Chapter Text
Hyunjin is met with loud laughter when he enters the dorm in the evening. He’s been at his parents’ place for dinner and stayed a little longer than planned. He wanted to spend some time with his mom since it’s New Year’s Eve and he’s never been away from them on special occasions before. His father came by too, but he barely stayed long enough to finish his food, so it was mostly just Hyunjin and his mom, and Kkami of course.
He quickly takes off his shoes and jacket, rubbing his hands together to try to get some warmth back into them. He isn’t used to not being home on days like this, but the rest of the guys decided to celebrate together since not all of them can just go home for the evening. It’s their first New Year’s Eve as a group, so who was Hyunjin to skip out on that? Besides, if he stayed with his mom, he would probably just sleep until midnight and barely wake up for long enough to see the fireworks.
It sounds like the members are playing a game, and his suspicion is confirmed when he hears Seungmin asking Minho truth or dare. At least it isn’t truth or drink, that would make Hyunjin feel pretty left out. He can’t really drink on his medications. He would probably be fine if he only had a little, but he’s been too scared to try because of his seizures, and he hasn’t been old enough either.
Entering the living room, he sees that they are in fact drinking, and he tries not to feel disappointed. In a flash, Changbin is at his side, pulling him toward the rest of the group. Hyunjin doesn’t have a choice but to go along with it even though he wants nothing more than to take a nap before midnight rolls around in a couple of hours. He’s always tired when he’s been with his father, even if it was just for a few minutes.
Changbin sits him down in one of the armchairs and hands him a glass of something he won’t drink because it has alcohol in it. He has never had alcohol, mostly because he’s scared, but not being of age has been a good excuse to avoid it. That doesn’t work anymore though, so he accepts the drink to avoid being questioned about it.
He puts on a smile to show that he appreciates that they all include him even though some of them know that he can’t drink. He hasn’t told everyone that he has epilepsy yet, but most of them know, and they don’t treat him any differently. There are only small differences in how they treat him and those are about keeping him safe or trying to catch the seizures in time to get him somewhere private and safe.
The guys have pushed the armchairs up to the coffee table in front of the couch, so Hyunjin sets his glass on the table before looking up and accidentally making eye contact with Felix. Felix is sitting on the couch right in front of him, how didn’t he notice that when he sat down? Hyunjin looks away right away, his heart skipping a beat as his face heats up.
He feels Felix’s eyes lingering on him but doesn’t dare look up again, scared that the younger will see in his eyes how he feels. As if he can look into Hyunjin’s eyes and see all the love there and just know that it is not of the platonic kind. Hyunjin consequently turns into a blushing fourteen-year-old around Felix. He can’t help it, it’s just the curse of having secret feelings for someone.
If Felix ever found out, it would mess up the whole group, causing awkward tension that he doesn’t think he can look past. And it would hurt unlike anything he’s felt before when he’s rejected. He couldn’t take that either. So he settled for helplessly pining a while ago, figuring that that’s the better option.
“Hyunjin-ah, truth or dare?” Minho says, snapping him out of his thoughts and finally making Felix look away from him. Hyunjin misses it right away, secretly enjoying that he is often the subject of the younger’s attention. He looks at Minho for a moment, trying to get his voice to start working again before he can give a reply.
“Truth.” Hyunjin finally says after a too long silence, a little scared of what Minho might ask. Minho knows about his epilepsy, so does Jisung, Changbin and Chan. But Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin don’t, so he only hopes that Minho remembers that in his tipsy state. Not that he thinks Minho will ask anything directly about his epilepsy, but all it takes is one wrong word to spark suspicion.
“Boring.” Minho says flatly, and Hyunjin wasn’t aware that there was a wrong choice. “Do you have a crush on anyone?” He asks, and Hyunjin fights against the urge to roll his eyes, they’re such teenagers, dear god. Hyunjin’s eyes automatically go to Felix, damn it, he’s so bad at hiding how he feels. He sighs and purses his lips, allowing himself to look at Felix, seeing as how the younger isn’t looking back.
