Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Kim Sunoo!” when Sunoo heard his name, he just couldn’t believe it. He already stops wishing for his name to be called out when it’s only between Daniel and his K hyung, his talented K hyung.

He thought the producers will pick him, well any sane person will pick him but instead he heard his name. He was too overjoyed he couldn’t even move.

This is it, he thought, I'm so close to my dream now.

***

“Oh my god hyung, i was so scared when they haven’t call you, i’m scared we can’t debut together” Ni-ki said while shaking Sunoo’s shoulders in pure joy.

Sunoo can only smile, he still hasn’t completely absorbed the fact that he will debut soon. Of course he’s glad he can debut with Ni-ki, the person that has been supporting him since they were in Ground, but he also still needs time to calm himself.

On the ride to their dorm, the boys were talking happily. They too still couldn’t really believe that their debut is no longer a wishful thinking, that they are preparing for their debut for real.

The boys made a deal that whatever happened in I-land will stay in I-Land, they are no longer trainees, they are Enhypen and they no longer competing with each other.

***

Debut preparation is really hard, Sunoo definitely knows that, well everybody knows that. All the recording, choreography practice, briefing about the company plans and all that is draining the seven boys to the core.

What’s holding them back from breaking down is only the thought that this is their dream all along. Every member has their own way of coping with the exhaustion. The two members of the maknae line, Sunoo and Ni-ki, have their own way in the form of cuddling.

It’s a known fact that despite being the ball of sunshine, Sunoo doesn’t really like skinship. He’s not opposed to it, just to a normal amount. But despite that, he found comfort in cuddling with Ni-ki.

It all started way back then when they were still in the Ground. Every trainee already passed out on their bed because of the exhausting practice, except for one particular Nishimura Riki. When Sunoo noticed that, he couldn’t stop himself from asking just to make sure his dance teacher is fine.

“Ni-ki? Are you okay? Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Sunoo asked with a hushed voice,

“You’re not asleep too hyung, why are you asking me?”

“Well i was about to fall asleep when i see you moving around weirdly, is your bed not comfortable? You know you gotta get lots of sleep to survive tomorrow right?”

“It’s not the bed, it’s me. I just can’t sleep even though I'm so tired. Usually i hug my sister but there’s nothing i can hug here”

“That’s too bad, guess you won’t get any sleep” Sunoo said with a teasing tone.

“Aren’t you gonna help me?? If you’re not gonna help then why bother asking from the first place”

Sunoo laughed a little after hearing Ni-ki sulking, “then ask me clearly, what can i do to help you”

Sunoo can’t see that clear since all the lights has been turned off but he can feel Ni-ki rolled his eyes.

“Come cuddle me hyung”

“Why do i need to come when you’re the one that need it? Come here” Sunoo said while turning his back on Ni-ki.

Ni-ki quickly leapt out of his bed to Sunoo’s and immediately hugged him. To be honest, Sunoo wasn’t really comfortable in this situation. He wasn’t used to someone literally being a koala behind him while sleeping.

It took him some time to start feeling sleepy but he can feel how fast Ni-ki became relaxed to the point that Sunoo didn’t even need to look to know that he was fast asleep. It’s okay then, it’s okay to endure this as long as he can help him, he thought.

That was the start of how cuddling becomes healing time for both of them. Sunoo loved how he felt whenever Ni-ki hug him tight, he always feel like all the exhaustion just seeped out of his bones while Ni-ki treats Sunoo as his personal teddy bear that will always bring comfort.

Sunoo also loved how Ni-ki sometimes played with his hair when he feel Sunoo still awake. This duo treasures their cuddle time, all the other boys notice that but knowing that it’s just their way of coping, they see that just the way it is and nothing more. There’s nothing wrong with cuddling with your friends anyway right?

***

He should’ve known, he should’ve known that finding your comfort and healing in someone can lead into something that’s not completely platonic.

It’s a natural thing falling for someone who has been there for you all along but he can’t be falling for Ni-ki. Ni-ki is his younger brother, their maknae, he’s practically a child. Well, that’s a bit of exaggeration but still it’s not right to fall for him. How is he supposed to hide this and act normal?

Chapter Text

All of the boys just finished recording for their debut album. It was definitely a new experience. Not because they never recorded any song before, not because of that but because of the sheer pressure and how strict anyone with this album.

Sunoo completely understands why everything has to be beyond perfect with everyone's expectation but he didn’t know that it was going to be this exhausting? It will be fine if he’s only tired physically, then he can just sleep it off. But it’s starting to test his mental endurance too.

That part, he hated the most. He would be tired as soon as he awake just because of the bad thoughts that haunt him.

“You okay Sunoo hyung?” asked Jungwon while feeding himself a bowl of cereal. It’s 7 in the morning and there’s only two of them.

The rest of the boys tired themselves last night after a very hard session of dance practice. If he can choose, Sunoo will try to get more sleep but the bad thoughts just won’t let him, hence the reason he’s awake.

Maybe after getting some breakfast, he’ll try to get some more practice on his dance. He still feels like he lacks a lot and burdening the other members is the least thing he wants to do.

“I’ll be fine after some yummy breakfast, won-ah. Why are you already awake? It’s Saturday, you don’t have any school and our practice starts after lunch anyway” answered Sunoo while checking the fridge for some hearty breakfast but ended up finding nothing. Well, cereal will do.

“I could ask you the same thing, hyung. But to answer your question, the company actually asked me to come earlier than you guys, something about the leader test i guess? I’m not quite sure, they told me yesterday when I can barely think straight after that practice” said Jungwon while playing something on his phone.

“Oh god Jungwon, i can’t imagine doing anything related with test in this condition, good luck to you then”, Sunoo answered while sitting down after getting a bowl of cereal

“You haven’t answer my first question hyung, why are you already awake?”

“Oh you actually asked that?” Sunoo said while stifling his laugh, he actually thought Jungwon wouldn’t notice but of course that’s not what a leader candidate would do.

He still kept quiet thinking that Jungwon would let it go, but what happened instead was Jungwon putting down his phone to look his hyung in the eye. Guess he needs to answer this.

“My head is quite loud lately, getting more sleep don’t really help me anymore since i would wake up tired anyway. I’m planning to get some more practice after breakfast to make it go away, let’s hope it’s working”

“If extra practice can give your head the silent it needed then go ahead, but you know pushing your physics too much would make it worse in the long run right? I may not be the leader hyung, but as your dongsaeng i really hope you also pay attention to your body”

Sunoo stopped eating and then looked up to Jungwon, “I’m not weak Jungwon, I can handle extra practice just fine. If Heeseung hyung and Ni-ki can practice more than 3 hours then i can too”

Hearing the defensive tone Sunoo used, Jungwon just sighed and let the topic go, “I never said you’re weak hyung. Even the fittest person would crumble eventually if their body constantly got pushed to the limit. I’m not stopping you from getting any practice, I'm just reminding you to take breaks whenever you need.”

The talk stopped because Jungwon stood up to put out his bowl and start getting ready to go to the company. The topic of getting a break starting to be offensive for Sunoo. At first he appreciated his members for always taking care of him. But lately he started to saw some comments, a bad habit of his.

Those comments about his body, how his condition could be an obstacle for the group, how other people would fit more for Enhypen. Combine reading those comments with a tired body and you get negative thought materials.

Since then, everytime someone reminds him to take a break, all he can think about is how they saw him as a weak person.

***

Ni-ki wasn’t the only one who noticed Sunoo’s reaction. How he keep making face every time someone told him to get some rest. He also get up earlier than the rest of them to go to the company, he knew cause he would sleep with him in his arms and wake up without him.

Ni-ki keeps trying to ask him about it but the only time he can be alone with him is on the bed just seconds before one of them falls asleep because of how tired they are.

“Why is he getting pressed over me saying he needs some rest?”Jake was complaining while slurping on his ramyeon for dinner in front of the tv. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Ni-ki were having ramyeon as their dinner in front of the TV tonight.

“You know how a fussy baby will get fussier when you tell them to rest? Maybe that’s the same case” Jay answered while shrugging his shoulders

“he’s not a baby, we told him to rest cause he started to look out of it, why is he so mad about it” Jake said in his natural pout while stirring his ramyeon.

“The problem is not on us, it’s in his head. If he haven’t figure it out by next week, i’ll try to talk to him” Heeseung said in final, putting an end to the discussion.

All along the talk, Ni-ki just kept silent. Tonight it is, he’ll talk to his hyung tonight.

