoy the song all over again, without any distracting conversation.

To Jessy's chagrin, I had also turned up the volume.

And probably to the chagrin of all the occupants, all except me of course, I sang along loudly.

A feeling of freedom flooded my body as I bawled along to the lyrics of "I'm not okay, (I promise)".

It was the easiest way in the world and especially to shout to myself that I was anything but okay. That none of my wounds had healed. Especially the emptiness Jake had left in my life.

Ironically, just singing out loud, like playing the air drum, felt so good.

At that moment, I felt more than just okay.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Breakfast

It was shortly after 5 o'clock in the morning. My sleep seemed to have ended about two hours ago. I found myself in Jessy's kitchen, in the dark. One nightmare had robbed me of my sleep again, but I didn't have to rob hers. Already I had made this mistake.

Well, here I was. The phone in my hand, scrolling through the chat with Jake. Teardrops rolled down my cheek. What might never be was so much worse than my nightmare.

Actually, I couldn't even explain to myself the reason for my own torture. I should better prepare myself for my testimony.

After all, Phil advised me to do so.

I didn't know whether this was because of his bad experiences with the Duskwood police or because he knew I hadn't always taken the legal route in the course of my investigations. It seemed pretty obvious, though.

At least from my point of view...

 Jessy promised me that she didn't mention Jake's role or his existence in front of her brother.

Posh of her.

So, even though Jake has disappeared, probably died, keeping the circle of those who know him as small as possible wouldn't be a mistake. Just in case he was still out there. I would have been happy to join her and Lilly in their optimism.

"Why can' t you just take me in your arms." My own words made my throat close. His emotional support in the form of a physical hug I needed even more now than I did before. However, I knew I could not get one. Probably I would never get to. I felt so alone. Partly because I realised if I returned home, back to my normal life, I would be even lonelier.

No Jessy anymore, to fool around with, all night long.

No Phil, who promised to show up at 7am with breakfast.

Even if that fact was less relevant. In case I actually decided to move to Duskwood, I couldn't expect him to become my personal food supplier. Just because he had been so nice two times so far. Actually, I had taken too much advantage of his good nature by asking him not to get our dinner at the Chinese takeaway. The Italian restaurant was located far further away.

Fortunately, Jessy didn't know my sudden aversion for fried noodles resulted by Jake's unfulfilled invitation. Still, I wasn't sure if she had suspected or not. Her compassionate gaze was unmistakable as I asked if this takeaway would be across from Mrs. Walter's motel.

It was weird...

I felt his presence around me from as soon as I reached Duskwood. Though this circumstance compounded my suffering, it was the reason why I considered moving to this sleepy little town in the first place.

My subconscious knew that.

But my conscious mind lied to me.

For my own sake...

 This was a beautiful lie. At least happiness was back in my body.

Happiness without conditions...

Surrounded by everyone.

 I continued to scroll through our chat. Each word brought a new tear. Even our objective case analyses told me how much I missed him. Finally, I reached the end.

„[MC]“

"I love you."

Even before I read my reply, "I love you too, Jake.", I collapsed in despair.

The evidence was the flood of tears, my gasps for oxygen as well as my sadistically self-tormenting typing to prevent my display from dimming. All of this made me miss the alarm clock.

Two arms tentatively embraced me which made me realise Jessy was awake.

„[MC]“ she said my name fondly

I knew she knew Jake's last message now as well.

It was revealed to her.

One of his many secrets.

Even though this was probably the most obvious one. That I had never denied. Especially regarding my feelings.

Just the fact it really was like that...

This was our secret...

Jake and mine...

Jessy completely knows right now. In a strange way, it felt oppressive. Even though it wasn't his worst secret. Even I didn't know, didn't want to know.

His crime...

 But the information I knew was limited. A day four years ago had changed his life. That's why he couldn't trust anyone.

No one except me...

Once there must have been people who meant a lot to him. He had told me at one point bad news would be easier to take with a close person telling it.

I had guessed the connection to his crime. Obvious, since he said he had lost everything four years ago. I could hardly imagine anything worse.

I couldn't categorise my feelings about this. The sadness over his fate already tore my heart apart then. But the fact that I was the only person in his life who still meant anything to him made my heart leap for joy again. But then there was this one thought.

A strange thought...

I wondered if he had already declared his love to a woman before me. My jealousy was ridiculous, I knew that. There had also been other men in my life. A manageable number of three had I also told that I loved them. Or at least I had assumed it at the time.

I actually believed it...

Jake had shown me how wrong I was about this.

All my life I had had a false image of love. Probably the reason why the men had fled from me after 6 months at the latest.

I was never particularly sad.

The cliché of a makeover had done wonders every time. So I had tried many hair colours in my life. Blonde, brunette, black, even fire red one time. All hairstyles ranging from long to short. And every time, I had reinvented myself.

I didn't really believe in the one true love thing. The idea of being connected to another person by a red ribbon seemed so ridiculous.

Until mine was severed...

Jessy told me to take a shower. Warm water on my skin felt so good. Only the doorbell ringing once disturbed my little moment of peace for a moment. Before I could let my thoughts wander again.

I wondered what love felt like when you were really physically close to your soulmate.

How it felt to be allowed to be in his arms....

This was something I allowed myself to imagine. Just because I knew that my imagination could never get close to a non-existent reality. In some way, the feeling in my imagination always remained similar to a hug with Jessy.

It was ridiculous.

Of course I liked Jessy, there was absolutely nothing wrong with.

But Jake...

I felt so much more for him...

I stepped out of the shower and wiped the mirror with the palm of my hand. I took advantage of the small moment when the mirror was clear of the haze. The creature looking back at me looked terrible.

Pale...

Deep, dark circles around the eyes...

Almost like death in person...

 The sleepless night had taken its toll. I struggled through my wet, unruly hair with the brush. I beat my hands against my cheeks. But the desired colour didn't appear. Disappointed, I reached for the yellow towel and wrapped it around my body.

Immediately I reached for the door handle.

The bright light blinded me.

"A beautiful morning, my dear" Phil's voice greeted me as I was still trying to get my bearings.

"Morning," I replied in a faint voice. I glanced at the two hawkins siblings and the set breakfast table. My left hand clawed at the knot of my towel. The drops of water falling from my body sounded so abnormally loud. I felt as if the table where the two of them were sitting was moving further and further away.

My cheeks slowly began to blush until they were burning with shame!

It had taken my brain far too long to reach the conclusion that the doorbell announced Phil's appearance. Then it took me far too long to realise that I was standing half-naked in the room.

I open my mouth and breathed. "I..."

My right foot took a wobbly step back.

"Well, I got no problem if you join us looking like this," Phil winked at me.

His intention probably had been to loosen up the situation a little. The opposite showed in the unhealthy red colour of my face.

So the option of feigning self-confidence was also taken away. I gulped nervously and said, "I'll get dressed."

I could still hear Phil commenting on my words, " Pity." and Jessy's giggle.

I leaned back against the closed bedroom door. My wildly pounding heart in my chest prevented my rapid breathing from calming down.

I was half-naked in front of Phil!

Besides, I didn't understand why I had that strange feeling in my stomach.

Those weren't butterflies in my stomach, were they?

I mean, Phil was attractive.

Very attractive...

But Jake owned my heart!?

I sat down on my best friend's bed. Somehow, no matter which way, I needed to sort out my thoughts quickly. They were waiting for me. If I took too much time, Jessy would be here in a minute.

She meant it kindly. I knew that...

But I couldn't possibly discuss with her what was going through my mind at the moment.

I really couldn't!

  What if she wanted to set me up in her euphoria?

 My eyes desperately searched for my mobile phone. I needed the chat between me and Jake.

Our chat...

I needed his words...

I needed his jealousy....

I needed clear thoughts!

  Damn!

It still lay on the kitchen table.

I dropped onto the mattress. The decorative stars on her ceiling were a perfect distraction for my mind's carousel. I focused on my breath.

In...

Out...

In...

Out...

 "[MC], are you okay?", Jessy asked with concern as she timidly knocked on the door.

"Yeah...", I cringed over my tearful tone. The fingers of my left hand touched my cheek.

Actually, there were tears.

I hadn't noticed that I had started crying. I just didn't get time to explore the reason. The creaking of the door told me that Jessy entered the room. She sat down beside me on the bed.

"This is because of J-A-K-E? Isn't it?", I couldn't explain why she spelt out his name and didn't say it straight away. Probably she thought she could protect me in this way from my own distress. "Maybe...I don't know.", my hug was just as honest as my words. I really didn't understand why even more tears continued to flow from my eyes.

"Phil probably thinks I'm totally messed up," I smiled wryly. Already I had regained my composure a little. To say her emotional support didn't help me would be unfair. It would also be unfair to blame her for never talking about my grief. Jessy always made the first step to start a conversation. In addition, because of the sensitivity of the subject, she was careful not to rush me. I had been the person who had always blocked this. During the days with me, in the morning before my shower, like right now. Always it was me.

If only Jessy had insisted at least once....

"Certainly not!", she cheered me up. "Phil likes you."

With a meaningful giggle, she couldn't help herself. " He isn't usually so accommodating either," she told me. "I'm sure he wants to make a good impression to you."

I formed my lips in a polite smile. I actually should tell her that my heart still belonged to Jake.

And it would always belong to him...

But I remained silent.

No matter why...

"Phil's a nice guy, you know," the price I paid for my silence. " Besides, he already asked me curiously if you were single." This wasn't new information to me. After all, I could read the conversation between them at time. If I said I was only flattered, I would have been lying. My heart had been beating pretty hard and my cheeks had turned red. Even though I was alone in my flat at this moment.

An attractive guy like him was interested in me.

Jessy seemed to have misinterpreted the fact that I wasn't surprised. She grinned broadly at me. "He really asked me about that. I can share it with you."

I kept silent on that, too.

Jessy screwed up her face.

"Maybe you two could go on a date" she told me, and I could hear the difficulty she had in telling me this. Deep inside I could understand her ambition. I knew she wanted to help me get over Jake. Just the fact that she added, " Well, PhiI isn't as bad as his reputation. Besides, it might actually help you, I think."

At that moment, however, I could do nothing but misinterpret. Otherwise I would have had to admit to myself that I had tossed the idea around. "Stop trying to hook me up with your brother," I hissed, careful not to speak too loudly. I managed to control my anger enough to realise that Phil shouldn't have heard me. This time it was Jessy who remained silent.

"I'll get dressed now," I interrupted the silence in an unfriendly tone. She looked at me with a commiserating gaze and left the room without a word. I bit my lower lip to suppress a scream.

Ten minutes later I walked into the kitchen wearing jeans, a white blouse and a blue blazer. I tied my hair up in a tight chignon. Apart from a little mascara, I had completely dispensed with make-up. Without saying a word, I sat down at the table and reached for a bagel. Desperately, I plucked out a small piece and put it in my mouth.

"Nervous?" asked Phil in a protective tone. I was relieved that he misinterpreted my behaviour in this way. Probably also due to the fact that he didn't know the detail Jake.

" A little bit," I mumbled.

"You don't need to worry about it," Phil smiled kindly. " You know, it's just a testimony. Besides, if that jerk gives you shit, you insist on a lawyer." I smiled at him before returning my attention to my bagel.

An awkward silence filled the room. Not surprisingly, Phil broke the silence again.

"Will you join me at the Aurora tonight?" he asked. The sound of his voice was flirting with me again, I would have sworn. Uncertainly, I looked at Jessy.

"I don't know," I mumbled. Actually, I wanted to add that I didn't know what the others' plans were. After all, I had to follow their lead. But unfortunately I thought of this excuse much too late.

"For you, the drinks are free." My heart tripped because of the way he said, "For life, my saviour."

This strange picture started playing in my head, where we were alone here. He was much closer to me and kissed me passionately after he ended his sentence.

Bloody hell, why did Phil have to look so damn good...?

First of all, why did I have to be so captivated by his bad-boy charm, whose main trigger was definitely the many tattoos?

Why did Jessy have to get me all woozy with it in the first place?

I knew, of course, her comment hadn't influenced those thought processes at all. After all, I had been having such thoughts since yesterday.

Okay, not in such detail...

Still, it was easier to pass the buck to her.

Who wanted to deal with their inner world of feelings?

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: Poltergeists

Phil and I left Jessy's flat at about 7:30 on the dot. I had left my bagel and coffee almost untouched. My upcoming testimony was starting to get to me. Especially after I'd put Phil's hot tattooed body out of my mind.

I was in a relationship with Jake, somehow.

In any case, I tried to stay loyal to him.

Even if it meant a lifetime of abstinence.

Phil was also a damn hot distraction...

However, this morning's sibling banter between Jessy and Phil was not.

Anyway, they decided to visit the Aurora tonight. Phil even granted Cleo and Thomas to forgo their house ban this evening.

By my pleading.

I couldn't get rid of the newly imposed drinking ban for both of them. Or rather, I had given up trying after Jessy suggested we had drivers for tonight after all.

This was definitely an argument...

 Jessy had also been able to negotiate a free cocktail. After protesting loudly that, as a sister, she didn't even get a family discount. Somehow I wondered why she hadn't negotiated for this much earlier. Phil, after all, had a reputation as a successfully flirtatious bartender. As I had heard it, he often used his position behind the counter to serve a drink to beautiful young women. At least he lived up to his reputation as a womaniser in the way he opened the passenger door for me. Although this knowledge was available, I giggled like an abashed schoolgirl.

Completely to the delight of Phil...

He sat down in the driver's seat while I fastened my seat belt. Actually, I thought I'd take out my mobile phone to read Jake's last words again.

It was self-torturing, I was aware of that....

Considering the situation, however, my testimony was imminent, I had to remind myself once again. Especially when the police chief didn't look favourably on you.

I needed Jake...

Really badly!

Our chat was the only thing I had left though.

The only thing I would ever have....

 But I didn't get the chance. Phil put his hand on my thigh. I wasn't sure if this position was intended. After all, it was very close to my private zone. Jake would go crazy if he knew that. Especially if he saw Phil's hand gently stroking across the inside of my thigh.

"I've let my lawyer know," Phil began in a calm tone. I guess his touch wasn't an attempt at flirtation after all. I was probably just reading way too much into his behaviour. Just because I was looking for a reason for Jake to burst with jealousy.

So that he would finally show up....

But how could he, when he was tragically burnt to death two months ago?

He might be more likely to haunt Phil as a poltergeist. But since I didn't have the leading role in the next horror film, the supernatural was rather out of the question.

Although...

Hadn't I spent weeks chasing the legendary figure "The Man Without a Face".

Who knew what was possible in Duskwood....

  On the other hand...

Shouldn't Jake use his ghost powers to send me a message instead of torturing Phil...?!

I guess I' d have a reason to be really mad at Jake that way. Perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing. If his jealousy means more to him than his love for me, I could use my anger and get over him. Except that it would be relatively amusing after all. An unsuspecting Phil wondering about strange happenings.

Strange creaking floors, objects suddenly disappearing and reappearing in the strangest places.

Spooky messages on his smartphone and computer.

Okay, Jake would definitely use the computer for his haunting.

Every time Phil flirted with me...

I felt Phil tighten his hold on my thigh.

I wonder if he had just seen the first ghostly apparition.

"[MC], were you even listening to me?", Phil asked me in a concerned tone.

"No. Sorry.", I said, trying to suppress my laughter.

I really was stupid...

Did I really just consider the existence of poltergeists?

"It's okay," he replied in a calm tone. Still, I had the feeling he was regarding me with a scowl.

"I have spoken to my lawyer," he repeated. Even though this information wasn't actually new to me, it surprised me. With a frown, I turned to him. "You're quite nervous, aren't you?" he said gently with a subtle smile. I nodded.

It wasn't a lie, in that sense....

I was nervous. Alan's reaction towards me was entirely unknown to me. The way Jessy and Phil sounded, he probably didn't like me. But I was more concerned with other issues.

Jake...

Since I already avoided talking to my best friend, I would certainly not reveal my feelings to her brother.

"Don't worry too much," Phil continued in a soft voice. "If our incompetent police chief makes a fool of you, you'll refuse to testify," his voice sounded much more serious by now. I guess my eyes must have been looking at him in confusion. So he added: "My lawyer said it would be unwise for him to come along in the first place. It's just a testimony. We don't want to upset him unnecessarily. But if he tries to blame you in any way, my lawyer will come right away."

I modestly nodded as a sign I had understood his words. For a moment an uncomfortable silence reigned between us.

"Do you know Nothing but Thieves?" asked Phil enthusiastically, probably hoping to distract me. I shook my head. While looking through his music folder on the display, of the radio, he said, "You might like that band."

He smiled at me.

"Amsterdam - Nothing but Thieves" was on the display.

I listened intently to the music. Phil was right. The song and the band were exactly suited my music taste. I enjoyed the fifteen minute car ride. Above all, we seemed genuinely to like the same kind of music. If I had appreciated what unknown treasures were on his USB stick, I wouldn't have done the My Chemical Romance loop to Jessy.

Concrete Jungle by Bad Omens was one of those treasures. The enthusiasm in his eyes when I responded positively to this song couldn't be described as anything other than sweet.

We stood in the car park of the police station. I would have loved to spend another hour discovering more of the music treasures. But Phil's comment telling me to call as soon as he could pick me up was the politest way of kicking me out.

"I will," I smiled nervously.

For two reasons...

Firstly, of course, there was my upcoming conversation with Alan. Secondly, and more importantly, I didn't know how to say goodbye to Phil. He had taken his chance to flirt with me. I would be lying if I said I hadn't reciprocated. Purely because I had allowed his hand to stroke my thigh.

The whole way...

He had taken it from me just to change gears. I giggled sheepishly, like a prepubescent teenager, at every ambiguous innuendo. Although it was already more than obvious as he said that it was also good music for the sexual act. Along those lines, if my crimson face was left aside, I had agreed.

Somehow...

At least I had mumbled embarrassedly he was right about that.

Oh my God!!!

Had I agreed to sleep with Phil?

Was that really what I wanted?

Phil was damn attractive. Besides, at least according to his reputation, he seemed to have a wealth of experience.

Or in other words: I would certainly get my rewards when he pushed me across the bed sheet. It would definitely get wild and passionate. Embarrassed, I smacked my lower lip. I had to keep my thoughts clear.

"Sometimes I'd like to know what goes on in that cute head of yours," Phil grinned at me mischievously.

" You better not," it popped into my head. Fortunately, for once, I had thought before I spoke. If it hadn't been for the telltale blush on my cheeks. Phil laughed seductively.

"Good luck.", he said and kissed me on the cheek. My whole body froze. Except for my heart, which didn't let itself be deprived of a leap or two of joy.

"Thank you...",I stammered inarticulately. With an embarrassed look at the floor, I reached for the door opener.

"See you soon, [MC]" he said in a charming tone. Without saying anything in reply, I got out of the car with mechanical movements. As I closed the door behind me, I could still hear Phil's audacious, seductive laugh.

Somehow, inexplicably, the thought arose in me to really get involved with Phil.

After all the crap of the last few months, didn't I deserve some fun?

With just some pampering?

Hadn't I been babysitting the everyone else long enough?

Shouldn't I finally get rewarded for my detective work?

After all, I had gotten Phil out of prison !

And he seemed to want to thank me with some bed sport.

There were two things I wasn't aware of. I was desperately looking for a reason to justify a one-night stand with Mr. Aurora.

This wasn't really like me.

Such fleeting affairs...

I would also like to say bad boys per se. However, I was left with a broken heart many times. Precisely because these kinds of men are usually not interested in someone as inconspicuous as me.

That's exactly what fascinated me about Phil Hawkins.

He was the classic textbook example of a bad boy, a womaniser, and he wanted me! Slowly, I couldn't deny his attempts at flirtation. So obvious and direct in how he went about it.

So very different from Jake...

His flirtations were much more subtle.

It was exactly this kind of flirting that made me fall for this mysterious hacker.

Why I fell in love with him that much...

 Well, there was Phil...

He wanted some fun...

I just wanted to...

Not necessarily fall in love again.

Anyway, that was going to be impossible.

A soul mate existed just once. But that didn't have to mean having no fun at all.

Did it?

I entered the police station with my mind made up to have a hot night of love with the even hotter bartender.

My renewed confidence just lasted until I stepped in front of the reception desk. The grim-looking police officer snapped at me, " What?" I got a few crumbs from his bread.

"...an appointment with Mr Bloomgate," I stammered, having swallowed the beginning of the sentence. The plump policeman eyed me contemptuously. "I suppose [MC] " a man in his 40s spoke to me. I nodded. He extended his hand to me in greeting.

"Alan.", he said kindly.

I accepted this gesture uncertainly. Alan didn't seem much like what I had been threatened with. His grey-green eyes and the occasional grey strands in his dark brown hair made a rather kind impression. Even the way he gently put his hand on my back to guide me inside the building was more caring than threatening.

"Frank could you ask Karen to bring us coffee and biscuits in room 102," he said gently to the grim-faced man at the reception. The man replied "Yes" in the same unfriendly tone as he had spoken to me. Alan probably noticed the irritated look on my face.

" Please don't be irritated by Frank. The early duties aren't really his kind of thing. Particularly since his seventeen-year-old daughter's baby has been keeping him up at night," Alan explained to me giving too much information in my opinion. Relieved that Alan had misinterpreted my puzzled expression, I exhaled.

"I'm glad they're finally ready to make a testimony," I was unsure if he just wanted to interrupt the awkward silence or tease against my two months of my silence.

"Excuse me." , I murmured guiltily. "I just wasn't feeling so well."

"Your friend Jessica Hawkins had already told me that you had initially broken off contact with her and the rest of the group as well." I nodded in confirmation. " You must have been very upset by all of this, weren't you?" he spoke almost in a fatherly caring tone.

"Yes. It did. Sort of." My voice was always tinged with nervousness. But the tension in my body gradually eased.

Alan opened the door to room 102. Although he briskly ushered me into the room, I was still able to read the room label.

"Audio Interrogation Room"

Alan directed me to a chair where I could sit down. I immediately did so. The place was so different from my imagination. The walls weren't a cold white or grey, instead they were a warm dark green. The chairs weren't uncomfortable wooden chairs, just soft leather armchairs in black. There was a dictaphone on the mahogany table. More importantly, there was no mirrored glass wall or anything like that. No one could actually watch us.

" Quite different from your imagination, isn't it?" he smiled and I nodded. "So in advance." he said and seated himself opposite me. "I'm about to record your statement on the dictaphone. Don't be surprised that some of what I'm about to say will be repeated in a moment. So we can talk in advance without it being officially recorded."

With a nod, I indicated my understanding.

" It was the hacker from your group, right?"

Shocked, I looked at Alan.

He really expected me to confirm this now?

He didn't really expect me to turn Jake in at this point.

The hell with that!

Well, my appetite for offense was aroused!

"I won't tell you anything about the hacker!", I nagged at him.

"His case clearly exceeds the area of responsibility of such a small police department as ours. I already told him that...!", Alan spoke in a soft, calm tone.

I averted my gaze.

" In the same way as I have already told you that I am interested in why someone like him showed interest in such a relatively small missing persons case," Alan continued speaking after I remained silent.

Just like now!

"If you knew all the things this hacker is involved in, you wouldn't be keeping quiet right now," his voice was still calm.

Unlike mine...

" Oh, I would!" I said in a passive-aggressive tone. "I wouldn't ever betray him."

"You know you're protecting a wanted criminal just now."

"I don't care," I screeched, tears forming in my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Alan about Jake. I didn't really want to talk to anyone about Jake. There wasn't anyone I could really talk to. The others just mistrusted him all the time. No one had and would ever understand my feelings. Everyone would just pretend to be sympathetic.

