Chapter Text
December 11, 2014
2:45 pm
A small house for two, with a small patch of flowers decorating the edge of foundation. He had seen the setting a thousand times before. Arin’s roommate had been responsible for the flowers, wanting to bring a nice feminine touch to their home which was constantly invaded in by the almost entirely male Grump crew. Arin didn’t broadcast it, but he actually really liked the flowers, and even had a little patch of the garden to himself, which he proudly labeled “The Chrysanthemans”, despite there not being any chrysanthemums in the patch of flowers anyway.
He had seen the setting a thousand times before. A small house for two, with a small patch of dirt decorating the edge of foundation. Dan felt like he was going to puke. Nothing. There was nothing there but dirt. Suzy’s car was in the driveway, while Arin’s was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was on his way to the office.
Hopefully.
Suzy would be able to sort this out. She always knew when Dan had obviously had enough, always knew when the joke wasn’t funny anymore.
Then why was walking up to the door so goddamn hard?
He clenched his fists and shut his eyes. If this was a nightmare than he wanted to wake up. So far, there was no reason for him to believe he was right. Brian was in the office, and acted as if that wasn’t out of the ordinary. No one admitted to it all being a joke; no one claimed to know who Arin was. Arin’s flowers, which he was so proud of growing, were completely gone, as if they had never existed. But he wanted to be right. He would do anything to be right.
He knocked on the door, then rang the bell, afraid they wouldn’t be able to hear him. He paced on the porch, trying to calm himself. But he could feel the beat of his heart pacing throughout his entire body, and he knew he wouldn’t be calm until he saw Arin’s face again.
“Who is it?” he heard her call from the front room. It was Suzy.
“It’s me Suzy, open up!” There was a whine in his voice, that was admittedly embarrassing, but this was also urgent.
There was a slight hesitation, but Dan watched as Suzy slowly opened the door halfway, glancing up at the tall man.
“Can I help you?” There was a nervousness in her voice, and in the way she looked at him.
Dan let a deep sigh, picking at his hands. “Hey, Suze. Is Arin around?”
She lowered her eyebrows, her eyes squinting at the question. “Excuse me?”
“Please, Suzy, don’t play this game anymore. “Where the fuck is Arin?”
The woman gripped her hand on the side of the doorframe. “I think you need to leave.”
“I’m not leaving until I know where he is!”
“Leave! Now!” There was fear in her voice, but her tone was direct and clear. “I will call the police if you don’t.”
Dan stepped back. He had never seen his friend this mad before. Sure, he had seen her frustrated and nervous before, but this was different. This was a sense of hatred. “Scuze…”
“Listen!” she yelled. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you do not know me. I don’t care what you think. What, did we meet in a grocery store? Did you see me on a modeling site or something? That doesn’t give you the right to come to me house… to fucking stalk me!”
“But… but Suzy. Arin…”
“Who the fuck is Arin? You know what, I don’t care who that is either! Go away, now!”
Realization was starting to kick in. Suzy didn’t know who Arin was. The worst part was, she didn’t even know who Danny was. The two had been friends for years, but overnight their relationship just didn’t exist anymore. Arin doesn’t live here anymore. No–
He never lived here.
In a matter of house, Dan’s life was falling apart. There was no sign of Arin even existing, Suzy didn’t know him. His grasp on reality was crumbling around him. How could he trust anything he knew to be even real anymore?
He stepped back from the door. There was obviously a lot of anger, but looking into her eyes he could also read fear. Danny knew Suzy, or at least thought he did, better than most people, and she wouldn’t react like this for no reason. If Arin didn’t exist, which was a possibility Dan couldn’t ignore at this point, than he never would have been introduced to Suzy. No wonder she was yelling at him to get off her doorstep. To her. he was just a strange man who claimed to know her, asking questions she didn’t understand.
He tried looking her in the eyes, but found it too painful. He studied her one sock covered foot that was sticking out the door, holding back tears full of confusion and sadness.
He tried to open his mouth to speak, but his words caught in his throat. Nothing he could say could convince her to try to remember him. Nothing he could say could make this nightmare go away. No matter what, he was in the wrong.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. His voice was weak. He couldn’t even look up at her. “I’ll leave now.”
He turned his back and began walking down the steps. He wished she would say something. Anything to make this go away.
Its all fake!
Silence.
It was a joke!
Silence.
You’re not crazy!
