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Chapter Text

'Not yet appearing: Choi Beomgyu.' The news guy says, high-pitched voice and none real concern for the situation. Taehyun can see how he reads the fucking teleprompter. It never ceases to amaze him how little people care, that they're only interested when there's a new lead in the case, that they don't help more than they should, a bogus anonymous call to inform the police that they've seen Beomgyu in five different parts of the country at the same time, all to spice up their shitty lives with someone else's suffering. It makes Taehyun fucking sick.

'After four weeks there is still not a clue to indicate Choi Beomgyu's whereabouts.

His husband, Choi Soobin desperately asks for a sign that he is still alive or simply the location of the body.' Kim Seungmin flashes a rueful smile before moving on to the next new thing. It was different when it all started, whole shows after shows about the mysterious disappearance of a successful, happily married young Beomgyu. Taehyun wasn't so sure about the part where Beomgyu was successful, much less happily married. But someone had told them that presenting an enhanced image of him would help the public to sympathize. People want the best for those who already have the best after all.

"Really hyung? Why are you assuming he's dead?" Kai asks, his eyes are looking at the floor. Taehyun wonders as well. Why is Soobin asking for a body so early on? Why is Beomgyu being dead an easy option for him?

Both Beomgyu and Soobin changed when they got married, they never let each other shine their own light. Taehyun knows that Beomgyu feels like this, cornered and unhappy even though he loved Soobin more than anyone, more than his family, more than his friends, more than Taehyun. Soobin is the same according to Yeonjun, but Taehyun doesn't think Soobin loves Beomgyu half as much as the younger one loves him.

The clear proof was in all this, in his little and feigned concern in the disappearance of his husband of six years.

"Why do you assume he's dead?" Taehyun asks again, with a different tone than Kai's, a little stronger, a little more aggressive. Soobin's indifference makes him nauseous.

But he gives no real answer of his intentions or meaning of words, instead he replies;

"I just want him to come back"

And that's all Taehyun needs, really. Because he knows that's just not true.

"We should stop doing this." Yeonjun says from where he's sitting, his shoulders look heavy but that's how everyone looks now, since that day. "Everyone should watch the news in their respective homes."

It is not a new conversation, every day for four weeks they have seen each other without fail at the Choi house, they watch the morning news together and then they go to hand out flyers until there are no more sheets left, it is difficult for everyone to manage their schedules, but they do it, maybe because they feel guilty or because they care about Beomgyu, maybe both, like Taehyun.

When Soobin called him with a broken voice telling him that something very bad had happened, Taehyun didn't know what he could mean. His hope was that Beomgyu wanted a divorce, god knows it was something Taehyun asked for every night but Soobin couldn't explain it over the phone, and when Kang got to the couple's house he soon forgot about it when he saw the patrol cars.

It's hard not to feel guilty, really, because Beomgyu had been missing for a full day before anyone noticed or so the police said, the house turned upside down, all the doors and windows wide open and blood on the floor that ended at the porch. Not so much blood that it was worrisome, Beomgyu didn't bleed out, not in the house at least.

Soobin had been a mess back then, shaking and with air coming out of his mouth and nostrils so fast that he couldn't breathe well, so different from these last few days where the older man has been almost in perpetual boredom, with his hand on his cheek and drooping eyes.

That makes Taehyun's blood boil. Because everyone is bending over backwards to get Beomgyu back while Soobin just stands there pitying, too busy playing the worried husband role that everyone fucking swallows.

If Taehyun were Beomgyu's partner none of this would be happening, he would know how to take care of him, pay attention to him and love him properly. But Beomgyu preferred Soobin all those years ago, even though he knew how Taehyun felt about him. Even knowing what Soobin was really like.

"He's different when it's just us." Beomgyu confided to Taehyun on a cold day, in the darkling night, both of them too drunk to think properly. Kang remembers being so excited, because he hadn't been alone with Beomgyu in months, but then he started telling what Soobin had done to him that same afternoon, and the times before it.

Taehyun wasn't so happy when he left.

And he couldn't look at Soobin the same.

Maybe it's the reason why anything the older does looks suspicious to Taehyun, because he knows Soobin wouldn't hesitate to resort to a quick hand or fist that would leave a burning, throbbing path to stop his husband from talking, from complaining, from asking.

-

"See you tomorrow." Yeonjun says, still holding flyers because they drove around town today rather than handing them out and pasting them.

"I can't, I have to work." It is the answer that Taehyun gives. It's the truth, but he'll still be there, suspicious of Soobin and doing stupid things that get them nowhere.

"Sure." Their hyung says, shrugging his shoulders, not giving importance to Taehyun's words because in the end they don't have it. They both know that the most important thing for most of them at this moment is not the continuity of their day to day, but Beomgyu.

Doesn't mean they don't miss it anyway.

"I'm so tired..." Soobin runs his hand through his hair and face. He doesn't look so tired, he doesn't seem to lose sleep over this but the other two give him a sad smile. "Don't come tomorrow, we need to rest, I-just-we need to rest"

It's the first time he says something like that. Taehyun and Huening Kai share a quick look at each other.

"Soobin... are you sure?" The oldest of all looks relieved.

Soobin just nods, frowning and eyes closed. His lip is trembling but Taehyun can tell it's on purpose.

"Yeah... I'm sure."

-

"Something doesn't add up." Kai is sitting across from him, listening to his rambling at the loud bar. Just them, because Taehyun doesn't trust Yeonjun. More than anything because of the way the older one has been overprotective of Soobin.

"I know."

"I think it was Soobin hyung." He didn't want to say it out loud, it felt like an intrusive thought but as more time passes it's hard to ignore that the main suspect has always been Soobin. They are simple statistics and pretending they don't apply to your friend is absurd. Especially when Kang knows what was going on behind closed doors.

Kai shudders in his seat, and drops his head into his arms before looking Taehyun square in the eye, not surprised, more like resigned.

"Taehyun...you shouldn't say those things..."

Shouldn't I?

"It's just what I think."

"Yeah well, no one asked you, did they?" It's another change they've had as a group, irritated with everything and everyone, no matter who. But it's okay, Taehyun can deal with it, he can deal with Sunny Kai being a jerk, he just needs him to listen to what he has to say.

"I think he got rid of Beomgyu." He spills again, unable to stop what comes out of his mouth. "I don't know why but I know it was him."

"Shut up now." Kai looks at him with annoyed eyes. "Beomgyu being dead isn't enough for you? Do you have to say shit too?"

No, no, that's not right. Taehyun takes a moment to untie his throat.

"He's not dead." He shakes his head, he's not because it's not a possibility that Taehyun has brought up in his head. "He can't be dead."

"Don't you see what you're doing to yourself, Tae?" Huening Kai tells him. Angry and exasperated. "They found a sea of blood in the house and we haven't heard from the police in a week."

The younger one takes a gulp of his drink and then a big sigh.

"You're doing the same as Soobin hyung." He says. "But the person who has the right to be paranoid is Soobin, not you. You can't blame him for working 12 hours and not being there when it happened. He feels guilty enough."

Huening Kai tugs his hair in a desperate manner.

They see each other everyday. But he feels that they were closer in the way they dealt with it at the beginning, confused and so worried they didin't know how to handle it.

Yeonjun hasn't really left that stage just yet. It makes sense. He's the oldest, has known Beomgyu since middle school. And he's afraid Kai is just burying everything to look put together, he assumes he's tired of the sadness he has become, perhaps that's why he's so tense now.

But Taehyun can't stay still any longer, he did when Beomgyu first disappeared. Confident that the police would find him soon. But he can't sit and stare at nothing like Yeonjun does, and he also doesn't want to rush to get over his dejection and move on as fast as Kai wants to.

Perhaps Huening Kai is right. But that would be accepting that Beomgyu suffered inexplicable violence, that it simply happened to him, that the people who did this could be anyone, anywhere in the country.

Taehyun can't accept that. There must be a culprit who pays. And Beomgyu has to come back.

"Okay..." He pauses "I'm just saying we shouldn't be so sure..."

The younger groans loudly as he slams his glass against the table.

"I need fresh air. You're impossible." And he gets up to leave.

Maybe he is, but understanding the complexity of Taehyun's psychic is not the priority, finding Beomgyu is.

