Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the indigo air is clogged with the thick smell of perfume and antiperspirant. zack nudges his way through the thrum of warm bodies, his fingers desperately clutched around a red solo cup, which he holds high up above the mass of people. one girl bumps into him and warm liquid sloshes onto him. it’s sticky and smells like fruit.

his phone pings. he ducks through one of the hallways and finds a quiet corner before pulling it out of his back pocket.

aerith [11:49 pm]
where R u?

kitchen, zack texts back. groups of people are clustered all throughout the hallway, and he maneuvers around them as he squeezes into the closest room. someone’s playing music out of their phone, the song a direct contrast to the music that’s already blaring throughout the entirety of the house.

there’s a girl sitting on the counter, tapping boredly through her phone. empty pizza boxes and cans crowd the floors, but otherwise it’s devoid of people. zack feels himself relax slightly. he takes a sip from his watered down vodka and sprite.

“hey,” says a voice from behind him, and he turns to see aerith. she’s wearing a loose orange sweater and an elegant black pinafore dress. a thin sheen of sweat covers her forehead. when she talks, she has to project her voice over the music, so she’s basically yelling in his face. “have you seen jessie?”

“no,” zack says. yells. “have you tried calling her?”

“yeah, she’s not picking up.” aerith frowns. “last i heard, she wasn’t feeling well, so i figured we were gonna leave. but now i can’t find her.”

zack shrugs. he’s sweating, and his shirt is sticking to his back. “i’ll keep an eye out for her.”

“how about you? do you wanna head back soon?” aerith smiles tightly. “this party’s a little more crowded than i thought it’d be. which is usually fine, but…”

“i get it,” zack says. “i have a lab tomorrow, anyway. i can’t stay out too late.”

“okay. i’ll go find jessie. stay here, okay? that way i won’t lose you, too.” he can tell by her tone that she’s slightly joking, but there’s a tinge of nervousness to it.

“you won't," zack says, tender.

aerith squeezes back out into the hallway and vanishes from sight almost immediately. as soon as she’s gone, zack feels a sense of tepid loneliness creeping up on him. he glances at the girl on the counter, who’s now slipped headphones in and is tuning out the party entirely.

there’s a big package of solo cups on the counter, so many that they’ve spilled over. zack grabs an empty one and fills it with water from the tap, throws it back to help clear his head. he makes to dump the rest of his vodka and sprite down the sink, hesitates, then throws that back too.

zack checks his phone. aerith hasn’t texted him again, and she’s still nowhere to be seen.

zack [11:57 pm]
gotta pee
i’ll go right back to the kitchen after

aerith [11:58 pm]
okay!
don’t leave me for too long

zack [11:58 pm]
ur the one who left Me.

aerith [11:59 pm]
i was looking for jessie
i found her upstairs so we’ll be right down

zack finds the bathroom with minimal effort (he scoped out every potential solitary space when he first got here) and taps on the door. he hears nothing inside. it’s unlocked, so he pushes it open and slips inside, shutting the door behind him. the party’s blaring music immediately muffles through the walls, and zack releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

zack [12:03 am]
okay pls don’t leave without me.

aerith [12:03 am]
no promises :)

the lights are all off, so his phone screen illuminates a soft beam of the room as he feels around for the lightswitch. he finally spots it behind a rack of towels and hits it.

the room buzzes slightly as the overhead light struggles to turn on, flickering pathetically before bathing the room in a nauseating fluorescent hue. he sighs and undoes his fly. zack makes a mental note to ask aerith who’s party this is, because who the fuck willingly uses cold ass walmart lighting in their house, and turns around.

the first thing he sees is a lifeless, small body leaned up against the ugly grey bathtub. zack doesn’t scream, not exactly, but he makes a weird noise that sounds like someone just crushed his balls.

“fuck,” zack yelps. “oh fuck, oh-”

the body moves. zack freezes and stares at it, squinting, and relief washes over him.

“oh,” zack giggles, putting a hand over his chest. “you’re just a catatonic boy. thank god. i thought i was about to get framed for murder.”

the boy in question is staring at him with half-lidded eyes. his skin is pale as fuck, all sweaty and sticky. his blonde hair is sticking up in all sorts of directions and there’s oatmeal smeared all over the front of his white shirt. he certainly looks dead, or something close to it.

“are you okay?” zack whispers. the boy doesn’t reply, so zack takes a cautious step closer.

then he awkwardly tries to zip his pants back up, because the boy’s eyes glance downwards and zack quickly remembers that his dick is half out. “oh this old thing,” he says and immediately wants to die because why would he say that, “i- hold on.”

of course he snags it in the zipper, which ensues in another garbled scream, and the half-conscious blonde guy just helplessly watches it all happen because what the fuck is he doing to do otherwise. “oh my fuck i’m sorry i just wanted to pee, not on you obviously because i didn’t know you were there. i wouldn’t wanna pee on you anyway. i don’t mean that in a bad way, of course. i... forget it."

the entire time this is going on, someone has put on nightcore outside, so the walls are vibrating. people are whooping and hollering, and the bass is boosted so high that the lyrics are completely incomprehensible.

zack grits his teeth as he gets his zipper up properly. he squats down beside the blonde.

his pupils are dilated, and despite looking like a corpse, he’s kinda cute.

like a kitten. or a cat. same thing. okay, the rest of that vodka must have packed quite a punch.

“dude, your cheeks are so red..”

zack reaches out drunkenly and puts his hand against the guy’s forehead. it’s hot and greasy with sweat. zack kind of recoils internally but the guy leans into his touch, which is both endearing and terrifying because he looks like he’s rotting away. god he’s confused.

then the guy makes this awful sound. zack knows what’s going to happen before it does, and he helps the guy angle himself over the bathtub so he can retch into it. he does a pretty okay job holding his hair back, considering the timing of it all.

zack snags one of aerith’s spare hair ties from off of his wrist and ties the boy’s hair into a little ponytail. now that his hands are free, zack carefully reaches over and turns on the tub faucet, drenches his hand in cold water and presses it against the boy’s forehead.

“so that’s vomit on you, not oatmeal,” zack rambles dumbly. “i was wondering what kind of person would be inhaling oatmeal at a college party. how much have you been drinking?”

the boy says nothing at first, the tips of his ears tinged red. (zack later learns that, with cloud, this is the first sign of brimming affection.)

“too much,” the boy slurs.

“you need to drink some water,” zack asks, feeling very much like a mom in this moment. he re-soaks his hand and presses it against the back of the blonde’s neck. “do you have any friends with you? do you need me to call someone?”

“your hand feels,” hic, “really nice.”

“i bet it does.” the music switches to something much calmer, dreamier. zack feels slightly grateful. “but you didn’t answer my question.”

the boy doesn’t say anything to this. he retches again, and zack winces.

a shrill ringtone (fireball by pitbull) pierces the air. both boys jump, startled. zack gets a feeling akin to hearing his alarm in an environment anywhere outside of getting woken up by it. he scrambles for his phone and answers without looking, holding it between his cheek and shoulder as he runs his free hand under the cold water again. “hi aerith.”

“where the hell are you?”

“um, i can explain,” zack murmurs, trying to keep his tone soft in consideration of the retching boy. “unlike that time when i got my foot stuck in a toilet.”

“what’s going on? i hear something weird. are you sick?”

“not… exactly?” he reattaches his hand to the boy’s neck. “more like i'm giving a drunk baptism. anyway, why don’t you and jess head out to the car? i’ll be right out. everything’s fine,” zack adds as a frantic afterthought. “my foot is not stuck in a toilet.”

“are you sure about that, zack?”

“yes-” he’s abruptly interrupted by a series of knocking on the door. “um, fucking occupied,” zack calls out to them. “god. anyway, yeah. my foot is ultimately septic-free.”

“o…kay,” aerith says, sounding very much unconvinced. “well, we’ll be waiting out in the car for you. don’t be too long, okay? jessie really isn’t feeling good.”

“cloud?” calls a girl’s voice from the other side of the door. “are you in there?”

“yeahsuretalktoyoulateraerith.” zack hangs up and glances down at the boy.

“are you cloud? are you in here?” he whispers.

the boy shakes his head.

“no,” zack calls out. “cloud is not in here.”

he barely gets the words out before the boy retches again, and god is it chunky. zack gags a little and turns just in time to see the door opening. there’s too much going on at this point and zack’s inebriated brain can’t handle it all. so he just stares, wide-eyed, as a pretty girl pokes her head into the room.

her long, dark hair is tied up in a high ponytail. she’s wearing a long-sleeved white shirt, tucked into a plaid black miniskirt. large golden hoops hang at her ears and sparkle off the strobe lights outside.

thing is, this girl’s a total babe, but zack is obviously very busy helping this drunk guy he doesn’t know and being the mom he was always meant to be, so he fixes her with an impatient look. “um, hello.”

“oh my god,” the girl says, rolling her eyes. “there you are. i told you not to keep drinking, but do you ever listen to me? no.” she uses her hip to nudge the door shut behind her. “i’m so sorry, ah…”

“zack,” zack says, still glaring at her.

“zack,” the girl says, smiles. “i’m tifa.”

the boy dryheaves.

“i have this totally under control, by the way,” zack tells her as convincingly as he can. in his arms, the boy has gone completely still and zack can’t tell if he’s still breathing, but he pretends everything’s fine. “personally, i’m not a doctor, but my cousin’s aunt’s sister’s cousin’s dad’s grandfather is, so it’s totally genetic.”

tifa laughs like zack’s the cutest thing in the world. she waves her hand. “don’t worry. i can take it from here.”

“i think not,” zack says, feeling weirdly protective. “i am his mother now.”

“i’m his girlfriend.”

“oh okay well that changes things.” zack immediately releases him. the boy grunts as his forehead smacks against the ceramic tub, but tifa is staring at zack like a mother bear so zack does not care. he stands up and brushes his hands on his pants, like they’re tainted with cheater juice or something.

“haha well sorry i totally did not mean to just manhandle your boyfriend in the bathroom alone for twenty minutes just the two of us in here ALONE. anyway your outfit is so slay where the fuck is my phone. oh i’m holding it. cool. ‘kay bye feel better mysterious blonde man and good night tifa you’re beautiful-”

midgays and token straight biggs

zack [11:01 am]
and that’s what happened

biggs [11:09 am]
zack you’re so fucking stupid.
also how many times do i have to tell you people i’m not a token straight.

zack [11:11 am]
:(

aerith [11:12 am]
zack did you get me my coffee yet
also biggs are u not straight anymore?

zack [11:13 am]
im many things but a coffee running wife is not one of them

aerith [11:14 am]
zack that’s cute but if i don’t get my caffeine before 12 i will literally crush your balls

zack [11:14 am]
yes dear

biggs [11:15 am]
i am straight i'm just not a “token straight”.
i don’t like labels.

aerith [11:17 am]
its not a label honey, its just your position in our group

biggs [11:17 am]
yeah well it doesn’t make me feel very cool.
i’d prefer “cool straight” or “suave straight”.

jessie changed the group name to “midgays and the loser.”

biggs changed the group name to “our beloved friends who need no labels.”.

jessie changed the group name to “midgays and the token slay”.

biggs [11:20 am]
i dont like that one either.

jessie [11:20 am]
i cant take this shit anymore

jessie removed biggs from the conversation.

zack [11:21 am]
can someone please comfort me

aerith [11:22 am]
why do u need comforting babes?

zack [11:23 am]
why does nobody listen to me
i was holding back a girl’s bf’s hair and being a whore

jessie [11:25 am]
sounds like u were just being a good guy to me

zack [11:25 am]
but i feel like such a cheater

aerith [11:27 am]
i dont think thats how that works
if i were the gf i’d just be glad someone was there for him

zack [11:27 am]
yeah but thats u
u were one of the best girlfriends ever

aerith [11:29 am]
wasnt i your only gf

zack [11:31 am]
yeah and look how that turned out
you cant stand me

aerith [11:32 am]
the other day i listened to you cry about toads for 47 minutes

zack [11:33 am]
THEYRE SO CHUNKY

jessie [11:36 am]
zack i dont think u should worry too much
you’ll probably never see that guy again anyway

zack [11:37 am]
youre probably right :(
it’s a good thing i wont because he was hot

aerith [11:39 am]
didnt u say he was covered in oatmeal

zack [11:39 am]
chunky vomit and blueberry vodka*
but his muscles were sooooo nice id let him break my arms

zack [11:40 am]
OK thats the other thing, who drinks blueberry vodka thats so fucking nasty
i could fix him
but i wont cause he has a gf

jessie [11:42 am]
i’m just kinda curious, do u know what his name was?

zack [11:42 am]
ummm
i think she called out to him once but i dont remember what she called him.
OH
rock

jessie [11:43 am]
...............rock.
do you mean brock?

zack [11:45 am]
ew
no it was rock. im sure of it

zack [11:47 am]
the gfs name was tifa

aerith [11:47 am]
that sounds kinda familiar but idk why
i might have a 9 am class with her

zack [11:48 am]
if u do, pretend u dont know me. because im afraid of her

aerith [11:49 am]
ok
wheres my coffee

zack [11:49 am]
im bringing it to u rn
but i have to hurry, my lab starts in 10
todays the first one so i dont wna miss it

aerith [11:49 am]
ill meet u halfway
u didn’t drop botany right? i’ll see u later?

zack [11:50 am]
yeah i’ll be there

aerith [11:50 am]
awesome <3
hey im gonna add biggs back to the gc he keeps sending me crying cat pictures and it's making me sad

aerith added biggs to the conversation.

jessie [11:50 am]
welcome back token slay

biggs [11:50 am]
fuck you

when zack and aerith were planning which courses they should take during the fall, there was a lot going on. a lot going on means that they were in the midst of a break up that didn’t make any sense, because it was a bit of a shock they’d been together in the first place.

it was on a monday. he thinks. the details are fuzzy.

jessie had gotten her hands on a really strong strain of weed for dirt cheap. apparently flirting with your plug (going over to his house to hang out and waiting for him to fall asleep so you can steal his entire stash of hot cheetos and then climb out his bedroom window) has certain benefits.

anyway, it’d been strong. way too strong.

the next thing zack knew, he’d been sitting in the corner of jessie’s basement with an incredibly giggly aerith in his lap. it’d happened too fast, really, but the semantics of it all was that zack and aerith were, briefly, a thing. it ended after a month because zack is a lot to handle and aerith realized that men bore her.

not you though, she’d said to zack as they tearfully broke up with each other at the same time, in the middle of mcdonald’s, while biggs was politely telling one of the workers that zack ordered pickles on his sandwich and didn’t receive any (zack was too scared to tell them himself.) you don’t bore me.

so now, zack files in to his chem lab at 11:57 (after running to give his ex-girlfriend her caramel iced latte) and collapses into the last empty lab table at the back of the room. the professor gives him a weird look when he comes in, and he assumes it’s because he’s heaving.

the professor takes attendance early, passes out packets, and is about to shut the door when one other person walks in. when zack lays eyes on him, he squeezes his pencil so tightly that it bends slightly under his grip.

“you must be cloud strife,” their professor chuckles. “with one minute to spare, truly excellent.”

cloud strife says nothing. cloud strife’s also wearing an old, fraying black t-shirt with a band on it that zack doesn’t know but will probably look up later for no particular reason at all. the shirt hugs his broad shoulders, his tiny waist. his sunglasses are a deep black and swallow all of the light in the room.

cloud searches the class briefly before his eyes fall on zack, and it’s then that zack realizes the spot next to him is the only one left. the pencil splinters and snaps in zack’s hand, but zack doesn’t really care because he’s trying not to violently throw up all over.

his first instinct is to text aerith. of course, his phone is buried in his bag, so instead he just stares straight ahead as cloud makes his way over and sits down beside him.

they don’t say a word to each other. cloud has this seemingly permanent look of disdain on his face, which is intimidating and attractive and zack is slightly horny and very confused. cloud’s also freshly showered so he no longer smells like blueberry vomit. instead, he smells like honey and melon shampoo which is kind of a lot worse for some reason.

cloud slips his sunglasses off and sets them on the lab table, and zack doesn’t turn to look because if he does that he’ll end up staring into cloud’s eyes and that’s gay as fuck, so.

the professor starts talking and zack sees his lips moving but doesn’t catch a single word. his body is tense, every muscle coiled like he’s about to explode.

some semblance of a chemical formula is written on the board and it literally just looks like hieroglyphs. zack grabs a pen and scribbles it down. his brain is playing minecraft music on a constant loop and he doesn’t know why and he wants to sob.

“for the next hour, your team will work to complete the first task i’ve written on your sheets. it involves the chemical processes we’ll be studying for the next couple of weeks. i know this is our first lab, so if you have any questions please feel free to ask me. also, i do highly recommend that your team establish its own name, so yes, the ‘team name’ section at the top of your page must be filled out. as listed on the syllabus, teamwork is essential for success in this course.”

in zack’s mind, he is mining dirt. also, he has crafted two wooden pickaxes. beside him, cloud is staring at the front of the room disinterestedly.

“you’ll find your lab goggles underneath your desks, and your materials are in the back closet. if you think you’re missing something, please let me know, and good luck!”

cloud reaches under the desk and grabs himself a pair of goggles. he doesn’t grab one for zack, but that’s okay, because zack didn’t really want him to anyway. he grabs himself a pair and slips them on. cloud doesn’t put his on just yet, and they dangle around his neck as he peers at the packet.

zack slowly turns his head to glance at cloud, trying to be as discreet as possible. his neck cracks traitorously loudly.

cloud raises his head and turns to meet his gaze, and zack does exactly what he didn’t want to do, which is gaze very gayly into cloud’s glimmering blue eyes, which look like two shining sapphires.

he fights back a gag.

cloud frowns. “you’ll probably have to talk to me if you want to get this shit done.”

“yeah. okay.” zack nods, acting totally normal. “let’s figure out our, uh, team name.”

“what?”

“our team name,” zack repeats, strained. cloud’s staring at him like he’s stupid. “the professor just said we need to settle on one.”

“oh.” cloud peers back down at the paper. “well, i don’t really care. i just want to get this done.”

“same,” zack says with a forced laugh, as if he has not already thought of twelve possible team names. “same, dude, i don’t really care either.”

“don’t call me that,” cloud says without looking up.

zack feels lightheaded. “okay.”

“just write something. i’ll go grab the other shit we need.”

“okay.”

while cloud is preoccupied across the room, zack stares down at the paper until the words start swimming. he grabs a pen and, before he can overthink it, writes blueberry boys at the top.

when questioned about this later, he will say that he had a stroke.

cloud comes back with the materials. he sets them down on the desk somewhat abruptly and drops into his seat. then, once he’s settled, he looks down at the team name. then he lifts his head slowly to look at zack, who’s busying himself with readjusting all of the empty test tubes in the rack and not making any eye contact whatsoever.

cloud sighs.

“whatever.”

“you wrote what?”

“i had a stroke,” zack says to aerith, who’s stopped scribbling in her botany notebook to stare up at him in disbelief. “i’m serious. it was crazy. i just blacked out.”

“did you ever get ahold of that psychiatrist?” aerith asks, pointing her pencil at him. “i’m serious. i think you would benefit really well from talking to someone about how you process your emotions.”

“i actually happen to think i’m quite normal.”

“yeah, okay.” she takes a long look at the cluster of small plants they’ve been assigned to, and shakes her head. she writes something else down in her notebook. “i did some digging, by the way, while you were in your lab.”

zack raises an eyebrow.

“the girl you saw at the party was tifa lockhart,” aerith says. “i was right. she’s in my early morning art class. and she does have history with cloud strife.”

“well, i know that.” zack rolls his eyes. “that’s, like, my whole problem.”

“thing is, they broke up two years ago. they weren’t dating for too long, either.” aerith passes the notebook to him. “so they’re definitely not a thing now. absolutely not. can’t be.”

zack stares, confused. “but she said that she’s his girlfriend.”

“i know. but there’s no way. they’re really close friends, but they haven’t been dating since june of two years ago. and it’s… september now. two years later. so that’s…” aerith quickly counts on her fingers, “two years and three months. exactly.”

zack snorts. “did you really have to use your fingers for that?”

“i’m bad at math. shut the hell up.”

“no. you’re dumb. anyway, why would she tell me that she’s his girlfriend if she's... not? it doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“maybe she thought you were a freak and she wanted you to get away from him,” aerith suggests.

zack chuckles, waves dismissively. “nah, that’s-”

“or maybe you were being too clingy and hanging all over him, and it made her jealous.”

“i was holding his hair back while he projectile vomited all over a stranger’s bathtub. who’s party was that, anyway? did anyone ever clean up the vomit?”

“i don’t know, not important,” aerith says. “listen. the human heart is weird, zack. the tiniest things can set it off. like you, crying over toads. bursting into uncontrollable sobs when you see a toad is not something that should be considered normal. but you do it anyway. so i don’t know. maybe she just got jealous that you were so close to him or something. regardless of what you were doing.”

zack mulls this over for a second. he had been touching cloud’s neck a lot. “maybe.”

“i wouldn’t think too hard about it.”

zack hums.

“knowing you, though, you’re already thinking about it.”

“no,” zack says as he totally thinks about it. “um. something just isn’t adding up. if she’s his ex, then why were they at the party together?”

“um,” aerith says, gesturing plainly to the nonexistent space between them.

“oh. right.”

“you could always ask cloud about it.”

“um, i don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

“why not?” zack stares at her pointedly, and she scoffs. “oh, the blueberry boys thing? i’m sure he’s already forgotten about it.”

“he didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the lab, aerith.”

“you have to remember, he was probably violently hungover,” aerith reminds him with a heavy trace of uncertainty. “and you guys didn’t exactly meet under the best circumstances. i think there’s still hope for you, ‘cause tifa and him definitely aren’t together anymore. they can’t be. no way.”

"are you being weird right now?"

"what?" aerith lets out a strangled laugh. "no."

"you are." zack narrows his eyes. “you’re being weird. why are you being weird?”

“i’m not being weird,” she says, staring down at the grass and not making any eye contact. “i just think… it’s a tricky situation, that’s all. but maybe i can help. what’s cloud’s rising sign?”

“excuse me?”

“i want to compare your guys’ natal charts and see if you’re compatible. so, i need you to find out what cloud’s rising sign is.”

“i think this entire thing is just a huge, unfortunate accident, and we should just pretend that-”

“like, you’re a sagittarius.” aerith is already whipping out her phone, and zack knows that she’s already gone. lost to the astrological void. “so, the way i see it, i’ll look up all possible natal charts and try to correlate them with cloud’s personality.”

“oh jesus christ,” zack says, putting his head in his hands.

“did he strike you as like, a silent but loving type? adaptive? how do you think his libido is? that’s very important.”

“he was,” zack begins, and slowly spreads his hands for emphasis. “vomiting.”

“but he let you touch his neck, so that’s something.” aerith begins frantically tapping something down into her phone’s notepad. as she does, she mumbles something like check zack's natal excel spreadsheet for possible virgo slash taurus compatibilities. then, she eyes zack cautiously. “for the record, i hope to hell that he's not a taurus because that will clash with your free-spirited attitude.”

“i don’t think his astronomy sign will prove whether or not he’s a stuck up prick-” zack holds up a hand. “wait, what? excel spreadsheet?”

“astrological,” aerith corrects him sweetly. “and yes, it will. i also hope he’s not an aquarius because one stole my lunch money when i was nine and now i never want to meet another one again. and if i have to pretend to like an aquarius, i will actually go lie down in a road and let a truck run me over.”

“okay. i’ll ask you again. what excel spreadsheet?”

“zack, honey. you don’t need to know everything.”

“but you said my name,” zack whines.

“don’t worry about it.” she pauses and eyes him. “you don’t think he’s a pisces, do you?”

“oh my god.”

i did some digging was aerith’s way of paraphrasing. it had happened like this:

aerith arrives at her first class around nine in the morning. tifa lockhart is sitting alone at one of the giant desks, tapping something into her phone. she’s wearing an oversized black turtleneck sweater. her long brown hair is undone. she looks a little tired.

and zack was right, she’s hot as hell.

the seat next to her is empty, but not for long. aerith locks eyes with an auburn-haired boy across the room who has also spotted the empty seat next to tifa. she makes a cutting motion over her throat.

the boy makes for the seat, but aerith is faster because she dated zack, who is prone to fleeing when he’s done something bad. they both arrive at the desk in different intervals. aerith arrives first.

and tifa doesn’t look at him. of course she doesn't. instead she looks up at aerith, who’s smiling so hard that it kind of hurts.

“hi,” aerith says, strained. “can i sit next to you?”

“sure?” tifa replies. it sounds more like a question. probably because aerith looks slightly insane. but aerith will take any chance she can get. she sits down in the empty stool beside tifa and wholly ignores the auburn-haired boy, who sulks away.

“thanks,” aerith tells her. tifa returns her unhinged, glued-on smile with a slightly nervous, genuine one. she turns back to her phone. aerith pretends that she’s grabbing materials out of her tote bag, but she’s really glancing at tifa’s screen to see if she’s texting cloud.

she isn’t. the top of her screen reads barret. they’re talking about someone named marlene. aerith instantly relaxes.

their professor arrives shortly afterwards and begins covering the syllabus. aerith listens as best as she can, but in retrospect, the syllabus isn’t important. what is important is being zack’s spy, even if he’s not aware that she is.

luckily, tifa and aerith are the only ones seated at these desks. the obnoxious boy from before is halfway across the room. that makes everything much easier. now, their friendly conversation (interrogation) will go exceptionally better.

aerith is so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she doesn’t notice tifa has turned towards her. she feels someone poke her arm. tifa’s watching her with a small smile.

“i forgot my materials,” tifa whispers apologetically. “do you mind sharing for today?”

“that’s fine with me!”

tifa grins. “you’re the best. ah… what was your name?”

“aerith.”

“okay, awesome. i’m tifa.”

aerith nods thoughtfully, like she didn’t already know this information, because that would make her look weird. aerith doesn’t want to look weird. she can’t look weird, because it’ll ruin any chance she has at getting information out of this girl.

five more minutes of talking, and then the professor lets them begin their individual assignments. aerith starts working with charcoal. she likes charcoal, because the material is natural, and is relatively safe for the planet.

the two girls don’t speak very much for a while. they make awkward small talk whenever they reach for the same thing in the center of the table, where aerith has dumped her materials, but other than that it’s purely quiet between them.

aerith silently plots. is there a way to get this girl to start talking about cloud without it being weird? asking if she has a boyfriend would be a good start, but it’ll be weird if approached the wrong way. she could start by asking tifa more general questions. or maybe-

“i’m not sure why i signed up for this class,” tifa says out of nowhere. aerith startles. “i’m not that great at art.”

“you don’t need to be good, just… genuine,” aerith says honestly. “all art is subjective, you know? i started taking this class because i wanted to have fun with it.”

tifa pauses and looks at her. “are you?”

"am i...?"

"having fun with it.

“oh! i think so, yeah.” aerith meets her gaze warmly. for a moment, she forgets the mission. tifa examines her with soft dark eyes. “how about you?”

“i think so, too.” tifa laughs. “sorry. aerith… you have charcoal on your nose.”

“i do?”

“yeah. here, let me…”

tifa reaches forward with a gentle hand. aerith swears up and down that, briefly, the world stops turning.

she brushes her thumb against the tip of aerith’s nose, and then pulls away with a startled giggle. “oh no, i just made it totally worse.” she shows aerith her palms, which are also coated in a thin layer of black residue. “hold on. i think i have wipes in my bag somewhere. god, i’m sorry. i’m such an idiot.”

aerith doesn’t say anything, because her brain has temporarily stopped working. against her better judgement, she has a fleeting fantasy about marrying tifa and buying a strawberry farm with her in the countryside. then tifa’s passing her a wipe, and she pulls herself together before it’s obvious that she’s losing her mind. “oh. thanks.”

“no need to thank me,” tifa beams. “it’s my fault that you got all dirty.”

“um… yeah,” aerith mumbles stupidly. she shakes herself out of her reverie. her brain hums impatiently, and it sounds like zaaaaack. “ah… tifa, tell me about yourself.”

tifa ponders this for a moment. “there’s not too much to tell, i don’t think.”

“i doubt that,” aerith whispers.

“what?”

“nothing- continue.”

“okay,” tifa laughs. “well, i work as a barista during the week. i really love it. i’m a sophomore, my favorite color is yellow… also, i’m a capricorn.”

“interesting,” aerith says. she’s a libra. capricorns and libras are both marriage-minded and there’s typically high levels of trust between them. they’re natural opposites. typically, they’re considered incompatible but aerith has yet to learn of tifa’s other alignments, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing. no, she thinks that tifa and her could definitely make it work.

“do you have a boyfriend?” aerith asks. for zack, of course. “or, er… a girlfriend?”

“oh, no.” tifa waves a hand dismissively. “i’m single. i haven’t dated anyone in a while.”

aerith perks at that. the original point of this conversation begins to surface back within the folds of temporary tifa brainrot. “really? how long has it been?”

“a couple years.” tifa shrugs. “my best friend, cloud. total freak thing. probably shouldn’t have ever happened.”

“cloud strife,” aerith deadpans. she can’t believe her luck.

“ye…ah?” tifa asks, raising an eyebrow. “how’d you know?”

aerith backtracks, trying to look casual. “oh, just a guess. i think one of my friends has a class with him.”

“really! what’s your friend’s name?”

“kyle,” aerith says quickly.

tifa frowns, thinking. “yeah, cloud’s never mentioned a kyle.”

“he probably wouldn’t, kyle’s super weird. i barely even know him. he, um. he eats rocks.”

“that is a little weird.” tifa laughs. “but what about you? do you have a boyfriend? slash girlfriend,” she adds as an afterthought, eyeing aerith in a morbidly particular way.

“single. i am.” aerith coughs. “i prefer girls by the way.”

“do you?”

“yes.”

“me too.”

aerith clears her throat again, nearly choking on her own spit. “oh. awesome. okay. that’s… excellent. indubitably.”

“are you okay?”

“yeah,” aerith says. she makes a sound like pssh. “just going insane, that's all."

tifa laughs. she reaches over and puts a hand on aerith’s arm. “you’re funny. i think we could really get along. this is kinda weird, but do you think i could have your number? just in case i forget my materials again, or something?”

here’s the thing. aerith is not stupid. she’s well aware of the fact that tifa will be seated right beside her, for every single art class until the end of the semester. therefore, if tifa forgets her materials again, there won’t be any reason to text aerith, because they’ll be sitting right beside each other by the time tifa realizes.

aerith inhales deeply. she takes her phone out of her bag and passes it in tifa’s direction. “yes, of course. i would love to help you if you ever forgot your materials again.”

“great!” tifa punches her number into aerith’s phone, slides it back, and then passes her own phone to aerith in return. she’s named herself tifa! :3. aerith wants to name herself your lowly servant wife but goes with the safer option, aerith <3.

only after they’ve been dismissed does aerith realize that she still knows nothing about cloud strife.

Chapter Text

some facts about zack fair:

he’s twenty-three. when he was a kid, he dug up the lawn in front of his childhood house so that he could make a spa for frogs (a roughly four-inch muddy hole in the grass that never actually housed frogs, but was a breeding ground for mosquitos for a few months before his dad filled it back in.) he got bullied sometimes, usually by the same people, because he was too nice to ever say anything back.

he met aerith when he was fourteen. there used to be a creek by their old school, full of all sorts of things, like tadpoles and tiny fish and rocks. anyway, it’d happened quick: zack had been crouching above the cold water, and someone came up behind him and pushed him in.

before zack knew what was happening, they’d been shoved down beside him and a tiny girl, her brown hair pulled back into a long braid, was standing over them.

“you shouldn’t let them do that to you,” she’d said later, all serious, like a mother scolding her innocent child. zack had stared at her in lovestruck awe, his clothes still drenched, his palms still that tender raw-red color from the coldness of the water. “they’ll just keep doing it until you stand up for yourself.”

“it’s okay,” zack had said. because it was, because he didn’t really care about other people all that much.

he wonders if that’s why aerith has always been so protective of him, why they’ve always been tied together so tightly. for as long as zack can remember, aerith has always been a solid form beside him.

once, in high school, they’d gotten into a fight over something stupid and they didn’t talk for three days. then zack had found a new kind of flower growing on school grounds, this pretty little violet one, and he’d picked it from the ground and left it in her locker. she’d approached him later with that all-knowing smile, the kind of smile that didn’t look as good on anyone as it did her, and had told him that the flower was a weed.

the thing about zack and aerith is, they don’t really remember when they fell in love with each other, just that it kind of happened, and it goes deeper than the shadows of the earth.

a fact about zack and aerith:

they don’t keep secrets from each other.

until tuesday.

on tuesday, there’s a downpour. zack’s curled up on aerith’s couch playing minecraft, covered by about four different blankets. aerith’s sitting beside him on her laptop. they orbit quietly like this for about two hours, with zack’s head on her lap and aerith squinting at coursework. then, aerith sighs and snaps her laptop shut.

“i’m gonna take a shower real quick.”

“okay,” zack says, ultra-focused on minecraft, where he’s currently building a military base for his frog army.

about twenty minutes after aerith starts the water, zack feels something vibrating against his hip. he digs through the cocoon of blankets until he locates aerith’s phone.

“aerith,” he yells. “your phone is ringing.”

she yells something back, something like can you get it for me?, so zack answers the call and presses her phone to his ear. “hello?”

“hi? who’s this?”

it’s a girl’s voice, one he doesn’t recognize. zack is immediately much more interested now. he straightens. “uh, zack. who’s this?”

the girl sounds really confused and honestly, same. “tifa?”

“tifa?” zack repeats, momentarily stunned. “tifa.”

the bathroom door swings open at this exact moment. aerith steps out wrapped in a towel. she’s running a brush through her hair, looking like the picture definition of relaxed. of course, this changes when she locks eyes with zack, who’s now fixing her with a dark look.

she drops the brush. it clatters to the floor.

“yes?” tifa asks, sounding almost frustrated. “do i know you?”

“tifa,” zack echoes as he comes to the conclusion that aerith is an absolute traitor. she’s making her way towards him now, making grabby hands for the phone. zack pushes himself off the couch and steps out of her reach. “um, i think you know me. just not very well.”

after a moment of silence, where aerith is uselessly launching herself towards the phone, tifa gasps. “oh! zack from the party! i totally forgot about that. this is so weird. i didn’t know that you knew aerith.”

“apparently i don’t really know her at all,” zack says, giving his ex-girlfriend an empty, dead stare. aerith rolls her eyes, mouths give me the fucking phone and makes a violent gesture at him. he stares at her in disbelief and flashes his middle finger.

“this is actually great. so i actually met aerith in art class, right? and we’ve been trying to go out together for the first time, but it’s kinda awkward between us. but now i’m thinking that, maybe… maybe if she brought you along, it’d be better. i can bring my friend, too. the one who was throwing up. you remember him, right? cloud.”

“we’ve met,” zack mumbles bitterly. “listen, i think it’d be best if you and aerith went alone-”

aerith narrows her eyes quizzically.

over the phone, tifa sounds enthralled. “no way! it’ll be fun. getting cloud to go out in public is like… well, honestly, there’s nothing that can compare to how difficult it is. but i’m sure if you’re there, he’ll open up a bit. he’s really just a big softie and he needs to make more friends. you know what i mean?”

“i don’t think-”

aerith snatches the phone from his hand, nearly losing her towel in the process. she holds it steady and presses the phone to her ear. “hi, tifa! sorry about that.”

zack makes a face at her, incredulous.

“what? mm. yeah, i heard. i’d love to go out together. it’d be really fun. oh, yeah, for sure. zack’s been going on and on about cloud ever since meeting him at that party. yeah. mhm. okay. i’ll text you. see you then, tifa!”

aerith hangs up and narrows her eyes at zack.

in turn, he points at her accusingly.

“you betrayed me.”

“oh, please. tifa’s hot and i’m single. we knew this was coming. why did you touch my phone?”

“you told me to answer it!”

“why would i ever say that?”

“you said, can you get it for me?” he mocks, in a high-pitched shitty impersonation of aerith.

“i asked you to grab it,” aerith stresses. “can you grab it for me. why the hell would i ever want you answering my phone calls?”

“oh, sorry. maybe i was under the assumption that the person on the other end wouldn’t be the girl who i’m terrified of.”

aerith furrows her eyebrows. “because you manhandled her drunk boyfriend at a party.”

“ex!” zack shouts, throwing his arms up. “ex boyfriend.”

“right,” aerith says, looking painfully amused for some reason. “right, sorry.” she tosses her phone back onto the couch with a sigh. “well, now you have a chance to hang out with him outside of that cursed chemistry lab. you can thank me later.”

“i’m not coming along, if that’s what you’re implying. i’d rather hang myself from a tree outside.”

“sure you are!” she pokes his nose. “because if you don’t, i’m gonna send jessie those embarrassing pictures of you from last year’s halloween party. and if we know anything about jessie, it’s that she loves sharing media on the internet.”

zack gasps. “you wouldn’t.”

“you know i would.”

they stare unflinching at each other for a full seven seconds. zack’s the first to break eye contact. “fuck.”

“glad you agree,” aerith sings as she heads back to the bathroom to get dressed. “that makes this so much easier for me.”

zack glares at the back of her head. “that’s great.”

“i’ll figure out the details later, add everyone to a group chat. you know, the works.”

“i can’t wait,” he answers monotonously.

“oh, come on, zack. it’ll be fun!” aerith re-emerges from the bathroom in clean clothes, wrapping her hair up in a towel. “maybe things won’t be so awkward between you and cloud if you just let loose.”

“let… loose.”

“yeah. you know?” aerith beams. “give ‘em the classic zack fair charm. you’re naturally charismatic, so it’ll come easy. show him one of your secret talents. oh! the magic trick you can do with your thumb. the one where you, like, remove it. i love that one.”

“oh jesus christ.”

midgays and the token slay

jessie [1:04 pm]
who wants to go on an adventure with me

biggs [1:06 pm]
this doesn’t sound good.

jessie [1:07 pm]
shut up token slay

zack [1:07 pm]
what kind of adventure

jessie [1:08 pm]
i thought you were at aerith’s?

zack [1:08 pm]
i left
she, um. died

aerith [1:09 pm]
im currently in the process of setting him up with cloud
he got scared of my genius ideas and went home

zack [1:10 pm]
sometimes i can still hear her voice

jessie [1:10 pm]
weirdos
i dont understand you guys
anyway. i want a pet.

biggs [1:13 pm]
a PET?
how many fish have you killed now?

jessie [1:13 pm]
i don’t remember killing a SINGLE one

biggs [1:14 pm]
ok.
what happened to the one you just got?

jessie [1:25 pm]
so who wants to go to the pet store with me!

biggs [1:25 pm]
oh my god.

aerith [1:26 pm]
id go but i have to catch up on coursework :(

biggs [1:28 pm]
i don’t want to be involved.

jessie [1:29 pm]
as always thank you for your constant devoted support, biggs

zack [1:30 pm]
i’ll go
i have nothing better to do

jessie [1:30 pm]
excellent
i’ll pick you up in 20

aerith [1:31 pm]
what happened to needing to tend to your sick grandma, zack

zack [1:32 pm]
she doesnt need me anymore
shes fine

aerith [1:32 pm]
so you totally werent lying when you said ‘i gtg my grandmas sick’

zack [1:32 pm]
no i wasnt

aerith [1:33 pm]
you cant hide from me forever you know
we WILL discuss date plans

zack [1:34 pm]
cant hear you im in a tunnel

biggs [1:35 pm]
i thought you guys broke up?
gay people confuse me.
i don’t mean that in a homophobic way.
anyway… zack make sure to send me a picture of the fish she buys.
i’ll start writing its eulogy.

jessie [1:36 pm]
STFU

something that zack learns about jessie, very quickly, is that she drives like she’s consistently involved in a cop chase. on the way to the pet store, she blows through four stop lights and at one point, leans halfway out of her window to scream at a GMC that’s been tailgating her for five seconds and nearly falls out of the car.

so by the time they reach the pet store, in all its friendly pink-roofed glory, zack is gripping the grab handles so tightly that his biceps are throbbing. to make matters worse, jessie’s been blaring tokyo drift ever since she tore out of zack’s driveway, where she nearly took off before he’d even gotten in the car.

“what a rush,” jessie breathes as she parks the car (between two parking spaces.) “i love driving. it’s such a stress reliever.”

zack groans, keels over a little (still strapped in the passenger seat.)

“come on, zack, i wanna get a fish! what kind do you think i should get? i like betta fish, but i don’t like how i can’t get more than one because they’ll kill each other. actually, that gives me an idea. i could host a wrestling show for fish. is that too barbaric? i guess i could just get a goldfish. hey, do you wanna get burgers after? i’ll drive.”

“i’m good,” zack says automatically, raising a hand. still clammy and shaking, he unlocks his door and steps into the fresh air. “i think… i’ll drive us back.”

“why?” jessie asks, like he’s ridiculous for even suggesting such a thing. “you’re the guest, zackie. guests don’t drive.”

“let’s just get your fish and go,” he sighs, stepping through the automatic sliding doors. a wave of air conditioning hits them as they file in. someone tosses a friendly hello in their general direction, and when zack turns his head he sees two large, bulky dudes sitting at a white desk surrounded by stacks of paperwork and three computers.

the one who’s just greeted them is smiling widely, waving enthusiastically. his nametag reads wedge. the dark-skinned guy beside him is hyperfocused on typing something into the computer, one key at a time, not a smile to be seen anywhere. what strikes zack into oblivion is that his other arm is a giant turret.

“can i help you guys find anything specific?” asks wedge.

“yeah hi,” jessie says, shifting around zack so that she can head up to the counter. “thanks! i’m looking for-”

the computer makes a bad pinging sound and turret guy groans loudly, swiping his turret/arm in frustration. the thing is, it’s so large that it knocks one of the other computers straight to the floor. “shit!”

jessie and zack stare at the guy with a mixture of awe and horror. wedge doesn’t look even slightly fazed.

“what’s up? you look worried.”

“uh.” jessie slowly turns back to wedge. “the… computer?”

“oh, that’s fine. it happens waaay more than you’d think.”

the turret guy - zack sees his nametag now, barret - shakes his head and uses one hand to open a bottle of fiji water. he takes a long swig of it. “this lady will not stop emailing us about chicken sandwiches,” barret tells wedge with a scowl. “how do i tell her that we’re not arby’s? no matter what i say, she insists that i am arby’s.”

“tell her politely,” wedge says, still smiling. “also, can you call dell at some point so we can order a new computer again?”

“um, duh,” barret sighs, and begins painstakingly punching the keyboard one key at a time again.

wedge redirects his attention back to zack and jessie. “anyway. you were saying?”

jessie blinks. “i’m, uh, looking for a pet.”

“well, luckily for you, we’ve got tons of those. what are you looking for specifically? dogs? cats? rabbits? we actually just got in this adorable gecko that’s terrified of shakira.”

“a… fish. i think.”

“we got those, too,” barret tells her without looking up. “my daughter marlene loves fish. actually, we just had to hold a funeral for one. his name was swimmy. he loved beef.”

“do you have frogs,” zack asks, hyper aware of the waves of intense emotion suddenly radiating off of barret the guy with the turret arm. “because i’d love to, uh, go look at them. right now.”

“sure do!” wedge points towards the back of the store. “aisle 7. you can’t miss it. actually, you can, because there’s no sign to actually indicate where they are. but we recently moved everything around so they’re currently being held near the bird enclosure, which is just past the cat room.”

jessie blinks. “the cat room is near the… bird enclosure?”

“yes,” wedge says. he tilts his head in consideration. “i… huh. maybe that wasn’t one of our brightest ideas.”

“swimmy was such a good boy,” barret chokes out. “he used to chase his own ‘lil tail around ‘til he got tired.”

zack pats jessie’s shoulder and takes off for aisle 7. behind him, he hears jessie go: “i just killed mine, actually. that’s why we’re here. his name was steve.”

the store is a bit busy, with couples and small families crowded around in clusters. zack weaves between them as he tries to find aisle 7, which is difficult because, like wedge said, there really aren’t any signs indicating which aisle is which. he uses the merchandise as pointers, figures when he’s hit the terrariums that he’s almost in the right spot.

distantly, he wonders if he’s brought his wallet. would it be totally insane if he bought a frog? sure, he’d have to drop out of classes and start working full time to make sure it lived the happiest life it could, but some things are worth the risk. zack feels his pockets for his wallet.

nothing. maybe he left it in jessie’s car.

he pauses to admire a freakishly large snake, coiled around some greenery inside its tank. it watches him with eyes black as night. zack takes a quick picture of it and sends it to aerith with the caption me. she responds almost immediately with how’s ur grandma?, which he ignores. he turns the corner–

–and nearly walks into a glass beam. actually, it’s more like a giant cylinder inside the wall, lined to the ceiling with scratching posts and tiny cat houses of all shapes and sizes. it’s kind of like a tiny neighborhood, he thinks, and is about to head towards the reptiles when a door opens inside the glass room and his entire sense of self just completely crumbles.

cloud strife uses his arm to edge the door open, mainly because his hands are full with a gigantic bag of cat food. there’s a black and white tuxedo kitten balanced precariously across his shoulders. the kitten’s chewing on his hair. cloud looks mildly discomforted, but doesn’t make any move to stop it.

at his feet, an army of small kittens barrel into the room. they backflip over one another, all mewing overwhelmingly loudly, tripping over themselves as they try to race cloud to the food bowls lined up along the back wall.

zack can’t believe his eyes. he blinks hard. once, twice. cloud’s still there, except now he’s crouching down to fill the bowls with food. the tuxedo kitten lounges on his shoulders still, looking completely unbothered by the ravenous screams of its brethren.

cloud masterfully handles the kittens, who are now attempting to suffocate each other in order to get to the food. he uses one hand to fill each bowl and fends off the tiny but mighty creatures with the other. once he’s done, he sets the food off to the side. he lifts the tuxedo kitten from off his shoulders and sets it to the floor, and only then does it begin to eat alongside the others.

then he straightens, lifts his head, and locks eyes with zack.

neither of them move for a solid ten seconds.

cloud looks just as disbelieving as zack feels. he’s wearing a grey t-shirt that has the pet store’s name on it - the pet patch. zack’s still in his sweats and for some reason he feels like he should’ve dressed more professionally before coming along with jessie to buy a fucking fish.

who, speaking of which, he should get back to. right now.

but he can’t move. cloud kind of looks like he’s been caught doing something wrong, and for some reason zack can’t get enough of it. without breaking eye contact, cloud takes a step back. then another, until he’s heading straight for the door.

but the tuxedo kitten immediately catches wind of this, and tears off after him, mewing furiously. cloud looks freshly embarrassed as he scoops the kitten up into his arms, lets it climb up onto his shoulders again. zack watches this exchange like he’s in a dream.

cloud breaks eye contact and leaves the cat room, shutting the door tight behind him. zack takes a deep breath to steady himself. and then, without a second thought, he turns and sprints back to the front desk.

jessie is now leaning over the counter looking at a video that wedge has pulled up on the computer. it’s some meme of a puppy playing bongos. barret’s still a bit weepy over swimmy, but is currently on the phone with someone about the computer that’s very much decimated on the floor.

“oh, yeah. it’s…” barret turns to look at the computer. “yeah, it’s definitely broken.”

“jess,” zack pants. he puts a hand on her shoulder. “jess, we need to leave.”

“why?” jessie asks. she turns towards him with a fearful look. “did you eat something off the floor?”

“what? no.” zack shakes his head. “i told you guys i’d never do that again. not after i blacked out and you guys took me to that weird doctor.”

“the horse veterinarian?”

“anyway, we-” zack pauses. “you… you guys took me to a horse vet?”

“yeah? they’re doctors too.”

“but- you know what? nevermind. we have to leave.”

“but zack, i still haven’t got my fish! and look, wedge found this meme. it’s a puppy-”

“playing bongos, yes. i’ve seen it.” zack grabs her and angles her towards the exit. “we’ll come back. later. maybe. or never again. i’m still not sure yet. but right now, we need to leave.”

“okay, okay! jeez.” jessie shakes free of him and waves to wedge and barret. “i’ll be back, okay?”

wedge beams. “okay. see ya! come back soon.”

“jessie,” zack strains. he glances over his shoulder in search of cloud, as if the blonde is going to be scuttling towards them like a shadowy demon at the end of a dark hallway. still, zack isn’t comforted in the slightest when he doesn’t see him. the fact that they’re in the vicinity of each other is enough to make his skin crawl.

“okay.” jessie huffs. “let’s go. i’m driving, though. and we’re getting burgers.”

“whatever. yeah. let’s go.”

from: professor tseng [[email protected]]
to: zack fair [[email protected]], ...
cc: [all]
date: 14 september, 2:40 pm
subject: hello everybody!

hello, all.

i just wanted to send an email and remind everyone that, during this week’s session, we will be conducting a chemical experiment that is much different than the one conducted in our previous lab. it will involve combining different elements and, therefore, can result in minor explosives if not handled with the utmost care.

i trust that everyone is responsible enough to follow procedures accordingly. if there are any accidents during our next class, there is an emergency eyewash and safety shower station directly on-site and will be accessible to all students. please let me know if you have any questions or concerns. if you are unable to attend our next class, let me know and i will be happy to make any necessary accommodations.

thank you,

prof. tseng

"you're not seriously trying to find cloud's email in that list, are you?"

zack jumps. aerith is standing over his shoulder, peering distastefully at his laptop screen. he quickly angles it away from her and hunches over it protectively. "no."

"then what are you doing?"

"i'm merely replying to my professor," zack says defensively, gesturing vaguely to his laptop. "and i'll have you know that the information in this email is very confidential."

on the other side of the room, jessie laughs scornfully. "is it as confidential as your search history? because the other day you forgot to log out before you let me borrow your computer, and i've been meaning to ask you about that one silly little search result for tentacle-”

zack grabs a pillow from beside him on the couch and launches it in jessie's direction. she dodges it, narrowly, but it soars right past her and cracks biggs in the face. he drops to the floor like a heavy sack.

"tentacles?" aerith asks, amused. "in what context, my dear?”

"not important," zack seethes. he continues searching for cloud's email.

"i can still, like, totally see your screen by the way."

zack groans. he whirls around to glare at her. "i didn't invite you here, you know. actually, now that i think about it, i didn't actually invite any of you. why do you three always wind up hanging around at my house?"

"because we all live in dorms," jessie says plainly. "you're the only one of us who has their own apartment.”

biggs says something incomprehensible from the floor. whatever it is, it sounds like an agreement.

“speaking of which…” jessie surveys the apartment thoughtfully. “if i went back to the pet patch and got a fish, could i keep it here? i can’t keep it in my dorm.”

zack narrows his eyes. “why were you going to the pet store if you can’t have pets at your… you know what, i don’t care.”

"oh zack. don't act like you don't love having us around," aerith coos. she reaches over and pinches his cheek. he lets her, but pretends that he isn’t happy about it. "besides, what else would you be doing all day if you didn't have us to keep you company?"

"relaxing," zack mutters bitterly.

"yeah, maybe he’d find another video of tentacle-”

zack launches another pillow at jessie. biggs has started to stand, and it smacks him dead in the face again. he goes back down.

"what good would it do if you got cloud's email, anyway?" aerith asks. "it’s still, like, super awkward between you guys.”

zack chooses not to reply to this. for some reason, all he can think about is the tuxedo kitten balanced on cloud’s shoulders. also, he hates cloud. dumb, moody blonde fuck.

his laptop chimes with a new email: someone's replied to their professor. zack opens the email as soon as he sees the notification.

from: reno [[email protected]]
to: professor tseng [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 14 september, 2:45 pm
subject: re: hello everybody!

did we attach joe in this email

sent from my iphone

from: professor tseng [[email protected]]
to: reno [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 14 september, 2:53 pm
subject: re: hello everybody!

hi, reno.

who's joe?

sincerely,
prof. tseng

from: reno [[email protected]]
to: professor tseng [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 14 september, 2:54 pm
subject: re: hello everybody!

joe mama

sent from my iphone

"what does that mean?" comes a nasally voice from behind him. zack peers over his shoulder. biggs is standing there holding his nose, and next to him is aerith and jessie. all three of them are staring at his computer.

jessie holds up a finger warningly. "nobody tell him."

"wouldn't cloud's email just be [email protected]?" aerith asks after a moment. "just judging by the format of everyone else's?"

"i didn't even think of that," zack marvels. he opens up a new draft and types [email protected] into the addressee bar. the handle autofills to cloud strife.

biggs asks, "is that really him?"

zack bites his lip. “i don’t know.”

jessie tilts her head. "do you have a burner email you can use to send something to the address? just to verify it’s a real email?”

aerith facepalms.

from: president shinra [[email protected]]
to: cloud strife [[email protected]]
date: 14 september, 3:30 pm
subject: DONT DELETE THIS!!!

hello cloud strife

it's me the president sorry i had to send this to you or ill die (this is very real)

Once there was a a beautiful young girl who lived in a small town just south of midgar. Her parents had to go to town for a while, so they left their daughter home alone. She went to sleep after eating some delicious kids cuisine

But at one point, she suddenly woke up. She turned and looked at the clock...it was 2:30. She snuggled down again wondering what had woken her.....when she heard a noise. It was a dripping sound. She thought that she had left the water running, and now it was dripping into the drain of her sink. So thinking it was no big deal she decided to go back to sleep.

But then she got woken up again so she went to inveistigatite..... standing at the edge of the hallway was a guy. He was holding a water bottle and was drinking out of it because he was very thirsty and he was getting water all over the floor............. and he was evil

Now it is time for you to lock your doors. This letter is the only chain letter that is true. This did happen many years ago, and the man who drank all that water was never caught. If you delete this letter you will suffer the same fate as the girl in the story did, years after he drank the water he drank her blood. Do not dismiss this letter, because if you do, a horrible thing will become of you, everyone will soon know your name. But only because it will be the headline of your local newspaper for a long time. It will read... cloud Strife died in migdar! You can not chance your luck on a chain letter so serious as this. Give up your chance to send this letter to 23 people and you will be giving up your chance to live. You were warned. And now I bid you a good day. And one more thing... you only have 23 minutes... sorry

love
president shinra

the three patiently wait for aerith to finish clicking through the email. eventually, she lifts her head and fixes them all with a blank stare. “none of you know how to proofread, do you?”

“i could do without the judgment,” zack snaps. “besides, it’s not like it matters. it’ll most likely end up in his spam folder, so he’ll never read it. i just wanted to see if the email would send. which it did.”

“exactly!” jessie pats zack reassuringly on the shoulder. “there’s no way he’ll know it’s from zack, either, so now zack has cloud’s email, and we know it’s a legit mailbox. so if zack ever needs to, he can email him no problem.”

“you could always just ask for his number,” aerith sighs. “like any normal, sane human being.”

jessie scoffs. “what’s the fun in that? also, we all know how badly zack fumbled his bag the last time they were face-to-face.” zack pouts, and she waves her hand at him dismissively. “don’t look at me like that. we all know it’s true.”

“but,” biggs interrupts gently, with heavy emphasis on the t, “next time will go better. right, zack?”

zack nods. “yeah. now that we’ve kinda broken the ice, i think things will go much smoother.”

“are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

zack is currently holding two different tubes of very differently colored fluids. both he and cloud are wearing lab goggles. cloud is leaning back, trying to put as much distance between himself and the experiment (that zack insisted on taking over) as possible. zack’s tongue is poking out in concentration.

he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing.

“hell yeah i do,” zack tells him in full confidence.

due to extenuating circumstances, neither of them have mentioned the pet store incident. actually, they’re both taking a similar approach, which is to ignore that it ever happened. so zack doesn’t talk about it, but fuck is he curious.

but that’s fine. anything that happens outside of this room isn’t actually real, in the grand scheme of his and cloud’s relationship. that’s just how it is. obviously.

“zack,” cloud says, trying to sound as unthreatening as possible so as not to startle zack into doing something rash, as if he is a feral animal in the wild, “if you’re even slightly confused, we might want to ask professor tseng.”

“cloud, that’s quitter talk.”

“i don’t want to die,” cloud says with a note of irritation.

“we’re not going to. look. it says here in the packet that we have to combine Na… oh… nay oh…”

“sodium hydroxide.”

“yes.” without looking up, zack wiggles the NaOH vial in cloud’s general direction. “that. we have to combine that with this thing. i think. so, the way i see it, if we slowly pour these two chemicals together, it’ll… do what it’s supposed to, and we’ll be good to go. boom. see? and then the blueberry boys will be known thereafter as superior chemists.”

cloud cuts his eyes towards zack in disgust. “don’t ever say anything like that again.”

“sorry. okay, here we go.” his hands violently shaking, zack slowly combines the two chemicals. he holds his breath while he does so, and leans away from the mixture. they blend together quietly, and after a few tense moments, nothing happens.

zack releases a breath. cloud visibly relaxes, just slightly.

“ha!” zack says, shooting cloud a grin. “see? and you doubted me.”

cloud says nothing, and doesn’t meet zack’s eye. he squints suspiciously at the chemicals. “whatever. let’s just let him know we’re done.”

“gotcha, bro.” now reassured by the fact that nothing’s exploded, zack peeks down into the beaker. “huh. it smells kinda funny in there. kinda like-”

he’s cut off by the fluid, which spurts up directly into his face. it gets into his mouth, and everything starts burning. he barely hears cloud yelling for the professor before everything kind of just… fades to black. and-

“hey.”

when zack cracks his eyes open again, everything is overwhelmingly white. fluorescent lights temporarily blind him. and hovering over him, a detached look on his face, is a beautiful angel. the angel’s blonde hair looks slightly more unkempt than usual.

“an angel,” zack utters, reaching up for him. “am i finally here? in heaven?”

the angel slaps his hand away, annoyed. “don’t touch me.”

“cloud?”

the angel - cloud - rolls his eyes. “are you good? i kinda want to go home.”

“where are we? what happened?”

“you’ve been asleep for a hundred years. after you ingested those chemicals, you gained immortality and killed everyone in the room in a blind, confused rage. luckily, i’m also immortal, so i was able to fend you off and then put you in a coma to calm you down.”

zack stares at him.

“kidding. the chemicals that you mixed exploded all over you,” cloud recalls boredly. he sits down in an uncomfortable-looking chair besides the cheap medical cot that zack’s lying on. “you got some in your mouth, and then panicked so hard that you blacked out, so professor tseng had you sent to the medical wing. they washed everything out, so you’re fine.”

zack ponders this quietly. now that he’s grown somewhat familiar with his surroundings, he looks around. the deep, rich orange of autumn sunset pours in through the window above them. the walls are a stark white against the dusk. a fluorescent ceiling beam flickers brokenly.

cloud watches him with a tangible sense of alertness. sections of his hair are pinned back with little red clips. there’s a thin hospital bracelet looped around his right wrist. he’s dressed in long, mesh black shorts and a steel blue t-shirt.

it’s different from the outfit he’d been wearing earlier, during their lab. which tells zack that, at some point between their lab and coming here, cloud had gone home to change into something more comfortable. which means that he’d come here with intent to stay for a while. assumingly.

zack glances down, where coursework is sprawled all over the floor. along with a black laptop that’s undeniably cloud’s. he glances back up at cloud questioningly.

“so-”

“i haven’t been here long,” cloud snaps immediately. his shirt is creased and there’s the slightest hint of dark shadows under his eyes. “i just brought my laptop because i didn’t want to just sit here doing nothing in the short time that i was here. that’s all.”

“uh huh.”

“yeah.” the tips of cloud’s ears are beginning to look a bit redder than usual. “anyway. here’s your phone. you dropped it when you fell out of your lab stool.”

“oh.” zack accepts his phone from the blonde. there’s nearly 14 missed calls from aerith, 5 from jessie, and 7 from biggs. “thanks.”

cloud sighs. “your friend aerith has been texting you nonstop. i’m not sure how she found out that you’re in the medical wing, but they stopped allowing visitors a couple of hours ago. so she’s kinda pissed off.”

“then how are you here?” zack asks.

“don’t worry about it.” cloud rests his chin in his palm. “let’s just say i’m good at negotiating.”

“okay.” zack tries to fight off a smile. “so you weren’t worried about me at all?”

“no.” cloud avoids eye contact. “i just don’t like owing people favors.”

zack tilts his head. “do you… owe me any favors?”

“not anymore.” cloud begins packing up his laptop, still refusing to look him in the eye. “you helped me, so i helped you. we’re even now.”

“helped you?” zack ruminates faintly, and blinks. “are you talking about the party?”

“if that’s what you think i’m talking about, then that’s your prerogative.”

“what else would you be talking about?”

briefly, the events from the pet shop flashes through cloud’s brain. zack’s not a mind reader, but it’s written all over the blonde’s face suddenly. a sick sense of excitement thrums through zack at the sight of it.

before he can revel in the show of embarrassment for long, though, cloud glares at him. “drop it.”

“okay, okay.” zack holds up his hands in surrender. “but just so you know, i wasn’t expecting anything in return.”

“why else would you do it, then?”

“do what?”

“help me.” cloud’s face burns slightly. “people don’t usually do that unless they want something.”

there’s a particular expression on cloud’s face that makes zack feel conflicted. on one hand, he wants to pull the blonde into a bearhug and shield him from the complexities and cruelties of the world. on the other, he wants to softly persuade cloud to elaborate.

but zack doesn’t have the chance to do either, because they’re interrupted. a nurse raps her knuckles softly against the door and pokes her head in. zack looks up at her, and cloud glares at the floor, his cheeks reddened.

“hi, guys,” she says with a soft smile. “zack fair, i’m happy to see that you’re feeling better now. your friend here was worried about you. we’re not supposed to keep visitors for this long, but he was just so persistent.”

“we’re not friends,” cloud tells her impulsively.

“oh.” the nurse blinks, confused. “sorry, sweetie. your… boyfriend.”

neither of them says anything to that - how could they, read the room - so the nurse obliviously descends into a lecture about not eating chemicals, which zack nods along to politely. she tells him to drink lots of water, make sure to take the supplements they’ll be sending him home with, and if they could hurry that would be great because they don’t have enough budget to get another bed and there’s other people who will need it.

she wishes them a good night and closes the door. the moment she’s gone, cloud stands and rapidly begins shoving the rest of his things into his bag. he stiffly turns towards the door, but zack reaches out and grabs his wrist.

“wait.”

cloud turns to him tensely. “let go of me or i swear to god, i’ll cut your hand off.”

“a bit dramatic for no reason but okay.” zack releases him, and cloud sulks quietly. “cloud, i think we got off on the wrong leg. can we start over?”

“you mean foot.”

“huh?”

“you said the expression wrong. it’s ‘got off on the wrong foot’, not leg.”

“whatever.” zack rolls his eyes. “you’re not helping.”

cloud’s face has masterfully reassembled into one of complete disinterest. he watches zack blankly as he pulls himself off of the cot.

“i think we should just start over.” zack stands so they’re face to face, and is briefly enamored by the fact that he’s a few inches taller than cloud, who has to tilt his head slightly upwards to look him in the eye. “is that okay? we could be friends.”

“i’m good.”

“i… i saw you in a room with a bunch of kittens,” zack blurts, unable to control himself. “that kinda changes things. for me, anyway. i’m still dying to know-”

“forget about it,” cloud seethes. “i help out there sometimes. the pay is okay. it’s not a big deal or anything.”

“it’s just, i don’t know. you seemed awfully close to that tuxedo kitten.”

“he likes the kibble that i feed him. that’s all. drop it.”

“okay,” zack tries again, clearing his throat. “anyway. acquaintances. we could be acquaintances.”

cloud raises an eyebrow.

“rivals? enemies? i’m fuckin’ trying here.”

“we’re lab partners,” cloud says, unamused. “that’s all we are.”

“okay. that’s- okay.” zack says, glad that the discussion is over with. he considers impulsively shaking cloud’s hand - to immortalize this new development - but doesn’t get the chance, because cloud turns without a word and leaves the room.

Chapter Text

New Group Chat

aerith [9:02 am]
hey everyone!!

unknown number [9:03 am]
hi :)

aerith [9:03 am]
so i think i’ve narrowed our dates down to either the arcade or the ice skating rink
tis the season

unknown [9:04 am]
i want to go ice skating! i’ve never been
also the mere thought of the boys ice skating is…

aerith [9:06 am]
omg
yeah i thought it could be quality entertainment

zack [9:07 am]
who are you people
well aerith i know you

aerith [9:08 am]
good to know the chemicals didn’t damage your brain
that much

zack [9:08 am]
how did you even know about that

aerith [9:08 am]
tifa told me

unknown number [9:09 am]
that’s me, i’m tifa, hi

zack [9:09 am]
how did YOU know about that
also hi
i’m sorry again about manhandling your… not boyfriend

unknown number [9:10 am]
cloud told me :)
also lmao yeah sorry about lying about that
it’s a situation

zack [9:10 am]
what does that mean

tifa [9:10 am]
hey speaking of which cloud’s in this chat too. cloud say hi
he probably won’t
it takes him forever to reply to texts on his flip phone
also he hates talking to people

aerith [9:11 am]
his…

zack [9:12 am]
flip… phone

tifa [9:13 am]
yeah lol

unknown number [9:18 am]
There is nothing wrong with flip phones

tifa [9:18 am]
CLOUD
omg hi!!!!

unknown number [9:20 am]
Bye

tifa [9:13 am]
WAIT
are you cool with ice skating

zack [9:17 am]
...

aerith [9:29 am]
....

unknown number [9:40 am]
No

tifa [9:42 am]
awesome it’s settled we’re ice skating

aerith [9:43 am]
IM SO EXCITED

zack [9:44 am]
im not

aerith [9:44 am]
no one cares babe

tifa [9:44 am]
i care zack
but i wanna go ice skating
is tomorrow cool with you guys

aerith [9:45 am]
yes

zack [9:45 am]
no

tifa [9:46 am]
cool! :) see you guys at the rink at noon

“zack, let go of the door.”

“you can’t make me go in there,” zack howls. he’s currently grappling at the front doors of the skating rink, his fingers curled like talons against the hinges.

aerith is poised behind him, jaw clenched, hands wrapped around his waist, violently trying to dislodge him. it’s hard for her to get a good grip on him, considering his thick sweatshirt and knee-length coat.

everyone in the immediate vicinity is staring at them.

“zack.”

“no!”

“sometimes in life,” another violent tug, unsuccessful, “you need to do difficult things that you don’t want to do—”

“help,” zack yells at a startled woman who frantically ushers her child away. “help, this woman— she’s trying to kidnap me—”

“would you knock it off?” aerith hisses. she stops tugging for a moment, considering her options, before reaching up and tickling zack under his arms instead. it takes about ten seconds before he lets go of the doors and aerith launches him inside the building like a greco-roman wrestler.

of course, everyone inside is watching them, too.

including tifa and cloud, who are standing in line to grab skates: from where she’s now pinning zack to the floor, aerith glances up at tifa and smiles.

“hi,” aerith says, breathless.

cloud shoots tifa a weird look. “did you just whimper?”

“okay, zack,” aerith says, her tone low and threatening. “i’m gonna need you to be a good boy now. because i am trying to go on a fun, relaxing date—”

“you didn’t have to bring me along,” zack says into the floor, muffled. “i don’t even like cloud that much.”

“you’re the most confusing person i’ve ever met, do you know that?”

he does. he really, really does. zack figures that this is kind of his own fault, considering he failed to explain to aerith exactly why he’s so adamant on staying away from cloud. but what could he have possibly said to her?

thing is, even if him and cloud will never get along, aerith is depending on him. they’d formed a plan to hang out as four long before the last time zack and cloud had spoken, back at the infirmary — zack has never been the type to let aerith down. and she’d wanted him here, right?

he’d let the world drop like stone before putting anyone, including himself, before her.

zack sighs.

“yes.”

“god.” aerith exhales. “i’m gonna get off you now. okay?”

“okay.”

“okay.”

aerith releases him, slowly relieving pressure until they’re both sitting upright, panting on the floor. glaring at each other. nobody would believe it, but they love each other more than the earth loves the sun.

“anyway.” aerith gets to her feet. she cracks her neck and turns to tifa. “hi. sorry about that. so, when did you guys get here?”

“we—” tifa croaks, looking extremely confused and turned on for some reason, “um, about fifteen minutes ago.”

“oh, us too! we just got held up in the parking lot for nearly ten minutes.” aerith shoots zack a venomous look, then quickly recovers. she considers tifa’s yellow sweater and black skirt with an all-knowing smile. “i like your outfit.”

tifa grins at this: it seems they’ve planned matching outfits, considering aerith’s little sunshine dress and black corduroy jacket (she borrowed it from zack without asking.) “where did you get that dress?”

“online, i think?” aerith spins cutely. “you like it?”

“of course. you look cute.”

“i could say the same about you, you know.”

the girls trail off into conversation, the rest of the universe falling away from them. aerith reaches out to play with one of tifa’s earrings, and in return, tifa laughs and runs a fingertip along the other girl’s arm.

yes. for aerith, zack can put up with cloud for a couple of hours.

zack glances up at him from his place on the floor. the blonde’s watching him like he’s a lump of flattened roadkill on the side of the highway.

“cloud.”

“zack.”

he briefly thinks to himself that cloud’s eyes look very lovely and blue in this lighting. it’s a quick thought, impulsive, doesn’t mean anything, he fucking swears. zack straightens to his feet.

…maybe it’s not just the lighting, actually— his black shirt kind of brings out the blue, so—

“why are you looking at me like that?”

with horror, zack realizes that they’re matching, too. zack’s sweatshirt is grey, cloud’s sweatpants are grey — cloud’s shirt is black, zack’s coat is black. it’d be kind of a cute coincidence if the circumstances weren’t the way they are.

“i wasn’t looking at you,” zack scoffs, ripping his eyes away from cloud’s muscles. “someone needs to have their ego checked.”

“at least i’m not dressed like i’m preparing for a hundred year winter,” cloud snaps back, his cheeks tinged crimson.

“it’s an ice rink. you do know what ice is, right?”

“you do know what a fist in your face would feel like, ri—”

“okay,” tifa emphasizes, materializing out of nowhere with two pairs of skates. she shoves one pair at cloud, giving him a warning look. behind her, aerith is carrying two other pairs: zack takes his. “we’re going in now, okay? can you guys go five minutes without killing each other?”

“no promises,” they say at the same time, which causes them to glare at each other again. for some completely unknown reason, zack feels a thrum of excitement.

cloud breaks eye contact first so that he can roll his eyes. he pulls away from the others, heading for the rink.

aerith follows behind him, and if zack pays close enough attention, it looks like she’s trying to talk to him. the blonde turns to give her an annoyed look, but not with nearly enough venom as before — moreso, like a cat with its ears pressed flat against its head.

good. truly, zack has no idea what he’d suddenly be capable of if cloud dared to make aerith upset.

slowly, tifa and zack follow suit.

“hey,” zack says to her, once the other two are out of earshot. his stomach turns nervously. “i didn’t… do anything to cloud, did i?”

“oh zack,” tifa sighs. she reaches up — he needs to angle himself slightly to make up for the height difference — so that she can pat him on the head. “no. it’s just… a bad situation. that’s all. but i really appreciate the fact that you’re trying. i know he can be kind of…”

“unbearable?”

“difficult,” tifa says with a smile. “but he’ll come around, i promise. he wasn’t… he wasn’t always like this.”

zack hesitates a second before pushing the matter. “what happened?”

“um,” tifa begins, and when she tips her head to look up at the ceiling lamps, her eyes shimmer darkly. “he used to know this guy who was kind of… unhinged.”

“unhinged like… how?”

they reach the door to the skating rink faster than he’s expecting. zack reaches out and holds it open for tifa, and the cold air glosses over them. aerith and cloud are sitting a fair distance away still.

zack suspects that aerith grabbed the closest seat to cloud on purpose.

their heads are ducked down as they put on their skates, but aerith is animatedly talking and, despite looking permanently annoyed, cloud is listening attentively, his head angled in her general direction. zack watches them with a feeling akin to a guard dog.

