Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

From the day that Collei found herself in Mondstat, nothing had been like it was before, and she was honestly still trying to figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Her body was used to survival, she could handle the wilderness, the abuse of adults around her, hiding and lying in wait to steal food or shelter.
She did what she had to do for survival, no matter the cost to herself or those around her. She had even killed those who stood in her way, or when the voices in her mind screamed for blood and she couldn't hold them back anymore.

Yet, in that strange country, it was nothing like that at all, Amber found her and took her into her home, her life. The older girl treated her like a little sister, giving her clothes, letting her play games at the festival, finding her when she ran away.

Even when she found out the truth about the carriage and the black serpent, even as Kayea was trying to push it out of her and forcing her to expose her darkness, Amber saved her life.

She cared about Collei.

It had been such a long time since anyone had cared about her wellbeing.

All good things had to come to an end, and this seemed to be that turning point. The power was sealed inside of her, yes, but she had to return to Sumeru with the man who called himself Cyno.

The trip was long, and strange, to say the least. Now that her body wasn’t completely covered with elezar, she could almost blend into normal society. Instead of sleeping under trees and inside caves, they were allowed into inns or strangers' homes. Cyno paid for everything, and didn’t expect anything from her. It had to be too good to be true and yet the other shoe had yet to drop.

In Liyue harbor as they waited for a boat that would take them to Port Ormos and thus Sumeru, the man even caught her glancing at a green stuffed cat. It had barely caught her attention, and even though they didn’t speak a lot, he seemed to know what she was thinking. Without a word he had bought it for her, and now as they walked up the hillside to where his “doctor” partner lived she clutched it tightly.

Anxiety gripped her, and she knew that now was the time for the other shoe to drop. He had sealed away her power, but surely they would want to study her further. More tests, more experiments, and she was back to square one.

All she had to do was wait for a chance to escape, and then make a break for it, back into the forests she had once called home. She could survive this, just like everything else in her life.

Collei steeled her resolve, and began to glance around her. People were walking round with various items, hunting gear, satchels full of herbs, notebooks. They smiled at them and waved, calling Cyno by name and greeting him, making small talk. Cyno gently urged her on as a small crowd began to form around them, asking him about his travels.

“You will all know soon enough, but I really need to get back to Tighnari now.” His voice was cold, authoritative, but instead of looking scared the people merely laughed and dispersed back into the village.

The forest here was so….Green. It was full of life, its vibrance seemed to be all around her. Nothing like the desert that had been her prison for so long.

A small purple rose being carried by a woman with a rounded belly caught her eye as they walked past, if she strained she could almost touch it, the purple color was just so vibrant and-

“Oh? Do you like flowers?” The woman was looking at her now, the basket of flowers on her hip and Collei realized her fingers had almost touched the petals. She slammed her hand back down to her side, looking away.

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to touch it. I know I'm filthy.” Instead of admonishing her, or hitting her, the woman just laughed.

“Not so much filthy as just weary from long travels, hmm? A quick bath will fix that! I know that's the first thing I do when I come back from traveling to the city for the market.” The woman continued to smile, and when Collei didn’t respond she plucked a rose out of her bunch and offered it to her.

“Here, after you meet with Master Tighnari and get cleaned up, put this in your hair. It’ll look lovely since it matches your eyes.” The woman didn’t wait for a response, and instead placed the rose in her hand.

Even though their skin touched the woman didn’t recoil in disgust at touching an unclean person. No, she just calmly turned around and went on her way.

What was wrong with these people?

Didn’t they fear her illness like everyone else did?

Was no one she met recently afraid of getting sick?

It made no sense to her, and yet the rose remained in her hand. Collei took a cautious sniff, and found that its sweet scent lingered even when Cyno redirected her to keep walking until they found themselves in front of a green door in one of the larger huts.

Shit, she had lost her chance to scope the area out for an escape! She had let a stupid rose distract her and now it was too late to look for anything before meeting this new doctor.

Whatever, let him do his worst. She would endure it and find another chance for escape. Not even the Fatui could keep her contained, and this man, whoever he was, would be no different.

Cyno knocked on the door and then let himself in, calling out the mans name. A figure in green robes entered from what seemed to be a kitchen area, his fox ears perked up at the sight of them. This was unlike any medical professional she had ever met, and unlike any hospital she had been in before. For starters, it smelled like a house, not a facility.

There wasn’t that odd sterile smell to the air, instead the area smelled of smoke, and the same purple rose that she had in her hand was placed around the room, filling the small area with its scent.

The man himself was a joke of a doctor. No white lab coat, no shining instruments, and he even smiled at her, his head cocked to the side with interest.

“You must be Collei. Cyno has told me a lot about you in his letters, I am glad to see you both have made it back safe and sound.” The word both was softer and more affectionate as the green doctor looked at Cyno. Cyno went over to him, gave the man a light kiss, and left her standing in the doorway as the two discussed their travels and Cyno was interrogated about any possible issues they may have met on the road.

This was her chance to escape, their mistake was leaving the door unlocked. Collei turned to go to the doorway, but was stopped by a voice.

“Oh, are you admiring the Sumeru roses? They’re one of my favorite flowers.” The doctor, Tighnari, spoke. Collei realized that in turning her body was pointed towards the closest pot of purple roses.

“No, I don’t care about that kind of thing.” Collei huffed, turning back around and entering the room.

Damn it, another escape attempt wasted.

The man seemed content to ignore her rudeness, instead herding her to the kitchen. There she sat down on a small stool in front of a table, Tighnari sitting across from her. Cyno leaned on the doorway, watching her like a hawk watching a mouse. He wasn’t an idiot, and probably had guessed about her wanting to escape and was now blocking the way out.

Seemed like this had just gotten a lot harder.

“Now then, Cyno tells me he has sealed away the reside of the archons power, but you still have a chronic condition, called elezar. What do you know about this disease?”

Collei huffed, staring down at her knees. Wasn’t he the one that was supposed to know this kind of stuff? What kind of doctor asked their patients questions anyway?

“It means I'm filthy, I contaminate everything I touch. I have scales all over my body that burn and itch and they mark me as unclean.” She scowled, looking up at the man.

“Is that what you wanted to hear?”

The man merely frowned, leaning back in his seat.

“Who told you that you were unclean? Elezar is a condition that comes to people at birth, but it's not contagious. You are afflicted by these scales and many other symptoms, but you can’t pass this disease on to anyone else.”

Collei took a minute to process what she had just heard, anger beginning to ring the edges of her eyes as it fought to release itself.

“No. No, you're lying. I’m unclean! If not then…” Then there was no reason for her parents to have given her away to the seer that took her to the Fatui. If she wasn’t contagious, then why was she blocked from every city, every port, every home. She had lived her life shunned and outcasted, and yet now he was trying to tell her that was all a lie.

All of her suffering had been for no reason?

“People are cruel Collei. They are scared of what they don’t understand, and unfortunately that is doubly true for diseases that have outward symptoms, such as the scales on your skin. I can assure you however that it is not, and never has been, contagious.” If his words were meant to soothe her, then he had failed. Anger caused her body to shake, her head finally shot up to stare down the liar before her eyes.

“LIAR!” The man jolted a bit at her sudden shout, Cyno behind her no longer leaning on the doorframe but standing upright and watching them.

“I have been SHUNNED from every city, every town, everywhere I have been I have been ABANDONED and you are telling me that it was for no REASON?!” Collei was standing now, facing the man as her fists were clenched. The man didn’t recoil from her, even as her bandages had slipped showing the angry red scales on her flesh.

“I’m afraid that is the case, yes.” He spoke so calmly, so firmly, and she knew then he wasn’t lying to her. Suddenly the anger left her body, leaving her feeling hollow. Collei stumbled backwards, and slumped onto the stool, her face towards the worn leather boots that was Amber's last parting gift. Did Amber know that she wasn’t contagious?

No, the people of Mondstat had thought her to be contagious, and yet they took her in anyway, Amber touched her without fear even though she assumed she could also get sick.
If she wasn’t contagious, then that meant Amber, Lisa, Jean, everyone she had touched there was safe.

“Are…Are you sure I’m not contagious?” Her voice sounded meek and pathetic, but the man didn’t latch onto this show of weakness.

“Yes, I am sure. Here, drink some water. You’ve had a shock.”

He offered her the glass of water, but Collei wasn’t too stunned to be reckless. She recoiled from the water, eyes furrowed. She knew this trick, it was a simple one that the hospital had used on all the newcomers. Offer them a drink of water after being out in the desert on a long trek, and by the time you had finished gulping down your first glass you were passed out, and when you woke up you found yourself being tested on.

Her heart began to pound, and she tried to swipe the glass out of the mans hand but he moved faster than her, the glass safe in his hand.

“I apologize, I should have been more mindful of your past….Experiences. It’s safe, I assure you.” She continued to stare at him with disdain, and he moved the glass to his lips and took a drink. Collei watched him closely for any trick, but he had actually swallowed the water. There was always the risk that he had previously taken an antidote, but she was feeling thirsty and watching him drink the first sip had only made that feeling worsen.

When the glass was offered to her Collei took it in her hands, and sniffed the water. It smelled fine, but that didn’t mean much. A tiny sip confirmed that the water didn’t hold the same salty taste that usually came with most sedatives, nor was it bitter like a poison. Collei took another hesitant sip, but before she could control herself thirst won out and she gulped down the rest of the glass.

For some reason the man seemed irritated now, Collei braced herself for his anger, surely she wasn’t to take it all for herself, how could she be so stupid-

“Cyno, haven’t you been taking care of her?”
He wasn’t speaking to her at all, no, he seemed to be reprimanding the man behind her. Collei glanced back to see the strangest sight. The terrifying General looked ashamed, his arms folded in front of himself.

“You saw how she was with the water just now, try dealing with that every single time we stopped to eat or restock our water. I caught her trying to drink stream water without boiling it because she didn’t trust me. I figured the best thing to do was get here as soon as possible, I knew you could handle her.”

Now Tighnari’s arms were folded, his eyes narrowed.

“She’s a child that has gone through trauma Cyno, of course she’s worried about where her food and water comes from! Did you show her the ingredients before you cooked the food? Or let her fill her own glass of water? Hmm?”
Things just got stranger as the man winced, holding up his palms.

“I….Tighnari you know i’m not good with kids…Or people.”

“Hmph, good to know after all this time together, I never could have guessed that by myself.” Tighnari rolled his eyes then, and refilled the glass with a pitcher of water that sat beside them. Just like last time he took a sip, and then offered it to her.

This time she drank it slowly, that first rush of water having made her stomach feel chilled and accentuated how empty it was. Cyno wasn’t lying that she hadn’t been eating or drinking a lot, she had assumed that it was all drugged in some way or another. Besides, she had survived on much less food and water than what she deemed safe to eat on her travels with Cyno.

“We can get some food in you later, may I look at your bandages? It seems like they may have loosened during your travels.”

Collei flinched at the words, then chided herself for the reaction. She steeled herself, closed her eyes and shoved her arm out to him. This was when the pain would start, and the fake mask these men wore would fall apart. As soon as he got to work studying her arms he would use cruel methods to study her, and everything would repeat itself.

Let him try, she could handle pain.

Her eyes remained closed as she heard a shuffling and the clink of instruments. Her breath began to quicken as he first held her arm, sliding the cool metal of scissors under the wrappings and began to cut them off of her arm. She couldn’t show fear, and so she set her face and kept her eyes closed. Eyes held the most fear, better to hide them then let him know how much this was affecting her.

To her core, she was scared.

No matter the bravado she hid behind, or how she lied to herself, she was scared. Letting someone touch her, seeing her skin, doing medical procedures on her body.

It filled her with more dread and fear than she could admit.

A cool ointment was spread on her scales, and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as the ointment began to soothe her skin, rather than burn or hurt.

“Does it hurt Collei?” A soft tone addressed her, and she found herself shaking her head mutely.

“Okay. Just keep your eyes closed, you’re doing good. I’m almost done.”

Collei did as asked, feeling more ointment being spread on her skin and then her arm was wrapped in a soft linen cloth. When she finally opened her eyes she found her arms neatly wrapped, and they felt better.

They actually felt better than when he started.

Collei stared at the clean white bandages, examining her hands from palm to back. They were clean, tidy, and they didn’t hurt anymore. Whatever paste he had placed on her skin had numbed the pain away. It was possibly the first time she hadn’t felt pain in a very long time.

The man stood up and gathered his equipment. She continued to stare at her hands as she heard the men talking behind her, Cyno wanting to confirm that he wasn’t really in trouble. Soft whispers, and another kiss as Tighnari confirmed that he wasn’t really in trouble.

Cyno had apparently failed in something, and yet when she turned around to look at the two men they were smiling at each other. So different than when someone in the Fatui failed, they were usually made to be test subjects alongside the other prisoners. Instead, these two looked like her own parents.

They looked like they held affection for each other, they even seemed to love each other. Just like her mom and dad.

Collei angrily wiped a tear from her cheek, biting her tongue to not make a single sound. Stupid, this was stupid. It was all a trap and she was falling right into their trap. They were making her feel comfortable, and then they would act.

But, what would they do? For the first time since coming here, her mind couldn’t come up with a million horrible possibilities.

This hut didn’t seem to hold anything terrible in it, and the men seemed to have no interest in treating her like a prisoner.

It was exhausting constantly being on edge, all the time she was on hyperalert, and it only made the scales itch worse, or spread further. One of the older kids explained that it was stress that made it worse, but this seemed redundant. What was the use of knowing that if her whole life was nothing but one stressful moment after the other? She was in constant fight or flight, and nothing would change that fact. No, the only thing to do was grit your teeth, bear it, and prepare for the next obstacle.

Still, her eyes wandered to the purple rose as the men continued to talk in gentle tones to each other.

What would it be like to live without fear every day?

****
That afternoon was spent introducing her to a few of the other people in the village. From the grannies who fed her a new food, pita pocket (surprisingly delicious), to the kids that ran around in frenzies packa. From Tighnari and Cyno she learned that this place was a “Forest watcher” basecamp of sorts.

Tighnari was a doctor, but he mostly worked to guide the other people on his team in protecting the forest and all its inhabitants.

They gave her a small tour, and the amount of life around her was overwhelming. Everything from the plants, to the animals, to people. This place was stuffed full of life all around her, and they ended up having to stop the tour when she got overwhelmed. The information overload was starting to make her scales itch, despite Tighnari's numbing ointment.

Crowds that pressed on her made her breath quicken at times, and her chest feel tight.

They had returned to Tighnari’s hut (not a moment too soon) and the two men had begun to discuss her care while she sat in the corner, trying to recover from their little tour.

They discussed clothes, food, schooling, and medical care. All of it was worthless though, she had gotten what she needed and would be leaving tonight, before things had a chance to go bad. This was a place unlike anything else she had ever known, and that uncertainty terrified her. She knew what to expect from the Fatui, from the people in villages that looked at her skin with disgust. She could handle the aggression, the scorn, the disgust, the hatred.

The kindness of Mondstat was foreign to her, but the kindness of this place was putting her own edge.

They wanted her to stay.

Every fiber of her being told her that this was a trap. So, she would run away rather than give anyone here the chance to hurt her.

That night the men had given her dinner, and thankfully they seemed content to chatter amongst themselves and so she was left to plan. They made the mistake of not keeping her close, instead they showed her to an adjoining hut that was right next to the big one. Tighnari affirmed that the door to his hut would be left unlocked in case she needed something during the night, and then she was left alone.

The room was sparse, nothing but a bed, a dresser, a table and a chair next to a window. A small lamp burned next to the bed for light, and someone had taken her rose and placed it in a vase next to the window.

Collei sat up on the bed, her fingers messing with her new clothes they had given her after she had a chance to take a bath. They were a dull brown, and were actually meant for a boy, but it was clean, and they had even said they would take her to a tailor for some clothes of her own. It almost made her feel guilty that they were offering these and yet she was leaving tonight.

Almost.

Collei waited an hour after she heard the last door shut, and the night air was filled with the sound of birds in the trees above, and calls of other animals she didn’t have the patience to learn about, much less identify.

Collei slipped out of her sheets, and slid on her leather shoes as soft as she could manage. Her bag was still packed, and she slipped this over her head. She tied her laces, tapped her feet into the boots to make sure they were snug, and then opened the door. One last glance at her stuffed green cat, it would only weigh her down, but she did feel a small twinge of remorse at leaving it behind.

She gently shut the door, and made her way down a trail. Where she was going she had no idea, but she was no stranger to wandering.

She would have to get used to this new environment, and then make her way to a city. These new robes went all the way down to her wrists, and hid the worst of the bandages. Maybe now she could disguise her way into the city. Then again, Tighnari said it wasn’t contagious.

No, Collei shook her head, she couldn’t trust that other people would know that. Clearly, most people didn’t, as her entire life had shown her up till this point.

The trail was unfamiliar to her, and she stumbled over some rocks, almost falling down the hill but caught herself with the stalk of a flower that seemed to be at least four times her height.

“Are you alright dear?”

Collei whirled on the voice, hands up in front of her face in defense, but the only face she saw was that of the woman who gave her the rose when she first came into the city.

“What are you doing out of bed dear?” Her head was cocked again in concern, and her eyes seemed gentle. Nothing about this woman seemed harsh.

“I-I could ask you the same thing!” The woman seemed taken aback for a second, but then laughed, her hand on her stomach.

“This little one wouldn’t let me stay asleep I’m afraid.”
Collei's eyes narrowed, then regarded the woman with annoyance.

“You’re alone.” Again the women laughed, and Collei’s ear burned.

“No sweetie, I’m pregnant! I’m carrying a baby now, thats why I can’t sleep. This little one won’t stop kicking. They’re quite lively.” Collei continued to stare, and the woman chuckled, before she could stop her the woman had taken Collei’s hand and placed it on her stomach.

“Feel that? It’s the baby kicking.”

Collei frowned, about to rip her hand away, when she felt movement under the woman's skin. A brush, and then another, and then finally a kick that made her jump back, her hand on her chest. This seemed to amuse the woman to no end as she laughed more.

“Do you see now why I couldn’t fall asleep? Try feeling that inside of you and see if you get any sleep.” Collei held her hand close to her chest, continuing to stare at the woman's stomach, before a hushed voice came out of her.

“Then why do you have it, I mean if it is bothering you? Isn’t it just getting in the way? If it’s bothering people then it should just be gone.” The woman winced at her sudden cruelty, but seemed to gain her composure.

“I carry them because I love them. My husband and I have been wanting a baby, and finally the archons blessed us with this little one.” The womans eyes seemed trained on her now, Collei’s body was beginning to shake, her hands clutched into fists. Today had been too much, too may strange situations, too many strange people.

She felt as if she might explode.

Anger had been a part of her for as long as she could remember, everything about her life was tinged with that all consuming emotion. Her parents, her struggles as a wanderer, the time as a lab rat. Everything about her life just made her so angry. Collei tried to calm her breaths, she didn't have time for this conversation, she had to get going.

“I am sure it was the same for your mother. No child should ever be made to feel like they are a bother.” Her hands reached out to take her hand again, and Collei leapt back, her voice, her body, everything was shaking.

“N-No. You don’t k-know my mother! They gave me away, and I can never find them again.” Anger rose sharply in her chest, and if Cyno hadn’t suppressed the serpent she was certain that it would be rearing its ugly head.

“They wanted any excuse to get rid of me, I know they couldn’t have wanted a filthy child! No one wants a filthy child, and everyone who says they do is a liar!” Collei realized then she had shouted, tears prickling the edges of her eyes, and in the distance she could make out the sounds of a door opening, a voice calling out across the bridge.

She had woken the village up, and all over a stupid baby.

Collei ran then, not looking back as the woman called out for her to stop, to come back, to talk to her. She didn’t want to talk to liars, she was done with this village, this place where everything was a lie, and under the surface she knew she would only find pain. That was the way her life had always been, so why should this place be any different?

She jolted off of the trail, pushing her way past vines and plants as tall as herself, she could hear startled animals as she ran through their shelters. Branches slapped her face, scratched her arms, and if it wasn't for the gift of Ambers boots she probably would have faltered by now. They held firmly however as she raced her way through the rainforest.

All the while she kept her ears trained for the sound of pursuit, but didn’t hear anything. Collei made her way, feet pounding, to the river's edge, and there she began to run away from the village. If she stuck close to the river then she would always have a source of water, and rivers led to cities eventually. All she had to do was make it far enough to lose any wannabe pursuers from the village behind her.

Only, in her haste, she didn’t remember the number one rule about rivers.

If you are seeking them out for water, then other creatures are seeking them out as well.

Collei continued to run, heart pounding, just when she had lost sight of the last village lantern she heard a splash in the water beside her. She was seized by terror, thinking that someone had caught up with her, but as she turned, she found that it was much, much worse.

No, no someone hadn’t found her, but something had found her.

She was staring right into the eyes of a wild Rashavera tiger.

Collei stopped in her tracks, backing up, but found that she had fallen right into the tigers trap, she was backed into a corner, the water and tiger on one side, and a large boulder too tall for her to jump over behind her. Collei cursed, whipping out the tiny dagger she kept in her bag at all times.

She wasn’t an idiot, and she knew this dagger would do nothing against a wild animal, but it was all she had. Surviving the desert, the life of an outcast, other wild animals, an evil serpent, the repressing spell, and now, all of that was wasted because she was going to be eaten alive by a tiger.

Terror gripped her, but she held firm, legs rooted to the ground as the tiger stalked its prey. She made the first move, her hand whipping out the dagger with as much force and speed as she could muster. It wasn’t nearly enough, as the tiger easily sidestepped what seemed to be a toothpick now that she got a look at its teeth.

What a time to realize you don’t want to die.

The tiger swatted at her, its sharp claws tearing through bandage and flesh alike, and she fell like a ragdoll, a scream piercing the forest as she clutched her bleeding arm. A quick glance made her stomach turn into knots, her arm was gushing warm blood from the thick wounds in her flesh.

That's right, large predators like tigers didn’t kill in one blow. They toyed with their prey. She had been toyed with her entire life, why should her death be any different?

Get up, she had to get up. Collei raised her head only to duck from another swipe of the tigers paws. Her arm hurt so much, a pain she had not experienced in a long time.

She was getting weak, and because of this she was going to die.
She didn't want to die like this.
“ONE WITH THE FOREST!”
Something whizzed past her ear as she laid crumped on the ground.

There was a burst of green, and then the tiger roared in pain. A flash of purple was all she saw before she was scooped up into someone's arms, the scent of frankincense was what struck her first, but when her eyes focused on the blur of movement above her, she saw that the man holding her was Cyno.

His eyes glowed purple, matching his electro vision as he struck the tigers paw away, stunning the creature. The air around him cracked, and she could almost smell ozone, like a storm was about to break out right above them. Right before her eyes, she saw what others called Cynos "hand of justice." A massive purple clawed hand emerged from the swirling darkness behind the man, and at his beckoning it began to slash towards the predator.

“Don’t you DARE touch her.”

Was he talking about her?

Was he actually defending her?

The pain in her arm made her wince, warm blood still gushing as another arrow flew as it struggled to evade Cynos attacks, and finally the tiger fell silent, the arrow sticking out of its chest. A fatal blow to the heart.

She was alive, and the men she was sure would hurt her, had saved her life. No, they had risked their life to save her.

It didn’t make sense.

Nothing made sense today.

Nothing at all.

Her head felt light and airy now, and she could barely see her skin past the blood.

These two men could have easily ended up just like her.

They had to be the world's biggest fools to put someone else's lives in front of their own. She couldn't muse on this too long however, as after they made sure that the tiger was dead the two men turned on her.

"That was a very foolish thing to do." Cyno stated, but even as she winced ready for her reprimand he didn't hurt her, only handed her over to Tighnari. The man ripped off his cloak, and before she could stop him he began to rip it into long strips.

"H-hey, stop that! You're going to mess it up!" Collei barely managed to whisper above the pain and weakness of the tigers attack.

"Hmm I should hope so, it's going to be bandages." He worked swiftly, putting pressure on her wound and applying the makeshift bandages. She winced in pain at the sudden touch, and while he didn't stop holding pressure, he comforted her.

"I'm sorry, I know it hurts." Beside her Cyno huffed, a mutter barely heard under his breath.

"It'd hurt a lot worse if she wasn't so easy to track down."

Seems her shout had been as bad as she thought.

"Shush you."

Tighnari never lost his focus, wrapping her wound tightly before holding up his palms. They were streaked with her blood, and the sight made her stomach turn.

"I'm going to carry you back, alright? I know you don't like touch, but you've just had a shock. You're tired, you've lost blood, and I don't want to risk you fainting across a bridge. Okay?" He waited then, and Collei realized he was actually waiting for her consent.

"I….okay. That makes sense." Not like she could stop him anyway. Tighnari nodded, wiping his hands off on the now ruined green robes.

"Good. I am going to take you back to the infirmary." His hands clasped under her knees, and her arm, and she was scooped up off of the ground. His movements were steady, but quick as he made his way with her back to the village, Cyno trailing behind them.

Inside the village a voice called out, and the pregnant woman shuffled to their side, her wide gait somehow keeping up with Tighnari and Cyno. Collei winced at the sight of the woman, curling into herself in his arms. She just wanted to be left alone, she was surely here to chastise her.

"Oh thank goodness, you found her! I was so worried, I mean-" Collei’s eyes flickered up to the woman. She was worried for her? But she had just met her, and when she did all Collei did was almost steal a rose, and then yell at her and her baby. The woman caught her eyes and spoke, a hand on her back as she kept up with the strides of the man holding her.

"I'm not angry dear. I know you come here with a long past." Collei opened her mouth to protest, but the woman waved her off.

"Call it a mothers instincts." They made it to the infirmary, Cyno speaking up behind them.

"Marion shouldn't you be propping your legs up or something?" The woman, Marion, rolled her eyes.

"Tighnari tell your husband that i'm pregnant, not helpless." She huffed, opening the door for them and Collei was back in the infirmary.

Her escape attempt had barely lasted an hour but she had screamed at a pregnant lady, got attacked by a tiger, witnessed the General's hand of justice up close and personal, and then had to be rescued by the people she was trying to escape.

The more she thought about it the less it made sense. They didn't lock her door, so they should have known she would try to escape. Yet, they came after her, and instead of leaving her to the tiger, they saved her.

"Why." She cleared her throat, watching as Marion fussed at Cyno before leaving them, shutting the door behind her.

"Why did you come for me?" Tighnari set her down on a soft bed and began to gather up glass bottles containing various oils, liquids and herbs.

"Its not safe at night in the forest. We heard the shout and thought you might be in danger."

"That's it?"

Tighnari turned to her, his ears twitched down.

"What other reason do we need to have?"

There were a million good reasons she could think of for him to have left her at the mercy of the tiger, but she kept her mouth shut.

Tighnari examined her arm as he sat down, He cleaned off her arm gently, tutting under his breath at the state of her skin. The flesh was raw and ragged, bits of dirt and other unidentifiable objects stuck to her skin and wound.

Cyno came in with warm cloths then, Tighnari thanking him before gently loosening the stuck on material and blood. The pain as he touched one of the tigers cuts made her flinch, trying to grab her arm away from his grasp.

"I'm sorry Collei, we need to clean this, okay? Its going to be alright." Tignaris voice was soothing and low, he whispered something to Cyno beside him and the man hurried out the door. Within seconds he was back, holding the stuffed cat in his hands.

His movements were awkward as he offered the stuffed animal to her, and while a side of her wanted to tell him that she had no use for such a babyish form of comfort, the other side of her desperately wanted something to hold. That side won out.

With her free arm occupied holding her cat, Tighnari began to clean her arm once again, taking his time to clean out the wound and remove every piece of dirt, bark, or anything else. By the time he was done her arm looked almost clean, if one could ignore the still oozing cuts. More clean bandages were sought out and her arm was wrapped, but it seemed he wasn't done.

Tighnari crushed some bitter smelling herbs with a mortar and pestle. These he mixed into a paste with some sweet flower, and what appeared to be rose infused water, and offered to her as a drink.

"Its medicine. It won't hurt you, it will only help with the pain and keep fever at bay." She didn't wait for him to take a sip, instead she grasped the offered cup and drank it down.

The herbs had a bitter aftertaste, but the sweet flower made it bearable. The rose left her mouth tasting (smelling?) like the inside of the infirmary. When she was done he placed a blanket over her, instructing her to call if she needed anything.

He was almost to the door before she found the strength to move past her pride.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble." Her eyes cast down, as if acknowledging her fault would make him remember that she should have been cast out in the first place.

"You don't have to apologize for being scared Collei. Just trust us, and know we want to help. That's all we want to do, I promise." With that, the man turned and entered what she assumed was his bedroom.

She heard muffled voices coming from the room, and finally the creaking of floorboards as the pair settled down. Then, all was quiet again and she was left with the sound of birds in the distance.

True to his word, her arm no longer hurt as bad. She clutched it, about to sling her leg over the side of the bed to get up again. Something stopped her, a gentle voice at the back of her mind.

"You can rely on others." Amber didn't lie to her, and maybe these men wouldn't lie either.

She drew her leg back into the bed, shuffling down into the blankets. She needed sleep before she could sort all this out anyway.

Collei fell asleep to the sounds of the jungle enveloping her. The roar of the tigers off in the distance, the birds calling above their heads, and the soft creaking of insects.

It was probably the best sleep she had in a long time.

Chapter Text

             Waking up felt like pushing past a thick quilt that was covering her mind. Her head felt sluggish that morning, her body ached, her arm stung with the fresh air that blew on it once it was uncovered from the blanket. She felt all at once cold and yet warm. 

              She was sick. 

              Collei stayed where she was, thinking of the best way to handle this situation. This wasn’t the first time she had been sick, but it never made it easier to handle. Having eleazar as a chronic illness was bad enough, but then to add a fever on top of it from another illness? Might as well throw her back to the tigers then, cause if you were sick you were left behind. That's just how survival worked. 

              She would have to fend for herself. 

              Collei tossed aside the blanket that now felt like it weighed a ton, and shivered at the cool air on her skin. She was covered in sweat, and as soon as that air hit she was freezing once again. She needed water, and cool rags to help bring down her fever. Her legs however, didn’t seem to want to cooperate with her at that moment. 

              “Come on you stupid things. Move!” She whisper-yelled at her stubborn legs, and finally drew herself up to her full height. The movement sent a rush to her head, and she grabbed onto the wall to stabilize herself. Everything spun around her, she closed her eyes and concentrated on her breaths until the worst of it was over, even though her stomach felt like a pit inside of her. 

               One foot in front of the other, she made her way to the small kitchen. She had  to stop at the entrance way and catch her breath, every step felt like ten and she was exhausted already. 

               With a small grunt Collei pushed herself past the door frame and towards the water pitcher that was sitting on the table. She almost made it too, but just when she reached the table another wave of vertigo washed over her and she crumbled to the ground, the edges around her eyes turning black. A ringing in her ears overtook her senses, but then it was over and she gradually came back to her senses, albeit even weaker than before, nauseated, and extremely frustrated. 

              If she couldn’t even get water, how was she going to take care of herself? All she could do was stay in her bed and hope that she didn’t get too dehydrated. Still, that meant making it back to bed.

             She heard a shuffling from the adjoining bedroom, and groaned as the door opened. She had made more noise with her fall then she had realized. When she looked up it was Cyno above her, his head tilted. 

             “What happened?” She winced at having to explain herself, and tried to do it in as few words as possible. Partly because of the shame, but mostly because she felt as if she would vomit at any second. 

              “I’m sick. I wanted water.” She shrugged. 

              “Couldn’t reach it.” 

             Cyno grunted, then reached for her. He paused for a second as if remembering something.

             “Is it okay if I help you back to bed?” Another person asking her consent before doing something, it was so strange. 

             “Yeah. Fine.” She wasn’t even trying to sound rude at this point, she really just thought she would puke at any second now. 

              Cyno seemed to have no idea how to handle her small frame, as he picked her up like a ragdoll under her armpits and carried her that way to the bed. To his credit he set her down gently and seemed to know to tuck the sheets over her, but by this point she felt like a disgruntled housecat more than a patient. 

              “Hold on, I’ll grab Tighnari.” With that he was gone, and she was left under the heavy sheets. 

             Tighnari came out of the back room, and came over to her, placing a hand on her forehead. She did her best to not recoil from that hand. 

             He hummed, and began to turn to the shelves full of herbs and bottles once again, loading down his arms with various items. There was some more mixing in the kitchen, but this time the brew produced was a tea, which she noted was sweetened with honey instead of sweet flower. She forced herself to sit up, waited for the dizziness to pass and then drank down the tea wordlessly. When he began to ask after her symptoms she responded in kind, faithfully relaying what she felt since waking up in the bed. 

           When the torrent of questions finally seemed to be coming to an end she looked over at Tighnari, frowning as she felt another wave of nausea come over her that required her to lay back down. 

           “Am I going to die?” 

           Tighnari seemed to be taken aback by that question, but then released a hearty laugh that made her cheeks blush in embarrassment. 

           “No Collei, you’re not going to die. You have a fever, and your wound may be infected, but I can assure you that you will be well taken care of, okay?” She nodded, shuffling down deeper into the blankets. He lit a candle close to her that smelled of mint, and stood up.   

           “I’m going to make breakfast. Call out if you need anything, Collei.” She nodded, not wanting to say anything else stupid, and watched as the two men went to the kitchen. She could hear shuffling from within, and then Cyno came out with a glass of water that he left by her bed. Collie didn’t have a chance to drink it, as soon sleep dragged her back under. 

          That day was spent split between moments of wakefulness, nausea that seemed to rush at her in waves, and dreaming. Fever dreams began to worsen, and soon it felt like she was only dreaming of the hospital, the experiments on her and her fellow prisoners. Waking up from those she only felt more sick, and there was no one to tell. 

           No one to tell, but these strange men. They stayed by her side, gave her medicine and water, made sure she was warm with the blankets or took them away. Even when Collei became sick and vomited on the blankets covering her they didn't shy away. Cyno replaced the blankets while Tighnari propped her up and washed her face for her, even as she apologized in a hazy frenzy. 

          "I'm sorry I ruined it. I'm so sorry." 

          Tighnari laughed, wiping her face again with a cool rag and setting her back down with the clean sheets over her. 

          "I wouldn't be much of a doctor if I couldn't handle a sick patient." 

          Collei slumped back into the sheets, already sleep was starting to overwhelm her. 

          "Yeah but it's not just that." She didn't get to finish her sentence, as sleep finally took over her once again. 

                                                                                    *****

             The next morning was, surprisingly, better than the last. She still felt sick upon waking, but it was more of a dull ache than a constant threat of nausea and vertigo. Still, a question plagued her mind, the discontent from the night before the first thing on her mind. 

             She made a mess of everything, disturbing these men's lives, their peaceful village, their clothes and blankets, food and watee. Despite all this, they assured her they weren't mad. They told her she was safe here, but that voice in the back of her mind wouldn't shut up. 

            You will be disposed of again. 

             It's only a matter of time before they tire of you and cast you out. 

            The more they find out about you the more they will hate. 

             For so long she had told herself that this was the voice of survival, the thing that would keep her alive through all the hardships and abuse. This voice had served her well, it kept her sharp and alert to danger, the constant adrenaline it provided made her faster, stronger. 

            Only, now that she was in a place where she was told these things weren't needed, the hypervigilance, the anxiety, the guarded self, well it wasn't easy to turn off years of survival. A larger part of her didn't want to get rid of it, this part of her had kept her safe when she had no one to depend on but herself, how could she cast it out on the promise of a few strangers? 

        Strangers who gave her food and water. Strangers who introduced her to the people of the village, gave her a rose and a stuffed cat. Strangers who sought her out and saved her life from a wild tiger. Strangers who were now tending to her as she was sick. They gave her medicine that truly helped her, cool rags to soothe her forehead,  and changed the linens on her bed. So many of their actions showed caring, kindness, concern. Even Cyno, in his stiff fashion, showed concern for her. He retrieved that stuffed cat, and for some reason, believed that bad jokes were the way to her heart. She had suffered through at least five of them today, and they really weren't funny, but somehow, they made her smile, just a little. 

            "What are you thinking about Collei?" Collei jumped at the sudden intrusion to her thoughts, to see Tighnari with the bed tray for her dinner. Tonight was porridge and fruit in light of her tender stomach. Still, she could see a small sprinkle of cinnamon on the porridge, a touch that didn't need to be there but Tighnari had made all the same. 

            Maybe, just maybe, she could tell him a little of what was on her mind. 

            "I am having a hard time just sitting here." That was just the tip of the issue, but it was as good of a place to start as any. 

           "I see, that's understandable given your past. You're used to action and defense, is that a fair judgment?" She nodded, and he sat down the bed tray beside her, pulling up a chair to talk to her. 

           "Would you like to talk more about it, Collei?" Not really, but maybe it would lessen the pressure in her chest. Still, a faint concern was whispered from her lips. 

            "You're going to think I'm crazy." She slid down into her blankets, her hands tightening into fists beneath the sheets. Saying her fear out loud made it all the more sharp, and anxiety was starting to roll through her body. 

           "I promise you Collei, I won't think that of you. Some patients have a sickness that can be seen on the outside, others have one that is within their mind. It doesn't make it any less real, or easier to handle. My job as a provider is to help with all illnesses, not just the ones on the surface." Tighnari's voice was slow and soothing, its rhythm somewhat calming her heart. Somewhat. 

             "But what if, I mean, I don't think I know of anyone else that has my….Problems." Tighnari nodded, seemed to think for a moment, and then began. 

           "With these mental illnesses, it's easy to feel alone and different. No one else has the same life experience as you, so it makes it hard when those experiences give you symptoms and trauma that others don't understand. Other people may have a mental illness like depression, anxiety, PTSD, but that doesn't make it easier when you have it yourself. But I assure you, you're not alone, Collei. When you're ready, tell me what you've been feeling, or thinking lately." 

            So, maybe she wasn't crazy like she had feared. Still, he was right, knowing that other people might have the same issues didn't make it easier for her. That tightness in her chest refused to budge, and it was making it hard for her to speak. She felt so weak, it was incredibly frustrating. She would force herself to speak, she refused to lay here mute and anxious. 

            "I…I feel like there's a part of my mind that is telling me to run. To not trust you guys, because it could all be a trap. I feel so….Restless! Like I should be doing something, but I can't even figure out what I should be doing. And, I'm so anxious . I've never been this anxious before, and I don't even know why it's here or how to get rid of it!" True to his word, Tighnari sat and listened until she was done. 

        "Collei, you have been surviving on your own for a very long time. Your body is used to danger, to the fight or flight response. It was your natural state for a very long time, and it served you well, it kept you alive till now. The thing about stress, and that fight or flight response, is that it can be hard to turn off, especially when all your past experiences are telling your body that danger could be around the next corner."  It was like this man could read her mind, her worries. It was easy to talk to him, because he listened. He understood. Someone actually understood her struggles, her anxieties, her fears. 

            “Then what can I do about it? If it's all in my mind I mean.” Her voice was soft and hesitant, the pressure in her chest had somewhat lessened by this point. Somehow his presence was calming to her. 

How strange. 

            “We talk about everything, when you’re ready. We can start as small as how you are feeling one single day, or as far back as your childhood. Regardless, I will be here to listen to you. I can give you tricks to help handle your anxiety, alright? Not everything may work, but we keep trying until we find what does work. No matter what, you won’t be alone.” 

         That word again, alone. It had been such a deep part of her for so long, loneliness was her friend, her constant companions. Now he was using the negative, a “not” before the alone changed things so much. Such a small word, not, and yet it changed everything. 

         “I…I think that I would like to do that. Some-someday.” Did she really want to do that? Talk to this man about her past, everything? Spill it all out like a fool, give him ammunition to hurt her, to mock her, to find every single fault and flaw? Or was that just that same lying voice in her mind? So much to think about, and she was so, so tired. As if reading her mind, Tighnari sat up with a scrape of the chair. 

            “We start when you’re ready, Collei. Just tell me when, and I will be here to listen. For now, just rest Collei. Rest, and recover.” His hand for a moment went to brush her hair back, but he stopped, laying his hand against his side. 

               “Sleep well Collei, Cyno and I are here for you.” He left the room then, and she was alone with her thoughts. Her hand moved to her forehead and pushed back her hair. 

            “Huh.” 

              Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. 

                                                                                                    ********

            Collei crept to where Tighnari’s hut was, it was silly, and that voice told her she should be handling this on her own, but then…Amber said it was okay to rely on others, and these men had said the same thing. They were kind to her, she hadn't been hungry since coming here, and Tighnari despite being a doctor, used methods that didn’t hurt. His ointments didn't sting, but rather they soothed. When he treated her with medicine he didn't hold her down for a shot or a scalpel, but instead spoke soothingly as he worked. He was kind, and she had to be able to trust the people around her, like Amber said. Like Tighnari said. 

             It had been about a month since coming here, and since then the days were filled with small chores and daily tasks. Tighnari had been slowly trying to teach her how to read, which was an excruciatingly annoying process. It was hard work, the letters seeming to spin in front of her eyes, and nothing made sense. Thankfully, there were other tasks to do as well, ones that involved the forest rather than academics. So far she had learned some of the most common plants and animals, and more importantly, which plants were to be avoided. Turns out, there was a ton of those in these forests, mushrooms that gave you odd dreams, plants that made you sick, or plants that killed. 

             She had learned a lot since coming here, and she could honestly say that she was almost comfortable around the two men. The other villagers were another story, the only exception being Marion. The thought of the pregnant woman reminded her of her reason for being here in the first place, the dreams that had yet to leave her alone. She had tried to make it on her own, she really had, despite Tighnari’s gentle offers to talk with her. But, talking about it was hard. That pressure rose up, and began to squeeze, and it was so much easier to just ignore the past, and fully live in the present. She was no longer struggling to survive, but there was still plenty of work to do here, things to help with, subjects to learn. None of that left time for the “therapy” Tighnari spoke of and offered. 

             Even if the anxieties still came in the night, the nightmares that gripped her tight, made it so she couldn’t sleep. Horrible flashes, and she could no longer run. There was nowhere to run to anymore, nothing to run from. How could she outrun something that only existed in her mind, in her dreams? 

            Tighnari would know what to do. He always seemed to have an answer. She would just have to trust that he could stop the nightmares, stop the pressure in her chest, make it all go away. 

            Collei came to the doorway of his hut, and hesitated there, her heart still beating rapidly, but finally turned the knob to enter the room. The room was dark, but she could make out two forms in the bed, their soft snores filling the hut. It was almost funny seeing the terrifying General Mahamatra snoring like a shroomboar. Almost. Another flash from her nightmare passed through her mind, and all the humor was gone from her mind. 

            Maybe she shouldn't wake them up anyway, they might be mad if she woke them up and then their goodwill would end, it was the middle of the night for archons sake, surely Tighnari hadn’t thought he would be woken up when he offered the help! She would either be cast out again or worse. 

            Bothersome child. 

            Insolent creep. 

           Filthy beggar. 

           Filthy child. 

           Bringer of disease. 

           Murderer.  

           Her thoughts began to spiral, the scaly rash under her bandages was burning, and all she could smell was the sterile scent of the hospital. She was panting now, trying to back out of the door, a hand over her mouth to muffle her panicked breath. This was a mistake, they would wake up and be mad, and then- 

           Fresh tears began to fall down her cheeks as she was stuck in the doorway, her panic making her unable to move, she had to grip the doorway for support as the panic rolled in waves through her body, making her feel faint, hot, nauseated, but she couldn't do a thing but stay stuck in that position. The sterile smell was all around her now, the doctor's laugh filled her ears and it took everything she had to not cry out in terror. 

           “Collei? Collei look at me.” 

           Her eyes snapped upwards, seeing the bright green of Tighnaris’s eyes looking at her with concern, when had he woken up? No, no, no this was bad. She had woken him up, and what's worse, she had woken him up by having a panic attack in their room. Cyno was awake now as well, leaning on his arm as he rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes with one hand. The pounding of her heart blocked the words he said to Tighnari, and she tried to turn and run, she tried to escape this situation she had put herself into, but when she turned to flee her knees gave out. The only thing that kept her from falling and cracking her head was Tighnari’s gentle hands catching her. Cyno was beside him now, his lightning quick reflexes having made the several feet to the door nothing but a bounding step. 

           She was set down then, and she hastily curled up in a fetal position on the ground. She was a sitting duck now and there was nothing she could do to stop their blows when they came. The best thing to do was curl up and protect her core from the blows, and then flee when it was over. This was what she feared for so long, all these weeks, and now she knew it was at hand, the kindness was over, all of it was over now. She could handle this though, she had been through worse. She had to believe that she could make it through this, through the awful clenching of her heart, the waves of nausea, the horrible panic that made her feel like a bird trapped in a cage, frantically thrashing against its prison. 

          Collei shut her eyes and prepared for the first blow, but the only thing that brushed her skin was a soft blanket that had been placed over her form.

          Her eyes shot open in surprise as she looked up at Tighnari. He didn’t look angry, or resentful, no, he only looked…Pained. She had seen that expression once before, so long ago it felt more like a dream than a memory, but that expression was one her parents bore when they handed her over to the Doctor for “treatment.” It was a genuine concern for her . Somehow that made the sobs that had been building up in her all night, no, for months now come bursting out of her and the force of them shook her down to the core. 

          Tighnari waited as she sobbed, screamed, until everything felt distant, like her head was detached from her body and she was merely observing those around her from the treetops. She was mute then, staring off to the wall, and when Tighnari picked her up she didn’t put up any resistance. It was through muffled thoughts she heard his soft affirmations. 

          “You’re okay Collei, no one is going to hurt you. You are safe here, Cyno and I won’t let anything happen to you. No one is going to hurt you like that ever again.” 

          She couldn't say anything, not when her brain was attached to her body like a ballon, and he seemed to sense this change in her, as he changed his words of comfort. 

          “Come back when you're ready, Collei, your mind is trying to protect itself. When you’re ready, come back to us here, Cyno and I will be waiting.” 

           Collei existed in that dreamlike state for some time, but true to his word Tighnari and Cyno were patient. Tighnari held her in his arms, but wrapped in the blanket, Cyno was sitting on the bed, crossed legged and watching them with concern. When she finally felt more like herself she spoke, soft words that barely made it past the blanket. Her entire body felt drained and her eyes burned from tears. 

           “I'm sorry.” 

            Tighnari chuckled, shaking his head. 

            “You didn’t wake me up, if that's what you're worried about. Did you really think I could sleep with this Lummox snoring right next to me?” A faint smile struggled to make its way up to her lips, and Cyno seemed to take this as his chance. 

             “Collei, What is huge, grayish, and can send people to sleep?” No one said a word, but Cyno delivered his punchline with dry wit regardless. “A Hypno-potamus.” 

             Tighnari cringed as he held her, whacking Cyno lightly on his arm. “Not the right time Cyno.” 

             The man that many feared at the mere sight only shrugged, looking at Collei. “She's still smiling so I think it worked.” To her surprise, he was right. She felt absolutely drained, but also, content? Like she had a whirling storm brewing inside her mind all this time, and now that she had let some of it out, she sat inside the eye of the storm. It was still there, but for right now, she was in calm seas. 

             She didn't say anything but merely closed her eyes, and when Tighnari set her down on the bed between him and Cyno she was too tired to move or return to her hut. She felt as if she could sleep a million hours. Collei felt a shuffling around her as her guardians settled down into bed and pulled the blanket up over all of them. Tighnari rested a hand across her on Cyno's hip. The general placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, which she didn't bother to shrug off.  For once the presence of others didn't make her feel suffocated or trapped, but instead she felt…cocooned. 

              Protected. 

                                                                                                    ********

            “I want to tell you two about my past.” That morning she spoke, staring into the veins and rings of the wooden table as they sat around the breakfast table. Tighnari was making breakfast, Cyno handling the tea. Both seemed to take a moment before stopping what they were doing and sitting down at the table. 

            “Okay. What do you want to tell us?” Cyno began, his voice level. His professional calmness settled her nerves somewhat, and she felt as if she could begin. She started, but a lump was in her throat. She swallowed down some water, and tried again, but was unsuccessful. Hot tears of frustration began to well. The only time she had wanted to tell someone else about her experience and now she couldn’t speak?

             A gentle hand placed a blanket on her shoulders, and she looked up from the table to see Tighnari standing beside her shoulder. He sat down next to Cyno, a look of concern written across his face. 

           “Take your time, Collei, we aren’t going anywhere.” As if to prove this, his hand rested on Cyno’s and neither spoke, giving her time to gather her thoughts. 

            “I, well, you know that I had elezar, and later, the archons residue inside of me.” 

            Cyno nodded, apparently not bothered by the fact that she was starting with the obvious, and it wasn’t even really the beginning of the story. Collei took in a sharp breath, and began again. 

            “I mean, my parents knew I had this illness ever since I was born, this elezar. They couldn’t handle it.” Perhaps that wasn’t fair, but she didn’t really care. Admitting that they were trying to do what was “right” for her meant that other people's good intentions only caused her suffering. 

