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Neil comes back to awareness with a cigarette in his hand, sitting on bleachers and watching an exy court being dismantled. It takes him a few moments before he can parse where he is and when he does, he is incredibly confused.

The last thing he remembered was going to bed next to Andrew, they had just finished their last game of the season and were going to meet up with the original foxes for a quick vacation together. It had taken a lot of working around to fit in everyone’s schedules. So what the fuck is he doing in Millport?

He hasn’t stepped foot here since he was recruited and last he checked it was hundreds of miles between here and where he’s made a home with Andrew. Speaking of the blonde man, was he still lying in their bed, completely unaware of whatever weird prank was happening to Neil? Or was Neil dreaming, still asleep next to Andrew, and if so when was he going to wake up because this feels way too real.

He is interrupted from his thoughts by Coach Hernandez sitting down beside him. “I didn’t see your parents at the game,” Hernandez says.
“They’re out of town,” Neil said. “Still or again?” Neil just shrugs.

“I thought they’d make an exception tonight,” Hernandez continues.

“No one knew it’d be the last game,” Neil says, but he freezes as the familiar conversation plays back in his head. Why was he dreaming about this day? It doesn’t make any sense for him to dream about it over ten years after the fact. He hisses in pain as his cigarette burns too close to his fingers.

Now he was even more freaked out, if this was a dream than that should not have hurt. But it can’t be anything but a dream. Coach Hernandez looks the same as he did when Neil was on his team and Neil looks down at his hand again to see that they were free from the burns and cuts Lola had inflicted on him.

Hernandez keeps talking, unaware of Neil’s silent panic. He tells him that someone is there to see him, and Neil finally tunes back in time to see a relatively young, healthy-looking Coach Wymack. Neil can’t take anymore; he must be in some fucked up dream because otherwise he really is in the past. His father is still alive, Riko too, and he hasn’t met Andrew yet.

Andrew, if Neil came back in time, then maybe Andrew got dragged with him. God, he doesn’t know if he can handle everything to come if he doesn’t have Andrew by his side. With that in mind, Neil bolts from the room to find Andrew. He remembers the first time they met so he makes sure to dodge the racquet and just barely keeps from getting the wind knocked out of him again.

He hears a snort and a manic, “Little Rabbit’s fast, it seems.” And he looks from the racquet to Andrew Minyard’s medicated smile. That’s another thing that will need to be fixed; he will not let Andrew waste away on those drugs longer than he has to. When they make eye contact, Neil knows immediately that he came back by himself. There is no recognition in those hazel eyes, and he can feel himself deflate a little in defeat and despair.
“Fuck you, whose racquet did you steal?” Neil makes himself demand, trying to keep the heartbreak out of his voice, with the way Andrew’s eyes tense minutely he probably is not as successful as he wants to be.

“God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can’t have nice things.” Wymack’s furious voice comes from behind him.

“Oh, Coach,” Andrew says, “If he was nice, he wouldn’t be any use to us, would he?”

Neil takes a moment to get his thoughts under control while Andrew and Wymack argue with each other. He’s pretty sure he went back in time, and that he came back without Andrew, so he’ll have to go through this again on his own. Now that he’s calmer he can see how it’s not the worst that Andrew be spared from having to relive so many of his nightmares again. If he plays his cards right he might be able to spare him some of the upcoming pain coming his way.

Feeling steadier and with an idea of a plan in mind, Neil turns to Wymack and interrupts his scolding. “I’ll sign, give me the contract.”

He can tell that he’s confused Wymack and caught Andrew’s attention with what seemed like an abrupt change of heart. But Wymack hands over the contract and watches in silence while Neil barely skims it before signing and handing it back. He ignores Kevin coming up behind him, knowing that will piss off this younger version of his friend, to tell Wymack that he’ll need a week or two after graduation, but would it be possible to come before training starts, it wouldn’t be the best idea for him to spend too much time here after he’s out of school. Wymack takes what meaning of his words that he will, abusive parents, and agrees to let him stay on his couch.

Neil says goodbye to Wymack, gives a mocking salute to Andrew and a very slight nod to Kevin who has his mouth open to speak but Neil just turns and walks out. Maybe if he doesn’t let his hope and fear that he felt at seeing Kevin the first time show he might make Andrew less suspicious. Though he knows that Andrew will still try to figure out if Neil is a threat to his family and Neil will have to figure out what he’s going to say to prove he is not.

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The day after Neil graduates, he finds himself in California. He isn’t particularly ecstatic to be back, but he has a plan. He called Stuart after signing the contract and they have been working out a way to kill Nathan and get the Moriyama’s off his back. First, he had his uncle find him a cleaner somewhere close to the Spears because there was no way he was going to allow Drake anywhere near Andrew again.

After watching the house for a few hours, Neil learns that Drake is still living at home and doesn’t have a job so he’s at home all the time. And he learned all that from Drake loudly talking on the phone by an open window like an idiot.

The next day, Neil decides the easiest thing to do would be to get Drake to drive somewhere remote, it would make killing him easier and then he could take his car rather than steal someone else’s. Neil buys himself some clothes and hair dye, he thinks the black hair always made him look younger which unfortunately would serve him well here. Then he puts on his new clothes and waits for Cass to leave her house.

When Drake is home alone, Neil goes up to ring the doorbell. He makes himself look scared and defeated, going with the story of running from bullies and getting lost. He sees the moment Drake goes giddy with glee as he runs his eyes up and down, landing on Neil’s face after what feels like minutes. “Hello, can I help you?” Drake tries to make his voice sound concerned and kind. Even if Neil did not know what Drake had done because of Andrew, he would have been able to sense the darkness on this man.

“Sorry, I don’t wanna be a bother, but I think I’m lost.” Neil affects a southern accent and makes sure to come across as shy, never looking fully into Drake’s eyes. “I just moved here, and some boys tried to make me hand over my wallet, and I just ran and got turned around somewhere and I’ve been wandering for what seems like hours and I lost my phone, and I don’t know what to do.” Neil speeds up the longer he talks, makes his breathing come faster like he is on the verge of a panic attack. He feels like he might be laying it on too thick, but Drake’s eyes darken with every word he says so obviously he’s too stupid to sense anything is amiss.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll help you get back home. Here, I’ll drive you and you just tell me where you live, okay?” Drake can’t hide his excitement as well as he thinks he can, he quickly grabs his keys and puts on his shoes as he ushers Neil down the driveway to his car. Neil lets him guide him to the passenger seat and pretends to argue that he doesn’t want to make Drake go out of his way for him but easily concedes and finds himself driving in the opposite direction of the address that Neil gave Drake.

He pretends not to notice, letting Drake drive them somewhere out of the way. When they pull over into an abandoned field, Neil turns wide eyes to Drake and asks why they stopped. “Before I take you home, I think you owe me, don’t you?” Drake’s smile turns predatory, and Neil pulls away slightly. “But I don’t have much money.” he says softly, making Drake laugh as he reaches out to caress Neil’s cheek.

“I’m thinking something better than money. A pretty little thing like you? I’m sure you can think of something that can make up for me having to drive you all over the place.” Drake grips his chin and pulls his face close to his. Neil closes his eyes, pretending to be scared as he reaches for the syringe he brought. As much as he would like to dismember this man, he thinks it might be better if his death is ruled an accident, at least after the police try to arrest him for rape.

Neil pulls away from Drake and punches him, trying to get an opening and more time to dose him. Drake throws his own punch and starts choking Neil. “The fuck you think you are? Little whore goes around asking for it and then tries to say no?” Drake shakes him as he snarls the words. Neil gets ahold of the syringe and drives it into Drake’s neck as he starts to lose consciousness. When Drake’s hand loosens, Neil pushes him off and sucks in air, coughing in pain.

Neil gets Drake shoved into the trunk of the car and drives a little closer to his house before he sneaks in and packs a few bags to a make it look like he left in a hurry. He had already called in an anonymous tip about what Drake had done on his way here. He steals jewelry from Cass and quickly makes his way back to Drake’s car. He only has an hour drive before he arrives at the cleaner that his uncle found for him.

He tells the man that he needs it to look like Drake was trying to run but died in a crash before he reached Mexico. The cleaner agrees to take Drake’s car and body and Neil makes his way back to Millport with a borrowed car so he can make his flight.

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Neil makes his way through the small lobby at the Arrivals area to Andrew. He sees Andrew lock onto the black eye and ring of bruises around his neck and knows that everyone will be asking him what happened. Andrew, after asking about his other bags, just turns and leads him out of the building and to his car. He opens the trunk for Neil’s bag and then they are speeding through traffic and Neil feels his body relax at finally being somewhere safe. He can tell he’s confused Andrew by his lack of fear at his driving and the silence that has settled over them which is, for Neil at least, comfortable.

They make it to Wymack’s apartment without talking and Neil grabs his bag from the back and sees that Andrew is pretending to be high. He greets Nicky and lets them lead him to his new home for the summer and goes through the motions, he calls Andrew out for not being medicated and having picked him up at the airport. He has to stop from laughing at the shock on the others’ faces and keeps watching Andrew as the other man considers him.

They are interrupted by Wymack, who complains about finding the monsters in his apartment but when he sees Neil’s face he immediately asks what happened. This causes Nicky to begin talking about how he wanted to ask but thought that might be rude.

“I told you that it would be better that I come here before summer training began.” Neil answers, hoping it will be enough for them to make up their own story. He would rather not lie to Andrew if he can help it. Wymack stares at him for a moment before cursing and telling the monsters to get him to Abby’s for a checkup. Kevin complains about missing practice but gets shut down quickly, even though Neil tells them that he is fine and wouldn’t mind practice.

When they get to Abby’s, Neil lets her fuss over him while he tells them that nothing was broken, and he wasn’t having any trouble breathing or eating so he was fine. Everyone just stares at him after he speaks and he hides a wince because, yeah him seeming to know a lot about his injuries probably tells them that he has had them before.

After, Abby plies him with food and he heads back to Wymack’s as soon as he can get away. Everything is still too much, the overlap of what is happening and what he knows will happen in the future. The next day he can’t find the motivation to get up. He is just so tired after yesterday and he doesn’t know how to snap out of it. Doesn’t know how he is going to face even more of this.

He knows Wymack is concerned, he keeps glancing at him every time he enters the room, but Neil just keeps staring at the ceiling. After a particularly long glance, Neil turns his head to stare back at Wymack. He musters up the energy to raise an eyebrow in question which makes Wymack scoff but not look away. “Kevin wants to take you to the court today, get a better feel for how you’ll work on the team.” He says after another minute of silent staring. Neil thinks about it, about getting up and heading to the court. Maybe that will help with this weird funk that he’s in, but just the thought of seeing Kevin and Nicky and the twins makes him want to curl into a ball. Knowing that they do not know him yet when he desperately wants everything to go back to normal would not help him today. “Not today.” He manages to croak out and he turns away from Wymack, pretending to go back to sleep.

He used to be better at adapting to the situation at hand, at ignoring his wants or needs if it meant surviving. Having spent so many years with people he considers friends and family, who helped him create his truest and final identity, has weakened that ability. Even though he knows he can get them back if he just keeps going, it will not be easy for him to do so. It has been a long time since he’s thought of his mother, but he can feel her disappointment and anger at letting himself lose his edge and he cannot say she was wrong at the moment. His father is still alive, if he is not careful he could fuck everything up and die or worse—get one of the foxes killed. Just the idea of that makes his blood freeze and breathing difficult.

It had also been a long time since his last panic attack. Neil thinks wryly as he struggles to get air into his lungs. He spares a moment to be thankful that Wymack had left already as he puts a hand to the back of his neck and wills his body to calm down. He comes back down over an hour later; exhaustion fills him as his body untenses, and he takes several needed deep breaths. He struggles to stand and makes it into the bathroom to throw up, and then manages to take a quick shower.

When he returns to the living room, he sees Andrew sitting on the couch, playing with his phone. He looks up when Neil enters the room, manic smile spreading on his face as he takes in the pale face and tired eyes. Neil ignores him, going into the kitchen to find something to eat for the first time that day. He feels Andrew following behind him but cannot find any energy to care. He finds fresh strawberries and deems that an acceptable meal. He turns to watch Andrew as he slowly works through the container. He can tell that Andrew wants to comment but Neil is not going to rise to the bait of asking first.

It seems a minute is all a medicated Andrew can wait before he lets out a huff of frustration. “Kevin’s crying himself to sleep tonight because you refused to come play with him.” Andrew starts watching for any trace of a reaction, “And Coach said he was worried to leave you alone, felt that you might do something drastic.” This gets a twitch as Neil pauses in biting into a strawberry to consider Andrew’s words. “I’ve never been suicidal.” He croaks out, voice hoarse from not talking and the bad panic attack earlier.

Andrew’s eyes narrow at the sound, gaze roaming over Neil now like he can spot what is wrong with him. Neil finishes the strawberries and throws the container away before heading back into the living room. He sits on the couch and waits for Andrew to decide what he is going to do next. Andrew comes into the room with two glasses, one of water and one of whiskey. He hands the water to Neil, who after taking it stares at him in confusion. “Do you not know how to use a glass?” Andrew mockingly brings his own to his mouth to ‘teach’ Neil how to drink. Neil continues watching him for long enough that Andrew gets a little twitchy but eventually turns to drain the glass as his body reminds him that he spent the entire day ignoring its needs.

Feeling a little more aware, Neil sets the glass on the coffee table and begins fiddling with his fingers. He had gotten much better about taking care of himself as he got older, he had not realized how much his time on the run had messed him up until one day he had been talking with Betsy and his lack of hunger came up. He had spent so long ignoring the signs of hunger pain that eventually it stopped registering. He ate when he remembered and more frequently after he joined the foxes and had them to remind him, but it seems that just because his mind had gotten better, being put back into his younger body meant he had to deal with those issues again.

Andrew speaks, pulling him back out of his thoughts, “So if you aren’t suicidal what is it? Depression? Eating disorder? A need for attention?” Neil knows that Andrew has always been blunt, but the meds make him enjoy being cruel and Neil cannot wait until he gets off them again, he hates that Andrew has no control over himself like this. “Severe PTSD, panic attacks and my brain has forgotten how to signal that my body needs to eat, actually.” Neil takes a moment to bask in catching Andrew off guard, enough to make his smile shrink and eyes go wide at his words. “I’ll be fine tomorrow, everything just caught up with me today and by the time I realized, it was too late to do anything about it.” Neil tries to reassure Andrew, even though he probably will not care. He has no idea that they had been committed partners.

Andrew stares at him, taking in his words and how much more aware he is before nodding stiffly and walking out of the apartment. Neil gets up to drink another glass of water before letting himself drift off into an exhausted slumber.

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Neil spends the rest of his time before official practices start getting back in shape. He had been telling Andrew the truth about going to practice with the monsters the day after his breakdown. He could feel Andrew’s eyes on him the entire day but kept his attention on the court and ignored Kevin’s complaints. He had used his time before graduation to practice and add that to the mental years he has on the others, he is better able to keep up this time around.

Practice ends with Nicky asking Neil about his girlfriend and him completely ignoring Neil’s “I don’t swing.” Like he did last time. Neil lets him go off on how hot Neil is and how he won’t be happy all alone. When Nicky finishes, Neil levels an unimpressed look before speaking, “I think it is incredibly rude of you to ignore the answer that I just gave you. I meant it when I said that I have never been interested in anyone before—men or women— and just because it’s different from your experience does not make me wrong.” Neil keeps his voice even and watches as Nicky goes from shocked to guilty. Neil knows he means no harm, but it took a while before he stopped dismissing Neil’s sexuality, always telling him that it was okay for him to be gay and that he didn’t have to hide it anymore. They had had a long talk about the experiences Neil had and how Andrew was the only person who had ever caught his attention before Nicky finally stopped telling him he was wrong.

The locker room is quiet for a moment, Nicky too thrown to respond and the others, aside from Andrew, tense at the uncomfortable silence. Eventually Nicky finds the ability to talk again, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to belittle your feelings.” Neil isn’t sure if this will stop the comments, but he accepts the apology with a nod and moves on, time will tell if Nicky is serious or not. He makes his way back to Wymack’s, refusing the offered ride to have some time to think about what’s to come and how he hopes to change it.

Neil is excited for the return of the upperclassmen, but he knows that it will be even more draining, having to put up a front for even more people. He meets Matt at the court after his physical. Slightly less nerve-wracking for him but still devastating for Abby. He left his binder stashed at Wymack’s, knowing that he can trust the man and that he will not need it for the time being. So, after unpacking the few belongings he has, Neil leaves his room like he is planning to go to the store. He waits ten minutes before making his way back upstairs and sees that his door is cracked, and he smiles slightly before walking into the room.

“You’re not Matt,” Neil calls to Andrew who was too busy snooping to hear him come in. He sees Andrew tense in surprise at being caught off guard before he turns and raises an eyebrow at Neil. “That was quick.” He states, like Neil is in the wrong here. Neil shrugs and picks up his wallet from the counter, “Can’t buy groceries if I don’t have any money.” Neil answers, though he left the wallet there on purpose. “Why don’t you drive me to the store and on the way you can tell me what you were looking for and if you’ve found it yet. Maybe you can convince me to buy you some ice cream.” Neil offers, catching Andrew’s flash of annoyance at finding nothing, but he pushes past Neil and heads toward the elevator, so Neil follows.

The drive is quiet, Neil waits Andrew out, knowing he will speak when he wants to. They pull into the grocery store before he does. “You don’t add up.” Neil snorts at the familiar words but turns to look at Andrew, “I’m not a math problem, if you want to know something just ask.” Andrew stares back as he searches Neil for the truth. Eventually he gets out of the car and Neil follows. They spend some time walking down the aisles, originally Neil was just going to get a few staples and leave it at that, but Andrew started filling a cart and he couldn’t do anything else but follow along. Most of the food are quick meals or filling snacks that do not take a lot of effort to make or eat and a good amount of fresh fruit, it takes Neil an embarrassingly long time to realize that Andrew had clocked what he said about eating and was picking out things for Neil.

Neil lets Andrew do what he wants, making idle comments when asked about a preference for this or that but otherwise content to just be there. They finally make their way to the ice cream and Neil watches in fond silence as Andrew picks out a few different kinds before making his way to the front. Neil pays when motioned to and helps load up the G6. “I doubt I can eat all of that before it goes bad.” Neil breaks the silence, watching Andrew drive. “It’s yours to waste as you want.” Was Andrews reply but Neil can see the tightening in his jaw at how not okay he would be if the food was not eaten.

They get back to the tower and split ways, Neil taking the stairs and Andrew waiting for the elevator. Neil puts away his groceries and makes his way to the girls’ room to introduce himself. He feels better about everything, while this is not ideal, he can’t let his fear keep him from making these people his family again.

Matt introduces him to everyone, and Neil manages some small talk before it’s time to head to practice. Matt offers to give him a ride, but Andrew interrupts and says that Neil already agreed to ride with him. Neil glances at Andrew, eyebrow raised in question, but Andrew just stares back, daring him to refuse. So, he finds himself in the middle between the twins and listening to Nicky ramble on the drive to the court. Dan looks him over in concern when they arrive, but he tells her that he’s fine and they go inside. It goes the same as the first time and Neil decides to accept a ride back to the tower with Matt this time.

He makes it through the summer practice and finally the first game of the season is upon them. Neil knows that he is better than he was the first time, but the foxes are still not able to function as a team, so their chances of winning are low. He still puts his all into it, it feels like it’s been forever since he’s played a real game and he has been itching to get back to it. By half time they are creeping up on the other team, Neil sees that Andrew is already at the bad end of the withdrawal and he winces in sympathy. They manage to squeak by at the last second with Neil scoring the winning goal and he lets the others crowd around him in celebration.

After he’s showered, Neil finds Andrew waiting for him in the locker room. Neil cocks his head and stares at Andrew in question. “You’re coming with us to Columbia tonight, I brought you some clothes, so you don’t embarrass us.” He throws the bag and Neil catches it without looking away from Andrew’s eyes. He can feel Andrew growing impatient, so he grabs his own bag and leaves with a slight nod. He spends the time before they have to leave deciding what he is going to do. He knows that Andrew will drug him, he will not let anyone be a threat to his family, but Neil is not sure if he should let it happen or not. He still hasn’t decided when he finishes getting dressed and finds Andrew’s lot waiting in his living room.

