Chapter Text
Pacing in his office, Cullen felt uncomfortable. It’s been hours and she wasn’t back yet. Being told she volunteered to go foraging didn’t surprise him. The woman has an uncanny sense for plants and he knows how much she used to enjoy doing it for her clan; the peace and solitude away from everything, especially when she became the First for her clan, was a blessing. He can only imagine how she jumped at the chance to escape their semblance of civilization, if only for a little while. But Healer Neve said she’d only be going to the bottom of the mountain, it shouldn’t be taking so long. He also shouldn’t be getting so worried about a simple foraging mission either, not when he knows what Elera’lath is capable of, but he can’t shake the bad feeling swirling around his gut or his heart, infecting his head.
Idly staring at a scroll in his hand for a moment longer than necessary, the words a blur at this point. He pulls his pendant from under his armor, gazing at it and picturing her face and soft unwavering smile whenever she looks at him. The knot in his stomach tightening forces him to throw down the scroll and march out of his office, taking the stairs to the lower courtyard.
“Commander—”
“Has there been any sign of her yet?” Cullen asks snappily but the healer shakes her head solemnly.
He takes a deep breath, beginning to pace back and forth again. His damaged mind only comes to worst-case scenarios which were driving him insane. He should go out there and find her himself—in fact, there's no should about it, he will! And if his worries are unwarranted, at least he’ll get to enjoy a stroll outside Skyhold with his beautiful elf before returning to work. Knowing Elera’lath, she’s perhaps too busy spotting more plants to realize the time.
With his mind made up, he takes strides toward the main gate—
“Hey Cullen! Is everything all right?” A Nevarran voice calls out, and he glances over his shoulder as she descends the courtyard stairs. The newly appointed Divine has been hiding out here from time to time due to the clerics driving her mad - as to be expected. He knows Elera enjoys having her around, though. It's incredible what good friends they've become, especially considering how they met and with her accusing El of the disaster that struck the conclave. The thought is as ridiculous to him now as it was when he first set eyes on her; though he's forever been biased, as much as he tried to remain professional.
“Yes… no. I… don’t know,” Cullen replies, wishing this ache in his chest would vacate.
“Where is Lavellan?”
“Lady Inquisitor went out foraging,” Neve replies in his stead and Cassandra probably thought the same as Cullen has been trying to convince himself of: that such a thing was nothing to get so worked up over yet he can’t deny his feelings.
“I can understand your concern, Cullen - it has been a while since she left Skyhold but I’m sure she’ll be back shortly—“
“Incoming!”
“Ah, see.”
The guard’s announcement brought Cullen a respite from the worry, a rush of relief, as he continued walking towards the main gate with a smile, though both are short-lived as the secondary gate opens—
“Oh, Maker!?” Cassandra gasps.
A new much fiercer ache forms in Cullen’s chest as on the other side, the love and light of his life almost falls onto the bridge as she staggers beyond. Her movements sluggish, her clothes ripped, and blood… so much blood.
“Elera!”
Cullen bolts from the spot, dashing along the bridge, shortly followed by Cassandra, Neve, and some guards. Watching her hobble towards him set off flashes of the snowy hills, her frozen half to death. As she begins to fall in arms reach, and he’s able to catch her, reminds him of holding her close after what became days of thinking he might never see her again. The first of many times that he got to embrace her. The first of many times fearing for her life.
“El,” he breathes, brushing her hair out of her eyes and she gazes up at him, smiling as lovingly as ever.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers but his brow furrows as he shakes his head.
“Whatever for?”
“For worrying you… I just wanted to help.”
“I know,” Leaning in, he kisses a spot on her forehead that wasn’t covered in blood.
“For the record… not all of this is my blood… I don’t think,” she murmurs though it wasn’t as comforting as he’s certain she hoped.
“I’m just so relieved you’re okay—you are okay, right?” Cullen exhaled deeply, uncertain whether she was, his gaze examining her body, the only wound he could see was the deep claw marks in her arm.
“I am—”
“Maker’s breath, what happened to you?” Cassandra exclaims while Neve kneels beside them to get a look at her wounds.
“Wolves… I was distracted by… I thought I saw—it doesn’t matter. It looks worse than it is… I’m just tired… there were four of them… if I had my staff they’d have been a piece of cake… sort of,” Elera explains, groggy.
Cullen remains silent, mostly too busy thanking the Maker that she was okay but also mulling over his fury that a simple foraging session only a few clicks away from their fortified fortress ended with her fighting for her life. She was sounding a little delirious too, perhaps from the blood loss, yet he couldn't help but wonder what she was talking about. Saw what… or who?
“It is as bad as it looks,” Neve begs to differ, “You’re lucky it didn’t take your arm off.”
“Oh… that’s probably why I feel lighthead—”
“Elera?!” Her head fell against Cullen’s arm and he felt like he was going to throw up.