Chapter Text

“Sunoo hyung?” Ni-ki peeked inside their shared bedroom. All the lights are out, Ni-ki can barely see anything but he saw the silhouette of Sunoo’s body. He was facing the wall under the blanket while playing with his phone.

From this distance, Ni-ki can see that his hyung is currently scrolling something, just full of words. Not sure what he was reading.

He got no answer from Sunoo but since he’s awake anyway, Ni-ki decided that it was enough to approach him and talk. He walked and sat beside Sunoo’s figure.

He was planning to spoon him but Ni-ki knows that if he lay down behind his hyung then he’ll be too comfortable to have a very serious talk so sit down it is.

Still no answer or sign that Sunoo is acknowledging him so Ni-ki put his hand on Sunoo on top of the blanket.

“Hyung?” asked Ni-ki one more time while patting him softly. Sunoo just stop scrolling, he didn’t answer but this was enough for Ni-ki.

“Can we talk?” after Ni-ki said that, Sunoo put down his phone and turned to him, all that while he was still laying down.

“I want to ask you if you’re doing fine, but the answer to that is already obvious. You know that i got you right hyung? Would you mind me asking what happened? What made you like this?” Ni-ki still using a very soft tone, didn't want to ruin the quite atmosphere they got in the bedroom.

“Is it wrong if I want to practice more? Is it wrong if I want to work even harder than before? Everyone’s been doing that for now but now that it is me why suddenly everyone told me to rest? Are you guys still thinking I'm weak because I was sick before?” Sunoo answered while playing with Ni-ki’s fingers that were in front of his stomach now.

He’s not looking at Ni-ki’s eyes, just his hand. Even from this angle, Ni-ki can see his hyung talks with a little pout. He would’ve cooed him if he didn’t hear something in Sunoo’s voice.

“Oh no baby, you got it all wrong” if Ni-ki wasn’t trying to cup Sunoo’s face with his hand, he would’ve noticed how Sunoo stiffen with that use of nickname.

You see, Sunoo is good with maintaining a straight face when he needs to but his body can’t lie.

“It’s not that we don’t want you to work hard or practice. It’s just that you’re forgetting your rest sometimes. Obviously we don’t see you as someone who’s weak. I mean, if you’re asking my opinion, you’re the strongest person I know!”

Sunoo let out a little smile while hearing Ni-ki. How can he not smile? This kid is so biased, he thought.

“But even the strongest person need their rest, you know.” Ni-ki caressed Sunoo’s hair softly. Sunoo took Ni-ki’s other hand for him to hold. He needed that.

“It’s good if you want to improve for yourself, it’s basically what we need to do to survive but is this truly for yourself?” Of course this kid noticed. Of all people, of course it’s Ni-ki that saw right through him.

"I saw some stuff..” Sunoo said quietly,

“they said i couldn’t keep up with the other and someone else should’ve been here instead of me” Sunoo’s voice starting to crack towards the end of his sentence.

“Hyung you know we’re not supposed to read those right? It’s pushing you to improve with the wrong way” Ni-ki starts to lay down too and hug Sunoo tightly.

“What do they know anyway? You shouldn’t listen to people who hide behind their anonymity because deep down, they know they’re doing something wrong” Ni-ki starts to feel Sunoo crying.

“I’m begging you hyung, if you ever see something like that again, tell me and i will remind you how amazing you have been doing. Only listen to me. I will always be here to bring you back”

Sunoo can’t say anything after that. Ni-ki sounds so convincing. He sounds warm. He brought peace to Sunoo’s mind. Listening to Ni-ki and his reminder every time bad thoughts come doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Sunoo almost asleep to Ni-ki stroking his back when he said something again,

“If you still want to practice, i’ll help you so please let me be there too”

Was the last thing Sunoo listened to before he felt warmth and then he drifted off.

Chapter Text

Since their talk, an obvious difference can be seen from how Sunoo reacts to other members' reminder to rest. As if it’s a mutual agreement between the other members, they also don’t mention anything about how Sunoo and Ni-ki are getting even closer.

Not that they’re not close before, but now? They are basically attached to the hip. Where Sunoo goes, there will be Ni-ki too. Both often have lunch together because Ni-ki will stay with Sunoo after practice a bit more to accompany him, just like what he promised.

Jungwon didn’t say anything about it since he thought that whatever this is, is not entirely a bad thing?

Sunoo feels different too. But this one, he’s not really sure if it’s a good thing or not. Lately he’s been spending a lot of time with Ni-ki. They eat together, practice together, and sometimes sleep together too.

At first, Sunoo didn’t realize the change, he just feels content and happy most of the time. But one morning, Ni-ki has been smiling the whole time until they arrived at the company.

“Why are you smiling?” Sunoo asked while unknowingly trying to hold back his own smile. He doesn’t know why Ni-ki’s smile made him want to smile too.

“What? Nothing happened, I mean i was just happy, you know”

“Well I’m happy too but do you see me smiling the whole breakfast? Come on just tell me”

“It’s just that I woke up happy, okay..” Ni-ki was still smiling when he said that but his voice got a bit smaller towards the end, as if he was shy about something.

“Yeaahh…but why tho?? Something happened?”

“Umm.. you hugged me back”

“Huh” Sunoo was visibly confused by the answer.

“Back then, I’m just an extra body on the bed while you sleep pushed to the wall. Recently, I can hug you. But this morning I woke up to you hugging me too. That’s why I’m happy.”

After Ni-ki’s answer, both of them are silent for a different reason. While Ni-ki feels a bit embarrassed, Sunoo feels weird. For now, he will call what he’s feeling as weird because honestly he doesn't know what this feeling is. They’re not the ones he usually encounters.

***

And that is how Sunoo realizes something is changing. Towards something he’s not completely sure.

Each passing day, Sunoo tries to act as normal as possible, even though he’s still trying to process his thoughts. Each day, he’s trying to search what exactly that he’s feeling? Like what is it that made him feel different, just what is going on with him.

Despite his best attempt at acting normal, he couldn’t help getting lost in his thoughts. And that’s exactly how Jay found him in the living room, just sitting straight on the couch zoning out, in a rare afternoon where they got dismissed early for a rest by their vocal coach.

“Hey, ddeonu, you okay?”

“Oh gosh, you scared me a bit.”

“Wow you really zone out you don’t even notice me walking here” Jay said while sitting beside Sunoo on the couch, some K-drama playing on the TV but none of them paying attention.

“Sorry hyung, I was just thinking about something” Sunoo said while laying back on the couch.

“Obviously, mind telling me what’s on your head?”

“I feel weird these days, hyung”

“Weird how?”

“I don’t know! Just weird sometimes, but I don’t even know why or what made me feel like this” Sunoo explained while flailing his arms,

“Well that made it hard to understand”

“Right?? That’s why I was just so frustrated” Sunoo looks really frustrated, Jay can see that now on his face

“Have you tried asking Ni-ki?” Jay asked while searching for the TV remote, trying to turn it off cause why turn it on if nobody’s watching anyway.

“Ni-ki? Why would I ask Ni-ki?” Sunoo furrowing his eyebrow

“I mean, with the amount of time you guys spend together everyday, he probably would notice if there’s something different about you, no? Cause if you’re asking me, nothing changes about you other than you’re now more open to Ni-ki’s affection and his touchiness, you know? But that’s probably because you already got used to that, '' Jay said so nonchalantly, not knowing how his simple words move some gears in Sunoo’s brain.

***

Few days after that, Sunoo tried to ask Ni-ki. He really tried, but every time the words almost came out of his mouth, something just held him back.

During those few days too, Sunoo learns something that will help him figure everything out. These weird feelings he kept feeling are only there when he’s with Ni-ki.

At first he thought, it’s what Ni-ki did that brought those feelings. So one morning he asked Sunghoon to help him practice since Ni-ki has another schedule anyway. His practice session with Sunghoon didn’t make him feel weird, at all. He’s feeling completely normal the whole practice. It’s something else then.

Sunoo comes to a conclusion. It’s always with Ni-ki, but not because of something he did. The weird feeling is because of Ni-ki. There is something different, something weird that Sunoo feels for Ni-ki.

Chapter Text

Several months have passed since Jay and Sunoo's conversations. Although they just made their debut, they are already getting ready for their next comeback.

Saying that they’re busy would be an understatement. There will be a schedule for something every day. And when they’re not doing that, they would be practicing and learning.

Every day passed, leaving Sunoo with no time to reflect on his current predicament. He is quite interested on learning more, especially about his maknae's situation. He tried to think things through during his free time before going to sleep. But that truly wounded his skull, which is the issue. He didn't want to spend his free time doing that.