" I don't see any reason why you would want to protect him so obsessively," Alan tried to draw me out. Doing so just made me even more stubborn. I was already jumping up and about to leave the room.

"[MC], I specifically asked you about the hacker before our official questioning." Alan achieved his goal with this statement. I stopped abruptly.

"This whole case... I just want to understand it," he said quietly.

"I don't know much about him myself," my gaze lowered to the floor before I turned around.

"He had his reasons for saving Hannah...", I mumbled as my guilt crushed me.

However, even if Alan could probably put this information together himself...

He also knew, in all probability, Jake had been in the mine that night.

"That's all I can get out of you, isn't it?" ,his voice sounded soft.

I nodded.

"No matter how much I assure you that I can't do anything about the hacker."

Again I nodded.

"Then I am going to accept this."

I exhaled with relief and sat back in my seat.

" Well, just in case you change your mind one day, you can also talk to me in a private setting."

He still didn't let up....

"Alan, please!", I pleaded.

"I just thought I'd offer."

"I get it," I sighed.

"Then there is something else I want to tell you before we begin," he continued in a calm tone. "If you are unsure about anything in particular, give me a hand gesture."

Irritated, I looked at him.

" We can then interrupt the interrogation"

" So, you can do that so easily?", I asked sceptically.

" Let me concern myself with this" he smiled kindly at me. "It's definitely easier than having something on tape that will cause you problems afterwards."

Anyone else would probably be lulled into a sense of security right now. However, for me it just aroused further suspicion.

"Why are you being so kind?", I raised an eyebrow.

The next moment, my sceptical expression turned into a confused one. It was Alan who had started laughing out loud.

"I'm curious to hear your explanation," he continued, amused.

"Jessy and Phil said that you weren't very fond of me," I paused for a moment. Alan was going to have a chance to counter that somewhat. As he didn't take that opportunity, I continued speaking. "You threatened Jessy to put me in jail if I didn't show up here. Besides, Phil said you were supposed to have the appointment at six. You know, just to torture me." This time I didn't give Alan a chance to intervene in what I said. He probably wouldn't have wanted me to. He regarded me with amusement for a moment before saying cheerfully, "Well, I admit I lost my temper a little with Ms. Hawkins where you were concerned. However, there has been a misunderstanding about Mr. Hawkins."

I frowned in confusion

"To Mr. Hawkins I merely said. It would be in both our interests to make the appointment as early as possible. And I would be available from about six o'clock in the morning."

Alan offered me the chance to add something to the conversation this time.

I nodded and some of the confusion lifted from my face.

"I suppose Mr Hawkins can't be blamed for this misunderstanding due to the circumstances," Alan voiced my train of thought.

"And regarding Ms. Hawkins, I should apologise. However, I had made my threat when I didn't know that you hadn't contacted your friends either."

I replied to this statement with an embarrassed look to the side.

"I'm really sorry. It's just that everything-"

"You had already said it was because of your mental state," Alan interrupted me. "Besides, from what your friends told me, it was fairly obvious after all. I subsequently handed Ms. Hawkins your address so she could take care of you."

I blinked in confusion.

"You were worried?" I asked, puzzled, with a few seconds' delay. With a nod he confirmed: "Of course. Even for us officers, such cases aren't always easy to cope with. I could gladly give you the number of the psychological practice that specialises in such cases."

With a shake of my head I declined.

"Thanks a lot, but since Jessy's been here I'm fine again. I guess I was just in shock." The crux of the matter was that I really believed I could handle anything without professional help to deal with my traumatic experiences.

"Are you sure?", Alan echoed with concern.

"Yes, I am," I smiled at him.

"Again, if you change your mind, you could contact me at any time."

"I know"

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: :)

Karen, a young, friendly woman in her early thirties, had brought the ordered coffee and biscuits. Plenty of them, too. Besides a considerable selection of biscuits, there were five muffins. Three with chocolate chips and two with blueberries. My empty stomach was very grateful for this. So I immediately took one of the chocolate muffins and ate it while Alan read out my personal data.

My name, my date of birth, my address, all this was correct. As Alan began the lecture, I sipped my coffee. Saying that it was the best coffee I had ever drunk would have been an exaggeration. However, it was very close.

"However, you do not have to incriminate yourself. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes, I understand completely," I confirmed and sipped my coffee anew.

"Why don't we start with how you got involved in the Hannah Donfort abduction case, [MC]. You're not even from Duskwood."

My eyes fastened on the large dictaphone and the black tape, moving from one reel to the other.

"Thomas messaged me and added me to a group."

Still looking at Alan.

"Thomas said he got my number from Hannah."

I reached for my coffee with a shaky hand.

"After she was kidnapped already."

The spilled coffee drops formed large stains on my blouse.

"Do you have any explanation as to why Ms. Donfort did this?"

Automatically I shook my head.

"For the record the witness is shaking her head," Alan's voice surprised me.

"Sorry, I didn't think of it," I said, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"It's alright. I still can do something like that, just like put it in the audio log like that. There' s really nothing for you to worry about. Your testimony is only to prepare the charges against Richy Rogers."

Alan had already told me that before we started the investigation. Actually, there had been no reason to be suspicious of this. But the fact that Alan was now officially taking it on board relieved most of my nervousness.

"Do you have any idea why Ms. Donfort might have sent your number to Mr. Miller of all people?"

"I really don't know Hannah. I hadn't even heard of Duskwood until the message from Thomas."

"Understandable. After all, they live several hundred kilometres away from our little Duskwood. However, surely you will have given some thought to, shall we say, your role. I'd just love to hear those theories."

I took the second chocolate muffin and took a piece. However, I held it in my hand and didn't put it in my mouth.

"Yeah. I think Hannah just mistyped it. Maybe she meant to send Richy's number. Or it was Jennifer's Hanson old number. But if you want to know the exact reason, you should ask Hannah, not me."

"We've already done that. However, Ms. Donfort assured us she hadn't mailed your number. She had lost her phone in the assault."

The piece of muffin I had just had in my fingers had fallen into my coffee. According to the laws of physics, the hot brew should burn on my skin, but I felt nothing.

"Ms. Lilly Donfort had mentioned a man in your video. Can you imagine him integrating you into that?"

"No.", I said with a vigorous shake of my head. "He was just trying to help."

I didn't let on how pissed off I was right now. Before the official part started, I had made it clear that I didn't want to talk about Jake. Now I was forced to rip my own heart out. Even though I was careful to only reveal positively and as little as possible about him, I felt like a traitor.

"But the option would he have? To send your number and then delete it again."

"Alan...", I pleaded.

"[MC], please answer my question."

"I don't know. Probably I do. But I don't see why. We didn't know each other either."

The sting in my chest was unbearable. Not just that I felt betrayed by Alan, but for the first time doubts were really growing inside me. Erasing my number from Thomas' mobile after the fact could only have been Jake. The others had suspected something like that and had asked me about it. However, I was able to dismiss this thought because I didn't know the true face behind the legend.

Richy...

I didn't mean to say that he wasn't computer-savvy. It's just that he was a car mechanic, not a hacker. The latter was Jake's job.

But did that mean he'd put me in the Group?

Me being his personal spy...

All those feelings were just pretend to keep me happy. Somehow I couldn't, or rather didn't want to, imagine that. Although it was easy to act purely through the written word.

Hadn't he told me once that he couldn't read emotions like that?

And yet he did it every time with me...

Besides, it would explain why he'd been missing for two months.

If he had just disappeared....

Then I guess I really was just a pawn on his chessboard. From a purely logical standpoint, it would make sense.

Jake wanted to save Hannah.

At any cost...

He himself had not been able to contribute to the group

But emotionally...

He was always trying to protect me.

It certainly wasn't because he knew how blameless I was...

No!

I didn't want to believe it...

Don't even think about it....

Jake wouldn't do that!

Or would he?!

"So you don't see any motive in this man regarding this," Alan brought me back to the here and now.

"Exactly," I confirmed.

"You know nothing about this man, did I understand that correctly?" he said in a strange emphasis.

"Yes...?", I replied, trying to hide my uncertainty.

"Then there's no point in continuing to question you regarding the hacker either.", he winked at me and I stared at him with my mouth wide open.

Of course he had to mention Jake...

Lilly's video had had over 4000 views in a short time. That's how many people knew at least one outstanding person besides me was involved in the case.

I wonder if Alan would have given me a heads up if I hadn't been so stubborn.

"Thank you.", my lips formed tonelessly and Alan nodded at me meaningfully.

"You decided, after Thomas Miller contacted you, to help? I could gather that correctly from your previous words?", Alan steered the questioning back in the direction of my part of the story.

"Exactly. Or rather, that's what the others asked me to do. They finally had a straw to clutch at again. I also understood Thomas' fear that if he went to the police with my number, he would make himself even more suspicious. More suspicious, that is, than the cohabitant already is."

"And you weren't afraid of being targeted by the investigation?"

"No, why should I be. I had nothing to do with it. I didn't know Hannah. I didn't know Duskwood. I don't have a motive and I probably would have had an alibi. Simply because I was so far away. I couldn't have done it, after all. It would have looked more like Thomas wanted to divert suspicion from himself with my number. At the very least, that would have made him even more suspicious.

Alan chuckled. "You have an interesting way of thinking. Have you ever thought about a career in criminology?"

The compliment had left a rosy glow on my cheeks.

"Thank you...But I guess anyone would have come to that conclusion. Besides, all those true-crime documentaries prove that it' s often the partner."

I smiled uncertainly as Alan laughed heartily.

"Well. You' ve solved two cases. Not everyone can do that. Especially a cold case on top of that."

"Both things belonged together, after all. Somehow," I replied shyly.

"Someone like you is certainly needed," he said kindly. "But enough chatting. Where did you come up with the connection between Jennifer Hanson's fatal accident and the kidnapping of Hannah Donfort?"

I sighed.

"Phew! I can't answer that question so easily. That's the whole story, really."

"I was aware of that. We have time, just get started. Then if I have any question, I will ask it in between."

I nodded.

"So our first lead was that Alfie, Miss Walter's son, he saw Hannah being lured into the woods by the Man Without a Face. So he told Cleo, and Cleo told me."

" So you believed an old legend?" asked Alan, puzzled.

"Well, actually, it was the first lead I got. Besides, there' s nothing absurd about a perpetrator trying to hide his crime behind a legend. Or as in Richy's case, wants to express their motives through it. Hannah was guilty of something. And so...“

So I started to tell Alan what had happened from my point of view. Beginning with the research on the "man without a face". Just as from the threatening phone calls to the attacks on Jessy. We realised that the kidnapper wanted to be connected to the legend. The same way we figured out the connection between Hannah and Jennifer. Although I left out certain parts. The parts that involved Jake and kept me out of trouble. As an example, Alan wasn't supposed to know that I knew his voice memos from Amy's flat inspection. I explained that the others had decided to go into hiding in the cabin in the woods. I also mentioned how Richy showed up at the cabin in disguise after sending us the fake livestream. Dan had just shot him because he was about to attack Jessy. I insisted Dan had just shot because there was a threat that all of us were going to be killed.

I referred to my conclusion Richy had to change his plan because of this. With his bullet wound, he couldn't play the hero anymore. I also shared my suspicion Richy was trying to lure me to Grimrock just to concede what he had done. Unfortunately, I was afraid to go there, because at that time we were still assuming Michael Hanson was the perpetrator. Finally, I told how Richy had confessed everything to me on the phone.

" So, you really don't want to do an internship here," Alan tried to cheer me up after the official part was over. I smiled wryly at him. It would be unfair to say he hadn't been nice to me. I felt relatively sure he' d intervened a couple of times to make sure I didn' t get myself into hot water. Furthermore, he seemed to be really impressed with the results of our investigation. Several times he had offered me a job as a trainee.

"I guess I can think about it."

Nervously, I sipped the cold remains of my coffee. Since our conversation turned to the events of Grimrock Falls, that one question had been simmering on my lip.

Did Alan know what had happened to Jake on that night?

After all, according to Jessy, no bodies had been found. But maybe that was just the official information.

"Alan? May I ask you something?", I abandoned my inner conflict.

My curiosity was to strong!

Besides, Alan had given me the impression I could trust him. Except for this. I mean, that he knew Jake was in the iron mines that night.

" You didn't get what happened to the hacker. So if your counterparts at the FBI arrested him." I just stammered my words while my face glowed red.

Initially Alan looked at me in irritation before smiling gently. "[MC], I'm really sorry."

My heart felt as if it had stopped beating abruptly. This beginning made me regret my question so immediately. My interlocutor had probably realised that his answer scared me. So he quickly added: "Unfortunately, I didn't hear anything about that. All the hustle and bustle at Grimrock, to say it was chaotic would be an understatement. And I had to take care of Ms. Donfort on top of that."

"I understand," I replied, trying to suppress my emotional chaos. Of course I was disappointed as I still didn't have an answer to Jake's remaining. Alan was probably the only one who could have given me the answer.

Nevertheless, there was hope in me again. Perhaps the aforementioned chaos helped Jake to escape unharmed.

And maybe there really was a chance that he was still alive and would come back to me one day. This glimmer of hope made my heart beat faster.

"I'm sorry I can' t tell you more," Alan added.

" It' s all right," I smiled.

Our conversation ended there, technically. We were still chatting, though, as Alan walked me back to the entrance. However, it was more irrelevant small talk and another attempt to talk me into a traineeship in the department. I was told to get in touch with him if I remembered anything else.

Standing in front of the police headquarters, I texted Phil to pick me up. Amazed, I noticed that it was almost 11:30 in the meantime. I hadn't expected it to be so late. It felt like an hour and a half at the most. Thinking about the fact it was almost time for lunch my stomach started to growl. I grumbled.

If only I had eaten a proper breakfast this morning....

Well, I couldn't change the situation either.

I spotted a free bicycle kickstand which I could use as a seat. In order to make the waiting time easier, I looked for a game on my smartphone.

Candy Crush...

Thereupon my choice was made. I managed the first round easily.

If only hacking into the cloud had been that easy...

However, I abandoned this thought as I lost the next level. Probably the investigation would only have dragged on unnecessarily. Annoyed, I started the level again after losing the 3rd level life.

"Hello [MC] :)"

My heartbeat abruptly stopped as this message popped up on my phone.

This smiley...

There was just one person who used those old-fashioned ones, right...?

Jake...?

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: Market Square

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." For the first time, I was irritated by the second message. But afterwards I opened my messenger and realized who had actually written to me.

Phil...

There were two people in my life who didn't use emojis, but smileys. Except I was so desperate for a hint of Jake I blocked all other eventualities aside.

" Thanks.", I replied, attempting to reassemble my broken heart. This morning I had been contemplating a fleeting affair with Mr Aurora. Now I felt so alone and abandoned all over again. The worst part was although I realised I would be cheating on my boyfriend if I did this, but I couldn't quite dismiss the thought. Instead, I hoped my moral compass would guide me in the right direction. Instead of letting emptiness and loneliness take over.

I noticed Phil's van turning into the parking area. In one leap I stood on my feet and made my way to the parked vehicle. I wondered why Phil was getting out. Then I saw him light a cigarette. "Would you like one?", Phil asked me as he noticed my gaze. I shook my head.

"No, thanks. I don't smoke."

" Better be," Phil grinned at me. "It's just an expensive nasty habit.“

I watched him as he took a drag on his cigarette and exhaled the smoke anew. I bit my lower lip.

Damn!

Why was Phil so attractive!

This stupid habit definitively added extra points to his score.

No, I wasn't allowed...

I had Jake!

Kind of...

More like maybe...

Eventually...

If he decided to come back to me after all...

I noticed Phil's gaze.

His mischievous grin...

He knew exactly what I was thinking.

Automatically my cheeks blushed.

Once again...

Crap!

Hearing his naughty giggle made my situation even more miserable. Phil flicked the filter of his cigarette onto the ground. With his right black Converse chuck, he stamped out the embers.

" Would you like to get a bite to eat?" he asked me. My empty stomach convinced my head to nod.

"Perfect," Phil's voice had a wicked note to it.

Well, or maybe that's how I wanted to hear it...  

I didn't really know how to describe what it was like. I didn't want to be with anyone else besides Jake. Somehow, though, my ego needed the attention of a man right now. Perhaps that's why my brain was twisting facts.

My eyes watched the track we were passing with a blurry gaze. Desperately, I tried to sort out my chaotic thoughts. Or rather, I searched for clues that I was imagining his flirtations.

The easiest way to ban my thoughts of escape from loneliness. But Phil didn't help me to create this illusion very easily. Just like this morning, his hand rested on my thigh. Even before I could plausibly assure myself he had placed his hand there just to reassure me.

How was I supposed to resist temptation if it actually existed?

I hated myself for that thought. Things didn't get any better even when he paid for my burrito with the words that a beautiful woman shouldn't have to pay for her meal in the accompaniment of a man. Even the fact that we were walking through the small town centre with our food wasn't helpful at all.

In addition to my uncertainty as to whether it was a date or not, there was also the feeling of being under observation. However, the evidence was obvious I was imagining this feeling. The stares I felt on the back of my neck were coming from everywhere. Even from the bowl of tomato and cucumber salad. Somehow there was the wish Jake would see me wandering the streets so cheerfully with his adversary.

I was a horrible person....

I wanted to provoke his jealousy just to get satisfaction. My punishment for him chastising me with his absence.

I knew there was a reason for it....

He wouldn't do this to me easily!

And I....

Why was I such a horrible person...?

"Phil Can we get back to Jessy's place now?", I could hear the suffering tone in my voice, so I wasn't surprised at Phil's irritated look. " You know, spending time with Alan was exhausting. I want to get some rest. Before the others and me leave..", once again this lie occurred to me too quickly.

Actually, to fast...

I was just awful...

To my surprise, Phil first looked at his wristwatch before answering, "Yeah, it's fine." I couldn't tell if there was disappointment in his tone of voice. In any case, it seemed as if he had believed my lie and had no idea that I simply wanted to get away from him. Already ready to leave, I sat in the passenger seat while Phil indulged in another cigarette. The index finger and middle finger of his left hand, with the cigarette between it, moved away from his mouth, followed by the smoke he exhaled. His gaze, however, was fixed on his right hand. He put his cigarette between his lips again. This time he needed his left hand to operate the smartphone in his right hand.

Again, on this car ride, he had placed his hand on my thigh. He also talked, no, he praised the Aurora. He often emphasised how happy he was that I was planning to come tonight. Probably thanks to his euphoria, he didn't notice that I was only looking at him with a fake smile. I had completely forgotten about the agreement that the group and I would spend tonight in the bar.

Phil and I in combination with alcohol was bound to go wrong. One advantage was that I still had enough time to come up with a plausible excuse for not drinking alcohol tonight. A bit of a pity when I thought of the free drinks.

When did you ever have a chance like that...?

Phil switched off the car motor. After a moment's confusion, I realised we had already arrived at Jessy's flat. He used the moment of my confusion to get out and open the passenger door. Phil held out his hand to make it easier for me to climb out.

"I liked our first little date," he said in a soft voice. Automatically I nodded in agreement. For a brief moment I felt guilty.

What if Phil was hoping for something more in the future?

After all, he wasn't aware of the existence of a certain hacker. I opened my mouth, but immediately closed it again. Not because I hadn't thought of any words yet. Instead, it was because the saving thought occurred to me just in time.

Why would someone like Phil be seriously interested in me?

I wasn't really in his league. I didn't mean to imply that I was ugly. My attractiveness level was more in the average range. Phil, on the other hand, was more on the "sexiest man alive" level on this scale.

Then there was his reputation after all. A few flattering words and gestures and he could be sure: Someone like me was a slight notch in his bedpost. I would have made a fool of myself if I had said anything about that.

"See you tonight, [MC]", his flirtatious tone didn't surprise me at all. In my mind, I had already seen through his ploy. But then I fleetingly felt his lips on mine. My body felt as if I had been hit by the spell "Petificus Totalus". Except, unlike Neville Longbottom, I didn't fall ungently to the floor. Instead, next to my petrified body, my face had turned burgundy.

"You really are a special girl, [MC]," I deliberately ignored the emphasis on how seriously he meant those words. I didn't want Phil to be completely honest with me.

Why was the man's world starting to take an interest in me at this point?

"Thanks," I squeaked in a high pitched voice.

"I'm looking forward to tonight," I couldn't explain why those words popped out of my mouth. I hadn't heard my unusual rapturous voice from me before. This mischievous smile on his lips made my heart skip a beat. My plan not to consume any alcohol that evening was forgotten. Actually, Phil's kiss had thrown all my good intentions overboard.

I was still standing there a few minutes after Phil had left, dumbfounded. Had he actually still said that he thought it was a pity he couldn't lie in bed with me?

I mean the way he'd looked at me, how close he was, the way he'd whispered it in my ear that he didn't mean cuddling during a nap.

I must have imagined it! It couldn't be otherwise.

Perhaps my dysfunctional brain had incorrectly processed the information he would also be taking an afternoon nap. He had mentioned during the journey that he never knows exactly how long the night will be, even though it's a regular working day. The question at hand wasn't why he was so enthusiastic about his job despite the miserable working conditions. But why Phil, after I had uttered a confused "Why not?", had grinned at me so seductively. Just to whisper in my ear that unfortunately he had to leave now. Besides, he had mentioned that other activities with me in bed were preferred. Just like his offer to carry out this activity tonight. He didn't disregard the fact that his flat was above the Aurora.

So...

The second kiss also contradicted my theory of my twisted perception.

Oh my God!

I had returned that kiss!

How could this happen?!

My index finger brushed across my lips. The next moment, the nail of said finger was between my incisors. Nervously, I tried to reconstruct the last events with Phil.

His hand on my hip. Just a few seconds before his lips touched mine again. His hip pressed against mine. My back pressed against the wall of the house. And then his lips, which pressed longingly against mine again and again. And then mine, which hungrily demanded his.

His tongue...

Holy shit...

Were our tongues really involved in this kiss?

I had exchanged my index fingernail for that of my thumb. Before I had allowed myself to pursue my thoughts further, I bit off a piece of my nail.

It had been me...

My tongue had demanded entry into his mouth.

What had I done?

How could I do that?

Nervously I looked around.

Jake couldn't have seen that!

Please don't...

My head movements became more and more panicky as I caught sight of no one. I couldn't sort out this newfound realisation. Meant that he had seen us and with his heart broken, he had fled.

Forever...

Nervously, I looked around. Or was I really that lucky and he hadn't seen us?

That didn't fit my life at all.

Fate usually loved to play every conceivable trick on me. A Jake who had been missing for two months turned up near me at that exact moment.

That would be so typical of my life...

However, considering the mathematical probability, this was rather in the realm of the impossible. Nevertheless, no glimmer of hope was triggered in my heart. The fear that the love of my life could have seen this small moment of weakness was simply too much.

Sighing deeply, I sat down on the stairs of the hallway, deliberately on the left-hand edge. After all, the front door was wide open. It was obvious that one of Jessy's neighbours could come through the hallway at any moment. For example, to take out the household rubbish or to carry several stages of supermarket shopping into their flat.#

Shakily, I fished my smartphone out of my pocket. Almost as if by magic, our chat opened. The three magic words gave me the calm my troubled mind needed. I drew in the oxygen through my nose. I released the excess air through my open mouth.

My finger slid across the keyboard. I typed his name with a question mark. But before I sent the message, I deleted it.

"I miss you.", this message also landed in nirvana before it could start its journey to its recipient.

