Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

WIRES ♪

Thua squeezed his arms tightly against his chest, trying to find in it even the smallest feeling of comfort. His irregular breathing got heavier while hot tears kept streaming down his face. The music that came from his headphones attempted in every way to soothe him, to calm his beats and mostly, his mind; but failed. It kept failing. Every. Damn. Time. The worn-out Nirvana shirt he was wearing was already drenched in tears and his back was starting to hurt due to the position he was in. Shoulders against the wall and legs bent. Why?

He didn't even know how many times he found himself in such a state that week. And every single time it was the same. He would see everything foggy and had no control over his breathing whatsoever. They were devouring him. Negative thoughts were really eating him up, locking him – with no hint of escape. It didn’t even take that much. A fight with his stepfather, a bad day, or even too much amount of work, to drive him in that state. To form that series of gears, thoughts, inside his little, stupid, head, that would destroy him.

He often wondered why. Why was he so weak? Why couldn't he make any friends? Why did his one and only friend ditch him, leave him, and ignore him? Why did his father pass away and why did his mother remarry? Why his step-dad hated him so much and, why. Why. Why did he have to send him to that school? That fucking horrendous, awful, insane school.Why was everything so difficult? Why?

Thua brought his left hand to his face and wiped some tears from his eyes – squeezing them several times to get through the blurred vision. Still. It wasn’t working. It wasn't working at all. His hand kept on trembling and he saw everything fuzzy. His desk, which was right in front of him, almost seemed to be moving on its own. From left to right, irregularly. Randomly. 

All of a sudden, he felt a strong pain in his chest. Not again, that's the only thing he managed to think before.. His heart started throbbing, drops of sweat reached down from his neck, the familiar, sense of nausea, coming back. That regular feeling of fear, on the other hand, seemed to have no intention of leaving him alone. As he kept shaking, he took his right hand close to his heart and attempted to calm himself down. It usually worked. All he could hear were irregular heartbeats and breath gasps. 

Fuck. He hated himself. He really despised his own miserable, annoying self. It was hard. Finding something, whatever reason to. To, just, keep living. Keep walking. Thua squeezed his hands around the fabric of the shirt and with a tough motion pulled firmly. The pain didn’t seem to want to go away anytime sooner. His thoughts were confused. His mind blank.

Sometimes. No, that’s a lie. Every day, he would have these thoughts. He would think about what his life had become. His miserable, unhappy life. He would think about all the things he endured, and how. How they were too much. How he wanted them to stop. How. It was time to give up everything. To simply. Run away. He closed his eyes for a moment, and once again Kan’s image appeared. 

He missed him.

Missed their moments together. Spending whole days talking, playing games, or simply having fun. 

Kan had a gift. He could make Thua free his mind from everything every time they were together. He so missed having a friend, someone to have fun with. Someone with who he could talk and share his secrets, his thoughts, his problems... Yet Kan had been much more than that. Kan. He was all Thua could ever want in a relationship. With him, he always had peace of mind, a sense of protection he never felt.

It had been years since he started ignoring him, yet Thua couldn’t stop thinking about the guy. Stop thinking about… the reason. The reason for his sudden action. 

What exactly did Thua to him? 

But, again. It was Thua we were talking about, the question should rather be. Why did he remain his friend till that moment?

It must have been hard to resist. Because at the end, being his friend meant being a loser, being labeled, and who could ever want that? He didn’t blame Kan for doing what he did. It was all his fault. He was the one to blame.

Thua grabbed the airpod that fell on the floor and putted it back in. He could hear the melody of the song again. The Neighborhood: Wires. As the song went on Thua began to finally calm down. His body getting more relaxed. When he started to see more clearly he quicky tried to get up, pressing both his hands on the floor and walking to his mid-sized bed.

Head bursting.

He dropped dead on the mattress and looked straight at the ceiling. Empty. He felt empty.

Eyes closing. 

“I’m not ready to go back to school,” He considered hopelessly. Sitting alone with everyone looking at him and judging him. People talking behind his back and, of course, the persistent, daily, usual homophobic comments. He was tired, so tired. It wasn’t even his choice to come out, so why did he have to suffer the consequences? He had no friends and his classmates didn’t talk to him either.

Theoretically, they did, but it was always for school stuff. Just because he was the head of the class. Not like that was his choice either..

The teen rubbed his temples with his fingers, massaging them slowly with circular movements, and tried to encourage himself to recover. And even if he couldn’t, he would still have to continue his homework.

Because, he had to go back to that place. 

Chapter Text

IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?♪

“Kan!”

Wat’s voice boomed through the quiet classroom, jarring Kan out of his sleepy stupor. A rough shake followed, insistent and relentless as Wat tried to get his attention. Kan barely flinched. It was seven in the goddamn morning. Why was he shouting like they were on a football field? There were only the two of them here—Akk and the others were doing their usual morning patrol, their prefect duties taking precedence as always.

Kan groaned and finally turned, shaking Wat’s grip off his shoulders with exaggerated annoyance. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and shot his friend a scowl. “What the hell, Wat? What do you want?”

Wat tilted his head, raising his eyebrows in mock innocence. “Do you know what happened to Ai Thua?”

The words stopped Kan cold.

Thua?

Of all the things he expected Wat to bring up, that name wasn’t one of them. For once, Wat’s voice didn’t carry its usual teasing lilt or snarky humor. There was no smirk, no knowing wink that typically followed his off-handed remarks about Kan’s supposedly “crush.” Just genuine curiosity.

Kan blinked, trying to process, his irritation quickly morphing into something sharper—defensiveness. He scoffed and turned away again, waving Wat off. “How the hell would I know? I don’t talk to him.”

Wat gave him a lingering look, unimpressed by his theatrics. “Relax, man. I was just asking. He’s supposed to pick up our English homework today. Weird, though—he’s usually the first one here. Always punctual, that guy.” He paused to sip from a small can of espresso, his words lazy and nonchalant. “Don’t you think it’s strange?”

Kan didn’t answer. He couldn’t.

Instead, his gaze shifted—almost involuntarily—to Thua’s desk. Empty. The same desk Thua always sat at, closest to the window, where he’d dutifully sort through everyone’s assignments and notes like some infallible machine. Kan’s eyes flicked to the clock above the door. 7:03 AM.

Late.

That word rattled in his head. Thua was never late. He was meticulous, obsessive even—someone who held onto routines like lifelines. He always arrived first, alone in the classroom’s eerie early-morning silence, setting up the day’s materials while Kan… well, Kan did everything in his power to avoid him.

Kan clenched his jaw, pushing down the unwelcome concern bubbling in his chest. Who cares? He thought bitterly. People can be late. It didn’t mean anything. It shouldn’t mean anything.

Still, the unease lingered like a shadow, growing heavier as the minutes crawled into hours.

By lunchtime, the absence had become impossible to ignore.

The whispers started first—soft, curious murmurs from classmates, all of them glancing toward Kan whenever Thua’s name was brought up. Even the teachers seemed perplexed, their brows furrowed as they asked about the class representative’s whereabouts. “Is he sick?” “Did anyone hear from his parents?”

And every time someone asked, Kan felt the weight of their eyes turn to him. Every. Single. Time.

He didn’t need the reminder. They all knew, of course. About the past. About Thua and him—about the friendship that dissolved into nothing more than silence and bitterness. Kan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, fists curling under the desk.

At one point, Akk—haggard and overwhelmed—plopped down beside him with an exasperated groan. “How the hell does Thua do all of this every day?” He muttered, rubbing a hand over his face as he collected stacks of assignments. Wat chimed in from across the room, fanning himself with a folder. “Seriously. Thua’s got, like, four arms or something. I’m sweating just helping Akk with this PowerPoint.”

Kan ignored them. He was too busy staring at the pile of neatly labeled folders sitting on Thua’s desk, untouched.

“Hey, I’ll take these to Professor Chadok.”

Akk looked up, startled, as Kan grabbed the history assignments from his hands. Wat paused mid-stretch, eyebrows shooting upward.

“You sure?” Wat drawled, eyeing him skeptically. “Didn’t think you were the volunteering type.”

Kan rolled his eyes, flipping them off without missing a beat. “Don’t get used to it.”

The other two exchanged glances, Akk’s expression hovering somewhere between gratitude and suspicion. “Uh… Thanks, I guess?” He mumbled before heading for the cafeteria with Wat.

Kan watched them leave, the echo of their footsteps fading into the corridor. The silence that followed was a familiar one—cold and hollow, the kind that crept in when a room felt too empty. He exhaled sharply, clutching the stack of papers tighter. “What the hell is wrong with me?” he muttered under his breath.

Professor Chadok’s office was tucked at the end of the hallway, the door shut tight. Kan knocked twice, the sound ringing through the corridor. No response. He frowned and tried again. Still nothing.

“Whatever,” he muttered, reaching for the doorknob.

Then he heard it.

“…we don’t have any information about your son, ma’am. He didn’t show up for class today.”

Kan froze.

The voice was muffled, but unmistakable: Chadok’s stern, measured tone, now laced with something that sounded a lot like concern. Kan pulled his hand back like the handle had burned him, instinct urging him to turn around and leave. But he couldn’t move.

“Nothing like this has happened before,” came another voice—softer, trembling with barely restrained panic. Thua’s mother.

Kan’s stomach turned.

“We’re worried too, ma’am,” Chadok continued. “If we hear anything—”

The call ended, the beep of a disconnected line hanging ominously in the air.

Thua was gone. Missing. His mother hadn’t heard from him since yesterday.

Kan’s mind reeled, fragments of memories flashing like broken glass. Thua’s quiet laugh. The sound of his pen scratching notes. His careful voice, always soft when he spoke to Kan, as if afraid to say the wrong thing. Thua wouldn’t just disappear.

The Thua Kan knew was too responsible, too… predictable. And yet, here he was, standing outside a teacher’s office with a truth he didn’t want to acknowledge. Something had happened.

“Who’s out there?”

The sharp voice jolted him back.

Kan straightened instinctively. “It’s Kanlong, Professor. I brought the class history assignments.”

“Come in.”

He hesitated only a moment before turning the knob.

Kan slumped in his chair, arms folded tightly against his chest, head tilted downward like a stone anchoring him to the earth. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, slicing through the dust-heavy air, and the breeze gently stirred the curtains. The warmth should have been soothing—like an unspoken truce between man and morning—but inside Kan’s head, there was no such peace.

It was chaos. A churn of thoughts and memories he couldn’t banish.

Thua.

The name rang like an echo through the mess. The image of him hovered at the edges of Kan’s mind, refusing to leave. Thua—stubborn and bright-eyed, the person Kan had once cared for more than he cared to admit. The same Thua who had slowly, almost imperceptibly, started pulling away. Now he was gone completely, and it was as though something inside Kan had cracked wide open, leaving him raw.

Why now? Why was he coming back into his thoughts? Kan had worked so damn hard to forget him—or at least pretend to. He’d forced himself to turn away, to bury whatever tether had once existed between them. But now, here he was, digging up ruins Kan thought he’d long buried.

The creak of footsteps outside the door jolted him back.

A figure appeared in the doorway—a first-year, by the looks of him, panting like he’d run across the entire school. The kid glanced at the class number posted outside before finally stepping in. “This is class 6/1, right?”

Kan flicked his gaze up from his folded arms, brows knitted together. He gave the boy a once-over—a look Kan perfected years ago, the kind that made freshmen squirm—and nodded sharply.

“Do you know where Thua is?” the kid asked, leaning lazily against the doorframe. His nonchalance, his boldness—hell, even his voice—itched under Kan’s skin.

Kan’s irritation spiked, though he didn’t quite know why. Who was this kid? Why did he care about Thua? “Thua?” he said coldly, narrowing his eyes. “Am I wrong, or are you a junior? Don’t you think you’re forgetting something, kid?”

The boy straightened, quickly adding a sheepish cough. “P’Thua. Sorry. Do you know where P’Thua is? I’ve been looking for him—he’s not at his usual place.”

Kan froze.

Usual place?

Since when did Thua have a place? A lunchtime haunt that this kid apparently knew about? Kan clenched his jaw, irritation bubbling into something sharper—something dangerously close to jealousy.

“He didn’t come to school,” Kan snapped, cutting the boy off before he could say anything else. “Now go. Lessons are about to start.”

The boy blinked, clearly surprised, but bowed politely before turning to leave. As he hurried down the hall, Kan heard him mutter to a friend waiting outside. “It’ll be for the next time, man.”

Kan didn’t move, didn’t even breathe as their voices faded.

Who were they?

And more importantly, what did they have to do with Thua?

The waves crashed rhythmically against the shore, their soft, steady murmur rising and falling like a heartbeat. Thua sat where the tide had once kissed the sand, his legs stretched in front of him and his fingers digging idly into the grains. It felt cool beneath his skin—soft, clean, untouched—and for the first time in months, he felt like he could breathe.

The salt-tinged air filled his lungs as he closed his eyes and exhaled.

He hadn’t slept more than two hours last night, but it didn’t matter. Here, on this beach, under a sky so wide it seemed endless, his exhaustion felt distant. Trivial.

He smiled to himself, faintly.

Freedom.

The word lingered on his tongue, foreign but not unwelcome. He’d forgotten what it felt like to act purely on instinct—to leave everything behind: responsibilities, schedules, expectations. He thought of Kan—of the time when this feeling had come naturally, when their shared laughter had made the world feel just a little less heavy.

But now it was just him.

Thua let the sand sift through his fingers, watching the grains catch in the breeze and vanish like smoke. He almost drifted off again, lulled by the sound of waves, when a voice broke through.

“Is this seat free?”

It wasn’t loud—calm, casual even—but clear enough that Thua knew it wasn’t directed at him. He ignored it, assuming the stranger had meant someone else. He focused back on the sand, letting the silence reclaim him.

But the person persisted.

A hand brushed his shoulder lightly, and Thua finally turned his head, blinking against the sun.

“Excuse me. Is this seat free?”

The man stood there, dark eyes gleaming beneath long lashes, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. His dark hair was slicked back, effortlessly sharp, and his ears glinted with silver—piercings scattered like constellations. Layered necklaces peeked out from beneath his shirt collar, catching the sunlight.

Well.

Thua’s gaze lingered for a moment longer than it should have. He was attractive—impossibly so, and judging by the confidence dripping from his posture, he knew it.

Thua didn’t bother to hide his amusement. He nodded and shifted over, patting the sand beside him.

The man dropped down, closer than necessary, his smile widening as he settled in. “So… what’s your name?”

There was something about him—something unshakably self-assured—that would’ve annoyed Thua on any other day. But today, it didn’t bother him at all. If anything, it felt… entertaining.

Thua hesitated, smirking faintly as he turned to meet the man’s gaze. “Thua,” he said, letting the syllable hang for a beat before adding a deliberate smile of his own. “Yours?”

The stranger paused—dazed, almost—before he recovered, that playful glint returning to his eye. “Ayan.”

“Well, Ayan, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Thua.”

Ayan’s smile could’ve been carved from marble—practiced and devastatingly effective. Thua would’ve rolled his eyes at someone else, but today, he simply chuckled under his breath.

“So…” Ayan leaned back on his hands, watching him with open curiosity. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

Thua huffed a soft laugh, tilting his head. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Touché.”

They both chuckled, the tension dissolving like morning mist.

For the first time in years, Thua felt like himself—comfortable, unguarded. Maybe it was because Ayan was a stranger. Strangers couldn’t judge you; they didn’t know your past, your mistakes, or the expectations that clung to you like shackles.

And yet, there was something almost familiar about the lightness Ayan brought—the way the world didn’t feel so suffocating when he smiled. Thua hadn’t felt that in a long time. Not with anyone except—

Kan.

The thought came unbidden, sharp and painful.

Thua shook it off quickly, focusing back on the sand in his hands and the boy beside him.

Maybe it was a mistake to come here. Maybe he’d regret skipping school later.

But right now, sitting on this beach, basking in the brief freedom of anonymity…

Maybe he should do it more often.

Chapter Text

CRY OUT ♪

Pain.

It flared like a pulse, sharp and unforgiving, as Thua’s nails bit into the flesh of his palm. He tightened his grip, welcoming the sting as a distraction, his thin fingers trembling with the pressure. He knew the aftermath too well—raw red welts, sometimes jagged crescents where the skin broke open. Blood would crust over eventually, and he’d hide his hands in his pockets to avoid questions. But for now, it was the only thing that worked. The only thing that helped him stay present, even as everything else unraveled around him.