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Andrew gets up to look him over before nodding in approval. “Take out the contacts, brown is such an ugly color.” He demands, the others tense as they wait for him to comply with Andrew’s wish. Neil looks at Andrew, debating before turning back into the bathroom and taking a deep breath. He had gotten used to his appearance, but he had scars that proved the face looking back at him was Neil and not Nathan or even Nathaniel, but he looks the most like his father at this point in his life. He takes out the contacts and stares at his face in the mirror. Then he walks past the others and makes his way out of his room. He heads to the stairs and beats everyone to Andrew’s car.

Andrew reaches him first and grasps his chin to look into his eyes. He doesn’t say anything and steps back when the others catch up. Nicky makes the same comments he had before, and Neil easily tunes him out. The drive is quiet, though when Aaron goes to smack Andrew awake Neil stops him and knocks on the window above his head. He would rather not have the wind knocked out of him if possible. Andrew wakes without hitting anyone and Neil realizes everyone in the car is looking at him, he avoids eye contact, and they make it to sweeties.

After watching them scarf down their ice cream and get their dust, Neil finds himself following Andrew into Eden’s and up to the bar to get drinks. He braces himself for what’s to come and ignores Roland’s attempts to flirt with him. He sticks with soda even though it won’t help, and Neil sits at the table watching them all drink like crazy. It’s after the second round of drinks that Roland slips the drugs in his drink so he isn’t taken by surprise this time, just turns to stare at Andrew with a slight disappointed look. While he understands Andrew’s reasoning, he is not happy to be on this side of it again.

Andrew grabs his chin to gage his pupils and tells Nicky to take him to the dance floor while they wait for the drugs to kick in. Neil doesn’t try to resist, he had already decided to answer Andrew’s questions, to try and appease his suspicious mind. He should have kept in mind that even years in the future he still hates crowds, and the drugs make him even more paranoid. He also forgot the second dose that Nicky gave him and narrowly avoids the kiss this time as a result. He cannot believe that Nicky tried it again when they had had the conversation that he wasn’t attracted to people so he knees him in the groin before moving away.

He tries to find the busboy from last time who would knock him out, but he’d gotten turned around and when a hand grabbed his arm, he thought it was Andrew coming to question him. He stumbled after them but when he realizes they are outside he turns to see a stranger smiling at him. Neil tries to remove his arm from the man’s grasp, but the drugs keep him clumsy. “Hey pretty, I figured you could use some air to clear your head. You know you shouldn’t drink so much; someone might take advantage of you.” The man’s words are meant to sound concerned but his smile has turned dangerous and smug. Neil is past the point of being able to talk so he just tries to push the man away. He can’t stop him from pressing him against the wall and up against him.

The man lowers his head to kiss along his neck and Neil manages to let out a weak no, but the man only laughs and continues. Cursing the drugs, Neil tries to corral his mind on a way to save himself, trying to ignore the man’s wet mouth on his neck or his hands caressing his sides. When he feels the man’s erection grind against his thigh he whimpers, unable to ignore the threat any longer. “Such sweet sounds, you must be really desperate for a cock huh pretty.” The man moves his hand into Neil’s pants, ripping them to make it easier to shove them down while he continues to grind against him.

Neil manages to move his hand and he reaches up to put his thumb into the man’s eye. He feels the flesh under his thumb give as the man screams and shoves away from him. Neil falls to the ground, unable to hold himself up. The man moves to kick him, but a figure moves between them and knocks the man out. Neil struggles to focus and makes out an extremely pissed Andrew as he turns from kicking the man to look at Neil.

Neil begins to calm as he looks back at Andrew. He takes a few deep breaths and manages a quiet thank you as he pushes himself up and tries to fix his torn pants. He misses the way Andrew’s eyes darken at his words. He’s just gotten them as fixed as they will get when the others come stumbling into the alley. They take in the scene and Nicky lets out a loud cry before darting towards Neil. This makes him tense back up and try to pull away but with the wall at his back and his body not cooperating, Neil can’t move before Nicky grabs his arm. “Neil! Oh my god, we’ve been looking all over for you.” Nicky’s voice is too loud and too close, and Neil can’t find the ability to say that, and he knows if he can just get it out then Nicky will move away.

Neil throws a frantic look at Andrew, hoping he’ll understand because otherwise he might cry in frustration at how he can’t get out a simple sentence. He sees Andrew take in his tense body and panicked eyes and breathes out a sigh of relief when he tells Nicky to step back. Nicky starts to argue but one look at Andrew puts a stop to it. Everyone is quiet as they watch Neil, who wishes they would not just stare at him. He can feel the drugs and adrenaline catching up to him and knows he’s about to pass out. “Keep… Nicky… no.” is all he can get out before everything goes dark.

He wakes up extremely thirsty. The next thing he notices is that he is lying on a couch. Neil manages to sit up after some struggle and he takes in the monsters’ living room as the night before comes back to him. He gets up and chugs some water, everyone else still asleep it would seem. He would love to take a shower but does not have any clothes to change into, so he settles for washing his face and takes a second to look in the mirror. His eyes are bloodshot, and his face is too pale. He sees dark marks on his neck and remembers the man’s mouth. He grips the counter as disgust and anger swirl around his mind, he pushes back the panic. Andrew got there in time, and it won’t happen again.

Neil goes back into the living room and waits for the others to get up. It’s only been ten minutes before Andrew walks into the living room and stares at Neil. “You’re still here.” Is all he says. Neil lets his confusion show, “Where else would I be? I can leave if that’s what you want.” He doesn’t want to make Andrew uncomfortable. He gets a scoff in answer and Andrew heads into the kitchen. He comes back with a glass of water which he hands to an even more confused Neil. Not sure what was happening, Neil takes the glass and drinks half, still thirsty. Andrew glares at him before stomping from the room again. What was I supposed to do? Neil asks himself as he also heads into the kitchen.

He finds Andrew glaring at the coffee pot which Neil had started when he woke up. “Sorry, I figured everyone would need caffeine when they got up.” Neil hadn’t really thought about it, it was routine when he was in Columbia to get the coffee going after his morning run. Andrew ignores him and makes a cup. Neil finishes the water and rinses out the glass before making his way back into the living room. “You’re learning curve must be a horizontal line.” Andrew calls to him, making Neil turn around. “What?” he asks, watching Andrew in hopes of finding out why he’s being so confusing. “You accepted a drink from me after I drugged you once before. You can’t really be that stupid.” Andrew’s voice is harsh with anger, anger at Neil, he realizes. Last night went completely wrong and Andrew doesn’t understand why he didn’t run or yell about what happened. He probably thinks Neil is too scared of confrontation to stand up for himself.

“That was last night, I fail to see why you would do the same thing when it didn’t get you the results that you wanted. You have no reason to drug me right now so I was not worried that you would.” Neil answers, it’s the truth but only slightly. Neil cannot very well tell Andrew that he knows who he is at his core and that after what nearly happened last night, he knows that Andrew will not try to drug him again. Andrew may be an asshole, especially on those drugs, but he must be so thrown by everything that happened last night. He sees Andrew debate what he wants to say next, and Neil waits him out.

Before he can open his mouth, Nicky comes stumbling into the kitchen. His eyes brighten when he sees Neil and he changes direction towards him. Neil is firmly in the present now and while he is upset about what Nicky had done, he knows that them both being hungover is not the time to discuss what happened. He nods politely but dodges his reaching hands. He sees Nicky pout but moves out of the kitchen, so he doesn’t have to pretend to listen to him talk. He sees Andrew watching the interaction but ignores it.

Andrew makes Neil go with him to pick up breakfast, he’s sure it is to keep Nicky away from him so he doesn’t argue. He had given Neil clothes so he could shower and change, which was good because if he went back to the upperclassmen with the torn clothes, he’s sure they would have attacked Andrew. During the ride, Andrew tells him to give him a reason for him to believe he is not a spy. Neil tells a similar story to last time; he hates lying to Andrew, but this helped calm him before and he knows that the actual truth would be too damaging right now. Andrew considers his story as they wait for the food before responding, “Keep it if you can. You and I both know it won’t last long.” Neil nods and they are quiet after that. The rest of the time spent in Columbia; Neil is left alone much to his relief. They make it back to campus around the afternoon and Neil heads to his room, leaving the monsters waiting for the elevator.

Chapter Text

The days go by slowly after that, Neil spends time with all of the foxes when he isn’t off talking with his uncle and Bailey, the man his uncle sent to keep an eye on him, about their next move. He had just gotten the confirmation that Andrew was to be slowly weaned off his pills rather than be admitted to a facility to quit all at once. This means he will not have to be anywhere near Proust, and he’ll be done before the winter banquet.

Stuart had also told him that they had eyes on his father and everyone from his inner circle except for Lola. Neil tells him to spread his location through his father’s people and Lola will come to them. He is itching for the word that his father is dead, one less problem to deal with will certainly help with his tension.

Then it’s the day of Kathy Ferdinand’s show and they are twenty minutes from the station. Neil had told his uncle about Riko planning to crash the show and they decided it would be better if he just wasn’t able to make it. There was no need to give him the chance to attack the foxes and rile up his fans if they could stop it. So, his uncle finds a way to delay Riko’s plane and Neil plans out what they are going to say to make the most of this shit show.

“…hell. Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up ten miles ago.” Neil is pulled from his thoughts by Wymack’s voice. He turns to see Andrew and Kevin still asleep with Nicky whining about not wanting to die. Neil lets out a sigh before making his way to Kevin, he forces him to stand and shoves him towards the front of the bus. Kevin wakes up enough to keep from face planting and levels a glare at Neil when he realizes who had woken him. Neil ignores him as he moves to the seat in front of Andrew. He hears Nicky from behind him, “Ah, Neil I don’t think…” But he drowns him out and knocks on the window above Andrew’s head like he had done in the car to Columbia. Andrew wakes quickly but otherwise does not lash out. Neil leaves him to head back to his own seat and pointedly avoids eye contact with the others.

It's silent for a moment before Wymack clears his throat and hands out breakfast sandwiches, telling them to eat quickly. Neil can feel eyes piercing him, but he eats his food, drinks his coffee, and tries not to think about the future that hasn’t happened yet, if it ever will.

They make it to the studio and Neil watches Kathy fawn over Kevin before she turns to him. He goes through the same argument as before but halfheartedly because he knows there isn’t anything to fear this time. From how excited Kathy is, she hasn’t learned yet that Riko will not be coming.

Neil follows Kevin to get changed and when they are alone, he speaks in French, “You’ll need to speak carefully today to make sure that you don’t give Riko or the ravens’ fans an opening.” Kevin startles at his words and glares at him, “Out of the two of us, who has the most media training? Don’t act like I’m the weak link.” He spits and Neil just shushes him, almost smiling at the offended look on Kevin’s face.

“You have the opportunity to set the tone of your transfer to the foxes. If you don’t do it right, then Riko will have the chance to turn the public against you. So make sure to tell them that you’ve been in contact with Riko, and he’s already congratulated you for our first win and that he’s excited to play against you for the first time, that he feels this will give you both the chance to grow and strengthen your brotherly bond. If you make it seem like Riko supports you completely then it will be harder for him or Tetsuji to bad mouth the foxes, they will look mean and petty.” Neil can see that he’s grabbed Kevin’s attention and he hopes that he’ll take his advice.

He waits for his turn to be called, listening to Kevin compliment the foxes and Neil before he’s finally announced. Things follow a similar vein as last time with Kathy talking up Neil before asking about Riko. Kevin sends a quick glance at Neil before answering her exactly like he told him to. Neil is a little awed by how well Kevin has spun the lie, if he didn’t know the truth, he would believe that Riko had been a major factor in Kevin branching out on his own. Kevin even made it seem like Riko had suggested it. Kathy is all wide smiles at how much the two ‘brothers’ support each other before she gets an apologetic look on her face, “Well, this segment was supposed to be longer Kevin. I had planned to surprise you with Riko, since I’m sure training has kept you both busy and you haven’t had the time to meet in person, but I got word a little bit ago that his plane was delayed.” Neil has no idea how Kathy hasn’t realized how tense Kevin had gotten at the idea of Riko being so close, but she keeps going on. “Riko did send a message to let you know that he’s sorry to have missed you and that he’s looking forward to the next time you meet.”

Kathy closes out the segment and shakes their hands before Neil is finally able to drag Kevin off the stage and somewhere private for his breakdown. “He’s not here, you’re okay.” Neil tries to comfort him, hand holding onto Kevin’s elbow as he leads them to where the foxes should be. Kevin’s breathing is coming too fast, so Neil has to stop in the same hallway they’d been cornered in before. “Kevin, I need to you tell me five things you see.” Neil walks Kevin through the grounding exercises and he begins to calm down. Neil answers Kevin’s phone when he sees that it’s Andrew, knowing the other man will be upset about the delay.

He tells Andrew that they will be there soon and hangs up. He waits until Kevin is steady to speak. “You were really brave.” Kevin scoffs at his words but Neil makes his look into his eyes. “No, Kevin, you were scared to stand up to Riko and you did it anyway. Even if he had managed to get on that stage with you, you would have been able to do that same thing. Just because you’re scared does not mean you’re weak. You just need to believe in yourself like I do.” Neil waits for Kevin to take in his words before pulling them back to the other foxes.

He hands off a more stable Kevin to Andrew and heads onto the bus. The ride back is filled with the foxes questioning Kevin’s interview, and after locking eyes with Neil, he tells them the reasoning Neil had given him. The foxes listen and praise him for the quick thinking, but Kevin tells them that Neil came up with the plan while they were in the dressing room. Neil just looks at the foxes as they start talking over themselves at him. He sends Kevin a tired glare but gets a teasing smile back so he can’t be to upset.

Since there was no confrontation, Andrew doesn’t break anything, and Neil expects the monsters to go to Columbia without him since he hadn’t had to protect Kevin in Andrew’s place. But he still gets summoned to Andrew’s room, and he lets his confusion show as he watches Andrew perched on a dresser smoke by the window. Andrew doesn’t speak until he’s on his second cigarette. “Was Kevin telling the truth? That you came up with those lies about brother supporting brother?” Andrew asks, watching Neil closely. “Yes, I figured it would be better if Riko had to be more careful of what he said to the media.” Neil answers, stealing the cigarette from Andrew to take a drag. Andrew watches but doesn’t acknowledge the theft.

“When I got Kevin back, I was sure he’d be a slobbering mess at narrowly missing a face to face with Riko.” Andrew says, still watching Neil. Neil takes a drag of the cigarette, “That’s not a question.” He responds, not able to resist, and he watches as Andrew’s eyes narrow. “Kevin wasn’t very cooperative with what happened between you leaving the stage and reaching the bus. So why was he not panicking when I saw him again?” Andrew asks, standing from the dresser to crowd Neil. “I walked him through some grounding exercises and just told him he wasn’t alone. Told him he did good not letting his fear of Riko stop him.” Neil responds, unsure where Andrew is going with this.

It’s quiet while Andrew takes that in before he scoffs and takes back his cigarette. “You told Kevin how strong and brave he was, and the idiot believed you.” He aggressively stabs out the butt, a sneer on his face. “If you keep flattering him, he just might let you suck his cock, in secret of course. Since its better for professional athletes to stay straight.” Neil is thrown by the heat in Andrew’s voice, at the words that were spit at him.

“Um, I don’t want to suck Kevin’s cock. Where did you get that idea from me helping with a panic attack?” Neil can’t keep the horror out of his voice at the thought of sleeping with Kevin. Andrew goes from hostile to considering at Neil’s words. “Why else would you let him talk you into going on TV or butt in on his personal matters?” He asks, Neil sucks in a breath as he thinks. “As much of an asshole that I think Kevin is, I couldn’t just let him pass out from hyperventilating. And I know that Riko won’t hesitate to go after any one of us if it will help him get Kevin back so is it really a personal matter if I can be collateral damage? Plus, I see Kevin as a friend, and I couldn’t just turn my back on him.” Neil tells him.

The first time, he had opened his mouth because he couldn’t stand the thought of both him and Kevin being crushed under the weight of their pasts. He had been so sure that he was going to die within the year and that gave him the need to see Kevin succeed. But Kevin became a close friend over the years, and even if Kevin doesn’t really know him yet he wasn’t able to fully separate what is with what might be.

“You told me that you were on the run from the Moriyamas. If you stand at Kevin’s side, I’ll stand between you and them. I’ll protect you as long as you keep Kevin’s attention.” Andrew finally offers, turning to look away from him. Neil hates how uneven things are right now, there’s no way he can accept that deal knowing that he’s planning on doing what Andrew wants and no desire to have Andrew put himself at risk for him. “I’d rather protection not be what I get from the deal,” Neil counters, Andrew looks at him in disbelief.

“You’re on the run and are stupid enough to turn down protection?” He scoffs at him, but Neil just shakes his head. “I don’t think it would be a fair trade, all I have to do is what I had been planning on anyway—helping keep Kevin from Riko. The people after me are no joke so your protection would be way more than what I am contributing.” Neil tells him, and Andrew gestures for him to suggest an alternative. “Stop tearing the team apart.” He watches as Andrew sits back down, “You want to keep Kevin here, the best way to do that is if we continue winning but if everyone is at each other’s throats we’ll never beat the Ravens. We need to be a full team, no more us versus them mentality. Work with me to bring everyone together, at least a little bit.” Neil knows that Andrew will hate this idea, but it’s either this or making the twins work on their issues which would be a good way to get a knife in the gut.

Andrew takes a while to consider his terms before agreeing. “This doesn’t mean I’ll let them hurt my people. I’ll play ball as long as they do but don’t expect miracles because no matter what you do, you’ll fail.” Andrew warns him. “I’m not looking for miracles, I know that while the upperclassmen lay the blame solely at your feet they are as much to blame as anyone else for the state of the team. I just want the chance to ease some of the tension.” Neil assures him, he knows that Andrew’s methods are harsh, but he never hurt anyone more than necessary and he always has a reason, it always annoyed him that the others refused to see what he did. That Andrew wasn’t a psychopath, just someone doing what he could to protect himself and his family with the skills he had.

Chapter Text

Neil gathers up his notes as the other students leave the classroom. He makes his way over to Bailey, one of his uncle’s men, and they go to get coffee together. Neil hadn’t met any of the Hatfords besides his uncle before he came back, but he really likes Bailey. They often end up debating things from the best car to steal to the most versatile weapons when they get the chance to talk.

“So, your uncle told me that word has spread about you being on campus. It shouldn’t be too long before Lola finds out.” Bailey starts speaking in Italian when they get their drinks and find a table to sit at to keep others from overhearing. Neil nods as he thinks about facing Lola again. Bailey will be shadowing Neil until she gets caught and while he isn’t too happy with it, he knows it’s better than ending up in Lola’s hands.

“I’m sure it’s only a matter of days before she comes here, she never was the most patient person. I’d rather have her dealt with before the fall banquet.” Neil tells him and Bailey winces at the idea of dealing with both Riko and Lola in one night. “Your uncle convince you to take someone with you yet?” He asks innocently and smiles at the scowl that takes over Neil’s face. “I don’t understand why he’s so focused on me dating when I’m trying to stay alive.” Neil complains, he wishes he could use Andrew as a way to get them off his back about finding ‘the one,’ but he never wants to do anything to make him uncomfortable—even if he wouldn’t find out about some small thing Neil told the Hatfords.

“He worries about you being alone, we all do.” Bailey says like it’s obvious but that’s what Neil doesn’t understand, “I’m not alone anymore though, I have my teammates, I have Stuart, and then there’s you which unfortunately counts.” Neil teases and smiles at Bailey’s laugh. God, did he ever smile when he was this age the first time? He had been so sure of his gruesome death and wary of letting anyone close. But now he knows he has people who’ll have his back, he feels safe even with his monsters still alive. “I think Stuart’s leaning more towards a partner, not just friends and family.” Bailey responds and Neil groans, “I’m not going to date someone just because people think that’s what I should do. I haven’t been interested in anyone relationship wise or even sexually up to this point, and I have more people in my corner than ever before, so everyone needs to back off.” Neil bites out, annoyed that people keep pushing on this.