            “So they gave me away to the eleazar hospital of research and treatment.” She spat those words like a curse, even now they tasted sour on her tongue. If she closed her eyes she could hear the screaming, smell the sterile sheets, feel the sand on her skin. It became too much for a moment, Collei shutting her eyes to try and block out the senses that existed only in her mind. 

            “Collei, deep breaths. When you’re ready, begin again.” Came Tighnari’s gentle voice, and she took his advice. Deep breath in to smell the lavender and mint, the frankincense of Cyno, the earthy grass of Tighnari. 

            Breathe out, breathe in. This cycle continued until finally she could no longer smell the sheets, hear the screams or feel the sand. 

           “It wasn’t really a hospital. The Fatui were the ones that were in charge.” If she opened her eyes she knew she would see the men bristle, but she kept her eyes closed. It felt easier to expose herself and her past if she didn’t have to see anyone react. 

           “One in particular, I think his name was the Doctor? At least, that's what everyone called him.” A wave of nausea overcame her, but she bit her tongue until it was over. Finally, she opened her eyes to see Tighnari had slid a glass of water towards her. She accepted this gratefully, and took long sips. When she was done she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her nightgown and began once again. 

           “He wanted to use people as experiments, and this was an easy place to do it. I think they were trying to make archon residue, to transcend humans? I’m not sure, but that was only one of the many experiments they ran.” 

           Cynos' eyes narrowed, and he tried to speak but Tighnari placed a hand on his shoulder. Collei began again, her hands gripping her knees. This was the hardest part, the experiences that were weighing her down and making her feel bitter, angry, a constant fire in her belly. 

           "They either used treatments or withheld it. The first time I went into the hospital they had me drink some water that was offered. I drank half of it before I passed out." Now it was Tignari’s time to stiffen. 

            "When I woke up they were examining me on a surgery table. I was tied down and I couldn't move, I wanted to yell but as soon as they were done examining my face they covered my mouth so I couldn't scream." Tears were flowing now, but she swallowed past the thickness in her throat. 

             "The main man there, the Doctor. He came in and was holding a syringe. He stabbed me with it." A small involuntary jolt passed through her body. 

            "It burned when it went in, and I tried to tell them that but I couldn't speak!" Her face was flushed, her words thick, and the pounding of her heart was enough to make her crazy. 

             "I saw visions then, everything was black and red, and I saw nations fall. People crushed under sand and time. Desolation as far as the eye could see, I saw myself in the midst, my hands turning to sand before my very eyes. When I came out of the visions a man in a blue mask was holding a black snake above me, made of sand. The man placed it on my chest and it sat there, staring at me with its red eyes. The man took off my gag and I tried to scream but they let the snake slide all over me, and the more I screamed the more they laughed." She shut her eyes, her hands over her ears as the most painful of memories rose to the surface. 

            "The snake slid into my mouth, and down my throat. I thought I was going to die, I couldn't breathe, and the snake just kept squirming down my throat. I was choking, and when I was about to pass out the snake took root and bit me." Bitter acid came upon her dry tongue and she swallowed some water to try and make the taste go away. 

             It didn't. 

             "I wanted to pass out, to get away from the pain but the snake wouldn't let me. It wanted me awake while it fed. I don't remember a lot after that. I just felt pain. Nothing but pain. The staff was just….Smiling at me. The whole time they were smiling." Collei shuddered at the image in her mind. 

            "I was taken to my cell then, and I lived there for, well, I don't know how long. I think it was a year? The experiments continued until I found a chance to escape and I took it." She shook her head, biting her lip. Empty, she felt empty. No, that wasn’t all that she felt. How could she feel so utterly overwhelmed and yet drained at the same time? Her head snapped to Tighnari, staring him down as fresh tears welled in her eyes. 

            "Telling people is supposed to help! It's supposed to make you feel better, but I don't feel any better, I feel worse! You told me it would help!" Tears streamed down her face as her hands formed fists under the table. 

             "I don't feel better at all! I feel like, like I want to disappear!" The words rang true, and she could barely register the hand on her shoulder. 

             Tighnari. 

             "Collei, can I hold you?" She nodded mutely, and he slid her into his arms, holding her close against his chest. For a moment she had forgotten how to react to this, but then her arms slid into the familiar, childlike position. She gripped his shoulders and buried her face into his chest. 

             "Don't disappear Collei." 

              With a hand on her back Cyno made his presence known. 

              "I swear that these people will face justice Collei. No matter how long it takes, they will face my judgment." 

              Collei buried her face further into Tighnari's chest, smelling the now familiar scent of earthy grass, herbs, and the slight lingering scent of frankincense contributed by Cyno. When did these smells become so comforting to her? What was once ordinary and mundane now acted as a salve upon her frayed nerves. 

             Tighnari held her for a long time, until the rumble of her stomach broke the spell. She leaned back, rubbing the tears off of her face. Tignaris' chuckle filled in the silence as he brushed her shaggy hair behind her ear, he no longer hesitated, and she no longer flinched. 

            "Let's get you some breakfast, yeah?" Beside them, Cyno slid over their now over steeped tea. That didn't matter though, cause it was brewed by someone who seemed to care for her. She had people that cared for her now. 

            Maybe now, she felt just a little bit better. 

Chapter Text

     "Why do I have to learn this again?"  Collei slumped in her kitchen chair, the thick pages of math and science notebooks mocking her. Despite the obvious rhetorical nature of her question, Cyno had an answer for her. 

        He always had an answer for her rhetorical questions.

      "Because children who don't do their homework get fed to the Jadebloom monster." A rag hit his arm from where Tighnari was cooking dinner. 

           "Because knowledge is important, and we want you to have a good future. Right Cyno?" Tighnari looked over at his husband expectantly, stirring dinner, which seemed to be vegetable curry. Tighnari was on a health streak again it seemed. 

        "Yes, yes of course it is." Cyno offered,  before sitting down next to Collei, pulling his chair up to the table with a soft creak. 

        "So, what is confusing you?" Collei sighed, laying her head down on her current notes, looking at her fingertips which were resting on the table. They were stained with ink again, and it took forever to get them clean. Her writing skills were meager at best, despite being under the men's care for a few years now. What she knew before the hospital was a distant blur, and it wasn't like there was a school or tutors in that hellish place. 

      No, no, no panicking today. She had to focus. Pushing the hospital out of her mind she focused her gaze on Cyno.  

       "I just, I don't even know what I don't know. I'm starting from scratch and it's so hard. I mean, all the other kids find this stuff so easy and I'm just….Unteachable." Cyno's eyebrow quirked up, a twitch in his eye formed as Tighnari’s tail bristled. Almost in sync she groaned but spoke under her breath with Cyno. 

        "Hello Unteachable, I'm Cyno." He paused for a moment, silence in the room as he waited for laughter that would never come. Finally, he cleared his throat, muttering to himself. 

       "Hmm perhaps that one is a bit overdone…" He cleared his throat once more and began again. 

      "Anyway, you are not unteachable Collei. You have great survival skills. You can already identify over a hundred mushrooms with Tighnari, and you can chart the stars." The memory of the time spent on star gazing lessons with Cyno made her smile, just a little. The smell and feel of ink against her cheek dashed that happiness away. 

        "But that stuff is easy! I need to know how to read, write, and do math! Or else I'm just going to be an idiot all my life." She finally brought her head up from the table, rubbing the smudges of ink off of her cheek as Tighnari set the bowls of rice and curry on the table. 

        "Wrong, trust me Collei, survival skills are hard to learn, and most people don't have the common sense required for survival. Secondly, you are not stupid, understand?" He waited for her reply, but all she could offer was a weak nod. Tighnari was not entirely satisfied it seemed, but also knew not to push the matter further. 

        "Eat some dinner Collei, we can worry about homework after you've had a proper break." 

         If it meant getting away from the textbooks and ink she would have done just about anything, but dinner was certainly the most preferable of options. Then again she would also take cleaning her room, picking herbs outside, making dinner, fetching water from the river. 

        Yeah, just about anything but the mocking letters that swam in front of her eyes as she tried to read and write. 

         “Collei, have you finished your letter to Amber yet? I can take it with me when I go to the Akadeymia tomorrow.” Tighnari offered as he slid her a glass of water. 

         That's right, he was going, and Cyno had business to attend to in the city as well. Both would be gone for a couple of days, maybe more. It wasn’t taking care of herself that would be the issue, more it was keeping herself motivated to do her homework, and the fact that she would miss their company. True, she had made a few friends with the other forest watchers, but that process was slow going. As it stood, she mostly spent time with her guardians, and Marion's toddler, who was almost three years old now and could hardly be considered a true confidant. He kept secrets, sure, but he also couldn’t say anything more than a few words at a time, so that was probably a moot point. 

        “Are you sure you’re okay with us going Collei? I can always reschedule, or try to take you with us?” There he went again, reading her mind like an open book. 

        “No, no it's fine! I mean, sure I’ll miss you guys, but I mean really it’s only a few days and I can take care of myself, you know that!” She quickly stuffed some rice and curry into her mouth to prevent any further words from spilling out. 

         Hmm, Tighnari was getting experimental with the spices again it seemed.

        “Well, as long as you’re sure that you will be okay. Though, I’m sure Marion wouldn’t mind coming and staying with you?” She shook her head, sipping some water as the first wave of heat hit her tongue. Ah, that's right, he mentioned getting some kind of chili from Liyue to cook with, apparently it was good for circulation or something like that? 

         “I’m not a child, you don’t need to get me a babysitter.” Realizing that her complaints weren't really going to further her case of being a mature thirteen year old, she amended her statement. 

         “I mean, I'll be fine, really. You don’t have to worry about me. Plus, I know where everyone in the village is if something goes wrong! If anything, you know Marion will be asking me to babysit Amir.” She took another bite of curry, and sighed in relief as her guardian's scrutinizing gaze finally lessened. 

         “Okay, as long as you are sure. Still, remember to do your homework, perform your duties for your apprenticeship with the forest watchers but-”

         “But don’t overwork yourself and take breaks.” She interjected, a sly smile as she pointed her spoon at Tighnari. 

          “Rest assured, I will take care of myself, and the house while you two are gone.” 

          Tighnari was quiet, then chuckled as he passed more curry to Cyno. 

         “Seems I’ve been a broken record for the past few days. Well, we won’t say anything else about it then, and we will leave tomorrow morning.” She nodded, almost done with her food, maybe just one more bite of rice? 

         “Can you pass the rice please?”

         “Of course.” Tighnari handed off the bowl to her, and she thanked him, not even thinking as the words left her lips. 

         “Thanks dad.”  

          Silence, and she knew she had messed up. 

          "What did you call me?" Tighnari was staring at her, Cyno beside him, his spoon halfway to his mouth. She was going to die of embarrassment, she just knew it. 

          "I, well, I mean, it was just….I'm sorry!" Collei hid her face behind her hands, rice forgotten before her bowl. Maybe if she wished it enough, she could sink into the ground and not come out until she was eighteen.

          "No, no, you called Tighnari dad." Cyno pipped up, a frown on his face. This wasn't good, she had really crossed the line and made them uncomfortable!  

           "Why did you get called dad first?" Wait, was Cyno looking, what was it? He was disappointed. Genuinely, disappointed. Whereas, Tighnari on the other hand, was brimming with joy, if his bright smile and perked ears was any indication. 

           "Because dad just comes naturally to me dear, if anything you would be father." 

           "Father? No, no, that sounds too stiff. Maybe at work, but at home I could be dad too." 

           "What? No, you couldn't, that would be confusing. Besides, we need to teach proper grammar rules." 

            Was this seriously happening right now? Maybe if she snuck out now they would wear themselves out in their old married couple style bickering and forget this even happened.  

            "I don't see how that would be a problem." Collei’s chair creaked just a little, and she paused, watching the two debating the benefits versus cons of both being called dad. Collei sighed, brushing her hair back. She had started this mess, time to fix it. 

           "You two, please, I…i'm sorry but I can't call either of you dad." If she kept looking at the table then she wouldn't have to see their disappointed faces, right? 

            "I-I mean, I am so grateful for what you've done for me, and you're the best guardians I could ever dream of having, it's just." Her hand was on her dress knot, twisting it in her palm in her old nervous tic. 

            "I don't think I can call either of you dad on purpose. I want to, I just, the words won't come out right when I actually try and it reminds me of my old father and-" A gentle hand laid on hers, and she looked into the reassuring gaze of Tighnari. 

            "Collei, it's okay. I'm sorry for getting carried away. No matter what you call us, we will be your guardians, your family." 

             Right. He was right. She had to trust him, listen to his real words and not the insecurities that attacked her thoughts. Tighnari wouldn't lie to her, he and Cyno were the closest thing she had to fathers now, even if she couldn't say the word comfortably yet. 

            "Thank you, I want to call you two dads one day. But for now." She managed a weak smile.  

            "Let's hope I accidentally slip up more, yeah?" The men nodded, Cyno pipping up for the last word. 

            "Yes, but, next time try to slip up and call me dad first, alright? If you don't, I'm gonna keep calling you sprout." Ah, yes, that nickname she pretended to hate but secretly loved to hear. 

            "I make no promises, so I guess you'll just have to keep calling me sprout." What was she doing, she might as well be begging for the nickname! Her cheeks flushed as Cyno lightly ruffled her hair. 

            "You got it, sprout." 

                                                                                                                                            *******

            Early morning in the jungle was a false calm. Things were quiet, and peaceful on the surface, but just underneath everything was getting ready for the day. The tigers were starting to roll their muscles, stretch their limbs, shake off the long night and prepare for the day's hunt. Other animals were preparing to avoid being the hunted . The birds were seeking shelter, the shrews scurrying into their holes. As for them, well, she was preparing to be a mature young lady. All she had to do was take care of the house for a few days, and they would see she was responsible. Maybe then Tighnari would give her more responsibilities as her training for forest watchers. 

            It was true, the disease had progressed over the years. No longer did she have just the scales and skin issues, but now the neurological symptoms were starting to rear their ugly head. She would feel a tingle in her fingertips, and it would feel like her body was not her own. It wouldn't obey her commands, and she would drop things, or lose her grip. 

           She refused to let this stop her. She was going to be a forest watcher, no matter what, and she knew that despite his reservation, Tighnari wanted that as well. All she had to do now was soothe some of his worries, prove to him that she was in control of her elezar, not the other way around. 

           "Do you guys have everything you need?" She peered into the men's bags, checking them for food rations, a compass, water canisters, and other critical items. 

          "I should be asking that of you Collei. There's food in the pantry, Marion is aware that we are leaving so if you have any issues let her know, lets see." Collei pipped in them, handing Tighnari his bag. 

          "The forest watchers have a list of duties in the living room, my list is in my room. There's extra water in the vase out back, and firewood is stacked by the back door. I'm fine, really! You're going to miss the meeting at this rate!" She smiled, Cyno beside her placing his arms in his own backpack. 

          "She's right dad , we should go or else risk losing sunlight." Finally, Tighnari was putting on his pack and getting ready to leave. 

          "You're not going to let that go, are you Cyno?" Beside him Cyno held a witty smile. Collei did her best to subtly shuffle them out of the door, holding the door as they stepped out into the sunshine. 

           "Nope. Then again, how does your back feel, now that you're officially old Tighnari." She chuckled, waving at them as they started down the path, Tighnari and Cyno turning to wave goodbye before continuing their bickering. 

           "They're the oldest young men I think I've ever seen." Collei looked beside her, smiling when she saw Marion with Amir on her hip. The toddler was contently sleeping on her shoulder, soft cheeks scrunched up against his mothers chest. 

           "You should try living with them." Marion chuckled, then handed her a small bag. The burlap crinkled slightly in her hand, and it smelled of thick rose. 

           "There's the Sumeru roses I promised Tighnari, already dried and crushed, ready for his medicine. Collei, let me know if you need anything, okay sweetie?" She nodded, another adult checking in on her, another person she would prove her maturity to. 

           "I will, but really I'll be fine. It's no big deal!" Marion quirked an eyebrow at that, but nodded, shifting the sleeping Amir on her hip. 

           "Alright then, just remember I'm right down the bridge." She waved to her, and began walking off to the bridge. Over her shoulder Amir stirred, he looked bewildered, but then waved a small hand to Collei. She waved back, and shut the door. 

           Time to work. 

                                                                                                                     ******

           Turns out that having the house to yourself, with no noise to tune out the environment, it was a lot harder to focus. Or at least, that was how it was for her. Homework was out of the question, maybe later she could go outside to the village center (a small section of tables someone set up in front of the only food cart in town), to have some noise to study with. For now though, she would focus on the housework. She brought in the firewood, stoked the fire, baked some pita bread for the next few days, swept and tided her room. 

           By this time, it was only noon, and all that was left to do for the day was homework. 

           Fantastic. 

           Collei sat down at the kitchen table, allowing the natural sunlight to illuminate her parchment and quill, and began to work on her writing. Sentences formed from the quill, slow and steady, but they formed nonetheless. She had to reference Tighnari’s dictionary for the spelling of several words, but by the end of an hour's work she had a decent letter written to Lisa back in Mondstat. Her and Jean occasionally checked in on her as well, so it was only polite to send them an update about her life. 

           Next came the math, which to no one's surprise, was a lot harder when you didn’t have a human abacus like Cyno to ask questions. Still she managed to fill out her sheet of simple algebra. A quick glance told her that the sunlight would be fading in an hour or so, and so she rose, stretching. Time for a quick walk before the last of the sunlight faded. 

          The trails that were once so confusing and wild were now familiar and well worn. The air was thick with humidity, but also fresh with the scent of the flowers blooming. Since you never knew when you needed it, she grabbed her backpack with the few essentials she always brought with her on the trails. Her bow and arrow, some water, a wrapped pita pocket, a journal and charcoal pencil, and a small first aid kit. 

           Her walk only lasted a few miles at the most, but by the time that she had made it back to the village, light was dimming, and a commotion had come over the usually sleep dwelling. The forest watchers as well as some villagers were gathered in front of her home, and in the midst stood a familiar figure, a now empty backpack tossed beside her legs. 

            “Marion? What's wrong?” 

             The woman looked to her, her face red and blotchy, and her heart dropped. 

             “Where is Amir….Guys, where is Amir.” Only grim faces from her senior forest watchers met her gaze. 

             “ No. ”

             Ashpazi and Rana exchanged glances, until Rana finally broke the horrible silence. 

            “He went missing about an hour ago. Marion was working, and he wandered off by himself. He isn’t in the village, we looked everywhere and he is nowhere to be found.”

            “He can’t be in the forest, he-” A quick glance to Marion made her voice falter and fade away. 

            “We need to find him!” Ashpazi nodded, handing her a small map with a circled area of the forest; the fact that it was the one closest to the village didn’t escape her notice. 

            “We are organizing a search part, and we are all splitting up to try and cover more ground. We need you to search this area here, and the rest of us will be searching the areas around the village and into the forest as well. He can’t have gone far, but we are losing daylight.” 

             No one needed to tell her the dangers of being out in the forest after dark. 

           This was her chance to show that she was just as helpful as the older kids in the apprenticeship program, elezar or not. 

           “Understood. I will begin right away!” For once, Rana didn’t remind her to not rush off, or to “take it easy.” Somehow that made this whole situation even worse. Normal rules didn’t apply, normal pleasantries did not apply. Was this how Tighnari and Cyno felt when she  ran away, all that time ago?

            “Good, come back in a few hours if you haven't found anything, we plan for everyone to search in shifts, to allow fresh eyes on the scene. Without Cyno here to track it's going to be harder to find Amir. Time is of the essence.” 

            No more time to wait, or ponder. No more dusty papers and spilled ink. This was where she could be truly helpful. She might not have her guardians skills, but she still had all those years of survival under her belt. She was going to find Amir, and that was that. 

            Her circle of the forest, while right next to the village, was still extensive. In all it encompassed a three to four mile radius around the standard entrance to the village, but even one mile would have been a lot of land to cover in the thick brush of the rainforest. Especially when your target was a barely three and a half foot tall toddler with a penchant for getting himself into places he was not supposed to enter. 

           Working methodically, she made her way across the bridge that linked the town to the heart of the forest, calling out Amir's name and waiting a few seconds for a response. In the distance she could hear her fellow forest rangers/ watchers doing the same. Behind her, was the strained voice of Marion, her high yell reaching across the forest as she called out for her lost baby. Collei allowed the voices to wash over her and drowned them out, focusing instead on the sounds in her own circle of the search radius. 

           The creak of insects, snapping of branches as birds settled down into nests or launched into the air for the night's hunt, the roll of thunder in the distance. 

           Collei’s lips pursed at that last sound, rain would make this situation even harder, and would no doubt hinder everyone’s speed. Plus, the search and rescue dogs would have no way to sniff the trail of Amir.

            Work faster, she had to work faster. Faster or else this child would be lost to the forest forever. 

            The rain held off for only ten minutes more before the sky split above them and rain began to pelt down in a thick curtain that blocked out the last remaining daylight, as sudden as if blowing out a candle. The sounds of the forest around her were muffled as well, she could no longer hear the others' calls, and any animals out here would have a distinct advantage. Still, she pressed on into the night. 

            She was long past the time she was supposed to return for her shift, when she finally got her first clue. 

            A small shoe, scuffed with mud, laid abandoned in the trail, its sole sitting up to the rain clouds above. 

           “Amir must have kicked it off to run faster.” She muttered to herself, crouching down to examine the evidence. Her head turned to scan around her, the clearing was small for a person of her size, but on the edges she could almost see a small path, nearly reclaimed by the forest. 

           “That’s it.” Collei stood, ignoring the small pulses of light that flashed before her eyes as she stood too fast for her bodies liking. A small rumble of her stomach told her she had missed dinner, and her hand reached into her pouch, finding the pita pocket she had stuffed in there before her walk. It began to get soggy the second it left her bag, but that didn’t stop her from unwrapping the meal. 

            She ate this as she followed the tiny trail of stomped weeds, it wouldn’t help for the searcher to pass out, not when she was so close to finding Amir. Her ears were tuned to the sound of anything human in the forest, and thankfully her efforts were rewarded. Distantly, amidst the thunder and rain she could hear a soft whining, and then as she got closer, sobs. 

             “Amir! Amir, it’s Collei! Wait right where you are, I am coming for you!” 

             More sobs this time, but he obeyed her orders as the sound didn’t change directions. She had to think of something to calm his nerves. 

             A game, she needed a game. 

            “Amir! Marco!”

             The air was quiet, but then a soft voice hoarse called to her, allowing her to pinpoint the direction she had to head. 

             “Polo.” 

             “Good job Amir! Marco!”

              She continued this call and response game, until finally, in the distance she saw the slicked down black hair of Amir, huddled under a tree. He had apparently tried to cover himself under the leaves to escape the rain, but there was no shelter from a rainfall this heavy. 

               “Amir!” Collei ran the last remaining steps to his side, scooping the child up into her arms and hugging him close, rubbing his back. Her own comfort would have to be pushed aside, he needed someone to hold him, not just for comfort but for warmth. He had easily been out here for two or three hours, and needed any warmth she could provide.

               Relief coursed through her as she held the sobbing toddler. She had done it, Amir was found, safe and sound. Cold and scared perhaps, but with no injuries that she could see. Marion would not have to mourn a lost child, claimed by the forest. 

               “Amir! Why did you leave the village, your momma?” The toddler cried as he tucked his face into her shoulder, soft puffs on her arm, was his forehead always this warm? Amir finally responded to her question, distracting her from her assessment. 

               “I was looking for Ara-arn-ara-” Collei sat down with him on her lap, there was no way she could get him back in this rain, when she felt his head it was warm, and she worried about causing a true fever to break out by walking an hour in the rain. Marion and everyone else would have to wait just a little longer. 

               “An aranara? Amir, anytime you want to try to find one of them, just ask me, I would have gone with you!” She didn’t believe in those creatures, only the children of Sumeru believed in those forest creatures. Still, it was much preferable to play make believe in the forest than to be sat here, exhausted after the tense search through the woods, and now stuck in a rainstorm. 

               “I’m sorry Ms. Collei.” Amir’s voice was meek, his head tucked in shame into her shoulder. 

               “Amir, your mom was very worried about you! I-” No, it was no use to scold Amir. he was just a little kid, and what's more, it was clear he had learned his lesson. 

               “Just hold tight Amir, everything will be okay, you’ll see! You and I are just going to, eh, camp here for the night, okay?” Optimism didn’t come naturally to her, but it was convincing enough for the toddler. 

              A small nod, and Collei shifted into a position that was at least somewhat comfortable for the two of them, with Amir on her stomach as she wrapped her cloak across them both, propped up against the tree trunk. It wasn’t her bed back home, but she had slept in far worse. 

              Everything was quiet then, Amir sleeping on her as she kept guard. With the rain above it was impossible to tell time by the night sky, and so she passed an hour, or perhaps two, in her own thoughts. 

              Earlier when she called Tighnari dad, it was such a natural slip. It felt like the words popped out of her mouth, like it was just waiting to be released. She thought that saying it out loud, those feelings she had just started to recognize within herself would be embarrassing, but no. Instead, they made her laugh, and like true parents, teased her just a little. They really were weird, and the image of Cynos pretend disappointed expression brought a smile to her face. 

              Her dads really were weirdos, but they were her weird dads. 

              “Ms. Collei?” Shifting brought the present back into focus, and she looked down at Amir, who had his head turned to the side, looking into the forest beyond. 

              “What is it Amir? It’s late, you should be asleep.” 

              “Bad animal.” Collei’s head whipped to the side, eyes widening at the dim outline of something large, and slowly stalking. 

               It wasn’t alone. 

               “Amir, get down now. Stay behind me, okay?” The boy did as asked, a pale and shivering hand went to her bow, silently pulling an arrow out of her quiver, and locking it into place on the bow's string. For a moment, all was silent, the rain thick, droplets threatening to cloud her vision, but she kept her string taut, even as the shadows behind the first creature began to multiply. 

                It only took her a second to release the first arrow when the creature stepped forward, sniffing the air. Her aim was true, the beast falling into the mud before them. Its pack howled in protest, and Collei hastily reloaded her bow, firing shot after shot as the shadows began to circle them, advancing on all angles. 

               “AMIR! Run!” She couldn’t attack all of the creatures at once, and already they were tightening the circle around her and Amir, what's more, she only had a limited number of arrows. The rain and darkness didn’t allow her to see how many beasts there truly were, but a sinking feeling told her the quiver was not holding enough for all of them, even if she didn’t miss a single shot. 

              “NO! NO, NO NO!” Amir latched himself to her leg, burying his face into her hip as she continued to aim and shot at the shadows surrounding them. 

               Protect Amir, she had to protect him!

               He was so young, he had people that loved him, she had to return him to his mother, she would miss him dearly. 

              Tighnari, Cyno, her fathers. They would miss her as well. 

              She would be missed, she was just as loved as Amir, they would miss her if she fell to a beast tonight. 

              Collei couldn’t leave them, she wanted to be a forest watcher, she wanted to protect Amir, she wanted to improve her reading and writing, she wanted to see Amber again, she wanted to make friends . 

              Shadows close behind her now, beside her, in front of her, how could she ever fend them all off at once?! Amir was sobbing now, his cries filling the air in between the snap of her bow. She wished she could comfort him, show him that everything was going to be okay. It was absurd, to be thinking of this during the danger she was in, but her mind flashed to the green stuffed cat Cyno had bought her, Cuilein-Anbar. It rested on her vanity now, a faint reminder of her first days in the village. 

               The creatures were within arms reach now, any moment now they would strike, her hand flew to her quiver, and came back empty. 

               She was out of arrows. 

                In a last moment of desperation, Collei threw her backpack at the closest creature, shouting to be heard over the wind and rain. 

                “GO AWAY!”

                 In the dim light that teased of morning, she could see something roll out of her bag, something she was positive she had not packed. 

                  “Cuilein-Anbar?” Was all she managed to whisper before the bright green cat burst into an explosion of light, flashes of green and yellow burning her eyes, and making her look away. She could hear groans around her, and panicked howling as quick steps ran on all sides. When she had finally blinked the spots from her eyes, they were alone, the creatures gone, as was the thing that was most certainly not her real Cuilein-Anbar. 

                    No, all that was left of that small doll that had slain the beasts and scared away the rest, was a dimly glowing vision, the dendro symbol staring up through the mud of the forest floor. 

                                                                                                                                                  *****

                  “COLLEI? AMIR?!”

                  Collei startled awake, wincing as she tried to open her stiff hand. Her hand had clutched her new vision all night, scared to let it out of her sight, lest it have all been a dream. 

                  But no, a dim green glow coming from her clenched fist told her that the impossible was true. 

                  She, Collei, had been awarded a vision. 

                  “Collei?! Collei?!”

                   Dad, he was here. She went to shout for him, but remembered the sleeping boy in her arms. Stiffly, she stood, Amir in one arm, her pack in the other. In the light of day she could see the dim outline left by the visions power, and the slain creatures it had left in its wake, as well as those contributed by her bow. 

                  “No, no, the residues power!” Tighnari must be seeing the first beast, he was only steps away from her, and with a smile, she called out, catching his attention with ease. 

                  “Dad!” Just as she expected, that worked exceedingly well, as he was in front of her within seconds. He went to shout, but she held a finger to her lips, gesturing with her chin to the small boy in her arms. 

                   “Collei, did you use-”

                    She shook her head, allowing her fist to unclench, the dim green catching his attention as much as anything she had to say. 

                    "Dad, I've become stronger! I won't let anyone's efforts go to waste — from now on, I'll protect everyone."

Chapter Text

              “Relax Collei, you’re too stiff to make a proper shot. Breathe, and then release the arrow when you have your eye fixed on the target.” 

               Easy for him to say, her dad happened to have foxlike eyesight, and seemed to have forgotten that trait was not universal when he set the target. Collei could barely see it through the foliage of the forest, and at this distance she very much doubted that she would be able to hit the target at all, much less a bullseye. 

                “Collei, don’t worry about being perfect. Just start firing and see where they land. Your vision will guide your hand.” Ah yes, that glowing green orb that hung loosely on the end of her belt, which so far in this training season, had been little to no help. 

                 Yes, she had a vision now. She was determined to be worthy of a vision, and she had used that vision to save herself and Amir. If she could do all of that, why was she worried about a little target? All she had to do was get it to actually activate. Like she had been doing for the past three hours. 

                 Maybe the 900dreth try was the charm. 

                 Collei widened her stance, relaxed her grip, and allowed the bow to snap, sending the arrow straight on through the forest. 

                 Straight into the tree right behind the target. 

                 “Ugggggh dad , why did you make it so hard?!”

                  Tighnari laughed at her distress, handing her another arrow from her quiver. 

                  “Maybe because someone told me they were ready to move forward and be, and I quote “at your right hand as a forest watcher already.” Now who could that have been?” His amused smile widened as she merely took the offered arrow, notched it into her bow, and took up her stance again. 

                  Both of her dads were excellent at using her own words against her. That’s what she got for being raised by people that actually listened to her. 

                  By the time she had let loose a quiver full of arrows at the impossible target, only one had made their mark, and she was fairly certain that one was pure dumb luck. 

                  Tighnari seemed to notice her frustration, and offered her the empty quiver. 

                  “Let’s collect the arrows and set the target closer, no sense in getting all worked up this early in your training.” 

                  Collei took the leather-bound quiver, smiling just a bit at all the small scratches she had made, either by dragging it around the jungle or by withdrawing arrows rapidly. 

                 “No, it’s okay, I can do this! Just a few more tries!” Maybe it was false optimism, but it made her feel better to wear a mask than to let him know how upset with herself she was truly getting. 

                   As always, Tighnari seemed to sense her mood slowly souring, but nodded. 

                   “It’s up to you Collei. We can keep going at this distance, or on the next quiver we can bring it in closer. We have time for maybe one or two more rounds.” 

                   Ah, it was already that time? Collei glanced up through the foliage, and could see a small sliver of the sky, and saw that the sun was indeed starting to sink down towards the west. Maybe an hour or so left before nightfall, and Cyno always hated it when they were late for dinner. Especially when dinner with Cyno finished with a game of TCG. She was ever so slowly learning the rules, even if she had yet to win a single round against her father yet. 

                  “Let me try one more time at this distance, I will get the vision to activate with the arrow, you’ll see!” 

                  They began to walk across the small trail to retrieve her lost arrows, she was already a decent shot in normal times so at least they would be grouped together. Unlike when she first began to learn how to shoot a bow, when her arrows seemed to be scattered across the entire range. 

                  “I have no doubt about that, Collei, but not everything needs to be mastered in one day, alright?” She nodded, but only half-listened. It was easy for him to say, both her dads had visions already and were well renowned. Cyno was feared for his sharp attacks, Tighnari was admired for his healing and quick aim. Both of them were amazing in their own right, and as for her?

                  So far she was the daughter of these two amazing men, who could barely read or write, and was laughable as a vision owner. The last time she had used the vision well was an utter fluke, when all she could think of was keeping Amir safe and returning to her parents, which was months ago at this point. 

                  Wait. 

                 “Dad, what helps you activate your vision?” 

                 By this time her quiver was full, and they began the trek back to the range, stepping cautiously over mud and well worn rocks. 

                “Let’s see, when I first started I wasn’t sure how to get it to work, not really. But I found that it helped to think about what was inspiring me that day, or the reason why I wanted to use my vision. If I wanted to use my vision to ward off an animal I would think of that. Over time it has become second nature, as much a part of me as my medical knowledge. Now it comes easy, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t take a lot of work and time to get to where I am today.” 

               Collei set down her quiver onto the packed dirt, withdrawing an arrow, spinning it around in her fingers. 

              “What if, I mean, we don’t know what we want? Or, rather, we want so many things we can’t focus on just one?” Her voice was soft as she focused on the glinting silver tip of her arrow. 

              “Then don’t focus too hard on the big picture. Focus on your current emotions, your determination, your current goal, and let the vision take care of the rest.” 

              Collei nodded, about to take her stance again before her dad spoke. 

              “You want to know why I wanted Dendro as my vision so badly?” Now that he mentioned it, he had a particular affinity for Dendro, but didn’t everyone in Sumeru?

              “Why?” Her eyebrows quirked up, waiting for the next lecture. 

              “I wanted to make a vine ladder to get to the tops of fruit trees faster.” 

              “I….No you did not.” 

              Tighnari laughed, and soon, she found herself chuckling along. 

              “I can assure you that I did, your father will even attest to that!”

              “Hmmm I think I'll pass dad, if we get him talking about your old school days again we may never get to eat dinner.” 

              Collei took up her bow again, feeling lighter, some of the pressure off of her chest. One perk of having a dad who was also a therapist. 

              “Fair enough. Now, Collei, focus on your aim, think of your current goal, and let the vision work.”

               Focus your aim, close your eye, steady your arms. 

               What did she even want?

               So many things. 

              She wanted to be good in school, she wanted to be worthy of this vision that glowed at her side, to make her fathers proud. To be like Amber, the kind of reliable person that made everyone else feel at ease just by being in the same room. The optimistic person that always said everything would be okay, and she meant it. 

              Most of all, she wanted to make this shot, and figure out everything else later. 

             The arrow released, and for a moment she was sure she had failed once again. 

             Small streaks of green flew from her vision, sparking along her arrow until finally it joined its mate, urging the arrow along in a green flash until when the glowing dimmed, she saw that her arrow was squarely in the center of the target. 

             A perfect bullseye. 

             “I did it…I actually did it!” Collei turned to Tighnari, fists clenched in excitement. 

             “Did you see that?!” 

             “Of course I did. Now we just have to make it consistent. This is a wonderful first step Collei. I am very proud of you.” 

             Proud of her? She rubbed her eyes on her sleeve, laughing. 

            “Don’t be getting all mushy on me dad, at least not until I can use this thing for real.” 

            “Mhm, of course dear. Now let’s finish that quiver so we can go eat some dinner, hmm?” 

                                                                                                                                  *****

             Different scents greeted them on the way across the bridge to their little home. Panipuri, roasted lamb, naan. It was almost like Cyno was preparing a feast, not a Thursday night dinner. 

             “Welcome home, how did you guys do?” Cyno greeted them at the door, giving Tighnari a small kiss on the cheek, but blocking her from the door. 

             “We did well. I used my vision for two of the arrows!” Collei tried to move past the hulking mass that was her father, but he refused to budge. 

             “Mhm, I see, What's the rule for getting into the house?” Collei groaned, knowing exactly what he was going on about. If only the people of Sumeru could see their general acting so ridiculous, then maybe people wouldn’t be so scared of him. 

              Maybe. 

              The rule was actually Tighnari’s idea as a way of getting her confidence up, but Cyno of course took to it with military passion, and made it a rule before she could enter the house. 

               “I did well today, I am not stupid, and I have two wonderful dads.” The last part he had insisted be included, because of course he did. 

               “Good job sprout. Come on in.” Cyno finally let her pass, but what she found was not a warm meal waiting for them, and her dad already at the table. 

                Instead, some of the other Forest rangers and watchers were at the table, and it was laden down with food. Panipuri as her nose had told her, as well as roasted lamb, but there was so much more. Pita pockets, baklava, rose pudding, tandoori roast chicken (did they even own a tandoori?), mint tea and fresh fruit juices. There was no way he had made all of this food by himself, and when she peeked into the kitchen she could see Marion, filling up a platter with fresh cut fruit. 

                “I…What is, I mean-” 

                “ Surprise!”

                The crowd's excited shout made her jump back, but her father was there to steady her. Tighari chuckled a bit, gesturing for her to come further into the room and to sit down at her usual spot on the table. 

               The table was filled with the crowd, and there was even a kids table, where she could see Amir happily drawing in what looked like Tighnari’s journal. 

               That was an issue for later. 

               “What are you all doing here?” 

                Well, it wasn’t her birthday, of that she was certain. She didn’t know when her exact birthday was, but they had narrowed down the season, and this was the middle of fall, nowhere close to the spring date they had picked as her birthday. 

                “It’s a special anniversary!” She glanced at her parents, but Tighnari waved her off. 

               “This isn’t for us. This is for you Collei. This is the day you came to us all those years ago.” 

                That’s right. Has it already been over four years ago? It felt like so long ago, and yet every memory was fresh upon her mind. Being so scared, so distrustful, but the men she thought to be so strange were patient and kind. Saving her when she ran away from their care, holding her through the nightmares and sickness. They didn’t know how to be dads at first, Collei remembered with a cringe at the way Cyno carried her under her armpits like a cat when she got sick. 

                They learned though, and they were so patient with her, soothing- 

               “Collei, there is another reason why this one is a bigger celebration than usual.” Maybe it was the crowd, or maybe it was the envelope he was holding, but Cyno was back to being professional. 

                He slid her the envelope, and let her open it, the crowd watching with eager eyes, her dads, Marion, even Amir was distracted from his vandalism. 

               Collei slid open the paper, took a deep breath to settle her nerves, and began to read outloud, slow and steady, just like Tighnari taught her. 

              “This certificate is to asc-ascertain that-” her eyes brushed over the rest of the words to try and figure out what was coming next, but she couldn’t speak, not when one word caught her attention. 

               “A….Adoption?” 

               The paper fell from her hands as clapping began around the room, but she couldn't focus on the clapping, instead she looked to her dads. 

              “Sorry to surprise you like this sprout, but we figured a celebration was in order.” Cyno began, Tighnari clasping his hand on the table as he continued. 

             “Cyno and I have already signed, all that is left is your signature Collei. If you don’t want to sign right now, we understand, it changes nothing and-” 

              Collei laughed, tears welling up and voice choked as she interrupted what she was sure to be another heartfelt but long winded speech from her dad. 

             “Where’s the pen?” 

              The ink she once loathed now cemented her place in this little village, this little home. She had been their daughter for a long time now, but in the eyes of the Akademyia she was just a lost orphan. 

              That wasn’t the case anymore. She was loved by her dads, they were a family , and she had the paperwork to prove it to the entirety of Sumeru. 

             Her hand shook as she did her best to write her name in neat and tidy cursive, to at least somewhat match the signatures of her dads. When she was done and the paper fully signed, the gathered crowd began to clap again, Tighnari and Cyno coming to her chair to give her a short hug on each side. 

             In that moment, everything felt whole, and just so… Right.

            Collei, daughter to Tighnari and Cyno. 

             It was perfect. 

             The celebration lasted long into the night, with food being passed around the table in a continuous circle, everyone eating their fill of Cyno and Marion's cooking. By the time the party had died down, she was stuffed beyond belief, Amir crashed on the couch hugging a pillow, and it was safe to say that everyone was ready for a good night's rest. 

             They passed their goodbyes to everyone as the small house finally emptied out, until it was just the three of them. Tighnaru shut the door, stretching out as he turned to face her and his husband. 

             “Well, I don’t think anyone is going to be getting up early tomorrow morning, hmm? We can have an overnight trip to Sumeru city, to finalize the paperwork for the adoption.” 

              Trips to the city always made her a bit nervous, what with there being so many people around, but this was for an important event. The thought of seeing those papers get notarized and filed was oddly exciting. 

              “I’m going too!”

              Cyno glanced over at her, head tilted just a bit. 

              “Are you sure Collei? The city is packed this time of the year, it's the Subzeru festival, and the Akademyia will be welcoming all of the international students.” 

              “I’m sure, I want to be there when everything is made official! Besides, I need practice in large crowds anyway, right?” 

               Tighnari’s ears twitched as he thought, but then nodded. 

               “Alright, as long as you are certain Collei. It wouldn’t be fair to leave you behind for something that concerns you. Pack a light bag, we will travel tomorrow when we all wake up, and we will spend the night in the city.” 

                A night out in the city, just two days there and everything would be finalized. 

                She could hardly wait. 

                                                                                                                        ********

                Well, her dads weren’t kidding when they said that the city would be packed. It felt as if every inch of the streets were brushing with peddlers, carts, goods, travelers, tourists, and students from the imposing Akadymia that sat at the very top of the tree that made up the city. 

                Collei found herself struggling to not get bumped every which way as they made their way through tunnels under the roots of the great tree, through the marketplace, and starting up the ramp to the city center, where the records would be held. Through the market she saw the festival her father had mentioned being set up, and made a mental note to ask if they could stop by when they were done at the notary. 

                The sight of games being set up, carts of food, and fresh flowers in large vases all around brought back the memory of Amber, and the Windblume festival of Mondstat. The aesthetics were of course different, but the festival atmosphere was universal, and contagious. Here the bumping and even the crowd felt friendlier, happier, a byproduct of people being excited and trying to enjoy themselves in the vast market place. 

                 The trio broke through the crowd at last, and finally came upon the one area in the city where they could walk side by side instead of single file, the winding path that led to the Akademyia proper. As they walked the slope she noticed a stern looking man in crisp green robes walking down the path with an even sterner woman trailing behind, and made a mental note not to get in their way while in the city. Something about the pair was intensely off putting, even though she couldn’t quite place her finger on why. 

                “Collei, keep up please!” Tighnari called, her dads were already several steps ahead of her on the path, her feet having slowed as she watched the odd pair. 

                “Sorry dad!” She jogged to catch up with them, and they matched her pace as they walked the rest of the way to the notary office. 

                The notary office was everything that she had expected it to be, which was to say that it was incredibly stuffy, smelling of old books and dust. Only the sound of quills scratching paper and soft chatter as officials chatted amongst themselves disturbed the disconcerting quiet. Ahead of the door was a long line of people in various clothes, students from the Akadeymia, farmers, merchants, sailors and then there was their small trio, at the very back of the line. A small cough resounded across the space as the line shuffled up a few feet, and a few newcomers shuffled in behind them. 

               Now they were an inch further into the building. 

               This was going to take forever. 

                                                                                                                                    *******

               If she had been smart she would have brought some homework to work on while in the line, embroidery, or even a book to try and read. She was willing to read a book, and it was then that she realized how dreadfully boring this place really was. Her feet hurt from standing in line, and the official atmosphere seemed to stifle her, making her skin itch as she could feel eyes upon her, watching her every move, disapproval from some, pity from others. 

               She should have worn longer sleeves, something to hide her elezar, something to hide herself away, what if the notary took one look at her and decided she wasn’t worthy of being their daughter, of being in this family? Her dads didn’t seem bothered by the building, they didn’t look like they wanted to run out screaming at every quill scratch, or official voice asking the next person to step forwards. The longer she stood here, the more her unease built, until she felt as if she would burst. 

               That was when a hand clasped onto her shoulder, and she jumped. 

               “Dad! Don’t scare me like that!” She whispered, frowning at Cyno as he slipped his hand into his pocket, whispering back to her. 

               “Sorry sprout. I just thought you might be getting bored. This line is going to take a while, so go back down to the market and get some fresh air.” She wanted to protest, to show that she was fine standing in an unbearably long line where the very atmosphere made her feel trapped and scrutinized. 

               She had to get out of here. 

               Cyno withdrew his wallet, and handed her a small stack of mora, the sound of clinking coins disturbing the thin quiet. An elderly sage glared at them from over his paperwork, but quickly looked away as soon as Cyno turned his gaze upon him. 

              “Hmph. Anyway, go get some fresh air and a snack. We will still be waiting in this line by the time you get back, I’m sure of that.” He looked ahead at the line, and took out a few more coins, handing these over, and making sure they clinked loud enough for that sage to hear. 

               “Buy us all one of those flower crowns, we are going to try and get some kamera photos when this is done. Tighnari refused when I offered the idea, he’s kamera shy, but he will do anything for you.” 

               Collei chuckled, already feeling lighter at the prospect of a brisk walk down to the market, a light snack, and then surprising Tighnari with the crowns. 

              “Alright dad, I'll be right back.” 

              “And we will be right here sprout.”

               Collei stepped out of the line, walking past the line of people that had grown behind them while they were waiting. The second she stepped out into the bright sunshine she felt better, the disconnect of her mind ebbing as she grounded herself in the nature around her. How she would make it in college she had no idea, and she still had a long way to go before that was even an option anyway. 

              Still, this was where her dads went, where they met. Maybe, one day, she would make it here as well. For now though, she wanted to join the festivities. 

             The market was still filled to the brim with people, Collei being bumped and jostled as she tried to make her way to the snack cart she had noticed earlier. It was a candy cart, with a man wearing a costume of flowers, and this was where she made her first stop. Turned out this was more of a guessing game, where you could either get good or bad flavors. She guessed correctly on her first try and got sunsettia candy, and decided to stop there, before her luck ran out. Further into the market, the main stage was still being set up for the dancers, and so she decided to go ahead and grab a snack and the flower crowns. She could catch a few minutes of the show before she had to return to the notary. 

              A crown of vines and ivy for Tighnari, one made of delicate desert blooms for Cyno, and a purple crown of Sumeru roses for herself. It seemed only fitting. She held these delicately in her hand, the other popping candy as she tried to make her way to the other food cart she noticed on the other side of the marketplace. 

              That was when everything went wrong. 

              A commotion came upon the stage, and her attention was jerked to the front as the stern pair she saw from earlier began to berate the main dancer, a red haired girl in a flowing white dress. It was hard to catch all of the information over the crowd's clamor, and from her spot in the back of the crowd, but it was clear that the sage was none too pleased with the festivities. Amidst the chaos of the crowd yelling at the sage, the appearance of some armed guards, and even a glimpse of who she could almost swear was Paimon and the Traveler, she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

              Collei went to turn, hopeful that it was somehow her father, there to deliver her from this insane scene. 

              No, no that wasn’t right. 

              The hand gripped her hard, too hard, forcing her head to stay forwards as a face slithered to her ear, whispering above the chaos. The warm breath made her flinch, until she could take in the meaning of the words spoken. 

               “If you want your parents to live then you will come with me, and quietly.” No, this couldn’t be true. Her knees trembled, her body froze, all but one of her crowns sliding from her grasp. Distantly, she could see them being trampled on as the crowd around her was ushered out by the armed men, people were shouting, and somehow the voice that terrified her was the one whispering, barely loud enough to be heard. 

               “It's so nice to see you again, subject 8205, or should I say, Collei.” 

Chapter Text

               Coarse sand covered her lip, her eyes, her face. Moving her mouth she could feel its grit beneath her teeth. She stirred awake, feeling a familiar bare metal frame of a cot with its too thin mattress, her mouth was dry. Her dress is gone…Where did her dress go? The one her father made for her, where was it? All she had on was a hospital gown. No, no, this wasn’t right, she had to find that dress, it was special to her, it was handmade she-

               “Ah, finally awake?” 

                Collei’s head jerked to the soft voice, heart throbbing as she registered the woman stood in the doorway, holding a glass of water. She wore a clean white dress, a Fatui insignia on her lapel. 

                She was going to be sick. 

                 The woman crossed the distance and helped her to sit up, a small smile on her face as she tutted over her pale skin, and elezar. 

                  “Oh dear, oh dear. You do need some medicine, don’t you? Here, drink this water, I'm sure your mouth is dry from all this sand.” 

                   She was, her mouth was so dry from this sand, but she knew far better than to accept the glass. Collei kept her lips stubbornly pressed tight, even as the woman tried to coax her into drinking the water, voice laden with concern. After several attempts to get her to drink the water, the woman's eyes sharpened, the transformation would have been startling if she hadn’t been expecting this all along. 

                  “Look here you spoiled brat, you will drink this water, do you hear me? This is all you are getting, so it's either this or die of thirst. Is that what you want, hmm?” 

