Chapter Text
Everyone knew who he was. He was just a librarian. The emblematic sort of librarian who always kept to himself within the old comforts of the library walls. The sort who would prefer the companionship of clustered parchment and leathered canvases over the latest craze of contemporary devices.
Librarians were considered boring, they were stringent, they were placid, overall, there was no argument that students would better prefer anything but their sort. At least that’s how librarians were discerned as, how he was assumpted to be at first.
However, he was just a little more than that. One considering factor that diverted his image from the former librarians in the school was his appearance. His attractive features earned him the ‘hot librarian’ title, as by now it might as well be an ingrained description in his profiles.
He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks, which for the most part was proven to be true. And he was already used to it, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course, the blush that accompanied it was a dead giveaway. It didn't help that he was so modest with it either, it made the girls fall for him all the more.
He wasn’t garrulous nor long-winded, but he wasn’t the kind of man to be of few words either. He was amiable in most cases, the one who would take the initiative to approach others. And his way with words revealed how articulated and affable his nature was. No one passed up a conversation if there was ever a chance, the students found comfort in talking to him. It was easy for people to ask him for advice, and there was no hesitation in talking about their deepest, darkest secrets even. He was that kind of character after all.
People never found it weird to confide in him, never doubted his intentions, rather, they were at ease within his presence. And somehow conversing with him would always lead to a tête-à-tête. Despite all of that though, there was one strange thing about him. Sure he had some connections with students of various years, a charming student for the teachers but no one was really close to him.
He knew about them, but they didn’t know much about him.
They have just known him as the hot librarian, cool senior, or a friend perhaps—or assumed to be, but no one had ever seen anything but the saccharine side of him. He never was angry, never was dismal, never was overly jubilant. Just the same benign smile playing on his lips as though it was the only emotion he knows how to display. He was easy to remember just as how he was easy to forget.
So it never really came to be odd nor bizarre for the student population to not notice he had gone missing for days already. It was only when he hadn’t come for his fourth shift working as a librarian that the director of the library had asked for his whereabouts. The students proposed no clue as to where he was, or what he was doing. He would only usually reside in the library, or be seen feeding the campus cat behind the church if not.
And he wasn’t in either of those places. His classmates, roommates, friends, and relatives even, addressed the same answer as the others: No, we haven’t seen him, they said. It was only after questioning most of the entire school populace of students and professors alike, and with the always response of indifference, that he was officially declared missing.
After the declaration of his disappearance, the police were fast to respond as a few groups of investigators gathered. Throughout that night, police cars were parked just outside the Great gate. This kind of missing case wouldn’t have garnered much attention if it was the usual. People going missing occur daily after all.
However, this involved the prestigious school with a long-winded and untainted, rich history. Its students were commonly children from those of importance, or keenly intelligent. In simple words, the elite of the elites. Children who were seemingly favoured, were born with outstanding wealth and capacity for knowledge gathered in this school. Boasting of its former students that included Nobel Prize winners, Prime Ministers, renounced scientists, artists, and leaders in businesses and industries. A student missing from their supervision would prove to damage their reputation.
The school had only intended for the investigation in low profile, but the apparent interest of traducers had proven it difficult otherwise. The media was quick to catch up and soon his face was strewn across the local news and through various covers of the newspapers, with big captions labelled as ‘ A Student From the Distinguished Academy of Yellowwood Suddenly Went Missing ’. For the next few days, this would spread like wildfire and would be the gossip of the town.
Usually, only those with close connections to the missing person would be interviewed by the police. However, he had no one he was particularly close to, even within the students’ perspectives, he had no one who he would consider as close friends. The police had already interviewed his roommates, his professors, parents, and possible eyewitnesses.
Felix somehow found himself a part of the interviewee and was currently situated on a comfortable inclined chair.
Nov. 05 19XX, Wednesday, 3:32 P.M.
They were located in one of the many private rooms the dorm provided for students in case they wanted a room to study or simply lounge in. Although that is how outsiders viewed it. The students would call it the ‘ Make-out rooms ’ since it was partially a small room with only—all the corporate taste for opulent items—two large sofas, across from each other with a bean bag beside each. A normal person would beg to differ however, it was definitely not small.
Felix surveyed the place, eyes lingering on the furniture and decorative pieces as if it was his first time arriving again. The room is sparse on the usual ornate detailing, more geometrical than classical. The new dorm’s concept was purposed to be modernistic and new-fashioned in contrast to the old dorm which mainly adorned the Victorian and classic look.
