Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Tyler

Tyler knew he was lying to himself.

He knew that the kiss he had shared with Kal in the server core was meant more to him than just a way to escape a potentially dangerous situation.

But he also knew, with a burning clarity, how tightly knit Kal and Auri were. Tyler hid his guilt as they walked back. He whistled and apologized as if nothing was wrong. But inside, he was blazing with shame. Kal wasn’t just in love with Auri, he was bonded to her in a way that he knew he could never comprehend. He hadn’t ment to get in the middle of that.

It’d be alright. Nothing is wrong. Kal didn’t haul off and whack him, so everything must be fine, right?

It wasn’t like there were actual feelings simmering inside him, right?

It was just infatuation making Tyler unable to take his mind off of Kal, right?

Right?

Kal

He kissed me.

That was the only thought in Kal’s mind as he and Tyler walked away from the server core.

He kissed me.

Kal shook the thought from his mind. He scolded himself for it. Listen to yourself. You have Aurora. She is your bonded, therefore she is all that matters.

Kal didn’t sleep that night. Not that night, nor the next night, nor the next. Wherever the squad went, whatever they did, it didn’t matter. The only thing Kal could consistently focus on was Tyler Jones. His hair, his voice, his eyes, his damned dimples. Suddenly, he meant everything to Kal.

Why is this happening?

Tyler

Kal seemed…off. He was usually very focused, but he wasn’t now. Tyler frowned, deciding—for what felt like the millionth time—to stay out of it. He didn’t want to upset him. Tyler had noticed more and more recently how Kal would be doing something and then he would just…stop. Tyler would walk into a room and Kal would just freeze. He couldn’t figure it out, no matter how hard he tried, but he refused to meddle in business that was not his.

Kal

Kal was rustling around in the cabinet in the galley when Tyler strolled in, searching for something that looked at least semi-healthy or possibly appetizing. Kal tensed, but showed no other outward interest.

He thought back to the dream he had last night and cringed in shame. He had dreamt of Tyler.

Disgusting.

Kal finally found something that looked mildly appealing, but he had lost his appetite thinking of that stupid dream-

“Kal?”

He realized he had been gripping the package too tight and he loosened his grip slightly. He rushed out, brushing past Tyler. He stormed to his room and flopped down onto his bed. He hated this. He hated his feelings, that he felt less and less for Aurora, his actual be’shmai, and that he felt more and more for Tyler. His alpha. His commanding officer. 

What a fool I am.

He loathed thinking about any of this. He wanted the feelings—he refused to label them for fear of succumbing to them—to disappear. 

Kal groaned and rolled over onto his stomach, wondering were he went wrong in life to deserve a punishment such as this.

Tyler

O…Kay, then. That was weird.

Tyler shrugged and grabbed a ration pack, tearing into it as he walked to the cockpit of the Longbow. He plopped down in a chair and sighed, contemplating his current situation. He assumed the problem with Kal was his fault, and he had an inkling of an idea of what he’d done to upset him, but he had no idea how to fix it. And if he didn’t fix it, the team could fall apart, and with all of the crazy stuff happening, he figured the team falling apart would not be a good thing.

Tyler dropped his head into his hands and growled in frustration.

Maker, why does this have to be so hard?

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at his half-eaten food with resentment.

This is stupid.  These feelings just mean that I find the guy attractive. Which, honestly, I can admit to. I’m definitely not in love.

Am I?

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Ummmm tf? Why the hell does this thing have more kudos then my tfota fic?? Idek this is sooo short and srsly just rly bad so why r y’all reading it?? Whatever, thx for the support tho. Ily guys <3

So, the thing is, it’s been rly rly rly hard to write lately, so I’m takin a break from my other fics and I’m challenging myself to write more for this one, no matter how cringe it turns out 🤷

So sorry for wasting ur time lol. I should have a chapter up by the end of this week, but ya never know. Byeeeeee

Chapter Text

Kal

The worst thing about this situation is that Kal was so sure that Aurora was his bonded. That she was ‘the One’ for him. The universe seemed damn set on proving him wrong, however. 

Because, how could it be Aurora when none other than Tyler Jones was constantly in his waking—and apparently unwaking —thoughts?

Kal huffed into the pillow he had pulled over his face. Why does this have to be so hard? 

Why is this shit happening?

Why?

Why?

Tyler

While Kal was internally lamenting, Tyler was sitting there in his chair, mulling over his life choices (AKA sulking), and trying with all his Goldenboy heart to understand what the actual heck was going on with his Tank.

Maker, I need therapy. Hells, I’d settle for talking to Scarlett if I didn’t think she’d just tell me what I already know. But what other option is there?

Tyler sighed and slid down his chair, slouching down so far that he was almost on the floor. He wished with all his might that he could help. He’s only ever wanted to help; it’s what makes him a good leader. But this—these complicated emotions—these aren’t quite as easy for him.

