Chapter Text
"Hey, hey, calm down Connor. It's nothing I haven't heard before."
Connor angrily spun around and saw that Hank was already walking off to the breakroom. Connor hurried to catch up with him. "But Lieutenant, he insulted you like this only last week!"
Hank shrugged. "Well, he's not wrong. Everyone knows I'm an alcoholic."
Connor still itched to confront Detective Reed but Hank had pulled him away from the conflict and he knew, rationally, that it would never change anything to the detective's attitude. If anything, it was exactly what he was looking for: a response to his provocation. Connor usually wouldn't react to any insult Detective Reed threw at him, but it was harder to stand by and do nothing when it was Hank who was on the receiving end.
"You're not," loudly said Connor as he stood next to Hank in front of the coffee machine. "Don't say that."
Hank glanced at him. "Come on, Connor. I've cut down, but it's still above average."
"I know it is," tensely said Connor, "but I don't like it when you reduce yourself to your alcohol consumption. That's what he's doing. You shouldn't agree with that kind of thing."
Hank smiled at him fondly and patted his shoulder. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry, Connor. I don't agree with him."
Connor relaxed a bit but couldn't let go of his irritation. "I wish there was a way to make him stop."
"So does everyone working in this place," Hank said. He reached out to pick up his cup and they both walked to the closest table. "But hey, a week since last time is pretty good."
"I guess so. He's only tried to aggravate me three days ago, so I think we can count that as a new record."
"Yeah." Hank took a sip. "I don't know what's up with him. Kinda suspicious."
Connor nodded in agreement, and then he noticed a familiar silhouette walk past the break room. He wouldn't have paid anymore attention to the other android had he not noticed the way Nines was holding his throat. He hadn't been doing that earlier that morning.
Connor turned back to Hank. "Can you give me a minute?"
"Sure, sure," said Hank with a little smile. "Go talk to him."
"Thanks." Connor hurried out of the break room and went after the taller android, calling out to him when he was just a few feet away. "Nines?"
Nines spun around and greeted him with a dip of his head.
<RK900: Did you need anything?>
Connor slowed down when he walked up to him and frowned. "What's wrong with you?"
Nines looked a bit annoyed and his fingers curled around his throat.
<RK900: It's nothing, my voice box got a bit damaged.>
<RK900: I can speak, it just doesn't sound good. Lots of echo.>
Connor couldn't help the concern that slipped through his voice. "What happened?"
<RK900: I was going to the technician's, I'll explain it to you later.>
"I'll accompany you."
Nines nodded with a grateful expression and they both resumed walking down the hallway. When they reached the technician's office and Nines was told to sit down on the table, Connor noticed a very faint discoloration of Nines' pants around the knees.
"So, what brings you here?" asked the technician as she tapped the tablet in her hands a few times.
"Da-a-a-amaged voicebo-o-o-ox," stated Nines.
"Ah, yep. I can hear that. How'd it get damaged?"
Nines had that annoyed look again. "Blowjo-o-o-ob."
Connor felt his eyes widen and the technician asked, sounding a bit incredulous: "During work hours?"
Nines said in a low voice: "Not a good i-i-i-idea, I am aware." It sounded like he was angry at someone and Connor was pretty sure that it hadn't been Nines' idea to do this kind of thing on the job.
Connor also felt something unpleasant gathering in his chest and he had the strangest urge to snap at Nines, and yet you did it anyway. He tamped the vicious feeling down, suddenly unsure and unsteady, because this wasn't something he was used to. The other part of him felt very concerned that Nines had probably allowed this to happen, if he hadn't wanted this then he wouldn't be here in the technician's office.
"Nines, why did you let this person treat you so roughly?" asked Connor.
Nines didn't look like he really cared. "I'm get-et-et-etting repaired, aren't I-I-I?"
"Okay, just a sec guys," intervened the technician. "Let me fix this and then you can talk all you want. Could you step out for a bit?"
"Yes, sorry," apologized Connor, but he couldn't resist casting one last glance in Nines' direction before leaving. He hadn't liked Nines' answer at all.
He waited in the hallway for a while before Nines was allowed to leave. When their gazes met, Nines' expression shifted like he expected Connor to reprimand him. Which he promptly did.
"You can't just let someone damage you under the pretext that you can get repaired later," sternly said Connor.
"A human would get a sore throat. This is normal after repeated instances," answered Nines, and he gestured for Connor to walk ahead.
"No!" exclaimed Connor as he stepped forward, "It's not! It isn't right, not to mention that repairs aren't free, unlike a human healing from a sort throat through natural means. You have to ask this partner of yours to be more careful about the way they handle you!"
