Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“She’s gone”

Riftan’s brain clouded at the words, incomprehension seizing him. He had just arrived at the princess’ palace, back from war to find his wife, his Maxi, gone.

“What do you mean she is gone? Where is she? Where is my wife?” He could feel his pulse quickening with a mixture of anger and fear, but his voice was cold and low.

The princess flinched at his tone and Ursuline stepped forward with an air of regret.

“The Duke of Croyso came for the celebration and visited her.” The knight frowned at the floor, “he told Lady Calypse about the… pregnancy. The lady was distraught and she left with him. They have gone back to Croyso. Elliot escorted her there, but was sent back by the Duke.”

Riftan felt dizzy. He had not wanted her to find out. Not like this. Not now, not ever. He didn’t want her to know the extent of the bad luck he brought to her life. The pain she would feel felt sharper in his heart than any wound he had ever received.

She left with him.

Riftan took a deep breath, retired to the room he had been assigned and sat on a chair by the lit fire, feeling the months of exhaustion catching up to him. He had always known he did not deserve to stand by her side. To sully her life with his presence. She left with him. Since he took her to Anatol, her life had been full of danger. Some new disgrace befalling her at every turn. But he had been foolish enough to believe that maybe she could be happy by his side. She had seemed happy, hadn’t she? or perhaps just resigned? He swore to give her everything she could ever want, but in the end all he gave her was the heartbreak of a lost child. He hated himself for it.

Hated himself for risking her life like that. I should have sent her home when I found her in Eth Lene. And yet, he didn’t. He could not even control himself when she was exhausted and struggling with the journey to Livadon. He felt like a disgusting beast whenever he thought of the way he put her life at risk by taking her to a war zone, by putting a child in her, by leaving her behind in Eth Lene, by not seeing the obvious ruse.

The vision of her frail body after the battle of Eth Lene, bruised and injured, still wretched his heart. He’d not managed to have one good night of rest without being haunted by the image of her, so small and pale under the sheets in the infirmary of Eth Lene, clutching that stupid coin and apologising for not taking care of it. As if he could even care about anything else when she had nearly died. She didn’t know how close to death they both had been that day. She didn’t know what had been lost. And so he swore she wouldn’t know. Seeing her like that hurt too much. It reminded him of childhood memories he did not want to recall.

His last words to her before she left plagued him now “Just go,” he’d told her . And she left with him.

Riftan sat in silence for a long time, looking ahead. He didn’t even move when the door opened behind him.

“I’ll tell the men,” said Hebaron near him, “to prepare for a detour to the Duchy of Croyso on the way to Anatol.”

“No.”

“No? you’re going to leave your wife there, then?” The knight sounded incredulous.

“...” A long pause. “I’ll go with a few men. You take the rest of the knights to Anatol first.”

“Being vice-commander is no fun sometimes. Well, at least I don’t have to see that hateful man’s pruny face this time.”

With a somewhat rude gesture at the idea of the Duke, Hebaron left Riftan alone in the room once more.

You’re going to leave your wife there, then? Hebaron’s voice joined Ursuline’s She left with him reeling in his head.

Maybe it’s for the best, he thought. She did not want to come to Anatol in the first place. I dragged her there and where has that led? Her pale face and broken frame entered his mind again and he felt a familiar tightness in his chest.

Finally, Riftan stood. He had made his choice. He needed to see her healthy. Replace the image of her, frail and broken with a happier version. I’ll talk to her and ask her to come back home. If she wants to stay, I will let her. He knew that doing so would wrench his heart out of his chest, yet… she left with him.

His men were getting ready for the journey when he stepped out. They had never planned to stay in Drachium for a long time anyway.

“I’m sorry I let Maximillian go," said princess Agnes, walking by his side towards his men, "You charged me with looking after her and I let you down. However, you know she is safe recuperating in Croyso, so why don’t you delay your departure and attend at least tonight’s banquet? It would please His Majesty to have a chance to-”

“No.” Riftan’s answer was curt, and the princess fell silent beside him.