                   No, no she didn't, but a much bigger part of her was terrified of what came after the water, when the sleeping medicine took hold and she would be once again strapped to the operating table. 

                    They would try to undo her fathers hard work, they would try to once again release the residue inside of her, and threaten the safety of everyone in this place, and more likely, kill her in the process. 

                    She knew their tricks, their false platitudes, their honey rich words to try and lull her into a sense of calm. 

                    She was older now, and she knew all of their tricks. She had escaped once, and she would do so again. 

                  Her dads would be-

                  Dads. 

                  Collei gasped, looking up at the nurse, who took this opportunity to try and force the glass to her lips. Collei struggled against her, pushing her hand away, splashing water all down her hospital gown. 

                  “No, No! My dads, where, no, the doctor! He- STOP!” Collei pushed with all her might, sending the nurse struggling backwards, the glass now empty. 

                 “Are my dads safe, he promised they would be safe!” 

                   The nurse growled, wiping down her clean white uniform, shaking her head. 

                   “No water for spoiled brats, looks like I will be needing the orderlies after all. And after I went through so much effort to be nice to you.” 

                    Fear coursed through her veins, those words sending her already restless heart pounding with adrenaline. Tears began to form, her voice choked as she pleaded with the woman in white. 

                    “N-no, i-i’m sorry! I-I’m sorry, please, I-I’ll drink it!”

                      “It’s too late for that dear, the water is all gone. You brought this on yourself , remember? I was going to be nice. Now look at what you made me do.” The woman called down the hallway, and within seconds the room was filled with people, other women in white gowns, but men in the uniforms of the Fatui, crisp blue uniforms that sent bile to the top of her throat. 

                        Her instincts once again took over, her arms wrapping around herself as she defended herself from the people crowding around her. They left no air in between as they crowded around her, ripping her arms off of her legs and holding her down on the bed, pressing onto her limbs with such force she felt as if a bone might snap. 

               Collei went to scream, to beg them to stop, but it was far too late for her words to reach anyone's ears. A man in that crisp blue uniform and a gloved hand pressed his hand to her mouth, and it was all she could do to breathe beneath the leather hand. Even with its suffocating weight, and those pressed on her limbs, she still struggled as she saw the original nurse withdraw a syringe, the metal tip gleaming in the dim light. 

                The woman went to her arm, rolling up her sleeve even as she fought, even though the more she struggled the harder they pressed her down to the bed. If her struggling was affecting the woman she made no sign, instead regarding her shoulder with clinical precision, holding the muscle in place as she injected her with medicine. Collei felt the initial sting of the syringe, and then the burning of the medicine and as it flowed through her muscle. The men continued to press down, but in only a few minutes her movements were slowing, her limbs slacking as the sedative took hold over her brain. 

                 When it was clear she had no fight left in her, they finally got off of her, Collei barely registering the weight that was lifted, the sedative making her limbs feel heavy, her head detached from the rest of her. 

                “I hope she’s worth all the trouble.” The woman chatted as she easily withdrew the needle from the syringe, and began to prepare other medicines. Collei’s body was heavy, she couldn’t move, but her eyes were still functional. The other nurses were helping, sliding her body over to a stretcher, strapping her down and throwing a coarse blanket over her body. 

                 “The Doctor said she’s the one that got the closest to our goal. Thank the archons we found her after all this time.” 

                 How did they find her? She couldn’t fall asleep, not now, she had to fight it, she had to stay awake . 

                 Wake up Collei. 

                 Wake up. 

                 Wake up subject 8205.

                 Collei’s eyes snapped open, at first blinded by the shining light that seemed to fall directly on her face. She winced and blinked the spots out of her eyes before taking in the rest of her surroundings. A slight tug confirmed what she knew would be true, that she was thoroughly strapped down and no amount of tugging would release these binds. On her left side was a small metal table, a sterile sheet draped over it, its surface holding various metal instruments. On her right was the man from her nightmares, a sneering face from beneath a white emotionless mask. 

             “Ah, good, you’re finally awake.” The Doctor hummed as he moved to her left side, examining the instruments on the table with exacting precision, like an artist doing a survey of his brushes. 

             “You gave my staff quite a hard time. Surely you have outgrown this phase by now? What are you now, fourteen? Fifteen?” He shrugged, rolling up his sleeves and moving now to a sink. There he began washing his hands, taking his time to scrub every inch of skin. 

              “Doesn’t matter. All that does matter is that we have a lot of catching up to do. You have been gone for quite a long time after all.” He turned then, holding his hands up as he dried them, discarding the towel into a small basket. He placed on some gloves, and began to walk back to the table. 

              Collei was still paralyzed, no amount of willpower was getting her muscles to do anything , her mouth sealed tight, her hands limp, nothing was working . She couldn’t move, no matter how much she cringed from the gloved hand as he caressed her cheek, a smile beaming from his mask. 

              “It’s been so long since I’ve had my best subject. I can’t wait to see how your power has blossomed.” It took all she had to not vomit, if she did so now she would choke, and never make it out of this hell.

               Home. 

              Think of home. 

              Think of her dads, they would be looking for her, her father was the General Martamatha and he wouldn’t let anything stand in his way, she knew he would tear this place apart to find her. 

              No matter what they did to her, she would be healed by her dad, he would fix whatever this place did to her. He was a real doctor, and he could heal any wound. 

              Tears began to roll down her cheek, her lip quivering as the doctor circled her like a vulture, she wanted to go home . 

              She was so scared. 

             She was so alone. 

              She wanted her dads . 

               A small sob broke through her lips, and the man in the room registered this, stopping him from connecting his first syringe to her skin. 

              “Oh? Where did all your bravado go subject 8205? Even as a little child you held it together better.” He chuckled, stabbing into her skin with a burning solution that made her whimper worse, hot tears flowing freely as he began to scrape the hardened scales off of her skin. She couldn’t move away from the pain but it burned . 

               Every inch of her burned, from the medicine, to the scraping, to the tearing of flesh as he collected scales. Her hand was covered in blood by the time he was done, and he had moved to a small fireplace where a scalpel sat waiting. 

                “Oh really now, stop your pitiful crying. It's pathetic .” The Doctor spat as he moved the glowing metal to her skin, cauterizing the skin to stop the bleeding, but in the process sending ripples of agony through her arm, she could swear she felt it all the way down to the bone, and the wrongness of not being able to jerk away from the pain that her body knew was hurting her was leaving her sick. Nausea once again threatened to overwhelm her, the stench of burning flesh filling the air. Just as she felt like it was never going to end, the scalpel was removed, and she had a moment's respite as he picked his next instrument. 

               “You know, I am so grateful to your dads. They delivered you to me after all.” 

                 Burning hot rage replaced the nausea that sat in her stomach, her eyes glaring down the doctor as he prepared his tools. How dare this monster speak of her dads like that, how dare he even begin to insinuate that they would ever hurt her like this. 

                   The man merely laughed, waving her off. 

                  “Mhm, I suppose I should have known that wouldn’t work on you, but it was worth a shot. Sure, your parent’s didn’t give you to me, but they might as well have. I shudder to think how long it would have taken to find you if they hadn’t come to the city for adoption paperwork! I mean really, how else were we supposed to know what you have been in that archon forsaken village this entire time.” 

                     No, he was lying again, he was bluffing, there was no way the Fatui had access to the cities records, there was-

                    “How kind of the sages to alert us, and even fund our research as well! I suppose they know our goals are closely aligned. You see, when you left I had to try and work with a new little puppet, but your departure set our research back tremulously, and it's been slow going with the new puppet. Now that you are back however, that will all speed up.” 

                      From within a small box his gloved hands withdrew a familiar beast, a snake made of dark flowing sand. 

                      “So, I suppose I should thank you.” He brought the snake up to her face, letting it hang over her wide eyes before forcing her jaw open, latex mixing with blood as he gently slid the snake down her throat as she choked.

                     “Thank you Collei.” 

                                                                                       **********

                      Time passed slowly in the desert, the darkness of the underground hospital never lending itself to telling time. It was hard to tell if she had been there for hours, days, weeks. The only marker Collei had to tell time by, was herself. 

                      The burns on her hand from the first cauterizing were healing into thick red scar tissue, her arms a palette of red scars, bruises from the orderlies, small tracks from needles delivered by the nurses. 

                       No one answered her questions about her dads, no one told her what day it was, or even what time it was. No one bothered to speak to her anymore. She was the problem child after all, and there was nothing they could say that she was not going to resist. Taunts about her appearance rolled off of her back, mocking the loss of her vision, her weakness, her intelligence. She knew these tactics well, and their crude delivery was easy to ignore. 

                        The Doctor however, was insidious. His comments burrowed under her skin, invaded her mind, attacked her very core. 

                        He thanked her for coming to him. 

                        He always reminded her that she agreed to this. 

                        Her dad’s practically delivered her to him. 

                         She was his puppet, his perfect experiment, subject 8205. 

                         Every day, Collei looked for an escape, but the drugs in the water and the food, the needles and the gaslighting from staff made it disorienting, it was hard to think, much less plan. 

                       It's been so long. 

                       Why weren't her dads here yet? 

                       Were they even okay? 

                      Did they forget about her? 

                      No no no no no. 

                      She couldn't let the Doctor invade her mind, she couldn't let him win her mind as well. Her body was his stolen property, to toy with, cut and scrape and stab and experiment. She was not letting him have control over her mind as well. 

                      “Wake up." 

                       Collei's eyes snapped open, instantly her fight or flight kicked in at the gruff voice of the orderly, but they were well aware of her tactics by now and had long since learned to strap her down before waking her up. She got them once though, she remembered with a bitter smile. Just once, but that was enough. 

                       Her bed was being wheeled down the hallway now, dim lights hanging overhead on the earthen ceiling, a bit of sand would rain down on them with each bump of the track to the operating room.  No one bothered to speak to her, to tell her what was being done to her today, but that was nothing new. 

                      Collei bent her neck, trying to stare sideways as they went through the hall, perhaps if she could just see another way out, she could plan her escape, she could- 

                      "Head forwards, how many times do we have to tell you this?" A rough slap forced her head back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Tears were threatening to form, but she refused to let them fall. Go ahead, slap her all they wanted, she wasn't going to show any more fear or desolation to these parasites. 

                       The lights became brighter as they approached the operating room, going from a sickly yellow to that bright white that left her eyes seeing spots as she was forced to stare up into the ceiling. Her bed was locked into place, and the room was emptied without another word from the orderlies. 

                      As always, she tested the straps of her bindings, and as always, they were secure. 

                     "Still trying that my dear?"

                      His taunts didn't warrant a response, and so she kept lips firmly pressed, glaring up into the face of the Doctor. 

                      He laughed. 

                     "There is that face! The one you wore all those years ago! Now you look like the subject I enjoyed so much." 

                       Her dads hard work. 

                        It was gone. 

                       “This calls for a celebration!" Leering smile from under the mask before he turned roughly away, scrubbing at the sink for an agonizing long period. She wanted to get this over with, this needed to be done already. Only, things didn’t go as they usually did. 

                      Something was wrong, she knew this as soon as the man called for assistance. 

                      He never had helpers, he never let anyone else in the room with his experiments. 

                     No, what was going on, this was different, this was-

                     “Unfortunately, you will need to be sedated for this one my dear subject. As much as I would like for you to be awake, even you would react to a vivisection."

                      Vivisection? What the hell was that ? 

                     “I have always wondered what holding the residue and the snake would do to your body, but I was worried about doing such an extensive surgery.” 

                      Surgery. 

                   Nurses were filing in now, scrubbing up and placing on gloves, one of them went to her side and began to prepare a strange milky white liquid, tapping her needle before starting to palpate her veins for the perfect spot to inject the mixture. 

                   What were they giving her? What did he mean by surgery?

                  She was always awake for his torment, and now he was going to put her to sleep? 

                    How bad was this going to be? Would she even make it out alive? 

                    Terror seized her, and despite her restraints and the commotion around her she tried to move, a rough hand stopping her arm. 

                 The nurse that was trying to give her an injection. 

                More people were working now, setting up equipment, laying out scalpels, bonesaws, and suture kits. The nurses went and draped her lower half with a sheet, her neck with that same sheet, and exposed her torso and chest. They began to mark down across her heart and stomach with thick black ink.  

                 He was going to dissect her alive. 

               “P-please….. Please. ” A low whine emerged from her lips like a trapped animal, her heart was beating against her chest, raw panic choking her words. 

                No one was listening to her, no one was helping her, they were going to let him do whatever he wished to her body, and no one would stop it. Still, the panic was overwhelming her, the fear turning her stomach, making her gag. 

               Beg. 

               Beg for mercy. 

               “ Please don’t let him do this to me. I don’t want to die”  

                The nurse paused, her head tilted as she regarded Collei’s trembling lip, deep wracking sobs from her throat. The woman gently tucked her hair behind her ear, and leaned in close, whispering only to her.

                  “If you’re lucky you’ll die on the operating table. Pray to the archons that you don’t wake up.” 

                    A sharp burning in her veins was the last thing Collei registered before darkness overcame her. 

Chapter Text

                At this rate, someone was going to be killed. Not that Tighnari particularly minded this idea, it was just that they needed the sage alive in order to get information on Collei. So far, they knew very little, and what little they did know came from a flustered Traveler and Paimon. The Traveler had been the one to fetch them, bursting into the notary office and dragging them away from the line, they were almost to the very front, but as soon as the Traveler muttered the words “Where’s Collei?” all thoughts of holding their place in line were gone. 

               They searched the bazaar, the theater, the streets, and the Traveler was right. 

                Collei was gone, from right under their noses, and what was worse, there was something else in the works here. The Traveler filled them in on what they knew, which was a disorienting mess of rambles about archons and dreams and their own locked away archon. The Traveler came to them to ask for advice, to check in with Collei, having feared that her eleazar was made by being in this endless cycle of dreams, much like Deyha’s employer. How were they to guess that her fate was even worse than what the Traveler first feared? 

               What any of them feared. 

               “ Cyno. ” Tighnari stared down at the man in his green robes, which were quickly getting stained with red blood gushing from a clearly broken nose. If  he was here as a doctor just a few years ago, he would be worried, and never would have allowed things to get physical in an argument. That was one of Tighnari’s goals as a doctor, to heal the masses.  

               Too bad for the sage however, because Tighnari was a father now. 

              “He can’t talk if he is choking on blood dear. The traveler thought he was the one in charge of this whole affair, so we need him to be.” Tighnari glanced at the man's busted nose, split lip and quickly blackening eye. 

              “Functional.” 

               Tighnari hunched down in front of the man, his head tilted to the side, ears twitching as he gazed over the man. If looks could kill, Tighnari and Cyno would have eviscerated this fool by now. 

               “Ah, I was right. Your heart is beating faster every time I mention the festival. You were the one on stage as well, when you made Nilou stop her dance, is that right?” Tighnari spoke calmly, cooly, keeping his emotions at bay for the moment.  The man refused to speak, but his heart did the talking for him. 

               “I see. So then, let me get this straight. You sent the entire city into a state of dreaming, and this cycle repeated, which we stepped into. You used this chance to take Collei away from us, while we kept dreaming over and over again that we were waiting to get the papers notarized.” 

               Idiots. 

              They never should have taken Collei to the city. 

              How could they think for even a moment that this was a good idea? 

              “ How long?” Cyno growled, leering over the man, fingers turning white as they gripped the polearm. 

              “W-weeks!” Finally, he was speaking, but the dread was sinking into him like a rock tossed in a pond. Tighnari was going to drown if he let his emotions control his next actions. Cyno, for all his usual composure, lacked that ability when it came to their daughter. 

              “Weeks….We have been trapped here for weeks ? Our child has been missing for weeks ?!” Tighnari shot to his feet, having to hold Cyno back. The man couldn’t speak with a broken jaw after all, and Cyno was aiming for his face with the full intent to drive it through the mans clenched teeth. 

               “Cyno, Cyno, calm down. Breathe. We will find her, okay?” He had to calm Cyno down, they had to think logically, strategically. Tighnari’s rage ran as deep as his husbands, but they had to hold it together. Tighnari pressed his forehead to Cynos, whispering what he hoped would be calming words. 

                “Our girl is smart Cyno. She is going to be surviving this, she is not lost forever. We will find her.” Tighnari’s words were strong, but his voice was anything but, trembling as he barely kept himself together. He withdrew, holding a warm hand against Cyno’s cheek. His thumb rubbed across his husband's cheek, catching the stray tear that had fallen. 

                “I swear.” 

                His husband momentarily calmed, Tighnari turned back to the sage. 

                “Who took her? Where did they take her, and why did they take her?” His voice strained, pitch rising as his patience wore thinner by the second. There was quiet once again, and from the corner the Traveler spoke up. Seemed like he was not the only one losing patience with the sages games. 

                 “I still think you should let me take him gliding .” As much as the idea of hurtling this pathetic traitor through the air was tempting, he had to resist. 

                 “Not yet, but don’t get rid of the idea.” 

                 “Yes sir.” The Traveler began to whisper to Paimon, who, despite her best efforts, was doing a very bad job of holding it together during this whole situation. The little fairy went between stages of trying to “rough up” the sage with minimal results, to crying and having to be comforted by the Traveler. 

                 “You insolent rats think I would destroy years of trust and preparation?” The sage sneered, his nose now having finally clotted off. 

                 “No, but you will do so eventually. Collei is our child and we will find her, no matter what.” Tighnari frowned, staring at the man. 

                 “You let her get kidnapped, but I still don’t know why. I can guess, but I would rather have you confirm my suspicions. We don’t have time to be chasing after false leads.” Cyno growled by Tighnari’s side. 

                Once again the man scoffed, and finally Tighnari stepped aside, letting Cyno face the man. Ozone scented the air as his husband activated his vision, the air crackling and humming with electricity. The hairs on his arms began to stand up as he gave the two a wide berth, the hand of justice becoming fully formed as Cyno stared down the sage, who had lost any sneer. 

                 If he wasn’t mistaken, tears were beginning to form. 

                 “ Where is our daughter?” The air cracked as the first shot of electricity flashed towards the sage, the man shuddering as it coursed through him and exited, leaving him coughing and gasping. Hair stood on end, and the sage sneered up at the two. 

                “I won’t tell you a word, I swear I will-”

                Another strike of ozone. 

                Another one. 

                The air was tinged with burning hair now.

                Much more, and the sage wouldn’t be able to breathe , much less speak. 

                The sage kept his mouth shut, low groans from behind clenched teeth as he twitched, the aftershocks of electricity activating his nerves. Cyno moved to raise his hand again, and the sage yelled out, terror tinging the once proud voice. 

               “Okay!” The sage coughed, gagging on bile, and then took a shuddering breath. 

               “Okay, I’ll talk! I’ll talk!” Cyno stared down at the man, who was crying now, basically groveling at his feet, small burn marks appearing on his robes.  

              “ Then talk.” The man began, stuttering at first, but slowly his voice evened as Cyno’s electricity waned. 

              “Il Dottore, the Doctor, told us long ago that she was the key to an old experiment.. They lost her long ago, but when we began working together we agreed that if we ever heard of her, we would send word to the Fatui. They were collaborating with us, helping us replace the useless Lesser Lord Kusanali. The least we could do was look for a girl who most likely died in the desert years ago!”

              The sage regarded Cyno wearily, as he leered over the man with each pause, as if daring him to stop talking. 

              “Only, her name showed up in the records all these years later. You applied for the adoption and after that her records were found. We made sure this was the right girl, and then sent word to the Fatui. They said they would handle the rest, and they did, that was the last I heard of this whole thing!”

             Tighnari’s ears twitched, a strained smile on his face. 

            “So, you discover her as we try to adopt her, and decide that you will betray a child to that bastard?” 

            He crossed the distance effortlessly, grabbing the man's robe and hauling him to his feet, staring into his eyes as he screamed. 

            “Do you have any idea what they did to her?! How many times she has sobbed in her sleep?! How much work it took for her to be able to be hugged or even touched  without her feeling fear? How long it took for her to trust anyone ? Did you not think for a second what they would do to her when they got her?!” Tighnari was point blank yelling in the sages face now, but he couldn’t care less. His emotions thus far had been in check, but now, now he was going to let them free.

           Every nerve in Tighnari’s body was on fire, adrenaline pounding through his veins as every instinct told him to protect his girl, to save her, to tear this man apart , the man who dared to send Collei right into the claws of the Fatui. 

           Right into the arms of that man who has tortured every sleeping moment since her escape. 

           “You would send a child to the same people who strapped her to a table, stabbed her with needles, mutilated her body, even as she begged for them to stop?!” Tighnari shoved the man away, allowing him to fall roughly on his ass. 

           “No, No .” Tighnari could hardly breathe, the pressure in his chest was too much, the rage combined with adrenaline making his head pound, heart beating out of his chest. 

           “You are going to pay, you are just as culpable , you-” 

            A familiar hand met Tighnari’s, and it was only then he realized that his hands on auto pilot had picked up the bow, green light already flowing from the tip of an arrow to his fingers. The Traveler shook their head, refusing to allow his hand to move, to aim at the sniveling man before him. 

            “That’s enough. We have what we need. Now we need to go find Collei, leave this man for later.” The Traveler’s voice was firm, underlying rage being barely kept in check. 

            Yes, that was right, they had the Traveler with them. The hero of Teyvat, the one who considered them their friend, who would help them find Collei. 

            As much as every bone in Tighnari’s body told him to raise the bow, take aim, and fire, his hands obeyed the words of his friend. 

            “...Okay.” 

                                                                                                                                  ********

             Cyno had lost his job, of that he was certain, but that didn’t matter. Any government that was willing to hurt anyone in its path was not one he wished to fight for. 

             He only wished he had found that blatant truth years ago, before he lost his daughter. 

             “Tighnari, take a break.”  Cyno loved his husband, but sometimes he could be the most stubborn man alive. Even more than himself, which was saying something. 

             “I’m fine Cyno, really, let’s just..” Tighnari’s voice trailed off, frustration evident, but mostly that overwhelming fatigue that came from the dry heat of the desert. How he thought he could lie to him after all these years later he had no idea. Cyno paused in front of a series of boulders that jutted out from the sand. 

             “No, we are stopping here to rest. You don’t do well in the desert, remember?” Already Tighnari’s tail was drooping, his ears pressed down on his head as sweat was rolling down his forehead. His constitution was simply not built for the desert, as they had found out years ago when they tried to visit Aaru village for their fifth anniversary. They had made it about halfway to the village before Tighnari passed out and Cyno ended up carrying him back to the forest. 

              When he woke up he had apologized for ruining their anniversary, but nothing was ruined. The trip was salvaged, and Cyno got a bit of teasing material out of the whole affair. 

              No, Tighnari hadn’t messed up anything that time, not like Cyno had messed up now. 

               The feared General Mahamatra? The hand of justice? The best polearm fighter this side of Liyue? All of the acclimations meant nothing to him now. Pride, fame, fear, none of it had helped his daughter. 

               People claimed that he was the strongest general that Sumeru had in a long time. 

               Yeah right. 

               If he was so great then how was Collei not by their side right now? How was he not teasing her, calling her sprout, watching her laugh and try to act annoyed like every other teenager being called nicknames by their parents. 

              Why had he brought up the paperwork to Tighnari? Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone? They were a family already, they didn’t need paperwork to prove anything to anyone. 

              But no, he had insisted they get the adoption paperwork. 

              It was his fault that their daughter was missing. 

              “Cyno? You need to eat something.” His gaze was directed above, where the floating Paimon hovered, anxiously holding out a sunsettia. 

              “I ehh…Picked it myself. I thought we might not get anymore fruit after we left the forest so I-”

              “Thank you Paimon.” He took the fruit, staring down at its orange skin, barely registering Paimon hovering down beside him near his seat on the rock. The fairy looked at him expectantly, and finally Cyno brought the fruit to his lips, taking a small bite. Sand mixed with juice, but he managed to swallow it down. Small bite after small bite, the fruit was polished off. Beside them he could see the traveler coaxing Tighnari into doing the same. 

               They had been walking for so long, Cyno’s only concern with finding Collei, or looking out for Tighnari, that it seemed the Traveler and Paimon felt as if they had to babysit. 

               “I’m sorry, for making you worry Paimon.” She shook her head, floating up to look him in the eyes. 

                “No, no, it’s okay! We are all worried about her. But, we will find her, right Traveler?” Paimon called, the person in question perking up at their title. 

               “Yes, we will. We have searched for a while, so we are making good progress.” 

                 False optimism did nothing to actually help their situation, and Cyno knew their true state. Without a solid lead about where the hospital was located, they were essentially left wandering the desert, looking for a hidden hospital in the middle of a massive desert littered with ruins and old buildings. It would take them forever to search even a few miles of this place, much less its entire expanse. What was worse, they didn’t even know for sure that Collei was here. It was equally as likely that the Fatui had closed up whatever research center and moved elsewhere. They had weeks to take Collei anywhere in Teyvat, for all they knew she was in Snezhnaya by now. 

                  No matter. 

                  However long it took, Cyno would never stop searching for his daughter. 

                                                                                                               *******

                   The heat was getting to him, sure, but that didn’t matter. Not when they had to find Collei. Who knew what they were doing to her this time, what kind of torments that bastard was making their daughter endure. 

                   What was worse of all, Tighnari knew that this was his fault. 

                   When Cyno came to him with the idea of getting the official paperwork, he had readily agreed. Never once did he think to change Collei’s name, to use a fake name to protect her identity. If he had just thought then Collei wouldn’t be in this situation, they wouldn’t be stuck wandering the desert trying to find anything even resembling a hospital. All of their wandering was never going to pay off, not without a solid lead in the right direction. He was about to suggest they head back to Aaru village to regroup, when Paimon shouted from her spot on the cliff ahead. She had flown off to do “reconnaissance” and they had let her, not really thinking much of it. 

                  Well, now he did. 

                  “What is it?!” Tighnari struggled to race through the sand to Paimon's side, the small fairy trying to squeeze herself into a crevice between two boulders. 

                  “Hey! Stop that! You’re going to get stuck!” He went to grab her ankles, to haul her back up before she really got herself stuck, when he heard a triumphant yell. 

                  “Got it!” Tighnari tugged on her leg then, the Traveler coming beside him, and together they got Paimon out. 

                  “You could have gotten yourself stuck!” Tighnari began, but Paimon cut him off with a single wave of her hand. 

                   In her hand, was a well worn, and achingly familiar green scarf, with a small dendro vision attached at its side. 

                   “Oh Archons …” Tighnari stared at the small vision, its light flickering slightly as he reached for it, a thumb running across the glass surface. 

                   “ Collei .”  He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe . 

                    How long had this been sitting here? Discarded down a crevice like trash? Her most prized possession, a gift from the Dendro Archon herself and these people have just tossed it aside like it was nothing . Tighnari gripped the vision to his chest, squeezing his eyes tight against the blinding sun, creeping anxiety forcing its way to the forefront of his mind. 

                    Would they discard his baby girl like they had done her vision? 

                   “Paimon, was there anything else?” A gentle hand squeezed Tighnari’s shoulder, and he opened his eyes and looked to Cyno, his form shielding him from the harsh sun. 

                   “No, nothing else Cyno. But, this is good, right? I mean, we know they went this way now, right? I mean, I-'' Paimon paused, looking over at him. Tighnari hastily looked away, but she had already noticed. 

                  “Tighnari, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Paimon floated over to him, hugging his arm. His hand went to her head, gently patting her in an effort to soothe. 

                  “No, no, it’s okay Paimon. I am so glad you found this, this will h-help tremendously.” 

                  Weak, he felt so weak. 

                  Tighnari stood, wiping sand off of his knees, and gently folded the cape. He made sure the cloth protected the thin glass of the vision, and then stuffed the whole thing into his satchel. He would keep it safe for her, when they found Collei she would want it back. For now though, he would keep it all safe. 

                   He wiped the last tear from his eyes, his back straight, jaw set. 

                  “Let's get back to it.”

                                                                                                                                  *********

                  Days spent wandering the desert finally paid off, Cyno noted as they made their way to a small oasis. They had tracked the elusive trail of the Fatui through sandstorms, off of the smallest of leads. Local eremites who noticed people matching the description would point out which path they took, a few small items around abandoned camp sites that seemed to belong back in Sneznyea. 

                  They used logic, only following paths that were close to waterways. Any other path would be dangerous, even for an army of the Fatui’s size and skill. The desert didn’t care who you were, and even Fatui needed water. That said, the desert was also wearing them down. They had the oasis for water, and all were skilled at hunting and cooking food. The journey itself, walking amidst the shifting sand was tiring, but nothing that their small group was not used to, as every one were adventurers of some sort. 

                 No, what was wearing them down the most was lack of morale. Days spent walking, searching, their last solid clue having been found over a week ago, it was hard to keep up hope in that situation. 

                 How long could Collei last? 

                 She was strong, and stubborn at times, but she was a child , even if she would protest that she was plenty mature for her age. 

                No, she was mature for her age, but no one deserved to live through the torment she described all those years ago. The nightmares she had that first year that sent her running to their room was enough to fill up a lifetime's worth of trauma and horror. 

                Now she was back, and she would be waiting for them, but they weren’t there. 

              “What are you thinking about?” Cyno jolted a bit, surprised by his husband's sudden remark. He held onto him, laying down in their tent for the night. Tighnari, as always was tucked into his arms, Cyno folded around him for warmth. He was quiet for a moment, kissing his husband's shoulder before choosing his next words carefully. 

              “The only thing I can think of lately.” 

              Tighnari nodded, a small huff sounded so sharp in the quiet desert night. 

             “I guess that was a stupid question for me to ask.” There was quiet for a moment, before Tighnari spoke again. 

             “How much longer can we keep this up? Cyno, we need to get more people involved, the desert is too massive to search alone.” 

              He had a good point, and Cyno wished they could do just that, but they both knew that was never an option to begin with. No one in the Akademiya would dare go against the Grand Sage, Cyno’s own men thought he was a traitor, and the people of the desert were far too wary of strangers to help. 

              “I just. Cyno, what…What if we don’t find her in time?

             “Don’t say that Tighnari. Just, don’t say that.” Tighnari shifted on their cot, turning to face him. 

              “I know, but Cyno, we are running out of time. You know this, and I know this.” His hand held his cheek, Cyno closing his eyes and letting its familiar warmth soothe him. 

              “I know. But I also know that I can’t stop searching. Even if we spend the rest of our days here.” His eyes still closed, he felt a gentle kiss against his lips. 

              “I know, and that’s why I love you Cyno.” No, he couldn’t accept his love, not now. Not when he had failed, not when he had cost them their daughter. 

             “Don’t say that.” Tighnari’s hand on his cheek tensed, and then retreated. 

              “I’m sorry?” Cyno’s eyes snapped open, and he sat up. 

              “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just…This is my fault.” Weeks of guilt threatened to overwhelm him, but he kept his face tight, a tight lipped mask. 

              “Cyno, how is this in any way your fault?” Tighnari was sitting up now, an arm across his back, holding his shoulder. 

              “I said we should adopt Collei officially. Without that paperwork they might never have found her.” He couldn't even keep the strain out of his voice. 

               Pathetic. 

              He was pathetic. 

              A flash of white, and Tighnari was gripping his hand. 

              “You stop it right now Cyno. Don’t start this. I feel guilty too, it's natural to feel guilty, but you don’t have to keep that burden to yourself. Believe me, I have spent everyday asking myself how I could have let this happen, but that doesn’t do anyone any favors.” 

               He was right, of course he was right, but Cyno couldn’t look him in the eyes, not now. Not yet. 

               No, he could only do so when he had succeeded in their mission. Tighnari waited for a response that would never come, then sighed, kissing Cyno’s cheek. 

                “Anytime you want to talk Cyno, just say the word. I love you.” Cyno nodded, but didn’t speak, he didn’t want to hear his voice choked and strained. Tighnari laid down again, soon settling down into sleep as Cyno sat upright, looking across their small pitched tent. Outside he could hear the howling wind, sending freezing air across the desert. Boiled during the day, and frozen in the night, that was the world they were traversing. 

                Well, there seemed to be no point in trying to sleep anymore tonight. 

                Cyno waited a moment, ensuring that Tighnari was in deep sleep before carefully untucking himself from the cot, carefully arranging the blanket over his husband's sleeping form. A peek outside the tent flap showed just the faintest shine of sunlight, the others would wake soon enough anyway. Cyno turned to their supplies, digging through for the journal that Tighnari always kept on him. Lately they had been using a map tucked inside, marking off the areas they had already searched. 

                 It was a pitifully small expanse. Still, they were further into the desert than they had ever been before, amongst the caves and canyons of the desert. Cyno found some charcoal and began to unfold their map, marking off unlikely paths, and circling the upcoming oasis’s. 

                Snap . 

              “ Shit .” 

               Cyno glanced to make sure he hadn’t woken anyone else up, then turned back to his now broken pencil. Annoyance filled him as he went back to Tighnari’s satchel, digging around for their small knife they used as a sharpener, or just another pencil in general. There at the bottom, was the carefully wrapped scarf and vision. His hands strayed over the woven threads, fingertips trembling. 

                 He would hold it, just for a minute. 

                 He slid out the garment, placing it on his knees and carefully unwrapping the garment to expose the vision within. 

                 Wait. 

                 “Everybody wake up, NOW !” A grumble from the Travelers and Paimon’s tent showed that the little fairy had heard his command, Cyno heading into his and Tighnari’s tent, roughly shaking him in his haste to wake his husband up. 

                 “What, what ? I just got back to sleep!” Tighnari sat up, about to continue, but stopped as soon as Cyno shoved the now glowing vision into his hands. 

                 “Has it ever glowed like this before Tighnari?” His husband was speechless for a moment, the Traveler and Paimon sticking their heads into the tent to see what the fuss was all about. 

                 “N-No. They only activate with their wielder's power, no one else can activate them.” Tighnari was standing now, the traveler having rushed to their tent to gather their supplies. 

                  Collei was nearby, and they were going to use her vision to find her. 

Chapter Text

                All Collei wanted was to be left alone. 

                To be with her fathers. 

                To be happy. 

                Why could she never be happy? Why could she never just be left alone, why must these people take everything from her, strip it all away, over and over again? 

                 Panic and fear was a long term friend, something she had known for years and would continue to know, as long as she remained in this place. 

                This place? 

                She was in surgery, yet, she was awake?

           Collei took a look around her surroundings, finding that it was a small garden. The air she could smell jasmine, lavender, and other floral scents. She stood, finding that instead of her normal brown dress, or even her “hospital” gown, she was wearing a long white robe, golden circlets holding up draped sleeves. No black ink remained on her chest or stomach. A touch of her head found her hair was held back by a golden diadem, richer than anything she had worn before. 

           “Hello?” 

            No one responded. In fact, she could hear nothing but her own heavy breath. No sound of animals, no birds chirping in the trees, no one talking amongst themselves in the garden. 

            She was utterly alone here. 

             Step by step, Collei gained her courage, walking amidst the garden, identifying plants, which when touched were soft and released their precious scent. The plants, while familiar, were also strange. Sunsettias that were vastly smaller than the ones she usually picked, and closer to the red than the orange she typically saw. Bright purple padisarah flowers, far more vibrant than any she had ever seen in real life, with dense and swaying petal patterns that seemed to react to her presence. It all was so lifelike , far too much so for a dream. So then, that did not leave many options. Either she was dreaming, hallucinating, or worse. 

              She had died on that operating table. 

             No, no, better to assume that she was simply having a drug fueled dream. Only, no drugs had ever given her such a vivid dream like the one she found herself caught in now. 

            What kind of drugs had the Fatui given her now? 

            Collei continued to walk amongst the garden, a faint tinge in her head making its way to the forefront of her thoughts. What she saw ceased being the garden in front of her, the life of lush greens and granite marble white blending back into a sweet memory of days gone by, the rainforest as it appeared that first day. That first month she was in the village, Tighnari had taught her some of the basic botany of the rainforest, which plants could assist in healing and recovery, ones that could be either poison or remedy, and which were dangerous from stem to leaf.

               Mushrooms were an especially important topic, as they were tempting to the unknowing traveler, many assuming them to be an easy source of food out in the wild. Some offered an escape from hunger, some relieved you from that particular stress forever. Bright red ones with white spots, pale white ones that looked like bone, dark black ones which left a smoky residue on your fingertips. She pieced together a description of another mushroom she heard about, native to Mondstadt. Instead of a bulbous cap, it had leaves more similar to a plant, but also somewhat feather shaped with fine hairs. 

               Collei paused, staring down at the new and growing path of mushrooms she had left in her wake. She had only seen those particular mushrooms once in her life, when she was a mere child, and much too concerned with her own survival to truly notice the details of a Mondstat native mushroom. So then why, now, was the perfect replica staring up at her with its gleaming white face? 

                 “Okay. Okay, stay calm, just remember what dad said.” Collei whispered to herself, but then, none of this was real, it couldn’t be. Mushrooms didn’t just appear out of the ground just by thinking of them. No, this whole place was fake, it had to be, no matter how lifelike it seemed at the moment. Around her, the area flashed back to that first serene garden, soft white pebbles lining a path, replacing the mushrooms of the forest. 

                 Just as her hands went to reach for a bright red pomegranate for examination, dangling in front of her on a lush tree, she finally heard the first sound other than the ones made by her own heart and lungs. 

                 “ Ah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. ” Collei whipped around to face the voice, it had no accent that she was able to trace, and she was honestly not even sure if it was female or male. 

                  No one was behind her. 

                 Her hand instinctively went behind her back, trying to reach for a quiver that was not there, when the voice broke through once again, a light chuckle drifting on the air. 

                 “Fearsome fox kit, you have no weapons here.” 

                  “S-step out right now! Show yourself, or, or else!”

                  Her words only made the thing let out a short, halting chuckle, her ears tinged red as it mocked her anxiety, her stress, her worries. Their eyes saw right through her, eyes pointed in a way that said the thing before her knew her in a way she did not even know herself. She was not in the mood for more of the Doctor's head games. Cause that was what this was, it was the only explanation that truly made sense. In “sedating” her, he had given her some sort of hallucination drug, and this was all a product of that white medicine. 

                 The medicine. 

                She was asleep right now. 

                She was completely, utterly, defenseless. 

                Wake up. Wake up.  

               “WAKE UP !” She didn’t even register that she had started to yell out loud, hands clasped to her head, fingers pulling out small silky strands of green hair in a vain attempt to awake herself with pain. 

                 She had to wake up, now, or else, or else-

                “Silence fox kit, calm yourself.” That voice again, once again it was mocking her, berating her, speaking in that condescending tone. She hated it. 

                 From behind the tree, a small movement. Black smoke, that faded to white, and then finally, a tall form in white robes, a split mask upon its face. Half frowning, half smiling, all of it utterly emotionless. 

                 “Keep away from me, or I swear-” Collei howled, red hot anger filling her belly, leaving her burning up from the inside out. 

                  The form moved to her, grabbing her wrist, holding her pale forearm up, tutting underneath the unmoving mask. It spoke to itself, soft voice barely heard. 

              “Still barely a form, despite all of our work.” 

               Watching her forearm, Collei could see the thick scales of her eleazar hardening into something more, from stiff and lifeless to the thick slithering hide of a snake. The snake made its way down her arm, and crossed over the bridge made by the masked beings tight grip on her wrist. It settled around the form's neck, and the form finally let her wrist down, choosing instead to fondly stroke the snake's head. 

                “You, you’re-” The form cut her off, with a snap of its fingers her arms were covered in black markings, black snakes trailing up and down her body, they glowed out from under her white robe, her golden bracelets, her diadem. Frantic hands rubbed at the markings, but they refused to budge, and again that light mocking chuckle. 

                Panic was rising again, Collei frantically rubbing her arms, trying desperately to scrape away the black markings. She stopped as the voice took this chance to condescend once again. 

                “Yes, I am. I am what you cannot comprehend, what your father decided to lock away. I am the raw power inside of you that you fear so deeply, child.” 

              “Because you hurt people. You kill people. You are a murderer. ” If her words caused any emotion in the form before her, the mask covered all. 

               “I am simply surviving, little one. I live to survive, I survive to live. Any and all means to the same ends are worthwhile to me.” It moved towards her, the snake outreaching itself to her heart, and she backed up, arms slapping the outreached hands of the form in white. 

             “Even if it hurts other people? Even if you made me do horrible things to the people that helped me, to people who probably didn’t deserve to die?” 

              “I did what I must to ensure we live. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less. You mistake yourself with saying it is you alone who committed wrongs, as it was us, together.” The mask tilted to the side, as if the idea of considering others emotions or desires was something utterly foreign. 

              The bitter truth was too hard to remember, the images of the people she hurt flashing in Collei’s mind as she clenched her fist, speaking through gritted teeth. 

              “So, you don’t care how many people you hurt in the process?” 

            The snake slid back towards its master, the form turning away from her now, acting for all the world like a disappointed professor. 

            “No. Change is constant in this world, and you either change, or you are dragged under by time. I have made it a simple…Rule of mine to never be the one pulled under.” 

             Collei glanced around her, somewhere, there had to be a weapon. This person, being, whatever it was, was dangerous. She needed to get rid of it, even if it killed her in the process. Her father had done all the work to seal it away, now was her turn to finish the job. As if sensing her thoughts, the figure hand moved quick as a snake, fingers gripping her wrist so tight she winced at the pressure. 

            “Just like how I adapted to being trapped in the body of a scared little girl. How, instead of being driven away, I decided it was best to lay dormant, allow your father to think the job was done. I survive, at all costs. I have lived through things you could never imagine little kit. Never forget that.” 

             And then, as if prompted, Collei recalled the night she described to Tighnari and Cyno, tears in her eyes, of the events that she saw in the past. Flashes of nations falling, the world hurt and burning. Light, and descent, and then, nothing. Was that nightmare not a hallucination?

              “L-Let go, you’re hurting me!” The pressure on her wrist was too much, it was like the orderlies of the hospital, gripping her so tight, so tight she felt as if her skin would soon split. 

               The form glanced down to her wrist, its mask tilting to the side as it finally released her wrist. Collei gripped her hand to herself, rubbing at the bright red marks left by their hand. 

              “Ah. So I am.” The form turned away, humming as it allowed the snake to travel from its arm up to the branch of the pomegranate tree, where it dangled over her, its tongue surveying the air around her. Satisfied, the snake looped around the branch, and finally laid still. For a moment, all was still and quiet, except for the occasional sound of the snake as it shifted its weight upon the branch. Collei continued to rub at her sore wrist, and the black markings which were stubbornly branded to her skin like tattoos.

              Finally, the silence was broken. 

               “You and I have a similar goal, Collei. You are not stupid, not when it comes to our continued survival. You know your body will not survive this surgery.” Fear shot through her heart, but she stayed firm. Something told her she was not going to like where this conversation was heading. 

                “You don’t know that.” If a mask could show emotions, it would be showing utter disbelief at the level of denial that sentence held. 

              “You have been starved, beaten, abused, operated on. This is the last straw that will break the camel's back, Collei. As much as I hate to admit it, your father did one thing well, which was to tether me to you. You are my chain, and should your links snap? I will fall away from this world.” Silence as they let this sink in, and then they spoke. 

               “Neither of us want to die, Collei-.”

              “No.” She knew the intent the moment the words left their mouth, if they had one, and she was having none of it. She was so, so tired of all of these people controlling her, using her as a puppet, promises made that were never kept. 

              Even. 

              Thick tears began to choke her throat. 

              Even her dads, they said they would always be around to save her, to help her. They would never allow anyone to hurt her again. 

              They had failed. 

              Collei wiped her eyes, and then began to take off her golden jewelry, tossing them onto the ground before the figure. 

              “No. You said my father tied you to me? Good, fine !” Did she really want to die? No, she was terrified, she would never see her dads again, her friends, and never get a chance to prove her worth. But, that was fine, as long as the world was safe from the demon before her. 

              Right? 

              She had to be brave, had to accept her fate as a martyr. Had to accept the fact that she would never see her dads again. Never-

              “ Ugh! I’m leaving, when I die the last thing I want to see is your- your stupid face!” 

              Collei turned, tuning out the promises made by the being behind her. Statements to make the Fatui pay, promises to keep her and her fathers safe, promises to keep her alive. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? Did she really want to die? Wouldn’t her dads cry? Wouldn’t she be missed? 

              Collei clamped her hands over her ears, closing her eyes tight against the black markings of the snake, and began to walk. She didn’t care that she tripped and bumped into every bush or rock in the garden, what did a dead girl walking care about those sort of things? 

               No, only when she was past the garden did she open her eyes again, and find. 

               Nothing. 

             There was nothing there. 

             Behind her, there was nothing. The garden was gone, flowers and beauty replaced by inky blackness. Only her own form remained, and the black tendrils of the snake.

              Walk. 

               She continued to walk. What else was she supposed to do?

               Minutes, hours, maybe even longer passed as she walked through the nothingness of that void. Occasionally she would hear the form calling out to her, mixed with those of the people she loved, a siren call of her dads, friends, the villagers of her home. Every time she would change course, walking away from the voice every time she heard it. 

               Her limbs grew heavy, legs hard to lift, and finally, she stumbled as a sharp sting cut through her abdomen to her spine. The pain left her kneeling in the inky blackness. 

                Her body was being mutilated before her very eyes, the imagined surgery manifesting on her skin. Thick precise lines cut through the flesh of her abdomen, the flesh of her chest, exposing what lay beneath. Nauseated, her head spinning, Collei closed her eyes. 

               She finally allowed the feelings of fear and despair to overwhelm her. 

               She didn’t want to die. 

              She wanted to see her parents again, Amber, the Traveler. 

              In the end, she was a coward, just like she was all those years ago. 

              “I don’t want to die.” 

             Just as soon as those words left her lips, white sandals appeared before her eyes, She looked up, kneeling before the grinning masked snake. 

              “Done with your tantrum, are we child?” She was silent, and the voice hummed, crouching down and tilting her head up. Collei cringed away from their hand, and the fingers dropped away to the side. 

             “Tell what it is you really want, little one.” 

              What did she really want? She wanted to live, and not face the consequences. She wanted the Fatui, the world, and everything to go away. She wanted to be left alone. 

              The form nodded, hearing without her ever having to utter a word. 

              “I see. Your wish is my command, little one.” 

                                                                                                                *******

               Human pain was foreign to them. 

                They went by many names. The two faced one, Janus, Deception, God of Change. The title they preferred the most, however, was survivor. 

                 They opened their vessels eyes, taking a moment to ensure that Collei was safely tucked away in the recesses of their collective mind. The child was fragile, just as likely to hijack their plan in a foolhardy attempt to cleanse the world of their power, as she was to lose all will to fight at the sight of her ruined body. Janus closed their eyes, seeing Collei in the vast expanse of garden that the child had created for herself. What an active imagination for such a young child. If only she knew the state that her physical form was in. 

                 What a sight it was. Something akin to, what was it, anger? Resentment? 

                 Rage. 

                  That was the closest to what Janus felt at this moment, looking over their vessel's ruined body. Thick stitches lined up along the pre-marked lines, a sharp V shape from the top of her collarbone to the flap of her abdomen. It was a miracle they had survived, but then again, the child was stubborn to a fault. 

                   Perhaps, acting in both of their interests for once was not such a bad thing. 

                   Janus had lived a long life, before any of the silly archons and their preset powers that constrained them rather than freed them. He had been alive long enough to see the Heavenly Principles make their mark on this world. Now, these foolhardy people wished to tap into the First Power, which came long before even the oldest archon.

                    In their time, from the very beginning, Janus knew when to keep their promises, and when to break them. 

                    Breaking a promise usually entailed burning everything that remained of that promise to nothing, but it sometimes meant running away and living to fight another day. It didn’t appear that running would be an option here. Still, this would be troublesome to fight their way out. They had the raw power, but Collei’s body was fragile, one wrong move and it would fail, and they would both die. 

              No, restraint was warranted. 

              Still, their eyes wandered across the operating room, taking in the gazes of the Fatui researchers silently scratching notes on paper, the nurses calmly breaking down the sterile fields and chatting amongst themselves as if they were not leaving a dissected girl's body bare and within inches from death. Janus searched Collei’s memories, flashes of needles, scalpels, slaps and drugs filling their mind. 

              Well, a lesson needed to be taught.  Janus could balance that thin line between utterly obliterating this place and leaving Collei’s body relatively unharmed by their flames. 

              Mostly. 

               “Sir? It appears the sedation is wearing off, would you like me to-” The nurse didn’t have time to complete her thought as fire burst from Collei’s hands, Janus willing it to spread in one spot. The nurse didn’t even have time to scream before nothing remained. No ash, no flames, no scorches. 

                 No, nothing remained, not even a bone. 

                 It only took a second for utter chaos to break out in the operating room, nurses fleeing out of the room, soldiers hurrying to the table to restrain her body. It was pointless, the flames easily snapping the restraints, the scent of scorched leather filling the air as Janus rose their body up to full height. 

                Had they always been this short? 

               No matter, Janus had dealt with worse vessels. 

               “Fascinating, utterly fascinating, I-” 

              Janus was exceptionally tired of this man, this fool, this Doctor who thought himself a god. 