Everything. Including him.

“Why didn’t you come yesterday, Thua?”

The voice came like a snake’s hiss, low and mocking, brushing past his ear before the speaker leaned in closer. Hot, sour breath fanned over Thua’s cheek as fingers gripped his chin, forcing his gaze upward. Tim’s face loomed inches from his, a twisted smirk curling across his lips, the kind that reeked of power, of control.

“I missed you,” Tim added, his voice dripping with derision.

Thua’s stomach churned. He loathed how Tim said his name, how he made it sound so small, so powerless. He wanted to pull away, to spit some clever retort that would shatter Tim’s smug facade, but he couldn’t. His body betrayed him as it always did—frozen, locked in place, his mind screaming for escape while his limbs refused to move.

“What’s the matter? Skipping school with your little boyfriend?”

The jab struck deep, though Thua knew it was a guess. If Tim ever caught wind of how pitifully one-sided Thua’s love life really was, he’d never let it go. The thought almost made him laugh—a bitter, hollow sound that stayed trapped in his throat. It wasn’t even funny anymore, this endless humiliation.

Thua didn’t answer. He didn’t look up. His eyes remained fixed on the cracked asphalt beneath their feet, wishing desperately for the moment to end. Silence was his only weapon, his only shield, even if it never seemed to work.

“Look at me,” Tim said, his voice sharp with annoyance.

Thua didn’t move. He wouldn’t.

“Look at me,” Tim repeated, louder this time, the impatience rising like a tide.

Thua’s hands began to tremble, and not from the pressure he’d inflicted on himself earlier. He could feel his pulse quickening, his breath growing shallow. His wristwatch caught his eye—it was late. Too late. He should’ve been back in class by now, fulfilling his duties as head of the class. If he stayed there any longer, the professors would call his mother. Again.

“I said look at me, shithead!”

The shout was sudden, deafening, and punctuated by a fist slamming into the wall beside Thua’s face. The sound reverberated in his skull, making him flinch. He took a step back, only to feel the cold, rough surface of the brick wall pressing against his back. There was nowhere left to go.

Tim’s face twisted into something uglier, his eyes narrowing into slits as he snarled, “Fucking faggot. I said, look me in the eye!”

The word hit like a slap. It always did. No matter how many times Thua heard it—whispered behind his back or hurled like a weapon—it never stopped cutting deep. A sickness churned in his gut, spreading upward until his chest ached.

Then came the grip.

Tim’s hand shot out, fingers closing around Thua’s neck in a vice-like hold. Thua gasped, instinctively clawing at the larger boy’s wrist, but it was no use. Tim’s strength dwarfed his, and the pressure only grew worse. He was choking.

The wall pressed harder against him, the chill of the bricks seeping through his uniform. His feet barely touched the ground as Tim lifted him, his smirk widening with cruel satisfaction.

“Finally,” Tim sneered. “Now you’re not so brave anymore, huh?”

Thua’s vision blurred as he struggled for air, his hands clawing desperately. Panic clawed at him like a wild animal, tearing through his chest. For the first time, it wasn’t just words. For the first time, Tim had crossed a line.

He wasn’t used to this. Not the violence. The threats, the insults, the slurs—those were part of his daily life. But this? This was new. This was worse.

He tried to block out the pain, the humiliation, the reality of his situation. He hoped that the prefects had already checked the area they were and no one would find them. He could not have survived such humiliation.

Kan checked the closet one last time. Satisfied that everything was in its place, he headed toward the exit leading to the final area on his checklist. Before he could get there, however, his phone buzzed in his trouser pocket. He retrieved it to find a new message from Jeans, one of the other prefects, informing him that he would take care of inspecting the park behind the school—the last area Kan needed to check.

This wasn’t the first time. For months now, Jeans had preempted Kan from checking that specific area. Initially, Kan welcomed the reprieve; one less place to inspect meant more time to rest before classes. But as the pattern persisted, curiosity gnawed at him. Jeans would notify him every morning around the same time, always with the same message. Occasionally, they exchanged words, with Jeans attempting to vary the phrasing, but the routine remained unchanged.

Despite the oddity, Kan never pursued his doubts, feeling it was none of his business. He was too lazy to investigate. After all, Jeans was a cool guy; why would he do something shady or assist someone in doing so? Maybe he was just being particularly nice, trying to help Kan out. So, once again, Kan dismissed the matter and proceeded to his class, eager for another of his rejuvenating naps, taking his usual shortcut.

But that day was different. As he walked, he suddenly heard a familiar voice—one he had never encountered on his usual route.

Kan had discovered a narrow path behind the school building that shortened his journey to the classroom. This path connected to the small park, but reaching it required traversing a corridor of large stone tiles—too much effort for him.

At first, he thought he was imagining things. His mind often replayed moments spent with Thua, driving him to question his sanity. But the voice spoke again, this time tinged with distress.

Acting on impulse, Kan crossed the corridor and halted behind a low wall. His mouth fell open as he took in the scene before him.

A student, back turned to Kan, was pinning Thua against the wall, choking him. Thua’s face was flushed, clearly struggling for air, making desperate sounds as he tried to break free. “Finally. Now you’re not so brave anymore, huh?” the assailant sneered. The voice was vaguely familiar, but Kan couldn’t place it.

Thua attempted to resist but was overpowered. The aggressor released him abruptly, wiping his hand on his uniform with a disgusted “Ew.” As he scanned the area, Kan recognized him—it was the first-year student who had inquired about Thua the previous day.

Kan had sensed something off about that guy from the beginning.

Thua rose, dusting himself off, and tried to leave without a word. Kan watched in disbelief, rooted to the spot, afraid to make a sound.

Was Thua really going to walk away without reacting? “It’s not fun; you never show what you feel,” the junior taunted, grabbing Thua’s arm. “I could only see a spark of emotion while I was suffocating you,” he said playfully. “Maybe I should use violence more often, then?”

Thua didn’t flinch, merely tilted his head to the left, his gaze almost provoking. The gesture infuriated Tim, who swung a fist into Thua’s face, the impact echoing in the oppressive silence.

Both Kan and Thua wore expressions of surprise. Neither had anticipated such a swift reaction. But Thua recovered quickly, touching the blood trickling from his lip, examining his stained fingertips with an inscrutable expression. His slightly narrowed eyes, arched eyebrows, and wrinkled nose revealed nothing. Even Kan, who had known him forever, couldn’t decipher his emotions. Despite this, concern gnawed at Kan, and the urge to intervene grew stronger.

But he hesitated, considering the consequences. Intervening could reignite rumors and subject him to renewed teasing and judgment—just when it seemed to have ended. He couldn’t endure that again.

Yet witnessing Thua’s ordeal firsthand caused a pang in his heart. The bleeding lip, reddened neck, and that unreadable expression unsettled him, challenging his principles and compelling him to act. Thua had always had that influence on him, an enigma Kan had never unraveled.

It was precisely that influence that propelled Kan forward when he saw Tim ready to strike again.

But someone else intervened first.

“Ayan?” Thua exclaimed, genuine surprise widening his eyes, as he realized there was no impact from Tim’s fist. The newcomer had seized Tim’s arm mid-air and offered Thua a gentle smile. “Are you okay?”

Kan, lost in his thoughts, hadn't noticed the stranger approach. He scrutinized the newcomer: gelled hair, multiple piercings, an abundance of accessories, and a blatant disregard for the school uniform. Kan had never seen him before. Was he even a Suppalo student?

Thua seemed to recognize him, though his surprise was evident.

“Yeah. Let's just leave."

Kan backed away, slowly planting his feet on the ground and making sure he wasn't heard, while Tim stood still, still confused by the unexpected change. And even when he tried to speak, the only thing, he could repeat was “Who are you?”

He knew that if there were any witnesses, and the occurrence was reported to the principal, he was screwed. Completely.

The two left. With Ayan placing an arm around Thua's shoulders.

Who was that boy, and why did he seem so familiar with Thua? It was the only thing that buzzed through Kan’s mind on the way back to class .

Chapter Text

IRIS♪

“What… what are you doing here?” Thua asked, his voice unsteady as he glanced at the clock on his phone for the fifth time in under a minute.

He knew they were at school, and he shouldn’t have used it, but he was extremely late due to whatever happened back in the yard and wasn’t exactly thinking straight. His mind felt like it was spinning out of control.

“Hey,” came the calm response. Ayan’s tone was light, easy, like they weren’t rushing through the halls, barely making their way to class. Unlike Thua, Ayan wasn’t running. He was just walking, keeping pace beside him, calm as ever.

“Breathe,” Ayan said, his voice cutting through the fog of Thua’s racing thoughts.

Breathe? Thua didn’t have time to breathe. There was too much to do—organize essays, clean the teacher’s table, collect homework, and somehow explain why he was late. It felt impossible to slow down, let alone focus on something as trivial as his breathing.

“I said,” Ayan repeated, his voice firmer now, “breathe.”

Ayan’s hand reached out, stopping Thua mid-step. The sudden gesture forced Thua to stumble slightly, bringing them chest to chest. Ayan’s hand lingered for a moment before moving to Thua’s chest, resting lightly where his heart pounded like a drum.

“Listen to me,” Ayan murmured, his voice low and steady. His fingers began tracing slow circles over Thua’s shirt, a rhythmic motion that matched the rise and fall of his own breathing. “Just follow me. In… and out.”

Thua’s breath hitched, caught somewhere between a sob and a gasp. His chest rose and fell sporadically, but slowly, bit by bit, he mirrored Ayan’s rhythm. The warmth of Ayan’s touch spread through him, calming his frayed nerves. It wasn’t just the physical sensation; it was the quiet assurance in Ayan’s tone, the unwavering patience in his actions.

Eventually, Thua’s breathing evened out. He opened his eyes, realizing they’d been closed, and stared at Ayan.

“Better?” Ayan asked, his lips curving into a soft smile.

How could a smile—something so small—feel so comforting? So disarming?

The boy standing in front of him didn’t feel like the same person he’d met at the beach the day before. Thua barely knew him, but being this close, feeling this safe, was unsettling in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. He wasn’t used to this. To being cared for.

“Better,” Thua finally managed, though his voice trembled. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to leave the safety of the moment. A part of him wished he could stay like that—calm, secure—for hours.

“You need to talk about what just happened,” Ayan said, his tone still soft, but with an undercurrent of concern. “I know it’s hard, but Thua… you’re shaking.”

“I…” Thua hesitated, his mind screaming at him to leave, to shut everything out and focus on his work.  He couldn’t stay there to talk, that wasn’t what Thua did. That wasn’t Thua. He had work to do. He . “I think… I need to go.”

Before Ayan could stop him, Thua’s feet moved on their own, carrying him down the hallway. His heart still raced, though not as chaotically as before. Behind him, Ayan’s voice called out, “Wait, Thua!”

But he didn’t turn back.

When Thua finally entered the classroom, the sound of his abrupt entrance startled Akk and Wat. The two prefects froze mid-task, Akk holding a stack of papers and Wat wiping down the teacher’s desk with a damp cloth.

“Ai’Thua! You’re here,” Wat greeted him first, his usual sunny smile in place. “We were just getting started with the work.”

Thua blinked, confused. Wat’s cheerful tone was unnerving. Since when did his classmates care enough to help him?

“You… you don’t like it?” Akk asked, his brow furrowed as he studied Thua’s stoic expression.

“I—” Thua started, but the words stuck in his throat.

“Sorry!” Akk interrupted, looking uncomfortable. “We just thought… you know, with all the work you do, you could use some help.”

Thua stood frozen, unsure how to respond. Gratitude swelled in his chest, but it warred with disbelief. No one had ever offered to help him before.

When he said nothing, Akk sighed and motioned for Wat to follow him. “We’ll leave, then—”

“No!” The word burst from Thua’s lips before he could stop it. The room fell silent, even Thua startled by his own voice.

Wat tilted his head, a curious smile playing on his lips. “No?”

Thua exhaled shakily. “I just… didn’t know how to react. You didn’t have to, but… thank you.”

Wat’s grin widened, and he went back to cleaning. “No worries, Rep!”

Akk smirked and gave Thua a thumbs-up. “We tasted a bit of what you deal with as class rep, and let me tell you, it’s brutal. We’ll help out whenever we can. Hope you don’t mind us sticking around.”

Thua tried to smile in return, though it felt foreign on his face. Inside, he felt something warm and unfamiliar. A tiny part of him—a part he didn’t know existed—opened up, letting in a soft, golden light. It wasn’t something he’d ever felt before.

It was… nice.

They were Kan’s friends. They probably knew about the past—knew what had happened between him and Kan. Yet they still stayed. Still offered their help.

“I’m sorry you had to do my work because I wasn’t here yesterday,” Thua said finally, his voice quieter now. “It won’t happen again.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Wat said, waving his hand dismissively. “You can miss school whenever you want. It’s normal.”

Normal. Thua stared at him, something in his chest tightening painfully.

He wished that could be true. Wished he could be normal .

The three of them continued with their work in a comfortable silence, punctuated only by Wat’s awkward jokes. It was an unusual atmosphere for their small classroom—a sort of soothing rhythm broken by the occasional burst of laughter. Thua’s eyes flicked nervously around the room, searching for something—anything—else to distract him from the dull ache at the base of his neck. It had started as a dull throb earlier in the day and now throbbed insistently beneath his collar. He kept his fingers discreetly at his throat, trying to relieve the pressure, wondering why Kan wasn’t there yet. It was strange not to see him with his friends.

At one point, Wat, ever the nervous chatterbox, approached Thua’s table, where he was setting up the class computer for the lesson. Wat’s presence loomed closer until the jokes finally died out, and the air in the room grew unnaturally still. Thua didn’t notice at first—too lost in arranging his notes and checking the lesson plan—until Wat’s voice cut through the silence like a knife.

“Ai’Thua?” Wat’s voice was tinged with worry as he hesitated by the edge of the table. Thua looked up, startled, and met his gaze directly. The other boy’s eyes widened, concern washing over his features. “What’s that red mark around your neck? Does it hurt?”

Shit. Thua’s breath caught in his throat. He had forgotten about it—forgotten the shame of those hands around his neck, the pressure, the panic that had gripped him in that moment. It felt like it was still there, invisible fingers squeezing his skin tighter every time he thought about it. It was too easy to slip back into that dark place, behind the wall in the yard, to remember Tim’s sneer and the cruel satisfaction on his face as he pressed in.

But as always, Thua put on his mask—his carefully cultivated calm—and covered the mark with his right hand, hoping it would be enough to hide the evidence. Wat’s eyes never left his face, though, too curious, too concerned. He moved closer, inching into Thua’s space as if willing to reach out and touch, to offer comfort without asking permission. “It’s nothing,” Thua said, his voice steady, trying to project a nonchalance he didn’t feel. What if it wasn’t just his imagination? What if the pain really was visible, etched onto his skin for everyone to see?

“Are you sure?” Wat’s eyes searched his, those deep brown orbs filled with a concern that seemed disproportionate to the reality of their acquaintance. “It seems to hurt. Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?”

“No. No need,” Thua replied, his tone sharper than he intended. He tried to soften it with a reassuring smile, but the tension in his shoulders betrayed him. “It’s nothing.”

“But…” Wat hesitated again, his gaze darting nervously to Akk, who had moved closer to intervene. Akk’s hand shot out, gently but firmly grasping Wat’s arm, stopping him from coming any closer. “Stop it,” Akk said, his voice gentle but firm, the words like a shield for Thua. “You heard him the first time, Wat. It’s nothing. Leave him alone.”

Wat’s face fell, and he took a step back, his expression clouded with frustration and confusion. Thua could see how badly he wanted to press—wanted to understand. He didn’t understand it himself, why he kept this pain locked inside, why it was easier to lie than to admit he was still haunted by what had happened. Thua exhaled heavily, relieved when Wat finally dropped the topic and stepped away.

“Guys?” The voice at the door startled them all. Thua turned instinctively, his back to the entrance as Kan’s footsteps echoed across the floor. “Oh? You’re here! Why are you so late!”Akk’s voice was a mock-scolding, just like a dad would give.

Kan snorted, glancing up from his phone just long enough to catch Thua’s eyes. It was a glance—a half-assed acknowledgment—but it spoke volumes.

