Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They got Leo back. Mikey opened a portal and they got Leo back. He’s okay. He’s safe.

That’s what the turtles continued to remind themselves as they walked.

The blue-masked turtle was currently laying on Raph’s back, unconscious. Which is only to be expected after getting the shit beaten out of him by the Krang.

Mikey was walking in between his two conscious brothers. Although, what he was doing would be better described as swaying, not walking. This is also to be expected since he used a lot of his energy to open a portal to a different dimension. Even with the help of Raph and Donnie, it had been a lot on the youngest brother.

Donnie glanced at the box turtle, and when he looked up, he saw that Raph was too. He had a worried crease on his forehead. Too bad Leo wasn’t awake to see it.

“Hey, big man,” Raph said gently, nudging Mikey’s shoulder lightly. “You okay?”

Mikey looked a bit dazed at the question, then shook his head and smiled too brightly. “Yeah, yup, uh-huh! I’m great! How’s Leo? Is he still okay?”

The purple and red turtles shared a look.

“Mikey, it’s okay if you’re tired–” Raph started.

“Tired? Who said I was tired? I’m fine!”

“You opened a portal to a different dimension,” Donnie said. “I’d be surprised if you weren't tired.”

“Well, then consider yourself surprised because I am A-okay!” He absentmindedly scratched at his arm.

Donnie stepped in front of Mikey and stopped walking, grabbing Mikey’s arm as he moved. Raph stopped too.

“Are your arms still hurting?” Donnie asked.

“Still?” Mikey questions, drowsily. “Whaddya mean still?”

“Stop trying to hide it, Mikey,” Raph huffed. “We both know that you were in pain when you were opening that portal.”

“Raph’s right. When we touched you, the pain spread to us.”

“Oh,” Mikey stared at the ground, “sorry.”

Raph and Donnie looked at each other, both trying to think of the right thing to say. It was hard trying to comfort a brother who’s selfless and only thinks of others. Trying to convince him that he was just as important as them was like trying to paint a wall with a toothpick.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Angelo,” Donnie assured. “If it helps you feel any better, you probably felt more pain than we did.”

Raph glared. Donnie gave him a “what do you want from me?” face. Raph should know by now that he isn’t the best when talking about emotions and feelings.

Mikey interrupted their silent argument. “You guys shouldn't have had to feel any pain. I should’ve been strong enough to open that by myself.” He was glaring at his hands.

Donnie grabbed him by the shoulders and made Mikey look at him. The genius spoke slowly and firmly, making sure all of his words sank into his tired brother’s brain.“You are only fifteen years old. You should not have to be strong enough to do anything close to opening interdimensional portals at your age. It is okay that you are feeling the after-effects of such a feat right now. You do not need to push your body so much. You have nothing to prove to us. We know that you are a badass, so just admit that you are tired so I can carry you home.”

“Language,” Raph hissed quietly.

Mikey giggled. “I thought you didn’t like physical contact or what-not,” he said with a yawn.

“Anything for you, Micheal,” Donnie said with a soft smile. He turned around and bent his legs to make it easier for Mikey to jump on his back. He used the Battle Shell’s arms to further assist his half-asleep brother into a comfortable position. Mikey laid his arms over Donnie’s shoulders. The mechanical arms held him against the Battle Shell, so Donnie could still have his arms at his sides.

“Thanks, Dee,” Mikey said, nuzzling against Donnie's face before resting his head on the Battle Shell.

“When you wake up, we’re gonna have a long talk about your overly-selfless-self,” Raph said.

The only reply he got was quiet snores.

“I swear to Pizza Supreme, this kid,” Raph sighed and shook his head.

Donnie chuckled. “You know how he is.”

“Too selfless to know when he’s tired?”

“Correct.”

“And this one,” Raph nodded toward Leo, “is too selfless to know when to stop.”

“What are we going to do with them?” Donnie smiled sadly, then frowned. “We could’ve lost them both today.”

“But we didn’t,” Raph said firmly, keeping his eyes forward. “And we won’t. We’ll always be there for them. And they’ll be there for us. No matter what. That’s what family does.”

