Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In Leonard's time as the Enterprise's CMO, he wasn't sure how shit turned sideways as quickly as it had. But sure as shit, it did this time. You see, it'd begun just like any other typical week on the Enterprise: slow and sure as shit boring, kinda like molasses dribbling out of a jar. Per usual, the time passed monotonously, like it always did. And to make things even better, they'd just received orders from the Admiralty to do everyone's favorite pastime: star charting. (Scuttlebutt around the ship said that Alpha shift had let out a big ol' sigh at the new, well 'sides the Hobgoblin. Leonard knew Spock and his minions had been tickled pink at the chance to do some space frolicking; the shits!)

On Leonards's side of the fence, yearly physicals and vaccines had taken up a good chunk of his time. That, and making sure Scotty's little hellions' antics hadn't compelled them to burn themselves to a crisp being certified dumbass'. Leonard knew from previous adventures that their short, tranquil period would soon end in a firey shitshow that is First Contact missions. That, or Jim would miraculously forget that he's allergic to strawberries. Again. Ugh.

McCoy knew that his mess of a best friend had been sullen and restless about the sheer number of nothing they'd done lately, and damn Leonard to hell if he wasn't keen to recognize that he was too. He even recounted to Jim during lunch in the 'mess that he'd "been so bored - he had taken inventory twice this week! and it was only Tuesday!" The cranky brunette had been losing his goddamn mind if he was bein' honest. Hell, if these next few days went swiftly and without trouble, he'd deliberately ask Jim n' Spock to swing a second chess night this week. If Leonard played his cards right, he'd needle Spock into continuing their over-lunch discussion regarding Vulcan Mollusk and whether they were considered plants or animals.

Sadly that fleeting train of thought was rapidly flung out the nearest airlock as Leonard heard the doors of his Sickbay woosh open. In came the epitome of Leonard's problems, Jim, flirtin' with Leonard's Head Nurse. God, that dumb blonde Cassanova couldn't help himself, could he?

"Wonder what the lil' shit wants this time?" Leonard quietly questioned himself, stretching his back by rolling his shoulder blades and neck from side to side until he heard a satisfying pop. Leonard rose from his chair with a weary sigh and steered himself out the office door and onto Sickbay's main floor. Walking down the row of beds, Leonard could see the ship's Captian holding what looked like a cup of coffee while conversing in hushed tones with Christine in the doorway of Sickbay. The surly Doctor crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave Jim his renowned 'What do you want, dumbass?' scowl.

"Whaddya want Jim? Don't tell me you came here to bring me coffee and harass my Head Nurse. Isn't there something better you should be doin' like, I dunno, sitting that pretty little ass of yours on your big spinny chair on the bridge?" Leonard griped, grumbling a quick "Sir" through his teeth; they were still on shift. That little sentiment earned him a small chuckle from Jim.

The blonde energetically shifted his attention towards his friend, supplying him a James T. Kirk signature shit-eating grin and that cup of life's nectar he was holding. "Nah, Bones, nothing like that! I just came down because it's the end of shift, and I needed my emotional support DILF to take me into his arms and tell me how pretty I am!" Jim pulled his stupid 'Look at me! I'm precious, don't you love me?' face purposely to piss Leonard off. Christine shook her head while letting out an amused chuckle, while McCoy scoffed at the blonde's antics. With a smirk, the Captian slid cozily up to his best friend and slung his arm around the grumpy Southerner's shoulder. "C'mon Bones, it's after shift! Don't you want to hear how exciting my day was or the juicy gossip I heard while passing by our new gaggle of fresh meat? Ensigns Amura and Th'aanv had started a little betting pool about who would still stand after a night of boozing Scotty's hooch." As Jim gossips, his smirk grows into a leer, his blue eyes twinkling with humor. McCoy doesn't like that look in Jim's eyes.

"Plus, I heard a little somethin' from Chekov today. Fun fact, did y'know that you and Spock are engaging in a secret love affair?" Hearing this, McCoy choked, and his eyes widened. God, did the whiz kid really think that about his commanding officers? Him?! He and the Hobgoblin, together?! God, did Leo wish. Just the idea gave Leonard minute shivers of pleasure. Leonard knows why Jim found the prospect amusing, the gremlin. It'd come out during a night of drinking. During the past year-and-a-half, Leonard had slowly realized that he'd fallen for the sassy Vulcan even though he was almost the most significant pain in the ass that Leonard had met. (Jim had earned that #1 title just by being himself, the corn-fed little shit).

When Leonard was lying in bed on lonely nights with only his thoughts and left hand, he thought of Spock. Spock with those stupidly cute pointy ears of his. Spock looking ridiculously attractive in those modest robes of his. Spock, who, when he spoke in Vulcan ( or in Standard, with that barely-there accent), made Leonard bumble like an idiot. Or the most sinful, when Spock did that dumb minuscule barely-there-not-smile that Leonard loved. God, did images like that run rampant in Leonard's mind, imagining the tips of those pointed ears rolled between his lips or the soft sounds the Vulcan would make in ecstasy as Leonard played with his slit. Curse the inner sensualist in him. Leonard knew it was only wishful thinking, but God! That carnal hunger, the honest-to-god need Leonard harbored for Spock, terrified Leonard! A man could only yearn for so long before succumbing to his primal desires.

