Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Dear Void,

I am writing to you because I need a place to dump all of my… junk? in my brain. Your the only person thing.. that won’t judge. I mean, how can a pit-less black hole act like a snob? Don’t answer that. I start high school next week. I don’t want to go. Mom says I “just do” whenever i ask her why. I’ve been thinking a lot about band class in elementary school, I might join there, if they even have one. This town doesn’t have anything fun. I hate ohio. I hated michigan too, but it was better than this. and thats saying a lot. At least I could cover my face with something without sweating my balls off, seriously, why is it so damn humid? Whenever I see anyone my age in public, I await the snickers and the whispering, as it’s a given. You see, nothing, …im calling you that. I have a birthmark on my cheek. A small blotch of brown that has defined I will forever have no friends. I used to think it was stupid, ’it’s just a big freckle!’ I’d tell myself, laughing it off. Later, I began to believe what the whispers said. Don’t even get me started on my nose. it seems almost perfect compared to the hate I have for my birthmark, but, its hooked, and long. My fathers nose. I think that’s the worst part of it. I wish I got mom’s. her’s is pretty, and raises ever so slightly when she smiles. I did get her dark curly locks, which I have a love-hate relationship with. Anyways, my hand is cramping up.

Goodybe, Void.

- Teo.” 

Mateo stood, staring blankly. His mom was rambling on about school supplies, and something about which backpack they can afford. “Mijo, are you listening?” She snapped her fingers in front of his face, her nails clacking together. “yes” The boy answered in a flat tone, rubbing his elbow and occasionally picking at the skin with his finger nails. 

His mom made an unsatisfactory ‘tsk’ sound, and picked a backpack without his input. Teo clutched the list he had got from the school, almost ripping the paper. His mom held out her hand. He placed the list in her palm, the ink smudged from and the paper now crinkled. Sighing, she walked to the next isle. He followed, glancing around to see if anyone was looking.

They were at a local supermarket, they had set out a “Back To School” section, that his mother was now hastily browsing. Mateo really didn’t see why it was necessary, he considered it was because his mom wanted to ‘appease to the white rich people’ It was a new state, of course she wanted to make an impression. Still, his Jansport he stole from his middle school’s “lost and found” would do just fine. The teen made a ‘bleh’ like sound as his mom tossed wooden pencils in her basket.

Whipping her head to him, her brow furrowed, then softened “The mechanical pencils are $5. These are 50 cents.” Holding up the package to him. “Look, it says here they don’t snap easily.” Pointing to some script on the plastic, all Mateo was paying attention to was the piece of hair stuck to her manicure.

”Sure.” He mumbled. She took a breath as to scold him for not speaking up, but stopped herself and turned on her heel. 

He stabbed his fork into the roast she had cooked, pretending he enjoyed it when she looked up smiling at him. He had already ate his rice. It’s not that the food was bad, it was that his stomach was churning, it was that he was trying so very hard not to vomit from the fluttering feeling in his stomach. “We’ll save it for tomorrow.” She gathered the plates, placing Mateo’s roast in a Tupperware, then into the fridge. 

“You should take spanish.” She suggested, clearing the rest of the table. The boy slouched down in his chair. He hadn’t learned spanish. His mom always wanted to, but he thought he’d only be able to talk to his mom in spanish, so what was the use? “I’m not going to change it by myself.” He threw up a bit in his mouth at the thought.

”I will take care of it.” She reassured, cupping his cheek with her hand, rubbing her thumb across the skin gently. “Get some rest.” she rubbed his shoulder as he stood to hug her goodnight. She placed a kiss on his forehead. Teo stuck out his tongue in disgust jokingly, as a laugh erupted from his mother. 

He lay awake under his covers that night. He didn’t want to go. But he didn’t want to worry her, so he knew he had to.

The next morning, His mom pulled out a tie from one of his drawers. “mama.. it’s public school.” He stated. “You can never look too nice!” She said in a sing-song voice, turning around. She opened her eyes. “What are you wearing?” She complained, her hands finding their way to her hips. “Jeans and T-shirt?” Dumbfoundly tugging at his shirt. Shaking her head, She pulled out a collared shirt, an khakis. “Mommm..” Mateo whined, putting his face in his hands. “Mijooo!” She copied him, placing the clothes to his chest. “Go change, please.” Her tone got more stern on ‘please’.

She retreated to the bathroom to brush out her hair while it was still wet. He changed per his mom’s request. Standing awkwardly with an angry expression on his face as he waited for her approval. She came out from the bathroom, placing her Rosary on her neck. She grinned, clasping her hands together. She pinched his cheek as he swatted her away, grumbling all the way to the car.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, the churning in his stomach returned. “You go to class. I will talk with your counselor.” She smiled, rubbing his back in circles. “hey, you’ll be okay.” He gave her his best fake smile he could crack. Scurrying out of the car and straight to the nearest bathroom. He loosened his tie, pulling it off his neck. He breathed in deep, untucking his shirt from his pants. Putting the tie in his backpack, he pulled out the crumpled paper that was his schedule. He groaned, ‘math first.’ he sighed, looking over the rest of his time table. “Of course they gave the jewish kid Culture studies.” He remarked sarcastically.

Classes were boring, uneventful. He passed the band room. They had one!… You had to be in that class, and his mom wanted him in Spanish so he couldn’t. Bummed out, He took the bus home. 

He put his bag on the table, slipping off his shoes. “I got your classes sorted, you start Spanish tomorrow.” His mom yelled out to him. She was in the living room, her reading glasses on and a book in her hands. She turned to face him. “what happened to your tie?” She quirked, pulling her glasses off. “Oh, uh- I got hot.” She raised her brow, but didn’t comment on it further.

Mateo Didn’t go to Spanish class the next day.

He Walked into the band room, as it was propped open unattended. He froze up at the sound of laughing. Two boys sat in conversation, near the cubbies where the instruments are held. One had a trumpet laid across his lap, seeming to be wiping it down with a cloth. Goofy looking circle glasses adorned his face, his hair straight as a pin laying across his forehead. Mateo almost wanted to laugh at him, But that’d be mean… ‘Maybe I just want to laugh with them’ He supposed. The boy across from him almost the exact opposite. His hair was big, poofy. His curls bounced as he laughed. A pair of cleats sat on the floor next to him.

Mateo was quick to hurry out. The sound of an annoyed woman's voice boomed over the speakers. Teo jumped, holding his chest. “Mateo VerLeece, Report to the office.” shit. 

His head hung low as the principal talked to his mom. “Skipping classes is a non-tolerable offense at our school.” My mom pleaded, telling the man it wouldn’t happen again. He let him off with no consequences after his mother’s conviction. “You can’t do this again, do you hear me?” Her tone was stern. She paused. “Why didn’t you go to Spanish Mijo?” Her angry toned morphed to sadness, a visible frown on her face.

