Chapter Text
The festival was starting to wind down, for the most part, but there was still some revelry in the far corners of the town square. A band of dawn light was visible on the horizon, and the flags mounted on the walls were starting to flap in the wind. Gabrielle took a large gulp from her wine skin. It was going down far too well - perhaps she could find another somewhere.
Their slow drift across the country in the aftermath of Eli’s death had yielded no real surprises. Finding a quiet coast, they’d stayed a while to rest, and Gabrielle had spent long hours alone on the beach, finding gaps in the rocks where she could sit concealed from view. She felt her heart was in little pieces, scattered like the shingle the waves sucked clean as they returned to the sea.
What had been surprising was when Xena had suggested passing through Melodia, famed for its annual festival in honour of Terpsichore the Muse; it hardly seemed like something her partner would intentionally seek out. Xena normally had little patience for drunken crowds and displays of questionable musicality - but for some reason she had insisted. Perhaps it was intended to be a distraction for Gabrielle; more likely, Xena had somehow gleaned that her mother was planning to attend and had decided to intercept her, making it look like a coincidence. A convenient way to let her know she was pregnant without requiring a visit to her hometown.
She sensed Xena approaching slowly from the side, gazing out over the inebriated nonsense in the square with an indulgent smile. Gabrielle swallowed a generous mouthful of wine, kicking the heels of her boots against the wall she was perched on, not looking up as Xena pulled herself up beside her with a grunt of effort. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see her. Xena had been largely absent, yet again, for the majority of the festival, even when Draco had been menacing Gabrielle with his protestations of love. The warlord’s presence had been the most unfortunate of the many coincidences of the past few days; but it didn’t seem to have phased Xena one bit, to see another chasing after her lover. Which felt great. Gabrielle sighed as her petulant inner voice spat silent sarcasm into the night.
Xena gave her a little nudge.
“What’s up?”
Gabrielle bit her lip. “Where have you been?” It came out more snippy than she intended. Oh well. She drained a bit more wine.
“When?” Xena looked baffled.
“Since we got here!” Gabrielle squinted at her. “I had to fight off that creep Draco at every turn, and you didn’t even seem to notice.” She wished her speech wasn’t quite so slurred.
Xena spread her hands innocently. “I know you can look after yourself, and besides, sometimes you hate it when I get protective.”
Gabrielle sniffed, and grumbled under her breath. “Doesn’t mean I want you to go completely the other way.”
“Anyway, I had my own unwanted suitors to deal with, thanks to my mother,” Xena continued as if she hadn’t heard her.
Gabrielle blinked, baffled. “Your mother?” She hadn’t seen much of Cyrene.
“She was pushing me to tell her who the father was, and then she got it into her head that I needed a replacement. Kept introducing me to local bachelors that she found. Should’ve kept them for herself.” Xena was grinning as though it was a huge joke. Gabrielle’s heart plummeted.
“She - what? Why?”
“Temporary insanity?” Xena laughed. “I’ve no idea.”
Gabrielle opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. “But - she raised you and your brothers on her own. Why would she assume -” she stopped mid-sentence, her thoughts beginning to spiral.
Xena was shaking her head. “Exactly. It’s bullshit.”
“Did she forget I exist too?” Gabrielle muttered very quietly, mostly to herself. Mostly.
“What was that?”
Both relieved and annoyed that Xena hadn’t heard, Gabrielle looked pointedly at her.
“Well, what was I supposed to do once you’d moved in with your husband and baby? Pretend I was the housekeeper?”
Xena returned her stare, equal parts sympathetic and defensive. “C’mon now, I don’t think she was really serious. And she apologised. She knows I’m not interested in finding a husband.”
“No. Because you already have a -” she stopped herself. Whatever I am, she finished silently. Cyrene had always seemed to accept her as Xena’s constant companion - how could it be that she was affronted at the idea of her daughter as an unmarried mother? Xena was right, it was utter bullshit. But how many other people are thinking that too? And are people ever going to stop asking who the fucking father of her baby is? Gabrielle took another violent swig of wine, dashing away a drop that escaped down her chin.
Xena was looking at her. “How much of that have you had?”
Gabrielle let out an irritated laugh. She turned her glare on Xena.
