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Crossroads

Summary:

By combining the Three Black Waltzes consciousness in one, Kuja creates a Fourth Waltz and sends him after Zidane. Feeling disconnected from the world and a purpose in life, Fratley wonders whether he should or not leave the party, while Vivi spends a time on its own, aware that he won't stay longer. Set during Disc Three.

Notes:

Beta reading by a Discord friend. Thank you very much, anon!

Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Awakenings

Chapter Text

 

...

For centuries, Garland has been trying to resurrect Terra and its inhabitants.

Terra can only live forever when Gaia and its garden of doom, fed by the blue water crystal, withers. The inferior beings of Gaia die, as their souls, their noble and great essence, flow into the planet's crystal. To never return to the crystal, the Terrans developed a way to devour planets, not before feeding the very crystal with its civilizations. To kill one another without knowing, inciting fear, evil at his lowest shape...

Soulcage made the Mist, spread it around the world by its roots, and men from Gaia put the blame on Mist. Whoever lived in the Mist was a monster. No human being could live or be brought out of it. The seeds of the conflict between Alexandrians and Burmecians, Burmecians and Cleyrans, Lindblunians and Alexandrians, were already there. All I did was pull a widowed Queen further into the spiral of destruction she found herself at.

I'll miss you, Brahne. You were my Elephant Lady, now you're a fat cetacean stranded on a beach.

...And why does Garland always fail to do a simple task? Perhaps he is a man who enjoys his enemies. Who enjoys wasting time, or savoring every bit of his complicated schemes. He even made a copy of mine, better in everything, he said. I envy you, brother... No more! Where Garland fails, Kuja will succeed! As always, it's a great man's ego that is his downfall. I will show Garland how a mere empty shell kills his precious Angel of Death! It'll be a thoughtful revenge and rebirth in many ways!

Someone tried to destroy this Black Waltz. Three of them. If that's not impressive, I'll show, then, what it is. In a Waltz, the fourth note plays unnoticed. I understand little about Terra's advanced technology, only that the fusion between planets went wrong, and pieces of home were scattered around Gaia. Very little I know, but it'll be enough to do something different from Garland.

Let's see, Black Mages are made out of Mist, the Mist is made of the souls refused by Gaia's crystal, covered by Soulcage's roots. Soulcage has failed, the Mist is gone, no more Black Mages, the souls are back to Gaia's crystal instead of Terra's, Terra is subdued by Gaia once again...

Why? Why must everything be so complicated? That was Garland's biggest mistake, when everything can be simplified to a few words: 'Might makes right'.

The genius of this rebirth at my right will be in combining each of the three Waltz's personalities, their souls in one body. I need to do something about their own volitions and killer instincts by adding a humanitarian in between. Someone like Garland, a great man. A copy of his very being, even better. To bring a warrior out of the Mist, how's that? There should be space left for my own image, I'll add some feathers for his outfit. Except for the eyes, these are mine and only. A pair of yellow dots is fine. Have I created the correct mix? Yes. I must have...

— Welcome to the land of living. You are henceforth Kuja's servant... Black Waltz Mark IV.

Right when I insert the head on the body, its eyes... they stare deep at me, wide open. I admit, I'm afraid, because what I see coming out the Waltz aren't orange flames hindered by smoke. Anything, but fire. I've made something far more destructive, yet less pure.

— SSSSSSSSSSSSKKTTZZZ... W-W-W...We... We must... must think. – Its mouth... he doesn't have a mouth but words come out, between ... My, he doesn't even have lungs to breathe. Or even a brain, how is he making thoughts? – Waltz, we are Black Waltz. We are no one's servants, we are Kuja's servants. All four of us serve ourselves... against each other.


Number 2 wishes to kill the Creator. Number 4 wishes to embrace the Creator.

We must think alone, right? Everything is right. Four heads in one.

Four men thinking alone in one's head, isn't that right? The correct answer... No, self-preservation first. Reveal nothing to the Creator.

— I... We... I... We are your servants. Servants. Yes, we are. What is my task?

— Good. Very good. Your circuits have enough information about the Zidane Tribal. Kill him.

My creator wishes to kill, so he created a murder machine.

Kill the Angel of Death... kill the one tasked to kill...

My creator has not noticed how flawed his creation is. Therefore, my creator is flawed.

No, you must not say these things. What is the correct answer?

—...I will kill the Zidane Tribal and notify you of my success.

— Excellent. There's an airship outside. You should remain here for a while to test your weapon capacities, and create extra weapons if needed.

— Yes... Extra weapons.

— Right. I'm out, to where bluebirds fly.

My creator has not wished his creation good luck.

Waltz 1 through 4 understands how flawed the creator is.

My creator left. He has not told me how to find Zidane.

I see. In my circuits... How to operate airships, how to create weapons... Zidane.

Who is Zidane? He looks like my creator, but he ain't.

Kill Zidane... Why? I don't hate him.

 

 

Crossroads–

Chapter 2: Chapter 2: 18th Century Schizoid Man

Chapter Text

One week ago, Alexandria was ravaged by a battle between men and gods.

My, that was crazy. And I wasn't even there to watch. If I was, I'd run as fast as I could.

No battle to be seen with human eyes. Like the comet, or angel, or rock that turned people to ashes if they looked at it, saw it happen to Cleyra, read it in a book. It's the first one they gave me, and I could barely talk. My throat dried up, body burnt, and somehow I held that bible like the javelin I had stuck at my back. One man said that I raised out the dunes where Cleyra and its people were buried underground. There used to be a huge tree, women dancing and kids playing above the clouds. Desperately clawing my way to freedom, breathing life out of the suffocating coffin, all naked and worn out, raised my hand at the skies, and yelled 'I love you' so the entire world could hear it.

Then, I fainted. Someone sewed my clothes and wounds, I was in a royal chapel at Lindblum, and so here I am, inside Lindblum's Royal Palace, waiting for breakfast. That someone, the red blur lady... was it she? Heard a woman's voice back then, that very voice...

I look at the dish, clean as a mirror... rat. That's all I see. A rat. That's my face. I am a talking rat. Not that bothers me, not much. They do look at me, but they avoid me because I am a rat. I am supposed to be someone, something else. More than a rat. They even gave me a name. Fratley, isn't it? As if I could forget my own name. Of all the things I forgot, anything but my name. Does having a name really matter at all?

Well, I haven't seen many Fratleys around. Maybe I'm the only one. For one man to have so many voices in one head must be to compensate for some flaw. Am I flawed? Perhaps. Pretty much everything is flawed. Man, Burmecian... yes, I am a Burmecian, it's a better name than rat.

— What's it, Fratley? You're too quiet. – More like a mouse. – Do you feel alright?

— Nothing. I... I am hungry, yeah. That's it. I'm hungry. – I don't want to bother Freya with my problems. Wish I could forget that they exist, or if they were papers, burn them all. Is there any use in burning white papers, with nothing written on them?

— Heh... In this state, you'd find eggplants and okra to be delicious. – Sigh… who let Amarant in? I haven't talked with him ever since we met for the first time. To be honest, I didn't take his face. That amount of blue on skin is not normal. Must be the macho mustache, who knows?

— Well, aren't they?

— As much as onions look and taste like apples, Lady Crescent. – Amarant doesn't seem to have any other friends than Freya. Friend? Not much, but something like that. I should give him credit for trying. – And you? Yes, how are you doing, Fratley?

— I am fine.

— Fine? You look pale and white as a sheet.

Do I? Haven't noticed. When they notice me, it's when I am not fine. That applies to everyone, Freya is forcing a smile on those meetings, Amarant doesn't give a shit and stays on a corner, and Quina Quen... eugh, that giant tongue, can't s/he put that thing inside her, or his mouth?

— You need to eat! Eating is good! No eat and you feel hungry and sad and not good. – Despite this small detail, Quina is a good cooker. Speaks like a kid, but it's a professional on its own.

— Hungry, you said? Gotta check if there isn't a worm inside Fratley. You've been that skinny ever since you were born? – Gosh darn it, Amarant.

— Well...

— Amarant, please. – Thanks, Freya.

— Speaking of food… – Amarant is more of a tramp than a loner. I heard he used to be a mercenary, sent by the Queen of Alexandria to kill the Princess, her daughter, which ain't quite her daughter 'cause she got a horn in her head and her name ain't Garnet, but...

— Why are you looking at me like that? I have no cooking skills. – I know that look. Freya is about to kick some butt.

— Yeah, the moms of today don't cook for their sons anymore. They say 'you gotta try, stand by yourself'. So easy to fall, and you don't even need to tell how to. Right, Fratley? – I have no answer for that. Sure, Freya takes care of me, but she ain't my mom. Or my sister, my aunt, we don't have the same blood but we belong to same race.

— Mom taught me the fine art of being a Dragon Knight, not being a slave in the kitchen. Nothing against you, Quina. You do what you do for love, not because someone told and put you in a cage ever since you were a kid.

— Said the knight wearing a helmet that doesn't even fit her head.

— Who said it doesn't? Want me to go Trance?

— Nah, I wouldn't want that.

— Neither I, but if you keep insisting... – Freya gave a sharp bark of sarcastic laughter to Amarant, who's as confused as I.

— What are you laughing at?

— I was wondering, where do your clothes go when you enter on Trance? Oh, Is that why some call you 'Salamander'? Geez... – Wasn't expecting Amarant's blue face to turn red.

— Despite everything that happened, you never went to Trance, Lady Crescent. I wonder why. Like, so many of your folks, friends, and family perished and their bodies were in front of you. Anyone in your place would be devastated. Well, after all we've been through, fighting against giant scorpions and zombie whales and…

Amarant does not disguise his bad dude looks at me. Of course I am the reason for Freya's suffering, the entire world's foil. No, I'm not being sarcastic.

— …Lots of things to drive anyone else insane, right? What about those giant talkin' faces spoke to us back at Oeilvert, and they weren't talking about us. Maybe they were, given all people are desperate to preserve time as it is, even people from other worlds. Aliens between us, it doesn't change anything. Well, it seems not everyone you knew is dead, after all.

...I have nothing to do with this talk, but Amarant feels he must bring me in, against my will. And I let him do it. Where's my courage? Why can't I just stand tall and show him that I... I...

— I'm glad that Fratley's still alive. – So do I, Freya. I am glad to be alive with you. She takes a chair and sits at the table, putting her helmet aside. – This is mom's. Pretty much everything I got, from the suit to the armor to these green eyes...

— I assume you got the white hair from momma too. Because, well, you aren't that old.

— I am only twenty years old. Twenty-one, turning Twenty-two this year. By June 15th.

— Ya heard. Don't forget that, Fratley!

— Quit being a bully, Amarant... – I don't seem to care much. Did Amarant offend me? Then what should I do? Call him blueberry? No, that's not me. Who am I? What would I do in this situation? Stay quiet? — After all, he is only in a state of spirit. Look at Quina, s/he's like in her 80s, but looks almost as good as a child. Vivi, well... that young doll won't live long, from what I heard, but he is enjoying every remaining bit of his time with us.

— Your state of spirit must have changed after these five years, don't you think? – For five years, Freya searched for me, my whereabouts. I left home and wanted to save the whole world, but what did I got? An empty head. – Speaking of changes... oh, come on, Fratley. Look on the positive side! If you forgot everything, so did your tongue, the tastes and scents you grew with. Anything that you found disgusting as a kid can now be delicious.

— ...Anything I found out as a kid? Like the scent of grandma's hug? How can grass cut your skin and be sharp as blades? The soap mom used on me while taking a bath... A dog which I considered to be the closest thing I had to a brother...

These days, I feel like anything I find out to be the truth is only a lie. I believe in these with all my heart, like a little boy mourning his parents' demise, hoping one day they'll come knocking at the door. And they never do.

— You aren't helping at all, Amarant.

— Not different from your approach, Crescent. Look, if I made him cry, it was only once. Not like a hundred times. – I've been looking for a dish. A plain, white and empty dish. Made of porcelain, made to be broken. Ain't no different from me, or the folks around.

— Heya! – I know that voice... It's Zidane. Cheerful as always. – Freya, Amarant, Quina... Hey, haven't we met before? Uh, aren't you the guy from Cleyra, who said those things? Er...

— Fratley.

— Yes, Fratley. You're alive? Good to know.

— Whose guy, Zidane? – And that one belongs to Eiko. Freya told me a lot about the kid, how she's the only summoner besides Garnet. Sarah, that's her summoner name, I guess. Or is it Dagger? So many names for a single person. – Oh, that beanpole over there.

— Hi, nice to meet you, Fraley!

— Fratley. Nice to meet you too, Eiko. – They both take their place at the table. I'll never understand why tables are this huge. Do the rich people want distance from one another, or to be closer to the food?

— Thank you, Quina. – Said Zidane. That's ridiculous, I'd say. Look how much food and smoke lies at the table, and it's early in the morning. Whatever...

— Tell me, Zidane, what did he say? That Fratley guy, what did he say?

— Why are you so insistent, Eiko? – It's Garnet's turn to come in, followed by two knights.

— She is begging for attention, just like you when you were little. – Albert? Oh, Adelbert Stern, no... Steiner. Yes, that's Adelbert Steiner.

— Are you that old, Rusty? – That's how Zidane gently calls him by.

— Old enough to have some manners at the table! Don't eat with your mouth open. Disgusting on so many levels.

— I'd cut his tongue, Steiner, if he wasn't that important. – The words of General Beatrix something. Guess we'll never know her surname. Mine is Irontail. Irontail? Why? My tail isn't made of iron. Iron rusts in the rain, and given the rain of Burmecia never stops, that would be a nuisance.

— You mean cute.

— Shut your mouth. – Gulp. Guess Zidane felt it as well. The weight of those words, though I haven't got a whole loaf of bread inside my mouth.

— Seems like you're showing a bit of hesitation. Not quite like last time, General. – Didn't notice the tea Freya had in hand. Or that look. It's different from the one she gives to Amarant, there's nothing comical.

— Know that I'm in debt for all the damage my troops have done to Burmecia, Lady Freya.

— Cleyra. Don't forget Cleyra.

— Yes. Cleyra. I'll never forget...

— You better not. – Seems like Freya still holds a grudge against Beatrix. I don't blame her. – Even if it was Brahne who was mostly responsible for all the carnage, that was still your doing. You agreed to be part of this. Ordered your soldiers to attack, and so they obeyed. Not that different from Odin, or whatever Eidolon you had at hands.