-

Kai is squatting in the parking not far from him, fingers drawing meaningless things in the dirt, then dragging his hand up and erasing everything to start over. That is something that Kang himself applies in his life too, if he doesn't like certain things he just decides to do something about them, there is no fear in Taehyun for being wrong, for change.

But there is something false about that, because six years ago he decided to accept being the best man at a wedding that he wanted to interrupt, a few months ago he decided not to report a case of domestic violence and now he decides not to assimilate that it is possible that Beomgyu is simply not here anymore.

He fears so much lately he can't live.

Huening Kai spits on the ground before standing up. And Taehyun looks at him, the dark circles under his eyes evident against his white skin, he looks older than he really is. Just twenty six. Taehyun thinks he most likely looks worse.

He wonders if Kai knows what their friend suffered at home, the abuse that goes beyond the verbal, that goes way above the physical. He probably doesn't. Beomgyu was never one to speak his problems to the world. The pair that Beomgyu and Taehyun make has always been different from the others.

"What would you do?" He asks once he's in front of him.

"Hmm?"

"What would you do if you were right? If Soobin did do something to Beomgyu?" There's a thing about him now that wasn't there inside the bar.

Taehyun does not know how he could voice what he thought he would do if he found out who did such thing to Beomgyu.

I would kill him.

''Call the police.'' It's an answer that Kai doesn't like, Taehyun notices it in the way the younger's face falls a bit, his eyes look a little to the left instead of making eye contact.

It takes a while for the other to say something else.

''There is something wrong with Soobin...'' he begins, ''I didn't know what to make of it but maybe you do.''

Kang nods, and hopes his friend doesn't say some stupid thing just to shut him up. It's something Yeonjun has done too, although he doesn't share his suspicions about Soobin with him, he does share his concern and despair to find Beomgyu alive.

But Huening Kai is acting different, coy as he shrinks into his height.

''The day after...'' another break.

It's a difficult thing to remember after all, they had been scared shitless, standing outside the house they all visited once a week while men with uniform went in and out of it. The press with it's clicks and flashes tormenting them a few meters away. It had been so stressful, dealing with the fact that something awful had happened to their friend in broad daylight while rehearsed voices asked who the husband was —Taehyun had been over the moon when they thought it was him—. They had to take turns so Soobin wouldn't be left alone in that haunted house and the intruders in the yard. Kai had been the first, the next day because Soobin didn't want to leave and risk it. 'What if he comes back?'

Taehyun felt so sorry for him. Now he can't say the same.

''Soobin talked to someone that day, I don't know who but it was fucking early morning and I heard voices and-I thought he was crying so I went to his room but he wasn't crying, Taehyun.'' Kai looks at him as if defeated. ''He was talking on a phone, not his phone, but a phone'' He's repeating himself, but Taehyun can imagine it, a small phone that used to come in cereal boxes, untraceable and only working as necessary.

"He sounded happy." Huening Kai's mouth twists downwards, it's impossible for the younger to remove it from his face so he covers himself with his hand at the same time that the tears begin to roll. '' He said 'it went well.' ''

Kai says no more as he lets himself be consumed by his sobs. He has nothing more to say. Taehyun knows he didn't stick around to hear the rest. He has never been brave enough. it's almost pathetic.

''Do you think it was Soobin?'' His tone is serious and harsh, too loud in the parking lot but he doesn't have time to sweeten his words for Kai's well-being.

And Kai understands Taehyun's anger for keeping that secret for weeks when he could to go to the police directly, the annoyance he feels because Huening Kai knew something was wrong, had evidence, unlike Taehyun that was pure speculation and still decided to do nothing. A cowardly piece of shit who is good for nothing but doubt and fear.

''Yeah.'' His voice cracks, he looks torn, Taehyun wants to feel sorry for him but he can't. Only Huening Kai would keep information like that to himself to protect Soobin, for fear of accepting the worst from his favorite hyung or who knows. ''I think it was Soobin. I think he has someone else and they wanted Beomgyu away.''

It doesn't surprise Taehyun at all. That Soobin is unfaithful is something to be expected with the little attention he gives to Beomgyu, but it's still annoying to hear, the uncomfortable truth.

Beomgyu gave everything for him.

He still remembers when he met both of them in his first year of high school, he didn't like Beomgyu back then but the impression was great. A skinny boy so artistic that he left all the teachers and classmates speechless, so different in a good way.

Everyone expected a lot from Beomgyu, expected him to take off and become a celebrity. When he entered his dream art program the neighbors threw him a huge party. When he dropped out on his fourth semester to marry Soobin and be a house husband no one but close friends came to the wedding.

It was never enough for Soobin anyway, taking away Beomgyu's big dreams that day when he proposed to him with a cheap ring, some alcohol and adrenaline because the police almost arrested them for something they never wanted to tell, an inside joke between them. Draining him of hope by putting him in a pale-walled house with nothing to do all day but think about his failures.

It wasn't enough for Soobin to bind Beomgyu to his side in an unhappy marriage, he also had to make him disappear.

And now Taehyun has to find him. He must find him.

Chapter Text

"Winter it's really making itself known, the snow is falling and it seems like the beautiful starry but cold nights are blessing us again." The news guy says, high-pitched voice laced with glee and sincere glowing eyes. He's genuinely happy about winter, it seems. But Taehyun can't bring himself to be as joyful about such a fucking trivial thing. It's okay, no one was truly listening to the news, anyway. Kang is just trying to ignore what's happening around him.

This morning, Yeonjun had put on the table for the first time that maybe they should look for a corpse instead of a living person.

"It is grim living with the knowledge Beomie is not here anymore. But it's something we must consider." 

Soobin had burst out, screaming at Yeonjun and breaking down after he was done. Taehyun almost believed it.

But that was an hour ago and Soobin is sitting by himself on the porch while Yeonjun is crying upstairs.

It's just him and Kai right now.

 "Maybe..." Huening begins, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen upon them, his eyes lost and his voice thin. "We should ignore it."

Kang doesn't get it at first. Ignore what. But when he meets Kai's teary eyes he realizes it. Taehyun looks at him in disbelief. The conversation at the bar did not happen? Weren't them both weary of Soobin?

"I don't understand." He really he doesn't.

"I think I misheard Soobin hyung." He says, jittery next to him, trembling hands and cold sweat on his hairline even though it's 12° outside.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Taehyun, look at him." They both do through the big window and the thin curtains. It looks like he's sobbing but apart from that, he hasn't do much else. "How could've he hurt Beomgyu hyung. It makes no fucking sense." 

It's said in a loud manner, Kai is losing it and Taehyun can't allow him to do that in the house with Soobin and Yeonjun in it.

So he takes his arm, dragging him out into the backyard, far enough away to have this conversation. He tries not to stare and he does make sure to let go of Kai right after they are out. If there is any trace of guilt or sorrow that melts out of Soobin shoulders when they turn their backs on him, Taehyun doesn't pay attention to it.

"Kai..." he starts, but the other doesn't let him finish.

"Taehyun, please. It doesn't matter who did this to Beomgyu. We're all hurt enough."

"No, no. You don't understand." He's a little upset. Fucking Huening Kai and his crappy empathy. "Beomgyu and Soobin, they don't have the marriage you think. Soobin hurts Beomgyu, I know because I've seen the marks, Beomgyu has told me."

It's true, Taehyun doesn't have to lie. The blueish and greenish bruises on Beomgyu's delicate skin, painting over his moles. The heavy shadows on his wrists, marked by big hands that tugged and pulled until they swelled.

Kai stares at him incredulously for few seconds, before shaking his head. "You mean... Soobin...?"

"Yes."

"You're just saying that."

"I'm not."

"Aren't you tired of following Beomgyu around?" Huening Kai asks. He asked him once before too. In one of their little trips to the bar. It always made the younger more daring. Until that day.

But how could he be tired. Beomgyu needed protection, someone to stop Soobin from taking and taking. Taehyun knew Beomgyu was fragile, and still something awful had happen to him.

"I'm not." Kang says slowly, already tired of all of this. A conversation tha won't go anywhere. "Why am I the only one that wants to help him?"

He wanted to say so many things, but what came out was an exasperated sigh. It is a tired one though. Tired of being pushed aside. Just like it's been happening since that day, since the wedding. How could they not see? The little hints are all there. All of them. The indications that it was Soobin because who else would it be.

