Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You led my way, then disappeared
How could you just walk away and leave me here?

Light the night up, you're my dark star
And now you're falling away

But I found in you what was lost in me
In a world so cold and empty
I could lie awake just to watch you breathe
In the dead of night, you went dark on me

Blinded, I can't do this on my own
You were all I've got, to guide me home

“It's getting bigger Tails! What's going on?” Sonic had to yell over the whirl of wind being sucked into the portal floating above their heads as the golden hedgehog coasted down to land next to the yellow fox, who was frantically typing out numbers on his Miles Electric with one arm linked around a post to keep from being blown away, “I thought you said that our super forms would be able to stop that thing!”

“I don't know!” Tails shrieked back, “The readings are all over the place!”

“Well figure it out fast,” Sonic glanced behind him to where Shadow and Silver's golden forms were still darting around the portal, trying to figure out any way to keep it from continuing to grow; it was chewing on the tops of buildings now. Hopefully everyone had heeded the order to evacuate, “Because otherwise I think we're gonna have a real problem.”

“I'm trying, I'm trying!” Tails pulled out some other gizmo that Sonic didn't have a name for and waved it at the growing portal; it made a series of flashes and beeps, and the fox looked back at his tech screen, “Okay...okay...maybe this is it!”

“So...?” Sonic made a hurry up gesture, “What is it, Tails?”

“Well I still don't know for sure what the portal is, but I think it's coming from some kind of inter-dimensional temporal rift that is forcing it open on the other side—spacetime is warped there and so it's bleeding through into our world...”

“Tails!” Sonic hated to interrupt, but Shadow had just had to push Silver out of the way of part of collapsing building as structural supports were sucked into the void above their heads, “Very interesting, love to hear more, now is not the time!”

Shadow and Silver had joined them now; Silver covering his head to avoid pieces of debris, “Can we fix it Tails?”

“I think so! Um...” Tails glanced at Sonic, “The short version is that there should be what is basically an 'off switch' on the other side of the portal,” the fox pointed, “Something that is obviously the cause and as soon as we fix it, this should close up like it was never here!”

“Awesome buddy!” Sonic grinned, “I knew you'd come up with something!”

The device in Tails' hand beeped, and the fox glanced down at his screen again, his face suddenly and dramatically changing from one of pride to one of horror.

“...Tails? Bro? What's wrong?” Sonic had to force himself not to reach out and touch Tails' shoulder, knowing that his super form would be more likely to hurt than to comfort.

“It's...the portal will close as soon as someone turns it off. And then they'll be trapped there.”

“Okay, so they take the chaos emeralds and...”

“You don't understand!” Tails' ears were now whipping in the wind, the gale so strong that he could barely be heard, “It's a spacetime dimensional rift! If someone is on the other side when it closes—they'll be ripped right out of reality. Like they never existed.”

Sonic's mouth snapped closed, and he stared at the yellow fox. For a moment, there was nothing but the increasing howl of the wind, before Sonic asked, “Are...are you sure?”

Tails waved the instrument in his hand and nearly lost his grip on the post, “Yes! I mean...it's possible, maybe that once someone is on the other side they could find a way back, but if you go through that...” he stared up at the black hole that now took up most of the sky, “It won't be good...”

Nobody spoke again for a moment before, “I'll go.” Shadow, somehow, didn't need to shout for his voice to carry, and Sonic instantly turned to the other golden hedgehog, “Shads! You can't!”

“I'm the most capable agent here—if anyone could figure it out...”

“Sonic's right.” Silver cut him off, coasting right in between the other two super hedgehogs, “Shadow—you can't go. You're needed here. You belong here.”

Shadow realized faster than Sonic where Silver was going with this, “Silver—no, you can't!”

“It has to be me, Shadow.”

“Silver--”

Sonic's mouth dropped open for a second, before he waved his hands, “No, no way Silver! There...there has to be another way, we can figure something out—!” he turned to Tails, but the fox just stared back with silent desperation in his eyes.

“We don't have time!” Silver pointed above their heads, “That thing is going to destroy the whole city any minute—we're the heroes. It's our responsibility: we have to stop it. And both of you are needed here.” Silver gave them a soft, sad smile, “You know that I've never really belonged here—never really belonged anywhere. It has to be me.”

“You belong with us, Silver,” Sonic grabbed his hand, and Silver could feel the power of Sonic's chaos energy mixing with his own, little golden blazes rising off their fur and twisting through the air only to be swept up by the wind, “You can't...please don't go.”

Silver gave Sonic's hand a little squeeze, before he pulled out of the other hedgehog's grip, “I love you Sonic.” He leaned forward quickly, pressing a soft kiss to Sonic's cheek, “But you know that I have to do this.”

Sonic stared at him, a little helplessly, before he grabbed Silver's face and kissed him, fast and desperate, “I know.” Sonic released him, with a pained look in his eyes, and Silver turned to Shadow.

The red-striped hedgehog hadn't said anything more since Silver volunteered, and when Silver met his eyes, he knew why. Shadow agreed with him, but hated the fact that he knew Silver was right.

“I love you too,” Silver whispered, and he knew that even over the sound of the wind Shadow would be able to hear it, as he reached out to hold the red-striped hedgehog's hand one last time: unlike Sonic's exuberant energy, Shadow's was much more controlled, little whirls of gold spiraling perfectly up Silver's arm. And he kissed in the same way—controlled rather than desperate, but every bit as sad.

“Silver, you have to go now!” Tails' voice scattered across the wind, and Silver spent one last second looking into Shadow's ruby red eyes—he'd always liked that Shadow's eyes stayed the same whether he was in super form or not.

“Goodbye,” Silver mouthed, watching Shadow's jaw tense, the only outward sign of the emotional war that Silver could read in his eyes. But he let Silver go, and the younger hedgehog instantly darted up towards the center of the vortex, only looking back one last time to see Sonic and Shadow holding hands, standing below him...

And then he was gone.

…

Sonic sat bolt upright in bed, panting. Something was Wrong. Horribly, terribly, awfully wrong: his heart was thudding in his chest, and his eyes darted around the room, looking for the threat. He needed...he needed to check on them. Make sure they were okay...

Shadow and...

And...

No...what? Sonic shook his head and glanced back at the blue walls of his room in the house he shared with Tails. He could check on the fox—before that thought was even finished, he'd zoomed across the hall, silently swinging the door open on hinges that Tails kept oiled to perfection. His little brother was curled up on his side, his signature tails draped across the bed, snoring softly and absolutely perfectly safe.

Sonic stepped back, letting the door close with a little 'click' behind him, but the panicky feeling in his chest didn't stop. He wasn't sure why it was Shadow that he was feeling the innate desire to check up on—sure the two of them had kiiiiinda started dating recently, but it was more a “Hey let's hang out and do things that aren't beat the shit out of each other and maybe get ice cream sometimes” thing rather than a “Hey it's the middle of the night and I had a nightmare how are you” thing.

Still...Sonic worried at his lip as he tiptoed back to his room and grabbed his phone. He was pretty sure that he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep until he at least messaged the black hedgehog to ask if he was okay.

Sonic: hey shads...just wanted to make sure you were okay

He hit send, and then flopped backwards onto the bed, letting his phone rest on his chest as he stared up at the stickers that he and Tails had pasted all over his ceiling when they first moved in. He wasn't expecting Shadow to reply, so when his phone buzzed almost immediately, he jolted, his phone falling off his chest as he scrambled to open the notification.

Shadow: I'm fine

Sonic breathed a sigh of relief, and was about to switch off the screen again, but his fingers hesitated over the keys.

Sonic: good

Sonic: sorry just had a weird feeling

The 'read' symbol didn't even pop up, so after a couple of minutes of staring, Sonic finally sighed and set his phone on the night stand before returning his gaze to the ceiling.

He didn't fall back asleep for hours.

…

Shadow was not actually fine. He'd said that for Sonic's benefit because he didn't need the blue hedgehog worrying at 3 in the morning, since Sonic actually needed to sleep, but, no, Shadow was not fine.

He knew what it felt like when someone messed with his memories—it was a very distinct feeling of knowing that you should know something but being unable to recall it, in a very specific way. Of course, he was very familiar with certain people (such as Black Doom and Eclipse) messing with his memories to manipulate him, but that was like someone editing his memories with a fine toothed comb, picking and choosing, very deliberately.

This felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his head. There was no finesse—this was enormous chunks of his memories being utterly obliterated and rebuilt the way a toddler builds a skyscraper out of blocks—kind of the right idea, but with no actual substance to it.

As Sonic texted him the first time, he was pacing back and forth through the apartment he shared with Rouge. Said roommate, sprawled in her favorite chair, just watched him; the only thing moving was her eyes, lazily tracking him as she swirled a drink in her hand.

“Shadow, hun, what's got you all up in arms?”

“You don't feel it?”

“What?”

Shadow stopped for a moment, and gestured at the air by his head, “The fact that someone has severely fucked with my memories.” He squinted at her, “Do you feel it?”

Rouge took a long sip from the martini in her hand, and tilted her head; she was far less worried about this than anyone else would be, only because she knew that this sort of thing somehow happened to Shadow at a statistically impossible rate, “I don't know, hun. I'm not sure how to tell if my memories aren't right.”

Shadow sighed, exasperated (although not at Rouge), “It's...hard to explain how to tell. But something has happened. Someone or something has erased and rebuilt large portions of my memory and I don't know why or how.” Shadow shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed as he tried to grip on to any sort of connection to the places where his memories didn't feel right.

The problem was, it appeared to be nearly everything for the past year or so, and significant portions before that. There was no distinct connection, no common thread. Just...lots of things missing.

“Maybe you should take a break.”

Shadow didn't process Rouge's words at first, and when he did, he raised a brow ridge, “What?”

“Shadow,” Rouge set down her now-empty drink and got up, sashaying her way over to him, “Take a break. Go out to the cabin for a few days and see if you can figure out what's wrong. I'll cover at work for you.”

Shadow didn't respond for a moment, before he nodded, just once with a sharp jab of his chin, and Rouge smiled. She knew that her partner-in-crime wasn't much for emotions or anything; that had never been their preferred method of communication. It was much more “I'll sacrifice my entire life and career for you if you so much as vaguely indicate that you might be in trouble” and it worked perfectly for them.

“Good. Go on then.” She started to turn, before pausing, “Maybe you should take Sonic out there sometime.”

Shadow nearly choked on his own breath, but recovered quickly and gracefully, turning it into a huff, “That blue nuisance? I don't see why I should.”

Rouge rolled her eyes, “Everyone can see how you two look at each other. Y'all should just kiss already—I think you'd be much better off for it.” She grinned cheekily, and patted Shadow's cheek—a gesture that he would allow from exactly zero other people without ripping their arms off, “Goodnight Shadow.”

Shadow didn't move until after Rouge had headed off to bed: now that she'd mentioned the cabin he had the strongest desire to get there get there right now—a feeling that he didn't understand any more than the rewritten chunks of his memory. But the two things felt connected, so without any further delay, he let himself out and skated off into the pre-dawn light.

…

Reality shifted around him—it felt like swimming through molasses, every movement stiff and sticky as the very fabric of spacetime seemed intent on pulling him back, drowning him in liquid color that pulled at his limbs.

Getting through the portal and finding what Tails called the 'off switch' had been easy—even though his super form had vanished as soon as he went through, Silver's telekinetic abilities were still able to fly him straight to the big giant weird vibrating button that was sending out pulsing waves of wrongness. And then all he'd had to do was blow it up, and instantly reality seemed to snap back, radiating outwards from the center.

Silver had turned instantly, flying as fast as he could back towards the rapidly closing portal he'd come through.

He didn't...quite...make it.

Right as the portal snapped shut, he had dived through it—but it didn't take him home. Instead he found himself here, in a place where nothing was real, but everything was, and there was nothing behind him except a sucking, terrifying darkness, so he had no choice but to pull himself, slowly, inch by inch, towards the one tiny constant light he could make out through the swirls of color.

He didn't know how long he had been dragging himself through this warped reality. And now, he was almost there. He lifted one trembling hand, colors dripping from his white fur to cascade down into the watercolor portrait that surrounded him, and grabbed the tiny glowing orb.

He was falling, and landed with an 'oof!' on something that was much harder than he expected it to be.

For a moment, he just lay there, dazed and blinking up at a black star-studded sky that stayed one color, and didn't shift into a waterfall of cascading hues if he looked at it too long. Was he...had he made it?

Slowly, groaning, Silver pushed himself up. He'd landed on top of a building that was definitely familiar: still studded with a few pieces of rubble, it was exactly where they had been when he'd jumping into the portal. But, as he wobbled to his feet and looked out at the city, he could tell that, although he might be in the same place, he definitely wasn't in the same time.

Virtually all the destruction that he had watched the portal cause, including the top of the building that had very nearly taken his head off and WOULD have if Shadow hadn't dragged him out of the way, was repaired: only a few pieces of scaffolding still stood where something had been particularly damaged and needed extensive repairs. Otherwise the city looked untouched: whatever he'd done had worked! And he was back here, back home!

But...Silver's elation deflated suddenly as he remembered what Tails had said. That even if, somehow, he'd managed to escape, that he wouldn't exist in this reality. Nobody would remember him.

If that was true...he couldn't go running straight to the little cabin that he'd shared with Sonic and Shadow. They might not even be there, because the only reason they'd moved out there was that Rouge had drop-kicked them out of the apartment, saying “My two bedroom apartment absolutely cannot house three super-powered hedgehogs.” And...and he didn't want to risk running into Sonic or Shadow anyways. If they really didn't know him. He didn't want to say their names and see incomprehension in their eyes. No. He had to figure out, first, if he was really in the right place, and if he'd really been erased or not.

Which was easier said than done, but fortunately he had a solution because Tails had, just last week, dragged him to the city library, and he knew that they had free accessible computers.

He thought hard about just jumping off the roof and flying there, but his stomach twisted and he decided that, after what he had been through, he wasn't going to trust his powers that far and took the stairs instead; by the time he got to the library, dawn light was streaking through the sky and it wasn't long before they opened the doors.

…

He really didn't exist.

Silver leaned back in his chair, feeling his heart sink as he kept reading. The report was about the incident that had happened in the city a few weeks ago (so he hadn't been gone very long, at least that was good)--the portal and how Sonic and Shadow had, in their usual fashion, gone super and stopped it (the article didn't specify how, which wasn't surprising all things considered) with support from Tails of course. But of Silver? There was no mention.

And when he searched up his name specifically, looking for any article or story or anything that used his name? Nothing. Nada. Zip, zero, zilch.

He'd stepped through that portal and out of the universe.

Silver felt emotion rising in his chest, and had to swallow hard, forcing it back down: it absolutely wouldn't do to go breaking down in the middle of the library. He'd known this is what would happen: at least he was back in the right reality. Now he just had to figure out what to do next. Sonic and Shadow wouldn't know him: they'd probably built totally different lives without him—that's what had happened in the future, when he'd gone and changed the past. Which is why he'd come back here.

Maybe...maybe it would be best if he went somewhere else again. Went down to the marina and caught the first ship to anywhere, found a new city, rebuilt himself as a hero there. Or even retire from hero work entirely—there was plenty of empty space on Mobius; he could find himself a little place, plant a garden...

But that only brought up the now-painful memories of the garden he'd already had—the one at the cabin that he'd tended with Sonic and Shadow, in the sunny glen that always smelled like sage and lavender and warm grass and the little house that had been the foundation of so many precious memories. Memories that now only belonged to him.

Silver bit his lip as he felt two tears slide down his cheeks: no. He wasn't going to dwell on the past. It was gone now, erased into oblivion. At least he had a future—he knew that solidly. And so that was what he would focus on.

But...but would it be so bad? To go see the place they'd built together, one last time? As he'd thought earlier, it was very unlikely that anyone would be there—before he, Sonic, and Shadow moved in, it had just been a little getaway cottage for weekends when Rouge wanted to hide from work.

It was just to say goodbye. He'd sneak by, make sure that nobody saw him, and then he'd go, find himself somewhere new, somewhere where the lack of recognition in people's eyes would be expected instead of painful, and forget about the past.

Forget about falling asleep on their ratty old couch sandwiched between Sonic and Shadow because the blue hedgehog wouldn't let them get up until the movie was over. Forget about totally destroying the kitchen making chocolate chip pancakes with Sonic and having to the spend the whole afternoon cleaning batter off the ceiling because he was the only one who could reach. Forget about finding just the perfect flowers from the garden to decorate the centerpiece of the table and the precious little smile that Shadow had when he saw it. The way Sonic winked at him when they shared secrets. Quiet rainy days, sitting by the window and reading with Shadow. The feeling of their hands in his when they went out walking on perfect autumn evenings, the leaves crunching underfoot.

The way their lips felt on his. The way he could read their entire lives in their eyes. The way they made him feel special, important, loved in a way that nobody else ever had...

Silver had to run out of the library, tears streaming down his cheeks, tripping as his feet touched grass outside. He collapsed onto his knees, grit his teeth, and cried.

Chapter Text

The cabin looked the same; Silver was honestly kind of relieved that it was there at all.

He'd cried himself out in the park outside the library, and when he'd finished, he'd dragged his emotionally exhausted self to the nearest diner and ordered the tallest stack of waffles they had with every topping the could think of (thank CHAOS that he'd had some money stuffed in his quills that apparently had survived its trip through the portal).

Once full of waffles and empty of tears, he'd been even more determined in his course of action: he would go say goodbye. See if anything was left. And then move on.

So here he was, alighting in the little clearing that, despite how well hidden it was from above, he could probably have found in his sleep at this point. And it looked the same.

The garden was still there: that was a little surprising, honestly. There was the sage he'd convinced Shadow to plant last year, spreading through the parsley, rosemary and thyme; there was the hoard of sunflowers that sprouted up wherever they wanted with no rhyme or reason, but that Silver adored anyways for their cheerful countenances and abundance of buzzing bees; the red and white roses still climbed up the walls one either side of the door, and the twisting leaves of morning glories and moonflowers wound their way through the garden arch: there were enough buds that Silver knew, in the morning, the arch would be a spectacular display of blue and white and purple. The air still smelled the same, and Silver inhaled deeply, savoring the scent, memorizing it so that, years from now, when he was far away, he could come back and remember this: remember what this place had meant to him.

