Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

17:03

Heyyyy

mate can u come downstairs???

Ik u wanna make a big entrance but can you please just come to ur own party?????

REMUS IS WAITING PADFOOT AND HES NOT HAPPY?

Padfoot?

What?

Oh shit sorry should've said but you've got the wrong number

Oh I'm so so sorry

Its okay 

But now im intruiged

whos padfoot and party??? and remus?

Padfoots my best mate, its her birthday 2 days after today so we do a halloween/birthday party every year at the dorm

and remus is his boyfriend who has a surprise that pads needs to be downstairs early for

BUT THEY INSIST ON BEING LATE

oh damnnn sounds hectic

whats the  surprise??? 

a motorbike, pads has been wanting one since forever and moony worked double shifts to get it 

oh fuck thats really cool, rlly nice of remus too

and also if its at the dorm why havent u just come to his room?

also moony??

hes locked it from the inside the little bastard

she lovessss to put on a show 

I love them I rlly do but he needs to stop trying to be "fashionably late"

hes done it so much we just start the party without them

also moony is a very cool nickname like padfoot :)

Jesus Christ sfhfjsk

she sounds like a dramatic one

loving the nicknames so far

biggest understatement of the year wdfhdvsd

and thankyouthankyou

anyways who am I speaking to, stranger?

ahhh my names barty but im on one of my boyfriends phone

Nice to meet you barty, im James :)

Hi  James :)

why have you got ur boyfriends phone???

my dad took mine before letting me go to school so hes letting me use the phone his mother doesnt have access to

and we're at a boarding school so I have to wait to go to town to get a new one

thats rlly nice of him though

(two phones??? boarding school???)

hes rich lolll

but the school well we dont have to pay, we just get a letter and get to go from like 11 to 18

this sounds suspiciously like my school-

but dayummmm

good for him

hm I agree

why'd ur dad take ur phone if u dont mind me asking?

got in detention one to many times lmaooo

and hes also mad im not going into government work

soooooo

oh shit that sucks

yeah oh well

saving up for my own flat

thats really good im glad :)

mhmmmm

anyways 

what are ur pronouns if u dont mind me asking (and padfoots and moony)

he/him :))) thanks for asking, wbu?? (padfoots uses all pronouns moony uses he/him whats the bf u mentioned prns)

he/him :)) and thanks for saying (both bfs are are he/him)

anyways I should let u go to ur party, hope ur mate shows up

thanks :) speak to u later? If u want im still a bit confused as to why ur answering

yeah ill speak to u later and idk 

ur very intriguing stranger

thankyou thankyou

also should I be expecting drunk texts?

bc id find that very funny

yeahhhh maybe 

who am I kidding u probably will stranger

Marlene (she/they) will make me drink as much as possible

as she should 

anyways anyways bye stranger :)

bye stranger :)

01:12

im vwernt dvrnk 

anddddddd mooooons jt lettt mi have meee phine

Jesus christ

having fun?

mmmmmmmmmm

suu moch 

msrllyyy msdr mee e hve siiiii moch

you dont say

ssorry um prubsbly been annoyin

no ur not being annoying dw

have u had some water?

nuuuuu waters for qvuitters!

can u pass the phone to ur lovely friend moony?

ill come back in one minute after yeah?

vkayyyyyy

hello?

hi can u do smth for me?

what?

put some water in shot glasses or something and make James have some?

he seems very pissed

hangovers gonna KILL tmr

yeah ill do that thanks for saying

never thought of that before

yeah I deal w this all the time

only way to get my mate to drink water

smartsmart

anyways im gonna go do that, ill pass you back

thanks

hvellloooooo

hi :)

oMGGGGGGSH OTS

yup go have fun james

thvanksss

:)££))£

:))))

02:15

{insert picture of James hugging a toilet}

oh god thats both sad and incredibly funny

08:33

good morning James :)

09:45

morning barty :)

Im so so sorry you had to deal with that

Im not usually like that I swear

Its okayyyy im used to it 

was quite entertaining tbh

hows the  hangover?

glad it entertained u then

and it kills

moony somehow made me drink water?? 

promptly threw my guts up

anddddd then I woke up at seven to throw my guts up more

and have only now been able to look at the bright light of my phone

1. moony used my brilliant idea id scroll up if I were u

2. that is sAD if I were u id be sending some not nice messages to ur mate marlene

OH GOD I CANT BELIEVE HE SENT U THAT

UGHHHHH

OMG

THATS THE WORST PICTURE EVER

omgg this is even better

im so thankful to moony

tell him I love him

ughhhhhhh

and nah everythings too loudddd

and im avoiding moony asking who you are sjdssj

have u not told ur friends about me

heartbroken </3  (/s)

im sooooo sorry

also I forgot to say but well done with the water shots idea

even if it made me THROW UP EVRRYWHERE

thankyouthankyou

and that was a very good plus

okay rude

MOONY AND JAMES CHAT:

I can hear u giggling

who are u texting

is it that person from last night

oh ffs I hoped id avoid u on this

you know u cant get away that easily mate

anyways who??? details pls

yk that wrong number??

with pads old number or whtvs

oh ffs prongs no

prongs yes?

HE WAS RLLY NICE

HE TEXTED U YESTERDAY??

AND HES ALREADY SEEN U HUGGING A TOILET AND DEALT W DRUNK MESSAGES 

HE HELPED U OUT WITH THR WATER SHOTS THO MOONS!!

AND U WERE THE ONE WHO SENT THE PHOTO

I DIDNT KNOW U BARELT KNEW HIM????

but tbf he did help

yes exactly he did

sooooo lay off

u gonna continue texting him?

ofc I am

ugh theres no point telling u not to

but be CAREFUL

I dont want to be on catfish thankyou v mych

UR NOT GOING TO BE

ill be careful promise moons

finefine

:)

......:)

Chapter Text

07:35 the next day

Good morning Barty :)

Good morning James :) 

why are you awake so EARLY

ah i actually wake up at 5 

and because i do football and have practice very early

I am now at breakfast

jesus fucking christ

one thing i could never do

i need my beauty sleep

and what are you eating anywyas

"beauty sleep" 

and porridge 

and coffee

yES BEAUTY SLEEP JAMES

oh god ur a porridge eater

how sweets ur coffee

unbearably

not even remus drinks my coffee

snd yes?? porridge is good?

NO ITS NOT IT GETS S COLD LAYERING AND IS JUST GROSS

and i thought so you seem like the type

THATS WHY YOU EAT IT WHEN YOU GET IT?

and is that an insult or a compliment?

yk what im gonna take it as a compliment

but sometimes it's TOO HOT???

and take it however you want love

YOU EAT IT ANYWAYS?? ITS LIKE DRINKING TEA TOO HOT??

and also rq are ur boyfriends okay with flirting i rlly dont wanna be a homewrecker

NO THAT IS NOT THE SAME AT ALL??

and yes i asked earlier and theyre fine with it :) We're kinda open lollll

YES IT IS??? HOW IS IT NOT THE SAME??

Im glad :) Flirt away 

BECAUSE TEA IS GOOD AND PORRIDGE ISNT?? 

THE TEXTURE IS HORRIBLE

and yay :)

NO PORRIDGE IS WONDERFUL??

OH NO ITS NOT WOULD YOU SAY THE SAME ABT WHEETABIX?? OR RAISINS?? 

NO IT IS NOT

ABD YES I WOULD WHO THE FUCK EATS WHEETABIX AND/OR RAISINS???

YES IT IS.

AND ME ME I WOULD EAT WHEETABIX AND/OR RAISINS THEY FUCKING RULE

LIES ALL LIES

YOU ARE SPOUTING BULLSHIT I SAEAR TO GOD THEY ALL SUCKKK

NO YR SPOUTING BULLSHIT?? THEY SRE FUCKING BRULLAINT RAISNS ARE FUCKING FANTASTIC BEST SNACK EVER

BEST SNACK EVER?????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

HOW IN ANY WORLD ARE THEY THE BEST SNAXK EVER

UR DELUSIONAL THATS FALSE

ITS FAX MATE

IT IS THE BEST SNAXK EEVR, HEALTHY AND JUST ENOUGH AND GOOD FOR ALL AGES

ITS GOOD FOR 6 YR OLDS AND 80 YR OLDS ARE U SURE UR NOT AN 80 YR OLD??

wait how old are u??

LIESSSS AND YES I AM SURE IM NOT AN 80 YR OLD BARTY 

17 in my seventh yr :) wbu

HMMMM WELL ONLY OLD PEKPLE LIKE RAISINS AND WHEETABIX AND FUCKING PORRIDGE

17 in my sixth year :)

NO BC I LIKE RAISINS AND WHEETABIX AND FUCKING PORRIDGE THEYRE THE BEST??

and that's rlly fucking cool ngl

OKOK I HWVE CLASS LETS AGREE TO DISAGREE

FINEEEEE

BUT ONLY COS I HAVE CLASS TOO

wnd it is it is

JAMES AND LILY CHAT:

12:34

Who the fuck are you texting??

Finally got a boyfriend?

Nooo he's just a friend

had a wrong number and we've just started speaking

AS FRIENDS

Sooo you haven't flirted at all?

you flirt with everything that moves potter i don't believe you

Hes flirted like ONCE

but that's it

your smiling an awful lot for just a friend

you shush

no? its my duty as ur ex crush and bestie  to take the piss out of you

no its nOt

yes it is?? the same goes with remus

we just have to take the piss out of you james 

it's very important

i disagree

ugh whatever

anwyays details

please

UGH FINE

i texted pads old number 

and a guy responded 

and dealt with my amazing drunk texts

and saw a picture of me hugging a toilet

and he flirted with you??

are you sure??

wtf

yhyh whatever

and yeah we had a fun disagreement over raisins, wheetabix and porridge today

serious or not??

not

oh good does he hate them?

yes

oh thank god finally someone with some common sense

excuse me????

THEY SUCK

i am NOT having the same argument twice in one day

fine but i'm right

and he said only 6 yr old and 80yr olds eat raisins or whatever and questioned if i was 80

ofc he did and hES RIGHT

PISS OFF no hes nOT

anyways how old is he?

17 but in sixth year

fairsfairs 

how did he sober you up then

got me to give moony the hpone and told him to pour water in shot glasses

oh shit that's so smart

WHY HAVE WE NEVER DONE THAT

bc ur not smart

so fucking rude to me

UR THE EXACT SAME

shove off

no x

anyways hows mary?? together yet??

UGH NO

we kissed at the fucking part james

and then we never spoke about it

AND ITS BEEN TWO DAYS

then you SPEAK TO HER

you cant just make her start the conversation

i cant believe i'm gonna say this

but grow some balls Evans and go get ur girl

I-

DAYUM

okokok yeah okay i'll do it in a minute

yeah i'll make up an excuse for the two of u or smth

ur the best okay have fun texting loverboy

ugh have fun getting with lovergirl

good luck

thanks Potter

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT:

12:40

Helloooooo

helloooo

what have you been doing then

getting a friend to get with her bestie who she has a HUGE crush on

im hoping it goes well

DETAILS OMG

i hope it goes well too

BUT DETAILS

OKAYOKAY

so theyve been best friends since they were fucking 11 yeah

soon as they met it was like a bulb switched on and they couldn't turn it off

just immediate best friends

and my bestie had been saying about her liking her for AGES yeah constantly been hearing her pine

not like i was any better in the past but not rn

and THEY KISSED AT THE PARTY

OMGGGGGG JESUS

PLS SAY THE SPOKE AFTER

nope not a single word

told her to grow some balls and not expect the other girl to start the convo

shes off now

AHHHHH

YOU HAVE TO UPDATE ME

PLEASE OMG

AHHHHH

also u TOLD UR BSF THAT??

we're like that dw

i had an EMBARRASSING crush on her from first year to early fourth 

and she's never letting me forget abt it

so we take the piss a lot it's like 99% of our friendship

and taking the piss abt eachothers love life's is about 57% of that

very specific numbers

i need a nickname for you omg

but that's a good friendship im glad u lot moved passed it

it's kinda like me and Dorcas' friendships

NEVER JAD A CRUSH ON HER OMG

but we do take the piss so much

kinda annoys the rest of them but oh well

well i need a nickname for YOU

and dayummm 

bet ur rlly loud abt it too 

and u seem like a gossip so i suppose that's part of it

i mean true but like rude

and yknow what i'm just gonna call u jay or smth 

till i figure out a new one

jay fits

my mates call me prongs if u want that one 

why PRONGS?!?!

and nah i want to have my own nickname yk 

might use prongs but it sounds STUPID

OKAYOKAY OUCH

well i got rlly drunk christmas 4th year (dont ask we bribed the older yrs to give us vodka anywyas)

put on some antlers and sobbed when ppl tried to take them off

prongs

abd fairs fairs i like jay 

i need one for you

i think grumpy will have to work for now

RUDE.

i am nOt grumpy thankyou

and jesus christ

ofc u did

that makes sense especially with the limited knowledge i have

and ofc u do jay is great

U are grumpy?? clearly???

i would say that's rude but uve seen a lot in the past three?? two?? days

ALSO IM VERY MUCH TAKING THAT AS AN INVITATION FOR U TO GET TO KNOW ME HETTER NO TAKE BACKSIES

:))

i am NOT 

except i am a little tired so i'm skipping e rest of the day :) 

i have i have very traumatic

OFC UR THE TYPE OF PERSON TO SAY NO TAKE BACKSIES

BUT 

im not saying no 

i wanna get to know u better

:))

u ARE

and jesus christ shshshshs what are u gonna be doing then

and ofc i am??? WHAT LED YOU TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE??

and good

cos i wanna get to know you better too 

:))

probably smoking weed with evan im ngl (do not snitch on me i swear to god)

and yeah i really don't know it seems very much like you

im very glad :))

ur making me jealous stop it now i wanna skive off and i HAVE IMPORTANT TESTS VEFORE CHRISTMAS BARTY (ofc i wouldnt darling)

thankyouthankyou im tkaing that as a compliment

:))

DEAL WITH IT JAY 

do ur important tests or whtv boring

(hot)

it wasn't meant to be but okayyyy

:))

I DONT WANT TOOO 

i feel like im getting goaded into skiving

and it's working me and moons are going up to the dorms rn

(thankyou)

how rude of you

:))

JAMES AND LILY CHAT:

13:10

SHE SAID YES SHE SAID YES SHE SAID YES SHE SAID YES

OMFG

OMFG

OMFG

OMFG

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU LILS

YHATS FUCKING BRULLIANT

CELEBRATORY SMOKE?

OF FUCKING COURSE

IM ON MY WAY WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

AHHHSWHEHSHSHSHS

JAMES SHES MY GILFRIEND

OLAYLOKAY REMUS IS HERE TOO

ABD DHEJEHENDNDBD 

I CANT EVEN THISNIS SO FUCKING BRILLIANT

I LNOW I KNOW I CAN BATELY BELIEVE IT MYSELF

IM SO HAPPY JAMES I SWEAR TO GOD

AFTER ALL THIS I FINALLY HAVE HER

ANF I CAN KISS HER WHEENVER

(with her permission obvs)

AHHH IM SO FUCKING HAPPY DOR YOU TOO

YOU CJA YOU CAN 

(ofc bro)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMG 

OMG

OMG

OMG

OMG

IM GONNA BE TALKING ABT THIS FOR THE REST OF THE FUCKING DAY IM WARNING U NOW

I WOULD BE SUPRISED IF YOY DIDNT

AND TOU BETTER

SHES UR GIRLFRIEND FLAUNT HER

SHSBSBSHSHS

DIM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

THAMKYOU THANKYOU

IM SO HAPPY FOR ME TOO IM NGL

ALSO

IM

JERE

bout to let u innnnn

BARTY AND JAMES CHAT:

13:15

SHE SAID YES 

MY FRIENDS CRUSH SAID YES

AHAHAHAHSHSBS

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

IM SO HAPPY FOR HER

KUDOS FOR HAVINT THAT CONVERSATION TOO

MUST HAVE BEEN DIFFICULTTT

IT PROBABLY WAS 

AND YESSS

ME TOO

SHES OVER HERE WITH HER GIRLFRIEND HAVINT A CELEBRATORY SMOKE

ARENT U GLAD I MADE U SKIP NOW??

I AM I AM THANKYOU SWEETHEART

SHSMSSNETABSHE

OMG

JDJSDHEN

AHHHH

DO U HAVE A LIKE SOFT SPOT FOR SWEETHEART OR SUM HOWVER U WORD IT IDK

YES YES I DO

OF COURSE YOU DO

REG AND BARTY CHAT:

13:22

REGGGGGG

reggg

reg

regulusss

reggie

babyyyy

regggg

what?

Im in class barty

okay you know the guy i've been texting

yhyh whatever

HE CALLED ME SWEETHEART

oh for fucks sake

amazing love now i have CLASS

tell evan this ur with him

i have

he was very clearly bored :(

just because i only started talking to him three days ago does not mean this isn't rlly cool

You don't even know the guys age 

yes i do he's 17

in seventh yr

OKAY BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE HIM 17 BARTY

HE COULD BE A CATFISH

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE

JESUS CHEUST IM SURE HIS FRIEND WAS BETTR THAN THIS

ANDDD I GOT  APICTURE OF HIM HUGGING A TOILET BUT STILL

omfg u give me a hEADACHE

safe some for me for later and just idk flirt with ur lover boy 

ofc :)

give evan attention and stop texting me when im IN CLASS

fine fine and i aM giving him attention

i doubt that.

fuck yourself.

no thanks. x 

Chapter Text

15:03 the next day

ugh sooo glad schools done for the day

SO FUCKING TIRED

HOW ARE YOU TIRED

u stopped classes halfway thru yesterday

and "went to bed" at 9

yeah? that does not mean i slept

okay-

im not gonna ask 

i feel it's dangerous asking

you would be correct

ugh

anywayssss

how was the rest of class??

boring asf

history SUCKS

the guy just reads from a fucking textbook??

like what does he want from me

HES BORING ME

im not gonna listen and learn if he's boring me

you make a fair point

History does suck

why do no teachers ever put in even a little effort

lile every other teacher tries and then they just READ FROM A TEXTBOOK that's a million years old or filled with long words

i want to marry you.

i couldn't have put that better

amazing

its only been a few days sweetheart give it a while and then i'll marry you

but only if u propose with taylor swift

anf thankyouthankyou

ik im just great

fuck OFF

omg

but yes i will propose with taylor swift how else would i propose

now i really want to marry you

rhats the best thing i have ever read

awww thanks x

anytime

anyways

ur classes after lunch was just history

nahhh english

lowkey sucked

but oh well

english does not suck but alr

i will let this pass

english does not suck but today it did

it was like a fuking library lesson

and the librarian HATES ME

with a PASSION

shes a bitch idc

and my reading level is actually really fucking high and she never lets me take out what i actually need to tead

and then gets angry cos i don't read the stupid fucking books i get given? like im in my second to last year and you cant give me the 7th year books??

if we find out we're in the same school (highly unlikely but still) then i'll give you my books

or i'll just buy them for you i am rich

anywayd she does sound like a bitch tbf

I bet she complains about you not reading high enough books to do

hit the nail on the head with that one

and you'd do that?

u rlly dont have to

ofc i woild?

im RICH i can do what i want

ill send em somewhere over holidays or smth

TJANKYOU SO SO MYCH

ill send you the list soon thankyou so much <3

OMG I GOT A HEART

anytime <3

ofc <3

anwyays ppl always think i hate reading

cos im loud and i smoke a lot and i get distracted easily

but i do like a good book i cant lie

<333

Good for you honeslty

Moons and red always have their head in books

i wasn't a big fan but moony does recommend some that find rlly good

anf fuck people they shouldn't make assumptions

<333

Thankyou and i agree

but yeah people who read a lot always have good suggestions

Reg recommends a lot and the only other person who properly reads reads non fiction :(

<333

They do they do

and WHO READS NON FICTION

DORCAS DOES

WHYYY

she likes to know a lot loves it 

it's quite odd tbf but they really like just knowing stuff

shes so fucking powerful i swear

could probably be a good detective if they wanted to

that's a GOOD reason why

and yeah they sound it

woild be good too cos i imagine you'd learn a lot on the way

and it'd never be normal yk

yeah that's what i thought

but they love psychology

and biology so i assume she's going to be a physcologist or smth

they definitely had the brains for it and has a good way of breaking down information so everyone knows the info

thats really fucking cool

she sounds like a fucking superhero

she really is

<333

<33 

im gonna fo watch a movie with everyone, i'll speak later yeah? 

yeah of course :)

MARAUDERS GROUP CHAT:

15:30 

{sirius}: PRONGS WHERE ARE YOU

{james}: STILL ON MY WAY BACK

{sirius}: HOW??!?!?