It was useless after all.

There was no indication that he would contact me. There had to be a reason for his lack of vital signs.

No matter what...

On his part, there wasn't any reason to react to my message yet. Especially not if he had witnessed it.

One positive aspect would be...

It would mean he is alive. This thought made my heart lighter for a tiny moment. Until my thoughts turned to the path that there was little evidence of his survival. With a gulp, I didn't allow myself to pursue that assumption any further.

It would definitely be better if he had seen Phil and me.

Better than his death...

I pulled myself together. The time had finally arrived for me to enter Jessy's flat. She was probably already eagerly awaiting my arrival. We wanted to move into the luxurious cabin in the forest today. It was quite possible the others were already waiting for us there.

I looked out of the small hallway window without a reason. My eyes spied the high trees of the forest. Admittedly, this was not exactly by chance. Duskwood lived up to its name. This small town was surrounded by several acres of forest. Besides wondering how often the town fitted into the adjacent woodland, I wondered where exactly the Grimrock waterfall was located. I had no explanation as to why I had come up with this thought.

Just as a plant grew from a seed in the soil, an idea grew from this thought. I could sneak out of the Aurora tonight and go to the Grimrock. I would kill two birds with one stone. First of all, I could avoid the sexy bartender. And I wouldn't have to think of any more scenarios about how things would go between us. Most of all, I wouldn't have to feel bad for various hopes. Especially if I took away the possibility of bed sport myself. The other advantage was that I would resume my old detective activities and search for my own traces in the iron splitter mines.

Maybe I would actually find clues about Jake's whereabouts.

My heart tripped because of the rising euphoria.

Maybe I would finally get some answers...

My plan motivated me to continue on my way to my best friend's flat. Just to experience a rollercoaster of emotions again at the destination of my way.

The white flat door was open a small crack. Cold sweat formed on my skin.

The sign of the raven was still the same, wasn't it?

I had seen it yesterday, hadn't I?

My shaky hand reached for the door handle. It didn't make sense for the man to be back without a face. According to Jessy, Richy was in a psychiatric ward.

Besides, his suicide attempt was a sign, wasn't it?

No, the man with no face wouldn't return....

Wouldn't ...

Couldn't...  

But why was the flat door open?

I hadn't seen a soul....

What if someone else had done something to Jessy under the protection of the old legend's cloak.

What if I couldn't protect her again....

What if it was my fault again....

My stomach ached with fear.

The creak of the door echoed in my ears as I opened it. My heart stopped as I entered the unusually dark flat.

Are... you... scared?

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: Are you scared?

"Surprise"

Several voices echoed in the room all at once. As brightly as a flash of lightning in the dark night sky, the light was switched on. My eyes were automatically narrowed. I felt as if my heart had stopped beating. After a few seconds of disorientation, I recognised their grinning faces.

Are you scared?

Cleo and Jessy stood in front of the others. In their hands, a silver serving tray was presented, with a squared chocolate cream cake on it. The cream was perfectly smoothed out and the small heaps of cream adorned the rim in excellent symmetry. Brightly coloured letters of sugar formed the words "Welcome to Duskwood." Each word had a separate row reserved for it. This cake didn't seem like it had been handmade. Nevertheless, I knew it was. After all, I had sent Cleo's photos of the processing in the group chat.

Are you scared?

Thomas stood behind Cleo on the left. Also on the left, although behind Jessy, was Lilly. Centrally between the both of them was a young woman whose gaze wasn't on me, but on the floor. I knew who she was.

The shy main character of my story.

Hannah Donfort.

Perfectly placed between her boyfriend and her little sister. In contrast, Dan seems like an outsider in his wheelchair several inches next to Jessy and Lilly.

Are you scared?

The corner of my left mouth tried desperately to form a smile. But the right side was still paralysed. It was strange that I felt most connected to the only stranger in the room. We were both plagued by an extreme malaise, the desire to get the hell out of here. Even though the basic motives for this feeling couldn't have been more different for the two of us

Are you scared?

I didn't understand my body and my feelings any longer. Each and every muscle conspired against me. Instead of happy endorphins or even calming serotonin, my brain flooded me with stressful adrenaline. I guess the amygdala of my brain hadn't yet been given the message that this wasn't a dangerous situation here.

Are you scared?

However, other parts of my body seemed to understand this cognition already. Otherwise, my frozen body couldn't be explained. After all, I wasn't a rabbit whose self-protection caused a death-like condition. In an actual case of a dangerous situations, I would have been a victim to any attackers.

Are you scared?

"[MC], Are you all right?" The information flow from my ears to my brain was still functioning to such an extent that I was able to process that it was Dan's voice that had spoken to me. Because my memory knew where he was, I could turn my head in his direction with mechanical movements.

Are you scared?

" Yeah, of course," I squeaked and attempted to emphasize this statement with a fake smile.  Their glances showed me clearly that they had seen through my trick.

Dan merely underlined this with his particularly skeptically emphasized, " Oh, for real?"

Are you scared?

Automatically, my left foot stepped back. I sensed their irritated gazes. I didn't want to flee, just my body was in escape mode.

"I..." I began without knowing what I was going to say. Or even begin to understand my own acute emotional state.

Are you scared?

I didn't understand why my heart wouldn't stop beating against my chest in such an panic. Neither did I understand my body's reason for trembling in such a panic.

Are you scared?

My eyes were desperately seeking a way to escape. My brain was working at full speed to process these visual impressions.

A door...

Jessy's bedroom door...

Are you scared?

Taking a deep breath, I lied: "I'm sorry guys! I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm just going to get a rest." Even I was surprised by the conviction with which I delivered my words.

Are you scared?

Taking shaky, quick steps, I hurried into my best friend's bedroom. I quickly closed the door behind me and leaned my back against it. I couldn't suppress the waterfall of tears any longer. Even though the origin was completely unknown to me.

Are you scared?

Jessy and the others were safe too!

Why didn't my body understand any of this?

Everything was all right!

Damn it!

So why couldn't I just calm down?

So why did it get fucking worse too?

Are you scared?

With my back against the door, I went to the floor.

I placed my hands on my ears. In the hope that this voice might finally be silenced.

I knew it was just Richy's voice-consuming words in my head.

Are you scared?

This voice became louder and louder.

So unbearably loud....

I pressed my lips closed.

My upper body slowly drifted down to the floor as well.

Are you scared?

I crouched on the floor, knees drawn up to my face. My mind kept trying in vain to tell my body nobody was in danger. I wasn't going to abandon my friends to danger again. I wasn't responsible all over again. On the contrary, I had the responsibility to be a good friend right now.

Are you scared?

Everyone else had gone to so a lot of effort to give me a positive welcome.

And how did I thank them?

By hiding in Jessy's bedroom like a hysterical bitch.

For nothing!

Are you scared?

This voice, it had to stop!

Why didn't it stop torturing me?

Why wasn't Jake around?

Why couldn't he just take me in his arms right now and tell me everything was okay? Probably my body would believe him more.

Are you scared?

I just could bear it all because of Jake anyway.

Although at first I simply wanted to help the others. My compassion and curiosity triumphed. As quickly as I was drawn into this kidnapping case, however, this mysterious hacker also turned out to be my calming centre.

Are you scared?

Yet this haven of peace was now gone without a trace.

Are you scared?

Shakily, almost automatically, my hand slid to my trouser pocket. In the next moment, my mobile phone was already in my hand.

"Jake?" I barely had time to think twice before I had already sent the message.

Are you scared?

Despite my tear-soaked eyes, I was able to see this message just had one catch.

Unread...

"Please..."

"Jake, I need you..."

"Please!!!"

But these messages remained unread as well.

Are you scared?

I simply laid down and stared at my mobile phone.

Time was no longer a relevant factor in my life, and I didn't pay attention to it anymore. All that mattered to me was that Jake hadn't even read my messages. 

Not yet...

Some part of me still had hope he would come online at some point.

Are you scared?

The other part had given up hope a long time ago plus allowed this voice to torment me in my head. Almost as if I were somewhere with my smartphone and those three words.

At least not in Jessy's room.

Kind of out of this world, too.

Are you scared?

My main benefit this time wasn't just that I didn't feel the tears on my cheek. Instead, my exhausted body was able to imagine his touch. 

It was almost as if I were really in his arms. 

Maybe he really had died in the mines and his spirit was really trying to soothe me.

Are you scared?

"Hey, pretty lady "

"Still awake?"

"I thought you wanted a nap?"

I closed those three messages from Phil as quickly as they had popped up.

My eyes wanted to remain in Jake Chat. This minimal hope in me didn't want to miss the moment when the second hook formed.

Are you scared?

My body was exhausted. I had hardly any strength left. If I perceived reality again, my eyes were going to hurt. However, I did not even notice the weight of my eyelids right now. I continued to crouch on the floor until the last of my strength left me and I fell asleep.

You are the key!

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: Hannah

Somehow I found myself at the bar inside the Aurora after all.

And somehow my resolution not to drink alcohol that evening had also been thrown overboard.

Less than five minutes after entering the bar....

Blaming Phil was probably the easiest, but not the fairest solution.

But I wasn't about being particularly fair. Especially not in my own mind.

Whose feelings was I supposed to hurt?

Besides, he seemed to be a bit of a tease in bringing me a new cocktail again and again. Meanwhile, it was the fifth Sex on the Beach. His goal was clear. Even if there wasn't a beach here in Duskwood.

One thing about him, as a bartender, he knew his craft. I had rarely drunk such a well-mixed cocktail. Besides, my alcohol-fogged brain found his performance behind the bar more attractive with every sip.

I didn't even know if I really had a choice anymore. Phil had already made his decision. The way he touched me told me that. A loving hand on my shoulder.

Every time he walked past me....

However, it was also my own fault.

Would that I, the stupid bitch, hadn't kissed him back...

I had catapulted myself into this situation.

Now I have to face the music to the end.

My lips touched the drinking straw once more and I took another sip of the sweet drink. Those turned out to be the only moments in which my body felt I was really in a bar right now. Everything else felt so unreal.

The conversations, the laughter of my friends was more background scenery for me than anything else.

So this is what it was like to be in a mesh of people all alone....

I wonder if Jake felt like this every day.

It was definitely not pleasant.

If he felt anything like this...

Then I was probably just a rebound for that feeling....

That's why he had disappeared...

Automatically, my body moved from the stool.

"Are you all right?", I heard Jessy's concerned voice next to me.

"Yeah. I just need to go to the bathroom," I gave as emotionlessly as I felt.

"Again?", I didn't have to look at her to know that she raised an eyebrow sceptically.

Some part of me wanted to shout at her. Tell her for what she expected me to do. I didn't get the strength any more.

And who knew if I would ever get the strength to be happy again.

But I managed to control myself and put on a fake smile.

"Well, once Pandora's box is open...", I joked before continuing on my way.

***

"Is [MC] all right?" asked Phil with concern. As he polished the glasses, he could watch the spectacle from the front row.

Jessy, in turn, just shrugged.

" She doesn't talk to us."

She looked sadly at her half-filled glass.

"Our surprise party was a complete flop. She disappeared straight into my bedroom."

Phil smiled at his youngest sister.

"Oh, don't worry about it. She had already told me she was tired. After all-"

But Jessy interrupted him in an angry tone.

"Cleo found her on the floor!"

Confused, Phil blinked.

"We thought we'd go to the hut before. Cleo at least wanted to let her know," Jessy sadly lowered her eyes.

"Mm," thoughtfully spoke Phil. But this time, too, Cleo was the one who stopped him from speaking anymore.

"Phil, can I have another Coke?" asked Cleo kindly.

"Whatever," replied Phil, not trying very hard to be friendly.

"Don't be surprised if no customers show up when you're so unfriendly," Cleo said snappishly as she accepted her drink.

"Maybe no customers show up because you portrayed me here as a kidnapper," her snide remark had aroused Phil's aggressiveness.

Cleo rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"You don't have to roll your eyes...," Phil nagged at her. "If you hadn't been snooping around here, I probably wouldn't have spent my time in jail."

"It's not my fault they found a matchbox next to Amy's body," Cleo could hardly suppress her anger.

This was commented on with an annoyed sigh from Phil. In counter-reaction, Cleo couldn't avoid an annoyed eye roll.

"You don't have to watch like that. I can guess who ratted me out anyway," came a snotty reply from the bartender.

" How many times, it wasn't me!" she nagged back.

Phil raised an eyebrow. "One of you did it.", you could really feel the undigested anger in his words. "You're lucky you're friends with [MC]."

"You're lucky you have any customers at all," Cleo looked at him with a grin that could already be described as spiteful.

"Can you please stop arguing," Jessy whined in exasperation.

"You can't expect me to be positive about your friends when none of them have the guts to sincerely apologise to me."

"Phil...," Jessy pleaded.

"Surely none of you have any idea what 'it' means to be in custody. Especially not what it means in a town like this."

Phil rummaged at the counter for his pack of cigarettes. He quickly put a cigarette on his right ear and looked for his lighter. After locating this in his trouser pocket, he turned to Jessy.

"I'm going for a smoke."

"Wait, I'll come with you," Jessy replied, looking contemptuously at her friend.

Phil grumbled. "Whatever."

Then he turned to Cleo. "Don't even think about pouring yourselves free drinks. I've got cameras here."

"Phil," Jessy begged.

***

I had locked myself in one of the cabins.

Again...

I couldn't pin down the exact number of my little time-outs.

In a way, I didn't care.

I had to check my mobile phone without the others' prying eyes.

My messages to Jake remained unread.

Again my fingers typed three words, again I deleted them.

I couldn't even tell exactly what I was writing.

The words "I" and "you" were there. But whether the verb in the middle was "love" or "miss" I hadn't noticed.

It didn't matter...

Anyway, I lacked the courage to send this or the other message.

The pain felt was so great because my cry for help on his part went so unheeded.

My eyes were burning.

I had probably really used up my tear supply.

But that didn't ease my inner pain at all.

I was helpless.

My thoughts were jumping in a triangle without me being able to even begin to sort them out.

Jake...

Phil...

The man without a face...

Richy...

The group

Hannah....

I just didn't belong here. Or at least that's what it felt like at the moment.

Somewhere deep inside I knew that I was the problem.

As usual...

I knew I had to pull myself together.

That I was the mistake...

My behaviour today was proof of that. I had only been able to pull myself together for the testimony with Alan. Everything else I did today was pure crap.

All my ups and downs with Phil. Which I still didn't know what I wanted.

Well, actually, I did know what I wanted.

Jake…

I was like a petulant little toddler. Only because I couldn't have the one toy, I had taken another one.

Somehow hoping that the one toy would get so jealous and come back to me.

Which showed how awful I was.

I equated Jake and Phil as objects.

What was I doing here anyway?

Get out of Phil's way?

Get out of Jessy's way?

Get out of Hannah's way?

Probably all three of them. Although I didn't want to admit it to myself about the last one.

After all, she hadn't done anything to me.

Even though somehow she had...

On the other hand, Alan said that Hannah wasn't the one with my number.

So somehow it wasn't...

At least it didn't seem that Hannah could give me the answers to my questions.

Again, the fault was simply mine.

I was the one who didn't know how to deal with Hannah.

And on top of that, I made such a terrible show of myself and drowned in self-pity.

Hannah had such a hard fate...

She'd been the victim of a kidnapping.

Hannah had the right to behave the way I did.

I was wrong...

A mistake...

Why did Jessy and the others want me here in the first place?

***

"Why can't your friends all be like [MC]?", Phil took an aggressive drag on his cigarette. Fortunately, the young bartender had put his packet of cigarettes in his pocket at the last moment. So he had the pleasure of lighting another one after a few seconds.

Jessy, in turn, just shrugged her shoulders. This wasn't just because she didn't have an answer to her brother's rhetorical question. But also because he addressed her so suddenly after giving her the silent treatment during his first cigarette.

"Well. You weren't exactly fair to Cleo either. We wanted to-" Jessy spoke carefully and was at the same time harshly interrupted by Phil.

"Because of your little games, I think I can close down my business soon!"

"That's not fair Phil."

"No Jessy." his voice was softer, yet still aggressive. "You know very well how quickly you can lose your reputation around here."

Jessy looked down at the floor in approval and shame. Before Phil continued, he took another drag on his cigarette.

"I've already got my reputation here anyway. And -"

"Well, you only have yourself to blame for that," this time it was Jessy who interrupted her big brother.

"Am I?", to her amazement his voice was calm. "I don't remember having as many one-night stands as I'm rumoured to have."

His statement was met with a puzzled look on her part.

"Thank you.", Phil laughed out. "Even my sister thinks I'm a playboy."

"Well, you can't really be said to have had any long-term relationships at all" Jessy grumbled.

She was surprised when he responded to her words with a sad look. Phil, in turn, noticed her puzzled look, which is why he followed up with, "There was someone once."

"Really?"

***

"Phil is outrageous.", Cleo complained as she sat down at the table with Dan, Lilly, Thomas and Hannah.

"Nothing new.", Dan laughed up. "Too bad we don't have much choice here other than the Aurora."

"Well, [MC] doesn't seem to mind so much," Thomas alluded to her interaction with Phil. True, it wasn't her who was flirting directly with the bartender. However, even as a standout, there was no denying that she liked his come-ons.

Thomas' statement was commented on by Lilly with a grumble.

Irritated, Hannah looked at her younger sister.

"Seems like she's forgotten about Jake as well."

"Don't bring up Hackerboy again, Lilly," Dan said annoyed.

Lilly puffed out her cheeks and wanted to say something to him.

But Dan was quicker: "He's gotten cold feet so he's long gone!"

"He's not!" Lilly nagged back.

"Well, would be like him," Hannah confirmed in turn.

"At least someone's actually on my side in this," Dan grinned.

"Hey!", Cleo interjected, expressing that she wasn't exactly on Jake's side either. However, to be fair to her at least, she didn't have much contact with the Donfort sisters' half-brother.

"No, he wouldn't just disappear all over again," defiantly Lilly replied.

"Since when did you become the president of the Hackerboy's fan club?" asked Dan in his usual sarcasm.

"Since he helped find Hannah!", Lilly reminded the others of the trouble the young man had gone to in helping with the investigation.

Then she added meekly, "Besides, he would never do that to [MC]. He loves her."

"How could you be so sure?", It was Thomas who asked this question.

Lilly just shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know how to tell her friends that it was her instinct. She didn't have any clues about his whereabouts. She was also afraid that something had happened to him.

As her brother, he had just come into her life and couldn't be allowed to disappear again without a hitch.

Actually, Lilly had hoped that she could talk to [MC].

At least to her...

Jake's disappearance makes keeping his secret just unbearably hard.

The group had never really accepted him as part of it. And especially Dan's distrust of the hacker hadn't changed, despite the truth behind Mask.

Worst of all, [MC] also seemed to forget her boyfriend.

Or at least intended to...

Otherwise Lilly couldn't explain her friend's behaviour.

As soon as she was in Duskwood, she had removed Jake from the group and probably blocked him as well. And she didn't exactly seem disinterested in Phil...

However, then there was [MC]'s strange behaviour from noon, the way she had entered Jessy's flat. To say one could tell she was scared was an understatement. The panic was written all over her face.

But why?

***

"Why have I never met her?" Jessy inquired curiously a second time. But Phil's reaction remained the same. He took another drag on his cigarette and deliberately avoided his sister's pleading look.

"Phil!", Jessy insisted in reply.

" Won't talk about it!" he expressed defensively.

In Jessy's puzzled frown was also a hint of disappointment.

"Who knows, maybe things will work out between me and [MC]," Phil deliberately steered the subject.

Jessy's look told his plan had succeeded.

"But don't take advantage of her," a slightly angry look came over her face.

Phil coughed. His sister's statement had startled him so much that I choked on his cigarette smoke. He found it difficult to accept that his sister was also accusing him of more fleeting affairs than serious interest.

"I'm already seriously interested," he said unintentionally in a flippant voice.

"Really?", Jessy squealed happily.

Phil nodded.

Feeling nervous due to the silence, he took another drag on his cigarette before deciding to speak after all.

"We have already kissed each other today." His voice was calm and collected, but his youngest sister's reaction mirrored his inner feelings.

"Whaaaatttt?" she jumped up and down joyfully, clapping her hands as she did so.

Phil nodded in confirmation. He took another drag on his cigarette so as not to catch Jessy's euphoria.

"She didn't tell me anything about it," she now stated indignantly.

***

"Why are you so protective of Hackerboy?", Dan asked, when Lilly had emphasised once again the importance of the hacker's role in solving the case.

"I'm not!" chirped the woman addressed in an unusually high-pitched falsetto voice.

Dan raised an eyebrow. "What's with this guy? First [MC], now you?"

"I don't know for sure of what you mean," Lilly's voice was so high-pitched by now that people with high-pitched hearing loss probably couldn't hear it.

Not just Dan, but also her big sister almost struck Lilly with their sceptical looks. Desperately, she thought about how she could steer the topic in a completely different direction. The danger was too great that the truth would spill out of her after all. Lilly had already pressed her fingertips into her palms so many times, giving herself the impulse to keep quiet. In the current situation, not even Hannah was allowed to know that there was a third Donfort sibling.

"Where's Phil, anyway?" groaned Cleo, annoyed, staring into her empty glass. Lilly let a barely audible sigh of relief escape her throat. She briefly considered making a gesture of gratitude to her friend. But the fact that Cleo had probably only rescued her from her failed situation by pure chance prevented her from doing so.

"Yes, my glass is almost empty as well," so Lilly finally accepted the unintended help.

"Well, we can leave for my sake," said Thomas, whose frustrated eyes were staring at his three-quarter-full glass of water.

Automatically, with a puzzled look, Lilly turned to her brother-in-law-to-be. It slowly dawned on the young blonde woman that Cleo's complaint was not entirely without ulterior motive.

She and Thomas had demonstrated strongly when Jessys had announced the evening's outing. But they couldn't plausibly object to the knockout argument that was [MC]'s wish. Admittedly, Lilly had wondered at first, but the interaction between Phil and her friend explained a lot. And Lilly didn't like it at all.

"I'm going to the bathroom," her big sister's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Thomas, I can manage on my own," Lilly had only just noticed that Hannah had been communicating with her friend in an annoyed tone all evening.

Understandable, considering the circumstances from Hannah's point of view. Thomas had been keeping a particularly protective eye on his friend. Which is why he had stood up right away when Hannah announced her intention.

But looking at the whole situation from Hannah's eyes, it was rather depriving of freedom. He followed her at every turn. Maybe she could have lived with it if Thomas had dealt with the reason for her being kidnapped.

But he didn't.

Worse than anything, he denied her murder of Jennifer.

Just like everyone else...

Actually, Hannah was surprised that her friends had accepted this strange girl into their circle of friends. Voluntary proof that her kidnapping had actually taken place.

Hannah's explanation was that this was just a way for her friends to hide Richy's abstinence. That's why they all expected her to treat this stranger like her closest childhood friend.

The whole situation made Hannah's mind boil inside.

"I'll manage on my own," she had lost control of her emotions for this flippant sentence. At the same time, Hannah earned the puzzled looks of her friends.

"I just wanted to...", Thomas mumbled ruefully like a beaten dog.

"I'll be fine.", there it was again: Hannah's mask of friendliness and cheerfulness. A masquerade that again appeased everyone and made her deny the past events.

It was disgusting!

***

My dry eyes burned from looking at my mobile phone display. The messages were still unread. It was no longer just my broken heart that ached in this reality. A suffering that had now reached its climax. It slowly made me perceive my reality again.

I switch off the mobile phone.