It did appear deserted, though, and Silver wanted to see one last thing. Very carefully, he snuck out from the treeline, and darted around the edge of the cabin towards one very particular window that looked out between two lilac bushes—his window.

It was high enough up that he had to stand on tip-toe to peer in—it seemed a waste of his powers just for this—and he had to squint, trying to make out if anything of his was still there...

“What are you doing?” The voice behind him was a snarl, and accompanied by the tell-tale crackle of chaos bolts, and Silver froze before very, very slowly turning around.

Shadow stood in front of him, quills tensed, hackles up, eyes blazing red, and, indeed, a chaos bolt in his hand which jolted with energy.

“Um...um...” Silver's brain was fried, but he had to think fast because he knew very well just how protective Shadow was, and if he didn't want to end up a black spot on the floor or at the very least punted halfway across the forest, he had to come up with something quickly.

Fortunately, tears were easy, “I'm...I'm sorry...” Silver blubbered, sniffling, “I...I got lost in the woods...I saw this cabin, and I thought that there might be someone here who...who could help me.” He couldn't look Shadow in the eyes: he couldn't deal with the fact that those same eyes that had silently said I love you back on top of that building in the city were now blank, feeling no emotion towards him except anger. But he could focus on the chaos bolt in Shadow's hand, and felt a strong sense of relief when it flickered out of existence.

“And you decided to do this by looking in the windows instead of knocking, because...?”

Silver winced; he hadn't realized how long Shadow had been there, but at least he had a clever answer for this one. He remembered a book they'd read once—Shadow had said it was something he'd read back on the ARK—fairy tales, and one story was particularly relevant.

He sniffed and tried to look sheepish, “Um...well, I read this story once...where people got lost in the woods and found this cabin but it was really a witch's cabin and she had all this bad stuff hidden away...I just wanted to make sure it wasn't creepy or anything...”

Shadow relaxed visibly as soon as he heard 'read this story'--Silver had banked on that, knowing Shadow's opinion of anyone who still bothered to read actual books. So now he was pretty safe from being chaos blasted, but...he couldn't do this. He couldn't look at Shadow without thinking about how soft that one spot of red fur right between his ears was—he couldn't take Shadow staring at him with that same critical analytical look, like he was figuring out how to take you out in the fewest number of moves possible that he gave everyone else except for Sonic and Rouge.

“Um. But...” Silver swallowed, rubbing a hand across his cheek to scrub away any remnants of his tears, “If you know...how to get to the nearest village...I can be on my way...”

…

Shadow was absolutely not sure what to make of the white hedgehog standing in front of him. He'd seen him come out of the woods, and then circle around to the back window: Shadow was so on edge that he'd jumped on him, chaos bolt already summoned.

But the look of fear on his face made Shadow's stomach twist: it physically hurt to see. So he'd let the chaos bolt fizzle out, and when the white hedgehog had bashfully admitted to reading a story that Shadow had read as well, he felt himself relax more. Most enemy agents he'd met didn't instantly start talking to him about fairy tales.

When the white hedgehog had suggested leaving, though, Shadow had nearly shouted out “No!”--he actually felt the word rise in his throat, and had to clench his teeth to avoid it.

What the actual hell was going on? Shadow ground his jaw, before realizing that the white hedgehog was staring at him with those wide amber eyes again—the dark lines around them made them look even bigger and more frightened, and Shadow forced himself to relax again.

“It's...” what to say, what to say? This white hedgehog was somehow connected to everything: there was no way the universe was making this a coincidence right now—Shadow needed him to stay, “It's a ways out. And,” Shadow glanced up at the darkening sky, “It looks like it is going to storm. Why don't you come in for a moment—you can wait out the rain, and then I'll point you in the right direction?” He actually had no real intention of that that last one, but this would buy him time to figure out what was going on.

The white hedgehog didn't breathe for a moment, and Shadow had a sudden terrible feeling that he would bolt off into the trees, gone forever, and Shadow would have lost something irretrievable. But, then, he nodded and let Shadow lead the way back to the front door.

“My name is Shadow, by the way.”

“I'm...Silver.” His voice was very quiet, and he kept his eyes glued to the floor as Shadow unlocked the door. It had not escaped the black hedgehog's notice that Silver wouldn't meet his eyes, but maybe he was just nervous: after all, 'Shadow the Hedgehog' was not an unknown name, and even if he didn't recognize it, he was walking into a random stranger's house in the middle of the woods.

Hopefully, though, Rouge's housekeeping would help him relax: while the bat had a pack-rat mentality in their apartment sometimes with the shiny gemstones that crowded every single flat surface, here it was surprisingly clean and cozy. Small entrance way, leading straight into the kitchen on one side, and towards the library Shadow had insisted on in the back, with a tiny set of stairs going up to Rouge's rooms upstairs on the other. Shadow's room, and the guest room, were off behind the kitchen and there wasn't much more than that.

...

They were lucky to get in when they did, because quite literally as soon as Silver stepped inside, the clouds got dark, and the shush of rain fell over the woods. Silver had to admit he was glad that he was indoors—his fur was so thick that once it got wet it took hours of blowdrying to get it totally dry, and if he was outdoors he would absolutely freeze...already the draft through the doorway made him shiver before Shadow closed it.

The cabin didn't quite smell the same. It was more dusty and less...lived in, and there was no fading aroma from whatever they'd made for lunch hanging in the air. No photographs lined the walls, and overall it really did feel much more like a guest house than a home. But, still, Silver could peer over Shadow's shoulder and see the library that they had spent hours and hours in—he followed the red striped hedgehog to that exact room. The enormous flat screen television that Sonic had installed to play his videogames on when they moved out here was missing, but otherwise the same overstuffed chairs were here, walls lined with books that made the whole room smell like old paper, a smell that Silver always associated with Shadow.

“So,” Shadow settled himself in his chair, and Silver promptly took the one that had always been his—but the impression that he'd left in the seat from so many hours spent in it was no longer there, “What brings you all the way out here in the big bad woods in the first place?”

Silver chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment before answering, “I...I was looking for my...friends. They told me to meet them at this particular spot, but I think they might have forgotten, so I went trying to find them and got all turned around.” Silver laughed, a little bashfully, “I'm kind of terrible with directions.”

…

Shadow's eyes squinted just a little at Silver's story. Something about it didn't feel quite right, but he obviously wasn't going to call out the white hedgehog for being a liar especially because, as a GUN agent, he'd been trained in various interrogation techniques, and for Silver, just asking seemingly innocent questions seemed like the way to go.

“Won't someone be worried about you if you don't show up? You can call them on my communicator if you want.”

“Oh...no...” Silver looked down, “Nobody would be worried about me...”

Shadow raised a brow ridge at that; it was a very weird thing to admit to a complete stranger whose house was in the middle of the woods, especially after previously saying that he was worried about whoever lived here being dangerous. He was about to ask another question, when Silver shivered, pulling his knees in closer to the fluffy patch on his chest, and Shadow changed his query to, “Would you like some tea?”

“Oh...um...if there's hot chocolate, I'd rather have that, if that's okay.”

Shadow had no idea if Rouge had hot chocolate, but he would look, “I'll see. One moment.”

It took him several minutes to figure out what cabinet the drinks were in, and was pleased to see both his own preferred tea as well as some hot chocolate packets with little marshmallows. He set the kettle on, and stuck his head back into the library to check on Silver, who was standing, eyes gliding over the books although he kept his hands clasped behind his back.

The image hit Shadow over the head with so much deja vu that he nearly staggered, still stumbling into the wall loudly enough that Silver turned to him, worried, “Are you okay Shadow?”

“Yes,” Shadow shook off the feeling, “There is hot chocolate. I'll have it ready in just a moment.” He nodded at the books, “You're free to read anything you want.” And then he disappeared back to the kitchen.

…

When the black hedgehog finally emerged with steaming mugs, Silver was curled back up on his chair, quietly paging through a book that had, at one point, been his. But, he had to keep reminding himself, it was Shadow's now. Nothing here was his. Not the book. Not the little potted plant on the windowsill. Not the glow-in-the-dark moon wind chime the hung from the ceiling. The universe didn't remember him, these things were just vague memories to it, and he couldn't fuss over the loss of a few material objects. Not when there was so much more on the line.

“Here you are,” Shadow handed him the mug, and Silver smiled up at him, still not able to actually meet Shadow's eyes, and squashing down the feeling of his heart continuously breaking and healing—he'd almost forgotten that Shadow wasn't going to be leaning down to kiss him before he went to sit back down, the way he used to. The way he never would again.

“Thank you,” Silver said, quickly, and turned his nose back to the book, sipping the hot chocolate in tiny little bits to avoid burning his tongue.

Shadow watched him surreptitiously from his own seat, but didn't ask any more questions for the moment, just tried to work out why this scene felt so damn familiar.

…

The storm didn't let up. If anything, it got worse as the night progressed, and Shadow told Silver that he was absolutely free to stay the night, “There's a spare room, and no one should be out on a night like tonight.”

They'd managed to find something that looked like dinner, and ate in mostly silence, Silver staring morosely at his plate, and Shadow staring daggers into Silver's head, doing his best to read the white hedgehog's mind (an impossibility, but damn he wished it wasn't).

And shortly thereafter, he'd shown Silver down the tiny hallway where the small bedrooms and bathroom were.

“The guest room is right there,” Shadow waved a hand at the closed door; Silver took a breath, and slowly turned the knob to peer inside.

It was his room. Properly his room. There was his collection of shiny rocks—not gemstones, but just pretty colors, a lot of turquoise and amber and a few quartz crystals that had been presents from Rouge because she didn't have any space for them in her room—now covered with a layer of dust like they hadn't been touched in years. His cyan-trimmed silver silk robe embroidered with tiny stars, which Shadow had gotten him in reference to the fond nickname the black hedgehog had given him, still hung on a peg over the door. Fuzzy white cloud-themed slippers were still slid just under the bed, which was made impeccably in a way that Silver never, ever bothered with.

All of his photographs were gone though—one whole wall used to be covered, and now it was painfully blank. Like the universe remembered where he'd been, but he, himself, was just...gone. Snapped out of existence.

“Goodnight, Silver. Let me know if you need anything,” Shadow said, before his footsteps faded down the hall, and Silver had to force down the urge to whirl around and say, Yes! I need you to remember me, remember us, and Sonic, all of us together...this was why he hadn't wanted to see them. It hurt. It hurt so bad. Every movement, every expression that Shadow had was so right but so wrong and it felt like someone was twisting a knife into his heart.

He didn't want to stay. He never wanted to leave. This was home and it was an entirely foreign territory.

Silver clutched one hand to his chest, feeling like it would rip wide open as he collapsed onto the bed—his bed, but it didn't smell like him, there was no hint of his shampoo on the pillow, nor of Sonic's or Shadow's either—just a perfectly standard guest room. Silver pulled himself into a spiky ball of misery, and let the patter of rain lull him off to sleep.

…

The rumble of thunder, shaking the entire cabin, woke him up, eyes wide and panting with fear. Silver hated thunder—it always made him feel like he was back in the bad future, the ground rumbling in another earthquake as they huddled underground, speculating what building would have collapsed into the molten lava rivers this time. Who else would have been pulled down into the fiery inferno that covered their world.

Normally he'd call for Sonic or Shadow, and they'd come running with blankets and cookies and more hot chocolate, and snuggle together until he felt better or the storm passed by, but now...Silver shook as another deep boom echoed through the forest, hugging the pillow tightly...

His hand brushed against something, and he blinked, pulling it out from under the pillow...and sat up, staring.

It was a little crocheted plush doll that looked just like him: of course it did, because he'd made a matched one for each of them, back when he was super obsessed with crocheting: Sonic, Shadow, and Silver. Three Ss.

And here was his. White fur and amber eyes, smiling brightly. One solitary thing that the universe had somehow managed to miss when it erased him from reality. Proof that he had once lived here, once been a part of this world, a part of SonicandShadowandSilver.

He clutched the doll to his chest, burying his face in his knees to muffle his sobs.

…

Shadow didn't much care for thunder either: it always reminded him of gunfire and got his adrenaline kicking so that even if he'd wanted to sleep tonight, it definitely wasn't happening. Besides, there was too much weighing on his mind: his missing memories, the weird pushes the universe was giving him, Silver—he'd tried to settle down with one of his favorite books, pulled from the shelf he kept in his room, but even the familiar words couldn't calm his mind, the letters swimming across the page as his eyes blurred and he fell back into his thoughts.

Which meant that, even over the rain, he could hear the sound of crying. His ears flicked up intently, and set the book aside, following the noise to the guest room. He thought about knocking, but as he tapped his knuckles on the door, it swung open a few inches. Shadow slowly pushed the door open the rest of the way, sticking his head in.

He hadn't looked into the guest room earlier when he was showing Silver to it, but now he could see that it was surprisingly well-furnished and decorated—he wondered if Rouge had more guests over than she had admitted.

It was dark, but Shadow's night vision combined with the dim light from the hallway and a glittering night light meant that he could easily make out Silver's form, white fur practically effervescent, sitting hunched over, thin shoulders shaking with sobs. Shadow had to literally dig his claws into the trim of the door to prevent himself from rushing over to sweep Silver up in his arms—what was going on with him?

“Silver--” his voice shook, and he cleared his throat before trying again, “Silver, are you all right?”

Silver's head flew up, and Shadow dug his claws deeper into the door trim at the haunted expression on the white hedgehog's face, “Oh...I'm...I'm sorry Shadow,” Silver rubbed his nose and gave an obviously forced smile, “I didn't mean to disturb you.”

Now that Silver's head wasn't in the way, Shadow glanced at what he was cradling in his arms and had to do a double-take—it was a little crocheted doll that looked just like Silver—the same crown-like head quills, the same amber eyes...only the doll had a buttercup bright smile that dramatically contrasted with the fearfully aghast expression that the real hedgehog wore as soon as Shadow heard himself say, “Where did you get that?”

And chaos he couldn't say anything right around Silver apparently, because the white hedgehog glanced down and blanched, “Oh, um, I'm so sorry—I just found it here, sorry, I didn't mean to touch your stuff...”

“It's okay,” Shadow said, and then, impulsively, “Keep it—it's yours.”

For the first time, Silver's eyes lost a little of their constant nervousness, and he hugged the doll tighter to his chest, “Th-thank you Shadow.”

Shadow just nodded, trying to put things together that didn't make sense. If Silver had said that he doll was his, that he kept it in his quills as he traveled around, Shadow would have been mildly surprised at an adult hedgehog carrying something like that around, but nothing more than that. However, Silver's sudden rambling about how he'd found it here...made no sense. Why would Rouge have a white hedgehog doll here? Especially one that looked so similar to Silver, whom Shadow couldn't remember having ever seen before in his life, and who had such unusual coloring and quills...

“Shadow?”

Shadow jerked himself back to reality, realizing that he'd been standing awkwardly in the door, staring at Silver, who at least wasn't sobbing anymore, “Apologies—are you all right now?”

“...Yeah.”

Shadow absolutely didn't believe it, but also felt like there wasn't anything more he could do with how much his own head was spinning, so he slowly pulled his claws out of the door frame, wincing at the deep grooves that Rouge would definitely yell at him for, “All right—goodnight again, then.”

And Shadow hightailed it back down the hall.

He had been planning on sitting back in his chair by the window, but instead he found himself walking to the bureau and sliding open the top drawer, where he kept a few sentimental things—photographs mostly, of him and Rouge and Omega, more now of Sonic, since they started doing whatever it was they were doing, a few with Amy and Espio too: he and the Chaotix agent had bonded over being the quiet one in a group of massive extroverts. There were a few other things too—mementos of past victories and friends. But there, right on top, rolled a bit towards the back, was a crochet doll that looked just like Shadow—black fur, red stripes, and a fiercely protective look on his face.

Shadow stared: he only kept really important things in this drawer...so why didn't he know who had made this for him?

His brain knocked fiercely against the blocks in his memory, and Shadow slowly returned to his chair, carrying the doll and resting it in his lap. One thing, at least, was very clear: Silver was absolutely connected to his missing memories somehow. And he was not going to let the white hedgehog out of his sight until he figured out how.

…

Silver slowly blinked awake—the familiarity overwhelming him for a moment so strongly that he was sure any moment now, Sonic would come racing through the door to bounce on the bed and say, “Rise and shine Silvy! Time to get up!”

But, of course, the house stayed silent, and the dust undisturbed. No Sonic the Hedgehog here.

Silver hugged his doll closer—he didn't usually sleep with it, but since it was now again his and pretty much the only thing in the world that was, he didn't want to let it go.

Slowly, he sat up, and took in his room for the last time—the sheer white drapes embroidered with little flowers, the way the sun just touched the end of the bed, light reflecting off the shelves full of things that were no longer his—he could do this. He'd started out from scratch before, and he could do it again. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let go.

…

Shadow was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of what looked like coffee but Silver knew was actually jasmine tea, when Silver emerged, the doll stored safely in his quills, “Good morning, Silver. Did you sleep all right?”

“Yeah...thanks,” he lied, “Uh...” there was awkward silence for a moment, before Silver swallowed, “Thanks for letting me stay...um...I guess...I should get going though...”

“No!” Silver started, and Shadow cursed in his head—he just never said the right thing around the white hedgehog, “I mean—you haven't had breakfast; if you're going anywhere you should definitely eat something first.”

Silver blinked, “Oh...uh...yeah...I'd, I mean, if you want, I can actually make something, to thank you for letting me stay...”

“If you want.” Shadow felt a surge of relief: despite his offer, he had no idea what sort of breakfast-type food Rouge would have around here.

Silver, somehow, seemed to know perfectly though. He knew exactly where everything was, and Shadow couldn't help staring as the white hedgehog didn't even have to look for anything, opening cabinets in a way that looked like pure muscle memory, pulling a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator, and a block of cheese, before ducking down to a lower cupboard and finding vegetable oil and flour—he knew where the mixer was, and the bowls, without asking. And then, somehow, he floated up to the top of the refrigerator, surrounded by a cyan light, and reached into a truly tiny cabinet to pull out a bag of chocolate chips.

Shadow couldn't help asking, “How did you know those were there?”

Silver giggled, a sound that, for some reason, made Shadow's heart feel light and warm, “You were the one who told me to hide them there so that Sonic wouldn't keep eating all of them all the time!”