“No, I don’t.” Hyunjin says after too long, and maybe his brain is playing a trick on him, but Felix looks at him in surprise, almost looking disappointed before covering it up with a smile. Hyunjin can’t afford to think about his reaction, so he looks around the room, trying to decide who to target. “Truth or dare, Jisung.” He says, because there is something very specific that he would like to throw in his face.
“Dare.” Jisung says, walking right into Hyunjin’s trap. Actually, he wouldn’t escape it either way, Hyunjin has a trap set up for either option. A few days ago, Hyunjin might have seen something he wasn’t supposed to see, something a little too private between Jisung and Minho, something they definitely did not intend for anyone to see.
“Kiss your boyfriend.” Hyunjin says, and maybe he is very much a teenager too because he finds so much joy in Jisung’s reaction. He goes bright red, glaring at Hyunjin and spluttering for words. The alcohol he’s had probably doesn’t help him have a convincing reaction, but he still tries, and it only results in everyone looking at him in amusement.
“What?” Jisung says too loudly. They haven’t told anyone, but Hyunjin is sure of it, why else would they be kissing in the kitchen? “Lay off my personal life you freak. I don’t have a boyfriend.” Jisung continues, and Hyunjin can’t say anything else, his mind blanking at being called a freak. It wasn’t that long ago that he heard that word on a daily basis, and it hurts, but he can’t let Jisung see that. Thankfully, Jisung is already asking Felix truth or dare, not paying attention to Hyunjin at all.
“Truth.” Felix says, and Jisung glares at Hyunjin as if it’s his fault that Felix chose the ‘boring’ option. Hyunjin doesn’t pay attention to what Jisung asks him, he’s getting lost in thought looking at Felix again, the most beautiful being he’s ever laid eyes on. His cheeks are slightly flushed, accentuating his freckles in the most beautiful way, and his eyes are wide and shiny. The way his lips move when he talks makes Hyunjin want to know what it feels like to kiss them.
Felix is in the middle of answering when there’s a round of fireworks starting up outside and he jumps, looking like a scared kitten as his eyes flicker to the window behind Hyunjin. He excuses his reaction with just being startled, but Hyunjin can see how he struggles to finish what he was saying, much tenser than before.
The members seem to think that he’s had too much to drink, but he hasn’t stumbled over his words at all until this moment, so Hyunjin doesn’t believe that he’s that tipsy or drunk. But Felix doesn’t fight them when they take his drink away, just pouts and opens a can of soda instead. Hyunjin doesn’t have much experience with drunk people, but Felix doesn’t look drunk.
Either way, Hyunjin doesn’t say anything about it, figuring that whatever is going on, Felix would say if he wanted them to know. It isn’t his place to get involved anyway. And he isn’t actually sure that something is up, he doesn’t know Felix that well yet. He could just have had enough to drink.
They go back and forth for a while, just asking the same typical teenager questions and dares. Some of them, mainly Chan, Seungmin and Jeongin are a bit more mature, going for deeper questions or innocent dares. But Hyunjin feels like he’s in high school again, even though he was never a part of these kinds of things in high school. After a while, they can’t be bothered saying ‘truth or dare’ anymore, so they just say the name of the person they’re asking.
He is pretty sure that Felix is actually drunk, he keeps speaking too loudly and stumbling over his words. And he alternates between cuddling into Chan or Seungmin who are seated at his sides, even more cuddly than normal. The flush in his cheeks is so adorable, and Hyunjin is so tempted to touch his cheeks to feel if they are actually warmer to the touch, or just look red.
When Hyunjin hears his name again, he says ‘dare’ without even thinking about it, having done only truths up until this point. When he realizes that it was Jisung who asked, he immediately regrets it, knowing that Jisung has been waiting to get his revenge. He’s been sending daggers at Hyunjin for the past hour, both with his eyes and his words, every time Hyunjin speaks.
“I dare you to kiss the person sitting opposite of you.” Jisung says with a smug smirk. Hyunjin looks straight ahead, directly at Felix, and his heart jumps in his chest. He wants to kiss Felix, he would love to do that, but not like this. He wants to do it because they both want it, not because it’s a dare.