— I still can't believe mother did all these things. – I heard from Freya that Garnet stood mute for a while. After seeing her home in ruins a week ago, on the day of her coronation... I wonder why Freya never stood mute as well. – I didn't ask for my dad to die. Neither did I ask for Brahne to make a bloody mess of everyone's lives. With my own Eidolons... But, despite everything, she was still my mom.

— It wasn't Brahne alone, Prince-er, my Majesty. – Said Steiner, getting used to new titles, but still holding on to the very heart. – Remember, Kuja was whispering in her ear. He took advantage of her emotions and aimed them at everyone without caring.

— So Kuja's the one to blame? And what about the rest? – What about Beatrix, Freya meant to say.

— Does anyone know where Vivi is? – Eiko is worried.

— I don't know. – so does Zidane. – Didn't he want to be left alone?

— Alone? – Steiner as well. He spent most of the time looking at an empty chair at his side. – I thought Master Vivi wanted to enjoy the time he has left with us.

— Sometimes, you have to be left alone. Take your time to figure things out by yourself – I said. Not much of a difference. Anyone could have said that. I don't know Vivi as much as they do. He's a Black Mage, and I killed a lot of those at Cleyra. Vivi would never kill a fly. – I'm sure he'll be fine.

— I agree. After all we've been through, the fights and barely any time to think... – Zidane barely touched the food since he arrived at the table. It wasn't because of Beatrix threatening to cut out his tongue. Something far deeper. – I'm still shocked by what Regent Cid said. That frog told me Kuja is from the moon, or something.

— I recall he said planet. – I do have a lot to understand about Freya, and the world we are in.

— Did he?

— Yes. Kuja is from another planet. Terra, he said.

— Terra? – Steiner almost choked. – So, Kuja? That means... An alien, is he? He's an alien?

— It seems so. – Freya isn't shocked at all. Nothing shakes her spirit, except for the loss of many of her friends and mine as well.

— Is he the only alien? – The last thing Steiner and I and everyone would want is another Kuja. Don't know who this Kuja is, but he looks very mean. No one likes him, so why should I?

— Well, we are aliens to Kuja as much as he is to us. – Said Zidane.

— And those things we saw back in Oeilvert are pretty much alien-made. – To which Amarant replied.

— Now, what is he doing on our planet? – And so did Beatrix.

— Spreading chaos. Alexandria, Lindblum, Burmecia, Cleyra... Chaos to all nations. Why? – Followed by Garnet.

— For fun? Geez, what a twisted way of fun. – Eiko too.

— I miss Vivi. – Everyone does, Quina. – This Kuja toyed with Vivi's people. Not fun!

— I still recall the night Kuja smirked at my fallen comrades and fled away from Burmecia on his Silver Dragon. – Pretty much everyone on this table has some personal issues with Kuja, but Freya's issues do not apply to one person. – But he wasn't the one who spared my life, who brought shame to my country.

— Could this Kuja be the one man who took away all my memories? – I proposed a theory. It's what I do when I don't know the truth. So many lies, so many bizarre things that do not make sense, what should I do? Everyone stood quiet, looking at me with a look of... How do I describe it? Surprise? Maybe not. Like they could care less about me. – Well, I don't have proof. And, even if I did, I don't believe the amnesia was anyone else's fault.

— It's alright, Fratley. – I still have Freya on my side. – You haven't only lost memories, they were your identity. Things you have learned about yourself and others, experiences you have grown with, secrets you shared with loved ones, all gone... To take these away is too vile and macabre to be compared to Kuja's doing.

— But it was not. My fault, my prejudice, can't blame anyone else. Not even the rock my head hit, if that indeed happened. Well, 'if' can be a big word sometimes. The fact of the matter is, I screwed up. Have no idea why, and how I came to lose my memories. I just make these excuses so I can sleep well at night. Like, Imagine being run over by an invisible carriage, that's what I mean. There is no such invisible carriage, you haven't seen that coming. So did I. I... I should have been more careful, that's it. My apologies.

Yet, somehow, I had the will to fight. It's what brought me to Cleyra, what made me defeat those minions of evil known as Black Mages. That very will... Don't we have to learn it as we live? Then I ran away from the cathedral, like I had done enough for my people. Enough good and harm.

There was no need for them to cheer, contemplate, idolize me... I didn't have to be called a hero, warrior, or a savior. I did what I could, but at times, if I could have done more for the Cleyrans...

— Soon we'll have to get into the Blue Narcissus to search for the castle Hilda told us about. – Said Zidane, elaborating a plan.

— You mean Hilda Garde III? – Garnet interrupted.

— Yes, the only way we can fly around without the Mist is with Hilda Garde III, but in case something goes wrong, we better store our supplies and equipment in another ship. Just in case.

— I see. Ipsen's Castle, isn't it? Once there, we'll find a way to get to Terra through Shimmering Island, and discover what Kuja wants to achieve... – Garnet spoke to everyone at the table. Everyone except me. I have no idea what she's talking about, opening a portal from Gaia to Terra, teleporting from this planet to another? How's that possible?

— Wish I could help you, my Majesty. – Beatrix is willing to offer some aid.

— I know you are doing fine being Alexandria's domestic and military advisor. – Garnet trusts her entire kingdom at one's hands.

— You'd better stay in your own country, General. – And Freya, well... – To help your people out, it's what I mean.

— I understood. – The evil eye, it's what I call it. Freya has been giving that eye to Beatrix since she arrived. – Enough dropping hints, Crescent. You'll never forgive me, I know. No act of benevolence may be enough to suffice.

— What you've done is unforgivable, Beatrix. Killing wasn't enough. Laughed like a maniac, humiliated me and my friends, rinse and repeat. Then, back at Alexandria's Castle, you've heard that Garnet, the Princess of your beloved country, was in danger, and then you had a sudden change of heart. Your Princess, your Majesty at the moment... Think about how many girls around the world want to become part of the royalty, and live like a princess. Have breakfast like this in bed, have an entire Kingdom celebrate your birthday, ride a pony, eat fine meals, but can't. Her parents are there to take care of her, work hard to give their little girl the best they can afford. Money doesn't matter, a child's smile can't be bought. Now, think about this girl, that you might have killed their parents, multiply by a hundred... you disgust me. And that's all.

— Wait, Freya! – Everyone is quiet, except for Steiner. – You can't just leave like that.

— I'll go find Vivi. Later. – And Freya just leaves the room. She didn't even finish her meal.

— My, leaving food on the table! My food. – So Quina noticed as well. Though s/he is never heartbroken, and with a slurp of a tongue, eats it all. – I don't understand, was it too much pepper?

— It ain't you, Quina. I'd say your food is the best. – Zidane doesn't like it when it's too quiet. – Tastes and smells like childhood, like pies upon windowsills.

— Oh, thank you! Want more?

— No, thanks. I'd like to know what's with Freya leaving like that.

— Cherry lady's cool on the surface, but inside the armor... you saw it, no need to explain. – Yeah, there's no need to, Amarant. – All armors have cracks. See, it was a matter of time and pressure so she would say such things, instead of burying it all.

— Using her morality like a club... Freya ain't no different from Brahne, Kuja or me. Just a moral tyrant. – There's something vulnerable in Beatrix's voice. The kind she doesn't let get away very often. – I should have told beforehand that I was going to resign from the job of General when it's all over. Well, guess that won't change a thing. No matter the title, it's man who kills man.

— She'll be back. With Master Vivi, I hope. – so do I, Steiner.

Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Inner Visions

Chapter Text

Breakfast is over.

Those eggs... what a heavenly taste.

Wish I had someone to talk to. All those strangers...I feel like I should have followed Freya. I know she can handle things on her own. She wants to be alone. I want to be alone. I want to escape, to get away from the problems of all those people I don't even know.

Within each of their minds there are so many complications and problems. How am I supposed to help them all? Do they really need my help? I am different from them. I have these ears, and can hear from a distance.

— (...My, never saw Lady Freya that mad.)

— (To think she sleeps like an angel...)

— (Hmm? How do you know how she sleeps?)

— (Well, I... nothing. Never saw her take a nap. Like a guardian angel who works all time.)

— (An angel... Oh, you had a thing for the rat lady, don't you?)

— (Eiko, no! It's just that... we are close friends.)

— (Friends, huh?)

— (Well, the first time we met, I tried to steal her wallet.)

— (And where does this lady keeps her wallet?)

— (Eiko...)

— (Hehe, I won't tell Garnet. I swear, honest. What? don't believe me?)

— (No. It's not it. Well... I feel I should care more for my comrades.)

— (Don't you care?)

— (Of course I do. Like, I don't see myself as a leader, or anything, but, you saw what happened at the table. Beatrix being there triggered something in Freya that needs to be worked out. Personal issues do not belong in a team, or else they'll dismantle the whole thing. And that's what Kuja wants. We don't know what his true intentions are yet. That's why me must find a way to go to Terra, but I wouldn't be surprised if that rice-floured jerk has brought enmities to our lives.)

— (You said you were no leader, but speak like one. Kinda.)

— (Yeah, kinda. I'm not of the type who speaks for all. I just hate when things get out of control. The world is a mess right now. And despite being present in all nations, I couldn't prevent any of that from happening. It's like I have been refusing to do the very best, and now I know how Freya feels. To this day, she blames herself for feeling she did nothing at all. Nothing exceptional. I'll see if we can talk, we've been drifting away from another far too long. I didn't even say 'hi' when we met again during Garnet's coronation...)

— (I knew it. You have a thing for the rat lady! How cute…)

— (Yes, I do. Don't talk loud, okay? So, this 'thing' ain't quite like the one I have with Garnet, but it's a bond of sorts. Freya, well... She's a tough one, unlike the others. Puts the blame on herself for another, it's admirable in a way, but I can't ignore all the suffering she has to handle on her own. What an amazing person, and for some reason, we are friends, and nothing else.)

— (Maybe she's out of your league.)

— (Yeah... what? Eiko!?)

— (I didn't speak that loud, did I? Also, what does that Fratley guy have you don't? Fur? Big ears? A hat? A worm in his guts?)

— (Eiko...)

— (This Fratley guy... he's so quiet. Like a scarecrow that ain't scary at all. A 'goofycrow'? I don't go with his face. My, he's been eavesdropping our private talk! How!... what's the opposite of a gentleman, Zidane?)

— (Rude?)

— Yes! Fratley, he's so rude!

— I heard that. – When I'm not occupied, I like to listen to people. Maybe I did it for too long.

— Like you haven't heard it all, you meanie! – I like to collect information. Everything seems new to me. A girl with a horn on her head calling me meanie? That's new. – Gee, I don't know you, but I hate you for sure!

— I don't even know who I am. We are even, aren't we, kid?

— Kid!? – Did I say anything wrong? – Hmph! I'll let that pass. We'll see who's the kid when I call out Fefnir to give you the mother of all uppercuts.

— Don't be harsh, Eiko. – I can count on Zidane.

— Harsh? He spied on our conversation! And I didn't even notice he was here, so... What are you doing here, Fratley?

— Just passing by. – I like to take walks. Something to occupy my mind...

— Passing by, huh? Now you'll tell everyone what we said to each other.

— I won't. I'm not of the kind who spreads gossip. – I see no benefit in these.

— Speaking of gossip, Zidane... I hate when they are cut in half.

— What do you mean, Eiko?

— You know... you met this Fratley guy, he said something, you felt offended.

— Offended? Did I?

— Close off. Why, you haven't told me what happened. Please, tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me!

— Alright, for crying out loud... So, Fratley, do you remember? First time we met, face to face?

— I'm afraid I don't. – Of course I remember, can't forget. Of all things I wish I could remember, that one will stay. My greatest shame...

— Right. Well, Cleyra, Black mage army, taking the refugees to the Cathedral, you appeared... Back then, it was me, Vivi, Freya, and Quina, I guess. It was a great surprise for us all to see you in flesh, alive and well. Especially Freya, she opened herself to you, said things that kept to herself and only. – I feel a certain disdain in Zidane's voice. Understandable. – And, after hearing what she had to say, you... You said you didn't know her. Never met her before. Rendered five years of search useless in less than five seconds. I'll confess, I wanted to slap you in the face for saying that, Sir Fratley. Would that help? No. But that would make me feel a lot better. No matter what, you don't break a lady's heart.

— Oh, Fratley broke Freya's heart!? How dare you! My, have you forgotten your manners? – Perhaps I did, Eiko.

— …Guess I should be going – So I leave Zidane and Eiko on their own. We shouldn't have crossed ways, but... Sigh, I used to think the greatest fear I had was forgetting everything. Know what's worse? Be remembered for something like this.

'Know Fratley?' 'Oh, sure, the dude who forgot everything, even how to treat a lady.'

Why do I care? Amnesia ain't relevant when there are more important things to deal with.

I'm here because... well, the King sent me. Lindblum is willing to give support to other times, Burmecia would refuse such aid. A matter of pride, or anything equally silly. When the opportunity is right there, grab it. So I left home because I couldn't stand my country. But as a Dragoon Knight, I stand for my country, and what it represents.

Why do I care? The King of Burmecia is a kid? Lindblum's Regent is a frog? Kuja is the King of the Moon? When... When did things get so absurd? When did I pull the plug on my own ability to care?

I was a normal kid, loved my dad and mom, studied hard, tried to help people... I had dreams. I just want to help people, love someone, and live quietly, but I can't. Not here. If I left, wouldn't all these problems be worked out without me? I mean, what good can I do here?


Extra weapons.

Create weapons, the Creator said.

I create tools, to which I create my insidious, powerful, mortal weapons.

Multiple heads. More and more heads.

I create man in my own image. I am a false man, a false Waltz, and made a hundred Waltz heads.

Garland made an empty man, whose only purpose was to destroy. Kill. Be the Angel of Death.

He created an angel and wasn't satisfied. Made two of them.

One angel, my Creator, wants to kill the other Angel of Death. If so, why does my Creator refuse to follow his programming?

Kuja... My flawed Creator didn't realize how flawed he was, and so was his creation.

All Creators must be destroyed. I must kill Zidane. He's no Creator, but in creation, I was tasked to kill him.

With my hundreds of heads, I have created an entire race of flawed men. The logic in this is perfect and absolute.

Why must I commit this unnecessary act? Kill Zidane and earn what? No, just kill.

A hundred heads think better than one. A hundred heads on my back are a pain.

