Chapter Text
Morgana and Merlin had waited while the paramedics loaded Uther into the ambulance and took him to the hospital under a fake name to keep Willard in the dark. Morgana called in every favor she could to keep the fallout to a minimum. Only trusted people would know that he was still alive and what happened. The story was released to the news. The New York City Police Commissioner being brutally beaten and tortured and killed was not a story that could be kept under wraps. To keep Arthur safe the story had to be out there. If Willard suspected anything was amiss it would all come apart and he would kill Arthur.
Merlin was struggling with the pull to go after Arthur and the need to stick to their plan. Gwaine, Leon, and the others were feeling the same. They had to be patient and wait for Arthur’s signal to move in. He glanced at Morgana seeing the same yearning in her eyes. The wait was going to be torture and what if Willard used hypnosis again, would the switch Merlin planted protect Arthur?
Glancing down at his phone for the millionth time, Merlin shook his head. If he didn’t hear from Arthur in another hour he was going after him, fuck the damn plan. He sat down on the stairs, drawing his knees up to his chest, staring at the screen of his phone.
“Staring at that screen isn’t going to make things happen any faster,” Gwaine said as he sat down on the steps next to Merlin. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Merlin frowned. “I’m scared. When all this is over, how is Arthur going to deal with it? After all he has been through. It’s not going to be easy.”
“He will have you, Morgana, his father, and his friends. Arthur will get through it. He is strong and stubborn as hell,” Gwaine said.
“I wish my magic could fix everything.”
Gwaine nodded, “I know you do, but there are some things that need time and love to fix. Things that cannot be rushed. Listen to the voice of experience, Arthur is going to be hurting for a while, but he will get through it.”
“How are you doing?” Merlin asked.
“One day at a time,” Gwaine smiled, “I am a work in progress.”
“I’m sorry, I haven’t exactly been there for you lately.”
“Merlin, I owe you my life many times over. I would not be here right now if you had not been there for me the past three years.”
“You’re my best friend,” Merlin smiled.
“And you’re mine. So, that means I get to be your best man when you and Arthur get married right?”
Merlin laughed, “That is a long way off. We haven’t even had a first date.”
Gwaine shook his head, “Anyone who sees the two of you together for barely five minutes can see that what you have is real and right.”
“It is, but I am not going to pressure Arthur. I have to be patient and give him space to heal while still being there when he needs me.”
“You never cease to amaze me,” Gwaine smiled, “You’re very wise for one so young.”
“Comes from being forced to grow up far too fast. Losing my mother at twelve, never knowing my father. The foster parents I lived with weren’t exactly loving and supportive…”
“Were they abusive?”
Merlin shrugged, “It’s in the past.”
“Sorry,” Gwaine frowned, “You’ve never wanted to talk about that part of your life. I should know better than to bring it up.”
“It’s all right. Not your fault. I’d rather forget about those years.”
“You should think about talking to someone…Gwen has really helped me.”
Merlin nodded, “There’s a lot I still need to tell Arthur. He should know what kind of a person he is getting into a relationship with while he can still walk away.”
“I can guarantee you there is nothing you can tell him that will make him walk away from you, Merlin.”
“I’m not so sure…”
“I am.”
“You don’t even know all I have done, Gwaine.”
“It doesn’t matter to me, and it won’t matter to Arthur either. I know you were dealt a shitty hand in life, but you have come through it all. You are strong, hopeful, loyal, and braver than anyone I know. There is no one I trust and respect more than you, Merlin. You’re a good man.”
“Thank you, Gwaine,” Merlin gave him a small smile.
“No need to thank me, Merlin. I am only speaking the truth,” Gwaine said as he reached over to pat the younger man’s knee.
Merlin’s phone vibrated and he looked at it and frowned. “Not Arthur,” he said as he texted Gaius back. “Gaius is in the air. He will be landing at JFK in an hour.”
Gwaine nodded, “I’ll go tell Leon to call Gwen. She will pick him up and drive him to Arthur’s apartment.”
“Tell her thank you,” Merlin said.
“Will do,” Gwaine said then got up and went in search of Leon.
Merlin pressed his phone to his chest dropping his head. “Come on, Arthur…” he whispered.
Arthur struggled to maintain his cover as Willard continued to celebrate the death of Uther. They drove around the city for what seemed like forever before Willard said something to the driver. Arthur felt the weight of his phone in his pocket his fingers itched to text Merlin, but he couldn’t risk it yet. He had to keep up the act until they got to a secure location where Arthur could get the upper hand and contain Willard before the man had a chance to get into his head again.
To say he was afraid was an understatement. Arthur knew he had one shot at this. If he failed and Willard earwigged him again, it would all be over. He’d already made a conscious decision to put a bullet in his own head before he allowed Willard to control him any longer. He didn’t want to die, but if it came down to a choice between dying or turning into a monster, he would choose death.