“I want to take Band.” He spoke. He watched his feet as they walked, not wanting to face her. “Band?…” He knew she was upset, But the crack in her voice stung more than anticipated. “Do you not want to learn Spanish?” She trailed off.  “I do mom, I just-“ He started. “I want to play again.” Her brow softened. “Band is expensive..” Her words seemed more empathetic now.

”I still have my clarinet. I’ll need a new reed but-“ He kicked a pebble on the concrete, the September sun beating down on the two of them.

”ok.” She let out a breath. “ok?” He looked up at her in confusion. “I’ll talk to her again about your classes, but, no more changes!” She wagged her finger. Mateo grinned. “I promise.”

That night He Dug under his bed, Finding a box, with his dusty clarinet. He blew the dust off, excited. His face grew dim. The lower joint looked as if it was about to fall apart. He slumped on his knees. He couldn’t be the kid in class without an instrument. He hesitantly let his mom know. The next day, She talked to the band director. She told Mateo that a kid had left her clarinet behind after graduation, and I could use it to play. He curled his lip down at having to use something secondhand like that, let alone a girl used it before him. The ‘cooties’ thing may have stopped for most by middle school, but Teo still hated girls. Either way, he was grateful.

The boy’s band director was very nice, and welcomed him to his class. His name was Mr.P, short for Mr. Parkman. He stood tall, He had a big beard, Sparse brown hair. He reminded Mateo of Santa Claus, just a bit. “You’ve played before, yeah?” He asked. “I mean… I was 10.” Mateo rubbed the back of his neck.

He laughed a big hearty laugh. “I’m sure we can catch you up to speed.”

Dear Void,

I haven’t written to you for a few weeks. I started School. I am doing ok in most of my classes, failing math…as to be expected. My mom drove me nuts last night with homework, I kept telling her i didn’t get it and she kept telling me to just read how to solve the problem, then i’ll know. Band with Mr. Perkman has been well. I am still remembering how to read sheet music, but i’m getting the hang of it again. I don’t really know why, But I was bummed when the boy with the trumpet wasn’t in my class. He and his friend seemed Funny. Nice? I’m not sure. Mr.P is recommending I join marching band, as the season is starting soon. I'm Still not sure. I think i’d look ridiculous in that stupid feather hat thing. I don’t even know what’s it’s called. I don’t know why i am taking the time to write this out and tell you. I should just say what I need to. That feeling I get, That feels like your have a pit in your brain, That feels like you have no hope for anything, and you’re a worthless piece of shit. You know that feeling. It’s setting in tonight. What is wrong with me? I have a wonderful mom. She cares for me so much. She only drinks on new years now. I remember when i was younger she would drink a lot. One particular night she came back, drunk. I made a can spaghetti-o’s for myself that evening. I was seven. She cried into me, hugging me tight. I remember telling her she was alright, and asking what was wrong. She poured out everything to me as if I  was her therapist. She told me about my father. About how he touched her. About how she had me. In hindsight, she definitely didn’t know she was talking to me, but fuck. A seven year old didn’t  need to hear he was a product of rape. I really didn’t know what she meant at the time. I thought she was sad because her and daddy were in Love, and she was just so sad he wasn’t with us. I wish I kept assuming that. My mom doesn’t remember telling me this, and she thinks i don’t know. I used to love my dad, missed him because he left us. After it really sunk in what happened to him, I despised him. How could he do that to my mom? She didn’t deserve that. She deserved to live her life, and not have a mistake of a child to care for. I sometimes wonder if deep down she hates me because I Look like him.

Goodbye, Void

- Teo.

Mateo slouched in his chair, his eyes unfocused. The sound of his English teacher’s voice morphing into muted gibberish. He tapped his foot against the tile floor vigorously. The teen jumped up at the bell sounding, gathering his belongings quickly. 

It was time for the part of the school day he hated most, lunch. Having to in front of people was already uncomfortable enough, his peers conversing and laughing with their friends while he sat alone was even worse. Sometimes he went to Mr. P’s, and ate there and talked with him. As much as his Band teacher’s company was nice, It made him feel even more like a loser after. His mom had made friends with any other mother possible. He had to attend dinner with one of her friends tonight, Which he didn’t want to do. He just wanted to curl up in a ball, and sleep forever.

”Don’t worry, She is very kind.” His mom rubbed his shoulders, grabbing her keys off of the hook. She had made him dress in khakis and a collared shirt just as his first day of school. Mateo stood stiff, uncomfortable and annoyed. Those were his default emotions, really. 

Ringing the doorbell, A woman emerged out. High pitched greetings and smiles were shared between the two, then she turned her attention to you. “You must be Mateo? Yes?” She grinned. “Apologize if my english isn’t the best, still learning!” She laughed. Teo mumbled a small hello. His mom shot him a scolding look telling him to speak up with her eyes.

“Well come in! Time to eat.” She ushered him and his mom in. The house smelled of incense and food, the atmosphere felt almost cozy. The shoulders that The boy didn’t even know he had tensed, dropped down into a relaxed manner. “One of my boys is practicing, so he won’t be eating.” She grimaced jokingly, but also a bit seriously. A man placing steaming food on the table came into view. he was looking down, but his face still looked kind, maybe even wise, even from the angle. “Oh! where my manners! I am Sonuk, This is my husband, Cliffton.” She gestured to him, smiling. His mother moved to shake his hand, giving him an enthusiastic greeting. She moved out if the way, introducing you to him. He wiped down his fogged up glasses from the food’s Steam, reaching towards Mateo. He put his hand forward, nodding. “Nice to meet you son.” He gave him a warm smile, and a firm squeeze to the Teen’s hand.

Teo didn’t feel all that bad.

It was almost expected by him, also by him mom, that he would not enjoy it. But he brought spoonfuls of soup to his lips, listening to Sunok Talk about the meal. “It’s Korean name is jjigae, most people call it Kimchi-Stew.” He really did like the meal, more than expected.

“Thomas!” Cliffton shouted towards upstairs. A groan can be heard, before a boy a bit older than him trots down. “You’re late.” His father warns in a stern whisper, giving him a death stare. You exchange quiet Hello’s as he sat to you, the smell of weed filled Mateo’s nose almost immediately. He gave a funny, yet knowing look to the boy next to him. He glanced back to him in response. “Thomas.” His mom cleared her throat. “This is Mateo, and his mom, Valerie.” The boy gave a wave to the woman, as she said hello in return. 

Mostly, they ate in silence, the only of their spoons cackling against the porcelain China bowls. ’She must have gotten these out of her cabinet just for us’ He silently laughed at the thought, knowing it was most likely true. 