{sirius}: DO YOU HAVE A NEW FRIEND!?!?!

{james}: NO?

{peter}: LIES??

{james}: FINE 

{james}: YES YES I DO HES THE PEROSN IVE BEEN TEXTING HAPPY NOW??

{peter}: yes (pronouns?)

{james}: ugh (he/him)

{sirius}: IVE BEEN REPLACED

{remus}: calm tf down PLEASE

{peter}: NO JAMES HAS COMMITTED A HIGH OFFENCE TOWARDS THE MARAUDERS 

{james}: NO I HAVENT

{sirius}: HAVE SO

{peter}: HAVE SO

{remus}: No he has not 

{remus}: he can have other friends

{sirius}: NO HE CANT???

{peter}: ^^

{james}: I HAVENT BETRAYED YOU

{james}: HES JSUT ANOTHER FRIEND

{james}: AND ITS ONLY ONLINE

{sirius}: hmmmmm

{sirius}: what do you think wormy

{peter}: we can let him off so long as he gets to the dorm NOW??

{james}: FINE IM OUTSIDE

{remus}: so fucking dramatic i swear

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT:

17:55

heyyy

heyyy still with ur mates (and boyfriends?)

heyyy and yes but the movies boring me

what movie is it??

despicable me

HOW IS DESPICABLE ME BORING

IM SORRY

ivr watched it SO MANT TIMES JAMES

SO MANY TIMES

i mean makes snese

i still cant eat pot noodles bc i got fed it for like two weeks straight 

Two weeks?!?!?

jesus christ

mum and dad were away and this babysitter could NOT cook

mum was livid when she found out

god

never again

omfg

what did ur mum do?

threatened to call police for child neglect or smth

fired him and told him not to speak to us again

goddamn ur mum is HARSH

its not good to be on the other side of that i stg

i mean she's lovely she is and she usually just tells me to go to my room but godamn 

shes FIERCE

i can tell

how come she didn't end up phoning police?

have no fucking clue

remind me i'll ask her when i next call

okayokay sounds good

thankyou x

anytime love

anywyass how are ur friends 

their good

evan and reg are talking and cuddling (they're just mates)

pandas fully engrossed in the movie

and i assume dorcas is texting their girlfriend (with her head in pandas lap tho)

sounds quite affectionate

and dammm

and ur texting me :))

i thought that was very clear

but yes im texting you :))

also okay so ur dating evan and reg sooo are they just best mates?

yeah rlly close

they already spent a lot of time together but now they spend even more 

so yeah but i don't think they'd ever be more than mates

fairs fairs

that's pretty cool though

it is it is :)

PANDORA AND BARTY CHAT:

18:42

{panda}: who are u texting???

{barty}: just a guy i started speaking to recently

{barty}: it's not a big deal

{panda}: never thought i'd see the day YOU say "it's not a big deal"

{barty}: oiiii what's that supposed to mean

{panda}: that ur a big gossip

{panda}: you know that shut up

{barty}: IM OFFENDED

{panda}: you should be

{panda}: anywaysss who are you texting??

{barty}: just a new friend pan

{panda}: i dont believe you

{panda}: have u flirted with -pronouns?- yet? 

{barty}: (he/him) and maybe

{panda}: oh no

{barty}: what???

{panda}: ur either gonna fall for him or already have 

{barty}: ITS ONLY BEEN A FEW DAYS PAN 

{panda}: yhyh im always right don't argue with me

{panda}: ur just proving my point

{barty}: i hate you

{panda}: so petty just cos im right 🙄

{barty}: ur NOT right

{panda}: i always am

{barty}: UGH

JAMES AND SIRIUS CHAT:

18:47

What are u doing?

still ditching us for your new friend

let it go padfoot

UR HARDLY PARTICIPATING IN GROUP PRANK SESSIONS

bc im BUSY

with ur new friend

traitor

uGH

Chapter Text

14:54 a week later 

heyyyyyy

heyyyyy

wyddddd

with reg and  Evan 

our mates ditched us for one of their girlfriends

how dare they :'( 

but im glad u get to have like just u lot time

me too even tho we are also in a dorm and we spend agES together

im glad :) thats rlly good

thankyouthankyou

if u dont mind me asking what's ur sexuality or whtv U RLLY DONT HAVE TO ANSWRR IM JUST CURIOUS ITS FINE IF YOU DONT WANT TO 

it's okay don't worry about it 

Im pan and poly and trans but im not completely out so none of my friends know but moons and lily

well my friends know im trans but no one else does i managed to get surgery and stuff rlly quick considering im in the uk

wbu if u dont mind its fine if not

coolcool i'll make sure to remember so i don't tel anyone

and that's fucking brilliant that u got stuff quickly especially in the uk :)

im bi but i have a rlly strong preference for men 

and im also polyamorous if u couldn't tell

my daddy issues prly helped out with that but idk that's just what reg says 

i mean he might be right and thankyou :) i rlly appreciate it

no problem :) 

and yeahhh he might be but he cant say anything dhsjsje

omfggggg ofc

anywaysanyways have y come round to porridge yet?

no.

i'll never like porridge

SO BORING

says the one that likes WHEETABIX

soo?? it's great and nutritous

if reg was the one to text you he'd be rolling his eyes at every single thing you've said 

that's soooo nice of u (and him) /s

it rlly is we're so sweet /s

i bet ur friend group is LOVELY

ehhhh

pandora (they/them mainly) is soooo much nicer than us and is like constantly smiling?? at strangers too they love smiling at strangers and getting a smile back makes their day every time

they sound sweet :) 

Bet they're the type to make flower crowns as well

they are :)

dorcas (they/she) is not....as nice. The only person their nice to is her girlfriend who they're and absolute simp for. But they're quite like reg ig?? very sarcastic and just not a people person considering that their girlfriend is quite loud and social

thats how relationships workkk tho uve got to have a nice one and a mean one its balance /lh 

i mean ur not wronggg regs meanest, im inbetween and then evans niceee speaking of:

Evan (on of the bfs) much nicer than me, dorcas and reg. loves to judge teachers on their clothes tho it's like his fav thing other than achieving in getting reg to bunk with us and his bad side is not a nice one i'll tell u thay

who doesn't like judging teachers on their bad fashion sense it's like their asking for it??

saw a teacher with plastic cheese like shoes and it was HORRENDOUS 

also pads does that sooo much loves getting moons to ditch class

nah fr they always have the worst fashion sense especially the substitutes

and it is fun succeeding to do that

Reg (other bf) is not nice rlly. He's only rlly nice to Panda because they've been friends ages and it's impossible not to be nice to them? But he's very sarcastic and very closed off if he doesn't trust you or like you but he's a softie really just doesn't show it as much

moons would LOVE him 

and panda sounds amazing i cant

omg tell me abt ur friends next i'd love to hear abt them :) and moony can take him he's a pain in the ass sometimes

i will i will :) i could talk abt them ALLLL day and so is moons (hes so mean) 

yayyy and ofcofc

AND MEEEE i would love to say im nice but im rlly not im very loud and quite mean to ppl i dont like i dont rlly tolerate ppl who are mean to my friends and that and cna seem quite closed off and that. Im only rlly nice to u, evan, reg, panda and dorcas and im rlly not nice to dorcas' girlfriend (vvvvv protective LMAO) 

that makes sense djdjdh and i do the same to marlene's gf 

and awwww im on the list :)))

ugh i hope that doesn't give u an ego

already have one :))

ANYWAYS

me friends :))

ofc u do and continue

okay this is longgg so i apologise 

Sooo first off Lily (she/her) she's the smartest fucking person i have ever met and uncommonly kind. But she knows when she's being bullshited and she just knows everything she won't take shit from anyone. She's funny and very fierce and sweet too, takes care of everyone she wants to/can. She likes to take the piss ones she knows you though and can do anything she sets her mind to.

she reminds me of panda a lot

in the best way 

and she sounds fucking cool

she really is and she would :)

Okay next is Mary (she/her). God mary is everything. She's very street smart, knows what people are doing knows what the fucking body language is. She knows when people lie and all of that shit. Very good at getting information out of people idk how she does it but she does. Shes sweet if she wants to be but she has like an off switch to it? idk but i'd hate to be on her bad side (and trust me i have been). Shes fucking powerful i'll tell you that and so strong? Shes so short it really doesn't make sense.

Its always the short ones jay you should know that

And i really hope i never get on her bad side

I never want to be

Good it's TERRIBLE

And then theres Marlene (she/they). They're fucking dramatic I'll tell you that but in a good way like effortless? Very good with style you can tell she knows what they're doing at like all times. Gets really flustered around their partner though. Doesn't much like class but is still so fucking gifted in everything and picks up on langauges so fucking quick (has the best impressions.) She learn french just because my mate spoke it on call a few times and they were curious. So fucking smart i swear but she uses it for mischief which i have to admire.

I like them. She seems really really fucking cool.

Aka I need to be friends with them asap please

stop trying to steAL my friends

pls dont do a cheesy pick up line i swear

....i wasnt going to

sure sure

anyways then theres Sirius (all prns) is like a fucking brother to me (they prefer brother) and god we met at 11 and have been best friends since. She lives at my house with mum and dad and is basically their child djdjdj He's dramatic and lowkey stupid and we come up with the best pranks ever :) Theyre stupidly affectionate with eVERYONE and are obsessed with eyeliner and all the flair and shit

REGULUS AND BARTY CHAT:

15:28

reg? reg? reg? it's rlly important

we're in the same room

yh it's important reg

what?

yk the guy i've been texting?

yeah?

i think he's the james that's bsfs with ur brother 

excuse me?

HE MENTIONED OUR SCHOOL SOUNDED SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE HIS

SND THEN SAID HIS MATE IS SIRIUS AND THEY LIVE IN THE SAME DORMS AND HES IN 7TH YR

IM RLLY SORRY I CAN STOP SPEAKING TO HIM

i cannot believe you

but don't stop speaking to him that's...mean or whatever

but fuck just dont fucking say anything

okay okay i can do that im so sorry reg

its okay barty not ur fault

but it's fine it's the push i need to speak to sirius ig

ive been rlly avoiding them since yk i got outed and shit

are u sure u want to speak to them? 

yeah yeah im sure

ill speak to her tmr or whatever 

i love you im rlly sorry

but im rlly proud of you tho :)

i love you too and don't apologise it's fine 

and thanks i'll tell you how it goes 

okay i love you

i love you too

BARTY AND JAMES CHAT:

16:01

im so sorry for the late reply but reg texted abt something important

she sounds really cool im glad u met him

snd u do pranks??? kindaaa immature

dw abt it's fine :)

abd yeah im glad too

ITS NOT IMMATURE ITS COOL

WE HAVE GREAT STORIES AND A GREAT PRANKSSS

omg keep telling urself that love

okay im going to stop blushing over that and tell u abt remus :)

is 'love' ur weakness?

yes anyways

Remus is one of my closest and best friends, he's just ugh. Sarcastic and witty and loves reading more than anything (apart from us maybe) and studies so much, also smokes way too much weed but don't tell people that he can get in trouble. Hes also rlly fit and was my first crush and my first kiss LMAO and tbf we still platonically kiss. Everyone finds it weird but it's just an us thing yk? Anyways he's always cold and not super affectionate but is with Sirius and tbf he does have to take a lot of days off cos of a medical condition but he tries his best to be in classes a lot

I like the sound of him and ur right reg and him would love eachother me and padfoot would prly get ditched

And i won't tell anyone i also smoke a lot of weed (my whole friend group does) 

also him and sirius sound like couple goals or sum

yeah you would prly get ditched LMAOOO 

or like moony would just steal most of his time or smth iDK

and so does mine but idk me and marlene don't smoke as much as the rest but it's still a lot lmaooo good thing most of us are rich (the only time i'll flex it tbf)

snd they are make me jealous

i could fix that ;)

and yeah you should see pandora they are the worst of us

they don't get his personality from nothing 

flirting again i see

and that makes sense shsherrhe the same goes with remus 

ANYWAYS ANYWAYS

Then there's peter (he/they) and omg the funniest person you'll ever meet, always cracking jokes and almost always at the worst time and it's always getting us into trouble with minnie. They make food thats almost as good as my mums and he has the best style sense?? for like no reason?? he doesn't date but theyre always seen with someone at a party and they have the best gifts and always knows what ur feeling at any given time is WEIRD. But he's funny and he doesn't take things to heart and just they're amazing 

and jesus i nEED to meet them also whos minnie??

and peter seems FIT if u dont mind me saying

tbf they are FITTT 

amd im glad im glad ;) 

WHOS MINNIE?!? MINNIE IS THELOVE OF MY LIFEEEE 

(she's actually a professor and she is not the love of my life it's a joke lmaooo she is actually professor mcgonnogal)

oooooooo

and WAIT PROFESSOR MCGONNOGAL 

u go hogwarts?

....yes

i also go to hogwarts

WRF WAIT HOUSE? WHATS UR HOUSE???

....slytherin

nOOOOO

OMG

NO

im a gryffindor

i can tell by that reaction

....:)

WAIT UR A WIZARD??

YEAH UR A WIZARD??

YESS 

oh god thank fuck library lesson was just free period with madame pince and restricted stuff she tells me off for not reading

i figured sweetheart

oh shit that means u know the people im on abt-

wait 

dorcas?!?!?

marlene?!?!

OMG UR THAT BARTY

UR THAT JAMES??

OMG MARLENES CONSTANTLY GOING ON ABT HOW MEAN Y ARE

AND RHEN DORCAS SLAPS HER OVER THR HEAD

YEAH AND DORCAS ALWAYS SAYS HOW ANNOYING Y AND SIRIUS ARE

OH SHIT WAIT UR THAT BARTY

WAIT 

THAT MEANS 

FUCK

???

I UH GIMME A MIN

REMUS AND JAMES CHAT:

17:04

REMUS HELP

I DID SMTH REALLY STUPID

what NOW?!?

yk the guy im texting?

barty?

...yeah?

he might be dorcas' barty

aka regs barty

aka sirius'  brothers barty

OH YOU FUCKING IDIOT

HOW?!?!?

HOW??!

HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!!

IDK BUT WE JUST FIGURED IT OUT MAYE IM SCREWED

OUT OF EVERYONE OFC IT HAD TO BE YOUR BEST FRIENDS BROTHERS BOYFRIEND

IM SORRY IM SORRY

UGH FFS WE'LL TLAK ABT THIS LATER I HAVE A STUDY SESH W LILS AND MARY 

okok bye rem i love you

...i love you too prongs

Chapter Text

The next day

07:26

Morning love

Morning jay

How was ur practice if u had it

Very good but i cant say anymore bc u are officially on the enemies side

idc abt quidditch

yes but ur bf does

omfg

jesus christ

u lot and quidditch

...yeahhhh

weve got 4 of us on the team :)

Im a chaser obviously, marlene and sirius  are beaters and mary's the keeper. 

Jesus that's a lot of you

Regs a seeker and Dorcas is chaser

I know i know

theyre both good don't tell them i said that

mhm u winning?

oh yeah gryffindor beat hufflepuff then hufflepuff lost to ravenclaw and then slytherin beat ravenclaw (close match tho). And the gryffindor vs ravenclaw is coming up just before christmas and then the matches are MUCH farther apart cos it properly matters then

jesus fucking christ

well done no one?? 

texhnically ur not winning james?

no one is

except hufflepuff is losing

oi we are very much winning thankyou

and yes hufflepuff have never won in my whole time here

yeah cos their so fucking nice it gives me a headache

ur grumpy this morning

this is really early for me and i havent had my morning fag

then go have one?

cant yet bc regs the only one who can do the spell and he's not fucking waking up omg

just go outside on ur way to the great hall?

i cant do that the professors will see me james

can i meet you? I know a way

hmmm fine 

but im leaving reg and evan a note

bc im a great bf

i don't doubt that

anyways hurry up i don't wanna be seen near slytherin common room too long they'll think im doing a prank

yeah yeah im on my way

By the time Barty made it out of the slytherin common room, James was already there with one hand in his pocket and the other scrolling on his phone. He didn't notice Barty even coming into his line of sight until he was right infront of him.

And he was fit. So bloody fit Barty wonders why and how he didn't notice him before. And how he just completely ignored him for 6 years of his life. 

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." James says abruptly, smirking.

"Of course you'd be the type to say that. Now please hurry up, I don't want to be rude to you."

James' face breaks out into a grin then and he bows before lifting up, holding out his hand. "Then I shall escort you down, your majesty." 

Barty cant even stop himself from laughing and grabbing his hand. 

"Piss off, Jay. I'm not a Lord or whatever the fuck." James had started walking and they were both going through the large castle that is Hogwarts.

"Isn't Regulus a lord?"

"Hmmm technically I think."

"Omg. Doesn't that make you a technical Lord then?"

"Oh for fucks sake! No. Absolutely not I am not a Lord."

"Ehhh aren't you?"

"Ugh shove off. I've been with you 5 minutes and I'm already about to shove you into the Black Lake."

"It is Winter, Crouch! You can't do that!" 

"Well I can. It wouldn't be that hard."

"But you won't." James is swaying their entwined hands together.

"Yeah yeah if that's what helps you sleep at night."

"Alright, grumpy, we're almost there."

They were on the field before Barty even knew and all of a sudden Hagrids Hut was rapidly approaching. Barty squinted wondering why the fuck James was taking him so far away and towards the forbidden fucking forest.

"Potter where are you taking me?"

"Just past the clearance of the forest. Don't worry about it, I go here all the time."

"Why would you go here all the time?"

"Reasons."

"Ugh. These sticks are a fall hazard."

"Okay you're acting like a Lord now, it's nice I promise."

They reached a little lake not far in and James tugged him down, grabbing a pouch of tobacco, filters and rizla out of his bag and starting to roll.

"You can roll? You don't seem the type."

"I like it, especially rolling a lot at a time it's quite mind numbing."

"Mhm. I can never concentrate enough and my fingers just don't want to help me out."

James snorted and Barty hit him lightly on the arm, laughing lightly. Of course James would find that funny. He seemed the type to see 69 and laugh. 

James held out a cigarette. "There, now you can stop being a grumpy guts." 

Barty took it with a roll of his eyes and lit it with a snap of his fingers, happy with the audible gasp he got in return.

"What the fuck? How do you do that? Barty that's really advanced what the fuck?"

"Just one of my many talents."

"Do mine, do mine."

Barty laughed and clicked his finger, James' cigarette lighting up in an instant. "Jesus christ you must know how you sound."

"Yeah yeah, thanks."

"Don't worry about it, thanks for rolling it would've been a disaster if I did."

"Mhm anytime."

It was quite cold and a little bit frosted but Barty didn't seem to mind. He was focused on the shimmer of the lake and James' nice lips and James' exhale that made him look really hot. Really hot. Extremely hot. How was someone this attractive this early in the morning? He would've barely spoke to anyone usually but now he's admiring James Potter of all people. What has the world come to?

"Stop staring, Barty, you've forgotten to ash it. Oh for merlins sake."

James leant over, snatched it out of his hands, ashed it, took his own drag and then gave it back.

"What the fuck. James you cant just take my fag?"

"I can and I just did."

"Well that's- that's rude."

James chuckled and took a drag of his own cigarette. "Great comeback, darling."

"Oh fuck off, its just early."

"Yeah yeah whatever you say."

"Anyways, arent I supposed to be the clingy, flirty one?"

"No, what gave you that idea?"

"I was the one who started flirting! Im the initiator, Jay!"

James tutted. "That does not mean anything?"

"Aghhh! That's it I am throwing you in this lake." Barty said standing up.

"No no no no don't throw me in! Please Barty I dont know how to do a drying charm!" James said inching backwards towards the tree. 

"Admit Im the flirty one then." Barty said, standing over him.

"Fine! Fine you're the flirty one please don't throw me in."

"Pussy." Barty said sitting himself down between James' legs and leaning backwards to rest on his chest.

"Be nice to me." James said, wrapping an arm around his waist, his hand easily finding Bartys.

"Hmmm no."

JAMES AND REMUS CHAT:

where tf were u this morning??

woke up and u were GONE

and ik its not training day

yeahyeah on walk 

bs 

ur lucky im texting ypu

i could say this out loud if u wwnt

FINE i was with barty

why????

he was grumpy cos reg was asleep and he couldn't have his morning fag

toom him to that small lake thing in the woods and we just hung out

why is that so sweet

wtf

why does my partner not do this for me???

