Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tommy coughed violently at the smokey substance that permeated his lungs.

It was going to be worth it, but primes , was it supposed to feel like this?!

He fell to his knees, dry heaving as his body attempted to reject whatever potion Tubbo had given them.

From the sounds of hacking and sputtering around him, it sounded like Tubbo and Ranboo were in the same position.

Everything hurt in hot flashes, bolts of horrific pain jolting up his spine and out to his fingers and toes. He fell completely to the floor, convulsing miserably as he cried out in pain.

It was like his bones were breaking and mending themselves over and over and over again. Like he was being stabbed with a bunch of different knives. He was a big man, he’s been stabbed plenty of times in this villain business he found himself in.

Faintly, he could hear someone scream, but everything was so fuzzy and painful that he couldn’t process if it was near or far. 

Before he knew it, the world faded out, but the pain was present, even in his dreamless sleep.

----

Tommy woke up to an early morning sunbeam shining right in his eye, causing him to groan miserably as he turned his head away from it.

“Your cheeks are so fucking chubby.” A familiar but unfamiliar voice told him factually, a childish giggle escaping from the speaker.

With a grumble, Tommy peaked an eye open, seeing Tubbo kneeling in front of him.

But… something was wrong.

Very wrong .

Tubbo’s horns weren’t poking out of his hair like they normally did, and his ears seemed… bigger. His eyes were big and bright and a lighter shade of blue than Tommy was used to, and his face was… rounder than normal.

“Am I seeing shit?” Tommy asked as he sat up, scrubbing at his eyes tiredly.

He froze.

“What the fuck is wrong with my voice?!” He screeched, his hands roaming at his neck as he tried to feel for an issue. His fingers trailed against baby soft skin, no bump of an adams apple to be felt anymore. His eyes landed on Tubbo. A very young Tubbo.

Tommy couldn’t hold back a scream that tore itself from his throat as he scrambled back unsuccessfully, his hands tripping over the excess material of his clothing, “what the fuck?!”

Tubbo was all smiles and laughter as he watched Tommy’s reaction. His clothes were huge on his frame, so baggy that his shirt was basically a dress, his jeans discarded somewhere on their living room floor because walking in those obviously wasn’t going to happen.

Tubbo scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, “yeah, the potion definitely didn’t have the effects it was supposed to…” he said, his voice young and squeaky and just- wrong . “I was so sure it’d be an enhancement potion. I swear I did everything correctly! Every ingredient should’ve been the right one! I can’t see where it all went so wrong.”

Tommy slowly looked at his own hands, little chubby fingers greeted him, and oversized clothing completely covered his frame as well, his favorite red and white t-shirt was now practically drowning him in fabric.

Shakily, he stood on his chubby and short legs, stepping right out of his jeans because there was no way in hell those things were going to miraculously stay on his legs.

A giant, bushy, gray and black striped tail brushed the back of his calves, causing him to jump a little before he realized it was his own. He suddenly remembered that he couldn’t really put away his raccoon features as a kid, forced to keep them out since he didn’t even understand hiding his features at the time. He tore his gaze away from his oversized tail, taking in his new height perspective on the world

“Is this how you see everything?” Tommy asked, realizing that he could barely peak above the couch at this height.

Tubbo rolled his eyes, giving Tommy the fakest laugh he could muster, “you’re hilarious.” He said dryly.

“Is Tommy awake?” A new voice asked, one that was hardly recognizable with its much higher tone.

Tubbo hummed in affirmation, eyes caught on someone behind Tommy. 

Tommy turned as well, seeing Ranboo in all his toddler glory.

He was so much shorter than he was as a teenager, his horns were just barely poking out of his hair, and his ears were a more average size (as a teen they were long and pointy, stretching back to be around four inches long) and just barely pointing at the ends. His tail had shrunk as well, but the fluffy hairs on the tip of it seemed much longer and fluffier than before. Ranboo’s hair and skin was the same as it always was with his enderian traits, half pristine white and the other half a nightly black; Tommy vaguely wondered what the human form of him would look like.

Ranboo suddenly snorted, a giggle bubbling out of his mouth, “your cheeks are so chubby!”

Tommy glared, “you’re pointing this out too?! What the hell man?!”

Ranboo only laughed harder, Tubbo joining in as he caught the look on Tommy’s face.

“Why are you guys laughing?!”

“You-” Tubbo snorted, trying to speak between bouts of laughter, “your pouting face is so fucking- it’s so babyish! Look at your little cheeks!”

Tommy could feel a flush overtake his face, “shut up!” He whined, burying his face in his hands. His tiny tiny hands that didn’t have any fucking coverage. “You guys are fucking bullies!”

“Aw Tommy!” Tubbo cooed teasingly, “you’re adorable! I never realized; and I’m the one that grew up with you!”

“I hate you both so much.” Tommy seethed, “die. Die terribly.”

Tubbo only burst into giggles once more, an odd bleat escaping his mouth as he did so. It was so different from the goat-like bleats or devilish screams he did occasionally. Tubbo slapped his hands over his mouth at the sound, a flustered red taking over his face.

“Oh my primes.” Tommy whispered.

Ranboo seemed equally shocked, a ghost of a smile starting to form on his lips.

“I can’t believe I forgot you used to bleat all the time!” Tommy exclaimed, happy that it was his turn to tease his friends.

“You used to bleat like that?” Ranboo asked in awe, unusually soft.

Tubbo grew even more flustered, his ears pinning down as much as they could on his head. He carefully removed his hands, seeming to test how uncontrollable it was, “both of you are terrible friends. I hate you both.”

Tommy burst into laughter, but Ranboo, on the other hand, reacted quite differently.

“Do it again.” He said, his pupils blown wide with awe and interest. His tail was flickering curiously, like a cat as he stared Tubbo down, their height difference still a factor in their new child-like states. Except now, instead of having a good foot on Tubbo, Ranboo was maybe three inches taller, while Tommy stood at maybe two inches taller than their shorter friend.

“You’ll make fun of me.” Tubbo responded, arms crossed in front of him as he pouted angrily. His cheeks puffed out in a way that only happened when Tubbo was young. “You guys are dickheads.”

Ranboo shook his head adamantly, “I won’t, I swear. Do it again.” There was a slight hope in his voice as he asked, eyes still wide and his puppy eyes being used to their full effect. (He didn’t use puppy eyes consciously, and no one ever told him how effective they were, because if anyone was weak to anything, they would be weak to Ranboo doing puppy eyes). “Please?” He added on, a little guiltily after realizing he didn’t use manners.

Tubbo sighed, rolling his eyes before he carefully let out the quietest bleat he could manage. Just like a baby goat.

Ranboo’s eyes widened even further, a smile growing on his cheeks in excitement as his tail flicked back and forth wildly with delight. “That is the best sound I’ve ever heard.” Ranboo whispered in some sort of awed tone.

Tubbo blushed, turning his head to hide some of the reddening of his cheeks as he sputtered, “Ranboo! You can’t just- that’s- fuck you!”

“Do it again!” Ranboo demanded, his child voice squeaking ever so slightly at the end.

Tubbo crossed his arms, sending a glare towards the taller boy, “just because we’re children now, doesn’t mean I can’t wield a knife.”

Ranboo immediately held his hands up in a placating gesture, stepping away from the goat hybrid and scrambling to hide behind Tommy.

“Pussy boy.” Tommy muttered, a little giggle unintentionally bubbling up from his gut.

“It’s so wrong to hear you say that with your baby tone.” Tubbo said, his squishy lil face scrunching up in distaste.

“Pussy.” Tommy said slower, enjoying the way Tubbo physically cringed. “Puss. Pussy boy. Big Puss. Pussy pussy pussy.”

Each repeat of the word had Tubbo’s big goat ears flicking as if they could whack the words away like they were flies.

Ranboo slapped a tiny hand over Tommy’s mouth, ignoring the way Tommy licked his palm in an attempt to get his mouth free. “That’s enough out of you now.” He looked to Tubbo, purposefully looking away from the fiery glare Tommy was currently sending him. “Tubs, how in the world are we supposed to change back? I don’t know about you guys, but my skills weren’t very developed as a kid. I don’t think I can teleport anyone out of dangerous situations with this tiny body.”

Tubbo hummed, “I don’t quite know. When I made the potion, I intended for it to last one, maybe two weeks? And it was supposed to give us ungodly strength. But I obviously messed something up. I don’t know how long an age reversal potion will last.”

“If that’s the case, then I think we should get some help.”

Tommy pried off Ranboo’s chubby little fingers off his mouth, “who in the hell would help us boob boy?!”

“I don’t know, maybe a fellow villain?! ”

Tommy pouted, his fluffy raccoon ears flattening themselves to the top of his head with displeasure. “I refuse to ever speak to Jack Manifold or Quackity at this time.”

Ranboo rolled his eyes, “there’s literally so many more villains than those two. Why not one of them?”

“I don’t wanna.” Tommy said simply, crossing his arms in a childlike manner as his tail swished behind him.

Tubbo shrugged, jumping into the conversation with, “honestly, I’d quite like to see what we’re capable of. We have the bodies of children, but we still have the brains of our teenage selves.”

Ranboo made a face, “ew, baby angst.”

Tubbo ignored him, a ghost of a smile on his cheeks from the comment. “I’d honestly love to see how the public reacts to some kids that happen to look like us being villains.”

Tommy couldn’t stop the grin that formed on his cheeks, his ears twitching with full attention at Tubbo’s proposition. “Where do we start big man?”

“For starters,” Tubbo gestured at their dress-like shirts, “I think we need a change of clothes.”

-------

“I’m not grabbing a cart, Tubbo.” Ranboo huffed, “I can barely reach the handle! How am I supposed to steer?”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “we need the cart to maximize the cuteness factor. Help people see just how young we are.”

“And what if we get sent to child protective services for being three children in a store without any adult supervision?” Ranboo asked, his tail twitching in agitation.

“Then we sic Tommy on them.” Tubbo stepped forward, placing a chubby child hand on Ranboo’s shoulder, “we’ll be just fine Ranboo, we’re not gonna get caught just because we’re children. We’re more capable than that.” He smiled softly, “we haven’t been caught yet, right?”

Ranboo sighed, visibly giving in as his shoulders slouched and his head tilted towards the sky, as if he was about to curse the primes above. Begrudgingly, and much to Tubbo’s delight, he grabbed a cart, yanking it free of its cart prison and starting to push it towards the store doors.

It looked stupid, and Tommy immediately fell into a fit of giggles at the sight of Ranboo being barely tall enough to reach something for the first time in his entire life.

Ranboo merely glared at the younger, his tail brushing across Tommy’s cheek in a mocking form of a slap, which only tickled his cheek and made the giggles even stronger.

The three pushed onwards and into the store, Tommy barely containing his bubbly attitude as they strode inside.

Immediately they were stared at. What a sight it must’ve been for three young children to waltz into a thrift store as if they were full-grown and doing their day to day shopping.

Just like they had planned, Tommy snuck off to the other side of the store towards the kids' clothing, snatching shirts and pants that he thought they all would like while Tubbo and Ranboo pretended to shop for their own things, loudly chatting between themselves about anything and everything.

They had all measured themselves back at home, getting their clothes sizes from the magic of the internet before they made their way here, decked out in oversized hoodies that dropped to their calves.

Tommy grabbed a green shirt for Tubbo, a cartoon bee with knees decorating the front as some text happily stated, “I’m the bee's knees!” It was ugly and dumb, but it was perfect. For Ranboo he almost grabbed a purple shirt, but after reading the front text he realized it said “Lady Killer,” and quickly discarded it onto the floor with a gag. Seriously, why do people feel the need to make clothes like that for fucking children ? Disgusting.

He found a purple sweater instead, decorated with little star decals and a cartoon looking otter on the front. The text above and below the little creature said, “Take me to Otter Space.” It was the perfect shirt for Ranboo, he would appreciate the terrible pun.

Tommy took his time choosing his own shirt, still able to hear Ranboo and Tubbo start arguing about something a few aisles over. People were beginning to get closer to the pair now, casually walking past the aisle they were in and glancing over to see if the kids were just loud and their parent(s) were too tired to quiet them down, or if they were truly alone. They probably didn’t have much more time before someone tried to “help” them by offering to call someone.

It took only another minute before Tommy was able to find a shirt of his own. It was basically a copy of his red and white t-shirt he had at home. He wandered off to hide where no cameras could see him in a quieter section of the store before pulling the shirt tag off and dropping it under a rack of blankets. He pulled the shirt under his sweatshirt, and with only a few awkward movements, he was able to maneuver it onto himself underneath the baggy sweater he wore.

He did have to awkwardly pop his head under the hoodie neckline in order to fully wear the shirt, but once he got that on, he was on his way back to his best friends. Tommy took time to shove the two shirts for his friends into each of his sleeves, taking extra care to make it look natural with his tiny arms as he went on his way.

Once he was back in the childrens isle, still able to hear Ranboo and Tubbo conversing with one another, he grabbed three pairs of jeans from the rack, only taking a second to double check that the sizes were right before tying them around his waist underneath his sweater, once again making sure that they looked natural beneath the baggy clothing.

Thanks to his absolute genius , they had all the clothes they needed. But sadly, they couldn’t steal shoes. Not with how much Tommy was currently carrying. They tried to convince Ranboo to grab some and teleport away, but when he attempted teleportation at home, he couldn’t even poof across the room. The furthest he got was five feet away before he fell on the floor, completely out of breath.

Fucking wimp.

“Hello there.” A kind voice greeted from a few aisles over, making Tubbo and Ranboo’s bickering cease completely. “Are you two here with your parents?”

That was Tommy’s cue to start making his way to the front of the store for their eventual escape.

“Our mommy is in the car!” Tubbo chirped in response, using his best baby voice. (Even though his voice was already babyfied with their reduction in age). “She gave me this many money to buy us some new shoes!” Tommy snuck past the aisle, catching sight of Tubbo proudly presenting a crumpled up twenty dollar bill. They’d have to spend at least a tiny bit of their earnings on this heist, just to avoid any suspicion.

“Why didn’t your mommy come into the store with you, sweetie?”

“She was on the phone so we snuck out the window! Now she won’t have to come inside and worry!”

Tubbo’s voice faded to the back of the store as Tommy moved closer to the doors, Tommy shaking his head fondly at their excuse. Ah yes, their figurative mom that they only used for the pity factor, also to raise their sweetness level. Two kids going into a store by themselves to keep their mom from worrying too much? Absolute angels. (More like absolute stressors, if their figurative mom was real, she would have a heart attack from them sneaking out of her car to go shopping. And she’d probably disapprove of them being villains).

He was so lost in thought, that he didn’t even realize he was towards the front of the store before he collided nose first into someone's leg. His little child body overcompensated from the bump, taking two steps back before dramatically allowing him to fall onto his butt.

“Watch where you’re goin, kid.” A gruff voice chided, but not unkindly. Though this gruff voice was terribly familiar.

Tommy looked up to see none other than Techno, the very man who held the status of a hero. And one of the trio’s own personal enemies. They had this cool rivalry thing going on, Tommy steals stuff like the cool and poggers man he is, the top heroes attempt to stop him but never can because they’re lame.

He knew Techno’s identity not because they met as civilians before, but because Tubbo dug it up after his latest hacking feat, right into the hero’s base, just because he wanted to. (Don’t ask Tommy about how he did so, it’s a very long and boring story filled with big phrases and details that only Tubbo was really privy to. Tommy didn’t care enough to make sense of all of the technological terms anyway).

Techno kneeled in front of him, dark red eyes that could be mistaken for brown flickering around Tommy’s frail body, as if looking for any possible injuries. He frowned slightly at the sight of the overly baggy hoodie, his eyes catching on the fluffed up gray and black tail that stood on end behind Tommy’s back.

His eyes narrowed, but he subtly shook his head and continued, “you okay there?”

“No thanks to you!” Tommy pouted, cranking up his angry child factor, “you are a meanie! And I hate you!”

Techno’s eyebrows raised considerably, “hate is a big word to use on a stranger, little guy,”

“I’m not a little guy!”

Techno raised a brow, his gaze flashing down then up Tommy’s body as though he had to double check that Tommy was, in fact, very little. “Okay, okay. Sure. Whatever you wanna say.” Techno said with an amused huff, raising his hands in a placating gesture in an attempt to calm Tommy down. But Tommy would not calm down. This wasn’t part of the plan. Running into a goddamn hero disguised as a civilian wasn’t supposed to happen! It was an in and out type of operation!

“What’s your name kid?” Techno asked surprisingly softly, his head tilted in a curious manner, “and where are your parents?”

The oddest and most overwhelming urge to cry suddenly struck Tommy, like a tidal wave of emotion collapsed onto his tiny body.

There was too much all at once. Too many lights, too many people, too many sounds.

He doesn’t even understand why his eyes immediately burned with the tell-tale sign of tears, fat droplets of salty water dripping down his cheeks dramatically.

What is wrong with this tiny baby body of his?! Why must he cry at this moment? In front of fucking Techno of all people? Also, was no one wondering why Techno was shopping in a thrift store of all places?! The man is rich! The fuck is he doing here?

Techno’s eyes widened into a state of panic, gentle pleas for Tommy to calm down whispered as his arms danced around Tommy, unsure of whether to touch the crying child or not.

Tommy, in his distraught state, decided that he’s forced to hate Techno, which felt a little wrong, but it had to happen.

Suddenly, Techno asked him, “if you had to choose, would you have an army of dogs, or a polar bear?”

The question was so odd, that Tommy found that his brain stuttered as it tried to process an answer.

The tears slowed to a stop just as sudden as they began, the last of them dripping from the tip of Tommy’s chin and splattering on the cold tile below. Tommy blinked the remnants of the salty water out of his eyes, his vision clearing to see Techno’s gaze nervously watching him. Tommy hiccuped as he tried to steady his breathing, forcing his heart to slow its racing thumps.

As Tommy actually thought the question over, he was struck with the sudden realization that Techno wasn’t just a regular civilian. Sure, Tommy has known Techno’s true identity for quite some time now; he knew almost all of the heroes true identities. But, Techno was a hero. Tommy’s nemesis, the person who was supposed to want him arrested over anything else.

All of that, and here Techno was, somehow calming Tommy down with a single, odd question.

Sure, Techno didn’t have any idea on who Tommy really was, or the fact that he was RaccoonInnit, but it was still kind of him. He could’ve run away the second Tommy started to cry. But he didn’t.

Why?

Why would this hero stop his day for him? A feral little raccoon hybrid of a child?

“I think I’d choose the polar bear.” Techno answered his own question first, as though he were still trying to pull Tommy from his thoughts. “I’d name him… Steve. He’d be big and fluffy, and he’d also maim anyone who threatened me or my family.”

Tommy sniffled, “Steve is a stupid name” he muttered. “I’d choose a polar bear too. Though she’d be a female because women are poggers. I’d name her… Prime Bear, Prayer for short.”

Techno huffed, though not in a negative way, almost fondly considering Tommy was a complete stranger to the man. “Now that you’re feeling a little better, why don’t we see if we can find your guardian. I don’t want to be responsible for you getting yourself lost.”

Oh fuck. Oh no oh fuck oh shit. This wasn’t part of the plan?!

It was too late to run screaming, Techno already had a firm hold on Tommy’s tiny little hand, he was trapped.  

Primes help me. Please, I promise I’ll be so good. I won’t bite anyone anymore I swear! Just let me get out of this situation! Please! Tommy prayed silently to the Primes above.

So, Tommy did the only thing he could do.

He screamed.

“Let me go! Help!” Tommy cried out, dropping all his weight to the floor in an attempt to make Techno let go of his hand. “I’m being kidnapped!”

Upon the first rise of Tommy’s voice, people were already staring. But by the time he yelled in distress, two angry looking adults were marching their way over to the pair.

Techno frantically glanced at Tommy, confusion dancing in his eyes as he quietly mouthed, “what the hell?” He let go of Tommy’s hand, dropping him to the floor completely before he raised his own hands in a show of peace. “I was trying to help him find his guardian, I swear.” He defended himself meekly, his face a deep shade of red.

Tommy scrambled away, ducking between bodies and legs until he slipped and fell in the middle of an aisle. 

He panted as he regained his breath, staying sitting in the middle of the aisle. When he felt a little calmer, the rush of adrenaline finally easing. He turned around, ready to search for Tubbo and Ranboo, when he noticed a woman approaching him cautiously. Her eyes shined with worry as she carefully approached, then crouched to be more level with Tommy, offering her hand to help him up. He accepted the help, the stranger gently pulling him to his feet. Her long black hair was braided over her shoulder and dropped down to her hip, eyes as dark as the night while cautiously watching for whoever had grabbed Tommy. “Are you okay dear? That must’ve been so scary for you, but you were so brave.” Her voice was warm and calm, making Tommy feel almost… safe, in a way.

Tommy couldn’t help the swell of pride that twisted through his chest at how he had escaped the clutches of the heroes yet again, “I am a very big man.”

She chuckled fondly, gently stroking his cheek to wipe away a tear that had not yet dried as her dark brown, almost black eyes searched Tommy for any injuries. “Where are your parents' little one? Are you here all alone?”

“I-”

But before he could mutter some sort of excuse, Tubbo appeared, hand in hand with Ranboo. He was pulling the enderian hybrid along in a desperate hurry, relief in his eyes as he sprinted towards Tommy. “Tommy!”

Tubbo ran full force into him, their tiny bodies colliding and immediately falling to the floor with their poor sense of balance. Ranboo was tugged after them, Tubbo never releasing his hold and accidentally causing the three of them to fall to a heap on the floor.

“Oh my primes dude! Don’t scare me like that!” Tubbo immediately scolded, pulling away to check that Tommy was okay before whirling towards the woman, a glare flaring in his gaze as his ears pinned themselves flat to his skull. “Stay away from us!”

Tommy quickly grabbed Tubbo’s wrist, “no Tubbo! She’s cool! She’s not the one who almost kidnapped me.”

He stumbled up and onto his feet, carefully stepping in between his friends and the kind woman that had come to help him when he had almost been kidnapped by Techno (he was obviously not almost kidnapped, but the act must go on). 

“I just want to help you get back to your guardians.” She said calmly, looking directly at Tubbo. Not realizing that she was basically staring into the eyes of death. “I assume you’re all family?”

Ranboo nodded, “thank you for helping us, but we really should get back to our… mom?”

The word sounded strange coming from any of them, since they never really grew up with parental figures in their lives.

The woman chuckled softly, her head tilting to the side as she asked, “and just how do you plan on getting out of the store without the cameras seeing you and alarms going off?”

The three boys flinched at the sudden question, their eyes widening as they stared at the strange woman who easily called them out over their thefts.

“Who are you?” Tubbo asked, his glare narrowing as he gently pulled his friends slightly behind himself, acting as a tiny human shield for their makeshift family.

The woman laughed softly, still completely calm despite the obviously nervous kids in front of her. “Tell you what. You let me help you buy all these clothes that you were about to steal, and in return, I'll tell you my name.”

“But none of that really benefits you .” Tubbo pointed out.

She shrugged, “I don’t really need anything. Besides, I’m not about to ask three kids to do something for me. That’d be a little messed up, wouldn’t it?” Her head tilted to the side as she smiled, her hand reaching out for a handshake between them. “My name is Kristin, it’s lovely to meet you three.”

Tommy immediately reached out from behind Tubbo to shake her hand. He had a good feeling about Kristin, she was nice, and there was something… familiar about her. For whatever reason, he felt like he’s heard her name before. 

But it was probably nothing to be worried about! Kristin was very nice, which meant that he could probably put all his trust into this woman he just met!

“Okay boys, load absolutely anything you need or want into a cart. Clothes, shoes, jackets, undergarments, all of it.” She booped Tubbo’s nose as she went to stand, her kind smile never faltering. “I’ll pay for whatever you need.”

“Why?” Ranboo asked nervously, his tail curling itself around Tubbo’s arm for comfort. “Why are you helping us?”

For the first time in their conversation, Kristin frowned, her brows furrowing in concern. “Sweetheart, you’re what? Three? Maybe four? All alone in a thrift store wearing only oversized hoodies. You shouldn’t have to resort to stealing just to have basic necessities.” She patted the top of Ranboo’s head, her fingernails gently scratching at his scalp as he leaned into her touch. She cooed softly, “I don’t know your stories, and I won’t pry into your private life, but if I can offer my help to someone, that’s the least I could do.”

She chuckled softly, “honestly, I’m half tempted to ask you three to come home with me, give you a proper meal and a warm bed to sleep in.”

Tubbo glanced at both Ranboo and Tommy, his gaze practically screaming a blatant distrust for the kind woman helping them. “We appreciate the offer ma’am, but we’re plenty capable on our own.”

She seemed surprised for a moment, her lips parting in a silent shock before she neutralized her expression. “You boys have some very advanced vocabulary, it’s very impressive.” She didn’t seem to notice the way they nervously glanced at one another, afraid they were being called out. “Your parents or guardians must be proud of you for being so smart!”

The praise made Tommy blush, his blue eyes widening at such sincerity. And the best thing? Kristin didn’t laugh it off as a joke or make it seem like they should feel guilty for receiving such a compliment. She was completely serious about it.

“We’re too smart for anyone.” Tubbo insisted, a bright red blush flaring on his chubby cheeks. His ears twitched in their embarrassment, pinning themselves down to his head in a show of his true feelings in the moment.

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” Kristin said genuinely, a soft smile forming just for them.

Tommy felt his own tail turn bushy, each hair raising on end in his flustered state. It wrapped itself around his waist and he buried his hands in his own fur, brushing it back down to normal with nervous fingers.

“Alright. I’m gonna go grab a cart. Why don’t you three start trying on some shoes since we’re already nearby?” Kristin asked, backing away to go retrieve a cart from the front, “wait right there okay? I’ll be back in a second.”

With a small nod from Tubbo, she was off. Vanishing around a clothing rack within two steps, seeing as they were too short to see above anything here.

Both Tommy and Ranboo immediately looked to Tubbo for advice. He was their main planner after all, as well as the guy who called most of the shots.

Tubbo shrugged, “I don’t know why, but I feel like we should know her.”

Tommy immediately chirped, “I feel the same! Her name is so fucking familiar for some reason!”

Ranboo nodded as well, “maybe we’ve stumbled across her in one of our various crimes?”

Tubbo hummed, not seeming quite content with the answer, but accepting it anyway. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon enough. For now, let’s take her up on that offer and get ourselves some clothes. I don’t know about you two, but I really would like to wear an actual shirt right about now. This hoodie is hot as fucking hell.”

“Agreed.” Tommy mumbled, immediately whirling around and skipping towards the various shoes that sloppily lined the shelves.

By the time Kristin returned, a cart rattling down the aisle and announcing her approach, the boys each had on a pair of shitty sneakers they were trying on. They wouldn’t be color coordinated, but they’d have to do, seeing as their options were so limited.

She smiled as she watched them goof around, hopping and doing little walking tryouts to make sure that their chosen shoes fit alright.

“So, you three know my name,” Kristin started speaking as she knelt down to help Tubbo take off the shoe that was stuck on his foot. His face erupted into a blush as she wordlessly eased it off his foot, putting it back with its pair onto the shelf. “May I know your names now?”

Tommy sent Tubbo a questioning glance, and at his shrug of response he happily spoke up. “My name is Tommy! And these are my best friends and brothers, Tubbo and Ranboo!”

Kristin practically beamed at his reply, “it’s lovely to meet you three. I wish you could meet my son, but he seems to have vanished on me.” She sent a curious glance around the store, “he was here just a little bit ago, but I’m guessing he wandered off and forgot to tell me.”

“He sounds like a bitch.” Tommy told her, nodding as seriously as he could.

Kristin seemed shocked for a moment, her eyebrows raising as she barked out a surprised laugh. The surprise melted into a look of fondness, warm brown eyes locking onto Tommy’s blue. “You know what? He is, isn't he?”

The trio was surprised at Kristin’s response. Tommy was shocked since he was sure that she would scold him for his foul use of language.

She laughed again, “alright dears, let’s go find you some proper clothing.” She turned around to grab the cart but paused, looking over her shoulder to Tommy with a knowing look. “Tommy dear? Please take out all those extra clothes in your hoodie so we can properly pay for them. And if you could run along and find those price tags for the clothes you’re wearing, that’d be good as well.”

Tommy’s cheeks burned as he clumsily pulled out all the extra clothing he had hidden. But he had to admit, it felt nice taking it all out, it was getting sweltering hot in that hoodie. He handed them off to Kristin, who happily placed them in the cart. She didn’t lecture him for almost stealing, she didn’t tell him that what he did was wrong, she just smiled patiently, her gaze soft as it flickered between the three criminal children.

With red ears, he ran off to find the pulled price tags on his own clothes, avoiding other customers' stares as he raced down the aisles.

He was able to find them relatively quickly, returning to the awaiting Kristin and sheepishly handing her the tags.

“Thank you Tommy.” Kristin said as she gingerly set the tags on the top of the pile of clothing in the cart. “It was very brave of you to hand this to me, I know it’s a scary thing to do. And I know it’s even scarier to trust a complete stranger. But I’m proud of you three. Thank you for trusting me to buy you some proper clothing.”

Needless to say, the boys unanimously decided right then and there that Kristin deserved the world, and that they do all the crime in the world if it meant making her happy. (Except maybe murder, they’d probably still stay away from that one).

They went around the entire store, Kristin spending the entire time with them. She helped them find clothes that would fit, sending them off to the dressing room every now and again with entire piles of clothes, offering her help if they needed it and letting them throw her mini fashion shows whenever they would do one of their many dress up sessions.

She let them all ride in the cart as they made their way around the store, pushing them down aisles with race car sounds whenever an aisle happened to be empty. The boys whooped and hollered every time they gained a burst of speed, disrupting the shoppers around them but they didn’t care. They were having fun.

It took them hours to finish their shopping, a decent amount of outfits for the three of them, some shoes, socks, underwear that would properly fit, the whole shebang. She even got them cheap ice creams or sodas from the front coolers when they went to the registers to pay for their stuff, letting them choose whatever treat they wanted.

Of course, they all felt guilty over the fact that they weren’t actually children, that this complete stranger was kind enough to pay for their clothing even though she would get nothing in return. (Nothing she knew of at least, they’d be keeping a sharp eye out for her protection).

Kristin even bought them a rolling suitcase after she learned that they walked here, so that they would be able to transport all their stuff home easier. 

She paid, helped them pack all their new things into the suitcase, and walked them to the front of the store.

Kristin kneeled down in front of them before they could take off. “I won’t ask any questions on where you’re going or where your guardian is, but I need you to know.” She dug around in her purse, digging out a scrap piece of paper and a pen, scribbling something down before handing it to Ranboo. The most responsible looking of their group.

“If you need anything , and I mean anything. You call me from this number here.” She made sure to make direct eye contact with each of them, to ensure that they knew she was serious. “Whether you need a place to stay, somewhere to sleep, some food, blankets, a friend to chat with, anything.” Kristin held up a hand before any of them could butt in. “I know you’re more than capable of being on your own. You are the most responsible children I’ve ever met. But sometimes, it’s nice to have someone else care for you.”

Tommy couldn’t help it. He stepped forward and wrapped his tiny arms around Kristin’s neck, hugging her as tightly as he could.

If he had a mother, he’d want her to be like Kristin.

He felt Tubbo and Ranboo join in on the hug, Kristin remaining still as three little children hugged her unprompted. Their eyes damp with… the dryness of the air and definitely not because they were feeling emotional. Shut up.

Emotions? What are those? Never heard of them, thank you next and all that.

Kristin’s warm arms wrapped around the three of them, her lips pulled upwards in an ever fond smile as she cradled them close, chuckling at the tiny damp spots she could feel appearing through her shirt as the boys wiped away their unshed tears.

Wait no- uh- their sweating eyes. Because they don’t cry. Ever. No. It’s illegal for them to cry. Unless Tubbo cries. Then they are allowed to cry. That is simply how it works because if Tubbo cries everyone cries.

“Thank you, Kristin.” Tommy whispered as they all pulled away.

Then they were off, sprinting down the street, their suitcase rattling behind them.

They had things to do! Crimes to commit! The day was still young!

Laughter bubbled from their chests as they ran, their hearts feeling light from the kind stranger they happened to stumble across.

Compared to how their day began, things were really starting to look up for the trio.

-------

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Chapter Text

Kristin waved at the retreating trio until they vanished around a corner, smiling as they laughed while they ran off, their little tails flicking and wiggling with overwhelming joy as they scurried off. They probably felt like they tricked her into thinking they were actual children.

“Mom, you do realize who those kids are, right?” Techno suddenly asked from beside her. She hadn’t noticed him earlier, too wrapped up in making sure the trio was okay. “I know you’re more than capable of defending yourself, but I have to be sure you know.”

The kids in question were recognizable to anyone with eyes. RaccoonInnit was the most obvious. There wasn’t anyone quite like him after all. Sun blond hair, bright blue eyes, and the most telling, raccoon features. Then his friends were quite telling on their own. She’s heard of Ender before, normally their scapegoat and very recognizable thanks to his half and half enderian traits, but the last kid was new. Most likely their chair guy. Tubbo, if she recalls his name correctly from her short time spent with them. 

The kids were frighteningly obvious as their villain counterparts, but the idea was so crazy and outlandish that everyone seemed afraid to do anything about it. Kristin already knows that multiple people called in a sighting of the three, but no hero had shown up, most likely due to Techno already being on the scene. He was hiding from strangers and keeping an eye on her the entire time. She knew this only because she raised him and her mother instincts practically screamed that he was nearby.

She scoffed, turning towards her son with a raise of her eyebrow, “of course I can recognize the three villains that have been terrorizing my boys for months.”

“Alright, fair enough.” Techno said with a shrug, he’s never been all that concerned over his usual nemesis. “I take it that you’re going to try and befriend them?”

 “Did you see them, Techno?” She gestured to where the boys disappeared, “something obviously went wrong at home and now they’re… toddlers. You don’t really want to arrest three three year olds, right?”

“You already know that I personally don’t consider them as threats.” Techno hummed, scratching at his chin with a yawn, “they’ve never murdered anyone, and they’re pretty harmless to civilians. They just like making trouble for insurance companies, corporations, and heroes.”

“They’re just so little. And mentally they’re still teens.” Kristin said, she gently reached up to cradle Techno’s cheeks in her palms, bumping their foreheads together in Technoblade’s favorite way to show affection. “They grew up with no one but themselves. Of course they’d have to turn to crime in order to get by. I’d do the same if it meant keeping my family from being on the streets. To keep you all fed.”

“Mom… You’re acting as though I need convincing.”

Kristin sighed, “I just want to say my thoughts out loud.”

Techno let out a quiet, but happy piglin grunt, his eyes fluttering shut as he leaned into his mother’s hold. “The tower isn’t going to be happy about this.”

“Then they won’t find out.” Kristin promised, “it can be our little secret.”

“I like keeping a good secret or two. Especially from the tower.” Techno agreed, “what should I put down for my report here?”

“You say you checked it out. They were just three kids that happened to look a little similar to the villains you’ve all been searching for.” She sent him a warm smile, a happy burst of pride fluttering through her chest as she looked between his dark reddish brown eyes. Techno has grown up so fast. He was so strong and loyal, kind (when people were kind to him) and smart. She was endlessly proud of her son. “They’ll take your word for it. I swear. And if they don’t, they’ll have to answer to me.”

That earned a quiet chuckle from her son, and they started their way back home.

They had planned on doing some thrift shopping today, a little activity they’ve been doing together ever since Techno first came into her and Phil’s lives. Techno loved people-watching and exploring odd shops and bookstores. But it seemed as though fate had different plans for them today.

“Are we gonna tell Dad about this?” Techno asked as they walked, his hands tucked into his red hoodie pockets.

Kristin smiled to herself, a mischievous spark growing to a flame within her chest. “I think we should keep this to ourselves for now. Your father ate the last macaroon last night, he deserves to be driven a bit mad for that.”

Techno barked out a laugh, bumping lightly into Kristin’s side in an affectionate manner. A smile that mirrored Kristin’s own appeared on his lips. “You know what? Dad was a little too excited about winning that monopoly game on family night. I could do with a little bit of revenge.”

What a wonderful mother-son bonding day indeed.

--------

After a well rested night, Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo were off once more, ready to commit crimes and cause mass panic. Finally dressed in clothes that fit right was a god send.

“Any last words, scum? ” Tommy growled, his tail bushy and twitching wildly as he threatened the person before him.

They shook their head, their lip wobbling in fear.

Tommy grinned, lifting his foot and shoving at their chest, resulting in them screaming as they slipped and fell. 

Finally.

After all this time.

Tommy was king!

He was the king of the motherfucking slides bitch!

The kid he shoved slid down the dark blue tunnel slide, screaming the entire way before their scream bubbled into a laugh.

How dare they mock him?! Their king?! 

He leaned over the railing, pointing angrily at the child who was still hiccuping laughter as they rolled in the sand. “You dare to mock me, peasant?!”

The kid only giggled, sticking their tongue out and blowing a raspberry Tommy’s way. 

He was about to cuss them out, but suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his torso, lifting him an entire inch off the ground.

“Alright, that’s enough out of you Tommy. It’s time that we do some actual work.” Ranboo said, already carrying Tommy off of the playground equipment, Tubbo following at his side while clicking away on his phone.

“Awwww…” Tommy whined, his ears flattening against his head as his tail curled around him, “five more minutes?”

“C’mon dude.” Tubbo piped up, slapping Tommy lightly on the arm, “if we keep giving into the child side of our brains, there’s a chance that we could actually de-age. Meaning we can’t get back into our original forms.”

Tommy froze, “are you serious?”

“Unfortunately… yes.” Tubbo said grimly, hopping off the last step of the colorful playground. “I delved deeper into the ingredients we used in the potion we took last night, and it’s starting to look like some of the ingredients have the potential to actually fuck with our brain development. Which wasn’t something I noticed before since it was one of the many possible side effects.”

You know what? Tommy was going to store that very serious information for later. He did not need to unpack that right now. Besides, he was having fun. Thank you very much. It’s not every day he can shove a child off a slide and get away with it.

Just- don’t give in to child instincts. Got it.

That’d be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

The three approached a line of cars on the curb, and after a glance around to make sure no one was watching, they went down the line checking doors.

Three cars down they found one unlocked, Tommy wordlessly clambering inside and ducking below the steering wheel to find the appropriate wires for hotwiring the car to start.

The engine purred as the car started up, and Tommy remained below to press the brake to release the car from the locks of the gear shift.

“Alright, press the gas Tommy. Just a tad.” Tubbo asked, standing on his tiptoes on the driver's seat in an attempt to appear taller than he actually was as he stood behind the wheel.

Ranboo manned the gear shift, even though the car was an automatic, it wasn’t as if Tubbo could reach the lever efficiently should they need it. Though they had buckled themselves into the seat, pulling themselves forward just enough to reach the gear shift.

“Where are we going Tubso?” Tommy asked, still lightly pressing on the gas pedal. He could feel the car jerk slightly whenever he pushed or lightened up on the pedal, and even though he couldn’t see where they were going, the adrenaline was absolutely racing through his tiny body. “Because if you need some ideas, I may have one for you.”

“I’ve already made plans, but tell me your idea anyway.” Tubbo said, then, with an audible grin, “floor it Tommy. Just for a couple seconds, then release.”

Tommy has never pressed a pedal so fast in all his life. His tiny baby hand planted itself in the middle of that thing and shoved it to the floor, immediately causing the car to jerk before they sped up considerably.

He was less excited about letting go of the pedal, their car lurching at the sudden gear shift. Tommy had to assume that Tubbo sped around someone, it wasn’t as if he could see anything. For all he knew, they could’ve just threatened to run someone over, and Tommy would be none the wiser.

“Light pressure on the gas.” Tubbo instructed, “Now, what was your idea you wanted to tell me about?”

“Okay king, hear me out.” Tommy started, following Tubbo’s instructions as he spoke, “what if I told you that I have multiple buckets of glitter hidden at home?”

“Absolutely not.”

“What?! But you didn’t even hear my idea!” Tommy protested, whipping around to glare at the older. He caught Ranboo out of the corner of his eye, who was awkwardly pretending he didn’t exist.

“I know you Tommy.” Tubbo said simply, “and I also know that my computers search history has been mysteriously filled with the location of a fucking soap factory.”

“So?”

Tubbo glanced at him, just a quick look before his eyes flicked back to the road. “Boss man, we can’t terrorize a soap factory with glitter. Think of-”

“I think that you simply lack any fun in that goat brain of yours.” Tommy cut him off and pouted, his ears flattening to his head as his tail puffed up defensively.

Tubbo sighed, “Tommy, you didn’t let me finish my sentence.” He sighed again. It took approximately five seconds for Tommy to give in, his ears swiveling up towards Tubbo to show he was listening. Tubbo continued, “I was going to ask you to think of how tiny we are right now. I don’t think we even have the strength to lift an entire bucket of glitter, even with three of us trying at it. But. Once this potion stuff is taken care of, we can absolutely terrorize an entire country with glittery red soap.”

Oh. Tubbo actually said yes. Hm. Maybe Tommy shouldn’t jump to conclusions…

NAH, who was he kidding! Jumping to conclusions is his thing! It’s Tommy patented! As of this exact moment.

Tommy was satisfied with that answer, and continued to follow Tubbo’s instructions as they drove wherever they were going.

It didn’t take too long, thank the ever loving primes. Tommy was starting to get quite bored only having the floor to look at. Being situated at the pedals of a car sucked ass, he does not recommend it.

“HARD BRAKE!” Tubbo screamed.

Tommy let go of the gas and shoved the brake pedal to the floor, bumping his head on the console as the momentum shoved him forward. Tubbo lost his footing and toppled partly onto Tommy’s back. He could hear Ranboo snort at the two of them.

“I warned you Tubbo! I told you that we should all wear seatbelts!” He laughed as he shifted the car into park and unbuckled himself. He clambered over the center console and into the driver's seat, still giggling as he went and rescued the two of them from certain death. Death for Tommy if he was to remain down here with Tubbo for too long. Tubbo liked to bite; especially when he was younger. 

Tommy once stole Tubbo’s gameboy and received quite the nasty wound on his arm for it. It bled and everything.

Don’t mess with Tubbo man. He’ll fuck you up.

Ranboo hefted Tubbo up into the driver's seat, double checking that he was okay and not dying. But he was leaving the most important character at the bottom of the car!

Tommy grumbled as he picked himself up off the floor, rubbing the sore spot on his head that was sure to bruise by tomorrow. Two hands suddenly appeared under his arms, and before he could protest, he was lifted with a grunt. “Primes Tommy, you’re light as shit.” Tubbo said, “Ranboo I think you’re just weak as hell! I saw you struggling to carry him out of the park! Look at him!” Tommy found himself being lifted like Simba from the fucking lion king movies. Except he was maybe half an inch off the ground at most. Because Tubbo was short. 

Very short. 

“Look at him! He’s like a little baby!”

“Call me a baby again and we’ll see who’s laughing.” Tommy threatened, brushing his tail across Tubbo’s face as hard as he could. It wasn’t as if he could actually slap his best friend with a bushy as fuck tail, but Tommy could sure as hell try. “I’ve lived with you for years Tubso, and I have memorized almost half of your million ways to murder someone.”

Tubbo snorted, “oh calm down, you’re over exaggerating. It’s only 467 ways of memorized murder.” He suddenly dropped Tommy back onto the seat, whirling around and popping open the car door.

Tubbo jumped to the ground, barely turning to gesture for the other two to follow as he skipped on over to the sidewalk.

Tommy shrugged at Ranboo, leaping out of the car and stumbling as his feet hit the hard pavement. Ranboo leapt down after him, still surprisingly graceful even as a fucking child.

Their parking job was shit, they were taking up at least four parking spaces, but there wasn’t anyone around to see their parking anyway, so what did it matter? Besides, for three children, it was quite impressive that they were able to get here in the first place.

They trailed after Tubbo, right up to a huge abandoned warehouse that smelt of dust and age even from their distance.

The walls were starting to crumble, a door was missing, all the windows were shattered by various items thrown at them. It was an absolute shithole.

Which meant that it was perfect for some criminal activity.

Tubbo strolled right inside, absolutely no hesitation within himself as he hummed a small tune under his breath.

He walked right into the center of the warehouse and stood, shoving his hands in his pockets and attempting to whistle for a moment.

Tubbo could not whistle as a five year old, which Tommy found very amusing but was he going to say anything? Absolutely not. Not unless he wanted to be tackled and murdered by an angry goat boy.

Tubbo bleated in frustration as his whistling became nothing more than blown raspberries and a ball of spit on his lips.

“Quackity! Get the fuck out here, you know it’s me, asshole!” Tubbo shouted instead, his ears twitching in annoyance.

Tommy could hear Ranboo hum in surprise at the sudden name drop of a fellow villain, and Tommy himself felt a burst of excitement in his chest.

“Quackity is here?!” Tommy shrieked, his tail twitching at the tip excitedly. “Big Q! Where’re you at bitch?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Quackity’s voice suddenly revealed itself, and the three of them looked up, finding the duck hybrid perched on the metal rafters of the roof, glaring down at the three of them.

“What the fuck happened to you three?! I was ready to knock you all out! I thought you were intruders!” Quackity hissed, his soft yellow wings fluttering as he lowered himself to the ground, landing gently next to the children that were some of the highest class villains.

Well, more like highest class troublemakers. The worst they’ve done is broken a couple hero bones and robbery. But hey! For three teenagers, that was kind of worrying. They’re supposed to be like- drinking illegally or trespassing or some shit like that. Smaller crimes! (Though Quackity was very glad that they weren’t drinking, he might even prefer them being little shithead crime lords than potentially harming themselves like that).

Quackity was always dressed up like he was about to have his photo taken, and today was no different, seeing as he wore his usual white button up shirt with black slacks and black suspenders. He was quite popular in the villain world after all, so it wouldn’t be surprising if he was dressing for a fancier meeting later in the day. 

“I can’t believe you would kidnap us big Q.” Tommy tsked, the sound echoing in the space surrounding them. 

“I did not say that! You little shit!” Quackity screeched, a surprised laugh following.

“I definitely heard you say that you were ready to kidnap us.” Ranboo spoke up, his long enderian tail flicking about in an amused manner.

“Same here!” Tubbo chirped all too happily, “and I also heard that you were going to torture us for information!”

“Primes man, you don’t have to be so cruel,” Tommy spoke up, pretending to be scandalized, “we’re just children!”

The three were struggling not to burst into laughter at the sight of Quackity’s wings becoming all fluffy as his face blushed a deep red. 

Quackity attempted to scream his way out of his current flustered state, only making it harder for the three not to fall to the floor in a fit of giggles. “I hate all three of you! Why did I agree to even come here?!”

“Simple.” Tubbo spoke up in a more serious tone, but a smile still tugged at his lips. “Because I’m paying you.”

With that, Tubbo pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket, tossing it up and watching as Quackity struggled to catch it against his chest. 

“Do you have what I asked for?” Tubbo asked.

Quackity paused, giving Tubbo a suspicious look as he flipped through the money, counting it under his breath.

“C’mon man, it’s all there.” Tubbo insisted, “have I ever tricked you out of promised cash?”

Quackity gave Tubbo the most exhausted look he could, an eyebrow raising even as he counted through the bills. “Yes. Once you only layered the first and last bill as hundreds, and the rest were ones.” Quackity deadpanned, “you managed to turn a fifty thousand dollar payment into just about two hundred dollar bills and almost three hundred in fucking ones.”

Tubbo grinned, “don’t lie, you were very proud of me for that. You told me yourself that it was very crafty.” The boy chuckled softly, “Besides, I ended up paying you the rest within a week anyway.”

“I know, that’s why you’re still one of my clients.” Quackity said, an approving hum leaving him as he finished counting and tucked the wad of cash into his pocket. “Suddenly, you asking me to make sure to put all the goods in three kids' bags makes much more sense.”

Quackity pulled a dark duffle bag off his back with a roll of his eyes, kneeling down to pop it onto the floor.

Tubbo lit up at the sight, his greedy lil goat fingers itching to reach forward and dig through the contents, but he was stopped as Quackity kneeled down to eye level in front of them.

“No goods until you tell me why the fuck you three are literal three year olds, Tubbo.” Quackity said, sending them an expectant look.

Tubbo huffed, glaring at the older who didn’t even flinch at the death glare he received.

“Long story short.” Tubbo bit out, “I made a potion and it went wrong. I’m working on a reverse one now, but I’m hoping that this one will fade out before I’m finished with it.”

Quackity nodded, though his face pinched in concern. “Tubbo. How many times have I told you not to mess with potions?”

Tubbo crossed his arms, a little pout forming on his face as he sent Quackity the cutest glare in all existence. “I’ll do as I please! It was supposed to be a strength potion but I added too much nether wart. I know what I’m doing by now.”

Quackity took a deep, deep breath. Pressing his hands to his nose in a prayer motion as he slowly asked, “and tell me, who in their right fucking mind gave you nether wart? The most illegal ingredient you could possibly get your hands on.”

Tubbo clamped his mouth shut, lips pressing together in a thin line as he avoided Quackity’s eyes.

“Tubbo. Tell me who gave you the nether wart.” Quackity said, his voice low.

“Sorry boss man, that’s buyer-seller confidentiality.” Tubbo replied quickly, his ears pressed flat to the side of his head.

“Tubbo. You’re in the body of a three year old that can’t control their hybrid traits just yet.” Quackity pointed out, one of his fingers flicking lightly at Tubbo’s flattened ear. “Do you really think you can lie to me right now?”

“I’m not lying!” Tubbo shouted, clamping his hands around his ears so that they couldn’t give him away anymore. “It’s buyer-seller confidentiality!”

“And I get that, but that also means that there is someone out there other than me who sells these types of things. We can’t have that Tubs.” Quackity settled his hand on Tubbo’s shoulder in a comforting way, his voice quieting to a gentler tone. “Too many sellers means products getting into more dangerous hands. I can’t lose my little criminal empire just because of a few loose screws now can I?”

Tommy and Ranboo just stood silently, awkwardly watching the scene unfold with no idea how to help. They knew exactly where the nether warts came from, seeing as they personally had to be there to retrieve the items.

“Tubbo. Please . Tell me who sold this to you.” Quackity practically pleaded, his gaze fading into one of concern. “I need to have control over distribution of this shit or it’s going to get into hands that don’t know how to properly use it. And no offense to you Tubbo, but you shouldn’t have had access to nether wart in the first place.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Tubbo asked, wrenching away from Quackity’s gentle hold and taking a step back, his hands still clamped around his ears.

Quackity raised a brow, still looking concerned as his arms fell to his sides. “It means that your attempt at a potion reversed your fucking age Tubbo. And I’m sure you know that the effects can be permanent if you didn’t add the exact right amount of redstone. Too little or too much can ruin the time it can last.” Quackity’s eyes seemed to widen as he realized, “wait a prime fucking second, did you get your hands on redstone as well?!”

Tubbo turned to Tommy and Ranboo for help, mouthing something that neither of them could quite understand as Quackity paced off and screamed into his palms.

Sadly, he looped the duffle bag around his shoulder before doing so, or the three would’ve surely made an attempt to scurry off with their goods and be done with the conversation.

“Tubbo, just fucking tell him who we got our shit from!” Tommy hissed out, tail puffed up with a certain anxiety that only came when he felt like someone was mad at him. “They were a fucking lowlife idiot anyway, they tried to oversell us triple what that shit was worth and even then it was barely worth loosing more than half our last bank heist for it.”

Quackity rounded back to them, his breathing much more controlled than it was just a second ago. “I am… very sorry for being frustrated with you and for shouting.” He said, carefully kneeling back down in front of the three, dropping the duffle bag back to his side. “My hybrid side is going absolutely nuts right now.”

“Why?” Ranboo spoke up, his head tilting to the side curiously.

Quackity let out a quiet laugh under his breath, a fond look in his eyes as he gestured towards the three of them. “Well- we’re friends and I like to help you guys out when I can. You could say I sort of have a sort of… attachment to you three.” His wings bristled lightly, a tell that the three recognized as embarrassment. Quackity avoided eye contact with them, keeping his gaze glued to the floor as his cheeks flushed a dark red. “Before you became even smaller children, you were little fledglings in my eyes. And I’ve had to fight my own instincts to protect you guys, because I know you’re more than capable of handling yourselves. Also because I know Tubbo would most likely kill me for trying to protect you three.”

Little did the three know, Quackity has been protecting them for as long as they’ve known him. Just small things, keeping heroes out of areas they were doing crime in by letting them chase him instead, he’s even kept a couple small-time burglars and regular villains away from the three. People that wanted to take what the three kids earned and worked for. People wanting to break the villain code and find their identities for a high sum of money.

For those people… let’s just say they couldn’t do anything anymore.

It was no secret to anyone in the villain community (aside from the trio of course) that they were claimed as Quackity’s kids. He would protect them on the streets and anywhere else he could possibly reach, and they’ve been none the wiser.

There was a reason no one ever bothered them. There was a reason they were considered top tier villains and high priority threats, even though they’ve never actually killed anyone.

The reason they’re so dangerous is because Quackity is dangerous. And anyone who’s anyone knows that he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. Especially if someone messes with his kids.

Tubbo beamed at that, chirping out, “you know me so well Quackity!”

Quackity chuckled fondly, even though Tubbo kind of just threatened him, but then again, Tubbo threatened almost everyone.

“The problem now is that you three are smaller, more clumsy, and more prone than ever to being caught.” Quackity spoke up once more, glaring at the floor, “so my bird instincts are going absolutely insane right now, trying to declare you three as nestlings instead of fledgelings.”

“What’s the difference between those two?” Tommy asked, though he definitely was curious, he absolutely despised that Quackity was basically calling them incapable. They weren’t that young.

“A fledgling is a baby- well- more of a teenage bird that just learned to fly. It can leave the nest, but more often than not it still needs to be taught about the world by its parent. A nestling…” Quackity was back to avoiding eye contact, a hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head as he searched for the right words. ”A nestling is a baby bird that’s normally still stuck in the nest. It’s too vulnerable to leave, and still relies on its parents for food and water. It uh- it’s a baby. It needs a lot of help basically.”

“We’re teenagers, Quackity. We can take care of ourselves.” Tubbo said, crossing his arms determinedly. 

“I know that! Try convincing my damn bird brain the same thing!” Quackity cried, burying his head in his hands. “It doesn’t help that you all look like three year old kids and I already consider you guys as family in a small way!”

Tommy cooed, “you consider us as family? Quackity! I didn’t know you were such a softie!”

Quackity glared at the blond, though it held little to no heat.

“I’ll lead them to you.” Tubbo suddenly said, his hands finally not covering his ears as he stared directly at Quackity.

Quackity startled, his face morphing into one of confusion as he processed what Tubbo said.

“Who?”

Tubbo huffed, waving his arms in frustration as a little bleat left his mouth without his knowledge as he bit out, “the guy! The guy who gave me my shit! There’s two of them. I’ll have them both agree to meet me somewhere and I’ll send you the details of where they are.”

Quackity’s face softened, “really? That’s surprisingly kind of you.” His eyes narrowed in suspicion, “a little too kind… What's your price?”

Tubbo grinned, “you show me how to make your most powerful molotov cocktails.”

Quackity hummed in thought.

“And can you take me flying again?” Tommy asked, his hand in the air in an excited manner, “I want to drop from the sky and land on someone's face to rob them!”

Quackity’s eyes widened, “I’m not a fucking plane service!”

“You are a place service!” Tommy whined, “ my plane service!”

“No, Tommy!” Quackity said, pointing a finger at the blond, “last time I flew you across town I almost got into an airflight with Philza!”

“And it was epic! You should be thanking me for that one.” Tommy said, a goofy little smile pulling at his chubby cheeks.

Quackity stood up, placing his hands on his hips as he thought.

“How about this?” He started, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. “You three lead me to the shitheads who’re trying to sell shit they shouldn’t have, and in return I get Tubbo the new laptop he’s been eyeing, Tommy gets that fancy OLED switch that I just know he’s been begging for, and for Ranboo…” Quackity thought for a moment before snapping his fingers and brightening, “I’ll get you all the supplies for a cat, because I know that you’ve been wanting one for ages now.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened in that weird cat-like way where his pupils would expand and make him look high and shit. “The cat too?”

Quackity chuckled, a softer look in his eye as he tilted his head at the younger, “of course dude. I wouldn’t just get you cat supplies and no cat to go with it.” He smiled, “before you ask, yes, you get to choose the cat as well. Whatever breed you want, price doesn’t matter.”

Ranboo cheered silently, practically buzzing with a silent energy as he bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement.

Quackity looked back to Tubbo, a knowing look in his eye as he held out his hand for a handshake. “Do we have a deal?”

Tubbo crossed his arms, glaring at Quackity as he spoke, “so you won’t teach me how to make a homemade bomb but you will give me a laptop that I can use to hack into databases?”

Quackity shrugged, “you’re a villain Tubs. What you hack is none of my business. However, molotovs are fucking dangerous. I don’t mess with that shit anymore.”

Tubbo raised his eyebrows at the man, “I literally asked you for a flamethrower today. Which I assume is in the bag.”

“A flamethrower doesn’t involve glass shards being flung everywhere.” Quackity pointed out, shrugging once more. “And yes, it is in the bag.”

Tommy however, had finally heard of one of the many dangerous items they would be equipped with, and was practically bursting at the seams. “We’re getting a flame thrower?! ” He asked, hands flapping happily.

Quackity smiled, “do we have a deal or not Tubbo? I can bring you guys your stuff by the end of the day.” He glanced at Ranboo, “we’ll go wherever you want for your cat soon, okay Ranboo?”

Ranboo nodded excitedly, his tail whipping back and forth. 

Tubbo glanced over his shoulder, smothering away his fond smile as he saw the excited state of his friends.

Tommy now had too much pent up energy, hopping in place as he shook Ranboo’s shoulders with excitement. Ranboo didn’t mind, simply joining in by reaching over and doing the same to Tommy. Which ended up with the two of them face to face, holding one another by the shoulders and shaking eachother as hard as they could, laughter eventually bubbling out of them as their enthusiasm grew.

“Okay, okay!” Tubbo finally laughed out, facing Quackity once more, “we have a deal.”

They shook hands, and Quackity immediately slid over the bag of requested goodies. “Everything is in there. Three kids bags, each equipped with a gallon of gasoline, lighters, and matches for good measure. And of course, your flamethrower is in the duffel, sadly, it won’t quite fit in any of your backpacks.”

Tubbo unzipped the duffle to check, smiling at the sight of three childish backpacks next to a fucking flamethrower.

The backpacks were obvious on which one belonged to who, one was raccoon themed with red accents on the zippers and excess material, one was bright yellow and made to look like a cartoon bee, and the last was a purple backpack designed after the popular pusheen cat.

“Where’s the car?” Tubbo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’ll be at your place this evening.” Quackity replied simply, shrugging a bit, “none of the stores had the exact one you were looking for, and they also take a bit to build. I have Slime working on it though.”

Tubbo nodded, “good.”

Neither of them paid any mind to Tommy practically screeching in disbelief on how they were going to have a car as well.

Tubbo took out each of the backpacks, handing them over to who they belonged to before slipping on his own. He grabbed the flame thrower, one made to look like a fucking gun. It was obviously from Quackity’s various companies, colored a nice dark blue and black, small card house designs patterned along the middle. The gas canister however, was the most fun stylistic choice, seeing as it was a metal duck sitting atop the fucking gun. It looked sick as hell.

Tubbo’s hands were much too small to properly hold it, but he could still lift it without too much strain. He propped it on his shoulder to take the brunt of the weight before facing Quackity.

“Pleasure doing business with you bossman.”

Quackity nodded, “to you as well. Tell me how the flamethrower works, it’s one of the first in the line we’re making, but before you ask, we safety checked it already.”

“Will do!” Tubbo turned around, catching Tommy in the act of making grabby hands for the weapon on Tubbo’s shoulder. The goat hybrid easily shoved him away with his single free hand, rolling his eyes as he did so. “You can try out the flamethrower once we get to the building Tommy, I don’t want you to accidentally set fire to a residential area.”

“Bye boys! I’ll have the rest of your stuff at your place by tonight!” Quackity called to them before shifting into a form he liked to call ‘Speedrunner’ and speeding off, fast as light. As always, a weird music followed him as he went, sounding as though it was coming through the shittiest speaker on the planet.

“So,” Ranboo spoke up, folding his hands behind his back as he walked backwards in front of Tubbo, “where are we going exactly? And more importantly, what are we doing?”

Tubbo grinned, “I’m so glad you asked bossman! I want to show the heroes that we may look like children right now, but we’re still high-priority threats!” He was practically skipping by this point, the three of them exiting the building and walking down the block instead of taking their stolen car.

They walked for only three blocks before Tubbo slowed to a stop and chirped out as he pointed, “we’re gonna burn down that building!”

Tommy laughed at the sight of the decrepit building. It was old and abandoned, practically nothing but dust by this point.

All of its windows were shattered, and it was absolutely covered head to toe in graffiti. 

Tubbo hoisted the flamethrower to a more comfortable position on his shoulder. “Alright boys! Let’s head on in there and douse this motherfucker in gasoline!”

Tommy cackled, already running full speed into the building as he awkwardly pulled out his gas canister from his bag. Ranboo followed behind calmly, laughing at Tommy’s antics before pausing by the door and waiting for Tubbo to join him.

“Let’s force the world to remember that we’re still threats. No matter what we look like.” Ranboo said, holding out a patient hand for Tubbo to take when he finally walked forward.

Tubbo smiled, walking forward and taking Ranboo’s hand. He bumped his forehead into Ranboo’s (since he could actually reach it for once) before pulling away and letting go of the enderians hand in order to properly hold his flame thrower. “Let’s give these fuckers a show they won’t forget. We’re tiny, unstoppable forces of nature. And we’re gonna fuck em all up.”

-----

BEAUTIFUL ART MADE BY SOME AMAZINGLY TALENTED ARTISTS!!!

SerenityofDolls on twitter made THIS AMAZING PIECE OF ART OF THE BOYS GOING SHOPPING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3 Shopping Time!

And then our beloved Pebbles_Please_ on instagram made COVER ART?!?!?! HOLY SHIT!??!! Kindergarten Villainy!