The moms began conversing, Mateo felt a tap at his foot. Thomas’ slipper hit the side of his Slide gently. The boy raised his eyebrows, holding up what appeared to be a bag of weed under the table. Teo laughed so hard soup came out of his nose, the rest of his stew spilling onto the older boy’s lap. He didn’t even know why it was so funny, it just was. His mom began profusely apologizing, giving a worried yet angry glare to her son. 

“It’s fine! fine!” Sunok waved her palms, a small smile on her face in reassurance as the other Woman started rambling in spanish. Sunok’s husband was already up, with a rag helping Thomas clean up. The boy shot you a death stare from the counter across the kitchen. “I can’t get it out, either change or bring me the remover.” As the stain remover was across the house near the laundry room, the boy opted for changing. Mateo stood, only now noticing his stew and snot mixed stained polo. 

The man sighed. “I think we have some spare clothes for you? im sure it’s slimy.” He chuckled. “Thank you.” Teo rubbed the back of his neck, laughing lightly. “Thomas can show you to the bathroom.” he smiled, sending you upstairs with thomas. 

As soon as the two teens were out of earshot and sight of their parents, the began arguing. “Why the hell did you do that? Trying to hook you up!” He folded his arms with a huff. “I don’t smoke.” Mateo laughed a little again. “God you’re just like my little brother, shirt tucked in and all.” He teased, shaking soup out of his pocket, and the baggie. “Listen, If it were up to me, my shirt wouldn’t be tucked in man.” He leaned his elbow on the counter, splashing his face with water. Mateo knew his gripe wasn’t with the shirt. “I’m sure you’ll be begging at my knees for some. I’d give it a year at most.” Thomas remarked, smugly. “yeah, right.” Mateo scoffed.

Teo shook his head, pulling his polo off. The older boy tossed him a shirt. “Do i look this tiny?” Mateo held the shirt up, it looked way too small. It was red, with “MILFORD” stitched across the front. Thomas walked up to him, grabbing the shirt and holding it up to his chest. “Looks your size.” the younger boy turned to look in the mirror, the shirt lining up with the edge of his torso. He let out a huff of surprise, pulling it over his head. 

Coming back downstairs, the pleasant smell of incense found it’s way to Mateo’s nostrils once more. He breathed in. His mom and her friend were sat on the sofa, appearing to be showing off their nails. The biggest smile on the lady’s face, a stark contrast to earlier. “Ah!” Sunok patted the seat next to her. “Come Come!” She grinned, her eyes crinkling up. She pulled out a few nail polishes, asking for the boy’s input. Thomas gave out a displeased noise, walking away. Mateo now stood there alone.  He hesitantly joined them, picking the forest green, presumably for her next set. “I thought this one too.” She whispered. 

Eventually, they said their goodbyes for the night. Mateo had learned That Sunok did his mom’s nails, and that is how they met. He showed him pictures, and they appeared to be pretty impressive. it’s not like he knew anything about nail art, but, they were pleasing to the eye. His mom forgot about the whole event with the stew spilling, which Mateo almost prayed and thanked God. Keyword, almost. His mother used to be an avid Christian, still is, she just doesn’t attend church as often anymore. Mateo’s thoughts on God were clouded and doubtful, but of course he put on a good face for his mom, her happy face meant everything. But, he was too sleepy to think about this more now. 

By the time the car ride back home had come to an end, Teo was drooling on his borrowed shirt, sleeping.

His mom shook her head. “last time, Mijo.” She picked him up, bridal style. She figured he had faked sleeping to be carried, something he often did after he got too big for it, but this time, he really was out.

The next morning, he had to wake up early to catch the bus. His mom couldn’t take him as she had already left. He opted out of showering, knowing his mom would be pestering him about it if she knew. He pulled on a zip-up. He had tie-dyed it himself years ago, it being so big then, he could wear it now. He put on the first sneakers in sight, grabbing his bag and rushing out. He heard the loud exhaust of the vehicle, and heat radiating off of it. He didn’t enjoy the bus, especially in mornings, it was much more annoying. Boarding the bus, He watched the trees pass out the window as he rode.

His day went as normal. He felt too drained to go eat with Mr. P today, so he found a quiet shady spot near the field. Technically, he wasn’t aloud to eat there, but he wanted a moment of peace. In band, he stayed after a bit, he did not want to walk up three flights up stairs to his seventh period. 

“You know Mat, you can skip seventh if you come to practice!” His director teased. “I can’t tell if you’re joking.” The boy squinted his eyes. “Well, if you really do show up, It could be excused.” The man proposed, holding up a pass sheet. “Deal.” Mateo rolled his eyes. Mr. Perkman smiled. So, he stayed sat in his seat as more students starting filing in for next period. Teo did a double take as a certain boy he had forgotten about as he joined a group of boys. His eyes didn’t leave him as he glided across the floor. Wait what? Mateo thought he was going insane. He craned his neck, and saw the boy had Heely’s. He couldn’t stifle his wheeze, and a few people looked at him weird, but he sunk down in his chair, his jacket sleeve covering his mouth. 

Mateo sat through the rest of the class period slunked down in the chair, his back was aching. Mr. P scolded him a few times for having his hood on, but eventually gave up at the 15 minute mark. The boy didn’t have much to do, besides quickly glance to the left of the room. He started to doze off, until the release bell blared. He groaned, holding his chest, his heart beating fast. 

Students filed out quickly, a few, as well as Mateo stayed back. “Gotta hold up your end of the bargain.” Mr. Parkman teased, motioned for the group to follow. Walking out to the field, it was so humid and sticky. Teo peeled out of his jacket, making a dramatic gagging noise. “It is not that bad out here.” His director laughed, a few people snickering as well. He pulled the boy to his side. “If any if you do not know, This is Mat.-“ “-Teo.” Only Mr. P called him Mat. He’d much rather his band mates be calling him Mateo. “Yes, MaTeO,’ he remarked in a silly voice. ‘ He plays Clarinet. catch him up to speed on the music, yes?” The man held a thumbs up as the group nodded. 

“Where the hell did you get my shirt?” The heely boy immediately came up to Mateo as Mr. P put his attention elsewhere. “What?” Mateo blinked in confusion. “Yes it’s my shirt, there’s a stain from when my brother farted on-“ He began grabbing at the fabric, as the other boy broke out laughing. He pointed out a stain, and Mateo stopped laughing as soon as he realized. Heely boy was almost in a fit of tears at this point. It might not have been what the teen said it was, but he was not taking any chances. He stripped the shirt off, Tossing it to the other. 

“It’s a chili stain. Thanks for my shirt tho.” He wiped the tears from his eyes, his laughter dying down. Mateo turned pink in anger, and also embarrassment once remembering he was shirtless. 

“Mark.” He put his hand forward, bracelets hung on his wrists, all looking handmade. Teo jokingly, but also because he was a bit annoyed, declined his handshake. He snatched the shirt back, quickly pulling it over his head. 