              Humans never learned. 

             Janus pushed the human body forth, taking care to get adjusted to the body's gait and height, taking slow and steady steps as he reached for the Doctor. For his part, the fool snatched their outstretched wrist, sharp nails digging into flesh as his eyes wandered over Collei’s body. 

              “Yes, yes . What a marvelous display, my little dearest. How splendid to see my work in action! Now, behave yourself and sit down like a good little girl and let me-” 

               Collei was right, the tight grip did hurt. 

                 Janus reached out with Collei’s hand, taking stock of the brief flicker of fear in the Doctor's eyes before they touched their fingertip to his forehead, a black slithering snake emerging from the flesh of their chest, and striking out to bite onto the Doctor. It burrowed its ways into his forehead, Janus ignoring the man's grunts of pain as he struggled to get the snake out of him. Pain and shock kept the Doctor upright, but for only a moment, Janus shoving him down to wither into a pathetic heap. 

             With calm indifference, Janus turned around, feeling the heat of flames on their ankles as the snake ignited, burning the doctor like a falling Icarus. Only his screams indicated that he was still alive when he stumbled his way out of the door, leaving the stench of burned flesh behind. 

               No matter, Janus had all the time in the world to track him down. There was still the matter of all the people gathered in this operating room, Collei’s memories marked each and all of them with a guilty hand. They had hurt his vessel, made her cry, made her bleed, opened the way for him to emerge through her suffering. 

                Somehow, the truth that he was only here because of them made him feel that odd human emotion once again. Perhaps it was their link to Collei, or their body, but Janus was feeling all too human. 

                  Rage reared its ugly head as Janus sent the whirling heat around the room, igniting everything that could possibly burn. 

                  Clothes, paper, torturers and abusers. 

                  Finally, the room was bare, and the rage was well spent. Janus put a hand to their vessels chest, humming as thick warm blood came back on their fingertips. 

                 “Hmm. I appear to have overdone it after all.” 

                                                                                                                                      ******

                “We need a plan Tighnari, just, give me a second to think.” Cyno loved his husband, he really did, but he had a bit of tunnel vision currently. Weeks of being on edge in the unrelenting desert, traveling across shifting sand, finding what they thought to be a building only for it to then turn into a mirage?

                 Tighnari’s mind was focused on Collei, as they all were, but his plan of “Rush in there already and find her before she is killed” was a bit, well, lacking. Cyno had to admit, holding back his own rage and worry was proving harder than he ever thought it could be, but for now, he had to think as the General Mahamatra. Think with strategy, planning, and cunning. No, he had to think, or else the rage would overwhelm him, blind his eyes to logic, make him slip up, and they would fail their mission. 

                  They remained on the roof of the hospital, surveying the scene below them, having glided there with borrowed wings from the traveler.

                   He couldn’t think. Nothing was coming to mind, he couldn’t think now, when they were so close? What was wrong with him? 

                   Finally, it was the Traveler who broke that silence. 

                  “It appears to be the changing of the guards now.” 

                  “This might be the best chance to sneak in there. I don’t want to state the obvious but Collei’s vision-”

                   “I know.” 

                    The vision, which had been growing brighter with each step, up towards where they had now found themselves, on the roof. Now though, it was suddenly dimming, the light within the glass flickering weakly. 

                    Cyno feared less that it was merely loss of proximity to Collei, but more that something was happening to their daughter. Something that was dimming the visions link to her. 

                   Tighnari had every right to be on edge. 

                   “ Okay . Traveler, you flank our back. There will likely be separate tunnels, so we will split up once inside and start to search for Collei. She is likely being held in its depths, and there will be many guards, so keep your wits about you people. If we don’t find her within an hour, we regroup. Traveler, Paimon, stay safe in there.” 

                   The pair nodded, and Cyno looked to his husband. 

                   “I know it’s not much of a plan, but it’s all we have. Let’s go save our girl.”  Tighnari withdrew his bow, preparing it with a glowing arrow from his quiver. 

                   “I thought you’d never say the words.” 

                                                                                                                          *****

                    If they had the luxury of planning, they would have taken it, but unfortunately for all of them, that wasn’t possible. No, Tighnari was a bundle of energy, and was ready to dispel some of it. His vision was growing warm at his side, elemental energy heightening with his emotions and ready to spill forth at his summons. 

                    First, the two guards at the entrance. 

                   Tighnari took aim, his hands ready for the rapid transition between arrows. He had to be quick, firing off two arrows at almost the same time in order to keep the other guard from raising the alarm. He cocked his bow, closed one eye, and took deadly aim. 

                    A green flash, and a guard was down.

                   The other had barely a chance to speak, to shout, when the other arrow silenced them. Tighnari jumped down from the roof, feet pounding as he searched the entrance way. He waved to the others, and they filed in, Cyno taking the lead  now as he was better in close range combat. 

                  Ozone scented the air once again, purple pulsations lining Cyno’s veins as they took off down the sandy hallway of the hospital. Everything was white and dim, barely any light made it into this place. At first, there was no sound, but then at one turn they found themselves face to face with a Fatui guard. 

                   Like his comrades at the front, he had barely a chance to say a word before Cyno’s hand of justice slashed through his form, stunning the guard and sending him to his knees, Cyno knocking him unconscious with the butt of his polearm. 

                    One more down, who knew how many more to go? 

                  “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING-” a soldier, from down the hallway. They saw their crumpled comrade, and turned, beginning to run, racing to set off the alarm. 

                  “Shit! I’ve got this, you guys keep going!” The Traveler and Paimon took off at a sprint down the hall, towards the guard that had escaped. 

                    As planned, they went the other direction, racing down the hallway, Tighnari doing his best to defend their back by letting loose volleys of arrows to anyone that tried to follow, Cyno slicing his way through the hallway. They were almost all the way down this particular hallway when they saw an almost familiar sight. 

                    The man who had tormented all of Collei’s dreams, for so, so long. 

                   “DOTTORE!” Before Tighnari could stop him, Cyno charged forwards, thunder threatening to bring down the walls around them as he unleashed the full extent of his power in that small hallway. His purple hand caught Dottore, and as if he was a ragdoll, slammed him across the room into the wall. A sickening snap told Tighnari that some bones were broken, but the man was subdued. 

                    He ran to Dottore, faintly registering the burn wounds all over his flesh. A byproduct of messing with power that was not his, he was sure. Still, Tighnari held no pity for the man that laid before him. Grimacing up at him with an infuriatingly cocky expression, as if their rage was the most amusing thing to him. 

                     “Talk, now ! Where is our daughter?!” Cyno stood behind him, Tighnari gripping Dottore by his singed white lab coat. 

                      He laughed . 

                      Coughing up blood, nevertheless, he took the time to laugh at them. 

                     “Ah, you must be the dear daddies Collei is always crying about.” Red hot rage tinged his eyesight, but he had to remain calm. Get the information out of him. He moved aside, allowing Cyno to hold the doctor up, electricity coursing through the air now, small flickering lights. 

                      His husband was losing control. 

                    “Where is our daughter .” 

                      The man tilted his head, a thin trickle of blood running down his lip as he smiled. 

                     “That little bitch wouldn’t stop crying, you know. Every little procedure she screamed and sobbed and-”

                      “SHUT UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU!” Cyno screamed, the air now smelling like being in the midst of a thunderstorm. 

                    “And SOBBED. The nurses tell me they heard her in her cell at night, crying in her sleep for her dads to save her. But, you didn’t come. For weeks and weeks and weeks she waited. You never came.” He clicked his tongue, the air silent now as Cyno stared at him, face blank of every expression. 

                    “Today she really reminded me of that little girl I used to know. Hard face, jaw set, but eyes dead. It was so….Perfect. I had to take the chance to operate. Cutting into her chest was…Well, divine. My perfect subject, complete at last.” Cynos' hands were shaking, and Tighnari was going to be sick. 

                    “Too bad you didn’t come to save her yesterday. I might have left some of her behind.” 

                    “ NO!” In a sudden flash, Dottore was on the ground, Cyno on top of him, his hands no longer covered with the specter paws of Anubis, no, now his own hands were glowing that same royal purple of heated ozone, sparks flying from his fingertips as he choked the man under him. 

                      For a moment, the only sound in the hallway was that of the gurgling of a man trying to breathe air through a crushed windpipe. 

                      “ Cyno !” Tighnari went to pull his husband off of the man, but in his blind rage his husband knocked him aside, Tighnari stumbling onto the ground. He got back up, moving to shake his husband. 

                     “He isn’t worth it, Collei needs us, right now! She could still be alive Cyno, we need to find her!” This finally caught his attention, Cyno releasing his death grip on the man, Dottore choking and gasping for air. Cyno coldly observed him, sliding out his polearm, and with a soft crunch, stabbed it through his chest, ribs breaking making Tighnari cringe. 

                    Dottore looked up at him, and laughed, thick blood coming up in between laughter and coughing.  

                   “You won’t be rid of me. I am not the last Dottore of this world.” 

                   They didn’t have time to try and figure out whatever that meant, no, they left him behind, coughing on his blood as they raced down the hallway. 

Chapter Text

               Tighnari entered the operating room, fingers curled around the string of his bow, holding the arrow in place and at the ready. The air was warm in this part of the hospital, there was none of that characteristic sand, no, this was a sterile area. No one remained, no one was by the operating table, no one in the entryway, no nurses setting up for the next surgery. 

                No one remained, except for the crumbled form of his daughter, back turned to them in a far too large hospital gown, bandages covering her arms and legs. 

                They had discarded his baby like she was nothing. 

               “ Collei.” His bow fell to the wayside, that didn’t matter, it was a hindrance now, he had to reach her. 

              “ Dad?” A strained and husky voice that barely sounded like his daughter came from the form on the table, Tighnari reaching her and placing his arms around her, pulling her into his arms. 

              “It’s okay now, it’s okay, i’m here, i-” His stomach twisted, bile in the back of his throat.

              Trembling hands reached for the thin frame, holding her close and pulling her towards the light, the dim glow confirming that what he saw was not a trick of the shadows, but was real. She had thick lines of tight and excellently done sutures down her chest, redness around each stitch, the sand in this room was irritating her skin. It looked like they had just been placed, no one bothering to cover them with a bandage, none visible in the room to begin with. 

              “Oh Archons.” Hold it together, hold it together, he had to hold it together. Collei said nothing as he hastily slid off his shawl, using it to cover her thin frame. She had lost so much weight, her bones were almost protruding from her wrists, her collarbones seemed to stretch against the skin of her chest. Tighnari hastily covered her form completely, bundling her into his arms. Whereas before, Tighnari was beginning to struggle to lift Collei, it was terrifyingly easy to lift her now, and Tighnari was only half certain it wasn’t due to his remaining adrenaline, as well as newer fears visibly driving his heart faster.  

                 Behind him, Cyno was standing guard, surveying the room. Tighnari turned to his husband, his only thoughts on their next goals. Get Collei out of here, get her home, get her well, figure out what the hell they did to his daughter. Another short glance at the sutures confirmed his worst fears, but he clamped down tight. Focus, everything else would come later. One step at a time. 

               So small. 

               She was so small now, so thin. 

               He swore she weighed the same as when she first arrived at the village, all those years ago. 

               "Cyno, lead the way for us. I will carry her." She barely said a word, barely even moved in his arms. She was almost catatonic, a dead weight that was far closer to dead than weight. 

               "Hold on Collei, hold on." 

              Cyno arrived at his side, giving Collei a quick kiss on the forehead. Tighnari could tell that he wished to do more, say more, but there wasn't time. 

              "Let's go, I don't think we should stay in one place for longer than necessary." Cyno picked up his polearm, and began to lead the way out of the lab. The sound of a sword, clanging against shields and guns let them know that the Traveler was nearby. 

              "Traveler! We found her, let's go!" Tighnari called down the hallway, hopeful that they would be able to hear his words. 

               They did, Paimon soon appearing, floating down the hallway at top speed, soon catching up to Tighnari as he ran with Cyno. On the way out, any hint of Dottore's body was gone, evaporated into thin air like he was nothing but a phantom.

               "Is she?...." Paimons voice faltered, the Traveler now joining them from the adjourning hallway, taking up the rear to effectively form a shield around Collei. Paimon said what the Traveler also thought. Paimon’s lack of filter was in equal measures telling and infuriating. To them, and everyone else, Collei looked like a corpse waiting to be lowered into the sand.

              "She will be okay. I will make sure of that. She's not okay now, but she will be, I swear." Could he really promise something like that? All of the torment she had endured, all of the sickness, the stress, the abuse. Would she ever be okay again?

               No, no, this was Collei he was talking about. She was strong , stubborn to a fault, always bettering herself day after day. If anybody could shrug this off, she could. Cyno repeated this line to himself over and over, but he failed to convince himself. It did not matter. 

               No matter how long it took, he would support her, and help her to heal. 

                                                                                                                         *******

               There was something off about all of this, Cyno was sure of that much. Everything else was guesswork, but this lab, this place gave him the creeps, and it wasn't the consistent lack of appropriate lighting throughout the compound It was the lack of anything

               It didn't make sense, why leave Collei in an abandoned operating room, no one to guard her, no one to monitor her status? 

               It didn't make sense, but he was grateful, of course he was. Other than the guards they met along the way, who were easily disposed of, they met very little resistance on their way to the outside world. They broke through the gates, and stepped out into the rolling heat of the desert, but not once did Tighnari complain. No, he held their girl close, feet never once stumbling in the shifting sand as they raced through the canyon. Pale purple eyes never drifted away from whatever was so far away that nobody else could see.  

               Finally, after miles of this, it seemed to be safe. No one was tailing behind them, no guards in pursuit. It was too easy, and it was putting him on edge. 

               "Let's pause, take stock." Cyno held his hand out, stopping Tighnari and the Traveler, Paimon floating over to a rock, appearing to sit but never quite reaching the rock itself. No wonder she was tired all the time. 

                "Tigh, what do you need?" Cyno pulled out their backpack, beginning to rummage through it for supplies. His hand hit the barely glowing vision, which he moved aside. That could come later, now, they had to tend to Collei's physical injuries first. 

                "Hand me some antiseptic, gauze pads, and bandages." Cyno handed each item to Tighnari, who had taken off his cloak from Collei's shoulders and spread it on the sand to form as clean of a work area as was possible outdoors. Tighnari helped ease Collei down, assessing the oozing stitches. It was evident that the stitch work was well below subpar where it mattered, and supreme where it was irrelevant. The stitches probably did more damage than prevented. They were going to get infected, even Cyno knew that, but how bad he couldn't say. Only Tighnari and time would tell. 

               "Collei, bear with me, okay?" No words, no response, and the unease that had been settling in since the surgical room was growing harder to ignore. Tighnari glanced at his daughter, his world, and only saw frosted glass eyes not looking back at him. What had they done to their girl? She was cationic, shouldn't she be screaming, crying in pain? The sutures were in such poor condition that Tighnari couldn't rule out puncturing veins or other critical anatomy below the surface of the skin. Collei was tough, but this was not merely a brave front. It was like they were looking at the shell of Collei, like the Fatui had taken out everything that made her unique, her personality, her emotions, her fear, her love, relief. 

                 Cyno could see none of that in the girl that lay before them, all he saw was empty eyes, staring a thousand yards ahead but not seeing a single thing. 

                 Cyno's hand twitched, watching Tighnari clean the sutures and cover Collei with bandages as the loosely formed scabs came loose, and she began to bleed again. Light purple sparks raced from his palm to his fingertips, and he hastily shoved his hand into the bank of sand, diffusing the electric energy. 

                 They had found Collei's body, and Cyno wouldn't stop until they helped her regain her sense of self. 

                                                                                                                     *******

                 Janus regarded their vessels stitches and bandages with blank awareness, head tilted as Collei’s dad picked her up again, prepared to walk across the desert. Humans had familial bonds, but Janus had no use for such. Still, they needed to be careful. Fatherly love might blind the two to the truth, but only for a certain amount of time. If Janus was not careful, they would be found out, and Collei ripped from her perfect escape, or worse. Still, human emotions, body, gait, reactions, empathy. None of it made sense to Janus, even though they were forced to face these human vices while in their vessel's body. Better to imitate, than risk appearing strange, or better yet, lay low. They had survived for millennia, surely acting as a teenage girl could not be too difficult, right? They lie to themself all the time, and this was no different.

                  Why were they already tired? 

                  “Collei, sleep if you need to, love. We will make a proper stop in Aaru village, alright?” Janus turned Collei’s head upright, finding that the new change in position made their head light. Tighnari glanced down at them, concern evident across his face. Strange, dimensional awareness would take some getting used to, it seemed. The turn made sharp pricks of pain break across their forehead and Janus closed their eyes. 

                Pain, as well, it seemed they would have to get used to it. 

                The price they paid for a chance to live properly in a vessel in over two and a half thousand years, give or take a century. 

                                                                                                                             ********

                 People say that the journey home always feels shorter than traveling to the destination, but Tighnari would have to argue with those people. They had clearly never been through the range of emotions that they had been the past few weeks. His greatest relief, his greatest fear and sorrow. Collei was back, but the further they traveled, the more apparent it became that she was not the same girl that walked into the notary. 

                 Collei was catatonic, in the most medical sense. Tighnari was reminded of dolls that children played with, ones that the children would take care of like their own. Collei was not a baby, nor even a child, but she acted as if made of porcelain. The Traveler parted ways with them in Aaru village, and from there their struggles began in earnest. 

                 For one, she barely walked. When she did, she stumbled in the sand, at such risk for injury that Tighnari feared letting her walk on her own for too long. In the end, he and Cyno took turns carrying her or allowing her to ride on their back through the sands, and then the trails of the rainforest. 

                In all the time they walked, she barely said a word. He tried so hard to get her to talk to them, not even urging her to talk about her experience, that would come with time. But simple questions, such as inquiries to her pain, hunger, thirst, need for rest. They all went unanswered, falling on deaf ears and cold eyes. 

               Her weakness was likely caused by malnutrition, her reluctance to talk from trauma, all of this was unwelcome, but not entirely unexpected. No, what made Tighnari feel that thick pit of dread in his stomach was the fact that he couldn’t reach her. He had always been able to reach her emotionally, Collei confided in him, he was her dad, her confidant, her doctor, her mentor. Now, he felt like a stranger, trying to get acquainted with the shell of someone he loved. He had seen this retreating before, depressed patients, catatonic schizophrenia, trauma, PTSD. None of that prepared him for seeing it in someone he loved.  

               Tighnari glanced up as shouts rang around them, finding that they were at last in the village. Other Forest watchers and Rangers sounded off those shouts, letting everyone know they had returned home at last. Tignari cringed at the sudden sound, looking across to Cyno’s back for a reaction from Collei. 

                Fear, recognition, relief, joy, sorrow? 

                No, nothing crossed those pale violet eyes. 

                “ Collei?!” A shrill yell broke amongst the others, and down the path came Marion, racing so hard her sandals were left behind in her wake. If she noticed, she didn’t care. Behind her Amir struggled to keep up, short legs and short arms trying to keep up with his frantic mother, head bobbing up and down like a sumpter beast in full sprint.

               “Oh archons , Collei, what did they do to you?!” Marion looked over Cyno’s shoulder, but Collei’s expression did not change, no, there was a small flicker of recognition and finally she spoke, a soft spoken word barely heard. 

               “Everything.”

                Tighnari winced as Marion wailed, the woman was practically a mother to Collei, helping Cyno and Tighnari in ways he would never be able to repay. From being a babysitter when Collei was younger, to allowing Collei to “hide” at her place when she was upset and frustrated with her homework, treating her like any other child in the village.

                Marion’s love was vast and enveloping, but Collei was too far from anyone's reach. 

                “We, we don’t know everything Marion.” Cyno spoke up for both of him, shifting slightly to balance Collei better on his back. Collei allowed herself to be adjusted like a sack of flour, barely any resistance to the movement. 

               “No, we don’t know everything Marion, but we will get Collei better.” Tighnari could barely believe the words coming out of his mouth. Better? What did that even mean in this situation? Where would he even begin? Tighnari took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the damp air of home that he loved so dearly. Even under the circumstances, it still calmed his nerves. 

                It would take time to unravel what the Fatui had done to Collei, much less to work on healing her trauma, but they had to start somewhere. 

                Anywhere. 

               “Marion, may I ask you a favor? Can you help us get set up in the hut? Collei needs a bath, and I need to prepare the bandages-” 

                Sharp eyes cut him off, Amir having finally caught up to his mother, who easily scooped the child up in her arms. How much longer would she be able to do that?

               “Tell me what to do Tighnari, and I will do it.” 

                 The inside of the hut was clean, floor swept, and all surfaces polished. It seemed like their neighbors had been taking care of their hut in their absence. It takes a village, or so they say. 

                 “The tub is right in there Marion, I will start on getting my supplies gathered, Cyno will make dinner for us.” Delegating tasks was something that came easily to Tighnari, medical emergencies demanded a central point of control, one voice to keep chaos at bay. He could treat this as one such occasion, couldn’t he? 

                  “Understood. Amir, help me in the bathroom, would you?” 

                 The child seemed eager to help, his whispered questions to his mother shushed for the moment as Marion helped Collei walk to the bathroom, each step seeming to take all of her energy and concentration. Her gait was still off, limping at one moment, the next tilting like a ship in rough seas, threatening to capsize.

                 The heavy door shut behind them, and Tighnari heard the sound of water filling the tub. He worked in his office, gathering more bandages, antiseptic, ointment, fever and pain relief. Amir, it seemed, was Marion's runner. Either out of genuine need for items, or a need to get an overly helpful but clumsy child out of the way, Tighnari could not be sure.

               After about five times of the child leaving the bathroom for various supplies; soap, a comb, fresh clothes, a brush, Marion called out to Tighnari. 

                 Tighnari entered the room with his bag, setting it down on the sink, facing Collei. Marion had her in a brand new night gown, her dark green hair washed and braided down her back. Collei sat on a stool, face blank, eyes to the floor as Tighnari kneeled, looking up to her. 

                 “Collei? Do you feel better?” Simple questions, yes or no answers. It wasn’t much in the way of a conversation, but it was a start. 

                 “Yes, dad.” Two bittersweet words, Tighnari longed for so much more, but he had to be patient. This was a good start, he just had to keep reminding himself of that. 

                “Okay, good, very good. Your father is making some dinner, so let's eat, yeah?” Tighnari forced his voice to remain even, keeping it from being strained, or from raising pitch. No matter how helpless she seemed, Collei was a teenager, not the little girl she was when she first arrived.

                “Tighnari, let me know if you three need anything else, alright?” Marion stood, brushing her dress off and wiping her hands on a soft hand towel. She moved to hug Collei, or maybe kiss her cheek, but stopped. Marion's hand fell to her waist, and she turned, picking up Amir into her arms. Silence deafened everyone for a short time. 

               “We are so glad to have you home, Collei. Everyone here loves you, remember that, okay sweetie?” If those words reached her Collei made no sign of recognition, and Marion did not press the issue. Amir blew kisses to Collei, waving goodbye from his mothers arms as Marion left the hut, shutting the door gently behind her. Now, it was just the three of them in the hut, and somehow that made Tighnari even more exhausted. Maybe he would be able to get a good night's rest (doubtful, but he could hope), but for now, food. Tighnari reached for Collei’s hand, gently gripping it and pulling her up. 

              For the briefest moment, he was reminded of a marionette doll, held up by strings as Collei moved slowly and with jerky motions. She stood up briefly, and then suddenly lurched forward, adrenaline kicking in as Tighnari just barely caught her from falling. Tighnari struggled for a moment, ears pressed to his head, before he finally steadied Collei on her feet, letting her lean her weight into his chest. 

             Deep breaths, Tighnari hugged Collei to herself, whispering into her braided hair. 

            “Oh, my sweet girl. What have they done to you?”

            “Everything okay in there dear?” Cyno called from the kitchen, and Tighnari called back. 

            “Yes, I think Collei’s knees gave out. Haven't used them much in the past month, probably…She’s okay sweetheart.” Tighnari eased Collei into his arm, finding the motion practiced, but leaving his lower back sore from days of journeying like this. When had he gotten old? Barely 26, going on 50, he thought to himself. 

               Collei would have teased him, he was sure. The lack of it hurts a lot more now. 

              The kitchen was warm, soup bubbling in the fireplace, fresh pita baking on an iron griddle. Cyno flipped these with a deft hand that always stressed Tighnari out, fearing high speed second degree burns. Perhaps it came with time, but Cyno never got burned. 

               Mostly. 

               “Here we go, Collei. Sit here, it looks like your father made your favorite.” 

                Well, perhaps not her absolute favorite, but a favorite of when she was sick or otherwise laid up with her eleazar. 

               Tighnari watched as Cyno dished out veggie and radish stew, and placed a pita on the side. This he offered to Collei, handing Tighnari a plate as well. Cyno sat down, pulling up a chair as he began to eat his stew, if the scalding temperature bothered him he didn’t register the discomfort. 

               Tighnari breathed on his spoonful, taking a cautious sip. Still piping hot, but the taste was good, not bad for only a few minutes to prepare and cook. Tighnari suspected some vision use might have been involved. 

               Collei wasn’t eating. 

              This had been going on for so long, ever since they left the damned place. Tighnari assumed that perhaps fever and infection was curbing her appetite, and while that might explain some of it, Tighnari felt a sinking suspicion that this ran deeper than any fever. 

              “Collei, try to eat something. You need to regain your strength.” No response, not even a glance at his words. It was worse than when she was a child. No amount of pleading, begging, nothing would get her to lift the spoon to her mouth and drink the soup. He had tried all of this before, on the journey here. 

                Time to try again. Over and over again he would try. 

                “Sprout, you need to eat. If you don’t want the soup, at least try the bread.” Cyno piped up from across the table, using his spoon to point at the plate holding the pita. Collei glanced downward at the plate, thin pale fingers picking it up like it was on fire. She turned it over in her hand, examining it, and then took a small bite, barely enough to be considered such. Just a nibble missing. It seemed to take a lot for her to swallow, and when she did, she set the bread down, one singular bite out of the hunk. 

                That would have to be enough for now, Tighnari had to believe that. She would eat in her own time, talk in her own time, everything in her own time. Things wouldn’t stay like this forever? 

                 Right? 

                                                                                                                     ******

                The air was thick, moist air falling on Cyno like a wet blanket as he laid in bed beside Tighnari, the thunderstorm outside occasionally lighting up their room through the window. In a moment like this, he would miss the desert, but these past few weeks had given him plenty of that area for the time being. 

                Cyno glanced over at Tighnari, mentally cursing the weather for making it too insane to hug Tighnari to his chest. Keep him close, keep Collei close, everything felt like it was slipping from his fingers, falling away from the world. If only he could keep a tiger grip, maybe then things would feel okay again. 

                Lightning crashed outside, and Tighnari shifted, groaning. Cyno waited a moment to see if his husband would wake up, but he didn’t. Good that Tighnari was getting sleep, but bad that it left him alone with his thoughts. 

                He would just need to work off some of this restless energy, insomnia was an old companion, one he could usually handle. Not now. 

               Cyno went into the living room, starting to pick up loose odds and ends. A book here, a bandage there, spoons and forks left out. Their hut really was a mess, but then taking up Collei took up all of their day now. 

                How long had it been? Two weeks? How was that even possible, and in all that time they stayed stagnant . Collei barely ate a bite, barely moved, or talked. If he wasn’t staring right at her he would have swore she wasn’t even breathing. She was breathing, right?

                Cyno didn’t know it was possible to miss a living person this much. 

                Cyno glanced in the bedroom as he walked past, seeing that Tighnari was still fast asleep. A brief glance into Collei’s room showed her sleeping, which was not unexpected. Cyno took a closer glance at Collei, and saw that she was asleep in a nearly impossible position. Head nowhere near the pillow, she had spun around and was now backwards on her own bed, head resting on mattress, face up. 

                Collei never sleeps face up. Ever. 

                A quick correction, and she was at least sleeping in a way that didn't threaten scoliosis, even if it looked visibly uncomfortable. He did not shift her to her side, out of caution. 

                Clinical depression, catatonia, PTSD and anorexia. Cyno would be lying if he said that he completely understood these terms. 

                 No, what he did understand, was that Collei was hurting , and nothing they did was working. No food could be tempting enough to make her eat more than a few bites, no conversation sustained past the first few yes or no questions. Cyno’s hands faltered as he stooped to pick up an achingly familiar green stuffed cat. Cyno held it by its ear, looking down into its cutely frowning face. Was it frowning? Hard to tell. He needed to sleep. 

                He had failed, and now he couldn’t even fix the mess they were in. 

                                                                                                                  ******

                Janus stared at the mirror, head tilted as they examined their vessel. It was certainly a sight to behold. Pale skin, bruises, the stitches barely holding together. Strange pains in their stomach every day, twinges that cramped and turned at the sight of the food that was offered. The human body was such a strange thing, Collei’s memories sparse in regards to that effect. When they ate, Collei’s body ached. Food was not something Janus had consumed in any manner other than leisure for over two thousand years, and what they served now was just as they remembered. Perhaps it was the medicine, or their own perception of a world that had long since moved on without them, but food tasted like ash. It burned their tongue, became chalk in their mouth, and choked them as they tried to swallow. 

              Was all human food like this now? No, Collei’s fathers tried to give them positive reinforcement, but how could they force their vessel to eat, when it was hurting the girl's body? Every bite that went down would ask to come right back out later, of that Janus was certain. Memories of food seemed warm to Collei, but when Janus tried to tap into those dreams they were quickly snatched away to make their way into Collei’s realm. 

               She held them tight to her chest, Janus had to give her that. Janus’s fingers reached out and touched the mirror, staring into it, frowning at the image that was reflected back at them. Their cheeks were sunken now, evidence of the work from the foolish doctor and his staff. This mirror, this image, if it were to leak into Collei’s dream world, it would be distressing for the child. In fact, no, it was distressing for Janus as well. Emotions they rarely felt began to well up in their vessels chest, adrenaline pushing on feelings of panic, stress, fear. Janus clutched their chest, trying to breathe, trying to keep themselves calm while their vessel washed them in panic. Much more of this, and Collei would feel the effects in her dream.

               Better to be rid of it, than to risk disturbing that perfect dream. 

                                                                                                              *******

                By week three, even Tighnari was joining Cyno in his insomnia. They stared up at the ceiling together, neither speaking, just staring at the ceiling. Finally, Cyno broke the silence. 

                “Something is wrong, Tighnari.” 

                 Tighnari bit back a sarcastic retort which threatened to roll off his tongue. Weeks of tension, frustration, it was all building up. If he wasn’t careful, he would hurt those he loved. Tighnari wouldn’t allow that to happen, not if he could help it. 

                  A very deep breath, and exhale. 

                 “Collei is depressed, she just needs time.” Cyno shifted beside him, the mattress rising and falling with his movements. It was far too hot and stuffy for it, but Tighnari allowed Cyno to drape an arm across his shoulder. 

                  “Not just that Tigh. She isn’t acting like herself at all.” 

                   Tighnari sighed, rolling away from his husband, letting Cyno’s hand fall to the mattress. Silence pressed on them, and then finally Tighnari responded. 

                  “I don’t know what else you want me to say Cyno. She’s depressed , the worst case I have ever seen, and nothing is helping, I don't know what to do, if I can do anything. 

                 Cyno’s hand was once again on his shoulder, and this time, Tighnari let it remain. 

                 “Tigh, dear, slow down. Breathe. You know that’s not true. We are doing everything we can, it’s just…Collei has.. Been through a lot.” Unspoken words hung in the air, but Tighnari was in no mood to chase them down now. Instead, he rolled to face Cyno once again, trying to allow himself comfort. He deserved that, didn’t he?

              “She’s lost a lot of weight, Cyno. And is still losing more.  When I pick her up I swear she weighs the same as when she was a child. The stitches are barely healing, she doesn’t talk. I just, I don’t know what is going on in her head. If she would just talk to us, I may be able to help. But whatever they did to her has left her so damaged she is just…Lost to us.” Tighnari refused to say their name, the organization that inflicted such damage on his child. The image of the “doctor” that did this to her still plagued his dreams. 

               “ If you had only made it a day earlier I might have left some of her behind for you.”

                Tighnari’s hands flew to his ears, tail tucked between his legs, teeth grit as emotions rolled through him. Rage, sorrow, frustration, it slammed into him like waves. One after the other, and he was so close to drowning. 

                “She is not lost, but maybe we need a new approach.” Cyno’s gentle voice broke through his covered ears, and Tighnari slowly dropped his hands, willing his rage to ebb away. 

                “What I mean is-. Tigh, maybe we should look for outside help.” He was right, he was right, but why did this feel like giving up? Like Tighnari had failed as doctor, father, protector. 

                “Think about it, Mondstat has good memories for Collei, yes? Amber is there, one of her first and best friends. The scenery might be a nice change of pace as well. There, we can get more help as well. There’s the nuns who are renowned for their healing magic. From my limited time there, I’ve seen them perform what I can only describe as miracles. 

                 He was right, Cyno was right, they needed help. Tighnari, Cyno, they both needed a break. 

               “Cyno, we don’t know if Collei can survive the trip to Mondstat, it's a long way with rough travel. It's the rainy season, who knows how the roads will behave?” 

               Cyno appeared to be gearing up for a counterpoint, but he never had the chance to state his retort. 

              A smash, and the sound of shattering against wood. 

             Tighnari was up in an instant, his hand flying to the bedside table. He didn’t have his bow, but he did have a candlestick, which would have to be close enough for now. Cyno moved faster, leaving behind purple streaks in Tighnari’s retinas as he ran through the small hut, soon landing at the bathroom door. Cyno moved to open the door, but it was locked. 

              “ No, no no no no no.” A whispered prayer left Tighnari’s lips as Cyno once again juggled the knob, but they heard nothing from beyond the door, nothing but a crunch, then another.

              “Collei, sprout, open the door.” Cyno’s voice was even, professional, Tighnari was certain if he tried to speak his words would be choked out by the heart that was pounding in his throat. 

              “Stand away from the door, Collei!” Without waiting for a reply they both knew would not come, Cyno leveled his shoulder against the door, huffing with effort as he pushed his weight. 

               One try. 

               Two tries. 

               More crunching from within the bathroom. 

               A soft cry now, barely loud enough to be heard. A small gasp and hiccup quick behind. 

                Cyno dropped his shoulder away from the door, adjusted, and then slammed square on the knob with more effort than any of the others, using the ball of his foot. Archons, that hurt. Finally, the soft wood around the hinges gave away, and the door was hanging off. 

                 The first thing Tighnari could see was blood. 

                  “ Archons .” 

                   Collei sat in a pile on the floor, face against the wood, around her was shattered glass. It was everywhere, on her hands, the floor, her hair, the mirror's blank base formed a stark hole in the interior of the bathroom. 

                 He was going to be sick, hold it together, he was a doctor , he had to-

                 He was leaning on the doorframe for support, he could barely move. 

                 Move damn it. 

                Move.

               Cyno beat him to it, grabbing a towel and using it to wrap Collei’s hands together, applying pressure. Bandage or binding, Tighnari couldn’t be sure. 

                Surely she didn’t do this on purpose, she wouldn’t, he would know if she was, if things were- if-

                 “Tigh, help me sweep up the glass, I can handle her bandages.” Cyno carefully pulled Collei to him, Tighnari moving aside to let him take her to an area of the bathroom without shards everywhere, placing her thin frame in the bathtub. The thing seemed to swallow her whole, Tighnari only being able to see her head, and the quickly staining towels around her arms.  

                “Okay, just, just oh archons, just.” 

                “I’ve got this, dear. I need you to get the glass up off the floor.” Numbly, Tighnari obeyed, sweeping glass up with a broom, listening to Cyno’s questioning as he bandaged Collei’s wounds. 

                 “Was this an accident, Collei?” Soft words, accompanied with the sound of antiseptic being opened. Much longer and they would run out. 

                  Soft words they could barely hear over the sweeping of glass. 

                  “Yes. I fell.” 

                   Yes, she fell. That had to be the truth. She was so weak lately, and-

                  “Tell me the truth, sprout, please .” 

                   “...I don’t like the reflection. I wanted to be rid of it. And then I fell.” 

                    Tighnari stopped sweeping the glass, looking over at Collei as her arms were bandaged and wrapped firmly, Cyno then sliding her into his arms, setting her down close to him. She was so small, she was almost swallowed up in this small white and red room. 

                  The glass was gone now, but Tighnari kept the broom on hand, and kept sweeping up the nonexistent glass. With enough time spent sweeping, he could evade what was going on right now, the horrible anxiety that was rising in his chest. 

                 “What do you mean you wanted to be rid of the reflection Collei? That’s you, sprout.” Nothing followed this, and Tighnari resigned himself to not having any further answers. Finally, a soft voice broke the quiet. 

                “I’m sorry. The-, it, was-.” Collei paused, searching for words.

                “I wanted it gone.” 

                Tighnari finally set down the broom, swallowing thickly before sliding down beside Cyno and Collei, resting his head on Cyno’s shoulder. If he closed his eyes, and listened to the quiet, maybe everything would be okay. 

                  Some day. 

Chapter Text

            A perfect swaying breeze swept across the grassy hillside, the sea of green grass bending to the wind's whims. The only interruption in this vast expanse of green was the eruption of small purple roses, sprinkled across the fields and down to the rivers below. The air was crisp and warm, not yet thick with the damp of the wet season. 

             This was Sumeru in her favorite time of year. When the monsoons had calmed, and the true heat of the dry season had yet to begin. Everything was a thick and lush green, as if the entire hill was brushed over with an artist's gaze, giving it life and vitality. It was absolutely perfect, and something that brought Collei so much peace. 

             Things were…Nice here. 

            After all, she deserved this, didn’t she? 

            Wait, why did she think that? What was so wrong with her life to make her feel such relief at this scenery? She has always lived here, hasn't she? Everything has always been this perfect, and her worries were nothing more than a black cloud at the edge of her mind, easily blown away. 

             If she lived here long enough, maybe she would even be able to forget that the black cloud at the edge of her mind exists at all. 

            “Collei?” A voice called to her from amongst the flowers, and suddenly, cecilia flowers began to spot the ground around her as she sat up, gathering her white robed gown to her hands to aid in running. 

             “Hello?!” Collei’s voice called out across the field, and yet she saw no one. No other sound, until finally, another voice called out to her from amidst the flowers. Scattered at her feet lay Sumeru roses, and she carefully picked her way through the patch to avoid trampling her favorite flower. The voice called again, and she turned, trying to pinpoint the location of the voice, it seemed to echo all around her, despite being in an open field. Her only clue was the sound of light footsteps in otherwise vacant silence. 

              “There you are! We have been looking for you forever!"

              Dad. 

               Collei turned on her heel, running through the field of flowers, nearly leaping into her dads arms. Tighnari nearly stumbled, but managed to stay upright as she hugged his waist, burying her face into his scarf. 

               Warm grass, sunshine, and memories of archery practice were held in that scarf. Her arms stung as she gripped him tight, almost indiscernible whispers in the wind whispered lies that she refused to hear. 

            Collei buried herself deeper into her fathers arms, blocking the wind from her face, her ears, until nothing remained but the cushion of his scarf, blocking out the world. 

            “Whoa, now! What brought this on?” 

              Flashes of needles, sand, destruction, snakes, and the Doctor's leering smile ran through her mind, but Collei simply hugged her dad tighter, allowing the feeling of his scarf to envelop her mind. Tears flowed freely, the clothes she pressed on her face quickly becoming damp. The air became slightly colder, and the memories that caused her pain began to dim. 

              Collei blinked,  the chill down her spine easing away. 

              Sand? Needles? 

             Why was she crying? 

             Happiness, that's why. What other reason did she have to cry, her life was perfect.

            “Nothing, just….Grateful to have you as my dad.” His lighthearted laughter was exactly as she remembered it, how long had it been since she had heard that sound? Her dad, this day, was perfect in every way, and yet somehow, the thought made her throat tighten, just a little. 

            “Well, I am going to assume you haven’t done anything to get into trouble, although you have been missing. Come on, your father and everyone else are waiting.”

             That's right, he had mentioned that before, only, surely nothing could be wrong in this place? 

             Yes, it was perfect. Janus had all but promised it would be perfect.

             Who was that person again? Janus? No, she should focus on the now, not the mystery person at the edge of her mind.  It would be pointless to get distracted.

             All she had to do was let herself be enveloped in this sweet dream. 

            “Is, is Amber okay?” Creeping unease made its way through her voice, and Tighnari gently pushed her back, ruffling her hair fondly. 

           “Yes, silly, she’s fine! She is just too ambitious with that hide and seek game the Mondstat people are so fond of, what do they call it again?” His ears twitched, deep in thought as he sought the unfamiliar world. 

            Collei laughed, starting to walk down the trail. 

            “You mean wind trace?” Tighnari snapped his fingers, trailing behind her. 

            “Yes, that's the word! Well, you know how competitive she is, and how skilled she is with her gliding. She could be anywhere, so I hope you’re ready for a long game.” 

Collei’s eyes glanced back at the now faded sounds of despair, before she turned away, heading deeper into the field with her dad. Nothing would be allowed to ruin this.

            “Yeah, I am.” 

                                                                                                                       *******

             “Tigh, she needs help.” Cyno’s voice was persistent, calm, trying to soothe his nerves, which if his shaking hands were any tell, were not going to be easily soothed. 

             “Yeah, no shit Cyno.” Tighnari glanced at his husband, ears flattening against his head. 

             “I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.” Cyno’s hand caught Tighnari as he tried to wrap his arms around himself, a nervous habit he hadn’t done in a long time. 

             “Don’t take all of this on yourself Tighnari. You can’t be everything at once. Her dad, her therapist, her doctor. It’s too much. You need this as much as she does.” 

              He was right, of course he was right. Cyno was great at being the voice of reason, even when sometimes it caught people off guard or seemed impersonal. No, there was nothing impersonal about the look in his husband's eyes. 

              Cyno was as badly shaken up as he was, and it took a lot for the man to get rattled, especially more for such to become as visible as it is. 

              Then again, seeing your daughter with bloody arms amidst a halo of broken glass would do that. Tighnari took a deep breath, glancing over into Collei’s room. They had left the door wide open, which she barely protested against. No, she had simply crawled into bed and went to sleep, no hint of the bathroom on her conscience, no hint of anything behind her dulled purple eyes, closed shut in an eerily heavy sleep. Tighnari had heard the moniker of being dead to the world, but he grew worried about just how heavy of a sleep Collei seemed to be lately. He approached the door carefully nonetheless.

              Tighnari took a few seconds to count her breaths. 

              To make sure her chest rose and fell. 

              To make sure she was alive. 

              “ Archons .” Tighnari bent over his knees, holding his head in his hands. Their normal life seemed like an eternity ago, the joy of the adoption was all but a distant memory now. Just a few years ago, she had come to this place, and now she was their daughter. He had never expected to be a dad. Not really. 

                He knew he would be a teacher to the young girl that came to their care, and that remained. He was also her doctor, but that was fair enough, considering he was the only doctor in the village. He would nurture her, help her to grow strong, fill her belly with food to stave off the malnutrition that Cyno wrote of with such assurance. All of this he had prepared himself for, with each letter Cyno sent about his and the mystery child's progress, Tighnari prepared himself to be what this child needed. 

                He did not prepare himself to be a father, but then, who really can prepare for that? You can read all the parenting books in the world, talk to your own parents for advice, listen to the advice of your peers, but at the end of the day you don’t become a true father until your child enters the picture, you step up for them, their future, and be the one they have no fear relying on.

                Collei didn’t come to them through blood and birth, but Tighnari knew he was a father the moment she knocked on their bedroom door, seeking comfort in the dead of night. That scared face, the fear etched into the lines of her face, her thin frame gently shaking, fight or flight in shuddering breaths. Tighnari would have done anything to shield her from the world that caused such features in one so young. 

               Would do anything to protect someone so young and dear to him. 

              The sentiment remained. 

              Collei was their daughter, and she needed her dads. Tighnari straightened up, squaring his shoulders. 

              “Okay, we will go to Mondstat.” 

                                                                                                                    ****

                He would have expected some sort of pushback from his daughter, any sort of protest against traveling halfway across Teyvat, but there was none. So, now that left Cyno packing up his and her luggage, packing clothes he knew she liked and were comfortable. Into the bag went her brown tunic, gray leggings and an extra nightgown. Next went in some loose and comfortable trousers, a white blouse, and other garments. He reached for a spot of green in her wardrobe, and drew back something familiar and well loved. 

               Her stuffed cat, the one he picked up for her so long ago in Liyue, Cuilen-Anbar. After all this time, she still had the toy. Perhaps well loved was underselling the care taken in maintaining the elderly stuffed companion. The years had not been kind to the poor cat, but time still told the story of tender care. Large, wobbly puckered stitches told of the first few injuries the cat sustained during its time in younger hands. Through the years the toy picked up more scars and wounds, which were each stitched by an increasingly confident seamstress. The toy was whole, but it would never be the same toy that he picked up all those years ago. The base of it was long gone, made into something entirely original. 

              Stress threatened to creep up behind him, but Cyno refused to let it overtake his mind. His hands laid the stuffed cat back down in the wardrobe and gently shut the doors, keeping his mind on the mission. She had enough clothes, and looking through old memories was not doing him any favors. No, he had to be strong now, had to keep an eye out for both of them. Basically everything he had told Tighnari to stop doing.  

              How often did people listen to their own advice anyway? He could say to take care of yourself, to keep an eye out for your own mental health and wellbeing, but in these circumstances? No, normal rules don't apply, they couldn’t. Not when his daughter had smashed a mirror in an attempt-

               No. 

               He wasn’t going to think about that anymore. They were going to Mondstat, they had a plan, and he would see it through to the end. 

                “Tighnari, are you all packed up and ready?” He called to their bedroom, hearing a slight shuffling from within the doorway. 

                “Yes, just about, dear. How is it on your end?” Cyno shrugged as if Tighnari could see him from the other room.

                “Well enough. Do you think Collei is actually saying goodbye like we asked her to?” The trip was going to be a long one, they would take as much time as was needed to get her the help she needed, and so a few farewells were in order. Marion and the forest watchers had agreed to watch their house while they were gone, even if the idea of Collei leaving again had made Amir burst into tears. He had missed her more than they realized, and now they were about to leave again, which to a growing boy about to turn six, was not very fair at all. 

                  None of this was very fair. 

                 “Who can say. She doesn't say very much these days after all. Let’s just go and pick her up.” Cyno shouldered his duffel bag, prepared for the long trek to Mondstat. 

                   A soft knock at the door disturbed his thinking, and he moved across the room silently, half expecting to see Marion with Collei in tow, or perhaps Amir. 

                  He was certainly not expecting to see the Traveler, and Paimon. 

             “I…If you came to see Collei, I am afraid that she is out at the moment. She is supposed to be seeing her friends here. We are getting ready to leave.” 

              The Traveler and Paimon shared an uncomfortably heavy glance, before Paimon broke the silence, pushing her index fingers against each other nervously. 

               “About that…We, uh, we need your help.” Cyno gripped the doorframe, resisting the urge to turn away. They knew what Collei had been through, what could possibly be more important than being with their daughter right now? Collei still bore the scars of the mirror, there was no way he, or Tighnari for that matter, could leave her alone.

                  But, then again, debts had to be repaid, favors returned. This was the Traveler, surely it was something important. They had seen how Collei behaved when she was first rescued, and surely they did not think she was stable enough for them to leave for missions after a mere few weeks? 

              “It’s important, Cyno. We need your help to overthrow the Sages.” 

               Confusion and disbelief flashed through his mind, making Cyno feel as if his brain might short circuit. Sure, it was the next logical step, but now? The Traveler wanted them to do something this critical , when they were exhausted, emotionally and physically? 

               None of them had a propers night's rest in weeks, how could they be expected to fight? 

               But then. 

               Cyno felt his rough fingernails pressing into the flesh of his palm, he was clenching his fist so tight it hurt. A glance at his slowly unwinding fingers and he found four soft crescent indents in his palm. 

               The chance to get back at the people who sold out his daughter to the Fatui? 

               Cyno chuckled bitterly, watching the soft glow of electricity dance across his fingertips. 

              “What do you need us to do?” 

             It was a risky plan if he had ever heard one, and seemed to rely on both people Cyno trusted immensely, and some whom he could not bring himself to trust at all. Namely, Al Haitham. But, if it meant getting back at the Sages, he was willing to work with anyone. Even… Him . Archons, that man was insufferable. Cyno supposed it could not be helped.

              By this point, Tighnari had joined him at the doorframe, leaning on its wooden pillar like a cane, seeking either grounding or support to hold him up. Tighnari was exhausted, Cyno couldn’t ask him to join them, but as soon as he saw his husbands eyes, he knew what he had decided. 

              “When do we leave?” 