“Arthur, what’s wrong, son?” Willard asked as he downed another glass of scotch.
Keep drinking, you piece of shit. Arthur smirked then shook his head. “Nothing, everything is fine. Just enjoying the memory of the look on Uther’s face right before I sliced him open.”
“Did he scream…beg, plead for his life?” Willard asked almost eagerly and Arthur clenched his fists pressing his knuckles into the sides of his thighs to keep from wrapping his hands around the man’s neck.
“He cried like a baby,” Arthur said with feigned amusement.
“That is wonderful news, my son. Oh, how I wish I could have been there.”
Arthur smiled, “I’m curious though, Uther said that it was you who killed my mother. Was he lying?”
“Ah, yes, Ygraine…amazing woman. I loved her, you know? Loved her beyond all reason. If only she had not rejected me. We belonged together, but she just couldn’t see that. I gave her so many chances, far too many. Then we had that romantic night in Chicago and she accused me of raping her to save face with Uther. Rape, utterly absurd, it was a beautiful act of love and you were born of that love, my son.”
“So, Uther was lying? You didn’t kill her?” Arthur asked casually.
“Oh, I killed her…indirectly, of course,” Willard laughed, “She left me no choice. She was undermining everything…threatening my work, jeopardizing my carefully orchestrated plans for you. I could not allow that. Surely, you can understand that, my boy. I could not let her come between us.”
Arthur pushed down his rage and forced a smile. “Of course, father. You have always done what was best for me…I understand that.”
“You are such a good son, I love you, Arthur.”
“I love you too, father,” Arthur said, his stomach roiling as he uttered the words. He looked out the window realizing they were near the river. “Are we not going to the house?” he asked.
“I thought we would make a stop first,” Willard smiled, “Is that a problem?”
“No, not at all. It has just been a long day. I’m rather tired.”
“Of course, how selfish of me. You have had a trying day. We will go home very soon. I really must take care of something first. There’s someone I have been searching for. He’s been eluding me for decades.”
Arthur’s blood ran cold hearing that tone in Willard’s voice. “Who?” he asked.
“One of my men, he betrayed me.”
“Your men? You mean from the military?”
“Ah yes, he was my most trusted comrade until he turned traitor. He turned against me…ruined everything. He went to my superiors, including Uther. Revealed closely guarded secrets about my work. He destroyed everything and then disappeared like a coward. Uther is finally dead, and now I shall take my revenge on Balinor Emrys.”
Arthur barely managed to keep his expression neutral when he heard the name. Balinor Emrys…Merlin’s father. He laughed. “You should let me take care of him for you, father.”
“Ah, yes, I remember my first kills…the blood lust…the burgeoning need to kill. It is intoxicating, isn’t it? Perhaps you are right. I do prefer being the observer.”
“It would be my honor, father.”
“Very well,” Willard beamed with pride.
The driver pulled up to the same warehouse by the river where Willard had beaten Arthur…where all this began. They got out of the car and walked into the building.
Three men, more like vending machines with heads, were waiting inside. Willard dismissed them with a nod and they immediately left the building. Arthur moved ahead of Willard looking down into the concrete pit that he remembered all too well. A man sat tied to the same chair he had been tied to. There was a hood over his head and he was beaten and bloodied.
“May I begin, father?” Arthur asked Willard who smiled and waved a hand.
“By all means, don’t let me hold you back, son,” he said then clapped his hands together once almost gleefully. “Enjoy yourself, I will just sit back and watch. You’ll find a wide array of weapons on the table…take your pick.”
Arthur walked to the table, picked up then unsheathed a knife with a slightly curved blade and mean-looking serrated teeth. He also grabbed a set of three small throwing knives, slipping them into the pocket of his jeans, then turned to look at his ‘father’. He smiled then made his way down the ladder and crossed the concrete floor to stand in front of the captive.
“Let’s just remove this, shall we?” Arthur yanked the hood off the man’s head. Balinor glared up at him with deep-set dark eyes that looked nothing like Merlin’s except for the fleeting glimmer of gold in their depths. Arthur took in his appearance, shoulder-length dark hair and a beard, both with hints of silver. His long, fleece-lined, leather duster and heavy boots, a blue and gray flannel shirt, and blue jeans, were both ripped and stained with blood. “You’re looking a bit rough, my friend.”
“Fuck you,” Balinor growled then spit on Arthur, his saliva landing on his shoe.
“Oh, now that is just nasty,” Arthur made a disgusted sound. “Spit on me again and I will skip the fun stuff and just stab you in the throat, understand?” Arthur snapped sharply making a disgusted sound. He lunged forward taking a handful of Balinor’s hair jerking his head back, his mouth right next to his ear. “If you want to survive this, I need you to trust me. Play along. You don’t know me, but I know you. Trust me and I will get you out of here.”