He'd already had his heart viciously torn out of him and burned, once bitten twice shy. They'd married young, after their first year of college. He'd fallen ass first in love with Joce, and it was marital bliss for them. Late nights of a younger med student and law student helping each other study in their respective fields over Chinese takeout and date night galore. The once happy memory of buying their first townhome together on the outskirts of Atlanta pained him somethin' fierce. And when they'd found out about Joanna, that'd been the best day of his life. Leonard knew he'd failed her, but for God's sake, he'd been betrayed by the woman he'd loved unconditionally - the mother of his child! Sure, Leonard knew he had failed her too, with the hellish long hour at the hospital and everything that happened with his Pa.

No, Spock wouldn't want a damaged man like him.

Leonard jolted out of his head, and his attention returned to the present. He quickly threw that train of thought out the nearest airlock. He leveled a vicious glare at Jim. "You're outta your corn-fed mind if you believe any hogwash those academy kids pass around, Jimmy. Me and Spock? As if!" the brunette grumbled. "Those snot-headed little shits are looking too hard at anything around this ship. 'Sides, all they're doin' is talkin' shit to make the long days pass!" Leonard spotted a faint glimmer of something akin to sympathy in Jim's sapphire eyes as the blonde opened his mouth to speak, "C'mon Bones, we both know that's not true; you're a catch! Why don't we continue this in my quarters? We can relax over a few drinks while I bring you up to speed on the plan for the landing party tomorrow!" Jim gestured to Sickbay's entrance with a slight tilt, insinuating that he was ordering more than asking. His hair did a little swoosh.

Well, Leonard had two options. He could act like this whole interaction never happened: ask for the debrief to be sent to his PADD and then wallow in self-pity for the evening. Or, Leonard could be a big boy, face the music, and join his friend for a "debrief," (which was actually code for them to have a few and for Leonard to be in for a night of sharing his feelings, his "Bi Panic," as Jim called it, the sadist). The younger man led Leonard out into the halls of the Enterprise, and Leonard made a little quip about how "the Hobgoblin better not do anything stupid on that stupid, or I'm gonna rip him a new asshole!" Jim replied with an eye roll and a bemused, "It's just a quick little land and get samples mission Bones; Spock'll be just fine!"

God, he fucking hated Jim, especially when he was wrong.

Chapter Text

Yesterday's time cycle elapsed too fast, per usual. The "morning," if you could truly call it that, started incredibly shitty for Leonard. He woke up late, tumbling out of bed wrapped in his sheets as his late alarm screeched in his ears. After shutting the damn thing up, he quickly stripped himself of his boxers and hopped into the shower, only to find out he couldn't even have a quick hot shower because his dumbass had run out of water credits for the week. 'Now that's just typical!' he thought as he scowled at the shower dial. Subcumming to his fate, he took a swift 'sonic and did his morning routine. As he dressed, he saw that the clock read zero-six-twenty-five. With a growl, he exited his quarters craving a cream cheese Danish he didn't have the time for and anxious about today's scheduled away mission.

However, considering his typical pre-mission anxiety, this was nothing new. He routinely had gut feelings about missions going sideways. He was correct ninety percent of the time, but did anyone listen to him? No. Especially during First-Survey missions! It frustrated him to no end 'cause Spock and his science gremlins always gathered samples of foreign specimens they understood half a fuck about! Especially because one of them always landed their dumbass in his Sickbay for touching something they shouldn't have! His staff held friendly wagers for who of the away team would land their sorry ass in the care of the cantankerous Doctor. They lovingly dubbed away missions "Big Man One & Two's Happy Fun Times" since the Captian & XO tended to be his regular victims. Those two seemingly "forgot" regulation 86.42, which barred the Captian and XO from being off 'ship simultaneously. They ignored that little tidbit, though.

Every. Fucking. Time.

Christine thought the name was fitting. It always made her giggle on the inside. Leonard's team amusingly noticed that his go-to phrase whenever said men landed themselves in bio-beds was: "Those two fucknuts went hurtin' themselves again, didn't they!?" His staff knew that all the bitchin' & grumpin' was his way of showing he cared, so they'd always take the less astute patients' charts from him whenever he was extra cranky. Speaking of her boss, she turned to him as he entered Sickbay, "Here you go, Doctor," The nurse informed cheerfully, handing the southern grump Spock's survival kit. It was filled with the extra goodies she knew Leonard always packed him. Her boss was so whipped. And blissfully ignorant. "One Starfleet survival kit for Commander Spock. Extra rations and a pair of lined gloves in case of accidental friendly first contact." Leonard looked through the kit as Christine listed everything off. He mentally double-checked that the pack had all standard equipment and hypos. A soft blush spread across the brunette's face as he glared at his Head Nurse. She noticed his left eyebrow twitch. He sputtered as he closed the gear. "His metabolism may be slower than ours, Christine, yet somehow, he still runs through those rations like a hog in wintertime! Lord knows he never has gloves when first contacts are friendly!" Leonard declared, agitated.'