Thua clenched his jaw, his hands shaking slightly as he tried to bury the sudden wave of frustration and hurt.

Why was he the one to look like the loser? He hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes, he still liked Kan—more than he cared to admit—but he saw no point in letting it show. It wasn’t worth the hurt, the awkward glances, the uncertainty of where they stood now.

He could admit he was pretty good at hiding his feelings, so why not make use of it and put it together to appear like he's moved on and doesn't want anything to do with Kan too. It wasn't the truth, of course , but at least he could make others think it was. He should at least try to get over him and save what stayed of his reputation. 

This time, though, something felt different. When Kan finally looked at him, there was something in his eyes—something he couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t pity or anger, just a flicker of something that made Thua’s breath catch in his throat.

He didn’t want to analyze it. He didn’t have time for that. So, with a practiced ease, Thua pushed all of it down, locked it away behind his walls, and forced a smile. “Thank you guys for the help,” he said, his voice steady, despite the trembling beneath the surface. “I’m done here. I think I’ll take a break until class starts.”

“No worries, Rep,” Wat said with a grin, patting him on the back like he was a beloved pet. “It was a pleasure. See you later.”

Akk only smiled, nodding as he waved. “See you later, Rep.”

Kan just stood there, his eyes tracing Thua’s form as if trying to find something in him—something Thua wasn’t ready to give.

Thua took a deep breath, forcing himself to meet Kan’s gaze for just a moment. He tried to read him—tried to find some clue to what was going on in his head—but all he saw was confusion and maybe something more. Thua turned away first, too afraid of what he might find there.

“See you later,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, and made his way to the bathroom, needing the solitude more than anything else.

Once Thua arrived in the bathroom, he closed the door behind him with a shaky hand, trying to keep the world out—if only for a moment. The air in the small space felt heavy, like a weight pressing down on his chest. He turned on the tap and let the cold water run, hoping it would wash away more than just the sweat from his forehead. With one hand, he cupped the water around his neck, pressing the coolness against the heated skin. The burning slowly eased, but the mark remained—a stark red line across his neck that seemed to grow more vivid with every passing second in the unforgiving fluorescent light.

Thua looked at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes narrowing as he studied the darkening mark. His pulse quickened, and the anxiety came back like a tide he couldn’t fight against.

He took a big, long breath, willing the tightness in his chest to ease, but it only grew tighter. Thua brought more water closer, splashing it over his neck with desperation. Nothing. Another breath—this one shaky—followed by more water. Still nothing. It wasn’t working. His hands trembled, and the panic began to close in around him.

He felt it—those invisible hands again, tightening around his throat. He pressed his palm harder against his neck, as if it could somehow erase the pain, but it was useless. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, a feeling he hadn’t allowed himself since before Tim’s grip had left its mark on his skin.

This wasn’t the time for a meltdown, not here—certainly not now, not in the school bathroom of all places. It was supposed to be a sanctuary, a place where he could go unnoticed, safe from the eyes that seemed to follow him wherever he went. What had become of his ordinary self—the one who was always in control, who never let any emotion show? It was disappearing, slipping away like sand through his fingers.

“Hey… Hey.” The voice, gentle and steady, cut through the haze of his panic, making him jump in fear. Thua’s breath hitched in his throat, every muscle in his body tensing as he turned to face the source.

For a moment, he thought it was one of his bullies—had they found him here, of all places? The thought of being cornered like this, his vulnerability exposed in a darkened bathroom, was enough to make his stomach churn. He could already feel the familiar burn of tears in his eyes, could feel his fingers shaking as they brushed against the sink.

But then the face emerged from one of the bathroom stalls—young, unassuming, and kind. Jamnong, one of his juniors and a member of “The World Remembers” group, stepped out with a concerned expression, his dark eyes wide as he took in Thua’s appearance. “P? Please breathe,” Jamnong said, his voice soft, his hands held out in a soothing gesture. “It’s okay. Just breathe.”

Thua swallowed, his breath hitching again as he nodded, barely able to meet the boy’s eyes. Weak. That’s what he felt like—the familiar sensation of his control slipping away, of being reduced to this shaking, desperate state in front of a stranger. What was it about today that made him so fragile? “What’s the matter with your neck?” Jamnong’s voice was gentle, but insistent. “Does it hurt? Do you need help?”

Thua bit his lip, his mind racing. He wanted to deny it—wanted to pretend it was nothing, to erase the evidence of what had happened earlier in the day—but he knew he couldn’t. Not anymore. He shook his head, his fingers fumbling with his shirt collar as he tried to cover the mark. “I— I need to cover it… Could you please help me?”

Silence. Thua’s heart sank as he realized just how vulnerable he was—how alone he felt, even when a kind face offered him a lifeline. He didn’t expect anyone to understand, to really see what he was going through. Who could ever help him?

“Sure, nothing a little makeup can’t fix,” Jamnong said, his tone steady, but his eyes softening with a sympathy Thua didn’t feel he deserved. Thua’s breath hitched again as he fought the tears back—fought the embarrassment, the shame, and the panic that threatened to overwhelm him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be stronger, to handle this on his own.

“Thanks,” Thua managed, his voice barely above a whisper, “I think I can… handle it from here.” Jamnong gave him a long look, as if he could see right through the façade, right into the chaos Thua tried so hard to keep hidden. “Okay, if you say so,” Jamnong said finally, his tone still gentle, though his eyes told a different story. “But if you need anything… if you just need to talk—”

“I’m fine,” Thua cut him off quickly, even though his voice wavered. “I just need to get back to class.”

Thanks to the junior’s help, the mark on Thua’s neck was almost gone, but he couldn’t shake the need to cover it up—first with his arm, then his right hand, then his left, moving constantly, unable to sit still.

He felt exposed, vulnerable—too easily read by the shifting glances of his classmates, the unspoken judgments etched across their faces.

As the English teacher, Sani, greeted the class and took her position behind the desk, her soft voice filled the room with a calm that felt far removed from the chaotic whirl in Thua’s mind. Her usual gentle aura was highlighted by the rosy outfit that lit up her face, the color almost fluorescent under the harsh overhead lights. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and it swayed with each movement as she spoke, anchoring Thua in the present, if only for a moment.

“Good morning, everyone.” Sani’s voice broke through his scattered thoughts, and the class stood in unison, hands clasped in front of them. “Today we get to welcome a new friend.” The unexpected words made Thua’s stomach twist. His heart raced as the teacher began to explain, but the only thing he could really hear were footsteps—someone approaching. His eyes darted to the door, waiting for the newcomer to arrive. “Introduce yourself,” Sani prompted, her voice steady, as the door creaked open.

Thua’s breath caught when he saw the figure framed in the doorway—Ayan. His eyes were locked on Thua’s as he stepped forward, filled with a quiet curiosity, the same expression he’d worn the day they met at the beach. Thua’s mouth opened, then closed again as he tried to make sense of it—of all the places, of all the times Ayan could have turned up in his life.

Ayan was here, now, and Thua could barely find the words to respond. “My name is Ayan,” the new student said, his voice clear, confident despite the tremor Thua could see in his hands as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder. “You can call me Aye.”

Ayan didn't know the real Thua.  Ayan knew the Thua of the beach, who had only existed for that day. He already had to see what happened in the yard, how could Thua stay in the same class as him for one whole year? What kind of joke was that?

“Thuaphu please help guide him” Yeah, right.  He was going to kill himself.  “Of course.” However, he was still the head of the class and the best student, he certainly could not refuse the offer made to him by a  professor.

“He can sit with me.”  Akk, out of nowhere, butted into the conversation.  Thua raised an eyebrow, confused.  He leaned over to get a better look at him and saw the stare he was giving Ayan, and something wasn't adding up. The two were exchanging fiery glances and the tension was visible just like a thread, flowing from Ayan's eyes – engaged in a smirking smile – and those of Akk.

Did they already know each other? 
Thua was missing something.

“Kanlong will sit with Thuaphu.  I'm a prefect, I will take care of him.”

Now.

He crossed the line.

It was fine until he wanted to sit next to Ayan, but making Kan sit next to him? No. It would have been mortifying, to say the least. A whole year next to someone who would have ignored him.  He couldn’t. What was Akk thinking, knowing what was between him and his friend. 

“Is that okay?” The teacher asked Ayan to make sure he approved it. Thua wanted to cry.

No one would have denied the professor such a thing. He was screwed, his reputation would fall even more from that day forward.

How would he have resisted a full year next to Kan?  When was he supposed to try to get over him? It would have been impossible.

“Actually, I'd like to sit next to Thuaphu since we already know each other.”

He knew it.  Fine . He had to start resign himself for the things he'll go through.

Wait.  

“Is that alright?” He asked, a polite smile plastered on his face. The teacher could only nod as the class stared at Thua with shocked expressions. Including Akk. Thua didn't have the courage to look at Kan's expression.

Was it really that strange that he knew someone outside of school?

 Well…

“But..” Akk wanted to persist, however the educator cut him off. “He is new, it would be better to sit next to someone he already knows.”

“Sure.” It’s not like he could argue with a professor in the position he was.

What was Akk's problem with Ayan?

“Hi, Thuaphu .”  Ayan, who had basically materialized in the chair next to him, whispered directly into his ear, sending a series of shivers down the guy's spine.  His cheeks were on fire, and the way the other was looking at him didn't help at all.

He should have sat next to Kan.

Chapter Text

FORESHADOW ♪

Every first Saturday of the month, Suppalo High School prepared an assembly to deal with the latest occurrences, such as exams, school trips, and recent problems. At that reunion, apart from the teachers, only prefects and representatives of each class were allowed. 

As with any occasion, the prefects were supposed to arrive before the rest of the students to make sure everything was in its place and help organize the classroom where the meeting was held.

Kan, who in cases like these was unfortunate to be considered a prefect, was returning to his car to get back some materials that would be needed for the presentation; chalk, and markers that Akk had left there in the previous days.

He quickly peeked in the back seats, as instructed, and found them scattered in the front pocket. “Thua!” Someone outside the vehicle shouted forcefully, rushing over. Kan, hiding between seats, peered through the window and saw Ayan's figure running toward what appeared to be Thua's, still with his back turned.

Thua turned around, taken aback and let out a startled groan. “Aye?” Incredulous, questioned, “What are you doing here?” He used a serious tone, but in his eyes, it was easy to read a spark of amusement. Ayan adjusted Thua’s jacket, spreading the fabric with his hands, naturally. Almost as if it were routine, and smiled at him. “I knew you would come, and I came to keep you company.” He then winked, smirking right at him. Thua – as if that gesture were some kind of inside joke between the two of them – winked back and tried to roll his eyes up shortly after, but failed as he started laughing, “You do know that only prefects and representatives are allowed. Right?”

Since Ayan had joined their class, the two seemed to be spending more and more time together, getting closer and closer. Whether it was between classes, during lunch break, or even after school, Kan always seemed to find them together. Constantly.

How was it possible to be already so close? Kan had never seen Thua smile that much times for so many weeks. And it was all thanks to Ayan. 

Ayan had something suspicious about him, Kan thought. There was something behind that stubborn, uncaring, free-thinking guy. So far from what he was. Yet, for several days on that side, he felt the need to resemble him. Perhaps it was because he also wanted to feel free, to not think about other people's opinions for once, to try talking, interacting, and laughing with Thua at school, or even outside, without carrying the constant fear of being judged, of making a mistake by following his instincts.

Because, ultimately, that was his biggest fear when it came to Thua, getting carried away by his emotions and doing something wrong.

Nonetheless, he still wanted to do it, so badly, and the way Thua and Ayan acted – in public, looking like they weren’t thinking about others’ comments – did not help him at all. He wanted to chase that feeling that he hadn’t felt in too long.

“I’ll tell you again, you can't go into the meeting room. Stay and wait for me outside,” Thua pushed Ayan away with a wave of his arm, but the smile on his face completely betrayed his words of rejection. "Can't I even hide somewhere? No one will notice me. I swear” It felt like watching a couple's love quarrel, Kan’s stomach was starting to turn upside down. 

He wondered how Ayan could be so different with Thua than when he was with Akk. Or at least, that was what his friend said to him.

Speaking of the devil… Kan’s phone suddenly rang, showing Akk’s contact info. Kan answered it quickly, not wanting to risk and be overheard.

“Where are you? We're about to start!” Akk on the other end of the line sounded irritated.

“I'm on my way, I couldn't find the markers.” Kan chose to lie, trying to be as believable as possible.

“Hurry up.” And just like that, the call ended. Kan could only hear the ringing sound of the hanged up phone, and when he turned to look at the two, they were already gone.

“Ai'Thua! You're here.” Wat immediately greeted him as he entered the classroom, sharing one of his familiar smiles. Thua had gotten used to it by now and had almost learned to respond with the same smile. Almost. He still had to work on it; that was what Ayan told him a few days earlier when they were practicing in front of the mirror. 

“Oh… ? Hello to you too Ayan?” At the mere mention of the name, Akk's head snapped vigorously toward the direction of the door, and his eyes grew fiery. Even his cheeks blushed with… anger?

“What are you doing? You shouldn't be here.”  The prefect leader's voice was unnecessarily serious. “Don't mind him, he'll wait outside during the assembly, he just came to keep me company.” Thua with one hand covered the mouth of the man beside him, by now sensing the answer he was about to give – knowing well enough the relationship between the two – and answered instead.

Akk, evidently, wanted to retort, but he didn’t let out anything else and ran to Kan as soon as he saw him walk through the other entrance, holding the markers. 

“Where are the chalks? I asked you to get them.” was heard from across the room, “Oh. I forgot them in the car.”

Thua's lips automatically rose in a subtle laugh, but as soon as he noticed it disappeared from his face as he remembered he was trying to avoid anything that had to do with him – not that they interacted that often.

He was attempting to get over that very long crush he had on Kan, and Ayan had been a great help for the last few days. He really did help him to not think about the other.

“You brought the flash drive, right?” Akk caught his attention, yelling from the other side of the room - making sure to be heard. Thua nodded, and without being asked twice he walked over to the computer and started downloading the presentation, leaving Ayan next to Namo. However, after inserting the USB flash drive, the computer kept showing the “error” screen and wouldn't let him catch sight of anything else. It was quite odd since he had always been the one to set it up, and it never happened before.

The student even tried taking the drive out and reinserting it shortly after, but it still didn't work.

Suddenly, he sensed someone's arm approaching from behind, their hot breath sent a series of chills down his entire back as unknown fingers pressed a sequence of keys nimbly. Before he could turn around, or even question who it was, the error screen disappeared and the presentation download began. Thua frowned, confused.

“Usually doing it in this way it works,” Kan spoke in a thin, almost inaudible tone, looking away. Thua was taken aback at the mere sound of his voice, but when he recovered and tried to talk back, Kan took two steps back and turned, walking away. 

What … had just happened?

“Thua! They are telling me to leave!” Ayan shaking his arm brought him back to earth. “They’re right, though, we are about to start.” Thua's hand rested on Ayan's, stroking it gently and then letting go, his eyes still looking at the computer. “See you later.” 

He, though, knew too well that the guy would absolutely not obey the orders, which is why as he walked him toward the door he also whispered, “Don't mess around, and especially, don't talk ” The only thing he got in response was a grimace.

Oh – what was he supposed to do with him, and with whatever Kan was trying to do. 

‘I guess he was just trying to be nice,’ his subconscious repeated continuously in his head. Because he had to convince himself so. What would be the reason if not that? Why would Kan randomly talk to him after months of ignoring? But – to Thua it still seemed that something was up. He knew Kan too well for that to be just a kind act. 

“I can't believe the principal actually allowed us to go on a field trip to Phuket for a week!” Namo jumped from one side of the room to the other, excitedly shaking anyone who came his way. “Too bad we have to wait until the end of the month though, I'd like to start filming soon!” Wat talked, imitating a camera with his hands and attempting to record his two friends. 

Thua, on the other hand, did not know how to feel about the trip; crowded places were not exactly his slice of bread, and besides, since he was the representative, he would also have to worry about arranging everything with the teacher.

"Oi! Thua!” Ayan called back to him, pulling on his arm. Thua looked at him annoyingly for the tenth time that day, but let him speak. “Are you free tonight?” 