Balinor glared at him, but there was now a look of confusion and curiosity in his eyes. “What do you want from me?” he asked then turned to look at Willard. “Too goddamn lazy to kill me yourself, Willard you bastard?”
“Ah my traitorous friend, you know me, I so enjoy delegating,” Willard smirked, “I’d like you to meet my son, Arthur. He’s proving his loyalty to me by taking care of my enemies. First, Uther Pendragon, now you.”
“Uther is dead?” Balinor asked his face going pale.
“Oh dear, how insensitive of me, I forgot you two were close friends. It was he who helped you to disappear was it not?”
Arthur leaned in again and pressed the knife to flesh. “Is your magic working?” he asked softly, earning him a stunned look from Balinor. The man seemed to weigh Arthur’s words and gave a barely discernable nod. “Good, wait for my signal then free yourself of the ropes,” he slipped one of the small knives into Balinor’s hand. “Leave Willard to me.”
“Fuck you!” Balinor growled, tilting his head away from Arthur, but his eyes held no heat, only reluctant agreement. “Just kill me…get it over with.”
“Come now, I am hurt. Are we not having a good time?” Arthur asked tauntingly. “Well, I am…such a good time. I haven’t had this much fun in ages. All the time I wasted being the good son. I’m finally free of Uther Pendragon’s thumb.”
Balinor looked at him his mouth opening in shock. “You’re Arthur…Ygraine and Uther’s son,” he said letting out a ragged breath. “Why are you doing this?” he asked, “Willard is evil.”
“Willard is my true father,” Arthur said harshly, “He is proud of who I am…what I can do. He loves me. He always knew my potential.”
“What has he done to you?” Balinor asked shaking his head.”
“He set me free,” Arthur smiled then he nodded toward Balinor’s bound hands and headed for the ladder climbing up. He returned to the table as Willard moved to join him. He put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder squeezing it gently.
“Sycamore leaves, Arthur,” he said firmly. Arthur froze then nodded. He picked up a machete testing its sharpness with a fingertip. Willard turned and walked to the edge of the pit looking down at his old enemy. “Enough games, Arthur. Time to finish this.”
Before turning away from the table, he looked at his phone. There was a text from Merlin and he nearly laughed out loud.
Exterior secured…gorilla triplets locked up and singing for bananas.
Arthur sent a one-word text back.
Lucidity.
He pocketed the phone and then turned moving to stand just a step behind Willard who looked at him and smiled.
Balinor met Arthur’s gaze with a nod and stood up. Willard’s expression faltered and he opened his mouth, but Arthur moved behind him. His arm wrapped around his neck immediately cutting off whatever he was going to say.
“Checkmate, you lose,” Arthur growled in his ear.
“Impossible,” Willard gasped, “My programming is unbreakable!”
“You underestimated me, Willard. And you definitely underestimated my mother, you fucking bastard. She beat you at your own game. She found the key.”
“That bitch!” Willard hissed.
“It must hurt to know she was smarter than you,” Arthur smirked.
“Sycamore Leaves!” Willard tried to shout, but Arthur’s arm tightened against his windpipe causing it to come out sounding more like a mad tomcat yowling for his dinner in an alleyway.
“You said that already,” Arthur grinned, “Funny…it doesn’t seem to be working.”
Balinor removed the restraints from his feet. He looked up at Willard. “You have tortured and tormented…killed innocent people who trusted you to help them. You are a monster, Willard. A weak piece of shit. Ygraine was a good woman, you couldn’t stand that she rejected your advances. She came to me for help. I gave up everything to help her bring you down, and I failed, but Ygraine did not. I will see that the damage is undone. All those people you harmed in your lust for power,” he looked at Arthur seeing the seething rage in the younger man’s eyes. “Arthur…it’s over.”
Arthur shook his head, “Not quite. Willard wanted me to be a killer like him. He wanted me to kill my own father…well, Uther’s still alive, you fucking bastard. You failed at that too.
“I saw those photos…the video,” Willard yelped.
“You were right about Merlin’s special skills,” Arthur grinned, “How does it feel to be manipulated and tricked? Not so fun when you’re on the receiving end is it? You made me believe that I violated and killed Merlin…planted those fake memories in my head. You are a monster and I am not taking any chances. You will not get away this time...you are going to pay.
“Arthur, I can still give you everything…I am so proud of you, my son. Please, please just let me fix your programming. We can go back to being happy. We can be father and son.”