The first step against my self-imposed ordeal. Back on my feet, I unlocked the cabin door. The creaking of my cabin door drowned out that of the entrance door to the sanitary facilities.

Startled, I stared into Hannah's green-grey eyes after I stepped out of my toilet cabin, lost in thought. Her equally startled expression revealed that she had not expected my presence either.

For a few seconds we just stared at each other motionlessly. Hannah was the first one to move. She hesitantly walked to the washbasin. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her open the tap. Because of our silence, the sound of the water tap echoed through the room.

So unbearably loud...

My thoughts wandered to the Grimrock waterfall, while I just stood there rooted to the spot. Undecided what my next step should be.

Wasn't I supposed to be looking for Jake at the Grimrock?

Or at least some sign of him?

Why had I scrapped that plan?

Why had I come to Duskwood in the first place?

And wasn't Hannah washing her hands for an irrationally long time?

Surely she was just waiting for the right moment to unload her emotional baggage on me.

Just like everyone else did...

[MC] - involuntary therapist and detective.

Overwhelmed with the situation and driven by my thoughts of escape, I mumbled, "Bye." To my amazement, I heard her sigh of relief.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Brothers

Jessy was still jumping up and down excitedly because her brother had told her about the romantic kiss between him and her best friend. Inwardly, she celebrated herself all the more for having asked Phil to keep [MC] busy during the party preparation phase. Somehow she had already nurtured the ulterior motive. But she didn't hold out a lot of hope. Phil wasn't exactly known for his long and intense relationships.

And [MC] was so attached to that creepy guy.

Jake…

Jessy was still undecided about her opinion of him.

Like the most of the group....

The way he had threatened you remained unforgotten. And Lilly was the first one to forget.

And [MC] had never cared....

As infatuated as she'd always been with him....

Sure, that Jake-Guy had helped find Hannah. Admittedly, he had also played a very big part in it.

But the question remained: why?

The click of the lighter jolted her out of her thoughts.

Maybe [MC] would manage to break him of this unhealthy habit.

" That's like, what, the fourth now?" she asked suspiciously.

"The third," Phil replied annoyed.

"In two minutes.", Jessy giggled light-heartedly. Her strategy to bring up an uncomfortable subject but without provoking an argument. Usually it worked. But increasingly rarely with Phil. This time she seemed to have been lucky. Her older brother just took a drag on his cigarette and exhaled the smoke. Not even provokingly deliberately in her face, as he usually did in such a situation.

***

I stumbled out of the women's toilet. Ignored the words of my friends. I glanced briefly at the bar counter without knowing why I was doing so. The sound of the tap was still in my head.

Grimrock...

Jake...

I opened the heavy entrance door. A cold breeze enveloped me. The senses must have set a while ago. However, the moon could only give a little light through the thick dark clouds. On top of that, being a child of the big city, I was used to a larger frame of light pollution. With several blinks, my eyes tried to adapt to the darkness.

"[MC]?", I heard Phil's astonished voice from the right side. Automatically I turned to him. I couldn't help but look at Jessy's grinning face. Somehow, in an indescribable way, it frightened me.

" Did you try to find my brother?" she said in a tone that confirmed my fear. Confused, I looked first at her and then at Phil.

"Phil told me about the kiss you two had," she explained, with a friendly elbow jab to my side, the reason she spoke so in matchmaking mode.

Phil's eye roll indicated to me that he didn't seem particularly enthusiastic either.

"I just wanted to get some fresh air," my voice was emotionless. A wonder, considering the emotional chaos the memories of the kiss triggered in me.

My alcohol level, highlighted by the change from warm to cold, did the rest.

I suddenly felt so warm inside, almost burning hot. This was reflected in the telltale blush on my cheeks. And then there was Phil's mischievous smile. It was my heart that I was currently at war with.

Why did it have to beat so treacherously?

My brain was at least still trying to get me to concentrate on the essentials.

The sound of water...

Waterfall...

Grimrock...

Jake...

I wanted to look for him...

I had to look for him....

But the rest of mine betrayed me. I was dizzy

Damn alcohol...

"Are you alright?", Phil breathed into my ear and goosebumps covered my whole body.

"I just had a drink a bit too much," I explained my swaying gait. But my cheeks, which were as flushed as an apple, still didn't explain in the least.

"You had a fair draught too."

Phil had noticed my rapid consumption of alcohol.

No wonder...

He was a good bartender and always concerned about keeping me supplied.

"What am I meant to do against free drinks?" I tried to cover my weakness with a joke. Phil flicked his cigarette on the floor.

"I'd better get you a glass of water instead," he said in a soft, caring voice. "And if in doubt, you can sober up upstairs in my flat."

However, I wanted to decline his offer with a friendly smile. Except Jessy beat me to it.

"Oh Phil, that's sweet. [MC] accepts the kind invitation."

Damn, I was too drunk to strangle Jessy.

"Jessy?" I heard Phil's annoyed voice. In the next moment I spied him gently pushing her towards the front door. So I found myself standing alone with Phil in front of the Aurora.

***

Jessy couldn't be much prouder of herself. It was all going so much better than she could have imagined. Her new best friend had literally stormed out of the bar in looking for her brother. Determined, she headed for the one table with visitors.

"Phil seems to be about to close the bar," she said to her friends, grinning broadly.

"That's fine with me," Cleo commented snappishly.

***

"Don't listen to Jessy," he said as he rummaged in his pocket for his packet of cigarettes.

"It was just an offer with no hidden agenda.", and the next moment he was already lighting a cigarette.

"No hidden agenda.", I repeated in first line wonderment as to why he had emphasised this so much.

"I know the way your friends talk about me," he grumbled.

I lowered my eyes as I leaned against the wall.

" Women are just the easiest customers".

Confused, I looked at him.

"I don't want to lump everyone together, but my male clientele becomes more aggressive and pushier as their alcohol consumption increases."

I chuckled in my sweetest voice at his chosen expression.

" and the minute you let a girl who's had too much to drink sleep on the couch so she doesn't get hurt on the way home, you're a womanizer."

I looked at him with wide eyes. I was silent for a moment.

"But you said you thought Hannah wanted to..." more words left my mouth the more I stammered.

"I never said I was a saint either," his voice was dry. "And there's nothing wrong with a consensual one-night stand."

I nodded mutely. Embarrassed, I lowered my gaze. As if I was unprejudiced. Despite my positive first impression, I had let myself be blinded. By all the comments of the others.

Jake's jealousy...

"Sorry I told you about the kiss," not only his voice but also his tense posture showed that he was nervous. And suddenly I realised that Phil's advances weren't just empty phrases. He seemed to be genuinely interested in me.

That gaze...

My heart raced in my chest. Again, scraps of thoughts flew back and forth through my head.

What if Jake was just getting cold feet after all?

After I snapped that thought, a puzzle fell into place.

The wrong thing...

If he wasn't even responding to my cries for help because he was deliberately ignoring me or to put it in teenage terms: Ghosted me...

And I would push away the man who was really interested in me.

Who was there...

" That's okay," I murmured, actually much too late. Still, my words conjured a smile on his seductive lips.

I didn't want to be alone anymore...

He flicked his cigarette on the floor.

All I wanted was to feel a little closeness....

With a jerk I detached myself from the supporting wall. The alcohol not only dulled my senses, but also influenced my way of thinking unnoticed.

Just to feel some physical closeness...

"Careful.", Phil said lovingly and supported me. I in turn smiled shyly at him. "I hope you aren't mad at me about that kiss...", his voice was just a whisper now.

An erotic whisper....

At least in my perception. Phil and the alcohol managed to flip all my switches to flirt mode.

Why should I wait until never-never for Jake?

  And if Jake would still take pity on me and grace me with his presence, then even more so if I got closer to his hated bartender....

So if I was finally going to see him, I had to....

"Maybe I should take you up on your offer," I said in a particularly sweet voice. To emphasise my intention, I snuggled closer to him. And then I saw him, the flush on his cheeks.

The expression of his embarrassment...

Where had his self-confident manner gone?

He swallowed nervously and then opened his mouth briefly. But he had probably not reckoned with my brain in high-function mode. Within milliseconds, the following trains of thought had been processed by me. First, I had noticed that the alcohol made me seem more confident.

Made me bolder....

Then there were the cocktails Sex on the Beach....

Phil had deliberately given me the drink with the suggestive name after all....

Sex...

He wanted it...

I wanted it...?

I would get it...!

If Jake wanted to stop my sexy bed adventure with Mr. Aurora, he should show up now!

***

The group, driven by Cleo and Thomas, had quickly cleaned up the bar. Except for Dan, who, with his seat in the wheelchair, finally found a perfect excuse not to take part in all the cleaning activities. Not even the ones he could have done with ease.

For Lilly, Dan was always like a big protective brother. And maybe that was the reason why his laziness had never bothered her.

Men are like that...

Dan is like that...

But now it had made her nervous. Again and again her eyes had wandered to the front door.

What was [MC] doing with Phil so long?

Alone...

"I'll let [MC] know," she overplayed her nervousness as the rest of the group were in the final stages of getting ready to leave.

"Oh, never mind.", Jessy fluted cheerfully. Dan's disdainful snort was the first reaction to these words. But Jessy was not deterred by this. She continued to flute cheerfully, "We should give these two some time together."

This time Dan added an eye roll to his contemptuous snort.

With a gulp, Lilly summoned the courage she needed, "But [MC] is with Jake." But she couldn't hide the anxious tremor in her voice after all. Only the others didn't really seem to share her concern.

As feared...

"Oh, is that so?", the younger Hannah's wound was also in those sarcastic words.

"Yeah, where's Hackerboy, then?", Dan in turn just wanted to provoke.

"Jake had his reasons.", it was almost like a mantra that Lilly kept repeating down at her sister. A routine that this time made her forget the word definitely.

A mistake that was met with a sceptical look from her older sister. The nervousness in Lilly's body only allowed one conclusion: escape outside.

The young woman had to talk to [MC] now, before the others could still pry Jake's secret out of her.

***

I couldn't tell, but I found myself in passionate tongue play with Phil.

Somehow...

It wasn't just my thoughts that felt empty. Everything, especially Phil's touches and kisses felt so surreal. As if none of this was happening right now.

As if I wasn't present...

And somehow it just felt so good. Finally this unbearable pain had dissolved. In comparison, the loss of the more beautiful feelings was just a small price to pay.

All this was merely the proof I had lost hope of a happy ending for far too long.

And an ending together with Phil was still better than the fact that I would have to deal with myself forever.

Phil pressed me closer to the wall. His lips against my ear whispered : "I have condoms upstairs." Again we kissed, his hand sliding further up the inside of my thigh.

Where the hell was Jake?

A shrill scream, which had the same syllables as my name, interrupted Phil's and my activity. To elaborate, Phil let go of me and I stood there disoriented and staggering.

Kind of in the nothingness...

I didn't even hear Jessy rush out of the Aurora because of Lilly's shocked scream. Nor did I hear Lilly's accusation that I was about to cheat on my boyfriend.

"You have a boyfriend?!", Phil's hurt voice slowly brought me back to reality.

His offended expression was the first thing I noticed again. And this image burned itself into my memory with an unbearable pain.

What had happened?

What had I done?

The next moment I heard the door to Aurora close.

"[MC]?! What were you thinking?" Lilly's reproaches began to rain down on me.

"Let her be!", Jessy nagged back.

"Doesn't Jake mean anything to you anymore?" returned Lilly.

"Jake doesn't seem to have any interest! My brother does!"

They both took on the role of angel and devil on my shoulders.

These moral quandaries voiced by them were like knife wounds. And the pain that had disappeared only a few seconds ago burst upon me in such massive strength.

"Stop trying to hook me up as one of your brothers," I roared out my despair. With brisk steps, I walked past my two friends. I had to get away. Just away.

Somewhere.

I just couldn't be here anymore.

So I walked into the night of Duskwood just as carelessly as my words before.

***

His gaze turned to the cloudy night sky. A deep sigh escaped his dry throat. One leg lay on the dusty forest floor. The other was bent. His back and the back of his head were leaning against the thick tree trunk. Despite the summer months, the nights were still cold. But his optimism showed in the fact that he was very relieved that it had stayed dry for at least the last few days.

But as he looked at the clouds, he knew that it wouldn't stay like this for much longer.

At least some drinking water...

The growling of his stomach made him look in his backpack for something to eat.

He quickly found what he was looking for.

An apple...

The last remnant of his petty theft. He knew it was wrong. That it had been risky. But as he had strolled past the big apple tree, his empty stomach had taken over. And the next moment he had seen himself climbing over the garden fence.

Although it could have endangered everything.

Everything he was doing for her...

Otherwise he wouldn't have been able to do it either.

There was nothing and no one who meant so much to him that he didn't bother about any of this.

On the contrary, he was happy to do it.

Just for the chance to see her one day, even if only for a few minutes.

That would be enough for him.

It wasn't that he dreamt of other things too.

Making eye contact for once...

To see her smile once...

Being able to hold her in his arms just once....

Maybe really being able to kiss her just once....

But he didn't allow himself to imagine anything like that....

This was too much to hope for.

Being able to see her at least once would be enough for him.

It would be more than enough.

And for that, all that he was currently going through was a small price to pay in comparison.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: Jennifer

There I was, in the middle of the night, somewhere in Duskwood.

Barefoot...

And to add to the misery, the broken heel of my left shoe had given me a graze on my knee.

The positive side effect of my disorientation was the small chance that the others wouldn't find me.

How could they when I didn't even know where I was?

 But I wish I'd just had a real destination, a place where I finally felt like I'd settled in.

My heart knew this place.

Except there was no way to just type Jake into Google Maps and in the blink of an eye I'd be there.

Well, not that I hadn't tried. Although not that evening.

I unfortunately left my mobile phone in the Aurora. Otherwise I would certainly have arrived at Grimrock Waterfall by now.

It was my only clue to Jake's whereabouts and the only reason I had embarked on the journey to Duskwood in the first place.

Rude behaviour on my part...

I was aware of that, and that's why I hated myself even more at this point.

The others were my friends.

They really were important to me. And I wouldn't have wanted to be without them.

But as much as the investigation into Hannah's abduction had brought us closer together, the bond between me and Jake had simply become much stronger.

It hurt me so much that the others reminded me of Jake so much more.

And especially Lilly.

 I still wasn't even certain whether it was the fact that she was his half-sister or that Jake's riddle had simply helped the friendship between me and her.

At the same time, I wondered whether I should be grateful to her for bringing me back down to earth in such a harsh way. Or, on to the contrary, because she had deprived me of the chance to forget my pain for at least one night.

However, the reality was that I was in the middle of a sea of shards of my mistakes. And if I reflected deeply, I knew that this mistake wasn't tonight, wasn't the answer to Thomas' message, it was simply my birth.

A mistake which didn't even dare to eliminate itself....

In contrast, a mistake that still hoped for a happy ending.

Since when did the villains get a happy ending?

And I was nothing else...

I had willingly put my friends in danger while sitting safely in my own place.

I had turned the love of my life to the FBI...

I had allowed Richy to commit suicide.

I had taken his and Jake's deaths lying down.

That's not the way a hero act...

In any case, it was absurd to believe I was on the side of the good ones.

Wasn't it proof enough that I had destroyed my parents' love by being born?

Why was I still trying so desperately to hide this fact?

I was and always will be a monster in human form...

There were far too many tears running down my cheeks. I could barely breathe in my lungs.

I drowned in my despair...

Unfortunately, I knew that this wouldn't be the end.

I had been in similar situations too many times before.

And I was still here...

With all my pain...

A never-ending pain.

As my father had once said...

"You're really just too stupid to kill yourself!"

Even the nurse wasn't spared from his rage.

Foolish of her...

And then she was stubborn enough not to want to understand the problem I had caused my parents with my youthful recklessness.

My ears caught the sound of a motorised vehicle.

Was this perhaps the opportunity?

I didn't feel like my feet dared to take the step, but I heard the squeal of braking tyres.

Had I already become so oblivious to my surroundings that I no longer even sensed my own death?

"[MC], oh for goodness sake! I've found you," said a relieved male voice as the car door opened.

I closed my eyes briefly, just a noticeable blink, but it felt like billions of years were passing me by.

"Wait, I've got some bandages in the car," he said in a caring tone. "For your knee."

The first thing I noticed were the orange warning lights of the white van with the black logo.

"Phil....," I mumbled as he sat me down on the park bench. He gripped my left calf.

"Sorry, this is going to hurt a bit," he said quietly and the next moment I heard the click of the disinfectant spray. Reflexively, my face contorted into a pained expression, but I didn't really sense it. Strangely he looked at me as if he knew I'd merely applied it.

I followed him sceptically as he carefully removed the dirt on my wound and covered it with a band-aid. Even when he went back to his car to fetch a small bottle of water, I followed every step he took with my eyes.

My expression turned more confusing when he handed me the bottle of water with the affectionate hint that I needed to significantly increase my alcohol intake.

"Why are you here?" I whispered and took the open bottle of water.

"You ran away. We were worried," he replied gently and calmly and sat down next to me on the park bench.

I flinched, startled, which got me an irritated look from Phil. I turned my eyes away and whispered: "Why are you here?"

"It's the middle of the night, you're drunk in a city you don't know. Of course we were worried that something might happen to you."

"But you must hate me," in the middle of my words I was overcome with despair and a flood of tears ran down my cheeks.

"No," he smiled gently and put his hand on my back to comfort me.

"But why?" I cried bitterly.

"Why should I?" His voice was as gentle and loving as the touch he held me to him.

"Because-" I sobbed, without really having an explanation.

Probably because there were just too many reasons to justify the hatred and contempt for me.

I heard Phil inhale sharply.

"Lilly told me about your boyfriend," the words came out of his mouth with effort. "Kind of."

I couldn't help staring at him with big eyes. Luckily, he had averted his eyes from me.

“I'm sorry,” I mumbled resolutely. After a brief moment of silence, I continued calmly: "About us... I shouldn't have ... It was just..."

" It was just bloody lonely," he interrupted me absently.

Again silence.

Despite it feeling like an eternity, it wasn't long before Phil interrupted the silence again: "I know what that feels like," and although his voice was empty, the pain could be felt in every syllable. It was precisely this fact that piqued my interest.

My wide-open eyes stared at him almost instinctively. Just as instinctively as I knew this information would be important. I also knew that I was almost forcing him to tell me with my penetrating gaze. Which made it all the more maddening that Phil didn't say anything.

"I don't think you understand it at all," I reflected my thoughts exactly. Nevertheless, it was a move to get Phil to talk. His sigh revealed that my tactic had been successful.

"My girlfriend Jennifer Han-" he began.

"Hanson," I beeped, startled. For a millisecond, Phil was irritated. In the spark of an instant, I realised that Phil didn't necessarily know what Hannah had done.

"I'm so sorry, Phil."

He nodded silently before responding: " She only went to Pine Glade because of me"

Phil paused to speak, only to light a cigarette. With his current consumption, the cigarettes were probably more of an emotional support than anything else. I guess my eyes must have carried this thought outward, he said, "You know, I've never talked to anyone about this." He exhaled.

" Neither with Jessy?"

"Especially not with Jessy," the corners of his mouth twisted into a slight smile. "We were even less connected back then as we are now."

"I see."

"I don't think my sisters even knew I had a girlfriend."

Jessy had told me she and Phil had a difficult relationship back then, but the fact that she didn't even notice that her brother had a relationship with the missing girl seemed more than surreal to me. Especially if it was a romantic relationship.

" However, I think Michael, Jennifer's father, had a hunch." 

I raised an eyebrow. "So nobody knew anything about you two," I emphasised my suspicion with this statement. To my amazement, Phil laughed. "You grew up in the city, didn't you?"

Grumbling in acknowledgement, I was angry that he was making me out to be a cosy city kid. "Everyone knows everyone in Duskwood. Everyone's easy to gossip. Which is one of the reasons why Jennifer hated it here so much," he said wistfully, taking a drag from his cigarette. Again, it occurred to me how attractive he was. I swallowed nervously.

'You remind me of her, you know," Phil smiled gently, making my heart beat faster for a brief moment. Then I felt the pain that had been my only motivation lately. A few tears ran down my cheeks. "It's my fault, you know," my voice was just a breath. As if something inside me was preventing me from saying it out loud. Phil obviously understood every word, though, because he replied firmly: "No!"

"He wanted to protect me. That's why he went to Grimrock. I was supposed to go. Richy wanted me to come. Except we thought it was Michael. And that he wanted to kill me. It was just Richy, actually. He would never have harmed me. I overlooked something. I wish I'd paid more attention, none of this would have happened. Jake wouldn't have needed to leave, and he'd still be..." I didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Still alive?

There was still the possibility he was in prison.

Was this really any better?

In any case, I wasn't allowed to say a word to Phil about the FBI. It was enough that I had already revealed Jake's name. Plus, more or less Jessy, that he was the brother of the Danfort sisters."[MC], it's not your fault! That was his decision! Not yours!" Phil dragged on his cigarette so he didn't have to take his intense gaze off me.

" It is important that you understand that. It's not your fault. It never was. You're not responsible for anyone else's decision." His comforting words hurt so much. I didn't want to hear it.

Who else, if it wasn't me?

My interference had led to the showdown in Grimrock in the first place.

If I'd just ignored Thomas's message...

Hannah had never been in any serious danger. "No," I contradicted automatically in a loud voice. So loud Phil and I were flinching.

"It's not easier, I know," he replied again in the same melancholy tone.

"It's better to hate one's self and think one deserves it," he paused for a moment. "Or rather that you don't deserve happiness."

I averted my eyes. Hearing this truth made everything inside me tighten painfully. I had deserved all of this. The next moment, however, I found myself in Phil's arms. Deep in this moment of unfinished thoughts and the protective embrace, I could no longer hold my tears back.

"Actually, the opposite is the case." he said gently. "Someone like you, who acted so selflessly, deserves the greatest happiness."

Phil continued to gently rub my back and stayed silent until I calmed down again.

"Do you know what the worst thing about it is?" I said quietly when I had released myself from the embrace.

The wickedness in his smile with the cigarette on his lips. Not only my beating heart reacted to it. Instead, even my female parts remembered that they were actually preparing for a special night with Mr Aurora. The fact that Phil was so empathetic made it even harder for my brain to keep everything under control.

"Take already," he said calmly. Nevertheless, it also contained a small hint of seduction. Or maybe I was just imagining it. Anyway, I pulled a cigarette out of his packet. As soon as I had it in my mouth, Phil lit it. Even before he did with his.

I could barely savour the disgusting taste of my first cigarette because I was overwhelmed by a terrible coughing fit. To Phil's delight. He smiled broadly at me and said: "I felt the same way with my first cigarette."

"Then why did you start in the first place?" my voice sounded snappier than intended. But after the second drag, as the calming effect of the nicotine flowed through my body, I understood the benefits of smoking.

Phil guessed from the look on my face. He smiled at me and said: "That's the reason!" He also took another drag on his cigarette. "Well, and because I wanted to rebel as a teenager for the hell sakes." He seemed cheerful for a moment, but then his expression saddened again. "Until I met Jennifer."

Phil stopped and looked melancholically at the sky. " I know it sounds really cheesy. But with her, my world was no longer gloomy and dark. I was still angry with my mum for leaving me and my sisters behind, annoyed by my grandma's old-fashioned views and I don't know what else." He took a deep breath. "It was all just easier to bear with Jennifer."

My eyes turned to Phil and so many things went through my head which I could have said to him. However, I remained silent. The feeling he had described was exactly what I had with Jake. Everything that was going wrong in my life would still be there but knowing that Jake was around made it bearable. And that explained the emptiness I'd felt since his disappearance.

