Chapter 1: even if you run away, you still see them in your dreams
Chapter Text
Jay was pretty sure she was cursed at this point.
It was as if a small part of Loffinlot was forever stuck with her, jumping on her like a flea to a dog and making a home in her subconscious. A cruel joke played on her by the universe, she supposed. Destiny’s laughingstock, the gods’ personal jester. Except she wasn’t even paid, those cheapskates.
Sure, she always had some fear of her family in the back of her mind, but it was never more than a lingering anxiety until Loffinlot. While before she’d maybe have a nightmare or two every so often, it was never as bad - never as real - as it was now. Nightmares turned to night terrors, once a month turned to several days in a row, and although the curse of Loffinlot had since subsided, the night terrors didn’t go away. She could’ve handled the anxiety Gillion had (it was a bit worrying, seeing him so quiet) no problem, the constant shaking of Chip’s curse (only worrying to a thief such as him) would’ve been a breeze. But of course, as the jester of the gods she was, Jay instead was plagued with something that actually wormed her way into her brain and refused to leave, even after its source had been lifted. It got to the point that she started to feel a pit in her stomach before a night terror, a sixth sense of sorts that showed itself just before she feel asleep (too late for her to do anything about it), giving her a sense of dread before she slipped into dreamland.
It was such a night tonight, to Jay’s despair.
The dream started out pleasant: Jay was on a large boat, similar to the Albatross but made out of a darker wood, and much bigger in size. She was leaning against the railing on the port side (see, Jay knew pirate words), listening to the gentle and relaxing waves while staring up at the night sky, one devoid of stars. It was quite calming.
And then she heard shouting. Or rather, screaming. The sound echoed around her and yet she felt as if it was only in her head, screams of agony and pain, of anger and hopelessness, emotional enough to make her ears ring and her head spin. Instinctively, Jay covered her ears with her palms, muffling the sound just barely, and curled herself into a ball, her knees almost touching her chin, shutting her eyes tight as if she could just disappear and escape from the noise. The screaming was so loud, it felt as if she couldn't hear her own thoughts, although looking back on it her mind was probably simply in a state of panic to the point her mind shut off completely, nothing but a constant loop of begging the yells to stop. Please stop, please stop, please stop. The noises grew louder, the screams seemed to become louder, and finally a crash erupted from her right, followed by the most guttural shriek ever uttered by a human being. Jay froze in horror, for out of the cacophony of voices she didn’t dare decipher, the shriek was a voice she remembered clearly, one that showed up often in the night terrors that plagued her. Ava.
Despite the fact her subconscious knew Ava was gone, Dream Jay - bless her idiotic heart - still immediately leaped up, starting to run down the deck towards the sound. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, as if her ribcage was a prison it was attempting to bust out of, as she ran down the stairs, the scream becoming clearer every second. Jay's vision blurred with tears, her head pounding just as much as her heartbeat as she stumbled towards the captain’s quarters with a mixture of desperation and dread in her footsteps, arriving at the wooden doors both far too late and far too soon. The shrieks of Ava overwhelmed her now, tearing through her eardrums and dealing more damage to her than a gunshot ever could. She tried the handles, and either the screaming was messing with her head or the door was locked. Jay muttered a “Fuck you, God” under her breath as she turned to her side, pushing her shoulder into the door in a way that would’ve never worked unless you were in an adventure story or Gillion Tidestrider.
Jay was not either of those things, but thankfully, she was dreaming (a sentence she was pretty sure she had never thought before), and the doors swung open, hitting the walls and bouncing off slightly with a loud slam. Jay fell to the floor with a thud, her balance offset. The screaming disappeared, as if it was shoved into a jar and hidden away, and it was replaced with a silence that felt almost equally threatening, itching Jay’s fight-or-flight response. The ringing in her ears faded and her headache stopped, as if it was never there in the first place. Shakily, she started to push herself up, freezing as she noticed her jacket sleeves had changed from their usual Navy Blue into a bright red- a red she had seen many times before.