I guess I should just ask him what’s bothering him then, right?

Chapter Text

Kal

Kal was startled from his (not-so) comfortable position lying on his lumpy mattress with a pillow held tightly over his head by a sharp tap-tap on his door. He uncovered his face, his eyes narrowed towards the door.

Who could that be?

There was a lurching coil of dread pooling in his stomach. Tyler wouldn’t…he knows how I am about personal space. He wouldn’t.

Would he?

Tyler

This had gone on for too long. Tyler had to do something about it or he would drive himself up the goddamn wall trying to analyze the situation and pick it apart in his head. He needed to know (what he already knew) (Because he knows, of course he fucking knows. He just can’t admit it to himself that he’s positively enamored by six and-a-half feet of Syldrathi fucking warrior).

There was an empty kind of silence emanating from Kal’s room, maybe as a ward to keep any possible visitors at arm’s length. It was as if the very air Tyler was breathing had been stolen from the empty hallway and replaced with absolute nothingness. Just…empty.

This emptiness, however, did not deter Tyler. He was on a mission, determined to get answers. Or, if not answers, then at least confirmation that Kal was alive in his room, because great maker it’s quiet. Too stupidly quiet. Maybe he’s not in here? Scar said she saw him come this way-

The door opened a crack. A sliver of olive-toned skin and a flash of violet iris showed through the opening. “Yes?”

“I, uh…do you mind if I uh, come in? I need to talk to you and I really don’t want to do that out in the hallway where anyone and everyone can listen in.” Tyler attempted to slip a hint of humor into the statement, but it seemed to fall very, very flat. 

Kal hesitated for a second, then eventually opened the door a crack wider. “Can it…wait?”

If Tyler didn’t know better, he’d say that Kal looked as if he’d attempted to cry himself to sleep, only to run out of tears before unconsciousness could claim him. Frazzled. Tired . So, so tired. Tyler did know better, however, because he knew that Kal wasn’t one for tears, or any strong emotion, really. So he pegged Kal’s rumpled uniform and frizzy hair on the fact that Kal had most likely been asleep before Tyler had knocked.

Tyler scratched the back of his head. “I mean…it’s kinda, well. Not really urgent, exactly, it’s just been weighing on me. Like, really weighing on me.”

Kal pursed his lips, and Tyler can’t help but to think huh. Cute. Apparently Kal decided that Tyler’s reasons were decent enough, because he finally fully opened the door. Now that Tyler could actually completely see Kal, he could say that he did, in fact, look terribly disheveled. Kal’s braids were messier than ever; half of them were completely undone. The skin beneath his eyes was shadowed, and the depths of the violet irises themselves were haunted.

Stepping away from the door, Kal made a ‘ come in ’ gesture and said “Well?”

Tyler hesitantly stepped over the threshold, and pretended to wonder why it made him feel so giddy to be in Kal’s room. Alone. 

Kal wrapped his arms around himself, standing in the middle of his own room awkwardly with his Alpha standing just as awkwardly five feet away from him. “So? What is it that’s been weighing you down, as you so eloquently put it?”

Kal

Oops. That came off kind of snarky, didn’t it?

Tyler’s strong brows furrowed, and Kal’s attention was stolen by that tiny, unassuming little scar. He shifted in place, his lovely blue eyes flitting around the room nervously. “Ok, well. Here’s the thing. It feels like it’s been sort of, I don’t know, strained , between us recently? I just…what am I doing wrong? What can I fix?”

Nothing.

There’s nothing to fix. I’m irreparable.

The bad thing is, Kal almost said as much out loud. He almost let his jaw unlock and let all the thoughts, dreams, fucking feelings, spill out of him for Tyler to hear, to criticize. Because, of course Tyler would criticize him. There was no other option. In no reality would Tyler ever want what Kal seemed to, would throw away everything for something stupid like this. He’s Tyler fucking Jones, of course he wouldn’t.

And yet.

And yet.

Chapter Text

Tyler

Kal seemed to be immersed deep in his own mind, his perfect brows drawn together and his full lips pursed in a thoughtful little frown. Tyler decided that he liked that thoughtful little frown, so he wouldn’t disturb it, no matter how anxious he was to see if Kal had actually been avoiding him or if Tyler had just made it all up in his head. 

While he waited for the Syldrathi to say something, anything , Tyler glanced around the room they were in. It was neat and tidy, as expected, but also strangely bare. As if there were not, in fact, someone currently living in this very room and it was only a well-kept guest room.

Tyler’s attention snapped back to Kal when the aforementioned man’s mouth finally opened to speak. 

“I… suppose… things have been a bit, ah, tense , between us lately.”

