Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If Jinx had the option, she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t be shifting awkwardly in a too big of an outfit, picking at the pencil skirt that awkwardly hung well below her knees.  Nor rolling her shoulders in the stupid too stiff button down whose sleeves are also too long for her, covering her hands in a juvenile way. Thank you Caitlyn for the most embarrassing outfit known to existence, and thank you to Vi for forcing her to go to this stupid ass reunion. Jinx had just joked about it. Made a comment in passing about how she didn’t have anything to wear to it, which was why she wasn’t going to go. Next thing she knew, there was Caitlyn’s clothes on the guest bed and Jinx suddenly felt too guilty for bringing the clothes back and telling the tall woman she wasn’t going to go. Curse her for suddenly having a conscience. 

So, there she was, shifting her feet in the well worn boots she always wore, looking around the gymnasium that made her feel like a teenager again. There was a banner written in a blocked script welcoming back her class, the lettering feeling too happy and bright for the mood that Jinx was in as anxiety crawled its way up her throat. She hated it here. Hated it back when she had to go to school, hated most of the people in her class, most of all, it reminded her how much she hated herself. She still kind of did, but therapy could only work so well in that department. How she wished that she had burned this room to the ground like she wanted to. Curse the bitch who stopped her. 

Picking at her fingers through the too long sleeves, Jinx looked at the people who were apparently once her classmates. She’ll be honest, she didn’t remember half of them, barely acknowledged them even, having just decided she didn’t like most of them one day and kept it there. Badges were pinned to everyone’s shirts announcing their names to alleviate the memory fog that cast over the populace eventually when it came to schooling. However, Jinx’s name wasn’t right. It was her birth certificate name, a name that she only allowed select people to use. It was probably in high school when she did start going by Jinx. Apparently they were just doing names based on the yearbook. Yippee. 

‘Powder’ crudely announced herself in the same bold lettering as the banner, written in dark blue ink. Seeing the name on the table when she had first arrived almost made her leave immediately. The only reason she held back was because the last thing she wanted was for Vi to have to turn around again to pick her up. Some things just never changed, and apparently Vi carpooling her to and from school was one of them. Being back in her hometown really just placed her back in the role of being babied by her big sister, even though she had told her that she would just get an Uber. She was 28 years old for fuck’s sake. She didn’t need her sister driving her to her high school reunion. Jinx didn’t even want to be here. Didn’t want to see these people, didn’t want to risk seeing him .

It's what kept her alert at this function to begin with. Her eyes were peeled to make sure that she didn’t run into him, that she wasn’t caught slipping and suddenly he was talking to her about his perfect life. A flash of a memory went before her eyes as she was greeted with the sound of distant laughter, them dancing together at prom night just as two friends would, goofily showing each other their moves before their eyes suddenly meet and–

Jinx shook her head. No. She wouldn’t think of that night. This fucking room brought back those memories too well and she wished she brought something to light this cursed place on fire, but then again, the people in the room held her back. Damn, what happened to her? She lost her edge. 

She watched as people danced with one another on the dance floor, or mingled off to the side, holding a glass of punch that was knowingly spiked this time. Laughter filled her ears as the DJ turned up the song that was playing overhead. Jinx didn’t really know it. Apparently it played at prom, but she couldn’t recall the tune to it. Someone had spiked the punch that night and she drank way too much of it. She remembered her whole night, unfortunately, but she couldn’t remember the damn song. Maybe if it was a song she actually knew she would feel inclined to dance, but that would also mean putting herself at risk of being caught off-guard. It also wasn’t like anyone seemed too eager to talk to her. In the twenty or so minutes she was here, the only look she got was of confusion from her classmates as they tried to place her in their memory bank. That was until she saw a light go off in their heads and then steer clear of her because her reputation really made people want to talk to her. So why in fuck was she here again?

Why did she even joke around with going in the first place? Acting like she actually had friends at the school aside from the one she burned the bridge to. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that people were wary of her. She was and still is a bit unsettling with her too big of eyes and too pale of skin. The looks she would give people in the hallways almost made her classify herself as a wolf girl, but even they were more endearing than she was. 

Vi seemed too eager to let her go as well. So maybe she didn’t want to deal with her stupid baby sister for a night and instead go on a date with her super hot wife. Not like she couldn’t take Caitlyn out on a date any day of the week, and it wasn’t like Jinx saw her sister all that often anyway. Maybe one week for the year if it isn’t a holiday, even then, it was iffy since she hated being back in her hometown. Everything about it made her skin crawl and made her be on edge as she worried who she would bump into here. Always had to have eyes in the back of her head in case of a quick retreat. 

A boisterous sound caught her attention, and her head swiveled to see the commotion. A group had huddled near the front of the gym and the murmurs around her were getting excited. An icy pit started to form in Jinx’s belly and she tried to quell it. It could be anyone at the entrance of the gym. He probably wasn’t even coming to this stupid reunion since they both made fun of them when they were in high school. There was absolutely no way that it could be him. She was fine. She didn’t need to call Vi to pick her up. If anything, she could hide out in the girls locker room until the end of the reunion to make sure she was safe. If they didn’t lock the upper windows in there, she could probably sneak out. 

A cold rush washed over her as the huddle broke up and revealed a man with white dreads in the middle. A man with the most dazzling smile in the world that still made her knees buckle at the sight of it. Another flash of memory, they were together, clumsily tearing clothes off of each other behind the bleachers, a warm mouth on her neck as she hummed out an approving response, bending her neck back so he could get more of her skin as panted moans soared through her lips, her body burning–

Snap out of it. Jinx shook herself from out of her daze, feeling her body tense up by just knowing he was there, and fuck shit dammit shit face. In her moment of freaking out, they suddenly locked eyes with each other. And fuck , the way his eyes lit up once he saw her, shock was in his eyes before they melted into something softer, sweeter, and please no. He whispered something to the group around him before making his way over to her, a smug smile on his features, and nope! Jinx was not going to do this. Without a second thought, she hightailed it to the girls locker room, weaving in and out of people in hopes of him losing sight of her during her mad dash. Jinx would not be doing this tonight. Not after everything that had happened. She wasn’t ready for that conversation. She doesn’t think she would ever be ready for that conversation. 

Jinx slammed into the girls locker room, startling a few of the women who were already in there as they took a look at the out of breath woman breaking in and immediately going into a stall to have a near breakdown. Yet another flash of memory before her eyes, this time she’s holding a little test with the worst news she could receive at her age of 18. She felt the shame wash over her all over again as she put her head in her hands and tried to level out her breathing. He never knew anyway. She never told him. To him, she was only a quick fling, something to get out of his system before getting together with who he really wanted. 

Sliding down the stall door, Jinx could only think about how stupid she was to have come here in the first place. She knew about the risk of seeing him here, they were in the same graduating class afterall. Dammit, she’s so stupid. Maybe she could escape through the locker windows. It would be so much better than being on guard the rest of the night in an effort to avoid the sheer mortification of her getting stopped by him and the outpour of questions. Why did she stop replying to his texts? Why wasn’t she available to hangout anymore? Why did she just ghost him like she did? She no longer posted on social media (all of high school social media was deleted, and her new stuff were locked and private), she skipped town to go to a different college than she had initially said she was going to. All because he was going to that college and she couldn’t bear to see him after that. She thanked her lucky stars that she was accepted to two schools, so she just went with her backup. 

Jesus, she could be back at Vi’s place right now eating ice cream on her couch and streaming her favorite shows right now. How did she even find out about this reunion? Well, Vi got a little letter in the mail addressed to her announcing the 10 year anniversary of their graduation, and cordially inviting her to go. Jinx had been kidding when she said to check yes to go. Apparently, Caitlyn didn’t understand that and really did check yes as her RSVP. Damn her for forgetting that Caitlyn doesn’t understand some jokes. 

This was easily fixable. All she had to do was check Uber fares right now, and then plan her way of attack in getting out of this bathroom without being caught. The window was definitely the first option. If that fails, well, hopefully she can sneak out through crouching low and going fast to the front doors, all while not being caught. Yeah, she’ll be fine, she’ll be back at Vi’s place in an hour or so, dependent on her escape plan, in her pajamas and eating her damn peppermint ice cream with Barbie as Rapunzel on in the background. It was life’s simple pleasures. 

“Is there someone named…uhhh, what was the name again? Jinx? Is there someone named Jinx in here?” A feminine voice called out into the bathroom. Jinx’s head perked up and she had to clamp her hand over her mouth to keep from letting out any noise. “Ekko’s looking for a girl named Jinx.”

There was a murmur of voices saying no and just being confused in general. Okay, so no one really knew her name. Probably only knew her as Powder and that was only because of roll-call. Ekko was the only one who called her Jinx in school, and that was because she made him. She would refuse to answer him whenever he called her Powder until he finally just gave in and called her Jinx. It was one of her proudest moments, she’ll admit. 

The anxiety she felt that Ekko was looking for her was skyrocketing. Why was she so stupid into coming here? What was wrong with her? Jinx knew she never wanted to answer his questions about what happened to them, because there was nothing to discuss. They simply fell apart because Jinx couldn’t deal with everything that happened to her in those few months after that damn night. How she would ignore his calls and his texts. How eventually she got a new phone number all together because if there was one thing Jinx was good at, it was avoiding shit. She refused to let him know how hurt she was after finding out he had immediately started dating someone shortly after prom. She had already spent years kicking herself for somehow believing that because of that one night that they would suddenly be together. Ekko was her first in a lot of ways, and apparently her brain and heart wanted to cling onto that with all of their might. 

The murmuring dwindled down as the door banged shut and Jinx felt herself exhale slowly. He was looking for her. Fuck. She couldn’t risk going outside in case he decided to go there to look for her, so it looked like she was stuck in this damn bathroom stall, avoiding him with every ounce of her being. Just her fucking luck. She refused to call Vi to somehow pick her up because that would risk a confrontation between her and Ekko. Jinx knew her sister, and how she reacted when she first told her the news, she'd been wanting to beat up Ekko. Jinx couldn’t risk that. Vi only knew the story that she fabricated after all. 

“I’m going to kill him,” The look in Vi’s eye made Jinx’s stomach flip into a panic. She’s never seen this look on her sister’s face before and Jinx didn’t know how to quell her sister’s anger from getting worse, especially since this was all her fault anyway. 

“Vi, please–it’s not his fault! He’s not ready and–”

“And he thinks you are? He’s really going to give you the cold shoulder because he can’t also be responsible? No, I’m knocking some sense into his fucking head and he’s going to support you through this whole thing!” Vi’s yelling made it feel like she was in trouble. There was vomit beginning to creep up on her, much like it had been the past few weeks. This was her fault, though. She was the one who got carried away, she was the one to plead with him. These were the consequences to her own actions, and she had to figure it out on her own. Ekko didn’t even know, she only said that he did to appease Vi. 

“Vi,” the tone she used made her big sister look at her, startled, her eyes flashing back to those of comfort and understanding. She had to fix it on her own, she was the one in charge of a decision. Jinx could feel her eyes watering up and her body shaking as she stared into her sister’s eyes filled with compassion she didn’t deserve. “I–I don’t want it. Please, I can’t–I can’t do this, Vi.”

She felt her sister envelop her into a hug as her body wracked with sobs. She couldn’t help but feel guilty and ashamed even though Vi told her she didn’t need to feel that way. Mistakes were made, but she wasn’t the only one at fault. She could feel herself convulsing as she cried into her sister’s chest, the crying made her whole body ache in a way she didn’t think was possible. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cried so hard before. Maybe when she was separated from Vi after Vander had died and they were taken into the system once again, but this time apart.

“It’s okay, shh, there, there, we’re going to figure it out. We’ll go to the clinic tomorrow, okay?”

Jinx took a stabilizing breath. She needed to think this through. The last thing she needed was to have that conversation with him. She could barely remember that all without cringing. First things first, she needed to know how to get out of here undetected.

“Who the hell is Jinx anyway and why is Ekko looking for her?” A voice suddenly asked the remaining people in the bathroom. It sounded like she was smacking her lips a bit, possibly reapplying her lipstick. Okay, maybe leaving undetected wouldn’t be so hard from out of here. It was just the dance floor, right outside the locker room door, the punch stand, and possibly the exit she had to be concerned about.

“Think her name’s actually Powder. Remember the blue haired girl that was always with him? I was so shocked when he finally ditched her. Guess he could only handle her crazy ass for so long. Though I was surprised that he started to date. Was really expecting them to just be together, I don’t know.” 

Jinx felt herself flinch a little at that. It wasn’t necessarily Ekko who ditched her, he just started dating someone and she…well she was fucked. Jinx was the one to break the connection. Hell, it had to be Caitlyn to answer the door whenever he came over to see how she was doing to turn him away. Vi said that she would’ve lost it on him and Jinx was drowning in her guilt for one letting it advance as much as it did, two for not telling him, and three for lying to Vi. Who knows where their lives would be now if she had just told him. Maybe they would both be avoiding each other at this function instead of it being one-sided. 

There was some more talking between them, but Jinx just started to tune them out at this point. She couldn’t deal with hearing them talk about her and Ekko’s past friendship like that. It hurt. She was still hurting. Jinx regretted that night. If she had kept it together, then none of that would’ve happened, and now she wouldn’t be hiding in a fucking stall waiting to enact her escape plan. 

The door opened and closed with a loud bang, and Jinx found it was time to leave the stall and leave the locker room. Fuck it, she will go out the window. What was he going to do? Be at multiple places at once? Yeah right. Jinx would be safe. All she had to do was get outside and call for an Uber, then she would be back at Vi’s place. Tomorrow, she would be back on a bus back to her dwelling and she’d never have to worry about seeing Ekko ever again. She didn’t even know if he still lived in their hometown, but even so, everything was going to be fine. 

Jinx steeled herself for a second before getting up from her seated position and wiping down Caitlyn’s skirt for any dust or gross bathroom stuff. She unlocked the stall door, glancing around to make sure no one was in the room with her before quickly walking to her old trusted window. Jinx used to use the window to skip class back in the day and she had quite the streak going before some bitch snitched on her. Still, she tested her luck with it every so often, and sometimes she would get caught. Other times she’d make it back home and take a nap before getting up and acting like she was walking through the front door. What her sister didn’t know. Besides, she got good enough grades for it not to be a problem.

Jinx climbed up on the mats that were still in the locker room and checked her window. Just as she thought, it still pushed open like the angel it was. Those fuckers really didn’t try to keep their students in, did they? So much for safety. She hopped herself up to shimmy through the window, cursing a little bit as she felt Caitlyn’s shirt getting dirty and skirt sliding up a bit. How that woman did everything in a damn pencil skirt was beyond her. Maybe a flowy skirt, but this thing? Nope!

Her arms shook as she made her way up, clawing at the ground beneath her fingers to scoot herself out of the window. She’ll wash Caitlyn’s clothes once she gets back to Vi’s place. Make sure to use the good stuff to get the dirt stains out. Caitlyn was already being nice enough for letting her use her nice work clothes, might as well try to make sure they didn’t stain. 

Rolling onto the grass, she will forever curse the person whoever built this damn school for putting the gym in the basement. Maybe it was to help in case of a tornado, she didn’t know, but all she could do was breathe heavily and stare up at the night sky. The stars were out for once, shining brightly and filling her eyes with so much wonder. It really would’ve been a waste stay inside the entire time when the stars were flexing like this. She remembered a time like this with Ekko when they were younger, pointing at the stars' constellations and renaming them together. They laughed at the funny names they came up with, bellies hurting by the time their fits would be over, just to start right up again. Jinx had turned to him at some point, seeing the tears in his eyes, hearing his jubilant laughter and just stared. It was like a light had switched on and suddenly she was seeing him in a totally different light. 

It was the first time she had realized she had feelings for him, and just a few weeks before prom. She would keep it secret, they were best friends after all, they couldn’t let things like feelings get in the way. Dammit .

Groaning, Jinx peeled herself off from the ground and shakily stood up. It would be a waste to just go home, but it would be a death sentence if she were to go back inside. What better way to avoid everyone and everything than to walk the grounds a bit? It was technically free for her to walk, letting herself trot down memory lane as she took in fresh air to clear her head. She would be fine, everyone was too busy having fun down in the gym.

So, she walked. Jinx never really thought about taking in the sights when she was going here, never really seeing any need to since she felt perpetually trapped in this place for four years. And maybe she still was. With how her mind had been working since she got here, Jinx couldn’t help but think of all the memories that she had shared with him. Taking in where they would hangout most of the time on their breaks. Whether that be her hanging upside down in the big tree to the right of the football field. Or on the bleachers near the baseball field. How each memory was filled with laughter and playful bickering with one another. She could see herself on the bleachers booping his nose, laying in his lap, and clinging on him that was totally and utterly platonic. At least that’s how she said it. She saw them in the big tree, huddled close, a notebook spread on both of their laps as they ran numbers by each other on what their next invention would be. 

Jinx couldn’t help but let her mind wander. Let her mind think of what could’ve been between them had things been different. Maybe they would be married and happy. Maybe they would’ve brought their kids to this place and point out where their parents fell for each other more and more everyday. A sudden emptiness filled her core as she placed a hand down on her abdomen, a frown present on her face. She didn’t regret it. Sure, she mourned the daydream she had concocted in her head a few days after finding out, but she didn’t regret it. It was the best thing for her to do given where she was in her life. She would never let herself be shamed for the decision that she made, it was her decision and hers alone after all. Though, there was still that daydream that she had created, seeing her and Ekko with their creation, going on family outings and everything was painted in a warm light. Her naive 18 year old self really had quite the imagination. 