Nothing. This wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a joke, and Dan believed he might actually be… insane. He found himself living in a world with familiar faces but distinctly different memories. Slight differences that were changing his whole life.
He walked down the sidewalk, never looking back. Pulling out his phone he saw that he had seven unread messages. He decided he might as well read them. He was in the wrong afterall.
[ 1:22 am ; sent from: Brian ]
Come back to the office
[ 1:26 am ; sent from Barry ]
Please Dan, I’m sorry.
[ 1:27 am ; sent from Barry ]
Stay safe.
[ 1:54 am ; sent from Brian ]
Don’t do anything stupid
[ 2:13 pm ; sent from Barry ]
Come home please.
[ 2:18 pm ; sent from Brian ]
Answer your phone, now.
[ 2:22 pm ; sent from Ross ]
I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED OUT ON YOU FIGHTING BARRY!!!!
Danny thought back to being in the office. It had been so different, like he was in a whole other world. Brian was there. In fact, Brian was acting like he was always there instead of living over in London. Dan felt like he needed to analyze everything he knew for sure, since so many things in his life were very uncertain right now.
Arin does not exist in this world. Of that, he was almost positive, despite the fact that the thought hurt him deeply. Therefore, Game Grumps did not exist. But the grump office still existed. There aren’t any games in the office, but there is a shit-ton of recording equipment.
Oh shit. Dan nearly stopped in his tracks. It’s not the Grump Space anymore. It’s for Ninja Sex Party.
He reread the texts. They were worried about him. Well, Barry and Brian were anyway. Ross’s text was just Ross being Ross. Plus, it was wrong. Danny hardly fought with Barry, if anything he fought with Brian. Why would Ross think that…
Oh shit. Again. Dan had pushed Barry off of him when he left. Brian was likely mad at Dan and confused as to why he was acting so frantic, but Barry was more than likely actually upset. Brian’s texts were just firmly telling Dan to come home, but Barry’s were more apologetic. Almost like he blamed himself for Danny being a total jerk.
He needed to apologize.
Despite knowing that deep down he felt right, Dan couldn't help but feel guilty. In his gut, Danny knew that this world was wrong, not him. Dan didn’t think he could just make up memories of a person that didn’t exist, but he also knew that logically it would make more sense for him to have gained false memories of Arin than for everyone else to have completely forgotten about him. Dan didn’t want to accept that, though. A life without Arin wouldn’t make sense.
Even though all of that was true, Dan had to admit that he hurt the others with his outbursts. Just like he had accidently scared Suzy, he had scared them too. They were scared for him, and he had to convince them that he was actually alright.
He wasn’t actually alright, but that was besides the point.
He looked around and sighed. Arin’s house was already far from the office, and his apartment was twice as far in the opposite direction.
He thought of calling Barry. He’s who Dan would call in need of a ride, but he wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. He didn’t know how to apologize, nor how to make up an excuse for why he was acting so crazy.
He could call Brian. But that would be even weirder. He hadn’t seen the man in months. Danny couldn’t believe he was even here. Calling him for a ride would just stress him out and force him in front of a person that proved that this world was very different from his own.
He scrolled in his contacts until he reached Ross.
[ 3:14 ; sent from Danny ]
Hey man can I get a ride?
The response was almost immediate.
[ 3:15 ; sent from Ross ]
Yes! Where the fuck are you?
[ 3:16 ; unsent from Danny ]
I’m down the street from Suzy’s.
He almost sent the message, but stopped himself. Ross wouldn’t know Suzy either.
[ 3:18 ; sent from Danny ]
I’m on the corner of the Pizza Hut.
[ 3:19 ; sent from Ross ]
The good one or the bad one?
[ 3:20 ; sent from Danny ]
The really shitty one.
[ 3:21 ; sent from Ross ]
Okay. Stay there.
Dan sat down on the curb, and counted the few cars that occasionally drove past. It seemed that no one was out today; that the whole world had stopped. Before long a car pulled around the corner into the Pizza Hut parking lot, and Ross opened his car door.
“Dude, where the hell have you been?”
Danny stood up, looking past him to make sure no one else was in the car. He wasn’t sure he could face the others right now. Ross wasn’t there to see what the others could only have viewed as a full-on breakdown. Though they probably did tell him a lot of what happened.
Ross looked into Danny’s eyes. He waited for the taller man to look back at him, waited for him to be pulled back into reality. “I’m gonna drive you home.”