                                                                                                                *******

               Janus was not quite used to the smaller humans, but this one was fond in Collei's memories, Amir. So, they would do what they could to give the little creature a proper sendoff before they left for Mondstat, taking their vessel's body with them. Truly, perhaps smashing the mirror was hasty, but what else were they to do? Every day their vessel became weaker, but Janus grew more in tune with the functions of both their power and commanding their body. The more Collei stayed in her dream world, the more Janus gained power in this realm, and this reality that was both foreign yet familiar. They simply had to figure out how to control this power, to allow themselves to blend in as a teenage girl, and eat enough to sustain their form. 

               But for now, food turned to ash in their tongue, and their steps were weak and uncertain as they followed behind the young boy, wandering down a forest path that perhaps was familiar to their vessel, but seemed rather winding and bothersome to Janus.

                Living with the rules of such trivial things as three dimensions, gravity, and physics. It really was bothersome. The constant sensation of being upside down was not easy to tune out either, this plane an inverse of the one they used to call home. Janus turned around at the sound of a soft female voice that they recognized as Marion. They were close to the village, having only walked far enough to reach the entrance to the village proper. There, they had paused to rest for a moment, and to allow Amir to scamper around them, trying to pick flowers that the boy thought would amuse Collei. 

                “Collei! Hold on, let me come to you dear.” The woman called as Janus started to rise from their seat on a mostly flat rock. They sat back down, Marion sliding next to them but not touching Collei, likely out of fear of triggering the child. The woman’s eyes swept over their vessels arms, covered in bandages, and she spoke softly. 

               “Collei, sweetie…How are you doing?” 

                 Deception was a mask Janus wore well, lies came as naturally as breathing air. Well, actually, breathing wasn't very intuitive to them. Neither was walking. As well as this, anything.

                 Regardless.

                “Yes, I’m doing well…As well as I can be.” A normal platitude or white lie that every human told, followed by a small seed of truth. After all, Collei was doing much better, tucked away into the world of her own creation, slowly leaving the troubles of this one behind. 

                 Such a rose colored dream. 

               “I see. Dear, you know that you can tell me anything, right? I know it can be hard to talk about these things, and I know your fathers are doing their best to talk you through what you went through.” Marion took a breath, finally placing a gentle hand on Collei’s shoulder. 

                The touch was light on their shoulders, but it was as if the woman was pressing an anvil to their shoulder. An anchor to this realm, a mothers touch, might bring Janus to their knees, overwhelming vertigo causing the ash in their throat to rise up and almost choke each breath they took.

                Still, they would have to bear this human display of affection, as the mirror incident showed them last night. 

               “But I also know that it can be hard to talk about certain things with your fathers, or parents in general. If you wish to tell me anything, anything at all, please just let me know.” No, they couldn’t speak, couldn’t spill their secrets to this person. It was antithetical to their nature, like a scorpion choosing to not strike the frog. 

                 An impossible task for one such as themself. 

               “Thank you, but it's hard to talk about these things….I, I would like to go for a walk now.” Janus was careful to stumble their words mid sentence, and that seemed to have the desired effect. They stood up a bit unsteady, Marion rising with them. 

              “Let me join you-”

             “No.” Realizing this may seem a bit harsh, Janus softened the word. 

              “No, thank you. I need some alone time.” 

               Marion was clearly not comfortable with this request, but then what was she to do? Deny the wishes of the fragile, traumatized, tortured teenage girl before her? Was she capable of such cruelty?

               “Okay, just, promise me that you won’t leave the village borders, and come in before nightfall, do you understand?” 

             “Yes, thank you.” Janus glanced down to see a smiling cherub-like face peering up at them. Amir tapped their knees, then reached out for their hand. 

             “I’ll go with you, Collei!” Marion began to speak, to dissuade the child, but Janus allowed to grasp their palm, his hand not quite closing around Collei’s hand.

              How quaint. Janus felt their chest tighten with a strange feeling. 

             Yes, that would be attachment. Collei thinks of Amir as adorable, and this would be sure to have solicited a kinder response if she was the one here to see Amir’s beaming eyes.

              “It’s fine Marion, I do not mind him joining me.” Amir beamed up at his mother, who sighed, weariness written across her forehead. Janus noticed, with an odd twinge, that they had not lied, just then. 

               “As long as you are sure, Collei, Amir! Stay with her and don’t run off, listen to what she tells you, okay?” Amir hummed in response, and Marion took this as an agreement. 

              “Good. I will see you both back here tonight.” Sharp eyes seemed to say a nd I won’t take no for an answer . Perhaps Marion knew more than she was letting on, or perhaps it was maternal instinct after seeing the bandages on their arms. Regardless, they would have to comply for now. 

             “Yes, of course. Thank you. Let’s go, Amir.” The boy dropped their hands, and began to walk ahead, waving one more time at his mother before they reached a bend in the trail and they were out of sight of the village. 

              Sure steps now, they couldn’t afford another injury. Slowly but steadily, they were getting a handle on walking on such weak and injured legs, but any progress was good enough for Janus. Indeed, it felt like things were two steps forwards and one step back. 

               “Miss. Collei, what happened to you?” Amir stared up at them, wide eyes speaking of true innocence, no inkling as to what those words could have done to the true Collei if she had heard them. 

               Janus however, was fine, and kept walking down the trail, unbothered by human emotions such as anxiety, fear, love, attachment. 

               Mostly. 

                “The Fatui are bad people Amir.” That much was true, and while Janus did not understand human emotions, they knew better than to traumatize a small human like Amir. Mothers, they knew, were quite protective of the little creatures. 

                “They took me away from the village for a long time. I got hurt. Now, I'm back.” Amir stared up at Janus for a moment, small legs taking wide strides to keep up with Collei’s own steps, a limp hindering Janus. 

                “Mom cries a lot now.” Janus paused then, standing in front of a collection of stumps and old trees, right in the fork of the path. They picked the right side, and continued their walk into the forest. In the distance small plumes of smoke spoke of civilization, perhaps adventurers? 

                 “Why?” Janus slowed their pace, allowing the child to mull over his words. The air was crisper here, the thick foliage of the forest above blocking out much of the sun, which began to crest for sunset. Small slivers of light fought past the dense leaves and thick tree limbs, casting the forest floor in a warm orange glow, the small halos of light illuminating the path like the back of a koi fish. 

                 Perhaps the human world was nicer than they remembered. Even if it did have gravity the wrong way up. They had only mostly gotten used to the constant vertigo of being upside down.

                 “Mom says she missed you. She cried a lot when you were gone with the f-fa-fatuies.”

                 “Fatui.” 

              “Mhm!” Amir paused again, concentrating as the trail took a steeper turn down a hill, and they both focused on their balance. Finally, the child spoke again, trying to process emotions far too adult for what they had to normally deal with. 

               “She says she doesn’t like seeing you hurt.” Another human, another person concerned with the well being of a child that was not even their own flesh and blood. Human relationships were something so, well, strange. Not in the least bit logical. Cyno and Tighnari loved each other, yet they were beginning to argue. Marion was not Collei’s own family, but she mourned for the girl. Amir was a child who looked up to a frail girl as an absolute role model. 

                 Janus had a lot to learn, it seemed. They released the child's hands, allowing Amir to walk ahead, crouching down and almost teetering over as he examined a patch of mushrooms growing under the shade of a rather large tree. 

                 “Oh, I see…Thank you.” Was that the correct response? No, it didn’t seem to be the right thing to say, but then humans were so…Grey. Lies were so much easier. Language was also muddier now, some things meaning others when said the right or wrong way. The humans integrated their own lies into their language, and for that, Janus had to admit they were slightly impressed. 

               “I’m gonna pick these!” And just like that, their intense and rather uncomfortably emotional discussion was over, as Amir became distracted by a patch of Sumeru roses and sweet flowers. 

             Janus craned their neck, and cursed in an ancient tongue that sounded strangely close to a cough. These thick trees were saplings just a dozen feet tall back in their day, but were unmistakable  nevertheless. They had somehow dragged the child all the way to the “Apam Woods.” Janus knew the curvature of the land, but it would seem time has given this place a new name, according to the memories of Collei. There was no way that they would make it before the nightfall curfew. What was worse, they had an entire host of eyes upon them now. 

             Many, many eyes. Most harmless, one set more dangerous.

            They would start with the two closest to them then. 

             “Amir, come here.” Janus looked over, and blinked, head cocked to the side. Well, the creature was small, short, round faced, but they were fairly certain it wasn’t Amir. After all, this thing wore a wide hat and hosted green tinted skin, as well as an inquisitive, almost eerily wide smile. 

             “....Hello.” The creature seemed startled that they were seen, and attempted to run away, only to be greeted with a wall of its comrades, all staring at Janus with intrigue and not a little bit of surprise. The runner made a strange thunk noise as they collided with their.. Friends? Family?

               Janus crouched down, simply hoping they would be able to stand back up again. Perhaps Amir could help- ah, right, the child. They should probably look for them. Make sure that these little green fellows aren’t a threat first, of course. 

              Janus held up their hand towards the creatures, snapping two fingers to make a small burst of fire the size of their fist. Rather than attack, the things in front of them seemed terrified, and for the strangest second, Janus felt sorry for the creatures.

              Well, their little experiment had been a success anyway, they knew that they were still in the human world, their flames having acted as they normally would in this realm. That didn’t explain…. Them . 

             “Who are you?” Janus stared intently at the creature, until the largest one of the bunch hosting a small yellow flower on their wide brimmed hat scurried forwards, likely the boldest of the group of small green creatures. 

               “We are aranara, and I am Arakavi. You are…Not nara. But you are connected to Vanarana.” They paused, as if this explained everything. 

                It didn’t. 

               “Alright. My name is Collei.” The lie slipped out of their tongue easily, comfortably. The aranara, whatever they were, stared at them with pinpoint eyes. 

              “Have you seen a child, Amir?”

              “Hello not nara Collei! We have seen a small nara come by this way, he is by the riverbank.” The creature pointed to their left with a hilariously small stubby green appendage, and Janus nodded, hoisting themself up with considerable effort. 

              “Thank you.” 

               The creatures seemed content to watch them leave, and head towards the riverbank, where they meet with Amir, the boy completely unbothered as he gathered pebbles and placed them in his pockets. At the crunch of their steps on the trail the child halted, turning around as if caught doing something wrong. 

               “Collei! I, I’m sorry, I was coming right back!” 

               Janus tilted their head, cautiously stepping over branches and rocks to make their way to the wandering child. 

              "It's fine. Let's go Amir, I need to see.. One more thing..." Janus trailed off mid sentence as their thought drifted to observation instead of conversation. The child seemed….Perplexed by this response, and Janus decided to file that away to deal with it at a later time. For now, they really did need to get going back to the village. If they were to stay out here as it got dark, Janus was not sure they could walk safely in the night. They could barely walk with full light at their disposal. 

                Amir stood, brushing off his knees before holding his hand out patiently. Janus took the offered hand and they began their walk back towards the village, Amir helping Janus as much as Janus helped the small child. How strange, little humans were so pitiful, barely able to walk or defend themselves. Yet, there was a strange charm to that need for protection. Janus felt a certain protectiveness to this child, much like he felt with Collei. 

               Janus could adapt to anything, even children. Still, that didn’t mean Janus wasn’t going to take this opportunity to regain some of his previous power. Janus led them along the trail, just a little further into the woods, and there, he found it. A large tree trunk, soft peat and moss inside of its rotting core. Long ago this tree had been a little sapling that they had planted as a marker of sorts, now, Janus could only hope that time and weather had not worn their treasure away. 

                “Amir, sit down and watch, I need to dig.” Janus knelt on Collei’s bruised knees, not even thinking of their bandages that Cyno had wrapped so carefully as they began to dig into the soft rotten earth. As they dug, Amir seemed content to sit down, doodling lines in the soft earth with a twig. 

                When the bandages became brown as the dirt around them, Janus found what they were looking for. 

                 Finally .

                 Janus pulled out a small lead box, protected from time and weather alike, with a simple polish it still shone like silver. Janus looked at the box, and cracked it open with bated breath, finally sighing with relief as they saw their treasure inside. Three small ornamental seeds, barely the size of a sunsettia bloom, and yet they held so much power. Beside it was a deck of ornamental cards, MAJOR ARCANA. Janus looked at the card set and counted all present. 

                 Before the Archons, before the seven nations, before Teyvat itself Janus saw over deception itself, slithering like a snake out of any sticky situation. Thus, they survived, but time eroded their powers. Janus clenches their fist over the small box, biting their tongue. 

               What would the Janus of old say to the Janus of today? 

               Chained to this frail body, growing attachments to humans, barely able to hold a flicker of a flame compared to the vast and raging fires they used to control. With a flick of their hand a forest was gone, leaving behind nothing, not even ash. The only tell that Janus had been the cause would be the intense flash of heat felt for miles around. 

               Now they could barely walk. 

                It was….Frustrating. 

               “Collei…..Collei?....COLLEI?!” Amir’s voice grated their ears, close to the trunk of the tree where they crouched. 

                “ What ?”  Janus retoiled, stuffing the precious box into Collei’s satchel. Too harsh…

                “T….Tiger!” 

                  Pathetic. 

                  How did they not hear that from a mile away, the great lumbering beast that appeared to eye Amir with hungry eyes. 

                   Fine. It would make good target practice. 

              Janus whirled the child around to face the tree, grabbing a simple pebble off of the ground. They were not used to the art of archery, and so would have to rely on a power, something slight, not disturbing. That suited them just fine, as they raised back their arm as far as the girl's body could handle, and released the rock directly upwards. Condition one had been met. 

              Perhaps they should have held back, just a little. It might not return in time.

              The tiger was mid-pounce, and never even got a chance to bear its teeth as the rock descended back, and suddenly shot through the tiger's core, and out into the hill behind them. There the rock hit with a loud crash, the boom echoing off of the trees around them, deafening all the creatures within ear shot. The sonic boom finally finished reverberating, and Janus turned to check on Amir, noting with a bit of regret that the child’s ear seemed to be bleeding. 

                Half of Teyvat likely heard that shot. 

                Ah well. Can’t be helped now.

                “Amir, it’s safe now. Let’s go home.” Janus was only half certain they had said those words, a loud ring signaling tremendous hearing damage drowning out all other noise. The child nodded mutely, rubbing at his ear, and clearly trying to not cry as they began the long walk back to the village. Janus noted that the child was probably in pain. Neither said anything else, for what was there to say? Janus would have to make up some lie about how they were close to the source of the sound, but not actually the cause of the sound, which would hopefully be easy considering no one in their right mind would consider an emaciated teen as the cause of such an enormous crash. 

                 Probably. 

                  The walk to the village was quiet, all of the neighboring birds or other creatures having been startled away by the sonic boom left in the wake of their power. Amir kept rubbing his ears, and finally as they made it to the village, Marion came towards them, pace quick. 

                  “Are you two okay? I  don’t know what that was, but it sounded close!” Janus straightened their vessel, trying to appear confident as they placed a gentle hand on Amir’s shoulder. A warning or a plea for silence, depending on how hard they gripped the boy's shoulder. 

              Janus elected for a lighter touch. 

             “We’re fine, really. It scared us and we came right back.” Hopefully that sounded convincing enough, which it seemed to be as they were ushered into the hut rather than further interrogated. Inside a type of soup was bubbling on the stove. Marion's house was much more….Lived in, than that of their vessel. 

              Their hut showed the tender touch of a mother protecting the corners of tables, blankets folded over chairs and small toys gathered into baskets. Conversely, the hut showed the sign of a child. Clothing items scattered around, toys left abandoned on the ground. Janus put some thought into deducing the reason for the items being where they were, as a mental practice.

                Janus had to appreciate the duality of the home and its inhabitants. 

                "Collei dear, just make yourself comfortable. Amir! Why do you keep on doing that?" Marion’s voice was a mixture of exasperated and concerned, as she fussed over Amir's ears while Janus sat down at the table. They were glad for the break, this was the most walking Janus had done in a long time, and they would rather not dwell on how weak it had made their vessel. 

                " Amir?" Marion's voice was now hurried, more concern spreading through her words. 

                Marion began snapping into the air beside Amir’s ears, and finally, she stopped, turning to Janus. Janus realized that Marion was beginning to put the picture together. 

                This is bad. 

                “Collei, sweetie, how are your ears?” Concern edged through her tone, and also fear, as well as a third, indiscernible emotion. 

                  Perhaps Janus should have held back on their power. Yes, they defended the boy, but their power was still too unrefined and unpredictable after being unused and left to tarnish for so long. 

                 “They’re….Okay. I’m sorry.” And they were. Their cover might be blown now, and they would be cast out of their vessel, and then they both would die.

                 But then, Marion hugged them. 

                 This woman hugged them. 

                 “Oh thank goodness, you’re okay, I was so scared both of you were hurt. Don’t you two ever scare me like this again!” The woman released their vessel and turned to Amir, scooping him into her arms and gently wiping out his ears with a cloth. The blood had dried down on his lobes, but when she was done he appeared almost normal.

                “Tighnari will be back in a day or two, so we will have to wait for him to come back.” 

                 Obviously, she was not pleased with this action, but what other choice did they have?

                  “You’re staying here with me tonight, Collei.” Marions voice was firm, authoritative. 

                 “No, that's fine I mean-”

                  “I am not taking no for an answer, Collei.” Final, with no room for rebuttal.

                 Fine. 

                 “Okay, I can help you watch over Amir” Marion nodded, and led the child to his bed. Rest wouldn’t help burst eardrums, but what other choice did they have? Nothing else would help the child now, except time and the arrival of a skilled enough doctor. 

                  Janus did the best they could to help with chores around the house, appearing to integrate into this home, like Collei had done so easily many times before them. 

                  How did humans handle this expectation, every day of their life? 

                  Far worse, how did humans handle the intimate parts of life, like questions from a concerned parental figure. Questions like the one that Marion brought forth that night as they were folding the day's laundry, Amir fast asleep in his bed, screened in by a curtain. 

                 “Collei, tell me what happened with the explosion, what do you remember?” 

                 Lies flowed from their tongue like honey. 

                 “We were walking around the border of the village, when we heard the explosion. There was a blast of wind, and then everything went quiet. My ears hurt, and rang, and I knew Amir’s would be the same. We came back as soon as we could, I swear.” Janus used all of their knowledge they had eked out of Collei’s subconscious for this response, and they hoped it would be convincing enough. 

                 Marion was quiet, contemplating this answer, her hands folding up some towels as a few moments of quiet and calm passed between them. 

                 “I see. I am just glad you two were not hurt any worse than that, you have gone through so much already, Collei.” Marion eyed them from the side of her eye, and Janus’s stomach sank. They could not be fooled with their own brand of wordplay, and knew exactly where Marion was attempting to direct this conversation, or so they believed. They needed to find out her true intentions, and fast. Was Marion insinuating something, or was she actually attempting to console them?

                 Without them even noticing, Marion had unwrapped the soiled bandages, and was staring down at Collei’s hands, slowly wrapping them once again in pristine white cloth, freshly washed.. The tenderness in her gaze was downright disarming, and equally unsettling. She glazed her eyes over the numerous cuts on Collei’s hands and wrists, some minor scratches, some obviously fatal if they hadn’t been taken care of in time. Marion chose her next words.

                  “Would you like to talk about the mirror, Collei?” 

Toast notes: Janus is the venn diagram center of both gaslight gatekeep girlboss and mansplain manipulate malewife no I will not be answering questions

Chapter Text

            “The,  the mirror?” This was worse than bad, enough for Collei to,- No, Janus would not let that happen, not yet. It simply could not be afforded. The girl needed to fully accept her created Truth first, allow that world to truly sponge free the bad memories of this reality she leaves behind, and allow it to shrink further and further into her subconscious. 

               Only, how was Janus supposed to do that when people kept asking questions like this? 

                 They needed to talk it through, and lay the whole thing to rest.

                YOU ARE DEALT AN INDIVIDUAL OF EXCEPTIONAL CALIBER.

              CHOOSE YOUR NEXT ACTIONS CAREFULLY.

            Studying the sculpted smooth face of Marion, they propped their hands above the table, shifted their eyes from her nose to their vessel’s hands, applied the slightest frown, a gentle tilt of the neck down and to the left, lowered their eyelids a distance small enough to be measured in grains of sand, and adjusted their legs so that they were now bent underneath the chair. This is, as Janus understood, a “disapproving, regressive” body language display. They dearly hoped it would be enough to delay answering for at least a moment, long enough to discern the nature of this conversation that got out of hand far too fast. 

            Curling their right hand, and leveling their view with Marion once more, who now wore a look of curiosity and concern blended in equal parts, now expecting words. Perfect. 

             “.....” 

             “I would like some water first...Please” Janus was certain to scrape those words out as coarse as possible to drive home a guilty feeling into Marion, and judging by the peculiar way her look softened and flexed, she breathed slightly louder, hands twitched an inch, and with a creak of the chair, rose up from the table, eyes wandering elsewhere, a guilty look washing over her. 

            “Of course, dear. I’ll go get some.” Janus knew her smile was genuine, as she rose gently from the table that looked slightly out of place in the room it was in. Both too large and too small. Gentle footsteps away suggested that she believed Amir must be asleep by now. 

             Marion was out of sight before Janus processed just how much stress their vessel was in. Just from the subconscious of the conversation, they had failed to notice they were hyperventilating, sweating slightly, muscles beginning to shake when asked to move. A strange rash that began to numb their arms, legs, and chest began to latch, and for a moment Janus questioned if they had been poisoned. Grim realization that this was no poison dawned upon them, for it was the eleazar that Collei was born with, attacking them, most likely due to the stress either sustained earlier in the day, or from the stress much more recently with the conversation. It was far too much, far too quickly, far too dangerously. 

            Marion was taking an awfully long time to simply get water. After all, Janus spotted their water pail earlier, and even then, the river was essentially right next to them.

             They began to feel exceptionally light, while their stomach dropped to the floor. The sensation of being pulled in two different directions was nauseating.  Like the last chains anchoring them to the world were beginning to….. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. 

              Panic attacks were not something Janus had even thought of, and now they were fighting an invisible enemy that was making them feel as though they were dying, heart beating fast and uncontrolled.

              Were they having palpitations?

               All of this was compounded by the chronically lurking invisible enemy that was making their arms and legs numb. Janus fought to break through the oppressive haze to scan Collei’s memories. 

            They weren't quite ready when a memory from Collei’s younger years took over their thoughts, a disorienting flashback revealed that she had sneakily gotten ahold of one of Tighnari’s professional medical journals, convincing him that she was going out for a walk earlier in the day, when in reality, she yanked the book from his collection and was now holed up in her room. Collei convinced herself that surely he could not be mad that she was reading such advanced material, right? 

            She skimmed through it, lazily glossing over sections about treatment of poisonous mushroom ingestion, before her eyes widened, locking on to a page titled “Diagnosis of Eleazar, Symptoms.” The memory told Janus that Collei was terrified to read this page, barely able to do so in the first place. She pushed past her fear, evident to Janus in the memory that she was already beginning to tear up and breathe a bit too fast. Hands hesitantly brought the next page forwards, and Collei attempted her best to read the terror in front of her.

               The recollection was disorienting. Not exactly what was word for word in the book, but rather, all the information that Collei absorbed from it, beamed directly into their thoughts.

                Eleazar caused neurological symptoms and damage. Minor ones were small disruptions to motor control, things like muscles not quite following where you want them to go, constant shivering, occasional ticks or jerks, a slight numbness with an occasional rash that could be mistaken for eczema. Major disruptions are more in line with what was happening now, mass muscle shutdown or paralysis, loss of adequate body temperature control, mass numbness or complete loss of any feeling, a violent rash tearing up skin with a scaly appearance that occasionally bleeds and has a high chance of infection, and including loss of constitution, lung failure, heart failure, coma, death. 

                 Suddenly, a voice called out in the memory. 

                 “Collei?” Ah, it was Tighnari. He had entered the house, presumably hearing her breathing out of control. Collei saw him, no longer hid her distress, and began wailing, only interrupted by her rapid pace of breathing. She curled herself up into a ball on the floor, and Tighnari got down to her level, her sobbing still pacing too fast. 

            A slurry of what probably was supposed to be words flooded out from a teary face.

           “Euueuneubeeueeezaar” A sharp shaky breath followed. “Eeeeeehkiiimeeeeheeeh”

            The memory did not get a glance of Tighnari’s face, but Janus imagined it must be a face of hurting. Somehow, Tighnari  made sense of the noises coming out of Collei's mouth, Janus inferring he saw the book and connected the dots. 

             “No, Collei. You will not die. I’m giving you preventative treatment for your Eleazar, and it won’t get any worse. You will not die.”

               It did not seem to be sufficient, as Collei turned to face Tighnari, and then propelled herself in the opposite direction using her feet, sliding across the floor before bumping into the wall right next to her dresser. She put her head back down like she couldn't stand to look at that man. Janus swore that Tighnari looked somehow more hurt than a moment ago. 

                A rash scream of more word soup flew out at a much higher speed, tears and snot getting in the way.

            “EUUKNEEEuuu!” 

             “EUNEUannhudidntehmeeeh!”

            It was accusatory in nature, Janus knew that much. 

            Before Janus could attempt to fully decipher the words, Tighnari proved to be one step ahead yet again. Was this a reflection of how well Tighnari knows her, truly?

             “Yes. Eleazar has the potential to hurt you a lot when treated wrong, or not treated at all.”

             “And, yes, I knew that. I didn’t tell you, because..” A falter of words..? From Tighnari? Janus was most interested yet again. 

            “I didn’t want to scare you for no reason, Collei, not when I am starting your preventive medicine. You've lived through situations worse than anyone grown or not should have to, seen things I can't even begin to fathom how scary and painful it must have been.”

           Collei peered up from her own arms, reddened with tears and damp from the humidity of the forest and fast breathing. Oh yeah, and the crying. Her breathing had slowed down back to normal, and her still glazed eyes stared at Tighnari, who was now seated two very distant feet away, out of courtesy. Her now practically tomato red face still had tears hitting the floor below it. 

           Tighnari visibly steeled himself, breathing slowly in, then out, which signaled Collei to follow. They sat there, breathing in and out. The birds outside chirped without a care, clouds overhead drizzling slightly, or the noise it made against the tree leaves indicated as much. After a moment of nothing but breathing at a normal pace, and a look of shame on Collei’s face, Tighnari spoke.

            “You're strong, Collei. Way stronger than Eleazar. I’ll find a way to get rid of it. I promise you. I won't let you die. I can’t. You mean a lot to everybody here in the village.” Janus could clearly tell that Tighnari wanted to say how much Collei meant to him as his daughter, but he refrained. Was it out of caution, not wanting to spur old, bad memories? Or was the man himself afraid of rejection again?  

             Collei herself was paying very close attention to the man in front of her. She already knew in her heart that he was not a threat, but her brain still had not caught up, not entirely used to trusting anyone to help, especially in times of vulnerability. 

           Janus read Tighnari’s expression, and determined that Tighanri had an accurate read on the situation. All Tighanri had to do was make Collei get up on her own now, and she would feel a lot better afterwards, crying all the hurt out and leaving it behind in the dirt where it belonged, next to someone she knew cared for her, in somewhere she knew was safe. 

            Tighnari cracked a wide, but not at all malignant smile. The type of wide smile when Tighnari thinks of a solution so perfect he can't help but humor himself. It was obvious that was meant to draw Collei’s attention, as she quickly followed up with a “Wh-What's so funny?”. Normally, a man standing in the middle of a room, donning a wide smile would have terrified her, freezing her in place. But, no. She had grown, and it had been about three years since she first arrived. 

             “Nothing, only, I seem to remember a time when you were too stubborn to cry in front of me. Oh how times have changed, hmm?” 

           Collei knew Tighnari would never hurt her, and she needed to give him a piece of her mind for teasing her while she was down. 

          “T-that’s not the only thing, I’ll show you that I’ve gotten stronger!” She shot up and threw herself into him as fast as she could muster in the short gap between them, wrapping her arms around him, and leveraging Tighnari completely off the ground. His short and sharp “Wha!” could not save him from his fate. It was a sight to behold, to Cyno, who walked in while speaking only to watch his husband get Bastita Bombed by a thirteen year old, much less their adoptive daughter. 

           “Collei, I brought you some Tandoori roast chi-” THUD!

           Whatever Cyno was going to say was promptly thrown out by his ensuing laughing fit. Hands on his sides, curling on the ground, making noises more reminiscent of a seal short of breath versus a person imitating laughter. It only further embarrassed the now radiating Collei.

            “ Aeugh” was the best pronunciation of the noise that escaped Tighnari as he re-gathered his bearings after being suplexed by his daughter that was a fair bit smaller… Wait, no. Roughly the same size as him. She had grown taller, and stronger. Her skin was no longer sand pale, and her eyes had a deep purple vibrancy that seemed to stretch on into the distance, boundless. A far cry from how she was the first year in the village. Still not on par with most kids her age for physical development, but malnutrition stunts long term growth as much as it did short term, and Tighnari wasn’t exactly massive either. 

             Gathering his strength, Tighnari leveraged Collei off of him, who had gone completely deadweight out of embarrassment in front of Cyno.  

          “Perfect timing, Cyno. Another five minutes and I think I wouldn't have survived.” 

           The snark was loaded all over the sentence like high explosives, and Collei let out a low growl in disapproval, still face down on the floor, and probably not moving anytime soon. 

           Tighnari hunched down, head tilted for a moment before he chuckled once again, helping the tween to rise to a sitting position, and then helped her to her feet. 

          “Now, now, you did well, Collei. Next time just don’t break your back to prove a point.” Tighari paused, and then his voice became gentler, sincere. 

          “You have gotten much stronger Collei. Give yourself credit for that.” 

          Janus suddenly reeled their mind out of the memory, back to reality, to the present.

            How dangerous that was. They dove head first and nearly drowned. They had the information they needed, but the sweetness of the memory was intoxicating, begging them to live the good days one more time, just a little longer. Is that the type of sweetness in all of a human's positive memories? Janus felt like the more they learned, the less they knew. Nonetheless, they did learn about Eleazar, and it wasn’t looking good long term. More importantly, it was looking even worse short term. 

             Having your vessel be the one holding you hostage was a situation Janus had thought over countless times, dealt with even more. 

            Never in this manner, though.

             It was all far too much. Janus deduced that this current predicament was not a reaction of their own constitution, but rather, their vessel. Even though Collei herself is nowhere near reality, it seems as though her body reacts like her anyways. What a headache… Literally, a headache now. They would also describe it as a “pain in the ass,” but they were fairly certain they could not feel that either at the moment. 

            Sweat that they felt rolling down them a moment ago now went numb. A chilled breeze through the hut became, nothing. Nothing at all. They knew the air was still moving, but they couldn't feel it moving over them. 

            Before they knew it, they suddenly found themselves slipping away, numbness taking over where thought should reside. Actions ceased, and gravity took over. Their head suddenly was level with the table, and then the rest of them, suddenly level with the floor. The worst part is that the blows to the head did not knock them unconscious. They were still able to see everything going on. Demanding their arms to move, there was nothing. Demanding their legs to move, there was nothing. Demanding their eyes to move, nothing. They were deaf, numb, and completely paralyzed, all in the span of…. 30 seconds. It had only been 30 seconds since Marion left the table. 

             Janus attempted to focus their peripheral vision where they could, with what little consciousness they had remaining in this moment. Just barely able to move the eyes, just barely able to breathe. Just barely enough to survive. Breathe harder, louder. Sound distressed. Call to attention anyone who might have heard you fall. 

             Janus stopped breathing as they saw their deck of cards, the MAJOR ARCANA, now splattered all over the floor like a gutted rodent. And before them, laying perfectly upright on a leg of the chair they could now not tear their eyes away from, was a card. 

            MAJOR ARCANA III

            THE EMPRESS

             Absolutely no chance. No way. Not possible. Inconceivable. 

             They were hyperventilating again. Janus barely consciously thought to themselves that maybe if they did so fast enough they too could escape from this hell unfolding before them. Splattered across the ground, absolutely helpless, the fate of the world tying together right in front of them. 

              That was an issue for later. 

             Janus tuned back into the world with their ears, and heard just how loud they were breathing. In response, it seems they successfully managed to garner some attention, but from what direction was uncertain. Light, small footsteps gave away the person as Amir, the boy walking very carefully, not sure what to make of the situation he saw before him, his face one of grave confusion. 

             Janus turned their eyes to the very bottom of their sockets to spot Amir. And oh, damn it all, it got worse. Because it just had to get worse. Being dead and damned for thousands of years wasn't bad enough, apparently. Janus was now thinking out loud, or so they believed, but the numb mouth they believed to still be vaguely attached to their also numbed face they had no confirmation was there anymore did not move to match. Right up against the couch, lay another card. Upright, as the one before it was. There was no swear word to match how upset they were.

            MAJOR ARCANA ZERO

            THE FOOL

           Amir walked closer, beginning to realize the situation at hand, arms beginning to move in pre-action, mouth open, possibly preparing to say something. Janus fought to rise from the ground, to throw their arms anywhere, to perform any sort of movement besides disheveled breathing, and there was nothing, their body weighed down by the thin air itself. If Amir, a six year old boy, wanted them dead, there was nothing Janus could do to stop him. What an end that would be. 

            However, it seemed as though fate had differing ideas about the cruelty that Janus once was accustomed to. Amir kept their eyes glued to Collei, and then began speaking out loud. 

            “Collei, can you hear me?” Amir spoke, with an evidently shaky, and loud voice. Barely keeping together.

           Janus could not respond. So they breathed unevenly, so unevenly their vessels' lung muscles tilted them off the floor, rising up and down. Janus knew as soon as they regained feeling that it was going to hurt, bad. Their entire rib cage was probably either on fire, shattered, or both. It seemed to be a sufficient answer, as Amir’s face construed a peculiar look that Janus had never seen before on a face so small. It was only then did Janus look at their forearms to find hardened scales bleeding a clear glossy fluid back at them. Janus studied their appearance, pools of the liquid weeping out from beneath the skin. 

           The boy, obviously just rose from bed, studied the situation more. Amir chose to move Collei off her side, onto her back, failing to not let said back make a resounding thud against the carpet topped wood with a gentle shove to the ribs. Janus was now at least upright, or so their eyes told them, but their head was still very slack and uncontrollable, their neck now bent sharply to the left.

            Worry painted Amir’s face, and they shuffled stiffly across to the couch, clawing a pillow with two of their hilariously small hands that reminded Janus of those strange cabbage people and taking it back to Collei. 

            Janus noted that their breathing had calmed considerably, but the numbness and inability to move very much remained. Amir, with all the lack of tact a six year old has, stood awkwardly and befuddled about their next course of action, Janus swore they could see a steam vent from their head, before stating “Sorry, Collei. I'm gonna put this pillow under your head, okay?” in a voice that was not nearly as cheerful as the one they spoke with earlier in the day. 

            The worry was evident, and it was clear to Janus that Amir was handling this to the best of his ability. Amir then lowered down to their level, and suddenly grabbed Collei’s hair and yanked her head straight up with all the unintentional inconsideration Janus thought humans were not supposed to have, and lowered her head back down at the same time as he slid the pillow under it. 

            Such a strange display of care. They were not any better off than they were two minutes ago, in a literal sense, but they did feel better. 

          Nonetheless, Amir seemed slightly more relaxed to leave Collei to herself, and said “I’m gonna go get mom. She knows a lot more of what to…. ” 

           Amir left before asking for confirmation, or even finishing the sentence, something clearly driving him to stop talking and start acting faster. Janus wondered what he meant before realizing that Collei must have had some form of this reaction before, either from an eleazar flare up, or from a panic attack, or from… Ah. This was both.  Both a panic attack, and Eleazar beginning to flare up. 

            Janus reached into the inner memories of Collei, and learned that the worst times of a flare up are usually when it starts, sometime on the second day, and then when it ends, on the fifth day. The current more extreme symptoms are more in line with a panic attack, then. Knowing how bad it was did not resolve the immediate issue, though. 

            That left Janus with plenty of time to consider the information they unintentionally learned in the past few minutes. The deck of cards they once thought ornamental just predicted two potentially powerful allies in a row. The soft candles across the home burned as bright as ever, completely unaware of any troubles before them. An analogy could be made between candles and humans, Janus considered. 

            They had no time to consider the ramifications, as suddenly, the lack of feeling became white hot, nerves coming alive where it had been so thoroughly choked off from moments ago. It was an unbearable cacophony of sensation so merciless that Janus did not even process how loud they began to scream, never having experienced pain like this.

            When was the last time they felt pain like this? A century? The rise of the new archons? 

            Comparable to thousands of boiled needles being dumped onto them, Janus writhed in still agony, their face now unbeknownst to them contorted in a horrifying display, wondering what they had done to deserve such pain beyond anything of their conception. The clear fluid from the scales was replaced by blood, and the inflammation surrounding the scales began to falter. They could not move to rip the scales off, nor could they move to find any remedy to this suffering. All they could do was lay there, and pray to the gods long dead that Janus would soon pass out.

                                                                                                                         *******

           Marion came home to a disaster, to put it lightly. Just 5 minutes of absence to gather water and let Collei think her answer over, and their kitchen set was upside down, a deck of playing cards scattered all over the house, Amir a wobbling, shaky, barely awake, screaming mess, half the forest rangers outside the front door, and to top it all off there was blood on the floor from an awfully thin, eerily silent Collei that Marion was certain did not have much in her to begin with, and certainly none to be donating to the carpet. 

           Marion rushed to their side, helping to hold pressure on their vessels forearms, her face strained as she regarded the absolute wreck of their body. 

           They were sicker than they realized. 

            Would they truly die like this? A flare up of Eleazar, a reopening of old wounds. 

            Janus didn’t wish to die. 

            “It was an accident, I swear. I.” Janus paused, taking an appropriately shuddering breath to portray emotion, which they hoped would start to calm their voice. For once, they didn’t have to fake panic. No, this was real. Marion dabbed their face with a cool rag retrieved by Amir, and picked the girl up like they weighed nothing more than a sack of chickpeas. Would they even weigh as much as a sack of chickpeas? Marion laid them down on the couch, now crouching as she instructed Amir to gather fresh bandages and the ointment left behind by Tighnari. Purpose led way to confidence, and Marion's assurance strangely gave them comfort. 

            “I don’t know what came over me, and now I..” Janus shook their head. 

            “I promised I would tell you what happened before, and I…I panicked” Janus paused, briefly flicking their eyes up to look into Marion's. 

             Good, she was raptured by their words, obviously confused by the current state of affairs, but willing to let them finish. 

             “And that night I became angry. So angry at what…. They did to me. So I…Smashed the mirror.” Janus shook their head, allowing a few tears to drop down on their vessels cheeks. Surprisingly easy when one was trying to lie, or when one had felt immeasurable pain for the first time in over a thousand years. Janus rushed their next words, barely able to focus beyond the haze of sickness and pain. 

             “It was foolish, and immature but…I was so upset. I-I’m sorry.” Marion stopped them, a warm hand brushing Collei’s hair behind her ear, and then kissing their vessels forehead. 

             Why was that action oddly comforting?

            “Oh sweetie, no, no, don’t apologize. You have been through so much, and it is natural that you may have an outburst. Just, please, be careful dear. Your dads, me, this whole village loves you so much, and we want nothing but your safety. Next time you feel like that, please come to one of us.” Marion paused, wiping the tears off of their cheek. 

              A silence separated the two of them, Marion still very close by, slow and gentle fingers washing blood from their vessels arms. Janus focused themselves, and could feel the movement of breath around them. It was oddly calming. Relieving more so to know that they could feel the air over them once more. 

             “Something that won’t hurt you, okay?” 

             Janus nodded, relieved at where this conversation was heading. It seems as though, despite the slight misstep, they had evaded the brunt of the hard topic at hand. Excellent. 

            “Yes, I…that would be good. I’m still sorry that I caused everyone so much stress, especially my dads.” Marion sighed in commiseration, turning back to the basket of linens to finish the bandages on their vessel's other arm. Janus studied the motions of Marion’s hands in the silence. Her hands revealed that all the actions Janus was seeing were all practiced, learned in one way or another and then normalized through practice. However, there was also a hesitation to the motions. As if it had been a while since the last time such a skill was necessary. 

            Janus wondered if that was what walking felt like, or should feel like. They failed to notice the actual expert motions of Marion wrapping the linens lined with ointment, waving and weaving up and around, forming a snug but not restrictive layer around their arms. They were too busy remembering the riverbank walk with Amir, stumbling every other step yet managing to keep pace with the boy. 

            “Yes, it is stressful, but only because parents want so much for their children. It is the price we pay when we have children, and any good parent would pay it threefold, if it meant their child had a good life.” A bittersweet smile graced the woman's lips as Janus focused back into the now, and registered what Marion said. The concept of those words was still beyond them.

           “Your dads are devoted to you, and making sure that you make it out of this hard spot. I, for one, fully believe they can do anything they set their mind to.” Marion finished the bandage and tied it off with a flourish. 

            “And, my goodness.” Marion chuckled, finally satisfied that the worst was over. 

            “Dear, when it comes to you, they get tunnel vision.” 

                                                                                                                      *****

            The night was the calmest they had endured since inhabiting this realm. Janus slept on the couch, or rather, pretended to sleep on the couch. They could hear the chirping of crickets outside, and the snoring of Marion in the bedroom beyond the door. The air was humid, the kind that stuck to your skin.

             A quiet night. 

           Janus shifted uncomfortably in their spot on the couch, scratching at the linen bandages where the scars from the mirror lay wrapped and covered. The skin around them itched, which they suspected meant it was healing, but the human sensation was far more annoying than they gave credit. 

            The sun was rising now, and they had barely slept a wink, sighing as they arose with the shuffling of people in the bathroom, Marion getting ready. Next was Amir, woken up with a sharp rap on the door and a stern “time to get up” from Marion. Well, maybe not that stern, but certainly leaving no room for debate. 

            Janus sat on the couch, looking up as Marion shuffled into the living room, and then made her way to the stove, putting a large kettle over the fire and began to pour fresh coffee grounds into a small silver pot, tarnished with time and frequent use. 

            “Good morning Collei, how did you sleep?” 

            “Just fine.” Janus breezed through, moving their vessels stiff muscles and forcing the body to get up and walk to the table, where they sat down once again. All of that walking yesterday had done more of a number on them then they had given credit. There was also the matter of the…Panic attack.

            Janus winced, and accepted the offered mug, ready to be filled with a brew they could not consume. 

             Amir, of course, was unbothered by yesterday's exercise as he scampered into the room and launched into a chair beside Janus, rubbing his ears as he waited for breakfast to begin. 

            “Amir dear, how are your ears?” Marion tested, full concentration on her child now, ignoring the steaming kettle behind her. The boy was quiet for a moment, before speaking in a slightly elevated voice. 

            “It's a bit better.” Marion visibly deflated with relief, turning back to the kettle and fishing it from the fire with a large metal hook just before the whole thing could bubble over dangerously. Seemed like this was a common occurrence in this household. 

            “Thank goodness, that's good. We will see how you feel later then, and perhaps we can take a walk.” Marion set the coffee aside to brew, and brought out some bread and eggs, cracking the eggs on the edge of the cast iron pan before setting them to fry. She washed her hands and then covered Amir’s ear with a new cloth, ensuring that it would be protected from the elements for the next few days. Janus knew that most injuries weren't as deadly as the infection following. 

             They watched all of this with a strange twinge forming in the pit of their stomach. Was this a normal, carefree morning? Something they couldn’t have, not now, not when the food offered to them was turned to ash at their tongue.

             Janus swallowed the dry ash down with a small sip of bitter tea. 

             “Thank you for the meal.” 

             The day was spent mostly on the couch or at the table, helping with various chores that they could perform while sitting down, like folding the almost never ending pile of laundry, chopping vegetables for that night's curry, or trying to stitch together some of the mending. It did not seem like they shared their vessels talent for sewing, and so was soon relegated to matching threads with appropriately sized needles. Finally, when the list of chores was exhausted, the sun fairly crested over noon, and all three of them were tired of that same ever expanding list of chores, Marion brought out a small wicker basket. 

            “I think it’s time we all took a break and went out for a picnic. I know there was an area that Tighnari was scouting out a few months ago, and he said it was a wide clearing. Sounds like a lovely place for a picnic.” Janus went to protest, the very idea of another walk set their legs aching, but it seemed like Marion was five steps ahead, and five more steps away, literally, moving about now in the small living room. 

          “It’s not far from here, and I can carry you if needed, Collei.” Most teenage girls would probably be gravely embarrassed by having to be carried by so many adults, but as for Janus, they would be grateful for the relief it gave their aching muscles. 

           “I, if it’s not too much of a bother.” Marion waved them off, gathering small snacks to put in the basket, and making sure that the embers of the fire were properly doused. The curry would continue to warm up and simmer on what heat remained, but would hopefully allow the fire to remain controlled. 

         “Never a bother dear, never a bother.” Marion finished packing their basket and made sure that Amir had his shoes on before leading the pair out the door, ensuring it locked behind them before starting down the path. They branched off from where they had gone yesterday, instead taking the path that seemed to lead to Sumeru city. 

           They made it past the sign before Janus had to stop and allow Marion to carry them the rest of the way to the promised clearing. The air was crisp, the grass a vivid green. A gentle waterfall was trickling down on the edge of the clearing. Most of all, Janus felt the unease that came with the constant flow of power coming from a ley line. 

            Naturally this is where humans would choose to picnic. 

           “And here we are.” Marion set them down, Amir taking their hand now and leading Janus to the blanket that the boy had prepared, spreading out across the grass. Janus sat down, relieved for the break, but unable to allow their muscles to truly relax. This place made their skin itch with its constant ebb and flow of energy. Energy they couldn’t truly tap into, but the elemental energy that fueled their vessel's vision was all around Janus now, whispering to be let in. 

           That was one power, they could not have, and never would. The vision would remain dark, no matter what they tried. 

           And Janus had tried. 

           “What would you like first, Collei? I made your favorite, pita pockets!” Marion gestured to the basket, barely keeping an eager Amir from snagging the first pick of food. Her hand formed a formidable blockade, allowing Janus to reach in and grab one of the offered pita pockets. 

            Janus hated how lettuce tasted when turned to ash.      

           Janus took one bite after another, forcing their jaw to relax, showing no expression as to the bitter ash that filled their mouth. They realized that this was potentially a test. The gaze of Marion was glued to them in a very observant manner, almost like a hawk, waiting for them to begin eating. It was the feeling of those eyes on them that made them finally begin to eat, forcing their teeth to chew even as the food became nothing but grit. 

           They swallowed thickly, blocking out the barren sand in their mouth from fully registering, and then ate another bite, and another, until Marion seemed much more relieved, and thanked Marion for the food. 

          A half eaten pita pocket was left on the plate as Amir began to wander, exploring this small clearing around them, Marion keeping one eye on the child and another on Collei. 

          “Amir?” Marion shouted, relieved when the boy turned his head, albeit delayed, at his name. 

          “Stay close !” The boy paused, and then nodded, Marion relaxing back into the thick blanket. 

          “I hope he actually heard that, and isn’t just nodding along to whatever I say.” 

           Janus nodded very quickly, and for longer than necessary.

          “Oh you cheeky!” Marion laughed, a genuine smile shining at Janus, who had not realized they also wore a genuine smile in return.

         “What am I going to do with the two of you?” She tutted, and then turned back to watch Amir in the river, picking up different pebbles and trying fruitlessly to skip them across the smooth part of the river bend. They passed some time like that, the unease never quite leaving Janus, despite the evident relaxation from Marion. 

          It was almost a relief when that unease was rewarded. 

           “ AMIR!” Marion suddenly shot up, arms raised as she tried to catch the temporarily deaf child’s attention. Janus, however, was one step ahead of her, body raising, arms grabbing at their vessels precious bow and taking aim at the clattering hunk of metal before them, and behind the deaf child. A good look told them arrows would be useless, the armor at least an inch thick. 

           Ruin guards were such a bothersome invention. Made to protect relics and domains long since turned to dust, irrelevant creatures who performed their long since null duty. A snap of their fingers, and Janus could make the metal melt and sizzle, nothing left but a smoldering pile.

          Only, no, they had learned their lesson. 

           Their power was too strong, too much all at once, a variant of it had caused a sonic boom and deafened Amir, alerting the whole rainforest. 

           They were running out of options, Marion racing towards her son, shielding him as she ducked under the ruin guards spinning arms. Only, no, she could only hold on for so long under the bulk of those arms, and finally, one clipped her, sending the woman flying. 

           “ MOM?!” Amir screeched, partially from the din of his sure to be dull hearing, and from that all too raw human emotion that Janus had a taste of the night prior. 

            The thing that resembled Marion made a loud crunch against the ground, and then a crack against a rock. 

            Panic. 

           So, they couldn’t use their own powers. The machine was continuing its rampage, Marion was out of commission, Amir a child, and them, without their powers?

           They weren’t even sure they were holding the bow the right way up. 

           One option remained. 

            They had swore to Collei that she would not be interrupted, and that was a promise that at the moment, was adventitious to keep. But, Janus had survived this long by knowing when to keep promises, and when to break them. 

            It was time for Collei to face the world, for just a minute. 

           Janus hoped she would be ready. 