There was dead silence in the kitchen for a beat as Shadow stared at Silver, and the white hedgehog's eyes proceeded to grow to the size of dinner plates as he realized what he'd said, and desperately tried to backtrack, “That is...I mean...um...I don't know what I just said can you please pretend I didn't” (he knew that wouldn't work on Shadow, but he couldn't help but try it).

Shadow slowly stood up from the table, approaching Silver with slow, menacing steps, and Silver retreated until his back was pressed against the kitchen counter, his ears pressed flat against his head as he stared at the glowering black hedgehog.

“What...is going on?” Shadow practically growled, before slamming one hand down on the counter right next to Silver. The white hedgehog jumped, and Shadow had to shove his emotional response down again—his instincts were telling him that Silver was not dangerous whatsoever, but his rational mind screamed over them that he was a threat.

“I...I...” Silver was tongue tied, partially from being this close to Shadow, and remembering this exact same situation except that the predatory look in Shadow's eyes had come from an entirely different emotion, and partially because he so didn't want to be here: he shouldn't have come, he shouldn't have stayed...

A buzz came from Shadow's wrist communicator, and his red eyes flickered to the message, pondering for half a beat before he hit Answer.

Sonic's voice came through the call, and Silver couldn't help his ears pricking up at the sound of his other partner's voice, “Hey Shadow,” the use of Shadow's full name promptly indicated that this was not a social call, and something was seriously wrong.

“Yes, Sonic?” Shadow answered, his eyes once again fixed on Silver's.

“Tails just got some really...weird readings on his timespace thingy,” Shadow muffled a snort at Sonic's inability to remember technical jargon, “He thinks that there's a...what was it called, Tails?” The last part was called out, and a distant voice answered, “Temporal anomaly!”

“Yeah, that.”

Shadow's eyes narrowed, and Silver swallowed, “What sort of temporal anomaly?”

“Well, it'd be something that's not supposed to be in our timeline and is, or something that is supposed to be here and isn't. I think that's what Tails said. Anyways, since you've kinda dealt with stuff like this before, I thought I'd call you and...”

“I found him.”

A beat, and then Sonic replied, “...What?”

“I found the temporal anomaly. He's a hedgehog, and he's right here, standing in my kitchen.”

“Um. Okay. Tails did you hear that?”

“Yeah! Tell Shadow to bring him here—I can run some tests and see what's going on.”

“You heard him, Shads.”

“Be right there,” Shadow tapped the End Call button without looking down, and proceeded to continue studying Silver, who had kind of slumped down as the conversation continued, his ears tilting sadly to the side. This was all just turning into a disaster: he didn't think that Tails would be able to do anything except determine that, yes, he was in fact a temporal anomaly, and now he would have to see Sonic not recognize him too. He should have just left, just moved on and let them move on too: it would have been better for everyone, rather than have to run through this tangle of emotions. He wasn't sure his heart could take it.

But he still automatically held out his hand, expecting Shadow to take it and Chaos Control them to Tails' lab.

Shadow, however, titled his head, slight confusion in his eyes, “What...?”

“Aren't you going to Chaos Control us there?”

Shadow blinked in surprise, but apparently decided that everything could be further and better discussed with Tails and Sonic present, and in a flash of light the two hedgehogs disappeared.

Chapter Text

Tails' lab was the same as he remembered it—massively cluttered with bits of projects strewn around on every available surface; the guts of computers mixed in with soldering irons and welding equipment and yet somehow the fox knew where every single tool or invention was if you so much as mentioned the name. Silver had tried to help organize one day, and it was totally impossible because Tails would freak out if you moved even a single nut or bolt out of its designated place (even if that place was rolling around on the floor somewhere).

Silver could feel that Shadow was watching him intensely, and it took him a beat to realize that the black hedgehog was expecting him to feel negative side effects from Chaos Control. But Silver had just spent the last month inside of a warp in reality, and done plenty of teleporting before that, so this easy jump didn't even leave him slightly dizzy.

Something else did though.

A blue blur practically throwing himself at Silver in a tight hug, and for a breath, Silver forgot again, thinking that it was just Sonic being Sonic, that he'd hold him and tell him everything would be okay before leaning back and kissing him with lips that always managed to taste like chili dogs and grape soda...but then he felt the blue hedgehog stiffen, pulling back, as Shadow growled out a warning, “Sonic...” Silver squeezed his eyes shut: he couldn't see the look that would be on Sonic's face right now. But it didn't even help much, because the blue hedgehog's voice, slightly sheepish and confused, did exactly the same thing to his heart.

“Oh...uh...sorry, I thought you were...”

“I know.” Silver cut him off, sliding sideways around him and barely even looking at the blue hedgehog because if he did the tears that were filling his eyes would start falling down his cheeks. Tails. He could deal with Tails. No, the yellow fox still wouldn't know him, but it didn't feel like the same emotional punch to the gut that any interaction with the other two hedgehogs brought, “Hello Tails.”

Tails started at Silver already knowing his name, which struck the white hedgehog as a bit funny since the fox had already known that he was a temporal anomaly, but he recovered almost instantly and gestured at a circular platform with a bunch of monitors and other technical stuff circling it, “Just stand in there.” Silver did as he was told, keeping his eyes glued to his feet since he couldn't even summon up the ability to use his psychic powers.

A glass wall whooshed up as soon as he got to the center, and he continued watching the little lights blinking in a circle on the floor while trying his very best not to shoot glances up at where Silver and Shadow stood, obviously talking to each other although Silver couldn't hear through the glass. They were close enough that the edges of their hands brushed against each other, and Silver felt a slight swish of gratitude at the universe that apparently they still had each other, although they looked less touchy-feely than they had been with him around. Huh.

When the lights finally flickered off, the glass slid down and Tails' voice came back; “...okay so those readings should take about 15 minutes..so while that's processing, Silver,” (Shadow must have told them his name), “why don't you tell us what you know?”

Silver's eyes flickered to Sonic and Shadow for a beat again before focusing on Tails. He could do this if he just talked to the fox and pretended like the other two weren't even here; “O-okay,” he took a breath and started—telling them how he'd originally come from the future to help save the past, and then kept on coming back over and over until he just kind of ended up staying here, helping out when he was needed, “Until, a month ago, with that big portal; I went through it to turn it off, and you said that would erase me from reality. And I guess it did.” He very specifically mentioned nothing about his relationship with Sonic and Shadow, and kept his eyes focused on the yellow fox, who was nodding along as he tapped away at his keyboard.

“Does that check out, Tails?” Sonic's voice made Silver flinch slightly—he'd ALMOST managed to make himself forget that the other two hedgehogs were in the room—but he didn't think anybody noticed.

“Yeah it does, I think.” Tails pressed one last key, before looking up at Sonic, “I'll have to cross-reference a few events that Silver mentioned, but according to what I'm seeing from these reading outputs it directly corroborates his story: he was here, and basically just got a hard reset when that portal closed.”

“Well...can you fix it?” Silver hated the desperate hope in Sonic's voice because he knew that it wasn't about restoring the relationship he didn't even remember, and was entirely just because that was how Sonic was: he wanted to help everybody all the time. Chaos, it was no wonder Silver (and Shadow) had fallen for him so hard.

Tails bit his lip in concentration, his attention flicking back to his work as some more readings flashed up on the screen, “I don't know. I definitely can't change the universe as a whole back—that's beyond even the most advanced applications of Chaos Energy that we know of—but if I cross amplify the wave field emitting from the portal with the energy signatures from Silver, and combine that with what the universal background is currently doing, I might be able to find a way to reverse the effect on an individual memory, basically causing the two opposing waves to cancel each other out...”

Silver shook his head, interrupting, “Tails...it's...it's really okay. Just...if...if I'm not going to hurt anybody by existing, I can just go...” He waved a hand vaguely.

“No.” Silver was legitimately surprised to hear Shadow's voice, whirling to face the black hedgehog; he would have thought given his own interactions with him so far, that he would have wanted Silver to leave now that they'd established what he was, and that he wasn't a threat to them. But the way Shadow said it was so final that not a single other person in the room would argue with him—not that they wanted to in the first place.

And Silver could have sworn that there was just the tiniest moment where Shadow's eyes flickered to meet his own, and there was...something. But then it was gone, and Silver deflated, ears drooping and chiding himself in his mind again about the fact that he didn't freakin' exist and that to expect anybody to remember anything or feel anything about him after the first moment of confusion was just a fanciful delusion.

There was silence in the lab for a moment, before Sonic (of course) started asking questions again, “Okay, so you might be able to reverse some of the effects though—how long do you think that will take, Tails?”

“I'm not sure...at least a couple of days though, just in terms of getting the information and putting it together, but it could be longer.” Tails was typing away again as he spoke, already getting distracted by the new project.

“Okay.” Sonic nodded, “Well then, I guess, Silver? You need somewhere to stay while that's happening? Cause I would assume wherever you used to be doesn't exist anymore.”

“No.” Silver said, quietly, “It doesn't really.”

He could feel Shadow's eyes burning into him, and he had to glance up quickly to meet the black hedgehog's intense gaze, before he looked away again, and slowly meandered over to sit on the edge of one of the tables where there was a small clear space.

“Well I don't know that he can stay here,” Tails said, “We don't really have space...Shadow?”

Nope. Silver couldn't do that. He couldn't stay a whole week with Shadow (or Sonic) not knowing who he was, and having to see them every day in a house that wasn't his anymore.

“Can I...can I maybe stay with Amy?” The others stared at him, and Silver tried not to let it bother him. But he could deal with Amy—partially because while it had taken him years to break through Sonic and Shadow's veneers as chill laid-back hero and edgy, closed-off secret agent, Amy always wore her heart on her sleeve. She had been open and honest with him since day one, so he had no reason to think that would be significantly different now.

Plus, unless the universe had dramatically shifted, she still had a spare room in her bright, airy downtown apartment, which Silver had always enjoyed spending time in. Not to mention that her cooking was heavenly.

“Uh...” Tails glanced at Sonic, his signature tails waving with uncertainty, “We can call her?”

Sonic nodded, “Yeah. We probably should anyways, since it would be good to have more people know about all the temp—temporary---”

“Temporal anomalies,” Tails supplied helpfully.

“Yes, that.”

Silver waited, just staring at his hands, while they called Amy. He didn't listen much to the conversation, except he did perk up when he heard Tails say, as he hung up the phone, “Blaze is with her too, so they're coming over together.”

...

Amy and Blaze waltzed in, both absolutely dripping with bags stuffed with newly acquired clothing and accessories—and the moment they saw Silver, dejectedly sitting on the table, all the bags were on the floor while flames licked at Blaze's wrists from the fireballs in her palms, and Amy's hammer was in perfect pummeling position, “All right, who hurt him?!”

“Huh...” Tails said, apparently taking notes as their initial reactions faded; the two ladies blinked as reality caught up to them and they looked slightly confused.

Silver gave a little wave with a tight smile, “Hi. I'm Silver.”

“Silver's our resident temporal anomaly,” Tails said, “Which I explained to you on the phone. While I'm working on making something that might restore our memories of him, Amy, do you think he could crash at your place?”

Amy took one more look at Silver, squinting slightly, and then nodded, brightening right back up into her usual smiley self, “Sure!”

“Thank you, Amy.” Silver gave her a grateful nod, before he immediately found himself dragged off the table by the pink hedgehog.

“Come on, Silver—you look absolutely miserable here. Let's get you somewhere less...” she squinted around at the barely contained chaos of the lab, “Like...this.”

“Hey!” Tails huffed, but Silver knew that this was a regular banter of theirs, and Amy just waved the fox off and pulled the grateful white hedgehog along with her as she collected her various parcels. Blaze followed along with them, and Tails called after them, “Make sure you keep in touch Amy! I'll send you anything important--” and then he was cut off as the door slid closed and Amy rolled her eyes.

“Honestly, it's like he thinks I haven't dealt with time travel nonsense before,” she sighed, and then gave Silver another once-over, “All right, Silver was it? You look like you need several chocolate chip cookies and probably some coffee, too. Blaze? You sticking with us?”

Blaze had been studying Silver in silence since she and Amy had first walked it, and Silver was legitimately curious if her being from an alternate dimension would actually change what she remembered. Glancing up, he saw her sharp gaze flick over to Amy, “Yes. I will, if you don't mind.” And then she returned to studying Silver as the two of them followed their pink companion out of Tails' house.

…

“Okay, is it just me, or were you getting really weird vibes from Silver?” Sonic asked the instant that said white hedgehog was out of earshot and he'd pulled Shadow out into the hall to avoid distracting Tails from whatever the fox needed to do to fix the universe.

Shadow shot him a critical look, folding his arms, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean just...” Sonic ran a hand through his quills, “Like...the first thing I wanted to do was hug him? Even though I've never seen him before? You know me; that's not usually my thing.” Shadow nodded, thinking, as Sonic continued, “Is that just the temp—temporary--time stuff messing with me or...was that something you felt too?”

Shadow was absolutely not about to admit that his own feelings on Silver, ESPECIALLY after last night, were incredibly confusing and only becoming more so with every piece of information that he learned about the white hedgehog. But he had something else to bring up now that Silver was gone.

He reached into his quills and withdrew the little crochet doll of himself and waved it at Sonic, “Do you have one of these?”

Sonic gave him an annoyed glance since Shadow hadn't answered his question, but did say, “Yeah, of course I do, but...”

Shadow interrupted him before he could start another thought, “Who gave it to you?”

“I...” Sonic blinked, before closing his mouth, staring at Shadow for a second, and then finally saying, “I don't know.”

“Neither do I.” Shadow stared at the little facsimile, with its slightly messy, obviously handmade pattern, “But I think...” he hesitated, his secretive nature at war with the instincts that were telling him to share everything he could about this with Sonic, “I think it was him.” He nodded in the direction that Silver and the girls had left.

It took Sonic a moment to understand, and when he did his emerald eyes widened, “So that means...”

“I'm not making speculations on what it means yet,” Shadow wasn't going to go down that path: in his line of work, speculating was a great way to get extremely dead. Even when one was immortal, that was not a pleasant experience. He stuffed the doll back in his quills (he wasn't letting it out of his sight until this whole thing got figured out—partially due to a nagging fear that if he did, it would vanish along with his memories), and pushed past Sonic, “But I am going to try and figure out as much as I can from my contacts about that portal, and any other pertinent information to the situation.”

“O...kay,” Sonic sounded a little sad, and Shadow sighed slightly, more in amused exasperation than anything else, before pausing and turning back with a quick look around the hall to make sure nobody was still hanging around. Sonic looked up hopefully right as Shadow crushed their lips together, and the blue hedgehog sighed happily into the kiss, which lasted only a few moments before Shadow stepped back.

“I have work to do, faker.”

“Same, I guess. Gotta see what I can dig up.” Sonic gave Shadow his signature wink and thumbs up, and then he was gone, the air crackling after him and Shadow's quills blowing in the wake of his departure.

And Shadow wasn't sure how to unpack the very distinctive feeling that he should have done the same thing to Silver before he left.

Chapter Text

People had always said that Silver wore his heart on his sleeve. And that was generally true. Happiness, frustration, fear, anger—all were easy to read from his expressions and actions. But the one that he had always, always at least tried to conceal was sadness. After all, where he'd been raised, if you let yourself give in to sadness in the heat of a battle...well, you probably wouldn't make it out. And on top of that, Silver had always been The Optimist. That was his role. He was the one who was supposed to be Happy. He wasn't supposed to cry. Always putting on a brave face, always looking ahead for the bright ray of sunshine in the dark red night. Even after he moved to the past full time...he was still the naive, chipper, happy-go-lucky one. Always.

And now he'd already broken down at the library when he first came to terms with this new reality...and then again in his own room, because he'd had the audacity to feel safe for a minute, before Shadow came in...so he'd told himself that was it. He would not fall apart again, not in front of anyone at least.

And it would be fine. Silver was Fine.

He was absolutely, totally and completely Fine, because he was sitting in the bright, cozy kitchen at Amy's, across the checkered table from Blaze, and Amy was just pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven. How she'd managed to make them so fast was a mystery—although Silver had always suspected that Amy had powers more similar to Sonic and Shadow's than she let on to anybody.

They hadn't talked about anything serious on the way over here: Blaze was mostly silent, and Amy prattled on about everything and nothing in exactly the way Silver knew she would, and in exactly the way he wanted her to: what the most recent fashions were and why at least 50% of them were terrible (“Whoever said Orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed, I mean, come on right?”), how she'd absolutely annihilated one of those hammer games at the county fair and won herself the entire prize counter full of plushies—if Silver wanted one he was totally free to because they were taking up her entire hall closet—what she and Blaze had for lunch...an entire one-sided conversation of random things that Silver could just listen to without doing more than nod and softly smile.

And so he was Fine.

He was totally Fine right up until Amy set the plate of cookies in front of him, and, very delicately, he took one and bit into it.

The cookie was absolutely perfect: not so hot that it burned his tongue, but the chocolate still melting into his mouth and perfectly complemented by the delicate sweetness of the crumble surrounding it...and Silver couldn't stop tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“...Silver?” He couldn't even process if it was Amy or Blaze asking, he just kept taking bites of the cookie as tears slid off his face, droplets making a damp spot on the tablecloth, little hiccups coming between each nibble.

“I'm fine,” he said, thickly, voice cloaked by both tears and chocolate, but he couldn't stop crying—he couldn't stop replaying that scene from earlier, where Sonic had thrown himself at him, just like he always used to, and Silver had really freaking thought for just a second that the blue hedgehog had remembered him, and at least he would have that—and then the confusion in Sonic's voice, the warning in Shadow's, the way that every word, every glance, every movement of his two formal partners drove stakes through his heart.

“Silver...” he still couldn't process who it was, just that it was familiar, comforting voices, and that they were full of worry, and he just repeated again, “ 'M fine...”

And someone was wrapping their arm around his shoulders, and he stiffened for a second, before he couldn't resist turning and burying his nose into a red dress that smelled like summer flowers and chocolate chip cookies, scrunching his hands into the fabric as he tried and failed to stop the sobs that rolled through him again. Amy's hand stroked soothingly along his back, as she murmured, “Shhh...shhh...Silver, sweetie...just let it all out, there, there...”