Since the two of them had been in class together all they did was hang out, so that, of course, wasn’t a surprising question for Thua, but the excited tone in Ayan's voice suggested to him that something was different from the usual (staying home and watching movies).

He nodded anyway. “Ohhh, where are you two going? Can I join?” Namo interjected, observing the exchange of glances that Thua and Ayan were subtly trading. Ayan rolled his eyes and, as if feeling compelled, agreed with a head sign, causing Namo to cheer once again.

“Can we join in as well?” Akk was the one to step in this time, and the reactions were thoroughly different. 

Everyone remained silent, eyes wide. Even Wat and Kan looked at him questioningly, obviously not aware of the decision his friend had made for them.

“Sure, then Ayan will contact you later about the time.” Thua was the first to speak, and to move Ayan with a movement of his shoulder, as if to incite him to respond. “Yeah. I guess.” Forcibly replied, an expression of disgust on his face. Even Thua could no longer read what was going through his mind and what kind of relationship he had with Akk. One moment they were arguing and the next they looked as if they were about to kiss each other.

Wat, who decided to pull both of his friends out of the class, looked at the problem starter with an interrogated look. Demanding an explanation. Akk, as if the issue was obvious, replied, “He wants to plot something. We have to find out what!” Kan and Wat snorted, accustomed to the bullshit his friend was spewing regarding Ayan. “If that's the case, then why did he let us come?” Kan kidded. 

“To me, it just looks like he wanted to go on a date with Thua. It’s so obvious from the way he was looking at him” Wat stopped whatever Akk was trying to say. “I'm backing off, I would rather not be a third - No! A sixth wheel.”

As he made to walk away, Kan stopped him by the arm. Wat looked at him and already knew it was the end. Only from his expression. Something changed in him. “He already made the mistake. We have to go.” Akk nodded in satisfaction and Wat huffed resignedly. 

As soon as he mentioned the so-called date, Kan's brain changed direction and decided to go there on his own. Wanting to make sure none of that was true, for some reason. 

Those two weren’t together, were they?

Chapter Text

LOVIN’ ME ♪

Thua looked around bothered. Ayan had assured him that he would pick him up outside his house by at least 10:00 PM but there was no sign of the guy. He checked his phone for the fourth time, waiting for a message, a call. 

Apparently it worked, as a few seconds later the screen lit up, showing his friend's contact. “Thua” Ayan called, voice unexpectedly deep. Thua's back was suddenly overcome by a series of shivers for a moment. He was startled by it, thus bringing him to stay silent.

Ayan tried again. “Thua! I'm almost there, you can start heading out” The action made the guy sigh, bugged by the remarks. “I'm already out! Since at least twenty minutes.” Slight chuckles can be heard coming from the other side of the line, followed by an apology, not  heartfelt at all. “Oh Forgive me honey”

Thua found himself rolling his eyes for the thousandth time since that day. “What about the others?” He remembered to ask, given the organizations that had taken place not long ago on the group chat that Ayan himself had created, - though urged by Thua.

It was bizarre to see the unusual pairing of people all in a group together. Thua couldn't help but laugh every time he thought about it. Especially when he had to think about the fact that he would be hanging out with Kan and his friends after everything that had happened between them. It was all too ironic.

“Probably on their way, I shared the location with them” The voice coming from the speaker was shortly interrupted and replaced by the real one.

Ayan parked the vehicle beside the gate and knocked, drawing his friend's attention. This made Thua jump on the spot, covering his ears instinctively, but as soon as he realized the situation he simply sighed.

He then walked to the car and sat in the front, beside the driver. Ayan made a gesture to hug him, but stopped before proceeding. “Oh” His glance fell directly on Thua's body, who immediately followed him with his eyes. Panicked.

“What? Is something wrong?” Ayan could not tear his eyes away from the silhouette beside him. “Absolutely not” Thua still failed to understand. “Then  what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” Ayan smiled, finally meeting his friend's gaze. “You look breathtaking.”

Oh? Oh.

Ayan kept grinning at him, and Thua could only blush. Covering his face with his fingers and making his shirt slightly come up. 

“Wait! Is that a belly piercing? Are you kidding me, it's fake right !?” Suddenly Ayan yelled in amazement, burning with his eyes the skin he was observing. Thua in response brought a hand forward to cover himself.

“It's real! I did it without my parents' permission, you don't know how hard it was for them not to find out.” The guy  remained silent, calmly moving his hand away to get a better look. He brushed it lightly and grinned. Thua jumped on the spot, shivering at the sudden contact.

Their faces suddenly seemed too close. “I've always wanted one”. Their soft sighs were almost in harmony and the tension could be cut with a pair of scissors. Ayan looked up and their eyes met. Again. 

Thua's breath hitched in his throat.

Drin. Drin. Drin. 

The ringing of the phone made Thua look away embarrassed, but Ayan gave no sign of wanting to shift. “It's yours. You should answer.” Thua had to utter to make him turn away and finally answer. “That sucks.” 

“What do you want Akk!?” Ayan suddenly sounded exasperated. “Where are you? We’re already here” A speaking voice could be heard on the other side.

“We’re busy. Don't wait for us.” Ayan hung up the phone shortly after without even waiting for an answer.  “So...where were we?”

Thua chuckled and slapped him on the shoulder, sparks of amusement showing through his pretty eyes. “Let's just go, come on.”

Ayan wrinkled his nose and snorted, “Boring.”

、

When they arrived at their destination Thua immediately looked around disoriented. The place was large enough but seemed too small for all those people, to say the least. He never experienced that type of setting before and did not know how to act at all. 

Suddenly, before he could even notice, he felt his legs failing and his heart clenching. Too many people. There were way too many of them.

Ayan was notifying him about somthing, probably about how he got to know the area, but people kept pushing Thua from one side of the room to the other. They had not even completely crossed the entrance and he already wanted to go back home. He knew these places were not suitable for him.

Clinging to the first stable item he could find, he tried to remain calm. 

A hand then reached his shoulder and began to caress him, imparting to him - even if only partially - a feeling of tranquility. Ayan had stopped talking for a while and was now looking at Thua with a worried look, eyelids half-closed and lips tightened into a line.

“Just breathe. It's okay, I'm here with you.” He spoke slowly, spelling out the words well, and using his hand to help him keep up the rhythm of his breathing. 

When he saw Thua finally began to breathe evenly he attempted to address him, again whispering in his ear. “Can you manage to join the others? Do you want me to accompany you outside for some air?”

Thua shook his head and tried to stand up on two feet. “Let's go. I can handle it,” Ayan took his hand and squeezed it in his own. “We can always go home to our usual movie night. You know that, right?” He reassured.

“Where are the others?” At that point, when the other strengthened his grip and started walking, Thua let his friend completely pull him away while keeping his head down and closing his eyes.

Everything was going to be fine. Ayan was with him. There was nothing to be afraid of. 

Right?

Yet the tightness in his chest, the sweaty palms and the sense of dread, said otherwise. 

“Hey! You're finally here! We've been waiting for you for a while.” Exclaimed Namo, who was holding a drink in his hands. His shoulders rested on the back of the sofa and his legs splayed.

Kan's gaze immediately snapped to the newcomers, squaring them from head to toe. Until it stopped.

“A belly button piercing!?” Wat jumped off the small sofa and basically ran toward Thua. The lights were dim, yet the guy's piercing was perfectly noticeable. Kan's mouth opened, uncertain of the feeling he was experiencing in the vicinity of his stomach. 

Since when? 

Thua smiled shyly at his friend and nodded. Kan in the meantime couldn’t help but stare at him. Gazing at his shining face, his smile, his body, his piercing. 

Wow.

Had Thua always been so ... attractive?

It couldn't be. Kan wasn't really experiencing those feelings because of a piercing-why would that ever be the case.

It wouldn't have made any sense; it wasn't like Kan was attracted to Thua or anything. So what was the real explanation? The guy wondered internally as he continued to watch out of the corner of his eye as Thua, embarrassed, answered Namo's inappropriate questions. 

Even so, until that moment, he hadn't paid attention to an irrelevant detail. So irrelevant that it made his blood boil in his veins for some peculiar reason.

Ayan and Thua were holding hands. Their fingers were intertwined and their palms together. He also became aware of the sappy look Ayan was sending Thua. Heart-shaped eyes. 

Kan brought a hand to his chest, attempting to go unnoticed, and squeezed tightly. Trying to get rid of the burning discomfort he felt.

He proceeded to grab the glass from Akk's hands (who - by the way, was pondering in his own unhealthy thoughts while piercing Ayan's back with his two eyes), and swallowed it all in one gulp.

Akk, in full response, gave him an annoyed look and huffed, “'Why! Couldn't you just order one yourself?” The annoyed expression he made brought Kan back to his initial mood for a few seconds, and he almost spit the entire thing out in laughter. “You're sick,”his friend concluded, returning to whatever he was doing. 

“Do you guys want to dance?” Wat suggested after a while. Namo jumped up and threw himself into his arms. “'Yeah! Let's go!” His voice almost sounded tipsy despite the fact that he was only on his second drink but Kan didn't pay all that much attention to it.

His focus was once again fixed on one particular person, or rather, two. Ayan slowly tightened an arm around Thua's shoulders as if to give him a sense of comfort. “You guys can go ahead, Thua and I will have a few drinks first.”

Ayan then turned to the counter and whispered something to the guy in his embrace. Thua seemed almost relaxed in that situation, and Kan could only recall their past moments and the way Thua previously shared those expressions only when he was with him. He had never seen him so comfortable with anyone other than himself. 

“Kan? Aren’t you coming?” A hand brushed his shoulder to get his immediate attention. “I'll finish this and come” He glanced toward the glass on the small table, which was not even his, and Wat dropped it. 

In the meantime, he tentatively approached the pair of friends a few inches away to eavesdrop on whatever they were talking about; in the end, his goal was to find out what Ayan was up to ... right?

“Is everything all right?” He could read from Ayan's lips. Thua simply nodded, eyes half-closed as he tried whatever drink Ayan ordered for him.

“Drinking will help relieve you a little, but I insist. If you prefer to go home, don't hesitate to tell me,” Kan deciphered from his lips and what little he could hear over the loud music. Thua seemed to pause for a brief instant but then grinned at him. A radiant smile that nearly lit up the entire room. Kan felt a sudden pain in his chest. 

Okay. What was that.

“Were you able to hear anything?” Out of nowhere Akk appeared beside him, murmuring in his ear.

”No” He stepped further toward the bar area and noticed the absence of the two men; He then sighed defeatedly when he saw them heading toward the dance floor, possibly even closer than they were before. “Where are you going?”  Akk called him.

“If I want to make it through this whole thing, I really need a drink.”

Hips began to move on their own as his head floated from side to side. His brain was empty of all thoughts and he almost felt relieved of that initial anxious feeling he had as soon as he stepped into the place.

Ayan stood in front of him, his hands clasped on his hips as he grinned broadly at him, beaming. The lights reflected off his face, which was lightly tinted with a blue glow. Thua - for some unknown motive - felt the need to run a hand through his hair. 

The two moved together to the music. It was as if they were in their own private bubble. Next to them were Wat and Namo, jumping, both far too drunk to move like that. 

“Aye” Thua spoke. “Hmm?” Ayan, murmured, while keeping staring straight into his soul, making Thua struggle to speak for a second. “Akk has been staring at you for at least twenty minutes, I think you guys need to talk. Something is not right,” Thua saw him roll his eyes in annoyance.

”Let him be.”

He didn't know where that sudden courage came from either, maybe due to that one drink too much, but he reached a hand toward Ayan's head and ran his fingers through the strands of his hair.

He saw Ayan instantly close his eyes and almost heard the sound of purring from the way his body reacted, quite independently.  “Come on, maybe you can manage to work it out.” He tried one more time, bringing his lips close to his ear. His own voice lower than he remembered.

Ayan stared at him once more and after a while hummed in response. “I'm only doing this for you” And with that he gently kissed his forehead and left. 

Thua chuckled to himself, amused and at the same time holding a sense of pride realizing the power he got over someone. 

“Can I bother you?” He sensed someone's presence behind him and turned his head sharply in fright. The abrupt movement caused him slight pain, but the image standing there  made him completely forget it. 

Kan was there right in front of him, his shirt almost completely unbuttoned, his hair ruffled, and his lips redder than he recalled seeing a few hours earlier.

Thua's brain was completeky turned off by alcohol, which he was certainly not used to, and he reacted instinctively. Making a confused grimace. Eyebrows furrowed and nose wrinkled. This action made Kan chuckle. “May I ask the honor for a dance - with me.”

As much as a large percentage of alcohol could circulate in his system Thua was quite aware of how senseless and utopian that situation seemed. He was still trying to avoid Kan from the beginning of the night, and it seemed to him that Kan was trying to do the same. Until that moment. 

“Are you drunk?”

Kan chuckled again, showing off his adorable fangs.

“Maybe?” He placed his left hand toward the fellow and tried again.

“Would you still like to dance with me?”

Maybe.

Maybe Thua really had too much alcohol in his body, maybe he shouldn't have had that one drink too much.

Maybe he shouldn't have accepted. 

“I guess.”

Chapter Text

INCEPTION ♪

Kan had warm hands, Thua noticed.

Hands that stroked his back slowly, and from time to time made contact with his bare skin, due to the way Thua's top curled as he moved. His heart was about to explode, butterflies taking over his stomach, yet his mind was empty of all unnecessary concerns and thoughts for once. He could see, sense, and feel just Kan. Simply. His Kan.

The two of them moved to the rhythm of the music, getting carried away, pushed by the people around them. In their own world.

Kan moved closer and closer until his hands stopped right on Thua's hips, making their chests met.

Despite the very much loud music, it was easy for them to hear their breaths. Thua was so close to feeling his own breath catching in his throat.

The tension was palpable.

The whole thing didn’t seem real to him… Maybe Thua was actually dreaming. In that case, it wouldn’t be a surprise, it’s not the first time Thua finds himself doing that.

Kan brought his hand to the guy's face, pausing for a few seconds before resting it on his cheekbone and gently caressing it. Almost as if he was afraid to break him, as if he were made of porcelain.

Thua didn’t pull apart, his gaze firm, not even for a second. Fixed right in Kan’s eyes.

It was exactly like a thread was connecting the two of them, making them unable to escape wherever was happening. Kan's face was very much flushed, little red marks covering his whole neck, and it was evident he had been drinking, but Thua was no exception - his eyes looked sleepy while his head felt way too light.

Nonetheless, neither of them had the guts to move, too comfortable and too scared to break the pretty, shiny, crystal bubble that was developed around them as they danced together.

So they stayed just like that. Looking at each other's eyes and feeling emotions they never felt before. Warm. Everything felt way too warm. Maybe they really drank too much - as he was starting to sweat.

It was Thua, seized by a sudden wave of adrenaline, who made the first move. He raised his hand as well, tugging it away from the boy's shoulders and bringing it closer to his face. With two fingers he stroked Kan's face, slowly, taking his time to enjoy the moment. First brushing his cheeks, one by one, then moving to his forehead, his chin, proceeded upward and ran fingers through his hair, combing it back.

Although the situation, the action and the environment were exactly the same, the sentiments Thua felt were completely different from what occurred with Ayan.

He felt a tingling in his hands and a strange, different feeling in his chest.

Kan squinted his eyes, relaxing in the arms of his former friend, who seemed way too good with his hands. He looked like he already knew where to touch him and how to get every single reaction from the guy, even smiling proudly after getting the right spot and watching the other shake in surprise.

The latter sighed contentedly - but when Thua pulled his hand away for an instant, he acted instinctively, moving even closer to the guy, seeking for more touches, more warmth.

Thua observed him, amused. He never had the chance to discover that kind of side, which almost recalled the image of a child; craving attention. He wondered if Kan behaved that way with all his girlfriends as well.

Yeah. Girlfriends.

The two at that point were so close that it was impossible for Kan to get any closer. Only few centimeters of distance could be detected. Yet that wasn't enough for him. He longed for more; he needed it. It didn't matter if he was in a place full of strangers that could judge nor if his friends were watching them. He demanded that touch for just a little longer.

A single thought lived in his empty head.

What does he taste like?

So their noses touched. Their breathing synchronized as flames of fire were escaping from their longing stares. 

Closer.

Their legs crossed, one of Kan's between Thua's. Both could perceive the extreme closeness of the other.  Their whole bodies already on fire.