“he doesn’t really like to talk about it much,” tifa murmurs. she’s watching the other pair, too, but with an atmosphere of something much more despondent. “but it was terrible. they never should’ve met. the guy was really controlling and manipulative. um, verbally threatened him once.”

“verbally threatened?”

“yeah. he...” tifa sets her mouth into a thin line. “um. threatened to kill cloud’s… mom.”

zack’s mouth goes dry. “what.”

“y—yeah. so, um, cloud’s been in a bad way ever since. obviously.”

“well yeah,” zack says, stunned. “how does something like that even happen?”

“i don’t know. she’s fine though. alive and well, thank god.” tifa sighs. “if something had happened… i simply can’t imagine the irreversible damage it would’ve caused. anyway, it takes him a little while to trust people, so. as you can probably imagine, the whole incident just made everything so much worse.”

“is that why you told me you guys were dating at the party? to keep me away from him?”

“kind of,” tifa says, laughing sheepishly. “mainly to keep him away from you. he gets a little… um, eager, i guess, when he’s drunk. and knowing him, he probably would’ve done something stupid to try and forget— um. what happened. i didn’t want him getting hurt again.”

“oh,” zack hums. “well, lucky for all of us, he was puking all over the place, so nothing happened.”

he’s only joking a little. zack’s hands are shaking, so he clenches them at his sides.

“you’re a good guy, zack,” tifa tells him. she reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder. “i’m really grateful that you’ve been so patient with him. i’m sorry that everything’s so confusing, and—”

“just out of curiosity, what’s this guy’s name?”

tifa blinks.

“well—”

“are you guys going to keep standing there talking or are you gonna join us?” aerith shouts, interrupting them. zack and tifa’s heads snap up.

aerith’s standing in the rink, one hand on her hip. cloud’s standing close by, mainly because he’s holding her other hand to keep himself balanced.

zack stares at their interlocked hands for a beat too long, then lifts his eyes to stare at aerith in disbelief. she smiles innocently.

quite frankly, he shouldn’t be as shocked as he is. aerith has a heart of untarnished gold: tethering someone as emotionally damaged as cloud must come as easy as a paper flower unfurling in water.

“we’ll talk later,” tifa tells zack, her eyes heavy on cloud and aerith’s hands. “cloud, what do you think you’re doing? that’s not your date.”

“no shit,” cloud says pointedly. “get over here.”

tifa comically staggers over to the rink, her skates making any sort of normal walking impossible. she steps out onto the ice and the girls reach for each other — slowly, aerith releases cloud’s hand and catches tifa.

again, watching them, it’s clear that the rest of the world kind of melts away. aerith and tifa are two asters, blooming in the sun of each other. tifa says something and aerith throws her head back laughing, dumb and in love with it all.

cloud watches tifa with a strange look, like falling in love all over again, unselfishly so. zack understands because he sees aerith in the same shades and hues, a love so brave that he doesn’t need to be the one receiving in order to feel it.

zack slips out onto the rink. it’s a bit hard to get his footing. he uses the side wall to balance himself. it’s only after a few seconds that he notices cloud is kind of frozen on the ice, exactly where aerith left him, his arms stiff and unmoving.

“um,” zack begins, unsure. “are you—”

“i’m fine,” cloud says.

“that’s… great to hear. i’m glad. so i don’t need to help you, then?”

“no,” cloud affirms, looking paler by the second.

“hm.” zack watches him carefully. cloud’s clearly trying to plan out how the hell he’s going to reach the side wall (the only vantage point of safety in the room now that aerith is off with tifa.) uncertain, the blonde’s gone eerily still.

when zack can’t bear to watch him panic any longer — he does wait about fifteen extra seconds to bask in the morbid amusement of it all — he slowly pushes himself off the wall and circles over to cloud.

“i told you i’m fine,” cloud tells him as he edges near.

“i know,” zack says. “i’m not here for you. the rink doesn’t belong to you, you know. i can go wherever i want.”

cloud watches him darkly, the tips of his ears reddened. slowly, naively, zack is beginning to suspect that it’s not from the cold.

then, like clockwork, cloud’s leg twitches out from under him. except, of course, zack’s there to catch him, which he does so easily, mainly because cloud doesn’t put up nearly as much of a fight when he’s about to fall on his ass.

within this exchange there’s a horrible moment, laid out bare in the center of the rink, where cloud is completely at zack’s mercy. zack’s hand is pressed into the cavity of cloud’s lower back, and cloud’s body leans against him, riding a dangerous verge of trust.

this close, zack can make out the feathery, almost untraceable freckles kissing cloud’s cheeks. the faintly hollowed out shadows of his face, the startled blue of his eyes.

repressing every urge to say something unbelievably stupid, zack pulls cloud back up to safety.

once he’s regained his footing, cloud wraps both hands in a death vise around zack’s forearms: despite being flustered, it’s still apparent that he can’t move at all on the ice. zack would snort at him if his own heart wasn’t stuttering like it was trying to smoke itself out.

“i didn’t need that, but thanks,” cloud tells him as he gains his composure. and truly, internally, it’s the first time that he’s had any form of composure since being exposed to the ice.

“sure,” zack relents, all-knowing. “so if i were to let go of you—”

cloud refuses to look him in the eyes. “no.”

“huh?”

“don’t let go.”

zack sucks in a tight breath. he’s acutely aware of the lingering closeness between them, the increasing reluctance to pull away.

the tip of cloud’s nose is rosy and looks really cold. zack feels something, deep within him, splinter wildly.

“i won’t.”

“guys, look!” aerith shouts, blissfully aware of this second intimate moment she’s intruded upon. the boys lift their heads to watch her across the rink, where she’s begun jumping over the painted lines inked into the ice. tifa stands a short distance away, her phone out, recording.

in zack’s arms, cloud sighs deeply. zack glances away from the girls to eye the nearest exit, where a few people are removing their skates and heading back into the main building.

zack mumbles, so quietly that there’s absolutely no way cloud can hear him, “i don’t really know how to ice skate, to be honest.”

cloud replies, so quietly that there’s absolutely no way zack can hear him, “me neither.”

“it’s also, like, so cold out here.”

“yeah.”

“i guess we could… well, i don’t know.”

cloud glances up at him curiously, betraying himself for just a moment. “what?”

“we could, like, ditch the girls and go get hot chocolate or something.”

“only if you swear not to talk about it afterwards,” cloud says.

“talk about what?”

for a split second, zack swears that cloud smiles.

“you didn’t tell me that you don’t have any fucking money,” cloud seethes as the two of them are walking side by side, away from the vendor, styrofoam cups in one hand and skates dangling from the other.

zack chuckles evilly to himself, taking a sip from his cup. it’s really hot and scalds his tongue but he doesn’t react because if he does, that means cloud wins. “well, aerith usually pays for me, so…”

“i’m not aerith.”

“but you did pay for me.”

cloud narrows his eyes at this, but doesn’t argue. he also takes a long sip of his hot chocolate, and if he burns his tongue too, he doesn’t show it at all. in fact, he goes in for a second sip. “consider it payback, then.”

“for what?”

cloud frowns. the post-embarrassment from freezing up on the rink briefly flashes across his face.

“you know what.”

“i do?” zack asks, amused.

“shut up.”

they walk in silence for a time, not looking at each other. it seems they have the same idea, though, because together they walk back out into the cold room of the rink, and together they climb up into the stands and take seats right next to each other.

for a time, they just watch aerith and tifa spin each other around. then zack glances over. cloud has both hands wrapped around his styrofoam, sapping the warmth from it. his fingers tremble. “are you cold?”

“no.”

zack glances at his bare arms, which are prickled with goosebumps. “you’re shivering.”

“and you’re annoying.”

zack rolls his eyes. he shrugs out of his coat and passes it over. “here.”

cloud looks at the article of clothing like it’s a severed limb. “i’m not—”

“i have a sweatshirt on,” zack reminds him as he takes a sip from his own cup. “just take it. it’s fine. i won’t talk about this afterwards, either, if that’ll make you shut up.”

cloud squints a little, unsure, but then he eventually reaches over and puts on the jacket. “talk about what?”

“you catch on fast.” zack’s teasing, but it immediately makes him feel better to see cloud’s little tremors stop. he thinks he sees cloud tilt his head downwards slightly and sniff the jacket, but then zack convinces himself that he’s just having a stroke and has hallucinated the entire thing.

“thanks,” cloud says, very quietly.

“you’re welcome,” zack returns, somewhat fondly. it seems that cloud’s eager to let the conversation die after that, but zack is quick to sweep it back up. “so, about that kitten at the shelter—”

cloud takes an unbearably deep breath. he shuts his eyes, but not in time: zack is close enough to detect the rapid, vulnerable trace of love before it’s out of sight. “didn’t i tell you before that it doesn’t matter?”

“have you named it?”

“him,” cloud corrects, unable to stop himself. to make up for this, though, he cuts zack with a vexed look. “you’re not supposed to name animals that you work with. it gets you attached to them.”

“oh. right,” zack says, patient. “i didn’t think about that.”

“of course you didn’t.”

silence crashes over them like the moon. out on the rink, there’s a little girl who strayed too far from safety’s edge and has started crying. aerith and tifa are currently trying to coax her into taking their hands so they can guide her back.

“his name’s fenrir,” cloud mumbles, chagrined.

zack smiles, unable to control himself. “he likes you.”

“he likes food,” cloud replies with a shrug. “how do you even know that? you only saw us for a split second.”

how, indeed? zack recalls that, back when cloud had caught his eye and tried to leave the cats to their own devices, the tuxedo — fenrir — had ditched the food entirely to give chase to him. and zack hasn’t had a ton of experience with cats himself, but what he does know about them is that they usually only pick one person.

when he finally pulls himself out of his reverie, cloud’s watching him closely. the little girl from before has taken tifa and aerith’s outstretched hands, and she’s laughing now.

zack shrugs. “just a feeling.”

as they’re returning the skates back to the front desk, tifa turns to look at zack and aerith. “are you guys going to reno’s party tonight?”

the two exchange a look between each other. it feels like, did you know about it? which, of course, is an immediate no. if they had known, they would’ve already talked about it. such are the complexities of knowing someone better than you know yourself.

“we didn’t know there was a party,” aerith replies. “are you going?”

tifa nods. “yeah. i probably won’t be staying too long, though. if you wanted to tag along, i could pick you guys up later.”

“that sounds fun,” aerith says.

tifa raises an eyebrow. “so… both of you, then?”

the natural inclusion of both zack and aerith comes as a comfort to the both of them. aerith glances up at zack quizzically, but her eyes are already shimmering with excitement at the thought of spending more time with tifa. therefore, imperceptibly, zack nods before he can stop himself.

“yeah,” zack says. “i’ll go, too.”

“awesome.” tifa smiles. “it’ll just be me, ‘cause cloud’s skipping out on this one. he—”

“i’m going,” cloud cuts in.

tifa frowns. “i thought you said reno annoys you.”

“i never said that.”

“yes you did. you said—”

“nope,” cloud says as he starts to shrug out of zack’s coat. tifa rolls her eyes, exasperated.

zack shakes his head. “keep it.”

“i don’t want it.”

this time, it’s zack who rolls his eyes. “just for now, dummy. it’s cold out.”

“what about you?”

“sweatshirt,” zack reminds him, ever so patiently, lifting his oversized sleeves for emphasis.

“i’m sorry, did i miss something?” aerith asks innocently, glancing between the two of them. “it’s just that i was sensing a lot of tension before, so…”

“i’m just borrowing his coat,” cloud tells her, his typical irritation tamped. “he wouldn’t shut up until i did.”

zack perks at this, because that’s not how he remembers the conversation at all. if his memory serves correctly, cloud had barely said a word before accepting zack’s coat. but when he opens his mouth to argue, he notices cloud’s narrowed eyes, the warning in his gaze.

so before he himself knows what he’s doing, zack finds himself saying, “only because you wouldn’t shut up about being cold.”

“i really didn’t want it to begin with.”

“then take it off,” zack challenges, one eyebrow raised.

“well, there’s no point in that now, considering you want me to keep wearing it.”

“so you do want it.”

“keep telling yourself that and maybe it’ll come true.”

and the most confusing part about this interaction is that, for a millisecond, cloud looks pleased. it’s the strangest dynamic, playing cloud’s little game, but something about it is new and exhilarating: this strange, unfurling secret shared between only them.

as tifa bats cloud on the shoulder, hissing between her teeth to be nice, zack is starting to realize that he’s slowly getting the hang of it.

Chapter Text

“zack, is my eyeliner even?”

“huh,” zack says blankly, his eyes trained on the tv. he finished getting ready for reno’s party almost two hours ago and has been playing minecraft ever since. onscreen, he’s assembling a giant warship for—

aerith steps in front of the tv, her hands on her hips. she’s changed her outfit seven times. this time, she’s decided on high waisted heather jeans, chunky white sneaker wedges and a black sweater that matches her smoky kohl eyeshadow.

zack lowers his controller and squints at her. “you’re in my way.”

“is my,” aerith echoes, leaning in close. she’s wearing the softest hint of peach perfume, and zack hasn’t felt romantic towards her in years but, the way she looks right now, he can’t believe that tifa isn’t a constant ball of nerves around her. “eyeliner. even.”

“looks good to me,” zack tells her. he has no idea where to look for the eyeliner.

“okay,” aerith says, pulling away. she sighs deeply. deep breath in, deep breath out. “okay. god, i’m nervous. tifa’s gonna be here soon. jessie and biggs are already there, so we’ll meet up with them when we get there, and—” she trails off. “zack, don’t tell me you’re wearing that.”

zack glances down at himself, unsure. “what’s wrong with it?”

“a red polo and black pants? baby, you look like you’re about to go in for a shift at target.”

“i don’t have anything else to wear,” he whines, throwing his head back against the couch in distress.

“well, you can’t go looking like that. it’ll make me look bad.” aerith considers him thoughtfully. “oh! i know. go upstairs and grab that white sweatshirt. the one that shows off your abs.”

“the whore one?”

“the cropped sweatshirt, yes,” aerith groans. “and hurry. tifa’s gonna get here any second now. your pants are fine, so don’t change those. we don’t have enough time.”

zack throws his head back in protest again, but tosses his controller to the side and sulks his way up the stairs. it takes him a few minutes to find the sweatshirt — slung over a hanger in aerith’s closet, buried behind countless other pieces still bearing tags — but eventually he changes into it and trudges back down.

aerith’s going absolutely insane, restlessly pacing around her living room. only when the golden highbeams of tifa’s car peek into the house does she get her shit together. “god, okay. okay. one last time: how do i look?”

“hot.”

“well, obviously. but do you think tifa will think so?”

“duh. why are you all worked up? you just saw her this morning.”

“i don’t know… just nerves, i guess.” aerith rolls a glossy peach tint over her lips. she beckons him forward, and when zack leans in, she smudges some gloss onto her thumb and rubs it onto his lips too. “here. for cloud.”

suddenly, zack’s heart is a live wire. he recoils, face simmering. “that’s not— there’s no way in hell that we’re gonna—”

“kidding.” aerith grins, delighted with herself. “makes you look hot, though. let’s go. they’re waiting.”

“you look stupid,” is the first thing that comes out of cloud’s mouth as zack piles into the backseat.

tifa leans over and elbows the blonde, hard. she’s wearing a tight little black dress, her hair done up in twin pigtail buns. a smear of silver highlighter glimmers across the bridge of her nose as she turns around in the driver’s seat to smile at zack and aerith.

“hi guys. aerith, you look so hot. i could eat you whole.”

aerith swallows deeply enough where zack can audibly hear it. unfortunately he is preoccupied with punching the back of cloud’s seat as hard as he possibly can.

cloud stares straight ahead into the windshield, unperturbed, his head bouncing off of the seat. silver darkshines glisten across his nose, matching with tifa — also, he’s still wearing zack’s coat. zack starts to wonder if he’s ever gonna get it back.

“i’m so glad you guys came along!” tifa exclaims as she pulls out of the driveway. “i was just thinking to myself, the first time we all met was at a party, too. although it was under totally different circumstances.”

“you mean cloud throwing up all over himself like a toddler,” zack supplies from the back.

tifa tries to interject, but it’s already too late.

“did you take a shower before you got in the car?” cloud asks. “i can smell you from up here.”

“that’s probably you, considering you haven’t changed clothes since we all left the ice rink.”

it takes a second for zack to think that one up, because he indiscreetly (very awkwardly) angles his head downwards so he can smell himself really quick. just to be sure. not that he would have an odor to him, considering that he doused himself in antiperspirant before he left aerith’s because he knew cloud was going to be there so—

cloud scowls. “i did change. the coat’s covering my clothes.”

“yeah, okay. so when are you gonna give that back to me, by the way?”

“as soon as you shut the hell up.”

“because, if you’re planning on stealing it from me, you might as well—”

“okay,” tifa and aerith both bellow at the same time, reaching over to cover each ex-boyfriend’s mouth, respectively. each pair has an intense glare-off with each other, but when the girls release them again, they stay quiet.

reno’s isn’t very far away, apparently, but for some reason it feels like they’ve been stuck in the car for days. aerith and tifa fill up the tense silence with small talk — conversations about their art class, mainly; some stories that they have yet to share with each other.

tifa tries to get cloud involved, but he’s in an irascible mood for whatever reason and is staring mercilessly out the window. still, there’s a grunt or two peppered here and there. when nobody’s looking, zack glances at cloud’s reflection through the side mirror and considers what tifa had told him back at the rink.

knowing him, he probably would’ve done something stupid to try and forget what happened.

is that why cloud had been so drunk when they’d first met? had he been trying to escape the past?

“cloud lives right near here, too,” tifa says as they pull onto a side street. in the distance, cars are piled on either sides of the road. there’s one house at the very end of the street with all its lights on — people are littered around outside holding red cups, neon glowsticks around their wrists and necks.

“do reno’s parties ever drive you insane?” aerith asks cloud quietly. “he always throws such big ones.”

cloud shrugs one shoulder. “we’re usually at them when they’re happening, so.”

“throwing up?” zack asks, ever the annoying. cloud turns his head, slow, to give him an insufferable look.

tifa finds a makeshift parking spot between two trucks. it’s really not a viable parking spot at all, considering that she has to practically launch her car up on the curb in order to fit between them. the car jolts violently when she crosses over — zack slams his head off the window and hears cloud expel air through his nostrils more violently than usual.

“sorry!” tifa says, her eyes wide as she turns to face zack. “are you—”

“i’m good,” zack says, embarrassed. and he is good, mainly because aerith has habitually leaned over to check on him already. usually the attention wouldn’t embarrass him this much, but cloud has also turned to look at him and zack simply can’t let cloud win.

once they’re settled (and the ringing in zack’s ears steadily passes) the music from reno’s party is overwhelmingly tangible. he can feel the air thrumming with it as he follows aerith out of the car.

he walks around the side and almost bumps into cloud, who’s lingering a little too long, head poked around to see if aerith and zack are out yet. now that his full body’s in view, zack quickly notes the bare legs underneath his coat, the bunched-up white socks and black sneakers.

zack squints down at him, scrutinizing. he glances around quick to make sure they’re alone.

“tell me you’re not naked under my coat.”

“wh—” cloud splutters, mortified. “no!”

“it’s, like, twenty degrees out. what are you—”

“are you two done?” aerith calls out. they lift their heads to find both girls standing a distance away, waiting. tifa swings her car keys around her finger, a sly grin on her face as she studies them. the moon is high and catches the light of her highlighter in a way that makes her glow.

as cloud heads over to them, his matching silver highlighter does the same. zack watches him for a moment, mesmerized to the spot in the driveway, before following suit.

they don’t make it very far into the door before two people are darting over: jessie and biggs, glowsticks wrapped around every limb possible. they drag someone else behind them, and it takes zack a beat too long to realize it’s wedge from the pet shop.

“cloud!” wedge exclaims, once they’re close enough. “i didn’t know you were gonna be here, too.”

cloud’s eyes light up with recognition, but he forces himself to be cool about it. zack’s not sure why this makes him smile, but he’s deduced it to one of two options. either the sudden front is amusing, or zack is feeling a weird sense of pride that he’s suddenly able to pick up on it.

“so you’re cloud,” biggs says, extending a hand like a forty year old man who’s just met one of his buddies at the dollar store. “i’m biggs. also, i’m very straight.”

jessie rolls her eyes.

“uh,” cloud replies, unsure. imperceptibly, he takes a shy step behind tifa. biggs drops his hand, choosing instead to cross his arms over his chest and pretend the last ten seconds didn’t just happen.

“sorry,” zack steps in. “he’s a bit shy.”

“i’m not shy,” cloud hisses, ruffled.

“so,” wedge begins pointedly, flashing cloud a wide smile like the sun, “fenrir ate both breakfast and lunch today. he still won’t touch the new food on its own so i tried to mix the usual in with a little bit of the new stuff, and he ate it no problem. he definitely missed you a lot today, though. you’ll have to play with him lots when you come in next week to make it up to him.”

cloud looks slightly embarrassed, but it’s clear that love for fenrir takes priority. “what about dinner?”

“barret’s on it. he told me to come out and have fun. well, specifically, he said: ‘go be young, do crimes, do whatever it is you BLT people do.’”

“BLT?” tifa asks, for clarification.

“LGBT. he still isn’t exactly solid on the initialism.”

“oh.” tifa glances over at aerith, who’s hovering awkwardly. she makes quick work of introducing her to wedge, who reciprocates with a goofy peace sign, and then soon enough they’re lost in a conversation about animals and the environment.

“reno has a space for coats,” jessie whispers to cloud, who’s looking a little lost amidst the sudden group that’s surrounded him. “upstairs. i can take you over, if you want.”

“it’s fine. reno can deal with my coat in his closet,” cloud says.

“i didn’t realize you guys were so close.”

“i promise you, we’re not.” he unbuttons zack’s coat and slides out of it — with their size difference considered, it’s literally as if he’s pulling himself from an article of clothing meant originally for a medium-sized bear.

when the last of it is free from cloud’s body, zack nearly falls to his knees in the middle of the floor.

cloud’s wearing a fucking skirt. a fucking brown checkered skirt, and he’s been wearing it underneath zack’s coat this entire time and zack is so normal about this, it’s insane. zack has never been more normal about anything in his life. his hands are clammy suddenly and it feels weirdly hot in the room but he is so cool and he’s positive that everyone in the room is jealous of how cool he is, how absolutely fucking together he has it, and—

aerith taps his arm to get his attention.

“you’re panting,” she informs him quietly.

anyway.

the skirt hangs loosely off cloud’s tiny waist, just barely reaching the top of his knees. an oversized black shirt covers his upper torso, tucked into the skirt messily, and chunky black rings adorn his knuckles.

zack hadn’t noticed them before but he definitely fucking does now, mainly because cloud nonchalantly reaches up and fixes a stray lock of blonde hair that’s flopped into his face as if he hasn’t just upheaved zack’s entire world.

and by the steel glance that cloud hands him afterwards, it’s so painfully obvious that cloud’s done this all on purpose, just to mess with zack. to toy with him, really, because cloud sizes him up then, right in the middle of the group, as if daring him to do something about it.

zack can’t. he won’t. his cheeks are too hot. he’s too flustered to play their little game and he realizes in this moment, cloud’s won. it appears cloud knows this, too, because he stretches his arms lazily over his head and turns to talk to wedge as if zack isn’t staring.

he swallows thickly, turns to talk to jessie. this is how he figures out, at the same time as her, that biggs is staring emptily at cloud, like a moth trapped in a lantern.

“biggs?” zack asks, waving a hand in front of his dazed face. “yoo-hoo. helloooo?”

biggs blinks. “what?”

“yup. 100% certified straight,” jessie says, triumphant at last.

“what?” biggs asks, gasping. “you think i’m staring at— no. no? i am simply… admiring the color of his skirt. zack, you’re telling me that you’ve never simply admired someone’s clothing just because you like it?”

jessie snorts. “i don’t think zack’s the best person to ask, considering he would like to get inside it.”

“alright,” zack says pointedly, cutting her with a heated look. jessie raises her hands in surrender, a daredevil grin peeking through the cracks.

they chat with each other for a while more like this, until it becomes obvious that seven people standing in the middle of the doorway does absolutely nothing but annoy everyone around them. integrating with a mass of bodies isn’t exactly zack’s strong suit, but he feels a lot more comfortable once they’ve found a couch in the corner and aerith passes a red cup of something into his hand.

he sniffs it. strawberry something.

“what is this?”

she shrugs. so does he.

“i think we should play a game,” jessie exclaims once everyone’s settled. “like—”

“no.” biggs points at her warningly. “not hot takes.”

jessie frowns. “why?”

“the last time we played hot takes, you almost got us killed at that bar and i woke up shirtless in the middle of some fucking clearing. i literally thought i’d gotten abducted by aliens.”

“that was because you took way too many of my edibles. also, i never wanted to fight that guy, remember? he wouldn’t stop coming after me for some reason.”

“your ‘hot take’ was literally ‘i want to fuck your mom.’”

jessie makes a noise like pssh, waving a hand at him. “fine. no hot takes, then. we can be boring and play never have i ever.”

cloud groans dramatically, crumpling against the couch with a scowl.

“i don’t need input from the peanut gallery, thanks,” jessie tells him. “unless you can think of something better.”

cloud frowns. “not really.”

“okay, good. let’s rip this shit wide open, then.” jessie snaps her fingers at aerith, who automatically starts rifling through her purse in search of something, pulls out a lighter. zack’s confused for maybe half a second before jessie pulls a thickly rolled joint from her jacket pocket. “who wants to go first?”

“i’ll go,” tifa says, venturesome.

jessie grins at this. she holds out the joint between her thumb and index finger, inviting tifa to lean across the space between them — aka cloud — so that tifa can put her lips on the bottom of the joint while jessie holds it there for her and snaps the lighter to life.

the sight of tifa halfway in cloud’s lap makes zack fester slightly, and for his own sake, he pretends not to realize why. across the way, cloud relaxes slightly, baby blues smug and focused solely on zack.

his legs part ever so slightly to give tifa more room and zack stares at the fresh, vicious space he’s created, hates himself for it.

“here’s how this works,” jessie says as she lights the joint. “i call this passing the torch. you play your turn, and then hold the joint like this for the next person. it’s a courtesy thing, yeah? we’ll do that ‘til this thing’s burned up and then we’ll move on to the next one.”

“start slow,” aerith tells tifa, wary. “jessie’s weed is pretty strong.”

“i think i’ll be okay,” tifa says, lionhearted. she takes a slow, steady hit and moves back, taking the joint with her. “oh. why does it taste like… fruit?”

“flavored rolling papers,” zack says.

“yeah, the first time zack ever hit one of my joints, he thought he was dying because he couldn’t stop tasting watermelon.”

zack turns his head to glare at jessie. “thanks for sharing that.”

“i could’ve mentioned the part when you ripped your pants off and tried to crawl into the bonfire.”

biggs gasps. “i forgot about that. why were you crawling, again?”

zack sighs. “i couldn’t feel my legs. and for the last time, i wasn’t trying to crawl into the bonfire, okay? i was just cold.”

aerith ruffles his hair. “zack, baby. we all know that’s a lie. you said you saw the spirit of your childhood dog and—”

zack slaps her hand away. “enough.”

tifa’s eyeing the joint with an air of suspicion, now. she turns it this way and that. “uh—”

“you’ll be fine, though!” aerith leans over to pat her leg as reassuringly as she can manage. “zack’s not… normal. you have a bit more sense than him, i hope.”

jessie sighs. “okay, okay, let’s get on with it. the joint’s burning away to nothing.”

“hold it,” says another voice. they all look up to see a red-haired guy standing over them, his black button-down partially undone and collar popped. they’d recognize reno anywhere, but what makes him most recognizable is the bigger guy with sunglasses standing right at his side, as if there’s an invisible cord forcing them together at all times.

reno surveys the seven of them with a look of utter disbelief. “um, hello. welcome to my party. i can’t believe you all made yourselves so comfortable without even a word to me when i’m the one who’s hosting, and—”

tifa extends the joint to him.

reno promptly hops over the couch with one hand and lands between zack and aerith. “okay fine i’ll take one hit. what about you, rude?”

the sunglasses guy — rude — clears his throat. he’s wearing an oversized christmas sweater with a snowdusted farm and very green christmas tree on it. “reno, shouldn’t we get back to—”

“relaaaax!” reno angles his head upwards to gaze very fondly up at him. “one hit and then we’ll go decorate the tree. okay?”

“you’re decorating a tree?” biggs asks, incredulous.

reno jabs a threatening finger in his direction. “if rude wants to decorate a fucking christmas tree during my party then by god he will decorate a christmas tree during my party.” he finally takes this time to consider the rest of the group, which is when his gaze falls on cloud. “nice skirt, strife.”

“i wear it better than you ever could,” cloud says, spiced, as if this is common knowledge. zack wants to fucking break him.

“THE JOINT,” jessie stresses, as if she’s seconds away from death. “PLEASE. BEFORE I DROP DEAD ON THE FLOOR.”

reno plucks the joint from tifa’s outstretched fingers. “i’ll take this one, sweetheart.”

“don’t hurt yourself,” tifa says dryly.

“are you kidding? do you know how much weed i smoke? this joint ain’t gonna do shit.”

“never have i ever shoplifted a ceiling tile from walmart and then got fucked raw in the parking lot,” reno giggles, slumped back against the couch. he’s now dressed in a christmas sweater, identical to rude’s, that rude has been patiently waiting to pawn off on him for several hours.

“you…” biggs’ eyes are bloodshot and extremely squinty as he stares at him. “how did you steal a ceiling tile?”

“long story,” reno slurs, holding the joint out for zack. zack’s lost count of how many joints they’ve cycled through now, his brain fucked beyond all recognition, but he reckons that this might be the seventh or eighth one. he blinks, hard.

“put your mouth on it, bitch,” reno instructs.

zack leans over and takes another hit, the world swimming in deep hues when he dips his head. his mouth has never felt so dry. and his thoughts are moving so slowly that, when he moves his mouth to speak, he almost forgets what he’s saying as he forces the words out. “never have i ever… fuck.”

“we already know you’re a virgin,” jessie drawls, eyes closed. she’s leaning against biggs’ arm for support.

tifa — assuming her position as the designated driver and mom of the group — has only taken two hits herself, so she’s busy passing a bottle of water around.

“shuddup,” zack mumbles, swiping for jessie’s arm and missing completely. (they’re on opposite sides of the couch.) he momentarily gets fixated on the sparkling christmas lights strung up on the walls. “never have i ever… mm… man, i’m running out of stuff to say.”

“just say something,” wedge says from where he’s lying face down on the floor.

“never have i ever… gotten broken up with in a mcdonald’s.”

aerith raises her hand with an airy giggle.

“i won’t ever understand your relationship,” biggs tells them, for perhaps the hundredth time.

cloud’s been staring down at his hands with half-lidded eyes for about twenty minutes, but he now lifts his head to squint dizzily at zack. “you’re a virgin?”

“i’ll go get more water,” tifa says after passing rude the last of the bottle. “zack, would you mind tagging along?”

rude unscrews the cap (there is no cap) and then pours it into his mouth (narrowly misses and effectively soaks the front of his sweater.) he stares at the stains for a solid minute before saying, damn.

“zack?” tifa asks, then. “i’m gonna go get more water for the group. will you come with me?”

“yeah, sure,” zack says, mainly to get away from reno, who’s stuck in a vicious cycle of giggling and reaching out to rude, trying to cop a feel.

this isn’t the issue, surprisingly. the issue is, every time he leans over to be horny, he elbows zack in the ribs.

they leave the others and make their way through the mesh of bodies — zack, hopelessly tumbling through delirium and tifa, holding his hand to make sure she doesn’t lose him. she keeps watch of him so casually, like it’s second nature to her.

zack’s pretty fucked up (he’s currently trying to count to 10 and it’s escaping him what comes after 6) but he’s still dully aware of her kindness. he wonders how many times she’s done this dance with cloud, who drinks to forget, who has a heart of stone and gold.

“you must do this a lot,” zack says once they’ve slipped through the final wave of partygoers.

tifa shrugs a shoulder at him. “once or twice. hey, zack?”

“yeah?”

she comes to a leisurely pause, but zack’s depth perception is incredibly off and he winds up nearly colliding into her anyway. he throws out his arms to better root himself to the floor.

“i’m a little worried,” tifa says, hushed. thoughtful. “about you and cloud.”

she says it without turning to face him which, if zack had been sober, may have made him feel a little more alert than it does so now. zack tilts his head, faintly confused. “huh?”

“it’s just…” at her sides, her hands curl into two tense fists. “i don’t want him getting hurt. and you’re so sweet, zack — you are. please don’t take this the wrong way. but i am so, so worried about you accidentally hurting him.”

zack frowns. the room is spinning slightly around him, but he’s focusing as hard as he can on tifa’s words. “why… why would i hurt him?”

“it’s just a feeling. the way he looks at you, it’s so much like…”

he echoes her. “like…”

“ah… forget it. i might be overthinking.”

zack narrows his eyes, his brain still for the moment. “are you jealous or somethin’?”

“no!” tifa gasps, turning wildly to face him. she shakes her head. “no, i’m not jealous. and i totally understand that cloud’s relationships are none of my business, really, i do. but watching him splinter from the outside is… hard. especially when i can do something to prevent it from even happening in the first place. am i making any sense?”

“kinda,” zack says, immensely truthful and immensely faded.

“i… think it might be too early for cloud to get into any sort of relationship. that’s all i’m trying to say. it has nothing to do with you as a person, or what your intentions may be, although i’m sure they’re all pure. i’m just worried about him.”

“oh,” zack says, breathless all of a sudden. he feels her words heavy in the center of his chest: an arrow fired through the center of a sunflower, the impact stripping it of its yellow petals.

tifa makes to reach out and take his hand, but thinks better of herself. she chews on the inside of her cheek. “um… i know you guys should just do whatever you want, regardless. he’s just… twisted up inside, okay? he’s not someone you should seek out for a flash fuck. so—”

“tifa,” zack begins, an abrupt wave of anger crashing over him. “i’m telling you right now, you have it all wrong.”

“do i?” she asks, an air of doubt crackling about her. when tifa lifts her head, her eyes are dark, guarded. “zack, i saw the way you were looking at him earlier. everyone did.”

even though he’s pressing his full weight against the sensation, zack feels his face grow hot anyway. “that’s not fair.”

“perhaps not,” tifa sighs. she turns back around. “maybe i’m projecting, then. if you truly don’t believe that you’re going to hurt him, then by all means, go for it. but i will be firm in saying that, if you do hurt him, i will cut you down to size.”

zack opens his mouth, closes it again. the inside of his head is buzzing incessantly, and it’s not from the high anymore.

“i’m going to go grab water now,” tifa tells him. “will you be okay here on your own?”

“sure,” zack mutters bitterly.

she hovers for a minute longer, like she wants to say something more, but decides against it. tifa trails off to find a viable source of water — or maybe she knows exactly where she’s going, since zack’s lost count of how many times she’s returned with fresh water for the group now — and zack meanders over to the giant bowl of red punch in the middle of the table.

tifa means well. he knows. he knows, and still he’s so blind with frustration. is it because she’d been wrong, or because she’d managed to pin him exactly for who he really is?

if anything, over all else, he’s overtly confused. the last time he and tifa had spoken, she’d seemed blithe. so what had changed between then and now?

it wasn’t like zack had agreed to come to the party specifically to fuck cloud. right? it’d been cloud who had decided to wear that tight skirt under zack’s jacket, so—

maybe he is going about this all wrong.

zack runs a heavy hand over his face. he hastily fills a new solo cup with punch and throws it back, vexed. whatever. no matter what tifa says, cloud has a hand to play in all of this, too. and zack can’t decide that for him, doesn’t want to decide it.

he’s filling another cup when he becomes vaguely aware of another body beside him. at first zack thinks it’s tifa, but when he glances over he sees an extremely tall, broad guy instead.

his long silver hair is tied up in a low ponytail against the back of his neck. and he smells good, like some sort of spiced cinnamon. he regards zack coolly: a stark opposite to the way zack’s currently feeling.

“hi,” zack says, dumb as all hell. he lifts his cup to his lips, drinks it all in one go.

“you look troubled.”

“do i?” zack grumbles. he hurriedly pours himself another cup, as if the punch is going to sprout legs and run away from him before he can get classily trashed off of it.

“you know,” the guy says, voice low and tinted with amusement. “drinking when you’re angry isn’t typically a smart idea.”

“well, it’s a good thing i never have any of those, then.”

“do you want to talk about it?”

“not really.” the guy’s words do give him some form of halt, though: zack peers into the thick red liquid with a deep anger that he can feel throughout his entire body, mind and soul. “i’m just conflicted, that’s all.”

“what about?” he reaches over zack to grab his own cup. “maybe i can help.”

“i doubt it,” zack laughs miserably. “one of my friends, she doesn’t want me to do something stupid. but i didn’t think it was stupid at all, and it really only concerns me and this other person anyway, so i’m just…”

“then i fail to see how it’s any of her business,” the guy says, taking a sip of his drink. his eyes are remarkably catlike. there’s a practiced nonchalance to them, but zack can see a sharpness to them deep down: a shark peering up through the thin surface. “i saw you sitting over in the corner. just out of curiosity, is this about the small one in the little skirt?”

for some reason, zack bristles at the way he says it. “ah— no?”

“you sound like you’re not sure.” another long sip. “not that i was watching for very long, but it certainly seemed as if he was trying to tempt you.”

zack laughs harshly. “you don’t know him, okay?”

the guy cocks an eyebrow dangerously. “i don’t?”

“um…” zack hesitates. “no? i don’t know. do you know him?”

“perhaps i do, perhaps i don’t.” he cleans out the rest of his drink and sets down the cup, staring into zack as if he’s trying to peel back the layers of his very soul. “but if i had a pretty little thing like that staring at me the way he stares at you, i’d take him before someone else steals the chance.”

it feels like a threat, and zack can’t discern why. a sharp tendril of jealousy curls within him. “i’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”

“good.”

“yeah,” zack mumbles, skeptical. he feels all light and fuzzy now, so the words pour from him easily. “the thing is, i’m not sure if that’s what he really wants. he has this weird thing with me where he acts like he wants nothing to do with me, and then suddenly he’ll just—”

“zack? who are you talking to?”

“—show up… tifa?”

beside him, tifa raises an eyebrow. she’s holding two fresh water bottles and the guy from before is nowhere to be seen.

“did you… did you see a guy? standing right next to me just now?”

“how much have you been drinking since i walked away?”

zack blinks, bewildered. was he fucking hallucinating?

“the… forget it.”

begrudgingly, he allows tifa to take his hand and guide him back over to the group.

when they return, reno and rude have passed out on the couch, biggs has somehow located a family sized bag of chips, and aerith is giggling in the corner with jessie. wedge is still resting on the floor. as zack immediately notices, cloud is nowhere to be seen.

“we’re back,” tifa announces. she passes the water to aerith first, because why wouldn’t she. “what did we miss?”

“not much,” aerith says, accepting the water and taking a sip. “you missed rude’s story about how he hid for a whole night from the cops in an arby’s trash can. incredibly enthralling.”

“where’s cloud?” zack asks, normally.

tifa eyes him, but gratefully says nothing about it.

“he went upstairs to lie down,” biggs mumbles around a crowded mouthful of chips. “said the weed was making his head hurt.”

“um, i’m gonna go make sure he’s okay,” zack says. he hesitantly gazes at the second water bottle, and after a tense moment where he thinks tifa’s gonna deck him, she sighs and passes it over.

“make sure he drinks all of that,” she tells him sternly.

“i will.”

after zack finally manages to find the one closed door where he can’t hear vivid pornhub reenactments on the other side, he delivers two soft taps against it.

“cloud?”

there’s no response, so zack nudges the door open with his shoulder.

the space is slightly barren, with warm white walls cast aglow from a dim lamp doing its very best off to the side. the curtains have mainly been drawn over the only window in the room, concealing the outside from coming in.

on the small bed, there’s a small lump under the sheets. zack shuts the door behind him and cautiously makes his way over.

“cloud,” he whispers. “it’s me.”

a head of spiky white-blonde emerges, blue eyes hazy and blown about three times their usual size. cloud peers at him wearily, soft as a dream. zack has half the mind to crawl in beside him and fall asleep, but he gathers himself at the last second and passes over the water instead.

“here. it’ll help your head.”

cloud sits up dizzily, takes the bottle. he tries once, twice, three times to get the cap off but is unsuccessful each time. zack laughs despite everything — the fuzziness to cloud’s features, the way time has stopped in this room, the gaping hole in zack’s chest that still wields the threads of flesh where it was once held together still.

“let me help you,” zack says, leaning over to unscrew the cap. but he doesn’t quite get there—

instead, cloud hooks an elbow around the back of his neck and pulls him into the bed. zack’s entire sense of self alters, his body tense. cloud doesn’t wrap himself around zack, not exactly, but his eyes are lingering on zack’s face like he’d like to.

it puts zack in a formidably difficult position. everything about this is screaming danger danger danger but for some reason, when cloud removes his arm, zack doesn’t move away.

can’t move away.

somewhere far away from here, zack hears the water bottle clatter to the floor.

i’m a little worried about you and cloud.

“zack?”

their faces are mere inches apart, cheeks pressed into the mattress. cloud’s hair is soft and tickles his nose, but zack doesn’t dare to put any more space between them. the gap is wide enough already, what with the sheets between them keeping their bodies apart.

“yeah?”

it’s hard to focus on anything else but the rhythm of cloud’s breathing, baby blues wide and dazed and honed on zack like he’s keeping him tethered to the planet’s core. his pupils are dilated and unfocused, and zack knows he looks exactly the same, cross-faded and overflowing with desire.

“i was lying before. when you got into the car, i kinda thought about kissing you.”

zack’s mouth is so dry. the room’s buzzing, spinning like a wheel around him. he’s burning, itching to reach over and run his fingers through cloud’s hair. just to see what it would feel like — if, by closing the gap between them ever so slightly, it would electrify them.

still, the thorn of tifa’s words snag at him:

i am so, so worried about you accidentally hurting him.

cloud swallows. zack watches the way it makes his throat move, wonders half-consciously how it would look if he was bottomed out inside of it. before the thought can take form, cloud lifts his hand from where it’s resting above them on the pillows.

i saw the way you were looking at him earlier. everyone did.

he reaches over, angelic with the motion, giving zack all the time he needs to twitch away if he wants. but zack doesn’t. so he watches, stumbling and stoned, as cloud runs his thumb over zack’s lower lip. zack feels his touch everywhere: a ghost stealing kisses like flowers.

zack is too aware of how fast his heart’s pounding.

in one fluid motion, cloud steals his mortality and holds it between his hands, mending it with tender palms. cloud’s thumb is barely on his skin but for some reason it feels like zack’s never been touched before, not like this, as imperceptibly as a spring breeze.

before zack can grab cloud’s wrist, to keep him from going away, cloud pulls his arm back. he opens his mouth, just slightly, a sight only for zack, and presses his freshly peach-glossed thumb against his tongue.

i don’t want to hurt you, zack thinks to himself, can’t tell actually if he’s just said it out loud.

“tastes good,” cloud mumbles.

“does it?” zack whispers.

cloud hums, quiet, eyes fluttering shut. zack has no idea how much time has passed since they collapsed here in this bed, and quite frankly he doesn’t really care. still, he’s too startled to move: like the slightest twitch will shatter this moment and steal it from him forever.

zack watches him for a while, a heart forged of water. cloud’s blonde hair fans out against the sheets, a halo of molten gold. his cheeks are colored slightly, the sheets around his legs disheveled and exposing the ridges of his skirt, a delicious sliver of his upper thigh.

it’s that last detail, exactly, that distracts him. therefore, it takes zack way too long to notice that cloud’s started breathing a little too fast: once he starts shuddering, though, zack lifts his head.

“cloud,” he says, alarmed.

cloud’s hand twitches towards him. “i’m fine. um, freaking out a little.”

“the weed?” zack asks, and cloud nods. zack sits up, takes his hand and weaves their fingers together. “okay. you’re fine. just peaking, that’s all. it’ll stop in a little bit. you’re okay. okay? i’m right here.”

“okay,” cloud says, unsure. “my mouth is dry, too.”

“that’s normal,” zack says. he leans over and brushes some strands from cloud’s forehead. “the water should help. i can grab it from—”

“no.” cloud’s fingers tighten around zack’s, pinning him to the bed in more ways than one. “don’t go. please.”

“of course not,” zack whispers. “i won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to.”

“i don’t like this,” cloud tells him, strained. “i’m not gonna— i’m not gonna die, right?”

zack smiles a little at this. “no. i won’t let you.”

cloud cracks an eye open. there’s a smirk on him somewhere, faint. “you swear?”

“you’re just a little nervous, that’s all. it helps if you can take your mind off it.”

“how the hell am i supposed to take my mind off it?”

“ah…” cautiously, zack starts rubbing his thumb over the back of cloud’s hand. “focus on this. does it help when i do this?”

cloud watches zack’s finger move, slightly hypnotized by the sensation. still, his body carries these tiny tremors that prove it’s not strong enough to completely distract him from the rising panic.

“that helps,” cloud whispers. he slowly turns over so that he’s lying on his back, gazing up at zack. “zack— do me a favor.”

“what’s that?”

“kiss me.”

zack’s finger stutters to a halt, breath catching. now it’s zack who shudders: cloud’s watching him now: intent, waiting, somewhat amused. when zack speaks again, his voice comes out hoarse. “what?”

“it’s just that… i need something to distract me, right? and i’m trying to figure out what flavor of lip gloss i was tasting earlier.”

tifa’s damned voice crackles through again, adamant on tormenting zack until he drops—

he’s twisted up inside.

still, his brain is on a track that leads to nowhere. he croaks, “peach.”

“come on, zack,” cloud murmurs — he’s practically begging at this point, a heavenly ardor cast over him. “please?”

he shouldn’t.

yet, zack finds himself leaning in.

he shouldn’t, and not because he doesn’t want to — there’s nothing more that zack wants, truly: ever since he first laid eyes on cloud he’s felt latched on, like there was a hook in his chest.

rather, it’s the overwhelming doubt that consumes him. the nagging fear that, no matter how zack approaches this, it’s cloud who will be getting hurt in the end — and zack, the one who pulled the trigger.

because there’s zack, who loves carelessly and tirelessly. zack, who stumbles and never really falls. and then there’s cloud, lowering his walls of steel and exposing the vulnerability layers and layers beneath.

it’s the path through those layers that feels like a slow death. the knowledge that, once zack delves in, there is absolutely no way he’s going to make it back out clean. even moreso, and the part that scares zack the most: that once he’s safe inside, there’s no way he’s gonna want to leave.

“are you sure about this?” zack asks, a traitor to the both of them.

cloud looks nervous. he nods once, feverish. his blue eyes are wide and trembling, pupils still blown from his high. zack swears he can see himself in the reflection of them, irises like lakes, and he knows that he looks exactly the same.

zack shakes his head, tweaked.

“i need to hear you say it.”

cloud rolls his eyes. maybe it’s a trick of the heart, but it seems to take a lot of effort for him to peel his eyes away from zack’s for even a moment.

“i want you to kiss me zack,” cloud says, robotically.

zack scoffs. “seriously.”

“i do,” cloud breathes, begs. “pretty please.”

so zack tells himself that he’s doing nothing more than fulfilling a favor. that just this once, he can be selfish. he closes the gap between them like he’s coming up for air. and cloud meets him at the center, a soft gasp escaping him as their mouths slot together.

cloud’s clumsy, slow to reciprocate, and zack’s heart lurches at the realization. but he can’t stop now, not when cloud’s finally stopped shivering. he wraps a hand around the back of cloud’s neck, holding him steady.

cloud reaches up underneath zack’s sweatshirt, hand sliding up easy along his stomach. zack groans at the touch, the slight chill clinging to cloud’s fingertips. his spine erupts in tiny shudders and it’s irresistible, cruel—

zack’s the first to pull away. he’s half-aware that cloud’s mouth searches for him in the tiny space left behind. “tell me this isn’t your first kiss.”

a short laugh escapes cloud’s throat. zack knows it’s the high but his stomach flips anyway. “oops.”

“cloud—”

“so what if it was? i’m not shaking anymore.”

“that’s not fair. how am i your first kiss? you dated two people before me.”

“two?”

too late, zack realizes his mistake. cloud’s eyes flicker, his gaze like cold steel. he pulls himself upright and zack physically feels the motion as if it’s a cord, snapping between them. it doesn’t break evenly down the center, either: zack gets the larger half, like always, too heavy and hard to hold.

for a moment zack believes, stupidly, he can get it back but then it’s gone, and the coy glimmer to cloud’s eyes hardens and is replaced by a guarded haze.

“cloud, it’s—”

“who told you?” cloud asks, calmly. his eyes flicker with vague betrayal. “tifa?”

“listen to me.” zack exhales, flustered, too high for this conversation. “she didn’t tell me a lot, okay? just that there was this guy. total asshole. she mentioned you don’t like talking about it. i swear, she didn’t tell me much else.”

cloud’s glare flickers to somewhere in the corner, lost in thought for a time while he considers.

“the only reason she said anything was because she knows i like you and she doesn’t want you getting hurt. and you’ve always been kind of… i don’t know, a dick to me? so i was trying to figure out if i’d done something wrong.”

“what? i’m not—”

zack raises his eyebrows pointedly, welcoming the argument that’s about to happen. and cloud looks like he’s going to fight him on it, for a second, but their kiss must have softened him to some degree because the rebuttal dies in his throat.

“we didn’t date,” cloud mutters after he recalibrates.

“huh?”

“the guy tifa was talking about, we didn’t date. i didn’t want anything to do with him and he took it as a challenge, i guess. it was kind of our thing for a while. but then he got obsessive, so.” cloud meets zack’s disbelief almost sheepishly. “but we never dated.”

“oh.” zack releases a breath, deep from his stomach.

“you sound relieved.”

zack chokes, turns his face away so the climbing heat is less noticeable. is he relieved? he frantically cuts his hand over his throat, as if killing the very idea of it. cloud snorts a little.

“ohhhhh no. no,” zack says, insistent. “i’m not relieved. not at all.”

the bed dips a little underneath him, like someone’s shifting their weight. zack turns his head and cloud’s only inches away, one eyebrow raised curiously. it takes everything in zack to not jump out of his skin.

“you’re not?”

“no,” zack affirms, lacking confidence. the closeness of their mouths makes his head spin, and he blames it on his severe high. “why would i be relieved?”

“i don’t know,” cloud says, challenging. “maybe because you just said that you like me.”

“i didn’t…” zack swallows thickly as he, again, realizes his mistake far too late. “did i?”

“you did.”

zack narrows his eyes. “you seem pretty excited about it.”

cloud hesitates, and it’s all zack needs to level him. truly, zack wants nothing more than to take his power back and leave cloud stumbling in the aftermath. so he leans over, dangerously slow, his mouth hovering over cloud’s — to cloud’s credit, he doesn’t fall into the trap immediately, but his lips twitch like they want to.

“so i was your first kiss, huh?”

“maybe,” cloud says, nothing but whispers now.

“you never kissed tifa?”

cloud glances from zack’s mouth to his eyes, conflicted. “we didn’t date for very long.”

“still,” zack presses, and this time, he lets their lips brush together when he says it. “someone as cute and tiny as you, i would’ve taken you all for myself.”

something escapes cloud then, a whine of some sort, and it makes zack delirious. of course, before he can take advantage of it, someone’s phone is ringing and then cloud’s tearing away, his heart jolting around. he frantically searches the bed for his phone, finds it on the floor.

zack’s already fully aware that cloud has a flip phone, but he stares at it in disbelief anyway.

cloud scowls at the tiny caller id and flips it open with one hand, face deliciously reddened. zack’s heart is racing, too, but he does his best to keep it together. “w—what?”

even from where cloud’s crouched on the ground — torturously compromised in that little skirt, zack might add — zack can hear tifa’s voice through the speaker. his stomach sinks. “hey, where’d you run off to?”

“i went to lie down,” cloud says with a frown. “i told the others already. my head hurts.”

“oh. is zack with you?”

“yeah,” cloud answers, suspicious. “why?”

“he said he was gonna bring you water.”

“oh. why are you asking, then?”

“we’re probably gonna head out soon.”

“okay. we’ll come find you, and—”

“well, that’s the thing. i have a favor to ask of you guys.”

cloud meets zack’s gaze then. they exchange a curious look, and when zack angles himself closer so that he can hear better, cloud raises the volume. “what?”

“i… i want to be alone with aerith for a while.”

“in what way?” cloud asks, stone-faced, devious.

“cloud—”

“if you’re gonna abandon me at a party, i need to have more context.”

“oh my god, i’m not abandoning you. you literally live… how long does it take you to walk home from reno’s, like, five minutes?”

“six,” cloud corrects, unmoving.

“right, and you’ve done it before. so hear me out. let me drive aerith back alone, and i’ll make it up to you later. please?”

cloud pretends to think about it, humming for dramatic effect. “okay. fine. we’ll walk.”

“well, ask zack if he’s cool with it, first, okay?”

“christ,” cloud says, a thread of habitual annoyance slipping through. zack reaches over and traces a heavy finger along the back of cloud’s neck, grins at the harsh inhale it causes. the blonde reaches over and smacks him away.

“what was that?”

“i’m greening out.”

“oh. are you okay?”

“i’m… whatever. he’s fine with it.”

“okay. awesome. i’m sorry to put this on you so suddenly, but aerith just insinuated… you know what, it doesn’t matter. anyway, thank you. and just… be careful, okay?”

cloud rolls his eyes. “tifa—”

“sorry. i’ll shut up.”

“you’re fine. just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“you too, dumbass.”

“yeah, yeah. just go.”

“okay, okay. bye.”

cloud hangs up and turns to look at zack, who’s watching him from a safe distance away on the bed.

“you want to get the hell out of here?”

slow as hellfire, zack feels himself grin.

Chapter Text

“i thought you said your house was close.”

cloud sighs, exasperated: a puff of white escaping his lips in the cold winter air. zack trails behind him, heavy on his feet, too drunk to walk normally.

“shut up, would’ya? i can’t hear myself think.” cloud’s slurring, holding his arms out for balance. his cheeks are a lovely shade, like someone went in with a paintbrush and breathed crimson color into them.

“can’t help it. it’s so fucking cold.”

“well, maybe you should wear proper clothes for the winter, then.”

zack takes pause at this. he steals a long, sour look at cloud, who’s dressed up in the only winter coat that zack owns — and for fuck’s sake, cloud doesn’t even have it fastened, his t-shirt and little skirt exposed for all of the world to see.

but zack doesn’t fight him on it, because why would he? it’s not like he isn’t enjoying the view.

“how much farther do we have to walk?”

“there.” cloud stops walking, points. there’s a two-story pentagonal white house on the next incline, illuminated only by a flickering yellow porch light.

there are six windows that zack can see, and all of them are cast in shadow except for one on the very top, which smolders dimly with a pale rosy light on the inside.

“you see that red light in the window? that’s my room. i live on the second floor.”

zack shoots him a wary look. “and why do you have an ominous red light in your room? is that where you bring home all the drunk boys from reno’s parties?”

cloud goes about as red as the window. he starts walking again, brisk. “no.”

zack grins, pleased. he jogs a little to keep up with him and nearly wipes out drunk on the icy pavement. it quickly humbles him, so he slows down. still, his mouth keeps on running:

“really? that’s disappointing. a cute little thing like you, wearing skirts to college parties, and you’ve never brought someone home to your little sex dungeon on the top floor?”

“not like you’d know what a sex dungeon is anyway, you virgin.”

“um, i’ll have you know that i’m incredibly well-versed in sexual knowledge.”

“huh,” cloud says, staring straight ahead.

“no way. you don’t believe me?”

“no, i’m sure you know exactly where the penis goes.” cloud’s breathing labors a bit as they stumble up the incline. “they… they have lots of videos online that teach you.”

zack rolls his eyes. he pretends that the steep hill isn’t affecting him just as badly, maybe even worse, as he gasps out, “jessie and her big fucking mouth.”

“i’m glad she said something,” cloud pants, “so i’d know exactly how lame you actually are.”

“there is nothing… holy fuck how big is this hill... wrong… with being a virgin.”

“well, it certainly…” cloud acts like he’s trying to find his words, but it’s obvious that his lungs are burning and he’s trying to catch his breath. “...certainly explains why you couldn’t stop staring at my skirt.”

“i was not staring,” zack snaps.

this makes cloud stop walking, just so he can give zack the most scrutinizing look ever known in the history of the universe. zack welcomes the break: he braces his hands against his knees and coughs.

“why am i so out of breath?” he asks, absolutely not to change the subject.

“flustered?” cloud asks, smug, panting. “thinking about me?”

“i think i’m just really fucking drunk.”

“you’re such a baby.”

“i…” zack raises a finger to emphasize his next words, seeing how he still can’t lift his head. “i will make you eat those words, strife.”

“sure you will,” cloud says plainly. he starts walking again. zack whines a little, but eventually starts moving to keep up.

it takes about ten more minutes to reach the front of cloud’s house, where they then have to traverse through three inches of thick, deep snow in order to reach the front door. by the end of it zack’s ankles are soaked and he’s even more miserable than he was ten minutes ago. cloud, on the other hand, is snug and comfy cozy in zack’s coat, which he makes sure to point out several times.

but they finally reach the doorstep, to zack’s relief. his feet hitting the smooth, salted steps gives him a feeling akin to locating an island after being adrift at sea for countless months.

the porch light flickers above them as cloud tries the door. locked. he rifles through his coat pockets before truly realizing, with only a flash of sorrow that zack just barely catches before it’s gone, that he’s not wearing his own coat. therefore—

“please don’t say what i think you’re about to say,” zack says.

cloud doesn’t meet his eyes.

“cloud. my feet are cold and very wet and our only means of transportation are shacking up together so if we are fucking locked out, i’m gonna—”

“let’s shut up for a second,” cloud says with a curt glare. “i left my house key in tifa’s car.”

“so call her.”

“no need.” cloud points to the side of the house, which is pitch black and covered with a blanket of footprint-less snow. “we can take the side stairs. they lead right up to my kitchen window.”

“we’re gonna climb through your window?”

“i have a spare key to the window underneath the top step. we can unlock it and slide in through there, no problem.”

“so,” zack begins, shakily raising his hands for emphasis, “you have a spare key for your window, but you don’t have a spare key for the—”

“my landlord isn’t exactly the most logical person in the world, okay?”

“oh my god.”

“let’s go. i’m cold.” cloud makes his way back down the steps, but not before turning to give zack a smug look over his shoulder. “but not that cold. this coat’s pretty warm.”

“you’ll be lucky if i don’t maul you to death before we get inside,” zack growls as he gives swift pursuit.

it turns out climbing the side stairs is worse than the incline, mainly because the entrance point hasn’t been used since winter first arrived. which means each step is coated in about a solid foot of heavy, wet snow, and the railings are frozen over.

still, zack clings to them for dear life. the beams pinning the stairs to the ground are needle thin, and everything rattles when zack so much as breathes. ever the helpful one, cloud mumbles something under his breath about how the landlord hasn’t done any work on the foundations since he first moved in.

“here,” cloud says once he reaches the top step.

zack’s still seven steps behind, each step forward done so with nothing but adrenaline to guide him. he lifts his head to see cloud brushing the snow away from underneath his feet, searches for the spare key under a loose board.

the kitchen window is just barely within reach, and cloud has to stand on his tiptoes to jiggle the key in the tiny, frozen lock. thing is, there’s absolutely no railing in front of him, so cloud is literally dangling over a precipice as he bangs his fist against the lock, trying to thaw it out.

“shit,” cloud snarls. he teeters a little bit but doesn’t seem to notice because the key finds purchase. he turns it and pulls the window open. zack perceives this all with his heart hanging somewhere in his ass.

“be careful,” zack calls, stilted and awkward and pretending he’s not consumed with terror.

“shut up,” cloud says. he grabs the bottom of the windowsill and hauls himself up.

there’s an exceptionally succulent period of time where, as cloud is trying to find his balance on what zack presumes is the kitchen counter, zack gets an obscured view of what’s under cloud’s skirt. his coat covers a lot of it, but zack still sees a flash of pale upper thigh and a sliver of underwear.

zack hums, curiosity piqued, a titillating grin slapped on his face. then cloud drops into the kitchen, out of sight, and reality comes back to haunt him.

he braces a palm against the windowsill, explicitly unsure.

will it be able to hold his weight? is it too icy? zack has a horrid fantasy of slipping, falling through the gap between the house and stairs, not quite dying once he hits the bottom but wishing he did.

he shudders. “cloud, can’t you just unlock the front door from the inside?”

“nope.”

okay.

at least, if zack does fall to his death, it’ll be cloud who has to call it in.

zack takes a deep breath and wraps his fingers around the ledge. it takes a lot of mental strength and drunken confidence to pull himself up, and even then, his heart is hammering uncontrollably. once his feet are dangling above solid ground, though — that’s when the real panic sets in.

luckily, the window’s kinda small, so zack’s able to tug himself through with minimal issue—

“oh, hey, watch out for the dish rack,” cloud says.

“the what?”

but zack finds out, because as soon as he’s crawled in and crouched precariously on the counter (smaller than he anticipated, cluttered with shit that cloud definitely could have moved prior to zack launching himself inside), there’s a clunky white dish rack that’s kind of just…there.

it catches him off guard. in a frantic attempt to keep it from falling, zack himself slips from the counter and crashes to the floor.

he lands on his face. it’s not very cool of him. someone groans in pain, and zack surmises that the person is actually himself.

“you okay?”

zack cracks his eyes open. the kitchen lights have yet to be turned on, but in the silver light of the moon it’s plainly obvious that cloud’s standing directly over him, giving him a pretty little view of what’s patiently waiting underneath his skirt.

zack blinks. tortured, dazed, hypnotized. “uh…”

“aw, zack. you don’t look so good,” cloud murmurs. he’s not smirking quite yet, but that’s okay, because zack doesn’t think he could handle it if he was. he tilts his head. “you need help?”

“no,” zack says, hoarse. “i can get up on my own.”

“then why don’t you?”

zack wants to stop staring at the sight presented before him, but his brain won’t compute. “the floor’s pretty comfortable, or whatever.”

“sure,” cloud says, boredly. he walks away, taking the delicious view with him, and flicks on the kitchen light. it casts an irrationally bright glow directly into zack’s face: he squints and rolls upright.

the kitchen itself is quite small, shoved off to the corner of the cramped apartment, with no walls to separate it from the living room (a little couch, a floor lamp, cloud’s backpack tossed into a corner.)

there’s only one counter — the one that zack just fell from — which is directly connected to a gas stove. a rectangular coffee table sits in the gap between the kitchen and rest of the house.

it’s compact, works well enough for someone who lives alone. but still, zack feels a weird sense of loneliness when he’s stranded in the center. he gets to his feet.

cloud’s nowhere to be seen anymore and someone’s just turned on the shower, so zack gets nosy.

there’s a strip of photographs on the fridge, tacked on by a flower shaped magnet. it’s tifa and cloud, but they’re much younger. and cloud looks happy, even if it feels like he’s being held at gunpoint in half of the pictures.

zack smiles faintly, despite himself.

a pile of mail sits on the table. it’s mostly junk but, at the bottom, there’s an envelope that’s been torn open. zack glances up to check for cloud before nonchalantly nudging all of the other shit aside so that he can pick it up and poke the paper open.

it’s a letter from cloud’s mom.

she misses him. says it’s hard living so far away, wishes he’d come visit soon. but she’s doing well. she doesn’t blame him. for what, zack doesn’t know, but he has an idea that it’s pertaining to a certain unhinged guy.

anyway.

she hopes his studies are going well. she went on a walk through her garden the other day and suddenly thought of the way he’d dart through the flowerbeds as a baby and wait for her to find him — he always hid in the same spot — and when she found him he’d laugh so hard that she still hears it in her dreams sometimes.

she talks to him about the sun, talks about how there was a sale on potatoes last week, talks about how she sees him in lilies and clovers and she’s so sorry about the nightmares—

“what are you doing?”

zack flings the letter back onto the table. “um, nothing?”

cloud’s standing by the couch, rubbing a towel against his freshly wet hair. he’s swapped the black shirt with a faded lapis one but, to zack’s glee, he’s still wearing that stupid little fucking skirt.

“are you reading my mail?”

“no?” zack scoffs, frantically burying the letter under spam mail. “but in case you didn’t know, burger king sent you some coupons.”

cloud rolls his eyes. he points across the room to another door, where thin plumes of steam are still slowly seeping out.

“the bathroom’s there if you wanna take a shower. there might be some hot water left. um, i left a change of clothes in there for you, too.”

it kinda feels like an implication, but zack’s a bit slow on the uptake. he glances between the vapor-filled room and cloud’s skirt, feeling suspicious for some reason, like cloud’s just messing with him and—

“i’m not changing out of the damn skirt,” cloud says, exasperated.

zack gasps. “wh— i wasn’t— that’s not what i—”

“zack. go.”

he says it with such a fervent urgency that zack would be stupid to argue. at first, once zack has the door shut behind him, he’s nothing but jittery. all around him there’s cloud.

the traces of his fingertips in the frosted mirror. his soap, the smell of his skin, it lingers between the impasse that divides zack from his own heart.

but then the scalding water’s hitting his spine. it cures him in the way that a fresh shower always does, stripping lethargy from flesh. he stands there for way too long while the water sobers him, forces his brain to clear itself a bit.

in the silence left behind, zack thinks of tifa: this new wound that he fears will never heal properly. he thinks of cloud’s mouth, soft and small and wet and aching. zack wants to feel it again. he wants every part of cloud, selfishly, knows cloud wants him too—

surely, there must be a way for their hearts to find each other in a way that won’t take them both apart from the inside. zack rests his forehead against the ceramic wall, tries to find his breath.

maybe he should just talk to cloud about what tifa said. maybe then, there will be no room for error. he’ll fill the gap between them so that there’s no room for zack to misstep, to pull cloud apart like a magnet.

he grabs the spare clothes. cloud’s scent hits him in a sudden wave and he ignores the thrill it gives him, because zack’s a changed man now. he’s mature and sensible. he’s gonna have a long conversation with cloud before they do anything irrational.

like accidentally turning their increasingly delicate connection into a flash fuck. or zack doing something so unspeakably idiotic that tifa has no choice but to hunt him down and skin him alive.

zack pulls on the fresh boxers — pretends not to realize they’re cloud’s — and the shirt, a familiar black one that cloud’s definitely worn to class before. he makes to grab whatever cloud’s given him for pants and this is when he realizes.

“cloud?” he calls.

“what?”

“where are you?”

“in my room?”

“oh,” zack says, pauses. “um, you forgot to give me pants.”

“i did?”

“yeah.”

“oh. well, i have some in here.”

zack tilts his head. he convinces himself that he’s imagining the coy lilt to cloud’s voice, because again, he’s mature now. that shower changed him.

although something does kind of spasm in his chest at the thought of going into cloud’s room. but he shoves it down, doesn’t let it get the better of him.

zack exits the bathroom with his heart in his mouth. he feels kind of exposed in just his underwear, but luckily all the windows have their curtains drawn, and cloud’s room is close. the door’s cracked open just slightly, the corner of a bedframe just barely visible.

he stops at the doorway, holds his breath, unsure.

inside, cloud sighs. “come in.”

“um. okay.” zack pushes the door open. there’s a vivid change in weight to his heart as he crosses the threshold between safety and whatever’s lurking in this room. “thanks for the shower, it made me feel a lot better. i did a lot of thinking while i was in there, so i kinda wanna talk to y…ou…”

his voice dies in his throat at the sight of cloud lying there, deep blue eyes hooded and unfocused, pupils like full liquid moons. he’s lying on his back, his head lolling to the side in a lazy way that makes zack feel weak in the knees.

cloud giggles. he giggles, and despite every nerve in zack’s body screaming at him that this is wrong, wrong wrong wrong, a horrible tendril of heat flicks its way through his gut.

“um.” zack swallows. “hey, man.”

“hi,” cloud says, impossibly delighted.

“i need pants.”

“i know.” cloud parts his legs ever so slightly, the skirt shifting hazardously up his legs. zack physically feels the movement throughout his entire body. “i have a pair for you over here. come grab them.”

zack shudders. “cloud—”

“mhm?”

“i don’t think that’s a good idea,” zack croaks, even though he wants nothing else more. he starts to forget why he’d felt so sure of himself walking in here, tries frantically to grab it again before it slips away forever.

“zack, come on.” cloud blindly reaches between his legs and lifts an article of clothing from underneath them that could maybe resemble something pant-like if zack wasn’t so fucking distracted.

he waves it around slightly, like luring a dog with a treat.

“oh god,” zack whispers, the last of his composure slipping and shattering on the ground.

cloud waits patiently for zack to approach, much like holding a palm out to a startled wild animal, and then tosses the clothing carelessly to the side. zack doesn’t give a semblance of a fuck about them, either.

not now, when he’s close enough to see that cloud isn’t wearing anything underneath the skirt anymore.

cloud lowers his hand and nudges the skirt aside, lets his cock fall free. he wraps his hand around it, slow, presses his thumb against the head. zack watches the whole thing unfold with his mouth hanging open a little, dumbly so, like he’s hypnotized.

cloud laughs a little at the sight of it, nervous, as if the wind’s been knocked out of him.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, an angel in his own right. “you look dizzy. maybe you should—”

“we’re still drunk,” zack tells him. it’s a last resort, a shitty means of escape and they both know it. the truth is, zack hasn’t blinked since cloud started moving his hand. cloud looks too cute like this, so shy and sure of himself, cock sitting pretty in his hands. zack momentarily considers breaking him down.

cloud groans. his hand stills against his dick, to zack’s dismay. “do you want this or not?”

“i do,” zack says. begs, really.

“okay. get over here, then.”

steeling himself with a deep breath, zack nods. he climbs up onto the bed. it’s exceedingly small for two people, and the mattress creaks under them. in order to fit, he has to kind of hover over cloud, bracing his hands up against the wall.

cloud rolls with it. he situates himself between zack’s knees, uses his thumb to trace the outline of zack’s cock through his boxers. his movements are cruelly slow — zack sighs breathily as cloud cranes his head, presses an open-mouthed kiss to him through his underwear.

“take these off,” he mumbles.

zack shakily slides them down, glad to be rid of them. the moment his cock bounces free, cloud gets this look on his face that gives zack immense pause.

“what?” zack asks, momentarily panicked.

“nothing.” cloud mumbles, pupils blown. “you’re… bigger than i thought.”

zack frowns. he notes the sudden high flush to cloud’s cheeks, the fresh, nervous glint swimming in his eyes.

“cloud.”

“yeah?”

“you’ve never sucked dick before, have you?”

cloud says nothing to this, but he glances off to the side.

“oh my god,” zack says, suddenly exhilarated. “you haven’t?”

something in cloud’s face twitches irritably.

“so, let me get this straight. i was your first kiss. and now, after acting so sure of yourself, you haven’t even—”

scowling, cloud surges forward and licks a long stripe upwards, starting straight from the base. zack’s breath hitches. he instinctively lowers one hand from the wall, reaches out to knot his fingers in cloud’s hair, marvels at the sight of cloud’s blonde strands trapped between his knuckles.

zack rasps, “i’ll teach you how, if you want.”

“sure. make sure you do a good job.”

there’s a challenge to it that makes zack’s dick twitch uncontrollably. he yanks cloud’s head towards the tip. “put this in your mouth, you little shit.”

cloud hooks a finger around the length to give himself better access. he brings it to his mouth and wraps his lips around the tip, groaning a little once it hits his tongue.

the sensation is absolutely insane like this, with cloud at this angle. zack shivers. watches cloud experiment with it, eyelids lowered and focused. his cheeks are glowing and zack feels dizzy, so fucking—

“like this?” cloud asks, mouth full. zack squeezes his eyes shut, represses the violent urge to force feed his dick down cloud’s throat.

“yeah. like that,” zack says. his voice sounds dark and nothing like himself. “how’s this angle for you? is it too much?”

cloud hums the word no. it kinda comes out more like a gag.