He gathered his men and relayed the instructions: All but thirty knights were to return directly to Anatol. The remaining knights would accompany him to Croyso. Ruth would come with Riftan’s group to the Duchy, so the other group would have to take the Royal Road.

He checked the plan for the journey with Hebaron, content that there were enough big cities with no shortage of healers along the way, should anything happen to any of the knights or squires.

Once he was sure everything was prepared, Riftan guided Talon to the front of the line and rode away from the castle, two thoughts still in his head. She left with him and I need to see her.

Chapter Text

The good thing about being on the road was that Riftan had little time to be alone with his own thoughts and feelings while commanding a unit of 30 men and one perpetually exhausted wizard. The bad thing about it was that, since his men were efficient and good at working together, they had plenty of time to talk to him about said thoughts and feelings.

It started with Ruth mere hours into the two day journey. The nagging wizard never respected his boundaries, so perhaps he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“I told you it was a bad idea to hide it from her,” said the wizard, miraculously keeping balanced atop his horse despite the faster-than-comfortable pace of the march. “Hiding the truth is never a good idea. It catches up to you sooner or later. Also, we have known each other long enough for me to know that face you’re making. Don’t assume that you’re the only one here who cares about her wellbeing. Your wife is truly an excellent woman and a capable wizard. I don’t think it would kill you to let her know you see that.”

“... I know” was Riftan’s gruff response. He really did know. She was so brave and selfless it was terrifying for him. She really did well in the war, but she shouldn’t have had to. She would have been safe at home if I had done my job properly. The cloud of regret in his mind was too heavy to lift easily.

He picked up speed, trying to leave the wizard behind, but the meddlesome man was not going to let this rest.

“If you know, make sure to tell her when you beg her to come back with you. You know how much she longs to make you proud, don’t you? Truly a surprising woman” An irrational part of Riftan disliked the admiration in Ruth’s voice, but another part of him was in agreement with the mage.

He just gave a grunt of acknowledgement and spurred Talon into a pace that was slightly too uncomfortable for Ruth to follow.

A few more peaceful hours passed in silence before they halted the march, making a stop to water the horses. As Talon was drinking and he was polishing his sword, Ursuline wandered towards him.

“What do you want?” Riftan was still hearing the man’s words like an echo at the back of his mind. She left with him. She left with him. She left with him. And thus, was in no mood to have a heart to heart with him.

“Hm?”

“You wandering over this way means there is something you want to say. So say it.”

“Well, commander…” There was an uncharacteristic level of hesitation in the usually confident knight’s voice. “Your wife… I’m sorry I failed to keep her in Drachium. I tried to make them wait for you so you could talk, but the Duke was very insistent that they were leaving and that his knights would be sufficient in escorting them. He really left us no choice, and the lady looked very vulnerable. She-”

“Enough.” Riftan could not stomach another reminder of how he had failed to protect her. “I know you did what you could to follow your orders. That should clear your conscience on that front.”

Riftan did not want to look at Ursuline’s face at that moment, but he could not avoid the knight’s eyes, full of an ironic level of remorse.

“What, are you going to tell me how I should have told her from the start too? You have no right to meddle in your commander’s personal affairs, Sir Ricaydo.” Even the man who got himself punched for insulting Maxi is coming to tell me I should have done better too?

“I… I was wrong. I treated your wife in a way that was far less than chivalrous when she first arrived in Anatol. I was bitter and angry and chose to take it out on her. I know now that she is not the person I first thought she was, and I will never be able to fully make up for treating her as I did.” The knight sighed audibly, as if the words were a weight off his chest, “but even I know that the first step to righting a wrong is to apologise. Don’t be too proud to apologise, commander.”

“... So, have you?” Riftan was shocked to see the normally proud knight humble himself like that. Maxi really is something to even thaw Ursuline, huh? “Did you apologise to her?”

“Not yet. I found it hard to find a good moment to do so.” The knight looked down with a look of shame before raising his head again. “But I will. My knight’s honour demands I do.”

The knight bowed his head and walked away once more, leaving Riftan to stew in his own thoughts.

