Chapter Text
Percy stormed into the apartment, slamming the door and throwing his keys into the bowl on the counter as he went, throwing himself onto the couch beside Leo, who was curled on the edge of a cushion, doing their nails.
“Jason can’t possibly be good at everything. It’s ridiculous!” Percy moaned, grinding his palms into his eyes until he saw stars, wracking his brain as Leo hummed thoughtfully in response. Over the last week, Percy had been competing with Jason over…well, everything. Annabeth thought it was stupid but Nico, the fucking instigator that he was, had suggested Jason was better at sports than Percy which had started it all. Unfortunately, Jason was infuriatingly good at almost everything, and Percy only had a select few things he was really good at which meant the competition wasn’t at all in his favor, especially since Nico was choosing each competition. And also because Percy sucked at a lot of things. It wasn’t like that was news to Percy but it was still more than a little infuriating. Watching Leo purse their lips sent a bolt of inspiration through him. ”Maybe he’s a bad kisser?”
Maybe he could ask Annabeth-?
Leo shook their head, head cocked and brow scrunched as they painted their nails with deft steady strokes that Percy vaguely envied. ”Nah, he’s good at that too.” They said, scowling and holding the nail polish brush between their teeth and dabbing at the edge of one of their painted nails with their free hand.
It took a moment for the words to sink in. Percy’s eyes widened and he stared. ”What?”
Leo didn’t glance up, still trying to fix their nail.
”What?” They parroted back, word garbled through the nail polish brush.
“How would you know that?” Percy asked blankly, brow furrowed. ”I thought-I mean, er, isn’t Jason, like-”
Leo took the nail polish brush from their mouth and glanced up, eyebrow cocked as they redipped the brush in magenta polish.
”Straight?” Their mouth slipped into a lopsided grin even as they returned their gaze to their nails. ”Madre de dios, Percy, I swear you’re literally the only person who thinks that.”
Percy blinked. Leo started humming vaguely that Michael Jackson song ( Smooth Criminal? ) as Percy turned the new information over in his brain. So that meant Jason… wasn’t straight?
It wasn’t like Percy was homophobic or anything like that (His mother had raised him far better than that) but Jason had dated Piper and Percy had just kind of assumed he and Jason were the only straight guys in the crew that Percy had slowly become friends with since moving to Half-Blood. Leo had came out as queer through a very blatant gay joke, Frank clearly had a crush on Leo, Grover was “proudly pansexual and single”, Nico was obliviously dancing around that Solace kid and Percy had kind of just assumed he and Jason were the only ones left. But apparently not. Because Jason wasn’t straight? And he’d kissed Leo? Sure, Leo was hot but Percy couldn’t even picture it through his confusion.
Finally, realizing he’d been silent for way too long, Percy cleared his throat awkwardly. ”Are you and Jason, like, dating or-?”
“No.” Leo blew on their nails, squinting as they surveyed them from different angles, clearly admiring their own work. ”And he doesn’t have a crush on me, I don’t have a crush on him, it was just, like, an experiment thing, Jackson. Is your heterosexuality really so unstable that your bro not being straight is throwing you off?”
Percy’s mouth dropped open. ”What? No! I just-I didn’t know Jason was, like, not straight or whatever.” His voice was squeaking, shit. What was that about? Percy scowled at himself, clearing his throat again, scrambling for a reply. ”I just thought we were like, y’know-”
“Rivals?” Leo drawled, rolling their eyes. ”Everyone knows about you and Grace’s constant one-upping bullshit. So? You both have different hair colors too, does that bother you?”
Percy’s stomach twisted uncomfortably at the insinuation. He wasn’t homophobic. He knew that some of the others had worried about whether he was or not. Mostly because he’d been new but Frank had admitted, a bit hesitantly, that Percy was kind of hard to read sometimes. Which, okay, maybe Percy didn’t share a lot but it wasn’t like there was much about his life that anyone would be interested in anyway. His life had kind of been shit before he’d moved to Half-Blood and he didn’t even really want to think about it, much less explain it to his new friends who actually seemed to like him. His baggage, as his mom had put it once, was his own business and he didn’t want to go around whining about it and look pathetic. So maybe he seemed kinda mysterious sometimes but that didn’t mean he was homophobic. He was just…surprised. That was it. Wasn’t it?
“I’m not-It’s not that.” Percy muttered after a minute, tearing his hand through his hair, looking away. But what was it, then? He wasn’t even sure. It was just-Jason was like, a jock and almost Percy’s exact opposite in certain ways while being really similar at the same time and he was kind of a control freak and okay, sometimes he made Percy kind of uncomfortable because he was so much bigger and muscular and perfect and loud and it made Percy want to kick him or something. But he didn’t hate gay people, he wasn’t uncomfortable around Leo or Frank or Piper or any of them, it was just-Percy was the only straight guy on the team apparently, okay. So what though? What difference did that really make?