“o—kay,” zack stutters, acting like he didn’t just feel precum drip straight against the roof of cloud’s mouth. “um, something really important: before we do anything, we need to have some sort of code word.”

cloud frees his lips from zack’s dick with a wet pop. he stares up at him curiously, trapped between zack’s legs. zack wants to fucking cry. “code word?”

“yeah. if you want me to stop, you need to let me know somehow.”

“what? where’d you get this, the blowjob for virgins instruction manual?”

“aerith taught me,” zack strains, mortified.

“oh. so she…”

“yes,” zack hisses, face glowing red. “can we please stop talking about my ex-girlfriend now.”

“fine. well…” cloud rolls his eyes. “if i want to stop, we’ll just… stop.”

“we can’t just stop.”

“um, why.”

“because that’s not how this works. you need to have a word.”

cloud glares up at him. “the hell do you want me to say? ‘halt’?”

zack groans, exasperated. “you’re arguing with me. my dick is hanging over your face right now, and you’re arguing with me.”

“well, you’re being stupid.”

“i’m not—“ zack exhales. “cloud, look, once i’m in your throat i’m not gonna want to leave it. i’m not gonna be thinking straight.”

“fine.” cloud frowns, annoyed, eager to get back to it already. “i’ll just pinch your leg really hard. okay?”

“whatever,” zack says, also annoyed and eager to get back to it. “if that’s what you want. don’t draw any blood.”

“no promises,” cloud vows, blue eyes flickering dangerously. zack considers holding his head to the spot and stuffing his mouth full, but he doesn’t get the chance because cloud moves first. his mouth sinks onto zack’s cock again, slow and sweet.

zack’s not sure what makes him moan, whether it’s the buildup to this moment or the sight of cloud completely at his mercy underneath him.

“that’s so good,” zack sighs. cloud’s tracing his tongue underneath, stretching it as far as he can go without choking. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to choke on it yet: they have all the time in the world, and zack will get him there eventually.

cloud pulls off, throats him again as far as he can manage. the next time he comes up, it’s interrupted halfway by a shrill ringtone. it’s cloud’s phone, on the side table. cloud’s in no position to check it himself, so zack does it for him. he glances at the tiny caller id.

aerith.

“um, hello,” cloud says, his mouth frozen, lingering just above zack’s cock. “we’re kinda busy here.”

“it’s aerith.” zack glances down at him. “what if it’s important?”

“i guarantee you it’s not as important as what we’re doing right now.”

zack considers this, looks back at cloud’s phone. a horrible decision has begun to take root inside him.

“hey.” zack frowns. “remember when you made me climb through your kitchen window? and then taunted me with your little skirt while i was lying on the floor?”

“zack…”

“i’m just saying,” he says, releasing cloud’s head so he can grab the phone. “i’m supposed to be teaching you, and they say that some people learn best under pressure, so…”

“don’t,” cloud begs, and that’s all zack was looking for, really. he flips the phone open and presses it to cloud’s ear. cloud’s face twists: he opens his mouth to start something, but aerith must speak first, because he squeezes his eyes shut. “hi, aerith.”

zack keeps the phone pressed to his ear, mainly because cloud’s arms are pinned down and he can’t grab it himself. he lowers himself to cloud’s neck, kisses his collarbone. cloud’s body erupts in goosebumps.

“z—zack’s phone is dead,” cloud manages.

not good enough, then. zack opens his mouth further, bites down hard, starts sucking. cloud squirms, tortured: a breathy whine escapes his throat. he immediately holds his breath. his entire body’s shaking, this poor little thing.

it’s impossible to hear aerith through the tiny speaker on cloud’s phone.

“what’s she saying?” zack asks.

“she wants to talk to you,” cloud whispers.

“okay.” zack licks at cloud’s throat sympathetically. “tell her you’re passing the phone over.”

“i’m gonna give the phone to zack,” cloud tells her obediently, trembling. he’s doing so well: zack’s gonna make sure to give him a big reward for it later.

before that, though, zack takes the phone away from cloud’s ear and holds it out of aerith’s earshot.

“make sure you stay nice and quiet,” zack mutters flatly. “we wouldn’t want aerith to hear you choking on my dick, would we?”

“zack,” cloud begs, paper-thin and ready to be torn apart. zack lifts the phone to his ear, sits upright so that his cock knocks against cloud’s mouth.

“zack?”

“hey,” zack says, all easy. he uses his free hand to hold cloud’s head still. open wide, he mouths.

and cloud does. oh, he does: impatient and eager to please. he takes it about halfway down before his body tenses with nerves. zack pulls it back out immediately, revels in the way cloud’s mouth tries to follow it.

“sorry, i know it’s late! i just wanted to make sure you got to cloud’s safely.”

“oh, yeah! i’m here. no need to worry.” zack slowly edges his cock back inside, gently works cloud’s throat open. it’s so warm and soft around him: zack’s head lolls, somewhat spellbound. “you caught me at a bad time, though — kinda tired. i was just about to go to bed.”

“me too. where’s cloud got you sleeping? on the couch?”

“he gave me a pillow, at least.”

cloud’s starting to lose the last, whittling remains of what composure he has left. zack’s cock is sliding in easy now, the tip brushing against the back of cloud’s throat. cloud takes it like a fucking pro, his baby blues shining with fresh tears.

zack feels an overwhelming sense of possessive pride at the sight — he’s doing so well, his pretty little baby.

“okay. i’ll let you go. goodnight, zack. we’ll talk in the morning. charge your phone, would you?”

“yeah. ‘night.” zack snaps the phone shut and tosses it to the side. the moment they’re alone, zack grabs cloud’s head and presses it down into the pillow. he pulls his cock free, head spinning at the thick line of drool linking them together. “fuck.”

cloud gapes up at him, panting. “am i—am i doing okay? am i doing a good job?”

“so good, baby.” zack’s breathing is coming a bit labored, too. he uses his thumb to wipe tears from cloud’s cheek. “i wish you could see yourself right now. so fucking hot, like you were made for me.”

“are you… are you gonna…”

“yeah,” zack says. “yeah, i’m gonna fuck your throat now.”

“okay.”

“remember to pinch me if—”

“please. zack, please, i wanna choke.”

oh, zack likes that a little too much. how long ago was it that he’d been pining, heart over fist, for cloud’s attention? and now cloud’s staring up at him, eyes shining, barely able to contain his excitement at the thought of tasting zack’s cock again.

zack doesn’t let him wait too long, mainly because he, himself, has started to grow impatient. he positions his cock against cloud’s lips. cloud kisses it distractedly as he opens his mouth wide, ever zealous.

“fuck,” zack whispers, sliding it in deep. at this angle, he’s face fucking cloud directly into the pillow. and cloud moans around every thrust, eyes fluttering shut. zack feels the velvety, soft warmth of his mouth throughout his entire body.

he sways. his face is so hot, and everything’s fuzzy. cloud’s throat is a furnace, coiled so tightly around zack’s cock that he’s sure he’ll explode any second. he braces himself against the wall with one hand, tugs on cloud’s hair with the other.

cloud gags as zack hits the back of his throat, finally. it shudders around him, constricting, tugging as cloud tries to swallow. zack’s becoming increasingly aware of the fact that he’s moaning cloud’s name, almost sobbing with it, so fucking stupid and gone for him—

“cloudy, ‘m… i’m gonna…”

selfish. zack’s so fucking selfish but in this moment, cloud belongs to him and only him, and it’s cloud who’s swallowing every drop, cloud who’s making soft, pleased sounds at the realization that he’s done a good job, and—

cloud opens his eyes, meets zack’s gaze so adoringly that zack shivers.

he comes with a strangled moan, shoves his dick in as deep as he can, desperate to mark him deep inside. cloud writhes underneath him, drinking it all up greedily, his fingers digging crescents into the back of zack’s legs.

he makes a sound, incomprehensible. it sounds like he’s trying to say zack’s name. shaky, zack presses a hand back up against the wall to steady himself. his mouth is moving but he has no concept of what’s coming out of it, not with his ears ringing this loud.

zack staggers. he’s come a lot — through his fuzzy vision, he can see that cloud wasn’t able to swallow it all fast enough and as a result it’s dribbling down the corners of his mouth. zack pulls himself from cloud with a wet pop, shudders as he collapses to the cramped bed beside him.

cloud giggles, dumb angel.

“you made a fucking mess.”

zack’s brain isn’t quite at the point where it can form words yet. he blinks dazedly, unfocused. stares at cloud uncontrollably, kind of wants to crawl on top of the guy and burrow himself into his skin and make a home out of him. his heart’s so full of cloud and it’s foreign and addictive but somehow awful.

dizzy, he lifts his head.

“gimme your dick,” zack mumbles, voice low.

cloud goes red all over. “w—what?”

zack doesn’t wait for permission: cloud’s cock is still hard, patiently waiting. it’s sticky with precum but zack spits on his palm anyway, reaches over and wraps his hand around the base.

“zack.” cloud grabs his wrist, hesitant.

“yeah?”

“you don’t… you really don’t have to.”

oh. zack loosens his grip. “you don’t want me to?”

“uh,” cloud mutters. his hand tenses around zack’s, forcing it to stay put. “um, i do. but—”

“but?”

something crosses his face, a formless darkness, before cloud rapidly switches course. “i, um, i don’t want you to force yourself for my sake.”

zack frowns. he angles his head to study cloud’s face, closing the gap between them but somehow not being anywhere near close enough. he feels cloud’s flush like liquid poison in his veins. their lips brush together when he says, “cloudy, you have no idea how bad i wanna suck it.”

“y—” cloud jerks back, startled. zack’s not sure if he’ll ever get tired of seeing him so flustered, cheeks glowing and eyes crackling electric blue. “you’re kidding.”

“fuck no.” zack gives cloud’s cock a few lazy pumps, feels him shudder under his touch. “cloudy, please?”

“d—don’t call me that,” cloud stutters, abashed.

“why not?”

“because it’s… i don’t know.”

“i like it,” zack tells him as he shifts lower, straight into the captivating warm heat between cloud’s legs. he presses a heavy kiss to cloud’s inner thigh, drunk with thirst. “fair weather, cloudy skies. we were meant for each other, see?”

“god,” cloud whimpers, burying his face in the pillow.

zack smirks, pushes the skirt out of his way so that he has better access. cloud may be acting vexed, but it doesn’t change the fact that his cock is twitching, desperate for attention. zack drags his tongue along the length, heart bouncing at the taste of cloud’s precum.

he pretends not to notice every nerve in cloud’s body going still as steel.

“you ever been touched like this before, baby?”

cloud groans. he shakes his head. “n—no.”

“really.” zack presses his thumb into the tip, mirroring cloud’s little charade from earlier. “i’m the lucky one who gets to taste your cum for the first time, then?”

“if you want,” cloud whispers, insatiable.

“i do want. i wanna make you come,” zack says. “please?”

cloud presses a hand over his mouth to silence a shaky little whine that isn’t really silenced at all.

“cloudy?”

“if that’s what you want,” he moans, an echo, into his palm.

and so it goes. zack swirls his tongue around the tip, experimenting. above him, cloud’s gone deadly still, like he’s terrified to make even the slightest sound.

zack swallows it down, slow, taking it inch by inch. like clockwork, when he gets about halfway down, cloud grabs a fistful of his hair. he’s riled up enough now that zack can hear him panting: his cock spasms against the back of zack’s throat.

of course, cloud keeps his hand pressed against his mouth as he starts fucking up into zack’s face. but his fingers are slipping, parting where they shouldn’t. zack hears each shaky gasp like it’s disrupting the placement of his very soul.

“zack,” cloud cries out, muffled. “zack, you feel good. so good. please, please—”

cloud’s gone sloppy with his movements, haphazardly ramming his cock back against zack’s throat. zack reaches out, balls a fist in cloud’s shirt to steady himself.

he’s not sure how he knows cloud’s about to come, whether it’s the sudden lack of space in his throat or how cloud’s starting to grow frantic. zack continues to let cloud use his mouth, fucking senselessly and sobbing up into it. he reaches over and wraps his hands around cloud’s tiny waist, angling his hips closer.

when cloud comes, it’s hypnotic. he’s in the middle of moaning zack’s name when it happens, and the syllable just hangs there, haunting the both of them. his come is sticky and thick and zack does his best to swallow it all, he really does—

the fact is, zack has never done this either, and there’s a part of him that wants to be good enough for cloud, to make both of their first times really mean something. but the taste of cloud so deep down in his throat catches him violently off guard, and he’s struggling to stay focused.

in the aftermath, cloud’s fist goes slack in zack’s hair. zack slowly pulls off but doesn’t go far, his cheek resting against cloud’s thigh. the skirt tickles his face, hair flopping messily in front of his forehead.

for a long time they lie there, panting, the whispers of the night as their sole witness. sleep comes for zack like he’s naught but prey, artful in dragging him down to the depths.

careful not to disturb him, cloud reaches over and flicks off the light. not long after that does zack feels the sheets shift around, feels something heavy and warm settle over him. cloud combs his fingers through zack’s hair a few times, for good measure, and then all goes still.

his mind lost in the sway of sleep, zack mumbles the first thought that surfaces. the moment he says it, he forgets it’s slipped out.

cloud is frozen, listening to zack’s heavy breathing. only when five full minutes have passed and zack’s drifted into twilight does cloud finally answer him.

“night, zack.”

twice does zack wake up in the middle of the night.

the first time, it’s due to this unsettling dream that all starts with a trip to the grocery store.

zack hates grocery shopping, so of course this turns into a frantic, feversome sequence where he’s desperately trying to find hot cheetos but everywhere he looks, he can’t fucking find them, and the fate of the world’s balance depends on these hot cheetos—

there’s another thing, too, about needing to deliver something to some catacombs. he’s not sure what aspect of his day brought that one on.

oh, biggs is there, too, for some reason.

anyway. on their way to the catacombs, they get stranded in a desert and need to ask for directions. the map they’re given in passing — by a handsome, suspiciously familiar silver-haired man driving a golf cart — isn’t legible. so after staggering through the heat, they eventually come across a tavern in the middle of nowhere.

literally nowhere. like, the closest landmark is a pile of sand that goes up to zack’s hips, and he’s pretty tall so this is kind of disconcerting. of course, when he gets nervous about the sand, his brain hyperfixates on that anxiety like he’s just snorted a line of dope.

so naturally, biggs gets sucked into a pool of quicksand. because why wouldn’t he?

zack quickly learns that he’s terrified of quicksand. when he’s holding onto biggs’ arms, and biggs is frantically clawing at zack’s arms, zack starts to realize that the sand has a very similar sensation to something else that’s hot and sucking. of course, he can’t place what exactly it is. he—

“how the fuck did we get in here?” zack asks. the interior of the tavern has magically materialized around them, and when he turns his head, biggs is ordering a drink up at the front.

“i dunno, man,” biggs says, unscathed. the bartender hands him a glass, and then passes him a twisty straw. “hey, did you ever call aerith back?”

“was i supposed to call her?” zack pats himself down, searching for his phone. he finds it in his pocket, but when he takes it out, it’s just a piece of cardboard. “shit, biggs. the catacombs. we need to get to the catacombs.”

“let’s ask someone for directions.” biggs is now eating a tub of ice cream, but he’s still holding the twisty straw for some reason. zack squints at it, enraptured. what is it reminding him of? god, he’s so close to figuring it out that he can almost—

“hey,” comes a voice.

zack looks up. he’s standing at the front of the bar, wallet in hand, and the bartender is now a vaguely familiar 5’7” spiky-haired blonde guy with a sour face and a bad attitude. he leans across the counter, blue eyes striking and unmistakable.

“are you gonna order something, or just keep standing there with your mouth hanging open?”

“uh,” zack says, staring at the guy’s muscles. “sorry. we need directions to the catacombs.”

“the catacombs?” the pretty-faced stranger whistles lowly. “that’s pretty fierce territory for someone like you. are you sure you can handle it?”

“hey, man. i can take anything.” zack folds an arm behind his back and unsheathes his sword, which is actually just a little pink foam princess sword that he distantly remembers seeing at walmart.

“we’re gonna need this, too,” jessie says from beside him. zack glances over at her, just in time to see her drop a ceiling tile into their blue shopping cart.

“what do we need a ceiling tile for?”

“this is crucially important!” jessie puts a hand on her hip as she grins up at him. “don’t you realize that already? jeez, zack, you’re so dense.”

“wait a minute.” zack squints at her. “how the hell did we get to walmart?”

jessie stares at him, incredulous. she snaps her fingers in front of his face. “um, hello-o? earth to zack? i literally just drove us here. man, if i had known you were gonna be spacing out all day, i would’ve brought biggs instead. except he’s not much better these days, what with his tumbling heterosexuality being shaken to its fragile core.”

“right,” zack says. he’s slowly starting to realize that the shelf tags aren’t legible. “hey, jessie, is there something off about this place?”

“you’re crazy.” jessie claps him on the back, hard. “everything’s fine. have you even seen a walmart before? there’s always something off about them.”

“i guess you have a point.”

“you’re not listening.”

zack blinks. the walmart has suddenly blipped away. in front of him now is cloud, wearing his tight little skirt. they’re sitting face to face on zack’s bed. zack’s sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce and cloud’s on his knees.

zack raises a hand to his face, tries to count his fingers but loses count before six. five?

“i’m confused,” zack whines.

“zack,” cloud says, his voice very serious. zack directs all attention to him, reacting very competently to the sleeper agent of his name in cloud’s mouth. “do you like me?”

zack tilts his head. “of course i like you.”

“in what way?”

cloud leans forward over zack’s lap. he braces a hand on either side of his body, caging zack in. zack leans back slightly, heart flaring. he asks, “what do you mean?”

but zack doesn’t get his answer, not yet. cloud sighs and pulls away. zack feels every inch stretch between them like a thin cord that’s bound to snap when they least expect it to.

“you’re an idiot, zack.”

when zack startles awake, his heart is desperate to claw its way out.

the second time zack wakes, it’s because something’s been knocked over.

he rouses alone in bed, still half-buried under cloud’s sheets, his mouth sour with sleep. at first he’s disoriented, half-forgotten where he is. and then he sits upright. cloud’s room is a formless mass of darkened, blurry shapes. a tiny bit of light is trickling in through the window, murmurs of dawn.

“shit,” someone hisses.

zack scratches his head. he looks to where cloud’s standing in the doorway, a fluid outline against the dark room. he’s ditched his skirt for green plaid boxers that hang lazily on his hips.

“cloud?” zack mumbles, drowsy.

“sorry,” cloud says. there’s a wrongness to his voice, the weight of it distributed in all the wrong places. “i didn’t mean to wake you up.”

zack frowns. “are you okay?”

“of course i’m okay.” cloud seems to become aware of the fact that he’s lingering in the space between the door and the bed, entirely unsure of himself and everything else around him. with a start, he walks back over to the bed and crawls back in.

“your fat ass is taking up all of the bed, though. move over.”

he does. but zack’s not entirely convinced, because when cloud collapses back against the pillows, the pink dawn hits him in a way that makes him paler than usual. his brain tellingly clicks back to the letter from cloud’s mom, the faintest mention of nightmares.

“cloud.”

“what?” cloud snaps, sore.

“how long have you been up?”

cloud sighs. “do you like asking me stupid questions, or is it just a habit for you?”

but zack’s played this game before. he’s begun to develop a keen eye for cloud’s emotions, and he knows that his eyes aren’t mistaking him this time. cloud’s trembling a little, still sinking through the depths of himself.

judging by cloud’s anger, he’s been letting the nightmare torment him for much too long now. so zack edges closer, snakes his arms around cloud’s shoulders, buries his face in cloud’s hair.

“did i tell you that you could touch me?”

“shut up, would you?” zack whispers, exasperated. this period of respite doesn’t last long, and quick to flood in is the guilt, the horrible thought that cloud actually doesn’t want him anywhere near. “you can push me away at any time.”

cloud doesn’t, to zack’s selfish relief. he lets zack hold him, begrudgingly, until the rosy paint of the orange sun curls into itself. neither of them speak, but zack feels the tremors anyway, as if they’re splitting free of his own heart and soaking them both with blood.

“do you want to talk about it?” zack whispers, after a while. the front of his shirt is soaked but cloud’s breath has finally started to even out, just a little.

“no.”

“that’s okay.” zack uses his thumbs to wipe cloud’s cheeks. “you hungry?”

instead of an immediate no, cloud perks slightly. “why?”

“i could make breakfast.”

“you’re such a dork,” cloud mumbles, but he sounds pleased. it promptly punches a perfect circle into the sun of zack’s chest. “you snore when you sleep, by the way.”

“sorry. did it keep you up?”

cloud shakes his head. “i couldn’t hear it from all the way up here.”

“oh. so you let me sleep on your thighs all night?” zack asks, grinning. cloud startles and shoves him away.

“no.”

“really? then how come i woke up with my head still buried under the sheets?”

“because,” cloud begins, hesitates as he pieces something together fast. “you… uh, thrash around in your sleep. you ended up down there on your own.”

“likely story.”

“whatever,” cloud grumbles, sitting upright.

zack laughs. “alright, alright. why don’t you show me around your kitchen? i’ll cook us up something good.”

cloud sighs, a healthy flush to his face. “i don’t think you’re gonna have much luck.”

“you dare doubt my cooking skills? i bet i could prepare a feast, blind-folded, in the middle of the wilderness, with limited materials and—”

“oh my god, no, i meant that there isn’t… a lot to work with.”

zack scoffs.

“how bad can it possibly be?”

“holy fuck,” zack croaks aptly, staring into the barren wasteland that is cloud’s fridge and cupboards.

in total, cloud has half a carton of milk, some expired cereal and a loaf of moldy bread. the only thing that’s full is one fridge door, which is stuffed to oblivion with energy drinks akin to the potency of an overdose. “how are you alive?”

“tifa gives me food when i visit her at work,” cloud says simply from where he’s seated at the table.

“cloud, this… this is bad. it’s a cry for help.”

“mhm,” cloud mutters distractedly. he’s punching his thumbs into his phone, one letter for every three clicks. “do you have any plans for today?”

“other than trying to convince you to check into a mental ward? no.”

“i’ll take you home soon, then. wedge needs my help over at the store. one of the other volunteers never showed up, so there’s no one to feed the cats.”

“you’re going to help out now?” zack asks. “you’re not gonna try to catch up on sleep first?”

“i wasn’t aware that my sleep schedule was any of your business.”

“it’s not, but you look like shit.”

cloud stares at him, wholly unamused. “really? i thought i’d be glowing after drinking all that cum you oh-so-happily spurt all over my—”

“alright,” zack shouts, mortified. “point taken. i’ll shut the fuck up.”

“good,” cloud says. something shadowy flashes across his face, like he knows something that zack doesn’t, but zack doesn’t press because he’s too embarrassed to care. gratefully, neither does cloud. he coughs, looks back at his phone. “anyway, we gotta go soon. it’s just wedge and barret down there today.”

“it’s just gonna be the three of you?” zack asks.

“yeah, so?”

“are you guys gonna be able to handle it by yourselves? it’s a busy time of year.”

cloud shrugs a shoulder. “there’s only three other volunteers. one of them is another college student who flew home to visit family. the other one is useless, which is why we’re having this conversation to begin with. and the third one got into some freak accident last week and is, like, comatose or whatever. so i’m kind of the only person they got.”

zack cocks his head, scratches it. “um… do you want me to tag along?”

“you?” cloud splutters. “zack, be real. have you ever even handled a cat before? they’re moody, fickle things who refuse to listen, and they’ll just do whatever they want regardless of what you say or do to stop them.”

“i think i’ll be just fine,” zack muses, giving cloud a rather pointed once-over that goes completely over the blonde’s head. “besides, wouldn’t wedge appreciate the help?”

cloud frowns. “i… guess.”

“okay. i’ll come with you, then.”

cloud tenses, expression going sour. it’s obvious that he knows zack is being completely logical, but of course, he’s bitter about it. naturally. why wouldn’t he be?

“fine. just don’t get in my way.” cloud pushes himself away from the table and gets to his feet. “get dressed.”

“in what, my invisible clothes?”

cloud rolls his eyes. “you can borrow some of mine, okay? let’s just go. we’ll stop at tifa’s cafe for breakfast on the way.”

zack feels the sudden weight of last night’s events all at once, like someone’s reared a fist back and popped him so hard in the jaw that he forgets his name for a solid five seconds. then:

“we can’t go together,” zack says, scandalized. “are you crazy? it would be horribly out of character for both of us. also, tifa would be suspicious. or worse, she’d kill me.”

“what? why would tifa kill you?”

“she… um…” how would zack even begin to summarize their conversation at the party? it feels like it happened a million years ago. also, it’s kind of too late now that zack knows what cloud tastes like. “i don’t know.”

“weirdo. we’ll figure it out.” cloud grabs a black hoodie from off the back of the couch. “either you come with me now, or i’m going to leave without you.”

“okay, fine.” zack huffs. “i’d rather not have to walk all the way there. can you at least wait for me to get dressed?”

“i guess,” cloud says, kneading his eyelids with his palms. “fucking hurry.”

and so, zack darts upstairs and starts rifling through cloud’s drawers. he finds a pair of black sweatpants that kind of fit, even though they’re kind of high on his ankles. then, in a moment of utter possession, he snags a yellow sweatshirt from cloud’s closet.

it takes him about five minutes to wrangle it over his head because he gets so consumed with the smell of cloud’s skin, but that’s beside the point.

he decides he’ll just… leave his jacket behind here. it’s a fair trade.

“took you long enough,” cloud seethes as zack bursts back into the kitchen. his eyes momentarily rake across zack’s frame, dressed in nothing but his own clothes.

to zack, it’s a ephemeral victory. but a victory nonetheless.

“sorry, i was… having a stroke.” zack pants. “i’m ready. where’s your car parked, anyway? is there even a place for you to park around here?”

cloud pauses in the doorway. he glances back at zack with an amused expression, and it catches zack off guard.

at current, cloud has two default settings: annoyance or disdain. to see something akin to pleasure on the blonde’s face takes zack completely out of his element.

cloud asks, “my car?”

“i’m not getting on that thing.”

that thing is cloud’s motorbike, which is sleek and black and definitely a deathtrap. still, watching cloud mount the bike makes it strangely more appealing. zack shifts his weight to his other foot. he worries the hem of his shirt between his fingers.

“you’re kinda out of options,” cloud says simply as he pulls black goggles over his eyes. it’s the same pair that he was wearing when zack first met him, which feels. surreal now. “either you get on, or i hope you’re a good runner.”

“i don’t like running,” zack whimpers.

“then get on.”

“but what if i fall off?”

“you won’t fall if you hold on tight enough.”

hearing that sentence come out of cloud’s mouth is shellshocking. horrific, even. zack’s brain temporarily short-circuits. his palms are unusually sweaty. still, zack edges closer anyway, peering at the bike like it’s gonna sprout a large jaw and eat him whole.

“would you hurry up?”

“sorry. i just, um. i’ve never ridden a bike before. well, normal ones, yeah. i know how to ride a normal bike. i’m not a loser.”

cloud answers this with a long stare. at least, zack thinks he’s staring. the goggle lenses are tinted and he can’t see cloud’s eyes at all. zack sucks in a deep breath and mounts the bike, going to great efforts not to touch cloud in the meantime. he’s not sure why. nerves, probably.

cloud mumbles something under his breath. it sounds something like, too late for that.

“okay. i’m on,” zack says.

“you don’t say.” cloud pushes the key into the ignition and kicks up the sidestand.

“yeah,” zack stammers, his heart pounding. “so, how fast does this thing usually go? i’ve heard some stories about people going really fast and exploding. not that i’m afraid of dying or anything. i think dying is, like, so cool. by the way, does this thing have a seatbelt? not that i need one, i’m just curious. i-”

the rest of his sentence is cut off by the sudden roar of the bike.

“oh jesus christ.”

“you’re gonna want to hold on,” cloud tells him, and zack swears that he’s smirking. zack has half the mind to reach over and smack it off his face, but he doesn’t, because he’s too preoccupied with hesitantly gripping cloud’s sides.

“tighter,” cloud says, and zack barely catches it, it’s so soft.

zack wraps his arms around his waist. he feels nauseous. his mouth is right up near cloud’s ear, so he tries not to shout as he asks, “like this?”

if he weren’t so close, he wouldn’t be able to see the back of cloud’s neck. which, as soon as zack touches him, breaks out in goosebumps. it reddens slightly, just enough for zack to notice, but he has exactly a split second to process this before cloud releases the clutch and the bike rips out into the street. someone screams, and zack quickly realizes it comes from himself.

the air is sharp. zack keeps his face pressed against cloud’s hair, because not only does it deflect the whipping wind but it helps him keep his eyes shut.

cloud’s waist is so tiny. he smells good, like something comforting and familiar and safe. zack wishes he could enjoy it, but he’s trying too hard not to puke. it’s kind of like flying, except zack can’t control how fast they go, and all he can think about is the fact that they’re hurtling towards tifa.

still, underneath the soul-gripping terror, it makes zack feel sort of breathless. especially because he’s holding cloud, who’s so muscular and sturdy and-

“i can’t breathe,” cloud tells him. zack startles. he loosens his grip and nearly slips off the bike, but digs his fingers into cloud’s ribs at the last second. he feels cloud take a sharp, agitated breath in.

they drive for a little while longer, eventually easing to a stop. zack lifts his head, sees that they’re sitting at a red light. the engine rumbles idly underneath them.

cloud taps his fingers impatiently against the clutch. zack’s chest is pressed up against cloud’s back, and his chin nearly rests on the top of his head.

after a second, cloud says, “zack.”

“yeah?”

“do you remember what you said to me last night?”

zack frowns. “no. when?”

“twice, actually,” cloud corrects himself, as if it’s nothing. “the first time, you were out of it. the second time, you were half-asleep.”

“oh.” zack’s prone to saying embarrassing shit when he’s falling asleep, but isn’t everyone? “was it bad?”

they both stare ahead at the red light. weirdly, zack doesn’t really want it to turn green so they can sit here forever. cloud feels slightly warmer than usual.

cloud shakes his head. “forget it.”

zack nods tensely. the light blinks green, and they take off again.

the cafe is about a ten minute drive from cloud’s. the short timespan barely gives zack any time to process his emotions, and when they arrive, he feels queasy with anxiety.

“okay, you can get off,” cloud tells him.

zack really doesn’t want to, but he slips from the bike anyway. cloud sets the sidestand down and slides his goggles up to his forehead. a chunk of blonde hair falls into his face, covers his eyes.

“you feeling okay?” cloud asks.

zack blinks dumbly. “yeah. why.”

“you’re staring at me.”

“oh. i have, um, indigestion.”

cloud gives him a weird look. zack looks away.

“whatever,” cloud sighs. he shoves his way ahead. “let’s go. i’m hungry.”

the cafe is kinda small, but the building looks cozy enough. distantly, though, guilt has made its conscience known and waits inside zack’s head, waiting patiently for him to slip up. still, they pass through the doors unscathed, and the rich scent of espresso beans washes over them.

zack follows behind cloud like there’s an invisible leash around his neck.

“cloud!” tifa exclaims from behind the espresso bar. she’s wearing a cute black apron, her hair done up in a high ponytail. “good morning! do you want the usual?”

“yeah, that’ll be fine,” cloud says. he pulls his wallet out of his sweatshirt pouch.

tifa flushes. “oh, don’t worry about…”

she trails off, her eyes hardening as they finally skim over zack. zack’s suddenly consumed with the memory of cloud’s mouth around him, like a soul curse, and he struggles to separate himself from it as quickly as possible out of fear that she can smell it on him.

“hey zack,” she says casually. “you sleep well last night?”

zack laughs, like a hiccup. “me? oh yeah. i slept on the couch and everything.”

tifa stares at him. the panic he feels is bloodcurdling, like someone’s gripped his heart in an iron fist and started squeezing the life out of it. for some reason, probably completely unrelated, he starts to go partially deaf in one ear.

“can i get an iced latte, actually?” cloud asks, oblivious. he’s squinting at the menu.

“sure!” tifa puts a shot down, her knuckles white with tension as she tamps the grinds. never once does she take her eyes off of zack. he stares back at her, hopeless and afraid. “where are you guys headed?”

“zack’s gonna help me out at the store.”

tifa nods, testing the weight of this. she grabs a carton of milk and unscrews the cap. “you guys, uh, getting close or something?”

“tifa,” cloud hisses, mortified. “no. he’s just helping me out, okay? don’t be weird.”

“who’s being weird? i’m not being weird.” tifa passes an iced latte in cloud’s direction. she grabs them a couple of pastries, placing them with utmost care into a box. “just asking a simple question, that’s all.”

cloud opens his wallet: tifa reaches over and puts a gentle hand on his wrist. “stop. i don’t want your money.”

cloud stares her down, like he’s gonna fight her on it, and then sighs. he turns around to look at zack. “you want anything?”

“uh,” zack mumbles, terrified. tifa crosses her arms.

“just make him an iced latte, too,” cloud says, rolling his eyes. “sorry. he’s an idiot.”

“oh, i know,” tifa says, clipped. she starts another shot, this one suspiciously watery. zack’s hands are so clammy and he fucking hates it and he wants to leave. like, yesterday. even worse, all he can think about is cloud’s mouth on his.

“do you guys think it’s hot in here?” zack asks, raggedly. “it feels hot in here.”

“i think you’re just losing your mind,” cloud supplies unhelpfully. as tifa finishes up zack’s latte, cloud grabs both his own latte and the box of pastries from off the counter. “i’ll see you later, tifa.”

“sure!” tifa says, sunshine all over. “stop by later so we can catch up.”

“sure,” cloud says with a smirk. “i simply can’t wait to hear about your long, long night with aer—”

tifa coughs, pointedly loud. a few customers turn their heads.

cloud grins, makes for the door. he calls over his shoulder, “come on, zack, let’s go. wedge is waiting.”

zack has never wanted anything more. of course, before he can grab his latte, tifa reaches out and yanks it out of his grip.

“that’ll be $4.17.”

the ride to the pet store feels even longer. probably because, the entire way there, zack is thinking about all the various ways that tifa could hypothetically string up his body and torture him for all eternity.

if cloud notices, he doesn’t ask. in fact, he’s adamant on ignoring zack until they pull up to the pet store. they park quickly, grab the box of pastries from the back and then head in.

wedge is standing by the front desk, throwing a large wave their way. he’s currently talking to an older woman holding three different bags of dog food. there are clusters of people standing around all over the place, and the noise in the building is almost unbearable.

behind the desk, punching away at the keyboard again, is barret. zack gets a distinct sense of deja vu. except this time, there’s a little girl stationed beside him with a head of dark hair, immersed in a diligent task: scribbling on some printer paper with a plethora of crayons.

“hey,” cloud mumbles as he shuffles over. he sets the box of pastries down on the desk and blatantly ignores the woman that he doesn’t immediately recognize. zack tries his best to stay as close to cloud as possible.

wedge holds up a finger, signaling them to wait as he finishes his business with the woman, and then sends her on her way.

“thanks so much for coming in, cloud. i really… oh? you brought zack with you today?”

zack waves. “i thought you’d want some extra help.”

“you’re a lifesaver.” wedge clasps his hands together in gratitude. “we literally haven’t had any sort of break all day. it’s just been people, people and more people. um, sorry that we can’t pay you.”

“i’m not here for the money,” zack says. a flurry of movement catches his attention, and he glances over to see the little girl on her tiptoes, doing her best to stare at him from behind the desk.

“daddy, who’s that?” she asks.

“daddy’s writing an email right now, pumpkin,” barret mumbles sweetly. he spares zack a half-glance. “oh, that guy? he’s a friend of wedge and cloud’s, sweetheart. don’t remember his name, though. kyle?”

“zack,” zack supplies helpfully.

barret nods. “keith.” he makes to continue his email, but cuts zack with a cold look first. “be nice to my daughter or i will beat you into the floorboards.”

“heard.”

“my name’s marlene,” the little girl says. she flashes a wide grin in zack’s direction. “are you cloud’s boyfriend?”

zack—

“no,” cloud answers for him, as if zack doesn’t have a mouth himself that’s fully capable of working.

“really?” marlene asks, unsure. “i dunno, ‘cause that’s not what wedge told me.”

cloud turns his head, poisonously slow, to glare at wedge. wedge, bless his heart, isn’t meeting cloud’s eyes at all: instead, he’s selectively decided to direct all of his attention to marlene.

“why don’t you finish your drawing, marlene? i wanna see it.”

“hmm. okay,” marlene says. she glances at zack, sticks her tongue out at him and then darts back over to her chair beside barret. “i’ll try to finish as fast as i can. it’s just really hard being an artist.”

at marlene’s words, barret’s face peaks with the gentlest shape of love that zack has ever seen.

“you’re doin’ great, angel. the best artist in the whole world.”

“thank you, daddy. now, shh. i’m busy.”

“you guys should probably head over to the cat room,” wedge says, still avoiding cloud’s deathgrip gaze. he slips behind the desk and begins rifling around. “zack, what shirt size are you? i’ll try to find one that fits.”

“oh, no need for that,” zack insists, lifting a hand. “i’m not an official member of your staff or whatever. i’ll just—”

“nonsense!” wedge lifts his head. “any friend of cloud’s is a friend of mine, okay? and you deserve your own t-shirt if you’re gonna be helping out. trust me, you’re gonna need some extra love if you’re working with cloud.”

cloud crosses his arms over his chest. “the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“i just mean that cats are pretty unpredictable, that’s all,” wedge says sweetly. he lifts a grey shirt to the light, inspecting it for quality, before tossing it to zack. “here. it’s a medium. that should work, right?”

“yeah,” zack says, floored. he catches the shirt. “thanks.”

“no prob, bro. now, you guys should go.”

“right,” cloud says, in a tone that very much insinuates that this conversation will be continued once zack isn’t around. he briskly turns on his heel and walks off. “come on, zack.”

zack follows without argument. he feels a bit like a lucky little boy on christmas, turning his new shirt this way and that. it’s the same that cloud had been wearing when he’d first seen him surrounded by cats. the pet patch is embroidered on the front in cozy black font.

cloud leads him over to a side door with a touchpad lock. he taps a passcode into it and the door unlocks with a click. of course, the moment the door opens, they are hit with the overwhelmingly loud noise of cats meowing everywhere.

“oh wow,” zack says, yells over the sound. “this sounds familiar.”

cloud’s gut reaction is to reach back without looking and punch zack in the arm, so hard that he nearly topples over. but zack takes it with a shit-eating grin that he wears proudly as he follows cloud into the room.

“we have 53 cats right now,” cloud tells him very seriously, the cutest teacher ever. “most of them are incredibly friendly, but there are a few that still aren’t very well adjusted and don’t like people very much. i’ll handle them, because they know me best.”

“okay,” zack says, very distracted by the sight of kittens all over the place. there’s a lack of cages, which makes him quite happy: instead, there are about 3-4 cats chilling in each glass-enclosed room, toys and cat trees littered all over the place.

one pair of orange kittens in particular catch his attention: they’re climbing over each other to peek up at cloud and zack over the glass, and are the tubbiest little fuckers zack has ever seen.

zack points at them wordlessly, his entire body vibrating with excitement.

cloud rolls his eyes. “aether and felix. they’re a bonded pair, so if anyone asks about either of them, make sure to tell whoever it is that they have to go together.”

“gotcha.” zack forcibly peels his eyes away from them to look at cloud. “where’s fenrir?”

“fenrir’s shy, so he gets his own little spot. i’ll introduce you after you get changed.” cloud jabs a thumb towards a door marked staff only. “that’s the bathroom. you can change in there, and then help me get everyone’s lunch ready.”

zack’s not sure why, but the fondness that’s slowly begun to creep into cloud’s voice is tantalizing. instead of unpacking this, he wordlessly darts into the bathroom. once the door is shut and locked behind him, he presses his hands to his face and leans back against the wall.

what the fuck is wrong with him? it’s just cloud, his chemistry lab partner. there’s literally nothing going on between them. right? what happened last night shouldn’t be impacting him this much: they were both drunk, and—

who is he kidding. zack is hopeless, and following cloud into a den of kittens was the worst fucking idea he’s ever had.

zack sighs as he peels cloud’s sweatshirt from his body.

no amount of self-imposed guilt or humiliation is going to change the fact that he’s begun to like cloud a little too much. what he can do, though, is grin and bear it.

and obviously, if he does that for long enough, the feeling will go away.

zack pulls the staff t-shirt over his head. it’s a little tight on his shoulders, but it works. he folds up the sweatshirt under his arm — no amount of bitching on cloud’s end will ever convince zack to return it to him — and heads back out.

cloud’s nowhere to be seen, but he’s followed by the hungry stare of cats wherever he goes. it’s almost as if they can smell the shame on him: like he’s putting on some performance for them as he crosses through the thin, weaving hallways in a desperate search for cloud.

to make matters worse, his neck has started to itch. he scratches furiously at it.

“cloud?” he calls.

“over here.”

he’s close. zack follows his voice, passing by countless napping cats as he navigates his way through this hell labyrinth that he has nobody but himself to blame for being trapped inside. after a few minutes, he leaves one hallway and is relieved to find a room that opens up substantially.

cloud’s standing at a large counter, divvying up a monster-sized bag of food into six little bowls. he’s currently very focused on measuring out the correct portion in this tiny little scoop that he’s holding incredibly seriously, like the balance of the astral realm depends on him doing this task correctly.

zack groans to himself.

“hi,” he says after beating his guilty conscience into a pulp and then reassembling himself into the most normal guy ever.

“grab me another bag of food from over there,” cloud demands without looking, pointing off into some general direction that provides zack with no context whatsoever.

“sure, your highness,” zack deadpans as he starts rifling through cupboards. eventually, he finds a shelf with countless bags of food stacked side by side. “hey, um. what food specifically.”

“some of the cats are on special diets,” cloud explains. “i need the one with the blue label and grey cat on the front. i think it’s salmon flavored.”

“oh.” zack tugs one of the bags from off the shelf and flashes it. “this one?”

“yeah. let me see it.”

“are you sure?” zack asks, wary. “it’s kind of heavy.”

cloud sets the little scoop down with a frown. he turns to look at zack, finally, his eyes narrowed. and if his eyes casually rake their way across zack’s broad shoulders, the grey shirt that’s clinging onto zack’s abs for dear life—

well, zack is imagining everything anyway, so this is obviously just another fantasy that he’ll briefly toy with later as he prepares to commit an honor suicide.

“i can handle it,” cloud says after clearing his throat.

zack tilts his head, unconvinced. he passes the bag over. cloud takes it with one hand and sets it down on the counter.

“wow,” zack says, because he is annoying. “you’re stronger than you look, cloudy.”

cloud’s in the middle of grabbing one of the bowls, but at zack’s words, his hand jerks violently. kibble scatters all over the counter.

“shut up,” cloud spits, red all over. “grab the other bowls and follow me. we’re gonna go drop off the first round of lunch.”

“yessir.”

feeding the cats takes up about an hour of zack’s life, but he’s not complaining. as it turns out, cloud knows each cat’s needs like the back of his own hand. there’s a spreadsheet against the wall, with each cat’s name and their preferred foods, but cloud doesn’t spare it a single glance.

zack does. he’s a ball of nerves constantly and has no idea what he’s doing. as it turns out, cloud is an absolutely terrible teacher and has little to no patience. he moves quickly and with purpose, isn’t afraid to leave zack clawing for scraps. if zack takes too long doing something, cloud brushes him aside and does it himself.

also, the more zack handles the cats, the itchier he gets — as the little red dots start to fade into view on his arms, he starts to realize that there may be a problem. but the very thought of admitting this to cloud is like pressing his forehead against the barrel of a loaded gun, so zack keeps his mouth shut.

“okay,” cloud says. “we’re gonna go feed fenrir now.”

zack perks. for a blissful moment, he forgets about the profuse itchiness all over his upper torso. “the legendary? the one and only?”

cloud snorts. “you’re really that excited about it?”

“um, yes?” zack crosses his arms. “i need to make a good impression.”

“well, don’t try too hard. he’s shy and hates everyone.” cloud opens a cupboard above their heads, has to stand on his tip-toes to sort through it. zack reaches out to help, but cloud smacks his hand away. “it took me a solid month to get him to even feel comfortable being in the same room as me.”

“was he a stray?”

“something like that.” cloud’s voice develops an old, firm edge. “this girl and her mom brought him in when he was, like, two weeks old. they found him in a box on the side of the highway.”

zack’s chest goes cold. “someone just left him there?”

“yeah. it happens more than you’d think. but he’s fine now, so.” cloud finally grabs what he’s looking for: a little bag of treats, stashed away in the back. “fenrir’s special, so he gets three of these. don’t tell the others.”

“your secret’s safe with me,” zack says, smiles.

“good.” cloud sets the treats down on the table. he closes the top shelf, goes to another. “he’s a little weak still, so he needs certain meds, too. those should be around here somewhere.”

“uh,” zack tries, watching cloud struggle to reach around. “can i grab them for you?”

“no.” cloud wraps his hand around a ziplock bag. “they’re right here.”

“damn,” zack says, can’t resist. “if only you had some big, strong man to grab things for you off of the top shelf.”

cloud uses his free hand to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “you infuriate me.”

“like, in a bad way, or—”

before zack can finish, cloud shouts. he yanks his arm from the top shelf, knocking almost everything from it in the process: zack manages to catch one ceramic bowl, but three more fall and shatter on the floor.

“what just happened?” zack asks, frantic. cloud’s gripping his fingers in his free hand, his face pale and stricken with panic. “are you okay? cloud?”

cloud doesn’t answer, not at first. zack looks up into the shelf. there’s a stray box cutter sitting there, the blade exposed and gleaming with crimson. heart pounding, he immediately crosses over to where cloud’s standing, immobilized, clutching at his fingers.

thick threads of red are beginning to spill through the tight gaps, trailing down the heel of his hand. cloud watches the blood like he’s not really there, his shoulders shaking.

“cloud,” zack whispers, adrenalized. “let me see.”

pale, cloud shakes his head. “i messed up.”

“what? cloud, show me your fingers,” zack begs, lost. cloud has this stranded look in his eyes like he’s drifting far, far away and it’s starting to make zack panic a little. “cloud, it’s okay, really. it probably just looks a lot worse because of the blood, so—”

“i messed up,” cloud spirals, eyes unfocused. he sways, lowers himself to the floor. tears fill his eyes as he chokes out, “i’m so sorry. i messed up. i messed up—”

“hey. hey hey hey.” zack follows cloud to the ground, pulls him in. the tremors are starting now. and just like last night, zack clutches cloud as he has no choice but to ride through them, panting raggedly.

“i’m right here, cloudy. okay? i’m right here.”

cloud makes a strangled noise like he knows, but he can’t find his way out. zack holds cloud against his chest and takes his hands, gently pries them open.

there’s blood everywhere, soaking cloud’s palms. it looks horrific, but the cut itself is tiny, a deep little abrasion on cloud’s index finger.

“see? just a little cut,” zack says shakily, overridden with worry. he presses a long kiss to the crown of cloud’s head. “you’re okay, baby. just keep following my voice, okay? bend your finger if you can hear me.”

it takes almost ten seconds, but through the obliterating haze of panic, cloud twitches a finger. zack wants to cry.

“good job, baby. i’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“it’s really dark,” cloud manages through his tears. “i don’t… i don’t like it here.”

zack’s heart aches. “i know, baby. try and tell me where you are, i’ll come find you.”

“i can’t,” cloud sobs. “he— he’ll—”

“i’m the only one that can hear you,” zack says as convincingly as he can. cloud’s blood is soaking both of them now, but he doesn’t care. “you and i, we’re so close, nobody else can hear us. cloudy skies and fair weather, remember? it’s just you and me.”

“okay. i’m… i’m…” cloud gasps, struggles to catch his breath. “i’m in my bathroom. a really long time ago. i’m hiding in the bathtub.”

“in the bathtub?” zack whispers, tries to make sense of it. “what else can you see, baby?”

“i don’t know.” cloud starts slipping again, chest falling and rising rapidly. “i don’t know, i don’t know, i just— i messed up, i shouldn’t have told him where—”

“is there a window?” zack croaks, clutched desperately around cloud’s shoulders. he rocks the both of them back and forth, easy, soothing. “a window you can reach? remember the window in your kitchen, the one you and i climbed through? you see one like that?”

to zack’s insurmountable relief, cloud laughs breathily. zack clings to it like a lifeline.

“yeah,” cloud says through gasping breaths. “i see one.”

“go over to it, baby.”

“he’s gonna hear me—”

“he won’t hear you,” zack murmurs, dizzy with anger suddenly. he thinks of the faceless guy wandering through cloud’s nightmares, wonders how satisfying it would be to feel the snap of cartilage under his fists, wonders what his blood would taste like. “just you and me here, remember, cloudy?”

“okay,” cloud whispers. slowly, his shoulders begin to calm. his breath levels. “my head hurts.”

“you’re doin’ so good, though, baby.”

slowly, cloud’s fists clench and unclench. he blinks, hard, as he begins to return to himself. zack holds his breath, ready to reach out and grab him again if he tumbles back over the precipice—

cloud lifts his head. meets zack’s panicked gaze with confused, shimmering baby blues. “zack?”

“hi cloudy,” zack breathes, welling up with relief. he uses his shirt to dry cloud’s cheeks.

“hi?” cloud lets him, but hesitantly. he glances around. “what are we doing on the floor?”

“you cut your finger,” zack says. cloud’s trying to free himself from his grasp now, but zack’s wary of letting him go just yet, worried about what will happen if he tries to get up too fast. “you’re fine, though. just a little scratch.”

“oh.” cloud pauses. inspects his hands, which are drenched at this point with flaky, half-dried blood. he blinks, dazed. “i need a band-aid.”

zack laughs, exhausted to the bone. “hell yeah you do. where’s a first aid kit?”

“top shelf,” cloud says. he stumbles to his feet. “i can grab—”

“no, you don’t,” zack says, steadying him by the shoulder. “i’ll grab it. don’t worry. you wanna rinse your hands off?”

cloud nods, slow. once he’s situated by the sink, zack reaches up into the top shelf, grabs the box cutter and sets it down on the counter. then he grabs the first aid kit, tucked away in the back—

“what color?” zack asks, flicking his finger through all the multi-colored band-aids inside. “we got some pink, green, orange, blue…”

“blue,” cloud replies, still sounding a bit hazy. he wanders back over, hands and wrists washed clean. the cut is already starting to bubble over with blood again. zack makes quick work of patching him up, wiping the cut clean with antiseptic and then wrapping a blue band-aid snugly around it.

“good choice, it matches your eyes.”

cloud grumbles, shoves at him. zack’s so fucking relieved he wants to sob.

“did we feed fenrir yet?”

“not yet,” zack says. he takes quick notice of the way cloud’s surveying the area, now, the powdered ceramic shattered all over the floor. “why don’t you go get started? i’ll clean everything up over here.”

“are you sure?”

“cloud, i have never been more sure about anything in my life. genuinely. i’ll be right behind you, ‘cause i really want to meet fenrir and—“

cloud frowns. “zack.”

the cognizance in his voice is viscerally heartbreaking.

“yeah?”

“i was being weird just now, wasn’t i?”

zack swallows around the lump in his throat. “no, not weird. you just… i couldn’t reach you for a sec. that’s all. you’re here now.”

a heavy silence falls over them: the frustration on cloud’s face is unsettling. he lifts his finger, stares long and hard at the neon blue bandaid.

“sorry,” he says, guiltily. “usually it’s tifa who has to deal with that.”

“hey,” zack whispers, squeezes his shoulder. “you didn’t make me deal with anything, okay? you’ve been through some insane shit. your brain’s just working through it, that’s all. i’m happy i was here.”

cloud considers this: a fog of emotion that zack can’t read passes through him. then he rolls his shoulder away from zack’s reach. “yeah, whatever. i gotta go feed fenrir. you should come with me. i’ll clean this shit up later.”

“cloud—”

“zack, drop it for now. please?” cloud asks, quietly.

there’s so much else that zack wants to say, but the urgency in cloud’s tone cuts all of his thoughts short. instead, zack takes a deep breath. he nods.

“okay. um.” zack lifts up his blood-stained hands. “i should probably wash these first.”

“you…” cloud slaps a hand over his face. “hurry.”

fenrir’s little room is towards the front, down one of the very first hallways. zack’s still anxious after cloud’s little spell, and as a result, zack’s holding the towering bowl of food and little bag of medication.

it’s virtually nothing at all, but zack refused to let cloud carry any of it. he writes it off as being over excited to meet fenrir — the legendary, famous little guy — and cloud makes a face, but doesn’t argue. thankfully.

“ready?” cloud asks.

“no. why am i so nervous?” zack exhales shakily. “it feels like i’m about to meet your mom or something.”

cloud rolls his eyes. “don’t be delusional.”

“you sayin’ i could never meet your mom? i’m sure she’d think that i’m a fucking delight.”

“shut up,” cloud sighs. “anyway, don’t be offended if fenrir doesn’t come over to you. he’s very shy and hates everyone.”

“except for you?”

“of course.” cloud pushes the door open with a smug air about him. “just come in really slow, because he’ll probably be really scared at first. but—”

he’s cut off by a loud, shrill meow. up until this point, fenrir’s been curled up on a small bed overrun with toys in the corner. of course, the moment the door opens, fenrir jumps to his tiny, stubby feet and comes tearing over like he’s about to die of starvation.

“oh my god,” zack whispers, lovestruck. “cloud, he’s— oh. his little legs. cloud. oh my god. i’m gonna cry.”

“grow up.” cloud crouches down to the floor and fenrir barrels into him immediately, rubbing his little tuxedo-colored head all over his palms. “hi, baby. i love you. i missed you so much. look at you— so big and strong. have you been napping all day? i…”

zack has a hard time paying attention after that, because the combination of cloud’s cooing voice and the words baby and i love you spilling out of his mouth are making zack rage a little. in a normal way, like there’s a big burly man inside his chest trying to kill him.

when cloud starts praising fenrir’s nonexistent little muscles (he’s now scooped up the kitten and is kissing the top of his tiny head) zack really starts to feel out of touch. he’s so vividly aware of the fact that he, too, has muscles. and he, too, is big and strong. and—

“zack,” cloud says, annoyed.

zack smiles, dazed. “huh.”

“can you stop being stupid for one second? fenrir’s hungry.”

“oh. right.” zack crouches down. he sets the bowl of food down, opens up the bag of meds and fills the tiny dropper with clear-colored medicine, like cloud showed him earlier. “here.”

cloud takes the dropper, angles fenrir in his muscular arms and pushes the medicine into his mouth. the kitten clearly hates the taste of it, but allows cloud to administer it anyway, like the best little boy in the entire world. he’s so fucking cute that zack wants to cry. he wants to scream. he wants to squeeze him ‘til he pops.

fenrir, not cloud.

actually—

“are you fucking okay today?” cloud asks, snapping his fingers in front of zack’s face.

“no. i’m not.”

“well, snap out of it.”

zack glares at him. he sets down the bowl of food. fenrir starts thrashing around violently in cloud’s arms, like he’s a starving orphan who hasn’t eaten a morsel of food in weeks. once cloud sets him down, he barrels over to the bowl and starts devouring it.

“he’s cute,” zack admits.

“yeah, i know.” cloud stretches. “he’s my son or whatever.”

“why don’t you adopt him?”

“i can’t,” cloud sighs. “my dipshit landlord won’t let me.”

“just…” zack thinks about this, long and hard. “adopt him anyway.”

“i’d kind of prefer not to get kicked out of my house,” cloud says. he turns to look at zack scornfully, and this is when he finally notices zack’s arms. “uh—”

“um, hey,” zack says immediately, turning them out of his view. cloud gives him a filthy look and grabs his wrists, angling his arms so that he can take a look at them.

“is this a fucking allergic reaction?” cloud asks, exasperated. “you’re allergic to cats?”

“no?”

“zack.”

“i didn’t know!” zack says, self-conscious. he rips his arms out of cloud’s grip and brings them in. “it’s fine. it doesn’t hurt at all.”

“that doesn’t matter. you shouldn’t be here if you’re allergic.”

“um.” zack shoots a pointed look at fenrir. “keep your damn voice down. he’ll know i’m weak.”

“he already knows that,” cloud snorts. “fenrir can smell weakness. and you reek of it.”

“oh really,” zack says, challenging.

“yeah.” cloud cocks an eyebrow.

“that’s not what you were saying last night.”

cloud pouts mockingly. “what did i say, then? because i certainly don’t remember telling you how strong you are.”

“oh, so you just laid there between my legs because you wanted to.”

“yes,” cloud says, and then realizes. “fuck. i mean, no. you just… uh, you seemed so content up there, so i figured i’d just let you keep going, ‘cause—”

zack crosses his arms over his chest, waiting.

“‘cause— um.” the tips of cloud’s ears are beginning to burn a delicious red. “oh, shut the fuck up, would you? you’re the one who cried when you came.”

zack gasps. “i wasn’t crying. i was… coming with passion.”

“yeah,” cloud scoffs. “that’s what you call it?”

“what about you, begging me to choke you with my dick?”

cloud twitches. “i… didn’t do that.”

“you didn’t?”

“no.” cloud whirls away, furious and flushed. “whatever. i don’t want to have this conversation anymore.”

“of course you don’t.” zack stares daggers at the back of cloud’s head. “because if we continued, you’d have to admit that you like being held down and—”

before he can finish, cloud rears his fist back and drives it home, hard, in the center of zack’s stomach. zack grunts a little, staggers, and then crumples to the floor.

“enough,” cloud bellows.

zack lifts a finger. “i’m going to… take that as a victory.”

“take it as whatever you want.” cloud turns up his nose. “you still cried like a bitch when you came.”

“shut the fuck up, cloud.”

Chapter Text

from: professor tseng [[email protected]]
to: zack fair [[email protected]], cloud strife [[email protected]], reno sinclair [[email protected]], +20 others
cc: [all]
date: 23 december, 7:47 am
subject: saving your asses

hello, all.

i trust that you all had a good weekend.

by that, i mean that the school board is fully aware of reno sinclair’s party and the fact that there were several illegal substances on site. typically, they would turn a blind eye to these types of circumstances. however, students from other schools got involved and, reportedly, these institutions were not very happy about it. (we can’t afford a lawsuit)

at first, to comply with the other schools, the board was fully intent on expelling each student involved. unfortunately, for whatever reason beyond my existential understanding, that involves every single student in this course. that does not bode well for my end-of-the-year performance review. (aka i have worked way too hard for you assholes to rip my job out from under me especially you sinclair)

therefore, i was able to reach a separate compromise with them. it is my understanding that this party occurred off of school grounds, which was one point of leverage that i used during our discussion. (for many others, i had no choice but to plead the fifth. coke at a christmas party, guys? really?)

because i was able to miraculously convince them that, no, it was not sinclair’s intention to get countless other students involved in several varying drug scandals, i was able to successfully convince them to not expel any of you.

in exchange, i was forced to give you all zeroes for the final term. however, i may or may not have my doors open next monday at eight in the morning for a potential make-up lab, where completion to any degree will earn you a full passing grade.

i understand that some of you may currently be visiting family for the holidays. i will have an online version of the class live on monday so that you may be present regardless, if that is what you wish.

whether i have the displeasure of seeing you all or not, i hope you all have an adequate new year.

sincerely,
prof. tseng

from: reno sinclair [[email protected]]
to: professor tseng [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 27 december, 7:49 am
subject: re: saving your asses

dude fuck that lmao

sent from my iphone

from: professor tseng [[email protected]]
to: reno sinclair [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 27 december, 7:52 am
subject: re: re: saving your asses

reno,

let me rephrase this in a way that you will understand.

other school has big money. we are broke. you will be present on monday or i will show up at your house

regards,
prof. tseng

from: reno sinclair [[email protected]]
to: professor tseng [[email protected]]
cc: [all]
date: 27 december, 8:00 am
subject: re: re: re: saving your asses

make me

regards,
sent from my iphone

to phrase it lightly, zack is not pleased about the fact that he’s staggering into chem class at eight in the morning, iced coffee in hand. (7:45, to be exact. the very idea of getting expelled gave him about four separate panic attacks in the span of twenty minutes. he’s not taking any fucking chances.)

perhaps he would be in somewhat of a better mood if he’d been able to share his worries with aerith, but truth be told, he hasn’t spoken a word to her since the party. he’s not sure why (but is also incredibly positive that it’s due to her being on the phone, live in the room, while zack was getting head from a certain someone.)

that being said, zack doesn’t want to unpack the guilt. not now. he doesn’t have time for it: he has to make sure he gets this final assignment finished. getting expelled is something that simply just can not happen.

as zack sulks past professor tseng’s desk, he notices… well, several things, really. but there’s two things that stick out the most:

there is the subtlest trace of weed in the air. at first glance professor tseng just looks tired, but zack knows better, because he knows that specific scent of weed, mainly because reno had some of it on him at the party.

reno fucking sinclair is standing above professor tseng, twirling the tip of his red ponytail around his finger. giggling. professor tseng is choosing to ignore him entirely, and is typing away at his laptop screen instead.

zack tears his eyes away from them. it’s none of his business, sure, but he also just… doesn’t have the mental capacity to process whatever’s going on there. but fuck, does he wish he did.

he collapses into his lab stool with a sigh. it’s been two days since he helped cloud out at the pet store, and he hasn’t seen or heard from cloud since. not that he was expecting cloud to reach out, or anything.

okaynotreally. maybe he’d thought that, after the sloppy blowjobs they’d shared, there would’ve been something between them. a spark. a hasty morning text after the twenty-four hour mark with no contact.

a fucking postcard would have sufficed.

but zack isn’t exactly the brightest. he knows that. so maybe he’s reading too far into this: cloud doesn’t have to like him. he doesn’t. if he wants, the blowjobs can be meaningless. a hook-up. zack won’t be mad, really. if that’s what cloud wants, zack is happy to deliver.

(so anyway, he’s been apart from cloud for two days and the primeval desire to see him is tearing zack apart. so when cloud finally drags himself in, zack tries not to physically sit up at attention in his seat.)

it’s 7:59 at this point, and professor tseng is in the process of shutting the door. cloud breezes in out of nowhere, like an apparition. cloud doesn’t spare professor tseng a single glance — not even as their professor is staring daggers at the back of his head.

(it appears that, in the midst of all this, tseng is trying very hard to hold everything together mentally. zack wonders, distantly, if that is the inadvertent impact of getting involved with reno sinclair.)

cloud’s wearing his motorbike goggles, and zack’s jacket. zack is, of course, very casual about this small detail. cloud’s hair is windblown, as if he hadn’t dipped below 90mph the entire way here. the mental image this gives zack is both worrying and extremely erotic.

cloud stops at his and zack’s desk. he grabs his goggles and slides them up his forehead. what’s hiding underneath is a pair of dark blue eyes that are shadowed with exhaustion: deep bags that don’t relent.

“hey,” cloud mumbles.

in summarization: he looks half dead. zack is aroused.

“you look like shit,” zack tells him, because i haven’t seen you in two days and now i want to make out with you ‘til i go blind doesn’t seem like the appropriate way to go.

cloud gives him a filthy look, which is only emphasized by the dark rings around his eyes. he drops his bag with a solid thud, plummets into his seat and rests his head on his arms.

“what happened?” zack asks, leaning in closer. “didn’t you get any sleep at all last night?”

but cloud isn’t really in a talking mood, it seems. zack lists his head faintly, listening to the steady sound of cloud’s breathing. the blonde’s shoulders surge and then fall again, like he’s just yawned.

zack whispers, “was it the nightmares?”

“alright,” tseng says dryly from the front of the room. zack and cloud both look up: zack with unwilling enthusiasm, cloud just barely lifting his head to peek up from behind his arms.

“let’s get this shit over with. you have no idea how much i hate every single one of you right now for forcing me to come in here on a monday, after the end of scheduled classes.”

(nobody states the obvious: that tseng most certainly didn’t need to send out his email. it’s for the best. tseng means well, but he’s never been more exhausted in his life.)

across the room now, reno is watching the professor with an impish look about him, leaning back far in his seat, toying a pen between his fingers.

zack and cloud exchange a look, quick but pointed.

“this lab is going to be a bit different than the others, in the sense that you will all just be filling out these packets.” tseng lifts a stack of stapled pages. “you’ll work in your respective groups. answer each question. when you’re done, just leave your shit at my front desk and go. i don’t care what you do after. and have a… new year, or whatever.”

and thus, he begins handing out packets. the room quickly falls into a collective, mumbly hush as students start flipping through the pages.

some people immediately whip out their phones to look up the answers. tseng clearly does not give a shit.

he stops at zack and cloud’s desk, eyes them disinterestedly as he slides a packet to them. “good luck, blueberry boys.”

zack’s metaphorical tail is wagging furiously at this. beside him, cloud has a look on his face like he either wants to throw up or dig himself a hole to hell.

the packet’s pretty straight forward. three pages. there’s a list of focus questions that tseng has definitely ripped off of google, because some of them have never actually been covered in their class before and some of them already have answers pre-typed in.

the first that zack and cloud need to worry about:

four types of compounds.

“binary, non-binary, ionic, covalent,” cloud lists off sleepily, his cheek resting against his fist. his eyes are half-lidded. “write all of that down.”

“so i’m in control of writing down our answers?” zack asks, incredulous. “i have the worse handwriting out of both of us.”

“you’re not in control,” cloud says. “don’t you remember what happened the last time you tried to take control of an assignment? you almost—”

“yeah,” zack cuts in, because he’s annoying. “you were begging me to let you choke.”

cloud lets this affect him for maybe all of three seconds.

“and still you couldn’t hold back from coming after two minutes.”

“it was not two minutes.”

“no, it was.” cloud smiles. exhausted, but insufferable as always. “i was counting.”

zack pauses. he sets the pen down, calmly.

“you were counting,” he echoes.

“i wanted to see how fast i could break you down. two minutes was kind of a personal achievement for me,” cloud says. “anyway, didn’t you say that you’d had a blowjob before? yet there you were, stammering and coming all over. all at the inexperienced mercy of a guy who’d never put a dick in his mouth before. although i guess that’s to be expected of a virgin, right?”

zack stares at him, speechless. it is eight in the fucking morning.

“i can last longer,” he insists. it kind of sounds like a whine and he hates the way that cloud smirks when it comes out but—

“i’m sure you can.”

“what is that supposed to mean?”

cloud shrugs a shoulder, demure. “i just said i’m sure you can. i meant absolutely nothing at all by it.”

“okay, yeah, well.” zack squints. “i don’t like the tone you used.”

“i just think if you could’ve lasted longer, you would have.”

the air between them is growing steadily thick with tension, and zack is overwhelmingly aware of it. he swallows, hard. “are you challenging me?”

“why would i challenge you to do more if you couldn’t even last the first time?”

zack’s fingers curl into fists.

cloud’s setting up a tiny little version of hell for him, a honeytrap: zack is fully aware that he’s slowly slipping into it, but he doesn’t have it in him to try and climb back out.

“what’s up?” cloud murmurs. “you look pretty red, zack.”

“nothing,” zack twines. “i’m just— i’m thinking about how ugly and stupid you are.”

“my horrible ugliness and stupidity are what’s making you breathe so heavily right now?”

“shut up.”

“okay, okay,” cloud sighs, holding up a hand. “sorry. anyway, did you see tifa’s text? the one she sent to the group? she was wondering if we all wanted to go bowling to celebrate the new year.”

zack knows exactly which text cloud’s talking about. tifa had sent it last night just as he was about to go to sleep, so it was easy for him to pretend he’d never seen it.

the fleeting thought of attending had crossed his mind, but then aerith had sent an abundance of hearts, along with a firm yeah i’ll be there!, so that was the end of that.

“i’ve never gone bowling before, so. i’m good.”

cloud hums. “so that’s two things you’ve never done.”

momentarily, zack considers grabbing one of the beakers from off their desk and shattering it over cloud’s head. the murderous desire bubbling around inside him must show, because cloud bites down to keep from laughing.

“sorry,” cloud snorts. “i couldn’t resist, and—”

“anyway,” zack growls, red all over, “the idea of bowling just doesn’t appeal to me. nothing on god’s green earth could convince me otherwise.”

“i mean, i’m going,” cloud says.

a bitter taste rises in zack’s throat. “so what?”

“aerith is going, too. she’d be real disappointed if you didn’t show.”

it opens something terrible inside zack. the concept of disappointing aerith feels like cutting off his own fingers, one by one, until there’s nothing left. along with that, zack’s starting to feel a sharp, piercing sensation in the small of his back.

why, he’s not sure. zack’s never been very good at deciphering why his brain operates the way it does — usually, he depends on aerith for that. hearing cloud talk about her so easily makes him feel weird.

protective? no. zack’s smart enough to know that people don’t associate a backstabbing feeling with protectiveness. this is more personal, like—

“oh, sorry,” zack says, his conflicted heart taking over. “i didn’t know you were so close with her.”

an imperceptible shift happens in cloud’s face. the interlude of memory: when cloud seems to go somewhere else for a moment and then trickles back to reality like still water.

“that strike a nerve somewhere?” he asks, eerily calm.

zack shakes his head. “no. i just haven’t talked to her since the party, so…”

“well, it’s not like she hasn’t been trying to reach out.”

you shouldn’t keep secrets, zack, says the tiny shape of a younger aerith, eons ago. she’s standing beside a younger zack in the lake behind their school, the hem of her dress soaked from the water. it might be fine at first, but at some point they’ll swallow you whole.

“what do you mean?” zack asks, hackles raising dangerously because he knows exactly what cloud means — his most recent text from aerith, unanswered, was from earlier this morning.

cloud told me about the lab, good luck.

or something. zack hadn’t looked at it for long enough to be sure.

“she keeps asking about you.”

“oh,” zack says. his face feels way too warm all of a sudden. “she’s been texting you?”

“yeah?” cloud narrows his eyes. “why? is that a problem?”

“no, not at all.”

“it certainly sounds like one.”

zack doesn’t know why he’s so irritated, but at the same time he does. it’s not just the phone call: zack hasn’t spilled his heart to aerith in a while, and it’s starting to feel way too heavy for him to keep carrying around by himself.

“just drop it, okay?”

“you’re the one who asked,” cloud snaps. “why are you so pissed off?”

“i’m not pissed off.”

“bullshit. something’s bugging you.” cloud frowns, and then, slow, the realization begins to dawn on him. “is it because you feel guilty? ‘cause you answered her phone call while you were—”

he doesn’t get to say the rest, mainly because zack’s brain melts out of his ears before cloud gets the chance to. zack shoves at him, and it’s supposed to be a quick, pointed means to get him to shut up. but the thing is, zack’s way more worked up than he realizes, and he shoves a little too hard.

before zack knows what’s happening, cloud’s shoving back at him. the combined momentum topples them both over, and they hit the floor, their stools crashing loudly behind them. zack’s head hits the linoleum and he sees stars. someone yells, and zack isn’t sure if it’s one of them—

“my god,” reno shouts from across the room. “my god, the twinks are fighting—”

“you’re one to talk,” cloud shouts, somewhere between a fist and a jabbing elbow. zack’s seeing double.

tseng is eyeing the situation as it unfolds, vaguely aware but not really caring. he reaches over and takes a sip from a thermos that he definitely brought from home.

then cloud’s climbing on top of zack, and zack can’t have that.

they push blindly at each other, stupid as hell — zack’s gasping and he doesn’t know why, and there’s the little kid version of aerith watching him from the back of his head, her index finger pressed gently against his lips, a droplet of water sliding down zack’s chin as he stares back at her—

somehow, cloud gets ahold of zack’s biceps. he slams zack’s arms back, hard, against the ground, and makes quick work of restraining him.

zack’s pissed and disoriented but he’s still hyperfocused on cloud’s baby blues as his vision clears, because of course he is, because no matter what he tries to tell himself, zack is—

“zack,” cloud says, his voice low and dangerous.

zack says nothing back. can’t.

both of them are breathing too hard, their faces too close to each other while cloud pins him to the floor, effortless, like zack’s made of paper. briefly, zack finds himself enraptured with how easily cloud’s holding him down.

blood’s pumping in zack’s ears, making it hard to think. he focuses on cloud’s eyes, just like cloud wants him to, feels the heartache of it spread throughout his entire body. but it calms him, infuriatingly so.