Silver knew that his tears were staining her dress, and that he shouldn't be falling apart like this where anybody could see, but all that did was twist together in his stomach, melding into more sharp despair, which pushed itself back up his throat as he disintegrated into a hedgehog-shaped mess on Amy's shoulder.

He couldn't even think straight: everything was a messy white blur. He should have left, he should never have let himself see them again—just leave well enough alone, he knew how to do that, he'd done it before with everyone in the future...all the names and faces he could remember perfectly, smudged with soot and seared with determination that were now bright and happy and completely clueless to the part he'd played in their salvation. And here he was again...in the same freaking situation, except he hadn't had the bravery to actually leave like he should have. He should go, he should go, he should go...but Amy's arms were too tight around him, and she held him close as his thoughts faded into exhaustion.

It took a long time before his deep, wrenching sobs turned into quieter sniffles, and even longer before he was fully silent, eyes squeezed shut, hands still clenched in the material of Amy's dress, “I'm...I'm sorry...I should go...” his voice hurt, coming out thick and raw still, and Amy hugged him tightly.

“Oh, Silver...first of all, you are staying right here. Don't you even think of running off: you know we'd find you.” He did. It made his heart both hurt and swell at the same time, “And second, you have nothing to be sorry about. As far as I can tell, you sacrificed everything to save the world: we should be celebrating you, not forgetting you. We'll figure it out. You should know we always do.”

Silver sniffed: he couldn't make himself believe Amy's words, but he did his best to at least try and use them to light a tiny little flickering candle of hope in the back of his mind. Before locking it in a closet, because if he looked too long at it, he might actually start to think he had a shot of getting his boyfriends back.

At getting his reasons for living back.

He knew he must look a complete and total mess as he finally leaned back, and Amy let him go: he was sure that his fur was ruffled, and his eyes were red and puffy. He rubbed his damp face fur on the back of his wrist without meeting Amy's eyes, and looked back down at the table, where the cookies that had started this all still stood, getting cold.

“They were...really good cookies, Amy.”

“Have another one, Silver. I think you need the extra chocolate.”

“He always did like sweet things...” Silver had actually almost forgotten that Blaze was even there, and her comment made him jump slightly in his chair, as he whirled to look at her. The purple feline had a furrow in her brow, and was biting her lip, eyes focused on something that was invisible to the other two, “You...always did like sweet things.” Her eyes snapped up to Silver's, “You always went for the brownie sundae at anywhere we ate.”

Silver's mouth was hanging open slightly, because how did Blaze know that, “Blaze...? Do you...?”

She shook her head, just slightly but it was enough to drop Silver's heart again, “I...I can remember a few individual things. You look...familiar. Like I should know you. And there are just...random bits and pieces that come into my head. But I know you're real.”

Blaze's confession was such a weird mix of emotions for Silver. Elation that she remembered anything, followed by devastation that she didn't really know who he was, followed by an air of confusion at how that was possible at all.

Amy beat his sadness-lagging brain to that question, though, “Blaze—you remember him? How?”

Blaze shook her head again, “I do not know. But I would presume it has something to do with the fact that I was not present in this particular universe when Silver was wiped from it: therefore I am experiencing some of the effects but not all of them.”

“Huh...” Amy set her jaw stubbornly, as Silver glanced back at her; she smacked a fist into her open palm, “Well we'll just have to get your memories back, just the same as everyone else's! But first...” she grabbed a cookie and pressed it into Silver's hand, “Eat more chocolate.”

…

Blaze took her leave eventually, but not before giving a well-fed Silver (he'd had about a dozen of Amy's cookies in the end, and felt MUCH better for it) a tight hug.

“I will do what I can to remember more, my friend.” She smiled at him, and he wavered a small smile back, before he was left with Amy.

“Come on, Silver. I assume you already know where the guest room is?”

“Yes. Thank you, Amy.” He followed her anyways as she showed him to the sun-drenched room, a huge window on one side looking out over the cityscape. The walls were a soft pastel pink, which made the fluffy white bedspread look slightly pink as well. It felt like Amy.

“Do you...” Amy hesitated in the door, “Do you want to be alone, or do...”

“Um...I might just need a minute.”

“Of course. I'll be out cleaning up the kitchen.” She turned to go, but Silver stopped her.

“Amy.”

“Yes?”

Silver's eyes drifted down to the floor again, “Thanks...thank you so much for letting me stay here. I...I couldn't...stay. With S...” he had to forced the names out, spitting them so fast they were barely words, “SonicorShadow. So. Thank you.”

“Of course, Silver.” He felt her hesitate again, but in pure Amy fashion she couldn't help asking, “Can I ask...can I ask why?” She recanted immediately, of course, “You don't have to answer if you don't want to.”

Did he want to?

He...he kind of did. It might be nice to have someone know...but what if it never came back? But no...Amy wouldn't tell on him; she wouldn't spill his secrets to anyone (he knew, because she'd never said a WORD about who broke the vase at that one museum they'd gone to, or how that fake rubber spider had ended up in Sonic's shoes, or any of the various other hijinks they'd gotten up to over the years).

“They...we...” Silver stumbled over the words, sinking back onto the bed (it was so plush he more or less actually sank into it—he would have to ask Amy what kind of mattress this was and get one for his bed...if he had a bed again...Stop it Silver). Back on track. Deep breath.

“We were dating.” He avoided her eyes: he wasn't sure what the relationship between her and Sonic were in this timeline, since she had grown up with an infatuation with the blue hedgehog, and he wasn't sure if Sonic and Shadow had made their relationship (if, in fact, it still was that) public. In his old universe, she and Blaze were actually...well. Not dating per se, not yet, but enamored. It hadn't looked like they were on quite the same level here, which made sense, since Silver had been a major player in getting them to admit their feelings for each other.

“Oh...” he couldn't tell from her voice what emotion she was expressing, and he glanced up quickly, hoping that he didn't see disappointment—but no, instead, her face was deeply sad, “Silver...I'm so sorry.”

He looked away again, playing with a thread on the bedspread, “It's...what it is.”

If he'd been looking up, he would have seen Amy open her mouth, before she thought better of it, and just nodded; there was nothing she could really say to make it better right now, “Let me know if you need anything, okay? Even if it's just silent company. Or...you probably know that I don't do silent really well, so talkative company...”

Silver couldn't help the slight fond smile that found its way onto his muzzle, as he mumbled, “Thanks Amy...”

She smiled, and slipped out, letting the door click shut behind her.

…

Amy pressed herself up against Silver's door as soon as it closed, blinking away her own little tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She wasn't even entirely sure as to why, but somehow she felt like she knew exactly how Silver felt: like someone she loved had been taken away from her and she wasn't even sure she knew how to get it back.

Well.

She didn't know what to do about her own feelings on the subject, but she prided herself on being the one to get her friends to work out their issues. After all, once she had finally realized that Sonic would never like her back the way she liked him, she was the one to instantly pick up on the fact that he looked at Shadow the way she used to look at him. And she was the one who bugged him until he finally admitted those feelings to Shadow.

Although...if where Silver came from, he was part of that relationship too...she wondered, vaguely, how that had worked...

Well she wouldn't know. And it wasn't important for the moment. What was important was finding her phone and texting the top number in her contacts list.

Amy: Sonic.

Sonic: yeah ames?

Amy: I just talked with Silver. And you and Shadow are going to have to...figure some stuff out.

Sonic: whattaya mean?

Amy bit her lip. She wasn't going to tell on Silver: that was his secret to tell. But she also needed Sonic to help her out a bit here.

Amy: He...he needs help, Sonic. And eventually that's going to have to come from you and Shadow. So you two need to figure out how you want to do that.

Sonic: ames im sorry i dont know what you mean

Amy: Just...ugh...just come over sometime later this week, okay? Once I get the chance to talk to him more.

Sonic: okay

Amy sighed. She pondered texting Shadow too, but something prevented her from hitting his number. It wasn't that they weren't close: she and Shadow had known each other for years now, but...his aura, the vibe he'd been giving off back in Tails' workshop made her set down her phone. Sonic could deal with whatever was going on there: she had her hands full with one universally displaced white hedgehog who definitely needed a really fantastic dinner. She was thinking...lasagna...garlic bread...marinara sauce...

And with those thoughts, Amy turned to the kitchen, humming to herself as she got to work.

Chapter Text

“Your favorite season...is winter...even though you get really cold, because you love Christmas and hot chocolate and wearing cute scarves. Your favorite genre of music is...pop. Like early 2000s super dancy songs—you were totally a Cascada fan, weren't you? And...your favorite breakfast food is peanut butter pumpkin waffles with chocolate chips...”

Blaze's face was scrunched up in concentration as she wracked her brain, occasionally gesturing with her ice cream spoon. Silver sat across from her, licking his own mint-chip ice cream cone, and nodding when she got things right, which was about ninety percent of the time. They'd discovered over the past few days that Blaze could mostly remember random facts about him—things about his personality, likes and dislikes and such, but she couldn't remember specific events hardly at all. Silver had asked her about a whole bunch of adventures, and while she could usually remember herself being there, and had this weird inkling that there was someone missing from her memory, she couldn't remember what Silver had actually said or done.

But it was a start. And it was at least something.

Amy couldn't remember things about him at all, but she more than made up for it by being a constant ray of sunshine. The first day, she and Silver had just stayed in her apartment, giving him some time to just be without any extra pressure. They'd baked some more, trying their hand at an angel food cake that had actually turned out really well, and then Blaze had come over and they'd used said cake in a chocolate fondue that had been amazing. And Silver could almost pretend that things were normal.

Except for the big two-hedgehog-shaped hole in his heart. Which he tried not to think about.

Other than that, Amy had been consistently lovely. They'd gone out to get food, seen a movie together (he'd insisted on bringing Blaze to that too), and then, today, they'd finally managed to get to the mall because, as Amy pointed out, “You're staying here for awhile, Silver, and you need some things of your own.” She'd already given him a truly stupidly enormous hippopotamus plushie from her hall closet hammer game winnings that Silver absolutely adored; it was so big it barely fit in the guest bed with him and he absolutely did not care and had named it Reginald and snuggled up to it every night. But he needed just...everyday things. New gloves, some new clothes, yarn so he could keep knitting...Amy was good at keeping track of that, so he let her remember the list and mostly just followed her around, trying on whatever she told him to try, and giving his opinion on non-clothes items that she piled into carts and baskets.

Blaze had met them at the mall and they'd hit most of the major stores before Amy spotted a super sale on dresses, and gone off to browse while Silver and Blaze had gotten ice cream.

He'd had to tell Blaze about him and Sonic and Shadow too. She'd actually kind of known about it anyways, what with her partial memories, and it was much better that he explained it rather than have her guess it at an awkward moment.

“Yeah...those are all right, Blaze.”

“Good,” she smiled, delicately scooping up another spoonful of ice cream, “It's getting a little easier the more time I spend with you—more things keep making sense and slotting into place.”

“I'm glad—I wish everyone were like that...” Silver stared sadly out over the food court full of people who might once have recognized him from a newspaper headline photo or two.

“Silver...I know you miss them. But you also know Tails, and you know that he won't stop working until he's figured something out.”

“I know...I just...I worry that it's not possible, Blaze. He's talking about undoing something that the universe did—that's pretty big.”

Blaze raised a perfect eyebrow, “But he's done just as impressive things before, hasn't he?”

“Yeah...”

“And so have you. And so have all of us. We'll find a way to fix everything, Silver, I promise.”

Silver gave her a little half-smile, “I know...it's just...if it doesn't work, Blaze, I think I can rebuild everything else. But not them. Not what we had. Because it will always be “I remember when this happened...” and they won't, and it won't be something I can just tell people about, like lots of other stuff? Because it was so much more than just a story...”

Blaze nodded sympathetically, but then her forehead creased again, “I know how that is; I feel the same way with...Wait...Silver.” She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, before slowly saying, “Were...were Amy and I dating in your universe?”

“Uh...” Silver's eyes got wide. He hadn't actually expected her to remember that: he'd kind of been pushing to bring her along on his and Amy's outings the past few days because he had expected it from his timeline, and it was so obvious to him how they kept freakin' side-eyeing each other when the other wasn't looking, but it was also obvious that they didn't know what to say about it. It had been the same way with them back in his timeline too, “Yeah. Or, I mean, you didn't like the label of 'dating' but you were...together.”

Blaze's expression was unreadable, even for Silver, “Oh...I see.”

“Blaze?”

She blinked, “Apologies, Silver. I...just wondered.”

Well Silver wasn't going to let that slide, “Do you like her?”

“...yes. But Amy...she's always so forthcoming with everything else, so up front about her thoughts and emotions. And she's never shown any indication that she has any...feelings towards me.”

Silver shook his head, “You just don't see it because you're too close. But even in the last couple days I can see the way she looks at you when she thinks you're not looking. And...you know that she got pretty burned by Sonic when she was too up front about liking him. So she's probably really shy about saying anything now.”

Blaze studied him, “Are you saying this because you think it or because you know it.”

Called out, “Uh...both kinda. It's pretty much the same thing I told you when we had a similar conversation back in my timeline.”

“And it worked out there...” Blaze murmured, starring into the melting remnants of her ice cream cup.

“Yeah...it did.” Silver didn't know whether to lay it on thick, and finally decided not to, not yet, since for Blaze he'd technically only been around for a few days. Instead, he just gave her an encouraging smile when she looked back up, and their conversation was cut short because Amy came bouncing back, once again covered in shopping bags (“LOOK at how CUTE this dress is! And these little hammer earrings, aren't they PERFECT” “Yes Amy, they definitely are.”) and they all piled back to Amy's house.

…

Silver managed to get his new purchases stowed away in the guest room closet by dinner time. Blaze had gone, bowing out due to some previous royal engagement, so it was just him and Amy again, which was fine with him.

Partially because it gave him the opportunity to try and bring up her and Blaze.

Which was a great opportunity to derail her from what she was trying to get him to talk about.

“So...Silver...I know it hasn't been that long, but I think you should talk to Sonic and Shadow.”

Silver looked away, folding his arms, “Amy, you know why...”

“I'm not saying you need to tell them about your relationship. But...just seeing what they might remember if they spend some time with you.”

His eyes flicked up to hers, “Have you remembered anything?”

He had her there, “...no. But I also assume I wasn't as close to you as they were. And Blaze remembers...”

“But she's from another universe...oh, hey Amy?”

“Yes?” She squinted, not going to be distracted...

“Do you like Blaze?”

She was distracted, a slight blush instantly coming to her cheeks, “...What?”

Silver tried to look nonchalant, “I mean...I've just seen how you two look at each other, and I was wondering...”

Amy folded her arms, forcing her blush to Go Away, “I mean...she's beautiful and sophisticated, and one of my best friends. Of course I like her.”

That wasn't an answer, and they both knew it. Silver drummed his fingers on the table, staring fixedly at Amy in a way that really wasn't very intimidating at all, and yet still had Amy avoiding his gaze, “Aaaamy....”

“Okay fine, yes, I do. But she's...she's a princess, Silver. She'd never want...someone like me. I'm loud and I talk to much, and I mean...she has this huge palace with servants and stuff, and I just have a little apartment overlooking downtown...it would never work.”

“Hmmm...” Silver was actually trying to play dumb here a little bit, knowing that his wondering tone would get Amy to promptly ask.

“What?”

“Well...I was talking with her today when we were eating ice cream, you know, she...” He paused.

Amy was now obviously hanging on his every word, leaning forward, eyes bright, “She what?”

“Well. She said that she thought she might like you too.”

Amy's breath came out in a whoosh, and she leaned back, not sure how to process that information. And certainly not sure what to do with it. But then she squinted back at Silver, “You do realize that I'm not letting you out of talking to Sonic and Shadow, though, right?”

Silver deflated slightly, his ears drooping, “I was kinda hoping you'd forget about that.”

“Nope.” Amy thought for a moment, before she smiled, raising a finger, “Hey. What if we made a deal?”

Silver raised a brow, “What kind of deal?”

“I'll talk to Blaze, if you at least try to talk to Sonic and Shadow. About...feelings.”

Silver bit his lip, looking reluctant, but he finally nodded and Amy felt a surge of relief because a) she kind of did want to talk to Blaze and b) Silver ABSOLUTELY needed to talk to Sonic and Shadow about what was going on with them...even more so if Tails' invention didn't work, or didn't work for a long time.

“Thanks, Silver.”

“Anytime,” he mumbled, staring down at the table.

…

Amy: Hey are you and Shadow free tomorrow?

Sonic: uh lemme check...

Sonic: yeah looks like were both around

Amy: Will you come take Silver out? You three need to talk. We already discussed it some, so he knows.

Sonic: uh okay yeah ill tell shads

Amy: Thanks Sonic.

Amy:...hey Sonic?

Sonic: yeah?

Amy: Do you think...do you think that Blaze and I...could we ever have a chance together?

Sonic: o boy ames youre probably asking the wrong guy

Amy: Please?

Sonic: yeah i do

Amy: Thank you, Sonic.

…

Silver had agreed to Amy's deal, but he wasn't actually expecting her to cash in on it so soon, so when he heard the doorbell ring the next day, he thought nothing of it until he heard a voice that made his heart stutter to a stop.

“Hey Ames!” Silver sunk lower into the chair at the table as the blue hedgehog owner of that incredibly happy-go-lucky voice zoomed into the apartment, followed, aptly, but a black hedgehog who looked like his shadow, “Uh...hey Silver. We were thinking of going out...You okay?”

“Yeah.” Silver's answer came out clipped, and he struggled to modulate his voice to something less strained and added, “Amy's been really great.”

“She is!” Sonic grinned at the pink hedgehog, who gave Silver a Look, that translated to We agreed to this, and Silver sighed to himself, before slowly getting up.

“Aw, you don't have to look so sad, Silver.” Sonic grinned at him, and he forced his heart to not wriggle happily at that.

“You don't have to come if you don't want to.” Shadow's voice cut in, the black hedgehog obviously able to see Silver's discomfort as his red eyes swept across the white hedgehog's body language.

Even Amy looked at him, her expression softening, “I think it would be a good idea for you three to just go out and spend some time together. But if you're not ready, Silver...”

He would never be ready. Never. But he'd already kind of ripped the band-aid off that one, and if he did this then at least he could bug Amy about Blaze, so he would power through for their happiness, even if he was miserable, “It's okay. Let's go.”

