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Virgil collapsed to his knees the second he rose into his room. His heart was racing so fast he feared it would break out of his chest and splatter onto the floor. His hands were tugging at his hair. When did he grab his hair? He didn’t remember. But now he was pulling at his hair, trying to get all these thoughts out of his head.
They hate you.
You’re useless.
It’s your fault.
You can’t protect them forever.
Thomas hates you.
They’d be better off without you.
He had to tell him. If it wasn’t him, the fans would’ve brought it to his attention. He had to tell Thomas he was a Dark Side. Because Thomas deserved to know the truth.
That sounds like Virgil. The second he’s got something good, he has to go and ruin it.
His breath hiccupped as he fell to his side, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging them with his arms. He can’t show himself to Thomas again, not after that. He doubts he’d be able to even look at him.
Why did he have to ruin it?
====================
His head pounded as his eyes blinked open. Virgil groaned and brought his hands up to rub at his eyes. He blinked a few times, getting rid of the stars in his vision as he took in his surroundings.
He was on his floor. God, did he fall asleep after a breakdown again?
He winced as he slowly stood up and stretched his arms above his head with a groan. He let them fall to his sides as he bends down to grab his phone that must’ve fallen from his pocket when he was sleeping.
13:46. Damnit. He missed breakfast and lunch. He was surprised Patton hadn’t come knocking on his door already. Who was he kidding? They all probably hated him too for coming clean to Thomas.
No. Stop. Breath.
.
.
.
Virgil rubbed at his stomach as it growled at him. That’s what he gets for skipping two meals in a row.
He sighed as he approached his door but stopped short before he reached the doorknob. Fixing his makeup before going out of his room would be a great idea, now wouldn’t it?
He turned and went to his bathroom, quickly removing the black eyeshadow that had run down his face during his breakdown last night and reapplied it. Before he knew it, he was, once again, facing his bedroom door. Debating whether to actually go downstairs or not.
His stomach quickly settled that decision for him as it growled angrily, begging for sustenance. He took a deep breath as he slowly and silently opened his bedroom door. He paused, listening for the others.
He couldn’t hear Roman, meaning he was either in the Imagination or in the living room, drawing or writing up a script of some sort.
He could hear dishes clanking every few seconds, the faucet running every few seconds as well and some whistling. Patton. Washing the dishes that were used during the making and eating of lunch.
Logan was tricky. If he didn’t want to be heard, you wouldn't notice him until he was right in front of you. But, Virgil knew today was supposed to be Logan’s “rest day”. Knowing him, he was probably also in the living room, typing on his laptop or writing in his notebook, pretending like he’s not actually working.
So, either two or them are downstairs, or all three of them are. Okay. Okay that’s fine, he can do this.
4..
7..
8..
Okay. Okay. He got this.
He took careful steps. Paying attention to not make the stairs creak as he went down them. He paused at the bottom, both Roman and Logan were in the living room. Roman was on the sofa, his back facing Virgil. Logan was sitting in his usual chair, facing almost the same direction as Roman, neither could see him. Good.
He carefully made his way to the kitchen. Patton’s back was facing him as the moral side was slightly bent down, carefully rinsing the dishes. Wasn’t it Virgil’s turn to help with them?
Fuck. It was.
Virgil suppressed a sigh as he walked over to the kitchen, picking up the dish rag that was lying on the kitchen table on his way. He picked up the plate as Patton was about to put it down on the counter.
He jumped, “Oh! Kiddo, you scared me. I didn’t even hear you come down the stairs,” he smiled at Virgil.
“Sorry about that, Pop-star,” Virgil winced at how raspy his voice was and quickly cleared his throat.
Patton’s gaze quickly turned to concern, “Are you sick, kiddo? That sounded like something nasty.”
“Nah, don’t worry,” Virgil shook his head as he dried the plate, “Just slept weird.”