If you make ANY art for ANY of my fics, PLEASE TAG ME so that I can see them and link them to the next chapters that are released!!! You absolutely will make me cry /pos

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SOCIALS!!! :D Come vibe with me (also I do art sometimes that's canonical to my au's! So if you're into that-!)

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Come join the discord! It's pretty damn chill, and I'd love for you to come and be a chaotic force of nature along with the rest of the gremlins in there /pos We do some polls relating to fics, you can promote yourself there, and I think it's pretty neat if you wanna come and hang out with us! <3

Chapter Text

“It’s out of control! Where is the fire brigade?!” Philza shouted, gripping the Blade by his shoulders as his stress grew.

“They’re on their way! They told us to contain it to the best of our abilities until they get here!” The piglin yelled back, glaring at the flames that consumed the building.

“How are we supposed to contain it when it’s this fucking massive!?” Philza practically screamed, though Blade knew it wasn’t directed to him. They were both panicking over the fire by this point. “And where are our water heroes?!”

“I don’t know!” Blade responded, but Philza was already launching himself in the air to grab the giant bucket they were using to scoop water from the sea so they could try to douse the flames. At the same time, the bird hero was trying to contain the stray flames in gusts of wind from his mighty wings. Attempting to keep it corralled to the ablaze building whenever it tried to move.

In short, the heroes were fucking scrambling.

Little did they know, Tubbo had delayed the fire brigade by having one of the traffic lights glitch out (no one got seriously hurt thank the primes), which meant that the fire truck was currently struggling to fight its way through bumper to bumper traffic. 

Not to mention all of the heroes with water abilities just so happened to be busy with a few other fires that just so happened to consume some other abandoned buildings all the way across town. (Some villains owed Tubbo a favor).

The three villains who set fire to the building in the first place were standing atop another abandoned building only a couple blocks away. They gazed at their work proudly, nodding to themselves in approval as the flames attempted to leap to other buildings.

“Are you two ready to head home? I wanna watch Quackity try to break into our place without realizing we’re there.” Tubbo asked, already bored of watching the heroes scramble to undo their destruction.

“Only if we get to scare the shit out of him.” Tommy said, a little grin already starting to grow on his cheeks as his tail swished back and forth happily.

Tubbo grinned in response before turning to Ranboo. “Boo? You think you can try and teleport us out of here?”

“I can try. I’m not sure how far we’re going to get though.” Ranboo said, taking each of their hands in his own. “My powers have felt… off, ever since we changed.”

Tubbo nodded, “that’s to be expected. As a kid, I’m betting that an enderman’s teleportation ability doesn’t quite settle in until they’re older. It’s probably something that develops as time goes on. Like your brain!”

Ranboo shrugged, “then let’s just hope that I can still manage getting us somewhere useful.”

With that, the feeling of the world warping settled over them.

Even in their short time of knowing Ranboo, the feeling of teleportation was now almost familiar to them. They’ve been using his powers to get everywhere for months now. And it’s been really useful.

Ranboo’s nice to have around as well. He’s actually really cool once you get past the initial awkward phase that always comes with meeting a new person.

Their teleportation ended up with them first appearing somewhere on one of the middle floors of the building. But Ranboo simply groaned, pouting slightly as he tried to teleport again, this time landing them on the sidewalk just outside of the building.

The three grinned at one another, adjusted the bags on their shoulders, and went on their merry way.

Or…

They would’ve been on their merry way, if it wasn’t for a very familiar woman rounding the corner in front of them.

She paused in her step as she caught sight of them, her long, flowing, black dress swinging to a stop along with her. Kristin absolutely beamed at the three of them, keeping her distance by staying at the corner of the sidewalk, which was only three or so meters away.

Kristin knelt down, tilting her head slightly as she continued to send that kind smile to the three of them. “Hello again! I was hoping we would cross paths once more.”

The trio practically skipped up to her. Kristin had already proved herself to be worthy of their trust, and they all liked her well enough.

“Kristin! What are you doing here?” Tommy asked, his tail flicking happily behind him as he approached the woman.

“I was just on a little walk! And I may have caught wind of a certain villainous trio having caused…” She glanced up at the burning building in the distance, her smile never once faltering, “that.”

Tommy’s ears immediately swiveled to press against his head, his tail tucked between his legs as he took an unsteady step back. “You know who we are?”

Kristin nodded honestly, “yes. But I’m no hero. In fact, I could care less that the heroes want to arrest you three. I don’t think you deserve it.” She pointed towards the flying figure circling above the burning building. “That fucker up there stole my last macaroon.”

There was hardly any real anger in her tone, but she seemed completely genuine about everything she spoke of.

“How can we trust you?” Tubbo asked uncertainly, subtly taking Tommy’s wrist and tugging him back, trying to move him further from the potential threat.

Kristin shrugged, slightly deflating. “You don’t have to trust me if you don’t want to, but I do want to have a chat with you. Get to know you better. I just want to make sure that you three are adjusting to your… situation well. I can’t imagine that you purposefully made yourself children, but maybe I can help with a solution to turn you back. Of course to sweeten the offer, I can take you three out for some ice cream if you’d like?” Kristin offered sweetly, “you can always say no of course. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to talk to me. I’d just genuinely love to talk to you, see how you’re doing. You can always leave at any time as well, I won’t give chase.”

The trio shared looks with one another, having a silent conversation with only raised eyebrows and subtle expressions.

Tommy suddenly turned back to her, determination causing his brows to furrow. “Pinkie promise that you won’t try to take us to the heroes and that you’ll buy us all the ice cream we want!”

Tubbo elbowed him in the side with a glare as he muttered quietly, “childish instincts Tommy. Don’t give in.”

Tommy didn’t falter in holding out his pinkie finger for Kristin to shake, even if a spike of fear lodged its way into his chest. Though wanting infinite ice cream wasn’t really childish, was it? He’s a big man! With a big sweet tooth! And pinkie promises are the strongest ones. If you break it you die.

Kristin however, merely smiled and hooked her pinkie with Tommy’s, her hand easily twice the size of his own. “I swear to all three of you that I will only buy you some ice cream and chat. No trickery, no arresting, nothing of the like. And if you want to torment the great Philza after that, I would even love to help you.”

The three glanced at one another, having a silent conversation with just their eyes before they seemed to agree that this was a great idea and absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong.

With a single nod, Tubbo turned back to Kristin and outstretched his arms up at her. “We’ll go with you. Now, carry me.”

Kristin laughed, “that’s not how we ask for things dear. Where are your manners?”

“I lost them.” Tubbo responded simply, still holding his arms up at her.

Kristin merely raised an eyebrow at him and remained still. Leaving the pair to a standstill as they stared at one another, waiting for the other to back down.

Tubbo relented only a minute later with a roll of his eyes before muttering a soft, “ please .”

Kristin didn’t gloat or grin or anything at her victory, she just smiled at Tubbo, told him, “thank you,” and scooped him up to place him on her shoulders.

And before either Ranboo or Tommy could giggle and scramble away, she scooped Ranboo in one arm, and Tommy in her other before starting in the direction of the nearest ice cream shop. “Now, who wants ice cream?”

The boys cheered, excited to get some ice cream that wasn’t from a grocery store, and to also be carried somewhere. Their short little legs were really starting to get tired.

Behind them, the abandoned building burned, crackling and splintering as the flames broke through brick. The heroes panicked over the state of the building, shouts growing in the air as the cause of the fire was happily led away by Kristin, the wife of the number one hero.

But our dear trio didn’t know that quite yet.

-------

As it turned out, Kristin was the best woman ever.

At least, in Tommy’s ever humble opinion she was.

She bought each of them two whole scoops of ice cream! She even let them all have the fancy waffle cones as well, which made it extra special.

After they secured their frozen treats, Kristin walked them to a nearby park, ensuring that they were all holding hands with one another so that no one would get swept away in the crowd.

Thankfully, they all made it there pretty easily, all of them happily eating their ice cream on the way.

Tommy’s cone was practically halfway gone by the time they found a nice spot in the grass under a shady tree, his fingers sticky with melted sugar, and his face so much more messy now that he lacked most of his hand/eye coordination, meaning that more often than not, he’d somehow hit the corner of his mouth when trying to take a bite of his ice cream.

The park was nice though, filled with families all going about their days, parents with those stressed smiles like they were trying not to panic about their kid trying to stuff their face full of sand, and other kids screaming in joy as they played on the playground equipment.

While they ate, Kristin asked them questions. Nothing too invasive, just sticking along the lines of general and caring ones like, “how are you holding up?” “Is anyone bothering you three for Tommy looking so similar to RaccoonInnit?” “Is your fridge stocked up?”

It was a pleasant experience all around. Kristin got answers to her questions, and the boys got some free ice cream! It’s a win-win all around!

The makeshift family finished their treats pretty quickly, resulting in all three boys being disgustingly messy whereas Kristin remained perfectly clean.

She giggled at the sight of their messy hands and faces, “come here sweethearts, I have wipes in my purse.”

She handed each of them a wet wipe, allowing them to scrub the cloth against their cheeks sloppily before she took out an extra wipe and helped clean up the last few patches that they missed.

The gesture was gentle and kind, and an experience that Tommy never really experienced before.

To be perfectly honest, none of the three villains had ever really had someone to clean up their gross faces, or kiss their wounds, or even tell them they were loved. They only ever really had each other.

There was no kindness to be found in the world as they grew up. Nothing that proved to them that humanity was deserving of anything other than theft and harsh realities.

Villains don’t just become villains over nothing after all, (though they also became villains just for fun). But despite being so wronged, the boys quickly found that they couldn’t be cruel. It just wasn’t in their nature.

Tommy found his eyes stinging with unshed tears as Kristin wiped away sugar stains from his chubby cheeks.

“Tommy?” Kristin asked, her tone filled with a soft, warm, concern. “Are you alright, love?”

That was the point that finally broke him, the final push that sent him over the edge as he suddenly burst into tears. 

It was as though his emotions were simply too big for his little body to handle. 

Tubbo and Ranboo also seemed concerned, though Tommy could tell that they were in a similar state of feeling overwhelmingly loved.

“Oh dear, did I upset you?” Kristin asked in a concerned tone.

Tommy shook his head, scrubbing at his eyes with his much too tiny palms, trying to desperately squash the stupid tide of emotion that overwhelmed his senses. His tail tucked between his legs, an annoyingly obvious show that he’s frightened from his own feelings. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” He choked out.

Kristin smiled, that really gentle smile that only made Tommy want to cry more. “That’s okay. Sometimes we just cry because we need to. There’s no shame in that.”

“You’re too nice to us.” Tubbo said, his own voice starting to crack. “Why? You know who we are. You know what we’ve done in the world of crime. We’re literally the most dangerous villains. Not to people really, mostly to the political and hero world. And the financial world if I’m being honest.”

“Well, it’s quite simple.” Kristin said, busying herself by cleaning up the wet wipes and popping them into an empty plastic bag she just happened to have in her purse. “With most villains, you can always ask yourself, “why did they resort to a life of crime?” Most of the time, the answer is that they were forced to. Life isn’t always kind to everyone, especially in a world of heroes and villains.” She shook her head, a little wave of anger falling over her features, “I’ve always hated how the system treated people with less money. It’s completely fucked.”

“Oooooooo!” Ranboo sing-songed, though he was also still slightly teary-eyed, “Kristin said the F-word!”

Great comment Ranboo, Tommy thought approvingly, we needed something to lift the mood.

Kristin also found this amusing, snorting quietly and rolling her eyes. “Yes Ranboo, most adults like to say the fuck word.”

“Fuck!” Tubbo added, obviously trying to force his watery eyes to go away with humor.

That’s a Tommy-approved coping mechanism!

“Double fuck.” Tommy added, his tail emerging from its tucked state and starting to flick back and forth.

They all looked at Ranboo expectantly.

“You know I don’t curse.” Ranboo said, turning up his nose at the idea. “I can commit robbery and arson, but I draw the line at cursing.”

“Your morals are completely fucked up, big man.” Tommy grinned.

“Y’know, boys…” Kristin started, interrupting whatever light-hearted argument that was about to ensue. “Some might call me a goodie-two shoes, but I’ve always dreamed of causing a little… havoc.”

She smirked, looking at them through the side of her eye. Catching their evil little grins at the prospect of showing Kristin how to have a little fun. To spur them into action, she added, “do you have any fun plans brewing? One that I can maybe help with?”

“Kristin,” Tubbo started in a warning tone, “you do know that we’re villains, right? Literally top class. Are you sure that you want to be mixed up with us?”

Kristin shrugged, then bit her lip as though she was trying to avoid telling them something. But eventually she said, “I don’t think you’re all that bad.”

Tubbo squinted at her, suspicion in his eyes. “What aren’t you telling us? You know something. I can see it.”

“Sniff it out, Tubbo!” Tommy spurred on, a wild grin on his cheeks as he awkwardly patted Tubbo’s back. “Use that weird little goat nose of yours!”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, shoving Tommy’s hand away from him, “a raccoon's sense of smell is literally way better than a goats. If anyone should be sniffing out lies, it should be you.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive, Tubso.”

“Well, you’re really bad at it.” Tubbo stated, sticking out his tongue. “Get better. L, plus ratio, plus you fell off.”

“Okay boys,” Kristin laughed, gaining their attention once more, “let’s not have any arguments right now. We’re having a lovely day out, remember?”

“There there Kristin.” Tommy tried to comfort her, crawling towards her to pat her hand in just the worst way of comforting. Literally when has a dumb little pat ever comforted anyone? Like- c’mon man, at least try hand holding, or hugging. Get good. “We do this all the time. We’re not actually mad at one another. You’re just not used to our poggers' personalities. We’re stars really. Should be more famouser than anyone in the world.”

“More famous, Tommy. Famouser isn’t a word.” Ranboo corrected, earning himself a glare from the younger.

“Anyway…” Tubbo started, exaggerating his tone to stop whatever new argument was about to start up yet again. “Back to the topic at hand, Kristin, what are you not telling us?”

Kristin sighed, shaking her head sadly, “I don’t want to discourage you boys.”

“Discourage us?” Ranboo asked, tilting his head to the side.

She nodded, “there’s something that I don’t know if you actually know. Regarding your villain status.”

“Oh.” Tubbo blinked, “is it the fact that no one really thinks of us as actual villains?”

“And underestimate us since we’re still considered kids because we’re teenagers?” Ranboo added, “not to mention the fact that everyone seems to think we’ll grow out of it?”

“Well… I guess that’s part of it.”

“There’s MORE?!” Tommy screeched, earning himself odd glances from other park goers. But once they saw that it was just a kid being excited about something, they lost interest.

“I’m guessing that you won’t just let me skip the topic and save it for a rainy day, will you?” Kristin tried weakly.

The trio shook their heads, staring at her expectantly.

Ranboo even started unconsciously making puppy eyes, causing her to cave much faster.

“Alright, alright. You win.” Kristin sighed, brushing away some grass that clung to her dress. “I have… connections with the heroes. You might’ve already guessed, seeing as I told you that Philza stole my last fucking macaroon. Before you ask, I’m not here on their behalf. This is all strictly of my own choice, and I’m talking with you because our paths happened to cross. I think you’re genuinely sweet kids and I would love to get to know you better.” She paused to catch her breath, but continued quickly, stopping Tubbo from cutting her off to try shouting at her. “But you should know that the heroes don’t quite consider you villains. You’re dangerous on your own, sure. Not to mention insanely powerful. It’s not just anyone who can fight off my- or well, the top two heroes after all. So while you’re a threat on your own, the main reason you’re considered dangerous is because you have allies protecting you. Allies who are willing to hurt and torture and maim innocent civilians in order to keep you from being arrested or hurt.”

“W h a t.” Tommy said, anger sparking within him. “Who the fuck thinks that we need protecting?! Who’s killing innocents?!”

Kristin sighed, a sudden exhaustion seeming to weigh her down, “I thought this would happen. I’m just glad it’s not a hero telling you. Some of those fucks are cocky as shit, and would use it to try and tear you down.”

“Who’s. Trying. To protect us.” Tubbo repeated, his voice nearing an angry bleat.

“I don’t know specifically who,” Kristin began, “but I do know that it’s an entire group of villains that know you. They’re all very protective over you.”

“I knew this would happen!” Tubbo shouted, angrily stumbling to his feet (or hooves, in this case) and starting to pace. “You tell someone your real age one time and they suddenly feel the need to protect you! We’re perfectly capable on our own!”

“I agree.” Kristin nodded, making Tubbo stop in his tracks with surprise. “I consider you three as villains with high morals. Which is also why you’re so well respected in the villain community as a whole. I mean- aside from the occasional incidents of lost lives, the percentage of civilian deaths by villains has gone down considerably after you three showed up, and I believe it’s due to your complete adamancy of not hurting bystanders. So,” She suddenly smiled, an idea seeming to pop into her head, “this actually might be a really good thing, but even though the heroes want to arrest you, they literally can’t. Not without insane repercussions from all villains.”

“That makes me feel way worse.” Tommy said with a pout.

“Which is fair, but listen, if the heroes are too afraid of actually arresting you…?” Kristin trailed off, encouraging them to finish her sentence.

The trio thought for a minute, their mixed child and teenage brains struggling to fully keep up. Ranboo was struck with the realization first, “we can’t be caught! We can get away with any crime because we’re the main reason that fights have been having far less casualties! If we were to be arrested, the heroes are scared that the villains’ murderous tendencies would start to emerge again!”

“Holy fuck…” Tommy whispered in awe, “we’re literally invincible.”

“Then why do the heroes chase us down all the time?” Tubbo asked, his finger subconsciously rubbing at his chin.

Kristin bit her lip, an obvious way to keep a small chuckle locked away. “You’re going to hate this, but they’ve kinda made it a game? To see who can successfully capture one of you three first? Technically it’s for Tommy to be captured since he’s the one in the field all the time, but they’ve decided that if they can track down either Ender or Bumblebee, then that’s worth double points.”

“I gotta change my public name…” Tubbo said with a groan.

“We’re literally being used as training dummies.” Tommy muttered, his chubby cheeks puffing out in anger. “The next hero that tries to catch me is going to be kidnapped. I swear to prime.”

“I’m cool with that, I’m a big fan of mental torment.” Kristin said with a grin. She clapped her hands together, “now that that’s out of the way, would you boys still be willing to show me the world of villainous fun?”

“Fuck. Yes. ” Tommy immediately agreed, not waiting for Tubbo or Ranboo’s opinions. 

They’d agree with him anyway. Kristin is fun to be around.

Tubbo sighed, running a hand through his hair and brushing back his thick and fluffy bangs. “Okay, okay. Fine. Only because you gave us inside information.” Tubbo paused, tilting his head as he examined Kristin’s outfit. “First, we’re gonna need to get you a disguise.”

Kristin beamed, brushing grass off her dress as she stood. “Then let’s go!”

--------

Finding an outfit for Kristin was surprisingly easy.

In a world of supers and odd abilities, there’s tons of places that offer special armor fabrics and all sorts of odds and ends. Weapons, tools, even enchantments if you were willing to spend a large sum of money and knew where to go.

Obviously, these shops weren’t open to the general public. They required passwords and secret entrances, ones that only some knew.

They decided to bring Kristin to their favorite shop, the one that had the most options and offered only the best materials.

Granted, the store had the stupidest name, which almost made it embarrassing to talk about. “Jack’s Trade.”

It was supposed to be correlated to the whole “jack of all trades” saying, and in the humble opinion of the Tommy Innit, it was the stupidest fucking name of all time. The place should’ve just kept the entire phrase instead of shortening it to two words.

They led Kristin to its entrance, hidden in the very middle of a Walmart clothing section and in the middle of a circular clothing rack (yes, almost everyone agreed that it was a terrible place to keep an underground shop). Of course it wasn’t that simple, they wouldn’t want people to accidentally discover it after all.

You had to do a series of knocks on a very specific shelf in the baby clothes section (it used to be the women's section, but they recently reorganized the store. This was the only plus about the hidden shop because it was very funny to the trio that they had to go through all the silly little outfits. And it just proved that the owner of the store, Jack, was indeed a baby man. Bald like one too).

After doing the knock, you were supposed to find a specific clothing rack, press a little hidden button inside of it, and whisper the word “whopper”. This would activate the trapdoor, causing you to fall onto the surface of a slide that would bring you through a large tunnel and land you on a mattress in the shop (Jack got too many complaints about how fast the slide would shoot people out, leaving them to get carpet burns if they caught too much speed (Tommy was the main complainer)).

They gave Kristin the rundown on how Jack was a villain, and that he was really known as Animatronic. He’s almost like a cyborg, but he was really good at hiding the fact. He wore 3D glasses all the time because his vision was fucked up at one point when his eyes were replaced. Something about how the electronics were created threw off his sight, and for some reason only the glasses actually helped.

Part of Jack was created, and the other part of him was born. Jack’s got a fucked up past, that’s for sure. Grew up in a facility and got experimented on to see how far some science bastards could go with replacing a human body with robotic parts. They took one of his arms and both of his legs (though they reattached one of his feet???), his eyes, part of his brain, one of his ears where the weird metal and synthetic skin extended to the back of his head, and they even cut off and replaced one of his cheeks.

According to Jack, they had taken and replaced some of his vital organs as well, one of them being his heart. He had a terrible raised and almost mutilated scar that stretched from his chest to his naval. Apparently they didn’t bother with any scar care, they just continued to cut down the same line again and again, damaging it further as they went along.

Jack obviously escaped from there. He had stolen tools whenever he was about to be operated on, and managed to smuggle them back to his cell because they were stupid and didn’t think that the person they were fucking up would ever resist against them. Jack took out one of his robotic eyes and adjusted it to create lasers (the scientists had spoken of the possibility. They just kept it deactivated for safety), which he used to escape and murder every person in the building before burning it down completely. He was considered a villain for that, so he became what the rest of the world told him he was. What the world didn’t know at first, was that he wasn’t really human anymore. He just looked the part, so it was what they believed.

It was pretty straightforward from there (y’know, just like any other day after completely exposing one of your best friend’s tragic backstories!). Introduce Kristin, calm Jack down when he freaked out over three random kids and a woman stumbling into his shop, explain why they were so young, then force Manifold to help them find a good looking outfit with plenty of armor.

Jack hummed, circling around Kristin and taking her measurements. He muttered something to himself, writing something down on the little notebook he had. He raised his voice to ask, “do you have any abilities that your suit needs to be adjusted to? Any special requests on tool belts, colors, accessories? Or a style that you’re looking to achieve?”

“Oooo!” Kristin said excitedly, “I get to choose? Primes, I’ve never even thought about it before!”

Jack went to open his mouth to give some suggestions, but he was quickly cut off as Kristin explained exactly what she wanted.

“Okay, obviously we have to start with the bodysuit. Basic armor, full coverage, and it should be black. I’d like it to be that specific armored fabric that has the tiny reflective honeycomb shapes if you have it. Then there should be a skirt that stops about half down my thigh in the front, and is super long in the back, maybe stopping about mid-calf. I want it to be dark purple with a silver trim. It’ll have to be pleated, so the skirt will still give me full flexibility and make it so that my suit isn’t just a boring one piece.” Kristin listed off by her fingers. Jack scrambled to write it all down with how fast she was talking, but he seemed to be keeping up at least a little bit. “Then of course I’d like to make this all unique, so if you happen to have the imperceptible armored fabric, I’d like some of that to protect my shoulders because I’d like for the body suit to have peekaboo shoulders that go from my mid shoulder and down to my elbow. But I don’t want to sacrifice any of the full protection that armor will offer. From there I’d like some flowing sleeves that go over the bodysuit, the same purple as my skirt of course, and they should be made of sheer fabric instead. My hands are the only part that need to be free of any material, so the bodysuit should stop at my wrist. Black knee-high heels with steel toes and heels would be preferred, as they tend to have amazing durability and add extra damage to kicks. Oh! There should also be an opening in the back of my body suit that fully exposes my shoulder blades and it can go down to my mid back just for the aesthetic. It’s also for one of my abilities, but the aesthetic is definitely a plus. Finally, I’d like a mask that resembles a crow. Feather details and a beak, but feel free to make the beak smaller if you think it’ll work better with the rest of my requests.” Kristin finished, flashing Jack a wide smile as he continued to scribble things down.

He took a minute to do so, mouth agape as he tried to find the right words to start with. “Holy shit, I don’t think I’ve ever had someone come in here and tell me exactly what they want. Usually, it’s a process of us going back and forth with ideas until they settle on something that they like. I thought you said you never thought about it before?”

Kristin scratched at her chin, a sheepish smile on her cheeks, “I guess I’ve thought about it a little. ”

Ranboo cleared his throat, gaining their attention, “I don’t suppose you’ve thought of a name as well, have you?”

“I have.” Kristin said, she performed a small bow. “On the field, you will refer to me as Lady Omen, or simply Omen for short.”

“That’s fucking badass!” Tommy exclaimed, bouncing on his toes as he did.

“Alright then, Omen.” Jack smiled, “I’ll be right back then, let me hand this to my assistant, and we’ll get that ready right away.”

With that, he vanished behind a curtain, a quiet conversation between an unseen second person starting up on the other side.

“I can’t believe that you were so ready for that.” Tommy laughed, “the look on Jack’s face when you started describing exactly what you wanted was priceless!”

Within minutes, Jack came back in, a folded pile of clothing in one hand, and the exact boots and mask that Kristin explained in his other. He handed them to her with a grin, and pointed out the dressing room to the side. “Alright. Let’s see if these fit!”

“That was impossibly fast.” Kristin said in shock, pinching some of the material between her fingers to gently rub it and feel the texture. “How in the world did you do that? You must have one powerful assistant.”

“Yeah,” Jack said easily, looking back towards the curtain fondly, “they’re pretty damn cool. They can basically stop time, but their power has extremely specific restrictions so it can’t be misused. Which is pretty unfortunate for me since I’m a fellow villain and all.”

Kristin chuckled at that, then went to change.

Jack chatted to the trio while she got dressed, clarifying details of their age potion mishap.

The curtain slid to the side with a skid of metal on metal, drawing their attention. The suit was exactly as Kristin described, and it looked sick as hell.

She had braided her hair while in the dressing room, letting the long braid that reached past her waist to drape over her shoulder. She smiled at them before giving them a twirl.

“This is absolutely marvelous! Tell your assistant that their work is probably the best I’ve ever seen! And I’ve actually gotten to see and feel the heroes' costume materials. None of them are even close to such stellar craftsmanship!”

“I’ll let them know! They’ll be floored by such a compliment.”

“You really should praise them more.” Kritin said, walking back towards them. Her footsteps were scarily quiet when they shouldn’t have been, not with the steel toe and heel. Kristin seemed to notice this, looking to her feet in pleasant surprise and trying to tap them against the tile, which only resulted in a muted clack. “Silent footsteps? I love it! The heroes have a similar thing, but I haven’t been able to look at them too closely. I’m guessing that there’s a mix of materials that make it possible?”

Jack nods proudly, “my assistant has been working on making sound-proof shoes for ages now. They’ve just recently perfected it, and now we’re working on calling back villains who bought suits here in the past so we can convince them to buy themselves an upgrade.” Jack sighed, though it wasn’t of annoyance, it was more fond than anything else, “unfortunately, they’re taking the secret to the grave. They won’t even tell me how they’re made, and I’m their boss!”

“Could I ask who they are? Or is that another secret of theirs?”

Tommy spoke up before Jack could, “not even we know their identity, and we’re the people that know each of the heroes true identities.”

The room fell completely silent, Jack and Kristin’s mouths falling open in silent shock.

“Oh… uhm. I wasn’t supposed to say that.” Tommy pressed his lips together, his eyes widening in growing fear when Tubbo’s hand landed on his shoulder. He squeaked, “just kidding?”

“Tommy.” Tubbo practically growled, his fingers gripping tightly. “That was supposed to be a secret. Do you know how many people would kill for that kind of information?!”

Tommy wildly gestured at Jack and Kristin before folding his arms, a sheepish smile that practically begged for forgiveness plastered on his cheeks. “They’re trustworthy people! Right, guys? I’m totally trusting my tiny little child life on them!”

“Kristin is fine I guess,” Tubbo said, starting to shake with either fear or anger, Tommy couldn’t tell. “But JACK?! This man is basically an information broker!”

Jack lifted a finger, pointing at Tubbo with a half hearted frown, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Tubbo pointed his finger back, this one more accusatory, “bull-fucking-shit! You’ve literally offered to pay me multiple times to dig up information on heroes and villains alike! Then I turn around and find that you only came to me so you could sell that info to a bunch of others!”

“It’s just what I do, Tubbo!” Jack argued, “you can’t really blame me for trying to make a little extra cash on the side! This business for suits isn’t as lucrative as you’d expect! Repairs are cheaper, and all of the weapon supplies can be found at any other store! I set this place up for my assistant so they could have a safe place to work!”

Tubbo frowned, his tone lowering, “wait, Jack. That’s actually super sweet.”

“Thank you, I owe them a lot since they were there for me when I first got out of the facility, and they deserve to have a shop but can’t afford it on their own. So we made a deal.”

“But that still doesn’t excuse you for selling information I sold you!” Tubbo suddenly raised his voice again, shattering whatever kind words were just shared between them. “May I remind you that you sell my info for a much higher price than I initially charge!”

“Is it my fault that people pay me more? Half of what I earn from selling information is literally tips to encourage me to gather more information! I sell it for a little more than you and then I tell them that if they want better info that they should go to you! That’s free advertisement right there!”

“And I continue to turn them away!” Tubbo insisted, “I don’t sell information to just anyone! They have to earn my trust!”

“Why are we arguing! You’d still sell me info if I asked right now!” Jack pointed out.

At this, Tubbo paused, his face suddenly dropping any anger and switching to something more contemplative than before. “Are you looking for info?”

Jack rolled his eyes, crossing his arms with a small shake of his head. “Only if you’re done shouting at me.”

Tubbo shrugged, “I just wanted to shout at you. It’s fun.”

“What the fuck, man.”

“What do you want to know?” Tubbo asked innocently, as though their shouting match never happened in the first place.

To Tommy and Ranboo, this was a normal day. It was always fun for them to shout at Jack, he’s just a silly guy.

For Kristin, she’s never really seen two teenagers (one of them looking like a child) have a shouting match for so long and suddenly reach a peaceful ending of an argument. That kind of thing usually resulted in two angry kids, or one angry kid and one crying kid. Sometimes, two crying kids depending on the argument.

Jack and Tubbo negotiated for a while, slowly walking to the back of the room to keep their shady little deal slightly private and away from listening ears.

But before they could get too far, Kristin called, “Tubbo?”

Tubbo turned, his goat ears flicking as he gave her his complete attention.

“Could I talk to you for just a second?”

Tubbo looked to Jack, then back at Kristin. Giving her a weary nod before he stepped towards her.

She leaned down to whisper in his ear.

Something that she said made Tubbo raise his eyebrows in surprise, then just as quickly the expression vanished into something completely confused. He pulled away to look at her, his brow now raised in silent question.

Kristin gestured for him to let her whisper in his ear once more, and he complied, listening closely to what she had to say.

Once she pulled away, she quietly asked, “can you promise me that?” Then held up her pinky finger in silent question.

Hesitantly, Tubbo nodded, intertwining his finger with hers before stepping back towards Jack, still looking lost and confused before he shook his head and got back to business.

Kristin came back to Tommy and Ranboo, and that same gentle smile that the two absolutely adored was already back on her cheeks as he looked at them. She ruffled their hair affectionately when she got close enough, answering their questions before they could even ask, “I know you’re curious, but I promise that either Tubbo will relay what I’ve told him, or I will say it myself later when we’re somewhere more private. It’s top secret information after all.”

Ranboo and Tommy shrugged, content to wait a little longer to know whatever secret was being kept from them. But only because it was sworn that they would be allowed to know later. With that, they kept Kristin company, helping her choose some fun accessories and weapons as they waited.

“Any ideas on what we could do?” Kristin asked the boys while examining a pair of night vision goggles.

“I think we should start easy.” Tommy said, his tail sweeping back and forth as he talked, “vandalism and property damage is pretty fun, and maybe we can tag the hero building if we want to be extra crazy. But that might be a little too crazy for your first villainous deed.”

“That could be fun! In fact, I might have another little secret up my sleeve that could make that an easier job to do.” Kristin said vaguely, “though I need you three to trust me first.”

Tommy immediately gestured for her to crouch so he could reach her face. Once she complied, he placed his little hands on her cheeks and said in the most serious tone he could muster, “I would trust you with my life. Please tell me your secrets.”

Kristin laughed, ruffling his hair gently before standing back up, “I need all three of you to trust me, Tommy. Though that’s very sweet of you.”

“Damn it.” Tommy cursed, trying to snap his fingers for effect but failing miserably.

“Oh! Going back to the topic of crime,” Ranboo said excitedly, “what if we went and messed with Quackity? His casino is always fun to sneak around in and cause chaos!”

“We were banned from there, how would we get in?” Tommy pointed out.

“The back door, duh.” Ranboo rolled his eyes. “Tubbo stole his keys and made copies of them one time, remember? We had to keep Quackity distracted for an entire hour while Tubbo went to the nearest Walmart and copied them.”

“Right! I remember that!” Tommy cheered, “that was the day Quackity showed us how the gambling machines worked! Tubbo was upset that he missed that.”

“Ooo!” Kristin clapped her hands with excitement, “that sounds like loads of fun! I’d love to see if maybe we could disable the power in the building, or maybe hack a machine to scream at people if they ever get a win, or we could change the slot wheels and customize them with our own things.”

“Kristin.” Tommy said, looking at her with full blown awe, “I love you. You are officially my favorite person.”

“Over Philza?” Ranboo asked, genuinely surprised.

“Over Philza.” Tommy confirmed without hesitation.

Kristin smiled, “I think you three are quite possibly some of my favorite people as well. You’re such sweet kids, at least to me. I can’t quite fathom why the heroes don’t see you as an actual threat. You can win over anyone's heart with ease then turn around and proceed to wreak havoc on the city.”

“We’re pretty fucking cool like that.” Tommy admitted, nodding proudly.

“It was a pleasure doing business with you, Jack.” Tubbo suddenly said loud enough for the three to hear, gaining their attention. They watched as he trotted back to them, his hooves tapping on the tiled parts of the store. “So, have you guys thought of anything while I’ve been gone?”

“You bet your ass we have, Tubso.” Tommy smirked, “we’re going to have a lot of fun.”

Tubbo smiled, “perfect. I’ve given Jack some very valuable information, so your entire get up should be about half-off.”

“Aw, thank you Tubbo, but you should keep that discount for yourself on a future date, or get some gear now if you wish” Kristin grinned, “I assure you, money isn’t a concern for me, and I’d like to pay in full so that Jack’s assistant can get a higher paycheck. I think they deserve it.”

“Oi!” Jack complained, “I pay them more than I pay myself!”

“I’m not saying you don’t pay them enough, “Kristin explained patiently, “I just want to give them a little more. I don’t think you guys get full outfit orders like this all too often, and the extra cash will surely help you both out with your endeavors.”

“Alright, I won’t fight against that.” Jack agreed, pouting his lips and raising his eyebrows in that odd facial expression of approval. He walked towards the front counter, mumbling under his breath as he entered information into his little tablet. He cringed as he saw the total, “for your suit, you owe $2,500 (£2,057.90), and adding all the weapons and gear… it’s looking like your total will come out to be $3,269.69 (£2,691.48).”

“Nice.” The trio whispered under their breaths.

“Do you have an ATM?” Kristin asked, “I don’t want my card to reveal where you guys are.”

Jack nodded towards a corner of the shop, a Walmart branded ATM sitting in a little nook in the wall. “It’ll show up on your bank statement as a Walmart ATM transaction.”

“Perfect. I think I have some spare cash on me too, so the ATM limit shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

“We could always set up some sort of payment plan? Though out of courtesy and respect for you I will tell you that there are interest charges.”

“No worries, I appreciate the offer, but I can cover this.”

With that, Kristin made her way over to the machine, wallet in hand. 

“Take off the little card scanner attachment!” Tommy said, “Jack has a habit of stealing card information!”

“Thank you for the warning!” Kristin replied over her shoulder, following Tommy’s instructions and pulling off the cleverly hidden scanner.

“You’ll pay for that, Tommy.” Jack warned.

“If you stole Kristin’s card information,” Tommy said with a deceiving smile, his head tilting in a threatening manner, “you would suffer our wrath for a millennia to come.”

Jack tried to laugh, though it came out strained, “you can’t just drag Tubbo and Ranboo into your decisions.”

“Meh.” Ranboo shrugged, “he does it all the time. Besides, I absolutely agree with him. Kristin is officially my favorite adult. Well, so is Quackity. So I guess she’s one of my favorite adults. So yes, we would find a way to make you and ourselves live another thousand years so we could torture you for the rest of your existence!” With Ranboo’s cheery tone, it honestly made everything he said ten times more creepy. “Tubbo? Do you agree as well?”

“You bet your ass I do.” Tubbo said, no hesitation.

Jack gulped, awkwardly shuffling just a little more into the corner of his counter and the wall. “Fair enough. I will keep that in mind for the future.”

Kristin came back towards them, cash in hand, and passed it over to Jack. “There’s three thousand in there, let me just…” She pulled out her wallet, opening it to reveal an absurd amount of money for how thin the wallet seemed to be.

“What the fuck?” Tommy asked, trying to climb up Ranboo to get a better look at the impossible wallet.

Ranboo, being a child with not the best core strength or balance, immediately started to wobble, dangerously teetering as he desperately tried to keep his balance with a wiggling Tommy clambering up him like a tree.

Kristin only chuckled, and scooped Tommy up, carrying his weight in one arm as she pulled out another wad of cash. But the wallet still appeared fucking full. It was like the money just refilled. “Here you are Jack, an extra $1,500. Enough to completely pay off the suit and a nice little tip as well.”

Jack’s mouth was open in shock as he took the cash, fanning through it to count each bill.

While he did that, Kristin looked at Tommy, “Tommy. You can’t just climb people without telling them first. You almost knocked Ranboo over.”

“He would’ve been fiiiine.” Tommy lied, his little hands already reaching for Kristin’s wallet. He just wanted to look at it! He needed to see!

“Ranboo? Can you honestly tell me that you would’ve been “fine” from Tommy climbing up you like a tree?”

“Uhm…” Ranboo hummed awkwardly, “he does it all the time, usually I’m able to support his weight.”

“But are you okay with it?”

Ranboo reluctantly shook his head, “not while I’m this… small. I feel weird and unbalanced all the time.”

Kristin nodded, “your motor skills have been reversed significantly. Which is why I feel the need to tell you, Tommy, that you shouldn’t climb Ranboo or Tubbo right now. I know that you three are perfectly capable of handling yourselves, and if this comes off as too parental then I’ll back off. It’s hard not to let my instincts kick in, but I’ll try.” Kristin promised, still holding Tommy in her arms. His tail was flicking back and forth, his ears swiveled towards her and indicating that she had his full attention.

“No, you’re right. It’s okay.” Tommy mumbled, “sorry boob boy. I’ll try not to climb on you anymore. You’re not tall right now anyway, so it’s pretty useless.”

Ranboo rolled his eyes with a small chuckle, “thanks, Tommy. Thank you, Kristin.”

“Can I see your wallet now?” Tommy asked.

Kristin gave him an even look, still holding her wallet out of Tommy’s reach, “only if you promise to not steal anything from it. We’ll do plenty of that later.”

“I promise.” Tommy said offhandedly, still reaching his hands for it.

With a sigh, Kristin handed it over, and watched as Tommy turned it over in his hands, opening and shutting it again and marveling at how the cash seemingly disappeared when he closed it. “How is this possible?”

“I know a shit ton of heroes,” Kristin said easily, “they have some pretty handy gadgets on them, and this is basically a wallet with a mini… pocket dimension I guess? But it can only hold cash and change. Think about how much you want when you reach in and it’ll pop out.”

Tommy was in absolute awe, immediately reaching his chubby little hand into the wallet and pulling out a single quarter. “Holy fuck.”

He gave Kristin a look, but she wasn’t even fully watching him anymore, instead her gaze was to Jack. It was a display of full trust.

Who would Tommy be if he betrayed that? So, he put the quarter back into the wallet, watching as it disappeared into the pocket of cash.

“Can I see?” Tubbo asked this time, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“Only if you make the same promise as Tommy.”

“I promise.”

“I promise too!” Ranboo chimed in, already at Tubbo’s side so he could see it as well.

Kristin gently took the wallet from Tommy and handed it to the other two, allowing them to mess with it. She didn’t even keep a heavy eye on them, she just trusted them to not take her money and run. Even though they were villains.

“Looks like everything’s here.” Jack announced, satisfied. He twisted a rubber band around the stack of bills then proceeded to put it in his pocket. Probably waiting until his customers were gone before he stashed it safely away. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. The exit is to your right. It’s a low-power teleporter of sorts, and it’ll pop you onto the roof of the walmart. That way people won’t see you fully decked out in your villain fits. Oh-” He looked at the trio, “speaking of, do you guys need outfits as well? Or have you finally given up trying to hide yourselves? I think anyone who’s anyone recognizes Tommy on sight by this point.”

Tubbo shrugged, “I don’t think it matters. We’re little children right now, that’s the best disguise we could ask for. RaccoonInnit is in hiding right now. But we just committed some arson to make it look as though he’s still active. We need people to not assume three random kids are some of the most feared villains in the city. We’ve already gotten odd looks, and I’m pretty sure some random people tattled on us while we were at the thrift store.”

“Tommy has a very recognizable tail and ears.” Jack nodded, “literally every raccoon hybrid in this city gets the heroes called on them at least once. Even if they look nothing like RaccoonInnit.”

“It's a good distraction really.” Tubbo said with a shrug, “keeps the heroes occupied while we do more important things.”

“I have a great idea if that’s the case.” Kristin piped up, “I’ll tell you later though, secret plans must remain secret after all.”

“That scares me.” Jack admitted.

Kristin simply flashed him a smile, then called, “come along, boys!”

Tommy was still in her arms, and when she noticed this again she asked, “oh, Tommy! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hold onto you for so long. Do you want me to put you down?”

Tommy shook his head. He felt content being held in Kristin’s arms. It was warm and safe, and he was actually tall enough to see shit from here.

“Tommy…” Tubbo warned, but he was easily ignored.

“Can I be carried too?” Ranboo asked next, obviously embarrassed as he avoided Kristin’s eyes.

“Sure, why not?” She scooped Ranboo into her other arm, sitting him up on her hip and continuing on as though they were weightless. She paused, giving Tubbo a gentle smile. “I can carry you too, Tubbo. Would you like to sit on my shoulders again? I bet that your legs are getting tired from walking around so much.”

Tubbo adamantly shook his head, though it was obvious he didn’t want to be the only one walking around. With how his hooves partially dragged with each step, he was definitely growing tired as well. Children's bodies were not built for doing an insane amount of activities for an entire day. Not without a recharge at least.

“Aw, Tubbo,” Kristin cooed, “you’re practically falling asleep on your feet, dear. Are you sure you don’t want a shoulder ride?”

Tubbo caved in immediately, begrudgingly nodding his head and waiting as Kristin crouched down before awkwardly clambering up to sit on her shoulders. She winced when her hair was pulled, but she didn’t complain.

Kristin stepped into the teleport, and with a twist and pop they were momentarily blinded by the warm sunlight, finding themselves standing right atop the roof of the walmart.

The sun was warm on Tommy’s back, a small purr rising in his throat at the comfort of it. A wave of drowsiness washed over him. Curse the warmth of the sun making him want to bathe in the golden rays and sleep for an hour.

“Is it a good time for a nap?” Kristin asked with a light chuckle, “because I can get you three home if you’d like. We could always have our shenanigans later. I can give you my number and you can call me when you wake up again? After all, doing crime when the moon is bright above seems to be the prime time for it, right?”

“I suppose…” Tubbo said sleepily. “But you dunno where we live… it’s too risky.”

“Then I can drop you off somewhere and you can head home from there. I don’t want to invade your space.” Kristin said honestly. “Just tell me where to go, because with the rate you three are leaning on me and closing your eyes, I have a feeling that you’ll be dozing off within seconds here.”

“How are you going to get off the roof?” Ranboo asked, his voice slurred.

“Easy.” Kristin said, “like this.”

There was an odd series of pops, like when someone twists and pops their back. Then an odd clattering that sounded like… bones. Bones against bones.

Tommy’s drowsiness eased away as he opened his eyes and looked around for the sound.

Behind them, straight from Kristin’s back, were motherfucking wings, blackened bone and shiny obsidian feathers shining in the sun.

They rose, stretching themselves as though they had just awoken from a long slumber before they folded against her back, the bones still clacking together as they shifted to get comfortable.

“I forgot to tell you boys,” Kristin grinned, expanding her wings and raising them, ready to strike down and launch them all into the air, “I can fly.”

With that, she beat her wings, and they immediately soared.

The trio screamed with delight, and any thought of taking a nap was replaced with a surge of adrenaline.

Kristin, following their delight, twisted and twirled in the sky, sometimes folding her wings in and allowing them to free dive before catching the air and lifting back towards the clouds. She did this for a while, following their little demands to do something again, or to try something new. Each one resulted in a whoop of delight or terror, sometimes just a mix of both.

After maybe five or ten minutes of this, she finally slowed in the air, just to the point where they could hear her clearly through the wind that sang past their ears. “So, where am I taking you boys?” 

“Can you take us to the park we were at earlier?” Tubbo spoke up before Ranboo or Tommy could. It was like he could just sense that they were to the point of trust that they would just tell Kristin where they lived without a moment of hesitation. “Our place is pretty close to there.”

Kristin nodded, not needing any explanation or demanding to know where they were. She just flew towards the park, surprising the park-goers as she landed in the grass, gently depositing the boys onto the ground.

“Alright you three, head on home and try to take a nap. You’ll need your energy for tonight.” Kristin said, crouching down to stay at their level and look them in the eyes. “I’ll be ready to come back around…” she glanced at her watch, “let's say ten tonight. That’ll give you plenty of time to nap and prepare for crime, and I’ll have time to spend with my family and eat some dinner with them. They usually head to bed around ten anyway.”

“Who is your family, Kristin?” Tommy asked, rubbing at his eyes as his exhaustion settled even heavier than before on his bones.

She winked at him, pressing a finger to her lips, “I’ll tell you tonight. I promise.”

“Sounds good to me.” Ranboo said with a yawn, his tail lazily flicking behind him. 

Honestly, the most surprising thing about the entire interaction was the fact that the trio didn’t even try to protest against taking a nap. They were absolutely drained of energy, and knew that they desperately needed one.

“We’ll call you at ten then.” Tubbo agreed, “c’mon Tommy, c’mon Ranboo. Let’s go home. I want to sleep.”

They said their sleepy goodbyes to Kristin, who gave her own goodbye before launching herself back into the sky, flying off. Hopefully she’d take off her villain outfit before making her way back home.

The trio walked back to their apartment, feet starting to drag on the sidewalk as their bodies screamed at them to rest. Ranboo leaned against Tommy to keep himself upright, his own body threatening to collapse under the warm light of the sun that just barely started to set.

It’s time for a nap, that’s for sure.

After that, they can get back to their beloved crime.

Chapter Text

Tubbo, Tommy, and Ranboo stumbled into their apartment after a stupidly long attempt to successfully unlock the door. But they finally made it, and shut the door behind themselves, already trudging off towards their own rooms to take some well deserved naps.

After quite a few hours, Tubbo was the one who woke up first, and woke the other two as he shouted, “prime fucking damn it!”

Ranboo and Tommy groggily left their respective rooms, scrubbing at their eyes and yawning as they came to see what was wrong.

“What is it, Tubbo?” Ranboo asked with a cat-like yawn, his tail stretching along with it. 

“We didn’t get to watch Quackity’s goons sneak in here.” Tubbo whined, pointing at four brand new toys that stood proudly in their living room.

Toy cars, the electric ones for kids. The perfect size for the trio. One was a dark green Lamborghini, the second was an insanely cool black and white motorcycle (with training wheels), and the third was a… well. It was a pink and purple barbie jeep.

The last toy car was a red dump truck that had two seats, and enough room in the back for a third person and some supplies. This one was slightly bigger than the other three, due to its bigger capacity limit.

Atop the hood of the Lamborghini was a note written in Quackity’s familiar handwriting:

Tubbo, Tommy, and Ranboo,

I know our deal was one car, and I was originally just going to get you the dump truck as you requested. But then I saw the Lambo and the bike, and I just had to get them too.

Since the truck would be a group vehicle, I thought it’d be unfair to give you only two personal vehicles, so I grabbed a third as well. I’m sorry to say that the last available car was the Barbie one, but I have a feeling that Tommy will prefer it.

Either way, we’ve fully decked out each of them with electric engines, real headlights, customized colors (we didn’t have the time to color the barbie one, apologies again. My delivery guy had to make a second trip for it, which delayed our time to work on it), and they all have specialized decals. We had to give them new wheels as well. The plastic ones were absolutely not road safe, so we had to replace them with real rubber tires (thank the ever loving primes I have a person on my side who can create things at will, or none of this would be possible).

Thanks to the upgraded parts, these babies can now reach top speeds of 65 miles per hour, which is a major improvement from the measly 5mph it had before. Also, we’ve reinforced a bunch of it, so its weight limit has increased significantly. Usually these things can hold a maximum of 130 pounds. I don’t know the limit now, we didn’t have time for testing, but Slime guesses that it’s somewhere between 300 or 400 now.

In the case of other people trying to steal your cars, these bitches are heavy so at the very least, regular people won’t be able to just pick them up and walk away. No one other than you three can drive them either, we’ve added a biometric system to the dashboard. The gas pedal, brake pedal, wheel, stick shift, and all four wheels will remain locked unless one of your handprints is used. This will unlock the system and the car simultaneously, but it can lock them as well.

Worst case scenario, if someone does somehow manage to steal one of these, there’s tracking devices in each one, and a deafening alarm that goes off one minute after the car is moved without the biometrics being used.

As a final deterrent, you’ll notice that my villain logo is on the hoods, marking these as dangerous to fuck with. A lot of people use my logo to keep their things safe, and it works pretty damn well.

Slime had to split himself twelve times so that he could have three people working on each one of these to get them out in a timely manner. Please tell him thank you if you get a chance, he will never stop bothering me until he feels appreciated by you three, no matter how many times I personally thank him.

My one request is that you avoid busy roads. I know I can’t stop you, but I really don’t want you to get run over. These cars are still plastic at the end of the day, so they don’t offer a single ounce of protection.

Thank you for the information on that nether wart dealer. I’ll be dealing with him soon.

As promised, I got you the things you wanted in return. You’ll find your personal requested item in your car. Ranboo, yours is next to the bike, and when you have availability, let me know so we can go find your cat.

Have fun, boys.

Quackity

P.S. Instructions for adding your prints to the biometric system are attached.

But below the postscript of the note, in smaller and rushed handwriting:

P.P.S. You all look absolutely adorable when you’re sleeping <3

“I’m gonna kill him.” said Tubbo as he finished reading the note. “We’re not adorable. Fuckin bastard.”

Tommy wasn’t listening anymore. He finished reading the note and kinda brushed over the teasing remark at the end. Instead he immediately made his way to the barbie car, taking a moment to admire the sparkly plastic and the funny decals.

Fuck yeah, he loves women.

Of course, there was Quackity’s symbol, a neon yellow duck decal on the hood, big enough for it to be immediately noticed. The duck was almost solid yellow, but it had a little red scar over where its eye would be, as well as a dark blue beanie that contrasted the yellow significantly. It was an eyesore, but it was a great deterrent for those everyday assholes that enjoy destroying other people’s property for no reason.

It seemed that even if Slime didn’t have time to paint Tommy’s car, he was at least able to slap some dumb raccoon face stickers over each of the Barbie faces that decorated the doors of the car.

Even though Tommy’s fingers itched to open his new oled switch, he knew he wouldn’t have time to play with it. They had crime to do after all.

So instead he walked around the car, taking in the details of it. When he got to the back, he couldn’t help but bark out a laugh at a customized license plate, and noticed that each of the cars had one.

For such small license plates, they only had enough room for five letters, so Tommy’s read “POGRS” (poggers), Tubbo’s read “BOSSM” (bossman), and Ranboo’s read “FUCK” (fuck). Finally, the group vehicle read as “JUKED”.

Ranboo’s license plate got a special rise from Tommy, seeing as the guy refused to curse. 

Tubbo and Ranboo, hearing Tommy’s amusement, came over to see the plates for themselves.

They laughed at them, but Ranboo stopped laughing when he saw his own. His mouth dropped open in shock, but an amused smile remained on his lips.

“Hey Ranboo,” Tommy failed to hold in a giggle, “I lost my ability to read, what does your license plate say?”

“Y’know what, Tommy?” Ranboo said, a small mischievous smirk starting to spread, “I believe that it says the word-”

No one would ever know if Ranboo actually said the word, because at the very moment he was supposed to say it, an impossibly loud siren from an ambulance or police car raced past their building, and drowned out only the very last word of Ranboo’s sentence.

“You’re kidding me.” Tommy whined, “we didn’t even hear that fucker approaching! It’s like it was purposefully timed!”

Tubbo joined in on the whining as well, “Ranboo’s first curse has been taken away from us! What the fuck!”

Ranboo only smiled, his tail flicking back and forth in content. “I find this very amusing. That was great timing on their part.”

“Read it again!” demanded Tommy, pointing insistently at the plate as he walked up to Ranboo to get in his face. “I need this or I’ll die!”

“Oh nooooo,” Ranboo fake cried, “it seems I just now lost my ability to reaaaad. This is so saaaad!”

“Fuck you, bitch boy!”

“There there, Tommy,” Ranboo consoled him, patting Tommy’s head in a mock show of comfort. “I’ll curse again one day. Preferably in a super dramatic moment. Maybe leaning over a guardrail as I discover an impossibly big secret. Preferably in an abandoned mall.”

“That’s oddly specific.” Tubbo pointed out with a tilt of his head.

Ranboo only shrugged, “it’s what I want.”

Tubbo shook his head in amusement, “alright, let’s get back to work. We’ll enter our handprints into the systems first. After that I’m going to call Kristin while you two figure out a way to get these vehicles out of our apartment. Leave my laptop, Tommy’s switch, and Ranboo’s cat stuff behind, please. We don’t need extra things weighing us down.”

“Shouldn’t we take the truck? We have to grab Kristin, don’t we?” Ranboo asked. “Surely we need to have room for her, and I doubt she can fit in the other cars.”

“Kristin can fly, I’m sure she’ll keep up just fine.” said Tubbo, he snapped his fingers, “hurry up, the sooner we get out of here, the better.”

At Tubbo’s insistence for them to rush, they quickly entered their biometrics for each of the cars, and while Tubbo left to call Kristin and tell her where to meet them, Ranboo and Tommy worked out a way to get the cars downstairs. They’d leave the truck in their apartment for now, but later they’ll find a parking spot for all four of the vehicles.

Tommy helped Ranboo unlock and teleport the cars downstairs (that’s a lie, he was pretty useless during the process. But he was trying to be a hypeman, which is helpful in his own special way). Luckily Ranboo’s teleportation seemed to be improving the more he adjusted to his kid body, and after a couple accidents (there were multiple. One instance he accidentally appeared in the middle of a living room while a family was watching TV. There were a couple others too. Appearing in a bathroom while someone was in the shower and singing at the top of their lungs, appearing in a kitchen where two people were making out (that one was extra awkward, they made eye contact), and he also scared a child half to death by appearing in their bedroom while they were trying to record what looked like a minecraft let’s play), Ranboo was able to get all three cars on the street.

With everything ready to go, and Kristin on her way, the boys quickly got dressed to hide their civilian identities. Of course Tommy’s villain outfit no longer fit him, but thanks to their thrift store shopping with Kristin, they were able to work something out.

Each of them wore a plain hoodie; Tommy’s was a solid red, Tubbo’s was a solid green, and Ranboo somehow got a half black and half white one (there weren’t any like that in the thrift store, they don’t know where he got it, and frankly, they’re too afraid to ask). 

Tommy was upset when he realized he couldn’t wear his usual grey sweatpants, but he reluctantly made do with a pair of tan khaki shorts. Then to his surprise, he discovered that his green handkerchief from Tubbo, and even his eye mask still fit, even as a child! This gave him his signature raccoon-ish eyes.

Ranboo was able to fit into his half black half white mask and his (ugly) sunglasses where one side was red and the other was green. He hadn’t worn the two ever since the three were made into children, but they still seemed to fit perfectly.

Tubbo was able to get some goat hybrid specific blue jeans while they were shopping, which were loose and comfortable to wear. This paired with the red handkerchief he traded with Tommy, he would be harder to recognize (this is not true, all three of them are much too recognizable for their own good. But at least Tubbo and Ranboo don’t have too much of a public figure just yet).

The three finally left their apartment and got in their cars, starting up the quiet purr of the engines before speeding off.

It surprised everyone (aside from Ranboo) that Ranboo was able to ride the motorcycle with ease. Apparently, while he was teleporting the vehicles down, he somehow managed to remove the training wheels too. It was extremely lucky that the bike happened to have a kickstand for some reason, even though it didn’t make sense for it to have one since training wheels would typically keep it from falling over.

But Ranboo was a prime-damned professional as he raced down the streets. (Before you ask, yes, they were all given customized full-face helmets to wear (a secret feature is that the vehicles wouldn’t work without them being worn). Tommy’s is a classic shiny red with Raccoon stickers and a white visor, Tubbo’s is a dark green with way too many bee stickers and a yellow visor, and Ranboo’s is a dark, sparkly purple with a couple cat stickers on it and a black visor)

The trio flew down the roads, scaring one or two people half to death as they passed. They honked their horns randomly to make people jump in surprise before they flew by, and they constantly moved from the street to the sidewalk and back to avoid traffic.

Quackity had definitely earned himself a nice visit from the boys, and most definitely made his way up the ranks on the trio’s unofficial list of the coolest people of all time. Though Tommy would never allow anyone to surpass Philza as number one in his personal opinion (aside from Kristin, she was easily becoming #1). But Tubbo and Ranboo were pretty insistent that Technoblade should be number one of all time. Quackity was just about .1% off from being first place for all of them.

They’d never tell him that.

--------

Kristin was snuggling with Phil and watching a movie with her family when she got the call.

Phil was the one who saw her phone screen light up first as it was on his side of the couch, and picked it up to hand it to her. He wouldn’t answer it out of respect for her privacy of course.

“Your phone’s ringing. Looks like a spam call.” Phil commented, seeing that the phone read “no caller ID”.

Kristin hummed, already knowing that it was probably her little villain friends (emphasis on little). She gave Phil a smile as she took her phone, “I have a little feeling it won’t be.” 

She left it at that, kissing her husband’s cheek before getting up from the couch. Already she missed the warmth of Phil as she answered her phone and walked to the hall so she wouldn’t disturb the movie. “Hello?”

“Howdy-do, Kristin!” Tubbo’s cheery voice bubbled through the line.

“Hello! I was wondering when you’d call, I almost thought you wouldn’t.” Kristin said, a light chuckle following.

“Our naps were intense, ” he responded, and she could imagine that he was nodding his head. “I don’t think I’ve slept that heavily in all my life. I’m surprised we woke up in the first place.”

“You did a lot today, it’s only natural for you to be so tired.”

“I suppose… I’m not used to it is all.” Tubbo said, then he pulled away from the phone, his voice muffled as he called to someone else, “Tommy! Stop trying to open the switch! We’re leaving it here!”

There was a pause, and she knew Tommy was probably responding with something vulgar in retaliation. But Tubbo didn’t respond to him, and instead came back to Kristin, “sorry about that. Anyway, we want to start simple, Quackity just did us a huge favor, so messing with him is a no go right now. Besides, we need to make your villainous debut, and if we did that at Quackity’s casino, you’d make yourself a target in his books. Unless you say that you act in the name of RaccoonInnit, Ender, and… ugh, I guess Bumblebee. Which we might do so that people don’t get too suspicious of us going radio quiet. We’ll meet you at the park. Our target is pretty close to there.”

“Alright then, I’ll be there in ten.” Kristin promised, then the line went dead.

She left the hallway, finding that both of her boys were looking to her instead of their movie, having already paused it.

“You’re skipping the rest of the movie then?” Phil asked.

Kristin sent her boys a smile, “I’m sorry loves, but I should be back in a couple hours. I’ll let you know if I’ll be late.”

“You never skip movie night,” Techno pointed out, lazily stretched out across his favorite recliner. Though he wasn’t sitting in it properly, his neck resting on one arm of the chair and his legs dangling over the side of the other. “Must be important.”

“It is.” Kristin confirmed vaguely. “I’m afraid it can’t be pushed to another day either.”

“Aw, that’s alright.” Phil said, “we’ll just have to finish this movie the next time we get a chance.”

“Where are you going anyway?” Techno asked, his head tilting in curiosity.

Kristin walked her way over to him, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. Then booped his nose as she straightened back up, causing him to quietly snort with amusement. “That’s a secret. I’ll tell you one of these days.”

Techno  reached for her hand to grasp it, squeeze it gently, then let it go, a quiet way of saying “I love you”. 

Lastly, she approached Phil, who stood up as she neared. He looked up into her eyes (Kristin is taller than Phil because I said so and because she’s just cool like that. GET SHORTENED, PHIL) with that gaze that practically screamed adoration. His hands gently rested on her hips, and he had to get on his tiptoes to give her a proper kiss. “Tell me when you’re on your way home, yeah?”

“Of course.” Kristin promised.

“You have everything you need?”

Kristin hummed, patting herself as she checked what she had on her. She didn’t want to take her bag or phone, she has a watch she can text Phil with instead. However, she absolutely did have her new villain suit underneath her comfy clothes, sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. Though she’d grab her boots from the front door. They actually had a secret feature that once she took them off, they folded in on themselves and disguised themselves as regular ankle boots.

Kristin gave Phil one last kiss on the forehead, grabbed her shoes, then made her way to the balcony.

“You’re not taking the elevator today?” Phil asked, ever so slightly surprised from Kristin breaking her usual habits.

She opened the doors, taking a deep breath of the cool night air, then turned towards her family, stepping backwards up the little stairs they had specifically for the balcony exit until she was balanced on the railing. “No thanks. I think I’ll fly tonight.”