“the fuck’s going on with you?” cloud asks, angry.

“me?” zack gasps. “you’re the one texting aerith like you’re best friends or something.”

“because you refuse to text her back.”

“you already have a best friend, cloud,” zack says. “and she doesn’t like me very much. so if you could stay away from mine that’d be great.”

“okay. i’m pretty sure that, between us, i’m the one who has dibs on being an asshole,” cloud says. “so what’s going on? really.”

“nothing,” zack insists, his heart stretched line thin. “nothing is going on, okay? can you get off of me?”

“zack. look at me.”

“i am looking at you.”

zack’s always looking at him. that’s the fucking problem.

“if you feel guilty about what happened, you need to say something,” cloud tells him, softly now. he’s searching zack’s eyes for any sort of recognition. “she’ll understand.”

“i can’t,” zack whispers. it feels like his brain and his body are talking about two completely different things and the knowledge of this consumes him, like a deep black hole. “i was drunk and way too horny and not thinking and oh my god, i’m such an asshole—”

“i was complicit, too,” cloud whispers back. zack feels the weight of it like cloud’s just pressed his fingers into zack’s chest, made sure that his heart is still safely inside it. “you don’t see me shutting aerith out.”

“because you don’t know her like i do.” zack squeezes his eyes shut, head throbbing. “i just… i don’t know what to do—”

“well, first, you need to fucking breathe. you’re acting insane—”

“i don’t know how to handle anxiety, cloud,” zack continues as if cloud hasn’t even spoken. “aerith tried to get me in contact with this psychiatrist one time but then there was this one time i ate a chip off the floor. well i thought it was a chip. it wasn’t a chip. anyway jessie and aerith took me to this doctor who i guess was actually a horse veterinarian and after that i don’t really trust aerith’s judgment on doctors anymore so—”

cloud presses his palm over zack’s mouth. zack resists the instinctive urge to lick his hand. “okay. i get it. stop talking.”

zack nods, very strangely obedient suddenly. it probably has something to do with the fact that cloud’s straddling his hips. they’re riding a very dangerous line here.

with a sigh, cloud removes his hand. “i’m gonna let you go now, okay?”

“i could’ve broken free from you at any point,” zack says with a scoff. “you’re not that strong.”

cloud raises an eyebrow. “do you really want to test th— why is my palm… wet.”

“i dunno,” zack mutters, averting eye contact.

“did— did you lick my hand?”

“no?”

cloud grimaces, releases him. zack pretends that his biceps aren’t aching from how roughly cloud has been digging his fingers into them. “anyway,” cloud says as he rubs his palm on zack’s sleeve, “you’re coming bowling with us.”

zack pouts. “what if aerith hates me for ignoring her?”

“i promise that she doesn’t hate you,” cloud says. “just text her.”

“but i can’t tell her what happened between us after the party—”

“then don’t.” cloud tilts his head. “she doesn’t even know that something did happen. i don’t know, just… write it off as a ‘i was drunk and an asshole but i’ll never do it again’ type of thing.”

zack groans. “okay. okay, i’ll text her. but what if—”

“can you two get off the floor and just do your damn lab assignment,” tseng bellows from across the room.

both zack and cloud look up. nobody’s watching them anymore, but it’s obvious by the silence of the room that everyone’s been listening intently to their conversation. zack apologizes. cloud gets to his feet, picks up his lab stool and doesn’t give anyone the time of day.

once they’re both settled back in their seats, they begin working on their packet again. but their conversation still lingers between them, and eventually, zack can’t resist anymore. he whispers, “what has she been saying to you?”

“nothing much.” cloud writes something down in the margins of the packet. “she misses you. um, i guess she’s worried that she made you upset by leaving you at the party.”

“no,” zack moans, burying his face in his hands. “shit. i— i didn’t text her ‘cause… i don’t know. i didn’t think anything of it while we were drunk and everything was going on, but, afterwards. afterwards i felt so weird.”

“you’re also a virgin and have no idea what you’re doing, like, ever.”

“thanks,” zack says, glaring.

“i’m being serious. you’re just… testing stuff out. i don’t think it’s a huge deal if she doesn’t know. probably better that way, actually.”

“yeah.” zack exhales. “i guess you’re right.”

cloud flips to the second page while zack quietly cycles through his emotions. what could he even say to aerith, after not replying to her for this long? sorry?

jesus, he’s been so fucking hypocritical. back when aerith had first started talking to tifa, he’d been so upset that she’d kept it from him, but now… what the hell is zack doing? sure, if he did tell her, there would be a solid chance that she’d rat on him to tifa, but.

zack blinks. no, actually, that’s exactly what would happen. and he very much values his life over a secret. definitely. absolutely.

“you know,” cloud says without looking up. “the sooner we finish this, the sooner we get to leave, so you should probably help me.”

“oh!” zack leans in closer. “sorry.”

cloud reciprocates this by leaning closer, too: soon there’s only about three inches between them. their heads are quite literally resting against each other as they whisper over the packet. zack acts like this contiguity doesn’t send electric shocks up his spine.

“everything’s gonna be okay,” cloud tells him, his voice horribly soft. “if you want, i’ll help you form—”

a loud bang cuts him off. zack and cloud jolt, their skulls smashing into each other. they quickly recoil, each holding the sides of their heads, groaning.

across the room, tseng is glowering at a certain someone, who has just totally nudged a balance scale off of his desk and onto the floor, like a cat vying for attention.

“oops,” reno purrs.

“sinclair,” tseng says tightly. “you have no idea how expensive this equipment is.”

“how expensive is it?” reno rests his chin in his hand, his troubled turquoise eyes very wide and convincing. “what would happen if i broke something by accident?”

“you’d be paying for it out of your own pocket.”

“pretty big money we’re talking here, then, huh?”

“more than your little brain could ever imagine.”

cloud turns his head to look at zack, his neck cracking slightly. “you’re… seeing this too, right?”

“kind of,” zack whispers back, not wanting to read very much into it. “let’s finish this shit so we can leave.”

“yeah,” cloud agrees. “but first send a text to aerith. while i’m here.”

zack groans. “but—”

“shut up,” cloud snaps. “i want to know that you’re actually going to do it.”

zack glares at him, hoping to somehow sway cloud with sheer willpower, but of course it doesn’t work. he hunches his shoulders begrudgingly and takes out his phone.

after fifteen seconds of staring at aerith’s stacked, unanswered messages, he folds.

“i don’t know what to say,” he whines.

cloud grips the bridge of his nose between his fingers. before zack can stop him, he’s reached over and snatched the phone from his scrabbling hands. he punches his thumbs against the screen, quickly and violently, and then tosses the phone back over to zack.

“cl— you— wh— th—”

“there,” cloud says, annoyed. he returns to the packet.

“you can’t just—” zack stares at his screen. the text that cloud’s sent reads: hey, i’m sorry, i’ve been busy. “oh. okay. that’s not too bad.”

“what did you think i was gonna say?” cloud asks. “fuck you, i never want to see you again?”

“i just… hey, wait. how did you know what to do with my phone?”

cloud stares at him. “are you having an episode?”

“no,” zack snaps. “i thought you wouldn’t know how to use a modern phone, considering you’re still gripped by the stone age, using that little flip phone—”

“there is nothing wrong,” cloud bellows, clenching his fists, “with using a flip phone. why do you all—”

he’s briskly interrupted by zack’s pinging phone. anger forgotten, cloud slides closer so he can read over zack’s shoulder. zack rolls his eyes.

aerith [8:47 am]
asshole
i thought you were angry with me!

zack’s relief is insurmountable. he quickly taps out a response.

zack [8:48 am]
no! i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to abandon you
i saw tifa’s text btw, can we drive to the bowling alley together?

aerith [8:49 am]
yes
but under one condition

zack [8:49 am]
...what?

“hold still.”

aerith’s one condition: she’s the one who gets to pick out zack’s outfit.

and thus, the moment he’d stepped through the door, aerith had seized him by the wrist and dragged him upstairs. she’d had about seven different outfits laid out on the bed and usually, the sight of it would’ve made zack immediately want to dive out the window, but he holds it together tonight.

not only does he owe it to her, at least, but he’s also still riding a relief high. quite frankly, if aerith told him to throw himself into oncoming traffic, he probably would.

after two solid hours of cycling through different outfits, aerith settled on a red sweater — the collar of a white shirt poking through — and straight black pants. of course, this sparked a minor argument about how zack had wanted to wear something similar the last time they’d gone out together, but aerith had been quick to dismiss it.

see, this outfit looks good because i’m the one who picked it out, she’d told him.

zack won’t argue: it does look good. cutely, it matches her own outfit: red overalls over a white turtleneck. she’d insisted on matching this time around, because tifa and cloud had matched last time and apparently it’d made her jealous. anyway—

“ow,” zack mutters. aerith’s standing over him, practically in his lap as she fusses with his hair. a tiny red hairclaw is seized between her teeth. “you’re pulling my hair.”

“sorry, sorry.” aerith fondly combs her fingers through the dark strands. “i have to make sure you look absolutely irresistible this time. we can’t afford another screwup.”

zack almost cranes his neck to look up at her, but just barely controls himself. she’s told him about nine times to stop fidgeting, because it makes it harder for her. “what do you mean?”

“cloud completely outdid you at that party,” aerith says, as if this is obvious. “zack, it was embarrassing. but i will say, we barely had any time to throw something together for you. this time, you’re gonna blow him away.”

zack groans, wishes his cheeks weren’t warming. “i don’t… i don’t really care about that kind of stuff.”

“i do,” aerith says. “it’s a direct reflection on me.”

zack rolls his eyes.

“oh, and the highlighter — remember the highlighter?”

“yeah, yeah. i remember,” zack says, because how the fuck could he not. he’d had a real close look at the silver glitter across cloud’s face while they were making out and moaning into each other’s mouths like two feral virgins.

well, one feral virgin and one horny blonde dressed up like a fucking catholic schoolgirl. the very reminder of it is enough to make zack’s brain melt through his ears.

“well, this time, we’re gonna be matching too. i’m excited.” aerith pulls back, clicks her tongue. “alright, you’re done.”

zack lifts his head. his neck is kinda sore. “i like matching with you,” he says. “it makes me feel, like, pretty or whatever.”

aerith glows with happiness at this statement. she tucks her arms behind her back and smiles.

“good! it certainly isn’t a crime for a charming man to get all dolled up. cloud’s gonna take one look at you tonight and fall so hard, he’ll forget his own name.” she thinks better of that statement, suddenly, and frowns. “um, actually, with all the stuff tifa’s told me, i hope he doesn’t do that. but you know what i mean.”

“charming,” zack repeats, tilts his head. “i’m charming?”

aerith stares at him blankly.

“let’s save the stupidity for when we’re throwing big, heavy bowling balls, okay?”

exactly an hour and twenty-two minutes later, aerith turns to look at zack from the driver’s seat, her knuckles white around the steering wheel. her car is completely silent around them and the snow is falling heavily enough where the windshield is already coated in a thick layer, and unfortunately aerith can’t turn on the wipers to fix it.

“well, i’ll be honest. i had no idea this was going to happen.”

zack’s sitting with his face in his hands, knees pulled up to his chest as he resists the urge to reach over and strangle her.

“all of this preparation, aerith. all of this deep thought and planning to get to this bowling alley. and the one thing you didn’t get was gas. you didn’t get gas.”

“tifa’s been driving me around lately! i totally forgot that my car was low. besides, you could’ve looked over at my dashboard and saw the light, too. a reminder would’ve been nice.”

“oh my god aerith.” zack punches the dashboard once, twice. aerith cringes and stares out the windshield (the snow is so thick around them now that there’s no light inside the car.) “you saw the light and didn’t… why didn’t you say anything?”

“i thought we could make it.”

“i can’t,” zack says. he opens the passenger door and steps out into the night.

she’d managed to pull them over to safety before the car fully died, but the snow is still obscuring everything. the roads are black with it, like the world’s trying to smother them both so that no one will ever find them again.

“aerith, i can’t believe this.”

“oh, come on. this isn’t that bad!”

zack stares at her amongst the violent white trickling down around him. “sorry, i forgot you can’t see outside. there’s… nothing around for miles. we’re stranded on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere—”

“at least our outfits are matching, though,” aerith offers.

“oh, our outfits,” zack despairs, resting a hand against the hood to steady himself. “thank god our outfits are matching. i don’t know what the hell we’d do if, on top of being stranded in the freezing cold, we were wearing colors that clash.”

“don’t be dramatic. it’s okay. i’ll just call someone.”

“do you have any spare blankets in the back? any jackets, anything?”

aerith’s rifling through her purse for her phone. she frowns. “why?”

“because if we’re stranded out here for a while, we’re gonna need to keep warm somehow.” zack squeezes the bridge of his nose. a throbbing headache is starting to form between his eyes. “fuck, aerith. i guess we could huddle together for warmth—”

“ew, no.”

zack says nothing to that, mainly because he’s fighting the primal urge to pick up her car with one hand and launch it halfway across the planet. before he can do it, though, he’s quietly collecting himself and getting back in the car.

“back so soon?” aerith asks teasingly. the look that he gives her must be especially miserable, because her grin is particularly devious as her phone illuminates her features.

“just call someone.”

“relax, zack. it’s not like people won’t come looking for us if we don’t show up. i’ll call jessie.”

aerith does just this, puts it on speaker. it rings and rings and then jessie sends them to voicemail.

“hey, this is jessie! i’m busy and can’t get back to you. don’t even bother leaving a message ‘cause my phone mailbox is full and i don’t have the energy to clear it. i’ll call you back if i want to. bye!”

zack sets his lips in a tight line. aerith laughs at this like it’s the silliest thing in the world. she goes back to her contacts. “okay. it’s fine. i can just call—”

her phone powers down. the car is immediately swept into a total blackness.

somewhere in the darkness, zack lets out a primal whine.

“you didn’t charge your—”

“oh, yeah, because this is all my fault, zack. i can’t even believe what i’m hearing. this is just as much your fault as it is mine, okay? it certainly wasn’t my intention to have everything go to shit tonight. what do you even want me to say to you?”

“it’s not my fault that you’re so blinded by tifa that you completely forgot about the one person you were supposed to be taking care of!”

“who?”

“um, me?”

the two of them immediately descend into mindless arguing. they’re pointing fingers but of course, the car is so dark that they can’t see each other. this does nothing but make them angrier. aerith is in the middle of shouting something, zack’s head is craned back against the car seat as he groans—

“stop,” aerith says. she reaches out and tries to cover zack’s mouth. in actuality, his mouth is about a solid foot away from where she’s searching. “this is stupid. we’re fighting like we’ve been unhappily married for seven years. what about you? is your phone still working?”

“yes,” zack snaps bitterly. he grabs it out of his pocket. “because out of the both of us, i’m the one who was thinking. isn’t that sad, aerith? look at what’s become of us. you’re making me be the smart one.”

aerith rolls her eyes. “call tifa.”

“—i can’t even be dumb in peace anymore. how am i supposed to uphold my reputation as the cute, stupid one if y— sorry what.”

“just call tifa. i’m sure she’ll answer. she should be on her way to the bowling alley by now, so maybe she can stop and give us a ride. we’ll worry about my car later.”

“i can’t call her.”

“why?”

“well, because i… i can’t. my phone’s, uh, broken.”

aerith peers down at his phone, sitting fully charged and operational in his hand. she glances back up at him with one eyebrow raised.

“zack, seriously?”

“yes.”

“listen, i understand that you have this weird little thing going on with her right now, but come on. you’d rather freeze to death than speak to her on the phone for two minutes?”

“yes,” he repeats, without hesitation.

“oh my god.” aerith reaches over and snatches his phone from his hands. “i’ll do it myself.”

she makes quick work of finding tifa’s name in zack’s phone — it isn’t hard, considering her name is tifa with a plethora of demonic emojis next to it. aerith gives zack a long, heavy look before hitting ‘call.’

of course, it only takes about three rings before tifa picks up.

“what do YOU want.”

her voice is flat and devoid of any emotion.

aerith perks. “teef?”

“my flower!” tifa cries happily. zack pretends to gag. “what’s going on? why didn’t you call me yourself? are you okay? listen, i’m driving to the bowling alley right now, so—”

“that’s the thing,” aerith says sheepishly. “i… may have a situation.”

on the other end of the phone, there’s this sudden, horrible sound of brakes screeching and about five separate trucks laying on their horns. tifa swears. there’s another honk. tifa shouts to someone that, if they are so obsessed with being up her ass, maybe they should just climb inside of it.

zack gapes at the phone. aerith is smiling fondly.

then, after some shuffling, tifa’s back.

“hey, babe. what’s the situation?”

“well, my car died,” aerith says. “so zack and i are—”

“you’re alone with him?”

“yeah. but—”

“oh my god, why didn’t you say that to begin with? you poor thing. i’ll be right there. have zack send me your guys’ location.”

zack narrows his eyes. “um, i’m right here.”

“unfortunately,” tifa sighs. “just hurry, would you? i don’t want aerith to freeze to death.”

zack gently pries his phone from aerith’s hand. he shares his location with tifa, and then collapses back against his seat with a pout. not long after, there’s the crackly sound of tifa’s phone vibrating on the other end.

“just got it. i’m on my way, okay? sit tight.”

“okay,” aerith coos. “thank you so much, teef. i owe you one.”

“what the hell? no, you don’t. i’m your girlfriend. i’m supposed to be protecting you.”

zack perks at this. suddenly, aerith is red all over. he mouths, girlfriend?, which she wholeheartedly ignores to stare down at her lap.

zack crosses his arms over his chest, eyes heavy on her. the moment that tifa hangs up, he blurts, “so what was that we used to say, about keeping secrets?”

“oh, be quiet.” aerith chews on the inside of her cheek. “we were kids back then. things are different now.”

“i’ll keep that in mind.”

“i’m sure you already have,” aerith says with an all-knowing smirk. “at the party, you disappeared upstairs with cloud for quite a while.”

“we—” zack splutters, on fire. “we didn’t do anything. i—”

“yeah, yeah,” aerith snorts. “because tifa’s just irked with you all the time for no reason.”

“um, as far as i can tell, yes.”

aerith sighs. “cloud’s her best friend. don’t take it too personally, okay? she’s just worried that you’re too… casual with him. carefree is a better word, i guess. she thinks that it’s just gonna get the both of you hurt.”

“what?” zack furrows his eyebrows. “who told you that?”

“um, obviously tifa?”

“she talks to you about this?”

“of course she does! she’s my girlfriend.” aerith reaches over to ruffle his hair, careful not to disturb his red hairclips. “don’t worry about all that stuff, okay? you just focus on having fun with cloud. i know your heart’s in the right place. and i know he feels safe with you, too. if he didn’t, well… i don’t think he’d look at you the way he did.”

zack’s so touched by this he could fucking cry. he gets close: his eyes well up uncontrollably, and he’s glad the car is too dark for her to really see him properly.

it’s funny — he wasn’t aware of how desperately he wanted her to say something like this to him, until now.

of course, as soon as he realizes this, a tsunami of guilt washes over him.

“hey,” zack says. “i need to tell you something. the other night, when you called—”

he’s cut off by the sound of someone slamming their fists against the snow-covered windows. aerith screams, and that causes zack to scream too — they both clutch onto each other as a dark hand starts violently rubbing the white away.

a pair of brown eyes. faux freckles, a shiny moon-shaped earring.

“teef!” aerith shouts.

she opens the door.

“thank you so much for coming to save me.”

tifa’s standing in the snow, her arms crossed over her chest, long brown hair over one shoulder. snow’s dusted on the top of her head, her shoulders. she’s wearing black sweatpants, an unzipped white hoodie. it slides down over one shoulder to reveal the strap of a grey tank top.

“don’t worry about it,” tifa says, smiling softly. “i’m just glad you’re okay.”

“i’m great! zack’s been keeping me company.”

tifa’s gaze sharpens. she glances into the car.

zack wiggles his fingers in a sly wave, antagonizing her slightly from the safety of the passenger seat. it’s a bold move. he’s not sure where it’s come from. at the look she cuts him, though, he sinks back into the leather and wishes he could melt inside of it.

they pile out of the car — tifa takes it upon herself to carry aerith’s purse and makeup bag for her, ever the dutiful and helpful girlfriend. zack follows from a safe distance. the girls are already lost in a bubble of conversation, giggling excitedly to each other.

zack watches, rapt on each little motion. they orbit each other without words, communicating in little touches: aerith rests her hand on tifa’s shoulder, and tifa somehow knows that this means they need to intertwine their fingers.

of course, the walk to the car isn’t long at all — tifa’s parked a few yards ahead, blinker tapping rhythmically. but they don’t take their hands off of each other once. as they reach the car, tifa holds the passenger door open for aerith so that she can slide in.

zack opens the back door, could sob at the wave of heat that rolls out. his relief is immediately diminished, though, when he looks up and sees cloud staring back at him, wrapped up in zack’s coat.

this trip’s tiny details: faux freckles, bare legs, thick white knee-high socks. a black lip ring curled snug against his lower lip. zack’s mouth goes horribly dry.

“um, hi,” cloud says pointedly.

“hi.” zack slides in, shuts the door behind him. “i didn’t know you were gonna be here, too.”

“well, obviously i wasn’t going to be biking over in the snow.”

zack flushes. “yeah. obviously.”

“so tell me, zack,” tifa says casually from the front as the car pulls forward. “how did you allow the car to run out of gas?”

zack blinks. “um. it…wasn’t my car.”

“right, but double-checking things like that, especially if aerith is always driving you around—”

“tifa,” cloud says, jaw tense. “drop it.”

tifa narrows her eyes, but sighs.

“fine. but the next time this happens, zack, don’t expect me to take it easy on you.”

“i wouldn’t expect you to,” zack says. he glances over at cloud, to catch his eye — thank him, maybe, but cloud’s staring out the window, cheek in his palm.

there’s no parking available, so tifa drops zack and cloud off at the entrance while her and aerith go scouring for a spot. zack goes to hold the door open for him, but cloud shoves forward before zack has the chance and saunters in without even so much as a glance his way.

“bitch,” zack says after him.

“minute man,” cloud calls over his shoulder. he then promptly goes up to the front and pays for both himself and zack, says nothing when zack tries to argue with him on it. they ask about the lanes, and one of the staff members directs them upstairs.

everything’s neon, all soft leds illuminating the large space. they wash everything in deep pink, giving the world a dreamy glow as they navigate their way over to the stairs. distantly, zack can hear people hollering, bowling balls rolling across the ceiling.

it’s crowded, no doubt because of the holiday. cloud’s close behind him, but it still makes zack nervous that he’s not in an immediate line of sight. he spares a quick glance over his shoulder, notes the rising distress on cloud’s face.

“are you okay?”

“it’s busy,” cloud says simply.

zack considers this. he reaches down and takes cloud’s hand, intertwines their fingers.

“just so i don’t lose you,” he explains.

cloud might go red at this, or it could be pink neon dappling his features.

“i guess that makes sense.”

zack smirks. he turns and leads cloud upstairs.

as they ascend, the world around them gets a bit darker. cloud curls his fingertips into zack’s knuckles, cautiously — when zack doesn’t pull away, cloud tightens his grip.

the lanes are cast in rich blue, the polished floors giving them a sort of glassy hue. handfuls of people are already set up at their respective spots, laughing and shouting to one another.

zack and cloud’s group, they quickly find, are huddled around a little touch screen in front of lane seven. wedge sees them first, waves them over.

their table is already littered with fried food and two half-eaten pizzas. zack makes a beeline for the food as if he’s being magnetized.

a quick glance up at the screen above them reveals that they’ve already split everyone up into two different teams. only wedge has used his real name for the scoreboard: there’s also “cool guy biggs”, “polite” (this is when zack and cloud look over and see rude and reno in a bench, giggling to each other), and “c0cksleeve”.

jessie’s in the process of inputting her name. she squints at the screen like she’s trying to decipher government information.

“make sure it’s something good,” biggs says. he comes up beside zack and cloud to grab another slice of pizza. “gotta make sure we all know it’s you.”

finally, she punches something in and looks up at the screen. her name just reads “guilt kink”.

“i’m so glad you guys made it,” wedge says excitedly as cloud stares up at the screen in utter mortification. “where’s tifa and aerith?”

of course, zack’s desensitized to jessie at this point, so he just grabs a slice of pizza and starts inhaling it. “still looking for parking. they’ll be here soon.”

“for a while there, we thought you weren’t gonna make it,” biggs says, glancing sidelong at zack.

“i was busy,” zack tells him with a hurried shrug. “final lab and all.”

“which was bullshit by the way,” shouts reno from the bench. the group all turns to find him piled in rude’s lap. “i swear, i’m gonna find whoever snitched. it better not have been one of you twinks.”

cloud narrows his eyes. “why the hell would we rat ourselves out?”

“i dunno,” reno says with an innocent shrug. “you guys do talk kinda loudly when you’re arguing. it’d be easy to overhear something that you don’t want others to know.”

zack stiffens.

“who the hell invited you, anyway?” cloud snaps.

“jessie.”

zack and cloud turn to give the brunette matching dirty looks. she scoffs at them and flips her long ponytail over her shoulder.

“he’s cool, guys. unclench. also, it’s much more fun to have two plugs at the function,” she says. “which reminds me, i have edibles in my bag if you two want any.”

“no thanks,” zack mutters bitterly. “i’d rather not wake up naked thinking i just spent a long romantic night with bigfoot.”

“that happened one time,” biggs shouts. “the guy was just really hairy for some reason, okay? but when he hugged me, it felt like he could shield me from the harsh realities of the world.”

“yep,” jessie mutters. she reaches over and grabs a mozzarella stick. “straight as a board. anyway, how are you two doing? i see you’re getting quite close.”

“close?” both zack and cloud ask, mildly disgusted.

jessie gives them both personal, pointed looks. her gaze drops to their hands, still interlocked.

cloud reacts first. he rips his hand from zack’s with a start, horrified. zack makes it a point to rub his palm against his sweater like he’s just touched something putrid.

jessie rolls her eyes. “man… i just can not wait ‘til you guys find out about sex.”

“i know about sex,” cloud seethes, face furiously rosy. “i’ve done it before.”

“mhm,” jessie murmurs, smiling dangerously. “yes, because everything about you doesn’t just scream virgin with unresolved issues.”

“shut the fuck up.”

“so what are you wearing under your not-boyfriend’s jacket today, hmm? i’m assuming a skirt, seeing as the last time you wore one zack nearly launched himself into the stratosphere.”

cloud sets his jaw.

“well?” jessie crosses her arms. “let’s see it. you can’t hide it from us forever.”

“no,” cloud says scornfully.

“jessie, stop.” zack glares at her. “if he doesn’t feel comfortable, he doesn’t have to—”

“i’m not uncomfortable,” cloud snaps. “why the hell would i be uncomfortable? you saying i don’t look good in skirts or something? i’ll show you.”

zack lifts his head to stare, exasperated, at the ceiling.

but the damage is already done. cloud unzips zack’s coat with a huff, and zack would be lying if he said that the sound of it being removed doesn’t immediately hook his attention like cloud’s just blown a dog whistle.

this time, cloud’s skirt is white. it’s ruffled at the hem, and rests high above his knees. it matches the white knee-high socks, gives this sort of angelic illusion that would be innocent if not for the fact that, on his left leg, he’s wearing a single black garter that hugs into his thigh like it’s clinging on for dear life.

there’s a black strap attached to it that disappears up under the skirt; zack’s brain tries to process the information that there’s definitely a strappy black garter belt under there, too, just waiting to be torn off.

before that happens, though, he just kinda mentally implodes. which is fine: the intensity of this moment will return to him later, in the dead of night, to haunt him relentlessly.

cloud’s paired the skirt with a black tank top, sleeveless and cropped across his pale abs. of course, this top shows off the steady curve of his biceps so zack starts panting a little. unnoticeably, of course. surely.

“well?” cloud asks after shoving his coat into zack’s frozen hands.

zack attempts and fails to catch a line of drool that drips from his mouth to the floor.

jessie collapses back into the bench, sizing the two up with a cocky grin. “my work here is done. see, kitty? skirts are hot, especially on you. you certainly have the waist for it. just ask biggs, he can tell you.”

cloud’s ears warm with the sudden praise. it must throw him off, because instead of bitching, he turns without a word to punch his name into the little touchscreen.

somewhere in the background, wedge sighs. he makes his way over to one of the seats and starts rifling through his bag.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?” biggs asks, almost the same color as cloud now. his eyes follow cloud’s ass for about five seconds, but that’s okay, because zack can’t remember his own name anymore.

“you know what it means.”

“i don’t, actually.”

“well, zack certainly wasn’t the only one ogling cloud the other night.”

“what? i wasn’t—”

he’s interrupted by wedge, who’s pulled out a little spray bottle and spritzed him in the face. before jessie can say anything, he turns and sprays her, too.

“what the fuck is this?” jessie splutters, wiping her face.

“punishment for arguing,” wedge admonishes.

“no, i mean, what is it? why is it so bitter?”

zack slowly inches his way over to the bench, eager to separate himself not only from these three, but the tantalizing sight of cloud bent over the touchscreen.

“it’s… water?” wedge says, but it ends as more of a question.

“wedge.” biggs is smacking his lips. “is this… white wine?”

wedge frowns. he examines the bottle and unscrews the nozzle, sniffs its contents. “oh. oops. i thought i’d grabbed the other one.”

“why do you have a spray bottle of white wine?”

“sometimes i get too lazy to grab the actual bottle from the cabinets, okay?”

rude slides over to give zack room, holding reno still in his lap. zack takes a stiff seat beside them.

“are you telling me that you… spray cheap wine at yourself?”

“sorry, is that not the greatest idea ever?”

“no?"

“do your friends always argue like this?” rude asks.

zack sighs shakily. “yeah.”

and so it goes for the next twenty minutes. finally, tifa and aerith finally emerge from the staircase, hands interlocked, heads ducked together while they laugh about something. zack stares at their hands and feels an all-consuming, dull heartache.

they look a little lost at first, but finally identify their friends and dart over. aerith immediately goes towards the food and at first, is disheartened to see that there’s no pizza left. her face lights up, though, once zack passes her a slice he’s set aside.

the arrival of tifa and aerith start up even more conversation — aerith swoons over cloud’s outfit, cloud goes every single color in the rainbow — and of course biggs has to fill them in on the white-wine-in-a-spray-bottle situation, which takes a long time. 

finally, jessie starts to look restless.

“okay,” she shouts over the noise. everyone quiets. “i get we’re all excited to see each other, but i really want to kick some ass. aerith and tifa, go put your names into the system.”

this takes another five minutes — aerith and tifa put each other’s names in, and soon flower and teef join the lineup. zack suddenly realizes that he hasn’t had the chance to put his name into the pool, but then he squints at the board—

“who’s speedy?” aerith asks.

“zack,” cloud says around a mouthful of food. he eyes zack with a smug smile. “i put your name in earlier so you wouldn’t have to.”

zack hangs his head, does some deep breathing.

“so team one…” biggs stares up at the screen. “wedge, reno, jessie, zack and tifa. you guys are up first.”

wedge goes up first, and it’s painfully obvious he’s never been bowling before. tifa darts up to help him with his form and then, by his second turn, he’s knocked over seven pins. everyone goes absolutely ripshit with cheers.

then reno, who has to be yelled at to get off of rude’s lap five times before he finally gets up. right before he takes his turn, he turns and points at rude and says this is for you babe before getting two straight gutter balls.

it’s pathetic and zack feels like he’s gonna throw up. beside him, rude is grinning like an idiot.

when jessie’s going up, reno and her exchange this extremely complicated high-five in passing. there’s no such send-off between zack and tifa when they cross by each other, but tifa does give him the smallest nod that immediately makes zack feel a billion times better about their strained relationship, so.

team two is biggs, rude, aerith and cloud.

between biggs and rude, they rack up almost double the amount of team one’s points within five minutes. aerith is a bit timid as she stands up there with the ball, but everyone’s shouting encouragements — including cloud, who’s actually starting to smile and socialize, so aerith only laughs when she gets a gutter ball.

cloud gets up to go help her, and.

zack doesn’t have the heart to repress the overwhelming love he feels for the both of them. aerith teasingly shoves at cloud’s muscles as he helps her with the ball, and he flushes but looks kinda proud about it.

zack accidentally meets tifa’s eye. just for a moment, tifa smiles knowingly.

then it’s cloud’s turn. an extremely focused intensity comes over him as he stands there with the ball, and zack’s hands feel clammy. he leans into the shot, his skirt lifting deliciously over the back of his legs as he dips down.

the ball rolls, and everyone holds their breath. when it slams into the center pin and takes everything else with it, cloud audibly gasps.

biggs, rude and aerith erupt in obnoxious shouts. they rush cloud like an ocean of affection, and cloud lets it hit him — he’s too stunned to resist. they’re loudly chanting strike! strike! strike!

“we got the fucking ace,” biggs shouts, flipping jessie off. jessie reciprocates immediately, but they’re both laughing. “cloud’s gonna carry this entire team.”

cloud turns to beam at zack, starry-eyed. “zack! did you see? did you see me?”

zack stares back, breathless, smiling. “of course i did!”

cloud’s eyes shine proudly. he’s lost in bliss, flushed and laughing as aerith pulls him into a loose hug. she lists off praises and cloud soaks it all in, shining.

watching him, there’s something that zack quickly comes to understand that he relates to on an astral level:

the sound of bowling pins getting knocked over. there’s nothing else like it. especially when it’s happening over and over again, in nearly twenty different lanes, unrelenting and cruel and fateful.

“okay, okay,” reno shouts over everyone. “cloud’s the best, we get it, let’s move on. i wanna keep playing.”

“like you guys even have a chance to catch up,” biggs says.

“watch us, bitch.”

the rest of the game takes about an hour. team two absolutely sweeps, and after the excitement dies down — biggs drops to his knees and lets out a feral growl that clearly comes straight from his loins — they start another one.

the lingering, faintly guilty feeling in zack’s chest doesn’t leave.

it’s like his heart’s swollen. he starts losing track of how long he’s been staring at cloud’s mouth, his tiny waist, the black band wrapped tight around his thigh.

rude scores a spare, isn’t super thrilled about it. his team is quick to encourage him, though, and once he returns to his seat, reno swarms him with kisses.

zack watches them with growing confusion. he’s been catching snippets of their conversation throughout the evening: just small things, like i love you and who’s my good little baby? and say that shit again and i’ll have tseng fuck you for me.

needless to say, zack’s fucking perplexed. but when he mentions it to cloud, the blonde gags and forces him to make a silent pact to never talk about it again.

after reno’s turn, cloud’s up. he takes some extra time grabbing one of the balls from the rack because he needs to lean down to do it, and he knows zack is watching.

he shoots, knocks down nine pins. the last pin is standing stubbornly off to the side, adjacent to the gutter. cloud glowers at it. when he crosses back over to grab another ball, zack’s eyes wander and that’s when he finally notices them for the first time.

three guys, sitting at one of the other tables, their eyes glued on cloud like they wanna eat him alive.

and of course they are, because cloud’s a pouty-lipped muscular blonde with an attitude problem and zack isn’t fucking blind.

but.

once zack notices, he can’t stop. his knee bounces as he watches cloud line himself up: oblivious to the attention, the utter chokehold he has over both zack and these three dudes who are grinning and shoving at each other like idiots.

cloud doesn’t belong to him. this, he knows.

but it’s the way they’re jeering, laughing. something about it reminds zack of scumbags he would’ve gone to high school with, the ones who obsessed over shoving their dicks inside anything that moved.

zack doesn’t fucking like it.

cloud finishes his turn — after nailing the remaining pin as violently as he can — and strolls back over to zack.

“you weren’t watching me,” cloud tells him, stung.

“what? of course i was.”

cloud crosses his arms. “no, you weren’t. you were staring off into space.”

zack fixes him with a glare.

“no, i was watching the three idiots in the corner over there.” cloud tilts his head. he starts to turn, and zack reaches out to grab his wrist. “don’t look at them.”

“why not?” cloud asks, morbidly interested suddenly. zack starts to realize his mistake, but it’s a slow process.

“because they’re watching you.”

“why’s that a problem?” cloud frowns. “i’m hot. of course people are gonna look at me.”

“that’s not what i mean,” zack strains.

cloud tilts his head. “oh. you don’t want them to look at me?”

“...no. i don’t.”

“does it piss you off?”

zack frowns. “yes.”

“why?”

“‘cause.”

cloud watches him intently. “you’re jealous.”

“no, i’m not. i just don’t like the way they’re looking at you.”

“like they wanna fuck my brains out?”

zack inhales, slow. a dark, foreign feeling is stirring somewhere deep inside him.

“yeah.”

“and you don’t want them to have me?”

“cloud.” zack tightens his grip. “why the fuck. would i want that.”

“i dunno.” cloud glances sidelong at his wrist, swallowed up by zack’s big hand. “maybe i like the attention.”

zack’s mouth goes dry. cloud flits his eyes back up to zack’s, devious.

“that shouldn’t be a problem for you, though, since you’re not jealous.”

the next two hours of zack’s life are the most excruciating he’s ever experienced.

once he thinks it over, a part of him is positive he’s brought this on himself. because if cloud had noticed those guys on his own, he probably wouldn’t have given a shit.

that being said, each time cloud goes up to take his turn, he has an entirely new performance planned.

the horrible thing is, cloud knows he’s hot and utterly unattainable. he knows that if he bends over to tie his shoes, the guys are going to crane their necks to try and sneak a sliver of bare flesh, like sharks. and cloud dances circles around them effortlessly.

every so often, he meets zack’s eye and immediately acts like he isn’t looking at zack at all — rather, looking straight through him, like he’s not even there. each time, zack’s eyes stay latched onto him for too long, and cloud drinks up the attention like he’s just swiped his tongue over fresh blood.

there’s this one particular turn where, before cloud picks up a ball, he stretches his arms high over his head. his cropped tank inches dangerously upwards, eventually flashing the ridge of his nipples.

zack’s nails leave tracks in his legs, like an animal. he’s clenching his fists so hard that the skin’s gone white.

of course, everyone else is fully aware of this little game cloud’s playing. jessie, in particular, can’t get enough of it. cloud bites his lip and swings a hip and jessie breathlessly screams, reaching over to shove knowingly at zack’s shoulder.

tifa’s watching zack closely, like she’s not sure what to do about their dynamic anymore. and honestly same. zack looks back at her, deer in the headlights, weak of heart.

“your turn,” jessie says after two hours have gone by. “it’s you and tifa, baby. make it count.”

zack staggers to his feet. cloud’s on his phone, pretending to rub at an itch underneath his shirt. he has to walk by cloud in order to get to the lane, so he stops halfway to lean down to his ear.

“stop.”

cloud croons at this, stares down at his phone with a blank expression. “you don’t like it?”

“no.”

“you poor thing. it’s a good thing you’re not jealous, and i don’t belong to you.”

zack opens his mouth to say more, but his phone vibrates in his back pocket. at this exact moment, cloud snaps his phone shut and cuts him with a hardened gaze, like a devil who’s been sent to this planet specifically to torment zack until he simply ceases to exist.

“don’t open that around anyone, by the way. good luck.”

“what?” zack squeaks, but cloud’s already turning on his heel to have a sudden conversation with wedge. zack’s left standing in the back, shaking faintly and wanting to check his phone but also wanting nothing more than to throw it into the deepest pit of the ocean.

once he’s stationed in the lane, zack glances over his shoulder.

this is the last game, and therefore everyone’s starting to get tired — they’re all circled around the table stuffing their faces. aerith’s watching, though, of course: when she meets zack’s eyes, she smiles blindingly and waves enthusiastically.

so is tifa. tifa’s gaze is a lot heavier and she doesn’t wave at all.

zack turns back around with a whimper.

“don’t look at it,” zack demands his inner demons as he tries very hard to focus on aiming for the pins. “don’t look at it. that’s what he wants, zack. don’t look at it because he’s definitely watching you right now and he’s waiting for you to grab your phone so don’t fucking look at it.”

his phone vibrates once more.

zack sighs and takes it out of his back pocket. there’s one new text from cloud:

cloud [9:34 pm]
Made you look

he’s about to turn to give cloud a dirty look, but his eyes travel to cloud’s older text, first. the one he’s been trying to avoid.

it’s a picture of cloud standing in the mirror of someone’s bathroom—

(perhaps, zack would focus on the shelf of endless skincare bottles and makeup behind him and deduce it as tifa’s if cloud wasn’t half naked in the rest of the picture.)

cloud’s wearing the same outfit as he is right now, except he’s not wearing any underwear. his hand is tucked underneath the ruffles of his skirt, wrapped lazily around his dick. the slit’s wet, and precum is reflecting off the soft bathroom lighting.

he’s watching himself in the reflection, as if he’s bored by what he sees. his faux freckles have just been freshly applied, and his pale face is shadowed with a pinkened, dewy flush.

there’s two things to note here:

zack’s pretty sure he just came down his leg.

also, cloud is wearing that same skirt. right? which means there’s a possibility that cloud isn’t wearing any—

“would you take the shot?” reno shouts in the background.

zack moans a little, nauseous. without thinking, he rears his arm back, aims dizzily for the pins just to get it over with—

and then accidentally launches his phone at them instead of the ball. it sails down the lane and then lands with a horrible crack inside the gutter.

“i don’t think it’s that bad,” aerith says.

she turns the phone over in her hands, inspecting it carefully. a giant chunk is taken out of the glass, and cracks are spiderwebbing through its interior.

zack’s been burying his face in his hands for about fifteen full minutes. their game ended with team two winning and, therefore, team one was forced to buy more food for everyone.

every time zack starts to feel fine again, like he’s starting to forget what just happened, he uncovers his face only to see cloud completely ignoring him, and back in the sand his head goes.

“zack, i’m serious. it’s no problem, okay? it’s still functional, so it’ll be okay for now even though the screen’s busted. we’ll go get it fixed together soon.”

“okay,” zack whispers.

“anyway, here’s what i think about the legalization of human cloning,” jessie’s saying as she reaches over biggs to grab a fry. “it could be kinda cool.”

rude gapes at her. “it’s… cloning.”

“i would love to have a clone!”

“you would?”

“yes? if i didn’t know what to say in a certain situation, she could totally take over the conversation for me. it’d be like having a stunt double for my social mask.”

wedge grabs a chicken strip. “okay, but hear me out. what if your clone tried to steal your life from you?”

“there would be no need. she’d be warmly accepted as jessie two.”

“i want a drink,” cloud sighs, rising to his feet. he weaves around the group and makes for the stairs leading downstairs to the concessions.

“do you want me to come with you?” tifa calls after him.

“no,” cloud calls back, not turning around as he disappears down the stairs.

“wait,” jessie shouts, to the annoyance of everyone in the immediate vicinity. “can you grab me a soda?”

“no,” cloud shouts back, muffled by the distance.

“had that one coming,” wedge says.

jessie frowns, crosses her arms, and slumps back in her seat.

“he’s such a bitch.”

tifa raises an eyebrow. “what?”

“i have an itch,” jessie corrects herself immediately, scratches her neck hurriedly.

now that it’s safe, zack finally removes his hands from his face. his heart is still pounding, so he focuses on his surroundings. it’s getting late, so most of the other people inside the bowling alley have started to clear out.

there’s a dad and his two kids two lanes over, the two of them hollering in excitement as they watch him line up a shot. not far from them is a young couple, some guy and his girlfriend, and it seems like they haven’t been dating for very long ‘cause she keeps getting embarrassed as he helps her set up the ball.

zack glances back at the group of guys from before, realizes with a wave of relief that they’ve packed their shit and finally left. the only thing left behind in their wake are a few blue plastic cups and a bag that someone left behind—

aerith reaches over and pokes zack’s cheek. “um, helloooo?”

“yeah,” he says, turning towards her. “sorry. i wasn’t listening.”

“oh. well, jessie was wondering which calculus section we’re enrolling in next semester.”

“i need to take calculus, so i might as well take it with you,” jessie explains. “also, i want to annoy you guys for the entire term.”

“i’m not sure yet,” says zack.

aerith smiles. “i get to pick which one, then?”

“sure.”

he leans back against his seat with a sigh. tifa’s asking everyone about their plans for later, now: wonders if people would be up for crashing at her house, since it’s close by. aerith enthusiastically informs her that there’s nothing she’d like more. which indirectly means that zack’s going, too, considering.

the others have plans. which means it’s zack, aerith, tifa and cloud alone once again. he tries not to hyperventilate.

cloud. cloud cloud cloud.

his gaze flickers to the stairs, where cloud still hasn’t re-emerged. he’s trying not to be weird about it, but it feels like cloud’s been gone for a while. a distant web of dread is starting to form in the pit of his stomach.

he glances back at the empty table, the bag left behind. it hits him all at once.

zack gets up so fast that his head spins. everyone’s immersed in some joke that wedge is making, so nobody really pays him any mind except aerith, who reaches out and touches his wrist.

“zack? are you okay?”

“i wanna go check on cloud.”

something about the way he says it must get the message across, because aerith releases him quickly, her eyes sharp as knives. “okay.”

“make sure to leave some kisses for the rest of us,” jessie says slyly, oblivious.

zack gives her a dirty look and quickly heads for the concessions. a sinking feeling accompanies him, latched within the threads of his insides. he’s plagued with several horrific mental images, each one worse than the last, all seared on the backs of his eyelids.

his brain is begging him to stretch them all thin, to overthink each until his knees give out underneath him. of course, every time he sees cloud’s face, zack’s gripped with a white-hot anxiety that sets alight every nerve inside him.

skin prickling, he turns the corner.

the concessions are swarmed with people, mostly small families. he tries to be casual as he skims every single person, tries to act like he’s not a stress bomb on the verge of detonating.

it’s not like cloud isn’t capable of defending himself. zack’s well aware of this. they’ve gotten into too many small arguments for him to not know what it’s like to feel cloud’s fist in his stomach, his shoulders.

but that doesn’t mean zack can’t worry. he worries about everyone dear to him, after all. so of course he’d worry about cloud, too. he’s being totally normal about this. there’s nothing to read into.

zack skims the crowds one more time. he was originally under the assumption that spotting a spiky blonde guy in a skirt would be easy, but it’s not.

really, it’s more like playing a really long and fucked up special game of where’s waldo except, with every passing moment, the afflicting mental images just get darker and darker.

his mind swims. zack’s fully cognitive of the fact that he’s panicking, his heart thrumming loudly and painfully. but the longer he looks at the concessions, the more he realizes that cloud’s nowhere to be seen.

briefly, he entertains the hopeful thought that cloud and him passed each other and didn’t realize. cloud’s not down here because he’s upstairs with the others, sipping from his drink and feeling really agitated that zack isn’t around to bug with infuriatingly sexually charged notions.

anxiety has spread through his entire body now. he starts looking for other exits, anywhere that someone would think to take cloud where no one would find them.

blood rushes to his ears. all of the exits are upstairs. so if cloud got taken somewhere, he—

“hey.”

zack’s violently tugged from the cage of his mental thoughts to briefly register the fact that someone’s gently tugging on his sleeve.

he looks over his shoulder. it’s the fucking silver-haired guy from reno’s party. his hair’s tied up in a loose, lazy knot at the back and he’s wearing a white collared shirt this time. but his eyes are still green and catlike and sucking up all the light in the room.

he’s handsome or whatever. zack will admit it. he’s not exactly thinking straight.

“oh. it’s you,” zack says, disoriented. he frowns. “are you following me or something?”

“not in your dreams.”

zack stares at this guy, somewhat stunned. how is it that he scanned the crowd almost three times now and missed someone as obvious as him? maybe he’s a bit more scatter-brained than he thought.

“well, that makes two of us.”

“you look worried.”

“yeah,” zack says calmly, despite the well-worn fear digging its way through him. “i’m, um, looking for someone.”

he hums at this. “the little kitten wandered off on his own, is that it?”

the way he says this immediately makes zack’s hackles raise. it’s exactly the same as when they were standing at the party, except now cloud’s missing and this guy’s so calm about it and zack’s already riding a cusp of jealousy that makes him want to put his fist through something.

“yeah,” zack says. “have you seen him?”

“perhaps.” he reaches back to toy a strand of silver hair between his fingertips. “but you need not worry — he won’t be alone for long. he had three very, big strong men following him.”

zack’s stomach twists. his hands curl into tight, painful fists.

“i assume this is quite dire, and you need to find him immediately.” the man does a slow, half-hearted once-over of the concessions. he points. “the public restrooms are right around the corner. you might have some luck over there, if you go now.”

zack follows the guy’s long finger, his heart already tugging him forward. his eyes lock on the exit, and he makes to say something, a thank you hanging bitterly on his tongue.

but by the time zack turns back around, the man’s already gone, to his own insanity.

“how the fuck does he do that?” zack whispers, scouring the crowd for him in disbelief.

but he doesn’t obsess over it for long. he can’t. the only thing rattling through his brain is cloud, cloud, cloud. his hands are shaking with the desperation of it, cloud’s immediate safety, and—

he rounds the corner. there.

cloud’s standing in the hall between the two bathrooms. hovering around him, pressed up way too close, are the three guys from upstairs. and cloud looks bored, but there’s a startlingly violent clarity in his eyes that makes zack’s brain go white.

it all happens within a fraction of a second. seeing cloud in one piece brings him a drop of relief — it’s the most important thing to him, of course — but as soon as it’s clear that cloud’s safe, zack has never wanted to crack teeth so badly in his fucking life.

“baby,” zack coos, all instinct. cloud perks at the sound of it, already twitching towards the sound of zack’s voice. but he need not move far, because zack’s already surging forward.

he wraps an arm around cloud’s shoulders. heavy, possessive, wrathful. cloud melts into his touch, sinking against him with relief. of course, the moment he’s safe in zack’s arms, cloud eyes the other three men and smirks.

cloud’s weight against him provides a sort of relief that possesses zack’s entire body. all at once, the only thing that matters is the fact that cloud’s here. he’s secure, tugged swiftly out of harm’s way.

but zack doesn’t have the time to absorb this, not now. survival instinct takes over: cold, thick anger that rises in his throat like black tar.

“i was looking everywhere for you,” zack says, his voice sunless. the guys don’t know who to pay attention to first: cloud’s so tiny and pretty in zack’s arms, but on the other hand, zack’s watching them like he’s about to rip their teeth out.

“i’m sorry,” cloud says, turning his head and pressing a cheek to zack’s jaw. his voice has a practiced calmness to it, but zack can still feel his heart pumping through his clothes.

the kiss is soft, suggestive. zack knows him so well it fucking hurts. it’s an insinuation, a means of toying with the three dudes who still, undoubtedly, want to rip him from zack’s arms and have their way with him.

jealousy is still gripping him, tight, but there’s a lot that sticks out: it’s zack who got the picture. it’s zack who cloud’s pressed up against, zack who knows exactly what cloud tastes like, what he feels like, what he sounds like when he’s crying out zack’s name.

so zack’s willing to play this game. it’s either he leaves this place bruised and pissed off, or let cloud lead and get some amusement out of this entire clusterfuck of a situation. and with cloud looking as hot as he does tonight, it’d be cruel of zack to not let him have his fun.

“that’s okay, baby.” zack stares at them, unflinching. “these friends of yours or something?”

“no.” cloud side-eyes them, slow, like innocent prey. “they wouldn’t leave me alone. wanted me to leave with them.”

“did you—”

“we didn’t know that you had a fucking boyfriend,” one of them snaps, running a hand up through his hair. it’s nervously done, like he’s growing uncomfortable. the other two are still caught between zack’s looming gaze and the cut of cloud’s abs against his white skirt.

“what?” cloud juts his lower lip out in a firm pout. his black piercing catches the light and shimmers darkly. “i totally said that i did.”

now the other two are starting up, too: they immediately start yelling over each other, all denying what cloud’s just said.

but zack’s not an idiot — he already knows that cloud’s lying. there’s two reasons for this:

firstly, all three of these guys look like they’re gonna shit their pants.

secondly, each time someone has referred to zack as cloud’s boyfriend, zack’s had the immense pleasure of watching cloud get red all over. there’s no way in hell that cloud would ever blurt it out himself. his pride would never let him.

still, zack can taste blood in the back of his throat, and he kind of wants to taste more of it. and cloud’s leaning against zack in a way that exposes a sliver of his thighs, reminding these dudes that he’s hot and hypnotizing and so unbelievably out of their reach with zack there to protect him.

“oh baby,” zack sighs. he lowers his mouth to cloud’s neck, tastes the skin of his collarbone. cloud’s spine tenses. “you wouldn’t lie to me, right?”

“no.” cloud lists his head to give zack better access. “i wouldn’t ever lie to you.”

this is a lie, too. zack knows it from prolonged, excruciating personal experience.

“okay, so tell me. did you want to leave with them?”

“i thought about it for a second, but i’m not sure. i’d probably get too bored.”

“with these three to take care of you?” zack absolutely hates the words as they spill out of his mouth. “i’m sure they would’ve been more than enough.”

“oh please,” cloud says darkly, dreamily. “nobody could ever fuck me the way you do.”

zack freezes. every functioning part within his brain hits a kill switch.

“oh yeah?” he asks, voice trembling.

cloud detects this vulnerability immediately; swoops down on it like a vulture. cloud’s already leading them through this fucked up dance, but zack can physically feel the moment where cloud slips into a full-blown power trip.

“yeah.” cloud meets zack’s eyes, undaunted. “you like it when i talk like that?”

“yes,” zack whispers.

“what if i told you how much i love your dick, then? how it’s so big that it makes me cry ‘cause it feels so cramped inside me?”

“cloud,” zack whispers.

cloud lifts his head, not sparing the three gaping men a single glance as he takes his thumb and pushes it up against zack’s mouth.

this, of course, isn’t technically a part of the game. zack’s chest is growing hot and cramped and he kinda wants cloud, bad. he’s not sure if this is going too far, but before he can be logical, zack opens his mouth and lets cloud inside.

“good, zack,” cloud murmurs. “so good. you look so fucking hot. i could hike up my skirt and let you fuck me right here in front of these idiots.”

zack groans, garbled.

“oh, you love that. you’d do anything to bend me over and make me tell you exactly who i belong to.”

cloud’s eyes grow heavy as zack rolls his tongue over the digit, makes sure to put on a show for the men watching. his mouth drops open just slightly, lets his lips shine wet with spit. cloud crams another finger in, mean.

“you’d beg for that chance, wouldn’t you, zack?”

zack feels dizzy, panting, not really playing the game anymore.

of course, the guys can only watch for so long without getting pissed that they’re not involved. they’re simple-minded and, if the walking hole isn’t paying them any mind, it’s no fun anymore.

so they shove past the two on their way back up to the main floor, mumbling typical shit that a man does when he doesn’t score. something about cloud not being hot enough anyway, that he’d probably be a bad lay.

thing is, even after they’re gone cloud’s still choking zack with his fingers, like he’s rewarding himself for putting up with scum for so long. zack’s entranced, weak all over.

“cloud,” zack chokes out, his hands shaking. “cloud, they’re gone.”

cloud raises an eyebrow at this. “you wanna stop?”

“please,” zack begs. he’s not even sure for what at this point. “not… not here.”

and so cloud pries his thumb free, makes a big, wet scene out of it. he takes a final, cruel second to suck zack’s excess spit from his thumb, hums at the taste of it.

zack dully wonders what look he must have on his face, ‘cause whatever it is, it amuses cloud greatly.

“thanks,” cloud says. “for doing all that.”

“um, yeah.” zack realizes that he’s still very much holding on to cloud, and lets him go. “i’m glad i found you. i, uh, got worried.”

“why? i could’ve handled it.”

zack narrows his eyes. “that’s why you were so quick to come over to me when i showed up then, huh?”

“you’re insane. that was just part of the act.”

zack frowns. “seriously?”

“ah… maybe. i’m still not sure.” cloud tilts his head like he’s seriously considering. “i might have been having some fun with them, even when they started getting a little too aggressive.”

zack shudders through the wave of anger that smashes into him. “does that mean… did you want them to, um…”

“to what?”

zack sighs.

“did you want them to fuck you?”

“i don’t know. did i?”

“you tell me.”

“you’re sounding awfully jealous for someone who isn’t jealous.”

“no, i’m just—”

“so if i told you that i’d really wanted them to take turns filling me up, that they could probably stuff me better than anyone else ever could, what would you say?”

zack stares, empty jealousy swallowing him whole.

“i don’t think they could.”

“why?”

“because i don’t.”

“you think you could do it better?”

“yeah.”

the suddenness of this catches cloud off guard for just a second. but he’s quick to reassemble himself.

“doubt it,” he says. scoffing dismissively, cloud shoves his way past zack and heads for the stairs. and zack follows, because his heart is already leading the way.

their first mistake is thinking that, after the stunt they just pulled, they’ll be fundamentally sound on the drive back to tifa’s.

“i’m just saying, teef. if done in public spaces, graffiti isn’t art.”

“what if it makes a statement? an artistic statement?” tifa asks from the passenger seat. aerith’s insisted on driving because tifa’s already driven once tonight.

zack glances over at cloud. he’s got zack’s jacket bunched up over his lap as he stares out the window, avoiding all eye contact whatsoever.

you think you could do it better?

his eyes wander down to the corner of cloud’s skirt. the jacket’s covering most of it, but zack’s close enough to see that the little skirt has ridden up a little: laid out pretty in front of him is the soft, subtle outline of cloud’s hip.

zack tears his eyes away.

it’s obvious. cloud’s really not wearing anything underneath.

“even so, the artists usually don’t get permission to mark up the property.”

“but what if they do?”

“then that’s art.”

if he focuses really, really carefully, he can see the gentle rise and fall of cloud’s chest. they’re inches away from each other, and with each passing second zack starts to hate the space between them more and more.

up until now, his hands have been folded in his lap. keeping his eyes straight ahead, he allows one to drift onto the carseat between them.

cloud glances down at it, looks at zack curiously.

“so graffiti is art.”

slowly, zack turns his hand so that his palm is facing up. he carefully stretches one thumb out, runs his fingernail along cloud’s exposed skin.

cloud sucks in a tight breath. he doesn’t pull away, so zack moves the rest of his hand closer, keeping his eyes set on aerith and tifa to make sure one of them isn’t about to turn around.

“but because they got permission, it wouldn’t be graffiti.”

“what?”

the jacket provides a bit of extra cover. zack slides his hand underneath cloud’s skirt, squeezes the underside of his thigh. cloud sinks into his seat. his skin is so warm in zack’s hand, so soft and pliable.

zack snakes his fingers up between cloud’s legs, is real gentle about it.

cloud’s starting to look a little nervous. but he parts his legs more, of course he does. he keeps the jacket pressed tight against his lap.

zack gives him a squeeze of praise. cloud swallows.

“well, the whole point of graffiti is to make a statement by vandalizing someone else’s property.”

“but art also is all about making statements.”

“okay, what about the instances where it’s just someone’s name?”

“tagging?”

“yeah.”

up, zack mouths.

cloud stares, chewing on his bottom lip. carefully, he angles his leg so that zack’s finger has full access to his rim. zack hums softly, shifting over so that he can start tracing whisper-thin circles along his hole.

zack watches cloud’s face while he does it, his heart punching against his chest. cloud makes sure to hold eye contact, his face panic-stricken. even so, it’s obvious that he wants it: he’d have exposed the both of them now if he didn’t.

“i guess i could see how that would be vandalism.”

“well, yeah, because it’s bad. art isn’t bad.”

please, cloud mouths softly.

zack smiles, because who is he to deny cloud of something he wants?

“there certainly is bad art, though. god, you just made me think of something. hey, cloud?”

both of their eyes widen. zack quickly retracts his fingers from underneath cloud’s skirt, because they only have about two seconds before tifa’s turning in her seat to look back at them.

“remember last semester when you and i saw that fruit drawing on the bridge? nobody gave permission for it to be there but it was, like, treasured by everyone anyway?”

cloud nods, flushed. the darkness of the car hides it flawlessly. “yeah.”

tifa nods at this. she turns back to look at aerith.

“what about that? you think something like that is considered vandalism?”

“i mean, yeah. but it’s beloved vandalism. there’s a clear difference—”

“—so vandalism is situational,” aerith says as they step through tifa’s door.

“yeah, i think we can settle on that.”

the front door opens up into the living room, which is cleaned spotless and devoid of any clutter. it bleeds into the kitchen, which is an assortment of several counters and an incredibly clean sink. tifa drops her things on one of the nearest tables and sighs.

“welcome,” she says cheerfully, turning to face zack. “you haven’t been here before, right?”

the sudden hospitality throws him for a loop. zack squints at her. “uh… no. i haven’t.”

beside him, cloud has yet to say a word. he’s stiff as a board, his cheeks unreasonably rosy.

zack’s pretty sure he looks almost exactly the same, except for the fact that cloud is now wearing zack’s jacket to hide his hard-on and zack’s just kind of left to fend for himself.

“i’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping, then. it’ll take a while for you to set up the mattress.”

“okay,” zack mumbles, allowing tifa to lead the way. he trudges behind her like a confused kid.

“are you okay?” aerith’s asking cloud from behind them. “you look really pale.”

“i get kinda motion sick from the car sometimes.”

“let me get you a glass of water, then.”

“sure.”

tifa guides him down the carpeted hallway, stopping only to point out where the bathroom is. there’s three other doors: her bedroom, the guest room and one at the very end of the hall, which she pushes open.

a rush of cold air hits them. she flicks on the light. the room immediately floods with a flickering, bluish lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. it’s a bit empty, with nothing but white carpeted floor, a closet, some storage bins and a stacked washer and dryer.

“it’s not much, sorry.”

zack shakes his head. “it’s fine.”

she smiles faintly at this. they stare down at their feet awkwardly. not after long, tifa pulls the door shut behind them so that they’re completely alone.

“can i talk to you?”

despite the obvious tension, zack looks at her cagily. “i don’t know. are you gonna make me feel like shit if you do?”

“i’m sorry, zack.” tifa sighs. “that’s not what i was trying to do last time. really.”

zack frowns. “i know.”

“he’s been through a lot. i… i know how he can get, so i wanted to warn you against falling for him before you get yourself into something that’s just going to hurt you—”

“you don’t want me getting hurt?” zack asks, dubious. “tifa, i don’t wanna be rude, but come on. i can handle myself, okay? and also, when have you ever cared about me to begin with? seriously. i was not getting loving vibes from our last conversation.”

“i know, i know. i probably shouldn’t have said all the things i did. it wasn’t right of me. i just get—”

“protective,” zack finishes for her, sighing. “aerith gets the same way.”

“i know. she talks to me about you a lot.”

“she does?”

tifa smiles. “of course. she really does love you, you know.”

zack considers this for a while. a bubble of love forms in him, makes it hard to think. eventually, he says, “i know. i love her too.”

“so i just figured, if she’s so fond of you, there’s no way you can be that bad.”

he rolls his eyes. “that’s what i’ve been trying to tell you.”

“and cloud just… he seems so happy lately, like he’s finally starting to come around. i don’t know if it’s something you’re doing, but if it is, i just wanted to say thank you.”

zack pauses to look at her. it feels as if someone’s just shone a light through the fog in his ribs. “really?”

“yes, really.” tifa crosses the room to grab a folded air mattress from the closet. “help me unwrap this?”

he takes one end of it and helps her lay it out on the floor. even when flat, it’s obvious that the mattress is decently sized for one person, especially for someone as big as zack. he feels slightly relieved as tifa rifles around for an air pump.

“it’s automatic,” she says as she plugs it into the wall. “so all you have to do is hold this little piece into the hole, and it should fill in no time. while you’re doing that, i’ll go find you some blankets.”

“okay,” zack says. he takes the little hose from her and turns on the pump. it whirrs loudly. “thanks, tifa.”

“no problem.”

then she’s gone, and zack is alone with his thoughts again.

cloud’s been looking happy lately? is that really zack’s doing? he kind of doubts it. the only time cloud ever actually looks happy is when he’s causing zack deep, emotional turbulence that has the same effect as sticking dynamite in zack’s chest and blowing it up.

but maybe…

zack thinks back to the bowling alley, how floored cloud had gotten when he’d scored that strike. has cloud ever looked at him like that before? has he ever looked at anyone like that before?

surely, it’s not a sight just for zack’s eyes. zack’s nice, sure, he’s kind. but really, other than being someone to bully from time to time, what is he to cloud, really? they’re not boyfriends, they’re not lovers. they’re just them.

not to mention, zack certainly isn’t good enough for him.

cloud could have anyone he wants. why the hell would he go for zack? zack’s clumsy, overwhelmingly affectionate, stupid. half of the time he doesn’t think before he speaks, which is just a recipe for disaster—

“here,” tifa says. she tosses about five different blankets onto the mattress, followed by two pillows. “that mattress is definitely full now, by the way.”

zack starts. he plugs up the mattress and turns off the pump.

“thank you,” he says, stupidly. he turns to look at her. “are you guys all going to bed?”

tifa nods. “it’s getting pretty late, so. aerith and i are going soon. cloud’s already gone.”

“sounds good.”

“i was wondering… would you guys wanna get breakfast with us tomorrow? just the four of us? i think it could be really fun, but i understand if you’re getting sick of hanging out with us, so—”

zack laughs.

“i’d love to get breakfast.”

tifa’s smile reaches her eyes and more. “awesome. i’ll see you in the morning, then. have a good night, zack.”

“you too.”

once she’s left, and the door has been shut behind her, zack turns off the light and collapses back against the mattress.

left behind, the thoughts come crawling back. zack stares up at the ceiling and lets them wash over him. what is cloud to him? they’ve certainly gotten past the whole lab-partners-only thing.

but is cloud his friend? his… god, what, his buddy? zack’s not a fucking expert on friendship, but he’s pretty sure friends don’t act the way him and cloud do.

friends don’t exchange soft, breathy kisses under the sheets after making each other come.

friends don’t stare at each other the way zack and cloud do, like they’re unsure of what the other’s thinking but it won’t be long until they figure it out.

friends don’t fall asleep with the taste of each other still in their mouths, tongues searching for anything left behind.

friends don’t feel the way that zack does.

a raspy breath surges from his lungs. the guilt creeps up on him slowly, like it’s been tracking him down for eternity and finally found him lying here, vulnerable and alone in a room he’s not familiar with.

zack has a great way of dealing with this feeling. he always has. so, before his heart really does burst out of his chest, zack slips a hand down the front of his pants and starts stroking.

it doesn’t take much to get hard. especially not after the car ride over, with cloud’s warm skin trapped between his fingers. his hole, which must be so fucking tight and desperate to get scissored open.

lucky for him, he knows exactly what cloud sounds like when he’s shouting out his name. so as zack’s eyes flutter shut, the fantasies come easy to him. cloud’s tangled up underneath him, back arched, that stupid, slutty little skirt swinging high—

zack chants his name softly, a silent slip of the tongue. he’s pumping fast now, letting his feelings consume him like blue fire.

cloud lets zack have his way, because really, there’s no other dick that could fit so perfectly inside him. cloud knows it, too, makes it crystal clear ‘cause that’s what he’s screaming as zack holds him down and nails him into the—

zack’s phone vibrates. panting, he takes it out of his back pocket and peers at the message through the shattered screen.

cloud [12:33 am]
Are you asleep

zack [12:38 am]
yeah

cloud [12:38 am]
Ok. Me too

zack drops his phone, frantic to get back to it.

his baby.

fuck, zack wants more. he wants so much more.

“cloud,” he whispers, heartwrenched.

he’ll have him anywhere. and each time, cloud’s so willing to take it, whether it’s down his throat or so deeply shoved inside him that he’s crying. begging for more more more, knows that zack has nothing else to give him, can barely handle what he’s got.

zack moans.

god, he wants cloud to be his. he’ll never be satisfied with anything, anyone else. it’s cloud. it’s only cloud.

close. he’s close—

cloud [12:39 am]
What are you doing

zack [12:40 am]
cloud please i’m busy stop distracting me

cloud [12:43 am]
Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was being a burden

zack [12:49 am]
you’re not i’m just trying to focus and i can’t cause you’re texting me

cloud [12:49 am]
Oh
God my bed is so empty right now

zack [12:50 am]
oh

cloud [12:54 am]
Yeah
I wish someone else was here with me

zack [12:54 am]
put some pillows around yourself then??

cloud [12:55 am]
You are so stupid
Fuck you then. I’m not gonna beg

cloud [12:56 am]
Hello
Zack

cloud [12:59 am]
Zack

cloud [1:00 am]
Zack please I need you
Please?
I need you
Zack I’m so hard and I don’t wanna take care of it myself
Zack

cloud [1:05 am]
Did you fucking fall asleep

Chapter Text

the first time cloud meets zack fair, he is so, insatiably intoxicated.

“you need to slow down, cloud.”

cloud has no idea where they are. he can’t remember anything at all. doesn’t know when it started, when it will end. but he knows that voice. he’ll always know that voice, better than he knows the inner workings of his own mind.

he forces himself to try and remember what tifa’s taught him: using all five senses to ground himself back to reality. takes a shallow, ragged breath.

cloud can hear the party around him. he can smell antiperspirant, perfume, fruit. his mouth tastes like blueberry vodka — not his best idea — and when he reaches out to grab the staircase banister, somewhere to his left—

he’s about two inches off. his hand grasps for nothing, clutches around the air.

cloud lifts his head, and the world flickers around him. the party melts away and suddenly all that matters is the person standing across the room, long arms crossed over his chest, leaning with practiced, sly deliberation against the wall.

three years ago, cloud transferred universities to get away from sephiroth. but it doesn’t matter, because he can never escape the illusion of him, everywhere all at once.

cloud turns and starts walking, lets the crowd swallow him up.

tifa’s gonna be pissed when she can’t find him, but right now, he doesn’t care about anything but putting as much distance as possible between himself and this panic-induced hallucination.

still, something’s bothering him about it. he’d almost gone a full month without their unwelcome company. and the illusions are usually clustered together: happening over the span of hours, minutes, seconds.

now, they’re spaced out, almost strategical: it’s a fucked up game of hide and seek where sephiroth’s always the one seeking, but never truly reveals that he’s found him because he likes it better that way.

cloud stumbles, braces himself against the wall.

he’s so fucking drunk. he can barely remember his own name, let alone where tifa went off to. there’s a lingering memory of her telling him to stay put so that she can go grab him some water, but that memory is fusing with the others — now, he has no idea how long ago that was.

cloud tumbles into the closest room just as the first wave of nausea hits him. he shuts the door behind him, struggles to find a light switch, and then retches. he aims for the floor, hopes he makes it.

staggering shit-faced in the dark is… terrifying, to say the least. but it’s calming, too: cloud can’t see a thing, so there’s no chance for sephiroth to materialize and taunt him from a corner.

he drops to the floor with a grunt. the alcohol in his system’s starting to numb him out, helps him not care about anything anymore. so cloud lets his eyes fall shut. a dreamy haze fall over him as he teeters into total darkness.

nearly twenty minutes go by before cloud hears someone shuffling around.

this isn’t what drags him from the blackout, though: it’s that suddenly, all of the lights have been flicked on. cloud scrunches up his face, annoyed.

he cracks his eyes open.

there’s another man in the room now, his back turned to cloud. he’s tall, with broad shoulders framing his blue sweatshirt. he has the sleeves pushed back to his elbows, so in his drunken stupor, cloud stares at the solid, toned muscles of this guy’s arms. his skinny waist. his black hair’s tousled, looks soft to the touch.

he deliriously analyzes the gravity of this situation, instead finds himself simply relieved that the person isn’t sephiroth, and then he’s closing his eyes again.

the other guy takes a deep breath, steady and calm. cloud’s just about to sink back into unconsciousness when—

“oh fuck!”

cloud sighs. he opens his eyes once more, agitated to see that the guy is staring at him in shock. his head’s throbbing.

is it too much to ask, really, to be left in peace so that he can sleep?