There was silence for a moment. “But seriously man, why do you have my shirt?” Mateo mumbled a ‘huh’, still thinking the boy was messing with him. “Oh, uh, you’re serious?” He scratched his head. “Yeah man, i’ve had it since the 6th grade.” He smiled, laughing nervously. It hit Mateo all at once, He must be Thomas’ brother, right? “I think i had dinner with your family last night, and i spilled stew all over me and Thomas gave me this to wear-“ The other boy cut him off. “Woah, woah, woah, my brother did? He’s such an ass.” He folded his arms over his chest, trumpet tucked underneath his arm. “He tried to sell me weed.” Teo added. “Of course he did. By the way, don’t take it, I watched him crush a viagra and he pour it into his stash.”

He didn’t know if he was serious or not. “So what, he wanted to give me a boner for…” He paused. “Embarrassment?” “To annoy me?” He gasped. “To…” Mark placed his hand on his aquatint’s shoulder, laughing as the boy went through the five stages of grief all at once. “Ok it may not have been a viagra, BUT, how boring is it to put anything else in it?” He remarked. “I don’t know man, maybe he needed an asprin and weed at the same.” He joked, returning picking at his skin subconsciously. 

The boy pushed his glasses up, and looked over to their band director distracted. “Want to see uniforms, T ?” He grinned.

They walked past the many awards and metals, walking through double doors. It seemed to be a locker-type room. “Look, this one will probably be yours.” He held up the tiny uniform, half the size of both of them. Mateo Punched his shoulder lightly. “I’ll be six foot before you know it.” He bickered, looking through all of the marching band jackets. “Ooo!” Teo reached up to the top shelf. He pulled off a hat, A big feather sticking straight up. He strapped it on his head very haphazardly, marching around with a dramatic serious face. “We don’t make that face!” Mark slapped the hat off his head, laughing with him. 

After they had their fun goofing, The boys actually ended up going over notes and music that afternoon. Practice came to an end, and they said their goodbyes. The teenager’s mom stress talked in Spanish over the phone with him, he had forgotten to tell her he was going to stay after and he couldn’t make the bus. She made a big fuss out of having to leave work, but, she didn’t stay mad long, and the two ate happily that evening.

Mateo was going to show up to practice much more now. 

Chapter Text

Months came and went. The last day of school before Winter break let out was the Friday of the current week.

Mark had taken Mateo as a friend, the teenager’s first genuine friend. He didn’t care about his face, he didn’t care about his nose, he didn’t care about his messy curly hair. He didn’t mind, and Teo didn’t even think that was possible for someone to feel that way about him. 

They attended practice every Thursday after school, actually practicing at practice most Thursdays. Fitting were scheduled for the groups uniforms, and just as expected, the boys looked very goofy in their button up coats and feather hats. Mateo learned to tie up his hair, as he had to. He felt exposed with his face so clearly visible. The gigantic hat and Mark’s laughter eased his anxiety, though. 

“Dear Void,

I had my first game today. I felt like throwing up. My hands get clammy and my throat tightens just thinking about it. I did play. Hearing the trumpet emitting sound next to me kept me on track with my tempo. I was almost certain I would royally fuck up. I’ve been digging my nails into my skin whenever mom talks about God. It gets me so angry. The sting on my skin distracts. She wants me to go to church with her this weekend. I don’t want to tell her that praying to something that doesn’t exist isn’t something i’d like to do. Really, if god were real he’d make me normal. but he didn’t. No matter how much i put my palms together and asked, he didn’t answer. So, I stopped doing it. Nothing, do you believe in God? 

Goodbye, Void

- Teo”

Halloween was enjoyable. Mateo went as a sheet ghost. Boring, but an easy costume. Mark wore Thomas’ old pirate costume, his mom reassuring him it was just as good as any new one. That woman could convince you into anything, but she was so incredibly sweet. Yet, when she had to be stern, she was.

Her husband invited them to Thanksgiving when they ran into each other at the grocery store. He had bags of rice in his basket. Mateo wondered what meal they’d be cooking. Valerie excepted his offer. Just like that, they were attending Thanksgiving with the Fischbach’s.

Mateo’s mother brought smoked ham and green beans to their shared Thanksgiving. Mateo made the decision to not sit next to Thomas at the table this time. The older boy still glared at him from across the table nonetheless. The dish Sunok had prepared was delicious, just as Teo hoped it would be. He actually loved her food, It made him happy. Mark had convinced his mom to let Mateo stay the night. They were on break from school anyways, so both of the women agreed. The boy’s played video games, eating leftover Halloween candy they definitely shouldn’t have ate. 

Finals approached as December began and Thanksgiving break was over. Mateo was happy for the cold weather. Snow days gave him days off of school that he appreciated. The boy barely skimped by in his test scores, which he thought would be much worse, so that was a plus for him. His mom didn’t badger him for it. That weekend Mark and Mateo went sledding, only for it to be trashed by Thomas throwing snowballs. The teens planned to sled again another day. 

It is now the week before Winter break. Work for students were over, and teacher’s played movies in class, or gave free time. Mateo used his free time to go see Mr. Perkman. They talked and laughed about many things, not just music. He learned that Mr. P had a daughter, she is five. 

“You remind me of her, always asking questions.” The man commented. Teo’s eyebrow rose. “You have her hair too.” He teased. chuckling. “Hey!” Mateo crossed his arms. “At least i have hair…” the boy muttered, Mr. P brought his hand to his chest, a loud theatrical gasp came from his lungs. “How dare you!” He teased, rubbing his bald head, fake crying. Mateo laughed. 

“But seriously, Matt, you have the same wit. strong.” He took a sip out of his mug.

Did he? The teen questioned.

Mark and Mateo biked to his mom’s work after school. Thomas’ bike was grubby, but, beggars can’t be choosers. 

The boy popped his head in the door frame. The salon’s many ceiling fans blowing his hair back. Teo chuckled slightly as his friend reached back to pinch his arm. Mateo’s mom was also there, getting a fill on her acrylic nails. Sunok and Valerie quit their conversation, and directed their attention to the door. 

“Mom, can we have a sleepover with Tyler?” he gestured to Mateo on the ‘we’. Matteo’s stomach churned. The boys had discussed a sleepover over winter break. even mentioning Tyler, which Teo learned was the boy with the poofy curly hair Mark had been laughing with in the band room that day. His mom spoke Korean under her breath. Mark kicked Matteo’s leg. The boy clasped his hands together and poked out his bottom lip, getting Matteo to do it with him. The mom’s rolled their eyes almost synchronized at the puppy dog eyes. “Alright.” Sunok agreed. Valerie nodded her head.