With a two finger salute and a wink, she allowed herself to fall backwards into the night, her wings forming with a clack of bones and a rustle of feathers and catching the air. She laughed as she flew back up towards the clouds, and made her way to the park. Of course, she first took off her sweats and shirt to reveal her villain get-up beneath, and put on her mask. Her hair was already braided from earlier in the day.

She sneakily dropped the extra clothing on the roof of the tower so she could grab it later.

Then she was on her way to the park.

--------

The boys raced around the parking lot while waiting for Kristin, their tires screeching across the asphalt and causing stark black skid marks to follow behind them.

Kristin’s sudden appearance honestly scared them. Her wings were scarily silent, even though they looked more like a crow’s than an owl’s.

At first, she simply perched on a lamppost, watching them race around for a minute, amused by their laughter and excitable energy.

Then, in the eyes of the trio, she just fucking appeared right beneath a lamppost, scaring the three half to death when they couldn’t clearly see her features at first.

With the shadows she looked like Lady Death. It was terrifying.

Tommy screamed when he saw her, jerking his car to the left and skidding into a u-turn to go the other way until he finally realized that it was just Kristin. Sheepishly, he turned back around and drove back to her, finding that Tubbo and Ranboo had already parked near her and hopped off their respective vehicles to greet her.

Kristin smiled at him as he parked his car, and he could feel the humiliating fact that his cheeks were burning. He was grateful for the night, and the disgusting shade of yellowish light that the streetlamps provided. Only because of these facts he's able to hide the fact that he’s flustered as all hell.

They had all taken off their masks and glasses so they could put on their helmets, so he didn’t have coverage from those. Of course, all three of them would put their disguises back on when the real crime began.

“Good evening, Kristin!” Tommy greeted cheerfully, pretending that the blush of his chubby cheeks wasn’t even there.

“Good evening, Tommy. I’m sorry I spooked you three, but the lighting here was too good to ignore.” Kristin said, gesturing towards the streetlight.

“I thought it was cool!” Ranboo exclaimed, raising his hand as he said so.

“You’re a horror freak, Ranboo.” Tommy pointed out with a roll of his eyes, gently shoving the back of Ranboo’s head with his fingers.

“It’s okay Tommy,” Tubbo started, wrapping his arm around Tommy’s neck and dragging him to his side. “I was scared too. I almost did the goat faint, but thankfully I didn’t, or else I probably would’ve crashed my car.”

“I was actually just going to ask where the cars came from.” Kristin said, her wings folding and unfolding with curiosity. “Have you always had them? I’ve never seen them on the field before.”

“Quackity got them for us.” Tubbo provided, surprising everyone. They didn’t think he’d willingly share any information with Kristin. “Just today in fact. We thought we’d take them for a spin.”

Kristin clapped her hands excitedly, “that’s amazing! They look completely customized too! It’s obvious that he cares a lot about you three.”

Tommy pouted, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes with as much dramatics as he could muster. “He basically called us baby birds today. He’s a bitch.”

“To be fair, you do look like children.” Kristin hummed, “I’m pretty familiar with avian folk. They tend to be very… bird brained.”

“Disgusting.” Tommy decided. “But aren’t you an avian?”

Kristin hummed, “y’know, I’m not really sure. I have the wings, but I don’t operate in the same way as most avians do. My brain doesn’t really go to bird territory.”

“When you say familiar…” Tubbo began, “does this have any correlation with what you asked me today?”

Ranboo raised his hand, “can we please know what you asked Tubbo? Because he hasn’t said a single word to us.”

“We were taking naps! I forgot!” Tubbo defended himself, but he was easily ignored.

“Oh, right.” Kristin said, biting her lip in thought. “Okay. So, you know how we’ve been trusting one another with a lot of things today?”

The trio nodded.

“Well. I have one more big secret I need to tell you three. But I’m going to promise now that it changes nothing. I will reiterate a million more times if I need to, but I’m here of my own free will, and I have no ill intent towards you. Do you understand?” 

This time, the three glanced at one another nervously. Kristin sounded serious. But despite their hesitation, they nodded again, urging her to continue.

“So… you know the top three heroes?”

Tommy’s eyes practically shone with stars as total excitement overwhelmed his little body. “Know them?! I’m their biggest fan!”

“Oh primes, now you’ve done it.” sighed Ranboo, “prepare yourself for a very long rant on why Philza is “the coolest hero of all time”, you’re going to want to sit down for this.”

Kristin only hummed, accepting her fate of being cut off from telling them what she wanted to tell them and proceeded to sit down on the sidewalk, listening intently. As if she’d ever just cut a kid off from rambling about one of his favorite things.

Ranboo sat next to her, and immediately leaned into her side, his tail wrapping around him and settling near his feet like a cats.

Tubbo, with a short huff, did the same. Sitting on Kristin’s other side and very stiffly leaned against her. Though he immediately relaxed (practically melting into her lap) when Kristin started gently scratching his back with her nails.

Ranboo saw this kind treatment, and immediately grabbed Kristin’s other hand and put it atop his head, asking for the same. Kristin obliged immediately, and before long Ranboo was purring with contentment.

Tommy was already pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, his whole body shaking with complete elation. But he was also surprised that Kristin was so willing to listen. Normally everyone would cut him off or tell him that they could talk about it later. Once again, Kristin was the only woman ever. 

“I wish I had my powerpoint presentation.” Tommy started, cursing under his breath. “Then I’d be able to show you all the cool photos I have. I haven’t gotten his signature yet, but one day I will. Mark my words. I’m gonna put that baby in a frame on the wall.”

Tommy proceeded to explain exactly why Philza was the greatest hero of all time. Completely ignoring the fact that Philza technically had a hero name. Never using it once. He went through all the physical attributes first. Explaining how his wings were, “sick as fuck” and what species they came from. Then he listed a bunch of crow facts and his theory that Philza could communicate with them, to which Kristin confirmed (no, he didn’t think about how she knew that fact, he was just excited that his theory was correct). He was especially proud of the fact that he shared the same features with his blond hair and blue eyes.

Then he moved on to talk about all of Philza’s abilities; flying, his feet being bird talons so he could grab things with them, his speed and agility rated on a scale of one to ten. He listed some other bird hybrids as well, pointing out “flaws” that they clearly lacked when compared to Philza (yes, he included Quackity in the mix).

Tommy went on to list what materials he believes Philza’s armor to be made of, and what the strength of the fabric could hypothetically be based upon that and the budget of the heroes tower.

Then he just… continued to repeat a couple more things about how cool Philza was.

When he was done with his rambling, Tubbo and Ranboo were practically asleep, but Kristin had been giving her full attention to Tommy the whole time. Even giving him a round of applause as he finished.

Her clapping jolted both Tubbo and Ranboo awake, who immediately started to sleepily clap their hands with her.

“That was very well organized, Tommy!” Kristin marveled, “I know you’ve met him through your villainy as RaccoonInnit, so tell me, do you have a favorite moment?”

“I absolutely do!” Tommy boasted with the utmost pride, “he’s thrown me around quite a few times now. But one time, he grabbed me by the foot and flew really high up and told me to stop being a menace! I bit his dumb bird foot for that though, no one tells me what to do. So he dropped me! The fear on his face was fucking hilarious as he dived down to catch me so I wouldn’t die.” Tommy tapped a finger to his chin, “maybe that’s why he doesn’t grab me anymore.”

“I remember that! He had quite the nasty mark on his foot.” Kristin tsked, “You single handedly made sure that everyone in the tower had to get rabies shots.”

“Fuck yes!” Tommy celebrated under his breath, pumping his fist along with it.

Tubbo blinked the sleep out of his eyes, “y’know Kristin, you seem to be very familiar with Phil. I know you work at the heroes tower, but based on what you’ve asked me today, is it fair to assume that you’re more than just co-workers?”

“That’s definitely a fair assumption Tubbo.” Kristin said with a nod.

Tommy’s jaw dropped open, “no fucking way. You’re Philza Minecraft’s best friend?!”

Kristin chuckled, taking a moment to stand up and brush some dirt off her dress. “Y’know how I was asking for a favor?”

The trio nodded.

“Well, my favor that I ask of you is that you three don’t harm Philza or the Blade. Not badly at least. You still have full permission to mess with them though.”

“Why can’t we hurt them?” Ranboo asked innocently.

“Tommy might actually love this, but I’m not just Philza’s best friend, I’m actually his wife. And The Blade is  my son.” Kristin admitted, her lips pressing together as she anxiously awaited a response from the trio.

Tommy and Ranboo’s jaws dropped to the fucking floor.

Surprisingly, Tubbo leaped into the air in a celebratory manner, his hooves dancing happily on the pavement when he landed. “I fucking knew it!”

“Are you upset? I know that it’s a lot, and I understand if you don’t trust me.”

“Upset?!” Tommy now spoke up, stirred out of his shock. “Are you kidding me?! I can now brag to Philza that his wife likes me more than him! Because I am the biggest and most poggers man of all time of course.”

Kristin shook her head fondly, “sure, whatever you say, dear. Though I will agree that you are pretty… poggers.”

Tommy was practically a buzzing ball of energy at that point, preening underneath the compliment.

“Have you told them about us?” Ranboo asked. Clearly the only one with a little more sense at the moment. Usually Tubbo had that responsibility, but he was busy celebrating the fact that his theory was correct.

Kristin adamantly shook her head, “never. I love my family, but they’re not ready to know that I’ve befriended quite a few villains outside of you three at this point. And by doing my own research, I’ve been able to earn their trust and know their true identities as well. Of course I usually tell them about my relations before they reveal themselves, but at that point they know I’m not going to tell the heroes. It’s more fun this way.”

“Why in the world are you running around befriending villains?” Ranboo gawked, “that’s extremely dangerous! They could kidnap you and use you for ransom!”

Kristin shrugged, “they could. Some have done so in the past, but I find it exhilarating to get to know who the people behind the mask are. I like understanding people's true intentions, to hear their side of the story. The only time I have technically “betrayed” someone’s trust, was because they were planning to kill a lot of people for the sake of fun. I couldn’t allow it.”

“I’m confused, if you’ve locked someone away for wanting to murder a bunch of people, why are you running around and talking to villains in the first place? You said before that we’re the reason civilian casualties have gone down so much.”

“That’s a great question, Ranboo.” Kristin said, leaning back against the light pole behind her, “though you don’t need to worry. I started befriending villains after you three came into the villain world. But it happened mostly by chance because I accidentally befriended one, who had a horrible run in with a hero and I stumbled across them and helped to bandage their wounds. Their mask was half burnt off, so I saw their identity. I promised to never tell a soul, and told them who I was in return. Things happened naturally from there, they introduced me to their friends, who introduced me to their friends. They’re all aware of who I am of course. We have a deal that if I ever betray them and they have absolute proof of it, they’re allowed to kidnap me for ransom. Though I have made a deal with a couple others where if they’re in a rough patch and need some money, they can use me for ransom as well. The heroes tower has way too much money as it is. It’s basically a corporation after all.”

“This is cool and all, but what do you get out of it?” Tubbo started, his head tilting to the side in curiosity. “It sounds like you’re just making friends and offering to be kidnapped. No offense, but that’s stupid.”

“Since you three had civilian casualties covered, I decided to make deals on a mixture of both civilian and hero casualties.” Kristin said, “I’ve been able to negotiate quite a bit. But most of the deals are that if a fight is going to happen, they must give the heroes an ample amount of time to evacuate civilians before going apeshit. Their abilities, especially if they damage the area around them, must be used as little as possible to not harm innocents during this grace period. But once enough time is given, they’re allowed to use the full extent of their abilities.” She explained, her hands gesturing calmly as she spoke, “they’re also allowed to harm the heroes, but in return for my silence, they must never aim to kill. If I get word of that, then they’ll have to deal with me. There’s a reason villains haven’t been using killing blows if they’ve won recently. We’ve lost too many heroes that way in the past, and frankly, I’m sick of it.”

“You’re literally insane.” Tommy said bluntly, then a wild grin grew on his cheeks, “I love it.”

“Thank you. Though I do believe that the whole hero/villain thing now is just ridiculous.” Kristin said with a disappointed shake of her head. “All we would need to do is provide people with the materials they need to live so that they don’t have to turn to a life of crime. Though there are a select few who are villains just for the sake of being villains. They find it adrenaline-inducing. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to them and strike some sort of deal. I just wish people would talk to one another more.”

“My respect for you grows with every fucking word you say.” said Tubbo, gently pulling at her skirt to gain her attention. “Though I should say that even though we started villainy so we could get by, after a little bit of time we simply found it to be fun. So we’ve kinda just kept at it.”

“That’s fine by me. I think you three especially enjoy the chase.” Kristin hummed, “heroes find you to be incredibly frustrating to try and catch, even if it’s just for a moment. You always seem to find a way to slip away before they can announce their win.”

“Can I ask an off-topic question?” Ranboo suddenly spoke up, waiting until everyone looked at him and gave him a nod of approval. “You have these really cool wings, right? But there aren’t a crazy amount of avians in the city. I’m sure Phil knows about your wings, so, won’t he identify who you are immediately?”

“Yet another great question, Ranboo.” Kristin said with a mischievous grin. “I actually found out I could do something very very recently when I went to see someone- they call him Doc- about unlocking my full abilities. I-”

Tommy cut her off, “what are your abilities?”

“I’ll get to that, I promise.” Kristin patiently told him, “I don’t think there’s a single soul out there with the same abilities as me, seeing as I almost broke Doc’s machine. There was a list of potential powers that I possibly had, and methods of unlocking them. One of them is that I can partially shapeshift.”

She straightened her back and stretched out her wings to their full length. Slowly, she maneuvered them into small wingbeats. Ones that wouldn’t get her off the ground.

With each pull forward, the blackened bones would fuse together or realign themselves, their clacking stopping one by one. Feathers aligned themselves into neater patterns, slowly attaching to pink flesh that started to twist and grow its way across the bones, a river of blood and muscle flowing just before the pink. The quills of the feathers slotted themselves into the skin, causing Kristin to wince a little as they formed completely.

Then, she lifted her wings up over her head before slamming them down in an angle that wouldn’t catch the wind. When they stilled once more, the wings’ colors had changed from a solid black to a gradient of black to purple, the tips of her wings being the brightest part.

Finally, she slid a hand down her braid, but as she reached what should’ve been the end, the braid just… kept going. She followed it for a couple seconds, and when she finally let go it draped to her knees with dyed purple tips.

Kristin beamed at them, waiting for any sort of response.

The boys were still gawking at her, their jaws dropped.

She chuckled, “so far I can only get it to work on my wings and hair. But I still think it’s pretty impressive.”

“Impressive?!” Tommy exclaimed, “more like the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life! Holy fucking shit! Quackity is a full-fledged shapeshifter, but he doesn’t transform in front of us often, so he’s not as cool.”

“Are you just part shape-shifter? Or is there more?” Tubbo asked.

“There’s more,” Kristin assured him. She stretched out her hands, her palms towards them, “have you ever heard about the touch of death?”

The trio shook their heads.

“That’s because it shouldn’t exist.” Kristin explained with a frown, “it’s much too powerful, to take a life with only a touch.”

“You’ve held our hands… Are we going to die?!” Tommy suddenly exclaimed, his tail poofing out behind him in fear. He’s too young, too beautiful to die so early!

“No, love.” Kristin chuckled, “I have to have full intentions of killing someone in order for it to work. I can dampen my power as well, to give someone I touch flu-like symptoms, or make them need to throw-up, and I can even give someone cramps. But unless I have the intent of doing so, my everyday touch won’t harm anyone.”

“That’s fucking metal.” Tubbo whispered, his eyes wide in awe. He suddenly shook his head, “alright, that’s enough exposition. Let’s do some crime, boys!”

“I don’t think that’s exposition, there wasn’t any-” Ranboo started quietly, but he was quickly hushed as Tubbo pressed a finger to Ranboo’s lips, silencing him.

“What’s the plan, big man?” Tommy asked, his tail now twitching in excitement as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “You’ve told us absolutely nothing and I need to know or I will straight up die.”

“You won’t die,” Tubbo said with a roll of his eyes, “not without my help. Anyway, tonight, we’re heading to the pool!”

Everyone was quiet, waiting for Tubbo to tell them he was just joking and that they were actually going to do some actual crime.

The pause was much too long, making it very awkward.

“The… pool?” Ranboo finally asked, “how… How can we commit crime at a pool? Are we just breaking and entering? Breaking the pool rules? Because no offence, but that’s super boring for someone’s first crime.”

“Of course we’re not just breaking and entering.” Tubbo rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. “You think I’d be so dull? C’mon, where’s your faith in me? I always have a fun crime planned.”

“I trust you, Tubbo.” Kristin said with a smile, “but I would appreciate maybe a little more explanation of said plan.”

“You three just can’t let things be a surprise, can you.” Tubbo said, shaking his head in disappointment, but he didn’t wait for any reply. “This pool has been on our hit list for ages now. It’s the one that we were banned from because we kept sneaking in since we couldn’t pay. Also because we kept breaking the rules.”

“Ohhhhhh!” Tommy suddenly realized, “those fuckers!”

Tubbo nodded, “it’s about time we paid them a visit. I want to light that fucking pool on fire.”

--------

Tubbo had everyone wait on the street as he approached an alley a couple blocks away from the pool building. Though he didn’t enter the alley, and instead leaned back against the wall at the very edge of the front of the building beside it. Making sure that whoever was hidden in the shadows didn’t see him.

To the darkness, he asked, “you have what I asked for?”

“Why do you sound like a fucking three year old?” The darkness asked rudely.

“Don’t fucking question me.” Tubbo snapped back, “do you have the shit I asked for or not? Because I can easily just walk away and set my dog on you.”

“Your dog?”

Tubbo whistled in a very specific way, a high note that lowered then raised back again. A common dog call to summon Tommy.

From here, he could see Tommy’s head straighten and swivel towards him, his ears twisting to show he was listening intently.

Tubbo waved him over, to which Tommy did so, the night causing him to look extra creepy as he fucking scampered over on all fours. He stood back up when he reached Tubbo, and Tubbo gestured for him to remain quiet.

“Yeah. Would you like to meet my dog?” Tubbo asked, “I must warn you, he has claws, and he’s kinda more cat-like than dog. So unless you want to get fucked up by him then stop asking questions and hand me the shit I asked for. Do you want to get paid or not?”

The boys had many specific plans to get what they wanted when people tried to betray them or raise their prices last minute because they noticed how young the boys were. Thinking them to be gullible.

One of these plans was known as “guard-dog” and it was Tommy’s favorite.

The code word for this plan to be initiated was to simply refer to Tommy as a dog or cat.

When Tommy heard Tubbo refer to him as a dog, he immediately dropped to all fours again, creeping his way around the corner. Knowing that his eyes would catch the shitty light above them and cause them to glow in that freaky animalistic way.

“That’s not a fucking dog…” the stranger said, their voice shaking in fear. Despite this, they managed to force a laugh, “that thing is fucking tiny and scrawny anyway. As if I’d be scared.”

Tommy chittered at first, then the sound melted into a growl, his tail flicking back and forth in an angry manner as his tail fur stood on end to make himself look bigger. His ears pressed flat against his head.

“Look kid, I can’t sell shit to a fucking three year old.” The stranger insisted. “You’ll have five dollars and a couple quarters in your pocket at most. That’s not enough cash.”

Tubbo finally stepped around the corner, resting his hand on Tommy’s head and giving the stranger a terrifying glower. He pulled out a fat wad of cash from his pocket, showing it off as though to prove he could indeed pay.

The stranger only took a slight step back, shaking their head. “You are a child! What the fuck!”

Tubbo tilted his head, an evil grin stretching across his face as he patted Tommy’s head twice, then lifted his hand. “Sick em’ boy.”

At his command, Tommy launched himself forward, landing directly on the stranger's chest and clawing his way up towards their head to bite at their ear with his sharp teeth. 

The stranger slapped and shoved in a desperate attempt to get Tommy off of them, but Tommy held fast, his fingernails now sharp claws that dug into fabric and skin. He managed to bite the stranger's neck before they got a decent punch on his stomach, sending him flying into the alley wall.

Ah. Increased strength. Good to know.

Tommy shook off the impact, a more savage growl ripping from his throat as a new anger rose from his chest.

The nerve of this bitch! Trying to hurt him! They should understand that when Tommy attacks them, they’re supposed to take it without any struggle! C’mon!

Though he must admit that it’s more fun this way.

With a newfound grin, his eyes glowing in the dimmed light, he jumped towards the stranger again. This time, he aimed for the legs, latching on and immediately biting their knees as hard as he could to distract them by causing them to stumble before he scrambled up their body, making sure to dig his nails into their skin with each hand as he climbed upwards.

He bit their side before they managed to elbow him in the face, but he only adjusted so when the arm came back to hit him again, he clamped his jaw onto their forearm.

They lifted their arm, trying to use Tommy’s weight against him to force him to let go, but Tommy’s teeth only dug in further as he was encouraged to keep a tighter hold. Though he did eventually use his arms to lift himself up a little, he didn’t want to cause any irreparable damage.

Instead, he decided that he’d do what he’s seen characters do in cartoons before.

He gnawed down the stranger's arm like it was a corn on the cob. There was even a fucking impossible typewriter ding that sounded when he reached the end, before he started back at the beginning again.

The fool yowled and swung their arm desperately, but Tommy just kept on munching. Ignoring the fist that slammed into his sides and legs and hands. Bravely, the stranger swung their fist to slam against Tommy’s face, but Tommy only opened his mouth, and fucking snapped down.

There was an entire fucking fist in Tommy’s mouth, his teeth clamped onto a wrist.

His mouth was no longer small, no one can say for certain with the darkness, but Tubbo is pretty sure Tommy’s mouth had become impossibly larger to accommodate this, his teeth much sharper. He was literally like an animated character.

It was probably just a trick of the light. :]

“Fucking primes, get it off of me!” The stranger yelled, swinging Tommy down into the floor. But Tommy remained undamaged and unrelenting, his jaw locked on their wrist. “I’m sorry! I’ll give you the shit you asked for! Please! Just get it off of me!”

Tubbo hummed to himself. “I dunno man, you kind of pissed me off. You should know better than to invoke the anger of RaccoonInnit.”

The stranger gasped in absolute terror, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t know who you were!”

“Do better.”

Tommy got bored of holding onto the stranger’s wrist, and let go so he could clamber up their arm and towards their head, scrambling all over it just like a- you guessed it- cartoon cat.

Tubbo watched in amusement. He even gestured for Kristin and Ranboo to come over so they could watch too.

Ranboo high-fived him when he saw the weirdly convenient cloud of dust that rose from the two fighters, limbs or heads poking through before diving back in.

Kristin simply watched, her head tilted in curiosity as she tried to process the impossible things she was seeing.

The dust suddenly cleared, giving the three a perfect view of Tommy who… didn’t really look like Tommy anymore? Not in this lighting? What the fuck were Tommy’s powers? No one knew.

All they knew is that there was a very large and abnormal looking raccoon-ish creature that just… snapped its jaws completely over the stranger's head and locked its teeth at their throat. Not biting hard enough to pierce skin, but certainly hard enough to keep a sturdy hold.

There was a muffled scream from inside Tommy’s locked jaw.

“Have you guys ever watched Lilo and Stitch?” Kristin asked as she observed the impossible, “because I’m pretty sure that Tommy is somehow related to Stitch, who- might I remind you- is a fictional character. This is exactly like a scene in the movie.”

“I think you’re right.” Ranboo agreed, his tail flicking back and forth with delight.

Tubbo finally decided that this was enough torture, and that the stranger learned their lesson.

“Tommy, that’s enough. Let him go.” Tubbo said calmly.

But Tommy didn’t let go. He was too lost in the sauce, something about him was far more feral than usual.

“Tommy, drop it!” Tubbo commanded, “drop it! Now, Tommy!”

Tommy glared at him, but eventually unclamped his jaw and lept back to the ground, stalking back to Tubbo’s side on all fours once more. 

In the process, as he got closer to the light, whatever abomination the shadows made him out to be started to melt away. The second he was finally in the actual light, he was just a human boy with raccoon features. There was not a single thing that showed him to be the creature from before.

The question of what Tommy’s abilities actually were would forever be unanswered.

The stranger fell back onto their ass at the force of Tommy’s launch off them, finally freed from the horrors.

Their head was covered in a disgustingly clear and slimy viscous. Their hair wild and wet from the nasty stuff that coated them.

The slime dripped down their neck, causing them to shiver with disgust.

“Have we learned our lesson today?” Tubbo tilted his head in a threatening manner.

The stranger didn’t answer, they only screamed and ran for their life down the alley, causing a loud ruckus as they accidentally kicked trash or slammed into a trashcan or dumpster, not wanting to take their eyes off the four in the fear of being followed.

“Good job, Tommy!” Tubbo cheered, ruffling Tommy’s hair with his palm. “Beautiful work! I’ve never seen you chomp on someone’s entire head before!”

Tommy laughed incredulously, “I have no idea what just happened!”

“Me neither!” Tubbo replied much too happily, “let’s pretend it never happened at all!”

The trio cheered, and Kristin could’ve sworn it sounded like the little celebration cheer from the fnaf games.

Tubbo skipped into the alley, pointing at three yellow metal barrels that were simply labeled “gasoline” in black spray paint. Each of them already had a four-wheeled dolly tucked beneath it so they were ready for easy transport.

Tommy immediately rushed for one of them, laughing as he easily pushed it out of the alley. “I’m so ready to commit arson!”

Kristin took the second barrel, and Ranboo took the last.

Since Tubbo already went through the process of organizing the retrieval of these, he was allowed to take it easy and stroll along behind them. Though at one point Kristin placed him atop the barrel she was pushing since he was the one mapping their route.

They had to avoid any common hero patrol paths, so there were often times when they had to navigate through alleys, and Tubbo would have to move ahead to clear out trash to give them a decent path to push the barrels through.

But eventually they made it, finding themselves outside of a decently sized building, with giant glass windows at the front that would normally show off the pool. But at the moment the glass was covered with long metal shutters. Which was great news for the villains.

Tubbo had them stop when they reached the front door. They slipped on their glasses and masks, finally ready to fuck around, and for others to find out.

He pointed to Ranboo, “alright Ran, pop on in and disable the alarms, will you? Then unlock the door for us.”

Ranboo gave him a little salute, then teleported away in a flurry of purple particles.

There was a muted shuffling inside, something that definitely sounded like a can of pencils knocked over, another thing sounding like a pile of papers cascading to the floor, and finally the click of a lock.

The door swung open, revealing a sheepish Ranboo who was trying to avoid looking at the mess he had caused.

“What the fuck, dude?” Tommy said.

“I didn’t mean to!” Ranboo held his hands in the air, shaking his head as hard as he could, “my teleport landed me on the counter!”

“You just wanted to cause a mess before us, that’s okay.” Tubbo dismissed, patting Ranboo’s shoulder. “Let’s go in before a civilian or hero spots us.”

They pushed their barrels of gasoline inside, shutting and locking the doors behind them.

The lobby was a simple place, now littered with papers and pencils scattered across the floor. Just white tile, white walls with a blue ocean pattern reaching maybe a third of the way up the walls to give the place just a small splash of personality.

On the wall was a corkboard with papers advertising events, available summer camps, swim lessons, club days, and the like. But at the top left corner of the board, there was a dedicated space labeled “POOL BANS”. 

Within this space, were three separate photos of the boys as their teenage selves. Tubbo’s photo was him grinning wildly, his eyes crinkled mid-laugh as he posed. Ranboo’s photo consisted of him smiling, his mouth parted nervously at the camera, his eyes were shut, and a weirdly anime-esque bead of sweat was falling down his temple. Tommy’s however, was the most unique of the three. His pose consisted of him looking over his shoulder at the camera, winking, and making kissy lips at the camera to blow it a kiss.

The employees had captured the trio’s personalities perfectly.

Below each of the photos, written in a dark red marker were the words, “Length of Ban: INDEFINITELY”.

There were no other kids that made their way onto that list.

“Fuck yeah boys,” Tommy whispered, feeling the need to be quiet, “we made it to the wall of fame.”

“Technically,” Ranboo piped up, “we’re not breaking any rules either. If you think about it, right now since we’re de-aged, we’re before our perma-ban. Meaning we’re not banned from the pool yet.”

Tommy sent Ranboo a glare and hissed, “you’re taking the fun out of this boob boy.”

Ranboo shrugged, a slight frown on his face, “I think it’s plenty fun.”

“C’mon guys.” Tubbo interrupted before the two could get themselves into some sort of playful argument, “the pool’s this way.”

There were two ways to get to the pool. One of them was through the locker rooms, and the other was through a clear glass door.

Tubbo decided he was going to be cool, and tilted his head down, brushing his left foot across the ground twice.

Kristin, seeing what he was about to do tried to stop him, “Tubbo dear, I don’t think your horns are-”

But Tubbo charged forward before she could complete her sentence.

Needless to say, Tubbo ran full speed into the glass, resulting in a loud thump as his head hit the glass, his horns much too small to actually do anything. He fell back onto the floor, clutching at his head in pain as a whine escaped his lungs, curling into a tight little ball as he tried to suppress any more cries.

The other three winced for him, and Kristin stepped forward, bundling Tubbo into her arms and giving him a hug. “That was a great try, Tubbo. But you need to be careful. Your horns aren’t big enough to ram into things right now, not while your body is so young.”

Another soft cry was Tubbo’s only response before he hung onto Kristin like a lifeline, burying his face in her shoulder to hide away. The instincts of his child side were taking over.

“You know, I have a very special way of getting rid of ouchies- or uh- pain.” Kristin offered gently, correcting herself from the accidental children's talk she had started to use.

Tubbo retreated from her shoulder, staring up at her with wide, glossy blue eyes.

Kristin cupped the back of his head with her palm, then proceeded to plant a kiss at the crown of his skull. When she pulled away, she flashed him a smile, wiping away his tears with her thumb. “It’s a magic kiss. It makes all the pain go away.”

Tubbo’s eyes widened even further, his hand lifting to his head in surprise. “Do you have healing powers?” His voice cracked.

Kristin shook her head, “not at all. The magic kiss is very special, and only works because of love.”

What the trio didn’t know was that this was a legitimate parenting tip. Many parents, guardians, babysitters, and family members have used the “magic kiss” to soothe a child.

The boys have never had this amount of protection and care poured into them. They’ve never seen a magic kiss administered to anyone, as they never received one themselves.

Now that Tubbo had been calmed down, Kristin stood back up, picking Tubbo up as she went and setting him down atop her barrel. “Let’s go set fire to that pool, right loves?”

Tommy and Ranboo had stayed shockingly quiet for the entire interaction, watching Kristin in complete awe as she magically made pain go away with a single kiss.

But at her reminder of why they were here, the excitement came back, and the boys immediately started pushing their respective barrels into the locker rooms.

Kristin followed behind, helping them with the heavy door before they helped her in return, then they wandered down the men's locker room, scrunching their noses at the smell of sweat and disgustingly strong axe cologne.

“I bet that if I lit a match in here,” Tommy grunted, “the room would explode. How is axe spray even legal?”

“I swear to primes it’s toxic to breathe.” Ranboo added.

They continued down the room until they reached a doorless exit revealing the wide squared U-shaped pool.

The U was meant to be entered on the left, where you could enter the water at a slope, similar to a beach. The shallows went as deep as three or four feet, at least until it reached the bottom middle of the U, where it would suddenly slope down at a sharper angle into the deep end, which reached all the way down to ten feet or so.

Tubbo leaped off of Kristin’s barrel, his hooves hitting the concrete and echoing around them. He examined the water for a bit, kneeling down to test the temperature.

Tommy was about to head over to shove him in, but Kristin only touched a hand to his shoulder, sending him a look that clearly told him that now wasn’t the time. With a sigh, Tommy obeyed, the urge to push Tubbo into the water growing each second.

When Tubbo was satisfied with his study of the pool, he turned towards them with a wide smile. “Let’s get to work!”

It took some effort, but they lined the barrels next to the pool, making sure that they were lined up to roll down the pool edge. One was on the outer right side of the U, one on the outer left side, and the last one would be rolled down the bottom of the pool. This way they could get maximum coverage.

Seeing the size of the pool next to their tiny barrels, Tommy began to doubt. “Are you sure this is enough gasoline, Tubs?”

Tubbo looked over, a mad grin starting on his face, “don’t worry Tommy, I had the same thought.”

As if on cue (and way too conveniently), a helicopter sounded overhead. The four remained still, listening as it got closer and closer to them, stalling for a long five minutes or so before it finally left.

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy asked.

Tubbo skipped over towards an exit to a patio, carefully disabling the alarm before opening the door.

In the center of the patio, was a pallet of nine more barrels.

“How in the fuck did you get all of this?!” Tommy asked, dashing forward to examine the metal containers. “When did you organize this?”

Tubbo paused, trying to recall. “It was when I was contacting that dealer.”

Tommy shouted, completely lost, “why did we even go to meet up with that dealer if you already had these on the way?!”

“I needed twelve. Only nine would fit comfortably on the pallet.” Tubbo shrugged dismissively, “besides, I thought it’d be fun to grab the stuff on our way here. Scare someone as we walked here.”

“It was pretty fun.” Ranboo agreed.

“Then let’s have more fun!” Tubbo said cheerily, skipping over to the barrels and unlocking the strap that kept them together.

Together, they slowly worked to get the barrels inside and lined up on the edges of the pool, reusing the three four-wheeled dollies that they still had.

Once those were set up, they went around and popped off each of the lids, watching the gasoline pour into the pool, the barrels glugging as they replaced their contents with air.

Not wanting any major explosions, Tubbo had them move the empty barrels back outside, which took a lot less effort than moving them while they were inside.

The stench of gasoline mixed with chlorine was not pleasant, and they were very grateful that they had their masks on to cover the stench. The smell was fucking concentrated too since they were inside a building, so the masks didn’t do much, but they helped a little at the very least.

Tommy dashed towards the front of the building where the giant windows were, and shoved them up so that the outdoors were visible.

He scared a drunk pedestrian half to death as they were stumbling by, the movement of the blinds drawing their attention before they caught sight of a feral little raccoon child, all dressed up in similar villain attire to the infamous RaccoonInnit.

The pedestrian ran, pulling out their phone as they went.

Tommy decided to let them go. Crime was no fun without a little run in with the heroes after all.

He called to the others, “looks like we’re on limited time now, let’s get this baby lit!”

The others nodded in acknowledgement, still pushing empty barrels out the back door.

“Everyone outside,” Tubbo told them, “when the pool is set on fire, the initial heat is going to basically explode through the room at first, and it’ll probably cause second or third degree burns.”

Tubbo led them out, Kristin being the last one through the door as she poured the rest of a barrel out in a trail so they could easily light the pool from outside. When that was done, she tossed the barrel to the side, resulting in a loud series of clangs as it collided with the others.

They smiled at their work, proud of themselves.

“Lady Omen, would you like to do the honors?” Tubbo asked her, presenting a small matchbook.

“I would love to, uh-”

“Call me Vespa on the field.”

She smiled, “That's a great villain name. It suits you much better than Bumblebee.”

With that, she struck the match, the flame sparking to life and quickly burning through the thick paper.

But before she could drop it, they were interrupted.

“RaccoonInnit! You’re under-” A familiar voice started to announce, but they cut off quickly, “who in the world are these people?!”

The four turned around to see Trick; or as they knew his civilian identity to be, Fundy, was currently standing perfectly balanced on the top of the fence, just a mere ten feet away. It made sense for him to be here, he was on patrol tonight after all. Their sighting from the drunk pedestrian had been responded to in record time.

Trick could’ve gotten a decent sneak attack on them if he hadn’t announced himself, but then again, the trio now knew that they were basically practice dummies. They were invincible.

“Hello fox boy,” Kristin greeted with a smile, “I’m Lady Omen.”

She dropped the match, and the fire immediately spread, quickly trailing down the line until it met the pool. 

(Side note, I have no idea if the fire would actually do this, for the sake of fanfic I’m making it more dramatic)

The flames burst outward, and a wave of terrible heat rushed out the door to slam against the four, causing them to wince against it. Though it wasn’t as bad as it would’ve been if they were inside the building.

Trick brought the watch on his wrist that Tommy didn’t notice before to his mouth, staring in horror at the massive flames (no doubt recalling the fire that just occurred this morning at the abandoned building by the pier). “I’m gonna need some backup here. Send Philza, Blade, and maybe some water heroes. We have another fire. And it looks like RaccoonInnit made some friends.”

Chapter Text

“SCATTER!” Innit screeched.

All hell broke loose at Innit’s shout.

Kristin immediately flew upwards, Vespa ran to the right, and Ender dashed to the left. The two easily scrambled over the fence and sprinted into the maze of the city.

Innit decided to take the fun route, and instead of playing at Trick’s game of tag, he leaped towards Trick, surprising him.

Trick toppled off the fence at Innit’s weight, landing with a muted “oof”.

Since he was already here, he could take a second to fully admire how bad Trick’s costume was (it looks cool as fuck). Its design is simple, but still looks amazing on the fox-hybrid. A flat-faced orange and white fox-like helmet covered his face, but an electronic black screen showed his facial expression in yellow pixels. His usual soft fox ears were covered in their own armor attached to the helmet, protecting the appendages while enhancing their hearing if need be. The rest of his body was a simple armored bodysuit, perfectly fit against his frame, mainly in black, but his arms and feet were colored in orange, and his suit was highlighted with a soft sky blue. In Innit’s opinion, the coolest part of Trick’s entire ensemble were the razor-sharp black claws that extended from his fingertips.

Honestly, everyone should really value Innit’s opinion. He’s always right and never wrong. He’s just too poggers to be wrong. He’s also a child, no one can possibly say no to his big, beautiful, baby blue eyes if he fluttered his eyelashes in the right way (this is false. Many can say no to his “big, beautiful, baby blue eyes”).

Innit looked into his eyes and grinned, “catch me if you fucking can, furry boy.”

With that, he scampered past the neighboring building and down the street itself. Sure, he was in plain view for anyone to see, but there wasn’t really any danger in being caught anymore.

He could hear Trick shout, “I’m a fucking hybrid! By that logic, you’re a furry too, you fucking dick!”

But he couldn’t hear Trick’s footsteps nearing. Curse fox hybrids and their stupidly overpowered sneaking abilities.

Innit almost forgot that Sneak could literally be as quiet as he wanted. He hasn’t faced the fox hybrid in some time. Usually he was preoccupied by Philza or The Blade.

He sped up, trying to urge his short little legs to run faster. Considering he was stuck in a five year old body, he was actually surprisingly fast. Most likely thanks to his raccoon genes.

He veered left into an alleyway and up the wall, hoping to throw Trick off his tail for a second.

Once he reached the top, he turned around to peer over the edge and taunt Trick over how dumb and slow he was, but he saw nothing.

Right. Fox abilities.

Innit readied himself to start running again, hoping that he’d still be able to jump across rooftops, but before he could take off, someone grabbed him.

He was lifted off the ground by the hood of his hoodie. He clawed for his attacker's arm, his tail thrashing back and forth behind him as his ears pressed flat to his head in anger. Innit hissed and sputtered many profanities, but his attacker didn’t let go.

“What in the world…?” their voice made him pause.

That’s the voice of Philza motherfucking Minecraft.

Innit’s ears pricked up, and he turned to look up at his favorite person in the entire world (excluding Kristin. Phil was officially demoted). Philza looked cool as fuck, as per usual. A black crow mask covered the upper half of his face, his eyes hidden behind two tinted shades of glass that had steam-punk metal rims around them. His black wings draped behind him like a cape, which matched his black sleeveless turtleneck that had a cute pixel heart printed over his chest. Of course, he had his signature white and green striped bucket hat, which actually tied the outfit together since Philza wore parachute pants that matched the exact shade of green of his hat.

An animalistic chitter involuntarily rose from Innit’s throat, which he failed to choke down before it was too late.

“Kid. What are you doing here?” Philza asked him, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side in curiosity. “It’s dangerous to be out so late. There are villains about.”

Innit stared blankly at the man for a long moment, then suddenly screwed up his nose in disgust. “Are you daft, old man?!” Innit screeched, “I am the villain! I’m literally the hero's number one enemy!”

Philza shook his head, “definitely not. You’re three years old.”

Holy shit. My favorite hero is a dumbass.

“I’ll show you that I’m a villain!” Innit protested, wiggling like mad to try and loosen Philza’s hold on him.

“Oh, nice!” Trick's voice suddenly chimed in, “you caught him! I tried to follow his direction and took a shortcut to cut off his path, but he went over a fucking building instead of through the alley like I wanted him to. I should’ve expected it really.”

“Trick. This is a three-year-old.” Philza said in such a dad tone it almost made Innit giggle. He didn’t loosen his grip on Innit’s hoodie though, completely ignoring the way Innit dug his claws into his arms (he wasn’t aiming to hurt Philza too badly, he couldn’t bear it).

“Look at him, Philza.” Trick deadpanned, crossing his arms. “You can’t tell me that he doesn’t look like Innit.”

“I mean… he does, but he’s also a child.” Philza pointed out, he lifted Innit higher into Trick’s line of sight. “Look at him! Does this look like a number one beacon of chaos, or a kid that just has a resemblance to RaccoonInnit?”

“I am RaccoonInnit you fucking dumbass!” Innit insisted, increasing the force of his struggle.

“I seriously doubt that.” Philza said simply, then continued arguing to Trick about how RaccoonInnit was definitely not RaccoonInnit.

If Innit was in his teen body, he would’ve already escaped Philza’s hold. But he just… couldn’t. He was weak and small, and no matter how much he thrashed or kicked, Philza’s hold wouldn’t loosen.

There was even a point where Innit was able to reach Philza’s ribcage with his legs, and kicked the guy as hard as he could. But Philza didn’t even flinch.

He was about to give up. Then he remembered.

Lady Omen!

“You messed with the wrong villains tonight, old man.” Innit said ominously, allowing himself to stop struggling.

The two heroes stopped arguing at Innit’s sudden declaration, looking almost unnerved as he grinned at them.

Then Innit let out a high-pitched human scream that quickly became a more raccoon sounding one.

A call of distress.

“What is he doing?!” Trick asked, clamping a hand over Innit’s mouth and cutting off the scream.

“How do you expect me to know?!” Philza exclaimed, obviously distressed.

Several things happened at once.

A beat of wings alerted the heroes to a new arrival, but before either of them could react, a weight toppled Philza over, forcing him to drop Innit in surprise.

Partially distracted, Trick reached to restrain Innit, but Innit simply bit his fingers and scrambled away, glancing back to see Lady Omen wrestling Philza to the ground. Their wings beat against one another, both of them trying to catch wind so they could fly upwards, but with how hard they were struggling, it wasn’t working.

“Innit!” Omen shouted at him, “go help Ender! I saw The Blade chasing them!”

Innit nodded, even though he knew Omen wouldn’t be able to see it. As he started to race across buildings to search for his friend, he caught one last glance as Lady Omen suddenly pulled Philza into the air and out of the reach of Trick, who was approaching them to try and help Philza.

Innit quickened his pace, scurrying rapidly across the roof and leaping onto the wall of the next one, climbing to the top with ease.

Thank the ever loving primes for his raccoon abilities.

He could hear Trick shout in frustration when he noticed Innit was gone, and started to give chase, struggling to keep up since he couldn’t climb walls like Innit.

Thankfully it didn’t take long for Innit to find Ender as his friend let out a horrible echoing screech that seemed to stick in his head no matter which way he turned.

He shook his head, he heard the initial direction thanks to the start of the call, so he immediately changed his route, skidding a little before bolting to the left.

Innit leaped over three more alleys, then slowed his pace to peak over the edge of a building, spotting Ender being cornered by The Blade.

The Blade was approaching slowly, his axe put away. His voice was low and soft, like he was trying to coax Ender towards him.

Ender however, looked frightened and exhausted.

With how many purple particles flew around him, Innit could easily assume that he had been teleporting like mad to escape, but he clearly pushed himself to his limit.

Innit prepared to leap down, instinctually, his tail wiggled in preparation to pounce, like a cat would. A death wiggle, he believed it was called.

He didn’t dare process this fact, and instead leapt down, aiming for Blade’s shoulders.

“Don’t touch Ender!” He hissed as he hit his mark, causing Blade to grunt in surprise, but he wasn’t taken down by Innit’s sudden weight.

“Innit!” Ender cheered.

“I’ll deal with this fucker! Find Vespa!” Innit shouted.

But before Ender could run off, Trick had finally caught up, and leapt down from the rooftops. Landing directly in front of Ender and cutting off his escape out of the alleyway.

“Why the fuck are you all children! And since when have you had a mom?!” Trick yelled, “I thought you were orphans!”

Ender shrugged, “life changes.” Then he tried to bolt between Trick's legs, but was easily caught and yanked to a stop as Trick grabbed hold of his hood.

Any conversation that might’ve happened was immediately cut short as the Blade threw Innit off of him.

Innit hit the side of the building with a surprisingly loud thud. He whimpered as he fell to the ground. He couldn’t breathe, his body was desperate for air but he couldn’t drag it into his lungs. His limbs were in complete shock as he processed what had just happened.

His little body wasn’t built for such a hit. But at the same time, kids are pretty resilient, so somehow he wasn’t dead on impact. As much as he wanted to cry out at how his body thrummed with heat as blood rushed to fix his surely bruised back, his muscles and bones felt as though he was… well. Flung into a building. 

Finally, he was able to take in a sharp breath, his body deciding to work with him once more. He curled onto his side, his back facing away from his audience as he focused on trying to breathe normally. It hurt like hell to move, but it was also comforting in a way.

However, this could be incredibly useful.

It’s time for a little guilt trip.

Innit forced a wheezing breath from his throat, which started to stutter into a gut-wrenching chitter. Aiming to sound like he was hurt to the point of death. Then he secretly took a deep breath, but pretended to let all the air out of his lungs.

He let his body go limp, then remained as still as possible.

A long pause ensued. He could feel the heroes stares, but he was about to be the best actor of all fucking time.

Ender suddenly screamed, “INNIT!”

Innit could hear a struggle, a curse from Trick, then Ender’s small footsteps running towards Innit’s side.

“Innit?” Ender asked, his voice wobbling.

Innit, knowing that his arm that was currently pinned beneath his body would be out of sight of the heroes, gave Ender a quick thumbs up and a hand signal to roll with it. The quiet sigh of relief from Ender almost made him feel bad for tricking his friend into thinking he was dead.

Ender understood immediately, and signaled this to Innit by subtly tracing the letters O and K on the closest of Innit’s arms.

He collapsed onto Innit’s body with a loud sob, still trying to keep most of his weight off of Innit so he didn’t cause any more pain. “Innit! Wake up! Please wake up!” Ender cried out, his voice thick with grief as it cracked and softened. “We have so many plans… so many fun things to do together.”

Holy fuck, Innit is being out-acted. Ender is way better of an actor than he is.

Innit will take that fact to his grave before admitting it out loud.

To out-act Ender, Innit stayed so dead, he might as well be dead.

With a feather-light touch, Ender carefully brushed Innit’s hair from his forehead, then cupped his little hand on Innit’s cheek as though he was hoping to either rouse Innit or just look at his sleeping face one last time.

Ender let out a horrible, pained wail into the night sky. He tried to cradle Innit to his chest, but at Innit’s quiet hiss of pain, he settled to just move so he could rest Innit’s head in his lap, brushing his fingers through his curls as his sobs softened to a silent cry.

There was a very quiet hiss during this, and every once in a while, Innit could feel a tear fall splash onto his cheek. Ender was going all out, crying on demand and forcing tears to drop despite the fact that he literally gets burned from the damn things.

“Ender-?” Trick broke the quiet mourning.

Without a word, Ender bent down to kiss Innit’s forehead in goodbye, then carefully set Innit’s head back on the ground. By the sound of his footsteps, Innit could guess that Ender stood up by now.

Suddenly, Innit could hear him whirl towards the heroes, his tail accidentally hitting Innit as it lashed back and forth in mock anger.

“He’s dead.” Ender hissed, dangerously quiet.

There was a pause that lasted much too long, the heroes unsure of what to say.

Ender screeched in rage, “YOU KILLED HIM!”

“W-what?” The Blade stuttered out in shock, “no- I didn’t- I didn’t mean-”

“You killed my best friend!” Ender cut him off, his voice starting to break.

“We can take him to the hospital, he can’t be dead.” Trick insisted in disbelief, stepping forward.

Ender hissed, forcing the hero to stop in his tracks. “Does it look like he’s breathing?! Does it look like a three year old could survive being flung full-force into a wall?!”

“Ender, it’ll be okay. There’s still some time-” Blade tried to sooth him, but Ender wasn’t listening. He let out a monstrous scream, the same type that rang in your ears and seemed to stick in your head.

During this, apparently The Blade and Trick had silently communicated something between themselves, and before Innit could even process what was happening, someone lifted him into their arms, tucking him close to their chest and keeping a gentle but firm hold on his head to support it. Simultaneously, he could hear Ender screaming at them to stop, but Innit thinks he was picked up too, based on the fact that his footsteps suddenly vanished.

When Innit was lifted, it was so sudden that he couldn’t keep in a pathetic little whine of pain.

The person carrying him suddenly stilled, and angled Innit up so they could press their ear to his chest.

Welp. The jig was up now.

Innit opened his eyes, and attacked the first thing he saw, which happened to be Trick’s head as the man tried to listen to Innit’s heartbeat. Innit couldn’t bite the dude’s head with that dumb helmet on, so he opted to bite Trick’s shoulder as hard as he could, then wiggled himself out of Trick’s shocked grasp, dashing back towards Ender and flinging himself onto The Blade when he saw the man holding a struggling and screaming Ender to his chest to keep him from attacking Trick. His back burned with the fury of the sun, but he desperately ignored it in favor of saving one of his best friends.

Innit caught The Blade off guard, bit his arm, then quickly leaped back off the man, grabbing Ender’s hand and sprinting as fast as he possibly could to book it out of the alleyway as Ender dried the tears off his face with his free hand, beaming as they ran.

They barely dodged around Trick, but just as they were about to exit onto the street, fucking Vespa appeared at the mouth of the alleyway, obviously angry as he followed Ender’s terrifying screams of fear and grief. Vespa didn’t know it was an act after all.

Innit simply grabbed Vespa’s hand too, and together the trio ran down the street.

“What the fuck did I miss?! Who died?!” Vespa asked as they ran.

Innit sent him a mad grin, “me, bitch!”

“Nice!” Vespa said simply, giving Innit a high-five as he understood the vague answer. “That was some insane acting Ender! I genuinely thought you were grieving over someone!”

“Thanks, man! I forced myself to believe Innit was dead!” Ender laughed, “that’s definitely not going to haunt my dreams for the next week!”

Innit changed the subject by shouting at them, “why the fuck didn’t we bring our cars?!”

“It’s more fun to run!” Vespa replied, his voice filled with excitement, “Besides, this is mine, Omen’s, Ender’s first official outing! Most of the time, I’m the chair guy that no one sees, and Ender is your emergency escape! This is good for us to get seen and chased around!”

Innit laughed, “you’re crazy, Vespa!”

“Hell yeah I am!”

Without warning, Trick suddenly sprinted from an alley in front of them, still looking slightly traumatized from Innit and Ender’s acting, but trying to keep a level head about it.

The trio skidded to a stop, still holding one another’s hands as they faced the hero.

The Blade’s footsteps caught up behind them, causing Vespa to whirl around to face him. He pressed his back to Innit’s, and the two pulled Ender to face his back against theirs as well, forming a rough circle.

“Can we pause for a second here?” The Blade asked, surprising everyone.

Usually the hero was pretty merciless when it came to villains, causing the most harm out of all the heroes. Though there are times that the injuries he causes are not intentional, like Innit being flung into a wall (this has happened before, but those were times when Innit wasn’t stuck in a three year old body. Those times didn’t hurt even half as bad as this one did).

The villains didn’t speak, keeping their eyes sharp for any sudden movements.

Blade relaxed his posture, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to show that he wasn’t a threat at the moment. “I just want to know why the top three villains are suddenly toddlers.”

“Oi!” Innit shouted at him, ready to argue that they weren’t that young, but Ender beat him to it.

“We’re not toddlers. If anything, we’re probably around three years old, and toddlers tend to be around one or two. We just… look like kids.”

Trick hummed in contemplation, resting a hand on his hip and also forcing his body to look more relaxed and less ready to attack the trio at any given second. “And your brains obviously didn’t get any younger either. So whatever you did is only an external effect.” He shook his head, “though that doesn’t explain how you suddenly got a mother. You three have been pretty adamant from day one that you’re orphans.”

“Heh?!” Blade sounded, “bro- you’re telling me you’re not orphans anymore?! I literally named my axe the “Orphan Obliterator” , how am I supposed to explain that anymore?!”

Innit cooed, “aw, you named your axe in honor of us? You shouldn’t have!”

“Did you not process the Obliterator part?”

“Let’s not get into that.” Trick interrupted. “How did this de-aging even happen? Is it permanent or just temporary?”

“We’re not telling you, bitch boy!” Innit exclaimed, earning himself an approving nod from Vespa.

“I will tell you that our new teammate is not our mother.” Vespa said, “her name is Lady Omen, and-”

“She’s the poggest woman in the whole fucking world!” Innit cut him off excitedly.

“She is very cool.” Ender agreed.

“So you just met this random woman and asked her to join in on your villainy?” Trick asked slowly.

“Basically, yeah.” Vespa replied, “like my friends said, she’s pretty fucking cool.”

Speak of the devil and they appear.

Out of nowhere, rocketing towards them in a flurry of snapping wings, came Lady Omen and Philza. They were still fighting, but Omen was clearly winning this battle as she slammed Philza into the ground, dazing him.

Lady Omen’s hair was wild and loose at the top of her head, smaller baby hairs frizzing out at the adrenaline-inducing movements of a fight. She was panting heavily, but she looked like she was having the time of her life.

She hopped off and away from Philza, coming towards the trio with her usual kind and easy smile, ignoring the fact that they were now surrounded by heroes.

“Is everyone okay? I heard some heartbreaking cries while I was up there, but Philza wouldn’t let me go check on you.” Lady Omen said, sending a glare to the man in question.

Trick and Blade were so shocked when Omen and Philza came barreling to the ground that they completely froze for a minute. Now they were spurred to rush towards Philza’s side to make sure he was okay.

“I played dead!” Innit said proudly, showing off his amazing acting skills that Ender did not in any way actually make it believable (Ender is the only reason it was believable in the first place).

“I cried!” Ender added with just as much energy as Innit. “I’m going to be emotionally scarred for life!”

“Meh,” Innit shrugged, “Ender’s acting was alright. Those idiots believed him.”

“I cried for you!” Ender argued, “at least give me some credit! Do you know how much it hurts to cry when you’re enderian?! It’s not pleasant!”

“Stop being such a bitch about it.” Innit said with a roll of his eyes, “you’re-”

“Innit.” Kristin cut him off with a warning tone, giving him a look that told him that he was being way too harsh.

Sheepishly, Innit looked to the ground, wringing his hands together as guilt filled his very soul. “Sorry Ender…” He apologized without much of a fight, “that was too mean. You did good, big man.”

“You being nice will never not be weird to me.” Ender stated, but shook his head. “Thank you for the apology. You did good as well. You made a… um- very believable dead body.”

Kristin sent them both a warm smile, making a sort of pride fill their chests. It felt good to know that someone was proud of you for something as simple as apologizing.

Innit could get used to that feeling. If he could make Kristin proud with something that can be so easy, maybe he could get into the habit of being nicer, or apologizing sooner if he hurts someone's feelings. Even if he doesn’t mean to.

He shook his head aggressively. What the fuck?! Where are these thoughts coming from?! Since when does he want to try being nice? He’s the biggest and coolest man ever! He’s learned his life lessons already! Why is his stupid baby brain trying to change all of that?!

“I dunno about you guys,” Vespa cleared his throat to break the softer moment, “but I’m kinda hungry. Are any of you up for getting some pizza or something?”

“Can we get spaghetti?” Ender asked, perking up at the idea of food.

Innit groaned, “Ender, full offense, but I can’t stand watching what you decide to put in your spaghetti. You’re like Buddy the elf. You would be the person to add maple syrup to noodles.”

Ender shrugged, “it’s honestly not that bad. I made the entirety of the meal from the movies. But I don’t recommend it.”

“That’s disgusting, big man.” Vespa said with a wrinkle of his nose.

“If I promise to just eat regular spaghetti, can we please get it? I haven’t had it in weeks.” Ender pleaded, threading his fingers together in a begging motion.

“I know a great recipe if you would prefer a home cooked meal.” Omen piped in, “we can stop by a grocery store on our way.”

“Can you four stop talking about dinner plans?!” Trick suddenly demanded, pulling their attention back towards the heroes where Philza was now being helped to his feet by Blade. “We’re literally in the middle of battle!”

Innit shrugged, stepping forward. “I dunno, the winners feel pretty clear to me. Face your loss, furry boy.”

“For the love of Prime, stop calling me that.” Trick groaned, “if anyone is a furry around here, it’s you. You’re the weirdest hybrid I know.”

“Okay, and? L plus ratio plus you fell off. Not my fault.” Innit replied simply.

“What the fuck does that even mean?!”

Blade laid a hand on Trick’s shoulder, “don’t bother, Trick. The lingo these days never makes sense. You just have to use it and hope it fits.”

“Why would I do that?!”

Blade shrugged, not bothering to elaborate. “C’mon, let’s just go home. Philza is injured from the fall, we should bring him to medical and make sure nothing’s broken.”

“I’m not that injured,” Philza assured them, glaring lightly at them. “You speak as though I’m old and frail.”

Vespa leaned towards Innit’s ear and loudly whispered, “isn’t he in his like- late eighties?”

“You little shit!” Philza exclaimed, his head whipping towards the villains, “I’m only in my thirties!”

Innit nodded solemnly, “he’s very old. I’ve heard rumors that he’s actually as old as the earth itself.”

“Human life has not existed for that long!” Philza insisted.

“Depends on if you’re going by religious rules or evolution rules.” Vespa pointed out casually. “Either way I’d believe it. You’re practically dust at this point.”

“You’re all terrible,” Philza said with a tired sigh, “that’s it. I’m going home. Congrats on your win, we’ll arrest you some other day or whatever.”

With that, Philza launched himself into the air and flew off towards the heroes tower.

“Our lord has spoken.” Innit said with a solemn nod, saluting to Philza as he flew away. “We have won this battle once again. We’re simply too talented to ever lose.”

“Blade?” Trick suddenly asked, “how morally wrong would it be to kidnap a villain who’s a feral child?”

Blade hummed, thinking to himself for a moment. “Morally? Horrible. Other than that, it’d look pretty bad. The public definitely wouldn’t take it well if word got out.”

Lady Omen stepped forward, flashing them a strained smile as though she was holding herself back. “If you lay a single fucking finger on these kids, you will answer to me.” She told them, her voice light despite the threat. Though she’d never actually hurt her own children. Even in her fight with Philza, it was obvious that they had both been trying to do minimal damage to the other. Philza didn’t like hurting anyone, villain or otherwise, unless he knew the full extent of their crimes and abilities. Kristin, on the other hand, simply loved her family and didn’t want to cause them harm, even when she was acting as a villain.

She turned around to face the trio again, “how far are the cars from us?”

“Cars?!” Trick gasped, “they’re three!”

Kristin ignored him, “I can fly us over there if you’d like.”

“Yes please,” Ender said, his voice thick with exhaustion. “I teleported too much trying to escape The Blade over there. I think I’ll explode in a flurry of particles if I teleport again.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t explode then.” Omen said with a gentle smile.

She crouched down, opening her arms as an invitation for the trio.

They didn’t hesitate for a second. Tubbo carefully climbed onto her back, making sure to not pull at her hair or dig his hooves into her. Ranboo snuggled himself into her left arm, a smile on his face as he looped his hands around her neck, weaving his arms through Tubbo’s so neither of them had to let go. Tommy snuggled himself into her right arm, relishing in the scent of dark roses and something that reminded him of the night itself.

Kristin stood back up, not struggling to hold the extra weight in the slightest. She nodded to the heroes and ominously told them, “see you soon!”

Before they could reply, she lifted off the ground with a beat of her mighty wings, pulling her and the trio into the night sky, flying them away to safety and soon, a warm meal.

---------

They made a stop at the grocery store, remaining in their villain gear and ignoring the gasps of fear as they casually strolled inside.

Kristin grabbed a cart for them and helped them into it, then weaved her way through the store like a woman on a mission.

After all, they needed to get out of here before the heroes were called to stop them yet again.

The boys were too tired to cause any real mischief, though Tommy would lean precariously out of the cart to steal random things to stuff in his hoodie. Each time he was caught by Kristin, but she simply shrugged and allowed it to happen.

It was a corporate business after all. If they’re not going to pay their employees, then they’re gonna lose money in other ways.

Tommy had to admit that it hurt a lot to move around, but at the same time he couldn’t stay still. There was still too much energy running through him despite his body fighting against his hyperactivity for rest. His back stung terribly, sore and definitely bruised after his collision with the wall.

Tubbo and Ranboo sleepily leaned on one another throughout the shopping. Ranboo looked worse for wear in the eerie fluorescent lights of the grocery store. His skin, even though it was all black and white, somehow looked paler than it should be, and even with Ranboo’s sunglasses, Tommy could still see that there were concerningly dark and heavy bags beneath his eyes.

The series of teleportations really took it out of him.

Tubbo looked fine though. He didn’t have a personal one on one with the heroes tonight, so he was spared most of the overextension of his body. Though he couldn’t avoid the exhaustion of the rush of adrenaline from crime and being chased. He’d definitely run around a lot tonight.

Tommy couldn’t see Kristin’s face and judge her on her exhaustion. He knew his friends like the back of his hand. They were brothers after all. But Kristin is still new to him, and he still had to learn all of her microexpressions and movements.

However, Tommy could at least tell that she was tired too. Based on how she was walking a little slower than usual, and the fact that she was slouching ever so slightly.

Kristin was a fast shopper though, and soon enough she had a mix of spices and ingredients for homemade spaghetti.

She made her way up front and greeted the person at the register like it was a completely normal night.

The cashier seemed a little afraid, but they also looked as though they had seen it all, and were so used to it by this point that life was simply gone from their eyes. They helped Kristin bag her groceries, not bothering to scan them since they knew that these villains would be out of here quicker if they didn’t put up a fight.