Closer-

Their lips slightly brushed against each other. Breaths getting now heavier. Both anticipating the next move anxiously. 

Closer; He had to-

Thua couldn’t believe his eyes when - unexpectedly - Kan's hand reached the back of his neck and firmly grabbed it, putting an end to any kind of space and thus bringing the two boys together in a kiss.

Thua's lips were soft, Kan thought, just as he had imagined them. He tasted like pinä colada, probably thanks to whatever Ayan made him drink. But that didn't bother him, at all. 

The kiss started rather slowly, different from every kiss Kan ever had during his experiences. Both took their time to savor each other, almost as if they were afraid of making a mistake. It was nerve-racking but peaceful at the same time. Their heartbeat accelerating each second more.

Kan rubbed two fingers down Thua's neck, sending a sequence of shivers right down his spine, while Thua kept his hands still in the boy's hair, stroking and pulling occasionally.

The music was a mere background. Thua could only perceive Kan's fingers on his neck, the warmth emanating from his body and his lips. His soft lips. Thua imagined them so many times he felt it was wrong, but it was all so different from what he had dreamed. Mostly because everything that was happening was the actual reality. That was really Kan and those were really his lips that were touching Thua's.

And it was Kan who had made the first move. That. That was what altered his brain.

He felt two fingers touch his chin and lower it slightly, just enough to make him part his lips and take the opportunity to stick his tongue inside. Thua let him do so and sighed in amazement when he sensed their tongues meeting for the first time. Kan leader the kiss firmly, sure of himself.

He tasted like some sort of alcohol, Thua could not exactly distinguish a precise substance as he did not have that much experience in that area. Regardless, it felt insanely good. The entire kiss was insanely good. 

But there was- more to that.

He kept on feeling a strange aftertaste of… strawberry?

Unusual. That's the first thing he thought, not expecting from a guy like Kan that type of flavor. Still, he wasn't in any position to judge. Why would he?

Nonetheless. The kiss did not stop, not for a beat. Thua's grip on Kan's hair grew stronger, and Kan's hands went down his entire back and arrived on Thua's stomach, passing under his shirt. Thua couldn't stop himself from feeling shivers all over his body, with how Kan kept scratching all his soft spots. First his neck, now his hips.

When Kan touched precisely Thua’s most ticklish spot (one of his biggest weaknesses and one that Kan himself was aware of thanks to their ticklish war in middle school) the boy chuckled, breaking the kiss for a second.

Kan, entertained by the situation, and completely lost in the way Thua's eyes lit up, brushed against him again. Starting to trace imaginary circles at that very spot. Thua kept giggling, moving closer to Kan and bringing their lips together. This time, however, took the lead. From the way he tilted Kan's head back, tugging at his hair slightly.

Kan was surprised by the sudden change of roles, but he did not mind, contrarily, he let the seemingly inexperienced (who actually wasn’t) boy guide him and let himself enjoy the moment. When the hand that was under Thua’s shirt went up - finally stopping the ticklish feeling - both of them moaned, startled by the contact. Kan was about to explode when he felt actual abs right under his palm, while Thua flinched due to the delicate area. 

It’s not like Kan thought Thua didn’t work out, but since he met him he never saw the guy exercise - even during P.E at school he always tried to escape the lesson. So- how did he get them? That was indeed new. He knew Thua liked playing sports from time to time but he didn’t expect him to build abs . He was starting to realize how Thua began to look like a complete stranger to him. Even his piercings were new, mostly the belly one.

He recalled, when they were in ninth grade, how Thua used to ramble about dreaming of getting piercings of all sorts and how cool they looked on his favorite artist. It was such an adorable sight: fourteen years old Thua showing to his best friend pics of pretty piercings he wished for. 

Suddenly - Thua bit his lip, and Kan almost let out a groan, causing Thua to chuckle again, delighted by his (ex) friend's reaction.

Kan was about to take his revenge when he heard a voice calling him in from afar. “Hey! Handsome boy, you forgot your phone.” The girl's voice immediately made him turn away from Thua, as if he had gotten an electro-shock. He immediately turned his head toward her and reached out to grab the phone.

The girl in response pulled him toward her and placed a kiss near his temple, almost on his lips. “You forgot that, too,” she added, laughing to herself, covering her wicked smile with her left hand.

Thua remained put. As if he had been frozen instantly. His eyes suddenly turned red - without his consent - and he almost felt like throwing up (Kan’s taste still in his mouth) when he met gaze with the girl, who winked at him, making him finally realize everything he should have realized well before.  

The messy hair might have been coincidence, but the unbuttoned shirt, the red lips, marks and ... the strawberry flavor.

He should have realised it sooner. He shouldn’t have let his own mask drop. He  fall right into the trap. 

That was not his Kan. And he never would have been. Kan would never change his mind about him; Was he testing Thua or what?

Before he could even think of how to get out of that situation his legs moved independently, running to the farthest place. Kan's voice called his name, but he did not turn around. He couldn't and shouldn’t. 

He just made a big mistake.

He ruined everything. Everything he had managed to achieve in the past months they hadn’t spoken to each other. He. He gave in so easily, it took him a few too many drinks. So weak. 

He. He had been deceived.

Fucking Kan, never changed. His effect on Thua never changed.

He found himself, without even actually noticing, in the club's bathroom. Locked in one of the stalls with his back against the dirty door. His heartbeat sped up and his breathing almost stopped.

What if Ayan saw them? How would he even explain it to him?

He’ll start hating him for sure.

Ayan knew about what happened with Kan. One evening, in one way or another, the matter came up, and Thua, though uncertain, encouraged by Ayan's comforting gaze, managed to explain the facts to him roughly.

Ayan was going to be so disappointed in him.

Hot tears flowed without his permission down his cheeks. The sobs grew louder and louder and occupied the entire bathroom.

It was all so embarrassing.

Why did he trust Kan?

Why did he even accept to dance with him? That didn't make sense. After everything that happened.

He wanted to disappear from the face of the earth once and for all.

He could not even open his eyes fully because of the tears and the blurred vision. With all the sobbing he was starting to get a headache. He gripped his head tightly, trying hard to plug his ears from all those negative thoughts that just before were far away from his brain.

“Thua? Are you here?”

That voice– it was Ayan.

When Kan woke up the next morning his head was pounding and he felt his own breath heavy. He barely managed to get out of bed, leaning his back against the mattress rail and putting weight on his arms. The phone, tossed between pillows, lit up, and Kan lazily grabbed it. The sudden glow made him squeeze his eyes repeatedly before he got used to it but eventually managed to read the screen clearly.

There were different types of notifications. Those from random youtube videos, from instagram directs and others from the various groups chats he was in. He opened the chat with Akk and Wat first, being the most recent one.

“Are you alive?” Wat asked, tagging Kan in the next text.

He was, indeed, unfortunately alive but couldn’t just remember anything about the previous evening. Especially how he had arrived at his home.

His question was answered shortly later. “Yesterday Akk and I had to accompany you in your car !! You made us take a cab back at four in the morning mate ! it’s not funny..”

It made sense.

“Thank you.” Merely replied, still too sleepy to elaborate a longer answer. Wat answered him with an emoji of the middle finger and Kan exited the chat, moving on to the next one.

The group-chat with the others from the night before. There weren’t many messages. Just one from Ayan warning them him and Thua were leaving, followed later by an “Okay” from Wat. It was sent at 2:30 in the morning.

Yet Wat had clearly told Kan he had dropped him off at his house by four o'clock. For what reason should the two have left earlier?

His brain wandered to the lowest places, speculating all kinds of possible scenarios. The discomfort in his chest took no time to return.

Enough.

He had to rinse his face; he was still too tired to think about whatever was happening to his body. Which now seemed to act without even the permission of his brain.

When the cold water collided against his sleepy face he gradually managed to recover - rubbing a small portion of soap between his hands and lathering his face with it. As soon as he felt his fingers come in contact with his cheeks, an odd feeling of warmth reached him.

Suddenly - an image appeared. As if a scene from the previous night was repeating itself right in front of him.

Thua.

Thua stood in front of him and held him close, stroking his hair, his neck, his cheeks, his lips.

Now– Was he going crazy? Or was his brain playing tricks on him?

Kan furiously shook his head and as if he were in an animated movie the little cloud with the image shot out.

He then resumed rubbing his face, the soap still right there, this time furiously. Trying to stop thinking about what he seems to have just seen.

Rinsing his face one last time with cold water, the guy stood still, starring at his reflection straight into the mirror.

Out of nowhere, Thua's figure occurred once again. So close to him.

Kan could feel the warmth of his presence just inches away. Distance that was bridged by a kiss. A slow, exhausting, gentle kiss. Initiated by Kan himself.

It couldn’ have been true. Right?

He was imagining it. He was dreaming it all.

But… Why would he?

That feeling seemed way too familiar to him. 

It was impossible, though. It hadn't really happened.

Thua was still in front of him, and this time he was smiling amusedly. No, he was chuckling almost mischievously. It had been so long since Kan had seen Thua smiling because of him.

Soon after that image disappeared and was replaced by another. It was Thua again, but his expression was cold, detached. His eyes were red and his mouth open in almost surprise. The Thua of his imagination, ran away and an instant pain reached Kan’s chest. Almost recalling what he felt at that moment.

What had he really done the day before?

He was dreaming. He was still tired and his brain was surely playing with him. That was the only plausible explanation.

“So.” The phone, which was resting on the nightstand beside the sink, lit up once again with a notification.

It was from Akk this time.

“What are you going to do with Thua?”

He saw white for a moment. Parts of the evening kept appearing in his head and forcing him to believe that all that had really happened. But it couldn't be. No...

Yet he remembered seeing, with his eyes on fire, Ayan and Thua dancing together. Clutching, touching and smiling at each other.

He remembered envying the way Thua smiled at Ayan, and he remembered all too well what the discomfort in his chest made him do.

He remembered making out with a random girl, straining - for some reason -  to delete the image of the two boys imprinted in his brain. He vented all his anger in that kiss, and when he saw that it didn't help at all, he let her go and quickly pulled away.

Then, noticing Ayan arguing with Akk, his gaze went over Thua, as he danced alone. And so, his instincts acted for him once again, finding himself a few minutes later in the boy's warm arms.

He remembered how emotions exploded in his body during that kiss and how this time his chest felt lighter. He could not stop smiling.

And unfortunately, he remembered the girl's voice calling him and Thua's disappointed face, which turned in a second into his usual cold expression he now reserved for Kan since what had happened between them.

Oh no.

It was true. It was all true.

The headache increased with all that remembering.

“You’ll talk to him, won't you?” Akk added.

Kan actually tried to use his brain to reflect on it.

Kan

“No, It would only make things worse.”

Akk

“Oh. So you remember.“

“I don't agree though. Not talking about it would make things worse between you, which are already not the best.”

Kan

“How come.

Aren’t you gonna ask me that question?”

Akk

“?”

“What question?”

"Ah”

“That one.”

“I don't really care tbh, I feel like it's more something you need to reflect about before you tell me."

Kan

“Did anyone else see us?”

Akk

“Ayan. He was beside me.”

Kan

“What about Wat and Namo?”

Akk

“Basically dead on the couch.”

Kan

“Alright. Gotta go.”

Akk

“Good luck.”

“Just.”

“Don’t be a dick, Thua’s a nice guy.”

Chapter Text

AFTER DARK ♪ 

Having to go to school on a Sunday morning to spend the day among professors and prefects after having his real first hangover is not exactly the ideal, or whatever Thua would have expected. One thing is clear. He certainly would have preferred staying at home in his bed under his comfortable blankets - possibly with Ayan hugging him tightly. Instead, he had to leave Ayan at his place (even though he insisted on accompanying him) and show up outside the school building promptly at eight o'clock. Because, as it had become clear by now, Thua was the school president and apparently he was supposed to be in charge of the school trip. “I don't understand why you decided to become the president. It's just a waste of time,” His stepfather scolded him in his usual angry tone as he kept his gaze steady on the mirror, busy parking outside the front gate. Thua let out a long sigh before nodding.

”I was chosen by the principal. I didn't have much choice.” He admitted. For once, that man actually had a point. No matter how much time passed, Thua could not bring himself to like the role he got, at all. There was just too much work for a single person; he couldn't figure out why there was no option to put in a vice-principal, or something like an assistant. He wasn't even a member of the prefects, why did he have to to all that, it’s not like he’ll get compensated for it or anything.  “Oh, I used to hate that old lady…” Grumbled the man beside him once again, and this time Thua really wanted to agree with him. There was no one in that school who could be more obnoxious than that woman; he was lucky she didn't show up often. 

“We’re here. Let your mother know the time you're coming back. And don't do any extra work, maybe, even try to hang around. You're too antisocial, do you even have any friends?” He began to speak, but by now out of habit Thua already plugged his ears imaginarily and tried to think of something else.

Yet when he mentioned the option of "going out" he could only remember one thing... He shut his eyes, frustrated.

Again there was no way he couldn't think about it.

When he opened them again, the car was gone. The entrance of the school open and no one was in front of it. Thua lightly slapped his face to pull himself together; the medication Ayan gave him to sober up hadn’t kicked in yet. He ran his hands over and over, rubbing them up and down his face, and then opened his lids wide.  Alright. He had to go. 

“How’re you doin’?” A voice was heard behind his back, the gate opened, and Wat's figure presented itself to him in all its sunshine. Well, sort of. He wore sunglasses in broad daylight and walked in an unusual manner. Thua did his best to smile back. “Not okay. I want to throw up.” Thua replied. Wat chuckled, scrutinizing the boy's moping expression. “I'd like to stop though.” The two cast a glance at each other and then eventually cracked up laughing. Thua's chest moved by a sudden feeling of warmth. It was so odd. It felt like he was starting to get closer to him, like he was slowly becoming Wat’s friend. Still, he was dreaming, wasn't he? 

In the meantime, Akk managed to join them, Thua wouldn’t have noticed his presence if Wat didn’t jump- scared by the sudden appearance . “Why do you have to be so quiet, dude!”

He looked the best put together of the three. Thua, for a fact, didn’t remember seeing him drink even a single drop the night before. “Kan is going to take a while. He didn't feel like driving.” Akk shot a suspicious glance toward Thua after he spoke, while Wat nodded unimpressed. “I expected that, he was completely gone yesterday.” The latter retorted, “By the way, had anything happened last night? You and Ayan left early” Wat genuinely asked as Akk's gaze rushed to read Thua's expression once more. He couldn't have possibly forgotten what had happened between him and Kan, right? 

“I think I drank too much and got sick. I don't remember much though” 

Akk internally groaned at how good Thua was at keeping such a convincing poker face, not even an edge of emotion, such as surprise, remorse, sadness. Nothing. His eyes were almost fixed in Wat's and his look was downright undecipherable. “I wonder why we prefects are required to show up at all these briefings,” whispered the guy bored, lifting his sunglasses up to hold them firm in his hair, showing the huge dark circles underneath them. Akk, who had managed to hear him nonetheless, answered him in a completely serious tone. “Because it's our job.” Wat snorted in response. “And ‘cause if we don't show up we'll get points deducted from our profile, that's why Kan is forced to show up even though he's probably looking like a walking dead man.” He fell silent and then squared his friend down. “... I mean, like you.” The guy didn’t even have the strength to fight back, he merely hissed to himself, “Ugh, asshole.”

“Hmm. Sorry, but -considering the time- I think I should get going,” Thua, put down his phone in his backpack, trying to get as polite as possible. “Just, I don't think I'm in the exactly right shape to be lectured by Prof. Chadok.” Wat removed his glasses from his hair, chuckling, surely condescending to the situation. “Don’t worry. I'll come with you- Wait for Kan, won't you?”Akk nodded and the two left him alone. 

Thua had been asleep for too few hours and awake for even less to think stably and throughly. His brain was literally on fire like one of those Spongebob memes, and he wasn't even kidding. He really felt like he had a huge fire inside his head and so many little him were trying to escape, causing chaos. Chaos. That was exactly what he felt. Scenes from the previous night kept replaying in his mind and he really couldn't stand it anymore. How could he? When Kan was just under two meters away from him, sitting on the opposite side of the table.