How is it that he can’t escape her being in danger? How is it that she was in danger so close to Skyhold? It makes him want to always keep her by his side for the rest of their lives so he can always ensure her safety! But simultaneously, he worries El would grow sick of him if he did so. She's not one likely to enjoy being so heavily mollycoddled.
“Let’s get her to bed. I’ll tend to her wounds then it’ll be a matter of her resting—she must have expended a lot of mana,” Neve says, trying to reassure him that his Elera’lath will be okay, but she’ll forgive him if it’s difficult to believe when she’s covered in blood and unconscious.
“Very well… Cassandra, could you have a party of soldiers sweep the mountain for any further wolves… and anything else?”
“Of course. She’ll be okay, Cullen,” she replies, patting his shoulder.
He nods, picking up his future bride and carrying her back across the bridge. While Cassandra gathers together some soldiers, Cullen follows Neve towards the courtyard stairs after she fetches herbs, bandages, and other medical necessities, requesting her underling to join them shortly.
Considering Elera’s comfort, safety, and happiness, he doesn’t think twice about their destination. Her quarters may be more extravagant than either of them has had before the move to Skyhold but it has been a year now and he’s not sure when it happened but they have both come to accept its luxury. It’s become their room, their sanctuary away from duty; plus it has a fireplace to keep her warm, amenities to cleanse, and all their belongings in general. She has made the place her own, including a small shrine to her gods, but left plenty of room for him to put his mark there too, so perhaps it’s long since grown on her. Skyhold is home after all and she fell in love with every part of the fortress almost as much as she fell in love with him and honestly, sometimes both are a constant surprise to him. And while maybe she’ll always love his old quarters more, for the memories if nothing else, she’s long since earned the fancy quarters... and he knows she’d say he has too.
“Commander! Come along to your quarters,” Neve calls, “no time to dally.”
Her words make him pause and almost trip over his own feet because he knows she was talking about Elera’s quarters but never expected anyone else but her to actually refer to the room as his also. They are one now, he supposes, a couple, so it’s only natural that people presume they live together, which they do but he’s still getting used to almost everyone knowing about their private affairs. Elera’lath never minds it, just as she doesn’t seem to mind where she sleeps, as long as she’s with him and he couldn’t agree with that sentiment more if he tried. So long as he’s with her, he doesn’t care where they are, day or night. But Elera did love the unintentional skylight in his old quarters, and there have been a few nights sleeping on the balcony, which makes him think he should take her camping somewhere in the Hinterlands for a couple of days soon, so she can sleep in his arms, in the nature and under the stars she adores.
“Ma vhenan, I’m here, aren’t I? You know the answer but for the sake of your certainty, being with you is the only time I feel truly safe, you make me feel at home, you’re my heart, you’re—”
“Right.” Where he takes her doesn't matter in the end because his only concern is that she stays in this realm with him, that she gets the help she needs and recovers, so her... their quarters are the best place for that. Maybe he could have some workers create a window in the ceiling above their bed? Though then they’d need a new bed since their current one is a four-poster with a roof. Hmm.
Cullen sets his beloved down on the mattress, stroking her hair before reluctantly moving aside for the healer.
“Commander, could you fetch some warm water?” Neve requests though he nods before she can even finish talking and heads across to the fireplace, setting it alight to heat up one of the containers of water they keep full for morning washes.
Her larger cauldron is kept full for the bath... He sees her naked so often yet still, whenever he walks in on her in the tub, it turns him into the blithering idiot he thought was long gone with her. She seems to adore it though so as embarrassing as it might feel, he loves the smirk she wears when he trips over himself because of her. He, too, loves that her beauty never fails to astound him. How such a pure and perfect creature can exist continues to be beyond even his belief, and yet she continues to defy all manner of reason in so many different ways.
“Some nightwear to change her into also?” Neve further requests, making him almost drop the container as he pours some water into Elera’s washbowl.
“Uh nightwear… right,” Cullen delivers the bowl of water to the side table Neve had moved to Elera’s bedside, handing the woman some cloth and soap to clean her up the best she could—or he could. He didn’t know. He’d rather do it but he’d rather be the only one to touch her for the rest of their lives, regardless of how irrational. However, he does not know if Neve’ll allow him right now or if it'd be in El's best interest.
Rubbing the back of his head, Cullen looked around for a moment before grabbing one of his shirts that remained draped over the backrest of the sofa. Elera’lath has often worn his shirts in bed and sometimes around Skyhold—claims to love how they smell. He adores her so. Otherwise, she merely sleeps in her undergarments, or nothing at all when they are together, neither of which is an option right now.
“Thank you, Commander.”
“Of course,” he replies, gazing at Elera’s unconscious blood-clad face—she’s still so beautiful.
Cullen glances away from her for but a second as they’re joined by Neve’s apprentice and the pair immediately get to work cleansing, stripping, and treating his beloved under his watchful eyes from the foot of the bed. The thought to ask him to leave never came up and neither would he have complied. He’s not leaving her side and the Maker himself couldn’t force him.