HOW IS THIS FAIR

prongssss

bc pads wouldnt know a romantic date if it slapped her in the face

snd whattt

want to get reg to date me instead??

apparently we would get on well

no???

ONVIOUELY NOT MOONS

ugh

guess im stuck w them then

no shit sherlock

whats up ur ass this morning

nothingggg

im good

rewlly fucking happy im ngl

im happy for you prongs that's great 

glad it's working out

were not dating

never said u were

but ur defo head over hills

i mean rewlly prongs??

that was ROMANTIC

okay maybe i am

BUT LIKE

OKAY

HE THREATENED TO THEOW ME IN THE LAKE DONT ASK

SNR THEN JUST AHH

JUSY

LIKE CUDDLED W ME KINDA AND LET ME PLAY WIT THE RINGS ON HIS HAND

HAHABSHSHSHS

MOONY IM DYING ITS SO HARD TO STOP MY FEELING BURSTING OUT OF ME LIKE A BALLOON

i fucking knew this would happen

also who knew barty could be SWEET???

sounds lovely tho prongs 

snd who says u have to 

IDK BUT HES FUCKING LOVELY I AM PROPER GAY PANICKING REM

and mE i dont want to scare him off

I CAN TELL PRONGS ITS OKAY

and fair enough but he sounds enamoroued

he probably wouldn't be scared off

MOONY U KNOW HOW I AM

ysahyeah wedding planned within 5 minutes i was there

but seriously i dont think he'd be scared off

hmmm okay

i trust you

dont completely trust this

but oh well

its gonna be fine regardless prongs

me and lils are always here for the gay panicking

ofcofc

i love youu

i love you tooo

EVAN AND BARTY CHAT:

soooo

you wanna tell me about ur loverboy³

and what u two did ;)

shove offff 

we did nothing 

bullshit

FINE

OKAY

I couldnt have my morning fag cos reg was asleep

so he took my to the forest (A LAKE WAS THER OMH)

and rolled us one eacj

AND THEN HE PLAYED WITH MY RINGS EVAN AND WE LOWKEY CUDDLED HELP

okay that does sound cute

but also u just followed him into the fUCKING WOODS

DANGER BARTY

yeah yeah whatever 

focus on the nice things

idk HOW ur dating three people id be busy 24/7

WE ARENT DATING

uh u text him more than me??

its so rude

cue the if ur saying I play favs ur wrong I love all my *boyfriends* equally

idc for Evan :(

ur such a dramatic twat omgggg

says u?

AND UR NOT DENYING IT WOWWW

I am denying it

I dont play favs

but yk idk him well yet and if he cut me off I wouldn't be like unconsolable or sum shit

id never get over u and reg if we broke up

I love u both so fucking much it hurts

awwwwww

thats actually rlly sweet

if I told 3rd yr barty 6th yr barty is in two committed relationships w another one bound to happen soon

hed slap me round the face

ok ouch

u didnt even say I love you back </3

my heart is forever broken

I love you too

and I love u so much it hurts too

is it weird that sometimes its like I want to crawl in ur skin or???

nono I feel the same

likeI CANT GET CLOSE ENOUGH YK

EXACTLY

IM SO GLAD U GET IT I CANT

ME TOO ME TOO

wanna have like a date night or smth later on?

j  us or w reg?

whatever u want to do <3

UR SENDING A HEART???

What has loverboy done to u

u never send hearts

but maybe just us?

ugh

that makes me sound bad

anyways yeah im sending hearts now get uSeD tO iT

and yeah sure ill tell reg to go to pandas w dorcas or smth

I look forward to the hearts

and yeah :) 

sounds good 

I love you

I love you too 

Chapter Text

12:15 the next day

Hello hello

good night w Evan?

hellooooo

yes it was nice to spend time with him just us yk

yeah :) im glad u both got that time 

me too me too

and I didnt have to watch despicable me

so fucking SICK OF THAT MOVIE

oi stop dissing despicable me

I will continue diss despicable me

ive watched that movie millions of times

its bORING NOW

yhyh whatever 

ur wrong

anywyas

what did u watch then?

im going to let that slide JUST THIS ONCE.

but we watched scary movie 1 & 2

good choices

brilliant movies idc

I agree I agree

theyre the only movies I can watch all day every day without getting bored

do I feel bad for despicable me or do I agree?

both

anwyays we loveee Disney movies in our friend group

as u should as u should

everyones favourites???

regs- tangled and Beauty and the beast for the sole reason that he kins rapunzel and belle

should I be concerned

probably

evans- aristocrats and 100  Dalmatians

DONT ASK I RLLY DOMT KNOW WHY OR HOW

not bad choices

I haven't watched aristocrats in YEARS

good movie though

agreed it is good

pandoras- sleeping beauty, despicable me (dk if it counts) and princess and the frog

princess and the frog <3

WHEN RAY DIES I CANT TEARS IMMEDIATELY

it is fucking sad I have to agree

but I love the voodoo mans songs

ME TOO 

so good

anyways continue

dorcas- brave and sleeping beauty

mhmmhm good choices

they cry at brave though-

WHO DOESNT??

oh not u too

ofc me too? 

I cry at most movies tbf

checks out

me- emperors new groove and meet the robinsons

YESYESYESYES

IM SO HAPPY U KNOW AND LOVE THEM

OH GOD THEYRE SO GOOD??

EXACTLYEXCTLY

IM SO GLAD U KNOW THEM

IM GLAD U KNOW THEM

THEYRE CRIMINALLT UNDERRATED

AGREED AGREED

okay but the fucking scenes w his mum in meet the robinsons

cry every time.

ih god me too

Im SOBBING when he just goes back

and the end scene i CANT

IT HURTS SO MUCH

LIKE HE GOT HIS FAMILY

I canr even taking abt it makes me feel like im abt to cry

lowkey me too

it HURTS

oh god we need to have a movie night pleaseee

OFCC????

U DONT EVEN NEED TO ASK

YSYYY

wait whats ur friends and ur fav Disneys?

oh god 

sirius- the little mermaid 

sings Ursula's part very well though I must say

yeah that makes sense

remus- toy story 1-3 

he hates toy story 4 

dont mention it

he will go on his toy story rant

fair enough

its too much

they should've just left It at toy story 3

oh god as much as I agree the person u talk to abt this to is remus

ah we'll have some good conversations

im sure im sure

okay Peter- ratatouille and big hero six

makes sense makes sense

theyre very good movies I must say

I agree they are

however I cannot deal w the start of ratatouille

me neither

marlene- maleficent 

she lovesss maleficent (the character) shes her #1 fan

AS SHE SHOULD

MALEFICENT DESERVES BETTER

I AGREE I AGREE

Mary- miss peregrines home for peculiar children and princess diaries

ofcofc 

miss peregrines home for peculiar children RULES

agreed agree (and the book is rlly cool too)

omfg

reg and dorcas read it and said the same

ofc its great?

Lily- Alice in wonderland and alladin

oooooooooo

thats actually rlly fucking cool

never met someone with those movies as their favs

oh she loves them sm 

it is a bit unusual but thats just lily

....I could say the same abt panda

damnnnnnnnn

our friends>>>

I agree I agree

and my fav is cars hands down 

how and why?

its fucking brilliant??

anywaysss class time :)

aCTUALLY GO TODAY

I will I will

also quick question (s)

....yh?

can hogsmeade be a date?????

YES 

OMG

YES

YAYYYYYY

omfg

okayokay

class

I have to go this time 

as much as I agree yes class

why do u HAVE to go?

......

cos u asked

DWIJGKSLGBEUOJZNFSM

AWH OMG

AHEHWGRHSXB

olay imma let u gay panic on ur own x

mhmm xxxx

JAMES AND LILY CHAT

13:10

okay wanna tell me why ur gay panicking?

BKSHNMRGEHBNFWHEUFK

..okay

let me see the chat then

*screenshot*

*screenshot*

OH

MY 

GOD

OMG

EXACTLY EXACTLY OGJBSM,DVBJKSM

COS U ASKED OMG JGERNM DSHVJDRUHIGJ

I CANT

I CANNOT

AHHHHHHH

I CANT

I JSUT

OMG

IF I DONT KISS HIM SOON I WILL DIE.

I CAN SEE WHY UR SAYINF THAT

ALSO DATE DATE DATE DATE

AHHHHH

IM MAKING A GC

WE'RE TELLING REMUS

REMUS LILY AND JAMES GROUP CHAT

13:17

Whats this?

*screenshot*

*screenshot

WHAT THE FUCK OMG

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

MY REACTION EXACRLY

ITS SO HES SO I CANT

I AGREE I AGREE

PLEASE I CANT WEJNDBS 

I JUST CANNOT SO HOT 

I CAN TELL I CAN TELL 

GODAMN

IF MARY DID THAT ID FAINT ON THE SPOT OF SUM SHIT

IKR

PADS WOULD NEVER BUT IF HE DID 

GODAMNNNNNN

IK IK IK IK IK IK IK IK IK IK

IM VERY MUCH NOT OVER IT AT ALL

AND HES SO FIT TOO

SOOOOO FIT

AND FLIRTY AND HE WEARS RINGS

AND HE LETS ME PLAY W HIS RINGS

LILYYY

NO CLUE WHAT UR ON ABT BUT RINGS ALWAYS MAKE A PERSON FITTER

OH GOD

OKAY YESTERDAY MORNING WE WENT TO THE LAKE IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST

AND WE LOWKEY CUDDLED

AND HE LET ME PLAY WITH HIS RINGS

AND HAND

AJDN SDIOVXKSDJNKV

IM NEVER GETTING OVER IT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMG 

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

IT REALLY DOES

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT:

15:25

u  alr now?

ehhhhhhhhhhh

better

got to talk abt it with lils and moons

ofcofc

what else was I expecting

I honestly dont know

anyways

heavier topic

but reg and sirius are going to talk again today

yeah he said

I hope it goes well

seeing as sirius is a bit emotionally constipated

yeah ive heard

reg is the same though

mhm 

runs in the family

but yeah ive spoken to sirius bout it and remus has spoken to sirius about it

and Peter said a bit and then marlene said SOMETHING but it seemed to work better than both me, Peters and remus' talks

im glad u lot have spoken about it

regs spoken to pandora and dorcas most, talked a lil abt it to me and Evan but thats about it

im glad he can speak to people about it

me too

they deserve to have good people in their life

they really fucking do

anyways onto a lighter topic

bc I have a feeling we'll both start worrying too much if we do

yesyes

agreed

HOGSMEADE

DATE

!!

ofc thats the first topic that comes to ur head

yesyes anyways

DATE!!!

DATE!!

okat but tbf my only real plan is getting a new phone

wait

the books u want

I can get em

are u sure???

yess ofc im sure

sure sure?

sure sure

okayyy

so phone store, bookshop

three broomsticks?

sounds like a plan

its a date :)

yesyesyesyeysesyesyesyes

im rlly fucking excited

me tooo

its gonna be so cool I just know it

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

19:23

{dorcas}: whats this I hear about a date barty

{pandora: yeah and why didn't u tel uS

{barty}: HOW DO U EVEN KNOW

{evan}: .......

{regulus}: .........

{barty}: TRAITORS

{evan}: WE'RE EXCITED FOR YOU

{barty}: why???? ur two arent going on the date

{dorcas}: well we could be 

{barty}: NO 

{barty}: PLS DONT CRASH MY DATE

{barty}: /SPY ON ME DONT DO IT

{regulus}: we have to?? its our jobs to make sure it goes well

{barty}: you can hear about it afterwards

{pandora}: no fun

{barty}: oh shush

{evan}: oi dont speak to panda like that

{barty}: fuck off I am being ganged up on

{dorcas}: good

{regulus}: good

{barty}: so mean to me

Chapter Text

10:34

omw x

see u soon x

Barty was down the stairs as soon as James saw the message and in his opinion, it gave him way too little time to prepare. Maybe he was overthinking but he was worried. It'd been going so well so far and James didn't want it to be ruined. He fell hard and fast every time and it usually ended in a broken heart.  Alex had met him halfway through his first year and James would have have done anything for them within a day of them meeting eachother and they used that to their advantage. And then came Lily and he was so stupid to keep holding out hope that they'd be together like James dreamed about, even though she told him explicitly she wasn't interested. He always got so caught up in his feelings that he forgot what was right in front of him; reality. He wanted to avoid that with Barty, not that he thinks Barty would do anything to hurt him. He just doesn't want to end up hurting himself.

Looking into Barty's eyes he doesn't think he'll have that problem. It helps to have him there, someone he knows won't hurt him even if it's only been a little time. 

And even though James knows that Barty could look into his eyes and see the hurt, looking into Barty's reflects the same. He sure he's already hurt. And that helps a bit. That he's with someone who knows how it is to hurt and be forced to be cautious. Even though Barty has two other boyfriends, he knows that he knew them since first year and that the trust had been heavily built up. He has a feeling Barty is finding this as scary as he is. But he's certain it will be alright. He trusts Barty, even with their limited time spent together.

"Hey, you alright?" Barty said, ice blue eyes full of care and worry. 

"Yeah, I'm good. Want to get on our way?"

"Sure, can I hold your hand?"

James grinned, entwining their hands. "Of course."

The two made their way through the dwindling path away from Hogwarts and towards Hogsmeade, content and chatting about nothing and everything the whole way. The sun was miraculously out and shining down on them and even though there was still a winter breeze, it was hot enough to not need a coat. It was the perfect weather, almost as if the Earth decided they could have a day off.

Hogmeade was packed with students, the sound of laughter and chatter travelling towards the pair standing at the gates. Everyone seemed to have taken the opportunity to go, it being so close to Christmas. James had already gotten everyones christmas present and Barty had insisted that the books were his Christmas present and that if he dared buy him another one, he really would throw him in the Black Lake. 

"Okay where to?" James asked, turning to face Barty. He really was very pretty, his hair a deep brown and eyes the colour of ice. He had silver snake earrings in and his hoodie was just low enough to see the siilver chain reaching his collarbones. The hoodie itself was hung loose on Bartys frame, no doubt someone elses and his ripped black jeans and black converse fit with the outfit well. His hands were adorned with the same rings he had on when they went to the forest and a pink and green bracelet could be seen. Barty was single handedly the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

"Phone shop, bookshop, three broomsticks? Just so we can avoid the queue that's already formed." James nodded still looking at him, transifxed. "Oi Jay, you're supposed to be listening to me not oggling."

James looked back up, happy at the eye contact. "You're gorgeous."

Barty turned a nice shade of pink, lips turning up into a smile. "Thanks, love. You are too. Now come on, I need a phone."

The two made their way to the shops they needed to go to, wading their way through the crowd. The phone store was a success even though it did take quite a large portion of galleons. The store worker transpherred the things from Regulus' phone to Bartys new one and then they set off to the bookstore, having never once let go of eachothers hand. 

The bookstore was fairly quiet for the busy Saturday and fourtunately didn't have a queue. It was a small store with books on every surface you could see. But it was still fairly organised and the two found it easy to find the books Barty wanted. He was still a little unsure on letting James buying his books for him but James left no room to disagree. They payed for the large stack of books and put them in a bag with an extendable charm on it that James has no clue how Barty did considering it really wasn't taught until seventh year.

They reconnected their hands and made their way to the Three Broomsticks after that, bickering about who'll pay for lunch. James didn't seem like he was backing down any time soon and by the time they were seated, Barty had given up on arguing any more.

An overwhelming need to be close to him washed over him before he even knew it. He wanted to display as many types of affection as he knew and he was finding it very difficult not to ask James if they could hold hands again. Maybe it was childish but it's Bartys biggest way of showing that he cares. Dorcas had said that its probably because he didn't get much affection as a child, only the occasional hug from his mum. His dad never really like him, even as a child and his mum never really let him go out and make friends. The person who actually introduced him to physical touch was Pandora, the first day they met. She gave him a hug and told him how pleased she was to meet him and Barty was quite confused as an eleven year old with very little knowledge on what affection and attention was.

But since then, he had been really clingy. To all of his friends and boyfriends (when they allowed it). And the urge to be almost unbearable affectionate and clingy was coming in strong.

Before he even had time to think about what he was saying, he'd asked if he could hold James' hand again.

James grinned at that, his honey eyes warm. "Of course." He took Bartys hand in his and traced patterns absent mindedly on the back. "What'd you want to drink?" 

"Butterbeer?"

"Food?"

Barty found his face starting to hurt from smiling so much. "Burger and chips, if that's okay?"

"Of course it's okay, Barty. And good idea. I'll be back in one minute, okay?"

"Yeah yeah, the people round the bar say different."

"Aww will you miss me?"

Barty rolled his eyes and lightly kicked James' foot under the table. "Never, now hurry up."

"Ow? Also that's very contradicting, sweetheart." Barty kicked him again, feeling himself start to blush. Sweetheart really is his weakness. "I'm going, I'm going!"

He pulled out his phone for a distraction and wasn't surprised at the group chat blowing up.

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

11:30

{regulus}: y'all are so sweet its actually disgusting

{dorcas}: who the FUCK says yall

{regulus}: I do stfu

{evan}: anyways barty if u read this before we've told you

{evan}: we teamed up with his friends and are in the same pub

{regulus}: EVAN WE DONT TELL HIM THAT TILL AFTER HE COULD GO ON HIS PHONE THEY HAVENT EVEN ORDERED FOOD YET

{regulus}; also does anyone else think James and barty are way too fit to be together?

{evan}: agreed theyre both an annoyingly fit couple

{regulus}: RIGHT???

{dorcas}: pandora stop ignoring us we know u can see the chat

{pandora}: i will play no part in this

{dorcas}: YOU ALREADY HAVE

{dorcas}: u are here with us chatting to pettigrew you are very much a part of this

{pandora}: oh hush he's looking at the texts

{barty}: where tf are u???

{barty}: THE TWO GROUPS PUT TOGETHER IS VERY BIG HOW CAN I NOT SEE YOU

{regulus}: bc we're fucking brilliant

{dorcas}: dont try looking u wont find us

{pandora}: they said dont try looking why are u trying to look?

{barty}: u hush

{barty}: wait did u fucking cloak urself w magic

{barty}: ik exactly where u are LEAVE

{evan}: no x

"You alright?"

"Our stupid friends are nearby." Barty said with a huff.

"Yeah but we expected that, love. We can get them to piss of later." James said, piss off being considerable louder than the rest and clearly to the people he knew were nearby.

"I can feel the magic radiating of where they are. How did I not pick up on it earlier?"

"Me too and you were distracted with the pure hotness infront of you obviously."

"I don't think thats why, darling but whatever you want to believe."

"You're so mean."

A small chuckle escaped Bartys lips, "If you think I'm mean, you're gonna find it hard when you inevitably speak to Regulus."

"Oh he'll love me the second he meets me."

BARTY AND REGULUS CHAT

11:32

no I wont

omfg

AT LEAST DONT LISTEN IN???

"He said he won't."

"Ah covering it up already."

Barty started laughing and soon James began too, at some point forgetting why they were even laughing in the first place. His stomach hurts but just feels so light around James, he knows he can fully trust him with everything and he's only known him about a month. He's only ever had that with his friends, Evan and Reg. 

"Merlins balls my stomach hurts." James complained clutching his stomach.

"Merlins balls!?!?"

"Yes."

And that sets them off again and they keep on setting each other off until their food arrives. They eat with small smiles, talking mildly about stupid things. Barty feels their group of friends leave half way through and he assumes James does too by the look of relief on his face. 

They finish up and James pays and they set off back to Hogwarts, both trying to be as close to each other as possible but on their way there, Barty had a brilliant idea.

"Jayyyy?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me if I'm overstepping but would you like to stay the night maybe? We can do movie night and smoke and you might end up meeting Regulus and Evan but if you're uncomfortable with it, it's fine. I can get them to leave us alone and you can say no obviously but-" 

"I'd like that a lot, Barty." James interrupted, a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

"Can I hug you?"

James nodded with a grin, opening his arms and enveloping Barty in a hug. His heart gave a swoop when Barty nuzzled his head in his neck and rested his head on his shoulder. The two stand there embracing for what felt like hours. Hugging Barty was something he never wanted to stop doing. 

"Oi, Prongs!" He heard Sirius shout.

For fucks sake.

He half pulled away, keeping an arm around Barty and the other holding his hand. "Hi, Sirius.

Sirius and Remus stopped infront of the two, the both of them smirking. "See you're having a good time." 

"Oh fuck off we know all of you were spying the whole time even though I took the cloak."