He had to make sure that the expenses for the field trip were correct and that all classes were included, yet his brain was not even trying to help. The image of Kan lips so close to his face kept bothering him. He really was in way under too much distress. “How many classes are there in total Thua?” Professor Sani, calculated the approximate payment on a piece of paper. Thua suddenly went into a blur.

How many were there? The field trip included only the senior classes, but not all of them had agreed to participate, so ... eight? Or perhaps it was actually seven. “Um” He couldn't dare to make a mistake, or they would have to start with the whole thing all over again. It would have been a mess and they were going to take it out on him, he had to- He had to remember.  “It’s eight, Prof." Akk answered instead, sharing a comforting smile. Thua felt relieved for a few seconds, grateful for the support.  He could not believe he missed something like that.

It was all his fault. Goddamn Kan.

Oh, how he was beginning to hate the guy. It was starting to become way too difficult to know what was on his mind, since he would say one thing and then act the opposite. He had been ignoring him for nearly years. Probably soon after he finished primary school (Prathom) and they were now in the last year of secondary school (Mattayom). Such a long time had passed for Thua, time in which he was all by himself, while Kan was spending it with his new friends. While Thua, on the other hand, did nothing but get teased and bullied. For him those years were a hell of a time, and then Kan does what. He kisses him. Unbelievable. He just couldn’t accept such a thing, unable to understand the reason behind it.

He blamed himself for falling for it, for letting himself go, for drinking too much. He hated even more the possibility that Kan had could have acted solely due to alcohol and that he couldn't remember anything. Thua badly needed to talk about it and clear everything up once and for all.

Just why? Why had he started to ignore him and why was he now trying to get somewhat closer. Yet. Despite the reason Thua promised himself he wouldn’t forgive him, he made him suffer in such a way that his pain would not allow him to let go. The previous night had brought back in him all the feelings he had been trying to hide, to bury. But, now, he would never be able to go back. Everything was ruined. Everything was screwed. Everything. 

Nonetheless, despite his heartfelt desire for a face-to-face, when Kan had crossed the doorway Thua still rolled his back and did his best not to meet his gaze. Alarmed. But - of what exactly? Sometimes he failed to understand even himself.

“The date is confirmed for the end of August, one month from now, and the trip will last one week. If you have any more questions please feel free to contact Thua, who will distribute the documents that need to be filled out.” Professor Sani smiled at the classroom full of prefects -and Thua- and left without glancing back. Of course, it was Thua's turn to do everything else, such as tidying up the whole classroom.

The rest of the teachers joined her shortly after, leaving Thua to distribute the row of papers to the classes’ presidents or the prefects who had come on their behalf. Thua kept the rest of the papers for his own class and headed for the computer, turning it off.  He just had to clean everything up and then he would be able to go home for good. The pain in his head was crushing him.

The sound of a chair being dragged drew his attention. Wat was setting up the chairs scattered around the room, which was now empty- the only ones there were the two of them and Akk who was discussing something with Kan at the opposite of the room. “You don't have to. Go rest, I'll take care of it.” As always after all. “Stop it. We'll get on with it faster if there's more of us.” Wat completely ignored him and continued to tidy up, while Akk made his way to the table, arranging the markers and various used sheets there. Kan, on the other hand, remained seated, lying in a position that seemed somewhat uncomfortable, his shirt unbuttoned at the first few buttons -having gotten rid of the extra ones as soon as the professors had left the classroom- and his eyes half-closed. He looked really tired. Not like Thua cared.

As Thua helped Wat with the chairs, he looked around. They were done. “Thank you, again. You didn't have to.” They both smiled at him. The light merged Thua’s face, a calm atmosphere could be felt inside the room. “I'll start heading out. See you tomorrow,” Wat crossed the doorway, his glasses laid on his nose.

Thua returned the greeting distractedly as he headed off to collect the papers he was supposed to distribute to his class the next day. All he wanted to do was leave and finally go home. He couldn't take it anymore. 

And yet. Yet, as soon as he turned around the door of the room was closed and Kan stood magically a few feet away from him. Frozen. He was huffing something in a low voice, but Thua could not grasp exactly what. Pretty sure he overheard Akk being mentioned, followed by several curses. 

The two proceeded to look right into each other's eyes, and Thua, annoyed by the other's silence, raised an eyebrow- questioning him the reason for all that. Kan tried to at least open his mouth, more than one time, but failed. 

The wind was blowing fiercely through the window, and Thua's headache was only getting worse. What exactly was he trying to do? Did he possibly wanted to talk about whatever occurred. Like, right then. At that very moment? 

He didn't seem quite certain about it though, it could be seen by how his head bowed downward and by the continuous gulps he released between silences. 

Thua's eyes were steady on the curtain moving back and forth, shifted by the strength of the wind. He waited. And waited. But nothing happened. Nothing at all.

So, he grew tired and decided to put a stop to that rather awkward situation. 

He walked to the door - passing Kan, not even affording him a glance - and turned the handle several times. No matter what, the door wouldn’t open. “'Akk did it.” Finally, after what seemed like hours, Kan managed to open his mouth and talk. Thua didn’t look so delighted, though; on the contrary, he glanced at him with a hint of irritation. Perhaps, not just a hint.

“He told me to talk to you” So that's what it was then. He wanted to talk about the night before.

Being forced to by Akk, however, had him unsure about the way he should have reacted. That also made him realize that the guy may have known about the kiss or even worse, he could have seen them.

Either way.

They had to talk.

Thua chuckled to himself as he turned toward Kan's increasingly distant figure. He seemed afraid. He looked like a different person. Seeing him appear so insecure was odd. 

“You're welcome then. I'm all ears.” Kan almost jumped on the spot from the cold tone of the boy in front of him.

And to think that this was actually the first real conversation the two had had since they had abruptly separated. Quite an image. “Yesterday.” He began, Thua nodded, signaling him to continue with a flick of his chin.

“As for yesterday..” He couldn't find the right words, he couldn’t find any words at all. After all, how could he? It also meant to admit out loud to the whole world and to himself that what had happened the day before was actually true. That the two of them did kiss, for real.

Yet, Kan was straight, and sure of that. Why would he?

“We kissed.”

It was Thua who spoke, exhausted from waiting any longer. He made a vow to himself that he'd deal with it, and no matter how much Kan didn't have the courage to, he needed to wrap things up and leave. Kan widened his eyes, somewhat surprised to hear those words aloud, from Thua, who apparently remembered everything. Everything. Even ... the girl's appearance. Thua's eyes were impatient and Kan still couldn't find the words. “Hm... about that.” Kan played with his finger as his head looked down the whole time. He felt like the class was going to shrink and ate him up.

“It was a mistake. I confused you with someone else.”

Thua's jaw dropped wide open - in total disbelief at the words that had reached his ears. He kind of wanted to laugh.

“I...I. I'm straight, I don't really know what happened yesterday. Maybe- Yes. I drank too much, that must have been it. I don't know why I would ever kiss a guy- why I would ever kiss you.” The emphasis on the last word brought a sting to Thua’s heart to which he couldn’t escape. Still, he tried to mask it with a sarcastic chuckle. “I can't deny it was a mistake. For both of us. But, I doubt you could have mistaken me for someone else” Thua read Kan's expression and found himself, for once, not comprehending what it referred to. Was he, by any chance, angry? Annoyed?

“No. I drank too much, I definitely mistook you for someone else,” he insisted. “Kan, we've known each other for six years-” Thua wasn’t trying to exaggerate but that really didn’t make sense. Not after everything they did that night and mostly- felt.

“Stop it. Just stop. I already told you what happened” Kan’s tone suddenly rose. The teen clenched his hands into two fists and Thua felt scared for a moment. Not recognising his old friend. 

Alright, It was none of Thua's business. 

Whether Kan refused to accept their kiss or what his sexual orientation was was none of his concern. “Sure. Are we done?” He asked, fed up with the talking.

“Just. Don't talk to anyone about it. Okay?” Despite how much the words affected him, Thua almost felt sorry for him at the moment; his hands were shaking and his eyes were glossy. Kan probably needed to dwell on it and it wasn’t going to be easy, Thua could understand that more than anyone else.

“Of course, I won't.” Kan sighed in relief. “Let me be clear, it's something I wouldn’t do either way. I wouldn't brag about kissing you in the slightest.”

For some reason after that Kan felt a twinge in his chest. “I see.” And due to his reaction, Thua almost regretted he'd mentioned it. Almost. Everything he has ever done to him stopped him from being able to.

The curiosity was tearing him apart. 

He'd spent so much time thinking about him and what happened between the two of them and still- he couldn't find an answer.

Maybe. Maybe, he would just have to spit it out just now. Besides, for that matter, it’s not like the two would ever speak again. So why not?

“Kan.” The way Thua pronounced his name was so different. It flowed so naturally. His tone was firm, but Kan almost broke into a smile. Why did he have that effect on him?

“Yeah”

“Can I.” Oh. That was going to be harder then expected. Kan raised his head up. “Can I ask you a question?” Thua no longer appeared so confident. His mask was slowly disappearing, and he was powerless to prevent it. This was ones of Thua's biggest weaknesses. It made him feel vulnerable. 

Kan agreed, both intrigued and yet scared at the same time.

Were they really going to talk about that?

“Why”

It didn't sound like a question.

He didn't even need to go on; they both understood each other all too well. A tremble shook Thua’s voice. All the time he had spent feeling bad about himself flashed through his mind. “W-What are you talking about?” Kan was not ready for that conversation - and never would be.

Thua mustered up the courage to look up, as his gaze was set on the floor, very much intended on observing his shoes, and approached Kan. He needed to glance into Kan's eyes, for one last time, to figure out how he felt- how sincere he was. Kan's heart raced from one moment to the next. It became too much for him. “Kan.” He was quivering with fear. “Kan. Look at me” Two hands rested under his chin and their eyes met. But Kan, he couldn't. He just- couldn't. “Why?” Thua's eyes were really beautiful. Wide, dark and full of decisive feelings. He wanted to lose himself in them. Thua's hand was still under his chin, and Kan could not look away, but neither could he speak. “Please. Just tell me why.” He sounded so saddened, both his voice and expression. He appeared so vulnerable. Kan himself had never experienced his friend looking so real to anyone else before. For a moment he felt he was going to break down in tears. If so, It wouldn’t hold up much longer. “I ... after you came out ... couldn't stay in the same room as you anymore…”

He probably shouldn't have put it that way. 

“Ah.”

Stupid. That's what Thua thought. He had been so foolish to think that all those times Kan had stood up for him was because he accepted the way he was. Thua had never felt so incredibly dumb. “I didn't come out, Kan. They outed me without my consent.”

How he wished it never had happened. He could have spared himself all those insults, threats, violence. And now, what he reputed to be his best friend wasn't proving to be so different from all those people. He wanted to cry, though he also wanted to scream in anger. 

“If I disgusted you so much then why did you kiss me?” 

“No, Thua you don't disgust me- and I already told you it wasn't like that.” Kan found himself at a loss; he was only making things worse. “Stop lying to yourself! We weren't so drunk to the point that we couldn't tell who was in front of us. Face it.”

“I.. No. No.”

“I’m exhausted, really. I have been suffering so much because of you. It's because of you and your stupid actions, I can't take it any longer.” Kan had never really thought about the effect of his actions. About how they could have influenced Thua so much. Kan-he hadn't thought about the boy's feelings at all.

“Thua…”

However, it was too late; Thua was already about to step through the door, that opened with ease. Which meant, Akk was gone.

“I'm sorry.”

“It was all my fault, I was selfish. I cared only for my own sake and not thought of yours. Ever since that rumor about you began to spread. False voices about us, about me,  kept going on and on. And on and on and on... I couldn't take it anymore.”

He didn't even know if Thua was still in the room but he kept talking, he had to vent and get it all out. He never had, not out loud.

“I thought the solution was to get away from you. That by doing it, the rumors would eventually stop. And it actually did…”

Kan didn't know what to say anymore. 

He was alone. 

“And was it worth it?” Thua's voice boomed in his head.  “What?” The teen's shadow was visible just beyond the doorway.

He had heard it all. Kan was starting to shiver, again. “Was it worth it? Losing the rest.” Thua seemed genuinely curious about the answer. After all, he had been wondering about it for years now. Yet he expected that once he knew the truth he would probably react differently, would at the very least get angry. He waited all that time, “No.”

“But Thua, I simply couldn't go back and I also couldn't let those rumors come back...I'm sorry.”

“If it is like you claim. Then why have you been trying to get close to me again lately. Do you think I haven't noticed? I know you all too well, yet I can't figure you out.” The boy's shadow was slowly being exchanged for the actual body figure. “Ayan.”

“Ay- Ayan?”  He was not expecting this one. What did Ayan even have to do with this anyway.

“Ever since you guys got close, I noticed how easy it was for him to ignore those rumors. To act so confidently with you. I thought I...I could try that too. I know, I'm stupid.”

And once again, Thua stood speechless. “I know It’s too late.” Without a word. Just. How could he.

“You-I hate you.”

It hurt. Oh if it did. To hear those words, especially from Thua. But Kan knew he had it coming, that’s probably why he didn’t want to have that conversation.

“I hate you so much. And I hate your damn miscommunication problems even more!”

What?

“Why couldn't you talk to me about it!? I would've respected your choices. We wouldn't have seen each other at school, but we could have kept seeing each other outside. You acted without even confronting me. Kan. There's two of us in this friendship, you should have talked about it, not just come to a conclusion on your own.... Do you know how much you made me suffer? I thought I had done something! I thought you hated me!” Thua's breathing grew heavier and heavier, and the words began to split, due to tears. Tears of pain. Tears of anger. Tears of happiness. 

“Thua…” A whisper. Gentle, sad, worried.

Sigh.

“No! Don't call me like that. Fuck it. Fuck. I hate you so much... and I hate me the most for wanting to forgive you... but I just can't! Not after everything you put me through. Not after what happened yesterday..” This was arguably the first time that Thua raised his voice to Kan, that he insulted him. “Thua…” He really did hate to see him in that condition, still, he had no right to comfort him. “Shut up! I hate you so much.” The sobs became more and more persistent and it was obvious he was running out of breath.

The school president let his body pull him to the floor, allowing himself to sit up. He couldn't believe it, he was actually letting Kan see him like that. Just ... How much further down he could go. 

“Hey...it's okay. Just breathe.” Kan's hands stroked Thua's back. It looked like Thua was about to have a panic attack. Kan- he did not know he was suffering from them. “Don't- don't touch me.” But his breathing grew calmer and calmer. “I'll take you home.” Thua instantly perked up and saw Kan's face a few inches from his own, leaning down to match his height. Kan grabbed the end of his shirt and wiped away the boy's tears with it. Very gently. 

“Let's go.”

Chapter Text

NOT MINE ♪

The walk to the school exit was awkward, to say the least. A nagging silence reigned between the two guys, while the tension was so obvious that it could be cut with a pair of scissors.

Thua didn’t have the strength to turn down the prefect's offer, yet his subconscious kept notifying him that it was wrong, that he had to leave, that he would not last even another second next to the person who made him suffer that much, especially not in the state he was. Despite all that, Thua was still aware that the two of them had much more to talk about and things to clear up.

The school gate could start to be seen behind the branches of the tree they were passing, along with that Thua also managed to notice a car parked a few meters away, which gave off a somewhat familiar vibe. “Thua…” Kan distracted him, opening his mouth for the first time since they had left the classroom -  not counting the various embarrassed sighs and occasional glances. His tone was a little higher than a whisper, while his gaze was directed toward the floor. Thua muttered something under his breath before responding with an approving nod, as if to suggest he could go on, that he was indeed listening. After all, they were alone; who else could listen to him other than Thua? The school was desolate on a Sunday morning, leaving out the guardians who were occupied with closing it.

As the two arrived near the entrance gate Kan finally went on, and Thua nearly went into apnea from the breath he was holding. He could take no more of that tension. “Why don't you come to my house? My parents are out of town, so we can take the opportunity to talk.”

No.

That was the first thought that crossed his mind. It would have been too much. Too many steps in too little time. He didn't trust himself, not after what had happened the night before. No. That was what he wanted to answer. I need time to think. He should have said. Yet. Yet, as usual, when it came to Kan, Thua was weak.  “...Alright” He surrendered the instant he saw the eyes of the boy in front of him brighten with hope. Hope that Thua would likely destroy, or at least he should.