Her feet stopped at the big tree, its branches inviting her to climb them, assuring her that they would support her, no matter how heavy her emotional baggage is. There was comfort in their branches, comfort in being so high above the ground. Almost like she was weightless and free from whatever responsibility she had to the world. Her brain was on auto-pilot as her hands began to move on their own accord, grasping the branches that had  been her safe haven once upon a time. And damn, climbing this tree was so much easier back when she was 14 to18. Now at 28, she felt like she was struggling to get leverage, whether that be from the ill-fitting skirt, or from the fact that she was no longer a teenager. Still, the exhilaration she felt as she climbed, letting her long hair swing back and forth as she climbed, thankful that she apparently had the energy to braid it this time. If she could pretend enough, she almost did feel 18 again. She could feel the ghost of herself climb up fast, surpassing her in the tree and snickering at her own old lady-ness. Jinx couldn’t help but crack a grin, pushing herself to go faster, trying to catch up with her until they were both finally at their spot high up in the tree. Her 18 year old self looked down towards the ground, waving at the boy they had ditched to hurry up and get up here. Jinx couldn’t help but look at her, feeling the pinpricks form as she was once again reminded about what was now gone. How she wished that she could go back to this point in time. She would’ve changed so much. She wouldn’t have drank that punch that night, she wouldn’t have led Ekko to the bleachers and begin kissing him, she wouldn’t have–

Her younger self looked at her curiously, head tilting in the way that only they tilt their head. She was still so young at this point, still didn’t know what was going to happen in just a few short weeks. Didn’t know that she wouldn’t be calling Ekko up to climb the tree, but instead be shackled in her bed by herself, sobbing and hurting for the life she had envisioned before prom night. Her younger self scooted closer to her as she couldn’t keep the tears back and only then did she remember. She forgot to take her meds again. Fuck. 

Jinx rifled through her bag, hoping that she had been smart enough to remember them. She cursed at herself for not remembering sooner, she had been getting better at taking them at the same time everyday. Then again, normally when she did take them was at work when she was just running numbers for her boss. It was mind-numbing, and it was enough to make her take her meds. 

Her little orange medication capsule shined in the night and she couldn’t help but release a relieved breath. Thank goodness she had been thinking. Jinx clumsily opened the cap and popped her pill in, growing so used to dry swallowing the fuckers that she didn’t even care that she didn’t have a water on her. She let herself close her eyes for a moment before putting the cap back on the capsule and shoving it back into her purse. She was going to be fine. That’s what she told herself as she scooted closer to the trunk of the tree to lean her back onto it so that she could watch the sky through the leaves of their once shared hideout. It took a few minutes before she was calm again, her back on the tree trunk and her legs on the branch to keep her from falling. It could’ve been a good night, and maybe it still will be, as she stared at the night sky, counting the stars and being lulled into a sense of security. The tension in her shoulders was loosening and for once, she just felt so at peace with everything. Maybe it was the view, maybe it was her meds, either way, she just felt so at peace where she was. She would only close her eyes for a moment she had told herself. Let her eyes rest and forget about where she was at. Imagine that she was in some other tree in the middle of the woods and she was a wood nymph. Yeah, that’s what she was. She let out a yawn letting her legs curl in closer, but just a bit so she could still keep her balance. She’ll enjoy this moment, and then when she opens her eyes again, she’ll call for an Uber and get back to Vi’s, but until then, she was a wood nymph finally at home in her tree. 

“I had a feeling you would be here,” A not so distant voice spoke. Jinx startled from her dozing, gripping onto the tree to keep from falling as she looked around to see where the voice sounded from. “I’ll admit, I thought I was going to catch up with you quicker, but I didn’t think you would take it outside.”

Jinx finally got her bearings as she looked down the tree, eyes feeling like they would pop out of her sockets from how wide they got as Ekko was about two branches down from her. There was a smug smile on his face, and his eyes crinkled just right at the corner that made her want to kiss them so he could possibly smile some more. Shit. She really fucked up this time. Jinx couldn’t even speak, she just sat there, frozen, her brain not able to catch up to this bombshell. Wasn’t he supposed to be at the reunion? 

“Reunion ended about 30 minutes ago.” He answered her unspoken question. Aw fuck. Vi. Jinx scrambled into her bag and pulled her phone, seeing it blown up to the nines by her sister and Caitlyn. Shit. She felt like a teenager all over again. Jinx put her phone away and began making her way down the opposite side of Ekko, ready to book it once she got on solid ground. “Wait, where are you going?”

Jinx, ever the quicker climber than he was, was already halfway down again. If she was younger she would’ve just jumped it and took off, but she had a feeling her ankles would break if she tried to do that now. She didn’t even bother answering him, just continued to climb down before she felt it was suitable enough for her to jump off and begin her run to the parking lot. Apparently Ekko’s brain was pretty slow tonight as he didn’t even register what was happening until she was a bit less than halfway to the gym. 

“Jinx!” He called out to her, and suddenly he was climbing down the tree now, and Jinx was cursing because he was a faster runner than her. There was no way she was going to make it to the parking lot unless he really took his sweet time climbing down, which wasn’t likely since apparently he really wanted to talk to her. Curse Caitlyn’s pencil skirt, it was ruining her escape plan. Why didn’t she just leave when she had the chance? How stupid was she to think that Ekko wouldn’t be looking for her after he had saw her? Jinx fumbled with the skirt’s zipper to take it off, hoping that would help in her run back. Vi would get the car out of there with her running like this. She began pulling the skirt down her hips in her run, thanking past her for remembering to wear shorts underneath. Jinx hopped one leg out of the skirt, glancing back to see Ekko still climbing down. She did climb pretty high, and that was always her specialty. Still, he was almost on the ground, maybe a few branches before he would be, and that meant her window would be shrinking considerably. 

She felt her boot get caught in the skirt and felt herself tumble to the ground, her arm bending awkwardly that held onto the skirt. God fuck shit face, she didn’t have time for this! She quickly recovered, ignoring the pain in her arm as she finished getting the skirt off and pushing herself off the dirt. Glancing back to see that Ekko was now on the ground running and quickly approaching. Yeah, she didn’t have time for this. Jinx began running again, legs freed from the damn pencil skirt. Her fall was going to cost her. She was a little more than halfway to the gym, which meant she had to run even further for the parking lot, and if it was anything that Ekko had over her, it was endurance. Fucker could probably run laps around her still. 

She felt her lungs burning as she pushed herself. She hadn’t had to run like this in a long time, and normally it was so an admin wouldn’t catch her and throw her in detention. Jinx knew that she was slippery. She could get away from him, she could– the window . She could get in through the window and block it so he wouldn’t be able to follow her in.There, she can catch her breath and take a different route to get to the parking lot. She can just call Vi in the bathroom and explain to her to have the car running so they can just book it. 

Jinx changed her trajectory, seeing her window, left slightly ajar, thankfully. She was coming up on it fast, so she prepared her slow down, her uninjured arm outstretched to open it in preparation. As soon as she got there, she flung it open and crawled back in, landing on the mats roughly before turning around and closing the window by the handle. She felt her heart lurch into her throat as she closed it right as Ekko’s hand was there to keep it open. Fuck. Somehow she managed to evade him. Holy shit was she out of shape. Jinx felt herself take in shallow breaths as her whole body ached from the chase. She was an inventor for fuck sake, she didn’t do this running thing often anymore. 

It wouldn’t take long for Ekko to come into the gym. She had to recover fast, talk to Vi and fast walk, let’s go. Jinx took her phone out of her bag, thankful it was still on her even after her fumble. She went through her messages, seeing Vi getting increasingly more and more worried. Caitlyn threatens to call the force on her, yada, yada, yada. She pressed Vi’s contact and hit the call button, putting her phone to her ear as she exited the girls locker room. Thankfully the custodians hadn’t locked the doors yet. Vi answers before the first ring could go through all the way. 

“Where the fuck are you?” Jinx felt so warm after that greeting, really making her want to see her sister more. 

“I got caught up, okay?” She wouldn’t elaborate anymore than that. Waving at a custodian before heading out of the gym, and turning right to go deeper into the school. There was a side door through the auditorium that led straight to the parking lot, then she’ll be back in Vi’s car, speeding away into the star lit night. Tomorrow morning, she’ll be on a bus back to her place, and this will be just a memory. Jinx took the stairs two at a time, careful to look around in case of any pop ups. 

“You sound stressed, Jinx, are you all right?” A posh voice spoke up. Gee, thanks Vi for having her on speaker phone, really building that trust factor. Jinx withheld a groan as she switched hands, her aching arm protesting. Sucks to suck she guessed.

“I’m fine, Princess Puddin Pops,” she gritted out. She heard Caitlyn sigh with resignation at the nickname. Jinx could see her pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. 

“I really don’t know which one is worse, Cupcake, or Princess Puddin whatever.” Jinx knew which was worse. Vi only used her more hated nickname whenever she was super stressed with something and wanted to be left alone, because actually voicing to be left alone was scary! Confrontation? Difficult! Nicknames to distance themselves from the person? Better. 

“We all know which one, Hat Lady. Anyway, Vi, I need you to step on it when I get in there, ‘kay? No questions now, make sure to pull up to the auditorium side door.” Jinx explained, taking the last set of stairs before she made it into the hallway with the auditorium in it. She was almost there. She could get through this night without saying a word to Ekko and she can go back to how it was. A little lonely, yeah, but it was for the best. They needed to stay in each other’s past. Ekko had already dealt with her messes enough, she didn’t need to be ruining his life even more. She reached the auditorium, remembering the door on the right was always left open. Grabbing onto the handle and pulling down, Jinx was thankful that her memory hadn’t failed her as the door swung open easily. She was almost there. 

“I’ll see you in a sec, okay?” Jinx didn’t even wait for an answer before hanging up and walking into the auditorium, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. The night was almost over. 

Jinx was halfway down the aisle when she felt someone take hold of her shoulders. An instinctual scream was pulled out of her like she was possessed. The next thing she knew, Jinx had punched her assailant right in the face.

“Ow, Jinx, what the fuck?” For fuck’s sake. Of course. Jinx took the opportunity to turn around and begin to jog down the aisle, hoping he would stay dazed just enough that she would be halfway out the door before he snapped out of it. He would realize he had lost her once again and drop it. Her hopes were for someone else as she felt a hand grasp onto hers, and she had to keep her wits about her to not slap it away and yell at him to go away. 

“What do you want?” Was what she settled on, feeling  her anger boil up and her patience give out. “Do you always just follow women when they very obviously don’t want to talk to you?”

That seemed to stun Ekko, he immediately took his hand from hers and shoved it in his pocket. She would be lying if she said she didn’t sort of miss the warmth of his hand in hers. Reminded her of simpler times. Before they were…this. She couldn’t let this throw her off kilter though. Jinx just rolled her eyes and turned back around, 100% over this night. She began her trek to the stage again, trying to break the remaining strings that attached her and Little Man to each other. 

“Wait, Pow.” The use of her old nickname made her stop. She hadn’t heard anyone else use it other than Vi in years, and honestly she wanted to yell at him. Wanted to tell him that no one was allowed to call her that but Vi, to everyone else she was Jinx. She turned with a fire in her eyes, prepared to chew him out for using the damn nickname only to pause when she saw the hurt expression that encompassed his whole body. She had hurt him again, even when she told herself that she would stop. It was why she stopped messaging him back. Because it hurt her too much to be around him when he was with someone who wasn’t her. How she was just a simple fuck because she got too handsy and he would never say no to something that she wanted, and fuck this whole thing is her fault.

“What?” Her response was dismissive, but the tone was softer than the ire she had before. She was defeated along with him. Jinx couldn’t be running from her past anymore and it terrified her. She didn’t want to face the consequences of her own actions right now. Awkwardly shifting in her shoes, trying to stabilize herself in any way possible, anything to soften the blow.

“Why?”

His question was so simple. It was one singular word, but it held so much weight and so much history in it. All the baggage that she had talked to her therapist about, how much she was ridden with guilt for the messes that she causes and how she burns bridges with people because she decides what’s best for them. Jinx was no good for them. She had very few friendships and even less romances because she was messy. She was broken and poisonous. Even before that night with Ekko, she was slowly poisoning him, and he managed to escape. Why didn’t he just stay over there where it’s safe then?

Jinx feigned innocence, though. It was what she was best at after all. Acting like she didn’t give him a wild goose chase throughout the night and making him think of her instead of socializing. Why couldn’t she have been an adult and just made awkward small talk with him? Come up with a lie on the spot like her phone was stolen or something. That would’ve been much better than whatever she had just dragged out. Ekko’s eyes narrowed at her though, his body becoming guarded and him voiding his face of any softness it once had. 

“Don’t play that game with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Just like how I knew exactly which path you were going to take after pulling a fast one with the locker room. You’re not as slick as you think you are.” Curse Ekko for still knowing her so well. It really was unfair of him. Jinx mirrored how guarded he was, crossing her arms over her stomach as if she was hiding her shame. She blew her bangs out of her face, more so out of agitation than need. It was really annoying that he wouldn’t just let her go. 

“You should go back to your wife, she’s probably looking for you.” Year 5 without Ekko, and Vi calls her to let her know that she had gotten a wedding invitation addressed to her from Ekko. Jinx remembers how an icy pit formed in her stomach after hearing that, how she told Vi to just rip it up since she wasn’t going. Jinx refused to go. He would’ve asked then, and she wouldn’t be able to lie to him at that point. The last thing she wanted was to ruin his chance at happiness with her running everything amok. She took a hesitant step back, hearing her phone ding with a message, no doubt from Vi asking her where she was. 

“I’m divorced. Don’t change the subject and just tell me. Why? Why did you disappear? I thought that, you know–” his voice cracked at that, and Jinx was shocked to hear the nervousness in his voice. It almost made her want to tell the truth. Almost. 

“Oh, you know, a stolen phone, got super sick, remember that one? Pretty sure someone had the plague in school or something, then was busy with make-up exams. Oh, Vi also grounded me all summer, so there’s that.” Jinx listed off some half truths. She had missed school for upwards to 3 weeks, at first she had thought she had gotten sick from someone. The way her world had completely altered once she found out the real reason as to why she was so sick. She did have to take makeup exams since she missed her exam week. Vi grounding her was just her way of saying she was cramping up a storm for three days as it took effect, and then found herself in bed with no motivation to get out. 

“Bull fucking shit.” Ekko called her out, eyes ablaze. “You can’t even tell me the truth after all these years? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Jinx felt her defenses build back up, felt her anger flare up, her nostrils flaring as she gripped her upper arms so she didn’t go out swinging. Yeah, he was right, but she didn’t want to be called out on it. 

“Well, what do you want me to fucking say?” She was seething, her resolve for keeping him in the dark was crumbling one by one and she couldn’t seem to get a handle on it. She was spiraling, she felt it, her whole world was working its way off axis once again. 

“Start with the truth maybe!”

Jinx barked out a bitter laugh, feeling a bit crazy as her hands flew up in the air and she continued to laugh. The truth he said. He wants the truth.

“Okay, fine, you want the truth? Truth is I got knocked up, the kicker? It was you. You knocked me up. Prom night, what a time to be fucking alive, am I right? Right behind those bleachers, living life like a shitty 80’s teen movie.” Jinx could feel the tears pouring out of her eyes and worst of all, she envisioned her teenage self sitting on the stage, anxiously awaiting for teenage Ekko to show up to their meeting so she could tell him. So she could discuss their options like Vi had to her. She saw her clutching onto the pregnancy test which was a just in case tool. Except, Ekko never showed. Ekko stood her up because he had forgotten about their meeting, something he never did before. Ekko had ditched her to hangout with his new girlfriend. Ekko had broken her heart that day, how she waited and waited, only to be sitting on that stage stupidly. 

Her whole body was shaking with her confession, watching as Ekko’s face turned from anger into shock, his mouth opened agape and eyebrows knitted together as his brain processed what he was just told. It was as if she had told him at 18 that she was pregnant and that he was the father. She imagined that this was how it would’ve felt, the anxiety that was pouring out of her, the way she wanted to look away from him but couldn’t. To profusely apologize for everything, that it was her fault and that she pushed him too much that night. 

“I– we have a kid together?” The question took her by surprise. She didn’t know why it did. Really, Jinx should’ve expected it since that kid would be turning 10 soon and of course Ekko would think that it was around, probably envisioning it waiting for her at home. Jinx shifted uncomfortably, not able to look away from him.

“No. We don’t. I uh–I got an abortion.” 

“Oh.” Jinx could see his face morph from shock to sadness, and she could feel her entire body suddenly be wracked with shame and embarrassment. This was a mistake. She knew that if he ever found out it would be like this. No one was ready for a blow like that. It was why she had wanted to keep it a secret from him once she decided that she had to fix everything on her own. One thought resonated through her head and it was that she had once again fucked things up.

“I–I gotta go.” She didn’t mean to sound so broken, but she couldn’t help it. Her secret that she held so close to her chest was out to the person she didn’t want to tell and now she didn’t know what to do. He probably thought that she was some monster like all those protesters at the clinic. How dare she destroy a sweet and innocent life. She didn’t want to think about that, and she didn’t want to stick around in case for some reason Ekko started spewing the same sentiments.

“Wait, Jinx, I’m sorry, that’s not–fuck–I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was shaming you, I was just–”

“Save it. Look, Vi’s blowing up my phone and I really gotta go.” She began to walk away, ready to close the door on whatever could’ve been forever. Jinx needed to move on with her life, and the only way she was going to do that was if she left now. A hand on her forearm stopped her, but she dared not turn around. It would break her. 

