Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Hey, you, uh... you got a second?" Alex looked down to where Julie was sitting with a book in her lap, clearly turning the pages but taking nothing in.

At his words Julie let out a sigh and looked at him for such a brief moment that you would have missed it if you weren't looking for it before she rolled her eyes and looked away once again. The anxiety that always seemed to hang around quickly grew into panic and shot down his spine once he realised that she was making a point of ignoring him.

“Julie?” He tried again and pushed the feeling down, this did not need to happen right now, Julie was not his parents, this was fine, Alex is fine. When it was clear he wasn't going to get a response from her, Alex turned to Reggie, trying to see if the other boy had noticed her reaction as well.

“Oh my Gosh, she can't see us anymore!”

Obviously, he had not. Alex looked back at Julie before turning to face Reggie again, wrapping his arms around himself and grasping at the sleeves of his jacket in a pathetic attempt to stave off the panic that already had him in a chokehold.

“Reggie, she's not- I can't- fuck Reg..."

Julie's head snapped up in shock at the curse word and realisation dawned on Reggie's face at how desperate Alex sounded, he cursed under his breath and reached out just as Alex stumbled backwards out of his reach, tripping over his feet in a rush to put distance between him and Julie.

“I’m so sorry, I’m-” His breath caught in his throat, submerging him deep into the unforgiving flashbacks. Alex's hand reached up to tug at the collar of his shirt, nails scratching at his throat in his haste, and he poofed out before either Reggie or Julie could utter another word.

"What was that?" Julie stood up to face Reggie, concern lacing her tone.

"You can't... you can't do that to Alex, Julie. You can't just pretend he doesn't exist like that." The way that Reggie's features had twisted into that kicked puppy look made Julie's heart ache. "His parents used to do that after he-" He cut himself off. "Never-mind, but please Julie... Don't do that again, not to him."

Before Julie could even open her mouth to respond, Reggie had poofed out, presumably to go and find Alex. She sat heavily on the couch and rested her head in her hands, wishing she could stop the tears trailing down her cheeks.

-

Alex landed in the loft of the studio, grateful that in this state his brain still managed to recognise his safe space and take him there. He immediately collapsed to the ground, pushing himself up against the wall and bringing his legs up to curl into himself. Maybe if he took up less space he could disappear entirely, he wouldn't be such a hassle for Julie and the boys to deal with.

He let out another sob at the thought, all his past and present memories blurring into one and he couldn't separate his parent's abuse from his current situation. His hands flew up to grasp at his collar once more as if that would allow him to breathe easier.

Black spots clouded his vision as his body finally process the lack of oxygen. Not that he actually needed oxygen, he thought bitterly through the fog. This was all in his head, Alex knew this, yet his brain still wouldn't quite get the message. Nothing was getting through, he was stuck in his room at his parent's house and all he knew was that he had to get out. One of his hands let go of his shirt to involuntarily hit at his head, only he didn't get very far when someone else caught his hand in theirs and held it firmly.

At this point Alex was so far gone he barely even registered the bassist's presence, crying out and straining against whatever was holding him back, frantically trying to get away. "No no no no, get off me, please I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" a mess of apologies spilled from Alex's lips as he tried to curl tighter in on himself, his body automatically trying to to protect itself from the blow that was never going to come.

"Alex!" Reggie desperately called out to him, over and over, trying to bring the drummer back to reality. "Come on, man! Come back, it's okay. It's just me, Reggie. There's no one else here. You're safe, you're safe Lex. Come back." He pleaded, cupping Alex's face with one hand and keeping his hand in his own. He pulled it close to him and rested it against his chest, using it to ground himself just as much as it was for Alex. He didn't know how much time passed until Alex finally came back to himself just enough for Reggie to get through to him. Reggie moved from sitting in front of Alex so that he was beside him, pulling the blonde into his lap, their hands still clasped together in a vice grip as Reggie took in deep breaths for Alex to follow as he lay there.

The fight eventually left Alex and he slumped completely in Reggie's arms, startling the other boy at first into thinking he had passed out, but at a closer look the brunette could tell he was just exhausted from the attack. The two of them stayed in that position, Alex soaking up the comfort that Reggie readily provided as he ran his fingers through soft blonde hair and never let them fall into silence, which Alex appreciated more than he could ever put into words.

Alex was somewhere between states of consciousness when he heard Luke poof back into the studio and Reggie call out quietly to let the guitarist know where they were. Not even a second later Alex felt the weight of another person joining the cuddle pile and didn't even have to open his eyes to know Luke had wrapped his arms protectively around them both. "What happened?" Luke asked quietly and Alex felt the soft vibrations of Reggie's explanation as he finally allowed himself to drift off, knowing he was safe here, with his boys at his side.