                                                                                                                      ******

           Collei walked with her father, gently bending the stalks of flowers, blades of grass moving to make way. The air was scented with jasmine, and then, suddenly, they were in Mondstat. It was a beautiful day in the city of freedom, the dandelions swaying in the gentle breeze. If Sumeru was home, then Mondstat was her refuge. When she needed to see Amber, her other friends, she would escape to the city and live with her for a few days in this place that whispered comfort. 

          “So then, where do you think she is?” Tighnari asked, hand raised as they examined the windmills of the city proper far in the distance. For now, they still had to cross the field around Vanessa’s tree and its glowing statue of the seven. Collei easily made her way down the hill, her muscles and mind obeying every instruction, every movement was graceful and perfect. 

           No slippery fingers, no numbness. No….

           Anyway, 

           “Knowing Amber, she is probably preparing to launch herself off a cliff to get the best gliding time.”Collei laughed, gesturing the wide open field and its surrounding cliffs. 

          “Not really something you can do back home, eh?” Tighnari sighed, shaking his head as they continued to walk towards the open field. 

           “Amber really does have to make this difficult for us, doesn’t she?” He added, hand over his eyes to shade them as he surveyed the cliff edges. 

          “Well, you know how competitive she is, dad!” Collei shrugged, picking her way over a moss glazed rock. The wind began to pick up, a slight chill in the air. Was that clouds moving in?

          “Dad, do you see that?” Collei gestured to the now approaching black cloud, but Tighnari was still surveying the cliff edge. 

         “Hmmm, if you mean Amber, no such luck.” This was going to be annoying. 

          “No, the storm dad. We might need to take shelter?” 

           Silence. 

           “What storm, sprout?” Tighnari was looking at her now as if she was crazed, and if she wasn't mistaken, the statue of the seven was glowing brighter now, the bulb in its hands a blinding white. 

          “Dad, seriously, you can’t tell me that you don’t see that giant black cloud overhead!” Only a confused face responded, and Collei held up her hands. 

         “I’m gonna find some shelter, okay? I will let you know when I find something.” Silence. 

          Was he somehow upset that she was this worried about some rain? No, he wouldn’t behave like this, would he? 

          Why wasn’t he saying anything at all? 

        “Dad?” Her father remained silent. Face frozen, chest still, hand outstretched like a doll. 

         “D-dad, this isn’t funny!” Collei shook him by the shoulders, and was only rewarded by a deafening roar around them as the storm descended, wind whipping her hair around in a matter of seconds. Still, Tighnari stayed stock still. 

          Collei tugged on his arm, growling with the effort. Why did she feel so weak suddenly? 

         “COME ON!” One more tug, and finally something snapped. Collei turned, eyes wide as she examined the arm of her father that she had torn off like a poorly stitched stuffed animal. 

         Collei screamed. 

        The wind raged, and soon, she could see nothing but the pelting icy rain, and the flashes of lightning around her. All this, she ignored, instead watching her father. 

        He was crumbling into wet sand. 

           “N-No. NO!” Collei tried to put him back together, tried to keep him from falling apart, but already it was too late, his legs giving way to sand and they tumbled to the mud below. The storm was a gale now, and Collei could feel herself being tugged by the wind, as if it was trying to take her away from her father, her peace, her comfort. 

           Her life.  

          “No….NO LET ME STAY!” Collei wailed, hugging the torso of her father as the gale whipped onto her back, scales from her long ignored illness forming and hardening her skin, sending fire mixed with ice. 

          Suddenly, it was no longer dark, no longer trapped in that endless darkness.

          Only, the thing that illuminated her world was not the sun, rather, it was a flash of lightning. 

                                                                                                           *******

            Janus hated to do this to the child. Hated to draw her out of the world they had promised. Janus hated that they were willing to do this for Amir and Marion. No, they had to be convincing in their role as Collei, and that foolish kit would never stand by and allow these two people dear to her to be hurt. Even if it was foolish. The vision lit up, Collei’s subconscious waking. For a moment, Janus remained in control, and then, they slid away. Janus was patient. They could wait for this to end, and for Collei to return to her dream world. 

            No one in their right mind would want to stay in the true world that she was currently living in. 

                                                                                                                   *****

             Collei was ripped from the rain, the storm, the sand, and into the glowing yellow light. Well, light wasn’t the exact word, but perhaps it was more of a beam. She recognized the thing right away, and took rapid stock of her situation. 

             It made her sick. 

             There Marion sat, crumpled on the ground like a discarded rag doll, and beside her, a sobbing Amir, frantically shaking his mothers shoulders. In her hands, her bow. In front of her, advancing with every second that passed, was a ruin guard. Its beam was aimed for her, and Collei rolled. 

            Well, she tried to roll. 

           Her body could barely hold her up, much less roll with the same skill she had once possessed. Rage flooded her bloodstream, but she pushed it aside. That was an issue for later. Now, she had to fight. A daft sense of selfishness rose within her.

           Her vision flooded with green light, and Collei could feel that same light flooding her vision, dendro was around her, within her, she was her vision. 

           This ruin guard was going to pay for interrupting her perfect dream. 

            Green vines flashed around her, advancing with the flow of her arrow as she shot one after another. 

             One arrow. 

              Two arrows. 

             Three arrows. 

            More and more, the ruin guard easily flicking them aside as if they were nothing but toothpicks. That was fine however, as they were merely guides. The forest would fight for her. 

           Thick vines wrapped around each spot that the arrows landed, her aim was perfect as each vine wrapped around the things arms and legs, and finally they pulled . 

           There was the groaning of metal, a flash of light, and then a deafening pop, dust and rust exploding into a thick cloud, and then an even thicker white smoke billowed out with a hiss, all lowering to the forest floor. 

           The ruin guard laid on the ground in smoldering pieces, the vines picking up the pieces and dragging them away. 

           She was so, so tired. 

          Collei fell to her knees, unable to remain standing as exhaustion flooded her veins, and she regarded her hands. 

           When did her hands get so thin? 

           Why were her arms covered in bandages, and why did they burn ? 

           Shaking hands lifted a bandage, and she could see the thick black scales of her eleazar peeking out, covering an equally gruesome sight of ragged cuts, like something had slashed into her arm. A tiger attack? No, no this was something different entirely. 

          Her chest. Why did her chest ache? 

           Collei glanced down at her too large tunic, and slowly pulled it out, examining the skin of her chest below. She stopped breathing, and then, thick panicked sobs burst from her, unable to take a deep breath as she stared down. 

          Her chest was a crisscross of scar tissue, old stitches freshly removed, but still showing their former placement. With a trembling hand Collei traced the scar, from her breastbone, to the top of her abdomen, and across her rib cage. 

            Her mind began to sink, sink fast into the quicksand of her mind as all she could hear was her own wretched wail, echoing off the trees around her. 

                                                                                                         ******

          “Oh dear, how are you feeling?” Collei’s eyes snapped open, and she regarded the woman beside her, purple hat beside her on the table, and legs crossed in a leisurely posture. 

          “Lisa?” Her voice croaked, and Mondstats librarian chuckled. 

          “The one and only dear. How was your nap?” 

           Collei sat up, taking a deep calming breath as Tighnari had taught her. Allow her mind to reset, relax, and breathe out the anxiety and stress. 

            Once she was somewhat calmed, she looked to the patient woman, who had said nothing during her breathing exercise, instead letting her finish uninterrupted.

            “It…Wasn’t good, to be honest. I….My dad turned to sand, and then I was hurled into another world where the Doctor had gotten to me, and my chest was full of scars from surgery. A ruin guard was attacking, and I had to use my vision, but everything hurt, I was so weak and hungry and-”

           “Oh my, take a deep breath, sweetie. Everything is okay, dreams can’t hurt you. Look at yourself, there are no scars, right?” A quick glance confirmed what Lisa said, no track marks on her arms, no scars from elezar scales, no ragged lines across her chest. 

            Yes, it was all a silly nightmare. 

           “Ah, I…I’m sorry, I got all worked up.” Collei slid her legs over the bed, sitting up as Lisa waved her off. 

            “It’s no problem at all, your travels left you tired, and possibly stressed, yes?” Collei shrugged, still a bit embarrassed, but Lisa merely chuckled. 

            “We have all had bad dreams dear. Now, when you are ready, come on downstairs. Everyone is awfully worried about you.” The woman stood up leisurely and walked out the room, gently shutting the door behind her with a soft click. 

            Lisa was right, it was all a bad dream, and she really shouldn’t be getting this upset by something as silly as a nightmare. Right? 

            “That is correct child, just sink deeper into your dream.” An ambiguous voice resounded in the room, Collei whipping around to the standing mirror that sat at the front of the bed. Collei tilted her head towards the mirror, trying to hear anything else. 

            “Hello?” 

            Nothing responded. She was being ridiculous, why was she sitting here talking to a mirror? Collei shook her head, turning back towards the bed to make it, pulling the sheets up and tucking in the corners, until suddenly the scent of jasmine crept behind her, and she turned, staring into the gilded mirror. She waited, heart beating faster, and then a face appeared. 

             Janus, that was their name. They existed, they really existed. And if they were here that meant…

             “It wasn’t a dream, was it? Is that really what I look like?” Collei crept towards the mirror, fingertips pressed to the reflections shoulder. The glass stayed firm, but the expression on the being changed. Janus almost looked….Concerned?

              “Yes, it is. That is why we must work on your dream, fox kit. You must expand the power vested in this realm, and enable me to enact your rehabilitation.” Collei chewed on her cheek, fingers tapping on the glass, matching the tempo of her quickly beating heart. Janus stared at her, and she stopped, folding her hands in front of her, like a scolded student. 

            “What if…Janus… what if I can’t get out?” 

              Janus cocked their head to the side, as if she was a silly child asking a question as mundane as “why is the sky blue?” 

            “You will emerge when you are ready. That is inevitable. It will be on the day of which your rehabilitation bears fruits of our labor, and thus, you are reborn. 

             Flashes of scars and jutting bones, a ruin guard, a hand almost skeletal. 

             “Are you sure you’re helping it heal? It seems like it’s pretty bad.” She sighed, hand pressed to her stomach, a vain attempt at quelling the nausea that had started to rise from the pit. 

             “I don’t want to die, Janus.” Their voice responded immediately, cool, and almost calming. 

            “We will not perish. It is absolute.” A few moments pressed on, and Collei whispered with a shaking breath. 

           “How are my dads? Are they happy?” 

            Janus nodded to her question, words flowing like honey. 

             “Yes, fox kit. They are so happy to have their daughter home.” 

               Quiet again, Collei mused this over. Did she really want to face the world outside? That horrible nightmare of  a world she had a taste of now? 

             No, she would like to stay here. It was nice here. 

           “You promised me this world would be perfect, why was I ripped from it like that? Why did I go back?” 

             Janus chuckled, shaking their head as if the answer was obvious. 

            “You didn’t trust me enough fox kit. A part of your mind has been resisting our efforts with your rehabilitation, and that is why you were ripped from this paradise.” Janus was quiet, letting that sink in. 

            “Trust me, fox kit. Let yourself sink into this dream, and everything will be perfect. This conversation will be as if it has never happened. Do you understand?” 

             Collei raised her head, nodding as she swallowed down the last of her guilt and restraint. 

             “Okay. I trust you, Janus.” 

                                                                                                                                  ******

             Children were easy to trick and manipulate. For once however, Janus did not take as much pleasure in that as they once would have. Still, they had achieved their goal. Safely tuck Collei back into her dream, and ensure that the only interruption would be those they chose. Even so, they would not be doing this again, far too much trouble had been caused by this little excursion. Collei had been too close to disaster, to entering the real world once again, and shoving Janus back into that ether. 

              Janus refused to return to that empty world. 

            “Collei?!” Janus turned back, blinking as their eyes adjusted back to the harsh light of the rainforest, until they were pushed back by a small form launching itself at them. Janus prepared to fight, readying their fire on their fingertips, but quickly extinguished said fire when they saw the smiling face of Amir as the boy hugged Collei’s waist. Amir squeezed tight, shouting from excitement or from his ears being busted, Janus couldn’t be sure. 

             “I was so scared but you were so cool and-” Janus sat, stiff as a board, until they finally patted Amir’s head, and then opted for the more humanlike hair ruffle. Humans did this sort of thing, right? 

              “Calm down Amir, let’s get your mom.” Amir nodded, tugging on their hand until they rose with the boy, walking over to a groaning but very much alive Marion. From the forest's edge, shouts, as scouts come forward, ready to help them back to the village. 

              As was probably for the best, Janus wasn’t sure how much longer they could stand on their legs. Rather than fall down, Janus settled for sitting on a rock, trying to regulate their breathing with Collei’s aching muscles screaming out for attention. As they sat, watching forest rangers assist Marion to a standing position, Janus ruminated on their promise to Collei. Heal her body? Rehabilitation?

               Janus needed to learn how to do just that. 

         Toast notes: janus is babygirl and deserves to be able to manipulate an emotionally devastated person like collei every now and then :) period slay queen ! ! !

Chapter Text

            Despite the constant threat of being found out, it was almost a relief when Collei’s father figures came back from the city. Yes, it meant Janus had to be more careful, particularly in their methods of conversation, but it also meant that they could leave this village where everyone knew them, and far too many strange events have occurred for no one to be questioning. 

             The fallout from the ruin guard incident was not as bad as they had feared, but was sure to draw more questions. Like why was Amir somewhat deaf now? How did a starving girl ward off a ruin guard? How did she become this emaciated? Why had nobody noticed her condition? Where were her parents?

             Janus couldn’t be bothered to deal with this sort of thing. Tiring, pointless chatter. 

             They awaited the return of Collei's parents with Amir at their side, ready to greet the weary travelers home. Amir held close to them, their hand in his.

             It was less of a triumphant return and more of a weary trudge that the two made as they entered the city proper. Still, at the sight of their daughter the pair noticeably brightened. Likely, they were just happy to see her in one piece. A fair fear, to be sure. 

              “Collei, how are you?” Cyno broached first, quickly leaning down and setting down his pack on the ground before righting himself, looking for all the world like he was going to lean in for a hug, but Tighnari gripped his forearm with a gentle but meaningful pressure, and he stopped. His look of relief and fondness didn’t diminish in the slightest, some things couldn’t be restrained.

           “I’m doing alright. I have been….Resting.” Perhaps Janus would be lucky, and the pair wouldn’t mention-

            “Did you hear the massive explosion that seemed to come from around the Apam? We heard it all the way in the city.” Tighnari piped up, starting to rearrange their bags on the ground. Seemed like he was ready to get right back to the road, as if they had not just spent the last few days supposedly leading a coup. 

             “Oh, well, yes we heard it. We were…A bit close.” Janus turned to Marion, who gestured to Amir. Marion spoke first, in a hurried tone, as if she didn't they would be leaving the next second. 

             “Yes well, Tighnari I know you all have plans to start to Mondstat, but can you please take a look at Amir’s ears? Amir and Collei said they were a bit close to the blast it seems and-”

           Cyno moved with frightening speed, latched onto their shoulders, looking over their vessels body for any signs of injury or harm. Nothing but those bandages around the arms and wrists. Nothing that he could see with his normal eyes. 

            “Were you hurt?” Cyno’s voice was thick with concern, and Janus shook their head, stepping out of his hands and gesturing to Amir. This was getting rather tiring, and they did not look forward to traveling, but much less to the intensive looks they were now getting from the fathers. They were being studied. Their reaction closely monitored. Janus quickly sought to deflect attention away from themselves. 

            “No, I’m fine.” A bit too loud. “ Please just look at Amir, he is the one you should be worried about.” Janus gestured to the boy and his cloth covered ears, and a dim light formed in Tighnari’s eyes. He had a job, government overthrown or not. Whatever they had done in the city had left them weary, but not enough for the true doctor to ignore a patient needing his care. 

             “Let me see.” Tighnari muttered something under his breath as he left and came back with a small otoscope, peering into the boy's ears, one at a time, soothing him with comforting words when the boy winced. 

            “His eardrums are busted, but they appear to be mending well on their own. Keep his ears clean, avoid water until they are fully healed. His hearing should start to resolve within a few weeks as well.” Marion breathed a very visible sigh of relief, helping Tighnari cover her son's ears once again. 

            “Thank you, thank you.” Janus glanced over to see Cyno staring at the boy. Their eyes met for a moment, and Janus turned away. Something about that man's piercing gaze always unnerved them. A guilty conscience, they thought to themselves. 

             No matter. They would be leaving for Mondstat, and Janus could leave this whole event behind them. 

                                                                                                          ******

           Cyno didn’t believe in coincidences, not in the least. They leave Collei alone in Sumeru city, and she was kidnapped by the doctor? The Fatui discard her vision, and they find the discarded item, able to use it to track her location? Now they leave for the city to take care of a few rats infesting the Akademia, they come back, and Amir’s ears are busted. Collei was avoiding his gaze like staring at him would be the last feather to break her in two, and the boom was from the Apam woods, not even an idea of what or why from the other rangers?

            Something was not adding up here, and even though Cyno tried to press for more information, Amir blocked his questions. First he pretended to not hear him, then when Cyno handed him questions written down on paper the boy shrugged and looked to his mother. Or turned to face Collei, with a slightly elevated amount of fear on his face. It was evident to Cyno that this was a trained response, definitely intentional, one that he had seen before in his work as the General Mahamatra. Er, former line of work, depending on how that all turns out.  

            What did this mean?

             He had absolutely no idea. There was not enough left in him to think about it.

             Cyno was exceptionally tired. All while in the city he worried for Collei, she was in good hands yes, but somehow not with her fathers. It was complicated, to be so relieved at any break from the emotional turmoil of watching their daughter slowly wither away, yet it was so much worse to not be able to keep an eye on her himself. So then, his choices were to anxiously watch as she self-destructed, or to turn away and hear the explosion with blind eyes. 

              He would never turn away from his daughter. Never abandon her, even when he could barely recognize the person she was becoming. 

              Maybe it was the time away, but she seemed even more drained upon their return. Her skin was paler, nails brittle, hair losing its sheen. Her hands are thin and skeletal. It was like a parasite was eating her from inside out, and with a morbid thought he could almost imagine the creature erupting from within, shedding her skin like paper. 

               Cyno was going to be nauseous. 

            Shoving away those images formed by a weary and stressed brain, he redirected his focus back to the issue at hand. 

             “Collei, do you think that you are ready for our trip?” It was an idiotic question, but one he had to ask. Blank eyes answered him, and he took that as his cue. Cyno slid on his leather satchel, and they began to walk towards the entrance of town. Collei turned at his cue to wave to Amir and Marion, but only at his and Tighnari’s urging. 

              The way down the road was quiet, dirt and leaves crunching under their feet, and that unfortunately gave Cyno plenty of time to think. 

               Think about their mission with the Traveler, think about their current trip, think about Collei, think about the stress that he and his husband were under. That they were feeling between them. 

                No, Collei came first, she was the priority now. 

                 Even after they released their archon from her prison, even when they should have been celebrating with the others, they could only focus on one thing. Tighnari broached the topic first, asking their archon whom they had just released if she, the goddess of wisdom, knew anything about Collei’s condition. About the Fatui’s and sages plan for her, why her condition was worsening, why-

            She didn’t know. How would she know, she was the goddess of wisdom, not knowledge. She didn’t know everything, but she was gracious and promised to search Irminsul for information. She promised them that if she discovered anything of note, they would know immediately. Cyno was curious why she was so certain they would know immediately, but that wasn't of concern. They barely shared a moment more when they turned to return to the village, and now they were here, on the road again. Once again carrying their daughter like a sack of lentils down the road toward the other nations, through Liyue and to Mondstat. It was a hard journey, and one that greatly worried Cyno, but they had to make it. 

            What other choice did they have? 

                                                                                                                 ********

            While no one could be under the impression that this trip was going smoothly, it had at least gone without a massive disruption, up until the tunnel through the Chasm that linked Sumeru to Liyue. The treasure hoarders that plagued Liyue were essentially a non issue, because despite Cyno's best efforts in the past to conceal his identity beyond the borders of Sumeru, it appears as though the treasure hoarders recognized him. It was probably better this way, Cyno mused.  Perhaps it was the dark, or the closeness of the walls of the cavern, but Collei had gone abnormally quiet, even more so than normal as of late. 

               “Collei, are you getting tired? Do you need to rest?” 

                Cyno stopped, Tighnari beside him shifting their travel bags in his hand, preparing to hand off his remaining satchel and pick up Collei on his shoulders. The girl turned to them, shuddering breath after shuddering breath. Tighnari dropped the bags, beside Cyno now as he held Collei’s shoulders. She was breathing shallowly, and fast. Hyperventilating, Tighnari thought to himself. 

                “What's wrong sprout?” Cyno pressed, but before they could find the cause of the problem, Collei collapsed, breaths coming in short pants now, eyes wide. Tighnari fell to her side with practiced efficiency, fingers gently combing back her hair as he pulled her to him. 

               “Ah, I’m sorry Collei, this cave.” Tighnari paused, a sigh escaping his lips before he continued, his tone just a bit more defeated than before. 

              “It must be a lot for you. The darkness…I’m so sorry Collei. It’s okay, dads here. We both are.” Tighnari continued to calm her, all the while a niggling worry, no, an observation, pressed on Cyno’s mind as Collei suffered what was apparently a panic attack. A rush of  strong emotion, fear, panic, sadness. 

            Yet, her vision remained as dim as it had been since they found her in that operating room. 

                                                                                                                                      ******

             Time passed slowly for Tighnari when he was on the road. His body was not used to the sweltering heat, and as a rule he tended to avoid long stretches of travel, at least not unless he could take his time and examine the local wildlife. Thankfully, the climate seemed to become more agreeable the closer to Mondstadt they got, the paradoxically dry yet humid heat slowly tapering off as they went beyond the Chasm. Tighnari would have loved to take the time to observe wildlife travel patterns this time of year. 

              This was no such leisurely trip. 

              It seemed like with every step out of Sumeru, Collei’s condition worsened. 

              How was that even possible?

              How was it that things just got from bad to worse? It wasn’t fair, she had already suffered enough, already been through so much torment, and now as they made their way to Mondstat’s main bridge into the city proper she could barely even stand. Any progress they had once made seemed to have been lost deep within the walls of Liyue’s chasm. How that place had triggered a panic attack of this magnitude he was not sure, but since then it had been a struggle to get her to eat even a single bite of her food. It was probably just a coincidence. Cyno failed to convince himself. 

            Patience was the word Tighnari kept telling himself, over and over again. 

           He was sick of being patient. Tired of seeing his daughter waste away, tired of living like this, scared to go asleep at night, for fear that when he awoke she would be-

           No, no he couldn't even finish the thought. 

           When was the last time he had a full night's sleep anyway? 

            “Tighnari? Let me take over.” Cyno reached out, dragging Tighnari from his stupor. Either he had become stronger, or Collei had become lighter, because he barely felt her weight anymore. 

              He refused to think about the correct answer to that question. 

            “Okay, thank you.” Tighnaru gently slid their daughter over to Cyno’s keeping, the man barely having to adjust before her weight was evenly distributed across his back. Much more of this and she would fade away entirely. 

              Archons, he hoped the healers of Mondstat were worth this risk. 

              The three weary travelers were soon halted at the entrance to the city, an evidently nervous guard in shining armor eyeing Collei up and down, his back pressed against the wall as if he wished to flee. Cyno was recognized for his various talents, all the way in Mondstadt, it seemed. Only, the guards' eyes were not on him, but instead they stayed stubbornly stuck to Collei, regarding her like some sort of beast. 

              An unclean person. 

              “Halt. What is your business here in Mondstat?” Tighnari grit his teeth, but managed to keep his tone even and calm. This man didn’t know what all they had suffered to get here, what their family had been through. Didn’t understand, and never would, that the only person at risk here was Collei herself. 

              “We are here to see your nuns at the cathedral, we were told-”

            “Then she is sick.” Tighnari stopped, heart dipped into cold rage. His fuse had been snipped shorter and shorter through stress, lack of sleep, and having to help lead a coup. He was tired , he wanted this all to be over , and he would be damned if some guard was going to stand in his way. Cyno’s hand brushed against his, and squeezed.

             What was he doing? This wasn’t like him. 

             “ No no she isn't contagious, I assure you. I’m a doctor as well, it’s just. This issue is…Well, it's not….It’s not physical in nature.” Having to expose their issues just to get inside the gates was embarrassing, to say the least, but he would do whatever it took. Cyno pipped up beside him, tone even, commanding, slipping into his role as general. 

            “We only wish to go inside consult with the nuns, or bring them out here beyond the city gates, but our daughter needs to see them, it’s urgent.” The guard looked between the two of them, and then back to Collei, who was laying slumped over on Cyno’s back, face void of any expression.

              Tighnari found himself counting her breaths, just to make sure. 

            Just in case fate was ready to deal the last blow to their happiness. 

            “Okay, I will let you pass, but you’d be best to just be careful and avoid any crowds on the way to the cathedral. Don't want any more paperwork on why I let you three in. ” The guard stood away from the door, a few feet away from them. While he didn’t seem to trust Tighnari when he said that she was not contagious, he was willing to let them into the city and that was more than enough for him. 

             “Thank you.” Tighnari led the way, and instantly the mood shifted. They had been fortunate to avoid any crowds on the roads, and their village had gotten used to Collei’s new appearance, but this was a new town, with new people. 

              They had yet to see the dead girl walking. 

             Eyes tried to not stare and failed, some women even whispering, eyeing Tighnari and Cyno with suspicion. Before long, it was evident that they were being observed by just about everyone that could see them, showing reactions varying from disgust to mortification. 

             Tighnari’s ears flamed with insult, but they kept walking, until they were stopped by a jovial shout from far off in the distance. No, not the distance, instead it was from above them. Landing like a hawk on the lake, the woman Tighnari assumed to be Amber landed right in front of them, blocking their way forward. 

            “Collei! you’re-” A sudden halt to her sentence, Amber stopped, her jovial and light smile being ripped from her face as she got her first proper look at her friend. 

            “Cyno? What….What happened to Collei?” In a split second, her gaze went from cheery and welcoming to downright hostile. The woman was loyal to a fault to her friends, and that loyalty seemed to blind her to the current situation. Her tone practically wanted to break the dads in two. Cyno observed that she was half struck with disbelief and half filled with a great restraint. This was not a conversation he wished to have in the middle of town square, not when they had all of Mondstats eyes upon them, judging them, pitying them. 

             “Amber, I promise to tell you everything but not now. We need to see the nuns of the Cathedral, or at least someone who can help Collei with some…Mental health issues.” That was all he was willing to say out loud in the open, but thankfully Collei’s first and best friend seemed to instantly understand. She practically deflated, her shoulders no longer squared. 

             “Then you should talk to Lisa first. She is good with stuff like this, or she can at least help you find someone better to help.” Quite the commanding tone in the sentence, Cyno thought to himself. Perhaps even combative. It was evident that Amber was greatly disturbed at the sight of Collei in such a state, only reasonable that she would be getting slightly hostile as a response. 

               “I see. Thank you, can you take us up to her then?” Tighnari glanced back at Cyno, who appeared distracted. With a word, he got his attention, and they began their way up the stairs beyond the fountain. 

                                                                                                     *****

             Cyno didn’t appreciate the way the man with the blue hair was watching them from the shadows, no he didn’t like it one bit. But, he didn’t like the lightness of his daughter upon his back more, and so this man's rude staring could be contended with later. What he didn’t expect was for this man to leave the shadows and approach them outright, Amber lighting up with recognition.

              “Cavalry Captain Kaeya, you remember-” her tone dropped, a nervous chuckle. She wasn’t used to having to drop her carefree attitude it seemed. 

              “You remember Collei?” The man eyed Collei with his one good eye, but Cyno swore he was analyzing the trio, taking notes in his mind. In any other circumstance Cyno would be prepared to offer this man a job with the matra. It was brazenly apparent, even from just this one interaction, that this man was very skilled. But when it concerned his daughter?

                He didn’t like it at all. 

                “Yes, I remember her, but time has really changed all of us, has it not.” Words that could have been taken for jest were spoken with strange solemness, and Cyno felt just a bit at ease now. Perhaps he had misjudged the man. 

                 Still his gut told him there was something off about the man with the eyepatch, Kaeya, and he made a mental note to keep an eye out for him while they were in the city. 

             “Amber, where are you taking them?” The man stated, and then nodded to Tighnari and Cyno. 

              “We’re uhh.. gonna go see Miss Lisa, to get her opinion on Collei’s condition. ” If he had any options to Amber's idea, he didn’t say anything, but merely walked back to the shadows from where he had emerged, and picked up his sword, carrying it now. 

               “I think it is about time I get back to work anyway, I can join you all.” Cyno’s eyes narrowed as he shifted Collei on his back. If the fact that his daughter had yet to say a single word at the appearance of her best friend, and worst nightmare range any warning bells in his mind, it was tuned out by the idea that he knew exactly what this captain was up to in “accompanying” them to see Lisa. 

               He wanted to keep an eye on them, and that meant only a few possibilities. Either he was with Amber, and was concerned about Collei’s wellbeing. 

            Possible, but also somehow doubtful. 

            He was like the woman or the guard at the front, and was worried about their true intentions in the city. That seemed more likely. 

             Cyno had not become the General by not listening to his gut, and now it was whispering a third option that it knew to be true. 

             He, too, was suspicious of what was happening with Collei. 

                                                                                                                           ******

              Tighnari could finally breathe a sigh of relief once they entered the Knights of Favonious headquarters. There were far fewer prying eyes on them now, and that fact alone made it feel as if a giant weight was taken off of his shoulders. The last time he felt this self-conscious about other people's eyes on him was when he was a teenager, trying to excel in classes at the Akadeymia.  The fact that their eyes were not truly on them but was instead on Collei made it all feel so much worse.

             One last set of stairs, thankfully these were down, and they found themselves in the famed Librarians domain. Only, it was quiet, except for the sound of what appeared to be a young girl speaking in patterned gibberish in the corner. A concern for later. 

           “Hello?” Tighnari called out as Cyno gently eased Collei into a chair, Amber helping to ensure that the transition was easy. Kaeya lounged back on the wall, acting as if he was fairly familiar with this territory, and that specific spot on the wall. Tighnari took another look around, and sighed, ears flattening against his forehead. Nothing could go right for them lately, now could it?

            “I don’t think she’s here Tigh.” Cyno pipped up, his voice somehow made the irritation all the worse for Tighnari. 

            “Yeah I can see that Cyno.” A glance at his husband, and Tighnari softened his voice. He couldn’t keep doing this, because one day he would say something too far, too often, and someone would end up hurt. 

            “Let’s not drag Collei out again, we can go look for her.” Although, as soon as he suggested that idea, worry began to creep into his mind. Her health was so fragile, what if-

            “That’s okay, you stay with Collei, I will go look for Lisa.” Cyno offered, as if reading Tighnari’s hesitance to once again subject himself to the sun and eyes of the Mondstats people. 

             “That would be good, thank you.” Tighnari sat down beside Collei, Amber offering to assist in the search, and the ever quiet but watching Cavalry Captain filing out behind them. Except for the child in the corner, they were alone. It had been a while since Tighnari had a chance to speak privately with Collei. 

               First, he wasn’t sure how to start, he felt like he barely knew her anymore. No, more that she barely knew them anymore. She was a husk of herself, but he would do his best to fill her back up again. 

              “It’s been a long time since you have seen Amber, hmm?” No response, but he continued anyway. So what if he was the only one talking, it had to be doing some good, right?

               Right?

            “I think the last time Cyno was here was to retrieve you, and that feels like so long ago.” Tighnari looked at the blank expression of his daughter, and fought back tears. Her eyes shifted into making eye contact with him, which confirmed to him that she was at least listening. 

            “So long ago. I can’t believe how much you have grown since then Collei. You’re smarter, braver, stronger than you know. That was true back then and…  it is still true now.” Tighnari let a hand brush across her hair, getting her thin bangs out of her eyes, an invisible grimace as a few more strands of dull green hair fell away. 

              “I won’t let this get you Collei. I swear. We’ll make it through this.” Tighnari placed his hand in his lap, listening to the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner as he awaited the arrival of the others. Just as the clock struck six, he heard the sound of the heavy oak doors being pushed open, a slight draft sending the papers on the table rustling. The door was closed and the draft was gone, replaced by the clicking of heels on the stairs, accompanied by bootsteps.

               “Well hello, You must be Tighnari. Cyno has told me so much about you, and this is-” the woman stopped, now in full view. She appeared to be dressed in the style of a sorceress, large purple hat and all. Her reputation preceded her, and Tighnari knew this to be Lisa. A flirtatious woman, but wise and reliable. If Cyno trusted her, that was good enough for him. 

               Still, her eyes scanned Collei head to toe, and like with other academics, Tighnairi could see her eyes working a mile a minute. Finally, she regained her voice, and continued her leisurely saunter over to them. 

              “Collei dear, it has been far too long since i’ve gotten to see you last! How have you been?” Cyno knew that she was only questioning out of formality, and that she knew her question was redundant. Anyone with eyes could see the disheveled state Collei was in. Another mention of time, and Tighnari initially bristled at the comment, but when he saw the earnest concern in the woman's eyes he relaxed, Cyno’s hand on his shoulder adding more comfort. 

                “That is why we are here. We were hoping that the nuns at the cathedral would be able to heal Collei, but we were told to consult with you for matters concerning mental health.” 

               Lisa crossed around the table, sitting her hat down and sighing as she regarded the trio. She donned a face that Tighnari immediately recognized as someone putting their brain to work, as Lisa’s eyes temporarily seemed to look through the trio before snapping back right before her response. 

              “The nuns can help only so much, they cannot make someone gain weight. They can only fix what is broken, in that sense. Not add or subtract from a person. Unless if dearest here became like this overnight, they may not be able to do much at all, I'm afraid.” She stared at the wall behind them yet again, and Cyno picked up a hint of hopelessness in her gaze. 

                “I am not a registered psychiatrist or a doctor, but I assume that is your main concern with me?” It was apparent, even to those without medical knowledge. Somehow that made the situation all the more scary. How long would it be until a citizen dangerously misinterprets what they see?

               “Yes, that is right. We were worried that might be the case and so that is why we thought you might be able to help, even if you aren’t liscensed. I have tried to be her therapist, but perhaps there are some things that she does not want to discuss with her father.” Lisa nodded in understanding, and soon she was filled in on the entire situation, from the day of the botched adoption, to the Chasm and Collei’s worsening symptoms. Lisa would occasionally ask questions to clarify, or ask about symptoms, but otherwise let Tighnari and Cyno speak unrushed and uninterrupted. As was her new norm, Collei remained silent and still beside them. 

                 Finally, when they were done, Lisa sat a moment longer in deep contemplation, before standing and finally pulling out a few books from a nearby shelf. These she examined, placed one back, took out another, and finally when she seemed satisfied with her selection she turned to the group and placed the books on the table. Tighnari glanced over the covers, and then back at Collei. Books on mental health, depression, anorexia, ley line disturbances. One of these was not like the other.

               “From what you have described, I am not sure that I can help you. It seems like this is a more serious matter than what I first assumed. I understand you do not know what Collei endured under the Doctor.” An involuntary jolt from Collei, the first reaction out of her since this entire conversation started. In the corner, Kaeya practically lit up at seeing the catatonic girl move. Only Lisa could see his vision’s glow illuminating that corner of the room. 

                “But it seems to me that this is more than just a simple mental illness, if those are ever simple. You mentioned the fact that she apparently took down a ruin guard with her vision? That should be impossible given her current state, is that not true?” True, and something that Tighnari himself had been asking himself, but was too stressed to pry. He had a lot on his plate, and the concern over whether his daughter was going to die from malnutrition far outweighed that little event. 

             Funny how that seemed like such a small deal in comparison. 

             “True but-” Cyno began, but trailed off and silence muffled their environment. 

             “But I think I know someone who can help more.” Lisa began, Tighnari perking up at the mention of help. If he was grasping at straws, then he would simply hold on tighter. 

              “Albedo is our chief alchemist, and he is knowledgeable about a lot of this world, potions, and other such topics. He may just have an idea of what the Fatui were trying to achieve, but more importantly, how to reverse whatever damage they caused. Him and his charming assistant are far more knowledgeable about how the body responds to conditions and what that looks like…” Lise sighed, eyeing Collei with tired eyes, bordering on maternal. 

               “He and Sucrose might at least be able to give you a potion for an appetite stimulant, and other such medicines that may help.” Tighnari nodded, he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t tried that before, but this was a new area with new medicine. He was willing to try anything. 

            “Where can we find him?” Lisa chuckled bitterly, picking out one book and pointing to the cover. Tighnari and Cyno leaned in, frowned, and then Cyno spoke. 

            “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Tighnari simply held his head in his hands. 

             Dragonspine, also known as Mondstats tallest mountain peak, and one of the deadliest areas in the nation. 

             “What can I say, our dear alchemist prefers his privacy for his workplace. It’s rare that the hermit ever leaves his den, is it not?” Kaeya chuckled in a tone Cyno barely picked up on. Beside him Collei flinched. 

             “It’s late now, so you  all should try and get some rest, and then you can go up on the mountain tomorrow morning. Don't worry; you won't have to trek all the way up to the summit. He likes privacy, but also likes not freezing to death. Either way, it seems like you could all use the rest.” Well, that was certainly the truth, and one he couldn’t argue. 

              “That would be good, thank you. We have been on the road for days now.” He sighed, looking over at Collei. 

            “And, it's been hard to get here.” That was putting it lightly, there was no such thing as an easy trip, but their special…Circumstances made it all the more tricky and exhausting. Lisa hummed in response, an empathetic tone as she gestured to the stairs of the library that led back to the main lobby of the Knights headquarters. 

            “I am sure. I will have our darling Noelle prepare two rooms for you.” A nervous glance between Cyno and Tighnari, but Lisa spoke before they could voice their concerns. 

              “I assure you that Collei is safe here, one of us will stay with her tonight. But it seems to me that you and your husband could use some time alone, and some rest .” It felt as if she was staring into his frayed nerves, seeing every anxiety, every trigger, every stress. He didn’t want to let Collei out of his sight, not really, but then again, Tighnari needed to talk to Cyno. To properly apologize for his recent behavior. To discuss a way forward . 

              To tell him how much he loved him. How grateful he was to have him as his husband, standing by his side in the hardest situation parents could ever go through. 

              How scared he was that he would lose the two people most important to him. 

              “I…You promise that someone will be with Collei?” A voice from the shadows along the wall, and Kaeya waved a leisurely hand. 

           “I can take the first watch, and then I will get Amber to spend the rest of the night with her. Does that sound alright to you?” A shrewd eye looked over at Tighnari, and somehow, Tighnari knew he could trust this man. 

             “Yes, but please wake us up if-” Kaeya waved him off, going over to Collei, asking for permission and when she nodded in the affirmative, placing her in his arms, supporting her carefully. Compared to the lean mass of Kaeya, Collei looked miniature, even more so than usual. It was obvious he was carrying her as easily as one might carry a backpack.

              “There is a lot in my life that I have to regret, and not taking care of Collei the first time she came to Mondstat, trying then to deny her the same freedom I yearned for within the gates, is chief among them. Surely you would not take away my chance for atonement?” Tighnari watched his daughter in his arms, stiff as a porcelain doll, and it was hard to let go, to give someone else a bit of control.

               Everything was already so far out of his control lately, what really did he have a grasp on anymore? 

               “I…Alright. Thank you.” Kaeya gave one last one handed salute with two fingers, and then began to carry Collei up the stairs to where Tighnari presumed the bedrooms were. A moment's pause as a knight in a most peculiar dress went to them and informed them which room would be theirs for the night, and the couple followed behind her. 

              The room was tidy, neat, but rather sparse. Still, compared to thier accommodations on the road, this felt like a five star inn. Their satchels were already in the room, Tighnari suspecting that Lisa had something to do with that, and someone had even left a tray with water and small snacks. Tignari sat down on the bed, resting his head in his hands. 

               Thoughts swirled around him in a disorienting haze, interrupted only by a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

               “Tigh? Talk to me, what are you thinking?” Tighnari bit back a sarcastic retort that always seemed to linger on his tongue, and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Cyno sat down next to him, his hands now on his lap. Quiet, and then Cyno spoke, his voice softer than Tighnari had heard in a long time. 

                “Tell me how to help. You know I sometimes-” A pause and then Cyno amended his statement.

            “I have trouble with comforting people. I want to….Just fix the problem. But this isn’t something I can fix. It's not something I can will into… being made right with enough effort. So, what do you want me to do?” A hint of frustration at the end, but it was only fair, of course it was fair. Tighnari had been frustrated for weeks, snapping at attempts to comfort, always on the edge of a breakdown. He wasn’t giving Cyno anything to work with, and he knew that now. 

            “You’re right, this isn’t something that you can fix Cyno. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for you trying. You’re helping, in your own way, and I’ve been unfair to you.” Tighnari looked over at his husband, tears welling at the corners of his eyes. 

             “I just, I can’t tell you what I need, cause I don’t know what I need. I try-.” Tighnari took a breath, calming his voice and swallowing the growing painful lump in his throat. 

              The lump refused to budge, and Tighnari continued on with a whispered voice, thick with emotion. 

             “I try to stay calm. Focus on Collei. I get upset when you try to help, but I never even told you that it wasn’t helpful. That wasn’t fair of me Cyno.” Another breath, and he managed to get some of his emotions under control, enough to speak at least. 

             “I don’t think anything can really help right now, save a miracle and Collei suddenly becoming healthy again.” A bitter chuckle, and then he continued. 

              “But, even if you can’t fix this problem, I still appreciate your presence.” Tighnari crossed the distance, wrapping his arms around Cyno’s neck, his forehead pressed to his husbands chest. 

              “Stay with me. That’s how you can help. Stay by my side, Cyno.” As soon as the last word left his lips Tighnari felt tight arms wrap around him, holding him pressed to Cyno’s chest. 

               “I’m not going anywhere Tighnari. Don’t even think that I might.” Trembling lips responded against his chest. 

               “I was worried, you know with how I’ve been-” 

               “How you’ve been? Tigh, you, we , have been under a lot of stress lately. Now, I know how I can help. It’ll get better, you’ll see.” Tighnari wished so much that he could believe him, he really did, but even if he did not share in his husband's optimism, it was enough to have him at his side. That night, sleep was afforded to them at last.

                                                                                                                       ******

             Kaeya was not the cavalry captain by pure luck, or by nepotism. No, he had earned his keep here at the Knights by being shrewd, calculating, and having an eye for detail. So, the instant he saw the trio stagger their way into the city gates, he knew that there was something off about the girl he used to know. 

              Back then, true, they were not on good terms. Attacking someone in the street and having them retaliate with a black snake made of smoke tends to have that effect on relationships. Still, he knew enough of her behavior to know that this was not Collei. She should have tensed up at the sight of him, considering their last encounter, and certainly gave a strong hell no to being carried up the stairs. Who was it then, under that skin?

               He had no damned clue. 

               Still, he had long ago learned to trust his gut, and the only way to narrow the options was to interact with this new Collei, get to know them, and figure out their true motives. Help Cyno and Tighnari get their daughter back, yes, but most importantly, protect Mondstat from a new threat. A threat? Kaeya snapped himself out of it. There was most certainly nothing threatening about the kid in his arms right now. She couldn’t even walk up the stairs, for fucks sake. But, it did not ease his nerves in the slightest. It was far too strange for comfort.

             Kaeya glanced down at the girl in his arms, dull eyes staring ahead into space. How long had it been since she was in Mondstat? She was what, fifteen, sixteen now? 

              Sixteen. Time flew, and people change in that amount of time. Maybe this is just who she is now? Maybe it was his fault, and he set her up for the world to defeat her. Truly, it was his doing, then. It was impossible for Kaeya to not feel responsible to some degree for what he saw before him. Something he could have done different, or better, or changed. Rewind the clock, go back and make it right, because who, or what, he has in his arms sure as shit isn’t okay, and he had a horse in that race. He should have never tried to fight her, what the hell was he thinking? Fighting a 10 year old and winning is no victory, and there was certainly no winner on that day. 

               He meant it when he said a part of him wanted to reconcile with Collei, make up for his treatment of her when they first met. Kaeya knew now what it was like to have someone under your care, someone you loved unconditionally. Klee had come into the knights care not too long after Collei left with Cyno, and in that time Kaeya had co-parented with the entire guild this little spark knight. Their outings were known far and wide, both in infamy, and in joy. A fisherman’s worst nightmare, for sure. 

                There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for the little elf, and if she was under a terrible curse, like the one Collei suffered from all those years ago?

                 Hand him a long enough lever, and a fulcrum with which to place it, and he would move Celestia itself to free her from that fate. 

                So, if he was truthful to himself (and he rarely was) he wanted to help Collei…To help Collei. To give two fathers their daughter back, their real daughter. 

              Kaeya entered a guest room, furnished with a bed and a small table and two chairs. He set Collei down in said chair, almost having to move her into place like a doll. He slid a cup of water her way and sat down, waiting for her to say anything. 

               Nothing. 

               How did Cyno not see that this was no longer his daughter? 

              Well, the mind saw what it wanted to, and it was very efficient at blocking the painful truth. Kaeya plastered his signature smile on his face, gesturing to the plate of snacks left out by Noelle. 

            “So, Collei, get comfortable, have some snacks. How about we play a game of TCG before we turn in for the night?” At first no response, and then a hesitant nod. If he wasn’t mistaken, her eyes were a bit more alive now, shrewdly eyeing the captain. Kaeya was quick to disguise any of his true intentions, clapping his hand in a jovial statement. If anyone else saw Kaeya acting like this, they would assume an interrogation was about to begin, and they would be wholly correct. 

             “Wonderful, I have been wanting to play with you for so long, ever since Amber said that you got your first deck. Cyno seems to be one of the greatest in the world at this card game, so i have to wonder if i’m walking right into a trap, challenging his daughter to a game.” A nod of acceptance, and then Collei withdraw a box of cards, shuffling them with eyes that seemed two thousand yards out of focus before placing them on the table. Kaeya copied, withdrawing his own deck and doing the same, picking his three characters and placing them strategically. Kaeya flipped a coin, and then gestured to Collei’s deck. 

               “Ladies first.” For a moment, Collei made no move to look at her cards, but a pale and thin hand, archons it was thin, turned over the cards. The three cards facing up now, and Collei stopped, her face even paler than before, which should have been physically impossible.

               Kaeya blinked, eyeing the cards, a thin smile creeping up on his lips. He couldn't help but be smug about the sight he saw before him. Hook, Line, and Sinker. 

              The Hanged Man, Justice and Judgment. 

              Kaeya took one more look at the cards, and then let out a chuckle. 

              “Oh dear, is our Collei getting into fortune telling? When you’ve healed we can speak with Mona, our local expert in that matter. For now, get out your real deck.” 

              Kaeya watched as Collei nervously stuffed the cards back into the box from which they came, almost bending the corners in her haste to stuff them away and out of sight. 

                Surely, the cards were a simple mix-up? 

               What else could it be? 

Chapter Text

             Mornings in the Knight's office seemed to be a rather chaotic affair. It was a good thing that Tighnari had made the “no weapons in bed rule,” to Cyno’s initial objection, which included a quick lecture that it isn't necessary to sleep with your spear when you feel safe. Cyno had picked up that habit from his years on the force serving as the General Mahamatra when they first got married, and it was a good thing Tighnari’s speech actually stuck, or else Cyno might have made a very tragic mistake that first morning. 

              In the unfamiliar bed surrounded by a room that was a little too clean for his liking, his body was already on hyper-alert, and so when he felt the first poke, he woke instantly, his hand reaching for his side where his polearm usually would lie. To an outward observer, it would seem like he did not sleep well, but in contrast, Cyno slept like the dead regardless of the environment when he felt unquestionably safe, which was only half true here. More importantly, the strange poke to his left jolted him instantly awake and sent the rest of him into a frenzy. That was most definitely not Tighnari, who he could still feel under the sheets to his right. Heart pounding, Cyno twisted his head to see who the intruder was, and was greeted with-

            A child? In a bright red nightgown, a small gap in her teeth, and a wild head of blond hair seemed to stretch into every direction except back. At seeing him awake the girl clapped and hopped slightly, reaching for Cyno’s arm, gently tugging. Unsure of what else to do in this situation, Cyno began to slide out of bed to follow. 

             “Good morning! Klee knew we had guests, Jean said to leave you alone but she said Klee could talk to you when you woke up! And, you’re awake! Hello!” A mischievous grin lit up the girl's face as Cyno stood up, she tugged on his arm and he obediently lowered his head so she could whisper. 

              “She never said I couldn’t wake you up!” Another giggle and Cyno was stunned in confusion, finding himself being kidnapped by the small girl who appeared to be no more than eight years old. As he was dragged to the banister, a sharp female voice rose from the ground floor. 

         “ Klee! Young lady!  That had better not be you up there!” The little girl attached to his arm dove behind him as a woman in formal attire started to ascend the staircase. 

        “Nooooooo, I don’t wanna go to solitary confinement!” Cyno glanced down at the child attempting to hide behind him, her head barely reaching to the upper half of his ribcage, and all he could do was smile, half humored by the situation and half gravely confused. Was this what Collei would have been like if she had come to them sooner? Just a normal child, able to partake in the mischief afforded to everyone when growing up? If the Doctor had never trapped her, if they had taken care of her from the start? The thought of him trying to take care of a baby caused Cyno to shudder. Perhaps not from the start, but if they had adopted her before the Doctor then-

            No, what's done is done.

