Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean was dead.

Dead for good this time.

Dean went down after one of the Hydra’s sharp talons thrust through his back and killed him instantly.

His death was rather gruesome, but Dean could care less about it. His death is what he wanted. Going down while fighting.

“Dean?”

“Sammy?!” Dean turned around and then saw his brother, who was scanning his abdomen with a stricken look on his face; Sam probably got pierced in the stomach.

“I only died minutes after you did," Sam explained to Dean after several moments of silence.

Dean then sighed.

“If we gonna fight a freaking Hydra, we should've brought Cas along,” Dean grumbled.

Before Sam retorted with his typical I-told-you-Dean comment, a female angel wearing business attire appeared in front of them.

Her appearance screams business, but her eyes are cold with a hint of mischievousness.

At the first glimpse, Dean and Sam can tell right away that she is bad news, but unfortunately, they do not have the angel blade with them to kill her.

However, despite her aura screaming evil, she was smiling as if she had won something while holding a milky-white envelope with daffodils engraved on it in her hand.

Dean almost could care less about the envelope if it wasn’t for the familiar handwriting on the front of the envelope that caught Dean's attention.

“This is written by Castiel years ago." The angel explained to the Winchesters. “As promised, this letter will be handed over to you at once when one of you gets here.”

“Hold up, who are you?” Dean questioned the angel. She looked so familiar to Dean, and Dean couldn’t resist asking.

“My name is Naomi," she said and then smirked. “We had met ten years ago before the fall.”

Dean’s eyes widened in recognition. “But you were dead!” At least, that is what Cas told him.

Naomi rolled her eyes, “story for another time. Here is the letter, and I will go on my merry way out of here.” She muttered as she tossed the envelope to Dean before disappearing in a flash.

Dean and Sam look at each other with bewildered looks on their faces.

What is in the letter?

Whatever it is, it is giving Dean a terrible feeling.

“Oh, Cas, what did you do?” Dean thought as he opened the letter and Dean read it aloud to Sam.

Dear Dean and Sam Winchester,

You probably be surprised and confused when you get this letter the first thing as you enter Heaven, but that is what I anticipated.

This letter will be the last thing you will ever hear from me.

Before you promptly freak out, I can say it wasn’t your fault. It was mine. Mine alone. Please allow me to explain why.

When the angels were restored to Heaven after Metatron cast them out, my brothers and sisters were not exactly pleased with me and wanted me to die for my sins. However, they decided to punish me instead. They cast me out of Heaven and told me not to return to Heaven. Despite my exile, I am still an angel since I retain my grace, but I am no angel after I did to them.

I understand how you feel--being betrayed by my secrets, but I have decided that this is my punishment, mine alone.

Please allow me to say goodbye because I may never see you two again.

To Sam,

You are one of the closest friends that I had in eons. Someone I could trust and confide in. And I thank you for that.

To Dean,

You changed me, Dean Winchester.

Ever since I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition, I somehow knew you changed me. You taught me loyalty. You taught me to value humanity. You taught me how to care. You even taught me what love is.

Yes, Dean Winchester, I love you.

I know you could never feel the same way but telling you this way is better. I could confess my feelings to you because I am too much of a coward to face rejection...

Thank you for everything, Winchesters.

Sincerely,

Castiel

Dean’s hands were shaking at the end from an intense fury and regret pouring into his heart.

“Castiel, you son of a bitch!” Dean swore.

Dean wanted to race back to Earth and shake Castiel for not telling him sooner, but it was too late.

Dean had died before he returned his feelings to Castiel, and now for eternity, Castiel will roam around the Earth thinking Dean Winchester had never loved him.

Chapter Text

From the moment Castiel felt a chill in the air, he knew. He could feel the last remaining fragment of his grace that he put in Dean Winchester fifteen years earlier had dissolved. 

Anything he was thinking beforehand was forgotten.

Castiel then lowered his mug—Dean’s favorite—­­on the table to retain his newfound despair and disbelief from overwhelming him.

“No,” Castiel whispered, shaking his head in denial. Dean Winchester can’t be gone. He had promised they would watch a movie when they returned from a case. So, in conclusion, Dean Winchester can’t be gone. 

Castiel had spent the last fifteen years devoting his life to protecting Dean Winchester from harm and death snatching his soul. Out of other days, Dean Winchester had to die when he was not there to protect him. And now, he will not ever see him again.

Ten years ago…

“Castiel,” Naomi said with her arms crossed when she appeared before him and Hannah before Castiel departed from Heaven to search for Dean and save Dean (because he can’t be dead by Metatron’s hand since he is a Winchester). A crowd of angels also emerged behind her with angry gazes on their faces.

Castiel stared a Naomi with his eyes widened in shock. “Naomi, y-you were dead,” said Castiel.