She left with him… I need to see her… beg her to come back… apologise… Over and over the same ideas circled his head, repeating time and time again.

“We are not far from the castle now,” said Elliot Charon around midday the following day, observing the grain fields ahead. “Perhaps two more hours at the current pace. It’s good we haven’t had any delays along the way. It seems those hopeless knights of the Duchy did a decent job of clearing the road, at least.”

Riftan nodded his head in acknowledgement. He was at least glad Elliot had gone with the Duke’s entourage to make sure Maxi was safe. He shuddered to think of what the cowards he had met from the Duke’s guard would do if under attack. Luckily Elliot had confirmed that Maxi arrived safely in Croix Castle. She was probably sitting in the garden now, enjoying the golden grass and the unusually windless day of Eterias. He was inevitably reminded of her holding a cat in that same garden, years before. And of an even smaller Maxi picking flowers with a hound by her side. Was she lonelier now than she had been then? He was overcome by the vision of her, frail as she had been the last time they spoke, holding on to that coin in the white infirmary.

Apologise… beg her to come back… I need to see her… she left with him… a never ending cycle of ideas.

“Sir Riftan Calypse, Lord of Anatol, is here to see his wife,” announced Ricaydo to the guards at the castle gate, showing them Riftan’s identification. The guards stared at the company of knights atop their horses and then at each other.

“We will send word to the castle of your arrival, please wait,” the small door opening slammed shut.

“This is ridiculous! They know who we are and they know why you are here. There is no reason for them to make us wait at the gates. What kind of lord receives guests like this?” Ricaydo returned to the formation.

“Ricaydo,” Riftan warned the man with a stare. He knew better than to antagonise the Duke within earshot of his vassals. The man was vile and cruel, and his vassals feared him too much.

After a wait too long to even imply fake courtesy, the door opening reopened and they were addressed by one of the Duke’s knights. A man Riftan remembered for his blind devotion to the Duke during the conflicts with Dristan.

“The lady refuses to see Sir Calypse.”

Cold. Riftan felt cold. The words dug into his already tight chest and nestled there, freezing the air in his lungs, the ice extending up his throat and making him speechless.

“What do you mean?!” Ursuline was the first to respond. “Sir Calypse is the lady’s husband and he demands to be shown to where she is. You have no right to deny Sir Calypse this much.”

“She refuses. His Grace, the Duke of Croyso, has asked that you respect his daughter’s wish to not see the man who has already caused her so much grief. You may not enter the castle gates.” and the opening slammed once more.

“This is preposterous!” Ursuline argued at the closed door.” We are not leaving until Sir Calypse sees his wife!” He took command of the men, making them dismount and set up camp, and leaving the still frozen Riftan to his reeling thoughts.

I need to s-, she refuses.

Apolog-, she refuses.

Beg her to c-, she refuses.

She refuses. She left with him. She left.

He barely noticed the wind picking up as he stayed atop Talon. Something made him glance up and he could swear he almost imagined a spark of red on one of the large terraces in the castle. He shook his head at his own delusions.

She refuses.

Chapter Text

After constantly arguing and banging on the gate, they had managed to have another conversation with the Duke’s knights and Riftan -with Ursuline and Elliot alone- had finally been allowed to see the Duke of Croyso. Ursuline had argued while Elliot had negotiated, but in the end the only concession the Duke had made was to offer them food for their mounts that they might depart before morning, without seeing Maximilian.

“My daughter is in a very delicate condition and will not see anyone. Rest assured, I am doing everything in my power to make sure she is well cared for by everyone here. She said she would rather be here, at home. I ask only that you respect her wishes.” The hateful man had but one virtue: caring about Maximilian. Maxi.

She refuses.

She refuses.

Riftan was still dazed; Maxi truly wouldn’t see him.

Can I leave her here? This is her home, where she chose to be. What have I done but drag her halfway across the country and push the biggest misery on her? Should I leave her here?

Respect her wishes.

She refuses.