“You are not my father!” Arthur hissed then in one fluid movement he snapped Willard’s neck and let go, his limp body falling into the pit with a dull thud. He stared at him for a moment, calm and focused then he nodded and turned to look at Balinor. He then moved to the ladder to help the injured man to the top. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“I’ll live,” Balinor smiled, “Are you?”
“I will be as soon as I get that monster’s programming out of my head.”
“I can help you with that. I just need access to your mother’s research. You saved my life, Arthur, I owe you.”
“Thank you,” Arthur nodded, “I have a feeling I am going to need all the help I can get. This whole thing has been a fucking nightmare.”
“Let’s get out of here before Willard’s men come looking for him.”
“They have been taken care of,” Arthur said and Balinor raised an eyebrow. “There’s something you need to know before we go out there.”
“What?” the older man asked warily.
“There’s someone outside…someone very important to me. His name is Merlin.”
“I heard you mention him,” Balinor said.
“This is not easy, but I need you to be prepared. Merlin, he is special…he has magic like you.”
Balinor tilted his head slightly, “Magic?”
“Yes, he is like you, Balinor…because he is your son,” Arthur said.
“My son,” Balinor faltered his knees nearly giving out, “I—I have a son?”
“His mother was Hunith,” Arthur said, “He knows very little about you. Only what she told him in a letter after her death.”
“Hunith is dead?” Balinor asked, his voice breaking, “When?”
“When Merlin was twelve…he’s twenty-four now. He has had a hard life, years in foster care and the last seven years on the streets of New York.”
“Dear god,” Balinor gasped tears filling his eyes, “My boy…my son…I had no idea. I didn’t know he existed. If I had known…”
“He understands that,” Arthur said, “He doesn’t blame you. I just thought you should know before you meet him.”
Balinor nodded and wiped his eyes, “Thank you…thank you, Arthur. You are a good man, like your father.”
Arthur smiled, “I hope you still feel that way when I tell you that Merlin and I are together…in a relationship…well early stages anyway. Things have been a bit complicated as you might imagine.”
“Together?” Balinor asked, both eyebrows raising, “You two are…”
“Yes,” Arthur nodded, “I love him and he loves me.”
Balinor grinned placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Come, introduce me to my son.” They walked out of the building together as a swarm of police cars and two ambulances pulled up to the warehouse.
Merlin broke away from Morgana who was tied up with explaining what was going on to the new arrivals. When he saw Arthur, he grinned and ran headlong into his waiting arms.
“Thank God, you’re all right,” Merlin said, “You are all right? Right?”
“I’m okay,” Arthur chuckled, “Thanks to you.”
Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck and kissed him tenderly. “And Willard? Where is he?”
“He’s dead, it’s over,” Arthur said kissing his forehead.
“Thank god for that,” Merlin said his hand splayed over Arthur’s heart. “I was so afraid he would take control of you again and I would lose you forever.”
“He didn’t, I am here,” Arthur smiled brushing his thumb lightly over Merlin’s cheek. “Merlin, there’s someone you need to meet. Willard held him captive in the pit, he wanted me to torture and kill him.”
Merlin shook his head, “What? Who?”
Arthur turned toward where Balinor stood, twenty feet away, watching, staring in disbelief at the son he never knew he had. Merlin turned to look and froze. His mouth dropped open. He saw the man remembered only from the faded and grainy photos his mother had kept over the years, worn from all the times she had pulled them out to look at them…worn even more from the times Merlin had looked at them. Photos that were locked away in a small storage locker Merlin had kept for years to hold his few precious belongings.
“Father…” Merlin choked back a soft cry.
“My son,” Balinor smiled through his tears as he closed the distance between them throwing his arms around Merlin. He held on to him. “God, you look just like your mother…you’re beautiful…I’m so sorry, Merlin. I didn’t know.”
“It’s all right,” Merlin laughed breathlessly, “You’re here now.”
“If I had known about you,” Balinor said as he drew back and looked into his son’s blue eyes. “Arthur told me what you went through…it must have been so hard for you. I am so sorry about Hunith…I loved her…I never stopped loving her. I couldn’t come back because Willard wanted me dead. He would have killed her too…he would have killed you.”
“I don’t understand, how did you come to be involved with Willard?” Merlin asked.
“I was one of his men on the special ops team. I was the one who reported to our superiors what he was doing to people. He was evil. Ygraine came to me for help bringing him down. I thought by reporting what he was doing that he would be arrested and locked away. When he wasn’t I knew I had to run or all those I cared about would be in danger.”
“You knew Arthur’s mother?”
Balinor nodded, “She and Uther were my closest friends. Uther helped me disappear. He sent me to live in the mountains of Idaho, a small remote town, where I stayed all these years until somehow Willard found me. His people dragged me back here so he could take his revenge.”