Barty shot James a confused look that James ignored, too soon to tell Barty about one of his most prized possessions that most people thought didn't exist.

"Yeah apparently Dorcas and Lils knew some spells. But anyways, it's what every good friend would do."

"I didn't spy on yours and Moonys first date.

"That's because you knew better." Remus interjected.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Why are you here?"

"Wondering when you're going to go to the dorms?" 

"I'm not, staying the night at his."

"Coolcool."

"Yeah okay I'm gonna go catch up to Lily, wear protection, stay safe, have fun all that." Remus said walking off.

"REMUS! WHAT THE FUCK, REMUS!" James shouted as Barty and Sirius doubled over in laughter. "That's not funny, stop laughing!"

"Its very funny actually." Barty replied.

"You're supposed to be on my side."

"Never said that."

"Hello, Crouch." Sirius said eyeing him suspiciously. James groaned inwardly.

"Hello, Sirius." Barty said, eyeing them with the same suspicion.

"You hurt him or Reg, you're dead."

"You hurt Reg again or James, you're dead."

James saw it then. The anger switch in Sirius' eyes go off. "Piss off or I swear to merlin I will-"

"Okay thats the end of this lovely chat, Sirius go after your boyfriend, yeah?"

Sirius dragged her eyes away from Barty. "Yeah, yeah whatever. Have fun, Prongs, stay safe."

James let out a sigh as Sirius left, playing with Barty's rings. "Sorry about him, she's just Sirius."

"It's fine, James, wanna go smoke in my dorms?"

James smiled, taking his arm away from Bartys waist and switching hands before they both started walking. The walk to Barty's dorm was spent in a comfortable silence, the both of them enjoying just being close to each other. 

REGULUS, EVAN AND BARTY CHAT:

19:34

y'all done yet?

ah well you see

I kinda invited him to stay the night sooo

Oh fuck yes

we are allowed to stay right?

yeah he said he didnt have a problem with it

oh my god

can I be mean?

please dont be

I really cant be?

none of u can be

f ine.

whatevs

when can we come to the dorm?

whenever?

neither of us care when tbf

u have asked him right?

yes I have

im not that much of a dick reg

hm okay

on our way

"Hey, love, Reg and Evs are gonna come up if thats okay?" Barty said, James looking up at him from where he was lying against his chest and between his legs.

"'Course it is. Hand?" James reached up waiting for Barty to link their hands together, which he did with a smile on his face.

James hummed contently, playing with Bartys rings. He couldn't help it, they were just so pretty. There was a specific snake one that James especially liked, loving to run his fingers down the curves and scales. It seemed bigger than it was which was saying something as it ran down from the start of Barty's finger to the first knuckle. It was just so Barty but also so not Barty to wear  and he loved that about it. 

The door opened then, James still not tearing his eyes away from their loosely entwined hands. 

"Barty it stinks of weed, what the fuck? At least use the fucking spell." 

"Oh Regulus cut me some slack. You know I don't know how to cast it."

"Oh fuck off, you could've at least opened a window or lit some of Pandas incense that they so kindly make for us for this exact reason."

"Reg, no one cares. Why hasn't your loverboy³ said hi?" 

He finally dragged his eyes away and turned his head towards Regulus and Evan. Regulus had long, black curly hair drifting loosely to his shoulders and storm grey eyes that gave off the impression of being bored but even though his eyesight was a bit foggy he saw the hint of mischief and interest in them. Him and Remus really would be good friends. Evan had sandy hair, long on the top but shaved close to his head everywhere else. One eyebrow was raised and he looked like he was enjoying either what was to come or what was happening.

"Hiya." James said, a small smile on his face.

"Hey, James." Regulus said at the same time as Evan said, "Hello Bartys loverboy³." 

Maybe his brain was making it up but Evans sentence didn't really make sense.

"Okay leave him alone now, you said you'd be nice."

"Excuse you? We are being nice?" Evan said, holding a hand to his heart in mock offence.

"I can tell you're going to be rude soon."

"How?" Regulus asked sitting on what James presumed was his own bed, it was much neater than the others.

"You have the glint in your eye, cut it out seriously. You can be rude when he's not stoned out his mind."

"Oi." James said drawing his eyes back up to Barty. He seriously was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

"It's true, hun."

"Disagree. But I do wanna watch something, what should we put on?"

"Aristocats!"

"Beauty and the beast!"

"Meet the Robinsons!" They all said at the same time.

James laughed. "Who the fuck likes Aristocats, Evan? And Meet the Robinsons is the obvious choice, sorry not."

"I like Aristocats? It's a good movie? I mean I don't agree with some things in it but it's still a good movie."

"Hmmm. I mean I haven't watched it in years to be fair but Meet the Robinsons will always take second place along with Emperors new groove."

"What's first place?" Regulus asked.

"Cars obviously."

"Now who the fuck likes Cars, James?" Evan said, grinning.

"Me. It's the best. Anyways, wheres my phone? I need to text Lils."

"Here." Barty grabbed his phone off the side and passed it over with the hand that wasn't occupied. "I'll put the movie on yeah?"

"Yeah, Thankyou."

"Anytime, love."

LILY AND JAMES CHAT

13:52

helloooo?

bestie hows it gone?

15:33

this is just plain rude

stop fucking ignoring me omgggg

17:21

BRO

ANSWER ME

pls dont say u let him hit on the first date james

even tho I would accept that as good reasoning to IGNORING UR BSF

19:11

HELLO?????

ur rlly starting to worry me nowwww

19:49

.....hello

HELLO TO YOU TOO MISTER

ANSWERS NOW

well ur rlly dirty minded, we were not having sex

and we've literally just been watching movies

reg and Evan just got here too

okay well I wouldnt put it past u to get railed on a first date

oh fuck off

anyways

what are reg and Evan like?

hot.

very unfairly attractive

Evan is clearly nicer (?) idk

ofc theyre hot everyone you know is hot

and fairsfairs

whats reg like then?

they really arw

and hes just a little more closed off

prly more sarcastic idk

oh no

thats ur type james

oh piss off no it's not

nd u can u not???

thats the person I am on a date withs boyfriend

im sure he wouldnt mind 

he'd probably agree too

anyways 

have fun

uPDATE ME

yeahyeah

also

would u ever be interested in having another girlfriend?

I dont know?

why?

no reaosn

u are weird omg

but I wouldnt mind

huh 

good to know

byeeeeee

vyeeeeeee

see u in the morning/noon

see u in the morning

Chapter Text

18:44 two weeks later (aka the day before the hogsmead date)

ONE. MORE. NIGHT.

ONE NIGHT BARTY OMG

We did establish this earlier yk

but yes one more night :)

then u get to see my pretty face again ;)

ofcofc

AND IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT

U ARE ALSO VERY FIT IF I HAVENT SAID SO BEFORE

im looking forward to it too love

and thankyou :) ur quite fit urself 

SDVUHOJERBNJKV,SDSVNDJKM,

thankyou :))

oh god if ur like this now im scared to see what ur gonna be like on the actual date

......:)

tis fine ig

alsoalso

theres a high chance mt  friends/bfs will spy on us just saying

oh thank fuck u said it first

bc mY friends are almost definitely going to be spying

Im taking two of the important things with me but idk they'll find a way

oh god

so if either of us mess up we're SCREWED

pretty much yah

im expecting marlene to be rude to u btw

cos now she can be rude to your face with valid reasoning

oh yeahhhhh

expect the same from dorcas

I WASNT THAT MEAN

no apparently ur constantly annoying her

that doesnt mean they can be mean :<

oh god

why do I like u again

no clue babe

jesus christ

:)

anyways that doesnt mean that they can be mean to meeeee

in their brain it does

can u stop her???

afraid not

the whole group agrees with them im very outvoted

THIS IS SO RUDE

IM VERY NICE

ur very flirty*

only with u sweetheart

ur past says diff

yeah but I havent flirted with anyone since we started

oh damnnnn

thats damnnn

subject change???

yes pls

ok anyways so does that mean ur whole group is gonna be rude to me?

ur saying urs wont be?

toosh

touchè

toosh

TOUCHÈ

TOOSH

TOUCHÈ JAY

TOOSH GRUMPY

IT IS TOUCHÈ JAMES.

NO IT IS NOT IT IS TOOSH

Its touchè james

eh I dont agree

omfg

piss offfff

ur wrong

ur so easy to wind up

oMg

:)

MARAUDERS AND CO GROUP CHAT

19:01

{mary}: James just as a heads up we will all be spying on u and ur loverboy

{james}: yeah I expected that

{james}: already warned barty and he said his friends will most likely be doing the same

{marlene}: good

{marlene}: ik dorcas already told me but like good u need supervision

{james}: IT IS A PUBLIC DATE?

{sirius}: so?

{sirius}: you two are not to be trusted

{peter}: I have to agree

{james}: oh shove off

{james}: we're only going to hogsmeade

{remus}: famous last words

{james}: MOONY UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

{remus}: I have never said that

{james}: it was IMPLIED

{remus}: no it rlly wasnt

{marlene}: ah remus my fav mean husband

{rsirius}: you are literally a lesbian

{sirius}: and the "husband" ur talking about is MY boyriend

{marlene}: so?

{marlene}: ur bf my husband mate

{sirius}: nonono

{marlene}: yes?

{sirius}: fuck off he loves me better

{remus}: when did I ever say that?

{mary}: yeah and marlene u have a gf?

{marlene}: she is not in this chat and its a PLATONIC marriage

{james}: yk I could send this to barty to show her right?

{marlene}: NO?? PLS DONT

{james}: ill think abt it

{sirius}: yh and I can send it to reg

{marlene}: I hate u all

{marlene}: sm

{sirius}: nah u love us 

{marlene}: I rlly dont

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT:

19:40

please I can now blackmail my friends (marlene)

how and why

bc she knows I can send shit to dorcas now

and because its fun

fair enoughh

id do the same 

ofc u would

now whats that supposed to mean huh

nothingnothing dw

I dont believe you buttttt okay

:)

awwww glad we've gotten to the point where u can let me get away with everything

yeahyeah not whats happening

is so

no?

yes?

maybe

definitely

its only because I like you

awhhhh

ur finally admitting it <3

iVE ADMITED IT

have u?

yES?

huh

OI 

Im just joking u make it very clear

and ur very lovely

thankyouthankyou

godamn if you told younger me that he would not believe you

eh same goes

guess we were all cunts when we were younger

truetrue

glad most of us have become better people though

most of us?

snivellus is definitely excluded.

marry me please.

I

you are the best

is me talking abt how I hate him a turn on for you potter?

no?

it does make me more attracted to u tho

if u said that u loved snivelly and think that hes the best or sum shit

I might've been a bit put off

....

very put off

I can 100% agree

anyone who likes him is BLIND 

and has  problems 

EXACTLY

like hes openly cruel and bigoted and has a great history of not caring about any of his friends

and really hurting everyone he knows in such twisted, sadistic ways

FRRRRR

hes the worst I swear

and no one ever smiles around him

all of his friends ditched him

including lily who from what ive heard is fucking amazing

and that speaks VOLUMES

YESYESYESYESYESYES

and she is she's one of the best and strongest people I know

and he was such a cunt while saying he loved her at the same time

and its total bs

he just wants to hurt people

or at the very least he recognises it and does nothing to change his behaviour

and certainly doesnt want to

and he seems to loooove blaming everything on you

when he had many many good options and amazing people around him

even tho he hates u and u have a rivalry does not mean he cant be a good person

he had lily for ages and she's very clearly a great role model and a brilliant person

he had so chances to be a good person and chose not to several times

and SO many people have called him out on it

some have even tried to help him become better

and its allll been wasted because he cant even take responsibility for his own actions and change himself

I need to marry you

HIT THE NAIL ON THE FUCKING HEAD

I hate people like that

the only reason they avoid this shit is to make themself feel better and always dont care if it hurts anyone else

exactly its gonna hurt but they need t face the weight of what they've done and become better

and I need to marry you too

you have the exact same viewpoint as me on this

its a very good viewpoint

and lowkey a needed one

yesssss

I think its needed especially when u grow up

bc we all do dumb shit as teenagers

and if we dont look at what we've done, take responsibility and change for the better we'll be stuck making the same mistakes again and again

FRRRRRRR

yes

and itll just be an endless circle of feeling bad for urself, feeling bad for the ppl u hurt, not bothering to change bc it hurts too much to think and and them making the mistake again

but at that point its become a choice

theres a very thin line between a choice and a mistake and its very clear u learn it before u become an adult

I agree

its like the line between love and hate yk

but prly more important

and that cycle sucks for everyone I rlly dont understand how people can make those choices again and again without even bothering to try and change or do something yk

I get ya

its just so much easier to face the bit of pain and self growth and shit to help eveyrone

including urslef

like it feels so much better knowning that ur better then u were yk

yeah it really does

takes a while but so worth itt

frfr 

it's rlly nice to see ur growth yk?

yeah it really is 

anyways

i agree wholeheartedly with you

well i agree wholeheartedly with you

you know what ur on abt ykkk

i know for a fact uve worded it that way to avoid complimenting me 

so im gonna ignore it and say thanks darling 

:)) x

alsoalso

what?

DATE TMR BARTY

IM

GONNA WAKE UP AND GET REASY 

AND GO ON A DATE EUTH YKU

yesyes that is what's going to happen

byt yes :) 

how are you cALm

oh no im shitting myself but ur freak out helps me x

okay lowkey rude

is it?

yes

anywyas

go to sleep it's late i don't want you oversleeping

only cos ur asking x

but fine

goodnight love :)

oMg

goodnight grumpy :) sweet dreams

sweet dreams x 

JAMES AND SIRIUS

08:34

SIRIUS 

HELP 

THE DATS SOON AND I CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT THR FUCK TO WEAR

SND UR GONE

I WAS BUSY??

BUT FINE IM COMING UP

THANKYOUUUUUUUUU

KMG

EXCITED?

YES BUT ALSO SHITTING IT 

YEAYEA EXPECTED

ILL COME HELP U OUT LOUD MUSIC TOO

AND ILL WALK HALF DOWN W U

BUT UR PRONGS U CAN DO THIS

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU

OH MY FOD I LOVE YOU THANKYOU

I LOVE YOU TOO PRONGS

NOW LETS GO 

Chapter Text

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

09:21

{barty}: Bro LOOK AT HIM

{barty}: *insert image of James curled up on Barty and asleep*

{pandora}: OMFG 

{pandora}: WTF THATS SO CUTE???

{barty}: I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW OMG

{dorcas}: simp

{dorcas}: but that is rlly fucking sweet im ngl

{evan}: they were rlly fucking sweet all night cas im used to it now

{regulus}: they didnt even kiss which is lowkey weird for barty

{barty}: why were u watching us regulus?

{regulus}: curiosity

{pandora}: yeah yeah but u seriously didnt kiss at all?

{barty}: no? whats so weird about that?

{dorcas}: its j not ur usual style

{barty}: fuck off hes too nice for that shit

{regulus}: excuse me?

{evan}: ouch??

{barty}: okay let me rephrase

{barty}: u two are tough, mean cunts

{barty}: he'd probably crumble if I stopped talking to him for 3 days after a fight

{regulus}: insulting but true

{regulus}: he does look like he has the kicked puppy look down

{barty}: exactly

{barty}: if i even slightly hurt you two ud be 100x worse

{evan}: proud of that icl

{barty}: prly shouldnt be proud of that but i am

{evan}: :)

{dorcas} sometimes i wonder how and why im friends with u lot

{regulus}: ngl me too

{pandora}: ouch?

{dorcas}: oh no no not you we love you

{regulus}: no ur the best of us panda we don't mean you at all

{barty}: nono panda we love you <3

{evan}: we love you the most dw

{pandora}: awwwww <3

{pandora}: i knew you all loved me the most

{barty}: you're right as alwaus

{barty}: anywaysss hes getting up so like byeeeeee *in mathew from big mouths voice*

{dorcas}: byeeeee *in a better mathew voice*

They'd fallen asleep at about one in the morning after going through everyones favourite films or well as many as they could. James had burrowed Barty's clothes to sleep in and had used the spare toothbrush that Regulus literally labelled to say 'James'. They spent about an hour and a half just chatting with eachother before everyone started to get hungry and then James and him went down to the kitchens to get a shit ton of snacks for an extended movie night. They managed to stay awake a few hours and then Evan went, James falling asleep not long after him and Barty spending half an hour whispering to Regulus before the both of them went to bed too.

Barty really didn't think it was possible for James' hair to get any messier but somehow it was. It was literally all over the place. How someone can have hair this messy, Barty doesn't know. But it was cute. James had just woken up five minutes previously and had immediately hidden his face in Barty's neck mumbling about a dream he had. 

"Mornin' love," Barty said, waving his fingers in James' hair.

"Mornin', how long you been up?" 

"Not long, maybe half an hour?"

"Wait what time is it?"

"Half nine."

"Jesus christ. I'm always up super fucking early what is this?"

"Ah its because you're here with me, of course."

"You know what, I think it is. I like sleeping here with you obviously not in a weird way."

Barty smiled, feeling James do the same. "I like you being here."

MARAUDERS AND CO GROUP CHAT

11:02

{remus}: james have you fucking heard

{remus}: james come back right now idc if u are literally in the middle of getting fucked u need to hear the absolutely outrageous news

{james}: ....what?

{remus}: THEYRE DOING ANOTHER FUCKING TOY STORY THING FOR BUZZ

{remus}: CALLED LIGHTYEAR

{remus}: THEYVE FUCKING RUINED IT JAMES.

{remus}: LOOK AT THIS SHIT *link to lightyear trailer attached*

{peter}: please save us prongs this shits been going on for an hour

{sirius}: siriusly its been hell

{james}: what. the. fuck.

{james}: WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO BUZZ MAN

{james}: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE WHAT THE FUCK

{james}: WHY CANT THEY JUST LEAVE TOY STORY ALONEEEE

{remus}: EXACTLY THANKYOU PRONGS

{peter}: traitor.

{mary}: jesus fucking christ

{mary}: i need to get new friends

{marlene}: new ones arent much better, can confirm

{mary}: so im stuck with this lot forever

{marlene}: yup

{sirius}: okay ouch

{sirius}: rather rude of you too

{mary}: who cares

{sirius}: ur supposed to be my bestie4life

{mary}: nahhh

{mary}: what gave u that idea

{sirius}: i hate you

{mary}: love ya too

{remus}: you lot are weird

{lily}: agree me and remus arent like that are we

{remus}: oh definitely not

{marlene}: yeah ur worse

{marlene}: im so lucky MY friendship with yall aint as weird 

{sirius}: u have james and peter

{sirius}: that shits weird on its own 

{peter}: ouch

{james}; so fucking rude of u

{james}: ur supposed to be my brother from a diff mother </3

{lily}: i mean tbf what you two have is weirder than anything else so

{sirius}: rude but true

"Stay here longer please," Barty whined as James made to get up. James immediately flopped back down into Bartys arms feeling him trace patterns on his back.

He was still wearing Barty's clothes and had no plans to take them off anytime soon. Despite James being about an inch or two taller, they still fit loosely and comfortably and even the joggers fit well. If James could, he'd just steal every piece of clothing Barty owned but thought the better of it. They wouldn't smell like him if he did. 

Barty had taken to playing with his hair whenever he could and James fucking loved it. He loved the little things in a relationship like wearing their clothes and cooking together and all of that normal coupley shit. He likes knowing the small things and being able to do things that he knows his partner would like. He likes showing them off and meet the friends type shit. He likes forehead kisses and rings and the circle on the back of the hand thing. He's only ever ibn a relationship for the long haul and while he falls hard it takes him a while to get fully used to a relationship and having a person. But when he does, god it's the best thing ever for him and hopefully his partner too.

"You alright there?" 

"Yeah, did you hear the news?"

"What news?" Barty looked down at him skeptically, clearly coming up with hundreds of things James could be talking about.

"Lightyear, here let me show you."

"What the actual fuck," Barty said as soon as he had watched the trailer.

"I know right."

"The fucking animation style, James, what have they done to him?"

James laughed. "I don't know but they've made him really fucking ugly ain't they?"

"Yes! They've made him look so bad, I don't even care, that is horrible. There's no way people are gonna watch that shitshow."

"I don't know, it does seem popular." James grimaced at the words himself. He really hoped the movie would fail horrendously. But it's Toy Story and even though Toy Story 4 was a piece of shit, in his opinion, loads of people loved it.

"Don't say that. How can anyone even think of liking that rubbish?"

"No clue, sweetheart. It looks like a fucking train wreck."