Sunoo didn't even notice Ni-ki and he weren't acting like typical friends, did he? He was unaware that other people could view their relationship differently. His attempt to figure it out himself is probably because of this reason.

Since Sunoo constantly seems to have a deep understanding of himself and to be extremely sensitive to other people's emotions, it is truly incredibly irritating. For the sake of understanding himself more, also figuring out his relationship and feeling for Ni-ki, he’ll talk to someone else now.

Sunoo, determined to find someone to talk to about the issue that has been bothering him for the past few months—someone other than Ni-ki, of course—in the morning. Sunoo awoke at eight in the morning and swiftly completed his morning routine.

While enjoying his breakfast, Sunoo contemplates on who will be his chosen partner to talk. Since it’s still early, all his members are still at the dorm so he has more to choose from.

***

At first Sunoo’s choice fell to Jungwon. He tends to be a fantastic listener, better than other members if you ask him, in addition to being the leader, but sadly the leader has some meetings with the staff that day. Although Sunoo can join that meeting, he’s not really interested in that stuff. Also, today he actually plans to do extra practice for the b-side track from their upcoming album so he also needs to find someone with a similar schedule. That left him with Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon.

He could speak with Jay once more. The advantage would be that he didn't need to repeat everything because he already knew everything. But Sunoo has pride, you know? It kinda embarrassing for him to ask Jay again when it’s been months.

Sunoo didn’t really want to talk about feelings stuff with his Jake hyung. Jake is such a nice boy and he would definitely listen to Sunoo if he explains to him first that he wants to talk about something serious. But he’s not sure if Jake is the right person when he doesn't even realize that a certain someone is constantly staring at him with heart eyes. Asking Jake will be like the blind leading another blind.

So Sunghoon it is. He’s not a bad option if you want to discuss something that needs rational decisions because he is the most logical person Sunoo ever met when he is being serious. But maybe some rational perspective is what Sunoo actually needed this whole time.

Talking about perfect timing, Sunghoon walks in the kitchen and going straight to the fridge.

“Oh Sunghoon hyung! I was just about to ask you something..” Sunghoon just turn his head to Sunoo’s direction as an answer.

“You’re going to practice for fever right? Can we practice together?” Sunoo asked while Ni-ki and Jungwon also walked in the kitchen.

“No, I’m gonna practice for drunk-dazed” Sunghoon said while rummaging the fridge for some apples,

“Can you just practice fever with me? Please!!” Sunoo said while whining,

“You can practice fever with me, hyung” Ni-ki, who now sat beside him,

“No.. you don’t have to. I know you got a vocal lesson today, I can just practice with Sunghoon hyung, right hyung?” and that said hyung just hummed as an affirmation that they can practice together.

Jungwon saw it all unravel in front of his eyes, from Sunoo that just straight out declined Ni-ki’s offer to the slumping of Ni-ki’s shoulder because of the rejection. He’ll just handle it later.

***

“Just spill it” Sunghoon said while playing with his phone. The two of them, Sunoo and Sunghoon, are currently on their way to the company.

“Spill what?” Sunoo asked,

“Why are you so adamant to practice with me? We both know Ni-ki’s lesson will only last for two hours max and he can help you better”

Sunoo was caught off guard. He thought Sunghoon was barely awake when they were in the kitchen but it turns out that he was very much aware.

“I’ll tell you later when we’re arrived” Sunoo said while looking outside from the window.

Today’s weather is really good, hopefully today will be good too.

Sunoo decided to start the talk while they’re stretching,
“So, you already know i have a reason why i wanted to practice with you”, Sunghoon only turn his body towards him and Sunoo continue,

“Few months ago, I talked to Jay hyung.” feeling the seriousness from Sunoo’s voice, Sunghoon stays silent while maintaining eye contact.

“Honestly I don’t know if this is serious or not but this have been bothering me a lot”

“Is this something about you and Ni-ki?” Sunghoon decided to ask,

“Wait, how did you know?” Sunoo was again caught off guard by the hyung he least expected,

“I just noticed you’ve been kind of weird whenever Ni-ki was near you? I don’t know but you seem like you were thinking really hard when Ni-ki did something for you or to you.” Sunghoon answered, now just sitting facing Sunoo, not even continuing the warm up.

Sunoo went silent after Sunghoon answered so Sunghoon asked him again, “are you uncomfortable with Ni-ki? Did he do something to you?”

Sunoo looks up and said “it’s not him, it’s me. I’ve been feeling weird everytime he did something to me, not in a bad way I assure you”

Sunghoon visibly relaxed after hearing that. He can’t imagine two of his dongsaeng having a bad relationship this early in their career.

“I told Jay hyung about my weird feeling and he told me to talk about this to Ni-ki, which was not easy somehow, but he also told me that I’ve been more accepting to Ni-ki as in like his touchiness, you know?” Sunoo explained with his expressive hand gestures,

“And this bothers you because?”

“Well since Jay hyung point that out, I start to notice it too and doing that just makes me feeling more weird and I’m just so frustrated because I want to go back to before all this so I don’t act weird in front of Ni-ki” Sunoo ended his rant while unknowingly pouted lips.

Sunghoon had an inkling of what was going on with Sunoo.

“Have you ever had a crush, Sunoo?” Sunghoon asked now while resuming his warm up, he remember they were here for practice in the first place,

“Of course.. I had so many crushes back then like from elementary to even middle school” Sunoo answered, he is now standing too to stretch.

“Did you forget the feeling from looking at them or even just standing near them?”

Sunoo now looking into Sunghoon eyes, Sunghoon continues “Didn’t you have this weird feeling in your stomach? People call it butterflies but the first time I felt it, I just called it weird. Did yours also feel the same?”.

Sunghoon can see the gears working in Sunoo’s brain. Sunoo didn’t answer that and Sunghoon decided their talk ends there.

***

Butterflies in their stomach, is that what Sunoo has been feeling these past days or months? He often saw that phrase, but maybe he didn’t exactly remember how it felt like to lock eyes with your crush across the classroom.

But if that is what he has been feeling, does that mean he has a crush on him? On Ni-ki? It can’t be. He can not have romantic feelings for him, he’s a child! It’s just wrong! Sunoo is also pretty sure that he did not have a crush on Ni-ki.

If, just if he does have a romantic feeling for him, which is very wrong, he will stay away. And hopefully the feeling will go away too.

Chapter Text

If Sunoo’s first talk with Jay made him even more confused, his talk with Sunghoon left him feeling something different.

His hyung implied that he likes Ni-ki more than a friend. But thinking that he has a crush on that said boy made Sunoo feel like a bad guy. They are a friend that fortunately made it to debut together after all the struggle they faced together. As far as Sunoo K-pop knowledge goes, people in the same group are supposed to be brothers. Brothers don’t like each other romantically.

He adores Ni-ki, that he admits. Ni-ki has been such a supportive figure this whole time. Yes, his laughter will bring a smile and a laughter too out of Sunoo. Sunoo also admits that his eyes will always follow Ni-ki.

In his defense, he’s just being a protective brother, is he not? Calling all these as a crush would be too much.

Another thing that happened again when Sunoo’s dealing with his inner thought is that he starting to ignore certain tall pouting maknae, which his other member notice too.

***

“I can’t believe I need to talk to you again about this..” Jungwon suddenly said, they were currently taking a break after pre-recording for Drunk - Dazed. Sunoo just froze in his seat while still holding his water bottle.

“Talk again about what?” Sunoo was visibly confused by what his leader said.

“Ni-ki, you’re ignoring him again.” Jungwon sat beside him and turned on his hand fan. He continue to talk while closing his eyes,

“I knew it, you don’t even realize” Jungwon sighed, “Hyung, you’ve been stuck in your head this whole time you keep rejecting Ni-ki whenever he asked you to do the things you guys always do together”

“No, I did not. If you saw him being moody, that’s just him being a teenager”

“Hyung, you rejected him when he asked you to watch a thriller movie last night, and the night before, and also many many nights before that. I thought it wouldn’t affect him since it’s only some movie night but he’s been sad lately and I just know it has something to do with you” Jungwon said while looking at Sunoo in the eyes.

Sunoo can see that Jungwon is being very serious about it. Realization dawned on Sunoo, did he really ignore Ni-ki in such a significant way that every living creature with two working eyes can see?

"I don’t remember it being that bad… I just remember some tiny bit of rejection..” Sunoo said with a small voice. He didn’t really like being confused but he hated it if his effort to figure some things out made people sad, especially Ni-ki.