"He needs me. Don't you understand?" He takes a breath, he has so much to say, so many words building up in his throat. 

Kai looks at Taehyun. Really looks through him, he can almost see what the other is thinking.

Maybe Taehyun does get Beomgyu, how could he not, when he's been stepping on his tail for years. But Kai is the one that knows Taehyun the best.

"Is that why he didn't choose you?" Kai whispers

It's a question that Taehyun has asked himself. Why didn't Beomgyu pick him? Why did it had to be Soobin even though everyone mistook Taehyun as Beomgyu's boyfriend, all the time.

Beomgyu would've never settle with him.

Taehyun is just a fool.  

So foolish he's looking for clues where there aren't any. So fool, like Huening Kai himself who knows something is wrong with three of his friends and does nothing. Doesn't want to do anything.

Taehyun doesn't want to answer any of those questions right now. He just wants  Beomgyu. And he will do anything to get him back. To take away everything that Soobin had done to him.

He'd even let Soobin get away with it, like Huening Kai is doing if it meant Beomgyu would come back. That's what best friends are for, right? They protect one another even if it isn't ideal. But now, Beomgyu isn't here. Kai can't protect anyone. Not from Soobin or from anyone else.

And Taehyun... he's not strong enough. It hurts so much to see all these people who loved his friend ready to leave him behind.

The thought of losing Beomgyu... that he could be dead by now it's unbearable. It could be. Because it makes sense now. And he thinks they both know it's coming sooner rather than later. Beomgyu died. Alone, and without Taehyun.

"Hey, hey." Kai says softly, "You're crying.'' 

Tears are pouring down Taehyun's face but he can't tell whether it's from sadness, frustration, anger or some other emotion. All he knows is that it hurts. That it hurts to be here, to talk about Beomgyu's possible death and he's trying to ignore. Just a few days ago he was convinced his hyung was still alive. And now...

Kai's big hand rests firmly on Taehyun's chest, his eyes on the main window of back of the big white house, something must catch his attention,

Taehyun doesn't turn around but both of them stop breathing for a moment. 

"I think we should go see how Yeonjun hyung is doing." An abrupt change in conversation accompanied by a serious look. I'll tell you when I can. So Kang follows the younger into the house, whipping away his salty tears. 

The living room seems dark and empty. The morning sun illuminates the room from outside, but the inside reflects no light whatsoever. It feels heavy to be in it, when it used to be so bright before. Soobin is drinking water by the fridge, and he throws them a tired smile with his big puppy eyes. He has improved a lot on that. In presenting himself as if he were suffering.

He's not.

It's hours later, after Soobin went upstairs and apologized to Yeonjun when Huening Kai texts him.

Chapter Text

They're not at the Choi House yet, Taehyun and Huening Kai squeezed together in Kang's apartment, they're talking in whispers as if someone could listen to their plotting, which is pointless, considering there are no opened windows nor noisy hyungs, so it's impossible for anyone to hear what they're saying anyways.

In an hour they have to meet Soobin and Yeonjun. It's 6 in the morning and Taehyun already has a drink in one hand and an aspirin on the other. He knows he shouldn't be like that but he doesn't care about being proper, it was never a problem to be unhinged with Kai before, why would it be now. The only thing he needs to do is get this done, and Huening Kai is not being helpful. He's a skeptic after all. He's only there because of Taehyun.

 
''Maybe we should just follow him, Soobin is not a mastermind'' Huening Kai says softly and Taehyun glares at his friend. He really wants to punch that idiot right in his face and maybe throw up. ''And to be honest, neither are we.'' He mumbles. 

He's not lying. The two of them haven't even looked into the situation themselves, let alone plan anything out. Maybe it is best if they just follow him around.

Follow him until he gets tired of playing and running away. Follow him until they see how he operates. And then once they know everything, they'll come up with a plan. 

-

Yeonjun isn't there when they arrive, so they both can clearly see Soobin's questioning gaze as Kang and Kai walk into the house shoulder to shoulder. He looks surprised more than anything. Perhaps because the youngest always arrived later than the others.

Even so, Soobin doesn't do anything more than that. He tells them good morning and then asks Kai if he wants to help make breakfast.

Huening Kai says yes instantly. Neither of them invites him.

''How about you get some sleep?'' Soobin tells him, cheeks graced by dimples that stick out with a worried grimace.
''You can use any room.''

It sounds like an invitation of some kind, and Taehyun takes him by his word as he goes up the stairs and instead of turning right to go to the guest room, he keeps walking straight, until his hand turns the knob for the master bedroom, the one that Beomgyu and Soobin share.

The interior is the same as always, but at the same time something is missing, in the whole house. Maybe the scent of the candles that Beomgyu lit all day until they went out on their own. Maybe just his presence, the light that emanated from him and bounced off the white walls of the place.

He sits on the bed. And in front of him is a mirror, full body with disorganized stickers. It's Beomgyu's, he's had it since college. Taehyun was the one who helped him carry it to their shared bedroom after finding it on the sidewalk. He's surprised that Soobin allowed it into his big fancy house.

His very reflection stares back at him. Now he understands why Soobin sent him to sleep. He looks disgusting, red eyes, dark circles and cracked lips. Maybe I should get some sleep.

The bed is comfortable when he lies down, much bigger than his single. And the pillow smells faintly of sweat, the sweet of Beomgyu's cologne and something else, but he can’t place what it is, not yet anyway. He takes a deep breath before snuggling himself in the soft sheets. The covers are soft too. 

It's been a long week. His head feels heavy, it aches from all the tension he's held. And his muscles feel sore and stiff but the sleep is not coming.  It hasn't come for days. He tries not to think of how tired he looks, how the bags under his eyes look permanent. If he sleeps now maybe his problems will go away. Maybe he'll be able to rest properly.

But his mind has a lot to think about, like how much he would like Beomgyu to be there, still asleep because he never bothered to get up to receive his friends like Soobin did. It was always Yeonjun who ran, jumping up the steps two by two to knock on the door and jumping on the bed until Beomgyu threw something at him.

Taehyun never dared to do it, seeing Beomgyu just woken up, with uneven hair and a confused expression, it was too much temptation. He didn't think he could see Beomgyu so bare in the morning and not confess his love immediately. Not after losing the habit. At university it was easier, it also helped that Beomgyu was not there for more than two years.

Where is he now? Kang would die to know.

He wishes he'd done it. So Beomgyu could be running his hands through his hair, with a nervous giggle that they share between kisses, warning that they have to separate a bit so they are not so close in case Soobin decides come up to see why they're taking so long. He's sure Beomgyu would never cheat on Soobin, but still he dreams of pining him to the bed and - his mind, so tired can't think of anything else but him atop a body on this bed, blood dripping from his fingertips and staining the sheets in red.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He jumps up. breathing fast and shaking. His eyes are wide open, he hadn't been asleep but he has the feeling of the not quite nightmare lingering, even though it’s not true. It feels true in a way that makes him uneasy, and even more so if he thinks about all the possibilities. The possibilities that Beomgyu had suffer. Because his best friend is gone now because of what was done to him. And Taehyun doesn’t know what happened besides the police report but Kang knows it was something bad. And he's here fantasizing about him. 

His eyes wander around the room, he's trying to calm down, and then he sees it. On the dresser there is a photo of Soobin and Beomgyu, on their wedding day. And next to it a small notebook, the kind that fits in your pocket. Vaguely familiar.

He looks at it for a few moments before taking the book  and looking at it with interest. Maybe it’ll be useful. He opens the book and reads through it quickly, it has random shit on it, an errand list, failed drawings, sheets and sheets of poker and domino results from when they played and got competitive, it's all Soobin's handwriting. Simple things until he comes across a passage in one of the pages where someone has scribbled on it. He frowns. 

Above it only has a date. The date of the day that Beomgyu disappeared.

Taehyun doesn't understand all the text, just words here and there.

Beomgyu, plan, two months maximum.

There are clues in the papers that are not meant to be read by someone who is not Soobin, it's clear, because they are crossed out with force so that they can not be seen, and Taehyun has no idea what to make of them so he just keeps reading. 

There are some numbers that seem to be randomly written, but he's not sure, and at the bottom of the page is an address.

Kang knows it. It's a small house a little outside town in the middle of the forest.

A cabin too familiar for Taehyun. With green and an ugly yellow on the walls of the rooms.