Felix scanned for a personal touch, something that doesn't suggest a hired designer chose it. Nothing. The floor is polished, the walls ivory and the furniture he was sure is from a high-end Scandinavian designer, but the name escapes him for the moment. Minimalistic yet exquisite paintings hung from the rich, bright walls. The window panes glistened as it allowed a lot of light through, it didn’t appear blackened as it did from the outside, it was crystal clear with the most stunning panorama of the verdant court, and with the buildings in the New Court in full view. The trees that encompassed their college campus were like the ones on his father's miniature train table. The white curtains are linen—the kind of white that is untouched by hands and devoid of dust—and fluttered slightly from the wind that circulated inside.
Felix involuntarily shivered.
There are flowers, beautiful, the perfect shade of orange to compliment the pale hues and creams. On closer inspection, their stamens have been pulled to prevent even the pollen from disturbing the perfect sheen on the pedestal tables.
Felix was brought out of his deliberate thoughts by the sound of soft clicks of heels hitting the marble floor. He had failed to realise how one of his arms hugged the span of his torso and how he agitatedly picked on the skin of his chapped lips with the other. He felt a wave of anxiety hit him the moment the door closed after a woman and a man sauntered in.
Felix resorted to clasping and unclasping his hands instead when he realised his nervous antics. The woman paused for a while, taking in his details, before taking a seat on the sofa across from him.
“Hello there, my name is Inspector Tennison from the Knot Creek, District 9 Police Department,” she introduced herself paired with an amicable smile, the most her tired facial muscles could provide. And with a swift movement, reached from under her pocket to flash her badge.
She was a woman close to her late 30s, Felix concluded. Her long dark hair was swept into an up-do and her make-up was well applied. Even in twenty years, she'd look much the same save for a few fine smile lines and crow's feet as she approached middle age. Smartly dressed, however, casual as possible her profession would permit.
“-And that’s officer Morvay,” she indicated with the tilt of her head to the man standing beside the door. Felix shifted his eyes from her to the man and gave a nod of acknowledgment.
“Lee Felix I presume?” she extended a hand. The hand she offered to shake was manicured to perfection, her bright, red painted nails a startling contrast to her tanned skin. Making her hand already seem more old and gray than it already was. Felix returned the gesture and shook her hand with the gentlest squeeze.
“Right, that’ll be me,” he politely responded. “Nice to meet you.”
“Well, pleasure’s all mine. You don’t need to be so nervous, we’re just going to ask some questions,” she chuckled when she noticed the way he anxiously averted his eyes and the way he bounced his knees.
Felix tried to smile but a twitch was all he managed as he refocused on the woman from across him. Looking his way just as friendly as a kindly relative, yet still, his insides contracted like the air was an arctic flow. This was about him, wasn’t it? He thought, the missing librarian.
“I’m going to ask you about the boy who disappeared,” she clarified.
“Apparently you were the last one who came into contact with him before he went missing,” Tennison examined the boy’s features. Gouging out the slightest shuffled movements and subtle indicating actions.
“Ah, is that so? I-I didn’t know,” Felix internally grimaced when he choked on air, causing him to stutter. He cleared his throat inaudibly, swallowed, and then continued, “Mate’s at the library last time I saw him.”
Tennison nodded, already writing in her small journal that Felix hadn’t realised she had taken out. The inspector was serene as she worked, one part of her brain on her notes and the rest connecting things out with the information Felix was stating that only her inner eyes could witness. It was there in the rhythm of her movements, tapped out in the way her pen choreographed itself over the pages.
“How are you related to him? Are you his friend?” she asked almost robotically as though she had already asked the questions numerous times—which no doubt she did.
“Less of a friend, more of an acquaintance?” even Felix himself was confused by his own answer. And he just realised how he knew absolutely nothing about the missing boy. Tennison only let out a hum of approval, Felix’s eyes darted to her notes for a brief moment, making out a another one scribbled from under his name.
“We just pass by each other in the hallways. Sometimes have a conversation with him in the library, but that’s all..” Felix gave out a detached shrug and as if expecting his kind of answer, Tennison asked another question the moment he finished his words.
“Do you know someone who might have some kind of hostility against him?”
“No, I don’t know. He was friendly to everyone, knows a lot of people, but isn’t particularly close to anyone either,” suddenly his gaze went somewhere far beyond her shoulders. Submerged in his own thoughts.
“Well, when you last saw him was he expressing some kind of concern or somehow a problem? Afraid perhaps?” Tennison inquired with narrowed eyes, although she tried to act attentively, she had already predicted his answer. Considering how the others she had formerly interviewed had also responded with something along the lines of he was as usual.
“He didn’t look like it. He was looking the same as usual, smiling.” Bingo, Tennison humorlessly thought.