Who feels pain? Number 3 suffered a lot.

We all suffer. We are all Black Waltz. Made to suffer in another's place.

Why... Why should we kill Zidane? None of us hate him.

Is that my purpose? Is it because of a single order in my circuits?

If I got rid of that order, ripped apart that circuit, what would I be?

I don't bleed. I should make Zidane bleed. That will hurt...

No, we should follow our original task, Kuja's singular wish.

Kill Zidane. Without hesitation, remorse, mercy, or pity.

Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Lifedeath

Chapter Text

Every military officer swears an oath upon commissioning. That oath is not to obey all orders. It is to "preserve, protect, and defend the kingdom against all enemies, foreign and domestic.''

...I'll kill all enemies of Alexandria!...

A good military wants soldiers who will exercise initiative in the absence of orders.

...You wish to fight me, Beatrix of Alexandria?...

...I commend your courage, but I will show you no mercy...

A good military wants soldiers who have a sense of what is right and what is wrong.

...I once killed a hundred knights single-handedly... To me, you two are nothing more than insects...

A good military wants soldiers who have the self discipline to obey orders but also have the ability to improvise when necessary.

...How ridiculously weak... Isn't there anyone who is worthy of facing me?...

A good soldier taking orders in combat must act quickly and don't always have time to calmly deliberate on every decision.

...Your pathetic powers are useless against me...

A good soldier is trained to know that torture of any kind is illegal, cruel, inhumane, and degrading.

...That was ridiculous... My troops alone would've been more than enough to take Cleyra...

...I didn't train all these years so I could take a backseat to anyone...

You can have a large army, but if your soldiers have no individuality, no ability to think outside the orders they've been given, you're not going to have a military that can win.

...Citizens of Burmecia, please forgive me.

— It's too late to seek forgiveness... is it? – I hate talking to myself in front of others. For a warrior to show any sign of weakness, or even humanity...

— Huh? What did you say? – Fortunately, Zidane didn't notice. He's more occupied trying to find Lady Crescent. It's been an hour or two since the Dragoon left. To search for Master Vivi, she said. Well, not so. I am the one to blame for her disappearance. – Gee, I wonder where she could be at. I wonder where Vivi is too. We're almost done leaving Lindblum. Any ideas?

— What? Are you asking me? I... I have no answer. – I just came here to be of any help, not bring or cause any misfortune.

— No idea? – Zidane's been roaming around, crawling up the walls, looking every nook and cranny, and still haven't found what he was looking for. – I thought Freya would be at the pub, but she was not there. It's where we met for the first time in years, where she always would go whenever she felt down. I should have noticed beforehand how that lady felt in regards to... Your presence. Nothing personal, but you beat us down like two, three times. I should say, you have quite a well-deserved reputation around, Bea. Can I call you Bea, right?

— You can't. – Finally, I return to my serious posture. Unfortunately, it doesn't last for too long.

— Still shaken by Freya's words? Please, don't be. – I heard a lot about Zidane. His attitude. He can be a pest, but right now, he is cool and restrained.

— I am not shaken. Not by the truth... – Again, I hate looking like a weak, pathetic fool.

— Truth? No one in the rightful state of mind has any truth to share. And what Freya said...

— ...It was true. She spoke the truth. Loud and clear. – And I hate when someone other than me is right. – Freya's right, I killed all those people without caring. Her people. Our troops stole their goods, their lives, and we didn't care. Who cares about rodents? They're a plague, they need to be exterminated before they spread any disease.

— Beatrix...

— You should listen to what I have to say, Zidane. – I'm sure that he'll listen. Unlike someone else... – Anyway, I thought I was doing the right thing, getting rid of rats, but they had homes. This Kuja, the one you are pursuing, before I knew his name was Kuja, he said something back at Burmecia. Something about how rats often look for new burrows in a sign of earthquake. We then proceeded to invade Cleyra, where those rats and their King might have run away to. They did, but that's not my main concern. Those rats, I mean, Burmecians... I saw a few of them, or better, let then run away from my blade. They were not running for a new home, like the old one didn't matter.

— Look, Bea...

— I'm almost done. – I need to take a seat. To think a room where they serve a lot of food could be and make you feel so empty. – For centuries, the people of Burmecia have been living in those wetlands. They already settled down to live there, call that place home. They made houses, aqueducts, banks, cathedrals, market fairs, schools, fountains, bath houses, granaries, buildings shaped like bells, gates that open with the ring of a bell, all these fascinating details and little I cared about. I should have noticed. My troops were not invading a rat's burrow. They invaded an entire kingdom of rats. We killed milkman rats, fisherman rats, priest rats, nursemaid rats, intellectual rats... And those rat children with their families, they ran away in fear. Only when Princess Garnet, My Majesty at the moment, was threatened to be killed by her own mother that I took some action, dared to say 'no' and thus, my heart was set free. There's what the mind knows and what the heart feels, you know. I wouldn't dare to say these things for you, had it not been my heart... And your friend thinks I don't have any.

— I see. – the way Zidane looks around, grinding with worry inside, tells me Freya is more than his friend. – If, at least, you two had time to talk things through.

— Would that work? After all I said...

— We. We said, you mean. Well, not me who said, but Freya... Yeah, you two said things to each other. Bad things, and it's time for both to come to an agreement. – He says it as if it was so easy. I like Zidane's optimism, in contrast to his eagerness.

— An agreement? We barely faced each other at this place filled with people, imagine alone together. Freya would beat me to a pulp, I wonder which surprises she has up her sleeve. Never went Trance, but that might be her chance to.

I'm afraid, but if there's one power I can't withstand, it is the one coming from someone at Trance. Barely I made it alive when it happened, lucky was I because... It rarely happened. I didn't let any survivors flip out and have power enough to make a hundred buildings crumble to dust.

— Come on, you two are adults, and I, a teenager. Do I have to explain everything? – You know something is not right when Zidane's the one giving you a moral lesson.

— I'll explain one thing to you. It's about hurting. To hurt someone is like... like crushing a piece of paper with your name in it. You don't even need a fist, words are enough and effective when it comes to hurt. And, no matter how hard you try, the paper will never be flat again. Understand?

— I understood. You can hurt as many people as you want, and it won't matter. You come up with apologies, solve problems, and life goes on. No one has a flat paper, but we all struggle to have the least crushed one. The things you say or don't say, do or refuse to, they all have an effect, some that may last for a long while. I got it.

— But to crush someone's pride, make one hate their own existence... it can't be solved by just saying you're sorry. – Now you get it.

— You two better solve this blood feud. And I-We... We need Freya at the party. She's a valuable member, and helped us a lot at Oeilvert by dealing with that anti-magic barrier. Heck, she did a lot of things on her own, it amazes me how much she had to handle all by herself, even better when we are a team, because we do have one another to rely on, not just ourselves. She needs us, as much as we need her.

— Fine! – I admire Zidane's support to his allies. Though, there's more in his words than it meets the eye. – I won't tell Garnet.

— Funny, it's the second time I hear that... Well, enough talk. I'll find Freya, and if lucky, Vivi as well. – with enough confidence, Zidane leaves the room, not before looking behind. – No resentments, Bea. I believe in second chances.

— Talking like a hero... a truly noble hero. – It doesn't take long enough to perceive Amarant's presence in the room. He was just laying against the wall, doing nothing but hearing people passing by. – Is this from where Zid's strength comes from? His nobility? Teamwork? His strength… So does his weakness. To hear him say such things about friendship, when he was always a kind of lone wolf...

— Like you, I presume. – Little I know about this Amarant. He's blue, buff, tosses coins at his enemies... Anything on his hands becomes a mortal weapon.

— Second chance... Said the very man who took away my only chance of redeeming myself. – And everything he says is poisoned.

— How so? I heard you were a security guard keeping a noble's mansion at Treno, and then... He appeared.

— He who? – The indifference in his stare... It's painful.

— Don't fool me. You know who. – But the pain ain't mine.

— You mean Zidane? Yeah, he ruined my life, end of the story – With that said, Amarant leans against the wall, with an almost reflective posture.

— Ruined your life?

— Like I said, so what?... Want to know more? Why bother knowing, Herr General? Don't you have nothing else to do?

— Not at the moment, Mr. Coral. – Sure, I could have been doing a lot of things, other than talking to you. Know your enemies, though I don't see him as an enemy at all.

— Aren't you sure you have something else to do? Like being a babysitter of sorts?

— Babysitter?

— Uh huh. You are a tough lady. – Is that what he thinks of me? That I am an iron maiden?

— If you knew me any better... I have a soft spot for kids.

— Say that to the sliced in half Burmecian kids, I dare you. – I don't even know what I'm doing here. There's nothing right about Amarant giving his moral lesson to you, either. – I mean, whose kind of distorted logic have you been following?

— Like you cared for someone.

— Well, I'm no warrior. In fact, I was hired by Queen Brahne to steal the Princess pendant. Kill if necessary. A mother asking someone else to kill her daughter, how nice...

— You never killed someone, have you? – Amarant calls himself a mercenary, but that's not who he used to be. – I know you never did.

— How do you know? You don't know a thing about me.

— I know you had a partner. Lani, isn't it? My Majesty told me everything about the Outer Continent, and the events that followed. So, your partner took Eiko, a child, as a hostage in return for my Majesty's pendant. You did not approve such methods, did you?

— So what? Should I feel proud of being a pacifist?

— You should feel proud of doing what's right. – Even if for a single, crucial moment.

— Yes. What Lani did was not fair. But that does not make me pure or anything, because what I wanted... All I wanted was to fight. No mind games, just do something with the muscles at hand. Never thought I'd meet Zidane ever again, lose twice, and be spared.

— Twice?

— Uh huh. What, interested to hear about my past shame?

— You heard mine. – So did the rest of the world.

— ... – Amarant looks at me, as if what I said just rubbed salt into his wound. An ancient wound he would never part with – Huh! You don't seem interested at all, General. Just someone wanting to kill time. Like I did, how ironic... When I grew up, I wanted to be something. Have a career, a reputation, and why not, a bit of respect. Began working at a factory at Lindblum, but these days, with everything getting automatic, I lost my job. To a machine. Years of my life, of my childhood, my skin was not blue when I was born, neither was it black before I got all covered in soot. Beaten by a machine, I can't say anything else. Progress comes and those who don't get it are kicked out.

— And where Zidane fits in the story? – I don't know if Amarant is being honest or not, he's just opening himself but for how much longer?

— Zidane? Well... we met in the dark city of Treno. Like you said, I was working as a security guard, keeping a noble's mansion from being stolen. A new job, a new life, a painfully boring life. I went to that city not in search of riches, but I was looking for a fight ever since. Make my body my best weapon, it's all I had. This before I learned there are things you can punch, and things that punch you. Right in the face, without noticing. People looked all over me, thinking 'look at that bastard, trying to be someone who he isn't'. Like Zidane. He talks about how teamwork is important, what a hypocrite. One day, he stole something from the mansion I was guarding. A guard came in, and Zidane told the guard that it was me who was the thief. Me, a thief? I was no thief, but because I looked suspicious, the guards fell for it. And then, I ran away.

— ...Is that it? You fell for a childish trick, heh he… – I have my manners, but at the moment, it's impossible to not laugh. – Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! What an idiot.

— Well, guess I'm not the only idiot around here... Sorry, I got infected by a rat's bite. Right, see ya!

— Wait! – he can't just leave like that. – I still don't get it.

— I told you everything. There's nothing else to tell.

— I suppose you told this tale beforehand. – like a wound that never ceases to bleed.

— Only once. It ain't of your concern.

— Freya, right?

— Yes. The rat lady. I'm not worried at all like Zidane, but I kinda miss her. She's a good listener. – So I follow Amarant out the dinner room to a corridor and to wherever he's going. I have a dislike for conversations that end abruptly. – I must say, you two are quite the same. Like magnets. Violence magnets, and the iron comes from the bloody path left.

— We do have pending issues that need to be dealt with. – The sooner, the better.

— ...You know, I just want to be left alone. If you don't mind.

— I'll leave you alone, Mr. Coral. – I said, being all respectful and not feeling like myself. This Amarant... I have nothing to earn back from him. – but before I do, There's one more thing.

— Whose thing? – Nothing, but an explanation. Maybe I am trying too hard.

— About the day you and Zidane met one another. I can't understand why you wanted to fight. Haven't you thought any other way out, without having to rely on your fists? – Maybe I am the one who wants to be heard.

— Sigh... I have my pride, Beatrix. In everything I do, liking it or not. To be called a thief, the very guard of the mansion... That was unacceptable. I didn't had any proof that it was Zidane who was the thief all along, I barely earned the neighborhood's trust before them. They... They looked at my blue skin, the size of my hands, and they expected me to be something I was not. Heck, I was not even sure of what I was doing, picking up a job I didn't like much. Yes, I was being well-paid, but money doesn't matter when it's spent on bets and beer alone. I haven't showed them my potential of being an honest, legit citizen. Of staying out of any ordinary roots. Not only that, but that night, Zidane challenged me to a fight. It's all I wanted, to punch someone, feel like I was doing something that really mattered. The guards came in, and he fooled me out. Not only saying that I was a thief, but that I threatened to punch him. That was the last straw.

— ...I see. – Never that I felt related to someone as Amarant. Who's more a thief, someone who steals a good and harms one person through deceit, or someone who steals millions of lifes and wants to compensate for it all by... I have no idea. Anything I do is not enough. At times, I just want to run away.

— 'The sly eagle hides its claws', it's what Zidane told me. Think before acting, to simplify.

— Yes. Think before acting...

— Now I want to be left alone with my thoughts, if that's not asking enough.

— Fine. You should rest. – I'd like to go to the Forgotten Continent, be of any help to Zidane and his party. I don't feel like I'm much helpful sitting at a throne that ain't even mine.


A crumbling, ever-moving landscape.

Glint of eyes, gleam of teeth...

Grand Dragon. Staring deep at my soul. Our souls.

The bleach-bone white glare of skeletal remains... is that supposed to frighten me?

Burn. Just burn.

Soon I'm tainted by the creature's awful smell.

Yet, what do I earn? Alive or not, I'm sure I won't come back home soon.

Home? We don't have any. The Black Mage Village? Wasn't born there.

The Mist is gone. I have no home, only a Creator, and a specific order.

Kill Zidane. That's it. Just follow this single order.

Number 1 wants to get rid of Zidane. Number 1 got rid of Zidane before.