“o–oh.” the stranger says, laughing a bit. cloud finds that, peculiarly, he likes the sound of it. “you’re just a catatonic boy. thank god. i thought i was about to get framed for murder.”

he’s slurring. so he’s drunk, too? that’s great. two drunk guys, trapped alone with each other in a bathroom. except cloud’s covered in vomit, and this guy’s gorgeous, like he’s getting paid to look like this.

“hey.” he tilts his head as he studies cloud. “are you okay?”

cloud doesn’t have an answer for him. not only is he unsure, but his mouth isn’t exactly connected to his brain right now.

after a stretched moment, the stranger takes a vigilant step closer. he puts the front of his shoe down first, as if he’s trying to tip-toe his way over.

and then, of course, he’s panicking to fix his pants because cloud’s now realizing they’re half-unzipped and he can see an embarrassing amount of this dude’s ballsack.

the stranger mindlessly rambles to himself, nervous. cloud doesn’t catch a single word of it, too overwhelmed by the sheer absurdity of this entire situation. then his pants are zipped back up and he’s squatting down beside cloud and—

oh.

he looks— carefree. his eyes are pretty — his heart’s so clear inside of them, a reflection of blue halcyon, untouched by shadow. cloud wants to feel like that, too.

and he smells good, like birch and sprite and the faintest hint of aftershave. there’s such a subtle focus to his expression, his mouth slightly agape. his bottom teeth are a little crooked, and for some reason cloud finds them very endearing.

then, before cloud knows what’s happening, the guy reaches out and rests the back of his hand against cloud’s forehead. cloud finds himself leaning into the touch, completely starved.

“your cheeks are so red,” the guy whispers. cloud lets his eyes drift shut. and then—

cloud heaves.

the guy moves impressively fast. he grabs cloud around his shoulders and pivots him so that his head is hanging over the bathtub, holds cloud’s hair back as he vomits endlessly into the ceramic. after careful thought, he snaps a little black hair tie from around his wrist and ties cloud’s hair back.

as his fingertips brush against the back of cloud’s neck, cloud’s entire body erupts into shivers. for a moment, he’s pressed back against the floor with two heavy hands wrapped tightly around his throat.

but this stranger’s different. his touch is so gentle, consumed with love and care. so cloud finds himself blindly trusting it. somewhere deep down, there’s a fiber of fear that looks a lot like green slitted eyes and a grinning edge of a blade—

cloud flees from it.

he lets the stranger press cold water against his forehead, his neck, his cheeks. he lets himself be babied, just for a second, lets this guy’s docile voice take him by the hand and guide him forward.

he murmurs soft directions: close your eyes, take deep breaths, lift your head. and cloud listens each and every time, eyes closed, drunk with affection.

“how much have you been drinking?” the guy asks.

at first, cloud’s not sure how to answer because he doesn’t remember. his name’s only just starting to come back to him, but it’s still half-emerged in the fog of terror. he’s already forgotten how he managed to end up in this bathroom, in the arms of this man he doesn’t know, swooning at the feeling of a big hand rubbing the small of his back.

“too much,” he finally mumbles.

“well, obviously. you need to drink some water.” the guy’s hand leaves cloud’s neck for a split second — but long enough to have cloud miss it terribly — before it’s back, soaking cold and relieving. “do you have any friends with you? do you need me to call someone?”

cloud knows he doesn’t mean it, but his questions are making the panic worse. he doesn’t know.

“your hand feels really nice.”

the guy chuckles. “i bet it does. but you didn’t answer my question.”

was tifa ever actually here at all? if so, is she blindly worrying somewhere, searching—

he moans, retches again. the guy steadies his grip on cloud’s shoulders, squeezes them reassuringly. cloud’s almost about to thank him for doing all this when suddenly an obnoxiously loud ringtone spikes through the moment, shattering the moment entirely.

they both jolt. cloud nearly slams his head off of the tub as a result, but the guy reaches out, catches him before he has the chance. he quickly rifles around for his phone, answers it. the ringtone stops.

“hi aerith,” the guy says.

cloud’s vision swims: he shuts his eyes, groans. he hears the faucet squeak to life again. he can hear a girl on the other end of the phone, the exasperated love in her voice.

his heart twinges painfully. it reminds him of tifa.

“where the hell are you?”

“i can explain. unlike that time when i got my foot stuck in a toilet.”

cloud wants to crane his neck around to look at this guy’s face, see if he’s actually fucking serious, but he starts puking again before he gets the chance.

so he rides out the nausea instead, forces himself to focus on nothing but his hand, his gentle voice, the alternating temperatures between warm and cold as he keeps cloud’s body temperature leveled.

“why don’t you and jess head out to the car? i’ll be right out. everything’s fine. uh, my foot is not stuck in a toilet.”

“are you sure about that, zack?”

zack. cloud grabs ahold of the name, sinks his fingers into it and tries so very hard not to let it go.

“yes—”

zack’s voice is cut off by a series of knocking.

cloud’s chest goes cold. fear twists inside, knotting around itself tight. the last person he saw was sephiroth. so that means, on the other side of the door—

cloud presses himself tightly against zack’s chest. above him, zack’s still rambling away to the girl on the phone, oblivious: mistaking cloud’s sudden tenseness for nausea, he runs a soothing hand through his hair.

“cloud?” someone calls, their voice altered by cloud’s inner alarms. it morphs into something that sounds a lot like sephiroth’s crooning voice. “are you in there?”

zack’s hand stills. cloud wants to beg him not to open the door, but the words won’t come.

“are you cloud?” he whispers, soft. “are you in here?”

it’s a game of hide and seek.

cloud fervently shakes his head, so hard that it makes him physically sick. don’t open the fucking door, he thinks desperately. don’t, because then he’ll see me in your arms and he’ll get you too and it’ll be all my fault.

cloud’s hiding. he’s always hiding. he can not let sephiroth find him.

zack rubs soothing circles on the back of his neck as he vomits yet again. this, combined with the fact that he’s now speaking to someone who’s starting to sound like tifa, helps cloud calm down. just a little.

“i’m so sorry,” the voice says. “um—”

“zack.”

“zack,” they repeat, and there’s a practiced patience there that cloud knows all too well. “i’m tifa.”

there’s too much going on. cloud hates it. he can feel the ground beginning to give way.

“don’t worry,” tifa says, far far away now. “i can take it from here.”

“i think not. i am his mother now.”

“i’m his girlfriend.”

“oh. okay. well, that changes things.”

zack drops cloud like dead weight.

lost in a murk of half-awareness, cloud finds himself getting immediately irritated with him. not because he dropped him— because he stopped touching him, and who told him he could do that?

senselessly, the voices trail off.

cloud sinks into the deep water that beckons him. it fills his nose, his mouth, his lungs. he’s missed this, the feeling of letting go. but before he can drown too far, he becomes faintly aware of the footsteps carefully approaching him.

they’re soft, cautious. nothing like sephiroth.

“which one of the senses did you lose?”

cloud’s quiet for a long time.

“i fucked up touch,” he slurs.

tifa sighs. she takes a seat beside him on the floor.

“you don’t have to keep doing that, by the way,” cloud mumbles.

“doing what?”

“acting like we’re dating. i can take care of myself, you know.”

when cloud lifts his head, he finds her at eye level with him, her cheek resting in her arm. they watch each other wordlessly for a while. and then she smiles, reaches out and toys with the hair tie zack’s wrapped into his hair.

“i know you can. i just don’t want you doing something stupid, that’s all.”

“like what? forgetting one of my five senses?”

tifa sighs. “that’s not what i mean, and you know it.”

cloud’s face burns. he turns away. “do i?”

“yes.” tifa ruffles his hair. “but getting shit-faced and letting a complete stranger take care of you, that’s a little—”

“i just needed to use the bathroom,” cloud mumbles. for several reasons, it’s a half-truth. “he came in after me. it wasn’t planned.”

“cloud. look at me.”

he won’t. he’s stung: the reality of everything is starting to hit him now, way too fast. it feels almost unfair that tifa’s scolding him, but deep down, cloud knows she has a point and he despises it.

but it’s not like anything happened. that guy — zack — he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

if he would, cloud wouldn’t be sitting here in one piece. he knows this like his skin knows the color blue, like his lungs know how it feels to have the air squeezed out of them.

“and what about you? telling me you’re gonna go get water and then never coming back?” he watches his fingers flex and unflex: a distraction from the prickling heat in his eyelids. “what was so important that you had to leave me standing there by myself?”

“i was only gone for a few seconds,” tifa tells him. she sounds hurt and it fucking sucks to know exactly why; because out of everyone in the whole world, tifa’s the only one who would ever refuse to leave his side.

“whatever.” cloud lifts his head, irritated. his nose is itchy. “it felt a lot longer, that’s all.”

“i made sure i wasn’t gone for longer than a minute,” tifa says firmly. “i set a timer and everything, because i know how you get when…” she trails off, and when she speaks again, there’s a special kind of horror edging her words. “you saw him, didn’t you? the moment i left.”

cloud does his best to ignore her. but it’s difficult, because it’s tifa, and she knows everything and nothing at all.

“you were scared.”

“i’m not scared of him,” cloud snaps, facing her. at her widened eyes, his tone immediately softens. “not… anymore.”

he hates the look on her face, like he’s something considered to be vulnerable. still, when she reaches out and cups his face in her hands, cloud sinks into the touch like he’s coming home.

“i’ll let this stupid stunt go this time, okay? but only because that guy was so adamant on keeping you safe.”

cloud scoffs. “please. it meant nothing to either of us.”

there’s a knock at the door.

or at least, cloud thinks there is. but he’s buried in a golden halo of heavy warmth and his body is fuzzy at the edges and he doesn’t wanna move. something — someone, his half-conscious brain corrects lazily — shifts against him, mumbles in their sleep, their body slotted perfectly against his own.

he stirs. when he eases his eyes open, the light of dawn is dribbling in through the cracked-open window. the room is tinted with spring zephyr. it’s cold where it brushes against his face, but under the covers, everything is empyrean and warm.

cloud’s eyelids flutter. he tries to move his arm, but there’s a weight there, pinning it into place.

the sudden inability to move sends a vein of panic through him. his brain jolts. he opens his eyes and glances up and oh.

the first thing he sees is a nest of fluffy black hair. it smells familiar, like birch and aftershave and the slightest hint of sweat. cloud instantly relaxes.

zack. his zack.

softened by drowsiness, cloud sinks back against him. he presses his face into zack’s neck and sighs, breathes him in. his skin’s so soft, almost burning to the touch.

zack snores lightly, completely lost in deep sleep.

they’re wrapped around each other, limbs tangled as if they’ve been buried together. one of zack’s arms is lazily slung around cloud’s torso, the other pinned underneath cloud’s body. cloud soaks in the closeness of him, gratefully trickles back into a light sleep.

another knock.

it’s farther away this time. but zack stirs a little, mumbles: a soft noise, kinda like huh but it’s completely incomprehensible. also, cloud’s pretty sure that zack’s been drooling on him. it’s so disgusting and cute and cloud wants to curl up inside him, wants to be his forever.

of course, cloud can never belong to anyone. sephiroth’s made that clear. but right now, coiled up inside zack’s body heat, cloud can pretend. at least for a little while.

zack must become aware of the fact that he’s not alone on the mattress, because suddenly he stiffens. cloud keeps his face buried in his neck, really not caring at all.

“cloud?” zack grunts, his voice thick with sleep. “when did you… what?”

a third knock.

zack swears. he tries to sit up, but cloud keeps him pinned.

“cloud. wake up.”

“nnn.”

five seconds pass, and then something extremely wet is shoved into cloud’s ear.

cloud jolts upright, his skull driving up into zack’s nose. zack recoils with a strangled yell, and cloud yanks away from him. the sudden loss of zack’s body heat is horribly noticeable.

he turns to zack with a glare, groggy and annoyed. “did you just wet willy me, you fucking five year old?”

zack grips his nose between his fingers. his voice comes out strained and nasally. “why are you in my bed?”

“um, you’re the one who suddenly stopped replying. i came over to see what was so important that you had to stop paying attention to me.”

zack’s staring around the room now, blinking hard, and cloud can physically see the gears turning as he remembers what it’s like to be awake and alive. “what?”

“last night?” cloud asks. “you—”

“how long have you been in here?”

“i just told you, idiot — i came over last night, but you were already asleep. so then i figured it would make more sense to sleep next to you as opposed to going all the way back to my room.”

zack stares blankly, like he’s having a hard time understanding this logic.

“i exerted less energy that way,” cloud explains, because clearly zack’s too stupid to grasp this extremely simple concept.

“right.”

he’s grinning. cloud kind of wants to flick him in the forehead.

this wholesome moment is shattered by the final knock, followed by tifa’s increasingly annoyed zack i’m coming in.

zack’s head snaps toward the door. cloud watches him, fascinated.

“you need to hide,” zack says.

cloud frowns. “why are you so—”

before he can process it, zack violently shoves him off the mattress. cloud lands on the carpet with a moan.

the two of them plunge into hushed arguing, which ends with zack pointing frantically at the closet and cloud stumbling reluctantly over to it.

he’s not fast enough, apparently, because zack hurls a pillow at his retreating form. cloud grabs and launches it back: it hits zack in the face with double the force.

then, satisfied by zack’s whine, cloud seals himself inside of the closet.

really, cloud doesn’t even understand why he’s letting zack order him around. that’s cloud’s job. yet here he sits, in this tiny, cramped ass space.

cloud grumbles. he makes himself comfortable on the floor, peeks out through the tiny slats.

why is zack so afraid of tifa, anyway? did they have some fight that cloud doesn’t know about? even if they had, would tifa ever give anything away to cloud about it? probably not.

confused, he watches tifa opens the door.

zack pulls himself together impressively quickly. but really, it’s not all that impressive, because cloud knows a lot about zack and his quick reflexes.

“sorry to wake you up, zack, i just…” she trails off at the sight of him, sitting ramrod straight in the middle of the mattress, eyes unblinking and serious. “wanted to… hi?”

“i have been awake for hours,” zack says, calmly, as if he wasn’t just using cloud as a body pillow.

“oh. why didn’t you answer the door?”

“i was lost very deeply in thought about something.”

tifa rubs her arm, uncertain. “o…kay. well, how did you sleep?”

“i slept okay.” zack pats the mattress stupidly. “although, i never do sleep well on air mattresses.”

the reddened, deep set zack-shaped imprints on cloud’s arms say otherwise.

“well, i’m sure some coffee would help, then.” tifa smiles. “are you still up for getting breakfast?”

“oh yeah, i’m starving.” zack rubs a hand over his abs as if to deeply emphasize this statement, which is completely unnecessary and almost makes cloud snort.

zack shoots an extremely vile look in the direction of the closet door, as if he’s aware of this. and of course, because he has the subtlety of a gaping wound, tifa follows his gaze to the closet. something crosses her face, like she’s slowly connecting the dots to something.

instead of outright saying whatever’s on her mind, she calmly turns to zack. “alright. we’ll go right after i wake cloud up, then. his door was still shut, so i’m assuming he’s still asleep…”

zack nods.

“or doing something really weird,” tifa adds casually, inspects her nails.

cloud tenses.

“weird?” zack asks, tilting his head. dumbass.

“oh, yeah. he does lots of weird things all the time.”

she lifts her eyes to stare at the closet again, and it’s almost— it’s almost as if she’s looking directly at cloud. but that’s impossible. there’s no way she can see him through the door. still, cloud clenches his fists.

“like what?” zack presses, giggling, devious.

cloud half expects his stupid ass to flop over onto his belly and start kicking his feet in the air.

“well, there was this one time i walked in on him putting stamps on his—”

zack’s will be damned: cloud nearly dives from the closet to make sure she doesn’t finish. luckily, aerith shouts to her from across the house:

“tifa?”

tifa shouts back, “what?”

“can you come here?”

“sure!” tifa smiles apologetically. “sorry, zack. duty calls. i’ll tell you later.”

“uh, sure.”

“make sure you get up soon so we can go, alright?”

“gotcha.”

once she’s gone, and his blood pressure has significantly lowered, cloud reaches up and pushes the closet open.

zack immediately turns, pretty blue eyes shining guilefully. “so… stamps, huh?”

cloud glares at him. “is this a game to you?”

“what kind of package were you putting them on, my dear?”

“shut up, moron.”

an hour before one of reno’s parties, tifa corners cloud in her bathroom. it’s a planned attack, because she suddenly emerges around the corner at the same time his skirt gets caught in the tiny, flimsy zipper.

which leads to him needing help, and of course, tifa’s right there: she always is.

but instead of jumping to assist him, she takes a moment to pause. leans up against the wall, studies him like a specimen. he freezes, zipper seized between his fingers.

cloud glances at her, glances at himself in the mirror. his reflection, adorned in one of his old black t-shirts and a knee-length yellow skirt, stares back at him. stares at tifa, who’s watching the both of them like she’s walked in on something explicitly intimate.

this is the first and only time that he considers, for a brief moment, that he may be taking this too far.

“what,” cloud mutters, embarrassed suddenly. not because of the outfit, because he knows he looks good: if anyone, it’s cloud who has the legs to pull this off.

rather, it’s the principle of it all. there’s a line between cloud and his shaken heart that’s slowly beginning to become blurrier and blurrier.

all he can think about while admiring himself is the fact that zack’s gonna be admiring it, too. cloud thinks of his pretty blue eyes, open wide and trembling at the sight. he knows it’s gonna drive zack up the wall, and cloud’s never been more excited about anything in his life.

the one thing he’s having a difficult time figuring out is why he wants it so badly.

scoring another win against the doe-eyed idiot: yes. knowing that there’s, also, only one possible route that wearing this outfit will lead to tonight: also yes.

“cloud.”

“yep.”

“you like zack, don’t you?”

it’s so sudden, so uncompromisingly plain, that cloud forgets what answer he’s supposed to give her. instead, he stares at her helplessly, as if she’s just caught him in the middle of a crime scene. cloud wonders, timidly, if tormenting zack is truly proof of complicit affection.

“what?” cloud asks, stupidly. he stammers, “n–no?”

“you really think i’m that stupid?” tifa sighs. she pushes herself off the wall and goes to him, starts working his zipper from the brown fabric. “why else have you been trying on skirts for the past three hours?”

“because i look good in them,” cloud answers, and fuck it sounds so much like a question. he wants to punch himself.

“i mean, i’m not going to deny that.” tifa frowns. “jesus, how did you get this thing so fucked up?”

“the zipper on this one is so much smaller than the blue one.”

“the one that made you look like a little slutty housewife?” tifa asks, sly. “which made your ass look great, by the way. but i think it would’ve made zack pass out. this skirt’s much better.”

cloud entertains that visual: if it would be better to make zack pass out in front of all his friends, or to simply have him speechless and sexually frustrated. he opts for the latter, because that way zack will be conscious and aware of it the entire time.

“yeah, i agree,” cloud muses. when he looks down and catches her grinning, he quickly backtracks. “um, but the skirt isn't— i don’t like him.”

“yeah, okay,” tifa replies. “i see the way you look at him, cloud. your eyes go all starry and stupid when you think no one’s looking.”

“okay, so, you’re clearly blind and delusional—”

tifa reaches up and pinches him.

“asshole,” he snaps.

she smirks. “i just highly doubt that you’d spend this much time getting ready if you weren’t trying to show something off to someone.”

“i haven’t even been getting ready for that long.”

“you’re right,” tifa says, sighing. “three and a half hours isn’t quite enough.”

“would you stop?” cloud despairs. “just let me be cute in peace.”

“that’s funny,” she tells him, not laughing at all. “it’s just… cloud—”

“please don’t tell me you’re about to whip out some philosophical, emotional gymnastic shit on me—”

“are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

cloud rolls his eyes. “here we go. tifa, he’s not… it’s not like before.”

“well, i know that.” she gives one final tug, and the zipper slips free. “but at some point, you need to stop for a second and realize that you’ve been through some shit, okay? you can’t hurt zack the way you’ve been hurt.”

“why the hell would i do that?”

tifa hesitates. “um, which part?”

cloud hesitates, too. he’s not sure. so instead, he bulldozes forward with something that he knows will snag her attention: “why do you think i’d want to hurt zack?”

she pauses at this, eyes him in a particular way. he rolls his eyes, exasperated.

“in an emotionally devastating way, i mean.”

“oh. i don’t know.” tifa chews on her bottom lip, treading carefully. “zack’s just… he’s good. you’re both good. but one of you is still shiny and new to the concept of love, and the other one had that possibility ripped away. what i’m trying to say is, you’re susceptible to getting hurt again.”

“i was not in love with—”

“i know you weren’t,” tifa says. she adjusts his skirt, smooths it down. “but it was your first exposure to intimacy, and it really hurt you. and zack… he’s shiny and new and exciting. and when you’re innocent like that, when you’re carelessly falling in love with someone, it opens the possibility of—”

“let us worry about that, okay?” cloud cuts in, annoyed.

“okay.” tifa takes a deep breath. “sorry. i don’t mean to overstep. i’m surprised you even let me say as much as i did, to be honest.”

“you’re not overstepping.” cloud worries the hem between his fingers. “i know you care a lot. too much, sometimes.”

“yeah, well,” tifa laughs breathily. “when your best friend shows up on your doorstep at four in the morning with a ring of bruises around his neck, that kind of changes something in you.”

cloud swallows, torn. “i know.”

with that, she stands. tifa’s so close to letting the subject finally go, satisfied with what she’s already given him, but then she squeezes her eyes shut. “um, on that note, you also have to consider the possibility that—”

“tifa.”

“i don’t think sephiroth would let you go that easily. you just— you need to be careful.”

it’s the first time she’s ever outright said his name.

cloud sucks in tightly, like frost has just burst all down his lungs. somehow hearing his name from her mouth just feels wrong, like yet again, he’s invaded a place that he doesn’t belong.

shakily, cloud lifts his hand to his neck, rubs the clean skin there that never seems to feel right anymore.

“i know,” he whispers.

tifa makes an awful, heartwrenched noise. she reaches out and cups his face in her palms again and suddenly, they’re huddled together on the floor again: one splintered soul divided in two parts, nerves not quite regrown.

this time, though, cloud doesn’t need to absorb the warmth of her touch. doesn’t want to.

tifa pulls him closer so their foreheads are touching, closes her eyes.

cloud’s heart watches her, a victim of its own stupid self. he wonders if she knows that zack’s already filled every corner of it, that it scares him so much he wants to rip the organ out completely.

“it’s different now,” tifa tells him, unwavering. “you have a family here. zack, aerith, jessie, biggs, wedge, barret, me — even reno and rude, if you want them. you have all of us with you, here by your side. you’re not alone anymore.”

cloud takes a deep breath in, out.

“i already helped you escape him once,” tifa adds. “if he ever tries to hurt you again, i’ll rip him apart.”

“zack, stop. you’re gonna mess it up.”

“i am not.”

“you are.”

“am not.”

“you are.”

“am not.”

cloud and tifa stare, hopelessly, at the giant tower of jam packets that aerith and zack are precariously stacking in the middle of their table.

“you are,” aerith snaps, reaching across the table to smack his arm as he places yet another strawberry packet on the top. zack’s other arm is useless to stop her, mainly because it’s sandwiched between him and cloud.

“i’m not,” zack says, smiling blissfully. his thumb makes soft circles on the back of cloud’s hand: a deadly secret between the two of them. really, cloud’s only letting zack hold his hand because it’s making him so happy, this big stupid dumbass.

zack pulls his hand away from the tower: the new packet causes it to wobble, but it stays upright.

“see? it’s fine.”

“okay, but that’s the last one.” aerith collapses back against the booth with a tired sigh. “oh my god, anyway, as i was saying. i seriously can’t believe it’s gonna cost so much to pick up my car.”

“let me help you,” tifa says, soft. she ruffles aerith’s hair in a way that’s so vulnerable, so tender. cloud watches and tries not to notice how foreign of a concept it is.

under the table, zack knocks their fingers together, interlaces them lazily.

“no, teef. that’s not fair to you at all.”

“hmm… okay. at least let me drive you over, then?”

aerith worries her lip through her teeth. then, she shrugs. “i… i guess that would be fine.”

“good. we’ll go after we drop these two off, then.”

cloud watches them, riveted. there’s no way that tifa’s not gonna pay to get aerith’s car back: he knows that steady, hellfire gaze better than anyone.

“so how long is this date of yours going to last?” zack asks them, feigning harmlessness. “do you guys think you’re gonna stop a week from now, or are you just gonna keep coming up with excuses to hang out with each other until you get married? i guess, even then—”

aerith grabs a grape jam packet and flings it at zack’s face. he ducks and it sails over him, hits some old guy in the back of the head instead. when he immediately whirls around, all four of them lower their heads to the table so that they’re out of sight.

aerith and zack’s jam tower collapses.

“you have horrible aim,” zack murmurs into the table.

“do you ever shut up?” aerith whispers.

“he’s just jealous that we can go on an endless date,” tifa whispers.

“i can go on an endless date, like, at any point,” zack hisses.

“really? with who?”

“anyone i want.”

“is that so,” cloud whispers, insanely jealous for absolutely no reason at all. perhaps in a pathetic effort to make it up to him, zack frantically squeezes his hand.

“i didn’t mean it like that.”

“what did you mean, then?”

“yeah, zack,” aerith whispers, demonic. “what did you mean?”

“listen, bitch. i’ll—”

“excuse me,” comes a fifth voice, much louder. the four of them immediately take their heads off of the table, mortified. the waitress has materialized with their food, her expression completely unreadable.

“we were just having a team meeting,” says zack, the densest person cloud has ever known. “also, i was calling my friend here a bitch out of pure love and unadulterated passion. i love women so much… carol,” he adds, quickly, after squinting for way too long at her nametag.

“sorry. he’s still learning to read,” cloud tells the waitress as she awkwardly starts putting their order on the table.

“shut up,” zack hisses. he tries to let go of cloud’s hand to make a point, but cloud tightens his grip.

allowing zack to let go of his hand would mean zack wins.

so they blindly kick at each other instead, hands still viciously interlocked under the table. tifa and aerith watch on in disgust. the waitress puts their final plate down and gets out of there as fast as possible.

“alright,” aerith booms, throwing another jam packet. this time, it hits zack square in the forehead. “stop it, you guys. i want to have a nice family breakfast.” she squints at zack’s plate. “did you order toast with your sandwich?”

“yes?”

“bread with bread?”

“is that bad?”

“i don’t know. no? it’s just a lot of bread.”

“carbohydrates aren’t the devil,” zack argues.

“but—”

“okay,” tifa says, grabbing her fork. “enough. let’s eat.”

not many words are exchanged after that, because everyone’s so focused on inhaling the food on their plates.

cloud sneaks glances at zack when he’s not looking. the sun filters in through the large windows, dappling him with circles of cold color. he looks especially pretty like this, happy, laughing at aerith between mouthfuls of pancakes.

worse yet, zack still has cloud’s hand seized in his own. he’s holding him there like it means something, like he wants cloud to be his.

but it’s not real. if cloud can never truly belong to him, then there’s no way.

not only that, but zack could do so much better. he knows it, too — why else would he make that comment about being able to go on dates with whoever he wants?

if cloud lets him do just that, is he winning or losing? would it be better to let zack go, or would it be a loss if he didn’t force zack to stay by his side?

besides, what good would it do, dragging someone like cloud around? he’s nothing but a heavy heart.

trying to be sneaky about it, the waitress drops the check at their table like they’re going to jump her if she lingers too long, and immediately aerith and tifa begin arguing over who’s going to pay for each other’s portion. (it’s tifa.)

zack and cloud are a simpler case: zack pays, because it’s retribution for falling asleep on cloud the night before.

of course, they don’t say this out loud: cloud simply stares at zack until he gets the message, which takes forever because hello it’s zack.

“we’ll drop zack off first,” tifa says.

“you guys gonna ditch me and then go do something really fun or something?” zack asks, joking.

“something like that,” tifa jokes, but… not. cloud knows that tone.

cloud looks at her weirdly. before aerith can get sucked into it, too, she’s standing up. and of course, this makes cloud even more suspicious, because now aerith is averting eye contact and tifa’s doing anything but as she gets to her feet.

beside him, zack’s oblivious. he’s looking down at his and cloud’s hands, like a sad puppy or something. cloud gives him a weird look.

“let go,” he mumbles.

“you first,” zack whimpers.

“what? no.”

“why?”

“because i win if i don’t,” cloud tells him.

zack furrows his eyebrows, confused. “how do i lose if you let go?”

“because you don’t want me to let go.”

“that doesn’t even make any sense.”

“yes it does.”

“so, by your logic, we both win if we keep holding each other’s hand.”

cloud pauses. he tries to talk his way out of that one, but it doesn’t really work. instead, he grimaces and tears his hand away from zack’s. “whatever, loser, i win because i said so.”

“come on, loverboys,” tifa says, exasperated. when cloud looks up, aerith is watching him with a specific kind of smile that makes his skin crawl forebodingly.

he has a bad feeling about this.

the moment zack leaves the car, every single lock activates and cloud is effectively trapped inside the vehicle. he stares at tifa as she pulls away from zack’s driveway, feeling very much like he’s about to be skinned alive and dumped in a ditch somewhere.

“cloud, don’t panic but we’re staging an intervention,” tifa announces as she pulls back onto the main road.

“think of this ambush as a ‘good cop, bad cop’ situation,” aerith tells him as gently as she can. “i’m the good cop.”

“you roped aerith into this, too?” cloud asks, frantically trying to push the door open. of course, the child locks have activated and he has nowhere to run. he literally has been kidnapped.

“she thinks that she can get through to you in a way that i can’t,” tifa sighs.

“that’s dumb.”

aerith turns around to smile at him. “i just wanna talk. that’s all.”

“okay, i don’t believe that for a single second.”

“why?”

“because tifa’s watching me like a hawk, and i feel very threatened—”

tifa raises a finger. “i’m making sure you stay nice to her so i don’t have to throw your body out of a moving vehicle.”

“i wouldn’t be mean to aerith,” cloud snaps.

aerith beams. “you wouldn’t?”

“i mean…” cloud stammers. “if… if i had to, yeah. but i wouldn’t want to be mean to you.”

“that’s a first,” tifa mutters.

“and actually, quite a fantastic segue into the conversation i wanted to have with you, cloud.” aerith keeps the smile strong as she pushes forward. “i wanted to talk to you about your feelings.”

“oh my god get me out of here,” cloud shouts through the window, banging his fists against it. the passersby in other cars don’t even spare him a glance. probably has something to do with the tinted windows.

aerith turns to look at tifa nervously. “um–”

“he’ll tire himself out eventually,” tifa tells her. “especially once he realizes he’s not going home until we have this discussion.”

“i will get out of here,” cloud says.

“mhm. sure.”

“you won’t get away with this.”

“whatever you say—”

“you guys are insane,'' cloud seethes. “you couldn’t have this conversation with me at the diner? or at tifa’s house this morning? you seriously think that, in order to get me to talk, you had to trap me in a moving vehicle and abduct me?”

“yes,” they both say, as if this is obvious.

“well, i’m not talking.”

“cloud, please?” aerith asks, reaching forward and taking his hand. he watches her as if he wants to pull away, but it’s aerith, and aerith’s nice, and cloud doesn’t want to hurt her feelings—

he frowns. what fucking sleeper phrase did this girl put in his brain to make him so soft on her?

“fine,” cloud mumbles, glaring at their interlocked hands. “what do you want to talk to me about?”

“lay it on him gently,” tifa whispers.

aerith nods. she says, blunt as hell, “zack.”

cloud’s suddenly nauseous. he flings himself against the car door and screams.

“i don’t know about this, tifa,” aerith despairs.

“he’s just being a baby. open the glovebox for me real quick?”

cloud’s in the process of digging his way out when suddenly he’s sprayed with a little water bottle. of course, the water isn’t really water. he smacks his lips in disgust. “you stole wedge’s water bottle?”

“i borrowed it,” tifa says plainly. “i figured i’d need it.”

“this shit tastes disgusting.”

“well, it is white wine from a spray bottle. behave and you won’t have to taste it anymore.”

cloud groans and slumps back. aerith takes his hand again — he tells himself that he’s too defeated to pull away. she examines him carefully, as if he’s going to try and launch himself at the wheel to delay this conversation.

he perks. actually—

“how do you feel about zack?” aerith asks.

cloud frowns. “he’s stupid.”

“so stupid,” aerith agrees, nodding. “you know, when we were kids, he used to try and catch frogs in the lake behind our school?”

“sounds like something he’d do,” cloud says, repressing the worm of fondness that’s trying to make itself known. “why?”

“well, he loves frogs. he wanted to spend all his time with them because he liked them so much.” she takes a deep breath, searches his expression carefully. “kind of like how he likes to spend time with you.”

“he thinks i’m a frog?”

aerith slowly rubs a hand over her face. cloud watches her, confusion and annoyance steadily growing.

“no.”

“then what?”

“zack likes spending time with you because he likes you,” aerith says, strained. “see, zack’s kind of dumb and he doesn’t know how to properly express his feelings. but in your case, you’re really good at keeping your emotions under control.”

tifa snorts. cloud shoots her a darkly confused look, and then looks back at aerith, expectant.

“sorry,” aerith hesitates. “is it weird of me to praise you like this?”

“no,” cloud answers automatically, warm all over. “keep going.”

“okay.” aerith smirks, and cloud almost catches something off about it, but then she’s started up again. “you like spending time with zack because he goes all stupid around you, right?”

cloud nods. “it’s funny.”

“but it makes you feel good, too,” aerith adds casually.

“i guess.”

“i can tell when i look at you, that’s how i know. you’re so much smarter than him, after all. you’re practically glowing when you’re around him. in that sense, you guys are kind of perfect for each other, don’t you think?”

“yeah,” he says. “i think we balance each other out.”

aerith smiles at this. “now, okay, how dumb exactly do you think zack is?”

“oh, he’s a total idiot.”

“absolutely. but if he was stupid with someone else, how would that make you feel?”

cloud blinks. he’s never stopped to think about that before.

is she implying that zack has the capacity to be that dumb around someone other than him? that just doesn’t make any sense. why would zack want that?

“um… i don’t know. i don’t think i’d like it very much.”

“that’s how i feel, too. zack’s really special.”

“i guess,” cloud says, wary.

“you know i used to be zack’s girlfriend?”

“like tifa and i?”

“yeah! i don’t know, sometimes i kind of wonder what would’ve happened if we’d stayed together.”

“but you’re happy with tifa,” cloud cuts, annoyed. “so you don’t want zack anymore, right?”

“i just miss it sometimes, i guess. he was always so caring and protective.”

“he’s still protective.” cloud swallows. “but not… not in a bad way. it makes me feel safe.”

tifa and aerith exchange a look.

“safe in what way?”

“i don’t know,” he mutters, defensive suddenly. “like he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.”

“cloud.” aerith hesitates. “would it… bother you if i still liked zack?”

“kinda,” cloud says with a glare.

“why?”

“because i—”

cloud tenses.

what the fuck. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. suddenly he’s hot all over and it’s hard to breathe. he takes a deep breath, shakes his head.

no. he wasn’t just about to say it. there’s no way.

aerith and tifa have both gone dead silent, staring straight ahead into the windshield. cloud glares out along with them, his face infuriatingly warm.

“um, i’ll pretend that didn’t just happen,” aerith says, calm.

“good,” cloud says, stilted.

“also, let’s not tell zack about this.”

“agreed.”

a smile quirks at the edges of tifa’s mouth.

two years ago, cloud narrowly evades sephiroth for the final time.

it’s nearly two in the morning when he becomes aware of the fact he’s sitting on a train with nothing but a crumpled twenty dollar bill, a pocket knife and an unbearably empty chest.

for a long time, they exist as one: as the train rattles on the tracks, cloud’s heart rattles on his bones. he doesn’t know where exactly he’s going, but there’s a nice old lady who gives him confused, heartfelt directions, which helps a little.

the truth is, cloud hasn’t walked this path in years. half-expects, when the doors open and he steps off at three-forty two, that the earth will be sodden to ruin. that there’s gonna be nothing waiting for him, and his only option will be to turn around and go right back.

but he doesn’t have that luxury, not anymore. cloud lifts a hand to his neck, ghosts his fingers over the stained skin. it ripples painlessly underneath his touch like a third-degree burn.

her house is right where he remembered it, even with his slipping memory. cloud takes a deep breath.

cloud wonders if this could be considered a loss. wonders, numbly, when he stopped attributing an arbitrary definition to love: if it’s always, since the beginning, felt like a competition that needs to fall completely under his control.

the rain’s thick: cold where it’s hitting his shoulders. all of the lights are off, which means she’s probably dead asleep. cloud slips his way through the dark. his fingers are shaking, still pressed snug against his neck as if he can will the marks away.

he knocks once. twice. after a deep breath that puts him at risk of evaporating, three times.

when tifa finally opens the door and sees him standing there, drenched and violet on her front step, her eyes flash with macabre recognition.

“cloud?”

she’s wearing nothing but a sports bra and black sweatpants. her cheeks are still rosy from sleep. cloud stares back at her, guilt-ridden, heart in his mouth.

cloud wonders what she must be thinking after all this time. is there something especially awful about it? not hearing from someone for five months and then finding them tattered and molting on your doorstep?

“sorry. i know it’s late.”

tifa stares at the bruised ring around his neck, ugly as a hand-shaped collar possibly can be. the rain’s relentless, soaking him through. cloud lifts a shaking hand to push his blonde bangs from off his forehead.

“i— i don’t have anywhere else to go.”

he’d cry, maybe, if he had the energy. he’s pretty sure there’s still a part of him on that train.

tifa watches him for a long, long time. finally, she turns and lets him inside.

“why didn’t you call? where’s your phone?”

cloud trudges in behind her. her apartment’s dark, swallowed by the night. he stares at the blinking green clock on the oven. 3:58. what time did he leave campus, again? one-something.

“cloud?”

“huh?”

“your phone,” tifa repeats, anxious.

“i smashed it. he would’ve tracked me if i’d taken it with me.”

she takes the briefest amount of time possible to process this, and then proceeds as normal. “we’ll get you a new one in the morning.”

he winces. “i don’t have a lot of money—”

“cloud, stop. i don’t care about that.”

“i don’t really want a phone,” cloud tries again, heart racing at the very thought.

“we’ll get you something cheap, okay?” tifa says, smiling with tight, horrific pity. “something that’s hard to track.”

he frowns.

“like a flip phone?”

“there’s nothing wrong with flip phones. when’s the last time you drank any water?”

“i don’t know. why?”

she sighs. “did you have dinner before you came here?”

cloud stares at her, torn open and very, very lost. she reads this expression in a flash and goes immediately to the kitchen. “of course not. i’m being stupid. when would you have had time for any of that? we’ll get you some water, something to eat, and then you’ll tell me everything. start to finish.”

“i’m not—”

“you will,” she says, in the firm way that only tifa knows how. “because i haven’t seen or heard from you in months and– and it’s only now that you show up, all fucked up at my door, looking for someone to take care of you? you don’t get to be selfish, cloud. not with me.”

cloud frowns. “i mean, if it’s such a big job, i can just—”

“uh, no. you’re not going anywhere. it’s gonna take a lot more than biting my hand to pry me away from you this time. i mean, goddamnit, cloud, do you know how many times i called? do you?”

he crumbles a little, looks away.

“exactly,” tifa whispers, softer this time. “i’ll do my best, okay? but you need to help me.”

“okay.”

“good,” she finalizes, voice cracking. “now open the fridge and grab the container on the top shelf. you need to eat something.”

this is how it starts: tifa takes cloud into her own hands. she begins reattaching broken chunks, starts with the basics: a glass of water, a spare change of clothes, a bed tucked away in the safety of her spare room.

it’s never easy on her, because cloud is hardened: affronted to the concept of being taken care of. but if tifa knows how to do anything, it’s to persevere. by the time cloud realizes that he doesn’t want to be repaired, tifa’s already stitched back together his most vital parts.

and so it goes.

cloud wakes with a sour taste in his mouth.

his room’s dead silent, save for the rain battering the outside of the house. the bed’s kinda cold, way too big for just himself to occupy it. he lifts his head to check his phone: 11:48 pm. he must have fallen asleep.

the numbers don’t look right, as if he’s not fully awake.

cloud rolls over onto his back. his heart’s pounding for some reason.

the lights are still on in the kitchen, but the rest of his house is awash in black. it creates this weird layer where the shadows of his room seem to ripple and flow around him. and everything’s faintly disorienting, makes it hard for him to get his bearings.

he sits up, as if his body’s being pulled by a string.

sitting across the room, chin in his palm, watching him—

“no,” cloud chokes out.

sephiroth smiles. it sends chills all down his body. “did i wake you?”

“you’re not real.” cloud’s hands shake, nausea swinging for him. “i’m still asleep.”

“are you?”

cloud wants to shut his eyes, but quite frankly he’s terrified to let this illusion out of sight. he knows he can reach over and turn on the light, make it go away, but for some reason he’s frozen to the spot.

it’s been so long since he’s had to ground himself with five senses, so in a way, he’s kind of forgotten how. horribly, every time he tries to start, all he can think of is zack’s face.

“go ahead and turn on the light,” sephiroth coaxes. “i won’t be able to touch you here, sure, but your entire house is pitch black.”

cloud glares at him. his fists grip the sheets, squeeze them until the fibers thin out.

“was that your intention? to leave everything so dark?”

“why the hell would i intentionally sabotage myself?”

“cloud, please — you’re already doing a good job of that, even without my help. but you know it deep down, that there’s no point in trying to hide from me. i’ve already found you.”

“you haven’t,” cloud whispers. “you can’t.”

“i can’t find you?”

“no—”

“why? you think zack’s keeping you hidden?” sephiroth laughs breathily. “you don’t belong to him, cloud. you never will. not when there’s still this part of you that belongs to me.”

cloud sets his jaw, white with fear. he leans over and turns the light on. only when the vision dissipates does cloud allow himself to start breathing again: he presses a hand to his chest to check for his heartbeat, make sure it’s still there.

fuck.

he grabs his phone, nerves slack with adrenaline. it’s a dumb idea, and he’s never going to live it down but—

the phone rings and rings and rings. cloud’s about to hang up when the line connects.

“cloud?”

zack sounds so groggy, but nothing could ever amount to the relief that cloud feels at the shape of his voice.

“were you sleeping?”

“no, i’m— i’m wide awake.” zack sniffs, and there’s a suspicious amount of yawning on the other end. “mm… i’m awake. so awake. what’s… up?”

“can i come over?”

zack doesn’t say anything for a minute. when he speaks again, he definitely sounds wide awake.

“right now?”

“no, zack, in three weeks.” cloud’s teeth are chattering, and he prays to everything witnessing that zack can’t hear it. “yes, right now. i, ah— i had a nightmare.”

not exactly: i saw a shadow person with sephiroth’s face, voice and body would probably be a better way to describe it. but cloud doesn’t want to freak him out, not when cloud’s so close to getting the fuck away from here.

“of course, yeah. i don’t mind.”

“cool.” cloud’s already launching himself out of bed, pressing his phone to his ear as he navigates the darkness. “thanks. i’ll be there soon.”

“how do you know where i live?”

“we dropped you off earlier, dumbass.”

“mm. that’s right. how was the fun day without me?”

“i don’t want to talk about it.”

zack laughs. “okay. do you want me to come get you? you probably shouldn’t ride your bike over.”

“why not?”

“it’s raining.”

cloud pulls on zack’s coat, grabs his keys. “i don’t care about that.”

“i do.”

he pauses in the doorway. “why?”

“why do you think?” zack mumbles, soft with sleep. cloud takes a deep breath.

he wants to see him so badly, it hurts.

“w–well, it’ll be fine. i’ll go slow.”

“cool. if you died in some horrible motorcycle accident, i’d be kinda bummed out.”

“shut up, idiot.”

they hang up once cloud reaches the stairwell. out here, the rain’s so loud it roars through the walls.

he trudges down the steps, hand still pressed up against his chest. his heartbeat flitters against his palm, stuttering and finicky but surging still.

could zack tell how panicked he was? he hopes not.

once cloud steps out into the rain, he feels much more tethered to reality. his breath fogs in the cold, and his keys jangle comfortingly as he mounts his bike.

zack was right: the roads are slick from the downpour. it doesn’t take much to start sliding all over, so to cloud’s annoyance, he can’t get to zack as fast as he wants. but maybe it’s a good thing — maybe this is what the fates want, because it forces cloud to sit with his thoughts as he pierces through the hazy streets.

is he intentionally sabotaging himself? that’s insane. nothing those stupid visions have said have ever made any sense before, so why should cloud be listening to them now?

cloud squints through the torrent. it’s just like before. the night he showed up at tifa’s door, it was raining like this, too. he tries not to notice the vivid symbolism behind that as he rounds the corner, parks himself at zack’s front door.

unlike that night, all of the lights are on this time. cloud has a clear path to zack.

he knocks softly, cautiously. he’s about to knock a second time, and—

zack tears the door open, as if he’s literally just been standing there waiting for cloud to show up. a plume of black smoke trickles out from somewhere inside, followed by the obvious smell of burnt food.

he’s panting, dressed in jeans and a brown flannel that’s only buttoned halfway, exposing a long sliver of his tanned chest. his dark hair’s pushed back, but a few black strands stubbornly flop in his face anyway.

cloud stares.

“hey,” zack says, breathless, smiling. his smile dims about one watt when he takes a closer look at cloud’s shivering frame. “oh, wow, you’re soaked.”

his flannel’s pushed back to his elbows. cloud tries not to stare at his toned, dough-flecked arms, stares instead into his shining eyes that kinda make cloud weak in the knees.

“it’s raining,” cloud manages.

“well, come in,” zack says. he steps aside and cloud stumbles after him, feeling slightly less than whole.

“is something burning?”

“oh, yeah,” zack laughs easily, waving a hand. “i was baking cookies when you called, but i left them in the oven too long. don’t worry about it.”

cloud narrows his eyes. “baking cookies, huh?”

“yep,” zack affirms, not looking at him. he briskly turns away. “i always bake cookies. i’m, um, a really cool and charismatic dude.”

“you’re so,” cloud says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “so, so stupid.”

“but i make a mean sugar cookie,” zack adds, just as the fire alarm starts going off. his poorly put together facade cracks, just for a second, so he can shout and open a window. “oh, man, this is… this is bad timing. i didn’t expect you to show up this fast.”

“i called you,” cloud points out.

zack coughs, pretends he never heard that. he fans at the black smoke until it begins to dissipate and the alarm stops.

the knowledge that zack was attempting to bake comfort cookies isn’t totally lost on cloud. it’s both cute and pathetic, depending on how he wants to look at it.

cloud crosses his arms, dripping wet and shivering still. he looks around.

zack’s apartment is bigger than tifa’s or cloud’s. warm, too. there’s dumb shit all over the place, like posters and little pictures of memes taped on the walls. the kitchen’s cluttered, baking bowls and utensils overflowing in the sink.

in the living room, there’s a couch covered in blankets, a TV balanced on a little dark stand, and an acoustic guitar resting on a stand in the corner. zack’s watching sailor moon, currently.

“you wanna take a shower?” zack asks from somewhere behind him. “it’ll warm you up. plus, i can dry your clothes while you’re in there.”

cloud looks at him. “you’re not taking this coat.”

“i know.” zack grins. “but you’d like it a lot more if it wasn’t soaking wet, i’m sure.”

cloud smirks faintly. he shrugs out of it. exhales weird, like his brain isn’t working quite right. he’s trying not to realize that he doesn’t really want to be by himself, that the fear is slowly eating him alive, but the realization is dawning anyway.

“i don’t have any spare clothes.”

“i’m sure you can find something else to steal from my closet.”

“probably,” cloud offers, give him nothing else.

zack searches his face for something, anything. “the bathroom’s around the corner, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“okay,” cloud mumbles.

zack takes a cautious step closer. “cloud. what’s up? are you okay?”

“um.” cloud sucks in tightly, feels incredibly stupid. “i don’t want to be alone right now.”

“you won’t be,” zack promises. he’s close enough now where cloud can smell his aftershave, the burnt smoke that still lingers on his clothes. “i’ll be right out here if you need me.”

cloud shakes his head. “that’s not—”

zack pulls him in, rests his chin on cloud’s head. the two of them stand there for a minute, smoke on water.

“would you feel better if i came in with you?”

cloud wheezes. heat curls up the back of his neck. “th– um– you– we can’t do that.”

“why not?” zack asks, amused.

“because we’ll both be, um, naked. and…”

“and you won’t be by yourself,” zack finishes for him, tucks a soaked blonde strand behind his ear. “plus, i can watch over you, make sure you’re okay.”

cloud’s voice sounds so strangled and small. “zack.”

“i need to shower, anyway. i’m covered in cookie dough.” zack thinks for a second, and then adds, “besides, if we shower together, that means i have to go out of my way to not stare at you while we’re both in there. which means you win.”

cloud snorts. he shoves zack away. “fine.”

“okay. why don’t you come pick out some clothes, and then we’ll go?”

he nods. zack takes him by the hand, gentle, and guides cloud to his room. he grabs a change of clothes for the both of them while cloud stands in the doorway, peering in curiously.

zack’s bed is a lot bigger than cloud’s, by a long shot: it’s covered in about six different layers of blankets. there are even more posters in here, covering nearly every inch of the wall, and the floor’s carpeted under cloud’s feet.

cloud wanders over, slowly, to the closet. he nudges it open. it’s full of hoodies, but cloud cares about none of them but one: dark blue, with a sewn-in grey hood. he steals it off the rack and presses it to his face, breathes it in.

zack’s scent, his fabric softener, the memory of vodka, sprite and aftershave.

“that’s one of my favorites,” zack warns.

“that’s too bad,” cloud whispers into it.

zack laughs, dulcet. “come on, cloudy.”

cloud lets him take his hand again and pull him, this time to the bathroom. he’s stumbling over himself, isn’t sure why.

once the door’s shut behind them, zack starts unbuttoning—

“hold on,” cloud stammers, grabbing his arm. “you’re— now?”

“what?”

“you’re already getting undressed?”

zack gives him a weird look. “we’re… taking a shower.”

“y–yeah, but—”

“what, cloudy? you wanna strip for me first?”

cloud swallows. “fuck no.”

“you’re blushing,” zack tells him with a grin.

“i’m literally not,” cloud answers, hot everywhere.

zack laughs. he pulls off his clothes — cloud digs his nails into his palms at the sight — and then slips behind the shower curtain. starting to second-guess himself, cloud strips down and joins him.

of course, the moment cloud steps in, zack immediately starts staring at the ceiling. cloud smiles, satisfied.

“you’re blushing.”

“so are you,” zack mutters, reddened. he ducks his face into the shower spray.

once they get used to the close proximity, it’s not that bad. cloud closes his eyes as he washes his hair, doesn’t panic about what he’ll see when he opens them again because zack’s standing right there, babbling on about something stupid.

and for the second time tonight, zack was right. the shower warms cloud up almost immediately. it’s a relief to not be shivering so hard, and soon cloud doesn’t feel grody with cold shadows.

he stands in the spray, eyes fallen shut, almost entranced with the bliss of it. the hot water washes all of his fear away, sends it spiraling down the drain at their feet.

“here.”

he opens his eyes. zack’s standing in front of him, hands slick with conditioner, his own hair already coated in it. zack reaches over and starts scrubbing some into cloud’s hair, his expression smoothed over with something that cloud can very clearly recognize.

because he’s seen this look on zack’s face twice before. except, of course, his dick was in cloud’s mouth at the time. to see it now, so carelessly—

cloud stares at zack’s mouth. a line of soap suds is trailing down his jaw, soft and white and unassuming.

“zack,” cloud says.

“yeah?” zack asks. he tenses. “shit, wait, sorry, was this too much? i can stop. i didn’t mean to—”

cloud wraps a hand around the back of zack’s neck, pulls their mouths together.

zack hums, surprised. he kisses cloud fervently, open-mouthed, his arms wrapping lazily around cloud’s waist. the water’s hot as zack backs him up against the wall, presses him against it. cloud licks into his mouth, moans at the taste of him.

“noisy,” zack manages to sigh out before diving in again. their teeth knock together.

“says you,” cloud whispers. the shower spray is hitting them head-on, now, and cloud squints through it. he can taste soap, but doesn’t really care to wash it out. not now, when zack’s so close, kissing him back so intensely, his hands heavy and possessive on cloud’s waist.

cloud craves it. he hates jealousy, but likes it on zack: knows from experience that zack wouldn’t use it to hurt him, would rather use it as a veil of protection than anything else.

zack groans. he pulls away to kiss at cloud’s neck, and as always, the contact sets every nerve in cloud’s body on high alert. but he ignores them to feel zack’s mouth on him. ignores the sudden shaking, the tautness of his spine, the influx of panic.

“you’re shaking,” zack murmurs into his collarbone.

“it feels good,” cloud says back, hitched.

it’s not like he wants zack to stop, because fuck, he doesn’t. but his body doesn’t know that. his body only remembers the creaky feeling of having no air, the rough, purpled markings that never truly left his memory.

finally, cloud hooks his fingers through zack’s hair, pulls his head back. zack stares at him, dumb with affection, his pupils blown like full moons. cloud smiles at it, momentarily lost, before attaching his mouth to zack’s throat and sucking hard.

zack whimpers. he sways a little, stumbles back. cloud follows him, lets him pull the both of them to the shower floor. cloud seats himself in zack’s lap, swirls his tongue over the shiny new hickey adorning his throat.

it’s a marking, a branding. cloud pulls back to stare at it. zack’s head lolls, tilted to give cloud more access, so cloud goes back in to make another one.

he’s becoming vividly aware of zack’s cock, hard and throbbing against his own. cloud’s feeling dazed, a little nervous. he hasn’t said anything yet about it, but—

“cloudy,” zack coos, slipping a little. “can i touch you?”

cloud nods, panting. zack wraps a big hand around the both of them, pumps them at the same time. cloud keens, knees wrapping tight around zack’s sides. his mouth disconnects from zack’s neck so he can moan, pathetically, into his shoulder instead.

in this moment, he’s only zack’s. belongs to nobody but zack, and nobody can take it away from him.

“you want this?” zack asks, heavy with desire. “you like it when i touch you like this?”

“please,” cloud begs. his head’s fuzzy and warm, overwhelmed. “please.”

“i got you, baby. i’m not gonna stop.” zack works them slowly, his hand shaking faintly. “feels so fucking good.”

“feels so good,” cloud agrees, breathless, tipping his head back. “want you.”

zack’s hand stutters for a second. “you want me…?”

cloud nods, frantic. every part of him is burning, and still it’s not enough. “want you to do what you were supposed to do last night.”

“you want me to finger you?”

somehow, hearing it out loud sobers cloud a little. he glances at zack, somewhat embarrassed. “is that a problem?”

zack groans. he stares back at cloud, somewhat awed. “fuck no. but we should probably, um, move to my bed first.”

cloud looks down between them. zack’s cock is so big, so pretty when it’s resting against cloud’s like this. he feels a surge of pride.

“you wanna finger me?” cloud asks, somewhat shy.

zack curses. he swallows cloud’s cock up inside his hand again, and they both moan.

“so fucking bad,” zack murmurs. “wanna make it up to you, cloudy.”

“you’re… you’re gonna have to do a damn good job to pull that off.”

“fuck,” zack growls. he reaches over and turns the water off, kisses cloud’s shoulder on the way back. “i’ll do my best.”

“it probably won’t be good enough.”

“keep talking like that and i’m gonna start fingering you right here in the shower.”

cloud smirks. he gets to his feet, shaky. zack’s close behind, holding a steady hand against cloud’s spine as they stumble over to zack’s room, dripping all over the floor.

“we probably should’ve—” cloud begins. he doesn’t finish, mainly because zack nudges him onto the bed, crowds in on top of him.

in a blur, they’re kissing again, except this time zack is whispering cloud’s name, like he’s drunk on it. he presses it into each and every messy kiss, like he’s stitching the sound of it into cloud’s skin.

zack pulls away, stares down at him. his dark hair’s dripping, tangled at his neck. cloud watches him, hopelessly lost to the sight of it. he’s probably the most beautiful person cloud’s ever seen.

then, zack swears again. he leans over, starts rifling through one of the drawers in the bedside table. when he reemerges, he’s holding a bottle of lube.

“you’re sure about this?” he asks, one final time.

cloud nods. “j–just fingering, though.”

zack makes a very serious face. “of course.”

“okay.”

cloud takes a deep breath, parts his legs for him. zack watches, mouth agape, breathing heavy. his eyes are so intensely focused on cloud’s body that cloud starts to feel unbearably shy.

“is it okay?” cloud whispers, furiously warm.

“oh angel,” zack groans, exhilarated. “you have no fucking idea.”

zack pours lube over his fingers. is kind of sloppy with it, and droplets fall onto cloud’s stomach. as he settles one heavy, steady hand between cloud’s thighs, cloud shudders.

“i’m gonna tease you first,” zack tells him, watching his face carefully. “if you feel uncomfortable, tell me to stop.”

slowly, cloud nods. “okay.”

zack nods. he circles cloud’s rim with his index finger, sticky and slick with lube. cloud moans soundlessly, clenches around nothing at all.

zack.

“this okay, baby?”

again, cloud finds himself belonging to no one but him. he dances through this torturous cycle endlessly, burning so strongly for zack that his heart physically feels like it’s going to burst.

“yeah,” cloud whimpers.

“okay. you gotta relax a bit before i can slip it in, though. i don’t wanna hurt you.”

cloud shivers. he takes a deep breath, nods again. maybe he’s been nodding this entire time, delirious and so drunk on the feeling of zack’s finger that he doesn’t even fucking notice.

slowly, zack presses one finger against him. he watches cloud’s face with each and every passing second, examining it for any signs of discomfort. when cloud glares at him, zack smirks and finally slips one finger inside.

“zack,” cloud gasps out, tight with pleasure. his hand twitches out: zack’s quick to seize it, intertwining their fingers as he gently works his finger in and out of cloud’s hole.

“there we go, baby.” zack laughs, almost proudly. “that wasn’t so bad, huh? you feel okay?”

cloud turns and buries his face in the pillow. he’s so consumed with the sudden praise that words don’t come fast enough. but still, he’s nodding.

“feels so good.”

zack smiles. “does it?”

“i want more,” he moans, turns and looks at zack just in time to see the darkened lust that crosses over it. “please, zack? more.”

a part of him wonders how he feels, if his body is good enough for zack’s fingers. but the way zack’s staring at him, like he wants to eat him whole, is almost a deadset answer.

zack waits until his first finger is fully inside, down to his knuckles, and then softly pushes a second one inside. he curls them up against cloud’s prostate, grins at the shout that tears itself from cloud’s lungs.

“look at you, cloudy.” with his other hand, zack runs his thumb along cloud’s fingers. “you’re taking this so well. it’s a perfect fit, yeah? just like you were made for me.”

“fair weather, cloudy skies,” cloud whispers.

zack smiles happily. “that’s right.”

he quickens his pace, spreads his fingers wide so that he’s reaching every part of him. cloud feels so stretched thin with fire, like he’s going to come apart at any moment.

still, he’s losing control of himself. that’s something he’s growing painfully aware of.

“zack,” cloud pants.

“yeah?”

cloud hesitates. he tests the words in his mouth before blurting out, “can i fuck you?”

zack’s hand stills. the room goes deadly quiet, like it’s just filled itself to the brim with ghosts. cloud slowly lifts his eyes to zack’s, feeling somewhat horrified.

“um,” cloud says.

zack stares at him with a look that cloud doesn’t exactly recognize. his cheeks are awfully red. “what?”

“you didn’t hear me?”

“no,” zack says, swallows. “i… i heard you. i just… oh fuck.”

“what?” cloud asks, almost whispering. “zack, you’re freaking me out. was that bad?”

“no! no. i just…” zack slowly releases cloud’s hand to press a palm against his face, clearly nerve wracked. “yeah. yeah, cloud, you can definitely fuck me.”

cloud tries to ignore the lingering emptiness that zack’s hand has just left behind. he lifts himself up onto his elbows, stares at zack with an overwhelming sense of arousal. “are you sure? you’ve never done it before.”

“have you?” zack asks, his gaze very intense all of a sudden.

“of course,” cloud says, but completely looks away when he says it.

“really.” zack pulls his fingers free, next, and cloud almost whines at the loss of them. “who’d you fuck, then? because i sure as hell know it wasn’t tifa.”

cloud flushes every single color possible. “um. um—”

“look at me.”

“i can’t, actually.”

zack sighs. he leans over and kisses the crown of cloud’s head, flops over beside him. cloud can feel his eyes lingering, but he focuses on zack’s lower lip instead, shiny with spit and swollen from being kissed so much. why can’t they just. get back to that.

“cloudy, please?”

cloud sighs, now. he meets zack’s eyes.

“hi,” cloud deadpans.

“hey,” zack breathes, smiling stupidly. he skims his knuckle over the ridge of cloud’s cheek. “i’m your first, huh?”

“if you wanna be.”

zack frowns. “cloud—”

“fine, oh my god, yes. you’re my first. okay? are you happy now?”

“yes.” zack grins, turns over onto his back. “i’m very, very happy with this turnout.”

cloud rolls his eyes. he sits upright, tries not to focus on zack’s dick as he moves closer. of course, this doesn’t exactly work because it’s zack’s dick, which cloud has grown quite fond of, and so instead he takes ahold of it, pumps it lazily.

“you’re okay with it, though?” cloud whispers, watching zack’s eyelids grow heavy with sudden pleasure. “you want me to be the first one to fuck you?”

“i want you so much, sweetheart.”

his voice is husky, riddled with something cloud can’t define. he stiffens at the sound of it. instead of acknowledging whatever the fuck is trying to rise up in his chest, he leans over and grabs the bottle of lube, gets his fingers all slicked up.

“how much do you want me?” cloud asks then, betraying himself completely.

zack smiles, totally unguarded. “more than flowers want the sun.”

“that’s cute,” cloud scoffs, warmed. he leans over and kisses zack then, drinks him in. zack rests a hand against the back of cloud’s head, giggles dumbly. “i suppose i should give you what you want, then.”

“i guess,” zack says, grinning.

when cloud pulls away, zack repositions himself so that cloud has better access. he’s the one to part his legs, now, exposing himself completely. cloud stares, mesmerized. his dick throbs.

“well?” zack’s voice is deep, sultry. “come fuck me.”

cloud stumbles forward, very vulnerable all of a sudden. he rubs his thumb over zack’s hole, awed at the way zack’s entire body shivers at the contact. cloud’s doing that: making zack so weak. the realization pulls a moan from him.

he slowly edges the first finger inside. above, zack groans uncontrollably, tries to bite down on the back of his fist to quiet it. cloud hisses: zack’s body is so soft and hot around the digit, parting so easily for him. his head spins.

“this okay?” cloud asks, already knows the answer.

“mm,” zack replies, eyes low.

cloud keeps fucking it into him, slow and steady. zack’s stammering above him, so much that it makes the both of them laugh — more often than not, cloud finds himself smiling. he starts to forget how natural it all seems, starts to not care about anything other than zack’s little noises, his soft insides.

“i’m gonna put another one in, now,” cloud tells him.

“about time,” zack giggles.

cloud flushes. he steadies the second finger, pushes it up inside zack’s heat. zack tightens around his fingers, keens, moans cloud’s name this time—

cloud’s dizzy. his cock is uncomfortably hard against his stomach.

“i’m ready,” zack pants. “cloud, please. baby. i’m ready.”

“you’re ready?”

“please,” he nods frantically. “i wanna feel you.”

cloud swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. he grabs the lube again, drizzles it all over: his cock, zack’s thighs, zack’s hole. zack’s breathless at this point, begging stupidly.

“look at you,” cloud whispers as he lines himself up with zack’s entrance. “you’re practically crying, you want it so bad.”

“would you just…” zack throws his head back against the pillow, exasperated. “just fuck me before i—”

cloud pushes the tip inside. he’s expecting the shout that zack emits, the drawn-out moan that quickly grows into begging, pleading, more cloudy please more.

what he’s not expecting is to feel zack’s heat so strongly, sucking at him this much. cloud feels his eyes roll back as he pushes in deeper. he barely has any time to adjust to the tight space before zack’s hooking an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

“cloud,” zack gasps, like he’s frantically trying to get his attention. thing is, he has it: cloud can’t stop staring at the blissful look on his face, his screwed eyes. “cloud, cloud, cloud.”

“you’re…” cloud manages, slowly stares down. his cock’s half-buried inside zack at this point, getting sucked up so greedily. thoughtless, he starts fucking his hips into him. “you’re so tight.”

“am i?” zack asks, delirious. he laughs, licks over his teeth.

it’s the hottest fucking thing cloud’s ever seen. he wants to cry. wants to lose himself inside, become so deeply tangled within zack’s body that there will be traces of him inside forever.

“zack,” cloud groans. he watches zack’s face as he pushes up further, bottoms out. he’s smiling, this stupid fucker, so dumb and happy and—

“cloudy,” zack breathes. “feels so good. like i was made for you.”

cloud’s brain goes white. he grits his teeth, grinds up into zack relentlessly. he’s going way too fast for his own good: it’s so wet, so fucking loud, and zack’s practically sobbing out his name.

it’s too much. zack clenches around him, so so tight, like a fucking vacuum. cloud’s stomach is so hot, hopelessly so, and the heat is slowly spreading from his center to his spine and—

cloud groans. he comes too fast, too hard, too much. he feels the thrumming pleasure throughout his entire body, zack’s name caught in his throat. for a blissful, stupid minute, all he cares about is making sure that zack is so full, so happy and content with him.

then, once the high of his orgasm dies down, it’s quickly filled with immense, all-consuming dread.

he just fucking came.

cloud stares at zack in horror, feels the definite drip of come as it trickles down zack’s thighs. zack’s head is nestled back in the pillows, his eyes still closed.

for a second, cloud thinks he’s safe. zack didn’t notice because he’s too busy getting fucked out. and then, unmistakably, zack whispers something.

“what?” cloud asks, hoarse.

“one minute,” zack pants, pleased. “one minute and forty-five seconds.”

cloud blinks, stunned to utter silence. zack lifts his head, gazes at him through a haze of dark bangs. he’s grinning wide, shining with utter glee.

“i was counting.”

cloud’s despair is insurmountable, a fucking void. he can’t believe it. refuses to believe it. zack’s still so tight around him, expectant.

a horrible idea starts to take root, cracks open and blossoms slowly.

cloud pulls his cock from zack, feels dizzy at the loss. zack cries out, utterly crushed. he’s left lying there panting, begging for cloud to come back, as cloud stares down at his come-soaked dick and considers how the fuck he’s going to go through with this.

but there’s no way he’s gonna lose.

“i don’t think you’re grateful enough for this,” cloud says, stone cold.

“what?” zack asks, wholly confused. devastated. he blinks hard, disoriented. “cloudy, what do you mean?”

“how many times have i asked you not to call me that?” cloud asks. shaking, he leans forward and teases zack’s freshly empty hole with his fingers.

“you– you were fine with it before.”

“that’s ‘cause you were making me feel good,” cloud murmurs darkly. he meanly slips two fingers in, fucks them up into him lazily. zack coils at the touch, moans, but it’s not enough. “seriously, zack, you think i came? with you doing such a shitty job?”

“c–cloudy– you… mm… driving me crazy,” zack stammers brokenly. “i’m sorry. i thought– i thought–”

“so stupid,” cloud coos. “stupid, stupid whore. you want me to fuck you so bad, huh?”

“i–i deserve it. ‘m good. really, really good.”

cloud swipes up a flood of come with a free finger, fucks that one inside too. “are you, baby?”

“so good,” zack insists, nodding. cloud curls his fingers up against zack’s prostate and zack sobs, arches his back uncontrollably. “pl–please, cloud. i don’t wanna come. not like this.”

cloud grins at this dumb slip-up. he quickens his pace, makes sure to hit zack’s prostate with each and every strategic thrust. zack’s cock throbs, abandoned and yet so, so painfully close.

“please keep fucking me,” zack cries.

“i am fucking you, you dumb little whore,” cloud sighs. he leans forward and licks a long line up zack’s cock, grins at the high-pitched version of his name that spills out of zack’s mouth.

keeping his fingers buried inside, cloud wraps his lips around the head, sucks him down his throat.

zack’s torn through the first two stages of grief like he’s on a speed-run. he’s bargaining now, his sentences stuttered and stupid as cloud swallows his dick down, moans at the taste.

“baby, please. i’ll ride you, i’ll get on my fucking knees and let you take me with my hands tied back. i’ll– fuck, i’ll do anything, please just put your dick back inside me.”

cloud’s almost there: his dick’s fully erect again, bouncing delightfully. he pops off of zack’s cock with a wet pop, meets his widened, tortured blue eyes with cool, calculated ones.

“you’ll do anything, huh?”

“anything,” zack pants. “i–i’m so close, cloud, and i wanna– fuck.”

“you wanna…”

“i wanna come when you’re inside me. please.”

cloud tilts his head, considers this. he’s already itching to cram himself back inside zack’s heat, especially now that he knows he’s gonna last longer, but he restrains himself. “what if i put you in a little skirt, huh?”

zack frowns, somewhat startled. “a skirt?”

“yeah.”

cloud’s not exactly getting the enthusiasm he’s looking for. he lines himself up, brushes his tip torturously against zack’s hole. zack shouts, tries to fuck himself onto cloud’s dick before cloud’s pulling back, smiling.

his heart’s pounding. he wants to be inside zack so bad. so fucking bad.

“i don’t know,” cloud says, horribly sweet. “i was gonna fuck you, but you never answered me.”

“a skirt,” zack gasps, as if suddenly remembering. “right. yes. cloud, fuck.”

“say it.”

“i’ll wear a skirt,” zack says, face going red. “i’ll wear a skirt.”

“and?”

zack shuts his eyes, moans. he looks so tired. “whatever you wanna do, angel.”

cloud smiles. he grabs zack’s leg, positions it over his shoulder and starts lining himself up again.

“i don’t think it’s gonna be enough to make up for how unappreciative you’ve been, though. i think i’m gonna have to take some pictures. maybe put you on a pretty little leash.”

“that’s good,” zack drones, clearly focused only on the sensation of cloud’s cock against him. “i’d love that, baby.”

“would you?”

cloud watches him carefully. zack’s hands are clenched so tightly in the sheets, like he’s physically restricting himself from fucking himself dumb on cloud. that’s fine— cloud will make sure to do plenty of that soon enough.

“mm.”

“well, alright,” cloud sighs, slightly pushes the tip of his cock inside. it takes everything in his power not to immediately shove himself all the way in.

“cloud,” zack begs.

“what?”

zack moans. his head falls back against the pillows. “fuck, baby. i’m yours. i’m so—”

cloud stutters up inside him, groaning. zack swallows him up immediately, so tight and hot and eager. cloud sighs blissfully, dumbly. his hips snap quickly, uncontrollably, a moan slipping from his mouth with every single thrust.

“cloudy,” zack cries out, stupid as hell, his moans growing louder and louder. he sounds so pathetically gone, so loud that cloud can barely hear the mattress creaking anymore.

“zack,” cloud grits out, his composure slowly slipping. it feels like his heart’s being tilted at a dangerous angle, and it’s at risk of falling clean out of his chest.

“i’m gonna come— cloud cloud cloud,” zack shouts, completely oblivious.

cloud knows what’s coming. it’s happened twice before. except this time, he finds himself encouraging it.

“yes, baby.”

“i love you,” zack wails, empty. “i love you. fuck—”

he comes hard, spurting all over his stomach. cloud groans with how tight it gets inside him, everything going white and soft — his fingers dig soft grooves into zack’s thighs, clinging.

someone moans, and cloud doesn’t know if it’s himself or zack: they’re so synced, cloud could mistake his own heartbeat as something inside of zack’s chest.

he fucks zack through his orgasm, so obsessed with his warmth, the safety of him. he’s sliding dangerously close over the edge. still, when zack’s leg slips off his shoulder, he keeps going until he’s teetered over completely: cloud can hear himself panting, crying, overwhelmed.