If this was how it would continue, then this case would be as good as a cold one. There was little to no evidence, no eyewitnesses, and the missing boy had almost no way to contact. By now, Tennison had concluded that the boy had voluntarily disappeared. She shook her head in disappointment, Kids these days. Especially silver-spooned kids who only knew how to flaunt their wealth and authority. Tennison had already had her fair share of this kind of case throughout her seven years of career, and it would be a lie to say that she wasn’t annoyed.
The trope was simple, their parents would appeal to the public to showcase how worried they were when in reality they couldn’t have cared less. The boy might have just wanted to run away from his overbearing parents, this was no old news for students born of high expectations. When he finally runs out of money, also because people of their calibre are ignorant of how the outside world works—outside the convenience of their undoubted indulged life. He would continue on how much his spoiled naivety could get him before finally returning with pathetic realisations and case closed.
Why waste my time then? What Tennison hadn’t known was that the case was anything but that. Felix heard the fatigued, more of an upset, sigh that came from the woman in front of him and he tilted his head. Tennison cleared her throat when she noticed the boy waiting—staring.
“Do you have any possible thoughts as to where he might have gone? Or why did he go missing?” she continued. Not even bothering to hide the lack of interest she had for his response as she devoted her time instead to doodling the corners of her notes. Felix frowned, the former nervousness he displayed was replaced with a ridiculed expression. However, he caught himself before Tennison shifted her attention, after being seemingly satisfied with her illustrative skills, to him.
“No, I only meet him either in the library or the hallways. I can’t think of any other places where he might go,” he answered, lowly.
“I see, according to another student. He was the one who called for you. Can you tell me why?” Tennison continued with her indifferent inquiry, failing to notice the sudden change in mood of the boy. Even if she did, she chose to ignore it.
“Uhm, sure. He called for me because he wanted me to give Jeongin the tape he found while working...Ah! But I guess he said some weird things,” Felix's eyes flashed for a moment when he remembered the details from his last conversation with the missing boy. His brief outburst caught Tennison’s attention as she refocused her gaze on the boy.
“Oh?” now this was something new. “Jeongin?”
“Ah, a friend of mine.”
“And why do you say the missing boy had said something strange?” Tennison’s curiosity was suddenly piqued by the revelation.
“In my last conversation with him, I don’t know if it was a coincidence or not. But he acted as if he knew he was going to be missing,” he scrunched his nose and unknowingly started to bite his lower lip. Tennison seemed to have been lost within her thoughts considering the moment of silence that yawned between them. When she finally regained her senses, she looked at Felix again.
“Can you elaborate on the conversation you had with the boy if you don’t mind?” she demanded. If he didn’t know better it would seem as if the inspector had always been passionate with her questioning how her eyes finally seemed to sparkle and how an unhidden enthusiasm was impressed on her face. Eager and listening, like a keen beagle.
“Sure,” Felix was hesitant at first, however soon words kept rolling out his tongue. He would tell this story a hundred times in the weeks and months to come under official and unofficial circumstances. He will tweak it occasionally, leave some details out—seemingly just because he was too lazy to tell it again, or maybe because he just simply forgot. He’ll either inflate it, out of pure naive gaiety or iron it down, depending.
However, the event that had really happened has lodged itself tightly in the back of his mind. Uncomfortable in his head as it continued winding itself through his thoughts on a continuous loop, unfurling in his dreams. He didn’t know where to begin so prompted instead to start on the events he could clearly remember.
He recalled briefly how the evening had already darkened when he was running through the hallways. Ignoring the rebuking scoldings from passing professors or members of the disciplinary committee as he ran past them with an insincere apology. He had just gotten out of his club and was already drenched with sweat. Opting to just take a bath when he got to the dorm instead of their usual routine of rinsing in the shower room just designed for the fencing club.
His mind was too driven with the intention to study for the test his class would have tomorrow. He intended to go to the library the moment he finished his club, the problem was that fencing took a while longer than customary so he hurried just as how the sun seemed to chase the horizon. There was a curfew to follow after all, and he only hoped that he’d have enough time to cram a month’s worth of lessons in the few hours to spare. A student had also called for him before he went to the club, stating that the librarian was asking for him. So Felix was left to wonder what he wanted with him, and this was another thought that busied his mind.
When he finally reached the doors that led to the library, he found the moment to catch up with his breath. Felix wiped out the beads of sweat that trailed from his forehead to his jaw with the cuffs of his sleeves. He pushed open the heavy swing door and went into a room with a tiled chessboard floor and about fifty shelves fanning out from a central reception area. Six or seven people were sitting at tables, studying. A boy in a thickly knitted sweater was reading a book titled Dear a Deer’s Death from beyond the counter.
“Whaddya’ call me for?!” Felix yelled from the entrance—which earned a few cursory glares from the library’s inhabitants—directing his question to the boy currently engrossed with his reading as he casually ambled his way towards him.