Kan made to approach Thua and grab his arm to lead the way when suddenly the sound of a horn intervened. Almost on purpose. Thua, startled by the unexpected noise, jumped and moved away from Kan by instinct, while the latter automatically retracted his hand. “Thua! I'm here!” Ayan's head popped out of the car window, smiling eyes pointing right at Thua, nearly making him blush. He waved his right hand vigorously while with the other he continued to use the horn.

“We've got it! I'm coming!” Puffed Thua when Ayan did not stop messing around, procuring a look from Kan, who was watching the scene in astonishment. Everything seemed to be going right ... until Ayan. It was always him. Ruining everything. 

“Wait here. I'll go there for a moment and tell him to go home, he’s probably here to pick me up." Thua forced a smile and tried to improve whatever he looked like at that moment, combing his hair with his hands and rubbing his eyes, so as not to instantly give the impression that he had cried a few minutes earlier on the school’s floor.

It didn't work. “What happened!” Ayan tried to whisper but Kan heard him loud and clear (given the proximity between the car and the gate). Thua shushed him with a finger. “We…” He tried to say, but he felt far too exposed, so he moved closer to his friend. Their faces are inches apart. Ayan read the situation and moved Thua's face so that the only thing Kan would be able to see would be the back of his head. “We-we talked about it.” Ayan's eyes went wide in disbelief, and still with his hands on the boy's face he smiled at him. He immediately understood what his friend was referring to. “Well ... isn't that a good thing?” Thua arched an eyebrow and puffed out his cheeks. “I guess. It's harder than it looks.” Ayan nodded, stroking his cheeks gently. “I don't know what you talked about but you should know that forgiving him is not your duty. Your past, and current, feelings are valid; just do what makes you comfortable.” A smile appeared on Thua's lips, this time more genuine. Ayan had the ability to always make him comfortable, he knew he didn't have to act when he was with him.

“Come on, get on, I'll take you home.”

Silence.

Thua didn’t move.

“Um... as for that. Aye, you don't know how grateful I am that you came…” Ayan showed a confused expression, not knowing what that unusual introduction meant. “The thing is… Kan asked me to go to his house.” He whispered in such a low voice that Ayan almost didn't hear him. “I know, I should have refused! But I didn't feel like it, we still have so much to talk about.” All he was doing was blurting out excuses, and he was aware of that too, but it was too late to turn back now. He still felt guilty about making Ayan come all that way to pick him up when he surely had other things to do.

When he finally stopped talking - alone - Ayan had a chance to speak. “Then both of you get on, I'll give you a ride.” He chuckled at the other’s face and kissed his forehead with pure adoration in his eyes. Thua blushed instantly and hid his face in his hands. He should’ve expected that sort of reaction from the guy but his mind couldn't just not overthink for once. 

“Kan! Yes, you. Come, I'll give you guys a ride.” Ayan shouted smoothly, as Kan approached uncertainly. “Why does he look so grumpy” Thua heard Ayan whisper, making him laugh. 

Thua sat in the passenger seat beside Ayan while Kan sat in the back.

The ride was rather awkward for the trio, especially for Kan who couldn't help but notice the way the two in front of him were exchanging sappy glances and small smiles. It was getting on his nerves, but fortunately his pride didn't allow him to unfurl his mouth. He didn't even know why seeing them that close to each other made him feel so mad. He felt the need to separate them every single time.  Even before, when they were so close that it almost came across they were kissing, something in him wanted them to stop. It felt wrong. He felt wrong. 

And that's how he spent the short car ride in quietness as the two lovebirds chatted. Meanwhile, Kan imagined himself banging his head against a wall.

“It's here, right?” Ayan's voice made him realize they arrived.

Thua, then, preceding Kan, bobbed his head. That made the homeowner smile slightly, recalling the way the two used to see each other daily – even for the smallest reasons. Thua, in fact, used to have his own mug placed on the shelf, right next to Kan’s. Witnessing Thua come back to his house was such an unusual sight, but Kan could not help but be glad to have him back with him there.

Just as the two got out of the vehicle, Kan's phone lit up, revealing a message from Akk. “Enjoy the moment and don't think with your brain, just follow your instincts.” At that moment he simply rolled his eyes at the banality of the sentence. He then looked up from his cell phone and saw Thua waving to his friend with a smile plastered on his face.

That. That was a genuine smile, that was the smile that brought a feeling of warmth to Kan's chest. That was the smile that for some reason he felt he wanted to have all to himself.

“Shall we go?”

Thua hadn't visited Kan's house for a long time now but it didn't appear so different from what he remembered. The arrangement of the furniture was likely the same, a big sofa with an even bigger Tv, followed by an open kitchen. However, something new must be the paintings. Given the well known social status of the family, Thua implied - as he looked at the new artwork hanging above the dining table - that what looked like an unusual union of geometric shapes would probably cost a capital. “Well. Make yourself at home” Kan chuckled, pointing to the sofa - signaling for him to take a seat.

It was obvious.

They dragged the tension that had been building at school all the way into Kan’s house. Thua was starting to get tired of it, he let out a long sigh.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” Kan asked when simultaneously Thua said, “About our discussion....”

The exchange was followed by a dead silence and a slight chuckle from Kan, who could not help but try to break the tension. Failing completely. Thua, however, nodded at the request, shortly following his ex-friend's movements out with the corner of his eyes. “It's been a while since you've been here…” Kan brought the glass closer to Thua and their fingers brushed against each other. While they couldn't even make eye contact. A shiver ran through both boys against their will. “Yeah... I wonder why” Suddenly the water in the glass seemed the most interesting thing Thua had ever seen because he just could not look away from it, afraid to run into the other's eyes - which would certainly make him vulnerable.

He had to be cold-blooded and think logically. He couldn’t afford to take decisions he would regret later (for example, in the shower: when he would recapitulate his days and reason about the things he had done, regretting every word that came out of his mouth).

“I want to be honest with you." Suddenly, the braver of the two, spoke.

Kan, who had been trying to sit beside Thua on the sofa, straightened up, taken aback. He, too, was trying to reason out what to do, but he was still in the midst of his inner dialogue when he heard the boy speak. His eyes wavered across the room, from the lamp to the television, until he managed to stop on Thua's face. Tired. But somehow always radiant.

"I'm not going to forgive you."

Kan should have expected this. Yet his heart still stopped in his throat for some reason.

He really shouldn’t have built up all those expectations just because the guy had agreed to follow him to his house. He should have expected such a reaction- especially after his past behavior. He was aware of that. Yet he could only hope.

Kan brought two hands to cover his eyes; he could not afford to let Thua see him crying, because that was likely to happen in a few minutes, not after what he had gone through because of him. He was a hypocrite.

“At least not for now.”

The alarm bell in his brain went off and the clouds occupying his brain diminished for a moment. Almost seeing a glimmer of light. He couldn't believe his ears.

“I don't know how long it will take. Maybe a week, a month, or even years. But now that I know your reasons, I can't help but try.” Thua was sure he saw the eyes of the boy in front of him light up, glistening with happiness. “But I'm not promising anything. I've been hurt because of you, and I don't know how long it will be before I forget everything.” Kan nodded again and smiled softly. “I understand. Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me.”

“Just know that I'm not doing this only for you. I like Akk and Wat, I can't stop talking to them because of you. I don't even know how long our hanging out together as a group will continue, however, while we're at it, it wouldn't make sense to avoid each other.”

As long as Thua was willing to talk to him again, Kan did not care about the reasons. 

“I think I make myself clear when I say that us two talking again does not mean that I have forgiven you and that we are friends.”

“Gotcha.”

An impish silence followed between the two once again.

“Don't you have anything to say?” Thua suggested, looking in Kan’s direction with an arched eyebrow. 

The other didn't respond for a while.

“You think you’re ready to talk to me in front of other people again?” 

That. That surely was a problem that concerned both of them. Was Kan ready? And how would Thua respond if he wasn't? 

“If you’re not, you can just tell me. I’ll try not to be near you when I see a lot of students.” Thua offered with a tiny smile on his lips and Kan felt like crying for real. How could someone be so kind? Even to the person who hurted him like that. 

“Thank you, but you don’t have to. I’ll do my best so we can start acting as we used to.” 

It was impossible, they both knew, nevertheless, nobody added anything, nor corrected the declaration. Thua did not know what else to say, and Kan had gotten more than he bargained for.

“Shall we watch a movie now?” Hence asked the homeowner, hastily raising the TV remote control.

“I don't see why not.” It was the last thing Thua said before the movie began.

Even the choice of genre was awkward. Watching a romantic movie would have been weird in the situation they were in, Thua hated horror films, and Kan was not fond of fantasy. They decided to opt for animation by exclusion. Despite the long time that compromised the decision, neither of them at the end of the story was interested in what was appearing on television, too aware of the other's presence – just inches away.

Thua gathered all his willpower not to get up and run away at the exact moment Kan, as he was shifting to adjust his position on the sofa, placed his hand on his own. At first, it looked like Kan didn't notice, so Thua - to not appear so phased by such a small thing - decided to act as nothing happened, standing still and holding his breath. When he felt his lungs were almost going to burst he decided to discreetly slip his hand from the grip, but that only brought Kan even closer.

Now their shoulders were touching.

Thua breathed in slowly through his nose and out through his mouth. Everything was fine. It was just Kan, they used to hug and cuddle when they were younger, it was nothing strange to touch each other like that. He had to remember Ayan's words. "Only do what makes you feel comfortable." If whatever was happening at that moment would make him uncomfortable he could safely leave.

So, Thua closed his eyes, the movie had now become a mere background (he didn't even know what it was about) and tried to remember what he and Ayan usually did during a movie night - since at times like that Thua was always at peace with himself. He… he could afford to try and do the same. 

But

Ayan was his friend and Kan wasn't. So.. Why should he? 

On the other side of the couch Thua didn't notice the way Kan's shoulder stiffened and with it his entire body. Blocking his breathing as well. He opened and closed his lips like a fish out of water because of the sudden proximity that left him dumbfounded. He tried to convince himself that it was nothing so shocking, that they just weren’t used to touch each other anymore. But, even if that was the case, why would Kan's heart beat so much just because he brushed against the shoulder of an (almost)friend.

It didn't make sense. He couldn't understand.

Understand why at that moment Thua's hair seemed so soft to him that he wanted to caress it, his face so calm and relaxed that he wanted to take it in his hands and hold it. Why did he feel the need to hold him in his arms and admire him until he grew tired? To look at his long lashes, his flushed cheeks, and full lips.

All that made no sense.

Maybe … there would never come a time when he could consider Thua as a friend. Just a friend.

Chapter Text

REFLECTIONS ♪

"Guys! Gather everyone, Thua will now distribute the keys to each room." The English teacher, Sani, announced, addressing the herd of screaming teenagers. The teens, dispersed throughout the huge hotel on Phuket Island, ran to the teacher's call. Within seconds, a huge circle formed around Thua, who witnessed the situation in exasperation. They had just arrived and he already felt stressed about the situation, he didn't even know if he could manage to last for a week, and-honestly-he was hoping not to.

The only thing that cheered him up was the absence of Professor Chadok and the first-year students, for a variety of valid reasons. "There are gonna be five people per room, I’ll now distribute the keys to the representatives of each group" A low murmur was heard, followed by Thua finally announcing the names. Gradually the people started disappearing, leaving the school president with a total of nine people in front of him. "Thua! Could you do me a favor?" Earth, one of his classmates and soon to be-roommate approached him. "Go on." He answered, tired and ready to accept whatever it was at that point of the day (10 a.m.). "Since First couldn't make it, one room is gonna be of five people and the other of four. Right?" Thua nodded, not understanding where that proposal was going, although it wasn’t that hard to read the room. "Can I move to the room of four?" 

"Sure. I don't see where’s the problem in that."

At the sound of approval the boy triumphed and ran away, but before he could leave with the keys someone else disturbed him. "I’d like to stay in the same room with Earth. Can't I change?" Earth's best friend, Type interfered. By that time - Thua's head was not so far away from exploding. He just wanted to lie down somewhere, even a chair, anything could help him at that moment. He hadn't slept more than one hour due to all the things he was supposed to be taking care of as the school president, and on top of that the boat ride to the island had made him pretty nauseous. "It wouldn't make sense, then you'd be five again." He told him, slowly massaging his temples, the student in response huffed, and Thua immediately tried to lift his mood up.

Suddenly, a hero shows up. 

"Me, Wat and Kan can switch rooms so that you two can be together and be four at the same time. Would you like that?" Akk proposed, shooting a beaming thirty-two-tooth smile at them. And – believe Thua when he says he had never felt such attraction to a guy in his life before. He looked at Akk with almost teary eyes and thanked the heavens for sending him that man; it was times like those that it felt like he had an assistant. Everyone nodded in satisfaction, with the exception of Ayan who had fallen asleep in a lounge chair. Everything was fine, till Thua reached out his hand to give his group the keys and realized where the trap was. Literally. 

He was supposed to stay a whole week in the same room with Kan, who at that moment was smiling happily as he chatted with Wat. What did he have to smile about? Wasn’t he trying to avoid him less than a month ago? How could he even act normal about something like that. Thua’s feelings for him were still there, repressed - but there. Yes, some time passed since their talk but Thua still had no intention of officially forgiving the boy; he planned to leave him on his toes for as long as he liked.

  Obviously there were moments when the two had to exchange words, or even jokes, yet Thua had intentionally given him the feeling that things were back to normal, only to detach or ignore him at times. It might have been considered childish behavior, but after all, didn't he deserve it? 

 He huffed resignedly and approached Ayan, shaking his shoulders slightly. "Let's go to the room." He muttered with his brain now completely turned off. Ayan opened one eye at a time and wrapped two hands around Thua's waist, resting his head on his belly. "You take me." Thua melted into the embrace and stroked his friend's head naturally. "I'm tired, Aye." Ayan's grip came off his hips, and standing up, he reached his neck. The head rested this time in the corner between the shoulder and the neck. "You're right. I'm sorry I didn't stay awake with you while you took care of the preparations." The tone he used was so low that if Thua didn’t know his anecdotes he probably wouldn’t manage to catch it. "Don't worry, I wouldn't have made you do it anyway." Thua stroked his hair again, keeping his eyes closed. 

"I'll take your suitcase to your room, Thua!" Kan appeared behind him, startling Ayan, who jumped on the spot. Thua rolled his eyes, not impressed. "You don't have to, I'm coming." The two dissolved their embrace and reluctantly walked toward the elevator.

Since they had "cleared things up," Kan started to act almost like the old times; like when they were younger. The only difference was Kan’s sudden moment of kindness towards Thua that sometimes really got on Thua's nerves. It seemed unnatural and made him uncomfortable most of the time. This was one of them.

"I'll do it." He insisted, dragging along two suitcases, one of which was his. Thua looked at him with a hint of exasperation but let him do it. There was no point in retorting, in cases like that it was not going to work, he got used. "How kind of you, dude, why don't you bring mine too?" Wat teased him, also heading with Akk toward the elevator. Kan raised his middle finger and smiled wryly.

"We don't all fit in here." Akk observed, referring to the elevator and the weight limit. Kan was already inside while the remaining four looked at each other waiting for someone to come to the front. "Ayan, I need to talk to you, why don't you wait with me and Wat here for a moment?" Akk was the first to speak after a long awkward silence. "You two can go ahead." He shrugged off toward the door and then pulled Ayan away by the arm, not even giving him time to counter - leaving Thua alone with Kan.  

Thua slipped the keys out of his pants pocket and joined Kan inside. "We are on the third floor." Kan nodded and they both pressed the key, pulling their fingers away quickly afterward. As if electrocuted. Another silence followed. "Later… Alone. Can I talk to you about something?" Kan let out as soon as the elevator doors opened. "Sure. Why not." Thua passed him and led the way to the room, opening the door with the pair of keys.

Suppalo was a private school and that wasn’t their first school trip, so the budget did not exactly surprise them.The room was practically a whole ass suite with a large window that lit up the room, a view of the sea, a small kitchen, two bathrooms -both with bathtubs- a huge closet and no less than three beds arranged in the middle. Two doubles and a sofa bed placed horizontally in front of a television.