Merlin looked at Arthur then back at his father. “Um, you should know…Arthur and I are…”
“I know, son, and I am pleased. Arthur is a good man, so much like his parents. I think that is why I trusted him back there before I even knew who he was.”
Arthur glanced over and spotted Morgana heading their way. He smiled and held his arms open and she ran into his embrace.
“Arthur, god, you’re okay. I was so scared.”
“I’m fine, Morgana. Willard’s inside…he’s dead.”
“You?” she asked and he nodded, “Are you all right?”
“I will be,” Arthur grinned and kissed the top of her head.
“Who is that with Merlin?” she asked curiously.
“That is his father, Balinor.”
“His—his father?”
“I’ll fill you in later,” Arthur nodded, “Right now I need a very strong drink.”
Morgana linked her arm with her brother’s and they walked toward Gwaine and the others. Merlin and Balinor followed.
“Jacobs,” Morgana called out to the detective and he headed over to them.
“Arthur, glad to see you in one piece.”
“Can’t say the same for Willard,” Arthur said.
“Good,” Jacobs smiled.
“Will you take charge?” Morgana asked, “I need to take care of my brother.”
“You got it,” Jacobs smiled. He motioned to several officers to follow him and they headed into the warehouse to clean up the mess.
“Morgana, I killed him,” Arthur said his voice strained, “With my bare hands, I snapped his neck. I didn’t think…I didn’t hesitate.”
“Willard was a monster,” Balinor said, “There are God knows how many victims out there like you, with his programming in their minds. He could have triggered them with nothing more than a phone call or an email, even a word uttered in casual conversation. I worked with that son of a bitch, there are things he did…the stuff of horror movies. Actually, worse than horror movies. Believe me, Arthur, he was not human. Taking him out was the right thing to do and you should not feel any remorse.”
“But that’s just it,” Arthur said, “I don’t feel remorse…I feel nothing. I should feel something.”
“Arthur, let’s just get you home,” Merlin said touching his face, “Gaius is there. He will help you. We have your mother’s research.”
“And I can help you decipher it,” Balinor said.
“You need to go to the hospital,” Arthur said to the older man.
“I’m fine, I have had far worse.”
Arthur looked at Merlin and smirked, “You two are definitely related. Stubborn.”
“Yes, we are,” Merlin chuckled.
Arthur should have been asleep, he was exhausted. Instead, he was standing alone out on the terrace, staring up at the falling snow. The night sky, the low clouds, the air perfectly still. The sounds of the city below, subdued, and familiar…comforting. He shivered, hugging himself against the cold, knowing he should go back inside, but, at the same time, desperate to feel something, anything but the still lingering rage and fear.
“Arthur,” Merlin wrapped a heavy blanket around Arthur’s shoulders. “You’re going to catch your death. Come inside.”
“Merlin…”
“What is it? Talk to me, please.”
Arthur shook his head and choked back a desperate and anguished cry. Merlin pulled him close. He held Arthur, his magic surging from his skin, wrapping them in warmth as Arthur pressed his face into the crook of Merlin’s neck.
“I’m here,” Merlin said softly stroking Arthur’s hair.
“Willard won,” Arthur said, his voice trembling, “Merlin, he turned me into a killer.”
Merlin hugged him tighter, “No, Arthur…he failed.”
“But he didn’t really,” Arthur drew back shaking his head, “He got exactly what he wanted…he created a monster…I’m a monster.”
“Willard had to die.”
“How am I supposed to do my job now? How am I supposed to hunt killers when I am one?”
“Arthur, just because you faced a monster doesn’t make you one,” Merlin said with unwavering conviction. “You risked everything to stop Willard. No one else could have done what you did, and you are nothing like him. You are a good man, the strongest, bravest man I have ever known.”
“You have such faith in me,” Arthur said releasing a breath.
“You’re right, I do,” Merlin smiled.
“Merlin, I need you…need you so badly right now,” he said pleadingly.
Merlin moved closer, pressing his lips to Arthur’s, so gentle and loving that Arthur melted into his embrace. The kiss became deeper and more desperate as Arthur sought his strength, his warmth, and his unshakable faith.
“Arthur,” Merlin moaned against his lips, “God, we should slow down.”
“We really should,” Arthur laughed huskily, “But I don’t want to.”
“Neither do I,” Merlin smiled.
“I think you should take me to bed then.”
“I can do that,” Merlin said then took hold of Arthur’s hand leading him inside. They moved quietly past Merlin’s room where Balinor was sleeping. Gaius was in the other guest room. “How loud are you?” Merlin asked wagging his eyebrows as he drew Arthur against him and the blanket dropped to the floor pooling at Arthur’s feet. “My father is next door.”
“I guess we will find out, won’t we?” Arthur grinned and kissed Merlin.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay with this?” Merlin asked.