Naomi then scoffed. “You think a mere drill can kill me? Then you are a fool, Castiel,” Naomi sneered viciously at him. “Perhaps less foolish when you caused the angels to fall from Heaven.’

Castiel winced at the reminder. “But I helped to restore the angels to Heaven and imprisoned Metatron, who was responsible for the fall in the first place,” Castiel had attempted to explain. 

“You think restoring the angels to Heaven would be justified for what you had done to us?” Naomi hissed venomously. “You caused the angels to fall in the first place.”

“Naomi,” Hannah said, in a warning tone, stepping in to defend Castiel from Naomi’s wrath. “Castiel had helped us to return from Heaven and stop Metatron while you did nothing.”

Naomi glared at Hannah for even stepping in to aid Castiel. “But it doesn’t mean he can be spared for what he had done.” 

Hannah glared back. “You just can’t accept the truth that Castiel had saved us, you bitch.”

Naomi gives Hannah an evil eye before promptly smirking, causing Castiel and Hannah to look at each other, knowing right away that Naomi is up for no good. 

“Not just me, Hannah,” Naomi said as she pointed to the mass of angels behind her. “We cannot let Castiel roam freely without getting any consequences.” 

Hannah’s jaw dropped, astonished and betrayed by her brothers’ and sisters’ decision. “Castiel had saved your asses!” She snapped. “This is what you repay him?!”

Naomi’s lip curled up briefly before she put on her poker face. “Plus, his loyalty lies with the Winchesters, not Heaven. I thought he made it clear. He must get punished for what he did. Heaven said so.”

Castiel stepped in before the argument got out of control. He cleared his throat to gain the attention of the duo. “You are right—”

“—Castiel!” Hannah said incredulously. 

“My loyalty indeed lies with the Winchesters,” Castiel continued, ignoring Hannah. “For what I did to Heaven was my undoing, but I fixed my mess. Did you fix yours, Naomi?”

Naomi stared at Castiel and then laughed at him. “Me? I did nothing to Heaven, right?” She looked at the angels, who paused for a second as if they tried to remember something, but it was blank for them, so they nodded. “See, Castiel? I did nothing to Heaven, but you did. Now, you will pay for what you have done.”

Castiel’s eyes widened at the realization of what Naomi had done. “You didn’t…” He paused, horrified. 

Naomi didn’t say anything, but Castiel knew what she had done. 

“We all agreed that you should die for the sins you had committed against Heaven,” Naomi hissed. 

“No!” Hannah growled. “If he dies, you have to go through me first!”

Naomi smiled, “Happy to do so,” she said as she pulled out the angel blade. Before Naomi launches her attack on Hannah, Castiel steps in to defend Hannah from Naomi’s blade.

“Naomi, don’t! I accept the punishment, but if you kill Hannah, you will regret it,” Castiel warned her.

Naomi then lowered her blade with a devious smile on her face. “Very well. However, I decided to revise the punishment into a more suitable punishment for you,” she said.

Castiel’s eyes widened at the realization of Naomi’s scheme. He got tricked into agreeing to any punishment he would get without knowing the punishment that Naomi planned for him. He has given her permission. 

“Castiel, former Angel of Thursday and former Angel of the Lord, in the decreed of Heaven for your treason and disloyalty to Heaven, you will be exiled from Heaven forever. As your punishment is being sentenced, you will retain the stolen grace you stole. However, the longer you stay in Heaven, the grace you stole, and your missing grace—if ever get found—would kill you.” Naomi declared. Her eyes and the rest of the angels behind her flashed bright blue. The room got engulfed in a bright light that caused Castiel to look away to shield his eyes from being blind by the godly power of the angels had reunited their grace simultaneously to punish him. 

As the light finally begins to dim, Castiel starts to feel different. His eyes widened as he coughed out blood on his hand. Hannah stared at the blood on his hand as if she had witnessed something terrifying when the color drained out of her face. 

Castiel grunted painfully. The punishment he obtained was not what he thought it would be. Being exiled from Heaven but still retaining the grace he has stolen from other angels... “If I go…I want you to promise me something.”

Naomi rolled her eyes. “Why should I promise you something, traitor?” 

Castiel wiped the blood from rolling down his chin as he glared at her. “Because if you don’t, I will come for you, exiled or not.”

Naomi carefully scrutinizes him before Naomi eventually realizes that Castiel is genuine about his promise that he will come after her no matter what. Naomi does not want angry Castiel and possibly the infamous Winchesters on her ass. 

“You have my word,” Naomi said before clenching her jaw unhappily. 

“I want a letter, an envelope, and a pen. When I hand this to you, I want you to hand this to one of the Winchesters as soon as they arrive in Heaven for good. If you do what I ask…Then you finally beat me.”

Naomi’s eyes sparkled because beating Castiel is what she desired, and her revenge would get refilled. “Deal,” she said quickly before snapping her fingers to hand over the items that Castiel had asked for.