Mateo was excited, but he couldn’t ignore the dread he felt. As well as the soothing stinging from his jaggedly bitten fingernail digging into his palm.

Durning lunch Mark desperately wanted Mateo to meet Tyler. He mentioned something about the boy having no practice for once. He took his hand, Teo mentally melted into the warmth it brought him. Until he realized he was pulling him to the field. To the locker rooms. His heart did a flip, not necessarily about Tyler. Within the few days that their parents agreed Mateo had eased his nerves by reminding himself that this guy couldn’t be that awful. 

It was the men’s locker room that made him want to vomit.

Somehow, the teen had avoided using the locker room, at least when someone else was in it with him. How he changed in the bathrooms undetected by his P.E. coach was a mystery to him. Mark pushed the door open, weaving around people left and right. Mateo gripped on his backpack desperately, heat rising to his face. Teo slammed into Mark, as they suddenly stopped. His pro-tracter got him right in the stomach. That’s sure to leave a bruise. He wheezed in pain, peeking over his friend’s shoulder.

”I’ve got to shower first, feel so grubby-“ The boy notices him, pointing. “You’re Mateo right?” He offered his mud and grass stained hand before taking it back embarrassed. Mark grabbed Teo’s shoulders. “it’s T alright!” His face got even hotter. He looked down at his scuffed Converse.

“You like nachos?” Tyler asked, grin on his face.

The boy’s walked across the street out of school, and hit a local diner, ‘Betty’s’. Mateo was right. Tyler was easy going, and assured him he could laugh at his towel wrapped hair all he wanted. They gave a proper handshake after he had rinsed off. 

They ordered a large platter of nachos, jalapeños, cheese, salsa, the works. And man, could that boy eat. Tyler ate about half the plate before Mateo could even finish his drink. Mark looked at the boys face, with an expression that was explanatory on it’s own. Mateo hadn’t been off campus for lunch before, but Tyler had a pass. He could see why Mark hung out with him. He joked. The boys were obviously friends because they enjoyed each other’s presence, but, the nachos were just a plus. Teo learned they had been friends since third or fourth grade— though there had been a dispute between them about that date being correct. They bantered until it was time to return to class.

Mateo had two friends now. how was that possible?

He could barely even fathom that two people cared for him- well besides his mom. He didn’t feel the need to write to Void that week.

The sleepover would be held at Mark’s house, as he had the largest. Also the best video games. “Bye mom, Love you” He shut the car door behind him as him mom waved goodbye. The only thing that Mateo had under his arm was a pillow, and a Caprisun he had been sipping on the way here. Tyler opened the door greeting him. He pulled Mateo into a hug, which took him a bit by suprise, but he hugged back nonetheless. 

“He’s setting up the wii c’mon” Tyler motioned up the stairs. “Hi Mrs. Fishbach” Teo greeted her before he was pulled up the stairs. “Oh hi sweet-“ She turned around to see him gone. Her and her husband shared a laugh.

”Not so fast.” Thomas almost towered over the boys evilly. “Get out of the way jackass-“ Tyler shoved past him, but, he grabbed the collar of Mateo’s shirt. He gagged, and swatted. “What do you want?” Teo stood with a frown. The older boy freezed. “uhhhh…” He grabbed his pillow, chucking it on a platform above the stairs nobody could reach. “what was that for??!” Thomas said nothing, and ran to his room. Maybe his weed really was ‘laced’ with viagra. Would explain why he was so pissy.

Eventually, the boys were up in Mark’s room. Tyler was engrossed in some sort of sports game. “So, what girls do you like? i like-“ Mateo tried not to show the negative emotion in his expression. He couldn’t pin point why he felt like throwing up again. “Hey man, you don’t look so good..” A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. Mark turned the fan to face them, fanning Mateo with his hands. “You could have told me if you were hot, T.” The boy chuckled. silence fell over them, and all that could be heard was the sound effects from the game.“It’s okay if you don’t like anyone, you know.” Mateo felt the wet hot tear hit his cheek, and he didn’t even try to hide it. “What is wrong with me…” he whispered through tears. “Nothing.” Mark whispered even quieter, rubbing circles on his back.

Once Tyler finished the level, the boys watched a movie, sneaking a few sodas from the garage that his dad forbid after midnight. Mateo did end up throwing up that night, but before he even had any food. He wasn’t paying attention to the cheesy scary movie on the tv, just the stars out of the window. They made him feel happy, yet so sleepy. He decided to sit out on the roof after the other guys had crashed. He laughed at them piled on top of each other drooling before he pulled the window open. He felt weary about setting foot onto the roof, but after inspection it was solid and not slanted. He just let the night soak in, closing his eyes. He began to weep. 

Deep down he knew why, he just didn’t want to admit it was true. Because it wasn’t. He stood firm, wiping his eyes and returning back inside. Mark overheard confused, He wondered what was going on in Mateo’s head, but he brought him comfort to his best ability. He didn’t notice his friend was awake, and returned to his sleeping bag with a small huff. Mark frowned watching him toss and turn. He scoffed softly at Ty crushing his ribcage with his weight and drool pooling on his PJ’s. 

That night Mark scooted his sleeping bag a bit closer to Mateo’s.

Teo woke up to tyler throwing a dusty pillow in his face. “Got your pillow bro.” He added a thumbs up, then turned away. “My hero.” He wiped the dust of off his face, and rubbed it out of his eyes. He sat up and saw a few soda cans about, and a bowl of popcorn spilled over.

Christmas came and went in a blur. Mateo tried not to think too much at all or he knows he’d cry on the spot. He got new bedsheets from his mom, As well as a plush bear he loved but would not be caught dead with. The first thing he said after unwrapping was that he was “Too old for toys.” Valerie rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you’ll be hugging him to sleep tonight.” She teased, wagging her finger. The boys shared the gifts they received a few days later.

They decided to sled that day as well.

”Um hello? hellooooo” Mark whined, flicking Thomas’ forehead with his finger. His brother was sitting on his hat. He made a fart noise with his mouth before throwing the beanie at his face. “twerp.” His older brother teased as he returned outside. The boys were waiting there with the sleds, chatting. Ty ran over to him, saying something along the lines of ‘what took you so long?! “You’re so warm!” he exclaimed. Tyler clung to him, chattering his teeth for dramatics. 

“That’s because Thomas farted on me.” Tyler pulled away making a ‘bleh’ sound. Mateo started laughing so hard tears brimmed in his eyes and he slipped on the ice. 

Mark stopped teasing his friend and went over to help him up. They lugged the sleds to the big hill the next block over, sledding and throwing snowballs until sunset. 

Over the rest of the break Mark worked on a friendship bracelet. woven string in an intricate pattern. He had made many before, taking on the hobby that one year he attended summer camp. He worked on it whenever he got the chance, this once was much harder than the others he had made. it was an image, a clarinet. His dad begrudgingly used a sheet of printer paper to print out an image for the boy to follow along to. He ended up giving Thomas a sheet of blank printer paper because he complained. 