“baby,” zack pants, sensitive. he gently takes ahold of cloud’s hands, kisses his fingers.

“huh,” cloud mumbles, hypnotized. he slows his pace.

“let me do it.”

zack holds cloud still. shakily, he starts fucking himself down on cloud’s cock, like a fucking toy — cloud lets it happen, vaguely aware of how wet the corner of his mouth is becoming at the sight of it.

“oh my god,” cloud moans.

“you still gotta come, right?”

cloud closes his eyes, repressing the urge to smile. “y–yeah.”

“you close?”

cloud nods.

zack groans. he tightens his grip around cloud’s arms, muscles in his arms clenching. cloud’s definitely drooling now: he stutters out zack’s name, gone, fucking asinine.

“you look so pretty right now,” zack murmurs, softer than anything cloud’s ever heard.

here it comes. zack gets real tight around cloud, suddenly, like he knows what’s happening. everything gets fuzzy around the edges, dreamlike. it’s a love so sweet, cloud gets snagged effortlessly inside of it.

zack. nothing else matters. nothing else will ever matter again.

“go ahead, sweetheart,” zack says, his voice floating in the ether. “i’m right here. i got you.”

cloud comes apart with a sob. it empties him completely, easily. he’s half-aware of what he’s starting to confess halfway through it, so he bites down on his tongue, groans.

“there you go,” zack whispers, nothing but soothing. he pulls cloud into his arms, kisses him all over: his tear-streaked face, his forehead, his neck, his arms. cloud drinks it all in, feverish. “look at you, baby. so perfect.”

cloud mumbles incoherently.

“what?”

“dumb…ass.”

zack grins. “c’mere, big guy. i wanna cuddle.”

cloud cracks his eyes open, delirious. he nestles himself into zack’s side, rests his cheek against his arm. zack smiles down at him, like the big stupid sun he is. he brushes cloud’s hair from his face.

“jesus, cloudy, all this after one orgasm? you must’ve come really hard.”

cloud smiles. “mm.”

“how you feeling? warm?”

“safe,” cloud mutters.

“good. you’re plenty safe here with me.”

cloud repeats zack’s words like a mantra, an oath. as he finally succumbs to sleep, he’s blissfully unaware of the shadows, the shape of possession and bruising and fear.

instead there’s zack, warm and sturdy beside him. he waits for cloud to fall asleep before he slips from bed to turn off the lights, to grab a towel and clean them both off.

only when cloud’s fully taken care of does he finally allow himself to doze off, his heart newly beating for the both of them.

Chapter Text

it’s still raining when zack wakes, wrapped around cloud.

glassy sheets glide down the windows, cold and slippery and opaque. cloud’s sprawled out on top of him, an arm folded over zack’s bare chest. his eyelashes are long and pretty, freckles dark in the filtered light.

zack watches him for a while, memorizing the way his safeguard looks on cloud’s sleeping face. he feels dreamy and warm, surrounded by nothing but cloud’s body heat. languid, he buries his face in cloud’s blonde hair. each strand does its best to tickle zack’s cheeks, return his kisses with fair plumes of amity.

cloud smells so strongly of zack: his skin, his soap, his sheets. he carries the scent of zack like a spring breeze, light and diffident and on the verge of full bloom.

under the covers, cloud curls into his body heat. he settles against zack, bare skin against skin. there’s an overwhelming tenderness to it that fills zack’s chest with deep affection.

he carefully lifts a hand, drifts his fingernails along cloud’s spine.

cloud’s hand twitches against zack’s chest, a ghost reaction to zack’s touch. his skin is flushed and soft, warm where zack’s fingers meet it. zack’s heart feels as if it’s walking on air.

maybe in another lifetime, zack would be scared that this moment isn’t going to last; that the second cloud wakes up, this memory becomes a dream that shatters forever.

but then cloud cracks his eyes open, and zack is the first thing he sees. his baby blues are so sweet on him, dewy and unguarded.

“hey cloudy,” zack breathes, adoring. cloud blinks once, twice, lazily turns his face into zack’s shoulder to hide a smile. “you sleep okay?”

“no way,” cloud grumbles, morning eyes soft and squinty. his voice is still rough with sleep. “how long have you been staring at me?”

“since you showed up last night.”

cloud groans at this. he lightly nudges zack’s bare shoulder.

“idiot.”

zack grins. he squeezes cloud, gentle, exhilarated.

cloud turns his face up towards him, expectant. as zack stamps kisses on his jaw, his throat, cloud lists his head to give zack better access. he sighs softly.

“do you have to be anywhere today?”

“nowhere but here, sunshine.”

cloud smiles. “i get to spend the whole day with you?”

“mhm.” zack trails his hands along cloud’s waist, studying every edge. “we have all the time in the world.”

they sink into each other, a mess of morning kisses and soft murmurs. outside, there’s a slow rumble of thunder.

the world is grey and lethargic, blurry forms and shapes. inside this room, their hearts are beacons, melting into one another like molten glass.

zack’s stupid with it, this new sensation he’s only just beginning to recognize. as cloud pulls back to smile at him, every edge softened, zack is so adamant on never leaving this bed.

but the events from last night are creeping up on them. zack isn’t sure he’ll ever forget the way cloud sounded on the phone: like someone had been standing right there with him, like he’d been cursed.

zack holds this fear out of cloud’s reach. he brushes a floppy, fair bang from cloud’s forehead instead, smiles as he leans into the touch. “you hungry?”

cloud nods. “i could eat.”

“hmm.” zack sits up, yawns. “we could make pancakes.”

“the dirty kind?” cloud asks, only to get an exasperated shove from zack. he snorts. “i’m kidding. kinda.”

“yeah,” zack says, wary. he’s still a little sore all over. “maybe after we eat something. i have a feeling you haven’t eaten in a little while.”

“what makes you say that?”

“your stomach was growling in your sleep,” zack says, smirking. “and you never did eat any of my cookies.”

“the burnt ones?”

“made with love,” zack gasps, lifting a mock-offended hand to his chest. cloud shoves him this time, his cheeks painted a summer dawn.

“idiot,” cloud mumbles. he slips from bed and stretches his arms over his head. zack tries and fails to not stare at the curve of his hips, his ass. there’s a tiny purple lovebite hiding in cloud’s collarbone, and zack kinda wishes he’d made it darker. that way, whenever people looked at cloud, they’d know he belongs to—

“stop staring at me.”

zack grins. “i can’t help it.”

cloud rolls his eyes. he bends over — christ — and grabs one of zack’s sweatshirts. it’s the one he picked out last night: the dark blue one, zack’s personal favorite.

he’s pretty sure it’s the one he’d been wearing when they first met, but maybe that’s just his overly-affectionate brain flying off the rails.

there’s no way, right? cloud would never remember something like that. he’d been too wasted.

still, the sight of cloud half-naked in zack’s clothes leaves absolutely nothing else to be desired. zack watches him intently, fondly. he could get used to it, he thinks. cloud looks good in his clothes.

“here,” cloud says, annoyed. he launches a shirt in zack’s direction. “put this on before your eyes fall out of your head.”

“put some pants on before i have the chance to get over there,” zack retorts as he tugs the shirt on.

cloud snorts. he goes to zack’s dresser, steals a pair of boxers. as he’s pulling them on, zack feels his heart do a physical backflip in the center of his chest. he ignores it and catches the pair that cloud flings his way.

“if you cook how you flirt, we may have to go out for breakfast.”

“please,” zack scoffs. “we’ll be using a family recipe.”

“your family recipe is from letmelickthebowl.com?” asks cloud.

zack’s in the process of tying an apron at his back. it’s white and reads i ♥ rubbing my meat. cloud takes a long, long look at him.

“i said a family recipe,” zack snaps. he points a wooden spoon at him. “just because it’s not mine doesn’t mean it wasn’t painstakingly crafted to be delicious.”

“sorry chef.” cloud continues scrolling through zack’s phone. “oh my god when are they going to actually get to the recipe. they think we care that they used free-range eggs and organic strawberries? if i wanted to be healthy, i’d be eating, like, an avocado or something.”

“you know, i had the best avocado the other day,” zack says, grabbing a package of strawberries from the fridge. “aerith brought it over. i forget where she said she got it from, but it was so fresh.”

cloud frowns. “the grocery store?”

zack reaches around him to grab a cutting board. “well, no shit. but the produce guy was telling her that they got this shipment in from somewhere way, way out. midgar, i think.”

“never heard of it,” cloud begins to say, and then he pauses. “hey, zack?”

“yeah?”

“do you know anything about an email called ‘cascadafan2003’?”

zack nearly cuts one of his fingers clean off. he laughs once, way too loudly, and shakes violently as he tries to cut a strawberry into the shape of a heart. “no?”

“are you sure? because i got this really stupid spam email like, four months ago maybe, and i’m pretty sure it mentioned a midgar.”

“that’s crazy,” says zack as he frantically tries to change the subject. “anyway, i was lying just now. that avocado actually tasted like shit. it was watered down and tasteless. i can’t ever imagine using it in any dish. aerith should’ve just gone with a hass avocado.”

“no, it definitely did mention a midgar.” cloud’s squinting down at zack’s phone. “i’m checking my email right now.”

“you logged into your email on my phone?” zack asks. “how did you learn to do that?”

cloud bristles. he stomps on zack’s foot. this time, zack does nick his finger, but that’s okay, because cloud has been successfully distracted.

“i’m not a caveman just because i use a flip phone, okay?” cloud grits out. “sometimes people don’t need a supercomputer in their arsenal at all times.”

“sorry, boomer.” zack ducks an expected swing from him, grinning all the while. “i’ll leave you and your ancient technology alone.”

“it has a calculator,” cloud snaps.

“oh, wow. good thing, or else you’d never be able to count.”

cloud swings for him again, but zack grabs his wrist. he twists his arm in zack’s grasp, looking almost startled that he can’t tug it free. amused, zack uses his free hand to swipe chopped strawberries into a bowl.

once the knife is safely out of the way, zack tugs him closer. cloud’s adorable like this, grumbling and flustered. it’s clear that he still very much needs distracting, so for that sole reason, zack leans in.

cloud eyes him suspiciously. he slowly helps close the gap between them. “what is it?”

“wanna kiss you.” zack releases his wrist so that he can wrap both hands around cloud’s tiny waist, pulls him up tight against him. the small of zack’s back digs uncomfortably into the counter, but he couldn’t give less of a shit. “just for a little while.”

cloud groans, tripping head over heels into the touch. they descend into a sea of kisses: zack tastes his lips, his tongue, his teeth. he’s starving for it, suddenly. he slips his hands underneath cloud’s (his own, zack realizes with an irresistible throb) sweatshirt, digs his fingers possessively into cloud’s warm skin.

cloud keens, bucks his hips up into zack’s front. their hard-ons grind against each other through their boxers — again, both zack’s — and both of them sigh helplessly at the sensation.

“we’re supposed to be making pancakes,” zack scolds softly. he’s not serious. can’t be, not with cloud this close, his pupils blown out with sanctity.

“you’re the one who started kissing me,” whispers cloud, his eyes locked onto zack’s mouth. he reaches out with a timid finger, runs it along zack’s bottom lip. “i was fine with making pancakes.”

“really? i feel like i’m the one doing all the work.”

cloud raises an eyebrow. “really?”

“well, yeah.” zack pulls back to gesture at the chopped strawberries. “i mean, look at that. i’ve chopped a lot of them, and you were just—”

cloud groans. “that’s not what i mean.”

“huh?”

“we’re talking about two completely different things here.”

“we are?” zack blinks. he’s trying to mentally retrace himself, find out what the hell cloud’s talking about, but he’s gone entirely brainless at cloud’s touch. cloud knows this, of course he does: in fact, he digs the cusp of his fingernail into zack’s lip just to prove it.

“i love your mouth,” he mumbles.

hearing that specific word come out of cloud’s mouth is a singularity. zack goes stupid all over, like someone’s just unplugged his brain. cloud’s mouth continues moving, but zack doesn’t hear a word.

he wants to hear it again. it’s so pretty when cloud says it, like the crash and lull of a summer wave against the shore. zack wants cloud to drown him in it, to hold his head under the surface and smother him.

cloud frowns. he traps zack’s lips between his thumb and index, squeezes zack’s mouth into a pout.

“zack.”

“mm.”

“are you listening?”

“kinda,” zack mutters, flushed, dumb. “what did you say though? just so i’m sure.”

cloud rolls his eyes. “turn around.”

zack raises an eyebrow, unsure. “why?”

“just do it.”

he does. but of course he does. zack’s so high off of the L word that he’d dive off a building, if cloud asked.

as cloud reaches up and grabs a fistful of his hair, zack starts to suspect that cloud’s fully aware of this.

“cloud,” zack says, wary. even so, as cloud pushes him down over the counter, zack lets it happen. every inch of his body is on fire, aching for cloud’s touch. “we have to make—”

“later,” cloud mumbles from behind him. “lift your hips.”

“what?”

“shut up and lift ‘em. i wanna fuck you.”

zack shivers. “i… mm. i dunno. i feel like we should… talk… fir… st… can you stop… grinding against me—”

“what do you wanna talk about, baby?” asks cloud sweetly. he continues holding zack’s face flush against the counter, presses his hard-on against zack’s ass. “i’m listening.”

zack feels himself melt at the name, really fucking wishes he didn’t. a silent groan falls out of his mouth.

“last night,” zack says. “i mean, you just showed up here at one in the morning and we never really discussed—”

“we’ll discuss that after,” cloud urges, tugging zack’s hair meanly. the angle cloud’s holding him at is making his neck sore. “i promise.”

“sure.”

“you sound miserable. are you really that upset about me wanting to fuck you?”

“no,” zack insists, probably a bit too fast. to his horror, cloud softens his grip, rubs his hair sympathetically. “it’s just…”

“i get it.” cloud sighs. he releases zack’s hair entirely, and when zack angles his face to look at him, he looks disappointed. zack’s heart lurches at the sight. “sorry. i just really wanted to show you how much i love having sex with you.”

zack grapples with the wave of bliss that tries to consume him. cloud’s watching his face carefully, his eyes almost clandestine as they laze over him.

“you—” zack blinks, hard. his mind’s gone blank again, just like that. “fuck.”

cloud smirks.

“you look a little dazed.”

“you keep…” zack hisses in through his teeth as cloud digs his thumbs into zack’s thighs, pries them apart.

“can i take your underwear off, baby? please?”

“i’m still wearing the apron,” relents zack, finally. as cloud hooks a finger underneath and rubs his taint, he shudders violently. “cloud.”

“i know.” cloud grabs the waistline of zack’s boxers and tugs them down around his ankles. “up.”

zack’s suddenly consumed with the knowledge that his entire ass is on display, and for some reason it embarrasses him a lot more than he’s expecting.

other things are starting to distract him too, now, like the fact that the pancake batter is inches away from his head, still in the bowl.

the counter’s too cluttered, too cramped. it’s an awful place for cloud to nail him, and yet, he’s turning his face into it as he lifts his hips. “cloud—”

“you’re talking an awful lot.”

“you’re making me nervous.”

“do you want me to stop?”

“no?” zack swallows. “i don’t know.”

“what are you, shy?”

zack opens his mouth, closes it. he sucks in roughly.

“no.”

“you are.” cloud giggles, grinning wide. “zack, why? is it embarrassing for you to remember how desperate you were last night? it really wasn’t that bad, i promise. i sure enjoyed myself. a lot.”

in a flash, zack’s struck with the psychological barrage of the night before. it’s hazy — he was too out of it to really grasp anything properly — but he distantly remembers a lot of begging, some crying, the irresistible sensation of being filled up.

he groans into the counter.

cloud squeals, delighted. zack continues to stare into the blackened, blind space of his vision as mortification hits him in steady waves.

“don’t worry,” cloud murmurs, low and rich. his finger is brushing against zack’s hole now, which is so sensitive and won’t stop throbbing and zack just wants cloud to shove it in now, what the fuck. “it was really hot.”

“you don’t say,” zack whispers. whimpers. he’s resisting every urge to fuck his hips down onto cloud’s finger because that’s clearly the exact reaction that cloud’s trying to pull out of him.

“we left the lube upstairs.”

“that’s okay,” zack strains. really, it is. he’s so horny it’s fucking embarrassing — his cock is painfully hard, waiting and curved against his stomach. “we can just—”

he’s cut off by the sudden sensation of something wet and warm trickling down his taint. zack jolts. he turns his head just in time to see cloud spit on him a second time, smirking as drool slicks his lips.

zack bites down, hard.

“okay, sunshine,” cloud coos, swiping his finger around in the mess he’s just made. “i’ll start slow.”

zack giggles, isn’t sure why.

he’s nervous.

neurotic, actually.

cloud’s oblivious to this, hyper-focused on zack’s body as he presses one finger inside him. it’s tight at first, overwhelmingly so: zack winces, clenches uncontrollably around the single digit.

cloud murmurs softly, gives him a few reassuring scratches on the top of his head. “it’s just me, puppy.”

“i know,” zack whispers. “i can’t calm down.”

“you got yourself all worked up, that’s why.” cloud slowly slides his finger back out, which causes an influx of conflicting emotions in zack’s brain. before zack can process it fully, cloud glides forward and presses his lips against zack’s hole instead.

zack feels the unmistakable drip of precome against his stomach. he moans, horribly loud.

“oh baby,” cloud laughs. he rolls his tongue and edges it inside, gentle.

“cloud,” zack yelps, hands curling into fists. as a response, cloud licks a slow, dreamy stripe along zack’s insides, tasting every centimeter with lazy fervor. his hands are wrapped around zack’s hips all the while, holding him steady.

zack coils around the touch, euphoric.

there’s nothing that could ever compare to the feeling. cloud’s mouth is so warm and merciful against him, his fingers rubbing reassuring circles into zack’s skin. it’s halcyon. zack’s all soft around the edges, moaning senselessly into the cold countertop.

cloud pulls back, briefly, to sigh happily at him. “you taste so good, puppy.”

“please,” zack spills out. “cloudy, please.”

“you want more?”

“so much.”

cloud surges forward again.

zack can’t see the motions as they happen, and that somehow makes the buildup ten times worse. cloud parts his lips slowly, creating a soft, heated cavern directly above zack’s entrance. then, after a heavily considered millisecond, cloud spits directly inside him.

there’s absolutely no time to react before cloud’s working a finger back in. zack shouts, his fingers scraping at the counter.

“that’s so good, puppy.” the combination of cloud’s praise and his spit, rolling down zack’s taint, is almost overwhelming. by the time cloud teases him with another finger, zack’s panting.

cloud’s fingers are smaller than his own, but still cloud fucks him better with them than zack ever has when he’s doing it to himself. he certainly knows how to use them, stretching them wide and playing around inside zack like he’s nothing but a toy.

zack groans, low. his abs are sticky with precome now, his face hot where it’s adhered to the countertop.

“w–want more.” the words spill out of him uncontrollably, like cloud’s flicked a switch. “please? pretty please?”

“you gotta wait just a bit longer, puppy.” cloud splays his fingers wide, jerks his wrist in a way that makes zack see stars.

“god. i– i don’t know if i can last much longer.”

“if you wanna come, then come.”

zack shakes his head. “d–don’t wanna come like this.”

“that’s what you said last night, too,” cloud muses. he presses a third finger against zack’s rim, laughing faintly as it nearly slips right inside. “you don’t wanna come from my fingers?”

“no,” zack whines. “no.”

“why not?”

“your dick feels better.”

“ah.” cloud pushes the third digit in. zack’s so full, dizzy with it, but it’s not enough. it won’t be enough until cloud’s bottomed out inside him. the warm pull of cloud’s fingers is nice, but nothing compares to the full-body lull of completely, utterly belonging to him. “beg for it.”

zack immediately tries to say about nine different things at once, resulting in nonsensical stammers. they both laugh. zack tries again. “cloudy, i really, really want you to fuck me now.”

“i know, baby.”

“please.”

“you belong to me, right?”

zack nods, feverish. “i do.”

“you’ll never belong to anyone else?”

“never again.”

“you’re mine,” cloud says, thrusting his fingers to the rhythm of each word. “all mine.”

“all yours,” zack agrees, heart soaring with it. “all yours, i promise.”

“good.” there’s a horrible moment where cloud carefully removes each finger. he does it slow, agonizing. and then he’s grabbing zack’s hips, guiding his cock between them. “all mine. my sweet little puppy.”

zack whines, high-pitched and humiliating. he tries to grind down, but cloud’s holding him still.

“so eager,” cloud murmurs. he pulls zack closer, edges the tip inside. zack clenches, overexcited. “holy fuck, zack, take it easy. you’re too excited.”

“can’t help it,” zack groans.

“you weren’t nearly this impatient last night,” says cloud as he slowly works himself in and out. “we gotta go slow this time, okay? you’re nice and wet, yeah, but we don’t have lube. i just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“i’m fine. shut up.”

he doesn’t mean to snap, but it slips out before he can stop himself. zack tenses. behind him, cloud slows to a stop. there’s an awful period of silence where zack thinks that he’s gonna pull out, but then—

cloud seizes him by his hair. he tugs zack’s head back, slow, forces zack to look him in the eyes.

“don’t talk to me like that,” he warns, low. his eyes are dark, ringed with feral lust.

zack’s jaw drops slightly. he’s so turned on he could die, probably.

cloud watches him closely, tilts his head. faint consideration crosses his face for a moment, and then he hovers his face over zack’s lips.

“say aah.”

zack does. cloud spits straight into his mouth.

“good boy,” cloud whispers. he yanks his hair again, smiles. “i’m gonna fuck you ‘til you cry.”

zack’s vision blurs for a second. he’s half-aware of cloud’s spit trailing out of his mouth, his own drool mixed in with it. and then cloud’s thrusting inside him, hard. it happens too fast: zack cries out, split.

“does it hurt?” cloud asks, strained.

“a little,” zack pants. “feels good.”

“fuck,” cloud moans. he drags his cock back out slowly, immediately sinks back in. “zack, you’re so fucking tight.”

cloud’s hand twitches where it’s grasping at zack’s scalp. head trapped in place, zack stares at him, hypnotized. cloud’s face has gone all red, his eyes spacey and squinted. heat hits zack in a huge wave, white-hot and unrelenting.

it takes everything in zack’s power not to come right then and there.

zack swallows. “cloud.”

“y–yeah,” cloud moans, rocking his hips back and forth. “i know.”

there’s nothing but three little words circulating throughout zack’s brain, and he can’t tell if he’s too scared to say them, or if he’s overwhelmed by the realization. his fingers dig into the countertop as cloud stares down at him. he watches zack like he can read his thoughts.

even so, it’s right on the tip of zack’s tongue, threatening to spill. and then cloud bottoms out inside him, laughs with the pleasure of it. he keeps a firm grip on zack’s hair as he begins fucking him out, vicious.

zack stutters. he chokes out cloud’s name once, twice, three times. soon it’s all he can say, a steady buildup of insanity that’s timed to the rhythm of cloud’s fervent thrusts.

“pretty baby,” cloud groans over the endless drone of his own name. “wish you could see yourself right now. so pretty. all mine.”

zack squeezes his eyes shut. he’s so viscerally aware of how loud he’s shouting cloud’s name, but it’s keeping him from saying something impossibly stupid. he wonders if the neighbors downstairs can hear him wailing.

“where’s your phone,” cloud pants. “wanna… record you. wanna use you again later, when i’m alone.”

he reaches over somewhere to zack’s left, making sure to keep one hand stiff in his hair. zack’s neck is cramping bad from the angle, but then cloud’s holding his phone and recording him and it—

“cloud,” zack gasps, eyes rolling back. “cloud. cloud.”

“suuuch a good angle,” cloud keens. “puppy, you look so good.”

oh—

zack pants, frenetic. “m–more.”

“more?” cloud laughs. “baby, your face is covered in tears already.”

“can’t help it,” zack gasps, sobs. “i d–don’t wanna keep it in anymore.”

“keep…what in?” cloud’s thrusts slow down faintly, and zack practically screams at him not to stop. stunned, cloud returns to his previous tempo. zack’s vision shudders in place.

“zack,” cloud pants. “y–you’re squeezing me so tight—”

“cloud,” zack moans. he wants to reach around and grab cloud’s hands, but they’re out of reach. fresh tears dribble down his cheeks. “p–please.”

“i’m right here, baby.”

cloud loosens his grip on zack’s hair, just faintly. his eyes darken. zack can feel his orgasm coming fast, inescapable and crushing. “go on and say it.”

as heat climbs through zack’s gut, he sobs. there’s a brief period where his mind goes blissfully silent, and then those three words resurface, lethal and threatening to wash everything away.

before he can finish, cloud slams a hand over his mouth. he immediately stops thrusting, pressing zack hard against the counter.

zack pants, feeling somewhat betrayed. his orgasm quickly dissipates, trickles out of reach. “wh–”

“shut up,” cloud whispers. “listen.”

zack stares at him like he’s insane, but he focuses on the white noise of his apartment anyway. just as he’s about to cuss cloud out, he hears it: two knocks on the front door. the both of them look over, painfully slowly, to see zack’s mailman peering into the kitchen window, his hands cupped over his eyes.

“oh my god,” zack croaks, mortified. “is he looking at us?”

“well, he sure as fuck isn’t watching sailor moon.”

zack wants to rear back and punch him, but cloud’s still holding his hair in a death vise.

“i need a signature,” the mailman yells through the door.

“never underestimate the hardworking backbone of our ill-functioning society,” cloud whispers. with a sigh, he releases his grip on zack’s hair. “you wanna go get that?”

“i want you to come in me,” zack states, blunt.

cloud rolls his eyes. he pulls out of zack with a sickeningly slow pull. “i’ll finish you off in a minute. go get the fucking door.”

zack attempts to slide off of the counter, but his legs aren’t working right and he falls to the ground. cloud laughs at him from somewhere, and zack has just enough consideration to flash his middle finger.

he scrambles to grab underwear, is pretty sure he’s put them on backwards as he runs to the door.

“wait!” cloud shouts, at the last possible moment.

zack stumbles, almost trips over his feet. he turns back. “what?”

“apron.”

zack looks down at himself, unties it with a sigh. honestly, he thinks he’d prefer the mailman seeing his bare chest than seeing the slut-affirming apron.

less of a jumpscare, he’s sure.

the mailman’s standing on the porch, holding a tiny package. to zack’s disbelief, he has the audacity to pointedly check his watch as zack struggles to unlock the door.

he wants to fling the door open, really show off the mess behind him and drive the point home, but zack thinks better of it. cloud’s still naked, and zack feels carnally possessive at the thought. he really doesn’t want anybody else looking at him.

“hello,” the mailman says, annoyed, as zack cracks open the door. he takes about a millisecond absorbing the blatantly obvious state of zack in backwards, inside-out underwear. “sorry to interrupt your… experience.”

“hi kevin,” zack deadpans. he takes the clipboard. “your timing is fucking impeccable, i’ll admit.”

“you’re being louder than usual. all those theatrics for a solo activity?”

zack scribbles his name down, face dark. “yup.”

kevin scoffs, shaking his head. his eyes wander to the space behind zack, and suddenly he pales, his eyes going wide wide wide.

zack has an idea of what’s just snagged kevin’s attention. he certainly doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head, but he does know that, if there’s one thing cloud has, it’s the fucking audacity.

“where do i put my initials?”

kevin whistles low. “zack fair, you are one lucky motherfucker.”

“initials,” zack growls, neck hot, shoving the clipboard into kevin’s immediate line of sight.

“oh. right. sorry. bottom left.”

zack scrawls, shoves the clipboard back at him. kevin’s still utterly shellshocked, staring into the house behind him, so zack takes the package himself.

he slams the door behind him and whirls on cloud, who’s now sitting pretty on the counter, head lolled back, everything on display.

“really?” zack asks, confounded.

“so how often do you finger yourself to the thought of me?”

“what?”

“that guy seemed very desensitized to the sound of you shouting out my name, that’s all.”

zack stares at him. cloud hops off the counter cutely, wanders over and pries the package out of his slackened, defeated grip.

“what’d you order?”

“don’t change the subject. you just gave my mailman cardiac arrest.”

cloud smirks. he rips the mail open, which is a felon, but zack doesn’t have the energy to spark that playful banter right now. after some annoyed mumbling about the packaging, cloud tugs out a horrifically familiar box—

“give that to me,” zack yells, lurching for him.

cloud darts out of his reach. “a vibrator?”

“cloud!”

“zack, it’s so little and cute.” cloud rips the top of the box open and starts digging through it.

“christ.”

cloud tugs the vibrator out with a victorious giggle. it’s small, bullet-shaped, barely filling the palm of his hand. zack stares helplessly.

a little click, and the mortifying sound of violent vibrating fills the room.

“no shit! they sent it fully charged, too.” cloud pauses, heads towards the sink. “i’m gonna wash it off real quick.”

“what? why?”

“why do you think?” cloud asks, eyes raking over him fatally. “you were right. kevin’s timing was perfect.”

zack watches, wordlessly, as cloud dries off the vibrator with one of his fucking kitchen towels. when he walks back over, there’s a dark glint to his eyes. zack takes a preemptive step back. cloud closes the space between them, nudges zack back against the couch.

“lie down.”

“i don’t know,” zack mumbles nervously. cloud’s wielding the vibrator like a hunting knife. “maybe we should—”

“oh my god,” cloud groans. he pushes zack down onto the couch— really, zack doesn’t put up much of a fight either way. almost immediately, cloud makes himself comfortable between zack’s knees.

the sight of cloud’s hungry gaze, locked onto the slight bulge of zack’s underwear, is just enough to make his brain short-circuit entirely.

“cloud—”

“i know, baby. lift your hips — let’s get these boxers off you.”

“okay,” zack says, dizzy.

he lifts his hips up, impatiently slides his underwear down. cloud watches him intently, humming in approval when his dick bounces free.

“lie back for me?” cloud asks.

“yeah,” zack whispers. he sinks back against the cushions.

cloud clicks the vibrator on. zack’s dick twitches in interest.

“you’re probably still sensitive, so this shouldn’t take long,” cloud tells him pointedly.

zack can’t tell if it’s an insult or not. he narrows his eyes.

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean, i’m gonna try to stretch this out as long as i can.”

cloud reaches down and runs the vibrator along zack’s inner thighs. it feels so fucking good, and it’s not even inside him yet: zack groans through a wave of full-body shudders. his cock throbs.

“this okay? it’s at the lowest setting.”

“are you sure?”

“mhm.” cloud smirks. he trails it down lower, makes a slow oval around zack’s rim. zack grabs onto the arm of the couch to steady himself.

fuck fuck fuck.

it’s humming so strongly against him, zack can feel it in his teeth. he clenches around nothing, bites down on his tongue.

“i’m gonna put it in,” cloud murmurs, watching his face carefully. it looks like he likes what he sees. “okay?”

zack nods once, tightly. he shuts his eyes. “you’re… you’re not gonna use your…”

“my dick? no.” cloud sinks the tip of the vibrator against him, grins when zack cries out. “i have a better idea for you.”

if zack was in his right state of mind, that sentence may have been a cause of concern. but zack’s too busy arching his back and groaning to care. cloud pushes it in — it slips quickly inside him, easy, what with zack still being fucked wide from before.

zack sobs. the vibrator’s relentless, thrumming intensely against his insides. he rocks his hips against it, feeling incredibly needy, and even more incredibly, stupid.

“you’re shaking,” cloud giggles.

absolutely no logical response comes to mind. zack whimpers, his spine tingling delectably. the vibrator hums in one constant stream, with no breaks in between. panting, zack flutters his eyes. his vision crosses.

cloud coos at him, fucks the vibrator in and out a few times before edging himself closer. he gets in position over zack’s cock, grabs the base and circles his mouth with it.

of course, the moment zack has the ability to perceive cloud going down on him, cloud swallows him down and his spiky, annoying but beautiful hair obscures everything. as the heat takes over, zack quickly finds himself not caring.

zack’s brain ceases. he’s pretty sure he fucking flatlines.

cloud licks a lazy circle around the tip, uses his free hand to work the vibrator around. he’s playing with it, rubbing it up against any part of zack’s insides that gives any sort of resistance. zack’s gripping the couch, white-knuckled, like he’s gonna black out from pleasure.

cloud’s tongue cradles his length, gentle but forward. everything he does is hypnotic, as if he’s determined to make zack keen and cry out for him.

“right there,” zack slurs, gone. “please, cloudy, don’t stop.”

cloud laughs. the sound’s garbled by zack’s dick and zack’s so fucking horny that he can’t see straight anymore. his eyes are heavy, half-lidded as cloud presses the vibrator up against his prostate.

he wants to come. wants it so bad, knows cloud isn’t gonna let him have it so easily. cloud mercilessly tugs the vibrator away from his sweet spot as if to prove this unspoken point.

“i can’t,” zack manages. “i wanna come.”

satisfied, cloud gathers an overwhelming amount of drool under his tongue and lets it dribble down zack’s length. the added wetness helps cloud go deeper and—

“baby,” zack groans, reaching out to seize a fistful of his hair. “slow down. your throat’s really tight.”

“nn.”

moaning, cloud twists his wrist, and suddenly the vibrator is digging back into zack’s prostate. cloud’s throat constricts around him, twitching. zack grips his hair, desperate.

“cloud. baby. please.”

cloud finds the thick, twitching vein along zack’s cock and licks at it, slow and hot. zack stutters out his name, begs. he’s not sure for what. doesn’t know if he wants cloud to stop because he’s so overwhelmed it hurts, or if he wants cloud to keep pushing, force him into a state of total mindlessness.

right before he’s about to come, cloud pulls off. zack’s cock pops from his mouth and zack gasps at the sudden loss of heat. his hand’s still wrapped throughout cloud’s hair and yet he’s powerless as cloud watches him.

with a smirk, cloud clicks off the vibrator. he slips it free. zack feels the empty silence in every single part of his body.

they stare at each other.

“hi,” cloud says.

zack’s chest heaves.

“hi,” zack repeats, incredulous.

“oh, sorry. were you about to come?”

there’s a rich darkness to his tone that makes zack’s dick spasm. he both loves and hates it.

“cloudy—”

“i didn’t realize,” cloud adds sweetly. he trails a lazy finger across the vein he’d just been sucking at moments ago. “i’m getting kinda bored, though. not sure if i wanna keep sucking you off. in fact, i have a better idea.”

“what,” zack strains, filled with dread.

cloud smirks. he climbs up onto the couch opposite him, and zack shifts back to make room.

“what are you doing?”

“shut up,” cloud sighs. he collapses back. “c’mere.”

“can you just pick a goddamn position and stick with it?” zack snaps. but he’s sitting up already, of course he is.

laying back like this, cloud’s exposing everything. zack stares at the hardened curve of cloud’s cock against his stomach, pretty and expectant. zack wants to put it in his mouth. he wants to put it anywhere cloud will let him.

instead, cloud rubs his palm between his thighs. zack watches his fingers curl and dig into the soft, inviting skin of them, whimpers quietly.

“okay,” cloud says, finally, angling his head to meet zack’s starving, edged gaze. “come here. let me put my legs on your shoulders.”

“your legs?” zack asks, dumbstruck.

cloud stares at him like he’s stupid. maybe he is. he doesn’t fucking know anymore.

anyway, zack scooches his way closer. he faces cloud nervously, waiting on his knees. cloud lifts his legs slowly, makes sure to flash every fucking fair inch of himself before settling one on each of zack’s shoulders.

at this angle, zack’s cock rubs deliciously against the wettened, pliant skin of cloud’s thighs. zack shudders involuntarily, his head falling back.

“starting to connect the dots?” cloud asks, brash. he spreads his legs slightly, cock bouncing eagerly. “i don’t think you quite deserve to be inside me yet, but i’ll let you screw my thighs.”

“oh my god,” zack creaks.

“hurry the fuck up. you wanna come, don’t you?”

zack grabs his dick by the base, gets into position. cloud squeezes his thighs together and smirks as zack pushes up against them.

they’re soft, so when zack nudges in, his cock slips through easy.

of course, the moment he starts working his cock between them, cloud loosens his grip. the dissimilar friction causes zack to slip out almost immediately. his head spins.

“dumbass,” cloud laughs. “don’t you wanna impress me? show me what this big dick of yours could do if it was inside me? you’ll never get there acting like this.”

zack rolls his eyes. he wraps his hands around cloud’s shins, pulling him closer.

“you’re talking a lot of big shit for someone who begged to get fingered.”

“sorry, who came inside of you last night?”

zack answers this by nudging his cock between cloud’s thighs once more, moans helplessly at the warm, sticky slide of skin on skin. cloud groans a little, powerless to stop the sound from escaping.

but how could he not? zack’s dick is putting on such a show for him, easing in and out of the tight space. zack stares down, too, watches it get swallowed up.

as they get soaked with precome, cloud’s thighs make an obscene sucking noise with each pull. they’re clinging so desperately to zack now that it almost hurts. he mouths cloud’s name, softly, nothing but a whisper on his teeth.

of course, cloud hears it each and every time.

“feel good?” cloud asks, sounding genuinely curious.

zack can’t find it in him to answer.

his balls are starting to tighten again, infuriatingly. it’s a towering high that he wants so badly to chase. at the same time, it’s an endless game, a moment that he wants so very badly to be endless.

“your face looks so cute like that, with your eyes all screwed up. you wanna come?”

“duh,” zack manages. cloud frowns. he tightens his thighs even more: zack fucks his hips up into the tiny gap. his mouth drops open in a soundless song of cloud cloud cloud cloud.

“so go ahead.”

zack’s eyes wander to cloud’s face, which he’s now beginning to realize is directly in his dick’s immediate line of aim.

he stares at cloud’s lips, dewy with drool. his pretty, fair face.

a depraved urge is starting to take shape in zack’s mind. he squeezes his eyes shut in a poor attempt to repress it.

“i’ll…” zack shudders. “i’ll make a mess.”

“oh come on. don’t you wanna come on me?”

zack’s body threatens to burst.

he opens his eyes again, locks onto cloud’s face: all innocent and unmarked. lust thrums through zack in a way it never has before, possessive and mean. cloud watches him back openly, expectant.

he wants cloud. really, really wants him. wants cloud to know it.

“zack, please?”

at the very notion of cloud begging, white-hot pleasure grips zack’s entire body. he comes with the wave of it. feels more than sees it gushing through cloud’s thighs: groaning, zack keeps his cock buried deep in cloud’s warm skin.

relief washes over him at the release. he lists his head, rests it against cloud’s legs.

he swears cloud’s moaning, but it’s hard to tell with how hard his head is spinning. everything’s disoriented, dreamy.

cloud smiles up at him. he drags his fingers through the mess on his thighs. when he lifts his hand, the digits are connected by thick, gooey strands of come. he stretches them apart, seemingly hypnotized.

zack stares, too, an overwhelming hot thread of pleasure pulsing up his spine. he knows what’s coming. still, the moment cloud glances at him, he shifts cloud’s legs out of the way so that he can curl up beside him on the couch.

“here,” cloud coos. he dangles his sticky, dripping fingers over zack’s lips. “open wide.”

obediently, zack opens his mouth.

he has maybe a split second before cloud’s cramming two fingers inside. zack’s out of his mind with lust: he sucks cloud’s fingers clean, hums insatiably when there’s nothing left.

cloud’s eyes shimmer darkly. “you taste good, puppy?”

zack groans around his fingers.

“i wanna make you come,” zack says, muffled by cloud’s fingers.

“do it later. i wanna eat.”

zack stares at him. “you’re joking.”

cloud pulls his fingers from zack’s mouth.

“why would i be joking? we’ve been going at it for… what, an hour now? i’m tired.”

“um, you were the one who bent me over the counter.”

“you’re the one who kissed me.”

“as if you weren’t immediately, like, ‘oh zack i wanna fuck you’?”

“um, you immediately spread your legs, so.”

zack can’t believe his ears. he continues to stare at cloud, exasperated. half of him wants to say something like, how could i not, but really, he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

cloud glares at him. “are you gonna go make me pancakes while i clean your come off my stomach or would you rather lie here and stare at me like an idiot for two hours?”

“i…”

zack sighs and gets up. cloud looks very pleased with himself. he rolls off of the couch with a satisfied giggle and wanders off to the bathroom.

“don’t use up all the hot water,” zack shouts. “i’m going in after we eat.”

“no promises,” cloud shouts back.

zack sighs. he pulls his clothes back on, goes back to the counter.

twenty or so minutes go by and the two of them find themselves curled up on the couch all over again. except this time, cloud’s nestled between zack’s legs, his back pressed against his chest.

his hair’s still damp from his shower, and he’s forking strawberry pancakes into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in nine years.

“this girl whines a lot,” cloud says around a mouthful of food. he stares at the TV, where sailor moon is playing yet again.

“so do you,” zack says, chewing.

“you should hear yourself when someone’s dangling their dick in front of you.”

zack wants to shove at him, really, but cloud’s so warm and soft and bundled up in his sweatshirt — the blue one, go figure — and zack just doesn’t have the heart to do it.

cloud knows this in full entirety. he sighs contentedly. as zack’s arms settle around him, he melts into them.

“do you wanna do anything today?” asks zack.

cloud hums. “i’m pretty comfortable here. why?”

“dunno,” zack mumbles with a shrug. “was thinking i could take you out on a date or something.”

cloud tenses. zack can’t tell if it’s from visceral, soul-baring excitement or primal disgust. he’s gonna go with the first one, because cloud sounds particularly eager when he says, “where?”

before anything else, zack is annoying. he sighs dramatically.

“no, no, sorry, that was a stupid idea. you’re right, we should just stay here.”

“i asked you where, dumbass.”

zack grins at this. “so you wanna go on a date with me?”

“n–no.”

“really? i don’t know, it just… it just sounded like, for a second there, you were excited at the idea of me taking you out somewhere.”

“of course i’m not.” cloud clears his throat. “but i suppose, if it’s something that you wanted to do, i’d be okay with it.”

“is that so,” zack muses.

cloud’s ears are red. he nods once, tensely. as zack reaches up and runs a thumb over the shell of his ear, cloud shudders.

“besides, if you let me take you, it’s just proving that i want to do things for you. which means, you win. probably.”

“absolutely,” cloud replies, way too fast. “where would we go?”

zack smirks, sibylline.

“i know a place.”

“holy fuck look at these.”

zack reaches into a tiny oval-shaped dish and tears out a handful of blue-tinted rocks. he animatedly whirls around to hold them out for cloud’s approval.

the crystal shop is alight with all the sweetness of a saturday afternoon, the winter sun pale and high in the windows. a few people are clustered around the pretty-faced, cheerful girl sitting at the front counter. they’re laughing, talking about the series finale of some show zack doesn’t know the name of.

it’s a little busy, but cloud’s doing fine with the the numbers so far. zack can tell, because he’s been watching cloud closely ever since they arrived — there’s been a few times where he’s given a particular glare to some louder people, and zack has flawlessly distracted him with dumb conversation.

all in all, it hasn’t been too bad.

cloud looks good in zack’s clothes, moreso when he’s wearing them out in public. and he’s got a pretty purple hickey in the dip of his jaw, so blatantly fresh and obvious that zack has to hold back a victorious giggle every time he notices it all over again.

which he does, now, as cloud stares back at him in open, full-body incredulity.

“they’re rocks.”

“but these ones are blue,” zack tells him, exasperated. “you don’t think they’re neat?”

“they’re okay,” says cloud with a frown. he takes one of them from zack’s outstretched hand and turns it over. “what is it?”

“i don’t know.”

“you don’t know?”

zack turns back to the display table. next to the dish full of blue rocks is a tiny sign that reads lapis lazuli. “it’s… well, i don’t really care about all that. it looks cool.”

cloud snorts at this. he doesn’t give the rock back, though. instead, he examines one of the other nearby dishes, full of glimmering opalescent crystal chunks. “these ones are pretty. moonstones.”

“you like ‘em?” zack asks, except he’s not watching the rocks at all anymore. cloud looks sincerely happy, lost in thought as he sifts through the different displays. he’s so peaceful like this, comforted by zack’s closeness.

“yeah,” cloud says, momentarily oblivious. he grabs one of the chunks and offers it to zack. “here. take this one.”

their eyes meet again. it’s evident that cloud senses the softness on zack’s face, because he laughs nervously and shoves the rock into zack’s slackened hands.

but he doesn’t move it again, not immediately. when zack’s fingers curl around cloud’s hand, cloud lets it happen. they take ahold of each other’s hand messily, impacted faintly by the fact that everyone around them could look over and see it.

cloud’s eyes flicker from their newly-interlocked hands to zack’s lips. he sighs shakily and turns back to the rocks.

zack does the same.

“anyway,” zack mutters, embarrassed. both of their hands are unnaturally tense, trying overly hard to make the contact more natural. cloud’s flushed all over, refusing to look him in the eye.

“t–the moonstone promotes femininity,” cloud stammers. “perfect for you.”

“says the one who has a new skirt every time we go out together.”

“shut up,” cloud hisses. “as if you’re even capable of taking your eyes off me.”

zack smiles. “why would i wanna do that?”

“oh please,” cloud laments, crimson. “so anyway, um, does this store only sell rocks? or is there some other secret appeal that i’m not aware of?”

“i mean.” zack takes him by the hand and brings him over to another display case, full of crystallized bangles and earrings. “if you’re not into the physical rocks, they have pretty jewelry.”

“that’s dumb,” cloud says immediately, staring rapt at everything. “these aren’t that cool at all.”

“you don’t think so?”

“well, i’m just not into it.” cloud picks up a pink bangle, his eyes wide as he gazes down at it. “they’re pretty, sure, but also just… big and clunky. i feel like they’d get in the way of everything.”

“i guess,” zack says, not really buying it. he eyes a tiny leaf-shaped dish on the top of the case, overflowing with smooth, multi-colored ceramic rings.

zack swallows. it feels like the universe is kicking him between his shoulder blades, pointing avidly, screaming in his ear.

he reaches over with a careful hand, plucks a pink one from the pile. it’s a sweet little thing, innocent. looks almost exactly like the bangle.

surely, a ring wouldn’t be too big and clunky, right? it wouldn’t get in the way.

feeling like he’s been possessed, zack says, “cloud.”

“what?”

“let me see your hand.”

cloud immediately looks at him, suspicious. his eyes dart to the ring, slightly scrutinizing as he weighs his emotions.

“you’re insane.”

“why?” zack asks, anxious. he twirls the ring between his fingers. “you don’t like it?”

“i mean, it is pretty.”

zack doesn’t even stop to think about it. “it’d look prettier on you.”

cloud watches him closely. it looks like he wants to give some sort of argument, but his edges have gone soft.

an obvious observation: cloud is far away from the reach of the shadows here, mellow and safe in zack’s hand.

another obvious observation: zack’s all in. he knows this like he knows the sun, like he knows the spaces between his bones.

cloud slowly slips his hand out of zack’s grip. he starts to hold it out, pauses in the empty bridge between them. the moment he hesitates and starts to twitch his hand back, zack takes ahold of it, rubs his thumb over the back of cloud’s knuckles.

zack whispers, “i’m yours, right?”

cloud’s heart overflows in a way that fully encompasses his eyes. because of this, he hides his gaze. it stays locked onto zack’s fingers, the glossy pink ceramic ring. he swallows, nods.

zack slips it on slow, making sure to give cloud the chance to rip his hand back if he wants to.

but he doesn’t. he lets zack push the ring past his first knuckle, the second, until it rests snugly at home on the ridge of his ring finger.

zack holds his breath, waiting for some sort of snide remark, an angry shove, anything.

cloud stares at the ring for a long time. he flexes his finger, watches the rosy band bounce around in the light.

finally, he lifts his head to stare at zack instead. there’s some emotion very clearly visible in his expression, but zack has no idea where to begin searching for the meaning of it.

“okay?” zack asks, breathless.

cloud swallows thickly. he nods, speechless.

zack stares down at him, at his lips. he wants to close the distance so much, but cloud’s clearly half-trapped between himself and his heart. he looks happy enough, but it looks like he wants to cry, too.

so zack turns, fishes through the little dish until he finds a second pink ring. he slips it onto his own finger. it’s a little small — he’ll probably never be able to take it off now — but zack has never cared less about anything before in his life.

“there,” zack says, reticent. “now we match.”

cloud scoffs. “what the hell, are you proposing to me or something?”

“what if i was?”

“we’re not even dating.”

zack’s quiet for a beat.

“do you wanna be?”

next, cloud falls fatally silent. his cheeks burn.

finally, after a long time, he says, “it doesn’t matter. i wouldn’t marry you, not in a million years. you’d probably do something dumb, like, commit fraud on our joint taxes and get us both thrown in federal prison or something.”

zack snorts. “so you wouldn’t wanna date me, either? ever?”

cloud flicks his gaze off to the side. “jury’s still out on that one.”

“what?”

before zack can fully panic — grip cloud’s shoulders and shake him around like a snowglobe, beg him to repeat that to make sure he’s not just having a stroke — cloud’s phone starts chiming.

he wants to tell cloud not to answer it, but the precious moment has already floated past like a freight train.

cloud quickly flips his phone open. “hi, tifa.”

of course.

zack glares at the phone, hopes tifa can feel the intensity of it, wherever she is.

cloud admires his new ring while he listens to her, mumbles a half-formulated response here and there. while he’s preoccupied, zack leans over the counter and flags down the cashier, who beams and helps ring him out.

“i’m not sure. i’d have to ask,” cloud says.

zack turns to look at him. “ask me what?”

cloud makes a face. “who said i was talking about you?”

“um, who else would you be talking about?”

“you– no, sorry, tifa, i’m listening. zack’s being annoying.”

zack stares, incredulous. at the same time, the cashier hands him the receipt. the lapis and moonstone cost five dollars. the rings cost fifty dollars altogether. which is fine. everything’s fine and zack is definitely not broke as fuck. all good.

“hey,” cloud mumbles. he tugs on zack’s sleeve. “tifa wants to know if we’re down to go to a party.”

“tonight?”

“yeah.” cloud opens his mouth to say more, pauses. “tifa, can i call you back real quick?”

once he’s hung up, zack shrugs. “what are you thinking?”

“i don’t know.” cloud frowns. “i guess i could take us there on my bike.”

“that’s fine with me,” zack says. “but what do you wanna do?”

“it’d be cool to see tifa and aerith, i guess, but i kinda just wanted to spend more time with you before i have to go home.”

“who said you have to go home?”

cloud’s head snaps. “what do you mean?”

“what do you think i mean? you can stay at my place as long as you want.”

cloud stares at him.

zack stares back, feeling a little dumb suddenly.

“really?” cloud whispers.

“yes, really,” zack giggles. “is that bad?”

“no, it’s just…” cloud scratches the back of his neck. “i don’t wanna annoy you.”

“that’s a first.”

cloud grits his teeth. he clenches his fist like he wants to take a swing at him, and then thinks better of it. instead, he absentmindedly toys with his ring. “o–only if you’re sure.”

“well, you didn’t have any nightmares last night, yeah?”

he shakes his head. “no.”

zack smiles. “so there you go. why don’t we go to the party, hang out with our friends for a while, and then you can come home with me? we can get pizza for dinner.”

cloud’s eyes brighten at this. “can we cuddle?”

“is rain wet?”

“okay,” cloud says, happy. he starts punching tifa’s number into his phone. “you’re right. this’ll be fun. we’ll stop by my house first so i can grab an outfit.”

“sounds good.”

as cloud lifts the phone to his ear again, he reaches out and tangles their hands together. their rings slot against each other in a quiet vow.

zack stares at them, captivated.

there’s just something about riding pillion behind cloud.

zack’s breathless. this time, he has no fear of the wind as it pierces through them. he’s not fazed when he looks down at the pavement, roaring underneath. the city swims by them in a sea of color. zack stares at the city lights, ripples of neon blue that starburst in his vision.

his heart’s too full to be afraid of anything anymore.

cloud’s waist is tiny and sturdy under zack’s grip, his bare thighs caged in between zack’s legs. he still has yet to take off zack’s blue sweatshirt, but he’s changed out of sweatpants in favor of a baby pink miniskirt.

the wind does nothing to keep his skirt from riding up his legs, but they’re ripping so fast down the highway that zack doesn’t care who sees.

“we’re almost there,” cloud shouts back to him.

zack nods, forgets that cloud can’t see it. he rests his chin on cloud’s shoulder instead.

“whose party is this, again?”

“someone who used to be in lab,” cloud says. “i’m forgetting his name.”

up ahead, there’s a light that’s turning orange. cloud hits the brakes.

as soon as they’ve slowed down enough, cloud reaches down and intertwines his hand with zack’s again.

it’s this little thing they keep doing, touching fingers so that their rings will brush together. it’s stupid. but zack gets butterflies everytime cloud initiates it, anyhow.

“kunsel,” cloud recalls, suddenly.

“oh! i know kunsel.”

“you know him well?”

“kind of. we’ve had a few classes together before.”

cloud trails the tips of his fingers over zack’s wind-bitten knuckles. as the light turns red, they sit and wait.

“how far away is it?” asks zack.

“ten minutes, give or take,” cloud says. glances off to their left, sighs. “fuck.”

“what?”

zack glances over. right beside them at the light is a guy in a red pick-up truck, his fingers tapping the wheel as he stares cloud down. no, not cloud: his legs. the exposed rise of pale skin on his upper thighs. the tiny pink skirt. zack and cloud’s fingers, toying with each other.

zack runs his tongue along his bottom teeth.

“i don’t like the way he’s looking at you.”

“i don’t, either.”

zack blinks, surprised. “really? i figured that–”

before he can finish, the guy’s revving his engine. it’s an awful sound: the back of his truck chokes with exhaust. cloud watches him calmly, eyes dark. very suddenly, zack wonders how many times cloud’s had to deal with shit like this before.

zack hums, agitated. he shifts his legs, does his best to cover cloud’s exposed thighs between them. cloud’s gone frightfully tense in front of him.

“cloud,” zack says, as if to remind him that he’s still there. “please don’t do anything stupid.”

“stupid?” cloud echoes, still staring. he jerks the clutch and the bike roars intimidatingly underneath them. “i’m not gonna do anything stupid.”

“don’t,” zack says through gritted teeth, “and i am so serious when i say this, cloudy, do not. encourage him.”

while the light’s still red, cloud turns around and gives zack a quick kiss. it’s messy, sloppily done: they knock teeth, but zack still twitches under the fleeting touch anyway.

then, the light’s turning green. cloud unhooks his hand from zack’s grip and seizes the handlebars.

“sorry, baby.”

“what.”

but cloud’s already dropping the clutch and surging forward. zack screams, wrapping his arms in an iron vise around cloud’s waist. the pick-up keeps a steady pace with them for a little while, but it’s quickly obvious that it doesn’t stand a chance against cloud.

not after very long, the truck has disappeared behind them, as if it’s been swallowed up.

cloud’s gone quiet, laser-focused on the road. still, his body is infuriatingly relaxed. his fingers play lazily with the clutch as he rips through the street.

someone honks their horn. zack turns to look over his shoulder. the truck’s slowly re-emerging, high beam headlights vicious at their backs.

“he’s catching up,” zack shouts, wants to fucking kick himself for encouraging this.

cloud laughs. it’s terrifying. hot, all the same. zack’s horribly confused. his heart hammers in his chest. all he can think to do is grip onto cloud as he weaves through traffic, his fingers tight and digging into cloud’s abs.

still, zack can feel himself starting to grin as the truck disappears once more. he likes the way cloud’s legs look, sandwiched between his own. the wind’s exhilarating as it streams by them in one steady, piercing flow.

cloud rips his way around a corner, both of them leaning into the turn. this time, they rip onto a stretch of road and lose the truck entirely.

they’re both laughing now, shaking with it. cloud starts braking, leans back to bump his shoulder against zack’s chest as they take another turn.

it opens up into a residential area. cloud slows down significantly, lost in a whirlwind of giggles. zack’s shaken to the core, but for some reason, he can’t stop laughing either. adrenaline, most likely.

they ease up onto a grey house. cars are littering its every expanse, and people are clustered around in the front yard. a few of them briefly turn their heads as cloud pulls in, sets down his kickstand.

zack steps off first. his legs are shaking uncontrollably, but being on solid ground helps.

“you okay?” cloud asks.

“yup,” zack says, teeth chattering. “let’s never do that again, though. just because.”

cloud smirks. he slides off of the bike and smooths down his skirt. “sure.”

they don’t hold hands immediately. but as they ease into the thrum of people, cloud drifts closer to him, like he’s being magnetized. zack sneaks his fingers around cloud’s like a lifeline, smiles as cloud reciprocates without an issue.

they stumble through the front door, hands locked. tifa finds them first, dressed in a white eyelet sweater and black leggings.

“you’re here!” she calls as she rushes over, pulls them both into a hug. if she notices their hands, she doesn’t say anything about it. “how was the drive?”

“great,” zack blanches. cloud smirks at him.

tifa stares between the two of them with a rising air of speculation. “you guys seem… more chipper than usual.”

“zack bought me a ring,” cloud tells her, because why wouldn’t he immediately throw zack into tifa’s crosshairs. he lets go of zack’s hand to hold it up to her.

she stares at it, slowly turns to look at zack. her hands are fists at her sides.

“a ring?” tifa asks.

“y–yeah,” zack says, swallows. “well, it’s funny, because—”

“zack!” screams another voice. this one is more familiar. angelic. a light in the dark. zack automatically excuses himself to sprint towards the source of it. he quickly finds aerith curled up on a couch beside jessie, the two of them giggling over her phone.

aerith’s wearing a black t-shirt that simply says, smells like slut in here. zack feels like he’s gotten whiplash almost seven times in the past ten minutes.

“that’s my shirt,” jessie informs him proudly.

“cool,” zack says.

aerith smiles. “how’s cloud?”

“he’s… fine.” zack reaches for the red solo cup in aerith’s grasp, and she hands it over without question. he chugs it down: vodka. fantastic. “how long have you guys been here?”

“about an hour.” aerith watches him happily, her eyes half-lidded. clearly, she’s stoned out of her fucking mind. zack thinks he can gather who got her in this condition, granted that jessie’s gripping a half-smoked joint between her fingers.

“how is it so far?”

“not bad. you missed biggs getting pressured into a push-up competition with some random guy.”

“what?” zack despairs. “who won?”

“the random guy.”

“shit. where’s biggs now?”

“with the random guy,” both girls answer at the same time.

“oh,” zack says, and then, as the realization hits him, “oh.”

aerith shrugs. “he was feeling particularly slutty tonight. it was only a matter of ti– is that a ring?”

zack glances down at his finger as if he’s never noticed the tiny smooth band before in his life. he slowly tries to hide it behind his back, but both jessie and aerith dive for him. they grab his hand and tug him towards them.

“it is a ring,” jessie gasps.

“yeah,” zack croaks. he can see cloud and tifa making their way over now, so he viciously tries to rip his hand away. aerith digs her fingers into it like she’s about to sprout talons. “just a ring, guys. not a big deal. let go.”

“where did you get it?” aerith asks. “it’s so pretty. i– holy shit, why is it so tight on your finger? are you just never going to take it off ever again?”

“it must be a really important ring,” surmises jessie as she takes a long, long drag of her joint. she holds it out to aerith next, who leans over and wraps her lips around it.

“they didn’t have my size,” zack hisses, mortified.

“where’d you get it? it looks like rose quartz.”

aerith coos. “rose quartz is the stone of eternal love, isn’t it?”

“it has crazy healing abilities,” jessie says, eyes red as she nods. “you know, some people think of it as an aphrodisiac. who are you trying to bone, zack? don’t tell me, i wanna try and guess.”

“hi,” tifa cuts in pointedly.

she approaches them with her arms crossed over her chest. cloud’s at her hip. and immediately, as soon as cloud’s hands are both exposed, aerith and jessie zero in on his matching ring.

speechless, they stare between the both of them. zack and cloud do their best to avert eye contact.

“you two blow my mind,” jessie says.

“are we surprised? really?” tifa rolls her eyes. “they were holding hands under the table at the diner.”

zack gasps. “we were not.”

jessie reaches over, smug, and takes cloud’s hand. she examines his ring. “it matches your skirt.”

cloud goes red. he yanks his arm out of her reach.

“you really think we didn’t notice?” tifa asks, smirking. “you were only eating with one hand, the both of you.”

“that’s insane,” zack scoffs, cheeks red. “we were just… practicing.”

“practicing?”

“for the… one-hand eating compe…tition… i don’t fucking know, tifa.”

tifa smiles at him. she turns on jessie then, suddenly. “anyway, as i was saying before these two showed up—”

“don’t be mad at me just because your girlfriend still has one of my t-shirts,” jessie interrupts, leaning back lazily against the couch.

aerith closes her eyes. “you guys…”

“i already told you i wasn’t mad about that.”

“really? i should’ve taken a picture of the look you gave me when aerith told you.”

aerith sighs. “do you guys really have to keep this up?”

“yes,” both jessie and tifa say to her, sweetly. they almost immediately viciously turn on each other again.

“aerith can wear whatever she wants,” tifa says.

“i know. you just seem a little pissed off, that’s all.”

“yeah, well, i’m not.”

cloud and zack exchange a look. aerith stares at them helplessly.

“so get over it, then.”

tifa tilts her head, eyes shimmering darkly. “careful.”

“why? what are you gonna do?”

“jessie, are you drunk?”

“are you?”

“no, i’m not. because unlike you, i don’t need to be under the influence of something at every single public function.”

aerith raises her hand. “um, i’m high, too—”

“it’s fine when you do it,” tifa insists. “you’ve never done anything wrong.”

zack furrows his eyebrows. “um, yes, she has.”

all three girls glare at him. “shut up, zack.”

“okay,” zack croaks. he grabs cloud’s arm. “that’s a great idea, actually. i totally agree. cloud and i are gonna, um, go get something to drink. we’ll be right back.”

“just go,” aerith hisses, her cheeks warm.

“gotcha.” zack salutes, cringes at himself, and then takes cloud and gets the fuck out of there as quickly as possible. cloud follows him easily, eyes wide.

“what the fuck was that,” cloud whispers.

“i don’t know,” zack whispers back. “seems like a complicated relationship.”

“yeah.”

“i’m glad our relationship is normal.”

“me too.”

they maneuver over to the kitchen. zack swipes two stray solos from a torn-open package on the counter.

“what do you wanna drink?”

“water,” cloud says, smirking. “someone’s gotta drive us home later.”

“shit, you’re right.” zack frowns. “i won’t drink either, then.”

“what? why?”

“what if i let go of you while you’re driving and, like, crack my head open on the pavement?” zack asks, eyes wide. “oh god, even worse, what if i do something embarrassing when we get back to my apartment? i’d—”

he trails off. cloud’s staring somewhere behind him, his eyes spacey and haunted. zack turns and looks over his shoulder.

nothing. there’s nothing there. zack’s heart skips a beat.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” cloud whispers, sounding adrift. he reaches out and takes zack’s hand.

it’s just like that time at the pet store. cloud had this look on his face back then, too, moments before he blacked out. but it’s different this time. safer. cloud’s still conscious, aware. he’s seeking out zack’s presence as opposed to pushing him away.

zack wraps both hands around cloud’s, squeezes gently. his heart shudders a little.

“i’m here,” zack tells him, firmly. “nothing can get you if i’m here.”

cloud stares into his face, vulnerable. after a second, he nods.

“i won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”

cloud smiles. “i know.”

“i’ll protect you no matter what.”

“okay,” cloud snorts, nudging at him. “i get it. you’re being a little too gay now.”

“you’re blushing,” zack says with a grin.

“shut up,” says cloud, but he’s smiling. he presses his forehead against zack’s chest, breathes him in. “we should probably get back over to the girls before they kill each other.”

“aerith probably has it under control,” zack tells him, then hesitates. “yeah, maybe we should go back.”

cloud grins. he takes zack’s hand, watches their rings slide together. it looks like he wants to say something, but he shakes his head instead, guides zack back out into the party.

the air’s thick with music, neon glows and the reticulation of people. cloud holds zack like he’s the only person who matters. zack stares at him, mesmerized. it’s clear that, in this crowd full of strangers, the only ones they see are each other.

zack squeezes cloud’s hand, just to be sure. cloud squeezes it back, turns over his shoulder to smile at him.

“cloud,” zack says. “i–”

“fuck,” cloud whispers suddenly.

it’s the same thing again. cloud’s eyes go all screwy, foggy. zack turns around, too. he’s expecting to see nothing there, but—

confusion floods through him.

it’s the man from reno’s party. and the bowling alley. he’s watching the two of them like an apparition, a flickering presence that suddenly encompasses all the light in the room. zack’s grip tightens around cloud’s hand. cloud’s gone ramrod stiff, his blue eyes cold as steel.

before cloud, zack has never been the type to get jealous.

when he was a kid, if they started to bicker over it, he would just give his toys away to his friends because it made him feel lighter to lose things like that, things that didn’t really matter. when aerith and zack had broken up, zack was relieved in a sense because he knew she’d be happier with someone else.

but suddenly, every part of his body is suddenly way too hot. he feels itchy, irritated, overwhelmed with burning resentment. it feels like sharp, shadowy holes have begun to open up in the spaces within his bones, gaping and growing and neverending.

he knows that cloud doesn’t quite belong with anyone other than him, knows it like the shadows know the earth.

the silver-haired guy across the room is still smirking, eyes locked in viciously on zack and cloud’s interlocked hands. zack feels overprotective, hot, and he needs to prove a point.

so before zack realizes what he’s doing, he’s grabbing cloud by the shoulders and pressing their mouths together.

for the first time, cloud doesn’t kiss him back.

zack pulls away.

cloud’s got a weird look on his face now, like confusion and something deeper, something zack can’t really decipher. the tips of his cheeks are peachy, pale in the light. he stares back at zack, all the light knocked from his eyes.

“cloud,” zack says.

he’s confused. cloud likes playing this game, doesn’t he? he likes it when zack’s jealous.

the dudes at the bowling alley — it’s like that. cloud likes running laps around stupid guys, dancing vicious circles around them and then falling straight into zack’s lap.

it’s a game. it’s just a game.

because at the end of everything, it’s zack who’s holding cloud right now, the one who kisses him, the one who holds his hand and keeps the nightmares away. zack’s the protector, the hero.

“cloud,” zack says again, panicked.

cloud blinks, hard, snaps right out of it. before zack can say another word, he pulls his fist back and cracks him under the chin.

“what the fuck,” cloud shouts, voice trembling. “why the fuck would you do that?”

zack can taste blood. he’s pissed, suddenly, swabbing his tongue around and tasting nothing but iron.

“kiss you?” zack shouts back, bewildered. “i thought you liked it when i– whatever, cloud, that fucking guy is obsessed with you. i’ve seen him before, almost everywhere we go, and—”

cloud falls frightfully still. his eyes go wide.

“you’ve seen him before?”

“yes,” zack snaps. “i’ve seen him everywhere.”

“and you never thought to fucking tell me?”

“why would i tell you? it would just scare the shit out of you, and—”

cloud tips his head to the ceiling, screams a line of obscenities. he shakes his head, feverish.

then, he rears back and slaps zack again, hard. a second time. a third time. by the fourth time, he’s full-on sobbing.

zack reaches up and grabs his wrists.

“cloud,” he says, shaky. every nerve in his body is burning with adrenaline.

“you fucker,” cloud spits through sobs. he writhes in zack’s grip. “let go of me, you fucking—”

“stop, sunshine, talk to me. calm down—”

“no!” cloud ducks his head, and zack should see it coming, but he doesn’t. cloud lurches forward, driving his skull up into zack’s jaw. pain blossoms throughout his entire face.

zack releases him with a yell, shoves him away. cloud shoves him back, jaw clenched.

“you’re a fucking idiot,” cloud yells. zack can barely hear him through the blood humming through his ears. of course, when he doesn’t immediately respond, cloud grabs him by the collar of his shirt and rattles him around. “do you have any idea what you’ve just done?”

“i just fucking told you i didn’t!”

“you didn’t say shit!” cloud pants. “zack, that’s– you just fucking antagonized– you—”

“can you fucking tell me?” zack screams, grabbing cloud by his shoulders and shaking him back. “are you capable of telling me what’s going on instead of just hitting me over and over and fucking over again, expecting me to just magically understand why you’re acting fucking insane?”

“sephiroth,” cloud sobs, shoving zack once more, for good measure.

zack stares at him blankly. he has no fucking idea who that is. that name means nothing to him.

“what are you talking about?”

cloud stares back at him, completely out of breath. instead of giving any sort of answer, he turns without another word and shoves through the peeking crowd. zack braces his hands against his knees, struggles to catch his breath.

he looks over his shoulder again, ferality gripping him. sephiroth is nowhere to be seen.

“zack!” aerith shouts, pushing her way through. she runs to him, grabs his face, lifts it to the light. “i heard you guys yelling— what just happened? where’s cloud going?”

“aerith,” zack seethes, tasting nothing but blood and rage and his splintered, bruised jaw. “i don’t– i don’t know what’s going on.”

aerith nods. “it’s gonna be okay. let’s find you a place to lie down for a bit, and then we can go talk to cloud—”

“i don’t want to talk to cloud,” zack growls.

“that’s fine.” aerith takes his hand, except– except it’s the one with the ring, cloud’s ring—

he yanks his hand back as if he’s been scorched.

aerith stares at him, hurt. zack reels with guilt, the wave of grief that crashes over him.

he can’t lose her, too.

“i’m– i’m sorry,” zack croaks. “i just—”

aerith smiles sadly. she shakes her head. “you don’t have to explain. it’s alright.”

zack swallows thickly.

“did tifa ever mention anything to you about a sephiroth?”

aerith’s face goes very pale. she presses her hands to her chest, breathless with worry. “why?”

zack sighs, exasperated. “can you tell me who he is?”

“he– he’s cloud’s stalker. the guy who cloud transferred here to get away from.”

no.

the world tilts. zack shakes his head, physically sick.

suddenly, everything makes perfect sense. it’s horrible, like someone’s taken ahold of zack and shoved him into a puzzle of macabre.

“zack,” aerith whispers, reaching out slowly to grab his shoulder. “why?”

“he’s here,” zack tells her. “he’s been here this whole time.”

“here?” aerith echoes, nauseated. “at the party?”

“yeah. he–” zack hesitates. he presses a hand against his forehead. “he’s been here this entire time.”

“i… i don’t understand.”

“everywhere we go,” zack groans. “sephiroth was following us around, everywhere we went. cloud—”

cloud hasn’t been hallucinating. this entire time, he’s been seeing the real fucking thing and everyone’s been telling him that it’s a nightmare. an illusion.

hatred rises in his chest like black tar, almost suffocating.

and now cloud’s alone here, somewhere, and sephiroth—

zack sways. he’s gonna fucking kill him.

“stay here,” zack tells aerith, dizzy.

“what?”

“don’t follow me.”

“but—”

“don’t.”

aerith looks unconvinced but, slowly, she nods. zack nods back, satisfied.

he turns and hurtles through the gathering crowd, his ribs alight with loathing. zack immediately goes in the direction that cloud had disappeared minutes ago, because if there’s one place this fucker’s gonna go, it’s down the same path.

not this time. zack’s gonna find him. he’s gonna rip him apart.

zack bursts through the front door. hears someone calling his name — tifa, he thinks. he doesn’t fucking care. he stumbles out onto the grass, his entire soul gone raw.

there’s a solid chance he looks absolutely insane, storming all over the lawn yelling sephiroth’s name, but he really doesn’t give a shit anymore.

he wants to punch something, bad. the fight with cloud is circulating back to him now in vicious, tight circles. zack wants to put his fist through something, wants to make it bleed.

across the lawn, distant from the reach of people, there’s a flash of silver. zack immediately makes his way over to it, numb.

“sephiroth!”

zack’s brain is reeling. what if cloud’s out here, too? all alone, trapped, this far away from everyone else?

by the time he makes his way over, there’s no sight of sephiroth anywhere. zack swipes the back of his hand over his mouth, spits some stray blood into the grass.

where.

the fuck.

is.

he?