It was a family home. One that Taehyun had only taken Beomgyu to shortly before the wedding.

He was hopeful back then.

Telling Beomgyu the history of the place and that if at any time he wanted to cancel the wedding, Kang would support him in everything and would lend him that same house while everything calmed down, that he himself would stay with him for as long as necessary. He was the best man after all.

It was supposed to be a confession. But Taehyun must not have paraphrased it well because Beomgyu only let out a few laughs and asked about the garden.

Beomgyu must have told Soobin.

It angers Taehyun still, that Soobin knows about it. The little heaven he imagined for Beomgyu and himself.

But it's a good sign, he supposes. There's no need for the blonde to be interested in it.

There's a knock on the door, and when it's opened Kang is already sitting on the bed again. Smiling at him is Soobin, telling him that Yeonjun is here and breakfast is ready. ''I had the feeling you wanted to rest here.'' He says.

Soobin looks cheerful, too cheerful.

When Taehyun points it out -Because they're still friends somehow, and it come so natural to tease him-  Soobin shakes his head.

''I haven't cooked with Huening Kai in a long time.'' His smile falls a bit, but there is something new in his eyes when he sees Taehyun. ''We took our time, Didn't we?''

Chapter Text

Soobin was so nice for the rest of the day. Happy. Relaxed. As if nothing was happening, as if his husband was still there. Sitting on his lap, slurping his cup of mint tea as he used to do most days.

He can't even imagine being so calm. Maybe because it's been weeks and Soobin's getting better. Because when it all started he was hurt and sad, in front of the world, the cameras and his friends. Taehyun knows it was all a fraud. He thought at the beginning it was himself the one that wanted to incriminate Soobin. He does now too, maybe. But Soobin's guilt it's not on his facade. It's in the little things he presents to Taehyun and hides from the others.

A form of mocking offer. Laughing in his face because he knows and he can't do anything about it without looking completely mad.

As if saying that he can get away with it because he's so smart, and docile, and trust worthy.

Soobin would never hurt Beomgyu. Everyone knows.

Except he would, and he has. A burning secret Kang choose to keep between himself and Beomgyu and Soobin, at the end.

He never said anything because Beomgyu asked him not to, and he was a good friend. So he hadn't, and it led to this.

He wasn't the one who took Beomgyu's blood and left it at the door, but he wasn't completely innocent either.

So the notebook was a surprise, heavy in his pocket as he sat down at the table. Soobin had watch him, eyes bright and a quick glance at the only place on his body where Taehyun could have hidden something.

As if he knew.

Huening Kai is looking down at the thing, it seems so small in between his hands, he glances at Kang.

"You just stole it?"

He nods.

"Didn't you think that maybe Soobin would realize it's gone?"

His hyung had entered the room out of nowhere, giving him no time to do anything else, he had snatch it, placing it as fast as he could in his clothes.

" I didn't have my phone." He doesn't say that Soobin probably does know.

There's a snort from Kai as he flips over the pages, reading the scribbles over and over again, trying to make sense of it. Taehyun is waiting for him to read the address at the bottom of the sheet. But the eyes of the younger seem to focus on the words and numbers crossed out in the center.

Kang lets out a soft cough, pulling Huening Kai out of his deep concentration. He looks startled, puzzled.

"The address... It's my family home." He says. But Kai pays him no mind. "Only Beomgyu and I knew about it."

It had been a gift, from his parents. He never saw the need to discuss it with his friends. Nor to live there. Too far away from town.

"These..." He says, finally. He gestures towards the notebook in his lap, his hands trembling slightly. "Are not random," his voice barely above a whisper.

Taehyun leans closer, his eyes scanning the jumble of words. He does not see what Huening Kai does. They are simple letters and numbers. There is nothing more to it than that.

''It's an itinerary," He reveals, his voice filled with a mix of awe and disbelief.

Kang blinks in surprise, his confusion deepening.

He pulls out his phone, opening the calendar. With shaky fingers, he scrolls through the dates until he finds what he's looking for. "It starts with a 0507," he explains. "And it ends with 1810."

Kang's eyes widens.

"The fifth of July, August twenty-fifth, the first of September," The numbers written in the book. "All of them were Tuesday or Thursday. I stay at Lea's those days...''

A heavy silence hangs in the air as the weight of their realization settled upon them.

Yeonjun used to have his stupid cooking classes and Taehyun had to travel to the neighboring city by train for work.

Beomgyu disappeared on Tuesday, October 18. When Kai was with his sisters, Yeonjun preparing some dessert and Taehyun asleep on the couch in his apartment because the trip had been too heavy that time.

That's why no one found out right away. No one had time to send a message to him. A call. Nothing.

How convenient.

How convenient that Soobin had all that written down. Because it is indisputably his handwriting, in his journal that everyone had seen more than once.

It seems that Kai shares the same thought, he realizes when his eyes fall, quickly filling with tears that gather on his chin.

He doesn't say anything, and even if he wanted to he can't because it's obvious that he can't even breathe properly. He's struggling between sobs, his saliva, his snot and the trail of salt water.

He's so devastated by what he has found between those pages.

Taehyun understands. Soobin is Huening Kai's hyung. The one who cares about him the most. They go way back, best friends like Beomgyu and him are. In a way Kai and Taehyun aren't.

And although those same feelings are not hidden in that friendship, Taehyun knows that it can't be easy.

It can't be easy to realize that one of your closest friends had something to do with the disappearance of another of them.

It is easy for Kang, because he knew, what Soobin is really like, because Beomgyu told him, trusted him, showed him.

Taehyun can only see him, and even though he feels like he should comfort him somehow, he doesn't.

They need to find Beomgyu, and now that they are certain Soobin had something to do with it, they can't just sit around waiting for this to resolve itself.

Chapter Text

Taehyun's limbs are heavy. He's sinking into the seat, while his mind flies far away. Huening Kai is next to him, breathing too loudly in the quiet space. 

It's Monday and they're parked a street down from Soobin's since the sky started to darken.

They're observing Soobin's routine outside of Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's the second time they've done it.

"Let's hope he doesn't do anything again" Kai says "If he doesn't know you took his notebook." A comment that has been repeated for days.

But Taehyun isn't sure. Because the more he thinks about it, the less it all makes sense. Why would Soobin leave his notes in a place like that? Why would he leave something so incriminating within reach of Taehyun.

Taehyun is desperate for Beomgyu. To find Beomgyu.

Maybe it's the opposite of what Kai thinks. Maybe he wants them to know. Documentaries never lie. The killer always wants to be known, showing off their greatest masterpiece. 

But Soobin did nothing but pace back and forth in his living room, and today he's just lying on his couch with the lights off and the TV playing infomercials. He hasn't looked outside once. 

He looks calm, somewhat bored. Like when they were in college spending endless days in Taehyun's dorm. Always at Taehyun's because when Beomgyu dropped out they never assigned him another roommate. A safe place. Soobin was nice, interesting, he was ridiculous too. Kang thought more than once a week why Beomgyu put up with someone so childish.

He never really understood.

He supposes for that same reason no one thought that Soobin could abuse Beomgyu. Because Beomgyu was always more vocal, his personality more defined, he would never have let a jerk like Soobin treat him like he didn't deserve.

But people were wrong and maybe Taehyun too.

That's why he let Huening Kai convince him to be here. Waiting for Soobin to go up to his room to sleep before driving out of the city to that house hidden in the ferns.

It's a bad idea, idiots, they are idiots but Taehyun doesn't know what else to do, he's not an investigator, he's not as smart as others give him credit for, or maybe not in the sense he needs. And more importantly he can't keep waiting, time is running out and with it the possibility of finding Beomgyu alive. Kai's thinking is a little different. For him it's not so urgent because the younger is sure that Beomgyu is dead. We don't know if he survived the first day. He had said. Still Kang followed his advice. If he was so urgent, he had to do something.

The blond doesn't turn off the television until two in the morning. They see him climbing the stairs with heavy steps. The house is big, and Beomgyu used to complain about the windows nonstop. Too big, too revealing. But the curtains remained white and see through.

When there is no more perceptible movement inside the big house they wait a while longer to start the car and go chase a ghost in the middle of nowhere.

The ride is silent. Taehyun is tense and Kai just looks out the window, counting the stops, counting the trees. He's out of himself, unusually quiet but what is usual in these situations?