He had made a smiple pattern for him and Tyler years ago, they still wore it. He wanted to make one for Mateo. He might ask Tyler to work on that with him. He started on the clarinet for learning purposes, and also a bit of boredom. Since it was so complicated, he decided to give the bracelet to Teo after school started back up. He didn’t want to rush because there was no need to, so he took his time to complete it. His mom shushed Thomas whenever a rude remark came out of his mouth about his craft project. Secretly, Thomas thought it was maybe cool… or whatever. 

Sunok pulled her son from his room to watch the ball drop. He was so so close to finishing the bracelet. He smiled anyways, it could wait for just a moment. 

Valerie let Mateo stay up late to watch the ball drop as well. She always had. 

5! 4! 3! 2! 1! 

“Happy new year!” The news reporter on the TV yelled. 

She leaned down to Mateo, placing a kiss on his cheek. “get some rest mijo.” She ran her hands through his curls. The boy yawned, sleepily bidding her goodnight and I-Love-Yous.

At The Fischbach’s, Thomas argued with his parents to stay up later, and got cursed out in korean. by both mom and dad. Mark let out a low ‘Oooo’. Mark followed after him after he was sent up to his room. “Dude he is pissed…” Mark laughed, but he did feel a bit bad. He threw a plastic party blower at his brother’s forehead. “i’m sorry!” He yelled out in pity as Thomas disappeared into his room. He was the one that ended up staying up late that night, finishing off the woven image of a clarinet with the moonlight, and occasional firework.

Happy new Year! 2003  the party blower abandoned on the staircase read.

Chapter Text

Returning to school from winter break hit hard. So hard that Mateo hadn’t even been writing to nothing. He didn’t understand; He had a good life, why had it never felt worth living? He had a loving mother, friends, yet there was always something underlying. A feeling, that if anybody experienced they sure did not speak about it. The teenager knew feeling so utterly numb but at the same time so devastatingly sad was not “normal” in most people’s standards. 

For now, He had to pretend none of that mattered. School was in half an hour. Val had said nothing as she noticed her son sneaking a small mug of coffee in his coat, she was saddened he must’ve felt like he needed it as his young age. 

“I know you’re tired, I wouldn’t have told you no to coffee.” The car doors clicked shut and the sound of the engine revving to like sounded muddled in Teo’s ears. “I thought i wasn’t allowed caffeine…” He mumbled a bit rude and disrespectfully. “You were a kid!” His mom clapped back. 

silence…

“Am I not a kid anymore?” The boy’s voice was quiet and slow.

“Mijo I didn’t mean it like that-“ Her brows knitted together leaving a sympathetic look on her face. She twisted to the back seat. “You’re growing up, that’s all.” She offered a smile. Mateo gave a weak smile back as she pulled out of the driveway. 

“Hey!! Missed you...” Mark greeted him at the school’s front gate. “what’s with the glum face?” His arm went to the other boys back almost immediately. “I’m tired” Teo croaked, smiling. He brought the mug to his lips. “I can see that.” Mark laughed. “You want to catch breakfast? there’s something decent.” They boys began to walk. Mark rummaged in his pocket, jerking the other boy to the side with his elbow. “What the hell are you looking for.” Teo hissed as he nearly dodged a drop of hot coffee heading straight for his palm. 

“this.” Mark held up a crocheted bracelet. Mateo began to smile and accept it, but Thomas snaked up into their business. 

“What is that? some gay shit you made” The older boy insulted, a sly look on his face. “Get out!” Mark began to shove his brother in their bickering. He shooed him away eventually. Mateo looked at the unground coffee bean floating in his cup. “I’m sorry he’s such a butthole… I made this for you over break!” He panted, placing the bracelet in Mateo’s free hand. He examined it, A pixel-ized image of a clarinet. The base color was a blue, navy. A small charm dangled off the back, in the shape of a ‘T’. Teo turned it a bit, light refracting off of the silver. “Is the charm too much?… I found it in my mom’s beads, thought it would look nice. Sorry if its gay-

Teo grimaced at the repetition of Thomas’ insult. Without another word he slipped it on his wrist, effectively silencing Mark’s rant. He pulled the string, tightening it a bit more than he should have. 

“It is nice, Thank you.” The boys joined in a quick hug. “Im happy you like it, i’ve been knitting it for weeks haha..” Mark rubbed the back of his neck. “You have?” Teo perked up, his face heating up. He was blushing lightly, and if his best friend noticed it he did not comment. “Yes.. All of the guys have one, theirs are quite plain but i made a more complicated design for yours.” Mateo found himself already picking and rubbing his fingers over his new bracelet, like he previously had been doing to his own skin. Mark held up his wrist, twisting the chevron patterned piece of jewelry around. The fabric was worn and frayed, most likely never leaving his arm from when he first put it on. “Tyler can make you one like mine too! he’s better at them than me…” He held his head low. “There is no way he is better than you man! this looks amazing.” Teo complimented, grinning wide. He rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish look on his face. “I dunno… You’d have to see his, he can finish one in a single class period if its boring enough.” Mateo sighed. “Yeah but those are smiple ones! it doesn’t count.” He frowned, yet smiled all at once. “Thank you T.” He finally accepted the compliment. Nodding his head towards the school’s cafe. Teo followed suit after him.

“Do you have the assignment for Mrs. Diego done yet?” Wade asked, his mouth full and velveeta cheese threatening to spill out of his lips.

Wade Barnes, Definitely the character. Mateo had been introduced to him shortly after their sleepover over break. He sported hair similar to Ty’s, with big square glasses that looked ancient. the style of them looked to be from at least a decade or two ago.

Mateo and wade both had the unfortunate predicament of after school spanish. Teo had joined to make his mother happy, wades parents had told him to take it. and there is not much wiggle room with them. “Why do you guys stress about that? its not even required.” Tyler grabbed a chip from the nacho bowl, scooping cheese and a jalapeño with it. he rolled his eyes. “To my parents it might as well determine weather I live or die.” He crunched down on a chip. They were at betty’s, it was almost their spot and their spot alone at this point. The diner was always dead.

Mateo rummaged in his bag, Tyler and wade still bickering in the booth. “Here, I don’t have last weeks but-“ He grabbed the paper, quickly jotting down translations. “I hate this…” he murmured, sliding the assignment back to mateo across the table. “Hey don’t worry about it, if this idiot can get into college i'm sure you’ll be an honors student and graduate with flying colors.” Mark motioned to Tyler. The curly haired boy pinched his friend’s arm, letting out a ‘hey!’ in protest. 