Although I have to admit that Phil helped me feel a slightly happier.

Probably it was knowing that there was someone who could understand my feelings to a certain extent. That same uncertainty I felt right now. Only with the difference of him experiencing the one thing I was most afraid of.

If Jake, like Jennifer, was found dead at some point.

In the meantime, ten years later, Phil seemed completely at peace with her death.

I wonder if I could ever do that?

To be able to move on at some point?

That would mean...

That thought had become lodged in my head. I hastily finished the cigarette. Then I threw it on the floor.

"Phil, can you do me a favour?"

He looked at me for a moment, confused, before answering: "Yeah, sure..."

"Take me to Grimrock!"

Chapter Text

"Take me to Grimrock"

*****************************

At least if Phil understood me, as he claimed, then he had to do me this favour. Which is why his heavy sigh irritated me.

"Phil, please!" I begged, staring at him piercingly. But he avoided my gaze. Instead, he gazed thoughtfully into the darkness.

"Please, I have to go there," was my next attempt to convince him.

"I see" he said in a strangely calm tone.

" Well, Let's go." My euphoria quickly awoke.

"No", with this harsh word I got brought back down to earth.

"Why?" I had tears in my eyes once again.

"It's the middle of the night. You're drunk." As Phil spoke, he glanced at my feet. "And you're not even wearing shoes."

"I don't care"

"But I care!"

"Phil," I said reproachfully, "I thought you would understand me."

"I do!"

" Why wouldn't you help me if you did?"

Phil snorted. "It's far too dangerous!"

"Because it's night?" My euphoria had returned. "Then let's go tomorrow!"

"[MC]..." Phil exhaled sadly.

"Please!"

" Even in daylight, it's too dangerous..."

" I have to take the risk." My counterpart remained silent.

"Phil," I pleaded.

I heard him sigh heavily: "The mines are in serious danger of collapsing."

" It's fine if you drop me off there. I'll go in on my own."

"That's not the point!" Phil's voice had changed to a more serious tone.

I snorted angrily. Phil's opinion didn't change: "Something could happen to you! And as much as I understand your motives, I can't do you this favour. I'm sorry."

" What happens to me, it's none of your business!" I shouted my despair at him.

" It's not," he said calmly. "Look at the whole thing from my point of view. I've already lost one, actually two, people who were important to me. So I'm just supposed to stand by and watch you run to your destruction?"

He made a short speaking pause. Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to say anything. "And then for what? Just to give you a trauma so that, in the worst case, you're the one who finds your boyfriend's dead body?"

"Maybe..." was the only word I could get out through my tears.

Phil smiled gently. "He certainly couldn't have survived two months down there without food."

His words cut off my breath.

"I'm sorry. I can understand you wanting to find him. But it's too dangerous at Grimrock, and especially in the mines. And that's for an answer you don't actually want."

My eyes couldn't stop crying. Gently, Phil pats my back.

" Not that I wouldn't want to help you. But I can't support the fact that you're putting yourself in senseless danger. I'm sure your boyfriend would agree with me."

A slight smile formed at one side of my mouth. Jake would agree. After all, he was always eager to protect me. Having to agree with Phil's statement, however, was something Jake could barely tolerate without grumbling.

"Can I get another cigarette?" Phil looked at me in irritation after I had asked him.

"Yeah, sure," he finally said and handed me the packet. I took a cigarette and Phil lit it for me once again. This time it didn't taste so awful.

"Jake would agree with you," I said calmly, exhaling the cigarette smoke. " He just went into that stupid mine to protect me in the first place." I paused for a moment to take another drag of my cigarette. "I'm so angry with him!"

Phil's reaction was a slight, tender chuckle. "I sent Jennifer angry messages back then because I thought she'd stood me up," he spoke as he rummaged for his cigarettes. "Even after it was obvious she'd really disappeared. I didn't want to believe that. So I convinced myself that she'd just not shown up at her father's place just because she was ashamed of having stood me up. As time went on, I blamed her for not letting me pick her up."

Phil lit himself a cigarette. "'Cause I didn't want to admit how angry I was with myself." He took a drag on his cigarette. "So [MC], why are you angry with yourself?"

""Because I knew all along something was going to happen to him."" I drew in a sharp breath. "I should have been more insistent that he didn't go."

Phil smiled gently at me. "You already told me that." I frowned in confusion. "I don't know to what you're leading up to."

"I'm not getting to anything in particular. Actually, I just want you to analyse your feelings."

I looked at the floor. "Hm...? Perhaps it's because I've spent the last two months lying in my flat like a miserable heap instead of doing something about it. I probably should of travelled to Duskwood a lot sooner."

"You don't have to find an answer right now. I suppose it's a good start, though. Still, can I ask why you felt you should have travelled earlier?" Phil sighed before continuing, "Don't get me wrong, but you don't exactly seem happy."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I should probably take care of the others much sooner!"

"Even though you're obviously in such a bad mood?" Phil asked worriedly.

I shrugged my shoulders again.

My feelings didn't really matter?

"And don't tell me your feelings are irrelevant," Phil said, as if he had read my thoughts. "It's commendable you want to try and support the rest of us. But since you're obviously in such a bad mood, you should have said that you needed a little relaxation with your friends."

Lost in thought, I took a drag on my cigarette and looked at him with emptiness in my eyes.

I didn't know what I had earned to deserve to get a happy time.

After all the drama I had caused in the last few days!

Which I had caused my whole life...

And above all, the suffering I had brought upon my supposed friends!!! Just by interfering in Hannah's missing case. I was surprised they didn't hate me.

They should...

They had to!

I was the one who was to blame for everything!

"I can't ignore these things!" Phil snapped me out of my thoughts with a harsh tone. " With Michael, I did, until one day I found his will in the Aurora."

I could see the feelings of guilt in his brown eyes.

"He was there for me all the time, even though his guilt was burning him up from the inside. Maybe that's why he was so eager to help me get back on my feet."

"So Michael is really dead..." I whispered to myself.

"Yes," Phil replied curtly. I could feel his skeptical gaze resting on me.

My heart was racing nervously. But this time it wasn't because of the sexual tension between us. To be fair, it had disappeared completely in nothing.

" May I ask you something?" I nodded, even though Phil's question was meant to be rhetorical.

"The Michael you expected to see at Grimrock instead of Richy might have been Michael Hanson?"

Again, I nodded briefly in confirmation.

"May I ask why you suspect him?" Phil also meant this question rhetorically. Nevertheless, or precisely because I didn't want to answer this question, I shook my head vehemently.

"When I was arrested, I was told that I was a prime suspect because of my connection to Michael Hanson."

"I had nothing to do with it," I squeaked, shocked. " It was just because- " I started, but I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

"Because Amy was found at Jennifer's memorial stone?" Phil asked.

"Yes?", unintentionally my voice was more questioning than authoritative as I had planned.

" Isn't it something more?" Phil said calmly. I nodded. "And you don't want to tell me?" Phil concluded based on my reaction.

I shook my head: " Not like that."

I couldn't breathe easily all of a sudden. Out of the blue, the memory of the attack on Jessy at night flashed in my mind's eye.

It was all my fault!

I had made everything worse.

"I'm just not the right person to tell you the whole truth," I lied more to myself than to Phil.

He looked at me. However, my mind kept replaying the scenes of the man without a face, Richy, attacking Jessy from behind.

I gasped for air. "It's all my fault!" This statement earned me an irritated look from Phil.

"Your sister was attacked because of me! Just to stop me from investigating further! I shouldn't have ignored it any more! If I had, Richy would never have had to raise suspicions about you. You'd never have gone to jail!" I gushed.

" Hey, hold on!" Phil interrupted me. "[MC], wait a minute. None of this is your fault!"

"Yes it is!" I sobbed. "My meddling only provoked the whole thing."

"You just wanted to help..." Phil tried to comfort me.

"That's all Richy wanted too!"

"By kidnapping Hannah?" Phil asked skeptically.

"Yes!" I managed to get out before my tears choked my voice.

Phil, confused by my words, gently patted my back. As I began to calm down again, Phil asked lovingly: "You're beautiful and clever, but I can't understand you without the context. Would you like to explain it to me?"

I wrinkled my nose in response. Phil, in turn, smiled at me just as lovingly as he had spoken to me.

I wiped my tears away. Admittedly, it was a superfluous action as my eyes immediately filled with the salty liquid again.

"I'm so sorry, Phil," I began. He deserved the truth. Even if I wasn't the right person to reveal facts to him. But I had reasonable doubts as to whether he would ever find out the whole story of his girlfriend's accidental death otherwise.

Since I'd made this decision, the images of Jessy's attack had disappeared from my mind's eye.

Once again, I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Next, I started babbling frantically: "Richy insisted he, Hannah and Amy confess. He had given Hannah the AMC Gremlin ten years ago. And Hannah did...she did..."

I gasped in panic.

"Hannah hit Jennifer?" Phil added questioningly in an unusually calm tone.

I nodded in confirmation. " Thanks for telling me." Phil's voice remained calm.

We remained silent. Through the uncomfortable silence, I could hear my breaths rushing.

"And that's why you thought Michael is behind all of this," Phil finally concluded, breaking the silence.

Again, I nodded in confirmation. To my surprise, he grinned. "If you knew Michael, you'd know how absurd that thought is." I shrugged my shoulders.

"You're not mad at me?" I asked after a few seconds of silence.

"I don't see any reason to be mad at you. About nothing you've told me tonight."

"But..." I began, sobbing.

"I'm grateful to you for telling me the truth. Even though it was so obviously difficult for you." He fumbled for his cigarettes again. But this time he automatically handed me one too. "Otherwise I would probably never have found out."

He lights my cigarette, then his.

"Maybe Hannah wanted to tell you when she asked you about the bracelet," I wondered out loud

""Which bracelet?" Phil said, puzzled. "Hannah definitely never spoke to me about Jennifer."

I swallowed nervously. "Hannah found out that you'd left Jennifer's bracelet at the pawnbrokers. Which is why she wanted to meet you."

I was silent for a few seconds. "Why did you hand it in to the pawnbroker in the first place?"

"I thought it was about time I got closure on her death." Phil paused for a moment. "Still, I kind of kept a loophole open by only dropping it off at Mr. Oakley's."

Lost in thought, I took a drag on my cigarette. "You haven't moved on yet, have you?"

Phil smiled at me with sad eyes.

" Does anyone ever do so?" His voice was melancholy.

"I don't think so," I replied in the same tone.

We remained silent until the end of the cigarette. I was grateful for Phil's honesty. Even though I would probably never get over Jake's disappearance, his supposed death, it was comforting to think that it would eventually become somewhat bearable.

At some point in the distant future...

But on the other hand, knowing I would never really get over it was a relief. I was never going to allow myself to forget Jake. Or even my feelings for him.

"Thanks, Phil," I said as I tossed the cigarette stub on the ground. "For everything, I guess."

He smiled at me. "That's what you have friends for."

I nodded.

" I should get you to your friends soon," Phil said as he stood up.

"Yeah, I guess so," I sighed.

"You can spend the night at my place as well... And don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch and let you have my bed, like a gentleman."

My expression went blank without me noticing. Phil grinned broadly at me. "You're afraid he might walk by my apartment tomorrow morning and come to the wrong conclusion, aren't you?"

Ashamed, I looked down.

"Life can have the craziest coincidences." Phil held out his hand to help me stand up. " Well, I'd better take you to the lodge to see your friend."

We climbed into Phil's van. He didn't miss the opportunity to open the passenger door for me, though. Before we drove off, he called Jessy on his hands-free phone.

"Oh my God, Phil! Please tell me you've found her," his little sister literally screamed into the phone.

" Yeah, don't worry. She's fine as well. "

"Thank you, Phil," I heard Jessy sob.

A guilty conscience flooded my body and I couldn't stop myself from crying again.

What a terrible person I was to have caused my friends such worry...

"[MC]!!!" Jessy screamed my name as Phil put his hand on my thigh to reassure me.

"I'm going to the hut right now. I'll see you there." Without waiting for an answer, he hung up.

"Are you all right?" he asked when he started the engine a few minutes later.

"Yes," I said curtly.

"It's okay that you're not feeling well at the moment, understandable actually. I know from my own experience that talking won't make the world all right. But if in doubt, I'd rather be woken up by your call than let your problems take over. Before I end up standing at your funeral."

"I'm not feeling so bad either," I tried to reassure him.

"You don't seem like that at all," Phil said sternly. "As fast as you keep getting upset."

"It doesn't matter," I replied.

" No, it does matter! You blame yourself for everything that's happened. Even if you're not at all to blame. Michael did the same and at some point he couldn't take it anymore... Just promise me that you'll get in touch if you need someone to talk to."

"I promise," I mumbled and lowered my eyes. "But you'll get in touch if you need someone to talk to. No matters how I might be... I mean... including about Jennifer and the whole Hannah thing."

"Don't worry about that." Phil smiled. "But yes, if I feel the need to talk about it, I'll get in touch with you."

Chapter Text

I was standing in the middle of a road. I looked around in panic. There were barely a few lanterns providing light.

Where the hell was I?

The vibration of my mobile phone startled me. I quickly pulled it out of the back pocket of my jeans.

A call from Jessy...

"Hey Jessy," I answered the call in a friendly manner.

"Hey... Thanks you for talking to me on the phone," she chattered away immediately. "I wanted to be home before it got dark..."

Her words sounded so incredibly familiar to me....

Did I even mention that she could call me?

" Oh man... unbelievable on Cleo and Thomas were going to break into the basement."

Suddenly, the mobile phone in my hand had disappeared. I looked up, irritated.

"I mean... What did those two think they were going to find. There isn’t anything in there." she continued into her phone. An oppressive feeling spread through my body. This situation felt so familiar.

"And what if I would be  unable to get a hold of them now? Does that mean Phil seriously going to call the police? Damn…It would be the last thing we need-"

This was the moment when Jessy was attacked. I wanted to reach her. But my body didn't obey me. I couldn't even call her name. In the next moment, she was already sitting up again. At first I was relieved, just to see her face covered in blood.

"It's your fault!" she said mechanically and walked towards me. Panic started to rise inside me.

"It's your fault!" she repeated her words as she took her next step.

"It's your fault!" The blood flowed down her face. "It's your fault!"

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"It's your fault! Just yours!" said a distorted male voice. Automatically, I turned in the direction where the voice was coming from. He was right next to me.

The man without a face!

"It's all your fault!" he said in his sombre voice. Startled, I looked away.

In front of me was a car which had been involved in an accident after hitting a tree with overspeed. There was smoke coming out of the bonnet. I slowly walked towards it. The driver's door opened automatically. A badly injured Dan looked at me with empty eyes.

"It's your fault!" he said just as mechanically as Jessy had done.

"It's your fault!" Dan and Jessy, who was suddenly standing next to Dan's car, said in synchronisation. Her face was still covered in blood.

"It's your fault! It's all your fault!" said the man without a face next to me in a teasing singsong. I gazed up into the cloudy night sky in despair.

"It's your fault!" Dan, Jessy and the man without a face said in unison.

I wanted to look at them, but I looked at Richy's face. He was smirking at me. In one hand he was holding the mask and in the other a lighter. I couldn't explain why my gaze slid to the floor for a few seconds. There was a shimmering liquid all around us.

Petrol?

My eyes wandered around the area.

I was in the mine!

A click brought my attention back to Richy!

"This is your fault!" he said with a broad grin as he dropped the lighter.

" Just your fault," he said as he disappeared into the sea of flames. Everything around me was consumed by the fire until I stood in a black void.

"It's your fault!" echoed the voices of Jessy, Dan, Richy, Thomas, Cleo and Lilly in an unbearable continuous loop. Until a figure in a black hoodie appeared a few metres in front of me. His hood pulled wide over his face.

"Jake?" I said with relief and reached out my hand to him.

"It's all your fault!" Jake's distorted voice said. "It's all your fault!"

Two FBI agents appeared next to him. I hurried to him. This was my chance to save him. But before I could reach them, the three of them burst into flames.

"It's all your fault!" his distorted voice was filled with hatred.

"I'm sorry." In my despair, I had sunk to my knees. My face was buried in my hands and tears were running down my cheeks.

"It's your fault!" the voices of my friends mocked.

I looked up. They were all standing around me.

Thomas...

Dan...

Jessy...

Lilly...

Cleo...

And Richy...

"It's your fault," said they in synchronisation. They lifted their index fingers in the same way.

"It's your fault! It's your fault! It's your fault! It's your fault!"

Their voices got louder and louder. I pressed my hands against my ears.

" Yeah," I whimpered. Someone pulled their hands away from my ears. I looked up. Right in front of me was the man with no face.

"'You see? They all know! They know it's your fault. They hate you for constantly putting them in danger," he spoke spitefully.

I just looked at him.

Should I disagree with him?

Even if I knew he was right!

"You sent them all into the forest... Sent them to me! And what did you do in the meantime...I'll tell you... Sitting cosily on your couch!... I wonder who the real monster is?"

He couldn't hide his spiteful grin despite the mask. I wanted to look away, but he grabbed my face. His fingers dug into my skin.

"It's your fault!" said the man without a face in Richy's voice. "It's because of you that your friends were attacked in the first place. I told you to stay out of my buisness." His voice distorted with every word.

"I just wanted to help..." I whimpered.

"Lie!!!" he yelled at me.

"Why are you lying to us, [MC]," Jessy whispered in my left ear. As the man without a face still had a firm grip on my lower jaw, I had no other option than to move my eyes to the left.

I was breathing heavily. Jessy was standing next to me. The blood on her face had dried. Her skin was white as a sheet. All life had drained from her eyes.

The panic got my heart racing.

"After everything you've done to us, don't we at least deserve the truth?" Thomas whispered in my right ear. My eyes wandered frightened to my right. Thomas' skin was also pale as a sheet and all life had gone out of his eyes.

"I..." I started. Unfortunately, my voice failed. In the vague hope of escaping this situation, I closed my eyes. I felt the grip on the man without a face loosen. I opened my eyes hopefully. But the next moment I found myself in the middle of a dark forest. Surrounded by metre-high trees.

All alone...

My breath accelerated. Automatically, my feet carried me deeper into the forest. Disorientated, I took step after step. Panic rose in me with increasing intensity. But my feet didn't want to carry me any longer.

Until something touched my stomach...

My eyes caught sight of an arm clad in a black hoodie. The source of what had pulled me back.

"Jake?" I whispered hopefully.

"No," the distorted voice of the man without a face echoed through the night. " He's dead. It was you who caused his downfall!" I heard his voice in my right ear.

"You are responsible for his death," I heard his voice in my left ear.

"No." I whimpered.

"You can't avoid your guilt forever," the voice echoed through the forest. I caught sight of the gallows rope on the branch of the lone weeping willow.

I swallowed.

"My gift to you!" whispered the man without a face in Richy's voice.

I took a step towards it.

" Time for you to pay the price for your sins."

I stood rooted to the spot.

"You walked into the woods to me."

A shiver rippled through my body.

"You came because you're aware of your guilt," Richy whispered.

I still couldn't move.

"I am able to release you from all your sins."

Tears flowed down my cheek.

" Time to pay the price for your sins." The voice was distorted again, but loving.

"I know..." I breathed.

In the next moment, I stood under the branch of the weeping willow and let the man without a face put the rope around my neck.

"Your fault! ...your fault! ... Your fault," the voices of my friends accused me. I sensed the man without a face tightening the rope around my neck. This made breathing increasingly difficult.

At last, I received the just punishment for my guilt.

For all the suffering I had brought upon everyone!

I closed my eyes.

***

All at once, I sat upright in bed. I needed a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I exhaled with relief. Jessy was sleeping peacefully next to me.

It was just a dream!

Like every night...

But my racing heart refused to comprehend this. I got up on wobbly legs.

I needed fresh air.

Desperately...

I picked up my mobile phone from the nightstand. I walked carefully to the door and opened it as quietly as possible. I closed it again, being careful not to wake Jessy.

I unlocked my screen and opened the torch app. I slipped quietly through the house into the living room. The alcohol left over from the evening's drinking was still on the large table. I lit up the bottles.  With a shaky hand, I reached for the three-quarter full Jack Daniel's bottle.

I didn't actually like whiskey.

However, I wasn't interested in the flavour, just the calming effect of the alcohol.

I didn't want to call Phil again in the middle of the night completely in tears. Although he had offered me that three days ago during our conversation. He hadn't reacted annoyed when I'd called him the night before last.

Quite the opposite...

Phil had been as understanding as a human being could be. Nevertheless, I felt like a burden. This feeling intensified when I confided in someone.

I was proud of myself that I had managed to be the best possible version of myself over the last three days. The [MC] that my friends deserved. I also managed to completely block out my negative thoughts in some moments.

In those moments, I was really happy.

But then there were moments like this when I completely lost my grip.

I stopped on my way to the kitchen. My original plan to get a glass for the whiskey suddenly seemed so unnecessary. With the bottle of whiskey in my hand, I crept shakily towards the patio door. Unfortunately, because of the darkness, I overlooked the empty, neatly arranged bottles and touched them with my foot.

In a domino effect, some of them fell over with a loud clang. Panicked, I looked round. I hoped I hadn't woken anyone. I continued on my way, careful not to make any more noise.

Slowly, I opened the sliding glass door. I deliberately kept it open a crack when I closed it. This was not just because I was afraid of causing unnecessary noise again, though I also wanted to get back into the house without any problems at some point.

I closed my eyes briefly inhaling the fresh night air through my nose. I couldn't really define the feeling that flowed through me. Pleasant would probably be the best way to describe it if I was really happy.

I used my smartphone torch to find my way to the seats. Exhausted, I settled down on one of the chairs. I put the bottle of Jack Daniels next to me and switched off the torch light. My eyes didn't take long to adjust to the loss of the light source.

The forest that surrounded our holiday home seemed even more eerie at night.

Still...

I reached for the bottle, opened it and took a big swig of the golden-brown liquid. I grimaced in disgust. Apparently, I had to get through the disgusting taste. I could see it as a punishment for trying to get my hopes up again. Jake would be somewhere in those woods, waiting for me.

I took another sip.

Rationally speaking, it made no sense. If Jake had really escaped the FBI from the mine unharmed, why would he be in the forest?

I brought the bottle to my mouth again.

So it made more logical sense for him to stay at the motel in Duskwood. My next sip finally made me feel the effects of the alcohol. Lilly had already checked. She'd also asked both Mrs Walter and Gray to let her know if anyone matching Jake's description checked into the motel.

Somehow I was jealous that both Lilly and Hannah knew what he looked like. Even if they only knew his younger self. Although I didn't know if Jake kept his face hidden like he had during the video call with me when he'd spoken to Hannah during her kidnapping.

I drank after a sip, then unlocked my screen. Another sip before I opened the chat.

Jake's and my chat...

His words...

"Who's there?" I heard Dan's energetic voice. I flinched, startled.

'It's me,' I squeaked and got up. I carefully opened the patio door.

" Gosh! You scared me," Dan grumbled at me. " What are you doing here anyway? It's the middle of the night."

"I just couldn't sleep," I whispered, gesturing for him to lower his voice so as not to awaken the others.

" Don't rumble around here like that. I thought there was a burglar or something."

"Sorry! It was an accident," I mumbled sheepishly.

I realised that Dan's gaze had been resting on the Jack Daniels bottle in my hand for several seconds.

"I wanted some too before you booze it all away," I joked my excuse.

"I see," Dan said in a tone that made me realise he didn't believe me.