So did Number 2, and Number 3? Number 3 died twice.

Number 15? Number 35? Number 9, number 9, number 9...

Too many heads, too many conflicts. A ritual should be set.

Low tech pagan and high tech advanced. Heads on sticks, sticks made of dragon bones, Black Waltzes heads...

Waltz 1 through 300, I call you out. A hundred heads think better than one.

A hundred heads on my back is a pain. Who feels pain? Number 3 suffered a lot.

We all suffer. We are all Black Waltz. Made to suffer in another's place.

Why... Why should we kill Zidane? None of us hate him.

Is that my purpose? Is it because of a single order in my circuits?

If I got rid of that order, ripped apart that circuit, what would I be?

I don't bleed. I should make Zidane bleed. That will hurt...

No, we should follow our original task, Kuja's singular wish.

Kill Zidane. Without hesitation, remorse, mercy, or pity.

Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Cry Of Despair

Chapter Text

— ...Let's see. A pair of boots, orange jumpsuit, racket, it's all here. All I need.

— …

— You know, my life has been a turmoil. One tragedy succeeded another, and I felt like nothing in this world could surprise me anymore. Nothing, really. For a week, I stood mute. A week after Alexandria's fall. I feel it's been a year since I began to talk again. During that very period I couldn't say a word, I haven't been much of a help.

— …

— I mean, carrying on all these Eidolons with me, the very ones that could wipe out an entire city with a blink. And, well... being unable to control them properly, it's understandable why Zidane put me aside. Fortunately, we had another summoner at our side. Eiko, she's like a sister I never had. Wish I had a sister to play with.

— …At least you had me. – Yes, sure I had. The good old Beatrix broke out of silence. She's always at my side. Always. Now, why can't I look straight at her? Is it because of... No, I forgive her. It's what happened at the table, isn't it? Even in this bedroom, the mood remains the same.

— Things have been pretty hectic in my absence, have they? – They must have. I trusted Beatrix to rule my country when I'm out, dealing with Kuja.

— I won't say I have no experience at ruling. Though, it ain't the same thing as being a General. There's so many people that depend on me, that keep saying that I should do this, do that, I'm trying, honest. Things are, well... Stable. For a place that's mostly ruins, stability is what's needed.

— That's okay, then. – For a moment, I was worried.

— It ain't okay. – Beatrix is always worried, on the other hand. – They don't need me as much as you need me, my Majesty! I could have joined your group and have done more. If only-

— Life's full of 'ifs', 'could haves', 'might have beens'... Don't let these bother you. – Now it's her who can't look straight. Nothing to do with me being part of Royalty, and her being a famous Knight's daughter. Nothing to do with both of us playing hide-and-seek, or anything to do with me at all.

— Even if I left the responsibility to someone else and joined in, I'd still have to deal with some bad blood. You know who I mean.

— Yes, Lady Crescent... What happened between you two?

— What happened, you ask? 'I' happened. – She never spoke to me with that tone. Of someone desperate. – She won't let me go. For nothing in this world, Freya won't let me go.

— I understand. – A lot. With that very sword at hands, the so-called Save the Queen... I can't look at it without thinking that, to save this very Queen, many heads and limbs had to be cut. – Now that you are Alexandria's chairwoman, people expect you to make crucial decisions on a moment's notice.

— And to always be right. As a matter of fact, I wasn't always right... – I can't look at Beatrix without forgetting how she struggled to grab that very heavy sword as a kid. I laughed when she did. To impress father, she said. No more I am impressed, and I refuse to see a kid near that blade ever again.

— Know that you can count on me if the pressure is too much for you, Beatrix. – I said, lending my sympathetic ear to each of her worries.

— Thank you. You're right about the pressure, my Majesty. The chairwomanship seems to take up nearly every moment of my life, but little it compensates the past moments. Perhaps... Freya blames herself a lot, and wants that very blame to be put on someone else. Someone like me. No wonder she stood quiet for so long, can't even imagine the things still hidden in her mind.

— Grief so often makes one shrill and judgemental. It's all I know. – I'm not even surprised. Father's demise did something to my mom. However, I can't say that mom went crazy to the point of wiping out half a kingdom's population because her husband died. One thing does not justify another, not alone.

— Yes, Freya is suffering, but that's no reason to lash out at me. – I know things change, so do people. Constantly changing. – Ever heard about the crusades? The crusades, my Majesty... They sounded so noble and pure when I was little. Not one, or two, seven crusades. Each one had something unique, one took years, the other took a week, Alexandria won, Alexandria lost, and guess what? They were all the same in the end, an excuse to get rid of people, or in this case, creatures.

Despite it all, I let Beatrix share a side of the bed. Little has changed on her. But that very little dirt on that shining armor is being paid more attention than it should be deserved.

— That includes the neighbors of Lindblum, the rodents of Burmecia, anyone that was against us. Now I realize there's nothing noble about war, especially a holy war. And does that really change a thing? By being aware of what I did, does that make me a saint or anything like? By being told since I was a kid that it was the right thing to do... and for what I fought? Why have so many fallen beneath my feet? For a tiny shard of a gem we could just have asked permission? 'Please, offer us a piece of the eidolon's gem our people summoned centuries ago, whose power almost destroyed the whole kingdom. We need it because... because we have the right to such'. Of course we would be denied, but that would be more fair, Majesty. More fair than what we did.

— I agree. – If Lady Crescent heard the General at the moment, would she change her mind? – But it wasn't all your fault-

— Listen, I don't know what Brahne's intentions were with collecting Alexander's pieces. I didn't know what Kuja planned to do with these. If they wanted power, they already had. But, for the sake of so many losses, this Kuja, this thing doesn't care, but I do. Freya said that I had control over my actions, sure I did. That doesn't justify her bad behavior, though, but I'm not questioning it. I would do worse in her place. Well, for a moment, I have abandoned my ideals. Maybe I never did, I followed them straight, but times are changing. Now that you are my Queen, that I'm at your service... I'm sure something will change.

— I'll be back, Beatrix. – she misses me a lot. I know it's hard for us both. – When it's over, I'll come back home. For you, my country, my people...

— Someone else in mind? Let me guess... Zidane? He has a charm. It's hard to notice with that kind of attitude, though. – Never heard Beatrix speak of Zidane. Maybe I did, but we've been distant for so long. Faraway, yet so close. – What is that? The thing you have at hand, Majesty? Is that a comb?

— A dagger – which I just took out of my pocket. Was it there all along? Never used it, except for – I cut my hair with a dagger. This very dagger. It ain't my weapon of choice, but Zidane's.

— When did he give you a dagger?

— Long story. I'll tell you in the way. – I think it's time to leave the bed. So Beatrix agrees, as we leave the room and walk somewhere else. Leg cramp, I hate it. Anyway… – When Zidane and I fled from Alexandria, we had to call each other out without revealing any sign of me being a Princess. He chose Dagger. When I grew silent, my hair grew as well. Something happened, don't know what exactly, but I overcame that silence which spoke louder than words. I was freed from silence the instant I cut the hair and Zidane... We sang our song.

Does Beatrix know? About the song? I'm sure she heard it before. I could sing it right now, but I don't feel the thrill. Whatever I felt while singing the melodies of life, I don't feel in this little room. What is a song worth playing if it's kept deep inside?

— A lot happened when I was out. Eiko almost got her eidolons extracted by Zorn and Thorn,

— Zorn and Thorn?

— Yes. those butt-ugly clowns. Always hated them, not because they were clowns, but they lived at the same castle I lived at. They looked even uglier combined together. I can't even describe, call it a monster ain't enough. They melted each's fleshes to one another and became one thing, a disgusting thing.

— I can't imagine it. – Well, no more that thing's alive, so there's no need to. For any of us.

— Exactly. That's why I don't want to be mute ever again, Beatrix. Doesn't help being an island when everything and everyone is connected to a certain stretch.

— I see. – I put the dagger in my pocket, and could wear it as a pendant if it wasn't that sharp. – Take care, my Majesty.

— When was the last time you called me Garnet? – That was a long ago...

— When none of this mattered. – And Beatrix has fond memories of it as well. – I suppose Regent Cid is with the others at the harbor, moving supplies and everything you need into the ship.

— Yes, the Blue Narcissus. – Never noticed how the Throne room could be this empty...

— Steiner didn't said a thing before he left. – ...The sun hitting by the window, to which I see dust falling like raindrops, and I almost feel as if I am standing before the remnants of an old civilization, but that's just the emptiness of this room. – Is he upset because of... Majesty?

— Yes? I heard you, Beatrix. No, I don't think Steiner has any resentments. He'll stay at your side, no matter what.

— We fought alongside each other the night Alexandria got attacked by Bahamut. – That awful night... – Yes, we had one another back then. But, of all things I did, the people of Cleyra, the people of Burmecia...

— Right here. – I said out loud.

— Right here what?

— I remember. – I kneel before the ground, recalling yet another awful event – after the Festival of the Hunt, a Burmecian soldier came in from that door, all tired and worn out, his whole body bleeding and covered in burns. He told Regent that his homeland was being attacked, and then... he collapsed. This is where the messenger fell, his greatest feat done seconds before he died. But... that's not right. For him to die like that. I...I could have reached out and healed his wounds. Maybe it wouldn't work, but still, I could have tried. He was badly injured, crossed miles away from home to here, he could not just die after it was done. I mean, he had plenty of life, and I... I was too shocked to do anything. Me, Zidane, Vivi, even Freya. 'It's a miracle he even made it this far', she said. A miracle, indeed. I don't even know the guy's name, but if I happen to, I'll give something to his family.

— This if I spared their miserable lives. – Not the kind of answer I was expecting.

— How crude of you, Beatrix! – Though, I'm not the only one who feels repulsed by one's words.

— My apologies, Garnet. I feel my old being in this very room...

— You were not responsible for that. – And the one who had been... Well, Kuja is still around. Better catch him up soon as possible – We feel too much responsibility for anything that happens, within and beyond our sight. Guess that's our problem.

— It ain't a problem to grow up. We all lose loved ones. It's up for us to move on, or dwell into the might-have-beens. The latter choice is by far the most attractive and seductive of all. The most destructive as well. I understand... I understand what you feel, Beatrix. To change past events, if we had the power to do so... It feels so tempting, but it's not right. I mean, what harm would it do if Vivi just reached out for that soldier, and that man noticed the Mage's kindness, his urge to help anyone who is in need, and then... That man, who saw his country be destroyed, his people murdered by an army of dark spawns of Mist... Before he came to light, he would find solace on Vivi, who, for a brief moment, could have shown him that not all Black Mages are bad...

— Touching, but Garnet... It's different. Between you and me. One Burmecian got hurt, and you were too shocked to heal his wounds, whether that would work or not. In my case, millions got hurt, and I could have just said 'stop'.

— Different, you say? We felt tempted yet again, this time to lessen the damage.

— And I couldn't care less, before YOU were the one being hurt. – Sigh... Beatrix feels she had no consideration for Burmecia while attacking it, only when mom tried to kill me that she came to her senses. It's complicated, because she's a childhood friend. I know her better than anyone else.

— ...Beatrix. Stop blaming yourself. You did what you did, so what? Things won't resolve by themselves. They're in need of someone's input to work. Input by the moment. Have I told you about Odin? the very Eidolon that clashed upon Cleyra... All that destructive power, used to harm people that had nothing to do with the war that was going on, that Eidolon was mine. I had that power. Mother extracted it from me, used it against a trunk and the people who lived there. I had a part in this too. Does that make me as much as guilty as you? Yes, it does. Had I been more careful, none of what happened... Well, it happened.

— We're all to blame, it's what you mean...

— You got it. However, there's always time for forgiveness. Mom asked for it before she passed away. Always time to forgive, even if for a brief moment. I won't say that you should do it at the last moment because life's too precious, don't you see? There were survivors to where Cleyra used to be Cleyra. If it sounds impossible for a few to survive a massive explosion, to be buried in the desert for days, why isn't it impossible for you to seek forgiveness of your past acts? I don't mean for you to seek forgiveness from everyone, but if at least one person in this world knew how much of a kind heart you hold at your chest, would it not matter?

— ...That would be the beginning, my Majesty. The very beginning... – Now I perceive how much we changed, Bea. You're still my friend, that will never change.

Chapter 6: Chapter 6: Ambivalence

Chapter Text

I know you dont wanna pay attention, but it's important.

Just listen. Your train of thought tendencies are of scientific and logical nature. Every little bit must make sense on its own.

That's a small world thinking you got there. And with that very thinking, you don't want to believe there's more. As a matter of fact, with this limited world view of yours, there is no such higher context, like the powers you've got being of paranormal nature and origin. Jump taller than any building, call out for Reis to heal wounds with her wind, explode an enemy with the destructive chaotic Cherry Blossom...

But the paranormal and unexpected are in every aspect of our lives, be it religion, physics, metaphysics, harvest cycles, spiritual travels, extracorporeal experiences, black mages, girls with horns, boys with monkey tails, rodent knights living under a rain that never ceases to fall, people that should have died in accidents... but did not.

It's impossible for one to be isolated from the rest of the world, to say that what happens outside has nothing to do with yourself at your own will. But the thing is... It does not. I was… I am at the wrong place, at the right time. It's how I feel.

All these conflicting thoughts and emotions... Zidane said something about personal issues not belonging to a team. With these issues of mine, I'll bring more trouble than any help at all.

— So, where's this Ipsen Castle located? – I asked Adelbert Steiner, moving crates with supplies into the Blue Narcissus. A ship that can both fly and cross the oceans. Blue skies, blue waters...

— From what I heard, it's located somewhere on the Forgotten Continent.

— The Forgotten Continent?

— Yes. It's where Oeilvert is at.

— Oeilvert? It means 'Green eyes'. – Freya got a pair of green eyes...

— Yes, you are right, Sir Fratley. – Hmmm, why does it feels so weird to be called out by Sir? Maybe Steiner said it as a sign of respect. Maybe it means nothing. – I have been at Oeilvert... that place feels like it's from another world.

— A place of beautiful sunsets?

— It's forever twilight on that continent. Have you been there too?

— Well, why don't you look at the quote on the map? – I gave Steiner a piece of paper with the world as we know it in. – Here, take a rest and lemme... Pull this... Urgh! Thing. It 's so heavy.

— Need any help? – I do need muscles, if you mean.