For their trouble, Kristin had Tommy sneak around the counter and secretly stuff a couple hundred dollar bills into the side of their shoe since they weren’t allowed to receive tips, even at the threat of a villain. 

Next thing Tommy knew, they were back outside holding grocery bags in their arms while Kristin took off into the night sky once more.

No heroes chased after them.

--------

Tommy parked his car with a yawn, clambering out of it and leaning heavily against Kristin’s leg as she joined them again. She had to detransform and dress into casual wear before she could enter the parking garage, but she was back with them quickly enough. She seemed surprisingly undamaged as well, though Tommy wouldn’t be surprised if she had more than a couple bruises from her fight with Philza.

She chuckled, “do you need to be carried upstairs, or are you fine on your own?”

Tommy shook his head in silent response, too stubborn to be carried up a few flights of stairs. He was already carried to his car, he could do the last stretch on his own.

“Can you carry me?” Ranboo asked, his voice so soft it could’ve made a heart break. “Please?”

Kristin only leaned down and scooped him into her arms, pressing a short kiss to his forehead before tucking his head into the crook of her neck.

Tubbo stayed on the ground with Tommy, choosing to lead Kristin to their apartment.

Tommy groaned when he saw that there was still an out of order sign on the elevator. This would’ve been a great time to actually use the thing for once. Then again, the elevator has been out of commission almost the entire time the trio has lived here.

They walked up the stairs and soon enough stumbled into their apartment.

Tommy shut the door behind them with a sigh, pressing his back to the door intending on sinking down it to sit on the floor, but as his back touched the wood, a sharp stab of pain ran up his spine, causing him to hiss as he stepped away from the door. Instead he opted to lay face-down on the floor, groaning miserably into the carpet that was most likely disgustingly dirty.

Kristin messed around in the kitchen, every once in a while, she’d let out a surprised but amused laugh. Probably not expecting to find so much kitchen supplies.

What could Tommy say? He likes to steal. Besides, people throw away too many useful things. So Tommy just gives them a second chance of life.

Tubbo approaches Tommy and kneels at his side. “Ranboo tells me you got thrown into a wall. How bad is your back?”

Tommy groaned in response, prompting Tubbo to lift away Tommy’s shirt. 

Tommy heard his friend hiss sympathetically. “Is it really that bad?” Tommy asked, his voice muffled with his face pressed to the floor.

“I’m afraid so…” Tubbo told him, “there’s not much we can do for bruises other than rest and wait for them to heal on their own.”

Tommy whined pathetically, “you mean I can’t commit crimes?”

“It’s best if you stay home for a couple days.”

“Who am I if I can’t cause trouble!” Tommy huffed dramatically. “Oh woe is me! For I am nothing without the sweet embrace of chaos. This is so not poggers.”

“You started that really poetically there. It was almost impressive.” Tubbo observed out loud, “then you ruined it by saying poggers.”

Tommy glared at the boy, “you’re ruining my moment here.”

“Tubbo?” Ranboo interrupted, poking the goat hybrid on the shoulder, “can we start planning for our next outing?”

Tommy grinned at the boy, only able to look at Ranboo from the corner of his eye as he kept his cheek on the floor. “The addiction to crime spreads!”

“Oh hush you.” Ranboo stuck his tongue out at Tommy before turning his attention back to Tubbo, “it was just really fun to run around with you guys. Even if it was a little scary for a minute there. Being cornered by The Blade is a terrifying experience.”

“At least he wasn’t attacking you.” Tommy said with a shrug, immediately regretting said shrug as his bruised back throbbed with a fresh wave of pain. “It looked like he was trying to calm a wild animal.”

“My teleports weren’t working as well as they should’ve.” Ranboo admitted with a shake of his head, “I was too panicky to actually focus on where to teleport, so I’d only get a little away from Blade before being cornered by him again.”

“That’s okay boob boy.” Tommy tried to search for a hold on Ranboo, to which the boy leaned down to hold Tommy’s hand with a roll of his eyes. Tommy gave him a pat of pure comfort, because everyone loved Tommy’s presence at all times and he was the most comforting guy he knew. “It was your first outing. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.”

“I wish I could, but it’s difficult.” Ranboo sighed, “you make it look so easy.”

“I make everything look easy.”

Tubbo placed a hand over Tommy’s mouth, stopping him from blabbering on about how fucking poggers he is. Tubbo’s just too insecure to know the truth.

“Off-topic, and I hate to admit it,” Tubbo started, ignoring the fact that Tommy was trying to lick Tubbo’s hand in order to force the boy to release him. “But I’m actually lost on what to do next. My bigger plans won’t work when we’re like this. At least- I want to save them for when we’re back to normal.”

“That’s new.” Ranboo said with a hum, “you’re never without a plan of what to do next.”

“Can you blame me? I’ve kinda been distracted with the whole potion issue.”

Tommy finally maneuvered his mouth enough to get a chance to bite Tubbo’s hand, causing the boy to flinch away. “Have you made any progress on that? I’m starting to miss my actual body.”

“You’re still in your body, Tommy.” Tubbo pointed out as he cradled his bitten hand to his chest, “it’s just younger.”

Tommy groaned, “I was so so handsome though. All the ladies were swooning for me left and right!”

“More like they were running away.” Ranboo snickered, “you’re too chaotic.”

“This is bullying and I will not stand for it!”

“You are lying down right now. So I guess that’s correct.”

Tommy cursed him out, ignoring the way Ranboo was laughing about it the entire time. 

Tubbo and Ranboo stayed around Tommy and kept him company while he was stuck remaining in one place. Occasionally, Ranboo would wander off to ask Kristin if she needed help with anything, but he’d always come back after a short while.

They tried and failed to brainstorm some ideas of what to do next, but they were struggling. Robbery sounded boring, vandalism would be fun but it wasn’t the big crime they all wanted, breaking and entering houses would be nice, but they only did that to targeted fools. Like Quackity. But Ranboo told them that he wasn’t quite ready to break into such a well guarded casino, and Quackity had won their favor for at least a week or so.

Their planning got them nowhere but before they knew it, Kristin called them to dinner.

Tommy struggled to stand up, but he slowly wandered towards the blissful smell of home cooked food.

Kristin shooed them all back to the living room to sit around the coffee table since their dining table was too small and was currently covered in random shit. She especially made an effort to keep Tommy in one place so he didn’t strain his injuries even further.

They ate their dinner together, and Tommy wasn’t expecting to be moved to tears by a meal of spaghetti, but here he was, his eyes watering as he ate probably the best warm meal of his life. It wasn’t pre-frozen or in a can or from a restaurant, or even a shit attempt of cooking by himself or his friends.

Tommy forced himself to eat slowly, resisting the urge to scoop the entire plate into his mouth. He wanted to savor the moment, to really taste the beautiful blend of herbs and spices. When he finally opened his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of his friends eating slower than usual as well, most likely doing the same as Tommy was. Kristin was already finished with her meal, but she watched all three of them fondly, her elbow resting on the table so she could hold her cheek in her palm.

“Thank you for dinner, Kristin.” Tommy said, breaking the silence over them. “I don’t know how you made this, but it’s really fucking good.”

Tubbo and Ranboo chimed in with their own thank you’s before turning back to their plates.

Kristin gave them a warm smile, “I could always teach you the recipe. It’s really one of the easiest meals to make, you just need to know your spices.”

Ranboo perked up at that, his tail flicking with interest as he looked her way, “I’d love to take you up on that offer someday. I’ve always wanted to learn to cook something properly.”

She nodded, “consider it done.” She took a breath, straightening up, “I heard you three were trying to make plans for your next big outing.”

“Do you want to help us brainstorm?” Tommy asked, still chewing a bite of spaghetti, “we could definitely use a bit of inspiration.”

Something gleamed dangerously in Kristin’s eye. “I have the perfect idea. But it’ll take a bit to put it together properly. Can you three keep yourselves occupied for the next few days or so?”

“Depends,” Tubbo said, his eyes squinting in curiosity, “what’s your idea?”

Kristin grinned, “I know how much you love the heroes. What if I told you, I can get you three inside the heroes tower?”

The trio’s jaws simultaneously dropped.

Tommy spoke first, slamming his hands on the table in pure excitement, “you can do that?!”

“Of course I can. I’m the wife of the number one hero.” Kristin told him, her eyes dancing with amusement. “I just need to introduce the idea of you three and get you some access cards. I’m certain I can sneak a couple out of heroes pockets so that they’re blamed for whatever trouble you three get up to.”

“Kristin. I don’t care what anyone else says,” Ranboo speaks up, “you are the best person to ever grace this earth.”

Tubbo cleared his throat, “don’t get me wrong. I love this idea but, how in the world would you get us inside? We just made our debut as child villains. I’m pretty certain someone would recognize us.”

“You’ll be civilians in there.” Kristin replied simply.

“People will still recognize us.” Tubbo pointed out calmly, spinning his fork on his plate for another bite of his meal. “We’re very distinct characters. Even when we went to the thrift store, people called the heroes on us because Tommy looked like RaccoonInnit.”

“I covered for you. Though I will admit that it’ll be more difficult to get others to believe that you’re different people now that you’ve been in the field again.”

“Darn!” Ranboo cursed suddenly, lightly slamming their fist on the coffee table. “If I were in my teenage body I’d be able to alter our memories and make it seem as though we didn’t even know what RaccoonInnit was!”

Tommy gawked at him, “why in the world do you have that ability?! What would that even be used for?!”

Ranboo shrugged, “I dunno. Maybe we’d take away one of our memories and get purposefully caught by the heroes. Then the one who forgot would be “saved” since the other two were villains and they never realized. If they’re brought to the heroes tower for questioning or to be held in safety, then we’d have someone who could cause havoc on the inside, as well as break into the tower and steal whatever gizmos and gadgets they find. Then they could save the other two when they’re taken to the prison.”

“How would that even work?!” Tommy squawked, his tail puffing up.

“You could revive the memories with a simple phrase or something.” Ranboo replied simply, as though it made perfect sense.

“No offense man,” Tommy started his sentence, which was dangerous since he was probably about to offend the guy, “but that doesn’t make any sense. There’s so many things that could go wrong with that plan. If I’m the one saying that, then you know that’s an issue.”

Shockingly, what Tommy said wasn’t all that offensive.

“I think it’d work just fine.” Tubbo butted in, “the heroes are pretty predictable. It’s a shame we can’t go along with it.”

“I can still get you inside.” Kristin chuckled at their petty squabbling. “We can just make some disguises for you. Dye your hair and hybrid features with temporary dyes. Ranboo can be fully enderian, Tubbo can get some sort of wig if he doesn’t want to dye or bleach his hair, and Tommy, we can temporarily get your hair brown and darken the tones of your tail and ears. I’m certain that will help disguise yourselves for quite a while. It’d give you enough time to cause as much trouble as you’d like, and see how long you can stay until you’re sussed out.”

“That would be fucking amazing!” Tommy cheered, his tail swishing wildly behind him in excitement, “I want to steal weapons from the blade!”

“You could get that signature you’ve always wanted as well!” Tubbo pointed out brightly. “Maybe you could get Philza to sign whatever weapon you steal.”

“Tubster, you are a genius my friend.”

They chatted with one another for a while longer, excitement and a newfound adrenaline rushing through their veins. They’d have to wait a few days of course, but they can easily keep themselves occupied.

Kristin had to leave after dinner, and the boys promised to clean up so she could go home earlier. She told them that she’d be back in three days, and if anything happened to simply contact her and she’d be there.

She left their apartment from the balcony, jumping off and out of sight before spinning upwards into the air as her wings caught her from her fall.

With one last wave, she flew back home, leaving the boys on their own.

They cleaned up their dinner and said their goodnights, each of them marching off to their own bedrooms.

Tommy trudged into his room, sleep already threatening to consume him as he clumsily took off his villain gear and traded it out for some footie pajamas that were made to look like a raccoon body (he got them during the thrift store trip with Kristin due to Tubbo daring him to get them. Surprisingly, Tommy found that he actually quite enjoyed them). He smiled at the recollection of that thrift store trip and how they met Kristin for the first time. She really had changed their lives drastically within barely any time at all.

With a happy little purr quietly building in the back of his throat, Tommy collapsed into his bed, curling himself into a little ball of blankets and a warm fluffy tail as he tucked it around his body.

His purr continued even as he drifted into a quiet slumber.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up with a prime damned mission on his mind.

He threw off his blankets with a steely determination before he marched out of his room and into the living room, ignoring the harsh sting of the muscles in his back protesting any movement.

Tubbo and Ranboo were already awake, taking an easy morning sipping on hot drinks and watching cartoons.

Tommy paused, his original mission temporarily forgotten, “is that coffee?”

Neither of his friends seemed surprised at his sudden appearance, and Tubbo supplied a short, “no, I think we’d get heart attacks if we drank that.”

“It’s hot chocolate!” Ranboo piped up with an excited smile. “I think Kristin bought some for us while shopping yesterday! I found it in the cabinet while looking for something to eat.”

Tommy’s tail showed his own excitement at the discovery as it swished in wide motions, and he quickly scrambled towards the kitchen.

“There’s hot water on the stove!” Ranboo called out behind him. “We don’t have any milk so that’s the best we can do!”

Tommy climbed up a chair that someone left in the kitchen to use as a stool, and he found that there was already a packet of hot chocolate and a mug left on the counter for him.

They haven’t had hot chocolate in ages it seemed, and the idea of pure chocolatey sugar for breakfast was an offer that was too good to pass up.

Tommy made his drink, and joined his friends on their shitty couch.

“So,” Tubbo started, taking a sip of his drink. His tiny hands were barely able to fully grasp his cup. “You’re up early, and you seemed weirdly energetic when you came to find us. What’s up?”

“RIGHT!” Tommy suddenly recalled, having to put his cup down so he could stand up. He just couldn’t stay sitting, not while he was introducing his genius ideas. He clapped his hands together, the sound sadly disappointing and small since his child body felt weirdly clumsy. More so than usual.

Meh. He’s sure it’s nothing to worry about.

“I had a dream last night!” Tommy announced proudly, ignoring the fact that Tubbo was rolling his eyes. “Because of this dream, I am led to believe that we are destined to go to the park today!”

Tubbo and Ranboo stared at him for a long moment.

Ranboo’s tail flicked, and he carefully put his mug down on their coffee table (it took longer than usual, he was too short to reach at first and had to awkwardly scoot his way forward until he could actually reach it). He blinked at Tommy as though he was thinking of what to say, “we’ve been to the park. There’s nothing there aside from the playground. Tubbo’s already warned us to not give into our child-like tendencies.”

Tommy adamantly shook his head, “not that park! We have to go to the big one with the lake! There’s-” Tommy paused, searching for the right words but nothing came, “we just have to! I have a good feeling about it!”

“What would we even do there?” Tubbo asked, trying to pry any sort of usefulness that it could bring. “You’re still injured, and I doubt you can run if it comes down to it.”

“I can run!” Tommy insisted, he was feeling better than yesterday after all, he would just have to keep to shorter distances. “You don’t understand, Tubbo! We have to go to the park today! Please Tubster?”

Tommy decided then and there that this was a situation that called for desperate measures. He clasped his hands together, pitched his brows as sadly as he could, and jutted out his lip ever so slightly. If he squints hard enough, he can force his eyes to water, which is a perfect final touch that tends to push people over the edge of giving in.

Tubbo’s hard stare remained in place until Tommy’s eyes started to water, then he finally sighed, “fine. We’ll go to the park today.”

Tommy cheered at that, jumping into the air in celebration of his win. 

He’s the fucking greatest!

“I swear to prime this better be worth it Tommy.” Tubbo grumbled, turning his attention back to his cartoons.

“I think it’ll be fun!” Ranboo supplied, he’s always happy to be dragged along. He just wants to be included, and he is because he’s cool in Tommy’s eyes. Or at least he’s cool enough. After all, no one could ever be as cool as Kristin. Or Philza. Though Kristin clearly surpassed him at this point.

Content in his win of deciding what they should do today, Tommy happily sat down again, cradling his hot chocolate in his hands and watching whatever cartoons danced across the television screen.

---------

Tommy hated the feeling of his tail being hidden away beneath his clothing, his tail was always trying to move and wiggle with his emotions, so it just wasn’t comfortable in the slightest. Currently it was wrapped around his waist, tucked beneath the waistline of his dark blue jeans. The odd lump it formed was then covered by his pink hoodie that was just a little too big for him, but it worked. He was forced to wear a plain, white, baseball cap too, to keep his ears hidden away.

Tubbo and Ranboo were luckier when it came to hiding their hybrid features, they didn’t have a massive, fluffy tail to tuck away. But they needed to keep on the downlow today. It hadn’t escaped their attention that people tended to be cautious of them over their hybrid features. Especially Tommy. There’s a good amount of raccoon hybrids in the world, but thanks to Tommy’s reputation, people tend to be wary of them.

Tubbo had tucked his tail into a matching pair of jeans like Tommy’s, a green button up shirt that was buttoned wrong, leaving one button without a hole to pop into, and causing the shirt to lump up and expose a tiny part of Tubbo’s stomach. He hid his big ears and tiny horns beneath a yellow beanie that didn’t go with his outfit, but whatever, having a bad fashion sense just made it more believable that they were kids.

Ranboo had to don his old sunglasses and mask again. He sort of stopped wearing them when they turned into children. Usually the accessories would never be removed, and they would kinda… melt into his face while he was fully hybrid? Ender definitely needed more than a mask or glasses to disguise himself, there weren’t many other hybrids like him out there after all. But he hadn’t made a super big name for himself like Tommy did, not yet at least. So they should have a little bit of time before they would have to find more creative solutions to hide while Ranboo is unable to switch to his human form due to him being a child. Ranboo had to wear his purple hoodie too, flipping the hood up to hide as much of him as possible. His tail wrapped easily around his waist, and he had tried very hard to convince Tommy and Tubbo to let him wear jorts, but they didn’t allow it. If he did, it’d make the rest of his disguise pointless, so they convinced him to wear a pair of black jeans instead. The last part of Ranboo’s disguise was a white beanie that they had found buried in a closet, making sure to tuck most of Ranboo’s hair and his ears beneath it.

“It’s too warm to wear all this…” Ranboo whined as they walked into the park.

“Blame Tommy, he’s the one forcing us to go outside when he’s supposed to be taking it easy.” Tubbo grumbled, shifting the blame with ease.

“Oi! It’s not my fault!”

“How is it not your fault?” Tubbo asked with a raise of his brow.

Tommy opened his mouth, then pressed his lips together, thinking for a long moment. “We’re here because of my dream, which means that some higher power gave me that dream.”

Tubbo gave him a flat look, “Tommy. I love you, but that’s bullshit.”

“It’s not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Is-” Tubbo got cut off as Ranboo gently slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Both of you, quiet.” He snapped, though he lacked even a twinge of anger in his voice.

Tommy sighed dramatically, “you’re so boring, Ranboob!”

“Don’t call me that! You- uhm” Ranboo trailed off, clearly trying to think of a name to call Tommy without cursing.

“Bitch.” Tubbo supplied for him.

“Yes, that.” Ranboo agreed, sticking his tongue out at Tommy.

“Mimimi I’m a little baby who can’t curse mimimi.” Tommy mocked him, crossing his arms over his chest with a pout.

Tubbo sighed, “where is Kristin when we need her?” He pleaded to the sky, then turned his attention back to Tommy. “Stop arguing with Ranboo and tell us where we need to go.”

“Oh, right!” Tommy exclaimed, then ran ahead, pulling to a stop when he reached the lake and wandered towards the edge.

Something felt right being here, they had to get whatever thing was here and calling him. Tommy just knew it.

Tubbo and Ranboo caught up and stood at his sides, watching the still water that reflected the clouds on its surface.

Then, out of the blue, a group of ducks landed in the water only a little ways away.

The trio sat down at the lake's edge to watch the birds swim, giggling at the little orange legs churning in the water.

One of the ducks caught sight of them, and paused completely. It’s black beady eyes staring into their souls for what felt like the slowest minutes of Tommy’s life. The duck was much smaller than the others, probably a third of their size. Bright white feathers covered their body, and their tiny orange feet were so cute that Tommy couldn’t help the small purr of delight that left his throat. His tail strained to wiggle happily, but Tommy smothered the damn thing to his chest to keep it from exposing him as a hybrid.

The duck swam closer, and as it neared, they realized that its gaze was glued on Tubbo. It quacked softly at him, and Tubbo slowly kneeled down and held out a hand near the water, coaxing it nearer. “Hey little guy.” Tubbo said in the gentlest voice Tommy’s ever heard from the guy. “Don’t be scared, we won’t hurt you.”

The duck tilted its head, its tail wiggling super quickly in the way only a duck could manage. It quacked again, and surprised them all by nuzzling its head into Tubbo’s palm, asking for pets.

Tubbo cooed at it, a quiet, happy bleat escaping him. “You’re just a big sweetheart, aren’t you?”

The duck quacked loudly at him, as though it were saying, “yes, I am the biggest sweetheart of all time.”

A shout interrupted them, “OI! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING TOUCHING THE WILDLIFE?!”

The three turned, seeing a very angry looking old man-Karen marching towards them. His face was completely red, and he looked kind of dumb approaching a couple kids in such a hostile manner.

“What the fuck is this angry, entitled piece of shit doing in a park?” Tommy asked out loud, not quite meaning to speak his thoughts.

By the time he said it, the man-Karen was close enough to hear, his brows furrowing impossibly further. “Your parents failed you if you’re speaking such foul language.” He bit out at Tommy.

Now that made Tommy mad. For one thing, he didn’t have any fucking birth parents. Secondly, how dare this asshole insult his non-existent birth parents!

Tubbo laid a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, obviously upset himself but trying to remain calm for the moment. Tommy stayed quiet, though he glared at the man-Karen, his nose twitching slightly.

“Excuse me sir,” Ranboo brought the attention towards himself, “why are you screaming at us?”

The man-Karen seemed to get even more mad at the fact that Ranboo had asked such an oblivious question. “Are you stupid?!” Though he did not say the word stupid. He said something far worse. Something that’s considered as the r-slur.

Ranboo flinched at the word as though it physically harmed him.

Tommy knew that Ranboo didn’t come from a good place, and was constantly bullied by others around him just for looking different. Not to mention he had a very bad memory issue. There’s no doubt in Tommy’s mind that that word had been used against him many times.

Both Tommy and Tubbo took steps to hide Ranboo behind them, fury starting to flare in Tommy’s chest. “How dare you say that to him! That’s a slur you fucking asshole!”

“You kids these days are too sensitive, it’s not my fault you weren’t taught to toughen up.” The man-Karen hissed. “It’ll do you all some good to hear the truth now.”

“Primes dude, you’re disgustingly toxic to yourself.” Tommy said, scrunching up his nose in disgust. “Whoever you were raised by did not teach you that your emotions need to be released in a healthy manner instead of being all pent up in you.”

“You don’t tell me what to do!” The man-Karen snarled at them, stamping his foot on the ground like an actual child would.

Tommy was almost impressed that this adult man was acting more childish than the three literal five year olds in front of him.

“Look sir,” Tubbo said through gritted teeth, trying his best to remain polite. “I don’t understand what we’re doing wrong. We’re literally five years old.”

“Now that is how you treat your elders. I am above you and you must respect me.” Man-Karen nodded, as though he actually approved of something in his fucked up mind. “You must be the brains of your little gang here then. Tell me, young man, what does that sign read?”

Man-Karen pointed behind himself, right at a sign on a brick wall. It was shiny and clearly new, with a black silhouette of a duck and a hand reaching towards it, and a big red circle and cross over the image.

Though looking at the sign was… weird. Tommy’s heart sank to his stomach as he realized that the words had started to look foreign to him. He could barely remember what each letter was supposed to sound like. What happened to his reading comprehension? Surely it was at the fault of the sign manufacturers and not this whole potion problem. Right? They just… mixed all the letters up. Yeah. That was it.

He glanced worriedly at Tubbo, but he seemed perfectly calm, most likely not seeing what Tommy was seeing. This was bad. Very bad. This would have to remain a secret then. He can’t let his friends worry about him, there’s enough stress on their shoulders. Just as long as they never ask him to read anything to them it should be fine!

Tubbo blinked and looked back up at the man, “sir. I’m literally five years old and orphaned. I can’t read, you prick.”

The man’s eyes widened in shock, and he looked as though he was on the brink of a heart attack. Though, seeing as it was a fucking privledged old dickface shouting at a group of children in a park, he was most likely only shocked by Tubbo’s name calling.

His face was so red, it’d probably go purple within minutes here.

Thankfully, the little white duck seemed to have enough of this and quacked loudly, causing the old fuck to stop whatever bullshit was about to come out of his mouth.

The old man looked down with a glare, ready to speak again, but he never got the chance.

In a terrifying flurry of white and orange, the white duck flew up and into the face of the man with an angry rush of squawks. The old man screamed, trying to whack the duck off of him, but this only angered the duck, and he made a loud call of distress, causing all of the ducks in the lake to charge forward out of the water, throwing themselves onto the man in a chorus of honks and hisses.

Their little white duck friend calmly hopped off the man as his friends swarmed around them, waddling back up to the trio with what looked like a pleased smile.

Tubbo kneeled down, grinning from ear to ear at the little thing and reaching forward to pet it. But the duck had a different idea, as it unexpectedly leaped into Tubbo’s arms and happily snuggled itself into Tubbo’s chest.

Tommy has never seen Tubbo look so elated over something.

“I’m going to call you…” Tubbo trailed off, staring at the little white duck in his arms. “Benson.”

The duck craned its neck to look at Tubbo, and stretched forward to nibble at Tubbo’s chin, squeaking in what sounded like approval. 

“I think I have a new fear of ducks…” Ranboo said uneasily, taking a step back from both Benson and the attacking flurry of ducks.

“Don’t be such a baby, Ranboo.” Tubbo teased, holding Benson out at him. “Look at Benson! He’s so cute and innocent!”

Behind the mask and sunglasses, Tommy couldn’t see Ranboo’s expression, but he could guess by the enderian’s body language that he wasn’t very pleased to have an armed weapon so close to his face.

Benson seemed to sense Ranboo’s discomfort, and hissed at the boy, stretching forward to snap his beak at Ranboo’s face. 

Ranboo narrowly escaped the attempted murder, stumbling back with a gasp. “That thing is evil, Tubbo! Put it back!”

“He is not an it!” Tubbo protested, cradling Benson back to his chest. “I love Benson now! You can’t ask me to get rid of him!” He lifted the duck so he could stare deep into its cold beady eyes, “if he wants to go, then I’ll let him. But that decision is his.”

With that, Tubbo gently placed the duck back into the grass. “Alright, c’mon you two. Let’s head back home so Tommy doesn’t hurt his back anymore.”

“I’m fine, Tubbo. It doesn’t even hurt!” Tommy lied, y’know, like a liar.  

Tubbo gave him a deadpanned look, then lifted an arm and lightly whacked Tommy’s back.

The strangled whimper that followed was all the proof Tubbo needed, “bullshit.”

“Fine. Let’s go get some rest or whatever.” Tommy grumbled, his tail flicking in annoyance under his jacket. “Though let it be known that I knew we had to come here today. I didn’t think we’d get verbally attacked by some privileged fucking twat, but I think we came here for that thing.” He pointed at Benson, who was happily waddling along behind them as the trio started towards the entrance of the park. 

Tubbo glared at him, “Benson is not a thing. You’re being disrespectful to my precious baby boy.”

“He attacked Ranboo!”

“Only because I held him out to Ranboo’s face! He just got confused, that’s all.” Tubbo argued, gesturing wildly with his arms between Benson and Ranboo.

Benson, seeing that Tubbo was having a clear disagreement with Tommy, ran forward and attacked Tommy’s ankles, causing him to scream as he picked up his pace to a run to escape the white-feathered evil.

Behind him, he could hear Tubbo calling out for Benson to come back between cackles of laughter, but Benson continued to attack Tommy, flapping his wings in preparation for flight.

Tommy screamed, pushing himself to run faster, his back starting to protest as the muscles overworked themselves.

He could hear Benson behind him the entire time, just inches away from slamming his full duck body into Tommy’s.

Tommy ran home in fear, continuing on even when Benson finally stopped pursuing him. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and watching Tommy with his cold, beady eyes.

It only spurred Tommy to run faster, his back screaming at him by this point. But he didn’t care, his life was in danger after all.

Before long, Tommy had made it back to the apartment, panting heavily as he slammed the door shut and backed away to a wall, unable to take his eyes off the entrance to his home.

He ripped off his hoodie and bunched it into a ball in his hands, ready to throw it if Benson tried to attack him again. His tail was fluffed up to its maximum size, trying so hard to make his tiny body look threatening.

The door opened before long, Ranboo stumbling inside and joining Tommy at the wall as he tore off his sunglasses and mask and threw them on the coffee table. He cowered along with Tommy, subconsciously linking their hands together and grabbing on tight.

Tommy was about to ask him what happened, but Tubbo appeared moments later, a content Benson balancing on his head. Tubbo locked the door behind himself, humming a little tune as he gently picked Benson up and placed him on the ground. “Go explore the apartment, little guy. You’ll live here most of the time if you want.”

“He can’t live with us Tubbo!” Tommy hissed as the devil duck waddled down the hall, trying to keep his voice low. “That duck attacked us!”

“Only because you’re mean to him.” Tubbo said, a slight pout on his lips. “He’s only defending himself.”

“Defending-” Tommy groaned, muttering a string of curses under his breath, “he attacked us unprovoked. You act like we were trying to hurt him!”

“Words hurt a lot. I’m not surprised he lashed out when you called him evil and referred to him as a thing.”

“Whatever.” Tommy muttered angrily, “my back hurts so I’m gonna take a nap. Keep that fucking prick away from me.”

With that, he pushed himself away from the wall and out of the living room, having a small standoff with Benson as they met in the hall. But Tommy was relatively close to his room, so he gave the duck the nastiest glare he could muster, then ran inside, locking the door behind him for safety.

From there he tucked himself into his little nest of blankets, curling into a little ball and trying to find a position that didn’t hurt his back.

With a little sigh, Tommy quickly drifted off to sleep, bound to have a nightmare with Benson in it.

They should’ve never gone to the park today.

--------

Quackity jumped from the roof, aiming for the fire escape on the floor he wanted. His wings were barely big enough to catch the air and slow his fall, but if he really tried they could lift him a decent way into the air. Other than that they were pretty useless considering Quackity didn’t use them as often as he should. He’s a duck hybrid, and despite the fact that those fuckers were able to fly with ease, he’s barely able to fly for more than half an hour. He probably didn’t get to use his wings enough as a kid for them to gain the strength or size necessary for flight, but he doesn’t remember his childhood, so he’s unsure of his theory. Yada yada, tragic backstory and all that.

Over the years, he’s learned how to make the most use of them, so he found it relatively easy to maneuver himself along as he fluttered downward.

He landed on the fire escape, and made sure to peek into the window and confirm this was the correct floor (he did not want a repeat of last year, he almost got whacked off the landing by a scared person. Which was fair on their part but not on his). When he was sure, he knocked on the window and waited patiently.

It didn’t take long for Ranboo to open the window for him, a wide and excited grin on their face that made Quackity’s heart melt.

His bird brain longed to throw all three of these kids into a nest, declare them adopted, and never let them leave his sight. But he knew that the trio would never allow that, so he was forced to fight the instincts off every time he was near the three.

It’s not my fault that they’re tiny baby birds! They’re so small and defenseless! His bird brain cried, but he shoved the thought away, forcing himself to look at ease as he smiled at Ranboo.

“Hey, Ranboo!” Quackity greeted cheerily, “ready to find your cat?”

“Hell yeah I am.” Ranboo said, a determined gleam in his eye. Quackity could tell that the kid was trying so hard to look serious, but his little chubby cheeks had quite the opposite effect.

Ranboo gestured for Quackity to come inside, but as he stepped through the window, he was met by a tiny, questioning, quack.

Ranboo jumped and backed away, his eyes wide as they stared at a tiny white duck that stood right in front of Quackity, peering up at him curiously.

Quackity smiled, climbed the rest of the way in the window, then slowly crouched down, clearing his throat to attempt a little quack of his own.

He rarely made his instinctual hybrid sounds, so he wasn’t surprised that the greeting sounded a little hoarse, but the duck seemed to approve of it.

“That’s Benson!” Tubbo’s voice suddenly chirped in, one of his goat ears flicking in his own silent greeting. “He’s my new friend! We met him today at the park when an old man screamed at us.”

Quackity’s heart practically leaped into his throat, a wave of anger thundering inside of him. “Who screamed at you.”

Tubbo waved him off, “don’t lose your head, Quackity. We’re fine. Benson called his duck friends and they all swarmed the guy. Benson decided to stay with me after that.”

Quackity leveled a look at the small duck, using a series of quiet quacks so that the boys wouldn’t understand, “you better not try to steal my kids. I’ve informally adopted them. But thank you for taking care of them.”

His duck language was probably off by a lot, but he hoped that Benson understood at least a tiny bit. After all, it’s not common for hybrids to speak in an animal tongue, but Quackity was a shapeshifter, he could become a full duck at will if he wished. It just made sense that he could speak and understand duck. Though he’d never get bigger wings than he already had. Whatever is wrong with his body, it doesn’t allow him to fly as much as he should no matter what form he’s in.

Benson nodded at him in understanding, letting out a quiet quack that Quackity roughly translated to, “I like them. The ones called Ranboo and Tommy fear me. The Tubbo is my favorite.”

“I can tell. Ranboo is literally cowering in the corner over there.”

Benson glanced over in Ranboo’s near direction, causing the boy to flinch. “I bit him. He said that I’m bad for chasing the Tommy.”

“Benson, please don’t traumatize my boys.”

“Do they know that they’re your boys?”

Quackity elected to ignore that question, straightening as his cheeks reddened and his wings fluffed up in embarrassment.

“You can speak duck?!” Tubbo screeched, “what’d he say? Is he happy? Does he want to stay here?”

“I- uhm…” Quackity glanced at Benson, who quacked in agreement. “He said he likes you, and that he’ll stick around.”

Tubbo cheered, kneeling down and opening his arms for Benson, who immediately ran over and buried himself in Tubbo’s chest with a contented little purr. Tubbo hugged him close, his face falling to something more serious as he muttered, “if anything happens to you, I will kill everyone in the world.”

“That’s not the quote…” Ranboo whispered from the corner, but a squawk from Benson made him snap his lips shut before he ran towards Quackity and hid behind him.

Quackity chuckled, starting to brush his fingers through Ranboo’s hair to comfort him before he remembered that that was too soft of a gesture and quickly adjusted to ruffle Ranboo’s hair instead.

Don’t be soft.

Don’t be soft.

Don’t be soft.

Quackity repeated the phrase over and over again in his head. If his insane bird brain keeps fighting to show all his affection outright, he’s going to have a very hard time with the ever living battle in his head that insists on adopting the kids by force.

Kidnap them and then love them until they don’t want to leave. The bird in his brain insisted, too stupid to realize that the boys would never allow that in the first place. Also, Quackity would feel horrible if he did that. 

He’s told himself ever since he met Tubbo and Tommy the first time, they’d have to come to him first. That’s the rule.

But then they added Ranboo to their group, and instincts became annoyingly more difficult to fight against. The more there were, the more Quackity felt as though he was looking at a trio of small, lost ducklings.

“Quackity?” Ranboo asked, pulling Quackity out of his wandering thoughts. “Are you alright? Your wings are fluffing up again.”

Quackity mentally shoved his bird brain into a trashcan and kicked it off a cliff, then turned to Ranboo, a pleasant smile on his lips as he forced his feathers to relax. “I’m fine, Ranboo. Let’s be on our way, shall we?”

“Where are you going?” Tubbo asked as he brushed through Benson’s feathers.

“We’re going to get Ranboo his cat.” Quackity supplied, waiting for Ranboo to slip on his disguise of sunglasses, a mask, and a hoodie before he started to shoo Ranboo out the door. “I promised I would, after all. Say hi to Tommy for me.”

“I won’t!” Tubbo called cheerily.

With that, Quackity shut the door behind them, and led Ranboo down the hall. “Where do you want to go? Nearby shelter? An alley nearby?”

“Let’s go to the shelter.” Ranboo said, tucking away his tail before jogging up to Quackity and taking his hand.

Quackity almost stumbled in shock. The boys, in all his time of knowing them, have never once held his hand before. Or even tried! This was the most precious moment of his entire existence. A once in a lifetime opportunity.

All too soon, Ranboo suddenly slowed, pulling Quackity to a stop along with him in the hall. He was staring at their hands held together, clear surprise on his face. “I- I didn’t mean to-” he went to pull his hand away, but Quackity tightened his grip. Not in a way that forced Ranboo to stay, but just enough pressure to assure Ranboo that he didn’t have to remove his hand.

“It’s alright.” Quackity replied, trying not to melt into a puddle of absolute fucking goo at how adorable this all was. “I don’t mind.”

He started forward once more, going through the door that led to the stairs since he had a feeling that the elevator would still be “under maintenance”.

“Are you sure?” Ranboo asked, his voice soft and ever so slightly shaky. “I don’t know why I grabbed your hand. I’m not- I don’t normally do that unless it’s Tubbo or Tommy.”

“Well, it might be the potion having effects on you.” Quackity said, humming in thought as he led Ranboo down the stairs, having to go very slowly down the stairs by taking the steps one by one, placing both feet on each stair before carefully reaching to the next to account for Ranboo’s short legs. “I bet kids usually take an adult’s hand for stability. Or maybe you just trust me, I don’t know. Kids are… odd little creatures.”

“Did you just refer to children as creatures?” Ranboo giggled.

Quackity shrugged, “yeah, why not? Humans are weird, children especially.”

“Fair enough.” Ranboo replied as they finally reached the first landing. He slowed down to rest for a second, and in that time, Quackity pulled out his phone and shot out a quick message to Slime before slipping it back into his pocket. Ranboo stared down the next flight and groaned, “Quackity? If you don’t mind, can you carry me down? This is taking forever.”

Quackity’s heart fluttered with pure joy, “of course.” He said calmly, internally fighting against his bird brain as it quacked happily.

Awkwardly enough, as Quackity crouched down to pick Ranboo up, he realized he didn’t know how to carry a child.

I’ve seen people carry their kids on their hips, but how do you pick them up to do that? Where the fuck does my arm go? Is it under the butt? Around the shoulder? How do I carry a tiny fucking human?

Apparently, his struggling showed, and Ranboo laughed, “Quackity, no offense, but you suck at this.”

“I know…” Quackity groaned, “but to be fair, in my line of work, I don’t really interact with kids.”

“It should come naturally to you.” Ranboo said, pushing his sunglasses to rest on his forehead and pulling his mask down, looking directly into Quackity’s eyes for a second before his gaze focused on his eyebrow instead. “I know you’ve always thought of us as your kids. Ever since we first met. Don’t try and tell me that your parental bird instincts aren’t going nuts right now.”

Quackity sighed, there’s really no use in trying to argue against it. His affection for the boys has always been blatantly obvious. “I’m sorry if that weirds you out, I try really hard to not act on my stupid hybrid instincts.”

“They’re not stupid.” Ranboo said seriously, “it shows that you genuinely care about us. I think it’s sweet. Secretly, Tubbo and Tommy like it too. They just refuse to say anything about it because they’re afraid of being abandoned again.”

“You’re really exposing them right now, did they mess with you too much again?” Quackity asked, trying his best not to scream in joy over the fact that his boys didn’t mind his blatant care for them, even though they verbally protested against it. “I’ll talk to them if you’d like me to.”

Ranboo chuckled, “No, they’ve been very good about not taking their teasing too far. I’m very happy being their friend. I’ve never felt so at home before.”

Quackity didn’t try to stop the smile that came from hearing that. “That’s good. Great even. I’m so happy for you, Ranboo.”

Ranboo smiled back at him, then raised his arms and wrapped them around Quackity’s neck to cling onto him. “Now that we’ve had our heart to heart, carry me. Stairs are stupid.”

Quackity chuckled, but he still froze when he tried to pick Ranboo up again.

“Stop thinking about it.” Ranboo told him, “Just let your instincts take over for a minute.”

Quackity took a deep breath, forcing himself to think about business or something. He couldn’t clear his mind completely, but he could at least distract himself.

He thought about how Slime would be waiting for them. About his plan and how he hoped it would work.

The next thing he knew, Ranboo was sitting comfortably against his hip while Quackity descended the stairs rapidly.

On the very last flight, he ran and jumped off the top stair, flapping his wings to slow their fall as Ranboo screeched in excitement.

With a chuckle, Quackity practically skipped through the lobby of the apartment and out into the city, right over to his car parked out front. It looked like Schlatt had just arrived, Quackity left before him and called Schlatt to pick him and Ranboo up since the man had to finish up a meeting with some shady people before he could drive Quackity around the town.

Quackity’s good friend Schlatt stood guard with it, casually leaning against the car door and keeping a sharp eye out for anyone that could have it out for Quackity. He’s a good looking guy, Quackity would admit. He’s not attracted to him, but he’s not blind. Schlatt is a ram hybrid, just like Tubbo (though nobody knew that Tubbo’s actually a ram hybrid aside from Schlatt and Quackity, who immediately looked at the kid who called himself a goat hybrid and knew otherwise. How Schlatt knew this? Now that is something Quackity didn’t know, perhaps it was just because he was a ram himself). Though Schlatt and Tubbo didn’t look much alike aside from their hybrid lineage. And similar hair.

Schlatt’s horns were a cool light brown that wrapped around his furry, white, ram ears, standing out against his darker brown hair. He had thick mutton chops, which had definitely become one of his most recognizable features. Brown eyes with ram-like pupils that stretched horizontal across the sclera. He typically would wear a black suit and a red tie, and today was no different (he had a white tail too, it was super fucking cute because it tended to wriggle around a lot and show his emotions, but he always hid it because of that). 

Having Schlatt around was Quackity’s best form of security. For some reason, the guy just had the vibe of ‘evil’ that was impossible to ignore. People tend to keep out of his way and most of the time no one dares to approach the angry looking hybrid.

Quackity couldn’t risk running around the town without someone to keep an eye out for him. What can he say? He’s a popular guy, but there’s not a lot of people that enjoy his company. People are more likely to be angry at how Quackity owned a casino than anything else. Though Quackity would argue that people would hit jackpots a bit more often than most places. It’s the reason why his casino is so popular. The more wins his machines give, the more people tend to come by and spend their own money. 

It definitely helps that Quackity has multiple five star restaurants inside, who have reasonably priced food that’s still high quality. Then of course he has a regular club, and an… adult club. Entry fees for both of those tend to earn quite a bit of cash as well.

There’s also a gift shop! He loves a good gift shop.

Schlatt, seeing Quackity approach, flicked his ram-like ear in greeting before slipping into the driver's seat of the car. Quackity slid Ranboo inside first, then himself, letting Schlatt drive for them.

Ranboo immediately caught sight of a new item that now lived in Quackity’s car. 

A black and white booster seat.

“Quackity… why did you buy that?” Ranboo asked in an unimpressed tone.

Quackity blushed, forcing his wings to remain folded and to not fluff up as he lied, ”Slime forced me to buy it.” He caught Schlatt’s raised brow in the rearview mirror, and Quackity could tell that he wanted nothing more than to expose the fact that Quackity was the one who forced him to stop at a store before they got here, just so he could buy the booster seat.

Ranboo sighed, but clambered into the seat, buckling himself in and muttering, “I bet there’s two more in the trunk.”

“No comment.” Quackity said, then gestured for Schlatt to drive.

They moved through the city quickly (thanks to Schlatt, who’s quite an interesting driver. Hot-headed and always going an average of fifteen above the speed limit). Ranboo stared out the window the entire time, spacing out as buildings and people flashed by. Quackity remained quiet as well, pulling out his phone to send another message or two to Slime and telling him to do exactly what Quackity had told him to do earlier and to not fuck this up for them.

They arrived at the shelter within ten minutes, though it was supposed to be a fifteen minute drive from the boys apartment to here.

Schlatt remained in the driver's seat, shutting off the car and pulling out his phone to make it look like he was distracted, but Quackity knew that his eyes were really on the people around them, ready to pull a machete or gun from wherever he hid them to defend himself and his boss.

Quackity slipped out of the car, holding the door open to let Ranboo follow him out. Ranboo slipped his disguise back on as Quackity led Ranboo to the entrance, and together they pushed their way through the doors. The excitement on Ranboo’s face before he hid it away made Quackity want to cry, it’s so fucking adorable.

The lobby was very simplistic, gray tiled floor, cat decals on yellow walls, hard chairs lining the sides, and a chest height counter with enough space for several people to work on the computers behind it. Though only one receptionist sat behind the counter, her attention mostly on her computer. She had light brown hair that fell to her shoulders, fluffing out at the bottom. As well as dark eyes that Quackity couldn’t tell the color of. They were brown, but grey at the same time, and maybe green? It was hard to pick out a single color. She wore a nice red cardigan over a white blouse, and rectangular glasses that suited her face perfectly. (This is not a specific character from the dsmp, just a rando).

Quackity approached the counter, Ranboo’s hand once more slipping into his as he tried to stand on his tiptoes and peek over the counter. Silently, Quackity simply picked him up and flashed a smile at the receptionist. “Hello, I made an appointment to meet the cats you have available for adoption. The name’s Alex.”

“Alex… Malice?” The receptionist asked with a raise of her eyebrow, probably finding the last name to be odd.

He could feel Ranboo looking at him in a mixture of confusion and amusement, but the boy luckily didn’t comment just yet. “Yep! That’s me.”

The receptionist nodded, then sent a kind smile towards Ranboo, “I’m guessing you’re the lucky little guy getting a kitty today?”

Ranboo nodded shyly, leaning closer into Quackity as though he wanted to hide.

“Cats can be a lot of responsibility,” they warned, though not in a rude way as she typed some information into her computer, “do you think you can handle that?”

“I can.” Ranboo said with a serious nod, gaining some confidence as he spoke once more, “I’ve been wanting a cat for so long, I’ve done all my research and I pinky promise that I will love my cat with all my heart.”

The receptionist giggled as they glanced at Ranboo then back at their computer, “I’m sure you’ll do fine then. What’s your name?”

“Ranboo.”

“What a lovely name,” she commented sweetly, then stood from her computer chair, “you and your father come with me, I’ll take you to where we keep our cats.”

As the receptionist turned, Quackity following as she gestured for them to follow her behind the counter, he saw the odd look Ranboo was giving him. His face flushed in embarrassment as he muttered, trying to keep his voice quiet so the receptionist didn’t overhear, “what? I can’t just tell them that this is my random child friend. They’d think I’m a creep.”

“Okay fine, but what about the name ‘Malice’?” Ranboo asked, a little teasing smile heard through his tone, “what kind of last name is that?”

“I panicked! Don’t judge me!” Quackity hissed.

Their conversation stopped as they entered through a door and found themselves in a room lined with metal cages, each one holding a fuzzy ball of fur. Quackity placed Ranboo on the ground, ruffling his hair before nudging him towards the first row of cages.

Ranboo peered into the first cage, and Quackity could feel more than see the happy smile Ranboo had as he admired the creature inside. He did this to each cage as he went down the first line, greeting each cat and sometimes poking a finger through the bars to pet them if they were especially friendly.

The receptionist gestured with her head towards some chairs along the front of the room where the door was, and Quackity followed her over, taking a seat and watching Ranboo fondly. 

“New dad?” The receptionist asked, her eyes also on Ranboo.

Quackity could feel his wings fluff out and his face burn, but tried not to choke on his spit as he forced a chuckle, “is it that obvious?”

She laughed, “just to me I think, I’ve just gone through the adoption process myself. My spouse looks at our kid in the exact way you look at little Ranboo over there.”

Only now did Quackity finally glance down at the nametag on their shirt, finding it to say, ‘Jules she/they/he’.

Quackity sighed, “I’m still in the process of adopting, actually. There’s so much more paperwork than I thought.”

Jules groaned in agreement, “I know right? The world is so desperate to make people adopt kids and then they turn around and make it the most difficult process in the world. Which I completely understand why, but it’s just frustrating to go through.”

“Tell me about it.” Quackity said with a nod, “at the end of the day, I’m letting the kids decide whether they want me to adopt them or not, but I’ve always been afraid they’ll say no.”

“More than one?” Jules asked, then shook her head as though the question wasn’t important, “based on the way Ranboo is so comfortable around you, I’d say they partially consider you their dad anyway.”

“Really?” A spark of hope flashed in Quackity’s chest.

“I can’t say for sure, but that’s how I see it.”

“Well-”

Quackity was cut off from what he was about to say as Ranboo suddenly asked, “excuse me, but what sort of… cat is this?”

Quackity stood, his heart doing a leap in his chest. This is it. This is his cue. He has to make Ranboo adopt this cat.

He heads over, acting curious over Ranboo’s discovery.

But as he peered into the cage, all he wanted to do was shout at the idiot he put on this mission.

Sitting on a small blanket, was a green, semi-translucent cat. He had glasses on his nose, and a stupid smile that just looked wrong seeing as cats didn’t typically do that. He was in the best cat shape Quackity had seen him try by far, but he clearly didn’t have any bones except for two that swirled around in his stomach.

His friend and right hand man, Slime, is a fucking idiot. Quackity should know better than to put him on the job, but Slime was the only one who could shapeshift like Quackity, though the way Slime did it was more like molding a piece of his body to a certain shape.

Jules suddenly appeared at his side, her lips pressed in a line as she stared at the “cat”. “Number 87. Yeah, someone found him on the road this morning, he looked starved and half dead. We assumed he was some sort of weird science experiment, but then he started-”

“Meow!” The cat said, sounding like a human saying the word meow. “Meow! Ha ha! I’m a cat! Meow meow!”

Jules let out a sigh, “that.”

“Meow! This is a thing all cats do! I am a cat!” Slime said cheerfully, looking at Ranboo, “meeeow! Meeeow! Hello friend I do not know! I am a cat! Please adopt me! Meow!”

“Well,” Quackity started in a false cheery tone, “that’s certainly not seen before. How interesting. Ranboo, wouldn’t that be such a cool cat to have?”

Ranboo wrinkled his nose, “he’s all… goopy.” Then he leveled a look at Quackity, “I feel like I know a guy who looks oddly similar.”

“Meow! A human who is like me?” Slime asked, “wow that’s so crazy! I bet there’s not many like me out there! I’ve been told that I’m one of a slime- I mean- kind! Meow!”

“You think he looks like Slime?” Quackity asked, faking surprise and confusion. His acting would have to be really fucking good if he was to convince Ranboo that he didn’t put Slime up to this. “I guess I can see the similarities, but Slime isn’t a shifter. The most he can do is split himself into duplicates.”

“Wowie! Meow meow!” Slime piped in, for once understanding that Quackity was trying his best to cover up their plan. “That sure is interesting! I can’t do that, I’m just a little guy! Meow!”

Ranboo sent him a disbelieving look, “I swear to prime that that’s Slime’s voice.”

Quackity screwed up his nose, “definitely not. Slime is my right hand man, I’d recognize his voice immediately.”

Quackity could see the moment Ranboo became a little more uncertain of his conclusion. His brow pitched in worry as he glanced between the slimy cat and Quackity. Quackity almost felt bad, but this was for their own good. He needed to keep an eye on his boys, and this was the best way to do so without invading their privacy.

The plan was supposed to be simple. Disguise a part of Slime as a cat, have a shelter take him in, get Ranboo to adopt him. From there, Slime could report what was happening around his cat self directly to Quackity, seeing as he was in complete control of his body when it was split. He has the ability to be in multiple places at once and simultaneously have completely separate conversations and still understand what happened in both of them.

In short, Slime had some of the most powerful abilities Quackity has ever seen, but can still be an absolute dunce.

Quackity didn’t want to pry too deeply into the kids' lives, he just wanted to know if they were in trouble or not. He just wanted to protect them.

Suddenly, Ranboo crossed his arms in front of his chest and Quackity could feel the glower he was receiving. “You said I’d get to choose my cat.”

Quackity tilted his head and crouched down to be eye level with Ranboo, confused, “you are choosing your cat, Ranboo. What makes you think I’m forcing you to adopt this one?”

“I can see it in your eyes. You want me to adopt this weird… thing.”

Quackity forced himself to not panic, faking a nonchalant shrug instead. “Not at all, I just think it’d be cool to have a cat that’s so different from the others.”

“Then why don’t you adopt him, if you like him so much?”

“You know I don’t like pets, Ranboo. I can’t take care of them properly. I’m just too busy.” He glanced at Jules, who seemed a little confused. Probably because he wondered, if Quackity couldn’t handle a pet, how could he handle kids? To amend this, Quackity quickly added, “you and your brothers are already such a handful, and on top of that, I have an entire business to run.”

Thankfully Ranboo didn’t blow their cover as he said, “Dad, I don’t feel a connection with this one… I’m not even sure it’s a cat. It’s… talking.”

Honestly, Quackity almost missed everything Ranboo said, too scatterbrained over the word, “Dad”. The duck in him squeaked in pure joy, a sound that almost escaped Quackity himself as his wings fluttered. He choked back the sound just in time, clearing his throat. “Hear me out, son. Since this is the most unique cat we’ve ever seen, if you agree to get this one, you can have two cats.”

Ranboo’s posture changed immediately, almost bouncing on his heels, “really?!”

Internally Quackity sighed, “of course. We can consider this one mostly mine, but if Tubbo or Tommy like him, then they can claim him as their own. But you three will have to work together to take care of two cats instead of one.” Quackity held out his hand for a handshake, “do we have a deal?”

Ranboo shook his hand without even a second of hesitation, “I get to name both of them!” Already sealing their deal before Quackity could object.

Though Quackity would never argue against that. “Sounds fair to me.”

With that, Ranboo dashed to the next cage, continuing his search for a second cat.

“You’re weaker for your kids than my partner is.” Jules mused, her arms crossed in front of her.

Quackity chuckled, “I know… but if you saw him do puppy eyes at you without the mask and glasses, you’d give in too.”

“I don’t know… I’m pretty immune to kids trying to butter me up. I’m a teacher most days, though I like volunteering here every once in a while if I can.”

For a few more minutes, he chatted with Juli, making small talk, but trying to remain entertaining as he did so. Their conversation led them into pet care, and Quackity learned quite a lot about taking care of cats. And jokingly how cats are creatures that are probably closest to the devil in blood. Evil and deathly cute at the same time.

They were pulled out of their light conversation by a happy enderian croak and a soft purr. Ranboo was poking his fingers into a cage, a beautiful, black, fluffy cat rubbing her face against him. Her eyes were a brilliant amber, almost glowing with how bright they were against her dark fur. The second brightest part of her was her pink little nose, which twitched as she rubbed against Ranboo’s fingers.

Jules smiled, touching a hand to her heart, “that’s our resident sweetheart, Resident Sweetheart. That’s the name the shelter gave her, though you’re more than welcome to change it. She’s ten years old, so she’s our little old lady of the shelter. Sadly, she’s been adopted and returned several times since we found her, with complaints of being too old, too curious, too much of a handful. It breaks my heart to see her returned so often. I’ve been thinking of adopting her myself honestly.”

“I love her.” Ranboo whispered, leaning even closer to the door of the cage. He looked towards Quackity, “Please dad, can we adopt this one?”

“Of course, son.” He turned to Jules, “you heard the kid, I guess we’re bringing Sweetheart home.”

“Do you still want to adopt number 87 as well?” Jules asked, her hands behind her back as she glanced back at the goopy ‘cat’.”

“Yeah, we’ll take him too.” Quackity supplied.

“Come with me for a minute then, we’ll get the paperwork and all the boring stuff completed, then I’ll get your cats in some cardboard carriers.”

“Sounds good to me, come on, Ranboo. We’ll come back for her in a minute.”

Reluctantly, Ranboo returned to Quackity’s side, tucking himself as close as he could possibly get to Quackity’s leg. His gaze still remained on the cat, her soft questioning meow making Ranboo ball his tiny hands into fists. “I’ll be back for you, okay?” He promised the cat.

As they walked towards the door, they were halted as Slime said, “Meow! Oh boy! I’m being adopted! Meow!” And then he leapt through the bars with a wet schlurp of goo parting and slapping back together.

“No!” Jules scolded, “87 I’ve told you this before, get back in there!”

“But I belong to this tiny human now! Meow!”

“There’s still paperwork to do. I’ll come back and grab you, but for now just stay in your cage.” Jules said sternly. “Don’t make me spray you with water again.”

Slime hissed at her, the most cat-like he’s been the entire time, before he crawled back into his cage, the bars dripping with slimy ooze as he pouted inside the metal confines. His ears pressed flat to his head as he glowered at them.

Jules nodded, then led Ranboo and Quackity out of the room. “It’s so weird having conversations with a cat. Though I don’t know if that even is a cat.”

Quackity laughed, and followed her to the lobby. Ranboo was still clinging to his leg, glancing back every other step as though he expected his beloved cat to teleport herself through the bars and follow them.

Quackity brushed his fingers through Ranboo’s hair in a soothing gesture, quietly promising, “it’ll only be for a couple minutes.”

Ranboo nodded, remaining silent.

The adoption process didn’t take an insane amount of time. There were quite a few regulation rules that Jules had to verbalize to them, as well as a basis of care for their new cats. After she’d get through one part, she’d slide a paper across the counter for Quackity to sign.

While Jules was distracted with her work, Quackity handed Ranboo a couple hundred dollar bills to slip in her bag while she wasn’t looking. Ranboo was only half the height of the counter after all, so it made his sneaking very easy.

He came back just in time as Juli asked, “alright, one last question for you, then they’re all yours.” She looked at Quackity and gestured for him to pick up Ranboo. When he did, she smiled at the kid and asked, “do you have any names for your kitties?”

Quackity was almost surprised at how Ranboo immediately nodded, “the pretty black cat will be Enderchest. And for the slimy cat… I’m thinking of calling him Gooper.”

“Those are great names, Ranboo.” Jules said as he typed it into his computer, “alright, you’re all set! I’ll go grab your new kitties, and you’re free to take them home.”

As Juli left, Ranboo wrapped his arms around Quackity’s neck and hugged him tightly, his voice muffled into Quackity’s shoulder, “you’re the best, Quackity! Thank you!”

Oh primes, Quackity could just feel the favoritism growing. He quickly shoved the thought to the back of his mind, wrapping his free hand around Ranboo’s back to hug him as well.

Trying not to be too obvious about it, he quickly pressed a kiss to the top of Ranboo’s head before tucking the boy’s head beneath his chin, his pitiful sized wings vainly stretching to wrap around them both.

“No problem kiddo.” Quackity mumbled, still holding Ranboo close. Without meaning to, Quackity found his body rocking side to side, gently bouncing Ranboo in his arms like he was an infant being rocked back to sleep.

Ranboo didn’t complain about it, so Quackity allowed it to continue. He wouldn’t mind if Jules took several years to come back to give them their new cats. With how loud his bird brain purred, he felt as though he could stand in this moment for the rest of his life and be happy. He’s been able to call Ranboo his son today, and now he’s getting the best hug of his life. It couldn’t possibly get better than this.

Much too quickly, Jules came back with two boxes, handles allowing her to hold one with each hand. She gently set the boxes on the counter, a muffled and questioning mew coming from one of them.

There was already a green, wet, stain on the other box. Quackity could guess that Slime was in there. Though he should probably force himself to call the cat by its new name, Gooper.

Ranboo pulled away from their hug immediately, leaning forwards towards the boxes and forcing Quackity to step closer to the counter so the kid wouldn’t slip out of his arms with his wriggly excitement.

“Enderchest!” He called, peeking into the box that he heard the questioning mew from, “I’m taking you home, okay? You’ll be out of that box soon!”

“Ranboo?” Jules asked, her voice gentle but serious, “remember that little miss Enderchest here is considered a senior cat. She’s ten years old, and she’ll need a lot of love. If anything seems wrong and her behavior changes in a negative way, promise me you’ll bother your dad and force him to take her to the vet. Can you do that?”

Ranboo held out his pinky, his body rigid with sincerity. “I pinky promise I’ll take care of Enderchest forever and ever.”

Jules smiled, and locked their pinky with his, “I trust you will.” She let his pinky go, sending both of them a bright smile. “Have a great day you two, thanks for visiting our shelter here.”

Ranboo wriggled out of Quackity’s grasp and onto the floor, making grabby hands for the box that held Enderchest, indicating for Quackity to hand the box over.

Quackity did so, trusting that Ranboo was strong enough to hold a cat for a couple minutes as they walked to the car.

He picked up Slime’s box, and waved at Jules as they left the building, momentarily blinded by the natural light of the sun.

Quackity held Enderchest as Ranboo slid into the car and buckled himself in, taking off his mask and glasses before making grabby hands for her box once more. Quackity placed her box onto his lap and buckled himself in the car.

He may be a villain, but he’s not stupid.

Safety first.

As Schlatt drove back towards the trio’s apartment, Gooper suddenly spoke, “meow, may I exit my box now, tiny human? Meow?”

“Not yet, Gooper.” Ranboo said, surprisingly patient for how he didn’t seem to like the Slime look alike before. “Once we get home you can meet my brothers and Enderchest.” His nose wrinkled, “and Benson I guess.

“Meow! Oh boy! Purr purr, I can’t wait to meet everyone!” Gooper cheered, “I hope we all get along!”

“Me too.” Ranboo replied, his voice a little quieter. He hugged Enderchest’s box to his chest, resting his head on top as his eyes heavily shut.

Surely their trip hadn’t lasted so long that Ranboo was already tired… Quackity thought to himself, checking the time to see that it’d hit the two hour mark by the time they reached the apartment once more.

Within minutes, Ranboo was quietly snoring, and both cats' boxes had gone silent. Soft breaths of sleep sounded barely loud enough to be heard over the purr of the engine, and Quackity found himself unable to tear his eyes away from Ranboo’s adorable little sleeping face. His cheek was squished against the box, and drool had already started to slowly drip out of the corner of his mouth.

Schlatt pulled Quackity out of his bird-brained thoughts, “you’ve gone soft, Quackity.”

Quackity whipped his head towards the man, making eye-contact in the rear-view mirror. “Shut up, Schlatt. I pay you to guard me and be a villain, not to tell me what I can and can’t do.”