“Jinx–”

“It was good to see you, Boy Savior.” Jinx exhaled quickly before ripping her forearm from out of his grip. She hurriedly made it up the stage, passing by her teenage self, who just stared at her desperately now, asking, pleading that this was all worth it. Jinx didn’t have an answer for her because she honestly didn’t know. All she knew was that Ekko didn’t chase after her this time and she left the auditorium in peace, but also like her heart was breaking all over again. The shadows of the past were consuming her as she raced to Vi’s car, letting the relief fill her as she saw it still there, the trusty tan compact car that carried her through everything at this point. Jinx opened the back door and collapsed into the car, closing it and then curling in on herself, feeling her body wrack with sobs, remembering how she did the same thing 10 years ago when Ekko failed to show up. Vi immediately turned around, her hand on her back.

“Hey, Pow–Pow, what happened?” Her voice was so gentle and concerned, it just made Jinx begin to sob louder. It reminded her of years ago when she was sobbing in the passenger seat after she had found out and knew she had to tell Vi. Vi had thought someone had been picking on her, and when she finally confessed to what actually was up, she had never heard her sister blow up more. Even when she was telling her to go with the social worker, which Jinx was sure was the end of their whole relationship. She just remember coming home that day an absolute wreck, thinking that she had put their relationship in a dumpster fire and blew it all up because she was stupid and wasn’t thinking. 

It had been Caitlyn who came into her room and talked to her. Spoke in a level voice without sounding like she was accusing her, nor interrogating which had surprised her since most of the time that’s how it felt anytime Jinx had fucked something up. Caitlyn had been understanding towards her, even coming into her room with a zebra cake as a peace offering. Offering her words of encouragement and comfort and assuring her that she would talk to Vi. And she did. They talked in hushed whispers, but sometimes Vi would begin to raise her voice so much that she could hear her sister talking about how she was throwing her life away, which made her curl up under her covers, hoping that this was all a bad dream. That she had somehow misread the test even though she had taken at least three and all of them said the same thing. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” She answered once she found she could answer without blubbering her words. She felt herself curl in more on herself and let her be coaxed to close her eyes by the car’s rumbling as Vi began to drive away from the school. Jinx couldn’t let Vi know that she had just now told Ekko the truth. That he had actually been left in the dark for all this time, not knowing why their friendship deteriorated. 

Vi left her alone. She knew, they both knew that they couldn’t get the truth from out of her, and Jinx felt even more stupid after that. Her only solace was that Ekko didn’t have her new phone number so he couldn’t bombard her with questions and wants of seeing her.. What else was there to talk about? They had been best friends since their first year of middle school, and in a terrible lapse in judgment, and way too much to drink, they had fucked each other in the gym bleachers. The sound system and darkness were the only things masking where they had gone and their sounds. They hadn’t been caught, and even right after all of that they had gone back to being what they were before that. Before Jinx found out she was pregnant, before Ekko had gotten together with his girlfriend. Everything had been normal, neither of them talked about what they did and she assumed that Ekko wanted to keep it that way. Either he didn’t remember, or he just didn’t see her as anything more than just a friend. That fucking her that night was just confirmation of how he felt. 

Jinx hadn’t even realized that she had dozed off in the car until she woke up to her sister carrying her into her guest room. It was technically her old room, but anything that would say it was Jinx’s at one point was stripped long ago and replaced with gray and navy blue. She missed the pinks and lighter blue that she had in here, but what was the point in keeping it like that? Vi laid her down on the already turned down bed, no doubt Caitlyn came in here to do that for her and stroked her forehead a moment. Jinx opened her eyes with much effort, seeing her sister smoothing her hair down with a gentle touch. She turned to look at her other side, suddenly seeing her younger self huddled underneath the covers with another Vi standing over her. The younger Vi was gently caressing the covers, trying to coax her younger self out from under the blankets.

“Jinx, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” Her sister spoke softly, as if frightened to startle a cute fluffy animal rather than her crazy little sister who just keeps messing up. “I should’ve thought about how scared you are right now instead of yelling at you, and I’m really sorry that I did that and made you feel that way. I really am. I’m just…I’m also scared.”

Jinx had curled in on herself more, knowing that she was the reason why her sister was scared and worried. Vi was too proud to receive any help from Caitlyn’s parents and she refused any money that came from them, assuring that they were fine. Telling them all about her genius sister who was going to go to a good school that she already had loads of scholarships for, and that they were practically paying her to go to their school. They were in a really good state in life, and suddenly she ruins it by getting knocked up. She couldn’t help her body shaking as she felt the tears drip down her face. This was all her fault. Vi was going to be swimming in debt by the time this was all over. Between everything that a baby needed, the hospital bills, amongst everything else, both of their savings were going to be wiped clean. And she wouldn’t be going to college this Fall. Maybe when it was older, but right now? She didn’t think her mental health would be able to do that, it was already rocky as is. Add a baby and school work in the mix? She didn’t want to think of it. It only got her crying harder, and it felt like it was all she could do at this point.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, her voice muffled by the blanket, but it felt like she was screaming. Wishing this was all a cruel joke. “Vi, I’m so sorry.”

Vi cooed at her, dropping down on her bed and embracing her through her blanket cocoon. Vi’s strong arms enveloped her tightly, rocking her back and forth as best as she could in the position they were in. She could feel Vi try and grab the blanket hood from off her head, but she stopped her by gripping the blankets down harder, unable to let her sister see her like this. A blubbering screw up who never could do anything right. She always had to mess up a good thing. 

“It’s not your fault, okay? These things just sometimes happen, and I’m sorry that I made it out that you did something bad, because it’s not bad. Maybe doing it at prom is a lot, but overall, it isn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I know that I made you feel like some vile human being, and I’m sorry. Also, you didn’t get pregnant on your own, you can’t just assume all the responsibility.” Jinx felt her sister give her a kiss on her blanketed head, trying to comfort her as best as she could. The warmth of her sister being there, comforting her made her feel a bit better. Only a tinge. She shifted herself so her back was no longer towards her, moving the blanket from off her head. She still didn’t have the courage to look at her sister’s face, so she kept her eyes on the little space that was between them. “Which brings me to my next point. The father, does he know?”

Jinx shook her head, Vi and Caitlyn were the only people who knew. She was too scared to even try to bring it up to Ekko, since he was with someone now, and she could mess it up more. Vi sighed against her, tightening her grip..

“You’re going to have to tell him, okay?”

“Vi, please–”

“He has to know. Would you feel comfortable telling me who he is? Maybe I can come with you when you tell him just so you have some backup?” Vi was trying to be accommodating, and all Jinx wanted was for her bed to suddenly have a hole in it and swallow her whole just so she didn’t have to do this. Did she feel comfortable telling Vi that Ekko was the father? Yeah, she thinks she does. Did she want to tell Ekko? No. She didn’t want to bring up that night. Jinx didn’t want to bring it up just in case he hit her with how gross she is and that they should’ve dissolved their friendship earlier. The fact that she could be met with coldness and not his normal warmth made her want to throw up even more. 

“Ekko.” Was all she could muster out. The embarrassment and shame flooded her all over again. The amount of times she assured Vi that they were just friends and nothing was going on between them. Nothing was going on between them, it hadn’t been a lie, it was just one time and now look where they were. 

“Fuck, dude.” Vi mumbled out and Jinx just flinched feeling like she had once again disappointed her sister. “Okay, you’re going to tell Ekko. I do want to go over your options. First option: you keep the baby. In keeping the baby, you’re going to go to community college. Cait and I can help you with it when you’re in school, but I do want you to continue with your education. Option two: you give the baby up for adoption. However you want to do it, If you want to choose the parents, if you want to leave it up to the agency, whether you want to keep it a closed or open adoption, anything you want. It’s up to you.”

Jinx had nodded, pondering the options she was given, if she were to give it up, she doesn’t think she would be able to see it. If she did, then she would be way too attached to it. The idea of her getting help from Cait and Vi reassured her a bit if she decided to keep it.

“Or,” Vi started, making Jinx start a little bit. A third option? “I take you down to the clinic on Wednesday and you get an abortion.”

Jinx finally looked at her sister, eyes wide. In every teen pregnancy she watched, abortion was never an option. It was always written off early on because how could you kill a little baby? Also, in her health class, it wasn’t treated like a real option. Instead, the only option in health class was abstinence only which was a real healthy way of teaching a bunch of teenagers about sex. 

“You would let me get an abortion?” Her voice was meek and she watched Vi’s face morph into that of confusion. 

“Uh, yeah? I’m here for you, Jinx, whatever you decide, I will support you in any way I can.” Jinx couldn’t help but tear up. Vi would support her in any decision she made and the comfort in that helped her tremendously. 

“I…I think I’ll think about it. Tell Ekko tomorrow or Wednesday.” Any decision that she made about what to do would change her life forever. She couldn’t help but put a hand on her abdomen, feeling a little weirded out that there was something developing in there that was made up of her and Ekko’s DNA. Fucking weird. 

Vi gave her another kiss on her head before trying to separate herself from her. Jinx tightened her grip on her sister, suddenly wanting her to stay. Her sister seemed to get the memo, assuming position back next to her, holding onto her tight. Jinx placed her head underneath Vi’s chin, feeling a bit more relaxed now that she knew that her sister wasn’t mad at her and that they would be okay.

Jinx grabbed hold of her sister’s hand, holding it tightly. Vi looked at her curiously, moving forward a bit.

“Can you stay here tonight?” Her voice was small, as though she was afraid of destroying something if she were to speak louder. Vi’s hold on her hand tightened for a moment before taking her hand away and going to the other side of the bed to get into it. Her sister poked her in the side as she settled into the bed, Jinx turning to face her sister. 

“What’s gotten you into a sappy mood?” Vi teased her lightly, giving her another poke in her stomach. Jinx swatted at her hand, only playfully annoyed. An itching thought was at the back of her head. She had to tell Vi. Had to tell her that she had lied and come clean to her that Ekko never knew and this night was just a nightmare that she thought she had climbed out of. Vi seemed to understand her, her eyes softening slightly as she pieced together that this was what she had been upset about earlier. Vi’s hand found hers again and she gave it a light squeeze, encouraging her to talk.

“I–look, Vi, I–shit,” she inhaled sharply. Why was this so hard? It was just Vi, hopefully she would understand. Building her resolve again, Jinx exhaled slowly, tightening her own hold on Vi’s hand. “I–I lied to you. About, you know, the situation . Ekko he uh–he never really…he never found out? I had plans on telling him, I swear, I told him to meet me at a place at a specific time but he–he never showed and I thought it would be better if I had just told you that he reacted poorly to the news so it was just over and done with.

“Well, tonight, that all sort of went to shit because we saw each other and I was avoiding him all night, but he caught up in the end and he kept asking for me to tell him why I left, and it all just sort of spilled out. So…he knows now, and I’m pretty sure he hates me now and forever because I never even gave him a say in the decision I made. And maybe he hates me because I took away a chance of fatherhood from him? I don’t know, I just feel like I screwed everything up all over again.” Jinx kept talking and averting her eyes from her sister so she wouldn’t see the disappointment. She knew she had fucked up, but after being stood up in that auditorium, she knew what she needed to do. There was no way she could be a single mom, even with the support from Caitlyn and Vi. They still had their own lives and their own careers, she couldn’t expect them to help her like that, and the idea of an adoption, whether that be open or closed would keep her wondering forever. Wondering how that baby was doing, wondering what kind of person they were becoming, whether or not they were happy, or curious about her in any way. It was the best option for her given her circumstances.

“Powder.” Jinx flinched at her sister’s tone. Knowing that she had disillusioned Vi with the one thing she had asked her to do. Her big sister didn’t deserve that, Vi had been doing everything she could possibly do for her after she had regained custody of her when she was 14, and in that time of adjustment, she had treated Vi like shit. She had felt like she had finally settled into her life before being thrusted back into the care of her sister, and the back and forth she experienced only made her moodier and even more agitated. The pregnancy was the boiling point after everything had been simmering for so long. Vi once again had to stop her life to take care of her and make sure that she got what she felt she needed. 

“I know, I fucked up! I keep fucking up, just when you think I’m finally doing great, I just go ahead and jinx it! I feel so stupid for even going, I could’ve avoided all of this if I had just stayed here. I didn’t even want to go! Fuck, I’m going to have to call my therapist in the morning and schedule an emergency session. Maybe up my dosage, I don’t know!” It got to the point where Jinx didn’t know what she was saying anymore, just rambling on and feeling her anxiety get worse and worse. Her body was beginning to itch her, and she couldn’t help but rake her nails against it roughly, leaving behind a rash from her scratching. Blood might soon follow no doubt, seeping under her nails and getting onto the perfectly clean gray sheets, once again ruining Caitlyn and Vi’s things. 

“Powder, stop,” the coaxing sound of her sister’s voice made her head snap at her. Jinx felt like a wounded prey animal about to be chewed out from her predator. It was a stupid thought. Vi was only trying to help, Jinx’s rational mind knew that, but all her irrational mind was telling her was to shrink away, pretend like she wasn’t there. “Powder, it’s okay!”

“But it’s not okay!” Her voice was pitchy and if Caitlyn was sleeping, then she could’ve very possibly woken her up with her bird-like screech. “I kept it a secret for years! I lied to you, I ditched Ekko, I could’ve texted him, could’ve rescheduled, I just didn’t know what to do! I felt trapped, and then seeing him at McDonald’s with his new girlfriend, I flipped even more, I just…I couldn’t do it.”

The way her mouth was just running felt like she was confessing her sins to a priest or something. Jinx couldn’t help but to keep to talking, feeling her fingernails scraping her skin harder and harder as tears pin pricked her eyes. If only she had told Ekko. How would their lives be different if she had told him in the end? Where would they even be, what would they be to each other? Would they both be uncomfortable with one another? Knowing everything that had happened in those final months…would they have stayed friends? Probably not. If she had kept it, the frustrations of being teen parents would’ve won out in the end, especially since it wasn’t like there had been anything romantic between them up until prom night. Especially since Ekko went and found himself a girlfriend pretty much right after everything, sealing the deal to Jinx that he had regretted everything. Regretted giving into her request, and would only ever see her as a friend. She also had to think about how his girlfriend would’ve felt in that moment where he had to spend more time with his best friend that he had knocked up. Either way, Jinx would’ve ruined their friendship and his life. If they had decided together to have the abortion, then who knows if Ekko would’ve held resentment towards her. He had always said he wanted to become a father one day after all. Could’ve just been saying she could do whatever she wanted in order to appease her and going off of what was supposed to be said rather than his actual sentiments. 

“Powder,” Vi interrupted her racing thoughts with a hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears that she didn’t know she had shed. “You need to breathe.” Jinx hadn’t realized how shallow her breathing had gotten, her lungs hurting from lack of oxygen and the feeling of lightheadedness suddenly made their presence known to her. Gulping down some air, Jinx felt just how much she was shaking from excess adrenaline as her body went into a weird survival mode.

“I can’t in good conscience send you home on a bus tomorrow.” Vi whispered softly to her, putting Jinx’s bang behind her ear and wiping some more of her tears. Jinx started, eyes wide. No, no, no, she had to go home tomorrow. There was no way in hell she was staying here when she could at any point run into Ekko again. He had more to say, she knew he did, but she hadn’t wanted to hear him out because it would’ve been painful. The insults and accusations would cut into her too deeply. She couldn’t deal with the aftermath of it all. Besides, she had work to go to. There was a conference she had to go to this week since Talis finally saw her worth and was letting her present her ideas and mockups. This was her chance to prove herself.

“I can’t miss work! I have to be there, I have to–”

“Pow, I just meant I was going to drive you back, stay with you for a couple of days until you’re good. I just don’t want you spiraling again.” The calm voice of her sister made Jinx feel like a little kid. It was the voice that Vander used for her to calm her down from her nightmares as he rocked her back to sleep, assuring her that she was safe. As long as he was around, no one would be able to hurt her. Vi always had that stance like Vander, but since she had gotten her back, she smothered her with that mantle, making Jinx feel like she was drowning. Vi was only trying her best. Still, could Jinx really take Vi away from her family? From Caitlyn and their two kids? That wouldn’t be right. 

“I promise I’m fine. You have carpool duty on Monday with your kids, and I couldn’t put that on Caitlyn since she has to go in early those days–”

“Cait will understand, Pow. Besides, she’s super involved in the PTA, I’m sure she can always ask someone to drive them in if she’s super busy. We’ve done it before and they always get excited about it.” Vi explained, stroking her face again, presenting a soft reassuring smile to her. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Cait’s already getting fed up with my shit–”

“She is not. Cait loves you, okay? She might have a hard time showing that to you, but she only speaks fondly about how good you are with the boys and how much you’ve grown over the years. I know it sucks to hear, but your brain going into overdrive about how people think isn’t helping you.” Vi didn’t mean it unkindly, but Jinx couldn’t help how her gut twirled with guilt. How exactly was she good with their kids anyway? Jinx felt like she was the most awkward around them, not really knowing them all too well since she liked to limit her time at Vi and Caitlyn’s for as much as possible. One of them is around the same age her kid would’ve been, and knowing that made her uncomfortable. He could’ve very well had a cousin his age, and yet he’ll never know that. 

“I wish you would stop trying to protect me from every little thing.” Jinx shrinked herself away, feeling her resolve be broken down. The idea of Vi at her apartment didn’t necessarily make her uncomfortable. She kept it fairly clean, only because she didn’t really stay in there for long periods of time to really dirty it up. Most of her time was spent at the lab, trying to keep her brain as occupied as possible, trying not to think how in their youth, Ekko and her would be in the shop classroom during lunch making things together, comparing notes and numbers to one another. If they weren’t in the shop classroom doing that, then they were at their tree creating new inventions together, all larger than life itself and probably highly improbable. Like Ekko's time machine that he always went on about, and if only they could prove that it was possible, then maybe they could do it. Or Jinx’s super epic, ultra cool, has the best name in the world rocket launcher, Fishbones. Ekko had teased her about the name freshman year of high school, and she had shoved him so hard that he had fallen down from the branch they were on. Jinx during that thought she had killed him, and she had immediately scurried down the tree, sobbing over what she had done. The relief she had felt when he had just broken his arm. 