Bailey follows him out of the coffee shop, “I’ll tell him, he means well but when he realizes that this isn’t you avoiding people because of your mother’s influence and just who you are he’ll come around.” Neil lets him pat his shoulder in solidarity or comfort or whatever before snorting, “We’ll see, but since I know that Stuart will want someone watching me during the banquet, I figured you could come in through the front door with me rather than an air vent?” Neil asks, and Bailey begins listing off all the ways the air vent is a superior method before he agrees, and Neil heads off to his last class of the day.

Neil was proven right about Lola’s impatience just a few days later. Neil had just walked inside the building when he heard a car peeling in. He sees the other foxes look up at the noise and sends a quick text to Bailey before he even looks to see Lola knocking on the door. Taking a deep breath, Neil pockets his phone and walks out to meet Lola. “Heya Junior!” She greets, pulling him into a hug to whisper threats into his ear. Neil tenses but doesn’t pull away, he needs to get her away from the foxes before someone realizes something is wrong.

“Lola, I wasn’t aware you were visiting.” He grits out when she finally lets him pull away. Neil sees movement in his peripheral and knows that its Andrew. If anyone was going to pick up on someone’s distress this quickly it would be him, but Neil wasn’t under his protection, so he starts walking towards Lola’s car and she lets out a delighted laugh as she follows. She whips them out of the parking lot and Neil sees Andrew standing by the door, staring after them. “Well junior, I was surprised to find that you’d stopped running. Doesn’t seem like something your bitch of a mother would allow.” She says, a cruel smile on her face as she pulls a knife to press against his throat.

“She’s dead, she doesn’t control me anymore.” Neil spits out, he sees a car pull in behind them and knows its Bailey, so he won’t have to wait much longer. Lola laughs at that before slicing a cut into his chest. With the knife off his throat, Neil throws a punch to distract her while he jerks the wheel off the road. Lola manages to get him with the knife again before she focuses on stopping the car from crashing. When they stop, Neil gets his door open and ahold of Lola’s knife before she can get out of the car. He hears a car pull in behind them but focuses on fighting Lola. He’s able to slash her throat before she can do more than punch him and Neil watches as she struggles to breathe.

“Finally, the bitch is dead.” Bailey says behind him as he and another of Stuart’s people, someone Neil doesn’t recognize move to stand beside him. “Alex will take care of the evidence and I’ll get you patched up and back to your dorm.” Bailey says, slowly reaching for the knife Neil forgot he was holding. He gives it over easily and lets Bailey lead him to his car. They clean up the two cuts but there isn’t much to do for what will be a spectacular black eye. As they are driving back to the tower, Neil gets a message from Stuart telling him they had moved on his father as soon as they got word that Lola had him. Nathan was finally dead. Neil tells Bailey and goes silent, unable to believe it yet.

He gets back to the dorms before morning practice is over and just changes his clothes before climbing onto his bed. He ignores Matt and Seth when they come back, keeping his face turned away when Matt comes to ask where he went and if he wanted to go eat with the others. Neil just needs time to internalize that his biggest monster was dead, that he wouldn’t have to face Nathan ever again.

He can tell that Matt is worried about him when he gets back from lunch with the others but when it becomes clear that Neil won’t answer him, he leaves him alone. Neil stays in bed, staring at his wall the rest of the day, and plans to do the same that night but after Matt and Seth leave to have dinner, someone starts picking the lock to their dorm. Neil freezes at the sound before realizing it was probably Andrew. He hadn’t told him to not break into his room this time around.

Neil listens enough to make sure someone wasn’t stealing anything before turning back to the wall. He is proven right when Andrew opens the door to the bedroom and stands at the end of his bunk bed. Neil doesn’t react and he can tell Andrew is annoyed by his lack luster response. “Matt is telling everyone you’re having a mental breakdown.” He finally breaks the silence and Neil snorts because he doubts that’s what Matt said. “Fine, he thinks you might be sick and doesn’t know if he should make you soup or take medicine.” Andrew amends his statement and that sounds like Matt.

“Not sick,” he responds, taking a moment to stretch out from the ball he’d been in since noon. He winces as he pulls on the cuts but sits up to face Andrew since he doubts he’ll leave him alone until he gets what he came for. He sees Andrew’s eyes lock onto the black eye but just motions for him to move out of his way. Since he can’t keep dissociating with Andrew there, he might as well get something to drink. He’d been thirsty since Matt came back from lunch.

Andrew follows him into the kitchen and watches him chug a glass of water. When he goes to leave though, Andrew grabs his sleeve and pulls him back into the kitchen. “What?” Neil asks, confused and unhappy to still be standing. “From that little display, I’ll take it that you haven’t eaten since you got back.” Andrew states and Neil realizes it’s true. “Oh,” is all he says as he moves to look into the fridge for something and comes back with some assorted fruits. This apparently doesn’t please Andrew because he tells him that he’s ordering food, so Neil just tells him his preferred place and order and goes to sit in the living room with his fruit.

“Are you ready to tell me what happened to your face?” Andrew asks, voice blank, but Neil can see the tightening of his jaw, so he knows Andrew isn’t happy. “Got punched.” Neil mumbles around a strawberry and watches as Andrew forces himself to stay blank. “By who? The woman you left with earlier?” He asks but not really expecting an answer since he already knows it was. “Her name was Lola, she worked for my father.” Neil gives instead, knowing that he doesn’t have to hide it anymore since his father is dead. Andrew clocks the past tense and lifts an eyebrow at him. “I slit her throat,” Neil answers the unasked question, and he can see the interest in Andrew’s eyes.

“Not what I was expecting from a rabbit.” Is what he says. Neil lets his father’s smile out before responding, “I never agreed that I was a rabbit.” He lets Andrew watch him, content to sit in silence as he feels calmer now. Their food arrives and Neil waits until he’s almost finished before continuing. “My father’s dead now too.” He knows Andrew will be mad about his earlier lie and wants to get it out of the way now.

“You told me he was dead at the beginning of the year.” Andrew spits at him, anger coming and going from his face. “I lied, I was sure that my father was going to catch up to me, especially after I decided to stay near Kevin, and if anyone knew the truth when he arrived, they’d be killed as well. I wasn’t willing to let anyone die because I was too selfish to run.” Neil gives him the truth from the first time, it was part of the reason he’d told the same lie this time too, incase his plan failed he wanted to keep the others safe.

“My father was Nathan Wesninski, he’s also known as the Butcher of Baltimore and was the right hand to Kengo Moriyama.” Neil watches as Andrew takes in the information before continuing, “My mother took me when I was a child because my father was to either give me to Tetsuji or kill me to prove his loyalty to the main branch. I know firsthand how cruel my father was and there was no way I was going to cause someone else’s death if I could help it.” Neil knows that Andrew will still be angry at the lie, will hate the idea of someone trying to protect him, even if he was bunched together with the other foxes. “Kevin told me about the butcher, how he cut a man to pieces in front of him, Riko, and his son Nathaniel.” Neil flinches a little at the name but hearing it isn’t as much of a problem as it used to be. “Kevin told me that Nathaniel disappeared after that and was declared dead a few years later.” Neil nods, “My father failed when he let my mother steal me and 5 million dollars from the Moriyama’s, so he was tasked with getting us back if possible or killing us. He decided he’d tell them that he had completed the job but kept searching for us in secret. That way when he finally caught us, he wouldn’t have to worry about them demanding he hand me over and could take his time killing me.” Neil hadn’t learned that until after his deal with Ichirou, he knows that lie was one of the reasons he let the Hatfords kill Nathan.

“Why are you telling me this now? Just because he’s dead?” Andrew asks, suspicious. “Yes, he’s no longer a threat and so there’s no reason to hide it anymore. Frankly I’m surprised Kevin didn’t recognize me before, even with the contacts and dye. I planned on telling him also. Despite how often I had to lie on the run, I’ve found I have lost my taste for it. Is it stupid that I don’t want to lie anymore?” Neil asks, staring at Andrew, who despite learning such awful things about Neil never flinched.

“Yes, but you’ve never let being stupid stop you.” Andrew says as he stands to leave Neil’s dorm and Neil lets out a surprised laugh at his words. “If you ever lie to me again, I’ll kill you.” Andrew threatens and Neil nods as he stands too. “I can’t promise that I’ll be able to answer everything, but I promise that instead of lying I’ll just tell you that I can’t answer yet.” Neil knows that Andrew understands the difference and they part ways.

Neil dodges the questions about his eye from the other foxes, not ready to spill everything yet but eventually they back down when he tells them to wait. He’s back to classes and practices the next day and can feel a lot of his tension fade away. While he isn’t free yet, he is ready to fight until he is.

Chapter Text

Despite however many shopping trips Neil was subjected to through the years, he still finds it tedious and was glad that Bailey had reminded him that he needed to buy a suit and had already gotten one before Nicky descended on him the week before the banquet to take him shopping. Nicky had been skeptical when Neil said he’d already picked out a suit but eventually gave up trying to pester Neil about it when he realized Neil wasn’t going to let him see the suit nor was he going to go shopping so Nicky could buy him a ‘better’ one.

Neil had gotten better at picking out clothes the longer he was with Andrew. The only reason he started to care about his clothing was because he liked the way Andrew’s eyes would linger on him in certain pants or would reach out under the guise of smoothing down his shirts when he was really feeling him up. So he started paying attention to what Andrew liked on him and began searching for clothes that put that look in his eyes while also made Neil comfortable. He’d also had Bailey with him when he went looking for a suit and the Hatfords and their people are known for being well dressed so he’s looking forward to the look on Nicky’s face when he sees what he picked.

The day of the banquet, Neil gets dressed at Bailey’s apartment so they could drive over together. He let the other man fuss with his hair while he talks about what to expect from Riko. “I’m sure it’s too much to ask that you keep your temper leashed. You Hatfords have never been great at that.” Bailey teases as they pull into the court parking lot. “From what I’ve heard, you aren’t any better, Hatford or not. I recall hearing about a certain dinner party where you got into a fight with the guest?” Neil throws back as they get out of the car and Bailey laughs loudly, “Which of the backstabbers told you? You’d think they’d be loyal to me what with how long we’ve all been together.” Neil refuses to name his informant much to Bailey’s mock indignation and they realize everyone had stopped talking to stare at them.

Neil is pleased to see Nicky’s mouth drop open in shock as he takes in his suit, but he grows uncomfortable at the stares and turns to share a look with Bailey who unfortunately seems to love the attention as he gives him a teasing smile before linking their arms together. Luckily Wymack arrives and orders everyone onto the bus before anyone can comment and Neil makes Bailey sit on the outside so he can keep avoiding everyone.

They converse in Italian for the ride, Neil refusing to acknowledge the foxes when they ask him anything and he sees Bailey hide a smile at his behavior. He hears Kevin start to panic the closer they get to their destination, so he leaves Bailey to whisper words of encouragement in French and have Kevin go through the grounding exercises since they worked last time. Once Kevin can breathe again, Neil heads back to Bailey who was talking with Allison. Neil knows he’s going to regret that happening, but he just shoved Bailey over and bites out a really in Italian when he sees Bailey’s trouble starting grin. Allison looks between them before laughing and heading back to Seth. “What?” Bailey asks innocently which makes Neil huff and reply, “You were leading her to believe that we’re dating, that’s what.” He had heard Allison ask how long they’d been together, and Bailey told her they met towards the beginning of the year. Neil knows there’s going to be bets about this by the end of the night. Bailey just laughs and they start debating the merits of knowing fencing.

Neil hears Dan’s curse when she sees the seating arrangements and he makes sure to sit on her other side, as close to Riko as he can get. Bailey gives his arm a quick squeeze as he sits down next to him and Neil watches as Andrew sits on Matt’s other side with Kevin next to him. He can tell that Kevin is scared but he’s putting on a good show of indifference. Andrew makes eye contact with Neil when he sees him watching and Neil flicks a look to Riko and back to give him a small shrug to let him know that he isn’t planning on backing down tonight. Andrew rolls his eyes but turns back to Kevin.

It goes the same, Riko and company taunt the foxes, but it doesn’t hurt them. They’d never care what Riko thought of them, so his words didn’t matter. Neil keeps quiet, he knows Riko will get to him eventually but until then Neil keeps an eye on how everyone is acting. He watches Jean the most, he was planning on helping the man escape earlier but he isn’t sure if Jean will accept it or not.

Finally, Riko turns to sneer at Neil, “Is that why your new child is being so quiet?” Neil feels the foxes’ attention turn to him but he just looks at Riko. “He doesn’t have anything ‘nice’ to say?” Dan tells Riko to leave him alone and Neil just keeps staring, he knows Riko is getting frustrated by his lack of response. “What a coward,” Riko said with exaggerated disappointment. “Just like his mother.” Neil stays silent, he is past the time when Riko’s words would have set off his temper and he has come to accept that his mother was only marginally better than his father, or the Moriyamas. Riko’s smirk falls as Neil doesn’t rise to his bait and Neil can feel Bailey stifle a laugh because he knows that while Neil hasn’t said anything yet, he’s planning on ripping Riko apart.

The foxes go quiet as they wait for the next move. Riko wears anger badly, probably a strange thing to notice as he’s being yelled at, but Riko’s eyes seem to bulge out of his head the madder he gets and there’s something stuck in his teeth and it’s hard for Neil to keep from laughing. Oh, apparently he hadn’t been successful because Riko falls silent, and everyone is looking at him as he lets out another laugh. “Sorry, continue. I’ll take it more seriously this time.” Neil says when he gets ahold himself, he makes the other foxes laugh and the ravens’ eyes widen in surprise.

Riko goes to speak, and Neil can’t help himself, “Actually, you know I get it, being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court—yeah sounds rough. The other foxes and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.” Neil ignores Kevin’s choked “Neil”

“I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So won’t you just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.” Neil lets the silence sit for a moment as jaws drop up and down the line before adding, “Also, I don’t know if you were aware of this but there’s something stuck between your teeth and you might want to fix that before talking to anyone else, they might laugh at you.”

Dan sends a laughing Matt to get Wymack and Neil feels Bailey rest his head on his shoulder as he tries to smother his laughter. He looks at a pale Kevin as Jean tells him about having to have better control over the butcher’s son and waits until they are changing seats to promise to explain everything later. He sits beside Bailey and listens to the foxes retell his tear down of Riko and locks eyes with Andrew who raises an unimpressed eyebrow to which Neil gives a small smile.

When they are told to go mingle, Neil stands off to the side with Bailey as he keeps an eye on his teammates. “Well at least when you go off you don’t hold back. That was beautiful. Though when you started laughing during his rant, I was ready to stop you from killing him, your great aunt is known to laugh like that before she guts someone.” Bailey says and Neil pictures his great aunt May and can’t say he’s surprised as she gave off a vibe not to be messed with.

Bailey tries to get Neil to dance but Neil refuses. He already will have to put up with the foxes about bringing a date, he doesn’t want to give them more reason to think he’s dating Bailey. They make their way over when the ravens corner everyone else and Neil gets to see Dan nail one of them in the groin with her heels again much to his delight. Then Neil lets Riko drag him into the locker room. He knows Bailey had seen him leave and this time he wasn’t afraid of Riko. He knows he could kill him here and now if he needed too.

“Nathaniel, it has been so long.”

Neil doesn’t respond, knowing that will upset Riko more than anything he could say. “Imagine my surprise when I learned that Nathaniel Wesninski had joined teams with Kevin. I was ready to yell at Kevin for keeping such a secret from me but from what I just saw, he has no idea who you are.” Riko pushes closer, crowding Neil against the lockers. “I was surprised that he didn’t recognize me either, but I had been planning on telling him after the banquet anyway so thanks for helping out.” Neil can tell that Riko was frustrated by his lack of fear, and he just waited calmly for Riko to speak. Riko slams him into the lockers, “You will regret that you stopped running. By the end of the year, you’ll join me in the nest, and I’ll take great pleasure in teaching you to speak only when I tell you too. Or I’ll give you to your father so he can take his time killing you.”

Neil snorts at that, “Oh, I guess the main branch has failed to inform you, that makes sense what with how utterly useless to them you are.” Neil smiles as Riko slams him back again. “What is that supposed to mean?” He growls out, hands tightening on Neil’s shoulders enough that there’ll be bruises. “It means that Nathan is dead, as are most of his people. So that little threat of yours is no longer viable. And let’s face it, you’ll never come anywhere close to Nathan’s level of cruelty or skill.” Neil uses Riko’s shock to push him away and he sends the bastard his father’s smile, “But I can assure you that I am my father’s son, and I learned well so if I were you, I’d be careful getting on my bad side unless you want to experience it firsthand.” Neil’s smile grows when Riko flinches from his hand, and he leaves the locker room to find Bailey.

He stumbles on Andrew first, who had been making his way to the locker room but stopped when he saw Neil. They both turn to watch Riko brush his way past them, but Neil huffs out a laugh when the man refuses to look at him. Andrew watches him go before turning back to Neil. “Do I even want to know?” and Neil shakes his head, “Probably not, but I will tell you that he almost pissed himself which was pretty funny.” Neil moves to stand in front of Andrew, “Were you looking for me?” he asks, smiling at Andrew’s scowl. “Matt said he saw you walk off with Riko, and coach sent me to make sure we didn’t lose one of our players.” Andrew starts to say something else when Bailey finds them.

“Neil. I’ve been looking all over.” Bailey cries as he throws an arm around his shoulder. Neil turns to give a questioning look at Bailey but all he gets is a large smile. “It’s not surprising that you couldn’t find me at the dessert table, maybe try somewhere that I’d willingly go to.” Neil tells him, wiping a smear of icing off his cheek, making Bailey give an exaggerated wince. “How was I to know that you hadn’t snuck into a cupcake until I tried them all.” Neil snorts at that but turns when Andrew starts walking away. He sees a dark look before Andrew is out of sight. “What just happened?” Neil asks no one in particular but Bailey turns from watching Andrew leave to give Neil a hard stare. “He probably thought he was interrupting couple stuff.” Bailey says and keeps watching Neil, who has to stop himself from going after Andrew to explain how wrong he is.

Bailey must see something in his eyes because he smiles slightly, “Thought you didn’t swing?” He makes sure Neil can tell he’s joking rather than accusing him and Neil sighs. “I don’t, but Andrew is different.” Bailey lights up, “Is this a recent thing or have you been trying to keep Stuart away from him?” Neil lets Bailey pull him towards the others and realizes they are leaving much to his relief.

Once they are seated, Neil switches to Italian. “It’s complicated. I don’t think Stuart would be able to intimidate him, and actually I think it might be entertaining to lock them in a room together and just watch what happens.” Neil says and Bailey laughs asking to be invited. “But I know that if it’s not him then I won’t end up with anyone. There’s no one else that could possibly keep up with me or keep my interest and I know if I tell Stuart that I found one person he’ll be even more pushy about me being able to find someone else.” Neil admits and Bailey looks a little shocked by how honest he was.

“You’re talking like it’s over before its even started. From what I’ve seen I think he’s interested in you.” Bailey says and Neil nods, “It’s not that he isn’t attracted to me, but I’m keeping such a large secret from him, one that has knocked everything out of balance between us and if there’s anything Andrew hates its being on unequal footing. So when he finds out, he might decide that it’s not possible and if so I don’t want Stuart trying to set me up on dates to get over my heartbreak. Better he has no idea unless things work out between us.” Neil glares at Bailey to get him to promise not to tell anyone and they sit quietly for the rest of the ride.

Chapter Text

Looking back, it was probably a mistake to spend the night at Bailey’s apartment. But they had to talk over what happened with Riko and update Stuart and it had been late enough that Neil just wanted to sleep. So, he’d crashed on Bailey’s couch and woke to coffee and Bailey facetiming with his partners. Neil spent the morning being caught up on Hatford drama and learning embarrassing stories about Bailey.

Cut to now and Neil is really regretting also letting Bailey drop him off at Abby’s for a team bonding thing. At least all of the foxes are getting along with a common goal in mind. Neil just wishes that goal wasn’t trying to get him to admit that Bailey was his boyfriend. Interestingly, Nicky was the only one, besides Andrew of course, who wasn’t demanding answers. After that disastrous night in Columbia, Neil had pulled Nicky aside to talk about him trying to force a kiss. Nicky had at first tried to say he didn’t mean anything by it but eventually Neil got him to understand that just because Nicky hadn’t meant anything, that doesn’t mean that it hadn’t affected Neil. He told Nicky that he had no interest in kissing or sex and on top of Neil being drugged out of his mind he almost hadn’t been able to get away from Nicky, at least until he’d kneed him in the groin.