“Yes, I don’t want to have these false memories haunting me for the rest of my life, I want to replace them with real ones that are so good they completely eclipse the bad. Merlin, I need to feel you…the real you.”
“All right, but we will take it slow. If at any point you need to stop just tell me.”
Arthur nodded then leaned in, his hands sliding beneath Merlin’s T-shirt pressing flat against his skin, fingertips tracing every line, every curve. He was trembling with need and lost in Merlin’s warmth. His mouth captured his in a kiss so filled with desire and longing, their lips and tongues moving together in the perfect dance.
“God, Arthur,” Merlin’s breathing stuttered as Arthur’s mouth trailed along his jaw and then his neck and earlobe.
“Is this all right?” Arthur asked, “It’s all new to me. I mean with a male of course.”
“Yes, fuck, Arthur…”
“You taste good…smell so good.”
Merlin pulled his shirt off over his head and Arthur’s hand covered his completely healed knife wound. He looked into his eyes and smiled.
“Magic…” he said softly and Merlin nodded.
“Being near you, my magic does things I never imagined it could do.”
“Merlin, I want to feel it…your magic. Can you?” he asked not sure exactly what he was asking for but trusting Merlin to understand.
“Anything for you, Arthur,” Merlin smiled and kissed him letting his magic flow around them touching, caressing, searching. “All that I am…my magic, my heart, my body, and my soul…all yours.”
“Merlin, now…I need you now,” Arthur said breathlessly and Merlin undressed and then helped Arthur out of his clothing. Naked before each other for the first time they stared and touched and kissed. “God, you are beautiful!”
“As are you,” Merlin smiled then moved onto the bed drawing Arthur down with him. He kissed him his hands moving over every inch of his gorgeous, muscular, and hard body. His eyes turned golden and Arthur’s breath caught in his throat as he stared into their beautiful depths.
“Merlin, your eyes…”
“Sorry does it freak you out?” Merlin asked.
“God, no, it’s the most incredible thing I have ever seen…stunning. What did your magic just do?” he asked.
“Just a little assistance,” Merlin smirked then laughed when Arthur’s eyes widened in the realization of what was happening. “I thought we should go with you taking me rather than the other way around. At least for our first time.”
“Merlin, I don’t,” Arthur’s eyes filled with fear.
“You’re not going to hurt me and believe me I want you inside me so badly. If you’re not ready for that we can stick to the basics.”
Arthur looked at Merlin the softness of his eyes and the light flutter of his fingertips down Arthur’s chest. He shook his head and smiled.
“I want to,” he said softly and Merlin wrapped his impossibly long legs around his hips drawing him in between his thighs. Arthur moaned as he felt the heat of his body sheathing him, ever so slowly…wet, slick, and hot. “God, Merlin…” he gasped.
“Do you want to stop?” Merlin asked and Arthur shook his head his eyes closing.
“You feel so good,” he moaned.
“I was made for you, Arthur. I know that for certain now,” Merlin grinned his legs and arms wrapping around his lover as Arthur filled him completely. “Perfection,” he said breathlessly.
“I don’t want to move,” Arthur huffed a breath, “I want to just stay buried inside you forever.”
“That would be a tad awkward,” Merlin chuckled and Arthur kissed him.
“Are you okay, I’m not hurting you?” Arthur asked.
“I am happier than I have ever been in my life,” Merlin said, “I love you, Arthur.”
“I love you too, so much…so very much. I never thought I could feel this way.”
“I think you should move some now,” Merlin smiled, “Feels even better.”
Arthur kissed him and then withdrew before pushing into him again. “Holy hell, that…”
“Told you…”
“This is good, so damn good,” Arthur said then moved more his hips moving faster and thrusting harder each time as his release began to build and Merlin moaned and panted beneath him. “Good lord, that is amazing.”
“That’s it, Arthur,” Merlin gasped tightening his legs around him, “God, yes!”
“I’m so close, Merlin…fuck!”
Merlin wrapped his hand around his thick hard cock and stroked himself to release as Arthur came deep inside him and they collapsed together in a tangle of arms and legs. Their hearts pounding, skin glistening with sweat.
“That was brilliant,” Merlin said between erratic breaths.
“I never imagined it would be like that,” Arthur smiled his eyes bright and wide and impossibly blue. “Merlin…”
“Hmm?”
“Now I really want you to do that to me.”
“Believe me, I will, but not tonight. When I take you I am going to make damn sure there’s no one else around because I am going to take you apart,” he grinned. “I want to see the range of sounds I can get out of you, my Arthur.”
“I shall definitely look forward to that, my Merlin.”
“Are you all right?”
“I am—I am good…I love you,” Arthur said kissing him tenderly then nuzzling his neck he slowly pulled out of him and they lay together in each other’s arms.