Not for the first time, Taehyun wonders if he should have confided his secrets to Yeonjun instead of the man next to him.

No. Yeonjun is too volatile, he wouldn't have even finished listening to Kang before taking him by the arm and pulling him to apologize to Soobin for even thinking about the possibility that he could hurt Beomgyu. Yeonjun was good, Taehyun knew, but he wouldn't have helped but hindered.

But Huening Kai. Outside of the confession that day at the bar and understanding the diary, he has remained useless, with his head down, without motivation. It could be everything that this entails, the weight of tragedy, understanding incriminating coded words.

Either way, Taehyun can't trust anyone else. No time. He has to settle for the younger one.

The house is in sight. Taehyun parks, hidden, between the weeds and the darkness. He's nervous. Too much. He senses something is wrong and when he turns to Kai he can see in his eyes that he thinks the same thing. 

The hostile environment, they are not in the perimeter of the house yet but they can feel it. God. What did they get into? Where is Beomgyu.

"I think I should go alone." Kang says, and Kai grimaces, shaking his head.

"Are you stupid? You can't go alone, if we both go it will be safer." He opens the door and gets out of the car, arms crossed with grass in his pants. Taehyun has had a lot of doubts lately, he questions his friends, their actions, his very way of thinking, but maybe he hadn't stopped to review his actions. He came here, with Kai who is younger, close to possible danger. Taehyun doesn't really expect to find anything inside the house, there's no threat. Soobin isn't here but they're still afraid, both of them, Kai and himself, of seeing something they're not ready to face. 

Beomgyu is not dead. But what if? What if what they discover in there is a corpse instead of a living person, instead of just dust and old furniture? 

Huening Kai can't see that, Taehyun has been inconsiderate enough.

And maybe, just maybe, in the corners of Kang's mind that he doesn't want to scratch, there's another reason, if Beomgyu is there, if there's something else, Taehyun wants to be the first to know, to help, the savior, the one that resolves. 

He wants to be Beomgyu's hero, separate him from the evil that is Soobin, create a situation so complex and closed where there are no other options. Beomgyu could choose him, for the first time. 

If he's alive, if Taehyun does everything right. It could be him.

Chapter Text

Taehyun supposes he's always been jealous of Soobin.

In high school when Beomgyu, Kai, and Yeonjun chose him to help in their projects, Taehyun was smarter, his work was cleaner and more creative, but everyone had a better time with Soobin.

His house was bigger too, he had siblings but they were older and already had their own lives, leaving spaces around the place that by themselves beat the three-bedroom house Taehyun shared with his parents, sister, and cousins. Soobin was a loner before, so his parents used to buy him everything that caught his eye, and being the youngest son, the gifts were doubled. Yeonjun only had his mother to support him, Kai had sisters who didn't share his tastes, so it made sense that they wanted to see the extensive collections Soobin had of everything because he had so many things. Beomgyu was much less material even though his house was bigger and his parents had more money, he never had to share with his brother, something in common with Soobin that he didn't have with Taehyun.

Taehyun was never poor, nor did he lack anything, but there was always that short distance between them, Kang was never interested in the belongings that others had in his adolescence, but he was interested in the attention that Soobin received for them.

Everything became more equal when they entered college, all following the same path because that's how close they were. Different careers but on the same campus, the same rooms, separated only by meters. And the arts and commerce building were next to each other. So Beomgyu and Taehyun ended up having the same room – Because they both insisted with the coordinator, relentlessly until she approved it. –

That was when he started to feel it. Before it was for everyone, he wanted everyone to consider him their closest friend, Soobin included, although his own was Kai at the time, but months after starting university he wanted to follow Beomgyu everywhere, butterflies in his stomach every second, every moment they were together. But Beomgyu was elusive and Taehyun never realized that there was something different between his hyungs, that Soobin and Beomgyu spent more time together than usual, that they shared glances and smiles that Taehyun didn't know the meaning of because Beomgyu's time was always split into three, between the five of them together, between Soobin and between Taehyun. Because they lived together and it was inevitable.

Taehyun foolishly thought that proximity would do in Beomgyu what it did in him.

But Beomgyu was always his own person, never getting carried away by situations, the confines of his own and others' actions and Kang knew, better than anyone, better than stupid Soobin.

He used to talk to Kai about it, rambling with words that came out fast from his mouth, meaningless but that communicated everything he felt for Beomgyu. Kai was a good listener as well as he could decipher the incoherent things Kang said. He gave advice that the other almost never followed.

'If you like Beomgyu so much you should tell him.' It sounded simple but Taehyun didn't want to ruin the best friends relationship that he worked hard to create.

And then he told him something similar again, 'If you keep waiting you're going to regret it' as if he knew something that Taehyun didn't. The foundations for what Soobin and Beomgyu would become were already there, because Kang saw him less and less but he didn't want to know.

And Beomgyu had had a boyfriend before Soobin. In his second week, when a boy from the first class he showed up to asked him out. But Kang never felt the immense emptiness, the desperation for them to break up, that was a feeling that was only directed at Soobin. Amongst all the discomfort and sadness, Taehyun always liked to think that it was because he knew Beomgyu so well, he knew his feelings for other people so well he knew in his heart that Beomgyu never loved Jeongin, but he adored Soobin, and Kang felt it all as if it were his own, all inverted, painful and dark.

"You're not going in there alone." Kai stands with his arms crossed, stalling for time. Taehyun doesn't want to be there all night.

He has to say something, convince him. It can't be too hard it's Huening Kai.

"What if there's someone there?" Kai rolls his eyes. What an idiot. Come on Taehyun, one more time, say something that will make him stay here. "If it's not Soobin then it's someone else, and if it's there I'll have to run away, stay here so you can have the car ready."

Kai drops his arms to his sides, grimacing. "Please if anything happens, whatever seems dangerous to you, get out of there immediately. I don't want... I don't want anything to happen to you too."

Huening Kai is good, he cares about everyone, about Beomgyu, about Taehyun, about Soobin. He's not as young as he used to be, but he still has that charm of being the youngest of the group, something innocent and tender. Taehyun always saw him as an equal, he didn't understand all the time why the other three infantilized Kai so much, not only when they were kids but now too. He guesses it makes sense.

They used to be so close before with shared experiences, Taehyun's first times were with Kai by his side, if not with him with one of the others.

They were inseparable and he loved them all so much, when he could put aside his envy and feelings that had no place in friendship, it was all unconditional and pure and true. Lately he doesn't feel that way, even before Beomgyu disappeared a gap had been created that was increasingly difficult to bridge because even though they saw each other almost every day of the week it wasn't the same. Yeonjun was quieter, his mind always somewhere else or on his phone, Kai was starting to have a life outside of them losing the inability to make friends on his own, Soobin was always in his own bubble and Beomgyu was so different because of what he suffered at home, and Taehyun... This year he had thought more than ever about his feelings for Beomgyu, now that he knew what Soobin was like.

This is so hard, Kang wants all of this to end and go back to normal. He wants Beomgyu to come back and strengthen their bond and see what happens.

The house looks small from where the car is parked with the lights off, but Taehyun doesn't take long to get there, he doesn't know if he doesn't feel the passing of time or if he's walking too fast, but he's at the back entrance in seconds, his heart beating so fast, making a racket in the quiet atmosphere of the place.

He hadn't entered the house in years, he doesn't even remember what it looks like exactly, so when he closes the door behind him and looks around the space everything looks vaguely familiar, distant from him, from the dream with Beomgyu that he fantasized about so much in this very house. Will Taehyun ever be able to live it? If he finds Beomgyu alive today, will it be enough to form that different connection?

The door leads directly to the kitchen, and although there isn't much light Taehyun can see that everything is clean, dust-free and with utensils draining next to the sink.

The house is lived in.

He keeps walking, cautious and confused and he's scared, grabbing the still wet knife that's in the counter —And it shouldn't be there because he never unpacked the boxes in the attic. He never even saw them, it was his dad the one that placed them there.— as he goes deeper and deeper into the house. The living room is different, he does remember that, before the big couch was by the wall, he moved it himself all those years ago, now it's in the middle of the room, it has a blanket with the cushions out of place, on the floor and all the rest together in a pile in the corner closest to the lamp. There are books and a glass of water.