“Hello to you too Felix,” he smiled, lifting his eyes from the printed paper to look at the newly arrived boy. “And next time try to be a little quieter, we’re inside a library after all.” Felix only shot him a dubious look and snickered.
“Mate, why are you actin’ like a librarian all of the sudden?”
“What do you mean?” he gasped, offended, “I AM a librarian.”
“Oh please, I reckon everyone knows you’re only doin’ this job as an excuse to drown yourself with books, not really to be a—” he quoted with his fingers, “—blasted librarian,” Felix rolled his eyes harmlessly as he leaned against the counter.
“Oops, was I that obvious?” the librarian enunciated his statement by feigning a shocked expression, a hand ghosting over his lips strained to a poor of an attempt exclamation. With an unimpressed visage, Felix responded with a laugh that clearly lacked humour. The older smiled.
“Fair enough, moving on, what do you need from me? I still need to study and the library’s gonna close in like...what? four hours?” Felix trailed off, searching for the clock that he had already forgotten where was hung at.
“Two hours and thirty-eight minutes to be exact,” the librarian rectified, blowing some brown locks away from his eyes and Felix cursed under his breath.
How is he supposed to wedge all of the lessons in his head in under three hours? He never studied outside the library, so don’t expect him to study back at the dorm. Felix cupped his face with his hand and dragged them downwards in a dramatic act of grievance. He watched how the librarian momentarily swivelled the chair and crouched in his seat to duck behind the counter.
Felix could hear him open a drawer from below and the sound of paper and leather shuffling. When the librarian seemingly realized that the object he was supposed to give Felix wasn’t there, he frowned. He pivoted within his swivel chair and with the balls of his feet pushed through the opposite direction towards a stack of books in the corner. He started lifting them one by one, leafing through pages and Felix occasionally heard him say where did I put it again? as he continued to ransack the drawers and books.
Felix shook his head, how could he be a librarian if he’s that forgetful? He thought.
“Well, that’s weird I swore I put it somewhere around here,” he mumbled. Felix thought that it would still take a while considering a good, solid 10 minutes had already passed and he still couldn’t find whatever he was searching for. He was about to voice out his complaints when the librarian finally exclaimed.
“There you are!” he maneuvered, still in his seat, towards Felix as he extended out a hand. In which the latter received it with the palm of his hands.
“A cassette?” he asked, baffled. Tracing the outlines of the compact case containing a length of magnetic tape that runs between two small reels.
“Uh huh, your friend left it marked between the book he recently borrowed. Figured he probably forgot it or something,” he elucidated.
“Why not call for Jeongin then?” the librarian merely shrugged, the book he left lying over the counter was in his grasp again.
“I’ve never talked to the boy.” Felix let out a low hum of understanding before finally lifting his arms off the desk.
“Well, if that’s all then I still gotta torture my brains with the pest I call studying so au revoir !” Felix had already turned on his heels when he heard his name being called. He swung his head in response and raised a brow to indicate he was listening.
“I also have a favor to ask.” Felix took notice of how suddenly the librarian’s demeanor had changed. With an unsure pursed smile and fidgeting hand that crumpled the pages of the book under his fingers. Felix wasn’t sure if he was nervous or what, he hadn’t seen him looking so restless before.
“Yeah? No worries, what’s up?” Felix walked back to his prior position at the counter as he waited for the older to speak. Suddenly, as if the librarian’s behavior was contagious, he became nervous too. The nagging part of him, that warned of the time being wasted, was pushed against the back of his head as he directed all of his attention to the librarian’s next words instead.
“Oh it’s no big deal, I just want you to feed Whisky in my stead.”
“Whis-wait what? Who?” Felix let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Who’s Whisky? he thought. It took him a moment to realize who the older was relating to, then he gave a slow blink, “The Campus Cat?”
The librarian genuinely smiled at the mention of the feline, “Yes,” he nodded.
“Holy shit. Mate no! Why d'ya gave it a name?!” Felix shrieked as if the older had done something wrong. The latter had only furrowed his brows in confusion.
“What do you mean why? You call it the Campus Cat, that’s worse if you ask me. It needs a proper name,” the librarian simply said.
“ Touché , but s’not the point. Problem is you’ll get atta-” Felix couldn’t even finish his sentence when the librarian interjected.
“Can’t you? This is my first time asking a favor from you, so please?” he pleaded. Felix remained still with his movements, mouth still partially open. It was the heavy sigh that escaped his lips that had indicated his defeat—that he didn't even know why there was a reason to feel lost.
“Fine, no drama,” he spat out. “But why? You goin’ somewhere?” Felix wasn’t particularly that curious, it was just the first thing that came into his mind when the librarian had asked for the favor.