“I’m not really sure what your reason is, and I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But as a leader, not your dongsaeng, can you do something? Anything that can make Ni-ki feel more at ease. He’s only a bit sad now and it’s not affecting his performance but I don’t want this to escalate even more.” Jungwon ended the talk with a stern voice and stood up to walk to their makeup noona for some touch up.

Sunoo then looked around trying to spot Ni-ki and he found him sitting in the far left of the makeup chair, scrolling his phone with slumped shoulders. Sunoo promised to himself and Jungwon that he’ll fix it.

***

Enhypen just finished their whole promotion for Drunk - Dazed and Fever. They received such great responses that they finished with so much happiness. Yes they are completely exhausted and everyone is ready to get their deserving rest before the preparation for the next album.

The company informed them that they get a week of rest before they have to dive into the next schedule. Each member already planned what they were going to do. Some will go home - Jungwon and Jay, some will just get more rest while still doing some exercise to keep their body accustomed to their fast paced lifestyle.

Sunoo was actually planning to visit his family for this vacation. His noona been asking him to come home and spend time with their family.

At first, he’s really excited to be home but he remembered that he also needed to fix his relationship with Ni-ki. A week of vacation would be a great opportunity to do that.

“What are you going to do for the week, Ni-ki?” Sunoo suddenly asked Ni-ki who was sitting on their sofa while playing with his switch.

Ni-ki was shocked that Sunoo was asking him questions when he had been ignoring him for what feels like weeks.

“Just staying in dorm of course, it’s not like I can do anything else.” Ni-ki finally answered, still playing with his switch. His answer sounded a bit cold, but Sunoo can’t blame Ni-ki, he’s still in the age of sulking, you know?

“Are you not going to ask me about my plan for the week?” Sunoo asked again while sitting, now facing Ni-ki. Ni-ki put down his switch, he was about to answer something sarcastic and snarky but decided not to do that after seeing how excited Sunoo was. He is indeed still a bit mad but he’s not physically capable of being mean to starry eyed Sunoo.

“What are your plans Sunoo hyung? Aren’t you going to visit home? Jungwon hyung told me that”

“Well Jungwon definitely did not know my updated plan for the week then” Sunoo still wearing his very wide smile that made his whisker dimple shows,

“What’s the new plan then?”

“I’m actually planning to stay here, just like you”, Sunoo's body gesture showed that the man still has more to say so Ni-ki just stayed silent to let the boy speak more.

“Some birdie told me that you’re kinda sad with how distanced we are,” Ni-ki was about to protest but then stopped by Sunoo that raised his palm,

“I will not disclose the details but what I want to say is, I will dedicate this week for us, for Sunki. I will redeem myself with doing everything that you want” Sunoo looked so proud for that initiatives that Ni-ki just automatically smiled to - mirroring the wide smile in his hyung’s face.

“Don’t do this if this is just for me, hyung. This week is a rest not for me, but for you too” Ni-ki said softly. Although a week of being accompanied by his favorite hyung sounds so good, Ni-ki didn’t want to be a burden for Sunoo.

“Nooo… trust me, I want it too. I miss us too, just playing together,” Sunoo answered, head down and just playing with his finger.

Ni-ki sighed, “alright then, if that’s what you want to do, then let’s do it. Sunki’s week?”

“Sunki’s week.” Sunoo beamed with the answer.

***

And this is how Sunki’s week went: they watched a movie every night, of course Ni-ki got to choose - although oftentimes he chose the movie he knew Sunoo would like. They ordered food for lunch and dinner together, well the members that stay at the dorm also there too but usually they just eat and then either go back to their room or go out meanwhile Sunoo and Ni-ki’s meal is filled with so many conversations.

It feels like all the pain that Ni-ki felt from Sunoo just faded away. Their hyung that watched how they’re starting to go back to how they used to just happy for it.

Obviously, Sunki’s week really did good to Ni-ki. He’s now more cheerful, back to being his usual self. Since Sunoo started to sleep with him again, he’s getting more sleep. And if you’re asking Ni-ki, he would also say that his sleep quality definitely improves. But what about Sunoo?

Sunoo is just happy. Every single thing he did with Ni-ki, he tried to do without putting much thought. It turns out, whenever Sunoo didn’t really think too much, his responses to Ni-ki is always a yes. It’s always a smile when he’s with Ni-ki.

Since he’s too busy just spending time with Ni-ki and other members and also starting to prepare for their next comeback, all the conflicting feelings he had for Ni-ki because of the talks with Jay and Sunghoon are forgotten for a while. Sadly, that didn’t last long.

***

They were about to start practicing for the next title track Tamed - Dashed, as in Sunghoon and Sunoo.

“I’m happy that you and Ni-ki got it all figured out” Sunghoon said while smiling to Sunoo,

“Figure out what?” Sunoo chuckled.

"Your relationship? How cute young love is,” Sunghoon said with a little smile,

“What do you mean young love? We’re just good friend” Sunoo now a bit confused, all his weird thoughts about how he can’t have a crush on Ni-ki starting to reemerge.

“Are you sure about that? Ni-ki definitely did not think that” Sunghoon still answering with a teasing tone,

“What do you mean? What did Ni-ki think about our relationship?”

Now Sunghoon is confused too, “I thought you guys were taking it slow? Like as in dating?”

“Why would I date Ni-ki, hyung?? He’s a child” the way Sunoo said that made Sunghoon replied

“I asked him the other day if he has a crush on you and that boy just smiled and said ‘let’s see’ so I thought he’s going to confess to you?”

Sunghoon's answer just made Sunoo panic. He quickly got up and gathered his stuff and then just left.

It can’t be. Ni-ki can not have those feelings for him. They are so young, Ni-ki probably just confused. Just like himself, Ni-ki probably needs some time to figure out his true feelings. Maybe staying just like they used to is not a good decision.

Chapter Text

For a few days after what Sunghoon said, Sunoo tried his best to look at his interactions with Ni-ki. Sunoo’s not dumb and he’s also not someone inexperienced in romantic stuff.

Well. he never dated before or pursued romantic relationships in his school days. But in his defense, he has a lot of friends that did that so he knew what kinds of actions people do when they’re pursuing someone.

Everything he did with Ni-ki, all the cuddling and hugging, isn’t that normal between really close friends? But when he tried to bring that up to Jungwon, all he got was weird looks. Not even a clear answer. It was almost as if he could actually hear Jungwon say “I won’t answer stupid questions”.

He almost asked Sunghoon hyung again but Jungwon’s reaction to his question made him decide not to do that. Sunghoon would probably laugh at him and tell him that isn’t he supposed to be the one that is so good at understanding people?

Romantic relationship between two members of a group wouldn’t be a good thing isn’t it? Especially if it is between Ni-ki and him. He probably should’ve asked someone else's opinion for this like from his eldest hyung perhaps? But Sunoo will be an adult soon, he can make his own decision.

Taking all that into consideration, for the sake of the group, Sunoo decided that from now on, he will limit his relationship with Ni-ki. This plan will start after they’re finished with dimension dilemma promotion.

Saying that is so much easier than done. The week before his Avoid Ni-ki plan, they did literally everything together. As long as there was no schedule, the members could find them attached to the hip. Ni-ki even broke into his old habit by sleeping with his Sunoo hyung again.

Sunoo already has a feeling that it won’t be easy hence why he put off the plan until after the comeback. Ni-ki keeps on pestering him and just won’t let him be alone. Which is normal to be honest.

Just days ago they couldn't be separated, and now? Ni-ki felt like he can’t even see Sunoo and that’s saying a lot since they are roommates.

Sunoo tried so hard to not reciprocate that. He misses him too! No wait, he didn’t miss him. Sunoo tries to shake off this thought. It’s probably hard for him because being with Ni-ki has already become a habit for him. So it made sense if it is hard to do but he already made up his mind. For the sake of the group.

***

This plan however ruins the mood of both Ni-ki and Sunoo. It was, again, to the point of Jungwon noticing whatever is currently happening between them. However, since Jungwon talked to Sunoo last time this happened, this time he decided to go for Ni-ki.

“What is going on again?” Jungwon asked Ni-ki who was dozing off on their sofa. He probably was waiting for his turn to use the shower. Ni-ki only slightly open his eyes to look at Jungwon briefly before he closed them again.

“I don’t know… why don’t you ask your best friend?”

“It’s funny how you already knew i’m going to talk about what happened between you two” Jungwon answered while fixing his position on the sofa, preparing himself just in case this is going to be a long talk.

“Everyone with two working eyes will notice hyung” Ni-ki sounds tired, well everyone was tired but he was like extra tired.