Danny nodded and walked toward the passenger door. The air was dead as they both sat in the car. But Ross just put the car into drive and pulled his way out of the parking lot.
“You walked all the way here?” Ross asked. He noticed the great distance as soon as Danny told him where he was, but he was more focused on getting there before Danny stormed off again.
“Yeah well, I have long legs,” he said, patting his knee.
Ross ran a hand through his hair and didn’t say anything in reply. He sighed as the stopped at a red light, despite there being no cars coming from the other direction. “You really had everyone worried. We didn’t know where you were, and with the way you… the way you left really scared the guys.”
Danny looked the other way. Ross never talked down to him. He had never been the one to make a decision that made someone like Ross feel like they had to say something. It’s been years since a friend has told him that he should be acting like an adult. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t tell that to me,” he said gripping the steering wheel. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to, all right?”
“You don’t think I know that?”
“Jesus, dude,” he chuckled, “What are you on?”
Ross’s demeanor always made everything he said sound like a joke, especially his anger. Danny waited for another laugh, but when it didn’t come he realized it was a serious question.
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Are you seriously trying to tell me that sober-Danny would yell at his friends, shove one of his best friends, and storm off without answering his phone for four hours?”
“...Ross, I haven’t partied in years, you know that.”
He sighed again. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
Danny hated this. He hadn’t lied once. He wasn’t wrong once, did nothing that should make anyone disappointed in him, but no matter what the truth isn’t what he wanted to believe. The truth is what the majority believes. And because of that there was nothing he could say to make himself right.
“I… I won’t do it again.”
Ross nodded, confirming his own beliefs. “We’ll be here for you. All of us. Just tell us what’s going on with you man.”
When Ross pulled into Danny’s apartment, Danny took his time getting out of the car.
“Just tell them what’s going on. Do you want me to come in with you, man?”
Danny scrunched his face and nodded his head. “No.”
“Just call me if you need, dude. We’ll hang out soon. I have a convention I gotta go to soon, so I’m working a lot, but I’ll leave my phone on just for you.”
“Okay, thanks,” he said, knowing he wasn’t going to bother taking up the offer.
This story was going to work. It sucked, but it worked. He hated how quickly Ross jumped on it, how much his friends didn’t believe his version of the truth over the idea that he was on drugs again. He didn’t even have to tell Ross what he was on. He just heard drugs and linked that to being aggressive.
He hated that he knew it was going to work on the others too.
“Hey Bri,” he said opening the door, seeing he was the only one in the living room.
Brian stood up. “Where’d you go?”
“...I just had to cool my head. Ross dropped me off.”
The older man nodded.
“I’m sorry, Brian.”
“Me too.”
Danny looked down to the ground. “I’ve started using again.” Even though it was a lie, he didn’t want to know what Brian’s face looked like. Danny was nothing but a poor kid washing away his insecurities and worries with you name it, depressants, stimulants, hallucinogens; anything that took him away from the world when he met Brian. He was the man who held his hand through everything when he quit, and he didn’t want to disappoint him like he did back then.
Brian walked closer to him, and before he realized what the other was doing, he was reaching his hand into Danny’s jacket pockets. He pulled out his phone, throwing it to the couch, and continued digging. Finding nothing, he stepped back and looked up at Danny. “Where is it?”
Danny held his breath and shook his head. “I don’t…”
“Dan, is it in your pants? Your shoes? Do I need to go through your room?”
“I don’t have anything!”
Brian took a step back. “Really? We’re gonna fucking do this again.”
“...No. I don’t do it here. I go to my friends house. I only do it over there.”
“Are you high right now?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? So you didn’t go to your dealer’s after you left?”
He sighed. He hated how easy lying has become. He hated how in the eyes of his friends he was suddenly a little kid again. “I’ll stop.”
He walks past Brian, pushing his hair out of his face. “I’m taking a nap. I’ll talk to Barry later.” He walks into his room, and closes the door behind him. The tears start falling again. His best friend is gone and his other friends don’t respect him anymore. Not bothering to even turn on the light, he lays down in his bed.
His best friend doesn’t exist. And right now, he doesn’t want to either.
He doesn’t wake up until 11 that night, and it seems like Barry is asleep in his room. He walks out to the living room, grabbing his phone which was placed on the coffee table by the couch. He takes it and head backs to his room.
He types ‘Arin Hanson’ into google. He hits his head against the headboard.
No search results.