Something flashed beneath the surface of the librarian’s hardened expression and Felix noticed the sudden shift. However he was too late, the emotion had disappeared before he could identify it. Like reaching desperately for an escaped balloon; the string dangling so tantalizingly close but the wind pushed it away and it's lost forever.
“Who knows? I might just suddenly disappear…like magic,” the librarian laughed with a cock of his head and Felix had overlooked the way how the laughter hadn’t quite reached his eyes. Felix blew a derogatory raspberry and scoffed.
“All the reading finally screwed with the way you think. I’m warning you mate, before you go mad stop immersing yourself with fairytales,” he mimicked with his fingers as he twirled them beside his head, lips in a mock grouch. The librarian inclined an elbow against the mahogany desk, he merely smiled in return as his chin rested on the palm of his hand.
“In your dreams perhaps?” he rebutted. Felix grumbled and slackened his shoulders, He’s hopeless, he thought. With a look of pity directed at the older, Felix continued walking, remembering his initial purpose in going to the library in the first place. “Oh, and Felix?” the librarian called out.
“Yep?” Felix turned around again.
“Most people don't know that the real reason librarians make you be quiet is so they can hear if the ghosts are awake. So next time— and I mean it,” no more words were needed as the librarian placed a finger on his lips. Felix gave him a puzzled look. He already lost the plot, he thought but nonetheless nodded.
“Take care Felix,” was the last thing he heard that departed from the librarian’s mouth.
Felix responded back with a wave of his own before finally turning his back. He hadn’t noticed how the librarian’s expression fell. His clouded eyes continued to linger on his figure until he watched Felix vanish behind the bookshelves, before finally resuming his reading. What the librarian had not realized, however, was that he was just reading the same phrase over and over again. The words never seemed to register as his thoughts went astray.
“Well, I guess it might be just a coincidence after all,” Felix suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. Tennison only let out a low hum.
“It seems that way,” she nodded. “Does he always talk like that?”
“Talk like what?” Felix raised a brow.
“Hmm, he didn’t answer your question when you asked him if he was going somewhere,” Tennison began to tap the notes with the pen curled on her fingers and Felix observed how the dotted blots had formed an image akin to the night sky.
“Yea...? I guess? He’s pretty much,” the word had played on Felix’s tongue before finally voicing, “.. .enigmatic .” If Tennison's former inference had still seeded the benefit of the doubt, this has only confirmed her assumption.
“Are you sure he didn’t say anything to you?” Tennison’s tone was almost accusing, and Felix wasn’t fond of it, though he did not show it on his face as he remained impassive.
“About what?” he asked with the tilt of his head.
“Did he have any complications concerning the school? Has he ever been bullied?” she continued.
“No,” Felix shook his head, “---well at least I haven’t seen anyone do.” The thought of someone possibly hurting the librarian felt unpleasant for Felix to think about. That’s impossible, he frowned, he’s not that type of person to be bullied.
“Then,” she let out a heavy disgruntled sigh, “had he ever posed symptoms of some kind of mental complications, such as depression?”
“ No. I already told you, he’s not that kind of person,” Felix defended. The inspector’s persistent yet seemingly careless behavior began to confuse and disturb him. This woman’s getting on my nerves, he internally admitted.
“Do you, perhaps, know anything about his family circumstances?”
“What? No...why are you asking me that?” Felix had begun to feel uneasy, although he hadn't realized it, he didn’t like where the conversation was heading. Tennison nodded again, ignoring his question as she scribbled something in her notes that Felix wasn’t able to catch.
“Are you sure he didn’t have any problem that would compel him to lea—”
“You’re talking as if he had run away,” Felix interjected, feeling that the inspector’s questions were being too repetitive. Tennison suddenly found herself being insulted by the boy cutting off her words. But she willed the growing impatience away by reminding herself that she was conversing with an ignorant kid.
“Well, considering the fact that he simply disappeared with little to no evidence, no contacts, we’re kind of leaning in that direction.”
“No! He didn’t!” Felix persisted, not knowing why he felt the need to change the conclusion the inspector had in mind. “I already told you before—that he wasn’t that type of person!” he was practically yelling by this point, with brows knitted and veins on his neck threatening to burst. An uncalled emotion boiled from beneath his chest, riddling not only him but also the other occupants in the room.
“Then are you telling me he got what? Spirited away?” Tennison chided, half-sardonically joking and half-determined to prove the boy wrong. “Why are you so hellbent on saying he didn’t run away? Do you really don’t know anything?” Tennison’s brows were already formed into a scowl, and Felix perceived the underlying implications in her words. He found himself shrinking under her accusatory gaze and was rendered tongue-tied.
There was a nagging sense of comprehension that formed in his head, some sort of certainty that he couldn’t quite explain. He was convinced, however, that despite the nebulous case of nerves he was feeling that whatever’s happening was anything but, that can be just concluded as a simple runaway. It involved something deeper, something more intricate, and something more... terrifying.