“I wasn’t telling you what to do.” Schlatt pointed out with a shrug, “I’m just saying that you’ve grown a much stronger attachment to these kids ever since they stupidly decided to mess with fucking potions of all things.”

Quackity groaned, falling back into his seat and dragging his hands over his face. “You don’t think I know this? My fucking brain is non-stop going crazy! It’d be quieter if they were legally adopted by me, but the little shits won’t let that happen.”

“You? Legal?” Schlatt laughed heartily, “since when have you followed the law?”

Quackity rolled his eyes, “I uphold the law in the eyes of the public. How do you think my casino is still up and running?”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve had to pull so many strings for you to keep that place afloat.” Schlatt growled quietly under his breath, “you’re endlessly lucky that I have part-time in the fucking government here. I’d go full time, but their pay is complete shit compared to what I get for being a glorified taxi for you.”

“You’re not a glorified taxi,” Quackity said with a snort, “you’ve beat up plenty of people in my name.”

Quackity watched a satisfied smile grow on Schlatt’s lips, but it was quickly wiped away as he cussed out a bad driver and proceeded to blare his horn at them.

Quackity was worried Ranboo would wake up, but the kid was out like a light.

When Schlatt was satisfied with his cursing, he glanced at Quackity again, “y’know Quackity, maybe you should try working with your instincts. Instead of suppressing them.”

“I can’t work with my instincts,” Quackity pointed out, “my instincts scream at me to throw them in a nest and take care of them until they’re actually old enough to be on their own.”

“The trick with hybrid instincts is to know when you’ve already subconsciously done what it wants.” Schlatt said, seeing Quackity’s confused look and clarifying, “think about it this way, your instincts are screaming at you to throw them in a nest, right? Well, you’ve already done that. You provided the boys with an apartment, which is a nest in a way. The reason why your instincts are trying to tell you that it’s not a nest is because it isn’t physically near you at all times. But adult birds leave their nests all the time in order to provide food for their babies. That’s what you do, just without the food since those idiots refused to take ‘handouts’. So instead you offer them protection, even if they don’t know it.”

Surprisingly, Schlatt’s perspective made his bird thoughts quiet down. He was right, they were in a nest that Quackity provided, they were protected, and he still gets to visit them from time to time.

But we don’t get to show any physical affection! His pathetic bird brain cried, where are our hugs? Our forehead kisses?

Quackity shoved those thoughts away, forcing himself to focus on what Schlatt had told him, “you’re right, that helps a lot. My bird brain has never been quieter since meeting these little shits.”

Schlatt winked at him, “told you so. It’s all about perspectives and tricking your instincts.”

Quackity smiled at his friend with a fond shake of his head, then leaned back into his seat once more, enjoying how quiet his thoughts were for the first time in ages.

The rest of the ride was quiet aside from the gentle snores of Ranboo and the two cats.

When they reached the apartment, Quackity gently nudged Ranboo, trying to wake him.

Ranboo hummed in question, not even trying to open his eyes.

“Ranboo? Wake up, we’re at your apartment.” Quackity whispered.

“Shh, I’m sleeping…” Ranboo mumbled, “there’s a do not disturb sign on the door.”

Quackity paused, what fucking door is this kid talking about? With a shake of his head, Quackity asked, “Ranboo, are you sleep talking?”

Ranboo didn’t answer, he was fast asleep.

Quackity sighed, “Schlatt, could you help me by taking the cats inside? I’ll carry Ranboo.”

Schlatt made a show of getting out of the car and opening the passenger door, but the way he took Enderchest’s box off of Ranboo’s lap was so gentle, Quackity was almost surprised that he was capable of such care. But Schlatt had a cat of his own at home, it made sense why he’d be so loving towards another.

Quackity handed him Slime’s box as well, then exited the car so he could walk to the other side. It’d make it easier to pick Ranboo up if he didn’t have to slide across the seats with an armful of child. 

He unbuckled Ranboo’s seat belt, and pulled him out of the car, trying to not overthink on how he was supposed to carry a sleeping child compared to an awake child that held their weight up on their own.

Surprisingly, he found it easier to hold Ranboo when he was asleep. He held Ranboo against his chest, resting the boy's head on his shoulder. 

Ranboo adjusted his head so he could press his forehead to Quackity’s neck for warmth and comfort, sighing softly as he relaxed completely.

Quackity walked to the building, Schlatt waiting at the door since both of his hands were full. Quackity opened the door for him, then slipped inside, the pair of adults making a beeline for the stairs.

Ranboo’s tail had freed itself from the confines of his hoodie, and easily wrapped itself as far as it could around Quackity’s waist.

Quackity smiled, and in a moment of weakness, with the knowledge that Schlatt was walking in front of him and not looking, and as Ranboo was still fast asleep, Quackity pressed a small kiss to the side of Ranboo’s head.

His bird brain cooed and purred with satisfaction at its win over Quackity’s control, but Quackity let it slide. Just this once.

Their walk up to the kid’s apartment was made in silence, but when they made it to the right floor, Quackity nudged Ranboo awake. “Hey kid, we’re at your apartment. Do you wanna introduce your new pets or shall I?”

Ranboo hummed as though he was seriously debating the question, then slowly lifted his head, scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a massive yawn. “I wanna do it…”

Ranboo wiggled his way out of Quackity’s arms, almost stumbling as he was set on his own two feet. He made grabby hands towards Schlatt, who quietly handed him the box containing Enderchest. Not even bothering to ask which cat the boy wanted.

Ranboo waddled down the hall on his little legs and an armful of cat. When he reached the door, he gently placed Enderchest down, and opened the door to the apartment. 

There was a quiet greeting from Tubbo, who was sitting on the floor with Benson in his lap, his new laptop discarded beside him.

Schlatt and Quackity followed Ranboo inside, shutting the door behind themselves and placing Gooper’s box on the floor next to Enderchest.

Quackity could see Tubbo’s surprise, though he didn’t comment just yet.

Ranboo immediately opened Enderchest’s box, then Gooper’s, allowing them to exit their carriers in their own time.

Quackity sighed, “I guess I’ll have to get you a second set of cat supplies. I’ll get someone to drop it off for you later.”

“Okay.” Ranboo replied, though most of his attention was on Enderchest, who was slowly peeking up and over her box, getting a good look around the place.

Gooper disgustingly decided to exit the box using the breathing holes instead of the open top. A wet schlop sounding as he slipped through. Tubbo’s face twisted in disgust at the action, but he remained quiet.

“Meow! Hello, other tiny human!” Gooper greeted Tubbo, who’s jaw dropped in shock. “My name is Gooper! I am now your friend and I love you!”

Gooper trotted forward to try and greet Tubbo properly, but Benson spread his wings and waddled out of Tubbo’s lap, making himself look bigger as he hissed at the green “cat” to keep it away from his human.

Gooper was not phased in the slightest, “hello bird! My name is Gooper, what’s yours? Meow!”

“That’s…” Tubbo cleared his throat, most likely trying to get over the fact that he was speaking to a talking cat. “That’s Benson. He’s my duck friend I just met today.”

“Meow meow! Purr! Hello Benson! It’s nice to meet you!” Gooper said with an unnatural smile.

Quackity clapped his hands together, gaining the attention of everyone, he had to leave quickly if he wanted to avoid questions about Gooper being Slime. “It was nice seeing all of you, but I have to head back to work. I have some clients I need to meet with today.”

“Alright, sounds good!” Ranboo said, finally paying attention so he could send a smile towards Quackity, “thank you for everything, Quackity. I’ll take good care of Enderchest.”

Quackity sent a much too soft smile at the kid in return. “I know you will, Ranboo.”

With a gesture to Schlatt, they left the apartment and made their way back to the stairs.

When they reached the car, buckling themselves in, Schlatt made eye contact with Quackity in the mirror, a knowing look in his eye. “Your instincts were flaring up again, weren’t they?”

“Shut up!” Quackity snapped, though his wings fluffed in embarrassment at being caught.

Schlatt laughed, and they drove off, leaving Quackity’s boys on their own yet again. 

---------

“So uh-” Tubbo cleared his throat, staring at Goopers constant dripping form, “please tell me you have one normal cat.”

“Ha ha! Whatever do you mean, little human?” Gooper asked, “I am a normal cat!”

Tubbo paused for a long minute, looking Gooper up and down, “sure.”

Ranboo chuckled, “Gooper is… unique. Quackity practically begged me to adopt him because he’s one of a kind. But Enderchest is the one I really chose.”

As if on queue, the fluffy black cat peeked her head over the box, sniffing at the edges of her new territory. Her amber eyes were wide with curiosity, and she quickly leapt out of her cardboard confines and gracefully trotted off to explore the room, poking at things with her adorable pink nose.

“She’s so pretty!” Tubbo admired, his gaze glued on her as she sniffed around. Benson quacked in jealousy, and Tubbo quickly chidded, “you’ll always be my favorite, Benson. Don’t worry. But you have to promise to leave our new friends alone. I don’t want any fighting.”

Benson nibbled Tubbo’s arm, possibly in a begrudging agreement.

They sat in contented silence for a long minute, watching the two cats explore and greet one another. Enderchest wasn’t the biggest fan of Gooper, based on the fact that she physically recoiled when he first went to sniff at her. But she did lick him between the ears, apparently not minding the taste of slime on her tongue. Gooper purred, sounding and acting more cat-like as he observed and copied Enderchest’s behavior.

Benson finally stopped pouting and waddled over to greet them as well, surprisingly friendly as he wiggled his tail in joy when the cats didn’t run away from him. He was almost half their size as well, honestly he should’ve been afraid of the creatures with knives attached to their paws.

In fact, Enderchest seemed to like Benson a lot more than Ranboo would’ve hoped. She rubbed her body against his soft feathers, and Gooper copied her, though Benson did snap at Gooper’s tail. It’s unfair that Benson won the heart of Ranboo’s cats, seeing as Ranboo was terrified of the evil ball of feathers.

After maybe twenty minutes or so of sniffing around and greeting both Tubbo and Ranboo, Enderchest leaped onto the couch, and curled into a ball to sleep. Gooper joined her, pressing his body next to hers and relaxing himself into loaf position, his tail flicking in content.

Benson quacked at them, and quickly flapped his wings to get enough air to lift him high enough to land on the couch, waddling towards the sleeping cats and planting himself right in the middle of Enderchest’s curled body as though she were his personal nest.

“Where’s Tommy?” Ranboo murmured, not wanting to wake the resting pets. “Is he still sleeping?”

Tubbo nodded, “I think he strained his back too much, he woke up an hour ago crying. I- I couldn’t get through to him.”

“What do you mean by that?” Ranboo asked, a spike of fear lodging its way into his chest.

“I mean that Tommy has started de-aging.”

“God damnit.” Ranboo cursed under his breath, brushing a hand through his hair. “Is there anything we can do to slow the process?”

Tubbo shook his head, “not that I know of. I tried to treat Tommy as I always do when he’s having a rough day. I didn’t want to risk babying him, but he hated it. He-” Tubbo suddenly hugged his knees to his chest, his voice shaking, “he started asking for our mother.”

“Our mother?” Ranboo mouthed, then asked, “does he mean Kristin?”

“I think so. None of us recall our parents, and only Kristin or Quackity have been some sort of parental guidance in our lives. Though Quackity fights tooth and nail not to show it.”

Ranboo giggled at that, “you should’ve seen Quackity today. I called him dad since we were undercover and it looked like he was going to explode.” Tubbo snorted half-heartedly, and Ranboo quickly shook his head, “sorry, not the point. I feel like, maybe the best thing to do right now would be-”

“Don’t.” Tubbo warned, his voice suddenly cold, “I know what you’re going to say. Don’t. We can handle this on our own. Tommy will be fine after he rests a bit. His back hurting just makes him want comfort. He’ll be fine.”

There was a pause, then Tubbo muttered determinedly, “he has to be.”

Tubbo’s mind was already made up, there wasn’t much Ranboo could do about it. Despite this, he continued, “Tubbo. I’m going to be a little harsh on you right now.”

Tubbo flicked his ear to indicate he was listening, his gaze on the sleeping critters.

Ranboo took a deep breath, he couldn’t back out of this now. “Is your pride more important than our safety? If Tommy deages, and we did nothing to combat it except hope for a miracle, what then?” A hot spike of anger started to rise in Ranboo’s tone, and he noted that Tubbo had frozen completely, his eyes wide and glued to the floor. “You made a mistake, accept that because Tommy and I already have. We’ve been using this mistake to our advantage, but now it’s a threat. People mess up, Tubbo. It’s human. But we’re supposed to learn from it, not run away. I know you’ve been researching and trying to find something to reverse it, but accept the fact that we need help. We can’t survive on hope and prayers. At this point, you’re playing with fire. You need to learn when to stop and ask for help. There’s no shame in that.”

Ranboo forced his mouth to stop spewing words, clasping a hand over his lips and trying his best to not panic about yelling at one of his best friends. His anger got the best of him, he should be better than this. He’s supposed to be the one with a calm and level head.

For a long minute, Tubbo was quiet, mulling over Ranboo’s harsh words.

Eventually, Ranboo pulled his hand away from his mouth, biting back an apology and remaining quiet. Watching Tubbo closely.

Finally Tubbo sighed, scrubbing at his slowly reddening eyes. “Fuck. You’re right, Ranboo. I’ve been stupidly selfish. I just- I feel like-” Tubbo couldn’t get out the words, choked by a wave of tears.

“You feel like it’s your responsibility.” Ranboo finished for him.

Tubbo nodded.

“I’m not going to say it isn’t your responsibility, because that’d be a lie. It’s your responsibility, but it’s also mine. And Tommy’s.” Ranboo said gently, “You shouldn’t carry this on your own, Tubbo. We’re stronger together. I know that Tommy and I haven’t been much help regarding all of this, and we for sure deserve to be yelled at too. So tell us what to do, how to help you. We can ask Kristin and Quackity for help too.” Ranboo huffed in amusement as he said, “hell, we could ask all of our villain friends and they’d scramble to help us.”

Tubbo remained silent, so Ranboo moved to sit next to him, and the two leaned against one another as though they weren’t having a heavy conversation.

“People want to help us, Tubbo. They’re just waiting for us to ask.” Ranboo mumbled, turning so he could press a kiss to the crown of Tubbo’s head.

They both froze.

“Did you just-” Tubbo started, a tearful but small laugh starting to bubble.

Ranboo groaned, his face burning. “Blame Quackity, he did that every chance he got.”

“He wants to father us so bad.” Tubbo snorted, a fond look in his eye.

“He really does.” Ranboo cleared his throat awkwardly, “I’ll try not to do that again.”

Tubbo shook his head, “you’re fine, Ranboo. It’s a nice gesture. Surprisingly… I don’t mind it.”

Ranboo smiled, relaxing against Tubbo once more, waiting for the moment to pass.

Another couple minutes ticked by before Tubbo finally spoke up again, “we’ll ask Kristin for help. She’ll be able to get something from the heroes, then we can ask Quackity. I’m certain he’s already tried to murder a couple people for answers by now.”

Ranboo chuckled, “that sounds about right.”

Quietly, Tubbo whispered, “thank you, Ranboo. I needed someone to snap me into my senses.”

“That’s what friends are for, Tubbo.”

The pair sat like that for a long while, watching their new pets sleep contentedly on the couch.

Eventually the hybrids would head off to bed, but for now, they’d enjoy the moment.

It was a busy day, and they’re exhausted, but tomorrow will be a new adventure.

------

AN- Join our discord if you wish! Become a breadling!!! JOIN THE BREAD NATION!!! WE RISE!!!! (pun intended)

Breadcord!

Chapter Text

Tomorrow did not bring the boys a new adventure, instead it became a day where they stayed home resting. Specifically Tommy.

Ranboo and Tubbo took turns bringing Tommy cold packs for his back, trying their best to encourage the bruises to not inflame. Hopefully, they’d be able to prevent the bruises from forming at all, though the chance wasn’t likely, seeing as Tommy’s back was starting to gain darkened patches of reddish-purple.

They kept a close eye on Tommy, almost to an annoying point.

Tommy didn’t understand why his best friends were suddenly so fretful over him. They didn’t seem to care half as much yesterday when they walked to the park.

But today they forced Tommy to stay lying down on his stomach.

They brought him his switch so he wasn’t bored out of his mind, but that only did so much.

Earlier that morning, Tubbo and Ranboo sat with him and told him all about Ranboo’s outing with Quackity, making sure to include every part where Quackity was super affectionate.

Ranboo introduced Tommy to Enderchest and Gooper (by now they have had a discussion about how Gooper is most definitely Slime attempting a disguise. They’ve decided to keep him around, mainly because it’s really funny that Gooper thinks it’s normal for a cat to talk).

Enderchest was an absolute sweetheart, purring loudly as she shoved her face into Tommy’s hand, forcing him to scritch her head.

Gooper on the other hand, trotted over for pets, but then he noticed Tommy’s back slowly bruising and instead settled himself over the bruises, knowing that his natural body temperature was cool enough to help.

Needless to say, even though Tommy knew that the cat was just Slime undercover, he grew very attached to the little guy within an hour.

Tommy wouldn’t know, but Tubbo and Ranboo were very relieved when he didn’t regress in age that day. In fact, it seemed as though he'd forgotten that it happened the day before.

The day trickled by slowly, but thank the ever loving primes it eventually came to an end.

---------

A knock sounded at the door, “boys? Are you all ready to go?”

Ranboo was the first to stumble to his feet, leaving Tommy and Tubbo behind in Tommy’s room, where they were keeping him company for the morning and eating breakfast together.

Ranboo ran to the door and unlocked it, struggling to twist the handle for a moment before he was able to pry it open.

Kristin was waiting patiently behind it, and her smile only grew when she saw Ranboo.

“Good morning, Kristin!” Ranboo greeted.

“Good morning, Ranboo.” Kristin replied, a small chuckle following.

Ranboo gestured for her to come inside, and Kristin did so, her shorter dress swaying as she made her way to the couch and sat down.

She was in more of a casual fit today, a purple dress stretched to her knees, the bottom loose enough to spin out if she were to twirl. She wore a black belt, or maybe a waist corset, to separate the top and bottom of the piece. The dress had peek-a-boo shoulders and a wide collar, exposing her collarbones. Floral patterned tights stretched over her legs, and she had black ankle boots and a black, bulkier, bag than usual to tie it all together.

“Have you finished packing yet?” Kristin asked.

Ranboo shook his head, almost surprised that he wasn’t afraid to admit the truth so quickly. He knew Kristin wouldn’t get mad at them. “We packed a little last night, but we’ve been trying to take care of Tommy.”

Kristin smiled in understanding, “would you like some help?”

“That’d be really nice, actually.”

Ranboo led his mom- no- his friend, down the hall to show her their rooms.

They each had their backpacks that Tubbo bought from Quackity, emptied of their previous contraband. She helped Ranboo organize his things and carefully pack them inside so it all fit, promising to buy or already having most essentials back at the heroes tower. 

Her and Ranboo moved on to help Tubbo pack up his backpack, and finally the three moved into Tommy’s room to help him pack.

Kristin paused in surprise as she caught sight of Tommy laying on his stomach in his nest of blankets, two cats sitting on his bruises and purring like car engines.

“Did you always have cats?” Kristin asked, moving deeper into the room and crouching at Tommy’s side. “Good morning, love.”

“Quackity got them for me yesterday!” Ranboo replied happily, his tail swishing as he started gathering clothes from around Tommy’s room, not bothering to check if they smelt dirty or clean. Their clothes haven’t been washed once after they took them from the thrift store. They didn’t have a washer or dryer. “The black one is Enderchest! She’s my baby. And the green slimy one is Gooper.”

Kristin cautiously reached a hand out for the cats to sniff, to which Enderchest immediately shoved her head closer to force Kristin to pet her. Enderchest’s purrs grew louder as Kristin scratched her behind the ears. Gooper on the other hand, stared at her with wide eyes. Not in fear or any particular emotion, just… staring.

Though he did sniff at her hand once, then proceeded to remain quiet, surprisingly not talking to her.

“They won’t get off of me.” Tommy half-heartedly whined, “I’ve been stuck here all day yesterday, and now I can’t move because Enderchest and Gooper have decided I’m a great heating mat.”

“At least they’re getting you to stay still.” Kristin teased lightly, brushing an ever gentle hand through Tommy’s curls.

“I have to take a massive piss though.” Tommy deadpanned.

Kristin barked out a laugh, “alright then, let’s see if we can free you.”

Ranboo was at her side in an instant so he could pick up Enderchest. Gooper begrudgingly allowed himself to be picked up by Kristin, his slimy form starting to melt through her arms.

Tommy winced as he got up, but he slowly made his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself.

Once Tommy was out of the room, Tubbo gestured for Kristin to come closer to him. She did so, leaning down so he could whisper into her ear. “The potion is starting to become permanent. Tommy completely de-aged to a three year old the other day… I uhm-” He paused, then reluctantly added, “we need help. I don’t want to lose all my memories from when I was a teenager.”

Kristin let Gooper drop from her arms, her face dropping to a grim expression. “I know a few people who are great with potion effects. I’ll see if I can convince them to work on a reversal.”

“What if you can’t convince them? We’re villains, they wouldn’t want to help us.”

Kristin smiled, a glint of dark amusement in her eye, “If I can’t convince them, I will force them.” She ruffled his hair, “remember that now I’m a villain as well. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

Tubbo sighed, clearly fighting himself internally, “I know…thank you.”

Kristin opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut off by a scream and a loud series of honks.

Tubbo’s eyes widened, “I forgot Benson was taking a bath.”

“Who’s Benson?” Kristin asked as the three of them rushed towards the bathroom.

“My pet duck!”

“I was gone for two days, how do you already have so many pets?!”

Her question remained unanswered as Ranboo knocked on the door, “Tommy? Are you decent?”

“YES, NOW FUCKING HELP ME!” Tommy immediately screamed in return, the sounds of a struggle and flapping wings could be heard clearly through the door.

Ranboo flung the door open, revealing a scene of Tommy with his back against the floor, gritting his teeth in pain as he held his arms in front of his face for protection. Benson was flapping his wet wings and trying to snap at Tommy’s nose, honking as loud as he could in Tommy’s face.

“Benson!” Tubbo shouted, for once angry towards the duck, “get off of him! You’re better than this!”

Benson wasn’t listening, too busy trying to nip at Tommy.

Kristin swooped down and somehow managed to grab Benson, quickly depositing the wet duck into Tubbo’s arms before crouching down to help Tommy up off the floor. She brushed down his messed up hair with her fingers, swiping a thumb over his cheek in a soothing gesture before she asked, “are you alright, love?”

Tommy pouted, sending a nasty glare Benson’s way, “I hate that thing.”

“You don’t hate him, dear, that’s a very strong word to throw around.” Kristin soothed, “it’s alright that you’re angry at him. You have every right to be.”

Then she turned around to Benson, her brow furrowed in gentle anger. “Benson. I know you’re a duck, and that Tommy interrupted your bath, but you have no right to attack a child.”

Benson honked at her, snapping at the air for good measure but Kristin didn’t flinch away. “That is not nice, Benson. If you won’t behave yourself, then I’m going to have to leave you with a pet sitter while I take the boys on a very fun villain mission. Do you want to stay behind?”

It’s hard to imagine a duck could understand the human language so well, but Benson was built different for whatever reason. He calmed down quickly, his honk lowering in volume to a small quack.

“I don’t understand why you’re so mean to Tommy-”

“And me!” Ranboo added quickly.

Kristin amended her sentence, “I don’t understand why you’re so mean to Tommy and Ranboo. I can’t imagine that they hurt you in any way other than some dislike. I know they wouldn’t try to harm an animal, even if that animal is hurting them.”

Benson simply watched her this time, his beady but intelligent eyes gleaming with cognizance.

“If you guys don’t start getting along,” Tubbo began, “I’ll lock you three in a closet.”

Tommy groaned, “oh yeah, close us in a small space. I’m sure that’ll work wonders.”

“You never know.” Tubbo replied vaguely, and he gently placed Benson on the ground. The duck waddled up to Kristin gently nibbled at her knee, then waddled away.

“Since we’re in the bathroom already,” Kristin said as the conversation ended, setting her bag on the sink counter and rummaging around inside, “who’s ready for civilian disguises?”

The boys simultaneously raised their hands excitedly.

Kristin chuckled, pulling out an array of dyes, wings, scissors, and more. “Let’s begin then. Who wants to go first?”

---------

Changing your appearance to look like a different person turned out to be much more difficult than the boys were expecting. 

Kristin seemed to know what she was doing though, apparently they’ve had to do this kind of thing in the tower before for undercover missions.

Plus, thanks to the magic of halloween and creative costumes, there was a surprising abundance of supplies to assist in looking like another hybrid.

In hindsight, they probably shouldn’t have gotten into a quarrel with the heroes the other day. It’d mean that they wouldn’t have to hide at all.

Tubbo had plans to make it seem like the trio was still active while they were in disguise in the tower, though he hadn’t really explained them in a way either Ranboo or Tommy could fully understand, not when the guy was talking so fast about technical things. He left the apartment the day before, vaguely excusing himself by saying he was, “setting things up.”

Kristin started with Tommy first, dying his tail and ears a midnight black, apologizing profusely as she covered up the natural greys of his fur. Tommy assured her that he was okay with it multiple times, and was actually quite excited to see how his ringed tail would be disguised. He was also the one to choose his base color as black, saying that he wanted to match the same black of Philza’s wings.

Ranboo watched her entire process, shocked at how Tommy’s tail and ears ended up looking like a true cat hybrid would. He never realized how similar a raccoon and cat were, though Tommy’s fur was definitely coarser than a cats. Despite that, he could still get away with it.

Kristin’s work on Tommy finished quickly enough, choosing to keep his hair blond since Tommy insisted that he didn’t want black hair.

Ranboo’s own transformation was a little more difficult with the natural black and white of his skin. Though Kristin eventually settled on Ranboo being a cow hybrid.

Her logic was that Ranboo was pretty covered up when they had their run in with the heroes. Plus, since it was night, that would’ve helped hide some of his hybrid traits.

She started with his tail, dying the half white half black fluff on the end to be solid black, then moved to his ears, which required using some high quality costume ears from the store, already spotted black and white like a cow.

She dyed his split hair solid black as well, then moved on to apply splotches of black and white face-paint to give his skin a more cow-like look. She sprayed down the paint with setting spray to keep it in place as long as possible, and handed the tube and spray to Ranboo to put in his bag for reapplications later.

He wouldn’t be able to flick his ears like Tubbo could, but he could probably set up a lie where he never moved his ears as a kid so the muscles weren’t as developed.

With Ranboo’s disguise finished, she moved on to Tubbo.

Her idea with him was a baby deer, which wasn’t too difficult to achieve since his hybrid traits were already similar.

She started with his tail, bleaching and dying the underside to be a bright white instead of the light cream color it already had. Since he was a kid again, his ears and tail were just a little too big for him, which matched how a baby deer would usually look.

What really sold it though, was when Kristin carefully bleached small, round spots in Tubbo’s hair and on the top of his tail.

Their disguises were decent, all things considered. Hopefully, whatever plan Tubbo had thought of would be enough to hide them from the heroes.

Which brought up a question in Ranboo’s mind, “we met you for the first time in that thrift store. Techno was with you, wasn’t he?”

“He was.” Kristin said, packing up her spare makeup and costume materials.

“Won’t he recognize us?” Ranboo asked, starting to get worried at how easily they could be caught if Techno remembered their faces.

Kristin turned to look at him, “I… had a talk with him. He asked me if I was bringing the three boys we met from the thrift store and I didn’t want to lie to him. But he agreed to keep quiet about it. He’s actually very amused at the idea of three villains getting into the heroes tower unsuspected.”

“So, he knows who we are…” Tubbo hummed, “I don’t blame you for telling him. We weren’t very disguised that day, and I’m sure many civilians were suspicious of us seeing how similar Tommy looks to RaccoonInnit. I’m glad he’s agreeing to keep it a secret. Maybe we can convince him to be a villain as well.”

Kristin laughed, “there’s always a chance. Even if they remain heroes, I’m quite positive that both Philza and Techno will grow very fond of you three.”

“Of course they will!” Tommy boasted, “we’re fucking adorable!”

Kristin ruffled his hair, “you’re right about that.” She clapped her hands together softly, brightening as she asked, “let’s get your pets into carriers and be on our way, yes?”

The trio cheered in agreement and rushed down the hall, Kristin close behind.

“Alright boys!” Kristin called, standing by the door as the boys finished coaxing cats and a duck into different carriers that Quackity dropped off in the night, “grab your backpacks and creatures and let’s go!”

Ranboo locked Enderchest’s cage as he finally convinced her that it would be okay. Gooper didn’t even hesitate to enter his own carrier, slipping through the bars before Ranboo had a chance to open it for him. 

Tommy and Tubbo skipped over to Kristin, and while she was distracted, Ranboo ducked down to peek through the bars of Gooper’s carrier. “Gooper? Are you okay?”

Gooper slowly blinked at him, “why wouldn’t I be? Friend Ranboo?”

“You haven’t talked all day, I just wanted to check on you.”

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to speak…” Gooper trailed off, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Technically yes, cats can’t really speak. It’ll be best if you don’t talk while we’re in the heroes tower.” Ranboo whispered, “But you were very chatty on your adoption day, then a little quieter yesterday, and completely silent today, it worried me for a second.”

“Thank you for your concern, friend Ranboo, but I am okay! Meow meow.” He shook his head lightly, “not meow, I mean,” then Gooper continued to do the cutest little meow that he could’ve fully convinced Ranboo he was just a weird looking cat had he done that at the adoption centre.

“Ranboo!” Tommy whined dramatically, “hurry up before I rot with age!”

“I was making sure Gooper was comfortable, I’m coming.” Ranboo said easily, finding a quick excuse at the tip of his tongue. He picked up both cat carriers, struggling to walk with two cats weighing close to 10 pounds (4.5 kg) each.

Kristin reached out a hand, a silent question for Ranboo to hand a carrier to her if he so wished. So he passed Gooper to her, and she gently took the carrier.

“Do you three have everything you need? Pet care items, clothes, comfort things?”

“Yup!” Tubbo chimed, “I packed big bags of duck food and cat food! They’re in mine and Ranboo’s bags.”

“Good job, Tubbo!” Kristin opened the door, gesturing for them to go through, “I brought my car today, just so transport is easier.”

Ranboo skipped a little ahead, sticking with Tubbo so they could open doors for Kristin and Tommy.

In the stairwell, Ranboo glanced back and found that Tommy was now held in Kristin’s free arm. His back was probably hurting quite a bit, and walking too much would only agitate the bruises more. On the bright side, his injuries were healing quite nicely thanks to the combined efforts of Gooper and Enderchest sleeping on his back all the time. Though it’s important to note that Gooper tended to take up the most space, melting himself so he could cover all the bruises with his naturally cold slime. Enderchest mainly sat at the very base of his spine, where the least pain was.

“Gosh, we’ll have to buy some litter boxes on our way. I hope Phil doesn’t mind a couple pets in the house.” Kristin mumbled to herself as she followed Ranboo and Tubbo down the stairs, “I didn’t prepare anyone in the tower for pets. Just for some kids.”

When they finally got outside of the building, Kristin had to put down Gooper’s carrier so she could find her keys to unlock her car, which was a small, but very nice five seater.

She buckled the cat carriers in the front seat, and Tubbo insisted on keeping Benson’s carrier at his feet. Then she helped the three buckle into their seats, which Ranboo wasn’t surprised to find that Kristin had already purchased three identical booster seats.

When everyone was buckled in, they were on their way towards the heroes tower.

They made a very quick stop so Kristin could run into the pet store and grab some litter supplies for the pets, leaving the car on and locked so the boys didn’t have to leave their pets or go through the whole ordeal of getting out and into the car again with their small, clumsy bodies.

As they drove, Ranboo stared out the window, watching as the giant, intimidating, heroes building grew closer and closer with every turn they took.

The tower is an ugly thing, in Ranboo’s opinion. It was just like any other skyscraper in the city, though it was the tallest of them all, reaching the maximum height limit the country had, though Ranboo didn’t care to know exactly how tall that was. All he knew, is that it was boring as fuck. A rectangular white building with thousands of windows without a spire at the top, which would’ve made the building at least a little interesting. Ranboo knew the reason they didn’t have a spire was for heroes who needed roof access for quick leave and entry, like Philza. Plus, they needed a space for their stupid helicopter that never seemed to be there. A hero group seemed to always be using it to be sent out on big missions far away. Which meant that the helicopter was never there long enough for the trio to attempt to steal it.

Try as Tubbo might, he’s never been able to find communication lines for the helicopter’s returns. It frustrated him to no end.

Kristin made a turn about a block away from the tower, which sloped downwards into a car park that kept out of the streets for security and to not take space for other buildings.

Kristin stopped, not at one, but several different security points to pass through one gate or another. One involved a passcode, the second a fingerprint, the third a handprint, and finally, a face scan.

She cursed under her breath as they passed the final one, “this is why I never drive anywhere.”

She parked her car in a parking lot that was filled with specially crafted motorcycles, hero quality cars, and a couple normal looking cars, probably for heroes trying to pass as regular civilians for the day. Or for their non-hero families.

Kristin helped them out of the car, grabbed Gooper’s carrier for Ranboo, then, with a final deep breath, “ready?”

The boys nodded, a small twinge of nerves starting to buzz in Ranboo’s stomach. Despite it, he followed Kristin to an elevator, which required a ID key card from Kristin, as well as a fingerprint.

They piled into the small space, and Kristin once more used her keycard so she could access her apartment floor.

The lift felt as though it launched upwards, causing a small squeak of fear from Tommy at the unexpected speed.

“Sorry, loves.” Kristin said, leaning down to pick Tommy up into her arms once more. “I should’ve warned you that the elevator here is stupid fast.”

Ranboo was about to tell her it was okay, but he was quickly distracted as the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival to their floor.

The elevator opened up to reveal… a small, empty room, with one door to the right, and another to the left.

Ranboo was immediately disappointed. He was expecting it to open right into the apartment, though he supposed that there would most likely be some privacy issues that came with that. They could’ve decorated this… foyer? Mudroom? Whatever it was, at the very least.

Kristin walked towards the door on the right, and before she could go to unlock it, Ranboo asked, “where does the other door go?”

She glanced at him, then towards the door in question, “that’s Techno’s apartment, though he doesn’t really use it. He likes staying with Phil and I. Though he uses his own apartment sometimes when he needs some time alone or wants to do some sort of paperwork.” 

Kristin turned back to her apartment door and gestured for the boys to approach as she showed them the fancy keypad attached to the doorknob. She told them the code as she put it in, and the door unlocked.

“Boys,” she said as she opened the door, “welcome home.”

Now this is what Ranboo was expecting.

A cozy living room was the closest to the door, connected to the nearby kitchen complete with all sorts of fancy kitchen supplies, as well as an island counter with bar stools lining one side. Floor to ceiling windows covered the entire far wall, showing off the city at their towering height. To the right of the door was a hallway that led to four or five doorways that Ranboo itched to explore.

Somehow, the apartment didn’t feel as rich and modern as Ranboo was expecting it to be. Sure, there were fancy appliances everywhere, but there were also pricy-looking but obviously used recliner chairs, cluttered shelves, blankets strewn over all of the recliners. It just looked and felt like it was a home, and not part of a multi-million dollar building. He couldn’t help but thank the Primes above that Kristin’s family didn’t have one of those minimalist homes.

Tommy scrambled out of Kristin’s arms, his usual energy starting to show as he explored the room, obviously looking for a very certain figure.

Kristin chuckled, guessing what he was doing, “Techno and Phil won’t be home for a while. They’re on patrol right now, there’s been an alert of a certain villain on the loose.” She winked at Tommy.

Tubbo pumped his fist in celebration, “yes! It worked!”

“How’d you make it look like I’m somewhere else, Tubs?” Tommy asked, dumping his bag onto the floor.

Tubbo grinned, “you wouldn’t understand most of it, but in the most basic explanation, I hacked into or replaced some hero security cameras around the city. Now at different intervals in time, they’ll switch from live footage, to footage of teenage Innit doing crimes. That, paired with some well-timed explosions and false alarms, makes for a perfect lie of where we are.”

“But won’t it be suspicious that no matter when they get to the crime scene, Innit is nowhere to be found? And nothing is actually stolen?” Ranboo asked, gently placing his own things onto the floor and opening Enderchest’s carrier, allowing her to leave in her own time to explore the room.

An evil grin grew on Tubbo’s cheeks, “I wouldn’t worry about that. Purpled owed me a favor. Every other day or so he’ll dress up to go and cause some havoc, confront some heroes, then escape.”

“How the fuck did you convince Purpled to dress up as me?! How big of a favor did he owe you?!” Tommy asked, his voice high-pitched with shock.

Tubbo shrugged, “I helped him break out of jail a long time ago and got him set up to work with Quackity. I just haven’t cashed in my favor until now.” Tubbo finally set his things on the floor, following Ranboo in opening Benson’s carrier as well. “Purpled and Tommy look quite similar in size and build. All Purpled has to do is put on Innit’s usual outfit and some raccoon features, maybe a wig, and suddenly he’s the spitting image of RaccoonInnit.”

“Then I guess we can relax for a bit?” Ranboo asked, unsure. “Or cause havoc here at least.”

“I think havoc and rest sounds lovely.” Kristin said with a smile, letting Gooper out of his carrier and making her way towards the kitchen, “have you three eaten yet?”

She glanced over her shoulder to see the boys shake their heads. 

“How about you three run around to settle in and explore the apartment while I make us some sandwiches?” Kristin offered, already pulling ingredients from the fridge.

The trio didn’t need to be asked twice. 

Ranboo immediately followed Kristin into the kitchen, peeking into the lower cupboards, and if there was enough room, crawling inside to see if he could fit. It was always good to find hiding spots for future use. Tubbo and Tommy kept close behind, taking turns squeezing into cupboards or clinging onto Kristin’s legs so she’d drag them around as she walked.

Eventually, he wandered away and stared out the giant windows for a bit, discovered the balcony, and when Tommy and Tubbo joined up with him once more, they started down the hall. Though Kristin was quick to call out, “Techno’s room is the first door on the left, don’t go inside please, I don’t want his privacy invaded.”

“Okay!” The trio called out, and skipped past Techno’s bedroom door without any argument.

They discovered the bathroom next, it was fully decked out with a fancy looking sink and cupboards, a toilet with a bidet, and of course the shower, which had one of those big shower heads and all sorts of super nice soaps along the shelves inside.

Next was a hall closet that was surprisingly big, filled with towels and bedding and spare blankets.

Then they discovered the guest room, which would be theirs for the duration of their stay. Which of course was only temporary. They’ve only discussed staying for a week or two and causing some havoc, then they’d be returning to their own apartment to return to their normal life.

It’d be fun!

Their temporary room was completely decked out in ways none of the boys expected. For starters, there was a wooden, rich brown, triple bunk bed, complete with some really nice pillows that looked quite expensive. There weren’t any sheets on the mattresses just yet, but there were three brand new bed sheet sets sitting on the bottom bunk for them to choose from, each a different color. The bunks sat against the wall where the door was, furthest from the floor to ceiling windows that took up the entirety of the opposite wall.

They had not just one, but two closets inlaid in the wall to the left of the door and connected to one another. Inside of those were a few sets of new and clean clothing on the lowest hanger bar for them to reach, and a shoe rack with a bunch of shoe options that ranged in size. Kristin even managed to fit a dresser in one of the closets as well, giving them plenty of room for storage.

In the right corner by the window was a sensory swing, and centered against the window was a cute kids table and chairs with a cup of pencils and pens and some notebooks for their use.

 Two bean bags sat on each side of a bookshelf that was in the wall to the left of the door, the shelf filled with all sorts of books, a mix of chapter books and actual kids books.

All of the furniture was roughly the same rich brown wood, and the walls were painted a very light and pastel yellow that was nice on the eyes. There wasn’t much in the terms of decoration, but everything in the room combined was probably more furniture than the boys have ever owned.

Plus, they’d have real mattresses! Not just piles of shitty blankets and pillows for makeshift nests!

“I call top bunk!” Tommy immediately shouted, running forward to scramble up the ladder. It had wide steps, which looked nicer to climb than most of the bunk beds Ranboo has seen online.

As he watched Tommy clamber up, he could tell from how his movements slowed and the way Tommy hissed under his breath that his back didn’t like the sudden stretch to climb, but he seemed to push past it anyway.

There were actually two separate ladders, one at each head/foot of the bunk bed. Though one stopped at the middle bunk, and the other reached towards the top.

Tommy dove onto his brand new mattress, relishing in the softness of it with a loud purr.

“When we leave, we’re stealing these mattresses.” Tommy declared, keeping his voice a little quieter than usual so Kristin wouldn’t overhear.

“We know Kristin well enough now,” Ranboo started, claiming the bottom bunk silently by testing out his own mattress. It was definitely one on the pricier side of things, it was still bouncy, but so plush that Ranboo could comfortably sink into it. “I’m sure that we only need to ask if we can take them home.”

Tommy booed, “where’s the fun in that?”

Ranboo could hear Tubbo scramble into his own bed, humming contentedly before he spoke up, “Tommy, it’d require all three of us just to carry one mattress. How would we even get it home? We’re tiny.”

“We know plenty of people who owe us favors.” Tommy pointed out, “plus, Quackity would be more than willing to help. Seeing as this is the heroes tower and all.”

“I gue-” Ranboo cut himself off as he spotted Enderchest and started to greet her in a much sweeter tone, clicking his tongue together to make enticing cat sounds, “hello Enderchest! Come here baby!”

Ranboo watched Enderchest sniff her way around the room before leaping onto his bed and brushing against him a few times, purring happily before she found a comfortable spot on the mattress to settle down for a nap. Ranboo couldn’t help but coo at her, gently brushing her soft fur and trying not to cry at how cute she is.

Gooper came trotting into the room shortly after, taking his time to explore every nook and cranny before he examined the bunk beds, making sure to stare at each of the boys before he meowed curiously.

“Come on up, Gooper!” Tommy encouraged the slimy cat, patting his mattress. “You can sleep with me!”

Surprisingly, Gooper shook his head, which made Ranboo’s heart wince in sympathy. He knew that Tommy had started to grow quite the attachment to the disguised Slime. He’s always liked the guy, so having a cat version of him around was quite enjoyable for the youngest of the three.

Gooper glanced over his shoulder, his ear flicking as he listened for sounds of if Kristin was approaching. Then he trotted over to the door and gently butted it shut with his head, scratching his cheek against the side before it closed.

He came back to them, and in a low voice said, “I have to tell you something.”

This got the trio’s attention.

They clambered down from their beds to gather around Gooper, keeping their voices to hushed whispers. 

“What’s wrong, Gooper?” Tommy asked first, kneeling down and crouching to be eye-level with their odd little cat friend.

Again, Gooper shook his head, “nothing’s wrong, there’s just… been a change.”

“What is it?” Ranboo asked as Enderchest left her comfortable spot on the bed and instead trotted over to crawl into his lap.

“I’m not sure if you know this already, but…” Gooper took a deep breath, as though he was preparing a confession. “I… it’s hard to explain… but Slime was sent by Quackity to keep an eye on you, so Slime disguised himself as a cat. They hoped Ranboo would pick Slime and not another cat, but obviously that didn’t happen. Well, it did happen, just not in the way Quackity planned.”

“It was pretty obvious.” Tubbo said with a shrug, “I only know one person who is green, slimy, and has the ability to split himself into multiples. Though you’re talking really weird. We know you’re Slime, so why are you talking in the third person?”

“That’s the thing, I’m not Slime. Not anymore.” Gooper said, his tone almost pleading, as though he was desperate for them to believe him. “He and I are completely separate beings now.”

Ranboo’s brow furrowed, “how? Whenever I’ve seen Slime split himself, he’s always in control of each of them.”

“Can you prove that you’re not Slime?” Tubbo asked.

“I- I don’t know.” Gooper sighed, “that depends on your trust in me.”

“Okay,” Tommy spoke up before either of his friends could, “explain the process to us then. Give us any detail that you can to prove that you’re not him anymore. I don’t know about these two, but I want to believe that you’re not a spy.”

Gooper sat quietly for a long moment, his tail tip twitching as he thought.

Finally he seemed to brighten, “okay, for starters, surely you’ve noticed that I don’t speak in the same way Slime does. I’ve been slowly dropping the habits he had, and I’ve been picking up your vocalities instead. I feel as though I speak more human-like than Slime ever did. And I don’t insist that I’m a cat every other sentence anymore. There’s also the fact that I can feel that I’m starting to lose my ability to speak so fluidly, which is why I felt it was necessary to tell you this now instead of later.”

Ranboo hummed, “you have a good point. You’ve become a completely different cat since the day I got you. Not to mention you’ve been acting a little weird since yesterday. You’ve been super quiet and spacey.”

Gooper nodded, his whiskers twitching, “I was undergoing my mitosis then. I had to focus on separating myself from Slime completely, blocking him from my thoughts and my senses. We are now completely different slimes, though I feel more cat than human. I am my own slime now. I think for myself, I speak for myself, and most importantly, I can’t report to Quackity because I severed that link. Not like I would want to do that anyway.”

“Mitosis?” Tommy asked quietly, “like- when a cell splits into two?”

“Exactly!”

“Well technically,” Tubbo started, “mitosis is when a singular cell creates two daughter cells and not just one, which would mean that there are two Goopers.” He shrugged, “don’t quote me on that though, biology has never been my strong suit.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, “you’re such a fucking nerd, Tubbo.”

“I can assure you that there’s only one me.” Gooper said quickly before Tubbo tried to snap back at Tommy for the remark, “Slime has just always referred to it as mitosis.”

“So, you’re just… Gooper now?” Tommy asked.

Gooper nodded, his eyes flicking to the side nervously as his tail moved to tuck itself over his paws. “I hope that’s alright.”

Ranboo glanced at his friends, and his smile grew when he saw their own approval showing. He turned back to Gooper, “It’s more than alright. Though I hope you don’t lose your ability to speak all together. I really like that we have a talking cat.”

Gooper shrugged, “I’m unsure if I’ll lose all or just most of my speaking ability. I’ve been copying Enderchest’s behavior, and some of her fur has brushed off on me, making it easy to copy some of her DNA and adjust my own to match. Not fully, as I don’t think she’d appreciate suddenly being littermates. While I was connected to Slime, I was able to convince him to use a computer and show me a cat’s biology. I’ve slowly been adjusting my mass to account for that. Even if I’m just a solid mass of goop, I can still try my best to be what I feel is right. And I feel as though I’m meant to be a cat. Even if I didn’t want to be a cat, I don’t have enough slime to make myself into anything larger than I already am.”

“I’m happy for you, Gooper.” Ranboo said with a  smile, “and I’m very happy about the fact that we don’t have to be careful about talking in front of you.”

Gooper’s tail flicked happily, and he trotted over to rub his cool face against each of the boys. “Thank you for trusting me. I’ll do my best to continue showing you how I’m no longer linked to Slime. I want you all to have fun here without the concern of being stopped.”

“Does Quackity know where we are?” Tommy asked, leaning forward to scratch Gooper’s chin.

Gooper shook his head while simultaneously leaning into Tommy’s fingers. “He may get word through other means, but it won’t be through me. I cut off my connection while trying to block my hearing. I was even able to sleep for a bit, and continue to claw at our link. I wanted to stick with Tommy to keep his wound nice and cool, but I was careful to tune you three out if I had to.”

“Thanks, Gooper.” Tubbo said, sighing in relief, “if Quackity knew what we were up to, I’m not sure what he’d do. His dad instincts are going through the roof with us like this.”

Ranboo looked at them both, shyly adding, “I don’t know… I kind of like it when Quackity gets all parental. It’s nice to have someone care so deeply about us.”

Tubbo shook his head, “it’s dangerous. It leaves us too vulnerable.” He pointed his finger to both Tommy and Ranboo as he added, “at the end of the day, we have to remember that Quackity is a villain. His care could be fake for all we know.”

What a way to dampen the mood. Great going Tubbo.

Tommy frowned at him, “we’ve known him for a while, Tubs. I don’t think Quackity has the heart to be so cruel. Villain or not.”

Ranboo watched Tubbo deflate a little, “I know… I just- it’s hard to fully trust someone who’s a villain. Even if he’s been with us since the beginning of our villain career.”

“I trust him plenty.” Tommy said.

“Me too.” Ranboo added.

Gopper rubbed his body along Tubbo’s arm in reassurance, “I was a part of Slime once. I know Quackity on a personal level. He is incapable of hurting you three. All he’s ever wanted is to care for you. Ever since you first met. But I can’t say much more than that, as I respect Quackity and his privacy.”

“That’s-” Tubbo started to speak, but he was cut off as Kristin’s voice carried down the hall.

“Lunch is ready!”

The trio eagerly jumped to their feet (Ranboo took an extra second or two to gently pull Enderchest out of his lap), their conversation with Gooper quickly forgotten. “Coming!” Ranboo called. He tried to race to open the door, but Tommy beat him to it, sticking his tongue out at Ranboo before almost slamming into the wall with his speed to escape the room.

This action sparked a quiet race between the three of them.

Their tiny footsteps thundered down the hall, Tommy shoved, Tubbo pushed, Ranboo used his longer legs to take wider steps.

At one point, Tommy shoved him particularly hard, causing Ranboo to trip and land on his stomach, just barely catching himself with his hands.

He glared as Tommy only laughed and barreled ahead.

Alright. If they’re going to play dirty, then anything is fair.

With a smile, Ranboo allowed his chest to hum and vibrate as it grew power, and he set his aim for the kitchen. Tommy and Tubbo were busy shoving and shouting at one another, only barely reaching the living room and leaving Ranboo plenty of time to charge up and teleport.

His world tilted, and he fell into a familiar and comfortable blaze of purple particles that raced around him as his physical body vanished.

Within seconds, he poofed back into existence, his tail flicking happily as he watched Tubbo and Tommy now running towards him instead of away.

Kristin laughed as he appeared next to her, her gaze fond and soft as she quietly told him, “be careful that you don’t teleport when anyone but myself is around. And make sure that you don’t teleport around the building either. There are cameras everywhere outside of the apartments.”

Even though he knew Kristin wasn’t mad at him, his heart still twinged with shame. He should know better.

Kristin, as though reading his thoughts, ruffled his hair gently, “you’re not in trouble, Ranboo. Not at all. It’s just a reminder.”

He relaxed slightly at that, smiling at her.

He was about to respond, but then Tubbo and Tommy finally noticed that he had beaten them to the kitchen.

“You cheated!” Tommy immediately screeched, shoving his way past Tubbo to full force leap at Ranboo, barreling them both over to sprawl on the kitchen floor. 

Tubbo quickly leaped atop them both, resulting in loud screams and laughter as arms and legs were kicked and flailed around.

Ranboo could barely hear Kristin sigh before she bent down to scoop Tommy out of the pile, “you need to be more gentle with your back, love.” Though she didn’t sound upset in the slightest, only concerned.

She leaned down again to scoop up Tubbo and place him on his feet, ruffling his hair fondly before she bent to pull Ranboo to his feet as well. “I’m going to get noise complaints because of you three.” She teased.

“That’s where our chaos begins!” Tommy grinned, drumming his fingers together in a movie villain way. Though it wasn’t very intimidating, seeing as Tommy was a child and his coordination was completely off. When he couldn’t get the movement to work, he switched to rubbing his palms together instead, “If the heroes can’t sleep, then the less they’ll be prepared to deal with us!”

“Sleep deprivation is pretty reliable,” Tubbo hummed, already thinking ahead as always, “but there’s a chance we can get Kristin in trouble. I would like to avoid that if possible, seeing as we are technically guests here.”

Tommy groaned, “fiiiiine. We won’t storm around. But maybe we can find a sneaky way to keep the heroes awake? A way that makes us appear innocent?”

“Now that’s a good idea.” Tubbo said, a grin of his own growing on his cheeks.

Kristin rolled her eyes fondly, “okay boys, that’s enough villain planning for now. Why don’t we eat some lunch? Philza and Techno will be home soon.”

Ranboo watched as Tommy’s eyes practically grew stars in them, he was the most excited of all of them to meet Philza as a regular civilian instead of a villain. Ranboo was more excited to meet Techno personally. He is just- the coolest person of all time.

Tommy’s tail was waving with excitement the longer the silence grew, probably thinking of everything he wanted to say to Philza.

Kristin shooed them towards the dining table, which already had three plastic kids plates with a sandwich each, and some carrots and apple slices on the side.

There was a fourth plate as well, but this one was glass and clearly for Kristin.

The three villains struggled to climb into their chairs, having to stand on their knees in order to reach a decent table height. Kristin giggled at this, watching them as they started to dig into their food. “I’ll have to get you all some boosters so you can sit comfortably.” She walked towards the fridge, “would you like some juice boxes?”

The trio hummed in agreement, unable to speak as their mouths were full.

Kristin gave them their drinks, and finally sat down herself.

For the majority of their meal, they ate in silence, lost in the excitement of their plans coming to fruition. But there was a point where they simply chatted to one another, and the boys caught Kristin up on their activities from the last couple days.

When they were finished, they stuck around to help Kristin clean up despite her excusing them to go play.

Tommy and Tubbo got bored eventually, and quickly wandered off to play with Benson and Gooper. Enderchest stuck with Ranboo though, hopping onto the counter to watch him as he took dish after dish from Kristin and placed it in the dishwasher.

He then got himself a little hand cloth soaked in warm, soapy, water, and tried his best to wipe down the table.

“Thank you for your help, Ranboo.” Kristin said after they finished up their cleaning. “Why don’t you go play with your brothers while we wait for Phil and Techno to come home?”

“Okay!”

Ranboo quickly ran down the hall, his brain buzzing with all of the possibilities that laid in front of them.

---------

Tommy frowned at his friends and tossed his cards down onto the table face up, sitting back in his chair to glare at them. “You’re cheating.”

“No I’m not!” Tubbo quickly insisted, still holding his uno cards close to his chest. “You’re just a sore loser!”

“I wouldn’t be if you weren’t playing dirty!”

“How in the world am I playing dirty?! We’re literally playing uno!”

“Yeah, the bad version of uno!” Tommy crossed his arms, “our version is way better than this one.”

“We agreed to try the real version before we started the game!” Tubbo sighed, sitting back in his chair and throwing his cards on the table as well, revealing a full hand of +4’s and wild cards.

Tommy sat up quickly, his mouth dropping open as he screeched, “I fucking knew it! How did you get all of the fucking good cards?!”

“I’ve been saving them.” Tubbo said simply, sticking out his tongue at Tommy for good measure.

“I think you both played a good game.” Ranboo piped up from his spot on the floor, currently playing with Enderchest by holding a piece of string he found. “Though I have to agree that our version is better. Who knew that us finding an old deck of uno cards without instructions would inspire a new game.”

“I like it too, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy beating Tommy at regular Uno.” Tubbo said with a grin.

Tommy went to respond, but as he opened his mouth, the sound of the front door grabbed all of their attention.

Tommy’s ears flicked forward, trying to hone in on the sound.

The moment he heard, “welcome home, love.” from Kristin, he was on his feet and dashing towards their bedroom door, peeking his head around the corner to see Philza and Techno currently entering the apartment.

Techno caught his eye, and Tommy immediately ducked back, hiding away.

Oh my primes.

It’s finally happening.

Techno and Philza are right there.

And Tommy is just a regular, boring, everyday civilian.

He’s going to be living with his fucking heroes.

“Hullo?” Techno’s voice called down the hall.

Tommy glanced at Tubbo and Ranboo, who were also hiding from view along with him.

Together, they nodded to one another, and peeked around the corner once more, finding Techno and Philza watching for them. 

Philza kneeled down a little bit, his massive black wings lifting so his feathers didn’t bend against the floor. “Hello, I’ve heard a lot about you three.” He smiled at them, gentle and kind. “Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. Right?”

Tommy nodded and carefully stepped into the hall, his tail tucked between his legs. He tried to keep his ears up, but they swiveled back to press flat against his head, his shyness on full display. 

Tubbo and Ranboo were close behind, each of them grabbing one of Tommy’s hands in their own.

Even though they were villains and they had been planning for this moment. Suddenly their nerves were taking over. A fear of being caught in the hornets nest was a nightmare to think of. Their cockiness and confidence from before had vanished within seconds as they met face to face in front of the two top heroes. The two most skilled with their powers and abilities. The two who had saved countless lives many times over.

Seeing their shy silence, Philza started, “my name is Philza. Though I’ve heard that you know that already. One of you is a very big fan apparently. Can you introduce me to who is who?”

Tommy steeled himself.

Why the fuck is he so nervous?! This is the Philza Minecraft sure, but he’s Tommy fucking Innit! He’s more powerful than any hero or villain!

Mentally shaking himself, he cleared his throat as he pointed out each of them, “I’m Tommy, this is Tubbo, and this is Ranboo.”

Philza’s smile widened, seemingly overjoyed at one single question being answered. “It’s lovely to meet you three.”

Tommy couldn’t hold back anymore, he was here. In front of his favorite hero of all time! Even though he fought him literally every other week, this time was different

His tail untucked itself and waved happily as his excitement grew. Tommy dashed down the hall to meet Philza face to face, almost giggling at the look of surprise that crossed the hero’s face.

He stopped in front of the man, his excitement causing him to fidget, clenching and unclenching his hands repeatedly. “I’m your biggest fan!” He proudly stated.

“Ah, I wondered which one you would be.” Philza said with such a fond smile that Tommy almost exploded right then and there. “I should’ve guessed it would be the kid with the golden hair and blue eyes and black cat features. We almost match, you and I.”

“I know!” Tommy said excitedly, rocking up and down on his feet. “I tell Tubbo and Ranboo all the time that we should be related!”

Philza’s eyes widened for a moment, then his expression melted into something impossibly more fond than before. He glanced at Kristin with a look Tommy couldn’t read, but she had a face of, “I told you so” when Philza turned to look back at Tommy.

“Can I hug you?” Tommy blurted out suddenly, which he wasn’t expecting himself to say. He was supposed to say something along the lines of how cool he thought Philza was, or ask if Philza could fly him around sometime. 

He watched Philza’s own shock, but then the man softened and opened his arms, his wings fluffing up behind him.

Tommy took the invitation with no hesitation at all, rushing forward to wrap his arms around Philza’s neck, then wrapping his legs around the man’s waist.

After a long minute, he finally whispered, “I’m never letting go.”

He heard and felt Philza chuckle. “You’ll have to eventually.”

Tommy shook his head.

“Love, if you think Tommy is going to let go anytime soon,” Kristin began, a subtle tease in her tone, “you’re about to learn that this kid is more stubborn than a herd of mules. If he says he’s never letting go, then he’s never letting go.”

Philza scoffed, “surely he can’t hang onto me forever.”

Tubbo suddenly laughed, “now you’ve done it! He’s going to see that as a challenge now!”

To prove this, Tommy hugged the man even tighter, burying his face into Phil’s shoulder and nodding to agree with Tubbo.

He could hear Tubbo approach, his hoof steps muffled by the carpet. Tubbo tapped on his shoulder to indicate he was talking to Tommy and not Philza, “bet you can’t hug Philza until dinnertime.”

“You’re on.” Tommy said, a challenge in his tone. He was never going to let go of Philza now. He’d remain a permanent attachment to the man. He would have to die before he released this fucker from his hold.

“There’s no way…” Philza mumbled, sounding unsure. He let go of his own embrace around Tommy and stood up, trying to see if he could simply stand to loosen Tommy’s hold, but this only encouraged an even tighter embrace.

“Can I at least get dressed into my pajamas?” Philza asked, “we can say that it won’t count if you let go for that amount of time.”

Tubbo hummed, “I suppose it should be allowed… those clothes you have on are probably gross with sweat and dirt.” There was a long pause, then Tubbo finally said, “alright Tommy, let Philza get dressed, then the bet is on.”

Slowly and reluctantly, Tommy loosened his hold to slide his way down Philza’s body. But the man caught him and helped him to the ground instead. “I guess I’m not getting out of this, am I?”

Tommy shook his head, grinning at his hero.

With a sigh, though not out of annoyance, Philza passed the boys towards his and Kristin’s room, ruffling each of the boys' hair as he passed.

The second his bedroom door shut, Techno added in a soft voice, “I bet I can carry both Ranboo and Tubbo without any struggle and keep them on me longer than Phil.”

Tommy watched Tubbo’s mischievous grin grow, “five bucks says Tommy will not budge until dinner.”

“You’re voting against me?” Techno asked in shocked amusement. “I thought we were going to be a team!”

Ranboo shrugged, finally stepping forward, though Tommy could tell by the stiffness in his shoulders that he was feeling a little shy. Ranboo was quite the fan of Techno after all. “You don’t know Tommy as well as we do. If he has his mind set on something, he’s not going to let up until he wins. I’m with Tubbo on this one.”

Techno scoffed, “okay, then I’m changing my bet to Phil being able to convince Tommy to let go.”

Now it was Tommy’s turn to laugh, “you’re betting on an old man besting me? Wow, heroes really are quite dumb at times.”

“And now you’re insulting me!” Techno laughed, “wow mom, you really found the most feral kids on the street, didn’t you?”

“I did, didn’t I?” Kristin smiled, sending a knowing wink their way. “Though I think they’re absolute angels.”

Tommy blinked innocently up at Techno, “you hear that big man? We’re perfect all the time. We could do no wrong ever.”

Techno glanced down the hall, his piglin ear twitching as he listened for any sign of Phil leaving his bedroom. When he deemed it safe, he crouched down and whispered, “I literally know who you are and what you do in your spare time. Though I have no idea how I saw RaccoonInnit running around literally less than thirty minutes ago.”

Tubbo grinned evilly, “and you’ll never find out.”

At this point, Philza finally left his bedroom, dressed in a full set of green and white striped pajamas. They seemed to be made of an expensive material, Tommy could see the quality even at the other end of the hall. The shirt was a button up with a comfortable and loose collar, and there was even a little pocket on the left side of the chest. The bottoms were loose and almost flowy, and for once Philza had taken off his hat, leaving his straw blond hair on full display, the strands reaching his shoulders.

Tommy dashed forward and easily scrambled his way up Philza’s body to cling onto him once more, laughing at how he immediately caught Philza off-guard. He secured himself by locking his legs around Philza’s waist once more, and his arms around Philza’s neck.