“Oy, mira, Jackson.” Leo clucked their tongue, making Percy’s gaze snap to their face. Their expression wasn’t irritated, just uncomfortably thoughtful as it roved over Percy’s face. ”You feeling overwhelmed by us queers or somethin’?”
Percy grimaced.
”No!” It came out almost snappish, making Leo’s eyes look faded, body stiffening and Percy immediately hated himself. “No, fuck-It’s not, I swear it’s not that, Leo, I just-I thought Jason and I were like, the same, kind of and he’s all jock-y and it’s-I just never thought he could be anything but straight and it’s. Not weird but like, I didn’t realize that-This is all coming out wrong, isn’t it? Fuck.”
Leo stared at Percy a moment and then rolled their eyes again, grinning faintly as they reached out and ruffled Percy’s hair, gently, something Percy was still getting used to. Not all but most of his friends were alarmingly touchy and though they mostly asked beforehand, it was a jolting change from Before . Maybe that was it-He felt jolted, jostled, misplaced realizing Jason wasn’t straight. Realizing that it was that simple here-Jason just wasn’t straight, no explanations needed, no complications. If it was that easy for Jason, it could be like that for anyone, fuck, Percy could-
Percy inhaled sharply and his gaze blurred as his mind snapped into focus. Oh.
Oh.
Leo’s face broke into something sharp, almost resembling a grin. ”Wait, are you-”
“Fuck.” Percy ran a hand through his hair and then gripped it, trying to make his brain cooperate. It felt like it’d stalled, his thoughts slowing to a halt when the thought hit him. He wasn’t homophobic, fuck, he wasn’t homophobic, but why was his heart racing? Percy felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his whole body had just decided to stop working. “Fuck.”
Leo’s voice sounded alarmingly far away. ”Are you having a panic attack? Mierda, Percy-”
Percy didn’t see Leo’s hand coming for his shoulder but he sure as shit flinched away when he felt it. That, miraculously, cleared Percy's head somewhat and he jerked to look, wide eyed, at Leo, who was looking at Percy with an expression he didn’t know how to explain, flat and yet clearly distressed. “I-No, no, I’m-fine.” Percy said, stiltedly, even though his voice still sounded echo-y in his ears and he could still feel panic creeping up his throat. “I-No, I’m-sorry, I didn’t see your hand, fuck, I-”
“Percy, stop.” Leo ordered and Percy’s mouth snapped shut. His heart was still thundering in his chest and Percy felt helpless, staring back at Leo, unable to force himself to get up. Leo’s brow scrunched and they exhaled, muttering several colorful curses in Spanish, only a few of which Percy recognized. ”Madre de dios. You couldn’t have picked someone better to gay-crisis with, Jackson? Like, literally anyone else? I’m bad at feelings-”
“I’m not gay crisis-ing!” Percy said instinctively and then grimaced when Leo cocked an eyebrow. Percy exhaled shakily, looking away, heart still thundering in his throat. He clenched and unclenched his fists, ”Okay, maybe like-a little but not like-I don’t judge any of you guys, or anything like that, I just-”
He ran his hands through his hair and tugged again, lowering his head to stare at the floor. He’d never considered he could be anything but straight and the idea he could not be was sending panic spiraling through his brain. He knew being… not- straight wasn’t a bad thing, he knew that. But his throat felt tight and he struggled to keep his breathing steady, wracking his brain, trying to figure out how to explain the emotions smudged through his brain.
Leo made an unintelligible noise in their throat and then made a move as if to run a hand through their hair and then waved their fingers instead, eyeing Percy awkwardly. “Jackson? Do you want me to like, get someone else or…something? Because I have no fucking clue how to like, help you through this or whatever.”
“ No.” Percy exhaled through his fingers, alarmed to feel his eyes growing damp. Shit. What the fuck. He was fine, this was nothing, he’d just gotten a little thrown off. Fuck, why did he feel so panicked? ”No, I just-It’s fine, can we just, not- talk about it? Please?”
Leo made another indescribable noise in the back of their throat, gnawing at the end of their tongue. ”Okayyy, but um, you know your mom is, like, practically a mom to half of us, right, Percy? She’d never-”
“I’m not worried about my mom!” Percy jackknifed back into a sitting position, forgetting about his damp eyes to glare at Leo. It hadn’t even occurred to Percy to worry about his mom and the thought that Leo thought Percy was sent anger swirling in his chest faster than he knew exactly what about it pissed him off. ”She’s not- she’d never-Jesus, Valdez.”
Leo held up their hands, lips quirking. ”Alright, alright, no need to go all white knight on me, Jackson.” They muttered, making a face. ”I get it, your mom is the best, you trust her with your life, blah ect, that was literally what I was trying to say. Breathe.”