Riftan felt his determination to do what was right for Maximilian growing. He should leave and let her heal. Remove himself from his life and let her be happy.

Respect her wishes.

Now stronger in his resignation, Riftan took the offer of food and the three knights left the castle.

Hours later found Riftan sat in front of the open fire, contemplating its colour and movement, unconsciously comparing it to his favourite shade of red. All while trying and failing not to think of the morning and how he would tear his heart out again by leaving Croyso, and Maxi, behind. There was a strange irony in the similarity with the morning after their wedding, and how the coming morning somehow seemed bleaker than leaving to fight an impossible battle.

“Sir Calypse!” Ruth approached the still absent-minded commander, holding a piece of paper, a look of urgency in his eyes. “You must read this. It was hidden with the hay.”

‘Don’t believe everything you are told. To find what you seek, wait for nightfall. I will meet you by the stairs behind the west wing of the main hall. Avoid being seen.’

After a long time of abstraction, the note at least brought Riftan back to functionality, if not fully back to himself. He found something growing in his chest, something dangerously similar to hope.

“This is not her handwriting, is it?” It looked different from the letter she had sent him during the war, yet he somehow wished it was.

“No, that is not her ladyship’s handwriting,” said the mage with certainty, “do you think it’s a trap? The duke might be trying to bait you into breaking into the castle.”

“What would he gain from that? He just wants us gone. It’s not in his interest to make a bigger scene of it.” Intervened Elliot, having followed Ruth over after finding the note.

“I know better than to try to understand a viper’s reasons for biting.” Spat Ursuline, animosity for the man clear in his tone.

There was a moment of contemplative silence before Riftan spoke again.

“I guess I will have to find out.”

“I suppose you mean we will have to find out.” sighed Ruth with an eye roll, already anticipating the role he would have to play in the infiltration.

“It is almost night. Are you nearly finished, wizard?” Ursuline was growing impatient by having to wait.

The four men had walked away from the gate and found a reasonably unguarded spot near the wall. There, Ruth cast a concealment spell and instructed them to be silent while he checked what protection spells were on the wall and worked to disarm them.

“I don’t presume Sir Ricaydo would appreciate me commenting on his sword-swinging while he was fighting a horde of goblins, so could the good Sir kindly keep his mouth shut?”

The knight looked disgruntled at being told off, but he remained quiet for the few minutes it took Ruth to lower his hands and relax his shoulders.

“Done. The barriers are down. We can climb the wall without setting off any alarms now. Watch out for any sentries on the other side. I cannot keep the concealment spell working while we move.”

Riftan nodded and instructed Ursuline to carry Ruth to the other side of the wall, ignoring the wizard’s complaints at being treated like a sack of potatoes.

The knights climbed the tall walls of Croyso with surprising agility and silence for such heavily armoured men. Then they ran through the hazel woods, following Riftan’s directions. By the time they snuck up to the back servants’ entrance of the west wing, it was fully dark and they were guided to the door by a lit lantern someone had left there. Riftan surveyed the area from behind the tree line like a dangerous predator in the wild, looking for any trace of the person who sent them the note. He then faded into the shadows, only to reappear a moment later, holding a knife to the throat of the other person hiding in the night.

“I wasn’t sure you would come.” The lady’s voice was clear and stable, despite the knife at her throat. “Shall we end the game of intrigue? You must want to know why I sent you that note.”

Ursuline was the first to speak.

“Lady Rosetta Croyso?” He looked surprised at finding the Duke’s youngest daughter hiding in the forest after dark.

Maxi’s sister? Riftan also felt surprised. He had never given the lady more than a passing thought. He knew she was considered a beauty and there were rumours of her being a marriage candidate for the crown prince, but to be honest with himself, he had quite forgotten her existence until he raised his knife to her throat.

“Yes, I know my own name. If you too know who I am, why does my dearest brother keep his knife at my neck?” There was something in her way of saying the word brother that betrayed strong animosity for a man she had never even talked with before.

Another member of the Duke’s family consumed by pride. Thought Riftan, sheathing his knife and taking a step back to allow the lady space to speak.