He stuck out his tongue at Techno, who took the challenge to heart. The man crouched down, instructing both Tubbo and Ranboo to hold on, causing them to giggle at his pigling snorts of protest when Ranboo climbed to be on top of his shoulders, while Tubbo mirrored Tommy’s position.

“What are you doing?” Philza asked, his question breaking into a laugh as Techno winced when Ranboo accidentally pulled on his braid while trying to settle himself.

“We have a bet!” Tubbo happily announced, “though it really has nothing to do with us climbing on Techno. I think he just wants to display that he’s stronger than you.”

Philza snorted, “that’s not something that needs to be proven, mate. We all know you’re stronger than all of the heroes here.”

Techno shrugged, “this part is more for fun, and it’s also another way to try and win this bet. I have my methods.”

“I can’t believe you’re betting against children.” Philza sighed, “kids, do you even have the money for this?”

“Nope!” Tubbo said happily.

“It’s only five dollars, love.” Kristin said, coming over to kiss Phil on the cheek, purposefully squishing Tommy between them both and laughing as Tommy laughed. Then she moved away, brushing her hands through Tommy’s curls, “I’ll supply that. We’ll call it an allowance.”

“Free money!” Tubbo cheered.

“I don’t see it as free,” Kristin started, “I think you earned it with how helpful you were for your travel here.”

“Hell yeah, we earned money and we weren’t even trying!” Tommy exclaimed, “boys, we’ll be fucking rich in no time!”

Phil’s eyebrows raised, “oh my Primes, Tommy, you are way too young to be cursing like that.”

Tommy grinned, making direct eye contact as he simply said, “fuck.”

“I will make a swear jar, and that is a threat.” Phil told him, though his tone was light.

Tommy groaned, dramatically dropping his head onto Philza’s shoulder. “That’s not poggers of you Phil. In fact, that’s… uhm- very mean. I will cry.”

Philza looked at Tubbo and Ranboo, “is he always like this?”

Ranboo nodded, “oh yeah, all the time. Tommy is our resident drama queen.”

“I am not!”

Ranboo leveled a look at him, “are you really going to fight me on this?”

“You know I will.”

“You’ll both have to get down to do that, which means you’d forfeit your bet.” Philza said with a chuckle.

“Tomorrow,” Tommy started, tightening his hold on Phil as he light-heartedly glared at Ranboo, “at dawn. We fight to the death.”

Ranboo nodded seriously, “to the death.”

“You better not get blood on the carpets.” Techno said, “getting those replaced would mean having strangers in our apartment for hours.”

“You’d also have to hide one of their dead bodies!” Tubbo added much too cheerily.

“Where do you suggest doing that, Tubbo?” Techno asked.

Tubbo hummed, thinking for a long moment. He almost seemed to have an answer, but Tommy could tell just from his facial expressions that it was quickly vetoed in trade of, “I don’t know, I’m like- three years old.”

A bird-like coo came from Philza, and he finally used his arms to hold Tommy more comfortably, hugging him close. “Oh my Primes. Kristin, they’re fledglings.”

Philza’s wing fluffed up, spreading to shield Tommy from the world. Tommy looked up at the man to see his pupils blown wide, an odd series of quiet chirps forcing themselves from his throat.

“He’s going bird brain!” Tubbo laughed, grabbing Techno’s arm that wasn’t currently holding him up and using it as a shield. “Techno, protect us before he tries putting us in a nest!”

“It’s too late for that,” Techno shrugged, “you’re already in the nest.”

Philza’s arm wrapped just a little too tightly against Tommy’s back, and he hissed as a flash of pain ran up his spine.

Phil’s head immediately jerked down and his hold loosened, a heavy concern in his eye as he quietly asked, his voice muffled from the world by a curtain of black feathers. “Tommy? What’s wrong?”

Tommy stayed quiet for a long moment, trying to remember one of the many excuses he had practiced in his head a million times before. “The other day I slipped off a ladder and landed on my back very hard. I’m okay though, it’s just bruised.”

Phil’s wings pressed even further around them as he hugged Tommy even closer, though this time he was careful to keep any pressure off of Tommy’s back. “We’ll take you to the healer today, little one.”

A hand reached into the crack between the sheltering wings, gently prying one back to reveal Kristin. “Phil love, I know they’re kids, but you can’t smother them like this. Get that bird brain of yours sorted or I’m going to take Tommy and hold him in my arms instead.”

Phil let out half of a hiss of protest, but stopped himself quickly when Kristin raised a brow at him. He cleared his throat. “Right. Right. Okay.” He sighed, and he slowly forced his wings away to fold against his back once more. “No bird brain. Got it.”

“Phiiiiil,” Tommy whined, wanting the older man’s attention on him. He had to befriend this hero. When Philza finally looked back at him he asked, putting on his best pleading eyes, “I want to fly.”

Philza’s expression once again melted into a look of fondness, “maybe when your back is better mate. I can take you on a flight then. I don’t want to risk you getting hurt anymore.”

“It’s just flying! I won’t get hurt! Not unless you drop me.”

“Tommy,” Kristin pitched in, in an odd way, her tone sounded motherly somehow. “I also think it’s best to wait for your back to heal. Phil could hold you wrong, or you could slip from his grasp, or any number of things. I’d prefer if you remained here and safe.”

Tommy sighed as dramatically as he could muster, “booooo, you’re both no fun.”

“We just care for your health and safety, dear.” Kristin told him with a smile, ruffling his hair before planting a kiss on his forehead.

“Besides, it’s only for a short while.” Philza said, glancing at Kristin, “I want to take you to our healer so you can get back to playing.”

“The healer? Don’t you think they’ll be too busy to heal a bruised back?” Techno asked, “I mean, Eret would never say no, but they have a limited amount of power they can use. I don’t want them to be exhausted if an emergency comes through the door.”

“I’m not going to force Eret to heal him,” Philza defended himself, brushing a hand through Tommy’s curls, “I’m just asking. Since it’s a bruise, I don’t believe it’ll cost much magic to heal, but of course it’s entirely up to them.”

“I guess there’s no harm in checking…” Kristin said with a sigh, “though we need to make certain that she doesn’t feel obligated to heal Tommy in any way. As much as I would love for Tommy to run around with his usual energy, I don’t want to put any hero’s lives at risk.”

“Don’t worry too much love,” Phil said, his tone gentle as he leaned forward to kiss Kristin on the cheek, “Eret is very honest about their abilities and how much energy they have to heal. I’m sure that if they can’t then they won’t. It’s that simple.”

As Tommy listened to this family talking about how they wanted him to feel better, a warmth spread through his body. The simple knowledge of being cared for in a world that never quite cared for him or his friends meant more to Tommy than he ever thought possible.

He pushed the gushy thoughts aside and changed the topic with a loud, “I want to do something. I’m bored!”

“Well, you could always let go of me and run along to play?” Philza suggested with a chuckle.

Tommy only held on tighter, “absolutely not.”

Kristin hummed, glancing back at a clock on the wall, “I don’t know… it’s nearly your nap time.”

“Nap time?” Tommy wrinkled his nose, “we don’t need naps, we’ve got energy for days!”

Kristin raised a knowing brow at him. Now that she mentioned it, the idea did sound quite appealing. He was starting to get sleepy with his stomach full of food and the feeling of safety around him. Plus, Phil was comfortably warm, making the idea of a nap even more appealing.

“Then how about a movie?” Kristin asked, though Tommy could still see a spark of trickery in her eye.

Tommy knew her tricks, she was trying to put them to sleep! Movies made anyone pass the fuck out if they’re tired enough! Though the idea sounded appealing. They didn’t have too many movies back at home. Though they didn’t have much time to watch movies either. Villain life called for a massive chunk of their time in the day. So maybe it’d be fun to try and find something they hadn’t watched before. He shook his head, he had to fight against these tricks! He had to fight against napping! “Can’t we get a tour of the tower instead? I want to meet the heroes!” He asked quickly, pouting his lip at Kristin.

Ranboo raised his hand excitedly, “I vote to watch a movie!” Sheepishly he added, “sorry Tommy, I don’t think I have enough energy to meet a bunch of new people right now.”

Tubbo shrugged and joined in, “I’d be down for a movie. We can always get a tour later.”

He’s been outnumbered. This family was against him sneaking around the heroes tower to learn anything. How dare they.

Begrudgingly, he accepted the idea, and the family moved to settle on their couch. Philza and Techno still held the trio in their arms. 

The family asked the trio what they would want to watch, and they eventually settled on watching some nature documentary due to Ranboo’s use of puppy eyes.

Tommy could just tell that the guy wanted a nap and chose one of the most boring options available in the hopes of lulling Tommy to sleep.

Too bad for Ranboo, Tommy is fucking immune to feeling tired.

The family settled on the couch, with Kristin sitting next to Philza. Which meant that Tommy could snuggle both of them at the same time.

Within the first 15 minutes of the documentary, he could hear both Tubbo and Ranboo’s snores as they succumbed to sleep.

But Tommy was determined to stay awake.

He didn’t need a nap.

He was much too cool to need something as silly as sleep.

--------

The nature documentary was almost over, and Kristin could see out of the corner of her eye as Tommy stubbornly scrubbed sleep out of his eyes over and over again.

He was sitting up at this point, still clinging to Phil, but forcing his body to remain upright instead of relaxing. Every once in a while, he’d ask a question about the animal on screen, trying to remain awake by talking.

Unluckily for Tommy, Kristin had already adjusted the boys to taking a nap in the middle of the day in the short time she’s known them. Though Tommy is a stubborn little shit, and now that she thinks of it, she really should’ve known that a movie wouldn’t be enough to lull him to sleep.

Tubbo and Ranboo had fallen asleep at the beginning of the documentary. With Tubbo slipping off of Techno and landing on Kristin instead, his head in her lap as he curled into a tiny ball, his hooves digging into Techno’s thigh. Though Techno didn’t complain.

Ranboo somehow remained clinging to Techno, and eventually her son had to move from the couch to his recliner, keeping Ranboo balanced on his stomach so the boy could lay down.

Kristin leaned closer to Phil, speaking directly into his ear and whispering as quietly as she possibly could, “you need to rock him to sleep.”

Phil pulled away from her to show a confused expression, mouthing to her, “how?”

When he leaned back towards her she whispered once more, “for all your bird brain around kids, you’d think you’d have this down to a science.”

“Techno was in his teens when we adopted him, we’ve never had a toddler on our hands.”

“It’s instinct love, just stand up, hold him, and bounce him gently. As you bounce him, rock him back and forth slowly and I assure you he will pass out immediately.”

Phil sent her a disbelieving look, but he struggled to get to his feet anyway, holding Tommy close as he did so.

“Where’re we going?” Tommy asked sleepily, his tiny hands scrubbing once more at his eyes. “Don’t take me to bed, ‘m not tired.”

Phil chucked ever so fondly, and Kristin mused at the fact that she hasn’t seen Phil act like this in quite a while. He only ever gets so fondly bird brained when the heroes go to visit children’s hospitals. Though Phil tends to take more trips to the hospitals than most other heroes, bringing Techno along with him each time.

There’s no doubt that her husband has become attached to these kids in the short time of knowing them. Even if it’s barely been two hours. Phil has always been endlessly kind and loving, especially when it came to children. He wanted nothing more than to care for others.

“Don’t worry Tommy,” Phil was saying as Kristin tuned back into the present, “I’m just stretching my legs.”

Kristin watched as her husband started rocking the boy back and forth. He was hesitant at first, but she watched as instinct started to kick in, and before she knew it, Philza was gently bouncing Tommy and rocking him at the same time, rubbing Tommy’s back with his nails as he moved.

Within barely a minute, Kristin could tell that Tommy was knocked the fuck out. 

His breathing evened out, and his body was completely limp against Phil.

For a couple more minutes, Phil continued to do all the soothing movements, making sure that Tommy was actually asleep.

A tiny snore cemented the fact that the boy was resting peacefully.

Kristin smirked at her husband, “I told you it would work.”

Childishly, Phil stuck his tongue out at her, but there was a subtle, proud smile on his face. 

“Alright, let’s get them to bed. I’ll take Tubbo.” Kristin said, her voice still hushed. She gestured for Techno to follow along as well, though she was a tad bit reluctant to do so seeing how comfortable both Techno and Ranboo looked. Before he got up, she quickly snapped a photo of the pair on her phone.

Techno chuckled softly when he noticed her taking a photo, but then he adjusted Ranboo so he could slowly stand to his feet, being cautious to not jostle the boy too much.

Kristin led the way to the trio’s bedroom, then paused as she realized that reaching the middle or top bunks would be very difficult while holding a sleeping child, not to mention, she didn’t get the chance to help the kids make their beds earlier so the mattresses were bare.

She sighed to herself, then carefully handed Tubbo over to Techno. She didn’t know which boy claimed which mattress, but she assumed Tommy would take the top bunk and maybe Tubbo would take the bottom bunk, seeing as Benson probably couldn’t reach the middle one.

Kristin shrugged, if she guessed wrong then she could simply change it later.

With that, she spread out Tubbo’s green sheet set, then took Tubbo back from Techno, gently laying him across the bed from left to right instead of head to foot. He still fit perfectly fine on the mattress despite this.

“How do we get up?” Techno whispered, rocking his body back and forth as he watched Kristin.

“We don’t.” She stepped back and gestured to how Tubbo was settled, “just lay them next to one another. If they wake up and are still tired, they can move to their own bunks.”

Techno nodded, then carefully laid Ranboo down to the left of Tubbo. There was a small struggle, apparently Ranboo can lock his fingers around someone despite being asleep. But Techno finally escaped, a fond chuff escaping his nose.

Kristin glanced at her husband expectantly, but found that his wings had started to fluff up and slowly move around the pair. She shook her head, and put out her hand to stop the soft feathers from hiding the two away.

“Phil.”

Phil blinked at her as he was pulled away from his bird brained thoughts. He shook his head, cleared his throat awkwardly, then reluctantly went to lay Tommy down on the right side of Tubbo.

Techno left the room first, but came back with one of their fluffiest and softest blankets in his arms, tucking the trio in and making sure the blanket was secure around them and keeping all the warmth inside.

Kristin shooed her boys out of the room. As they left, Benson, Enderchest, and Gooper came trotting inside, hopping up onto the mattress to lay down with their owners.

When Kristin shut the door behind them, Phil immediately said, “you never told me that they all had pets.”

“I would’ve told you if I knew, but the pets are new to me as well. Apparently they got them from a friend the other day, and the duck chose to stay with Tubbo after an incident in the park.”

“An incident?” Techno mouthed.

Kristin didn’t know all the details, it was only mentioned in passing during their lunch together. “There was some rude old man in the park. Apparently Benson has quite the sway over the ducks in the area and had them swarm him so the boys could get away.”

Phil’s face twitched in subtle anger, “old men are insufferable.”

“Says the old man.” Techno teased, a soft piglin snort following.

Phil chucked, gently shoving Techno away from him as the family walked back to the living room. “You little shit.”

They settled themselves down on the couch, though none of them went to turn on the tv. Instead, they each grabbed a book from the coffee table or the bookshelf, and began reading. Simply enjoying the presence of one another.

The silence was interrupted as Phil suddenly asked, “was it just me, or did you two notice that the boys are surprisingly eloquent when it comes to their speech? I’ve been around plenty of three year olds, and not too many of them have been able to organize their thoughts into clear words.”

Kristin glanced over to Techno, who subtly raised a questioning brow at her. He was offering to step in if Kristin couldn’t think of an answer. Luckily, she has been prepared for this. “I’ve told you that they’re incredibly smart kids. They have plenty of friends that have taught them how to read and write, and their speech is advanced thanks to that amount of care.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, because I still would love for the boys to stay with us for this visit, but I’m curious.” Phil started, though it was definitely a worrying way to start a sentence. “Why weren’t they staying with one of their friends instead of living on their own?”

Kristin opened her mouth to reply, but she found that she didn’t have an answer for that particular question. She hadn’t really thought of it. “I… don’t know. They haven’t told me that at least.”

Techno cleared his throat to gain their attention, and with a shrug he said, “I suppose that’s something we should ask them then. I’m sure they’ll tell us if they want to.”

“You’re right, Techno.” Phil said, “I guess that it’s best if I simply ask them directly about the things I’m curious over.”

Techno nodded, then went back to his book.

Phil copied this, but Kristin could tell that he wasn’t reading, his thoughts were somewhere else entirely.

The urge to come up with every excuse in the world for them was strong, but Kristin could fight it. She had to.

She has to let the boys decide what to tell and not to tell them. She has to give them that choice over her excuses for them.

If they were caught in a lie, then it’d be too suspicious. Though she was certain they could easily lie it away without a second of hesitation. 

It was best for them to explain their own lives. 

The last thing she wanted to do was overshare something that should’ve never been shared.

Kristin sighed, then turned back to her own book.

Her boys were capable of anything. She has to let them prove that time and time again.

She trusts them after all.

Chapter Text

A rapid and aggressive knock at the front door woke Tommy the next morning. He groggily sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

He could hear Techno shuffle out of bed next door, his heavy, tired footsteps just loud enough to catch Tommy’s ears. The knocking ceased, and in its place, a very very bitter voice sounded across the whole apartment.

“Techno.” Uh-oh… that was a familiar tone. Tommy decided he would stay in bed for this one.

Him, Tubbo, and Ranboo might’ve pulled quite the series of pranks on one of the heroes, Sam, aka Trident, last night…

After they woke up from their nap yesterday, all cuddled together in a pile of warmth, they had way too much energy bubbling in them. 

For the rest of the evening they used it to play games and chatter endlessly to the family who invited them to stay here. Tommy’s game of clinging to Philza for the rest of his days was quickly forgotten when Phil suddenly walked him to the tower’s healer.

The healer’s name was Eret, and Tommy found that he quite liked her now that he’s met her in person. For several minutes he gushed about how cool Eret’s hero work was as Majesty, recalling some of his favorite interviews and grainy footage from a random civilian catching her healing a hero midfight and still defending herself with little trouble at all. Even though Tommy became a villain, he’s never gotten over his adoration for a hero, even though they were wronguns for working for a corporation instead of the people. Tommy didn’t mention that part to them though.

Eret was kind and gentle, and said something to Phil about having more than enough energy to heal Tommy. Apparently kids have really weird and flexible bones that heal much quicker than adults. According to Eret, it was a very simple fix as well. They listed off Tommy’s injuries to him, multiple strained muscles, a sprained spine, a cracked rib, and of course a full art display of bruising that decorated his back. Though Eret was curious on how Tommy managed to damage his back so much just by falling off a ladder. 

Tommy told her that the ladder was very very tall, trying his best to look as though he wasn’t lying. It felt like Eret would be able to tell right away, seeing as she easily diagnosed all of his injuries with a single touch.

But Eret accepted the excuse without question, then healed Tommy right up. In a swirl of gold sparkles and a warmth that spread from Eret’s hands, Tommy felt better than he has in days. Honestly, he felt as though he’s never had a single injury in his life!

Though there is one important detail that he’s skipping over… When Eret first held Tommy’s hand in hers to diagnose him, there was a moment where her brow furrowed in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked curiously, ignoring a spike of panic that stabbed through his stomach for reasons he couldn’t discern.

“I-” Eret started, but then she shook their head, and the confused look on her face melted away into a kind smile. “Nevermind. Don’t you worry your cute little head.”

She ruffled Tommy’s hair, causing him to giggle. 

It was a short interaction, but Eret muttered something Tommy couldn’t hear into Phil’s ear after she healed Tommy up.

Then it was over. 

Tommy thanked Eret, then Phil and him were on their way back to the rest of the family.

In celebration, Kristin cracked open a tub of icecream for them, and Tommy played with Tubbo and Ranboo in the rough way he always used to. He didn’t have to worry about his back hurting anymore and it was quite possibly the best feeling of his life.

After everyone went to bed… that’s when the trio got up to their usual shenanigans. It was a second celebration for Tommy’s healed back, but a celebration between only him and his best friends. So, after clicking on a “random” elevator button, they found themselves at Sam’s apartment.

They only pulled some tame pranks really! Nothing too crazy!

A bucket of water mixed with glitter balanced on a slightly open door, some legos buried and hidden in between the material of the carpet, a small singular tile in the kitchen greased with oil to cause the man to slip (though they hoped he wouldn’t be too harmed by it), handprints made of some acrylic paint they found were slapped across all of the floor to ceiling windows in the main room of the apartment, they even managed to steal a few lightbulbs, and to top it all off, Tommy had brought along some crayons and markers with him and together the three drew quite the mural of a hodgepodge of things on the wall.

They made their escape just in time before Sam returned to his own apartment, and they ran back home with suppressed giggles.

Tommy had to admit, now that he was actually awake and not woken up in the middle of the night by the proposition of sneaking out and causing trouble, they left just a little too much evidence it was them. Splattering their tiny hands over the windows wasn’t the best idea in hindsight. 

Guiltily, he hid himself underneath his blanket, listening to the muffled voices at the front door. Thank the primes for his hybrid enhanced hearing.

“-trying out a new look?” Tommy heard Techno snicker as he finally tuned in, “it’s quite… sparkly.”

“Shut up, Techno. I want to talk to your kids.”

“They’re not my kids. They’re orphans staying with us for a bit. Though just between you and I,” Techno’s voice lowered to a volume Tommy couldn’t hear anymore. His heart skipped a beat in his chest, did Techno want to send them home? Did he want to arrest them? Was he telling Sam that Tommy and his friends were some of the most wanted villains in the city?

“Adoption?!” Sam said, and all of Tommy’s worries flew right out of the window and crumpled in the breeze. In their stead came a curious feeling of… hope.

No. Nope. Absolutely not. That’s the same as being arrested. Being watched over by heroes all the time would ruin his chances to go out and have fun. He quite liked being a menace and attacking evil people and pulling off crazy heists all the time. If he couldn’t do that, what would he be? He was never made to be a good person in a cruel world.

“Keep your voice down,” Techno hissed, “you’ll wake up the whole tower. More importantly, you’ll wake the kids.”

“Good. I need to speak with them anyway.” Sam said with a bite of anger returning in his tone, “their behavior has been unacceptable. If they’re going to be living in the tower, then they shouldn’t be allowed to deface someone’s apartment without any consequences.”

“Deface your…” Techno sighed, “How do you even know it was them? There are plenty of people in this tower who would love to pull a prank on you. Myself included.”

There’s a long pause as though Sam is showing physical evidence, then Techno said, “alright. That’s a fair piece of evidence.”

“There are no others in the tower with such tiny handprints. Though I have no idea how they managed to put a bucket of water and glitter on my doorway. Or how they did all of this in the short hour I wasn’t in my apartment for the night.”

“Look Sam, I’m sorry they did all of this to you,” Techno said with a sigh, “but it’s only 5am and I don’t have work in the morning for the first time in months. Can I please go back to bed and we can deal with this later?”

“I’m sorry Techno, but no. I can’t just leave this unsaid.” Sam told him, “for all I know, if I leave and come back, the boys won’t be home and someone would manage to sneak them past me.”

Techno scoffed, “as if. Kristin and Phil raised me phenomenally. The kids may be a little bothersome at times, but they’ll be harder to deal with if we yank them out of bed at the first light of dawn. Just wait for people to wake up at least?

He couldn’t hear what Sam said, his tone defeated and muffled. But then it cut back in once more, “alright fine. I’ll be back at ten, and those boys better be awake and on their best behavior.”

“Sounds good. Goodnight.” Techno didn’t give Sam the chance to reply before he shut the door. His footsteps shuffled down the hall, and for a second Tommy feared he was coming for them. But then he turned into his room, and shut his door.

Within minutes, he could hear Techno’s gentle snores. 

The sounds quickly rocked Tommy back into sleep, his mind still flipping through various excuses they could use.

--------

“Boys, it’s time to wake up.” Kristin’s voice drifted into his sleeping mind. Slowly, Tommy blearily awoke, cracking open his eyes to see Kristin standing at their door, a subtle concerned look on her face. “We have a guest, and I’m afraid if I don’t wake you up now, then he’ll come and wake you up himself.”

Tommy quickly pushed himself to sit up, a panic zipping through his limbs. He gripped the safety rails of his bed and stood on his knees to show Kristin he was fully awake. “Is it Sam?”

Kristin sighed, “it is. I really should’ve guessed that someone in the tower would guess you three were pulling pranks. I didn’t even know you went out last night. Though I didn’t expect for you to be so obvious it was you. Placing your tiny little handprints all over the windows is not the most subtle hint you could give.”

“We weren’t-” Tubbo cut himself off with a yawn, and Tommy could hear him shifting in the bottom bunk. Kristin helped them set up their beds yesterday, and after pointing out that Benson would struggle getting to the middle bunk, Ranboo and Tubbo traded places. Tommy was still on the top bunk, but now Ranboo was in the middle, and Tubbo was at the very bottom. “We weren’t really thinking about it. We woke up in the middle of the night after all. It’s hard to think clearly when it’s so late.”

Kristin pinched the bridge of her nose, “come along troublemakers. I’m afraid you can’t hide from the consequences of your actions this time.”

Slowly but surely, and with Kristin’s encouragement, the three got out of bed to stand on the floor.

Tommy found himself blearily looking back towards their beds, searching for their pets. Apparently Gooper had left the warmth of Tommy’s bed in the night so he could cuddle up next to Enderchest. Both of them were purring loudly, Gooper’s head tucked underneath Enderchest’s chin.

Tommy barely managed to restrain himself from going over and petting them, distracting himself by paying attention to Kristin once more. “Should we get dressed?” he asked, scrubbing at the sleepiness in his eyes.

Kristin hummed, then whispered, “no. We want to try and manipulate Sam to lessen whatever punishment or scolding he has in mind. Stay in your pajamas and… ahah!” Kristin suddenly marched over to their closet, opening it and reaching for the top shelf that the boys couldn’t access if they tried. “I meant to give these to you yesterday, but it slipped my mind. These will help you three look even cuter than you already are.”

She pulled out three different colored gift bags, color coded of course. One red, one purple, and one green.

“Welcome home, boys.” Kristin said as the trio moved aside the crinkle paper.

Inside of Tommy’s bag were two things. One was a small blanket, obviously a baby blanket seeing how perfectly soft it was. It was brown with big, random spots of white, the pattern meant to be designed after a cow.

The second item was a little stuffed animal that matched the blanket. A tiny cow that Tommy could already feel an attachment towards. He held it against his chest, thanking the primes that Kristin was the best woman on this earth and grateful that he had crossed paths with this woman who was so very kind to them despite the fact that he and his friends most likely didn’t deserve it.

It felt so good to be cared for.

Tommy looked to see what Tubbo and Ranboo had to distract himself from his sappy thoughts.

Tubbo had pulled out a stuffie of a very round bumblebee, and a pastel yellow baby blanket with tiny little bees all over it.

Ranboo was already hugging a polar bear plushie and holding a pastel purple baby blanket with cutesy dancing polar bears dotted across it.

“I hope you don’t mind the polar bears, Ranboo.” Kristin said, biting her lip nervously, “I didn’t know your favorite animal so Techno offered to pick out a blanket and stuffed animal. He ended up picking his favorite animal instead, but he thought you’d like it as well.”

“I love it.” Ranboo said, his eyes wide with awe as he stared into the plushies eyes. “Thank you, Kristin.”

Kristins nerves melted away, and a loving smile took their place instead.

“How did you know I like cows?” Tommy asked, wrapping his new blanket around himself while trying to keep a firm hold on Henry. Yes, he’s named his cow already.

“Tubbo mentioned it in passing while we were talking once.” Kristin chuckled, “I’ve kept it in mind ever since.”

Tommy’s heart flipped in his chest. Primes, he loved this woman. How is it possible for someone to be so kind?

Tubbo said nothing, but Tommy caught how his eyes watered slightly, and how tight his hold was on both the plushie and blanket. Tubbo has always been the least trusting, but to Tommy, it was obvious that Tubbo trusted Kristin with their lives. To Tommy, he could see that Kristin’s actions, big or small, always chipped at Tubbo’s walls a little more.

The trio said their thank you’s, and Kristin kept them in the room a little longer as she quickly grabbed some of Ranboo’s face makeup and some wipes and helped him to reapply and clean up any of the smeared edges. She had a reference photo of what it looked like the first time, so it looked pretty damn close to how Ranboo’s face was yesterday. 

With a quick spritz of setting spray, the makeup was completed and Kristin ushered them along, taking the rear.

Tommy could only imagine how precious and innocent they’d all look now. Fresh out of bed, still in their pajamas and bed hair, holding cute plushies and blankets close to their chests. It was even better that they were all wearing matching footie pajamas where they were designed after pink pigs. They each had a hood complete with pig ears, a snout, and beady black eyes. In the back where a curly tail was supposed to be, Kristin had made some holes there instead for their real tails to stick out of comfortably.

They only wore them because Techno said he picked out some of their pajamas while shopping with Kristin. He got the pig ones mostly as a joke since, you know, he’s a piglin. Techno seemed a little embarrassed when he showed them the onesies, so the trio took it upon themselves to say that they loved them and agreed to wear them together.

After all, Techno was the coolest guy ever, they couldn’t let him feel bad about getting them cutesie pajamas.

Plus, it was very funny to watch Philza jump off the balcony and fly around in an attempt to stop his bird brain from taking over.

Tommy shook himself out of his thoughts as they reached the end of the hall, Ranboo had his hood up to show off the pig features, while Tubbo and Tommy kept theirs down. The trio peaked around the corner, seeing Sam sitting on the couch, his foot tapping impatiently and a deep scowl on his face. Techno and Philza were making light conversation, trying to include Sam when they could, but he didn’t seem to be interested in engaging.

Tommy’s first impression upon seeing the guy up close was that he looked cool as fuck. He was also very very … green. His hair was green, highlighted with a couple darker greens and even a small bit of gray every now and again. His hair was darker than his skin, which was, who would've guessed, also green. Though peaking above the bulky black gas mask he always wore were some dark green freckles that spattered across his cheeks and nose. His eyes were pitch black in both the sclera and pupil, with his iris being a thin ring of glowing yellow that seemed to pierce into the very soul of whoever he looked at. His ears were much like an animal’s but Tommy couldn’t guess what animal he could possibly be. They were covered in green fur that faded to black at the tips, long and pointed downwards, and placed in the same spot a human’s would be. The best fucking physical feature about Sam had to be the fact that the palms of his hands were fucking padded, similar to a cat. He had dark green toe beans.

The man was wearing a crown despite not being in his hero outfit, but it looked cool so Tommy could respect that the guy wanted to wear it. Sam was also wearing a simple yellow hoodie and some baggy and comfortable looking black sweatpants. Of course he still had that gas mask on. Rumor has it that he never took the thing off, even to sleep.

Kristin nudged them out of the hall, encouraging them forward with a smile. 

“Sam,” Kristin called. Sam’s eyes immediately flicked to her, then down to the boys.

It was something else to watch in real time as a sinister looking man’s scowl mostly melted away into a look of surprise and fucking awe. His ears even pitched further downwards, hugging his skull.

Tommy knew that they were the cutest fucking bitches in this room. It’s no wonder Sam couldn’t be angry at them.

“This is Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. They’ll be staying in the tower for a bit.” Kristin introduced them, “boys, this is Sam. He’s also a hero, but he spends most of his time developing the tech the heroes use.”

“Which hero are you?” Tommy asked, tilting his head to the side curiously. He had to remain as cute as possible if they were to avoid punishment.

Of course he knew exactly who Sam was. He knows all of the heroes and their real identities by heart. But as a child, he needs to pretend that he doesn’t recognize the man immediately. He’ll have to act his little heart out. Trident was a hero Tommy respected and loved, he deserved only the best reaction from a child recognizing him.

“I- I’m uh…” Sam shook his head and cleared his throat, forcing himself to remain stern. “I’m the hero known as Trident. I doubt you’ve heard of me, I’m not on the field often.”

Tommy widened his eyes as though he were surprised at the answer. 

Then the thought settled in, and a genuine wave of excitement washed over him. He’s actually meeting Trident right now. In the flesh. Face to face. To make things even better, this situation allows him to ramble yet again about some of his favorite heroes. His tail flicked happily behind him.

“Trident!” Tommy managed to shout out first, then the waterfall of words came soon after, “you single-handedly evacuated an entire building that was on fire with no casualties! You took down a drug empire within a week of taking the case, and not only that, but you’re also the brains behind the game changer of hero armor that looks like clothing but has the ability to stop a bullet from piercing skin! It leaves a nasty bruise of course, but that’s better than being shot through!”

Sam blinked, the gold iris of his eye thinning into an even smaller ring as his pupils dilated. He opened his mouth to try and speak, but nothing came out, so Tommy took over once again.

“You’re one of the scariest heroes to date when it comes to villains, but when it comes to a kid seeing you, you lose that scary look immediately and make sure to greet them.” Tommy said next, his brain going a mile per second, “I’ve been a big fan of your work for a while now. Especially since you took out such a big chunk of drug dealers that were crowding over our district of town.”

“I- uhm- thank you. They were causing a lot of issues for everyone.” Sam said, the visible part of his cheeks darkening.

“Aww, Sam!” Philza said, his wings shuffling behind him as though they wanted to flutter about. “You have a fan here! I told you that these three are the sweetest angels you’d ever meet.”

Sam raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the man, “I don't think three “angels” would make an absolute mess of my apartment.”

Tubbo pouted at Sam, blinking innocently at him, “a mess? We didn’t mean to, we were just playing.”

Sam sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose (though his nose was mostly covered by the gas mask, so he was pinching the mask instead). “If you didn’t mean to, do you mind telling me how you broke into my apartment? Last I recall, I never gave anyone aside from Ponk my passcode, and that’s only because I have to do adjustments to his bionic arm every other week and he doesn’t like being in my lab. It makes him… antsy.”

Tubbo spoke up before Tommy could, “it was a lucky guess really. We thought of a six number code together and just… punched it in. If it didn’t work we were just going to make dumb faces at the security cameras.”

Obviously, this was a complete lie. Tubbo messed with the cameras to have it replay pre-recorded footage of the empty foyer so he could do whatever the lock needed him to do before they retraced their steps up the elevator to their floor. Tubbo fixed the cameras at that point, hid his computer in the foyer of Philza’s apartment, then they made their way downstairs and pretended it never happened.

If Ranboo had control over his powers it would’ve been much easier, but it also would’ve been much too suspicious if there was no evidence of them getting into the apartment in the first place in case they were sniffed out.

Sam sighed once more, tilting his head to look up at the ceiling as though he were asking the primes to grant him patience. “The chances of you guessing the password are 1/1,000,000. Are you telling me that you just happened to enter my passcode on the first try?”

Tubbo grinned at the man, “actually, I saw slight wear on some of the numbers, which lowers the chances to-” He pressed his lips together, suddenly realizing that a three year old definitely wouldn’t know complex fucking math. “Uhm- much lower.” He finished, though Tommy could tell that it was killing him to not show off his smarts by saying the exact number.

Sam scratched a hand through his green hair, “that’s… very smart for a- how old are you?”

Ranboo shrugged this time, providing an innocent, “we don’t know. We ran away and were on our own for a bit until Kristin found us.”

Kristin stepped forward then, tucking the boys behind her legs and secretly signaling for them to be quiet for a minute. “They’re very smart kids, Sam. I think it might be some sort of hybrid trait I’m not aware of.”

“I mean this with no offence, but calves, fawn, and kittens aren’t the most intelligent creatures on the planet.” Sam pointed out, “not to say that they can’t be smart, but if it’s because of a hybrid trait, then it’s most likely an underlying one. Maybe you can take them to Doc, he’s quite excellent with his knowledge of hybrids.”

“I’m afraid we can’t, Doc needs blood samples before the use of his machine and Ranboo here is scared stiff of needles, and Tubbo gets extremely anxious around doctors.” Kristin lied smoothly, “I can barely mention the words without them getting antsy.”

For show, Ranboo grasped Kristin’s leg tightly, looking up at her with those big, pleading eyes. “You’re not taking us there right? I don’t wanna be stabbed! Please don’t let me be stabbed!”

“Don’t worry love, I won’t let you get stabbed.” Kristin soothed, pushing back his pajama hood so she could brush her fingers through his hair. She lowered her voice to look back at Sam, “Tommy here is the only one who goes to the doctor without much complaint. In fact, he just saw Eret last night for some healing.”

“I fell off a ladder!” Tommy said proudly before Sam could ask why he would need healing. “But now I’m all better!”

Kristin chuckled, “yes, and he was so very brave about it.”

“We’re getting off topic.” Sam said quickly, “the point of me being here right now is because your kids broke into my apartment and defaced it. Now we need to decide an appropriate punishment for them.”

“I don’t like “punishments” for children. Discipline is how things work around here. Though you’re right, this behavior isn’t acceptable.” Kristin sighed, “but Sam, you need to consider the fact that they’re just not used to being in a building like this. They’re not even used to the idea of having someone look after them.”

“We just wanted to paint some pictures…” Tommy said with a pout, fidgeting with his fingers. There were still small flecks and stains of paint on them. Primes, they really left so much evidence it’d be nearly impossible to hide their little crimes. “It was supposed to be a gift.”

“Crayons, markers, and most paints do not belong on walls.” Sam said after a pause, “and, dare I point out, balancing a bucket of glitter and water on my door is not something anyone would consider as a gift.”

“That one was because we thought it was funny.” Tubbo said plainly, not attempting to justify such an obvious shenanigan.

“Funny is not how I would describe having to take a shower at one in the morning.” Sam let out a huff of frustration, “and that’s only one of the “pranks” I happened to discover. I stepped on maybe eight legos buried in my carpet-”

“We had nothing to do with those.” Tubbo cut in quickly before Sam continued.

“There was a small amount of oil smeared on the tiles in my kitchen that almost made me slip,”

“Again, we didn’t do that. You probably spilled some while cooking or something.”

“And to make matters even worse, a decent amount of light bulbs have disappeared in the amount of time you three broke in.”

“Okay, maybe we had something to do with that but none of that other stuff.” Tubbo shrugged off. “You just happened to find other problems and decided to blame us.”

“Sure kid, but can I at least have the light bulbs back? I really don’t want to have to go out and buy new ones. That’s my least favorite thing to shop for.”

“We didn’t take them.” Tommy supplied with a grin, “they’re still in your apartment!”

“Where in my apartment, Tommy?”

Tommy only smiled wider, “it won’t be fun if I tell you!”

Sam groaned in frustration, “how did you even climb to reach the lightbulbs? I don’t have a ladder in my apartment, and when I checked the security footage you didn’t bring a ladder either.”

“Tommy can climb flat walls.” Tubbo said cheerily, “he can have very sharp nails when he needs them.”

To show this off, Tommy flexed his fingers in front of him and showed Sam the way his regular fingernails would stretch forward and sharpen to a razor point before returning to normal again. It’s disgusting if you think about it too much, so Tommy refuses to think about it.

Sam rubbed at his mask-covered chin, “Kristin, you brought these kids here, what do you think is an appropriate way to discipline them?”

Kristin hummed in thought, “well, I wouldn’t give them the task of painting over their mural with wall paint unless you want a very uneven and dripping and half done coverup. Though for starters they can clean the windows.”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of giving three three year olds the task of painting a wall. Though I agree that they should clean my windows.” Sam said. “However, seeing the amount of damage, inconvenience, and pranks they pulled, I don’t think that’s enough.”

“I suppose that they did technically break into your apartment.” Kristin agreed with a sigh.

“I have an idea.” Techno spoke up, pulling everyone’s attention towards him, “it would be good for them to learn different ways to apologize, so I recommend that they draw something on paper for Sam. I doubt they can write, so drawing is probably the next best option other than speaking.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Techno.” Kristin smiled at her son, “and maybe they can help Sam out for the day as well. I’m sure Frannie needs some attention.”

“You just want me to babysit.” Sam pointed out, but somehow a smile was clear in his tone, “Since they’re so young, this discipline seems appropriate. As long as one of you sticks around to help keep an eye on them, I can agree to this idea. Get them some breakfast, then send them my way. I’ll get some cleaning supplies together. And I’ll get Frannie prepared to meet them.”

Tommy pouted at the adults in the room, “I don’t wanna clean all day! And who the fuck is Frannie?”

Sam’s eyes widened, “you are too young to be cursing like that. Whose influence is at fault?”

Kristin laughed, “they taught themselves. A warning about Tommy is that he loves cursing. I don’t think it’s something we could stop even if we tried.”

“They’re just words.” Tommy said with a shrug, “I’m not saying any slurs, I just like the words fuck, bitch, ass, damn, bastard, asshole, dickhead, prick, twat, goddamn, primes-”

It was very funny to watch the adults in the room grow paler with each curse Tommy spat out in the course of ten seconds.

Sam stopped him, “alright Tommy, that’s enough of that. I’m just… I’m gonna go home now.”

“But you haven’t told us who Frannie is…” Ranboo pointed out shyly, his tail wrapping around his leg nervously. “Uhm- Trident sir.”

Sam stood up and walked to the door. For a moment, Tommy thought that the man was just going to ignore them, but he looked over his shoulder and replied, “for starters, you can just call  me Sam.” He said with a kind smile, “as for who Frannie is, she’s my grandma.”

The boys immediately regretted asking. But before they could protest, Sam was out the door.

Techno snorted at his answer but he didn’t elaborate on why it was so funny to him.

Tommy looked up at Kristin who was also chuckling quietly to herself. “Kristinnnnn, I don’t wanna take care of an old person. We already have Phil.”

“Oi!” Philza cried, but he was ignored.

Kristin kneeled down to be eye-level with the boys, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to. There are consequences for our actions.” She leaned closer to them, gesturing for the three to gather so close the temples of their heads were touching. She was so quiet she might as well have been simply mouthing the words instead of whispering, “I’m sorry, we’ll have to be more careful next time to not get caught.”

She pulled away, “now let’s get you some breakfast. I’m sure you’ll love Frannie. She’s a sweetheart.”

The trio whined and pleaded with Kristin while Techno got up and went to make some breakfast for the family. But Phil was quick to step in and distract Tommy and his friends by asking if they’d like to help preen his wings. 

Tommy was fucking bursting at the seams with excitement at that. He quickly forgot about the fact that they’d have to do chores all afternoon, his full attention now on Phil and learning more about his favorite hero. 

He’s fascinated by Philza’s wings, they’re huge and covered in shiny black feathers, and some of those were as large as Tommy’s arm!

Tubbo and Ranboo weren’t nearly as excited as he was, but they were curious and followed nonetheless.

Phil led the three outside on the balcony, apparently preening tended to make quite the mess with how the keratin sheaths around new feathers needed to be gently cracked and brushed away.

They were shown how to pinch and roll away the keratin gently, and how to brush through the feathers to realign them.

It was calming in a way, to just focus on the pretty darkness of Philza’s wings. They were so soft beneath Tommy’s touch.

He doesn’t know how much time had passed when Techno called them in for breakfast. Reluctantly, he had to leave Philza’s wings, but the second he smelled homemade waffles in the air, he was happy to move on.

Kristin and Techno had made waffles and whipped cream for breakfast, complete with sides of peeled oranges, apple slices, and grapes!

Ranboo and Tubbo ran off to feed their pets before they ate, but soon enough the family was gathered and ate breakfast together.

Primes, Tommy could get used to this.

Warm meals, a good home, a family around him.

He so badly wanted to keep this for the rest of his life.

But he’s supposed to be a villain. These are heroes. This is all part of a bigger plan.

He has to focus on why they’re here. Not some dumb wishful thinking.

He can do that.

He can do that.

-------

Still sitting at the dining table with Phil, Kristin watched the boys leave with little pouts on their faces, pouts that were so very close to tempting Kristin to give into their pleas and keep them from going to Sam’s. But somehow she resisted, and waved goodbye to them as Techno followed them close behind.

With her boys out, she suddenly felt exhausted.

Phil moved from his chair to sit next to her, his hand covering hers and squeezing gently. “Are you alright, love?”

Kristin hummed, taking a long second to stare at her husband. The thought that they were married was still something that made her heart flutter with content and warmth. This was where they belonged. 

She turned her hand to intertwine their fingers instead. “I’m wonderful. I never thought I’d be a mother to anyone other than Techno, but now…” She chuckled, “I guess we have three more kids to look after.”

“I suppose we do, but…” Phil pressed his lips together nervously, “I need to ask you something about them.”

Kristin’s stomach dropped. 

Phil couldn’t have figured it out. Not this soon. 

Sure, it was blatantly obvious that these three are so very close to the spitting image of the three villains who set fire to a prime-forsaken pool the other day, but she expected to have just a couple more days at the very least before they were sniffed out.

Even though her thoughts were racing, she remained mostly calm on the outside, tilting her head to the side in question, prompting Phil to continue. 

“These kids… there’s something-”

A knock sounded at the door, cutting Phil off.

Kristin thanked the Primes above. Divine intervention perhaps. She may not believe in whatever the Primes are, but Tommy’s habit of wishing on or cursing the Primes had rubbed off on her.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, seeming to remember something, “that must be Eret. They said they wanted to talk to us.”

Kristin furrowed her brow, “what for?”

Phil shrugged as he stood to welcome their visitor, “I don’t know. They were reluctant to say any specifics with Tommy in the room.”

Kristin stood too, trailing behind Phil but pausing halfway to the door. She didn’t want to crowd. Eret was always welcome to visit. They’ve had plenty of chats over the years of living here, and they’ve become quite close friends because of it.

Though this visit worried her. 

Eret was here because of something to do with Tommy. They’ve discovered something that could have a possible domino effect that points out the trio’s villain identities. 

She’d have to tread carefully.

Phil opened the door with that ever friendly smile Kristin was so fond of. 

As predicted, Eret stood behind the door, their expression ever so slightly worried.

Kristin always seemed to forget just how tall Eret was. They easily towered over her by a good foot or more, and they were even taller due to the fact that they adored wearing platform boots. Kristin had to admit that they looked amazing in them.

Eret’s outfit today was quite feminine, and as always, just as fashionable as ever. A fluffy pink tulle skirt, a black waist corset, and a fashionably baggy cream poet shirt. Their long, brown, curly hair was tied back in a ponytail, with a braid trailing from the side of their head to where it was tied back.

One of Eret’s most notable traits were their eyes. For starters, their iris and pupils were white. They weren’t the same shade as their sclera, in fact, they had almost a blue hue, the pupils being darker than the iris. It gave Eret an eerie look, and was quite intimidating if you didn’t know them. 

 “Good morning Phil,” Eret began, then their eyes drifted over to Kristin, and their smile widened to beam at her, “and Kristin! We haven’t chatted in ages!”

“I know, it’s been too long!” Kristin greeted with a smile. “Come on in, we just finished eating breakfast but we still have some extra if you’d like?”

“No thank you,” Eret said, entering the apartment and gracefully taking a seat on the edge of one of the living room recliners. “I’m actually here on a concerning matter. Are the kids here? I wouldn’t want to speak of this in front of them. I have a feeling they’re keeping it secret, and I’d hate for them to panic over being found out. But I’m afraid that this is much too urgent to keep hidden. It concerns Tommy’s medical results.”

“Tommy? What about him?” Kristin asked, her heart skipping a beat in her chest. She took a seat in the living room as well, Phil sitting close beside her. She almost forgot to add, “the kids aren’t here at the moment though.”

Eret paused for a minute as they thought of what to say, distractedly brushing away some wrinkles in their skirt. “While I was diagnosing him yesterday, I noticed that there’s something… different. About his brain.” 

Kristin didn’t dare to speak, her breath hitching in her throat as her mind whirled with thousands of possibilities of what Eret could say next. Phil took her hand in his, squeezing it gently to show that he was there for her. That they would deal with whatever this was about, together.

“Children’s brains are typically more active than any adults. They’re young, thoughts tend to fly through them, and their imaginations run wild.” Eret explained, “but Tommy’s brain is vastly different. The activity is paced and much slower, and his brain is very mature despite the fact that he’s only three years old. His brain is the correct size for a child his age, but I could sense a lingering effect of… well, potions.”

“Potions?” Philza asked, his eyes wide, “where in the fucking world would he get access to that shit? He’s three!”

Kristin placed her hand on his shoulder, silently telling him to calm down.

“It alarms me as well.” Eret said, though their voice somehow remained calm in that way a doctor’s would be. “Although I need to correct you, Tommy isn’t three years old. At least mentally.”

“What?” Phil asked in disbelief.

Kristin on the other hand, felt her heart skip multiple beats, a pit of fear enveloping her stomach and threatening to make her sick.

“According to my magic, he should be in his teens, around the age of fifteen, maybe sixteen.”

“So, the potion made him physically younger?” Philza questioned, holding a hand to his head as he attempted to process the idea that Tommy wasn’t an actual child. “What about Tubbo? And Ranboo?”

Eret shrugged, “I can’t say. I haven’t met them. Though I assume if the three know one another and have the same advanced speech, it’s highly possible that they’re all under the influence of this potion.”

Phil looked towards Kristin, his blue eyes wide and saddened, “love, where did you find these kids again?”

“I- I met them in a thrift store.” Kristin replied honestly, “they looked as they do now.”

“So… they tricked us?” Phil whispered, his wings pressing tight to his back in search of comfort. Kristin brushed the feathers with her fingers, causing the wings to relax ever so slightly. “What else could they be lying about? Why would they turn themselves into children?”

“I’m guessing it was an accident.” Eret supplied quickly, “potions are extremely tricky to work with. The chances of making a potion successfully are slim, even if you’re a practiced expert. My guess is that they were trying to make a potion of similar ingredients, but something went wrong. Too much or too little of one ingredient can ruin a potion. Even a single speck of dust can mess it all up.”

“I’ve never heard of potions that can de-age people though.” Phil pointed out, “I feel like they’d be flying off shelves, and people would be throwing their lives away for just a slim chance of being young again.”

Eret shook their head, “they’ve existed for quite a bit, it’s just that there are barely any records of them. It’s such a low possibility that it’s considered a legend or a rumor. If anyone has figured out the recipe, they’ve kept it well hidden under lock and key.”

Kristin straightened, this is her chance to start a search for a solution to reverse this. “Is there any chance we can undo the potions effects?”

Eret tapped a finger to their chin, taking the time to think over Kristin’s question. “Potions usually run on certain timeframes. But from my short examination of Tommy, it feels as though the effects are very strong. That’s my other piece of worrying news. I can’t give any sure answers unless I’m able to fully examine all three of the boys, but I have a guess that… well- their brains are in a state of flux. The activity of it is… suppressed, in a way. As though it’s under a constant fight.”

“Meaning…?” Phil prompted nervously.

“I think that this potion… could become permanent.” Eret whispered, their lips pressed together. “The lingering effects… I need to check it again but just from that one touch it feels as though it’s not something that will simply go away. More than likely, it will need some sort of reversal or antidote. How to get that, I’m unsure. I have experimented with potions in the past, I could probably try to start up my experiments once more and see what I can find. But I won’t do that without explicit permission from you and the kids.”

Kristin looked at Phil, her eyes furrowed with worry and hope that her husband wasn’t too upset.

To her surprise and relief, Phil instead looked accepting.

“I think this is something we’ll have to bring up to the kids later.” Phil started, leaning forward and fidgeting with his fingers. “It’d be best to get them a round of thorough examinations, and tell them what we now know. But we have to do it in a way where they won’t try to run away. Kristin, I think it’d be best for you to tell them about this.”

“I agree. I’m closest to them after all.” Kristin said, “but Eret, I would like for you to get started on a reversal potion as soon as possible. I want that option available to them. There’s a chance that they’ve lost hope for a fix to this, and if we’re able to provide that, they might be less skittish.”

“I’ve already been looking into it. Thankfully I have some friends who are able to get me access to more secretive parts of the internet.” Eret replied calmly, “so far we have no results, but I feel like there’s something out there. We know the basics for a list of potions, as well as what ingredients do what, but we’re just missing something. What that is… we’ll figure it out.”

“If you need, I recommend looping in a couple others.” Phil explained, albeit tentatively, “only trusted individuals of course. I feel like Sam may have some insight, and maybe some people part of the hermit group of friends. Doc has a lot of experience in hybrids and some very high tech, maybe he can be of use?”

“You forget that both Ranboo and Tubbo have issues around doctors. We need to be gentle and patient in that regard.” Kristin pointed out, there’s no way in hell she can allow Doc to examine their hybrid traits. Not without her speaking to him first and finding some sort of excuse for why they’re lying about what hybrids they are.

Primes, she’s really screwed herself over here. She should’ve stopped the boys from making their grand debut until after this mission. 

What’s happened happened. There’s no changing that anymore. The only thing to do now is to look forward and not fret over the past and how things could’ve gone differently.

She doesn’t even know how much Eret can know with a full examination. Can they see bloodwork and DNA? Can they immediately tell that Tommy is not a cat hybrid like Kristin has led everyone to believe?

Kristin shook the spiraling thoughts out of her head. She can’t panic about this now. Her and her boys have committed to this plan, and backing out now would be dangerous to their identities.

Oh primes. She didn’t even think of the fact that they’re not under any alias names! How in the world did she miss that?! How did the boys not think about that?!

“Kristin?” Phil’s voice cut through the increasingly loud thoughts, “are you alright, my love?”

Kristin stood suddenly, marching towards the hall so she could change into proper clothes for the day. Before she left the room she turned around, “Eret, thank you for bringing this to our attention. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go visit Doc and ask if he can make some time for us to visit.” It wasn’t a lie really, but it wasn’t the full truth. She needed to convince him to not tell anyone about her kids’ false hybrid traits. “I’d appreciate it if you assist us in finding a reversal for this potion in the meantime. I’ll bring the kids to you for a more thorough examination this evening if you’re free.”

“That’s perfect. I’ll start my work as soon as possible.” Eret said without a second of hesitation. “Let me know if Doc agrees to assist us in this, I’d love his help to be honest.”

“Kristin, would you like me to come with you?” Phil asked.

Kristin shook her head, “no thank you, I’d prefer if you stay here and keep the kids company until you need to run around the city saving people. You’re on call right now, you should take this time to rest your body.”

Phil sighed, “you’re right. Go get dressed then.”

Kristin nodded and left. 

She was quick to change into a yellow floral sundress with a wide collar and puffy sleeves. She didn’t bother with a hat or makeup, she simply didn’t have the time.

She made her way back to the living room, seeing Phil and Eret still chatting on the couches, “Let the boys know I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t talk about this potion stuff with them without me. We’ll explain the situation to Techno tonight.”

“Alright, I’ll see you soon.” Phil said, a soft smile on his lips.

She pressed a short kiss to his lips before she left, she just couldn’t resist that handsome face of his.

Of course she waved goodbye to Eret as well, then she slipped on her shoes and left for Doc’s place.

Eret’s unexpected visit reminded her of one very important detail of the trio’s situation.

They were on a timer.

And their time is running out.

--------

Ranboo was happy they had to go back to Sam’s place.

At first, he and his friends were very reluctant about going, especially since they were sure that they’d have to watch over some old woman they didn’t know.

What a massive shock it was when they found out that Frannie was a dog instead! 

She was a massive white samoyed with so much fur that Ranboo could probably hide in it for several hours and not be found. Unless she moved of course.

Under Sam’s command, she stayed lying down on the floor when the boys first arrived, just so Sam could make sure that none of them were afraid of dogs.

But Frannie was a sweetheart. She let the boys come over and pet her, and she gave them plenty of kisses as they did.

The worst part of going to Sam’s was all the cleaning they had to do. While Sam and Techno chatted, Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy were hard at work. Though Tommy had a habit of making everything boring into a game, so maybe it wasn’t all too bad.

They raced to scrub window sections, played tiny games of tag until Sam caught them and told them to get back to work, Ranboo and Tubbo were challenged to find where Tommy hid all the lightbulbs, and while they mopped the kitchen floor (Sam gave them rags and a bucket of soapy water since they were too small to use an actual mop), the three sang a completely made up song together at the top of their lungs.

The trio was not only tasked with cleaning the messes they caused with their pranks, Sam had them cleaning all over the apartment.

In an odd way, it was kind of fun to be taught how to efficiently clean. 

Ranboo never fully realized that he and his friends barely cleaned their own apartment because they never had someone explain how and why they should do so.

Of course they taught themselves what to do, but they didn’t have a healthy relationship with it. There was something about having Techno and Sam there to help them and show them what to do that made it bearable. That made it almost relaxing somehow.

They helped Sam gather all the blankets, bedding and towels around the house so they could be washed, and Sam even let Ranboo put the soap in the little drawer of the washer.

After all the cleaning Sam and Techno thought three toddlers could handle, Techno sat them all down at the coffee table and gave them paper, crayons, and markers.

“You three are going to draw an apology to Sam. It doesn’t matter what you draw, just as long as you’re thinking of how your actions affect others.” Techno said, pretending to act stern. There was something about his tone that told Ranboo that he thought that this entire situation was quite funny. 

They drew together for quite a while.

Tubbo drew a giant bee holding a broom, Tommy made something along the lines of him smiling as an explosion happened behind him (a lot of his page was undecipherable scribbles), and Ranboo depicted him, Tommy, and Tubbo crying with an angry Sam next to them. Then a happy Frannie on the corner of the page.

He even wrote a very shaky and misspelled sorry as “sary”. 

Sam seemed pleased at their artistic apologies, even telling them that they had quite a talent. Though Ranboo is confident that he was only saying that to not discourage them.

A little after that they said their goodbyes to Sam and headed back to the apartment.

With Sam not there to hear them, Techno told them that he liked their pranks, but to be more careful on who they were going to mess with next time, as well as to be more subtle.

The energy was… off. When they returned home.

Phil said that Kristin was “out for a quick errand”, but he was acting oddly.

He kept staring at the trio, his sharp blue eyes picking them apart. 

Ranboo felt a shiver run down his spine as Philza’s head tilted curiously, his brows ever so slightly narrowed.

Tommy and Tubbo didn’t seem to notice though, they were too busy trying to wrestle one another to the ground.

Ranboo felt very uncomfortable with those eyes on him. He sat curled up in a ball on the couch, his tail tucked around him as he pretended to watch Tubbo and Tommy play. Techno started chatting to Philza, which eased the staring a little bit, but not enough for Ranboo to relax.

Eventually, Tommy and Tubbo got bored of their play together. Tubbo snuck off to their shared room, while Tommy stayed behind to ask Phil if he could play on his switch (he only asked because his switch wasn’t connected to the tv and he didn’t want to get in trouble or mess up the tv in any way. Normally, Tommy would simply do what he wanted when he wanted), and Ranboo simply stayed on the couch to watch. Tommy offered to let him play a couple times, but Ranboo wasn’t in the mood. His mind was distracted by the way Phil was watching them and how the usual energy of the house felt off. 

He missed Kristin.

Ranboo was able to zone out for quite a bit, an hour at the very least. “I’ll be right back,” he suddenly announced in the middle of watching as Tommy worked away on his animal crossing island. “I’m going to check on Tubbo, he’s been in our room for ages now.”

Tommy acknowledged Ranboo’s departure with a hum, most of his attention on the tv.

With that, Ranboo made his way down the hall, safe from Philza’s neverending stare. 

Though he stumbled to a stop as a powerful wave of toddler brain started to fight for control over him.

In the past few days, he’s discovered that by referring to their terrifying and slow de-aging process as a separate entity, it helped to fight it. At least in his mind. Though he was concerned about how it was growing stronger with every passing day.

It’s odd to describe what it feels like to have toddler-brain suddenly take over.

It’s as though his mind clears of sensible thoughts, replacing them with very watered down and simplistic ones instead. His anxiety dulls, and for a minute all he knows is his life as a toddler so far. Which, mind you, has only been a few weeks at most.

It feels like he suddenly loses sentience, and has no cognitive memory. In toddler brain, he remembers the funny taste of potion in his mouth. How it was bitter and sweet at the same time, how it burned his throat when he swallowed it down, how it bubbled in his stomach and made his entire body tingle with change. And only from then on can he remember anything of his life.

He doesn’t remember when Tubbo and him first met and how Tubbo practically dragged him back to the apartment to stay with them. 

He doesn’t remember Tommy and him meeting for the first time. How Tommy pretended to hate him at first despite refusing to let anyone ever hurt Ranboo through words or actions.

Worst of all, he feels horrible that he doesn’t remember meeting Quackity for the first time either. It’s one of his fondest memories. 

Meeting Quackity was the finalized moment when he accepted that he was truly cared for. For the first time, he met an adult who felt honest and kind. At least towards the trio. Of course Quackity is a villain and a con man. Which would be a bad thing, but Quackity has never broken their trust even once. In fact, he has proven his care for them time and time again. Besides, Tubbo and Tommy both knew Quackity ages before Ranboo did. They’ve been friends with the guy from before he built his small but powerful empire of Las Nevadas.

Quackity was a very important adult in Ranboo’s life. So having that comforting memory suddenly lost in a void of distracted and fragmented thoughts scared him beyond belief. Quackity became nothing but an odd stranger in his mind. Just a guy who gave them some cool things, got Ranboo some cats, then kind of left again.

Ranboo could feel his mind starting to empty, could feel his past and teenage memories starting to slip away. He pressed his back against the wall of the hallway, sinking to the floor and fighting the toddler in his mind by desperately forcing himself to remember meeting his friends for the first time, then simply repeating Quackity’s name in his head over and over and over again. Keeping his brain focused on his first meeting with the guy. How his feathers fluffed up and his eyes got all huge at the sight of another unfortunate kid to help out and care for. He was so kind to Ranboo, and took the trio out to dinner that night so he could get to know him better. The spotlight was on Ranboo the entire time, and for once he told someone outside of Tubbo and Tommy about his life leading up to that moment.

Quackity offered to kill or mess with anyone that hurt Ranboo in the past, which Ranboo assumed was a joke back then, but now he’s pretty positive that Quackity was being genuine.

Slowly, the toddler brain retreated and tucked itself away in the corner of his mind once more. Ranboo took a minute to simply sit in the hall as he finally relaxed, safe from the memories slipping through his fingers.

He shook his head one last time, then forced himself to stand again, taking a deep breath as he approached their shared bedroom door.

He is fine. Nothing is wrong. He is fine. Nothing is wrong. He is fine.

Ranboo opened the door.

Their bedroom was a mess, which was not how Ranboo left it this morning.