So Nicky was being quiet, most likely because of that talk, he even tried to get the others to back off a little when he noticed how uncomfortable Neil was. “Come on Neil, just settle one bet. Either tell us that you’re dating Bailey or whether your gay or bi.” Allison whines, and Neil notices the way Seth’s body tenses. “I’m not dating Bailey, so that’s a bet settled and if you paid any attention to the things I say then the sexuality one would be settled as well.” Neil bites out, but his words just get the foxes even more excited. “When did you tell anyone your sexuality?” Allison demands, looking at all the foxes for an answer. Neil grinds his teeth but makes eye contact with Nicky, maybe it coming from him will make it stick in their heads.

Nicky’s eyes widen but he gives a small nod and turns to the others. “Neil has said multiple times that he doesn’t swing for any team. Not straight, gay, or bi.” This shuts the others up, probably because Nicky had been the one leading the charge about who Neil was attracted to. “But.” Allison tries to speak but Nicky shushes her, the look on her face might just make this night worth it. “No, it’s not his fault that no one bet on none of the above, so really I think the money should go to him. Especially since he’s told us multiple times that he didn’t want to talk about this.” Neil is surprised that Nicky would go that far but can’t say he hates the idea. It has been annoying being talked over about his lack of attraction, like others knew better about himself than he did.

The foxes quickly agree and as they hand over their money, they apologize for not listening and Neil tells them he’ll accept as long as they don’t do it again. The rest of the night goes better, and Neil lets Andrew’s lot drive him back to the tower so he can have a quick conversation with Nicky in Spanish. “Thanks for getting them to back off.” Neil whispers to Nicky beside him since Andrew’s dose had been lowered enough that he could drive again. He sees everyone in the car look over at his words, but he ignores them. “I should have done it earlier, you told me from the beginning that you weren’t interested and that you weren’t comfortable, but I just kept pushing. It won’t happen again.” Nicky promises and raises his pinky making Neil snort in amusement before completing the promise.

Seth is the only one in his dorm when he gets back. He is watching something on the tv so Neil heads into the bedroom. After he changes, Neil goes to get something to drink but Seth stops him. “Are you really not attracted to anyone? I mean when I saw how you didn’t react to Ally, I figured you were a fag but really, not anyone?” Neil takes a deep breath before deciding Fuck it. “Seth, no one else on this team is homophobic, many of them aren’t even straight. So why do you insist on saying things like that?” Neil asks, watching Seth closely. He has an idea but wants to see if he’s right. “The only fag is Nicky, what the fuck are you talking about?” Seth demands, face turning red in what Seth probably wants him to believe is anger, but Neil can see the fear in his eyes.

“Matt is openly bisexual, he’s talked about previous partners before, so I’m surprised you hadn’t noticed. Allison wears a pride pin so even if she isn’t a member, it means she’s a big ally and I’m sure she hates when you say shit like that either way. You really need to do yourself a favor and get over your internalized homophobia before she smartens up and leaves your ass. I don’t know which parent tried to beat the straight into you, but it obviously hasn’t worked so you need to get over yourself.” Neil is probably laying it on too thick, but he sees the fear turn into desperate anger as Seth jumps off the couch to attack him and knows he's right.

“You fucker!” Seth yells with a fist aimed at his face but Neil side steps and easily knocks him on his ass. Seth goes to stand but Neil puts his knee to his throat. He waits for Seth to calm enough to listen. “No one here would think less of you if they found out you were gay or bi. They might expect you to apologize because of all the hostile homophobic comments but they wouldn’t belittle you. When will you stop letting other people control you?” Neil keeps his voice calm and low, he knows that whoever fucked Seth up had plenty of time to make sure their lessons stuck but maybe Neil can cause some doubt.

“Get off me.” Seth growls and Neil stands up before offering Seth his hand. Seth stares at it for a long time before letting Neil help him up. “My dad was an awful man, he wanted to turn me into his shadow. He often tried to beat the lessons into me before my mom took me away from him. I know what it’s like being told how to act or feel and having to unlearn everything you thought was true. Just because they tried their best to mold you into their ideal doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.” Neil offers as he backs out of Seth’s space. It’s quiet while Seth takes in his words.

“My father caught me kissing a boy when I was younger. I’ll never forgot the beating he gave me for it, and after that he made sure to keep an eye on me.” Seth’s admission comes out quiet and broken. “I think you should talk to someone, Betsy, or Allison maybe. They’ll be able to help you get out from under his thumb.” Neil responds and heads into the kitchen to get a drink. He hands Seth a beer and gets a nod in thanks before he asks if he can watch tv with him. Seth looks at him funny but doesn’t object so they spend a few hours watching a show Neil doesn’t get and Seth takes great pleasure in ignoring his questions.

A few days later, Allison barges into his room and rushes towards him. Neil flinches away at the sudden movement, and Allison stops to give him a considering look. “Can I give you a quick hug?” Neil says yes and lets her awkwardly hang off his shoulders before she pulls away and pats him. “What was that for?” Neil asks when she moves to sit down beside him on the couch. “Seth just told me that he’s started sessions with Bee, this was after he told me he was bi, and he realized he needed to stop letting his bastard father control his life. Then he tells me that it’s all because of you.” Allison looks really happy. Last time she lost Seth and while she managed to go on, he thinks this is better. “I just told him that no one else on the team gives a shit about anyone being gay or bi. That whoever convinced him that he was wrong wasn’t worth his time.” Neil says quietly.

“But how did you know he was doing all that because he was disgusted at himself?” Allison asks. “I haven’t known Seth long and I’m not particularly close to him, so I was able to look at what he was doing without feelings being involved and I noticed that every time he said something homophobic there was fear in his eyes.” Neil tells her, he can see that she feels guilty that she hadn’t seen the reason for Seth’s lashing out. She accepts that and tension melts off her shoulders. “How can I repay you?” She brushes off her emotions easily and they are back to safer territory. “Um, well actually. Can you help me go back to my natural hair color?” Neil asks, he’d been thinking about it for a while now. Allison raises a brow at that. “If I’m going to tell Seth that he needs to stop letting his father control him then I should probably practice what I preach.” He answers and Allison looks confused but agrees to help.

She has Seth meet them at her car and tells him that they were on a mission to piss off their fathers and while it was weird, Neil likes listening to them argue playfully as he just goes where directed. He finds the closest to his natural hair and sees Allison’s gleeful look. They pick up things for Allison and Neil lets her talk him into trying out eye liner. He thinks it might help since his father would have carved his own eyes out before wearing makeup.

Seth goes tense at that but manages to control his mouth. Allison rewards him with a kiss and something sexual if the red at Seth’s ears is anything to go by but thankfully Neil doesn’t hear what. They make it back to the tower and Allison drags them to her room because it’s easiest. After the dye is out, Neil looks in the mirror and removes the contacts. Allison and Seth both send him questioning looks and Neil smiles a little, “I look like my father, it always made my mother angry to see my eyes or real hair color, so it was easier to hide it. But it is time to stop running.” Neil tells them and he lets Allison put on the eye liner and when he looks in the mirror, he just sees Neil. “Thank you.” He tells her and he lets her cut his hair before heading to class.

He’s the last to arrive at practice because one of his classmates kept asking him for help understanding one of their problem sets and when he walks in everyone goes quiet to stare at him. He’d forgotten the hair change and runs a self-conscious hand through it. He sees Kevin pale a little but otherwise doesn’t run screaming from the room so that’s good. “Come sit down, Josten. They’ll pick their jaws from the floor once they get over how hot you look.” Seth calls from where he’s sitting with Allison. He goes a little red as he realizes what he’s said but Allison settles him by whispering something in his ear.

Neil takes the chair beside them and tries to ignore the others. There wasn’t this much of a reaction last time but maybe the bruises and cuts and tattoo had helped with that. He kind of wishes for that now. “Did I hear that? Has Neil turned Seth?” Nicky squeaks out and Neil can feel Seth bristle beside him. He gives him a look to calm him before he does more damage and rather than bite back at Nicky, Seth just shrugs his shoulders. “Not like I’m the only one.” He mutters against Allison’s shoulder but loud enough that everyone hears. He can see that Nicky is dying to say something but when he makes eye contact with Neil he settles. The other foxes start to talk but Wymack comes in and distracts them.

Practice is weird because Seth isn’t antagonizing everyone, but the others are dying to continue with what happened earlier. Seth sticks to either Allison or Neil when they aren’t running plays and Neil can feel Andrew staring at him whenever Seth starts a conversation. Neil takes the chance to ask Seth to consider apologizing to Nicky, maybe having him sit in on a session so Betsy could help moderate it. Neil makes sure to let Seth know that he appreciates the effort when he agrees to think about it, that gets him a slap on the back by an embarrassed Seth. After practice is over, Seth manages to slip away before anyone can question him, and Neil takes his cues from Allison who isn’t answering any questions.

Though he does pull Nicky aside before the monsters leave. “I know that Seth has tormented you the whole time you’ve known him. I’m not asking you to forget that ever happened, but I think Seth is trying to change and maybe you both can clear the air between you. At the very least I don’t think he’ll attack you again.” Neil tells him quietly as they wait for Kevin and Aaron to finish showering. Andrew is watching them but makes no move to interfere. “I don’t understand, Neil, what is even happening.” Nicky whisper yells in Spanish and Neil just pats his shoulder. “If Seth doesn’t try to talk with you by the end of the week, I’ll help you corner him so you can get an apology, okay?” Neil is interrupted by Seth before Nicky can respond.

Seth shuffles over awkwardly and Neil steps back to let him talk to Nicky. He sees Andrew ready to intervene and makes sure to stay close enough to help if needed. “Nicky, do you have like an hour or two right now?” Seth asks, he shoots a look at Neil before locking eyes with Nicky. “I have some time, but for what?” Nicky asks with a little panic in his voice. Seth hears that and slumps a little. “I owe you an apology and an explanation, but I think it would be better if we have this talk with Betsy. I don’t want to fuck it up because I let my temper get the better of me.” Seth replies and Nicky’s mouth drops open in shock. Seth waits him out, and even when the silence and staring clearly makes him uncomfortable he doesn’t attack Nicky. “Oh, um yeah sure. Andrew I’m going to head out, I’ll be back at the dorm later.” Nicky calls over Seth’s shoulder and Neil can see how not happy Andrew is at that. “Betsy drove me back over so we could pick you up, she felt that might make you feel more comfortable rather than being alone with me.” Seth tells Nicky but makes his voice loud enough for Andrew to hear.

Andrew nods to Nicky and they watch as the two men head out towards the parking lot. “Meddling again I see.” Andrew says when it’s just the two of them. “I didn’t really do anything. Just took the opportunity when the chance arose.” Neil says. He hadn’t expected Seth to actually listen to him, but aside from the homophobic comments Seth wasn’t a bad guy, there was obviously a reason Allison was with him. “And yet, Seth has been looking to you to see how he should act. And I highly doubt he came up with taking Nicky to Bee on his own.” Andrew points out. “Like I said, I saw a chance and I took it. I don’t know how any of this is going to turn out but I’m hoping it keeps going up.” Neil nods to Andrew before making his way out of the building.

Chapter Text

That night he is able to talk to Kevin about what happened at the banquet. They are running through drills while Andrew naps in the stands when Neil starts. “My father’s dead. Riko didn’t know that before the banquet.” His words cause Kevin to misstep and his throw goes wide of the goal. He turns to stare at Neil, face paling. “What?” Neil shakes his head.

“My father is dead, as are most of his people. One of the reasons I was okay signing to a team with you was because I knew he wouldn’t live to make me regret it.” Neil turns to rebound the ball, but Kevin is still too thrown to even attempt to catch it. Neil sighs but decides it might be better to have this conversation with no distractions.

“You’re saying you killed your father?” Kevin asks incredulously. “No, I killed Lola, my uncle killed Nathan. When I realized that I was tired of running I finally got ahold of him, and we started working on a plan to kill him and to keep me out of the Moriyama’s hands. After my father died, I was planning on telling you, but Riko beat me to it.” Neil can see that Kevin is close to hyperventilating. He quickly pushes him down with his head between his knees. “Breathe, why are you the one panicking?” Neil waits for Kevin to match him before pulling back enough to meet his eyes.

“You’re safe, I promise that I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the others. All you need to do is keep playing, get us ready to beat the Ravens come championships.” Neil’s confidence shocks Kevin out of his head. “We won’t win.” He denies, but Neil just tells him they will. “You shouldn’t have come here, Riko is going to take you.” Kevin’s voice is defeated, and Neil flicks him on the head, annoyed by how broken he sounded. “I would rather die than let Riko own me, I swear that I am not going down without a fight and if you can’t promise the same thing then I don’t know why I gave you my game, you’ll just end up back at the nest so it’s pointless.” Neil moves to walk away, and Kevin snags his jersey. “No, I’m not going back either, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I won’t let him win.” Kevin’s voice goes steady, and determination fills his eyes.

“Keep that drive and Riko will finally realize who number one really is.” Neil holds out a hand to help Kevin stand up and they continue. Kevin plays with a fierceness he had been lacking at this point but that grew once he was out of Riko’s reach and Neil is glad to see it back. Scanning the stands, he sees Andrew alert and watching them so he must have been waiting to see if Kevin had a panic attack and he needed to intervene. Neil salutes him before turning back to the drills, he can practically feel Andrew’s scoff from here.

They keep winning their games, much to the shock of the foxes and everyone else. Neil might have created a monster when he told Kevin they would beat Riko but despite how much more demanding Kevin has become he was getting results. The foxes were working together as a team both on and off the court, so they ignored Kevin’s insults and listened to the advice. At least as much as possible, even Neil had wanted to clock him a few times in sheer frustration and annoyance.

Halloween comes around and Neil finds himself in Andrew’s dorm, watching him smoke. “What.” Andrew asks, and Neil realizes he might have been staring a little too long, he flushes slightly and turns to stare at the wall beside Andrew. “I wanted to ask if you were comfortable with the rest of the team joining you guys at Eden’s tonight. Or if you’d rather, Dan has been wanting to have a movie night with everyone.” Neil waits for Andrew to think it over, he watches the smoke curl around his face blurring his features slightly. “Why are you asking, your deal was team bonding, you can do whatever you want.” Andrew spits as he finally looks at Neil.

Neil frowns at that, “The deal was attempting to bring the foxes together, not me deciding to inflict them on you whenever I want. The other things Dan had talked about did not seem like things you’d enjoy since you’d have to be around them constantly. With Eden’s everyone does their own thing and the movie night you would be able to go to the roof or your dorm when you felt like it. But you’re a part of the team, your opinion matters just as much as the others, and I don’t want to force you to do something when you aren’t comfortable with it.” Neil finishes and watches Andrew watch him.

Finally, Andrew puts out the cigarette and turns to face him fully. “Bring them to Eden’s if they want. It’s a public space, but I will not put in more effort than that.” Neil nods as he takes in Andrew’s tone to see if he is really okay with it. He definitely isn’t excited but does seem to be indifferent. “Of course, just let me know if anything changes and I’ll take them back here or something.” Andrew narrows his eyes at the offer but doesn’t respond so Neil heads back to his dorm. He lets the upperclassmen know and after they get over their shock they agree. Allison takes him and Seth shopping for costumes which makes Neil long for the zombie cowboy.

On the night of, Neil rides with Allison because she wants to surprise the others with his costume and Neil can already tell the night will be long. They get there after the other two groups and Neil lets Allison drag him towards their tables. Seth gives him an apologetic pat on the back and Neil lets the others fawn over him for a moment. “Really, a little on the nose, isn’t it?” Dan snorts as she takes in Neil’s skintight pants, fake mesh shirt and orange fox ears and tail. Matt gives him a once over before grinning, “I think he looks hot. Good job Allison.” He throws an arm over Neil’s should and fiddles with the ears a bit.

Neil glares at them for a moment before letting Andrew tug him to the bar to help with drinks. “Allison thinks she’s funny.” Is all he gets about the look and Neil grimaces. “It was either this or something with a short skirt and no matter how “delicious” my thighs are there was no way I was going wear that.” Neil tells him, he had been uncomfortable with all of the options she’d given him, most of them would have left him shirtless or freezing with how little there was. Andrew seems to miss a step at his words but he is back to normal quickly so Neil might have imagined it.

They get to the bar and Roland lets out a whistle when he spots Neil. He tugs on his sleeves, uncomfortable as Roland starts complimenting his outfit. He ignores everything the man says and waits impatiently for the drinks to be finished. He decides to drink a little, just enough to offset the uncomfortable outfit and he can tell Andrew is surprised. When he sees the questioning look on his face Neil shrugs, “I doubt I can get through this night completely sober. Plus, with you and the others here I’m not worried.” Andrew scoffs and turns back to Roland at his words. Eventually they get back to the table and Neil does a few shots with everyone, feeling the room go fuzzy and his nerves calm a little.

He lets Allison and Seth pull him to the dance floor. He didn’t like the crowds, but he did enjoy the music pounding through his body. Allison made sure they stayed close to him, so no one tried to touch him, and Neil lets his mind quiet. He looks towards the tables once and thinks he sees Andrew watching the dance floor, but he’s gone soon after. Eventually, Neil starts to lose his buzz and being so close to strangers starts to make his skin buzz.

He’s thinking about going to sit down when a hand slides around his waist and pulls him flush to someone’s chest. “Hey, gorgeous. You looked lonely so I thought I would come entertain you.” The man breathes into his ear and Neil can feel his body screaming at him to run. “No, I’m done dancing and I’m not looking to hook up with anyone so find someone else to fuck.” Neil tells the stranger as he pulls at the arm wrapped around him. The man lets out a playful whine while he pulls Neil’s body closer to his. “Aw, baby. There’s no need to play hard to get. I think your fucking hot already.” Neil can feel the man’s mouth heading for his neck, so he slams his head back against his, making the man curse and finally let go. “I said no, asshole. If you touch me again, I’ll carve the skin from your face.” Neil threatens as he shoves the man away from him.

He heads back to the table and finds it empty. Neil sits down as the rush of anger leaves him and the crawling of his skin comes to the forefront with a vengeance. He’s disappointed that Andrew isn’t sitting at the table, he’s feeling wrongfooted and knows that Andrew would help calm that. He looks to the bar and sees that Roland is missing as well so depending on when Andrew left, he might have a while before he comes back.

Neil scans the club for the other foxes, debating if he should stay at the table or risk the crowd to find someone he knows. When he sees everyone on the dance floor he decides to wait. Someone will come back to rest or drink, and he’ll be able to snag them without having to deal with anyone else touching him. He pulls out his phone and asks Bailey to distract him while he waits. He spends the next fifteen minutes learning about his cousin Ally’s stupidest mistakes and startles when a body sits down at the table. He looks up to see that Andrew is back and he slumps in relief.

Andrew of course doesn’t miss the reaction and he looks Neil over for a reason. “What happened?” He demands when Neil stays quiet. Neil sighs and puts away his phone. “Someone insisted that I dance with them, so I decided I’d had enough of the crowd tonight.” Neil answers, he scans the dance floor again to check on the others before turning back to Andrew. “That’s not all that happened.” Andrew states, eyes piercing into Neil. “He just managed to come up behind me without me realizing it and wouldn’t let me go. The fact that he snuck up on me freaked me out. And then he kept saying how hot I was and was pressed too close.” Neil elaborates, he sees Andrew’s jaw clench as he finishes and watches as the blonde man turns to glare at the dancefloor. “And you’ve been sitting here by yourself for how long? Why didn’t you tell someone you felt uncomfortable being alone after that?” Neil leans back at the anger in Andrew’s voice. “I wasn’t sure how long everyone had been gone from the table, I figured someone would come back soon and I’d grab them then. I didn’t feel like going through the crowd again. It was only 15 minutes.” Neil argues, he’d started to calm down after talking to Bailey, so he didn’t want to interrupt anyone’s fun.