Percy shoved himself back against the couch as the implied insult faded. He got what Leo was trying to say. He shouldn’t be panicking. He knew he shouldn’t. His mom was incredible. Most of his friends were gay. Why was he panicking at the idea that he could be too? When Percy and his mom had come to Half Blood, Percy had packed up all the bullshit from Before and he’d shoved it into the back of his mind and pretty much tried to pretend it didn’t exist, including all the bigoted bullshit he’d been surrounded by. His mom was brilliant, they had a dope apartment now and everything was fine. Except it clearly wasn’t because Percy’s heart was still trying to jump out of his throat at the idea he might not be straight and the answer why hovered in front of him like it was mocking him, even as he tried to avoid it. (Jesus, he could hear Gabe’s voice.)
Percy let his head fall back against the couch and squeezed his eyes shut, shoving his palms against them like he had earlier but for an entirely different reason now. Maybe he was straight. Maybe he was just panicking for no fucking reason. He was into girls! Definitely. He’d dated Annabeth. Admittedly, that had only been for two weeks before she’d broken up with him to date Piper, which was understandable because Piper was definitely cooler than Percy and not a mess, like him. Percy hadn’t dated anyone before Annabeth but that was understandable too! That’d been Before, when he’d had jobs after school, when he’d gone to bullshit schools with jackass kids and jackass teachers and came home to a jackass step-dad. But he liked girls, he’d dated Annabeth.
And before Annabeth-Wait. What girls had he liked before Annabeth?
Peter frowned.
…He had liked girls before Annabeth, hadn’t he? He wracked his brain, trying to think past his panic and remember. Maybe he…hadn’t had any crushes on girls before Annabeth? But he liked girls. He was a feminist! Seconds ticked by as Percy tried to think of some girl that’d caught his eye before Annabeth and his stomach dropped further. He couldn’t think of any. At all. Okay. That was okay too, probably. Annabeth was his first crush. At sixteen. Or-
Not. Percy’s gut twisted. He couldn’t remember any girls he’d had crushes on before Annabeth but he did remember something else. He’d met a high schooler a couple years back at one of his “special needs” schools; the guy had called himself Apollo(the teachers loved reminding him his “real name” was Lester to make sure everyone was aware they were all losers here.) and he’d been really, really good looking. Like, he’d drawn Percy’s gaze whenever he came in the room and Percy’s stomach attempted to do backflips whenever they talked or made eye contact.
Shit . Percy had liked Annabeth. He’d been kinda nervous and lowkey intimidated because Annabeth could be kind of sharp and she was definitely way smarter than him and it’d been really nice dating her.
But Percy had felt those same nerves, same intimidation around Apollo and Apollo hadn’t even been a genius like Annabeth. Apollo had liked frankly horrible haikus and playing a half-tuned guitar and flirting with anyone who seemed remotely interested. Had Percy had a crush on Apollo? Fuck. Shit. Had he? He’d had a crush on Apollo.
What was that? Bi? But Percy didn’t like guys in general. Did he? He’d just liked Apollo. Except wait, shit, he hadn’t liked girls either before Annabeth? Or, at least, he hadn’t wanted to date any of them or anything like that. Was that even a thing?
Percy groaned and stared at the ceiling for a moment, hating his life and then turned to look at Leo, who was blowing on their nails again. Out of all the kids in Half Blood, Percy was fairly sure Leo would understand the hellscape that was his brain best right now but he also definitely wasn’t ready to voice any of it yet. That would mean talking about Before and Percy literally wanted to do that never.
Leo had been pretty blatant about some of their experiences, in and out of foster houses, dropping the word “abuse” in a sharp sort of flat way that always made Percy’s stomach drop and twist in surprise and discomfort. But Percy had never really talked about Gabe, not even with his mom and abuse definitely wasn’t a word Percy would use even if a lot of his experiences from Before matched up disturbingly well with some of Leo’s.
Percy and his mom had moved, cut all contacts from New York and not talking was working just fine for Percy so far. He kept his mouth shut about the scattered nightmares, the flinching he had to hide sometimes, the way he had to force grins when his friends touched him unexpectedly, how he learned to breathe and smile through the moments he felt like he was stuck between Before and now-Maybe that stuff hadn’t gone away but that was better than talking about it and dredging all that shit up, wasn’t it? And maybe he felt kind of like that now, stuck, a vise twisting his guts, Gabe’s voice in the back of his brain talking about gays and perverts and yelling-why was he always yelling-
“Done?” Leo asked, little to no inflection, without looking up from their nails, tearing Percy away from the ruins of his brain.
Percy opened his mouth, closed it, and then sighed. Was he done “gay crisis-ing” for the day?
”Yeah. Um. Yeah. Thanks.”
Leo’s eyes flicked up. They didn’t look accusing or angry, just that same thoughtfulness that made Percy more than a little uncomfortable, like they could see past all the walls he put up and just peer at his emotions. ”Okay.” They replied and that was the end of it.