“Cheesy,” Leo mumbled groggily.

“Are you kidding me?” Raph said, vexed. “I’m trying to be sentimental here!”

“You’re too cheesy,” Leo slurred. “Dad likes cheese… good night.”

“I– You– What even–” Raph stuttered as the slider promptly went back to sleep.

Donnie covered his mouth to stop his laughter. “Did he really just regain consciousness only to tell you how cheesy you are?”

“Of course he did.” Raph shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. “That’s Leo for ya. Annoying even when barely awake.”

Mikey giggled.

“And there’s our other brother,” he added, “a goofball, even in his sleep.”

When Donnie didn’t acknowledge his words, Raph glanced at him. His purple brother was lightly rubbing circles on Mikey’s arm while frowning.

“What’s wrong, Donnie?”

“Sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about how reckless Mikey is sometimes,” he explained. “What if next time this happens, we aren't there for him? What do you think will happen? Do you think he’ll realize that he should worry about himself too? Because I don’t!” Donnie began to ramble, but Raph didn’t want to interrupt his brother. “This dumb-dumb doesn’t know what it means to worry about himself! He’s too busy trying to help everyone else that he forgets about himself. What if he’s in a life-or-death situation and he has no backup? He wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing himself if it meant someone else would survive! What if he has to make a portal again and no one is there to help him? What if he’s all alone and he cracks again? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM, RAPH?!” Donnie’s voice cracked and he was breathing heavily.

Raph was taken aback by his brother’s emotional outburst. His brother, who was supposed to be the brain of the group; the one who could think things through in an instant. It hurt him to see Donnie so confused and lost.

“Donnie,” he started softly, “Mikey is strong. You know that, I know that. Everyone knows. It’s clear to see. I mean, he threw a whole building at the Krang! I’m not saying that he can push through everything, but I am saying that he’s resilient. Out of all of us, he’s always the one to bounce back first.”

“I know… but he thinks that he can take on anything,” Donnie said. “You didn't see how he started acting after he found out that he has really strong mystic powers. Every time we were in trouble, he held his hands up, claiming that he could save us with his mystic powers. You saw the first time that it actually worked. It almost tore him apart!” He swallowed thickly. “Raph, what if he had tried that when only I was with him? I wouldn't have been strong enough to save him.”

Raph shifted Leo so he could move his hand to rest on his purple brother’s shoulder. “Donnie, you are stronger than your brain lets you think. I know that if I wasn’t there, you would’ve been able to help Mikey just fine. You understand that, don’t you?”

Donnie moved his gaze to the ground. “I know that I’m strong enough to do a multitude of things, but… I just don’t know if I have enough mystic power to save him by myself.”

“Well, then, it’s a good thing that you weren’t alone,” Raph replied. He had a soft smile on his face when Donnie looked up at him. The soft-shelled turtle couldn’t help but give a small smile in return. “And,” Raph added, “when we get home, we are most definitely having a long talk about being too selfless.”

Donnie chuckled. “I’ll make a slideshow with pictures so they’ll be able to pay attention,” he joked. “Also, you’re one to talk. You literally got your shell broken protecting Leo.”

“Well, you got your Battle Shell broken protecting Mikey.”

“Scoff! How dare you use my own logic against me.”

“I think we all need to talk about how much we’re allowed to sacrifice during a fight,” Raph sighed.

Donnie nodded in agreement.

Mikey mumbled something incoherent in his sleep, and Leo snored.

The red and purple turtles smiled fondly at their brothers. They walked the rest of the way to their home in a comfortable silence that was only broken by the sleeping turtles' snores or murmurs.

Chapter Text

“This is so not fair,” Leo complained. “Why do we have to be lectured? It’s not like they didn’t sacrifice themselves also!”

Mikey patted his brother’s shoulder and smiled warmly. “Just let them have this, Leo.”

The blue and orange brothers were told to sit in Mikey’s room since he had a large open wall (perfect for showing slideshows). Leo was sitting with his legs crossed and his arms folded in front of him with annoyance. Mikey had his legs folded against his plastron and was using his feet to rock back and forth while he waited for his other brothers to join them.