Rosetta faced him, squared her shoulders and spoke in a cold, level tone.

“I have one condition to hold this conversation.” A pause. “If I help you tonight, you must swear to conceal my involvement. I was never here, we never spoke.”

“Alright, we will listen to what you have to say and not share who we spoke with. Satisfied?” Riftan had very little patience for more members of the Duke’s family, and there was something in Rosetta’s way of speaking and voice that was an unsettling mixture of Maxi and their hateful father.

“I will take your word as knights to honour that.” Rosetta flashed an artificial smile with a nod of her head. “I hear you have agreed to leave in the morning. You plan to leave my sister here with us?”

From her voice it was difficult to read what her feelings were on the subject? Did she want Maxi to stay or not? Did she maybe dislike her sister? Their relationship could not have been close, since Maxi had not brought her up in conversation during their months at Calypse Castle, and there did not seem to be any correspondence between the sisters during the year apart.

“Max- My wife said she did not want to see me and asked that we leave. I intend to respect her wishes.” He could not help the hint of vulnerability from showing in his voice.

“Maximilian asked you to leave her here? I did not know you had spoken with her directly?” Rosetta’s cold smile that did not reach the eyes was unsettling to Riftan. He could see she had the habit of guiding the conversation in a direction, rather than speaking plainly. It was the sort of palace machinations he despised.

How are they so different from each other?  Maxi’s eyes and face betrayed her every emotion, yet her sister was cold as ice. He remembered a nickname he had heard for her in Drachium. Some nobles apparently called Rosetta “The Diamond Princess” for her beauty and her unbreakable coldness. He now saw how apt the name was.

“I heard from the Duke himself that Maxi- that my wife is unwell from…” His voice weakened, unsure of how to say what broke his heart. “That she is in no condition to travel and doesn’t want to see me” 

“You must truly value my father. Few would esteem his words so much, indeed. He would be happy he has such a loving son. Wouldn’t you agree?” Rosetta’s words left much unsaid, but it was effective.

Riftan felt like he knew what she was saying, but it could not be.

“It is well known that the Duke of Croyso cherishes his daughters. Why would he lie?

Rosetta laughed. The first expression of sentiment from the girl. A bitter, almost incredulous laugh.

“Sir Calypse, you really have not the slightest idea. Who do you think told everyone what a loving and devoted parent my father is?” Another laugh. “Do you not know my father in the slightest, even after all these years? I must say I am surprised. You must be an incredibly naive man to believe a single word out of my father’s mouth after the way he has used you.” Rosetta shook her head. “I only know one person more innocently naive than you.”

Riftan’s heart dropped.

“Where is she?”

“What will you do if I tell you?” Rosetta took one step towards Riftan, looking up at him without fear. “Do you love my sister enough?” She stared into his eyes and he held her gaze. The girl finally stepped back, a slight look of satisfaction at what she saw in his eyes quickly concealed behind her coldness.“Fourth floor. Last door at the end of the corridor.”

Riftan ran.

Ran up the stairs in twos and threes. He could hear footsteps behind, but couldn’t care if the  red dragon itself came back to life outside the castle.

Fourth floor. Riftan dashed as quietly as he could down the impossibly large corridor, barely hearing anything around him. All that he could process was the sobbing and the screaming. Maxi was crying and the Duke shouting.

He barely noticed himself moving to open the door. It suddenly was open and something he never expected appeared before him.

Blood. So much blood. He was sure he had seen horror before, but the current vision was instantly burned in his mind.

Maxi crawling on the floor, blood flowing from the broken skin of her back. The duke. HER FATHER holding a whip, more blood dripping from the tip, ready to strike her again despite her sobs and pleas to stop.

He could not remember telling himself to move, but the next instant he had the man’s wrist in his hand, feeling his thin, brittle bones under his fingers. He could look nowhere else but at his wife, his love, his Maxi with abject horror.

“What in the devil are you doing?” he heard his own voice, low and cold, rather than felt it.

Why? How? When? He could not understand what was happening.

And yet,

She left with him.