“Those idiots could be planning on staying here until closing, you obviously aren’t comfortable anymore so you should have told someone that you want to leave.” Andrew points out and yeah Neil wouldn’t mind leaving but it’s not as immediate anymore. “You told me that I was part of this team and that my comfort was as important as theirs. Now you’re going to tell me that yours isn’t as important?” Andrew asks and Neil can see how it might come across that way, but he was fine. “Andrew, I’m okay now. I panicked a little at first but when I realized no one was at the table I started talking to Bailey and started to calm down. Yes, it would have been better I’d found someone already at the table but it’s okay now. I wouldn’t have pushed through if the panic hadn’t gone away, I promise I would have asked someone to take me back.” Neil promises, he had gotten better about asking for help and if he hadn’t been able to get ahold of Bailey, he would have found someone else, maybe have gone outside for air but it all worked out.

Andrew just glares at him before turning to watch the bar. Eventually everyone comes back to get in one more round before calling it a night. Andrew refuses to look at anyone and everyone can pick up on the tension, so they make quick work of the drinks and then it’s time to leave. Neil had been expecting to ride back with one of the upperclassmen since he came with them but when Andrew grabbed his sleeve, Neil didn’t protest. He helped settle the others in their respective sleeping areas before heading into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

He finds Andrew smoking on the porch and when he holds out a cigarette, Neil takes it before sitting on the stairs. “Let’s play a game, truth for truth.” Andrew suggests after a few minutes. Neil agrees and tells Andrew to go first. “Why the change in appearance?” Neil takes a drag of the cigarette before answering. “I look a lot like my father, especially the hair and eyes. It was necessary while on the run but then it just became habit. I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see him staring back at me. But now he’s dead and I figured I should get rid of one of my many issues. This was the easiest to accomplish.” Neil thinks about what to ask when Andrew gestures that it’s his turn.

“Is it hard, coming of the drugs slowly.” He sees Andrew’s eyes widen in surprise and he knows that no one else has noticed but even if he hadn’t fought to get him off the drugs earlier, he would have noticed the change. Andrew’s constant smiling has slowly decreased as well as the over talking. How the other foxes haven’t realized is beyond him, it’s such a drastic difference from how Andrew was at the start of the year even if the change happened slowly. Andrew shrugs, “It’s better than staying on the drugs, but I think the original plan would have been worse, this way the withdrawal isn’t bad.” They exchange a few more truths, Neil doesn’t hold anything back trying to even them out as much as possible. Eventually they go back inside to sleep and then it’s back to Palmetto.

Chapter Text

Finally, it’s the first game against the Ravens. Neil knows they won’t win this time, but he really wants to make them work for it. He had been working harder during night practices with Kevin, pushing them both to be ready for what was to come. Neil looks at Andrew before the game starts and lets out a breath to calm his nerves.

Then, he’s on the court and it goes slightly better than last time. At one point Jean is the backliner assigned to him and Neil uses a tangle up to ask Jean if he wants away from the Moriyama’s. Jean stares at him like he’s grown a second head and Neil clacks his racquet to snap him out of it. He tells Jean that he has a plan to get the whole family off their backs and if Jean let him, he could have him out of Riko’s hands by next week. He just had to decide if he wanted to die trapped or take the risk to live free. The next time they are close to each other, Jean tells Neil he wants out of the nest. Feeling confident in what’s to come, Neil tells Jean to wait for one of his people who would get him out and put him somewhere safe.

They still lose but only by two points and the ravens barely scrape double digits. It’s the least number of points the ravens have gotten while the most their opponents took from them. Neil can see that Riko and Tetsuji are not happy with the game. Neil heads towards an exhausted Andrew and listens while Kevin tells Riko he isn’t going anywhere.

Neil hangs out with the upperclassmen, celebrating the game and is pleased to see Andrew’s lot spend some time at the party as well. The next week goes by quickly, with Neil working to get Jean somewhere safe and planting evidence to lay the blame on Jean’s family in France. Any crack in the Moriyama’s empire would help, no matter how small. He spends that Saturday talking Jean through a panic attack, warning him that if he were to go back to Riko, he wouldn’t find any more mercy than if Riko somehow found and dragged him back. With instructions for the guards to keep a close eye on Jean, Neil hangs out with Bailey for the rest of the weekend.

Then, it’s the twins’ birthday and for a moment, Neil thinks it’ll pass with no problems. But he gets the warning text minutes before Nicky bursts into his dorm begging Neil to talk Andrew into going to the Hemmick’s house for thanksgiving. Neil tells Nicky that he couldn’t make Andrew do anything he didn’t want to do and really, the team bonding nights were part of his deal which unless they took the whole team to visit his parents then Neil had no sway. Finally, Neil agrees to bring it up but if Andrew says no then its no.

After Nicky leaves, Neil calls Bailey and learns that Riko paid the Hemmick’s to get Andrew to their house and helped nudge Cass and Higgins there as well in hopes of upsetting Andrew with a foster family reunion. Neil knows there must be more than that, Riko wouldn’t settle for less than Andrew broken or locked up somewhere. He tells Bailey to keep looking into it and heads to the roof.

“What?” Andrew asks when Neil hesitates by the door. Neil takes a deep breath and decides how he wants to go about this. “Nicky asked me to talk to you.” He starts and sees Andrew raise a brow in question. “He got a call from his mother about you three joining them for thanksgiving. He thinks they want to mend fences and wanted me to get you to agree to go, since they won’t let him come without you specifically.” Neil doesn’t quite manage to keep the anger and sarcasm out of his voice, which causes Andrew to look at him.

He moves a little closer but makes sure not to crowd Andrew, he knows this will be bad enough without that. “You don’t think they want to make the family whole again?” Andrew asks mockingly. “I know they don’t.” Neil looks away from Andrew, he hates how much this will hurt him, hates he will be the one to hurt him. Andrew moves to stand in front of Neil, too smart to miss the meaning in Neil’s words.

“You know I hate that mysterious shit, just say what you mean.” Andrew snaps at him pulling Neil’s face back to meet his eyes. “Riko bribed the Hemmicks to get you to their house, he wants to use your final foster parent against you. Though I doubt that’s the only thing he has planned, it’s just all that I know so far.” Neil keeps eye contact and watches as Andrew’s blank face stutters with anger and hatred before he gets control of it. “You’re saying Cass will be there?” He asks but doesn’t expect an answer, Neil nods anyway and feels Andrew’s fingers tighten on his chin.

“And how do you know this?” he demands, shoving Neil back to the wall. “I have a source who is keeping an eye on Riko’s movements, I don’t want to be caught unaware again. I don’t know what you want to do with this information but there was no way I was letting you go in there with no warning.” Neil lets Andrew rest his hand on his neck, he doesn’t tense, and he knows that confuses Andrew. “You can tell Nicky that we’ll go but not on a holiday and I think I’ll keep you in my sight for the time being, so we’ll all go together.” Andrew tightens his hand just enough to slow Neil’s breathing but when that doesn’t get a reaction, he rips himself away and slams through the door.

Neil informs Nicky of the changes but warns him that it will probably backfire on them all and to not get his hopes up. But he can tell that Nicky is not going to take his advice. On the day, Neil struggles to ignore the suspicion in Andrew’s eyes every time he looks at him. He knows this is going to drive Andrew away from him because he won’t be able to give him any answers.

 Neil stays quiet as Nicky talks to his mother, he has people watching the house, ready to act when Riko’s true plan comes to light but he’s frustrated that they don’t know what it is yet. Andrew is still rude to Luther and Neil takes a moment to enjoy how uncomfortable the man gets while Andrew talks. He wishes he had killed him before this could take place, because even though Luther wouldn’t have the chance to use Drake against Andrew he still would have.

After they’ve sat at the table, Nicky’s mother gets up to answer the knock at the door and Neil watches Andrew tense when he sees Cass again. Higgins looks uncomfortable but he still let this happen so Neil glares at the man. Cass tries to hug Andrew, but he refuses to stand, and she eventually sits down next to Luther. “Andrew, it’s been too long. You look good.” She praises, and Andrew’s knuckles go white with how hard he clenches his fists. Nicky starts talking when Andrew stays silent, asking who the guests were and why they were there if it was supposed to be a night for family.

Luther glares at his son, speaking up to say something about a misunderstanding and Neil fights to control his face. He hates this man but before he can say anything, Andrew turns to Higgins, he hasn’t looked at Cass after the initial moment. “Why are you here?” He keeps his voice level, but everyone can feel the tension in the air. Cass brightens at Andrew’s voice, “We need your help, someone made a complaint against Drake. But your testimony would help clear him.” She looks so sure that Andrew will agree, Neil almost feels sorry for her as there must be something wrong that kept her from seeing the monster her son was.

“Why does Drake need my help? I’m sure he could talk himself out of it.” Andrew finally says and Neil can’t stop himself from turning to look at him in shock, while Cass starts to cry, and Higgins looks even more uncomfortable. Neil hadn’t realized Andrew didn’t know about Drake’s death, he knows it was confirmed a month ago and he figured Andrew would have heard about it. Shit, he shouldn’t have to first hear about this in front of everyone. Neil thinks as Higgins opens his mouth.

“Drake is dead. His car was found right before one of the border crossings last month. It looks like he was attempting to flee but lost control of his car.” Cass starts denying Higgins words, going on about how Drake was a good boy. Neil watches as Andrew’s body releases tension at Higgins words, as he takes in that Drake was dead and wouldn’t touch him again. Higgins also notices and his face pales as he begins to realize how wrong he was about Drake. Higgins attempts to control Cass, but she keeps begging Andrew to clear her son’s name.

Andrew reaches his breaking point when Luther begins talking about how wrong it is to slander such an upstanding citizen. “I can’t do what you want, won’t go against whoever complained.” He spits out and Higgins flinches as his fears are confirmed. Cass starts telling Andrew that the complaint was wrong, that they were lying, but Luther interrupts to yell at Andrew about how this is why he needed a firm hand, not a sinner, to raise him with principles and how dare he refuse a grieving mother. “No, I told you to keep children out of her house, you refused to believe me and now that someone has finally tried to get justice you want me to follow your example? Go to hell.” Andrew shoves away from the table, ignoring Nicky and Aaron asking where he was going.

“It was a mistake to come here, we’ll leave now.” Higgins says apologetically before dragging a protesting Cass to their car. “Nicky, you will get Andrew back here so he can tell the truth. The Spears do not deserve to have their name muddied for a delinquent.” Luther demands but Nicky seems to have grasped enough to know that Luther was in the wrong. “No, Andrew said that he wouldn’t lie for her which means whatever her son was accused of doing, he did. I can’t believe you used me to ambush your nephew like that.” Nicky throws his plate off the table, and everyone rushes to follow him outside.

They find Andrew smoking against the G6 and the Hemmick’s house is in their rearview in minutes. Of course, Aaron keeps demanding Andrew explain what happened despite how tense his brother clearly is. Andrew ignores him for a while before he slams on the breaks, sending everyone but Neil, who had seen it coming, flying forward. “Shut up, why do you think I owe you anything when you’ve been consistently breaking your word since I’ve known you?” Andrew demands once he starts driving again. Aaron looks shocked but pushes through bringing up how their deal was ruining his life. Andrew grips the steering wheel before looking back at Aaron. “If I let you out of our deal, you have to sit in on weekly sessions with me and Bee. If you refuse or stop coming, then I’ll take away your little cheerleader. And if I find out she’s hurting you, then I’ll kill her.” Aaron stares at Andrew openmouthed before quickly agreeing. Nicky lets out a sigh of relief at their words and the car goes quiet again.

They are coming up to a crossway and Neil sees a car speeding towards them from the driver’s side. He doesn’t have time to warn Andrew before the car behind them speeds around them and slams into the oncoming car. Andrew curses and slams to a stop, everyone takes in the scene in shocked silence. Neil leaves them to their panic and climbs over Nicky when he sees that his man wasn’t moving.

He hears his teammates call his name, but he ignores them to pull open the door and drag an unconscious Colin from the car. He can smell the gas leaking from the cars and feel the heat from an engine fire as he gets Colin away from the wreckage seconds before both cars go up in flames. He collapses and takes a moment to make sure Colin is still breathing and by then the others have made their way over. “Neil!” Nicky shouts as he drops down next to him, reaching out to check him for injuries. “I’m fine, back off Nicky.” He pulls out his phone and calls his uncle. “Yeah, there’s been a car accident. One injured and one likely dead.” He says before his uncle can speak and he hears cussing. He gives the address and knows they won’t have to worry about the police at least.

An ambulance arrives quickly, and Neil gives them a rundown on what happened before they drive away with Colin. He can feel Andrew’s eyes on him but can’t afford to look at him yet. The firemen put out the fire and preliminary reports show that the driver was dead before the car caught fire, having died on impact. It takes over an hour before they are let go and everyone is quiet as they pull up to the tower.

Neil can tell that Andrew wants to speak with him, he motions to the roof and Andrew nods in acceptance. Neil drops his things off in his room, he ignores Matt’s concern since Nicky has apparently already told everyone about what’s happened and heads up to the roof. He’s beaten Andrew there, so he takes a moment to ask Bailey for updates on Colin and get a rundown on what’s happened so far.

Andrew joins him and Neil can tell he is angry. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll spill everything before I throw you from the roof.” He says as he lights a cigarette. Neil winces and locks eyes with him, “I can’t tell you, not yet and I won’t lie to you. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I can’t yet.” Neil doesn’t apologize because he knows there’s no point, it would only make Andrew angry. Andrew flicks his cigarette at him, scoffing. “I don’t care what you think you can’t do; you will tell me.” He growls as he steps closer. “I’ll answer what I can, but I promise that I will tell you everything as soon as I possibly can.” Neil waits him out, he doesn’t know what else to do.

“Fine, start with this, that car was meant to crash into us, right?” Andrew asks. “Yes, I couldn’t figure out why Riko lured you there until I saw the raven behind the wheel. He was planning on you being too injured to protect Kevin.” Neil answers, Andrew nods at that before moving on.

“You were confused when I mentioned Drake to Higgins. You already knew he was dead, didn’t you?” Andrew asks and Neil nods. “If I had known that you hadn’t heard I would have told you when I warned you about Cass.” Andrew’s eyes narrow, “You know what he did to me don’t you?” Andrew’s voice is low, a warning. Neil locks eyes with him, “Yes, Andrew.” He lets himself be shoved to the wall and Andrew grab his neck. “How?” He demands, grip tightening. “Not yet,” He grits out, quickly losing air. Andrew watches as Neil stays still, doesn’t struggle despite how desperately he needs air. Andrew slams his fist into the wall beside Neil’s head before pulling away from him.

Neil sucks in air as he watches Andrew pace. “Stay away from me. I don’t want you to talk to me.” He spits out and waits for Neil to nod before leaving the roof. Neil slides down the wall now that he’s alone and struggles to calm himself. He knew Andrew would hate him for knowing about Drake, they didn’t have any of the weight behind their relationship that they had at this point before, and Andrew definitely had no reason to trust him this time.

After a few hours, Neil heads back to his room. He ignores Matt again to change into running clothes. He’s just started heading back when he gets a call from Stuart to update him on Colin and the raven. Riko wasn’t being careful to keep from drawing attention to himself. Neil spends some time talking to his uncle before heading back to the dorms to eat before heading to the court for an earlier night practice. He knows Kevin will throw a fit, but he promised Andrew he would stay away.

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The next few weeks pass, Neil stops going to Columbia with the monsters, he stays away from them whenever Andrew is around. Only talking with Kevin during practice and Nicky when the other forces his way into his dorm. Thanksgiving has Neil staying at Bailey’s apartment while he’s visiting his partners since Andrew’s lot go to Abby’s for the day. He lets Wymack and Abby believe he’s visiting family, Nicky was the most upset that he wasn’t spending the day with them. The day goes slowly, Neil answers texts from the other foxes and Bailey who was disappointed that Neil hadn’t gone with him. But Neil was planning on spending Christmas break with his family and didn’t think he would be able to put up with them twice so close together.

After, Neil welcomes the foxes back, telling them stories from Bailey about his uncle when they ask about his break. Nicky has once again pushed into Neil’s dorm, pouting at him when he’s ignored. “Neil! Why won’t you talk to me? What happened with you and Andrew?” Nicky whines, throwing himself onto the couch beside him. “That’s between us, Nicky. I messed up, that’s all you need to know.” Neil tells the other man, annoyed by his antics. “Then apologize and make Andrew forgive you. He’s gotten even more quick to injure now.” Nicky doesn’t see the glare on Neil’s face in his dramatics.

“He asked me to give him space. Why would I ignore that? It would only be to make me, or you feel better, but it would make him uncomfortable, Nicky. Either he’ll forgive me, or he won’t, I’m not going to push or rush him, and if I find out that you are, I’ll make his temper look like a child’s tantrum.” Neil makes sure Nicky is looking at him, to see how serious he is. Nicky pales but rallies quickly, “Fine, I’ll stop bothering him about you, but I think it’s stupid that you two won’t talk it out.” Nicky says before leaving.

A week into December, Neil is at Bailey’s apartment going over files that the Hatford’s pulled from his father’s network looking for things related to the Moriyama’s. It takes him a moment to recognize Lola’s voice as a video begins to play. He watches as she drags a young Nathaniel into a room in the basement he doesn’t recognize. “Now, junior you know how much I love it when you cry so make sure to let it all out when it gets too much okay?” She taunts as she straps him face down on a table.

Neil tenses as he watches Lola start with her knives, it takes a while before he cries out as he’s already too used to pain. He remembers Lola and her knives, but he had never seen this room before. After Lola grows bored of making him bleed, she starts touching him, removing all his clothes to pinch and tickle and scratch. Neil watches as his younger self tries to get away but is helpless. He doesn’t think he’s breathing anymore, he should be worried about that but all he can do is watch as Lola touches him, as she uses the handle of her knife to make him scream in a way she never had before, at least Neil doesn’t remember her touching him like that. Though he’s just learned that he can’t trust his memory.

The sound of Bailey dropping something in the kitchen startles him out of his panic. He sucks in a breath, dropping his head between his knees. “Fuck.” He wheezes, stumbling from the couch he slams the laptop closed and fumbles for his phone. He’s pulled up Andrew’s contact before reality seeps in. He can’t call him; this Andrew is not his Andrew and he’s already hurt him enough.

Taking a deep breath, Neil goes through his contacts until he finds Betsy’s number. She picks up on the third ring. “Neil?” He can’t respond, but she can hear his panicked breathing. “Neil, I need you to follow my breathing.” Betsy talks him through the panic attack and when he is calmer she asks if he needs to see her. Neil gives her Bailey’s address and has him help get to her car when she arrives.

They drive around rather than go back to her office. “Do you want to talk to me about what happened?” She asks. Neil watches the road as he considers. “I found a video of something I don’t remember happening. How is it that I don’t remember what she did to me?” Neil asks quietly. “When we go through trauma that our brains can’t handle it represses the memory to protect us. Especially if it happens when we are young.” Betsy answers as she comes to a stoplight. “I would have been six or seven, I still had the bandages on my shoulder.” He says mostly to himself, “She was always saying things, telling me I would look like my father, how pretty I was when I cried, pinching me when I was supposed to be quiet. But I don’t remember that day, or even if it happened more than once.” Betsy pulls over when he starts hyperventilating, “Breathe Neil.” He’s getting sick of not breathing.

“Neil, how would you feel setting up weekly sessions with me?” Betsy asks after he’s settled again. “Probably should have done it sooner.” He replies, “Okay, I have an opening right after Andrew’s time so you could drive over together.” She offers and Neil shakes his head. “No, that won’t work. I need a different day.” She stares at him for a moment before asking why. “I promised him I’d give him space, would be kind of hard to do if we had to drive somewhere together every week. I won’t encroach on his boundaries. If you don’t have any other openings just find me someone else to talk to.” Neil tells her, he sees her eyes widen a bit at his words and wonders if Andrew had told her about it already. “Okay, I’ll have to check my schedule but I’m sure I can fit you in some other time.”

She drops him back off a Bailey’s and he feels more present but his skin itches with an anxiety he can’t escape. Bailey offers to spar with him when he sees how restless Neil is and he agrees. They go for an hour before Neil fails to dodge and takes a fist to the face. Despite the growing black eye, Neil is settled enough to rest. Though the nightmares surprise no one.