It had been a few weeks since the final battle. Most of the time was spent with Raph and Donnie making sure their brothers were comfortable as they healed and regained their strength. Lucky for them, their Ninpō helped them heal faster than should be possible.

“Whatever,” Leo groaned. “Just as long as we make sure they listen to their own words too. They can’t go sacrificing themselves for us either!”

“Nardo, you are such a hypocrite.” Donnie walked into the room with Raph following close behind. The larger turtle was carefully carrying a projector.

“Ha! Jokes on you, Ding-Don,” Leo said, “I don’t know what that word means!”

“Wouldn’t the joke still be on you?” Mikey asked.

Leo held a finger in front of his younger brother’s face and leaned closer. He whispered, “Shhh, Mikey. Don’t help him! You’re supposed to be my hype man!”

“Right, sorry,” Mikey whispered back. “You’re awesome, Leo!”

The slider put a hand to his chest. “I know.”

“Groan,” Donnie said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t encourage him, Angelo.”

“Sorry, Dee,” Mikey said cheerfully. “Bros before–”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Raph interrupted. “Where did you hear that saying?!”

“Leo told it to me. Why?”

“Leo,” Raph growled, slowly turning to his brother.

The blue turtle yelped and started flapping his arms around. “Wait, wait, wait! Let him finish the sentence! It’s not bad, I swear!”

“Go on, Mikey,” Donnie said, eager to see how this played out.

Raph opened his mouth, but Mikey spoke first.

“Bros before those… who are rude or mean.”

“Oh, okay,” Raph said, sagging with relief. “That’s fine.”

“Meh.” Donnie shrugged. “A bit boring if you ask me, and it didn’t even rhyme well.”

Leo gave Mikey a wink. A wink that meant, Thanks for not saying the actual saying in front of Raph!

“Anyway…” Raph said. He set the projector down and positioned it so that it was pointing at the blank wall in front of them.

“Slideshow time!” Donnie cheered.

Leo and Mikey groaned.

“With pictures!”

“Oooh!”

“Told you,” Donnie whispered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Raph said. “I get it. They’re children.”

“And I dumbed it down for them. Just to make sure the words stick in their heads and they understand it.”

“We can hear you, y’know,” Leo called, but his eyes didn’t leave the wall, waiting for the pictures.

“That projector looks familiar,” Mikey said, narrowing his eyes.

“It’s the one you used as Dr. Feelings,” Donnie explained.

“Dr. Feelings?” Leo started. “I thought you were–”

“Don’t ask,” his twin warned. “Raph, the lights, please.”

The room became dark and Donnie turned the projector on.

The first screen had a large picture of Donnie and Raph – they were both wearing sunglasses and standing back-to-back, arms crossed – with the words: Reasons Why We Aren’t Going To Sacrifice Ourselves Anymore!! There was some smaller text at the bottom that read A knowledgeable presentation made by Donatello with assistance from Raphael.

Leo and Mikey snickered at the image.

“Pay attention, you two!” Raph ordered.

Leo held his hands up in mock surrender. “Apologies, but you guys look like idiots in that picture.”

“What are you talking about?” Raph said. “We look cool!”

“I don’t know if I would call it that…” Leo trailed off.

Mikey had to hold a hand over his mouth to contain his laughter. 

“Would you two just watch the screen!” Donnie steamed.

“Sorry, sorry,” Leo said, waving his hand nonchalantly. “C’mon, Mike. Let’s watch this lovely picture show.”

“Can’t wait,” Mikey commented with a smirk.

“I am going to strangle them,” Donnie hissed through gritted teeth, loud enough for only Raph to hear.

“Calm down, Donnie.” Raph chuckled nervously. “Let’s just continue with the slide show.”

Donnie huffed but pressed a button and the screen changed to a different page that was multiple shades of blue. It had large letters spelling out Don’t trap your dumb-dumb self in a different dimension without telling your brothers your dumb-dumb plan *cough cough* Leo. Then in parenthesis next to it: P.S. You are grounded until I say so. Kisses, your beloved twin brother, Donatello! There was a poorly edited photo of Leo in a jail cell with Raph’s name next to it; his way of signing his masterpiece.