“Can’t help it. Besides, I don’t protect you from every little thing. If I did then…I don’t know, a lot of things probably would’ve been different.” Vi booped her nose a little bit and Jinx could feel her irritation well up slightly. Trying to have a sister relationship again after her sister became her guardian was weird. There was a disconnect there where Vi knew she had to act as a mother, and yet still try to be a sister. Vi had only been 18 when she took up guardianship, apparently she fought tooth and nail for her and it was how she had met Caitlyn in the first place. It was weird to think that her sister had technically been a teen parent in a way. Vi had done it, but Jinx wasn’t Vi. She never would be like Vi. 

“Hey,” Vi interrupted her train of thought, a critical look in her eye. Her big sister’s hand perched atop her cheek causing Jinx to move to it like a moth to flame, appreciating the comfort of Vi’s hand on her face, soothing away her worries. Just like she did from the time she was a baby, her big sister’s hand cupped her cheek tenderly. “You’re stronger than you think. I don’t want to see this self-doubt that you’re digging yourself in. You’re going to get through this little hurdle, and you’re gonna absolutely rock your presentation.”

The one thing Jinx wished never happened was her sister’s reacquisition to sense what was going on in her brain. Vi knew how to read her when she was younger, before the separation, then there were a few years where she just seemed lost, like she didn’t know what else to do with her. A wall had been put up between them, and Jinx wasn’t doing anything to help take it down. Vi only seemed to redevelop that ability after the incident, where most days Jinx was constantly curled up in Vi’s bed, feeling completely numb and missing her best friend. How her heart yearned for Ekko during that time, but she knew it was a bad idea. He seemingly didn’t want to be friends with her, that was what her teenage brain thought. It didn’t matter he was blowing up her phone, asking her where she was and if she was okay. He was only doing that because he was guilty for not ending things properly. At least that was how she rationalized it. Vi would curl up next to her, or brush her hair out, braiding it how she liked it, and even hummed an old lullaby their mother used to sing to them. Anything to make her feel better.

“You really should’ve become a therapist rather a stupid cop, you know.” Vi chuckled at that, booping her nose lightly before wrapping her up in a tight embrace and placing a kiss on her head. 

“Eh, I don’t really want to sort through other people’s feelings for a living, rather not have that on my mental load all day.” Vi answered, holding her tight. Jinx felt safer than she ever had recently. Knowing her sister was there for her no matter what. Unfortunately, she did feel 18 and the ages before the separation all over again. She thought by 28 she would have her life sorted by now, that she wouldn’t have to rely on her sister to make her feel better, that after years of therapy she would be finally able to navigate her life and have the proper tools to not go off the deep end. That obviously wasn’t the case, apparently she was stuck in this baby sister mode where she desperately clung onto her sister like a lifeline, no matter how her 14-17 year old self denied it. Goddamn, her over-dependency was sickening. Maybe that should also be a talking point in her emergency session with her therapist.

“Gotta get to sleep, Pow. We have a car ride tomorrow.” Vi murmured sleepily. Jinx craned her neck to look up at her sister, seeing that she had already closed her eyes and seemed to be drifting off. A slight jealousy blossomed in her chest over this, how she envied her sister’s ability to fall asleep at the drop of the hat. Jinx shifted slightly, finally noticing that she was still wearing Caitlyn’s now wrinkled top.

“I should get in my jim-jams though, right? Top Hat isn’t going to like her blouse being all wrinkled.” 

A sleepy laugh came from Vi, a hand patting the back of her head, letting her know that her big sister had no intention of letting her go. Maybe it was because Vi knew that she was going to sneak out and think about her night even more. This was her sister’s way of keeping her away from potentially having those thoughts and finally being coaxed into a long deserved sleep. 

“It’s all good.” Vi slurred, putting her chin on top of Jinx’s. Yeah, there was no way she was getting out of this one. “Besides, you need to go to sleepy town.”

Jinx just sighed and accepted her fate. She was tired. Trying to avoid Ekko, running away from him, and then having emotional outburst after emotional outburst was draining. Fuck, she didn’t realize that her legs were going to be sore as hell tomorrow with all her little fun. As if teasing her slightly with some more pain, her arm decided to let out a cutesy little throb, reminding her just how badly she fucked that one up. It was probably just upset due to it being twisted back awkwardly, nothing too major. She didn’t even hear a snap, so it had to be fine. It was just a little bitch. Taking in a deep breath, Jinx closed her eyes finally, nuzzling in closer to her sister’s embrace a little bit more, her arms tucked safely in her chest. She was going to be fine. This little fiasco she had will soon just be a memory just like the incident. It will be another thing that they all agreed not to talk about and pretended like never even happened until things turned semi-volatile. However, as long as the pot remained on simmer, the kettle couldn’t get dirty.

Chapter Text

The days with Vi were fine. Honestly, Jinx couldn’t really say much about them, everything felt like a blur from waking up the next morning, to going to work as her sister came with her and chatted about anything to get her to stop overthinking. Dorito Man seemed excited to see Vi, asking her questions about how the kids were, how Cait was, and if they were still planning on the barbecue get together once school let out. Jinx tried to tune him out as much as she could, only coming back in when she was asked a question as to if she was going or not. Her answer was simple; no. The excuse was nonexistent, however, but she didn’t have to explain as to why she wouldn’t be there. That was her business and hers alone, and also, she thought she would prefer to camp out at her place than drive the 7 hours it took to get to Vi’s. Bus tickets weren’t exactly cheap either, and she had to schedule her trips to visit Vi just so.

Also, she still felt like her mind was elsewhere, even with Vi trying to keep her out of it. Jinx was haunted. To be fair, she was haunted by a lot of things. However, those things she kept locked away in their own special box that only opened up if some outside force triggered the lock. Normally, she was able to navigate her life to make sure that none of the locks were broken into a million pieces and flooded her entire mind with thoughts of them. Unfortunately for her, she tempted fate, and now that entire box was shattered, leaving her trapped and replaying memories of her past and what she so desperately tried to keep her mind clear of. 

The dress she wore shimmered in the light of Vi’s bathroom, her face slack as she stared at herself in the mirror, turning her body so slightly to see the crystals on her dress dance in the warm light. Vi had saved up enough money to be able to purchase this dress. A pretty pink ball gown that made Jinx feel like a princess as she twirled around in it, watching the fabric flare out around her. She’s never felt this beautiful before. When Vi had shown her this dress she had scoffed at it, thinking it was much too pretty to be on her and certainly not her style. Jinx was looking for something more form fitting, something to accentuate her body a bit more and not showing what she lacked. Vi didn’t understand her taste at all and it showed. However, she tried it on because they were working on their relationship. They were trying, and the least she could do was try it on even though she had rolled her eyes at it.

Putting the dress on…it felt cheesy, but she felt herself come alive in the soft pink dress. It unlocked something so deep from her childhood that she tried to keep on lock and key, but it erupted like a volcano as soon as she saw herself in the mirror at the store. She felt…pretty. Who was she to once again deny her childhood self again? She was trying to heal that relationship with her anyway, so why not entertain her? Jinx had let her hands dance across the crystals, feeling a soft smile begin to form on her face. Vi had called her pretty. Vi had kept her promise that it would be just them together today. No Caitlyn. And Vi picked out her prom dress. And she felt pretty in it.

“You still want me to do your hair, Po-sorry, Jinx?” Vi asked, walking in on her as she let out a giggle as she twirled. Jinx stopped abruptly, eyes wide as Vi awkwardly adjusted herself. Vi was trying. She had her good days and bad days, but most days were good when it came to her name now. There were only sometimes where she slipped up, but things were good for about a year now. Vi barely had any mishaps now, and when she did, she made sure to apologize and correct herself. 

Jinx nodded nonetheless, doing one more twirl in the mirror before carefully picking up her skirts and stepping into Vi’s bathtub to sit on the lip of it. Her feet were still bare, but her matching shoes were by the front door, which she was excited about since they added about 4 inches to her height. She felt her sister start to run her fingers through her hair, unraveling the single braid she wore to bed last night. She had been too tired to do her normal pigtails. Jinx let out a hum as her sister’s fingers worked through her hair, already falling asleep as she messed around with it. 

“Gotta stay awake to tell me how you want it, goober.” Vi pinched her cheek affectionately, snapping her out of whatever sleep she was being coaxed into. Blowing a little raspberry, Jinx wrinkled her nose, kicking her feet against the tub.

“I don’t know? You bought all that hair supplies, right? Maybe a half up half down thing? With a fishtail? Maybe curled with those sparkly doodads you got?” Why she was framing everything she wanted into questions was beyond her. Couldn’t help how her fingers began to pick at her skin right where her nails were, already forgetting about the manicure she had gotten for herself just yesterday. She looked down, stopping her picking and instead scratched at her index finger with her thumbnail to help her nerves. Any minute she’ll start cracking her fingers and her cover will be blown. 

“Challenging my hair braiding skills, huh?” Vi chuckled as she brushed through her hair. Oop, there it was, she was putting her sister out. Her fingers itched as she bit the inside of her cheek, trying desperately to hide the nervous tick. “No need to stress, your big sis has this down pat.” 

Vi placed an awkward pat on her shoulder as she let out a shaky breath. What would she have done if she had picked something Vi didn’t have confidence in? Then again, Vi being unsure in anything seemed weird. The first few years of them living together were weird as they readjusted to one another, not knowing what to say around the other. Still, Vi instilled a fake confidence around her, or she managed to be a bit more confident in her approach with her strange little sister. There were still moments of unclarity, not knowing what to do and looking lost, but other than that, she seemed to get it back into working condition. It wasn’t how it was, but it will never be as it was before. They were new again, and had to learn how to jump back on the bike because relearning how to ride a bike again was not so easy as the damn phrase says it is. 

Jinx could feel herself dozing again, relaxing as her sister sectioned off her hair and began to put up half of it in a ponytail. Smoothing out any bumps in her hair with her comb dipped in some hairspray concoction. 

“Are you excited for tonight?” Vi asked, her voice sounded a little funny. Jinx guessed she had something in her mouth, her comb or maybe a rubber band. She shrugged her shoulders, allowing her sister to pull her back as she gripped onto the tub with her calves to prevent her from falling totally back. 

“I guess. I like the idea of dressing up and dancing. Maybe not with this group of people, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?” 

“You don’t want to dance with your classmates? Is that including or excluding Ekko?” At the mention of Ekko’s name, Jinx could feel her body heat up just a tad. She felt her breathing hitch, and if her sister noticed, she didn’t give any indication. Probably thought she tugged on her hair too much. Her feelings for Ekko were strange. She knew that she liked him, liked him a lot, but he was her best friend. Who the hell got together with their best friend and ruined a good thing like that? It was dangerous territory, and she refused to wade in those waters. 

“Ekko’s fine,” she grumbled, trying to ignore how her cheeks were growing hot. Hopefully Vi wouldn’t be able to notice with all the makeup she had on. Either way, Vi let out a laugh as she tied her hair into place, turning her body slightly to make sure the curling iron was heated up. 

“Speaking of, when is Little Man coming over here? I hope you gave us enough time to get you all ready, fed, and get some individual pictures.” Vi began to curl the ponytail she had just given her, probably to later to pin it all away to get to the bottom pieces. 

“He’s picking me up at 6. Prom starts at 7 and it ends at 11. You gotta pick me up, though. Ekko is going to an after party I think.” She smoothed out her dress a bit, suddenly feeling her hands get all sweaty from the heat of the bathroom and also the questions. She didn’t know why they made her nervous, they just did. 

“Hold up, why aren’t you going to the after party?”

“I wasn’t invited? Also, I just don’t want to go. I don’t know anyone there.” Her hands were sweating more. Admitting to Vi that she wasn’t invited was a stretch of the truth. Ekko had invited her, told her he wouldn’t mind giving her a ride there and back home so Vi and Caitlyn could have a full night to themselves. While she definitely didn’t mind spending more time with Ekko, she also knew that she wouldn’t really be spending time with him. He’d be off with his other friends from school while she would be in the corner. Normally, she could socialize well, make herself the center of attention, but there? At a party where some of the girls didn’t like her already because of how close she was with Ekko? Yeah, no, she’d gladly skip out on that. 

Vi didn’t push her further after that, seeming to get the hint that it was a subject that Jinx just didn’t want to talk about. After that, they sat in silence. It wasn’t awkward, but it also wasn’t comfortable. It was their new silence. Something caught right in the middle. As Vi finished her hair, Jinx heard a knock on the bathroom wall and a posh clear of the throat. Great. Not Miss. Prim and Perfect. Things had been going so well. 

“Sorry to intrude,” Jinx rolled her eyes at the apology, almost wanting to snap back as to why she even came in then. Still, she bit her tongue and kept her head trained to look right at the warm red wall. 

“Caity cat, come on in!” Vi’s voice was bright, which only made Jinx’s stomach curdle a bit, feeling that gnawing jealousy coming in. Vi was happier anytime Caitlyn was around. It made her feel inadequate, like she wasn’t enough for her. Would she ever be enough for anyone?

“I uh, I have something for you, Jinx. It was the only thing Violet let me get.” Jinx huffed as she heard her say Vi’s full name. Vi hated her full name. Well, she did until Little Miss Perfect started calling her  it. It used to be just Jinx that would be able to get away with it, now she had to share that privilege? Get in line, lady, Jinx was technically here first. Still, Jinx liked presents, so her ears perked up at that. Vi gave her a tap on the shoulder to assure her it was okay to turn around. “It’s not much, I didn’t know if you would be getting one since Vi told me you were going with Ekko as a friend, so I, yeah.”

Caitlyn brought out a pretty pink box, holding it out to her delicately. Eyeing the box suspiciously, Jinx took it from the obviously stressed out woman’s hands. Jinx narrowed her eyes a bit, left hand curling in on itself as it hesitated to open it. Biting the bullet, Jinx roughly opened the box, her eyebrows knitting together as she looked at what was in the box. Flowers. Pink and white roses looked back at her with baby’s breath tucked protectively with them. A sparkly silver band reflected the light in the bathroom, reminding her of her crystals on her bodice. Confusion hit her like a train, what the hell?

Ever the best at reading people, Caitlyn began rocking on her heels nervously, hands stiffly by her side as she didn’t know what to do with them. 

“It’s a corsage! Normally the date gets it, but again, I didn’t know if you would be getting one. It goes on your wrist and its old time use was to ward off evil spirits, and–” Caitlyn cut herself off, Jinx no doubt it was because she knew she sounded ridiculous. The tall woman took a deep breath, suddenly letting herself relax. “I just didn’t want you to be left out. I also wanted to make sure you were safe as stupid as it sounds.”

Jinx blinked. Caitlyn wanted to make sure she was safe? Did Caitlyn actually care about her or was this an act to impress Vi? Still, why go through all that trouble though? And to even match the flowers to her dress. Jinx hadn’t told her what her dress looked like, she tended to ignore all of Caitlyn’s questions directed at her, but she still found out somehow. Maybe Vi told her, but she still asked. Jinx couldn’t explain it, but something blossomed a little bit more in her heart for the woman.

“Thanks, Hat Lady, I’m sure it’ll make a great snack for later!” Jinx still had to joke around with the woman, it wouldn’t be her if she didn’t, no matter how much the gift touched her. Caitlyn blinked at her, her face mortified for just a moment before a lightbulb went off in her head.

“Right, that was a joke. Got it. I’m just gonna go check on the food.” Caitlyn turned on her heel, and suddenly Jinx felt bad for the joke. Caitlyn really did try. She didn’t have to get her anything, but she still did because she wanted to. Who knows if it was to impress Vi or not, but she had to pretend for now it was to make her happy. 

“Hey, Caitlyn?” She called out, the use of her actual name stopping the dark haired woman in her tracks. Curiously, Caitlyn turned around, her eyes full of shock as Jinx voluntarily called for her. Jinx’s mouth suddenly felt like it was full of bread as she struggled to form a sentence. Has she literally never been nice to this woman that now it was hard to be nice to her? Jinx stabbed her thumb nail into both index fingers in hope the pain would snap her out of it. “I uh, I just wanted to say that I really do like it, and thank you.”

The way that Caitlyn’s face lit up at her admission. A warm smile full of care and gentleness burst in on her features. Caitlyn was so happy that she let herself smile with her two front teeth showing. That didn’t normally happen as she was self-conscious about her tooth gap. Though, there it was on full display as Jinx watched the woman’s body release any tension she had and was replaced with a gentle floatiness. 

“I’m glad you like it. You look beautiful, Jinx.”

“Jinx?” A heavily accented voice broke her out of her prolonged daydream. She had jumped slightly, not noticing which tool she was working with until the flame had burned her and she immediately shook her hand from the pain. Jinx quickly extinguished the flame and turned the gas off from the torch before whirling around and facing the man who got her hand burned.

“Isn’t there safety measures in place about scaring your coworkers as they’re playing with dangerous tools?” Jinx scolded, only sounding harsh because her hand fucking hurt like a bitch. She’ll need to run it under cool water at some point. Wait, maybe that was for immediate burns. Fuck, it’ll have to wait.

“Like you follow any of them.” The man snarked with a click of his tongue. Jinx simply rolled her eyes, putting the torch down on the table next to her before examining her flesh and seeing the angry red burn. She hissed, knowing that it was probably going to start bubbling up soon enough, and going to first aid was getting embarrassing at this point with all the accidents she got herself into. Honestly, the nurse in there was beginning to set out her own little station full of supplies with how often she got hurt. The station even had some of her favorite magazines just in case she had to wait in there for whatever accident she got herself into. “I was trying to get your attention before you picked up the torch, though your mind seems…elsewhere?”