Nines looked down at him. "I can look after myself, Connor. Why are you so worked up about this? You're no stranger to letting damage happen to you either with the same justification as mine."
Connor crossed his arms and stopped in his tracks, and so did Nines. He was frustrated because Nines was right. They were each reckless about their bodies in their own way, Connor because he still hadn't grown out of his habit of disregarding his body in favor of prioritizing mission objectives, Nines because his own was very resilient and at a lesser risk for damage than any other android.
"I'm not a good role model, Nines. You're smart enough to know that."
"It's only a part," calmly stated Nines. "I have more than enough money to cover small accidents like this one. You don't need to worry about me, Connor."
"It's a delicate and important part," insisted Connor. "It'll be more costly if you need to replace it. And again, you really shouldn't be comparing yourself to humans! We don't have the same capacity to heal as they do."
Nines was silent for a bit as they gazed at each other, and then he conceded: "All right. I'll ask him to be more careful in the future."
"Is it anyone I know?" asked Connor without thinking, and then he regretted it because he knew it was none of his business.
"Does that really matter?" replied Nines.
Connor looked away. "No, it doesn't. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"It's all right." Nines brushed a wide hand against his back for a beat as if to reassure him, and then walked past him. "I'll see you later, Connor."
"Yes," Connor told Nines' retreating form. "See you."
He watched the RK900 turn around the corner and then leaned against the wall and just stood there in the hallway, the phantom sensation of Nines' splayed hand lingering between his shoulderblades. He could still feel that weight hanging inside of him like a cold ball of lead. He belatedly realized it felt like jealousy, but in a heavier and stronger shape than any he'd ever experienced before. Connor felt confused. And as always when he felt confused, he went to see Hank and told him everything so he could obtain advice on the matter.
"So you think you're jealous about a blowjob," summarized Hank.
"It... seems that way," hesitantly said Connor, hoping it didn't sound too ridiculous. "Is that bad?"
"Well, aren't you attracted to Nines?" asked Hank.
Connor stared at him. "I don't understand what you mean by that."
"Okay." Hank leaned back in his chair with a creak. "I thought you'd figured it yourself already. I don't really know how this works here, let me think." There was a pause during which he rubbed his beard, and then he looked at Connor again. "Basically, you want to hang out with him all the time and more than you do for anyone else, right?"
"Yes."
"And you feel like you've got something different going on, right? You two are closer than you are with a lot of other people."
"We're very close friends," confirmed Connor. "There's a degree of complicity between us that I don't possess with many other people."
He was very good friends with Hank and Markus as well, but Connor could tell that it was a bit different with Nines. Sometimes he felt the compulsion to simply gaze at Nines when he was talking to other people just because Connor liked watching Nines talk. Sometimes Nines did or said things that seemed meaningless but made Connor feel a burst of affection for him. Nines had a generally calm and earnest personality and Connor enjoyed spending time with him. He was soothing.
"Do you want to be closer? As in, physically," asked Hank.
Connor paused to consider this. "I do enjoy hugging him very much, even though we don't do it that often."
"Does it feel different when you hug him compared to when you hug me?"
"Of course," said Connor. "Hugging you makes me feel safe, hugging him is- It's more that I'm glad he lets me come so close, and it makes me want to make him feel safe."
Hank's blue eyes crinkled with amusement. "Even though he's taller and bigger than you, and also the RK900."
Connor felt embarrassed all of a sudden. "Well, yes." He paused and felt blue blood pooling beneath his skin. "It sounds silly now that I say it out loud."
"It's not silly," warmly said Hank. "I think you just like him. You're attracted to him. That's probably why you feel jealous about the blowjob, because maybe that's a level of intimacy you wish you had with him."
Connor frowned. "That doesn't make any sense, I've never felt any interest in sexual acts like blowjobs. I don't even want a genital component."
"I'm not just talking about the action itself," Hank explained. "I mean that there's a sort of different side to someone when they do something like that, generally. The dynamic changes between two people when they're just going about their lives and when they're in the bedroom. I think that even if you don't have experience there, you learned that someone you like does, and it's not with you. So yeah, I think it makes sense you'd be jealous."
"Oh."
"Yep."
Connor was at a loss. "But then... what do I do?"
Hank leaned forward and settled a warm hand on Connor's shoulder, his blue eyes sympathetic when he answered in a softer voice: "The guy's already taken. Maybe you could've tried to shoot your shot a few weeks ago but right now, you're outta luck."
"Shoot my shot?"