“Wha– Donnie! Not fair!” Leo cried. “Why do I have to be grounded?”

“Yeah, why?” Mikey added, continuing to be the best hype man.

“Mikey should get grounded, too!”

“Yeah– wait, what?! I saved you!”

“Ladies! Ladies, please,” Donnie interrupted. “Don’t worry, there’s a slide for each of us.” He hit another button.

The screen was colored in different shades of orange. More large printed words. Don’t try to save everyone on your own. You have brothers for a reason. So don’t think everything is on your shoulders *cough cough* Mikey. This screen also had its own set of parentheses. P.S. You are grounded until Raph says so. And no more using your mystic hands. Kisses, your beloved older brother, Donatello! Now it was Mikey’s turn to be poorly edited behind bars. Raph’s signature was present again.

“What?” Mikey screeched. “Grounded and no mystic hands?!”

“You’re lucky,” Leo grumbled. “Raph is the one who can tell you when your grounding is over. You give him one look with the ‘sad eyes,’ and he’ll let you off the hook.”

“Not this time,” Raph said, arms crossed. “Don and I are going to be watching you two like hawks until we think it’s okay for you to go back out.”

“We can’t even go visit April?” Mikey asked, looking at Raph with his signature puppy eyes.

“Well– uh– I mean–” Raph stuttered, unable to look away from his youngest brother’s pleading face.

Donnie shoved Raph out of the way. “No,” he said firmly. “She can come here, but you can’t go topside to see her.”

Mikey deflated. “Lame.”

“Don’t worry,” Raph said. “We can have game nights and movie nights and–”

“Boring!” Leo interrupted, stretching the word out.

“Would you rather watch the science channel on Papa’s television?” Donnie bent over and pointed a finger at his brothers’ faces.

Leo and Mikey cringed and looked at each other.

“No!”

“Definitely not!”

Donnie straightened himself and said, “That’s what I thought.”

“Hey, didn’t you say that you two also had slides?” Leo asked, narrowing his eyes accusingly.

“Yep,” Raph replied. “Mine’s next.”

Donnie hit the button and the new slide had a bunch of different shades of red with the words: Don’t step in front of a spike attack.

“And… on to mine,” Donnie said, hitting the button once more.

This screen was purple and said: Don’t stick your hands in slimy tentacle-looking things even if it means becoming a spaceship.

“And that concludes our presentation,” Donnie said as he hit the button. The screen was now plain white with text that read: THE END.

“What?!” Mikey blurted, jumping to his feet and spinning around to face Raph and Donnie.

“That’s all you two get?” Leo complained as he stood up as well.

“Of course,” Donnie replied. “We weren’t as reckless as you two.”

“Maybe not at the end of the battle,” Leo said, “but Raph literally jumped in front of an attack that could’ve killed him. And then he got possessed!”

“I wouldn’t call it poss–”

“And Donnie was protecting me a bunch through all of the fights!” Mikey exclaimed. “His Battle Shell even got broken! And then, when we got punched by the Krang, you stood in front of me and took the brunt of it!”

“I had a mystic shield,” Donnie defended.

“Yeah, and a lot of good that did you,” Raph snarked.

“Hey! Whose side are you on?”

“Well, you still got blown off a roof!” Raph shouted.

“If I wasn’t there, Mikey would’ve been hurt a lot worse!”

“Wait,” Leo interjected. “Mikey got hurt?” He looked over to his youngest brother. “How hurt?”

“Just a slight concussion,” Mikey said quietly.

“And after that, he nearly made himself evaporate saving you,” Donnie added.

“Dee!” Mikey whined in betrayal. They hadn’t told Leo all the details of his rescue yet – they didn’t want to make him stressed while he was healing.

Leo grabbed Mikey by the shoulders. “You nearly what?!”

“I had to save you!”

“Not by killing yourself in the process!”