“I don’t want that to be my first kiss.” Hyunjin refuses, and his eyes are playing with him again, making him think that his words offend Felix. He can practically hear Felix asking him why he isn’t enough, but that’s all in his head, just wishful thinking. While Felix is drunk, that doesn’t change reality, he still doesn’t like Hyunjin like that.
“You’ve never had your first kiss?” Jisung asks incredulously, looking like he just got the best material to make fun of him for. Hyunjin messed up, he really messed up. But he can’t take it back now, and he’s no good at lying, so there’s no point in trying to take it back.
“No, and I don’t want it to be a dare.” Hyunjin says, looking back to Felix again to see his reaction. For some reason, it matters to him how Felix reacts, as if Felix has feeling for him too and is actually hurt that Hyunjin doesn’t want to kiss him like this. Hyunjin shakes his head at himself and looks away from Felix, it doesn’t matter how he reacts because he doesn’t have feelings for Hyunjin.
“Okay fine, do a truth then. Would you kiss him?” Jisung says, offering an ultimatum, and Hyunjin’s stupid eyes drift back to Felix, and he can’t say anything because he would say something he regrets no matter what. Jisung is staring at him, making him feel so small and almost threatened into speaking.
“Yes.” Hyunjin says, it just slips out. Jisung meets his eyes, smirking, and Hyunjin might die right here, so embarrassed that he wants to sink into the floor. He looks at Felix again, trying to gauge his reaction, but he only looks concerned, and a little dazed with the effects of alcohol. He seems to be the only one who’s gotten drunk for whatever reason. And he is an adorable drunk, cuddling into Chan’s side and never losing his soft smile.
“Why not date him if you’re so into boyfriends?” Jisung says, fixing him with a smirk that lets him know that he walked right into Jisung’s trap. Hyunjin might cry, or drop, that could happen too. He cannot handle this, it is not good for his health, he’s getting too overwhelmed, and if he drops there’s no way to hide it from Felix any longer.
“Why not shut up if you’re only gonna say shit?” Felix snaps, coming to Hyunjin’s rescue. Hyunjin looks at the younger in shock, he had no idea that Felix had that in him. He doesn’t see Jisung’s reaction, eyes locked the anger on Felix’s face, but Jisung shuts up. Felix looks pleased at himself, meeting Hyunjin’s gaze with a soft smile like nothing happened. The room sits in tense silence for a while, no one knowing how to proceed from here.
“I’m going to take a nap, someone else go.” Hyunjin says, figuring that this is the only way to get out of the situation. He needs to calm down and not be spoken to for a while, and he’s tired anyway. He shifts in the chair until he’s comfortable enough to close his eyes and attempt to fall asleep.
He's so tired that he shouldn’t have any issue falling asleep, he probably needs it before midnight anyway or he might not be able to stay awake for the next hour and a half. He isn’t as used to staying up late as the others, being forced to prioritize sleep because of his condition. As soon as he’s able to breathe properly again, he feels himself drift off.
. . .
Hyunjin is woken up by someone shaking his shoulder, making him sit up and look around with bleary eyes until he sees Chan bent down in front of him. Hyunjin feels so disoriented for a moment, forgetting all about where he is until he sees the other members and remembers that he’s at the dorm. Chan looks slightly concerned at his disorientation but thankfully doesn’t say anything in front of the others.
“It’s almost midnight, we’re going outside.” Chan says, and Hyunjin gets up at that, standing up too fast only to be hit by a dizzy spell. He’s so tired that he probably would’ve slept until morning if he wasn’t woken up, but his neck will thank him for not spending the night in that chair. Hyunjin didn’t mean to sleep this long, but he needed it, and he can’t wait to go straight back to sleep after the fireworks.
“Where’s Felix?” Hyunjin asks when he sees that Felix isn’t with them. He doesn’t know who is here, he just knows that Felix isn’t, but some of the members might already be outside. Chan gestures in the general direction on their bedrooms before holding a finger over his lips to tell Hyunjin to be quiet when they walk past.