He has Bailey drop him off at the dorms before his classes, luckily no one is there so he avoids questions until practice. Already exhausted with the day before his classes are even over, Neil heads to the court before practice starts to change out before the others.

“Neil, what happened?” Matt gasps when he sees his eye. “I’m fine, just didn’t dodge as well as I should have.” Neil answers, letting the foxes get a good look because they won’t move on otherwise. “Who hit you? I’ll fuck them up.” Matt spits, moving to touch the bruise but Neil dodges away from him. He ignores the hurt look and steps out of reach of the others. “I was sparring, it was an accident so there’s no need to fuck anyone up,” Neil answers and he can tell they think he’s lying. The irony of that almost makes him laugh.

He stops answering their questions and keeps from looking at Andrew until practice starts and he can run off the left-over panic from last night. He’s surprised he can still stand after running himself ragged at practice, but he smiles at the foxes’ jokes and pretends he’s fine until he can be alone. After he showers, Neil walks outside to see that Bailey is waiting for him. The other foxes have gathered by the doors and are whispering to each other, but he just tells them goodbye and makes his way to Bailey.

“Tough day kid?” Bailey asks, taking in how pale Neil is. Neil snorts at that, letting Bailey open the passenger door for him, he feels eyes digging into his back and when he looks, he sees Andrew’s lot have joined the upperclassmen in watching them. Neil flinches when Bailey’s hand brushes against his arm but waves off the apology because he hadn’t been paying attention. They drive back to his apartment, and he lets Bailey distract him with what his partners have been up to.

“Stuart told me that there were no other videos like that. He destroyed it.” Bailey tells him and Neil nods, “I honestly can’t tell you if it was only once or if she only recorded one video. I hate that I’m missing time. Even though I don’t want to remember.” Neil admits and then he spends the rest of the night burying himself in Hatford work to distract himself.

Chapter Text

Neil’s first session with Betsy is a few days after their drive. He fit it in between his classes rather than during practice which is good because Kevin would kill him for getting behind. “So, Neil this is the first session, but we can talk or not talk about whatever you want.” Betsy starts, handing him a mug of tea. Neil nods and puts his thoughts in order, “I’ve been thinking about the video, there was only one, but does that mean she only did it once or did she only make one video?” Neil stares into his tea, not up to eye contact.

“That’s something you may never know,” Betsy replies, and Neil knows that, and he thinks he can live with that as long as there truly are no more videos that come back to bite him. They spend the rest of the session talking about Lola and even a little about his mother and he leaves feeling a little better about it.

The weeks leading up to the Christmas Banquet, Neil spends more and more time with Bailey. He works with him on planning to take Riko down, he talks with Jean to get evidence on what happens in the nest, he even goes on some Hatford missions when he’s feeling antsy. Though when one goes sideways, Neil ends up with cut on his throat and a busted lip which he can’t hide from the foxes, and he knows they are dying to ask him what happened.

Then it’s the banquet and Neil goes shopping with Bailey again, because Hatfords would never be caught wearing the same thing twice. They get to the bus before anyone else and they text Bailey’s partners pictures of their outfits and their upcoming trip to London. Slowly the other foxes join them, and it seems none of them are happy to see Bailey for some reason. “Why are they glaring at me like that?” Bailey whispers and Neil takes in their faces and turns to Bailey, “I think it’s because of the last mission, I came back busted up. They didn’t ask me what happened but I’m pretty sure they think you are abusing me.” Neil tells him, unable to keep the laughter from his voice.

Bailey pouts at his words, “If anyone is capable of beating the other up, it’s you. I’ve never won a spar and you saved my ass during that mission. So, if anything, your friends should be worried about my safety.” Bailey teases, Neil laughs and shoves him onto the bus when they start loading up. He smiles at the others, hoping to calm their fears but it doesn’t seem to work. He had been pulling away after he found that video, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone and knew he wouldn’t be able to lie well enough to convince them he’s fine.

They’ve been on the road for twenty minutes when Nicky moves to sit beside them. Neil hadn’t talked with Nicky much since Andrew had been keeping his family close so Neil smiles at him. “Hey, what’s up Nicky?” Neil asks when the man just stares at Neil nervously. “Nothing just realized it’s been a while since we talked. How have you been?” Nicky is a terrible liar and Neil has to fight a smile. “Good, a lot of studying for finals, getting ready for break. You?” Neil asks, and Nicky tells him that they were going to Germany to visit Eric. “That sounds like fun, I’m sure you’re excited to see him.” Neil knows that Nicky is going to ask about him, and he isn’t going to be happy with what he hears. “Are you going anywhere for break?” He asks nonchalantly. Neil nods but Bailey beats him to it, “He’s coming to London to visit my family. Everyone is dying to meet him.” Neil snorts at that, he knows that there are some of his mother’s family that he hasn’t met yet, but while he knows they want to get to know him they’ve learned from Stuart and Bailey that he’s a pain in the ass.

Nicky’s smile falls at that, and he tenses, shooting a look to the other foxes who are trying to eavesdrop. “Oh, are you sure you don’t want to go to New York with Matt? I know he’s been wanting to introduce you to his mom. Get in some more team bonding over break?” Nicky’s voice takes on a desperate edge and Neil shares a look with Bailey. They all really believe he’s helpless, part of that is his fault because he hasn’t told them anything in hopes of keeping them safe but still, did they think this about him at this point last time? Probably not, he had mouthed off to Riko multiple times and survived Andrew.

“That’s okay, I’ve been wanting to go to London again and I need all the dirt on Bailey that his family will give me.” Neil reassures Nicky, Bailey scoffs at that. “God, they would too. I still have no idea why they like you better than me when all you’ve done is talk on the phone a few times. It’s a betrayal.” He whines and slumps against Neil’s shoulder. “Well, I’m not the one who couldn’t…” Neil gets cut off when Bailey covers his mouth, which fair, he was about to say something embarrassing. Nicky looks at the others again and Neil thinks he sees more glares thrown their way.

“Just because you have some blackmail on me, doesn’t mean I can’t lose you somewhere in the country. How would you embarrass me then?” Bailey taunts pulling his hand away, he misses how the others take his words but Neil scoffs. “Really? You’ll have to try harder than that if you want to get rid of me. And those poor planning skills? That’s why they like me better.” Neil responds making Bailey laugh and Nicky wince.

“So, what are you planning on doing in Germany? Visiting any sights?” Neil changes the subject, and Nicky starts talking about their plans before heading back to his date. The rest of the ride, Neil and Bailey go over their plan for Riko. He knows that Riko will try to get him to the nest. He’ll probably still threaten him with Andrew or outing his father, both of which have been neutralized so they want to record the threats and have someone write an article about how off the rails Riko has become.

They get to the banquet and this time they aren’t paired with the ravens. The team they sit with makes polite conversation and dinner goes without incident. Kevin freaks out when he doesn’t see Jean, but Neil isn’t ready to tell him what’s happening yet. They walk around after dinner; Neil doesn’t feel like talking so he avoids the other teams. Eventually Neil sends Bailey off to give Riko the chance to confront him, and wouldn’t you know it? He immediately makes his way over. The other foxes are distracted by the ravens, so no one notices Riko crowd Neil into a corner.

“Nathaniel, its past time you quit disobeying me.” Riko tells him, Neil just stares, waiting for Riko to get angry. “I’ve let this go on long enough. You will join me at the nest for the break if you know what’s good for you. And for your pathetic team.” Riko spits, shoving Neil against the wall. “Riko, there is nothing you could threaten me with that would make me go to the nest.” Neil replies calmly, watching as Riko’s face turns red in anger. “You pathetic child. You were supposed to belong to me, and I won’t stop until I have you broken, on your knees, calling me king. You will be my number 4.” Neil cannot believe how stupid Riko is, constantly incriminating himself because he believes his family name will protect him.

“No, Riko. Something about being beaten and broken just doesn’t sound like my kind of fun.” Neil moves to step away and Riko slams him against the wall again. “If you don’t get on the plane on the first day of break, I will tear the foxes apart. Starting with your goalie, I hear part of his plea deal was coming off his meds in a facility like Easthaven? I’ve already bought the doctor who will oversee him. A Dr. Proust who seems to have a taste for his patients, who was all too willing to have Andrew at his mercy and under him. Or there’s always Seth, your weakest link. No one would bat an eye if he were to overdose on some bathroom floor. So if you don’t want to be the reason you’re pathetic foxes are broken, then you’ll join me at the nest for break.” Riko smiles like he knows he’s won but Neil lets his father’s smile creep onto his face.

Neil leans in closer, watching as Riko flinches from him a little, “You will never have to power to break me, you have no power at all really and I can’t wait until you realize that. So, stay the fuck away from me, from my team and learn how to deal with disappointment because I will never be yours.” Neil shoves past a fuming Riko and scans the room to find Kevin walking away from a raven. He sees Andrew standing off to the side, closer to Neil than Kevin which is surprising.

Neil makes his way to Kevin, stopping him before he gets back to Andrew. He misses Andrew move closer to listen in. “Did he give you a plane ticket?” Neil asks right away and Kevin flinches before pulling it out. “He said you’re expected at the nest the day after break starts.” He says it like it will happen. “God, he’s so dramatic. I already told him no, Kevin.” Neil says and Kevin’s face pales in fear and he says Neil can’t say no. “Riko believes he has more power than he actually does. His threat didn’t work on me so he wants your fear to persuade me but that won’t work either.” Neil tears up the ticket and throws it in the trash. He sees Andrew hovering close by and is ready to be done with the day. When Kevin asks what Riko threatened him with Neil turns away from him, “It doesn’t matter, it won’t happen so Riko was just wasting his breath.” Neil turns Kevin over to Andrew and finds Bailey to tell him he got the recording and wait for the night to end.

On the ride back, Neil tells Bailey that they need to find a trustworthy reporter to do the story, the recording and Jean’s testimony will make denying the charges hard. Though they need someone who won’t be easily silenced by the Moriyamas. And preferably by the time break is over. Neil plans to keep Andrew’s name out of it, doctor it to sound like Riko was threatening him with Proust, who Jean had told him was often at the nest as he works for the main family, but Riko uses him to punish wayward ravens. Kengo and Ichirou are not going to be happy learning one of their assets aren’t as loyal as they believe.

They are interrupted by Bailey’s phone and Neil can see the disbelief and worry on his face. When he doesn’t speak after hanging up, Neil asks if he wants to talk about it. “I’m going to be a father. Charlie called to say that Sam had been feeling sick and they went to the doctor today. They’re pregnant and I… what do I know about being a parent?” Bailey whispers, huddling in on himself. “No one knows how to be a parent, but if my opinion means anything to you, you’ll be a great one. Plus, you won’t be alone, and at the very least you have stellar examples of how not to raise a child.” Neil jokes lightly and smiles when Bailey laughs. They spend the rest of the ride talking about baby names and Bailey’s fears and Neil promises to teach them how to play exy when they are old enough which makes Bailey laugh hard.

Chapter Text

As finals finish up, Neil keeps being approached by the foxes, bar the twins and Kevin, to convince him not to go to Bailey’s for break. Neil has gotten annoyed with how many times he’s had to tell them that he wouldn’t change his mind. He spends the night before his flight with Bailey to avoid the foxes last ditch effort to protect him or whatever.

He finds himself in London the day after break and knows that Riko will be realizing he isn’t coming very soon. They have people watching his teammates since they know he’ll throw a tantrum sometime soon and Neil tries to tell himself that he wouldn’t have been able to do much even if he was with them. Stuart picks them up from the airport and Neil endures an awkward hug, much to the amusement of Bailey.

“Ram, you’re still too skinny. You need to eat more; Bailey why aren’t you taking better care of him?” Stuart scolds them and Neil has to smother a sigh at being treated like a child, though he had been struggling to eat regularly after the whole Lola thing. He was working on it with Betsy. “I’m fine, I don’t need anyone watching over me, I’m an adult.” He protests, though he knows it’s pointless.

Stuart makes a disappointed noise and takes Neil’s bag from him, also upset it seems, that he brought only one bag. They hit some traffic, but it doesn’t take terribly long for them to reach Stuart’s house, where Neil will be staying. He quickly puts his bag in the guest room and meets back up with his uncle. The plan for the day was just meeting up with the family that was still in London and getting to know those that he hadn’t had a chance to yet.

First, Neil rides with Bailey to meet Charlie and Sam. He had been talking to them since Bailey started shadowing him, but he was excited to meet them in person. He lets them get their reunion out of the way and stills when they turn to look at him. He waits for them to come to whatever conclusions they will and is relieved when they decide he’ll do. From there, they head to Uncle Will’s house where the party was happening. Neil finds Bailey’s partners equally entertaining with whatever scenarios they debated and after he escaped Stuart and Will, he spent most of the night sitting with them doing exactly that.

Neil’s time in London is pretty uneventful, he learns more about Hatford business, helps translate a time or two but overall he goes sightseeing with Bailey and his partners, and occasionally his cousin Jayme. He does let Jayme talk him into getting a piercing since there would be enough time to heal before practice started. She had said a nose ring but when they got to the shop, Neil was drawn to the tongue piercings. He asks about healing and if it would work with exy and then walked away with a starter in his mouth. Jayme was both excited and mildly horrified by the piercing. Neil hadn’t really done anything with his body after things settled in the future, but he thinks he might be for anything that made it seem like his and not Nathan’s.

Stuart takes him through the paces on his weapons abilities a few times to make sure he isn’t a sitting duck. Neil takes great pleasure in outshooting most of the people Stuart brought with him on those excursions. He is his mother’s son after all.

Throughout the break, Neil entertains everyone with the proof of life/health messages the foxes demand he sends. When Bailey first explained the distrust Neil’s teammates had for him, they found it funny. But after Neil continuously outshot them or beat them in sparring or didn’t flinch with ‘business’ their amusement grew at the idea that Neil was some helpless kid. When Neil ended up with a split lip after a long sparring session, they bet what the foxes would say with the proof of life picture Neil sent of his food rather than the usual one of his face. The foxes were instantly suspicious, and Neil made sure to tell Jayme that she was the reason since she had caused the stupid injury.

Neil eventually placated his teammates and made sure to keep his face out of range when he sparred after that. Towards the end of the break, they got word of Riko hiring someone to go after Dan and Allison who were shopping together in New York. The plan failed with the girls none the wiser and thanks to Riko’s temper he made the mistake of using his actual bank account to transfer money and the Hatford’s easily gained access. Neil took great pleasure in donating all of his money to abuse charities.

It probably shouldn’t be surprising how close Neil gets to Charlie and Sam what with how close he is to Bailey, but he still is by how comfortable he feels with them. He had the foxes and Andrew and over the years he found a few select others that he let into his circle, but it usually took a while not only for Neil to let them in but for them to get to know Neil and yet these three have done both in such a short time. To the point that they want Neil to be godparent to their child, like he wasn’t the worst choice. But when he told them he knows nothing about children, Bailey reminds him about what Neil said to him when he first learned about the baby and how it applied to him too. So, when they get back on the plane, Neil finds himself sending his opinions on possible baby names and getting articles about childcare in return.

Neil is the first to return from break, he spends his first night back eating with Wymack and Abby. He figured it’ll go a long way to calm his teammates if those two think he looks okay. The monsters are the last to return, a few days after Neil. So far, despite spending most of his time with the upperclassmen, no one has noticed his piercing. He had long gotten past it effecting his speech but is surprised no one has caught it yet, even if he doesn’t talk much. He does find himself drifting from them a little, so he might be talking even less than he used to but with his birthday so close he feels on edge.

Neil isn’t around when Andrew gets back from the airport, he made sure to be scarce to give him time to settle in since flying must have taken a lot out of him. So, it’s not until the first day of practice that he sees him, Andrew is finally fully off his meds, and he looks so much better for it. Neil nods to Nicky when he enters the locker room but with Andrew nearby, he knows better than to talk to him. He listens to the others talk about their break after he gets back from changing, quickly putting on his gear rather than staying and listening longer.

Practice goes as smoothly as it can, though Andrew doesn’t participate, and Neil can see how frustrated Kevin is by that. Neil ignores the tension and keeps running drills, too late he notices the looks Dan and Nicky send him every time he fails to make a comment he normally would have. By then practice is over and he is suddenly exhausted. He leaves before anyone else, and the day goes by slowly.

During his session with Betsy, Neil talks about how his previous birthdays had gone, how he’s just waiting for something bad to happen this time though with Lola and his father dead it should pass by unnoticed. Betsy listens and gives him things to focus on when his anxiety gets too strong.

The next day, Neil forces himself to act normally. He gets through the morning at the gym, staying active in the foxes’ conversations even if he doesn’t participate and then coasts through his classes. He gets a message from Bailey asking if he’d eaten yet and Neil is reminded that it was lunch, and he hadn’t had breakfast. So, he finds himself in the cafeteria at the same time as most of his teammates. Only Aaron and Dan still in class. He hesitates when he sees Andrew sitting by the others but if he sits at the other end, he should be fine. It would cause too much attention if he sat by himself.

It’s while he’s eating some fruit that Matt turns to talk to him and lets out a loud gasp. Neil freezes, looking around to see what startled his friend but turns when he sees nothing out of the ordinary. “Everything okay, Matt?” Nicky asks when he just keeps staring at Neil, or more specifically his mouth. “Oh,” Neil says, and he feels everyone look at him, “What?” Nicky demands when it’s clear no one is going to talk. “Neil, what… uh… I mean…” Matt stammers, he hasn’t looked away from Neil’s mouth this whole time and he’s starting to blush.

This catches everyone’s interest and Neil tries not to tense at the attention. “Boyd, your girlfriend might get upset if she realizes you spent all of lunch staring at Josten’s mouth.” Seth calls from beside Allison. He sends Neil a questioning look and Neil just shrugs, “I guess he noticed.” Is all he says but it sets the others off. Only Andrew and Kevin refrain from asking questions, though it seems like he has Andrew’s attention. He figures if Neil’s presence bothered him, he would leave. “Neil, have you always had that? No right. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed before now. I mean, not that I’m always staring at your mouth but, um.” Matt struggles to talk past his shock.

“I got it over break. Don’t worry, your observational skills aren’t nearly as bad as they could be. It did take you long enough though.” Neil teases, ignoring the others’ growing voices. Apparently, Seth is the only one paying attention to what Matt is looking at and Neil’s words, he notices the metal glinting as Neil speaks. “Shit, Josten. I’m surprised Matt hasn’t combusted yet if he got a better view of that piercing. Are you trying to kill him?” Seth interrupts the others, and they immediately look to see what he has pierced. “No, Neil. Do not tell me you got your tongue pierced!” Nicky screeches, heads all over the cafeteria turn to look at them and Neil glares at him for attracting their attention.

This sends everyone off on tangents about how it wasn’t fair, it made him too hot and too powerful. Neil tunes them out, feeling uncomfortable but oddly pleased by the compliments. He risks a look at Andrew and sees that he’s staring resolutely in front of himself, completely still. “It’s just a piercing, it isn’t anything special.” Neil protests, ready for them to be done talking about it. Of course everyone hyper focuses on his mouth to see his tongue and Neil lets out a loud sigh. He opens his mouth and pokes out his tongue, so they’ll calm down.

Which, with the foxes was definitely a mistake because they all gasp in awe and Allison takes a picture. Finally, Neil convinces them to drop it and he finishes eating while they talk about some movie coming out. Andrew had left before they all calmed down and Neil can’t stop the pang in his chest that Andrew was still uncomfortable around him.

Practice was rowdy with everyone clamoring to tell Dan and begging Neil to show them the piercing again and it took Wymack threatening a marathon to get them to settle. He was looking forward to their first game of the season and pushed himself during drills. He still feels off with how close his birthday is but between practice, Betsy, and Bailey keeping a close watch he is able to push past it. The day comes and goes and aside from a threatening text from Riko nothing happens. He stops spending all his time with Bailey and they win their first two games easily. The only thing he can’t shake is how much he misses Andrew, but at least he can see that Andrew is getting closer to Aaron and he isn’t nearly as alone as before.

Chapter Text

They had found a reporter over break and their article on how the nest is finally out. There is a large split between those that say the article is a lie and those that are calling for the ravens to be disbanded. Neil has to calm Kevin when he reads the article and panics that Riko will take his anger out on them. In reality, Riko is too busy doing damage control and dealing with an internal investigation by Edgar Allen. Neil doesn’t expect anything to change because of the article, the Moriyamas have more than enough money to bribe their way out of trouble, but public opinion is changing and Riko is too busy to go after the foxes right now.