“I’m not that dumb!” The table laughed lightly. “Oh Mateo, Finished this for you. Stuck with us forever now huh?” Tyler brought out a smiple chevron patterned bracelet, slipping it on the other boy’s wrist. He punched his shower lightly in fun. Teo tightened it, taking note of shades of orange and green Tyler chose when weaving it. 

“Nice bling.” Mr. P commented as Mateo strolled into the familiar band room. “Har. Har.” Teo teased back. “You make them yourself? Or maybe a girlfriend?” Parkman sipped his cup, a hearty laugh following soon after. “My friends at practice did-“ Teo rolled his eyes, his mouth watering and acid bale threatening to come up from his stomach. “You alright Matty?” The Teacher’s brows creased, noticing the now green hue flush to his students cheeks. “Don’t call me that.” He spat, swallowing vomit back down; his features twisted in disgust. “I’m sorry bud…take it easy, yeah?” He rubbed the boy’s shoulder. Teo stared at his shoes before moving to his unassigned seat, counting each grommet that held his shoelaces in place. 

Marching band was not in season, but a select few members still gathered with Mr. P on Wednesday’s after 7th period, either for practice or plain fun. 

They gathered together in the auditorium now, but other than that not much had changed from the beginning of freshman year. Tyler and Mark were playing something horribly out of tune, most likely for the sole purpose to piss off their Conductor. The man was used to it after twenty years of dealing with Ty and M’s twins, and tuned them out marvelously. Mateo whipped his head to the side, someone entering through the double doors. “Hey guys!” Wade ran down past all the rows of seats, flagging his friends down that were sat on the stage. “Come on! look what I got my hands on.” The teen pulled a copy of new ‘Tron’ game from the front pocket of his backpack. The boys began gathering their things. 

“Hey! Don’t forget boys, practice your sheet music, graduation march is in just a couple months!” Mr. Parkman shouted as they pushed the double doors in the back open. The three boys groaned in sighed in response. The man was always so early on things that could wait. There were more important things to tend to, like beating Tyler’s ass at this video game. 

They biked all the way home, Mateo catching a ride of the back of Wade’s bike despite his bickering that the boy was “sooo heavy” He fanned his arm over his forehead dramatically. “You should sign up for the play.” Mark teased as they rode off, the others let out a laugh. 

Mateo had no reason to write to Void, life was going okay. He couldn’t describe it, he felt almost as if he had an obligation, to talk to it. So, He got out a ballpoint pen, and began jotting down his brain sewage on the lined piece of paper. 

“Dear Void, 

It’s Mateo. Miss me? I feel alright. Mom hasn’t been nagging me as much and, I don’t presume i’ve told you about Wade. He is hilarious, makes me forget everything for just a moment. Seriously, am I ever going to know what is wrong with me? There is no way im asking mom… she’ll just baptize me and pray it away. Now that im more social the nausea is back. Its been years since i’ve thrown up in my mouth, definitely do not miss it. Happened just a few weeks ago in the band room, whenever my throat has decided to betray me since then i’ve been able to get a handle on it. God i just had the worst thought ever, I have got to burn these so nobody finds them… Its not like you, the black hole will receive them through the mail or something. anyways. my mom is so much more quiet, to my knowledge she hasn’t been to church since January… it is now March. I’m happy she isn’t rubbing jesus in my face anymore but it’s not like her. I thik i’ve heard her small sobs from across the hall but im hoping its a trick of my mind. If god makes her happy i’ll sit there for hours and hours while she reads bible verses to me, despite how much I hate it. She is still wearing her roseary. Which is good. I might try and ask if we can have dinner with the Fischbachs again, She might appreciate a friend. I don’t know how to comfort her best, especially not knowing a single thing about what is wrong. Class is mundane. Maths is just as much mundane, but it just stresses me out. Alot if things do. I’ve been able to keep myself out of my “moods” as my mom always called them. Where I hate the world and everything else in it for a period of time. I can tell that feeling is lurking in the back of my mind, though i haven’t spiraled yet. Come to think if it most times i have wrote to you has been when i’m in a mood. And no, this is not teenage angst, though some may be added… I’ve been having these episodes since I was a toddler. My earliest memories are mom praying over my crib I had certainly grown out of by then. I don’t think she was just praying for me, Mostly for my excuse of a father. She always cared about him too much than she should. Its not like he ever cared for her even a fraction she did for him. Hell, maybe she still does. She doesn’t bring him uo much anymore, but there is a strange attachment she has to him, like she can’t let go. I say fuck him. But, Whatever is going on in her head its not that simple for her.  

Goodbye Void,

-Teo”

Anxiety settles deep in the teen’s stomach, like a bird building a nest, no desire in leaving in the slightest. Mateo was on the field, It had been a while since. He held his instrument to his lips, his hands trembling. This was the first practice for the senior’s send off on graduation day. There happened to be a decent amount of parents in the stands, Parkman had never allowed parents to rehearsal as most of it was not worth watching. Their band director decided it was a ‘good idea’ to dress up in uniform, and invite parents if they wished to come. Mark glanced down the line, taking note of T’s shaking frame. ’the poor guy’ he thought, a frown forming on his lips. He looked up to the stands, Val and his mom waving as they saw him look over. He smiled, glancing around more. Most of the senior’s parents ; that were apart of the team, showed up. 

The seniors adorned the “fancy” golden feathered hats that Mr. P had always demanded they go no where near. He wondered what it would be like when it was their turn to wear them. Mark glanced again, Mateo still shaking like a leaf, until Mr. Parkman gestured for them to start playing. 

Mateo found himself missing practice in the auditorium very much. 

Thankfully, Mr. P had shooed parents away after the first practice, and had let the group change out of band uniforms for rehearsals then on. The only person in the stands now was Wade, often yelling remarks, but the boys knew he had no ill intentions. Even if the wordless teasing made Teo feel nauseous all considered. Along with the parents, a lot of the seniors stopped showing up as well, and if they did it was sparse. Tyler had whispered they were “probably getting drunk right now” A few Wednesday’s ago, and that made an awful lot of sense. Either way, Mr. Parkman had not been complaining about their absence so it was a win-win for them. His bickering was awfully annoying. 

After they had wrapped up, Mr. P had pulled Mateo to the side. Mark’s brows furrowed, and Teo motioned for him to go with the other guys. He waved goodbye, and turned back to Tyler and Wade. 

“Are you alright Mat?” Parkman asked once they were in somewhat private. Mateo ground his palm against the brick wall behind him in secret, He knew Mr. P would not be happy if he saw him fidgeting- or whatever he was doing. He saw the looks his teacher shot him during practices, while he swayed slightly trying not to shake that much. Teo inferred that’s what this was about, but the man’s question caught him off gaurd, he was not expecting him to word it like that… “What?” He bteathed out. “Are you okay, Mateo? I am worried about you.” the teenager’s widened at the use of his full name, but stayed silent. 