Barty hummed, trailing his hand down from his hair to the back of his neck and finally under his chin, tipping his head up lightly and giving him plenty of time to back out. James' heart gave a jump, hoping that this was going in the direction he really hoped it was going in. 

"You know that's my weakness, love." Barty took a pause before continuing, "Can I kiss you?"

James had barely said yes before the Barty was kissing him. And oh merlin. It was literally everything you could ever want in a kiss and Barty was holding his face so carefully, not like he would break but like he just wanted to be careful with him.

It was clear how much Barty liked him just in the kiss. Barty had clearly made sure of it. And James knew he was kissing him just to kiss him. Just because he wanted to. And that alone made his heart soar more than the fact that Barty was kissing him; the super hot and sweet and funny Barty who he could talk to all day and night and never once get bored. Who showed him in so many ways that he cared about him and who James already trusted. 

He really didn't want to pull away but the sight of Barty made it worth it, with messied hair and red lips. Merlin, it just made him want to kiss him more and more and more.

LILY, REMUS AND JAMES GROUP CHAT

16:04

so what have u been doing

uve been IGNORING ME JAMES

hes been ignoring me too

its very fucking rude

bro????

OKAY OKAY I CANNOT KEEP THIS SHIT IN ANY MORE

WE SNOGGED

A LOT

THATS AS FAR AS IT WENT THO DWW

AND OMG IM DYINGGGG

IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE THO OFC

IM WALKING BACK AND TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP MY FUCKING COOL

WHAT

OMG

WHY TF DIDNT U TELL ME EARLIER

THIS IS AMAZING????

OMH

OMGGGGG

AHHHHHHHHH

JESUS CHRUST

OMFG

YUP MY REACTION EXACTLY

I CANTIM DYING

HES SUCH A GOOD KISSER TOO???

ITS UNFAIR HOW DARE HE BE THAT HOT AND NICE AND FUCKING FUNNY AND SUCH A GOOD KISSER HOLY FUCK

I-

I MEAN WELL DONE PRONGS

BAGGED A GOOD ONE

REMUS?!

ANYWAYS SDIJBEWJFNSJNKES

IM SO HAPPY FOR U MATE

THANKYOU OMG

CAN WE MEET IN THE DORM SO I CAN NON STOP LIKE GUSH (????) OVER HIM

YES???

You dont even need to ask 

YAYYY

okay gimme five minutes to get my shit together

nonono absolutely not I need to see you without ur shit together thanks

REMUS AND BARTY CHAT

19:21

hello 

hello???

its remus hi

oh shit hi 

okay first of all u hurt him you die

I am not joking

I would kill, live and die for prongs and I am not against killing you if u hurt him

yup fairs okay

okay good

now

*insert video James screaming into a pillow*

*insert picture of James smiling at his phone*

*insert video of James hogging a joint talking about Barty with a grin while lily keeps trying and failing to steal the joint back*

I-

OMG

THOSE ARE THE BST THINGS THAT I'VE EVER BEEN SENT OMG

PLEASE

HELP THIS IS THE BEST

yeahyeah im so cool ik

anyways its been hours and hes almost non stop pls save us

of course of course

byeeeee

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

19:39:

awww were u talking abt me to ur friends???

nono wtf are u on abt???

...

who told u that

what the fuck

.......

it was remus wasnt it

that bitch

so u were talking about me

and I like ur smile especially the one when you look at my texts :)

oh my god

but thankyou :)

mhmm 

its cute

what do u tell ur friendssss

you don't need to know

DO NOT TEXT REMUS ISTFG

BARTY AND REMUS CHAT

19:43

so what does he talk abt

.......

you obviously

I know thattt

but specifics he won't tell me :(

all you need to know is that hes a simp

and its pretty much non stop compliments

thankyou moony ur my fav

ofcofc

*insert picture of James trying to stop the fire in a kitchen, sirius and Peter at the side laughing and remus midway through shouting at James*

OMFG.

YOU ARE THE BEST.

I knowwwwww

Chapter Text

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

10:55

heyyyyy

good morning <3

ohhhh

hello James its regulus 

oh shit hi

whats baryts numberrrr

*insert number*

thankyou so much

I forgot y'all switched phones or whatevs

did you just say  y'all?

.........yes

thank fuck someone else says it finally

I get judged by my stupid friends all the time

oh thank god

mine too they hate it :(

nah fr

its so annoying

like its easier to say why wouldnt I say it??

EXACTLYYYYY

its so much better as well

agreed agreed

anyways ill let you go now bye

byeeee

JAMES AND THE ACTUAL BARTY CHAT

11:15

heyyy

I totally didnt get the number wrong

oh shit im so sorry I thought id given it to you

dont worry abt it sweetheat

how are uuu

good 

trynna change before class starts

why do u need to change?

Snape came near me and Im afraid of having his grease on my clothes

jkjk some first year spilt water on me

HFEWSDHNSD

loving the Snape hate keep it up

and dam sucksss

normal clothes or uniform??

normal clothes since mcgoogles let me off

MCGOOGLES?!?!

.....yes

im stealing that.

I-

okay

wait what do u call her then?

Minnie and on occasion mum

MUM?!?!

WHY TF DO U CALL HER MUM

she's very motherly

no no she is npt

she issss

and I said on occasion

do u have mummy issues?

no

but sirius does obvi

but no x 

okay

but like

its like calling sluggy dad

ewwwww 

wtf thats gross

exactly

I have daddy issues and id never do that

exactly

also howdoes that correlate

both of those teachers do not have parental features or whtv

Minnie does 

ugh

whatever helps u sleep at night

wait do u still have my hoodie

maybe

why??

no x

no why

no x 

yk I can just take the hoodie away right

fine

it smells like u 

and its nice

stfu

aww

thats cute x

:)

tell me when u wanna switch them out yh

yeah :))

thankyou <3

anytime love

REGULUS AND JAMES CHAT:

13:10

heyyy

hi?

why are you texting me?

bored

and i told barty to go to class :(

should i be offended or?

also he listens to you???

nah and yes he does

do u think calling minnie mum is weird?

well thats rude he never listens to us when we tell him to /lh

yes

but i can see why you (and sirius) would do that so

ofcofc im superior innit

yeah we are see through icl

barty found it weird :( 

and compared her to sluggy

i- 

anyways

they are incredibly diff

first difference: mcgonnogal cares 

so yk 

thankyou exactly 

slug just wants free shit and name drops ngl

agreed but how the fuck would u know that?

ive never seen you spend any more time than necessary with him

and havent seen you at the slug parties

ah i am friends with lily 

and she spends a lot of time with him

so i get to hear what he's like 

and gross why tf would i go to his parties

fair enough

i didnt think about that

and bc 

well i don't know but it's not the worst

i would disagree but oh well

cant knock it till u try it

omfg 

soooo

what are u doing?

in the dorm waiting for everyone and shit

im off ill lmaooo

oh shit i hope u get better soon

and everyonesss gone?

yes 

panda has divination, evan and barty are both in dada and dorcas is in potions i believe

how did u lot become friends w dorcas??

considering theyre in the year above

showed me ev and barty around first year

we started talking while them two fucked about as per

and then she found us just annoying enough to be friends with and started hanging out w us ig

makes a suprising amount of sense

and tbf from what ive heard u, dorcas and pandora arent the annoying ones

eh we can be when we want

fairs

how did u become friends w pandora then i think theyre a ravenclaw??

met them in a compartment first year

hugged all of us and said how nice it was to meet us

and then we just became good friends bu about a week later; they were very persistent

but they spend a lot of time in our dorms as ravenclaws are haughty and judgemental 

oh dammm

thats rlly nice actually we had that with remus but the other way around lol

ravenclaws rllu don't act nice to pandora

yh they rlly dont

and what happened w remus?

ofcofc 

we met him on the train but he mainly ignored us in favour of finding shit out abt the magical world or whtvs

and then he was completely done w us when he saw the dorm bc we were annoying apparently

i agree w young remus

fuck you

anyways then it took a few months and a lot of being stubborn and persistent for him to relent and be out friendss

no thanks barty can tho

and that makes sense he still carries the done w  u lot look

jesus fucking christ ur as bad as the rest of them w the jokes abt me and barty 

and yes he does :( but he is our mastermind so i cant be too sad 

hes ur mastermind??

yes

remus lupin "fuck off and stop annoying me you cunt" is ur mastermind?

yes??

whats so unbelievable abt that??

he seems more like the one to stay vehemently against ur antics

ooooh big words

ans no he comes up with at least 50% of them and studies for 99% of them too

do u not know what vehemently means potter?

and damn 

yk what that makes more sense i've never seen sirius willingly study for anything in her li fe

ofc i know what it means its just a big word

and yeah no he doesnt at all unless they're like really invested in a prank or he genuinely doesnt know what the fuck shes supposed to be getting taught in class

but they usuallly realise half way thru and stops sooo

no its really not?

and yeah that makes sense

she just hates academics i swear

yes it is???

and agreed if they were a muggle hed be a painter

tbf i wouldnt be suprised if she still ended up being a painter

no its not??

and yeah i can see that

that would make a lot of sense

you should talk to him about it

it really is??

yeah i will maybe ill get wormy and rem on the case too

okay why tf do you call peter wormy

ah thats for me to know and for you to never find out :)

anyways class timeeee byeee

byeeee

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

15:56

{regulus}: okay ur not going to belive this

{regulus}: but i had an actual conversation with potter while u lot were gone today??

{barty}: he came round the dorm?

{regulus}: nah love he texted me

{barty}: oh shittt

{evan}: hes going for both of you?? damnnnn

{regulus}: no he is not

{barty}: i mean i wouldnt complain

{regulus}: barty????

{barty}: whattt??? i wouldnt its the truth

{dorcas}: jesus fucking christ

{dorcas}: call me when either (or both) of u fuck him and leave his name out of this poor group chat

{barty}: DORCAS?!?!

{regulus}: DORCAS WTF

{dorcas}: i spoke the truth and nothing more

{evan}: i have to agree with her i mean

{evan}: if u searched up james in the chat thered be too many messages to read

{dorcas}: exactly

{dorcas}: reggie clearly has a crush

{regulus}: NO I DONT?? I JUST SAID I TALKED TO HIM??

{dorcas}: oh shut up we all know youve been oggling since first year

{regulus}: how about u fuck yourself and stop making this a bigger thing than it is

{barty}: pls calm dow

{barty}: this isnt a big thing if u like him and want to date him ur welcome to as well as me obvi

{barty}: but if he doesnt or doesnt wanr to say dorcas its fine

{dorcas}: since when are u the reasonable one wtf???

{regulus}: ^^^

{barty}: yhyhyh fuck off

{pandora}: the classes uve actually started going to mustve helped

{barty}: oiiii

{pandora}: it is the truth and nothing but the truth

{pandora}: anywaysss on to my thing

{regulus}: you have a thing??

{pandora}: yes keep up

{pandora}: okay sooo

{pandora}: lily and mary have been flirting w me since like idk

{pandora}: but its like boosted??

{pandora}: and is so much more intense or whatever i swear if i have to keep doing nothing im going to lose the plot

{evan}: you already have but JESUS CHRIST

{evan}: why did we have absolutely no clue abt this??

{pandora}: i swear i told you

{barty}: uhhuh totes

{barty}: but dayummmm

{barty}: go get em tiger

{barty}: help i regret the last sentence immensely pls forget i said anythin

{dorcas}: u are a mess.

{dorcas}: but anyways thats fucking brilliant? fLIRT BACK BESTIE

{pandora}: that is scary

{regulus}: its good they clearly like u

{regulus}: and as a gay man, theyre really hot

{regulus}: flirt with themmmmm

{pandora}: i mean they are REALLY hot

{dorcas}: agreed

{barty}: yeahyeah i gyess they are or whatevs

{barty}: please panda you have to make a moveeee

{pandora}: fine fine

{pandora}: ill update you all

{evan}: you better.

MARAUDERS AND CO GROUP CHAR

17:07

{mary}: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT

{sirius}: what? arent u guys in the library

{mary}: yes!!

{mary}: me and lily are here and pandora sat down opposite us and i was like woww

{mary}: so we started flirting as per

{mary}: AND THEN THEY FLIRTED BAC

{mary}: THEY FUCKING FLIRTED BACK

{lily}: SOOO FUCKING HAPPY I SWEAR ITS TAKEN AGES TO GET THEM TO FLIRT BACK AND THEY HAVE

{james}: OMG BESTIES

{james}: THATS FUCKING BRILLIANT IM SO HAPPY FOR YALL

{mary}: pls dont ruin this with 'yall'

{james}: u stfu

{sirius}: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

{sirius}: THEY FLIRTED BACKKK 

{sirius}: IVE BEEN WAITINGF FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UPPPP

{marlene}: WHOOOOOOO

{marlene}: YESSSSSS OMG

{mary}: OMGGGG 

{mary}: PLS THIS IS THE BESTTT

{remus}: OMG?? FINALLYY YESZSSSS

{lily}: YESYESYESYESYES

{peter}: YESSSSSSSS

{peter}: BEST THING EVER 

{lily}: AGREED AGREED OMGGG 

{mary}: YES SIRIUS STAGE TWO COMMENCE

{sirius}: OH GOD IM SO HAPPY ABT STAGE TWO STARTED

{remus}: wtf is stage two

{james}: pls i dont think we want to know

{marlene}; finally u got some common sense 

Chapter Text

SIRIUS AND REGULUS CHAT

16:04

hi 

hello

u alr?

yeah

miss you

miss you too

i dont want to keep pushing but please dont go back this christmas

i cant just not go back sirius

please

you dont have to go to james' you could go to andys

they both have the strongest protection spells already

it's complicated

ill go there if i have to

but im not getting myself and others killed just because i randomly wanted to leave

no ones gonna die reg

we're all safe

and you have every right to be safe too

i mean cmon

its not good to be locking urself up in ur mind when u get home

its not good what they do to you reg please

i know its not good sirius im not thick

look ill come if i need to

thats all im going to promise

i turn 17 over the holidays and then i can properly leave

but they're going to make you take over at 17

you know that

you cant just wait

please regulus

ill leave when i turn 17

bartys getting a flat soon ill be safe

stop worrying about me im fine

you're not fine 

you can't be fine at least let me help you

sirius i cant

ill leave when i turn 17, bartys got half of my stuff

he just needs christmas money hes already in a deal with the landlord

im going on my birthday

im not compromising

okay

okay at least ur safe, text me when you get out and over the holidays if you can

ill see

je t'aime

je t'aime aussi 

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

16:37

{regulus}: im sad get here rnrn

{barty}: omw

{dorcas}: this abt christmas?

{regulus}: ofc it is

{regulus}: sirius doesnt want me to go at all which is fair but yk

{barty}: its gonna be fine ive already set shit up

{evan}: and you somehow stole a shit ton of money from ur parents

{dorcas}: ngl thats fucking awesome reg 

{dorcas}: (the fact you stole their money)

{regulus}: ikik im amazing LMAO

{regulus}: but yeah thanks u lot

{barty}: anytime love

{regulus}: tu es le meilleur

{barty}: danke 

{dorcas}: yeah yeah we all have google translate fuck off

{barty}: oiii be nice to me 

{dorcas}: why?

{barty}: bc i am the best

read by 4 people 

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT:

17:15

hi mein liebling 

german??

yup

damnnn

you need to speak it more often around me

why???

figure it out urself darling

ugh i hate you

anyways

u still speaking to reg

eh a little

i didnt expect him to be like him YK??

yeah

he has manyyy layers though

its like bashing down brick walls one after the othjer or smth idkk

yeah he gives off that impression

kinda like a pissed off cat yk

YES OMFG 

BARTY AND REGULUS CHAT

17:19

HE SAID UR LIKE A PISSED OFF CAT

no-

no did he really

*screenshot*

oh my fucking god

is it rlly that obvious?

yes.

cLEARLY

yeahyeah fuck u eat shit whatever

okay rude

its from big mouth barty keep up

rage rage fucking rage

love maury here <3

hes the  best

him and connie <3

yes.

best characters

they carry the whole fucking show

agreed?

theyre just mwah yk

so just amazing

vader yohan I THINK HES CALLED

idk i just remembered it

he eats the childrens bones

fine young cannibal (i doubt that line is from big mouth* 

also BEST FRIENDS MAKE THE BESTTT LOVERSSS

....

banging w ur buddy the best

just add some love and affection to ur carnal connection and baby ull forget

baby ull forget all the resttttt

love that fucking song its just so cachy

it has to be illegal to make songs that catchy i swear

anyways season 5>>>

judd>>>>

yeah yeah i can sign on that that

^thats also a connie quote abt judd soooo

im so fucking cool i swear

ehhh

i mean ur not judd

oh fuck u

eat shit

BARTY AND JAMES CHAT

17:26

where tf did u go

ah yes got in a big mouth discussion w reg obvi

ofc that show is literal dynamite

watched human resources yet?

OFC??

what do u take me for i stg

a hot mess of a person

ouch

emphasis on hot

better :)

anyways ur right he is like a pissed off cat

mhm 

i know its just his entire vibe ig

agreed agreed

anywayssss

how are u? 

good rn 

right now?

yeah

was a little sad earlier but im fine now

james

you know its okay right 

u can talk abt everything

just dysphoric today

idk i shouldnt be i have supportive ppl and got like surgery and hormones and shit before a lot of ppl can

that doesnt mean u cant feel dysphoric

those things dont take away from ur experience and how ur feeling

ikik but it sucks

idk its just like my friends have the body i want they got to be in the body i want and they got to be comfortable in them

and i know that isnt fair 

bc both of them are really insecure and i dont thnk remus is comfortable in his body

but you know it sucks that i didnt get to be born in the right body and grow up as a boy

thats ok jay

its ok to be a bit envious of them its normal and it happens

reg gets gender envy from me and im his boyfriend its okay 

their experiences dont mean you cant feel that way

he does?

i know its just difficult for me to see it that way sometimes

yeah he told me about it 

and he got stuff early too, it doesnt take away from anything

i can tell, its not a bad quality to have though even though i dont like the fact that its caused you to invalidate urself

it means ur human and u care a shit ton 

oh 

that actually helps a lot knowing that theres someone else who feels like that regardless of like yk

thankyou

so much

anytime

im sure hed be okay talking about it if you asked but idk 

that doesnt mean im not here and it doesnt mean i dont want to be here for you either though

thankyou bar

it means a lot

anytime love

u okay?

yeah a lot better

just been in the dorms watching shit

about to put on big mouth

wait wait

what episode and season

season 1 episode 2

EVERYBODY BLEEEEDS

Incoming call Barty <3

Answer               | Decline

"Hii. Im putting it on now, give me a minute."

"You're sweet. And okay tell me when you're about to press play."

"Okay. Three, two, one, go."

"I swear Big Mouths songs are so catchy. Everybody Bleeds, I'm Gay and Best Friends Make The Best Lovers are the best."

"Oh my god, I forgot about the gay song. It might not be accurate but god damm it is so good."

"It really is. Please I love Maury so much."

"I was just talking about this earlier, I swear he literally carries the show."

"He does. Him and Connie are the best."

"Yes! The best. Also Coach Steve is iconic but like so bad."

"Oh for real, including when he got like pink eye I think?"

"Oh god, when his eyes got crusted together that was gross. Also considering Andrew majorly sucks I still like him somehow."

"Yes. Like he is just like gross but still good? Oh my god and please tell Regulus this one if he watches it but him and his cousin was probably how Orion and Walburga got together."

"James! That's the funniest fucking shit ever but Regulus would kill me for saying that."

"Okay but if you tell Regulus, I'll tell Sirius."

"They're going to kill us. They are literally going to kill us."

"Yup. That's the fun of it. Run as fast as you can."

"Lucky I've got experience from running from teachers."

"Jesus christ, what do you do at this school."

"Eh skip, smoke weed and hang out with my friends?"

"I mean fair enough, pretty much the same but I do the legendary Marauders pranks as well."

"I wouldn't say legendary is the word but yeah fair enough."

"Okay well that's just rude and also lies. Our pranks are absolutely iconic."

"Well as a Slytherin, I'd like to argue against that and say that they are stupid."

"They are like my lifes work, Barty! They're brilliant, you're just salty."

"Yes. Yes, I am. I had pink hair for weeks once, James."

"Yeah and? That was one of the best ones, all Moonys idea of course. Sirius came up with the spell, somehow, and me and Pete figured out the rest of it."

"Of course, what else did I expect? Wait so is that why Peter showed up with green hair for half a day?"

"Obviously. He was subjected to being the lab rat so to speak."

"I'm not even gonna question it."