Tch, Tch Leonard. Excuses, excuses,' the blonde thought. She nodded as her boss vehemently tried to prove that he was not whipped for their XO - thank you very much! Bless that surly southern belle; he was such a lovesick dork. A small smile graced her lips, and she snarked, "Of course, Doctor. That's exactly why Mr. Spock seems to be the only officer on this ship that gets that little extra bit of "Lenny Lovin'," as the Captian would say." Before Leonard could respond, his comm chirped, "Dr. McCoy to Transporter Room 3," came Lieutenant Uhura's voice. This granted Christine a chance to slip away, escaping the would-be tongue-lashing. Leonard closed his eyes and inhaled for a few seconds trying to calm himself from his friend's teasing. Christine knew how to push his buttons a bit too well regarding his feelings for Spock. While he exhaled, he ran a hand through his curly brown mop of hair and answered his comm. "Message received, Lieutenant. Heading there now", He gruffly replied. Leonard luged the kit over his shoulder, heading out of Skickbay to the turbo-lift. Entering the 'lift, he ordered, "Computer, Turbo-lift Seven to Deck 5." The computer answers the request by shutting the metal doors and moving.

Leo rolled his tense shoulders back as his ride reached its destination and let out an uneasy sigh. He couldn't shake yesterday's restless thoughts of how the overgrown elf had to beam down to a planet where they only got a paragraph of info. Jim, bless him, tried to calm the Doctor's nerves last night by having a few drinks and askin' about Joanna. Leo went along with it, recounting to the infant how his baby girl had utterly decimated at her latest junior rodeo competition; it still didn't take his mind off that gut feelin'. With the 'lift doors woosh-ing open, Leonard begrudgingly marched toward Transporter Room 3. As he entered the room, he saw Scotty working on the control panel on the far side wall. The redhead hummed a Scottish folksong, his head bobbing along to the tune as he adjusted whatever he needed.

Leonard's gaze shifted from his jolly drinking buddy to Spock.

The younger man stood by the steps leading to the Transporter Pad, reading over a PADD. Even though Spock was standing there, the Doctor could not help but admire the magnificent beauty that was just Spock. Leo noticed Spock's usually perfectly styled hair was slightly mussed, with a tiny cowlick curling up somewhat over the tip of his left ear. The way the younger man attempted to brush it down discreetly made him chuckle. On witnessing Spock not at peak perfection, an overwhelming sense of pure adoration washed over him. Leonard loved those ears. They were so pointy and cute; what he'd do to give them a lil' nibble. The Vulcan was a mix of pure intelligence, grace, sass, and enough attitude to whoop Leonard into any shape he wanted to. And Leonard would smile and say 'Thank ya kindly.' The thought made him stop, a rushing wave of mortification washing over him. He was so glad Spock was a touch telepath and not like a Betazoid. He'd probably die of humiliation if Spock discovered the mushy thoughts that graced Leonard's pea brain. He shook his head, clearing himself of those thoughts.

Hearing the Doctor's entrance into the room, Spock turned to greet the slightly shorter brunette. "Good Morning, Doctor. You arrived five-point-two-six-seven minutes earlier than expected; the Captain has yet to arrive." Leonard rolled his eyes. "Ya can't just estimate anything, can ya Spock?" he drawled, the left side of his mouth quirked up a bit in amusement. The First Officer lowered his gaze at Leonard down the bridge of his nose and gave him his signature eyebrow raise. Leo was so about to get sassed. "Seeing as I am correct ninty-five-point-six-four percent of the time when it comes to mathematical and logical analysis, I see no need to "estimate" anything, Doctor." Here came the big-bad-logical Vulcan, rearing its cute self-assured head 'bout to give Len the tongue lashin' of a lifetime. It secretly made Leo all tingly on the inside, but that didn't mean that he was gonna take it. No-sir; he always gave it just as good as he got it.

Leo headed over to where the hobgoblin stood and set Spock's survival kit on the little top self of the transporter controls, leaning against it and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Unbeknownst to Leonard, it made him accentuate his very built chest, and a certain Vulcan very much noticed this. Said Vulcan's gaze drifted to his PADD, but not before he discreetly admired the Doctor's sculpted form."Who would've thought a grown-up green supercomputer would be right 'bout math? Could've fooled me."Spock's brow did the most little furrow as his eyes shot up and held the doctor's gaze; he was getting fussy. Leo knew he'd hooked him then. Just as Spock opened his mouth to retort, the door to the Transporter room slid open with Jim walking in. "Apologies for the delay, guys. Uhura intercepted some weird message an-"  He paused and glanced between us, his lips slowly turning up on both ends, ending in an amused smirk.

"Am I interrupting something gentlemen?"That earned his captain an eye-roll from Leonard. Of course, Jim had to ruin his fun before it'd even started.