“I HAD TO DO SOMETHING!” Mikey yelled, grabbing all of his brothers’ attention. Leo let go of his shoulders and took a step back. “You all did so much the whole time! I was just in the way; something to be protected. But, when Casey said that I had powers– strong powers! I thought that I could do something! But I failed. Over and over and over. Every time we were in trouble, I couldn’t do anything! I just stood there with my hands in front of me looking stupid while all of you fought so hard! I was useless.” His eyes got hot so he shut them and bowed his head. “And now, the only thing special about me will destroy me if I use it. Ironic, right?” He sniffed. “The only way I can be strong enough to protect you is by bursting into pieces. The only way that I can save you guys is by killing myself–”

A hard smack to the side of his head stopped him.

Mikey looked up, shocked, expecting to see Raph or Leo. What he didn’t expect was to lock eyes with his purple brother. What he expected even less was the look of absolute horror that was on Donnie’s face and the tears falling down his cheeks while he was frozen in place.

Raph and Leo looked equally shocked, but neither looked like they were shocked by Donnie’s actions.

“Stop–” Donnie squeaked out. He glanced down at Mikey’s arm.

The orange-clad turtle looked down and realized that he had started scratching it during his rant. The red, angry lines on his arm glared at him. Mikey hadn’t even realized when they had started to burn. This had happened multiple times since after the battle. Whenever Mikey was alone, he would find himself thinking back to the attack and unconsciously rubbing or scratching at his arms.

Mikey's vision got blurry. “I– I’m sorry–” He tried to speak, but his throat closed up. Preventing any words from coming out. It was hard to breathe. Or was he breathing too much? Mikey couldn’t tell. Are his brothers underwater? Why do they sound so foggy and far away? Why can’t his eyes focus? What is happening? Mikey’s hands were shaking and he couldn’t stop them like he normally does. Scratch that– his whole body was shaking. All of his muscles were tense and… it hurt. But he couldn’t relax his body. He tried, but he couldn’t do it. He felt someone help lower him to sit on the ground and something firm yet flexible wrapped around him, pulling his shoulders down. Mikey grabbed at the heavy fabric, gripping it tightly, afraid to let go and drift away.

“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice was clearer. He wasn’t as far underwater as he was before.

Mikey attempted to open his mouth to answer, but no words came out. Just a strangled sob.

“It’s okay, Mikey,” Donnie quickly assured him. “You don’t have to answer, but can you try something for me? It’ll be easy. I promise.”

Mikey nodded, trusting his brother.

“Can you name five things that you can see?”

Mikey opened his mouth, but his throat still wouldn’t allow any words to come out.

“It’s okay,” Donnie reassured. “Take your time. I’m right here. Just answer whenever you feel ready.”

Mikey blinked and looked around, his vision slowly getting less foggy. “Wall…” he said with a sniff, “pizza… paints… comic books… brothers…”

“Good, Mikey, that was excellent. Now, can you name four things that you can feel?”

Mikey grabbed his arm. “Burning… shaking… heavy… fabric?”

Donnie nodded his head and smiled softly. He was sitting across from Mikey. Mikey could see Raph and Leo, too. They were on their knees behind Donnie, but not super close. Mikey didn’t know why, but he was a bit relieved that they weren’t close. Donnie was fine, but if all of his brothers were that close…

“You’re doing great,” Donnie said, pulling Mikey’s attention back. “Can you name three things you can hear?”

Mikey closed his eyes, focusing only on his one sense. “Water dripping… breathing… shuffling…”

Mikey opened his eyes and saw Donnie nodding again. “What are two things you can smell?”

Mikey sniffed. “Spray paint. Gross sewer water.”

Donnie chuckled. “Last one,” he said. “What is one thing that you can taste?”

“Breakfast.” Mikey remembered the eggs and pancakes that he had made only hours earlier; the taste was still faintly in his mouth.

“That was amazing, Mikey,” Donnie said. “Can I touch you?”

That’s a weird question, Mikey thought. I’m the affectionate one, of course Dee can touch me! “Yeah,” was all Mikey said out loud.

The moment arms were wrapped around him, Mikey immediately sank into them, relishing in the comfortable added pressure around him. He sighed contently.

“What just happened?” Mikey asked. “My mind went crazy and my body was acting all weird.”