“be careful saying my name like that,” comes a voice from behind him. “i can find you easier that way.”

zack glances over his shoulder.

it doesn’t take much. zack sees the long silver hair, the smug green eyes. he lunges for him.

blind rage leaves him feeling sloppy, clueless. he swings for anything in his reach. sephiroth’s smiling, evading with ease.

it’s obvious that zack’s at a disadvantage here. he’s never been so angry in all his life. all he can think about is cloud.

sephiroth is relaxed, tactile. he reaches out and snags zack’s arm in an easy, tight grip.

zack raises his other fist to knock him across his jaw.

this is his first mistake, leaving his body exposed. his second mistake is forgetting that if anything, sephiroth’s a watcher. he’s been studying zack for months. he knows exactly where zack wants to swing, knows what points he’ll leave wide open as a result.

“you fucker,” zack gasps. “i’m—”

zack hears the sigh of metal before he feels it. but then he feels it, sharp and invasive and lethal inside his flesh.

slowly, he looks down.

the knife’s small, long and curved. it fits snug between zack’s left ribs.

zack chokes something out. he’s distantly aware of sephiroth watching, waiting. the moment zack lays his eyes on the knife, solidifying the reality of it, sephiroth twists it free.

“you probably could have been very good for him,” sephiroth says, somewhat sympathetic. “unfortunately, that would mean cloud wins.”

zack presses his hand against the deep, little wound, gasps as it comes away slick with red. he stumbles.

“i can’t have that,” sephiroth tells him.

“you just…”

zack panics, gasping, overwhelmed by the sight of blood.

he’s scared. he’s so fucking scared suddenly, and nothing else matters.

“typically, a person can bleed to death in five minutes,” says sephiroth. “the knife i just used is a lot smaller, so it’ll take longer for you, if you’re able to keep yourself calm.”

“you’re insane,” zack manages. he’s pretty sure he’s in shock.

sephiroth smirks at this. “i don’t want to kill you, zack. just scare you straight.” he pauses. “although the blade is curved, so it’s possibly done quite a bit of damage. i didn’t consider that.”

zack stumbles, eases himself down into the grass. he should probably shout for help, grab someone, anyone. but his mouth won’t move. he’s so terrified, he thinks he’s forgotten how to scream.

“cloud—”

sephiroth tilts his head. “you did your best. you really did. but no one can have him.”

zack keeps a hand pressed to the wound, stupidly under the impression that it’ll help stop the bleeding. for some reason, all he can see is cloud.

“keep that in mind, and i assure you, you’ll never see me again.”

zack gasps, in and out. he’s clinging to fleeting thoughts of cloud: his scent, the sound of his breathing, the warmth of him. cloud is everything, all at once, and it hurts.

he’s home.

zack’s an idiot. really, truly, he is. he should’ve seen this coming — should’ve known. should’ve sensed how dangerous it was for cloud here. maybe if he’d taken cloud somewhere far away, hidden him from sephiroth’s reach—

“zack,” comes a voice, trailing to him from the ether.

zack blinks. he’s pretty sure he’s starting to black out. still, he looks up—

“cloud,” he whispers.

sephiroth’s nowhere to be seen anymore. this should be his first signal that something’s horribly off, that too much time has passed, but cloud’s here and alive and glaring at him and zack’s so fucking relieved he could sob.

instinctively, zack bunches up his sweatshirt, blocking the wound from view.

cloud can’t see it, after all. it’ll scare him. zack doesn’t want that.

“i’m sorry,” zack whispers, cold all over.

cloud stares at him emptily. there’s no trace of his cloud anywhere. his arms are crossed over his chest, and zack can’t even tell if he’s wearing the ring anymore.

but he must be. he must, because cloud’s shaking, eyes twisted, hiding both hands from view.

“you ruined everything,” cloud whispers, his voice in tatters. “you—”

zack shakes his head. “cloud, i swear, i didn’t know.”

“i don’t believe you.”

zack kind of wishes he was still yelling. that way, it’d be obvious that there was still some emotion between them. cloud’s nothing but distant now, heart frozen over. it’s scarier than anything.

“please,” zack begs. cloud looks at the ground. “i had no idea who he was.”

“then why did you kiss me in front of him?”

zack shudders. everything’s starting to prickle black around the edges. but the grief coursing through him is still strong, strikes true. when he doesn’t immediately answer, cloud continues:

“you wanted to show him i belonged to you. not him.”

“no, cloud, i—”

“it’s fucking true, zack,” cloud spits. “don’t deny it. you so desperately want me to belong to you, but i’m not—”

“you are,” zack spits back, a spark of anger in his core. “cloud, you fucking idiot, you are mine.”

cloud shakes his head. he laughs. “you think so? you think i’m yours?”

“you are.”

“i’m not yours,” cloud seethes. he takes a step closer, crouches down to zack’s level. “and you can’t be mine, either, not when i don’t want you to be.”

“you’re such a fucking liar.”

“i am?” he challenges, leaning in. “why do you think i never let you fuck me, huh? because i knew if i was the one fucking you, taking your power away from you— it’d be you who fell for me. not the other way around.”

“no,” zack mutters. “that’s not true.”

“it is true.”

“no.”

zack swallows. his vision goes blurry. he’s in shock, yeah, but he’s not stupid: knows his eyes must be shimmering with tears, fucking hates himself for it.

cloud watches zack’s face for a while yet, his eyes shining. they glisten dark against the moon, and that’s how zack knows it’s over.

“you must really adore me.”

“cloud,” zack manages. “please don’t do this.”

cloud smiles.

it hurts. feels like cloud has just reached into his chest, pulled his heart free between two pinched fingers, and is now holding it up to the stars to make sure the light no longer filters through.

“sorry. you love me. more than anything, right? you’ve said it three times now.”

zack frowns. “i…”

“you don’t remember, though, do you? you only ever say it when i’m giving you what you want.”

zack stares at him, powerless to argue. “cloud—”

“how the fuck could you mean it if you forget saying it, zack?”

cloud’s wrong. he has no fucking idea how many times zack’s wanted to say it. but deep down, zack knows it’s too late now. he opens his mouth to argue, but more voices are coming now, fast.

“that’s why i never said it,” cloud tells him, final. “i wouldn’t say something that i don’t mean.”

he swallows down a wave of loss. he can never be alone with cloud, not ever. cloud straightens, steps away from him.

“cloud,” tifa calls, keeps a fair distance. she takes a long look at zack, eyes clouded with something absolutely indecipherable. zack swallows back a multitude of mixed things.

aerith’s not too far behind her. she stops before she can get too close, like the very earth around zack and cloud is tainted with something malignant. but her eyes aren’t on cloud, not on tifa: she watches zack, closely, plaintive.

cloud pulls his eyes away from zack, looks at tifa. “i’m going home.”

tifa nods, smiles roughly. “drive safe, okay? we’ll talk in the morning.”

cloud doesn’t say anything to this. and only when he’s out of earshot does tifa’s smile drop off her face.

“what did i tell you, zack?”

zack sucks in, ragged. it’s starting to get hard to think.

“i told you he wasn’t ready, didn’t i?”

“you never told me why,” zack whispers. “you know, something like this would’ve been nice to know—”

“we had no idea he was around!” tifa says, exasperated. “you’re seriously telling me that you had no idea? you saw this fucking guy at every single place we went to, and you didn’t think to let one of us know?”

“tifa,” aerith cuts in, startlingly adamantine. “he didn’t know.”

“you’re seriously taking his side over mine?”

aerith shakes her head. “i’m not on anyone’s side, okay? i’m just—”

“how the hell could he not have known?”

aerith sets her jaw. “because zack would never do something like this, teef, not if he knew what was going on. this is just… a really bad situation. it’s been a really long night for everyone. we can talk about it later, when—”

tifa shakes her head. she looks at aerith, exhausted. “i want to go home. are you coming with me, or are you staying here with him?”

aerith pauses. she looks at zack, softly. zack stares back at her, urging.

she’s going with tifa. has to be. she’d be a fucking idiot to stay.

zack doesn’t want her to stay, not after all this.

but if aerith’s anything at all, she’s intransigent. so with a deep breath, she makes her way to zack’s side, takes a seat on the ground beside him. zack stares back at her, horrified.

“i’m gonna stay here,” aerith tells her. “just for a little while.”

tifa looks like she wants to argue, but she doesn’t. her love for aerith is too insurmountable. “that’s fine. how are you gonna get home?”

“i’ll find a ride with someone,” aerith says. “it’ll be fine. zack’s here.”

tifa nods, conflicted. “call me when you’re safely home, okay?”

“i will.”

“promise.”

“of course. i love you.”

“i love you, too,” tifa whispers. she gives zack one final, long look before walking off.

a while after they’re both gone, zack keeps his hand pressed tightly against his ribs. it’s hot with blood now, pulsing and sticky. he feels light, like nothing is real. when aerith turns to look at him, she’s horribly blurry, like someone’s slid a filter over zack’s eyes.

“why did you stay?”

aerith smiles. she shrugs, easy. “i dunno. i guess i just don’t know how to leave you behind.”

“you should’ve.”

“you need someone, too,” aerith tells him.

zack wonders how long it’s been.

what did sephiroth say, about bleeding out? five minutes? it’s definitely been much longer than five minutes.

“i think i need medical attention,” zack says, finally.

aerith laughs. she reaches over and tousles his hair. “don’t be a baby. cloud wasn’t punching you that hard.”

“no,” zack murmurs, pulling his hand free and looking at it again. this time it’s coated in thick red, soaking his wrist.

aerith pales.

“oh my god,” she shrieks. she grabs his arm, stares at the blood. her eyes fill with tears. “wh– zack– oh my god. oh my god. what the hell happened?”

“sephiroth,” zack manages. “i… i think i need to go to a hospital.”

aerith jumps to her feet. she paces for a second, overwhelmed. her face is ghost white. “i– oh my god. we gotta call an ambul– what if they don’t get here on time. oh my fuck. oh my god. oh—”

zack’s eyes flutter. dumbly, he thinks of cloud again.

“i’m tired,” he tells her.

aerith screams for someone, he’s sure of it, but then everything sinks into total, blissful darkness.

“—was he there?”

“i don’t know,” comes aerith’s voice, somewhere beside zack, frantic. “can’t you go any faster?”

“we’re almost there.”

“how long.”

“ten seconds.”

zack opens his eyes. he moans, looks down. aerith’s pressing a spare shirt against his ribs, desperate to help stop the bleeding. they’re… in a car. he thinks. there’s two blurry figures in the front.

“tseng’s calling me,” one of them says.

reno.

“this is not the time for a romantic rendezvous,” aerith shrieks.

“you seriously think i’m in the mood to suck dick right now with a half-dead guy in the back of my car?”

another voice chimes in. zack deliriously pins it as rude’s. “i mean, you are infuriatingly horny. constantly.”

“sure, but not now.”

“i should’ve called the ambulance,” aerith sobs. she shouts, “step on the fucking gas before i climb over there and do it for you.”

“would you quit fuckin’ screaming?” reno asks, turning around to look at them. “shit, he’s awake.”

“he’s—” aerith looks up at zack, awash with relief. lost in hysteria, she leans over and kisses his cheeks, his forehead. “thank god. oh, thank god.”

zack stares back at her, vacant of any emotion whatsoever. “aerith, i…”

“you’re gonna be okay,” aerith cuts in. “we’re pulling in to a hospital right now, okay? they’re gonna help you.”

zack shakes his head.

all cloud wanted was for zack to protect him. and in return, zack put him in harm’s way. cloud’s never been in more danger, and it’s all his fault.

he moans, loud.

“just pull up to the front,” aerith shouts. she leans over the car console to point out the windshield. “don’t you hear him? he’s howling in pain.”

“he’s gonna be fine,” rude says.

“he’s bleeding to death!”

reno sighs. “aerith, the bleeding’s only lessened since we wrapped it. he’s going to be fine.”

aerith grabs reno by the front of his shirt, rattles him around like a fish in a pet store bag. “listen, you stupid little twink. if zack fucking dies because you idiots couldn’t park the car in time, i will kill the both of you. i will maim you. nobody will find your bodies.”

“chill,” reno tells her, calmly. by the sound of his voice, he’s clearly stoned out of his mind.

“i couldn’t protect him,” zack sobs, delirious.

rude’s knuckles are white on the steering wheel.

the car comes to a vicious halt, half-parked on the sidewalk. rude kills the engine, and both he and reno pile out of the car. aerith’s already at zack’s other side, lifting him up.

“cloud,” zack despairs.

“i know, baby, i know. it hurts.”

the door opens, and rude takes his other side. zack’s brain swirls with nausea.

“where’s reno?” rude asks as he pulls zack out of the car.

“i think he went inside already to check us in.”

“okay. zack, how are you holding up?”

“cloud,” zack tells him, heartwrenched.

rude makes a face. “that’s… reassuring.”

“he’s delirious with pain,” aerith informs him.

“um, yeah. sure.”

they haul him through the emergency doors, and it doesn’t take long for someone to rush over to them. zack lets them, his mind scabbed over with soreness.

every time he blinks, he’s somewhere different — he’s pretty sure he’s blacking out.

there’s a TV hanging from the wall, repeating the same nutribullet ads over and over again. zack starts to mistake them for his own thoughts.

he stares at his hand, the little pink ring flecked with his blood.

the next time he wakes up, it’s to the sound of something steadily beeping. zack’s drowsy, heavy all over. there’s an IV parked in his left arm and a pretty nurse checking his vitals.

“hi,” he murmurs.

she smiles at him. “hi, honey. how are you feeling?”

zack blinks. the pillows are stiff against his head, but he welcomes them anyway as he sinks back against them. “i’m tired.”

“we gave you some painkillers,” the nurse explains. “they might make you a little loopy for a while.”

“am i gonna die?”

she giggles at this, shakes her head. “no, honey, you’re fine. we just have to make sure you stay stable, and then once it’s safe, we’ll let your wife come in to see you.”

zack furrows his eyebrows. “i don’t… have a wife.”

the nurse frowns. she checks her clipboard. “um, it says here that she checked in while we were running your CT scans. aerith fair?”

oh.

zack smiles dopily.

“yeah, that’s her, all right. my good ole wife.”

the nurse gives him a weird look, pats him hesitantly on the shoulder. “do you have any pain anywhere? any numbness?”

zack shakes his head. “i miss cloud, though.”

“cloud?”

“mm.” zack closes his eyes, sighs. “he doesn’t love me anymore.”

“maybe we should lower your dosage,” the nurse mumbles, scribbles something into her clipboard. “alright, honey, i’m gonna go check in with the doctor real quick, and then i’ll be right back. can i get you anything? extra pillows, some juice?”

“i like apple juice,” zack whispers. “and cloud.”

“apple juice? i can definitely get you some apple juice.”

zack nods, already drifting off again. the nurse ruffles his hair, leaves quietly.

he tumbles through awful, restless dreams. cloud’s floating through his brain like an infection. every time he wakes up, it hurts all over again. cloud’s always the first thing on his mind, and it’s inescapable.

at the same time, zack doesn’t want cloud to leave his mind. it’s the one place cloud still willingly resides inside him.

finally, when he opens his eyes, aerith is the first thing he sees. she’s still wearing that stupid smells like slut in here shirt. yet somehow, it makes everything so much more tolerable.

she’s slouched back in an uncomfortable-looking chair, flipping through a magazine that looks so liminal and haunting in a place like this. zack’s more aware now. he can really smell the antiseptic, lifts his arm and stares at the IV.

his ring glimmers against his finger. someone’s cleaned it off for him.

aerith lifts her head and smiles at him. “how are you feeling?”

“my head hurts,” zack says. “what are they saying? is it bad?”

“you’re really, really lucky.” aerith smiles. “they put you under to check for knife fragments in your ribs, and they couldn’t find anything. the wound was clean, so they were able to stitch it up no problem. your CT scans were clean, too. you’re gonna be fine.”

“where’s—”

“i called the police,” aerith tells him. “they’re looking for him. i’m sure they’ll find him.”

zack can’t help but doubt that. he sighs.

“how long have we been here?”

“four hours. reno and rude went home, but they brought you flowers. reno says he’s sorry for smacking you.”

zack frowns. “when did reno smack me?”

“oh, you probably don’t remember. when he was trying to lift you up at the party, you thought he was sephiroth and punched him in the nuts.”

“oh.” he stares up at the ceiling. “did i say sorry?”

“you were bleeding out,” says aerith. “i promise, nobody was holding anything against you.”

he hums. his heart is shadowy and heavy, and he tries to ignore it. “are you the only one here?”

“yeah.” she looks at her hands, clenched in her lap. “are you hungry?”

“not really,” zack says. “why?”

aerith lifts her head. he follows her gaze. there’s a bag of mcdonald’s on the counter. zack stares at it for a while, looks back at her.

“i… i don’t know. i thought it’d be funny.”

zack laughs. it hurts. he places a hand on his ribs, gauzed over with thick white bandages. “when did you find the time to go get mcdonald’s?”

“you were out for a long time,” aerith says, smiling sadly. “it got boring. also, i was having a panic attack and screaming at the receptionists to get you better pillows, so they told me to take a walk.”

zack shakes his head, fond. he turns over to look at her. “you should’ve gone home with tifa.”

aerith stares at him like he’s insane. “i would never, ever leave you behind, zack. not for anything.”

zack laughs. the tears are starting now, strong. he kind of wishes he was still blissfully delirious off of painkillers.

“i fucked up, aerith.”

aerith reaches over and takes his hand. she’s careful not to touch the one with cloud’s ring, which he numbly appreciates. “he’ll forgive you. it’s just gonna take some time.”

“i don’t think so.” stray tears dribble down his temples, warm and wet on his ears. aerith reaches over and brushes them away. “i think it’s over.”

“zack,” aerith whispers, pained. she rubs a thumb over his cheek.

“he doesn’t know, right?”

aerith blinks. “know… what?”

“that i’m here. that sephiroth stabbed me.”

“i don’t know.”

“did you tell tifa?”

aerith hesitates. she mumbles, “well, um, yeah. but i don’t think she’d tell him. not yet, anyway. it’ll just cause more trouble than anything else right now. you know what i mean?”

“yeah.” zack stares at the TV, which is playing yet another fucking nutribullet commercial. he feels like he’s trapped in the backrooms. “i didn’t mean to hurt him, aerith.”

“oh, baby. i know.” she leans over and presses a kiss against his forehead. “you love him so much, zack, anyone can see that. you’d never do this on purpose.”

“the only thing he ever wanted was for me to protect him.” zack squeezes his eyes shut. “i couldn’t even fucking do that.”

“how were you supposed to know about this entire situation? cloud never talks about it.”

zack sighs, exasperated with himself.

“think of it this way,” aerith says, smiling. “this might hurt, sure, but heartbreaks are always worse if you’ve had sex. luckily, you and cloud have never…”

zack stares at her, fully exposed for the first time. aerith bites down, hard. she gets up, wraps her arms around him.

“oh, zack.”

“i need to tell you something, too,” zack whispers, desperate to change the subject. “but please don’t be mad.”

“i won’t be mad, baby. i think you’ve been through enough tonight.”

“okay.” zack takes a deep breath. “after reno’s party, when you called me to make sure i was okay, i was kind of using you as leverage to keep cloud quiet while he sucked my dick.”

before he even has all the words out, aerith gasps. without thinking, she slaps him. and then, horrified, she immediately falls into a mess of apologies — she grabs his face, inspects it, mortified.

“i’m so sorry,” aerith whispers. “i’m so sorry. i just– i don’t know what came over me. i…”

zack snorts. his cheek’s raw, red. “it’s okay. i deserved it.”

“okay, maybe you kind of did. and i am so going to tear you a new asshole after you’re all better. at the least, you have to buy me iced lattes for the next three months.” she frowns. “but right now, you have abdominal trauma and you got dumped tonight. i don’t think you deserve any more horrors, not for a little while.”

“how the hell could he have dumped me if we weren’t even together?”

aerith stares at his ring. “that looks pretty together to me.”

“this is just…” zack sighs. “i don’t know. cloud’s probably already thrown his away.”

“i doubt that.”

someone knocks on the door. the two look up as a nurse pokes her head in. it’s the pretty one from before, the one who spoon-fed zack litres of dopey painkillers.

she smiles at him again, now. he smiles back, manipulatively. tries to ambush her with psychic attacks to make her give him more of those, make him forget about cloud again for a little while.

“how’s everyone doing?”

“we’re okay,” aerith says kindly.

“aerith, sweetie, i just wanted to let you know that your friend is here to see you. she wants to see zack, too, but we’re still only letting family visit. she’s in the waiting room.”

aerith nods, even with zack’s heavy, steel gaze locked onto her. “thank you. i’ll go see her in a sec.”

once the nurse is gone, zack immediately starts whining. “you brought tifa to—”

“what the hell was i supposed to do, zack, tell her not to show up? she’s my…” her voice drops down to a whisper. “girlfriend.”

“why are you whispering?”

“i lied and told the staff i’m your wife so that they’d let me see you.”

zack stares at her. “they believed you?”

“i cried a lot,” aerith says, smiling. “they felt bad for me, so they let me come in. i think they felt bad about leaving you alone in here, too.”

“probably.”

aerith sighs. she kisses the top of his head. “i’m gonna go see tifa. i’ll be right back, okay?”

“don’t take too long, i might die.”

“ha ha,” aerith says, not smiling at all. she flicks his forehead lovingly before slipping out the door.

zack closes his eyes. immediately, once aerith’s gone, the dread starts crawling back to him. he doesn’t want to think about cloud, not for the rest of the night. he tries to empty his mind of any thoughts at all.

he glances at the clock. it’s two in the morning. how long did aerith say they’d been here? four hours?

for a while, the only sound is his own heartbeat, laid bare to everyone around him through cold, rhythmic beeping. zack wonders how it sounded when he was dreaming of cloud, if it was obvious that his heart’s split in two uneven parts.

zack stares at the wall. empties his brain. rinse and repeat.

down the hall, outside of the door, someone’s pushing a machine on wheels. it creaks loudly. someone coughs, someone else laughs in mid-conversation. zack finally looks down at his ribs, runs his fingers over the sterile white bandages.

he wonders how badly it’s gonna scar. tries to sit with the knowledge that there’s gonna be a reminder of sephiroth, of this entire night, in his body forever.

“fuck,” he whispers.

his next thought process is: how the hell is he going to afford all these medical bills? he could call his parents, but he doesn’t want to give them both a heart attack.

“sir,” someone calls, far away. “sir, you can’t go in there.”

how fucking insane would he sound, describing this evening to them? they’d—

“i already told you, we’re engaged.”

zack freezes.

he knows that voice.

“sir—”

“you don’t believe me? i’m not his fiancé, huh? what’s this? you see this fucking ring on my finger? he’s got one just like it. you think he’d buy one for anyone else, you stupid little idiot?”

zack sinks into his hospital bed as if it’ll protect him. maybe, by some miracle, the bed will have mercy on him and fold itself in half, killing him instantly. his own ring burns on his finger.

“where the fuck is he,” cloud seethes, in a voice so dark and possessive zack feels his heart immediately wither up and die. other familiar voices are joining, now, trying to calm him down: tifa and aerith.

zack holds his breath.

it takes almost five full minutes, followed by several people shouting. cloud screams over all of them, sounding exhausted and worried and sick. zack tries his best not to cry at the sound of it, but it doesn’t go very well.

then cloud screams for him, his voice cracking.

zack bites back a wave of tears.

“cloud,” he shouts back. frayed, horrible.

everything falls silent. zack’s half-convinced that cloud heard his voice, got disgusted and left. and then cloud’s throwing the door open, panting.

his blonde hair is sticking up all over the place. he’s in his pajamas, the keys to his motorbike hanging slack from his fingers. his blue eyes are riddled with panic, but the moment they settle on zack, something in them calms. they hone into him like dark, empty oceans.

“you…” cloud gasps out, taking everything in. he stares at the IV. “idiot.”

zack stares at him.

“you know who fucking told me you were here?” cloud shouts, slamming the door behind him. there’s about five bewildered nurses in the hallway, but smartly, none of them try to intervene. “fucking reno, zack. i had to hear that you’d gotten stabbed by sephiroth from fucking reno because you didn’t tell me yourself.”

zack opens his mouth. cloud is determined to not let him get a word in edgewise.

“i didn’t believe him. i tried to call you. your fucking phone was dead.” cloud laughs, rakes a hand across his face. “the entire time i was screaming at you, you were sitting there taking it, bleeding the fuck out. do you know how insane you have to be to do that? do you have any idea?”

“i—”

cloud sticks up his hand to silence him. his ring shines safely on his finger. the relief zack feels is violent.

“all of this— this terror, this hell. this is what happens when i let people get close to me,” cloud tells him, shaky. “zack, you and i — it can’t happen.”

“cloud.”

“i’m sorry i got you sucked into this shit, and i’m sorry i tried to make it work because– fuck, zack, i really wanted to. but we can’t be together. do you fucking understand what i’m saying? tell me you understand.”

“i—”

“say it.”

zack glares at him. “if you let me speak, i might be able to fucking talk to you.”

cloud levels his gaze. he’s probably the only person in the universe that can dismantle zack like this, with one single look. zack’s soul lurches, deep inside.

“i’m waiting.”

zack rolls his eyes. “cloud, i don’t give a shit about sephiroth, okay? i don’t—”

“that’s just it, zack. i do. i have to. if i don’t, that’s when he comes back.”

“aerith said that there were people out looking for him, cloud. they’ll—”

cloud shakes his head. “they’re never gonna find him. he’s gonna hide until they stop looking, and then he’ll show up again, wherever i decide to run. that’s how it always fucking is.”

“i don’t want you to be alone,” zack strains.

cloud crosses his arms. “i’ve always been alone. it won’t change anything now. you and i — i did have fun, okay? but i meant what i said.”

it feels like someone’s twisting the knife around all over again. the stupid fucking heart-rate monitor beeps wildly, proving it. cloud looks at the machine, desolate.

“then why did you come here?”

“i needed to make sure you were okay,” cloud says, hoarse. “i didn’t want you to die because of me.”

zack wants nothing else than to climb out of this bed and wrap his arms around him. but the wires hold him in place, and cloud’s not really here as he stares at him.

“i’m leaving now,” cloud says darkly, quiet. “i don’t want to see you again, zack, do you fucking understand me?”

“we’re not done talking.”

“we are.” cloud shuts his eyes. “it’s over.”

before zack can say another word, cloud shoves his way back out the door. all of the nurses are still standing there, eyes wide with shock. they stare at zack, and he stares back at them, empty and broken and so fucking lost.

he exhales shakily.

“can someone bring me some fucking apple juice?”

Chapter Text

two months drag by without a word.

slowly, zack is becoming accustomed to a life without cloud in it. he wakes up each morning half-dressed from the night before, his eyes aching. his body’s always too tense, painfully so. it confuses late morning drowsiness for vulnerability, something to be feared.

zack lies there for a long time, staring at the ceiling, warm hand resting over the uneven, jagged white scar tissue on his ribs. he thinks of nothing, feels nothing. sometimes he’ll roll over, reach over onto the sidestand and grab the little tiny chunk of moonstone resting there.

he runs his fingers over the grooves, searching for any sort of feeling. anything. nothing ever comes.

by far, the first month was the worst. zack felt too much, constantly, and it tore him apart. there were way too many times he’d sit in the shower, face in his hands, gasping in the vapor and feeling his fresh scar ripple with the memories.

for a while, he slept with the light on. it felt better that way. he didn’t necessarily need closure, not when the darkness wasn’t around to play tricks on him. and when the nightmares tore him upright, when he reached across the bed to grab onto cloud, his fist squeezing around the cold pillows instead—

well, he didn’t need closure then, either. it was final.

now, zack doesn’t feel anything at all. still, it seems that cloud’s ghost is strongest here, always.

the thing is, cloud’s a constant, solid presence. he drifts about like he lives somewhere deep inside zack’s soul, lying dormant and using his eyes to see, his ears to hear.

zack catches sight of himself in the mirror. his hair’s getting long, black spikes beginning to stretch down his back. he runs his pinky over the long, hooked scar marring his ribs and tries not to think about cloud all over him three months before, giggling in his ear, wide blue eyes trained softly on him.

bracing his hands against the sink, zack stares at his own blue eyes in the reflection. he grabs his phone.

zack [12:32 pm]
are you coming over today

jessie [12:34 pm]
yea

the moment he gets confirmation, zack leans over and turns on the shower.

it’s quick, has to be. zack can’t stand to be in there by himself anymore: every time he closes his eyes, he hears cloud’s voice in his ear, laughing and mocking.

you miss me, it says. you miss me and it’s ripping you apart.

breakfast is a glass of water, a multivitamin and some squats in the living room, made painstakingly difficult by the throbbing soreness of his ribs.

jessie shows up while he’s sitting on the couch, controller in hand. she pushes the door open without a word, kicks off her shoes and does her best to discreetly drop a mountain of groceries on the counter.

“jessie,” zack says, warningly, eyes still on the TV.

“ignore me,” jessie sings as she starts going through his fridge. she pulls the trash can close, starts tossing anything that could be considered a biohazard. “aerith had me bring some stuff over, that’s all.”

zack says nothing to this, but he raises his hand. jessie launches a baggie at him. it’s thicker than last week, absolutely reeks. he tears it open, immediately starts packing a bowl.

“how were classes?”

“boring,” jessie sighs. “it’s weird not seeing you there. everyone misses you, though. they’re all saying they hope you recover—”

“how much for the weed?”

“don’t worry about it this time,” she says, sorting the new groceries in his cabinets.

“you sure?”

“yeah. let me take a hit, though.”

zack shifts so he’s sitting cross-legged. he leans over to grab his bong, this glass blue-heart shaped thing that jessie had passed his way two months ago with a knowing glance.

at first, zack had hesitated. it’d felt wrong to rely on something like that. a part of him wanted to process everything raw, as it wanted to come. but then he’d taken one hit and for the first time, the roughness of cloud’s memory had slipped from his brain.

he’d still felt him there, lingering. but zack could finally stomach watching him, calculating the shape of him. jessie had watched the transformation on his face and had immediately called the bong a favor, nothing more and nothing less. she didn’t want a single cent.

“you’ll have to come over here. i’m not moving.”

jessie sighs. “christ, you’re in a particularly nasty mood today.”

zack ignores her. he snaps the lighter to life, inhales deep. the moment his lungs fill with smoke, a deep ease settles over his body. he rests his head against the back of the couch and exhales, groans with the familiar bliss of it.

“hi jessie, how are you?” jessie mimes in a deep, zack-like impersonation from the kitchen. “oh, i’m great, thanks for asking. how about you? oh, i’m an asshole today. really, why? well, just because i want to be, i guess. hey, give me some weed and shut the fuck up. i’m very sad today for some reason and i want to—”

zack closes his eyes. “hi, jessie.”

“hi, zack,” jessie says, grinning. “rough night?”

“i couldn’t sleep.”

jessie bumps the fridge shut with her hip. she grabs two canned coffees and flops down in her usual spot beside him on the couch. zack passes the bong over, holds the lighter for her while she inhales.

while she holds the smoke between her lungs, she cracks open both coffees, slides one over to him. finally, she releases, exuding a plume of grey into the air.

“bad dreams?” she asks.

zack stares at his hand. his ring is stark against the orange lighter.

“something like that.”

“tifa was asking about you,” she tells him, setting the bong on the table and grabbing her usual controller. “let me join.”

“go ahead.” zack waits as her controller syncs, tilts his head. “i don’t really want to talk about tifa.”

“yeah, you’re right. it’s probably too early in our sesh for that.”

“what?”

“nothing,” jessie says quickly. “you want another hit?”

zack stares at her for a while. he takes the bong. “yeah.”

“atta boy.” she watches him struggle to strike the lighter, and frowns. “did you get any sleep last night at all?”

“kinda.”

“by kinda, do you mean a little bit or none at all?”

zack answers by leaning down to put his mouth on the bong. soon, the sound of rumbling bubbles fills the room. jessie watches him with a sense of corrigible quiet.

“i slept some,” he says, finally, after lifting his head.

“have you been taking your meds?”

he doesn’t know what she’s talking about, at first. it catches him off guard, and he starts coughing.

“my meds?”

“the ones they gave you for your nightmares.”

oh.

zack’s briefly reunited with the overwhelmingly uncomfortable sensation of a stiff chair beneath his ass, aerith’s hand hooked in his arm. it was about two weeks after the hospital trip, back when aerith had still been sleeping over every night.

the night previous, she’d come running to him, curled up and howling cloud’s name.

this particular nightmare had been absolutely terrible. by the time zack had been roused from sleep, he’d forgotten the majority of it. still, he couldn’t escape the overwhelming sensation of cloud being torn from his arms.

the specifics were already evaporating, but zack could still hear the way cloud had been screaming for him, his lungs scraped raw and giving out.

that night, aerith had held him for a long time, much longer than usual, and then forced him to make the call the next morning.

zack can’t remember what they prescribed him, but he’d only taken it twice.

it’d made him drowsy. which fucking sucked, because there was something so, so particularly alarming about witnessing the illusion of sephiroth while he struggled to stay aware, tried to remember what was real.

“i took one last night.”

jessie sighs. she turns back to the TV.

they play a couple of rounds, passing the bong back and forth. jessie’s easy company: she makes light of everything, effortlessly, and refrains from looking at him like he’s a kicked animal. still, as zack’s high overtakes him, he starts to notice her harmless jokes slipping into something more.

gentle prods here and there: have you been eating at least two full meals. a quick break to show him some dumb meme that makes him choke on his coffee. briefly pulling back to brag about how she recently terrorized feeble elders at the rec center during last week’s friday night bingo. tifa had me bring leftovers, too. quick shit you don’t have to overthink. nuke it for forty seconds and it’s done.

zack’s never positive if she does it on purpose, or if being stoned makes her more affectionate. still, by the time they hit hour two, zack can barely open his eyes and jessie’s smirking triumphantly, her voice lightweight and casual as she watches him.

“aerith says she misses you.”

“really,” zack mumbles, not quite believing it. it’d be better for everyone involved if he just stayed away: he’s sure that even the faintest reminder of him will bring back the events of that night.

once he’s better, sure. maybe then, he’ll start to believe it. but for now, he’s satisfied with things the way they are.

“what’s the deal with you and aerith, anyway?” zack asks, itching to project the topic into literally any other direction.

jessie laughs. she immediately grabs the bong. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“i think you do,” says zack. “i’m just saying, the little argument you had with tifa at kunsel’s was a little…”

“it was nothing, zack.”

zack reaches over and grabs the lighter, holding it out of her reach. she swears, starts climbing over him in a desperate attempt to pry it out of his hands.

she swats at him, and he swats back, and suddenly they’re yelling, both of their faces turned away as they blindly slap at each other.

“zack, stop!”

“i deserve to know!”

“there’s nothing going on.” she flops down on top of him, starts tickling his sides. zack screams, launches the lighter across the room.

jessie watches it soar, turns back to stare at him in disbelief.

his head buzzes pleasantly.

“you realize i have another lighter in my pocket, right?” jessie asks, incredulous.

“what?”

“i’m a plug. i have weed, a switchblade and like, five lighters on me at any given point. they’re like, essential for survival.”

zack’s face falls. “then why were you fighting me for that one?”

“i’m high as fuck.”

“well, i am too.” zack narrows his eyes. “the thing is, jessie, if you want me to talk about my failed relationship so bad, i think it’s only fair that you tell me about yours.”

jessie snorts. she pulls back from him and starts fishing through her pockets. “aerith and i weren’t even a thing. not really. i mean, we kissed once or twice.”

zack gapes at her. “you… you kissed?”

“maybe.” she finds a different lighter and warms up the bong.

“when was this?”

jessie frowns. “when did you two break up, again?”

zack stares at her.

“okay, um, that sounded really bad.”

“yeah…”

“we were hanging out maybe three weeks after you guys broke up, and it just kind of… happened. i don’t know. she held a joint out to me, and she was wearing one of my sweatshirts, and the next thing i knew i was kissing her. but nothing ever—”

“did she kiss you back?” zack asks, rapt.

“uh, yeah.” jessie raises an eyebrow. “why do you sound so excited?”

“um, because she never mentioned this to me.”

“and you won’t tell her i said anything,” jessie threatens, leaning in. “because if you do, i’ll show up at your house in the middle of the night and kill you.”

zack smirks. “i won’t say anything.”

“good.”

“so, are you like, jealous of tifa now, or…”

“i’m not jealous,” jessie balks. “i just– i don’t know. sometimes i think about what could’ve happened if i’d been a bit more serious with aerith, sure, but… like… don’t you do the same thing?”

“no?”

“the hell do you mean, no? have you ever seen aerith?”

“um, yes,” zack says, squinting. “however, if you haven’t already noticed, i recently had my heart broken.”

jessie scowls. “okay, well. anyway. i’m not here to tell you about my life’s regrets, alright? let’s talk about you.”

“i’d rather not.”

“tough.” jessie crosses her arms. “i’ve been talking to the others, and we get this sense that you’re trying to hide from us.”

“i’m not hiding from you.”

“really?” jessie asks, smiling softly as if to try and stay lighthearted. “because you haven’t come out with us in a while. in fact, i think the only person you’ve spoken to in a month is me. right?”

zack rolls his eyes. he takes the bong. “i just don’t want to get in the way, that’s all.”

“get in the way? how could you ever do that?”

zack shrugs. “i just… i dunno. i put everyone through a lot that night.”

“zack, what happened was not your fault. if anything, they should’ve given you more detail before that even had the chance to happen.”

“i did actively antagonize sephiroth, though.” zack takes another hit. “if i hadn’t done that, things wouldn’t have ended up like this.”

“that’s not fair. he was riling you both up. and honestly, zack, who’s to say that this wouldn’t have happened later? sure, you might’ve been able to prolong it for a little while, but he had a plan and he was going to act it out eventually.”

“i don’t know.”

“i think it’s better now, too. we’re all aware, so we can do a better job of preventing it next time.”

zack tilts his head.

there won’t be a next time, because i’m never going to see either of them again.

“i guess,” he says, just to humor her.

“and zack, you were just trying to protect—”

“don’t,” zack snaps. it comes out much harsher than he intends. he stares at his hands, slightly embarrassed. “it doesn’t matter now. it’s all in the past.”

jessie watches him. there’s a sliver of awareness there, deep within the layers, as if she’s withholding something from him. zack gazes at her too late to be sure, and really, if it’s about cloud — well, he doesn’t really want to hear about it to begin with.

jessie knows this, too.

“if it helps you sleep at night.”

the implication there is rotten, and jessie knows it. still, when zack shoots her a poisonous gaze, she’s quick to roll her shoulders and take the bong from his hands.

“i think you’re handling this very well.”

“sure,” he mutters bitterly.

“and anyway, if things don’t work out in the end… well, i don’t know. we could always date each other.”

zack glances over at her, alarmed.

jessie uses this exact moment to take a particularly long rip. she pulls up with a relaxed sigh, and then laughs.

“joking.” she pauses. “well.”

before she can elaborate further, zack tears the bong out of her grasp. she holds the lighter for him while he leans down to take a stress hit. debating, she watches him for a while, but then shakes her head.

“mm… nah. the new long hair and bitchy stoner attitude is cute, but definitely not my type.”

“fuck you.”

one month earlier, tifa had reached out after weeks of radio silence and proposed that they meet up for coffee.

really, zack had wanted anything but. he was comfortable staying in the house, avoiding everything and everyone (doctor’s orders) while his stab wound scabbed over. but really, he didn’t want to see tifa, because every time he looked at her, he knew who he was going to be looking at instead.

after leaving her on delivered for three days, she sent one more text. please.

he’s still not sure why that one bubble pushed him out the door like it did. guilt certainly had something to do with it, but he thinks, deep down, there was a part of him that was still hoping to get cloud back.

for some reason, zack thought that if he went to see tifa, he’d be one step closer.

so, one month ago, zack selfishly opens the door to tifa’s work. it takes him a few solid minutes to work up the nerve, standing awkwardly in front of the door and blocking everyone else’s path.

eventually, there’s a little old lady who comes up behind him and taps him in the back of the legs with her cane.

tifa doesn’t notice him at first. horribly, she looks exactly like she always does: zack’s kind of scared, in a way, that she looks so normal, as if nothing ever happened.

it hits him in a wave that she’s been coming back to this bar every day, that aerith has probably visited her more times than not, that time is still pushing forward even though—

“zack,” tifa says. she smiles. zack doesn’t know if he returns it. “go take a seat, okay? i’ll be right over. can i make you something?”

zack shakes his head.

she nods. “iced latte, then.”

zack’s heart cramps at this. it’s obvious by the implication that she’s not gonna charge him this time, but he kind of wishes she would.

he finds a seat off in the corner, heart racing. tifa joins him after a few minutes, sets down two lattes and slides a danish his way. zack stares at it, feeling awfully twisted up inside.

“so,” she says, somewhat awkwardly. tifa looks good, healthy. she’s wearing a silver necklace that she worries through her fingers as she stares at him. “you look…”

“bad? exhausted? depressed?” zack lists off, aged anger rising up in him like a fine red wine. “stupid?”

“tough.” tifa tries to smile, but it doesn’t really happen that way. “your hair’s getting long.”

zack frowns. he reaches back subconsciously to feel the tied-back spikes. “i need to cut it.”

“i think it looks good,” she says. “how’s, um…”

zack already knows what she’s looking for, mainly because jessie asks the same question every damn time she shows up at his house. so, like clockwork, he leans back in his seat and tugs the bottom of his shirt up over his abs.

the scar’s shining over with new skin, a hooked crescent just at the ridge of his ribcage. it’s not big by any means but it’s deep, sore when he applies any sort of pressure to the left side of his body.

“looks like it’s healing okay,” tifa says.

zack scoffs.

“the doctors said you were lucky that the knife didn’t puncture your diaphragm.”

“oh yeah.” zack drops his shirt. “i’m real, real lucky.”

at this, tifa does smile, albeit sadly. she takes a sip of her latte.

an awkward silence befalls them, and zack stares at a line of condensation as it beads down the side of his untouched drink.

“i’m sorry.”

zack pauses. he flicks his eyes up at her.

“i’m sorry for what i said to you,” tifa tries again, tightly wound up like she wants to cry. zack really fucking hopes she doesn’t: he doesn’t think he could handle it. “back at kunsel’s party. you didn’t deserve any of that.”

“yeah,” zack says, hoarse.

“it’s… a really difficult situation. we should’ve told you everything right from the start, but… i don’t know. i guess i thought cloud would’ve mentioned something by that point, with you guys being as serious as you were, but— that’s not really like him, i guess.”

“you don’t say,” zack deadpans. “do you even understand how many times i tried to talk to him about it?”

“yes,” tifa whispers immediately, her eyes shuttering with strained sympathy. “you have no idea.”

zack clenches his fists.

it’s not her fault. from the very beginning, tifa had been doing nothing but trying to warn him: towards the end, it’d been up to him to confront someone and get the specifics.

but he hadn’t, because he figured loving cloud would come with its own protections.

zack glances back down at the cup, breathless with grief suddenly. “did aerith put you up to this?”

“no!” tifa’s hand twitches like she wants to reach across the table and take his hand. thank god, she doesn’t. “i just… wanted to apologize for everything. i really think that, if the circumstances were different, you and cloud could’ve been perfect for each other.”

zack feels sick. he wants to ask, but he’s not sure where to begin. “is… is he—”

“i don’t know, honestly.” tifa takes a deep breath. “he doesn’t talk to me very much.”

“he doesn’t?”

tifa shakes her head. “the last time we really talked, he said that he’d lost everything close to him.”

“i tried to text him,” zack whispers. his heart throbs and he feels it deep down through his ribs. “none of my messages ever went through.”

“he did mention something about needing space while he figured everything out,” says tifa with an uncomfortable sigh. “that was a while ago, though. a lot’s changed since then.”

she’s averting eye contact. dread immediately curls in zack’s gut.

“what’s changed?”

“you have to understand that this has happened once before, okay? and it has nothing to do with you. he’s not—”

“tifa,” zack says, pointed. “just tell me.”

“cloud’s transferring again,” tifa tells him tersely. “to get away from sephiroth.”

“but—” zack shakes his head. “he’s gonna be all alone if he does that.”

“i know.”

“and it just doesn’t make any sense,” zack says, frantic. “wouldn’t it be better if he stayed here, where people could watch out for him?”

“probably,” tifa says simply, uncomfortably. “he’s taking some time off, and then in the summer, he’s flying out.”

“that’s stupid.”

tifa sighs. he can tell by the sound of it that she agrees.

“even so, it’s up to him. and nobody knows where sephiroth is, zack. he could be anywhere — cloud feels better wiping the slate clean, you know? he doesn’t want to leave any sort of trail for him to follow.”

“but he can’t live like that,” zack strains. “he can’t live in constant fear. even if sephiroth is still out there somewhere, cloud needs to live. he can’t let sephiroth govern every little aspect of his life.”

“it’s only for a couple years.” tifa takes a deep breath, as if convincing herself. “he’s gonna lose a few credits that way, but he said—”

“he’s so fucking stupid,” zack agonizes. he seizes his drink and takes a long, stressed sip. “christ, does he think before doing anything? is there any part of his brain that works properly, or is it all just convoluted, little office people who only know how to either miscommunicate with each other or be really fucking stubborn?”

tifa smiles. she hides it behind her palm.

“he’s safer here,” zack continues angrily. “he realizes that, right? he realizes that isolating himself from everyone isn’t going to make any of us happier at all? it’s just gonna endanger him, and fuck, none of us want that. has he ever had an intelligent thought in his life? he— sorry. i’m being—”

“no,” tifa mumbles, somewhat amused. “keep going.”

zack pauses. “you’re not annoyed?”

“i think you and i have a lot more in common than i originally thought.”

this, for some reason, pleases zack greatly. “why?”

“i… may or may not have yelled this same stuff to him over the phone.”

“oh.” zack licks his lips. “i take it he didn’t respond well.”

“he hung up in my face, yeah.”

zack sighs. he rubs his hands over his face. “i can’t stand him. he’s infuriating, tifa. he’s insane, and sometimes i really want to hate him, i do. but i can’t. i think about him, and i want to hate him so much, but it’s like every time i try, all i can think about is stupid shit instead, like—”

“yes?”

zack groans. he lifts his hand and lays it out on the table, stares at his ring.

“like, this. you see this shit? i can’t take this off. i could probably go through seven rounds of soap and eventually slip it off my finger, but it’s too much effort. anyway, i don’t want to take it off, tifa. i can’t even remember what my finger looked like before it was on there.”

tifa sips her latte.

“and you know what pisses me off? he hasn’t talked to me in a month, and i still can’t stop thinking about him. all i can think about is his— christ, the way he smiled at me after getting that strike at the bowling alley. or the way he was always vying for my attention. constantly. and he was so fucking mean, but i loved it. i loved him, tifa.”

zack stops.

tifa watches him carefully. she’s barely breathing.

“i love him,” zack whispers, again, rolling the crushing weight of it around on his tongue.

it feels like someone’s just seized him, forced his head under heavy water. and while he can’t breathe under the surface, lungs rejecting the pressure, the water feels good, too: he likes the way it tastes. wants to feel it on his skin, wants to drink it and heal the dryrot in his bloodstream.

“zack.”

zack already knows. he’s staring at the droplets on his arm, is fully aware of the warm tears crawling their way down his cheeks. he reaches up, stunned, and wipes his face clean with the back of his hand.

he’s in love with cloud, and it hurts.

“i think,” zack begins, shaky. “i think i wanna go home.”

“of course,” tifa says, aching with raw warmth. “i… i want you to promise me that you’ll call me if you ever need anything.”

“i will.”

they both know he’s lying, but tifa doesn’t push it.

over two months, zack develops an extremely artful tactic of pretending he’s not in love with cloud:

instead of processing it, he simply does not.

“shit.”

still, it’s a funny little thing, that guilt. it consumes him constantly, a foggy blanket cast over his mind. but even so zack doesn’t find himself thinking of cloud once, not at all.

“fuck.”

zack’s panting through his teeth, clenched down so tightly on the bunched-up shirt that he’s positive the fabric’s gonna tear under the pressure. he twists his wrist, digs three fingers up against his prostate in a way that makes him dizzy.

or maybe it’s the shirt. it mainly smells like zack’s detergent, now, after he mistook it for one of his own. but if he focuses hard enough, he can sometimes catch the lingering scent of cloud’s skin. it’s stuffed so roughly in zack’s mouth that he can hardly breathe around it.

zack’s cock spasms. he works it up into his palm, messily slides the head between his fingers. it’s torture, sticky and euphoric and nowhere near what he really wants to be fucking.

the cusp of his ring snags against his rim and zack groans, low and long. he may say cloud’s name, or he may not. the shirt swallows the sound of it, as intended.

his muffled voice snags on a sob. he wants to hear cloud’s name so badly. so badly. he bites down harder, forces himself to focus on the silky slide of his fingers against his soft insides.

the sensation is nothing, desolate. zack would prefer to feel cloud instead, on either end of the double-sided pleasure coiling through him. it’s almost overwhelming, almost. zack’s gotten good at coming fast — there’s no point in stretching it out anymore, not when he’s looking for a quick reprieve.

his fingers stutter, canting up deep. a deep thrum of pleasure rides up his spine.

zack keeps his eyes shut tight. he’s pretty sure he’s sobbing out cloud’s name now, but it doesn’t matter. if he can’t hear it, then it’s not real, and he’s not thinking of cloud at all.

still, he’s chanting something into the drool-soaked, dark blue shirt. he breathes raggedly, fucking his hips up greedily into his hand.

he wishes it was the real thing. he wants to fuck cloud so bad, wants to feel him twitch and sob and give in. wants cloud writhing for him, powerless and with nowhere to hide. zack wants him like the ocean wants the tide, automatic and instinctual and mindless.

zack wants to make him happy. he wants cloud to know how much he loves him, even if just for a while.

a heatwave rolls over him, dumb and perfect, and he knows he’s gonna come. he can think of whatever he wants, but it’s always this that sends him over the edge, the thought of cloud dopily smiling and fucked out underneath him—

he comes fast. his chest frantically rises and falls as he feels it hit his abs, wishes it was making a mess inside of cloud instead. he groans stupidly into the shirt, his jaw relaxing as his teeth slowly release it.

zack peels the wettened, teeth-marred shirt away from his mouth. his body twitches with the aftershocks.

he uses it to wipe the come from his stomach, turns and launches it off into the corner. zack’s pretty sure it lands inside the laundry hamper, but he’ll worry about that later.

the ceiling spins slightly as he stares up at it. zack’s dizzy, stupid with guilt. the back of his neck is damp with sweat.

what the fuck.

zack lies there for about fifteen minutes, staring into nothingness and feeling nothing at all.

then he sits up. he tugs his shirt back down over his belly, pulls a pair of sweatpants on. it always feels kind of weird at first, slipping back into the brainless loop of forgetting the way his love for cloud feels. but then he gets used to it, sudden and cold, like clicking the safety back over a loaded gun.

zack heads down to the kitchen, throws a tupperware of leftovers in the microwave. while it’s heating up, he rips the living room apart looking for the remote.

the only thing in immediate sight is his bong and the obscenely large baggie of weed propped up prettily beside it. zack stares at it for a little too long, shakes his head and continues searching.

later. he’ll—

zack’s hip bumps up against his guitar. it clatters to the ground noisily and he winces. he bends down to right it, almost misses the tiny white flash of something inside it. at first, he thinks he’s imagined it.

he pauses.

zack grips it by the neck, turns it over. something definitely flutters inside, hits the interior with a soft thud.

it looks like a folded piece of paper. his heart skips a beat.

don’t be obnoxious. it’s probably nothing.

zack’s trying so hard not to steadily go insane as he flips the guitar around, this way and that, trying to coax it to fall out.

it’s probably an instruction manual or something. some stupid little advertisement for the shop you bought this dumb thing from.

he can hear the microwave beeping somewhere in the depths of his subconscious. he does not care. a fucking meteor could strike down in the center of his apartment, and he’d still be frantically rattling this thing around like it holds the golden, dark secrets of the universe.

it’s not worth it.

zack’s about to slam this guitar against the wall, bust it into pieces, when the little thing finally, finally fucking falls out and hits the carpet.

it is a piece of paper, folded into a tiny square. zack tries to focus on literally anything but his frantic, increasing heart rate as he shakily pries it open.

zack—

zack shuts his eyes, exhales through his teeth. a horrible mix of love and mourning crash into him like a torrent on sharp, uneven rocks.

he knows that handwriting anywhere. it’s the same scrawl that marks some of his old lab papers, stupid little notes in the margins that read idiot over and over again. zack takes a second to compose himself before he opens his eyes.

it’s a letter from cloud, three months ago.

zack,

sorry if this is stupid. my mom and i have exchanged so many letters that i’ve started to rely on them as a way to actually say what i’m feeling.

it’s embarrassing, but i wanted to thank you for letting me stay with you last night. sometimes i get really scared of my nightmares, but you always know exactly what to say to let me know i’m safe with you. i’ve been alone for a long time, so i really appreciate that.

anyway, sorry if it’s weird, but i really like you a lot.

you’re really funny and nice, and you go along with whatever i say, even if it’s kind of uncomfortable for you. sometimes i wish that things were different, and i was able to talk to you about these things freely.

right now, you’re making me pancakes. i can hear you singing wonderwall downstairs. i’ve been done with my shower for a while, but i wanted to listen to you. maybe it’s dumb, but you have a nice voice.

i’m running out of paper here—

there’s an arrow in the lower right corner. zack slowly turns the page over, his vision blurry.

so at risk of writing in the margins, i want to say one last thing.

i think i’m in love with you.

i’ve been trying to deny it for a while, but the truth is, i still haven’t forgotten what you were wearing when i first met you.

the second time you said that you loved me, i got really scared. you were falling asleep in my lap, and i knew you weren’t going to remember it. but it was the first time we weren’t having sex, and that’s when i knew it was real for you.

i’m starting to think love isn’t something that can be controlled. i want it to happen naturally with you, and if anything messed that up, i think it would make me really, really sad.

sorry if this is annoying. a part of me hopes you’ll never find this letter, because if you do… well, i guess we’ll find out, won’t we? :)

PS you’re an idiot
cloud

“sunshine.”

zack’s eyes are hot, filled with tears. he reads the words over and over again, until he’s sure he’s not dreaming.

at first, zack’s exasperated. but really, it’s just like cloud to do something like this. really, he can easily imagine cloud calling him stupid before nonchalantly dropping a love confession into the most deranged fucking spot that zack would never think to look.

it just fits.

i’m in love with cloud.

he lets it dawn on him like the morning sun. it runs in streams over the imperceptible, scabbed bruises that mottle his entire being.

under all the shadowy cobwebs, there’s a pool of warmth flowing through his senses. zack’s happy. he’s so fucking happy. his love for cloud is syrupy sweet, untainted and pure. he’s so fucking excited, he could scream.

zack collapses back against the carpet, smiling stupidly.

“i love cloud,” he whispers to no one at all. “i love cloud. i love him.”

he’s aching with it. right now, he wants nothing more than to find cloud: grab him by the shoulders, shout it over and over and over again, until cloud hears the confession in his dreams.

but he has to be careful. it’s been three months. sephiroth injected a vein of fear into the two of them that can’t just simply be removed. but now that zack’s got this, he can start trying.

zack’s grip tightens around the letter. cloud’s heart.

cloud loves me.

he laughs, nearly sings with it.

zack’s body moves on its own, as if being pulled by a cord. the sun gleams through the window, world awash with color now that zack can finally breathe again.

it has to be around three in the afternoon at this point. it would be obscenely stupid for zack to show up at cloud’s house unannounced, especially after the time apart, but he has to start somewhere.

zack grabs his keys from off the counter, almost stumbles as he makes his way out the door.

“the fuck do you mean?”

wedge stares at him, openly confused. “cloud doesn’t work here anymore, bro. didn’t you know that?”

“zack said a bad word,” announces marlene unhelpfully from the side. she’s poised diligently over a pile of paper and crayons. barret’s seated at her side, glaring at zack in an empty, furious way that makes zack immediately look back at wedge as if they’d never made eye contact in the first place.

“watch your mouth in front of my daughter,” barret grumbles.

“sorry,” zack says, sheepish. he stares daggers at wedge. “talk to me, man.”

“cloud left a month ago,” wedge says.

“why would he do that?” zack asks, making a face. “i know he’s transferring, but that’s not for a few months. why would he leave fenrir?”

wedge takes a deep breath, face alight with sudden understanding. he makes a low sound like, oh.

zack stares at him. he can hear his heart pumping in his ears.

“did you not know?”

“no?” zack says, apprehension seizing him. “what happened?”

“fenrir got adopted, dude.”

oh.

zack feels his heart go slack. his head swims.

“you really didn’t know?” asks wedge.

for some reason, tifa’s words smash into zack’s subconscious like a drum.

the last time we really talked, he said that he’d lost everything close to him.

all he remembers, suddenly, is cloud rambling about fenrir’s specific feeding schedule. a while back he’d forced zack to make a spreadsheet on his phone of fenrir’s favorite snacks, his favorite kinds of toys — felt catnip mice and plastic springs, specifically.

cloud’s stubborn and sour-faced, but when he’s holding that stupid little cat, it’s as if someone’s brushed the dust off of his heart and made it shine.

zack rubs a heavy hand over his face.

“cloud and i haven’t talked for three months,” zack reminds him. “not since i got out of the hospital.”

“oh.” wedge blinks. “is that what the girls are always talking about when we go out?”

“maybe?” zack wonders, and then shakes his head. “not important. can you tell me who adopted him?”

“zack, bro, you know i’d love to but that’s highly confidential and—”

zack eyes the stack of paperwork on the desk. he braces one hand against the counter and leaps over it, ignoring the outraged cries of barret and wedge as he starts violently rifling through packets of adoption forms. somewhere in the background, he can hear marlene cheering him on.

still, neither wedge or barret try to physically stop him. barret tries, once, but zack lifts his head and shoots the man a dark, mortal glare that makes him back off immediately.

finally, towards the center, zack finds fenrir’s name. there’s an address, an adopter’s name that zack barely skims over, and some financial information that he doesn’t give a fuck about.

zack takes a picture of it all, anyway, just to be certain he has everything he needs.

“thank you,” zack says to the bewildered men as he dives back over the counter.

“what the hell are you doing?” barret shouts to him.

“getting fenrir,” zack calls over his shoulder, as if this is obvious.

“he’s adopted.”

“and i’m taking him back.”

“zack,” wedge begins, carefully, as if trying to reason with a wild animal, “what are you planning on doing, exactly? it’s not like you can just show up at someone’s door and ask them to give you their shiny new kitten.”

“i won’t be asking.”

wedge and barret exchange a worried look.

“zack—”

zack doesn’t wait to hear the rest. he tugs his keys out of his pocket and pushes his way through the doors, already punching the address into his gps.

as his phone highlights the route, zack starts to feel kind of insane. but he doesn’t care. he’s consumed with the urge to help cloud, feral and lovestruck and stupid.

and fenrir is cloud’s. quite frankly, zack doesn’t care what he has to do in order to get him back.

he’s pulling out of the parking lot when his phone pings:

jessie [3:45 pm]
zack
wedge just texted me. what the fuck are you doing

zack ignores it.

the address is about twenty minutes away, which is perfect, because it gives him absolutely no time at all to process what he’s doing.

zack likes to think he’s charming. it won’t be that hard to convince this person to hand fenrir over. and if they refuse, zack can just… keep trying. if he has to physically pry fenrir from them, that’ll be a bridge he crosses when he gets to it.

a slow, creeping sense of doubt starts to envelop him, but he pretends it’s not there.

zack’s not crazy. he’s normal.

the next time his phone goes off, it’s a ringtone he strongly recognizes. zack leans over and answers, puts it on speaker.

“what the hell are you doing?” aerith asks.

“driving.”

“are you having a meltdown?”

“no,” zack says as he takes a turn. “i’m normal.”

“did you change your meds? smoke too much of jessie’s weed?”

“no.”

“no to what?”

“both,” zack laughs. “i’m fine, aerith. promise.”

“zack, you’re allergic to cats, remember? and even if you weren’t, there’s plenty of other ones you can adopt. in fact, i’ll come with you. we’ll make a whole fun trip out of it. okay? please don’t get yourself arrested over a cat.”

“i’m not gonna get arrested.”

“babe, if you showed up on my doorstep demanding that i give you my cat, i’d probably tase you and then call the cops.”

“how do you know? you don’t even have a cat.”

“zack…”

zack takes another turn, and this is when he starts to recognize the road that he’s on. his stomach drops.

“i gotta go,” zack tells aerith as he pulls into the driveway.

“zack, don’t you dare hang up on me.”

as he stares out the windshield, his brain feels fuzzy. he can so clearly see the patch of lawn that he’d been laid out on three months earlier, the spot where he’d nearly fucking bled out while cloud stood over him and ended everything.

numb, he kills the engine.

“zack, are you listening?”

“yeah,” zack says, throat dry. “sorry. i’ll call you back.”

“zack—”

zack leans over and ends the call. his car’s immediately flooded with unnerving silence.

it feels like someone’s pressing on his chest. he sucks in, threadbare.

out of anyone in the world, it was kunsel that decided to adopt fenrir?

zack sits there for a while, heart threatening to climb out of his throat. as he stares at the lawn, his ribs throb in muted, dull acceptance.

stepping out of the car, he almost feels like he’s walking through a dream. the air feels different in the daytime: it doesn’t smother him nearly as much as he’s expecting. still, as zack wanders past the lawn, he tries not to look at it for too long.

“don’t pussy out,” zack whispers to himself as he treads up the front steps.

he loves cloud, yes. he does.

however.

taking a cat from someone who’s directly connected to the most traumatizing experience of zack’s life is another story entirely.

zack stops at the front door, bites his lip. maybe he’s lucky, and he has the wrong house. that’s possible, right? maybe kunsel has a cat-obsessed neighbor who decided to take a trip to the pet store one time a month ago. totally crazy coincidence.

haha.

zack groans sickly. he knocks.

it takes a few seconds, and zack’s about to turn and bolt off the porch when the door’s pulled open. kunsel stares back at him, somewhat confused — fucking same — in a t-shirt and shorts.

they stare at each other for a long while.

finally, kunsel scratches the back of his head. “um, hi?”

“hi,” zack says stiffly. “you– you have something i want.”

kunsel looks like he wants to slam the door in zack’s face, but bless him, he doesn’t. “sorry, what?”

“your cat,” zack explains, already fully aware of how mentally unwell he looks. “i want your cat.”

“um.”

“please,” zack adds.

“do i need to call the cops?”

“no.” zack raises his hands innocently. “i’m not gonna kill you or anything over it, man. in fact, the entire drive here, i was having nothing but normal thoughts. although, i will say, i was kind of hoping you were a senile old lady who would be easy to sneak past.”

“hold on,” kunsel whispers, leaning closer. “dude. aren’t you zack fair?”

“i wouldn’t say i’m a celebrity or anything, but, yeah.”

“the guy who got stabbed at my party three months ago?”

zack smiles.

“dude.” kunsel squeezes his eyes shut. “i’m way too high for this right now.”

“sorry about that, by the way.” zack grins sheepishly. “i, um… didn’t mean to get stabbed.”

“you… should probably leave.”

“why?” zack asks, panicked. fuck, he’s not being normal enough. “kunsel, bro, you can trust me. we can even be friends, okay? i just– i need your cat. no hard feelings.”

“yeah i’m gonna call the police.”

he tries to shut the door, but zack’s quick: he grabs ahold of the frame, holds it open. kunsel opens his mouth to yell, but before anything can come out, he’s interrupted by a familiar shrill shriek, followed by the frantic thumping of tiny, stubby little legs.

zack crouches down as fenrir comes running, crashes into his legs.

“oh my god,” zack whispers, overcome with affection. he’s half-convinced that he could get away with scooping the little tuxedo kitten in his arms and making a run for it, but kunsel’s staring down at him in utter disbelief.

“i haven’t been able to get that cat to come over to me in weeks.”

“it’s kind of a long story,” zack says, scratching fenrir under his chin. “um, he’s kind of emotionally bonded with my not-boyfriend who broke up with me the night i got stabbed. for a totally unrelated reason, actually. kind of. it’s a situation, that’s for sure.”

“i’m confused.”

“well, i can’t call him my boyfriend because we’re not really dating, but i did buy us these rings—”

“not about that,” kunsel sighs, waving a hand. “tell you what. if you come in and explain everything, i won’t call the cops on you.”

“really?”

“yeah.” kunsel looks somewhat guilty. “i, um, kind of still feel bad for you getting stabbed at my party.”

“it wasn’t your fault.”

“still, i don’t know how the fuck someone like that ended up at my party. i don’t think anyone knew him.” kunsel tilts his head. “what did you say your boyfriend’s name was, again?”

“cloud. and he’s not my boyfriend,” zack clarifies. quieter, he adds, “yet.”

“what?”

“well, that’s kind of why i need this cat.”

kunsel blinks, dazed. he nudges the door open and steps back, gesturing for zack to follow him inside.

“just… come in so we can talk.”

zack straightens, steps inside hesitantly. fenrir bounds after him immediately, furiously crying. with a confused, taut frown, kunsel closes the door behind them.

it’s strange. zack had just been here a couple of months ago, and yet he doesn’t remember anything about it. it’s definitely much cleaner, devoid of people: but still, zack can’t place anything. he can’t even remember where him and cloud had gotten into a fight.

“here,” kunsel says, breezing past him. “you want something to eat? take some crackers.”

“i’m not hungry,” zack says, uncomfortable suddenly with his lapse in memory. he trails after kunsel, feeling slightly claustrophobic.

“just… eat something.” he passes a box zack’s way, followed by a glass of water. “you just seem a little manic right now and i’m kinda worried about you, man.”

“psh,” zack snorts. “i’m fine.”

“uh huh.” kunsel frowns. he takes a seat on the counter and crosses his arms over his chest. “okay. talk to me.”

zack nods. “um, so. without getting too much in detail, cloud’s kind of… been through a lot. but he’s super attached to this cat, and three months ago we kind of got into a fight. i wanna make it up to him. so—”

kunsel raises his hand. “do you want this cat, or are you only taking him as a means of winning this guy over?”

“i’m not trying to win him over,” zack says, narrowing his eyes. “i’m… taking him back. it’s different.”

kunsel stares at him. zack stares back.

“the thing is, i don’t wanna let you take this cat.”

“what?”

“not yet, anyway. it’s just… you and this guy—”

“cloud.”

“right. well, what happens if he doesn’t take you back?”

slowly, zack swallows his mouthful of food. he fixes kunsel with a dark look. even so, something twists deep in his stomach at the suggestion.

it’s entirely possible that cloud will take one look at zack and skin him alive, literally. the way they’d left things in the hospital, zack will be lucky if cloud even lets him open his mouth to speak.

kunsel watches him carefully. “i wanna help you, zack, i do. i just… i wanna be sure that this cat’s gonna have a normal, stable home. you know what i mean?”

zack rolls his eyes. “i mean, i’d be taking him, regardless.”

“you do realize how insane you sound right now, don’t you?”

zack glares at him. “no?”

he does. he’s painfully aware, now that his adrenaline’s diminished.

“listen,” kunsel says. “i don’t know you personally, but after the whole stabbing thing went down, everyone was talking. i haven’t heard one single bad thing about you. so i trust that you’re a good guy, alright? i just wanna make sure you have your head on straight.”

“so what are you saying?”

“you need to talk to cloud first.” kunsel watches fenrir run around at zack’s feet, sighs. “just… try it, at least. if things go well, that’s great. but if they don’t, i just wanna make sure you’re still gonna want this little guy after all that.”

“of course i’m gonna—”

“think about it.”

zack pouts. annoyingly, kunsel has a point. if cloud breaks his heart all over again, who’s to say that he’s gonna want any sort of reminder of him running around in the house?

god. he hasn’t even mentioned that he’s allergic. what the fuck would kunsel say if he knew zack was allergic?

“i will,” zack says instead of sharing that quirky little fact. he takes a deep breath. “you’re right. i think you’re being completely reasonable.”

“good.” kunsel smiles faintly. “just… get your shit sorted out first. i’ll give you my number, and once you guys talk, just give me a call and let me know how you’re feeling. it seems like you and cloud are pretty close, so i’m sure you’ll work it out. but in the instance that you don’t, i just wanna be sure you’re not stuck in a weird situation.”

“you’re a pretty good guy,” zack muses.

“i try.”

“no, seriously, you have great vibes. i think you and i could be friends one day. maybe—”

“zack.”

“yeah.”

“are you stalling so you don’t have to talk to cloud?”

zack slowly shoves a cracker in his mouth instead of replying.

kunsel groans. “dude. what happened to your frantic bravado?”

“um, i calmed down.” zack swallows. “it’s actually quite a harrowing thing i need to go do, now that i think about it.”

“which is why you should just go do it.”

zack taps his fingers against the counter, considering this. yet again, kunsel’s right. he’s actually quite smart, for someone that zack’s just met. it—

“zack.”

“yeah— i know. i’m going.”

Chapter Text

as zack stands in front of cloud’s front door, he is suddenly struggling to catch his breath.

his fingers toy with the letter, shoved deep in his pocket. still, it does little to soothe his nerves.

it’s been three months. a lot can change in three months. for example, it’s entirely possible that cloud has found someone else, someone who hasn’t been stabbed through the ribs by this singularity of a nightmare that swallows everything in its wake.

someone who doesn’t remind him of pain, of near total, encompassing loss.

zack slaps the sides of his face. get your shit together.

if cloud wrote this letter, it means that his feelings are true. cloud said it himself: he’d never say anything that he didn’t mean. and if he’s known that zack has loved him all this time, then who would he be to let go of those feelings so soon?

zack’s still in love with him, maddeningly so. and therefore, cloud has to feel something.

if not, zack will respect that. he’ll leave, and cloud will never have to see him again. that’s what he originally wanted, right?

no. cloud only said all that stuff because he was scared. of what, zack didn’t know back then, but now he’s had time to soak in the full capacity of cloud’s words. the letter in his pocket is proof of that.

zack takes a breath. he tries the door. it’s locked, just like that night eons and eons ago, when zack had been standing in this exact same spot. shivering, his stomach uncertain and filled with butterflies. cloud, stone-faced and sharp in the moon, wrapped in zack’s jacket and a little brown skirt.

now, the spring wind is fierce at his spine, and he’s alone.

“shit,” zack whispers.

he’s shaky, but he tries his best to ignore it.

what if cloud’s not home?

that would be unfortunate, of course. zack would rather die than have cloud catch him standing on his front step, wide-eyed and unprepared. he’d double-checked that cloud’s bike was locked up at the front, but what if someone had swung by and picked him up?

maybe cloud is seeing someone else. maybe—

no. even if that were the case, zack has a plan to win cloud over.

he has a speech planned. he’d recited it exactly forty-seven times in the car on the drive here. it’s a failsafe: moving and tender, bound to get cloud to fall apart in his arms. zack’s been working his ass off trying to think of all the right things to say, all the correct prompts and phrases that will make cloud happy as opposed to piss him off.

it’s perfect. zack knows this because he specially curated it himself.

following the ghost of his past self, zack finds himself walking toward the side stairs. they’re no longer covered in thick, white sheets of ice — the oncoming spring has made sure of that. still, they’re a harrowing sight. droplets of leftover frost trickle down the railings, plopping unceremoniously to the wet, muddy ground beneath.

zack braces a foot against the first wiry step. the metal rattles under his weight.

this path is different now, tinted by the cold breath of spring at his back. it feels almost as if it’s clawing at his spine, daring him to leave cloud and all of this behind.

still, the stairs are much easier to navigate without the snow blocking his way. zack cautiously makes his way around the looping metal, struggling not to look down as he climbs higher and higher.

cloud’s waiting for him, up ahead. that alone is enough to keep zack moving, pressing forward despite the lurch of his stomach every time the stairs so much as creak.

the kitchen window is dark. zack stands on the final step and tries to collect himself for the final time.

if he wants to turn around, now is the time: as far as he knows, he’s gone completely undetected. it would be so easy to make his way back down the stairs, get back in his car and drive far, far away.

zack feels for the loose board that he knows is beneath his feet. cloud had grabbed a spare key from it, in this same spot, long ago. at first he can’t find it and his chest pinches: maybe cloud’s been expecting zack to do something stupid like this, and maybe he’s moved the key as a result so that zack can’t find his way in.

but then his fingers close around the narrow, cold metal of the key, and zack fights off a wide smile.