A creak rang out from before her, and Jay’s head snapped up so quickly that she was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. A figure stood before her, and with each second Jay felt her heartbeat grow louder ever so steadily again. Dark boots. A red jacket. Hair not unlike her own, however much shorter and with a faint glow that looked as if sparks were coming from it. A stern face, with bright blue eyes that seemed to hold a glimmer of distaste. Jay’s father.
“Jay,” he started, his voice already laced with a poisonous disappointment, “what do you think you’re doing?” A shiver went down Jay’s spine, the world starting to shift and spin, the only thing in focus Jason Ferin. Her heartbeat rose to her ears, a steady time-bomb reminder of every passing second. Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.
“Jay,” her father repeated, clearly growing more annoyed. Jay’s panic grew as well. Ba-bum, Ba-bum, Ba-bum.
“Jay.” The world had a vignette now, everything growing blurry. Jay was shaking, like the coward she was. Gods, she was weak. Ba-bum Ba-bum Ba-bum.
“Jay!” Was she hallucinating, or was there another voice saying her name? Her father’s teeth were sharp, he was a predator, a monster, and Jay’s heart sank as she realized who the prey was. Ba-bum ba-bum ba-
“Jay, are you alright?” a voice called out- not her father’s. Jay’s mind was clouded, she was laying down on some sort of cot, where was she? Her cheeks were wet, from tears or sweat she was unsure. She squinted her eyes open, to be met with another pair- blue, glowing, wide. Jay yelped, jumping a bit.
“Ah! Apologies, Jay, I simply wanted to make sure you were alright.” The world refocused itself and Jay gained the ability to think again. She internally checked off her surroundings, if not just to distract her mind: The faint rocking was because she was on the Albatross. The blue eyes and the voice belonged to Gillion Tidestrider, champion of the undersea, hero of the deep, the list continues. Jay blinked, trying to absorb all the information she already knew, until she realized Gill was talking to her.
“Oh, well, uh, thanks for that, I guess…” Jay replied quietly, unsure of what to say next. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry if I did,”
Gill’s finned ears folded a bit. “Not at all, and even if you did it wouldn't be a problem. However-” He frowned a bit "-You sounded scared. Are you hurt? Do you need healing?" Gill raised a hand slightly, a clear gesture to his healing abilities. Jay shook her head slowly, though she could tell from the look on Gillion's face that his worries weren't lessened by much. If she knew one thing about her fishy crewmate, it was that he was quite stubborn when he wanted to be. Then again, she could say the same thing about most pirates she had met. Including herself, though she didn't really count.
Gill glanced behind himself, towards his barrel. Next to it was a table draped in extra cloth for the sails, with the trio's daytime clothing on top. Jay's was properly folded, Gillion's in a pile, and Chip's on the floor, probably because it fell off the table. On the other side of the barrel was Gillion's armor and sword. He was the only one of the crew who kept his weapon so close to his resting place, Jay had noted. Chip's swords hung from a metal hook on the wall opposite of where his hammock was placed and Jay's bow rested nearby. Jay technically had a dagger wedged between her cot and the wooden wall beside it, but it would hopefully never have to be her first pick. Gillion's ear-fins perked a bit and he ran over surprisingly quietly, yanking the cloth off the table. Jay cringed as all the trio's clothes fell to the floor (well, besides Chip's of course), and Gillion's fins immediately pointed downwards, folding in once more as he realized he didn't think it through. "Oops...?" He said, a sheepishly worried smile on his face.
"Gill, you just dropped all our clothes on the floor," Jay repeated her thoughts out loud.
"I know, and I feel terrible, I'll make it up to you. But here, follow me," Gillion bounded up towards the main deck of the ship (Jay was on a ROLL with these ship terms!), the large square of cloth draped over his shoulder. Jay sighed, but followed him up- it was best to entertain his nonsense for now.