Everyone else watched him carefully, but Silver did his best to keep his expression flat. He could do this. He would do this. It would be fine and he would be fine; just pretend, Silver, that it was back in the old days, before. When he had first come to the past, and Sonic and Shadow were just two more faces in a long parade of new friends. He could do this; he held his head high and swept past the others out the door.

Silver didn't know where they were going though, and so even though he made it downstairs to the pavement long before the other two (he was sure they were probably talking to Amy about him), he had to wait, arms crossed behind his back in the way he did when he was uncomfortable or nervous. But he made sure to stand up straight again as soon as the other two appeared.

“So where are we going?”

They exchanged a glance, and Sonic spoke, “Down to the marina, if that's okay?”

“Yeah.” Silver would have said that to literally anything, and he pretended that a string of his heart didn't twang at the thought of how many times he and Sonic particularly had done exactly that. It was their spot—this one bench down by the riverside, under a tree where you could see the boats come in, right next to the world's best ice cream cart...

Silver realized he'd been lost in thought when Sonic's voice cut through the fog like a knife, “Hey—you okay?”

“Yeah.” Short and to the point again, “Let's go.”

He knew the way, and so he made a point to stay one step ahead of Sonic and Shadow, because if he wasn't looking at them, he could continue to just pretend that he was out on a nice walk, enjoying himself, and not trying to keep himself from falling to pieces by turning all the jagged edges outwards into a prickly ball.

Even so, he at least kind of managed to relax as they went; Sonic and Shadow were obviously not pushing him, keeping their distance, which was both wonderful and terrible, but at least Silver could put it down to his own prickly attitude. And...hey, at least it really was a beautiful day. The leaves were just starting to change, shimmering golds and reds beginning to blossom where before there had only been emerald green—Silver had missed the last month of summer. And the breeze coming off the river was cool and refreshing, promising days of whirling winds and twisting leaves...Silver remembered, last autumn, he and Sonic and Shadow had spent an entire day running around the garden, chasing the leaves falling down from the enormous old trees around the cabin. Of course, all of them had a significant advantage over nature, but they were pretending not to use it—but as they day wore on, they just cheated more and more until Sonic was racing around in a blue tornado, Shadow was teleporting into midair, and Silver just used his telekinetic abilities to sweep all the leaves into a giant pile that they proceeded to dive into.

A ghost of a smile was actually flickering across Silver's face at that, until he crashed back into reality and had the truly sobering thought that something like that might never happen again. Oof.

But. He'd promised he'd try this. For Amy. So he needed to try harder.

He forced a smile onto his face, shoved his feelings down, and let Sonic and Shadow catch up.

As they wandered, they (and by 'they' he meant Sonic. Shadow stayed characteristically silent) asked him sort of menial questions—how was Amy doing, how was he feeling, anything interesting in the last few days—and he answered as lightly as he could. How Amy seemed fine, how he was doing better, how he'd managed to get the giant stuffed hippopotamus and a bunch of new accessories at the mall, so he was making himself more at home...

They seemed mostly happy with the answers, but the continuing glances between them whenever there was a break told Silver that they were dancing around something...avoiding a question that would come later.

He could guess what it was. He hoped they didn't get to it. So, instead, he distracted them by pointing out a new little pop up food truck—perfect, since there were no memories, good or bad, associated with it from before, and they all got food (Silver got dessert, Shadow just had an appetizer, and Sonic basically cleaned out the entire place because that's how it always went).

And for half a moment, it wasn't so bad. They took their food down to a little pier with benches and a railing that looked right over the water, and Sonic threw french fries at Shadow, who looked like he was going to absolutely murder him for it, and Silver actually almost laughed because it was so terribly in character. His dessert—a pastry piled with strawberries and whipped cream and nutella—was quite delicious, and if he closed his eyes, he could just pretend, again, that he was back home...

“Silver?”

Crap.

He opened his eyes, trying to feign innocence, but he'd heard the serious tone even in his name, “Yeah?”

Sonic hesitated before continuing, “Amy...she said that we needed to talk about something. She wouldn't say what, but...that it was important.”

Well at least she hadn't told them. He was slightly miffed that she'd said anything at all, but he knew that it was the same care that made him meddle in her and Blaze's lives so he would forgive her. But he didn't say anything, just waited for Sonic to fill the silence with a blank amber stare.

The blue hedgehog rubbed the back of his head, ruffling his quills, “So...uh...yeah. Um. I...,” he cast a glance at Shadow, who had remained almost entirely silent this entire time, red eyes shuttered closed, and expression blank, “We...we wanted to know. What it was. Who were you? To us?”

Silver looked away; he didn't want to have this conversation. Even if he told them, and they started over again now, like he'd told Blaze, it wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't remember so many things that made them them. But he could feel Shadow's eyes burning into him and Sonic would start poking him in a moment, with words at the very least, he knew, so he sighed, and answered, “We were...together. The three of us.” He glanced back at Sonic, who was staring.

“Like...together together?”

Silver had to bite his lip and still responded more testily than he really meant to, “Like we lived together and kissed each other and all that, yeah.” He folded his arms and hunched his shoulders as Sonic just said, “Oh,” and Shadow, unsurprisingly, didn't say anything.

“Yeah.” Silver said, staring into the blue-gray waves with hard eyes, and before he could stop himself, he continued, “And it was really nice, you know, having someone finally. But the truth is that even if you were even remotely interested in me anymore, which you really shouldn't be, since I'm nothing special anyways, it can't. Work. Anymore. I remember too much, and you don't remember anything, and that's just how it is, and how it always will be now.”

Silver's eyes were filling with tears dammit he'd promised himself he wouldn't cry in front of Sonic or Shadow any more, and his walls were breaking down, everything he'd built up the past few days collapsing into rubble, “So, you know. Maybe...maybe it would have been better if I hadn't come back at all.”

“Silver...” Sonic started, and the white hedgehog saw a peach hand reaching for his shoulder, but flinched away, standing and whirling to face the other two.

“I can't! I just...I can't. I'm sorry. I can't right now.” And before the other two could even say a single other word, Silver levitated up into the air, and disappeared in a streak of blue back across the city towards Amy's apartment, where he could snuggle up in his bed with Reginald the stuffed hippopotamus and cry again.

…

Amy: What. Did you do.

Sonic: we literally just asked him what was going on

Amy: Did he tell you? The whole thing?

Sonic: yeah

Amy: …

Amy: Then you'd better figure out what you're going to do about it.

Chapter Text

Sonic had tensed into sprinting form, immediately ready to run right after Silver, and intent chasing him all the way back to Amy's apartment, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Shadow?” he glanced back at the black hedgehog: even this much touch in a public space was a lot for him.

“He needs a minute.” The black hedgehog said softly, “I think we do, too.”

For a moment, it looked like Sonic was going to ignore that and just race after Silver anyways, his eyes stubbornly defiant, but after a beat he sighed, energy deflating, “You're probably right. I...I never would have thought...”

“Yes, you would have.”

“What?”

“You can feel it too, can't you? That...something is missing. I remember you texting me, that first night that things were wrong. You felt it too.”

Sonic hesitated, before shaking his head—not a negative answer, but as if to dislodge something and straighten out his thoughts, “I don't know—maybe? Ugh, Shadow...we were only just figuring stuff out...”

“I know.”

Sonic shook himself again from head to toe, fur fluffing out as he began bouncing from foot to foot, “I'm going for a run—I gotta think.”

Shadow nodded and stepped back; Sonic flashed him a little smile and wave before taking off with a BOOM and disappearing into a dust cloud in the opposite direction Silver had flown.

Shadow stared after him for a long time.

…

Rouge was pretty sure she deserved several medals, as well as a whole treasure chest full of shiny gems, for dealing with Shadow right now. Her roommate was once again pacing a trail through their living room—she was going to need to buy all new carpet the way this was going. He'd explained to her the situation: that the thing apparently missing from his memories was, in fact, a third partner in his relationship with Sonic, and that now he and Sonic had to deal with the fact that while neither of them remembered him, Silver remembered everything.

“I don't know, Rouge—or, I do know, but it doesn't make sense!” He'd been saying this same thing, or at least very approximate variations of it, for the last 20 minutes, and Rouge had been, up until this point, just letting him go, to see if maybe he could actually figure it out for himself. But by now, she was pretty sure that was hopeless: she adored Shadow, but the black hedgehog could be seriously dense about emotions sometimes.

“Shadow, hun.” He paused for a second to look at her, and Rouge was actually astonished at the haunted expression on his face, one that she couldn't remember ever seeing before, not even when he was convinced that he was just a face replica of a long-dead anti-hero.

“Rouge. What do I do?” Actually point blank asking for help: now she knew she was living in crazy town; Shadow the Hedgehog, admitting he needed assistance. But now was NOT the time to capitalize on that, or make any comment about it.

Rouge stood up and walked over to him, resting her hands on his shoulders, “Shadow. I love you, and I know that you have spent years forcing yourself to think only with your head, making sure that your emotions are not part of the equation, because you've had to, in order to survive. That makes you a fantastic secret agent. But, in this rare situation, I think you have to trust your heart.” She poked one finger to his chest, “Because you told me, that very first night, that something was missing from your memories. And it looks like it really is him.”

Shadow looked down, ears sliding slightly sideways in a gesture of helplessness that Rouge knew nobody else but her got to see, “I don't know what to do, though...”

“Of course you do. You follow your heart. And do not loose him,” Shadow looked up at that, meeting Rouge's eyes, “I know a lot about treasure hunting. And from that, I can tell you, the rarest treasures must be handled the most delicately, and are also the hardest to hold on to. But, of course, they are by far the most valuable. So make sure you do not loose your greatest treasure, Shadow.”

He didn't say anything for several long moments, and finally just gave a stiff nod, before brushing past Rouge towards the door, “I'm going out.”

The unspoken to think things through echoed through the silent apartment.

…

Silver had gone back to Amy's apartment, blasted through her living room like a hurricane (sorry Amy), and dived into bed where he had started crying again, dangit, leaving a damp spot on Reginald's soft fur, because DAMMIT he couldn't do it. He just couldn't stand there with them and pretend that everything was okay. He'd tried—he really had—but maybe he had been right with his first instinct, to leave...but...but Amy's house was warm and comfortable, and Blaze was trying to remember, and maybe, maybe, maybe...his thoughts went round and round as his tears slowly dried and, eventually, he'd just fallen asleep, totally exhausted.

But the trouble with taking a four hour nap in the early afternoon was that now, after Amy had quietly knocked and handed him a tray with a superb dinner on it, when the sunset had come and gone and lights were glowing all across the city, he wasn't tired. So, Silver was leaning on his windowsill, the glass pushed open so that the cool night air could flow in. It didn't feel the same as the pine-scented breezes from the cabin, but Silver liked watching the world move around him: every light was a life, every bit of laughter caught on the wind from conversations down in the street a glimmer of happiness, every murmur of air through Amy's rose-colored sheer curtains whispering alive, we're alive, living is beautiful.

It was nice to remember. That, yeah, today had not been great. Seeing Sonic and Shadow together had just been...too much. But he'd at least done it, and now Amy was off his back about it and they knew. He wasn't sure what they would do with the information...wasn't sure they'd even believe him...but now it wasn't his problem. The only thing that was was to lean on the window sill and try to feel sleepy enough to climb back into bed.

Maybe if he closed his eyes? But that only made his ears more sensitive, swiveling and trying to focus on all the different words, half-caught conversations, and his nose wrinkled at the scent of car exhaust, and popcorn from a street vendor halfway down the block...

Silver sighed, opening his eyes again—and nearly freaking fell over because Shadow appeared out of thin air on the fire escape about six inches in front of his nose.

“Holy!--Shadow?!” Silver clutched at his chest, “Don't DO that.”

“I am sorry,” Shadow actually did look rather bashful for half a second, as he crouched on the metal railing, “I didn't mean to startle you.”

“Ah...um...well...” Silver had no freaking clue how to respond to that; heck he wasn't even entirely sure he hadn't somehow fallen asleep and was now dreaming this (if Shadow kissed him, well, then he would know for sure it was a dream...anyways).

“I was just wondering...” Shadow actually seemed unsure of himself: it was such an odd thing for him that Silver pricked up his ears in interest, “If you wanted to come up and look at the stars.”

“Up?” Silver asked, blinking, brain still absolutely not caught up and heart still beating far too quickly.

Shadow gestured up the fire escape, “You can come if you want.” And with that, he disappeared up the skinny metal stairs.

Silver blinked again at the abruptness, but...to be fair, the last time he'd seen Shadow he had almost started crying and disappeared into a whirlwind across the city, so he probably didn't even know how to act around the white hedgehog. And uncertainty had a tendency to make Shadow even more short and to the point than normal.

He really wasn't sure, for a minute, but...but...there was that little voice, somewhere in the back of his mind, echoing a soft song in his heart, that made him, slowly, follow Shadow up the stairs.

…

Shadow had not meant to find himself on the rooftop across from Amy's apartment. When he'd gone out, he hadn't even started going towards the city, but somehow that's where he ended up anyways. And he certainly hadn't meant to notice Silver, leaning on his windowsill, staring out at the city, looking for all the world like a shimmering angel in the reflected light. He actually took Shadow's breath away, and the black hedgehog stood there in stunned silence for far too long. In fact, Shadow was actually surprised that the white hedgehog didn't notice him right away, until he realized that Silver's eyes were closed, even though his ears, flicking here and there, betrayed his very awake state.

And Rouge had said...follow his heart. His heart was over there, right next to Silver.

He really hadn't meant for Silver to nearly fall over when he Chaos Controlled onto the fire escape landing—but that seemed pretty par for the course with his inability to actually act right around the white hedgehog. And that fact made his heart twinge, but he shoved that down—conceal don't feel or something like that.

Especially after what had happened that afternoon, he just quickly came up with an invitation, and then skittered up the steps. If Silver followed...good. If not...well. He'd come up with something else. Somehow. Not going to think about that possibility right now.

For a moment, when he got to the roof and sat, draping his legs over the edge of Amy's building, he thought that Silver did not, in fact, follow him up. And the fact that that thought immediately sent his heart into twisted, painful knots did not make this situation any easier to deal with...he truly, legitimately, didn't know what he was going to do...but then, Shadow's sharp ears caught the slight clang of boot on metal, and a moment later, Silver's head popped over the edge of the roof, crown like quills perfectly framing his face against the backdrop of scattered lights, and Shadow could breathe again. He sat down a couple of feet from Shadow, not too close, but enough that they could comfortably hear each other.

Not that they were talking, at first. For a long few minutes, they just looked out across the city. Shadow counted the rings of lights, block after block, until they faded into the darkness of the river, and the distant plains and hills that rolled off into the countryside...but eventually it was him who finally broke the silence, “I am sorry. About today.” He glanced at Silver out of the corner of his eye.

“It's...okay. It wasn't your fault.” Silver fidgeted with his hands in his lap.

“It's not really okay. We shouldn't have pushed you, if you weren't ready...”

“That's the thing though. I'd never have been ready. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year. It would never have been easier, Shadow. So may as well get it over with.” Silver glanced at him, and then away again, “I...I didn't mean to be rude to you, though.”

“You weren't.” Shadow said softly. It was silent again for a few minutes, as turned his own gaze back to the city, and then looked up towards the sky. The lights made it hard to see, but a few of the brighter stars still shone down, and he pointed up towards one, “Can you see Deneb there—that bright one? That's in the constellation of Cygnus, the Swan.”

“Yes...” Silver's voice was quiet and sad, and Shadow felt his heart lurch slightly, but kept going.

“I love the stars. You can't see most of them very well here...did we stargaze at all, before?”

“Yes. You had a telescope in the closet: on warm nights—or even cold ones, if there was enough hot chocolate and we felt like it—we'd go out and look at the stars.”

“Did we see that comet last year?”

“Yeah we did. It was beautiful. It's odd how something so bright and...real could be so temporary.” Shadow thought so too. Comets had always been an oddity to him—he grew up with them as a consistent phenomenon, as they were so much easier to see from the ARK with their streaming tails of dust and gas blown away by the sun. They looked so pretty, but they were gone so soon, shooting back off into the distant reaches of the galaxy where no Mobian had ever seen, or, if they were unlucky enough to draw too close to the sun, breaking up entirely, lost into the depths of space.

Shadow lapsed into silence again for a moment, trying hard to force himself to remember seeing the comet with Silver. He could remember Sonic, now that he thought hard about it. That in of itself was odd—he didn't normally invite the blue hedgehog to things with anything that was delicate and might break. But he'd definitely been there, and they'd had hot chocolate, which also didn't make sense because it wasn't either Sonic's (coffee, unsurprisingly) or Shadow's (tea) drink of choice, but it apparently was Silver's...the white hedgehog fit so perfectly into so many gaps in his head that it just couldn't be a coincidence. And Rouge's advice from earlier echoed in his head: follow your heart and do not loose your greatest treasure.

He couldn't loose Silver. Somehow, some way, he knew that, instinctively. He'd known that since the first minute he'd seen the white hedgehog back at the cabin. He couldn't loose him again.

“I miss you.” He said impulsively, such an odd feeling for him; he wasn't sure he'd said it loud enough at first, but he heard the little gasp from Silver, instantly shooting the white hedgehog a quick glance before he continued, a little louder now, “You would know that I have had things mess with my memories before: I know what it feels like when that happens. So I can feel...your absence. I can feel the place that you're supposed to be.” Shadow sighed; he'd stopped looking at Silver, and was just talking to the city lights now, “I know that something in my head isn't right. Sonic and I...we're trying. To be something more than just...rivals, or friends even. But it never feels like we fit just right; it always feels like there's something missing between us. And I think maybe that was supposed to be you. And I miss what I don't have. I miss what I can feel should be there. I miss you.” He looked back at Silver, who was staring at him with liquid amber eyes, “Does that make sense?”

“I...yes.” Silver slowly reached up to put a hand over his own ridiculously fluffy white chest fur, right on his heart. Shadow's eyes found themselves drawn to it, and his mind wondered how soft it really was...., “It's like you're a piece of my heart that's been carved out and taken away.” Silver's voice was still quiet, soft and wavering, “I don't know how to get it back. I don't know if I can, Shadow. And it hurts.” Silver's voice broke on the last word, choked up again.

And Shadow couldn't help it; he slid sideways on the edge of the roof, and, before his brain could tell him this was a terrible idea, he swept Silver up into a hug.