“okay, cloudy,” zack whispers as he faces the keyhole. “i’m coming for you.”

he curls his fingers around the bottom of the window and pushes it open. the glass sighs breathily in the naked spring cold, weary with lack of use. this comforts zack greatly, for some reason. he quickly puts the key back where it belongs and grabs the windowsill with tense fingers, swallows his fear and pulls himself through.

zack’s not sure what he’s expecting as he pulls himself inside, but it’s certainly not the piles upon piles of empty energy drink cans littered all over the counter. they clatter noisily as he tumbles inside, swearing.

there’s no room to move. zack pushes himself off the counter as quickly as he can, awkward and clumsy: he hits the ground with a thud.

the house is intensely quiet, all of the lights turned off. zack regards this carefully and tries not to panic.

maybe—

no. there’s no way cloud’s out with someone else. he loves zack. the letter says so.

zack gets to his feet.

the coffee table is littered with torn-open mail. college admission forms, financial aid packets, bank statements. a small pile of unopened letters sits nearby. there has to be maybe five or six of them, still sealed and bearing a very obvious claudia strife in the return address.

zack runs a finger over them, heart panging viciously.

as he steps through the house, the eldritch details only get worse. empty bottles of alcohol are stacked on the floor: zack reaches down to right one that’s fallen over on its side. the small couch is unrecognizable underneath a mountain of dirty laundry.

to zack’s insurmountable, un-fucking-believable relief, there’s not a single skirt to be seen.

zack pauses to pick up a familiar article of clothing, thick and blue, the hood unmistakably downy. it’s zack’s jacket. the part of him that’s still fully functional feels a sort of shock that cloud hasn’t thrown it away by now. the other one, snagged in a sick, lovedrunk lull, makes zack press the jacket against his face.

it smells like cloud.

the world swings around him.

he never thought he’d catch cloud’s scent again, not in a million years. sometimes his mind will play tricks on him and he’ll swear he smells things that come close. his mind will chase it fervently, for a split second, before losing its trail entirely. but this is different.

this is melon and honey shampoo. this is the memory of cloud’s soft, eager mouth against his own. this is shared peach lip gloss in a stuffy room. this is cloud’s antiperspirant, his fabric softener, wide sapphire eyes like heart-shaped lakes.

zack closes his eyes.

this is home.

he lets himself drift in his memories for a second. he deserves it, after everything he’s been through to get to this point. but finally, zack lowers the jacket and sets it down carefully on the arm of the couch, over some of the heaping laundry.

he turns, tenses.

someone’s standing in the corner, watching him with eyes like cold steel. they’re wielding something sharp and long — a nail bat. zack has about one full second to throw himself back before they’re lunging, screaming, the horrifying swwsh of the nail bat slicing through the air.

it narrowly misses zack’s face. zack’s grateful for this, because as he falls back, his back slams up against the wall. beside him, the rusty nails bury themselves into the wallpaper with a hungry crunch.

zack forgets how to scream. he’s gasping, his eyes wide as he stares at the sharpened barbs — two inches away from his head. he slowly turns, his gaze sliding up the ridge of the bat, to the pale hands holding it.

the pink ring is tucked snug on cloud’s finger. zack stares at it for way too long. his heart does a kickflip.

cloud stares back at him, panting, his blue eyes dark and crazed. his eyes travel to zack’s hands immediately, softening once they hit the ring.

zack’s lungs fail.

even in the dark, cloud has never looked so beautiful. his spiky blonde hair is slightly tangled, his teeth gritting tightly against each other. he’s wearing a black sweater and drawstring pajama pants, the hems messy as if he’s just woken up from a nap. his neck’s lovely and untouched, clean of any marks.

he’s still wearing the fucking ring.

slowly, cloud’s face shifts, heartsick. zack wants to fucking cry at the sight.

“zack?”

“hi,” zack breathes, stupidly in love.

cloud gapes at him for a moment, unguarded. and then, his gaze hardens.

“i thought you were sephiroth.”

“well, at least you had one of us on your mind.”

the words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. he very nearly slams a hand over his mouth. where the hell did that come from?

cloud grits his teeth and rips the nail bat from the wall. immediately sensing inherent danger, zack descends into a stammering mess as he stumbles back, senselessly begging and bartering.

cloud stands before him: livid, breathing deep and heavy. then, he drops the bat. it clatters to the ground noisily.

but the loss of the weapon doesn’t make him any less intimidating: cloud follows him, dangerously slow. zack’s incoherent pleas for cloud to listen to him are quickly, quickly turning into breathy pleas for his life.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

cloud’s voice is deep, sharp with wrath. zack’s stomach turns, but a vein of anger flicks through, too. he licks his lips restlessly.

“i climbed through your window.”

“you broke into my house?”

this is bad.

zack’s struggling to think of something dauntless to say — something, anything that will snap cloud out of it so that he can talk to him. cloud’s closing in on him effortlessly, his face dark with rage.

“the door was locked,” zack tells him.

cloud presses in close, his eyes twisted up with pain. “i told you to stay the fuck away from me, didn’t i?”

zack had a plan, didn’t he? he had a speech he was going to recite. why the hell can’t he remember a word of it? each time he tries, he looks at cloud’s face and his brain empties itself: all of zack’s hard work gone. reduced to fucking nothing.

“you’re lucky i didn’t just put this bat through your skull. how stupid do you have to be, crawling in through my fucking window when all the lights are off? what if i hadn’t been home?”

“your bike was parked out front.”

as he stares into cloud’s eyes, a foreign sensation starts to overtake him, like someone’s just lit a fuse. zack’s heart starts to race. oblivious, cloud keeps going:

“so that makes it okay to break in? seriously, zack, do you have a single brain cell that works properly?”

zack’s blood thrums in his ears.

“you left.”

“what?”

“you left me in the hospital.” zack has no idea where this is coming from. he has almost no awareness of the words as they fall out of his mouth. as he speaks, his voice is rough, seething. “and after that, you didn’t check in once to see if i was okay.”

“i knew you were okay,” cloud snaps. “i asked tifa.”

“no, cloud.” zack’s hands are shaking uncontrollably, and he curls them into fists. a white-hot thread burns hotly in his brain, flooding every one of his senses until all he wants to do is fucking scream. “if i was okay, i wouldn’t be standing here right now hoping that your stupid ass takes me back.”

there’s an imperceptible shift in cloud’s rage. “zack. how many times do i have to say it before it sinks in? i don’t want—”

“i wasn’t finished talking.” zack’s volume is climbing dangerously high. he pushes himself away from the wall. cloud frowns, takes a hesitant step back. “for three months, i’ve been slowly forgetting the exact way your voice sounds. i’ve been having nightmares about you leaving me, over and over again.”

cloud makes an awful, strangled noise. “zack.”

“you fucking broke my heart,” zack shouts. “you broke it, and then when that wasn’t enough for you, you decided to crush the pieces, too. and then, because you still hadn’t had enough, you cut me out of your life completely.”

“what the hell did you expect me to do? act like nothing fucking happened? you got put in the hospital because of me.”

“because of you? cloud, please. it was sephiroth who put that knife in my ribs, you moron. you just stepped back and left me out to fucking dry afterwards, that’s all.”

cloud’s eyes flash furiously. he shoves zack once, hard. “shut the fuck up.”

zack shoves him back, harder. “why? feeling guilty for once?”

cloud doesn’t answer. he claws for zack’s shirt, entombed in blind rage. zack grabs cloud by his collar, and cloud stares at him emptily, challengingly — it pisses zack off even more. “you asshole, if you felt that bad about it, you should’ve stayed with me.”

“you didn’t need me!”

“i didn’t need you?” zack screams, delirious with rage. “that’s rich. must be real fucking easy to say when you’ve been doing nothing but hiding from me for three goddamn months, yeah?”

“i wasn’t hiding!”

“oh really?”

“you think i’m scared of you?” cloud leans in close, and zack’s quick to follow. they close the gap easy, their noses nearly pressed together as they scream into each other’s faces.

“you’re scared of something,” zack says, his entire body gone cold. the letter feels unnaturally heavy in his pocket.

“zack, please shut the fuck up. leaving you was the easiest fucking thing i’ve ever done.”

“you’re a shitty liar.”

“it’s the truth, and i’m sorry you’re too stupid to see anything different. why the fuck would i be scared of you?”

“because you’re in love with me.”

cloud tenses, frowns. “what?”

“i found your letter.” keeping his eyes stern on cloud’s face, zack reaches into his pocket and tears the paper free. cloud’s eyes slowly travel over to it, passive, but zack can clearly feel his heart pounding through his clothes. “and let me just say, i’m real impressed with how truly fucking insane you are. it’s just like you to hide this shit from me and then break me into a million pieces just because you have the capacity for it.”

“how the hell do you know i wrote it?”

zack grits his teeth. he rattles him around. “you signed it, moron.”

“well—”

“no. shut up, you fucking brat,” zack growls. “you’ve been talking too much for months. now it’s my turn. all you ever do is bitch at me for being stupid and it’s not fair. it’s not fucking fair that you think you get to have the last word. i’m not gonna let you.”

cloud sighs, exasperated. he sucks in through his teeth. “you took a knife because of me—”

“i took that knife for you!”

cloud releases a shuddery, pained breath. the room falls into a deafening, unbearable silence.

“and i will do it again and again and again,” zack continues, his voice breaking, “if it gets the message across to that asshole that no matter what he does, it won’t make me afraid of loving you. not today, not tomorrow, not now and not at all.”

“zack.”

“shut up. i’m in love with you, alright? i’m sorry i forgot the past three times, but that’s ‘cause i thought we both knew without me needing to say it. really. there was never one time, not once, where i didn’t look at you and know that, no matter what happens, no matter what anyone does to me, i’m fucking yours.”

“even if i’m not—”

“you are mine.” zack’s grip tightens so hard around cloud’s shirt, he’s sure he tears the fabric. still, cloud’s glaring at him, both of their chests heaving. “you’re fucking mine, cloud, and you will never belong to anyone else. not while i’m still breathing.”

cloud licks over his teeth, eyes sharp and lethal as hornets. he leans in, a dark challenge dancing across his face.

“so fucking prove it.”

zack stares at him, stunned, for maybe one full, heavy second. he thinks the fading stitches in his ribs is proof enough, but it’s obvious cloud knows that, too. cloud’s talking about something else entirely: a type of belonging that transcends mortality.

suddenly, zack’s turning fast to slam cloud up against the wall. by the time he lunges, cloud’s already beckoning him in. they kiss roughly, so fervent and crazed that zack’s pretty sure he can taste blood in the back of his throat.

the nonexistent space between them is electrified with desperation that’s been steadily growing over three months. cloud groans, reaching up to cup zack’s face in his hands: his ring skims the cusp of zack’s ear and zack’s head starts ringing.

cloud’s tongue slides easily over zack’s teeth, his breathing coming ragged and frantic already. already, and zack hasn’t even fucking started. with a low hum, zack reaches down and hooks his arms underneath cloud’s legs.

“up,” zack growls into his mouth. he can’t help the tone: underneath the wave of sweltering heat, he’s still livid.

despite their twin shapes of despair, cloud’s still seething, too: his hands claw for zack’s chest as zack skims his teeth over cloud’s tongue, his lips. every little repressed thought circulating through zack’s mind melts down in overwhelming, mindless hunger.

“i said up.”

“fuck you,” cloud says back, even as he slowly, shakily wraps his legs around zack’s waist. the added leverage helps zack cage him in against the wall that much more, his fingers digging into cloud’s thighs so roughly that he knows they’re gonna bruise.

“no. it’s your turn.”

their bodies are pressed so close that it’d be impossible for zack to miss the way cloud shudders at that. his hands slip from zack’s face to dig into his shoulders. squeezed between cloud’s knees, zack can feel the growing ridge of cloud’s hard-on through the soft fabric of his pants.

their teeth knock together as zack guides them away from the wall, holding cloud tight against him as he blindly stumbles towards cloud’s bedroom.

cloud swipes zack’s bottom lip between his teeth, sucks at it. zack’s faintly aware of cloud’s hands at the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it off. it won’t work: zack’s arms are still locked around cloud’s hips. zack’s getting sloppy with desire, one kiss landing at the ridge of cloud’s cupid’s bow.

then cloud whimpers, desperate. zack briefly considers throwing him to the floor and having his way with him right there, in the middle of the living room. but the thing is, this is the first time that cloud’s ever gonna feel zack inside of him, and zack really, really wants him to remember it.

“no,” cloud mumbles heavily as zack starts for one door. “wrong door. next one over.”

“shut up,” zack snarls as he automatically changes direction.

“idiot.”

“asshole.”

he’s going fucking crazy. zack shoves the door open so hard that it bangs off the wall. cloud dips his head to bite into zack’s neck, rough and open-mouthed and whining. zack’s already kicking off his pants as he maneuvers them towards cloud’s bed.

he slams cloud down onto the mattress. it creaks from the impact. cloud immediately reaches up and tugs zack’s shirt over his shoulders, hands shaking. zack’s the one who rips cloud’s shirt off next, throwing it carelessly to the floor.

“zack.”

“i know.”

the feeling of cloud’s bare chest against his own makes zack fucking irratic. he pushes him down, immediately gets to work on biting into his shoulder. cloud winces, but cranes his neck to make it easier. his fingers knot through zack’s hair, toying with the long spikes.

finally, cloud is all his. zack groans into cloud’s skin at the realization. this isn’t a dream: cloud’s really here, pressed underneath him like a gilded lily, and zack’s about to fuck him blind.

zack kisses him everywhere. he starts with cloud’s jaw and makes his way down. trails kisses over his collarbone, his shoulders, his sternum, his navel. zack’s teeth snag over cloud’s nipple and cloud writhes a little, pulls at his hair.

as zack grabs the waistband of his pants and starts pulling them down, cloud reaches over to grab his wrist.

zack immediately pulls away, interpreting the contact as cloud being apprehensive. he searches cloud’s face carefully, both of them gasping for breath as they stare at each other. cloud’s eyes are half-lidded with lust, cheeks flushed prettily. “you okay, sunshine?”

cloud licks lazily over his lips at the nickname. he positions himself up onto his elbows. “you gotta be careful.”

zack stares back at him, gentle. of course. this is cloud’s first time getting fucked like this: he’s bound to be nervous. he takes cloud’s hand and kisses the curve of his ring, his fingers.

“i know, baby,” zack murmurs. “i’d never hurt you.”

cloud swallows back a whine, nods. he lifts his hips and zack tugs his pants down, balls them up in a fist and tosses them off to the side. cloud’s made it easy for him, because he’s not wearing any underwear, so—

zack stares.

a little curved piercing gleams prettily off the head of cloud’s dick. it’s silver, a spiked heart. zack’s throat goes dry. he licks over his teeth, every inch of his body suddenly way too hot.

the only coherent thought crawling around in his brain is i want to put that in my mouth. he almost does, too. but instead, he slowly lifts his gaze to cloud, who’s grinning down at him.

he distinctly wonders what kind of look he must have on his face. whatever it is, cloud’s clearly obsessed.

“you doing okay?”

“what the fuck—”

“it’s a piercing.” as if zack can’t fucking see that. cloud reaches down and rubs his thumb over the barbell, something in his face twitching at the contact. zack tracks the movement like an apex predator. “that’s why i was telling you to be careful. still pretty sensitive.”

“when did you get this done?” zack asks, his voice heavy with… something. he’s so dumbfounded, he’s not even sure if he’s spoken at all. cloud watches him with a hint of amusement.

“a couple months ago. jessie did it.”

“jessie?”

“yeah.” cloud tilts his head. “it’s not that big of a deal.”

“not that big of a—” zack cuts himself off to press a balled-up fist against his forehead. in a moment of sheer resentment, he briefly considers constructing a pipe bomb.

how many times had jessie sat with him on his living room floor, silently considering the fact that she had recently pierced cloud on his dick?

and not once had she dutifully decided to break their don’t-talk-about-cloud rule to mention it? heinous bitch.

zack’s burning with questions, suddenly. he knows they’ll come back to him later, so he doesn’t focus on them right now. but a few trickle through anyway: where did you two do this. why would you ever trust jessie to pierce your genitalia. who thought of it. we stopped talking and—

“we stopped talking and you decided to handle it by getting a dick piercing?”

cloud looks startled, just a bit.

“do you not like it?”

zack stares at him for a long, long time. he stares at him for so long, in fact, that cloud starts to look apprehensive. his first thought is: you fucking idiot. his second thought is something cheap and evil.

but he thinks revenge can be a sweet little treat sometimes, in very specific circumstances.

“would you be upset if i didn’t?”

cloud searches his face, obviously very worried now. he glances back down at the piercing. “uh. no.”

“no?”

“no.” cloud’s face reddens slightly. “stop staring at me.”

zack glances at the bitemark on cloud’s shoulder. it’s already starting to fade, jagged and not nearly as deep enough as it should be.

a steady thread of dull possession creeps its way through him, but he forces it back for now. instead he sighs, presses a kiss into the inside of cloud’s thigh.

cloud has absolutely no reaction to this. when zack dips lower, licking at the soft underside of his warm, soft skin, cloud doesn’t make a sound.

“is this okay?” zack asks, just to be sure.

“yup.”

cloud sounds pissed, like he’s trying so hard not to be, and zack sucks a hickey into cloud’s hip to keep himself from laughing.

it does upset him, then. cool.

zack wraps his hands around cloud’s waist, tugs him closer. he purposely leaves cloud’s dick stranded between them, half-hard and so fucking pretty that zack could sob. he distracts himself with nipping cloud’s hipbone.

“zack,” cloud grits.

“yeah?”

“you didn’t answer me.”

zack plays dumb. he waits an appropriate amount of time before glancing up at him. “answer you about what?”

“you know what.”

cloud’s gone rigid. he has this look on his face that zack can’t exactly decipher, like he’s slowly spiraling. zack rolls visceral, soul-baring pleasure along every single edge of his being before resting his cheek against cloud’s navel. he smiles.

“what are you talking about, sunshine?”

zack can immediately see the way cloud’s face changes. he goes from flourishing doubt, to alarm, to wholly incensed, all in the span of a few seconds. unfortunately, now that zack’s got him exactly where he wants him, it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“so you don’t like it.”

“like what?”

“the piercing.”

“do you want me to like it?”

cloud stares at him, licks his lips feverishly.

zack loves it. he can’t get enough of it.

pure, unadulterated elation pulses through every single ounce of his brain. cloud’s so desperate for praise and it’s so fucking obvious.

is this how cloud felt, all those other times before? it’s addictive. zack’s barely lifted a finger and cloud’s on the verge of begging already, struggling and failing miserably to hide his torment.

“what do you want?” zack reaches up to pet cloud’s hair, would be an absolute idiot to miss the vehemence that takes shape on cloud’s face as a result. “go on and tell me, baby.”

use your fucking words for once.

when cloud speaks, it’s through clenched, strained teeth. “tell me if you like the piercing.”

zack blinks lazily. he lifts his head, directs his attention back to cloud’s dick as if he’s forgotten that it exists. cloud doesn’t miss this tiny detail, either: his fists bunch at his sides.

“well, i don’t know,” zack drawls. he ghosts a finger down cloud’s length, keeping his face level as cloud shudders underneath his touch. “it doesn’t really matter if i like it. you pierced it because you wanted to, right?”

“zack.”

zack bites down on his cheek, hard. only after a carefully stretched out moment does he press softly against the piercing.

cloud gasps. he grabs zack’s wrist immediately. zack can feel the gears turning in his brain as he stares down at him.

“i told you it’s sensitive,” cloud whispers.

“i barely touched you.”

zack’s voice is heavy, dripping with possession. the metal’s warm from cloud’s body heat, and zack wants nothing more than to roll it under his tongue. instead he digs his fingertip in, ever so slightly, reveling in the way cloud’s hand squeezes tighter around his wrist.

“zack,” cloud says again. it almost sounds like a warning, but it’s too breathy to tell.

cloud’s getting awfully hard from such a little touch.

“you want me to like it?” zack asks, heart pounding. he wants to tear cloud’s hand away and swallow his cock down, wants to do it now, but he forces himself to wait. instead, zack starts tracing lazy circles underneath the piercing, right where the metal’s been pinned through.

cloud looks dizzy. his hand loosens its grip and only then does zack shove it away. he wraps a big hand around the base, pumps it once.

“you do.” zack watches cloud’s cock spasm, watches cloud’s face twitch in uncontrollable bliss. “sunshine, why? i haven’t even had time to play with it yet.”

cloud lifts his arm to cover his eyes, but it does nothing to hide the furious blush that crawls across his face, his neck, his ears. he groans, deep and low as zack gently works him.

“no.” zack wants to see him. wants him to watch. he grabs ahold of cloud’s arm and guides it away, smirks at the glossy-eyed, vulnerably aroused angel underneath. “i want you to look at me.”

each time zack’s finger brushes against the piercing, cloud makes a tiny sound unlike anything zack’s ever heard before. he’s had cloud before but this is different: cloud’s never looked at him like this.

before, there had been a disconnect of sorts. cloud had stared at zack with some sense of belonging, but it’d never reached a full capacity. there had been a wall of hesitation that was painfully obvious, like cloud was never sure if it was what he wanted.

but now. now, cloud’s hair is tousled and his lips are still bruised from zack’s teeth. he wants zack to want him, wants it bad. and in doing so, cloud’s desire to finally belong to zack is so painfully, overwhelmingly obvious.

after everything: the games, the fights, the lunacy of it all — zack would be an idiot not to milk this for all it’s worth.

when zack finally puts his mouth on cloud’s cock, he makes sure cloud’s watching. zack starts at the base, as far away from the piercing as he can manage.

he licks an agonizingly slow stripe up the length. cloud twitches, breathing tight like someone’s squeezing the breath from him.

“why’d you get this thing, really?” zack asks, swipes the tip of his tongue over the tiny silver heart. cloud whimpers helplessly, cock straining against zack’s lips.

“because,” cloud manages through clenched teeth. he’s biting down so hard that zack’s half-worried he’ll bite his tongue. “i wanted something new. knew it would take a couple months to heal, so—”

“it’s a big commitment.” zack’s eyes are heavy on him, knowing, as he licks up a bead of precome. “modding your body like this, hoping someone will see it.”

“it’s not that big of a deal,” cloud argues, face red red red, proving each of zack’s unspoken accusations true. “besides, it looks good. i– i wanted it for when i started fucking around with other people.”

“really.” zack kisses at the piercing, does his best to ignore the sudden spike of wrathful jealousy in the pit of his stomach. “well, good for you, cloud. you’re real hot. have no idea how many people would jump at the chance to fuck you.”

it’s a mean way to get the words out of him, and zack hates every part of it, but he’s running out of options. in the haze of arousal, pretending that he doesn’t care is fucking hard.

“obviously,” cloud grits. “i could have anyone i want.”

zack realizes too late that he’s glaring. cloud’s glaring right back at him.

“anyone?” zack’s just barely keeping himself together.

“yeah.”

“someone better than me?”

“don’t know.” the corner of cloud’s mouth quirks into a smile. “you haven’t proved how much you love me yet.”

zack doesn’t give him any room to continue, because he knows that if he does, they’re gonna be here all night. he can barely take this conversation as it is. “shut up. here’s what i think, asshole — i don’t think you’d let anyone else fuck you.”

cloud’s eyes widen. “cocky, aren’t we?”

“it’s common sense,” zack seethes. “look at you, cloud. you’ve been wearing my ring all this time.”

“i’ve taken it off before.”

zack knows he’s lying. he knows he’s lying immediately, because zack has never once taken his own off, and despite everything, he knows the sentiment still hangs between them like a fucking noose.

“you have?” zack hovers over the piercing, tentatively mindful not to grab it with his teeth. “when?”

“i’ve taken it off plenty of times,” cloud says breathily. he’s a terrible fucking liar and they both know it.

even so, he barely gets the words out before zack’s on him, sliding cloud’s cock into his mouth. cloud’s next sentence is reduced to nothing but dumb stammering.

zack coos at him. eviscerated, cloud’s hand twitches out to seize zack’s hair. but zack’s faster, grabbing his wrist and holding it out of reach.

the piercing feels weird at first, an unexpected prod of metal. zack swirls his tongue over it, strangely fixated on it. cloud tries to get zack’s name out several times but fails, his angry shouts giving way to tiny, blissful pants.

zack goes down further, further, further. cloud’s silky and smooth in his mouth, a perfect weight against his tongue.

his cock pushes at the back of zack’s throat, the piercing foreign and exigent. zack chokes around it, tears warm where they’re starting to peek from the corners of his eyes.

“zack—”

zack ignores him. he grabs the base of cloud’s cock with his free hand, his ring brushing tangibly against the sensitive skin. his mouth is full, but even without words, he wants cloud to know that this is his.

with each jerk of his wrist, zack’s mind hums the same phrase, obsessive with it. all mine.

cloud melts at the contact, exactly as zack’s expecting, and this pulls a possessive growl from zack’s throat that sends chills up both of their spines.

“fuck,” cloud croaks.

zack pulls off.

his hand is coated in spit now. each slow drag of his wrist causes a loud, wet noise to echo through the room. zack’s drool is an alright means of lube, but it’s obvious that cloud’s getting overstimulated.

zack doesn’t care. he goes until cloud’s jaw is tight with pleasure, then releases his grip.

cloud chokes out at the sudden loss of sensation. he tries his best to play it cool, but really, his cock is rosy and hard and weeping precome all over.

“why’d you get the piercing?” zack asks again, tries to ignore the way his own cock strains against his stomach. when cloud doesn’t immediately answer him, he reaches over and twirls a fingertip against the metal.

the shiver that wracks cloud’s body renders him unable to speak. still cloud lifts his hand. unveils his middle finger.

okay.

zack grabs ahold of cloud’s legs, edges them slightly open. to his amusement, there’s absolutely no resistance. cloud’s clearly hyperfocused on not losing his vulnerable mind at the feeling of zack’s fingers, toying with the piercing.

“tell me.” zack pulls back, briefly, to admire the sight laid out before him.

“i think you know why,” cloud barely manages. he’s gritting his teeth, and the words can barely make their way out.

he somehow still looks so cocky, laid back against the pillows like this, flushed and clearly being backed slowly but surely into a corner. which is fine, for now. zack’s starting to get a good idea of how he can force him to talk.

but first, he needs to find lube. cloud’s acting like a prick, sure, but this entire experience is going to be so much more enjoyable for zack if he’s able to be as infuriating as possible.

so zack leans over cloud’s heated body, gaze heavy on him. he kisses at cloud’s throat, can’t help but laugh softly at the hitched gasp this produces. then he’s lifting his head to whisper in cloud’s ear, all hot and heavy and totally, totally innocent. “you have lube, right, baby?”

one of cloud’s hands twitches out, impulsively, to form a shaky claw in the small of zack’s back. “d–dresser.”

zack reaches over in a valiant search. when he finally finds the bottle, it’s small and half-empty and strawberry flavored, which is so unexplainably hot that zack’s grinning as he cages cloud into the tiny mattress beneath them.

cloud watches him with a slight pout. his lips are red and raw from the shape of zack’s kisses, mouth hanging open slightly as zack dribbles lube onto his fingers.

to be honest, zack’s not sure how to feel. he’s wanted cloud like this for so long that it’s started to feel like an unachievable dream. but now, as zack gives him a knowing, dark look — now, as cloud shivers and opens his trusting legs—

“you look so good.” zack hooks one finger down, makes slow, soothing circles around cloud’s rim. cloud’s abs clench involuntarily. “doing okay?”

cloud nods once, flushed.

zack’s cock is already stiff, but it seems to harden evermore as he stares hungrily at cloud’s body. the room’s tinged with the scent of strawberry and it’s making him dizzy. slow, he wedges his first finger inside.

when cloud’s body swallows up the digit immediately, zack automatically sinking to the second groove of his finger, he finds himself holding his breath in a wave of shock.

“cloudy,” zack coos. “what’s this, baby?”

cloud lifts a hand to cover his face. automatically he goes tight around zack’s finger, so wet and soft that zack feels shaky all over. dumbly, he wonders what it’ll feel like once he’s inside.

“what were you doing when i got here?” zack asks, genuinely curious. cloud doesn’t answer with words, but his knees knock together as he squirms under the weight of zack’s knowing gaze. “were you…”

“stop,” cloud shouts. he peeks at zack through his fingers, face shining crimson. “no. i wasn’t.”

he’s lying, yet again. zack wants to take him all for himself and leave absolutely nothing behind. he emphasizes this by slowly, patiently sliding another finger in.

this one, too, is immediately welcomed: he sinks right down to his knuckles. zack can’t help the low, amused laugh that falls out of his mouth.

“the lube was pretty close by,” zack notes.

“shut up, idiot.”

“and i never did think about it, but why else would you not have immediately heard me break into your house if you weren’t distracted by something?”

“shut up.”

“were you fingering yourself?” zack asks. knows already, but wants to hear it straight from cloud’s mouth.

of course, cloud makes it a challenge. he shakes his head.

“oh,” zack sighs, tries to sound disappointed as he steadily fucks his fingers up into cloud’s prostate. “it just seems that way, that’s all. you took me in really fast.”

he’s obsessed with each groove, each warm throb around his fingers. zack kinda gets lost in it for a second, playing around inside cloud and trying to touch every little ridge.

cloud’s staring at zack’s face through his fingers. zack wonders what expression he must have. he’s definitely drooling a little, but how the fuck could he not?

“i wasn’t thinking about you,” cloud manages.

zack grins at this. “i never said you were.”

now, he knows for certain. now, zack thrusts his fingers around tactfully. cloud writhes under him, choking back a moan.

“let me ask you again,” zack says, very patient. “why’d you get that piercing?”

“you’re on this again?”

there’s a secret method that zack has yet to unleash on him. he glances down at his ring finger, the pink ceramic tucked close to his knuckle like a concealed weapon.

“answer me.”

“no.”

zack uncurls his finger. the ring gleams. carefully, he edges it inside. cloud keeps his face neutral to the best of his ability, but the moment the ring slips past his rim, cloud gasps.

“my baby,” zack coos. cloud’s breathless. “you like how that feels?”

cloud bites down, hard. precome spills onto his tummy.

“cloud.” zack twists his wrist, ring curling meanly against cloud’s heat. this time, cloud does groan, his legs spreading even wider.

zack can see everything now. he hums, grabs the lube with his free hand.

impatiently, he drizzles long stripes on cloud’s thighs, his dick. puts some more on his fingers, too, fucks the lube deep inside.

cloud’s not gone yet, but he’s on his way there. his frenzied pants get louder: he rocks his hips on zack’s fingers, and in return, zack makes sure that cloud can feel every fucking centimetre of the ring.

“fucking yourself to the thought of me,” says zack, tries to sound as bored as he can. if the look on cloud’s face means anything, it’s that this specific vocal tone clearly does something to him. “and i get no part in it. not even a video, cloudy?”

“i did,” cloud moans, hand momentarily falling from his face so that zack can hear him better.

“fuck yourself?”

“take a video.”

zack goes tight with arousal.

“you took a video?” zack asks, stunned. his fingers momentarily slow their pace. cloud whines: he reaches down and starts moving zack’s wrist for him, weakly fucks his fingers in and out.

zack lets him, staring blankly and emptily as he tries to process the images that suddenly ambush him.

“zack,” cloud moans hopelessly. “please.”

“you took a video.”

“yes, i took a fucking video. i already had my phone out ‘cause i was watching that one video i took of you.”

zack slowly, shakily lifts his fist to his mouth.

“zack please.”

zack blinks as he siphons back to reality. he starts pumping his fingers again, spreads them wide. cloud keens under him, lifts his hips so that zack has better access.

“shit,” zack growls. he fucks him fast, manic. “that’s— fuck.”

“sometimes i suck on my ring ‘cause i can’t stay quiet.”

zack’s entire body goes hot all over.

“fuck.”

“you like that?” cloud asks, coy.

“i do,” zack says, fingers sore from how roughly he’s pushing them up inside. “gonna fuck you so rough, cloudy. i’m gonna fucking ruin you.”

cloud smirks at this. he hides it fast, so fast that zack immediately convinces himself that he’s imagining it.

“first i wanna know why you got this piercing, though.”

cloud sighs. “zack…”

zack seizes cloud’s cock, starts pumping. he rubs his thumb over the piercing, an itch he never gets sick of relieving. cloud’s eyes roll back, moaning obscenely loud.

“still don’t wanna talk?” zack’s forcing himself to stay calm now, even as his own cock throbs dangerously close towards release.

“zack.”

cloud’s willpower is one of steel, truly. but for the first time, zack’s watching it slowly come apart. he can feel cloud getting harder, his body getting dangerously tight.

right before cloud can come, zack stops moving.

cloud sobs. he rocks his hips uselessly, but without the sensation of zack’s fingers, there’s no steady pleasure.

“no,” cloud whines. “no, zack. please.”

“oh,” zack says, feeling overwhelmingly victorious. “you wanna come?”

cloud lifts his head to glare at him. his eyes are glossy with tears, with full-body arousal. unfortunately for him, zack’s not intimidated in the slightest.

“tell me what i wanna hear, and maybe i’ll let you.”

cloud groans. his head falls back against the pillows. “fuck off, zack, that’s mean.”

“for some reason i don’t feel bad,” zack muses, his brain bitterly flipping through several scenarios where cloud’s done the same thing, if not fucking worse.

then, when cloud’s least expecting it, zack starts pumping his fingers again. cloud lets out a sound that sends electric shocks through zack’s bloodstream.

he wants to pull so many more of those noises out of him.

“piercing,” zack reminds him, flicking his thumb over the little silver heart.

“fuck…” cloud gasps, shaking against zack’s hand. “you.”

zack sighs. keeping his fingers at a steady, slow pace, he leans down and sucks the piercing up into his mouth. cloud shouts, and suddenly it’s impossibly hard for zack to move his fingers at all. so once again, he stops.

“i hate you,” cloud pants, even as zack throats him. his tongue plays around the head as zack hollows out his cheeks and swallows around him. “zack. zack—”

zack has to force himself to pull off, to remove his fingers completely.

never before has he wanted to be inside something so fucking badly. if cloud was any more agreeable, he’d flip him over onto his belly and give it to him. but cloud’s challenging and insufferable and zack wants to make him cry.

“say it,” zack says tightly.

cloud rubs a heavy hand over his face. it’s obvious that he’s embarrassed to admit it. even more obvious that he’d rather be gagged than have to say it out loud. which is why, when zack slowly looks down at his hand, cloud’s eyes follow the path with a growing sense of mortification.

“what if you had something in your mouth? i bet you’d say it then, if it was muffled.”

cloud chews on his bottom lip. still, as zack grabs his jaw, cloud opens his mouth for him. zack slips his ring finger inside, feels starved all over at the feeling of the ring knocking against cloud’s teeth.

zack watches him. cloud takes it in slow as he gets used to the taste of himself, the hints of strawberry mixed between. when zack slips a second finger inside, cloud starts sucking feverishly, venal.

“give me yours,” zack says, throat dry.

cloud’s eyes roll back at the implication, but he lifts his hand.

zack groans. he takes cloud’s fingers into his mouth, hooks his tongue over the ring. the ceramic’s warm from cloud’s body heat, solid and promising.

then, when cloud’s gotten a good eyeful, zack uses his free hand to curl three fingers up inside again, all at once.

cloud sobs against zack’s fingers, swallows them down to muffle it. he shuts his eyes.

“say it,” zack demands as he sucks cloud’s finger. the ring keeps knocking against his teeth and it’s making him fucking crazy. “please, sunshine, i wanna let you come.”

the thing is, now cloud’s found himself in a new dilemma entirely. each time he tries to speak, zack chokes him with his fingers. cloud seizes zack’s wrist, tries to pry it out of his mouth, but zack doesn’t budge.

“baby,” zack says again, smiling darkly. he makes slow, lazy circles around cloud’s prostate. “what’s wrong? mouth too full?”

cloud can barely breathe, let alone speak, but somehow zack still understands the muffled fuck that spills out of his mouth.

all around zack’s submerged fingers is tight, trembling heat: cloud’s eyes keep going unfocused, hazy with pleasure.

zack works him like this for a while, hands full. with one hand, he chokes cloud, and with the other, he digs around and strokes.

finally, zack slightly pulls his fingers from cloud’s throat and stares down at him.

“sun—”

“i got it for you.”

an all-consuming, triumphant heat fills zack’s chest. he grins. “yeah?”

“yeah,” cloud mutters, glancing off to the side. then zack’s pressing the ring into cloud’s tongue with one hand, curling his wrist with the other. cloud coils around him, twitches tellingly.

“that wasn’t so hard, huh?”

cloud opens his mouth to answer, but no words come.

“i’m gonna come,” he says instead.

zack quickens his pace, pushing incessantly against the growing resistance until cloud’s head collapses back against the pillows. a solid sheet of bliss passes onto cloud’s face, and zack throbs at the sight.

he wonders if it felt good, deep down, to make that confession.

when cloud finally comes, he shouts zack’s name like a punch. it spills up onto his abs, long strings of come stretching as far as his chest. the entire time, cloud’s sucking on zack’s fingers, tasting the ring. zack fingers him through the entirety of his orgasm, his body so taut that it’s almost unbearable.

zack tips his head down, licks the come off cloud’s sternum. it tastes good, better than zack remembers. salty, light and so formidably cloud. his brain hums happily.

cloud murmurs something, clearly dazed.

“i know, baby. you did so good.” zack swipes some more up with his tongue, pulls his fingers from cloud’s mouth. then he’s crawling up towards him, and cloud’s opening his mouth instinctively. zack pushes his tongue inside, lets cloud suck it clean.

then they’re kissing, overwrought. zack hovers over him, both hands pressed roughly onto either sides of cloud’s head. their chests are nearly flush against each other: zack can feel the sticky slide of come against his skin, doesn’t fucking care in the slightest.

“i like it,” zack tells him then, low.

“the piercing?”

“yes.” zack shifts to bite at the underside of cloud’s jaw, sucks a sloppy hickey into it. “you’re so hot, sunshine, it’s not fair.”

cloud goes limp with relief. he groans. “you like it.”

“yeah. looks so fucking good on you.”

when zack pulls back, cloud’s smiling. it’s cute — zack almost gets butterflies when he sees it. and then, as zack’s leaning in to kiss him again, he’s stopped by the feeling of cloud’s hand wrapping around his cock.

“hi,” zack says, startled. it’s a stupid reaction. he kinda wants to punch himself in the face.

cloud’s staring at him heavily, imploring. zack straightens immediately, blindly grabs the lube from where it’s been left discarded in the sheets nearby. when he squirts it over his dick, it’s kind of cold. cloud makes quick work of warming it up, his eyes glazing slightly as he does.

then he lets go, frames himself back against the pillows. zack immediately cages him in, cock in hand.

“just wanna confirm,” zack murmurs as he presses it against cloud’s rim. “no one’s been inside you, right?”

cloud nods, tight, eyes wide.

“i’m the first?” just the subtle feeling of cloud’s body heat rolling over zack’s cock already has him weak. at the same time, there’s a dawning realization that this is gonna be his first time inside someone like this, too. “you want me to be?”

“yeah,” cloud says, inhaling sharply. “i want it to be you.”

zack shudders. a mixture of overwhelming love and nervous excitement twists viciously inside him.

“don’t come yet,” cloud says then, smirking knowingly. “it’ll feel better if you do it inside.”

zack stares blankly. “shut up.”

“right. sorry.”

as zack lines himself up, the featherlight sensation is enough to make both of them groan. zack takes cloud’s hand, lifts it to his mouth and kisses the inside of his wrist. cloud flushes all over, stammers out something stupid.

zack swirls his tongue over cloud’s fingers with a heated sigh. cloud curls them into his mouth, swallows when zack bites down on the ring. then, zack pushes in.

the heat hits him first. zack moans around cloud’s finger, dizzy. it’s a vacuum of delirious fever.

he cautiously rocks his hips back and forth, inching his way inside. cloud’s soft and warm like molten honey. it’s staggering. zack’s mouth goes slack.

“y–you okay?” zack asks, somewhat indiscernible.

cloud blinks groggily. his legs spread even wider.

zack nods at this as if cloud’s just spoken hallowed scripture. he pushes deeper, groans throatily. everything’s all hot and pulsing, tightly suctioned around him like a sleeve.

then cloud clenches around him, tentative. zack sways, head falling forward onto cloud’s shoulder.

cloud’s heart is thudding. “do i– do i feel—”

“so good,” zack sighs happily. “you feel so fucking good, sunshine. i’m almost pissed that you kept it all to yourself for this long.”

“go—” cloud licks over his lips, pants. “go slow. you’re… really big.”

zack wants to laugh, kinda, but he’s so blinded by sudden lust that he instead has to restrain himself from fucking up deep. because he’s annoying, he asks, “i am?”

cloud sighs, exasperated. “shut the fuck up.”

zack sits up, smiling. he grabs cloud’s thighs and slowly holds them apart. below, cloud watches him with increasingly open trust. zack tugs out carefully, only to fall back inside only seconds later, each thrust getting deeper and deeper.

“zack,” cloud gasps. his eyelids slowly fall shut. “fuck.”

zack feels ragged. he watches his cock edge in and out, over and over again. it’s covered in a shiny, unmistakable sheen of wetness and really, it takes everything in zack’s power not to come right on the spot.

“cloudy,” zack breathes.

only when he bottoms out does he start picking up his pace. zack’s utterly lovedrunk, chanting cloud’s name as he sinks into him. the lube trickles between their joined hips, sticky and subtle.

“y–you feel so good,” cloud stutters, almost stunned.

zack fights another white-hot wave of arousal. “yeah?”

“t–taking care of me so—”

“don’t say that,” zack grits, tense all over. his balls are getting uncomfortably tight. “gonna make me come.”

“then come.”

“too early.” zack can barely speak. he tries to slow down but then cloud’s reaching over, prying zack’s hand from his thigh. he interlocks their hands, and the moment their rings knock together—

zack’s gone. he shouts cloud’s name as his orgasm hits. everything’s white: zack swims through the aftershocks with a series of pants, hopelessly aware of cloud constricting around him. he sways in place, holds onto cloud to ground himself.

mine.

zack’s never felt so happy in all his life.

“missed you,” zack groans before he can stop himself. “i love you. hated being away from you.”

“really?” cloud pants, face twisted up in pleasure. he looks cute like this. nowhere to run, stretched out and shaking on zack’s dick.

zack nods, delirious. “was so happy… when i found the letter. i love you so much.”

“yeah?”

cloud cracks his eyes open to stare at him. he’s not smiling, not quite, and it makes zack lightheaded. immediately, zack slows. his heart is unbearably sore.

suddenly, all he wants is to hear cloud say it back.

cloud knows it, too. it’s obvious, the way he suddenly refuses to meet zack’s eyes. instead he stares at zack’s body, the healing scab at his ribs.

cloud looks unbearably upset. zack stops moving entirely, his heart lodged somewhere in his throat.

“cloudy—”

“i’m not gonna say it back,” cloud tells him. “i can’t.”

“why?”

“because you—” cloud shakes his head. he laughs, miserably, throws a hand over his eyes. “god, zack, you say you love me, but how could you love me when all i do is hurt you?”

“no, baby. no.” zack reaches down to cup both sides of his face. “don’t say that.”

“all i do is get in your way.” cloud stares at him now, eyes shining angrily. “if you’d never met me, you wouldn’t be permanently marred with this— fuck, this scar—”

maybe zack should’ve covered it up. maybe if he’d kept his fucking shirt on, it would’ve been better for the both of them.

“i don’t care about that,” zack strains. “cloud, the only thing i care about is that you’re here and you’re safe.”

“i’m safe, sure,” cloud snaps. “but what about you, you fucking idiot? were you safe when he stabbed you? were you safe when i was yelling at you, and you were pretending that you weren’t hurt so— fucking what, so that i wouldn’t get angry with you for it?”

“i hid it because i didn’t want to scare you.”

cloud exhales shakily. “you can try and protect me as much as you want, zack, but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t protect yourself, too.”

zack stares down at him, mindless suddenly. cloud reaches up to run a thumb over zack’s cheek.

“your heart is so big,” cloud whispers. “there’s no way it can only belong to me, zack. that would be so, so selfish of me.”

“i want you to have it,” zack whispers back. he swallows around a lump in his throat. “don’t you fucking get that?”

“i don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“stop.” zack pulls him in close, kisses the top of his head. “cloud, i love you. i don’t need a reason to love you. i love you because i do.”

“that’s not enough.”

it stings, but if zack knows anything, it’s that cloud has no fucking idea what he’s talking about. he knows cloud loves him back. if he didn’t, they wouldn’t be here right now. zack wouldn’t be inside of him, wouldn’t be—

“fuck this,” zack says. he stutters his hips and cloud hisses, grasps zack’s waist. “no matter what i say, it’s not gonna get through to you. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings, cloud, and that’s fine.”

zack will pry them from him like teeth.

as he starts rocking his hips again, cloud’s breath leaves him in a rush. the last of zack’s restraint hits him hard behind his chest, and zack just barely keeps it under control.

“okay?” zack whispers, just to be sure.

“fuck me,” cloud demands.

zack growls. something inside him snaps like a wire. he pushes cloud down against the mattress, pins him in place by his slender waist. the frame creaks noisily with each thrust.

zack fucks him deep, full and possessive and sure. cloud’s moaning in his ear, face buried in his neck. this bed’s way too small for the both of them, but it works for now, their bodies pressed so closely that zack can’t see straight.

“zack,” cloud moans, pitched and noisy and unbearably needy. “please—”

“you love me,” zack grits. the slow pull of cloud’s body is intoxicating. zack gracelessly swims inside it, tumbles around in his own head like he’s trying to drown.

“do…i?” cloud pants.

the noisy, wet sound of zack’s balls slapping against cloud’s ass fills the entirety of the room, and their combined moans on top of it make the space feel that much more cramped.

his heart is hopelessly pinned in place. zack will keep pushing at it until it gives.

zack leans over to kiss him, rough, biting. they’re so close but it’s still, somehow, not enough at all. zack wants to climb inside his skin, burrow his way into cloud’s soul.

“i love you,” zack groans. cloud goes stiff under him, and oh, zack knows that feeling. cloud gets tight, almost excruciatingly so. zack says it again and again.

finally, cloud comes with a scream. zack fucks him through it, slow, his legs shaking with restraint.

“you like hearing me say it?” asks zack. cloud blinks at him, dazy, struggling to come back to the surface. as clarity begins to fill his face again, zack kisses his cheek. “i love you, cloudy.”

cloud opens his mouth to argue, but zack pushes hard against his prostate. that, combined with the oversensitivity of his recent orgasm, seems to temporarily stun cloud into silence.

right there, then.

zack keeps a constant rhythm. he digs his nails into cloud’s waist, holds onto him for life as he sinks viciously inside, over and over again. distantly, he can feel the ghostly reaches of another orgasm. he ignores it, stares down at cloud’s bruised mouth.

“i—” cloud stares up at him, cheeks horribly red.

zack raises an eyebrow. a wave of guilt rides over him suddenly, but he forces his way through it. “what was that, sunshine? couldn’t really hear you.”

cloud’s fingernails dig their way through the sheets.

“um.”

“come on, baby. i wanna hear it.”

cloud shudders. “i… love you.”

happiness hits zack’s senses like a strong, bold strike. punch-drunk, obsessed with the sound of those words on cloud’s lips, zack feels himself slowly starting to smile wide.

he loves me. he loves me, he does.

“yeah?” zack whispers, fond. then, darkly: “say it again.”

the moment the words spill out of cloud’s mouth for the first time, there’s an obvious shift. it almost seems as if someone’s shattered a valve on his reservations and now cloud’s pouring with it, desolate and so full of love, it hurts them both.

“i love you,” cloud says, more certain this time.

“again,” zack demands. he sinks into cloud angrily, desperate. cloud’s shouting his name stupidly loud now, voice breaking and edging into a sob.

“i— fuck,” cloud pants. “i wanna wake up to you. i want you to make me breakfast and— and play with my hair and hold my hand. i wanna hear about your day, the good and the bad. fuck, zack, i wanna belong to you. i—”

his voice snaps painfully. zack stills. he cups cloud’s cheek in his hand, breathless. his tears are hot where they trickle along zack’s thumb.

“i don’t wanna be afraid anymore.”

“cloudy.”

“i want it to be you.”

all of the breath leaves zack’s lungs in a single, brutal breeze. he can’t take this: cloud’s watching him through a sea of tears, squinting like he can barely see zack through the rift.

zack wipes them away.

“you have me,” zack whispers. “now and forever, i’m yours.”

cloud nods, teeming with elation. their foreheads bump together and cloud laughs, wraps his arms around zack’s neck. “me too.”

zack’s heart stutters, stupidly. “y– what?”

cloud smirks at the tone in his voice. he kisses zack slow, feverish.

all yours, he mouths, directly against the ridge of zack’s mouth, so firm and pure that zack comes at the feeling of it, his fingers digging pathetically rough into cloud’s waist.

it’s overpowering, his heart swelling throughout his entire body. cloud worries his fingers through zack’s hair, murmuring soothingly to him as he rides the aftershocks. spent, zack teeters in place before flopping unceremoniously beside him.

cloud immediately curls into him, sighs contentedly.

“cloudy,” zack whispers.

“mm.”

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.”

zack shudders around a grateful sigh. he squeezes cloud to him, makes an awful tiny noise when cloud does the same. they lie there for a while, breathing each other in and feeling the warm exchange of their bare chests pressed against each other.

on the cusp of sleep, zack mumbles, “we should probably get cleaned off.”

“yeah,” cloud agrees, continues to lie heavy as a stone beside him.

zack loops his hand through cloud’s, and their rings slot together like they’ve never once been apart. entangled, they sleep.

cloud rings the doorbell over seven times.

zack grabs his wrist, tugs him away. “stop. don’t be annoying.”

“i’m not being annoying,” cloud snaps, glaring. “i’m making my presence known.”

“he knows we’re here. i texted him earlier.”

“then why isn’t he at the door waiting for us?”

“because the world doesn’t revolve around us, maybe?”

“you know what, zack? maybe you sh—”

they’re interrupted by the door opening. kunsel stands there, staring at the both of them with an air of disbelief. he stares at cloud’s blue pleated skirt, his black crop top. then, zack’s black sweatshirt that reads, respectfully, big dick is back in town. their interlocked hands.

“gay people,” kunsel sighs. he says it like an old man who doesn’t understand why teenagers act the way they do.

“we’re here for my cat,” cloud snaps. his eyes are heedy on the space behind the door, as if fenrir’s being held prisoner somewhere inside. zack elbows him, hard. cloud stomps on his foot. they both hold vastly different degrees of eye contact with kunsel the entire time.

“yeah, yeah, the cat, i’m vaguely aware of it.” kunsel’s already stepping aside. zack starts to utter out a thank you, but cloud shoves past them and disappears inside. he’s already making cooing noises, clicking his tongue as he tries to find fenrir.

kunsel turns to look at zack. zack smiles awkwardly, curtsies. immediately wants to kill himself.

“so i see the make-up sex went well.”

“something like that,” zack sighs as he follows kunsel inside.

“i was surprised you didn’t call me sooner.” the house smells vaguely like pizza, stale weed. as they pass the living room, zack eyes a half-eaten pepperoni pizza lying abandoned in the middle of a table. kunsel’s watching sailor moon, which zack forces himself to be normal about.

“we had to have a long talk about it first,” zack tells him. “cloud’s gonna be moving out of state in a few months, give or take. fenrir’s gonna be staying at my place.”

“my guy.” kunsel stops, holds up his hand. “you went through all this shit for a guy who won’t even be around to help you take care of the cat?”

“we have strict visitation rights,” zack jokes. “cloud gets to facetime him every tuesday.”

“gay people.”

they find cloud sprawled out on the kitchen floor, rolling a cat toy across the ground. fenrir’s wildly chasing it, his tail curled high and happy in the air. cloud’s laughing, his smile not fading a single watt as he beams down at the little cat. zack watches them, punch-drunk with endearment.

“i can see your entire ass right now, dude,” kunsel says.

“so take a picture,” cloud says, tone clipped. if looks could kill, kunsel would probably drop dead to the floor. “say, what kind of food have you been feeding fenrir? his nose is a little dry. feeding him some cheap shit because you spend too much on weed?”

zack quickly steps in, laughing awkwardly. “ooo-kay. anyway, bros, why don’t we talk about something really interesting and delightful? like, the weather. everyone loves talking about the weather. how about that weather?”

cloud’s still glaring at kunsel. “shut up, zack.”

“yes baby.”

kunsel pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers. with an exasperated groan, he turns and walks towards the stairs. “i have some stuff for fenrir upstairs. i’ll help you guys bring it out to your car.”

“thank you,” zack says, as sweetly as possible. the moment he’s gone, zack takes two wide steps into the kitchen and grips cloud by his ear, pulls him up to attention. “hey, asshole. you wanna watch your mouth a little?”

“it’s not my fault that this guy has absolutely no idea how to properly care for a living creature.”

“you’re just mad he adopted fenrir.”

cloud frowns at this. for lack of a better answer, he says, “so?”

“so, you have no idea the lengths i took to get him to hand over fenrir,” zack grits. “it was infuriating. i nearly broke my back for your sake.”

“try again,” cloud says. “wedge texted jessie, who texted aerith, who, immediately after getting off the phone with you, called the pet store and had marlene dig through the adoption files to find kunsel’s phone number, and then aerith called kunsel, who explained that he was ‘totally chill’ with giving you the cat as long as you and i got our shit sorted out. also, kunsel was greatly convinced that we’re both mentally unwell and should probably seek psychiatric treatment of some sort.”

zack stares at him.

“aerith manipulated a four year old into committing espionage?”

cloud makes a face. “you’re surprised?”

“wait, hold on. how do you know all this?”

“no reason,” cloud says immediately, turning back to fenrir. zack keeps a firm grip on his ear as he stares off into space, as if holding a dog very loosely by its collar.

“who told you? aerith or jessie?”

“reno, actually.”

“how the hell does reno play into all this?”

“well, aerith told tifa, who… i don’t know if that went anywhere, actually. tifa and jessie hate each other. so aerith must have also told jessie, who told reno, who immediately called me seven times back-to-back and when i didn’t answer, he texted me that he had blackmail on you. so of course, i called him back immediately.”

zack narrows his eyes. “was this before or after i fucked your brains out?”

“which time?” cloud asks, flashing him a devilish grin.

“the good time.”

“i don’t know, i think you bending me over in the shower the morning after and begging me to be your boyfriend was pretty good. also, it was before.” cloud pauses. “wait. are you saying that sex with me isn’t always good, you fucking prick?”

“you knew i was being manic over your cat the entire time i was fucking you?”

“i’m back,” kunsel says, less to announce his arrival and more to alert them that they need to shut the fuck up. he sounds strained. zack and cloud turn just in time to see him set down an obscenely large cat tree that has no chance of fitting in zack’s car.

cloud scrutinizes it with a scowl. he says, “only six platforms?”

kunsel ignores him, which is probably the smartest thing anyone’s ever done. he crosses the room and starts rifling through the kitchen cabinets. “i’ve been working at balancing how much dry and wet food to give him per meal, so i have a lot of both. you guys shouldn’t have to worry about food for a while.”

“well, obviously you’re doing a terrible job,” cloud calls. “no wonder his nose is so fucking dry. do you even have a diet plan set up for him yet?”

kunsel cranes his head to stare at zack. “and you’re dating this one because…”

“i’m hot and i give good head,” cloud says. “also, i have a fantastic personality.”

“sure,” kunsel mutters disparagingly as he turns back to the cabinets.

zack’s left grinning at the fact that, hell yeah, he’s dating cloud. who would’ve fucking thought? not him, that’s for sure. zack’s worked so hard to get to this point and he is so proud of himself.

zack crouches down beside cloud, who’s still shooting daggers at kunsel. he places a deliberate hand on cloud’s thigh, and cloud immediately turns to look at him. zack kisses him slow, proprietorially. he can feel the immediate heat as it climbs up cloud’s face, warms the back of his neck.

“i love you,” zack says, a whisper against cloud’s teeth.

cloud splutters, flustered.

“hey guys,” kunsel groans. “i’m still here, you know.”

the airport is stuffy, full of too many people, too many doors, and too many sounds. zack feels increasingly claustrophobic as he stands beside jessie, who’s leaned over the receptionist desk, flashing her most charming smile.

“no,” the receptionist — kelly, states her nametag — tells her, final.

“come on, kelly, don’t be a bitch,” jessie says, sultry.

kelly raises an eyebrow. she looks at zack, who’s dying of acute asphyxiation underneath the weight of cloud’s bags. he’s somehow balancing three backpacks on his broad shoulders and gripping two rolling suitcases in his sweaty, exhausted hands.

his nose is stuffy, too, because he’d cried during the entire drive here while cloud sat next to him, stone-faced and silent.

for some reason, there was this girl at the entrance who thought zack crying while holding all of cloud’s bags was hot and fawned over him for about two minutes before cloud happily told her about the violent, animalistic car sex they’d had about eight hours prior.

“ma’am,” kelly grits, remarkably patient, “i’m sorry, but you can’t all enter the terminal. it’s policy. if you are a loved one, you can get a non-passenger escort at the ticket counter.”

“what if we’re in a seven-person polyamory relationship? what would you say to that?”

“good luck,” kelly says, firm. she directs her attention to an elderly couple standing behind them. “next.”

“i really think they should make it legal to strangle people,” jessie tells zack as they make their way back over to the waiting area. cloud looks so small in the plastic chair he’s curled up in. he’s currently staring at his sneakers as he swings them back and forth.

tifa’s seated beside him, aerith in her lap. they’re currently perusing through a magazine that looks incredibly, mind-numbingly boring. the moment jessie perceives them together, she grinds her teeth together so hard that zack can hear it from where he’s huffing, dragging cloud’s luggage along.

biggs and wedge are huddled together a few seats down, gawking at BL manga.

as they get close, tifa perks up. “what’d they say?”

“only one of us can go with him to the terminal,” jessie says with a sigh. she crosses her arms. “there’s seven of us. how the hell do they expect us to pick one person out of seven?”

everyone stares at her blankly. eventually, jessie turns to look at zack.

“what are you guys talking about?” jessie asks rhetorically, even though nobody has said anything at all, “i totally think zack should be the one who walks cloud to his gate.”

“what does he need to do?” aerith asks.

jessie shrugs a shoulder. “pick up some stupid ticket, or something.”

“why don’t you leave the luggage here?” tifa urges zack, smiling as sensitively as possible. she’d been the one force-feeding him tissues in the car. “i’ll watch over everything for you. go get your ticket.”

zack sniffs. “you know, you guys don’t have to act like i’m some overly sensitive, doting boyfriend. i have no problem letting cloud carry his own things.”

cloud lifts his head, glances up at zack with an expression that could, hypothetically, be perceived as disappointed. in favor of overthinking and letting his own anxieties get the better of him, zack immediately backtracks. “i– i was kidding. i wanna carry all your things. it’s my responsibility as your boyfriend.”

“zack—”

“i wanna do it. i love you.”

“i liked you two better when you were in denial,” jessie sighs dramatically as she flops down into one of the empty seats. “you used to be fun to mess with. now you’re both, like, sappy and married or whatever.”

“we’re not married,” cloud snaps, shooting her a dark look.

jessie grins. “except for that. you’re still easy to tease and it delights me very much.”

“leave him alone.” tifa turns to jessie in dismay. “can’t you see that he’s distressed?”

cloud immediately jumps to defend himself. “i’m not distressed.”

without looking up from the magazine, aerith reaches over and gives cloud a reassuring pat on the knee. cloud looks at her like he wants to argue, but because it’s aerith, he doesn’t.

eventually, zack goes to get his escort pass. he goes only because aerith offers to walk with him, and the entire journey is spent with her hanging on his arm and talking about things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, like how almond milk is arguably better than oat milk. zack’s barely listening but he very greatly appreciates her.

cloud’s barely spoken a word to him, and zack understands why, but he kind of wishes that cloud would say something. it’d make zack feel better to hear that this is something cloud actively wants, as opposed to spiraling and assuming that cloud’s only doing this to keep his distance, still, after all the security-affirming talks they’ve had.

because that would be insane. cloud would never do something like that.

the others say goodbye to cloud at security. it’s tearful. wedge and biggs pull cloud into a joint bearhug that kind of looks suffocating, but genuinely comforting.

cloud doesn’t look confident on what to do when aerith approaches him, so he awkwardly sticks out his hand, but then aerith pulls him into the tightest embrace that he immediately reciprocates. he buries his face into her shoulder as she whispers something in his ear, something that makes his hands shake.

when he pulls away from her and moves on to jessie, aerith catches zack’s watchful eye and smiles.

“godspeed,” jessie says, raising her fist. cloud stares at her blankly. jessie grabs his wrist and forces him to bump fists with her. “i’m gonna miss ya, you little socially inept creature.”

“jessie, i’m not dying.”

“don’t jinx it,” she says. “you know, crash statistics state—”

wedge reaches over and grabs her by the ear, drags her away.

cloud doesn’t have the chance to walk to tifa himself, because tifa marches in like a storm and takes him into her arms. watching them say goodbye is like watching the moon part with the tide, and it’s unbearable.

tifa keeps him pinned to her for a long time, her arms strong and reassuring. cloud keeps his entire body pressed so tightly against her, it’s physically painful when they finally pull apart. tifa takes his face between her hands, holds him there for a moment.

they watch each other for a long time. and then, with an awful, brave smile, she kisses his forehead.

finally, cloud makes his way over to zack, his eyes rimmed red and darker than usual. zack wraps an arm around his shoulders, and after some final goodbye waves, they start walking towards the terminal.

the first half is spent in utter silence. zack’s hand is strong and undeniable in cloud’s: for a while, it says more than the two of them can handle. eventually, though, as the reality of everything begins to hit them, they both open their mouths.

“hey—”

“zack—”

they laugh. zack says, “go ahead.”

“make sure you update our spreadsheet,” cloud tells him with a poorly disguised sniff. “i expect to receive an update at seven p.m every night.”

he’s talking about the google spreadsheet that they (cloud) made, specifically for fenrir, which lists all of his eating and behavioral habits in extreme, painstaking depth.

zack smiles at this. “i know. i will.”

“and make sure you’re not giving him too many treats.”

“i know.”

“feed him twice a day.”

“i know.”

“is that all you know how to say?” cloud snaps. “how about, wow cloud, i’m gonna miss you so much, or, gee i don’t fucking know, good luck? even an i’m glad i won’t have to deal with you anymore would suffice. seriously, why don’t you just—”

zack grabs him by the shoulders, surges forward to knock their mouths together. their hands tighten, rings clinking together like they’re made of pure steel. and cloud’s shaking, but just a little. zack pretends not to notice because he’s shaking, too.

when they pull apart, their gazes match each other. blue on blue, both brimming with fresh tears.

“oh you dumbass,” cloud chokes out, immediately looking at the floor. “i’m catching your stupid.”

zack laughs brokenly. he reaches up to ruffle cloud’s hair, sniffs. “was bound to happen sooner or later. those STDs are pretty contagious.”

cloud smiles, despite himself. he rubs his nose. “stupidly transmitted disease?”

“your case might be worse than mine.”

by the time they reach the gate, zack’s forcing himself not to start sobbing. it’s stupid, really, because they have phones. they have facetime. cloud got a brand new phone for the sole purpose of it. now the government can track me for free, he’d said, or something like that.

they keep a firm hold on each other’s hands. there’s endless lines of people wandering through the aisles, staring either at their phones or straight ahead. nobody seems to notice zack and cloud standing there, and for a moment, zack fantasizes that they’re the last two people in the world and they’re not about to do this.

but then cloud turns to him. “i should…”

“yeah.” zack looks down at their tangled hands, feels fucking sick all over. “hey, if you find some dazzling hunk and decide to cheat on me, remember to take off the ring first, okay?”

cloud sighs so hard, it’s certain that it can be felt all the way from china.

he stands up on his tip-toes, loops his arm around the back of zack’s neck and pulls him down. they kiss for what feels like the final time, and zack loops his fingers in the chest of cloud’s shirt, grips him so hard he hopes it bruises.

just a little. a souvenir, you could say.

“bye, zack,” cloud whispers.

“i’m so fucking in love with you,” zack whispers back.

cloud smiles. “i know.”

“please say it back or i will violently shit my pants just to humiliate you in front of all these people.”

cloud laughs. he says, sweetly, “i love you so much, my dumb little sweetiepie.”

zack groans. he wraps himself around cloud and squeezes him so tightly, he can clearly hear him gasping for breath. but it’s okay. he’s used to the sensation by now.

they hold each other until there’s a last call, and security guards start eyeing them funny. zack releases cloud after psychically giving him all the love contained in his body. cloud takes a step back, steadies himself with a deep breath.

zack watches him go, because of course, and the moment cloud’s about to disappear, he stops. someone in a security vest urges him to keep moving, but he ignores them to turn back around.

there’s too much space between them. zack feels every empty centimetre like noxious poison.

cloud watches him for a long moment, eyes wide and glassy. he cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, in a voice so determined that zack goes stupid all over.

“zack!”

zack smiles.

“cloud!”

they’re in many different places, suddenly.

they’re in bed, nestled safely inside the hollows of each other.

they’re in their chem lab, bumping shoulders and pretending not to notice.

they’re holed up in an unknown room somewhere, mouths hot on each other while the music from a party thrums ardently eons and eons away.

they’re in the hospital, except this time zack’s holding cloud’s heart in his hands, and cloud’s holding every ounce of zack, forever and always.

“you’re an idiot,” cloud yells, and zack can feel the crushing impact of his smile even from here. he doesn’t say anything back — can’t, because cloud turns briskly and vanishes around the corner before he gets the chance.

only when he’s gone does zack realize he’s still crying.

“zack, are you listening to a word i’m saying?”

“yeah.” zack’s staring at the ceiling, his chest empty.

“i don’t think you are.”

“something something, you’re pretty sure biggs is dating that guy from kunsel’s party, something something…”

aerith sighs. “you’ve eaten dinner, right?”

“i made ramen.”

“good. i’ll come over tomorrow, make you something good. we’ll make a whole night out of it.”

“bring tifa,” zack says. “we’ll sleep in the living room, just like when you thought i was gonna perish because i hadn’t talked to cloud in two months.”

“don’t even joke about that.”

zack laughs. “i’m fine now.”

he opens his mouth to say something else, but downstairs, something crashes to the floor. zack sits up abruptly, his heart immediately hammering in his chest. his mind immediately goes to the worst fucking possibility, which is that sephiroth is currently lurking around trying to locate him.

fool. zack is very skilled with the broom that he keeps hidden in his closet specifically for this kind of situation.

“what was that?”

“i dunno,” zack says, heart beating painfully fast. “i’m gonna go check it out.”

“do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“no, it’s okay.” zack creeps onto his feet, slinks over to the closet very cool-like and snags his trusty, old broom. “if i don’t text you in thirty minutes, though, i got stabbed and i need medical attention.”

“i told you those jokes aren’t funny—”

“i’m still coping,” zack says, hangs up.

as he makes his way over to the stairs, his heart picks up its pace. his stomach feels like it’s filled with static. all of the lights are off, so the intruder won’t see him — but it’s a double edged sword, because zack has terrible night vision and won’t be able to see them, either.

he slides one socked foot closer to the banister, the broom held deftly in his trembling grip. takes one step down, pressing his body tightly against the wall—

and then trips over the broom, falls down the stairs.

zack shouts the entire way down. he rolls over himself about nine times, thudding noisily and conspicuously until he hits the bottom.

he lies there at the bottom step, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about how miserable he suddenly is. he’s 95% sure his fifth vertebrae is dislocated. even more certainly, the broom definitely went up his ass once or twice.

the lights are still off. zack’s grateful, at least, that even though sephiroth or whoever it is definitely knows where he is now, they didn’t see him fall.

he pushes himself up onto his elbows. the fucking broom’s nowhere to be seen. gone. probably got launched into the stratosphere. it was a useless broom anyway and deserved to be replaced.

zack gets to his feet, not even bothering to stay hidden. he tugs his phone out of his back pocket and flicks on the flashlight, doing a quick sweep of the house.

over in the corner, there’s a potted plant that’s shattered on its side. fenrir’s sitting close by, licking his paws inconspicuously. zack stares at him for a long, agonizing while before flicking on the lights and walking over.

“gee,” zack begins, glaring. “i wonder who did this.”

fenrir gazes up at him lovingly, meows. zack does it back, mockingly.

“alright, asshole, back up. i don’t want you getting glass in your paws. your other dad will rip my skin off and cook it in a soup.” he nudges the cat aside. “the fuck were you getting in here for, anyway?”

zack picks up the biggest shards of glass first, careful not to cut himself. it would be great if he had a fucking broom right about now.

in the center of the carnage, there’s a small, unevenly folded square. zack stares at it for a long, long time. fenrir meows again, knowingly, somewhere else in the house.

“what are you, a fucking spy?” zack shouts to him, picking up the note in a pinched grip. he shakes it free of any glass fibers. “how did you know he put a note in there?”

probably psychic attacks. fenrir and cloud are conjoined and demonic and zack made a grave mistake by getting involved with the two of them.

zack sighs. he straightens his spine and unwraps the note, slow, as if opening it too fast will completely eradicate anything written on the page.

zack,

if you’re reading this, i’m already gone.

i hope you didn’t cry too much. you’re dumb and would probably do something like that.

you—

zack’s already crying. he wipes his nose on the back of his sleeve.

“told you,” says a voice, smug and knowing, from behind him.

“shut up, cloud,” zack says, waving his hand. “i’m trying to read your letter—”

zack whirls around.

fucking cloud is standing behind him, peeking over zack’s shoulder. he smiles, warmly, at the string of absolute fuckery that immediately falls out of zack’s mouth.

despite being a literal home invader, cloud’s beautiful, his blue eyes full and starry as he stares into zack’s face. he’s everything that zack’s ever wanted, and sometimes just really annoying and mean — still, zack darts across the space as if nothing else has ever mattered.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” zack asks, breathless. “i watched you board the plane.”

cloud buries his face into zack’s shoulder, breathes him in with a happy sigh. “airplanes kind of scare me, to be honest. i’d prefer if you drove me.”

“you— we— your luggage—”

“all taken care of,” cloud says. “well, kinda. one suitcase got lost, but that’s okay, ‘cause i can just steal some of your clothes anyway. they fit me perfectly. fair weather, cloudy skies, or whatever the phrase is.”

zack kinda feels like cloud’s just punched him in the stomach, repeatedly, over the span of a millisecond. he trails his fingers down the expanse of cloud’s arm: cloud folds into the touch obediently, fingers curling into zack’s wordlessly.

“i was thinking,” cloud murmurs. “i could just, drop out of college.”

“and you’re insane.” zack tries to pull back, but cloud wraps himself tightly around zack’s waist, like a vise. “cloud, let go. i’m serious. you can’t just do this, alright? you can’t just drop everything for me. that’s not how this shit works. you have to be logical. you need to—”

cloud hooks his arm around zack’s neck.

zack falls quiet, because he knows what comes next.

they kiss and it electrifies every aching, insatiable part of zack’s being. and cloud’s smiling into it, so lovely and perfect and fearless and utterly, wholly zack’s. zack loves him so much. zack has never loved anyone like he’s loved cloud, and probably never will again.

cloud pulls away from him, presses their foreheads together.

“you were right, by the way, idiot. i really do adore you.”