Once she got up, Gillion waved her to the side a bit, and then laid the cloth on the floor like a picnic blanket. From there he said on the blanket criss-cross style, and pat the spot next to him, gesturing for Jay to sit. Hesitantly, Jay carefully climbed onto the blanket, sitting a few feet away. The sky was dark above the two, however the half-hidden moon gave Jay enough light to see, and Gillion could see in the dark, being born in the Undersea. Chip had to explain to Gillion once that humans didn't share that power- 'darkvision,' Chip had called it. After that, they hadn't discussed the subject anymore, but Jay had secretly been a bit jealous of Gill ever since. She mostly just thought being able to see in the dark might get her a date with someone somehow, like in those romance books she occasionally read where two strangers would meet under the cloak of night, both in their most vulnerable states as they confessed secrets to one another that they hadn't even told their closest loved ones-
"So, Jay," Gillion began, breaking the silence along with her thoughts, "What happened back there?" Jay flinched, looking away from the sky that she'd been staring at to Gillion, only to glance away once more.
"I just-" She gulped, "Had a nightmare. That's all."
Gillion's tail swished back and forth slowly as he seemed to consider his responses. "Well..." He started, pausing for a second before continuing, "We don't have to talk about it if you want. We could, uh, talk about different things until you feel better?" His voice had started to rise with every word towards the end of the sentence. "I've helped some people get out of moods by doing that."
"What would we even talk about?"
"Anything you'd like to! Stories, dreams - not the evil kind - things you want to get into, anything!"
"Uhm," Jay glanced around for a second, "How about that book by your grandfather? Finn?"
"Oh!" Gillion's eyes lit up, an excited smile crossing his face. "I've been enjoying it! Well, I-" His cheeks flushed a bit and his ears folded back as he turned towards his lap, "I guess I've been enjoying the fact it was made by him more than the book itself. It's nice to have something made by him in my hands, you know?" Jay's hand squeezed instinctively, though Ava's badge was still resting by her bedside. "...Yeah, I get that,' She said softly, looking down at her lap as well.
Seemingly sensing the mood going down, Gillion continued, "Honestly, I never got why some people were so into that sort of stuff. Never seemed appealing to me."
"That sort of.... you mean sex?" Jay raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I mean, I'm happy Grandpeepaw was proud of it, but I never really understood that people actually... wanted to do it? Like, actively? I'm repeating myself, but again, doesn't sound appealing."
Jay paused for a second before answering, "Gillion, are you asexual?"
"Hm?" Gill turned towards her, "What's that?"
"It's like... people who don't like sex. Or, I guess they can like sex, but they don't feel any sexual attraction. Or maybe they do but very rarely, or they feel no desire to act upon it. There's a lot of different versions of it, it's like," Jay waved her hands in an arch, "an umbrella term, y'know?"
"I... was not aware that was a thing." Gillion was staring at her in a bit of awe. She got that, she had that 'Oh' moment as well when she had first gotten a crush on a girl. "Thank you Jay, I appreciate you telling me this."
"There's also aromantic as well I believe, but that's for romantic attraction as opposed to sexual attraction. Does that also fit you?"
Gill shrugged, "I never really had a crush on anybody growing up, however," He chuckled a bit, "Then again, the only people I was routinely around were the Elders and my sister. I certainly hope I wouldn't get a crush on any of them."
Jay scrunched up her face. "Ew, I hope not as well. But wait, I didn't know you had a sister?"
Gillion's smile turned soft, and he brought up his knees to his chest. "Yeah, her name is Edyn. You would've liked her a lot, I think. She used to check in with me every so often back during training, but then one day she just... stopped showing up," He frowned, "I hope she's okay, it's been a while now. I suppose Destiny will bring us back together when the time is right."
"You're just... waiting? Hoping that fate will maybe bring you two back together?" Jay shook her head slightly, "You put more trust in destiny than I ever could."
"I must, Jay. What else is there to do besides that?" Gillion's voice was serious and determined, but Jay could tell something else was laced under his tone. She nodded silently, letting the conversation drop for the moment.
Gill glanced at her, not saying for a moment, and then two. Finally, when the silence started to become unbearable, he bumped into her with his shoulder. "Besides, Destiny brought us two together, didn't it? Who says it won't do that again?" He smiled a bit. Jay didn't say anything, but she couldn't help smiling a bit too.