…

Silver hadn't been expecting that at all. Certainly not from Shadow. But, to be fair, he hadn't expected Shadow to feel his absence either—that wasn't what Blaze had, but it was still so much more than nothing. Because maybe if Shadow knew where he was supposed to fit in...well, maybe he could find a way to make that work. A way to fit back in.

He stiffened instinctively in Shadow's arms, almost wanting to push away...but when he inhaled to say something about it, there was Shadow's smell. Lavender and sage and pine trees, and just a hint of rocket fuel from his skates and ozone from his chaos energy, and it smelled like home more than anything else, and Silver melted.

Because, yeah, maybe mentally this wasn't entirely his Shadow, but physically they were identical, and this was a purely physical reaction: Shadow's arms were warm, and his chest was soft, and Silver wanted it so much that it hurt to think of pulling away. So instead, he gripped his hands into the short fur of Shadow's shoulders, and buried his head in the black hedgehog's chest, trusting him to keep them from falling off the edge of the roof, and let himself go.

…

Shadow had actually been completely convinced that Silver would shove him away, tell him it was too much too soon, that he couldn't handle it again, and he would apologize, and go home and give Silver his space. But, instead, Silver melted into him and Shadow mindlessly let his hands drift up and down the white hedgehog's back comfortingly, without saying anything.

No words needed to happen here.

He knew that, because he could remember something so similar happening on the ARK, with him and Maria.

It had been a particularly bad day. Even though he'd repressed the memory of the actual experiments, whatever they'd been, he still knew. He knew, because he could remember that there were still claw marks in his palms, where he'd clenched his fists so hard he'd drawn blood, and it hadn't had the chance to heal yet, and because his whole body had ached with tiredness from the tension of pressing himself back against the table, his only way to try and escape...

There had still been tears at the corners of his eyes. The scientists were always fascinated when he cried: they hadn't designed him to do that. Screams they expected, but not tears.

He had been stumbling down the hall to find Maria, her golden radiance and calming influence his only thought. And when he had, she had taken one look at him, with his face puffy and red eyes teary, and she'd pulled him into a hug like this, no words needed because she knew, he knew, they knew that the world was out to get them, and here, together, they could pretend that they actually had each other, could keep each other safe and sound forever, make everything better with just one embrace...holding away the ravages of time to just BE.

And that was what Shadow was doing in this moment. Just being. Just feeling Silver's warm breath against the soft fur of his chest, nosing into the white hedgehog's shoulder, trying to force his memories to work when his body absolutely knew this felt so right.

Silver finally leaned back, his eyes honey gold and shining, “Thank you, Shadow.”

Maybe, just this once, he really did have to fully and completely trust his heart, “I'm here for whatever you need, Silver. If you need time, we'll give it to you. If you need space, I can go. But if you need us to figure this out, to be who you need to be...we can. We will. Because...I can't. I can't loose you again, Silver. I know that, even if if I don't remember anything else.”

And Silver smiled, honestly and truly, and he hugged Shadow this time, for a long moment, before he finally slid back and stood up, stretching, “I didn't actually mean to stay up so late...I guess I should probably get back to bed...” Silver offered Shadow a hand, and the black hedgehog took it, but then didn't let go, thumb absently brushing against Silver's gloves.

“Just...let us know what you need, Silver. And we'll try.”

“Stay.” Shadow looked up, slightly shocked, and Silver blushed, quickly amending, “Could you stay and read to me until I fall asleep? It...it always used to work before...”

Shadow recovered gracefully, nodding, “Of course.” And let himself be led back down the fire escape to Silver's window, “What did you want me to read?”

“This one,” a book outlined itself in blue cyan and floated to Shadow's outstretched hand as Silver snuggled into his truly ridiculous hippopotamus plushie, watching Shadow settle cross-legged on the floor with shining eyes.

“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'...”

Shadow's voice lilted through the story, and he found himself so entranced that he didn't even notice at first when Silver's breathing leveled off. When he finally looked up, and found that the white hedgehog was snoring softly, quills flattened in gentle sleep, he found a fond smile crossing his face that he did not force away.

Instead, he stood up quietly, and with footsteps that had no business being as silent as they were given his footwear, he crept over to Silver's bedside, looking down at the white hedgehog...and then, once again, faster than his head could tell him what a bad idea it was, he swooped down, and pressed a quick, soft kiss to Silver's cheek, before he blinked out of existence.

…

Shadow: You should go and see Silver on your own.

Shadow: I think it was a little overwhelming for him to see us both. And I have had quite a bit of time with him now.

Sonic: oh okay

Sonic: uh...what should i do though? we do?

Shadow: Haven't you been complaining to me about how you don't have anyone to beat in your ridiculous racing games? Bring those.

Sonic: ooooh good point

Sonic: thanks shads

Chapter Text

Silver was sitting with Amy in the living room. For once, the pink hedgehog was quiet; she was engrossed in scribbling in the new recipe book she'd gotten, making notes from previous cooking adventures on things that she wanted to try later.

Silver, for his part, was carefully doing alterations on a dress that Amy had bought. She'd seen it in the store and been so disappointed that it wasn't quite in her size—Silver had offered to fix it for her. He hadn't done anything quite this advanced before, but for Amy he would definitely try. Especially because he could absolutely imagine her wearing it and blowing Blaze's socks off (metaphorically). His face was scrunched up in concentration as he carefully tugged the needle, making sure not to snag the fabric...in fact, he was so caught up in his work that he nearly jumped out of his seat when the doorbell rang.

Amy gave him a knowing look, and Silver's heart sank a bit as he realized who it had to be; but, hey, last night with Shadow had gone okay. So maybe spending some time with Sonic wouldn't be terrible either.

He carefully set aside his work and went to answer the door, unsurprised to find bright green eyes waiting for him, “Hey Silver! Uh...long time no see?” Sonic laughed, a little nervously, “Um. I was wondering...if it would be okay if we just...hung out?” He rubbed the back of his head, ruffling the quills—a nervous tick, Silver knew.

And seeing Sonic so...well, uncharacteristically lacking in confidence was enough for Silver to open the door a little wider, gesturing for Sonic to come in, “Yeah...”

Amy waved at Sonic as he came in, but didn't move from her spot; Silver was grateful for that. Her added presence made this feel more like just...friends hanging out, rather than anything more, “What...what did you want to do?” Silver fidgeted slightly; with Shadow, it was just a little easier, since the black hedgehog's entire thing was being distant and a bit broody. Sonic, on the other hand, was much more forward, and Silver wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it in this situation.

Sonic seemed equally at a loss though, but rummaged through his quills, “I was wondering if you just wanted to play some video games? Shadow won't play with me much anymore.”

“Because he says you cheat like a fiend, and it's true,” Silver muffled a small smile; Sonic's face fell for half a second before the white hedgehog continued, “But I'll play with you anyways.”

“Sweet.” Sonic's smile was back, “And I do not cheat,”he stuck his nose into the air as he went over to Amy's TV to set up the game.

“Yes you do,” the pink hedgehog countered from her seat.

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

Sonic shot a glare at Amy, who hadn't bothered looking up from her book, and Silver almost laughed; this was a relationship dynamic he remembered perfectly. The two of them bickering like an old married couple: it was so obvious they'd grown up together.

“Anyways. Catch, Silver,” Sonic tossed him a controller, which Silver caught with his powers since otherwise it absolutely would have hit him in the face. Sonic winced slightly, “Sorry...”

“You're fine,” Silver didn't mind—it was pretty much on brand for the blue hedgehog. He'd had to nail everything breakable to the walls back in his universe so that it didn't somehow get knocked off by Sonic's slightly careless speeds. He settled himself on the couch, and picked out his player. Sonic flopped next to him—not as close as they used to be, but not all the way at the other end of the couch. Like they were friends. Which Silver...liked.

“All right Silver. Let's see what you've got.”

Silver smirked; Sonic didn't know about his gaming styles here, but he knew all of Sonic's moves, “Bring it Blue.”

And, for the first time in a long while, Silver thoroughly trounced Sonic. Which actually made sense. Normally they were pretty evenly matched between Sonic's super speed, and Silver's ability to press any button without moving his hands, but Silver's leg up on how Sonic tended to play made it easy for the white hedgehog to win.

Which, of course, would normally have ended with Sonic doing something silly, like draping himself across Silver's lap or kissing him to distract him, but here Sonic wasn't allowed to do that, for better or worse, and so at the end, Silver leaped up, hands in the air, triumphant.

“Yes!”

“Dang, you're good Silver.”

“Heheh, just lucky,” Silver smiled back at Sonic, the first real smile he'd given the blue hedgehog since he'd returned, “I know your moves—which I guess is kinda cheating a little bit.”

“Awww no fair!” Sonic stuck out his tongue, “Rematch!”

“I dunno,” Amy spoke up, “I bet he'll beat you again, Sonic.”

“How much you bet?” Sonic spun around, leaning over the couch to eye her.

“Hm...a tray of Original Sin bars. The triple layer kind.”

“Ooooh you're on. Rematch, Silver?”

“For Amy's Original Sin bars? Absolutely.”

It was much more even this time: Sonic had started picking up on Silver's play style pretty quickly (as could be expected from the Fastest Thing Alive), and Silver actually had to work quite a bit harder to stay ahead this time...

But, at the end, when all was said and done, he still won.

“Hah! The baking is mine!” Silver did a little spin, grinning at Sonic, who threw down his controller.

“Nooooo, I can't believe it!”

Silver laughed, “Aww don't worry. I'll share.”

Sonic shot him a grin, “Thanks, Silvy.”

Silver stopped for a second, heart skipping a beat at the nickname. But he shook his head slightly: it didn't mean anything. Sonic shortened everyone's names almost immediately, “Of course.” He sat back down on the couch, setting down his own game controller, “Thanks for coming over, Sonic.”

“Yeah, for sure...” Sonic smiled, “You done for now, Silvy?”

“Probably,” Silver stretched his fingers out, “You can...stay a bit longer though, if you want? And Amy doesn't mind?”

“I don't.” Amy said, looking up quickly and meeting Silver's eyes for half a second.

“We could watch a movie or something?” Silver suggested a little bit shyly, and Sonic nodded, “Sure.”

Silver grabbed the remote and flicked through options, finally settling on an old favorite—it was a cartoon, a little childish, but he didn't care. He needed comfort things, and he knew Sonic liked the show as well.

When he settled back on the couch, he couldn't help sitting a little closer to Sonic, inexorably drawn to the chaos electricity he could feel zinging around the blue hedgehog—once again, the purely physical existence of his former boyfriend overriding his knowledge that Sonic had no memory of him.

But apparently that didn't matter, because Silver was actually kind of surprised that Sonic closed the rest of the distance between them, so they were sitting right next to each other, shoulders brushing. Normally, Sonic wasn't very...physical with people he didn't know well. Which meant that he was either making a significant effort on Silver's behalf, or he remembered something about this too, deep down.

Silver wasn't really going to complain right now either way—instead what he was going to do was pretend, at least for a little bit, that they were just watching a good movie and everything was normal and fine.

He didn't actually mean to find his head resting on Sonic's shoulder. He wasn't actually sure how that had happened until he blinked and realized the show was like three episodes later than he remembered: he must have fallen asleep.

“Sorry...” he mumbled, yawning, moving to lean away.

“You're fine,” Sonic's voice was soft, and stopped him as the blue hedgehog continued, “I don't mind...”

Well...he shouldn't, but he didn't care at this point, so he snuggled his head back into Sonic's shoulder and finished watching the show through half lidded sleepy eyes. Sonic was still perfectly warm, short blue fur smelling exactly the same, the sound of his breathing something that Silver had long since memorized...

When it was over, though, he scooted away, a little bashful, “...thank you...”

“For what?”

Silver peered at Sonic out of the corner of his eye, “...for trying.”

“Oh...” Sonic obviously knew what he meant, as he smiled, a little bashful himself, “Yeah...for sure.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner? Is that allowed, Amy?”

“Of course.” The pink hedgehog looked up, “But we are not having chili dogs. We're having lasagna.”

Sonic's nose wrinkled slightly, “Thanks Silver...but I think I'll pass for tonight...”

“Oh...okay,” Silver tried not to be disappointed, but on the other hand he probably did need a break from Sonic. Otherwise he was going to slip up and forget that the blue hedgehog didn't remember—do something stupid like accidentally kiss him without thinking about it, “Thank you for coming though...it was...nice. To see you.”

The trademark grin was back, “Of course Silvy! I hope I can see you more?” It was definitely a question, and Silver nodded.

“Yeah...it's getting...easier. I think.” It was. And he was glad of it.

“Cool. Well I'll see you round, then?” He gave them a two finger salute, and then, a moment later, the door was swinging shut behind him.

“Aww Silver!” Amy jumped up the instant Sonic was gone and threw her arms around the white hedgehog's shoulders, “You're doing so much better!”

Silver blushed slightly, “I'm trying, Amy.”

“I know you are,” she let go and smiled at him, her eyes shining, “I know you are. Now. I believe I owe you some dessert bars...”

…

Sonic: went to see silvy

Shadow: How did it go?

Sonic: really good

Sonic: played vidjagames and watched a movie

Sonic: he fell asleep on my shoulder

Sonic: it was nice

Shadow: I'm glad.

Shadow: We can talk more tomorrow?

Sonic: yeah see you then

Chapter Text

It was Saturday, and Amy had taken Silver to the mountains for a picnic with Cream and Vanilla (who, of course, wouldn't remember Silver either, but knowing them it really wouldn't matter).

That meant that it was a perfect time for Sonic and Shadow to have some time together. 

They met down at the pier, at a little diner on the waterfront that was notorious for its milkshakes--they'd come here a lot, Sonic pondered, although neither he nor Shadow were particular fans of the food. Now he wondered if that wasn't because this was Silver's favorite, instead of theirs.

Nonetheless, that didn't mean he wouldn't enjoy the Oreo Mudslide milkshake he was currently sipping, as he swung his feet under the barstool that was too tall for him, staring out the window at the canal beyond. Multi-colored boats moved along the water—some tall sailboats with cream colored sails hoisted high, some motorboats zipping along, a few gondolas slowly and sedately making their way.

Next to him, Shadow was equally silent, playing with the straw in his own Double Chocolate shake.

It was odd, Sonic thought. He and Shadow had always been drawn to each other, always found themselves at the same points in history, over and over, in clashes and battles and fights to the death, their rivalry legendary, their partnership equally so. But their personalities didn't mesh. They never really had. Sonic--well, he loved being free, not being tied to anything or anyone, able to fly away at the drop of a hat to anywhere across the globe at any time. Shadow, on the other hand, was fiercely loyal to those he'd decided he cared about (few though they were), and would stand and fight a losing battle over his honor or that of his friends. Their pieces never quite fit together right: even now, Sonic wasn't sure what to say, how to start a conversation that felt perfectly natural and where he wouldn't somehow end up putting his foot in his mouth.

That wasn't to say that he didn't love Shadow, because he did. Watching the black hedgehog's reflection in the window, the way his movements always looked so fluid--Sonic didn't regret dating him for a single second.

But maybe...maybe it was that Silver had made them fit. Because try as he might, Sonic could not remember actually asking Shadow out. Couldn't remember their first date as more than a fuzzy idea of cuddling together on the couch watching a movie.

"Sonic." A blue ear twitched, and Sonic fully turned to look at Shadow, who was still studying his straw with a fierce intensity.

"Yeah?"

"Do you feel it too?"

Sonic had a pretty good idea of what Shadow meant, but he wanted to be sure, "What?"

"The..." Shadow hesitated, "The absence."

"Yeah." He did. Absolutely.

"I can remember what I don't remember." Shadow continued, twirling his straw particularly vigorously; if he'd still had more milkshake left it would be splashing out of his cup and onto the counter, "If that makes sense. I can feel the things that aren't there; I know where the holes in my memory are."

"I can't do that...not quite." Sonic hesitated, wondering if he should voice his feelings, and deciding 'to heck with it', "But...I feel it with us."

Shadow turned to him, a brow raised, and Sonic elaborated, "I always feel like I'm just rubbing you the wrong way--like I'm so close to knowing the right thing to say all the time, but not quite. And...I wonder if Silver was the one who made us, you know, work. All the way." He hated to say it because he didn't want Shadow to be angry about it, but the black hedgehog just nodded.

“Perhaps.” Shadow mused, and they fell back into silence again, Sonic waiting for a continuation that never came.

Eventually, his foot started tapping uncontrollably as he finished his shake, and he turned his head back towards Shadow, “I gotta move, Shads.”

Shadow lifted a brow ridge, “Are you asking for a race?”

“Please,” Sonic nodded. If there was one thing that held their relationship together, it was racing. It had always been theirs—that he could remember. Just the two of them running at breakneck supersonic speeds through the forest, or plains, or desert, or heck, even the ocean, together.

Shadow tossed a few rings on the table and followed Sonic out the door. The crisp early autumn air felt glorious against Sonic's short blue fur, and he inhaled deeply, practically tasting the hint of pumpkin spice in the air, before grinning at Shadow, “You ready, faker?”

“Always,” Shadow's eyes glinted as Sonic stretched quickly and then assumed a ready position.

“Alright Shads, one...two...”

“Go!” Shadow laughed, already halfway down the road.

Sonic spat out a mouthful of dust as he dashed after his former rival, “Cheater!”

The only answer he got were Shadow's snarky cackles in the breeze. It took him a few moments to catch up, which let him know that Shadow was letting him—as they came abreast of each other, Shadow flashed him a pointy smile before upping his speed.

This was what gave Sonic life: the thrill of the race, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins as he ran neck-and-neck with Shadow, wind blowing in his face. A glance at Shadow made his heart flip...and ache. He had so much here but...something was absolutely missing. Some one.

They finally came to a halt at Freedom Overlook, and Shadow instantly glanced at Sonic, “What's wrong?”

“Hmm?”

“You're not jumping up and down and bragging about being 0.1 seconds faster than me. Something must be horribly wrong.”

“No...I was just. Thinking.”

“That's also dangerous.”

“Shut up,” Sonic gave Shadow's shoulder a little shove before tentatively leaning against it.

Shadow didn't pull away, and Sonic sighed, a mix of happy and sad—longing.

“Still thinking about Silver,” Shadow didn't respond, “I...do you think that we were...better? With him?”