“Are you my mother now?”
Oops. She watched the hurt play across Xena’s eyes, her lips set in a thin line as she pulled up her defences against it.
“We should get some sleep,” Xena said stiffly. “I promised Mom we’d take her back to Amphipolis tomorrow.”
With that, she pushed herself off the wall and turned her back - but Gabrielle was already filled with remorse.
“Hey,” she slurred, reaching out clumsily to grab Xena’s shoulder with her free hand. The world suddenly seemed to jolt, and her feet scrabbled against the stone as she started to fall. Xena spun and caught her under her arms, easing her down off her perch. She prised the wine skin from her hand and set it on the wall, wiping the spilled liquid off her sleeves with a sigh.
Gabrielle felt a warm flush creeping up her cheeks. She gripped at Xena’s clothing to steady herself on her feet, then with a contrite smile, ran her hands up the front of her leather tunic and tugged at the straps, pulling her down to the right height.
“‘m sorry,” she murmured, because she really was - but Xena’s sudden closeness was distracting. She pressed her lips hard against Xena’s, and with a muffled moan she tried to push her body in closer. But firm hands on her shoulders moved her away. She blinked in surprise as she lost contact with Xena’s lips.
“This isn’t very private,” Xena said in a soft warning tone.
“So?” Gabrielle was bullish. Let them see us. Let your mother see us, so she knows just how wrong she is. She tried to launch herself forward again, but Xena was quick to stop her this time.
“So, I think we should head back to the inn and get some rest. You need to sleep off some of that wine.” Xena turned abruptly, taking Gabrielle’s hand to lead her away - but Gabrielle planted her feet, stopping her in her tracks.
“Gabrielle -” Xena growled in frustration, but Gabrielle’s resolve only hardened.
“Why won’t you kiss me?” She tried to pull her hand away, glaring. Xena gripped tighter, her eyes blazing with suppressed anger now.
“Because now is not the time to-”
“It’s never the time!” Gabrielle yanked hard, stumbling slightly as Xena let go of her hand. Her voice cracked as she yelled.
It was Xena’s turn to blink, confusion clear on her face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe I don’ wanna come back to the inn with you,” Gabrielle shouted. She pointed wildly at the square below, now mostly empty except for a couple of groups singing bawdy songs. “Maybe I wanna go an’ find someone who actually wants to spend time with me.”
“What are you talking about?”
Gabrielle blinked furiously to stave off the hot tears that had begun to form. Xena was staring at her as if she’d gone crazy; her heart was thumping erratically in her chest, and her stomach gave a tell-tale lurch. She was regretting that last chug of wine.
“You never want me anymore,” she said in a small voice, looking away. She hugged her arms across her chest and shivered, suddenly cold.
Xena gave another sigh, removing her coat. She threw it quickly around Gabrielle’s shoulders, tucking it tightly around her front, and lifted her chin.
“Whatever’s brought this on, it’s nonsense. Of course I still want you. But right now, what you need is some water and a good sleep.”
Her tone was gentle now, but there was no give in her eyes. Gabrielle felt herself sway again; Xena wrapped an arm firmly around her shoulders to keep her steady.
“C’mon now. Bedtime for drunk bards.”
And then she was being led away, along the wall and slowly, carefully down the steps to the square. The inn was on the far side, and Xena kept to the edge, avoiding the mess of singing, stumbling revellers. Gabrielle said nothing until they reached the door; her heart felt heavy as lead, her stomach churning.
“Xena?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not that drunk.”
“Uh-huh.”
The hefty wooden door creaked inwards, echoing in the empty corridor.
“I just…I feel…sometimes it feels like…” but Gabrielle couldn’t finish her mumbled sentence, and then Xena was unlocking their room and steering her inside to sit on the rumpled bed in the corner.
“Here. Drink this.” A water skin was pressed into her hands, and Gabrielle dutifully drank, but some of it splashed onto Xena’s coat. Tears threatened again, but she choked them down. She was embarrassed now, the little scene up on the wall playing on a loop in her head - she jerked to shake the memory away, and then tried to smile at Xena as she peeled the coat away from her and started to help her undress. She cooperated as best she could, though Xena still seemed irritated, tutting at her as she tried to remove her own top and got stuck halfway.