            The only way is forward. 

             The woman rounded the stairs and Cyno turned to Klee, raising both pitch and volume of his voice to make sure he compensated for his initial just-got-out-of-bed tone, and to be heard by whoever seemed to be Klee’s retainer. 

             “Klee, thank you for showing me around, how about you help me find the kitchen and we can get some breakfast before my husband and daughter wake up?” A moment of confusion, and then Klee’s eyes lit up with recognition of his deception, and she nodded quickly, eager to join in the conspiracy. 

              “You are very welcome Mr. Cyno, it is Klee’s duty to help our guests!” Klee grabbed his hand in the imitation of a head maid or butler, gesturing to the staircase as if she didn’t see the woman watching them with folded arms and shrewd eyes. 

              “I can help you find your way eas-eas-”

            “Easily?” The woman offered with a quirked eyebrow. 

            “Easily!” Klee exclaimed, and then her voice became a bit more quiet, eyes downcast. 

            “Good morning Jean. I was just going to show Mr. Cyno around.” Dubious expressions greeted Cyno, but he nodded to the woman, sharing a non-verbal exchange with the woman apparently charged with this girl's care. Eventually, Jean relented and stepped aside.

              “Alright, but don’t wake everyone else up, Klee. They need their rest.” Klee once again pulled on Cyno’s hand and they began to make their way down the stairs, Jean calling after them. 

            “Klee do not steal all the whipped cream for the pancakes, Noelle worked hard on that for our guests .” They made it down the stairs, Klee huffing. 

             “Ah man, Klee loves whipped cream.” Cyno pretended to consider this issue and then whispered to the girl. 

           “I think I can be willing to give you some of my whipped cream if you agree to listen to Jean for the rest of the day.” Overjoyed wide eyes greeted him, the child dropping his hand as she excitedly pulled open the door to what he assumed was the dining room. 

            “Mhm! Klee will be the best girl today!” Cyno followed her in, allowing her to climb into a seat before pushing it in for her, making sure that she could reach the table. 

             “You sure you can promise me that?” Another eager shake of the head and it was a wonder the girl didn’t dislodge another loose tooth.  

             It would never appear to be such at first glance, but Cyno was a natural at interactions with children. Too many unfortunate situations resulted whenever kids got involved in his line of work, so one day he made it a priority to learn how to be more approachable, and a more effective communicator. Unfortunately, skills meant at de-escalating situations with kids in them rarely seemed to translate to the adults perpetrating such incidents. Cyno chalked it up to the nature of his job, kids simply do not know the cruelty of the world at that age, or how to exact it on others. Adults were much more resilient. 

              Cyno stopped, and thought about Collei, for just a moment. His heart hurt a little more.

              “Good, then it's a deal.” Cyno shook her small hand, and lounged back in his chair, looking around the small dining room. It was quiet. They seemed to be the first ones awake, but there was a bustle from the kitchen. Cyno began to move his chair out to see if they needed help, but a small hand on his arm stopped him. 

            “Nu-uh, Klee was told that Noelle likes to cook alone. One of the other knights tried to help and she got really upset.” The shy girl who led them to their rooms last night was capable of being upset? That was certainly a scary thought. Cyno pulled his chair back in and was content to wait, chatting with the little spark knight as they waited for others to join them. Kaeya was the next to arrive, walking through the door as elusive as ever, a face slightly grinning to match, a fact that delighted Klee as the man circled around the table to place a kiss on her forehead before sitting across from them. 

            “Has our spark knight been staying out of trouble?” Kaeya offered, eye glancing over at Cyno as if to gauge his reaction. 

            “Mhm! Mr. Cyno said he would give me his whipped cream for my pancakes, so I promise to be extra good today!” A shout from the kitchen, Noelle’s head peeking out from the door. 

              “Klee, General Cyno? Why didn’t you tell me you were waiting?” Cyno waved her off, trying to ease her obviously heightened nerves. 

              “I’ve been enjoying this peaceful morning, please don’t worry.” The knight's maid nodded and then returned to the kitchen with even more vigor than before. Funny enough, but that wasn’t a lie at all. Despite having been awoken into flight or fight, he had been having a good morning so far. Klee was a capricious but kind child, and it was nice to have a moment to himself to think. Shuffled steps from the stairs and crossed the foyer, and Cyno felt a soft brush of a kiss on his cheek. 

           “Morning Cyno.” 

             Cyno hummed as his husband sat down beside him, running a hand through his hair. 

             “Good morning Tighnari. Sleep well?” A genuine question, and he got an honest answer.

              “Not too well, but better than I have in a long time. I think I slept for four hours, which is a new record for me.” It was a start, that was certain. Jean made her way into the room not long after, and Noelle began to put food out on the table, offering coffee or tea. One spot at the table remained, and Cyno began to get a little restless, Tighnari offered to go fetch her, but thankfully they didn’t have to do that. Shuffling steps made their way down the hallway from the nearest bedroom, and then Collei finally came into clear view, entering the room quietly and sitting down next to Tighnari without a word. 

              Klee turned to face the new person entering the room and gasped, startling the table. Klee tugged on Cyno’s arm, face full of earnest concern. She didn’t mean anything bad about it, she didn’t know but that didn’t help the hurt Cyno felt. 

              “Is she okay? Why does she look li-”

              “ Klee! ” Jean snapped, stopping the child before she could finish her sentence. 

             “But Jean, she needs help- '' Jean put up her hands, trying to stop the already derailing train wreck of a conversation. 

              “Not another word Klee. This is something for grownups to worry about, okay?” A soft voice that shocked him pipped up, silencing the room. 

              “No, it’s okay, she should know.” Tighnari leaned across the table, looking over at Klee, gesturing to Collei who remained mute and still as a statue. 

                “This is our daughter, Collei. She is sick right now, but that’s why we are here, so we can make her better.” Klee seemed to consider this, and then pointed at Jean, with as much excitement as if she had solved a very difficult math problem. 

                 “Jean is a healer, she can help!” Silence again, this time Kaeya electing to fill it. 

           “I'm afraid it’s not that simple, Spark Knight. We are going to take her to see your brother-”

             “You’re going to see big brother?! Klee wants to come!” The child interrupted, excitedly shifting in her chair. For a moment, Kaeya seemed to consider this before gesturing to Cyno and Tighnari, the question obvious. Klee turned to Cyno, holding onto his arm. 

              “Can Klee please come with you? I promise to be a good girl and not get in the way!” A moment's hesitation and Cyno sighed. 

               “I don’t see any problem with it, but when we are talking to your brother, you have to agree to play in another room, alright?” Klee nodded eagerly, looking down at her plate as Noelle shuffled forward with breakfast now that the tension in the room had died down to a reasonable level. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, and as promised, Cyno scraped his whipped cream onto the girl's own stack of pancakes. 

                 He wasn’t in the mood for sweets anyway. 

                                                                                                                      *********

            Heat was something that Cyno was well acquainted with, even if it posed a threat to health on days when the desert sun was unrelenting. It was those desert nights however that offered the most problems, hours spent shivering in your tent, waiting for the sudden switch to an intense heat that came with the rising of the sun. 

             Dragonspine was a little bit like those desert nights, only this mountainside actually offered snow. The lack of humidity was negated by the fact that the snow was falling directly on you. 

              He quickly realized that he hated snow. 

               “What, afraid of a little frostbite?” Mondstats cavalry captain mocked beside him, they were leading their group, clearing the path and watching for monsters while behind them trailed the rest of their crew. Tighnari, holding what might have very well been just a mass of blankets formed to look like Collei, and Klee at the back, bombs in hand. Cyno still had extremely serious doubts about letting that child have any sort of weapons, but she was adept at using those explosives, which she demonstrated when a hilichrul tried to creep up behind the group. 

                When Klee was done with her torrent of homemade explosives, Cyno almost felt bad for the hilichurl, or rather, the once hilichurl shaped crater. They continued walking after forming back up, Klee looking over their shoulders every ten or so seconds, the child taking her position quite seriously. 

          “Of course, I am scared of frostbite, I prefer my fingers and toes where they currently are.” Cyno huffed into his hands, trying to warm them. Behind them, Klee shouted from the back, another eager offer. 

             “I can make a fire!”

              With a chorus of no’s from the adults, Klee’s idea was once again rebuffed. The last thing they needed was a forest fire, even if its warmth would have been very welcome at that moment. 

              “Hmm, fair enough. Tell me Cyno, how is it that you became a family man? You are worlds apart from the stern-faced general who picked up Collei all those years ago.” Kaeya nudged, sheathing his sword as they entered a clearing that for the moment, seemed free of monsters and other pests. 

            Cyno held his polearm firmly at his side, staying vigilant as they walked across the empty field. Not that the cold would have given him much of a chance to relax anyway. 

           “If I’m honest, I’m not sure. We were taking care of Collei, and then, that continued to be the case. I don't know if there is a defining moment where I can say I became a “family man” as you put it. Collei did have some jitters about finally being able to let her guard down, but over time with my husband's disarmingly gentle nature, she warmed up to us as much as we warmed up to her, and that is how it has been ever since.” Cyno deliberated as they continued up the summit, passing some sort of ancient building. Kaeya was obviously studying it, while Tighnari looked a little frazzled. 

           Klee was Klee. 

           Cyno picked back up, the odd silence draping over them, readjusting the leather wrap on his spear. “The only real moment of peril that I can recall is on the first night when she mistakenly believed that it was all too good to be true. We had to rescue her from a tiger that took her for easy pickings.”  Cyno glanced back at Collei on Tighnari’s back, head hanging on his shoulder, dull eyes staring at the mountainside ahead of them. Tighnari continued, speaking for the first time in quite a while.  

             “You should have heard her confused voice that night. She just couldn't understand why we would be willing to help her, to rescue her from those animals. Collei had never had someone on her side, not until she met Amber here in Mondstat. We both knew from then on, that we were all she had. We had to step up; there simply wasn’t any other choice that we could live with.” Cyno’s fingers clenched onto his weapon, silence enveloping the crew once again as they entered the trail, eyes once again scanning the surrounding landscape. They passed some time like this, the only sound being the crunching of snow under their boots and the howling wind. 

            “I meant it when I said that I want to make up for what I did to Collei, all those years ago.” Cyno blinked and then looked over at the newly grim-faced cavalry captain. With a shock, Cyno realized he had never seen the man without his signature, practically troublemaking smile. 

            “I didn’t see a child who needed help, all I saw was a threat to the city. I’m sorry for that. I should have been able to see what was plainly in front of me, but I was too stubborn and prideful to rescind my first impression. So, thank you Cyno, for showing me there was a second option. It gave me as much to think about then, as it does now.” The smile was back almost as quickly as it had left, and Kaeya clapped his back, the sound almost echoing across the trail. Up ahead, finally, he could see the faint impression of smoke rising from torches. 

            “You’ll get Collei back, I have no doubt.” Kaeya gripped his arm, just a bit too tight, and then broke off, calling up ahead of them. 

             Kaeya was a strange person, but a very good ally. Cyno would remember that. 

                                                                                                            ********

          Tighnari was way too old for this. Hiking up a mountain in sheer cold weather, carrying his daughter on his back while also babysitting another girl, however charming she was, was beginning to wear on his nerves. By the time they made it to the famed alchemist's lab, he was ready to scream in frustration, cry from despair, or a mixture of the two. 

            He sorely hoped that this was worth the trouble, because otherwise? They were out of ideas. Lisa had made it clear that while willing to help, she was not truly entirely suited for Collei’s physical symptoms. The nuns at the cathedral could not heal Collei’s mental troubles that were causing the physical ailments. Everywhere they turned there was a roadblock to her getting better, either from outside forces or from Collei herself. 

            Did she even want to get better?

           Tighnari shook his head as he set a very generously insulated Collei down on the snow-covered ground, steadying her expertly before they walked together the rest of the way to the lab's open door. Inside a clattering as Klee ran ahead, shouting for her brother. Quiet, soft scolding, and then a blond-haired man in a short sleeve coat came out holding Klee affectionately in his arms, even as it seemed the girl had interrupted an important experiment if lab the goggles hanging loosely around the man's neck was any indication. 

            “Ah, hello, you must be the travelers that my sister told me about, welcome. ” The man gestured inside as a woman with fluffy green hair rolled, no, rode? out in a chair? With wheels, and it seemingly moved on its own? Tighnari made a mental note to inquire about this invention later. Kaeya and Cyno were already inside the lab, within the smell of smoke and the dim rumbling of bubbling. Tighnari turned to Collei, a faint smile on his lips. He tried not to take in her blank, doll-like eyes. 

           “Well sprout, no sense in keeping everyone else waiting.” Collei made no move until he gently grabbed her forearm, leading her inside where the woman gestured to the closest available seat. Tighnari took Collei to the offered spot and gently pushed on her shoulders until she sat down, staring ahead into the fire. 

            A flash of mirror shards, blood running down her pale arms, and Tighnari quickly took his spot next to Collei, hand on her forearm. The lady in the mechanical chair seemingly rode closer to them somehow, the chair making a strange whirring noise and then a beep as it was commanded to move somehow until it came to a halt in the near center of the room. From this view, it was exceptionally obvious that she had a broken left leg and foot, and a rather well done cast around them. 

            Perhaps that was why she needed that strange machine. It was similar to those expensive wheeled chairs that Cyno had only seen once or twice in all his days of work, except the wheels were way smaller, and there was a large box both on the underside and wrapped around to the back of it. Exposed lines of various colors snaked around the interior and exterior of the chair, connecting to things Cyno couldn't name. There was a stick on the right side that seemed to be a direction control, attached to one of the two armrests. It must weigh at least two hundred pounds, and it looked wildly expensive, not in the sense of luxuries like precious metals or stones, but in the sense of production cost It truly looked one of a kind.

            “So, how can we help you today?” The woman said, and then started, a meek voice that spoke of chagrin.

             “My apologies, I never introduced myself. My name is Sucrose, and I am sure that Klee has told you about her brother, Mr. Albedo.” The aforementioned alchemist waved her off, sitting down with Klee on his lap, allowing the child to braid his shoulder-length hair as he talked. Klee seemed completely content to annihilate the styling of her brother’s hair as he talked to the group before them. 

              “No need for such formalities, Sucrose. I’ve been told that Cyno and Kaeya already know each other, so there is no need to be punctual.” With his free hand, Albedo gestured to Kaeya, who merely waved him off. 

          “Speaking of, I need to get back to work before Jean rises from her mountain of paperwork and drags me back by my ears, both of which I must say I value quite a lot staying right where they are on my head. See you bunch later.” Kaeya placed two fingers on his forehead in a mock salute before turning back down the path, his form soon lost in the fog and white of the snow. Cyno noted that Kaeya talked differently around them all together, versus alone. 

           “Should we?” Tighnari glanced at Albedo who shook his head. 

           “No, he will be fine. The Cavalry captain is too stubborn for his own good anyway. Now then, back to this young lady, whom I assume is your main concern?” The alchemist gestured to Collei, Tighnari smothering the spark of annoyance that was creeping into his voice. 

             “Yes, this is Collei, our daughter.” Sighing, Tighnari gathered his resolve to once again explain the entire story, for what felt like the millionth time. Albedo, for his part, took notes, humming in thought as he scratched down notes on a piece of paper he seemed to materialize out of thin air. Every once in a while he would turn to Sucrose, speaking to her in a conspiratory manner. When Tighnari was done with the whole story, yet again, the two merely turned their attention to Collei. 

           “Well, that is certainly a harrowing tale. Do you have anything to add Collei?” Silence greeted them as if he expected anything else at this point. 

           “I see. Collei, we are going to run some basic evaluative tests, is that alright with you?” Again, nothing but the slightest shudder, and so Tighnari spoke up on her behalf. 

            “What kind of tests are you wanting to perform?” Tighnari regarded the alchemist with increasingly protective eyes, his patience was running thin and this man spoke of running “tests” like they hadn’t just finished explaining how Collei had been used as a test subject for most of her life. 

             “I want to examine her elemental power, see how she reacts with her vision in order to get a gauge on this, “archons residue.” I would also like to run some normal physical and mental exams as you might get at a more typical physician or psychiatrist.” Beside him, Tighnari felt Collei stiffen, and he moved to protest when Klee suddenly jumped off of her brother's lap, going to Collei. The little girl grabbed her hand before Tighnari could stop her, and clung onto one hand, the other moving to her backpack. In one fell motion she unclipped the bomb-shaped bunny that hung there and placed it in Collei’s lap. Tighnari saw a flash of a green kitty, with an oddly frowning face before he was dragged back into the current moment. 

            “Klee understands you’re scared, doctors are scary! But it's okay, cause big brother isn’t a doctor, he’s an al-al-alchemist! And you can keep Dodoco until you’re all done, Klee always feels better when Dodoco is around! Klee needs to go now, she promised she would stay out of the way!” With that the child turned, and raced further down the lab, saying something that it seemed only Albedo could decipher before the group turned their attention back to Collei. 

           Collei stared blankly at the toy in her lap, before thin arms wrapped around the stuffed plush, and Tighnari sighed. What else could they do but keep moving forwards?

          “Let’s start slow, please. Cyno and I are staying with her.”. Tighnari left no room for discussion with his tone. Albedo nodded, standing then, Sucrose beside her turning around in her own seat and began to roll down the hallway, expertly grabbing supplies. 

          “Of course.” Albedo acknowledged as he too gathered supplies. When they seemed satisfied with their collection, Albedo went to Collei, leaning down in front of her. 

           “Collei, first we are going to do some basic measurements, okay? I want you to stand on this scale here.” He gestured to a square hunk of metal with weights attached to the top, suspended with levers of some sort. “And then we will also get your height.” Albedo turned his head to Cyno, as if aware of Tighnari’s rising tension. 

           “How old was it you said she was?”

           “Sixteen.” Cyno offered, standing now and helping ease Collei up to her feet. She wavered a moment, Tighnari reflexively standing behind her, but then she found her bearings. Like this, they made their way to the scale. First, her height was scratched onto paper by the golden-haired alchemist, and then the moment that Tighnari was fearing the most. 

            Sucrose moved her riding chair back behind the scale so that the scale was on her left side. She started to slide down weights, hoping to achieve equilibrium. Her eyes gave away her surprise when this was achieved within the first few weights. She blinked, glanced at Albedo, and then slid the weights all the way down to the side they had started from. 

            “I…I am just going to run that one more time.” They repeated this process, but the scale did not lie. Tighnari watched as Albedo pulled out an abacus, crunching the numbers, frowning at the answer he found. 

           From there on more tests than Tighnari could count were conducted, even up to blood work, which took quite a bit of convincing. Finally, it was suggested they took a break in between the normal “doctor” tests and those that would test her elemental power. Once again, Albedo and Sucrose conspired, until it was apparently decided that Sucrose would deliver the news.

            As if Tighnari didn’t already know the answer. 

            The assistant, Sucrose, spoke slightly too softly to be heard, before adjusting her volume once it was clear the others could not hear her. 

          “Um, well, okay, according to what we have found so far, it seems that Collei is severely malnourished. Her blood work is unstable, with a drastically high white blood cell count, suggesting her immune system is working overtime over something we have yet to determine without more advanced work. Her albumin is also critically low, and her electrolytes are off balance. She doesn't have enough nutrients in her to properly keep her muscles, skeleton, or truly anything in working order, and as such her weight is drastically small for her age group. She is only 80 pounds when she should really be at least one hundred and ten for her height and age group."

           Eighty? 

           No. They needed to weigh her again.

          There was no way she had lost over forty pounds in the past two months, no way that she weighed as much as she did when she first came to the village as a child. Collei had always been a light eater, but this was ridiculous, surely. 

           Cyno broke the silence first, looking to Sucrose, his eyes darting between the woman and Collei. 

           "What do we do then? How can we fix this?" Tighnari felt like his head was going to explode. They were all tiptoeing around the issue, the true thing causing Collei's issues. They could try to ignore it all they want, but nothing would change the fact that Collei- 

            Collei didn't want to be here anymore. There was nothing left for her here. 

             Tighnari gripped his knees, nails digging into the skin over his knees caps, voices around them droning on and on. A quiet voice broke him out of his mind. 

           "Mr. Tighnari? I asked you and your husband what you typically serve at home. It's important for Collei to be getting enough protein, carbs, and fats in her diet.`` Tighnari didn't respond, quiet rage building. When the woman tried again, Tighanri was not even listening. His thoughts screaming inside his head are far too loud and yet completely silent. 

              Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. 

              Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. 

            Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. 

            Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. 

           Don’t lie to me. You’re wrong. 

           You’re wrong.

          You’re wrong. You're wrong. 

           You're wrong, and You’re wrong . None of you get it. None of you get it at all. None of you get it. You don't get it. You don't understand. It’s not making sense to you, is it? It’s beyond you somehow.   You all see her right in front of you. You all see her. She is right there. She’s here, in the room, and yet none of you get it. So why don’t you get it? How can you all just not see it? 

          Sucrose shifted in her seat awkwardly. Albedo walked and stopped beside her, getting in between Tighnari and Sucrose. Tighnari was completely locked up, staring at something far away that does not exist. He felt the pit of his stomach fall, blackness edging around his eyes as his blood ran cold. 

          “Tighnari, dear? What is the matter?” 

            On the exterior, Cyno always tried to maintain composure. But now, he felt hopeless. Never before had Tighnari done what Cyno was witnessing before him. It was a thousand-yard stare. It was horror in full view. It was glass and cuts and blood, and Cyno did not know how to drag his husband out of this spiral. He knew Tighnari’s cues, he memorized them the best he could, but this was new, and it was scary. 

           Tighnari seemed to wobble, uttered a slurred whisper, and then collapsed like a ragdoll, lights out. Completely limp, just barely saved from severe brain damage that would have been caused by slamming into the floor if it weren't for Cynos ever fast hands, quickly slipping his palm behind Tighnari and leveraging him safely into his arms.

           Sucrose shrunk back into her chair, as if she did the reflex to back away, but only shifted in her seat, a gentle creak as the machine barely shifted in place, before it beeped 4 times, and allowed Sucrose to back up about a foot. Beside her Albedo stood and shifted himself between them, hands awkwardly in between wanting to help and not knowing what to do. Cyno stared at his husband, in his arms, completely unsure what to make of the situation. This was so unlike him, Cyno did not even know where to begin.

           Witnessing it all, but not making any moves, was Collei. Doll-eyed Collei, arguably not even aware of what just happened. Finally, a strangled voice peeped out of the mouseish scientist. 

            “Oh dear…Perhaps we should stop for now?” The woman meekly offered, shifting uncomfortably in the strange contraption. Like they had any other choice, Cyno mused as he shuffled his husband into his arms, and then deposited him gently on the ground, raising his legs to place them above his heart, resting on the seat he had almost fallen out of. Beside his feet Collei watched, and Cyno did his best to offer guidance. 

           “Collei, dear, try to help me keep his legs on the chair.” It was an easy request, and not even necessary, but one that Cyno was relieved to see obeyed. Collei made her first independent movement since entering the lab, and rested her hands on Tighnari’s ankles, appearing to help keep them in place. 

            “Good, thank you, sweetie.” Cyno knelt next to his husband, hands on either side of his face, thumb gently rubbing across Tighnari’s cheekbone. 

             “Tigh? Wake up now Tigh.” Silence only responded, and beside him he felt a cold rag being pressed into his hand. He glanced up as Sucrose handed him a canister of chilled grape juice, which he accepted, knowing they would need it when Tighnari came around. After a few moments of patting his cheek with the cold rag, and fanning him off, Tighnari finally let out a groan, waking up like he was pushing off a heavy duvet. 

             “U-Ugh. I’m sorry, I don’t…I don’t know what came over me.” Cyno managed a chuckle, pressing a kiss to his husband's flushed forehead. 

           “Silly doctors, always apologizing when they become the patient.” Cyno glanced up as Albedo slid away a syringe. After an inquisitive glare, the alchemist shrugged, offering a faint explanation. 

           “Thought his blood sugar might have dropped, so I’ve been testing a new-” The alchemist's assistant cleared her throat, and he finally stopped, setting aside the needle. 

           “Yes, well, let’s….Take a break? Tighnari, does anything hurt?” His husband winced, which the alchemist seemed to take as a response in the affirmative, but Cyno knew his husband's cues better than that. So, when Albedo stepped out of the room, he shifted Tighnarly slowly to a sitting position and helped him drink some of the grape juice. 

            “What happened Tigh?” When his husband refused to answer, he tried again, a bit firmer this time. Concern threaded through his words, his hand gently pushing aside a loose bang of Tignari’s hair. 

             “Tigh, you promised you would talk to me. Now talk to me, please.” After a moment more of recovery, Tighnari finished the juice, before he whispered. 

               “I just. It all came over me at once. I didn’t see how bad it really was until she said the numbers. Cyno.” Tighnari was staring off now, voice flat as if trying to prevent it from breaking. 

           “It’s worse than we think. It just keeps getting worse . She is severely malnourished, and the problem is-” Cyno sighed, holding Tighnari closer to his chest. 

            “I know, but we will find the root of the problem, alright?” Silence as Tighnari shifted so his back was pressed against the chair he had almost slid out of, eyes closed. 

            “Of course.” Cyno knew he wanted to say more, but then the alchemist pair returned, and they were sent into a flurry of tests, now directed at Tighnari, which he complied with, for the most part.  He agreed to pretty much everything except peeing in a cup to see if it would attract flies. 

             Finally, the torrent of tests ended, and by this time the sky outside had turned a dark blue as the sun had set over the mountainside. At this point, Klee had finally been fed up with being relegated to the other room and had rejoined them in the main cavern. 

             “It's getting late, you should spend the night here.” Sucrose offered as she stirred the stew over the campfire, Cyno helping where he could so as to not impose too much on their hosts. Cyno finished chopping some local herb, dill they said it was, and slid it into the stew, which Sucrose stirred. 

              Behind them, Klee clapped and jumped on the heels of her feet, rushing over to Albedo where he was already carrying out several blankets and what appeared to be some thin mattresses. Seemed like the pair were no strangers to spending the night in the lab. It was a wonder the two ever slept if Cyno had judged them correctly, which he was fairly certain he had. 

            “Klee wants to sleep in your room!” Her brother chuckled, ruffling her hair as he set down a much smaller, and pink-colored mattress. 

            “I’m afraid we will all be sleeping on our own futons tonight, Klee.” Sucrose stirred the soup some more, took out a smaller spoon, and sampled it, digging out another to let Cyno try it as well. The flavor was foreign to him, but not at all unpleasant. 

            “ Awwww , that's not fair, Ms. Sucrose gets to visi-” Beside him, the aforementioned lab assistant froze, spoon halfway to her lips as Albedo hastily stopped his sister's sentence. 

            “Klee, let's play the silent game. Whoever is quiet longest wins!” The child puffed out her cheeks, a deep frown etched on her face, but she remained quiet for the rest of the time it took for the stew to finish simmering. 

           The stew was served by a red-faced lab assistant, and an alchemist doing his very best to remain professional and failing at it miserably. Cyno sat down at the table, exchanging a glance at his husband. It seemed like forever ago they too, had started out as shy lovers. Now, they were parents and- Cyno cast a glance over at his non-eating daughter. 

             And it was going to take a lot of work for things to feel normal again. 

                                                                                                          ******

           A crash awoke Tighnari in the middle of the night, and he prepared to run, a sickening familiarity in that crash, like that of glass breaking. 

           No. 

           NO.

           Tighnari whipped his head around and saw-...Collei, peacefully sleeping on the couch, just as they had left her after dinner. The only new thing was the addition of a small stuffed rabbit, that Klee had apparently taken upon herself to deposit into the teen's arms. 

            So then, if it wasn’t Collei, where was the sound coming from? Tighnari whipped his head to the entrance of the cave, slowly shaking off the blanket, being careful to not hit Cyno with it as he slunk to the corner of the room where his bow rested. The wind outside the hastily insulated and sealed double-doored entrance of the cave wailed and moaned, and the freshly falling snow combined with the darkness made it almost impossible to tell who, or what was making the noise. 

           Tignari notched an arrow onto his bow, allowing his vision to imbue the tip with its power before he crept outside, where the wind instantly chilled his bare hands and feet. Still, he scanned the surrounding area, voice firm. 

           “Show yourself!” 

           “Hold off on the friendly fire, would yah?!” A familiar voice squeaked, and Tighnari lowered his bow, squinting out into the darkness. 

           “...Paimon?” The aforementioned fairy finally crept into view, shivering, the traveler behind her nonchalant despite the negative two-degree temperature they currently found themselves in. 

           “Sorry for waking you in the middle of the night like this Tighnari. You made it hard to find you.” Tignari sighed, pushing aside the curtain of linens so that they too could enter the relative warmth of the laboratory. 

             “Traveler, you are my dear friend, but we can’t possibly return to-”

               The traveler waved their hands, obviously having anticipated this reaction. 

            “No, of course not, this is nothing about that. Well, it is, but not in that way. Nahida has been organizing the high-level documents at the Akadeymia, she wanted to keep her promise to you two.” Tighnari blinked, allowing his bow to be set back down on the floor. 

             “Oh. I see.” Numbness crept into his tone, it was either shield himself or risk another fainting episode, which was not something he wanted to repeat within the same twelve-hour span. The Traveler either did not notice this shift in him or had decided to ignore it in favor of the more pressing issue. They withdrew a small leatherbound satchel and offered this to Tighnari, which he took but did not open. 

             The Traveler's eyes flitted around, not really settling on one thing, and not truly looking him in the eyes, as if he would die on the spot if he locked eyes with Tighnari.

            “What…..What is in here?” The Traveler and Paimon exchanged a glance, and then the Traveler responded. 

             “It has Dottores notes about Collei. It seems like someone was photocopying it at the Akadeymia.” The Traveler rushed their words as if trying to empty their mouth of bitter poison. Tighnari blinked, numb fingers gripping tightly to the satchel. 

           “Notes?” A weak voice that didn’t even sound like his own squeaked out from within him, and the Traveler clarified. 

             “Lab notes, test studies and…Pictures.” Tighnari looked down at the satchel as if it would burn his hand. 

             “He took. He took photos?” The Traveler nodded, clearing their throat. 

              “We can get them developed, whenever you are ready. They might have evidence, or clues as to what is going on with Collei” The Traveler barely stopped to take a breath, clearly stressed by the contents of the satchel. What had they seen within? Why could Tighnari not feel the same level of stress?

              “We thought we would give you that choice however since-”

              “Do it.” Tighnari finally opened the satchel. But his eyes barely scanned over the first page. 

              “Experiment 8205.”  

               Tighnari shoved the paper back into the satchel. This was not something he could stand to read tonight. Not in the dark, and most certainly not alone. 

             “Would you like to come inside?” Tighnari parted the curtain, and quietly, they found an unoccupied portion of the floor for them to sleep on. The Traveler and Paimon soon settled down, and Tighnari tried to follow, slipping back into place beside his husband. 

              Sleep, of course, evaded him. How could it not? 

             Tighnari glanced over at the satchel, and it seemed to call to him, mocking him but encouraging him to look. 

             He had to know. 

                                                                                                                                                ******

            Cyno awoke to an empty mattress, his hand pressed to his side. A small smirk escaped his lips, perhaps Tighnari had gotten the Klee awakening this morning? Cyno sat up, glancing over he saw that Collei was still asleep on the couch, and so he kept his movements controlled and quiet, sliding out from under the blanket. As he stood, he saw Tighnari at the table, head buried in a thick stack of papers, like he was once again a student in the Akadeymia. 

             Cyno cocked his head, quietly watching for a moment. Had Tighnari found some interesting notes in the alchemist's lab? He hoped Albedo wouldn’t mind, sometimes his husband's curiosity and quest for knowledge was too strong for his own good. 

             “Good morning Tigh, what do you have there?” Cyno stopped, feeling the pit of his stomach drop as his husband looked over with glazed-over eyes. That wasn’t the truly horrifying part. No, because Cyno had picked up some of the words on the paper. 

              Vivisection

             Test Subject 

            Surgery number 49

            Intestinal wall 

            Bonesaw

             Cyno’s hand was shaking, and he turned away from the paper, facing his husband. 

            “Tigh, look at me, what are you reading?” 

               No response and Cyno forced himself to read the first page that Tighnari currently held in a death grip. 

Progress notes:

March 15th: 

Subject 8205 continues to be an interesting specimen. The regenerative property of the scales left by its Elezar continues to be an area that warrants further investigation. Will plan to gather more scales today during its visit. Attached are the previous encounters photos upon entry and admission. Please note that as of right now the subject is to be considered hostile, any attempts at physical contact should be considered after the use of sedative. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 130 Lbs

Bp: 120/74

HR: 67

Temperature: 98.2 F

Respirations: 22

March 18th: 

Staff members inform me that the subject has been crying in its sleep, likely due to mental duress. Will assess further to investigate the effects of this on its elemental power and archon residue. A possible link between negative emotions and residue, will attempt to form a more cohesive link with further research. Elevated heart rate suggests heightened levels of stress and anxiety. Will reduce the dose of sedative given to allow further stress in the subject, thus allowing proper testing of the link between negative emotions and residue. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 128 Lbs

Bp: 130/69

HR: 89

Temperature: 98.9 F

Respirations: 29

March 25th: 

The subject has reduced crying as of late, possibly from dejection and despair. Not many things to report on for now. Unfortunately, I have not been able to spend as much time as I would have liked with my favorite test subject. It is truly an enigma that puzzles me more every day. Witnessing a consistent trend of fever and elevated heart rate; the subject visibly appears to be sick, but no sickness could be found. Interesting. Rapid weight loss has most likely eliminated the plans for research continuation beyond this subject. Unfortunate. Will reassess and assign the subject a high-protein diet to hopefully correct this issue in order to restore suitability. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 110 Lbs

Bp: 110/50

HR: 110

Temperature: 101.6 F

Respirations: 28

April 17th:

Barring a small emergency, I am now on charter to succeed in my goals of getting useful data out of our test subject. The preposterous theorem that the Archon residue is reactivating holds no weight here. If it were; my dearest test subject would surely look more like a Consecrated Beast by now. Either way, the residue continues to produce valuable data, and the test subject seems to be expelling what could be considered a derivative of the residue through the scales of Eleazar now. Suggesting that the elevated fever and other symptoms are representatives of a drastically increased immune response. Further, despite the diet of over 4000 calories a day, the subject continues to lose weight. I am truly puzzled as to where this energy is being used. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 102 Lbs

Bp: 105/50

HR: 127

Temperature: 105.6 F

Respirations: 28

May 1st: 

The subject has been run dry, losing its value. Aggressive diet plans have all failed.  Will plan for vivisection in the following week, and must gather all possible data prior in the event of losing specimen during surgery. Subject completely unsuitable for experiment furthering. What a shame. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’2”

Weight: 95 Lbs

Bp: 98/63

HR: 125

Temperature: 100.9 F

Respirations: 27

May 8th: 

Subject prepared for vivisection. The eyes of the subject have lost all forms of life, it has given up.  Will still evaluate alternative methods of furthering the experiment when the time comes. Time is running out; the subject will most likely pass before preservation can be enacted. 

The subject turned sixteen today. Wailed more than usual and would not tell why; guards coerced it to speak. 

Current vitals are as follows: 

Height: 5’ 2”

Weight: 90 Lbs

Bp: 96/52

HR: 130

Temperature: 100.7

Respirations: 25

Happy birthday Collei. I look forward to opening my present. 

           Cyno gagged his hand over his mouth. He had seen many things in his time as the general. Witnessed horrors no normal person could ever hope to understand. He may not have medical knowledge like that of Tighnari, but he knew what had happened to Collei. To see it in the paper, so strict, so formal, nothing more than progress notes ? 

            And his husband was reading it like a copy of the latest issue of The Steambird, so distant and casual. 

             “ Tigh , where did you get these?!” It was only then that he noticed the Traveler and Paimon, Paimon rubbing her eyes, apparently woken by Cyno’s outburst. 

              His husband looked so much like Collei, he was slipping right before Cyno’s very eyes, his voice a tightly professional tone.

              “It’s a miracle he was able to keep her alive for this long Cyno. Do you see these vitals?” Tighnari gestured towards the paper, face blank of all emotion. Tighnari’s typically expressive eyes held no such weight. 

               “She was almost septic, but then he stabilized her, even with the rapid weight loss and continuing infection. Did you know he performed over forty-nine surgeries on her? That is an astounding number of surgeries for such a short amount of time Cyno, especially considering pre-op and post-op time, all of which are here as well.” Cyno looked at his husband as if he had gone mad, which was a distinct possibility with every distant word that left his husband's mouth. 

              “The efficiency required to-”

               “ Enough!” Cyno snapped, slamming his fist down on the papers. Paimon jolted awake, the Traveler not far behind. The fairy was frightened enough to retreat a good 10 feet away from the situation in front, creaking across the room suggesting others had been woken. 

               “Listen to yourself  Tighnari, this is our daughter . These notes, are about Collei. They contain every single thing the Fatui did to her, but it’s no good to anyone when you sit here and pull an all-nighter, coming out the other end looking like a mad scholar. Please stop and come back to bed.” Cynos' voice trailed through the stages of grief as the sentence went on, his face contorting to a muffled panic as he leaned his weight against the table to separate Tighnari’s line of sight from the papers in front of him. The Traveler was now firmly awake, but not engaging with the situation, accepting it had been defused. 

              Tighnari looked blankly through the table, through the floor, through the ground, to something far beyond. He looked at something far beyond anything that could be seen.”

               “I just wanted to know.” 

Chapter Text

           Somewhere, deep in his mind, Tighnari knew that this was wrong. That there was something immensely and deeply wrong with the fact that he was sitting there, reading the notes about his daughter's abuse like the morning paper. Somehow more casual than that, even. 

           But, an all-encompassing fog stifled that part of his mind, blocking the emotions from the facts. The facts were, that these notes would help them understand what exactly had happened to their daughter. Help them figure out what Dottore was really trying to do, and these photos might even have his accomplice's faces, more people to arrest and put to justice. 

           So then why did he feel so numb? 

           Like his entire body was under ice, his mind was left somewhere far above, answering the questions that Cyno flung his way. Pass through him, a gentle question, a gentle poison.

           “I just needed to know.” Tighnari whispered, eyes fixed on the sheet of paper in front of him, not daring to make eye contact with the figure to his side 

            “Needed to know? Tigh, this isn’t.” His husband seemed at a loss for words, finally snatching the papers from his hand. 

           “Please, just. Just take a break at least, okay? I know you didn’t return to bed last night, and you need to sleep. Alright?” Tighnari didn’t respond, merely grabbing his papers out of his husband's hands. The tension slowly built, Cyno was not one to get angry towards the people he loved, but he had just suffered a terrible shock. Shock was not entirely accurate, either. It was more like getting beat to death with a bag of small hammers, each word hurt more than the last. 

            He should just accept the numbness, it made reviewing the documents so much easier. 

           “Tigh, please, this isn’t good for your….Good for you.” Tighnari laughed bitterly, flatly, looking up at his husband. 

            “Someone needs to read these notes, has to understand what procedures were done to Collei so that we can know what to treat. You are not a doctor, let me-” Tighnari bent over his papers, stopping himself from saying more, allowing the numbness to creep further into his mind. Don’t get angry, don’t lash out at your loved ones. 

            Form a shield around your mind, and everything will be okay. You can read these reports with no problems when nothing feels real. 

            Was this the right thing to do? Let himself grow numb, grow-

           Shut up. 

           “Please Cyno. I just want to do this so that we can help Collei before it’s too late.” Tighnari cast a glance over to their daughter on the small couch, a small twinge of relief at the sight of her still asleep, with a newfound stuffed bunny in her arms. The bunny actually did bring comfort, it seemed, from the way Collei was clutching onto it for dear life. A small gift that made a world of difference to someone in need.  

           She almost looked normal, calm. Fully bundled up in the thick blankets he couldn't see the scars on her chest, her arms, encompassing her entire body from the multiple surgeries and experiments. 

           It really was a wonder she was alive now. 

          "I….Fine, but take breaks Tigh. Reading all of this at once, it can't be good for you. At least give your eyes a break." No, that was where Cyno was wrong. Tighnari had made a shield in his mind. Words were words were words. Nothing more than ink on the paper. Nothing more but photographs of the past. 

          Words couldn't hurt him. 

          "I will. Thank you for your concern." Tighnari managed a half-earnest smile, which he was sure Cyno would never believe. He didn't, not if his expression had anything to say about it, but he also didn't say anything else, instead sitting down at the table beside him. Tighnari continued to examine notes until the others awoke, Albedo came into the room, eyes flicking over the papers briefly. He exchanged a look with Cyno, and then Sucrose as she came into the room on her moving wheelchair, the contraption whirring as it propelled them forward into an unknown. 

          "Tighnari. What is that?" Sucrose started weakly, thankfully, Tighnari was saved from another explanation when the Traveler rolled awake, sitting up and looking at the group around the table. 

          "They're Collei's notes…From when she was in the hospital." Klee popped her head around her brother, apparently about to investigate, but Albedo swiftly scooped the girl up into his arms. The child, still half asleep, didn't seem to mind that she was stopped from her investigation, eyes half between curiosity and getting more rest. 

           "I see…Tighnari, do you need help with that?" Tighnari shook his head, pushing the envelope containing the photo negatives. 

           "No, but we need these developed. They're from Dottores kamera." Albedo set Klee down on the couch, the girl swaying a bit on the plush pillows while he flicked through the stack of negatives, finally nodding. 

         “We can do that, certainly. I can have the Traveler run to town and get these developed while Sucrose and I work with Collei here. We were discussing it, and we believe we have an idea for a potion that may help increase Collei’s appetite. She needs help with her elemental power, and mental health still, but we need to stabilize her physical body first. 

          Well, Tighnari couldn’t argue with that logic. He set down his papers, looking over at Collei. Klee entered the room and Tighnari hastily flipped the papers over, making sure that the contents were hidden from the child. Klee looked around at the grim faces, and finally went to her brother, hugging his leg. A softly whispered exchange and Albedo picked her up, placing a comforting kiss on the child's forehead before setting her on his hip. 

          “Traveler, can you take Klee back to town? I think this might be a bit too much for her.” More soft words of encouragement and comfort, and the Traveler was holding Klee, the folder of negatives under their arm. 

           “Alright, say bye Klee.” The Traveler encouraged as the child waved behind them to everyone.

           “Klee thinks Collei should keep my rabbit for now. She needs it more than I do.” The child spoke with strange wisdom, waving to Collei as the Traveler patted her back. 

          “Are you sure Klee? We might be here for a while.” Tighnari forced his words to be soft, and empathetic. Why was he feeling so monotone now, of all days? A part of his brain answered him, that he was forming a shield, to try and stop the attack on his brain brought about by the raw emotions. He couldn’t face another day like yesterday, he just couldn’t. As far as he knew panic attacks never killed anyone, but that wasn’t much comfort when you were in the midst of one yourself. 

          “Klee is sure!” The child hummed, lifting up her arms, the Traveler obliging and placing the girl closer on their hip, adjusting her so she could see behind their back as they began to walk towards the door. 

          “Bye big brother Albedo, bye Mr. Cyno, bye Mr. Cyno’s husband, bye Collei, bye Ms. Sucrose!” With one last ecstatic wave, the girl left, and the room was quiet once again. A dull sensation of loss began to fill Tighnari. With Klee gone, so too was their excuse to walk on eggshells around the issue.

            Everyone else seemed happy to do that, while it irritated Tighnari to no end. 

            No one wanted to talk about the real problem here. Even his own mind wanted to evade the truth. Tighnari shook his head, flipping the stacks of notes back over, gazing down at the dark ink. 

              “....Back to work.” 

                                                                                                *****

           The morning passed by in a thick haze, and Tighnari did his best to ignore the way his hand shook while taking notes. How Collei sat next to him at the table, not even looking at the notes, as if she knew she didn’t want to see what they contained, or didn't care to see. 

           For the best really. 

          He very much ignored the way that the Alchemist and his assistant were scheming, mixing up different elixirs and concoctions, talking among themselves in words his brain knew. Still, he didn’t have the energy to process it. 

          All the while, his husband sat with them, talking to them, discussing Collei’s treatment and plans. 

          Yes, they would be willing to test her elemental power once she was better. 

          When would that happen, huh?

           No, Cyno didn’t think she had eaten any breakfast yet. 

           Of course, she hadn’t, when was the last time she ate without having one of them breathing over her shoulder?

           Collei didn’t have any allergies, not that they were aware of at least. 

          What did it matter, just one more disaster for the pile. 

         Tighnari held his head, his eyes stinging, burning. He….He had been reading these notes for too long now, his eyes were hurting, his mind was tired, and it wasn’t doing his psyche any favors, of that he was certain. It was just about the only thing he was certain of anymore. 

         Tighnari slid the papers back into their folder, securing it with the leather cord, to ensure no papers fell out. 

          By this point, the lab was starting to smell more and more like a greenhouse, with herbs that he recognized being mixed with more unconventional ingredients. Dandelion, yarrow, ginseng, and lemon balm made their way into a pot with slime condensation, whopper flower nectar, and some form of white powder. 

           Probably best to not ask questions for now, he didn’t think his brain could absorb any more information. As it felt, it felt like a cooked egg on toast. Tighnari leaned back in his chair, glancing over to Collei, who had…She hadn’t moved this entire time, had she? How did he not notice that she was catatonic for this entire morning? 

           Tighnari glanced at the clock, frowning as he saw the two hands marking the time, it was nearly noon and Collei had not moved in well over two hours. It was always unnerving, but seeing what was within these notes?

           Tighnari swallowed against a throat that was suddenly too dry. 

            Images flashed in his mind. Punishment against Collei for crying, for moving during treatment, all of that was outlined like some sort of sick guidebook within the mad doctor's notes. 

             No, that wasn’t quite right, now was it? Dottore had strict, methodical research. He kept precise notes, and diligent records, every move, every action was purposeful and planned. He wasn’t insane, not in the clinical sense. 

           Somehow, the thought that a man would choose to do this to his daughter, not out of some grand delusion, but instead because he wanted power, wanted to further his career, and saw Collei as a means to that end? 

           That was far more frightening than the idea that Dottore was simply insane. 

          Tighnari jumped as a hand placed itself on his shoulder, he turned to see Cyno, looking at him with worry in those purple eyes. He needed to save that concern for Collei, she hadn’t moved in over an hour, how was he the only one concerned with the fact that she was practically catatonic? 

           Tighnari noted that his skin hurt to be in. 

            “Mora for your thoughts?” Cyno’s gentle tone washed over him, soothing a few of his frayed nerves, not nearly enough to stop the fire that was forming, but the effort was appreciated. 

            “I think I need a break from these notes. Collei needs to move, she has been…Doing it again…By it, I mean nothing.” Tighnari rubbed at his temples, staring at the table as he leaned on it for support. Beside him, Cyno knelt before Collei, taking her hands. Gentle words coaxed her out of the chair, and she walked, shakily, towards the entrance of the lab, and back. Back and forth they walked, Cyno helping Collei stay on her own two feet. 

            Archons , was it only a few months ago that she was racing through the forest, joining the hunt on the days that her Elezar was subdued? Climbing cliff faces unassisted in just a dozen or so seconds? 

            They had to remind her to take it easy back then, to slow down and take breaks. Now his husband was walking with Collei, barely ten feet back and forth, and it was tedious work. Shaking limbs, one in front of the other, like a child learning how to walk. Eyes looking in the wrong place, feet turned in the wrong direction, knees locked solid, legs creaking in distress. 

            Tighnari would have cried if the scene wasn’t so familiar. 

            A tightening of his chest that he ignored, his dry throat, his aching heart. These he pushed away and joined the alchemist and his assistant, who were now pouring a thick green liquid into bottles, holding it up to the light.

           “What are you two working on?” He tried to keep a leisurely tone, but they must have caught onto the tension he felt, Sucrose speaking in a quiet and controlled tone, as if afraid he would pass out once again. 

          “This is an appetite stimulant, we are hoping that with this, Collei will be able to eat again, and will regain some of her strength. Once she is…Not so unstable, we can perform other tests on her elemental powers, to see if that is a possible cause for her current state. 

           Tighnari was really tired of hearing theories that only blocked the truth. So, he focused on the vial in the woman's hand instead. 

          “Have you ever made something like this before? Is it safe?” A pause and Tighnari could feel frustration growing once again, they were going to use something new, that hadn’t even been tested yet? 

           The logical side of his brain shouted that this was normal, of course, they were trying to experiment, to find the best remedy for Collei. They were just trying to help. So why did he feel so utterly on edge? 

           Maybe because your life has been falling apart for the past few months, dumbass. Whispered a voice in his mind that sounded far too similar to his own. Who?

           A hand that should have been comforting placed itself on his shoulder, it seemed that Collei was already winded. 

