Chapter Text
“I can’t believe that I don’t have more clients! This is utter bull. So. Boring.”
Wade Wilson is sitting at his desk in what he like to call the Dead-cave; in a simple apartment, a room filled with Deadpool merchandise where the merc usually hangs around playing games or eating his chimichangas. (It was originally meant to be a spare room but if Batman can have a hideout why can’t he? Oh, wait wrong franchise.)
Wade like any normal person is narrating his actions as he pulls up the search engine on his amazing computer that he definitely didn’t steal (cuz that is a big no-no), and types ‘merc for hire’ on the search bar. The results that appear include his website as well as other miscellaneous websites to rent Mercedes cars. A link that does catch his attention is one that has the title ‘A Merc for hire’ written in bold, the small text used as a description simply states: ‘Wolverine needs help to sneak into a private party, but he needs a plus one. Good thing Deadpool is available for hire.’, the URL being for a weird site named ‘Archive of Our Own’.
“This is weird…. Let’s click it.”
With the self-control of a non-potty-trained toddler about to pee, Wade clicks on the bold title and watches a blinding white screen appears, a type of terms of use, without further thought he clicks the little square and the agree button.
It does not take long to read what Wade now knows is a made-up story of him and Logan, it’s a unwilling friendship one according to the author who wanted to explore their dynamics after watching them fight side by side. Wade obviously had a few things to say, after all, they had made it seem like Wolverine would approach Deadpool first which is absurd and unrealistic.
Wade spotted the sign in button and after a little deliberation. (Little? He saw, he clicked, he didn’t think.) He uses his personal email address and creates his very own AO3 account under the username – Unicorns&Chimichangas , the perfect username. He has time to spare, once he gets access he will be sure to see if there is any more Deadpool related content on this interesting website.
Unsurprisingly there was, mostly it was weird character studies where people guessed what he was truly like or just stories exaggerated about his interactions with other heroes, mostly Cable and few with Captain America.
“Huh, even they know about how cool Cap is.” Should the fact that people are writing about Deadpool freak him out? Probably, but this is Wade and Wade Wilson has seen worst thing. Plus, this is kind of interesting.
It didn’t take long for Wade to start writing things himself; after all who better to write about Deadpool than Deadpool himself, he gets free prompts from his interactions during jobs anyway. Plus, Wade really likes the one-shots, very non-committal can write on his phone, type of thing.
He writes things from a fic about someone he was partnered up recently with (Just a random character study as other authors call it), fics about hero pairings (He looks at the most popular ones follows the two for a day and writes about them). And obviously fics about himself, from a day in the life of, to what if Deadpool was a…. (he wrote about being a ballerina, very short but very funny.)
Yet he hasn’t had the guts to write about Spidey, the only one he interacts with a lot yet has never even so much as mentioned him in any of his fics. Don’t get him wrong it isn’t for lack of content or want, he even had people message him on his recently made writing twitter asking for Spiderman fanfiction, he just doesn’t want to go anywhere near it, because he knows that once he starts he will never be able to contain his thoughts.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, his writing has gotten really popular in the fanfiction community, many people love his prompts and one-shots. But it means that he will have to start writing about Spiderman unless he gets made into a Spidey-hater which he absolutely is not. Wade just hopes that if he does write his brain will be able to separate fiction from reality.
Another day another opportunity to hang with Spiderman! And today is Wade’s lucky day. Guess who he ran into while on patrol? (He definitely hadn’t missed the other and went looking for him. Absolutely not.)
“Webs! Hi!” An exasperated groan is the only response he gets from the masked figure.
Wade sits down on the roof ledge beside the crouched down Spiderman, swinging his legs and staring at the other in order to get the other’s attention. And seemingly after a good 5 mins of silence (longest time Deadpool has been completely quiet. That’s a lie, I have been singing pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows in my head the whole time! Okay, outwardly quiet.), Spiderman seems to have had enough and sighs turning to face Deadpool himself.
“Deadpool. Had enough of following Cap around?” Ooh, so people have noticed his research methods, he better be more creative and careful.
“I was going on a patrol and saw you and decided to say hello. Isn’t that nice of me?”
“…” While Spiderman might be wearing a mask Deadpool gets the impression he has an unimpressed look under it. “Why me?” Deadpool wasn’t meant to hear it since it was sighed and very quiet, but clearly being close means that he did.
“Because I like ya Spidey! Why else?”
As expected Spiderman just groaned out a strained ‘oh my god’ and if he wasn’t wearing a mask he would have rolled his eyes. Sure, it felt like Deadpool was being stabbed by porcupines (has happened, not very fun, kinda ouchy), but hey, he knows Spidey doesn’t exactly like him.
“So how is your civilian life going? Anything interesting?” Wow. Deadpool being awkward while making small talk? Well, his head is in another place, he just got struck with a whole lot of inspo-juice.
“Deadpool, we agreed to not discuss our civilian lives, that is one of our rules.” Ah yes the rules of the Spider-pool friendship. Rule #1: Don’t pry into each other’s civilian lives.
“Don’t want specifics Webs, just some general non-invasive info.”
“Are you trying to make small talk?” Spiderman sighs, “Alright, I’ll bite.”
“Kinky.”
“Deadpool!”