The table was covered in various dusts of yellow, red, and gray. Many ingredients were displayed on every surface available. Spider eyes, tiny pieces of gold, carrots dipped in gold, watermelon dipped in gold, highly illegal netherwart, blaze powder, blaze rods, strands of hair that most likely came from the trio, a mortar and pestle for grinding, a bunch of water filled potion bottles, and of course, a potion stand.

It smelled faintly of potion making in here, which had a surprisingly discerning smell. Blaze rods burning is a smell you can never get out of your nose once you smell it. It’s not that it’s bad, but it’s not great either. It’s a subtle smoky smell with a strong whiff of what someone would imagine fire to smell like. Hot and burning, and just somewhat sweet. Thankfully the windows were open (they only opened at the top, it was a safety hazard otherwise), and the smell quickly drifted out into the open skies.

At first, Ranboo couldn’t see Tubbo. Then he noticed the lump in the sensory swing, and finally he heard the gentle sobs of Tubbo tucked inside.

Worry for his friend made him walk in and quietly shut the door, walking up to the swing and gently pressing his hand against what looked like Tubbo’s shoulder.

The crying immediately stopped, and in a surprisingly clear tone, Tubbo asked, “who is it?”

“It’s just me, Bo. What’s wrong?”

Realizing his feelings were safe with Ranboo, his sobs started up again, and Ranboo turned the swing to peek in through the crack of the opening.

Benson sat on Tubbo’s chest, gently nibbling at his chin as though he was trying to cheer Tubbo up. Tubbo’s fingers brushed through his feathers over and over again, which Benson was obviously fine with. He loved Tubbo dearly. That was clear to anyone.

Benson didn’t even spare a single glance at Ranboo, too busy at the moment to care for anyone other than his best friend.

“Oh Tubbo…” Ranboo whispered, he never liked seeing Tubbo cry. It meant something was truly wrong if Tubbo was crying. “Did something happen while you were brewing potions?”

“Nothing happened.” Tubbo mumbled between sobs.

“Oh, okay. Uhm-” Ranboo paused to organize his thoughts, but Tubbo started rambling before he got the chance.

“That’s just the thing! Nothing happened!” Tubbo’s voice raised in anger, “no matter how much I reverse engineer that stupid fucking potion, nothing has worked! Every time I try to add that final ingredient, the potion blackens and whatever magic was starting to form vanishes! I can’t even remake the potion that started this whole fucking mess!”

The tears that had paused for Tubbo’s anger started to drip off Tubbo’s eyelashes once more, making wet tracks down his reddened cheeks before slipping off his chin and into a wet spot on the boy’s shirt that was slowly widening with each tear.

“There’s still hope, Tubbo.” Ranboo said, faking confidence. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in Tubbo and his abilities, Ranboo just didn’t think they had much time left. “Kristin will be going to a couple friends in secret and asking them to help, remember? If we can’t figure it out, then they can.”

“Ranboo…” Tubbo whispered, all of that anger that Ranboo saw only moments prior had completely drained out of the boy, leaving the blackened bags under his eyes all the more apparent. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, Tubbo?”

“For letting both you and Tommy down.” Tubbo mumbled, his voice cracking as he tried to swallow down another wave of sobbing. “I’m afraid we don’t have much time left. We’ve all noticed the toddler in us getting stronger by the day. You and I have been good at hiding it, but Tommy… his heart is on his sleeve. He couldn’t hide his reversion if he tried.”

“You’re not being fair to yourself.” Ranboo chidded in a whisper, “yes you made the potion, but it’s not your fault that things went wrong. Potions are dangerous because absolutely anything can change the outcome entirely. A hair could’ve fallen in, a golden apple or melon might’ve been under or overripe. Even the very air can change the results. I’ll say that we were not prepared for such a sensitive task, but that’s not something you can blame on yourself alone.” Ranboo reached into the hammock to take Tubbo’s hand in his own, gently pinching at each of Tubbo’s fingertips to try and ground the boy. Techno taught him this technique, and it worked pretty well for Ranboo. Tubbo watched Ranboo’s hand the entire time, too tired from his emotional breakdown to ask what Ranboo was doing or lie about how he didn’t need grounding. Ranboo continued, “it’s mine and Tommy’s fault too. We all should’ve known better than to mess with potions, but we weren’t thinking logically. We just wanted to prove ourselves to everyone that we were capable of so much more.”

Tubbo snorted sarcastically, “the only thing we were capable of was causing more fucking problems for ourselves. Now we’re sitting ducks in the goddamn heroes tower and at this point I’m no longer fearing that we’ll suddenly wake up in our teen bodies again. Now I’m afraid of waking up as a different person. Of losing everything that makes me… me. Will we be the same if we essentially restarted our lives? Will we lose the memories of the people we loved before we were turned into kids?”

Ranboo didn’t have the heart to tell the boy that they most certainly would lose those memories. His time in the hallway had confirmed as such. Nervously, Ranboo asked, “have you had any… episodes yet? Like how Tommy has been fluctuating between teenager and toddler?”

Tubbo stayed quiet as he thought, “I mean, aside from the constant ebb of giving into my childlike instincts and curiosity…” then his brow furrowed in confusion, “what do you mean by yet?”

Ranboo groaned internally, then reluctantly answered, “I’ve… I’ve been meaning to tell you. I had an episode- well, actually, more than one. There’s been a couple. Where I have to fight for control over the toddler side of my brain. But no worries just yet, I’ve won over each time.”

Tubbo buried his face in his hands and laughed as though he didn’t know what else to do, “primes, we’re reverting really fast, aren’t we?”

“So… you have had some episodes, what are they like?” Ranboo asked, not wanting to agree to Tubbo’s question, “Mine are invasive, they make me forget everything leading up to now. Even Quackity…”

“It’s the same for me, though oddly enough I vaguely remember things from my past as a real toddler. Just wisps of memories though, nothing I can really grasp onto. Streets, a couple different houses, an orphanage, a mix of kind and cruel faces… someone who… looks oddly familiar, maybe a parent? It’s such a blur I can’t get any clear descriptions other than that. But at the same time, it’s clearer than it’s ever been.”

Ranboo wished he could have that experience. Just to have a little extra something to remember that wasn’t just a mere few days of life. But there was just… nothing. Nothing but a bit of fear if he tried to dig that far in his memories. As though he forced himself to forget.

Let’s unpack that another day! I’m sure it’s probably just some deep trauma that if I remember now, I’ll be haunted by it for years to come! He thought to himself much too cheerily. Already aware that he would never take the time to do either of those.

“We need to make a cure, and fast.” Tubbo said. Suddenly his head whipped up, his brow furrowed in thought. 

Now that’s the usual spark in Tubbo’s eye. One that Ranboo missed.

“You said that even the air can change a potions creation, right?”

“Yes?”

“Then we have to go back. ” Tubbo said determinedly, a small smile starting to form, “maybe, if we go back to the apartment, we can recreate the potion! I just need to retrace my steps, and match exactly what I did the first time. I know that potions aren’t impossible to make. Some of them have such simple recipes that they’re mass produced underground. Specifically nausea inducing ones because there’s some alcohol companies out there that spike their drinks with it. It makes the drunken effect take hold much quicker, meaning people don’t have to drink as much to get the same effect alcohol would give them.”

“Why do you know that?”

Tubbo shrugged, “I had to do a lot of research, it stuck in my mind.” He shook his head to keep himself on topic, “we just need to slip away from here for a couple hours, then we’re golden.”

Now it was Ranboo’s turn to shake his head, “first of all, we’re children. They won’t let us out of their sight. Even if we did manage to slip away, we’d have the entirety of the heroes tower and some cops on our tail to find us. Secondly, Kristin knows who we are. All we have to do is ask her to take us over there. It’s not like we can drive anyway, and walking around in a city as three kids with no adult is a bad idea.”

“We drove a car once.”

“And we could’ve died.” Ranboo pointed out, “may I remind you that Tommy was on the floor.”

“We were fine…”

“Thankfully.”

Tubbo let out a massive sigh, awkwardly wiggling his way out of the swing. Benson hopped down at Tubbo struggle, watching the boy with his creepy beady eyes. Finally Tubbo hopped out, shoving the swing away from him in frustration, his ears pressed flat to his head as he finally escaped its hold. “What else can we do, Ranboo? We can’t wait forever.”

“Kristin is going to recruit some very experienced adults. Surely they’ll be able to do something. ”

“Do you really trust some random adults that we never met?” Tubbo snapped out irritably.

Ranboo flinched, his tail anxiously wrapping around his leg as the angry tone was directed towards him.

Tubbo saw this, took a deep breath, and said in a calmer voice, “surely we’ve learned by now that we can’t trust anyone other than ourselves.”

“And Kristin.”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “and Kristin.” He agreed.

“I just don’t know if we can make a reversal potion on our own.” Ranboo admitted quietly, “I know you’re trying to reverse-engineer it, but what if you can’t complete it on time? What if we are already gone?” He paused, took a deep breath, and said the thought that was bugging him the most, “I’m scared, Tubbo. This de-aging process is getting stronger and stronger. I don’t think we have more than a few days left.”

The spark of defiant anger faded from Tubbo’s eyes, and the boy slowly stepped towards the table of ingredients, tucking them all into a bag and hiding it beneath the bed. His movements were slow and dejected, and it was clear to Ranboo that he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, Tubbo…” Ranboo said to break the silence, playing with the tuft of fur at the tip of his tail.

“Why are you sorry?” Tubbo asked, busying himself by sweeping various dusts off the table. “I’m the one who got us into this whole fucking mess.”

“I’m sorry for our situation.” Ranboo amended, “this was an accident, you were trying to make a strength potion, it went a little wrong. That’s not your fault, even if you feel like it is.”

“I guess…” Tubbo climbed into his bed, leaning against the wall and hugging his knees to his chest. He sniffled, “can I… can I have a hug?”

“Of course.” Ranboo said, climbing into the bed after him and sitting next to his best friend, wrapping his arms around the goat hybrid and hugging him close.

Ranboo continued to hold Tubbo as the boy started to cry once more, and Ranboo knew that Tubbo would never stop blaming himself for this.

What a mess they were in.

Surely they’d figure it out soon.

They had to.

Chapter Text

“Quackity of Las Nevadas?” Quackity’s assistant, Slime, asked, his voice muffled through the door, “may I come in?”

“I told you Slime,” Quackity chuckled under his breath, “just call me Quackity. But yes, you may come in.”

In the usual Slime fashion, he did not use the door normally. Though he claimed to be human all the time (Quackity entertained his insistence, the guy would be distraught if he was discovered to not be a human), he was very bad at doing human things.

Instead, he just… melted into a puddle and scooched underneath the door, forming back into his more humanoid shape when he was far enough inside.

He was constantly looking as though he was melting, and of course he was just green all the way through, but he did have clothes at least. A work outfit Quackity gave him of a white button up, black suspenders, and black slacks, though his shirt was almost translucent since it was soaked with slime.

“What’s the news, Slime?” Quackity asks, shuffling through a stack of paperwork he still had to go through. Managing an entire casino was apparently a bigger job than he ever thought it would be. Especially since it was a sort of coverup for his more villainous deeds.

“News?” Slime asked, clearly having already forgotten what he originally came here for.

Quackity sighs, though it’s more out of fondness than frustration. “Usually you only come to my office if I call you, or if something big is happening.”

“Oh, right.” Slime said, his memory sufficiently caught up.

There’s a long pause, and Quackity looks up, pushing his paperwork to the side to give Slimecicle his full attention. The guy is just standing there, a wide grin on his face.

“So…?” Quackity starts, trying to spur Slime into talking.

“Oh, right! Yes! I’m speaking now!” Slime exclaims happily, “I was told to tell you from someone who told me that they’re one of the people we have positioned inside of the tower and that your kids are there!” He paused, pulling out a confetti popper from prime knows where and popping it so that rainbow-colored confetti rained down onto Quackity’s desk. “I didn’t know that you were pregnant, Quackity from Las Nevadas! Congratulations on your mitosis!”

“I’ve never been pregnant, Slime. That’s not how the male human body works.” Quackity told him gently, pinching the bridge of his nose, “who told you this?”

“Uhm… I forgot his name, but he’s the foolish-looking golden shark guy.”

Quackity gives him a flat look, trying hard to remain patient with his favorite employee. “Foolish?”

“That’s it!”

Quackity forces himself to his feet, already pulling out one of his many burner phones from his desk. He dials in Foolish’s number, and is pleasantly surprised when the man picks up relatively quickly. 

“Boss, I take that my message got to you?” Foolish said, his voice low as though he were keeping to the side of an occupied room.

“Part of it.” Quackity said honestly, watching Slime as the guy messed with a pen on Quackity’s desk. “You know how Slime is.”

“Yeah… he was the only one I was able to contact on such short notice.” Foolish explained, then quieted his voice even further, almost into a whisper. “Your boys are here. In the heroes tower. I’ve been watching them, and they’ve been running around for a few days. At first I thought they were just up to their usual shenanigans, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Why are they in the heroes tower?! They’re the least subtle in their so-called “disguises”! Anyone can recognize them on sight in their civilian looks or not!” Quackity screeched into the phone, the feathers on his wings starting to fluff up in worry. “Have you talked to them?!”

“Give them a little credit, I almost didn’t recognize them seeing as they’ve found a way to hide their hybrid traits. I’ve been trying to talk to them, but- well, Philza has been overprotective of them.” Foolish sighed, not fazed in the slightest at Quackity’s panic. “He won’t let anyone but his family get near them. I think he’s got a severe bird brain right now.”

“Fuck!” Quackity cursed, slamming his fist on his desk in frustration. “Who does that guy think he is?! Those are my kids! Everyone knows that!”

“Do they? Because you make quite the effort to not let your affection for them show. You just keep people from fucking with them too much. I think people see you as more of a guide for them than anything else.”

“That’s so fucking stupid! I work so hard to make a point that they’re under my protection! Are you telling me that people think that’s just for show?! I’ve been taking care of them ever since I met them for the first time! It’s why their apartment is so cheap, why they haven’t been kicked out, why they haven’t been tracked down or murdered yet!” Quackity argued into the phone, “I don’t show that amount of care for anyone!”

“I know, I know. Primes, you’re bird-brained too.” Foolish groaned, “you should really get that under control.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Quackity snarled, “keep your fucking eye on them. Report to me immediately if anything happens, do you understand?”

“Y- yes sir. Are-”

Quackity didn’t bother to listen anymore. Instead he hung up and dropped the phone to the floor, using all of his pent up anger at the new situation to smash the thing to bits with his heel.

Slime whistled softly (though it wasn’t really a whistle. He was really bad at those, so instead it was more of a weird ptbtbtbtbbtb sound as his lips flapped together, flecks of slime flying in front of him), “are you okay, Quackity from Las Nevadas?”

“Not at all.” Quackity growled, glaring at the remains of the burner phone. He swung his head towards Slime, “I need you to do one thing for me, Slime. Can you do that?”

“Anything for you, Quackity from Las Nevadas. You’re my best friend, and best friends do anything for one another!”

“I never taught you that lesson-” He cut himself off. They’d talk about it later. “Nevermind. I need you to split up and gather all of our villain allies. I’ll send Purpled with you so you stay out of trouble.”

“Yay! I like Purpled of Las Nevadas!” Slime said, happy as always.

Quackity rolled his eyes, though this time it was more out of fondness than annoyance.

Then he remembered something. His mood immediately dropped into something bitter and frustrated. He sat back down in his office chair, leaning forward with his hands clasped together and trying his best to remain calm. “Slime?”

“Yes? Quackity from Las Nevadas?” Slime asked in return, his bubbly tone not dropping despite Quackity’s sudden change in mood.

“Why weren’t you the one to tell me about the boys in the tower?” Quackity asked, watching carefully as Slime’s smile fell away. “I went through a hell of a lot of work to get the cat version of you adopted by the boys. You’re supposed to be able to keep an eye on them for me.”

Slime fidgeted with his fingers, looking anywhere but at Quackity. “I meant to tell you, Quackity from Las Nevadas… but you have been very busy and we haven’t talked.”

“What happened, Slime?” Quackity asked, trying not to snap at the guy. Slime never took it well when Quackity snapped at him. He got all sad and mopey, and it wasn’t fun to deal with (not to mention he personally didn’t like seeing Slime upset).

“Well- the cat part of me… he- he’s not…” Slime stumbled over his words, unable to get the sentence clear. After a couple more tries, he finally blurted out, “I’ve gone through an unexpected mitosis!”

Quackity watched Slime get more and more restless as the silence stretched on. He seemed sincere and full of guilt, he wasn’t good at hiding his emotions. “You’ve gone through… Mitosis. I think I already know, but I want you to put it in your own words. What is it?”

“Well… when a slime forms miniature versions of themselves… there’s a veeeeery slim chance that a miniature will deviate and become a new slime of their own.”

Quackity took a long minute to breathe, “so this cat you made is no longer you?” He asked slowly, “I thought that all slimes were connected somehow. You’re still connected to your mother, aren’t you?”

Slime shook his head, “I’ll always know where to find her, but I can’t see into her thoughts or vision, just as she can’t see into mine. Gooper is now a new slime of their own. I’ve been cut off from them.”

“How long have you been cut off?”

Slime paused his fidgeting to think, “I started losing them the day after the adoption. I was watching and copying Enderchest on cat-like behaviors, and I could feel the mitosis starting to form between us.” His fidgeting resumed, more anxious this time. “I tried to stop it, I really did. But Gooper was determined. I lost sight first, then hearing, then Gooper all together.”

Quackity groaned, burying his head in his hands, “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I tried!” Slime insisted, stepping forward slightly in his own defense, “I told you earlier, you were always too busy or you wouldn’t listen to me!” His cheeks flushed a dark shade of green as he shrunk in on himself for his outburst. “I’m sorry, Quackity from Las Nevadas…”

Primes. His casino really has been taking all of his attention lately.

With a heavy sigh, Quackity looked back up to his friend and right-hand man. “No Slime, you’re right. I’m the one who’s sorry.” He stood up, walking around his desk to place a hand on Slime’s cold, wet shoulder. “All we can do now is try our best to fix this. I think I have a plan, but it’ll need quite the diversion.”

“What do you have in mind, Quackity of Las Nevadas?”

“I’m going to talk to Philza face to face.” Quackity said resolutely, staring out his window which had quite the view of the city sprawled across the land, the heroes tower in the far distance, directly in the middle of it all. “Whether he wants to or not.”

Slimecicle clapped happily, breaking the dramatic moment, “yay! I’m sure your plan is perfect, Quackity of Las Nevadas!”

Quackity sent a smile to his friend and muttered to himself, “let’s hope it is.”

-------

Doc was certainly interesting in Tommy’s perfect and never wrong opinion.

The man had a thick accent that was very nice to listen to, his deep and rumbly voice oddly soothing. He even had an excited glimmer in his eye as he examined them.

Doc reminded Tommy of Sam, but only in the way that both of them were covered in green fur and had the same hybrid blood (not related to one another). However, Doc was more of a goat hybrid than a creeper hybrid. He had big ol’ goat horns that curled around his pointed ears, and half of his face was replaced with silver metal and a glowing red eye watching the trio closely. What Tommy liked the most about the man’s hybrid traits was the fact that Doc was pretty much a centaur, where human legs would normally be, were replaced with a goats body, his four hooves clicking against the metal flooring of his lab as he paced around the room.

Him and Eret were working together, taking a couple blood samples from each of them and using Doc’s odd scientific equipment to calculate and measure various things that Tommy didn’t quite understand.

When Kristin sat them down and explained that Eret figured out they were under the influence of the potion, they all had a bit of a panic, but Kristin was and always is amazing and was able to calm them down by telling them that Eret just wanted to help them find a cure.

But now that they were in the lab, Tommy was more worried about the fact that he world felt more… fuzzy. Than usual.

His anxiety flared as he tried to read the screens and he couldn’t understand them. The world felt so small but so big at the same time. Too big for his brain to comprehend.

People and places and things he knew from life before were starting to fade and disappear from his mind. But he couldn’t fight it, no matter how hard he tried.

All he could do was try his best not to cry. 

If he cried, people would start to ask questions, and they’d learn that Tommy truly is losing all of his memory and comprehension as a teenager. He was reverting.

Tommy wandered around the lab, keeping up a façade that he was his usual self. Touching things he wasn’t supposed to, remaining bubbly and happy, making dumb and crude jokes, things he would’ve done before all of this mess went down.

“Tommy?” Tubbo called, sitting at the potion stand he had brought with him. He was trying to mimic the recipe he used, showing Doc and Eret the ingredients and the order he put them in. “Can you grab my notebook from my bag please? I wrote down the order of colors that the potion turned while I was making it, but I can’t remember if it was blue or pink first.

“Sure.” Tommy made his way over to Tubbo’s bag, pulling the notebook out. It was messy with crinkled and half torn pages, the sides severely roughed up as though the thing had been dragged through hell on a string.

He brought it back to Tubbo, dropping the thing by his side and wondering what area of the lab he should explore next. 

“Great. Can you open it to the strength potion page? Then read out the steps to me. I don’t want to miss a thing.” Tubbo asked next, making Tommy’s stomach drop.

Tommy forced himself to flip through the book as calmly as possible. He found the page, he recognized it from how Tubbo had decorated it with doodles of the three of them conquering the city with giant muscly arms and legs.

The words made no sense to his mind. They were only a scramble of dots and lines and swirls, mixing together in unfamiliar ways. He could sound them out until he read it correctly, but it’d take too long. So instead he dropped it once again at Tubbo’s side, “read it yourself bitchboy. I’ve got better things to do.”

Tubbo glared up at him, “Tommy please, just fucking read it.”

“No. I don’t wanna.”

“Why? I’m asking one thing from you Tommy. One. ” Tubbo said, “your explorations can fucking wait for one damn minute.”

Tommy turned away from him, his heart pounding anxiously. “No they cannot, I must cause mischief and trouble. It’s my true calling in life.”

“Please don’t mess with my lab equipment.” Doc pleaded, though his tone suggested he was amused by their antics.

Maybe if he just jokes around he can play it off! No one has to be the wiser!

“It’s okay Tubbo, I’ll read it out to you.” Doc cleared his throat and offered instead, crouching down to pick the notebook up off the floor.

But now Tubbo’s eyes were furrowed in thought. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Tommy tried to walk off casually, but Tubbo called him out before he could.

“No, Doc. Thank you, but I need Tommy to read it.”

Tommy groaned, “why?! Let the cool science nerd read it out to you! He literally just offered to do so!”

“You’re acting weird about it.” Tubbo pointed out. “Why.”

“No I’m not! I’m acting like my usual self!”

“Tommy. Read it.” Tubbo snapped at him, “now.”

Welp. It was a good run. Here lies Tommy Innit, the coolest biggest man of all time. RIP. He’ll leave Gooper in Ranboo’s care, and all his cool things need to be buried with him please and thank you.

Tommy picked up the notebook, his heart pounding in his chest so hard it almost hurt. His hands were starting to shake as he stared at the page.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. He can’t make out a single word.

The world oddly started to blur, and with a start Tommy realized his eyes were watering.

Double fuck. Triple fuck.

“I… I can’t…” Tommy admitted quietly. Everyone’s eyes on him felt like they were burning his skin, all he wanted to do was run and hide from their stares. 

A tear dropped, clearing his vision slightly. He watched as it splashed onto the page, slightly blurring one of the words.

“What? I couldn’t hear you.” Tubbo asked, though this time his voice was more gentle as he realized Tommy was on the verge of crying.

A sharp anger suddenly bubbled up in Tommy’s stomach, burning and hot as it shot up his spine and out of his mouth he spat, “I can’t fucking read it okay?! Are you happy now?” He threw the notebook to the floor with all his might, the pages slapping against the metal tile. 

More tears started to blur Tommy’s vision, everyone’s eyes were on him. The eyes. They pierced through him. They hurt. They stung. The eyes watched his every move, his every breath. There were too many eyes on him. They judged and scrutinized, pitied and sad.

It was too much. 

Tommy couldn’t face it anymore. So he turned his back on them all, and he ran.

He heard voices shout at him to come back, but he couldn’t. 

Shame crawled under his skin. He wanted nothing more than to hide, maybe cry.

He might have little legs, but he still had a decent amount of speed. He dashed behind and around all sorts of odd machines, making sure that his path couldn’t be followed easily as he searched for a place to hide away.

He slowed down as he reached the back of the building, finding a pile of wooden crates tucked away against the wall. 

It should be far enough from everyone. He could find safety here.

He slipped between two crates, through a crack that was barely big enough.

He found sanctuary behind it. It was just a small space, the crates weren’t pressed as close to the wall as they could’ve been. A bigger crate closed off the top of the space, making him a small room that was just big enough for him to lie down in if he so chose. It was a bit claustrophobic, but he couldn’t risk leaving to find another hiding spot, not if it meant getting any closer to the front, or touching any of Doc’s scary machines.

Tommy curled into a ball once safely inside, his back pressed as far into the corner as it could go. His face burned as his eyes watered, and he pressed the fabric of his shirt to his eyes, hoping to soak up as much of the tears as he could.

I’m turning into a fucking cry baby. I can’t have a single conversation without bursting into tears can I. Fuck this. Fuck that potion. Fuck the heroes. Fuck everyone. Fuck Tubbo for calling me out like that. 

The miserable thoughts spun through his mind, forcing him to relive the wretched moment of standing there with all those eyes on him.

Tommy already knew he lost his ability to read. That day in the park was the start of it, and ever since it’s just gotten worse and worse. 

Everything seemed to mock him about it too. All his games required him to read what they asked, and Tommy was left to his own devices, wandering around aimlessly trying to advance the game, but it never felt like he was doing things right.

His world was changing before his very eyes, and he couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

Maybe… maybe it would be best if he just- let it happen. Why not? Why not just let go? Forget everything that made him himself and become a different person altogether? It’d be nice to not be so fucking panicked all the time. To not feel his memories slipping through the forming cracks in his mind. He wouldn’t break down crying as much, that’s for sure. Or maybe he would cry more? He’s a child after all. They tend to cry a lot.

All he knows is that he’s tired. So so tired. Of being scared, of being babied, of the constant looks of concern thrown his way by Tubbo and Ranboo when they think he’s not looking.

If he let himself forget all of his teenage years, he would simply not understand why they look at him that way. He’d be free of that fear.

But does he want to forget himself? Does he want every aspect of his life to change?

Admittedly the coolest thing that would come out of this is that Kristin and Phil would likely become his caregivers. Imagine his fucking adoptive father being a hero. That’d be sick as fuck.

Then again, would he actually stay with them? Or would they put him back into the child care system? One where he goes from foster house to foster house, trying and failing to be on his best behavior for each one. Not knowing the unsaid rules of the house and inevitably fucking up so terribly, he’s kicked out to the next one.

The thought made him shiver, and he curled even tighter into himself.

-------

“Tommy! Wait!” Tubbo shouted desperately, leaping to his hooves and trying to run after his best friend. “Come back!”

Doc follows close behind, barely stopping Tubbo by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Leave him be for a minute, he just needs a moment to collect his thoughts.”

Tubbo yanked away, turning to glare up at the much taller hybrid. “How would you know?! You don’t know us!”

Doc smiled patiently at Tubbo, not reacting in the slightest to his anger. “I may be this mad scientist character, but I’m good with kids. I have a little one myself after all.”

“I fucking embarassed him!” Tubbo shouted back, “I need to track him down and tell him that I’m sorry!”

Kristin approached the pair, kneeling down next to Tubbo and placing an ever loving hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay Tubbo, I agree with Doc that Tommy needs a minute to collect his thoughts. He’s likely to be very overwhelmed at the moment.”

“He needs someone to be with him.” Tubbo muttered, “Tommy can have some awful panic attacks if he’s left alone after being overstimulated or scared.”

Doc kneeled in front of Tubbo as well, “can you trust me enough to go help Tommy while you finish your work on the potion? I know we just met, but I promise that I can help your friend.”

“Why not Kristin?” Tubbo asked reluctantly. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know the layout of this place.” Kristin said honestly, “I wouldn’t have a single clue where to start looking for him.”

“And I most certainly have a few ideas on where Tommy could be hiding.” Doc agreed. “I’ve memorized everything in my lab from front to back. If you’ll trust me, I can get Tommy back to you within… twenty minutes.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear that I’ll bring him back and that he’ll be feeling much better.”

“Okay…” Tubbo reluctantly agreed, taking a couple steps back towards the potion stand. “I’ll have to start over on the potion, I left it prematurely, so it’ll probably fail.”

“That’s okay.” Doc assured him, grunting as he stood back up on his hooves. “I have another potion stand you can start the new one on, just finish this one too, maybe by some miracle it’ll bring the results we want.”

Tubbo nodded silently, then slowly went back towards the potion stand where Eret was patiently waiting for him.

Ranboo, who had been pretty quiet and keeping to himself the entire time in the lab joined Tubbo’s side, whispering comfort into the boy's ear.

“Are you sure about this?” Kristin asked Doc quietly, trying not to let Tubbo and Ranboo overhear her. “Tommy may not be the most welcoming to a near stranger trying to comfort him.”

Doc smiled reassuringly, patting Kristin’s shoulder. “I already made a promise. Like I said before, I’m actually very good with kids. People are usually surprised about that fact.”

“If you’re sure. Just call me over if you need me.”

“Of course. He’s your kid after all.” Doc agreed.

“Not technically, he’s just- I mean, I want them to be but I can’t-” Kristin stumbled over her words, her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink, “they’re their own people. I can’t just permanently adopt them out of the blue.”

Doc leaned in closer to her, whispering in her ear, “it may be time to consider if you’re going to keep them under your care or not.” He said, painfully honest, “have a discussion with them regarding where they’ll stay if the potion settles in and permanently turns them into three year olds.”

Kristin sighed, suddenly looking more exhausted than before, “I know… I just want to keep their hopes up. They’re terrified enough as it is.”

“That’s very noble of you, but if they don’t get to choose now, when they have their knowledge intact, it’ll feel a lot less like a choice and more like a need. They need food, water, and shelter, and I doubt they’ll choose the streets over living with a bunch of heroes.”

Kristin brushed back her hair with her hand, letting out a tired sigh, “primes, you’re right. I’ve been a bit selfish. I guess I’m just worried that they won’t let me take care of them. I’ve grown terribly attached to these kids.” Her gaze traced the room before landing on Tubbo and Ranboo, who were talking quietly amongst themselves as they worked on the potions with Eret’s help. “They have the right to choose if they need care or not. They’ve been independent most of their lives and have proven that they don’t need a parent or two to watch over them.”

“Quackity was helping them out, yeah?” Doc asked, “I remember it scared the tower half to death when they realized that RaccoonInnit and Quackity were a team.”

Kristin chuckled, “primes, I remember that. What a month.”

“Indeed.” Doc paused, simply watching the kids at work for a moment before he cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go find Tommy.”

Kristin hummed in acknowledgement, but remained where she was, her eyes never leaving Ranboo and Tubbo as they worked.

Doc backed away, his hooves tapping on the metal floor as he ventured into the maze of stored away machines and inventions of all sorts.

He kept at a leisurely pace, his eyes scanning over every hiding spot a child could take refuge in.

Honestly, he’s still in a bit of disbelief that the three children running around his lab were the ones behind the infamous RaccoonInnit.

He had three villains in his presence. 

The fact amused him more than anything. He didn’t feel the need to arrest them or freak out, they were pretty harmless all things considered. 

Afterall, they were just three kids trying to get by in life. And now they were stuck in toddler bodies.

Doc rounds a corner, reaching the very back of his lab.

Immediately his eyes caught on a pile of wooden crates tucked against the wall.

Bingo.

If a kid was going to hide anywhere, it wouldn’t be inside a scary-looking, cobbled together machine. Not if they’re seeking out safety.

Being surrounded by a bunch of wooden crates would feel much safer and warm. It’d bring more comfort than the unforgiving cold of a metal machine.

Doc slowed his hoofsteps, stepping softer so as to not startle the boy too much. “Tommy?” He called quietly.

For a long moment, there was only quiet. But a soft sniffle confirmed that Doc was correct, this was where Tommy had hidden himself away.

Doc kneeled outside of the crates, right in front of the crack where he assumed Tommy would’ve squeezed his way in there. “Hey Tommy, you okay back there?”

Another sniffle, then a soft, “go away.”

“I’ll go away, but only after I make sure you’re alright.” Doc said, “Tubbo is very upset with himself for calling you out in front of everyone like that. But I’m not here to apologize on his behalf.”

“Good. He’s a wrongun.” Tommy said bitterly, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “He should feel bad.”

“That’s fair.” Doc agreed, “you have every right to be mad at him.”

“I do.” Tommy said, then in a softer tone asked, “why are you here? Why not Kristin or Tubbo or Ranboo? You don’t know me. Why do you even care?”

“I care because you’re important to Kristin, therefore, you’re important to me too. Another reason I’m the one who came to find you is that no one knows my lab like I do. I had a hunch that you would be hiding back here.” Doc chuckled, “I have a little one of my own that ran back here once. Hid in this exact same spot too.”

“Oh.” 

“Don’t worry, I can assure you that no one else would be able to find you here. It’s quite a secret hidey-hole.” Doc grunted as he adjusted his legs into a more comfortable position, leaning against the crates and keeping an eye on the entrance. “By the way, I did some tests on your blood, and the results are quite intriguing. Would you like to hear about them?”

“Are you trying to distract me?”

“Is it working?” Doc asked with a smile.

There’s a long pause as Tommy thought over it, then he muttered, “tell me.” There’s another pause, but before Doc can speak Tommy adds a soft and quick, “please.”

“Well, I can’t be completely certain without having you step into my hybrid diagnostic machine, but based on the blood cells and many other factors, I can easily conclude that you have some sort of body morphing ability.”

Doc can hear as Tommy straightens when the boy whacks his head against the crate above him, a long list of curses whispered shortly after. Doc has to stifle a chuckle at that.

He waits patiently as he hears Tommy move around, then suddenly the boy is peaking out of the crack in between the crates. “Body morphing?”

Doc nods, “it looks like you can change factors of your body unnaturally, similar to a shapeshifter, but it has more limitations.” Doc hummed as he thought of the best way to explain this to a teenager, “some of the things you might be able to do would be expanding your jaw, sharpening your fingernails, altering your eye appearance, making your bones more flexible, and probably many more examples that I can’t think of right now.”

“Oh. I thought that was just my raccoon hybrid stuff.” Tommy said, finally leaving the crates to look Doc in the eye. “Though I guess that would explain how I was able to bite the entirety of a man’s head that one time…”

Doc startled a bit, but Tommy didn’t seem to notice, he tapped his tiny fingers to his chin in thought, biting his lip as he started to pace as well.

“Does this mean I can give myself wings like Kristin?” He suddenly whirled around and asked, his eyes bright with excitement. “Or make myself super tall? Or change my hybrid features?”

Doc chuckled, “unfortunately no, I’m afraid all of those fall under a shapeshifter category.”

Tommy deflated, but he looked more annoyed than anything else, his tail flicking behind him. “That’s stupid.”

“Well, I think morphing is much cooler.” Doc said, watching as Tommy’s ear twitched in interest. “Besides, I think you’d be much too overpowered if you could shapeshift. You’d completely throw off the balance of the world.”

“You’re right, everyone would be too jealous of me.” Tommy agreed, “they wouldn’t be able to handle the fact that I’m a million- no, a trillion times better than them.”

Doc rolled his eyes in amusement, “I couldn’t agree more.”

Suddenly Tommy stopped in his tracks, his back to Doc. “I- uhm… Doc, do you think you’ll be able to make that potion in time?” He asked quietly, his voice slightly shaking, “sorry for the sudden topic change, but I can’t get it out of my head.”

“I understand, no worries.” Doc affirmed him, “I’m going to do the best I can to have the potion completed within a week. Seven days at the latest.”

“What if it’s too late by then?” Tommy whispered, just barely loud enough for Doc to hear. “We all know that the potion has pretty much completely taken hold of me. I’ll be the first to go.” He sniffled, “can you save them? Tubbo and Ranboo? If I can’t be saved from this, can you keep them from suffering the same fate?”

“Tommy…”

“Please. Just promise me you’ll find the solution to fix them.”

“I promise. Not to just save them, but to save you too.” Doc said, “though Tommy, even if the potion takes complete hold of you, there’s still hope.”

Tommy lifted a hand to wipe at his face before he turned around to face Doc, his eyes already starting to turn puffy and red. “There really isn’t. Once the potion settles in, that’s it. I’m gone. All my memories, my knowledge, my villainy… Look at me! I can’t rob a bank with the brain of a three year old! I’ll forget all the tricks I learned over months of trial and error!”

“You’re giving up too easily.” Doc decided, “potions are tricky things, but none of them are immune to reversal. For example-” Doc pulled up his lab coat sleeve, brushing through the fur on his arm, “c’mere, and look close at my arm.”

Tommy cautiously approached, barely stepping close enough to see what Doc was pointing at.

“See how the skin here is a shiny light green?” Doc asked, waiting for Tommy to nod. “It’s a massive scar that takes up my whole left forearm.” He moved the fur on his upper arm to show Tommy the normal darker green of his skin (he’d use his right arm, but that was replaced with a metal arm from an unrelated incident). “This was from the effect of a nasty poison potion I spilled. The stuff nearly devoured my arm clean through, for a minute, there was only bone and blood.”

“No- you can’t just heal that kind of damage- that shouldn’t be possible.” Tommy said, his eyes filled with a sickly fear. “What did you do to fix it?” Tommy poked at Doc’s arm, testing it against his upper arm to compare the two. Doc knew that they felt the same, the only remains of that incident was the massive scar and some occasional flashes of phantom pain if he thought about it too much. “Your arm and fur are fully grown back. Fur shouldn’t be able to grow on scarred skin. All the hair follicles are torn up and destroyed. I know that shit doesn’t come back for a fact.”

Tommy reached up to his right raccoon ear, shifting the fur to try and show Doc his own scar, but he was struggling to do so.

“May I?” Doc asked instead, seeing how flustered Tommy was becoming and not wanting the boy to hide away again.

Tommy reluctantly nodded, then leaned towards Doc, letting the goat hybrid gently shift through the fur of his ear. “Got it from a fight with a so-called “hero”. Nearly sawed my ear right off. He was aiming to kill me. Almost did too. ” Tommy whispered in admittance, “I don’t know what happened to him, haven’t seen him in a long while. I think and hope he died. As morbid as that is.”

Sure enough, near the base of Tommy’s ear was a ragged light pink scar with no fur to cover it. It stretched from one side to the other, only a small part of the skin left uncut. Luckily for Tommy, enough of the hair follicles that were undamaged grew his fur long enough to cover it, so unless he showed people, they’d never know.

“I think I know who you’re talking about.” Doc said bitterly, even the thought of the cruel “hero” caused a dark cloud to form in his mind. “You’re safe. I promise. It’s not public news, but he is… no longer in service. Or able to harm you.”

Doc was not about to tell a teenager that his old tormentor had been murdered in a brutal way. To the heroes, it was obvious that it was the work of Quackity, but they didn’t have any evidence to prove that. If Tommy pried further, then Doc would provide the extra information of course, but for now the vague comfort seemed to calm him.

Tommy straightened, but remained close, eyeing the man curiously. “I threw our conversation off track. Tell me about how you fixed your arm.”

“Oh, right.” Doc cleared his throat and continued where he left off. “Even if there are potions that affect your body, there are still different potions that can undo that damage.”

“There’s no way a healing potion did that.” Tommy said bluntly. “The use of those are rare, and even then they can only heal sickness or cuts to a certain degree.”

“Not healing, regeneration.” Doc smiled at Tommy, wriggling his fingers. “I made one once a long time ago. Had it in storage in case of an emergency. Thanks to that, all the muscle, skin, and hair just… grew back. I didn’t expect the potion to be that strong, I thought it’d only heal a bit of muscle and skin.”

“I know you’re trying to give me hope, but there is a large difference between an arm and a brain.” Tommy pointed out grimly, “I doubt your magic potion of regeneration can fix a lost memory.”

“Well, we won’t know until we try.” Doc said, though he knew it’d be harder to comfort Tommy with the truth, “If there’s a de-aging process to your brain, then perhaps there is a regaining process for when you return to your normal self.”

“Thank you for your honesty, but I have high doubts that I’ll ever go back to normal.” Tommy sat down, curling into a ball. “The worst part is that I can do nothing to keep myself from forgetting. I just have to sit here and watch as my entire life vanishes before my eyes.”

“We’re going to fix it before it gets that far.” Doc promised. “Seven days. Count them down with me, alright? You’re going to be okay.”

What Doc didn’t say was that he feared that Tommy’s stress could speed up the de-aging process. What he didn’t say was that if Tommy de-aged, it would most likely rush the process for Tubbo and Ranboo.

He couldn’t say anything about his theories, if Tommy knew that, his stress levels would only increase.

“I know we just met, but if you’re able, I’d like for you to trust me with this potion making business.” Doc said softly, “if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that if I’m given a task, I will stop at nothing to complete it. For heaven’s sake I managed to build a teleporter, something that non-hybrid scientists have been attempting to do for decades.”

“You built a teleporter?” Tommy asked with a sniffle.

Doc shrugged sheepishly, “well, almost. It did explode after the tenth test. But it was still a successful invention!”

A laugh bubbled out of Tommy just then, a soft one, but it was an improvement to the boy's mood. “I don’t think that counts if it exploded into a million pieces. I don’t think I’d like to explode into a million pieces either.”

“You won’t,” Doc scoffed with a smile, “you’re not a machine I cobbled together in spite. You’re a person, and I know plenty of people, myself included, who will stop at nothing to help you and your friends regain your memories if we need to.”

Tommy thought over that for a while, eyeing Doc as though he was looking for some sort of tell that Doc was lying. “Can… Do you promise?”

Doc held out his pinkie finger, “I swear it.”

The boy paused, his eyes flicking back and forth from Doc’s eyes to his pinkie finger, still extended for Tommy to take. Finally he moved to lock his pinkie with Doc’s, “if you break this promise I get to have your metal arm.”

Doc laughed in surprise, “I don’t remember saying I’d give you my arm.”

“Well we already shook on it, no take-backs.” Tommy said proudly, sticking his tongue out at the goat hybrid. “Now that your arm is on the line, you’re more likely to keep that promise.”

“I’d never break a promise, but if my arm on the line is what makes you feel more comfortable, then so be it.”

Tommy nodded, but didn’t move to stand up, sitting quietly and thinking to himself.

Doc patiently sat with him, not moving to stand or fidget. Tommy was clearly trying to calm himself or make some sort of choice, and Doc wasn’t about to disturb that. Tommy took a deep breath, then looked to Doc once more. “I’m ready to go back.”

Doc smiled, and slowly got to his hooves, almost forgetting just how short Tommy was compared to his full height. 

Tommy raised his arms at Doc, “my legs are broken, up please.”

“I highly doubt they’re broken seeing as you scurried your way back here, but alright.” Doc rolled his eyes, the fond smile not fading for a second as he reached down and lifted Tommy, depositing the child onto his back.

He walked slowly, making sure that Tommy didn’t lose his balance. 

On their way to the front of the laboratory, Tommy asked various questions about Doc’s machines, showing a special interest in any of them that had something to do with fire. 

Note to self: when the kids are back in their teen bodies, keep them out of my laboratory. Traps and extra security measures may be required.

Tommy quieted down when they reached the final bend, his little fingers tangling themselves in Doc’s fur nervously. 

Tubbo saw them first, concern melting into relief as he caught sight of Tommy.

Doc twisted to lift Tommy up from his back and place the boy on the floor, holding back a wince as Tommy nearly yanked his fur out. Tommy stood nervously for a long moment, seemingly waiting for someone to shout or express some sort of frustration with him.

But none of that came. Instead, Tubbo quickly added another ingredient to the brewing stand, muttered some instructions to Eret, then dashed over, slowing when he met Tommy face to face.

“I’m sorry, Tommy.” Tubbo said quietly, “I shouldn’t have called you out like that in front of everyone.”

“You should be sorry.” Tommy muttered in return, his tail flicking in an emotion Doc couldn’t quite place. “Embarrassin’ me like that.”

Instead of saying anything more, Tubbo simply yanked Tommy forward into a tight hug. He whispered something that made Tommy fully relax into the hug, clinging to Tubbo just as tightly.

Tommy let go first, nudging Tubbo back towards the stand, “go back to your nerdy science shit. I forgive you or whatever.”

Tubbo scoffed, “alright, alright. I’m going.”

Ranboo took Tubbo’s place, taking Tommy’s hands and swinging them back and forth between them. “Did you find any cool machines back there? Maybe some that can cause mass destruction?”

Doc had to do a double take with how joyously Ranboo asked that last question.

Tommy beamed at the boy, his tail starting to move happily once more. “You bet you’re fucking ass I did. Doc told me all about them too, I reckon I can probably make them work.”

“Yeahhhh, I’m gonna cut in here and say that you absolutely cannot do that.” Doc said, “I’ve already placed various security measures on them.” 

He’s lying of course, he didn’t expect any random person to get past his front door (which already had layers upon layers of codes and scans and protection), but these kids don’t have to know that.

Doc chuckled to himself, sent Kristin a thumbs up to signal that everything went just fine between him and Tommy, then followed after Tubbo.

“How’s the potion coming along?” He asked as he approached, leaning down a bit to get a better look. The bottles within the stand actually changed in hue, turning from clear to a darker blue.

Tubbo hummed, “not as well as I hoped. I’ve been debating on telling you guys this, but with the potion accelerating in its effects, I don’t think I have much of a choice.” Tubbo’s goat ears flattened to the side of his head, “with potions being so finicky, I think we might have to recreate the potion at our apartment.”

Now it was Doc’s turn to hum, thinking through the boy’s idea. “They’re finicky, I agree, but not so much that we won’t be able to recreate the potion.”

Tubbo sighed, “that’s what I feared. But I don’t know what else to do. Surely it would raise our chances?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I’m going to be very blunt here, but there is no chance that the air in your apartment will be the exact same as it was on the day you made the potion.”

Tubbo deflated a bit, then a timer buzzed, and he proceeded to add the next ingredient to the potion, causing it to turn a deep purple. “I thought so, but I didn’t want to admit it.”

“I already made this promise to Tommy, and I’ll make it to you too.” Doc started, looking Tubbo in the eye, “I will recreate this potion within a week. Seven days at most. Maybe one or two days at the least.”

“Really?” Tubbo asked, unsure. “I don’t know if you can. I’ve been trying to recreate this ever since I made it the first time.”

“You’ve written down your notes of each attempt, correct?”

Tubbo nodded, “of course. Though my handwriting has slowly gotten worse, so it’s hard to read. And not to rush you, but I think I’m also starting to lose my reading comprehension, which is rough seeing as I’m already dyslexic.”

“That’s okay. I’m a pro at reading a kid’s handwriting.” Doc assured him. “Besides, I have a bunch of potion stands and bottles arriving today. Ordered them straight from Quackity’s business, his brand is the only one I trust for my materials and tools. I’ve only ever seen high quality stuff coming from him.”

Tubbo nodded, “I bought a flamethrower from him the other day, it’s the first of many, and he’s probably going to sell a ton of them.”

“I have to get my hands on one of those. It’d be a great addition to a new machine I’ve been cooking up.”

Eret cleared their throat, “not to break up this conversation, but I think we should focus more on the potion then on Quackity’s… business models.”

Doc grinned, “of course, of course. Now Tubbo, let’s finish this potion, then show me one more process from start to finish. I want to make sure I can see exactly what goes on.”

Tubbo nodded, then launched into explanations as he added ingredient after ingredient. Each time the potion would swirl into a new color, a promising red starting to show before it faded into an inky black. A failed potion attempt.

But they started anew, and tried one last time.

Doc was going to make this potion. 

He has a promise to keep.

------ Three days later ------

Quackity flew full speed towards Philza, slamming into him and causing the bird hero to fall a couple feet before he righted himself, and with one flap of his wings he was back by Quackity, his sword quick to swing at Quackity’s leg.

The two grappled and swung in the air, whoever fell first would likely be defeated, and Quackity refused to go down without saying his piece. 

For Quackity, fighting in the air is usually something he liked to avoid. He’s never been the best flyer, his wings weren’t as big as Philza’s, meaning he had to use twice as much energy to stay afloat. Honestly, his soft yellow wings shouldn’t be big enough for flight, but then again, there’s literally a world of hybrid people with abilities that shouldn’t be possible either. But here they are.

“What are you doing all this for, Quackity!” Philza shouted over the fight, “you’ve never purposely sought me out before! You normally send one of your lackeys to fight me!”

“Well this time it’s personal!” Quackity replies, swinging his sword to deflect Philza’s (a gun would’ve been more efficient, but Kristin would kill him for injuring her husband too much, so the sword was a better bet (yes of course Quackity knows that Kristin and Philza are married, they share gossip over lunch whenever they get a chance)).

“How is it personal?! We don’t even know one another!” Philza grunted as he moved to knock Quackity with his wing, then sliced towards the villain once more, this time earning himself a slash down Quackity’s already bad eye.

Quackity hissed in pain, reeling back to press a hand to the wound, his fingers coming back soaked with blood. “You son of a bitch! First Techno fucking gouged my eye out with a goddamn pickaxe, and now you cut trough a barely healed scar?! You fucking prick!”

“In Techno’s defence, that was an accident! And so was this! I was aiming for your shoulder!”

“Bullshit! Your stupid tower would prefer us villains dead over taking us to prison!” Quackity screeched as he flung himself towards Philza, the hero barely able to swing his sword up at the last minute to block Quackity’s blade. “I swear to prime, if you fucking ruined my prosthetic I will ruin your career.”

Normally, Philza isn’t so aggressive while fighting a villain. Then again, Quackity is one of the bigger names of the city, and pretty well known for his threats and murders that he was obviously guilty for, but he was very good with loopholes in the laws, so it became nearly impossible to arrest him. Not to mention, they couldn’t arrest him without undeniable evidence, and Quackity was a master at destroying every possible piece of it.

Apparently, Philza wasn’t holding back this time around.

“I’ll buy you a new one if that’s the case!” Philza shouted, suddenly twisting away from where their swords were locked and slashing at Quackity once more.

“That’s weirdly kind of you, but not the point! This was a gift from a friend!” Quackity hollered, though this time he was more confused than anything. The prosthetic was a gift from Schlatt, he designed it to look like an eight ball from the game of pool. Why in the world is this goddamn hero offering to replace it?

“I don’t know what else to tell you! I’m still confused as to why you’re suddenly attacking me!”

Quackity hissed at the man, dodging another swing of the blade and dancing around him, “you stole my fucking kids!” He finally reveals, flying back to wipe away the steady stream of blood that ran from the new cut on his face and onto his lip. He relaxed his sword arm, but he kept a careful eye on Philza in case he needed to defend himself once more.

Philza paused, no longer swinging his sword as he processed what Quackity said. “You mean the orphans Kristin took home?”

“Yes! Who else?!”

“They told us they don’t have any parents or guardians.” Philza said, relaxing his posture ever so slightly when he saw that Quackity was no longer in a fighting stance. “They came home with Kristin willingly.”

“They’re my kids.” Quackity insisted, “I bought them their apartment and kept it cheap, I taught them how to stay alive when living on nothing because they refused to let me help them financially, I kept them from being hunted down or murdered. I’ve kept them as safe as I could from a distance while slowly gaining their trust.” Quackity looked up at the hero, his voice breaking as he asked, “don’t you know who they are?”

Philza sighed, tucking his sword into its sheath. He could take it out of there as fast as a whip, so it wasn’t too much of a disadvantage for the man. “Of course I know who they are. I recognized them the second I saw them. Even with the hair dye and makeup on.” He rubbed at his eye as though he was scrubbing away exhaustion. “They don’t know I know. I’ve been playing dumb because I don’t want to scare them away. My wife and even Techno already know who they are. I can tell because I’ve known them for a long time. They’ve been lying to me, but I understand why they are. They don’t know how I’d react to realizing the kids identities. They’re trying to keep the kids safe. They also find it incredibly funny that I don’t know.”

“Then give my boys back to me.” Quackity said, his voice on the verge of a plea. “I- I love those kids so much, I just want them back. I want to see them again. I haven’t seen them since you fuckers stole them away from me.”

“For what it’s worth, Quackity, I’m sorry.” Philza said earnestly, “I don’t think anyone knows that you consider the kids yours. Many think you’re just protecting them.”

Quackity groaned loudly, “everyone’s been telling me that lately. It’s starting to get really fucking annoying.”

Philza sighed, “look. Maybe we can try to strike some sort of deal.”

“A deal?” Quackity asked, interest sparking in his good eye. “I’m listening.”

“You call off your team of villains, and in return I can set up some sort of meeting with the kids. They should be the ones to choose who they want their guardians to be if we can’t find a reversal potion for them. Or if… if the potion doesn’t work.”

“You have a team working on that too?”

Philza nodded, “of course. We can’t just let the potion take hold of them and take them in. We could raise them to not be villains, but then I don’t think they would be the kids they already are. They’d be completely different.”

“How bad is it?” Quackity asked slowly, a nervous twinge starting to stir in his stomach. “How bad are the reversal effects?”

This time Philza looked away, his brows pitched in sorrow, “I- I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the potion has almost fully taken hold.”

Quackity gasped, unable to stop it before he could slap a hand over his mouth to silence it.

“More often than not, the boys are stuck in this three-year-old mind. Only sometimes do they come back with their usual speech and intelligence. And even those moments are becoming rare.” Philza choked back his own heartbreak. Sure they were considered “villains”, but watching the three regress into this toddler state hurt more than he thought it would. They were so good at putting on a brave face in front of him, trying to pretend they were perfectly fine. “I’m sorry Quackity, but even with everyone’s efforts to remake the potion, I don’t know if we’ll be fast enough.”

“Don’t say that.” Quackity snapped, then repeated louder, “Don’t you dare fucking say that. One of our teams will figure out how to make that stupid fucking reversal potion, and then the boys will be back to normal.”

“Quackity…”

“Shut the fuck up.” Quackity cut him off, his eyes embarrassingly starting to burn, “if you give up hope I will kill you, you old fuck.”

Philza’s eyes widened, “primes, that escalated quickly.” He shook his head, holding his hands in a placating gesture. “If the kids are stuck in this toddler state, then they should have a choice on who their guardians should be.”

“I agree.” Quackity mumbled reluctantly, he couldn’t bear the thought of taking away the right for the boys to choose who they would like to stay with. But deep down, he already knew that they would choose Philza over him. Despite this, he continued, “we can try to both gain custody, move the kids back and forth every week?”

Philza smiled, “yeah mate, that could work. Only if they agree to it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“So, do we have a deal?” Philza asked, holding out his hand for a handshake.

How easy it would be for Quackity to pull out his sword and cut Philza’s hand right off. His bird instincts begged for him to just steal them away in the night and stow them away in his nest.

He didn’t do any of that, shaking off the bird-brained thoughts and shaking Philza’s hand. “It’s a deal.”

“I’ll send a letter to the casino with information. We can agree on a location and time, and from there it’s up to the kids.”

Quackity nodded, “I’d say it’s been a pleasure working with you, but that’s not the case. I still despise you, Philza.”

“I know.”

With one last glance at Philza, Quackity tucked his wings close to his body, and allowed gravity to pull him down.

Tears burned in his eyes, but he blamed it on the wind as he sped towards the earth. He tapped a finger to his ear. “All villains, retreat. We got what we came for.”

A static filled cheer followed, and a couple of questions, but Quackity wasn’t up to answering. Instead he continued, “meet up at the casino for information if you wish, or make off with your goods. I don’t care.” With that he shut off his radio.

As he neared the top of a building, he opened his wings, the soft feathers catching the wind and slowing his descent as he instead glided forward. Lazily, he flew towards his casino.

His team had done their job. Working together to strike multiple places at once and force most of the heroes to leave their tower and pursue them. 

When Philza launched himself from his balcony, it was Quackity’s turn to fight the man.

He almost wished he took more of his anger out on the hero, but he didn’t. He couldn’t betray Kristin’s trust and their deal to not harm a hero too much. Only if they were going to kill him, and even then his top priority should be escaping with his life intact.

Primes, his plan didn’t go exactly how he wanted. 

He was supposed to fight Philza, win, then proceed to force Philza to let him have the kids.

Curse his soft heart that made him want the kids to choose. He should just steal them away in the night, force them to live with him.

But they would never be happy with that, would they?

Fuck. 

The bird side of his brain was screaming at him relentlessly nowadays, even with Schlatt’s advice about trying to trick his brain into believing it already had what it wanted.

Because the truth is that the boys are out of the “nest” that Quackity had provided them. He can’t visit them as often as he used to, they haven’t visited him to wreak havoc in his casino, his kids left him without a second thought. In his mind they were far from being able to leave the nest in the first place, especially now.

In fact, his damned bird brain has been so bad that he already made rooms for the boys to live in, right across from his own.

They used to be old offices and storage rooms, so they were pretty decent sizes, and Schlatt tried to stop him multiple times whenever they received a shipment of new furniture, but Quackity just couldn’t stop.

It comforted him to try creating a comfortable space for his boys, even though he already knew, deep down, that the rooms would most likely go without use.

He used one of his massive wall windows to enter his office, landing softly on the plush red carpet in the middle.

Then he simply sat down in his chair, and waited for whatever villains wanted to stop by.

Quackity’s eye remained on the heroes tower in the distance, his brain providing the depressing image of them being perfectly happy there without him.

He could hear the disgusting wet sound of Slime scooching under his door without knocking.

Quackity turned around at the odd behavior, Slime never broke that rule.

Slime reformed himself, then froze as he caught sight of Quackity. “Quackity from Las Nevadas! What are you doing back so soon?”

Quackity raised an eyebrow at the guy, “I made a deal with Philza. What are you doing sneaking into my office?”

Slime shrank in on himself, tapping his index fingers together (something Tommy taught him as a joke, but now Slime used it unironically). “I… I was told to tell you that I miss you in case you caught me, and Schlatt asked me to take your pen because you wouldn’t mind.”

Quackity huffed, “I do mind, actually. Tell Schlatt that he’s a shithead for making you think otherwise.”

Slimecicle’s eyes widened, “Quackity from Las Nevadas, you’re bleeding!”

“Oh…” Quackity touched a hand to his eye, pulling back to see his fingers soaked with blood. He was so lost in thought that the constant sting of the cut down his face didn’t affect him as much as it should. The nerves were pretty damaged from the last time the scar was sliced open, so maybe that contributed. “Right. Can you bring me my first aid kit?”

Slimecicle nodded, rushing to the side of the room to pull a small silver briefcase from a nearby shelf. He scrambled back over to Quackity, flinging the case open and grabbing whatever he thought would help as though Quackity was bleeding out and would die at any second.

Quackity chuckled, “Slime, calm down. It’s just a cut.” He told his friend, taking the bandages to the other side of the room where a massive golden edged mirror sat upon the wall.

Though his office was already quite large, the mirror helped to make it look absolutely massive. He quite liked the thing.

The cut looked worse than he thought, now that he was getting a proper look at it.

Blood was already soaking into the collar of his white shirt, which would be an absolute nightmare to clean.

Quackity groaned at the thought, then tended to his wound, watching through the mirror as Slimecicle shoved things back into the first aid kit before scrambling towards Quackity once more.

“Can I help?” Slime asked, his face pitched in concern.

“No, thank you.” Quackity said, hissing as he touched a cloth to his eye to soak up the blood and wipe away the clots. “No offence, but your first aid training still needs work.”

Slimecicle deflated a bit at that, making Quackity feel bad for being so blunt. He quickly amended himself with, “actually, it’d be a great help if you could grab Schlatt for me. I think I need some stitches.”

Slime lit back up immediately, saluting to Quackity with a cheerful, “yes, Quackity from Las Nevadas! I will be right back with Schlatt!”

With that, the slime hybrid scurried away, slipping under Quackity’s door with a nasty wet sound.

Quackity sighed, still holding the cloth to his face. 

Primes, what is he going to do? What if his kids decide to not go with him? What if they forgot him completely?

What if he never gets to see them again?

“We need to find that cure. And fast.” Quackity muttered to himself. “I can’t lose them. Not after everything.”

Quackity went to flop down in his office chair, wincing as he laid against his wings in an uncomfortable way. They were sore from being up in the air for so long, he’d have to lay off of them for a day or two.

Now, all he had to do was wait for Philza’s letter to arrive. 

Chapter Text

Their agreed meeting place was a rented out office that was an equal distance from the heroes tower and Quackity’s casino. They all agreed to come alone with no backup, and without telling anyone where they were going.

With the obvious exception of Kristin.

Last night, to make this whole meeting less awkward, Philza took the time to sit Kristin and Techno down while the kids were in bed, and explained that he knew the kids true identities the entire time. Both Techno and Kristin laughed at their own lack of subtlety, and at how fast Phil figured it out. 

Techno and Philza were the first to arrive at the office building, watching Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo mess around and play in the much too large meeting room they rented. The table was meant to seat about fourteen people, and they would only have a total of seven.

While they waited for Quackity, Philza had the time to make himself and Techno some coffee from the courtesy coffee maker tucked in the corner. There was even sugar and powdered creamer for them to use as they pleased. They took their seats at the head of the table furthest from the door.

Tommy begged to have a sip of Phil’s coffee for a grand total of fifteen seconds before he was distracted by a game Tubbo and Ranboo were making up and forgot about the drink immediately.

“He’s late.” Philza muttered into his cup, his knee bouncing.

“The clock just hit five, Phil.” Techno reminded him gently, though Phil could tell by the way Techno’s shoulders were tense that he was nervous as well. He checked his phone, “mom is stuck trying to find parking, she says she’ll be up here as soon as she can.”

Phil sighed, “I knew driving would be a bad idea.”

Techno snorted, “we didn’t have much of a choice with three kids who need booster seats. Trying to corral them into multiple buses and trams with us would be torture. I don’t trust Tommy to not run onto the street the second the bus doors open.”

Philza let out a tense laugh, but he started to relax ever so slightly.

About five minutes past their agreed time, Quackity finally entered the room.

His posture suggested he was nervous too, his wings pressed tightly against his back. But his face held a look of determination.

It took the trio a minute to realize someone had entered the room, giving Quackity just enough time to set down the only thing he openly carried with him at the opposite side of the table.

A simple notebook and pen.

“Quackity!” Ranboo called out excitedly, immediately running towards the man.

Quackity’s determined face immediately melted into one of pure affection as he kneeled down just in time for Ranboo to slam into him for a hug.