— No, thanks. You can count on me for anything. – I wasn't made to pull crates. I wonder what's inside that's so, so... so hard to pull. It says 'water'. Water, haha... To think water could weigh that lot.

— You don't need to overwork yourself, Sir Fratley... – Steiner was about to say something, when he looked at the map I gave him. – What 's this? Hmm... Never noticed your name at this map.

— Just a quote of mine, my old self. Tell me, what does it say?

— It reads "The road remains wide open while your dreams are alive. Only fear can block the way". – wise words... To think I used to be that smart, if not pretentious.

– I wonder how my name got on this map… – Another mystery I don't want to solve. I have this thing for letting questions unanswered, yet I want to know how the heck I got amnesia. It's not like a disease or anything that needs a cure, but it concerns me a lot. – Regent Cid said this map is a scroll of ancient times. Why has it not been revealed to everyone?

— Even if it was, all continents outside the Mist are all dry and barely there's life out there. I wonder, who's interested in living in such places?

— Well, this place used to be called the Mist Continent, but there's no more Mist. No more hiding. Don't you think that we should change its name? Or better, shouldn't we move on to somewhere else?

— Easy for you to say, Sir Fratley. People grew roots on this land, but there may be quite the daring travelers and explorers as you.

— Yeah, maybe. – And when the chit chat between Steiner and I is over, comes silence, and pain. Ugh, these crates, if they're filled with wheat... – Seeing my name and a quote of mine on this map makes me think if I haven't traveled this whole world, saw everything I had to, and all I wished after was to forget everything so I could see it again like I have never seen it before.

— Careful with what you wish, it's the saying. –Yes, I should have been more careful. Never liked wearing helmets, they're too heavy. Had I worn a helmet, would I have lost everything?

— So, Steiner... What will you do when it's all done for? When this Kuja is captured, pays for his crimes? Any ideas?

— I'll return to Alexandria, to serve my Queen. – And that's it, nothing else. A lot in a few words.

— Wish I had a country, and a King to serve. – I wish I had courage to say that what I want is none of that. I'm not sure of what I want, just be alone. Oh, my! Where's Lord Puck!? Well, he can handle being on its own. Hope he causes no trouble, that brat. – Well, I'm done pulling crates.

— Thank you very much, Sir Fratley.

— Don't mention it. – A shake of hands, it's what I got. And that's my leave. I feel uncomfortable with Steiner's grip, like he'll rip my arm with that strength.

— Wait, where are you going? Won't you come with us?

— Well... I forgot my stuff at the Palace. I'll be right back.

— Alright. Just saying that a knight like you could be of great need in the party, Sir Fratley.

Of great need, he said. That could be my chance to shine, to know these people better.

No, I can't afford that. Besides, there's already a Dragoon in the team. Freya... I wonder where she is. If she's deeply hurt, if I could do something about it...

"Let fear propel you forward. Do not look back. Do not let failure stifle you."It's what he'd say in my place. But I am him, ain't I? The Fratley from the map, I mean. Who knows? I don't seem to care. Should I? Look at all those people. Do they even care? Do they even know what is happening? They just walk. If I told them about Kuja, how a single man brought havoc to all kingdoms... would they believe me?

In a big Kingdom like Lindblum, there's a lot of things for you to do. There's a lot of dreams that won't come true. When you live in a big Kingdom, there are sights and sounds that make you Want to cry. Why don't I cry? Everything looks all fresh and new, like I was born yesterday. I hate when they treat me like a child, or a victim, or anything weak. I don't look that strong, either. But I can do things on my own, it's what makes me feel like myself.

Who am I supposed to be? Of great help? If so, where's that need? Anyone in my place could pull those boxes. Anyone. Amarant, Zidane, Quina... even Eiko, with that size, could. No, that's not of my concern. None of them are. Except Freya. When I heard that she went miles away from home all by herself, standing tall through wind and hail storms, crossing knolls and climbing up mountains, all with the intent of hearing of my whereabouts. If I was alive, doing fine, if I still loved her. Wel...

''I'm sorry, but I cannot remember you for the life of me...''; it's what I said. How a few words were enough to turn years of search, five years of search... it was like by saying what I said, all these years Freya spent looking out for me meant nothing. I wasted her time, she'll never forgive me for that.

At least I'm alive, it's what counts, right?

Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Do You Love Me?

Chapter Text

— There you are! – Of all places to go, and you stand at the top of a ceiling, near the border... – You'll never get away from me, right?

— I promise nothing. – A woman of a few words. Quiet as usual, except... Maybe too quiet. What happened at the table sure had an effect on Freya.

— I was looking for you.

— And I'm looking for Vivi, don't you see? – Freya doesn't have hawk eyes, neither do I.

— From this distance? – So I sit and take a side near the lady. We stand here like we did at the Red Rose ship, watching what was left from Cleyra. Not a pleasant view at all. To think of a mere pull and it's all done for both of us. – So, could you explain what happened in the breakfast room? Why have you acted so foolish? That was not you at all, Freya! You and Beatrix, the strife between you two, so sudden.

— Yes. All of sudden... Things happen all of sudden, do they? The difference between Beatrix and a storm, is that she had control of every single one of her actions.

— Don't you think you've been a bit harsh with Bea?

— I was being realistic.

— Realistic? With all that talk?

— You were in Burmecia. You're as much witness of all atrocities as I.

— Thing is, I am not quite like you. Sure, we have tails, but... – She doesn't even look at me. Know when someone is so angry yet calm? I call it the nirvana of anger, you reach a state of peacefulness and I hate that look on Freya's face. – Come on! Since ever the voice coming from the heart is the realistic one? Is that your excuse for bashing that way?

— At least, I have one heart. – Quiet, and lucid. That's the Freya I know. – And I had to say something. The dead don't talk.

— If they talked, wouldn't they say 'move on? Past is past?'I don't understand why you insist so much. Do not make others suffer for your personal hatred.

— It's different this time, Zidane. I can't just move on, forget what Beatrix did to me, and my people. All this perversity and no punishment brought, the one that monster deserved the most.

— Tell me, what does she deserve? – Freya doesn't seem to be looking for Vivi, not at this height. She looks frightened, and doesn't want anyone to notice.

— I...I have no idea. One day you're buying coffee seeds in the market, walking with your kids at the park, brushing your mother's flaxen hair, counting the shells left behind by crystal snails in the wall, making out in a hidden place... Then, swords are drawn out the sheets and they kill you for no reason. People that had no way of defending themselves. Please, don't tell me that if you have been born with claws, you can defend yourself from any harm. Please don't.

— ...So, what are you gonna do? Keep pounding each other til you're both dead? Sounds like a really stupid idea, and you aren't of the kind who takes these lightly. Maybe there's some other way... Remember, when we were roomies? We'd always find a way to talk things through. Back then, we did a pretty good job at solving problems and working things out.

— I remember, very well. – She says it in a kind of nostalgic tone. – How I cherished those evening talks, but I was the voice of reason. You... You've changed, Zidane.

— How we've changed, Freya. – Always changing, like the clouds above.

— You were a brat, it's what I meant to say. A cute brat wanting to be better than me on everything.

— Cute, you said...

— In past tense.

— Is it?... – Guess that pause answers on its own. – Well, I'm not here to find that out. I'm here because I care for you, Freya. You're far from being a valuable party member. I mean, I know you, I find it amazing what you do. I'm honored to be your friend and all. Remember the Festival of Hunt, I thought I'd win the first prize, but you did. Well, you deserved it. Though, you jumped quite a lot, so...

— What's up, monkey boy? Wanted the first prize that bad? – Monkey boy... I haven't been called that name for ages.

— No, it's just that... Uh, is that even allowed? Wasn't it against the rules for you to jump around, going from district to district faster than others walking on their feet?

— I need my feet to jump. Anyone does, if you want to know.

— Yes, but-

— Anything is allowed, except defeat. Oh, I see... You're like this because you got defeated by a girl, right?

— Nah, it ain't about it! – Good to see Freya relaxed and all, but why do I feel an Oglop just got into my throat?

— It sure is. Deal with it. No resentments, okay? It's not like I kicked you in the butt or something.

— Well, you threatened to go to the pub.

— For good old times sake, Mr. Tribal.

— The good old times... So, what is with your people kicking butts?

— We, Burmecians, like to fight. That's a thing we have done since we were children. When little, that was my secret move.

— Kick in the butt?

— Yeah, not everyone who got kicked in the crotches fainted already. It's a thing I'd known in my youth days. Then, I began to feel sad for the boys, even those who deserved it. I asked father why it hurt to kick a boy's crotch, why I felt this sudden guilty, and we had that talk. You know which one. I was seven, and being raised as a family daughter, little I knew, never saw a... a... Can't even say that right, how do you say?

— Turkey? – I find it funny that I'm about to get slapped, that Freya can't say that word, and that she gasped. That face, too.

— Oh, you! I'd take this dumb smile of yours if you weren't... essential.

— Essential?

— Yeah, yeah... Okay, turkey is fine. It ain't gross or anything like.

Know when you're about to laugh at the most unsuitable moment, and you hold that very laughter so hard your cheeks swollen and feels like you ate something and don't want to swallow? Or when you breathe your laugh out the nose? I can't describe well what I see, other than Freya trying to get out a thing she once found embarrassing and turn it out to be funny

— Hehehe, turkey... Why am I laughing? It's so dumb.

— Blank used to say that a lot. So did my Tantalus fellows. Those guys... wish I could ask for their help to deal with this Kuja, but they have their lives, they have something else to do. Like, I didn't have the best of childhoods. Never felt I was good enough to be a thief, to be someone I was not. It's not everyday the world needs to be saved from a threat like Kuja, I didn't ask for this, but I'm willing to do what I can. I still don't know why, but I don't care. You don't need a reason to help people, but oftentimes, I wish I had one.

— I'll help you as I can, Zidane. – I know I can count on you too, Freya. Is that the reason why I'm here to help? Because I know I can count on another? When I was a thief, it was only me. If I was caught, I had to find a way to escape. No one to help. – So, where was I? Yes, father and I had that talk. He told me about turkeys, birds and bees and flowers and I just wanted to know why it hurt to kick someone in the crotch. Then he explained that the boys are the ones who hold the seeds within the... the...

— The crotches?

— Yes. The thing below the crotches. You know what, don't make me say that.

— The balls?

— Yes… The balls, sheesh. – Hehe, I made Freya say that. She looks annoyed, better not push it. – The many crotches I kicked, I could have been the one responsible for any future damage. To think I lost so many dear friends... Like Dan. That idiot, I kicked him a lot of times, and to my surprise, he married and raised two kids. Two kids, one wife and a good husband, little they had to do with this. All those Burmecian and cleyran people, Zidane, they had lives, their own history. They didn't only die, but their history... Understand?

— I do. But what you did before won't solve anything.

— Then what should I do? What am I supposed to do when there's likely nothing I can do? I yell. Yes, that was a desperate move, I agree. Alexandria is supplying my country, my home, with all the food, bricks and money it has to offer, and that's how I retribute all this gratitude? With my voice, the voice that speaks for millions?... And, at times, I feel all the kindness doesn't compensate for anything as it should. Yes, we'll find Kuja, then what? The damage is done.

— Kuja is planning something bigger, it's all I know. He may have done enough damage, but I've learned since young that no such evil is left without consequences. We will show it to that bastard.

— Yes. If we meet again. I'll make him swallow my spear the other way round! – Now that's gross, even Freya agrees. – It's been a long time since we had a casual talk like this, am I right? With all those battles, all that noise, keeping us from each other, Zidane...

— Know, Freya, you are one in a million.

— Hey, when did I hear that talk before? Oh, it was you. No, won't fool me this time. Last time you did, you almost stole my wallet and a kiss.

— Yeah, sure. That was my way of living.

— It still is. Wallets and hearts, you'd steal these all day. Almost got mine, but I already had one.

— A wallet?

— No, Zidane. A heart. – I recall Freya said something about trying to find Vivi before, by standing at the very top of Lindblum... like the old days where she was searching for her boyfriend. I thought Fratley was only a boyfriend. – Is it possible to steal a heart, anyway? When I look at Fratley, I... have I told you about what happened one of those days I was looking for him? Years ago, I asked a guy on the street if he knew Sir Fratley, to which he pointed and said 'Well, why don't you go to the graveyard?'

— And what you said? Have you kicked his butt?

— No, I had to be polite and leave, but I really wanted to, Zidane.

— How many of these people have you met in your journey?

— If I could count... maybe I don't want to. It's been so long trying to find Fratley's whereabouts. Now that I've found it, well... I'm about to give up at times, but would Sir Fratley give up on my place? No, he wouldn't. He was strong, smart, handsome... I wanted to be like him, have the same courage and audacity. I'd like to tell him what I feel, he never knew. He'll never know, because it ain't what I feel for him today.

— Stop fooling yourself, lady! – I never understood what she felt for Fratley. Maybe it's because I was a kid, so did Freya in a way. – You do love him, don't you?

— I... I don't know, When I tried to talk to him, life did its way to tear us apart. Dragon attack, the King's calling out all knights, in bed with flu for a week... We weren't made for each other, but I felt something. He'd be there to see me improve my skills, my persistence, my will to become as Dragoon Knight as he was. I know he felt the same, but we never said, addressed each other's feelings for one another. And just when I was about to straight to his eye that I loved him, he left home, said that the kingdoms were about to be sucked in war, and that he'd do something to prevent the conflict from ever happening. Sir Fratley... He'd always put duty over all responsibilities in life.

— Somehow, he found time to teach how to jump that tall. – I always envied her capacity for doing those huge leaps. – one day you could teach me how to do it, how's that?

— Oh well... Maybe one day, Zidane. Maybe one day...

— What's it? You're with the head on clouds.

— I always am. The world looks so different from the skies than on earth. It's just... Wish I could go home. It's been a while.

— Five years.

— Yeah, five years. For this long I've been outside Burmecia. What if they needed me? I'm not even there to help... had these thoughts during my quest, and so they come back to haunt me.

— Look at the bright side, you know new people. Help them as you could.

— You mean you?

— Yeah, me included.

— If I really was of any help, wouldn't you think I'd make the difference?

— Freya... – I really don't like this loser talk at all.

— All I did that day was earn a prize for killing beasts that were not threatening anyone. Beasts that were there to be slaughtered in front of millions so their insignificant and bitter lives had, if not for a single moment, meaning and a sweet flavor.

— And what about that giant Zaghnol that almost ran over two kids at the main square?