“He got too drunk, went to bed early.” Chan says in a low voice, and Hyunjin’s eyes linger on Felix’s door as they pass it. Maybe that’s why Felix acted so off earlier, he gets sleepy when he’s drunk, or maybe he was just drunk. Either way, there’s nothing Hyunjin can do but follow Chan to the front door. They grab their jackets and shoes, followed by scarves, gloves and beanies to keep them warm.
Hyunjin accepts Chan’s explanation, but he can’t stop thinking about it as they join the others on the balcony outside. The fireworks have already started, painting the sky in beautiful, colorful lights. Watching them has always been something he enjoys, but he can’t stop thinking about Felix, wondering why he isn’t here.
There’s no way anyone is able to sleep though this, it’s too loud even from inside. And even Hyunjin who is notoriously hard to wake up would be woken up by this. So maybe Felix chose to stay inside for some reason, maybe he wanted to be alone, and that only concerns Hyunjin further.
Maybe he got sick from drinking so much, or he’s hurting for some reason, and all the members are brushing off his concerning behavior to have fun. If Felix doesn’t feel well for some reason, Hyunjin wants to be there for him even though they aren’t that close yet. But he wants to be that close, he wants it to be natural for him to check up on Felix when he’s acting weird.
For some reason, his heart chose Felix, and he can’t imagine ever not caring about the younger. He watches Felix so naturally, keeping an eye on what he’s doing and how he’s feeling at all times. He’s happy when Felix is happy, sad when Felix is sad, it’s almost a little scary how affected he is by someone he’s only known for a few months. Unsurprisingly, his worry wins after only a few minutes, taking him inside.
Chan comes after him, probably thinking that he’s going to have a seizure, but for once, that isn’t the case. “I’m okay.” Hyunjin quickly reassures him, he doesn’t feel hazy or blurry or disoriented or any other way that should warn him. He’s just worried about Felix and wants to check on his friend. At the very least just to see that Felix is okay before going back outside to the others.
“You’re not…?” Chan trails off, looking around to see that no one is listening to them. It wouldn’t be that bad if Jeongin or Seungmin found out, it’s telling Felix that scares Hyunjin. If Felix is an asshole about it, it might make it easier to get over his crush, but it wouldn’t hurt any less.
“I’m just going to the bathroom.” Hyunjin says, for some reason feeling the need to lie. Chan smiles at him and goes back outside, accepting the excuse. He knows that Hyunjin wouldn’t lie if he’s going to have a seizure, he’s way too scared of being alone when that happens. So even if Chan clocked his lie, he trusts that Hyunjin is okay.
Going down the hallway to Felix’s room, Hyunjin enters without a second though, met with a pitch-black room and a lump under the covers in Felix’s bunk. He’s amazed that Felix is actually sleeping, somehow not being woken up by the loud bangs and pops just outside the window. But then a small sound catches his attention, coming from what he assumed was Felix’s sleeping form.
Listening for a moment, he hears a hitching breath and sniffling, it sounds like Felix is crying. Hyunjin sharpens his ears, listening even closer and deciding that yes, that has to be the sound. Hyunjin doesn’t know what to do, just looking at Felix for a moment while trying to think of the right thing to do.
“Felix?” Hyunjin tries whispering his name, but there’s no response. Moving closer, his eyes are starting to adjust to the dark, so he can see that Felix is shaking. His instincts are telling him to wrap himself around Felix to protect him from all harm, just wanting to help him feel better, but he doesn’t know if Felix would want that. He might just be crying because he’s drunk, Hyunjin has no idea how a drunk person acts.
“Felix?” He tries again, bending down to put a hand on Felix’s shoulder and still not earning a reaction. The concern in his chest grows, wondering how Felix went from being loud and bubbly with the group to this while Hyunjin was asleep. Maybe something happened, the wrong question or dare being thrown at him in the game. He is sensitive, and he isn’t the best at Korean yet, so misunderstandings happen sometimes.