Sighing, Jinx got up from her seat and stretched, feeling the satisfying pops from her back as she did so. Even Viktor knew that her mind wasn’t where it needed to be, who knows if Mr. Triangle also saw it. He probably complained to Viktor in the first place after Vi had left about how spacey she had been.  How he was planning to remove her from the conference’s program all together since she obviously couldn’t be trusted. Swinging her arms roughly down, she turned her attention back to Viktor who was now sitting in one of the plush chairs that her boss kept solely for him in the lab. It was normally against protocol, but Viktor was the only exception. 

“It’s nothing, I’ve just been tired with my stay at Vi’s. You know how those go.”

“Ah yes, I also noticed how she came back with you this time. That bad?” Jinx swore under her breath. Fuck Viktor for his perception, nothing ever got past him. 

“It was fine,” she grumbled, picking the torch back up and frowning at it as she examined it. The nozzle seemed to still warp with heat and she was tempted to touch it just to see if it was still as hot as it was before, but stopped herself. Stupid impulse control and how it had a delayed response. “I just saw someone I didn’t want to see. It’s over with, and I’ll never see them again.”

That seemed to pique Viktor’s interest. The older man got up warily, struggling only slightly to hoist himself up on his cane and walk over to her. Grabbing the torch from her hand as if knowing what her brain had wanted to do. 

“Oh? An ex-lover?” Jinx really wanted to throw something. Her face must’ve looked like she was about to kill because Viktor put his hands up defensively, the subject was going to be dropped. “Are you ready for this weekend, though?”

Humming in response, and already feeling on edge, Jinx drummed her fingers on her workstation. A pit of nerves engulfed her as she thought about this weekend, making her ears itch and body begin to sweat as hundreds of doubts lashed out at her. Was she ready? The young woman honestly couldn’t answer, she had been designated to number girl for years now, only getting to see a glimpse of the inventions she was helping on and never able to get her own ideas out there. She had only moved up to being on the team to see if anything blew up and as fun as that was, she still wanted to get her own ideas out there. Weapons weren't really what HexTech Corporations stood for, and unfortunately for her, that was what she was interested in. That was her final build in school, and yeah the idea of it got her top marks, but the actual execution of it was deemed too dangerous. Still passed and graduated, though. 

It wasn’t until two years ago that she started having an idea that was beyond weaponry and inspired by her foster father before Vi came in the picture again. His eye was a constant bother for him, was constantly on medication to dull the pain and also try to save the eye as much as they could. He went through replacements, but none of them ever really took. It got Jinx’s brain turning, there had to be a better way to ensure the right match of something took. Something to up the chances so that no one else had to go through their body rejecting anything all over again. 

It brought her little discovery and a chip that will hopefully start going through some more trials if she gets the backing from some more people in the field willing to try it. The chip would go into the transplant and it would hopefully help the process of integrating the transplant with the body by letting it send out signals to let it be accepted. Hopefully one of the big shots took interest in the device so they could back it even more and start to talk about a trial process. It would work, she fully believed in that. Someone just needed to believe in the device to give them the money to fully get into it. 

“What are the chances that Heimerdinger himself would be interested in it?” Jinx asked, her hands subconsciously going to one of her braids and began to play with it, braiding her ends over and over to give her hands something to do. Viktor pinched his eyebrows together, a finger scratching his temple slightly as a frown was ever so present on his features. Jinx only asked because she knew that Viktor had been in Heimerdinger’s internship and worked with him personally before developing HexTech with Talis. His interest in the device would be a game changer, it would get her on the map and also other sponsors to have more interest in her. Viktor knew Heimerdinger. He knew what the old man was looking for and the gnawing anxiety that she wasn’t good enough was enough to make her scream.

“I really couldn’t tell you, especially since I believe Heimerdinger won’t be there this year anyway.” Viktor explained, looking down at her little carefree project that was just to turn her brain off. It hadn’t really worked. “What are these?”

Jinx didn’t appreciate the change in subject as he looked down at her free time work. The little butterflies were just for fun, a toy really that fluttered around the room and imitated the actual insect. They were simple to make, and she was almost tempted to put a little bomb in the pretty things, that way when she detonated them, she could imagine blowing up her memories and hopefully get her to stop thinking about back then. 

“Just something fun to do on the side. They don’t do much, just fly around. If Talis likes them, we could put them out as a kids toy.” She answered, picking one up and smiling down at them softly. They were pretty. Maybe they would benefit better if they emitted a soft light as they floated around, something to help with the night and stresses of the dark. The woman who was trapped in her past knew all about fearing the dark. So maybe they could be used for that and not little bombs, even though that did sound fun. “Why isn’t Heimer gonna be there? Does he have a golf tournament or something?”

“I really couldn’t tell you. All I know is that his partner is going in his stead and he’s the one that knows what Heimerdinger is looking for.” Viktor totally glossed over her comment, not wanting to entertain her all that much. Pouting a bit, Jinx played with one of the wings on the butterflies, feeling a deep rooted satisfaction when they moved up and down without any problem. Well oiled and made well. Maybe she could wound it up and see how far it’ll go. “I do know his partner is supposedly brilliant. Graduated top of his class and got the job right out of school. Heimerdinger had been looking at him for a while, apparently.”

Jinx just scoffed, of course Heimerdinger’s partner was brilliant, probably had all the necessary tutors he needed growing up. Got into the top rated engineering school with old money and probably had the entire school board in his back pocket. Fucking rich kids, with just the right amount of money they can do anything they want. Fuck them. 

“I’ll take that with a grain of salt. Probably has some poor intern explaining everything to him.” Grumbling bitterly, Jinx wound up the little toy, watching as it clicked into its starting position before fluttering its wings and taking off. Something about watching the little butterfly take flight melted away her stress as she imagined it casting warm light to keep the monsters at bay. Yeah, maybe that’s what she’ll advertise it as to Talis, especially if all went well at the conference. The man had to take her more seriously as an inventor then. Though, there was still doubt eating away at her. Heimerdinger wouldn’t be there, he was always at these events, and every new probable invention that got his seal of approval always took off. Jinx had been betting on him being there and taking interest, and now it was his lousy partner? Serves her right, as soon as she gets to go to one of these things, she jinxes herself even before the event. 

“I wouldn’t write him off so quickly if I were you. I don’t know much about his background, but he has been Heimerdinger’s partner for a while now. He keeps himself pretty private, though, no one knows what he looks like or his name. I’m surprised he’s been able to keep it a secret for so long.” A simple roll of her eyes was all she did to explain to Viktor just how disinterested she was in this person. The only reason why he kept himself so private was because he was embarrassed that he only got the position because of the status he came from. He knew that if anyone knew who his family was, they would be skeptical of him. Jinx already had this figured out, she lived with Caitlyn long enough to know what this was all about. 

Her little butterfly made its crashing descent down to the ground, causing Jinx to wince. Maybe there should be a calling device to bring them to one place safely so they don't risk breaking. That was for another day though as she made her way over to her butterfly cringing as she saw the mangled wings. It was too delicate for a kids toy. The calling device would have to suffice though, especially if she wanted this to be a sleeping agent. Something to extend their use until the child no longer needed an aid for sleep. 

“I mean, people have created a nickname for him. Firelight I think they call him?”

A flash of memory, two people sitting on top of a roof together. It was late, but the night had been so welcoming. She had invited him over that night to look at the stars in the early summer going into their senior year. Their hands were too close to one another, but she hadn’t minded, hadn’t noticed yet. He was there pointing out everything, his voice trailing off as a little flashing green bug came into view. 

“Firelights,” his voice was distant, but the awe in his eyes made her want to look at the bug even more, to see what he saw from it. They once brought her hope as a child, and it seemed that Ekko still had the same sentiment to the little creatures. A giggle escaped her as the little firelight perched itself right on his nose and lit up his face in a green light.

“He likes you,” she remarked as Ekko put a gentle finger on his nose and let the bug crawl on it. Swiftly, he moved the bug closer to her face and smiled as the bug flew off and landed in her hair, causing another laugh from out of her.

“It looks like you have a little hair accessory. It's beautiful.” Something about the way he said the word beautiful gave Jinx a pause. Suddenly, her cheeks were heating up and her eyes wide just a bit as she thought. Her mind was rationalizing with her, he didn’t say that she was beautiful, he only said that the little firelight looked beautiful in her hair, but still. The way his eyes were soft and how close their hands still were made Jinx’s heart begin to clamor from inside her chest. Her lips began to tingle, her eyes darting to his lips quickly and her hopeless romantic side came out and wondered how soft they would be against hers. Why was she feeling like this? What was going on?

“I thought I told you two to stop going up on the roof!” A snap from her daze as her sister called up to them. The teenager groaned and rolled her eyes as she clumsily got herself up from her sitting position. Since when did Vi turn into such a killjoy? 

“We’d better get going.” She announced, flinging her braid over her shoulder as she watched the firelight escape from her hair. So much for being beautiful she guessed.

“It’s just a coincidence.” Shaking her head, Jinx walked back to her desk and placed the butterfly down. “I think I’m taking an early lunch. I’ll look over your numbers for your other project later, okay?”

Not even waiting for an answer, Jinx collected her bag and was out the door. There was no way. It was simply a coincidence. More people in the world had to like firelights enough to be okay with being called that as a screen name. Now, it would be different if his name was Little Man, or even The Boy who was Going to Shatter Time. That’s what he tended to brand himself as in school as he talked about the probability of time travel. 

There was no time to let this crowd her mental capacity. She was already letting it do that for far too long. She had to delete everything from her mind again so she could focus on making sure her invention was approved by some pompous fuckwad to make sure his boss took interest. The young woman clutched her bag closer to her, she would show them exactly who she is. Her device will get the most accolades and grants, and everyone else can suck it. It was her time to shine. 

The week went by quickly for her as she spent most of her time focused on perfecting her presentation and device. Something to make it even more remarkable to really catch the eye. It had to be perfect. Absolutely magnificent to knock the socks off of those bitches. Sure, she had many sleepless nights to make sure her device was perfect, but she could make up for all that on the bus ride. That’s what she told her therapist anyway. It was a long way to the venue from her place, anyway, she would be able to get sufficient sleep. 

Double checking her bag to make sure she had everything, Jinx took one hefty sigh. She’ll be able to do this, she could do this, her invention was brilliant after all, and if that meant more people had a chance at successes and less problems when it came to transplants, then it was perfect! If the board saw how valuable the device was, then think about the future possibilities that could come out of this idea! The very idea made her giddy, her teeth sucking her bottom lip into a smile as she hopped in her room just so. It wasn’t destructive, no, but it was still just as grand. Her eye caught on a framed picture of her, Vi, and Caitlyn with their younger kid at her college graduation. They had adopted him a few months before her graduation after fostering him for about two years before then. Jinx caught herself smiling warmly at the photo, thinking about the day fondly and looking back on her life just years prior. To her at that moment, she had made it. Even with the ups and downs of her first semester of getting back on her feet and being put on academic probation, she had made it. And now, she was going to do it again. She was about to get her invention out there, she just knew it. 

Grinning, she snapped her suitcase closed, zipping it up with newfound energy. She was going to rock the socks off of everyone and make Heimerdinger regret sending out his little partner! They were all going to be praising her for her invention. Collecting her suitcase from her bed and grabbing her phone, Jinx was out the door. Quickly pressing on a contact ID, Jinx locked her apartment door, the phone only going to its second ring before being picked up. 

“Hey, Pow-Pow, you doing okay?” 

“Doing keen peachy! Just letting you know I’m on my way to the bus station and I’ll call you when I get settled into the hotel room.” Jinx placed her phone against her shoulder and pressed her head onto it to keep it in place as she readjusted her belongings. She was only there for four days, but the woman was an over-packer. What if a disaster happened? She had to be prepared for absolutely anything. 

“Cool, cool, cool.” A sudden twinge in her sister’s voice had her stopping in her readjustment, her eyes narrowing. 

“Are you doing okay there, sissy-poo?” The nickname was meant to get a laugh from out of her sister, but instead it got her a sigh. Sheesh, maybe she was spending too much time with Caitlyn. They were married so she guessed that checked out. Still, it had Jinx crinkling her nose as though there was a bad scent in the air. 

“Look, Pow, I’m not going to lie to you. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to tell you this, but Caitlyn told me that when we were over at your place that Ekko came over to see if he could talk to you.” A hefty ball of ice dropped into the pit of Jinx’s stomach. How obsessive could he be? What did he even want to talk about? There was nothing. It happened, she dealt with it, and also it was 10 years ago. If he wanted to question her about her decision, then he should’ve been there when she had asked him to be. Couldn’t he just put the past in the past and accept where they are now? 

“He’s still as persistent as ever.” Her words came out short as she roughly moved her body to stop being stuck in place. Her suitcase jerked violently at her sudden movement as fire seeped through her blood. Why couldn’t he just let it be after knowing everything? Why did he have to keep trying to stir the pot? Her head was beginning to throb at the new information displayed before her. How could he still be wanting more? Their time together was over, they were friends, they had one moment, and now they were as good as strangers. They just…weren’t meant to be as cliché as that sounded. 

Why did her heart tell her differently though? Why did it yearn for him in ways she never yearned for anyone else? It could be because she was never in a relationship before that lasted for more than 3 weeks. What she saw in Ekko at the time of being a teenager felt so much more than all her other relationships. Jinx had felt free with Ekko, like he wasn’t judging her all the time whenever she decided to be herself. He would sigh and shake his head, but it never felt like he was judging her, just lightly teasing her. Warmth spread across her cheeks at the thought, and fuck her, she was still trapped as a teenager with a stupid crush. 

“Pow?” Her sister’s soft voice nudged her out of her trance as she shook her head. Leave the past in the past. That’s where it belonged afterall, the promises made back then had to stay there. There was no point in dwelling on the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. 

Jinx hummed in response, shifting her bags a bit more as she made her way down the stairs. She’ll have to call an Uber once she gets off the phone with her sister. Or maybe she’ll just walk. Honestly, she hadn’t made up her mind yet. 

“I was just asking if you wanted me to do anything? Like, scare him off? I don’t know?” Jinx almost yelled at that. The last thing she needed was her big sister to be threatening Ekko to keep off her back. Yeah, no, she knew that Vi had once viewed Ekko as a little brother, the last thing she wanted was that.

“Nope, Vi, I’m good on that front, promise ya!” Her voice sounded strained and clipped. Jinx cleared her throat, the last thing she also needed was her sister being concerned for her wellbeing. She couldn’t deal with that even more. “Look, I was only calling to let you know I was on my way out. I’ll call you when I get to my hotel.” She reiterated, more for herself than anyone else. 

“Alright. Have a safe trip, Pow-Pow.” Vi’s voice was full of affection that Jinx sometimes didn’t know what to do with. Still, a soft smile shifted her lips just slightly as she continued to walk down the stairs. “Oh! I almost forgot. Caitlyn pulled in a favor. Jayce is there with his driver. I know that money is tight, I didn’t want you spending more money on Ubers.”

Jinx groaned loudly. Leave it to her sister to once again try to help her even though she had her own life to worry about. Also, what would she know about her being tight on money? Jinx refused to talk about her finances with her sister because of this. Vi might hate to accept money from anyone, but she sure as hell loved to give it out to her darling sister. Her sister explained that it was so she was comfortable, but Jinx was 28, she could take care of herself. 

“Don’t do that, you’re all going on the same bus. It made sense, Pow.” 

“You’re insufferable.” Jinx mumbled, glancing over the railing and seeing the limo parked out there. Jayce’s wife was someone pretty important, so it  made sense that they flaunted their wealth. A shiver creeped up her spine. The last time she was in a limo was on the way to prom. Not even Vi and Caitlyn had a limo for their wedding. Nope, they went with a horse drawn carriage like it was fucking Buckingham Palace. Something about Cait’s parents paying for the whole thing and putting their foot down with Vi to let them go all out. Weird how that night ended with the three of them on the floor of the living room drinking the leftover champagne and eating platters full of sushi from Jericho’s. 

“I love you, Little P!” 

“I’m going to kick your fucking ass, Violet.” Jinx growled, yeah she did not give her sister permission to call her that. The next time she sees her, Jinx is going to give Vi what she deserves. A nice swift ass kicking, and maybe even a glitter bomb in her work files. That would teach her.

All she got from that was Vi laughing at her. Pouting, Jinx promptly hung up the phone, thoroughly annoyed with her sister’s antics by this point. There was a nagging part of her that was telling her that she was being rude. That Vi was only trying to joke around to ease her mind about other pressing matters and that she was just once again trying to help. Regardless, Jinx didn’t appreciate it. She was already thrown off kilter by having to sit in a car with Jayce and make awkward small talk. Normally, conversation came easy to her. It was a gift that she learned from Vi, but Jayce? It seemed like the two of them just couldn’t find any common ground. Everything he said and did made her want to roll her eyes and question. Everything she did just seemed to piss him off. Why he agreed to be her ride had everything to do with his loyalties to Caitlyn. She’ll give the woman a call later and beg her to never ask Talis to pick her up again. 

Invisible eyes made the hair on her neck stand up. Jinx knew this was kind of out of the ordinary to have a limo here. In the years she had been living here, she doesn’t think she has seen one roaming the parking lot. Not even for homecoming and prom season. She knew that any neighbor who was looking out of their windows right now would be curious. Even more curious when the driver came out as she neared the car to grab her bags. Jinx could feel her face flush in embarrassment, wanting to assure the man she could handle it herself, but also she didn’t want to offend him. 