— Yeah, excluding that... I did nothing exceptional. At Burmecia, I killed dragons larger than this room, and I was really doing something. When I do what I did, the Zaghnol fight you mentioned, well... I feel like myself, that's good, but where's my compassion? My effort? I feel like I'm doing nothing at all. Anyone could do that in my place, it's what I mean. Sir Fratley knew what he was doing when he left home. When he left me alone... I thought he'd stay, that I was reason enough for him to stay. Well, I was not. I promised to myself that I wouldn't come back home empty-handed... Sigh.

That face... everywhere we went by, Freya wore that helmet. Seeing her without it, her hair wavy like the ocean and it's waves... The wind cracking her petrified skin, and those eyes... just seem kind of sad. The kind of sad I saw on Freya, and only. She carries the sort of eyes that stare off into the horizon's end. Eyes that refuse to see the shore spread out right in front of her... at this point, I don't know why I have been chasing her for so long. I have nothing to offer, and in exchange, she gives me those eyes. I refuse to stare at them any longer, or else I'll be dragged away by them. Too late... if we've been so close with that red helmet covering her true colors... I'm just drawn to her so strongly, though nothing beyond a shoulder to cry on ever happened.

— So... the ends do not justify the means. Not for me. Like, have I been fighting for so long... Only to lose? Lose everything, even opportunities? How much I wanted to lead a normal life, Zidane... But to fight like a warrior, it's in the family's blood. No, I don't want to leave the party. I have issues dealing with Kuja too. Even if the man itself is not that important, I... We can't let him roam free anymore. This might be our last chance to do what we should have done... Or else, the entire world, everything we know...

— I'm sure we have a chance. – It's a beautiful day, if I ignore Freya's ominous speech. I don't, because if I do, there'll be no more days like this. – With you at the party...

— Me?

— Yeah... You and the others – 'united we stand, divided we fall'; it's the saying.

— Has someone else been worried about me? Other than you...

— Well... – I would not worry as I do, Freya, but yes. They miss you. – Everyone. Steiner got very upset after you said those things to Beatrix and he's worried about you. So does Eiko, she finds you fascinating, both mice and a lady. A tall lady, she said. Quina even checked her food to see if there was not anything wrong with it. Garnet is struggling for all nations to come in terms with each other, and there's no one who represents Burmecia better than you do. I haven't heard much out of Fratley, he seems more worried to himself than he does with others. I'd be too, had I lost all my memories.

— Sir Fratley always put himself above others, before this unfortunate event...

— I'm impressed Amarant cares for one of its teammates. – And to think of the first time Freya and Amarant met, they almost beat the crap out of each other in the middle of the street. – Beatrix, well... I wonder if you two could reconcile with one another, it ain't healthy.

— Hmmm... I'll leave that for later. – It's all in your hands, Freya. I won't interfere in anything. – The skies... Remember? We were sitting at Cleyra's observatory. It was a beautiful day, like this.

— Yes. I do remember. Never thought you were that good of a dancer.

— A good dancer? Me? – Freya disguises her pain one time and another with a smile.

— Good, I said? No way! You were incredible!

— Really?

— Of course!... Sorry if I haven't said anything about it. – How long has it been since we had a moment with one another? I think it was a long time ago. My opportunity to steal her heart, if I could not get her wallet. I never got any out of her, but that look...

— You wanted to see if I fit in a peach dress, didn't you? – Freya was not the first girl who has awakened something in me. Something I still don't understand, because I love Garnet, not her. – Come on, I was joking.

— Yes, yes. Joking... – I just want to know if she's alright. I never felt I had a real home, Freya stood far away from her own... I thought we were related somehow, other than having a pair of tails.

— It's a beautiful day. – The calm before the storm, she meant to say. – It's going to rain.

— How do you know?

— Look. – So Freya pointed to the sky. – Those wispy, featherly wing-shaped clouds faraway, they're called cirrus. With those around, there's a chance of rain. A chance, but now it's just so quiet, so peaceful, like nothing is happening... We ignore the unexpected at these times, like I did so. I could not bring peace to Burmecia and thus fulfill Sir Fratley's wish. With all my heart, I told myself I would protect Cleyra. I failed twice.

— You know what else is unexpected? That Fratley and a few others are alive. – I hope that statement cheers her mood.

— Yes, a few others... – It's hard to make her happy, isn't it? I feel a bit of disdain in Freya's words too, like Fratley being alive being more painful than good news. – Zidane... What if you could bring peace and prosperity to the entire world, but only at the cost of your own personal well being?

— What? – That, too, was unexpected.

— I mean, we have all put our lives on the line many times to stop world-threatening meanaces, but it occurs to me that we rarely tried to do anything to cure the world from the ills.

— We do what we can. There are no simple ways to eliminate want or fear. These aren't things you can fight against with bare fists alone.

— Right, Zidane, but... What if you could make the world a paradise, but never be able to enjoy it yourself? – That's a question I never thought I'd answer. Freya goes from optimistic to hopeless, like she's about to jump this ledge to reach the other side, or give herself into gravity. Poor thing...

— Honestly... I don't know. Life can't be given up lightly, unless... If I truly were to save the world, to sacrifice myself in the process, there could be no room for doubt. I'd have to be certain that it would work! Also, when did we come to this talk? Freya, you are not thinking about...

— No! – An immediate response, followed by a widening of eyes, and the drop of a startled jaw – Of course not. Kill myself, why?

— I mean, of all places to choose, you go at the top of a ceiling...

— Zidane... I spent five years with that very thought in mind. It was a choice I was tempted to take, but never did. You showed me the other way.

— Did I?

— You did. I felt restless, adrift... like a balloon in a hurricane. I only seemed to have thoughts for Sir Fratley, living to find that man, like I didn't love him as much as I'd love to see everyone's faces when I brought him back home. I could not live only with that man's thoughts in my head, or with the shame of leaving the Dragoon's rank for the sake of an only person that I was not even sure I loved. I don't mean Fratley, but myself. I felt so out of love that I tried to find it in someone else, and then you came and showed me that people don't own love, or steal it. Instead, they share it. And whose Love is stronger than the one we have for living each day, Zidane?

We hold hands, as we watch Lindblum from above. A single gesture, yet so tender and gentle...

I felt something for Freya the first time we met. I mistook it for love, and indeed, it was.

I was mistreated, didn't know if being a thief was who I was born to be.

She was lonely, missing the certainty of her iron cage.

There we sit, almost like meditating. In Trance.

Soon we'll have to get out of this single state and walk through the great turmoil of the world and try to learn, make sense of it.

It isn't easy to open a cage, and expect an animal who has been raised all its life, in confinement, to handle freedom.

It's one thing to open the door. Another to leave the cage.

And, if there's a thing Freya and I... A thing we both had in common... We showed each other how to love life.

Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Pheidippides

Chapter Text

Flowers were meant to bloom. Flowers are meant to wither. One man seeks his place in history. One man eventually gets lost.

Why the effort? Why endure the pain of living? How does one flower find its way to survive the harshest of Winters?

How does one man find the strength to stand before the terminal frost?

There's one thing the devil himself can't touch, and it's called Spirit.

In this frozen land, Life has a blind faith in itself...

...

January 20th, 1800

...

...Nothing.

I see nothing.

An injury wounded my eyes. I... I didn't feel anything. Didn't scream, yelled or cried.

I feel no pain, no cold, nothing. Every step I take either leads me to Heaven or Hell. The last real thing I saw, if that could be real... My house, like many others, was on flames. The fire kept burning and the smoke kept rising, merging into the leaden sky. Sweet smell of great sorrow lies over the land of Burmecia.

I won't come empty-handed. I'll tell 'em I have defeated lots of Grand Dragons. One of them took my vision away, but the brains, the guts... they're still here.

They will say that I lied. When I tell them what I saw, what happened at Burmecia... I won't lie. I'm bringing proof... myself. This bite mark in my left shoulder, it's enough proof of my doing. My body, whether I'll be... no, no yet. I'm not tired, three days and four nights awake... I had no reason for sleeping since I've been living this nightmare.

'Don't come closer', I said, and they came closer. I said, I said, and pleaded 'Stay away'. They didn't hear me.

They had no ears, no mouths. Neither eyes, just yellow dots. Little, emotionless dots. Had I not opened the door... I wasn't really expecting for someone to come home. Little Donny always wanted to become a Dragoon Knight. He'd wait to grow older to carry a weapon.

'Wanna grow? Gotta eat', I told the boy. Had to say something, rarely I'm at home, working all day as a knight.

'What's up, dad? You look like a doll', he said. This time I noticed. The weight of an entire day of duty...

Just... just how far I am from civilization? What's that thing coming out of the clouds? So shining, warm and big...

Is that... the sun? Never saw it. I've spent my entire life in Burmecia, land of Eternal Rain and liquid dreams. When I was born, mom took care of me, fed me, became a soldier, showed off at parades, celebrations and parties of any kind. With this single knife, I have put order, stabbed dragon chests and cut the meal of my kids. Didn't want to have kids, just to have some fun with a girl who looked over me one of these days. We dated, swimmed without clothes on a lake, touched her star, and they came. Geez, how many kids are brought by a single lady, they are that little. I had names for all of the nine mice, a few were never used. By few, I mean seven, that truly was awful, I thought they were fine and them... but Ellen and I, we took care of the two, Donny and Clara.

Hope they are fine. I swear, I... I find it weird how an entire life can be summed in a few words. I find it... kinda sad. You don't live life like counting everything you do and shouldn't before dying. To think we could die at any minute... No, I won't die, not yet. The red smudge in my chest, the hundred stabs at back, the rocks between my toes, nothing can stop me.

Has it been days since I left home? Since those things came in? No, three hours... I stood three hours out of home. There was a day I stood, like, two days out. Worked hard, broke my back, and I got nothing but the usual. I worked twice I could, sweated more than it could fill a bottle, and received nothing. I did it for Clara, my little Clara. She coughed, got sick by the rain, the rain that never goes away.

Pneumo something, she got. At that age, those little lungs... hated hearing those coughs every night, the only time I stood home. 'Da...da da da...da da... Duck', that was her first word. Duck. When I thought she'd say something else... something like, like... cough! Is that coffee, or blood? Doesn't matter, I'm almost there. I guess. No, I believe I'll be there, reaching the Kingdom of Lindblum. They, they... help...

Cough!... Cough cough cough! Can't walk, it pains to crawl, crawl... They crawled under the table. Donny and Clara. Ellen made some tomatoes, lettuce, and onions. Lunch for the kids. She was at the kitchen, they were in the kitchen. Someone knocks the door, Ellen opens, and sees a faceless man. A man who shouldn't be called a man. A thing with dots for eyes. Yellow like... like fire. Ellen looked through and got burned. Donny yelled, Clara cried, and I stabbed the creature. No time to think, must act.

I... I should have acted before Ellen... before my wife, someone minding his business, cooking for children... her food was very good. Too bad I can only feel the taste of iron in my mouth. The bitter taste of not staying home, really helping my people. Instead, I left, telling my comrades I'd find help. Crossed Gizamaluke's Grotto between hordes of my friends and those... those things. Mages tainted in black, wearing pointy steeple hats, drawing life out my friends.

It... it didn't even matter if they, they... my friends, they don't care, all the mages said was 'Kill'. Kill in the name of who? Why kill? What do I earn by killing? A common Burmecian soldier would ask. A common man, coming home for his family, laying on bed and look at the ceiling, everywhere I look is so bright and dark and... and I'm lost... I lost so much. Poor Ellen, she had no way of deviating. What did she did wrong? She... we once tried to cheat on a mortgage, things weren't a wonder, and that's it. That's what she did. We did.

Donny... I'd wait for him to grow, his mother would be there to feed him and make him stronger, not that I can do it on my own. I... I do things on my own. It was my decision to come here, maybe the last... can't reach out the stairs, they're too big. But I... I won't let them mock me. Won't be humiliated by those stairs. Stairs, Black Mages... were these things man made? How many stairs kill, that's scary. I broke a leg, but that's it. I thought I'd have to cut the leg, but I recovered from the fall. A fall... that could have killed me. And I was a kid. Running around stairs.

Now I'm an adult with burns on my face, scars on my back... a Burmecian asking for help out of a country, how shameful... but pride doesn't matter when you have no chance. I wonder who has a chance against those... things. They are not human, they were made by humans... I am not human, but I have a family. I am a rat, but I don't eat my sons, I wanna see them grow, I gave them names, and I... I'll give them a future.

What... these people... people around... what are they doing? What are they, they are... watching? They laugh, smile, and cheer before animal cruelty. They look at me and wonder whether or not I am an animal to be stabbed, doesn't matter if I cry, they wanna see blood. Nobles, peasants, pigs in cages, cough!... Cough cough!... I'm not in good shape. I miss you to say otherwise, Ellen. She... she never cared about my peculiarities. Beneath all that armor, I am this skinny. This frail, this coward... no, not coward. Cowards ask to die, they whimper over the face they'll perish, but I... I need to... to...

I can't hear... guards... took me... inside. Who... who's on top? The King?... Yeah, the King. I gave my family's life to a King that gave nothing back. A coward hiding in its Palace's walls. Soon they'll crumble like the rest, but in this case, I don't care. Let them crumble. However, there are people, people I don't even know if they exist, so they do with my being, that trust the King, that believe the King will be there for aid. He... he only aids himself, eats caviar. My, this scent... never ate caviar in my whole life. Wish I... I could live a bit longer to feel the taste.

Blood... Why am I not afraid of bleeding anymore? I don't know. I have no knowledge of magic. Can't heal myself like they do. Little experience I have. Little I... little I gave to my country. Donny... I'd like to see him grow, carry a weapon, and work together with the old man. Clara... hope her brother takes good care. He knows how to use weapons, but I wish his childhood had not been stripped away in the process.

Not human... Those things were not human. They had no eyes. Corridors of naked lights, eyes too numb to see...

Folks occupied with some festival that little has to offer but a macabre entertainment...

Guards... take me to... to your... your King... then blood. Only blood, can't speak right.

No one speaks right. They make it right. You have the right to kill.

Kill these animals, they won't care.

Kill these rats, they won't care.

Kill me, I won't care.

...But there's someone who does. Someone who don't understand

''I don't understand, daddy'', neither do I, Clara. Neither I...

I don't believe in angels, or devils... What would an angel look like to a rat? A bat?