“I like Jace,” Gabrielle said conversationally, as Xena tugged the offending top off her head and tossed it to the side. She wasn’t sure why Joxer’s delightful brother had popped into her head, but it cheered her a bit to think of him still dancing away joyfully as the sun came up.
Xena’s mouth curled into a little smile at this. She crouched down to start unlacing Gabrielle’s boots.
“Yeah, me too. He’s a good guy.”
“Joxer could be more like his brother.”
“Joxer is a good guy too. He just tries too hard. Jace knows himself better.”
“He’s not afraid of what people think,” Gabrielle declared. “Ev’ryone should be like him.”
“I agree,” Xena said quietly. She set the boots on the floor, then rested her hands on Gabrielle’s knees, looking up at her. Her eyes were hard to read. Was she still angry? Maybe she just wanted her to be quiet and go to sleep.
“All right, all right,” Gabrielle said in response to nothing, crawling onto her side as Xena threw a blanket over her. The bed dipped and creaked when Xena climbed onto it; Gabrielle closed her eyes, but the room seemed to tip violently. She grabbed at Xena’s hand.
“I think…I think I got a bit drunk,” she murmured, her voice thick now.
Xena squeezed her fingers. “You don’t say.”
The room gradually seemed to slow its chaotic spinning, anchored as Gabrielle was by the warm hand holding hers. She started to feel herself sink into oblivion.
“Does your mother not want me around anymore?” Gabrielle was barely aware if she’d spoken aloud, or if any of it was coherent. There was an aching silence.
“Of course she does,” came the soft reply. “Go to sleep now, Gabrielle. We can talk in the morning.”
“Gabrielle, wake up. C’mon, please.”
Xena’s patience was running thin. She’d been up for a couple of hours, creeping out of the room and leaving a snoring pile of blankets, hoping that by the time she returned, Gabrielle would at least be stirring. She’d roused her mother, fended off umpteen questions about which route they would take and if they’d have time to stop at the market. Now, the innkeeper and stable hand had both been paid, and she’d returned to pack their remaining belongings. But first, she needed her wine-soaked partner to wake up, figure out how her legs worked, and get to the stables. If Xena had to strap her to Amber to get her on the road, so be it.
But she was still out cold. Gentle touches and words had failed, and now Xena was shaking her shoulder, grimly looking around the room for some water to throw on her. With a frustrated noise, she clapped her hands loudly, the sharp crack echoing off the walls.
That did the trick. Gabrielle jolted awake, then with a groan, kicked the tangle of blankets away from her. She started to roll over, away from Xena, an arm flung across her eyes to shield them from the light.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Xena grasped her shoulder and pulled her onto her back, prising her arm away. “Time to get up.”
“Wha -?” Gabrielle’s voice was hoarse, and she could barely blink her eyes open.
“I want to get on the road. It’s a two-day journey, but if we set off now we’ll arrive at a decent time tomorrow.”
Gabrielle pushed herself up onto an elbow, moving agonisingly slowly. Xena clenched a fist at her side, trying to hold back her impatience.
“Two-day journey to where?”
The words were slurred, but Xena got the gist. She sighed. “To Amphipolis. We’re taking Mom home, remember? I told you last night.”
Gabrielle seemed to pale at the mention of ‘last night’. She coughed, pushing herself up further until she was sitting, bent forward, massaging her temples. Xena would feel sorry for her if it wasn’t entirely self-inflicted, and very inconvenient.
Gabrielle looked up, a frown on her pinched face. “Am I coming to Amphipolis?”
Xena was baffled. “What?”
“I - I don’t think you actually asked me.”
Seriously, do we have to do this now? Xena huffed out her breath. “Do you want to come to Amphipolis?” she asked in a voice laced with impatience.
Gabrielle gazed at her, head on one side. “I don’t know.”
Xena sucked in a deep breath, turning away for a moment. She was close to exploding, but it would be a horrible journey if Gabrielle was sulking as well as hungover.
“You don’t want to come to Mom’s house. Is that it? Because of how she was behaving?”
Gabrielle winced at the sharpness in Xena’s tone. “It’s part of it,” she mumbled.