Tyler raised an eyebrow, the scarred one for effect. “Just tense? It feels like you’re literally trying to write me out of the story of your life or something.”

Kal

Kal cocked his head to the side, glancing away from Tyler. It felt strange to have all of Tyler’s attention to himself. Making eye contact with the goldenboy made hot sparks travel down Kal’s spine, Tyler’s bright blue eyes burning into his own. Although, it wasn’t a completely unpleasant feeling, all things considered…

“Yes, well. I’m…” Kal struggled to find the words to articulate his feelings. “Uncomfortable, if you will.”

Tyler suddenly flushes a ferocious red almost as bright as his sister’s hair. “I’m sorry. I…I know I messed up somehow, and I have an idea of what I did, but there’s nothing for me to do about that. The only way to fix it now is to accept my apology and try to forget about it.” Tyler winced, as if he just then thought through what he said. “Now that I think about it, that sounds kind of harsh. Sorry. I’m just-“ he sighs. “I have no  idea what to do about this. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable just because I did something stupid as a last-ditch effort to save a plan.”

Kal found himself touched by this. Tyler was really, really worried for him. The goldenboy seemed so fragile in that moment, so small. It took a moment for Kal to realize that he was hurt by it. His chest tightened at the thought of Tyler feeling helpless, as he so obviously did then. Kal was struck by the need to do something about it. To fix Tyler’s shame, his anxiety. To hold him tight and whisper assurances into the small bits of air between them.

Kal absently wondered why he’d never fantasized about Aurora that way.

Then he decided that he could worry about that particular detail later, because Tyler was sitting right in front of him, still blazing with shame and waiting patiently and silently for a response of some sort.

“No. That’s…that’s not it. I-…I’m not uncomfortable as a direct effect of you kissing me.” Tyler opened his mouth to interrupt, but Kal held up a hand, effectively silencing him. “I’m uncomfortable because of how…how kissing you made me feel.”

Tyler’s cornflower blue eyes widened, and a small “oh” fell from his lips. Kal glanced away, once more feeling the burning sensation that seemed to stem from Tyler’s eyes. He could feel Tyler looking him over, could see it as the actual implications of Kal’s words smacked him across the face. 

“Kal, I…” Tyler opened and closed his mouth several times before seeming to give up and just say the first thought that came to kind. “I-isn’t…what about Auri?”

Kal was mutedly surprised by Tyler’s words. Really? I tell him that the kiss made me crazy for him and the first thing he’s concerned about is Aurora?

“I am going to be honest here, I think about that all the time. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with that. All I know is that when you kissed me, I…my whole world shifted to revolve around you. It was like I had never even met Aurora. She feels like a stranger now, for all I care about her. It’s…you. I guess it’s always been you, Tyler Jones.”

Tyler had made no move. His facial expression had still not shifted from the awed, shell-shocked one it was when Kal told him and now Kal was a bit worried. “I guess that…makes sense.” Tyler finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “That-yeah. Yeah. That’s how it felt for me too, now that I think about it. I could focus on other things for a while, but always, in the back of my mind, I was worried about you. I thought…I thought I’d really screwed up, to be honest. I thought that I’d made you so angry and uncomfortable that you didn’t even want to see my face. And now I’m realizing how awful that made me feel. It felt like I so thoroughly pissed off the sun that it never wanted to shine again.”

Kal could feel bubbles of hope growing in his gut, his heart fluttering in his chest. “…yeah?”

Tyler seemed dazed and lost in his thoughts, his gaze distant. “Yeah.”

Tyler

Tyler had never been the cussing type.

But boy, did he feel like throwing out some F-bombs right about now.

Mentally, of course.

Fuck.

Fucking shit.

Dear fucking Maker, this is crazy.

Kal likes me.

No, he doesn’t just like me, he’s-

I’m his-

“…Tyler?”

Tyler’s head snapped up, and it was only then that he realized he’d dropped his head into his hands. He looks up at Kal hesitantly, nervously. Tyler so desperately needs this to actually be happening, because there’s no maker-damned way this is actually fucking happening in real life.

“Tyler, are you alright?”

Tyler realized he’d been staring for a while. “Uh, yeah, I think so? Honestly, I think this might be a dream…”

“Not…a nightmare, then?”

Tyler’s expression morphed into one of pure disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Hells no. Why would it be? You’re in it.” Tyler cracked a grin at the look of resignation on Kal’s face. 

“Well, there goes my sanity. Please tell me you can speak more than just the language of trashy pick-up lines?”

Tyler laughed a joyous laugh. “Of course I can. I can also speak bits and pieces of actually smooth pick-up lines.” He said, winking. Kal groaned, his face conveying the unspoken why do I even try anymore?

There was a weight lifted from Tyler’s chest that he hadn’t even realized was there until it was gone for good. Everything was going to be alright.

Everything is ok.