"Smart, you kinda have to learn to do that when you learn of our antics."

"Okay so you eat porridge, raisins and wheetabix and say antics, I think I've proved that you're 80 now."

"I am not 80, Barty!"

WEIRDOS GROUP CHAT

20:02

{dorcas}: tf is this?

{marlene}: heyyy

{marlene}: i think lily made it

{lily}: that i did

{lily}: and i just thought it was time to have a full group chat with everyone

{peter}: oh lils this is going to result in chaos you know that right

{lily}: fuck off it will be fine 

{remus}: lils i love you but petes right

{mary}: ^^

{evan}: hello??

{evan}: pls what is this

{james}: lilys group chat

{evan}: what else was i expecting

{regulus}: oh please god no barty and sirius in the same chat?

{remus}: i didnt even think about that 

{remus}: we are screwed

{regulus}: REMUS HELLO

{remus}: HELLOOOO

{barty}: oi i am not that bad

{regulus}: id beg to differ

{james}: ^^^

{sirius}: ....hello

{barty}: ......hello

{lily}: yk what maybe this was a bad idea

{pandora}: heya :)

{lily}: i take my previous statement back

{mary}: yup hi panda :)

{pandora}: hiii :)

{sirius}: okay yeah no <3

{peter}: if i didnt know any better id say that sirius would have left the chat by now

{peter}: but she loves drama soooooo

{regulus}: unfourtunately so does barty

{james}: im agreeing with bartys previous statement of we are screwed

{dorcas}: we're all agreeing with that statement james

{mary}: oh no i forgot about u two hating eachother too

{james}: i dont hate them, i just dont particularly like her

{james}: they havent proved that theyll be good for marlene yet so

{marlene}: ayo???

{dorcas}: yh and u definitely havent proved to be good enough for barty

{barty}: pls stop 

{marlene}: yh both of u get over urselves

{peter}: all of u get over urselves

{peter}: we are all perfectly capable of getting along

{mary}: i somewhat doubt that

{peter}: no its not fair 

{peter}: james cant hang out w marlene as much bc dorcas is there and visa versa meaning the rest of us have to decide who we want to spend time with

{peter}: the same im sure goes to regulus barty james and sirius

{peter}: and remus too bc i think him and regulus willl get along well meaning barty and sirius will then have to be careful abt how much time they can spend with the two of them

{peter}: and the rest of us are actually pretty friendly and i personally would like to get to know everyone and so does everyone else i assume

{peter}: figure ur shit out

{mary}: love ya pete

{remus}: yup wormy for prime minister

{sirius}: i-

{sirius}: peter i am strangely attracted to u rn wtf

{james}: u are takennn...but i am also attracted to pete 

{james}: but alright we'll all talk yeah?

{pandora}: peter ur already my favourite 

{lily}: excuse me?

{mary}: rude

{pandora}: sorry loves but uve made ur way to second place

{marlene}: just thought youd like to know but the two of them are good freaking out rn

{pandora}: :)

{regulus}: yk what lily this wasnt a bad idea

{lily}: i know x

{regulus}: u, remus and i are abt to become besties just so you know

{remus}: good

Chapter Text

JAMES AND DORCAS CHAT

12:05

{james}: hi

{dorcas}: hello

{james}: so okay lets start whatever

{james}: im sorry ive been horrible about you specifically you marlene  its not fair to them or to you, im just worried about her as one does. I dont want them ending up hurt and im pretty sure this is their first proper relationship and i dont want her to end up heartbroken. I know i should trust them to make their own decisions and i do but its difficult bc she loves you so much and i dont want her to have their heart smashed to bits 

{dorcas}: i get that i do i feel the same with barty even though im literally friends with his boyfriends its still worrying i get it. But im not going to hurt them even on accident. Im trying my best with my issues to be open and communicative and i put in the effort and i know bartys told you that. I try for her and they try for me and yes it wasnt fair. I know her and i know how much i mean to them and i dont want to break any of them.

{james}: thankyou. i shouldve just spoken to you instead of nosing about and being a bit of an asshole. Thankyou for this and as long as you love them and you care for her and you put in effort and shit then you're doing the right thing. I should be happy they have someone like you instead of being selfish and worried. Im sorry

{dorcas}: its okay i havent been nice either. I shouldnt have just shit talked you bc ur friends with sirius and are a bit loud or whatever. Its nice urs and marlenes friendship and im sorry i came between that. You two mean a lot to eachother and i shouldve at least tried with you for them. 

{james}: its okay, i promise. And with barty, i dont ever want to hurt him or do anything bad to him. Hes so fucking amazing you know and the first real thing ive had relationship wise, hes a really good person im not going to hurt him i promise.

{dorcas}: im glad he has you. Lets just put this behind us yh? we know the both of us would do some pretty fucked up things if either hurt marlene or barty and that so i think thats enough.

{james}: yeah that sounds good. Truce?

{dorcas}: truce.

BARTY AND SIRIUS CHAT

16:52

hello

hello

i dont like you and im not sorry for not liking you youve done fucked up shit and you know you have but im not the one you did it to and im not the one with the right to forgive you and regulus has forgiven you. 

right well i dont like you either but im a little sorry about that for james and regs sake. But yeah i know i did stuff barty im not thick i know and im glad hes forgiven me and given me another chance and im not gonna fuck it up

well you probably thought that before too. and i dont trust you but i can respect that you're at least trying. as long as u try for reg and you care for him and you dont fucking leave him again im fine with you

im not going to leave again barty im here for him and im building a relationship with him.

im better than i was a year ago

how do u know that

bc i am out of that fucking hell hole, im going to therapy for christs sake and i am trying to be better and be better for reg too

alright. 

u gonna help reg when he gets out?

ofc i fucking am

im going to help him the best i can 

good.

i still dont like u and i still dont trust you but i can be civil with you for their sakes.

good same. 

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

17:22

spoke to dorcas we came to a truce

u spoken to sirius?

im glad

and yeah

we still dont like eachother

but we can be civil

thats a start

was half expecting it to blow up

me too tbf

i wasnt particularly nice

but yk oh well

okay fair enough

whatever works for well all of us

yeah im glad its working

and im glad u and dorcas came to an agreement what happened?

just spoke highly of u and marlene

a lot of im sorrys

and yeah thats about it

thats rlly fucking good

dorcas and u are very proud ppl yk

so are u and sirius

no im sorrys?

no im sorrys

actually there were "im not sorry"s

oh shit

are u okay?

yeah im okay

not the best not the worst 

okay do u want to talk abt it?

not rlly

okay im always here if you do want to talk about anything <3

danke liebe

:))

anywaysssss

hows reg and ev?

theyre good

also see ur picking up on ev love it

and they're just out buying some rizla and shit

ofc i am

and fairsssss

gonna smoke weed or j fags?

weed obvi

i feel like i should follow in ur footsteps

tell me when ur abt to sart smoking or whtvs

okayyy

and as u should

i know i know

want to call? i miss you

i miss you too

and of course

Incoming call James<3

Accept                 | Decline

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I think I might need to swap out hoodies soon."

"Ah why so?"

"Doesn't smell like you."

"Mhm. You're really fucking sweet, James. It means a lot."

"You mean a lot. And thankyou."

"Oh god. You're both breaking my heart and putting it back together again."

"Well I'm only happy about the putting it together again part but thankyou I think?"

"Anytime, miene liebe."

"Oh my god, it's even better in person."

"Bartyyy, we're back."

"Yeah pay attention to us."

"I have James on the phone, I'm trynna pay attention to all of you."

"Hi Reg, Hi Ev."

"Heyyy."

"Hello."

"Got over your shit with Dorcas?"

"Yeah, came to a truce."

"Got over your shit with Sirius?"

"Kinda."

"Good enough for me."

"James start rolling if you want to smoke with us."

"Oh shit okay. Gimme a minute."

"What?"

"He wants to smoke with us over the phone, Reg, keep up."

"Oi I am trying."

"Yeah be nice to your boyfriend."

"I hate that I let you to meet."

"Awwww."

"So nice to us."

"Fuck yourselves."

"Be nice."

"No."

"Jesus christ, you lot are a lost cause."

"No we are not."

"Yeah we're not!"

"Okay whatever. We're starting."

"Oh yay just in time."

"Christ we'd rolled two and a half by the time you started, what the fuck?"

"Ah you see, I'm a very patient guy."

"Why do I not believe that."

"Oh fuck off, be nice to me!"

"No."

WEIRDOS

18:55

{mary}: hiiii Christmas party soon :)

{pandora}: looking forward to it :)

{sirius}: its going to be fucking brilliant

{james}: hells yeah

{evan}: okay we've been on call 45 minutes and u havent mentioned this??

{james}: it didnt come up?

{evan}: uhhhuh

{peter}: uve been on call?

{lily}: ohhh okay makes sense

{peter}: huh?

{lily}: Peter I beg of u shut up

{peter}: ayt jesus

{barty}: ????

{remus}: nothing important dw

{sirius}: what are you lot on about?

{remus}: nothing sirius 

{sirius}: I can sense the tone thru the phone so im gonna shut up

{regulus}: okay either explain or dont mention it 

{lily}: course 

{lily}: anyways partyyyyy

{pandora}: yessss

{dorcas}: planning on getting smashed cl

{marlene}: ah yes biggest plans in life

{peter}: ofcofc 

{sirius}: yesss

{remus}: ah like every party we throw, it will have a shit ton of alcohol

{mary}: I expect nothing else from u marauders or whtv u call urself

{james}: the marauders is cool?

{dorcas}: ehhh idk

{regulus}: we call ourselves the Slytherin skittles and u came up w that u cant say shit

{dorcas}: point made

{lily}: YOU WHAT

{remus}: oh thats fucking hilarious

{james}: loving the name x

{dorcas}: thankyou thankyou I think its pretty good

{james}: i agree

{sirius}: what the fuck

{mary}: I take it u two made up then

{marlene}: lowkey proud

{barty}: me too me too

"Bartyyy."

"Yes, love?"

"Can I come see you? I miss you. It's totally fine if not though, don't feel pressured to see me or whatever you know what I mean."

"James shut up and get here."

"Thankyou."

"It's fine, you don't have to thank me seriously."

"I'm still going to. I'm on my wayyy."

"Alright, I'll see you in a minute."

Evan was actually the one to open the door, which Barty would've done if Regulus hadn't latched onto him like a koala. But when James walked through the door, all thoughts left his mind. He was just so fucking cute in one of Bartys oversized hoodies, holding the sleeves in his hand. He had on joggers that Barty lent him and his hair was as messy as it always was.

"Hey, Ev." James said, smiling lightly.

"Hi, you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. You?"

"Mhm good. Been having to watch Regulus climb on Barty all day though."

"Oi I've shared thankyou very much!" Regulus' muffled voice came.

"That's lies and you know it. Anyways, James come in, come in."

James immediately found his way to Bartys bed and crawled inside. James immediately wrapped himself around Barty best he could with Regulus there too. 

What confused Barty was the fact that the two seemingly had a silent conversation resulting in Regulus getting up to go and cuddle Evan instead.

"What the fuck was that? Do you two know legilimancy or something?"

James laughed, finding himself lying between Bartys legs on his stomach, hugging Barty as best he could and resting his head on his shoulder. Bartys hands immediately found their way in his hair. "No of course not. It's just easy to understand."

"How? He's the most difficult person to read."

"I disagree."

"Rude."

"Totally."

"You know you're really cute right now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah all soft and shit and in my hoodie too."

Barty could see the light blush starting to bloom on James' cheeks. "I'm glad, I like wearing your clothes. I like just you really."

"I like you too, love. And I like seeing you wear my clothes."

"Why do you never do any of this shit with me!" Evan shouted from his place spooning Regulus on his bed with his phone propped up infront of the two of them.

"You literally throw your shit at me when you want me to wear your stuff!"

"Sounds like lies. But you're never that nice."

"I am, you know I am, Evs."

"Yeah, I know, just taking the piss. You alright, loverboy?"

"Yeah, I'm good, missed you lot, I can't lie. You alright."

"Awwww you miss us too?"

"Maybe."

"Barty you finally found a good one."

"Oi shove off." Barty spoke at the same time a rather affronted Regulus said, "What do you mean by that?"

"I won't be taking back that statement, Reg."

"I could move you know."

"Okay move then." Evans lips curled into a smirk as Regulus got up rather reluctantly. He stayed upright and alone about two seconds before flopping back down, mumbling and seemingly unimpressed with himself. He grabbed Evans hands and put them back where they are, making Evans face break out in a grin, relaxing into Regulus once more.

James tried, he really did try to not laugh. He clamped a hand over his mouth but it just didn't work. God why were these three so funny without even meaning to be? He could only imagine what it was like with Pandora and Dorcas there too.

As James laughed, so did Barty earning them a glare from the brunette. As much as that was meant to be threatening, it just set them off even more. And- ouch what the fuck?

A pillow. Regulus had thrown a pillow at the both of them (with a surprisingly good aim and force he must admit), And James Potter was a marauder at heart. He took a pillow being thrown at him the start of a war. The marauders had had so many fights like this that he'd lost count. But it was instinct by now. That a pillow being thrown meant war.

And so a war was started. Pillows being thrown every which way and ending up on the floor or the tv or the beds and the laughter everywhere in the room. It felt good and safe and James felt like he could trust every single person in the room. He was comfortable with all three of them and happy with them. 

It might have also been a tad funny watching Regulus Acturus Black of all people have a pillow fight with them.

Chapter Text

THE MARAUDERS AND CO GROUP CHAT

06:52

{lily}: James seriously where tf are u

{sirius}: we've been texting and calling and u took the fucking map please

{remus}: prongs??

{remus}: James pls

WEIRDOS

07:11

{lily}: ALERT! James is missing where tf is he

{evan}: ah well

{evan}: long story actually

{sirius}: oh that fucking dick

{mary}: WEVE BEEN UP AGES SEARCHING FOR HIM AND HES GONE BC HE WANTS SOME COCK WTF????

{evan}: they didnt mary

{evan}: he came over and fell asleep real early hes still out cold with barty right now

{remus}: so he ignored us for no cock?

{remus}: there was no fucking involved and hes just being ignoring us

{evan}: hes asleep?

{peter}: yh ignoring us

{regulus}: jesus christ next time this convo happens leave me the fuck out of it

{regulus}: here ive woken them up for you now shut the fuck up and stop worrying Jesus fucking christ

{remus}: hes a grumpy one

{remus}: almost as bad as u pads

{sirius}: oh fuck off

{james}: .......hi

{marlene}: FUCK YOU

{marlene}: traitor

{james}: i AM SORRY

{james}: okay there was a pillow fight and some weed and then a long ass fucking sleep I didnt intentionally ignore you

{mary}: yk u could've told us u were going to baryts beforehand tho

{barty}: yh my tongue distracted him macdonald

{sirius}: GROSS

{sirius}: EW THIATS ONE OF MY BROTHERS

{barty}: doesnt James literally kiss ur bf sometimes?

{sirius}: that is platonic it doesnt count

{dorcas}: ok thats fair

{marlene}: what?!?

{docas}: u always end up snogging lily drunk u cannot say shit

{marlene}: got me there cl

{barty}: ANYWAYS

{barty}: yeah James might be back for classes might not who knows

{mary}: .....ok

{mary}: fiNALLY GET THAT DICK JAMES

{peter}: WE'RE CHEERING U ON FROM THE SIDEESSSSS

{pandora}: wow wtf

{pandora}: lily siriusly this group is fucking hectic

{sirius}: you

{sirius}: you just made a sirius joke

{pandora}: ofc I did?

{sirius}: ur my fav

{evan}: they're everyones fav dw

{sirus}: not suprised not suprised

{lily}: ANYWAYSSS its a good hectic pandora

{lily}: this gc is my best creation

{mary}: i love you but i doubt that

{lily}: yhyh stfu

{peter}: marys right

{lily}: u shush

{peter}: never x 

SIRIUS AND JAMES CHAT:

hey

hey

u alr??

whats wrong??

I just miss u

I know its shit to say but idk ive rlly missed u lately 

Im so fucking happy for u prongs I just idk feel a little out the loop and shit

oh pads

oh im so sorry I never ever meant to make u feel that way ive just been so wrapped up in my own shit im so sorry

I miss you too

movie night tonight? just us 

the boys will get that we need time alone as husband and wife surely

its okay James I know u didnt mean to its fine

of course they will

moons knows he has to share ofcofc and Pete loves seeing his parents happy

ofcofc theyre our family

tho im rlly proud of u for being able to say that and shit pads

 takes some inner strength or whtv

what yoga does for u

pls stop ill never love yoga

you love literally every single shitty sport but yoga is too much??

yes.

im not becoming some smoothie drinker yoga bullshit millennial 

mate you arent a millennial either way?

and u love smoothies?

SHUSHHHHH

PPL WILL SEE ME AS ONE IF I START DOING YOGA PADFOOT

I am offended.

YOGA IS GREAT ADMIT IT

NO

PURE LIES 

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

ur such a BITCH U ARE THE LIAR

HOW DARE U CALL ME A BITCH U BITCH

HOW DARE U

SUCH A TWAT

SUCH A DICK

WOWWWW

IS IT COS IM GENDERFLUID???

IS IT COS IM A TRANS GUY???

oh god I love our friendship

best thing in the world

truly

moony says we're made of the same magic yk

says u cant love one without loving the other

oh

my 

god

sirius when I get back I am going to give u a fucking hug omg

and then slap u for almost making me cry infront of barty

ah well

if I wanted to get slapped id ask moony ;)

or my mother

yk options

.....

I hate u sm rn

U CANT DO THAT SIRIUS

YES I CAN??

CLEARLY

I JUST DID

NO?!?!?

NO OMG

NO

YES

MARAUDERS AND CO

12:05

{james}: heyyy its barty

{mary}: how and why are u on james' phone

{barty}: bccc i can be and i want to

{remus}: yo

{peter}: jesus christ whens prongs getting returned

{barty}: not for a while i dont think

{remus}: wonder why

{barty}: huh?

{sirius}: wtf?

{remus}: :)

{sirius}: remus moony loml whats going on that ur not telling me about

{marlene}: #concerned

{lily}: oh god

{barty}: OMG HI LILS

{lily}: OMG HI BARTY

{mary}: ok but u cant even shorten ur name

{barty}: i mean u kinda can

{peter}: okokokok

{peter}: tell prongs that we've said that hes sick with a fever and everyone believed it 

{barty}: he said "thanks, mate."

{barty}: which while i know was directed at u was weird to hear said to me from him

{peter}: np prongs and yeah 

{peter}: tis fine hes a weird one

{peter}: ull hear worse

{remus}: think he already has lolololololol

{lily}: REMUS

{barty}: remus oMG

{sirius}: now what's that supposed to mean??

{sirius}: PLS SOMEONE EXPLAIN

{remus}: no x

{lily}: no x

{remus}: oooo

{remus}: jinx loving us

{lily}: great minds do think alike

{marlene}: yall are weird wtf

{remus}: that was quite rude of u 

{marlene}: yhyh whateva

{remus}: wHaTeVa who cares 🙄

{marlene}: omG i hate u

{remus}: hate u more x

{barty}: wow i am LOVING THIS

{barty}: the gayness here is brilliant

{mary}: ik so proud of us

{marlene}: yh for once proud of us

{mary}: it is usually disappointment when james and sirius are in the same chat

{sirius}: OI

{barty}: OI

{barty}: ^^ said in place of james ofc

{mary}: IM NOT WRONG

{remus}: no u rly arent

{remus}: the more time i spend with them the less braincells i have

{sirius}: well fuck u too ig

{peter}: godamn

{peter}: do u know how difficut it is sharing a dorm with these lot

{sirius}: do u know how difficult it is sharing a dorm with u

{peter}: i am nOT that bad

{sirius}: no but that ravenclaw clearly was

{barty}: oh thats good

{barty}: james has said hes giving u a virtual high five and thta he wholeheartedly agrees

{sirius}: thankuthanku

{remus}: i have to say that ravenclaw did NOT seem good

{mary}: which one?

{sirius}: lockhart

{lily}: OH NO

{lily}: NO NOT HIM PETER NO

{peter}: I AM SORRY OK

{peter}: I HAD TO GO THRU IT

{peter}: HE SAID HIS OWN NAME 

{sirius}: YES I HEARD !!!

{marlene}: oh. my. god.

{barty}: JESUS CHRIST

{barty}: GODAMN

{mary}: i am done omg

{mary}: this is just smth else

{peter}: IKIKIK

{peter}: bnut the others arent that bad

{remus}: uhhhh

{sirius}: bestie i think u skipped the how to do a silencing charm lesson bc i have heard EVERYTHING

{peter}: U TELL ME NOW?!?!?!