Xena raised her eyes skyward for a moment. “Look. She didn’t mean to be hurtful - it was a misguided attempt to help, or something. She apologised. Can we just drop it?”
Gabrielle just looked at her, and then away. She was obviously struggling, but Xena’s anger was beginning to spike.
“Where else are you going to go?” she ground out.
“I - don’t know.” Gabrielle frowned down at her lap, as though puzzled by her own responses.
“Then how will I find you?”
“I’ll come find you. In Amphipolis, in a few days.”
“But you just said you didn’t want to.”
“Not right now!”
“Well -” Xena threw up her hand, slowly losing the will to stay civil. “I’m not planning on staying there, I just wanna get Mom home safe! What if I’ve moved on?”
Gabrielle spread her hands. “Leave me a note, then,” she suggested faintly.
“Why won’t you just tell me where you’re going?”
“Because I don’t know - I just want some space, Xena!” Gabrielle’s voice cracked.
Xena stood stock still, but inside she was reeling back, grasping at something to steady herself. Okay. I thought last night was a bit of drunken paranoia, but - what is this?
“Space?” she echoed. “From me?”
“Just…” Gabrielle rubbed her face. She’d curled herself up, knees pulled into her chest. “From everything.” She kept her eyes closed.
Xena swallowed, annoyed at the tears that were smarting in her eyes. “Well.” She sucked her teeth. “Okay.” She nodded curtly, starting to gather up her belongings. “Take your time.”
Gabrielle was watching her now, but she didn’t offer any further explanation. Xena finished stuffing a single saddlebag with a random collection of things, probably half hers and half Gabrielle’s. She left the other bag where it was.
“I’ve only paid the innkeeper up to this morning, so you’ll have to give him some extra if you want to stay here.” She shrugged on her coat, then turned at the door. Gabrielle hadn’t moved, still hugging her knees, gazing at her through bleary, inscrutable eyes. Xena tried to think of a suitable parting comment. See you? See you when? When you’re ready? When you get out of this funk and decide to tell me what in Tartarus is going on?
She settled on a short “bye,” unable to find any other words that didn’t make her want to cry or rage. She wrenched the door open and stepped into the corridor, glancing back once as the door creaked shut. She saw Gabrielle fall back onto her pillow, a hand over her eyes.
Gabrielle woke again a lot later, the sun streaming in through the window. She was groggy and sore, a headache pinching her temples, and her stomach was decidedly unsettled. Evidence of Xena’s rapid departure showed in the half-packed saddlebag she’d left for Gabrielle, and the pile of dinars tossed on a table by the door. Their stilted, grumpy conversation almost felt like a bad dream.
She scrunched up her face as she stepped out of the door of the inn into the harsh sunlight. The town square was already bustling; stallholders hollering to one another, a juggling performance gathering spectators, several revellers still passed out against the city wall, empty wine skins loose in their hands. The air was thick with the smell of cooking meat, baking bread, and a definite whiff of last night’s alcohol; this in particular challenged Gabrielle’s delicate stomach, and with a grimace, she retreated into the shade of a shop awning and leaned against the wall, rubbing her hot neck. Why did I have to drink a barrel of wine last night? This is going to make everything harder.
After a few deep breaths, her stomach settled again, and she blinked as she looked around, trying to gather her scattered thoughts. Her refusal to accompany Xena and Cyrene had surprised her almost as much as it had Xena; she’d hardly had time to formulate the thought before it was out of her mouth. She knew her partner was hurt by it, but acting stoic, retreating behind her walls. Trouble was, Gabrielle had no idea what it was she actually wanted to do. When she’d imagined travelling with Cyrene, whose true feelings towards her she was now thoroughly questioning, it had seemed impossible. But the noise and drifting crowds of jovial people held almost as little appeal. She wanted to be somewhere quiet, peaceful, perhaps surrounded by nature, where she could collect her thoughts and make a decision.
She pushed herself to her feet and slowly picked her way across the square, trying to take interest in the stalls as the sellers called out their wares.
She had just finished buying a bag of apples, enough for her own breakfast and Amber’s, when she heard her name being called. She turned at the unfamiliar voice, scanning the crowd; her heart sank as she saw who it belonged to. Amoria, the Amazon who had been pursuing Joxer throughout the festival, caught up to her, offering a bright smile.