“Oh, you must be starving!” Patton exclaimed, dropping the sponge into the sink and going to the fridge before opening it, “I saved your part of breakfast and lunch, just in case.” He took both plates out and set them on the counter beside the fridge before nudging the door shut. Breakfast looked to have been blueberries pancakes and lunch had been what looked like tomato soup with abc pasta in it.
“You can choose whichever one you want and eat the other later,” Patton winked at him before grabbing the dish towel from his hands, “Logan can help with the dishes, today.”
“But it was his turn yesterday?”
“It is not a problem, Virgil,” Logan’s voice echoed behind him, “I’d rather help so that you can eat.”
“You all are not listening to Thomas. What he’s saying is worth noting.”
“But what if he’s lying?”
“I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just paran-”
“-il? Virgil!”
He jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder, turning his head to look at a concerned Patton, “Mh?”
“You sure you’re alright, kiddo?”
Virgil swallowed, “Yeah. Yeah just iffy,” He gave Patton a tight smile. “And thanks, Logan.”
Without turning to look at the logic side, he grabbed the plate with two blueberry pancakes and quickly made his way to the kitchen table.
Virgil was so focused on keeping his eyes on his plate that he didn’t notice the concerned looks Patton and Logan were exchanging. Nor did he notice the number of times Roman looked over, almost like he wanted to join him, but decided against it every time.
He managed to finish a pancake and a half before his stomach began turning inside of him. He stood up, muttering a quick thanks to Patton and promptly sank out into his room.
“Hey emo!”
The anxious side let out a yelp as he jumped and turned to the source of the noise, “Remus? What the fuck?” He breathed heavily, a hand on his chest.
Remus was hanging upside down from the ceiling, his face was inches away from Virgil’s when he initially turned around, polishing his morning star. He grinned wildly,
“Just wanted to stop by and see how my little emo was doing.”
“I’m doing just fine, and stop calling your little emo, would you?” Virgil circled around Remus to get to his bed and sat on the edge of it.
“Nope! And,” Remus dropped from the ceiling, “Our good-old double Dee has been getting vibes ”, he wiggled his eyebrows, “from you. So, what is it?”
Virgil glared at him, “Don’t say vibes like that. And, it’s none of your business.”
“Oh, come on!” Remus groaned and dropped on the ground in front of Virgil’s bed, “You’re such a bad liar.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Can you just-” Virgil groaned, burying his face in his hands, “Leave, Remus. Before I fucking get Roman to drag you out.”
“Nah. Snakey is boring today, he’s all moppy and down in the dumps,” Remus looked at Virgil, “You should go see him!” He grinned.
“Nope,” Remus’s grin dropped, “I don’t… Want that.” He shook his head, “Just go, Remus.”
Virgil heard a pop, the tell-tale sound of Remus popping out of his room before someone knocked on his door. He groaned silently as he got up and opened it.
“Have you not seen Remus?”
Janus. Virgil’s ex-best friend . The one who helped Virgil through countless panic attacks, breakdowns and bad days. The only one who could read through him in an instant. And still, Janus never noticed the love Virgil held for him. If he did, he never mentioned it. He remembered the movie nights they held for the dark sides. Janus jumping and hiding against Virgil’s arm when they’d watch horror movies. Falling asleep on each other’s shoulders.
“Oh please, do zone out instead of answering me. I totally don’t have other things to do.”
Virgil fixed him with a glare, “He just left. Why did he check here first?”
“He told me he’d come bother you, thirty minutes ago,” Janus made a show of “looking” at his nails through his gloves.
“Thirty minut-” Virgil groaned, lightly banging his head twice on the side of the door, “He was alone in here for twenty minutes.”
Janus frowned, almost looking concerned, “ Do keep hitting your head, would you?”
The anxious side sighed and rested his head on the door as Janus spoke again, “I’ll go not make sure he doesn’t get murdered by Wrath. Have an awful day, Virgil.”
Virgil nodded as he closed his door. He numbly made his way to his bed and let himself flop onto it.
Why did seeing them kind of help? Why did he have to miss them?
No.
No. He does not miss them.
He didn’t choose to leave, but he was happy with the Light Sides.
Right?