This house is fucking lived in. It's not a murder scene. There's no blood on the floor or rooting smell.

Why would Soobin need to do all that? He spends most of his time at home or at work when he feels well enough, or so he says. So why is this place like this? Full of necessities and things to pass the time.

He's hiding his mistress here? That was Kai's hypothesis but they hadn't seen anything that indicated it so they had ruled it out. Had he really been cheating on Beomgyu this whole time? and no one had noticed?

Taehyun would never have thought about it when they were in school, Soobin was stupid but he was too shy to find anyone who wasn't already his friend. Besides... Kang never believed him capable, Beomgyu was too good and back then he knew Soobin thought the same.

It seems that people really change, beyond the obvious, in the little things.

Had Soobin always been like this or had he bloomed with marriage? Blaming Beomgyu's wanting nature of constant attention, blaming his husband for wanting excessively all the time. Oh, Taehyun wouldn't waste a breath on another person if it meant keeping Beomgyu happy, Soobin's not as committed it seems.

There is a sound coming from the darkness and Taehyun just watches, he doesn't hide or cover himself. What could it be? Is it the mistress? Is it another accomplice of Soobin? Is it someone who has nothing to do with Soobin? Is it someone alien to them and to the situation who was just looking for a place to take shelter? Or maybe... Thousands of questions flood his mind, he forces himself to concentrate on the noise, he narrows his eyes to focus better.

Then there's light. Light coming from the bathroom, it makes Taehyun freeze, his hand tightens around the knife and he stops breathing, waiting for the door to fully open. It can't be Soobin. They left him forty minutes away from them.

He's on edge. The moment in slow motion, he feels like he knows what to expect but he's not sure. He doesn't move from his spot, one foot planted on the ground and the other with the heel in the air in case he has to push off, run or defend himself depending on the situation.

He's strong. He could probably defend himself if a psychopath lunges at him for the kill. He could defend himself against Soobin too. But this person isn't Soobin. He's shorter, about Taehyun's size with broad shoulders and a slender body and Taehyun knows... he knows, he'd recognize him anywhere, in every way possible.

His heart shrinks and grows back in an instant. Relief and concern and happiness and confusion.

He thought about it, it's what he wanted, what everyone wanted, for Beomgyu to be alive but seeing him there, standing in front of Taehyun... it's hard to process. They've been worried for so long, sleepless nights, days without going to work, less income, less peace. It's over. It's all over, Taehyun did it.

Beomgyu is trembling, his hair shorter than it was before, there's no trace of the red he wore, now it's jet black. He looks different, almost as much as he looks surprised.

''Taehyun?'' He says, and his voice is as thick as ever. Taehyun is so relieved to see him again, different but the same person, his same Beomgyu.

I missed him so much.

''Beomgyu...are you alright? Are you hurt?''

The other shakes his head. He looks frightened.

And Taehyun has to touch him, to make sure that this is real, that Beomgyu is safe and sound. He’s not dead. He didn’t die. He’s still here, not in Yeonjun’s resigned words, not in his own fantasies where he did things differently without fear of rejection, without fear of their little group breaking up and Soobin being upset that he stole the best thing he ever had. Soobin doesn’t deserve him and now Taehyun can give Beomgyu everything he truly needs.

He hugs him tightly, he wants to cry but can't because now they must return to Kai and get out of this place. He has to get Beomgyu to safety, help him once again in what matters most.

"Please, help me." Beomgyu says urgently. His warm palms gripping his right arm. He's taking his knife. Kang doesn't stop him.

"We have to leave now." And Taehyun turns around to go back out the back door, to walk the same way he came in, he hasn't been there for ten minutes and he's already leaving with Beomgyu. With Beomgyu. Huening Kai is going to be so happy.

Taehyun is an observant person, quick of mind so he feels it. The weirdness in all of this but he doesn't want to think about it, process it, he wants to get out, get in the car, go to the police and maybe kiss Beomgyu once and for all.

What truly happened if Beomgyu's here and unscratched? He looks fine and Taehyun can't stop his eyes and brain and heart. It can't be because this isn't a movie. And this is Taehyun's family home and Soobin had been here before and now Beomgyu is too. After disappearing for almost two months.

A blood stain at the entrance of the big Choi house appears before his eyes. Rooms torn apart, police and journalists. National and international news filled with Beomgyu's name. They didn't know what exactly had happened, only that he wasn't there and someone had taken him by force. Soobin's notebook makes more sense now.

Kang desperately wants to leave because everything is taking shape in his cloudy brain and he doesn't want that to happen before he tells Kai everything or the authorities or anyone who believes him. But it's not that easy because when he turns around Beomgyu is not moving.

He's standing still.

Chapter Text

"Beomgyu?" The name feels heavy on his tongue. He feels his blood pulsing through his veins, the relief short-lived because now he's worried.

Beomgyu stares at him, but not intently; he seems petrified. He raises an index finger to his ear, pointing. Listen. He's clearly agitated, his cheeks pale and his slender fingers twitching.

It's muffled, but it's undeniably a car, much closer than his own. It can't be Kai; they parked farther away for a reason.

"Is it him?" Beomgyu whispers.

"Who?"

"Soobin."

A heaviness settles on Taehyun's shoulders. He knew it was Soobin, he wanted it to be him, but now that it's certain, his body feels a little limp. Soobin really did this. Soobin is to blame.

He doesn't have time to grab Beomgyu and leave because the front door is opening. It wasn't locked. Beomgyu was unprotected. And he was here alone.

He pushes Beomgyu to the closest room without waiting to see the person infiltrating.

He's scared. But he can't let Beomgyu know. He truly suffered. He's trembling, his warm body pressed against Taehyun's. They're in the studio. It's more of an attempt at an office; it's not that small, but it feels claustrophobic. How are they going to get out of there? Without Soobin knowing, without him catching them?

He wants to take his knife back but Beomgyu does not let it go, instead Kang walks towards the wall, away from the door. They hear Soobin's voice calling for Beomgyu before going quiet. It's silent for a while but then his heavy steps start moving around, closer each time. 

This is much familiar. They played hide and seek in college when everyone reunited. At their grown age they would do anything if it meant wasting time and not doing their assignments or not finding a job in Yeonjun's case. They used to make fun of him because he was graduating and he was still penniless, his parents wanted him out of the house and Soobin had opened his home to him. Fond memories, those are, unlike the moment Taehyun is living in right now. He could be quiet then, but now he has to put his hands over his mouth to avoid any sound from leaving.  He's shaking and when he looks over at Beomgyu he's just looking at the door, expecting, analizyng the light that filters, the shadows. 

The loud banging takes him by surprise for some reason and runs to keep it close. Should he open? Maybe this is a misunderstanding, Taehyun was silly and draw conclusions perhaps. 

But as much as he wants to lie to himself he knows what is happening, he knows the danger is real, he's smart and he has eyes. 

''Taehyun, come out.'' Soobin says and a weird feeling goes through Kang. 

''Stay away from the door.'' He says it to Beomgyu but it seems it falls to deaf ears because Beomgyu stays sill once again. ''Beomgyu, please.'' Why is he begging, Why does he have to ask, why does he think Beomgyu won't do it?

He's trapped in this state of confusion, Beomgyu's sweet giggles echoing in his eardrum. This is bad. Something is wrong because the Beomgyu in front of him doesn't look like what Kang expected. Some teary eyes and a dejected body so beaten that he would have to carry him to his car. That was what he expected.

Not this version of Beomgyu so cheerful, smile so bright Taehyun has to squint to meet his face.

Soobin keeps knocking on the door.

''Let's open.'' Beomgyu says with all amusement.

Taehyun shakes his head. He doesn't know what's wrong with Beomgyu but he knows that doing that would be a mistake. But he can't stop Beomgyu when he passes him with a smile, removing his hand that was tightly holding the knob.

The door opens and Soobin is there, he looks happy, an unmistakable dimple showing. 

''Are you hiding?'' He says in that teasing tone, tilting his head. It's a manner he has seen before, when they joke and laugh. It's said the same but the intentions are different. Taehyun thought he could fight Soobin if he had to but his arms are useless at his sides. His fright is so great he's having trouble breathing. 