“Hi. Sorry to yell at you just then, but - you’re Queen Gabrielle, aren’t you? Of the Greek Amazons?”
Gabrielle stood a little taller. “That’s right.” She didn’t inject any warmth into her voice.
Amoria smiled bashfully. “I don’t think we got off on the right foot. I never would have presumed to go after the same mate if I’d known who you were.”
“Mate?” Gabrielle asked, perplexed.
“Yes. Joxer.” Amoria raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was perhaps a rival for his attention. It wasn’t -”
“Oh - no,” Gabrielle raised a hand to cut her off. “No, we - Joxer is a friend. We weren’t - I wasn’t ‘after’ him, at all.”
Amoria seemed to relax, but she was clearly surprised. “Well. I’m glad we’re not rivals. It’s just, I got the impression you weren’t too happy with me being around him.”
“Joxer is family,” Gabrielle said pointedly. “I didn’t want him to get hurt.”
Amoria pursed her lips, a little of her humility falling away. “Understood.”
Gabrielle gazed at her, curiosity winning over her sour mood. “Where are you from? I don’t recognise you.”
“Northern Mesopotamia,” Amoria answered with a proud grin. Gabrielle whistled.
“You’re far from home.”
“I’d heard this festival is always fun, and - well, it never hurts to stretch your horizons. Especially during mating season.” Her grin flashed impishly.
Hence the interest in Joxer, and then Draco. She and her sisters are here to find willing men.
“Well.” Gabrielle cleared her throat, annoyed at the flush on her own cheeks. She was an Amazon too, there was no need to be prudish about the tradition. “I wish you success in the hunt.”
She was about to turn away, but stopped at the glint in Amoria’s eyes. The Amazon was looking her thoughtfully up and down.
“Will you join us? It would be a great honour to have a Queen among our party.”
“Join you where?”
Amoria spread her hands. “Wherever the wind and Aphrodite’s beckoning takes us,” she said with a wicked peal of laughter. Gabrielle looked down at her feet with a brief smile.
“Thanks, but - I’m not participating in the season this year.”
“Oh -” Amoria looked a little downcast. She shrugged. “That’s a shame. We’re not leaving just yet though. Wanna grab a drink?”
Gabrielle’s stomach flipped, reminding her that a drink was the last thing she should want after her overindulgence the previous night. But this feisty, forward Amazon was intriguing her. Perhaps there would be no harm in joining them for a while, to learn about another far-flung tribe. Perhaps some twist of fate had even arranged for her to stay later in Melodia today so that Amoria could catch her.
“It’s a little early for drinking, isn’t it?” she stalled. Amoria laughed.
“It’s a festival, the taverns open well before noon.” She cocked her head to one side. “You look like you could do with a drink. No offence.”
“None taken,” Gabrielle muttered darkly. Her headache seemed to have shifted to one side of her head, pounding relentlessly as the sun beat down. The crowd had swelled around them, and the clamouring noise was starting to grate - a cool tavern and an even cooler ale might be just what was needed.
Amoria had already started walking towards the nearest creaking tavern sign. With a sigh at her own indecision, Gabrielle followed.
The cool interior of the tavern was very welcome. The rest of Amoria’s tribe were already well into their cups, raucous laughter erupting from their table, which was the only one occupied. Amoria grinned, then gestured impatiently for Gabrielle to join them while she fetched some ale.
Gabrielle lowered herself onto a stool at the corner of the table, feeling uneasy - these loud, confident women were intimidating. But then Amoria placed a tankard in front of her with a flourish, and the women nearest her seat offered their names and warm smiles, and slowly Gabrielle began to relax. The Amazons were inquisitive, wanting to know about her own tribe - Gabrielle found she could speak of two, Chilapa’s in Greece and Yakut’s in the north, which the women found fascinating. Slowly, the ale slipped down more easily, numbing her headache and relaxing her tongue, and Gabrielle began to enjoy herself. It was rare that she was the centre of anyone’s attention these days, and she found herself thoroughly stimulated by a debate about the state of the Amazon Nation.
During a lull in conversation, a bright voice rang out from across the table.
“So, Queen Gabrielle - how goes your hunt this year?”