“Well that is right actually, but come on do you really don’t know anything? Did you do something wrong?” At this point, Jungwon was tired too, he wanted some clear answer to be able to solve this ongoing problem.

“I have no idea, hyung” Ni-ki sat up and looked at Jungwon, Jungwon knew that he was serious too.

“we were better before, we spent the whole week together and it was amazing”

“If it’s so amazing, why aren’t you two at least able to sit in the same room?” there was a slight frustration in Jungwon’s tone.

“Again, I have no idea. All I know is that Sunoo hyung also enjoys everything we do cause i know him. But maybe if he won’t run away every time we made eye contact then i can ask what happened”

Jungwon sighed, “I don’t remember fixing my members love situations to be part of the job description”

That actually brought laughter to Ni-ki, “It is actually, it’s part of the members well being
Please ask Sunoo hyung for me, he’ll listen to you for sure”

“I’ll try my best okay” Jungwon pat Ni-ki’s back before walking to their room to rest. Sunki’s problem will be next morning Jungwon’s duty.

Chapter Text

Jungwon's conversation with Sunoo does help him in understanding the reason why Sunoo did what he did. He wouldn't do the same thing, if you asked him. But then again, he's not his Sunoo hyung and he also not the one who is currently experiencing it. It's Sunoo and Ni-ki.

Even though he is their leader, he can't meddle more than this. He hopes he can, but honestly that is already too personal.

But his decision to let Sunoo move along with his plan also means that Sunki won't act the same anymore. By the same he means all lovey dovey. Not that he enjoys seeing them like that but by being all clingy to each other also means that they are doing fine. No matter how much he wants both of them to be truly happy, how much he loves them, he tries to remind himself that there will always be boundaries. Line he shouldn't cross. Well at least for now.

***

Jungwon can’t force Sunoo to be clinging to Ni-ki but he needs him to act normal. After all, their whole lives would be monitored by thousands of pairs of eyes. One wrong move or even very little things misplaced, they'll know. They will make a big deal out of it too. Since they can't clarify every single thing, they'll go wild with the assumptions. Those can be very dangerous.

“Hyung!” Jungwon gently nudged Sunoo who is currently watching some drama on his phone, facing the wall by the side of his bed.

Sunoo removed his buds and turned his head, after knowing that's Jungwon, he raised his body a little.

“Jungwonie? what is it?” He sounded tired.

“I know you're still going to avoid Ni-ki and I understand that you need to do that but can't you be more normal?” Jungwon asked softly.

Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows, "I am normal tho?" he sounded genuinely confused, Jungwon almost doubted his observation but he's sure he needed to straighten this before it went too far.

"No you're not like you normally would and I know this is all because you're trying to do that plan of yours" Jungwon uses his stern voice, something he wouldn't normally do to his Sunoo hyung, the one who always listens to him.

"Well the plan wouldn't work if I kept hugging Ni-ki, would I?"

"The plan was stupid in the first place" Jungwon mumbles,

"Hey!" Jungwon raises his hand before Sunoo interrupt him more,

"Just because I think it was stupid, doesn't mean that I will stop you from doing that, since I promised myself not to meddle in this scheme. But, if this affects the group, you know I have the authority to do something about this. So.. if you don't want me to ruin this plan, get your act together."

Jungwon stands, "That's all I want to say, you can continue your drama but don't stay up too late. We have a schedule tomorrow."

Jungwon leaves the room to freshen up before he too goes to sleep. He cut the conversation at that because deep down, he knew. If they continue, he'll break his own promise to not meddle. Excuse him but he's just so frustrated.

***

Even though sometimes Sunoo has some misunderstanding with his leader, he always respects his place as a leader. Despite their age difference, which honestly is not that far but they are in a country where they really highlight seniority, Sunoo always listens well to Jungwon. Sunoo knows that he is the leader for a reason and all he said is always for the sake of them.

So when Jungwon confronts him about his plan to stay away from Ni-ki, he tries his best. He truly did. But just standing so near Ni-ki, within his line of sight, makes him crave him more. He just wants to be selfish and just embrace it. But the thoughts always come back, those thoughts that his selfishness won't only affect him but many other people. So he backs down, always turning his back whenever Ni-ki's on sight.

As someone who lives together, seeing each other almost every hour, it would be impossible for this not to be noticed by the members. Especially the hyungs that are not directly involved but always keeping an eye on their younger ones.

"Did it not bother you?" Jay sits down beside Heeseung in their studio, the older one currently playing around with Jay's beloved guitar.

"The whole thing about Sunoo and Ni-ki?" Heeseung answers without looking up, still focuses on the guitar in his hand.

"Yeah... I legit thought they had it all together after that one time I talked about this with Sunoo, especially since they were really close during some time before suddenly getting apart again"

"Probably something with Sunoo cause he's the one that keeps avoiding Ni-ki" still strumming to Jane, Jay's only daughter, but now he leans back and closes his eyes.

"Sunoo avoided him? I thought they just avoiding each other"

Heeseung opens his eyes, "Nah.. I saw them a few days ago in the kitchen, Ni-ki tried to talk to Sunoo before that boy just quickly turned back to his room after he saw Ni-ki stood up"

"Damn..I didn't know it's this bad" Jay looks down to his hand, he kind of feels bad because he didn't realize this as a hyung

"Jungwon probably knew about it", Heeseung put down Jane and now turned his body facing Jay.

"Of course he is, he's the leader after all"

"If you want clear explanation maybe you should talk to Jungwon instead of me"

Jay rolls his eyes, "Yeah I know that, just want your opinion on this I guess, since you're the oldest"

"If you're insinuating that maybe I should get involved then don't bother. I have no plan on meddling in some affairs that could possibly tear us apart."

Jay raises his eyebrows, "I'm genuinely shock with how nonchalant you are with this whole thing". Jay knows his eldest hyung is not someone who's nosy or likes to get into people's business but he knows that if there's something with his younger brothers then he'll be the first to act. Probably that won't apply here.

Someone suddenly knocks the door then immediately gets in. From the door comes Jungwon. He still has this bad habit of knocking but gives no time for people to react before opens the door. Both Jay and Heeseung flinch from the sound.

"Nice timing, c'mere! sit here" Jay pulls the empty chair and puts them between him and Heeseung before pulling Jungwon to sit.

"Why?? Why do you sound so suspicious?"

"He wants to ask about Sunki" Heeseung said with a really straight face

"Why are you-Hyung! I don't plan to say it like that?!" Jay face-palmed a bit with his hyung approach

Jungwon sigh, "Guess you guys caught it too, but you already know anyway hyung, well at least some part of it"

"Are they no longer dating? Did something happen?" Jay's voice is full of worries.

"They never had a relationship in the first place, Sunoo hyung thinks that if they got together then this world would be doomed"

"So that's why he's avoiding him?"

"yeah.." Jungwon rubs his face, all these complications with Sunki's relationship really stresses him out.

"Do you want me to do anything? I probably can try to communicate with them" Heeseung feels bad seeing his little leader really take this matter seriously, if there's anything he could do to help then he will.

"No hyung, I think for now we should let them do their own thing first. Let's reach out to them only if they ask us”

Chapter Text

Since Jungwon and the hyungs decided to not meddling in the matter, Sunoo going forward with his plan. From trying not to look at Ni-ki's way every time they were in the same room to limiting their skinship to basically not touching at all.

If they were looking a bit suspicious before, now it's full on obvious that Sunoo was avoiding Ni-ki. From Ni-ki being equally petty and just avoid him back, to now he's starting to lose his patience.
His running patience finally manifested itself in early morning when Sunoo, who just finished showering with still flushing cheeks, turn around after seeing Ni-ki in the kitchen. Ni-ki catch up with him, grab him by the wrist to their bedroom.

"what the hell are you doing?" his annoyance shine through his tone. Eyebrows furrowed with how frustrated he is with his hyung.

"hey! watch your language", Sunoo used his scolding tone. Old Ni-ki wouldn't like that tone. This new Ni-ki, the version of Ni-ki that misses his Sunoo hyung so much, is grateful that at least he looks at him.

"I don't care about that now, what is your problem?"

"what do you mean?" Sunoo don't like Ni-ki's accusing tone. He knows he's the one at fault and Ni-ki's completely right, but still he didn't like that.

"stop acting stupid goddammit, just answer me!" Sunoo freezes after hearing Ni-ki, for the first time in his life, cursing and sounding like he really meant it. Sunoo exhales, he walked to the sofa with the younger tailing him. He sat in the far right,

"i will once you calm down, you're acting as if this is a huge a problem!"