The few etiquette lessons she had tuned into as a kid were basically gone. The most she remembers was to always start from the outside when it came to silverware, and to never have her elbows on the table. Whatever, elbows belonged on the table, why else were they elbow height? 

Her throat made a gargle squeaking noise as her belongings were taken from her. It was different from when Vi took her things. When she took her things, Jinx could normally play fight with her. Gently punching her in the arm and cracking jokes with her, calling her a pack mule or whatever. Whatever to get her sister to laugh. Trying beyond all things to make the hardships they faced together to just disappear so they could just laugh and smile from now on. Too bad she keeps fucking it up with her emotional pendulum.

The poor man seemed to struggle with her belongings, and all she wanted to do was help him. However, how do you offer help without seeming rude? What if he took it offensively and thought she was a bigger asshole now? God damn why did she have to over pack? It was only for the weekend, for four days. There was no reason for all of these bags. Fuck, she was an asshole. It was too late to unpack some stuff because then she’ll just hold everyone up. That’ll only make her a bigger asshole. An asshole who overpacked, who didn’t value other people’s time, and offended a man since she thought he was struggling. Fuck.

“Miss?” In her spiraling, Jinx hadn’t realized that the man had moved everything into the trunk and opened the door for her. Shit, did she really space out that badly this time? It was surprisingly easy for her to do that, and after this past weekend, it was made all the easier. Her mind trapped her with memories, replaying them before her like a movie and not giving her any mercy. Digging her nails into her palms, Jinx placed a terse smile to hopefully make herself more presentable and less like a teenage girl trapped in an adult body.

“Sorry, I thought I left something on! Silly me!” Her tone was strained once again which only made her cringe even more. Scurrying to the door and sending out an even more strained thank you, crashing into the seat available to her. She refused to make eye contact with Talis, imagining his beady eyes to be out on the floor with her abruptness. Jinx had not mentally prepared herself for this. Between having to spend more time with her boss and also being in a limo, it set her on edge. Her mind wouldn’t be kind, she knew that.

Whatever message she was sending out apparently worked. Progress Man didn’t say anything to her as she put her head back on the headrest. The swirling in her stomach made her hands sweat as she clenched and unclenched them, feeling her breathing accelerate. Fucking reunion really had to open a door for her that filled her entire being with panic. Jinx couldn’t remember the last time she had thrown up due to so much anxiety. Maybe it was during her last final semester right before she presented Fishbones. Still, it was never pleasant. 

Everything was fine. All she had to do was focus on her breathing exercises her therapist had instructed her to use. Taking in a deep breath, Jinx opened her eyes, looking directly out the window. The tinted glass did little to comfort her. Instead, it only made her see her 18 year old self in the reflection, hair lovingly curled as the crystals twinkled as they caught the light. 

Jinx doesn’t think she has ever been in a car this fancy a day in her life. The parent who made the call for this really went all out as the limo was also stocked with a minibar with some sodas in it. It felt so unlike her, and she has also never felt more awkward in her entire life. She was in a car with mostly strangers. 

The only person that she knew was Ekko. A couple of weeks prior, Ekko had asked her if she would be willing to join in with some of his friends to go to prom in a limo. Like a loser, she said yes. She knew that she wouldn’t be going to the afterparty. Sure, Ekko had also asked her to go, but she declined, coming up with the excuse that she was going to watch a movie with Vi. 

Still, the way his face looked when he came to pick her up to take the both of them to the designated location was…something else. He had looked awestruck, like she was possibly the most beautiful person he had ever seen, and it felt good. It felt really good. Ekko couldn’t speak for a few moments as he just stared at her, which had Vi pushing a bowl of pasta into his hands.

“You’re drooling there, Little Man.” Vi teased, winking at Jinx a little. Jinx had simply wrinkled her nose and shoved her sister, feeling her face heat up. Stupid sisters.

A hand pulled her out from looking at her hair sparkle. A warm hand that she knew well. Pulling herself away from the window, she grinned at him, squeezing his hand just so. 

“You doing okay?” His voice was full of sweet concern, and Jinx could barely contain her heart from beating out of her chest. She knew what he was asking. The people and how many were strangers. She had felt them staring at her like a zoo animal when she had met up with them alongside Ekko. Her palms were slick with sweat no matter how many times she wiped them down on her tulle skirt. These were Ekko’s friends. Ekko had friends outside of her, and that was fine. Ekko was just a people person. He knew what to say and how to say it without coming off as threatening. Meanwhile, everything she said was met with a bewildered look and a slow step back. She was a bit unnerving to some people. That was fine.

Instead of vocally saying anything, Jinx just nodded, afraid of what her voice would do. It would probably give her all away if she did. Still, her unoccupied hand made it so it was occupied. It twirled in the first layer of her skirt, wringing her fingers through the sparkly rough fabric. Jinx didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know if she should try to make small talk with his friends, or pretend she didn’t exist at all. Let Ekko do all the talking so it didn’t look like she was taking up all of his time. She was sure his friends weren’t too pleased that he brought her. They thought she was weird. Oh well, she was here now, so too bad for them. They could think she was weird all they wanted. That still didn’t give her the confidence to really say much, though. 

“Hey.” Jinx’s heart leaped into her throat as Ekko’s other hand took her cheek and swiftly made her look at him. She gulped, looking around to make sure none of his friends were paying attention. Her eyes bugged out when she saw a girl whispering in another girl’s ear, then laughing just a little bit. They were talking about her. Talking about what a clingy ass bitch she is. Fuck, this was a mistake, clearly. She should’ve just told Ekko she would meet up with him at prom, to avoid all of this bullshit. “Look at me, Jinx.”

Reluctantly, she did. Ekko took a deep breath which she followed in suit, her body only feeling more tense. 

“You’re okay.” His voice was low and comforting, and all Jinx wished to do was curl into his lap and never leave. He was trying to make sure the others didn’t hear him, and Jinx couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. “I was just going to ask if Vi wouldn’t mind if I crashed your movie session. I don’t think I’ll be up for the afterparty.”

Jinx quickly frowned. Why wouldn’t he be up to it? He seemed so excited when he was asking her to go before, and now he wasn’t into it? Weird. All of his friends will be there too, so why would he want to bail? To what, spend the night at her place and watch a stupid movie? Or she’ll make Vi watch A Series of Unfortunate Events . They were near the endgame, but Vi kept ditching her to spend time with Prissy Pants. 

“Won’t your friends miss you?” Jinx couldn’t stop herself from nuzzling into the palm of his hand a bit. It was a force of habit since she always did that with Vi. Fuck, did she make this awkward? Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. 

Instead of looking bothered by it, Ekko just shrugged. There was a certain nonchalance to his reaction, completely unbothered by it all, and unbothered that his friends would miss him. 

“I kind of want a chill night after prom. Plus a night in with you sounds a lot better than getting way too hammered.” He smirked at her and she couldn’t help but smirk back. Yeah, it was gonna be a good night with just her bestie. Maybe she’ll guilt trip Vi to let him spend the night, too. It’ll be a perfect ending to what’s supposed to be a perfect night. 

Fuck, this was going to be a weekend. 

All of a sudden, Jinx was in another costume of hers. This time, her skirt wasn’t confining her legs in case she had to make a quick getaway. It was a simple dark green flare skirt that didn’t look awkward on her. Curse her short genes. Vi took all the height, the bitch. Even though she wasn’t wearing what she was used to, her clothing still felt better than wearing Caitlyn’s things. Nothing rode up or hung on her awkwardly, and she actually didn’t feel like a kid who was taking clothes from their mother’s closet. Her hair was in a single braid that fell right below her hips, she thought it was fit to actually wear one today instead of the two. The last thing she wanted was to be mistaken for a kid. 

Even with her adult costume on, Jinx still felt as she did at the reunion. Out of place, awkward, and worst of all, unimportant. No one knew who she was, which is fair since this was her first big thing. Her first time being invited to the conference and her first time introducing her device. It was tucked safely somewhere backstage, ready to make its debut. All she had to do was socialize until Viktor came over to tell her it was time. Simple enough. 

It was at times like this that she wished she wasn’t on medications so that she could drink some of the champagne. Anything to shake the nerves of talking to people and pretend she was in her room talking to herself. Unfortunately, she wasn’t that lucky. She was lowering her dose to wean herself off eventually with her therapist's supervision. Still, it was a slow process, and with the amount of setbacks she had this past week, she was sure she was going to start it all over again. Whatever kept her together, she was fine with it. 

With the thought of spiraling on her mind, Jinx took out her pill tube again to take her meds. She really needed to get better at them at a consistent time. Speaking of consistent times, she also took out her birth control pills. Since all of them were going down the hatch, why not?

With a little nod to science, she popped her anti grippy socks pill in her mouth first, followed by her no oopsies pill. It was simple. She’s used to taking them in public. Did it all the time because sometimes that’s just where you are when it befalls upon the time. Most people don’t bat an eye. Some people ask if everything is okay. Idiots berate, gnashing out words they don’t even understand. It made her laugh. 

“You know, most people would think you were doing something nefarious.” A chill ran down her spine. No, no, no. There was no fucking way. This was just her mind playing tricks on her, that’s it. Her mind was a strange trauma filled landmine that was just waiting to implode. There it was, it was now imploding! Only took 28 years to get to it. “I think it’s a good thing I’m not like most people.”

Whirling around, Jinx had to see if her brain was getting way too imaginative for its own well-being. And there he was, right in front of her. He was just as perfect as when she saw him last, like a work of art. Michelangelo himself must’ve crawled out of his grave to craft Ekko because…fuck. He was just way too good looking. Still, even with his beauty being so striking, Jinx couldn’t let herself melt. She had to steel herself, she had to get through this weekend. 

“What in the “I’m not like other girls” is that? And what the fuck are you doing here?” Jinx snarled. Maybe there was too much bite, especially with how they left things, but she was on the defense mode. For the second time in one week, she was going to be met with something she didn’t want to be met with. Ekko for his part only put his hands up in a mock surrender. There was no smile on his face, just sheer confusion and slack jaw as he tried to muster up something.

“I was invited? Look, I’m sorry for sneaking up on you, but–”

“Also, why the fuck are you going to Vi’s house? What makes you think that’s okay?” The sudden remembering of him trying to go over there sparked in her head, making her vigor stronger. Jinx saw a flash of anger in his eyes, saw how he clenched his jaw and how his hands came down stiffly to his side.

“I wouldn’t have to go to Vi’s house if you would talk to me!”

“What do you mean if I talk to you? I did talk to you, and now there’s nothing left to discuss. It’s in the past, it happened, and you can’t do your little Boy Savior thing to turn back the clock.” She hissed, trying not to alert everyone else around her. She had to be on her best behavior after all. Who knows who this secret person Heimerdinger had go in his stead. 

“I just–”

“What? You’re going to yell at me about it? Going to spew out some insults? Hit me with your best fucking shot, Little Man, because the protestors certainly didn’t hold back. I promise I can take it.” Crossing her arms defensively, Jinx took a step back. Not because she was afraid of him, but she had to give herself enough room to run away and disappear into the crowd. Hopefully, she’ll find Viktor in this large hall full of people. Tell him that he needed to hide her until she gave the presentation. 

“That’s not–”

“Give me a fucking break. Just leave me alone, okay?” Jinx turned on her heel, feeling her mouth go sour at this potential last altercation with him. How she much preferred their last one than this. That one at least felt like it should be final, a little bittersweet, but with a closed door. This one was just all bitter, with her feelings shooting out all over the place. She had loved him once upon a time. It took her too long to realize her feelings, but once she realized them, they consumed her. Had it been just an innocent crush, she would’ve made it out unscathed. But no, Jinx had been in love. A slow build that ended disastrously. Now, she just kept that side of her muted. Or so she thought.

Jinx was still in love with him.

There was no way of escaping that. Ekko had reopened a door she had nailed shut and now it refused to shut again. She assumed in another universe things could’ve played out differently. Maybe they were happy. Maybe there weren’t all these confusing feelings between them. Hopefully there wasn’t a prom pregnancy thrown into the mix to set everything on fire.

“God, if you would let me get a word in edgewise.” She heard him mumble. Jinx wanted to slap him. There should be no reason why he was still beating the dead horse. There was nothing else to say. She gave him what he wanted at the reunion. What else was there?

Still, she couldn’t let this break her. Pretending she hadn’t heard his comment, Jinx decided to leave her little spot. There was something that the Misticheskiy sisters shook hands on, it was their stubbornness. They could probably fuel a small country with it. If they were done with a conversation, they would end it, and that was it. Normally. Sometimes Caitlyn would start it and tell them to stop shutting down. She was really annoying with that. 

Jinx weaved through the people, trying to spot her closest person she could call a friend around here. He normally kept to himself at these functions with what she picked up from over the years. Jinx couldn’t blame him. It was stuffy and gross, and too many people who thought that they were important were here. Then again, those same people had fat wallets to fund a project they saw fit. Maybe she should schmooze them. Put on the classy daughter act. However, she was a little drained to do that now. 

Finally spotting Viktor as she (politely) shoved past some old guy, she waved him down to catch his eye. He was by the buffet sitting down, staring aimlessly around the place. Damn he was smart. He caught her wave, tiredly waving back, a small smile on his face. Breaking free from the chattering, Jinx walked over to him, sitting down roughly on the floor once she got to him. A huff escaped her and she finally felt her adrenaline going down. 

“Everything okay with you?” Viktor awkwardly patted her head a little bit like he would a kitten. Weirdo. Whatever, Viktor was allowed to be weird. 

“Oh, just peachy. Ran into someone I didn’t want to, and now I know I have to be on edge for the rest of this trip. Just swell!” She reached up to the table and blindly looked for something to munch on. Bread would be preferable, but she will eat butter. She had no shame after all that happened. Taking pity on her, Viktor put a bread roll in her reach, letting her snatch it up and go to town on it. “I would kill for a shot of fireball right now.”

“That bad?” Jinx hated the sound of pity that came from her friend. Sure, she tended to complain a lot, and sure, she tended to have these moments often, but still. Jinx couldn’t really place her finger on it. “Well, may I present an imaginary shot?”

Jinx snorted, bringing one of knees up to her chest. She was wearing shorts underneath, she was fine. 

“I’ve had enough of things that aren’t there to last me a lifetime, Vikky-boy.” She told him flatly, but still miming raising a shot glass up and then taking it. It would’ve been better if it had burned her throat, but alas, there was only so much her imagination will allow her to do on her own freewill. 

“Does it have to do with you being distracted this week?” There was an innocence in how he asked, like he genuinely wanted to know. Jinx saw right through it, though. 

“I wasn’t distracted.” She ripped the bread with her teeth aggressively and munched like it was her last piece of food. Once again, she had reached defensive mode. Viktor got the message and only tutted his tongue slightly. 

“I get it. But, the good news is there’s only one more day of this, and since you’re presenting tonight, you probably won’t have to go tomorrow. Unless you really want to hear Jayce’s closing speech.” His words were kind and Jinx couldn’t help but smile. 

“I might just skip out on that then.”

“Great, you two are together. Jinx, you’re up!” Jayce announced as he walked over. Like a deer in headlights, Jinx looked at him, terrified for the first time of presenting. Her brain was going into overdrive knowing that Ekko was in the audience somewhere, fuming at her. Now she was going to put a target on her back in telling him where exactly she was. “I hope you managed to track down Heimerdinger’s guy. Apparently he’s pretty slippery…is she okay?”

He directed the question to Viktor as if she was incapable of saying how she was. Maybe she was. To be honest, she didn’t know how she was feeling. Her mind was going a mile a minute and she felt like she was about to throw up. Her anxiety had never felt this bad before. The bread she was munching on was suddenly sand and she desperately needed something to drink. Her nails itched to scrape across her skin, and her knuckles ached to be cracked. Ekko was out there. He would be watching her, very possibly listening to her talk about her device. Why did she feel insecure about him listening to her talk about it? Fuck Ekko and whatever he thought, she was going to be the best. Whatever he was potentially presenting was going to be crushed and she would impress this guy who was Heimerdinger’s bitch. Fuck, she had forgotten to figure out who that was. Goddammit. There was no way that Ekko didn’t figure it out. He knew everyone. Probably schmoozed the sucker and grabbed him right from under her nose. Fuck that, she would not be intimidated by that noise. She just had to be better. 

“ I’m fine.” Her voice was hoarse and raspy and it sounded like she had just been screaming at the top of her lungs. Oh well, she had to get this shit done. There was no way in hell she would let herself get intimidated by him. Ekko may have the stage presence and the charisma, but she has a fun energy. She could totally make people want to invest in this.

Shoving past Talis, Jinx shook her head. She was cool. She was fine. She had practiced her speech with Vi and Caitlyn this past week through FaceTime. All she had to do was remember what they told her not to do, but also keep her energy up. Make sure her words were clear, but not like she was talking down to anyone. Above all else, make sure to have her passion there. Seemed easy enough. 

The stairs echoed through her ears as she climbed up them. Talis was on her heels to get around her so he could announce her. Rising star Jinx Misticheskiy and her brilliant invention. Low key she wished that Vi were here. The event was invite only since it was just to show potential donors, but to have her sister would help her out tremendously. All she really wanted was her sister to give her a thumbs up to calm her down a bit. Just gotta use the good ol’ imagination. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she teetered on her heels, her hands clenching her skirt, sure she was ruining it with her sweaty hands. 