It took Shadow a moment to respond, but when he did, it was with conviction, “Yes. I think we were...softer.”

“Softer...” Sonic pondered the word, “What does that mean?”

“I think we...were more like this,” Shadow slid his arm around Sonic's shoulders. Sonic froze for a second but...Shadow was warm and soft, and he snuggled into the black hedgehog's side.

“I...I want him back. I hope that's okay to say, Shads, and not to be rude to you or anything--”

“I know.” Shadow leaned his head against Sonic's, “It feels...”

“Empty.” They both echoed at the same time, and then both chuckled a little nervously.

“Yeah...” Sonic fidgeted slightly, “I just...I don't wanna overwhelm him, y'know? Again. I mean.”

“I know. I think we're doing better now, though. After spending some time with him individually.”

“Yeah...” Sonic nodded, his fur ruffling against Shadow's before he pulled himself back up, “Do you think we're ready to do something together again soon?”

“I'd imagine so. Something new, though, so there's no precedent. So it can just be us; no past and no future, just the here and now.”

“Yeah...maybe some fall festival somewhere? Not here—somewhere new.”

“A possibility indeed.” Shadow nodded, “I will ponder it, and investigate possibilities.”

“Good—you're good at that; it's only one step away from brooding.”

Shadow rolled his eyes and let go of Sonic's shoulders, “Sure it is.”

For a moment, there was silence again, more comfortable this time, as the two of them stood side by side. The sun was starting to set—red and gold covering the sky and casting the trees in flames. Sonic sighed, closing his eyes and feeling the breeze lightly ruffle his fur.

“You're beautiful.” The comment was so abrupt and unexpected that Sonic almost fell over, eyes shooting open to see Shadow staring at him, his own red eyes liquid lava.

“Sh-shadow?”

“Can't I say it?” Shadow breathed, stepping closer, “To you—and to Silver, someday, too?”

“I mean I...I guess?” Sonic wasn't sure what to do as Shadow invaded his space: he could feel his fur tickle, different from what he had felt a moment ago even though they'd been closer then.

“Good. I think...I think Silver encouraged me to say it more...to both of you.” Shadow's mouth was only an inch away from Sonic's now.

The blue hedgehog licked his lips, “Oh? I...I like it.”

“I can tell,” Shadow kissed him, and it was—it was softer and sweeter than any other one Sonic could remember. So unlike his usual speed, but somehow he didn't mind.

When Shadow pulled away, Sonic blinked, dizzy, “Geez Shads—just do that to Silver and he'll be head over heels I bet.”

A slight blush dusted Shadow's cheeks, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Sonic reached out and grabbed one of Shadow's hands, “C'mon Shads. I wanna watch a movie—something Halloween-y. Do you wanna join me?”

There was a beat of hesitance, before Shadow nodded, “Yes.”

Sonic beamed, and together they head home through the darkening forest.

Chapter Text

Dear Diary,

Something I've learned well throughout my life is that, despite everything, time passes. It always does, no matter how horrid a situation might be. When I was growing up in the future, even when things were really bad...when there was no food and no water, and everyone slept in a great big pile because we were scared to be alone...time passed. Things changed. Sometimes for the worse but...a lot of times more recently it's been for the better.

So time is passing. And things are getting...better.

When I first reappeared, after I'd been erased from the timeline, it felt overwhelming—how do I make an entire universe remember me? And that's why I thought it would be easier for everyone if I just left. I wouldn't have to cause a fuss; for them it would just be like I'd never existed and for me...it wouldn't be the first time this has happened.

Sometimes I wonder about all the others, the ones from my future. Are they still out there somewhere, living in an alternate universe? Do they ever wonder what happened to me? Probably not. They would just assume that I'd been consumed by the flames, like everyone else.

But...Shadow didn't let that happen. He didn't let them leave me—he didn't let me leave them. And I can't help but love him for it. I tried not to, at first, I really did. I tried not to love them—any of them. Because I thought that it wouldn't be the same, that they would be so different around me but...they're still them. Just without me. And so now that they're making me stay—not in a bad way, but, you know, they did—it almost feels like normal. In some ways, it's been nice to tell stories they don't know. Watching their eyes light up when they make connections about something in their past—it's been half a dozen times where Sonic has snapped his fingers and gone “That makes so much more sense!” when I explained my role in something that has happened in their past. It's kind of nice, honestly. They can't remember me—of course they can't, all those things didn't happen here—but still.

Sonic and Shadow were the hardest, of course. I knew they would be. Everyone else...they love me the same as they always did. As a friend. Amy's been so very kind, getting me all set up and letting me stay in her guest room and her home. She says it's nice to have someone else there to fuss over, but I imagine it can't be the easiest thing in the world to open up your home to someone who is technically a stranger to you...but it's been so nice. She's making me fat with all her baking—she insists I have to taste-test everything heheheh. It's all amazing, of course, so I don't really mind.

And Blaze...of course, my dear Blaze. She had to go visit her own dimension for a little bit recently, and so Amy and I set up a date for the two of them when she came back and I think it went so well! They're not dating OFFICIALLY yet, of course, but...I don't think they're NOT dating either, if you know what I mean? They gave each other flowers and baked goods and Blaze did this amazing showoff of a new fire power and Amy and I oohed and aahed and they were both blushing plenty. But she's been actually remembering more substantial things. Not really situations, still, but...it's better than nothing. She remembers me as a person, and I'm happy with that for now.

And of course who could forget Cream and Vanilla! They took me for a picnic a few weeks back and it was just absolutely lovely. The day was beautiful, and Miss Vanilla packed enough food for 10 hedgehogs my size, making sure to send home leftovers! Cream and I played tag: she was so excited to have someone else who could fly so it was fair. It was the most just pure fun that I think I've had since everything happened...Cream is such a dear. And she offered to help with the garden in the Spring—her and Chocola and Cheese (and Miss Vanilla too). I think that will be so nice...assuming I have a garden by Spring. I don't know if I want to go back to the one I had but on the other hand...the plants can't forget me, right? The roses will bloom when I water them and give them food, and they don't care if their roots don't remember my hand planting them...

But coming back to it: you know it's always been hardest with Sonic and Shadow. Of course it has. They were the most important—they were a part of me like nobody else was and when that got taken away, well...you know. I've written about it before. But recently it's been better.

They took me to a carnival in Zilbra—we'd never been before, and always kind of meant to, and it was amazing! There were parades where everyone was dressed in the brightest colors, and there were enormous floats that looked like giant birds, with red and yellow and lime green feathers everywhere! They had food vendors on every corner, selling all kinds of treats: there were these little cheese bread puffs that melted in your mouth, meat croquettes that looked like pears, and, of course, these long cinnamon-covered breads filled with chocolate and caramel and candy. Sonic ate so many that his tongue turned rainbow! I'm not even sure how that happened, except maybe there were colorful candies in one. Either way, it was funny and fun.

And at night! Shadow took us up to this rooftop where we sat together and watched the fireworks across the river—every color you can imagine, and the shapes! I don't know how they manage to make fire so beautiful. It almost made me forget my suspicion of it...and when the show was over we went up to the hills to see the stars, because the city was too bright. I knew that Shadow knew all the constellations, but I never get tired of him telling them to me. Sonic does, though—he kept rolling around in the grass and poking at crickets. Silly.

Apparently eventually I fell asleep, because the next thing I knew I was in Shadow's arms as we went back to our hotel...and we all piled into the same bed and slept in a hedgie pile, just like when I was younger. And it was so nice—it was so warm and comfortable and just...nice. It still hurt, but they were trying so hard.

Since then it has been a little better every day. Sonic and Shadow always make sure to stop by, even just to say hello—although normally they stay for much longer. Shadow curls up in the armchair and reads, and Sonic and Amy and I play games a lot of the time. We even got Shadow to play Monopoly once, and unsurprisingly he trounced all of us. Too many years of hanging out with Rouge made him stingy and savvy I guess heheh.

So I think...I just keep going. As best I can. Tails has said he's making progress, but I don't know if I believe that his machine will work. Going against the whole universe is hard, but I can carve my life back out eventually. It will take time, but it...I think it will be worth it. I didn't think that before, but my friends have shown me that I matter, no matter what. I love all of them so much.

Write again soon!

Love,

Silver

Silver closed his white leather diary, which Amy had so kindly purchased for him when he saw it in the store and stared for a solid five minutes. Sonic was in the next room over; he'd just arrived and was now bantering with Amy about whatever was going to be for dinner (probably complaining about the fact that it wasn't chili dogs). Silver smiled and shook his head as he replaced the book on his nightstand and went out to greet the blue hedgehog.

“Hello Sonic!”

“Hey Silvy!” Sonic rushed over, “Can I hug you?” This had become a new thing between them: asking for the moment, because there were some days when Silver still couldn't do it. But today was not one of those, and Silver nodded before being swept up by the blue speedster and squeezed until his bones creaked.

“You're squishing me!” Silver laughed, and Sonic reluctantly put him down.

“Been up to anything fun, Silvy?”

“Writing some...not a lot else. It's getting too cold out for me,” Silver glanced out the window, where the autumn leaves had mostly fallen into brown piles blown about by the November wind.

“You're a lil freezy baby, aren't you?” Sonic teased, “Even with all that fluff.”

“Shut up...” Silver batted good-naturedly at Sonic, before Amy stuck her nose back out of the kitchen.

“Well if you're cold, then come in here and help me get the meatloaf out of the oven.”

“I'm coming!” Silver laughed, darting over to find the oven mitt and carefully removing the dish. His ear flicked as Sonic's communicator beeped behind him, but he was too busy with the clatter of Amy's dishes to pay attention to what the blue hedgehog answered—that is, until Sonic burst into the kitchen, a look of wild excitement on his face.

“What is it?”

“Tails! He just said he thinks he's got the machine working! The one...the one to make us remember!”

Amy and Silver exchanged a hesitant glance, but Sonic rushed up and grabbed Silver's hands, holding them tightly, “Please Silver? Can we go right away? I...I want to remember you. I want to remember us.”

Sonic's green eyes were wide and pleading, and there was no way Silver could resist, “Oh...okay...”

“What about my meatloaf?” Amy complained, while simultaneously getting her and Silver's coats.

“Put it back in the oven, Ames. We'll eat it later as a celebratory meatloaf. Maybe we can put little candles in it.” Sonic teased as he raced towards the door, no coat for him despite the outdoor chill, “C'mon, c'mon let's go!”

Silver and Amy exchanged another glance, but followed the excited blue hedgehog out the door.

Chapter Text

Silver found himself dragging his feet as their little group made their way through the streets from Amy’s apartment towards Tails’ lab…which was in direct contrast to Sonic, who was practically vibrating with energy. That meant that what ended up happening was that Sonic would dart off, disappear for a few moments, and then zoom back, over and over, biting his lip anxiously and tapping his feet.

“Come on, Silver!”

“I’m…I’m coming.”

Sonic nodded and darted off again. Amy took the opportunity to take Silver’s hand, giving it a little squeeze, “Silver…what’s wrong?”

“N…nothing, Amy.” He gave her a wobbly smile, “This should fix everything, right?”

Sonic was back again, so they fell silent, but once he’d vanished again, Amy’s mouth flattened into a straight line and Silver knew he was doomed, “Don’t give me that, Silver. Tell me the truth.”

Silver sighed, his quills deflating slightly. He could lie, but Amy would see right through it and then she would be upset, so there wasn’t a point, “I don’t think…I don’t think it can be fixed. Tails is a genius, I know he’s amazing–I remember every crazy invention he’s built, every time his abilities have saved us…but even he can’t reverse time, Amy. He can’t undo what has been done. Maybe I should just…be happy with this.” Silver gestured vaguely to the slightly gray day around them–an apt metaphor for his mood.

Amy considered this for a moment, in which Sonic returned and then ran off again, “But will you be happy? Without Sonic and Shadow? And what you had before?”

“They’re getting better…” Silver’s voice trailed off. The truth was…well. It was complicated. Sonic and Shadow were getting better. They knew how to read his moods, how to avoid overwhelming him, at least most of the time. He liked spending time with them, and, fundamentally, in the deepest parts of his soul, he loved them and wanted them to love him.

But…but it would never be the same. It couldn’t be. He could rebuild, but the original house, the original memories of their times and adventures and lives would never be there again. The foundation was cracked and wobbly, and Silver wasn’t sure if he could make the walls balance on top of it.

…more than that though, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to try.

On the other hand, now, imagining a life without Sonic or Shadow was equally cruel to them AND himself–robbing them of a friend whom they knew they had once loved…and for him…for him…

Silver bit his lip, running his hands up and down the short fur of his arms as he tried to sort out his tangled thoughts.

Amy gave him a significant look, but by this point, the distinctive ears of Tails’ lab had appeared in the distance, and Sonic’s running had turned into a blur that meant he was there near-constantly, so Silver didn’t get the chance to voice any more of his thoughts or concerns. Especially not when they stepped into the door, and Sonic’s enthusiasm became infectious.

Shadow was waiting inside, absolutely calm like he didn’t have a care in the world, while Sonic practically bounced off the walls, only pausing so he could tap his foot impatiently, making the black hedgehog sigh as he turned towards Silver and Amy.

“Hello you two. Tails is almost ready.” He smiled, a warm expression that made Silver’s lungs seize up–and Silver squashed down the memory of Shadow lighting up when he entered the room, sweeping him into a hug and a kiss until the white hedgehog was giggling and blushing…he shook off the thought as the black hedgehog turned back towards Tails.

The fox himself was hunched over his keyboard, tapping in a few more equations, “Hey guys…I think this should work, but let me just run a few more simulations and then…” he waved one hand at the same cylindrical tube that Silver had been scanned in all those weeks ago, “One by one you should be able to stand in there and get your memories fixed! Replacing one Silver the Hedgehog into your memories.”

Sonic darted up to stand beside his brother, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he did his best impression of patience, while Silver hung back, clinging to the shadows…Their namesake slipped next to him, not saying a word, but Silver could feel the warmth his body radiated next to him, and tried hard not to think about how comforting it was. It could be like this…they could just be friends…would that be enough? 

“Aaaand. Done!” Tails exclamation made Silver jump, as the fox hit a button and turned around to the glass cylinder, which hummed and whirred, before the door slid open with a pressurized whoosh, “Who’s first?”

Sonic instantly jumped forwards, and Silver nibbled his lip, watching as the door slid closed again. As the machine made a questioning beeping noise, Silver folded his arms to hide the fact that he was digging his claws into his biceps. Tails nodded, turning back to his computer and typing out a command before hitting enter, glancing back at Sonic in the tube. A humming sound filled the room, and the chamber Sonic was standing in began to glow with a light that was similar to the one the hedgehogs exuded when they were in their super forms. Warm, comforting, powerful.

For a moment, Silver felt a little flutter of hope in his stomach–Tails looked so chill, so confident, that maybe the fox was right. That this could work–that he could get his Sonic, his Shadow, his Amy and Blaze and Cream and Espio back. He watched the cylinder with wide, hopeful golden eyes, his hands automatically coming up to his chest to clutch at the copious amounts of fluff there.

“Do…do you think it will work?” His voice was barely a whisper, but of course Shadow heard it, and shifted his stance just slightly so that his arm brushed against Silver’s side.

“You know Tails.”

Silver did. He did know Tails, who, at the tender age of 8, had built an entire airplane and gone on crazy adventures the likes of which were now the stuff of myths and legends. So this wasn’t so out of the realm of imagination…right?

Maybe…maybe he could have his life back. His Sonic would rush out of the chamber and kiss him and his Shadow would come out a few moments later and they would sweep each other up into one big excited ball and then go home to their proper little cottage in the woods and make spaghetti and brownies and then curl up together on the couch with Silver squashed in between them, like he’d never been missing at all…

The cylinder’s glow began to decrease slowly, and after a moment, the door slid open. Tails, Shadow, Amy and Silver couldn’t resist stepping closer, all looking with expressions of hope…that were all instantly quashed when they saw Sonic’s face. It was downcast, his quills limp with disappointment. 

“It didn’t…?” Tails started, and Sonic shook his head.

“No…bro, sorry. I don’t remember anything new.” He glanced at Silver, green eyes despondent, “I’m..sorry Silvy.” 

Silver unwound the little knot of hope that had started trying to make a nest in his heart, and managed a shrug, trying to pretend that there weren’t tears forming in his eyes, “It’s okay.”

“It doesn’t make sense!” Tails had shot back over to the console, “It should have worked. Every calculation I made said that this should allow previous neural pathways to reconnect to stored memories that were experienced by someone else provided that…” 

“Tails…” Silver’s voice was soft, but it made the little fox shut his mouth with a snap, “It’s fine. Some things…some things are just how they are. And there’s nothing we can do about them.” He knew that better than most, and he felt Shadow stiffen beside him.

“But I should be able to!”

“It’s okay.” Silver swallowed, and repeated, “It’s okay.” He already found himself taking a step back, pulling away from Shadow and Amy towards the door.

“It’s not though!” Sonic interjected, “You deserve to have people remember how amazing you are, Silver…”

“Sonic. Just…just stop.” Silver shook his head, turning away from the other hedgehogs and the fox, “It’s fine. I just…I’ll figure it out.” He half turned back, giving them a little piece of a smile, “I’ve been managing all right for the past couple of weeks…I’ll keep on managing. After all, that’s what I’ve always done. Thanks for trying, Tails…I really appreciate it. But I think we have to say that it’s just…how it is.”

“Silver…” Sonic started, but Silver shook him off, and darted out of the room, leaving the others to stare after him. Shadow and Amy exchanged a glance, and a moment later the two of them hurried after the retreating white hedgehog.

Meanwhile, Sonic whirled back to Tails, “All right, bro. We gotta fix this.”

Tails gestured towards the door, “But Silver just said…”

“Yeah, but he’s wrong.” Sonic slammed his fist into his palm, “We gotta fix this–we can’t leave him like that. It’s not…we can’t…I can’t do that. We’re the heroes! It’s our job to fix everything at the end of the day, to make things better!”

Tails’ namesakes twisted together as the fox pondered, “I…I mean I can keep trying…maybe if I bypass the universal cerebral constant by forming a loop through the mesh of the timespace continuum…”

Sonic just stared, not understanding anything except that there might still be a chance, “Please, little buddy? For me?”