Ni-ki sat down, "oh this isn't a big problem? you avoiding me is not a huge problem"

"i'm not avoiding you" Sunoo turn away while he said that. Lying is not something he isn't familiar with, but lying right in front of Ni-ki's face felt so wrong right now.

"you know damn well that you're lying", straight to the point.

"can you stop cursing??"

"from everything i said, that's what you're focusing on?", Ni-ki raises his eyebrow. This hyung, really.

"i don't know what to tell you other than i'm not avoiding you" Sunoo tried to sound as stern as possible. But with how Ni-ki react, he didn't think it worked.

"really? you want me to spell everything for you? cause i can and once i do that, you can't deny it anymore", seeing his hyung not reacting, Ni-ki continues,

"when's the last time you actually talk to me? a real conversation? when's the last time we ever sat side by side? when's the last time we sleep in the same bed?"

"we had a really busy schedule ni-ki" a weak arguments, Sunoo knows that.

"it's not about the schedule and you know it", Ni-ki knows him too much, it scares him.

"if we can communicate to other member just fine, why our communications the only one that stopped?"

Sunoo's energy levels just depleting real fast, he's losing words to say, "we have to.."

"why? that's the only thing i want to know…maybe if i understand your reasoning, it would be better.."

"it's for the group"
"we avoiding each other is for the group? as far as i know, jungwon hyung actually wanted us to clear this before it affects our group?"

"you don't get it why i have to avoid you, jungwon knew so he lets me, but for the meantime, let's stay away from each other"

"for the group?"

"yes, for the group." Sunoo walks away. He knew he'll give up everything he's determined to do if he still decided to talk to Ni-ki.

***

"why is sunoo saying you knew why he's avoiding me and somehow you didn't tell me?"
Ni-ki barged into Jungwon's room, their room actually. The leader was just on his phone, probably conversing with engenes just like he always do.

Jungwon was still on his phone, without looking up, he answered "it's sunoo hyung for you"

"what is it with people focusing on something else whenever i said something?"

Jungwon raises his eyebrows, "because you need to calm down before you talk to other people, none of us here is your enemy"

Ni-ki puffs and sat down on his hyung's bed, "i am calm now, jungwon hyung. can you tell me now?"

"no"
Ni-ki groaned, Jungwon rolled his body so he was facing the wall, still not giving up his phone,

"if i know and i didn't tell you, what do you think is the reason?"

"cause you like him too?"

Jungwon facepalm, he really wants to just keep silent and let it sink to Ni-ki how ridiculous he sounds but he also knows his maknae wouldn't catch that.

"no you dumbass, sunoo hyung wants to keep this a secret"

"but why you can know that and not me?" Ni-ki's whining remind Jungwon how young he actually is. He might be tall and strong but he is a child after all.

"cause if he didn't explain the reason he avoids you, i wouldn't let that slide"

"so you're justifying his reason?"

Jungwon sigh, he turn back facing Ni-ki and scoot a little to make space for him, Ni-ki immediately lay down beside him.

Jungwon said softly, "i'm not saying he's right, but i understand where he's coming from"

Ni-ki closes his eyes to hide his tear but it still evident in the way his voice sounds, "if i said he asked me to stay away from him, you would let that happen?"

"to a certain extent, yes."

"you're siding with him"

"it may seem like that but trust me, this is the only way for me to not meddle"

"meddle, meddle, meddle. that's all you talked about! is that the only thing you care about?"

Jungwon didn't get the chance to answer or react to ni-ki's outburst since ni-ki just immediately gets up and leaves. He ponders to what ni-ki said, "am i wrong to focus on that?"

***

"well, hello there stranger!" Said Jake who was chillin on the beanbag inside his room with Jay. They would probably get rid of that next week since they barely got any room inside that small space but Jay just had to impulsively buying a large beanbag. Although it's such a waste of space-both boys couldn't barely walked without stepping or tripping on that, Jake found it really cozy to just drown in it and just play some games, which he currently do until certain giant duckling barge into his room.

Ni-ki crashed his body on Jake's bed, "we literally ate lunch together yesterday", he then turned his body facing Jake who was still focusing on the game.

"yeaaah but we barely plaay together! you're not fun anymore" Jake puts down his Nintendo and gave Ni-ki all his attention to him. Having all that attention directed to himself made Ni-ki reminded how he misses someone being that attentive to him. Even though he prefer certain someone to give him all that, he still appreciated what Jake gave him for now.

"remind me who's older again"

Jake rolled his eyes, "ah..you and ages again, so what if i act like this?"

at least there's another person who's not bothered with ages thing, Ni-ki thought. He probably forgot that the person also a foreigner.
"i need to talk to you so i need you to be serious"

"oh shit, okay..what's up?" Ni-ki's change of tone made Jake sit up straighter. He usually the one who always play with the maknae, but he also knows when he wanted to being take seriously, just like now.

"i'm sure you already knows there's something going on with me and Sunoo?"

oh..Jake knows where this will be going.

***

As a good hyung, after knowing how Ni-ki's complicated relationship with Sunoo really messing up with his head, Jake tried to get some distance between the two of them. But since they're still members of the same group, they needed to be civil. So Jake create a distance by making Ni-ki as busy as possible with him, which is not a hard thing to do. Both of them have similar taste in everything so Jake is also really enjoying this little project he did.

Since the talks with Jake, Ni-ki felt more at ease. Not because his relationship with Sunoo is getting better, but because at least he can vent all his worries and feelings and Jake would always comfort him. He found the affections he used to received from Sunoo through Jake.

Of course their relationship would never be anything more then platonic. That is something both of them knows since the start. But for unknown eyes, their relationship can mean something else. one of the people who think so is Sunoo.
That left Sunoo really baffled. Why did Ni-ki's relationship with Jake that's getting really close this days just bothers him so much. It irks him whenever Ni-ki choose to do anything with Jake. He got weirdly mad when Ni-ki ask Jake come with him to his favorite restaurant or when he has games he really want to play.

Sunoo knows that if he tell Jungwon about this, Jungwon will be equally frustrated with him. Even he himself is so frustrated. Not only because he didn't like Ni-ki's proximity with Jake, but also because now that frustration somehow manifest a little to his relationship with Jake.

Chapter Text

“If I knew your little fight with Ni-ki would lead to you being weird with Jake hyung too, I should’ve said or done something.”

Said Jungwon after he got inside Sunoo’s room. Jungwon prefer to use the bathroom inside his room since it’s all loaded up with so many products that usually Jungwon came to shower not bringing anything other than his clothes — even then sometimes he don’t even bother to bring, that and he just use Sunoo’s clothes.

If you ask Sunoo, he would not admit he did kind of change his attitude around Jake – to be fair, the difference is so subtle – but since the three of them currently living on the same floor, there has been occasion that made Jungwon raised his eyebrow, meanwhile Jake hyung is still quite clueless he got a bit of attitude from Sunoo.

But everything has been confusing for Sunoo, as always. There’s this itch every time Jake went out of their dorm saying he got something to do with Ni-ki, from shopping to doing some baseball and they even have their ramen date all the time whenever they landed in Ni-ki’s homeland. Everything pisses him off.

“I’m not being weird with Jake hyung” Sunoo doesn't even bother to look at him, eyes still trained to the PC in front of him.

“I thought I made it clear you couldn’t hide anything from me” Jungwon just lay down on Sunoo’s very comfortable bed.

Jungwon is already being lenient to Sunoo. His drama with Ni-ki has been going on for so long – and Jungwon only let it happen because the schedule didn't let them do anything emotionally draining. But all of these must stop now.

“I hate you”

“You hate me for seeing through you”

“I can’t believe I have to keep having this kind of conversation with you”

“Excuse me? I wouldn’t want to keep having this conversation with you” there is no lies in that sentence. Jungwon is TIRED of dealing with this.

“and everyone said you’re the best with feelings with that F in your MBTI”

Sunoo immediately turn his head, “I am the best with feelings, Jungwonie”

“Then why are you so shitty with this?”

Sunoo laughed. But his laugh sounds weird.

“I know what I feel for him, even without you trying to make me realize or whatever, I already know exactly. But isn’t it selfish for me to pursue him? Isn’t it wrong to just say it out loud about my true feelings for him? When it can cost, not only me, but our career? The career each and one of you builds with so much sacrifice?”

“I know everything is wrong and everyone who’s involved with this is being weird, especially me. No matter how hard I tried to not mess things up, I messed up anyway.”