After remaining unnoticed for so long, Morvay had finally uttered a word as he called for Tennison from the corner of the room. The inspector cleared her throat out of embarrassment, leaning back at the sofa again after realizing she had almost pushed herself to the edge of the seat. She momentarily admonished herself for being aggravated by the boy. Tennison knew for a fact that she was correct considering she had more experience than Felix, who was no more than just a student. After finally calming down, she spoke again.
“Kid, listen, people don’t just simply disappear, if he presumably had been kidnapped then there would always be evidence left behind. Children like yourself are only kidnapped in exchange for ransom and seeing that we haven’t gotten any call…” she paused, slowly voicing the words as though Felix was a preschooler, and making sure that the boy was listening in carefully, “I suppose he wasn’t . That only contributes to the fact that he had run away .”
Felix wanted to argue back that he didn’t. But knowing better, he refrained himself from doing so. The inspector was already tenacious and steadfast on her mind and Felix wouldn’t desire to misuse his time with futile arguments. He stayed muted throughout the rest of the inspector’s explanation. When Tennison had noticed the silent war of nerves, she gave a tight smile, her eyes mirroring the boy’s vexed ones. She closed her notes with a loud thump and proceeded to stand from her seat.
“That concludes our interview Mr. Lee, thank you for lending us your time,” Tennison had always said those words as customary to show appreciation for the people who gave their time to answer her questions.
However, the condescending mumble of you should be from the boy only served as a reminder of how considerable her resentment is directed toward people like Felix. And she convinced herself not to even utter a word of gratitude under their presence next time.
Tennison turned on her heels and left the room, not even sparing a glance at her companion as she passed by him. Morvay tipped his hat as he nodded and Felix only stared at him before he, too, walked out of the room.
Felix's eyes lingered at the closed door, not really thinking about anything. He didn’t know how many minutes had passed but when he finally recovered from his trance, he stood up with a stretch. Felix strode towards the window and shut it closed, the wind had long since unsettled him. And when he saw two figures exiting the dormitory, he followed them with his eyes until they disappeared into another building. The familiar observance from behind the curtain recollected a memory.
Oct. 30 19XX, Thursday, 8:30 P.M.
“Why do you always go out?”
The librarian accidentally dropped the set of keys he was holding intended to lock the library doors, he reached for it in reflex but failed to catch it as the clinking of metal collided against the floor—reverberating across the now empty hall. Felix was surprised when he heard him swear under his breath. The librarian turned his head towards him with a reprimanding glance. It was already night and the students have already retreated back to their dorms.
“Felix you scared me!” he grumbled. He was about to crouch down in order to retrieve the fallen keys, but Felix was faster as he picked them up instead by using one of his feet.
A hand was casually resting within his pocket and with the other, caught the keys effortlessly as they were sent thrust in the air. He internally grimaced when he felt the burning cold bite through his skin as the metal came into contact with his palm. And then he handed the keys back to the older with an ever-present sheepish smile playing on his lips.
“Sorry mate, didn’t mean to.” Felix might have purposely crept from behind him with that intention, but what he doesn’t know doesn’t kill him, right? he amusingly thought. The librarian, however, knew better, he only shook his head in dismissal of the mischievous boy’s antics.
“What did you say again?” he asked. With the keys now firmly clutched in his hands, he combed through them to find the specific key—which he couldn’t be bothered to do again if not for the freckled boy almost scaring him to death. When he finally did find it, he settled the key on the lock and turned it clockwise with not a moment’s waste. A satisfying click resounded and the librarian retracted the key before tucking it within his breast pocket.
“Why do you always go out?” Felix repeated, “Ya know, in the dead of the night?” Felix couldn't help but note the apparent stiffening of the librarian’s movements.
“What do you mean?” the librarian nervously chuckled, hands seeming to find themselves fidgeting beside him. Felix let out a triumphant smile, he was making the librarian this nervous. It was quite the feat if Felix might say so himself. He leaned an arm over the older’s shoulder, his face uncomfortably close.
“I'm not as dumb as you think; don't try to pull the wool over my eyes! You don’t need to hide it!” If the librarian thought that Felix’s smile couldn’t get any larger, then he thought wrong. The librarian shuddered when his gaze came into contact with Felix’s. He involuntarily gulped but the strained smile remained on his face.
“Felix, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You know it’s against the rules to go out once curfew,” the librarian gently pushed the boy’s arms off his shoulder as he noticed the latter’s eyes grew a darker shade. The wind suddenly blew, and he felt the cold creep by the nape of his neck.