Kang takes a few steps back, as far away from Soobin as he can in the confined space of the studio, he does not take Beomgyu's hand like he did when Soobin arrived. But Soobin follows, like an inverted dance, he traces Taehyun's steps and approaches, his gaze dark because he's tall and stands in the way of the artificial light from the ceiling. Beomgyu makes way for him, pressing himself against the wall with a strange innocence.

It's as if they're playing. Soobin and Beomgyu. Kang almost expects Beomgyu to block the door but he makes no more than stand there, watching them with a gleefull stare and he locks eyes with him and lifts his hand to grip his chest, right above where his heart is. 'I'm excited.' He mouths at Taehyun.

What the fuck. 

What the fuck is happening. He could make sense of this if he wasn't so confused and scared, these two are acting like fucking psychopaths and he's not sure what he should do yet. 

He wasn't prepared to see a Beomgyu so clearly well and healthy. With his porcelain skin untouched, clean of anything bad. It doesn't even look like he could've bled in the house, that's how good he appears. His broad shoulders are pointing up, his weight on his hip. Beomgyu is fine. He's fine and Kang thinks that maybe he has been fine the entire time. 

All his worries, his agonizing guilt, Yeonjun's tears, The alcohol in Kai...

Taehyun is afraid. He moves to the corner of the room, trying to optimize the little floor he does have so he can use it. When Soobin is close enough Taehyun breaks into a poorly planned run. 

He darts to the right, creating a barrier between him and Soobin with the small table in the middle of the room. He moves quickly toward the door; it's open, so reaching the hallway is quick. Kang doesn't know what they're capable of but he doesn't want to find out. Are they playing with him? Does Kai know this is a joke and that's why he decided to come? No, of course not. Kai wouldn't do that to him. He wouldn't put him in a situation that would make him freeze in terror. He wouldn't conspire to lie about Beomgyu's disappearance. What the hell is going on?

Seconds pass slowly, and he's running as fast as he can to any door or window that works, but Soobin is fast too, his legs longer, more familiar with the house. No matter how much he runs in different directions, Soobin is there, stepping on his ankles. He can't get out, and Soobin is hunting him. He feels Soobin kick him in the calf, and it hurts but Kang doesn't want to stop, even if his leg gets fucked up from the effort. He has to get out. 

The front door is there, and Taehyun is sure it's locked but it doesn't need a key, he just needs to turn the latch. It's too close to try though, he can't go straight to it because Soobin is there, running after him so he takes a sharp turn and runs to the left, guiding Soobin to a different room, the living room is spacious but Taehyun keeps running because he needs an actual obstacle to slow Soobin down, just for a few seconds. 

The kitchen is there, with it's high island and narrow corners, he moves to them and Soobin stays at the other side. 

The blond lets out a laugh, he raises his eyebrows while he looks at Kang. Taehyun knows what he's saying. He's known Soobin for so long he can understand his little mannerisms, he can read between the lines and can tell Soobin is surprised that he hasn't catch Taehyun yet. This is so fun. It's what his eyes are saying. What do we do now? His eyebrows ask. 

Taehyun glances at the door he came in through, connected to the kitchen, it seems a safer choice than the front one, just a few meters away but it's too obvious. He glances at it again so Soobin notices him doing so. Soobin takes some slow, calculated steps towards it, he's not blocking the way but he could if Taehyun decided to go there. He's not, though. He waits a little more, Soobin wants to talk, to mock him, Kang knows this. He knows all of them so well and yet he can't say exactly why they're behaving like this. 

 ''Aren't you supposed to be smart, Taehyunnie?'' He is. Taehyun is smart. His mind has been foggy lately but he's always been the smartest. Soobin is a fool. He can't overtake Taehyun with just strenght. ''That cave of yours is so fucking empty you've been on autopilot these two months.''

And he's not wrong. Soobin knows Taehyun too after all. 

''What the fuck are you doing.'' Kang spits with strong words. An accusations more than a question. He moves a little towards the back door, Soobin does as well. 

''It's hard to explain.'' Soobin says it as if this is another of their hangouts, all seated around the table with an instruction sheet in hand. He looks so handsome, wild hair and a glistening skin caused by the sweat. ''That day, you know?''  

Of course Kang does, lively with all the details, with all the blood and the shock. He doesn't need to hear Soobin's explanation, he can hear it from the police later so while words start leaving Soobin's smiley mouth Taehyun throws what's closest to him at Soobin. It caughts him so off guard he falls to the floor and Taehyun fucking sprints, he climbs the island and jumps as far as he can, he doesn't fall, he doesn't stumble. 

The front door is in his eyesight again and Soobin is just leaving the kitchen, so he goes harder. His legs burn from the instesity and he's out of breath but he does not stop. 

He turns the latch and as soon as he opens the door his voice is getting out of him. 

''KAI!'' He screams. 

He tries to at least because the sound is too weak, as is his body when an unexpected hand janks him by the hair, his weight betraying him when with a strong kick the door is closed again. Taehyun's slamed against the wood. His head bouncing into the hard surface time after time after time. Again and again. He feels light. He can't think. 

Soobin was far enough behind. How did he catch up with Taehyun so fast? 

But those hands are not Soobin's. They hold too little hair in them, they're small and Taehyun can see Soobin from the corner of his eyes, standing with a slight frown. 

When there's enough time for Taehyun to clumsly turn around he's met with big brown eyes. So familiar and yet so different. Beomgyu has never looked at him that way before, with anger and annoyance. 

Soobin wasn't going to catch him but Beomgyu? even in this madness Beomgyu has him in the palm of his hand. He doesn't even need to throw him to the ground because Taehyun would've done it himself. He doesn't need to kick him as he does. Doesn't have to stomp his head or body because Taehyun's mind is already gone again. Just by feeling Beomgyu's skin on him, in whichever way it is, violence or otherwise. 

Taehyun is not defending himself. He's not going to.

—

Soobin is dragging him. Taehyun is dead weight and still Soobin is strong enough to drag him without much effort through the house, the floor is cold and he can only focus on Beomgyu walking behind them. He looks annoyed, a frown on his face Taehyun wants to kiss away.  His head is bouncing when it hits against the stairs. It hurts, but he can only stare. Mind empty, the questions are there no more. He can think of them when he isn't moving and aching. Out of the four of them he didn't think Beomgyu could beat him up like that. 

Funny. 

He dissociates a bit, he thinks. Because when he blinks rapidly again he's in a bedroom, still on the floor, Soobin is by the door, blocking the way out and Beomgyu is sitting in front of him, so pretty, the knife he took from him is by the pillow, his delicate hands placed on his lap, they're brusing and Taehyun wonders what he looks like right now if Beomgyu's knuckles are so red. 

''I don't like touching them.'' Beomgyu says. He's angry still. Them who? It's only Taehyun here. ''You took your time, Taehyun, I thought you were smarter and could connect the dots faster. We were reaching the limit time, you know?'' 

Kang just... stares, eyes unfocused, his jaw locked. 

He gets it. He knew the second he saw Beomgyu standing there unscratched. He was just lying to himself. He risked it. Beomgyu doesn't look fine, he is fine, he's in this, as much as Soobin. Why. Why?

Kang voices this outloud.

''What is this?'' 

Beomgyu glances at Soobin, then at Taehyun. He plays with the question in his mind, ''Do you remember Jeongin?''

Of course he does. Beomgyu's little boyfriend, years ago, before he and Soobin started dating.

''He was nice.'' He says. 

''He wasn't fast though.'' Beomgyu smiles at him, so sweet. ''Not like you.''

He does remember, a cloudy day, Yeonjun had brought the school's newspaper to the dorm, his face with an expression of surprise. Jeongin is missing. Beomgyu had cried and helped with the search, convinced them all to go, cooperated so much that they didn't even question him. Two days before Beomgyu and Soobin had gotten engaged with a cheap ring even though they both came from wealthy families. That night they never wanted to share with the rest.

They've done it before. Whatever it is. How many before or after Jeongin?

"Are you going to kill me?" His bones feel heavy. The answer is obvious. Jeongin was never found after all.

Soobin chuckles; more air than anything, and Kang turns to look at him. He looks intimidating there. How come no one noticed? They've been friends for years, so many years. They had their faults but this? Why are they doing this to Taehyun?

"I'm not sure." Beomgyu stands, extends his hand for Taehyun to take, and he's afraid; he doesn't trust this Beomgyu, but it is Beomgyu after all. He takes his hand, getting up from the floor.