However, I ignored this fact and fetched two glasses from the kitchen. I handed them to him and pushed his wheelchair onto the terrace.

"It's about Hackerboy again, isn't it?" Dan asked when we were outside.

"Jake!" I murmured at him as I poured us the whiskey.

" Just get over that guy. He's gone anyway. " he said as I handed him his glass.

"Dan," I admonished him.

"I'm serious! The guy's not worth it."

"Why is he still being such a pain in the arse for you?" I asked, annoyed, and took a big sip from my glass. Dan watched sceptically. "Have you ever thought about the fact that he took advantage of you?"

I shook my head.

" You see!"

"No, Dan. I meant it definitely wasn't like that."

Honestly, [MC], how can you be so sure? Fact is, this guy is trouble. You should've seen the FBI's presence. They searched for him with helicopters and stuff. Somebody like him can't mean you any good. " he explained his Dan-like conclusions to me.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

"Besides, if Hackerman was really serious about you, he would have contacted you a long time ago."

That hit the mark. I stared at Dan.

"So you know I'm right," Dan said with a mixture of triumph and pity. I lowered my eyes.

"You really should rethink your taste in men."

Instead of answering, I took a big gulp of the whisky.

"Bartender boy isn't the right way for you either," Dan continued.

I snorted in annoyance.

" I mean, it's not like we don't notice that you two are texting each other all the time."

I ignored this statement at first and emptied my glass in one gulp. True, Phil and I had exchanged a lot of messages over the last few days. However, this was not to build up romantic feelings. Even if Phil had admitted that there was some interest on his part.

Nevertheless, he had accepted without any hesitation my heart had already been given to someone else. A friendship was better than nothing. Or at least that's what he had told me. Most of all, he showed me that with every message in which he enquired about my well-being. And with every attempt to encourage me that I shouldn't give up hope. After all, according to Phil, no man would abandon a woman like me just like that.

"He's definitely more than just one woman," Dan continued his lecture.

"I may not know what my love life has to do with you, but..." I said, annoyed, as I poured myself another whisky. "Phil and I are just friends."

I took a sip. " So about Jake. Did you ever think that I just don't care that he's wanted by the FBI?" I started drinking again so that I could empty the glass in one go. Slowly, the anaesthetic effect of the alcohol set in.

Finally, it dampened the anger and sadness that had only boiled up more since the conversation with Dan. The only thing I had to do now was to suppress the pain my nightmare had reawakened.

"" You can't be serious!" Dan warned incredulously. "The guy could have done anything!".

Instead of answering, I filled my glass again.

"[MC], what if he just ensnared himself to do something else to you?"

"Dan, that's ridiculous!"

"Is it? I'm reminding you, Hackerboy is wanted by the fucking FBI. You don't get on their list because you stole a packet of chewing gum."

I just shrugged my shoulders.

" And for someone like that, you drink your sorrows away in alcohol."

"At least I didn't crash my car into a tree," I nagged at him belligerently.

I wouldn't claim Dan was wrong, but he was just wrong about it being all Jake's doing. Since talking to Phil, I had realised that I could only bear all the negative experiences because of Jake and the others. With Jake's disappearance, a huge pillar of support had collapsed. However, the earthquakes of guilt followed with the realisation of the waves my investigation had caused.

But who knew if Jake could protect me from that....

This was something Phil had made me realise. He also suggested that I seek professional help. He didn't stop until I assured him that I would think about it. But I didn't see the need. Someone like Hannah, who had actually been through a traumatic experience, needed psychotherapeutic help.

But not me...

After all, I had to blame myself for everything.

Did I deserve any kind of help at all?

My eyes were fixed on the floor, lost in thought. I sipped from my glass, not realising that it was already empty. Nor did I realise that Dan had emptied the Jack Daniels bottle into the flowerbed. So I didn't have another chance to pour myself another drink.

"God, forgive me my sins," he had mumbled as he spoke. I hadn't understood his words, but I had realised that he had said something.

"Huh?" I said and reached for the now empty whiskey bottle. I was disappointed to realise.

"Really, I only want to do the best for you," Dan said gently.

"I know that." I said, "It's just..."

""You love him, I know..."

"No, well, yes, I love him. More than anybody else I've met. However, all I actually meant is that Jake has always been there for me.  Whenever all those bad things happened during our investigation, he was there for me. And I'd like to find him. But I don't know how to do that. Tactically and emotionally. Although he's only in trouble because of me."

Dan took a deep breath. "I got it."

I nodded, even though I didn't really believe that I really understood.

"Still, Hackerboy should prepare himself when he turns up here. I'll put him through his paces first."

I giggled: "I'd be surprised if you didn't ."

" But we should slowly go back to sleep. After all, we want to go to Lake Schwarzwasser tomorrow."

"Yes. To be honest, I'm starting to get tired too," I confirmed truthfully.

Chapter Text

The weather over the last three days was rainy. Even thunderstorms were raging over the small town of Duskwood sometimes. A circumstance which left him unable to spend the night in the forest. It wasn't as if he didn't prefer a regular bed.

Nevertheless, every overnight stay in a motel involved a certain security risk. He therefore endeavoured to check in as late as possible and check out as soon as possible. Another of his tactics was not to spend more than one night in the same motel.

His pursuers couldn't find him!

Especially not until he had honoured his promise and met her. He hoped that his measures were sufficient and that his pursuers would not be able to pick up his trail again.

He was currently unable to check how close they were to him. Even if it would give him certain advantages, the risk was too great. After all, his pursuers would then be able to pick up another trace of him.

And he would not manage to go into hiding again, especially without having seen her at least once.

 However, the bad weather had had one advantage. With his hood pulled far over his face, he was less out of the picture. This allowed him to walk through Duskwood unnoticed and pick up snatches of conversation from people passing by.

Yesterday the time had come. A man said that the girl who had helped find Hannah was in Duskwood. He was glad that this man was his father. Otherwise, in his euphoria, he would probably have tried to get more information. So he let his guard down.

But his father...

Meeting him like this on the street was odd enough. He also couldn't say how he felt about this man. Admittedly, finding out was not his priority. However, the fact that the information he craved so much came from his father was somehow amusing.

He took a deep breath.

All he had to do was think of a way to find her. After all, she wouldn't turn up here in the forest. She had no reason to do so. And even if she did go for a little walk in the woods for whatever reason, it was relatively unlikely that she would suddenly appear in front of him. The woods were just too vast to do so.

***

I yawned.

The lack of sleep wasn't the main thing bothering me. I also regretted my excessive alcohol consumption. My head hurt. Cleo had given me an aspirin, but it hadn't kicked in yet.

Jessy, who was sitting next to me on the picnic blanket, was making a necklace out of daisies. Lilly, who was sitting on the other side, was busy picking material for Jessy's necklace. She didn't miss the opportunity to tickle my nose with one of the daisies. I made a muffled sound.

" "Drinking is a skill," Dan teased me about my hangover from yesterday's alcoholic excess.

" Can you switch him off somehow?" I wailed.

"I'm afraid it isn't. At least I've never found an off switch," said Hannah, handing me a can of Coke. I sat up and took it. "Thanks."

"We could just leave him here," I joked.

"Hey!" Dan protested.

"Oh come on. You've got two healthy wheels, you'll be fine," I said dryly.

"How about we leave you here?" Dan replied, offended.

"That's not possible," Jessy interjected. "Because then I'd have to stay here too."

"And me too," added Lilly immediately.

"Ditto!" shouted Cleo, who was looking for something in the boot of her car.

"Aww! Thanks guys!" I said, touched.

"I'd stay too," Hannah grinned. "And if I stay, Thomas will stay too." A slightly annoyed undertone resonated in her last sentence.

"Of course, my darling," purred Thomas, who still hadn't realised that his overprotectiveness was really getting on Hannah's nerves.  She rolled her eyes, unnoticed by Thomas.

I smiled sheepishly in response. Hannah and I had got closer over the last three days. Even if it was still strange when we were alone. But that would work out in time.

I actually liked her....

" Well, Dan 5:0 in my favour, actually," I grinned broadly.

Whereupon he just grumbled.

"Oh, Dan," I giggled.

" "Yeah, yeah," he said defiantly.

Shortly afterwards, my body showed its tiredness in the form of another yawn.

"That badly?" Jessy asked sympathetically.

"I think I'll go for a walk before I fall asleep. " I said and stood up.

"Are you OK?" asked Lilly worriedly.

"Yeah, sure. I'm just hungover. ", I smiled. "A little walk would be good for me."

"Should I join you?" Jessy asked anxiously

"Oh, no need."

" Please don't go to far away."

"Yes," I reply. "I won't get lost. And if I do, I've got my mobile phone with me."

"Okay..." Jessy's voice showed that she wasn't keen on my idea.

Not that I didn't care. But I wasn't averse to having a few minutes to myself either. My social battery was almost exhausted and a short walk in the woods would certainly recharge it. Keeping up my good mood was already taking enough energy.

Not to mention hungover...

I trudged along the path. The big trees cast huge shadows on the forest ground. Although I had a queasy feeling, the forest seemed beautiful instead of scary. I looked around curiously. I followed the path further into the forest. I finally managed to keep my head free.

The cracking sound I heard didn't worry me either. I had instinctively looked around briefly. But since I didn't see anyone, I concluded that it was probably an animal.

Who else would be here?

Even at the Blackwater Lake, there was no one else except our group.

***

He was startled as he heard the noise from a moment ago seem to be approaching.

His pursuers...

The first thing which crossed his mind. He quickly hid behind one of the trees. Even if that would probably not help him much in this case. However, he cautiously peered in the direction from which the noise had come.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. It was just a woman out for a walk.

Quickly he caught another glimpse which confirmed his suspicions.

It wasn't just any woman...

It was her!

His heart beat quickened in happiness. He had finally found her. His stomach was filled with butterflies. He took a step forwards without really thinking about it.

Unfortunately, he had overlooked the small branch. He quickly returned to his original position. Nevertheless, he had seen her looking around in shock.

He exhaled quietly in frustration.

She would just be unnecessarily frightened if a strange man approached her alone in the forest. She didn't even know what he looked like. All she knew was that he had black hair.

This was one of those moments when he wished the situation was different. But he still couldn't answer whether he regretted his decision from four years ago.

Whether he could have remained inactive with the knowledge...

He had never actually regretted it for the last four years. Everything was different when she had crossed his path in this fateful way. He had wished so much that he could be with her. To be able to protect her.

He was her biggest security risk

In a way, he hoped she didn't want to meet him after all. If she rejected him, it would be easier for him. Instead of being the one to put her in danger again. His feelings for her had taken such a hold of him he couldn't stand firm in his rejection and in the end he had completely fallen for her.

He wasn't good for her...

He was painfully aware of this fact. Nevertheless, as a lovesick fool, he wandered from hiding place to hiding place for weeks. Just to get the chance to meet her at least once.

At least once....

"Hi Phil," he heard her voice and his heart stung.

***

The mobile phone in my pocket vibrated. Slightly annoyed at the disturbance, I pulled it out.

"Hi Phil," I answered the call happily. I couldn't deny that his name on the display had brought a slight smile to my lips.

"What's up?"

"Is everything OK with you?" he asked directly.

"Yes, of course! Shouldn't it be?" I remained cheerful.

"My sister called me to give you a call," Phil began. "You went into the woods alone after you were so absent again."

"I just wanted to go for a walk."

"[MC], what's wrong?!"

"It's nothing. Really! I was just tired."

"Did you have another nightmare?" Phil asked in a stern tone.

I sighed and answered curtly: "Yes..."

It was pointless to lie to him about this. Phil's tone changed to concern: "Why didn't you call me?"

"It wasn't that bad this time."

"[MC]," he admonished.

"No, really. I just got some fresh air yesterday and then went back to sleep," I explained, hoping Dan had continued to keep my whiskey escapade a secret.

I heard him breathe in heavily. He didn't believe me, but he couldn't prove me wrong either.

Fortunately for me...

"And why did you go into the forest?" Phil wanted to know.

"I told you I was just going for a walk." with every word, the mask of my cheerfulness fell. I sighed in frustration. After all, I had just been so good at lying to myself.

"Didn't you promise me you wouldn't do anything stupid?" I heard Phil's soft voice through my smartphone.

"Yes..." I said, annoyed. But then I grinned mischievously. "But my boyfriend wouldn't mind. After all, I'm not putting myself in danger."

"Do you really think your boyfriend would just bump into you on a walk in the woods?" Phil exposed my true intention

"No..." I replied curtly.

" Hope springs eternal," I added a little uncertainly.

"[MC]," Phil sighed my name.

"What else am I supposed to do? I just have such absurd hopes left. I haven't got a single clue. And I promised you I wouldn't do anything stupid."

"So you're going into the forest alone?" Phil replied sceptically.

"It's the middle of the day!" I replied, annoyed. "Besides, the others are not far away at Blackwater Lake. And I've got my mobile phone with me. So why should anything happen?"

Phil didn't say anything at first.

" Before you say I shouldn't get my hopes up," I took advantage of Phil's silence. "I realise that my boyfriend isn't just going to stroll through the forest, happy and cheerful. And we're going to meet here by chance. But I'm just not ready to put aside the hope that it might still happen. I need to get all the negative scenarios out of my head somehow." With every word, my angry voice turned into melancholy.

" That is perfectly fine if it helps you. But you understand my concern that you'll be too disappointed afterwards and you'll feel worse again."

"Disappointed..." I repeated dismissively. "I haven't felt that way for a long time."

My mood darkened rapidly. Fortunately, I realised that in time this time.

"Phil, can we talk about something else?"

"Sure." Phil immediately understood where my desire for distraction came from. "Did I ever recommend the band Bad Omens to you? If not, I'll send you my personal song recommendation right away."

"Yeah, do that," I giggled and made my way back.

***

His heart pounded against his chest. He was currently experiencing the wildest rollercoaster of emotions. First of all, because he was so close to his goal.

His goal...

It sounded wrong for some reason. Like he was hunting and she was a defenceless deer.

As if she was his victim...

He realised it wasn't like that. All he wanted to do was fulfil his promise to her. Nevertheless, he couldn't completely suppress the thought that it was wrong anyway.

In addition, he was not only annoyed by the fact that she had to talk to Phil on the phone, he also lacked the context of the conversation. After all, he could hear just her part of the conversation.

One thing had given his emotional rollercoaster an extra speed, and that was that she had mentioned her boyfriend. With the facts she had mentioned, she must have been talking about him.

Or was it just wishful thinking on his part.

After all, he had been wandering through the woods of Duskwood for some time. It must be around two months by now. He couldn't say for sure. But what he was painfully aware of was that contact had been broken off since that night in the mine.

I love you too, Jake

Her last message had given him the strength he needed to get through the silence.

What about her?

She didn't know the reason why he couldn't get in touch with her. He couldn't and wouldn't blame her if she had moved on with her life. And perhaps met someone else.

Definitely best for her...

He couldn't offer her anything. Even the basic need for security. Something he had always been aware of. Nevertheless, he had lost his battle against his feelings. So much so that he was no longer able to hide his longing for her.

He sighed.

But...

He didn't know if it just spoke of his own wishful thinking.

Still...

If she really did mean him while talking about her boyfriend, then it meant that her feelings for him had not changed. She still wanted him to fulfil his promise.

His heart was beating even harder.

He had to go then. Especially since her words sounded as if she was also looking for him. Surely he couldn't remain idle. Otherwise he would never find out the truth. He finally had the chance to see her.

Keeping his promise at last...

Besides, it certainly was a good indicator that she'd just mentioned to Phil that she was dating someone. After all, it meant that she wasn't considering him as a potential partner. Again, the chances were really good that she had meant him.

Who else could she have met?

In any case, it meant that Phil was no competition.

If that's what it could even be called....

After all, love wasn't a competition!

Nevertheless, he could not deny the relief he felt. There was perhaps no longer an obstacle to a happy ending. At least in the form that his circumstances allowed. If she was really willing to accept a relationship with him, it was just a happy ending for him.

Was that the reason why he hesitated...?

Just because he didn't want to involve her in his problems after all?

He was handed the chance handed to him on a silver platter and didn't manage to take a single step!

However, he couldn't let this chance pass him by...

Hadn't she also sounded desperate when she said that she didn't want to give up hope?

Did he really want to keep telling himself that she hadn't meant him after all?

Even though all her words said otherwise?

His body had to obey him. Otherwise, who knew if he would ever get the chance again. And all the doubts that plagued him could only be confirmed or dispelled with a meeting.

Ideally, they would really be dispelled...

Otherwise the uncertainty would remain forever. He was aware of this fact.

Nevertheless...

However, there was something stopping him..

Chapter Text

I had reached the edge of the forest. I breathed out a sigh of relief. This forest was strange. In the meanwhile, I had the feeling that I was being monitored. One reason I was glad to be on the phone to Phil. However, as I didn't think it was realistic to actually be watched, I hadn't told Phil about it. After all, I didn't want him to worry unnecessarily.

Especially as he wasn't too keen on my little walk anyway.

"A bartender is just a poorly paid therapist," he joked when I thanked him again for his care.

 "But at least there's a tip." I heard his laughter through the phone. "Sometimes"

"I really should pay you a proper tip one day."

"Well, you'd have to visit the Aurora again to do so."

"Before I leave Duskwood I'll definitely do so."

It was obvious to me to flirt a little with Phil once again. Although it didn't immediately mean that I had moved on from Jake.

Still far from it...

Perhaps I just wanted Phil as an additional option?

If I did, I was being selfish. Phil's understanding of my situation regarding my missing boyfriend from his own experiences didn't improve things. Particularly not after he had tried so hard to make me feel better.

I shouldn't play any of my mind games with him.

He didn't deserve that!Lost in thought, I had tuned out the conversation and didn't hear him reply: "I'd be offended if you didn't visit again."

As I didn't reply, he asked worriedly: "[MC] is everything all right?"

"Yeah, sure?" I reassured him.

But once again Phil realized I was lying to him: “ Are you?”

“ Yeah,” my words left my lips in a more annoyed tone as I had intended. “I'm sorry, Phil”

“What's bothering you?” he asked in an affectionate tone.

In response, I sighed.

“You don't like to tell me, do you,” Phil stated without sounding judgmental or hurt.

“‘Yeah. I'm sorry, Phil,’ I repeated, but this time it was obvious in my voice I was being honest. “It's just I don't even really know what's going on at the moment. It's really hard for me to explain.”

“I understand,” he replied empathetically. “I'd be lying if I hadn't felt something similar back then. So, different topic?”

“We can hang up,” I interrupted him. “'Cause I'm as good as being with the others again.”

“Then let's talk later.”

“Of course,” I smiled.

“See you later [MC]”

“See you later Phil”

It was not long after I hung up the phone and Jessy spotted me.

“[MC]!” she shouted happily. This friendly greeting brought a smile to my lips

“Oh, you're getting back here too?” Dan joked when I reached the group again.

“Oh, did you miss me so much?” I responded to his joke.

“No, actually I'm just hungry! The others wanted to wait with the barbecue until you got back”

“I'm already lighting the barbecue,” Thomas said, a little annoyed.

“Dan is even more unbearable when he's hungry,” Hannah teased as I sat down on the picnic blanket with the girls.

So before I could say anything in reply, Jessy had caught my attention.

“I'm done, by the way,” she said as she placed the daisy headlace on my head. “Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for a necklace.”

“A crown is much better,” I grinned. “It matches my queenly charisma.”

“[MC] the great queen,” Jessy responded to my joke.

“Yes, homage to your queen,” I stated with exaggerated theatrical arrogance.

“Oh, what country are you queen of? From idiot land?” Dan teased me.

“Of course! That's why you're my servant,” I laughed.

“Touché,” Dan admitted defeat.

Nevertheless, or perhaps precisely because of this, everyone else burst out laughing. Laughter which I was happy to join in. Both my friends and bright blue sky helped to lighten my mood.

“Can you braid my crown into my hair? I don't want to lose it,” I asked Jessy.

“Of course!” she replied and started braiding my hair at the same time.

The way I was sitting here with my black converse, black hot pants and my red oversized T-shirt with a star print and discreetly placed black shading and flower crown had to look pretty amusing. Kind of a mix of the grown-up version of my teenage emo phase and the accessories I wore as a child.

“We've just created a Spotify playlist for the day. You're welcome to add songs if you like,” Lilly informed me.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Wait, I'll send you the link,” Lilly said happily.

“ But only happy songs.” Jessy reminded me of the rules as she was still braiding my hair.

“It can be set up,” I said and opened Lilly's link.

Fun-Oh-Fun

I smiled and scrolled through the playlist. Jessy's request was probably just a recommendation.

Face Down ⁓ The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The first song that caught my attention. Dan had chosen this song. It didn't surprise me at all. It wasn't just the rocking beats which suited Dan. The topic of domestic violence was also somehow part of his life story. As a child, he had at least witnessed how his father had treated his mother.

But when I looked at his next song selection, I just rolled my eyes.

Megamix ⁓ Vengaboys

The Ding Dong Song ⁓ Günther & Sunshine Girls

Cotton Eye Joe ⁓ Rednex

You’re my Mate ⁓ Right said Fred

“”You're serious?” I asked, turning to Dan.

“What?” he asked, puzzled.

“Vengaboys, Günther & Sunshine Girls, Rednex and Right Said Fred?” I raised my eyebrow skeptically, but I couldn't quite hide my grin. “That's the worst trash music”

“ Honey, you can just admit that they're your absolute favorites,” he winked at me.

“We just ignore stuff like that,” Cleo turned to me.

“Hey! Jessy said they're supposed to be good mood songs,” Dan defended himself.

“Yes, because I wanted a good mood here,” said Jessy. There was a certain amount of annoyance in her voice that the design of the playlist wasn't going the way she'd hoped. 

I continued to scroll through the playlist. I sighed when I saw the selection of Thomas's song.

There's Nothing Holding Me back ⁓ Shawn Mendes

You and me ⁓ Lifehouse

Hanging by a Moment ⁓ Lifehouse

Romantic music was probably one of the last things I felt like listening to. Even if it somehow suited Thomas's personality.

Wonderwall ⁓ Oasis

He had even included the tearjerker Wonderwall. It wasn't my taste in music. Nevertheless, normally I could have simply ignored it. But because my love story had ended before it could even start, the thought of romantic crooning tore my heart apart.

“Are you okay?” Jessy asked, immediately stopping to braid my hair.

“Yes, sorry. I'm just checking to see what else you've put in,” I smiled at the half-truth.    

How Bizzare ⁓ New Zealand Singers

Girls just want to have fun ⁓ Cyndi Lauper

Maria ⁓ Blondi

Heaven is a Place on Earth ⁓ Belinda Carlise

Bitch ⁓ Meredith Brooks

Cleo had packed very different songs into it as well. But many of them could already be described as old classics. 

End of Beginning ⁓Djo

Kiss you ⁓ One Direction

Uptown Girl ⁓ Billy Joel

Wannabe ⁓Spice Girls

Weak ⁓ AJR

At least Jessy had stuck to her resolution and added songs to the playlist that spread a good mood.

Pre-Teen ⁓ Chrissa Sparkles

Even though I didn't know this song, I was pretty sure that it belonged to Jessy's taste in pop music.

Sweather Weather ⁓ The Neigbourhood

Would you be so kind ⁓ Dodie

When the Suns Hits ⁓ Slowdive

All to Myself ⁓ Marianas Trench

I didn't know most of the songs chosen by Lilly. Maybe it was because she was still a few years younger than the rest of the group. However, this didn't necessarily mean that they were bad.