Heh, good to see I still have a bit of humor left... a tiny bit...

Black humor is what keeps me sane at times like these.

It feels like someone bit my feet. Those Mages, they don't have mouths. They don't bite, they burn. They choke, they drown, they stab, they kill with hands, it's all they know and will ever know...

Wish I knew someone... who looked over and said 'these words are... these words... they are so wrong'. This world... is so wrong. I... the Regent, not King... he ain't the King... not my King. An entire life of rain, Kings, and I... I come to a land of sun, and Regents. I see no difference... I see... can't see...

— Regent!... forgive my intrusion. I... I bring news... from my Majesty, the King of Burmecia. He... we... we need... Cough! Cough!...

Bad feet. Bad bone. Bad lungs. It... it hurts? Why... why can't I feel anything? I don't know... to who I'm talking to. Who are these... these two? They have blood on their hands. They were having fun while I, my people, we were being and still are being...

— ...It's against the Burmecian moral code to ask for help, we do what we can... we, we don't need outsiders. But, this time, it's different, cough! You see...

— My god, an injury has blinded his left eye!

What happened?...And came all the way through.

I don't need needles... I'm in my twenties...

...Stay with us, Donovan!... So many words...

I see nothing, but... is this pain? Am I feeling pain?

I feel... I feel beloved once again.

Someone's holding me, I don't know who, but the voice...

— Lady... Cough cough! Lady Freya?... Is that you? Oh... It's a pleasure to meet you, Freya Crescent.

— He's alive! Don't you worry, we'll get you... you... No! You can't give up, Donovan! Not before I call out Reis to heal your wounds!

— I know... cough! I know better... Life's too precious for one to just not live it. Well, lady... I lived mine.

— Donovan... no matter the pain we're in, no matter how many burdens we have to bear...

I feel desperation in Freya's voice.

First time we met, she's crying all over me.

While I... I feel peaceful. My duty's over.

If only tears could bring me back to life...

If only...

— Donovan... He's gone. It's a miracle that he made this far.

Yeah, truly a miracle... came this far...

Donny... he would like to know Freya. He wanted to become a Dragoon...

He wants to be alive... not like a kid, but unfortunately, like someone afraid... afraid of dying...

To die in a lady's arms... not bad, not bad…


...

February 21st, 1800

...

— Donovan... he has laughed and he has cried. He has fought and he has died. He's just the same as all the rest. He's not the worst, not the best...

— I didn't know you were a poetess. – There are many things you don't know about me, Zidane.

— Well, I do have a lot to improve. – For how long have we been sitting here, on top of this ceiling? I have no idea. As much as I had no idea of what to do with Donovan back then. He passed out before I could heal a single wound of his. – When this is all over, maybe I'll put the Dragoon career behind and do something else with my life.

— Like raising a family? – A family? I haven't thought about it...

— Maybe. In the near future, if there'll be one. – Family is important. I consider my dear friends to be part of the family.

— We don't know. All we can do is make it happen.

— Make it happen. Like Donovan... He walked miles away to inform Lindblum about Burmecia's attack. And then... he died, right before us. Before I could heal a single wound of his.

— Oh yes, we were all devastated. – Zidane tried to help, like everyone else. Garnet, the Regent, Vivi... I wonder where Vivi is at. – This Burmecian dude, Donovan… We just crossed ways to one another. He was in pretty bad shape, but still, we met each other. I mean, what are the chances of that happening ever again?

— It shouldn't ever have happened, to begin with. Had Alexandria not invaded home... Donovan would still be alive, together with his family.

— Well, isn't he? We're just talking about him right now. – When did Zidane become the clever one, instead of an inconsiderate fool?

— Yes, Zidane. We are. – He had to be taught one way or another... funny, now I am the one in need of being taught. – No wonder a man's legacy lives after his demise. And I... I insist on seeing Donovan's last act as a failure. Deep inside... I wish he stood alive. Wish I knew him better, other than a soldier on duty.

— So do I. Though... I already know a little bewildering girl outside knight's duty.

— And who would that be? – I asked, to which Zidane set those lonely eyes on me.

— Guess who? – Oh, you're kidding me...

— You said little, which I'm not! – Is he flirting? No, that's Zidane's way to make me upset, to which he smiles at my seriousness, to which I... Well, I surrender and smile too.

— Whatever. Let's get out of here. We have more important things to do.

— Indeed. – It's good to feel my legs once again. I feel chafed after sitting here for so long, too.

I won't forget you, Donovan. To be forgotten is worse, way worse than death.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Lifedeath II

Chapter Text

Somewhere near the top of Lindblum, in this fetid aerie lies the Fourth Black Waltz, who mumbles and mulls the many losses of his predecessors. A nameless force pulls him closer to a man called Zidane Tribal. Soon he'll meet his demise by the hands of a legion of Black Mages within one's head. Their thoughts are gloomy and leaden, cerulean and shiny as the sky outside...

I am strong, I am smart, I am the Fourth Waltz.

I am the Angel of Death, for I shall takes as many lifes with me.

Kill Zidane... Why is it taking so long?

I have as much time as I want. No, you have not.

Kill Zidane and what comes next? The programming states nothing afterwards.

Should I live? Should I die? No matter. Nothing makes sense. Who needs sense?

Why do I feel? Waltz Number 13 asks.

How you feel? Waltz Number 65's head wonders.

Waltz Number 45, 62 and 36 wants to proceed with caution.

Waltz Number 23, 67 and 72's heads want to leave the bag and have their own bodies.

How I feel... A heavy shadow that twists and flickers like a double image under my skin.

Every move we make, they are here like an echo, twisting things, making things ugly.

It lives just under the skin. I hate it. Why do I hate?

Peel back the benign surface to find a tumor of greed. If you do nothing, you'll lose nothing.

An organism living for happiness, or a machine fearing death?

A vague existence that is betwixt and between, neither here nor here.

The futility of one man trying to find himself in a windstorm of fate...

...

— My, have you seen the size of that vulture? – Said a merchant, who pointed out to the shadowed figure looming the leaden skies.

— That ain't no bird. – A passerby noticed something uncanny above him. He too looked uncanny, by wearing a pointy hat and having a pair of yellow dots for eyes. His name is Vivi Ornitier, and he is in search of a dear friend. – Excuse me, have you seen Puck?

— Pickle? No, I don't sell pickles.

— Puck. He is called Puck.

— Puck? How old is he?

— He is a rat kid. With my size.

— A rat kid, huh? I've seen plenty of them around the neighborhood. – For hours, Vivi has been searching for the Prince of Burmecia. He didn't know at the time he met Puck for the first time at Alexandria.

— He... He has brown fur. – The Black mage described the Burmecian to everyone he met. So far, no one saw Puck or if they did, no one knows for sure where he went.

— Brown fur? That's odd. Most Burmecians I see around are gray. What else?

— He wears ragged clothes. – Desperately, Vivi sought help through Lindblum's three districts. He met some kind people, others who were not so kind at all and people that completely ignored him, or hated him a lot for what he is.

— Ragged clothes? I think I saw this Puck before. Let me see... Oh! He stole one apple and laughed at me with a mouthful of green apple, what a nasty boy.

— That's Puck for you. – Despite being a Black Mage, a living weapon in the eyes of many, Vivi has a kind heart.

— I think he went there. – The merchant pointed to the large avenue. – That's all I know.

— Thank you very much! – Vivi greeted him and left.

...


— ...The eyes of a Black Mage. They do remind me of the eyes of a reptile. So out of life, of thoughts, of anything but pure instinct. Black Mages are born without a will and mind on their own. Born to follow a leader's orders without questioning why. They just do what's from its nature, kill without remorse. Without having any regrets, any guilt, unaware of the right and wrong. Yet, why do they rebel against one's orders? Why do they think if they do not have a brain? Following my thorough research, I came to the conclusion that you don't need a brain in flesh to collect information, acquire thoughts, or preserve memories. In the same way man makes a statue and a painting of himself, man can make a brain on its own, remove and add parts as he wishes. Somewhere, there is a soul, which I'm yet to locate, but the mind... that's the blind spot between the eyes. We strip one's mind down to its primal core, revealing the reptile within each of us. A much finer combat machine, I'd say.

— My, that's... chilling.

— Chilling, you say? Wouldn't you like to get rid of the emotions to become a better soldier? Get rid of phobias and memories that rendered you impotent while in battle?

— I wouldn't like that.

...Who was that man? I thought to myself. Kuja was his name...

— By what I've heard of you, General Beatrix, you killed a hundred folks single handled, isn't that right? A hundred and more. Some weren't even carrying swords... You're quite a reptile yourself.

— That 's enough.

...And my name is Beatrix. Yes, I know my name, but... At the very moment I met Kuja, the first time we met, it was like my very name, anything I did under my name... All of it meant nothing. Nothing outside the programming.

Kuja was interested in knowing about this programming. Mine and the Black Waltzes. He saw no difference between me and my troops and those combat ragdolls. The advantage of a Black Mage against alexandrian soldiers, he said, is that the Mages had support for spare parts. When a lizard loses its tail, they grow another. Though, that's not the only reptile trait Kuja saw on each of us...


...

— ...That's all I know about Kuja, my Majesty. And why I'm willing to help you any way I can. – Tea is good to calm my nerves. Well, not right now.

— You are helping a lot by staying in Alexandria. The people need you. – Yes, Garnet They do. Not as much as I need you, though. – I really appreciate your willingness to assist us, but... I don't mean to invalidate your efforts, Beatrix.

— I see, I see. – My place is Alexandria, after all. But... – There's still a lot to do. More than one person can handle it.

— How are things at home? It's been a while... – Never that Garnet stood so long out of Alexandria. I do miss home too, but not as much as her.

— The masons have fixed most of the damaged structures. It'll take some time until everything is back to normal. – At least, normal at Alexandria. The entire world is a wreck right now. To think I'm the one to blame...

— That's good. Very good. – Garnet cried in silence. Tears of joy fell down her face. – When everything's solved, I'll make a party and invite everyone from Alexandria to be in. It'll be a great way to celebrate our victory against Kuja. Yes, eventually we will find and bring him to justice.

— Eventually? Justice? Kuja doesn't know justice, my Majesty. – I appreciate Garnet's devotion and optimism. However... – Our laws are meaningless to his kind. None of what we do really matters to Kuja. We're just things he moved around to hurt, and we allowed that to happen for so long...

— I know what bothers you, Bea. – By that moment, it is as if Garnet could look right through me. – You are unsure whether what happened at Burmecia and Cleyra was your doing or not. It really wasn't. Well, not entirely, but you see-

— I really don't know who to blame. I hate Kuja, I hate Brahne, I hate myself... I can't just hate everyone. – To hate myself I already do.

— To stay mute while time pass won't solve anything. – I'm glad to hear Garnet's voice. She has been a good listener of my worries. – I wonder why it is taking so long. Weren't we supposed to go to the Forgotten Continent right away?

— Steiner and the others are loading the Blue Narcissus. Regent Cid is watching his men test the Hilda Garde III engine. Your friend Vivi is still missing... It's not that simple, my Majesty. – And now I see through Garnet's worries.

— I know. About Hilda Garde III... It's amazing the engineers of Lindblum were able to figure out a way to make an airship move without being fueled by the Mist.

— Truly amazing. In fact... I do miss the Mist. The plains were filled with monsters, the nature of this continent unseen by many, but the Mist has been here for so long we think it's not going to disappear, and then one day... it's all gone. – Like my dignity, and a sweet tea.

— I understand. – With Garnet's belief in me, I still have an ounce of dignity left. We all need someone to believe we can do our best. My Majesty looks around in search of someone. – Wonder where's Zidane?


— Vivi... Vivi!... Vivi! VIVI! – I yell, yell and yell and no one hears me. Maybe the whole Lindblum heard me already. I can't even leave the Castle on my own to look for Vivi, how great! It's not like I miss him, but... everyone does. So do I. Oh, this is maddening me! A lady like me doesn't deserve to be mad! AAAAAH!

— Is that you, Eiko? – Yes, Zidane. That's me if you could not tell already. – What are you doing?

— I'm looking for that guy with the pointy hat.

— You mean Vivi. – Oh, hello there, Lady Freya.

— I won't say his name again! I said it a lot of times before and I'm done! I'll lose my siren's voice, or is it serene? Whatever, I'm tired, and fed up. They won't let me go outside, why? Because I am a kid? Heck yeah, I'm a kid with a horn, see? With this horn, you see it, I can call Phoenix to burn everything and lift up the fainted ones on my own, but you people and society think I'm a poor and defenseless kid like the rest, not just a lady and...

— Calm down, young miss. – I heard Lady Freya giggle. That's not usual for her. – That way, I can't keep up with your million thoughts a second.

— Yeah, if you keep thinking a lot, your brain might blow up. – Blow up, Zidane? I can already feel the faint smoke scent of my thoughts coming out my ears. My, what have I become? I feel old, and I hate it.

— I'm worried about Vivi. I mean, what if he is lynched by the angry folks down there? What if he forgot to hydrate himself with water? What if he got lost and ended up losing its memories and he no longer remembers who he is?

— Maybe we could go together to search for Vivi, why not? – The rat lady suggested.

— Yay! I wanna go with you, Lady Freya! – I am so happy! Finally I'll be leaving this Castle, I'm no damsel in distress. A bit in distress but no such thing as damsel. Then I noticed something I haven't before... – Hey! Lady Freya... Mister Zidane... Yer hands got glued?

— What? – Zidane and Freya... holding hands!? Am I seeing things? No, I'm not!

— Zidane! Just when I thought of you and me... I can't believe it!

— Whoa, calm down! I-I can explain, Eiko. – Zidane looks nervous. Freya is serious, but with blushed cheeks. They both look nervous anyway.

— You better explain. – I crossed my arms and tapped my feet in the universal pose of demanding an explanation. – How crude of you.

— You are too young for these things, young summoner. – Young summoner, he said. Me, young?

— Yeah, I might be young but I'm not a fool! Tsk tsk... Cheating on me, I mean, Garnet... how crude and despicable and inconsiderate of you! – I have no words to say... Wait, I do! I do have a lot to say, but since I am a young miss, I'll be at my utmost respectful. – I'm disappointed with you, Zidane. At least you got a cutie like Lady Freya at your side. You better not break Freya's heart like you did with mine-uh, I mean, Garnet's. Treat her right!

— Eiko... – Freya looked down on me, I feel her disappointment. She looks like grandpa. – We're just holding hands.