They keep winning their games and when they get to the game where his father kidnapped him, Neil is better prepared to handle to stress and anxiety. He had been talking with Betsy on ways to cope around triggers and has Bailey keep close as backup in case something goes wrong. Because of how well they have been as a team, it’s easier than it was last time, and this is without Andrew locking down the goal during his half.

Neil is the last to shower again and panics a little when his phone rings as he’s getting dressed. It was just Bailey texting him that the crowd was a little worked up, but the police were keeping things under control. After he can breathe again Neil makes his way to the team. He can’t quite hide his relieved sigh and slumped shoulders when he sees no outsiders around his friends, but no one seems to catch it. He tenses as they make their way through the irritated crowd, but no riot breaks out.

He falls into his seat when they reach the bus, ignoring Nicky’s jokes about him running himself ragged. He keeps telling himself that he’s fine, Nathan’s dead and he isn’t currently being tortured but he feels like his skin is being burned and cut anyway. He can feel Lola against him in the trunk, feel her touching him and mocking him when he can’t keep from crying. Hears him crying no over and over but he sounds weird, younger, and the trunk turns into that unknown room in the basement and Lola is telling him to be a good boy.

Neil falls onto the aisle floor with how hard he jerks awake, a scream barely stopped from leaving his mouth. He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep, wishes he hadn’t with the phantom pain all over his body. He gains everyone’s attention and Matt stands to help him up, but Neil will scream if anyone touches him right now, so he flinches away and tries to forget the hurt look that crosses Matt’s face.

“I’m fine,” he says as he gets his feet under him. He can tell they want to ask what happened, but thankfully they don’t push. He gets back in his seat and texts Bailey to keep himself awake. He doesn’t think it’ll be a good idea staying in the dorms if that nightmare had been an indication of what his night will be like. He can feel their eyes on him the rest of the ride but doesn’t look at them. When they get to the court, Neil puts his gear away and heads out to find Bailey waiting for him. He gives a quiet goodbye to the foxes and heads over to Bailey.

He gestures him away from the door, doesn’t want to be that close to anyone. When they get back to his apartment, Neil lets him put on some cooking show and listens to him mock the chefs. He warns Bailey about probably having nightmares and wakes up screaming once before he can stop himself. It’s close enough to when they normally wake that they decide to go running rather than back to sleep.

Neil had agreed to spend spring break with the upperclassmen before that game and part of him wishes he hadn’t, he had spent the last few nights at Bailey’s because the nightmares were still bad, and he isn’t sure how they’ll be around so many other people. But he also craves getting back to normal, so he gets a ride with Seth and Allison and is surprised that they go to the same cabin as before. He hadn’t thought to ask because the only thing he’d cared about was whether or not Andrew’s lot would be there, but he couldn’t ask so he told them he didn’t care where they went.

They are the last to arrive since Allison had wanted to take Neil shopping beforehand. She claimed it was to get him proper attire for vacationing, but he could tell they were both trying to ask about his time with Bailey without being suspicious. So, he is thrown when he sees Andrew’s GS in the driveway of the cabin. I wonder how I can get him the Maserati back; he loved that stupid car. Neil thinks as he grabs his bag from Allison’s trunk. They find out that the rooms were divided before they got there, Matt had offered to share with Neil while Renee and Dan shared. Andrew got the bedroom they had shared before and no one wanted to share with him. Neil winced internally at how hard it’ll be to hide his nightmares from Matt but doesn’t voice any objections.

They spend the first night drinking, though Neil doesn’t have too many he does smile at the shocked faces when he accepts some mixed drink. His tolerance is high, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting drunk but even after years of casual drinking he still wasn’t a fan of the memories the taste brings back. Neil would have stayed in the living room after everyone else went to bed but since Andrew was only one room away, he didn’t want to make it seem like he was trying to catch him alone. So, he resigns himself to going to bed and isn’t surprised when he jerks awake hours later.

He had taken to leaving the light on in Bailey’s kitchen so he could see when nightmares woke him, but it was pitch black and he could hear the breathing of another person from across the room. It takes him several minutes to realize where he was and when he can stand without screaming, he makes his way downstairs to put his shoes on to go for a run. He is as quiet as possible, but he knows Andrew most likely woke when he opened the door.

He comes back hours later and finds the others have just started waking up, which since it was 8 in the morning makes since. He hadn’t checked the time when he left but it wouldn’t have stopped him anyway. He showers and changes, ignores Matt’s questioning look, and makes his way to the kitchen where coffee was being shared. They all agree to head to the diner for breakfast and Neil tags along quietly, soaking in the happiness of his friends. He makes sure to keep out of Andrew’s way and is glad that he’s spending time with the team.

 Neil forces himself to eat the food he ordered but despite his run he has no appetite. He can feel eyes on him as he pushes his food around and forces bite after bite into his mouth so whoever is staring doesn’t ask questions. The trip goes the same as before, though Neil isn’t recovering from torture and he doesn’t have Andrew next to him, the nightmares have slowed. But he likes that he’s getting closer with the foxes again. He will do whatever he has to do to keep his family.

The second to last day, Neil gets a call. “Hello, Bailey?” Neil knew he wouldn’t have called out of the blue for no reason. He had been watching the foxes play drinking games, only himself, Renee and Andrew sitting out. The laughter and jokes stop when they notice how tense he’s become. In the back of his mind, he thinks this won’t help dissuade them from thinking Bailey was abusing him. “Neil, its Jean. He had a panic attack this morning and tried to kill himself. His guards stopped him before he could cut too deep, but he needed stitches.” Bailey informs him, voice low and serious.

Neil flinches at the words and quickly leaves the cabin. He switches to Italian, “Do we know what set him off?” He asks, thinking about the Jean he grew to know while he was part of the Trojans. He had managed to grow past Riko’s abuse and when Kevin became friends with him again Neil had learned to like the person he grew into outside of the nest. “He heard about Kengo’s death. He said he wouldn’t go back to a Riko who had no chance of impressing his father. He isn’t being left alone right now in case he tries again but I think he’s calmer now that the initial shock has passed.” Neil takes in the information, “So Kengo is dead? Alright, see if he can be convinced to talk to a therapist, I don’t want to have gone through the trouble of saving him to let him kill himself. Anything else?” Neil listens as Bailey goes over other things he’s missed while away before hanging up and going back inside.

When he walks in the foxes immediately stop talking and try to act like they hadn’t been doing anything. Neil looks at them in suspicion before going into the kitchen to grab a tall glass of whiskey. He goes back to his seat and the others are still being quiet. Neil quirks a brow at Matt, he figures he’ll be the easiest to break. Matt lasts a minute under Neil’s stare before he opens his mouth, but Dan jumps him before he can speak, smacking into him with a kiss. “So, how about we watch a movie?” Nicky asks loudly, getting up to look through some DVDs. Neil lets them change the topic and after two movies he barely paid attention to with Bailey texting him updates on Jean getting out of the hospital and tentatively agreeing to see someone, he heads to bed before the others. Though the nightmares had slowed, he still wasn’t sleeping well.

The last day, Neil wakes before anyone else and heads for a run. He hadn’t had any nightmares that night and was feeling more rested than he had in weeks. He gets back before anyone else is up and makes coffee before sitting outside to have a cigarette. He hears the door open and looks to find Andrew hesitate before stepping outside. Neil turns back forward and focuses on finishing his cigarette. He doesn’t want to make Andrew deal with him longer than he needs to, but he also doesn’t think Andrew would appreciate him actively running away from him.

He gets up as soon as his cigarette is out and heads back inside. Andrew is still out there when the others wake up and they head to the diner for breakfast. Neil eats quickly this time; he finally actually wants to eat and knows better than to waste the opportunity. The last day is spent mostly separately, though Neil finds himself with each of the upperclassmen for at least half an hour and is rarely left by himself. That night they converge outside to drink and make s’mores. Neil gets dragged into a conversation with Allison and Seth about fashion and he mostly keeps up, though he admits that he doesn’t care about clothes, that he just wanted things comfortable and that lasted. When they ask how he learned to dress well then, Neil hedged a bit. He said that he knew someone who did care and learned for them.

He goes back to the dorms since he survived the week with everyone. Things are strange after the break. The foxes keep finding reasons to keep Neil near them outside of practices. They state it’s for team bonding and Andrew’s lot are almost always there so Neil doesn’t argue. If the team has begun to work together in a misguided but appreciated attempt to protect him from Bailey, he’ll let them do so. He would gladly tell them that he wasn’t even dating Bailey, let alone letting him smack him around but no one has actually asked him or told him their concerns, so he’s decided to pretend he doesn’t know what they are doing. A little bet between himself, Bailey, and his partners to see when they decide to try talking to him.

So, he spends more time with his teammates, which isn’t a hardship. That is until he’s needed to help Bailey with Hatford problems and has to sneak away. He makes sure if there is going to be any violence that his face doesn’t get injured, he thinks the foxes might handcuff him to one of them if they find out he’s gotten hurt again.

Another surprise is that Nicky approached him after one of the bonding nights and said he was invited back to Columbia with them. He sends Nicky back with an are you sure for Andrew and when he gets a yes, Neil spends some weekends at Eden’s with the monsters. He takes to dancing with Nicky, so he isn’t left alone at the table with Andrew, and it feels nice. Eden’s had become important to him, and he liked getting it back, at least in part.

It was one of those weekends, before their game against the Trojans, that Neil finds himself being motioned to follow Andrew to the back porch after everyone else is in bed. He is offered a cigarette and Neil takes it, sitting on the bottom step and smoking in silence. He doesn’t know what Andrew wants from him, but he can tell he is waiting for something to happen. But Neil promised not to talk to him until he was told to, so he waits.

He's finished the cigarette and handed another when Andrew scoffs loudly. “You really aren’t going to talk to me until I give you permission?” He bites out and Neil just nods, he doesn’t turn to look at him but breathes in the smoke and waits for Andrew to tell him what he needs. “Fine, you can talk to me again.” His voice is softer than he probably meant, less angry and more confused. “Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about tonight? Or should I head back inside?” Neil asks, turning slightly to make eye contact for a second before looking away. Andrew is quiet while he thinks and Neil is content to wait, he’s just glad that Andrew is okay with him being around again.

“A Truth, what made you start talking to Bee? You don’t seem like the type to believe in therapy.” Neil tenses at the question before turning to face him fully since he asked for a truth. “I found out something last semester that made me think talking to her would be a good idea, I needed someone to help me.” Neil answers softly, keeping eye contact. “What was it?” Andrew prods and Neil closes his eyes for a moment, before letting out a breath and looking back at Andrew. “I found a video of Lola molesting me when I was a child. I have no memory of that happening and Betsy had to break me out of my panic attack.” He sees Andrew’s eyes narrow in anger and understanding.

“Ask me.” Andrew finally says. Neil thinks about what he can ask, he already knows most of Andrew’s truths and he isn’t sure if making him repeat them is better so he can have control over telling Neil or if it would upset him when he learns that Neil already knew. He plays it safe and asks about how it was going with Aaron. That was something he cared about and Andrew glares at him for a second before talking about how tense their appointments are and how Aaron tries to argue with him about why Andrew did what he did. They head inside after that, and Neil feels calmer now that Andrew is talking to him again. He knows Andrew might go back to hating him when he tells him about the time travel but right now he lets himself hope.

Chapter Text

As they get closer to the Trojans game, Neil worries that he changed too much, and the Trojans will play with their full team. He is still being chaperoned by the foxes so he can’t even take a moment to panic about it on his own. And he knows the foxes can tell that something is up, but after he refuses to tell them anything they decide to keep a closer watch on him rather than keep asking. Neil might go crazy with how much they watch him now, and he still can’t believe they haven’t talked to him about why they are doing this, even if they think he’ll ignore their questions it would make sense for them to voice their concerns to him at least once.

They are waiting to board their plane on the day of the game and Neil just wants to get it over with. He lets Nicky talk at him while they stand by the gate and focuses on getting his head in the game. He won’t be the reason they lose, especially not because he couldn’t handle the pressure. He can feel Andrew watching him but he’s still keeping his distance unless Andrew talks to him first. He doesn’t want to fuck things up if possible.

 They get to the Trojans’ stadium and Neil waits for them to give their player list. It takes a while like last time, so he feels a little better about their chances. When Jeremy comes in to talk to them and hands the list to Wymack, Neil lets out a sigh of relief at the look on his face. He probably shouldn’t have worried so much, the Trojans have always been about bettering themselves and playing because they love the sport so of course they’d still challenge themselves to meet the foxes on even ground.

He tunes out the foxes’ surprise, already thinking about the look on Riko’s face when they take the crown away from him. They go through warmups and then the court doors are being locked and they start. The Trojan’s are in the lead during halftime, but Neil knows they are getting tired, having failed to reserve energy for the next half. He makes sure he pushes hard until the final buzzer though, so the Trojans don’t get the chance to rally, and the foxes win with a better score than last time. They had all gotten better since they hadn’t spent so long fighting each other, and they had three strikers rather than two.

Neil helps hold up Alvarez after the final bell rings when her legs give out. She smiles just like last time, complaining about how she doesn’t think she has legs anymore. Laila leaves the goal to take her girlfriend from Neil and he is amused by their banter. He leaves them to celebrate with his team, getting swept up in their group hug, he lasts a minute before he needs to pull away.

When it’s Neil’s turn to shake Jeremy’s hand, he asks if he has a moment to talk before heading to the showers. He lets Jeremy pull him off to the side, aware that both teams are watching them in confusion, but he focuses on the task at hand. “I have a backliner that needs a new team, I figured I’d give you the chance to swoop him up before anyone else hears that he’s looking.” Neil cuts right to the chase and Jeremy’s smile goes amused and perplexed. “One of the foxes is looking to switch?” He asks, shocked and Neil shakes his head. “No, if I tell you and you decide you don’t want him, you can’t tell anyone who it is, I need a promise.” Neil waits for Jeremy to swear and replies, “Its Jean Moreau. He needs a new team and I think he could benefit from being with the Trojans. You don’t have to worry about buying him out of his contract because he is no longer a raven.” Neil watches as Jeremy goes from completely shocked to very pleased, almost giddy with excitement as he bounces on his feet a little and his smile goes wider.

“I would be a fool to turn down Moreau. If he wants to join the Trojans, then we’ll gladly take him.” He answers, “Though I’m surprised the foxes aren’t signing him,” Jeremy questions and Neil looks away from him, “Jean needs a fresh start, and only I know that he’s looking for a new place. Even if I wanted to keep him, I doubt he would be comfortable with us.” Neil focuses back on Jeremy and sees concern and questions in his eyes, but he doesn’t voice them. “Here, this is my number. I’ll tell Jean that you said yes, and I’ll pass your number on when you contact me, if he agrees to join your team.” Neil says as he hands over a slip of paper with his number on it. Jeremy takes it happily and tells Neil he can’t wait to get in touch as they walk back to their respective teams.

Neil gets bombarded by the foxes on the way to the locker room. “Neil, did my eyes deceive me or did you ask out the Trojans’ team captain? That better be what you did because if I found out you were asking to switch teams I’ll cry.” Nicky gasps at him and Neil turns to look at everyone, “Why would I want to change teams? We’ll be the next champions in a few weeks.” Neil asks confused, not realizing he ignored the first half of the sentence.

Everyone is thrown by his complete faith in them winning that they forget about Jeremy until they are driving back to the airport. “Neil you’ve got game if you slipped Jeremy your number and he looked that happy despite us kicking their asses.” Allison picks up the conversation. “What?” He asks confused and ready for them to drop whatever this is. “Yeah, he looked so excited I thought he was going to jump you right there on the court.” Nicky continues, smiling widely at Neil. “I have no idea what you guys are going on about. I asked Jeremy for a favor and gave him my number so he could help me out.” Neil tells them but they continue teasing him about having a crush on Jeremy. He can’t tell them about Jean just yet, so he tunes them out and decides he’ll spend the weekend at Bailey’s to avoid any more of this.

He manages to sneak away from the foxes before they can drag him to a celebration, going with Bailey to pick up takeout before chilling on his couch and talking to his partners about beating the Trojans and baby things. The weekend is quiet with him avoiding the foxes and resting up for the match against the ravens.

He is at the court for night practice when Kevin and Andrew show up. He had stopped practicing when Kevin did, so he didn’t bother Andrew but with it so close to the final game and with Andrew having told him he didn’t have to avoid him as much Neil doesn’t leave as Kevin gets ready for practice. He runs through drills until Kevin is on the court and then they practice together. Kevin complains about them not practicing together before now, but Neil tells him to take what he gets.

After Neil decides to stop, he had been there a few hours before Kevin showed up, Neil comes out of the shower to find Andrew waiting in the locker room. He looks at him in question as he puts away his gear and grabs his bag. “Let’s play another round.” He gestures for Neil to sit across from him. “What were you talking to Jeremy about? You said you asked him a favor?” Andrew asks, oddly intense for such a simple question. “I was telling him about a player in need of a team, figured the nicest team in the league might be a good fit. Told him to call me if he wanted to get in touch with said player.” Neil answers and watches a tension disappear from Andrew’s shoulders that he doesn’t understand. Neil asks him about his vacation in Germany and heads back to the dorm after.

The two weeks before the finals, Neil joins Kevin for night practices and watches as he starts working with his left hand again. The Trojans were officially knocked out of the running the week before and Neil watches as everyone pushes themselves in preparation. The other foxes join night practice as well and Neil knows they’ll win again.

Neil had spent many his solo night practices working on backliner drills and had brought it up to Kevin when they practiced before the other foxes showed up that it would help Kevin get better with his left hand and Neil could use his speed for defense if needed. So, he spends night practices working with Matt and Nicky and regular practices keeping his striker skills up. Neil isn’t sure if they’ll still need him to switch but he doesn’t want to leave it to chance.

When he isn’t practicing, Neil goes over the plan with Stuart, as well as a backup in case they fail at the championships. He knows they’ve prepared as much as possible and either it will work, or he’ll go to the FBI. He makes sure to memorize who Stuart is bringing with him and who they believe will be with the Moriyama’s.

During those two weeks, Neil also begins to see Andrew around more than ever. He can feel Andrew watching him and hopes whatever he wants to say he’ll decide to do it soon. It happens a few days before the championships. Neil is on the roof after afternoon practice is over when Andrew comes through the door. “I can head inside if you want to be alone.” Neil offers when he sees Andrew hesitate before sitting down beside him. Andrew glares at his words and shakes his head. Neil offers him a cigarette and waits for him to say what he came to say.

“Why don’t you push? It doesn’t make any sense.” Andrew finally asks and Neil turns to look at him. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or ask for something you don’t want to give. You’re pretty good at telling or showing what you need so why would I ignore that?” Neil responds and sees Andrew take a long drag of his cigarette. “Because most people do, because no one cares about other people’s boundaries or feelings so why would you?” Andrew spits out and Neil looks towards the horizon to give him a moment. “Then they are wrong. I can’t give any other explanation or reason than I already have.” Neil hears Andrew suck in a breath.

“Can I kiss you, yes or no?” Andrew asks as he turns his body towards Neil. Neil really wants to say yes but knows it wouldn’t be right. “There is still a lot that I can’t tell you yet. Things that you’ll hate and as much as I want to say yes, it wouldn’t be fair to you.” Neil answers, locking eyes with Andrew, who looks so thrown. “You don’t have to lie, if you don’t want to then just say no.” Andrew finally says, and Neil shakes his head. “I’m not lying when I say I want to kiss you. I really do, and I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone else before. But I won’t put my wants over you. I need some more time before I can tell you everything and if you still want to kiss me after you know then ask me again then. But if I say yes now and it hurts you after you find out the truth, I’ll never forgive myself for it.” Neil keeps eye contact and tries to show him how serious he is being. “Fine, let me know when you’re ready to tell the truth.” Andrew dismisses him and Neil heads back to his room.