“So...” Felix rounded his head. His locks of blonde hair—unruly, but perfectly framed his face—slightly fluttered in the process. The blonde hair and vibrant orchid eyes made his feather dusting of a freckles pop against his fair skin even under the dim night lights.
“Who are ya meeting with?” the librarian’s face fell faster than a corpse in cement boots. In that instant his skin became greyed, his mouth hung with lips slightly parted and his eyes were as wide as they could stretch. What Felix couldn’t understand was the exaggerated fear that formed on his features.
“Is it...” the librarian was silent as he anticipated Felix’s next words. “Is it Ashley or is it Sophia?” Felix giddily wriggled his brows as he erupted with giggles like a girl.
“What…?” the librarian didn’t know if he was supposed to feel relieved or pity the bemused boy for being so simple-minded. He was relieved nonetheless, as he smacked the boy behind his head, ultimately ending the...creepy, sinister —for the lack of better term to describe Felix’s—laugh. The younger had only shot him a playful glare before cracking into a grin again. He hooted.
“OHH ripper, you little! Look who got a girl! Look who got a girl!” he sing-songed. “Who would have imagined! The librarian? That same man who remained as stoic as a stone even when a girl confesses?” Felix paused to pat the older in his shoulder with a knowing look and raised a thumb.
“What makes you think it’s a girl?” the librarian smirked with an eyebrow raised. Advancing past the stunned boy as he made his way back towards the dorm. A few minutes had passed when he finally heard a shuffle of footsteps follow him.
“Oh, uhm, righto, Shouldn’t have assumed haven’t I? But, wait. I mean—that makes sense? Wa—” Felix was left a stuttering mess as he walked beside the older while flaunting his hands in a kind of apologetic way as he strung words of excuses and self-reflection. The librarian let out a boisterous laugh, and Felix was stunned again. He hadn’t seen him laugh so unreserved before, he would usually just direct a simple, gentle smile. The laugh was just as contagious as a yawn and this time Felix somehow felt accomplished as he laughed with him.
“You’re so amusing,” the librarian swiped a stray tear that formed from his outburst and finally quieted down. During the duration of their walk, Felix somehow felt he had gotten closer to his senior.
He wasn’t that ignorant as to not notice how he seemed to distance himself from the others. Felix would always spot him in the library occasionally talking to others, but most of the time, he was alone, immersed in reading a book. There were more than a few instances when Felix would turn to him for advice or simply because he wanted a conversation partner. He was caring as an older brother, and he felt thankful for that. He hoped that the librarian had also been comfortable with him, so when he asked for a favor, it was unexpected. Felix would have agreed no matter the request in a heartbeat, that’s just how indebted Felix felt towards him.
The walk was short and before Felix knew it they were back at the dorm. He couldn’t help but feel a little dejected at how their conversation would inevitably end. The librarian must have noticed his inner thoughts as he ruffled the younger’s head. Felix beamed him a smile. He pushed the button that indicated upwards and they waited in front of the elevator.
“Well, that was bonzer,” Felix remarked honestly. He turned to the older and winked, “And don’t worry mate I’ll keep your little secret.” The elevator ringed and not a moment later, the steel door opened. Felix was halfway inside when he felt a tug on his wrist. He tilted his head to the librarian.
“Uh…” Felix noticed how the older had bounced on his knees, biting his lips in contemplation. He averted his eyes from Felix’s anticipating ones before finally resettling them back again to him.
“Nothing, goodnight.” The librarian quickly pulled back his hand and inserted them in his pockets instead. Felix gave a confused frown while holding open the elevator doors.
“You’re not comin’?” Felix ransacked his memory to confirm that the older indeed lived a floor above him.
“No,” the librarian shook his head, “I still have some business left to do.”
“Oh, alright. Have a good one then!” Felix slumped back his arms beside him as the elevator door began to close, “See ya later!” he yelled back before the steeled door completely shut, never even having the chance to hear the older’s response.
Later that night, Felix went into the kitchen of his compartment. It might be an odd thing to say, but it had become a habit of his to suddenly wake up, hungry . This was the reason he had found out the librarian had been sneaking out one time when he only intended to eat some cereals. He expected it to be one of the patrol guards considering that it was dead of the night and that no students were allowed out after curfew.
What attracted his attention, however, was the strange, and stealthy actions the figure moved. He’s also not using a flashlight , Felix noticed. Starting from then on, there were various instances when Felix would catch that same silhouette again and he would always watch until it would blend in the darkness where his sight couldn’t make the silhouette out anymore. He never knew who the figure’s identity was until the prior night when his features were caught under lamp light. It would be a lie to say that he wasn’t beyond surprised to recognize that it was the librarian.
Felix extended a hand to open the cupboard where the cereals were stocked when he caught something moving in his peripheral vision. His movements stilled and his attention was completely focused from beyond the kitchen window.