Somebody that I Used To know ⁓ Mayday Parade

I liked the cover version she added to the playlist more than the original. 

Beating Hearts Baby  ⁓ Head Automatic

Mr. Brightside ⁓  The Killers

Vindicated ⁓  Dashboard Confessional

Hannah and I seemed to have the same taste in music. At least that's how it seemed when I looked at her choice of songs. They were all songs that I also liked.

“You have good taste in music,” I turned to Hannah.

She replied, a little taken aback: “Thank you.”

I then set about making my own song selection. I briefly considered whether I should also include another song by The Killers.

When you were young ⁓ The Killers

But I paused. The lyric line Talks like a Gentleman would remind me of Jake unnecessarily. Frustrated, I scrolled through my favorite songs. There had to be something that wouldn't remind me of those damn Hacker.

Was it too much to ask to get this whole situation with him out of my mind for just a few hours?

Not to be reminded of him by every small detail.

Mama ⁓ My Chemical Romance

The subject of war should hardly be able to divert my thoughts to Jake.

Welcome to Black Parade ⁓ My Chemical Romance

Since I did so, I couldn't miss the most famous song by my favorite band. The G-Note trend on the well-known social media channels had been on my timeline often enough. Even a legend like Andrew Lloyd Webber had paid tribute to it with his own TikTok. By first addressing all the musical theater fans with the question of what they would think of with the notes that were played. This was followed by the first riffs of the Phantom of the Opera overture. Shortly afterwards, he asked what everyone else was thinking and played the G note on his keyboard. And I immediately heard the first lines of the song in my inner ear. Somehow I was happy for the band that they had received such a great honor. It was well deserved.

Still into you ⁓ Paramore

My heart skipped a beat at this suggestion from Spotify. I liked this song and surely it would set a better mood than my previous selection about war and dying. But it was precisely this music that I didn't want to hear.

How beautiful the feeling of love was...

As a teenager, I jumped around on my bed so often to this song, bellowing the lyrics into my microphone, the hairbrush. To the chagrin of my family.

Was I really going to let my thoughts about Jake take away my happy childhood memories?

Admittedly, I didn't have that many of them either. As a child, I had suffered too much from my parents' constant arguments. I had been the target of my father's verbal tantrums too often. Far too often I had gone to school with a stomach ache because I could barely stand the bullying. But then there were the moments with my childhood friends when we had started our first experiments with alcohol. And this song had almost always supported our party mood. 

I couldn't let my grief for Jake take everything away from me.

With that in mind, I had already added the song to the playlist and immediately regretted it. Of course, it would have been easy to remove this song again. But the part of me that had decided to add Still into you vehemently resisted.

Maybe even part of me was processing and could finally look to the future. A future in which I could accept that I couldn't change the past. A future in which the pleasant tingling feeling was back when I remembered Jake. No more of this unbearable pain. Phil had managed to do the same with Jennifer.

So why shouldn't I be able to do the same?

Chop suey ⁓ System of a Down

Another suggestion from Spotify. With a smile, I added this song to the playlist too. It was the perfect outlet to scream out my frustrations.

“Chop suey? Honey, I didn't know you had such good taste in music.” Dan's voice showed that he was really impressed.

I grinned: “Of course! Please! You should know by now that I'm perfect in every way.” Dan wasn't the only one who joined in my laughter. Jessy couldn't suppress her chuckle either.

“ Honey, what do you think of Snuff by Slipknot?”

“Brilliant song”

“Okay, I'll put it in the playlist.”

“Wow, no Dan! Not that depressing shit'", Jessy intervenes.  

“It's not depressing shit. It's a classic! Besides, there's no better song for getting drunk and lying in each other's arms,” Dan interjected.

“I hate to say it,” I began. “But where Dan's right, he's right.”

“I'm always right”

“Well...” I laughed.

“ Honey, there's one thing you haven't thought about. Without a beer, being drunk won't work.”

“Are you asking me to get you a beer right now?”

”Jow!”

“In that case,” I laughed. “I can't say no!”

I turned my gaze briefly to Jessy to check whether she had finished doing my hair and whether I could get up. But then Cleo interjected: “Really Dan? We haven't even eaten!”

“No beer before 4 o'clock! And four o'clock is already over,” he grinned.

“It's not even 12 o'clock at noon!” Cleo rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“Yup. That's what I said. Four o'clock in the morning is already long gone!”

I overheard their discussion and got up. Cleo was right, it was far too early for alcohol. Besides, any argument on my part would be nullified by the fact that I had been moaning about my hangover just an hour ago. Still, the idea of supporting my good mood with alcohol was tempting.     

Quickly, I took two cans from one of the coolers and handed one of them to Dan. But before I could make my way back to the picnic blanket, I was pulled back. The next moment I found myself on Dan's lap.

“ Honey, we still have to toast,” he grinned at me. “And besides, we both have to take care of the good music right now.”

I opened my can and held it out to him for a toast.

“Of course, if not us, then who?” I smiled. 

“Cheers.” Dan said as his can of beer touched mine. “Any suggestions?”

“Last Resort by Papa Roach?”, I pondered.

“I like the way you think,” he grinned.

“And we have to endure it,” Hannah commented with a laugh. But then her laughter faded a little. “Richy would have said something like this.”

Silence...

The horrified looks of my friends were now directed at her. My breath caught in my throat too. It was the first time his name had even been mentioned.

And then specifically from Hannah?

Nevertheless, I couldn't suppress the thought that she was right. Richy would certainly have commented on my and Dan's unholy alliance for good music with one of his tongue-in-cheek remarks.

“Or do we want to keep pretending he never existed?” Hannah said, getting up from the blanket.

“What the fuck, Hannah?” Dan was the first one who managed to say anything. Shortly afterwards, I jumped up from his lap. I stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do next. My first impulse was to follow her. But she had stopped at the cooler.

“I don't know. Somehow it just popped into my head,” she said impassively as she also took a can of beer.

“He kidnapped you, darling,” Thomas reminded her in a horrified voice. 

Hannah opened her can and said: “Yes, I can still remember that. But I also remember all the years of our friendship.” She looked melancholically at the open tin. She closed her eyes for just a second. Then she took a sip.

Hannah opened her mouth to say something. But Jessy beat her to it.

“Richy is dead to me! “, her voice was cool, but her glassy eyes showed her true emotion.

You would never hurt me...

Her words from the last phone call with Richy were still echoing in my ears. Still tore as big a hole in my heart as Jake's disappearance.

“Jessy...” I breathed. “You can't possibly mean what you say.”

“ Like hell I am!” she nagged at me. “And why are you still defending Richy anyway?”

The fluid in her eyes gathered until thick tears rolled down her cheek. Even without her obvious emotional outburst, I could feel her pain. It literally broke my heart. And it wasn't just due to the fact that I had been blind to her loss over the last few days.

Regardless of her attempts to deny it, it was more than obvious that she felt for him. Except she was better at covering up her loss than I was at covering up mine. So both our love stories had ended that one night in the most unimaginable, dramatic way.

“Richy is the reason you lost Jake!” Jessy's cold statement drained all emotion from my body. As if it was a protective mechanism to keep my emotional hard drive from overheating.

“And it's partly because of him that [MC] is here at all,” Hannah's calm words brought me back to reality.

“But it's not her fault,” Lilly's indignant voice intervened in the discussion. “She's one of us too after all. You can't send her away because of that!”

“Hannah didn't mean anything like that,” I said calmly. I had realized very well that the accusation in her words wasn't directed at me.

“Exactly.” She turned to me with a relieved smile. “We just can't pretend that none of this happened.”

 I nodded in agreement. Hannah's words felt so liberating in a way. It was only now that I realized how heavy the burden of keeping quiet about the whole situation was.

“I don't have the energy to block out the elephant in the room all the time.” With this metaphor, Hannah made it clear that she too was tired of having to keep up a masquerade of good mood over and over again.

I opened my mouth. There was so much I wanted to say, like how I missed Richy too and how our group had never felt complete. I also wanted to talk about the nightmares that had been haunting me every night for weeks. My unease about Hannah, even though I had grown to like her. But I couldn't avoid the fact that I had gotten to know her first and foremost by gaining access to her most private data. That part of me would have preferred not to come to Duskwood, although I definitely wouldn't have wanted to miss my new friends. I would have liked to have tried to explain the complexity of my emotional world to them. But all I could come up with was: “I agree”.

Hannah smiled at me.

“Let's just stop pretending like nothing ever happened.”

I nodded in agreement. 

Chapter Text

Our group had divided into more than just two sides. There was Hannah and me, having decided that we no longer wanted to keep the whole Richy issue under wraps. Then there were Jessy and Thomas, who misinterpreted our behaviour to think that Hannah and I had decided to forgive Richy unconditionally about everything. To me, there was a huge difference between believing that he was truly sorry for what he had done and forgiving him for all his bad deeds. So far, I didn't even know the answer to if I would ever be able to do so.

The fact Jessy was punishing me with complete silence fuelled the fire of my emotional hell. The last hour and a half my thoughts had been driven by the desire to get back home. I don't know how many times I had opened the chat with Phil during this period to ask him to take me to the train station. I had never written this wish.

The only thing I had been able to do was write to him that I wanted to talk to him on the phone in the evening. Presumably out of the absurd hope that Jake would still fulfil his promise at some point.

Staying in Duskwood meant holding on to it.

Going home meant letting go.

In that way, I wasn't any better Jessy.

I was still clinging to the illusion that everything would work out in the end, at least on this point. Instead of finally facing the bitter reality. But the rational part of my brain had managed to set the deadline for tonight. No matter how much the emotional part of my brain was able to rebel against it. I knew that in the end it would also be grateful to finally have the chance to let go.

What was I still doing here after my friendships were falling apart?

Thomas and Hannah's relationship was also crumbling increasingly. In the last few days, I witnessed how his overprotectiveness was literally suffocating Hannah. Meanwhile, with Thomas literally pressurising her to continue denying Richy's existence, it was Hannah who completely ignored him.

I didn't have a particularly positive outlook for their future. I didn't believe that Thomas would be able to deal with all the negative issues that surrounded Hannah. He was far too much in need of harmony and blind to Hannah's needs. It had to be difficult for her to always have to pretend the world was perfect because her partner couldn't deal with her depression.

Maybe if I left Duskwood and Hannah wasn't reminded by me every day of what had happened, there might still be hope.

Cleo and Dan weren't thrilled with Hannah's suggestion either. However, they didn't let us feel it the way Jessy did with me. Of course, Dan didn't miss the opportunity to let loose one of his sarcastic remarks every now and then. He would probably implode if he didn't reach a minimum number during the day. Cleo, on the other hand, had started to slowly load our things back into the cars. I suspected it was a coping strategy to escape the awkward silence.

If the barbecue was already cold, she would certainly have packed it in her car boot in no time at all and we would have long since started our return journey home. I would certainly be packing my suitcase by now.

And would finally go home...

Lilly had sided with me and Hannah. But I didn't think she did this because she agreed with us. She avoided the subject of Richy just like the others. I could only speculate about her exact motives.

Maybe she didn't want a fight with Hannah and me?

Or just not with me?

She might still be worried that our friendship was on shaky ground. All because of the video she had posted back then. I had forgiven her for that mistake long ago. To be honest, I didn't even know if I wouldn't have done the same in her place. Besides, I had to give Lilly credit for one thing: instead of bombarding me with a parade of excuses, she stood up for her mistake and tried to limit the damage.

Maybe Lilly had misinterpreted my ambition to mean that I was finally ready to talk to her about Jake. Otherwise, I had always managed to find excuses over the last few days as to why I didn't want to talk about her half-brother.

However, I had now put myself in this situation and could no longer find any excuses. No matter how much my heart was shattered just hearing his name. On the other hand, I somehow owed it to Lilly to talk to her about this subject.

She couldn't talk to anyone about it except me. And the loss of Jake was also hard for her to bear. After all, her half-brother was taken away from her before she even had the chance to connect with him. Something she must have wanted very much.

“What if we ask the people in Duskwood if they've seen anyone who fits his description?” suggested Lilly with a touch of optimism.

“Lilly...” Hannah warned. She almost seemed to want to talk about this subject even less than I did. Again, I could only speculate about her true motives. I didn't know whether she felt responsible for whatever had happened to Jake. Or whether there were perhaps still hurt feelings for the cold break in contact on his part. Even if she had Thomas and Jake had a very good reason to distance himself from Hannah back then, she still had feelings for him. Without ever knowing the truth.

I, in turn, only responded to Lilly's suggestion with a sigh.

“It's better than doing nothing,” Lilly replied almost flippantly.

“But we could put him in even more danger,” I said emotionlessly.

“What do you mean?” Lilly asked.

“Well, it's quite simple. If we have a lead on Jake, the FBI will get it.” My voice remained emotionless. I had already gone through countless possibilities in my head and all of them were hopeless. “I mean, if Jake doesn't want to be found, he has a way to make sure that doesn't happen. And the FBI has much better options than we do.”

“But there must be something we can do!” Lilly said desperately. This time it was Dan who commented on Lilly's statement with an annoyed groan. It was somehow shocking to realize that he must have been listening to us the whole time.

Although who was I to judge.

However, I was glad that Dan didn't join in the conversation any further. His resentment towards Jake was almost more unbearable than Lilly's optimism.

“If he's even still alive...” I was surprised myself that my voice remained so emotionless even when I said these words. I had probably already resigned myself to this thought. Because my resolve to turn my back on Duskwood tonight was also growing stronger.

“But they haven't found his body. That means he's still alive! He's out there somewhere looking for you. I'm sure of that!” Lilly actually wanted to give me hope with her words, but she achieved the exact opposite. In the end, I realized more and more that the signs of hope had been extinguished for too long.

I shook my head: “Officially, there is no corpse. I'm sure the FBI has a vested interest in covering up the matter and -”

“But Richy is still alive! Maybe Jake saved him!” Lilly interrupted me.

“And was then arrested directly by the FBI,” I replied.

“You can't know that! Maybe he got out.” Another attempt by Lilly to give me hope.

“Then he wouldn't do that to me. Not contacting me and leaving me in uncertainty for two months.” My voice was no longer emotionless, but desperate. I realized more and more that any glimmer of hope that emerged was in vain. “Lilly, I know you think well of me, but I have to start trying to let go. No matter how we try to twist and turn it. Jake is gone. For whatever reason. But he's not coming back this time.”

Lilly looked at me with sad eyes. I realized that she wanted to contradict me again, but that she had run out of arguments.

“I still believe he'll come back,” she mumbled after a few minutes of silence.

But neither Hannah nor I responded this time. Instead, Hannah took out her smartphone and scrolled through it.

And then the music started.

“Uhh... Who put Taylor Swift in there,” Dan commented.

I raised my forefinger to signal him to wait.

“It's me”, when this line came on, I started to sing along and pointed at myself.

“Hi!”, now I waved briefly at Dan.

“I'm the problem, it's me”, I pointed at myself again, this time with a big grin on my face.

“Rarely has a person disappointed me so much,” laughs Dan, alluding to the break in my musical taste. The lyrics of Anti-Hero would be right up my street with rockier music.

“At teatime, everybody agrees,” Hannah now joined in. I was grateful for this form of distraction. Surely she already had experience of distracting herself from negative topics and thoughts.

Hannah had stood up and offered me her hand. A little irritated, I let her pull me up.

She continued to sing along to the song and moved rhythmically to the music. I also joined in, albeit hesitantly. By the next song, however, I had lost my inhibitions.

“Baby, is this love for real?” I sang the first line of Beating Hearts Baby to Hannah.

“Let me in your arms to feel, oh,” she sang the second line.

“Your beating heart, baby”, I enjoyed the light-heartedness of the moment. Everything that was weighing me down, the argument with Jessy, Jake's disappearance, just fell away from me.

Thanks to Hannah

***
He had reached the edge of the forest. Nervousness coursed through his body. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. He had already seen the small group, he had seen her.

Watched her dancing happily with his half-sister.

It was impressive how she managed to win everyone's heart in such a short space of time. So it was all the more incomprehensible to him that she should have fallen in love with him of all people.

Still, there was this last message from her...

He hoped so much that this had not changed in the last few weeks.

Taking his courage with his next breath, he strode towards the group.

***

Barely audible footsteps approached us. I was too caught up in the music to even notice. I even barely noticed the shy hello of the unknown man's voice. But then I heard Hannah's surprised voice: “Jake?”

My blood froze in my veins. I turned my gaze in a rush of fear and happiness in the direction of Hannah's words.

A man was standing there.

Around our age.

His grey sneakers, which I wasn't sure were the original color in every spot, showed clear signs of wear. As well as the soles coming loose in places, the stitching had split in more than one place. And the ends of his laces didn't hide the muddy paths he must have walked along.

The lower legs of his jeans were also speckled with small, fine mud stains. Just like his shoes, the signs of wear on his jeans could be attributed less to an intentional used look. The most striking was probably the torn area on his left knee.

The black hoodie, his trademark, had also seen its best days. The seam had small rips all over it. Tiny pieces of dried mud revealed the true extent of the soiling.

His broad and at the same time solid stature I could deduce from our first telephone contact. However, I could now see that he was almost 10 centimetres taller than me.

But in contrast to the old days, his hood was not pulled low over his face. Instead, his tousled black hair was showing. A few slightly curled strands of hair hung just above the lenses of his glasses. The dark square frames emphasized his sea-blue eyes.

Although his face was striking, it had similar soft, loving features to those of his sisters. The right corner of his mouth formed an uncertain smile. The little dimple formed gave him an innocent look.

“That's Hackerboy?!” Dan's voice sounded miles away.

Everything in my head was spinning. My brain was trying to process this information far too quickly. Afraid he would disappear into nowhere in the next moment.

Probably also because it felt like we were both in some kind of parallel universe, a bubble that separated us from this planet.

“Jake?” I breathed almost tonelessly and yet he nodded in agreement. My lips curled. Every step I took towards him felt like I was carrying a load that weighed tons.

The crowded carousel of thoughts was spinning at top speed.

He stood there.

He was alive.

Apparently.

He was unharmed...

He was fine...

He was not in prison...

He was free!

He just stood there and smiled at me so sweetly and shyly.

Simply just like that...

After two months...

But the feeling in my stomach wasn't butterflies.

No ...

I was seething with anger right now.

Two months...

He was fine the whole time. While my head had imagined all the horror scenarios about his fate.

I had gone over his demise thousands of times in my head.

The way...

His thoughts...

The pain he had to go through in the process.

During the whole two months of radio silence, I went over it again and again.

For nothing...

I couldn't explain it myself, but suddenly there was a shocked look on his face. The pain in my palm and the mark on his cheek.

My vision was blurred at the same time. I could feel the warm tears running down my cheek.

However, the next moment I found my face in the crook of his neck.

“[MC]?” he whispered uncertainly.

He probably wanted to say more, after all, I had felt his breath on my ear. But my increasingly intense sobs probably stopped him.

In my desperation, I clung to him tightly. I pressed my body closer and closer to his. The closer I got to him, the more I felt of him, the more I realized what it all meant.

Jake was alive.

Literally alive!

I felt him carefully wrap his arms around my waist and gently press me even closer to him. Increasing tears found their way from my eyes to the crook of his neck, freeing me from all the negative emotions I had been going through because of his disappearance.

“You're alive. “, I sobbed. It was quite a while before I realized the true meaning of the words, Jake is alive.

***

His right cheek was burning. She had used a lot of force in the slap. Still, this was nowhere near as bad as the realization of the suffering he had brought upon her. Because her tears of despair hurt so much more.

He could return her hug only with hesitation. Almost ashamed at the relieved thought that he still had the opportunity to take a shower last night. Over the last two months, his clothes had been enhanced by the acrid metallic smell of burnt gasoline, the smell of sweat and the musty forest floor.

But it wasn't relevant anymore. All that mattered was limiting the emotional damage of his absence. He couldn't deny that he felt a certain sense of well-being as he pressed her body against his.

He couldn't deny that he also needed her physical closeness. This was the first time he really realized the full extent of his longing.

“You're alive,” her tearful voice was weak, but he could feel the vehemence of her relief.

“Yes...” he whispered, causing another enormous waterfall of tears from her. Yet he could no longer hold back his tears either. The fine drops ran down his cheeks sporadically.

“I'm so sorry...” he affirmed his remorse and at the same time was forced to hold her body even tighter. It almost seemed as if her feelings were taking the rest of her strength.

“So infinitely sorry...”

Chapter Text

My knees were weak, luckily Jake held me so tightly in his arms and gave me support. Otherwise I would surely have sunk to the ground long ago. It still felt so surreal that he was actually here. And yet there was this feeling of familiarity that he had always evoked in me. It was just so much stronger right now.

My tears were getting smaller and smaller, but I made no effort to detach myself from Jake. Somehow I was still afraid that he would just disappear again. I didn't know if Jake was experiencing a similar fear, because he didn't make any effort to get away from me either.

We would probably have to remain here like this forever...

But then I felt someone else squeezing me. I briefly detached my face from Jake to take a look at the other person. A slight smile came to my lips when I spotted the blonde haired person. I rested my head against Jake's shoulder again and released my right arm from him to include Lilly in our embrace.

I noticed Jake flinching nervously. He seemed noticeably uncomfortable that his youngest sister was seeking his physical closeness. He had no choice but to put up with it, though.

Punishment had to be....

“You don't need to cry like that! I told you all along that Jake was alive and would come back,” Lilly's tearful voice rebuked me.

“Yes, you did,” I replied and started crying heavily again. “But I was so worried.”

“Me too,” Lilly replied, crying even more than before. She also clung desperately to Jake.

“ Never do that again,” I now addressed my words to Jake. I was aware that Lilly's and my conversation had taken place as if he wasn't standing right next to us.

“Never, never, never again,” I affirmed, trying to sound stern. But relief had taken over my voice.

“Don't you dare do that to us again!” Lilly's attempt to discipline him also failed with her joy at finally being able to hold him in her arms.

“[MC]..., Lilly...,” Jake breathed uncertainly.

“Well, I really hate to disturb your trinity,” Dan cleared his throat. “But hacker boy, oh hacker boy! You have soooo much to explain to us!”

“I guess so...” Jake replied almost meekly and carefully removed his arm from me. But all he managed to do was get me to hug him tightly.

It almost felt to me as if he was really going to disappear again and I definitely had to prevent that.

“But not here,” Jake said calmly.

“Pff, like we're just going to take you away without an explanation.” Dan laughed spitefully.

“Of course we're taking him with us!” It was me who had broken away from Jake and was glaring at Dan.

“I'm certainly not going to let a wanted criminal into our house just like that,” Dan argued.

“Jake's not a-” I began and was immediately interrupted by Dan.

“Honey, I'm more than pleased to remind you that the FBI was at Grimrock to arrest your boyfriend.” Dan put a particularly pejorative meaning on the word “boyfriend”.

“Fine, I'll pack my things and go with Jake,” I nagged back.

“[MC]”, Jessy tried to calm me down with her gentle voice and appeal to my common sense. Instead, she got the same angry look from me that I had just given Dan.

There was no discussion at all about letting Jake leave again!

I was seething inside, just like when everyone had so readily agreed to send Jake to the mines. To the others, except Lilly, Jake was still this weird, creepy hacker that they would have preferred to have nothing to do with. None of them saw that Jake had been acting so selflessly all this time. Of course he had to put measures in place to protect himself. But instead of staying out of it completely when this whole thing got too dicey for him, he had stayed in.

“And then we'll go to my apartment and find out what's happened next,” Lilly joined in.

“Yes, let's do that,” I turned to Lilly.