“People keep asking me to be normal or at least act like it, but I tried okay? But it’s so hard won-ah…”

Sunoo's voice gets more faint towards the end of his explanation. He wanted to say more but he can already feel the lump in his throat, his vision getting blurry and he’s doing his best not to cry.

Jungwon did not expect that. He thought he would get other reactions like, probably denial? Or maybe dismissal? He did not expect his hyung to actually be honest with everything he feels, especially to him – since Sunoo usually prefers to talk to Jay hyung about this kind of stuff.

“I’m sorry for not considering that you might feel that way, hyung. I just thought that you just don’t want to admit your feeling for him” Jungwon pat Sunoo’s arm gently,

“Oh you’re not wrong about that too, Jungwon. It feels wrong at first because of that reason. And it actually still feels like that too honestly. Either way, I couldn’t think of even one positive outcome from me with him, hence why it got this far.”

“I mean… the agency didn’t say anything about the dating ban? And, I don’t know, Ni-ki actually looks like he’s a good match with you?”
Sunoo stares at Jungwon, with a still teary eye and raised eyebrow, “I thought the one I’m talking to is Jungwon as the leader of enhypen?”

“Hyuung I’m serious… I am the leader but come on? Are you really serious about not wanting to pursue this? Even I don’t see this as an impossible decision,”

This whole time, Sunoo wallows himself with guilt and is just so engulfed with anxiety that he didn’t even dare to look for a wayout that can benefit his happiness. In his head, any decision that can lead to his happiness is a selfish one. Jungwon helped him in realizing the opposite thing.

“Is that even possible, won? It has been too long, whatever he feels towards me is probably gone by now. I treated him so badly that he now.. That the best we can be now is just friend”

Jungwon straighten his back, “Talk to him”

Sunoo straighten his postures too, waiting for Jungwon next plan,

“We’re leaving for Japan in two days from now, I’ll arrange so he can be your roommate for at least a day, use that to do your best in explaining everything to him, and – God, please – don’t leave that room with new problems. I want problems to be solved and not added, okay?”

Sunoo just give a weak smile and a thumbs up. It’s going to be an exhausting week for him.

Chapter Text

“Someone’s excited for Japan?” Jay glanced at Sunoo who was playing with his fingers on his seat,

“Everyone’s excited for that, hyung”

Jay laughed, “Well yeah… but none of them looks as nervous as you”

Sunoo turned his head towards Jay who was sitting beside him, there were only the two of them in this car “Is it really obvious?”

“No…. but since I’m literally your best hyung, I could spot it from miles away”

“I just have something planned for Japan and I don’t know if I’m ready for that or not”

“If you don’t feel ready then don’t do it, you don’t have to make everything so complicated, you know?”

Sunoo scoffed, “If I stand by that, hyung, then nothing will change”

“If something is meant to change, it will, sooner or later – whether you are ready or not, Sunoo. I don’t think anything I said will help you since I don’t even know the context of this, but you can always come to me if anything goes south.”

“I know, hyung”

Their conversation ends when their manager knocks on the window, signalling them to come out.

***

“Okay I’m gonna make this quick cause we all need to go the venue for the final rehearsal, so for the rooms would be Jungwon and Heeseung, Ni-ki with Jake, Sunoo’s with Sunghoon and Jay will get the room for himself”

Sunoo was about to tap his manager's shoulder when Jungwon caught his hand. He shakes his head and waited until the members walk first,

“I know hyung, I’ll try to make it happen, okay? For now let’s focus on the performance first, I will handle the rest later”

“I owe you so much, Jungwon” Sunoo said with a little pout on his lips

“I know, i call dibs on bestman”

Sunoo can feel his face redden from Jungwon’s request. He didn’t even know if this relationship is salvageable and here’s Jungwon talking about marriage. Oh god…marriage.. Sunoo shakes his head from those thoughts. That can be for later on, he thinks.

***

“Dang Sunoo, I didn’t know you dreaded this bad to be my roommate?”

Sunoo looked tired – just like the rest of them – but his aura is definitely different from his members. Sunghoon tried to joke to lighten his mood, and it worked just a little bit.

“Of course I dreaded to be in the same room with you for approximately 10 hours hyung, you would feel 70% of that with your teasing”

Sunghoon laughs with his mouth open wide, “Well, someone’s gotta do it right?”

“Jay and Heeseung is already your nice hyung, so I can be your hyung that teases you all the time” Sunghoon said with a smug grin

Sunoo rolled his eyes, “Yeah… and Jake hyung would be the hyung that loves me the most since I’m his favorite”

Since Jungwon reprimanded him about his attitude with Jake, Sunoo tried his best to set aside his silly jealousy and be nice with him. In return, Jake has been coddling him as much as he can, and Sunoo thinks he knew that Sunoo would let him for now.

Sunghoon scoffed, “You’re not his favorite”

“Don’t you see him hugging me the whole time?”

“That’s not a valid reason, he hugs everyone”

“Oh yeah? Well he pinch my cheeks and call me cute too”

“Pfftt…. He also do that to every dongsaeng, I’m his favorite, hands down, not debatable”

The way Sunghoon defended that title as if it’s not a joke, hmm strange but Sunoo let it slide for the sake of using the bathroom first.

Once he’s finished with his shower, Sunoo catch up a little with the drama he’s been watching while waiting for sleep to finally arrive. Still with a wide eye, Sunoo saw Sunghoon laying down on his bed too after his shower,

“No but seriously Sunoo, are you okay?”

Sunoo usually didn’t go to Sunghoon when he needed some advice, but since he’s asking anyway, probably won’t hurt anyone if Sunoo told him.

“I’m trying to be roommates with Ni-ki cause I have something that I want to talk about with him”

“Ouhhh…. Makes sense, you’re trying to make up with him?”

“Yeah, hopefully everything will be resolved after this”

“Well, hope that went well for you cause if you made up with him, that would be good for me”

Sunoo furrowed his eyebrow,

“So you make sure you make up with him, okay Sunoo?”

“I’m trying hyuuung”

Sunghoon smiles a little because of Sunoo’s whining, he couldn’t wait until everything is settled.

***

“Good job everyone, you guys have the time for yourself after lunch, just please don’t do anything that can exhaust yourself. We’re going back to Seoul tomorrow’s night, so go ahead and relax for a bit.”

Their manager ended the short brief after their morning schedule and gestured the members to go ahead with their plan that day. Jay and Heeseung already told the members that they were planning to do some window shopping, meanwhile Jake and Sunghoon want to visit some recommended restaurants from their Japanese staff. Ni-ki was about to follow them when Jungwon grabbed his arms.

“What’s going on hyung?” Ni-ki sounded really confused, but he’s not really the type to question his leader too much.

Jungwon took him to his hotel room, but when he opened the door, Sunoo was inside of it.

“Use this room ONLY for talking, okay? Nothing more and hopefully nothing less”

Realization dawned on Ni-ki. Jungwon and Sunoo probably already planned for this, cause he’s the only one that’s surprised.

***

“So you planned this? With Jungwon hyung?”

Ni-ki did not even give Sunoo time to sit back down on the bed. Sunoo sighed and gestured to Ni-ki to sit.

“This is going to be a very long talk Ni-ki, please sit down?”

Sunoo didn’t sound demanding, he just sounded kind of tired and more like begging. So Ni-ki decided to sit too. The room only had one king size bed, with Sunoo sitting on the foot of the bed, and Ni-ki taking a seat on the sofa next to the bed. He longs to sit close to him but he just needed some space, just in case he didn’t like whatever explanation Sunoo has for him.

“I will make a disclaimer first, nothing I said justify my actions, but I know that I owe you this explanation. I’m sorry if this sounds just all over the place because I, too, still trying to figure everything out..”

Ni-ki did not make any sound,

“I have feelings for you, and it’s not something platonic.”

Sunoo saw Ni-ki opening his mouth so he raised his hand to stop him from interrupting.

“At first, I didn't want to admit to myself that I am in love with a boy that used to sleep with me just because he missed his home. I felt dirty thinking I somehow will steal away your innocence by having these romantic feelings for you who is supposed to be my brother. For God sake – even the first advice given to us when we debuted was ‘we are family’...well, family wasn’t supposed to have this kind of relationship right?”

Ni-ki was just stunned. He knew somehow that Sunoo still seeing him as a kid was sort of related with his reluctance in being serious with him, but he didn’t know that the weight is this heavy. Why is his hyung taking advice so literal like that? He is so pretty but sometimes can be an idiot.

“That was stupid I know, I can literally see it written on your face”

Ni-ki let out a snort, of course his idiot knew him too well.