"You know... It was so easy with you." He runs his fingers over Kang's face, rubs away some of the dried blood that decorates it. "When I told you the stories and showed you all those bruises, you believed me right away. I thought you'd go to the police for a moment, but you never did." He sits him down on the bed, positions himself between his spread legs, his small fingers playing with the fabric of Taehyun's shirt, lifting it, throwing it to the floor when he manages to get it off. "It worried you a little, but it didn't compare to knowing that only you knew that part of me, no one else."

Beomgyu lays him down, sits on his lap, looking down at him. He's so beautiful. And he's right, too, even though Taehyun would never admit it. He didn't report the abuse; he'd only told Kai about his suspicions.

Taehyun wanted to be a part of Beomgyu, in any way possible, and this... Soobin's violence, the disappearance, was something so big, so damaging that Kang felt it deep inside. Only he knew what was happening, only he could help Beomgyu, and he never did. And it was never real either.

Stingy with his bond, he took everything Beomgyu gave him and never shared it even when he had to.

That's why he's here. A bad friend and a bad person. Greedy. Stupid.

"It wouldn't have worked with Kai nor Yeonjun... Just you." An accusing look, Taehyun feels shame. "We laid it out so easily for you, you're my favorite."

Taehyun is confused, it was easy, the clues, Soobin's manners. Kang is a fool, but upon hearing those words, his insides warm. He's Beomgyu's favorite. Of course. Kang Taehyun, always unconditional, and yet Beomgyu is doing this with Soobin, because something beyond love ties them together.

He smiles at him; he looks so different like this, without his mask and in his element. His eyes don't have their usual warmth; they don't crinkle with his smile, they don't shine in the light. Two soulless hollows stare at him, and Taehyun still thinks he's the most divine thing in existence.

He leans in, closer and closer. And Beomgyu kisses him, his soft lips brushing against his. Kang reacts by turning to look at Soobin. The blond doesn't do anything; he just stands there watching. And Taehyun isn't that strong. Soobin could kill him later, but kissing Beomgyu is something he never thought possible. So distant, even though it happened in his dreams every day. He wishes it were different, maybe not the action, but the situation. Without Soobin, without the danger, without the knife higher up on the bed.

Is this what he did to the others too? He can't feel bad for them if so.

"Off?" Beomgyu asks, hand on his zipper. 

It's easy, all of this, the way Taehyun undresses for him in desperation, the way he doesn't question why, after so much time, Beomgyu has decided to give him this gift he's been waiting for so long. He just lets him clim back to his lap, lets him kiss him again, let's him take his cock.

Breathtaking. In his lithe body, rough movements. He licks the dried red off of Taehyun's face, it should be disgusting but Kang thrives from it. He wanted Beomgyu for so many years. He used to think Beomgyu would see what he was missing, that Taehyun could be everything none of his boyfriends ever were, everything Soobin couldn't even try to be. A life dedicated to Choi Beomgyu. Huening Kai used to make fun of him and then when Taehyun's obsession grew, he had grown worried too. Annoyed even.

But Kai doesn't know. If he had share a dorm with Beomgyu he would be as bad a Taehyun. Beomgyu was funny and nice and thoughtful and stunning and bad, evil, rotten. Taehyun wants it all. Kai doesn't understand the need, the love and necessity so profound it kept Kang alive. But even when he feels Beomgyu moving, using him for pleasure, Taehyun squirming because it feels so good in itself and even better because it's Beomgyu he's fucking, he knows this is wrong, probably.

It's sick, Soobin watching from the door frame, body so big it hides the outside. Taehyun never knew Soobin was so strong, never knew he could drag him around the place all those times Kang had wind him up.

Just as he didn't know Beomgyu was like this, mad in the head with perverted fantasies and structured lies that came out so easily from his pretty mouth.

And Taehyun believed him. He believed everything.

But who could blame him, when looking at Beomgyu anyone would do the same. Who could blame him if they saw him right now. After being chased down and beaten still at the mercy of his predator just because he loves him.

Beomgyu looks beautiful like this anyway. On top of him, naked and glowing.

Maybe the shine is from the knife he's holding against Taehyun's neck.

"I love you." A whisper. He can feel blood trickling down because the edge is too sharp, too tight. He never felt brave enough to confess. Even when everyone knew.

Beomgyu laughs. Loudly.

''You don't love me, Taehyun.''

''I do.''

''No, you love how I presented myself to you. You could never love for who I truly am, not like my Soobin does.''

He could love him best, not allowing him to let his intrusive thoughts in, taking care of him in the ways he clearly needed.

Maybe he could love him worst, he could find any man Beomgyu wanted and let him get away with anything, maybe not their friends.

But Soobin...

Soobin was different to Taehyun just as Taehyun is to him. The unspoken rivalry they both had, the bursting love for Beomgyu. The pathetic hate Taehyun took over the years on his hyung just because he had the boy Kang wanted.

Perhaps it's not a 'just' for either of them.

He would kill Soobin if Beomgyu asked. Soobin will as well.

"We're doing this to end your suffering, Taehyun. You don't have to carry your heavy feelings anymore." He moans, it's butter to the ears. "All of those guys before... I wanted it to be you all this time." 

He's special in a way, And Kang is so messed up, his mind so staticky. He could fight, he could try to scream to alert Kai, but he doesn't want to.

Beomgyu is going to kill him and Taehyun wants it, all the attention Beomgyu will give him, all the thought he'll be in. Taehyun is special. Is it not love what Beomgyu feels? He's been thinking about this for years, he made up all this story and effort just so he could get to Kang.

Does Taehyun not have the right to want to be loved back? Beomgyu is all he's ever wanted, and if Beomgyu's desire is to take his life, who is he to deny him?

Chapter Text

"Choi Beomgyu disappeared two months ago without a trace. Today his search is concluded." The news guy says, high-pitched voice. Kai used to like the anchor before, when the news excluded people he cared about. He's in the hospital, Yeonjun by his side. There are so many people outside, more than that haunted day. Asking questions and illuminating the place as if the sun were setting in the sky. It isn't. It's nighttime. "The culprit? Beomgyu's supposed best friend, who deprived him of his freedom in a house outside the city."

Yeonjun sobs. Loud and airy and wet. He's been a mess since Beomgyu came back. Happy because he's not dead. Heartbroken because of what Taehyun did. It bothers Kai in ways he never thought possible. He'd been bitter when it all started, but now he's feeling uncontrollable rage, with Yeonjun, who doesn't doubt it no matter how surprised he is, with the police for not finding Beomgyu before Taehyun, with Soobin, with Beomgyu, with himself. With himself. He. Himself.

When he saw Soobin's car arrive... He... He didn't know what to do, he just stood there. He didn't go in to help Taehyun. He didn't give his testimony even though he knows the truth. God. They cut his fucking throat. Taehyun isn't a kidnapper, he isn't a rapist. He wasn't, and he never would have done anything like that no matter what version Beomgyu presents. He should have done something. He should have said something. But he doesn't, and he won't. Kai is a coward. Just like Taehyun always saw him. It's not fair. None of this is fair. Taehyun is his best friend. Was. Is. And now he can't even attend his funeral because there won't be one. His parents too ashamed of their son. Of what he supposedly did. None of them knew him? Do they not care anymore once he's dead? He wants to complain and scream and fight but he's not deserving. It's his fault too and he's not fixing it either because Soobin and Beomgyu flipped the narrative and Kai doesn't want that to happen to him too. Taehyun is dead, and Huening Kai isn't vengeful like him.

He's shaking, even more than stupid Yeonjun. He needs a drink. Anything, maybe the little bag in his bedroom drawer. He can't be here. He can't pretend he's not afraid. He can't pretend he doesn't know anything. His friends. His hyung. They did all this to get rid of Taehyun, and Kai couldn't help him. Useless legs and a weak mind. Huening Kai is worse than all of them. Worse than Taehyun's obsession. Worse than Soobin and Beomgyu's lies.

Yeonjun stands up when Beomgyu comes out. He's in a wheelchair and looks frail, but his body is perfect, without a single bump or cut. The only things out of place are his bruised hands and his black hair. It used to be red before. Kai gets up too, but he doesn't move. He can't. His body is too heavy, drained of any emotion other than hatred and fear.

Beomgyu cries with Yeonjun. But when he locks eyes with Kai, he just smiles.