Suddenly, her name was called, and she was welcomed to the stage. Her brain was going a mile a minute as she shakily made her way across, trying to unclench her hands to not give away all of her nerves. There was a pat on her back that she barely registered. Looking out into the audience, she could see a sea of people all with blank expressions. A nauseating flip in her stomach made her breathing hitch as she began to worry. If only Vi were here, or even Caitlyn. Caitlyn would give her a hug and words of encouragement, Vi would probably give her a noogie, but it was something she needed. She needed someone she knew out there cheering her on. 

Stupidly, she wished she could spot Ekko out there. 

Her eyes scanned wildly, but she couldn’t make him out anywhere. He probably heard her name get announced and left. Finally catching the hint that whatever could’ve been for them was long gone. Her heart still ached for him, which caught her all by surprise. Stupid heart.

Her eye caught on a mask. A white mask shaped like an owl. Peculiar. A flash of an old owl statue crossed her mind. Something that Ekko’s uncle had in his shop that the two of them created stories about. It was stationed next to a crow, flapping its wings at the bird in a threat. Or at least that’s the story they made up. The crow had made the owl distrustful of it, and now in retaliation, the owl was ready to fight. It was a silly story made by kids, interrupted by each other with their own giggles and oo’s and ah’s. Jinx couldn’t help but feel like the crow who had betrayed the owl, though. It was foolish, but she couldn’t help it. 

There was silence in the room, and Jinx could feel how her ears began to burn. The sudden embarrassment was written all over her face as she forgot the most important part of her being there. Her speech. Explaining her device. Getting the people with the big bucks interested in it so they could go through with funding. Being an inventor never just stopped at inventing the thing. Sponsors had to get their interest piqued and she had to fumble through courteous public speaking. This would be so much easier if she could make jabs at their wealth and not have to pretend that she was indeed like them. 

“Uh, hi,” if Caitlyn were here, she would’ve pinched the bridge of her nose. Fuck, she was already at a bad start. “I’m Jinx, just Jinx.” 

There was something about public speaking that just makes the mind go blank. Maybe it’s a stress response, or the brain protecting the person from being mortified about what they were saying. Regardless, after her introduction, Jinx couldn’t remember a single thing of what happened. One moment, she was staring at the audience, the next, they were all a pleasant white sheet of nothing. Amazing how the brain does that. 

As she came to, she was no longer at the little podium. Instead, she had apparently taken the microphone off and started to pace around. Made sense, pacing typically helped her get her ideas across better. The audience's faces were also a little bit harder to decipher. Some were intrigued, others shocked, a few were leaned in closer to the stage. Possibly to get to her first, whether to attack or to get their sponsor out there, Jinx had no idea. Her eye caught on the owl mask. They were standing apart from the crowd, arms crossed and their posture relaxed. They had no motivation to make it up to the stage and Jinx could feel the sinking realization. That had to be Heimerdinger’s guy, and she absolutely blew it. Fucking shit, Talis will never let her back to one of these functions ever again. She couldn’t help but mentally kick herself for getting distracted by Ekko instead of trying to find Heimerdinger’s man. How didn’t she find him earlier when the man had a fucking mask on like this was some masquerade ball? Weirdo. 

Someone came up from behind her and patted her shoulder kindly. Jinx looked up, seeing Talis giving her a small nod. Her swirling anxiety didn’t cease. She felt like she disappointed the company. It didn’t seem like she had too many takers at all for her little breakthrough, and it got her wondering just how many other inventors' breakthroughs didn’t leave this place? How many other dreams were shattered? These people will only bite if they think someone higher up the food chain will first. They’ll obviously yield to the bigger fish, but to say they went up against them, that’s the ticket. Even something like inventing was all about politics and who knows who. It made Jinx sick to her stomach. 

There was a ruckus around her. Unknowingly, Jinx had tuned it out in favor of protecting her dignity. The attackers were all squabbling with one another, pointing their fingers in each other’s faces like children. There was a squeeze on her shoulder. The contact from Talis was a bit uncomfortable. Their relationship didn’t do physical contact beyond the occasional fist bump when something worked in the lab, and it was mostly because Talis was handing them out. This was new. It was Talis’s way of saying how nervous he was but not wanting to show it outright. He really only got touchy feely with Viktor or his wife who occasionally popped in. 

“Heimerdinger would like to sponsor and work with HexTech on the project.” A low, almost robotic voice somehow spoke out over the crowd. The entire room went quiet as the sea of people parted ways for the person in the mask. Oh shit. Another squeeze and Jinx looked up to Talis and saw how he was beaming with pride. Oh shit! The man stopped at the stage, his mask making it hard for Jinx to make out what he was thinking. He might be a weirdo, but this was the best news she could possibly get! On her first ever little inventor’s meeting she was getting the big guy involved? Jinx was dancing in her heels, brimming with excitement. Just wait until Vi hears about this!

“If I may, I would like to ask the inventor some questions. Preferably in private.” The last part was added probably because Talis looked revved up to go. There was a hint of disappointment that had overcome him as he let his hand drop from her shoulder. However, his face was kind to her, kinder than it had ever been before. Jinx didn’t let it fool her. It was because he finally saw her worth. If her inventions could bring in the likes of Heimerdinger then that proved her usefulness. 

Another pat to her back, and Jinx was off to the side of the stage to walk off. Viktor was there, thumbing through the itinerary for tonight, saluting her as she walked in a daze. Was this really happening to her? Was she really getting this opportunity? There was a part of her that couldn’t help but feel like a fraud. A creeping sense of imposter syndrome was looming over her as she met with Heimerdinger’s guy who was waiting for her by the exit. This was crazy, wasn’t it? These things didn’t happen to her. Or maybe they did and she just believed she didn’t deserve it at the time. 

Heimerdinger’s guy led them out the main ballroom and into the hallway. Strange to be having a meeting here. If he tries anything, she’ll just use the moves Vi had taught her when they were younger. Being in a skirt did little to stop her. She could kick this guy’s ass any day of the week. Jinx would just have to explain that he came onto her and there was nothing she could do. Of course these were all what ifs, and hopefully nothing came of it. 

“First of all, I wanted to say how impressed I was with your device.” The nearly robotic voice puzzled her. It was a voice modifier, she knew that. For some reason this guy wanted to conceal his identity. Heh, he was probably ugly under the mask. Poor guy.

“Thanks, my big brain thought it up all by itself.” Jinx tapped her head lightly which earned a laugh from the guy. There was something that he said under his breath that she couldn’t quite catch. “What’s with the secret identity anyway? Heimerdinger afraid someone’s going to kidnap you?”

Another laugh, another itch to her brain. Something about his speech pattern and his laugh sounded…familiar. She had heard it before but she couldn’t quite place her finger on it right away. It was really starting to bug her. 

“No, I just like the idea of ambiguity.” What a weirdo. Still, she could respect that. If her hair wasn’t a dead give away, then maybe she would do it. However, letting everyone know her name was also really fun for her. “Though, for the sake of this meeting, I guess it’s appropriate to let all pretenses fall.”

The guy peeled away his hood with one hand, and with the other took away the mask with a hiss. Jinx cocked her head, eyes wide as if that would help her see more of who this mystery person was. Who was under the mask? She couldn’t help but feel like she was in an episode of Scooby Doo . On impulse, she began to hum the theme song, tapping her leg a bit as she waited for the dude to be done revealing himself dramatically.

The first thing she noticed was white dreads. A suspicion crossed her. But there was no way. There was no way. No, no, no. Shit. Why? Fuck?

Jinx could feel herself start to back away even before his grand reveal. Her chest felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on it and was now weighing her down. She couldn’t breathe. She was going to hyperventilate. Why couldn’t he leave the past in the past? She didn’t want to discuss this anymore. Oh fuck, him choosing her was a charity case. He didn’t actually think her invention was anything special. He just wanted to get alone with her to berate her and yell at her, to make sure she couldn’t leave. How desperately she wanted to run, to curl up in a ball and rock back and forth. How she ached for Vi to be with her. To tell her she was going to be okay. Just like she did on her move in day for college. The way she had a nervous breakdown as Caitlyn and Vi left for their hotel for the night. Her roommate hadn’t been there yet.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. Everything’s going to be fine.” Vi tried to soothe, brushing her hair behind her ear as she rocked. Caitlyn was beside her, trash can in hand just in case Jinx felt she was about to hurl. Jinx’s ears felt like they were burning, and her scalp felt numb as she scratched at it with her fingernails. She just wanted to feel something. Every part of her felt numb. Shit, was she dying? Was this how people felt when they were dying? This was punishment wasn’t it? For everything. She was going to be damned for all eternity. Shit, shit, shit. 

“Look at me, Jinx.” Vi’s voice cut through her spiraling. She turned, eyes unseeing as she desperately searched for her sister. Black spots danced before her vision, her body giving a warning sign that she was going to pass out. There was no focusing. This was the end of her. She was going to die. There was no way she could live by herself. She barely remembered to feed herself half the time. If it wasn’t for Vi cooking dinner she would’ve wasted away years ago. This was it. She knew it. Once Vi left, that would be the end of it all.

“Powder.” The use of her old name cut through her core. It somehow centered her in a way she didn’t think was possible. Jinx could suddenly feel her chest begging for air as it ached with her shallow breaths. “You gotta breathe, Pow.”

Jinx took a gulping breath and held it for a second. Vi’s face came into focus, her pale blue eyes looking at her intently, her hands had found themselves on her cheeks, cupping them gently. The pad of her thumb was wiping away a tear and suddenly Jinx was too aware of touch. Jerking her head back from overstimulation, she could see the way Vi’s heart broke. Vi thinks she did something wrong. Jinx could see it written all over her face as she tried to distance herself from her sister. 

Whatever brief heartbreak Vi had, it was quickly replaced by a shake of her head. Caitlyn was by Vi’s side now, a comforting hand on her shoulder. Jinx fucked up again. She knew she did. Caitlyn was going to tell Vi that there was no helping her once they left. Jinx was going to be alone. 

“Breathe out, dear.” Caitlyn calmly told her. There was no malice in her voice, just comfort. Was it a front? Perhaps, and Jinx couldn’t help but freeze up a bit more, but still let out her breath of air she had been holding. 

“Good, good. Okay, we’re going to list things now, okay? Three things you see?” Vi asked. Jinx took in a shaky breath and looked around. Just three things. Three things that she could see. Let’s go, she could do this. 

“Nightstand, suitcase, and the rug.” Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked around the room, trying to get her bearings. It was an unknown place. Her body was going into overdrive. Yeah, she just had to familiarize herself with her new space. Still, her thumb picked at her index finger, trying to get some sensation.

“Good, three things you can hear?” Hear. What could Jinx hear? As she tuned her ears to more of the other sounds around her, she could hear people in the hallway. Moving things in, yelling, the occasional laughter. The sink in her room was dripping out water slowly in an almost rhythmic way. Every so often, two drops would go together simultaneously, pit patting together like friends. Her attention turned to the outside, the cicadas were still present, letting their loud music alert everyone around. The buzzing itched a part of Jinx’s brain that made her calm down some more. 

“People moving, sink dripping, the cicadas.” Her lungs were no longer aching and her fingers stopped picking at each other. Pain was now coming back to her. Looking down, she could see that she had picked at her skin so much that it had started to bleed. Fuck. 

“Don’t worry about that.” Vi drew her focus back to her, the older woman’s hands on her bleeding ones. She held them delicately, like they would break if she held them any tighter. That was okay, Jinx decided. “Last thing. Three body parts.”

That was easy,  she could name three of them. 

“My hands, my head, and my knees.” She gave each body part some sort of shake to exert some more energy. Her breathing had calmed down a lot and she felt like she could focus more. Her brain no longer felt like it was foggy and it was a bit easier to breathe.

“Very good. Do you want to talk about what caused this?” Vi was still talking to her gently. To be honest, she didn’t want to talk about it now. Maybe in the morning, but right now? No. She would rather pass on that. Shaking her head, Jinx could feel the coming down after her attack. She was tired. More than tired, exhausted. How she longed to just curl up and sleep. “Alright, sounds good to me. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

As much as it pained her to nod yes, she did it anyway. Jinx needed her sister right now. She felt incredibly needy, especially with how the summer went. There wasn’t really a single day where Jinx hadn’t been with her sister. Her dependency made her sick, and she couldn’t help but feel bad for Caitlyn. She had resorted to sleeping on the couch for most of the summer if Vi didn’t go into her room for the night. There was no way that the woman didn’t hope that she would have some one on one time with Vi for the night, and here she was ruining it. Just like she ruined everything. 

Caitlyn nodded to Vi, turning to pick up her purse to leave. For some reason, something compelled Jinx to take one of her bloodied hands from Vi and shoot it out to grip onto Caitlyn’s wrist. For her part, Caitlyn turned around with a start, mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed. 

Before she could even ask what was going on, Jinx answered.

“Stay.” 

It was so simple. But with that single word, she could see how Caitlyn’s eyes widened in shock. The woman was stunned, not knowing what to say, but didn’t object. Jinx pulled her closer, making her trip slightly and crash into both her and Vi onto the tiny college issued bed. There was no rhyme or reason as to why she did it. All she knew was that she needed comfort. She needed both Vi and Caitlyn. 

As best as they could, the three of them slept on the tiny bed. Vi and Caitlyn were on each side of Jinx, a protective arm around her. Telling her that she was going to be fine. That no matter what, they would be there for her. Just like they had been there for her every step of the way, through high school, through her mistake, and through the after of it all. They would always be there. No matter what happened. That got Jinx thinking. Her eyes cracked open and looked at her sister’s half asleep form. It was easy to tell she wasn’t fully asleep, her body was still tense and it looked like her ears were pricked for danger. 

“Vi,” she whispered. Vi mumbled something in response, her arm tightening around Jinx a little bit more. “You know, I was thinking. I was thinking that it would be okay if you called me Powder, Pow-Pow, Pow, sometimes. You know, for like, special occasions.”

Jinx swallowed thickly, especially when her sister’s eyes snapped open. Her eyes glistened in the comforting glow of her nightlight, confusion etched into them.

“Really?” She croaked out. To be honest, Jinx didn’t know why she decided this. It just felt right. No one else could call her those names. They were strictly Vi’s. Maybe Caitlyn in the right context, but they were her sister’s mostly. Instead of answering, Jinx just nodded, too afraid of how she would sound and how it would betray her.

Her sister’s shadowed face had a smile on it. Jinx knew that she made her night. Vi held her tighter, maybe to keep from falling off the edge of the bed. 

“On special occasions, got it.” Vi assured her, smiling at her gently. Jinx smiled back, feeling her body once again relax. “I love you, Jinx.”

“I love you too, Vi.”

Three things she could see, right. Well, she could see Ekko right in front of her, now fully unmasked and looking just as perfect as ever. Fuck him. Other thing, she could see the door leading to her freedom. All she had to do was book it back in the hall. No way would he risk a scene again. Good, good, one more. A vase with some pretty flowers in them at the end of the hall. Huh, maybe she’ll take them to her apartment. It would be nice to liven it up a bit.  

Three things she could hear. The party just beyond her freedom door, her shallow breathing, the tapping of her shoes. Good. She has this in the bag. 

Three body parts. Her nose, her lips, Ekko’s lips . Fuck. That’s not how it’s supposed to go. One more body part…her right boob? A flash of dark hands kneading it, earning a soft–Her damn fucking ears, for fuck sake. 

“Jinx?” Her attention was broken by the man in front of her. Fuck. She wanted to yell out, scream, throw something. Maybe she could march over to the vase and throw it. That wouldn’t be a good idea. There was a chance that she would have to pay for it. Right now, she was not in the position to be paying for that. Her anger was flaring back up. Ekko was just doing this because he felt like he had to. The only reason why he also wanted to work with her was to get her to talk. As soon as he has what he wants, he’ll pull out of it. Tell Talis that this was a mistake to invest in. That Jinx wasn’t good enough.

“What is this to you? Am I fucking charity case or something? Is this because I was once carrying your DNA and had the potential to be the mother of your kid?” Jinx felt like she was about to have an episode. As much as her medication tried to keep them under wraps, there was only so much they could do. She was going to have break out episodes. That’s what her back up meds were for. The backup meds she really needed to start packing more.

“What?” Ekko asked dumbly and Jinx wanted to kick something. How could he act this stupid? This was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to get alone with her, he wanted to scream at her.

“For fuck’s sake, Ekko, just get it over with then! Tell me how I ruined everything for you, how much you hate me! If this is what it’s going to take for you to leave me alone, then just do it! I obviously can’t run from it. Tell me. Tell me how much you hate me because I made you have sex with me!” She was tugging at her hair with her hands, feeling strands get loose and fall from the braid. So much for not looking like a damn child. Here she was throwing a goddamn tantrum at what was supposed to be the biggest high of her career so far. She really hasn’t learned anything, has she?

For Ekko’s part, he only looked confused. Perplexed and concerned that she was acting like this. He thought she was crazy. As if she didn’t know what he wanted to tell her and he was just acting like this to seem better than her. Gaslighting her into a false sense of security. A bitter laugh suddenly escaped from her, which made her double over and begin to laugh. Why didn’t she pack her backups? Why was she so stupid? Now she was having an episode in front of Ekko. Shit. If he was actually interested in her device, then she screwed everything up. He’ll pull out of the project immediately after seeing her like this. 

“God dammit, Jinx, I don’t care about that!” Ekko shouted. Jinx looked up at him, still hunched over with hair spilling out of her braid. She looked insane. Like some drowned gremlin, she was sure of it. She must’ve looked confused because he started to back track. “I mean, not in the way you think I care about it. Shit, did I really come off like one of those people?” 

Ekko walked away from her, right to the wall that kept the door from swinging all the way open and slid down it. His face was in his hands and began to slide down his face. Jinx stared at him. He was so different from the cocky persona. It felt like she was finally seeing him for real this time, and he looked…tired. There were bags under his eyes that she hadn’t noticed before and there seemed to just be an exhausted look in his entire body. He finally made eye contact with her again, and Jinx could feel her entire body heat up as he looked at her with his umber eyes. 