{sirius}: I TRIED

{sirius}: BUT ITS AWKWARD SO I JUST GAVE UP

{peter}: I HATE U OMGGG

{remus}: I swear weve mentioned it tho

{peter}: yeah yeah shove off

{barty}: god

{barty}: i need to ditch my friends for yall

{marlene}: no??? OMG

{mary}: ok but how do u like THIS group

{barty}: who knows

{lily}: ur such a weirdo

REMUS, JAMES AND LILY CHAT

13:11

yo bestie

yh?

we have a bit of bad news

what?? 

ur scaring me what's going on

mcgonnogal wants u in therapy

she came by yesterday to get u but u weren't there

ur parents contacted to say abt ur mh over the summer and they've only now had enough space

im sorry

what

therapy?

why didnt u tell me?

u were busy and happy and we didnt want to ruin it especially so close to night

okay

ok

uh ill speak abt it after me and pads' movie night

Im not doing it rn

okay thats fine prongs

take ur time

love u guys

love u too

love u too

James curled up to Bartys side. He was in a new hoodie and it smelled of him and it was amazing. But he still felt like shit. He'd avoided therapy for years for a reason. Who would love him then? He's supposed to be strong and happy James Potter and how can he do that when he's going to therapy?

"Hey, sweetheart, whats wrong?" Barty said worriedly. James pulled up the chat and showed him. "Oh shit."

"Yeah. I can't fucking believe it. I don't really know what to do about it though." James hooked his leg around Bartys body and hugged him best he could laying on his side with Barty on his back.

"You know it's okay if you need it or just want it. It's not a bad thing, it helps a lot of people."

"But I can't be James Potter and need therapy, Bar."

"Yes you can. Anyone can need it. Including you, James Potter." 

"You think so?"

"I know so. It's gonna be okay."

James lifted his head to look at Barty (he's so gorgeous omg.) "With you here I'll believe that." (And the way his cheeks turned pink!)

"You're so fucking sweet it makes me want to scream." 

REGULUS AND JAMES CHAT

15:58

heyyyyy

hey

u alright?

yeah yeah im good

u okay?

yeah with dorcas rn 

studying ofc

ah yes

it going okay?

yeah

tadddd boring

but thats just cos it's history of magic 

ughhhh

history of magic SUCKS

why did u choose it?

i chose most of the classes mate

runes, potions obvs, herbology astronomy, history of magic, dada, charms,  transfig, advanced arithmancy, apparition

what the fuck??

reg I dropped like a lot of these classes

ADVANCED ARITHMANCY WTF

yes?

im smart what abt it 

anyways ur classes then

so modest

anyways

-potions to my great dislike

-history of magic again great dislike

-divination great dislike only sticking w it cos me and sirius mess abt in it all the time

-charms

-transfig (fav teacher <3)

-dada 

-care of magical creatures (love hagrid and the lesson <3) 

-muggle studies (I love it but im so confused like half the time)

wait

no apparition

??

passed the test already mate

ohhhh

so smart of u

oh stfu

whats muggle studies like?

pretty cool actually

lily and remus help me out sometimes

also ur classes sound boring ngl

ofc they do

and thats j because they are actually better for my future?

yhyh whtvs

Im right

my ones are still great for my future?

yeah

but theyre less like strict yk

yh

think ud ever do muggle studies

maybe after christmas

mhm

u should

wait

james

yes?

"why did u choose it" -hom

but yet u have it

why???

it was the best idea at the time

....

what tf are u on abt?

I needed more newts and it seemed easy

oh fairs

what are u doing after hogwarts

no clue

absolutely no clue

prly quidditch or sum

so theres nothing u want to do?

nah not rlly

maybe smth medical or like my own little cafe or quidditch

yh those are my top three

hm good choices

wbu???

quidditch 

or potion making 

maybe a little curse breaking but I dont rlly want to be a ministry worker

yh thats fair enough a lot of them suckkk

and the ministry is so bad 

frrrrr

hope everything gets like redone at some point in my future

thats the dream reg thats the dream 

Chapter Text

REGULUS AND REMUS CHAT 

18:33

hey

remus hey

how are u??

goodgood 

James just left so expect him back soon

how are u??

fanks ill let sirius know they're having a bonding movie night cos they're both clingy bitches hfsdcj

and im good finishing up me hw

of course they are

what homework?

charms 

finished up all urs?

kinda

dorcas is doing the rest of my arithmacy homework for revision for newts

of course they are

she seems like the type to read non-fiction

THEY DO

OMG

ITS LITERALLY ALL SHE READS

OMG I AM A MASTERMIND HGDKJNFM

HOW THO

NON FICTION SUCKSS

FRFR

I KEEP TRYING TO SAY THAT TO HER

BUT THEY NEVER LISTEN OR ANSWER THE QUESTION

UGHHHH

THAT SUCKSSSS

WHY DOESNT SHE READ LIKE CLASSIC BOOKS OR SUM

FRRR THEY ARE JUST AS EDUCATIONAL

IF NOT MORE

COS IT EXPANDS UR VOCABULARY AND SHIT

E X A C T L Y

IT DOES SO MUCH THAT PPL ARENT EVEN AWARE OF ITS SO GOOD

OMG I FR LOVE U

U ARE MY BESTIE

I LOVE U TOO OMG JAMES WAS RIGHT 

WE ARE MEANT TO BE BESTIES

OFCCC

BET IT PAINED U TO SAY JAMES WAS RIGHT THO

YEAH :(

HATE SAYING THE HIMBO WAS RIGHT

OMG HE IS A HIMBO

EBHDSJFNKSD,

MUST BE WHY BARTY AND JAMES ARE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

OR WHTV THE SAYING IS

YESSSSS

THEY ARE BOTH HIMBOS.

THEY J ARE

OH GOD REM HOW DID WE END UP WITH DUMBASSES

WE ARE CLEARLY DESTINES /J

I HAVE NO CLUE

U WERE RIGHT INFRONT OF ME THE WHOLE TIME I J COULDNY SEE U UNTIL NOW 

WASTED SO MUCH TIME :(

SO MUCH TIME :(

WE COULDVE HAD OUR OWN LIBRARY RN IN THE SCOTTISH COUNTRYSIDE

OH THE LIFE WE COULDVE HAD

WE WILL HAVE TO RUN AWAY IN THE NIGHT REG

PACK ALL OF OUR STUFF AND NEVER LOOK BACK /J

LETS PACK RN

WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY BY MIDNIGHT 

DRIVING THRU SCOTLAND

SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM MY DEAR

BARTY AND JAMES CHAT:

19:00

heyyyy

heyyyy

u with sirius?

out to get our snacks rn ofc

with ev and reg?

yes but also dorks and dora

regs texting ur tree bestie rn

WHAT

are they getting along?

YES

like so well

apparently they're joking abt running away to own a library in the Scottish countryside

HOW DARE MOONY

he better not run away and leave me with his husband ALONE

I-

thats ur biggest issue

yes

not the fact that we are in the Scottish countryside and they could  in fact buy a library very easily in hogsmeade

....

I did not think about that

ofc not u dumbass

OI STOP BEING MEAN

I am not being mean

are so

are npt

are so

are not

ARE SO

fineeeee

but only a lil bit

fanks for admitting it babe

anyways 

I am back rn so I will talk to u soon x

awww okay

have a good best friend-brother-husband bonding night

will dooo

have fun 

you too x

"Prongssss what are we going to watch?" Sirius says with a mouth full of popcorn.

"I don't know, what do you wanna watch?" James grabbed an extra piece of popcorn and threw it at Sirius' mouth, which he managed to catch and chew.

"Okay, right, narrow it down. Horror, rom com or comedy

"Oh fuck you, you know those are my favourites!" 

"Horror then rom com?"

James grinned. "Of course. Okay The shining or The conjuring?"

"What? The shining is basically a comedy, Prongs, The conjuring."

"It is not a comedy!"

"Why do I laugh then?" Sirius crosses her arms over their chest jokingly. 

"Because you're the product of incest." 

"Oh you little shit!" 

That started a pillow fight, of course. James didn't realise how much he had missed Sirius until now. They were basically soulmates and as Moony said, shared the same magic. So James was literally filled with happiness getting to be with him properly again. She was one of James' favourite people and they always had fun together no matter what. 

The pillow fight finally ended when the two of them headbutted trying to grab the same pillow, both of them groaning in pain. It fucking hurt! 

"Oh fuck, Prongs we're so dumb. Please I need rest my head might never regain its prettiness until." 

"Your head never had prettiness in the first place, Pads."

"I swear to god I will headbutt you on purpose this time if you keep being a little shit."

"Totally. Anyways, lets put on this godamn movie."

DORCAS AND MARLENE CHAT

19:59

{dorcas}: heyyy <3

{marlene}: heyyyy <3

{dorcas}: just here to say that slytherin is going to DESTROY u lot in the upcoming match

{marlene}: nope.

{marlene}: simply not true

{dorcas}: it definitely is

{dorcas}: I will not be going easy on u nor is reg

{marlene}: oh of course not

{marlene}: nor will I, James, sirius or mary

{dorcas}: good

{marlene}: we will win you know

{dorcas}: ah lies

{dorcas}: well whatever helps u sleep at night darling

{marlene}: uno reverse

{dorcas}: oh god I love u

{dorcas}: only u would say uno reverse to that

{marlene}: ofc I am the fun one after all

{dorcas}: uh no ur not?

{marlene}: u read non fiction babe u are not the fun one

{dorcas}: how dare u

{marlene}: okay im just taking that as my win 

{dorcas}: yhyh whatever

{dorcas}: wydddd

{marlene}: w the gang as sirius and James are having a bonding night

{dorcas}: what?

{dorcas}: theres not much need theyre practically inseperable

{marlene}: as much as id agree

{marlene}: James has been busier than usual so sirius has been missing him

{dorcas}: ohhhh

{dorcas}: yh okay thats fair

{malene}: what are you doing then love?

{dorcas}: with the gang 

{dorcas}: had to talk pandora out of putting on despicable me 

{marlene}: ah ofc

{marlene}: what u watching instead then?

{dorcas}: good omens

{dorcas}: we fucking love it

{marlene}: OH MY GOD

{marlene}: FINALLY

{marlene}: that show is gold

{dorcas}: I agreeeee

{dorcas}: pandoras enthralled with the concept 

{marlene}: dont blame them lily was the same

{marlene}: wait

{marlene}: quick question

{dorcas}: yeah?

{marlene}: do u think dora, Mary and lily should/will get together

{dorcas}: oh 100%

{dorcas}: do not tell anyone but dora has a massive crush on them

{marlene}: OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A RELIEF

{marlene}: dont tell anyone either but Mary and lily have a massive crush on them

{dorcas}: FUCKING HELL

{dorcas}: THIS IS BRILLIANT MARLENE

{dorcas}: WE HAVE TO GET THEM TOGETHER

{marlene}: YES YES YES YES YES YES

{marlene}: BUT NOT MAJORLY THIS HAS TO BE SUBTLE

{dorcas}: broom closet locking in?

{marlene}: oh yeah defo

"Hey, Bar?" Evan said, making Barty look up and swivel his head to look at him.

"Yeah?" 

"Are you gonna ask James out?" 

"What?"

"Are you?"

"Well, yeah in the near future why?"

"Well-"

"Sorry to butt in and not to be a dick, but why not now? I mean you're both clearly head over heels." Dorcas interrupted.

"I don't know, it just hasn't come up yet."

"Really? That's the only reason?" Regulus said.

"Oh fuck off, this is not an interrogation."

"It's not. But you text him all the time, you talk about him half of the time you're not texting him and you and him are both very happy when you're with each other. What's the real reason?"

"Well, I just-" Barty let out a sigh. There was literally no point lying to them and it might make him feel a little better to share. "I just don't want to mess it up. We've both been through shit, what if I fuck it up? I fuck things up so easily, you all know I do. And I have so much fucking love around me it's unreal, I just don't think the universe is going to let me have three people."

Pandora looked very much up for no debate when they turned to him. "Barty, you are not going to fuck it up, I promise you. You have two boyfriends who love you very much and all of you have been through shit and you have never fucked that up and I know for a fact you felt like that before you asked them two out. But you fucking did it anyways and it was worth it. James is sunshine personified and he does not give up, he isn't going to let you go whether you make a mistake or not. You are not going to let him go if he makes a mistake. You fucking take risks, that is who you are. And if it goes to shit that's okay but it'll be fucking amazing while you have it. You two are head over heels and both have brilliant support systems if I do say so myself. Ask him out." 

It admittedly took Barty a couple of minutes to respond to that. He was just shocked. Oh god he loves Pandora so much. "But what if he says no?"

"Did you hear anything of what any of us just said? The boy's head over heels. He'll say yes, I promise." Dorcas said. "Now go fucking do it!"

"Okay! Okay! Fuck!"

"Wanna play hide and clap" The voice says on the tv before a person claps behind the mother and the match goes out. 

"Fuck! Oh my god, I'm gonna have a heart attack, Sirius!" James said hiding his face in Sirius' hair. Usually she would've laughed but he was recovering from their own little shock too. "Jesus fucking christ!" 

"I'm not even going to lie, that scared me, god. I've watched this so many times and it still gets me what the fuck." Sirius admitted, gripping onto James' hand like their life depended on it.

"Oh fuck, pause it please I need a fag."

"Feel ya." 

Sirius paused it and James rolled two cigarettes for the two of them before Sirius let them wandlessly. Both of their phones pinged so the two gave eachother a look before going to answer.

BARTY AND JAMES CHAT

20:01

heyyy

hey :)

oi what u doing on ur phone

oh we're having a break

almost had a heart attack /j

what you watching?

the conjuring

ah cool cool

okay

omg 

I have smth to ask

okayyyyy 🤨

pls continue 

AHH

okay im going to ask

and then run

and throw my phone

whatever works for u babe

AHHHHH

okay

fuck

okay

will u be my bf like officially or whtv

BYE

YES

HOLY FUCK

OFC 

JESUS I

OMG???

COME BACK HERE U LITTLE SHIT

"He answered yet?" Barty said, muffled because he was hiding his face in a pillow

"Yes! Several texts, Barty, come on. Look at your fucking phone!" Regulus answered trying to grab the pillow which just resulted in a tug of war.

"Okay, this is ending. Want me to read the texts and tell you?" Dorcas said, the phone in her hand.

"Yup, yes, go for it."

"Oh my god! Barty!" Dorcas screamed, looking at the phone.

"Wait what?" Evan said, before Dorcas thrust it in his face. "Fuck! Barty come look! Stop hiding!"

"What does it say first?" Barty asked, still fighting with Regulus.

"Not telling you."

"How dare you, Dorcas, you said you'd tell me!"

"I lied." 

"Oh fine, fine. Fuck you all." Barty admitted defeat and looked at his phone and promptly lost the plot because holy fuck he's James' boyfriend.

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

20:10

REALLY?!

YES OF FUCKING COURSE

OH MY GOD OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

YUP YUP YUP YUP YUP YUP

OKAY IM SEEING U TMR YES?

YES OFC

OH MY GOD

FUCK

HOLY FUCK

YUP

OKAY IMMA GAY PANIC ILL UH TEXT LATER

ME TOO SPEAK SOON SWEETHEART

STOP IM ALREADY GAY PANICKING JAMES

SPEAK SOON LIEBE

AHHHHHH

"James? What's going on? Why are you screaming, bruv?!"

"Look at my fucking phone, oh my god Sirius I am going to die, this is how I'm going to die."

"What the fuck?! Oh my god this is amazing, Prongs! You're taken, oh my god!" 

"I'm his boyfriend! Sirius I'm his boyfriend! He asked me! I am never getting over this what the fuck!"

"Holy shit, Prongs, oh my god!" 

Chapter Text

WEIRDOS GROUP CHAT

07:21

{pandora}: heyyy

{mary}: heyyy x

{lily}: mornin x 

{regulus}: yo

{regulus}: u alr

{pandora}: yeahhh

{pandora}: going down to get some pancakes from Trilly 

{mary}: omg can we come too please???

{pandora}: of course!

{pandora}: the more the merrier

{barty}: me?

{pandora}: no go fuck urself

{lily}: we'll be down in a few mins x

{pandora}: see u soon dears x

{remus}: morning reg

{regulus}: omg morning rem

{remus}: walk?

{regulus}: what is this a family reunion?

{regulus}: but absolutely yes

{evan}: reg u dont have family reunions

{regulus}: shove off x

{marlene}: I lowkey hate that the reg and rem are friends

{barty}: I agree remus fr stole my bf

{sirius}: and reg stole mine

{lily}: get over it

{peter}: oh pls 

{peter}: remus and reg literally started speaking yesterday and theyre already inseparable wtf

{sirius}: u cant complain

{sirius}: thats fr u and dora

{peter}: so not true

{peter}: but morning pan

{pandora}: morning pete

{pandora}: wyddd

{peter}: with sirius

{peter}: apparently I have to comfort my 'dad' bc my stepdad left with her 'traitorous little brother' whos boyfriend is already 'stealing mum'

{peter}: so we're watching victorious cuddled up

{regulus}: what the actual fuck

{barty}: how many drugs is sirius on?

{peter}: less than remus more than James 

{mary}: I always did wonder what went on behind closed doors

{mary}: wait when did sirius and James have a love affair

{mary}: when did James pop u out?

{mary}: when did James and sirius and remus marry

{mary}: i have many questions pls answer

{sirius}: well we had our giant love affair on the train to hogwarts 

{sirius}: james popped one out when we got there

{sirius}: thats how Pete came onto this world u see

{sirius}: 9 long hours of James being pregnant and labour and Pete was born

{sirius}: then me remus and James married at the sorting ceremony

{sirius}: and have been married since

{marlene}: did u get dropped on ur head as a baby?

{sirius}: the fact u think I was held

{lily}: sirius pls

{sirius}: ugh

{peter}: dont worry abt it dad

{sirius}: love u son

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

07:58

morning boyfriend

morning boyfriend

how are u today??

gooood

got jumped on by Pete, remus and sirius tho

ah id check weirdos gc if u want an explanation

what the fuck

yh pretty much

ejkfd

anyways how u doinggg

good good

missss u

missss u too

come round soon?

yeah course

just w moons, Pete and pads rn as family bonding

my childs all grown up and it still feels like yesterday he was eleven 

oh my god.

parenting truly is a joy but I do miss him being littel sometimes

was a lot sweeter before they decided he wanted to fuck random people every other night

EVERY OTHER NIGHT

dont judge they're a very attractive young person

and if he wants to fuck randoms and some of they're usuals who can blame him

u have a very weird relationship w them

cool*

keep telling urself that babe

hope Pete fucks someone other than Gilderoy soon x

AHA 

told them that and he said theyre going to target u in the next marauders prank

wowwwwww

so mature 

I agree x

sarcasm sweetheart

I know I purposefully skipped over it x 

but fanks for clarifying regardless

its ayt

what u watching

despicable me 

TRAITOR

MARY AND LILY

08:02

{lily}: okay come on plans plans plans 

{lily}: how do we get pandora

{mary}: idk if its necessary

{mary}: I MEAN THEY CALLED US DEAR TODAY

{mary}: AND USED AN X SAYING MORNING

{lily}: AHHHH

{lily}: I FREAKED IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE

{mary}: AND THEY'RE SO HOT AND INTERESTED AND INTERESTING AND THEY CALL US A DEAR AND LOVE AND USED XS LILY

{lily}: EXACTLYYYY

{lily}: AND THEY'RE JUST EVERYTHING>>>

{lily}: I BET THEY LOVEEE ALICE IN WONDERLAND

{mary}: OH DEFOOO

{mary}: THEY SEEM SO MUCH LIKE ALICE 

{mary}: NOT ALICE ALICE BUT YKNOW

{lily}: FRRRRRRR

{lily}: I GOT U DW

{mary}: I THINK DORCAS KNOWS THO

{lily}: AND MAR AND JAMES AND REMUS

{mary}: THATS LESS PEOPLE THAN I THOUGHT TBF

{lily}: such faith babe x

{mary}: of course x

JAMES, REG, EVAN AND BARTY CHAT

09:01

what is this?

^^

a group chat dipshit

why?

why not

right

hi reg n evs :)

hey :)

hello james

no smiley face?

yeah why no smiley face?

yeah thats rlly rude reg

.....