"Gods know you and Chip would've probably killed each other by now if I wasn't here."
"I could say the same thing as well, Jay." Despite it all, Jay laughed in response. "Tell me," She replied, "What did you do to Chip that left him so red back on the Island of Ire?" She already knew the answer, but it didn't hurt to ask.
"I found this paper that said to perform an act of love," Gillion replied, "and well, when you started drowning, I panicked and kissed him. I still haven't apologized to him," He sighed, and Jay had to hide a snicker as she replied, "Don't worry about it, it was probably the best kiss of Chip's life anyways."
"What are you implying, Jay Ferin?" Gill raised an eyebrow playfully.
"That Chip is probably going to be single for the rest of the life, that bastard."
"...But he's married?"
~
The banter continued between the two, laughing until their stomachs ached. They sat like that until the moon started to dip into the horizon, the sky starting to turn orange and red with the sunrise. Gillion turned towards Jay, saying, "But in the original story, they actually do make it, through.... oh." Jay was asleep, a peaceful look on her face as she laid on her side. Gillion let out a soft sigh, a smile on his face, and got up from the blanket. As softly as he could, he tossed the blanket over Jay so that she was wrapped inside it, but so she could still easily toss it off, and picked her up, carrying her bridal style downstairs to the space where her bed was, built within the wall with a small drape to give her some privacy. He ever-so carefully set her down, shutting the curtain closed, and started to head back to his barrel when he noticed Chip turn his head towards him. "Did she have another night terror?" Chip asked, his voice tired but genuine. Gillion nodded and replied, "Yes, but she seems alright now. Might need a couple hours to regain some energy."
Chip snorted under his breath. "You two spent, what, four hours up there? Looks like for once I'll be the one to wake up early."
Gill chuckled in response. "Rest well, Chip."
"Sleep well, Gill."
Gillion sank into his barrel satisfied, and the so-called 'personal jester of the gods,' for once in her life, slept peacefully.
Chapter 2: Late Night Calls
Summary:
Gillion learns that the mortifying ordeal of being known is part of the absolute bliss of being loved.
Notes:
Spoilers for up to episode 83 (I think) and takes place around episode 88, but the timeline got pretty wonky so idk for sure. Also I promise not all of these will have Gillion in them he’s just been rotating in my mind ever since I started listening to this silly dnd podcast and I don’t have the heart to evict him
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Click.
The conch shell made that sound suddenly, interrupting the casual yet joyful conversation Gillion had been having with his dear friend Caspian.
He forced himself to exhale, letting himself adapt to the silence, to the sudden weight of the air around him that was once filled with his friend’s voice.
He gazed up at the night sky and saw the moon gazing back, as high in the night sky as it could ever go. The rest of the crew (excluding Alphonse, who was driving the ship) were already tucked into bed, leaving Gillion sprawled out in the crow’s nest, previously talking to Caspian. This wasn’t the first time this happened- there was another time where the conch had clicked, and Gillion had panicked, thinking that somehow, he had broken it. Perhaps he had held it too tightly with his claws or he was too reckless and swung it around (or something) and it couldn’t handle it, or maybe it ran out of magic by him using it too much, or maybe it was his fault in some other way. Huh.
Of course, it was none of those things, as he learned a minute later after he had frantically attempted (and succeeded) to call Caspian back, who explained that the shell automatically turned off during midnight- the separation between night and morning. So, Gillion did not panic this time (he ignored the fact he could feel his pulse all the more), but he did not immediately call Caspian back either. He simply paused, staring at the shell in his hand. He wasn’t thinking, really. His mind was empty, and not in the ‘jokey’ way, but in the way where every time he tried to move his eyes they always drifted back to the shell, and he knew that he should call Caspian back but his hands weren’t moving. His brain wasn’t moving, either. He stared and stared until-
“Gillion?” Caspian’s voice, smooth and flowy like calm waves, rang out. Gillion could once again feel the soft hum of magic in his hands, which was admittedly becoming his new normal, if it wasn’t already. Between the time at sea and the choir of pulses within the many magical items Gillion carried, solidness had started to scare him. Hm.