“Get out.” Felix says, so quietly that Hyunjin almost doesn’t hear him. But when Felix speaks, Hyunjin’s ears catch every word like it was spoken clearly. If Felix wants him to leave, he won’t force Felix to hug him or talk about it, but it feels weird to leave him alone when he’s sad. Maybe it’s selfish, but he wants to stay.
“But you’re upset.” Hyunjin says for lack of a better thing to say. He can’t let himself feel how sad Felix’s tears are making him, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling protective of the younger. They usually avoid getting too close to each other, and Hyunjin tries to avoid doing anything he wouldn’t do for the other members, but right now, none of that matters.
“Leave me alone.” Felix says louder, the tears in his voice clear. Hyunjin doesn’t want to do that, but he doesn’t know what else to do, so he goes to sit on Chan’s bed on the other side of the room, staying, but giving Felix the space he wants. He can see the fireworks out of the window from here, but he can’t focus to it, so he pulls out his phone to distract himself instead. That’s when he realizes that Felix is probably homesick.
“Felix?” He whispers into the room again, unable to shut up even if that is what Felix wants. “Do you miss your family? Is that why you’re so sad?” He asks, still whispering like it’ll hurt less for Felix to hear it. He doesn’t get much of a reply, but Felix cries harder, sobbing breathily and shaking under the covers.
“Can I give you a hug, Lixie?” Hyunjin asks then, feeling such a strong need to comfort him. He knows that Felix is a cuddly person, so he finds it hard to believe that Felix really wants to be alone. Felix moves this time, rolling over and starting to sit up, so Hyunjin jumps off the bed to come to him, pulling him into a hug and letting Felix bury his face in his shoulder.
He must’ve been holding back earlier, because he starts sobbing so heartbreakingly that Hyunjin has to focus on taking deep breaths not to start crying too. He doesn’t care that Felix is getting tears and snot on his hoodie, he just wants to comfort Felix, holding him close and hoping he feels a little less alone even though he’s so far away from his family.
Neither of them says anything for a while, just staying in silence until both the fireworks and Felix calm down. Hyunjin doesn’t know what to say, he wishes that he did, but he fears that he might say too much if he tries, clueing Felix in on his feelings. Nothing would be more awkward than the truth coming to light in a moment like this.
When Felix is calm enough, he pulls back a little, apologizing for getting Hyunjin’s hoodie dirty. Hyunjin just shrugs, wringing it off and using it to wipe at Felix’s face, it’ll need to be washed anyway. Hyunjin suddenly realizes that they’re still sitting in complete darkness, so he reaches out to turn on the lamp beside the bed, apologizing when Felix flinches and covers his eyes.
When Hyunjin sits back up, he realizes how close their faces are and his breath hitches in his throat. Felix is looking at him with those same wide eyes as the first time Hyunjin saw him a few months ago, curious and a little scared. His soft brown hair falls into his eyes, and Hyunjin almost reaches up to push it out of his face, but he manages to restrain himself.
Against his will, Hyunjin’s eyes flicker down to Felix’s full lips, wondering again what it would feel like to kiss them. It makes his heart jump in his chest, and he can almost hear it in the dead silence of the room. The way it skips a beat and pumps harder in his chest, trying to understand how to live with such strong feelings for someone he doesn’t even know that well yet.
He is reminded of the way Felix looked when Hyunjin didn’t want to kiss him earlier and wonders for the first time if Felix actually wanted it. He looked disappointed, there’s no other way to explain the look on his face. Why would he look disappointed if he didn’t want it? If he was already drunk, who is to say that it wasn’t his genuine reaction? Felix is bad at hiding things at the best of times, alcohol can’t be doing him any favors.
Just like Hyunjin, Felix isn’t moving back now either, he can’t seem to tear himself away. But he looks nervous, and Hyunjin is so confused by the signs he’s receiving. Is Felix just nervous in general, or is he as close to kissing Hyunjin as Hyunjin is to kiss him? And is that actually what he wants, or is he just drunk and lonely? Will he even remember this is the morning?