How many nights does this make now? he snickered as he shook his head.
Felix continued watching the figure until it stopped just between where his eyes wouldn't be able to perceive anymore. And as if aware that it was being watched, the figure turned towards him. Felix felt his joints harden, a nervous smile faltering from his lips. He couldn’t possibly have known right?
The lights were closed from the inside and the window was designed to appear black from the outside.
Course’ not, Felix shrugged it off, but he couldn’t ignore the erupting goosebumps across his skin. He trained his eyes at the figure as if it would make things any clearer. It was still there, he noted. From the distance he couldn’t surmise whether it was still looking at him so he leaned closer, his nose almost touching the window pane. The silhouette moved and Felix jerked his head. Is, is he wavin—
Thud!
The air is suddenly rented by the sound of a colliding impact. And Felix stumbled away from the window, his legs tangled as he made a pathetic attempt to regain his balance by flailing his hands in the air before finally falling to the floor, quivering.
Tension grew in his face and limbs as his breathing became more rapid, more shallow. A flurry of thoughts accelerated inside his head. Willing them to slow so he could breathe. He felt his heart hammering inside his heaving chest like it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin. Perspiration formed from under his clothes and Felix blinked the blur in his eyes as he refocused his gaze at the window.
It was fractured.
The center of the impact was more protruded, a few shattered fragments already littered the floor like tiny daggers, the moonlight violently shining off them. It spread out like veins and branched like a drunk spider's web before imploding. What grabbed his attention, however, was that something was stuck just between the fissured pane.
The thing that had collided with the window. Felix dared to lean a closer look to ascertain what it was. What he hadn’t expected, however, was it to be— alive .
The crow squawked the moment Felix moved towards it.
“Fuck me dead?!” He stood on his feet and hastily backed off until his hips collided with the counter from behind him. The crow continued thrashing from the window pane.
Ink-stained feathers fluttered in the air as its tarry wings beat the air in an attempt to break free. Its talon scratched off against the window as it shrieked in protest. The crow continued to cry in an almost humanlike language as it became so raucous that Felix was forced to block his ears to prevent the bursting of his eardrums.
The sound sent shivers down his spine.
Its frantic body continued whipping around like some kind of crazed beast until a sickening crunch! resounded from it before quieting. Before Felix’s brain can register the sound of breaking glass, his eyes are shut tight and a million new knives fell softly over his exposed skin.
He froze, all but his heart remaining statue-like on the marble tile. When finally, he allowed his eyelids to flutter open he saw that the ground was stained red, the colour creeping outward among the shards. Felix trailed towards the limp figure of the crow before he closed his eyes again, and turned his head in repulse as his lips pursed thinly.
When he looked once more he saw how a large shard had embedded itself in the crow's neck, almost decapitating it. As the life fluid drained out of its garish red, it twitched for a few seconds. And Felix's stomach knotted as he was forced to watch in horror how it finally slumped. The blood that had flowed so freely from the avulsed neck now lay in pools around the corpse and made the once beauty of the floor ruined by the gore of the crimson. Its dark, beady, and grievous eyes were open, and though it was already dead, seemed to bore into him.
Felix shuddered. When his eyes flickered upwards to examine the broken window, he shivered again. His complexion, a pallid white.
The figure had already disappeared.
Felix wasn’t sure if it was the librarian who he'd seen, he resolved in asking him tomorrow when he might ever pass him by the hallway, or when he comes by the library.
What he couldn’t have possibly known was that it would be the last time he would ever see him.
Maybe it was because he was the one who had last seen him. Or maybe because he had the chance to stop him from going, that Felix had blamed himself. He might have even said he felt responsible when asked for the reason. The librarian was conspicuous with his clues yet Felix wasn’t able to catch any of them.
It was in there, the oddities, the way his eyes always seemed to shift over behind him. In the smiles that didn’t reach his eyes. In the way he nervously bit his lips and fidgeted. It was there in the way he hid his trembling hands in his pockets when he had gripped onto Felix’s wrists just before he went in the elevator. It was there in his face when he settled that it was nothing yet his eyes seemed to plead for him to stay.
The fear.
Felix should have insisted, should have been more firm in stopping him, or better yet, ask about what was troubling him. What was it that he was so afraid of? Felix thought that he would be all right, considering he knew everyone. But that was the mistake.
Everyone had Lee Minho, but Lee Minho had no one.
Felix’s eyes surveyed the court from beyond the window. He was unaware of how the time had passed and the sun had already begun to set on the horizon. He could have prevented his disappearance. He had all the reasons to.
Don’t worry, Felix caressed his abraded knuckles, there was never a day he had failed to punch a wall since his disappearance, I’ll find you.