“If it’s too much, You don’t have to perform in May.” He finally spits out, The saddest look on his face that Teo has ever seen him have. 

“No, No, I’ll be okay!” He waves his hands. Parkman leans down to the boy’s level. “If you need someone to talk to Matt, my door is always open.” He rubs his shoulder, not sure a hug is appropriate. His student didn’t have that question cross his mind, and clinged to the adult’s sides like he would disappear. A small muffled sob chokes out of his mouth as his director feels his jacket getting wet. “Its okay buddy, its all going to be okay.” Another sob rang out. Parkman frowned, rubbing the boy’s back as he calmed down. “I want to help. but you have to tell me whats going on.” They pull out of their embrace, Mr. P’s words gentle and not above a whisper. 

“I’m worried about my mom… and what’s wrong with me.” The boy stares at his worn in converse, boring holes into them. “Hey, there is nothing wrong with you kid.” He reassures him, pausing. “What’s up with your mom?” He sucks in a breath, silently hoping he doesn’t have to report something to a higher up. 

“She’s tired, and so am I.”

He sighed, tugging at the roots of his hair. “It’s okay to be tired kid, let me know if you ever need a breather.” Parkman paused, his mouth ajar, contemplating what to say. “Go home, Get some rest Mat.” Be brushed over his cheek, patting his back once more. ‘one special kid’ Mr. P thought to himself, making his way to his SUV in the parking lot. Mateo watched, sliding down the wall to await his mom’s arrival. 

It was clear to Mark, Tyler, and almost everyone who knew Mr. Parkman that he cared for Mateo, much more than his band director. He was the boy’s father figure and neither of them seemed to realize… apparently.

Parkman brought his daughter in one day in class, it was her sixth birthday. Mateo even had to admit that their hair looked alike, but he would never tell that to Mr. P. She had blonde curls down to her shoulders, the color the only differing feature from the teen’s. Her being there distracted their coach, so the class was happy to slack. Ava, had attempted to play all of the instruments during the class period. The high schoolers cooed as she smiled brightly, a gap where her two front teeth have yet to come in. A group of girls where now in the corner ‘doing her makeup’ really, they were just giggling for whatever reason. Teo didn’t understand girls. at all. She had hugged the boy’s legs as the bell dinged, shouting a squeaky ‘bye!!” will all the might her small lungs could take. He crouched down, wrapping his arms around her frame. “Happy birthday!” He smiled. The upperclassman girls cooed once more, blowing kisses at the small girl. She waved goodbye. 

Mateo’s smiled faded as he exited the building, It was 7th period hell for today. There was no marching practice. 

April had rolled around, And spring break was here. Wade passed around flyers to all of the kids in practice, who most likely did not give a shit. He used his “fancy” voice to recite his invitations to everyone. The other three boys snickered as he returned to the bleachers. “we’re going to be the only people there.” Tyler joked, yet it was sadly a bit true. “Hey! we are great company!” Mark slung his arms around the boys at his sides. Mateo’s neck burned hot, if Mark noticed he said nothing. “sureeee” Ty dragged out, pinching Mark’s arm. Mateo laughed and watched as they got into a miniature slap fight. 

“BOYS!” Mr. Parkman boomed with his megaphone, and the three immediately stood to attention. 

“Man, Your- Mom- Spl-urged” Tyler commented, his mouth full of chocolate cake causing him to be a bit unintelligible. “Anything for the three worst moochers in history.” Wade leaned back in the lawn chair, his plastic birthday hat lost in his large fluffy hair. “Have another slice, fellow moocher.” Mark handed the knife over to Mateo. He laughed nervously, watching the metal gleam and shine in the sun. He gripped the handle tight, heading over to the party table where more than half of the cake had already been demolished. Teo focused on his steady breathing, and not the sharp blade of the knife. he abandoned it at the plastic table once he had gotten another chunk of cake, shaking lightly. It scared him what he had been thinking about, he felt he couldn’t trust himself at all. 

Mark padded his back as he returned. scooting his chair closer in the grass to his friend’s seat.

”Where is my hat?!” Mateo panicked. It was show time. Graduation day for seniors, and another nerve wracking performance for poor Mateo Verleece. “Right here.” He placed the strap under Teo’s chin. He never knew how mark was so calm during performance. His face solemn, but a kind smile appeared when needed. He could almost see the gears turning in his head. 

“In. Out.” He placed his hands on his shoulders. The other boy did as the shorter instructed, Breathing in and out slow breaths. “Come on squidward.” He trudged his jacket on, and pulled Mateo with him. He slapped his arm at the comment. Mark laughed silently to himself, knowing Mateo wasn’t actually offended. Parkman gave them a small pep talk that was entirely mumbled to Teo, His mind focusing on the number of buttons on his uniform rather than any sound occurring around him.

They performed well. A proper send off. It was mostly due to Mark rubbing shapes and smiley faces on the small of Mateo’s back. 

“Come on man! Relax! it’s summer, and the sun is out for once.” Tyler splashed water onto Teo. School had let out a week earlier, his first year was over. Somehow he had been roped in to swim with his idiot friends. It wasn’t an activity he particularly liked to partake in. He shriveled in on himself as much as physically possible, pushing his wet hair to one side of his face. The splotch was more visible when his hair wasn’t so fluffy. 

Mark paddled over. “Hey, you alright?” He whispered. “I’m ok.” nausea once again. He felt bile pile up in the back of his throat just as often as he needed to pee. It was strange. Sometimes, the feeling felt world ending, where he wanted to scream out in agony. Other times, he would describe it as almost “pleasant” That was the only word the teenager could think up. Which sounds insane, considering the latter. 

The public pool was surprisingly sparse with people, considering it was a sunny day in June. Speaking of June, Mark’s birthday was at the tail end of the month, a birthday party had been brought up amongst the boys. He let everyone know not to get their hopes up, as he had family traveling to see him to celebrate. “Mom’s making me take my permit test this weekend, I kinda want to though.” Mark floated on his back, his words to no one in particular. “Really? Looks like your the driver for all the sick parties we’re going to attend!” Wade puffed his chest out, obnoxiously flexing his non-existent pec muscle. Tyler bumped him out of the way, flexing his actually large pec muscle, copying the goofy look he had on his face too. “I do not look like that!” Wade pointed at his ridiculous face. “Hm. Well thats what I saw.” Tyler shrugged, pushing the other boys head with his palm. he stuck his tongue out.

Mateo now stared at Ty. Sports really did pay off. 

“Come on, let’s go home.” Teo directed his attention to the orange of the sunset. The boys exited the pool, drying off. 

“Crashing at mine, T?” Mark smirked. shaking his hair around like a dog. 

“You know I am.” He rolled his eyes.