“That's great,” said Dan. “Hackerboy makes pretty eyes at you all and you run after this guy like he's the only man in the world.”

“Jake and I are-” Lilly defended herself, but she faltered briefly. “-just friends.” Still, Dan didn't seem to believe her and gave her a skeptical look. “You were one of the first people to know Hackerboy's supposed name.”

“Because she read my and Jake's emails from back then,” Hannah intervened in a neutral voice.

“Exactly,” Lilly nagged.

“I really do not want to be a burden,” Jake said, his eyes fixed on the floor.

“You're not!” I was still annoyed that it was even up for debate whether Jake was allowed to come or not. I realized that my voice was reflecting that and Jake was getting my frustration about the situation, so I added in a much calmer voice: “ Absolutely not.”

“Well, I'm against Hackerboy coming with us just like that,” this time it was Dan who called for a vote.

“And I am in favor,” and my voice was back in attack mode.

“As am I.” said Lilly in the exact same attack mode. “Mine and [MC's] mind is made up anyway.”

“ Two to one for Hackerboy.” Dan grumbled more about the fact that his two friends were responding so stubbornly to his objection than to the actual result of the poll so far.

“Three to one,” said Hannah.

“You're siding with him too,” Dan asked incredulously.

“Yes?” Hannah asked uncertainly. “Jake is an old friend of mine who I asked for help. That's one of the reasons he's here. I can't just send him away.”

With a relieved smile, I turned first to Hannah and then to Jake. Hannah returned my smile and shortly afterwards turned to Jake with the same smile.

Jake, on the other hand, stood there without a concept and didn't seem to be able to grasp what was happening. He looked at me reservedly, almost looking for help. But I didn't know exactly how we were going to escape this situation either. Especially how I was supposed to allay Dan's suspicions.

So I turned my gaze to the three people who hadn't yet spoken, looking for help, kind of by default. In the forlorn hope that Dan was the only one who was being a bit obstructive.

“I'm sorry [MC], but Jake is wanted by the government and that could get us into a lot of trouble,” Thomas said meekly.

I grumbled: “But you weren't interested in the consequences when you broke into the Aurora.”

“Excellent, Tommyboy! At least one of us still has some brains,” Dan triumphed. “So two to three against Hackerboy.”

I was so angry, but I had expected it. Thomas was just an absolute wimp. Not prepared to take any risks at all. Except maybe when it came to Hannah. But even then it was more rash actions than anything else.

“I don't know either,” Jessy said. Unlike Thomas, Jessy's statement disappointed me.

Didn't she tell me when we were still at my place that we just had to find Jake and then our group would be complete?

And now she supposedly had doubts?

Even though she had understood so early on how much Jake meant to me?

Hadn't she even said, after Jake and I revealed our investigation back then, that she could understand why I liked him so much?

And as my best friend, shouldn't she care that I was happy?

I didn't realize the upset look on my face as I looked at Jessy.

“I just don't want you to get into danger again,” she said with a lowered gaze.

“Again?” I asked sourly.

“Well. The FBI tried to hack your phone once before,” she explained.

“And they haven't tried that since! Why would they do it now?” I snarled.

“Because Hackerboy is here right now?” Dan interjected snippily.

“My pursuers won't turn to [MC] again,” Jake said dryly.

“And why are you so sure about that?” Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Because I pointed out back then that my pursuers should leave [MC] alone,” Jake remained calm.

I looked at him in amazement.

What the hell did Jake mean?

“Suggestion for mercy!” Cleo intervened in the discussion. “We'll all go back together. Jake will answer our questions. And then we'll decide what to do next.”

I smiled at her with relief.

“Don't get me wrong,” she continued. “I'm not entirely comfortable keeping Jake hidden away at our place. But after everything that's happened, we owe him at least the chance to explain himself. And one night shouldn't put us that much in danger.”

Jake nodded at this statement.

“Whatever,” Dan said sympathetically. “It's better than [MC] going all Bonney and Clyde with her Hacker right now.”

I looked expectantly at Jessy and Thomas. Thomas just shrugged his shoulders.

“That sounds quite reasonable,” Jessy finally agreed. Even though I could see that she had pondered it for a moment.

“Okay, so Jessy and Dan are going with Cleo. And we'll go with Thomas,” Lilly suggested.

“But just so we're clear, hacker boy, you're not answering questions until we get to the cabin.”

Jake nodded.

A few minutes later, we were sitting in the back seat of Thomas' car. Lilly and I sat one on the left and one on the right. Hannah had taken the passenger seat. Jake was allowed to make himself comfortable in the middle seat. However, it wasn't me, but his youngest sister, who looked at him curiously.

Once again, my glazed gaze was directed out of the window. The man I loved so much had come back into my life after more than two months.

I had questions.

So many that were just spinning around in my head.

So many feelings that I couldn't categorize.

It was so unbearably quiet...

The only thing still echoing in my ears was my breathing, which even drowned out the running engine. I could feel every single muscle through my tension. The man of my dreams was sitting next to me, but I hadn't managed to do anything yet.

Except for a slap and a crying fit.

Couldn't Thomas and Hannah at least talk about something trivial?

As things started to calm down, I no longer understood the world at all. Everything felt so real and surreal at the same time. It had sunk into my mind that Jake had just turned up after two months. Nevertheless, there was this unlikely component that activated all the alarm bells in my brain.

No matter how angry and frustrated I was with Dan's reaction, his words from last night stayed in my ear. The FBI wouldn't look for someone for a trivial matter. It was frightening how little I actually cared about this fact. I couldn't even answer whether I was so blinded by love that I didn't want to see the obvious. Or whether I had really believed Jake to be one of the good ones.

The fact was that I knew absolutely nothing about him. Neither anything about his crime nor anything else about his past.

But it was also a fact that I loved Jake so much. So much that I was breaking apart at the supposed loss. I didn't care at all how quickly and decisively I had turned against my friends for him. Yet they were the ones who had done everything they could to make me feel better again. They were the ones who wanted to protect me from further harm.

But in relation to this selfishness, I lacked the courage to seek the corresponding closeness. I hated myself for my embarrassment, for the insecurity that controlled all my thoughts. Yet only a few minutes before, I had behaved like an emotion-driven robot. Just as quickly as I had fallen from raging anger into a sea of tears, I now wished I could show my affection to the man next to me.

Where was that damn button for amorousness?

I briefly caught a glimpse.

For barely two seconds...

I panicked and turned back to the window.

My face was reflected in the window and I could see the embarrassed blush on my cheeks.

But that wasn't the only thing.

Jake's shy gaze, which had turned to me at the very moment I had turned away, was also reflected in the glass pane.

His dimples...

The sight of him had quickened my heartbeat, just as my negative thoughts had. Nothing was further from my mind than not wanting to be with Jake. But then, for the first time, the doubts I had been suppressing all this time were real. I noticed my lower lip starting to tremble slightly, but with just a sigh I managed to suppress the next crying fit.

I could feel how this caused Jake to look over at me briefly. But when I moved my eyes in his direction, I saw him looking at his feet again, ashamed.

My nervous swallowing echoed in my ears for an unusually long time. The back of Jake's hand touching mine only added to the noise inside me. My heart raced so incredibly fast until it skipped a beat, startled. He had intertwined his fingers with mine. For a millisecond, as surprise suddenly turned my head towards him, we stared at each other. But just as quickly as this moment had come, we had already turned our heads away again, embarrassed.

But the grip on my hand tightened.

So that he would never think of letting go of it at all.

Even though I couldn't see it, I knew that it had put a smile on his lips. I could just feel it in him.

Just like I always had...

And this knowledge made me braver. Without really thinking about it any further, I rested my head on his shoulder. I could also feel him breathing in and out heavily. Lilly did the same when she saw my gesture of affection.

Jake started stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

Perhaps to relieve some of his own tension...

Jake had managed to wipe away all my doubts with this simple touch.

Although just for the time being. I was aware of that. But I was enjoying the comforting, warm feeling that was flowing through my body too much.

“Jake? Where are we supposed to pick up your stuff?” Hannah interrupted the silence and Thomas gave her a shocked look. It wasn't just that I was worried because he definitely hadn't been looking at the traffic for far too long. But I also didn't understand where Thomas's sudden fear came from.

Perhaps because Dan's condition was not to ask any questions?

I couldn't really think about it because Jake answered the question quickly.

“Nowhere,” he said stiffly.

I straightened up and looked at him with the same irritation I was feeling.

“The detour won't be a problem,” Hannah not only addressed him in an affectionate voice, but had also turned to us with a smile. “I don't think either [MC] or my little sister will let you leave again anyway. And you can save on hotel costs.”

Jake was silent for a moment until he replied curtly: “I already have everything with me.”

He then looked down at the floor in shame and made an effort to remove his hand from mine. The resistance he met from me made him look at me briefly, but he quickly turned away again.

“But that can't be all you've got with you, can it?” Hannah asked the question that was buzzing around in all of our heads.

“Dan said we shouldn't ask any questions yet,” said Thomas, who was really intimidated by Dan.

But Hannah wasn't at all impressed by Dan: “We need to know what we have to buy for Jake.” she said snappishly.

“‘There's no need to go to any trouble,’ mumbled Jake.

“Don't be ridiculous! We'll just stop at the supermarket. What do you need? Toothbrush? Deodorant? New underwear?”

“It's really not necessary,” Jake assured us.

***

“Hannah just sent me a message,” Cleo reported. “They're probably buying a few more things for Jake.”

“That's great,” Dan groaned. “What's next, should we get the landlord an extra spa treatment?”

Cleo sighed. “I hear you. First of all, we said we'd decide later whether Jake could stay or not”

“But [MC] and Lilly are getting Hannah into the Hackerboy fan club instead,” Dan added.

“You don't understand why Lilly is so fascinated by Jake and [MC] is totally okay with it, do you?” Jessy wanted to know.

“Nah, no idea!” Dan replied.

“I find it weird as well,” Cleo added.

“Also that Jake just turned up like that.” Jessy said, almost shyly.

“ like hell!” Dan confirmed.

“And as you'd expect, [MC] didn't question the whole thing at all,” Cleo added.

“She's just head over heels in love with him,” said Jessy.

“And ignores all the red flags the guy brings with him!” Dan gave free rein to his displeasure. “It's not like I know enough of my mother's excuses for my father. And [MC] does exactly the same thing.”

“Oh my Jakey has threatened you, but he doesn't mean any harm. He's not really like that. He's only doing it because he loves me so much,” Dan [MC] mimicked exaggeratedly, putting his right hand under his chin and batting his eyes extremely hard.

“And that's why you in particular should know that there's no point in talking to her. [MC] will be completely stonewalled and we'll just drive her further into his arms,” said Cleo.

“Great, that means we have no choice but to have Hackerboy with us.” Dan didn't like the idea at all.

“I'm afraid so,” Cleo said in a calm voice.

“It's certainly better than her lying dismembered in the woods afterwards,” Dan agreed.

“What?!” squeaked Jessy, “Do you really think Jake would do something like that? I mean, he really doesn't look like that...”

“You mean because he looks like the most severe wimp?” Dan laughed. It was one of his first thoughts when he saw the hacker. His appearance seemed harmless, more like someone who had probably been put through a spin by others during his schooldays. Neither had Dan ever done anything like that, nor advocated such behavior in others.

“Well, I meant more... unimpressive?” Jessy wasn't sure if she had used the right word.

“Aren't they just the worst? I'd bet people have said that about Ted Bundy too,” Dan added.

“We don't have to start painting the devil on the wall right at this point,” Cleo steered the conversation back to a factual level. “The first thing we should do is clarify how much danger we're putting ourselves in by keeping Jake hidden away. As much as I want to protect [MC], I have little desire to tangle with the Federal Bureau of Investigation.”

“Yeah, that complicates things even more,” Jessy groaned.

“Definitely,” Dan confirmed curtly.

“So he should definitely tell us why he turned up at all of a sudden,” Cleo tried to sort out all the questions.

“Yeah, it was kind of weird. And creepy too,” Jessy shook her head.

“The guy is creepy!” Dan couldn't hide his dislike.

“And most importantly, he should tell us why he sent us [MC's] number,” Cleo explained another open point.

“Good point!” Dan praised sincerely.

“Do you think it was Jake who sent the number?” Jessy asked, puzzled.

“Hannah said that she no longer had her phone. And who else could it have been except Jake? Apart from the fact that it would most likely be him.”

“Yeah,” Jessy moaned. “I mean, I suspected it at the time. But [MC] said he didn't have a reason for doing so.”

“And Jake is supposed to explain that reason to us!” Cleo said firmly.

Chapter Text

Chapter 18: The interrogation

“So hacker boy, tell us the truth! What's your real name?” said Dan, holding the switched-on reading lamp in Jake's face. Reflexively, to escape the glare, Jake squeezed his eyes shut. I, in turn, held my hand protectively over the light bulb and said: “Dan, stop that nonsense! You know his name is Jake.”

Then I shook my hand because the heat from the lamp being switched on was getting too intense.

“ It can also be a lie,” Dan said defiantly, but switched off the lamp. Then he turned to Jake: “So, give me your ID.”

“Which one? I got three, each with a different alias,” Jake smiled provocatively.

“Jake!” I reminded him. However, I melted when he smiled so sweetly at me and couldn't help but look at him in love.

“Don't be arrogant or you'll be kicked out of here faster than you can say computer.” Dan didn't miss the opportunity to respond to Jake's provocation.

“Then I'll leave too,” I reminded him of my demand.

“You certainly won't, young lady,” Dan said sternly. “Anything else like that and you'll go to your room and be grounded!”

“Dan, you're not my father!” I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

"Honey, but I'll look after you like one,” Dan made his final argument.

“I'm old enough,” I said with a roll of my eyes. To avoid further discussion, I finally sat down next to Jake on the bench. I briefly considered whether I should hold his hand again.

But I didn't dare...

“ I left you a pair of pants and a T-shirt in the bathroom,” Thomas said to Jake without looking at him and sat down on the other side of the bench right next to Hannah.

“Thanks,” Jake replied without looking at Thomas either. It was almost as if Hannah had insisted that Thomas lend Jake a change of clothes first. Even if neither of them were particularly enthusiastic about the suggestion. On the other hand, Jake's current clothes definitely needed to see the inside of a washing machine.

Shortly afterwards, Cleo and Jessy came out of the kitchen. Equipped with glasses and snacks for our upcoming conversation.

I could feel Jake next to me flinch nervously. I was aware it wasn't an easy situation for him. However, like him, I was aware that the others were just as entitled to the truth. At least for the most part. I was relatively sure that he wouldn't mention the whole half-brother subject to the whole group. Just an unresolved matter involving just him and Hannah at the moment. Judging by the word from his old video message, it was doubtful that Jakes would ever reveal his familial relationship.

“So Jake,” Cleo began amiably and sat down on the chair next to Dan, opposite us. “ Be honest, are we in any danger if you hide out here with us?”

He swallowed heavily. I caught sight of his fingers, which were nibbling at his already chewed fingernails. But he didn't need this obvious proof of his tension. You didn't even need much empathy to sense it.

I pulled all my courage and reached for his hand next to me. After all, as his girlfriend, I had to support him emotionally right now in some way. He looked over at me, a bit surprised but smiling. Our fingers interlocked more and more and I felt a lot of the tension leaving his body. After a sigh, he finally turned to my friends and said: “To be honest, I am not sure at the moment if my pursuers are on my trail.”

“ So what do you mean exactly?” Dan asked skeptically.

“ That I no longer have any electronic devices at my disposal to track the activities of my pursuers.”

“And in other words?” came from Dan, annoyed.

“In turn, my pursuers also have few clues to determine my exact location.”

“”What else?” Dan's voice grew more and more suspicious. And even if everything inside me was resisting, I shared Dan's insufficiency about these answers. Jake's answers were again so vacuous.

“If my pursuers found me here, I'd hand myself in willingly,” Jake said.

“No!” I shouted at him, while Dan said at the same moment: ”That's exactly what I wanted to hear, hacker boy.”

Under normal circumstances, I would probably have shouted at Dan that he couldn't possibly demand such a thing. But Jake's possible concession choked me off. My hand tightened in his.

He had to know that I couldn't lose him again!

His eyes met my tear-filled eyes.

‘I won't let you be in danger because of my decision,’ Jake said in a soft, loving tone of voice. ‘Not again.’

But I looked at him with emptiness in my eyes. For him to turn himself in voluntarily for me was the worst thing he could do to me. I couldn't be responsible for him ending up in prison afterwards.

“No!” I said firmly and earned myself a lot of irritated looks. “That's not up for discussion at all!”

“[MC]...” Jessy was trying to reassure me.

"I won't let us just hand Jake over. Never!" I hissed at them.

“[MC], this is my decision.” Jake said in a calm tone. “I'm asking you to respect it.”

“I'm absolutely not!” I nagged at him and saw Dan's triumphant grin in the corner of my eye. I ignored this for the moment. My biggest priority was to talk Jake out of his moronic sacrifice.

“You don't have to say anything because you decided to protect me,” I snorted. "You don't have to protect me! The FBI won't be able to intimidate me."

Jake merely shook his head slightly to indicate that I couldn't convince him.

"Why don't the same rules apply to us both, Jake? Why do I always have to watch you run to your doom?" I nagged at him and yanked my hand out of his.

“I understand it annoys you,” he said calmly.

“Oh well...” I grumbled and crossed my arms.

" However, you need to understand my point of view. I made a decision four years ago knowing the consequences. It wasn't the same for you! So I can't allow you to be harmed in any way as a result," Jake said gently.

“We've talked about this, I know what I'm getting myself into.” The fear and despair spoke from me.

Jake's eyes looked at me with a sadness I couldn't define. One thing those definitely didn't reflect, though, was uncertainty about his decision.

In a serious voice, he said to me, “ There's a difference between you being able to accept me living an underground life and me allowing you to get into danger because of me.”

I snorted angrily.

Why was Jake being so stubborn?

My anger and frustration caused me to be still sitting away from him, even though Jake's gentle attempts to touch me only ignited my longing for him even more. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, I moved away from him each time. Until his third attempt, when he lost hope of a quick reconciliation.

I heard his soft, almost suppressed sigh. Something which almost made me faint for a brief moment. All my emotions came flooding out. My longing for him, the fear of losing him, the frustration that he'd give up so quickly when in doubt and the anger that it would be my fault if he did. Over the last two months, my guilt that something had happened to him because of me had eaten me up from the inside.

And once again he just decided over my head which would be best for me....

“Well, I didn't expect a fight to erupt in paradise so quickly,” Dan said triumphantly.

A triumphant expression appeared on my face too. Dan had just volunteered as an outlet for my frustration.

“ It's not very likely that your pursuers will turn up here,

is it?” Lilly's worried voice beat me to it.

"Yes, I don't think that's possible either. I still can't guarantee anything," Jake turned to Lilly in a gentle voice.

“Really?” I asked and, without giving it a second thought, put my head on his shoulder. Unnoticed by me, this small gesture of affection brought a smile to his lips. Once again, my attention was drawn to his arm, which he put around my shoulder so that he could pat my arm.

“Yes. My pursuers seem to have lost track of me for the last two months.”

“I don't want to lose you,” was my misplaced reply.

Jake, in turn, hugged me closer to him. That gesture was a more believable answer than his words could ever be.

His promise to do everything he could to ensure that nothing would ever happen to separate us...

Our eyes met. Our faces were so close. My heart began to race in my chest. My whole body was flooded with a cocktail of happiness hormones.

And I knew Jake felt the same way.

At that moment, it was just me and him. My perception had dissolved the actually unpleasant surroundings and situation around us.

The way Jake looked at me made me forget all my fears and worries. My feelings for him increased with every millisecond that I lost myself in his gaze.

Our faces got closer, the nervousness in my body increased. My gaze briefly fell on his lips.

But before I could think about whether Jake was interpreting my signals or I was interpreting his signals for a kiss correctly, a snap brought me back to reality.

“This is where the action is.!” Dan said, annoyed.

Jake turned his gaze away from us first. A slight blush formed on his cheeks. A slight smile appeared on my lips. Like me, Jake had probably forgotten everything around us.

The reason was me...

It shouldn't have made me as happy as it did. But having such an affect on another person was such an incredibly beautiful feeling.

Especially because he triggered exactly the same thing in me.

We were soul mates...

“Hacker boy, the interrogation isn't over yet!” Dan tried to provoke Jake. But Jake remained calm. Much to the wheelchair user's displeasure. A grumble came from Dan's throat before he spoke: “While we're on the subject, why is the FBI after you?”

My eyes widened. I realized now how much this question was burning on my mind. Whether it was the search for Hannah or his disappearance, there were always reasons that had a higher priority. But now that there was finally the prospect of a happy ending, my mind could finally turn to this topic.

What exactly had Jake done to get the FBI after him?

Dan's words from last night came back to me.

"I'm only too happy to remind you, Hackerboy is wanted by the fucking FBI. You don't get on their list for stealing a pack of gum."

Certainly it wasn't a trivial matter. Even Alan Bloomgate, the police chief of a town as small as Duskwood, knew Jake's case. Alan had warned me back then, more or less. Would I know what I was getting myself into? And not only during our conversation at Grimrock, but also during my interrogation.

The more my brain was occupied with this question, the more I wanted to know the answer. I was all the more disappointed when Jake shook his head.

“I'm certainly not answering that question,” he said in a stern tone.

“I see,” Dan commented cynically.

“Not even to me?” I asked, hoping to be the only one to learn the whole truth in a private conversation.

“No. Especially not to you.” Jake's voice was softer, but still stern. “I especially can't drag you into this matter.”

Jake probably recognized the resentment on my face, which is why he added hastily. “I'm sorry [MC], but any knowledge of this matter will bring you into unnecessary danger.”

I tried to disagree, to tell him that I didn't care about the impending consequences. I wanted to insist on my right as his girlfriend and find out the whole truth.

But Dan even preempted my doubts about whether Jake and I were really a couple and said: “Or are you embarrassed to be wanted for a leaked computer game?”

To everyone's surprise, Jake gave a short chuckle before replying in an arrogant tone: "You must be referring to the teenager who was able to publish information about the sixth episode of Grand Theft Autos from his hotel room using a Fire TV stick and a keyboard. By far a respectable feat, which I would probably have been able to do as well. However, I am involved in far more than a harmless game leak."

“ It was already a huge financial loss for the publisher,” said Cleo, pointing out that the aforementioned scandal was not a harmless incident for Rockstar Games.

“Exactly,” Jake replied in a decidedly less condescending tone. Because of this conversation, I looked at Jake with a worried expression.

“You're in a lot of trouble, aren't you?”

“ I could say so, I guess,” he replied in an affectionate tone.

I lowered my eyes.

Over and over again, the question of the matter Jake was involved in kept turning in my head. I was so afraid of the truth and yet I was frustrated not to know it.

Probably never knowing it...

I was prepared to accompany Jake on his escape without knowing the background.

Or at least I thought I did.

This voice in my head, telling me what a red flag Jake and this matter was, was getting louder and louder.

And that's what scared me the most. Maybe because I was trying too hard to hold on to the fact that we were soul mates. And therefore the whole reason for me to get involved in Hannah's missing person case. I didn't want to have to admit that I had to endure all this unbearable emotional baggage for a reason. Fate meant to get us together like this and underlying it all there had to be a positive reason.

There had to be a purpose for my entire part in this story.

It couldn't be for no reason!

I needed a reason!

Especially since my friendship with Jessy was falling apart more and more...

“But Jake, why did you send [MC]'s number in the first place?” Cleo asked directly.

Jake's eyes widened in shock.