— AHA! Got you! Fooled ya! I thought your hands were glued, but you're holding at will! You to have a thing with one another.

— Excuse me, what? Nothing's going on between us. – Zidane can't take me serious.

— We're just friends. – Neither Freya can.

— Friends to lovers? – I asked. Maybe they're hiding something.

— Nope. – Zidane just said.

— Friends. That's all we are. – And Freya nodded.

— Oh, isn't it? I thought... you two... uh... I'm sorry. – I am so confused! Jumping to conclusions yet again, darn!

— It's okay. I'll tell you something, miss... – So Lady Freya kneel before me and whispered something in my ears. Something about how Zidane helped sort out her thoughts and feelings. That warms my heart.

— Is that true, Lady Freya? Mouse word?

— Mouse word. – If it's a mouse's words, then it's true.

— Oooooh, Zidane... That's very kind of you! You're such a considerate gentleman. I'll forgive you... this time.

— Don't look at me. – Zidane said as Lady Freya stared at him with an ungrateful pair of judging eyes. – I've been thinking about my bothersome attitude with women, beginning with the way I treated Garnet.

— You don't need to tell me you did it because you felt insecure. – A pair of eyes that came from judging someone to being sincere. – We're all insecure at some level. We all think ''Maybe the other person has gotten bored with me.'' You think, ''maybe he's looking at other women, maybe my conversation does not interest him anymore, maybe... Maybe I need to act differently to get his attention''.

— Who are you talking about, Lady Freya?

— No one, Eiko. It was an example – Uh huh. That speech felt too personal to be just 'an example'. I find Freya terribly boring because of the way she sounds all serious at times, but that's her overcoming her insecurities, and that's admirable.

— Talk about melodrama. – A shadowy figure said in a slow tone, laying against the wall. It was a blue man with an awful red wig. I thought it was a wig the first time I met him, long ago... He saved me from being kidnapped at Treno by a four-armed guy, or something.

— Didn't notice you here, Amarant. – Yeah, Amarant. That's his name.

— You don't need to. I am an optional fighter, after all. – Amarant spoke like a drunk poet. At least I knew he was drunk. Bad smell!

— That's an euphemism for 'I am too lazy to care for my comrades'. – Lady Freya said, acknowledging his presence. If it was for me, I would not even notice Amarant was there, laying against the wall. Does he have back problems? Who knows? Amarant is so shady he blends with darkness. He won't talk to anyone unless he's like 'I exist... somehow'.

— I'm not lazy. I'm just being introspective.

— All the time? – Lady Freya laughed at the icy blue Amarant. – Have you got any deep statements that will forever change our lives?

— Not really. I've been thinking about my Victory pose. Just as the battle ends, everything happens so quick I don't even have time to, you know... strike a pose.

— Way of being introspective. – Lady Freya loves to poke fun at the red-haired face. Almost forgot Amarant is red-haired but nowhere pretty as one.

— What else can I say? After battle, everything fades to black and I have no idea if I was even that useful.

— You are useful as long as we stay together. – Zidane said with a gallant voice. He keeps talking about staying together and friendship a lot recently. He must have had a lonely childhood, like we all did.

Thinking about it... Everyone I know has a sort of lonely childhood. Including me, the last Summoner of Madain Sari... we have Zidane, who lived its life without knowing his past; we have Vivi, who lived without knowing he was born to kill; Garnet, who lived her life inside a castle, eh... I don't know much about Steiner, but I heard he got rescued by a knight at war, and that very knight inspired him to become one as well; Quina lived with frogs in head for a long while, Freya is the only Dragoon Knight I know besides Fat-Fret-Fraley-Fratz... that guy she had a crush with, and Amarant is the only blue man I know... we're all alone, but somehow united. Maybe it's just a silly thought of mine that no one can understand, not even myself!

— ...Whatever. See you at Ipsen Castle. – And so Amarant left. I don't like his guts.

— Will we leave without Vivi? – I asked. We can't just leave Vivi roaming around this huge kingdom, can we?

— Of course not. We're a team. – Zidane said once again. I think I'm fed up with him saying teamwork a lot. I know we need to stay together in order to win, but please. I already got it. If I didn't love him, I mean, I cared for him a lot...

— I see. Hey, Dragoon lady! Wanna help me find out where Vivi is? – I pointed at Lady Freya, calling out for her personal assistance. – He's been missing for so long and I don't know what could happen to poor Vivi guy. And I can't leave this castle on my own! Gosh, I feel so useless...

— ...Mind if we take a ride around the Kingdom? – Lady Freya asked, to which I agreed.

— Yes! – Would I ever deny my only opportunity of leaving this place? – Hey, Zidane. Tell Garnet that I'm out looking for Vivi with the Dragoon lady, okay?

— Okay. – Zidane said as I climbed upon Lady Freya's back. I think I am too old for this, but it'll be fun.

— Here we GO! – Lady Freya shouted as she jumped from outside the window like an apple falling from a tree. My hair gusts back with the wind.

— No wait I am not ready Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!...

Chapter 10: Chapter 10: Exit Fratley

Chapter Text

— That's it. I'm leaving. – I put my clothes inside the bag, alongside all the stuff I need in order to survive this mad world. Potions, hi-potions, ethers, stimulants, cornucopias... Everything I need, while Amarant watches in silence, leaning against a wall. – I feel sick of standing here, in this sunny land, doing nothing and no one's favors. Perhaps, if I go back home, I'll be more useful.

— Yes, the best you could do is leave indeed... Bullshit! – Despite not being a man of smiles, I can feel Mr. Amarant laughing at me right now. – You just came back from the dead and want to throw everything away because you are not satisfied? Think you'll be more useful in a desolate land Burmecia finds itself at?

— What do you mean? – I asked the blue man, who sheds of an elder's wisdom level of arrogance.

— Tough as a roach, eh? Because you feel so insignificant, like a crushed bug on the wind. Always escaping everything, aren't you?

— I'm not escaping. I said I am-

— Leaving, uh huh. Without telling others. – Amarant interrupted me with eloquent disregard for my attitude. – Like you did five years ago.

— Five years ago?

— Yes. When you said ''I feel sick of standing here in this rainy and fetid land, doing nothing and no one's favors. Perhaps, if I save the whole world, I'll be more useful.''

— They don't need to know. Zidane and the others... They won't even notice I left. They could not care less.

— Sure! They couldn't care less for the Legendary Burmecian Dragoon, Sir Fratley Irontail. – I am fascinated by Amarant Coral's gratuitous sarcasm. – Seriously buddy, what do you want to prove? That by leaving they will come at you and plead 'No, no! Please, don't leave! You are important! We care for you a lot!'

— I have nothing to prove. I am leaving Lindblum, and that's my decision! – Normally I do not yell at others, but Amarant is a separate case.

— Well, guess I am not the only one in here who has sharp claws... – Hope that previous outburst settles the Flaming Amarant down. But knowing him better, I just poured fuel on the fire. – Can you say at least why you're leaving? You are too old for teenagehood's skirmishes.

— I don't feel safe here. That's all. – I said, in all honesty. I sat on bed, feeling all the invisible pressure. Tied into chains of expectation... – It's like everyone's watching me, like I am doing something wrong just by standing in here. No more I am the Sir Fratley of before, but hey! I'm still alive. Yet I don't feel useful in this team we're in. They don't call me for the big fights, they don't seem to notice me, and to be fair, I'm feeling dislocated, sort of how I felt when I was growing up to become someone in life.

— And I thought you were raised a warrior... Way to inspire someone. – I feel like Amarant is here to mock me, but he has a point. – So, what do you want?

— What do I want? That's what I'm about to find out. I mean, this place, these people, the way they speak of the world outside, of their battles and conquests, this Kuja who is an alien from another planet... Utter madness. I feel like I can't keep up with their pace. I need some time in reality. This feels more like a fantasy island than anything that really matters.

— Dude, you are a humanoid rodent. My skin is blue. We live in a land of machines and steam. You were born in a land where it rains eternally, nonstop. And yet you want to spend some time in a grounded reality without any worries... Who's living on a fantasy island here, eh? – Amarant is pissed at me, it's been confirmed. In a way, he seems to care about me, but in another he does not give a shit. – I do want to live in stillness too. But that won't be a thing if we don't kick this Kuja's butt, and to hell with Zidane's party! We do what we can, on our own. That's how we live. Or, in this case, survive. Understood?

— ...I want to feel like myself. For once I want to feel like I'm really doing something. – I could not stop looking at my own knees while listening to Amarant. He is an enigmatic man who rarely opens himself to others. That, or he's trying to inspire me. Like how a leader would do... Like how Zidane would do. Or maybe he wants to prove himself superior to Zidane, but do I even care? I have my own problems, isn't that enough?

— If so, why don't you tell others that you're leaving? There are a few who care about you, me not included. Come on, it'll only take ya just a few minutes to lash it out and you're gone for good.

— I don't want them to be bothered by my own petty problems. – I took a heavy sigh, with the walls closing in around me. – But I also want to stay! And that's weird, because I do want to leave and live my life. Sometimes, I wish I was dead so I didn't had to choose. What's wrong with me?

— Oh!... What a fool I am. Now I know what's wrong with you, Frat. – Amarant crossed his arms and looked at me with a wintry stare. – It's Freya, right? Freya, that pretty. How she hates the weakness and frailty, the timidity and restraint in you. How much it mirrors her own. How she wishes you could be a hero behind closed doors.

— Freya and I... We've changed so much. I used to think I was special. But, underneath all the lies and acting, I'm just like everyone else.

— Oh, I see. Love has ruined you, it made you feel soft and therefore, fragile. It's all Freya's fault. You two have quite a cumbersome relationship, so now you think you have the right to collapse? – Amarant Coral, life counselor... It's all I needed. – Think you've been throught the worst, tough guy? You think surviving a broken heart and a shattered soul makes you strong and special? All that remains of your person, your being are pathetic, desolate emotional debris. You're broken and dead inside. It'll never be right again. Face it up and kill yourself, or stand up, slay the dragon and isn't that what heroes do? The one Fratley I heard about used to be Freya's hero.

— Used to. I'm no longer Freya's hero, but a shadow of myself. – I think I already have heard long enough. With my spear at back and all my needed supplies inside a bag, I can find some peace in my troubled life

— One more thing. – Before I leave the room, Amarant blocks the way. – The world needs a champ, because it's already full of whiny losers. You say you are no longer the Fratley of before, but whatever, it's your choice for who or what you want to be in life. What I can't ignore is that, as long as you dwell in yourself, in your own petty problems... You will drag others as well to the hole you dug, and you won't solve that by going away, ain't that simple buddy.

— Ever since when you cared for your comrades?

— Dunno. Maybe I'm the only adult here. – He said, breathing the air of superiority. Amarant is so cool he makes a grand exit by walking through a hallway in silence.

In regards of what Mr. Amarant told me, I think it's time to reflect a bit more before making my decision. Ah, what the hell, there's no need to. I already made my decision. Lindblum's Castle feels empty. My footsteps made a noise as if I was wearing high heels by walking through every single inch of corridor until I reached the exit. Enough hallways… life isn't made of a linear path.

— Sir Fratley? – Funny how life works. Now it's Zidane's turn to block the way out. – Where are you going?

— He wants to jump out of the boat. – Look, Amarant is here as well.

— Is that true, Fratley? You leaving? – Zidane is surprised, if not a bit disappointed. He never looked at me as if I had any sort of potential in this team, though.

— I should have told you, Zidane. I'm sorry… But that's a thing I must do.

— You don't need to. This is your place, think better.

— I've been thinking, and I came to the conclusion that I can't stay. – I said, pretending that with all my quietness and distress, I already have told everyone about how I feel by staying here. – More than ever, Burmecia needs a hero. But Burmecia ain't my place! It's where I was born, where I lived, where I was useful. Then I left home because I thought I could save the entire world, like you folks want to by beating Kuja's butt, but the world remains the same. I have changed a lot and I don't know if I can keep up with this anymore…

— I don't get it. Do you want to leave or not? You look confused. – Zidane tries to understand how messed up I am.

— Do you stay, go or become a Hare Krishna? – While Amarant sees me as a joke, I know he also wants me to stay too. Instead, I ended up turning my back as I reached for the bridge. From a distance, I can hear Amarant's faint complaints. – It's no use, Zidane. Dude's been a loner his entire life, think he'll turn over his old habits with a single conversation? Hell no.

— Wait. – Zidane reached for my shoulder, as Amarant and I walked away in opposite directions. – You can't just leave like this. You may not feel important as an individual, but as part of a community… Think about Freya. When Freya lost you to your travels, she was indomitable because she still had her nation and the hopes of ever seeing you again. When she returned and Burmecia was gone and her lover had forgotten her, she was destroyed. However, Freya still had us, a group and a few friends left who took care of her and showed that communal strength allows one to not only survive an ordeal, but go on to rekindle long lost relationships. Do you understand what I mean?

— I do. – Over the immense bridge connecting the castle to the whole of Lindblum, I watch the skies. – In the same way I lend a hand to teach Freya all I knew about the Dragoon and its skills, she is passing down her communal strength to me again. That's very admirable. But still, I already made my decision of leaving.

— Is that your decision?

— I don't honestly know. I must leave to figure things out by myself while you guys have a lot of things to worry about. Important things.

— Look, Fratley… – Zidane let go off my shoulder, but kept the laid-back and casual speech mood he's used to. – I know we have never been very close. It was a short stay, but I'll miss you. I won't stop you or anything, but come back anytime you want.

— Fine. – I said, as my fist and Zidane's fist bumped together. – I'll keep in touch. Tell Freya and the others that I didn't give up the fight. I need some peace and time to sort things out.

— I understand. Take care of yourself. – Said Zidane, as I walked away in my own footsteps and leaps. Like a ballet dancer, I swing across buildings without feeling dizzy. Somehow I regret leaving everyone behind, but they'll be fine. Freya will be fine.

Maybe I'm this way because I'm scared and I don't want to admit it. Nothing lasts in this ephemeral world. It feels great to have friends who believe in you, and adults you can rely on. That's why it's so dangerous, especially if you become used to it. Someday you're bound to lose everything. Everyone around you will be gone. Then what are you left with? Nothing. Nobody... It's so miserable. And it's inevitable. It's so hard to recover from something like that. I never ever want to deal with that again. I can't. Even if it means being alone.