“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asks, snapping out of his thoughts and leaning back a little before he can do something stupid. Felix seems a little dazed too, only confusing Hyunjin further. He has no clue what to think, because Felix seems like he might be having similar feelings as Hyunjin, but there’s just no way. And he isn’t acting on it, but neither is Hyunjin.
“Yeah, I’m okay, I’m sorry.” Felix says, apologizing again for something that doesn’t warrant an apology. He’s sniffles and wipes at his eyes, sounding congested from all the crying, and Hyunjin’s heart breaks for him. He hasn’t seen Felix this sad before. He sheds a tear here and there, adorably soft-hearted, but this was more than that.
“What are you apologizing for exactly?” Hyunjin asks, wondering why Felix feels the need to apologize when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Felix shrugs, still looking very sad when they make eye contact. Hyunjin blushes at the eye contact because what the hell just happened between them? Did they just have a moment? There’s no way.
“I don’t know, I’m still a little drunk, so I’m just sorry.” Felix says, and Hyunjin can barely resist the urge to pull him into another hug, but that might be weird. For some reason he feels like he has to have a good reason to touch Felix, like too much contact will give him away as if Felix couldn’t see it in his eyes if he looked closely enough.
“I don’t mind. I hope whatever is bothering you, you feel a little better now.” Hyunjin says, knowing how helpful a good cry can be. Not always though, sometimes it leaves him empty and spaced out or triggers a seizure, but when it helps, it feels really good. Felix just looks at him for a while, looking like he’s having a way too hard time thinking about his answer. Hyunjin almost laughs at him but remembers that he might cry again.
“Yeah, thanks.” Felix eventually says with a nod, and an awkward silence settles over them. Hyunjin is split between looking away and keeping an eye on Felix in case he isn’t really okay. And Felix is looking all around the room, anywhere but at Hyunjin and clearly uncomfortable.
“Do you have any new year’s resolutions?” Hyunjin asks to fill the silence, only to immediately wonder what on earth possessed him and thought that was a good idea. Felix looks surprised, and like he’s considering saying something, so Hyunjin just waits for him to figure it out again.
“I want to get over my stupid, one-sided crush.” Felix says, loose lipped by the alcohol in his system. It’s a knife to the heart because Felix wouldn’t say that if Hyunjin was his crush. You don’t talk to your crush about your crush, that makes it practically impossible to keep it a secret. If Hyunjin were to say that he has a crush in front of Felix, he would act so weird that Felix would figure it out in seconds.
“How do you know she doesn’t like you back?” Hyunjin asks because he doesn’t even know if Felix is gay. He probably isn’t. The chances of four out of eight people being gay is just laughable. It’s more than enough that three of them are. Felix looks kind of weirdly at him though, like he’s confused at what Hyunjin said and has to work hard to think again.
“It would be kind of hard to miss it.” Felix says after a moment, and he’s looking at Hyunjin with pain again, almost hurt. It makes Hyunjin wonder if maybe… but it can’t be, there’s no way. But then why is he looking at Hyunjin like he is the one who hurt Felix while they’re talking about Felix’s crush that he believes to be one-sided? Hyunjin is for sure reading into this, causing himself false hope.
“You might be wrong.” Hyunjin says, he can’t help but try to make Felix say something that could give away who it is. Felix snorts a humorless laugh, shaking his head as if Hyunjin just said the stupidest thing.
“Believe me, I spend enough time with him that I would know.” Felix says, not even realizing that he let the ‘him’ slip. So it’s a guy then, and probably one of the members because they don’t spend much time with anyone else. It only makes Hyunjin more desperate to know who it is. Hyunjin thinks that it’s pretty obvious that he is gay, Felix should’ve realized that by now, so why would he be this hesitant if he was crushing on Hyunjin?
“Is that why you are sad?” Hyunjin asks, ignoring his own hurt because he’s sure that Felix is talking about one of the other members. Maybe Felix is sad because it’s Jisung or Minho, and Hyunjin’s earlier comment made it sound like they aren’t available. That thought is heartbreaking, but also a little comforting.