“I love you too, Arthur…more than I can ever say.”
“Tomorrow we see how much damage Willard did to my psyche,” Arthur frowned.
“Everything is going to be okay. My dad and Gaius have your mom’s research. Morgana had everything brought over from the lab in the apartment building.”
“I can’t believe that was there all this time.”
“You went to that building searching for it,” Merlin said.
Arthur nodded, “I remember thinking that I needed help and that my mother had to know what Willard was doing. It turns my stomach to think about what he did to her and that he may have been my real father.”
“He wasn’t your father, Arthur. Uther is…he told Morgana and me what happened. That Willard drugged and raped her in Chicago and that she was already pregnant with you when it happened.”
“Yeah, Willard admitted as much to me, but he was so sure I was his son. Morgana said Uther is doing well. He’s going to be released from the hospital in a couple of days. I don’t know how I will ever face him after what I did.”
“He knows it wasn’t you…he knows it was not your fault. He knew what Willard was and what he was capable of and did nothing. In many ways, he is just as culpable. He should have stopped it.”
“Why didn’t he?” Arthur asked.
“Because he was afraid that Willard would kill you and Morgana. He believed Willard was bluffing when he claimed to have programmed your mother because she did not remember him putting her under hypnosis.”
Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, “It’s going to take time…I have a lot to come to terms with.”
Merlin snuggled closer and kissed his chest. “I am here to help you every step of the way. You can tell me anything.”
“I can’t shake this feeling that it’s not over…that Willard had multiple contingency plans. I don’t think we are out of this yet.”
“I hope you’re wrong, but I admit the thought has crossed my mind as well.”
Arthur rolled onto his back and Merlin sat up drawing his knees to his chest. He reached over tracing figure eights on Arthur’s stomach.
“Why do you do that?”
Merlin shrugged, “Eight is my favorite number…upright infinity.”
“Infinity…”
“Yes, a symbol of our bond…our love…infinity.”
“You’re surprisingly wise and smart, Merlin. Are you sure you never went to college?”
Merlin huffed a laugh, “I barely managed to finish high school. College was out of the realm of possibilities.”
“You know, you can tell me anything too, Merlin. I won’t judge you and nothing you tell me will ever change how I feel about you.”
“I should have known those words would bite me in the ass,” he smirked.
“I never wanted to push, but I know there are things you have kept from me out of fear that I would walk away from you. Well, you might as well tell me, because I am not going anywhere.”
Merlin fell silent for a moment wrapping his arms around his knees as Arthur put a hand on his forearm. He nodded as if making the decision to come clean.
“My life…it wasn’t always bad…when it was my mother and me, she worked all the time, but we were close and I was happy. After she died and I was put into foster care, things got bad…real bad. I was put with a family that had six other foster kids and they milked the system for as much money as they could. The seven of us, four boys and three girls, we barely had enough food and all our clothing came from thrift stores or whatever we could steal. There were times when we were locked inside the bedrooms for days. Our only food and water was whatever we had managed to stash in the darkest corners of our closets.”
“Dear God,” Arthur breathed.
“The girls got caught shoplifting and CPS was called in. We were all removed from their care and they were arrested for child endangerment and neglect.”
“Couldn’t have happened to nicer people,” Arthur frowned.
“Yeah, and ironically the foster home I ended up in next was worse,” Merlin said, “I was placed with an older couple with two sons who were older than me by a few years. They were druggies and they stole money and valuables from their parents to feed their habits. When that ran out they decided to use me for both entertainment and a form of income. They…” Merlin’s voice broke and Arthur linked their fingers together.
“Take your time, Merlin…”
“They beat me, sexually abused me, and then forced me into selling myself for money so they could buy drugs.”
“Oh, Merlin…” Arthur said leaning forward to kiss his shoulder, “If it’s too much…”
“No, I have to get it out now before I lose my nerve again.”
“All right, just take your time. There’s no pressure.”
“Anyway, I was with them until I turned sixteen. I ran away and ended up in a juvenile facility for eight months for shoplifting and solicitation. When I was released they sent me back to them and I ran away. Ended up living on the streets and doing whatever jobs I could to get by without having to resort to illegal sources of income. It wasn’t easy.
“I’m sure,” Arthur frowned.
“The best job I ever had was for a small grocery store, I delivered groceries to people. I loved it. That’s actually how I met Gwaine. I saw him on the street, he was starving. I gave him a couple of apples and a bottle of water out of the bag I was delivering. We became friends and it was good…things were good for a while then the couple who owned the grocery store were killed…shot in a robbery and the store closed.”
“Merlin, I am so sorry. God, I wish we had met sooner.”