“Yeah…yeah…maybe I can rework some equations…I’ll triple check my math…”

“Thanks Tails,” Sonic hugged his brother and then darted out of the room fast enough that he didn’t see the way that the fox dug his teeth into his lip as he turned back to his computer.

…

Shadow and Amy emerged from Tails’ workshop to see a white flicker disappear into the copse of trees on the other side of the road. They exchanged a glance before following, weaving their way through stands of birch, elm, and maple, before they came to a small brook.

Silver was sitting on top of a boulder by the edge of the babbling stream, curled up into as much of a ball as he could manage with his ridiculously tall head quills fluffed up from agitation. A quiet snuffling noise came from him, which stopped when there was a soft thump on the rock next to him and Shadow settled himself there, while Amy stayed below for the moment. 

“Silver?” Shadow’s voice was so soft that it sounded more like the trees whispering Silver’s name than any physical being.

One little white ear flicked.

“Silver…” Shadow didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what there was to say. “I’m sorry.”

“‘S fine.” Red eyes drilled into the top of Silver’s head until he amended, “It’s jus’...how it is.”

“You said you’d been making things work.” Shadow posited, “And you have. So what would change if we remembered?”

It took Silver a long moment to answer, “‘S not…stable.”

“What do you mean?”

“Us.” Silver’s voice was muffled into his knees, “We aren’t…stable. Feels like I’m balanced on a cliff…I’m going to fall off and I don’t know if I will fly or…or fall.”

“You’ll always fly…” Shadow felt like he was missing the metaphor, and that was confirmed when Silver gave the tiniest little snort.

“Not what I meant…” Damp golden eyes appeared over the top of Silver’s knees, “Life…right now, it’s really good, it is! And you and Sonic are a big part of that,” His lips formed a short-lived, wavering little smile, “But I don’t know that it will stay that way. I worry that you’ll resent me for inserting myself into a spot you don’t remember, or, worse, that I’ll resent you for not remembering, even though it’s not your faults.”

“I doubt that will…”

“But it might!” Silver’s voice was shrill, and he immediately curled back up, going quiet again, “And that’s what scares me…the uncertainty. My life has always been a mess of uncertainty, but…you and Sonic…you were stable. You were the Same always. And now…you’re not, and you might never be again. I know change can be good, I know that things can get better but…it’s still so scary.”

Silence filled the forest for a few long minutes after Silver’s words, as Shadow sat, pondering, until, finally, he turned to Silver, expertly reaching into the hedge-ball and pulling out his gloved paws, holding them tightly so that Silver glanced at their entwined hands and then back up to Shadow’s red eyes, fixated on him.

“It is. Life is scary. But I want you to know–Sonic and I are here for you. We just. Are.” Shadow put extra emphasis on the last three words,  “And we always will be. Me…” His face twisted for a moment, “Literally, for better or worse. Know that, starlight. And remember it.” He gave Silver’s hands another quick squeeze before letting go and stepping off the rock.

Silver stared after him, until Shadow disappeared into the shade of the trees, and Amy approached, reaching a hand out to him, “Come on, Silver. Let’s go home.”

“Y–yeah,” Silver scrubbed the remnant of a few tears off of his face, “Let’s go…”

Home?

…

Sonic: how was silvy?

Shadow: Confused. I don’t think he knows what it is that he wants.

Sonic: so just like the rest of us heh

Shadow: …

Sonic: …do you think he’ll be okay?

Shadow: I think he’ll make the right decision, in the end.

Sonic: i hope

Sonic: but i have a plan just in case

Shadow: What sort of plan?

Sonic: meet tomorrow for lunch and I’ll tell you

Chapter Text

The weather had turned gray–rain streamed down Silver’s window, and he stared at the little droplets, coursing along the glass. He marveled at how they joined into rivers, and then split off, shimmering silvery snakes rippling in a never ending journey to the ground…

He hadn’t seen rain until he came to the future for the first time–he’d been fascinated by the water cycle, the way rain cooled and refreshed the earth, the way droplets clung to his fur and sparkled in dim light. It was perhaps his favorite sort of weather now, except that today, with the gray clouds overhead, he felt…melancholy.

He’d been avoiding Sonic and Shadow for the last week, since Tails’ machine hadn’t worked. He wasn’t even entirely sure why…he liked being around them, he really did. But…he also didn’t like it. He’d tried to explain it to Amy, and she’d been very comforting, but even with her amazing intuitive abilities, it was clear that she didn’t entirely understand. He didn’t mind–that wasn’t her job.

Her job was to be reminding him that Christmas was coming up soon–which was also a bittersweet idea. Normally he’d be planning some crazy extravagant gifts for Sonic and Shadow, Cream and Blaze, Espio and Charmy…but this year his bank account had vanished at the same time he did, so there wasn’t much to spare, even with him living with Amy. Pretty much everybody was getting a knitted something of some kind, since yarn was cheap and Silver had nothing but time, unfortunately. 

Time to go around his head in circles…the same thoughts chasing each other in a cantering carousel that did nothing except give him a migraine.

What was the right answer? He knew he would have to decide again soon–did he want Sonic and Shadow back? It was getting clearer that they probably wanted him, so that was nice at least. That was something that would have been the only concern when he first came back–it should be his only concern, shouldn’t it? That they loved…they loved him, and wanted him…

So why wasn’t it? Why was he still on the fence here? Why was this a difficult decision? He should just fall back, let Sonic and Shadow love him–it would be fine.

“Right?” He asked Reginald, his stuffed hippo. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t get an answer, and so he sighed, slipping out of bed and padding on sock feet to press his palm against the window. He could feel the late autumn chill permeate through his paw pads, dampness collecting in the soft fur between. 

“I have to…don’t I?” Mist filled the window where his breath fogged it up, and he sighed leaning in to press his forehead against the glass, “I want them. I do…but I want them…and they…they don’t exist anymore. Not like I remember.”

The room continued to answer with nothing but silence, and Silver sighed again before lifting his head to peer out into the gray city beyond.

Only for the gray to get interrupted by a flash of blue–a familiar flash of blue. Something Silver couldn’t identify pooled in the pit of his stomach, and he slowly wandered back to his door just in time for Amy to knock.

“Silver?”

“Yeah.” He opened the door, and Amy’s expression immediately softened as she took him in.

“Sonic and Shadow are here. Do you want to see them?” Silver loved her for the fact that she made it his choice.

He really didn’t…but if not now, then it would just continue to eat away at him. So better to get it over with.

“Sure.”

“Are you sure, Silver?” Amy reached out and gave his bare hand a little squeeze.

“Yeah.” He mustered up a little smile back for her.

“Okay. Do you want to come out, or should I send them in?”

“I want to stay here.”

“All right.” She gave his hand one last squeeze and disappeared, only to be replaced half a second later by Sonic and Shadow, both trying to fit in the door at once. Just that made a tiny glimmer of a smile appear on Silver’s muzzle as he stepped back and let them fall into the room.

“Hey Silvy!” Sonic bounced up to him, before curbing his enthusiasm, “How have you been?”

Silver shrugged, “Okay.” He could tell neither of them believed him, and they exchanged a slightly worried glance.

“We’ve missed you.” Shadow murmured, stepping closer. Silver wanted to step into him, feel that warmth permeate into his fur, but instead he drifted back towards the window,

“Yeah. Sorry.” His voice was a whisper.

“Silver…” Sonic and Shadow glanced at each other again, “We can go if you don’t want us here.” Sonic continued, “We wanted to ask you something, but only if you’re in the mood to hear it, I guess.”

“Please.” Silver knew what they were going to say, “Ask.”

“Silver.” Sonic was suddenly in front of him, gently reaching for his hands and pulling him over to sit on the edge of the bed, sandwiching him between the two other hedgehogs. The warmth pressing against either side made him want to curl up and hibernate, but he forced himself to focus on the chill of the room itself. “I’m sure you know what I’m going to say?”

“Yes.”

“Silver…do you want to be with us again?”

It felt like Silver’s heart was swelling, his lungs weren’t working right because of the pressure on them–his stomach flipped and his hands got clammy. Slowly, he pulled them out of Sonic’s, folding them in his lap as he stared down.

He wanted to speak, but his tongue felt too big and too dry, like a pile of ash in his mouth. 

“I…I think…”

Silver’s fumbling voice was interrupted by a beeping from Sonic’s watch. The blue hedgehog glared down at it, before his expression changed, cleared and he snapped his head up to meet Silver’s eyes, “It’s Tails–he thinks he’s fixed the machine!”

“O-oh…” Silver blinked, feeling his shoulders slump back down from where he’d pulled them to.

“Silver.” Shadow’s smooth voice murmured next to him, “Can we try just one more time?” Shadow’s hands were on his now, pulling them out of his lap and entwining their fingers. Crimson eyes, not like the fiery lava of his childhood, but like a comforting campfire, like a late summer apple, sought into his soul, “Please?”

“O…kay…”

“Thank you,” Shadow gave his hands a squeeze, “I have a chaos emerald–do you want to just warp there?”

“Sure…” Silver glanced at Sonic, who nodded. Shadow traded one of Silver’s hands to Sonic, and then whispered under his breath. A moment later, they were no longer in Silver’s room, but had appeared in Tails’ lab–much to the surprise of the yellow fox, who clutched a hand to his chest.

“Can’t you knock?”

“You grew up with me, bro,” Sonic grinned, “How is that surprising?”

“At least you make noise.” Tails grumbled, before returning to his screens, “I’ve recalibrated some variables that account for the manner in which Silver was erased from this universe that I overlooked previously, and I think it should function properly now.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Silver’s voice was soft, and everyone immediately looked at him.

“Well…” Tails flicked a glance at Sonic, “That’s…probably all I can do.”

“It’ll work, bro.” Sonic patted the fox on the back and zoomed over to the glass cylinder, stepping inside and giving them all a thumbs up, “See you on the other side!” 

Tails returned the thumbs up, and hit a key on his keyboard. The same humming that Silver remembered filled the room, but it felt more powerful this time–the light going straight through gold and into a hyper white rainbow, bright enough that he had to cover his eyes, “Sonic?”

Then the sound wound down.

Everyone was silent. Even the computer’s hum seemed quieter as the door to the glass cylinder slid open, and the air inside came out with a whoosh. Silver’s heart was in his throat, staring, eyes fixed on the figure inside…

“Silver?” Sonic’s voice was soft, as he half-stumbled out of the chamber, and then his green eyes found the white hedgehog and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Before Silver could breathe, Sonic was across the room, throwing his arms around him tightly…and pressing his lips to Silver’s.

“Silver! You–you’re here! You made it back!”

“Sonic?” Silver’s voice cracked.

“Silvy…” Sonic let him go enough that their eyes could meet, “I remember you.”

Silver felt his lip tremble, his eyes stinging with tears, “S-sonic…” But he couldn’t say anything else, because Sonic was kissing him again, and Silver melted into it, his shoulders shaking slightly, his knees trembling. But Sonic kept him upright as, somewhere in the background, Shadow said, “Do me.”

Silver barely processed the glow this time, the light chasing away the shadows in his heart; all he cared about was the way Shadow looked at him when he stepped out, and then Shadow was kissing him too and it felt like all the cracked and broken pieces of his heart, so sharp and fragile for the last few months, were fixed, carefully sliding back into place with gentle peach and black hands holding him together.

“Silver–aren’t you happy?” Sonic teased, and Silver tried to wipe away the tears that were coursing down his muzzle.

“M…mhmm…” 

“Oh starlight–” Shadow sighed, pulling Silver close, and Sonic latched onto his back, “I’m so sorry.”

“Wh-why?”

“We weren’t there for you.” Sonic finished.

“You were a-always there for me.” Silver hiccuped, “Always.”

“We love you, Silver.” Shadow whispered into the top of his head, and Silver started sobbing. He didn’t hear what Tails and Sonic said before the world was warping around him again, and he found himself back in his room. Sonic disappeared for a moment, but Shadow stayed, rubbing the spot between his back quills and pressing soft kisses to the backs of his ears, his forehead, his damp cheeks–wherever he could reach.

When Sonic returned, he had three steaming mugs of tea and warm chocolate chip cookies, one of which he shoved into Silver’s shaky paws.

“Th-thank you…” Silver nibbled on the cookie, leaning on Shadow, and slowly he found that Sonic scooted closer until he’d somehow tucked himself under Silver’s legs so that the white hedgehog was more or less laying sideways, Shadow his pillow and Sonic his footrest, “S-so…what? What now?”

“Now?” Shadow hummed, “You need to take a nap. You look like you haven’t been sleeping right, starlight.”

“I-it was hard. Without you.” That earned him a kiss from both of them, the two other hedgehog’s butting heads to see who could do it first, until Silver was giggling, tears still slowly leaking out of his eyes.

“Seriously, starlight,” Shadow shook his head, and somehow he managed to heft Silver up the bed and tuck him in. Without him even saying anything, Sonic snuggled in on one side and Shadow on the other, the two of them tucking their noses against his shoulders. Immediately, Silver felt his weeks of stress take their toll–his eyelids fluttered weakly, and the softest, sleepiest purr clicked from his chest.

“Just so you know, Silvy,” Sonic whispered, one hand caressing through Silver’s chest fluff, “Tails is going to get all the rest of our friends tomorrow. Maybe we can have a party for everyone to welcome you back properly?”

“Mmm…’d like that…” Silver hummed.

“I’m glad.” Sonic smiled at Shadow, who just looked relieved, before the two of them snuggled into the sleepy white hedgehog between them, “I told you it’d work out.”

…

Sonic: [Alarm set: 4:45 PM]

Chapter Text

A month had passed. Fall had turned very definitively into winter, snow replacing rain and turning the world white and cold. The bare bark of leafless trees groaned under the weight of snow. The wind whistled through the bare branches and pierced even the thickets of coats. But, somehow, Silver had never felt warmer in his life.

He, Sonic, and Shadow had moved back to their little cabin in the woods, and, slowly, it was becoming exactly the way he'd remembered it. His room was back to being his , and slowly he was replacing the missing photographs on his wall with new ones. It felt even more like home right now, when a fir tree had planted itself in the library, decorated with twinkling lights and sparkling ornaments and surrounded by a sea of presents, the last of which he was carefully taping up right now.

“Silver?”

Silver's ear flicked, and he looked over his shoulder with a smile to the black hedgehog who had appeared in the doorway. Shadow was wearing a red sweater with a little reindeer head on the front—100% Silver-knitted product, as was the thick white sweater that he himself was wearing.

“Yes Shadow?”

“We're about to leave to go to Miss Vanilla's—are you ready?”

“Mhmm!” Silver waved a hand, and the last bow tied itself perfectly with blue energy, before the literal stack of present boxes assembled themselves into a perfect pyramid behind him. Shadow raised his brows.

“Are you sure that you need that many gifts? After all, technically this party is for you, starlight.”

Silver emphasized a silly gasp, “Shadow! I can't believe you'd say that! It's such an important year—I want to give extra presents to everyone!”

“And you're using my money to do it?” Shadow smiled, and Silver stuck out his tongue.

“Your name is on all the labels too.”

“And mine?” Sonic appeared behind Shadow, draping an arm over the dark hedgehog and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“And yours, Sonic.” Silver shook his head, “I know you'd never remember to get anyone anything.”

“Shush you,” Sonic left Shadow to dart over to Silver, diving down to nuzzle into his chest, “That's why I let your brain worry about that.”

“Silly,” Silver giggled, almost getting bowled over by the overenthusiastic hedgehog in his arms.

“Mhmm,” Sonic smiled up at him, and Silver's heart fluttered.

“No time for that,” Shadow huffed, stalking over and pulling the other two hedgehogs up, “We don't want to be late do we?”

“No,” Silver reluctantly let go of Sonic, and instead attached himself to Shadow, “We don't.”

“Stop that, starlight,” Shadow laughed, “You'll make us late.”

“We can't be late,” Silver snuggled into Shadow's patch of chest fluff, “You can teleport us there.”

“Sonic wants to run.”

“It's true!” The blue hedgehog agreed.

“My presents will get all messed up!” Silver protested, gesturing at the stack floating behind him, “And I worked so hard on them!”

“All right, all right,” Shadow laughed, “We can teleport and meet Sonic there.”

“Awwwww,” Sonic whined, and Shadow poked his nose.

“Don't worry, faker—we'll still be there and spend the time with you. But Silver has a point that the presents and the food might not survive a run at mach 10.”

“But they have before!”

“They have 'survived' only in the very most basic definition, but nobody wants brownies full of leaves and pine needles, Sonic.”

“Or snow,” Silver added, remembering the ice-cold treats that Sonic had brought with them last year.

“Fiiiine.” Sonic shook his head dramatically, and Silver couldn't help leaning away from Shadow to give Sonic a little kiss, “Heheh—you're so cute Silvy...” Warm emerald eyes shined into golden amber, “I'm so glad we got you back...Christmas wouldn't be the same without you.”

Silver blushed warmly, as Shadow came up behind him, nuzzling around his shoulder, “It's so true, starlight.”

It would have been so easy for Silver to melt there, between his two perfect boyfriends—but he had a party to celebrate his return to get to, so a moment later blue surrounded him and he wriggled out of their hold, “I'll go get the brownies—be ready when I get back?”

Shadow nodded, and Silver zoomed off to the kitchen.

Sonic sighed, scooting closer to Shadow and reaching out for his hand, “I'm so glad we got him back, Shads. I...I honestly don't know what we would have done if he'd decided he didn't want to stay with us.”

Shadow squeezed his hand back, a soft glance at the blue hedgehog beside him, “I don't know, faker.”

“Are you going to admit that my plan was perfect, then?”

“It was...adequate.”

“I'll take it.” For a moment they smiled at each other—Silver had been right. They hadn't fit together perfectly when it was just them, but with the addition of one fluffy, silly white hedgehog? It just...worked.

“Got them!” Silver darted back into the room, and into Shadow's arms, “Meet us at the party, right Sonic?”

“See ya in just a second Silvy!” Sonic waved as Silver, Shadow and the pile of presents vanished in a flash of golden light.

For a second, just a heartbeat, Sonic stood there, thinking on what it would have looked like without Silver—something that had been so very close to happening that cold gray autumn day...the empty house, the quiet day...but immediately he shook the thought off, donned his own Silver-knitted scarf (he'd been offered a sweater, but had politely declined), and darted off towards the party, which was everything they had dreamed it would be and more.