:(

:(

:(

:)

ok well that js seems rude

but im going to ignore it

and say we won 

:)

of course

anyways

barty why did u make this?

cos we're gonna like be together half the time why not

but

if we're together half the time theres no need?

and babe we all already speak regardless?

u admitted it !

omfg

okay but then we all speak here?

whats the problem 

nothing love we js think ur a bit dim sometimes

its alr tho we like u anyway

wowwwww

rude

well

its true?

WHAT

yeah I officially like u potter well done

EVAN AND REG CHAT

09:03

;)

"I officially like u potter"

I think we all knew that before mate x

go fuck urself x

JAMES, REG, EVAN AND BARTY CHAT

09:05

fanksss

im glad im finally liked by the lord black

HOW DO U KNOW ABT THAT

BARTY?

it wasnt me I swear

EVAN?

nah wish it was tho

WEIRDOS GROUP CHAT

09:07

{regulus}: WHO TOLD JAMES ABT MY TITLE

{lily}: what title?

{marlene}: ^^

{dorcas}: OH MY GOD HE KNOWS ABT THAT

{james}: yes yes I do

{mary}: WHAT FUCKING "TITLE"

{peter}: ^^

{evan}; ull mst likely find out later

{marlene}: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT

{evan}: a good one.

{pandora}: oh my god

{pandora}: I cannot believe he knows abt that wtf

{remus}: ??

{sirius}: oops.

{regulus}: OH MY FUCKING GOD

{regulus}: HOW 

{regulus}: HOW DID THAT EVEN COME UP

{sirius}: OK IT JUST SLIPPED OUT

{regulus}: I HATE U SM 

{sirius}: YEHYEH WHTVS

{sirius}: HE WAS BOUND TO FIND OUT REGARDLESS ITS NOT LIKE ITS A SECRET

{regulus}: IM NOT EVEN GOING TO HAVE THAT TITLE AFTER CHRISTMAS

{sirius}: U STILL HAVE IT NOW

{regulus}: OH MY GOD

{mary}: sm1 explain pls

{regulus}: dont u dare.

{sirius}: regulus is a lord

{mary}: EXCUSE ME 

{remus}: WHAT THE FUCK

{remus}: I SMOKE WEED W A LORD?!?!?!

{marlene}: EXCUSE ME WTAF

{regulus}: SIRIUS WHY

{sirius}: :)

{lily}: I-

{peter}: WHAT

{marlene}: REGULUS IS A FUCKING LORD

{regulus}: 😐

A jumper was thrown at his head. A literal jumper. At his gorgeous face. And with quite a force too for a clothing item thrown across the room. He slung the jumper over his arm and looked at Evan and Barty for the first time since entering the room (courtesy of the jumper they seemingly threw on accident). The two were frozen in place, Barty only in his jeans (baggy and grey ones which looked unfairly good on him) and white socks on with his boxers peeking out the top of the jeans waistline. Evan wasfdully dressed but everything was at least a little out of place and he had a million different clothing options on his arms. It was quite funny to see he has to say. 

"We didn't expect you so soon." Evan said suddenly, still looking quite startled.

"I can see that." James couldn't contain his smirk even if he wanted to. "Trynna impress me, grumpy?" 

Barty stared at him and James stared back, raising an eyebrow. The two had a bit of a staring contest for a while before Barty walked over and kissed him on the cheek. "Sorry about the jumper. Now please help me figure out what to wear."

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES

09:41

{barty}: HELP ME?!

{pandora}: what? arent u meant to be on a date

{baty}: yes

{evan}: james showed up early a jumper got thrown at him by accident yadayada

{pandora}: .....ok

{pandora}: right whats ur problem exactly

{barty}: THIS FUCKING MAN IS BOTH ABSOLUTE SHITE AT HELPING ME PICK OUT SOMETHING TO WEAR AND ALSO ANNOYINGLY GOOD AT IT

{barty}: HE SAW EVERY OUTFIT JUST ANSWERINT THAT I LOOKED "FUCKING FANTASTIC" "MOUTH DROOLINGLY HOT" AND "TOO FINE TO BE ALIVE" AND THEN WHEN I WAS FINALLY DOEN WITH WHAT COULD BE DESCIRBED AS A FUCKING FASHION SHOW HE JUST PICKED OUT? CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES? THAT MADE SUCH A GOODFIT PANDORA IT DOESNT MKAE SENSE WHAT IS HE?!

{dorcas}: Jesus fucking christ save me

{pandora}: barty I really dont know what u want me to say

{pandora}: hes basically just this ball of mysterious light what did u expect

{regulus}: ^^ hes practically the fucking sun honestly the fact that ur still surprised st the things he does makes me question ur already non existent smartness

{barty}: OKAY OUCH???

{pandora}: wait !!

{pandora}: fit check pls

{barty}: *attached image*

{regulus}: HOLY FUCK

{regulus}: TOO FINE TO BE ALIVE IS CERTAINLYAN ACCURTE EXPLANATION 

{dorcas}: simp.

{regulus}; gfy x

{evan}: HOLY LORD ABOVE HOW HOW HOW

{evan}: FUCK ME 

{evan}: JAMES SURE KNOWS HOW TO TURN AN UGLY FACE PRETTY XOXO /j 

{barty}: UNCALLED FOR

{pandora}: wow

{pandora}: not tp be straight but barty you look GOOD

{barty}: fanks pan x

{dorcas}: arent u meant to be on a date?

{barty}: ohhh yeah okay byeee

"Okay where are we going exactly?" Barty said, hurrying to keep up. James and his stupid quidditch abilities and long ass legs. 

"Suprise. Come on hurry up, junior." James said looking at him with a grin.

"It's not my fault you're basically a tree."

"I am literally a couple inches taller than you, shut the fuck up. Moony's the tree." James linked their arms together, for some uknown reason and went down the small hill towards the field.

"Yeah that's fair. Evs and Cassie are second place though."

"They are pretty tall. Bet they tease you for being short endlessly."

"Of course they do, the fuckers."

"Well you are quite short."

"Oi! Stop being mean to me." 

James laughed with his head turned up before trying to compose himself. "It's just so easy."

"Okay you need to zip it."

EVAN AND REGULUS CHAT

10:10

FUCK

what? 

what did u do this time 

....

locked dora, Mary and lily in a broom closet?

WHAT

EVAN?!

WHAT

its taking too longgggg

i

what the fuck

any accomplices?

....

no

right

yk what idc

LET THEM OUT !!

no??

why did u even tell me then

I DONT KNOW

right im fucking letting them out then

u dk where I am???

left ur location on 

oh

yeah

DONT DO IT AGAIN

James, of course, took Barty to the place where they'd first met, the lake shimmering under the suns early morning rays hitting it just right. Barty went to turn towards the direction of the tree they sat at last time which was not at all how James had planned this.

He caught his elbow and grinned, moving his head to the direction of the lake. Barty's eyebrows immediately shot up. "No. No. There is no fucking way I am getting in what is, most likely, a freezing cold lake in the middle of fucking December in a forbidden forest. Do you even hear the word forbidden? Is that even a part of your vocabulary? That is dangerous, Jay!"

"Stop being dramatic, it is absolutely fine. I thought you were meant to be a troublemaker! Where did that rebellious spirit go, grumpy?" James said, still smiling ear to ear, as he shoved off his shirt and trousers. Of course this was the one thing Barty would object to and it was probably theleast dangerous thing he could do in Hogwarts. 

"This has nothing to do with being rebellious this is just plain stupid-"

"You do things that are just plain stupid everyday!"

Barty glared at him and continued on, "And this could be very detrimental to my health, James!"

"When did you learn the word detrimental for starters and second of all could: key word. You're going to be fine, quit whining and get in. You sound more like Regulus than you."

Before Barty could even open his mouth, James had canonballed into the water like it was his own personal pool. He swam up and splashed him from the edge, smirking as he did so. If nothing else would work, spite and competition would. Barty is a slytherin afterall. 

"I know your aim, Potter, but, admittedly, it's working. You get a 5 second head start." 

"I won't need it, love."

Barty dived in, his clothes, phone, baccy, weed, grinder, rizla and lighter lying on the floor, and swam as quick as he could towards James, causing him to shriek and swim very quickly in the other direction. 

"Won't need the five second head start bullshit, James! Swim, swim as fast as you can."

James turned his head round quickly and yelled, "But you can't catch me cos I'm a gingerbread man!"

The two laughed as they swam and Barty did eventually catch James, even though James definitely went easy on him (which Barty would firmly object to), and the two ended up staying in the lake very peacefully for quite some time.

MAURADERS AND CO CHAT

12:56

{james}: best. date. ever.

{sirius}: WHAT HAPPENED TELL ME EVERYTHING

{james}: SIRIUS I LOVE YOU SMM

{sirius}: I LOVE YOU TOO BESTIE NOW SPILL

{james}: well im still with him

{james}: but u know that lake spot in the clearance?

{sirius}: OH JAMES THATS SUCH A GOOD SPOT

{marlene}: what spot??

{peter}: marls ily but ur not a marauder so ud have no clue

{marlene}: ok babes x

{sirius}: ANYWAYS JAMES CONTINUE 

{james}: OK BESTIE

{james}: SOOO WE WENT DOWN AND I GOT HIM TO SWIM WITH MEEE

{james}: SO LIKE SWIM CHASE THING AND THEN WE JUST LAZED AND CHATTED 

{james}: NOW WERE SITTING NEAR THE TREE WITH WEED AND FOOD 

{sirius}: FUCKING HELL MATE THAT IS THE BEST DATE EVER

{sirius}: THATS JSTY SO SWEET AND COOL

{mary}: OH MY GOD???

{mary}: FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH SIRIUS THAT IS RLLY SWEET

{sirius}: rude

{mary}: nah x

{james}: FANKS GUYS XXX

{remus}: that is cute prongs is he enjoying it or whatevs 

{james}: as far as i know yes

{james}: see look

{james}: *attatched image of barty smiling*

{lily}: AWH OH MY FOD JAMES THATS OH MNY GOD

{lily}: MARY DO THIS STUFF FOR ME

{mary}: not until we get dora

{mary}: SPEAKING OF

{mary}: WHICH ONE OF U FUCKERS LOCKED US IN A BROOM CLOSET FOR AN HOUR TODAY??

{mary}: james, u n nbarty are already off the hook cos u were out

{james}: SOMEOEN LOCKED U THREE INB A BROOM CLOSTE?!??!

{lily}: YES

{sirius}; did it work?

{mary}: KINDA?

{sirius}: U CANT JUST SAY THAT ITS A YESOR NO QUESITON

{mary}; WELL DORA SAID WE SHOULD ALL MEET UP IN HOGSMEADE JUST THE THREE OF US THIS UPCOMING WEEKEND AND ME AND LILS SAID YES AND SHE WENT ON HER PHONE

{sirius}: YOU IDIOT IT WORKED

{sirius}: SHE CLEARLY ASKED U TWO ON A DATE

{lily}: WHTA

{remus}: read the message again lils

{lily}: ohhhhhh

{lily}: OH MY GOD????

{james}: OH YM GOD THIDS IS AMAXZING WTF

{sirius}: GO SPEAK TO HER RNRN 

{mary}: ON OUR WAY FANKS YOUS LOT XXXXXX

{james}: ANYTIMEEEE XXXX

{marlene}: wtaf 

{marlene}: ok i now feel single as sm1in a very happy healthy relationship so im gonna go see my gf byeeee

{james}: bye babe ill go too love ya all

{sirius}: love ya too jim jimmy jim jim jim

{james}: not my name but ok bestie !!

{remus}: i amde him watch muppets treasure island, all my hard work haas payed off

{peter}: YOU GOT HIM TO WATCH IT OH MY GOD WELL DONE 

{remus}: IKR THANKUTHANKU

{james}: bye weirdos

"Barty?" 

"Yeah?"

"Heard about mary, lils and dora?"

Bartys head snapped up from where he was sitting making a orange and lemonade. "No? What happened?"

James smiled. "Well someone locked the three of them in a broom closet for an hour and dora asked if they could all go to hogsmeade together at the weekend." 

"Oh my god! Fucking finally! Taken them long enough, whoever put them in there is a genius."

"I know right! I love that they're getting together, they're so suited for it."

Chapter Text

JAMES AND BARTY CHAT

09:15

hey <3

heyyy <3

wyd today

surprise 

youll find out later

WHAT

YOU CANT JUST TELL ME THAT

yes yes I can

SO UNFAIR

I HATE U WHAT THE FUCK

I NEED MORE INFO

the only info ur getting is that me, the other marauders and band crew are going out all day

ALL OF U

AND ILL FIND OUT LATER

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

DID U ALL BOOK A HOTEL ROOM AND AE GONNA HAVE AN ORGY OR SMTH

WHAT THE FUCK

BARTY NO

WHAT

THATS AN OKAY THOUGHT?!

NO ITS NOT

WHY

WHY

OH MY GOD

THATS GROSS 

IT IS A REASONABLE THOUGHT

NO IT ISNT????

IT TOTALLY IS

okay off topic

but u will defo be finding out today

if I can come round at night rq

of course

but just so you know all day today is going to be  spent in suspense and confusion

good :)

MARAUDERS AND CO CHAT

09:35

{james}: rq no one tell any of the slytherin skittles what we're doing

{marlene}: what makes you think we would have anyways?

{james}: idk js checking u wont

{sirius}: anywayssss

[sirius}: all of us downstairs in ten

{lily}: yup see u soon

{james}: yuh

{mary}: ok babes x

SLYTHERIN SKITTLES GROUP CHAT

09:58

*Regulus changed the name to Slythersluts*

*Dorcas changed the name to Slytherin Skittles*

*Regulus changed the name to Slythersluts*

*Dorcas changed the name to Slytherin Skittles*

*Regulus changed the name to Slythersluts*

*Dorcas changed the name to Slytherin Skittles*

*Regulus changed the name to Slythersluts*

{pandora}: STOP STOP STOP

{pandora}: dorcas we've had slytherin skittles for a while let reg change it and at a later date u can change it back

{pandora}: now shut the fuck up

{pandora}: its like I have a nursery or smth

{dorcas}: sorry pan 

{regulus}: yeah sorry pan

{pandora}: no need to say sorry

{evan}: anywayssss

{evan}: anyone noticed macdonalds group sneaking out the castle or is it just me

{barty}: WAIT WHAT

{evan}: yeah???

{evan}: the whole lot of them are there barty its not hard to miss

{regulus}: the WHOLE group?

{evan}: yh potter, black #1, lupin, pettigrew, evans, macdonald and mckinnon

{pandora}: the fact u know all of their last names is a bit concerning xoxo

{evan}: they get in trouble often enough for me to know xoxo

{barty}: WAIT NO

{barty}: James was saying to me today how he was going out w all of them for a surprise and id find out later? 

{dorcas}: so it has to be something physical

{barty}: tattoos?

{dorcas}: only me and sirius are old enough to legally get them barty

{pandora}: clothes???

{dorcas}: maybe, a very likely option

{regulus}: ur all idiots its clearly piercings.

{evan}: ah regulus ur always so sweet to us

{regulus}: gyf u cunt x 

{barty}: someones moody today

{regulus}: pls look at my other message love.

{dorcas}: RIGHT OK ANYWAYS

{pandora}: on the piercing front, watch barty and dorcas faint at the sight of marlene and James with piercings 

{barty}: shut up

{dorcas}: we will not

{evan}: uhh yeah u will?

{barty}: no we wont !

{regulus}: ok babe whatever helps u sleep at night

{barty}: how abt u see ur previous message regulus

{pandora}: wowwwww

{evan}: hey why dont u two invite James n marls to our dorm and we can all be there to watch them lose consciousness over it 

{dorcas}: no lets not ! 

{regulus}: wasnt a question

{barty}: yes it was

{regulus}: yeah but I can and will text James myself and text sirius so marls comes too so either way theyre coming over

{dorcas}: they'd never betray us like that

{pandora}: yes they would.

{regulus}: yes they would.

{evan}: yes they would. 

{barty}: ok well fuck u then

The receptionist looked at the group standing there. All seven of them were packed into this small shop like sardines in a can and the poor receptionist looked very out of their depth. Who could really handle seven teenagers who wasn't a teacher. 

"Uh hello. What can I do for you today?"

Mary answered first, holding her hand up to stop the others starting and then them all becoming a massive tangled group of noise. "We all booked appointments for today, each for different piercings. I believe Peter Pettigrew is first with an industrial." 

The receptionist (her name tag read Helen) typed into her computer. "Ah yes okay, Peter you're in now and from what it says here, Mary is going next with a septum next. Please wait on the sofa."

They all clapped Peter on the back and sat down, each of them going on their phones. Peter talked to Helen about a few things and then went into the attatching room.

DORCAS AND MARLENE CHAT

10:55

{dorcas}: what are u doing

{marlene}: wdym

{dorcas}: what are y doing 

{marlene}: WDYM

{dorcas}: we all saw u and ur group leaving the fuckint castle and u didn't tell me what's going onnn 🤨

{marlene}: nothing

{marlene}: we're js going out

{dorcas}: why ain't u telling meeeee

{marlene}: i just told u

{dorcas}: no y didnt

{marlene}: yea i did

{marlene}: and don'tforget ur finding out later i got a message from regulus that me and james are coming over later to show u lot

{marlene}: soooooo

{dorcas}: ur are SO annoying

{dorcas}: i hate u

{marlene}: love u too

PANDORA AND REGULUS CHAT

11:15

{regulus}: hey u know if ur theory is right ull see both lils and mary with piercings 

{pandora}: shut up i'm trying not to think about yhat

{regulus}: oh really and why would that be 

{pandora}: no reason

{regulus}: really?

{pandora}: yup

{pandora}: anyways dont u have a secret crush on potter

{regulus}: no

{pandora}: hm i smell bs

{pandora}: wait does this mean evans the only person with one partner (and no crushes} who isn't in gryffindor 

{regulus}: oh shit

{regulus}: yh prly

{pandora}: ok 1. aha got u to admit it 2. yh that is quite sad innit

{regulus}: 1. gfy x 2. yeah it is 

{regulus}: we're supposed to be better than gryffindors

{pandora}: frfr

{pandora}: they just draw you in without u even noticing 

{regulus}: finally someone gets it

Peter, Mary and Remus appointments had been and went -Remus got an eyebrow piercing done with Sirius drooled over very dramatically and Mary got her septum done- which means that it's James' turn now. And he's shit scared.

He's getting a tongue piercing, something he's wanted for a very long time and now that the time has gone he's petrified. Every adult he's every met has told him how much it hurts and he very much did not need that info on loop in his head while talking to Helen about the bars and the money, basically all the things that are outside of actually getting the piercing.

It's over all too soon and he's walking into the attatched room and sittin on on the blue, sterilised seat. He asked Sirius to be there and she has her piercing done next so they thought to basically do it together.

He sits down and Sirius holds his hand. The piercer talks about what he's doing and tell him to close his eyes, which is no use considering Sirius squeezes his hand as tight as he can when the needle comes out and when the needles goes into his tongue.

It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, in all honesty. But he knows it's going to get a whole lot worse soon. 

But it's over with and now he's going to be comforting Sirius while they get hers done. 

He's gone for a labret piercing, which they've wanted for a bloody long time and is finally getting done. She's always wanted funky colours and piercing bars too and says it's to show off his personality creatively or whatever the fuck. 

The piercer has drawn the markings and is now lining up the clamp to, basically, stab his friend and put metal in her face and  Sirius is clamping his hand so hard it hurts, considering she always labels herself as such a badass with the highest pain tolerance in the world (who once tried to actually prove it by goading a very drunk James into punching him so hard in the face their jaw broke and then lied and said their was a tear it was 'just allergies' when he did cry.) And suddenly, the needle is going through her lip before James has the chance to even see the piercer lining it up. Sirius squeezes his hand as hard as they possibly can and then the piercer fits the bar in and they're all done. 

Sirius sits up and the two just laugh to together and whether either of them have dried tear stains is no ones business but theirs. They leave the room and sit down, both of them reaching for their phones.

JAMES, BARTY, EVAN AND REG GROUP CHAT

11:45

*James changed the name to foursome ;)*

bitch tf?

whattttt

tf is that name choice

its FUNNY 

is it??????

yes

ok bitch what

iTS FUNNY

...ok

EVAN AND REGULUS CHAT

11:49

simp ahah

stfu

FOURSOME ;)

11:50

YOOOO

JAMES !!

HEY BABE !!

ew

stop being jealous reg

u need to shhhh

ANYWAYS

what u up to????

none ya business

wowwww

ur spending too much time w reg and evs