“By the time I realized that, by the time I accept maybe it’s okay if…you know, I want to be with you, I keep feeling that I’m being selfish. What if the members know? Or even worse, Engenes? What if it will ruin the band? This is YOUR dream, to perform, what if it all fell apart because stupid me can not control his feeling and –”

Sunoo is spiraling and Ni-ki can see it. He came towards Sunoo and kneel in front of him. He took one of Sunoo’s hand and he put his right hand to Sunoo’s cheek. That immediately stopped Sunoo from speaking anymore.

“Is it still selfish if I want it too?”

Ni-ki said it so softly, it made Sunoo teared up. He is so stuck up in his own head that he didn’t even consider that.

“I want it so bad…. That all I can think of is just ways to make this work. Maybe that is selfish, but how can I not try to? I just love you so much I’m willing to just gamble everything I have just to be with you”

“That… Is what I don’t want, Ni-ki….I don’t want you to lose this, you worked so hard….”

“And I will work even harder if that means I can be with you. As long as you’re here with me, I’m willing to try, will you?”

Sunoo was still tearing up, can he? Will that be okay?

“I promise, baby….we can be okay, but please be with me?”

Ni-ki was just raw in everything he said. He sat there – letting himself be in his most vulnerable state – begging Sunoo to be selfish together. Ni-ki almost lose his mind until a small smile appear on Sunoo’s face. He nuzzled into his hand.

“It’s going to be hard to fight my own head, but I want to be with you….”

Ni-ki was just so relieved that he immediately dived in for a hug. Giggles echoed throughout the room.

“Now what?”

Chapter Text

When Sunoo was about to enter his room, he saw Jake open the door with a slight giggle.

“Gosh Sunoo, why are you just standing there?”

“To get inside my room, what else?” Sunoo replied slightly shouting because Jake was walking to his room immediately right after saying that, not even waiting for Sunoo's response. Weird.

When he got inside of his room, there’s a big smile plastered on Sunghoon’s face.

“Did you and Jake hyung were playing something?” Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows. Sunghoon just laughed.

“Yeah I guess…So, how’s the talk?”

Sunghoon sat on his bed and put his attention on Sunoo only. Sunoo didn’t know why he is so invested with the outcome of his talk but maybe that’s just him being a caring hyung.

“It went well…” Sunoo couldn’t really hold back a smile now that he remembers their talk. It was emotionally draining for sure, but it also give Sunoo a newfound happiness.

“Ayee….your smiling so wide like that Japanese ghost lady..”

Sunoo smacked Sunghoon with his pillow – with no luck of actually hitting him since Sunoo always miscalculated the distance between the two of them. Sunghoon wouldn’t let any chance to tease Sunoo.

Sunghoon’s grin turned into a soft smile, “You look beyond happy right now”

“Of course I am happy”

Sunoo returned the pillow he used to smack Sunghoon to its place and walked towards the bathroom to clean up.

Sunghoon didn’t probe him for any details. That’s weird because it feels like he knew exactly the context of everything even without Sunoo explaining it.

Sunghoon closes his eyes, “If the talk went super well, why don’t you two spend more time together?”

Sunoo stopped in his track and looked back to Sunghoon with a confused face, “Why do we need to do that if the talk went well?”

Sunghoon opened his eyes and propped his elbows to look at Sunoo in the face,

“I mean..while we here, you two don’t wanna start your honeymoon phase?”

He said it so nonchalantly meanwhile Sunoo can physically feel himself turn into a bright shade of pink. Sunoo suddenly had a moment of realization. The members knew exactly everything.

Laughters is all Sunoo can hear when he runs to the bathroom and immediately closes the door.

***

When Jake gets inside his room, he can see Ni-ki just laying on his bed. Just laying there staring at the ceiling with a dumb smile on his face.

“Ughhh….young love, when I was at your age, I knew better”

Ni-ki is not even responding. He just takes a pillow and closes his face with it. As if Jake hyung can have a say about romance.

“So next dinner is your treat right? I’m getting samgyeopsal for being the best wingman ever.”

Ni-ki removed the pillow and sat down,

“I think that’s still not yet, maybe near in the future but not right now.”

“You haven’t MADE IT OFFICIAL?”

Ni-ki was pretty sure they were about to get a noise complaint with how loud Jake Jake said that, probably Sunoo himself can hear that from his room.

“Can you be more loud, hyung?” Ni-ki whisper shouted to counteract Jake,

“Well I’m sorry for not getting this, I’m like genuinely confused, why aren’t you guys together if you already confessed and Sunoo felt the same?”

To be fair, Ni-ki can literally hear the confusion from his hyung, he’s not faking it or being sarcastic, he’s just confused – and probably a little bit frustrated too.

“I can’t believe how simple you are sometimes, hyung” Ni-ki said while making himself comfortable on his bed.

Jake mirrors his action, already feeling the conversation is not finished yet, “At least this simple guy actually get it together and not cause any drama”

Ni-ki made a shocked face while putting his hand on his heart, “Okay, first ouch, that was rude.” Jake just shrugged from that.

“Second, I literally don’t wanna hear you bragging about your romance stuff. Third – and most important thing I already want to told you before you attack my weakest point – I want to make it official in the most special way. It’s for Sunoo hyung, I don’t want to ask him to be my boyfriend in some random hotel..”

Okay, that actually makes sense. Of course Ni-ki knows what will make Sunoo feel super appreciated. He always has been watching Sunoo from afar.

Jake smiled hearing Ni-ki’s romantic plan. Ni-ki will always look cute in his eyes, even now when he explains his plan to woo his first love – even though Jake felt like he actually didn't need to try that hard.

“What do you think, hyung? Do you feel that's enough for him” There's a slight hesitation in Ni-ki's tone.

Jake laughs, “I don't even think you need any advice from me when you're more knowledgeable about Sunoo than me.But honestly Ni-ki, that already sounds amazing and I know, for sure, things will going well”

Jake's words bring some peace of mind for Ni-ki. He starts to lay down and just stares at the ceilings again, now with some new thoughts.

“Sleep, Ni-ki san, tomorrow will be a long day” and Jake just left him to sleep first.

What long day? We don't even have any schedule tomorrow, Ni-ki thought.

***

So this is what Jake means with “long day”.

They are currently sitting at one table for breakfast. Super weird occasion since usually each just get room service delivered to their rooms.

Another clue, he was immediately put to sit beside Sunoo hyung who just looks tired?

“What is going on?” Ni-ki said with a suspicious tone while looking at his hyungs, when all of a sudden, they were all wearing this annoying grin.

Oh my fucking god, that's why Sunoo already looked tired at 9 in the morning.

“So lovebirds… “ Sunghoon started, Ni-ki can hear Sunoo groan beside him.

“Please do some update guys, me as the oldest would like to know the latest news” Heeseung stepped in, folding his arms, acting as if they were going to discuss national security matters with how serious he acted.

Sunoo looked up to Jungwon, hoping his adorable leader dongsaeng would help him, but Jungwon just raised his arms.

“Sorry hyung, it's actually super entertaining to watch this skit so I will enjoy this for a while” Jungwon ends his sentence with a laugh.

“You're laughing upon my misery, Jungwon” That just brings more laughter from the members.

“C’mon Ni-ki san, just tell them what you told me!” Jake excitedly tried to bait them into telling everything.

“I can't say much other than now Sunoo hyung and I will be better than ever, that's it, I will literally throw a tantrum if anyone still tries to get more info” Ni-ki said, sounding so serious that Sunoo just giggles at him.

More laughter just comes from the members, they really do love just teasing each other at any given moment. Ni-ki doesn't mind to be the centre of that, as long as Sunoo will giggle for him and keep looking at him with those eyes.

***

By the time they finished their breakfast, everyone was having a great time and leaving with lighthearted steps, each excited to do their plan before leaving in the evening.

Ni-ki slowed his step, waiting for Sunoo who was walking a bit slower to chat with Jungwon. Noticing someone was waiting for Sunoo, Jungwon just pushed him to Ni-ki.

“Hahaha…thanks Jungwon hyung” Jungwon just gave an eye roll as a response.

Sunoo smiles, still continue his walking but now with Ni-ki on his side,

“So, how do you feel?” Ni-ki still cannot stop smiling every time he talks to Sunoo.

Sunoo grabbed his hand and just clinging to him, he slightly leaned his head towards Ni-ki's upper arm, he softly said “It feels like today might be the greatest day of this year – no, greatest day of my life!”

Happiness just bursting in Ni-ki's heart.

“Just wait until we got back to Seoul”