Chapter Text

Then, it’s the championship game and they are driving to Edgar Allen. Neil had checked on his uncle and Bailey and things were set there so he just had to focus on winning the game. He needed Ichirou to bring Riko into the east tower after the game to get all of the Moriyama’s in one place as well as their biggest partners. Stuart has already started working out who will take their place and will be loyal to the Hatfords.

They get to the nest and get changed out in the away locker rooms. Neil feels a tingle of apprehension when he sees the black room again and he forces it out of his head. He hadn’t actually lived through it this time and he won’t let it affect him right now. Though he might need to find a way to talk to Betsy about the trauma he originally experienced because it’s not like it will go away just because this body hadn’t experienced it.

The game starts with the ravens being just as vicious as before, but the foxes are better equipped to deal with it this time. Neil watches as Seth and Kevin start, they take a while to get a point, but it also takes longer for the ravens to score than it did before. The game goes quickly, and Neil finds himself as Riko’s backliner when Matt starts limping. He takes in the cocky grin on Riko’s face and lets his father’s cross his, growing wider when Riko falters under it. He manages to trip Riko up enough that the score stays tied until the last minute of the game. Kevin makes the winning shot as Neil’s legs give out and he makes sure to tell Riko how worthless he is and has always been. Riko raises his racquet and Neil is too worn out to dodge, though he kept his helmet on this time.

Before he can connect with Neil’s head, Andrew’s racquet breaks Riko’s arm and he falls to the ground screaming. The foxes surround Neil while he looks at a broken Riko. They get pulled from the court and are kept in the locker room while the crowd is dispersed, and cops ask them about what happened. Riko’s attack had been extremely public, and Neil had obviously not been the one to start it, physically at least. So, they are cleared easily and Neil hurries to change and meet the foxes at the bus after he gets done being questioned.

The others had wanted to wait for him, but he wanted them as far from the building as possible and sent them off without him, telling them he was ready to get out of there as soon as possible. He is about to leave when Bailey calls him. “Neil, I’m stuck in the tower. I took a bullet to my leg and don’t think I’m going to make it out in time, I need you to tell…” Bailey bites out through the pain and Neil immediately makes his way to the tower. “Shut up, I’m not telling anyone anything for you because you’re going to do it yourself.” Neil hangs up and makes his way into the room where he watched Riko die. He sees bodies everywhere, all dead except Ichirou who is bleeding out still, the man glares at him and tries to raise his gun but Neil kicks it away and turns to find Bailey against the windows.

He helps the man stand and moves them as quickly as possible out of the room and down the stairs. They have a minute before the charges go off and though it should be concentrated to the tower itself, Neil wants them nowhere near it when it goes off. They have reached the bottom of the stairs when the explosion rocks the building and sends them flying forward. Neil pushes himself up and grabs Bailey, making their way to the entrance where Stuart will hopefully be.

Before they can make it, Tetsuji finds them. He must have snuck out when the shooting started because he’s splattered with blood but doesn’t appear to be injured. He sees Bailey hanging off Neil and pulls out a gun. Neil throws Bailey to the side and dives out of the way of the bullet. He rushes Tetsuji and they struggle for a minute before Tetsuji manages to get the gun between them and shoots Neil in the side. Neil punches him in the throat and rips the gun out of his hand. He shoots him in the head quickly before making his way over to Bailey who was struggling to stand.

He wipes the prints off the gun and puts it in Tetsuji hand, maybe they’ll think he killed himself. They limp their way to the entrance and find Stuart rushing back inside. He helps carry Bailey outside and Neil’s phone rings again. “Hello?” He answers when he sees it is Andrew. “Where are you? Get to the bus now before these idiots storm the fucking building.” Andrew growls at him and Neil hangs up. They see the foxes before the foxes see them and Neil sees their faces change from relief at finding him to fear as they take in all the blood.

“We need to get Bailey to the hospital; he’s lost a lot of blood.” Neil urges as he walks past the shocked faces and heads onto the bus with Stuart and Bailey. They get him settled in a seat and Stuart starts putting pressure on Bailey’s leg when the others rush on. Abby grabs her bag and shoos Stuart away. His uncle gives Neil an amused look as he stands because no one here knows who they’ve let on their bus. “Bloody hell, Ram. Why didn’t you say you were hurt as well?” Stuart scolds as he sees the blood dripping from Neil’s side.

“It’s alright, through and through. And it didn’t hit anything important.” Neil answers as Stuart pulls his shirt up enough to look at the wound. The foxes start shouting when they hear that, asking what happened, who shot him, etc. “Alright, that isn’t bloody helping so quiet down.” Stuart shouts over them and Neil lets out a snort when they fall silent. “Now, if we could get these two to the hospital on central, that would be best.” Stuart tells Wymack who waits for Neil to nod before starting the bus.

Abby has cleaned up Bailey’s leg and has him hold gauze to help stop the bleeding. Stuart has taken to doing the same with Neil’s side, Neil can see that the foxes are worried and dying to know what’s going on, but Stuart’s command has kept them from asking. He sees that Andrew is watching him, he hadn’t looked away since Neil had admitted to his injury. The drive to the hospital takes 10 minutes and everyone follows as he and Stuart help Bailey off the bus and inside. Stuart ignores the receptionist and heads straight through the lobby and to the back.

The foxes aren’t stupid, so they can tell that Stuart has a lot of power and observe that Neil is getting similar looks of respect and distance. He had been to this hospital only once, after a target managed to hit him with a thrown knife, but since they work for the Hatfords, everyone knows Stuart’s nephew. “Here, set Bailey down there and get on the other bed, Ram. Fucking idiot.” Stuart orders and Neil doesn’t have the energy to argue. “Yeah, Ram. Can’t believe you let that old man shoot you, makes me embarrassed to know you.” Bailey calls from his bed, voice a little slurred from blood loss and pain but eyes full of mischief and relief.

Neil snorts and flips him off, “Fuck off, who was the one who’s ass needed recusing? Don’t make me regret carrying you down all those stairs.” Neil bites back, glad to distract himself from what he knows will be a long conversation with his team later. “Both of you are going to get a knock upside the head for the stupid shit you pulled.” Stuart growls and Bailey gasps in mock fear, “I don’t see how I’m getting blamed for this?! I told Ram that he was going to have to take over as father of my child and he decided he’d rather risk his life than change diapers. Talk about fucked up priorities.” Bailey responds and Neil can hear the gratitude in his voice, so he doesn’t get up to smack him.

“Really, you think I want to be the one to tell your partners your last words? I had a lower chance of surviving that conversation than I did pulling your ass from the tower. Tell me I’m wrong?” Neil fires back and watches Bailey and Stuart wince at how likely that would have been. “Yeah, I still remember the last time you got hurt and they decided I hadn’t been fast enough, I can still hear the threats they spit at me.” Neil had lived through an abusive serial killer father, an abusive paranoid mother and the nest and he can still say with all confidence that no one scares him as much as Charlie and Sam when they are protecting Bailey. God help anyone who hurts their child because they won’t pull any punches.

“Alright, stop arguing you three. Stuart, step back so I can put these idiots back together.” Gertie, one of the Hatfords on call doctors, demands as she enters the room. “You really didn’t have faith in us if you brought Gert here.” Bailey says as she starts cleaning and sewing up his leg. Luckily, the bullet hadn’t broken any bone and she was able to pull it out easily enough. The foxes look sick as they watch her work. “To be fair, we did get injured so probably a reasonable conclusion to come to.” Neil teases Bailey who huffs out a laugh before flipping him off.

Gertie finishes his leg and comes over to him, “You’ll have to take off your shirt boy.” She tells him as she gets her equipment ready. Neil hesitates and looks at the foxes before deciding fuck it and lets her help him pull it off. He hears the gasps as his friends take in the scars but focuses on Gertie. “I assume you don’t want anything?” She asks, though she doesn’t need to, Neil let her dope him up once and had a panic attack so bad that he made the wound worse, so they decided it was better to go without. He shakes his head and they both ignore Abby’s cry of protest.

The wound was pretty clean, so the stitches didn’t take long, and he kept talking to Bailey to distract himself. They talked about the upcoming baby shower and what was needed before the baby comes. Bailey tells him that he better be at the hospital when it’s time or he won’t like what Charlie does to him. Afterwards, Gertie gives them antibiotics and pain meds before leaving. Neil lets Stuart help him into a clean shirt and both of them help Bailey into clean pants.

Neil slumps against Bailey’s bed and lets out a breath. “Okay, let’s get out of here before something else goes wrong. I want to sleep for a week.” Neil says and starts walking for the door. The foxes scramble to follow and Neil tells Stuart to drop by when things settle down here. The foxes let him get on the bus before they demand answers.

Neil tells them about his father, how he was to be given to Tetsuji to be part of Riko’s perfect court or killed if he couldn’t play. How his mother stole millions from his father and ran with him. Told them about Seattle and heading to Millport, how he was tired of running and got in contact with his uncle from a different mafia family and they started planning to kill his father and keep him from the Moriyamas. He joined the foxes because he just wanted to play and because it would make it harder for his enemies to just kill him. He talks about how the Hatfords helped kill his father, how they started dismantling the Moriyama empire, going after their allies, and he tells Kevin that they got Jean out after their first match with the ravens, he had helped them with the evidence against the nest and would join the Trojans next semester. Finally, they knew all of them would be in the east tower after the game and set up charges around it that would kill everyone there but not take out the rest of the nest. But Tetsuji escaped and tried to kill Neil and Bailey so he killed him and anyone who could rightfully lead was dead so the Hatfords were setting up an ally to take over.

After he answers any follow up questions, the ride is silent, and Neil falls asleep. He wakes when they get back to campus but decides he’ll take some time to rest and recover before talking  to Andrew. It might still be too soon to come clean but if he waited it wouldn’t be about protecting Andrew anymore, it would be about protecting himself. So, he heads to his room to sleep and plans to talk to Andrew in a few days.

Chapter Text

Two days later, Neil approaches Andrew to ask where he was comfortable talking. Andrew takes them to Columbia alone, and Neil is an anxious mess. He doesn’t know what to do, he knows how crazy the truth is, but he can’t keep it to himself anymore. They sit on the back porch and Neil takes a long drag of his cigarette, “I’m just going to start, this is going to sound crazy, and I know that, but you deserve the whole truth.” Neil rambles a little, nerves taking hold of him. Andrew gestures for him to get on with it.

“Okay, I’m not really Neil, or I mean I’m Neil from 10 years in the future.” He spits out and Andrew scoffs, “Really?” He mocks and Neil winces. “I know its hard to believe but I’m telling the truth. I went to bed in my new apartment in Denver, ready to start playing for their exy team and then the next thing I knew, I was back in my 18-year-old body. Meeting you, Kevin and Wymack again. I thought it was a weird dream or prank or something but eventually had to accept that I was back in the past, with my father still alive and all alone. I figured it would be a chance to change things.” Neil tells him and then he has Andrew ask him questions only Andrew would know the answer to, things he hasn’t told anyone else, but that Neil could easily answer. He can tell that Andrew is thrown by how much Neil knows that he has no way of finding out without Andrew being the one to tell him. After Andrew stops asking questions Neil lights another cigarette.

“I hated not telling you sooner, but I knew you were suspicious of me, and the drugs made it even more unlikely that you would believe me. I had hoped that after I proved that I wasn’t a threat then when I told you it would have been easier to accept. I know how much you need for there to be even trade.” Neil says, and Andrew narrows his eyes at him. He doesn’t want to believe Neil but is unable to deny everything he’s said.

He has Neil tell him what happened in his previous timeline and what’s changed in this one. He learns about Riko showing up at Kathy’s, Neil protecting Kevin, Seth dying because of that. How Riko paid Drake to attack Andrew at the Hemmicks’ for thanksgiving and how Aaron killed him. Him going to Easthaven to get off his meds early but a Dr. Proust, also paid by Riko, hurt him. How Neil went to the nest because Riko said he would leave Andrew alone but lied. How Neil’s father kidnapped him from the bearcats’ game, tortured him and how close he came to dying. Neil making a deal with the FBI to testify against his father’s empire. Them beating the ravens and Neil watching Ichirou shoot Riko in the head. And the deal he made with Ichirou to keep living.

Andrew learns about how he graduated and went on to play professional exy, Aaron went to and graduated med school with Katelyn and got married after they finished their residencies. And Nicky moved back to Germany and married Erik. Neil tells him that they had started their nothing before his father grabbed him and had just finished their first season playing on the same team before he woke up in the past. Andrew isn’t surprised that he had a thing with Neil, he is drawn to him even now but from what Neil’s said and the things Andrew had willingly told him, he was comfortable with Neil.

He has Neil expand on the things he changed. So delaying Riko’s plane, getting Andrew off the drugs earlier because he knew how much he hated them, having Proust killed. Since the Moriyamas are gone, Neil doesn’t have to play exy to live anymore. He doesn’t have the scars from his father kidnapping him, nor the number four tattooed on his cheek. And Andrew and Aaron’s relationship is better than before, having been handled less explosively. Andrew asks about Lola and Neil tells him that they had never found the tapes in his old timeline, so he never learned about it.

“When you first came here, you had a black eye and bruising on your neck. Where did you get it?” Andrew asks as he remembers the handprints wrapping around his neck. Neil had let everyone believe it was his parents but that’s not true. Andrew realizes even before Neil answers that Drake had gone missing, or ‘on the run’ around the time Neil graduated. “I wasn’t going to take any chances, so I went to California and killed him.” Neil confirms his suspicions. Andrew feels anger replace the fear he feels at the thought of Neil anywhere near Drake, it grows as he thinks about Drake being close enough to choke him. He snarls at Neil for putting his nose where it does not belong. “I wasn’t going to let him hurt you again, Andrew.” Neil argues, refusing to apologize for protecting him.

Andrew stops before he punches Neil for putting himself at risk like that, then he remembers the first night he took him to Eden’s. “You knew I was going to drug you and drank it anyway, you let me do that knowing someone was going to attack you?” Andrew growls, crushing his cigarette. “No, that didn’t happen before. I was going to answer your questions to hopefully ease your suspicions but forgot about Nicky slipping me the second dose and was worried I’d tell you about the time travel, so I tried to find the busboy I had paid last time to knock me out but ended up on the wrong side of the dance floor. I would not have taken the drugs again if that happened the first time.” Neil rushes to reassure Andrew, knowing he would blame himself or think he abused Neil or something.

Andrew relaxes but remembers Neil’s face when he said not to let Nicky touch him, and the comment about Nicky slipping him another dose which had not been the plan. “What about how you acted around Nicky, you were scared.” Andrew bites out, already thinking the worse. “The first time, Nicky slipped me the drugs in a kiss, and then the next morning I woke up in his bed with him. I was worried that the drugs would cause me to confuse everything if I woke up next to him again and I would try to run.” Neil answers and Andrew’s jaw clenches at his words, “Did he touch you?” he demands, and Neil shakes his head, “Not beyond kissing at Eden’s, this time I avoided it and knocked him down to get away.” Neil replies.

“Did I know in the other timeline?” Andrew asks eventually. “At first, before I got to know you, I assumed you told him to do it or that you didn’t care. Then when I realized how against it you would have been I had already forgiven Nicky and put it out of my mind. But Nicky was the one to say something a year later, and you forbade him from talking to me for a while after that. But it didn’t happen this time anyway.” Neil answers and he can tell that Andrew isn’t impressed with his words. He’s still going to warn Nicky about what will happen if he ignores someone’s no again.

It’s past midnight so Andrew tells Neil its time to go inside and sleep. Neil goes to crash in Nicky’s room, but Andrew stops him. He is still upset about what he’s learned, and he makes Neil take Aaron’s bed, despite how much Neil does and Aaron would hate the idea. Andrew doesn’t get much sleep as he thinks about everything Neil has told him. He can understand why Neil hadn’t said yes to kissing him, Andrew would have been upset if they had started sleeping together and then he learned that Neil knew everything about him and didn’t give him the chance to truly consent.

He doesn’t think what he’s learned has stopped his attraction to Neil. Rather, he cannot believe someone like Neil exists. Someone who tries to keep things even, who respects his boundaries. Even when he had once been let inside them, he never felt owed Andrew’s time or attention. He let Andrew be, because he knew that he didn’t own him. Hell, Andrew was still sleeping with Roland up until he asked to kiss Neil. And there was no way Neil hadn’t realized, but he had never acted hurt or jealous that Andrew was with someone else. Andrew is having trouble figuring out if that’s a good thing or if it means that Neil didn’t really care for him.

The next morning, Neil wakes up to Andrew making breakfast and he forgoes his morning run when he sees that Andrew wants to talk more. “Good morning.” He says as he makes a cup of coffee. Andrew is making eggs and bacon and beyond a nod in response he doesn’t say anything until they finish eating.

“I believe you’re telling the truth.” Andrew starts. Neil can’t keep the surprised relief off his face at Andrew’s words. “Okay, so where do we go from here?” Neil asks when it remains quiet. “I still want to kiss you, but I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. There’s no guarantee that we’ll stay together just because it happened in some other future.” Andrew answers, watching for Neil’s reaction.

“I want you to be safe and happy, Andrew. If that means we are together for a day or twenty years, or if you decide you don’t want to try, all that matters to me is you.” Neil responds, “Ever since I woke up back in Millport, I knew things were going to be different but different doesn’t mean it’ll be bad. All I ask it that you tell me if something is wrong or too much, because I don’t want to ever hurt you.” Neil watches Andrew think over his words. He knows this will not be easy if they decide to get together, but he thinks if anyone could make it through, then it would be them,

Andrew moves to stand over him, “The same goes for you. You’ll tell me if something is wrong so we can work through it together." He says as he takes Neil’s chin in his hand. Neil nods as a smile takes over his face. Andrew leans down to brush their lips together once, twice, before deepening it enough to make Neil moan. Andrew pulls back to look at Neil, an eyebrow raised in amusement and Neil just snorts out a shy laugh before they are kissing again.

Eventually they will talk more about how their relationship will work. Work through fears and insecurities as well as deal with the foxes’ reactions to them being together. Things won’t always be easy, and they’ll have to weather some tough storms, but they will make it. Right now though, they aren’t worried about what will come, now is the time for kissing until they can’t anymore and then continuing on anyway.

Chapter Text

Neil has been tense all day. He and Andrew just finished their last game of their first season playing together. Ever since Neil had woken up that morning he had been dreading for the day to end. It was this day that he had gone to sleep next to Andrew only to wake up back in Millport. There was never any explanation as to how that happened, and Neil has no guarantee that it will be different this time.

Andrew had been trying to distract him when he realized that telling Neil he’d wake up in their bed wasn’t working. And Neil knows that Andrew is worried as well, he can see it in the way he hovers near Neil, holding his hand or going for quick soft kisses whenever he’s in range.

The years after Neil went back in time were not always easy. Neil would sometimes get things confused when talking about the past and Andrew would have to remind him. But overall, the changes were for the better. Neil wasn’t worried that the Moriyama’s would kill him at any moment and could just enjoy playing the sport he loves and staying in touch with his old and new friends.

So, Neil really doesn’t want to go through it all a third time. He wants to wake up next to Andrew, go on vacation with his old teammates, and drop the bomb that he and Andrew had gotten married. He can already see the jaws on the foxes’ faces hanging open in shock as Renee wins the bet on when, if ever, they tie the knot and then again when Renee hands half the winnings to Andrew like they used to do when everyone was sure they were going to end up together.

But he can’t very well do all that if he gets thrown back in the past again. He doesn’t know how to keep that from happening, needs to keep it from happening. “Neil, breathe.” Andrew calls from beside him as he squeezes the back of his neck gently. Neil sucks in air, leaning to rest his forehead against Andrew’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go back.” He whispers when he can breathe normally again. “I know,” Andrew pulls him onto his lap because the only thing he can do is be close. They just have to wait and see what happens and both hate not having control over their own lives.

They don’t go to bed that night. Andrew keeps Neil close, smoking on their porch while they wait for the sun to rise. The silence remains unbroken for the next several hours, time spent between holding each other, kissing, and lighting cigarette after cigarette. When light breaks across the sky, neither of them move, still worried that whatever took Neil the first time would do so again.

But as nothing happens and the sun gets higher in the sky, they begin to believe. To relax and breathe easier, to know that time will keep moving forward for both of them. And if they don’t let the other go for the rest of the day, even when the others comment on their sudden need to be touching, well that’s okay too.