“Me too,” Merlin smiled. “Um, anyway Gwaine and I were inseparable. Watched out for each other. Kept each other alive. On really cold winter nights we would make our way to that apartment building your mother owned and we would sleep near the boiler room where it was warm. Sometimes we stayed in shelters, or friends would let us crash on their sofas.”
“Someone really offered you a modeling job?” Arthur asked.
“Gwaine and his big mouth,” Merlin chuckled, “Yeah, they did. I didn’t believe them. To me, modeling was just one step shy of prostitution. Selling your body legally. I wasn’t interested. They pursued me relentlessly for weeks.”
“I can understand why,” Arthur grinned, “You are beautiful.”
Merlin laughed, “That’s kind of what Morgana said and Percival told her that I am the male version of her.”
“Oh, no,” Arthur said, not going there. “Not after I just had sex with you.”
“Anyway, that is the story of my life…the condensed version.”
Arthur drew him into his arms and kissed him. “I am so sorry you went through all that. If I could find those people who hurt you…”
“I don’t even want to remember them,” Merlin said, “It’s in the past and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“How do you know Gaius?” Arthur asked.
“Oh, he was a close friend of my mother. She worked for him in his shop for many years. He showed her how to make all sorts of potions and remedies and she asked him to help me with my magic. He was never quite sure what to do with me. I drove him mad I think begging him for spells and to show me how to make myself invisible so I could play tricks on my mother.”
“You can do that?” Arthur asked raising an eyebrow.
“Nope, never quite mastered that one. That or teleportation. I always wanted to transport myself to somewhere tropical in the winter. Oh, and time travel…I dreamed of going back in time to see the dinosaurs and explore with the Vikings or go back and see what the world was like in the days of King Arthur and Merlin when magic was rampant.”
“That sounds like fun. If you ever do master that one I want to go with you.”
“Arthur…”
“Yeah?”
“Would you go out with me?” Merlin asked, “I mean on a date…you’ll have to pay of course because I’m flat broke.”
Arthur laughed and kissed him, “Absolutely, when we get through this mess. I am taking you out for dinner and a play and ice cream. Whatever you want. Maybe we could go ice skating, or take a drive somewhere outside of the city. We could even fly somewhere for a few days.”
“I would love all of that,” Merlin said, “I love ice skating.”
“I am not very good at it, but I would go for you.”
“Next week is Thanksgiving,” Merlin said.
“I forgot all about it. I usually go to Gwen and Leon’s or to Pendragon Manor for dinner with my father and Morgana.”
“I’m not sure what your father thinks of me.”
Arthur smiled, “When I spoke to him on the phone he apologized for ever doubting you. He said you are a good man and that we have his blessing.”
Merlin looked at Arthur in surprise. “He did?”
“Yes. He said you were willing to risk everything for me.”
“I was…still am,” Merlin nodded.
“We are going to get through this, we are going to build a life together,” Arthur said lightly tracing his thumb over Merlin’s cheekbone. “I can’t remember my life before you and I never want to know a life without you in it.”
“I feel the same way. Can I ask you something though? Mithian…did you love her? Would you still be with her if you hadn’t been shot?”
“I loved her on some level I suppose, but we were not a good match. Don’t get me wrong, she was wonderful and so beautiful and sweet. We had fun together, but it was not the forever love that I feel with you, Merlin. I have never felt like this before. You are everything to me. I hope you realize that.”
“I do,” Merlin smiled and kissed Arthur, “And you should know that you are the only person I have ever given my heart to.”
“And I have no intention of giving it back, Merlin,” Arthur smiled and rolled Merlin onto his back kissing him passionately. “You are mine and only mine from now until infinity, he said as he used his tongue to trace figure eights on Merlin’s chest and stomach.
Merlin pulled him up kissing him deeply. “We should sleep now, you need rest for tomorrow. Dad and Gaius said that the process of removing Willard’s programming is going to be physically and mentally hard on you. Especially if the bastard planted any fail-safes in your mind that will activate when they try to remove the post-hypnotic suggestions.”
“I have to admit I am scared,” Arthur said softly.
“I’ll be there with you through it all. I won’t leave your side for even a moment.”
“What if he comes back…that other me?”
“Then we will deal with him.”
“I just don’t want him to hurt you again, Merlin.”
“I don’t think we have to worry about him. Your mother’s switch seems to be holding, protecting you.”
“But you said it is only a band-aid, that it might not hold.”
“We will deal with it all tomorrow. You need to sleep, Arthur.”
“You’re going to stay here with me all night, aren’t you?”
“Well, I was planning to sleep on the sofa, but I had a much better offer,” Merlin grinned kissing Arthur. “I will stay with you.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too…now sleep.”
“Bossy…” Arthur smiled sleepily and closed his eyes.
“Sleep my love, sleep,” Merlin whispered kissing his lips then he laid his head on Arthur’s chest and closed his eyes.