“You were having a panic attack, Mikey.”

“Oh.” He shifted and a sound met his ear holes, reminding him of a tiny waterfall. The source of the sound was the blanket that was wrapped around him. A weird-looking gray blanket with a bunch of squares. “What’s this?”

“My weighted blanket,” Donnie explained. “I told Raph to get it from my room when I saw what was happening to you. It’s supposed to help with anxiety, so I figured that it could help you as well.”

“He also told us that we shouldn’t crowd you,” Leo added, fidgeting with the sleeves on his arms. “Is it still okay if we’re in the same room?”

“Yes!” Mikey hurried to respond. “Actually, I’m feeling less shaky. So, if you want to, could you guys join–”

Mikey wasn’t left any more time to finish his sentence as he felt more arms wrap around him. Anchoring him to the floor.

“Thanks,” he sighed. “I didn’t want to drift away.”

“Of course, little brother,” Raph said as the three older brothers shared a look, confused and concerned with what Mikey said.

“Sorry that that happened,” Mikey mumbled. “I don’t even know why that happened. I thought I was handling all of this well.”

“That’s the problem, Mike,” Leo said. “You can’t just bottle up your emotions and make sure we’re all happy. You have to leave time for your emotions to come out too.”

“Yeah, I’ll work on that.” Mikey sniffed.

“I think it’s safe to say that we’ll all stay in the sewers for a while,” Raph said, “together.”

“Until everyone is completely fine and everything is let out,” Leo confirmed.

“And no bottling up feelings or not speaking your mind,” Donnie said. “We tell each other everything that we think or feel. Okay?”

They all agreed.

“Can I suggest something?” Mikey spoke up.

“Go for it,” Leo said.

“Could we sleep together? Like we did when we were younger? Just for a few nights at least.”

His older brothers gave him an extra squeeze.

“Of course, Michael,” Donnie said.

“It might be hard to fit all of us in one bed, but we could build a pillow fort instead,” Leo suggested.

“And we can stay in the fort for as many nights as you want,” Raph said.

“Thanks, guys.” Mikey sagged into their hold. Comfortable in the warmth that radiated from their tight huddle.

“And Mikey,” Donnie added, “it is completely normal for you to have to cry and for you to have strong emotions right now. You went through something really traumatic. We all did, but you’re the youngest.” Mikey raised an accusing eyebrow and Donnie quickly added, “I don’t mean that as a jab! All I mean is that we hate that you have to experience all of this when we didn’t have to deal with anything this server when we were your age. I mean, we had to deal with the whole Shredder incident, but you also did and you were younger then too–”

“Also,” Leo said, cutting off Donnie’s rambling, “how dare you say that you are useless during a fight! You threw a fucking building at that ugly Krang!”

“That’s what I told Donnie!” Raph exclaimed. “With fewer profanities though,” he mumbled.

“When did you say that to Donnie?” Mikey asked.

“We were talking about you two when you were unconscious,” Donnie explained.

“Wait, what?”

“You did what?”

“It’s nothing,” Donnie said, rolling his eyes. “Raph and I were just having a small talk about how you two are too selfless and need to be controlled. Hence, the slideshow – with pictures.”

“Um, excuse you!” Leo scoffed, grinning. “But if I remember correctly – and I do – you were both pretty selfless yourselves.”

“Well, sometimes you have to step up and be heroes,” Raph joked.

“And what a bold hero you are Raphael,” Donnie chuckled.

“Bolder than Atomic Lass,” Leo snarked.

“Um, gasp! How dare you disgrace Atomic Lass in my presence!” Donnie said.

Leo laughed. “Didn’t she and a bunch of other mascots attack us that one time?”

“That was a mutant disguised as her!” his twin defended. “That was not her truly! And if that would’ve been her, she would’ve kicked your ass to the moon,” Donnie challenged.

“Hey, language!” Raph whined.

Leo and Donnie ignored their older brother as they continued their conversation about who would win between a fictional character and a mutant turtle.

Mikey looked up at his brothers and smiled. Tears came to his eyes, but this time for a good reason.

This is what safety feels like.