 A sigh of surprise escaped Thua's mouth as he looked around in wonder. He was really hoping to spend most of the trip there. He hated going and visit places like a tourist. When he goes on vacation he likes to sleep and takes walks alone, with no one guiding him.  "I’ll sleep here!" Kan hastened to say, throwing himself headfirst onto the bed on the side of the wall. The sheets flapped everywhere and his body sank between the covers. Thua smiled slightly at the scene and nodded. "I guess Ayan and I will sleep in this then." Thua yawned, lying on his back on the mattress, and his eyes closed automatically as soon as they made contact with the soft fabric. He heard some kind of mumbling coming from Kan's side but it was too late because he was already falling into a heavy sleep. 

When he opened his eyes his head was bursting and he could feel his whole body sweating. He could barely look around properly; he had forgotten to take off his lenses and so his eyes were dry and foggy. He fumbled his hand up the bed, looking for his phone but couldn't find anything. His fingers sensed a mass at his left side and moving them he realized it was indeed someone lying beside him. Thua assumed it was Ayan so he paid no attention, letting his hand rest on his chest. "Are you awake?" Someone spoke beside him, at a close distance, but in fact that voice was not Ayan's. "Thua?" The voice spoke again, and Thua was able to associate it with an actual  person. His head snapped toward the body on which his hand was resting and he really hoped he saw something wrong when he encountered Kan’s body.  

Kan, who was lying beside him on a bed, and Thua who had his hand resting on his stomach. He immediately withdrew his hand and looked around once more, as if wondering if he was dreaming. There was no one in the room but the two of them. "Hmm, how do you feel?” Kan asked casually, raising his head to look at his face and make eye contact, as if it was not at all strange that the two of them were in the same bed for no apparent reason. "What time is it? And why are you ... here?" Thua ran a hand through his hair to try to fix it. Kan adjusted his position, finding himself shoulder to shoulder with the boy beside him, and lifted the phone to him, showing him the time. Five o'clock in the afternoon. Thua's face relaxed, heaving a sigh of relief. As it was the first day, they had nothing planned, but dinner was starting by nine o'clock and he was supposed to meet with the professors shortly before to discuss the week's activities. "Ayan wanted the bed by the wall and you had already fallen asleep so I moved over here to let him stay." Thua arched an eyebrow, suspicious of the comment but didn’t stop on it. He grabbed the backpack beside the bed and opened it, slipping a box of headache tablets from the inside pocket. "Would you like some water?" He did not even have time to completely finish the sentence that he swallowed the pill all-together. Kan stared at him in amazement. "Where are the others?" 

"They went out for a walk."

Thua's legs moved on their own to the bathroom, where he washed his face fiercely, trying somehow to make the pain in his head go away. It did not work, but he did get all his hair wet - which he shoved backwards. The water spread all over his clothes. "Thua?” Kan called from the other side of the door, voice huffled, and the guy simply hummed in response. “I got you a sandwich since you didn’t have lunch.”

“Thanks.”

Thua felt a cool sensation as the water went slowly down his back. He sighed happily.

“Do you want to do something? Maybe we can go to the beach. I also need to talk to you about that thing." Kan's talked again - which made Thua open his eyes, sending an approving mumble in response. He then shed his shirt, now completely wet, and faced the mirror. With his hands he combed his hair back as he carefully observed his reflection. He could see the black dark circles right under his eyes and how tired his face obviously was. Remembering he still had his lenses on, he reached out two fingers to the pupil and tried with difficulty to remove them -now completely dry. After taking them out he struggled to focus, and so, still shirtless, he stunned out of the bathroom. 

Kan's face the instant he saw Thua walk through the door was absolutely immaculate. His nostrils flared, his eyes wandering everywhere, and his mouth ajar. Thua wet hair exposed his forehead area, which was a hairstyle Kan had never, unfortunately, had the chance to see on him. 

However, the main point of the whole sudden sweating and blushing was the fact that Thua was actually shirtless in front of him. In the same room as him. And - Real. He unashamedly squared his body and immediately felt the blood boil in his veins, his face redden. Thua walked toward the bed slowly, as if trying to be cautious. He stretched his hands forward, and Kan began to assume he needed his glasses.

Thua did not realize he had already reached the end of the bed and tripped over it, falling on top of it. Or rather, falling on top of Kan. "Auch." It was the only thing he said after the fall. Kan freezed, trying his best, using all his will to not to drop his gaze downward. Just on Thua’s surprisingly sculpted wet abdomen. Their faces were inches apart, and a feeling of dejavu invaded (of course without their permission)  their minds. "Can you hand me my glasses? They're on the nightstand." 

By the time they reached the beach it was already six o'clock, no sign of their friends, or for that matter anyone in general. The beach was completely empty, the wind moved the palm trees and the sea was rarely calm. Thua took a long breath, admiring the scenery and enjoying the feeling of peace and silence. The two boys approached the seashore, touching the cold water with the soles of their feet. Thua saw Kan wince slightly at the contact and tried to cover the smile that was about to appear on his own lips. "So. What did you want to talk to me about?" Kan's back suddenly stiffened at hearing the other speak, his hands suddenly beginning to fiddle with the lace of his pants. Thua looked at the scene suspiciously. "It's about ... me." The wind ruffled his hair, strands covered the boy's eyes, and Thua was tempted to reach out a hand to fix it. "I don't know how to say it." He continued and Thua incited him with his eyes.

“You- how did you know you were gay?" Kan's eyes froze and the regret in it was evident. "I'm sorry- I shouldn't have. Sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Thua, contrary to what he had expected, smiled at him. A genuine, sweet, kind smile. It was a smile of someone who understood what he was feeling, of someone who was willing to help. "First year of middle school. My father brought home a guy who worked with him. I, basically fell in love with him. I swear my mom still teases me with how I was always trying to get his attention. It was from that moment that I started to understand why I never liked any girl before."

There was a moment of silence before Kan tried to speak again, and Thua did not pressure him. He waited until he was ready. "Was it hard to accept it?" He asked, voice feeble and unsure. Thua smiled again, looking toward the waves and showing his side profile. "Yes. But then I realized that nothing in the world would have change it, so I learned to live with it. It's not easy, and it's different for everyone." Kan looked at him, at his immense beauty, and smiled.

"I ... think I'm bisexual." He spoke softly, turning his gaze downward. But Thua heard him loud and clear. He reached out a hand toward Kan's and clasped it between his own. "I am proud of you." Kan looked up and immediately lost himself in the other's eyes. Eyes full of love, eyes that would never judge him. "Thank you for telling me Kan, you have to be proud to have come this far."

Honey voice,

Angel face.

He wanted to hold him in his hands.

“I don't know if I'm ready to tell others. All I know is that I'm sure I'm attracted to a man right now and I'm comfortable with that." With time his tone became more and more confident, along with that, his posture as well. "I'm really happy for you. Just know I’ll always be here for you if you need help, and of course you don’t have to tell them. Take your time."

Two arms tightened around his sides and much, much, warmth flooded his chest. He had never felt so, so comfortable before. He reciprocated the squeeze and let Thua rest his head on the crack of his neck.

After the whole period of denial, anger, and exhaustion, he felt that he had freed himself from all his problems just with that single hug. He knew his parents would never accept him, but knowing there was at least someone who did. To know that there was someone who would support him along his journey and stand by him, made him emotional. And so, without even his permission, tears rolled down his cheeks.  "Thank you. Really- thank you a lot." 

Thua pulled away, loosening the embrace. His hands reached Kan's face and cupped it, caressing his cheeks and wiping away the tears. His hair was dragged by the wind in an unnatural way - almost magical. Kan couldn’t describe in words his beauty, he just felt like… Thua whole appearance embodied the song Reflections by The Neighbourhood.

Thua smiled, making his whole face lit up and the world…stopped. At that moment, when his face was practically on fire, his legs had turned to jelly and he had an odd sensation in his stomach, Kan thought Thua was the most enchanting person he had ever seen. And that he did like him. A lot.

Chapter Text

เอาเลยมั้ย (เพลงประกอบซีรีส์ “Only Friends“) ♪

The day after the talk with Thua, Kan's mind was much clearer and calmer. He felt more comfortable with himself, but at the same time, he could not help thinking about Thua.

About his face, his voice, and his warmth. 

"Ai'Thua?" Wat, as if reading his mind, called Thua from above his single bed. He had his legs crossed and his phone in his left hand, probably reading some chats. Thua answered him distractedly; he was in the bathroom - freshly out of the shower. Kan stretched his head to catch a glimpse of him, since the door was open, and immediately regretted it. He found his cheeks on fire again due to the boy’s wet hair and bare chest. "I just read the message you sent on the trip group chat. We actually have the night off?" Thua rubbed his hair with a towel, small drops of water flew everywhere, and he quickly faced out the doorframe. "Yeah. Do you guys want to do anything in particular?"

Wat lifted an arm to the air in happiness, and Ayan ran toward Thua, abandoning the bed and plunging all the blankets into Akk's face - who huffed annoyed. "I found a great beach club. Shall we go there?" Ayan's pupils magically widened and his low lip came out, he had perfected his begging expression and Kan bet no one could resist to that lovestruck puppy face. Thua stroked his hair with one hand and nodded, "Do you want to come too?" He then added, referring to the trio of friends. 

It was no longer so odd to hang out together for them, it had happened so many times that it often came out natural to take their presence for granted. But Thua still felt unsure about their bond, were they some kind of group of friends? Or were they simply hanging out together for some excuse ... like Akk's strange obsession with constantly finding out what Ayan was up to. 

The boys nodded and within an hour all six of them were ready –Namo had joined them, again, without invitation– and out the club.

The guys looked around bewildered and slowly, as a group, moved toward the entrance. The place was huge, two giant pools were smartly positioned next to a bar area, and then there were lots and lots of hammocks - whatever space you moved into.

The time at which they had arrived was perfect, the sunset reflected beautifully on the clear water of the sea, and the wind was strong enough to shift the leaves of the plants but not to spoil the atmosphere. 

Ayan arrived in their direction with two hands full of colorful drinks and handed one to Thua, a smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy. "I love this place." He said, breathing in the fresh air and closing his eyes, enjoying the moment as best he could.

Kan did the same, and when he opened his eyes Thua was right in front of him. "How are you doing?" He asked, looking slightly worried, yet Kan could not resist and focused on his lips as he bit down on the drink straw. With his gaze still fixed on the boy's lips, he nodded, "Good. I feel so relieved after yesterday." Thua smiled at him once more, and Kan felt his heart leave and then re-enter his chest.

Still as he was smiling at him, someone came up behind Thua's back, two hands gripped his hips, without the slightest presence of consent, causing the boy to turn away from the stranger - turning away quickly. "Hi, sweetheart. What’s your name?" The man asked, squaring Thua from head to toe. He looked no younger than thirty, with a  tall physique and build-up. Kan, on instinct, took a step forward.

Thua, who did not seem at all frightened by the circumstances, wearing his usual inemotive expression, contrary to any expectation, smiled at him. He dared to smile at the man, and Kan found himself jealous for a moment - well aware that whoever that person was could never have deserved - even in light years - that precious smile. "I’m Thua, and not interested, thank you."

The person did not seem to want to let go, as he rested one of his hands on the boy's shoulder, looking rather threatening. "Oh, Nong Thua. You’re so cute, aren't you? Why don't you come with me first? I assure you, I’ll change your mind." Thua shook his hand away, his eyes still as cold as before, while the sweet smile on his face was now about to turn into a grin.

"Do you even know what ‘No’ means?" Kan, stopped in the conversation, but he was not the only one. The rest of the guys had lined up behind Thua, all of them sending dirty looks at the stranger.

It wasn’t going to take much for Ayan to burst out and jump on him, surprisingly, it was Akk who held his arm steady - not wanting him to get hurt.

"What do you want now? Don't tell me you're his boyfriend?" He replied in reaction, arching an eyebrow. Kan opened his mouth, but Ayan beat him to it, "He doesn't need to be his boyfriend to explain human decency to you, honey. If a person says no to you, respect him. Is that clear?" The man grinned under his mustache. "God. This is becoming ridiculous. Who do you think you are? Why don’t you join us then, hmm?" 

"Why doesn't your ugly face join my fist firsy instead?" Akk intervened this time, Wat and Namo looked at him shocked. The stranger shifted his gaze to Akk, and after squaring him, he laughed at himself. "Who are you kidding?"

On the other side of the place two guards were watching the scene, ready to intervene at any moment, until:  “Guards! There's a man here bothering our friend, help us!" Namo shouted at the top of his lungs, causing the man to take a hit, who in less than a second ran away.

Everyone took a sigh of relief, and - “I swear I was about to beat the shit out of him.” - laughed.

"Come with me."

Before he could even process the words, Thua was dragged away, toward the sea, and his feet made contact with the cold sand. Kan catched in his sight of view a hammock and rushed to it, pulling Thua with him, who ended up overflowing a few drops of liquid from the glass. The two looked at each other and laughed.

Their legs and arms touched, but neither felt like walking away. They were in public, they could have met someone from their school at any moment but Kan did not care. At that moment, the only thing that really mattered to him was seeing the boy at his side smile.

Without a second thought he stretched out his arm, feigning a yawn, and stretched it over Thua's shoulder - who burst out laughing. "That's such a cliché." He said between laughs, but did nothing to pull away. In fact, it seemed to Kan that he had almost moved a few inches closer.

"You know..." Kan began to speak after a moment of silence. Thua turned toward him, immediately meeting the other's eyes and making eye contact. Something in Kan's stomach began to burn. "I don't think I've seen anyone as beautiful as you." The words escaped his mouth, without a hint of a filter, and turned directly into the blush on Thua's cheeks. "Stop it, you're lying." Kan opened his mouth wide, his eyes bulging out of their sockets as he pretended to cry.

"No. It's true. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen." Thua still did not seem convinced, which only made the boy continue.

"What is there not to believe?”

“First of all, your eyes are so beautiful that I could stare at them for hours." Kan's hand reached toward Thua's face, stopping just inches from Thua's eyelashes.

"Not to mention your eyelashes, every time I see them I think how unfair it is that you are so privileged that you look like something out of a storybook." The hand moved, stopping on his cheeks. Thua remained still, his face now on fire. "Your cheeks, your smile and your hair look like they were designed for a Disney character- I swear, you look like a fairy.”

“Shall I continue?"

Thua did not answer, he just opened his lips slightly, but no sound came out.

“Don't get me started on your lips- they're so...perfect. I can't stop staring at them! Do you know how hard it is to live with that?" Kan’s fingers rested right on his lower lip, and Thua's pupils widened, filled with desire.

"Can I...kiss you?" Kan's voice was low, inaudible. His eyes didn't dare to turn away from his target, and his body was now like a magnet, only drawing closer to Thua's.

“You're not drunk." It was not a question, Thua was pondering over it, yet Kan answered.

“No. I want this. You don't know since how long." Kan's breathing was getting heavier and heavier, and Thua was slipping from his position, resting his back on the hammock.

“So. What are you waiting for? Kiss me."

Kan did not let it be repeated twice.

He slipped a hand under Thua's neck, and lay down beside him in the hammock.

He looked him straight in the eyes and then, smiling, leaned in and kissed him gently. Such an innate kindness that even Kan himself did not know where it came from. Thua immediately melted at the contact and let himself be carried away by the moment, parting his lips and letting Kan's tongue taste him.

Kan took complete possession of the situation and conducted the kiss with absolute desire and quivering.

Thua's hands combed Kan's hair, while Kan's hands roamed the boy's body with haste. They reached Thua's stomach and caressed every single area they could, stopping to play with the small piercing in his belly – which only helped increase the flow of blood that was going straight into the crotch of Kan's pants. The physical contact had no different result with Thua, who found himself in an unhinged union of sighs and moans.

Both of their hands tingled, wanting to touch and touch again, while their brains were turned off.

“You look beautiful.” 

Thua smiled at Kan's words, and the redness on his lips joined with that on his cheeks.

Kan's shirt now had no buttons buttoned while Thua's top was all curled up.

The two looked at each other and smiled, resuming kissing shortly thereafter. This series of kisses was different, gentler, messy in a way. At times the teeth flapped against each other because of their smiles, and at others the lips were bitten playfully. 

"I like you Thua, so much."

Thua still remembered how warm, and hoarse Kan's voice had been at that moment. As his eyes shone, the stars lit up the sky, and the slight breeze of cold brought him closer to the boy's warm body.

"I like you, too, Kan. I've always."