Chapter Text

When Alex awoke he found himself cocooned in the soft blankets that were kept in the loft, replacing the familiar weight of his boys. Mild panic thrummed in his chest as his brain became more aware until he heard the tell-tale signs of Luke and Reggie trying to be quiet down in the studio.

With the knowledge that the two were still close by he let his eyes fall shut again, focussing on the low tones of the boy's voices downstairs to drown out his still racing thoughts. He thought how this feeling would usually have passed by now, especially after he had slept, but he couldn't ignore the heaviness that weighed him down like a ton of bricks.

Memories of the failed talk with Julie earlier flooded back in and he couldn't shake the horrifying look of hurt she held as he had flinched back to get away from her. He did that, he put that look there and the guilt consumed him wholly for it.

Despite his best efforts Alex felt hot tears dripping down his face even as he squeezed his eyes tighter and tighter, to the point he could hear the blood rushing in his ears and he was sure he would have a headache later. He didn't deserve to feel upset like this after how he had made Julie feel, how could he be so selfish? He curled into a ball, hugging the blanket closer in a desperate attempt to soothe himself. Alex knew if he just called out that Luke and Reggie would be there in a nonexistent heartbeat but in that moment he truly believed he didn't deserve their comfort.

It took not even 30 seconds before his body betrayed him and he let out a sob loud enough that the two boys downstairs quietened immediately, sharing a concerned glance before Luke took Reggie's hand and poofed them both up into the loft.

"Alex?" Luke knelt beside the drummer, lacing his fingers through his hair gently and using his other hand to pry the blanket away from Alex's face. His own expression dropped at the pain blatantly written across the boy's features, hand moving to caress the soft skin of his cheek and encouraging Alex to release the tension he was holding.

"Hey sunshine, can you look at me?"

The only response Luke was given was Alex curling even tighter in on himself, which Reggie took as his cue to pull the blonde into his lap and hold him firmly in his arms.

"Okay, that's okay Lex, whatever's happening in that head of yours, I promise you're okay." Luke spoke softly, taking Alex's space on the mattress and sharing the weight with Reggie so that Alex was draped across the two of them. The silence that consumed them was welcome as the two guitarists wrapped Alex in their embraces, whispering sweet nothings as he calmed himself down.

"I'm s-"

"If the rest of that sentence starts with 's' and ends with 'orry' you better stop that right now" Reggie chastised gently before Alex could even get the word out. "You have nothing to be sorry for Lexi, nothing at all."

Alex let out a huff that sounded suspiciously like a laugh mixed with a sob and Reggie pressed a kiss to the side of his head in reassurance.

"I just.. need to-"

"Alex?" Julie's timid voice sounded from the hatch in front of them and shocked Alex into sitting bolt upright, almost knocking Luke over in the process.

"Jules..? Julie I'm sorry, I am so sorry, I didn't- I never meant-" He tripped over the words in his haste to get them out, if he just just let Julie know that it was all him, none of it was her fault then maybe she wouldn't be mad at him anymore, maybe things would be okay.

Apparently he said as much out loud because the look on Julie's face morphed into something akin to distraught once again.

"Alex no, this was never- it was never your fault and I promise I'm not mad at you, I was never mad at you and I'm so sorry for doing that to you earlier I should've known better but I need you to know that that will never ever happen again, I understand if you need some space right now but I just needed you to know. I'm sorry." Julie's eyes were red with tears as she turned to leave the loft again, but before she could even make it to the ladder she felt the warm weight of forgiveness in Alex's arms, and she found herself turning around and clutching at the soft fabric of his hoodie, letting the tears flow free.

"I love you, Julie" Alex whispered into her hair, feeling her burrow ever closer into his chest.

"I love you too, so much Lexi." Came her soft reply.

The two stayed in each other's embrace until Alex looked up from where he had buried his face in Julie's shoulder and silently beckoned his boys over to join them, finally registering the awed looks on their faces and realising that he was holding Julie. He was holding Julie! He let the excitement simmer for a moment before Luke and Reggie came bounding over.

Only when they wrapped their arms around the pair, they still sunk through Julie like nothing had changed.

Alex couldn't hold back his giggle at Reggie's offended expression. "Hey, no fair! I wanna hug Julie too." The younger boy pouted as he pulled back from the impromptu cuddle pile.

"Sucks, man. Guess I'll just have to hug her extra." He bickered back and forth with his two boys, never once letting Julie out of his newfound hold. The singer happily accepted, staying cuddled as close to her brother as she could, content to stay in his arms for as long as he'd let her.