However, this wasn’t the case for the other two.

Tommy immediately dashed towards Philza, jumping into his lap to hide himself in his arms, his tail tucked and his eyes shyly glancing towards the newcomer.

Tubbo wasn’t as nervous, but he did hide himself behind Techno’s chair, taking the man’s hand in his and squeezing it tightly.

Quackity noticed this, and again his expression changed, though this time the look of heartbreak was enough to pull at Phil’s own heartstrings.

“Boys?” Quackity asked, his hug around Ranboo tightening slightly. “What- what’s wrong? It’s me, Quackity.”

Ranboo was content to stay in Quackity’s arms as the man stood up, reaching around the villain’s shoulders to play with the soft yellow feathers of his wings.

Tommy said nothing, hiding his face in Phil’s arms.

Phil held the boy, rocking him gently. “I’m… sorry, Quackity. We told you that the potion had almost settled into full effect when we last saw one another. But within the short time it took for us to set up this meeting, the potion accelerated the process. They remember nothing of the time when they were teenagers.” Phil explained, his voice gentle despite the fact that this man was a villain, and he was a hero. They were supposed to be enemies, yet the way Quackity so obviously loved these kids was something Philza could relate to.

They were the same in the way their bird instincts screamed to care for the tiny hatchlings. In the way they both loved the trio of troublemakers.

“I know…” Quackity said quietly, his voice breaking as he subconsciously bounced Ranboo in his arms, the boy still happily messing with his wings, his little fingers ever so gentle. “I guess I just hoped you were lying to me. So that you could keep them.”

“I believe this situation is too delicate to lie about.” Techno spoke up as Tubbo moved to climb into his lap and curl into a ball. “We’ve all grown very attached to these kids. And I’m the one that has a weapon named “Orphan Obliterator” .”

That got Quackity to let out an amused huff, relieving just a tiny bit of the growing tension of the room. “They have a habit of winning people over.”

A silence grew between them as Quackity turned all of his attention to Ranboo, smiling when the boy noticed him staring and beamed at the man. 

His little hands moved to poke at Quackity’s cheeks, giggling as he smooshed and moved them about.

“I’m glad you recognize me, Ranboo.” Quackity told the boy despite his voice sounding funny due to Ranboo’s manipulation of his cheeks, his tone unbelievably soft and fond.

“You gave me Enderchest and Gooper! I love them and I love you!” Ranboo told him happily, his filter long gone after the potions effects took hold. “Thank you thank you thank you!”

“Of course…” Quackity told him, his eyes watering. “Anytime.”

Ranboo’s smile fell as he noticed Quackity was close to crying, his eyes growing big and concerned. “What’s wrong?” His fingers clumsily brushed away one of the tears that finally fell. Then his little hands reached to brush through Quackity’s hair, a movement he learned from Kristin when she comforted him as he cried. Though since Quackity wore a beanie 24/7, Ranboo had to instead brush through the loose locks sticking out instead. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Let it all out. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, Ranboo.” Quackity sniffled, smiling despite another tear slipping down his cheek, one that Ranboo quickly brushed away as well, his face scrunched up in concentration despite the slight hiss of his skin touching water.

Ranboo patted Quackity’s cheek now, “crying is good for you, that’s what mom says.”

Phil totally forgot that the kids had started calling Kristin mom after the potion became permanent. It was almost jarring to hear it, seeing as they only ever referred to Phil as “Philza” “old man” and sometimes just “Phil” though the last one was only used when they were frustrated or upset.

“That sounds like Kristin.” Quackity chuckled. “I didn’t know she reached mom status already, good for her.”

“They’ve become very attached to her.” Phil spoke up, gently rubbing Tommy’s back when the boy pulled Phil’s hand there. A surge of protection hit his gut as he added, “you speak as though you’re familiar with her. Have you met before?”

Quackity kept his gaze on Ranboo as he replied with a vague, “once or twice. Enough to get a good grasp on her personality.”

Techno huffed in annoyance, “Phil, you’re forgetting that he’s kidnapped Kristin multiple times.”

“In my defense it’s been a while since I’ve last done that.” Quackity smirked. “Last time we went out for brunch together. It was quite lovely.”

“Heh?!” Techno exclaimed, “last time you had her tied to a chair hanging from a hundred story building!”

Quackity huffed and rolled his eyes, “it was only seventy five stories. Besides, that obviously occurred after our outing. It’s not like my villain status is all that secret, it’s thanks to all my relations and some laws that your organization can’t touch me. Kristin knows who I am, I know who she is, sometimes we have outings together. You’re very lucky to get to know such an extraordinary woman.”

Phil’s heart fluttered just thinking about his wife. He was so smitten with her that it was almost pathetic. His thoughts became distracted with thoughts of her, his protective anger vanishing immediately. He sighed with a smile, “she’s perfection itself.” He snapped himself out of his lovestruck daze by remembering where he was and why he was here. He cleared his throat awkwardly, his face burning, “however, that’s not the topic of today’s meeting. Though I definitely need to speak to Kristin about her wanting to get brunch with a villain. So, how would you like to go about negotiations?”

Quackity pressed a kiss to the top of Ranboo’s head, his gaze slipping to melancholy. “I- I have to think about the fact that Tubbo and Tommy wouldn’t come with me now that they don’t…” He sniffled a little as he paused, “now that they don’t recognize me, I can’t take them home without them being uncomfortable about it. But if Ranboo would like to stay with me then I’ll take him at the very least.”

Tommy suddenly gasped, scrambling out of Phil’s lap to address the other avian, “you can’t steal Ranboo! He’s our brother!”

Ranboo hugged Quackity tightly, flinching at Tommy’s shout. He calmed down quickly enough, turning to Quackity with his green and red eyes wide.“Steal me? What about Tommy and Tubbo? They have to come with me.”

“If they’re open to it then they’re more than welcome to join, but I can’t just take them without their permission. Your brothers don’t remember me right now, I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.”

Ranboo furrowed his eyebrows determinedly, “Tommy, Tubbo! We should go to Quackity’s house!” he called to his friends, “he’s really cool and he promised ice cream!”

“Ice cream?” Quackity whispered, “when in the world did I offer that?”

Ranboo made pleading eyes at the villain, and Quackity immediately caved, “yeah, sure. Whatever ice cream you’d like.”

Ranboo beamed at the man, then wiggled himself out of Quackity’s grasp to jog over and meet Tommy face to face, his long tail swishing back and forth like a cats would. He whispered something into Tommy’s ear, the racoon hybrid’s eyes widening as he seemed to be reminded of something.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh! I know you!” Tommy suddenly gasped, “you gave us our cool ass flame thrower!”

Quackity brightened, “yeah! That was me! I also gave you those backpacks and gasoline, and later that night I brought you your cars that we modified!”

Tommy nods excitedly before his ears press flat to his head and his tail tucked between his legs in guilt, “sorry I forgot…”

“It’s alright Tommy, that was near the time the potion took effect, your brains were probably adjusting.” Quackity reasoned, though he looked relieved.

Tommy tilted his head to the side in confusion, though he nodded nonetheless. He whirled around to skip back towards Tubbo, grabbing the boy by the arm and gently pulling him out of Techno’s lap. “C’mon Tubs! Don’t be scared, it’s Quackity. We like him!”

Tubbo quietly allowed Tommy to pull him near, avoiding any eye contact with Quackity. “You look different…” Tubbo said bluntly, his voice barely audible.

“It’s probably the reopened cut over my eye.” Quackity supplied quickly.

Ranboo scrambled back onto Quackity’s lap and stood up on the man's legs, relying on the duck hybrid to grab him before he lost his balance. “What happened?”

“Oh-” Quackity paused for a second then snorted, sending a partial glare Philza’s way, “just… an accident. That’s all. Nothing for you three to worry about.”

Philza was swallowing an apology when the door suddenly swung open, revealing his wife who looked as beautiful as always despite her slightly disheveled hair which looked as though she ran her fingers through it one too many times in the stress of finding parking in a city.

“Sorry I’m late!” She announced as she shut the door behind her, sending a bright smile towards the occupants of the room. “Traffic is a bitch around this area.”

“Mom!” All three of the boys cheered, Tommy immediately running to her and clambering up her leg and into her arms.

“We just saw one another!” Kristin laughed, tickling the boy's stomach and causing him to squeal and giggle, “surely you couldn’t miss me that much!”

“I missed you this much!” Tommy said proudly as he stretched his arms out as far as he could.

Kristin mimicked shock, “wow! That’s quite a lot!” Then she gave the boy a quick kiss on the forehead, “I missed you too, Tommy.”

Tommy giggled again, and Kristin looked back up to Quackity, giving him a smile. “Hello Quackity, it’s nice to see you again.”

“You weren’t lying about knowing my mother.” Techno hummed, subtle shock in his tone, “this is too weird for me.”

“We’ll discuss that later.” Kristin replied, though she sent a knowing look Quackity’s way, “I’ve been meaning to explain it all anyway.”

Phil was too stunned to even attempt some sort of response to that. His wife was friends with a villain. Okay. Sure. Now that Phil’s thinking about it, Kristin has never been all too upset after being kidnapped, this explains a lot.

Phil sighed and shook his head, “alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s start the discussion.”

“For starters,” Quackity spoke up first, “I know you’re just as attached to them as I am, so I propose that we split custody. Every two weeks they go between yours and mine. If that’s too much movement for them, then I’m willing to expand that to a monthly stay between both of us.”

“I won’t lie, I really thought you were going to try and get a majority of the time spent with them.” Phil confessed, pleasantly surprised at the development. “I like the even split between us.”

Quackity shrugged his shoulders, “it’s not as though you would’ve agreed had I split it any other way.”

Phil hummed in agreement, then they set into further explanation, making sure to include the boys when it came to the ultimate decision of time between the two homes.

Holiday’s were tough to workaround, but they settled on trading off. So the first year would go to Quackity, and the second would go to Philza. So on so forth. With a leap year, they decided that whoever had them would keep them a couple days leading into March to make it as fair as possible.

They even went as far into keeping a loose set of rules for the boys to follow between houses so they could keep some sort of rough routine. Bedtimes and nap times especially were decided on.

By the time they had finished most of their discussion, Quackity’s notebook was completely filled out, making sure to let Philza look over the notes as well and make sure Quackity didn’t add anything that wasn’t clearly talked about. An entire hour had already trickled by, and the boys were getting more restless by the minute.

“Philllllll,” Tommy whined, holding onto the hero's right leg and making pleading eyes at the man, “I’m booooored!”

“I know, Tommy. We’re almost finished here.” Phil told him, ruffling the boy's hair.

“Actually, I think we’re done.” Quackity said as he finished writing one last thing down. “I’ll get the legal documents prepared, and I’ll mail you the copies of the contract along with a summary of what it says, but make sure to read through the actual contract just in case and point out any flaws you see. Legal jargon is a fucking mess.”

“I’ll probably be the one to do that.” Techno spoke up, ignoring how Tubbo was currently climbing onto his shoulders, accidentally pulling at the pink hair as he went. “I tend to have a wider understanding of that than Phil does.”

“That’s fine by me.” Quackity agreed, “however, we will not go through or sign this contract until we know for certain that we can’t change the boys back into their former selves.”

“Absolutely.” Phil said, “the deadline that Doc set for himself is fast approaching. Only two days left. However, I’d still like to hold off on officially signing anything until we successfully get a potion made and the boys try it. If it doesn’t work, then we can agree to split custody.”

Quackity nods, “of course. Though if there’s a lengthy cushion time, I’d like to pop in and visit every now and again.”

Philza blinked at the man, but Quackity only stared back, showing that he was completely serious about the proposal. Phil sighed, “fine, we’ll take a couple visits to the casino. No offense, but I’m not about to let someone who’s technically a villain into the heroes tower.”

“Fair enough.” Quackity shrugged nonchalantly.

“So… is that everything?” Techno asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

Quackity closed his notebook, “I believe so.” He pulled out a shiny, golden, pocketwatch to check the time. His eyes widened ever so slightly. “I have another meeting to attend to today, so I’m afraid that I have to head out anyway.”

Ranboo crawled out from under the table, he’d been playing under there for a solid twenty minutes now, popping out every once in a while and trying to scare them. They entertained him of course, feigning shock each time.

“You’re leaving?” Ranboo asked, his eyes wide. “Will you come back?”

Quackity smiled softly at the boy, ruffling his hair gently, “of course. I’d never leave you guys behind. I swear it.”

“Why can’t you stay?” Ranboo asked next, his bottom lip starting to tremble. “I don’t want you to go…”

Ranboo climbed into Quackity’s lap, hugging the man as tightly as he could. “I want to come with you!”

“Ranboo…” Quackity started, holding the boy gently in his arms, “I’m pretty sure you don’t want to go to another boring meeting. You’ll have to wait in a room similar to this while myself and a bunch of other adults talk to one another.”

“I don’t care! I want to go with you!” Ranboo whined now, burying his face into Quackity’s chest.

Philza could see the second Quackity’s resolve died out, his face morphing into one of absolute pity. “I’d let you come with me if I could…”

Before Phil had the chance to try and talk Ranboo down, Kristin spoke up instead, “that’s perfectly fine by me if Ranboo stays with Quackity for the day. Tubbo, Tommy, do you want to stay with him too?”

“Kristin-” Phil tried to interrupt, but one look from his wife is all it took to shut him up. He trusted her, and she trusted Quackity. It was obvious that her mind was made up.

Tubbo and Tommy looked at one another, then simultaneously shook their heads. Tommy insisted, “I don’t wanna sit with adults! I want to go home!”

Kristin chuckled, “alright Tommy, we’re going home. Go find your shoes and socks so we can head out.” She looked to Quackity, a kindness in her eyes, “if you could bring him back before their bedtime that’d be perfect, though if Ranboo wants to stay the night with you, then please let me know and bring him back in the morning.”

Quackity nods, his wings betraying his attempt to not show his emotions as they fluttered excitedly. “Of course. Thank you, for everything, Kristin.”

Kristin sent the villain a warm smile, “of course.”

Quackity stood up, securing Ranboo in his arms, “alright Ranboo, you ready to sit in another boring meeting?” Quackity asked the boy, to which Ranboo cheered. Quackity rolled his eyes fondly and chuckled, “I’ve never seen anyone excited about going to a stuffy meeting before.”

Ranboo giggled, and Quackity moved him to sit atop his shoulders instead. “We’ll see you again soon. For now, Mr.Boo and I have people to meet.”

Tommy and Tubbo were surprisingly fine with Ranboo leaving without them, probably because they recognized Quackity as more of a friend than a stranger at this point. With a cheery giggle and a goodbye, Ranboo and Quackity left the meeting room.

Tommy came running over to Philza, pulling as hard as he could in order to force Phil onto his feet. “Get up! I want to go homeeee!”

“Tommy,” Phil chided gently, following Tommy’s insistence that he stands up, “we don’t speak to people that way, remember?”

Tommy sighed dramatically, “please?”

“Thank you.” Phil said, ruffling the boy’s hair as he made his way to the office doors. He waited for Kristin and Techno to follow him, Tubbo having already made himself at home in Techno’s arms. “Let’s go get some lunch. I’ve heard of this new local restaurant that’s been quite popular.”

“That sounds lovely.” Kristin said as they walked down the hall, “though you’re parking the car this time.”

Phil rolled his eyes fondly, a chuckle falling from his lips, “alright alright. If you insist.”

--------

The restaurant was a tad bit crowded, but the food was fantastic. And it wasn’t long before the family of heroes and their adopted villain children were back to the heroes tower, Tommy and Tubbo sleepy from full stomachs and a long afternoon.

Kristin got an update from Quackity on how Ranboo was doing, which included several photos even though he only had Ranboo for maybe two or three hours by this point.

One of Kristin’s favorites was one of Ranboo running barefoot across the giant table towards Quackity, a wide grin on his face and a bit of motion blur as Quackity most likely prepared to drop his phone to catch the boy. The faces of the other meeting attendees were already blurred out, which was smart considering he was sending the photos to a hero’s wife.

There was also a photo of Ranboo taking a selfie of the two of them, a close up photo of Ranboo blinding Quackity as he took a photo with the flash on, one of Ranboo playing with some dinosaur chicken nuggets at a restaurant, and one of the boy fast asleep against Quackity’s chest outdoors somewhere, probably walking to a park or car. The soft smile on Quackity’s face could make anyone second-guess the fact that this man was a full-time villain of the city.

Kristin was just barely getting out of the shower when her phone rang. 

She picked up the phone, her heart skipping a beat when the caller ID showed Doc’s number. She brought the device to her ear, trying to dry her hair the best she could with only one hand. 

“What’s the news?” She greeted, Doc wouldn’t call unless he had something big.

“I did it!” Doc said breathlessly. “I found the cure!”

Kristin froze, her phone almost slipping out of her hands. A bittersweet vine crawled up her spine. “Are you sure?” She asked, unable to stop the way her voice trembled ever so slightly.

“Yes!” Doc shouted out of pure excitement, “I managed to make the age reversal potion, tried it on myself, then was able to create an antidote! And it worked!”

“I- Doc-” Kristin found a laugh bubbling out of her, “that’s amazing! Oh my Primes! Oh my Primes! I- I need to tell Techno! And Phil! And the boys!”

She could hear as Doc stepped away from the phone for a second, shouting in celebration along with another person, who Kristin assumed was Eret.

“Bring the boys around tomorrow morning! I need to replicate the potion a couple more times just to be sure that I got it right!” Doc said, the smile on his face perfectly clear through his tone, “the kids should be able to return to their normal lives should they wish.”

Kristin laughed, though a worry started to eat at her gut. She quieted her voice to ask, “will their memories recover? Being a five year old in a teenage body sounds like more of a nightmare than the other way round.”

“I’m sure their memories will recover just fine.” Doc assured her, “we have Eret to help us out with that, and we both know she won’t let them out of her sight until they’re fully recovered. They might go into one hell of a sleep though.”

Kristin nodded instinctively, then remembered that Doc couldn’t see her. “I hope it’s a smooth and painless process.”

Doc hummed at that, “for me it was, but I’m unsure how it’ll affect them seeing as their brains have reverted. Though I’m certain that they’ll make a full recovery.”

Kristin sighed, putting her phone on speaker so she could more efficiently dry her hair as they spoke. “I trust you. Though I’m still worried.”

“I understand.” Doc assured her, his voice calm, “but these are some very brave kids you’ve stumbled upon. Not to mention their surprising intelligence in the most effective ways to cause trouble. I’m more worried about having to lock down everything I own after they return to their normal selves.”

This got Kristin to laugh again, the worry that was starting to build simmering down to something more tolerable. “You definitely will. I’m certain Tubbo managed to write down everything he saw in your lab before he fully reverted to a child.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” Doc hummed, and Kristin heard the gentle clatter of glass bottles jostling one another. “If you’ll excuse me now, I have to finish brewing these potions. I’ll see you and the kids tomorrow.”

“First thing in the morning.” Kristin assured him.

“Perfect. See you then!” Doc said before quickly leaving the call.

Kristin sat in silence for a long moment, catching her eye in the mirror and seeing that she was already sporting a frown.

She didn’t want to lose her kids. But she just had to hope that they’d stick around after growing up. Again.

She finished drying herself off and getting dressed into a soft pair of pajamas. It wouldn’t do much to tell the kids about Doc finding the cure. They wouldn’t really understand in their current state.

Phil, Techno, and Quackity however? They needed to know as soon as possible.

Kristin finished up in the bathroom and made her way to the living room, seeing that Techno and Phil were relaxing on the couch and conversing quietly between themselves. 

Phil looked up to catch her eye first. “We just tucked the boys into bed, they passed out in record time.”

Kristin chuckled quietly, taking a seat next to Phil and curling into him as close as she could. Taking a moment to simply breathe in the warmth of being next to him.

Phil scratched her back gently, “what’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing.” Kristin replied, not allowing herself to be sad about the good news she was just handed. “I actually have some great news.”

Techno perked up at that, “did Doc do it?”

Kristin pulled herself a little ways from Phil to make better eye contact with her son, smiling at the excitement that still managed to flicker in her chest. Because it is a good thing, treading along the lines of bittersweet. “Yes. I just got off the phone with him a couple minutes ago.”

“Holy shit.” Phil breathed, relaxing against the back of the couch, his hands covering his face. “I can’t believe that he managed it. We’re going to have to put him under contract or something similar so he never tries to replicate this potion ever again.”

Techno huffed in amusement, “that'll never work. This is Doc we’re talking about.”

“I know,” Phil said with a groan, “but we still need to try.” He pulled his hands away from his face to ask Kristin, “when will the cure be ready?”

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll have to call Quackity and inform him of this in just a minute.”

There was a long silence, Kristin didn’t move to stand.

“Kristin…” Phil said gently, “I know you said you’re okay, but I know you’re struggling with the idea of the boys leaving. I’ll for sure be heartbroken the moment they’re gone. But we don’t have much of a choice.”

“I know.” Kristin said softly, her eyes starting to burn. “I just… I hope they’ll visit.”

“I’m sure they will, mom.” Techno said with a light snort of amusement, “there’s no way they’ll just leave the heroes tower alone when they have so much inside information on it. I’m sure we’ll be fighting them off constantly. Or they’ll break in every other day or so.”

A wet chuckle fell from Kristin’s throat, “of course they will. I’m excited for them to be back in their own bodies and minds, but it’s hard to…”

“Let them go?” Phil finished her sentence, his gaze soft. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles, “they adore you, my dear. I doubt they’ll go far without including you somehow. Apparently you purposefully get kidnapped every other week or so, so I won't be too shocked if they decide to join in on that.”

“Ah. Right. I forgot I explained all that.” Kristin laughed, her face burning from embarrassment. Though Phil only looked at her with an endless amount of fondness.

One thing she hasn’t told Techno or Phil, was her new status as a villain. She’d keep that secret as long as she could.

“Maybe we can convince them to leave their villain life behind.” Phil said, a trace of hope in his tone, “we can provide the boys with the support they need, and they’ll no longer need to resort to crime to get by.”

Techno laughed at that, “we can try, but we all know it wouldn’t work. Those kids are in it for the thrill, the financial gain is just a bonus.”

“Exactly.” Kristin agreed, then she got to her feet, “now if you’ll excuse me, I need to call Quackity and tell him the news.”

“Alright, tell us how it goes.” Phil nodded, giving her hand a squeeze before letting it go once more.

Kristin made her way back to her bedroom, pausing when she was about to pass the boys bedroom door.

She poked her head into the room to check on the boys. Finding Tubbo and Tommy curled together on the bottom bunk. 

Well, not exactly “curled” around one another, more like Tommy’s limbs are spread out as far as he could get them, his arm over Tubbo’s face, who seemed perfectly content to ignore it. Tubbo however, was curled up in the smallest ball he could manage, his knees digging into Tommy’s side.

Kristin smiled, took a photo so she’d never forget the adorable sight, then left the room. She knew that this would be the last time she’d get to see their weird little napping habits. 

It was time to call Quackity. 

--------

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Quackity said into the phone, unable to force a more chipper tone.

Can anyone blame him? He’s about to lose his kids. They’ll be back to their usual selves and lives and ignore him once more. Only coming by to cause havoc at his casino or ask him for a favor.

He’d always help them of course, but they’ll never be as clingy and loving as they are now. But if they’re happy, Quackity would sacrifice his wishes and give them whatever they want to keep them comfortable and happy. They have priority over anything else.

Kristin said something about how Ranboo can stay the night if he wants, but he has to be back at the tower tomorrow morning. She knew him well enough by now that yes, while he’s tempted to just keep Ranboo with him, he’s also very much determined to get the boys back to their original selves. In short, she trusts him.

Quackity muttered a goodbye, then hung up the phone, his arm dropping to his side as the news settled in.

He snuck back into the room where Ranboo was currently napping, the one he made specially for him when Quackity was deep in his instinctual craze to make his kids their own rooms across from his own. He had it filled with all sorts of shades of purple. The walls were pastel lavender, the bed was a darker purple with a black sheet, dark wooden dressers, and of course a few different game consoles and a tv. If the boys were to ever stay here with him, he’d buy them anything they ever wanted. But for now, the room was almost the bare essentials.

Each of the rooms were specially decorated in their favorite colors, but he knew that the rooms were highly likely to go without use. But for this one moment, Ranboo was sound asleep in the bed specially picked out for him.

Quackity quietly made his way over to Ranboo, gently settling next to the boy and lying down. 

Ranboo immediately reached out and curled into the warmth Quackity provided, his fingers tangling themselves painfully between Quackity’s feathers.

Quackity kissed the top of the boy’s head, hugging him as close as he could without smothering the little guy.

Maybe once Ranboo woke up from his nap, they could go somewhere. Maybe blow up a building for the hell of it. Some petty crime could be fun too. Or perhaps they could just relax, see the sights. 

If Quackity tried hard enough, there’s a slight chance he’ll be able to fly Ranboo into the air.

Horrible idea. Backtrack. 

He’ll pack that thought away for now.

He should just ask Ranboo when the kid wakes up. The kid will have a million ideas that’d give Quackity a run for his money.

With a sigh, Quackity buried his nose in Ranboo’s hair, and before he knew it, he drifted into a sleep of his own.

--------

Quackity woke up to a finger gently tracing the lines of his newest injury, and a soft whisper of, “Quackity?”

Quackity hummed in response, quietly letting the boy know he was listening. Though Ranboo did not get the hint, instead moving to poke at Quackity’s nose and slightly louder, “Quackity! Pst!”

“What?” Quackity finally managed to ask, his voice thick with sleep.

“I have to go potty.” Ranboo whispered.

That woke Quackity up much faster, he slowly sat up, slipping off the bed and helping Ranboo down as well. “The bathroom is down the hall, do you need help orrr…?”

“I can do it!” Ranboo announced proudly, then ran ahead, taking a left to race down the hallway.

“Other way!” Quackity called out, watching as the kid dashed past the door once again, this time headed towards the right. He walked into the hall just as Ranboo slammed the bathroom door behind himself, leaving two other doors swung open from his searching.

Since Ranboo was currently busy, Quackity didn’t quite know what to do other than simply wait. It was only a couple hours until dinnertime by this point, which is plenty of time to find some sort of fun activity for him and Ranboo to do together. Maybe he could ask Schlatt for some ideas? Or maybe Ranboo would have several things he wanted to do.

With a yawn and a stretch, Quackity leaned against the wall and simply waited for Ranboo to exit the bathroom, which only took an extra two minutes.

The second Ranboo stepped out, Quackity asked him with a raise of his eyebrow, “did you wash your hands?”

Ranboo pouted, “I can’t reach!”

“Oh, right.” Quackity chuckled, “I’ll help you out.”

He helped Ranboo up to wash his hands. If the kids were stuck like this, he’d probably have to buy a stool for them. But deep down he knew it’d be unnecessary. 

He dried Ranboo’s hands for him, the boy had quite poor motor skills by this point, his attempts awkward and light.

“So,” Quackity started, leading Ranboo into the hall, “what would you like to do now?”

Ranboo stopped walking to hum loudly to himself in thought, his tail flicking as he did so.

“Do you like coloring?” Quackity asked once he understood that Ranboo couldn’t think of anything.

Ranboo immediately brightened, nodding his head excitedly, “I love coloring!”

Quackity couldn’t help but let out a trill. He ruffled Ranboo’s hair, “alright, let’s go to my office, I should have some crayons there.”

Yes, it’s quite odd that Quackity, a man who dedicates his life to crime and creating gambling spaces, has crayons in his office. But he just so happens to have a certain employee, Slime, who needs to feel like he’s being helpful 24/7.

If Quackity couldn’t find a job for the man to do, then he’d request that Slime make him some very important drawings for decor. His walls were just so plain and boring, a top priority issue that needed to be fixed. 

At least, that’s the excuse he gave to Slime so he’d busy himself for a couple hours.

And yes, Quackity framed and hung up the drawings. If he didn’t, Slime would be upset. He couldn’t allow that.

He led Ranboo to his office and pulled out his sizable collection of crayons and a couple sheets of paper.

Ranboo took them from his hands and immediately ran off to the corner of the room, laying it all out in front of him before carefully considering his options of colors.

Quackity sat down in front of him, watching as Ranboo settled on choosing a black crayon and lying down on the floor to start his drawing, his legs kicking behind him.

Oh what the hell. He might as well join in. 

Quackity grabbed himself a slip of paper and his own black crayon. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ranboo’s smile stretch wider, his tail flicking back and forth happily.

By no means is Quackity an artist. But seeing how happy Ranboo was just from him joining in, he wasn’t about to stop until he created something.

They sat without speaking for a solid thirty minutes, the quiet interrupted by scribbles of crayon and a little tune Ranboo was humming.

At one point, Ranboo turned around so his body shielded his paper, pointing his finger in Quackity’s face, “no peeking! Or I’ll cry.”

“I wouldn’t dream of peeking over your shoulder.” Quackity promised, though he’s never been the most honest man, “I’m sure you’re drawing something wonderful.”

“I am!” Ranboo agreed, “it’s so cool and awesome and- and wonderful!”

They returned to their activity, though Quackity’s curiosity burned as he glanced up every now and again, barely catching sight of a corner of Ranboo’s paper. He gave up trying to catch a sneaky look, and turned back to his own drawing, cringing internally on how bad it looked.

Artists made this shit look so fucking easy. What the fuck.

Though he supposes that’s what years and years of practice would do. Drawing just isn’t for him, he never felt the need to learn that skill in his life, but just for this moment, he wishes he had a bit more skill so he could impress Ranboo.

So far, he’s made a very ugly looking duck. It doesn’t matter though. If Ranboo is happy, Quackity will draw a million more ugly ducks.

Ranboo was the one to bring their coloring session to a close as he suddenly jumped up, hiding his paper behind his back and beaming at Quackity. “I’m done!”

Quackity chuckled, finishing one last scribble of color, “me too.”

“What’d you draw?” Ranboo asked, his head tilting to the side as he looked at Quackity’s ugly creation. “Wait! It’s a duck!”

“Amazing! You’re such a great guesser, Ranboo.” Quackity praised, though he was secretly very happy that his drawing was recognizable. “Can I see yours?”

Ranboo nodded excitedly, then revealed his drawing, bouncing on his heels as he did so. “Ta-da!”

Holy Primes. His poor hybrid heart. 

Ranboo had produced the most adorable fucking drawing Quackity has ever seen in his life.

It was two stick figures, one much shorter than the other with horns, a tail, and red and green eyes, and the taller one had yellow wings and a blue scribble on his head that was probably Quackity’s beanie. The scene they were in was a meadow with colorful blobs of what Quackity would assume are flowers, with a very… interesting rainbow overhead (the colors weren’t in the right order, and there were some extra colors thrown into the mix, like brown, pink, and even gray). The sun in the corner had a smiley face, and both of the characters were smiling and holding hands.

“Ranboo… this is beautiful.” Quackity told the boy, “I think it’s the best art I’ve ever seen in my life.

The boy brightened at the praise, his tail flicking happily behind him, “really?”

“Really.”

Ranboo skipped over, laying the paper on the ground and pointing at certain parts of it, “this is us today! We are happy and holding hands!” His fingers moved to point at two vague shapes that Quackity couldn’t decipher before, “this is Gooper, and this is Enderchest, and this is the sun! It’s the best art ever in the world.”

“It definitely is.” Quackity agreed, “I can’t believe I’m in the presence of such a fantastic artist. This needs to be put in a museum.”

Ranboo furrowed suddenly, “no! It’s for you!”

“Are you sure?” Quackity asked, internally screaming with joy as Ranboo pushed the paper into his hands in confirmation, “thank you so much, Ranboo. I’ll treasure this forever.”

“Can I have your drawing?” 

“Yeah, of course you can.” Quackity slid the paper over, to which Ranboo picked up happily.

“I love it!” Ranboo exclaimed, hugging it to his chest. He crinkled the paper a little, but he didn’t seem to mind as he moved it into one hand to launch himself at Quackity, wrapping around him tightly for a hug.

Quackity didn’t hesitate to hug him back.

“I love you, Quackity.” Ranboo said, not a single fear in the world.

Alright. That confirms it, Quackity is dead. This is just too good to be true.

“I love you too, Ranboo.” Quackity whispered back, and if his voice cracked or his eyes welled with tears, that’d stay between him and Ranboo.

--------

Kristin entered Doc’s lab, putting on a brave face as she led her family towards the goat hybrid, who seemed to be doing some last minute preparations.

“Good morning everyone!” Doc said cheerfully, waving them closer to where he stood. “I’m just making sure that everything is absolutely perfect before giving the potion to the boys. I found that mixing it with a bit of apple juice makes it taste better. More palatable for a child while still giving them all the effects.”

“That’s good,” Techno observed, “if it tasted bad, getting Tommy to drink it would’ve been an absolute nightmare.”

Currently, Tommy was running around the lab with Tubbo, the two giggling as they poked and prodded at various machines.

“Don’t worry, all my inventions have been completely shut down so these three troublemakers don’t explode my lab.” Doc assured the adults, then paused, “wait- where’s the third one?”

“He’s on his way with Quackity.” Kristin explained, then hastily added, “don’t worry, Quackity won’t try anything, he cares too much for the boys to cause any trouble.”

Doc shrugged, “I wasn’t worried, I have various defenses against that man, though it’s good you told me so I can disarm my weapons against him.”

Doc quickly trotted over to a center console with at least twelve monitors on the wall and a wide board of buttons and dials below them. He messed with it a bit, then turned back around. “We should be good now. He’ll be able to come inside without any issue.”

It took maybe ten more minutes of waiting before the door to the lab sounded, causing the group to turn and see Quackity holding a very sleeping looking Ranboo, and another man Kristin didn’t recognize following closely behind him. A ram hybrid by the looks of it, who looked a bit on edge being here.

“Good morning, Quackity!” Doc greeted, a casual friendliness in his voice as though he’s known the villain for quite some time. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Quackity replied, his voice dry in delivery. 

Kristin knew he felt as conflicted as she did to be here, probably tempted in his own way to keep the boys as close as he could.

Quackity gently placed Ranboo down, the boy scrubbing the sleep from his eyes and brightening as he saw Tommy and Tubbo barreling over to him.

They asked him an onslaught of questions, and Quackity left them to it, approaching the group of adults, his friend at his side.

“This is my bodyguard, Schlatt.” Quackity quickly answered everyone’s silent question, “he refused to leave my side in the presence of heroes. He believes this to be a trap.”

“Fair enough.” Doc said with a shrug, surprisingly not concerned about another villain being in his lab. “I assure you it’s not, but you’ll never take my word for it so that’s the best I can do for the moment. Now,” Doc rubbed his hands together, an excited grin starting to show on his face. “Let’s get these boys back to their real ages.”

“Right.” Kristin agreed, “boys? Come here please!”

The trio of kids paused in what they were doing, running over to gather in front of Kristin.

She smiled at them, hiding the heartbroken pang of her heart as she looked over their faces for the last time. There was no need for them to wear their makeup and disguises anymore, after Quackity’s fight with Phil, her husband came home and explained how he knew who the kids really were the entire time. There was no argument or bitterness over it, in fact, they all found amusement in the whole thing.

So thanks to that, Kristin was able to look at her boys' faces, seeing their real, young, features. “I just- Doc bought some apple juice for you, would you like some?”

Her question was greeted with a very enthusiastic agreement.

Doc produced three sippy cups from his counter, each already filled with a reddish tint to the juice inside. “Do you think you can drink all of it?” Doc asked, “it’s very good for you, and if you drink it all, I’ll give you a very special and top secret surprise.” 

“I love surprises!’ Tommy said, bouncing on his heels as he took the offered cup. “I bet I can drink mine the fastest!”

“No, I will!” Tubbo argued, taking his own cup.

Ranboo silently took his own, already starting to drink it as Tommy and Tubbo argued for another minute before they started a race to finish their drink first.

Phil’s hand entangled itself with Kristin’s, sensing her need for support as she watched, her eyes starting to burn. She knew that it was unlikely for the boys to want to stay with her after they turned back into their teenage bodies. She’s allowed to mourn the loss.

At the same time, she’s incredibly happy to find a cure for them. She knew how terrified they were as their brains reverted, and all she could do was assure them that they’d find the cure. She swore it. 

The boys finished their drinks near the same time, each of them scrunching their little noses as the taste settled in.

“I don’t like this apple juice.” Tommy declared, “It's bad.”

“Ah, sorry about that, Tommy.” Doc said, taking back the cups and placing them back on the counter, “I bought a different brand than usual, it’s a bit more sour than most.”

“I-” Tommy blinked hard, starting to wobble on his feet. “I feel bad.”

Ranboo nodded in agreement, clutching his stomach.

Tubbo was the first to topple over, to which Kristin dived over as fast as she could to catch him, just barely saving him from a nasty bruise on his head.

Tommy’s knees gave out next, Phil catching him and easing him down to the floor.

“Tommy…? Tubbo?” Ranboo asked, but he was scooped into Quackity’s arms before his knees had the chance to give out.

Eret appeared from behind Doc, Kristin didn’t notice her before, too wrapped up in this whole situation.

She placed a hand on each of their foreheads, glowing a faint gold as she examined them. Eret looked up to meet Kristin’s eyes. “The potion is settling in perfectly. My guess is that they’ll wake up in one or two days. They will most likely sleep through the transition but I’d like to keep a close eye on them just in case.”

Kristin nodded in reply, unable to say something in fear she’d break down in front of everyone. She pulled Tubbo into her arms, cradling him and brushing his hair from his forehead to place a gentle kiss there. He looked so small, his brow pitched in sleep, making him look angry.

“I’d like to take them to the casino.” Quackity said, not tearing his eyes from Ranboo’s sleeping face. “I have rooms prepared for them there, and they won’t panic unless they wake up in the heroes tower.”

“That’s probably a good idea but…” Kristin trailed off, glancing up at Quackity who understood what she was about to say, sending her a nod in acknowledgment.

“I know. I understand that it’ll be inconvenient for people to trek over there every day, but I can arrange temporary rooms for you as well if you don’t mind some heavy security around you at all times.” Quackity offered, “I just want them to wake up somewhere familiar.”

“Why don’t we take them back to their home?” Techno asked with a hum.

Quackity shook his head, “they’d feel unsafe there, they’ll know that you dropped them off, therefore, the heroes would know where they live.”

“Good point.” Philza spoke up, “it’d be inconvenient but… maybe it’s not such a bad idea.” 

“They’ll most likely run off the second they wake up, but if they wake up at my casino, they won’t be as terrified to get out of there as quickly as possible.”

“It’s a long commute…” Philza sighed, “but it’s better than our other options.”

“Schlatt?” Quackity started to ask, but he stopped at Schlatt's raised hand, the man already holding a phone to his ear.

He walked away from the group, talking quietly into the speaker. “I need you to grab three heart rate monitors- yeah sure, a smart watch’ll be fine, the kids are comin’ home. Yeah, they should be able to fit on one of their beds just fine, they’re tiny right now. Can’t have them waking up by themselves or they’ll panic-” Kristin  couldn’t discern the rest as he walked further away, just out of earshot.

“I guess there’s nothing more for us to do other than transport them.” Philza said, lifting Tommy into his arms as he stood, resting the boy's head on his shoulder. Tommy grunted as he did so, only content when he buried his nose into Philza’s neck. “We can get the car-”

Quackity interrupted him, “no need. I have booster seats and plenty of room in my car for a few extra passengers. Brought the SUV with me today.”

“Alright, let’s get them buckled up.” Kristin said before anyone could try to argue another way to transport the kids to Quackity’s casino. She stood, facing Doc, “thank you so much for your help, Doc. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Doc smiled, leaning against the counter, “anytime, Kristin. I have no needs at the moment, but that may change in the near future. Now, you should be on your way. Get the boys settled and keep me updated on how it goes.”

With a couple more goodbyes, Quackity had ushered them all along. He let Kristin, the boys, and surprisingly Techno in the car, telling Philza to fly and meet them there. If Kristin had to guess, he was probably (understandably) a bit bitter about Phil cutting open an old scar once more.

Philza offered to fly Eret over, and soon enough they were on their way.

The drive was peaceful for the most part, aside from the fact that Schlatt was an… interesting driver. A mix of careful and aggressive had them across town in a shorter time period than the gps had originally guessed.

Once they got to the casino, Quackity led them through several security doors and down way too many halls. But they reached their destination, and Quackity showed them the room the boys would stay in. It was very… purple. Which Kristin assumed was most likely Ranboo’s.

The bed was massive, big enough to fit all three boys horizontally and probably two other people if they crammed in there. After a quiet debate, they decided to dress the boys in clothes that would fit their teenage bodies, unsure if their children’s clothes would magically adjust with them or not. It was difficult, but when they were done, the kids were practically drowning in the extra fabric, but they seemed comfortable enough. Once they laid the boys down in their bed, the three immediately cuddled closer together, resulting in an adorable cuddle pile.

Schlatt slipped three fancy-looking watches on their wrists, adjusting them tight enough so they’d stay in place. He glanced up as though he could feel the oncoming questions, “easy heart-rate monitors. I’ve connected them to Quackity’s phone so he can check them at any time. I couldn’t figure out if they would alert multiple phones so I just left it at his.”

Quackity nodded, “thank you, Schlatt.” He sighed and sat down close to Ranboo, brushing the hair from the boy’s forehead. “All there is to do now, is wait.”

--------

Tommy woke up with a gasp, surrounded by warmth, his body stinging with an unknown pain. 

Where am I? What happened? 

A weight on top of him kept him from sitting up. He craned his head to see that there was a… green… cat? Currently purring up a storm on his chest.

His brain was fuzzy and jumbled, everything was wrong, and all he wanted to do was panic.

Tommy looked to his left and right to find the source of the warmth that surrounded him, seeing that he was planted in between Ranboo and Tubbo, who were still sleeping soundly next to him.

He didn’t want to disturb their rest, but at the same time there was a twisting pressure building up in his chest, one that urged him to move. It’s safer to stand than to be lying prone to whatever may attack them.

Quickly, he got up, cradling the weird cat to his chest so it didn’t tumble off his body. That’d be cruel. He slid out of the comfortable bed, ignoring the fact that the cat was now fully awake as he put it down on the mattress and stepped away, not tearing his eyes away from the strange creature.

It stared back at him with wide eyes, sending him a gentle meow as though it was asking a question.

Tommy felt the strangest urge to talk to it. Of course he didn’t, that’d be absurd! Instead, he wandered around the room, using his sharp nose to try and identify where they could be. It smelled oddly familiar, like… expensive cologne and a bit of chamomile.

Quackity. Tommy identified quickly, starting to relax ever so slightly.

With his nerves not trying to jump out of his skin, he took the time to take in his surroundings.

First things first, he was wearing clothes he did not recognize, a t-shirt that was a size slightly too big, and a baggy pair of cargo shorts that were thankfully perfectly snug around his waist. Tubbo and Ranboo were wearing things similar to him as well, plain but decently fitting and completely unfamiliar.

Tommy decided he didn’t want to think about his new clothes anymore, turning his focus back to the room.

He found that there were some black-out curtains on the wall, and pulling them aside revealed a familiar sight of the glittering city beyond. It looked to be maybe midnight based on the position of the moon. Perfect for escaping once Tubbo and Ranboo woke up.

A growing pressure on his wrist had his attention next, and he found a watch strapped much too tightly to his wrist, cutting off his circulation. He quickly loosened it, but it looked expensive, so he kept it on for the time being. He could probably sell it once they get out of here.

The final big detail he noticed was that there were two other animals in the room with them, a duck, and another cat. Both of them lying down on Tubbo and Ranboo’s chests, just like the green cat was doing to Tommy.

What the fuck. Where did they come from? What’s going on?

Tommy tried to wake up his friends, but they wouldn’t budge, lost in a deep sleep and leaving Tommy on his own to deal with whatever fuckery was going on.

With nothing better to do, Tommy barricaded the door as quietly as he could, shuffling furniture over one inch at a time. 

As he was finishing pushing a dresser against the door, he heard a groan.

He ran over to the bed, seeing Tubbo’s face scrunched up as his body awoke him from his sleep.

“Tubbo!” Tommy whispered excitedly, leaning over his friend and ignoring the duck that hissed at him when he got too close. 

Tubbo groaned softly, peaking one eye open to glare at Tommy, “five more minutes…” he trailed off, his eyes slipping shut once more as he tried to drift back to sleep.

“No can do, Big T. We have to get out of here.” Tommy told him, shaking his shoulder, “I don’t know how or why, but we’re at Quackity’s casino! Which isn’t bad, quite luxurious here, but I want to go home. I’m freaking out.”

Tubbo finally yawned and started to sit up, the duck on his chest waddling down to sit in his lap instead. Tubbo stared down at the creature, his brow scrunched in confusion. “Why is there a duck on me?”

“I dunno man!” Tommy said, “I had a weird-ass green cat sitting on my chest when I woke up.” 

He gestured at the creature, Tubbo following until he saw the green cat for himself, scrubbing at his eyes as though to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. “What the fuck.”

The duck quacked softly at him, nibbling at Tubbo’s hand as though asking for something.

Tubbo flinched away from the creature, sliding it off of his lap and standing beside Tommy instead, keeping his gaze locked on the duck.

The duck almost seemed… heartbroken. Somehow. It let out another, softer, quack, waddling towards the edge of the bed, its beady eyes locked on Tubbo.

“Why is it following me?” Tubbo whispered to Tommy.

Tommy shrugged in response, wandering over to Ranboo to try to wake him up as well. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tubbo cautiously approach the duck, slowly moving his hand towards it. The duck leaned into the touch, quacking softly in a way that conveyed contentment.

Tubbo smiled ever so slightly, becoming more comfortable with the bird as it didn’t bite him or run away.

Tommy turned back to Ranboo, poking his friend’s cheek. “Ranboo. Wake up, we have to go.”

For a long minute, Ranboo didn’t react in the slightest to Tommy’s incessant poking. But eventually, he reached up to stop Tommy’s hand. “I’m trying to sleep, go away.”

“No, wake up boob boy.” Tommy insisted, continuing to poke and prod at Ranboo’s face, dodging the hand that raised to stop him.

“Fine, I’m awake.” Ranboo said with a groan, scrubbing at his eyes. Instead of pushing away the cat (or duck, in Tubbo’s case) on his chest like Tommy and Tubbo did, he cradled it closer, sitting up tiredly and petting its soft fur. “Primes, Tommy. Why can’t we ever sleep in?”

“Because last I recall, we did not decide to have a sleepover at Quackity’s.” Tommy hissed, “so get up. I’m getting nervous being here.”

“I thought we liked Quackity.” Ranboo mumbled as he awkwardly slipped out of bed, his arms still full of cat. “He’s like- our weird dad not-dad.”

“He is not our dad, no matter how hard he tries to be.” Tommy bit out, his anxiety flaring.

It’s not like he doesn’t like Quackity, he’s just a little freaked out waking up in the man’s residence with no warning. He probably kidnapped them in a weird, bird-brained state!

Tommy can see it now, Quackity hiding in the shadows of their apartment, sneaking towards their bedroom and snatching them out of bed.

He probably drowned them in sleeping gas so they didn’t wake up either!

Okay, there’s quite a few holes in that idea, Tommy will admit. But still! It explained a few things! Not as many as he’d like, but one or two at least!

Tommy huffed, “put down the cat, Ranboo. We’re leaving.”

Ranboo shook his head sleepily, “Enderchest goes where I go.”

“The fuck kinda name is that?” Tommy asked, “either way, these animals aren’t ours. Quackity probably put them in here to spy on us.”

Tubbo turned to him and placed a concerned hand on his shoulder. “Tommy, do you really believe what you're saying? This is Quackity we’re talking about.”

“I don’t care what I’m saying right now Tubbo!” Tommy snapped, “I’m scared, and I want to go home!”

“Tommy, please calm down.” Ranboo urged gently, “we’ll go home but you have to be level headed first.”

Ranboo didn’t get the time to explain his reasoning, as he was quickly interrupted by a sudden beeping on Tommy’s watch.

Tommy glared at the thing, his heart catching in his throat as the screen read, “elevated heart-rate. Informing contacts.”

He clawed the thing in half, quickly doing the same for Tubbo and Ranboo. “Damn thing sold us out, would’ve sold for a pretty penny too.”

“Let’s go then.” Tubbo agreed, picking up the duck and cradling it gently in his arms.

“You’re not serious about taking the duck with us.” Tommy scolded, glaring at the thing.

“I am.” Tubbo said, his tone firm in the way that Tommy knew he wouldn’t change his mind on the matter. “Ranboo is taking Enderchest, and you’re going to grab the green one.”

“No way!” Tommy disagreed, “we don’t have time for this.”

He marched to the window, flinging the thing open and kicking out the screen before Tubbo could argue with him.

Fuck it, if his friends were so set on bringing weird-ass pets, they would just need to be left behind. Every survival instinct in Tommy was flaring and demanding he needed to go home. It would be safe there.

He ignored the fact that Ranboo hopped down with both cats in his arms after him, surprisingly grateful.

“His name is Gooper, Tommy.” Ranboo said, a slight bitterness to his voice, “and he normally favors you over us.”

Ranboo didn’t hand the cat over though like Tommy thought he would after a statement like that. Instead, he held it closer, giving it a little kiss to its gross, slimy, head.

Tubbo hopped down next, right on time too. Tommy could hear someone slam against the door, desperately calling for them to not run off and insisting that they were safe here.

Thank the Primes Tommy took the time to barricade the door.

He took off into a run, leaving Tubbo and Ranboo to decide on their own if they would come with him or not. Their footsteps were right beside him though, and he felt much better knowing they wouldn’t leave him on his own.

They did stop to steal Quackity’s car though. Running from the outskirts of the city into the heart would take too much time and energy.

Tubbo took the wheel, saying something about knowing how the car worked and being more qualified than Tommy or Ranboo.

Tommy wasn’t complaining. As long as they left the casino in the dust, he was fine with anything.

They sped home, each minute dragging on and on, and Tommy’s racing heart didn’t slow for a second. He knew he wouldn’t be able to calm down until he was in his den with his brothers at his sides.

If any cop saw their car speeding by, they didn’t bother pulling them over. They probably recognized it as Quackity’s, and knew better than to fuck with him.

Tubbo parked on the side of the road a couple blocks from their apartment, though his parking was shit. Leaving half of the car in the middle of the sidewalk.

It didn’t take much longer for them to finally clamber up the emergency ladder and slip into their apartment.

The moment they walked inside, Tommy’s heart immediately started to slow, his frantic mind calming as he returned to the safety of his den.

The critters Tubbo and Ranboo carried were placed down, and the three immediately ran off to make themselves at home, already seemingly familiar with the area.

Tommy took the time to lock and block every single door and window in their apartment, never bothering to turn on a light as his vision was just fine in the darkness. In fact, he insisted that the lights stay off until they could confirm that no one was after them.

It’d take a couple days, but Tommy didn’t care.

Only once he had their couch pressed against their front door did he finally relax.

“Tommy?” Tubbo asked, his hand gently squeezing at his shoulder, “you feeling better?”

Tommy nodded, though he constantly kept his eyes on the doors and windows, watching for any sort of movement.

“C’mon, let’s see if we have any food. It’s weirdly dusty in here, I don’t think we’ve been home for quite some time.”

Tommy nodded again, following behind Tubbo as he gently took his hand and pulled him towards the kitchen. Ranboo was already climbing on the counter to search through the cupboards, though he definitely didn’t need the extra height. He hummed quietly to himself as he did so, his tail flicking to the beat of his tune.

Ranboo suddenly stopped as he opened the cupboard, “holy Primes…”

“What is it, Boo?” Tubbo asked, keeping his hand interlaced with Tommy’s.

Ranboo looked over at them, an uncertain smile on his face, “we have like- a ton of food in here. More than we’ve ever bought.”

Tubbo pulled Tommy over so they could take a better look, and Tommy was almost ripped out of his hyperaware state when he saw several boxes of cereal, instant oatmeal, crackers, chips, boxed cookies, and a new box of hot chocolate packets.

For a long second they remained in their quiet stupor, before they all muttered at the same time, “Quackity.”

“Who wants to bet that the fridge and freezer are filled to the brim too?” Tubbo asked, not waiting for an answer as he opened the appliance.

Sure enough, there was a ludicrous amount of food in there. Most of it dated to last quite a while.

They searched further through their kitchen, Ranboo finding a cupboard filled with cans upon cans of food. Beans, tomatoes, corn, hominy, olives, pineapple, and even more. Another smaller cupboard was filled to the brim with jars of spices and herbs, as if Quackity was expecting them to learn to cook. Or maybe he planned on surprising them with visits so he could cook for them.

Either way, they wouldn’t have to go grocery shopping for quite a while.

Which is good, because with the way Tommy is feeling, he’s not about to let any of them leave the apartment for a solid week.

They found the reason for such a wide variety of food when Ranboo checked a normally empty drawer, just to find that a cookbook had been slipped inside.

Not to mention they had every pot or pan or utensil they could ever need for every recipe listed.

With nothing better to do, Ranboo made something other than spaghetti for the first time in his life. Chili, a simple recipe, but delicious nonetheless.

While they ate, they attempted to piece together what happened to them.

The gap in their memories didn’t help them to decipher anything. They remembered drinking the potion Tubbo made, but after that, their brains were blank.

“Let’s hope that our memories will catch up in a day or two.” Tubbo reasoned, though Tommy could tell that he wasn’t all that hopeful. “If that doesn’t work, we’ll force Quackity to tell us.”

“That’s fine by me.” Ranboo agreed as he busied himself by washing up their dirty dishes. “Until then, I don’t know about you guys, but I desperately need another nap.”

“We literally just woke up.” Tommy said, tracing his fingers on the tabletop and trying not to show how anxious he was.

“I agree with Ranboo, actually.” Tubbo yawned, “My body is sore and I feel like I haven’t slept in years. C’mon, I can see the bags under your eyes, Tommy. You’re just as exhausted as we are.” Tubbo gently took Tommy’s hand, effectively stopping his anxious fidgeting. “I promise that we’re safe here. I can set up my motion sensors if that’ll make you feel safer to lie down."

Wordlessly, Tommy nodded.

Ranboo’s hand replaced Tubbo’s as their brother went to work searching and setting up his devices. 

In the meantime, Ranboo led Tommy to their bedroom, taking a minute to toss a pair of pajama pants his way before dressing in his own.

Once that was done, Ranboo settled in bed, his arms an open invitation for Tommy to snuggle in next to him.

Tommy didn’t try to argue or insist that he didn’t want to cuddle like he normally would. Instead, he quietly crawled into their nest, burying his face in Ranboo’s chest to listen to his heartbeat. The sound soothed him more than he cared to admit.

Tubbo joined them shortly after, putting on his own pair of sweatpants before scooching in next to Tommy, throwing his arms around him and practically melting against his back.

In no time at all, Tubbo was snoring gently, his breath hot against Tommy’s spine.

Ranboo fell asleep next, his heartbeat slowing to a resting state, his breathing slow and calm.

Tommy tried to stay awake as long as he could, but eventually, his brain decided enough was enough, and he drifted off to sleep.

--------

The next couple of weeks were… odd. To say the least.

The trio’s memories returned to them slowly, each recollection causing an odd sense of embarrassment, especially the more childish moments.

Though it was cool that they had brought Kristin, the wife of a hero, into their team. It was even better to remember that they set a whole pool aflame.

Ah, sweet vengeance.

Eventually, once they recovered almost every memory they could, they approached Quackity and had a long conversation with him.

Ranboo was obviously much closer to the man, their bonding when Ranboo was in child mode was stronger than they thought it’d be.

While they were processing what happened, in the middle of the night, Ranboo quietly confessed he quite liked the idea of Quackity being a father figure in his life. He didn’t push for Tommy and Tubbo to feel the same, but the fact was out there now. All three of them loved Quackity dearly, he’d done so much for them after all. 

Of course, all three of them adored Kristin, they didn’t find a single reason to try and avoid her or ignore that she was a part of their villain team now.

That is… if they continued their villain life.

Seeing all the support surrounding them, it was obvious that they didn’t need to resort to stealing to stay alive.

Sure, they’ve had this support extended to them for ages now, but they were too stubborn to accept it.

Now… something really changed. Being kids for a while made it easier to allow help because they needed it.

Kristin was the next person they arranged to meet with.

They discussed how they still cared for her and wanted to see her often. She even told them that she’d still love to go out as a villain a couple more times if they wanted to. Tommy was the one to tell her that she was like a mother to him, and that he still loved her and wanted to see her more often.

After Kristin, they had to meet with Philza and Techno.

It was… awkward.

They found themselves at a park, anxious and on the verge of running away if anyone looked at them wrong. But Kristin sat by their sides the entire time, sending them reassuring smiles in between the breaks in conversation.

While Ranboo saw Quackity as a father figure, Tommy and Tubbo leaned more towards Philza. Though they still fell into the habit of calling Quackity dad eventually, once Ranboo said it enough.

After many discussions and sleepless nights, the boys decided that they’d like to be closer to the adults they considered family. They’d live with both Quackity and Philza, moving between houses every month so they could stay together.

Quackity didn’t let them sell their apartment, insisting that if they ever needed space to themselves, they could always go there.

Phil, Techno, and Kristin moved out of the heroes tower, and instead bought a home only a couple miles away from Quackity’s casino. Meaning it’d be easy for all of them to meet up if they needed or wanted to.

Philza and Techno still remained heroes as they were under a quite lengthy contract, but that just meant that the boys could sneak out and cause whatever mischief they’d like, and a fun game of tag would ensue (they’d bring Kristin along with them sometimes, when she was up to it).

Sometimes, Philza would ground them from their villain activities, but it was never serious, and the boys would simply go out and commit even more crimes, just for fun. Though he was serious about it once when the trio set fire to a building that some trespassing teens were inside. To be fair, they weren’t supposed to be in there, it was abandoned private property after all.

They felt bad enough about it to follow Philza’s demand that they didn’t commit any crimes for a whole month because of it.

It was… really nice, to be a part of a family outside of themselves.

They had support when they needed it, sleepless nights were comforted by loving hands and soft words, there wasn’t a constant fear of being caught and shoved in a prison because they knew that Quackity would protect them, and Philza would never allow them to get arrested in the first place.

Tommy never thought he’d find a home outside of Tubbo and Ranboo.

But now, the people that loved him surrounded him on all sides, and he’s never felt better.

They were so happy and safe that they actually tried to put their lives back together.

Finishing highschool that they dropped when they decided it wasn’t worth it, and working towards college.

Tommy didn’t have a set career in mind, none of them did, so they went to a community college and took a ton of different classes, just to see what interested them the most.

Quackity didn’t hide his affection for them like he used to. He openly told them he loved them and was so proud of them for everything.

The art Ranboo drew as a child for Quackity was hung up in an expensive looking frame in his office, perfectly centered between all of Slimecicle’s framed drawings.

They teased Quackity about the fact that he already had rooms set up for them, but it was touching and they found themselves on the verge of tears when they were in private together. With his help, they personalized their rooms with knick-knacks and posters and whatever else interested them.

They had clothes in both of their homes, so there was no need to pack when they moved between houses, and they never had to worry about not having enough cash for food. They had warm dinners every night at Kristin’s place, Quackity and sometimes Schlatt would join them for each one.

For the first time, they were surrounded by safety and warmth and love. They found themselves trusting more towards the adults in their lives. 

They even started to befriend Doc at some point (the favor Kristin owed him was paid in full when she talked Quackity into meeting with Doc for a potential partnership for Quackity’s odd assortment of weapons, tools, and materials).

Their lives became more than a need to do anything to survive. They could focus on their newfound family, strengthening their bonds and getting closer by the day.

It was warmth, trust, and love surrounding them on all sides.

They wouldn’t have it any other way. Not anymore.

--------

“Hey mom?” Tommy asked softly, peaking around the corner of the living room where Kristin was currently reading alone on her favorite recliner. It was the middle of the night, so she shouldn’t be awake, but here she was.

She looked up as soon as she heard him, opening her arms for him to come forward for a hug.

Tommy buried himself in her arms, much too tall to be doing so comfortably anymore, but he still tried. It was like she always knew exactly what he needed, and right now, he needed a hug.

She brushed her hand through his hair, “another nightmare?”

Tommy shook his head, but he didn’t pull away just yet. “Couldn’t sleep.” He admitted quietly, “I also just…”

She waited patiently for him to collect his thoughts, her fingers still carding through his hair, unraveling a couple knots that made themselves at home in his curls.

Tommy sighed, if he didn’t do this now, then he wouldn’t have the courage to do it again. “Thank you, Kristin. For everything you’ve done for us.” He said quietly, hugging her tighter.

He could feel as her hands paused, so he continued before she could say anything, “without you, life would be so different in a bad way. We’d still be alone. Bitter and pissed at the fucking world for how it treated us. We’d probably get ourselves arrested at some point too. So I just wanted to thank you. You really saved us, mom. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to repay you for that.”

“Oh, my sweet Tommy,” Kristin whispered, squeezing him tight before she moved to release him, lifting his face in her hands to press a kiss to his forehead.

The action caused his eyes to water, but he didn’t try to hide it like he once used to. He was safe to cry in front of Kristin. 

“If we’re going around thanking one another then I should be thanking you.” Kristin said, her thumb brushing Tommy’s cheek as he leaned into the touch. “You and Ranboo and Tubbo have changed our lives, and the lives of everyone around you in the best of ways. Because of you and your troublemaking ways,” she ruffled his hair, causing him to chuckle, “I’ve gotten to try my hand at villainy, had the opportunity to know the sweetest boys in the entire world, and now both Philza and Techno have the desire to reach their end of their contracts without renewals. They never would’ve done that unless they met you three.”

“They would’ve gotten bored of fighting me after losing every time.” Tommy said with a grin.

Kristin laughed, “never. RaccoonInnit and his villainous deeds were the highlights of their days. I mean, not many villains decide to set fire to pools for fun.”

Tommy buried his head back into Kristin’s shoulder, and she pulled him into her lap, his legs dangling off the side of the chair as she cradled him. It should be awkward with his lanky body, but he didn’t care too much. Kristin continued, “I am so happy I got to meet you boys. You mean so much to us, and so much to me. I can’t imagine life without you and your chaos in it.”

“I can’t imagine life without you either.” Tommy whispered, his eyes watering once more and soaking into Kristin’s shirt. She wouldn’t mind, he knew that. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Tommy.”