The owner of the voice was a short, muscular Amazon with curly hair and a wide smile. The tribe went quiet, expectant, and Gabrielle felt herself blush. She’d never quite gotten used to the brazen way that Amazons would discuss their mating rituals, despite knowing the men were willing ‘prey’. The Queen was often the most voracious in the hunt - she knew she was an anomaly.
“Oh, I’m - I’m not hunting.”
She was met with an inevitable chorus of boos and calls of “why not?”
“I don’t, generally.”
“Someone keeping the fires burning at home, huh?”
This astute question came from the woman next to her, Aratu. Gabrielle caught her eye and found herself blushing even harder, but the tension rose in her chest. If there is any fire left between me and Xena now.
“You could say that,” she muttered in response, and the table dissolved into laughter, wolf whistles and shouts of “lucky her!”
“What’s her name?” Aratu was still gazing warmly at her. Gabrielle paused, her voice catching in her throat.
“Xena.”
There was general uproar, amazed laughs and whistles, and Gabrielle heard several Amazons asking, “The Xena - the Warrior Princess? The one who was here? You’re together?”
“Uh-huh.”
She made herself look around, taking in the nods of admiration. Of course these women would be impressed.
“Wait - I saw her,” Aratu said with a crooked smile. “She’s pregnant, right?!”
Gabrielle’s heart plummeted. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Aratu slapped her arm, smile broadening.
“Well, congratulations! So the hunt was a success!”
“It’s not what you think,” Gabrielle murmured.
“But - the Amazon Nation lives on! This is cause for celebration, no?”
Gabrielle stared at Aratu for a moment until her words made sense. Of course, they would think that Xena’s pregnancy was deliberate, to birth a new Amazon into the world. She shook her head stubbornly.
“But Xena’s not an Amazon.”
Aratu looked perplexed. “Okay, but you are - and a Queen, no less. If Xena is your consort then is the child not your heir? She’ll have your right of caste, surely?”
There were a lot of nods of agreement, until someone shouted “unless it’s a boy child” - which was met with a lot of boos and eye rolling. Aratu hushed them, and turned back to Gabrielle, who was staring at the table, stunned.
“I - I hadn’t thought of that.”
She genuinely hadn’t. All this time, she’d struggled to imagine even being able to welcome this child into the world, let alone have an influence over the course of their life. But these women were right. If she and Xena were to raise a daughter, it would make sense that she would become an Amazon, too. If Xena would allow it.
There was an uncomfortable silence, a few women shuffling in their seats and murmuring to each other. Aratu carefully adjusted her seat so that she was looking just at Gabrielle, signalling to the others that the group conversation was over.
“Where is Xena?” she asked softly.
“She’s taking her mother home to Amphipolis.”
Gabrielle’s heart was racing. What am I doing? I’ve fucked up. I left Xena, with only a moon or so until the baby’s here. What if something delays me and I can’t catch up with them in time? What if - what is Cyrene telling her about me, about how she can’t rely on me, that she needs a man to -
“When is the baby due?”
She shook herself, trying to pay attention to Aratu’s gentle questions.
“Soon. Just before the solstice, we think.”
Aratu reached over and squeezed her arm. “I wish you will be blessed with a daughter. And a lot of joy. Both of you.” She left her hand where it was. She was a sweet woman, conscious on some level of Gabrielle’s distress.
“This a private party, or what?”
Amoria plonked herself down next to them both, looking daggers at Aratu, who pulled her hand away. But Gabrielle suddenly stirred into action, pushing herself up from the table, her stool scraping a furrow in the dirt floor.
“Actually - I have to go.”
“What?” Aratu and Amoria spoke in unison, and the rest of the Amazons looked up, surprised.
“But we’re just getting started!” Amoria protested. “You haven’t even finished your first drink.”
“Sorry. I need to catch up with Xena.”
“Thought you said she was off with her mother?”
“Yes, but - I’m going too.” Amoria and Aratu exchanged a baffled glance, but Gabrielle waved it off. “It’s always a pleasure to meet fellow Amazons,” she declared to the group, wishing her voice would stop shaking. “I wish you all a successful hunt.”
With that she rushed from the tavern and plunged into the crowd, weaving and pushing her way towards the stables.