If it is one of them, they’re already taken, so Hyunjin won’t have to see them together, and maybe Hyunjin won’t be the only one who is heartbroken. He feels horrible for wanting whoever it is to break Felix’s heart, but that is how he feels. Of course he wants Felix to be happy, but he couldn’t stand having to see Felix with someone else every day.
“I’m scared of fireworks.” Felix mumbles, and as soon as Hyunjin hears that, he hates himself for not realizing sooner. The way Felix flinched at the fireworks earlier in the night, and snuck away with an excuse before midnight, and how he was shaking and crying until the fireworks stopped, almost quieting down with the fireworks. It was so obvious, but Hyunjin didn’t see it.
“Oh, Felix! You could’ve told us; we would’ve helped you.” Hyunjin says, feeling horrible that he went through that alone. How long was he terrified before Hyunjin came looking for him? Has he been scared of this for days and not felt like he could tell anyone? Is that why he got drunk? They might not have known each other for that long, but they’re a team now, in no universe would Hyunjin or any of the other members let him be alone if they knew.
“You can’t help, nothing ever makes a difference. I just have to endure it.” Felix says, clearly trying to be nonchalant about it, but Hyunjin saw how scared he was, he won’t let it go that easily. They have somehow merged too close again while talking, their faces mere inches from each other and making Hyunjin’s heart stutter in his chest.
“I’m sure we could find something. There has to be something you haven’t tried yet.” Hyunjin says, barely above a whisper and fighting so hard not to close the space between them. Before Hyunjin can do anything that he’ll regret, someone opens the door, Jisung of all people sticking his head in and interrupting a moment that could’ve gotten very awkward.
“Cake.” Is all Jisung says, like he can’t be bothered with giving them the time of day. Jisung awakens something in Hyunjin that he didn’t think he’d ever feel, an urge to fight back when he feels attacked. And unlike in his past, he does fight back with Jisung, he is strong enough to stand up for himself now.
“Good for you.” Hyunjin says, because as much as he loves Jisung when they get along, he has pushed all the wrong buttons all night, and Hyunjin is hurt. Hyunjin might have unintentionally started it, but the things Jisung has been saying, little stabs here and there every time Hyunjin spoke is making him feel so small. And Hyunjin doesn’t want to just take it like he did in school, so he snaps right back.
“You’re right, you probably shouldn’t have any.” Jisung says while looking Hyunjin up and down, and Hyunjin wants to cry. That was so mean, and it hurts even if Jisung is joking, and Hyunjin doesn’t need this today. He holds his breath to stop himself from crying and looks down at his hands, unable to think of anything to say back. He would never make fun of anyone’s weight, that is such a sensitive subject for so many people.
“What is wrong with you?” Felix asks, sounding so done with Jisung’s shit. He snapped at Jisung earlier too, he does that sometimes when Jisung goes too far, but he seems to have reached a breaking point now, looking furious when Hyunjin looks at him.
“It’s just a joke.” Jisung says, throwing his hands up and looking at them like he’s surprised at Felix’s outburst. But the thing is, it doesn’t feel like a joke to Hyunjin. Maybe it would be funny if he didn’t have such a long and complicated history of bullying and being betrayed by close friends. No one knows about that, but it shouldn’t take a genius to see that Hyunjin is hurt by the things Jisung says sometimes.
“That is not funny. Hyun-ie is perfect the way he is, and he can eat all the cake he wants to.” Felix says, and it’s so sweet that Hyunjin might cry for a different reason. The nickname and the words he chose just sound so adorable despite his angry tone. Hyunjin never wants Felix to stop calling him Hyun-ie.
“I knew you were colorful, but I didn’t expect you to have such a protective boyfriend, Hyunjin-ah.” Jisung says, laughing at himself even though he looks uncomfortable now too. Hyunjin curls tighter around himself, hunching his shoulders and biting the inside of his lip. He is taking it way too far tonight, probably thanks to the alcohol he’s had, but that is no excuse for being hurtful.
