Work Text:
“Doctor, are you the big spoon or the little spoon?”
The Doctor closed his book and peered over the top of it, his expression confused for only a moment. He glanced between Rory, who had asked the question, and Amy, who was sniggering ever-so-slightly.
“I’m one of those little forks that you use with chocolate cake. I like chocolate cake. And I like forks.” Amy rolled her eyes, trying to get a word in. “Very multi-purpose, you know–”
“He’s the little spoon!” River declared, sweeping into the room, a wide grin taking up more and more of her face by the second. “And don’t be fooled – he did understand the question, he just chose to play dumb…”
“I never play dumb,” The Doctor spluttered, suddenly flustered. “I am very clever, actually. That’s why me and Einstein got along so well back in 1066.”
“I don’t–” Rory started. Snorting, Amy looked at him with an expression most commonly worn by a preschool teacher, and Rory cut himself off with a weary eye roll. She raised her eyebrows towards the Doctor, a slight smile curving in the corners of her lips.
“You know, Doctor, you should introduce us to some of these famous people you casually bring up in conversation.”
The Doctor paused for a moment, cocking his head at her. Then, he jumped behind the TARDIS console, his face obscured from view. “Well, I would… but Einstein’s still grumpy that I wouldn’t give him unlimited access to the TARDIS sauna. This place isn’t a day spa!”
“How does he come up with this stuff?” River sighed gently, tracing her forefinger across the TARDIS console. It shuddered in response, always happy to see her.
“I’m being a hundred and eleven percent honest,” he grinned back at her, leaning back into view momentarily. River hummed casually. “Why were you asking about spoons, anyway,” the Doctor asked eventually.
Amy and Rory shared a look, clearly trying to force down their laughter.
“No reason,” Amy smiled sweetly, pressing her lips together tightly enough to withhold the secret, but not to hide her amusement. She whispered something to River, who broke down into a series of deep guffaws.
“Very true, my dear mother,” she smiled slowly. “Although, don’t let him know that.”
The Doctor scratched the back of his head irritably. “Is this how you talk about me when I’m not here, too?”
Amy grinned. “Where would be the fun in that? We reserve these conversations for the moments where they’ll irritate you the most.”
“Hmm. Fine, no that’s fine. I don’t need to know what you were talking about or anything. I’m totally okay with not being in on the secret…” He paused for a moment, considering. “Actually, no. This is my TARDIS. And I want to know the secret.” He pouted, and this time even Rory laughed. “ What ?”
“Oh, Doctor,” River sighed, and no one told him the secret.