           “Tigh, it’s okay, I’ve already agreed to test it first. Collei won’t have to try it without us knowing that it is safe.” Cyno offered, assuming that he was nervous about the elixir. Which, no doubt, that was part of it, but perhaps the notes were bothering him more than he originally thought they would. 

            “That's….I, Cyno, it's an experimental drug, just because it works for you does not at all mean it will work for Collei!" Tighnari could feel the stress building within, and no amount of deep breathing was going to help what he had brewing in his mind. His voice was too loud, climbing at the end of the sentence. Collei snapped her head towards him.

            Horrible images of potions, syringes, drugs, and experimental surgery after experimental surgery. He shook these thoughts away, staring at Albedo and Sucrose. 

            "There has to be something that has already been tried and tested! I mean, how can you expect us to be okay with this?!" Tighnari calmed his voice, even as it did nothing to calm the growing anxiety within his chest. 

          "Sorry, it's just…As I am sure you can understand, I'm a bit hesitant about this." Thankfully, the Alchemist and his assistant didn't seem too horribly offended and even went so far as to wave off his apology. 

          "We understand, it's a scary thing." Sucrose began, Albedo following up behind her. 

            "It is simply what we think is the best option for your daughter right now, if we didn't think it was worth the risk then we wouldn't even consider it as an option." There was some truth to that, and so Tighnari sat down, finding that Collei had taken back her normal spot on the couch, unmoving. 

             Every time she was still like this he found himself counting her breaths, just to be sure. 

            A medicine to help Collei's appetite? Tighnari gripped his knees, feeling the bustle of the lab fade away around him, as he stared into the sparking fire. 

             It was a bandaid on the situation, and that was all. No one was listening, no one seemed to care about the truth . The real reason they were having so many problems getting Collei to eat, interact with others, speak, and engage with the world in any meaningful way. 

            The truth made him sick, and he could feel the cold around him, despite the fire in front of his legs. 

            "Tigh? Everything okay?" His husband's worried voice barely reached him, and Tighnari felt his carefully controlled lid finally come undone. 

            "No, no , nothing is okay Cyno." Tighnari shook his head, looking up at Cyno, hands shaking as he held his head in his hands. 

            "Of course nothing is okay Cyno. We are all ignoring the real issue here." Tighnari felt his breath quicken as he struggled to explain himself.

            "The surgeries, the medicine, being trapped in that hell . Cyno, they broke her!" Tighnari felt tears rolling down his cheeks, shaking Cyno's hands off of his shoulders. 

             "Tighnari, calm down, listen to me-" 

           "NO, you listen to me!" The air was still now, Tighnari never raised his voice at the ones he loved. Until now. 

          "They broke Collei.  The reason why she doesn't eat? Doesn't interact?" Tighnari looked at his girl, the one who had come to their little village so scared, so distrustful. Slowly, she had grown into a teenager.

            Now? 

            The Fatui had taken everything away from them. All of them. 

           "She doesn't want to Cyno. She doesn't want to live anymore!" The stress finally broke him, and Tighnari felt himself bend over, shuddering sobs coursing through his body. 

           "She doesn't want to LIVE, she is trying to kill herself, and, and, NOTHING! Nothing we do is convincing her to want to live! She is starving herself to death on purpose , and that night with the mirror?! We both know that wasn't an accident! She was going to kill herself until we found her!" Tighnari felt gentle hands enveloping him, speaking soft words of comfort. They didn't help, but Cyno was trying. 

           Archons, Cyno was trying so hard, wasn't he? For both of them. All of them. 

            "We aren't giving up Tigh. I am not giving up on Collei. And don't you dare give up either." Cyno pulled him into a tight hug, pressing Tighnari's tear-streaked face into his neck. Tighnari slumped against this support, teeth gritting as he tried to calm his breathing. 

            “Cyno we’ve been trying so hard, nothing is working. Nothing is making her want to stay. She just wants to die and I don’t know what else to do .”  Tighnari wept, Cyno holding him up. Gentle words barely reached his ears. 

             “We are not giving up Tighnari, come on now. Deep breaths.” He tried, he really did, but the anxiety, the stress, the sorrow. Archons , how was it possible to miss someone so much, when she was sitting right beside you, watching you cry with blank eyes? Tighnari gently detached from Cyno, kneeling in front of Collei and taking her hands, gently squeezing her palm to get her attention. 

           “What can we do Collei? You know you mean the world to us, we love you so much, we just want to see you-” See her what?

            Be happy? Healthy? Back to normal?

           All of those goals seemed as hard of a goal to achieve as climbing Dragonspine. 

          Then again, they had a rope. 

          “You have so much life ahead of you Collei. I want to see you thrive. I want to see you go the Akademyia and earn a degree. I want to see you continue your studies with the Forest Watchers, I want to see you take my place when the time comes if that is what you want.” Tighnari let out a bitter chuckle, wiping his tears. 

           “Or maybe you’ll follow in your father's footsteps, be a part of government work. Maybe something else entirely, I don’t care. I just.” Tighnari bit back a sob. 

           “I just want to see you grow up into a young woman, in charge of your own future.” Tighnari closed his eyes, his hands holding onto hers like a life preserver. Tighnari almost wept when those hands slid away, only to then hear a creak from the chair. Tighnari opened his eyes just as Collei was kneeling before him, thin arms wrapping around his neck stiffly, uncertain. 

            But they wrapped around him all the same. 

          “I’m sorry dad.”

           Tighnari wept at those three small words, so quiet that nobody else heard. 

           So short, and yet they had sent relief, despair, joy, hope, and sorrow, all through his heart. Tighnari held his girl tight, hand gently carding through her hair. 

           “I know Collei. I know. We love you.” Tighnari held her, not wanting to let go, to even breathe. Saying his worst fears out loud was cathartic in a way. The worst was said, what more could be done to hurt him? 

            Tighnari leaned back, wiping his eyes, trying to regain his composure. His lips wobbled, but he pressed them into a thin smile. He stood, helping to ease Collei back into her seat. Tighnari sat down, and glanced at the others, suddenly aware of the eyes on him. 

            “I…Apologize for my outburst.” Sucrose was the first to respond, waving her hands in front of her. 

            “No, don’t apologize! I can’t imagine how stressed you all have been! Please, don’t be scared to let it out, we want to help!” Sucrose seemed like the type to be a good listener, so Tighnari didn’t try to argue with her compassion. 

            “Thank you.” Tighnari took a deep calming breath, looking up at the two scientists, deciding that for the moment he would prefer to pretend that outburst hadn’t just happened.

            “So, this potion. When will it be ready?”

          Albedo, who was quiet during his emotional outburst, seemed relieved to have action and science once again as his guide. His awkwardness was not one from apathy, that much Tighnari understood.

          “It’s ready now, for us to try.” He began to portion out some of the liquid into small cups, offering one to Cyno, Sucrose, and Tighnari. Finally, he took one for himself, glancing over at Collei. 

          “Don’t worry, even if this does not work, we will keep trying. I promise.” Without further ado, he tipped his cup back,  Tighnari and Cyno copying. The mixture was sweet and spicy, but the texture was thick, like cough syrup. Still, overall it wasn’t terrible. Once they had all consumed the liquid Albedo and Sucrose pulled out their notepads, jotting down notes. It wasn’t even thirty minutes later that Tighnari felt its effects. No pain, no pressure, no adverse symptoms that he knew of. Simple hunger was all he felt. 

            Archons, it worked. 

           It really, truly, worked. 

           Tighnari could eat two pita pockets, and perhaps even grilled mushroom skewers, he glanced over at Albedo, relief in his voice as he spoke. 

           It seemed that luck was finally on their side. 

          “It works. My appetite is certainly increased.” Beside him, Cyno nodded in the affirmative, Albedo hastily jotting down notes. 

          “Wonderful, any side effects? Dizziness, headache, dry mouth, tingling-” Tighnari stopped him while he was ahead, he could pretty much guess what symptoms the man would be looking for with this new drug. 

           “No, none of that. No shortness of breath, nausea, or swelling either.” Albedo hummed, a smile on his face. A true scientist at work, he seemed to take a simple joy in the fact that this potion was working so well. 

          “Excellent.” Beside him Cyno cleared his throat, ready to put in his own two mora. 

          “It’s working, that much I can tell you. I hate to be a bad guest, but perhaps we could break for lunch?” A strange expression came across Albedo’s face, finally letting air out through his teeth.

         “About that…I believe we used the last of our supplies for last night's soup.” 

          Oh. 

          Silence in the room now, until finally Sucrose offered up a suggestion. 

          “Perhaps we could go down to Good Hunter? We have a tertiary lab within the knight's headquarters, and I can’t imagine this cold air is doing Collei any favors. We can have a meal and finish the potion there.” 

          Well, it wasn’t like they had much of a choice, still, he didn’t want to be rude. Or hangry. Although, he didn’t think he even had the energy for anger right now. After the purge of emotions from earlier he felt lighter, not exactly hollow, not exactly content. Just. Lighter. 

         “That sounds like a good plan to me, Collei is always talking about the food from Good Hunter.” Another trip down a freezing mountain did not sound appealing in the least, but neither did sitting here letting hunger consume him. So, Tighnari would brave the cold. 

            Begrudgingly. 

            Working against the sudden hunger, Tighnari began to gather the quilts they had ascended the mountain with, making sure that they were layered for optimal warmth. Tighnari turned to their scientist companions, noticing a rather significant problem. There was no way for Sucrose to make it down the mountain, even with the aid of that strange invention. Albedo spoke up, “Unfortunately, Sucrose’s Mobility Scooter is ill-equipped to deal with the terrain and climate of Dragonspine. Its batteries will freeze solid and it will become useless.” As suspected. No, this was going to be more difficult than he wanted to admit. Cyno, it seemed, had the same idea, his backpack was already slung over his shoulders, but he offered out an arm to the young scientist. 

           Tighnari loved his husband. He loved his helpfulness. He was not always so fond of his oblivious nature. Tighnari knew it was just that; Cyno simply thought he was helping.

          “Here, would you like some help getting down the mountain?” Cyno seemed to faintly notice the sharp glare sent his way by the young alchemist, Albedo's hands tightening around his own backpack. Seemed he would have to step in before Romeo accidentally killed a Montegue in a duel. 

          “Actually, Cyno dear, can you carry Collei? You’re the stronger one, and we need to make it down the mountain quickly.” Cyno tried to rebuke him, but Tighnari shifted Collei into his arms before he could open his mouth again. Tighnari patted his back, glancing back at the alchemist who seemed a mixture of embarrassed and relieved, Sucrose for her part had turned a bright shade of red. 

           Somehow the simple drama made him wistful. He firmly wished the worst thing he had to worry about was someone trying to woo his husband away from him. 

           Not that Cyno would ever notice.

           “Ahem, well in that vein of thought, perhaps I should assist you down the mountain Sucrose?” Albedo offered, his arms gestured like a serene prince about to whisk Sucrose into a waltz. The woman nodded and allowed herself to be placed into his arms with surprising ease. 

            Seemed this was not entirely foreign to the young couple. 

           Everyone settled, they made the long journey back down the mountain, doing their best to avoid monster encampments, or worse, Fatui soldiers. Blessedly, the archons seemed to smile upon them as they made it back to the city center with minimal issues. The small group made it to the laboratory of the Knights of Favonious, Sucrose being settled down into a small wheelchair, mobile enough to make it around the tight corners of the laboratory. 

          Collei was settled in a nearby bed, Cyno went out to Good Hunter for pickup, and finally, the moment had arrived. 

          It was all he could do to keep his nerves in check as Tighnari watched the same ingredients being placed into the large copper cauldron, stirred the same way it had been on Dragonspine, it gave off the same scent as the former potion. 

          But would it work in the same way? 

                                                                                       *****

            Once again, the decorative cards had shown themselves and their notation. Earlier in the bleak of the morning, Janus peered across the room to their chock-full bag of belongings and saw the pack somehow removed from the bag, gently opened, and two of its cards displaced. 

            They nearly jumped when the two in question were, at that time, simultaneously right below them and firmly asleep across the room from them. 

             THE DEVIL

             THE HERMIT

             Janus quickly hid the cards back into the baggy pajamas they seemed to still be in. The deck would not reveal anything more if it was separated from any of its cards. 

           A blur of hours, a few shouts, intense stares. Pretending to be asleep seemed to be the correct path to avoid getting wrapped up in any of that for now. 

           Die a short death.

                                                                                                                        ********

           Janus was not sure what to think at the moment. They knew their vessel was malnourished, even if they did not have a firm grasp on human bodies and their functions, Janus knew when one was failing. 

            Collei’s body was failing. They felt it in the way their bones ached with each step, the way their skin felt dry, their hair brittle, their nails chipped and cracking. Something needed to happen, but they assumed they had time. 

            Only, in their lax approach to Collei’s body, they seemed to have forgotten something vital, something critical and all-encompassing. 

            How much love the two men seemed to hold for their daughter, back from the dead. 

            Tighnari seemed certain “Collei” was trying to rejoin the dead, and they had no intention of this, but…

           But they weren’t helping things, now were they? 

           No, Janus had become too relaxed, too laissez-faire. They assumed if they ignored their problems, they would disappear. 

           Much like a certain teenager, Janus knew all too well. 

           Now, they could either cooperate with the fathers, allow them to help, or continue to plot their own plan, their own scheme. Would they even live long enough to see their plan come to fruition? 

           Janus looked down at their form, wincing at the way Collei’s skin stretched thinly over bone and muscle, the way their hair hung limp and lifeless, the way her body could be easily carried and shuffled about like a sack of coffee beans. 

           Janus would not die like this. Janus would not allow Collei to die like this. 

           As much as they hated to admit it, that little kit was their form, they were linked together, and Janus…

            Janus didn’t want to see her leave. 

            Who even were they anymore? 

            They were the ancient being of lies itself, deception, and trickery, they were born to survive with their wits alone, everyone else be damned. 

            Now they found themselves saving the lives of village boys, smiling genuinely at the cherub-like children of Mondstat, and caring if the father's feelings were hurt. The sentiments of attachment had now firmly ensnared them. 

             Janus settled deeper into the blanket nest around them, allowing the warmth and soft feeling of wool and cotton to envelop them. So different from the realm they were trapped in before, one they would never return to. In that realm, no amount of blankets can ever make you feel warm. Janus had at least given Collei a beautiful dream, while they had had nothing . 

              Nothing at all, and to nothing they would return if this body failed. 

             “Collei dear?” Janus looked up at the familiar name, seeing Cyno kneeling before them, a hand outstretched to Collei’s smaller hand. They allowed Cyno to pull them up into a sitting position on the bed, Cyno sitting on one side, and Tighnari on the other. 

             “Here, take this.” Tighnari pressed a small cup into their hand, which they examined for but a moment before taking slow and cautious sips. The fathers seemed to hang onto every sip, watching as their dear daughter finished the medicine upon which they had rested all their hope upon. 

              “There, good job Collei.” Cyno took the now empty glass, and they waited. The liquid had not burned going down their throat like the others had, and soon a strange sensation overcame their stomach. All at once, they were far too aware of how empty it was. And that emptiness hurt , archons why did it hurt? Janus looked up at the two men, lips parting to whisper just a few words. 

              “I think…I’m hungry.” Humans were so strange, prone to such random outbursts of emotions, as Tighnari hugged Collei’s form to him, the man close to tears. Janus began to recall this type of sentiment from people. What was it, again?

             “Collei, will you eat?” Janus nodded, and now they were almost certain they heard Tighnari choke back a sob. 

            “Good….Good.” Cyno offered, before opening a ready bowl and offering it to them. Inside was simple toast with some plain fish upon it, no heavy sauces, nothing that might cause any distress. 

              They hoped. 

             Janus took one cautious bite, and then another, eyes widening as for the first time in a millennia, they could taste their food. And that food was divine . 

             They began to try and hurriedly shove the food down their mouth but were stopped by gentle and warm hands. 

              The sheeplike alchemist, what was her name again? Ah, yes, it was Sucrose. She had wheeled over in the chaos of consumption unnoticed.  

               A peculiar human, to be sure. If one could call the scientist a human in the first place. 

           “Hold on Collei, I know you’re hungry, but you need to eat slowly! We can’t give you too much at first either, alright? It could shock your body to have so much food so suddenly, so we will take this slow.” Satisfied that they wouldn’t gobble down an entire table's worth of the toast, Sucrose released their hands and allowed them to finish their first plate of Fisherman's toast. 

            After just one plate of the toast, their stomach felt stretched and full, but thankfully the pain of hunger had eased. Cyno offered a mug of tea, which they took gratefully and began to sip cautiously. They could feel the heat and the flavor of the sweet flower and mint. 

             “Mint is supposed to help with digestion, we don’t want you getting sick.” Cyno offered, and Janus nodded in turn. 

            Tighnari looked immensely relieved, the man seems to have recovered from his outburst not even two hours earlier. Janus looked down at their plate once again and prepared their words carefully. 

            “Can I have some more?”

                                                                                                                                 ******

          Kaeya tapped his fingers on his desk, faintly mimicking a tune he thought he had heard on a recent trip to Sumeru, but he couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t sure of a lot of things at the moment. Collei was back, but she was not the same child that had left all those years ago. No, this was something he couldn’t explain, and not knowing what was bothering him was the most frustrating part of all. 

          He ran his hands through his hair, head suddenly turning at the sound of someone knocking on the door. A short tap, followed by three fast ones. Kaeya allowed a smile to run across his face as he recognized that all-so-familiar knock. Their secret code, the person in question had insisted. 

            Remembering this, he forced his smile to fade into something appropriately serious as Klee pushed open the heavy oak door, peeking her head out both ways before allowing it to shut behind her. The knock meant she had something serious to tell him, a way for him to know she was not simply asking to come outside and play. 

             Kaeya walked around the desk and crouched down, his head tilted to his shoulder as he tried to ease his little spark's worries.

             “Hello Klee, what seems to be the problem?” The girl shrugged, and Kaeya pulled out a chair for her, allowing the girl to climb into it unassisted, he pulled another one in front of her and waited for her to gather her thoughts or her courage, whichever one was causing her current silence. Klee fiddled with the straps on her backpack before finally looking up at him, her voice strangely quiet for such an energetic girl. 

           “Klee doesn’t understand what is going on with Collei.” Kaeya sighed, trying to figure out the most child-friendly way to explain depression, anorexia, and somehow even worse topics to a child.

           “That’s alright Klee, not many people would understand what is going on with Collei. Its…Well, sometimes people get very sad…” 

            Great. He was doing such a great job so far. 

           “No, no not that!” Klee suddenly exclaimed, waving her hands and stopping him in his tracks. If she wasn’t confused about that, then what was she confused about? 

           “ Oh , I see. Well, Collei has two dads, and that's perfectly normal-” 

             Once again Klee stopped him in his tracks, cutting him off with another shake of her head. 

          “No, Klee is a big girl and I know about that! I just mean, she doesn’t seem like the same Collei that Amber always talked about.” A sense of surprise washed over him, as well as grim recognition at the realization that his instincts were not wrong. True, people could change, but his gut, and his stinging eye, seemed to hint at something sinister at work. 

           Tighnari and Cyno were too close to see it, but Kaeya always trusted his gut, and his gut was telling him that there was more to this than appeared at base level. 

           “Oh? How so Klee?” He waited patiently for Klee to once again gather her thoughts, in the meantime patting his pocket quietly to make sure the candy he always kept on hand was still there.

            “It’s just.” Klee kicked her legs in concentration, and for a moment Kaeya thought he might have to bring out the candy. Perhaps a little underhanded, but he was pretty sure sugar helped children focus. 

             Or something like that. 

            “Hmm.” Klees' voice disagreed with her mind. She was stuck in either indecision or confusion. Kaeya knew to give her time; Klee always tries her best to explain what she is thinking, even if it takes a while. He patiently waited, and softened his face to ease any doubts he might be pressuring her into giving an incomplete answer.

            “Klee doesn’t know how to explain it! But Collei doesn’t act like she’s sad, she just seems….Confused.” Interesting way to put it, but he let her elaborate. 

            “She acts like she doesn’t know what is happening.” Kaeya hummed in agreement, but it seemed that was the end of the girl's observations. Kaeya rewarded this observation from his right-hand knight with a few pieces of lemon drops, which Klee happily snatched from his offered palm. 

             “Klee, this is very important.” The girl looked up at him, about to shove all four pieces into her mouth at the same time like a hamster. 

            “I…Okay, first only one piece at a time. Second, if you see anything else that worried you about Collei, can you tell me? I want to make sure she gets good help.” He hated telling half-truths to a child, especially his own little Spark Knight, but her intel had just confirmed the worry he had at the back of his mind ever since spying the trio in the market. 

             An itch on Kaeya’s nose refocused him to the present.

             Just who was walking amongst them?

            Something told him the answer was not a depressed teenage girl. 

Chapter Text

             Cyno had the strongest sense of deja-vous as bright red eyes sparkled as they stared mischievously into his own. 

             “.....Hi.” 

             “Hello.” Klee whispered, as if worried about being caught once again waking him up at the crack of dawn. No, not even, it was far too dark outside to be anywhere close to morning. 

             “You’re back!” She whispered, bringing a finger to her own lips as if to remind herself of her need for stealth and secrecy. 

             Maybe Cyno wasn’t all that upset about adopting Collei when she was past this stage of youth after all. Still, Cyno did his best to wipe the frustration and exhaustion off of his face as he sat up, careful to not disturb Tighnari beside him. Noting that his tail was dangerously close to Klee’s candlestick, Cyno tucked his husband's recently groomed, and thus filled with flammable oils, tail back onto the bed, Klee and him both holding their breath as Tighnari groaned, but then slowly eased back into sleep. 

             Cyno let out a sigh of relief before looking back at Klee. 

             “You need to be careful, my husband has not been  sleeping well lately.” For a moment Klee clutched at the blanket, guilt evident in her eyes. 

             “Sorry, Mr. Cyno…But, it’s Collei-” 

             Cyno sat up all the way, quickly sliding out of bed, feet hitting the ground silently. Cyno quickly ushered the child out of the room, once safely out of his sleeping husband’s ear range, he asked the child to clarify. 

             “What’s wrong, is she okay?”

             “Yes, Klee thinks so, but she’s…Acting weird.” Cyno waited for an elaboration that never came and decided instead to just go see what was going on with his own two eyes. 

             “Lead the way, Klee.” Klee began to creep down the stairs, Cyno having to contain himself from telling her to walk faster. Then again, if it was a real emergency, surely she would have a bit more urgency?

             He hoped. 

             Klee continued to creep down the hallway, leading the way to the kitchen, at the door she turned to him, holding a finger to her lips before trying to push it open, grunting at the effort. Cyno moved beside her, gently tapping her aside before opening the door, and he could honestly say that he was not prepared for the sight that greeted them. 

             Inside, eating without abandon, was Collei. She was sitting on the ground in front of a cryo-infused ice box, hands full of food, at the sudden intrusion, she whipped her head to the door, staring at Cyno, frozen with her hand half stuck into a canister of, was that just raw fish ? A few seconds passed by, Klee finally interrupting the silent standoff. 

             “Sorry Mr. Cyno, Collei said she was hungry when Klee was up, so Klee took her into the kitchen...But she kept eating!” Klee gestured to the mess surrounding his teenage girl, huffing a bit as she went to Collei’s side. 

             “She ate all the food, and keeps eating stuff big brother said needs to be cooked first!” As if sharing a deadly secret, Klee dropped her voice down to a whisper. 

             “She even ate a raw radish…Yuck.” Klee made a face as Cyno knelt before Collei, trying to figure out how to even feel about all of this. Instant relief at the fact that she was eating at all, but then trepidation kicked in as he remembered what Sucrose had said about refeeding syndrome. He would also probably have to help restock the kitchen at this rate. 

             “Hey sprout. If you were hungry, you could have woken us up. I would not have minded to cook food for you.” Cyno tilted his head to his shoulder, long white curls untamed from being woken in the middle of the night. Cyno hummed gently, wiping some oil off of Collei’s cheek. Collei regarded him with watchful eyes, not entirely alive, but nowhere near the dead eyes, he had grown so used to as of late. 

             “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. You’re going to be sick at this rate.” Cyno offered his hands, and almost reluctantly, Collei placed the canister of fish in his hands, which he handed off to Klee, the little girl eager to help and so she set to placing what was left of the food back in its rightful place. 

             Cyno gently helped Collei stand up, as she shifted into a standing position Collei held a hand over her mouth, groaning at the sudden wave of nausea he knew had just been waiting around the corner. 

             “And that was what I was afraid of, sprout. Here, dad’s got you.” Cyno shifted, easily picking Collei up, sighing at how light she felt. Because of course, she hadn’t gained any weight yet, it would take weeks, months even for her to be back to her normal weight, much less to get to a healthy weight for her age. 

             Collei grunted softly at the movement, apparently spending all of her energy focusing on not puking up the unholy mixture of leftover fisherman's toast, radishes, and whatever else she had ingested. 

             Klee walked alongside them, watching as Collei was carried up the stairs and back to her own room, all the while the girl seemed to be in deep contemplation. 

             "Mr. Cyno?" 

             "Yes, Klee?" Cyno opened the door to Collei's room, setting her down on the bed, gently helping her tuck her legs under the soft woolen blanket. 

             "Amber is like my big sister, and Collei is her friend, so she is my big sister too. Cause family can be who you choose, that's what big brother Kaeya says….So then that means…" Klee hummed in thought, counting on her fingers until she seemed to stumble upon the answer. 

             "Ah! Klee thinks that means you and Mr. Tighnari are my uncles now, so can Klee call you Uncle Cyno?" Bright red eyes full of hope and joy stared into his soul, if he wasn't mistaken Collei was giving him a look of "What is this girl going on about?" 

             "I…Sure Klee, if that makes you happy then you may call me Uncle." Honestly, it felt familiar, Cyno remembered his life in the desert, a close-knit community where everyone was family. It was, of course, unfamiliar, even foreign to him at that time, but he softened up to the idea of company. When they made Ghandara village their home they had that same closeness. It felt nice to have that same familiarity in this new country. 

             Cyno finished tucking Collei into bed, turning to Klee, hand on her back to gently coax her towards the door. 

             "Isn't it time for you to be going to sleep?" Klee sighed, seemingly having hoped he would somehow forget it was two in the morning. 

             "Adults get to stay up, and Klee is a big girl, so why can't she-" 

             "Because if you stay up the Jinn will get you." Cyno interjected, perhaps it was a bit underhanded to trick the girl into sleeping, but he was way too tired to argue about bedtimes. 

             "What's a Jinn?" Oh, he didn't think this through, now did he? 

             "It's a demon that lives inside of a bottle, it'll grant you wishes but at a horrible cost." Cyno opened the door he assumed belonged to Klee, and when he stepped on a rogue toy he knew he was correct. Cyno kept his hand on Klee's back, subtly forcing her to bed, the little girl sliding under the covers, turning to face Cyno. 

             "Why does it live inside a bottle? I feel kind of bad for it, being stuck in an empty bottle….Wouldn't they get lonely?" He could just leave, could just tell her to go to sleep and he would tell her later, but then the curiosity in her young eyes reminded him of Collei when life was good and she was so interested in the forest and the world around them.

             Cyno pulled up a seat next to the girl's bed, Klee's smile widening as she snuggled down into the sheets, having realized this meant a second storytime. 

             "Because it was trapped in the bottle long ago for its misdeeds. But that is really not as interesting as what happens when you meet one." With a soft gasp from his captive audience, Klee had her blankets tucked up around her face, arms clutching onto a stuffed bunny. Slowly, Cyno launched into a fairy tale he remembered from his childhood. A story of a poor boy in the land of golden sand, a princess in disguise, and a Jinn in a bottle. By the time he was done telling of the poor boy's flight out of the cave of wonders, Klee was out like a light, soft snores against a stuffed bunny were the only sound the girl made as Cyno stood to leave. 

             "Goodnight Klee." No response bid him farewell, but that was fine by him. A sharp twinge of bittersweet longing had taken root in his chest, and as Cyno slid back into the bed with his husband, arms tucking around Tighnari comfortably, he did his best to ignore this creeping feeling. 

             It didn't work, but as he listened to the soft snores of his husband in his arms, he was able to forget it long enough to slip into a dream of sand and home. 

                                                                                                                         ******

             Home smelled like humid rain, the dwindling incense, Sumeru roses on the shelf in the window. Home did not smell like this, a cool breeze, crisp linen sheets, bacon cooking downstairs. Cyno groaned a bit, burying his face into Tighnari’s back when his husband tried to leave the bed. 

             “Cyno, wake up.” 

             “No.” He muttered stubbornly, it felt like he had just fallen back to sleep after the whole Klee incident. 

             “Well at least let go of me , I want to see-” Cyno tightened his grip around his husband's waist, slowly allowing the world to come into view. Within his grasp, Tighnari feigned annoyance, huffing as he gently hit Cyno’s hands. 

             “You’re insufferable, you know that?” Cyno smirked, Tighnari stiffening in his grasp as he realized his poor choice of words. 

             “No, I’m Cyno.” Another whack to his hand and Cyno finally released Tighnari, sitting up in the bed and watching as he milled around, gathering the various articles of clothing that made up his normal outfit. Tighnari took ages to dress in the morning, but then again, not everyone could pull off the shirtless look, especially in a land where the humidity was low, and thus even less of a reason to go shirtless. Still, much like his first time in Mondstat, he opted to wear his black cloak today, fingers running across a small seam that had been somewhat messily stitched up by Collei a few years back. 

             She had wanted to practice mending clothes, and this cloak had seen better days, so even if it didn’t work it wasn’t like it could get worse. Collei had surprised them both, she seemed to have a natural skill for learning how to sew, and despite her initial stitches being…. messy, they were workable. His cloak was still able to be worn today due to her efforts. 

             Cyno smoothed down his cloak, turning to Tighnari as his husband adjusted the pleats on his pants. 

             “Tighnari, don’t you think Collei needs some new clothes?” He was ashamed to say that the fact they had missed her sixteenth birthday was less of a pressing concern and more of a dull ache. He couldn’t even find the energy to be angry anymore, and he wanted to focus on the present, on the glimmer of hope that was just in front of them. 

             If only he could reach out and grasp it within his hands. 

             No, he would focus on that glimmer, and drag it down to earth. Or propel the planet to it. Something about levers and fulcrum placement that Faruzan keeps roaring about. 

             “New clothes? Well, that’s not a bad idea, past time for it really. It’ll be a long time before she is back to her normal weight.” Not to mention it would be good for them all to get outside, and explore the town a little. Collei needed clothes, and Cyno needed some fresh air. He was not at all used to this life of physical inactivity but high emotional stress. It made him feel off balance somehow, but he knew he would have Tighnari there to stabilize him. Together the two made their way down to the dining room, being greeted by Klee, Noelle, Jean, and Collei. It seemed she had learned from her mistake last night, and was now taking slow and cautious bites out of the simple breakfast offered by the teenage knight maid. 

             Toast, eggs, and fresh sunsettia fruit cut into cubes. Cyno gathered this along with some coffee, handing Tighnari the tea box so he could make his own selection for the day. Light hands viewed the selection, Tighnari opening jars and inspecting them before finally landing on one, the light smell of jasmine greeting them when he began to brew the tea. 

             Now, it was starting to smell like home. 

             "Uncle Cyno can you please pass the butter?" Without another thought Cyno passed the butter on down the line towards Klee, Tighnari pausing as he poured his tea into the mug. 

             " Uncle …I'm sorry did I miss something?" At the question, Klees's eyes lit up, and she began to explain her reasoning for the new nickname, Cyno just sat back and ate his toast. By the end, it was decided that Tighnari was also going to be officially enveloped into the fold of Klee's family, another Uncle to add to her growing list of family members by choice, not blood. 

             Just as he was helping Noelle gather the plates, a familiar face entered the dining room, swiping a piece of toast from the scattered remains of breakfast. Light fingers made quick work of the last pieces of bacon, and by the time the blue-haired Captain had made it to Klee, he was munching on a breakfast sandwich made from the scattered remains. Almost like a magpie. 

             "Time for school, Klee. Do you have your backpack?" Klee groaned, head jerking to Cyno for help, but he shook his head. Huffing a bit, the child turned to Tighnari next but was only greeted with an expectant stare. 

             "Awww….Klee wants to stay home today, I want to hang out with my new Uncles!" If Kaeya was confused by the sudden nicknames, he didn't show it. No, Cyno had a feeling everyone present was used to the girl's antics by now. 

             "They'll still be here when you get back, come on." With a heavily dramatic sigh, Klee detached herself from the breakfast table, sliding on her backpack. Various items within made a distinct clinking sound that echoed across the room. Glass on glass. 

             Better to not ask. 

             "Bye Uncle Cyno, bye Uncle Tighnari, bye Collei!" She glanced over at Noelle and Jean, merely waving to them before finally being led out by Kaeya, who kept a firm grip on the girl's hand. Probably to keep her from sneaking away and ditching school. 

             "Well, it's time for us to get going as well." Cyno stood from the table, going over to Collei, pleased beyond belief to see that she had eaten all of her breakfast, right down to the sunsettia fruit. 

             "Your dad and I have a surprise, Collei. Let's go out, yeah?" Purple eyes greeted him, and finally, a spark lit inside and Collei stood, wavering on her feet, but able to stand alone. 

             It was going to be okay. He had to believe that. 

                                                                                                                         ********

             Kaeya helped Klee adjust her backpack for the fifth time coming down the stairs, she really needed to learn how to not overpack for school days, but the girl insisted on bringing dodoco, her vision, homework, books, snacks, and extra clothes. She packed like she was going out for an expedition every time she left the building. Still, this was one of his favorite times of day, when he got to simply escort Klee back and forth from school, and thus keep abreast of her day and all the elementary school drama. 

             Mostly about stolen toys or pencils, but today, Kaeya was hoping for something a little different. 

             “So, Klee, how are things at headquarters? I know it must be strange living with new people all of a sudden, especially when they are going to be here for a while.” Kaeya knew she didn’t mind, she was already dubbing them her uncles as well, but he was more searching for some new intel. Everything in his gut was telling him there was something off about the trio, mostly Collei, but he really didn’t know how to place that feeling. All he knew was there was something not quite adding up about Collei. The way her speech seemed stilted, the movement of her body, the look in her eyes. The fact that even Klee had an off feeling about the girl. What all that meant, he had no idea, but his gut was hardly wrong. 

             Albedo would be working on investigating the girl more for her elemental powers, to try and see if they were tampered with by the Doctors' hands, and of course, he had heard from the Traveler about the infamous photos, which were in the process of being developed in Fontaine. All of this would hopefully lend itself to some answers, but he would use all the intel he could get, and Klee was a very honest source of intel. Not like she was physically capable of lying to begin with. 

             “It’s alright! Collei is still acting a little strange though.” Klee shrugged, almost losing the straps of her backpack but Kaeya moved faster, holding the bottom of her bag so she could get readjusted. 

             “Strange? How so?” For a moment Klee seemed rattled, and Kaeya felt a small twinge of shame at basically interrogating a child. Kaeya knelt down to his knee, looking Klee in the eyes as he held her hands. 

             “Hey, it’s okay. I just want to help Collei, alright?” It was the truth, and while he was willing to gather intel from the girl, he would never outright lie to her. 

             He just didn’t mention that by helping Collei, they may have to expose a hidden truth. 

             “It’s just, she doesn’t make sense.” Klee shook her head, lips pursed. 

             “Last night I had to get Uncle Cyno, 'cause Collei woke up hungry so I took her to get a snack!” Kaeya kept track of the roundabout story, used to the way Klee explained things by now.  

             “But when Klee turned around to help make snacks, Collei was eating everything ! Even radishes ! Raw! It was so gross!” Klee made a face at the statement as if the horror of eating a raw radish was unimaginable, but Kaeya had latched onto one part of her story that did not make sense. 

             Collei knew how to cook, they had learned this through her letters with Amber and Lisa, she was even bragging about it up until this horrible incident began. She was extremely proud of her ability to cook, as nobody is ever born good at cooking. So then why would she eat her food raw? Perhaps the potion Albedo made had caused severe hunger, but then-

             “And it gets worse!” Klee had dropped her voice, startling Kaeya out of his musings. 

             “Oh? How so Klee?” He dropped his voice in turn as well, apparently, Klee didn’t want anyone but him to hear what she was about to say. 

             “She even ate raw fish . You have to cook fish, even Klee knows that!” The girl sighed, digging her toe into the dirt, scuffing up her school shoes but Kaeya was too deep in thought to reprimand her. There was severe hunger, and then there was eating raw fish, even after eating raw vegetables and other food items. 

             No, that wasn’t right. Kaeya did not believe in coincidences so that only left one answer. 

             Collei didn’t know how to cook. Something happened to erase those memories from her mind. 

                                                                                                                                     ********

             Tighnari hummed in thought as he examined fabrics, the clothes of Mondstat were different from those at home, not just in style but also materials. The cooler climate warranted some wool and heavier fabrics, while at home linen and silks were the fabrics of choice. Regardless, they would be here for a while, so some Mondstat-style clothes made the most sense. 

             Tighnari thumbed through racks of premade clothes, frowning as the examined each one, on the other side of him Cyno seemed to be having the same problem. Everything looked to be too big for Collei at her current weight, but he would be damned if he went shopping in the children's section. Just when he was about to give up hope a familiar voice broke through the silence, energy a bit more subdued than he was expecting, but sincere nevertheless. 

             “Collei? Oh, and your fathers, hello!” Amber waved to them, a hesitant smile on her face. She didn’t seem sure how to react around her friend when she was in such a weakened state, but she was trying, and that counted more than she probably knew. 

             “May I join you guys?” Beside him Cyno nodded, holding up a linen shirt and then placing it back on the rack. 

             “Yes, of course. And if you could help us find some new clothes for Collei we would greatly appreciate that.” On his husband's side, Collei nodded meekly, fingers weakly thumbing through the articles of clothing, examining the feel of the fabrics. Amber went to her side, careful to not touch her, and she began to help Collei sort through the clothes. Amber spoke in gentle low tones, as if scared of running Collei off if she were to be her full energetic self. 

             “So, are you feeling better Collei?” Amber was granted a slight nod, but if this deterred the outrider, she didn’t show it. No, instead she seemed perfectly happy with the bare minimum response. 

             Just happy to have her friend by her side. 

             When they finally had a few garments selected they bundled Collei into the dressing room, the three of them waiting outside. Amber sat next to Tighnari, resting her chin on her hands which were propped up by her elbows on her knees. Amber leaned forward as she talked excitedly to Collei through the thick black velvet curtain. 

             “Tell me if you need help getting into anything! I know our fashion is a bit more form-fitting than Sumeru, so it may take some getting used to.” A quiet voice from within made Tighnari smile. His hand rested in Cyno’s, and he gently squeezed his husband's hand, one, then two pulses. 

             “Okay. Thanks.” Two words, but it was enough to make him feel content and at ease. These days, that was a record. They waited patiently, hearing some shuffling from within before a meek voice finally called out to them through the curtain. 

             “Amber?” The older girl stood, going to the curtain and peeking inside. 

             “Ouff, okay, let's…Collei that’s entirely backwards.” Amber entered the curtain, letting it fall behind her as she spoke in hushed tones to Collei. After a few minutes, Amber peeked her head out from behind the curtain, a genuine smile on her face as she drew open the curtain with a dramatic flair. Tighnari’s breath catches, and beside him, Cyno gripped his hand tighter, and he knew his husband was thinking the same thing. 

             In the form-fitting clothes, it was easier to see the weight loss, but Amber had selected clothes that seemed to have this factor in mind. A pale green shift so as to not wash out Collei’s pale skin, a forest green top, and a comfortable brown skirt. Hiking boots finished the look, and Amber adjusted the ribbons on the top, humming once she was fully satisfied. The outfit was completed with the addition of a ribbon in Collei’s hair, which was swept up into a bun so as to not make her look younger than she already seemed with the weight loss. 

             It wasn’t perfect, but if Tighnari let himself imagine, he could see the young woman Collei would become in a few year's time. Once she got healthy, once her trauma loosened its grip on her personality, once she began to talk more, once-

             One step at a time. He had to take things one step at a time. Tighnari breathed out, nodding to the two. 

             “It looks wonderful. Collei, do you like it?” In front of them, Collei examined herself in the mirror, pale hands gently thumbing the ribbon that kept up the bodice, after a while she finally nodded, voice barely audible. 

             “Yes. It’s nice.” They really were hitting a record today, it was nice to see her at least somewhat animated. The morning was calmer than they had experienced in a long time, and Tighnari for one, was going to revel in the peace. After purchasing that outfit, Amber took them to another shop for hair products, and when Collei became tired, they broke for lunch at Good Hunter. After the meal, a full plate of Mondstat fish skewers for Collei, it was decided they would return to the Knights's office. 

             “Thank you so much for showing us around Amber.” The young woman shook her head, her hand reached out to pull Collei into a hug but she stopped herself.

             “Of course. Collei is my dear friend, she’s like a little sister to me. Whatever it takes to get her better, let me know. I want to help.” Amber was a good friend to Collei, and still is a good friend.

             “Yes, thank you, maybe we can see you at dinner tonight?” Amber agreed, and they finally parted ways, once back inside the Knights building Collei went to her room. It made sense, this was more activity than she had experienced in a while. Best to let her rest. 

                                                                                                                                                 ********

             Janus sighed as they entered the room, shutting and locking the door behind them. The day had been exhausting, spending so much time with Collei’s fathers one on one was quite tiresome if they were honest. Still, it was evident that making more effort was the correct choice, as the fathers seemed much more relaxed around their “daughter.” Janus stopped as they caught a view of themselves in the mirror, eyebrow raised at the frilly garment. 

             They didn’t care what garments they wore, seeing as how being naked wasn’t an option for humans, for reasons still unknown, but the choice of green on green was more color than they were used to wearing. Still, it wasn’t horrible. 

             No, focus, they had a reading to perform. Too much seemed to be happening with no clear direction, no means to any ends. These past few days have been just living, and it was highly unusual., it was time to consult the cards once again. The process of obtaining a reading was very straightforward. Opening the card’s ornamental container, Janus closed their eyes. The cards would not draw correctly if you observed them before. 

             Pull two. A nervous hand was commanded forward. 

             Two cards were pulled from the pack. Eyes still shut, the cold breeze through the room seemed to be staring at them. Birds outside reacted to something. Bugs on the ground below shrieked. Grass, outside the city’s thick walls, murmured and shuffled amongst themselves. Cats and kittens moved swiftly. Rats scurried. The wood in the walls whispered with sweat and tears. Janus, was suddenly very far away, on a field of cecelia flowers where the wind seemed to know their name. 

             How did the wind know their name? 

             This was not how the reading was supposed to go, and the loss of control was aggravating. Janus opened their eyes, looking at their hand they could see…Well, their hand, Collei’s body more of a translucent film around their form. It made them feel vulnerable and exposed. 

             Janus frowned, peering around the field, they were alone, but not for long.  Behind them they could hear the stringing of a Lyre, and when Janus turned they could easily see the source of the music, a figure they faintly remembered from centuries ago. 

             The young wind spirit turned pawn of Celestia. They went by Venti now, but Janus knew him when he was simply Barbatos. 

             Janus approached, the grass which was far too soft seemed to be almost warm, but not quite. 

             “Barbatos? To what do I owe the….Pleasure?” At their obvious distaste at being interrupted, the bard did nothing more than smile, white wings gently grazing the grass as he gazed past Janus, out to the night sky. 

             “Beautiful, is it not old friend? This is one of my favorite spots in the nation, aside from the tavern, of course.” Janus huffed, doing their best to project themselves back to the small room where their cards waited. 

             No such luck for them. 

             “Since when have we been friends, Barbatos?” The bard hummed, light fingertips pausing over the Lyre, blue eyes staring into their very being. Those who played a fool were some of the most dangerous indeed. 

             “Since you decided to take upon this girl as your vessel, of course.” Janus bristled at the statement, a low chuckle leaving their throat. 

             “Oh, you think I would fancy a frail child as my vessel of my own accord? We are not all so lucky to take on the form of a friend , Barbatos.” For just a moment, the bard froze, and even twitched, but it was quickly stifled under an unnerving smile, delicate fingers once again plucking a low mournful tune upon the Lyre. 

             “No, I suppose we are not all so lucky. Still, I wished to give you a warning, a sign of good faith now that you are within my country, amongst my children. Even though I was not there to see, and the winds long ceased, their gusts have told me of your past deeds. You being here makes the wind wary, as it knows you are not usually so kind as a rosemary.” That fool's smile never left the bard's face, but Janus was not fooled. 

             “Oh? Then say your peace Barbatos, and leave the little Kit out of this, Collei is not one of your children.” 

             “No, perhaps not. But if I recall correctly, it was here that Cyno originally sealed you away, all those years ago? How old was Collei then?” 

             Janus bristled, but they refused to be played into this young things' games. 

             “Not a day over twelve I’d say. Perhaps younger, but who am I to say. It is strange, human lives are so quick.” At that, Barbatos nodded, fingers once again pausing over the Lyre. 

             “Yes, and I seem to have gotten off track.” The bard looked at them, and for a moment, he seemed almost…Mournful. His eyes creased, and his mouth hung low. 

             This didn’t bode well.  This particular young archon was especially empathetic to humans, Janus knew this. 

             “Collei has fallen too deep. It is getting harder and harder to sense her presence. Her dream is powerful, but it is not a home. It is sinking. Stop this Janus, before you are both dragged under into that endless night where no soul is permitted rest, no wind free from forever howling.” A faint whiff of smoke greeted them, and the bard sighed, gesturing to the haze that now enveloped Janus. 

             “I believe your cards are ready to be read, if you will not listen to me, at least listen to your cards, before you go back to bed.” Within a wink and a blink of an eye, they were back in the small room, the cards greeting them sent a shot of panic through their chest. 

             The Hanged Man and The Star, the bard spoke true. The cards spoke of many trials to come, change, a transformation of the self, an ascension of one's selfishness. 

             This was bad. 

             Janus had promised to not check in on the girl more than was necessary, but if what Venti said was true, then this was very necessary. Janus stared down at the cards once more before shuffling them and putting them away, turning instead to the mirror. Getting comfortable, they closed their eyes and just breathed. 

             In and out. 

             In and out.

             Nice and slow. 

             When they opened their eyes they were…Still in the bedroom provided by the Knights. Time to try another tactic. Janus went into the bed, laying down on their side and trying to will themself to sleep, if simple meditation was not going to work then they would have to take the long route and fall asleep. 

             Just sleep. 

             Dream. 

             Dream of the shared consciousness that linked them with the little kit. Dream of the garden, of Mondstats library where they last left Collei, of the dream fathers and dream friends who made up that happy place. 

             Janus let out a sigh of relief as they were greeted by the dream once again, they stood, shaking their robes off, back in their preferred form. In front of them, in the field under a large branching oak, was Collei. She was sitting on a picnic blanket with her fathers and Amber, even Lisa and Jean seemed to be a part of this world now. Still, simply seeing her was not enough confirmation, Janis needed to talk to Collei. Janus moved in front of Collei, and this was when he noticed something that filled them with dread. 

             The dream counterparts had not halted, they were still sitting and chatting with Collei, despite the fact that Janus’s presence should have brought the dream to a halt in an instant. With shaking hands Janus reached out, placing a hand on the dream counterpart of Cyno. 

             Well, they tried to at least, for when their fingertips met “Cyno’s” shoulder,  they fell right down into the man's chest, as if it was Janus and not the dreamer who held no corporal form in this realm. 

             Janus had no form in this world anymore. 

             “Collei. …Speak to me.” Collei did not look at them, did not tear her eyes away from her lovely picnic for even an instant. Nothing Janus did could catch her attention, no yelling, summoning their fire, nothing seemed to take shape before her eyes. No shadow cast. 

             Janus’s breath came in quick, a familiar feeling like that of when they first experienced Collei’s body having a panic attack. They were panicking now, and it felt all too human.

             No, they would find a way to sever the ties, let the kit stay in her dream, they would not sink with her into that endless sleep. They refused, they had not survived this long only to be undone by a selfish child clinging to her dream! Janus hastily disregarded the fear and guilt that was washing over them as they watched Collei in her false world. 

             A dream they no longer had any control over, with no clear way to disrupt, enter, or end. 

             Collei was looking right at them, now. 

             Cease.  

             Janus woke up in a cold sweat on the bed, heart beating out of their chest, when they glanced into the mirror all they saw was a teenage girl's wide scared eyes. 

             They were in trouble. 

Chapter Text

           CRASH. 

           Janus’s hands shook, trembling from their elbow to their fingertips. The smashed bottle they had thrown at the mirror in their childish rage lay on the floor, and they held their breath, waiting. 

           No sound from the hallway, and Janus let out their breath slowly. Thankfully no one had heard their tantrum, or else they would have to deal with the frantic fathers once again. No, they couldn’t have a repeat of that little episode, the more the fathers panicked, the less Janus knew what to do with them, how to respond, how to act. 

           They didn’t know how to act right now, cut off from Collei, her memories, her personality, her vision. All of that was severed from them like a hot knife through ice. They were alone now, puppeteering this body on their own. A puppet with no strings is bound to crumble, and they knew not how to keep up this charade.