"Go after him, ask him out, yada yada yada," said Hank with a wave of his hand before letting it drop back to his lap. "Well I mean, some people don't let the existence of a sexual partner stop them from chasing after their crush, but that usually lands them into trouble at some point. 'Sides, I don't think you're like that. Are you?"
Connor looked down at his desk in thought. "...No." He looked back up. "If Nines has chosen someone else, then that's up to him. I still don't really understand this- the fact that I'm supposedly jealous because I like him more than I thought I did- but what I dislike most about this situation is that his partner damaged his voice box and Nines is acting like it's normal."
Hank let go of him and shrugged. "Hey, it's his first relationship as far as we know. His partner and him might be still figuring things out."
Connor frowned. "But it really seemed like Nines thought this was just the way things are supposed to be."
"You talked to him about it, right?"
"Yes. He said he'd ask his partner to be more careful."
"There you go. I'm sure he'll be fine, and you're always watching out for him anyway. Nothing to worry about." Hank grinned a little. "And hey, some people like it rough."
Connor didn't feel like smiling back. He didn't like the idea of Nines getting a rough treatment in any circumstance, but if Nines decided he liked it... Connor looked down and fixed his sleeves to occupy himself, and then stated: "What Nines chooses to like or dislike in sexual scenarios is none of my concern."
"Hey." Connor looked up to see Hank had leaned in closer. His friend's expression had gentled again. "It's all right to be a bit upset about this kind of thing, Connor. Love life is never easy. I know how much it sucks to like someone who doesn't like you back. If you need to talk about this, I'm right here."
Connor nodded, realizing that he indeed felt downtrodden. And not slightly. He felt very downtrodden and he didn't even want to be here at work anymore.
"Okay," he said in a subdued tone.
"You all right?"
"... No," Connor answered after a beat.
He thought about all the times Nines smiled at him, and all the times they spoke just the two of them, and all the times Nines came to him to ask for advice or simply because he'd missed talking to Connor. Someone else was having all that right now. Connor knew it was wrong and silly to not want to share that side of Nines with anyone else but he couldn't help how bitter it made him to think of it.
"I don't like feeling like this," he quietly said.
Hank reached out again and rubbed his shoulder. "No one does, son. These things happen."
"I feel like..." Connor hesitated to say it aloud because he didn't want to hear Hank agree with him, but Hank was the only person he was willing to talk to about these things, so he said it anyway. "I feel like I'm a bad person for wanting Nines to myself. That's wrong, isn't it? It's selfish."
"Really, Connor, you think you're the bad guy for being jealous? Everyone gets jealous at some point. It's not like you're asking him to break up so he can be with you, it's fine as long as you respect Nines' choices."
Connor lightly shook his head. "I feel like I'm in the wrong for wishing that Nines spent more time with me than he does with this person that he chose."
Hank gave his shoulder one last comforting pat. "Listen, a lot of people feel possessive over their crush. It's normal. It's not unhealthy so long as you don't get all obssessed about it trying to convince your crush to do something that'll inconvenience their partner and benefit you. Nines' still your friend, he's not a different person just because he's into someone new, and you're still Connor, with or without a crush. You don't have to make this weird, both of you can still hang out like always."
"Of course I still want to spend time with him," immediately said Connor. "Why would that change?"
Hank looked a bit surprised by his instant response, and then he chuckled a bit. "Figures."
“What?”
“Nothing.” Hank’s expression became more serious when he explained: "I was saying you could still hang out because sometimes, people do the opposite. They choose to distance themselves from their crush thinking that’s the best thing to do. I just wanted to remind you that there's an option where you can choose to stay around Nines if you think that won't be a problem for you, but considering how you reacted just now, maybe you should also keep in mind that you can step away if you need it."
Connor thought he could understand what Hank was talking about, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he'd rather keep seeing and talking to Nines. "I was more concerned about how I should behave around him now. I don't want to misstep. I already did earlier, by asking him who this person was, even though I know it was intrusive on my part. He said it was all right when I apologized but... I'm afraid of making a mistake like that again. I don't want him to get uncomfortable because of me."
"Well then you just gotta be careful not to let it slip again," simply said Hank. "You said it earlier, that it's none of your business what Nines' private life looks like on that side. It might take a moment to adapt to, but you'll get used to knowing he's got a partner and not wanting to ask more about it eventually."
This answer didn't really satisfy Connor but he supposed Hank couldn't perform miracles. This was something Connor himself needed to work on over time. It was his first instance of feeling this way, of course it didn't feel natural to try and not care about the fact that Nines liked someone else.
"I hope so," Connor eventually said.