“You didn’t force me to do anything. Have you been thinking that you made me have sex with you all this time? Is that why you avoided me after that?” Jinx started. Avoided? She knew their relationship had been weird. She was sure that he didn’t remember anything and decided not to bring it up just in case. Even if he had remembered, she thought he didn’t want to talk about it. She thought she was respecting what he wanted. It’s not like he had any motivation to talk to her about it either. Then she found out she was pregnant and well, shit.

“I thought you were avoiding me a bit.” Jinx grumbled, letting herself come down to the floor and hold her knees to her chest. “Thought you just didn’t want to talk about it, then you got a girlfriend and that was it.”

Resting her head on her knees, she heard Ekko bang his head on the wall and sigh loudly. She couldn’t risk looking at him, instead she picked at the hem of her skirt, rolling it between her fingers to keep her brain occupied.

“Shit.” She heard him say. It was a defeated tone, nothing accusatory, nothing directed at her. It made her pause in her rolling, it earned a hum in response from her. “I fucked up.”

That got her curious. Picking her head from her knees, she finally looked at him again. His head was on the wall, exposing his throat and how his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. It was as though he was asking some higher power to strike him down for something. Something that she didn’t know about. 

“What do you mean?” As pissed off as she was and how she was about ready to run, Jinx couldn’t help but ask. There was a part of her that needed to know. A part of her that told her that she hadn’t been letting him speak. That she needed to listen to him for once instead of running away. She also made the discovery in herself that she was tired of running. Tired of avoiding. 

A sigh came from the man across from her as he picked his head up and looked at her. Ekko looked like he needed to sleep. She was sure she looked the same way, but there was a bone deep exhaustion to him. Like he hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep since the reunion either. 

“I–I wanted to tell you. After everything. I wanted to tell you how much I cared about you, but I kept chickening out. I was reading into everything. I thought you were avoiding me, and that you regretted it. I thought that I fucked up and forced you into something you didn’t want.” He explained, not breaking eye contact from her. His explanation confused her. That wasn’t how she remembered that night. It had been her to lead him away, to start making out with him in the bleachers. She was the one who needed to touch more skin. It was her fault.

“It wasn’t your fault, though. I knew that you wouldn’t say no to me. I was the one begging. I took advantage of you, Ekko. You don’t need to put that burden on yourself.” She couldn’t look at him. Not with her shame eating her up alive. God, she’s a gross human being. Sorry didn’t really cut it. Not anymore. It wasn’t like she was 11 anymore and she had accidentally broke one of Benzo’s expensive finds. No, she royally fucked up. 

“That’s not how I remember it.” Ekko stated. “I’m pretty sure I was the one to start feeling you up first.” 

Jinx looked at him, face scrunched in confusion. Ekko sighed, wiping his hands down on his pants. 

“Dance floor. I…I was all over you.” Ekko cleared his throat. “You took me to the bleachers and I thought you were going to kick my ass and I was apologizing like crazy. Then, you just…you started kissing me and I thought…I thought you felt the same way. I thought I was getting my dream girl, ya know? And when you kept asking for more and that you wanted me…my brain just went into overdrive. I was suddenly getting what I’ve been asking for. 

“After prom, when I thought you were avoiding me, I thought I took advantage. We were drunk, and I just thought that I fucked up. Then you disappeared for a time. I didn’t know what happened to you. You weren’t answering my texts or calls, and I really thought that you told Vi what happened and that she cut off all communication between us. During that time, I was asked out and I thought that it was for the best. You obviously didn’t want to be friends–or anything more for that matter. I thought you thought I was a sleeze bucket and didn’t want anything to do with me. I said yes to the date, and then to more, and well…we started dating. Then…you came back. You needed to talk to me, and I promise I didn’t mean to bail on you. That was never my intention, I was…scared. I thought you were going to tell me we couldn’t see each other anymore, and losing you…that was my worst nightmare. Little did I know by doing that, I did lose you.”

Jinx blinked for a moment as he explained everything. She vaguely remembered Ekko dancing all over her, instead her brain latched onto all the moments where she was vulgar. How she replayed those scenes over and over again in her brain and cringed at how needy she was. How desperately she needed to be touched. 

“I just want to make it clear to you that I’m not angry about you getting an abortion. I’m sorry that I made it seem like I did, I was just…shocked. I obviously didn’t know about any of that and it took me some time to process. I was honestly kicking myself that I wasn’t there to help you through it.”

“It’s not like you knew.” Jinx closed in on herself again, every part of her wanting to be next to him. “Is that why you decided to fund my project? You felt bad you couldn’t be there?”

She heard Ekko groan, his head returning to the wall, with his hands smacking the carpet underneath him. Jinx just curled in on herself even tighter.

“Is it shocking to think that I genuinely loved your project? I was FaceTiming with Heimerdinger the entire time and he kept telling me to swoop in on it. That it was the type of project he liked. Something to help with.” Ekko explained. Jinx reluctantly looked at him again, once again curious about this. Heimerdinger wanted her? Well, her project, but still. “I added to work with you all because I wanted to work with you. Jinx…I’ve missed you. So damn much. These last ten years I’ve been thinking of nothing but you . I kept hoping that I would somehow run into you again. That I would see you at one of these conferences, in a class, even the grocery store. I kept thinking I did see you and just made a fool of myself when I didn’t. I just wanted to see if you were doing okay. I wanted to see you again.”

Jinx felt her body go slack. It was like she was suddenly underwater with how weightless her body felt. She was breathing fine, it didn’t feel like she was drowning or about to break. It was the way he was saying it, telling her just about everything. Her brain was going into a slight overdrive and she couldn’t form any words to try to say anything to him. What could she say? That she felt the same way? To pour her love out for him even though this new grown up Ekko was just a stranger to her. It was brought to her attention that she knew nothing about his new adult life except the spark notes. He had been married, he got divorced, he was working with Heimerdinger. He missed her. Even with all of that, she didn’t know any of his new hobbies. Didn’t know of any of his friends now. Jinx didn’t even know if he still lived in the town they grew up in. To profess something so sacred like that when he was a mere stranger now felt…wrong.

Ekko noticed her silence. It’s not like he professed his undying love for her, but it felt like he did. It was a weird shift that happened. He didn’t regret it, but she certainly did. It felt wrong to confess to him. He obviously felt more…she couldn’t put her finger on it. Though, it seemed that he didn’t mind where they had done it. Jinx never fancied herself a romantic, well…maybe she pushed it down. In the school’s bleachers was definitely not how she wanted her first time to go, though. Did she regret who she had sex with for the first time? Now that was a question. Maybe if they had established how one another cared for the other it would’ve been different. It would’ve been less rushed. Less hungry. They could’ve grown together instead of fumbling over themselves, awkward in every sense of the word. 

That night was just a fumble of body parts. Neither of them knew what they were doing and if they were doing it wrong. Trying their best to please the other in their drunken haze. It was messy and it hurt. 

But her conclusion was clear. She didn’t regret that it was Ekko. She regretted how it happened and where it went down. But the fact that it was Ekko…she could never regret that. Jinx had loved him back then. She even loved this stranger of an Ekko before her, the memory of who he was when they were kids shadowed over. Jinx wanted him. Wanted to get to know him. Wanted to see where things would go, let things repair between them. It wouldn’t be instant, there was still a lot of baggage between them. Though, her heart ached for him. Everything about her ached for him. How desperately she wanted to go back and fix things. How desperately she just wanted to hug him. 

“We can try now.” Ekko suggested, breaking her thoughts again. There was a solemn smile on his face, telling him he felt it too. They had both been like this. Stuck in their past, but unlike her, Ekko at least tried to move on. Jinx wondered what his relationship with his now ex-wife had been like. They had to have been happy at least once upon a time. Why else would they have gotten married? The ex also must’ve felt secure in her relationship with him because why else had she invited Jinx in the first place?

“I have a question.” Her voice was small, but it also felt earth shatteringly loud in the quiet of the hall. They were in their own little bubble. Their own little universe. Ekko simply hummed in response, urging her to go on. Her mouth felt tacky and heavy as she tried to piece together her question. Her feet squirmed inside of her shoes, suddenly sweaty in them and causing an unpleasant feeling. “Why? What I mean is…I don’t know actually. I guess just a general reason for everything going on in your life. Why did you get married, why the divorce, why you never had kids…unless you did.”

She assumed she was silly for asking the personal questions. Prying way too much into his personal life that she didn’t have any reason to be in. It could’ve been personal, and here she was asking without any care in the world. Why was she still making mistakes at her age? After everything, she thought she would be burned out of mistakes and start living her life as a saint, and yet, here she is. 

For his part, Ekko merely let out a weak chuckle, his eyes suddenly distant as if he saw something. Or someone. There was a glistening in his eyes as he stared. Jinx couldn’t help but wonder who he was looking at. She also wondered if that’s how she looked when she was suddenly gone and in her own head.

“It just…it felt like the next step. Like I was checking everything from off a list, and that was the next right thing. We’d been together for so long, and it just felt like that was it.” He explained it in a detached way, Jinx noticing how his thumb checked his left ring finger absentmindedly. “We never had kids. We wanted to get established in our careers before then, and once we felt like we did…it just didn’t pan out. Later, we just weren’t working. At that point we both knew we got married because it was expected of us. We both agreed on divorce because it was the best thing for us.” 

Ekko finally made eye contact with her. They captivated her, just as they did when they were younger. There was a calmness in them and she felt safe being held in them. They were the same eyes since they were kids, holding the story of their youth in them so gently and carefully. She wondered if that’s how he saw her eyes. Hers, she felt had changed the most, though. At least she felt they had. Her first semester at college was insane and she did get into things she shouldn’t have. 

He was still perfect. It was infuriating, but also refreshing. Ekko seemed to have his whole life together, and she was still floundering. Trying to find a semblance of control in her life and just when she thought she finally got it, the rug was taken out from under her once again. Maybe she needed this. Needed to just talk it out. Her therapist recommended it at first before they found out talking to Ekko was off the table. It was still strange to let everything out in the open like this. She spent so long bottling everything up.

“I think she knew.” Ekko once again spoke. Jinx tilted her head, confused over what he was saying. “Knew that I wasn’t 100% there in the relationship. She would often tell me it felt like I was off in another realm or something. A different reality. She was right. I…I screwed up with that. I shouldn’t have led her on as long as I did, but I kept thinking that…that I would change. That I would one day wake up and be the person she absolutely deserved but…I was blocked. Her and I…we didn’t feel right and we both tried for so long to make us feel right.”

Nothing was clicking in Jinx’s brain. Ekko kept saying all of these things, but she just couldn’t understand. Why would he marry out of feeling like he had to? It didn’t seem like him. Jinx knew that the Ekko in the past was a bit more of a romantic, wanted everything to be perfect and planned his life out. He desired to marry out of love, not like he felt like he had to check off his to do list. She remembered when they would pass a kid with their parents, he would always remark how excited he was to be a dad one day. Meanwhile, Jinx just looked at him like he had two heads. They were teenagers for crying out loud. Take it one day at a time and really milk the years they could get away with anything and everything. That was how she looked at things. Ekko always seemed to have his shit together, and she was his delinquent best friend. Another sigh from him and Jinx furrowed her eyebrows.

“I really wish you weren’t so easy to read still. I also wish that you would see yourself the way that Vi sees you and how I see you. Jinx…you’re incredible. Your mind, how you think, who you are, it’s…it’s something else. You’ve pushed me to be more and think outside the box. From the time we were kids and you were drawing all of your creations…I’ve been in awe. There was not a day that went by that I wished I knew what you were up to, what projects you have helped with. You’re just…magni–”

“And you’re not?” Something in Jinx snapped. Hearing him praise her like she was some sort of goddess…it unnerved her. Sure, she would agree that her brain was pretty great when it wasn’t crippling her with anxiety. As much as she loved her creations when she was younger, it was Ekko who pushed her. Who helped her make them work in a way she didn’t see was possible. When she was down over something not doing what it was supposed to, it was Ekko who picked her back up. “You’re the one to encourage me to keep going. The one who stayed up late into the night to fix what I messed up on. I wish that you could see how I see you. Your work actually did what it was supposed to do on the third try, and yet you’re praising me? It was you who pushed me to keep going and to keep growing. It was you who–”

And something clicked. It was so simple, so easy, so laughably obvious. They brought out the best in each other. They pushed the other to impossible limits that she didn’t think feasible. It was both of them. Whether it was to one up the other in competition, or to simply impress. They had been dancing like this for so long, constantly pushing the other until one of them forgot the next step. They had tripped over each other, and Jinx saw that as them no longer working. She saw it as her own fault when Ekko had been trying to tell her that he never stopped dancing. It had stagnated for a moment, they had aged in their steps, but overall…they kept going. Even when Jinx thought she had stopped, somewhere in the back of her head she had thought of what he would think of her projects. Here they were, coming back together slowly.

Her body moved on its own accord. Ekko’s magnetic field pulled her in a hypnotic state as she kept thinking about how dumb she was. How dumb they both were. Everything was leading up to this moment, no matter how much she desired to push it away out of shame and guilt. Guilt that she felt that she didn’t deserve to ever be able to speak to Ekko again. She had wronged him after all. Had kept things secret with no explanation until the kettle whistled and pushed out all the hot water from within. 

The water had boiled over, but now it was simmering and calming down. They were finding themselves again. 

Ekko for his part accepted Jinx sitting next to him. Made room for her on the wall and let her sink down as the conversations played out in her head. She let everything settle in her head as she came to a conclusion.

Ekko was a permanent fixture in her life. Not just past Ekko, but this Ekko. She needed to relearn this version of him, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was going to love him. Love how he pushed her in work, love how he will comfort her. Love late night conversations about their work. They would argue, just like they always did, but there would always be love.

“I’m in love with you Jinx Misticheskiy. I’ve been in love with you for so long. I just want you to know that the night of prom…I would’ve preferably not done it in the bleachers. But the fact it was you? I don’t regret that one bit. I’ve missed you so much and I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not being able to tell you sooner.” Jinx looked at him, his confession hanging in the air thickly. His voice sounded choked and his eyes glistened with tears and Jinx never felt more stupid in her life. It had all made sense. Of course he loves her. He’s always loved her, and hearing him say it made it all click into place even more. 

There was something wet on her cheeks and as she went to touch what it was, she realized she was crying. Though, for once it wasn’t for grief of what she could’ve had or been, it wasn’t due to guilt. It was from the pure joy of the situation. Her chest rumbled slightly, and she tried to suppress it, she really did. She didn’t want to make Ekko uncomfortable or anything. Especially since he just confessed to her what she had been aching to hear. However, her lips let out a sputter which resulted in a full on bout of laughter. 

She felt insane as she laughed. Jinx was sure that Ekko looked mortified, and presumes that she was laughing at him. Though, she did start to hear a lower laugh join in with her, letting their chorus of pure joy and final understanding come together. Amongst their laughter, their foreheads came together, resting as though they should’ve been there the entire time. They were back. Their dancing finally met the other and now they could see everything with clearer eyes. 

Their high came down. As they sobered up, Jinx realized she was holding onto Ekko’s hand like it was a lifeline. She was just staring into his eyes. Feeling a safety net cast over her, Jinx began to realize something. As much as she would want to, she couldn’t just jump in. They weren’t the same. They would never be the same as they were ten years ago, hell not even ten minutes ago. They had to relearn the other person, and there was a grace period that they both needed. As much as she wanted to, she had to take it slow, but with purpose this time.

“Ekko…I feel…I love you too, in love with you. It’s just.” Jinx sighed. How was she supposed to voice this and not make it seem like she was rejecting him? How does she do the ‘ it’s not you it’s me’ speech without it coming across like that? She was over denying herself what she wanted, but she also wanted this to work. The only way to make it work was to be clear and communicative, something she severely lacked. “It’s just…I’m a bit of a mess. I mean, I’ve always been a bit messy. Now though, I’ve actually been getting help for it? And I just…I want you to know that…I know the tools to help, you know? It’s just, actually applying them everyday and to divert my thought pattern is hard. Better than it was for sure, but you know.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a bit too. Probably started right after the divorce papers were signed. I just felt like I was losing everything even though I had also wanted it.” His hand squeezed her, letting her know that he understood. That he didn’t mind. That they could still grow separate at first, but then unite when they felt ready enough. That they could take this as slow as they both needed and learn who the other person was again. There were still so many unspoken things between them after all. So many things to discover about the other person now. 

“I…I am excited to work with you. Maybe we could get coffee or something tomorrow and discuss the project more? Could even discuss some more about what we’ve been up to the last ten years.” Jinx wanted to give him the opportunity to discuss it all in some more detail. She also just wanted to know where he’s been these past years. She didn’t want to harbor anything else from him. If they were going to mend what they had and turn it into something more, then she wanted to do it with as much openness as she could muster.

There was a twinkle in Ekko’s eye, something that she matched with her own eyes as his features imploded with a bright smile. The calmness was back, and Jinx only felt relaxation now. There was a weight taken off her chest as she sat there with Ekko on the floor, playing with his fingers with hers. It felt as though the world had begun to right itself again. The planets were shifting back into alignment or whatever the astrology girls said on TikTok. 

“I would really, really like that.” He answered, and Jinx couldn’t help but feel her own face explode with the same smile. Couldn’t help the small little laugh she let out as she squeezed his hand back. A certain serenity she had when she was younger was once again present. She hadn’t realized that she had lost it until this very moment. Between everything that had been happening, it slipped out quietly. Now that it was back though, she vowed to never lose it again.