“Homophobia doesn’t suit you.” Felix bites out, and once again, Hyunjin’s heart does a spin in his chest at his protectiveness. Felix doesn’t deny it, doesn’t even give Jisung’s comment about them being boyfriends any attention, and if Hyunjin wasn’t so upset, he would be reading into that. Hyunjin isn’t looking at either of them. Focused enough on keeping himself calm so this doesn’t trigger a seizure.
“Me? Homophobic?” Jisung asks, sounding surprised and even having the guts to sound hurt. Felix scoffs beside Hyunjin, and now this has become a Jisung and Felix fight, and they’re fighting over Hyunjin. It feels so strange that Hyunjin almost can’t believe what is happening.
“You can be homophobic even though you have a boyfriend. We all know it; you can stop pretending. Maybe you shouldn’t kiss in the shared spaces if you don’t want to be found out.” Felix says, only stumbling a little over his words when he speaks. He usually doesn’t say much, insecure about his Korean, but right now it seems that he couldn’t care less if he stumbles a little.
“Can’t you see that you’re making him uncomfortable? He’s snapping back because he’s hurt, not because he’s playing along. It is not funny.” Felix says, and this time, Hyunjin looks up from his lap, looking between Felix and Jisung and just waiting for what Jisung will snap back with. He knew that Felix has been watching him, it seems that the younger is always looking at him when Hyunjin looks at him.
Felix has been paying closer attention than he expected, seeing how uncomfortable and hurt he is by Jisung sometimes. Hyunjin isn’t always able to stand up for himself, his mind blanking the moment he is genuinely hurt. And Felix has seen that, and he’s standing up for him, and it is so sweet. Jisung seems to falter, maybe finally realizing how much he’s hurt Hyunjin.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” Jisung says, looking so uncomfortable where he stands. “I genuinely thought that we were joking, I apologize. I never meant to hurt you, Hyunjin.” He continues, and Hyunjin is honestly shocked. He did not expect this to be the outcome of tonight. He knows that Jisung never intended to hurt him, but he still did, and he seems to only have realized that now.
“It’s okay.” Hyunjin automatically says, for some reason feeling strangled by Jisung’s discomfort and needing it to stop. He loves Jisung, he’s his brother, and siblings don’t always get along, but that doesn’t excuse them from admitting it when they’ve done something wrong. However, it does make it easier to forgive. That, and the fact that he can clearly see how sorry Jisung is.
“No, that was not cool of me to do. I completely misread the situation, and I am so sorry. I truly never wanted to hurt you. There’s no excuse.” Jisung says, not letting Hyunjin brush it aside so easily. Hyunjin has never seen him apologize for anything, so he must really understand how wrong he was.
“Thank you. I don’t mind some bickering, but you do take it too far sometimes.” Hyunjin admits, relieved to finally talk about this. Hopefully, Jisung won’t take it as far from now on, and they can keep to the friendly bickering and light teasing instead. Because he really loves having that with Jisung, but there are limits to what he can take.
“I’m sorry, again. I won’t take it that far anymore.” Jisung says again, just repeating himself at this point. Hyunjin stands up and holds out a hand for Felix only to retract it when Felix looks questioningly at him. That was probably weird, or was it? Hyunjin feels like every touch with Felix is too intimate, so he would probably not handle holding hands very well.
“Good. Now, what did you say about cake?” Hyunjin says, turning to Jisung so Felix won’t see his blush. Jisung smiles, waiting for them to join him in the door before leaning in to whisper something.
“My boyfriend made it. And he will kill me for telling you that.” He says, and Hyunjin throws himself at him to pull him into a hug, so proud that he’s finally comfortable with admitting it. Both Hyunjin and Felix already knew, but still. They all go to the living room where the guys are impatiently waiting for them so they can start eating the cake. Either they didn’t hear anything, or they decide not to get involved, but no one mentions anything.
Neither Hyunjin nor Felix say anything about what just happened either. There is no reason to mention the thing with Jisung, they worked it out and everything is okay between them. And Hyunjin won’t say anything about Felix being upset if Felix doesn’t say something first. Not to mention that Felix keeps avoiding his gaze, so Hyunjin just figures that he wants to forget about it.