“Caspian!” He exhaled a response, some strange combination between a sigh and a yawn, and whatever that combination was with an excited welcome (or at least an attempted one). Caspian didn’t make a noise, but Gillion swore he could hear him smile as he started speaking.
“Ah, where were we? Something about you trying chocolate for the first time-“
“Yes. It was horrible , Caspian. It was so bitter ,” Gillion immediately jumped back to his dramatic demeanor. He rested his free hand on his cheek at the memory, his fingers covering his eye slightly.
There was a soft laugh on the other side of the shell. “Well not all chocolate is bitter, I hope you know. Some of it is sweet.”
“Isn’t it made from beans ?” That was what Jay had said, anyways.
“Yes, but some people add sugar to it- it’s a whole process, I admittedly know nothing about it, but someday I’ll buy you a nice chocolate drink for you to try. The chocolate you had probably wasn’t ready to be eaten yet, usually it’s in, well, drinks, or it’s in these little squares-“
Gillion started to say, “Caspian I-“ but paused the second Caspian stopped talking. “Nevermind,” He said, “Keep going.”
“No, no, I’d like you hear what you want to say,” Caspian replied. This was a phrase Gillion had heard plenty of times along their calls, always in response to Gillion cutting himself off before he could speak. Huh.
“‘Huh’?” Caspian asked. Gill hadn’t realized he had spoken it aloud.
“Nothing, just… thinking.” Gillion responded. There was a pause, and once it was obvious Caspian was expecting Gill to continue, he did. “Do you ever feel, this like, emptiness?” Laughter arose in his voice as he finished his sentence. It sounded so silly, so hyperbolized. “Sorry, that probably doesn’t make sense-“
“No, no, Gillion,” Caspian repeated himself, “keep going,”
“Oh, okay, uh…” Gillion paused for a moment before continuing, “Just… sometimes when you’re alone you feel just, really sad? And bad? And not good?” That awkward laugh was returning. He wasn’t making any sense. He was being dramatic, and he knew it. But he kept going, desperately trying to string things together so they made sense but were still accurate. “It’s like you’re hallow, like- like a shell, a conch shell. A conch shell!” He laughed, in a shoddy attempt to lighten the load that this call suddenly bore, “Like the- like what we’re using to call! And it swirls inside you! And-“
He had failed. And he didn’t know what to say next, but for some selfish reason he wanted to keep talking, he needed the floor still under him like he was a greedy human, and- oh. Oh, no.
Gillion froze, his mouth open but no words coming out. His mind was raving a million words a second, but those words were the same things on repeat- he needed to say something he needed to say something he needed to say something . He needed to say anything .
“I envy you, Caspian.” Not that not that not that . That was so misleading and lying was wrong and champions did not lie . “Uh- I- let me try that again. Sometimes, I think- I know it’s silly, your life is far from, uh, untroubled-“
“Gillion,” Caspian said with an exasperated sigh, and that was all Gillion needed for his brain to start working again. Even if it was still in panic mode, it was at least comprehensible.
“It’s just… you do so many wonderful things with such ease, you’re so great with magic and when you fight you bend and dance like water…”
Caspian snickered slightly, interrupting but in a soft voice so the conversation wasn’t pointed on him, “I am a water genasi, Gillion,”
“Yes, I know, but-“ Gillion also started to chuckle, “You’re just so amazing! Your sword, it was like the sun but now it’s the moon? And-“ The laughter faded, “-And you’re just so… free.”
“Gillion, you’re just as free as I am. Is that not the reason you became a pirate?” Gillion winced a little as his friend’s response. As close as they were, Gillion hadn’t brought up much of certain parts of his story. Caspian knew about the Elders, of course, and Edyn’s visits and how he got Pretzel and met his future crew, but he didn’t know about everything (as much as it kind of seemed he did).
“I became a pirate through a series of mishaps, misunderstandings, battles, lies, and let offs,” Gillion announced, his voice steady and solid (but solid in the way a boat was solid- it could still rock), “I am not free, at least not as free as you or Chip or Lizzie are. I still have a Destiny and a Prophecy.”
“Well I hardly know how to solve that,” Caspian responded quicker than Gill had expected, with a certainty in his voice that almost sounded smug, “But what I do know, Gillion, is that you are one of the most magical people I have met. And I know you’re about to interrupt me-“ Gillion shut his mouth closed, “-saying that you ‘struggled with sorcery’ when you were younger, but you have a magic inside of you that can’t be taught or gained with training. You have this- this harmony with the world.”
“That’s ‘cause of the Champion part of me. That’s my Mom’s side.”
“…Yes, you told me about how Lunadeis is apparently your mother, but that’s not what I meant, or at least not all of it. Gillion, you being a- a champion doesn’t explain your love for your friends and your family- your chosen family, and your culture, despite the fact you don’t know much about it… your connection to Pretzel and Apple, back before she was your, uh, Grandfather….”
“Grandpeepaw, yes,”
“-And you managed to befriend a leviathan, Gillion!” Caspian was starting to get a bit more devoted as he continued, “You’re not magic because the Elders ‘taught you,’ you’re magic because you’re so unapologetically willing to be you. You’re already changing the word in so many ways Gill, I- I get what you meant, that emptiness, I feel it every night after we hang up the call. I feel that weird emptiness, like the space around me is heavy, almost, but I also feel so complete!” Gillion couldn’t see Caspian, but he could hear the wide smile on his face. He, himself, was silent, shocked by the amount of passion Caspian was putting into complementing him of all people.
“And that’s because every night, every time I realize and learn more about you Gill, I just appreciate you and all that you do more and more. You create and you inspire and you learn and you care, Gillion, you care so much about people and things and history and the world and even things you shouldn’t care about, you do, Gill! You do!”
Gillion didn’t respond. He had no honest clue how. Even a reasonable ‘thank you’ seemed wrong.
“That was quite out of character of me, I know,” Caspian laughed a little. That same laugh Gillion was attempting only a bit ago.
“Caspian.” Gillion spoke, unsure what to do next. He was going to start crying soon if he said much more, he was certain of it.
“Gillion?”
“I-“ A horrible voice crack. He coughed (or gulped, whatever word was more proper for clearing his throat) into a fist. “I think we should both go to bed.” His voice was awfully watery, it was clear how close he was to tears. For all he knew he could’ve been crying already, and the soft tears could’ve just been blending in with the rest of his moist skin.
“Yes, it is late- or early? Early would be the more correct answer, I suppose,” Caspian agreed, his voice genuine and lighthearted. It was safe to assume he knew Gillion’s reaction to his little speech was positive, but just in case-
“Thank you, Cas- I don’t even know where to begin with that.” His nose was snotty, making his voice a little congested. But once again, he could hear his friend-and-fellow-pirate’s smile on the other side of the conch shell.
“Goodnight, my friend,” Caspian replied smoothly, as his voice always was.
“G’night, Cass. I appreciate you,” Gillion responded.
Click.
Gillion stared at the shell, his mind still stuck on the words of one of his closest friends. The air around him was heavy once more, and he still felt a little empty in his mind, but much much more, in his torso, he felt warm- he felt complete.
He gazed up at the morning sky, and the stars gazed back.
Notes:
I have a Pinterest board of quotes and phrases that make me go feral and a lot of late night sessions scrolling through it has thankfully given me some writing motivation. Also I realized the fic may overall get looser with the theme of ‘staying up late comforting your bud’ but eh we’ll just have to roll with it amiright??
Anyways leave a comment below kudos and subscribe see y’all next time hopefully
Sadtimeohnos on Chapter 2 Mon 06 Nov 2023 06:04PM UTC
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triseraphim on Chapter 2 Tue 07 Nov 2023 05:44AM UTC
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